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winged-unicorn-trash-can · 1 year

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[Audio Script] This Apartment is Ghost Friendly [M4A] [F4A][A4A][Ghost] [GhostSpeaker] [BlindListener] [Sweet] [Wholesome] [Stranger to Friends]

Storyline:

Welp, you are dead. Life sure is a witch and a half. You've been stuck in your apartment for years ever since you passed. And the truth is, you can go to the next life anytime you want. What's stopping you? ... you can't remember how you died...

So you took up the past time of haunting. Things don't get boring since you chase off tenants monthly, and new ones keep coming, thinking they are getting a steal every time they see the rent price. Plus, you have other spooky specter neighbors to talk to.

One day the movers return with boxes, and it looks like you might have a new roommate! But as you watch them, you realize they are blind…and yet, somehow…they can see you!?!

Rules:

[ Not a rule, but I apologize in advance for any spelling mistakes you may find ]

-Give credit to me, please, and thank you (Mystic Grove Audio)

-This script is free to use for monetization

-You can improvise and add things if you wish, like if you like a script but it seems to be tailored to a certain gender: change it so it fits what you like! But please, still give credit

-You can share the script outside of Archive, but again, please give credit

-If you make an audio/video, send me a link! I would love to see your work!

-Have fun!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Muffled city sounds as movers walk around and shift boxes around]

Leon/Lilly: [Humming or whistling a part of the song "Two Beds, Two Baths and a Ghost" by Bug Hunter, ghostly sounding voice effect as they talk] Hate to see you boys go….but I guess I'll see you in a few months when the new tenants come in

[Doors shut as the last mover leaves the apartment]

Leon/Lilly: Maybe Jay-Jay and I should place bets this time; bet I can scare this new guy in half the amount it took those old coots from before. [Pause] Old people are just a drag to haunt [In a mocking old tone] Oh, what a drafty window we have…Those kids upstairs better stop with that noise, or I'm calling the cops!.... When did I spill red paint in the bathtub? [Back to their normal voice] It's like, get a clue!

[Door opening]

Leon/Lilly: Oh! That must be them.

[Dogs come running in along with some human footsteps. The dog starts to bark]

Leon/Lilly: Well, well, it's been a while since a dog has been in here [Pause , then talking to the dog while it is still barking at them] Yes pup…keep barking away at me~ All your owner will see is nothing but air! Haha. [More barking] Now, now…come on, you little dummy, your owner is going to think you've gone crazy! You are a sweet-looking pup, I'll give you that, and that vest you got on makes you look pretty dapper. Wish I could pet you...but I doubt my ghost fingers would feel good for an ear scratch. [Pause] I don't think it would feel like anything really...

[Doggo walks away as Listener starts walking around]

Lilly/Leon: [Confused] Did the new tenant just laugh? That was... weird. Maybe they just remembered a funny joke? Or do they think their dog going crazy over a lamp is funny [Disgruntled ] Don't tell me they're one of those nuts that want their butt to be haunted! If that's the case, then try this on for size!

[Lilly/Leon makes a box slide across the floor, the dog barks, and the Listener trips over the box and lands on the floor with a thud ]

Lilly/Leon: [Sharp intake of air] Ooo, that looked like it hurt. Why didn't they avoid that box? They didn't even try to step out of the way. It was right in front of them, and they literally walked toward it! [Pause] Oh yeah, that's going to bruise [Pause] Wait... a dog with a vest, one of those white walking sticks...clearly lacking in awareness of their surroundings. [Realizing their horror and shame] Oh my god, they're blind [Pause] I am such a freaking asshole.

[Listener speaks]

Lilly/Leon: [Softly repeating] Yes...you...are... [Confused] Did...did they just say yes? [Pause] They...they just said yes. Their faces suddenly pale, and they looked over at [Pause] Me?... Wait, wait, wait! You can see me!? You can hear me!?

[Listener starts to walk away]

Lilly/Leon: They turned away way too fast. [Starts to follow Listener] Hey! Hey!! I got something to ask you! [Listener ignores] Wait! You can see me! I just...I just want to know why? Or how!? [Still being ignored] Can you just look at me, please? Please! [Getting desperate] It's been years since I died, and you're the first person I've met who can see me, so please just look at me. Please!! [Angery] STOP IGNORING ME; IM HERE! I'M RIGHT HERE!!!

[Something breaks and shatters, and the dog starts barking and howling up a storm before stopping after a bit]

Lilly/Leon: [Sounding a little regretful] Well...I scared them really good this time. [Sighing and taking a beat] I'm sorry...okay? I'm sorry. I just got a little excited and-

[Listener speaks]

Lilly/Leon: Uh... angry?... Yeah, I'm sorry I got mad at you, and I'm sorry I...uh, broke some of your stuff.

[Listener speaks]

Lilly/Leon: Okay, yes! I'm sorry that I chucked that box at you! But in my defense, I didn't know you were blind!

[Listener speaks before they start walking away]

Lilly/Leon: I…Wait!! Wait! [Desperate and truthfully] I'm sorry, Okay? It's just…when you're dead, there isn't much to do. It's boring, and sometimes you just want to have some fun. But I know that doesn't excuse… I'm sorry, I don't hurt people on purpose [In a softer voice but lower voice], unlike some ghosts. [Pause] Most of the time, living people don't even know we're here; if they subsect, they'll try to get in contact. But after a while, they all just forget and move on . [In an amazed tone] But you know, you know, and you can see me! How is that even possible? I heard about it while alive but didn't even think it was real. Hell, I didn't even think ghosts were real, either. Were you born with it? Or did you get it when you became blind? Did you become blind? I assume so because of the scarring around your eyes-

[Listener cuts them off and starts to walk away again with their doggo]

Lilly/Leon: You don't want to talk about it? Hey! Hold on! We don't have to talk about it! We can talk about anything, ask me anything! Please, I just want to pretend that I'm alive and just … speak to someone.

[Listener asks if there aren't other ghosts to talk to?]

Lilly/Leon: Aren't there other ghosts? Oh, this apartment is full of them. Jay-Jay is a few doors down; she's pretty fun! A speakeasy owner during the 1920s, there's a secret door to her underground bar in her old apartment, but no one's found it yet. Just don't place bets with her; I think she cheats. Then there's Mr. Courtae, some old landlord from the 50s. He's okay, but he still keeps asking us ghosts for rent… it's kinda annoying. [Pause for thinking] Humm… there's also Marigold, and I hope you aren't afraid of little ghost girls because she is one. The apartment was a manor house back in the 1800s, believe it or not.

[Listener speaks]

Lilly/Leon: Yeah, this apartment is like a time capsule filled with dead people from every era! [Laugh] But they don't make good conversation.

[Listener asks why]

Lilly/Leon: Why? Uhh…how can I explain this…uhhmm...Us ghosts are like memories; we "live" in our past, for lack of a better term. Some more than others. How we see the world of the living is like through a blurry window. We see shapes moving, but we can never make it out; I know the world is changing, but I can't grasp it. Every time I try to…it just slips by. So we just stick to what we know…and what we know is the past. [Pause] There are only so many times you can hear a story about a shootout with 1920s gangsters until it gets boring.

[Listener says it sounds like how they see the world]

Lilly/Leon: That's…how [Pause] You say that's how you see the world? Why would you say that? Don't tell me you're an old emo kid. I had my fill of that lifestyle in middle school [ Laughs for a second]

[Doggo Barks]

Lilly/Leon: [Then remembers that Listener is blind] Oh…shit… .[Starts to be very apologetic] Sorry, Sorry! I forgot that…I am so sorry! I'm acting like such a jackwagon right now!

[Listener says it's okay]

Lilly/Leon: It's okay? So we are cool? [Laughing a little, before it slowly dies off] Good...good [Pause] Before I forget, there is another ghost I should warn you about…We call them [Tone drops a little] The Attic One….

[Listener laughs]

Lilly/Leon: Why are you laughing? [Starts to laugh a little, too] Okay, the name is super dramatic, but we have no idea who or what they are. Marigold knows more about them than any of us, but she doesn't like to talk about it. What I do know is that they are the oldest ghost here, and they stay up in the attic, never leaves that place, and HATEs it when we enter their space….they hate it even more, when someone living goes up there; I'm talking full-on scratching, pushing, and wanting to hurt you kinda temper.

[Listener asks a question]

Lilly/Leon: Have I been up there before? [Unsure] I think so … when I was alive, but when I try to think about it...I feel sick…which is something we ghosts aren't supposed to feel. We don't feel pain or anything for that matter. [Stressed sounding] But every time I try to remember the attic or how I died, I just get this….awful feeling, and things get so fuzzy to the point where these feelings somehow force me into the Fade.

[Listener asks a question]

Lilly/Leon: Oh, the Fade is where ghosts who can't pass on go every once in a while. You could say it's like we are sleeping, but we aren't. You fade from the living realm and just go somewhere where you don't even know you're dead because you aren't anywhere. We kinda stop existing… [Bitter joy/sadness tone of voice] it's nice… [Pause, then speaks in a sadder tone] Could…uhm, Could we talk about something else? It can be about anything….just not about….death… [Bitter] I'm sick of death, and we ghost aren't supposed to feel sick, [Weak chuckle] Ya know? We aren't supposed to feel anything…

[Doggo gives a soft, sad whine. The Listener says yes]

Lilly/Leon: Thanks…

[Listener asks for Lilly/Leon's name]

Lilly/Leon: Ah…right; since you'll be living with a ghost that you can see and talk to, I guess that makes me a roommate who you won't be able to count on when it comes to paying half the rent…but a roommate nonetheless. Lilly/Leon, that's my name. What's yours…and what's your furry helper's name too? They are technically a roommate as well, you know.

[Listener answers and doggo gives a happy bark]

Lilly/Leon: Nice to meet you, properly...I guess? [To the doggo] And nice to meet you too, Gingersnap.

[Listener asks a question]

Lilly/Leon: You want me to help you with something? Uh..sure, I mean, I can try…I guess

[Listener asks them to move some boxes, tables, and chairs]

Lilly/Leon: You want me to use my spooky ghost powers to- hang on! [Sounding a little offended] It's not just "Spooky Ghost Powers"! It takes a lot of energy to perform what we Ghosts can do, and you can't even comprehend how hard it is to control! Get too emotional while a living person is nearby, and BOOM! Guess who joined the dead people club! Use too much energy, and you force yourself into the Fade! It is a very high form of telekinesis that-

[Listener cuts them off and responds]

Lilly/Leon: [Repeating what Listener said] That… I've used to mess with people… [Trying to come up with a comeback] Okay…the thing is….you know… it's not like…what I meant by it [Pause] FINE!! I'll move your stupid table!!

[Sound Effect of furniture being moved around]

Lilly/Leon: [Mumbling to themselves as they move stuff around: improve if ya like] … I'm a ghost…. I'm dead….and now I'm a housekeeper? I can't even get paid for this...I don't even care that they're blind…I throw another box at their stupid smug face…. it's not spooky ghost powers…

[Doggo Barks are something falls in the kitchen]

Lilly/Leon: Are you okay?!?

[Listener says yes, they are just trying to find mugs]

Lilly/Leon: Do you want my help finding your mugs? No offense, but your backing system is kinda a mess…

[Listener says no, they are good]

Lilly/Leon: Okay, I'll just wait here then…I finished moving your table and stuff; it should be easier to get around now.

[After a moment, the Listener and doggo come back into the room]

Lilly/Leon: [Trying to gently guide Listener in] Yup, careful…just…just take a step to your left…nope other-yeah! There ya go, perfect. [Pause] Whatcha make? Coffee? Having a friend coming over or something? Want me to freak them out?! Ha…. kidding.

[Listener says the other mug is for Lilly/Leon, as they set the cups down on the table]

Lilly/Leon: [A little unsure] That mug is for me? Uh…ha, yeah…Remember that whole conversation where I mentioned I was a ghost?

[Listener says to pretend]

Lilly/Leon: Well, yeah, I did say I just wanted to pretend I was alive for a little bit [Pause, then a little more cheerful sounding] Alright then; let's pretend. [Softer] Thank you.

[Listener asks a question]

Lilly/Leon: How was my day? [Pause] My day was [Pause] good…yeah, my day was pretty good!

The End

#audio #audio script #audioscript #asmr tingles #asmr scripts #asmrscript #script #writting #written #rp #roleplay #roleplay script #roleplayscript #ghost #ghost rp #f4a #m4a #a4a

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frogtanii · 3 years

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embarrassed ft. matsukawa issei

wc. 2.7k (???)

warnings. SMUT, not proofread lol, mutual pining (??), friends to lovers (???), cunnilingus lmao, no dom/sub dynamics, well actually dom&sub issei if you squint rlly hard hehe, kinda cute, embarrassed issei <3, also one (1) WAP reference

an. it’s 2:30 am and i have no idea why i wrote this and who for???? i got the idea from a 🦋😳🙈✨ audio and was immediately inspired idk, sorry if it’s bad i lichrally have no idea since i didn’t read it after it was done :p

( ˘ ³˘)♥︎

it wasn’t like matsukawa issei to be embarrassed.

he was handsome, intelligent, and funny, not to mention he never left women wanting after a night with him.

issei was the entire package and he knew it.

beyond superficiality though, he was happy with his life. he had a great group of friends, a nice apartment all to himself and a completely normal job.

yes, being a funeral home employee wasn’t the most glamorous career a person could have but he was happy. besides, it never deterred him from getting a warm body to sleep with which was a win in his book.

all in all? his life was great!

so why did he have to go and screw it all up?

issei blames makki and the dumb flyer for the reason his life went to shit. (maybe he’s being a little dramatic, but let him have his oikawa moment.)

he was minding his own business when his best friend (recently turned enemy) burst through his apartment door with a piece of paper in his hand and a fire in his eyes.

“dude, look at this!” issei rolled his eyes, putting down his casket catalogue and turning to meet takahiro’s gaze.

“why hello to you too. remind me why i gave you a key again?”

“because you love me and because i bring shit like this to you. look!” with another long and suspiciously tooru-like sigh, issei took the crumpled paper from makki and immediately stopped in his tracks.

“makki... what the fuck is this?”

written in large pink letters and a flowery, borderline illegible font was the name, coffee and cunnilingus. upon further inspection and careful reading, it revealed itself to be a little cafe opening up about 10 minutes from issei’s apartment complex who were looking to hire “young, attractive men who are proficient at eating pussy.”

issei could feel his eyes narrow and his mouth drop open in shock as he repeated his question. “the fuck is this?”

makki shook his head excitedly, tapping to another portion of the flyer that matsukawa had not yet read. “no, no dude, just look at how much they’re paying per hour.” issei begrudgingly obliged but the minute his eyes touched the (Massive™) number, he felt a little faint.

it was a lot of money. more than the funeral home was paying, that’s for sure. with that kind of money he could move out of this suddenly dingy seeming apartment and into a nice flat in the city were he’d always wanted to live. maybe he could buy himself a nice watch or even a high-end suit to replace the one from his highschool graduation (aka the only suit he owns). with that kind of money, he could erase his student debt 3 years ahead of schedule and get his mom into a nicer place.

it was these thoughts that clouded issei’s head as he found himself standing in front of a cute looking building, matching the address on the flyer. i’ll only be working part time, he thought as he pushed the door open to reveal an equally impressing interior with curtained booths and a wide variety of coffee on the menu. i’m only doing it for extra money, he thought as he shook the owner’s hand after he finished his successful interview. no one can ever know, he thought as he dressed himself in the uniform on his first day.

thus began issei’s super secret side hustle where he ate women out for cash.

sounds worse when you say it outright but it was just working. he was good at it, the women liked him, and he was making BANK. still, there were challenges. some women refused to bathe before coming and he would have to send them to the restroom to freshen up which absolutely ruined his chances for a good tip. some women would become heavily infatuated with him, believing that they were in some sort of forbidden romance. he learned to turn them down quick and easy to avoid conflict in the workplace which furthered his space as a boss favorite. but his hardest challenge by far was meeting you.

you were one of hanamaki’s friends, having met him at one of his brief stints in retail on his search for a job. he had gotten fired but you both stayed in touch after he left, becoming really close, really fast.

issei had met you first when takahiro had invited you to the biweekly seijoh third-years movie night. at first, he had been pissed as an “outsider” had never been invited before and he was worried you’d ruin the vibe, especially since it was the first time in months that oikawa would be able to join them. makki vouched for you through and through and the other boys were okay with it so you were in. the second he met you, all his fears of awkwardness and discomfort faded away.

you were great.

you were hilarious, pretty, and could keep up with makki’s harsh jokes, tooru’s diva attitude, iwa’s tendency to hit (hard), and issei’s original disdain. by the end of the night, he had completely forgotten why he didn’t want you there in the first place.

from then on, you were a staple in their little friend group. you were added to the groupchat where you balanced memes with spouts of deep wisdom and you were ever so reliable, always there if any of them needed it.

yeah, you were great. that’s where the problems started.

issei’s feelings for you quickly went from platonic to romantic, faster than you can say godzilla. he hadn’t even recognized that he was falling for you until it was way too late. normally, he wouldn’t have a problem confessing to you but because of his newly found ...occupation, he was too nervous. how would you take it that he was basically a glorified prostitute? ok, that wasn’t exactly what he did but still! you’d probably find him disgusting and horrible and leave the friend group forever. then he’d have to deal with oikawa’s senseless whining and makki’s subtle digs, blaming him for your departure. yeah, he wasn’t going to put himself through that so he decided to keep his mouth shut.

too bad he didn’t have any control over makki’s.

you and takahiro had been on a little friend-date at mcdonald’s after you’d had a long and frustrating shift. you just wanted to vent, expressing your general hate for your job and desperate need for stress relief.

that’s when makki opened his (big, stupid) mouth and suggested that you visit a little place called coffee and cunnilingus. you nearly choked on your fries at the title before quickly pressing him for details. thankfully, he had the decency not to expose that issei worked there but he had not done a good enough job convincing you not to go there. not that it would’ve mattered. your curiosity was peaked and your libido was high so why not try out the weird cafe where you let a complete stranger stick his tongue inside you?

it was settled. you were going to go and you were going to get eaten out and you were going to like it!

or at least that is what you repeated in your head as you walked to the address on your phone before taking a deep breath and walking inside.

“hello, welcome to coffee and cunnilingus, how might i pleasure you this afterno— yn?” issei’s eyes widened as they met your equally bewildered ones, the both of you staring at each other in shock.

“matsukawa-san, is everything alright?” a large hand rested on issei’s shoulder, startling him out of his thoughts and forcing him to break (horrified) eye contact with you and move it onto his boss who was now looking down on him menacingly.

“y-yes sir, everything is fine!” he squeaked out, hating the way his voice cracked on his first syllable. his boss looked at him suspiciously but thankfully didn’t press.

“well, since nothing is wrong, take this beautiful young woman to a booth where you will assist her!” the hand resting on issei’s shoulder slowly squeezed, making him wince in pain. the pain was only an afterthought though to the larger implication of his boss’ words. he’s going to assist you. assist as in pleasure. pleasure as in eat you out.

holy shit, you were going to pass out.

apparently, issei had the same thought process as you, his face whitening like a sheet. “m-me? but sir i-“

“do your job matsukawa-san!” his boss cut him off with a forced smile. all issei could do was nod and silently lead you off to a closed booth near the back or lose his job. you stayed close behind him but remained quiet, absolutely terrified of breaking the silence and ruining the bubble you had created.

you finally reached the booth in question. issei gently opened the curtain and motioned for you to get it, to which you obliged and he followed just behind.

the moment the curtain closed, you were enveloped in an awkward silence and tense atmosphere, neither of you speaking or looking at one another for fear of one of you running out. after what felt like hours, you opened your mouth to speak, not realizing issei had thought the same thing.

“so-“

“i-“

you finally made eye contact with him and burst into the laughter, the tension quickly broken. it took a full minute or two for the both of you to calm down, the absurdity of the entire situation finally catching up with you.

“you first,” issei said, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes while fixing you with an intense gaze swirled with an emotion you couldn’t quite place but it made butterflies bubble up in your stomach. you quickly turned your gaze to the comfortable seat beneath you, your fingers playing with the red stitching while you thought of what you had wanted to say.

“are you any good?” your hand flew up to cover your mouth as your cheeks filled with heat, the embarrassment of your words catching up to you. you hadn’t meant to say that but when you opened your mouth to apologize, you were stopped in your tracks by the lovely sound of issei’s full-bodied laughter filling the tiny booth.

you had heard it just moments earlier but without the sound of your own giggles drowning it out, you couldn’t help but think that he sounded beautiful. you basked in the sound as it slowly trailed off back into silence. now it was you doing the staring making issei look off with a red face and a heart threatening to pound out of his chest.

“y-yeah i’m pretty good. you want to try? me, i mean?” his words nearly leave you gasping, your brain working overtime to try and comprehend what he was saying to you.

“only if y-you want to? what do you want issei?” you whispered, suddenly unable to find your voice. you wanted this to be okay for him too; you didn’t want him to be uncomfortable even though you wanted him more than you could verbally express. despite the embarrassment and fear of rejection lingering under your skin, you stared at him, awaiting his answer. a tiny minuscule nod came from him and you internally shook your head. you needed to hear him.

“i need you to say it, issei.” your words, while quiet, were firm and issei felt himself hardening in his uniform slacks. he swallowed in his increasingly drying mouth before opening his mouth to respond.

“i want to eat your pussy. can i?”

shit.

your own voice was stolen by his words and all you could give him was a nod before he was on you.

issei didn’t waste any time falling to his knees, pulling your panties down, and hiking your skirt up to your stomach, revealing your glistening folds to his hungering eyes.

“fuck, you’re so wet,” is all the warning you get before he’s licking a long stripe up you from entrance to clit before he’s sucking the hard, sensitive nub into his mouth. your eyes immediately rolled back into your head, your hips instinctively bucking up into his mouth while a gasped moan of issei left your lips.

if he could bottle your moans and use them whenever he pleased, he would, the sound sending another pulse of arousal to his already hard cock. he was tempted to reach down and pull himself out of his trousers but he denied himself. this was about you; you and your wet ass pussy.

issei continued his ministrations on your clit, circling it with his tongue before pulling it into his mouth while his hand was ready to get busy. it crept up your thigh, sending shivers down your spine until it reached your sopping entrance, two of his fingers teasing the slit before delving in to the third knuckle.

the moan you let out is borderline animalistic as your body sends another wave of slick pulsing out over his hand. he groaned into your cunt at your tightness, his mind only imagining him deep within you while you squeeze him for all he’s got.

the amount of slick you produced made it easy for him to add a third finger, thrusting them in and out while also crooking them upwards in search for your special spot that would have you seeing stars. it took him a little prodding but he knew he found it when your back arched, your hand came down into his hair, and you whimpered out a string of curses.

“that’s it baby, cmon, you’re doing so well, wanna see you come apart for me,” he all but growled against your clit before delving back in with a higher intensity, his desperation for you to come winning out his desire to tease you and drag this out as long as possible.

with his incessant pressure on your g-spot and his lips suctioned around your clit, it wasn’t long before he got what he wanted.

“isseiisseiisseiissei, i’m coming, i’m coming-oh fuck!” you screamed as you clenched and gushed all over his fingers, your entire body caving in with the intensity of your orgasm. his fingers were practically forced from your spasming cunt but they quickly found a place rubbing your nub side to side as fast as possible. the overwhelming urge to pee came over you and you shook your head, trying to push his hand away.

“no, no, give it to me, i know you can,” issei groaned, his eyes locked on your dripping pussy. the pleasure he was giving came to a head at his words and you felt a clear liquid escape from your tired, overstimulated cunt, your mouth opening in a silent moan before collapsing back on the seat.

the sight proved to be too much for issei as he felt his body tense, his own orgasm washing over him as he emptied himself into his boxers. he fell back onto the ground, in shock of himself coming entirely untouched. he’d never done it before but of course it was you that would bring it out of him. a smile spread across his face at the thought, his head tilting back as he laughed, catching the attention of your worn body.

“what’re y’laughing at?” you slurred, cringing a little at how fucked out you sounded but issei didn’t seem to mind, his face glowing while covered in your slick and cum.

“nothing, nothing, but uh, i have a question.” you felt your heart leap to your chest, your mind already racing with the possibilities. he’s going to say this was a mistake, that we’re just better off as friends. oh god, what if he says i stunk? or the worst pussy he’s ever had? or what if—

“want to go and get a coffee?” he asked, the smile still plastered on his face but with an uncharacteristic hint of shyness. the butterflies were back in your stomach as you shyly nodded before allowing him to help clean you up and standing, not missing how he slipped your lacy underwear deep into one of his pockets.

issei’s hand found its way into yours as he said goodbye to his coworkers and boss before leading you out of the cafe, watching you tell an animated retelling of the bullshit that occurred at your job with a warm grin on his face and pink cheeks.

it might not be like matsukawa issei to be embarrassed but if it resulted in getting you by his side? he would do it again and again.

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dialovers-translations · 3 years

Text

Diabolik Lovers VANDEAD CARNIVAL ;; Sleeping Vampire ー Mukami Azusa

Source: Diabolik Lovers Vandead Carnival

Seiyuu: Kishio Daisuke

Audio: Here

→ LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

“...Aah...You finally came. I’ve been waiting for you...this whole time. I felt lonely...All by myself...”

*Rustle rustle*

“...Come on...Scoot over...Okay? Eve...Join me...”

*Rustle rustle*

“....? Why do you...seem so startled? I curled up underneath the blankets...hoping to surprise you...Is that weird...perhaps? Like this...It almost felt as if you were...holding me tightly. Do you...hate that side of me? Is that why...you looked so shocked...?”

You shake your head.

“Aah, thank god...For a second, I thought I had upset you. Right. You are kind after all...You are even willing to join me in bed like this...”

*Rustle*

“Fufu...Say, move a little closer...?”

*Rustle rustle*

“I want to feel you more...Is that too much to ask? No, you don’t mind, do you? Come on...Closer.”

You scoot closer.

“I like you...I love you. Eve...When you’re close to me like this...I feel extremely peaceful...Say, how about you....? Do you feel at ease...when I’m with you? Do you...?”

You nod.

“...Fufu, I’m happy...The two of us...really are two of the same kind...Aren’t we? That’s why we can be this comfortable...and feel warm inside...just by being together like this...This is ‘love’, isn’t it? ...Something precious I was taught by you. Say, come even closer... I’ll hold you...firmly in my arms. Strongly, tightly...Since you...love the pain...”

You close your eyes.

“Haah...Eve, you truly smell wonderful. Is it because you took a bath? No, that’s not it...This is your natural scent...This smell...For some reason, it feels very nostalgic...Say? Let me take in more of your scent...No? You won’t say...no, right?”

Azusa continues to take in your scent.

“Haah...Say, Eve...? How come you smell this lovely...? Like some sort of flower...A sweet fragrance...”

*Rustle rustle*

“I’m sorry...I’m just so happy to be together with you again, I couldn’t help myself...Did it tickle? Fufu...”

You note that he smells good too.

“...Eh? I smell good too? That’s the first time someone had said that to me...No, I’m happy. ...Very much so. Since I’ve never really...paid attention to my own scent...Since it smells nice...That means you like it...Right?”

You nod.

“Fufu...I see. While you have the chance...Go ahead and get a better whiff?”

You take in his scent.

“...And? Is it difficult to tell from the wrist...?”

*Rustle*

“Then, from the nape...Make sure you take in my scent completely, okay...? Engraving it...deep inside your mind...So you won’t forget about me...Even while we’re apart...”

*Rustle rustle*

“...Huh? You’re done already?”

You tell him you got a little embarrassed.

“Fufu...You really are easily flustered...aren’t you? I think that side of you...is very adorable as well. Speaking of which...The other day, Kou told me that finding someone’s scent pleasant...is a sign that the two fo you are highly compatible...If he was speaking the truth...that would mean...we’re a great match, right...? Will you...believe this story?”

You agree.

“Fufu...Thank you. I want to believe it’s true too...After all, if we subconsciously feel attracted to one another...I can somewhat believe that I was born...for the reason of one day meeting you.”

*Dingー Dongー*

“...Aah, it’s already this late. It’s time for bed...”

*Creaaak*

“But...When we’re sharing the bed like this...I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep...I want to gaze at you forever and ever...Staying up the whole night...You see? I want to know...what kind of expression you make as you doze off...I want to hear the things you whisper in your sleep...Aah...I’d even love to join together...and have the same dream. Do you understand? ...To become one, and see the same dream...Laughing together underneath the clear, blue skies...or watching the same scenery, sharing the same feelings...and eating the same foods...I get excited just from imagining it...Don’t you feel...the same? You do, don’t you...? You are...my Eve after all...”

*Rustle*

“Say, what should I do....? How can I...become one with you...? Tell me...Eve, do you know how...?”

You ask for his hand.

“Eh? What...? My hand?”

You hold his hand.

“Oh...Why are you holding my hand? If I...squeeze back like this...I see...Now it makes sense. Eve, you truly are lovely...You found such a perfect solution...Say, hold my hand tigheter. Squeeze down...stronger...”

You squeeze his hand.

“Aah, I hope the two of us...will become connected like this...If we do that...No, actually...Even without doing this...It’ll be okay...I can feel it. That’s what...your warmth is telling me. Aah, but...if we fall asleep like this...we might just let go...What should we do? Aah, right...I just had a great idea too.”

*Rustle*

“ ーー If we wrap the blanket around it...Like this...

You intervene.

“Eh? Why do you stop me...Eve? We can simply...tie our hands together like this...No? Tightly...So it definitely come loose...Do you perhaps...not like the idea of being connected like this...?”

You shake your head.

“...Then why...!? You...actually dislike me...Is that it...? ...I’m sad...Uu...”

You explain.

“Our hearts? Why do you mean by...our hearts being connected...?”

You try and explain it to him.

“That’s complicated, Eve...Say, what should I do...to understand? I want actual proof...Eve, tell me...Show me...proof of that connection. If you do...this sadness might fade away too...”

You grab hold of his hand.

“What’s wrong? Eve...Where are you...guiding my hand...”

You press his hand against your chest.

“Eh...? ...You’re right...Your heart’s racing...Beating so very quickly...Aah, I see...So this is...your love...It’s connected to my own feelings for you, isn’t it...? I’m glad...When I assumed you hated me...I suddenly started aching inside...As if my heart was thorn to pieces...But, I’m fine now...Because our feelings are connected. Haah..Shame on me...How could I be so doubtful towards you...i can’t help...but grow anxious...Because you’re Eve ー and loved by everyone. Perhaps the fact that I’m with you like this...is actuallyーー”

You stop him.

“ーー ...!? Eve...?”

You insist that Azusa is the only one for you.

“Really? Do you...promise? That you’ll be with me forever...That you will never leave me...”

You promise.

“Aah, I’m so happy...I must be extremely blessed...”

You admit to feeling happy too.

“Fufu, I’m glad...”

You yawn.

“What’s wrong? You yawned...Aah, oh no...We had to go to bed...But I enjoyed spending time with you so much, I completely forgot. Yeah, it’s very fun...Sorry. Say...Do you want to sleep already? I’d like to stay up a little longer and talk to you...”

You nod in agreement.

“...That’s okay? Thank you. You’re always so kind...I love chatting with you like this...Fufu...Aah, sorry. I just lost myself in my own happiness. Did I suprirse you? I see, I’m glad then...Say, we’re actually all alone for once...so let’s use the opportunity to talk lots more. There’s a bunch of things I want to ask you...I want to know your everything. And...I also want you to know my everything...I wonder what we should talk about...? Say, how did you spend today?”

You start explaining.

“Fufu...School? Aah, makes sense. I...attended classes today as well. But...School is boring. I mean...We can’t be together during that time...On top of that...I get scolded by Ruki for ‘having my mind somewhere else’... He nearly hit my hands with a whip...But then he stopped right there...”

You lift a brow.

“...If I wanted him to hit me, you ask? ...Wellーー No... Eve, because you told me...that you don’t want me to inflict harm upon myself...I decided to stop...thinking that way...After all, when you are sad...It hurts me too...Besides...If I try my best and refrain from hurting myself...I feel as if...you’ll stay by my side...I guess you could...it’s like a lucky charm? Say...What did you do? Tell me...”

You start telling him about your day at school.

“Fufu...I see. Girls sure...love their sweets, don’t they? I like spicy food...How about you? Do you...like spice?”

You tilt your head to the side.

“...To a certain degree...? How spicy would that be? ...It’s hard to tell.”

You elaborate.

“You can handle spicy curry? Then...I guess about one bottle of red chili pepper would be fine...?”

You start to panic.

“Eh? No? I see...So, you want more then?”

You shake your head.

“Less...huh? I really like red chili powder...So I figured you would enjoy it too...”

You frown.

“This sort of stuff is kind of...tricky, huh? I don’t think it’s spicy at all, but everyone keeps on saying me it’s way too hot...I don’t know...what ‘normal’ is...Say, you know, don’t you...? What normal is...”

You try and explain.

“I see...What is considered ‘normal’ is something very complex? ...I see, hearing you say that somehow puts me at ease. Because I often...get told that I’m strange...So I started to worry that perhaps...I really am the odd one for not knowing what is normal. I honestly...don’t mind being considered weird. But...What scares me is...being distinctively different from you. ...Right...When I look at it like that...I’m terrified...Since I won’t be able...to continue viewing us as two of the same kind...However...I’m glad. You really...are similar to me. Aren’t you?”

You smile.

“Come on, talk to me more...Tell me all sorts of things...I love both you...and your voice. All of your stories too...So...”

You seem a little surprised.

“Yeah. I enjoy your voice. I feel very cozy when listening to it. ...Like shivers running up my spine...Of course...That’s not the only part of you I like...I love you as a whole...So rest assured.”

You blush.

“...Fufu, you’re so cute, Eve. I can touch you more, right...?”

*Rustle*

“For some reason...Your body feels even warmer than before...I guess you’re actually...starting to get sleepy...?”

You ask if he is tired too.

“...I’m still fine...I want to keep on watching you forever after all...Because it is fun to observe you...”

“...I’m glad. But, when you get tired, you can sleep whenever you want, okay...? You truly are kind...for willing to keep on talking to me, Eve.”

*Rustle*

“...Hm? The wound on my finger...? ...Aah, I cut myself on the edge of a page of my textbook, that’s all...You shouldn’t worry about it, okay? It might have stung a little...but it’s fine...It’s a very light injury. If anything...I wish it would have left a deeper cut...”

You frown.

“...I’m sorry. I will never have any thoughts that would upset you. So...please don’t hate me...? Besides...I didn’t hurt myself on purpose this time...I swear, it was an accident...!”

You nod in agreement.

“...You understand? Thank god...Thank you. I don’t think I’d be able to bear...having you dislike me...I don’t want you...to leave me.”

You look at his finger again.

“...What’s wrong, Eve? Are you worried about my cut?”

You brush across the paper cut.

“Fufu, when you brush your fingertips across...It tickles a little.”

You tell him you’ll help him out.

“...A spell? ‘Pain, pain, go away...’ (1) Heeh...Those words will help the cut heal quicker, huh...?”

You seem surprised that he does not know it.

“Mmh...It’s my first time hearing it. ...You must be very knowledgeable...”

Azusa closes his eyes.

“A spell, huh? I enjoy the pain, so I don’t think you need to cast a spe...No, stop. I shouldn’t...waste your consideration towards me...should I? ...Fufu, I’m sure this cut...will heal in no time.”

You offer to cast the lucky charm together.

“...Good idea, let’s do that. Together...At the same time...Fufu...This counts as a group effort, doesn’t it...? I hope it’ll be twice as effective...But I wonder if it actually will be...? Pain, pain...go away.”

*Smooch*

“Sorry...Watching your beautiful fingers, I couldn’t help...but want to kiss them...This is my way...of thanking you...for taking away my pain. ...Did you not like it?”

You shake your head.

“Fufu...I’m glad...Besides...I wonder if the spell worked? The wound already no longer hurts...Say? ...Can I kiss you just a little more? I can’t? No...I can, right? You want to kiss me too...Don’t you?”

He leans in.

*Smooch*

“...I kissed your cheek this time...Fufu, the place I kissed...is gradually turning more red...”

You close your eyes.

“Huh...? You’re closing your eyes...? Aah, I see. You want me...to kiss you on the lips, don’t you? Don’t worry...No need to be ashamed...Nn...”

*Smooch*

“Haah...Your lips...They’re sweet...The taste of the...candy you ate at school? No, this is...different...It’s your taste, Eve...Haah...Nn...”

*Smooch*

“Fufu...Eve, you’ve got that dreamy look in your eyes...Did it...feel good? It felt...amazing for me too...I’d love...to do much more...other things too, but...Right now, I want to continue chatting with you lots more...Will you...feel the same?”

You nod.

“I’m glad...I thought that maybe you would prefer something a little more painful, however...We are one, so...I can tell what you’re thinking. I wonder if it’s okay for me to be this happen? Eh? ...Yeah, very much so...Perhaps the most blessed I’ve ever felt. ...I mean.”

*Rustle rustle*

“Without realizing, the whole blanket has started smelling like you. This sweet smell...which brings me happiness...It’s almost as if you’re holding me gently...I want to take a deep breath, and inhale all of your scent.”

*Rustle*

“Ah...Don’t move. After all...If you do that, your scent...will escape...I don’t want to let go...of even a single whiff (2). It’s all mine...”

You ask if it isn’t suffocating for him.

“Me? Honestly...I prefer wrapping the blanket this tightly...If anything, if it were even more suffocating...Aah, oh no...I can’t help but...yearn for things which bring pain or suffering...Please forgive me, Eve...”

You forgive him.

“You’ll let it slide...? I see...Thank god...I can’t help but think those things out of pure habit, you see? I’m so glad...you’re a kind-hearted person...”

Azusa yawns.

“Haah, for some reason...I’ve started getting sleepy...”

You yawn too.

“You too? Right...I mean, the two of us...are alike after all...Hmー ...But I’d still like to watch you sleep...Will you fall asleep first...? To grant...my wish.”

You nod.

“Thank god. ...Yeah, I’ll be watching. ...Until you fall into a deep slumber, the whole time...”

You frown.

“It’s embarrassing...? How so...? There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You’re cute after all...Oh? That’s not it...?”

You try and explain.

“Girls find that sort of stuff embarrassing...? ...Is that so? That’s a little difficult for me to grasp....I wonder why...? Your sleeping expression...is very beautiful after all. Besides...It’s something I can only witness...when I’m sleeping next to you like this. In this manor, I’m the only one...who gets to see it. Right...?”

You agree.

“That’s exactly...Why I want to see it.”

You ask if he’ll rest with you.

“If I’ll...sleep with you as well? But then, I won’t be able to watch you sleep...However...If that’s what you want...I will...”

*Rustle rustle*

“Come on, I’m going to sleep too...So, Eve...Close your eyes as well?”

You close your eyes.

“Let’s...hold hands again...Come on...”

You grab hold of his hand.

“Your hand...is very soft, isn’t it? Drowning in the sensation of you amidst the darkness like this...feels wonderful...I feel as if...we’ve grown even closer...As if all walls between us have crumbled...and we’ve become one...Don’t you...feel the same way? Eve...? Hey...?”

You don’t respond.

“She fell asleep...huh? I guess...I rambled on for a bit too long...Such a cute sleeping face...Eve, I love you...Aah...If only, I could keep you here forever...However, I can’t do that, can I...? You are...the one and only Eve...and I’m just...Still, I love how you chose me regardless...

Goodnight, Eve... Sweet dreamsー...”

ーー THE END ーー

Translation notes

(1) 痛いの痛いの飛んでいけ or ‘itaino, itaino, tonde-ike’ is a common phrase said to Japanese children to comfort them after they’ve hurt themselves. It literally means ‘pain, pain, fly away!’.

(2) Literally he says a single ‘piece’ or ‘shard’, but since they’re talking about scent, the term ‘whiff’ seemed more appropriate in English.

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #azusa mukami #vandead carnival #diabolik lovers translation #sleepingvampireazusa

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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 3 years

Text

Here’s another thought based off this blurb I wrote.

Reader Insert.

CW: Smut adjacent.

_________________

You’re just on the couch, feet propped up on the edge of the coffee table still scrolling through TikTok. Calum’s taken resident up in your lap, head resting on your thighs and his phone is preoccupying him too. That TikTok keeps coming back to your head, the sudden change from the soft voice over to Corpse’s voice. It looks some lurking, and lots of Googling on how to actually make a TikTok, but in the search you come up with a plan. It in some part requires Calum to trust you.

“Babe?” you start, running your fingers through his hair.

“Yeah?”

“Can I make a TikTok of you?”

He looks up, tearing his gaze from his phone. “What-what you are you thinking about?”

“Using the same sound off the same video I showed you. Just tickles, really,” you say.

“God, I hate tickles. But sure, I guess.”

You kiss his nose, “Thanks, babe.”

“Do I need to do anything?”

“Nah, just say comfy,” you encourage, kissing his forehead.

He nods, turning his head just a little to kiss at your tummy. “I can do that.” As the countdown starts, you drag your fingers over his scalp. The song plays and your fingers move into his armpits and he giggles. His natural reaction is to squeeze his arms to his side. It ultimately keeps your hand trapped but you laugh just a little at his response.

As the bass drops and Corpse’s voice filters through, you’re able to wriggle your hand free and slide it over his chest. He settles, peering up at you to see if you’re done. In this action, you’re able to slip your hand up to his throat and give it a small squeeze. The surprise isn’t missed as Calum gasps for just a second before a tiny tiny moan escapes him. His eyes flutter for just a moment. You’re positive the audio is done by now but you do lean down to press a kiss to his lips.

Calum’s not one to usually submit, but it’s there. He does like to be taken care of sometimes and it tends to happen when things get stressful with work or when he’s got a lot on his plate. And it’s not that he can’t take care, it’s not like he can’t take care of things, but sometimes it’s have someone else do it. It’s nice to have someone else please him.

And truth be told, the action should shock him. He should recoil given that you just tickled him, but there’s a gleam in your eyes when you leaned into him. You looked so proud to see him respond that way, to see him trust you, so he pull himself into a seating position and cups your cheek. “You didn’t tell me that was part of the bit.”

You’re acutely aware to save the draft, but your phone is the last of your worries. “Wanted it to be a surprise.”

The distance between you two is short, and grows even shorter as you push up and Calum leans in. His nose brushes over yours. “Considered me surprised.” The pad of his thumb strokes your cheek before he drags his whole palm down and cups your throat in return.

You push forward to seal his mouth in a kiss, peeling his hand away from your flesh. The kiss is short before you pull away. “I don’t think you get to call the shots right now, baby.”

Calum can only let out a shaky exhale as you kiss over the side of his neck, “Okay.”

Calum’s head rests on your chest, the blanket draped on the back of the couch thrown over the both of you. His fingers trace over your sides slowly. Your fingers are scratching over his scalp. “Do you remember if we got Oreos last trip to the store?” you ask quietly. Your fingers move down to the muscle of his back, scratching just a little at the flesh.

“We did. But I can’t say any is left,” he laughs, sitting up. “Which might entirely be my fault, but that’s neither here nor there.” He redresses but drapes the blanket back over you, even goes as far as to tuck the ends around you.

“I am not prisoner to the couch,” you tease.

“You must certainly are.” While Calum checks the kitchen for Oreos, you redress mostly but rewrap yourself in the blanket.

“Huzzah, a full sleeve is left,” Calum declares from the kitchen and then rushes back into the living room. He plops down behind you, resting the package in your lap. You feed him the first one and the voice from the TV surround the two of you. The two of you enjoy the sleeve and then eventually move into the bedroom to wash up and retire under the sheets.

The next morning when you check your phone, as you open the Twitter app your notifications are absolutely flooded. You check to see what happened. Normally, there’s a tweet about you here and there, but you turned off notifications just in general to be safe. But you still checked it periodically. As the tweet loads, you pull your brows down into confusion. Didn’t know they got it on like THAT!

When you scroll up in the chain, you spy the TikTok. You could’ve sworn you had only saved the draft not published it. But when you change to the TikTok app, you realize at the top of your profile is the video. “Holy shit.” You climb out of bed and scurry to find Calum. You’re already trying to get your fingers to stop shaking so you can delete the video. But at this point it is too late, you realize. “Babe?” you call out into the house. “Babe?!”

“Outside,” comes his reply and you spin around and hurry down to the open backyard doors.

“Babe, I’m so sorry,” you rush out.

Calum takes in the panic in your eyes and how your phone is wobbling in your hand. “Hey, hey, whatever it is, we’ll work through it, okay?” But all you can seem to do is just apologize. He nods, guiding you into his chest and rubs his hand up and down your back. “Ssh, take a deep breathe.”

“I-I thought the video was just a draft,” you say more but it gets slightly muffled as you press your face deeper into his skin.

Calum can deduce the problem though. “But you published it by accident?” he asks. You nod. “And I can only assume it only took a matter of time before fans found it huh?” You give another nod.

A sigh leaves his chest and you pull back, “I-I deleted it once I found out and it’s a throwaway account. It’s not even my face as the profile picture you know? I-I thought I was being safe.”

“Shit happens,” Calum returns, using his fingers to wipe away the tears. “It’s out there now. What else can we do?”

“I’m so sorry.”

He kisses your forehead. “I accept your apology. Let’s get some waffles, want waffles?”

You’re not sure how Calum can be so calm about this. “You’re-you’re not mad. After everything?”

“You posting something by accident isn’t the same, okay? Besides, that video is the most harmless thing that’s come out. You know, none of us are saints, nor do we pretend to be saints.” He shrugs. “Besides, what a way to confirm a relationship, you know?”

The two of you had been dating for a while, two years and some change. You had popped up occasionally in an Instagram posts and you two got spotted here and there hanging out. But you were pretty good at keeping your face hidden or turned away from paps when you could spot them. One picture of your face had surfaced, really early on. But not much since then.

Of course, the fans still speculated after all these years that you two were still together but neither you or Calum had done anything to confirm it. It didn’t bother you, you kinda liked the secrecy. It was easier to ignore the occasional tweet about your relationship but most fans had a feeling nothing would ever really be said.

Until now.

And sure, Calum is right on some front. You can’t really do anything about it now. The video is out and no doubt making its rounds. “I’m just going to delete the account, but yes to waffles.”

“If you want to, then I won’t stop you. But really I’m not mad.”

You take a moment to look at him, study his gaze. It’s steady, he looks more concerned than anything else. “Sorry,” you say one last time. It’s clear that there’s not much else that he can say that will ease your fear.

He presses another kiss to forehead, rubbing his hands over your arms. “Let’s go get dressed and eat waffles.”

You nod and it finally dawns on you that Calum had been out with Duke and you spy him laying your and Calum’s feet, completely content to stretch out the rest of the day. You kiss Calum’s cheek and then pick up Duke to nuzzle your nose into his fur. “Oh, buddy, bath time soon for you,” you laugh, but Duke just nuzzles into you.

You settle onto the edge of the bed and Duke rests on your lap. You delete the TikTok account. There’s thousand of tweets it seems, so many comments and you can only imagine that Instagram is going to look the same so you take point not to look at it and to stop looking at Twitter as well. It’s not going to do anything good for you at this point.

As you pull clothes from the dressers and closet, Calum returns to the bedroom. He walks pass you but takes a moment to squeeze your elbow three times. You turn to watch him disappear into the attached bathroom but smile just a little. Three squeezes, always a way to say I love you without necessarily saying it. You two use it most often when you and Calum go out into public, or at parties. Two squeezes means let’s go/there’s a problem. But three, and no more than three is your secret way to say I’m always there with you and for you.

The car ride is quiet, but you hold Calum’s hand like always. It’s easy enough to slip into the breakfast diner. You pick at the corner of the napkin the utensils are wrapped in. The waiter is quick to get your orders. But you’ve stayed silent still. “Look, if waffles don’t fix this, I will go to extreme measures,” he teases after trying to gain your attention.

You roll your eyes, but smile. “God, let’s not do that either.”

He laughs and takes your hand. “I mean, I would always go to the extreme measures for you.”

“Thanks.” The waitress comes back around to refill your water glasses and assure you your food will be coming out soon. “Wanna go to Lowe’s after this? Still gotta find materials for those shelves in your music room.”

He nods. “Yeah we can check them out. But if you stop me from buying my string of pearls, I will riot.”

“I want one just as much as you do, but we need a place for it first.”

“Nonsense. No plan. Just buy.”

Your food is brought out a couple of minutes later and the waffles do make you feel a little bit better, but right in the back of your head is the morbid curiosity to check what is happening on social media. You struggle against it continue to eat on. The sun’s a little brighter as you and Calum leave the diner. You keep your head down and walk a little behind him, but he reaches back, wiggling his fingers for you.

“You sure?” you whisper.

“What are paps going to get now that’s news?” There’s a devilish grin on his face and you give in, catching up and taking his hand. You’re pretty sure you can spot a pap or two but you don’t think too much about it as you stride side by side with Calum.

In the Lowe’s you keep close to Calum, finding the right size planks that would be needed. He drags you over to the plants and allow yourself to be dragged over. “You’re the one that got me hooked on this. This is your fault,” he teases. And you’ll admit it is kinda your fault. You wanted to bring in a few house plants, which Calum admitted to avoiding because he wasn’t home a lot. Though you weren’t sure how that logical applied to a dog, but never the less, your interest in house plants has rubbed off on Calum.

You steer the pallet around with the planks you’re going to use for the shelves, long with the brackets and screws. You might’ve taken over a corner if the garage with some power tools and a small saw for some home projects you’ve wanted to take on. And so now, you tend to take up to some handy projects around the house and Calum’s always there to help hold whatever you need him to hold.

“There are already three plants on this things, let’s slow down,” you tease.

“Never,” he replies, placing another one down. “Kitchen window?”

You nod. “Sounds good to me.”

When you two get home, you unload the planks into the garage and Calum finds his gardening gloves to move the plants into some pots. You watch him settled onto the steps that lead up from the garage into the house, gently pat some extra soil around the plant. “Want some help repotting?”

“It’s only two more,” he returns but does look up pushing his lips out for a kiss. You laugh and kiss him but check the soil on two he’s finished potting to see if they need water. “Can you add a little water to that first one for me?”

“Of course.” It’s not long before you add a little water to the plant and you settle in front of him, snapping a photo of the concentration on his face. It’s slightly obstructed by the baseball cap, but you angle it well enough.

“Cutie,” you whisper and pinch his cheeks.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” he laughs. The last plant potted, he turns his attention back to you. “How’s it going? You okay now?”

You shrug. “Better, I guess. Still feel bad.”

“That’s valid. It’s okay if you still feel bad. But all in all, we’re okay. If you’re worried.” You nod, fingers rubbing over leaves gently. “Check my Instagram.” That’s all he says before turning around and head inside with one of the plants.

You stay seated and pull up the platform. When you find Calum’s profile, you a new post. It’s a series, indicated by the white square icon in the top right corner. The first one is hardly a photo of you from years ago but the other two in it are more recent, the last actually a video of you struggling to get some of the planks from the display in Lowe’s. Calum’s voice floats through your speaker and the camera bounces a little as he moves in to help. “Let me help. You’re going to kill yourself trying to do all that by yourself,” he laughs.

“In my will, I will leave you everything then,” you counter and hoist the plank up.

The video is still rolling and captures you grinning as you pointing just off screen, “To plants for my good sir?”

He giggles. “To plants!” and the video ends.

Here’s a very short collection of two years and 3 and a half months, reads the caption and that’s all.

“Calum,” you call out, grabbing the string of pearls and head inside. He shuffles to a stop having been coming around the corner. “I love you. Your post is sweet. Now where do we locate the newest plant baby?”

“Kitchen window. Other will are going in the office.” You go to step past him but he squeezes your elbow-- three times.

#calum hood #Calum Hood blurb #Calum Hood smut #Calum Hood smut adjacent #h writes #Calum Hood fanfic #Calum Hood imagine #Calum Hood x reader #Calum Hood x reader insert #5sos #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #5sos image

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darthmaulification · 3 years

Note

15 with Maul for the Angst Prompts? 🥺

A/N: dropping this at nearly midnight, but i’ve finished it and i’m proud of it so here’s a late night snack. 😤

also, the song that inspired this one was hard feelings by lorde (also technically loveless, which is the 2nd part of this particular audio, but mostly hard feelings) and i do use a lyric from it in my story. 😊

thank you for requesting the prompt, and i hope you enjoy!! 💗

prompt: 15. "i think we'd be better off alone."

content: angst (but a tad more mild), gn!reader, a break up yet again, but also more mutual, like two people collide to share just enough of a relationship that it hurts when they part, but also the relationship is implied to be Toxic, an embarrassing amount of figurative language, slice of life type deal going on here

word count: 1,504

You met Maul when the weather was good. The vast sky had been pulled taut in all directions— a cerulean blue overwhelming in its vibrancy. Most days nothing had broken up the azure, cloudless and thus without rain, but the sun, which followed it’s charted course day in and day out dutifully, bringing with it a near boiling heat.

When you met Maul, the sun had been sitting in it’s throne like a king, at the very peak of the crest it would slope down as hours ticked by. It shone so brightly that it bathed everything, exciting the flowers that rose to meet it and angering your fellow farmers who complained that the intensity was too much for the infant crops. It obscured, only for a moment, when Maul’s ship had passed beneath it.

He caught everyone’s attention, even yours, but only you caught his.

He approached you amidst the wavering haze above flat ground, that tricks the eye into thinking it’s there. You thought he was part of the mirage, how could you not? The strange visitor from his silver ship, his skin a flaming red and tattooed, wearing black robes far too heavy and dark for your planet. You almost had yourself convinced until he closed the distance between the both of you so hastily that it was like he fully intended to be standing amongst the crops alongside you all along.

(Later, Maul would tell you that he had only stopped for fuel, but had caught sight of you in the fields, angelic in your white linens.)

“Hello.” He had said, his voice like the thick purr of a Loth cat and his gaze the molten glaze of honey. He smiled, and his teeth were pitch black and glossy.

(A dye, he would also tell you later.)

“Hello.” You had replied politely, and when he extended his hand to shake yours, you had marveled at how his black-decorated, crimson skin felt like the heat surrounding you, only a living warmth instead. Maul then exchanged his name along with a suave flirt, and you gave him your name as well, gifting him with a blush on your cheeks. That’s when you learned he was bold and did everything with confidence.

The interest only grew from there, of course.

All the while, the sun sat stiff and blistering in the blue, blue sky and the air was dreadfully torrid, made even more unbearable by the lack of a breeze, but there were no shadows in sight, not while you and Maul talked, or when he offered you a drink, or when he walked you to his ship with his arm in yours, or when you both laughed and smiled and drank and swapped stories and even cuddled.

All in all, a good sign. A very good sign.

Until it wasn’t.

Maybe it was the lack of wind.

You learned very quickly that Maul was not only the charming, intelligent, if not hot-headed and cocky, Zabrak that you had made him out to be. You cottoned on very quickly and abruptly to his aggression, his brutal temper that would flare at the slightest provocation to the thin thread it hung from. Maul demonstrated to you, on multiple occasions, his wrath, and his willingness to kill instead of maim, or otherwise show mercy on his selected enemy. It bothers you as much now as it did then, and you would consider his anger a billowing red flag.

But at the time he was so new to you that you forgave his outbursts and strokes of cruelty because you had thought that since people could change, Maul surely could as well. And to be fair, you did what you could, successfully quelled his fury more often than not. But it was still hard to want to be close to a man who burned so intensely at his core that it hurt to be near.

And that made the dry season even hotter. For better, and for worse.

(Mostly worse.)

As weeks passed with Maul, and the summer reached it’s fever pitch, you and Maul had softened up enough to each other that you shared intimacy and closely-held secrets, often both under the delicate watch of the moon, when the night brought with it security and a tender break in the heat. Nighttime was always easier, you realize now, when there was no pressure from wandering third parties from the village, or duties to attend, or the sun to make you squint.

It made you realize just how difficult daytime could be, how consumed those hours were by work and people, how busy it all was. It made you loathe the dawn, wanting to keep the star-dappled midnight sky for as long as possible because that’s when you didn’t toil away in the fields, and when Maul was yours and only yours, and when you didn’t have to worry about his temper igniting, or the switch of his lightsaber, or the pain he’d inflict, or the crimes he’d—

Thinking of it now, your only good memories with Maul took place during nighttime.

Except one. The last memory you have of him.

You had been drained and tired by the oppressive heat that the sun had wrought during the day, and the almost constant pleading with Maul not to slice down any more of your fellow villagers that were terrified of him. You were drained by the effort of dousing his fire, the glares of your once friendly neighbors who’d believed you betrayed by picking Maul over them, and of course the heat made you sweat the life from you.

And of course, it was that night when the darkness didn’t quell the oven-like heat suffocating you.

You and Maul argued. It was venomous, spiteful, hateful— but you won’t dwell on it, it doesn’t mean much anymore anyways, besides the last few words you spat at one another.

“You are an ungrateful, pathetic bitch!” Maul had roared at you, his lips pulled back in a snarl and nothing but contempt in his eyes. It had felt like a slap in the face at the time, but now when you think of that moment in all it’s infamy, you only sigh and shake your head. Maul only ever knew cruelty, how was he to act without it?

“And you are evil!” You had screamed back like some wild animal howling, sobbing so hard it sounded like shrieking. Maul only laughed, humorless and mean, and he cocked his head, palm flitting to rest on the hilt of the lightsaber that you knew could flash it’s fear-inducing red at the press of a button.

“Have you just noticed?” Maul had cooed, and that was the first time you had ever been scared of him.

“I want you out of my home, my life. I think we’d be better off alone.” How you managed to say that to him when you had been so stiff with icy dread and a wavering voice, you still don’t know.

Apparently though, it may have been the heat that hammered the final nail into the coffin because Maul left, bitterly throwing you one last insult by telling you that being in your house was like choking on magma. You didn’t say anything back, not while the fear still gripped you by the throat, but once he was gone fully that’s when you cursed his name, his bloodline, his everything. You let yourself get as angry as him in the privacy of your home, for as long as your body allowed it, and until you were shaking and raw.

And despite everything and yourself, and how much you knew he didn’t deserve that hypothetical satisfaction, you wept. But strangely, and a bit curiously, it felt more like the relief of the dry season’s long-awaited rain, not the heartbreak of the love, if any had really been there, lost.

It was comforting.

Months later, when Maul is long gone and the wistfully childish part of you daydreams, you think of all the possibilities that could have been, had the heat not been so sweltering. Maybe, in some other reality, a different timeline where different choices were made, you and Maul met when it was raining. Maybe then it could have worked out, if everything had been dampened, simpler... more cold.

But the sun shines bright, sucks all the moisture from the ground and leaves plants wilting and the freshwater low, and it means you are once again sweating in the middle of a crop field tending to the struggling new shoots.

You sigh, a long exhale from your nose, and you wipe the gathered droplets from your brow. The sun rays beam down, infinite and unforgiving, until you walk to the canopy of a tree, to the shade where they can’t touch you. The semi-coolness dimples the skin of your arms with goosebumps, and the drop in temperature is a welcome change.

You sigh again.

I think it’s time to let go of this endless summer afternoon.

#star wars #star wars darth maul #darth maul x reader #darth maul x you #darth maul #writing prompts #angst prompts #anon ask #anon #orion answers

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bondsmagii · 3 years

Note

Regarding beloved toys becoming real a la the velveteen rabbit

ARCHIVIST

Statement of Matthew Calhoun, regarding a living childhood toy. Original statement given January 23, 1998. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)

I didn’t have any friends as a kid. I’m not exaggerating – I didn’t have any. There’s always that one kid in every class who’s just… well, a reject, really. It sounds harsh to say, but I don’t really blame them for it. Of course, I would have preferred it if they’d just left me alone; ignored me rather than tormenting me, but that’s how it goes. I can’t excuse their cruelty, but I can excuse their dislike of me. I really, really can’t blame them. Now I’m an adult, looking back on it all, I really… well, is it bad to say it? I suppose I should just be honest. I’m about to admit to much worse. Alright – I hate my child self. I’m embarrassed by him. If I had a kid like that, I—I don’t know if I could say I wouldn’t love him, but let’s just say my sympathy would be limited if he was getting teased. I was unbearable as a child. I was a swotty little know-it-all; I snitched on my classmates; I always had a smart answer for everything. I’d try and get people to talk to me or hang out with me and when they didn’t want to, I’d stick my hand up and tell the teachers they were being mean. I was a grubby little kid, too, which wasn’t really my fault at all because my parents didn’t have a lot of money when I was growing up, but I had other gross habits I could have probably avoided. I didn’t like to brush my teeth, so my breath always stank. I picked my nose in class with absolutely no shame, wiping it underneath the desk. God, when I think about it now I could just throttle myself. Like I said, I don’t excuse the cruelty that my classmates – and sometimes my teachers – inflicted on me, but I do think back and wonder why I managed to feel so victimised over the fact nobody wanted to hang out with me. I mean, who the hell would? This, along with the fact I didn’t have much to do at home thanks to my parents’ low income, combined to make me both very bored and very lonely, and that’s what led to the reason I’m here today. It’s a confession, as much as anything else – the only reason I don’t want to go to the police is because I know they won’t believe me at all, whereas at least I stand a little chance of being believed here. Maybe then you can judge me accordingly. It’s what I deserve.

When I was eleven years old, I murdered one of my classmates. Her name was Vanessa Smith, and the newspapers reported that she had been attacked and mauled by dogs while walking home one late afternoon. Her injuries were so severe they couldn’t think of what else could do it. Of course, no dog was ever found. They tested so many of them, inspecting them for traces of blood, for pieces of human remains in their waste. Nothing showed up, because no dog killed Vanessa Smith. It was me. Alright, not by my own hand, but I was the cause of it. Let me try to explain.

When I was four or five, my grandmother read me a story called The Velveteen Rabbit. It’s a children’s story about a toy rabbit who comes to life because the little boy it belongs to loves it so much. I was fascinated by the idea, and for years believed that such a thing was possible. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t have any toy animals, or really any toys to begin with, because my parents really had no money at all. We lived in a tiny house where all of the furniture was on loan; we had one sofa, a wooden chair, a bare mattress to sleep on each, and really not much more. My parents were on a steady upward trajectory as I grew up, so by the time I made it to high school we were at least managing to present as normal, but when I was a kid my toys were whatever I could find in the garden. My parents would send me out the moment I got up and I’d come back in as it was getting dark; in the winter they let me stay out until bedtime, because it was warmer for me to be running around outside than sitting still in our heatless home. Those were cold, lonely hours, and as I grew I found myself thinking back time and time again to that story – about the power to give something life because it was so loved. I thought this was fully possible. I was only a kid, and kids will believe anything; that was also my general understanding of how babies were made – that two people loved one another so much that they created a third. Well, I didn’t have another person to help me, and I didn’t want a little brother or sister. I wanted a friend. The thought that I could bring a toy to life myself, just out of love, utterly consumed me.

First, though, I needed a toy. Even second-hand toys were out of the question, money-wise, and I had no friends to ask for cast-offs. In the end I improvised. I found a scrap of fabric from one of the old sheets my mother had fashioned into curtains, and I lay it flat on the ground and filled the centre with a few rocks for weight, and as many dry leaves as I could find. Then I pulled all four of the corners up, twisted the fabric down to meet the filling, and tied it off with an elastic band. The end result looked kind of like a radish, I guess, or a strangely shaped ghost. Still, a felt-tip pen gave it eyes and a friendly smile, and I even drew a couple of fangs at the corners of its mouth, just to make it a little more boyish. I called him Sammy, and he became my best friend. He went everywhere with me aside from school, because I knew damn well what the other kids would do to him. Outside of school, though? We were inseparable. We ate breakfast and dinner together, we went roaming around together, he watched me as I dug around in the back garden or on the trails behind the house. He sat on the toilet seat as I had my cold baths; he slept next to me in bed. When he got a little crushed and out of shape, or the leaves disintegrated beyond anything I could shape them back into, I would play at putting him to sleep so I could “operate” on him and fill him back up again. I still remember the glorious day that one of my parents’ pillows split beyond repair, and my mother, meaning well, I’m sure, gave me some of the stuffing for Sammy’s head. After that he was almost a proper stuffed toy, soft instead of jagged, but I think it was that improvement that doomed me. He got stronger after that. I started to dream about him.

I was eight when I first made Sammy. I was ten when the dreams started. At first he would just be there, normal as ever. I would be carrying him around, we’d be doing our thing. Then one day the dream was different. The two of us were sitting at the breakfast table and it was dark outside, but the sky was a strange, beating red. Sammy was sad; I knew this somehow. I asked him what was wrong, and he said to me, “I’ll never be a real boy without a heart”. Then he lay his head on the table and began to sob. I woke up, feeling utterly wretched; I wasn’t even scared. I pulled Sammy to me and cried myself. I was utterly despondent. I knew I had to do something, but what? That was when I realised I could make him a heart. It might not be great, but it would be something, right? That very morning I drew a heart on a piece of paper, coloured it in my most vibrant red, and tucked it into Sammy’s fabric, securely tied underneath the elastic band. I thought he seemed much happier after that, and increasingly I was certain that he wasn’t in the same place as I’d left him when I got back from school. This excited me, because I was sure it would work somehow. I loved Sammy more than anything. He was my only friend in the world. I knew that some day soon, Sammy would have to come to life.

The hearts kept getting crushed out of shape, or fraying, or otherwise getting worn. Every time they did, Sammy would whisper to me – no longer in dreams now. In my head, in my ear. His breath tickling my cheek, smelling of mulch. Always the same things. “I’ll never be a real boy without a heart.” I kept making new ones but he started getting angrier; they never lasted. “I’ll never be a real boy without a heart! I’ll never be a real boy without a heart!” I wanted to do my best for him but he was starting to scare me. I didn’t know what to do. I told him this. For the first time, I got the impression he was mad at me for being sad, when he never had been before. But what could I do?

I got my answer the summer I turned eleven. The rabbit had been left right out on the trail I always walked to get from my parents’ house and into the woods behind it. It had been mauled by something – a fox, I thought – but not eaten. Its chest was open, and its small little heart was right there for the taking. I don’t know why I did it. It was disgusting, and what’s more I knew that if I put a real heart in Sammy it was going to rot, and stink, and Mum would make me throw him out. I knew all this, but I still couldn’t stop myself. I walked quite calmly to the rabbit, carefully pinched its heart between my fingers, and pulled it free. It came so easily. Nothing needed to be cut or wrenched; it just slid out, and within moments it was tucked inside Sammy. I heard it begin to beat.

Sammy wasn’t mine after that. I still tried to love him, but I was scared of him. I couldn’t understand what had happened. I thought love was supposed to be a good thing, you know? That’s what I’d been told. I wondered what it meant, that my love had created this. Everyone else’s love created nice things, fun things, safe things, warm things. My love had created this… this monster, this wretched little thing… I loved it out of fear. I was too afraid to let it know of my contempt, because I didn’t know what it would do to me. I think it knew anyway, of course. I think it knew I feared it; I think it realised, on some level, that I still had some of the power. I could throw it into the fireplace, for example. I thought about that a few times; even thought about asking my mum or dad to do it for me, act like I grew out of Sammy and was embarrassed of him. Sammy could sense it. I could have done it, I think, when it had the rabbit heart. Only a small heart, a rabbit heart. Not good for too much exertion. But I hesitated, because I was scared, and I thought if I ignored it and just left the heart to finally fail – because it had to eventually, right? – Sammy would be back to begging me in dreams and I could get rid of him – of it – once and for all.

That’s not what happened. I was out playing in the woods, must have been August. It was near to school starting back, and I was stressed about it because for me that was a line in the sand. I’d tried to tell myself I’d get rid of Sammy before I started Big School, high school, you know, but I hadn’t done anything and I was really wigging out about it. Sammy was with me, of course, sitting propped up against a rock while I dug around in the mud by a small stream. I guess it was the running of the water that muffled the footsteps, because when I finally heard them and turned, it was too late. Vanessa was stepping out from between the bushes, and her eyes had locked on Sammy. She wasn’t ever overly cruel to me at school, but she laughed with the rest of them whenever I was being put through the torment of the day, and like all kids that age she had it in her to be cruel. I was frightened of her, in the same way I was frightened of all my classmates, and the look on her face as she looked between me and Sammy told me this was going to be wholly unpleasant. I just adopted the stance, you know: feet together, eyes down. Waiting for abuse. She asked me if this was my toy, and then she went on to tell me how stupid and ugly it was, and then she went on about me getting some real toys, oh, wait, you can’t afford that… normal stuff, and at least she wasn’t going to hit me, because the girls never beat me up. She did go to pick up Sammy, though, and I yelled at her not to. Not out of any protectiveness towards Sammy, but because I was scared. Vanessa didn’t know Sammy like I did. She hadn’t noticed Sammy’s beady little drawn-on eyes somehow managing to swivel, to follow her, to lock onto her. The way his smile widened slightly, and I finally noticed how many teeth he had.

“I’ll never be a real boy without a heart.”

She reached down to snatch Sammy up. She was saying she was going to throw him into the stream. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even call out a final warning. She reached down and he was on her. I still didn’t see him move. He was just… there, and there was blood, and I could hear something tearing, and Vanessa was screaming so loudly. I should have helped. I should have tried to do something, but I was too scared. When I finally managed to move it was to run away. I fled through the woods, not bothering to keep to the trails. I ran blindly, crashing through the undergrowth, falling, dragging myself up. When I got home my parents were both at work. I scrubbed myself, scrubbed the worst of the mud from my clothing, tried to breathe. Tried to convince myself that I had seen it wrong. Vanessa would be fine, right? I even managed to tell myself Sammy was scaring her for me, sticking up for me. I waited in terror for Sammy to come home, but he never did. I was glad, but I also… I mean, it’s always better when you can see the danger, right? The thought that Sammy was out there, of what he might do… but I never saw Sammy again.

Vanessa – or what was left of her – was found the following morning. The woods aren’t big. Pretty much as soon as it was light, search parties found her. I don’t think anyone was happy with the dog story. I’ve avoided looking it up over the years, but I’ve heard things here and there. I know they say that the injuries inflicted on her were severe, even for a large dog. It’s more like something you would expect from a bear, or a big cat. Plus none of her was eaten, I don’t think. I mean, I’ve never heard it. Nobody suspected me, because why would they? My parents didn’t even ask about where Sammy had gone. I guess they figured I’d finally grown out of it.

I don’t know if there’s anything you can do with this statement, or if you’ll even believe it. I doubt there’s much room for research. I just wanted to tell somebody. Maybe if I was religious this is the point where I might go to confession, ask to be absolved. I’m not religious, though, and I’m not sure I can be absolved of this. That’s it.

ARCHIVIST

Statement ends.

Mr Calhoun is right. Not much can be done in regards to looking into this further. Attempts to reach Mr Calhoun for a follow-up statement were thoroughly unsuccessful thanks to the fact that he committed suicide shortly after making this statement. The records show that eleven-year-old Vanessa Smith was indeed mauled to death by a large dog or dogs in August 1971, though the story never really gained traction in national newspapers and further information is scarce. Martin spent an afternoon looking through online newspaper archives for the area and managed to find only one piece of new information; something that could easily be dramatization considering the fact it stopped being reported within twenty-four hours. I include it here only because it seems significant regarding Mr Calhoun’s story. Apparently young Miss Smith’s body was badly mauled but mostly uneaten – there was only one missing body part, believed eaten, and that was her heart.

Aside from that, there is nothing new to say about this one.

End recording.

#tma #statement prompts #my writing #fakements #long post #anon #asks

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 3 years

Text

The Dragon Egg (Parts 19-25)

Another set of chapters for @secrettunnelatla’s event.

Chapter 19 Leather For Sequin

She should be eating better, should be better hydrated, should bathe more, should exercise more, should be sleeping better. She finds it harder to do these things at all, much less to an optimal degree. Sleeping is especially hard, having favored doing so on her belly. It helps little that the baby seems to be particularly active when she is trying to sleep with its kicks and squirms. She still can’t get used to it, she doesn’t think she will. It leaves her feel queasier than the morning sickness ever had.

Even if she were as physically comfortable as possible she doesn’t think she’d sleep. Her mind is stuck on Seicho and on all of the articles she has scrolled through during the past few days. Articles that drag her name through the mud and articles that praise Blue Talon for things she should be credited for. She lies awake, staring at the ceiling, hands clasped over her belly. She finds the baby’s foot--or maybe it is a hand--and rubs over the spot, a fruitless attempt to get her to settle down. All the while her mind runs in circles over the headline, ‘Fire’s Reign’s Fire Lord Ozai Denounces Pregnant Daughter’. She didn’t think that he would so publicly condemn her. She should have; he does, afterall, have an image to protect. As if he hasn’t already tarnished it with his binge drinking. She imagines that Zuko is probably getting a good kick out of it. She brings her rubbing to a stop and closes her eyes.

She gets little sleep, but enough of it that she has to be woken by Zhao. She doesn’t know why he bothers, it isn’t as though she will make use of the day. But the man is annoyingly persistent, refusing to leave the living room until she declares that she has to get dressed.

She slips into one of Koemi’s dresses. Eventually she is going to have to pester Zhao to help her buy at least one outfit that suits her aesthetic more, his wife’s attire is absolutely gaudy. Today’s disaster is orange with a sunflower print, which might not have been so horrible if the sunflowers weren’t purple and pink in color. She feels more ridiculous than usual when she emerges into the kitchen.

“I have some good news for you.” Zhao smiles.

“You’re going to take me back to that volcano you hated so much and pitch me into it.” She mumbles.

The man looks horror-stricken. If she weren’t so low she certainly would have laughed.

“I managed to get you a record deal under a new label.”

“Please tell me that it isn’t Uncle Iroh’s sketchy basement recording studio.”

“It isn’t. It is another label that I work for.”

“And which one is that?”

“WSLSE.”

Apparently her reaction isn’t satisfactory.

“Wan Shi Tong’s Library Of Sound Entertainment.” He clarifies. “You left a good impression on the man. Raava has also been speaking fondly of you.” He slaps a print out onto the table and pushes it to her. “You have been visiting the wrong websites.”

Her brows crinkle. “You have no right to…”

“Monitor my children’s browsing activity?” He asks. “My children still listen to Happy Hei Bai and my wife doesn’t follow music news. That leaves one person who would search up Blue Talon over and over again.”

She folds her arms. “What of it?”

“You’re making yourself miserable.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “All of this talent is just...confined to a couch.” He pauses. “Which is why I took it upon myself to get you signed to a new label…”

“With what band, Zhao!”

“You’re a soloist now.”

“A soloist?” She sputters.

“You don’t exactly mesh well with people.”

No doubt he had overheard her screeching at Seicho. “And yet, I can’t seem to do without them.”

He chuckles. “That’s where we disagree. You have a divine voice, to have it buried under wailing guitars and pounding drums is a shame. The idea I pitched is to have you go acapella and truly showcase your voice for everything that it is.”

Azula’s face pales. “In other words, there’s no room for error. Mistakes are easily detectable.”

“You aren’t one for mistakes and error.”

She frowns rather deeply and gestures to her bump. Ever the gentleman Zhao tiptoes his way back a statement or two. “You won’t be alone, you’ll have a team of fantastic producers and a very talented manager.”

Azula inhales through her nose.

“I dropped Blue Talent to focus on this new project…”

“Me.” Somehow she manages to frown more deeply still. “You dropped a band with a perfectly flawless trajectory for me. Since when do you take risks?”

“Since I found someone worth placing a bet on.”

“That’s what I am to you, a bet. A product.”

“A child.” Zhao cuts in. “I’ve known you since you were as young as my own little ones.”

She massages the bridge of her nose. “Zhao, Audio of Agni is a battle of the bands.”

His smile falters. “I am working on that.”

“Spirits, Zhao! What’s the point of putting me back in the studio if--”

“You don’t need Audio of Agni to make it big.” He mutters. “I don’t know what it is with you youths and hinging your entire careers on it. We didn’t have battle of the bands when I got into this industry. The Tui La’s didn’t part-take until the fourth event.”

“Zhao…”

He cuts her off once more, the audacity of the man. “We’re going to make a name for you regardless of Audio of Agni. And we’ll do it on raw talent alone.”

“Acapella artists never do well.”

“Acapella artists seldom do well. Most of them are generic. Their voices don’t stand out without instruments.”

“I’m known for metal music…”

“And you’re capable of ballads and operatics. With this project we’re going to put emphasis on your clean vocals. Once that takes off, we can take more risks--you can try doing acapella with those screaming vocals…”

This time she cuts him off. “What about piercings and tattoos says, ‘acapella and opera artist’?”

“Your vocals don’t have to match your looks. But if you must have it that way, we can swap out some of your piercings for less...bold ones. We can cover the tattoo. Your pregnancy might help with this new image.”

She cringes though she isn’t entirely opposed to a more elegant style of dress; she enjoys the glitz and glimmer every now and again. But, Agni, she can’t pull it off not when she has let herself go like this.

“Your first session will be tomorrow, I’ll send my wife shopping with you, you could use a wardrobe for photoshoots and what not.”

She only agrees so that she won’t have to beg the man to buy her better clothes.

Chapter 20 Dragon Tongue

It is daunting to see one of her monikers in the headlines again. To see it there in a more neutral, speculative light. ‘Blue Talon Vocalist Flies Again as Dragon Tongue’. She wishes that she could feel something other than dread, a growing sense that she is only building up momentum for a mightier, more embarrassing fall than her first one.

The announcement of her new single is daunting. And attempting to record a whole new extended play before Audio of Agni and the birth of her baby is twice that. Hama is adamant that she should be taking it much easier, especially since finding out that her baby might be born with an unusually low weight.

She thinks that she should be taking it slower. And yet she can’t afford anymore slacking. She has already wasted so much time sulking and moping and making a deeper mess of herself.

And so she is in the recording booth again and with new material. Material and lyrics that are so much rawer. So much more painful to sing through. They are confessions of shame and inadequacy. Laments of betrayal. And ballads of loneliness. And she can’t hide any of the pain behind indistinguishable growls or loud guitar shreds. It is all crisp and vivid. Open. Naked. She isn’t sure that she wants to do this anymore. Not when every session brings her closer to tears. Closer to a total meltdown.

Every session reminds her of what she lost. Every session reminds her that what she is doing now is nothing compared to what she could have been doing. Every session reminds her of Mai and TyLee and of Seicho.

And when her mind isn’t ailing, her body is aching. Aching in ways that she hadn’t anticipated. Her feet hurt so bad, they hurt when she is sitting down. Her ankles are swollen--Hama assures her that this is normal. As normal as the persistent ache in her back and the odd nose bleeds and congestion that she gets every now and then. On those congested days, she can’t even work.

On other days she finds herself short of breath. Her growing baby is pushing against her lungs. On those days her voice is so weak and breathy. She records regardless. Perhaps she would have allowed herself a break if Zhao weren’t so adamant that the breathy quality gives her a one of a kind sound. An ethereal sound.

She is inclined to disagree. She just sounds weak and weird. She pushes through, she always pushes through.

She promises herself that, whatever she does, she will not read the critiques of her new work. Her self-esteem is already in tatters. They talk more about her pregnancy and what it is doing to her body than they do her work. In that regard she almost hopes that Dragon Tongue is such a flop that it will eclipse that sort of talk.

It is well into the evening. The studio gets so much quieter in the evening. And in the silence her loneliness is emphasized. She remembers late nights of purposely poor vocals and drinking. Of idle chatter between songs. She remembers the crashing of a drumsets when Chan forgets to watch where he steps. She remembers stupid cover songs when they had time to kill. She remembers laughing. She remembers happiness. She remembers friendship.

Chapter 21 A Phoenix In The Winter

His world is in a perpetual winter. A little is no longer enough. He no longer needs food or love or inspiration. He no longer needs a band. He only needs a white winter and his presents come in pouches and needles.

He is losing his senses; of time, of himself, of everything really. One day is the same as the next and none of them bring him any closer to true stardom. His bursts of artificial energy only result in disjointed lyrics and half-assed ideas.

There is no organization and no real attempt to turn them into full songs. He has missed shows to the point of his tour being cancelled. It is so much money down the drain that even Iroh has turned his head. And when the word ‘rehab’ falls from his lips, Zuko runs. Perhaps not literally, but he hasn’t spoken to his uncle since, snubbing all attempts at conversation.

He is perpetually twitchy and agitated and Iroh makes a mistake. He enters the room, guns blazing, “Zuko, get in the car.” It is firm but not firm enough for him to put the needle down. The man sighs, “alright, nephew…”

The minute his hands take him by the shoulders, he is on the ground and Zuko is standing over him seething. “Don’t tell me what to do! What are you, anyways!? A fat, lazy, washed up rockstar! I don’t need advice from you!” But he does, he needs it more than ever. He yanks Iroh up and drags him to the door. He knows that uncle is holding back. He would be flat on his own ass if he wasn’t.

“Zuko, don’t do this. Let me help you get off of this path.” He hears as the door slams.

He is already too far down this path. His only option is to keep on walking. Walking down his cracked and lonely, frigid path. It is desolate now that drumsets, guitars, and microphones no longer clutter the street. He doesn’t pass many people. It is just he and the snow and it is falling thicker than ever.

Iroh hasn’t dropped him from the label yet, but he isn’t making anything of it and so it comes as no surprise to him when TyLee informs him that she would like to try her hand at the school’s gymnastics squad. He lets her go because she can have something. She can make something of herself.

He is less surprised when Mai declares that she is going to write a few poems or, “maybe just focus on school.”

It is fine with him, he doesn’t want to drag them under with him. And so he sits alone in the dark, huddled in a corner rocking back and forth, enveloped in a drug induced anxiety. A state of panic and paranoia that he can’t seem to stave off.

He is deep into it when his phone rings. “We need to talk.” Says the voice on the other end.

“Not right now, Mai. I can’t talk right now, Mai.”

She exhales long and audibly. “Yeah, that’s just it, Zuko. You never want to talk. You never want to do anything…” she backtracks some. “You only want to do one thing. You’re high right now aren’t you?”

“Yes...no?” He doesn’t remember. He isn’t sure if he is coming down or in the middle of a bad trip. “Mai? Mai, are you there.”

“I was there, Zuko. But I’m not now. Not anymore. I can’t be.” The line goes dead.

Phoenixes aren’t meant for snow. It is no wonder he is dying.

.oOo.

The school has been closed for hours now. The windows are as dark as he feels within. He scales his way up the roof. Up to the place where his hopes were born and discussed. He can practically taste the cigarette smoke, the anticipation, the energy that came with a dream in the making.

In its wake is a stale taste, he will drown it with another. He pops the cap off of his beer and gives it a good chug, music blasts loudly and aggressively through his headphones. He drapes them around his neck so that he may hear the cars below and the wind around him. It rustles his flannel shirt.

It’s a nice night, clear and warm. Spangled by a vast array of stars that he can’t seem to reach no matter how high he climbs, no matter how far he reaches. He lays back, he wishes he could relax but he doesn’t have enough coke in his system for it. He sits up for another good drink and then another until he feels a buzz. He doesn’t have enough bottles to take him any further. He supposes he doesn’t really need the help, he has his own woes and hopelessness to propel him the rest of the way.

He stands up and makes his way to the very edge of the roof. He swings his arms back and forth in preparation. He takes a deep breath, the song drones on. He takes another breath. Swings his arms. He’ll finish the song and that’s it. Then he’ll take flight.

He inhales deeply as the song fades out. His phone buzzes in his pocket. He takes it out, inclined to throw it as hard as he can; at this point, Mai can go fuck herself. But it isn’t Mai’s name that decorates the screen. It isn’t TyLee’s. It isn’t even Iroh’s.

He doesn’t know why, but he picks up the phone. For a moment he only hears breathing, breathing and perhaps sniffling. It takes him a moment to realize what he is hearing, but before he can make anything of it, she speaks, “Zuzu?”

He doesn’t reply.

“Zuzu, I really need someone. I need you.”

Chapter 22 The Dragon & The Phoenix

His chest constricts and he grits his teeth. “I need someone too.” He turns off his music and kicks the empty bottles, they shatter upon the pavement below. “Where are you?” The line goes dead and a text comes through.

By all means, he shouldn’t be driving, but he climbs behind the wheel of Iroh’s car. Spirits, he hopes that he doesn't wreck it. Iroh is already furious.

Truth be told he hadn't known what to expect. Throughout the drive images flashed through his mind, each of them involving a drunkenly enraged Ozai and Azula huddled in the corner. When he reaches the studio he does fine her in the corner. But she is alone.

Alone and very heavily pregnant. He thinks that he remembers reading about that somewhere but, like many other things, it had slipped his mind. For a moment he thinks that he got the wrong address, he doesn’t recognize her with her belly so big and her expression so tired and defeated.

Even if he did have the wrong address, he wouldn’t have left. He couldn’t have. He can’t remember the last time he had sobered up so abruptly. With fumbling fingers he ties his headphones tightly around her arm just above her wrist.

Her other hand comes to squeeze his own wrist. “You don’t have to, it’s not that deep.” She mumbles softly.

“Not that deep!?”

She doesn’t meet his eyes. “I changed my mind. It’s...it’s really not that deep, I just need a bandage.” She gestures vaguely towards the door. “There’s a first aid kit in the lobby.”

He gets up to leave and hesitates, casting a look back at her.

“Go on, Zuzu. I’m not going to do anything else. I...I don’t want to die.”

He wishes that he could say the same. He comes back with the first aid kit and begins bandaging her wrist only to have her slap his hand away with a curt, “I can do it myself.”

He scoffs, “then what the fuck am I here for?”

She flinches. “Nothing, never mind. You can go.”

He rubs his hands over his face. He hasn’t spoken to her in so long, he’d forgotten how she can be. Even when she’s asking for help she can’t swallow her pride. Even when she’s asking for help she’s intolerable. He almost does leave but he thinks that if he does she might just change her mind a second time. He sighs, “why did you ask me to come here if you don’t want my help?”

She holds her silence until he is on the very edge of frustration. “I want you, Zuzu. I don’t have anyone to talk to.”

“So I’m your last resort?”

She nods. At least he can commend her for her honesty.

“I think that I need to talk to you specifically.”

His brows furrow, “why do you think that?”

“Because you would understand.”

He tilts his head.

“What failure is like.” She elaborates.

He feels as though he has been punched in the gut. “Seriously, you called me here to insult me? I don’t need this shit right now, okay!”

She shakes her head vigorously. “I--no, that’s not what I meant.” She rubs her hands over her face. He cringes at the smear of blood she leaves behind. He doesn’t think that she has noticed. If she has, she doesn’t bother to wipe it away.

“What else can you mean?”

She thinks for a moment, “Empathy. I’m empathizing?”

He has to laugh. He face falls. It is his turn to clarify, “we’re a pathetic duo, aren’t we?”

She nods, “very.” She wipes the remaining tears from her eyes. “I suppose that it’s the rockstar lifestyle. The parts they don’t talk about…”

“Or it’s the father that raised us.” He grumbles. For once she doesn’t protest this. He wonders just what the man did to her. “What happened? You were doing so good.”

“So were you.” And with a shake of her head she adds, “no I wasn’t.”

“Neither was I…” He trails off.

“What happened…” she repeats the question back to him and then she rubs her good hand over her baby bump.

“Right. Yeah. That’ll do it.” He frowns. “Chan’s?”

“How’d you know?”

“He’s a total tool.” Zuko shrugs.

She laughs, a very quiet and sad sort of chuckle but a laugh no less. “What about you, Zuzu. I haven’t heard a thing about From Ashes To Phoenix since…”

“Since I went berserk and got arrested at my own concert? Yeah. Because there hasn’t been a thing to talk about since.”

“Not even one new song?”

“There’s no time for songs when you’re...when you’re…”

“On drugs?” She finishes. “Zuko, what happened to us? How did this happen?”

“It just did, I guess.” He frowns. It is much more complex than that. “Are you still with father, I’m sure that Iroh wouldn’t mind letting you stay with us. He probably needs a break from me.”

“I’m staying with Zhao. He got me a new record deal and…”

And Zuko is once again furious. Even when she’s falling, she’s still on her way up. She still has something going for her. She’s probably still getting good publicity. Hell, even bad publicity can take her far. It’s all about the spotlight and she decided to open her wrists. And with a baby in her belly. Perhaps that is why she changed her mind so quickly. Perhaps it is why she had made her initial decision. The anger passes as quickly as it had come over him. “I’m angry all the time.” He doesn’t mean to cut her off, it just falls from his lips. He hasn’t really gotten a chance to get it out.

“I can tell.” She replies. “It’s in your eyes.” She seems to hum to herself. “But you have Mai,TyLee, and Iroh, right?”

He shakes his head. “They’re all disappointed, mad, both?”

“Everyone, except Zhao--I guess--is angry with me.”

“For being pregnant?”

“For being...unbearable. You don’t even want to be here, Zuzu. I can tell.” “I don’t want to be anywhere, actually. It has nothing to do with you. Really, it doesn’t.” He pauses. “I was about to jump.”

“Why did you change your mind?”

“I was interrupted.”

She nods and then her eyes widen, only briefly, with understanding. “Why didn’t you call me?”

He almost tells her that it is because she is her. Instead he responds, “I didn’t think about it, I guess. Drugs do that.”

She nods again. And then her eyes light up. “You can record things with me! I won’t be alone anymore and you’ll be able to get back on track!”

“I can’t focus on music right now.”

And her face falls again.

“But you can still talk to me. I can go with you to appointments.” He offers.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Can I come with you to rehab?”

He rubs his hands over his face. “I guess. If Uncle is still willing to take me there.”

“He’s uncle. Of course he’ll still take you.”

Chapter 23 Life In The Embers

She feels both better and worse all at once. In a sense it had been liberating to let her emotions flood over, to get them out, to let herself reach the very bottom. There is a sense of calm that follows in its wake. A sense of calm that has compelled her to call Seicho and ask her if she could meet her in the recording studio. Only after the girl had said that she would think about it did Azula send her, her schedule for that week.

At the very least, she can talk to Zuko now. Even if much of their conversation has been getting him through the first stages of withdrawal. Truthfully it was nothing like she had expected.There was no shaking, no vomiting nor sweating. If she didn’t know him she would say that he wasn’t going through withdrawals at all. But she does know him well enough to know that he isn’t himself.

It has been six days since he’d found her with her bleeding wrists and five days since she’d accompanied him to his first rehab visit. Five days since Iroh, for the first time, looked at her with care and trust. Five days since she realized that she might not be left on her own with this baby. Five days and she is due to check in on Zuzu, if only to intimidate him into keeping on track.

She removes her studio headphones, hangs them up on their designated rack, and exits the recording booth.

“Done for the day?” Zhao asks.

Azula nods, “I promised Zuzu that I would meet him at The Serpant’s Pass Cafe. I’m ahead of schedule anyhow.”

“Very ahead. You’re only a song away from a full setlist.” Zhao agrees. “How about you take the day off. If you’re up for it, I can try to get in touch with a director and we can discuss a music video. It doesn’t have to be fancy…”

“I think that simplicity will work well for this new sound.” Azula agrees. “We’ll talk, Zhao.”

For the first time in a while, she leaves the recording studio with a smile. A smile and a sense that things will come together as they used to. She slips her sunglasses over her eyes and makes her way across the street as hastily and discreetly a possible. People are paying her attention again and it comes in the form of photo op and autograph requests and an occasional paparazzi intrusion. For now she evades their lurking.

She finds Zuko sitting at the corner most table of the cafe’s patio, already well into an appetizer. She slips into her chair only to find that it is not an appetizer at all, but spicy wings. “You started eating without me?”

He shrugs, “want one?”

She shakes her head.

“But you love spicy food.”

“The baby doesn’t.” She frowns.

“Well I already ordered the rest of our food.” He gestures to the waiter heading for their table with a rather absurd amount of platters. Between her pregnancy and his withdrawal cravings, she and him are a horrid duo in this regard. She thinks to question it only until Zuko begins tearing into his meal.

She rolls her eyes, “don’t be sloppy.” At least she can handle her liberal appetite with poise and grace.

“Don’tell me whadda do.” He grumbles through a mouthful.

She cringes. “Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

He repeats himself. When he finally swallows the rest of his food he asks, “how have you been holding up.”

Azula sighs deeply, “I can’t breathe properly and I’ve had this annoying itch.”

“An itch.”

“On my belly.”

“Is that...normal?”

“Hama, my physician, says that it is. Something about skin expanding and dryness.” Nevermind the technicalities, the results are very mildly agitating. “And you, Zuzu?”

He frowns, “it’s hard Azula. You can’t even imagine.”

“You look better.”

“But I feel...restless and anxious. And depressed--I’m not sure if this is the drugs though.” He pauses. “I’m tired all the time and the nightmares don’t help.”

“What sort of nightmares?”

“They’re intense. Everyone is reminding me that I’m not going to amount to anything. Dad is always there. He...does things to me in these dreams. Worse than the real stuff.”

Azula nods.

“And Mai is there. So is TyLee, but she’s...weird. She contorts in ways that are crazy even for TyLee. I also had a dream that Aang, you remember him, right?”

“The neighbor kid with the big dog who liked to eat glue? I remember him, yeah. Why?”

“In one of my dreams he had these wild powers and there was this comet and Aang had to stop our father from using it to set the whole world on fire.”

Azula blinks, “Zuzu, there are corners of your mind that disturb me.”

He laughs. Admittedly it is nice to hear him laugh and nicer still to know that she has helped him laugh--a far cry from the distress she used to cause him.

“I suppose that I wouldn’t sleep easily either if I was dreaming about the glue kid getting superpowers.”

He laughs again. “Thanks for coming here, Azula. It’s nice to have someone to keep me company while I go through this.”

“Don’t get sappy on me, Zuzu.” She roll her eyes. She knows that if he does and starts hitting the right cords that she’ll probably start weeping, a humiliating mess of chaotic hormones. “I suppose that I share the sentiment.” She taps her fingers nails against the tabletop, they have grown increasingly long as of late. “You should try to get in good graces with Mai and TyLee again.”

“So should you?” He quirks a brow.

“They’re your bandmates and you still have a chance if you get it together. You already have enough material for Audio of Agni, you just need some publicity. Good publicity.” She pauses. “Of course, you’ll need a band first.”

“Azula, I’m still going through withdrawals.”

“All the more reason to do it. You could use a distraction.”

“You’re a distraction.”

“A bigger distraction. I can’t be here all the time, I have doctor appointments and a career to keep on top of. I’ve only just started getting back on front pages…” for good reasons, she nearly adds, “I need to keep my momentum.”

“So you’re choosing your career over me.”

“I’m choosing my well-being, my baby’s well-being. I don’t really have many other options, a successful solo project is my best chance to provide for this baby.”

“Have you considered adoption?”

It comes like a slap to the face, though she doesn’t think that he means it as such. She bites back her initial scathing retort. “I’m not going through all of this discomfort, disowning, and humiliation just to give the baby away. It’s mine. I want her.”

Zuko lifts his hands, “alright, sorry.” He puts them back down. “I was just really hoping that you’d be here more. I know, I’m surprised too; you’re insensitive and kind of the worst.”

“You’re a funny man, Zuko.” She responds dryly. “I’m not going to abandon you, not when you’re this pathetic. I just think that you should have more support than just me.”

“Do you have any other support?”

“Seicho, hopefully.” She pauses and pushes her final plate aside. “I’d also like to speak with Mai and TyLee again.” She stands up and pushes her chair in.

“I’ll try to talk to them.”

“Make sure to mention that you’re in rehab and that you know you’re an asshole. The asshole bit is especially necessary with Mai.”

“I’ll call you and let you know how it goes?”

“It better go well.” She wishes herself the same luck.

.oOo.

Azula looks much better now, happier, healthier, stronger. There is a radiance about her, something subtle but still present. And it is no wonder; she is back in the press again and much of the headlines predict a groundbreaking and unexpected comeback. The boast of a fallen vocalist whose flame is rising again despite it all. Seicho wonders if the girl is even aware.

“Thank you for meeting with me, Seicho, it is nice to see you again.”

Seicho nods. “Sure, Azula.”

Her gait is rather awkward as she walks alongside her. It prompts Seicho to inquire, “are things going well with the baby?”

“Mostly, yes. Hama has a few concerns.”

“You look a lot better.” Seicho remarks.

“Ugg, if only I felt that way.”

It comes to Seicho then, that the girl is breathing quite heavily, “do you need me to slow down.”

Azula nods, “a little bit yes.”

Seicho chuckles and slings her arm over Azula’s shoulders. She wishes that the girl weren’t so endearing, maybe then she could have drawn her resentment out longer. As things are, Azula is quite precious with her semi-clumsy gait and that genteler twinkle in her eyes. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I would like you to consider not being angry with me anymore.”

Seicho bursts out laughing. “Azula, that is the worst peacemaking opener I have ever heard.”

“How am I supposed to do it?”

“‘I’m sorry that I went off on you for no reason’, would be a good way.”

Azula’s cheeks flush. Seicho thinks that hers might be growing pink as well. She’s adorable, unquestionably so. “I...don’t usually...apologize to people.”

“I can tell.”

Her entire face is red now.

“You’re doing pretty alright.

“Does that mean you are considering my proposal? To not be mad at me?”

Seicho rolls her eyes. “Yes, that’s what it means.” That hopeful little smile seals the deal. “You wanna tell me about your new song ideas? This new concept is...different.”

“Do you like it?”

“I think that it suits you well.” Seicho replies. “You have a pretty voice. I didn’t realize that you had that kind of range. The breathing techniques are really bizarre but they sound neat.”

“Oh, those aren’t techniques. That is me suffering while I try to sing with this baby crushing my lungs.” Her eyes go wide for a flicker. “You’ve been listening to my new music?”

“N-no, well, it’s been on the radio so I couldn’t avoid it!”

She shakes her head, “you listened enough to be able to give me a review.”

“Fine, I’ve been listening to your new material. But I was still mad the whole time, okay? I was listening with resentment.”

Chapter 24

With a new digital album release and a highly anticipated music video in the works, Azula is growing confident again though Audio Of Agni still seems to be far out of her reach. If she makes the right moves and if her pregnancy doesn’t spring up any surprises, she might just be able to make it without the competition. It isn’t ideal and it is terribly frustrating, but at least she doesn’t feel so helpless anymore.

Mostly she feels drained and achy. Her sides stitch from time to time and her entire lower body is growing sore from carrying so much extra weight around. She exhales, she isn’t sure how much more of this she can take. Hama had warned her about the small contractions but they still take her by surprise every time.

They happen now, and when she could really use a break from them. She is just thankful that she is through with recording. From the looks of it, she will have to find a way to shoot the music video mostly sitting or laying. She has passed several ideas onto Zhao, her favorite being a trip to the local theater where she can perch herself on a stool and sing to an empty venue. They can make use of dramatic lighting and add glitter or glow effects electronically. It is simple and will rely on old time Noh theater aesthetics and a stunning costume. She anticipates that the mask will be the most expensive piece. The simpler, one location video will leave plenty of room in the budget for that.

She casts a look at the door. “They’ll be here soon.” Seicho assures her.

“But what if they decide not to come? Mai, TyLee, and I haven’t parted on good terms.” She rubs her hand over her belly.

“You’ve been helping Zuko out so much, you practically saved their band, how mad can they be?”

She isn’t sure that she wants to find out. Not that she has the chance to retract her invitation she hears a knock and climbs to her feet. Her bump lightly knocks against the table as she does so and she curses to herself. “I can get it, you know?”

Azula waves her hand dismissively. “I’m pregnant, not useless.”

.oOo.

Zuko hadn’t realized just how much a few weeks could change a person. Her cheeks are rosier and the bump is bigger still. In spite of it all, her look of prowess and determination has returned. She wears her pride as though it had never slipped from her grasp at all. Frankly, he hadn’t realized that it was truly missing until having seen it returned.

“Oh wow, you’re so big!” TyLee comments,clasps her hands, and holds them to her lips.

Azula’s face, already flushed lightly, grows redder still.

“How far along are you?” TyLee asks.

“Month six.” Azula huffs as she gestures them inside.

“Congratulations?” Mai quirks a brow.

She clears her throat, “thank you.”

He watches her make her way to her seat. She backtracks to fetch her water bottle and semi-clumsily saunters her way back to her seat.

“Still adjusting?” Mai asks.

“Constantly adjusting.” Azula grumbles before taking a drink. She rests her free hand on the bump. “You’re mostly done going through withdrawals, yes, Zuzu?”

He nods. “Sometimes I still really want to use again. Badly. It’s unbearable...it would be if I didn’t…”

“Take my advise and get back into the music industry? Yes, I am aware. You are welcome.” He has to laugh at her audacity, at least these days it is somewhat endearing. “You look a lot better Zuzu. Your eyes don’t have bags that reach to the floor anymore.”

“I don’t know if you’re trying to compliment me or insult me.”

“It’s a compliment, I’m saying that you don’t look like a walking corpse anymore.”

Somehow, he does feel a sense of pride in that. It is progress. Progress that he has made. Progress that he is still making. And she isn’t the only one who has noted these changes. Azula has certainly changed radically in the past few weeks, but he can’t deny that the changes in him have been just as dramatic even if they are less outwardly perceived. He does feel better about himself; he feels more inspired than ever, more creative and, for a change, it isn’t synthetic. It is all him, his mind, his...brilliance. He thinks that he can consider himself smart, at the very least he can consider himself not dumb.

She pulls out a pen and a sheet of paper. “So let’s start talking about music. I read over some of your new lyrics, they are rather solid they can just use some fine tuning and better penmanship, I don’t know what this is supposed to say.” She gestures to the worst of his chicken scratch.

He finds himself beaming regardless. She had given him a real compliment. He has written something worth singing. He could cry...

“Azula, can we just...be friends again first?” TyLee asks.

Her brows furrow, “you want to be friends again.”

TyLee smiles and nods. “To be honest, I don’t really even remember why we were fighting.”

“Because she kept picking on my boyfriend and working us to exhaustion.” Mai shrugs.

Azula’s expression darkens again.

“To be fair, she’s been working herself to exhaustion.” Zuko steps in.

She shrugs again, “I suppose that I don’t know many other people who work this hard six months in.”

“I have a lot that needs to be accomplished.”

“And you only have until battle of the bands to do it?”

“Solo artists can’t join.” She frowns, only to perk up again when adding, “but I’ve already written a setlist and a few ideas just in case.”

Zuko laughs, “of course you did.”

“Who is this?” TyLee points to Seicho.

She looks up from her phone, “I’m Azula’s girlfriend.”

“You are?” TyLee and Azula ask at once.

Seicho looks at Azula, “I thought that you knew that.”

“Azula is clueless.” Mai rolls her eyes. “You can take her on as many dates as you’d like, you can kiss her several times--”

“I have! Mostly in the recording booth between songs.” She declares.

“--And she still won’t put two and two together until you tell her that you’re dating.”

Seicho drapes her arm over Azula’s shoulder and pulls her closer. Her other hand reaches for Azula’s. “I go with her to her appointments too. I figured that she can pretend like I’m the baby’s father since Chan is an ass.”

“It’s Chan’s?” TyLee gasps. “He said that--”

“He lied. It is easier to make me out to be...dangerously promiscuous.”

“Oh Azula, I’m sorry.”

Azula offers only a dismissive wave. “Enough baby and drama talk. We need to start discussing music before the studio closes for the night. They lock up on Mondays for cleaning.”

.oOo.

All in all the night has been a success on a musical level and on a social level. The departure of Mai and TyLee is such a stark contrast to their last one. They part with an offer to team up with and do vocals for From Ashes To Phoenix should they make it to Audio Of Agni as well as an offer to invite her to game night at Iroh’s.

“I don’t know, card games, potato chips, and a super campy horror movie sound great!” Seicho declares. “Do you think that they’ll be down for basement tattoos?”

“Probably.” Azula answers nonchalantly. “Exactly how do you plan to get this past your parents? The last time I checked, they said that they didn’t want you hanging around some tramp.”

“They’re never home.” She shrugs. “And when they are, they don’t really pay much attention to me. They didn’t even know that I was a tattoo artist until I came home with a sleeve.”

“I see.” She replies. “Am I dropping you off at home or are you coming with me to Zhao’s place?”

“Zhao’s place! He makes a bitchin’ yakitori!”

Chapter 25 A Phone Call

If Iroh has an issue with the blearing music, he keeps it to himself. Azula reaches for another chip. “Hmmm...truth or dare, Azula?” She puts down the chip.

“Dare.”

“You’ve been picking dare all night!” She frowns, putting her hands on her hips.

“What can I say, I’m a daring person.”

“You just don’t want to tell the truth.” Seicho nudges her.

“I dare you to pick truth next time someone asks you to.”

“That’s cheating.”

“Mm mm, it’s not.” TyLee shakes her head, “we didn’t establish that rule when we were establishing the other rules.

“Truth or dare, Mai?”

“Dare.”

TyLee puffs out her cheeks. “You guys never pick truth!”

“I dare you to be the first one to get a tattoo tonight.”

“I’ll get one right now.” Mai shrugs. “I’ve had one on my mind for a while now.”

“Kickass! What can I get for you?” Seicho asks. “You can sketch it out while I get set up.” She leans in to kiss Azula on the forehead before getting up.

“Truth or dare, Zuko?”

He glances at TyLee before choosing dare.

“I dare you to…”

Azula leans over and whispers in her ear.

“I dare you to prank call Zhao.”

He punches Zhao’s number into the landline pinpad. “Hello, is this Zhao?”

Azula, Mai, and TyLee lean over his shoulder.

“Yes, this is Sokka. I am interested in getting a record deal.” He clears his throat. “Sorry, I’m nervous, I’ve never asked for a record deal before. But I have this great concept its...uh…” He looks at Azula. “It’s uh...okay, picture this, seven minutes of dog barks with occasional bursts of that noise you hear when you’ve lost TV signal.” He listens. “No, no! This is a totally serious pitch! I’ve even named the track it’s called, ‘Bark At The Static’ and I think that I’d be great touring with that guy who dresses up as a cabbage and Yodels.”

TyLee snickers.

The line goes dead and Azula sits down to finally have her chip. She dips it into the salsa.

“Okay, truth or truth, Azula?”

She rolls her eyes. “Truth number two.”

“Hmmm, do you miss being in Blue Talon.”

“A little, I suppose. I don’t think that I’d like to go back to them though. They lack integrity.” She scoffs. “They’re using my story to sell the band.”

“Your story?” Mai asks.

“I wrote about father before I was kicked out of the band.”

“I write about him too.”

“Yes, Zuzu, I’ve been helping you write those songs.”

“Right.”

“Everything’s all set up. You didn’t sketch, did you?”

Mai fishes through her bag, “I did a while ago.” Azula looks it over. It’s a darkly alluring sketch of a hand holding a punctured heart, weeping roses and thorns. “I want it on my left shoulder blade and a simple throwing star on the right one.”

While Mai gets herself comfortable in Seicho’s makeshift chair, Azula reclains and reads through the newsfeed. Blue Talon is still soaring high as ever, but From Ashes To Phoenix is already garnering heavy attention with their new single announcement. The whole thing was rather sappy story about Zuko’s recent rehab struggles and an apology for acting out on stage. And for herself, Dragon Tongue is finally being praised for her stunning vocals and her soft, divine sound.

Azula is still rather conflicted about how quickly they were to turn from accusing her of pregnancy being obscene and raunchy to them gushing about how a baby on the way is the finishing touch on her new, soothing sound. She supposes that she should be thankful that they are speaking well of her again, regardless of hypocrisy. She wonders if her father is reading these headlines; wonders if her is proud or if he is seething--fuming because she is still rising despite his efforts to snuff her flame.

“What sort of tattoos were the rest of you thinking of getting?”

“I just want a cute little cherry blossom on my pinky!” TyLee answers.

“A broken chain.” Zuko replies. “On my bicep.”

Azula thinks for a moment. “I’ll let you know as soon as I figure it out. I have to wait until after the baby is born.”

“Oh, right!” Seicho replies. “Maybe I can help you design one.”

Her phone vibrates in her hand, the number on the screen is unfamiliar. “Hello?”

“Azula?”

“Yes.”

“This is Raava.”

“Raava!?”

She hears the tattoo gun flick off and four heads turn in her direction.

“You have a gift and it will be heard at Audio Of Agni. I’d like to talk with you about a loophole that I found.”

“What sort of loophole?”

“You have done work with From Ashes To Phoenix, yes?”

“I will be recording with them soon.”

“I am going to extend a formal invitation to From Ashes To Phoenix. Given their cooperation, you will perform two of three songs with them and one solo.”

She hadn’t expected to cry that night, but she does. She feels like a fool crying in front of all of them, but she is so relieved. Relieved and hopeful. She hasn’t lost her dream.

It will be an absolute treat to see the shock and horror radiate off of Blue Talon when she makes her appearance. And a larger treat to show her father that her worth is beyond what he can give her.

#Avatar The Last Airbender #Azula #Azula/Cupholder girl #Zuko #Mai #Maiko #TyLee #Fanfiction #Very Long Text

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muwi-translates · 4 years

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Collar x Malice キャラクターCD ミニドラマ「二人きりの湯煙譚」

Collar x Malice Shiraishi Kageyuki Character CD Mini Drama - A Hot Bath for the Two of Us

Spoiler free. Just a note that I used a Chinese translation as my main source, and did some light cross-referencing from the original audio. There might be some inaccuracies.

**Please don’t move this translation or claim it as your own.**

---

This is my wishful dream, or perhaps, possibly the future. No one knows right now whether this will become a reality or a dream though. But to me, this is undoubtedly a treasured moment. Being able to spend time with her, not bound by anything, where her kindness and warmth makes people fall for her helplessly. Even if I’m not sure yet, these feelings growing in my heart must be real.

Hm…? So this is the inn we’re staying in today…[Laughs] But I have to say, your taste is really primitive.

Even though travelling overseas is better you decided to go on a hot spring trip? Well, this is my first time at an onsen so I’m looking forward to it. If it wasn’t for you, I would never come to a place like this.

Alright, alright, you don’t have to pull me that hard. The inn isn’t going to run away.

Hm… now that we’re here, the first thing we should do is… was it a pillow fight?

No?

I see, that’s a night time activity.

Aah, wasn’t there a rose bath here? You kept staring at the photos on the pamphlet.

That one is for women only? Go have a soak and tell me about it after.

Alright then, put down your luggage and go try it out. I want to go soak as well, so let’s decide on a time to meet up.

---

So this is a hot spring… different places divide the hot springs depending on the spring’s quality and their effectiveness… This one is for… fatigue recovery, muscle pain and... beautiful skin? Does that mean her skin is going to be all smooth? Her skin already feels nice to touch though. I know! I’ll ask her to let me touch her afterwards. I never thought that a hot spring would be this relaxing, usually I think a shower is enough. The color and smell is different, and there’s that thing that spits out water sometimes over there. This is surprisingly interesting. But, it’s not quite enough... it’s new, but it’s a bit boring being by myself.

She must be enjoying the rose bath now. It really is strange. To me, others are merely just people I can exploit for tasks, or things I can observe to sate my curiosity. It’s only natural that I’m alone, and I should be alone. When I’m with her, there are peaceful times, but also times where I’m restless. I have to think about how I word things, think about her, and worry about how to make her happy. Since I know it’s so I can communicate with her, these things are necessary even though they aren’t needed for survival.

Only her, I don’t want to let go. This is the one thing I don’t want to lose. I, who wasn’t allowed to have any desires, nor look back on my own life with nostalgia. I can’t go back to the ignorance I once had. Am I really broken? She’s the one who broke me.

---

Hah… she’s so slow, she didn’t fall asleep while soaking, right? There’s no way she would’ve.

But she said she didn’t get much sleep yesterday.

I’m getting worried.

I can’t exactly look inside the female baths...

Oh? You’re alright, that’s good.

No, you were just so slow that I thought something happened. Like maybe you fell asleep, or got involved in something when you were in a daze.

[Laughs]

What, you just took your time blow drying your hair?

Me? It’s okay if mine’s a bit wet.

Eh? You want to help me dry it when we go back to our room? Hm, that sounds luxurious. Looks like I won’t have to blow dry it myself from now on. Let’s go back then …Hm? This aroma...

I knew it, I can smell something light and sweet on you. It’s a nice smell.

That’s right, did your skin get any smoother? Eh? How am I supposed to know if I don’t get closer to you? I also want to know what it feels like to have a rose bath, how can I understand the properties of one without touching you?

So, hugging you would make this faster, wouldn’t it? If I keep holding you like this then the smell will rub off on me. It wouldn’t be a bad thing to match with you.

You’re embarrassed? Isn’t this level of contact normal? You’re the one who always surprises and embarrasses me by doing things.

Alright, alright, at least I got to see your funny expression.

We’ll be together all day, we can do that anytime we want.

Mhm, I’m happy. I’ve been looking forward to going on a trip with you.

I look the same as usual? You’re as dull as always. You’d know if you observed me more carefully.

---

It’ll be boring to stay in our room, going on a walk before dinner wouldn’t be a bad idea. What do you want to do?

Table tennis? [Chuckles] I do understand what table tennis is, you know. You take turns hitting the ball, right? It looks like this table is free for patrons to use.

Oh? You seem confident. I’ll be your opponent then. Okay~ pick up your racket.

You serve first, don’t worry about me being a beginner.

How strange. This is rather average. I thought [BAM] … you could hit it like this.

It was so fast you couldn’t see it? But it was still in the court so it’s a point for me. Ah, you look like you’re regretting this.

[Laughs]

You always go all out for everything. Whether you win or lose, it’s not going to affect your life, so just deal with it.

Ah, stop. Let me guess what you’re going to say. If we’re going to have a match don’t go easy on me-- something like that?

Okay~ go ahead and serve the ball.

You want to win knowing that both parties tried their best, even I understand something like that. That’s why I won’t hold back.

He~eh, were you aiming for the edge? But now you can’t afford to miss from now on! Now, what are you going to do?

What’s that? The winner gets to tell the loser what to do? What is this, doesn’t this benefit me more? Doesn’t that mean I can do whatever I want with you? Wait a second-- do whatever-- ah.

You fooled me. You… doing that when I was trying to think is a low-- or not, after all, this was a competition.

It’s a victory where you managed to shake me up. But you won’t be able to use that trick anymore. I already memorised your eye movements, your habits and your style.

Sure, I’ll keep you company until you’re satisfied. It’s fun to see you get serious. Plus, since there’s a reward I’ll have to go all out!

---

Haaah, it’s the first time I’ve ever eaten that much.

Yeah, I used to only eat a minimum amount of food. But it was delicious, I really savoured it.

That’s right, I heard they make hot spring eggs here, I was surprised to see eggs that sticky.

Hm? You can make them at home? Then, can you make some next time? It would definitely taste better if you made them.

It’s a promise.

Now, since the futon is all laid out already, isn’t it time we do… that? It’s my first time as well, I don’t know if I’ll be good at it. I’ll try my best.

Hm! So… you just hit your opponent as hard as you can with this pillow, right?

Huh? What’s with that face? Aren’t we having a pillow fight?

…Oh, okay. I’ll put the pillow down for now…

Oh? I see. So it’s more normal for students to have pillow fights? Well, it’s dangerous to really hit someone with one. What else is there to do-- ah, perhaps some steamy action? I hear it's an established tradition when you're on a hot spring trip.

Or not. I see.

If you say it like that then… let’s just sleep.

Hey, it’s only 9. I can’t sleep, can’t we talk some more?

It was an overwhelming victory on my end for table tennis, so for my reward-- yup, I want to talk to you about a lot of things.

Why are you laughing? It’s a weird desire? But to me it’s a suitable reward.

Now then, where should I start asking?

Do you like meat or fish dishes? What was your favourite dish you ate today? Also, I want to ask what your favourite fruit is, and who do you like-- Hm? Oh, it’s not fun to sleep in a room where you’re being questioned like this?

What, this is also something students do? And I still had a lot of questions to ask.

I didn’t mean to analyze you, I just want to know more about you. I want to like the things you like, and if I want to do something for you, if I don’t know what colours and things you like then shouldn’t I ask you about it?

To be honest, I really don’t have any confidence. I can live on the lowest standards of human beings. But if I do, then you’ll tell me off. Remember when you’d pull my coat back in at the Shinjuku station-- Hah, you’re getting embarrassed thinking about it? Me too, when I think back, my heart gets all restless.

As Shiraishi Kageyuki, I’ve never once done anything to please others. That’s why I’ve been trying to figure out how to build a relationship with you. I didn’t really understand... how you thought of me then. But when you said “I don’t hate you”, my heart felt itchy… and I felt… happy. Since then I’ve... to you--

Did you fall asleep? You could have fallen asleep when I wasn’t at the most important part. Oh well, I’ll go to sleep too.

Ah-- what, you were awake?

Are we going sightseeing tomorrow? That wagashi store you circled in your guidebook, if we don’t go early then all the popular products will be gone.

Yup, I looked into it. Because I want to see you happy more than seeing the expression you make when you’re disappointed you couldn’t eat any. Talking like this makes me happy, but you’ll be troubled if you overslept tomorrow. It’s time we sleep.

Eh?

What do you mean “aren’t you going to do anything”? Isn’t there nothing to do? We just--

Ah, wait!

… Um, could it be… you can’t sleep if you don’t have someone with you? Coming over to my side… that’s what that means, right?

Ah, but it would be difficult if you did this with other men, so if you can, just for me--

O-Oh.. I-I see...

It’s because you like me that you want to do this.

Y-You came so close to me, I can’t calm down, what do I do…

Hey, can I hold you?

So warm…

This doesn’t feel like reality.

Reality used to be all artificial to me. Whatever the name, a place to return to, the feelings, it would have all been reset. Because I needed to become my assigned character. Love, friendship, if I needed it I would make it up. I took these things for granted.

But… it’s all because you would call my name. No matter how I pushed you away you’d always chase after me, even if you were hurt you would never give up.

Why? Why, for someone like me...

You’re… such a fool.

You’re so hopeless.

But it’s you I’ve hopelessly fallen for.

I’m not crying, but it’s your fault if I was.

This empty heart of mine was too full and it overflowed.

But, this is also proof that I’ve become human.

I feel really happy today.

Tomorrow too, if I can be with you, I know I’ll be happy.

I’ll laugh a lot, fill up my heart again, and love you more than today.

There’s still a lot of things I don’t understand, so I might trouble you but--

“It’s okay if you do“? Said without hesitation, huh? Then, can I test to see if you really won’t be inconvenienced?

[Kiss]

Not just today or tomorrow, but if you’ll always be by my side in the future, I don’t think there will be anything that makes me happier.

But for that, I have to study hard. Until the day I’m ready to make you happy, when I can communicate that to you with words.

So wait for me.

Even if this is just a happy dream, I’ll definitely come back to you.

Alright, is it time to sleep now?

I hope that when I open my eyes, you’ll be by my side.

Good night, see you tomorrow.

#otome #drama cd #otomate #collar x malice #collar x malice unlimited #cxm #shiraishi kageyuki #mytranslations #drama cd translation

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jarofrebuke-transcripts · 3 years

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Jar of Rebuke Episode 3 Unofficial Transcript

Season 1 Episode 3: Cherry Tobacco

INTRO

The following audio recording is classified documentation for Case [audio distortion] with the Enclosure. Unauthorized access to this information will lead to immediate intervention. Progress further if proper clearance has been given.

JARED

I really need to get into the habit of doing this more often. Dr. Daman keeps asking how this is going, but I rarely have anything to tell her that she seems to want to hear. She really wants me to do this regularly, but sitting at my desk with a sore back didn't sound too appealing, especially if I didn't have to. Even though my back is feeling a bit better after the snipe hunt tournament incident, I'm actually recording this from a bed and breakfast. And I'm tired. Not even a vacation, it's more of a work trip. Not terribly much has happened since my last update. Darius's birthday was recently. He had a little get-together with some friends and he even invited me along, which was really nice. I made sure to get there a little early especially since it was a day off of work for me. We met up at Waytooth, a restaurant that his dads and him frequent often. I got there and just sat outside for a bit fiddling on my phone, then Darius showed up. He was so excited for the party, I could tell. He smiled the second we made eye contact. He jogged over to me and we talked for a bit. The weather is still pretty nice, it's finally starting to get chillier, which is actually nicer, I prefer the layers. So we sat outside and enjoyed the weather as we talked until his other friends showed up. They were all nice, but I kind of stuck by Darius most of the day since he was the only one that I really knew.

After lunch, we all went to a drive-in theater that they've got set up here in town, which is mostly just a projector and a large painted brick wall, but it was still a nice time. His friends all sat in different cars as we watched the movie, but Darius and I sat in the bed of his truck and ate snacks that he had packed. Darius is a really good cook. He's learning a lot of cool stuff from that class he's taking. I gave him a little gift, of course. Well, two things. I got him a new wrench set since he'd been saying that he needed a new one, his old one's been a bit worn down for a while. Uh, gifts to give him in front of his friends, since he really plays up the whole inheriting the family farm shtick around them. But we, when we were in his truck, just the two of us, I gave him his second gift. He said he had really gotten into cross stitching recently and he seemed a little embarrassed about it. But I wanted him to know that I thought that was interesting, so I got him a little pack of stitching patterns and some thread organizers. I wasn't sure what kind of patterns he'd like, so I just got him a couple of different kinds. He was quiet for a few moments after he opened that gift and I kind of panicked for a moment honestly. But he then gave me a really big smile and put his hand on my shoulder. He gave me a really soft thank you and I told him it was my pleasure, as long as he made me something. It was an obvious joke, at least I hoped it was obvious. But he asked what I'd want. I told him I like birds. Birds have so much freedom to just fly around and always sing such pretty songs. Besides geese, I don't like geese. He asked me if I had any favorites. I said I like blue jays. Major assholes, but beautiful. He laughed and he said he'd give it his best shot, but I told him that I’d hang up anything he made me. And that was about it. We barely watched the movie, we spent most of the time quietly talking actually.

What else have I done? Well, Dr. Castillo and I went and investigated the energy signatures from the cornfields after Todd told us to do so and you know what we found? Corn. That's it. Oh, and more corn! No energy spikes, no signs of tomfoolery of the natural or supernatural kind, nothing. It was almost strange how untouched by supernatural energies it seemed. We investigated during the day and at night. No changes. So we've been keeping tabs on the fields but nothing that's been too notable has happened when we're out there. We've been passing a lot of our time in the labs reorganizing files going over the energy spikes that have been recorded and theorizing what we could possibly be dealing with there. But until we can further examine it, there is not much we can do. Ever since they replaced my old lab partner my workload has been much lighter. I actually prefer to be busy than bored, and I think Dr. Castillo isn't used to having idle hands either. They only ever give me small menial tasks and it's becoming more annoying than anything else. But I did recently see my old lab partner, Dr. Lomax in the hall this morning. I've seen them in passing a few times but we haven't been able to catch up much since the sudden change. Dr. Lomax also has no idea why they got suddenly switched to a different lab. Seems that none of us know why the change was made. All Todd said was “just had to rearrange some staff, don't worry about it!”

Speaking of, before I left work today, I got another email from Todd. Typically his emails are him asking us to do something and then him talking himself up for multiple paragraphs and making it seem like it should be a privilege to do what he's asking you to do. But this email was him actually giving me lodging information for the local inn, and explaining that I had to pack up a bag and go. They apparently planned to do renovations or something on my house due to a concern of faulty plumbing. I'd mentioned to Dr. Daman about the less-than-stellar heating system when I wanted to take a bath or do dishes, but I didn't expect anyone to actually do anything about it. But a night without weird tapping on my door sounded nice, and even though I replied to the email basically saying “oh no, you really don't have to, I can live with it”, Todd insisted. I could just see his smug smile on the other side of the screen. He'll subtly hold it over my head for later, but the rule of one denial for good polite measure then acceptance of an offer had been met and I was off home to pack a bag. And here I am now.

The Chronicle Inn bed and breakfast is run by an older married couple, Ester and Laura. I'd met them a few times before my stay here but I hadn't spent much time with them. This place is mostly a restaurant and homemade goods store rather than an inn, considering we don't get many outsiders who stay here any longer than to grab a bite to eat and get gas. But for times like these it's nice to have an inn available. Even if it's only a few rooms, it's much better than staying at the facilities that the enclosure has on site. Work would have likely put me into a temporary on-site lodging space if the inn wasn't available. To be honest I'm surprised they actually put me in the end instead of just tossing me into some temp lodging room for a night. Maybe they remembered how much I hate that place. It's nearly impossible to sleep with the buzzing lights and the beds really aren't made for comfort and the bathrooms are all so claustrophobic. I swear, they make that place as uncomfortable as possible so people want to leave. That, or they just skimped on the prices for a comfortable setup to focus the money elsewhere at the Enclosure. I'd believe that. Though maybe they booked me at this place to have me investigate something while I'm here. Can't even enjoy this nice little one-night getaway, huh? They expect me to work? Do they plan to pay me for looking into things overnight? Probably not, not like they ever pay me for the full work I do anyways.

The room I’m in is kinda known for weird happenings. The whole town knows but there's not a huge fuss over it. No one's died from it, so why be too concerned? Ester warned me about these weird happenings while I was checking in. There's word of a spirit that haunts the upper floor of the building. Been here for as long as anyone can recall. She explained it all to me with a smile and a jovial tone, so she doesn't seem concerned. After the literal run-in with the deer a few weeks ago, I really just wanted some rest. Her wife Laura told me that they serve breakfast at 7 am but they'll be at the desk to take my key as early as 6. Thankfully tomorrow my shift starts at 8 instead of the usual 6 so I might be able to actually get some real food in me before work.

Didn't take me too long to get up here and settled in. I decided to just relax today instead of going out into town. So I did some reading in bed. Not that I could really focus much, the bed here is nice and cozy, but there's definitely a vibe about it. The room, not the bed. The rest of the inn is very homey, lived in, but in a good way. But the second I got to the top of the stairs it was like the air got barely but still noticeably cooler. When I came into the room I saw a little baggie of homemade beef jerky that Ester made and gave me. She's known around town for her jerkies and her woodwork. She's always so hands-on with everything she makes, whether it's snacks or a new set of chairs. She may have actually made the chair I'm sitting in right now, actually. I sat outside for a bit. There's a nice balcony that looks over some gardens and in the far distance I can see the vast fields. The evening felt so nice and I could see the little lightning bugs flying around as I got darker. I've always liked watching their dances. I often watch kids running around catching them in jars and then letting them all go just minutes later, but I prefer to watch them do their own thing out in nature. I watched the stars and the flicking lights of the lightning bugs for a bit, sipped on some sweet tea that Laura had brewed and offered me, ate some of the jerky that Ester made, and relaxed. I let my mind wander to wherever it went off to which as usual was all over the place. But no tapping on the doors, no weird deer staring at me, it was nice. But I keep feeling like something, or someone, is watching me. I feel that pretty often but this is different. It feels closer, if that makes sense. Like right now I'm sitting in a plush chair by the window in the room looking over the nice herb garden out back. The stars are still twinkling, the wind is just slightly blowing, and I've been able to crack the window open for some breeze. But I feel like something is watching me from the doorway. I swear to gods if I turn around and someone is standing there... (deep inhale) nope, nothing.

When Ester was telling me about what I could possibly expect, she said that a spirit had been wandering around in the room I'm staying in. Sometimes the spirit watches people. Sometimes the spirit just walks around and ignores the tenants. Must depend on her mood. But apparently something about the blue lamp by the bedside table really draws her out. Considering my line of work, and that my boss sent me here, I'm obviously going to turn on the light. Even if she's not rumored to be particularly dangerous, if they're just wanting to keep me busy then I could see Todd throwing me here to look into it a bit more. Okay. Hold on, give me a sec, let me see what happens. [lamp clicks on] It's a pretty light. I don't think I've seen a light this shade of blue outside of some of the lights they put up around town in the winter. It's nice. Oh, uh... hello? I don't know if she can hear me but I do see someone standing by the door, on the other side of the room, and um, [sniffs] tobacco?

THE BLUE LADY

I can hear you just fine.

JARED

[startled] Ah! Sorry about that. how are you?

THE BLUE LADY

Why do you ask?

JARED

Manners, I guess? Should I ask- who are you?

THE BLUE LADY

I don't think it really matters now. Besides, it's better I ask who you are.

JARED

Oh, uh, Dr. Jared Hel. I'm a scientist with the Enclosure on the edge of town. I…

THE BLUE LADY

WHO you are, not what you are. I know what you are.

JARED

...What I am is a person who would like to get some rest.

THE BLUE LADY

No, what you are is different. At least different from what I remember.

JARED

From what you remember? Have we met before?

THE BLUE LADY

Not exactly. “Met” isn't the word I would use. But we've interacted.

JARED

How so..?

THE BLUE LADY

I've watched you from afar, I've seen what you do. I guess our paths have more indirectly crossed.

JARED

I've never studied you before. You're not exactly the kind of thing that the enclosure typically sends me to study.

THE BLUE LADY

Then why are you here?

JARED

Well, work decided to fix the plumbing in my house so they put me up here. To get some rest.

THE BLUE LADY

And yet you're not here to study me?

JARED

Well that's actually unclear, I guess. I mean, if they're going to book me in the most haunted room at an inn, I guess they're having me investigate. Or Todd's just messing with me. That seems like something he'd pull.

THE BLUE LADY

Messing with you? [scoffs] When did you start putting up with the antics of people like that?

JARED

Okay, I'm gonna be upfront- if we met more than two years ago I have zero memory of any of that time. So this vague, cryptic talk is going to get you nowhere.

THE BLUE LADY

What are you doing with that thing?

JARED

[rustling sound] This it's an audio journal. It takes less focus and energy than writing. Are you just gonna keep staring at me or..?

THE BLUE LADY

People don't usually understand me this well for full conversations, so it has been quite a while. It isn't as if Ester and Laura can clearly understand me, even if they have tried.

JARED

How long have you been here?

THE BLUE LADY

Longer than I can remember. The rumor is that I've been here since the establishment of this town, whenever that may have been.

JARED

And when did we meet? I mean interact indirectly.

THE BLUE LADY

For the first time? It was many, many years ago. But again, you've certainly changed.

JARED

But again, I don't remember. You keep saying that and, [winces in pain] oh god my head!

THE BLUE LADY

We won't be getting very far right now.

JARED

No wait wait wait no hold on hold on.... and she's gone. [slams fist on table] Damn it! Why won't anyone just tell me anything outright? Oh my head... it's always like this. They disappear for a while and then come back so suddenly. Oh I hate this flesh prison! I'm done recording for now I need to try and nurse this headache now and recover from whatever the hell… oh it seems she left a little gift. Some blue ribbon? It's maybe four or five inches long, a little frayed at the ends. It's the same color as the lamp. There's something written on it. The handwriting's a bit hard to read but it looks like “you need to remember”. Remember what? How am I supposed to remember if no one ever tells me anything? Everyone always pushes me to try and remember but there's nothing to remember if they're making me grasp at thin air! They say they support me, they say they want to help, but what do they do to help, huh? All of this performative support is getting me nowhere. [facing away from recorder] And how is this ribbon supposed to help? You couldn't have given me something a little less vague? [groans] Why is everyone always so damn vague? Are they scared to just say something concrete? Why can't anyone ever give me a straight answer! No, it's fine. It's fine. I'm just… I'm going to go to bed. Right. I'm going to get some sleep. No tapping, no knocking, just sleep. I'm gonna go turn off the lamp and get some rest. Right. Ugh. Whatever. This is Dr. Jared Hel, signing off, I guess.

OUTRO

Jar of Rebuke is written and produced by Casper Oliver, who is also the voice of Dr. Jared Hel. Voice of The Blue Lady provided by Misha Bakshi. The intro is read by Vanessa Rosengrant, and credits are read by Ashley Craft, who has created the podcast official graphics. Music was created by Luke Menniss, spelled m-e-n-n-i-s-s, who you can find and support on Bandcamp, Spotify and Twitch. Find us on Twitter, Instagram and anywhere else you get your podcast fix for more Jar of Rebuke and also to get updates on upcoming official merch for our show. Support projects by this crew on Patreon to further other queer-lead projects and get neat perks. All donations are appreciated and will grant further clearance to special Jar of Rebuke content. You can also make one-time donations on Ko-fi. And special thanks to our patreon supporters Becky Thompson, Perry Bruns, and Tristan Fraud.

#jar of rebuke #jar of rebuke podcast #jar of rebuke transcripts #jor podcast

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growup-gloup · 4 years

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I really hate myself. I hate my body and my personality. How do I start loving myself and forgiving myself for past mistakes?

Hello darling,

I am so sorry that you feel that way.

The answer exists in your question. You said “past” mistakes, meaning that that have already happened. Since you cannot go back and fix them, you have to accept that they happened, and then learn from it so you don’t make the same mistakes in the future. You are not the same person you were then. You are not the same people you were yesterday. And you will not be the same person tomorrow as you are today.

And because of that, all you have to do is take it one day at a time. Instead of being overwhelmed by all the things that are going wrong, or all the things that you need to do to be better, think about what you could do TODAY.

Furthermore, you are a multifaceted person consisting of many qualities. When you look at a flower, do you think to yourself that you have to like each and every petal and leaf? No, you like the flower as a whole, even if one petal is droopy and one leaf was half eaten by a caterpillar. It’s not possible to love every single thing about yourself. Your aim should be self-acceptance, not self-love.

Because you are a real person, there will always be flaws, and that is okay. You do not have to love your flaws. In fact, you shouldn’t because that is what prevents us from self-improvement over time. And each and every one of us has something to improve every single day. Accept your flaws. Accept that some of them can be developed into strengths, and that some of them cannot. And that is fine too. Some of us will get plastic surgery to overcome our physical flaws, others will look at it and think, “it is what it is”, and move on.

Because the thing is, when you’re focused on the good, and how you can improve it, then you’ll find that the flaws reduce over time. They’ll never be gone, but they won’t be in the center of your mind, which distracted you from reaching your full potential. You should also remember that you can enjoy doing something, and still be bad at it, and that’s okay. I love to sing but my voice is so off-key and I’m fine with that. I’m not singing to win The Voice. I’m singing to feel some happiness in this particular moment of time.

Here are some things that may help you learn to accept yourself over time:

Start a gratitude journal. Everyday, you write down one (or more!) thing that you’re proud of. This can be something physical, like your eyes, or something intellectual, like your drawing skills, for example. But find something. You can also expand on this idea by writing down what exactly it is that is bothering you and what about it is bothering you. The concept behind this is that, even though you obviously know what’s bothering you, as you write it all down you, your mind slows down enough to process the situation. It’s as if someone else is telling you their problems, and you are like “hmm, well what if you did this instead of that?” This is especially helpful if whatever is bothering you is something you can’t or don’t want to talk to others about. If you’re worried about someone finding it, you can just open up a word document, write it all down, and then delete it when you are done.

Take a break from social media. I don’t mean disconnect from your friends and family. But, social media is constantly bombarding us with these seemingly perfect people with seemingly perfect lives, and that really takes a toll on us. Yes, it is obvious that the persona people put on the internet is fake, but we’re still subconsciously absorbing those supposedly ideal figures and materials, and when we don’t have the same results in our body, or in our lives, that brings us down. Social media can be a great thing. I love it, but you have to be mindful of who you follow, especially when you’re not currently in the best place in terms of self-love.

Build a healthier routine. You don’t have to be a certain weight to be healthy. All you need to do is eat more greens and less red meat when you can, and try to be active for at least half an hour every day. You should be turning off your phone at least an hour before bedtime, and getting at least 7 hours of sleep nightly and drinking plenty of fluids throughout the day. Also try to work on your posture and remind yourself to sit up straight whenever you can. A straighter posture is not only good for your overall muscular health, but also exudes confidence. Not only will you look like you know what you’re doing, but you’ll also feel it too.

Expand your intellect. If you can, take a course in what interests you, even if it has nothing to do with your career plans. If you can’t you have the internet at your disposal. Read research articles on topics that interest you. Read the news. Read books before going to bed instead of scrolling through your phone. If you can’t focus on staring at words for a long period of time, listen to audio-books and podcasts, or watch documentaries. If you don’t know how to do something, look it up before asking for help, but if you do need help, do not shy away from asking. Getting help can also be a learning experience if you pay attention.

Practice self-care. Tumblr loves to preach it, and we often roll our eyes at how cliche it sounds, but it is still important. Take warm baths. Dance and sing along to your favorite songs, even if it is off-key. If you wanna paint your nails and do your hair and makeup, all the power to you. If you want to relax and spend time with your friends or pets, that’s great too. Or, you can do all of the above. The possibilities are endless!

💋

#carpe diem #mod stuff #Anonymous #AMA

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lenalikesboots · 3 years

Text

Bootleg Review n°1

So I watched this bootleg video yesterday and I must say...I’m impressed,

From what I know, this is the oldest video out there of the West End production of Love Never Dies. It’s completely pre-changes - it uses the soundtrack from the original album.

The leads are played by Ramin Karimloo (as Erik), Sierra Boggess (as Christine), Joseph Millson (as Raoul), Summer Strallen (as Meg), Liz Robertson (As Mme. Giry), Richard Linnell (as Gustav)

What really bothered me at first is that it’s missing about 25 minutes from Act 1. Everything in between Till I Hear You Sing and Mother Please I’m Scared is missing. The bootleg is otherwise complete. There is some washout in bright lights and the camera strays at times from the action, and there’s a bar that blocks some of the actors, but otherwise, this is a very a decent bootleg.

I liked seeing the scenes that they cut off in the Australian production. I thought it was interesting.

The Coney Island Walz is instrumental only, and it serves as kind of an Overture thing, in which, just like in Phantom, they take you back in time and set the whole setting of the show.

It goes all the way back to opening night of Phantasma.

In the beginning, there are people chattering about the new amusement park, wanting to go in.

After that, we get to see the whole only-for-him; only-for-you thing, which I thought was cool.

Also- Although I do think that it’s possible Meg has developed the hots for Erik,this Meg seems to just want a promotion. She’s in love with her career, not with her boss. I genuinely like that!

In Summer’s portrayal, Meg seems to be giving 110%, and wants nothing more than to be noticed and have her work appreciated. Of course it’s a blow for her when her mother told her that her boss didn’t care enough to show up. It’d be a blow for anyone, really, because it means your work is alright, but still not outstanding. What’s next, he doesn’t even know her name? Calls her Meghan, instead of Meg?

Anyways- it’s safe to say, I like Summer’s portrayal of Meg a lot!

Next we move on to Till I Hear You Sing! I absolutely loved the way Ramin sang it for this performance!

It was absolutely breathtaking!

I’ve had chills so many times listening to him sing it, like damn!

Unfortunately, the recording stops right after that and picks back up at Mother Please I’m Scared, where it’s really mostly audio and you can’t really see a thing.

I must say, I liked this Dear Old Friend! I liked how this time, Meg didn’t sound judgemental of the fact that Christine stopped singing to become a full-time wife and mother.

And I liked how instead of sounding bitter, Meg sounds rather confused when Christine said she was going to sing.

Moving on- in the middle of Dear Old Friend, Gustav runs off.

Obviously, he goes to see Erik.

And here we come to the first thing I didn[’t like about the show: Ramin’s Erik is really cold and mean towards Gustav in this performance particularly. I know that it’s only because he believes him to be Raoul’s son but come on- even if Raoul were Gustav’s father, it’s not the child’s fault! You can’t choose your own parents goddamn it!

I liked Beauty Underneath...kind of...idk,. I generally don’t like the vibe this song gives me.

I liked the whole “wow! You and I think the same!” idea, but the way they carried it out was bordering on genuinely creepy.

Next up! Erik takes his mask off and...fucks everything up. Kid runs away.

I liked Christine’s reaction to all of this. I liked how she asks Madame Giry to take him away and how she apologises to Erik for her child’s reaction.

And here we come to another of the things I didn’t like about Ramin’s portrayal of the character...Repeat after me: You do NOT strangle the woman you thought could possibly have bore your child. You. Do. NOT.

And you do not tighten your grip when she accuses you of abandoning her- especially if you DID abandon her! Dammit Ramin! Why so angry?

Good thing that he releases her- HOWEVER...

Why so angry Ramin??? Damn!!!

Then she tries to kiss him (which I must admit- was out of nowhere) and he pulls away, still looking super angry.

I get it-he feels awful that not even his own son can accept him the way he is. I get it.

BUT...why take it all out on Christine?

Poor girl already had to go through enough because of him.

Moving on: there are a few other things I didn’t like...but this time, I won’t put the blame just on Ramin.

Number one: when he uncovers his face, Christine turns away. Isn’t that kind of contradicting the whole idea behind “This haunted face holds no horror for me now”?

I understand that his face may not be the prettiest sight, and I understand that she was kinda shocked-after all she hasn’t seen it in 10,almost 11 years. Buuuut she didn’t have to full on turn away.. I thought that directing/acting choice was a little over the top.

And number two: after Christine leaves, Erik is left all alone to think about what just happens. He seems to be a really proud dad at first...but then there is one line that really threw me off, considering what happens in the next act. “If it’s true, I’ve no reason to live”

Uhm...dude?? If you’re planning to kill yourself, why the hell would you make a bet, which would be forcing your baby-mama and your kid to stay in America if you’d win it (and you already know you will) ?

And if he suddenly had a change of heart before that, why didn’t we get to see any of that happen? What motivated him? What made him change his mind?

Did Christine maybe ask him to make that bet? It wouldn’t be a surprise if she did....

And I am not saying this to hate on Raoul! I absolutely love Raoul and pity him greatly in Love Never Dies. He’s not an abusive monster. He’s sick! Not only is he suffering from an addiction, but he also seems to be suffering from depression.

He blames himself for all of Christine’s suffering- although, he had nothing to do with it. It all goes back to Erik leaving her, creating a vicious cycle. Christine then marries Raoul just so she wouldn’t be shunned for having a child out of wedlock. She’s obviously unhappy in her marriage, which ends up making Raoul unhappy, so he ends up drinking his sorrows away. In the end, he blames himself for the fact that Christine is unhappy.

This is what I got from Why Does She Love Me?

Quite obviously, she doesn’t.

He thinks she does, because she says so, but she is obviously unhappy in her marriage because she doesn’t. However, Raoul takes her sadness to mean that he is the one who is not good enough. He is the one making her unhappy. He is the one unworthy of love.

It breaks my heart that after everything he’s done for her, he ended up feeling so damn bad about himself. None of this is his fault.

Then, in walks our second unappreciated character: Meg. There are a lot of parallels in between these two. I feel like they’re both going through the same pain, although in very different ways.

When I watched LND for the first time, I thought this would be the start of a brand new love story, one that would steal the show, and inevitably, our hearts.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen.

When Meg leaves, Raoul starts talking shit about Erik, only for him to end up showing up behind the bar. Talk of the devil, they say...

Over all, I think this scene is a really funny one- probably a fun one to rehearse and perform as well.

But the whole idea behind it...Guys, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but...Christine is a human being..She’s not property...Let her make her own damn choices for once, she never ever got to do that in her life.

I hate how Erik starts objectifying Christine in Love Never Dies. He didn’t do it in the original, why start now?

Moving on to the next day:

Bathing Beauty is so damn catchy! Like damn!!

I love how Meg arrives in a hot air balloon.

I liked this randition of Summer’s Bathing Beauty. I couldn’t see much of it and I couldn’t see the bathing suits either, but the whole scene was really nice.

I felt so bad for Meg in the next scene though!

Madame Giry was waaay too harsh with her.

Next scene is Christine’s dressing room scene.

I love how conflicted and anguished Sierra portrays her to be. And I love the contrast between the way she acts around Raoul and the way she acts around Erik. Around Raoul, she’s really sweet, like a good wife should be and she is also quite affectionate.

But around Erik...

I think this picture speaks for itself...

By the way: The way she doesn’t question why Raoul asked her not to sing, and the way she gets all conflicted later, makes me think that she knows about the bet, but is starting to have second thoughts about it. Which is completely understandable. As a wife, her first priority is her marriage, which they could, possibly work out.

And as a mother, she has to put her son and what would be best for him first too. She can’t just force him to accept a new guy as his father- even if he is indeed his biological father. So all that anguish she’s feeling? Completely understandable.

You can see from her body language, even when she’s singing, that she is having second thoughts. That this is really hard for her and that she doesn’t know what to do. There is so much pressure on her, the poor girl is close to breaking down on stage, in front of thousands of people.

But then Raoul leaves...And everything in her body language changes. She becomes more confident, more content with her decision. For once, she put herself first. She realizes that she will finally get to be happy.

She, Erik and their child...

I love how happy and hopeful she looks in the next scene as well!

It’s sad that they don’t kiss in this scene, but oh well...We move...

Another thing that made me believe that Christine knew about the bet was how unbothered she seemed by the fact that Raoul left. She wasn’t shocked. She knew this was going to happen. She didn’t want it to happen like that, but it did.

And then when she realizes that Gustav is missing, she nearly gets a heart attack,

I absolutely LOVE Erik’s reaction to the whole thing! I love how worried and angry he got! See, this is one of those times I do appreciate his anger.

Moving on to the next scene:

One thing I didn’t like about it was how close Erik got to Meg when he told her “We can’t all be like Christine”.

That line is such a bad thing to say when trying to comfort someone who’s having a mental breakdown...

Meg has been working for him for ten years. She has helped him so damn much, and she doesn’t even get a thank you, or a decent. No, she only ever gets all these dumb vaudeville numbers, making her a showgirl, not a respected performer.

While Christine, who has only been in town for two days, and hasn’t been performing for a couple of years, immediately gets the aria, the nice dress and the beautiful jewelry.

And then, he has to point out how perfect she is, in front of Meg, who then, when she just wants to talk back to him, ends up accidentally pulling the trigger. And you can tell this was clearly an accident in this performance. She even runs off to get help, only to later return, probably with a doctor on the way, when Christine is already gone (maybe. nobody checked her pulse or her breathing, and the bullet didn’t hit an important artery. She might still be alive)

I loved Erik and Christine’s last kiss. It was so sweet, so passionate. I love how he kept kissing her even after she let go.

However...I didn’t like the way Ramin portrayed his reaction to her death. I understand that the feeling he was going for was numbness, but it literally ended up looking like he didn’t even care that much. For someone who’s never seen Phantom before (maybe just read the book) , who ends up watching this recording, this is the vibe you would get from it.

I love the fact that Meg came back and that she is holding Christine’s body. You can tell just how sorry she is.

I loved the whole unmasking scene. I loved how Erik slowly started opening up to Gustav, when he was finally ready to accept him. And I loved the hug in the end.

And I must say: Erik is getting better at hugging. That’s good!

All in all: I really liked this recording of the show.

If I were to grade it, I’d give it a 7,5/10.

Before I end this post, can we please appreciate just how gorgeous that dress is? Like damn!!!

Sierra looks absolutely stunning in it as well!

(When does she not look stunning though?)

#the phantom of the opera #poto #bootleg #musical theatre bootleg #musical threatre slime tutorial #slime tutorial #bootleg review #eristine #lnd #love never daaes #love never dies

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