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acromandus · 3 months

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Finally getting around to doing this! Thank you @thelifeinmyshadesofgrey for tagging me ♥♥♥♥♥ I haven't done these in ages so it was fun to feel like we were back in the 'golden era' of tumblr xD

Tag someone you want to know AND/OR some of your besties: I don't wanna pressure anyone to have to do this, so consider this a warm suggestion rather than a I-will-judge-you-if-you-don't kind of situation @heyitszev :) (and if anyone else reading this feels like it, go ahead, the more the merrier lmao)

Favourite colour: This is a tough one because it all just depends on context so much. I'd say typically I veer more towards darker tones in general: really like a nice dark green, or a dark red or crimson. Purple is lovely too :D

Last song: Two Knights and Maidens by Crash Test Dummies https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NS2EcHzdYY

Say what you want about the lyrics, but the chord progression in this song is *chefs kiss*

Last movie: 9. A bit of a strange one perhaps, but an interesting take on a post-apocalyptic world brought to life in a style that reminds me of Tim Burton a little bit. Basically, the world has been destroyed in a war between humans and machines, and we're introduced to a group of sentient dolls, each with a number on their backs from 1 to 9, who have had to survive in this strange new world while figuring out why they were made in the first place. I don't wanna spoil this for anyone who hasn't seen it, so I'll leave it at that :)

Currently watching: I'm in-between series atm haha. Waiting for season 4 of the Boys, and just finished watching season 2 of 30 Coins. Might just do a rewatch of Andor or the Punisher to fill this void.

Other stuff I watched this year: Err… from what I remember (and yes, since we're only in January, I'm counting 2023 into this as well) I'd say Moon Knight, Andor, 30 coins, a rewatch of Supernatural (up to season 12), and the One Piece live action series. Out of all these Andor was perhaps my favourite, but I enjoyed all of them, and was pleasantly surprised at how well the One Piece adaptation remained loyal to the original works :D they obviously had to adjust some things but it still felt true to form. With Andor, I was hesitant to watch it at first because the last SW series I had watched had been declining in quality (weird writing, etc), however… Andor completely blew me away. The way it builds up to the climax was just so well done, the writing is superb, music fantastic, and it's one of those series I wish I could forget about completely so I could experience it for the first time again.

Shows I dropped this year/didn’t finish: I haven't watched many series I've not finished since I usually watch them to the end anyway, but looks like that new Percy Jackson series may unfortunately fall into this category?

Currently reading: I've been powering through the Harry Potter books. Started during the Christams holidays and I'm now on book 6. So far so good, though I've had to slow down with holidays being over. Might need to reread the Robert Langdon series as well after this as it's still one of my personal favourites.

Currently listening to: This changes daily but I do find myself drifting back to Riot music very often. So, that's music made for League of Legends, Valorant, etc. Not the soundtracks, but songs like Worlds anthems like "GODS" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3GouGa0noM) and 2021's "Burn It All Down" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Z6CHioIn3s). I also absolutely love "Breathe" from the official launch video for Legends of Runeterra (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNhKAJwlj04). I also like this vid for it heavily featuring Darius, the only champ I ever played when I attempted to get into LoL before the toxicity got to me and I decided it's not for me :3 (didn't take long, but left me with a bit of a soft spot for him lmao)

I absolutely do not play any of these games but man… the music is on point imo. Something again about chord progression, don't ask what my obsession with that is lmao.

If I'm not listening to these and songs like them, I'm listening to heavy metal (industrial or symphonic), movie or game soundtacks, or oldies belonging to various genres from the 70s and 80s, occasionally 90s as well. Here's a couple examples:

Once You've Tasted Love by Take That

Take the Long Way Home by Supertramp

Evil Woman by Electric Light Orchestra

Misplaced by Sonata Arctica

And I will leave it at that as I've already included too many songs lmao

Currently working on: I'm currently making a backend for a gym app I'm working on. I somehow got the GraphQL elements working, now I need to get it saving to a database of somekind. I could do this locally or learn to save data to the cloud but I haven't yet decided which approach to take lmao. Overall, I'm just upskilling in the hopes of eventually landing a job as a full-stack developer. NO LUCK SO FAR aside a couple freelance frontend opportunities :/

Current obsession: Hmm….. good question. I'd say, despite me not playing it as much as I used to, I am slowly getting back to Elder Scrolls Online? Fire Emblem Fates is another, as well as Bleach.

#personal #i can't help that my tastes are very eclectic #i like so many things it might even be easier to point out things I don't like #but where's the fun in that :)

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moveslikeanape · 3 months

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hercules does have amazing lyrics, you're right! it's another one of my favorite disney movies and that's definitely one reason why. one last hope has so many clever lines! another disney song lyric that i've always really liked, from hunchback of notre dame, is in bells of notre dame: "they gazed up in fear and alarm, at a figure whose clutches were iron as much as the bells". and in the reprise: "whatever their pitch, you can feel them bewitch you, the rich and the ritual knells of the bells of notre dame". they're just such satisfying rhymes, and i feel like most of the songs in that movie have really nice lyrics.

i agree with you about the quality of disney lately. i actually enjoyed encanto, but many of their other recent movies have been disappointing to me in one way or another, and it's especially frustrating that they couldn't do better with wish. people have been creating fan works based on the concept art that i think are so much better than the final film was. i also agree about mulan! i love that movie so much, and the music in it too--i especially love the extra lyrics to reflection, that unfortunately ended up getting cut to save time. but i agree that true to your heart should've been kept in the credits instead of in the movie itself.

i think that makes sense about phil collins! wish's songs sound a bit too much like what you'd hear on the radio now, to the point that whenever i hear the song "knowing what i know now" i just get this nagging feeling that i've basically heard the same song multiple times before. and, as i mentioned in a previous message, the song "at all costs" sounds incredibly out of place in the movie. i won't explain the context of that song just in case i'd be spoiling it, but i'll say that the lyrics make it sound like a romantic duet and it very much isn't. i was baffled when i found out what it was actually about. tarzan's songs, on the other hand, are perfectly crafted for the movie and for the feelings they're meant to convey.

this also reminds me that elton john had never written broadway-style music before working on the lion king, but it's mentioned in disney's art of animation that one reason he wanted to join the project was that he loved disney's romantic duets and wanted to write one! and from everything else i've read, it seems like he loved disney music in general and really wanted to be able to capture the same magic that the movies that came before TLK had. it also must've helped a lot that he was working alongside tim rice, who did have an established career in musical theatre.

i'd definitely recommend reading the art of animation book! i still haven't finished it as life got a bit hectic for me this past week, which is also why it took me a few days to send this. but this edition has a huge section dedicated to the making of hercules, which was actually the main reason i picked it up: when i read the actual art book for hercules, i felt that it had a lot of beautiful artwork but wasn't as detailed about the production as it could've been. so far, this book seems to have a lot more of the detail that i wanted.

maybe i'll give tarzan 2 and the tv series a watch at some point! it's interesting that the tv series had episodes based on the novels. although it's too bad the characters weren't very well written in it, especially jane. i've had a similar experience where a movie i loved got a tv series based on it, and although i enjoyed certain things about the series, the characters felt really off and i ended up having mixed feelings about it as a whole. it's always disappointing when things like that happen.

it's also really cool that one of tarzan 2's songs was reworked for the broadway show! that reminds me of how the same thing sort of happened in reverse with the lion king 2: the song "he lives in you" was first used in the broadway show, and then later included in the lion king 2.

(also, sorry if this appears in your ask box multiple times. i'm having a strange sort of issue while trying to send it and i'm not sure if it's my internet or the site itself causing it.) -🌟

OMG, I live for the Hunchback soundtrack!!! If I was forced to choose, I'd say Hunchback is my fav Disney movie after Tarzan. The songs and score are so gorgeous. And that line you chose, "whose clutches were iron", is a perfect example of brilliant lyrics. It defines Frollo's character perfectly and sticks to the subject of the song. And then there's Topsy Turvy… every line of that song is pure gold!

From what I've heard of the movie, and what I've heard about/seen of the concept art this is probably the first time where it's a disappointment seeing the concept art… getting to see what could have been and knowing we got so much less. They need to stop running the studio like a business and go back to Walt's ideals. "Quality will out". Let the artists to what they're best at, let them make the movie properly. They're going so far downhill they're almost at the point where they can't rely on people just buying it because it's Disney anymore.

I know that they need to "keep up" with modern tastes and style, but the songs should feel fresh. If they feel like you've heard them before, it should be because they feel like Disney songs, especially for something meant to celebrate Disney. And I don't think I've ever heard a Disney song that was as far off as you say "at all costs" is. If a song is done properly, you should know exactly what's going on without having context. Otherwise, the songs meaning is not getting through, a definite sign of poor writing.

That's a good point about Elton John and Tim Rice. Tim knew what he was doing, and Elton wanted to do that very thing. Obviously they needed to bring some of themselves into it, that's why they got hired in the first place, but it still needs to serve the movie. Kind of like the animators themselves… you have many people working on many characters, but they all have to feel like they fit in the world of the movie. The artists bring some of their own style, as you can see in concept art, but at the end of the day they have to serve the film and make it feel whole, not just a bunch of stuff thrown together. (I also love the trivia about Can You Feel the Love Tonight, that they wanted it to be completely sung by Timon and Pumbaa until Elton put his foot down. He'd written it in the tradition of the great Disney love songs, and didn't want a "big, stinky warthog" ruining it, lol)

Ya, that's one thing that's kind of disappointing about the "art of" books, they're more artwork and little notes than an actual in-depth making of… true there's only so much room and a true making of book would be huge, but still. Hope things slow down for you soon!!

I'm sorry that happened with the movie you mentioned, it's so disappointing when that happens… I get lower quality because of a smaller budget, but the characters should at least feel the same.

Tarzan 2 and the series are definitely worth at least one watch, if for nothing else than the new adventures. Tarzan 2 is seriously cute though. And although it's different actors playing Tarzan, Terk, and Tantor, Glenn Close and Lance Henriksen came back to voice Kala and Kerchak!

You're right about He Lives in You! Love how the broadway productions inspired by a movie can turn around and inspire the movie series.

(Ugh, that had to be frustrating! I only got the message once though. Hope it was just a one off problem!)

#strangers like me

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easierreadthandone4711 · 5 months

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Days Off

"...but all I ever took away from therapy was a somewhat clearer understanding of how messed up I was." - John Moe, The Hilarious World of Depression

I had expectations for my days off. The work week didn't end badly, even though a co worker of mine left a nasty taste in my mouth after speaking poorly about my work ethic to another co worker. The work load was easy and I was able to get a lot of reading done.

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls has me triggered and infuriated. I won't spoil books here but when I say the parents have me feeling some type of way...smh. Its been a great read though and I can safely say my oldest is also my literary twin.

I haven't mentioned her yet but I made a new friend here in Nantucket, she works with me currently and has been such a godsend for me. I'm not even sure she realizes how vital her taking me under her wing has been. For my first day off I woke up early with an optimistic attitude and ready to get things done. The front desk was finally having someone come fix the heater after days of freezing at night - while he was fixing I planned to go to the store to grab laundry necessities and food for the upcoming week. I would return and go to the gym, update my blog and get some studying done.

Ten AM came and went with no maintenance man in sight so I called the front desk and asked them if I needed to be here while he fixed it, they said no. I was only slightly annoyed that I was beginning my day later than I had planned but, shxt happens and I still had the whole day ahead of me so no big deal - nothing is fucked.

The prices out here are crazy and every grab off the shelves made me sick thinking about the total cost going up. Shockingly, the laundry items were cheaper than I expected and I was grateful for it. Typically, I don't purchase items like that at grocery stores, as the cost is much higher.

When I returned, the heater was fixed and I filled up my mini fridge. Things were moving swimmingly until I realized I did not have a working battery for one of my devices. I managed to find a store with a cheap one thankfully - but there those dollar signs were again. I do want to clarify that I am not in a pinching pennies situation, however, as a government employee, the shutdown would effect my paycheck and to make sure all will continue being taken care of, I've been extra cautious about spending.

Unfortunately, all of this pushed into what would have been my gym time and I moved onto the next items on the list that I needed to take care of. I cracked open a black berry cider, made some turkey sliders and popped open my work laptop to finish enrolling myself and my kiddos onto my insurance.

There it was, an email stating I owe a very unexpected amount to the travel card issued by work. I gathered all of the statement/payment records and the notebook where I keep track of all my purchases and payments.

**Side note - there's a store in Boston called Muji and it was like stationary heaven to me. Other writers get it. Pens, planners, and these notebooks that hit like butter to my brain and I just cannot get enough. I have about a dozen of their notebooks, I would have more but I gifted my children and a couple friends with one their own. Giving the gift of a space for their thoughts <3 Just to reiterate, Muji, in Boston, chefs kiss.

**continuing..

I realized that when I made the discovery of these notebooks, I transferred over my bills/finances from old spiral notebook of lesser quality. Best decision ever, or so I thought. Normally I make sure to copy all the past entries so that I have no need to refer back to the old books but for whatever reason I did not do that this time. I was shxt out of luck and I was not going to be able to cross check my records with theirs. Its fine, I assured myself, just another change in plans today, I am going to audit the bit myself from day one, starting from May 24th. The new notebook begins in August so I figured, easy peezy. All is well, nothing is fxcked and I'll figure it out.

I finished out May and June expenses and prepared myself to compare mine to theirs - except, when I went to do so, I see that the earliest payment was in early July and I paid a couple hundred short of the actual amount I should have paid. There it was, the beginning of my spiral.

What did I do? How did I miss that many expenses when I reviewed them in June? How could I be that stupid? This is basic fxcking math - you fuxcking idiot. There you going being the cause of your bullshxt again. What were you thinking?! I can only imagine what the rest of the months look like. You probably owe the whole amount and more you fxcking idiot. How do you expect to make the next move for the kids if you can't even get your fxcking math right?! Math they could do. You call yourself a mother. You're just one fxck up after the other. It sickening the way they deserve better and they ended up with you.

Writing this out is troublesome because I sound really mean to myself. Sounds like a lot but in that moment, the glimmer of light I had began the day with was gone and I was once again the worthless waste of space again that can't do anything right.

I made a payment towards the card, closed my laptop, shut the lights off and turned on a random movie on Netflix. I sank into my bed telling myself it was okay and I'd be able to figure this out, Afterall, I've been through much worse than this, right? The gentle voice that I'd been working on was backed into a corner, the winds from the spiral holding her down. Numbers and images of the kids swirling around, slapping her around and making sure she stayed down, quiet. No, you don't get to talk yourself up for this one, stupid. So fxcking undeserving. You have one job and you're failing.

The movie came and went, unamused, I clicked play for the next distraction to begin. Didn't make it to the gym, didn't read, didn't blog... more than half my day gone, wasted. It brought me even lower. A few silent tears made their way to my pillow case, in those moments I focused even harder on the movies. This shapeless, colorless, invisible feeling was pulling me down deeper and deeper.

A knock at the door came, it was my new friend. She said she wanted to check on me before going to her room. I hadn't mentioned to her how I was feeling but in that moment, it didn't matter how she knew, I was being pulled back up for air and I wasn't going to fight it. I explained a little bit about the email and my discovery. She said, "you hungry?" I said yes and she gave me 30 minutes to get ready.

Dinner was nice, we spoke about football and the food in front of us. We remained present in that moment and that allowed my gentler self to get up and say it once more, it's going to be okay.

Depression doesn't work that way though, does it? As the book calls us "saddies", y'all get it, the saddies get it.

I played trivia with my babies until I couldn't see my phone screen straight anymore and then I fell asleep, hard. I'm not sure what startled me up this morning but I knew it was going to be a day of convincing myself to get out of bed. Don't worry, I made it out - lucky for me, feeling my body fat rolling around in bed is enough to disgust myself and I got up to prep for the gym. But first, my coffee.

While sipping on my coffee and scrolling through the social scene, I ran into memory lane. A video of my oldest saying good bye to her little brother, it was the first day of kinder. From behind the camera, I ask her if she's going to miss her brother - its quick and easy to miss, but I spotted it just then. A breath in, glossy eyed and a clenched jaw you can barely see because her cheeks are so round, a breath out, she nods and says "yeah". Her little brother looks to her with puckered fish lips for a kiss and they say good bye. The video ends there but the memory continues to play out...hand in hand, we begin walking towards her classroom. I ask her if she's ready, her expression scrunches into her serious face and her hand goes a little tighter. "Yes." she says it with conviction. I ask her if she's nervous, the scrunch gets tighter, so does her little hand. "No." I said okay, and gave promises of a fun day. I knew she was nervous, I could see the battle being fought in her eyes. She fought hard to keep that courage on her face and I wasn't going to let her know that I knew it was all a facade. I would never let her know that she didn't really succeed in hiding her fears, she needed to know she won that battle so that she would feel ready to take on what was up ahead. I held my own tears back that day because I needed her to know that I knew she had everything she needed to win that day. My tears would singlehandedly ensure that we would both lose the inner battles.

There was no gym today. I gave myself some grace and rested from the battle I have been fighting for so long. The wars that go for years hit different you know? My babies are strong for me, and I have to be too, for them. So this entry is serving as evidence I did SOMETHING today, even if it was more for healing purposes than productivity.

#books #massachusetts #nantucket #bookworm #reading #depression #mentalhealth #book club

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mugglethings · 2 years

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3 of my biggest book regrets :

1) not reading Lemony Snicket's a series of unfortunate events in order. There's probably still 1 or 2 books I haven't read in the series and therefore all my memories of this masterpiece are disoriented.

2) Getting a reading slump while reading House of Hades 😭 Still haven't finished it.

3) Not reading the last book in the Power of Five series. After the 4th book, I got spoiled for the ending which led to a rabbit hole of me just reading the ending online and the entire series has such an intense story that it's impossible for me to just read the last book now. I'll have to start from the beginning but I 100% know I'll remember the plot twists the second I read the first page.

#regret #bookworm #bookaddict #a series of unfortunate events #percy jackon and the olympians #power of five #house of hades #im cryin #reading #reading slump

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xpastelberriesx · 2 years

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What books will you recommend others to read? I need something to read (not related to fan fiction). Thank you!

Oh gosh, books, I love books! I could make a very long recommendations list, but I'm trying to keep it short.

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera: I finished reading this recently so the experience is still fresh. In this world, you get a call at midnight the day you die. Once you get the call, there's nothing you can do, you will die the next day, but you have the opportunity to live your last day to the fullest. We follow two guys who meet on their 'death day' and the whole story is heartbreaking and sweet at the same time.

Circe by Madeline Miller: If you like Greek mythology, this is a must-read. It follows Circe who is a truly interesting character, but unfortunately, she's often just a side character in other people's stories. Not in this one though!

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak: My all-time favorite book when it comes to stories about the second world war. It follows a young girl while she tries to survive in a cruel world. The novel is narrated by death which is such a unique concept, and it's so beautifully written that I can't recommend it enough.

Red Rising Trilogy by Pierce Brown: This is a trilogy I'm dying to see turned into a TV show one day. The concept is so interesting, the twists and turns are insane, and the characters are amazing. I'm not really into sci-fi, but this story hooked me so easily.

Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon: The books are long as heck and there are so many of them, I admit I haven't yet read the series fully, only the first 3 books, but they are so good! It has romance, time travel, adventure, interesting characters... so everything that you'd want from a book. I only don't like one aspect of the story, something that happens at the end of the first book, but I don't want to spoil anything, and maybe it's just me.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë: I will never not recommend this classic. It's really a hit or miss, you either love it or hate it, there's no in-between. The whole story is a bit hard to understand, the writing is beautiful and poetic, but everything about it is so uncanny and dark. I personally consider it one of the best books of all time.

I have soooo many more recommendations, but I don't want to make this post too long. I tried to include books with different genres, but if you have a preferred genre or theme, let me know and I can recommend some more specifically!

#ask #pastelberries #personal #book recommendations

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cryptidjeepers · 11 months

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I've read 6 hercule poirot books so far and here's my initial list of faves:

Reviews for Death on the Nile, The Murder of Roger Ackroyd, Hercule Poirot's Christmas, Murder on the Orient Express, the A.B.C Murders, Hallowe'en Party under the cut!

1. Death on the Nile. 5/5. I just really loved this one. The drama and mystery and the classic Christie plot twist all while taking place on a boat cruise (one of my worst fears). Out of the two "travel" books I read, this was my fave because of how it Egypt as a setting. This book felt like such a labour of love and I could tell Christie loved writing it. Do not watch the movie for the love of god.

2. The Murder of Roger Ackroyd. 4.5/5. I probably would've given it full stars but I was so rudely spoiled so early in the book I never got a chance to be shocked and awed by the plot twist. But man, the final confrontation was so dramatic and abrupt, and the final line made me laugh. Masterclass in hiding the truth in plain sight.

3. Hercule Poirot's Christmas. 5/5. My ratings seem a bit skewed because I haven't reread any of these so I'm still on the fence about my favourites. I just finished listening to the audiobook of this one and I really really enjoyed it. I found it the easiest mystery to keep track off and still was shocked by it's ending. One of my favourite aspects of Christie's books is the characters getting happy endings despite the circumstances, and the theme of forgiveness. This book definitely felt appropriate for the holiday season and did bring me a bit of holiday cheer in the summer heat.

4. Murder on the Orient Express. 4/5. A classic. This was the first one I read and unfortunately did know the ending as I watched the movie a few years ago. Similar to Death on the Nile, I really loved how real these characters felt. The complex relationships between everyone and even Poirot's willingness to forgive harmless crimes for the sake of love and happiness made this book feel so different from other detective stories. It definitely got me hooked immediately. Rewatching the movie was an immense disappointment.

The A.B.C Murders. 4/5. I listened to this one on audiobook during a roadtrip so I definitely feel like a reread is necessary. I was a bit confused due to the cultural and time period differences that I just didn't understand. But as a serial killer story with a solid bait and switch, unreliable narrator, and a real feeling of urgency, I really enjoyed it. The other books mainly deal with rich people getting got because of their money or whatever, so this was a fresh take.

Halloween Party. 2/5. Uh. I didn't like it. The weird "ritual" ending didn't feel deserved at all and it ultimately did not feel very halloweeny. Also wtf is up with british people and setting raisins on fire!?

#agatha christie #hercule poirot #what should I read next!!!#i cant get anymore audiobooks cus there were only a handfull uploaded to the library app #idk why this post has replies off idk how to turn them on

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catlady-ily · 2 years

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dear diary;

it was sunny again today which was nice!! still a bit cold, but i actually found myself getting a bit warm on my way home!!

i felt kinda pretty today??? idk - but my bf's been slowly warming up to me a bit i think, becoming a little bit more affectionate (or just reciprocating affection more) and it's the absolute sweetest thing. i love her so much.

i've been doing a bit better in school lately!! i've been getting more classwork done than usual, studying harder - i actually completed my science revision notes, formatted them into little boxes, printed them and cut them out so that i can have little flashcards for revision tomorrow morning!! hopefully it works out well.

i havent had *too* much reading time lately, but i'm still loving the fault in our stars. can't wait to finish it and post the review. got a spoiler today tho by one of my friends! i cannot believe it- wasn't exactly mad, but jeez, ya can't just spoil a book like that!!

my spotlight package came today, which i'm sure you've already seen me posting about. i'm really excited to start some new projects, and i rlly like the colours i got!!! >w<

dinner was a bit scary tbh, due to me being already a bit anxious, then some other factors (such as having to sit at the dinner table, portions that looked overwhelming to me) than made me absolutely terrified and overwhelmed, but luckily there was a distraction and i managed to get away with not eating tonight. i hate having to go to bed hungry and i hate that it happens almost every night, but i'm going to try my best to fix my eating.

it appears that me entering my girlboss era is a progressive improvement and can unfortunately not happen overnight - studying is unfortunately still hard, eating is still overwhelming and scary, i don't leave enough time for myself to read and crochet and do other things i love, and i haven't really got much else in place. but, i'll get there, i know i will. because im going to try my best.

well, studying kept me up a bit and i still want to be able to read before i sleep, so i'll leave it at that

love, kitty 💕

#diary entry #personal diary #dear diary #imtryingmybest #im trying to romanticise my life idk whether or not it’s going well #girlboss

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writer-dreams · 4 years

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Colors (Draco Malfoy X Reader)

I'll be honest, I've had this one fully written since last week. I've just been very nervous to post it because the ending is so bad 😅. I haven't been sure how to fix it and I've re-written it several times. This fic is definitely rushed but hey, it's a one-shot (and I wanted to try writing something short and sweet for once). This is still part of the Cliche Month Challenge by @wreckofawriter (sorry this was so late). I've finally gained enough courage to post it and I hope you enjoy this messy fic.

Prompt: An AU where you can only see the shades of your soulmate's eyes until you first touch.

House: You choose

Blood Status: You choose

Warnings: Possible swearing

Note: Again, very messy. Not sure I like this one too much. The reader in this story is female / uses female pronouns.

Word Count: 1,694 words

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3rd Person POV

Y/n opened her eyes to see the world was still the same shade of steel grey. She longed to know what the world truly looked like, to see actual colors other than this grey. When she was younger, she was ecstatic to learn that someone out there was destined to be with her. She used to fantasize about meeting her soulmate, seeing in color and her falling in love. She imagined what her soulmate would look like, what their personality was like, their likes and dislikes.

Now, as she grew older, she began to develop fears. What if they didn't like her? Even if the universe had put them together, there was still a chance they could reject her. What if she didn't like them? She never considered herself to be a picky person, especially when it came to love, but that didn't mean that they couldn't have a horrible personality. All of her friends have already met with their soulmates, and it did seem like they matched each other perfectly. They always talked about how beautiful the world was and how they couldn't wait until she could see the colors too.

She snapped out of her thoughts. Taking a deep breath, she walked off to the courtyard, hoping a good book could distract her from the whole soulmate situation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n wasn't sure how much time had passed when she finally finished her book. A few hours, at least. She looked around the courtyard, seeing that she was the only one there. She sighed, deciding to go back inside. Y/n looked at the sky, dreaming about the day she could finally see the blue sky her friends talked about. She wondered how beautiful the night sky looked when it was in full color, how pretty a sunset could be. Yet, all she could see was grey. She was almost at the point where she would begin to resent the color. Still, she remained patient, still trying to hold on to the small shred of hope that she would someday meet the one.

On her way in, she bumped into someone rather harshly. The two fell back, Y/n closing her eyes and rubbing her head gently from where it hit the ground. When she opened her eyes, her mind was blown as suddenly, she could see the world in color. Amazed, Y/n slowly took in her surroundings, admiring the green grass and the blue sky. She looked at the bark of the trees, the castle, the white fluffy clouds. Her eyes began to fill with tears as she slowly let it all sink in. She could see, she could finally see! It was all so much more beautiful than she could have ever imagined.

The boy in front of her got up with a groan. In her dazed state, Y/n had almost forgotten about him. She looked back at him to see platinum blonde hair and grey eyes looking back at her. Her face immediately became shocked as she recognized that familiar face, those eyebrows, those thin lips, those sharp cheekbones. Draco Malfoy.

Said boy looked back at her with the same shocked eyes. He glanced quickly around him, an astonished expression on his face. His grey eyes landed back on her, almost in disbelief.

"You're my—" They both whispered.

Y/n couldn't do this. Even when he didn't know they were soulmates, Draco Malfoy was a bigoted twat. How could the universe possibly pair her up with him? Y/n shook her head, before she got up and quickly retreated to her dormitory. She could hear Draco calling after her but she ignored him and simply kept running.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When she arrived, most of her friends were already there, talking amongst each other on their beds. At the sound of the door opening, they all turned their heads and greeted her. Y/n still couldn't believe that she could see in color because of Draco Malfoy. Now, she could see the color or her friend's hairs and their eyes. She turned to a mirror and examined her reflection, playing with her (h/c) hair. She could see that she had (e/c) eyes, which was so surprising, considering that she had only seen a grey version of herself for years.

"Hey, Y/n! I just want you to know that you're beautiful and you better not be saying bad things about yourself to that mirror!" (F/n) said.

"I'm not....I just...."

"You'll find your soulmate eventually, Y/n. Then you can finally see how pretty you are." Another friend reassured.

Y/n smiled back at her, not sure if she should tell her friends that she met them and that it was the worst possible matchup ever. She decided against it, telling herself that the universe had made a mistake. There was no way that Malfoy was her soulmate, she refused to believe it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost a week had passed after that incident and Y/n was still avoiding Draco. She could see him trying to reach out to her but she would quickly lose him in the crowded hallways. Everyday, every hour, she was playing a game of avoidance cat and mouse. She had gotten pretty good at it too, swiftly navigating her way through all the students.

Today was just another one of those days. There she was again, quickly walking through the crowds, afraid that she would see Malfoy and have to talk to him. Luckily for her, she managed to make it to class without running into him. She settled into her seat next to her friends, who were quietly gossiping to each other.

"Malfoy's been pretty quiet lately. Hasn't been taunting Potter or anything. He's not even picking on any first years."

"Maybe Dumbledore's finally had enough of his behaviour. Or maybe his father threatened to ground him or something."

Y/n stayed silent, listening in to their conversation. Great, even if she could physically escape Malfoy, he was still there in conversation. It really seemed like the universe was insistent that it was right with this pairing.

"Could you guys stop talking about Malfoy? He's old news anyway. Who cares if he's not bullying anyone for once? Maybe he's actually become a decent person." Y/n snapped.

Her friends looked at each other. "What's gotten you so riled up? You care about him or something?"

"Nothing. I just don't wanna hear about him. Let's just focus on the class, okay?"

Her friends nodded slowly, looking at her suspiciously before they changed the topic of their conversation. Why did she defend him? Everyone, including her, knew that he was a prat and that wasn't changing. Y/n sighed quietly, feeling frustrated. Another thing she had kept to herself was a feeling of longing for the blonde male. He appeared in her dreams like a prince offering to sweep her off her feet. She'd feel drawn to him when she saw him in the hallways, even when she forced herself to stay away from him. Y/n was afraid as to what it could mean, she couldn't accept the truth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After classes ended, she continued through her usual route back to her dormitory. Unfortunately for her, Draco Malfoy was waiting for her right at the entrance. She quickly turned to try and make a getaway but he grabbed her arm.

"Wait. L/n, can we please talk?"

"What's there to talk about?" Y/n asked coldly, even when her heart fluttered at his touch.

"Just, come with me." Draco began pulling her away as Y/n rolled her eyes and allowed him to drag her.

He took her to an empty hallway, where he finally let her go. Y/n looked at him expectantly, putting her hands on her hips. She knew this was coming, there was no avoiding it, especially when the universe constantly pushed them together. The universe can rot in hell.

"So...we both know that we're.....soulmates. Why do you avoid it?" He sounded hurt, and Y/n's heart ached at the thought of that.

"Because, you're Draco Malfoy. You bully Potter and practically everyone else in this school. All you care about is blood status, the Slytherin house, and impressing your arsehole daddy. You're a spoiled brat who acts like you're entitled to everything, and I refuse to be one of those things just because I'm your 'soulmate'." Y/n growled at him.

He seemed to take everything she said into consideration, which was extremely out of character for him. "I can change, Y/n. I can change for you. In fact, I already have. Haven't you noticed how silent I've been? It's been the talk of the school this entire week." He said, desperately. Y/n wondered why he was so persistent, why did he continuously chase her, even when she actively ran away?

"You feel it too, don't you? A pull to me, like a bond?" Draco asked, watching her carefully. Y/n didn't answer but her silence gave her away. "I feel it too. I see you in my dreams and Merlin, I feel my heart race when I see you. I know you think this is a mistake, but the universe doesn't make mistakes. I love you, Y/n. Just give me a chance to prove it." Draco took her hand softly.

Y/n felt it. Some sort of invisible bond tying her to him. The universe had her in its clutches and it would not let her go. She felt her heart tighten and she sighed. What could it hurt to try? Clearly, the universe wasn't giving up on this and maybe there was a good reason for that. She remembered that feeling of longing for the Slytherin boy and bit her lip.

Damn it all.

She took Draco's face and smashed her lips against his. It felt like everything clicked into place as he held her face and kissed back. His lips fit perfectly against hers and she could feel the world around them stop. It was as if the universe was satisfied with its work and was allowing them to enjoy their moment. She pulled away and opened her eyes, the colors around her seemingly more vibrant than before. Draco looked at her with the widest smile on his face.

"I'll take that as a yes?" He chuckled.

"Don't make me regret it, soulmate." Y/n smiled back.

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Permanent Taglist (if your name is crossed out, I couldn't tag you for some reason):

@my-name-is-jazzy-x

**********************************************

Thank you so much for reading! This was pretty hard to write (I guess I'm not that good at soulmate AU's yet 😅). I hope it wasn't too horrible to read. Yes, I am still working on requests while I'm writing these things (I promise). Thank you again for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Until next time.

-Jade

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wondereads · 3 years

Text

Personal Recommendation (04/25/21)

The Evil Queen by Gena Showalter

Why am I recommending this book?

I've had my eye on this book for so long. I love when characters that are typically thought of as villains rise up and take hold of their fate (yes I read all those villainess mangas).

Want something quick and short? Check out my tiktok

Plot 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Everly and her twin, Hartly, were raised in our world, but their mother hails from another dimension known as Enchantia, a deceptively pleasant name. Everly, Hartly, and the people around them are prophesized to eventually take part in the fairy tale of Snow White and the Evil Queen, and everyone seems to think Everly is the Evil Queen. It especially does not help that her magic involves her speaking to mirrors. Everly enters Enchantia in order to discover the truth behind her mother's escape and what the prophecy really means.

The plot was mostly character-driven. There was no big goal the characters were working towards; they made their decisions based on their emotions and in reaction to the other characters. Because of that, I could never really predict where the book was going to go next. Unfortunately, I was a little spoiled because one of the last chapters is at the beginning of the book. I get why it's there–it removes any expectations that Everly will come out of this untouched–but I still recommend that you skip it. There's just a bit too much there, so it's a major spoiler.

Showalter does a really good job of evoking outrage in the reader. At a lot of points in the book I was genuinely mad at what the characters decided to do, but it only made me want to keep reading so I could see what Everly would decide to do in response.

Characters 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Everly is so great. It's so nice to have a YA female protagonist that is completely unapologetic. She's not the nicest person, and she knows it. She gets her revenge and takes pleasure in it. It was very cathartic to read from her point of view, especially after all the horrible things that happened to her. It was really great because she was 100% justified in doing so many horrible things to the people who wronged her, but she chose to have mercy not because it was the right thing to do but because she knew she was better than them. At times, I felt like she sort of fell into the trap of brash, over-sharing girl from another world, but she moved past that in the second half of the book.

Roth. My opinion on Roth went from one extreme to the other in the book. His general personality was good, especially for a traumatized and somewhat entitled prince. He was a good example of what happens to good people when they're taught to hate, and he really did love Everly. I really did enjoy their relationship for the most part. It was some weird balance between enemies to lovers and friends to lovers which doesn't sound real, but it is. There were some points that threw up some red flags for me (you'll know it when you read it), but I think he's on the way to redeeming himself by the end of the book. I did appreciate that Everly didn't just immediately accept him at the end; it'll take some time for them to work things out and set boundaries before even considering running off together.

God, I was so ready to end up hating Hartly. I was just bracing myself for that inevitable moment, but I loved that she turned out to be perfect throughout. Also, she made me cry. As for Truly, she swapped sides so often during this book, but I did end up liking her. Her conflicting relationships with Farrah and Everly were pretty interesting.

Below here are characters that will spoiler the book! Skip this part if you haven't read it yet!

I'll keep it short. Ophelia and Noel were awful; I can't believe Everly ever trusted them again after what they did to her. I loved to hate Farrah. I thought her punishment was fitting although I wouldn't have been mad if Everly killed her. Nicolas was definitely a wild card; I'm still not entirely sure what side he's on, and I finished the book.

Writing Style 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

The book is from the perspective of Everly, a modern teenage girl, so I felt it was mostly fitting. I did really like how the way Everly and Hartly talked contrasted with the fairytale world inhabitants like Roth and Truly. However, there were some points where it felt like Everly was trying too hard to be a ~relatable teenager~, which is a pitfall a lot of adult YA authors fall into.

I loved the map, I always love the maps. The poem that was written line by line at the beginning of each chapter was a nice touch too. I also really liked how Everly, Hartly, Truly, and Farrah were all based on fairytale-ish words (ever, heart, true, and fair), but Farrah's was still a little different because she distinguished herself as the protagonist and therefore didn't have the lasting bonds like the other girls did.

Meaning 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

I wouldn't say there was a big, glaring, over-arching message in this one, but it did have some really poignant commentary on hypocrisy, stereotyping, and hating for the sake of hate.

To start with, everyone dislikes Everly because her powers involve taking it from others, but everyone is also 100% ready to use her powers for themselves. Also, Everly is pretty much constantly railed on for the sake of the fairytale in the middle of the book. Even though she's done absolutely nothing to warrant it, she's forced into these horrible situations because people have pegged her as the Evil Queen, not realizing that they are why she will eventually become the antagonist. God, I love shit like that. When she retaliates to protect herself, she's all of a sudden this unforgiving, violent witch (which might also be a jab at how society shits on women and then villainizes them when they fight back). The best thing is that Everly doesn't stop standing up for herself and the ones she loves, and, while she isn't actively cruel to those against her, she certainly doesn't let them get away with it.

Overall 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

I loved this book. I have always loved twisted fairytales, and now I also love stereotypically evil women taking back power for themselves. I genuinely liked the main character, the romance was pretty good, and the side characters were all well-developed. The social commentary wasn't subtle, but, like Everly, sometimes being unapologetic isn't bad. This book was kind of cathartic to read. I would recommend this book to people who enjoy fairytales, romance with a lot of sexual tension, and those villainess mangas.

The Author

Gena Showalter—46, America, also wrote Alice in Zombieland, Firstlife, and The Glass Queen

The Reviewer

My name is Wonderose; I try to post a review every two weeks, and I take recommendations. Check out my about me post for more!

#books #recommendations #reviews #the evil queen #gena showalter #fantasy #ya #fairytale retelling

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smutnug · 5 years

Text

What Stays and What Fades Away

My first chapter with the amazing @wardsarefunctioning as beta! A thousand thousand thank yous.

Contains awkward flirting and Drunk!Hawke.

Chapter 27: Juliet

It had been a week since Tanner's abrupt departure, and Juliet still felt ill when she thought about the way things had ended. She chafed to be away in Crestwood, where Hawke was doubtless already waiting for them.

But the Inquisition had become a large organisation, and large organisations seldom moved quickly. While Hawke could travel alone and in relative anonymity, Juliet's expeditions must be scouted, provisioned and planned to the smallest detail. So instead she was stuck here in Skyhold, surrounded by a thousand small reminders of her indiscretion.

She sat at a table in the hall poring over a pile of documents that never seemed to get smaller: requisitions, reports, requests for the Inquisition's help from all over Southern Thedas. Scout Harding was already on the way to Crestwood, but she had left Juliet a map and pages covered in her small, neat handwriting: the location of the village and fort, a brief history of the place and its flooding during the blight, even a few credible rift sightings. A potential logging site? That would help in rebuilding -

"Inquisitor?" The messenger gave a quick salute and handed her a roll of paper. "Plans for the mage tower, milady."

The mage tower. She waited until the man was gone before letting out a groan, burying her head in her hands.

"Pining for your soldier, Freckles?"

Juliet spun in her chair to glare at Varric.

"Firstly," she said, "I'm not bloody pining . Secondly, can we pretend just for a minute that I have some kind of private life?"

The dwarf threw up his hands. "Sorry, Inquisitor," he said, hopping up into the seat next to her. "You're one of the most important figures in Thedas right now. Definitely the most important in Skyhold. Your inner circle has at least three spies, and a mind-reading spirit boy." He patted her on the back. "Keeping secrets is hard."

She stared at him a moment longer, her lips pursed. "Thirdly -"

"I'll change your names."

"Do not -"

"And titles."

"Put this -"

"And location."

"In a book," she finished. "Or I'll throw you to Cassandra."

"Oh, come on Freckles! It's got everything: deception, mistaken identity, star-crossed lovers…"

"I think you're reading a little more into it than actually happened."

"Of course I am. I'm a writer."

Conceding defeat, Juliet looked back to the documents spread out in front of her; the lines on the vellum seemed to blur and dance, Harding's meticulous text reduced to gibberish. She blinked hard, twice, but her eyes refused to cooperate.

"Why not take a break?" Varric asked and added, too casually, "Take a walk in the garden."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why the garden, Varric?"

"Why so suspicious, Freckles?" He grinned, hazel eyes glinting with mischief. "It's a beautiful day. The fresh air will do you good. See how your herbs are growing!"

"I need to plan this…" she protested weakly.

"Do you trust yourself to make good plans right now?"

"Fine." She bundled up the documents, shoving them unceremoniously into a nugskin folder. "I'll go to the garden." In response to Varric's waggling eyebrows, she snapped, "but only because I've got no bloody place better to be."

With a smirk he propped his feet up on the table. "Enjoy the scenery, Inquisitor."

"Thin ice, Tethras," she shot back over her shoulder.

It was close to midday, and she had to admit that the sunlight on her face and the smell of freshly-turned soil did much to clear her head. The air was fragrant with blooming herbs, all of which somehow seemed to thrive here despite the varying climates from which they had been plucked. She wished she could put down roots so easily.

Male laughter caught her attention; the voice was familiar, if not the sound. Beneath the gazebo a small table and two chairs were set up. Dorian faced the Commander over a chess board, hexagonal in the Northern style. The two men were too engrossed in the game to notice her approach and she took a moment to appreciate Cullen's relaxed posture, his easy demeanour as he rolled his eyes in response to Dorian's gentle ribbing.

"Why do I even…" He finally saw her and broke off mid-sentence, half rising out of his chair. "Inquisitor."

Dorian flashed a charming smile in her direction before turning his attention back to Cullen. "Leaving, are you?" The mage's voice, much like his skin, was smooth as honey. "Does this mean I win?"

It was jarring to see the Commander so comfortable in the presence of Dorian, of all people. Despite his wit and charm, or perhaps because of it, he didn't always rub people the right way. Plus he was a Tevinter, and an unapologetic mage. Was there some other reason than magic, then, for Cullen's reticence with her?

Wary of spoiling the mood, she motioned Cullen to sit and tried to match Dorian's light tone. "Are you two playing nice?"

"I'm always nice," Dorian lied without skipping a beat. He put his tower down with a decisive thunk and crossed his arms; impressively muscled for a mage, Juliet could never help but notice. If he'd been differently inclined, she was sure she could have put those muscles to good use. "You need to come to terms with my inevitable victory," he declared to Cullen. "You'll feel much better."

"Really?" Cullen pounced, shifting his tower from a black square to a white. "Because I just won," he said with a low chuckle, "and I feel fine."

Dorian raised one perfect eyebrow and smiled, impeccably gracious in defeat. "Don't get smug." He rose from his chair with the fluidity of a cat. "There will be no living with you."

Juliet shifted to let him pass and as she did so, his silken voice reached her in a pitch too low for Cullen to catch.

"He's all yours, Inquisitor," he purred. "You lucky thing."

She felt her ears burn crimson, unfortunately catching Cullen's eye at the same time. Embarrassment painted a foolish smile across her face and the Commander looked at her with some confusion.

"I should return to my duties as well…" he said, adding hesitantly, "unless you would care for a game?"

Me? she nearly said. Did everyone else in Thedas die and nobody told me? Then she remembered the hand that had lingered on hers a moment too long after he helped her onto her horse, and a heat swept through her that had nothing at all to do with embarrassment.

She maintained her composure enough to give him a tight smile. "Prepare the board, Commander."

Oblivious to the fire that raged inside the woman opposite him, Cullen was conversational as he laid out the carved pieces. "As a child, I played this with my sister. She would get this stuck-up grin whenever she won, which was all the time." He glanced up at her, a rarely seen flash of mischief in his eyes. "My brother and I practiced together for weeks…the look on her facethe day I finally won…"

Juliet caught a glimpse of the boy he had been in his smirk, before a little frown marred his features.

"Between serving the templars and the inquisition, I haven't seen them in years," he said regretfully. "I wonder if she still plays."

It was easy to forget that Templars, too, could become separated from their families. She doubted Michael had ever recounted such fond memories of her. But she felt a pang when she thought of Lavinia, and of Alec, whose child must have been born by now.

"You have siblings?"

He seemed surprised by her enthusiasm. "Two sisters, and a brother."

"We're the same!" Juliet paused. "I mean, my family. Two boys, and two girls." She shifted, nudging Cullen's foot beneath the table. It went unacknowledged by both of them as they adjusted their postures, but she was aware now of his proximity; she could swear she felt the heat of his knee close to her own.

"Really?" Leaning forward on his elbows, he graced her with a warm smile. "Michael I know, but…"

Juliet couldn't suppress an eye roll at the mention of her Templar brother. "Alec is the eldest. He's…well, he's unlike Michael. And Lavinia is between Michael and I in age. Terribly frivolous and always has her foot in her mouth, but she means well." Unexpected tears sprang to her eyes as she thought of them; on waking in Haven to the news that she'd been publicly disowned, she hadn't dared to contact them. "Tell me about yours," she said with forced cheerfulness.

"Mia," he replied with a smile, "is the one I told you of. Branson is my brother, and the youngest is Rosalie."

She wished suddenly, fiercely, that she might some day meet them. "Where are they now?"

"They moved to South Reach after the Blight…" A flash of pain reached Cullen's amber eyes. "I do not write to them as often as I should." Staring at the board, his gaze seemed to come back into focus. "Ah, it's my turn."

"Alright," she said with a grin, "let's see what you've got."

He paused, looking at her for the longest time before shaking his head. Leaning in to make his move, he said softly, "You always seem as if you're laughing at a joke nobody else understands."

"I thought everybody understood," she said lightly. "I'm the joke."

"No." His stare, however glancing, pierced her to the core. "You are far from a joke. You're the reason we are all here."

"And who am I?" she countered. "Someone else would have led. Hawke, if Cassandra could have found her."

"Hawke." His wry smile made a mockery of the idea.

"Nobody should take themselves too seriously." Pondering a moment, she moved a pawn into the path of his mage. "The more power you have, the lessseriously you should take yourself."

Cullen's gaze raked her. Surely, she thought, he must sense the shifting restlessness his mere proximity woke in her. Finally he shook his head. "Are you sure that doesn't do a disservice to those who choose to follow you?"

"The opposite." She countered his move. "Power without humility lead to tyranny."

For a moment he looked startled. Then he laughed, shaking his head. "Of all people, I should know that."

"So you and Dorian…" she began tentatively.

"Dorian and I…?" Cullen's eyebrows shot up. "I assure you, there's nothing of that sort -"

"Oh no, I just meant…you seemed to be getting along so well! It's not a friendship I would have expected."

"I ran into him in the library. Varric asked me to find a book for him." At her quizzical look, he chuckled. "I think he's trying to avoid Cassandra."

"I can't say I've ever seen Cassandra in the library."

"No point in taking chances, were his words. Anyway, Dorian…" Considering his next move, he twirled a stone piece in his fingers. Such long, clever fingers…he caught her eyes suddenly and she shut her mouth with a painfully audible snap . "He just seems lost, you know. He's a long way from home."

"Don't let him think you pity him," Juliet advised. "He won't thank you for it."

"It's not pity," he said, surprised. "Sympathy, yes, but I do enjoy his company." He caught her look of puzzlement. "Is that so unusual?"

"Only," she floundered, searching about for the right words, "because of, you know, what he is."

"What he is?" Cullen's voice held faint disapproval. "I'm not sure I take your meaning."

Oh, Maker, now she'd offended him. "Only that I thought it might make you feel uncomfortable. Threatened, even."

"Threatened?" Cullen sat back in his chair, arms folded as he studied her face. "Why should I feel threatened?"

Could we build a lesser amulet? she thought desperately.One that would take me back to before this line of conversation began. "You wouldn't be the only one. I know several people are concerned with his presence…" Biting her lip, she trailed off as Cullen drummed his fingers on the chair arm with evident annoyance.

"I know that some people harbour foolish prejudices," he began, "but I certainly didn't think you would be amongst them, Inquisitor."

"Me?" she answered indignantly. "Why in Thedas would I be prejudiced against Dorian? I'm the same as he is!"

Cullen gaped. "You are?"

She couldn't understand his reaction; this was by no means new information for the Commander. "Well, yes. I mean I'm not from Tevinter, but essentially…"

They realised their mistake at the same time. Juliet groaned, covering her face; Cullen rubbed the back of his neck as he grinned sheepishly. "You meant…"

"Yes. And you thought…"

"I did." His grin slipped. "But you're wrong to think Dorian's magic should make me uncomfortable. I mean, you're a mage and I'm not uncomfortable with you."

"You're not?"

She must have sounded a touch too incredulous, because Cullen looked at her sharply. Then he smiled, staring down at his hands. "I don't know if you've noticed, Inquisitor, but I can be somewhat…awkward…at times."

"No," she answered, laughing. "Really? It had completely escaped my notice."

"If I seem that way around you, please know that it's not because of the fact that you're a mage. It's because, well…"

Juliet's mouth went dry. "Yes?"

"It's just the way I am," he finished quickly.

Hope gave way to sharp disappointment. Surprised by the intensity of her reaction, she hid her feelings in contemplating the next move. "Your turn," she said finally. His pawn joined the small crowd of pieces on the tabletop.

He studied the board, frowning. "You're no stranger to this game."

"My mentor in the Circle, Lydia," she swallowed hard at the memory, "didn't believe in idle hands. Or minds. When the study of magic didn't take up our time she had us learn history, geography, strategy, mathematics…" An opening became apparent and she swiftly dispatched one of his mages. "Chess."

At the mention of her Circle, Cullen's expression became shuttered. "It seems that was time well spent," he said stiffly. "I wish…" He shook his head, apparently clearing some stray thought. "Your move, Inquisitor."

Always Inquisitor. What was it about him - or about her - that drove her to keep needling him? He was too proper, too authoritative. It made her keep trying to crack open that facade of stiff professionalism, even if she felt like a bird hopelessly battering its wings against a window pane. It made her blurt out, even as her rational mind told her it was a terrible idea, "So…tell me about you and Hawke."

Cullen's smile vanished. "How do you…? Never mind," he said, somewhat curtly. "I would rather not." With exaggerated carefulness he finished his move, putting his knight down with the barest tap of stone on stone. Without meeting her eyes, he elaborated, "It was a mistake."

"Oh." A mistake. Her chest suddenly tight, she attempted what she hoped was a smile. "You have regrets?"

Cullen's answering smile was more of a grimace. "I regret the entire thing. Now, really…I'd prefer if we moved on."

"I'm sorry," she said with forced cheerfulness. "It seems my sister's not the only one capable of putting her foot in it." She saw the opportunity to take his queen, and considered letting it pass; then, with an apologetic smile and a half-shrug, she toppled the piece with her mage.

"There," Cullen said. "That's Mia's look."

Juliet laughed. "I wasn't aiming for stuck-up, but I suppose I've earned the right to gloat a little."

"It's not over yet," he countered. Thoughtful, he glanced at her through sandy eyelashes. "This may be the longest we've gone without discussing the Inquisition - or related matters. To be honest, I appreciate the distraction."

"I aim to please." Impulsively, she added, "We should spend more time together."

Another misstep in a conversation littered with them. Wasn't Cullen supposed to be the awkward one? But there was no awkwardness in his heavy-lidded gaze. "I would… like that," he said, and his low voice sent a pleasant shiver through her body. She could only smile back inanely, until he shook himself and turned his attention back to the board.

"We should…finish our game," he stammered. "Right. My turn?"

They sat in companionable silence. Stone tapped against stone, and the low hum of insects and murmured conversations played around them. Finally Cullen played the only move that was open to him, and it was checkmate. He smiled wryly.

"I believe this one is yours. Well played." He leaned back, rolling his shoulders in a way that distracted Juliet entirely from her victory. "We shall have to try again some time." Standing, he offered her a small bow. "Inquisitor."

"Juliet," she said. "Please."

"Juliet." It was only her imagination, adding that low, husky timbre to his voice, the flash in his molten gold eyes. It was just her name; there was no reason for it to feel like a caress.

And yet long after he had taken his leave she sat, fingers playing around her lips as if the memory of a kiss lingered there.

"Still here?" Dorian startled her from her reverie. He ensconced himself in the chair opposite, fingers steepled and a knowing gleam in his eye. "Do I sense a romance blooming? I would so love to attend a provincial wedding."

"Did you and Varric orchestrate this?" she demanded.

"Varric?" he said, affronted. "Perish the thought, dear cousin. Our Commander wandered into my library and I took pity on him. He seemed so…" The mage twirled his hand theatricality. "Lost."

"How terribly kind of you to keep him entertained."

"Obviously, darling Juliet, I resent the implication to my very core." Dorian plucked an imaginary piece of lint from his trouser leg, examining it between thumb and forefinger. "But I did rather enjoy the game…and the view."

"You don't find our little garden too provincial?"

"Now, now," he chastised her. "We both know I wasn't talking about the garden. My question remains: are you two delightful creatures going to give all of us, your proud and loving family, the news we wait so impatiently to hear? Or must Varric's prize pool grow ever larger?"

"Bloody Varric," she muttered.

"Well?" Dorian crossed an elegant ankle over his leg.

"I'm going to have to disappoint you."

"Oh." Dorian did, indeed, sound disappointed. "Tell cousin Dorian absolutely everything."

Juliet sighed. I regret the entire thing. Somewhere in the Hinterlands, Tanner would be thinking the same about her. "There's really nothing to tell." She turned her hand palm up; the Anchor pulsed faintly green. "I just don't want to be anyone else's mistake."

#I have no idea how to tumblr #ao3 fanfic #dragon age #Too many words

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