#i want to love it i really do | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

big-idiot-wolf-boys · 10 months

Note

Hi! I saw your tags on the poll and I was wondering if you could talk a little bit more about why you dislike living in the PNW? I've been trying to move there so want to get a local's opinion. Ty :)

Oh shit i don't want to do anything to shatter your dreams but be warned this is the one topic i am very bitter and jaded about. Please ask someone else too because while I hate living here other people DO love it and you should make an informed decision!

Being said.... here we go. I've lived in the Seattle adjacent area my whole life. In fact my family has been in the area for six generations and all of us hate it here more than the previous generation as we've watches the area develop. Maybe I just come from a bitter and jaded family. Maybe my specific town or county is the problem. I don't know. I'm not going to break this into bullet points or organize my thoughts or anything I'm just going to ramble.

But as the years go by, everything has gotten more expensive. But despite the raise in sales and property taxes, the area is less and less maintained. The roads are abysmal. The Public works projects such as maintaining shrubbery to ensure sidewalks follow ADA clearance and pedestrians can be seen, have been thrown to the wayside. The schools and other public buildings arent maintained and often just get replaced after they start falling apart. Every year there is less of a welcoming feeling to the area. Every year beloved businesses and entertainment venues are closing down and being replaced with churches and bars. Conservatives are creeping into the area and shutting down YMCAS, qanon maniacs are being voted into mayoral office. I have personally ripped down pro nazi flyers at the ELEMENTARY SCHOOL here. The drug problem is seemingly unstoppable. Regularly there are reports of millions of dollars of coke and fentynal being seized by the feds. People are dying every day in large quantities from the drugs. Ive watched a lot of people i love lose themselves to drug induced psychosis. Thefts and burglaries and violent crime related to drugs are rapidly on the rise. 1/3 of my hometown is unhoused and thats only people who have reported/admitted to it. Not counting couch hoppers and people trading work for housing at hotels. The schools are getting worse by the year. The elder of my two younger brothers graduated because they were giving out answers to end of year exams to boost their graduate stats, probably because of previous drop out rates. 23% of MY graduating class, including myself, dropped out because the quality of the education was so awful they just got GEDs instead. Violent crime is on the rise, especially around notable twilight locations such as Forks and Port Angeles. The numbers vary but in my specific town you need to make a minimum of 27/hour to afford a single bedroom apartment. If you can find a job that pays that much or an apartment. Good luck because it's not very likely. Last summer a woman asked a community page the same thing and specifically asked for info on what the area is like for teens. She ignored a lot of comments about the negatives from teens themselves and moved here anyway. This summer she posted her son has gotten into drugs and run away from home. I hate to say it, I know it's tasteless, but she should have listened. Cause and effect maybe. I hope her kid comes home safe. I also hope she learned a lesson about not ignoring advice when she asks for it.

I stay here because my family is here. My partner's family is here. Our jobs pay decent. But if I were single and impulsive, I'd bail the fuck out of this state as soon as I could.

Yes, it's beautiful here. Yes, there's cool festivals and parks and museums. But the PNW is not the land of dreams or opportunities unless you have a lot of money and resilience to facilitate it.

Make the choice that's best for you, anon. But please don't forget the negatives because you can easily get sucked into a life of drugs and poverty.

#not twilight #thanks for asking!#anonymous #v talks #i am so sorry about how angry and bitter this sounds #i am really trying to not spew negatives and trying to reframe my mindset about this place #i want to love it i really do #but i am also sick to death of seeing people act like the pnw is only good

3 notes · View notes

inkskinned · 9 months

Text

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

46K notes · View notes

greykolla-art · 2 months

Text

Charlie: “I’m so glad my most villain-coded friend is at full power again! 🥰💕”

*throws this to you angst goblins like raw steak* ❤️

(No I will not do a part 2!❤️)

#grey art #hazbin hotel comic #hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #hazbin alastor #alastor #auntie grey needs to take a nap now Jesus Christ #I’m really happy this fixation is pushing me to do grand comic projects like this- but I’m TIRED.#😂😂😂#my theory is that alastor wants Charlie’s soul cause she’s insanely powerful or special #and she could probably take him out in one strike #but she would never do that cause she is so sweet and lovely #she’s like a gentle giant in terms of power #but she’s not stupid or childish or meek #she’s such a compassionate leader and good friend I love her so much #and then there’s alastor with his manipulative charismatic energy #I think he’ll underestimate her in the end #man i’m so tired #hazbin hotel fanart

15K notes · View notes

eyes-of-nine · 3 months

Text

pls assume i'm thinking about this moment 24/7 all week every week

#ahsjgdh i love the young xianle quartet sm they're almost barely not traumatized...kinda #they're very silly especially in retrospect #aaa i do also really want to draw young xie lian and mu qing but the idea of rendering that much gold detailing sounds like hell ywy #i'll do it but christ alive #my art #fanart #tgcf #tgcf fanart #tgcf spoilers #technically #also i haven't read past book 3 for now ywy #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #feng xin #hua cheng #...he gets one tag bc i'm not keeping track of all the aliases #every time i draw hc his hair gets worse and worse #my man has not seen a hairbrush in the past 800 or so years of his existence

7K notes · View notes

spiderversegf · 3 months

Text

i have started asking myself “how can i make this more fun?” in regards to the things i have to do and it is such a small difference but it brings me so much delight

#🍜#sagittarius posting #but really like i just let myself stim however i want and i let myself do my weird silly harmless stuff #i used to be sooooo self conscious even when all alone! so this has been making me feel braver in a weird and unexpected way #i love joy i will never stop seeking it out!!!#ok to rb #🦠

6K notes · View notes

mumblesplash · 4 months

Text

in honor of last season’s poem being called “”end poem”” (all quotes mandatory) this season i made one out of pieces of the actual end poem

#letting me just download the minecraft font? for free? a mistake #if you or a loved one have been suffering from RED TEXT you may be entitled to compensation #my art #god at this point i really do need a writing tag don’t i #<- will continue not addressing this #secret life #goodtimeswithscar #grian #secret life spoilers #sorry tumblr user livvi3love for not making one with all the deaths again #if you (or anyone) did want to illustrate this one as well you’re more than welcome to but i am not expecting anything #i can do an explainer thing again like i did last time but that is for tomorrow #right now i am just. very tired #but for now i will confirm yes the colors Matter #i literally made this on accident against my will #i was trying to DRAW

5K notes · View notes

chewaai · 1 year

Text

As Welcome to Night Vale is gaining another burst of popularity, I do wish to send out a warning to people who are very sensitive to psychotic episodes: be careful if you want to listen to it

If you're the type of person who has #unreality blacklisted, don't listen to too many episodes in a row/maybe avoid it all together?

Stay safe <3

#I love wtnv and I don't want to scare off people with a strong sense of reality #but when I first listened to wtnv about 8 years ago I did really mess up my sense of reality #wtnv #cecilsweep #welcome to night vale #cecil palmer #also you know yourself better than I do so do whatever works for you

29K notes · View notes

sysig · 4 months

Photo

Permission to headbutt: Granted (Patreon)

#My art #UT #Sans #Papyrus #Ft. something smol and I do on a regular basis ♪#This could be Handplates or it could be classic Undertale I leave that up to you lol #I definitely picked up a lot of the style quirks lol - but there are some of the ones that I like myself! Like Papyrus' darkmode clothes lol #And Sans' shorts having the stripe in the front haha - little details ♫#Realistically it probably is Handplates tho just based on where my head's at lol - I love the Handplates dynamic :D #Handplates #I talked myself into it! Pfft ♪#I found myself relating a lot to Sans especially while rereading - I want nothing more in the world than for my siblings to be happy! <3 #So I gathered up a bunch of ideas of things especially me and smol do together and this was the most obviously cute one haha #Easiest to do! Tho I did still go a little extra on this lol #I'm trying to do more digital stuff ♪ It wasn't the best art day and I'm still a little nervous to jump right in :')#Not doing any sketches on paper beforehand feels weird but I guess it is thematic in a way lol #And I'm still pleased with how they turned out hehe #It really does feel nice to be drawing them again <3 #And doing silly sibling things! Hehe #I dunno how clear it is since it's so ingrained into how smol and I talk to each other lol family language!#One of us will literally just announce ''bonk'' and the other will prepare for/lean in for a headbutt haha #She is a tiny bit taller than me - it's not quite /this/ extreme but she does lean down for me! S'cute <3 #I like to think Papyrus would do the same hehe ♪ Let your lazy brother headbutt you! He can only reach so far!#On minimal effort anyhow hehe #It's just a fun way to be silly together ♫♪#Also yes I did show this to her and she cosigned lol - ''Cute'' -smol

4K notes · View notes

licollisa · 11 months

Text

Three Earthlings

In which Sans was a dinosaur kid instead of a space one (.)

#i always wanted to redraw that painting #anyway i packed so many details on that first pic #3 pride flags in total and i designed a whole ass surface monster school logo in canva #and sans is wearing a cloud patterned cardigan cus do you really love him if you don't make him a pinterest girl #undertale #sans #frisk #babybones #lico arting #the deal was they don't try to learn each other's lore again lmfao

9K notes · View notes

mienar · 14 days

Text

small town buzz

instagram | shop | commission info

#artists on tumblr #animated illustration #illustration #backgrounds #animated gifs #cozy rooms #background illustration #animation #myillust #hellooo! just wanted to share this artwork i made! this is totally fresh from the oven phew #ive always adored the idea of living/being in a low-density flat in a small town #it's such a niche thing LOL but i think about it a lot kfnjdndf #this is really more of a self-indulgent artwork i suppose #anyways!! i do hope you'll like it! :3 and i hope you'll have a lovely day/night ahead!

2K notes · View notes

whyamihereat4am · 7 days

Text

my favourite thing about chuuya nakahara is that he's just kind of. chill. about everything. he's like, my tragic backstory has no hold on me, i went to therapy and i'm all good now. i'm a bad guy cuz it pays good and my found family happens to be here. what do you mean that's not a good reason, you a cop or something?

someone will betray him and he'll go ok well that's pretty upsetting. they probably had a good reason though. i'll forgive them if they let me get a good punch in. if they're really just a hater they're giving me bad vibes and i don't wanna deal with 'em at all tbh.

things have been done to him that would warrant a lifelong crusade of revenge for anyone else, but for chuuya nakahara it's just, that was super not cool but i'll let it slide if you get therapy with me.

chuuya is down for any crime and thinks moral boundaries are for losers and stuff but he's the nicest guy in the port mafia when it comes to not mistreating his subordinates and probably helps old ladies cross the street. he shows up for a solid 10-20 minutes of screentime per season and makes all the fans fall in love with him while doing the bare minimum, and despite technically being a villain i don't think he's worked against the agency a single time (although to be fair this is often not on purpose). he also does the bare minimum every time he's asked to help in-universe and clearly isn't even trying, and he sweeps anyway because he is ridiculously overpowered and could probably kill literally everyone if he actually wanted to, and i just. no one is doing it like him. you go you unbothered king.

#i haven't gotten around to reading stormbringer yet (although i have read some spoilers) so this may not be entirely accurate #but these are the vibes i get from him from what i do know and i love them #guy who could probably destroy or take over the entire world if he really wanted to but he's too cool for that #he just wants to day drink and look fabulous and make lesbians swoon #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd chuuya #chuuya nakahara

1K notes · View notes

inkskinned · 5 months

Text

in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!

they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.

they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.

you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.

but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.

where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.

and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?

doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.

but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.

what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.

just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?

your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.

#spilled ink #warm up #writeblr #this is about someone specific but feel free to blorbo on main.#tbh this is familial for me so that is an element but it's also about childhood best friends #and probably about ur enemies to lovers blorbo #(but i want to specifically say if ur partner is like this. not necessarily a good partnership lol.)#(the dynamics at play in familial/friend relationships feel equally important and in some ways are HARDER to escape.#bc we can see that this is a potentially toxic romantic foundation.#but in family ? ...... it's toxic and it doesn't stop u from loving them. bc u always have.#and i think that makes it harder. by a lot. which is what this is referencing).#but genuinely and really truly forever feel free to tag ur potentially toxic enemies to lovers on this and all my poetry #here i'll do one for u - adora & catra :x

8K notes · View notes

lizkreates · 11 months

Photo

Black Coffee & Donuts ☕ 🍩

~A Trigun fan comic~

(Image description under cut)

[ID: PAGE 1 Panel 1: Wolfwood and Vash sit at a bar counter just as they’re finishing breakfast. Wolfwood annoyed, is hunched over grasping his coffee mug as he pushes Vash’s face away, who is playfully waving a chocolate sprinkle around. Dialogue: Vash: “Try a donut? Come on, they have sprinkles on the today!” Wolfwood: “Forget it, Spikey!”

Panel 2: Close-up of Vash’s hands breaking the donut into a smaller piece, crumbs flying in the air.

PAGE 2: Panel 1: Vash, drawn in chibi style, reaches over and gently places the donut piece on Wolfwood’s empty plate, utensils resting on the side. Wolfwood, holding his hot black coffee, looks over his glasses annoyed. Dialogue: Vash: “Just a piece?”

Panel 2: Close-up of Vash with pleading eyes and an innocent smile asking “Do it for me?”

Panel 3: Dialogue: Wolfwood: “Okay, but only if you try black coffee.” Vash: “You got yourself a deal!” Wolfwood and Vash toast their coffee mugs in agreement.

PAGE 3 Panel 1: Wolfwood, eyes closed, begrudgingly puts the donut piece in his mouth and eats it. Dialogue: I don’t get what’s so great about this.

Panel 2: Wolfwood looks over to Vash, who is cartoonishly dumping the entire cup of hot coffee in his mouth. He snaps at him “What are you doing?!”

Panel 3: Vash yells, “HOT HOT HOT!!!” Steam rises out of his mouth, and tears stream down his face as he waves his mouth with both hands in an attempt to cool it down. Wolfwood shouts, “You idiot! You’re not supposed to drink it all at once.”

Panel 4: Wolfwood calms down, now concerned if Vash burned himself, and asks “Are you okay?” Vash leans over and chugs a pitcher of water and answers “Mm-mm.” (Which is uh-huh mumbled.)

PAGE 4: Panel 1: Close-up of Wolfwood’s lower face, as he takes off his glasses, no longer concealing part of himself. “Sorry, I should have warned you.”

Panel 2: Wolfwood looks down remorsefully and cradles his coffee mug with both hands. “You need to respect it. Nurse it slowly, let it cool down. Savor the bitter taste.”

Panel 3: Close-up of Wolfwood’s eye in surprise. “It sounds just like you,” Vash observes.

PAGE 5: Panel 1: Wolfwood lights up and laughs, “Ha it sure is!” Panel 2: Vash lightly blushes and smiles softly looking at Wolfwood’s contagious grin. He got him to smile, a win.

PAGE 6: Panel 1: A view from behind, we see Vash and Wolfwood from the back as they continue their banter. Vash sits like a gay, legs everywhere, and Wolfwood straight like a proper Catholic boy. Vash asks “How’s the donut?” Wolfwood responds, “It’s sickeningly sweet…actually it reminds me of you.” Vash blushes, “Aw, Wolfwood! You called me sweet~” Wolfwood denies it, “N-no I didn’t…!” Kuroneko, a black cat, sleeps at the foot of Wolfwood’s bar stool. End ID.]