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ineffable-endearments · 1 month

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The Crow Road by Iain Banks

I finished The Crow Road and had a little time to think about it. I'll put my thoughts under a Keep Reading in case anyone is trying to avoid spoilers.

As I speculated before, I think it's likely that The Crow Road is more related to Good Omens in philosophy than in plot. I mean, it's not that the plots necessarily have nothing in common, and we could be very surprised in the end of course, but now that I've read the whole book, its philosophical commonalities with GO are both apparent and kind of inspiring. Also, if I were a writer, I'd be more interested in dropping hints about what themes are important than telegraphing my whole plot ahead of time.

So here, I will describe the book and point out themes that I believe may reappear in Good Omens 3.

This is a long post. If you read it, make a cup of [beverage of choice].

Update on 4/20/2024: I made a second post: The Crow Road and Good Omens: Further-Out Thoughts

Below are mentions of suicide, death/murder, and sexual acts.

The Crow Road centers around a character named Prentice McHoan, a university student in Scotland who starts to sort out his complicated relationship with his complicated family as he explores the mystery of his uncle Rory's disappearance. Although the book is mostly from Prentice's perspective, the narration jumps around in time with the McHoan family. There are quite a lot of important characters to keep track of; the bare-bones summary I put below doesn't even include some of the important ones. I wanted to make the summary even shorter and simpler than this, but the truth is that this book is not short or simple, and if I made the summary any simpler, it might be downright misleading.

There are at least three major cultural aspects of The Crow Road that I am inexperienced with: the overall culture in the 1950s-1980s (I was born in 1988, so of course wasn't here for the relevant decades), the international experience of the Gulf War (again, born in 1988), and the history and culture of Scotland itself (I'm USAmerican with only reading as a source). As a result, I'm sure there are important dimensions to the book that I've missed. If someone has a different perspective taking some of these things into account, I'd love to know about it.

Also, keep in mind, there is a great deal of descriptive writing in this book. There are a lot of pages about the geography of Scotland, and about Prentice as a kid, and about Prentice's father and uncles hanging out together in their youth, and about various family incidents, and about Prentice spending time with his brothers and friends. At first, these passages seem to just make things more confusing, and in my head, I accused them of being "filler." But they definitely serve a purpose. They're a way of showing and not telling the characters' attitudes and relationships to each other. More importantly, because we get to actually live these experiences with the characters, they are what give all the plot points below their deeper emotional impacts. In other words, the everyday experiences give the plot its deeper meaning. They resonate with one of the core themes in the novel: that our experiences in life, rather than any supposed existence after death, are what matters.

The Crow Road's story is like this:

Prentice is rather directionless in life, and he seems to have trouble investing any energy in his own future as he moons over his unrequited feelings for an idealized young woman named Verity. Soon, Verity ends up in a romance with Prentice's brother, Lewis, and Prentice feels that Lewis "stole" her from him. Prentice has also become estranged from his father, Kenneth, over spirituality. Prentice believes there has to be something more after death because he feels it would be incredibly unfair if people didn't get anything other than this one life; Kenneth is not only a passionate atheist, but is offended by the notion of an afterlife.

Prentice's uncle Hamish, Kenneth's brother, has always been religious, although his religion involves a number of bizarre and offbeat ideas of his own, with inspiration from more traditional Christian notions. Prentice is not really sure about this ideology, but he's willing to talk to Hamish about it and even participates during Hamish's prayers, whereas Kenneth is openly scornful of Hamish's beliefs. Hamish interprets this as Prentice being on "his side."

Prentice has a few opportunities to go back and talk to his father, and is begged to do so by his mom, Mary, with whom his relationship is still good. Mary doesn't want either of the men to give up their inner ideas about the universe; she just wants them to agree to disagree and move on as a family. Prentice says he will visit, but he just keeps putting it off and off and off.

Prentice acquires a folder containing some of his missing uncle Rory's notes in the process of hooking up with Rory's former girlfriend, Janice Rae, who seems to have taken a shine to Prentice because he reminds her of Rory. Using the contents of the folder, Prentice wants to piece together the great literary work that Rory left unfinished, which Rory titled Crow Road; however, it becomes apparent that Rory didn't turn his concepts into anything substantial and only had a bunch of disconnected notes and ideas. He hadn't even decided whether Crow Road would be a novel, a play, or something else. The few bits of Rory's poetry for Crow Road read are bleak and depressing.

Prentice also spends a lot of time with a young woman named Ash. They've been good friends since childhood and seem to have a somewhat flirtatious dynamic now, but they aren't in a romantic relationship; mostly, they drink and hang out together. Ash tells Prentice bluntly to get his life back on track when she finds out he's failing at school, avoiding his family, and engaging in shoplifting. She is a voice of reason, and when Prentice insists to her that he's just a failure, she reminds him that actually, he's just a kid.

Prentice's efforts to figure out Rory's story or location stagnate, and he continues to fail at school and avoid his father. He then receives word that Kenneth was killed while debating faith with Hamish. In fact, Kenneth dies after a fall from a church lightning rod, which he was climbing in an act of defiance against Hamish's philosophy when it was struck by lightning; Hamish is convinced that Kenneth had incurred God's wrath. Ash is there for support when Prentice finds out about the death.

With Ash's help, Prentice returns to his hometown again to help manage Kenneth's affairs. Prentice speaks with a very shaken Hamish, who is handling Kenneth's death with extreme drama and making it all about his own feelings. Hamish tells Prentice that Kenneth was jealous that Prentice shared more in common with Hamish's faith than with Kenneth's lack of faith. However, this isn't really true, and as he contemplates his father's death, Prentice begins to internalize one of the last things Hamish reported that Kenneth had argued: "All the gods are false. Faith itself is idolatry."

As the chapters go on, Prentice is compelled by some of the meaningful items related to Rory that he discovers in his father's belongings. He gains a renewed sense of purpose trying to solve the mystery of where Rory went and what happened to him. Among the interesting items are an ancient computer disk of Rory's that Prentice can't access with any equipment he can find; Ash uses her connections in the US and Canada to find a computer expert who can finally open the files on it. This takes quite a while, since the disk has to be mailed and Ash's connection is investigating the disk only in his free time.

Prentice also discovers that his feelings for Verity have changed. He no longer feels angry with Lewis for "stealing her." At first, Prentice's narration describes this as his feelings "cooling" as a result of the trauma of losing his father, but interestingly, this soon means Prentice gets to know Verity as a sister-in-law without getting caught up in jealous romantic feelings. Verity gets along well with the family, and Prentice is actually happy to discover that she and Lewis have a baby on the way. Prentice's relationship with Lewis improves greatly as well, partly because he is no longer jealous and partly because he realizes he does not want to lose Lewis, too.

Ash's connection who was looking at Rory's computer disk comes through and sends the printed contents of the files to Prentice. The files reveal to him that Rory likely knew Prentice's uncle, Fergus, murdered his wife by unbuckling her seat belt and crashing their car. Rory had written out a fictional version of events and considered using it in Crow Road. I'm not clear on exactly how certain Rory was about Fergus's crime, or whether Rory would have intentionally reported Ferg, or whether Rory even had enough proof to publicly accuse Ferg of murder, but people would likely have connected the dots in Rory's work and become suspicious of Ferg. For this reason, Prentice believes Ferg murdered Rory as well.

Prentice confronts Ferg. He doesn't get a confession and leaves Ferg's home with no concrete proof of anything; Ferg denies it all. But Prentice is soon physically assaulted in the night, and it seems Ferg was almost certainly the culprit, because he hadn't been home that same night, and he had injuries (probably from being fought off) the next day. A day or two later, Ferg's body is found unconscious in the cockpit of a plane, which crashes into the ocean. It's uncertain whether this was a suicide, but Prentice suspects it was. Rory's body is then soon recovered from the bottom of a waterway near Prentice's home, where Ferg had sunk it years ago.

As the mysteries are solved, Prentice realizes his feelings for Ash are romantic love. However, it's too late, he thinks, because Ash is about to take a job in Canada, where she may or may not stay. Prentice also hesitates to approach her because he's embarrassed about his previous behavior, venting all his angst about Verity and his father. He isn't sure she would even want to be in a relationship with him after that. But the very night before Ash leaves, she kisses Prentice on the cheek, which leads to a deeper kiss. They finally connect, have sex, and confess their mutual feelings. Ash still goes to her job in Canada, but says she'll come back when Prentice is done with his studies that summer.

The relationship's future is somewhat uncertain because something could come up while Ash is in Canada, but Prentice is hopeful. The book ends with Prentice getting ready to graduate with his grades on track as a history scholar, fully renouncing his belief in an afterlife while he acknowledges the inherent importance of our experiences in our lives now, and enjoying his time with Lewis and Verity and his other family members.

What's the point of all these hundreds of pages?

Well, look at all of the above; there's definitely more than one point. But the main point I took away is that we get this one life, with our loved ones in this world here and now, and this is where we make our meanings. There is no other meaning, but that doesn't mean there's no meaning at all. It means the meaning is here.

It's not death that gives life its meaning. It's the things we do while alive that give life its deeper meaning.

The Crow Road is described (on Wikipedia) as a Bildungsroman, a story focusing on the moral and philosophical growth and change of its main character as they transition from childhood to adulthood ("coming-of-age novel" is a similar term that is interchangeable, but more vague and not necessarily focused on morality/philosophy). And, indeed, all of the plots ultimately tie into Prentice's changed philosophy.

After his argument with Kenneth, Prentice feels childish and humiliated, and as a result, he refuses to go back home, which leads to a spiral of shame and depression. Kenneth dies and Prentice realizes it's too late to repair the relationship, which also leads him to realize it's what we do in life that matters, and that therefore, his father's argument was correct after all.

At the end of the novel, Prentice outright describes his new philosophy. However, I can't recall one specific passage where Prentice describes the process of how he changed his mind (if anyone else can remember something I missed, do let me know). There is, however, a moment when his narration indicates that Hamish seems less disturbed by his own part in the incident that led to Kenneth's death and more disturbed by the notion that his beliefs might actually be true: there might actually be an angry, vengeful God. In other words, Hamish's philosophy is selfish at its core.

My interpretation is that when his father died, Prentice realized three things: how utterly self-serving Hamish's devout faith is, how Kenneth's untimely death proves the importance of working things out now rather than in an imaginary afterlife, and how much profound meaning Kenneth had left behind despite having no faith at all. After these realizations, a determined belief in an afterlife no longer makes our lives here more profound like Prentice once thought it did.

Also, it's worth noting that this incident changes Prentice's idea of partnership, too. He loses interest in this distant, idealized woman he's been after. In love as in the rest of life, Prentice lets go of his ideals, and in doing so, he makes room for true meaning, both in a sincere familial, platonic connection with Verity and a sincere intimate, romantic connection with Ash.

But what about the sex scene?!

Yes, indeed, at the tail end of the story, Prentice and Ash have sex and admit they want to be in a relationship together. Prentice's narration describes them sleeping together and having intercourse not just once, but many times, including some slow and relaxed couplings during which they flex the muscles in their private parts to spell out "I.L.Y." and "I.L.Y.T." to each other in Morse code. This is relevant because earlier, they had been surprised and delighted to discover that they both knew Morse code; it isn't a detail that came from nowhere.

I didn't get the impression that this scene was trying to be especially titillating to the reader. It was mostly just a list of stuff the characters did together. I felt the point was that they were still anxious about being emotionally honest, a little desperate to convey their feelings without having to speak them out loud, and awkward in a way that made it obvious that their primary concern was the feelings, not the sexual performance. They cared about each other, but they weren't trying to be impressive or put on a show; contrast this with previous scenes where Prentice would act like a clown in front of Ash to diffuse his own anxiety. I've always thought that being able to have awkward sex and still enjoy it is a good sign.

Okay, so what does this all have to do with Good Omens?

Here's where I have to get especially interpretive. I'm doing my best, but of course, not everyone reading this will have the same perspective on Good Omens, the Final Fifteen especially. I believe similar themes are going to resonate between The Crow Road and Good Omens regardless of our particular interpretations of the characters' behavior and motivations, but I suppose it could hit differently for some people.

The TL;DR: I see similar themes between The Crow Road and Good Omens in:

The importance of mortal life on Earth

Meaning (or purpose) as something that we create as we live, not something that is handed to us by a supreme being

Sincere connection and love/passion (for people, causes, arts, life's work, etc) as a type of meaning/purpose

Relationships as reflections of philosophy

The dual nature of humanity

Life on Earth as the important part of existence is a core theme in Good Omens, and has been since the very beginning. We all already know Adam chose to preserve the world as it already is because he figured this out, and we all already know Aziraphale and Crowley have been shaped for the better by their experiences on Earth. But Good Omens isn't done with this theme by a long shot. I think this is the most important thematic commonality Good Omens will have with The Crow Road. Closely related is the notion that we create our meanings as we live, rather than having them handed to us. Isn't this, in a way, what Aziraphale struggles with in A Companion to Owls? He's been given this meaning, this identity, that doesn't fit him. But does he have anything else to be? Not yet.

Partnerships as a parallel to the characters' philosophical development also resonates as a commonality that The Crow Road may have with Good Omens. Prentice's obsession with Verity goes away when he starts to embrace the importance of life on Earth and makes room for his sincere relationship with Ash. Note their names: "Verity" is truth, an ideal Prentice's father instills in him; "Ashley" means "dweller in the ash tree meadow" in Anglo-Saxon, according to Wikipedia, and "ash" is one of the things people return to after death. Prentice literally trades his high ideals for life on Earth. We see in Aziraphale a similar tug-o'-war between Heaven's distant ideals and Crowley's Earthly pleasures, so I can see a similar process potentially playing out for him.

I don't particularly recall a ton of thematic exploration of free will in The Crow Road. However, there is a glimmer of something there: Prentice feels excessively controlled by Kenneth's desire to pass down his beliefs, and part of the reason Prentice is so resistant to change is simply his frustration with feeling censored and not being taken seriously. As the reader, I do get the feeling that while Prentice is immature, Kenneth made major mistakes in handling their conflict, too. And Kenneth's mistakes come from trying to dictate Prentice's thoughts. There is likely some crossover with Good Omens in the sense that I'm pretty sure both stories are going to take the position that people need to be allowed to make mistakes, and to do things that one perceives as mistakes, without getting written off as "stupid" or "bad" or otherwise "unworthy."

Suffice it to say that the human characters in Good Omens will also certainly play into these themes, but it's hard to write about them when we don't know much about them except that one of them is almost certainly the reincarnation of Jesus. This also makes me suspect perhaps the human cast will be 100% entirely all-new, or mostly new, symbolic of how Aziraphale and Crowley have immersed themselves in the ever-evolving, ever-changing world of life on Earth. Alternatively, if we encounter human characters again from Season 1 or 2, perhaps the ways they've grown and changed will be highlighted. For example, even in real-world time, Adam and Warlock have already, as of the time I'm writing this, gone through at least one entire life stage (from 11 in 2019 to 16 in 2024). They'll be legal adults in a couple of years, and if there's a significant time skip, they could be much older. If characters from Season 1 do reappear and themes from The Crow Road are prominent, I would expect either some key scenes highlighting contrasts and changes from their younger selves or for stagnation and growth to be a central part of their plot.

The more I write, the more I just interpret everything in circles. Hopefully this post has at least given you a decent idea of what The Crow Road is like and how it may relate to Good Omens.

I'll end this post with a quotation that feels relevant:

Telling us straight or through his stories, my father taught us that there was, generally, a fire at the core of things, and that change was the only constant, and that we – like everybody else – were both the most important people in the universe, and utterly without significance, depending, and that individuals mattered before their institutions, and that people were people, much the same everywhere, and when they appeared to do things that were stupid or evil, often you hadn’t been told the whole story, but that sometimes people did behave badly, usually because some idea had taken hold of them and given them an excuse to regard other people as expendable (or bad), and that was part of who we were too, as a species, and it wasn’t always possible to know that you were right and they were wrong, but the important thing was to keep trying to find out, and always to face the truth. Because truth mattered. Iain Banks, The Crow Road

#good omens #the crow road #good omens book club #go3 speculation #s3 speculation #good omens 2 spoilers #go s2 spoilers

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frameacloud · 4 months

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Page number 9 of Theri There, originally posted on October 24, 2005. Description in alt text.

First page | Previous page | Next page

Note from 2005: The animal design within the brain in the second-to-last panel is based upon the White Mare of Uffington, a 370-foot design etched on a British hillside in the first century BCE.

Note from 2024: Some parts of this have become dated, and I would write it differently now. For example, I wrote "identify with" when I meant "identify as." I also wrote "spirit," when the more suitable word might be "soul." In the second panel, some words in that list fell out of use. The therian community hasn't tended to say "phenotype" or "were shape" for many years.

The ninth panel didn't get my intent across very well. It's in the punchline position, which I had meant to signify that this one disrupts the pattern of the sequence before it. It's not supposed to mean that some therianthropy or otherkinship is pretend. Therians and otherkin see their therianthropy or otherkinship as a genuine part of themselves. That is essential to being a therian or otherkin. If it's nothing more than a pretend roleplaying character that you can put on or take off at a whim and is not a long-term intrinsic part of you, then it's not therianthropy or otherkinship, it's something else, though it might look similar in some ways.

In that panel, the guy shouting "Impostor!" refers to how regulars in forums for therians and otherkin watch out for a common problem in all those forums. A newcomer mistakes the forum for roleplay, and then starts roleplaying there, not realizing they're doing this in a space where folks discuss their own genuine everyday experiences. When the newcomers come to understand their mistake, it's common for them to either call the regulars crazy, or double down on their roleplay story for mischief. Other times, a newcomer intentionally poses as a parody of therians and otherkin, just for laughs.

In reaction to this problem, later in the 2000s, therian forums started banning all roleplay, and grilling newcomers with a barrage of personal questions and judgments to make sure they understood where they were and that their story checked out. This was a change from how our earlier forums saw it as rude to question others' identities, and welcomed roleplay for nonhuman self-expression.

That brings me to another aspect of what I was trying to get at with panel nine. Although therianthropy and otherkinship aren't roleplay, roleplay is often an important part of that experience. Roleplay is useful for exploring what sort of person you are or want to be, so naturally some people discover themselves through it. Some people sincerely are therians or otherkin, but they dislike philosophy debates about it, and their preferred way to share it with friends is through roleplay. Some people use roleplay to achieve some forms of self-expression that they can't otherwise. Some people have roleplaying characters that are deeply meaningful to them, far more than a mere disposable pretend role, something that they say represents their "real me," or who they'd be if they could. The distinction between therianthropes and furries is somewhere in this paragraph. However, it would be just as much of a mistake to say that therians and furries both identify as animals as it would be to say that the concept of the self as an animal is deeply meaningful for therians and not for furries.

Here’s the DreamWidth discussion forum for this page.

#therianthrope #therianthropy #therian #otherkin #nonhuman #alterhuman #furry #screen reader friendly #rated G #theri there #my art and writing #comic

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zsakuva · 30 days

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How do you come up with so many intricate plots and characters? They seem so… human? I’m very surprised you don’t read much! I guess what I’m asking is, what’s your creative process? Do you take inspiration from aspects of yourself, or is it more of a form of escapism? When you write your plots, do you imagine yourself as the character, the audience, or both?

Another thing that truly amazes me and makes your channel stand out a lot is the way you give the listener a voice. It feels like each listener is so different and unique, and *actually* interacts with the character. It also feels like you’re never spoon feeding us information? All the questions do get answered, but it’s different style imo. Usually, in most ASMR RPs I’ve heard, the speaker will repeat what you said verbatim, (eg. “You think XXX?”, or “You want me to XXX?”), and the frequency at which these types of phrases are used makes it *seem* like a RP. Of course, it’s a challenging medium - the audience needs to know whats going on somehow, but you manage to achieve the same in a much more subtle way. It makes me wonder how long you spend planning out your content haha.

Final question, do you prefer to type or handwrite your plans, scripts, etc? I’ve always preferred planning on paper, even though it’s a bit impractical haha. Also, would you mind showing us your handwriting? I think it says a lot about a person! There’s the stereotype that people usually have a certain handwriting that corresponds to their major/occupation, and if I remember correctly, I think you studied film? I’m just curious hehe. No pressure, of course!

Sorry for sending you an essay, I hope you have a restful and comfy Friday!

Thank you!

Honestly, I don't know how I do it myself considering my memory is absolute shit! Though I don't read much, I learn about characters through other mediums such as television shows and movies. I'll try and break this down for ease of reading!

~My Creative Process~

When making a character or series, it all depends on where my initial inspiration began. For example, with Niall, I wanted to create an M4M series exploring a character who carries trauma of being forcibly outed, betrayed by someone he confided in, and how those events affected him through his adult life. The core of Niall's story was confronting fears that manifested due to the Listener's actions in school, and finding that there was a way to heal, albeit slowly, and a hope to love despite external animosity. Niall exists because I wanted to tell a particular story.

With Zaros, he first came about because of The Noble Trials plot. I knew that he would be different from other characters, so I'm using this series as a means of testing my skill with a new editing style, story format, and new world setting. Although it's more work, I have the most fun with The Noble Trials and making its lore (though I'm always a sucker for that)!

I go into creating characters with the belief that they are all extremely flawed. Whether that be by nature or nurture, there will inevitably be some slew of events in their pasts that shaped the way they act in the current timeline. This also extends to the Listeners so they aren't rigid, boring, and an empty shell. Characters can clash, but they can also change with and for each other. A good example is Isaac's story. He was scarred by his past, and was willing to confine Pickle in the house if it meant not losing someone he cared for again. Pickle was also scarred with abandonment and instability, wondering if they would ever find a home. Isaac gave them a place to belong, and Pickle gave him consolation and courage to face the unknown.

When I write, the character's actions must reflect the backstory in which they were crafted, so I always need to dive into their heads.

~Listener Dialogue~

This requires much more thought to make interactions seem authentic, but there's a fine line between repeating words verbatim and not alluding to any sort of context. I dislike repeating the Listener's words so I try to indirectly insinuate what they were saying whenever possible. If I can do so with SFX alone, that's a bonus! But when scenes contain heavy dialogue, it can be difficult to get the message across without being heavy-handed with repetition, unless that's the purpose of a specific moment.

~Handwriting vs Typing~

I always handwrite my outlines! On some occasions, I can start and finish a script without the help of one, but my workflow tends to include writing an outline of some kind, and it has to be done on paper! I feel like the ideas manifest quicker that way.

However, I always type my scripts. It's much easier to edit, share with other voice actors, and there's a level of professionalism in formatting that motivates me to write more!

Here is an example of my writing. This screenshot was part of a Twitch stream!

#zsakuva #sakuverse #audio roleplay #boyfriend audios

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ethereal-night-fairy · 9 months

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Forgotten sorrows

Chapter 3

Fae!Soap X Female Reader

We see things from Soap's perspective as he navigates through his growing feelings.

Warnings: MDNI, suggestive language, dark themes, manipulation, mention of abuse and trauma, MDNI, sorry if I missed any.

I was going to make this alot angstier but I decided to pace myself and do that for the next chapter. This chapter isn't that dark but it still touches up on sensitive topics. The witch best friend makes a brief appearance at the end but I'll definitely be writing alot more of her in the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy the chapter. This Fae au belongs to @ghouljams I feature alot of their Oc characters in my writing.

Forgotten Sorrows Masterlist

Masterlist

Words: 6.3k

Soap's Pov

"So what are you in the mood for?", Gaz says leaning against someone's car. "A painter?, actor?, writer?, there's a whole buffet layed out for you here, ya lucky bastard", he says keeping his eyes peeled for some sad naive soul to sink his teeth into.

"Ah'm not too fussed ah just wannae eat"

Soap looks around the festival searching for an easy meal after his latest strings of failed…encounters to put it nicely. Artists these days were so difficult to exploit, it was like beating a dead horse for crumbs. His appetite wasn't what it used to be, even with completed artwork the hunger would return soon after. He needed someone naive and ready to churn out art like their life depended on it. Just so he could feel satiated for a while before finding his next victim.

"I don't think I'll find much here, but the costumes are funny to rate on their accuracy", Gaz sighs

Soap hums as he locks eyes on a pretty little comical fairy walking in with a theater group. He could hear her voice from here. He watched as she easily got roped into a raffle scam at the entrance as her group walked to the stage. He laughs as she buys several tickets. Probably thinking luck was on her side. This was as good a sign as any to make his entrance.

Gaz took the hint to go off to do his own thing while Soap went to hunt. Ensnaring her was one of the easiest things he's ever done. A few compliments here, a few longing touches there had her in the palm of his hands in seconds. Her naivety was honestly concerning how unguarded she was in regards to everything. Almost as if she knew she'd be taken care of in the end. But Soap didn't mind, he just wanted to feed. She was all too eager to share her binder of plays and her dreams of them reaching Broadway. She had potential, he'd give her that. She was also very much willing to work herself to the ground to achieve her goals. As well as using any available resources near her. Which was exactly what he was looking for.

He got his hooks into her before she had to leave to meet her sister and quite a few for that matter. He had more hooks in her than the minutes he spent talking to her. But that just meant he could consume her in a shorter period of time. He kept an eye on her to make sure no other Fae tried to take what was his. It was then that he saw you working your little stall with all sorts of art pieces cluttering your display. You had a pleasant air about you, something very comforting. He saw you fret over your sister's naivety and try to school her in basic knowledge. You had a glint in your beautiful eyes. One that he rarely saw anymore. He could feel the love and intent behind each one of your pieces as if you made them with specific people in mind. People who needed love, people who needed care. The pieces attracted those who lacked in those aspects and you sold them with gratitude. He was so occupied with you he didn't realise his little pink fairy had left. But he couldn't stop himself from watching you from afar. There was just something off about you. Like you were cloaked in an imaginary veil. Like your true self was hidden. Gaz had brought Ghost for a chat after meeting him while exploring, with Love, Liebling and Konig trailing behind with food in their hands. Liebling kept her distance with Konig shielding her from Soap's view and vice versa. The whole time talking to them he couldn't keep his sights away from you for more than a couple seconds. Everyone seemed to have noticed. Gaz made a passing remark about him burning through his artists like cigarettes.

Love had a mischievous look in her eyes and wanted to investigate whether to tease Soap at a later date or just to mess up his chances with his new artist, so she dragged Ghost with Konig and Liebling trailing behind to go look at the stall and get more information. Soap watched from afar to see what she was up to, not trusting her unpredictable behaviour. He often wondered how Ghost dealt with her, but was also jealous he found a life partner before him. It was actually unbelievable if he thought about it. Ghost had been alone for years refusing any interaction with humans unless it had to do with him feeding. It took Soap a really long time to get Ghost to consider him an acquaintance let alone a friend. But he decided not to dwell on his relationships right now, he was more concerned with what Love was about to do with you. He already had your sister in his grasp; so he wasn't planning on pursuing you as of yet. Maybe not ever. He just found you intriguing, he tried to convince himself.

He saw you tense up the second they were in a miles radius from you. Like a switch had flipped sending you into fight, flight or freeze mode. You definitely froze at the first glimpse you got of Ghost like a deer in headlights. You recovered quickly and put back on a professional smile while trying to keep calm. It was entertaining seeing you tremble as you painted Love's portrait as Ghost kept his eyes on you. It was even funnier when that seer approached your stand with her giant of a boyfriend trailing behind her like a love sick puppy after Ghost had showed off the portrait you painted. You looked like you wanted to run and hide or possibly faint but kept up appearances. You were smart and never thanked them, it seemed like you had some knowledge in regards to interacting with Fae. You held yourself with grace even in difficult situations, it was admirable for a human. Most would have ran away. Getting hooks in you would prove to be difficult, he thought. So your sister will have to do, to satiate his growing hunger.

He found his little pink fairy at the food stall and offered to buy her snacks while he continued to chat her up. A little longer goes by and he feels that same pleasant air he felt watching you, this time much closer. He sees you looking around and finally setting your eyes on your sister who was eating up every last word he was saying to her. You approach out of breath panting. And your sister introduces him to you while she continues to chat to him but he wasn't paying attention. He couldn't take his eyes off you, even though he tried. He thought you were pretty from afar but seeing you close up was a whole different story. All kinds of unholy thoughts were running through his dirty mind. He couldn't help himself picturing you beneath him in your current state with a flushed expression and out of breath. Moaning and begging him for his touch, his lips, his tongue. He caught your not so subtle stare at his lips which he smirked at seeing you get even more embarrassed.

He saw you hurriedly introduce yourself before your sister could give out your name. Faoi Rún? translating to confidential in Irish, he smirks at your antics. Just Rún had many translations but he assumed you meant a 'secret', when you told him to address you as such. Weren't you a pretty little smart ass he thought. Maybe you needed a lesson in manners. One he'd be more than happy to provide. Picturing you bent over his lap squirming trying to escape as he paints your ass different shades of colours, while you whimper and cry for him to stop. He could feel blood rushing to his cock, he needed to quickly navigate his thinking elsewhere. So he settled on asking you some questions.

You were quick and concise with anything you answered not giving any room for follow ups. The complete opposite of your sister who liked sharing every detail under the sun about herself and her work. It only took him a couple of minutes at the start before he had gotten her full name. He saw you chew your lips as you were deep in thought, probably thinking of a way to get rid of him. He could see the weariness in your eyes and the fear. Like you already knew what he was about to attempt to do. It didn't matter though once he successfully isolated his victims away from friends and family it was an easy game to play. You'd get fed up eventually and stop trying to keep in contact, leaving your sister to be consumed by him. And he might just be able to get some hooks in you when you're grieving her loss. Humans don't really think rationally when in pain or distress. A lot of great artwork is fuelled by sadness and grief so he might be in for a treat.

He left with your sister on that day, he thought about seducing her further but honestly he didn't even need to. She was one of the most gullible people he's ever met. She would believe anything he said and just feed off the compliments he gave her. Isolating her from her friends was fairly easy; they stopped trying to get in touch about two weeks in. He'd make her spend the majority of her time with him and ignore everyone else. You on the other hand didn't give up so easily. Which he wasn't too concerned about as long as you kept your distance. He'd pour his inspiration into your sister causing her to have manic episodes of hours or even days of just writing. She had already fed him 5 short plays, 3 skits and was working on a screenplay, this was 4 weeks in. He was satisfied with the way things were going until you showed up at her door.

He was honestly vexed when he first saw you come in. It was a bad look for him considering your sister had just collapsed from exhaustion. And he was coincidentally there when her whole house was a mess. He couldn't really talk his way out of his involvement in the matter so he stayed silent after your initial outburst. Not really hiding his anger. You would have seen past it anyway, with being on high alert and all. Charming you would be even harder with your knowledge regarding Fae. So he stood by and watched you seethe in anger at him for the first few minutes. You were really protective of your sister, much to his annoyance. You eventually focused on cleaning away her apartment as quietly as possible not wanting to disturb her. He could see the worry and love radiating off you. He found you furrowing your brows and biting your lips quite often mumbling your frustration to yourself. He wanted to brush his fingers over your lower lip to relieve the pain you were causing yourself. He watched your body mesmerized by its movement wanting to pin you against the wall and make you tremble with his touch. Make you forget everything but him, causing pretty tears to stream down your face as the pleasure overwhelms you. Conjuring your warm body in his mind, pinned and tied to the bed, begging him in a soft voice to stop teasing you. Trailing his rough fingers across your sensitive skin, kissing and biting your neck leaving hickies and bruises in his wake. He didn't even bother hiding the fact he wanted to devour you. Maybe it would scare you off or even better if it would cause a rift in your relationship with your sister. If she viewed it as you trying to seduce him. He could definitely use his tenthers to sway her emotions to his side and convince her that you wanted to have him for yourself. He would catch you looking back at him wearily from time to time. He wanted to know so badly what those pretty eyes were hiding. But he needed to get a hold of himself. He needed to get you out of his head if he wanted to finish what he started. Maybe a brain be gone would help keep you away for a while until he finished up with her or he could go the more complicated route to create conflict between you two. The idea didn't seem so bad. He wanted to watch you break so badly, then finally put you back together piece by piece.

He enjoyed watching you in a domestic setting, you milling around trying to get things in order. It was almost endearing if it wasn't for the fact you were interrupting his meal. As much as he wanted you, he wasn't in the mood to complicate what he had started. Your sisters was a sure meal, you on the other hand needed more time and finessing to obtain. He was tired of difficult prey especially after not receiving sustenance even after putting so much work into them. Nothing was fulfilling enough anymore, the hunger never leaves him. He wondered what his soul was yearning for if not art?

He watches you enter your sister's room as you go to gently arouse her from her sleep. You come back into the kitchen a little while later to set up the table. He fully expected you to tell him to leave since he wasn't welcome or needed here but to his surprise you set the table for three without saying a word. Your movements had care and intent behind them almost everything you do did. You set up a nice array of food and set it out on the table after heating it. Your sister had just entered then taking his attention away from you. He had to put up an act again, to present himself as the ever caring love interest not that there was any love involved. But he fawned over her making her believe he cared for her wellbeing which served to annoy you further. As your sister tried to convince you that it wasn't his fault she wasn't taking care of herself. You had offered the meal freely to him, though a bit reluctantly. Causing something warm to bloom in his stomach. He watched you take care of your sister to make sure she was well fed and hydrated while glancing at him from time to time. He found your care refreshing, he could tell you wanted to make sure he too was enjoying the meal you had provided even though you tried to act nonchalantly. He almost felt bad about his plan to ruin your sister and possibly your own life….almost.

He had left soon after the dinner, sensing your glare. He ignored the Fae working at the front desk considering they were weak and harmless. They may have cowered slightly as he left the building. He smoked patiently on the side waiting for you to come out. He watched on as you finally did, blowing hot air into the chilly night. You were on edge for some reason and quickly made your way to your car. He realised why as you were pressed up against the car door by a boggart. Pesky creatures they were if you allowed yourself to feel fear that is. But you seemed determined to escape, maybe this would scare you enough from leaving your house for a while which would solve his own problem without him getting involved. But then he saw that thing trying to grab and undress you and everything turned red. Like a blood moon rising. His rage manifested around him like smoke and cobwebs. He was at the scene before he could stop himself. All he could think about was ripping that thing a new one. You had managed to throw it to the ground and stomp on its groin as he came into view. Your trembling, your scared face, your disgust at the creature fuelled him further to step on its neck as you watched in horror. But he didn't want to give it an easy death, no that would be unfair, that thing needed to learn a lesson. A lesson on not touching things that belonged to him. He leaned down to manifest the most blood curdling nightmarish vision he could conjure to plant in its mind. Its mouth opened in a silent scream from the pain and horror, as Soap snapped its neck before it could make any noise.

He watched as your mind descended into hell as you watched him approach after killing that monster. He saw you close your eyes in fear thinking he'd hurt you next. But how could he? Especially when you were trembling like a little wounded animal. Your breathing becoming labored and erratic. He cupped your face. His anger was still present but it wasn't directed at you; no it was directed at him for not being able to keep his emotions in check. For wanting to hold and comfort you while you trembled in his arms. But he needed to assert his dominance to make you fear him. That's exactly what he tried to do after getting you to open your eyes and made sure you weren't seriously hurt. He didn't want you thinking he cared for you in any sense. It backfired though because all fear seemed to evaporate from your body when he mentioned your sister. Your face grew stern and your backbone straightened. You looked like you were about to claw at his face so he decided to tap your mind away before you could try. He grabbed you as you passed out bringing you back to your condo. Surprisingly he was let in even with the Rowan branch hanging from your door, maybe because he wished you no harm in that moment he just wanted you to mind your own business and stop interfering with his food source.

He placed you gently on the bed and was about to leave when he came across your work room. He couldn't help but enter. You had many unfinished projects lying around but the ones that were finished almost felt like they were brimming with life and emotions. He traced his fingers on your recent paintings, they all conveyed a similar emotion, the pursuit of knowledge, a need to discover and unearth, a desire to learn and grow. He felt it in each brushstroke, your emotions were so embedded within it was hard to look away. But he managed to come to his senses and left to go back home, not before glancing at your sleeping form one last time. He needed to come up with a backup plan if you decided to remain a thorn in his side.

And a thorn you remained. He had received a text in the afternoon from Love when you had entered that seer's shop with your sister who had many of his recognizable hooks in her. In comparison to you who had absolutely no hooks at all. It was odd the first time he had noticed. He had chalked it up to you being a sink (as in a person with no magic so tethers just slipped off you) but that wasn't accurate since he did feel some magic from you just not alot. Maybe you were just an odd little human who didn't like being tethered.

Love said something along the lines of his food being taken away by an odd fae with magic that was a little all over the place. He wondered what Fae had the gall to try to take what was his. The description matched you. Which seemed ridiculous, he had just met you yesterday you had absolutely no trace of fae magic on you. Love may have just texted to annoy him. But his brain be gone didn't work if you were with your sister. Thinking back on it now you were wearing your Rowan choker so that may have been the reason why it didn't work. He was foolish to ignore that but again he wasn't thinking straight that night. You had a way with consuming his thoughts. He needed to see for himself what the situation was. You were becoming more and more difficult to deal with. He might have to resort to more hostile methods to get you to leave. So he texted your sister to meet so he could get the situation under control again.

He sees you from afar as he walks into the park. There's definitely magic in the air around you. Your magic was indeed all over the place; most likely governed by your emotions it seemed. Even Fae children were taught to control their magic better than you. After you started setting up the picnic blanket in a relatively secluded area, the air around you seemed to calm down. You probably felt safer away from people's watchful eyes. Soap didn't understand though, how you were able to go from hiding your magic completely to having zero control over it now. The only explanation would be if you had purposely hid your identity and now whatever magic you used wasn't working anymore. At least your appearance was mostly human so no one would be alarmed if they saw you in Fae form. He watched you with curiosity as you didn't seem to notice him approaching. You were too occupied with the arrangement of the food and your sister ignoring your questions to feel eyes roaming your body. Only when you heard his voice did you turn around to glare at him as your sister went to hug him. All the warmth and love you had held a second ago vanished. The magic in the air spiked as your emotional state because somewhat unstable.

"Ye put in quite th' effort 'ere", he says dodging your sister smoothly once he sees the iron ring on her finger a gift from you most likely. You just glare up at him as he smirked seeing your discomfort at his arrival. Your sister goes on about getting to know each other better which you ignore as your continued glaring. You clearly weren't happy to see him as you look at your sister for answers.

"This was supposed to be a picnic for the two of us", you whisper to your sister. She just shrugs saying the more people the better, and that she wanted you to get to know her boyfriend better. Though he didn't remember ever saying that they were official, but didn't bother to correct her since it served to annoy you further. For the next few minutes you didn't say anything while you continued to unpack the picnic as your sister swooned over Soaps every last word. You were trying desperately to keep your magic in check not wanting to draw more unwanted attention. The bitter taste of betrayal was sitting on your tongue but you didn't want to say anything to ruin this picnic with your sister so you stayed quiet.

Once everything was layed out your sister eagerly offered Soap some sandwiches and juice saying she put a lot of effort in making them. He caught the lie immediately but feigned ignorance. There was no trace of her care in the sandwiches or snacks. He could only feel yours as you continued to look busy getting your sketchbook out. He didn't want to get accidentally hooked to you by eating the food you made so said he wasn't all that hungry and he just wanted to spend time with your sister. Which caught your attention.

"We don't put a price or repayment on food, eat freely, my sister would feel upset if you denied her hospitality", you say devoid of emotions very deep in thought.

"Please eat something, I worked so hard to prepare all this", she says, scooting closer to him trying to graze his arm with the hand that had the iron ring on it. He moved away swiftly avoiding contact.

"Sorry lass, ah have ae nasty iron allergy, can't have ye touchin' me with that ring on".

She didn't even question what he said before she was slipping that ring off. "Oh! My bad! Let me take it off right now", you look at your sister with shock as you subconsciously rub the fingers you had used to put on the iron ring her. How could she just believe everything he said so easily!? Soap smirks at your reaction. You watch as your sister goes to offer him food again as she moves even closer to him. Not knowing what else to do you place your yellow primroses at the center of the picnic blanket where everyone could smell the sweet scent. The smell reached Soaps nose and he felt a headache coming on but he kept his composure as everyone ate and enjoyed the picnic. The smell paired with your sister's non stop talking was chipping away at his composure. He was finding it difficult to maintain his loving persona. He glanced at you while maintaining a tedious conversation with your sister who just wanted to talk about her prospects in becoming famous from her writing, also expressing interest in writing movies scripts. He smiled and nodded as you caught his gaze on you. You seemed on edge with your magic swirling around you as good as an indicator. You looked at him wearily waiting for something to happen or maybe for him to drop his mask. You glanced around the park gauging the danger he could possibly pose in public, probably thinking he wouldn't do much with so many people around. Which you were right about, he wasn't going to cause a scene in public. You were still on edge about your last encounter with him.

"I'm going to go over there for a bit to sketch", you tell your sister who was practically burrowing herself into Soap's side. She just nods as she continues to talk to Soap. You make your way towards a bunch of wild flowers as Soap watches your figure leave. He couldn't stand her talking anymore and that smell of the primroses was getting nauseating. He needed to get away for a bit to gain some sanity back. So he buttered up your sister with compliments and inspiration and told her to write down a couple of scenes she wanted to include in the screenplay she was writing. She immediately went into a daze getting out her notebook to write whatever was coming into her mind. Soap slipped away a little bit later when she was too occupied to notice his absence.

He scanned the area wondering where you wandered off to. He saw you crouched down to the level of a small group of children who were probably asking you to draw something for them. You had a gentle smile on your face as you drew whatever the kids asked for, as soap watched. He slowly approached, not wanting to disturb your little moment. You had your guard down smiling to yourself as you drew. The air around was light and your magic seemed to swirl around you and the children affectionately. He has never seen you smile so gently, definitely not at him anyway. He was right behind you as you handed the last drawing to a little child who just happened to be a Fae. The child smiled at you and handed you a stone with a hole in it. You tried saying you didn't require a gift in exchange for the drawing but the child insisted and ran off to go play with their friends before you could protest. Soap watched you turn the rock in your hand inspecting it. Your magic was still swirling around you, it had an almost childlike innocence to it. Soap couldn't help but reach out and feel it run through his fingers. You jolted when you felt him touch your magic and stood up abruptly turning around to face him. Your gentle smile was gone and you were on high alert again. You eyed his wearily wondering why he had followed you.

"It's ae hagstone", he says pointing to the rock in your hand. You look at it and lift it up to your eye and see if you can see anything different from the hole. You watch the children in the distance but nothing changes. You can only gather fleeting glimpses of peculiarity nothing different from your eyesight now. Soaps eyes you with curiosity wondering why you'd bother looking through the stone when all Fae have the sight to see the otherworld. Though you didn't come across as any other typical Fae. You didn't have hooks. Not even small ones. You gave things too freely for it to be considered normal. Even if you had lived mostly as a human for god knows how long. Most human he knew as least let tethers hook into them when they do someone a favour or give someone a gift. You wouldn't even allow that. Not every tether was meant to be repaid or cashed in. They often just served as a bond of trust between two people. Something you lacked. Your scent and magic operated slightly differently as well from normal Fae. It was very much dominant on your emotional state. Your scent had changed the second Soap had touched your magic. It went from a light sweet scent, like freshly baked goods to something a lot more dense, something a lot darker but the sweetness didn't completely leave. There was something intoxicating about the smell of your arousal and fear mixed together which had him leaning into the air around you, while you were distracted by the rock. You turned to look at Soap again when you felt his breath on your neck. A shiver ran down your spine bringing back the naughty thoughts you had when you first met him. You refuse to meet his eyes not wanting to fall into a rabbit hole of hedonistic thoughts.

"Fae don't need that tae see….something wrong with yer eyes?".

You don't respond as you put the rock in one of your pockets and make your way towards the wild flowers again. He follows you waiting for you to respond which you weren't going to do. You were still on edge but it was controlled now. Soap could see you trying to keep your composure as he watched you sketch the wildflowers, stopping to inspect them sometimes. You crouched down beside them as you take a closer look at the flower petals trying to understand their texture. Soap watches you with intrigue as he sees you imbed your emotions into every line on the paper.

"Say, why don't we make an exchange?". You look at him confused as he crouches down beside you.

"Ah will give ye some valuable info in exchange fur a drawing?"

"Valuable to whom?", you fire back.

"Ye'll find out once ye know", he gives you his best boyish smirk.

"I'll pass", you say standing up to move away from him. But he grabs your arm pulling you back towards him. You collide with his chest as he holds you close by your arms. He looks into your eyes deeply feeling your breath on his face as you look up at him shocked. All he could think about in that moment was smashing his lips onto your. Consuming the breath within your lungs as he pulled you against his body. But he knew you'd never give in so easily to him, so he controlled his urges. You two stay like that for a bit until he grabs you a little tighter when you try to escape his hold.

"Don't do that Bonnie", he says rubbing your arms up and down making you shiver from the unfamiliar touch. "Ah just haven't had a decent meal in a while, nae tae say yer sandwiches weren't lovely, they're just nae what ah typically feed aff", he says almost seeming innocent.

"Think o' it as feeding the ducks" he smiles genuinely down at you.

You gently pull away from him contemplating what he said. You could never refuse feeding someone when it was well within your means. You'd betray yourself if you did. You turn to a new page in your sketchbook thinking of what to draw. When a funny idea popped into your head. You draw a duck with a surprising likeness to him. You draw him with his signature mohawk feeding on a baguette. As you're finishing up the drawing you can't help but laugh to yourself at the absurdity of the drawing you were about to give him. Soap watches hold in a laugh as you draw, your walls not so high anymore. It was nice seeing you in this state. He wanted to see what you'd give him without him having to pour inspiration into you. He watches you move your pencil with intent and purpose creating something solely for him. You gingerly hand him the drawing when you were done trying to hide a mischievous smile on your face as you look at his reaction.

He takes the drawing not feeling any hooks imbed into him. You really were an anomaly. A hearty chuckle leaves his mouth as he finally looks at what you've given him. It was him in duck form chomping away at a baguette. You took his comment literally it seems. It's definitely the first time someone had drawn him in duck form, usually they prefer to draw his handsome face or toned body. He liked your mischievous side, it just gave him more incentive to want to 'punish' you. You smiled at his reaction thinking you did a good job at catching him off guard. Something warm settled in his stomach the longer he looked at the comical drawing. And seeing you smiled just made everything so much better.

"It's no Van Gogh but ah will gratefully accept it", he smiles to himself enjoying the moment.

The air suddenly shifts and your mood takes a sudden dip. Soap feels the change as he looks up from the paper. Your eyes are trained on your sister who is writing feverishly, you turn back towards him with hurt written on your face. Which you quickly mask with anger. The moment you two were sharing was quickly ruined.

"Let her go, I've already fed you", you say, keeping your voice eerily calm. But your magic was ready to attack him any second. You felt stupid for letting your guard down, especially knowing what kind of Fae he was. The air had shifted back to being that of anger and mistrust. Soap felt a sense of loss at the warmth he was just feeling a moment ago. He retreated back into his other persona, one that usually was very effective at putting fear in people. He put on a nonchalant air about himself as he simply nodded.

"Ah suppose ye'r right, ah will let her go today since ye wur so kind tae feed me", he says while withdrawing his magic from your sister.

You don't say anything else as you make your way towards her, she stops writing when you approach her and ask her if she's ok. She nods and says she just had a burst of inspiration she had to use to write down things for her screenplay. Soap not wanting to cause further tension decided to leave without saying goodbye to either of you. He tucked in the precious piece of paper he held into his jacket as he walked off. You watch him leave as your sister comes out of her daze. She immediately asks where he went and you tell her he had a personal emergency and had to leave. And that he had probably said goodbye to her but she might have not noticed it when she was in her 'writing zone'. She simply nods as you pack up the picnic and walk her back to her apartment. You ended up giving her the primroses telling her you forgot you didn't have any balcony room to keep more plants so it would be better if she kept them at her place. She was happy to receive the sweet smelling flower as you left to go back to your place.

You get home and unpack all your groceries as you decide what to bake for your best friend when you go visit her in an hour or two. You settle on blueberry muffins and go about your kitchen gathering ingredients. The baking served to calm you after your long stressful day. It took your mind off everything else as you focused solely on what you were doing. With the muffins in the oven you move toward the little gift you had bought your best friend, she would never let you pay for the tea or other things she would give you so you'd just leave her little gifts whenever you'd go to visit. This time you had found high quality saffron at the local spice shop. You thought it would come in handy in her spells if not she could use it in her cooking. You go to get some wrapping paper and ribbon to make the container look pretty and presentable. Once everything is done you pack the muffins away as you make your way to your car.

The drive over was relatively short since she didn't live too far away. But for some reason you felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt and sadness take over you. You stood at the front gate frozen for a few seconds not sure what to do anymore. The day was extremely taxing, especially trying to keep your magic in check. It was around four pm and the sun was still shining and the autumn leaves were swaying on the ground. You entered through the iron gate closing it behind you brushing off the slight sting. The wards engulfed you in an instant, like a warm hug from a loved one. Tears began streaming down your face uncontrollably. You finally felt safe again, not realising you were in flight or fight mode all this time. A warm feeling settled in your chest letting you know everything was going to be ok. You walk towards her front door on shaky legs. You knock twice waiting for her to open the door. You hear movement around the cottage and finally hear the door unlatch. She stares at you shocked, not expecting you to show up with red teary eyes. You stand a bit awkwardly trying to calm your tears as you hold up the container with muffins in it.

"I brought you muffins", you say shyly wiping your tears away. She just stares for a second trying to comprehend the situation that was unfolding in front of her.

"Your seal broke", she says finally ushering you in.

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howlingday · 1 month

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you remember that daddy arc story i did? how would you continue it if you were writing it? like teen dad jaune who's just trying to do right by his daughter now in beacon what changes in jaune's character and what changes in the story? (freeby mordred loves professor port because he tells some of the best stories she's ever heard.)

I'm assuming you are referring to this story.

So, let's start with where Jaune is now. Since he's raising this girl alone, that means that his family isn't available or even aware of Mordred's existence. Maybe tap into how Jaune came to find her, perhaps with her own memory of her daddy finding her. Then we'll explain how and why Jaune is at Beacon with his girl; did he sneak in, is he attending to gain some sort of benefit, and what does the Beacon staff have to say about all of this?

I've seen plenty of teen daddy Jaune stories, and unfortunately none of them last longer than a few chapters. Jaune's personality is always different and just from the first chapter, Jaune is very different from his canon self since he's raising a child in a world full of Grimm. And not only would Jaune change, but the rest of the cast would have to as well, or at least we see more of what kind of people around Jaune are like when faced with the aspect of helping raise a child. Those stories I mentioned earlier were almost always harem fics, though there's a rare exception of one.

Now, for my final suggestion, I ask this question; who is Mordred? How old is she, what does she like, what is her connection to Jaune, and so on? Introducing a child character is a great way to discuss certain aspects of the world of RWBY that isn't usually explored, that being what Remnant is like from the view of a child.

Hopefully this can help get the grease wheels turning in your head. Oh, and I like that Mordred loves stories. That's a neat, little trait to use when describing a character. Especially when it's a world so deeply tied to stories like RWBY is.

#rwby #my thoughts #daddy arc #rwby au #my advice #mordred arc

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saberamane · 1 month

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I would just like to share this lovely comment from someone on chapter 65 of 'We Were Born For This', it is just so great to see some just get it when you write something that isn't blatant or right in your face.

I've been binge reading this wonderful story over the past couple days, and when i got to this chapter i just had to comment. It feels almost like the culmination of... a lot of things desmond is overcoming, i don't quite know how to put it into words though i'll try (if it comes across awkwardly just keep in mind i absolutely adore this story with my whole heart, so it absolutely isn't intentional).

The way i'm thinking about it, is that we've been slowly watching desmond reclaim how to be a person, and this is one of the last Big Things that have been taken from him without any progress on overcoming it, so it feels like a big victory for desmond to find a way that feels 'safe' for him to explore this side of himself. While as an ace myself i'm fully aware sex isn't necessary for a fulfilling life, it is a completely different thing to have something forcibly stolen than it is to willingly give it up, so there's almost a feeling of pride in seeing desmond begin to grow past it. I also really liked the subtle dom/sub aspects you introduced, even if it was apparently an accident, because i've always felt like it was almost, natural, for things to go in that direction with characters like that. Let's see if i can put it into words, sorry if i ramble on too much...

Okay, so when you have that human weapon vibe from a character, it almost feels like having some sort of sub vibes (sexual or non-sexual) comes naturally, you know? Like, when someone has been built from birth to be nothing more than a weapon, with no wants or desires of their own, the idea of taking charge of themselves for no purpose other than to serve themselves would probably feel unnatural. Like, even when those characters heal and grow beyond just being nothing more than a weapon, that doesn't erase the past, doesn't change the fact that they feel more like they were /built/ than /born/, and that part of their being is always going to be there in the background. And it's its own kind of healing, to choose for yourself who you /want/ to guide and direct you, to willingly offer what was previously taken forcibly. To still be a weapon, but one wielded by gentle hands that you know would never hurt you, that doesn't even view you as the weapon you know yourself to be but instead considers you as the person with wants and needs you can only allow under their encouragement... still a weapon, but more than just a /thing/ to be used and thrown aside... the inherent eroticism of the weapon/wielder dynamic, is what i'm saying. I like my smut with a side of psychoanalysis, lol.

It was wonderfully executed as well, i must say. The smut was written in a wonderfully visceral way, and you could just feel desmond giving himself over so beautifully. Being a good soft dom apparently comes naturally to ezio, with his easy confidence and understanding of what desmond wants and needs, and sheer delight at providing it. Desmond being able to completely relax into it thanks to the mix of the pleasure (unfamiliar and taboo) with the feeling of being commanded (easy and safe). The shame and fear being countered by the comfort of a person he loves and wholly trusted being the one to guide him through it, turning it from something he's doing wrong and must be punished for, to something he's unquestionably doing right as ezio tells him how good he is for it, all while being considerate to hold himself back and not push desmond too far for his own wants and desires.

Basically, thank you very much for such a wonderful story, i am very happy to read this :)

#personal #assassin's creed #assassins creed #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #we were born for this fanfic #desmond miles #ezio auditore

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utilitycaster · 7 months

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the thing is, the accounts on cr twitter who have these wild takes aren't even shippers

they're all about nuance about the gods, aeor, ludinus, ruby vanguard.....but then have these extreme views about orym, say he's got bloodlust and pretty much equate him to a cop/military soldier

Hey anon! So I will admit as I have in the past that I largely avoid CR Twitter because I hate Twitter as a platform and the community of CR Twitter specifically (more below) but I will say the tweets I have seen have largely been from people who are, if not the most rabid of shippers, shippers. I did in fact just go there and click on "Orym" as it was trending, and the tweets to this effect are largely from people with black and purple hearts in their names. I don't think they're necessarily conscious that this is the reason why they try so hard to discredit Liam's characters (and I think the desire for Laudna to be a Traumatized Innocent rather than a person who has done her own share of harm is an even larger factor) but I do think it is part of it.

I should note: a significant point of reference for me is that the person who famously said "do not uwuify this" re Orym post episode 63 is Wally Wests on Twitter. Look, I know I use the word "stupid" a lot, and I'm trying to reduce it not because I think it's a problem to use but because it reduces the impact and also heavily implying people are stupid without outright saying it tends to be more effective on every level but god this person is the dumbest motherfucker in the fandom and I'm not even kidding. Like, they're the "Australian white person who writes like Rupi Kaur but worse" I've referenced. Because of The Algorithm they are weirdly popular in that space and it baffles me because I honestly don't understand why every single thing they say isn't just filled with replies saying "are you fucking stupid." Like I physically cannot understand how you can have a brain and read a single word they say and go "this is a person I should listen to." They are also not a big shipper, but they do like the ship from what I understand. Specifically on Tumblr, the people echoing this nonsense are pretty much shippers.

With that said yeah, I do think it's worth addressing the soldier aspect. First off, if we're talking cops, why is Bryce, pleasant but forgettable minor NPC, inexplicably popular in this fandom despite them being an actual crownsguard of an actual authoritarian government. Like are all fictional cops bastards or no (fwiw my opinion is no, because the context of the world in which they exist is extremely important; I'm just pointing out the inconsistencies)? But also...I've run into this with Worlds Beyond Number too, and it actually came up on the Fireside chat, but there are words people hear (empire, religion, soldier) and automatically go "BAD BAD BAD" and don't spend any time thinking about how we've come to these conclusions. And for what it's worth I think Empire is always ultimately going to be bad because of its source in conquest; religion is neutral with the potential to harm or hurt; and soldier is deeply contextual and inherently gray; but all are very valid things to explore in fiction, where the war crimes and abuses aren't real. I remember seeing a take about Candela Obscura shitting on how half the party is former soldiers, and like...the messaging of this season of Candela is undeniably about the immense psychological damage of war, and the soldiers were defending their home against a colonizing force rather than doing any sort of invading, but some people are so high on a paper-thin unexamined concept of what I presume they tell themselves is leftism that they cannot see that. Orym's husband did not die trying to invade a nation for their oil. He died because people trying to unleash a horror ran an attack on their town as a practice run. Orym's experience as a soldier has always been one of defense, never conquest or destruction, and that is important to understand. It doesn't mean that in the future Zephrah couldn't become an oppressive power (and various worldbuilding in Exandria does explore the idea of small community watches or protective guards growing deeply corrupt or expansionist over time, but god knows the people saying this shit have the lore knowledge of a dead pigeon), but the aspects of being a soldier he is engaging with are those of personal sacrifice and protecting one's own, not killing for resources or ideology (which, let's be real, is usually an excuse to take the resources of those you disagree with).

#answered #Anonymous #i've also now gotten like. 3 or 4 examples of how fucking BONKERS this cohort's cherrypicking is re: video clips #they cut off just before the thing that clearly contradicts their point starts. it would be funny if it didn't remind me so much of fox new #anyway uh. sorry anon for going on a rant this is why i don't go on twitter.#long post #cr tag

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callilysto · 1 year

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𝗢𝗣 𝗕𝗢𝗬𝗦 𝗫 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗦𝗠𝗔𝗡/𝗠𝗔𝗦𝗖!/𝗗𝗢𝗠!𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗘𝗥 (pt. 1): op boys with a dominant (s/o)

characters: law (💛; pt. 1), zoro (💚; pt. 2), & sanji (💙; pt. 3)

warnings & tags: mdni!, fluff, semi-suggestive undertones, implied slight age gap (3-5 years), implied taller reader, getting together, established relationship, slight dom/sub dynamics (both nonsexual and sexual aspects) if you squint.

a/n: this is self-indulgent as well as to soothe my gender fluidity (leaning masc) although its mostly gender neutral toned; been craving more dom!reader povs since and perhaps just pampering these men does things to me :) might open requests if ppl like more this content!! ♡

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💛 ⌦ 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗙𝗔𝗟𝗚𝗔𝗥 𝗗. 𝗟𝗔𝗪

He was honestly quite intimidated by you the very first time you both met, not in a sort of threatening way but more baffled by the charismatic nature you had that made law feel like he wants to just lay bare all his insecurities and worries. Internally melts into your presence.

Absolutely catches him off guard bc him? Trafalgar D. Law?? The captain of the heart pirates, surgeon of death, one of the warlords?? Cold, calculating, stoic Law?? Willingly wanting to open-up to someone he knew for at least only a week? Absolutely not.

You, on the other hand, find him fascinating and amusing. Definitely didn't think such a notorious man from the worst generation would be a fun person to poke and tease on. His ears reddening in frustration or being flustered was something you couldn't get enough of, really.

That said, Law—who's trying to avoid you like the plague—cannot shake you off during his stop in an island you just happened to wander into during your own conquest to explore the world. Luckily for you, you had something he needed for the crew and earned a spot in (despite his reasoning of it all being just pirate business, you both know something's up more than that)

Fast forward a year and a half later, you fit perfectly in the crew. you sort of take over as a sort of parent/older sibling figure to the rest, with Jean Bart and you vibing together the best as you both have similar roles in the crew's dynamic.

After some more wooing and persistence breaching through law's defenses around his heart, he's quite literally putty in your hands whether he admits to it or not. He can't help it, and you don't mind as you're more than happy to be of service and tend to your lover.

Never in a million years Law would have imagined he'd have anyone discipline him again ever since his childhood with his parents, but here he was following a sleeping pattern you set for him. He would be mad as he wasn't a child but he couldn't really find it in himself to say no to you, especially when you mean well.

"Law?"

He peeks up from his papers, already sensing a chiding tone underneath the adoring greet. You eyed him through the crack of the office's door, eyebrow slightly raising as you sighed. Law already knew what you were here for, and would normally just set things aside and follow you back to his chambers (it's also yours at this point, but Law doesn't mind), but he was crunching in time for his plans in Punk Hazard and securing connections to informants for Dressrosa. No one in the crew knew, and thankfully you didn't pressure him into sharing.

"Just a moment, (Name). I'll be there after i finish this.."

"And when is that?" you ask, fully inviting yourself inside and closing the door behind. You approach his desk, eventually ending up beside Law to study his papers. "I would love to help if only I could understand your writing.." you teased, hands reaching for his nape, brushing over his hair and kneading circles on his tense muscles. Law practically melts, leaning into the touch and eyes droop close, exhaling some of the built up stress.

"Come to bed, love. It's almost 2am." you smile at him, and Law almost gives in.

"I really need to get this done.." Law pleads with his eyes, face now fully directed up towards you, and he looks adorable like this, hair tousled and gaze sleepy.

"You can finish it once we wake up, and from what I heard from Bepo, we have at least 15 hours before we reach the next island." That left no room for argument for Law, but he's restless and the only thing that can clam him was knowing he had rechecked everything for the nth time and is 100% everything in his plan and back-up plans was set in place.

"I know that.. I just need to browse through everything quickly." With a sigh, you relent as you run your hand through his hair that has Law's worries wandering off into sleepiness.

"I'll stay with you then. I had quite a longer nap than expected." (Name) gave him a soft smile, and before Law could protest, you pick him up from his chair bridal style like nothing.

"Oi, (Name)!?—" he squeaked, then you sat back down on his desk chair, a flustered captain on your lap unsure of what to do or say next as he continued to hang on your shoulders. ".. What are you doing?"

"You're barely 10 minutes away from passing out on your desk rereading your notes.. let me be at least your personal chair, hm?"

You plan on carrying him to bed, which was a normal occurance at this point, but it was something Law was still not used to. This was the first time you were more persistent on keeping him company, as you would usually leave him alone and just pick him up later.

With some reluctance, Law loosens his hold on you and reaches back for his papers. He leans the side of his body against your chest, face just perfectly by the crook of your neck as he tries to get back onto his work mode with your presence.

Needless to say, you were distracting, and that probably was your main agenda anyways—to have him leave it for later. Law was still determined to get it done before giving in, but it was a helpless struggle. Your arms wrapped securely around his waist, thumb caressing a prominent hip bone through his hoodie (you had a fixation on his hips, and you knew it was a weak point for him), the stable rising and falling of your chest effectively lulling Law into succumbing into slumber.

You know it was a mission accomplished when he goes completely slack against you and his papers slipping out of his fingers. You smile to yourself, resting your chin on his head, settiing aside his notes and pulling him closer.

You kiss the top of his head. "Sweet dreams, love."

Law is someone that craves security, and he grew up learning that he can only have that through control of the situation. He does it for the crew's sake, pushing them away from direct danger. He would rather take the full brunt of the pain on himself than any of his crew members go through it. Law views this as his duty and doesn't think it has to change. The crew sees it, they know the love and care Law has for them runs deep enough to sacrifice his life for their sake.

You see that too, and completely respect him on that regard. You haven't seen any other pirate crew so far with such a caring captain. However, what you can't stand is the self-destructive nature festering along with his desire to protect. Despite being a doctor, Law barely prioritizes his health and well-being, shouldering more burdens than necessary instead of being open about his intentions to the crew.

You knew that Law doesn't like direct confrontation, questioning him about his plans. It seems.. personal, and it takes a lot more trust to get to that level. You want him to trust you so you could help him in whatever possible way. The first thing you could do for him is establish a healthy sleeping pattern at the very least. You prioritize his health when he puts it at the least of his worries.

So you give him that security, that you have his back where he falls short of and trusts you enough to take care of him. Your soothing touches and warm embraces that almost dwarfs him (your hugs are a big contender against Bepo's) was the ultimate solace he hasn't felt since Cora-san.

With you, Law could believe at least in these moments, he's safe from the world's cruelty.

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suffarustuffaru · 6 months

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We need more re:zero fanfics that are just characters being forced to go to therapy. Subaru is ordered by the Royal Knights to attend weekly sessions (that secretly double as interrogations, though due to patient confidentiality the therapist is only able to pass on information that regards other people being put in danger) and the therapist stumbles out of there every week needing a drink because trying to make something coherent out of a conversation with Natsuki Subaru concerning anything related to his fluctuating emotional state and the very obvious/mysterious trauma underpinning all of his actions is practically an Olympic sport — and that was before unearthing his self-harm habit, severe inferiority complex, and what may be suicidal tendencies. Reinhard is so emotionally repressed that he’s refusing to let himself feel anything even regarding having to face off against his grandmother’s corpse and his superiors keep walking back the meager process any sessions manage to make. Otto seems perfectly normal and then he mentions being willing to die for Subaru’s sake as soon as three days after he met him. Ram just sits there glaring for the full hour and a half. Wilhelm uses the time to express his latest revenge plot in very well thought out detail. Heinkel is such a horrible mess that I can’t even make a joke out of what he’d do to that poor therapist’s emotional state. Roswaal doesn’t seem to realize what therapy IS. That poor therapist is in Hell.

anon ive always wanted to see something like this for sure HAH its just such a fascinating idea?? especially when 99% of people in the rz cast desperately need extensive therapy 😭😭 but yeah theres different ways you could take an idea like this and the conditions you set are really interesting.

the idea of it being a therapist appointed by the government, essentially, who’s also there to gather information (but keeps at least some details hidden for the sake of their patients) so the government can keep a leash on certain characters (subaru and reinhard particularly) + subaru is still locked by rbd taboo of course is so fascinating to me. of course—is it ideal conditions for therapy? hell no lmao 😭😭 but its a super good in universe explanation as to why theyre getting therapy (other than all of them being Mentally Unwell)—and given the therapist and everyone in the cast minus subaru and al are working with medieval knowledge, the odds were not in their favors anyway oops. and this is assuming that the cast has the BEST THERAPIST IN THE FANTASY WORLD POSSIBLE for this!! haah theyve got a real difficult job ahead of them.

and also an idea like this is difficult to write. ive always wanted a “rz cast goes to therapy” fic hah but writing the FULL cast is tricky!! tbh id feel bad not including at least a good chunk of the cast in a fic like this given SO MANY of them desperately need therapy. and this idea is Extremely character focused—you have to know every character’s intimate traumas and flaws and personalities to pull this sort of thing off. its inherently in depth character exploration, and depending on how Good you want the therapist character to be, youd probablyyy have to do at least a bit of research (??) (unless you have personal experience in this department already??) there on. how to write a therapist? but thats just me getting fixated on the practical aspects of this wkdndn this is definitely why we havent really seen much fic on this sort of idea yet. i think itd work really well as a collab though, possibly!! you can devote a therapy session to one character per chapter or something and mix it up later the further it goes on <3 or at least thats my idea for this at the moment. i think one therapy session per chapter would be very good leadup though in a Hypothetical Fic about this, and you then have the time to explore each character in depth and introduce each of them!!

ok as for the examples you gave anon—HAH yeah thats a good summary for sure 😭😭 again, this is interesting because these are Not good conditions for therapy.

they all think with their medieval knowledge. subaru cant talk about rbd and everything related to it, which is his biggest core trauma. reinhards superiors dont want him to improve because hes their perfect malleable obedient weapon right now and they chose to break him like that. they probably wont want heinkel to improve much either, given theres implications that people like russell fellow purposely helped make heinkel Worse (such as the false rumors that he kidnapped one of the royal familys kids). and also regarding characters like heinkel—he wont improve if he doesnt get some sort of rehab on top of the therapy akdnd and he wont improve if he doesnt make an effort either. and also i know theres characters like petra who are way more normal compared to everyone else and shes not in dire need of therapy unlike everyone else, but id argue petra should at least have a check up because girl is a twelve year old thats been shoved into life threatening events recently okay 😭😭 AND the astreas are gonna need some hardcore family therapy wkdndn theyll just need individual sessions first to work up to that……… but will the kingdom really allow that to happen either?

yeah so the therapist is in for a reckoning in general 😭😭 with the plot you gave anon—if the therapist genuinely tries their best, this could result in some friction. the therapist hears out all these big important people related to the royal selection—roswaal, the astreas, various other emilia camp members, and people from other factions im sure (such as julius, joshua, ferris, crusch, etc)—but the therapist is held back from fully helping all of them because the kingdom keeps them all on a leash, including the therapist themselves. will the therapist succumb to what the kingdom wants and ensure they never improve past a certain point? or ensure they never improve at all?

it creates this overarching plot to an otherwise standard premise i think—and theres a bittersweetness because the therapist cant fully help them as it is right now. and its hard to help characters like subaru and reinhard who are Incomprehensible in their own ways. even in the fantasy world with its Wide Range of dangerous traumatic events tinged with magic, subaru and reinhard are absolutely outliers. plus as i said earlier, some characters Want to improve so badly and will try their best to do so (such as emilia) and some might not have much desire to even try (such as heinkel). everyone in the cast have their own goals, motivations, and a lot of them to some degree will be unreliable narrators either purposefully or accidentally or unwittingly. the otto example you gave anon is so true because i an SO sure his ass would pretend to be normal bc he doesnt want to be there only to accidentally reveal hes not 😭😭😭 joshua is another good example bc of his hate love relationship with his brother and how he tries to conceal it by gaslighting himself into worshipping his brother’s every move and trying to live vicariously through him (joshua also hates reinhard too but pretends not to so theres that too) 👍👍👍 and also emilia and reinhard are examples of characters whove been taught the absolute WORST lessons in the world so youd have to get into unravelling that 😭😭 like theyre both afraid to be closer to others out of fear of hurting them, they have issues regarding what people see them as and what people expect them to be, learned powerlessness, terrible father figures, guilt complexes, being blamed for things that arent their fault, also the fucked up family history, etc etc. there is SO much baggage HAH.

and again, the poor therapist is getting a bunch of rz main characters and crucial side characters—many of them are well known in some way, or important political figures, and they ALL got the most buck wild stories so the stakes are Very High😭😭 itll be a fun ride im sure!! but i do think this idea is super super neat. id love to explore each and every character and all their nuances—i think a fic like this would only really fully work if youre sympathetic towards everyone, but youre not afraid to get them for their faults too. wilhelm, heinkel, roswaal are good examples. clind too by proxy, given frederica needs to get away from his ass too (RAM ALSO NEEDS TO GET AWAY FROM ROSWAAL ISTG.) and again, a fic like this requires in depth knowledge of all these characters or the premise can fall apart a bit—this is a fic all about exploring their deepest traumas after all <3

but yeah anyway i too am in dire need of a rz cast goes to therapy fic anon!!! T^T thank you for the ask i will continue to think on this idea 🙏

#rezero #ask #URGHH this is such a fun idea i love it so much but the execution of it would be super hard. itd be interesting though!!#and ALSO for characters to start baring their souls at least a bit the therapist would have to try and earn their trust!!#so probablyyy multiple sessions of course….#and im sure some of them will try to back out of it but it might end up as Mandated Therapy Sessions anyway akdnd #OH YEAH so a multichapter fic with various characters and Multiple therapy sessions. perfect.

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orange-orchard-system · 7 months

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hi i hope this isnt weird. saw a mut rb your 'creative folk having characters talk to them' post and now im like of like. Oh.

ive had some plural friends clock me as 'vaguely plural' / had people assume i'm a system so im like. im having a 'perhaps my experiences are in fact, not universal' moment.

ive just never felt like it fits the bill for plurality, because ive always had a pretty tight grip on 'me' being the pilot / dont have altars switch out/in to talk like i see so often. its complex definitely but i guess im asking if there's any good resources for someone like me :?

(you can answer this privately or publicly, i dont mind either way)

Hi! Not weird at all. I see this somewhat often when people come to me about questioning if they're plural, and I think it comes from a lack of information about just how varied plurality can be. So, let me go over what your situation reminds me of.

Firstly, yes, there are resources for what you're talking about – and communities, too. There are plenty of systems who rarely or never switch, and they're called specutien systems and/or systems with P-DID (Partial Dissociative Identity Disorder). These systems may not experience full switches – as in, a total loss of control followed by someone else having full control – but they may experience switches where someone else has partial control, or are otherwise "close enough" to be able to communicate/affect them in some way without taking any control. These are known as co-fronting and co-consciousness respectively, and it's specifically what "talking to your characters" reminds me of.

There's also, of course, the possibility that you are experiencing full switches and are just forgetting due to amnesia, but if you don't have noticeable memory issues (noticeable by yourself or others, I should note, since the fun part of forgetting is you forget that you forgot), this probably isn't something to be too concerned about. If it is and/or you want to cover all your bases, try keeping a regular journal and see if there's any large gaps you can't explain.

Honestly, I recommend the journal for general purpose, too. It's a very useful tool for communicating, especially if you can't or don't switch; you can write down what your alters say to keep track of conversations, making sure you don't forget or mix up what was said, and use it as a sort of "evidence book" to yourself, especially if you add in other little details that support the idea that you're plural (such as, in your case, others assuming you're plural, too). Even if you've talked to your alters before, learning to talk to them as alters can be a new challenge to get used to, so try what techniques catch your eye and don't be afraid to take your time figuring yourself/ves out.

Of course, there's always the possibility that you're not plural, in the end, but hey, you're looking to learn something, ain't ya? Whether you are or aren't plural, you'll learn more about that aspect of yourself, and probably learn more about systems along the way.

To recap: specutien, P-DID, co-fronting, co-consciousness. Those are the four things I recommend you most look into, but you may find other topics or terms that you think may also fit you, so don't be afraid to explore those. Just looking up those terms on Tumblr will get you some folks talking about their own experiences, but there's also Pluralpedia as a wiki for plural terms, and at least two, maybe three, of those terms have been mentioned in academic and clinical papers about plurality, if you want to read those.

Hope this helps! Good luck figuring out yourself/ves!

#front soup.txt #asks

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barmadumet · 8 months

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Ahsoka Episode 5 Spoilers Below!

Okay, I’m going to do something I never do, and I don’t think ever have done – I’m going to do the “take” thing – put my opinion online. I don’t like to do this, because I feel like there is ALWAYS someone opposed, and I just don’t want any bad energy revolving around my beloved escape from reality.

For the last twenty-two hours, I have been profusely hitting the ❤️s on other posts, jumping up and down and hugging people, and basically just doing the equivalent of shouting, “ANAKIN!!!” but I’ve yet to really try to discuss Episode 5, because, quite frankly, it’s just been too freaking emotional for me! I have all these feelings that I don’t know how to sort out, and I've honestly felt like I could burst into tears at any given moment, all day long. I went through this with the Obi-Wan Kenobi series, and I remember I felt literally insane for a WHILE. Perhaps, I should’ve written something like this back then – writing is my outlet, after all.

So, here we go. . . I don’t have many followers, and I know many people won’t read this, but I just need to get it out!

A couple of weeks ago, my dear friend, Wibz asked me, “What kind of story do you like? What kind of fic do you like to read?” I replied sappy, mushy, hurt/comfort, of course. I told her I like dialogue – dealing with emotional ups and downs - HEALING. I told her I liked fix-its and time travel, and I specifically said I like seeing into ‘what could’ve been’ scenarios, and I mentioned by name the movie, “It’s A Wonderful Life.” And the thing I really love about that movie is the ability to visit the past. I like stories that take us back – and not just as a flashback, but a present character being able to look at their past and reflect. You probably know where this is going by now, but the way we finally got our long-awaited Clone Wars ‘flashback’ couldn’t have been more perfect in my opinion.

And the thing that has made me the most emotional through all of this was simply seeing that first battle in live action. I will admit, upon viewing the first two episodes of Ahsoka, I felt the show might’ve been better presented in Rebels animation. Well, I can now, happily admit I was wrong.

We saw the brutal beginnings of the Clone Wars at the Battle of Geonosis in Attack of the Clones, and we see the heart-breaking conclusion and the end of the war in Revenge of the Sith. My personal opinion is that we have been very fortunate to get a great show about the time in between, however; being short, animated (directed at a younger audience) episodes, there are emotional aspects that are rushed through and not fully explored. If you’ve read my insanely long fix-it fic, then you know that it carries through these Clone Wars episodes that I love so very much, BUT in writing it my own way, I was able to put in all the drama I wanted to see – the breakdowns, the tears, a deeper look into the trauma of fighting in a war. And yes, there have been some amazing Star Wars novels that do this, but again, seeing it in live action. . . seeing just how young Ahsoka really was, seeing her mourn the injured and deceased clones. Having her and Anakin address the fragility of life and getting to hear that conversation about it. . . Now the viewing audience has a grasp on just how bleak this time period was. I didn’t know how bad I needed to see this – a human turned Togruta actor conveying those destroyed expressions and defeated body language. The impact was more than I expected, and it wouldn’t have been the same in animation.

The other super tear-jerky part for me was the theme of ‘Live or Die’ ‘Fight or Die’ . . .I can’t let myself get into too much detail about this, but if you know me, and you know my story, then you know. Great. I’m crying again 🤷🏻‍♀️ This was just such a powerful message for ANYONE struggling in any aspect of their life, and it sincerely helped me to rise another day, and will be a continued reminder, probably for a while.

You all know how much I love Anakin (and Obi-Wan), and so much of the hype is revolved around his character right now, but this personal journey we find Ahsoka on is truly beautiful to me. I was honestly uneasy about the way Ahsoka was portrayed, thus far, in our other series. She didn’t feel like Ahsoka to me. I accepted and understood that her character had been through much in her short life, and that much time had passed since we last saw her and she would've evolved, but overall, I honestly (😬) didn’t much enjoy what we got of her in live action. I kept my expectations for this show at the minimum. I try not to predict what might happen in canon Star Wars, because I never want to set myself up for disappointment. I strive to go in with an open mind and a clear head and just enjoy the show. But I’ll admit, I was hopeful for Ahsoka’s character development in this. . . and so far, I find myself satisfied. It has now been acknowledged how severely Anakin’s turn impacted her – that was a necessity in my opinion, because of course it did. And it’s still unfathomable to me, but I feel like we got to witness her getting her closure with Anakin 😭 At the end of episode 5, I was finally getting the Ahsoka vibes I was longing for. And let’s not ignore just how ’Ahsoka’ she was in the past scenes with Anakin! I was in awe of how her different animated fighting stances over the years translated into live action. It was her! And this is probably a great time to also mention: that was Anakin, too! In the beginning, we saw him on that World Between Worlds walkway training Ahsoka – the orchestrated footwork, the lack of aggression . . . It felt like the Anakin we see in the lightsaber kata training video Ahsoka watches in Rebels! We have not seen this in live action! We have not seen Anakin as a Master to an apprentice! 🥹 And again, I didn’t know how bad I needed that. Later, when we are taken back onto that WBW walkway, we see him fighting like we’ve seen in Revenge of the Sith. It’s Vader! And he’s so pissed and intends to kill! I won’t spend too much time gushing the way most already have – the Sith eyes, the flawless ROTS attire we already loved given back to us, and the Clone Wars look brought to life. . . the hair 😍 Just seeing him, Hayden Anakin, fight in a Clone Wars battle in live action! So strong and mighty 💪🏻 with such determination and sensitivity. . . with just the right amount of cockiness 😉 He’s perfection. And I think this is noncontroversial opinion everyone would agree with lol.

And maybe you do or don’t agree with this part, but I feel Anakin’s appearance was 💯 open to interpretation, and I think that’s GREAT. This character means so much to so many people, and there is never a way to satisfy everyone when it comes to storytelling. Everyone had/has different opinions of how this should’ve been handled. Was Anakin a Force ghost? Was the entire encounter all in Ahsoka’s head? Was Anakin something else entirely? Was he Vader? Maybe you have an answer to this question and you are certain in your theory – that’s awesome. I think that’s the way it should be. We get to “make things the way we want them to be” WITH CANON! 👏🏻 I am not yet certain of what my own theory is. I’ve watched it four times, and I am still processing it all. One thing for sure, I’m glad the WBW was involved. Again, if you know of my preferred way to ‘fix-it’ then you know what that means to me 🥰

I think I’m done 🫣 I just needed to release these feelings! And I feel we are so blessed. I still can’t believe this really happened. And I am so thankful to get to share in the joy with all of you 💖 Okay! I think I’m ready to talk now if y’all want to talk! 🤭

#ahsoka spoilers #a barma take?#that hasn't been done in the history of tumblr #hope you aren't insulted #this is basically a review I guess?#ANAKIN!#FEELINGS!#AHHH!#I love the feelings

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