#i still need to practice and time it

[whentherewerebicycles]

i think... dare i say it???... i am done prepping this talk

#i still need to practice and time it #and i might push myself to add one more strategy to balance out the two halves #and the framing at the beginning is a TINY bit messy but i think speaking through it aloud will help me figure out how to fix it #but like. i am ready to give this talk tomorrow #the big problem is: it is not as interactive as i really wanted it to be #but there are discussion/partner activities at the beginning - in the middle - and at the end #so i am hoping that breaks up the stretches where i'm just talking #AAAAA okay #i still can't quite believe it's done given how determinedly i've procrastinated on it for months #shouldn't i be frantically working on it at midnight tonight?? #but here we are

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[faunandfloraas]

Honestly I think a lot of people who have never made a gif for tumblr don't get that it does actually take time and effort, its not just rip it from a video and post it- you have to download the video, in my case I have a video player installed that grabs continuous caps, figure out what parts you need, you have to open those in photoshop or gimp, depending on where you got photoshop you might be paying for it every month and then on top of that is actually sizing, cropping, colouring, sharpening, adding text, etc. etc. like it is something that takes time and effort for which the only real reward is creating something that makes you happy and hopefully people reblog it with a nice or funny tag, so maybe keep that in mind the next time you think gif makers are being mean or unfair for being upset about reposts. It is its own little artform that is fairly unique to this website, and that's a big aspect of why I have always loved tumblr, if all the gifmakers stopped posting things would be a lot more boring around here.

#like its well known reposting art or fic is rude so idk why gifs are free game #and why people are always so ~its just a gif~ okay well if its *just* a gif then you go and make one to that quality #oh wait you cant bc it actually does take time and practice #ive been at this for years and i still dont know all the tips and tricks #also the reason i mention all the software needed is bc like. you have to find install learn and it takes up space on the drive #so just reblog stuff and appreciate people that make fun content

[romansmartini]

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to speculate about the sexual and romantic undertones of celebrities’ professional relationships

#thinking about the larry thing again. all my life i’ve been a believer 🙏 #obviously many times of misguided beliefs were there before i like. learned how the world works. now i practice rpf discernment #but quite frankly there’s nothing like the drug of looking at star wars ot promo and being like man. #carrie fisher and harrison ford definitely fucked didn’t they. #and then for carrie fisher to drop the princess diarist and be like yeah me and harrison had the most torrid 70s affair #you can possibly imagine. #VINDICATIONNNNN #quite frankly they are the reason i still believe something similar happened with gillovny. we just need the memoir drop #rpf quiz

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Unsolved Mysteries.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #Spoilers: It was Wei Wuxian the whole time! #Once again this one was on the chopping block but I saved it for just a better comic flow. #Admittedly I do have a critique of the pacing here. Namely that we really should have ended the flashback when WWX fell. #And then gone back to present time for a bit - or even go to a different flashback. #The sense of time passing isn't as strong as it *could* be. #We get *told* three months pass and that they've been looking for WWX. But to the audience it's been...15 min. #Less than seven minutes if you count the flute playing. #This guy when through a whole aesthetic and persona shift in less time than it takes to walk through a corn field. #Guy who listened to less than half an emo album and dyed all his clothes black. And jorted all his jeans. #Timeskips can be sudden and work out just fine! I personally feel like this one would be stronger with better pacing. #Feel free to disagree with me! #In case anyone is wondering why JC and LWJ are still holding hands: 1) Haunted house episode. #2) I needed to practice drawing hand holding at some point. Might as well get the rough and sloppy ones out with these two.

[domi091]

You looked at his brother weird

#sth #sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #sonic #doodles #can't remember last time i colored something #it's refreshing to use colors again #i still need more practice #specially shading #unbreakable bond #theyre brothers your honor

[sopuu]

sketch dump of some guys

#i’ve been hoarding…again…..one of these dates back to june it’s time i cleaned it up💀 #also practicing how to draw these guys bc i need them for au comic purposes #mcsm #minecraft story mode #mcsm fanart #mcsm jesse #my doodles #mcsm lukas #mcsm jack #mcsm petra #mcsm romeo #mcsm admin #still don’t know what those things on jack’s pants are?? #i just went for pockets for now but err might change in the future #oh and happy bday mcsm it’s the 14th on my end but it’s gotta be the 13th elsewhere soo i’m technically not late right #edit: goddamit there was a mistake in one of them HELP #it’s gone now but if anyone noticed no you didn’t 😊 #sopuuart

[turtleblogatlast]

Don’t think I ever quite said what my LGBTQ+ headcanons are for the boys, so these are my current thoughts! Always changing of course but this is what I feel most strongly right now.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt headcanons #rise donnie #rise leo #rise mikey #rise raph #donnie and leo’s sexualities being practically swapped was unintentional but it works way too well #same with mikey and raph tbh it was a happy accident #anyway I kinda hc raph as the type who doesn’t care about physical appearance just if you fight lol #Mikey’s more than happy with friends and family #Donnie is a BIG romantic but he needs time to sus a person out fully before he gets the hots for them #leo meanwhile isn’t keen on romance unless it’s with someone he grows to really really REALLY trust #I could go on and probably will later (knowing me) but it is late and I am tired haha #turtle art tag #curious as to what everyone else headcanons #the only one of these I’ll defend forever is Bi (female-leaning) donnie and trans leo #all the others can change over time but I really like where they’re sitting right now #I hope these are the right flags too because it was kinda hard to find them #went looking for transmasc flag in particular but I couldn’t find a solid agreed upon version 😭 #ngl a big part of why I hc mikey as aro is because of a pun #my phone often misspells aromantic as aromatic and- and you get it- because aromatic herbs and- and Mikey is a chef do YOU GET IT #note that while I hc leo as bisexual (male-leaning) I still think he’s prob closer to demi in that as well just not as far into the spectrum #if that makes sense #headcanons are fun and hard to narrow down at the same time alas #I made this in like an hour can you tell djjdjd #I drew them all from memory so if there’s anything wrong…shhh #and if you’re wondering for April and Splinter #Both are Bisexual (female-leaning) but April is also Panromantic #I almost wanna make Splinter demiromantic too so Big Mama’s betrayal hits just a bit harder

[kyo-hiki]

some random stuff :))

#first time im posting a traditional sketch :o #i really like it so i didnt make digital lineart #im still experimenting with stuff but i really dont want to get into rendering. like. rendering everything and making a background. #i hate it #rendering is so boring #i would post only sketches but most of them are ugly af #so i have no choice but to make lineart and a lil bit of coloring :/ buuuuuu #i really need to practice painting cause i paint like shidd. lmao. #de #disco elysium #cuno #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #fanart #art #sai

[canisalbus]

Different Italian anon, but the thing with Tuscan C is that it's pronounced like a very strong H sound, which is extra weird cuz the letter H makes no sound in Italian, normally. It sounds the way Spanish pronounce the J. We say it's "aspirato". So then people from there will say things like Hoha Hola (coca cola), and it's funny. It's also extremely contagious, I got family in Florence, you spend 3 days with them you start doing it too before you even realize.

.

#that sounds really endearing actually #answered #anonymous #this is entirely beside the point but I still feel sort of bamboozled by languages that have silent letters #or when letters have multiple pronunciations that vary wildly from word to word #and when the sound and the letter don't seem to match like how J sounds very close to H in Spanish like you mentioned #I'm generalizing a little but none of these are really a thing in Finnish #in Finnish words are pretty much always pronounced the way they are written if that makes sense #I don't know the language terminology but I think phonetic spelling is what you call it #each letter represents a specific sound and you string those together #when you hear a word you can always tell how it's written and when you read a word you know how to pronounce it #even if you're encountering the word for the first time and have no idea what it means #it's comparatively direct and predictable there's practically no need for guessing or memorizing #also the stress is always on the first syllabe and it's so subtle it might as well not be there at all #which sometimes makes spoken Finnish and Finnish accent sound kind of monotonous there isn't a lot of intonation #I was extremely confused by the concept of spelling bees as a kid #anyway long tag ramble but this stuff is just interesting to me

[candyheartedchy]

First | Previous | Next

#so I’m back home :3 #this took longer than it should have #mostly because I had to redraw my sona’s hair like two times #but also burnout kicked my ass for a bit #i think I’m getting the hang at drawing Molly like I still need practice but I’m getting there #and once again a reminder that the backgrounds are edited screenshots from the show #but now adventures into the ghost world!!! >:D #❤️ scratchyenne ❤️ #self insert #self ship #🎨 chy creations 🎨 #comic #self insert x canon #eye contact tw

[unexpectedbrickattack]

experimentin w shit heehee

#fake peppino #arts #mine #horror #eye strain #guh #body horror #a lil tho but i just think thats a more commonly blacklisted tag than 'horror' #spooky month is the only time im like. i guess i should TRY to draw spooky shit #i always feel like my style is too loose and roumnd to convey it in the way i want to #but spooky month is like okay u can fuck around and fuck up and itll still be good. the spirit of spookyness n all that #i love horror so much but it feels so hard to grasp. like what is ACTUALLY scary yknow? #its very easy to say whats not scary but then its also so hard to stop urself from doing the same things lol #to be fair. stories and 'motion' (through the use of comics or animations) are far easier ways to convey things like suspense n stuff #still art is like. well that is an image alright lol #not entirely true tho; theres an artist i dont know the name of that did trailcam images that were photorealistic #and theyre sooooooooo fuckin creepy #like when i get around to doing more fp art i wanna use that and the lighting in it as practice #okay thats it i think; gonna draw furry shit bc i need comms yay yippeeeeeee

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Vine_Boom.mp3

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#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #song lan #a-qing #xiao xingchen #xue yang #The scene where Song lan sees Xue Yang is supposed to be dark and dramatic but there's something about the whiplash of emotions- #-that makes me lose my mind!! That's *HIS* bestie!!! Back off bitch!! #Poor guy wandering around for years looking for his amiguito only to find him with the guy that split you apart in the first place #XY wasn't even trying to flaunt it on purpose. He was just vibing with XXC at the wrong time. #I also love A-qing for being quick on the uptake that these two are so similar its practically like a mirror image. #This also mirrors song lan's first/last appearance with the bff sundae. XY finally gets his revenge (having a domestic life with a bff). #((XXC has no idea what the t-shirt says. He just needed a spare. I like to think XY sewed and embroidered it personally)) #I will get into my xue yang thoughts more later but...man I will always wonder how things would have gone if song lan never showed up #xxc never should have run away (out of shame for causing SL harm). It was always going to cause more harm... #Dont worry SL. XXC still misses you. Some bonds cannot be broken even if time and distance pull you apart.

[meownotgood]

cosplanning for the next con... hello

#I spent so long on the wig... 😭 #I've never worn a wig before #so I didn't really know how to do it #and I'm still not sure if I like it #frieren doesn't have those hair clips but I need them otherwise the bangs get in my face #the pigtails are also so heavy #I took the whole cosplay off and felt ready for a nap loooolll #I'll practice doing her hairstyle on myself in case I end up ditching the wig #the con isn't for a while so I have time #zzzzzzzz.....

[mishapen-dear]

uhhhh i think they were kinda fucked

#hlvrai #benrey #this was Such a Challenge #and it's still not how i want it smh smh but i've learned a bunch and ive already spent so much time on it #so that means i've won at art #i opened up my program and looked at it and went 'huh! :} ' rather than the previous reactions of 'huh >:/ ' #which is truly the Best indicator that ive succeeded at an art #maybe ill repaint this one day and work harder to make the green = top layer and red = bottom a stronger distinction #i think that's what's throwing me off #but i def need some more practice drawing liquid before i do that #i do like how fuckin dead benrey looks tho that's fun #get owned idiot #mishapen draws #i hope the colours arent ass ugly on other screens <.< the greatest curse of doing weird things with colours is that not everyone's screens #show the same and it kills me every time something looks so much different on my phone compared to my comp

[thedisablednaturalist]

Hey abled people

Don't offer to assist someone just to be polite

You don't get to offer to push me and then turn around and complain when I accept, or push me for like a minute and then give up while complaining.

I get if you didn't realize how heavy it is or that you might not be strong enough, just say that and apologize. And then STOP PUSHING ME. Don't continue while bitching and making me feel bad.

If you bitch at me it's only going to make me feel worse and everyone around us is going to be mad at ME for "taking advantage of you"

Usually I will only ask for help when I am at my limit, or when I'm around a group of friends I trust, so they can switch off if they get tired. When I need to get up a hill and no one is there to help I just get out and push. Until I get a power assist I still will need help from time to time.

Also in most cases, a stranger won't want or need your help unless they are in immediate need and usually then we will ask. It's very uncomfortable to have a stranger touch your chair.

You don't need to ask every wheelchair user if they need help. I think in some countries it's considered polite to ask but please..just stop if you can't back it up and actually help!!!

#cripplepunk #wheelchair #mobility impaired #mobility device users #wheelchair etiquette #chronic disability #chronic pain #fibromyalgia #spoonie #disability #i had a friend who would bitch and moan the entire time #and before they would practically be BEGGING to push me #people usually just want to TRY pushing me cause they think itll be fun #and then when its not they stop #we shouldnt have to put spikes on ourselves to keep people from grabbing us #i dont have it on mine cause i still need to be pushed sometimes #i do have a group of friends who for the most part dont complain #sometimes theyll have trouble pushing me up a hill but they dont make it my fault