#i was in a little angsty mood 🥰

[edgeray]

Arlecchino is a cold person.

(Arlecchino x Reader Blurb)

It's no suprise to anyone. It is simply an objective fact of the matter. She is aware of this. The House of the Hearth is aware of this. The Fatui are aware of this. It's ironic given the nature of her vision, but it nonetheless rings true despite the fire she possesses on her blackened fingertips. She is callous and curt, and underneath her skin there is nothing except frigid ice that envelopes her being like a fitted coat. She speaks with no warmth, acts with the absence of heat, exists in a constant state of cold emptiness--a state in which there is a void inside of her, as if sucking all that is human of her.

Years ago, when she was just a child of the same orphanage she headed, she had naive thoughts of finding companionship, someone who would provide the warmth she sought on lonesome nights. She was barely just an adolescent who dreamed of lying in someone's arms, feel the heartbeat of another so surely, it would remind her that she was indeed alive. For even the briefest of moments, she yearned for someone who would, if not shield, then distract her from the cruelties of this world. She had shed those foolish wishes aside. In the House of the Heart that she was raised in, such notions were admonished, in fact, the wishful thinking was one of the reasons she had nearly lost her life. Never again, she had promised to herself, when she mercilessly beat the backstabber. It was then that she believed when the time came, her tale would end the same way as it began for her: alone. As the years of being a Fatui, then becoming a Fatui Harbinger, hardened her, there was comfort in that view.

That is what she believed in. Until you came.

Iciness wraps her being. It is present in her expression, in her words, in her touch. But that is exactly why she finds solace in your being. Her vision could only grant her a synthetic flame, but, you, you're an everlasting hearth. She melts in your embrace every time she slots herself in your arms, as it feels like a kindling ignited in her heart. It is only with you, that she learns how warmth can be found in.

Arlecchino is a cold person.

It is why you, as a warm one, is perfect for her. You whisk away the most depraved thoughts, ease her of any emotional and mental turmoil, and you do not treat her with the same coldness as the world seems so fond of doing to her. You are her flame, the one that sparks her being and reminds her that she is alive because her heart beats with you, beats for you.

Except you are cold now. It is unfathomable to her how you can be this way when your entire being exists to warm her, but when she touches your skin, you are unbearably frozen. Your body does not tremble like it does when her clawed fingers ever so gently trace your skin. The corner of your lips doesn't quirk up into the usual small smile of yours when she appears in your sight, but they remain ever rigid like the rest of you. Uncharacteristically, your expression doesn't soften with her presence.

You are cold, just like her. And that makes her afraid. Her hand searches for it, prodding your skin for a familiar thumping that is nowhere to be found. You continue to stare at her, unblinking. Here would be the moment where you give her a beaming smirk and you'd cup her face tenderly as if she was glass. And she would let you, because you are her beloved, who has watched her shatter so many times before and wordlessly each shard back together, and it is for that reason that she would lean closer towards your touch.

Because you lie broken in her arms and her hands are stained again with the familiar color of red. Your eyes are glossy and gaze unblinkingly at her. Frozen. Even when you are covered in your blood, you are beautiful, she notes, but oh, so cold that it makes her doubt if you were warm to begin with.

She misses your warmth. Where has it gone? Or has it died along with you?

Her hearth is gone. And as she clings onto your form, her body wracking with a fear and desperation she's never known before, two revelations come to her: that there is no such thing as an everlasting fire, and even after so many years ago, she was right along.

Arlecchino is a cold person. And she will remain always cold.

#arlecchino x reader #arlecchino x you #i wrote this instead of writing the actual oneshot I was planning to publish on Wednesday #whoops #i was in a little angsty mood 🥰 #that's mbad #if it comforts you the next oneshot is pretty wholesome #surprisingly whipped this up in like... an hour or so #is this my usual quality? no but #this was kinda fun #i haven't written angst in a while so this was good outlet #did you guys know I'm primarily an angst writer? :) because I am #and you will see that in the future #edgeray.blog #edgeray.writes

[bangchansgirlsblog]

Heyyy, give me something angsty with Felix please🥰 like maybe she comes home really tired and he’s just mad about everything small and calls her clingy🙀 and they go to bed angry (really bad idea btw never do that‼️) and then in the morning she tries to avoid him bc she doesn’t want to seem clingy? Happy ending tho, I can’t take too much heartbreak🩵

By my side.

Warnings: Yelling and crying.

Paring: Felix x Reader.

This is my first Felix story and I messed it up lol. Anyways. Enjoy 🩷

**

Y/n slowly removed her shoes at the door trying not to make a sound. Her body was aching and she was extremely exhausted. She moved like a sloth as she put away everything; her coat, her bag, etc.

When she heard the sound of banging dishes she knew her boyfriend, Felix, was home from his schedules.

Never in her life did she ever think she would be so irritated by his presence. She thought she would come home to a quiet house, she really wanted to be alone since work was so tiring.

"Oh! Hey my love," Felix face lit up when he saw his girlfriend walk through the living room. He quickly hurried around the counter to give her a kiss in which she returned.

"Heyy," she said trying to be as energetic as him but completely failed. Her chest was tight and all she wanted to do was cry.

"What's the matter?" He frowned when he noticed her little pout, "how was work?"

His hands automatically land on her waist trying to sooth the not's on her back. He cringed at how stiff she was and automatically knew she wasn't in a good mood.

"Can I have some alone time babe," she shrugged his hands off and started to make her way to their room.

"Did something happen?" Felix frowned as he quickly followed behind. She let out a frustrated sigh seeing he was still going on. He heard the sigh and was a little hurt by it but decided to push it to the side and make sure she was okay. That was what mattered right now.

"Nothing, I just want to be alone Lix-"

"I made us brownies! We can eat it with ice cream and chocolate-"

"Felix! For the love of God I said it's enough! Leave me alone. You're being clingy." She screamed and slammed the bathroom door in his face. He quickly took a step back in disbelief. He was hurt and it was so obvious.

His heart ached. He didn't know what to do but stand there hearing her soft sobs. Should he say something? Should he wait outside? Should he leave?

He was overthinking it. His hands were shaking and tears filled his eyes. She never yelled at him. Never did she even try to tell him off. This was all new to him. Was she getting tired of him? He thought.

Meanwhile on the other side, Y/n's tears were streaming down her face. She felt disgusted and guilty. Felix didn't deserve any of that. She knew it, he was just trying to help.

How could she let a miserable day at work affect her home life? Her relationship? Her thoughts became foggy as she sat there. All she could do was cry and so she cried until she finally fell asleep on the cold, hard tiles.

**

The frantic knocks on the door were what woke her up. Her head was banging and she was freezing. She looked over at her phone and saw it had been an hour and a few minutes. All she could hear was Felix's voice in distress calling out for her.

He sounded weak, worried and tired. What had she done? She quickly got off the floor and opened the door to see what was going on.

When the door opened Felix pulled her into his arms. He was so scared that she might have passed out or did something to herself since she had been locked in for an hour.

"Are you okay my love? Don't ever do that again to me! I was so scared something might have happened," he told her off but still managed to keep her in his arms.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," she whispered, "I know you were just looking out for me and you were worried. I love you babe," she tightened her grip around his waist as she hid her tears.

"Hey, look at me," he slowly put his finger under her chin. "We all have bad days, I know you didn't mean any of it. Okay?" She nodded, "stop crying my love, you need to talk to me and don't shut me out. Please?"

"I don't know what I would do without you," she whimpered.

"Well first off, you wouldn't be able to reach the top shelves..." he trailed off and smiled at her little laugh. He loved her laugh. Her laugh made him feel warm and happy. All he wanted was for her to be happy.

"You're so silly-"

"Yeah but you love it," he pecked her lips and helped wipe her tears, "should we go cuddle and eat the brownies now?"

"Yes please, I was actually craving them when I was in there,"

"My poor baby, go lay down and I'll be back in a bit," he let go of her and made his way to the kitchen where he got busy.

Y/n sat in their cozy bed trying to figure out how she would explain to Felix what was going on and she knew he was not going to let it go unless she told him and so she did.

#skz imagines #skz comfort #skz x reader #skz angst #skz fluff #skz x y/n #skz x you #skz stay #bangchansgfblog #felix fluff #felix x reader #felix x y/n #stray kids felix #lee felix

[hellodarling1357]

Tiny Toes: Part 4 - Cassian x Reader

Finally here with Part 4! I've been in an angsty mood so have struggled with writing anything fluffy but hopefully this works 🥰

Summary: Sleepovers + blanket forts + lots and lots of cuddles

Word Count: 3.3k

You can read the previous part here!

It had been two weeks since telling Ottie that you and Cassian were together, and she had been ecstatic from the news ever since. You were still easing your presence into her day-to-day life, although, given the amount of time you spent with her as her babysitter, it wasn’t much of an adjustment. 

Every morning the three of you would have breakfast together, either at your apartment, at Cassian’s house, or, when Cassian had the morning off, you would make your way into Velaris and spend the morning at a cafe followed by a walk through the park of along the river.

You also started joining Cassian at his family dinners and found yourself easily slipping into the group and becoming closer with the Inner Circle. Both Nyx and Ottie were overjoyed at your presence, excited by the prospect of having someone new to play with, especially after Ottie had talked you up so much which made Nyx also want to befriend you. It was like clockwork, the minute you set your fork down, two sets of hands would be pulling you towards the lounge room as they explained what you would be playing that evening. Eventually, the others would filter into the room, Elain happily taking your spot on the floor so you could rejoin Cassian on the couch and curl up against him.

An hour ticked by as Ottie and Nyx continued playing while the rest of you chatted away and shared a bottle or two of wine. Eventually the late night seemed to catch up to Ottie as she made her way over to where you and Cassian sat, reaching up her hands for him to lift her up and settle her on his lap. You smiled as you watched her fight to keep her eyes open then let out a laugh as her little legs stretched out to rest across your lap, leaving her sprawled over the two of you.

“Looks like someone’s ready for bed,” Rhys mused from Feyre’s side, smiling softly at the three of you as everyone took in the scene playing out. 

“I think so,” Cassian pushed some of Ottie’s hair away from her face, “what do you think, Otts? Ready to go home?” The room filled with laughter as Ottie violently shook her head whilst letting out a yawn.

“Come on, home time.” But Ottie, apparently not liking what her dad had to say, squirmed in his lap so that she was upright again and then quickly moved over to kneel in your lap, her arms coming up to wrap around you as she hid her face in the crook of your neck. You looked at Cassian, amusement filling your eyes as he let out a sigh. 

“She clearly has a new favourite.” Feyre laughed.

“Hmm, apparently she now thinks that if I say no, Y/N is going to say yes,” Cassian shot you a mock look of annoyance, “which isn’t helped by the fact that the two of you keep ganging up on me.”

“Aw, feeling a bit left out, Cassie?” Cassian chucks a cushion at Azriel in response to the taunt, shooting him with a glare that had the Shadowsinger grinning.

“You would be too. They have secrets- See, look at that, they’re whispering.” For at that very moment, Ottie had lifted her head away from your shoulder, leaning up to whisper in your ear, a hand cupped over her mouth to block out the others.

You looked up at the silence that filled the room to find everyone watching the two of you. With a smile you lean down to whisper into Ottie’s ear, making her look around the room before turning back to you with a definitive nod of her head.

Amusement coating your voice, your eyes meet Cassian’s as you announce, “Ottie says she doesn’t want to go home and that we’re staying here forever and ever.” Ottie nods again, giving you a pat on your back for a job well done.

You grin at Cassian as he lets out a groan, ignoring the snickering from the others, “Well, how about we go home now and then next time we can stay forever and ever?” He tries coaxing her away from where she’s hidden herself in the space between your neck and shoulder, one of his hands resting on your back as you shift against him with Ottie still in your arms.

She finally peeks up at him, looking like she’s seconds away from falling asleep against you as she fixes him with a calculating look. “Is Y/N coming with us?”

“Of course, sweetheart. If we leave now I’ll even have time to tuck you into bed before going home. Maybe even read you a bedtime story?” Cassian mouths a silent thank you at your intervention, knowing that with the mood Ottie is currently in, she’s not very likely to want to listen to him. 

However, it seems she doesn’t want to listen to you either, or she’s unhappy with what you said, as her lower lip pouts out and tears begin to fall down her face as she holds onto you even tighter.

“Ottie, what’s wrong?” Cassian quietly asks, rubbing a hand down her back. 

“Y/N- Y/N never stays,” she says between small sobs, hands balling up as they hold onto you. “She always goes home. I want her to stay.”

Oh

Well that had your heartbreaking in two.

You press a kiss to the top of her head, looking at Cassian with a questioning look. The two of you have a silent conversation before Cassian speaks up, “Well, how about Y/N has a sleepover tonight?”

You had been talking about when the best time was for you to start staying over for a few weeks now, it seemed, however, that Ottie wanted to get the ball rolling.

Almost immediately her sobs softened, and she quickly scrambled in your lap so that she could look at the two of you. “Okay,” then she was jumping off the couch, running around the room to give everyone a hug goodbye before racing out of the door.

Startled, you and Cassian blinked at each other before turning to look at the doorway she had just disappeared through.

“I think the two of you just got played,” Rhys laughed as he got out of his seat to give Cassian a pat on the back and you a hug goodbye. Before either of you could answer, Ottie was running back into the room, carrying all three of your coats. Honestly, you were surprised she managed to make it back given how they piled up above her face.

“Come on, it’s home time.” She impatiently repeated Cassian’s words from earlier.

“Alright, we’re coming, we’re coming,” 

You finished saying goodbye to everyone as Cassian knelt to help Ottie into her coat, doing up the buttons and pulling a wooly hat over her head to keep the cold out before wrapping a scarf around her neck. Then he was crossing the room to where you stood saying goodbye to Azriel. You let Cassian help you into your coat, smiling softly as he leans back to pull your hair out from where it was caught down your back.

“Ready to go?” 

“Yep,” you replied, eyes fluttering shut as Cassian places a soft kiss to your lips.

You frown slightly as you feel him tense up, noting how his eyes scrunched together in confusion. “Ottie,” he starts, turning around to face her from where she stood, basically jumping, in the doorway. “How did you reach our coats? They were hanging on the hook…”

Ottie fixes him with an unimpressed look, clearly not happy with the holdup when she has a sleepover with you to get to. With a roll of her eyes, holding more attitude than what should be allowed for a near-three-year-old, she says “like this.”

Her face contorts in concentration and then she’s flapping her little wings up and up and up. Your mouth falls open, Azriel and Rhys both let our surprised laughs, and Cassian… He is staring at his daughter in shock before racing over to tug her into his arms.

“Ottie… How- How long have you been doing that?”

“I don’t know, a few weeks. Now come on, we have to go.”

“Okay, okay,” He still seemed stunned, a slight panic washing over his features. “How did you learn to do that?”

“I just copied what you do.” Ottie, seemingly done with the conversation, grabbed her dad’s hand and tried to pull him out the door, waving for you to follow.

“Hang on a minute, princess,” Cassian knelt to face her, tucking some hair out of her impatient little face. “Why didn’t you tell me that you started… Ottie, you need to promise me that there will be no more flying by yourself, okay? You could get hurt –”

“But Daddy –”

“At least let me show you how to fly properly, okay? This weekend, the two of us can practice flying, how does that sound?”

Ottie cocked her head as she contemplated his offer before her face broke into a wide grin, all previous signs of sleepiness were long gone. “Okay, but only if Y/N is there too.”

Cassian scoops her into his arms, turning to face you and the rest of his family with a look of exhaustion.

“Well, it’s a good thing you’ve got Y/N now, Cass. She’s going to be a handful, aren’t you Ottie?” Mor teased, swooping in to press a kiss to her cheek. “I’m going to head off now too, want me to winnow you all home?” You gracefully accepted her offer; as much as you loved the feeling of being in Cassian’s arms, the thought of him flying you and Ottie through the freezing winter night air was not something you were looking forward to.

*****

“Daddy?” Ottie drawled once the front door was shut behind you and Mor had disappeared. “Can we please have a hot chocolate?”

“Princess, it’s well past your bedtime. How about tomorrow?”

“But a hot chocolate now would be really nice. Y/N wants one too, don’t you, Y/N?” You squeezed Cassian’s hand, trying to hide your laugh at Ottie using you against him.

“I don’t know, sweetheart. I’m pretty tired… How about we get ready for bed and then I’ll read you a bedtime story?” Ottie grinned up at you as though you were the best person in the world before turning on the spot and running down the hallway, yelling something about being a big girl and brushing her own teeth.

Cassian let out a long sigh as he pulled you tightly against him and buried his head in your hair, your arms eagerly coming up to wrap around him.

“You, my love, are cauldron sent,” You pulled back just enough to be able to reach up on your tiptoes and slant your lips over his. “I’m serious, if it was me saying no to hot chocolate, she would’ve cracked it. But one word from you and she’s running to get ready for bed. I think I might just have to keep you.”

“Hmm,” you murmured against his lips, “I don’t think I have any complaints if you do decide to keep me.”

“Well, isn’t the convenient.” Cassian’s voice was gravelly against your ear, his breath fanning across the sensitive skin of your neck. He caught your lips in another kiss, deepening it with a sweep of his tongue that had you pressing even closer against him. The pitter patter of footsteps had you reluctantly breaking apart, Cassian rolling his head back at the sudden interruption.

“Y/N? Can you please read to me now? I’ve done everything to get ready for bed.”

“Of course, sweetheart. Do you want to pick out a book? I’ll meet you upstairs in a minute.” She ran off with a grin. You turned to face Cassian, smiling at the sight of him watching Ottie climb the stairs, clad in her pyjamas and tightly holding onto her teddy bear, a soft smile gracing his features.

“She’s a pretty special kid,” you say, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Yeah, she is,” He bends down to softly kiss you, leaning his forehead against yours as he says, “She used her manners and everything. I think Feyre was right, you’re definitely her favourite…” His words awkwardly trailed off as if he had to suddenly stop himself from saying something that had been on the tip of his tongue. You gave him a questioning look but let it go when he grabbed your hand, with a quick clear of his throat he continued, “Well, we better get up there and read her that story, hey?”

*****

You and Cassian stumbled in the doorway of Ottie’s bedroom as you took in the sight before you. Ottie was in what looked like a nest of blankets and pillows spread out on the floor beside her still made bed.

“What…?”

“You can have my bed, Y/N. I don’t want you to sleep on the floor, you won’t be very comfortable.” The way she was looking up at you with so much excitement and unabashed joy had your heart clenching as you turned to Cassian, amusement lacing his features as he raised his eyebrows at you – this was your situation to navigate and clearly Ottie hadn't realised that you didn't plan on sleeping in her room.

“Oh, that’s very sweet of you, Ottie,” you pulled Cassian along with you as you sat down on her bed. “How about you come up here too. That way we’re all comfortable.” Without so much as a second of hesitation, Ottie was scrambling into her bed, settling herself between you and Cassian as she handed you the book she had picked out.

It was a tight fit but somehow the three of you managed to get into a comfortable position that accommodated for both Cassian and Ottie’s wings, as well as Cassian’s bulking frame. You were nestled into Cassian’s side, his arm and wing, wrapped around your shoulders to hold you to him. Ottie was on his lap, curled up against his chest as she faced you, watching with wide eyes as you read to her. Eventually, a soft snore filled the room making you turn to find Ottie fast asleep with her mouth open, drool soaking into Cassian’s shirt as he rubbed a hand up and down her back.

“She asleep?” He quietly asked, giving your shoulder a soft squeeze.

“Yeah, she is. Snores just like you.” You poked your tongue out at his offended expression before resting your head on his shoulder.

“Let’s stay here for a minute before we head to bed,” he mumbles, head leaning down to rest atop yours, “Don’t want to accidentally wake her.”

You murmur your agreement, feeling your eyes grow heavy as the warmth and comfort and love from the two people beside you help you drift into a peaceful sleep.

*****

Your back is aching, and you have no idea where you are. Blearily cracking your eyes open, you take in the soft light coming through the windows from the rising sun, lighting up the soft pinks of the bedroom you’re in. With a groan, you turn your head and come face-to-face with Cassian’s chest, slowly rising and falling with each breath, his arm wrapped tightly around you.

You’re in Ottie’s room. You clearly both dozed off after she fell asleep and had spent the rest of the night cuddled up on her small bed. It was definitely a sight you would be holding onto: a fully grown Illyrian male, sprawled across a small child’s bed wrapped up in a pink comforter covered in flowers. You might just ask Feyre if she could paint the scene for you, you knew she would at least get a laugh out of it.

Yet, the one thing missing from the scene was Ottie. You sat up, slowly wiggling out of Cassian’s grasp, not wanting to disturb him. You looked down at the pile of blankets Ottie had set up for herself, but there was no sign of her, or of the blankets and pillows she had dragged in. Standing up, you turned back to Cassian and pulled the blankets up around him before pressing a kiss to his cheek, just as he let out a loud snore that sent you into a fit of silent giggles. Quietly shutting the bedroom door behind you, you set off down the stairs in search for the young Illyrian, surely she hadn’t gotten too far?

You didn’t need to look for long. As soon as you entered the living room, a smile spread across your face at the throws that were draped across a huddle of chairs she seemed to have dragged in from the dining room. Kneeling in front of the small opening of Ottie’s blanket fort, you knocked on the floorboards before poking your head inside.

“Hello,” Ottie looks up from her picture book, her teddy bear sitting on her lap as she gives you a sleepy smile. “You’re up early. Can I join you?”

Ottie silently nodded, shifting over a bit to make more room. You smile as she pulls a blanket out and drapes it over your legs before readjusting herself to lean against your side. You sat in silence for a while, Ottie clutching her teddy to her chest as she looked through the pictures in her book while you sat beside her, letting your hands tangle through her curls, lost in thought.

Closing her book with a snap, Ottie turned to face you, before shifting so she could rest her head in your lap, teddy bear still clutched tightly in her hands.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” It had been a late night and was currently very early in the morning, so she was probably just tired, still, you wanted to check all the same.

“Daddy snores,” You laugh, nodding your head in agreement. “Really loudly.”

“Yes, he does, doesn’t here. He’s still up there snoring now.”

“No, he isn’t. And, no, he doesn’t,” Ottie sheepishly looked up at you, letting out a giggle as Cassian’s face appeared in the tent’s entrance. “Well, this is cozy.”

You laugh as Cassian sprawls out on the floor, the upper half of his body fitting inside the small space while his legs stick out of the gap in the blankets.

“Move over, Otts. Sharing is caring and all that.” The husk of his voice sending butterflies through you. “Woke up without my girls and couldn’t get back to sleep.” Ottie wiggled as she made room for Cassian to rest his head in your lap.

He blindly searched for your hand, bringing it up to his lips once he had hold of it before settling it on top of his chest, not once letting go. Then he was turning his head to face Ottie and planting a big kiss on her cheeks that had her letting out a shriek of laughter, “Stop it, Daddy. That tickles.”

You laughed as Cassian proceeded to smush his face against hers, the stubble prickling against her skin before wrapping his other arm around her and pulling her in closer against him. Soothingly rubbing your thumb across Cassian’s hand, you let the other one trail through Ottie’s hair, watching with amusement as they both drifted off to sleep in your lap.

Given the rare moment in which they were both still, and silent, you took the time to properly compare their features, marvelling at the many similarities they shared. You had to hold back a laugh when Cassian shifted slightly as he let out a snore, followed by the sound of Ottie’s, much quieter, snore.

Leaning against the back of the chair that helped prop up the blankets, you continued watching your two favourite people sleeping soundly in your lap, and couldn’t help but think this was something you wanted to get used to.

*****

Part 5

*****

PSA: Cassian was going to say “parent” – “You’re definitely her favourite parent” but caught himself because is it too soon?? What does he even think about it?? What would Y/N even think about it?? It just *almost* slipped out and sends him spiralling!

*****

Tag List: @mis-lil-red @sarawritestories @beardburnsupersoldiers @eve175 @blushingfawnsposts @turtleshavesoulmates @slytherinindisguise @sleepylunarwolf @starryhiraeth @tele86

Let me know if you wanted to be added!

#cassian x reader #cassian acotar #cassian x y/n #cassian x you #rhysand acotar #azriel acotar #feyre acotar #morrigan acotar #dad!cassian #cassian fluff #marley writes

[forever-rogue]

Hey there

I’m sooo obsessed with everything you write .. You’re so talented it’s insane

Might I request something really really angsty like heart crushing angst where the reader is suffering alone and pining over Joel while he goes on dates in Jackson (bc he never thought that reader is interested because of age gap) but Ellie notices and tries to bring them together

AN | Okay but imagine also some jealous!reader. All I will say is that there is a happy ending 🥰 

Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language

Word Count | 2.7k

Masterlist | Joel, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Another evening, which meant another disappointment. 

You sighed heavily as you watched him walk down the street, a pretty blonde woman happily blabbering away next to him. Your heart clenched and stomach flipped at the sight. You hated it, even though you were in position to have any sort of opinion on the subject. Almost as if he sensed your unease and prying eyes, he turned around and caught your eyes. He offered you a small smile that you didn’t have the energy to return. Instead you turned around and walked away, trying to blink back the tears that threatened to give you away. He was left confused, but his attention was quickly stolen again by the woman at his side. 

You hated that you had feelings for him; you hated the fact that you could never have him even more. 

But - let’s rewind. It hadn’t always been like this. At one point you were sure you had a shot with Joel Miller. He’d been sweet on you since you moved to Jackson a few years back. At first you thought this was how he acted with everyone; Ellie had informed that it was most definitely not how treated just anyone. 

And you let yourself get your hopes up. Maybe, just maybe, he felt even a verisimilitude of the ocean of feelings you held for him in return. But the times you allowed yourself to put your feelings on display, he either did not realize what you were doing or he ignored your affections. The first time you chalked it up to a fluke - that maybe you weren’t being clear or direct enough. After the next few times you were almost positive that he didn’t reciprocate your feelings. He was probably just putting up with you….the girl that pined over him and loved him the way the moon loves the ocean.

Over time you pulled back from him, spent less time around him, maybe yourself scarce when he was around. A little bit more every day you allowed the divide to grow. At first Joel had chalked up to you actually being busy, or just being in a mood, but eventually he knew what was going on. That this was intentional. You didn’t bother to explain yourself, didn’t even give him the opportunity to ask why. 

You hid yourself away while he put himself out there. Yeah, feelings really sucked sometimes.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You had been trying to enjoy a drink. One drink with a friend at the end of a long week; it was innocent and honest enough. 

But you couldn’t help the way your eyes gravitated to the door each time it opened. It was like the masochist part of you was wanting to see him and allow yourself to get hurt. 

This evening it hurt. You watched as Joel held the door open, a saccharine little smile on his face, as a gorgeous woman walked in. She was beaming at him, and her hand reached for his almost instantly. This had to be the third or fourth woman you’d seen him out with in recent memory.

“You’re staring,” Daisy hissed as you tore your gaze from the door and turned back to your finger, “could you be any more obvious?”

“What do you mean?” you tried to keep your voice as calm as possible, painting a sweet smile on your features.

“Joel,” she started, completely seeing through your bullshit, “it’s so clear to anymore with eyes, and probably without eyes, that you’re in love with him.”

“Daisy!” you clamped your hand over her mouth and looked around to make sure that no one else heard her, “shut up!”

“Why?’ she pried your hand away with a huge smirk, “because it’s true?”

“It is not,” you sounded like you were pleading with her more than anything else, “he’s just…another man. Besides…I’ve tried to make a move before - don’t laugh at me - and he all but rejected me. I’m not looking for any more humiliation.”

“That’s impossible,” she scoffed and raised her eyebrow, “he likes you! If you’re not looking at him, he’s always looking at you.” 

“No,” shaking your head fervently, a small part of your heart couldn’t help but wonder if what she was saying was true, “you’re wrong.”

“Babes,” she patted your knee, “I can see him right now and he looks bored out of his mind. He’s totally not even paying attention to what she’s saying and - oh. Oh. He’s totally looking at you.”

“Stop,” you sighed softly, fighting the urge to turn around and see for yourself, “it’s not anything and it’s never going to be anything. So.”

“So,” she teased back, “he’s coming over so be on your best behavior.”

Panic set in immediately as you wondered if you had enough time to run away - but he made up your mind for you.

“Daisy,” Joel gave her a nod as she grinned at him before saying your name and turning to look at you, “hi.”

“Hey,” you allowed yourself the briefest of glances before turning back to stare at your drink as though it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“Everything alright?” he asked, gently pushing for answers, “haven’t seen you around much.”

“‘m fine,” you waved him off, “better get back to your date.”

He remained silent for a moment, his brow setting into a hard line before turning to walk away, “see y’all around.”

Daisy’s mouth dropped open as she looked between you and his retreating back, “that was harsh.”

“Daisy, he’s on a date,” she sighed heavily, “he can go and be happy with her.”

“You do care about him,” after a few moments, you nodded slightly, “well then.”

“Can we just drop it?” you asked softly, “please?”

“Okay,” she promised, “okay.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Almost a week had passed since you’d last seen Joel. It had served as short of a blessing and curse at the same time. It made it easier to separate yourself from him, but served to make your heart yearn and ache for him. Over time, you figured, that too would pass and you’d be able to move on from him. 

But Joel Miller, a stubborn and steadfast man, was not about to make your life that easy. 

He found you walking home and practically sprinted to catch up with you. Part of you was tempted to ignore him, but then you felt him put his hand on your arm, “hey, stop. “

“Joel.”

“You’ve been ignorin’ me for long enough,” and yeah…he wasn’t afraid in the slightest to call you out. You stopped and turned to him, crossing your arms over your chest, “I think you owe me at least an explanation.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about-”

“Don’t lie to me,” he scrubbed a hand over his tired face as you shrugged innocently, “I know something is wrong, and I wish…I thought we were friends. You can tell me anything.”

“There’s nothing to tell. You didn’t do anything,” you wanted to tell him the truth, wanted to tell him that his only fault was not feeling the same way about you, “I’ve just been busy and stuff. It’s not that deep.”

“Quit lying to me.”

“Fuck!” you threw up your hands in frustration, “fine - Joel, I don’t want to be your friend. We can’t be friends. I don’t want…you.”

He recoiled like you’d slapped him across the face. In some ways, he would have that - it would have hurt less. You felt like crying at the look of surprise and disappointment that crossed his features. You hadn’t meant for it to be so harsh and brutal, “oh.”

“I should go,” go and crawl into your bed and cry yourself to sleep because you’d hurt yourself and him.

“Why?” his question was simple but pointed, “tell me why and you’ll never have to be again. You owe me an explanation at least because before all of this - I thought we were okay.”

“Joel-”

“Please.”

“Because I’m in love with you.” you weren't sure if you’d really meant to say the words out loud but as soon as they tumbled out, both of you stared at each other in shock. Well…there was no going back now, “because I’m in love with you and you don’t feel the same and I can’t handle that. And maybe it’s stupid and selfish, but I can’t just be your friend, Joel. It kills me a little bit every time I see you out with someone else, and I’m just here being pathetic and pining. And I’m sorry to do this, but the only way I can see myself getting over any of it is by not being your friend.”

“You…you’re in love with me?” was all he managed to choke out, eyes soft and wide.

“I’m sorry,” you stared at the ground, kicking at a rock, “I didn’t mean for this to happen. But you wanted the truth and there is it.”

“Oh,” you already knew that he didn’t reciprocate your feelings, but his response didn’t make you feel any better.

“I’m going to…go,” you didn’t wait for him to say anything else, turning on your heel and practically running the rest of the way home. You felt tears pearl up and run down your cheeks, but didn’t bother to wipe them away, instead running inside and slamming the door shut. 

That might have been the most painful and humiliating moment of your life. But at least it was all over now. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

But Joel…no. It was far from over for him because he had just experienced about a million revelations at once.

The most prevalent of which was that you were in love with him. He had no clue…not even a sliver of hope. But now he knew. He knew. 

He'd thought about following you home that night but had decided against it, figuring it was best to give you some space.

Joel even let a few days pass before he couldn't take it anymore. He had to see you, had to talk to you before he completely lost his mind.

And yes, he probably shouldn't have come to your work, but he couldn't stop him. You hadn't even noticed it was him when you heard the bell over the door to the coffee shop twinkled but didn't bother to see who it was. People normally just seated themselves; but this time someone walked towards you behind the counter.

You turned around and gasped when you saw it was Joel on the other side of the counter. You thought about ducking under the counter but it was much too late for that. Instead you stood there wordlessly while he tried to find the right words.

"Sorry for ugh, showing up like this," he scratched at the back of neck nervously, "I just really had to talk to you."

"A-about what?" Your voice sounded so small and squeaky that you cringed internally. You did want to seem like a pathetic little mouse on top of everything.

"The other night," he cleared his throat as your face burned. Fuck.

"Look I'm sorry about all of that," you sighed, cheeks way too warm, "I shouldn't have said anything and I'm sorry if I made things…awkward." 

"I'm the one that should be sorry," he whispered after a few beats of silence, "I should have just said what I wanted to. But I got scared."

"Scared? You?" You raised an eyebrow as he met your eye and nodded, "of what?"

"Of telling you how I really feel."

"Oh," you waved a hand dismissively, "I already know that you just want to be my friend. Look, Joel, I don't think I'll be able to do that. I can't just change my own feelings."

"That's not…no," and he sighed softly, taking a moment to gather himself, "that's not exactly what I meant."

"W-what do you mean then?" Your eyes widened but you found yourself leaning closer to him. He'd approached the counter now and was very close to you. Your heart was hammering against your ribcage and your mind was reeling with the possibilities of what he could say or do, "Joel?"

Joel hesitated for a moment before reaching up and holding out a hand towards your face. You stood still and when you didn't try to brush him off, he put his hand on your face and brushed his thumb over your cheek. If you had felt warm before, you felt like you were on fire now. His touch was a juxtaposition of soft and rough and had you preening into his touch.

"Can I kiss you?" He whispered his question, almost so quiet that you weren't really sure he'd actually said anything. But then a look of shock crossed your features. Joel wondered for a moment if he'd completely messed up but then the smallest hint of a smile crossed your features.

"Uh huh," you left dumbfounded as you blinked at him, "yes."

He ghosted his fingers along your jaw before slowly pressing his lips to yours. And you almost fell apart from even the simplest of touches. It felt so right, so perfect that you wondered why you hadn't done this a lot sooner. Kissing Joel Miller was everything.

Joel pulled back and gave you a questioning look, trying to gauge your reaction. Your mouth opened and closed a few times before settling into a small pout, "why did you kiss me?"

He laughed - nervous - before turning back to you, "isn't it obvious, sweetheart?"

"Isn't what obvious?" You exhaled sharply, "oh. So, you don't like me as just a friend?"

"No, I don't," he nodded.

"You like me…" you trailed off and waved your hand around, "as more than a friend."

"Bingo."

"You never said anything."

"Neither did you," he had you there as you shrugged sheepishly, "why didn't you?"

"I didn't think you'd ever want someone like me. Me," you wanted to curl up into a small ball and die at how pathetic the confession sounded out loud, "why didn't you?"

"Same reason," he was close to your lips and you could have just about kissed him, "why would you want me?"

"That's a silly question," you huffed slightly but nonetheless found yourself giving him a beaming smile.

"I could say the same to you," and with that, you couldn't stop yourself and kissed him again, "there's a million things to say but I'd like to tell them some other time. Like maybe over dinner…"

"Are you asking me on a date?" Your eyes went huge as he nodded, "what about all those…other girls?"

"Admittedly…they were a vain attempt to get over you," he chewed the inside of his cheek as he chanced a look at you, "and nothing ever happened with any of them. Nothing more than dinner or a beer. So."

"So," and yeah, by this time you were beaming. Your smile was brighter than the sun and prettier than the lushest flowers. And Joel Miller was a sucker for you, "nothing?"

"Nada," he promised, "but I'll let you decide…you don't have to give me an answer right now."

"I already know the answer - yes," Joel was over the moon already, "when are you free?"

"Any time for you," he insisted and you knew that was true. He'd always been like that for you, and you only. 

"Tonight?" You blurted out eagerly before stopping yourself.

"Tonight," he agreed, "do you want to come over? I'll make dinner and dessert."

"That sounds…lovely," trying to keep your mind in check was already a challenge. You knew exactly what you had in mind for dessert, "I'm off at seven if that's okay."

"Of course," he reached for your hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, "tonight. Seven."

"Okay," your response was a dreamy sigh that had him yearning hard for you already - more than he already had which had seemed impossible, "see you tonight, Joel."

"See you tonight, sweetheart."

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller one shot #pedro pascal #tlou #tlou hbo #the last of us

[neonghostlights]

I am SO happy that you’re taking requests! Your work is fantastic, I adore seeing you pop up on my feed 🥰

Could I request a little angsty piece with Rockstar Eddie? He’s gone a little off the rails, enjoying everything that comes with being young, hot and famous and you ended up breaking things off with him as his behaviour got more and more inexcusable.

Six Months after you break up, he shows up at your door in the rain, crying, full of regret. He begs ‘take me away from this big bad world and agree to marry me, so we can start over again’ (yes that’s from a blur song 🤣)

I’m happy for you to run with this and let your creative juices flow! Thank you Angel 😇

Aw thank you so much❤️! I really hope you like this one! Rockstar!Eddie Munson x ex!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Break up, Crying, Alcohol, Hurt/Comfort, 18+ only

Wordcount: 2.1k

Memories

The cardboard box of memories sat in the middle of your kitchen island. It had been there for a few hours, ever since you got brave enough to pull it out the back of your closet. 

You knew you needed to get rid of it, it wasn’t healthy to hold onto. But you found yourself doing this once a month, when you heard a song on the radio that was too familiar or someone was brave enough to mention his name when you were within hearing distance. You would always shove it back in the closet when you were done, promising yourself you would never do this again. 

The rain and wind hit the windows so hard you thought they might crack. You could blame the weather on your mood, and not the fact that today was the six month anniversary of the break up. You had just gotten to the point you could call it the break up mentally and out loud. There was a time where you could only bear to refer to it as the separation or the incident. You liked to think you were making some progress. 

That was until tonight, of course. 

You pulled the box off the counter, making your way to your living room. You set it on the wooden coffee table with a thud. The creases of the box were fraying from carrying over its weight limit. One day you’d have to throw it all out. But not today. 

You reached in and grabbed the tape you knew would be right on top like it always was. You popped it in the radio, letting the sound of Never Tear Us Apart play. He never liked this song but you did. You played it enough that he started to sing along to it too, and then that turned into dancing to it in the living room together. 

It unofficially became your song. And now it was the soundtrack of your heartbreak. 

You sat on the couch gently, afraid that if you moved too quickly it would break the trance and you wouldn’t be able to savor these little moments you allowed yourself to have. 

The first thing you grabbed was an old t-shirt of his that you never gave back on purpose. You were wearing it the night it all went to shit. If you inhaled deep enough you could still catch a whiff of the perfume you were wearing and the stale smell of cigarette smoke. 

He hadn’t shown up to dinner that night. You had both moved out to Chicago together in hopes he would gain some traction with his music there better than Hawkins. It worked. He got what he wanted. 

The day it ended was your 4 year anniversary. You had made plans together for when you got off work and he made it out of the studio. You waited at the restaurant for over an hour and he just never showed. 

Eddie had started partying a lot. His band had taken off and they were picking up fame. With the attention of all his new friends he had seemed to have forgotten about you though. You left the diner, embarrassed that the sweet waitress was pitying you. 

Your small one bedroom apartment felt suffocating by the amount of people inside of it when you got home. 

You slammed the door behind you when you entered but no one paid you any attention. The music was so loud you couldn’t hear your own thoughts as you maneuvered and pushed by sweaty bodies. 

“Baby!” You heard him call as you passed by the couch he was sat on with people surrounding him. He always had people surrounding him. You were never alone anymore. 

You ignored him, making your way to your bedroom. You opened the door to two people tangled on your bed. 

“Get out!” You yelled, watching as they picked up stray clothes and scrambled out of the room. 

“Baby. What’s wrong?” Eddie cooed when he caught up to you. He was swaying, the smell of alcohol strong on his breath. 

“Everything’s ruined, Eddie,” you bit out, grabbing the duffel bag from your closet. 

He sat on the edge of the bed and ran his hand across the wrinkled blanket. 

“It’s not ruined, babe. We can wash it,” he informed you with a smile, slurring his words. 

You rolled your eyes and started grabbing handfuls of clothes and emptying out your drawers, throwing anything you could get your hands on into the bag. 

“Wait a second,” Eddie said, pushing himself up from the bed sloppily. “What are you doing?” 

“I’m leaving,” you snapped, zipping up the bag. 

“But why?” He asked, genuine confusion in his voice. You wanted to pull your hair out. He just didn’t get it even when it was right in front of him. 

“Why do you think, Eddie? I waited for you for over an hour and you never showed! This shit,” you waved your hands in the air, “is all you care about now. You used to hate parties and all of this bullshit but look at you now.”

Eddie’s face softened, some coherency coming back as he realized what he had done. He reached for you but you moved away. You watched as the panic came across his features. 

“I can fix this. I can make everyone leave,” he said, making his way to the bedroom door. 

“Don’t bother. I’ll make it easy for you and I’ll go,” you muttered, pushing past him and into the hallway. 

“Wait!” He yelled, scrambling after you as fast as he could with the alcohol still burning in his veins. “Where are you going?”

“Does it matter? We’re done,” you called over your shoulder, using your bag to push through the people. 

Something shattered and broke in the kitchen.  You didn’t bother to stop, it wasn’t your problem anymore. 

“So you’re going to give up on us? Just like that?” He questioned, anger lacing his voice. 

You whipped around to face him, not caring that you had an audience. 

“Just like that? I have been begging you to give me an ounce of attention for months, Eddie, and you’d rather give all of your time to strangers. Don’t put this on me,” you snapped, turning back around and running through the front door before he could say anything else. 

“What a buzzkill!” Someone taunted you before you could close the door all the way. The sound of a scuffle broke out but you didn’t check to see if it was Eddie fighting. You needed to get out of there. 

That was six months ago. You had moved back to Hawkins and rented a house. Eddie’s band got even more famous. You doubted he was even still in Chicago anymore. He was probably out in California or New York, enjoying even bigger parties and everything that came with them. You grew nauseous at the thought. 

You couldn’t do this to yourself anymore. You tossed the shirt back in the box, covering the rest of the memories in there. You popped the tape out, cutting the music off, and threw it in there too. You couldn’t handle this tonight. It was all too much. 

You placed your head in your hands. Did he ever miss you as much as you missed him? Doubtful, since he never once called or came looking for you after you left. 

The sound of the doorbell had you lifting your head out of your hands. You waited a few moments, wondering if it was just all in your head. The sound of it ringing again had you getting up from your seat. 

No one should be here tonight. The weather was so bad that you were sure the streets were flooded. Maybe Steve and Robin were stopping by to check on you since they knew what today was. They had promised to give you space but maybe they had changed their mind. 

You threw the door open, ready to scold them for coming out all of this way. But it was Steve or Robin standing on your doorstep with dripping hair and eyes. 

Eddie clutched a bouquet of flowers tightly in his hands. They were soaked, the white and red petals drooping from the weight of the water. Eddie looked like he had just gone swimming, his hair wet and his black band t-shirt drenched and pressed against his t-shirt. 

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, like he wanted to speak but couldn’t. He thrusted the bouquet forward and into your hands. You caught them, water streaming down your arms and soaking the sleeve of your sweater. 

“What are you doing here?” You demanded, tempted to throw the flowers back at him. 

“I miss you,” Eddie sniffled. It was obvious he had been crying tonight. His voice cracked on every syllable. 

“Eddie, I-” You started. 

“I’m sorry. I need to say this because I have a whole speech planned and then you can say whatever you want to me,” he explained, shaking slightly from the cold air and water. 

You nodded silently, allowing him to speak. 

“I’m so fucking sorry. You didn’t deserve the way I treated you. You were- I mean are the most important thing in my life and I got so blinded by everything else that I didn’t take care of you and our relationship. I got so blinded by people wanting to be around me and thinking that I was cool that I lost touch of what really matters. I need you. I feel like I haven’t been able to breathe since you’ve been gone, baby. I wanted to marry you, you know? I was gonna propose to you once we signed that deal with the label. Now we’ve signed it and you weren’t there and I feel so damn lost.” His teeth were chattering as he spoke; his limbs shaking from the low temperature. Every time he blinked drops of tears and rain flicked from his long eyelashes. 

“Why now? I’ve been here for six damn months and you never even called,” you bit out, eyes tearing from what he had confessed. It felt like a slap in the face to know your whole future had gone down the drain because of Eddie’s behavior. 

“I didn’t think you’d want to see me. Trust me, you don’t know how often I wanted to come here since Harrington mentioned you moved here. I wanted to get better for you first, though. You were so mad and I thought that you didn’t want me anymore. I, uh, I’ve been seeing someone. A therapist,” he explained, “I’ve been working on my shit. I don’t drink or party anymore. I just work with the band. That’s it.”

You chewed your lip, thinking over what he was saying. 

“I don’t want to be like how I was anymore. I just want you. I want to make you my wife. I want to have a life with you. Please,” he begged. 

“I can’t jump back into this relationship again. I can’t get hurt again and I’m definitely not going to just marry you after you show up on my doorstep claiming to have gotten your shit together,” you said finally. 

Eddie’s face crumpled but he didn’t argue. He just nodded in understanding, looking down at his feet. 

You sighed, your heart arguing with your head. How often had you wanted this exact scenario to happen? You couldn't just push him away now when he has been all you've needed for the past six months. If what he was saying about getting help was true, he deserved the chance to make things right.

“But I’ve missed you so much. I still love you so much that it hurts. I can’t just hand you my heart again and let you do whatever you want with it. Maybe we can start over though and see what happens?” You offered. 

Eddie’s face lit up at the offer and he straightened up, sticking a hand out to you. 

“Hi, I’m the new and improved Eddie Munson and I promise not to break your heart,” he said, taking your hand and lifting it to his lips, pressing a delicate kiss on the skin there. 

You told him your name in a shy voice. Eddie didn’t let go of your hand after he kissed it, he just squeezed it tighter. There was a moment between you, where neither of you knew what to say. 

“So, Mr. New and Improved Eddie Munson, would you like to come inside and dry off for a bit?” You asked. 

Eddie smiled, nodding his head in agreement. You led him inside the warm safety of your house, shutting and locking the door behind you. 

You and Eddie played your song again that night. And this time, you were able to listen to it all the way through.

#eddie munson au #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x you #eddie munson request #rockstar!eddie munson x reader #rockstar!eddie x reader #rockstar!eddie munson

[knavesflames]

“Promise”

Just a little thing about Clervie and Arlecchino that lowkey apart my heart thinking about it. Again, very sorry if this is not good!! Am new to writing things down other than in my notes sooo bear with me as I get better pls 😩

Contents: angst, the tiniest mention of self harm. It isn’t graphic, it is mentioned in passing only once, and very vaguely, but thought I’d put a TW anyway🥰

Word count: 2453

Writing under the cut!!:D

At age 9,

Peruere sits in the garden, holding the small box. The lid is open as she places a small lumidouce bell next to the spider. The lumidouce bell will die and wilt underground, but at least the spider won’t be lonely, she thinks.

“Peruere!”

The loud childish voices rings out in the garden once again. A sigh leaves Peruere’s lips. She isn’t in the mood to talk to the person she secretly calls sunshine. Looking down at the splayed out body of her pet spider, her lip quivers. Once, twice, before a tear falls onto the wood of the makeshift coffin. The dread rising in her as she sees her hands changing doesn’t go unnoticed, but she pushes it down. ‘What is that? Why am I changing?’

Her thoughts are interrupted by the sunshine once again, the voice now muffled with chewing.

“I brought cake. Want some?”

Peruere’s now charcoal hands take the cake, pausing as the sunshine (or Clervie, but Peruere prefers sunshine) takes it from her hands and places it on a leaf in front of the small grave.

“You must know spiders don’t eat cake.”

“Yeah, I know! They can’t eat cake here, but in spider world they can.”

Her voice is almost irritating to Peruere, who is only trying to be angsty and sad. But how can she be sad when the sunshine is right there?

“Clervie, I want to sit in silence.”

Clervie can’t help her eyebrows furrowing before she sits down with a small thud.

“I’ll sit with you, then.”

Peruere sighs as her eyes, eyes that are unlike any others in the house of the hearth, glance towards the sunshine. She doesn’t persist. Secretly, she’s glad for the company. Clervie smiles back as she plays with the small patch of lumidouce bells.

“I don’t care that you’re different. I think you’re cool.”

Her eyes narrow, eyebrows furrowing before she responds.

“Why? I’m completely different from you.”

“I like that. Even our teddies are different. I think everyone being the same is boring. They won’t be the king because they are all the same. You will be king one day, Peruere. Can I sit with you when you are?”

Peruere feels just a small amount of dread at those words. The words that remind her that one day, she indeed, will have to do what Mother says and fight to be king. Something is off about Mother, she thinks. She is too kind, too caring. She doesn’t like it. Not just because she doesn’t deserve it (that’s what she tells herself in the mirror before she sleeps), but because Clervie, the sunshine, is falling for it. In that moment, she makes a silent vow to protect the sunshine always, even if it is cloudy.

“We can be king together.”

“Do you promise? I don’t want to be left behind.”

“I promise.”

At age 11,

Peruere and Clervie, the sunshine and the moon, sit in a deserted part of the house of the hearth. Their favourite part is the room with the wide window, where they sit and stare at the sky, talking about their dreams. Or rather, Clervie talks, Peruere listens. Though this time, the roles seem to be reversed. Next to them, a tray of medical instruments. Scissors, bandages, gauze, disinfectant. Peruere sits, her blackened, gentle but clumsy hands tying a bow on one of the bandages. The look on Clervie, I mean, the sunshine’s, face was much brighter than ten minutes ago. This is the first of many times, unbeknownst to them. Peruere speaks softly.

“What happened? Your wrists looked like they got hurt.”

“Nothing, Peruere.”

Alarm bells ring in Peruere’s head. Clervie was never this closed off, not with her.

“Did you do this to yourself? Like Céline? She got upset at herself so she hurt herself. I don’t like that, tell me you didn’t do that. It’s dangerous, Clervie.”

Her eyes, shining black, filled with worry. Her hand grabs the sunshine’s, giving it a little squeeze, encouraging her to talk.

“No, that isn’t it. I argued. With Mother. I don’t want to fight everyone to be king. I want to be friends with everyone, I want to eat bulle fruit with everyone. Why do we have to fight?”

“I do not like it either. I want to run away sometimes. Do Mothers always argue with their daughters?”

“I don’t know.”

Clervie’s hands, still trembling from the adrenaline, push open the window. They stare at the stars for a while, before her voice rings out once more, soft, quiet, always optimistic.

“I heard that in Snezhnaya, coloured lights dance in the sky at night. When we grow up, shall we go see it together?”

Peruere wonders if they’ll ever go and see it, or if it’s just another empty promise. Just like how Mother promised her spider wouldn’t die, how the fish she caught wouldn’t be eaten.

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

At age 13,

The sun shines. Both the actual sun, and Clervie, Peruere thinks. Her fingers are splayed out on the picnic blanket, the wet paint on her nails shining in the light when her fingers twitch. Painted black, like her skin on her arms, and red, the colour of the lipstick they stole from Mother a few weeks ago, the colour of Clervie’s hair. She makes a noise of satisfaction, secretly looking at Clervie through her fingers. It looks like she’s looking through prison bars, she thinks. But Clervie is the sun. If anyone should be in prison, it’s her, not Clervie. She doesn’t like the way she thinks about Mother, but Mother harms the sunshine. Her sunshine. Her eyes widen, just slightly as she realises that maybe feeling so warm and fuzzy inside whenever she sees Clervie isn’t exactly a usual way to think of people. She doesn’t feel that for anyone else. She stares a bit longer. How the red of Clervie’s hair reminds her of the burning sun. Of the fire in the lounge of the house of the hearth. Fire is good, she thinks. She could protect her sunshine with fire. In a split decision, she takes the red nail polish in one hand, a strand of her white hair in the other. Snow and blood. Blood on snow. Those colours seem to be awfully present in her life as of late, and her heart begins to twist as she thinks of what it means for her future. Before she can think any harder, Clervie’s giggle cuts through her thoughts.

“What are you doing, silly?”

Red paints on the snow coloured hair.

“I’m like you now. I have red hair. That way, we will stay friends forever.”

“I like you too much to leave you, silly. It looks good with your hair. The red. You should paint it every day, and that way, you can—“

Words are cut off by clumsy lips meeting clumsy lips. Only for a second, a second that feels forever. Peruere’s cheeks flush the colour of the painted strand as she mumbles apologetic words.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I-“

“It’s okay. I liked it. I want to do it more. You should still keep the red strand. Promise you will?”

“Yes, I promise.”

At age 16,

Mother has been increasingly cruel, to both her and Clervie. Especially to Clervie. How could someone be so evil to someone so kind is something Peruere cannot fathom. She despises seeing Clervie cry, to hear her quiet sobs at night. Her eyes are always bright, always happy. If not for her own sake, for Peruere’s. But the sun has been hiding lately, hiding behind clouds and avoiding words. The red strand of Peruere’s hair, once painted every day with nail polish to match Clervie’s, now permanently dyed, retouched every eight weeks, hidden under most of her hair to avoid Mother’s wrath. And now? They stand in the field, Clervie, facing Peruere with resigned eyes.

“You know it’s the only way. Mother will kill us both if you are not king. Have you not noticed the children disappearing?”

“I have. It does not mean your life has to end. You cannot take your life—“

“No. That will not satisfy Mother, and you know that. You must do it.”

Hate, fear, dread and sadness twist Peruere’s gut so hard she feels as if she will throw up. She fight the urge to retch at the very suggestion that she dulls the sunshine she has grown to adore so.

“I cannot. I will not. You cannot ask me to do something like that.”

“You must.”

She hates that Clervie is right. She hates that Mother is so twisted and sick that this is the only choice. She begs anyway, something she told herself she would never do.

“Please. We were supposed to go to Snezhnaya together. To see the coloured lights in the sky. There is no ‘we’ without you.”

A chuckle is heard, the familiar chuckle that lights up Peruere’s heart, the chuckle that feels like it’ll reverse her curse entirely. She can’t deny the sadness she hears in it though, especially not when she sees a tear slip down Clervie’s face. The sight brings tears to her own eyes and she looks away, unable to stare at her any longer. The longer she stares, the harder it will be. She knows this, but her eyes move back to her anyway.

“You will look at the coloured lights, and you can trust I will be there in them.”

“No! This is not fair.”

“You know I’m right, Peruere.”

“And I hate that you are. You’re always damn right. Stop that.”

Another chuckle is heard behind tears.

“I plan to.”

“Don’t joke.”

“I’m sorry. And I’m sorry you have to do this.”

Peruere feels like her breath is being sucked out of her, like she can’t inhale enough and yet, exhaling is impossible. Her brain is telling her she has to. She has to give the sunshine a merciful end, lest Mother give her a far worse fate. But her heart is screaming. Tears drip down her face, her body wracked with silent cries. Her hand goes to the hilt of the dagger she always carries.

“But I love you. You are my sunshine.”

“I love you, too. And so I will always be here when the sun is shining. I am not afraid.”

“I am.”

Peruere is not one to be scared. She never has. But now, her hands are clammy, she feels a sweat gathering. She feels her heart thumping in a completely different way than when they share small kisses and giggles. She feels like she’s killing herself instead of her love. The dagger is unsheathed now, the blade glinting with every tremble of her hand. Oh, God, there it is again. That smile, the one that melts Peruere every time. Images flash in her mind of every time she bandages Clervie after an argument with Mother. Images of what could happen should Mother take Clervie’s life into her own hands, and before she can think twice, the dagger has pierced her skin. Clervie’s clothes are staining with blood as red as her hair.

“No. No, no— please. Clervie, you can’t. Why did you tell me to do this?”

Red ‘X’ irises stare into blue ones. A beautiful bluey green, one that Peruere has always admired. Has always adored looking into. Not now. Not while she watches the life drain from her eyes. Watching the sun burn.

“You will make a great king.”

“Stop that.”

Anger boils inside Peruere, anger like she has never felt before. She swears she will kill anyone who threatens to hurt the ones she cares about. She won’t let this happen again.

“I’m sorry. Thank you.”

Clervie’s soft words fill her ears for the final time before her body drops to the floor with a thunk. Peruere stares down at her, anger filling her so greatly, she becomes blank. She decides she will never feel again. She will never love again. The sun was a star, but the sun has burned and died.

“Do you promise you will be with me in Snezhnaya? Promise?”

“..Clervie?”

She is met with only silence, and the sound of the lumidouce bells waving in the wind.

At age 28,

Arlecchino walks through the halls of the House of the Hearth, watching stoically as the children play, as they watch the two children perform their magic show. She calls out, her voice strict, unfeeling.

“Meet in the dining hall when you are finished. Dinner is served shortly.”

Met with a chorus of “Yes Father”, she nods, satisfied, before turning away. Her heels click against the tiled floor as she walks through the halls, her hair flowing in her ponytail behind her. She takes the long route, avoiding the west wing of bedrooms, something she has avoided for many years. Her footfalls come to a stop as the sun hits her as it shines through the window. She feels a tug at her heart, and she clenches her fists tightly before sighing, turning quickly on her heel. She walks with purpose, walking past the many bedrooms until she slows, coming to a stop in front of the bedroom door she has kept locked. The ring of keys in her pocket makes a sound as she pulls them out, and she listens to the way they jingle as she unlocks the door and slips inside. She blinks back heartache as she stares around at the room. It has been well preserved, it looks like it’s still very much lived in by a sixteen year old girl. She goes about, dusting the surfaces in silence, cleaning up any signs that it hasn’t been touched in such a long time. She opens the window, watering the lumidouce bells that sit on the windowsill outside. She stops by the bed, where two teddies sit— one pink with a white ribbon, one black and white with red ‘X’s for eyes. Her hand, now black with darker patterns all over from how far the curse has advanced, softly pets the pink one, swallowing down a shaky breath. Her nails, painted red and black, like they always have been, gives a gentle scratch under the chin.

“Good morning, Clervie. The children are doing well today.”

Her hand slides into her pocket, pulling out a small, gift wrapped box, placing it by the teddy.

“Happy birthday. I told you I would not forget. The sun is shining brightly, and the colours in the sky at night have been vivid lately. You would have found them beautiful, I am sure. I would have loved to look at you as you stared at them in wonder.”

The birthday gift joins another 11 on the bed, each one in different phases of aging. She stands again, smoothing down the bedsheets before placing a small kiss on the pink teddy.

“See you next year, Clervie. I promise.”

#arlecchino hc #arlecchino genshin #arlebina #arlechinno genshin #arlechinno x reader #arlefuri #genshin impact #arle #genshin smut #genshin wlw #genshin x reader #genshin fanfic #clervie #peruere #arlecchino smut #genshin impact arlecchino #arlecchino #genshin imagines

[weird-is-life]

Can I request an imagine with either hotch or spencer where reader either works a lot or is in over her head in college? I’m working 7 days a week right now and I could really use some criminal minds boys to comfort me

Hii lovely, ty for this request. I hope this is okay and that you take some time for yourself🥰warnings: angsty, fluff, pet names, mention of dinner? (1k)

Your work is tough and lately, it has been killing you. But for the last few days it's been a literal hell. You've gotten insane amount of work to get done and you didn't even know where to start.

You can't even stay at work longer, because you need to pick up Jack from school, since Aaron has been gone the whole week too. So your only option has been to take the work with you home.

Which you do even today. A big pile of papers is sitting on the table, waiting for you as you prepare the dinner. It's Friday night, so you stay up with Jack to watch a movie after the dinner. You snuggle on the couch until he can no longer keep his eyes open and move him to his bed.

And then you take the haunting pile of papers on the couch with a sigh. Aaron let you know, that he should be home late at night, so you want to get the work done before he arrives.

You somehow underestimated how much work you've actually taken home with you, because you are not even halfway through it, when you hear the door open.

You get up immediately and go greet Aaron with a tired smile. You hug him, giving him no time to react any other way, his only choice is to hug you back.

"Hi," you murmur into his chest, you didn't even realise how much more you missed him then usual until now.

"Hi, sweetheart," he says softly, his voice equally as exhausted as yours," what are doing up?"

"I was waiting for you," you say even if the answer is only half true. Aaron starts to slowly move towards the living room.

"You shouldn't have, it's almost 2 am-" he suddenly stops talking, he goes very still.

You look up at him and follow his gaze. His eyes are wide, but yours are way wider. The big mess of papers is spread all over the couch and the table. It has you embarrassed, cheeks going red.

"What's all this?" he blurts out, but it isn't an unkind question. There's concern all over his face. "Have you and Jack decided to redecorate our living room?" he tries to lighten the mood, when he sees you. You look at the papers in horror.

"I'm sorry," you say quietly and hurry to clean up the mess.

You are stressing over this small thing so much and it has Aaron very worried for you.

He stops your frantic cleaning by cupping your hands in his, "honey...,"he says, "what's wrong, huh? Tell me?" He pleads, his soft eyes on you. He needs to know why you are so anxious right now and he needs to find out how to fix it. Because he can't have his best girl feeling down.

You sigh, before answering," it's just...a lot now. I've got so much work that-that I don't even know what to do first," you voice is thick with frustration and unspilled tears, all the tension from the week coming to the surface," I've bringing the work home, too, working after Jack's gone to sleep. But it's still not enough, it just keep piling and piling. And today, I wanted to get it done before you came."

"W-which as you see I didn't," you sniffle a little, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, sweetheart," Aaron says quickly, " what is going on at the work? Why the hell do you have this much work suddenly?"

Hotch hates too see you this upset over work, he knows, that your work sucks, but it has never been this bed.

"I-I don't really know. I think, it's b-because a few people recently quit the job," you don't need to explain any further, you both know, it's because the work is a lot, even too much sometimes. " So most of us have more work. The boss even asked me to come in tomorrow."

You frown. And Hotch takes one look at you and knows, there's no way you'll be going to work tomorrow. You look like you have slept less than Aaron this week, which already says a lot, because Aaron barely slept at all.

"Why don't you go to the bedroom and change into something more comfy, we can put a movie on?" he suggests as he gently maneuvers you towards the bedroom.

You want to protest, but he doesn't let you, "you are clearly tired and overwhelmed, honey. You need to take a break or else you can get hurt," he gives you a serious look, it's a look that he sometimes uses to tell off Jack, stern but affectionate.

"How about we both take the weekend off too, hmm?" he asks.

"They won't let me-"

"Whatever, you'll call in sick," he says it so casually.

"B-but I can't, they could fire me," you try to reason.

"Then maybe you should quit, we both know, it's been on your mind for quite some time, sweetheart," if it was up to him, you wouldn't have to work at all, he earns enough money for the three of you. But he knows, you would never let him do that.

"Yes, but I don't know..." you would love to quit immediately, but where would you go? It's not that easy to find another job.

"I understand," he nods and he warmly strokes your cheeks, wiping away a few tears that escaped your eyes," we'll talk about it tomorrow, yeah?"

You nod and he kisses your temple tenderly, he ushers you away with the promise of being right behind you.

He cleans up the papers and hides them out of the sight, like one would with something very tempting.

And as he promised, he is in the bed, pulling you into his embrace in a matter of seconds. He keeps you in a tight hug, his big hands running up and down your back as the movie plays in the background.

But neither of you pay attention to it. Hotch is too busy with doting and loving on you, while you are too busy blushing and trying not to cry over how sweet and caring Aaron is.

It's safe to say, that you definitely won't be leaving Aaron's arms in the morning to go to work. Especially when Jack will be for 100 percent joining your cuddling session in the morning.

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner angst #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner

[nowritingonthewall]

Absolutely loved your 👶 and 💍 headcannons for Steven, not to mention Marc’s marriage headcannons. If you don’t mind, could you do 👶 headcannons with Jake and Marc (and possibly 💍 for Jake)?

Hello lovely Nonnie, here comes part two 🥰

!Content warning for pregnancy, parenthood, and past trauma!

Please be aware that I am neither an expert on DID nor on trauma.

Angsty because it’s Marc, but also fluffy because he deserves it.

👶 Family headcanons with Marc Spector (x female reader)

- When you first find out that you are pregnant, Marc is absolutely terrified of the idea of becoming a father. No matter how far he may have come on his healing journey, a part of him is still grappling with the guilt of not being able to save his little brother, while another part keeps telling him that he wasn’t able to protect Steven the way that he should have.

How could he, Marc Spector, who ruins the life of everybody that he gets in contact with, be trusted with the responsibility of taking care of something as precious and fragile and helpless as a newborn child? And what about when they grow up? What will happen if his child witnesses him being triggered into a melt down, what kind of pain will he inflict upon them if he isn’t able to control his rage and aggression in front of them? And his nightmare of all nightmares: What if he turns into his mother?

- So, while Steven dives straight into learning everything possible there is to know about pregnancy and child birth, as Jake launches ‘Project mission impossible: making your flat child safe’,  Marc falls back on his instinct to retreat and let Steven and Jake be the fathers that your child deserves. Of course, neither you nor his alters are ready to accept that.

It’ll take a lot of love and patience to convince him how much he is worthy of being a father, but fortunately, he has got you and Steven and Jake to help and support him (and he doesn��t deserve any less).

- During the first few weeks of your pregnancy, he carefully avoids your bump as if he could hurt your unborn child just by touching it.

When his hand lands on your belly for the first time by pure accident and he can feel the little one reacting to him, it suddenly hits him in all its brutal force, the reality of it all and the small and precious little life growing inside of you. But before the rising panic can get a proper hold of him, you carefully lay a re-assuring hand over his, while you gently cup his face with your other hand and remind him how to breathe and that he wasn’t alone and that everything was going to be okay. When his breathing returns to normal, you ask him carefully whether he would like to see the first sonogram of his son. Not letting go of his hand, you wait until he nods ever so slightly before presenting him with the very first ultrasonic scan of your child. You can see a whole galaxy of emotions pass through his eyes before he looks back to you with a soft yet determined gentleness.

Marc is a protector. And while his unshakable need to protect the ones he loves may not erase his fears, it is certainly strong enough to pose a counterweight to be reckoned with. And you are there. And Steven. And Jake.

And maybe… just maybe… it is going to be okay…

- His protectiveness doesn’t only go through the roof; it flies right to the end of the universe and back again. You so much as think of lifting anything heavier than a cup of tea and he is at your side immediately, offering a helping hand. (He respects you way too much to simply take anything out of your hands, but he is always there to offer his help.)

At the slightest sign of you showing any discomfort, he’s there, with no need or wish of you being too ridiculous or too exhausting to fulfil. Even though he may struggle to put his feelings into words, his actions more than speak for themselves.

He would take all the pain from you, if only he could find a way to do so.

- Your sudden mood swings are particularly hard on him in the beginning. Every time you start to cry for no apparent reason, he defaults to assuming that he must have done something wrong. Even after Steven has had a long and detailed discussion with him about “those bleedin’ ‘ormones”.

Yet, no matter how much it may hurt himself to see you in discomfort and no matter how helpless he may feel upon having to watch you being in pain without being able to do anything to ease it, he swallows it all down, as he lies down with you, gently holding you and hugging you and stroking your back until you are feeling a little better.

- The first time that Marc finds himself completely alone with your son lying in front of him on the changing table, he struggles to fight against the all too familiar rising panic of doing something wrong.

As his son looks up at him with his bright and shining eyes, he can see Steven in them, his wonder and curiosity. He can see Roro in them, his innocence and admiration for his older brother. He remembers how his mother would shush him away harshly, whenever he wanted to help her take care of little Roro. As if he could hurt his little brother, simply by being there. And somehow it was always his fault whenever Roro started to cry.

But instead of starting to cry when Marc cradles his head with his warm protective hand ever so softly, his son squeals and kicks his little legs into the air, before trying to grab for Marc’s curls.

And then he can see himself. Innocent little Marc who never understood what he had done to deserve to be treated like that by his mother. Before he had given her a reason to hate him. And as his silent tears start to fall, Steven’s words are echoing through his mind, “It wasn’t your fault!”

With the excited babbling of his son bringing him back to the present, he begins to smile through his tears. One of those rare and real Marc smiles.

Placing the softest of kisses on his son’s forehead, he whispers, “Hey, little one. I am sorry that you’re stuck with me as your dad. But you’ve got the best mommy in the whole world and your other two dads are there to make sure that I don’t screw up, okay? And… I promise that I’m always gonna be there for you, little one!”

- In the beginning, Marc feels somewhat anxious about never knowing what to say to your little son (and later your daughter) and just chatter away like Steven would. He doesn’t really know any lullabies, either, because he can’t remember his parents ever singing to him and the memory of his mother singing to Roro is still too painful to explore. So at one point he starts to gently hum whatever melody comes to his mind and your little ones don’t seem to mind at all to be softly lulled to sleep by hard rock or metal melodies.

The first few times you catch him doing so, he immediately stops, all flustered and maybe even a little ashamed. So you start to listen from the next room, which may be a little sneaky, but you can’t resist that beautiful sound of his voice, gently floating through your flat like a soothing and nourishing balm for everything that is hurting in your mind and heart and soul.

One night, though, when the both of you are particularly exhausted and your son won’t stop crying, no matter how hard you try to soothe him, and you are fighting to get up again, Marc softly tells you to go back to sleep, even though he is hardly able to keep himself up on his own two feet himself. A few minutes later you find them on the coach, your little son curled up on Marc’s chest, his little fingers buried into the fabric of his dad’s shirt, slumbering peacefully as Marc keeps gently humming what happens to be your very favourite song. When he doesn’t stop upon noticing you standing in the doorway, you tiptoe over to them, carefully smooth a stray curl from his face and place a soft kiss to his forehead before whispering, “You’ve got a lovely voice, sweetie. May I join you?” Probably too tired to protest, he just smiles and nods, reaching out his arm for you to invite you to snuggle up to him. 

So now, whenever you are the one who can’t sleep or you are just yearning for a little peace of mind, you ask Marc whether he could hum a little tune for you with that beautifully soothing voice of his. And he is always happy to hold you tight while softly lulling you to sleep.

- Marc prefers structured baby carriers to buggies and strollers. With his kids safely secured to him, it’s so much easier to keep his hands free for fighting off villains and potential kidnapping attempts. Even while constantly scanning your surroundings, he keeps checking on your kids every few seconds, making sure that they are still comfortable and their head doesn’t loll into a weird position. You don’t think you’ll ever get used to the warm feeling that caresses your heart whenever you see his eyes soften as he looks down at your children in complete awe, the little wonder so close to his heart.

- Marc never leaves your little ones to cry on their own. Especially after you have reassured him that it is literally impossible to love and comfort a baby too much.

As soon as he hears the tiniest of sobs in the next room, he needs to check on them. Always careful, never overwhelming them with his protective yet calm manners, but always there in case they might need him. And your little ones know that he’ll be their safe haven as soon as they reach out their little arms for him.

Now and then he has to stifle a sob over how trusting your children are towards him. And even though you always notice, he usually acts as if it was nothing. But he’ll still allow you to pull him into a hug and melts into you as you gently stroke over his hair, placing a loving and knowing kiss on top of his head.

With every reassuring word from you, the raging screams of his mother in his mind are fading a little more and every time that his kids are reaching out for him with nothing but endless trust in their eyes, another wound in his heart begins to heal.

- Marc doesn’t let loose easily. Even though his frown is turned upside down a lot more frequently ever since your children came into your life, it still takes a lot for him to let down his guard. So you are more than a little surprised when you come home during your kids’ very first mummy wrap game that quickly turned into a full blown toilet paper battle and it’s actually Marc fronting and laughing until is beautiful eye crinkles are sprinkled with tears of happiness.

Instead of stern looks or even screams reprimanding him, he is met with the delighted squeals and giggles of his children, which are soon accompanied by your wonderful laughter. So he doesn’t stop until every piece of toilet paper is destroyed and you are all lying on the floor cuddled together for official peace talks. The moment that he properly takes in the mess and the first signs of guilt start to creep up on his face, you pull him closer and cover his face in soft little kisses so that those nasty feelings immediately surrender and retreat to where they came from.  

- We know that Marc is the most ticklish one of your boys and he loves to draw those little giggles from your kids after finding out that gently tickling them is such a lovely way to make them smile again, whenever they seem close to crying (though he always goes through his little checklist to make sure that everything else is okay, first).

That is, until your kids become a little older and Jake sneakily teaches them how to tickle back. Your beloved cosy morning cuddle sessions with Marc and your little ones quickly turn into absolute mayhem after that.

- Marc has a hard time saying no to his children, unless there’s an immediate threat to their safety (and even then it breaks his heart to see their disappointed faces). Sometimes you come home to find him covered from head to toe in finger paint as your kids are discovering their artistic talents. Sometimes you find him with a hundred little tails and bows in his hair. And sometimes you just have to rescue him after being tied to a chair for hours.

- Marc used to love the original Star Wars trilogy when he was a kid. In fact, those were probably the only movies that came even close to rivalling his love for Tomb Buster. And despite all the pain that comes with remembering how he used to watch them with his little brother, re-discovering that universe with your children gives him a chance to balance those painful memories with more happy ones.

When your little family sits down in front of the tv to watch The Force Awakens for the very first time together, it doesn’t take long for your kids’ eyes to grow larger than the moon. As a certain dashingly handsome and brave flyboy appears on the screen, your son’s eyes dart to his dad. And he looks back at the screen. And he looks at his dad. And he looks back at the screen. And he looks at his dad. And he looks back at the screen. And he looks at his dad. And then he lowers his voice, whispering conspiratorially, “Dad, are you… are you a hero in disguise on a secret undercover mission?”

As you involuntarily snort into your tea, your daughter explains matter-of-factly, “Of course he’s a hero, dummy. That’s why there are never any monsters under our bed. Have you seen the size of the spider he caught in the kitchen yesterday?”

Needless to say who Marc has to disguise as for Halloween for the next couple of years. And your kids are very persistent in their opinion of believing that of all the boys, Marc is the one that resembles Poe the most. Even more so when you’re able to convince him to grow those poe-tic mini sideburns (which only takes, like, two days).

And after an exciting evening of guising (or trick-or-treating), he turns into an X-wing and carries his little rebels safely back home. 

- Marc gives the warmest, most comforting and reassuring hugs imaginable. And your children never completely outgrow their longing for being welcomed by his open arms. Whether they just need a shoulder to cry on or a moment of really basking in the warmth of feeling unconditionally loved and cared for, completely safe as if nothing in the universe could ever hurt them.

His hugs were really born from his endless need to protect and comfort his children, while at the same time being convinced that anything he might say would only make things worse. So he had just hoped that your children would be able to feel at least a fraction of the love and care that he put into each of his hugs.

When your daughter gets her heart broken by a boy for the very first time and you aren’t home yet, he sits with her for hours, desperately trying to ignore all the things that he would like to do to that bastard. Just holding her close to his heart, gently stroking up and down her back. Answering each of her sobs with a soft kiss to her temple. Hugging her a little tighter whenever a new wave of tears begins to fall.  

When her sobs begin to subside, she looks up at him, smiling through her tears, and gives him a heart-felt kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you, Dad!”

“What for, Sweetie?”

“For… well... you never try to talk me out of my shitty feelings. You just accept them and me, and… and… and are just there for me. And… I love you, Dad!”

Now it’s Marc that needs a hug. All this time he has thought that nothing he could try would ever be good enough. And now it looks like the parts of him that make him feel like failing his children the most are actually exactly what they seem to have needed all along.

He gets that hug and so much more when you find him on the couch that night, after having a long comforting session with your daughter yourself. And it seems like you know exactly what’s going through his mind. Somehow, you always know.

Wrapping your arms around him from behind, you slowly let your hands wander down his arms until your chin comes to rest on his shoulder and you can intertwine your hands with his.

“You’re a wonderful dad, Marc.”

“Yeah… because of Steven and Jake and you.”

“And you!” You gently cup his cheek and guide his head to make him look at you.

“Your children love you, Marc. We love you!”

Before his first sob can really break to the surface, you catch it with your wonderfully warm lips. Your own tears are threatening to fall when you can feel how easily he melts into your embrace. How readily he buries his face in the crook of your neck as if it was the most natural place for him to rest his head. How he completely trusts you to hold him and everything that he is carrying in his heart.

How so much of his pain and despair has turned into trust and love.

And maybe. Maybe it really is going to be okay.

#marc spector #moon knight #oscar isaac #marc spector x reader #marc x reader #marc spector x you #reader insert #fanfiction #chrissie tries to write #chrissie gifs #tw: pregnancy #tw: children #tw: parenthood #tw: trauma

[mikaela-the-slut-expert]

If you do take requests at this moment, can I request a Hualian x GN reader where reader feels like the third wheel, and when Hualian look further into reader, they find out that reader is hurting themselves/trying to change in the way they look

That Hualian would baby reader, like take sharp objects out of arm’s reach, or spoon feed reader when it’s time to eat. Giving reader kisses and words of affirmation every time they’re around

Lol, I’m feeling very angsty, but if this request is a little too far, you don’t have to do it (I hope you’re doing great! Make sure to drink enough water!) 🥰

Shape Shifting Heart

HuaLian x gn!reader

Ignore grammar mistakes

Slight OOC

Made up looks about reader for plot

Tyyy Pepsi zero has become my hydration 😔🙏

Also I'm so sorry for disappearing but I've had like the worst few months of my life ever so 😃🙏 bear with me

____________________________________

Being with Xie Lian and San Lang is the best thing that has ever happened to you. There's so much love to go around with three people and everyone is always taking care of each other! So you never listened to people being hateful about it, whether that be other gods or ghosts. You guys are happy and that all that matters right?

What happens when all of you aren't happy, when it's just one person bringing down the mood and the whole relationship? That's how you've been feeling lately. You haven't been much use to Xie Lian and San Lang these days. Often, you've been curled up in bed and staying hidden under the covers. For what reason? They don't know. You won't talk to them, and while Xie Lian and San Lang pride themselves on knowing you inside and out they can't figure out what's wrong.

You can't tell them. It's kind of embarrassing, humiliating even. How do you tell your lovers, "I feel like the third wheel, I feel neglected and left out" to the two kindest people you've ever met. Everything you do seems to make it worse and you're trying your best so you don't understand why it seems to put your relationship more on edge.

You had honestly just wanted to sulk and pout for a few days in bed over something silly. When they stopped visiting the bedroom it became a problem. All you do is lie here so what could possibly have made them want to leave you alone? You aren't even doing anything to warrant them off! Xie Lian and San Lang easily coddle each other all the time so why don't they think to do it with you? They stopped coming to the shared bedroom, even going as far to sleep in another bedroom together, but by themselves without you.

It only made you feel worse, are you so depressed and off putting they don't want to be near you now? Sadness becomes frustration and it fuels you to get out of bed in what has been weeks. You leave the room disheveled and groggy hoping to find one of your lovers to receive some affection, to you it feels like you haven't had in forever.

You find them together in the kitchen, an awfully domestic scene. Xie Lian cooking dinner and San Lang attached by the hip. The way San Lang holds Xie Lian's waist and stays close while Xie Lian bustles around the kitchen. Where you had once been and would usually love to hear the sound of their laughs and love filled giggles all it sounds like is mocking joy of what you once felt. How many nights has it been like this? How many nights have they been content without you?

"Making dinner without me?" You pipe up, leaning against the kitchen counter. Making dinner is a silly thing to be upset about. A part of you feels awful for being so jealous but the other doesn't. It's not like you're jealous of San Lang or jealous of Xie Lian. You don't spite a specific person. You're just jealous of the love they share, of their bond. You're envious of their happiness, you just want to be included too!

"Ah, y/n!", Xie Lian gives a wobbly smile, "Of course not" Xie Lian didn't know how to bring up that they've been trying to give you space. He doesn't know how to say it in a way that would sound reasonable to you. These days you've been a little irritated and you easily take words they say but add a whole new meaning to it. They know it's not your fault, it's one of your episodes maybe.

No one moves. They don't know whether to extend a hand to invite you or not but you seem to take it upon yourself. You walk closer and stick right up to Xie Lian's and San Lang's side. The tension - you can't tell if you're imagining it or not, you've been imagining a lot these days - is thick. "Well I feel a little better so I'll join from now on, what are you making?" You try to make conversation, you try to move closer in hopes that the domestic scene will just continue.

It doesn't. The room is tense and so are your lovers. You hate it. It makes you want to lash out, cry, and scream. Xie Lian and San Lang seem to be walking on eggshells around you and you don't know why. You've never gotten angry with them before, you've never been violent or aggressive with them so why are they acting like you're a ticking bomb?

San Lang attempts to break the tense atmosphere first. Wrapping hesitant hands around your waist and nuzzling into your hair, hair he will not mention is a bit notty. "We missed you" he murmurs into your long, bright locs. "We're glad you feel better" this seems to get the night moving smoothly again. It's pathetic how quickly you melt into San Lang's touch and preen at his words. It finally feels like you're included in the domestic picture they make.

The three of you eat dinner and enjoy it, Xie Lian's cooking has been getting a lot better but that's probably because you and San Lang were in the kitchen to help him. You're filled with a deep satisfaction when Xie Lian gently grabs your hand and all of you go to your shared bedroom together. Xie Lian pulls you into bed and They cuddle up next to you under the covers, placing gentle kisses on your face and shoulders.

You feel suddenly energetic because of the affection you're receiving. Making you giggle and kissing them back with new found passion. You won't lie you guys haven't had sex in a while so. . . You easily climb on San Lang, and straddle his hips. Kissing him eagerly and nipping against his lips. They weren't expecting you to be so eager but who are they to deny you.

Xie Lian gets behind you and slips off your robe, running his hands over your body. Your back, arms, hips, and thighs- your thighs. Xie Lian's hands freeze, and moves his hands as if he's been scalded. The sudden movement catches San Lang's attention and he sits up but he keeps you in his lap. "Gege what's wrong?" San Lang stares at Xie Lian and suddenly all the attention is off you. Somewhere inside you, you feel a little miffed at Xie Lian's reaction.

But you're concerned too so you turn your head to your other lover with concerned eyes, however Xie Lian is the one staring at you with pity. He turns on the light and sits next to San Lang. "His thighs, San Lang. . ." You scrunch your face. Of course that's what Xie Lian reacted so strongly about. While you were rotting in bed you were feeling so down in the dumps. So- so maybe you took it out on yourself and used your sword on your own skin.

It's not that big of a deal, they're already healed and just remain thick scars across your thighs but it matters to your lovers greatly. They've explored your body many times, and they know these are new. "Baobei, what happened?" Xie Lian cups your face with gentle hands but you turn your head the other way. You're irritated the night has stopped over something so trivial. "Nothing important, I was just feeling upset a few weeks ago, it's trivial now. Can't we just- can we not focus on that?"

Your face is scrunched in irritation and you try to roll your hips against San Lang but he removes you from his lap and onto the silk covers. You groan in frustration. The night was going perfectly and now it's all messed up! San Lang's eyes narrow as he gazes over your legs, and you swallow nervously. "This isn't something we can just ignore Y/n. You know that. . . Let's stop here for tonight" If it were San Lang saying it you wouldn't have minded as much but it's Xie Lian.

Xie Lian loves San Lang's body even with the scars on it so why won't he love yours?! "We don't have to stop! Just- ignore it, would you please?! I can get rid of them, I can look like whatever you want me to be! " You never notice when you start heaving for breath, when tears line your eyes and you try to cling to one of your lovers. You don't notice when you subconsciously change your body into something else because it's something you've always had the power to do.

So when your skin becomes smooth again, and unmarked it's something you don't even look over. But for Xie Lian and San Lang it's completely different. It's like looking at a stranger's body. Like looking at somebody who's never worked a day in their life, someone who has never gone to battle, something you are not but you're desperately trying to be. You have no scars, and the callouses on your hands have disappeared. They've memorized everything on you and now you've made yourself look completely different.

To you, it feels like they look at you with disgust and anger. You're breaking down and it's not something you're even registering. "Y/n stop!" San Lang gives up on keeping you on the bed and he lets you crawl into his lap, he cups your face with surprisingly gentle hands that contradict his angry voice. "Breathe Baobei" he rubs comforting circles into your hips and Xie Lian rubs your back. They're trying to get you to breathe and to stop hyperventilating.

San Lang never looks away from you, and he plants tiny kisses in your cheeks to get rid of your tears. When did you start crying? You don't remember. You eventually calm down from listening to your lovers instructions and their loving touches. When you're finally breathing normally again and the tension leaves your body they try talking to you again. Xie Lian rubs his fingers through your hair, he doesn't like how you've easily changed yourself. He misses your bright locs not the dark ones you've decided to take on. He kisses your head. "I want to talk to my Y/n now. Can I?" Xie Lian asks sweetly.

You've always been you but he wants to talk to his lover not the made up version of yourself. You sniffle and San Lang pats your waist. You take the encouragement and change back to your original body. When you make a weird noise in your throat that sounds close to a sob Xie Lian wraps around you and kisses your nape. "That's good Baobei, we're proud of you." San Lang and Xie Lian glance at each other and in that moment decide to drop the topic about your new found scars. They can only try to find the root of the issue now.

San Lang kisses your forehead and then below your eyes and then your lips. "Tell us what's wrong?" San Lang poses it as a question. As in, you don't have to but it would greatly help them if you did. You feel pathetic and selfish. You don't know why you broke down over something so silly and foolish. "I-I felt, I felt like a t-third wheel. You guys seem so happy without me and all I do is mess up, I'm sorry " you start to cry again and you rub at your eyes harshly but San Lang holds your wrists gently and keeps them away from your eyes.

Xie Lian kisses your shoulder. "There's nothing to be sorry for baobei. No one's at fault." He runs his hands over your thighs, making circles with his fingers. "We didn't mean to make you feel left out, we just wanted to give you space. We thought that's what you needed" Xie Lian explains softly. You nod and sniffle. That's more reasonable than whatever your mind came up with. San Lang pulls you closer by the waist. "If we make you feel like that tell us Baobei, we'll fix it immediately" he says with narrowed eyes. You know he isn't upset with you and he's probably beating himself up for not being able to tell. You kiss him deeply and sigh against his lips.

"M'sorry, I know you love me I just- my mind tells me awful things." You whisper in San Lang's lips and kiss him again. San Lang grunts and playfully tugs a piece of your hair. "Should I beat it up for you?" It makes you giggle.

🦊🪷

For the next few days and even few weeks they baby you endlessly. Xie Lian keeps an eye on sharp objects and makes sure you can't get into the weapons room. He also confiscated your sword and he won't even let you hold knives in the kitchen. The only sword you're allowed to be around is E'ming and they know you wouldn't do that to him or San Lang.

They have no problem with dragging you everywhere they go and often San Lang likes to feed you during meals. At first you blushed and insisted you could do it yourself but San Lang waved your concerns away and said "Let me take care of you". They coddle you a lot and one of them is always in the room with you. You know now that you need to work on your communication and not let your mind get to you. It was a big misunderstanding but San Lang and Xie Lian treat it as if it was a genuine problem.

You're suffocated with love but you wouldn't change it for the world.

#tgcf #tgcf headcanon #hualian #hualian x reader #hua cheng x reader #tgcf hua cheng #tgcf hualian #tgcf x male reader #tgcf xie lian #xie lian x reader #mxtx tgcf #tgcf angst

[venerawrites]

Hi! I'm so excited you're writing for Naruto 🥰 So many blogs don't really write for it anymore, so I'm so grateful 🫶🏻 Could I please request Kakashi x fem reader angst, where reader and Kakashi are in an established relationship, maybe even married, but they get ambushed on a mission and reader sacrifices herself to save him? I really love Kakashi and I'm in an angsty kinda mood. Anyway thank you so much, I hope this is okay. Have a nice day! ❤️

author's note: I'm so sorry this took ages to write! I keep slipping in and out of angsty mood, so it did take longer than expected! x anyway, I really hope you enjoy it, and thank you so much for requesting! <3

warnings: mentions of death, blood, alcohol abuse

Never mix personal life with your professional duties.

This was one of the most important rules of the shinobi world. They have tried to drill this mantra into your heads since your early teenage years and kept repeating it every so often, just in case you forget.

Growing up, it was easy to follow this principle - all of your friends were civilians and you weren't particularly close with anyone from the academy, so you lived your life in peace, knowing that you don't have to worry about the people you loved and cared about.

Little did you know, however, that a certain white-haired shinobi would change that in your adulthood...

You heard of Kakashi in your early academy days. Being three years older than you and already an ANBU, your knowledge about him was based only on the rumours that kept circling the village about his past and the unfortunate death of his teammates. But it wasn't till he became a Jonin sensei, that you had the chance to meet him for the first time.

You did not have a team to lead on your own, but due to your hard work and devotion to the kids in the academy, you were often sent to help with their training and low-level missions. Team 7 was often the one needing the most help since it not only consisted of the stubborn and grumpy last survivor of the Uchiha clan, but also the hyper-energetic and mischievous 9 tails Jinchuriki.

Naturally, you and Kakashi became close. Having to supervise and protect a group of highly intelligent, stubborn, and, often, reckless genins proved to be a good enough reason for you to form some from of a friendship.

It did take a couple of years for love to blossom between you. With him being occupied primarily with the training of young ninjas and ensuring the safety of the Hidden Leaf Village, romance was not one of the things on his list of priorities. And at the time he was fine with this - you can't miss something that you never had.

But the more you matured, the more you gravitated towards each other. You worked so well together, that you started to be regularly paired for missions excluding his students. Soon after, you started to spend time outside work together. Before you knew it, you became partners in more sense than once.

And the more time passed, the more blurry the line between work and pleasure became... to the point that one single mistake changed everything.

It was a peaceful night when it happened. A day away from Konoha, you, Guy, and Kakashi were resting on your way back from delivering the sealed scrolls containing information about the next Chunin exams to Suna. You had found a small cave, tucked deep in the forest, and decided it was the perfect place to hide not only from any potential attacks, but also from the raging rain outside.

"C'mon!", you nudged Kakashi's shoulder with your own, before throwing one look at sleeping Guy and turning back to your lover, "He is deep asleep, he won't hear a thing."

The white-haired ninja gave you a stern look, but the little smile that formed on his covered lips betrayed his real mood. Moving his focus on the fire before you, he poked the burning wood with a stick, before mumbling:

"One more reason to stay still and alert", he pointed out, giving you a playful side glance, "We are supposed to be on guard."

Rolling your eyes, you let out a childish puff and crossed your arms in front of your chest.

"Guard from what? The owls?", you whined, before nudging him one more time, "C'mon, Kakashi! One kiss is all I am asking for! I haven't kissed you in like... weeks!"

"We have been away only for a few days", he lifted his brow in amusement, before leaning towards you, "And I am pretty sure you managed to steal yourself a kiss this morning. Your math is awfully bad, little dove."

You opened your mouth to respond, but quickly closed it after no good comeback came to your mind. It was true that you last shared a kiss this morning and you did exaggerate a bit about the time that has passed since then, but can anyone blame you? You were deep in your honeymoon phase when all you could think about was your lover and the feeling of his lips against yours... And making it worse, was the fact that he purposefully took with him that rich and smoky smelling perfume, that was driving you insane.

"Kakashi!", you whined his name, giving him a pleading look. Tilting his head to the side, he let out a chuckle, before carefully pulling his mask down, exposing his beautiful face.

Slowly leaning towards you, he maintained eye contact, before pressing his slightly chapped lips against yours. Immediately fluttering your eyes close, your hands found their way behind your neck, pressing his face closer toward you. Letting out a contempt sigh, you leaned to your right, giving you a better angle to keep up with the sensual dance your mouths indulged in.

After a few seconds, he pulled away, pressing the cold metal of his headband against your forehead. His breath was heavy and he gave himself a minute, calming his wildly beating heart.

"Happy, little dove?"

A wide smile stretched on your face and you eagerly nodded your head, about to respond, when you suddenly got interrupted by the loud sound of a kunai landing right above your head. Both you and Kakashi, immediately jumped from your places, your hands already reaching for your own weapons, while you shouted to Guy to wake up.

Your attackers quickly filled the cave and they visibly outnumbered you, leaving you to fight two of them each. You knew Kakashi and Guy could handle themselves, they were one of the most skillful shinobi in Konoha, after all. Yet the moment you saw one of the ninjas sneaking behind your lover's back with a sword raised high in the air, your feet suddenly had a mind of their own. You dodged a punch aimed at your face, but rather than fighting back, your body threw itself behind Kakashi, a piercing scream leaving your lips once the blade went through your stomach.

The world around the white-haired ninja abruptly stopped.

All the shouting, the sound of clashing weapons, Guy's screams for him to focus... the moment he fell your body crashing against his, it was all silence. His arms instinctively wrapped around you, protecting you from falling on the rocky ground, while his knees gave up under him. One of his hands immediately moved towards your wound, trying his best to stop the bleeding, while his other one found its way towards your face.

Kakashi's fingers shakily moved towards your forehead, moving away the few damp pieces of hair sticking to your skin. Tracing the side of your cheek, he didn't even notice he was crying, till a few teardrops fell down onto your skin. Your eyes, which were also glossy, stared at him and your lips moved, trying to say something, but the only thing that came out was blood.

"Shh, don't talk", Kakashi choked out, pressing his fingers against your mouth. Finally gaining the courage to look down, all the breath left his body once he saw how much blood you were losing, despite his best attempts to stop the bleeding.

"We have to get you to the village the fastest way possible", he muttered with a shaking voice, his arms sneaking under your body in order to lift you. You moaned from pain at the contact, using the last bit of energy to grab one of his wrists.

"N-no...", you whispered, a hefty amount of blood dripping from the corner of your mouth, "Hel-.. He.. Help Guy..."

Hearing the name of your teammate, Kakashi finally remembered you were not alone, and his head whipped around only to find the other male continuing the fight all by himself. His rough posture and scratches covering all over his face were showing he would not last long and Kakashi immediately felt his chest tightening.

He knew he had to join in and help him, but how could he leave you all alone, bleeding to your death?

Almost as if you were reading his mind, you weakly squeezed the wrist in your hold:

"Go...", you muttered, your lips twitching into a small, sad smile, "I... I will... b-be... f-fine."

"Little dove, don't... I... Why...", Kakashi cried out, not sure how to finish this sentence. Grasping your face with his hands, he pressed his mouth against yours, ignoring the metallic taste that immediately washed over his senses once your blood touched his tongue. His tears were now freely falling from his eyes and he could not hold his sobs back any longer.

Your lips weakly moved against his for a minute, before you had to sharply take a breath. Your consciousness was slowly slipping away and your gaze was now cloudy, unable to focus on one particular thing. You felt coldness slowly making its way through your limbs, bringing a strangely welcoming feeling of numbness and peace. Despite your vision getting blurry, your head tilted to the side, the outline of your lover's face still clear.

"I.. I love y-you", you breathed out, one final tear making its way from the corner of your eye. Kakashi carefully caught it with his thumb, his head violently shaking from side to side.

"No, no, no!", he kept repeating, his voice cracking, "Please just... please just stay with me!"

Your stare remained unmoving and it took a few seconds for the white-haired ninja to realize that your breathing had stopped as well.

It was too late...

you were gone.

Dozens of feelings washed over the Leaf shinobi at the same time. Pain. Sadness. Rage. Shock.

With an angry scream, he pressed your now limp body against him, while one of his hands moved to move his headband away from his face, showing his already glowing Sharingan.

The fight lasted a few minutes afterward, maybe even less. Fuelled by his raw pain, Kakashi did not hold himself back, slaying all of the enemy ninjas one by one. Soon the ground was crimson red and the only remaining sound was the white-haired man rigid breathing and the sound of the rain, which kept pouring outside the cave.

"Kakashi...", Guy carefully said, his gaze moving to your already cold body which rested in the corner of the cave. He bit his lip, unsure what to say, choosing instead to remain still and quiet. He couldn't control himself, however, once Kakashi's heavy breathing turned into sobs again, and he wrapped his arms around his friend.

"I am sorry...", the black-haired man sighed, a shaky breath leaving his lips as well. His own eyes started to tear up and he tried his best to blink them away, a poor attempt to remain strong for your lover, who was already falling apart in his arms.

The next few hours they spent in silence, with Guy guarding the entrance, while Kakashi held your cold hand in his own, his eyes staring at your face like he hoped you were just in a deep sleep and would wake up any moment.

Or perhaps, he was hoping that he was the one dreaming and that once the sun rose high in the sky, he would wake up, finding your smiling face nested comfortably between his neck and shoulder...

But that never happened. Instead, the hours kept passing with him frozen in his place next to you, till Guy gently laid his hand on his back, telling him it was time to go. With one last kiss on your cold forehead, Kakashi took off his jacket and laid it carefully over your body, before scooping it in his arms.

Leaving the cave, his eyes kept staring ahead, his expression now unreadable. The memories of you, that kept flashing before his eyes during the whole night, were now pushed at the back of his brain, while only one though kept occupying his mind:

Never mix personal life with your professional duties.

He failed to do that.

Again.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Tsk, how sad!", the man behind Kakashi muttered under his breath, "I bet he is spending his whole pay on drinks again!"

The woman next to him shushed him, hitting him on the shoulder while doing so.

"Be quiet!", she scolded, "He will hear you!"

The man scoffed, his eyes not moving from the white-haired ninja before him, who kept calmly putting his shopping away, without even glancing in their direction.

"Well, let him hear! Because it is pathetic, it's what it is!", he grumbled, making sure to speak as loudly as he could, "One of our best ninjas turned alcoholic... Look at him! He doesn't even look like himself anymore!"

Years ago Kakashi would have turned around and silenced them just with a glare. But now... he had no more energy for that.

Because they didn't understand and would never be able to understand what he had gone through. They would never have to bear the burden of having someone else's blood on their hands, neither would they experience the feeling of guilt that would tear their soul apart, a constant reminder that they could not protect the ones they loved.

So why would he bother explaining to them that the only reason why he had to be under the influence, was because this was the only way to feel close to you again? The only way to silence the voices inside his head, which kept reminding him how it was him who was supposed to be dead, not you?

Instead of replying, he just grabbed his bag and exited the shop. He walked hurriedly towards his house, eager to open the bottle of sake he just bought and mute the feeling of missing you, that kept breaking his heart every single time he was completely sober.

"Kakashi!", Guy's voice sounded somewhere behind him, and his step halted for a bit, turning around. His friend gave him a little smile, which immediately fell, once his eyes fell on the neck bottle which poked out of Kakashi's bag. It was not easy to watch one of your best friends falling deeper and deeper into a hole, refusing any of your help.

The white-haired man suddenly felt small, almost embarrassed by the look the other male gave him. But instead of waiting, the moment he saw him walking towards him, he just turned around and almost sprinted back to his house.

Closing the door, he let out a breath, he didn't even know he was holding. Kicking his shoes aside, he made his way towards the kitchen and took out the piece of bread and the few bottles of alcohol he had brought earlier. Opening one of them, he didn't even bother to grab a glass, before he made his way towards the bedroom and sat down against his pillows.

Grabbing the picture of you that he kept on the bedside table, he gently traced your smile with his thumb, before taking a sip of his drink. The burning sensation in his throat was irritating, but it was nothing compared to the burning feeling inside his chest.

"We will be together soon, little dove...", he smiled sadly, "I promise."

cc artwork: concept art for "Wheel of Time"

#kakashi hatake #kakashi x reader #kakashi imagines #kakashi fanfiction #naruto imagines #naruto headcanons #kakashi angst

[leclerced]

Sorry 😭 I’m like in a horrifically angsty mood

Little Sainz finding out that Oscar was actually playing her. After he spent hours consoling her and vehemently denying the claims. Just to find out that her brother was actually right and everything was a lie.

Maybe by then Oscar had actually fallen for her but was still playing up the fact that he didn’t to his friends and she overheard the conversation.

-🥰

please ): why do u want to make me sad

oscar thinks she’s asleep so when lando calls, he just steps into the other room and somehow she gets brought up and he tells lando he’s gotta let her down easy and lando’s like “how are you still thinking about dumping her?? you look like a lovesick idiot every time you look at her.” and oscar just says “i mean it was always the plan y’know. i got what i wanted.” he doesn’t comment on how he looks at her or how talking about dumping her is making him feel nauseous, but he doesn’t want to admit that he actually feels something for her.

she’d have woken up as soon as he left the bed, but heard him talking on the phone and knew he’d be coming back to bed when the call ended so she would patiently wait until it’s over. she’s enjoying the sound of his sleepy voice and his low laugh, until she hears him say “i’ve gotta let her down easy.” and “i got what i wanted” and she immediately starts panicking. she feels like she has no one left because after what carlos said to her, she didn’t talk to him. she’s never had her heart broken and she didn’t think oscar would do that to her, she didn’t want to believe carlos. she couldn’t stand looking at him after what he said. she sits up but then doesn’t know what else to do. she’s in oscar’s room and all her stuff is in there and she can’t very well just pack up her shit and walk out, can she? he comes back a minute later, she didn’t even hear him end the call because she’s replaying his words over and over again.

he knows she heard him as soon as he walks back in and sees the look on her face, she’s just staring forward with tears in her eyes. she wouldn’t even notice him entering the room until his weight shifts the bed and she jumps back, scooting into the pillows and jerking the blanket to cover herself. she’s in one of his shirts and her panties, so it’s not like there was much to cover, but she pulls it up to her chin to protect herself from his touch. her voice cracks as she says, “you lied.” and he tries to tell her he was lying to lando, that he wasn’t lying to her, but she repeats his words back to him, i have to let her down easy. then says, “you don’t have to lie anymore. you got what you wanted.” and then she’s curling up and pulling the covers over her face and breaking down in sobs and he wants to comfort her, wants to apologize, wants to promise her he wasn’t lying. but he can’t. he doesn’t know what to do to make it better, to make it right. he doesn’t think he can make up for it, he doesn’t know how.

#ask #little sainz #🥰 anon

[nerdieforpedro]

WIP Wednesday/Thursday

I was tagged by @secretelephanttattoo who's going to have an awesome Marcus Moreno fic coming soon. 🥰 Whoo hoo!

I highly recommend her Quiet Moments collection. 😎

My writing has been a bit off. Darker with angst and triggering themes. I'm trying to find any sort of fluff or levity. It's not happening mostly. I've almost finished a sort of fluffy Joel/Celeste drabble that could have been fluffier but is not. I dunno why. I'm actually in a pretty good mood. I was working on my April Showers challenge and...we'll need more work on it. I wanted to be happy. Anyway, preview time! 😆

Joel and Celeste:

“Just fine little brother. Where ya comin’ from? I haven’t done much today, ‘cept be somewhere at the wrong time.” Joel shrugged his shoulders and gave his brother a quick hug. Tommy patted Celeste’s head and she swatted at his arm. 

“Ugh…Millers. You headed home Tommy?” Smoothing down her hair, she shook her head and looked toward the school again. Looked like he was right, and school was not letting out. She was considering heading home as well. “Tell Maria to make some tea for Joel when you get in.” She smirks and steps away, but Joel grabs the sleeve of her jacket. 

A random Javier Peña x female reader one shot (I've been trying to do a Javi P series forever and it never seems right. So I figured trying to write the man would be good practice. I can't just let there be a happy Javier Peña story. 👀)

You lied right to your friend’s face and told him that you like her, she seemed very sweet, that you three should go out for drinks and that she’s beautiful. The last one wasn’t a lie, she was stunning. The rest of it you’re still unsure how you made it all drop from your mouth so easily. His eyes light up and Javier says something that is as sweet as it is a stab, “I’m glad you like her. I was worried you might not and then I’d have to wonder if she’s really right for me. You’re the best ángel.” You think you smiled and gave him a hug before going back to dealing with the ambassador issue. It’s a blur. Getting back to your office and stopping yourself from yelling took priority over before getting back on the phone.

I'm also trying work on my Ezra, Dieter and Javi G stories. One of these I'll make progress on I think. Maybe even my Lucian mini-series though that one is angsty.

NPT: @rhoorl @maggiemayhemnj @goodwithcheese @julesonrecord @604to647

@angelofsmalldeath-codeine @megamindsecretlair @soft-persephone @soft-girl-musings @i-own-loki

@avastrasposts @tinytinymenace @paulmescal-s @inept-the-magnificent @fhatbhabie

@ohforficsake @alltheglitterandtheroar @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @julesonrecord @djarinmuse

@lotusbxtch @schnarfer @spacecowboyhotch

And anyone else who wants to. 😆

#WIP #wip wednesday #WIP thursday #pedro pascal characters #javier pena fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #the writing has been weird #but good maybe? #I dunno

[seidenbros]

Hey Love! Could you write a little something about yn getting pregnant by Eddie and only finding out three weeks after they broke up and then them getting back together?🥰

Hello my love! Ahhh this is such an angsty and sweet request, and I immediately had this in my head, so I had to write it down today, instead of doing something else (everything else could wait apparently). So I hope you enjoy this, I promise a happy end!

Requests are open | prompt lists for inspiration | Stranger Things Masterlist

Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!Reader Word count: 3k something Warning/Tags: angst, hurt/comfort, nausea/morning sickness, fluff in the end (let me know if I missed something Read on AO3

Follow Your Dreams, They Know the Way

“If you want to leave so badly, then go!”

“That’s not what I said!”

You’d been together for more than a year, even before you’d ended up in class together because Eddie had to repeat his last year. You’d always talked about graduating together, about building a life together after school, even though you hadn’t known where you’d end up, but both of you had agreed to leave Hawkins as soon as possible, get away from all these judgemental people, who talked about Eddie as a freak.

But Eddie hadn’t graduated with you. It had looked promising, and you’d tried your best to help him, had studied with him. Deep down he knew most of the stuff anyway, but there were just some things he couldn’t get into his head. In addition, he’d been nervous about the last tests, because he hadn’t wanted to fuck it up. Maybe, it had been that nervousness that had made him fail the tests.

It had put a damper on your relationship. Not that you were blaming him, but Eddie was blaming himself. You hadn’t made any concrete plans, hadn’t talked about where you wanted to go to university or if you’d end up studying at all, but you’d always wanted to get out as soon as possible. And now you were stuck here for another year - his words not yours.

What was one more year? Maybe, it was actually good in the end, because you’d be able to work full-time, put some money aside, but of course you’d also looked at universities. Universities that weren’t too far away of course, but you’d gotten some pamphlets and whatnot to read up on the different places, on the courses they had, because you still weren’t sure what you wanted to do, so that extra year you now had to think about it, was good for you.

But Eddie… Oh Eddie freaked out when he found the pamphlets in your bag. You were at his trailer, ready to make some dinner for the two of you, since Wayne was at work already, when you told him that you had a tape for him in your bag. One you’d made for him as a little present, a little encouragement after he’d been down for the last few days. It was the first one you’d made for him after you’d gotten one from him at least once a month, so you were rather excited to give it to him - only that he came back with the brochures in hand and asked you about them.

“What’s this?”

“It’s just some brochures. I got them to read up on the universities around here.”

“So you want to leave?”

“No? I’m just getting information.”

“Sure…” he put them down on the kitchen counter and turned his back to you, heading for his bedroom. He was mad. By now, you knew him well enough, knew that he rather left you standing there instead of having this discussion with you. Whenever he was mad, really mad, he opened his mouth before he really thought about his words. But leaving you standing there with this kind of reaction was something you weren’t in the mood for right now. You hadn’t come here to spend the night with Eddie sulking in his corner, because he didn’t speak his mind.

With a sigh you put down the knife, wiped your hands on a towel and followed him.

“I am!” you said firmly, stopping in the door to watch him. He’d grabbed his guitar and was lounging on the bed, his fingers gliding over the strings while he tuned his sweetheart. “What is so wrong about checking out my options?”

“Options?” He looked up at you shaking his head. “That’s what you call it?”

“Of course! We talked about this, but for the future, I’m just checking it out. There’s a couple universities not too far away from here, so I’m looking them up and might go and look at them.”

“If you want to leave so badly, then go!” Eddie’s voice was louder, angry, and you’d never heard him like that.

“That’s not what I said,” you tried to reason with him, it was just something you needed to talk about. You wanted to be honest with him, and you expected the same from him as well. It wasn’t like you were going off to uni any time soon, you were just thinking ahead especially because you didn’t know what you wanted to do with your life.

“I know how this ends…” You’d take a look and you’d never come back. People didn’t stick around when it came to him except for a few exceptions. He had no idea how he’d managed to have you by his side, and he marvelled at the fact every day. You certainly deserved better than him in his opinion, and maybe you were realising that now as well. “I’m not holding you back.”

“Eddie, what the fuck are you talking about?” An exasperated sigh left your lips, your eyes still on him, on the tension in his shoulders. He was exuding anger, but in reality it was more pain and fear than anything else, but you couldn’t tell the difference right now with your heart pretty much banging against your ribs because of his words.

“Go!” he said firmly, raised his head to look at you again. “Get out of here, out of Hawkins. I’m not keeping you here. Go and live your best fucking life!”

“You’re not being serious…” You took a step back, grabbed onto the doorframe, because you couldn’t believe your ears. You didn’t want to leave Hawkins without him, didn’t want to leave him, because you loved this man with all your heart.

“Yes I am.” Eddie swallowed heart, dropped his gaze back down to his guitar so that he wouldn’t have to look in your eyes again, see the pain reflected in them, because it pained him as well. But he didn’t want to be the reason you stayed here, when there was so much more waiting for you out there. “Go.”

“Eddie, this is-”

“I said go! We’re done!” Eddie pressed his lips together, eyes downcast, but he still heard the sob that escaped your throat when you turned around and ran out of the trailer.

—

Three weeks had passed, and you still missed him, played the conversation over and over in your head. At least you didn’t have your parents around this week, because they were on vacation. They’d asked you to come along when they’d planned the trip, but back then you’d wanted to spend that time with Eddie. Nobody would have guessed that he’d dump you, not with how happy you’d been - up until that evening.

It was actually quite nice to be alone at home, or at least without your parents, because your friend Robin had been spending quite some time with you. For a couple of days you hadn’t been well, and not just because of a broken heart. You’d been throwing up repeatedly, not able to keep anything in you that long, so Robin had taken it upon herself to take care of you, make sure that you drank enough and rested well.

“Y/N, do you think… could you maybe be pregnant?” Robin hadn’t wanted to bring that up, but after three mornings of you throwing up again and again, she’d tried to find a pattern, but you’d always eaten something different, so she was pretty sure that it wasn’t due to the food. And you’d also stayed clear of alcohol, so that wasn’t an option as well.

“I don’t think so.” No… no you couldn’t be. You’d always used protection.

“Are you really sure? When was your last period?” Robin didn’t want to scare or upset you, but she wanted to find out what was going on with you, wanted to help.

“I…” Oh God, you really had to think back, but… “When we watched that movie together at the cinema… I can’t remember the name… the one you insisted we should watch, which turned out to be horrible.” Robin had said that herself, after she’d trusted the opinion of a friend.

“Y/N… that was more than two months ago.”

You both exchanged glances, while the realisation hit you that she might be right. That was already enough to make you panick, but not only that. You quickly got up and paid the bathroom another visit, while Robin gathered her belongings.

“I’ll just go and get a test, arlight? You stay here.”

Where else would you go? Your knees were so weak by now, that it was hard to get back on your feet. So instead, you leaned your back against the bathtub, pulled your knees up to your chest and hugged them to your own body.

You weren’t sure how much time passed until Robin was standing in front of you again, but you were still in that same position. With some encouragement from your friend, you finally took the test. Waiting for the result felt like ages, but when the two lines appeared on it, you didn’t know what to say.

“Um… looks like you’re gonna be a Mum,” Robin said, wrapping her arm around your waist to pull you against her side. “You’re not alone, you hear me?” Her reassurance helped a little bit, but you were still completely overwhelmed and couldn’t stop the tears from falling down.

Robin carefully guided you back to your bedroom so that you could sit down on the bed.

“I have to tell Eddie.” Of course, your first thoughts were with him again. You’d talked about a future together and while you’d never talked about the when and how, both of you had always said that you wanted children in the future. That Eddie would be the man his father never was, that he’d give his kids everything they needed in life, just like Wayne had given him everything he’d been capable of. Eddie would forever be grateful for Wayne, and so would you.

“While I agree,” Robin started, took your hand between hers and gave it a gentle squeeze, “You won’t do that right now. Let that sink in for a moment and think about what you want, okay?” You slowly nodded. She was right of course. You needed to think about how to break the news to him - and your parents once they came back, but until then, you still had quite some time. “Do you… Do you know already if you want to keep it?”

“Yes!” You didn’t even have to think about it. Even if Eddie wouldn’t want anything to do with you or that baby, you wanted to keep it. It wouldn’t be easy that was for sure, but when was life ever easy?

“Okay, good. Just hope you’ll make me their godmother.”

Oh you would, without a doubt. Robin would be the best godmother, you were sure of it.

—

Three more days passed and you’d managed to get an appointment with your OB-GYN, who confirmed your pregnancy and told you that everything looked good, there was no need to worry. It was a huge relief, but what flooded you with love was the ultrasound picture you were holding in your hand now. You already loved this little bean, even if you had to raise them alone in the end because Eddie didn’t want to see you. But you had to let him know, let him make that decision for himself.

You put the picture in the back pocket of your denim overalls as you got out of the car. All your normal jeans were a little tight by now, but the overall was quite comfortable. You’d cut off the legs so that it was suitable for the warm weather, and you felt comfortable, cute even. Things you focused on when you knocked at the door of Eddie’s trailer, so that your heart wouldn’t beat out of your chest.

“What is… oh.” Eddie’s eyes landed on you after he’d opened the door, clearly not expecting you. His whole face softened when he looked at you, and he kept himself from pulling you against his chest, because he’d missed you like crazy. He’d behaved like an asshole, he knew that, but he hadn’t wanted to be the reason for you to stay here and put your dreams on hold, even though he didn’t really know what your dreams were, he’d just assumed that you wanted to go. Eddie really had no idea that he was your dream, a life with him no matter where.

“Hi,” you managed, swallowed against the lump in your throat, because seeing him brought back all kinds of emotions, but most of all longing. “Do you have a moment? There’s something I’d like to tell you.”

Your words were laced with emotion, nervousness, fear, pain, but also hope. Even if Eddie had something to do, he’d put everything on hold. He asked you to come in, but you suggested sitting down on the benches, because the fresh air was good for you. After getting up, you’d felt nauseous, but so far, you’d been doing alright.

“Eddie, I-”

“I missed you,” he cut you off, and while it wasn’t the appropriate thing to do, he still needed to get these words out, before you started to tell him whatever it was you wanted to say. “I really did. I missed your smile, I missed wrapping my arms around you… I missed pressing my nose against the back of your neck when you sleep.”

“What?” he threw you off with that, but your words didn’t stop him from talking.

“I missed talking to you about the most stupid things, or starting a dicussion about which ice cream flavour is the best.” Eddie shook his head and sighed. He’d been so stupid, thinking that he’d be able to manage without you. He needed you to be whole. “I missed all of you, even the arguments, though I can do without them for a while.”

You weren’t able to hold the tears in, but tried your best to wipe them away before they fell. Needless to say, you failed, and when Eddie heard you sniffle, he turned towards you.

“And no I’ve made you cry.”

“It’s… hormones I guess.” Mixed with his words that touched your heart and made you want to crawl into his lap and not let go of him for at least a week.

“Hormones?” he questioned, and while he wanted to give you your space, the urge to comfort you was bigger. So he gently pulled you into his lap, placed his hand on your thigh and rubbed his palm over  the exposed skin, knowing that it would give you some comfort. It always had, so he hoped that it still worked.

And it did. The tears slowly stopped, but the nervousness returned all of a sudden.

“Yeah hormones,” you said again, taking a deep breath. “I came here because there is something I need to tell you, and I don’t know how you’ll react, especially after you broke up with me.”

“Yeah about that… It was stupid, I was stupid.”

“Before you say anything else please… let me finish.” While your heart burst at his words, because you’d hoped that you could just forget about everything and pick up where you’d left off, you still needed to tell him what was going on, and you weren’t sure whether it would change anything or not. “I’m pregnant.” There, the words were out, and you felt him tense beneath you. You wriggled around on his lap so that you could take the ultrasound picture out and hand it to him. “I got this today.”

Eddie stared at the picture for a moment, before he reached for it with trembling fingers. His other hand remained firmly on your thigh, grabbing it a little tighter than before. You watched his every reaction, as his eyes scanned the picture, ring-clad fingers carefully holding it like it was his most prized possession.

“You’re telling me… this is our baby?” Ever so slowly, Eddie looked up from the picture right into your eyes.

“Yes…”

Without a warning, his lips were on yours. Soft, but also demanding, while he still held onto the picture. You were caught by surprise, but immediately melted against him. You’d missed him so much, hadn’t thought you’d find yourself in his arms again, but here you were, clinging onto him, pouring all your love for him into this kiss, because you never wanted to lose him again.

“I’m so sorry… about everything,” he mumbled against your lips. “I was an asshole, but I just wanted you to follow your dreams and not be stuck here because of me.”

“Silly boy…” You sighed against his lips, but straightened up a little bit. You framed his face with your hands, ran your thumbs over his cheeks, a smile on your lips. “You’re my dream. I want to be with you, no matter where. I’d never leave without you.”

“Should've known.” Eddie turned his head so that he could place a kiss against your palm. He put the ultrasound picture in his own pocket, so that he could keep it safe. “I love you, I haven’t said that often enough.”

“I love you, too,” you said and kissed him again, before you laid your forehead against his, savouring the moment. You’d been so scared, so nervous to come here and talk to him, but now you found that it was the best decision, because that had brought you back together.

“We’re really having a baby, huh?” Eddie wrapped one arm around you, but placed the other hand on your stomach. You immediately put your hand on top of his.

“Sure looks like it. Are you okay?” You’d had a few days to get accustomed to the thought of having a baby, but you were still a little nervous. Eddie had just heard the news and still had a lot to digest.

“I’m scared shitless to be honest.” He let out a nervous laugh and shook his head. “I’m scared that I’ll fuck up like my parent did and that I won’t be a good dad…”

“You’ll do great, Eddie.” You cupped his cheek, made him look up at you. “You know how not to raise a child because of your parents, but you also have Wayne, and he did a pretty damn good job with you.” “Yeah… he’s the best.”

“I’m scared too, but… I’m also happy.”

“Yeah… me too.” he took a deep breath, a smile on his lips, before he looked down at your stomach. “We’ll manage, won’t we, little one?”

And you would. You knew that you would, because you loved each other, and you already loved this baby.

Tag-list: @violetpenguinkris @tellhound @ghosttownwherenoonegoes @spideyanakin-interacts @bellamy-barnes @beepisbeep @snapefiction @hardysbitch

Let me know if you want to be tagged for this series, or Eddie stuff in general 💚 

#eddie munson x reader #eddie x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things x reader #stranger things x you #stranger things imagine #staffi writes #I love getting requests like this one

[bvckandeddie]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @devirnis ❤️

How many works do you have on ao3?

if we include both of my ao3 psuedonyms (which we are, otherwise this would be a very boring ask meme) i have 14 works!

What's your total ao3 word count?

561,661 😳

What fandoms do you write for?

i’ve most recently written for 9-1-1, but i’ve also written for Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Top five fics by kudos:

reality strikes, so bring back the night (ATLA)

That Midnight Sky (ATLA)

swords of fate, pride of heart (ATLA)

i could (never) give you peace (ATLA)

what a heart can do (9-1-1)

Do you respond to comments?

i try my best, yes!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

no angsty endings, god bless 🫶

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh gosh, i don’t know. they’re all happy! i suppose That Midnight Sky because i really put sokka and zuko through it in that one, lmao.

Do you get hate on fics?

uh, yeah, lmao. just once! one of the very first comments on hurt locker was someone who was very unhappy with the decisions eddie made throughout that fic. i think maybe they just didn't understand the concept of POV storytelling ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Do you write smut?

i let much more talented writers than me fill that gap in the literature!

Craziest crossover:

not really a crossover in terms of ao3 categorization, but maybe the Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU i wrote for buddie?

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so, but i do know that i could (never) give you peace is on goodreads somewhere. wish it wasn’t!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! someone recently translated i could (never) give you peace into russian! super, super cool.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

YES, i co-wrote the amazing fruity beverages with megan aka @engagedzukka aka @crosspin. brainstorming that entire universe and collaborating with such an incredible writer was so fun, and it was a huge highlight of 2021. (hi megan ily 🥰❤️ can you believe we wrote that over three years ago???)

All time favourite ship?

my evergreen relationships that i could go find a fic for at literally any time are stony, arthur/eames, and spirk. buddie though…there’s something really special with them 🥹❤️

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i started a really angsty fic last summer when i was in a bad mood (lol) where eddie and buck kind of knew about the potential of what they could be together. after the lightning strike, eddie was ready to take that next step, but then buck got together with natalia. i kind of just wanted eddie and buck to yell at each other a little bit, y'know? exploring their relationship breakdown was really cathartic for me at the time. with the direction the show is taking now, i don’t know if it’s something that i’ll finish. it seems like the fandom has swiftly moved on from that era of the show, and fair enough. we’re all on the bucktommy train now, right? choo choo! 🚂

What are your writing strengths?

i love writing dialogue!!!! i love writing dialogue so much!!!! it's so snappy and boom boom boom, y'know? all of a sudden i have 1k written and life is amazing.

What are your writing weaknesses?

i really hate inner monologue. i’ll write it, because it’s integral to the story, but I’m never like, oh my god, i’m so thrilled to be writing this inner monologue stuff right now, lol. let’s get back to the meat and potatoes of the story, people! dialogue!

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i do not know another language, so i tend to steer clear of it, because i know how google translate fails us all.

First fandom you wrote in?

ha. ha ha. the mortal instruments by cassandra clare. i still get occasional favourites on my clace and malec stories from fanfiction dot net. i didn't even FINISH the clace one! anyways.

Favourite fic you've written?

this is hard! i can't pick just one! TMS holds a really special place in my heart because it was the first idea for a story where i was like, wait, i think i could actually write this and finish it. and then i did! and the zukka fandom was so fucking sweet and kind about it.

i’m also really proud of what a heart can do because i was nervous about writing an original child character and i worried i wouldn’t be able to do the story justice. but the reception has been incredible! i genuinely cannot believe i wrote that fic in between doing research and writing my thesis. how did i do that?!?

one fic that i really, really love is swords of fate, pride of heart. i wrote that fic in like, a week. it was insane. the fic is so ridiculous, and it was so fucking fun to write. whenever i get a comment on it, i usually go back and reread a portion of it and i'm always a little in awe of my past self. like, yeah, i wrote that.

this was so fun to do!! tagging @captain-hen @wildlife4life @shitouttabuck @colonoscopys @eddiebabygirldiaz @traumabuddies @try-set-me-on-fire @hattalove and @kananjarus if you feel like it! my activity feed is super messed up rn thanks to that ‘first base is/second base is’ post lmao so i’m really sorry if i missed anyone or if you’ve been tagged already 😭❤️

#thank you ali for tagging me ❤️ #coming out as a zukka enjoyer but i think anyone who pays attention probably has already realized that LOL #tag games

[thebangtancloud]

Hii i just read freckles🥰🥰 it was so lovely and i saw that there's still some spots for me to request so.. may I have prompt 5, 6 and 19 for our lovely i.n? Thank you❤️❤️

MAKE IT SUPER ANGSTY IF YOU MUST

In case you didn't know ~ Yang Jeongin

"Is this a game to you?" + "I was only pretending." + "I can tell you've been crying."

Pairing: Yang Jeongin x Reader

Genre: Angst, Romance, Friends to Lovers

Summary: Jeongin is determined to make sure you know that the reason why he kissed you that night was not just because it was a bet. Even if he has to prove it to you in the middle of a grocery store.

A/n: AHH thank you so much for loving Freckles!! And you're one of the only people who have requested for our lovely maknae, thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy this!! I found it really tough to make this super angsty, so I just wrote what fit the mood :)

"(Y/n)."

The delicate whisper of your name floated towards you, the packet of raw noodles slipping from your hand and falling back to the rack with a slight rustle of the plastic covering.

You weren't ready to face him just yet.

Not after how embarrassed you had been four days ago when he played with your heart like it was just another toy for a little child.

"Don't go, please."

You could sense the desperation in his voice, the way his footsteps quickened once he noticed you moving away from him, a slender arm slipping around you to keep you from running away again.

"I'm sorry."

One look at him and you almost laughed pathetically.

He didn't have the right to look that good.

Not when he hurt you. Not when he played with your feelings.

Not when he knew that you were falling head over heels for him.

His blue hair was damp, darkened tips letting go of tiny droplets of rainwater that fell onto his forehead. His white mask covered most of his expression from you, but you could see that he wanted nothing more than to show you what he felt.

What he was feeling.

With a huff, he reached up to hastily remove the mask from his face, scrunching it up within his fist before stuffing it into his jeans pocket. A deep frown then proceeded to greet you, his eyes glazing over with concern the moment he took a proper look at your face.

"You've been avoiding me."

Somewhere in the distance, you heard the squeaky roll of the wheels of a trolley a few aisles away from where you and Jeongin stood.

You really didn't have an appropriate answer to offer. So you chose to remain silent.

"I can tell you've been crying."

His hand didn't leave you though. He held onto your elbow as though you'd run away from him the moment he decides to leave you. Which was the last thing he wanted right now.

"(Y/n), please," he insisted, his tone almost making it sound like a whine.

"Talk to me."

"I don't have anything to say," you finally offered.

Jeongin sighed deeply at the vulnerability lining your voice. He hated the fact that he knew he was the reason you looked so broken.

"I'm sorry for that night, (Y/n)," he whispered softly, taking a tiny step towards you.

"I'm sorry for what I did."

"That was just so horrible," you murmured, letting your head dip as a flashing memory of the way he kissed you that night in front of everyone almost made you want to collapse to the floor.

"I realize that now-"

"Is this a game to you?"

"Huh?"

Jeongin was surprised to say the least. He wasn't sure why his grip on you loosened for a brief moment, which you took as your chance to slip out of his hold and place a well needed distance between the two of you.

"What you did that night..." your voice wavered as you looked around helplessly, trying your best to not break down right there in front of him.

"You kissed me only because they challenged you. Never once did you think how I felt about that. How I felt about you. How I feel about you?"

"It wasn't a game," he spoke up after giving himself a moment to process your words.

"I mean," he exhaled and ran a hand through his hair. "I know you won't believe me now, (Y/n), but it wasn't a game to me. You're not a game, you're not something that I want to play with."

"I find that hard to believe."

"I know," he nodded. "I know, (Y/n)."

"It really didn't matter to you," you stated with a small shake of your head.

"Okay, yes... you kissed me because the boys challenged you to kiss me. I was right there. But after? You went back to normal as though it never even happened. You were so...unfazed."

For a moment, you didn't know how to respond when Jeongin broke into a soft laugh.

"Was I?"

You only blinked in response, gauging his movements when he took a bold step towards you.

"I was only pretending, (Y/n)," Jeongin chuckled with a brief shake of his head.

"Only God knows how nervous I was that night. Because holy shit," he breathed out, "my heart almost exploded when I kissed you."

"What?"

"You know..." Jeongin reached for your hand this time, pulling you a little closer and letting his eyes trail over your features ever so slowly.

"I had to act as though it didn't affect me. Because the hyungs always baby me, they always think I'm a softie. Which I am, there's no denying that. But I swear on all things good, I was everything but unfazed after I kissed you that night. All I wanted to do was...kiss you again."

"Jeongin-"

"Have you..." he interrupted you with a little shake of his head. "Have you ever thought about how I feel for you?"

You did, actually.

Maybe just not the way he wanted you to.

"I was so close to not kissing you," he murmured, his eyes flitting up to meet your unfocused ones.

"When they literally bet on me not being able to man up and kiss you, I knew...I knew I couldn't kiss you. Because I've wanted to do it for so long, and I wasn't sure if you liked me the way I liked you."

"You-"

"But then I thought to myself, I'd never build up the courage to kiss you if I didn't do it right then."

You wouldn't know why it looked as though Jeongin was ready to kiss you again.

"You were never just a game...or some stupid bet, (Y/n)."

A brief clatter distracted you from Jeongin's gaze, your eyes fluttering past him to take notice of a young girl bending down to pick up a box of tissues that she may have dropped in the process of looking for something else. You kept your eyes on her until she rounded the corner and no longer stood in the aisle that you and Jeongin were in.

You didn't know if you did that because you were close to crumbling under Jeongin's fond gaze.

"I know, shit... I know that I messed up. I never wanted our first kiss to be that way, in front of everyone - most of whom were drunk out of their minds. I didn't want it to be just because Jisung hyung challenged me to kiss you. I didn't want it to be something that you didn't want."

That's when you looked up into his eyes again.

You definitely wanted it to happen. You just didn't want it to happen the way that it did.

Not when you still weren't sure of what he felt towards you.

As if he could read the innumerable thoughts racing across your mind just by taking one look at your face, Jeongin sighed, the ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"I like you, in case you didn't know."

For just a moment, you thought Jeongin was advancing towards you to kiss you, which made your heart drum against your ribcage wildly. It was similar to the way Jeongin stretched across the couch that evening, his carbonated drink sloshing around in his cup at the action as his hand slipped past your right ear to take a grip of your head, pulling you in to connect his lips to yours.

You thought Jeongin was going to do that again, but this time his arms circled around your frame, pulling you entirely into his embrace and resting his face snuggly against your shoulder, his chin tucked in.

You didn't know if he could feel your racing heart against his chest that was pressed up against yours, but you found that it wasn't that much of a concern because when Jeongin's arms tightened around you, you felt a sense of comfort in a way you couldn't describe even if you tried to.

"I'm sorry I kissed you without letting you know that I like you. I promise to never do that again."

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Request 7/30 || Stray Kids Masterlist

SKZ Permanent Taglist: @bakugossanity, @jhopesucker, @kitty-kair, @joondiary, @awkwardnesshabitat, @k1ngsnak3

#yang jeongin #I.N #yang jeongin angst #yang jeongin imagines #yang jeongin scenarios #yang jeongin drabbles #jeongin fluff #jeongin angst #jeongin imagines #jeongin scenarios #jeongin drabbles #skz drabbles #skz imagines #skz angst #skz fluff #skz jeongin #skz I.N #skz x you #skz x y/n

[ohkento]

Things that changed

!! SPOILERS FOR ASRA ROUTE !!

A.N. : Inspired by @/vesuviaweekly 's weekly prompt 'Things that changed'. As I said in 'Nightmares and Daydreams' , I am revisiting this prompt. Again can be kind of ooc for Asra and heavy on headcanons. (Some stuff is canon for me but then I look it up it is in fact NOT canon😭😭😭) . Oh the sufferings of loving a character so deeply that you divert them a bit from their original source <3. Then again as the saying goes 'to be loved is to be changed' . Anyways , this post too will involve a MC who has a similar origin story to my MC (riku) but still will be referred to as MC . MC will use they/them pronouns. I know this prompt is supposed to be a pre vs post plague scenarios but tweaking it a bit just for plot purposes <3.

C.W. : he/him pronouns for Asra ; very heavy on angst (because I am in an angsty mood 🥰) (I am sorry my love I promise to write something fluffy for you soon 😭) ; death mention ; spoilers for asra route (pretty much entirety of his route) ; characters may be ooc ; MC's aunt is mentioned (oc) ; may feel self indulgent at some points (may not) ; long post below the 'keep reading' button ; i just felt like yapping about my spouse and his history so I made this post 🥰 don't mind me ; FORGIVE ME ASRA 😩; English is not my first language so please be kind and make me aware of any mistakes you may find while reading this piece.

This post got out of control and now can be qualified as a chaptered fic 💀 aka LONG POST AHEAD.

"By clicking on 'keep reading' , you hereby confirm that you have read A.N. and C.W. as given above and therefore I (the creator of this post) will not be held accountable for your reading experience"

Change is the only constant . We all must have heard of this saying one way or another. Change is painful, sometimes manageable, most times not. Nobody wants change . We get used to situations and hope that the situation remains same . Hope that we don't have to change. Because we have gotten used to these circumstances and learned to live with them. But sometimes change is necessary. These changes can be seen in Asra's life as well. Did it change him? Let's see how changes happened in Asra's life and how it affected him.

Having a family vs Becoming an orphan :

• Asra has two very loving parents. He is loved in the Alnazar household. He knows what a family is and what it is like to be safe. He likes to spend his mornings getting magic trained from Salim. In the afternoons , his parents go for work in the palace and return late in the evenings. He doesn't mind that. He knows that by the end of the day he will be cuddled beside Aisha who will hold him oh so lovingly. He knows that whatever they do , they will ensure his safety. Afterall a child doesn't worry about his parents. It is the other way around... right?

• The first change occurred when one evening Asra's parents didn't return. The first few hours he did not notice any change. Maybe it was the calm before the storm . After an hour or so passed and Aisha and Salim didn't return at their usual time , Asra started to worry. "Where were they? Why aren't they home yet?" Said the little voice in Asra's head and made him worried. He didn't know what to do. He decided to go in his parents' room and wait the night out there. He waited and waited but his wait bore no fruit. He couldn't sleep that night. The next morning he decided to take matters in his own hands. He himself decided to go out and search for them. He searched his neighbourhood like crazy , he went to search in all familiar alleyways , he asked all familiar faces he could find , but none of this gave him a clue about the whereabouts of his parents. He only knew that they worked at the palace , so he decided to go there. He asked people around to reach the palace ,and finally that he did , he was told by the count that he executed his parents. The count executed his parents. The count executed his parents. His parents.

• Asra had two very loving parents. He was loved in the Alnazar household. He knew what a family was and what it was like to be safe. Asra hated change. He used to be safe and sound without a worry in the world just a few hours earlier. Now he was dangerously aware of the situation. He is just a kid! How is he supposed to live !? How is he supposed to survive?! What about his family?! Will he ever have one? Asra cried that day , he sobbed like a baby. He was just a baby! His parents' baby ! When he decided to return home , another bad news awaited him. The count confiscated his childhood home. He could not return. He was left in the streets of vesuvia all by himself. He had to live by himself now. He had to survive all alone. He had to , what other choice did he have?

Being alone vs Meeting new people :

• He is used to surviving on his own now. He has to be. It has been so long . The other vesuvian orphans were not always kind. You could even say that finding a friend in those orphans was a rare deal. These orphans used to survive by joining 'gangs'. Mafia of sorts , but not really that dangerous. They were dangerous for other orphans though. They were the bullies who used to boss around and dictate other non-member orphans lives. They used to bully other orphans into giving them their food. Asra was initially scared of them . But eventually when he found out that they can't use magic like he can , it was game on for him. Now the 'gangs' were scared of Asra. They avoided him as much as possible and used to scare away new orphans who could possibly become his friend by telling them stories of the great power he held aka throwing things at them without touching it. Asra was used to being alone now.

• The next change in Asra's life was a well needed change. He met Muriel. Or maybe it went a bit differently. He rescued Muriel , from the same gang of bullies mentioned earlier. How could he not ? They were making fun of Muriel and forcing him to do stuff ! Asra hardly tolerated when he came across such scenes. So of course he did what he knew best , magic! A bit of magic and every bully was left terrified. Even Muriel was a bit surprised but he soon recovered when Asra grabbed his hand and ran away with him. Away from the bullies. Soon as they interacted more Asra finds that Muriel is the reserved kind. But Muriel never left his side. Maybe it was gratitude or something entirely different but he appreciated his presence. He liked this change.

• Next change brought in his platonic soulmate in his life. While doing some magic tricks to earn some quick money to feed himself , he came across a wandering magician. He was so intrigued! And as it looked the magician was too by such talent of Asra at such a young age. He conversed with Asra and gifted him and egg. "An egg ?" Asra thought . The confusion must have shown on his face because the magician soon explained that it was gift and he should wait for it to hatch. So he did. It hatched on his birthday and came out as a beautiful purple ball python. He gained a new companion! Oh how happy he was. He named her Faust! Soon after he realized that his and Faust's connection was deeper than that of owner and pet. She was his familiar. Oh how they spent their time together, playing on the ships waiting on the docks. He would let her run away on the beach sand and chase her to catch. Muriel too got known by Faust and she started to trust him. Maybe not all changes are bad , Asra thinks.

• Asra was a teenager now. Him and Muriel have managed to secure a place in the woods. Asra had heard the townfolk talk about an upcoming masquerade ball being organized by the palace. As much as Asra absolutely despised the count , he did have an empty stomach to feed. So they (Muriel and Asra) decided to set up a stall in the bazaar. They both worked on preparing masks and other little trinkets to attract onlookers and sell those to them. On the day of the ball , when the newly wed countess first arrived in the city of vesuvia , a certain someone entered his stall to be safe from the gathering onlookers (the crowd watching the countess arrive). Little did Asra knew that this person is going to change his life forever and ever.

Friends or Something more... ? :

• Ever since that fateful meeting with MC in his stall , he had started to know them more. To the point that he was well acquainted with MC's aunt , the owner of the magic shop. MC's aunt was a kind lady. She would not hesitate to be welcoming and warm to Asra. Once she found out that Asra too was a magic user , she offered to train him. He liked it. He felt safe when he was around them. He remembered what it was like to be 'home'. They soon got pretty close to Asra. Asra gained another friend , another person to rely on. Maybe changes are good , he thought.

• Maybe it was the puberty kicking in or entirely something else but lately Asra has started to feel attracted towards MC. It started as small voices in the corner of his heart that he would dismiss initially , but soon it evolved and became harder to contain within himself. Asra was pretty close to MC and he surely didn't want to ruin their friendship. So he would run. Run away from them. Run away on 'trips'. The trips that didn't help with anything. It only made the attraction stronger. The want grew stronger and he started to crave to be in the shop. But he stopped himself. He really didn't want to lose a friend. He didn't want things to change. He was hesitant to change their relationship.

The Grief :

• He was not ready for the next change. Well, nobody was . MC's aunt died. It was hard for Asra but it was even harder for MC. He was their comfort in such tough times. He ,too, lost a person he could rely on blindly but right now getting MC adjusted was his top priority.

• Once MC was well adjusted and inherited the magic shop , he felt better too. Whatever decision they would make regarding the shop , he would accept it. They decided to continue running the shop and invited Asra to be their business partner. He accepted and together they started their magic business. It was all going well , everything was as it needed to be. But life doesn't stop at perfect moments , does it?

• The city of vesuvia experienced its deadliest plague. The plague that brought destruction. The plague that changed many lives. The plague that changed Asra's life. He tried to reason with MC , to convince them to go with him and seek refuge in a safer city far away from vesuvia . Far away from the clutches of plague. But MC wasn't the one to listen to reason. So they separated and decided to go their own ways. Asra left vesuvia and MC behind. This decision was a crucial one which changed a lot of things.

• When Asra returned and found out about MC's death , he was heartbroken and guilt stricken. If only he was more stubborn . If only he had managed to convince MC. If only he was true with his feelings . If only... he could have prevented this from happening! He could have saved them! He didn't know what to do or where to go. The shop felt emptier without MC around and lost its cozy feel. He didn't like it. Maybe not all changes are good.

Feelings of loneliness :

• Asra had decided to bring MC back. It was risky but he was ready to take this risk if it meant having MC back in the land of living. He had decided that he needs to control his life and not the other way around. He will change his life himself . He decided to work in the palace for their resources. Many warned him of dangers of working in the palace but he was never the one to listen to warnings about the count. He felt lonely, like there was no one he could trust . When initially he couldn't find a breakthrough to bring MC back, he felt hopeless. Like he was doing all this for nothing. He couldn't even ask anyone for help. All he could do was stay patient and hopeful and just try . Try to do what he was here for. Try to find a solution. He wanted things to change.

Taking care of a once independent individual :

• MC's resurrection caused them to have amnesia. The same way someone with a severe brain trauma would have. They had lost both their functional and emotional memories. When Asra realized this he felt guilty . Just how long do they have to suffer because of me? He thought. He then decided to keep his feelings aside and rehabilitate MC back to recovery. He tried a few times to get them to remember their past but when this caused more harm then good , he stopped. He was hurting inside seeing the love of his life suffer so much. Maybe he should just let them go. Afterall he will be more happy to see them happy then in pain. And so he did. He buried his feelings deep inside his heart (or what was left of it) and just focused on their recovery. Focused on reteaching them magic. Focused on reteaching them to live. But occasionally he could feel the love for them grow. So he resorted to his old habits , going away from them. Change is necessary, he would convince himself.

Returning faith (in people) :

• When MC was asked to investigate the case of the count and find Dr. Devorak for his punishment by the countess , Asra was initially hesitant. But it was not his decision to make. He supported them when MC said yes. What he didn't know was that this change of events was the one which he would thank for all eternity.

• As the investigation progressed , so did MC's recovery and that too in leaps. He was surprised to see this. His faith in people started to return too . Faith in the old baker , in the neighbour next door , in the palace guards , and the countess . He found himself gaining a part of him that he lost along with MC. As the events unfurled and MC gained most of their memories, a part in Asra healed. Maybe he had never forgiven himself for leaving them behind but now hearing it from their mouth he finally believed it.

• When he found his parents imprisoned in the magical realms , he was left speechless. He didn't know what to do or say. He didn't know what to feel. Till this day he had thought that he was an orphan but no! There were his parents standing in front of him! He thanked the Arcana for letting him see this day. He couldn't be more happier. He is getting used to changes in his life.

Maturity :

• As soon as the battle with the devil was won , Asra felt light. He felt as if a great burden has been lifted from his shoulders. The source of his lifelong sufferings , the cause of the pain to his loved ones , the devil , is now standing in front of him frozen in time. Almost like a stone statue. He could not believe that he managed to do this. That they managed to defeat the devil. They were stronger than ever. They had changed. Both of them did , in their own ways. For better and for worse.

• When he was on his way on to a new adventure with MC , his life long partner , he couldn't help but feel as if he was living in a dream. Everything was perfect now. Maybe it will not be the same tomorrow, maybe it will not be the same a few years from now , but one thing Asra had learned from his life is that things change , people change , situations change , and that's OK.

Before meeting MC vs After falling in love :

• Asra grew up loved up until his parents disappeared, after which he was left on the streets to survive. He felt alone for the first time. He was just a child when his world turned upside down. His life changed forever . Of course he was quick to gain new friends, but new people do not fully cover for the ones already lost. Soon he found a place he could call home. A place that felt like his home. A place with people welcoming enough to remind him of his family. He started to grow attached to them. It didn't matter how much he tried to brush these feelings off, the feelings resurfaced again. He was young when once again he lost people valuable to him. He didn't like this. So he refused to get used to this change.

• When he finally decided to act on his feelings and bring MC back , he didn't expect them to come back completely wiped off of their memories. But he was a changed person now. Instead of running away he decided to take care of them. Instead of letting his feelings overpower him and making things awkward, he decided to maintain distance from them. Instead of forcing them to remember their past, he accepted them as they were. Afterall, is that not what true family does? As time progressed and made everything what he could only imagine in his dreams - with MC acting on their love , his parents returning , and the devil defeated - he himself healed. He accepted everything as it was and as it would be. He decided to welcome each and every change from this point onwards without a fear. Afterall, isn't change the only constant ?

Can you guys tell that the last part (before meeting MC vs after falling in love) was what was originally planned. You can tell right? Right? 🥰← op thinks everyone knows how their brain works. Does anyone even read this part? The part where I roast myself? Idk , leave a leaf emoji if you do! Hopefully i haven't crossed the yapping limit 😩😩 If only I showed this much enthusiasm while writing school essays 😍 forgive me for such a long post. And can you guys please bully me into completing my Asra × Riku fic ? Please 🥰 /hj. I hope you enjoyed this!

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