#i wonder how it feels like to be able to talk to your parents abt your mental health

[prismuffin]

[Okay so homie ignore this if ur busy I just NEED 47 content and ur one of the only ones to provide it a req I guess????? LOVE U HOMIE 💞💞💞💞💞💞-

Anyway:]

PICK YOUR POISON:

Romantic:

So 47 with a genderfluid reader (Bc I KNOW u simp for this man and u are absolutely unhinged when it comes to your fav characters 😤)? Maybe a romantic candlelit dinner and it's basically really fluffy??? Imagine this it's been 2 years since he's taken you into captivity he's been nothing but kind to you and you find yourself catching stockholm syndrome. Maybe they share a sweet little kiss?

Or or or

Platonic:

Dad!47 with an agender reader? Maybe reader tries to escape or just in general rebels against dear old dad? I just wanna see how you'd write reader running away and 47 reacting to reader escaping from his tightly secured home- 😈

(Also remember that if u pick one I'll put the one u didn't pick in a new req once they're open again and I'll add another option to pick from)

A/n: Ahh yes, hello Ghost YOU DID NOT HAVE TO EXPOSE ME ABT SIMPING FOR 47 OK?!- But Ik you like a dad!47 so I went with that one

Escapade

Yandere!Father!Agent 47 x gn!reader

( summary: after asking to go to a party leads to an argument with your father, 47, you decide to rebel for one night and leave anyway )

Warnings?: Mentions of drinking, Yandere 47 so, possessiveness, stalking/being followed, mentions of an argument, 47 cornering the reader, mentions of guns, mentions of poisons and poisoning, normal Hitman violence- reader can be a teen or adult you choose!!

!-!more under the cut!-!

“No.”

“What?”

“I said no.”

“Why not?!”

47’s deadpan expression didn’t waver as he took a sip of his tea, the warmth of the liquid was evident to you even from where you stood. “Because I said so.” You almost audibly laughed at that, currently you were attempting asking your father to let you leave the house to go to a party that you had been invited to by one of the only people your father lets you talk to. He’s let you out of the house before so you don’t get why he won’t let you go this time. "That's not even an answer." "I don't want you going, drop it." You closed your mouth, swallowing any further protests as you did. "Fine," quickly, you stormed off to your room, making sure to not slam the door.

You huffed as you stuffed a bag with some extra clothing. You carefully picked out which garments you threw in there, you'd change later. You picked up a hunters knife from your desk and hid it in your boot. You’ve been with your dad for long enough to know that sneaking out was possible but not plausible. After he notices your absence, you practically have a specific amount of time before he locates you and drags you back home.

You’ve only attempted this once before way back when you’d first been taken. You were a child then and were able to escape using the vents that led through to the outside. You were only gone for what felt like a matter of seconds in your kid brain, though in reality you know if was longer. It took you a while to accept your “new life” as 47 put it. He was your father and though you know he took you from your real parents at this point there’s not much you can do about it now. You can’t remember what your old life used to be like so you don’t feel as bad when thinking about it. Instead, you’re glad that your father cares so much and even after earning his trust enough for you to go out semi-often his protective nature can still get overbearing at times. You’ve totally spotted him trailing you when you’re out with the only people that 47 let’s you talk to. Sometimes you wonder if they’re just actors he’s hired to make you stop whining about not meeting new people.

You scoffed at the thought as you zipped up your bag, you had a few rations of food and some water bottles in case you got thirsty, you were to wait until your father goes to bed and then you’d act, he sleeps around the same time every night when he’s not taking mission and it’s usually a pretty early time so there should be no problem with getting to the party late. All you had to do now was wait.

—TS—

The house was cold and dark, the shiny tiles reflected the light from the full moon that shone through the large windows. You'd be foolish to go through the front door knowing the system your dad has set up this whole house would come down on top of you if you were to trigger any alarms. Your heart raced and you steadied your breathing as you walked barefoot through the halls. Your father had an armory within the house that had a crawlspace designed for quick escapes. The heavy disguised door let out an even colder draft as you opened it. Flicking on your flashlight you pointed it into the dark room, stepping in and shutting the weighted door behind you as quietly as you could. You swear you could see your breath as you creeped through the cold armory, elevating your heels to feel less of the cold on your feet.

You quickly placed the flashlight in your mouth as you crouched down near the wall. Pulling a lockpick from your pocket, you undid the lock of the crawlspace as quick as you could, the cold of the room stiffening your movements slightly. After getting it open you crawled in, throwing your backpack further ahead first so that you could properly close the door to the makeshift tunnel. The space led you to a small room near the garage, the only way out other than the place you just came from was a large vent that sat in the corner. With a bit of struggle you were able to get high enough to unscrew it and crawl through.

You had done it, you'd made it outside, and though you knew you'd left an obvious trail of where you'd gotten out it was fine to you. Avoiding the cameras, you found your bike near the trail in front of your house and grabbed it. It was now that you put on your shoes, hoping that you hadn't left any obvious trails up until this point. You rode through the forests, breaking off from the main trail near the beginning to a less taken hikers trail that was blocked off halfway down the mountain.

Eventually you'd made your way to the main streets, riding all the way until you hit a gas station. It was there that you freshened up in their bathroom, changing your clothes into a more appealing outfit for the party. You then continued your ride to the address your friend had given you, your smile growing as you heard music as you continued to near the place. But no matter how happy you currently were your father was quite the opposite.

Looking at the cameras, his signature expression changed ever so slightly as he frowned. You'd escaped his watchfulness, honestly he hadn't expected you to get so far. By the time he awoke you were already outside, the crawlspace he guessed, and upon inspection he was right. He was quick to check his cameras, he had them aligned with the main trail to get to the house and at first he was able to locate you, but you'd obviously gone off path because the next second you weren't in frame anymore. He sighed, rolling up the sleeves of his black turtle neck. He stood, going to grab everything he thinks he'll need. Guns, knives, and syringes of multiple poisons littered the walls and counters of his basement. Explosives? He doesn't think it'll get that serious.

Sedative? Perfect.

He packs his coins and garrote wire along and sets off to track you.

"I'm so glad you could make it Y/n!" You friend yells over the loud music and you cheer back. "Me too! It took a while to convince my dad but I made it!" You lied, clinking your drink with them before chugging it back. "Oh shit-" Your friend stumbled and you snorted, almost choking on your drink as you laughed. "Ughhh here, take my drink," you said, handing your cup to your friend, "I gotta piss." "Let me go with youuu," they slurred and you shook your head. "I'll be right back it's right over...there!" You saidd, pointing dramatically towards the open bathroom door. "Plus I need someone to watch my drink." they sighed before waving you off, mumbling a fine as you skipped your way to the bathroom.

"Woops, sorry!" Your friend said after someone bumped into them. The person hadn't responded though and quickly got lost in the crowd of people. Checking that none of your drink spilled on them, your friend sighed at the lack of liquid on their clothing. Lifting the cup to their lips they paused, before laughing at themselves. "That's- That is not my drink~," they giggled at themselves before pushing your cup away from them.

Sooner rather than later you came back to your friend, swooping your drink out of their hand you took a sip as they immediately went back to talking to you. After a while though the lights started to blur together, it felt different from the previous effects of the slightly alcoholic beverages you'd been drinking and you struggled to keep your eyes open.

"Hey I'm gonna go get some air-" You tried to yell over the music but you're not sure how loud you'd actually been speaking. Stumbling out of the party you were met with the fresh cold night air, a stark contrast to the humid environment inside. You walked a little ways away from the intimate couples that littered around the front of the house. You blinked slowly as you caught your breath, you felt a little better but not by much.

A clinking noise caught your attention, in between the houses where the fence clashed with the opposite houses, creating a dark alleyway. Curious, you walked towards it, well, more like stumbled as your feet seemed to work against you. As you neared the location of the sound you were met with something shiny, a quarter. You picked it up, inspecting it a bit. "Nice," you slurred, putting the shiny metal into your pocket before standing back up. You stumbled backwards into a sturdy surface, a wall maybe? That you swear wasn't there before.

Turning, you came face to face with the bright blue eyes of your father. A gasp escaped you as you tried to back away, tripping over your own feet causing you to fall to the hard ground. You groaned as your father crouched down to you. "You never should have disobeyed me." Your vision blurred a bit more as you attempted to defend yourself. "What's wrong? Feeling a bit tired?" His voice warped in your ears as you fought the urge to keep your eyes open. "Let's get you home dear," Your eyes finally shut as your father grabbed ahold of your now limp body.

Waking up in your bed, you groaned as the slight hangover caused a pounding pain in your head. You moved to get up only to feel a slight tug on your limbs, halting your movements.

"Huh? Wh-"

Your eyes scanned your form, noticing that all of your limbs were handcuffed to the posts of your bed. "It's a precaution." Your head snapped to the side, where your father was sitting in a chair near the door. His expression, unhappy. You gulped, the false hope that you'd be able to sneak out of your house without getting caught felt so foolish now as his intense gaze practically swallowed you whole. When you'd be unchained, you weren't sure, maybe days or weeks even. But you do know that it'd be better for you if you just do as instructed from here on out. For your fathers punishments were never for the faint of heart.

———

Thanks for reading! Have a great day/night!!

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Masterlist

#agent 47 #yandere agent 47 #agent 47 x reader #agent 47 x gn reader #gn reader #x gn reader #agender reader #agender #fanfiction #hitman woa #hitman x reader #hitman #platonic agent 47 #prismuffin #x reader

[schro4444]

Ohh the idea of them pooling their skills together to create better disguises together is brilliant! the mimicking voices was probably Chikage (I imagine you'd have to have been training your voice constantly for a looooooong time to get the huge vocal range needed for that...I wonder how she became a thief actually, iirc she targeted corrupt corporations) but I bet it was Toichi who could do all kinds of interesting things with it - throwing his voice so it seems he's speaking from somewhere he isn't, making it seem as though it's far away or right behind you or simply making it carry (to his audience!), and yeah the acting through body language and reading ppl bc he needs to act like it was all part of the plan if a trick goes wrong and needed to improvise, and be able to read his audience to control where their attention goes and pull off misdirection. Also he probably does have very good spatial awareness, I cannot beLIEVE he went through LASER NET with a CAPE AND TOP HAT, he's RIDICULOUS

"as long as you're feeling agile enough" Chikage is, in fact, the one who was good at acrobatics while Toichi did a lame little side shuffle, she probably knew parkour too. Also ik it's not realistic but I was suddenly assaulted w the image of Chikage teaching Kaito and Toichi parkour and acrobatics together at the same time and Kaito being better at it than Toichi jhdgjsgf. bby Kaito probably used his parents as a jungle gym tbh, imagine talking to THE Kuroba Toichi, best magician in Japan (best magician in the WORLD Kaito corrects vehemently), all the while a 6 yo is doing a handstand on his shoulders or smth

Also I'm not surprised in the least that talking his way out was his plan, his advice to Kaito was "turn your critics into your fans" and THESE critics were out to ARREST THEM yet it STILL WORKED. absolute madlads

YESSSS perfect!! the ultimate combination of skills!!! I wonder how she became a thief too. like. was she raised in it? was it circumstances? revenge turned vigilantism? IDK!!! clearly she was tired of it by the end, but she also clearly was having fun. pls I need the prequel so bad

I think about the hat a lot actually. it’s so tall. between the hat & cape and the bandages OVER THE EYES you have to admire the kurobas’ commitment to the aesthetic

LAME LITTLE SIDE SHUFFLE SHFHDHD poor man. but you’re absolutely right. LISTEN I’m absolutely certain that chikage taught kaito parkour by pretending it was gymnastics practice or obstacle courses or something similar, so it’s not a huge stretch At All to include toichi in those lessons. that stuff is so hard to learn as an adult, too… cue 6yo kaito doing full trapeze acrobat moves with chikage while toichi does his absolute BEST to learn a back handspring before his next heist

toichi turned “fake it til you make it” into a successful international phantom thief career, it’s a magician’s Greatest ability. now kaito can do it too but Also with the help of Actual Crime Skills (everyone say thank you chikage)

ventriloquism TOTALLY has practical use in magic. okok I’ve actually thought abt this before—for toichi to be the best magician ever, his shows would need to be WILD. bc irl magicians can do some insane things. I think he totally just did the most bamboozling acts where he’d make himself disappear and then have his voice appear from 5 directions at once, or use ventriloquism + magic to convince people that inanimate objects were alive and talking, stuff like that. worldwide magic sensation kuroba toichi disguises himself as you in real time and then he calls your mom using your voice while escaping from a straightjacket. etc.

WHICH OF COURSE leads DIRECTLY to kaito using this nonsense to become the most chaotic little nightmare child EVER (beloved). he is a terror to his classmates and his parents are actively part of the problem. aoko comes into the house like “kaito where are you” and she hears “I’m coming!” from upstairs and then he appears directly behind her. she screams and goes to tell on him to toichi but toichi does the same thing to her. chikage apologizes for both of them using their own voices. this is just what it’s like in the kuroba household. when kaito gets in trouble at school they’re 100% the kind of parents to be more disappointed that he got caught, not about the fact that he was building a confetti cannon at his desk

#making a tag for this now #it’s all too good #kuroba family sitcom #dcmk #magic kaito #mk #schrasks

[teslacoils-and-hubris]

please talk more abt solar powered robots and their connection to the sun

That post was about one specific solar powered robot and her connection to the sun, so minor spoilers for the book Klara and the sun! Which is an amazing read and I totally recommend it!

So Klara is a solar powered android designed to be a child's companion. Throughout the story she has a very child-like view of the world, due to her learning AI not being used to new scenarios presented to her AND her nature as a child's companion. She looks at the world with wonder and hope and believes the world is kind.

She comes to see the sun almost as a god, but I would argue also as something like a parent figure. To her, the sun is a healing, nourishing force because it does heal and nourish her. She talks about how much better she feels in the sun, because she is literally solar powered. The sun takes on its own personality, alive and able to be pleaded and bargained, able to withhold its healing ability over a grudge. She doesn't understand the sun's whims, but she is in more ways than one completely dependant on it. She loves the sun, and doesn't understand why it doesn't heal everyone.

In this way the sun becomes a mythical figure to her, one she is completely reliant on for nourishment and is trying desperately to appease and understand. Not unlike a small child and their parent. Klara really doesn't have any parent figures throughout the story, none of the adults are particularly kind to her or really see her as anything other than a robotic tool/toy, so she looks to the thing that nourishes her for advice and help and a soft hand. She mythologies it and goes to pretty far lengths to gain its favour because the girl she was bought for is very sick and Klara is trying desperately to get the sun to help heal her.

I'm just a bit obsessed with the idea of a robot being completely reliant on something like the sun, something which hides away behind clouds and sets at night, developing a sort of religious superstition to keep the sun happy and shining. It makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? You have no control over the one thing keeping your battery charged, not even any control over if the people in charge put you under the sun's light. What happens if its cloudy and overcast for a week? It's a sort of starvation, isn't it? And so you do whatever you can think of to stay in your providers good graces.

#asks #i hope this made sense i just woke up lmao

[souryogurt64]

unrelated to everything else on this blog but i noticed you mention that you do copywriting now....was wondering if you could say anything abt how you found your job/what kinds of things you do day to day etc (only if you want to + are able ofc!!) its just im an advertising major dangerously close to graduating with no idea what to do but i've taken some copy classes recently and it's got me interested...would love to hear stuff from someone working in it that isn't just extremely generic blurbs about linkedin or personal branding or teamwork or whatever. ugh.

Um yeah so this is like my education and career story of how I ended up an English Major With A Job. This is a really long and more personal, but I feel like having context explains how/why a lot of this happened and is more Real than like trying to give advice.

So I’m not getting into details of this, but important context is that my parents intentionally manipulated/tricked/forced me into going to a really crappy tiny Christian college in the middle of nowhere because they believed big schools were “dangerous.” I got into a lot of really good schools but was not allowed to go.

ANYWAY, while I was in college I basically felt like my life was fucked forever because of the above so it was all hopeless and was not interested in a lot of internships or career stuff. Being a junior during Covid contributed to this feeling a lot and I was just not focused on job experience when it felt like the world was ending. One tiny good part of this school, though, is because it was so fucking terrible, I could basically do whatever I wanted.

So I “started a zine” and also started interviewing bands for college radio. Because the school wasn’t actually policing this, I continued this for a bit after graduation in 2021. Over 200 bands were interviewed. I was also incredibly obsessed with the Burger/SWMRS Implosion and live-blogging it on Tumblr and it felt, to me, like that mattered more than anything I was “supposed” to be doing.

This consumed all of my time, and I had a clear vision that either this was going to rocket launch me directly into becoming like a Real Music Journalist or I was going to crash and burn and like wait tables for the rest of my life or become an English teacher. At no point did I feel anxiety that I was doing the wrong thing.

So anyway, I moved to Chicago. Shortly after, I got a message on Tumblr from someone who did not really use Tumblr, but read my posts about the SWMRS thing. We became acquainted and hung out a few times. (important later)

Meanwhile, it really started to feel like the zine was “””getting cool opportunities””” and I had a tangible career path there. So I kept focusing on that. I was mostly paying rent with restaurant gigs, but I was also working part-time booking live music and doing social media for a small business back in Iowa, and was doing sketchy writing jobs on Craigslist for extra money / to put on a resume.

However, it soon felt like these supposed grand music opportunities were not actually going anywhere, and this new """cool""" work was benefiting these random PR people and not the zine. It caused a lot of tension within the zine. There was also tension because I felt "My Zine" had become "Everyone's Zine" against my will, but somehow in spite of this, I was doing the vast majority of the work and felt pressured into doing a lot of this work by people on the zine who wanted to talk to every PR person and band and label ever but did not want to commit to doing that work themselves.

Anyway then, one day, like 2 days after posting my PGMG essay, I got a mysterious email with huge ginormous red letters on it asking my zine to cover a record label Pete Wentz and Mark Hoppus were doing. Deep down, a part of me will always believe that Pete saw my essay and liked it enough to change my life forever.

Anyway, ~surprise~, it involved cryptocurrency (important later), which at no point was specified to me and I had been bamboozled. I was so upset I cried and people called me dumb on Tumblr and I tried to defend myself and it was all very embarrassing. I am glad this happened to me but it also hurt. Some days I believe whoever was behind this knew they had to trick me so I would obtain the benefits, some days I feel like this was purposefully mean, some days I believe this was some 4D chess ploy for what actually ended up happening, some days I think it was a random coincidence, and some days I feel like none of it ever happened and I’m crazy.

Regardless, the fact that this happened, and the fact that I believed it was because of my essay, also contributed a massive amount to ongoing tension within the zine. (I promise this is all relevant at some point.)

Anyway like 6 months later the band from the Crypto Incident was in town. We interviewed them and they were the biggest band we'd ever talked to. Honestly, this was the worst and weirdest experience I’ve ever had interviewing a band bc of their manager. The band was a pleasure to talk to but the experience was Bad. Also, due to ongoing tension, the other zine person was being difficult leading up to the interview. During, she went off script and asked the band to "spill tea" regarding Blink182 drama. This was so out of character for her and our friendship and the professional standard I held myself to and everything we had done together prior. The band and their manager took it very badly, and I felt like she deliberately did it because this was so important to me.

Anyway, I had deluded myself some reason that I ABSOLUTELY needed to write a huge dramatic feature. The band did not repost it and their manager left me on read. They also made a glowing post about a crypto fluff piece written by a hot girl at like the same time. I know there are plenty of girls in the world who are way hotter than me and also way more talented writers than me, but I was very bothered about the crypto aspect.

All of this upset me so badly I decided my dream of making it in music journalist was pointless and childish because I was not hot or willing to write crypto fluff pieces. I was also really upset with my friend for sabotaging the interview and felt like I couldn’t trust her anymore. It was all very dramatic and there was a huge blowout and I was like crying in the street outside Target and Hey Chris almost ran me over with his bike.

ANYWAYYYY, at this point I decided the zine was over and my dream of being in music was over permanently and I was going to grow up and get a job and never interview a band again. It all hurt a lot.

SO, I talked to that former SWMRS fan I mentioned at the beginning of this, and asked if she knew anyone that was hiring. Because she was the only genuinely employed person I knew. She then talked to her manager (VP of marketing at the company), and they were hiring a copywriter in India but were willing to make an exception for me. The job was a really good job, and asked for 5 years of full time copywriting experience. I had graduated a year and a half prior and had basically no experience. I had done a few things like write blog articles on occasion and do a "summer internship" at a "magazine", but NOTHING of this caliber. Again, I was working a few hours a week posting on Instagram and booking music for a small business, but this was not “copywriting.”

Anyway, my life for the next three months became hardcore studying marketing nonstop and kind of crash-course prepping for interviewing for this job I had no experience for. This felt do or die, this was my one shot, and I could not blow it. I took prepping very seriously and I was handwriting out over and over marketing concepts and vocabulary terms for hours each day, as well as answers to typical interview questions, and I was also reciting these things and filming myself.

There were 2 interviews but the process somehow dragged out for three months. The first interview was pretty quick and with HR, and was very technical. It was so stressful I almost cried during it. It was definitely a "weed-out" interview.

But the final interview took forever to schedule. I know now was because the guy from earlier was in India on business. There is a 12 hour time difference. They told me this, but at the time, I felt like they were actually moving forward with other applicants and I was extremely upset.

I did not tell anyone I was applying because I felt I was going to either get this job or shoot myself. The stress of this and how intensely I was prepping ruined Thanksgiving and Christmas, and once it dragged out towards my birthday I got really fed up and wanted it to be over, so I sent an email saying I was available to interview from midnight-2am.

I think they thought I was bluffing because they scheduled an interview at a normal time and then suddenly moved it to like the next night at 1am.

Anyway, I absolutely slayed this interview. I felt super high on life and at my absolute best during this. I had sort of transcended to a state where I didn’t even want the job, I just wanted this to end. He was blown away by the fact that I was interviewing at 1am, but I definitely feel my best and brightest at 1am so this helped too.

There was no discussion of marketing stuff at all in this 2nd interview. I pretty much just talked about myself and my zine with the interviewer.

And this is where all the extended CRYPTOCURRENCY BACKSTORY comes in. Basically the jewel of my """"portfolio""""" and the only real marketing writing I had done was unwittingly advertising Pete Wentz Cryptocurrency. I had poured like every ounce of my heart and soul and passion and effort into writing this because it was Pete Wentz and I did not know it was cryptocurrency.

And because it was CRYPTOCURRENCY (even though I hadn’t known that) the interviewer was very interested in this. I did not really have any context for this at the time because ChatGPT was not public, but this was an AI tech startup. So there was a lot of like marketing language and company values type things that overlapped a lot, and like buzzwords about Venture Capital and Disrupting The System or Literally Whatever.

I also think an important part of why I did so well was that the interviewer had his camera off and I had no clue who I was talking to. I didn’t know who he was in the company at the time, he sounded very young and like he didn’t have an accent, and he went by a very young-sounding nickname.

I believed I was talking to a boy my age instead of a 40 year old, and I felt very confident and like I was socializing with a peer. This is a bit awkward to say, but because I believed this, there was a lot of natural chemistry. I didn’t feel nervous or like I had to be polite or try and impress a grown-up, and I felt like he should be impressed by me. Which was like the secret to slaying job interviews, I think.

Anyway, I don’t know how much of getting the job was this PW-NFT experience and how much it was the reference from the SWMRS fan. I feel like in this post I’ve understated that aspect, but me spending all of senior year of college obsessively posting about SWMRS instead of going to job fairs was counterintuitively also critical to my eventual career even though everyone thought I was being dumb as all fuck and wasting my breath.

And also it’s hard to know how much of getting this job was just me being confident and prepared and dedicated and passionate. One part I remember clearly was he asked me to talk for five minutes without stopping and teach him about something, and he said it was OK if I couldn’t because most people can’t and I could still get the job. And then it literally wasn’t a problem for me at all, and I definitely feel like maybe that was the moment he decided.

Another thing I remember is that the foster cat I had from Hey Chris was DESTROYING the couch behind me and I was kinda distraught over this but then the interviewer started baby talking to the cat and it brought up fostering, and he was super impressed by the volunteer work. Finally, I like made a huge PowerPoint for the interview (they made me do some project IIRC) and he liked that too.

This was on like a Friday night at 1am or something ridiculous like that, and I didn’t expect to hear back for at least another week, but they were really eager to give me the job immediately.

I did not immediately contact any of my professors about references or send a thank you note because it was a weekend and thought I had like a week, which I regret because my professors were kind of Big Mad about this, so I would recommend contacting your references in advance even if you think you won't get the job.

Anyway I was so relived this was all over and I had a feeling deep down so I drank cactus juice for the first time ever on Saturday night and my roommate was gone so I took a bath for the first time in 6 years in her bathtub and used a Lush bomb and reread Gray, and it was very magical and special and then when I got out at 4am when the water was ice cold and I was still like on another planet, I had an offer letter on my phone (it was like 5am on a Sunday), and I couldn’t believe it was actually real.

Anyway the job is very good (originally 65k base plus 6.5k possible bonus and some different stipends, but I got a raise and make 70k + 7k bonus now. Was making 15/hr previously). It is 100% WFH with dental and vision, 4 weeks PTO, 10 sick days, sign-on stipends for a home office, provide the computer, 1 business trip to the beach per year plus occasional office stuff where there’s like a lot of restaurant food and alcohol, 1k donation matching, and a bunch of stuff with retirement and stocks. I bought an espresso machine and milk steamer with the WFH setup stipend and it was the best decision ever.

Most people there have worked at like Disney and Spotify and Netflix and GoT and stuff. My friend was directly recruited from an obscure job board because she has worked at places like Young Hollywood. One of the other girls I am closest with there worked as a celebrity matchmaker.

Then there’s….me and the PWNFTs lol. It is a bit insane to be honest, but I think that I am honestly one of their best guys because I don't see this as just a job and I don't really take working at places like this for granted whereas everyone else is used to it and always was headed there. Getting a job like this was one in a million and was never ever in the cards for an English major new grad from Bettendorf Iowa that went to a liberal arts college in the middle of nowhere. I worked really, really, really fucking hard to get here and like actually bled and kicked and cried the whole way so I deserve it. I also deserve to be there and have gotten above expectations on all my reviews to date.

ALSO BTW, a big reason why I felt kind of like this was a suicide mission was because I was on Accutane and physically could not continue to work my job in a brewery because it wrecks your bones.

Also towards the end I applied at a college, and by the time they got back to me I had signed on. But they actually told me I was their top candidate and I think would've counteroffered but I told them no. I cold applied there, but I wrote a carefully tailored cover letter to the position, which I think most people don't do and is important if you're cold applying. I didn't do this at my job because I had a reference, but a lot of people I work with messaged the head of the department they applied to on LinkedIn.

Another thing is like yes the LinkedIn is important and headshots are also really important. I follow Courtney Johnson on TikTok and think she mostly has good advice.

Anyway, I guess to recap my advice would be 1) Obsessively pursue your dreams instead of trying to be "practical" and like everyone else. You're only settling early, and shoot for the moon because even if you miss you will land among the stars or whatever that corny quote is. 2) Working via connections is critical, but this actually means like friends from band Tumblr instead of what they tell you in school about awkward job fairs 3) The interview process for good jobs is going to be really time consuming and miserable but you need to take it super seriously 4) Even if you aren't qualified you can still get the job and do well. 5) You need to approach the interview like you know you already have the job or it doesn't matter if you get the job, and you need to be insanely confident. You need to want the job. 6) Stuff like hobbies and volunteering is important to bring up.

ANYWAY, I have been there for about a year. Moving on to what I actually do—

I write basically everything that has to do with marketing. So stuff for all types of ads, landing pages, emails, etc, captions for every single ad on every imaginable platform, etc. I know this doesn't sound like a lot but I counted recently and it's like 10k words a month at least. It is a constant churn of high volume stuff combined with periods of nothing between campaigns where I take marketing classes or do research projects, like analyzing and making powerpoints about competitors or interviews with customers. I feel like that even sounds like not a lot but all of it is really short individually and a lot of this stuff goes through a lot of revisions, there's also like meetings and planning and approval chains and stuff.

Companies make like bazillions of webpages and emails and posts every day so that is p much what I do. I also turn things around on insanely, insanely tight deadlines (one of my biggest strengths), often minutes or hours.

I am basically the only writer in a traditional sense (there are UX writers but that's v different). There is a linguist that copyedits what I do (love her). The girl who referred me in used to be another writer for the emails and blog, but I don't think she wanted to work there at all anymore after the public reaction to AI, so now it is just me. There was like other stuff too but I would like to be vague. Then there are external contractors who make the blog posts but that doesn't really have anything to do with me….. until now, lol.

My old team was mostly bunch of people who actually launched ads and targeted them and collected/analyzed data on them, but there were other random marketing roles too. Now I'm on a new team with people who make the videos/images of stuff I write for, a girl who codes the emails I make (and does other stuff), and our manager. I really really really like my new manager.

Other people I deal with include lawyers, who make sure the ads/emails are OK-- for example, if a company runs a promotion over email, lawyers have to be involved. I also interact a lot with the social media and influencer people (also amazing), to help writing briefs for influencers and brainstorming posts. I also work a lot with business development (love her also also), which is making promotional materials to circulate in schools/businesses.

One of the coolest projects I got to work on, for example, was that we partnered with a ton of athletes and they were wearing company merch at games and making posts/doing courtside interviews. I reviewed and kind of wrote what they said because they are not really able to write their own stuff. I also wrote some billboards recently.

For the most part, I genuinely love my job and I love all my coworkers and think leadership is awesome. However, I will say that any writing job probably has certain challenges, especially if you're young and inexperienced. I feel like people who don't know anything about writing feel the need to contribute, or don't value what I do because I turn things around so quickly. Like if someone in charge of me tells me to do something different I will change it without question 99% of the time, but when it comes to random other people it's frustrating and hard for me to deal with.

Like I know I'm only 25 and I don't know everything, but I am basically the only writer, lol. This was like a source of like a lot drama and crying and being upset in my life, but I feel like there have been a lot of recent changes that have made this a lot better and it's continuing to get better, which is good, and I also feel like my manager is doing all of the right stuff and I'm also learning 2 deal with my own issues and not get so upset more.

But anyway yeah that's kind of my job and how I got my job, I know this turned into a million page long post but <3 hope it helps

[kriegertops]

This might be a kinda controversial take and opinion, but I haven’t really seen it addressed yet. And that’s that Sloane and Ocean’s birth parents deserved a lot more effort than what Ashlyn seemed to put forth. Putting your child up for adoption is a monumental, life altering decision. It is done with heartache, doubts, and probably so much pain. A parent does that, so their child can have a better life than what they are able to give them. Both sets of parents agreed to GIVE THEIR CHILD to a married couple, and probably with the assumption it was a happy marriage that would last. For Ashlyn to insist on adopting Ocean, to wanting to leave her partner less than a year later, has just never sat right with me, and speaks volumes to her character and mindset. And yes, children should be in a happy home with single parents versus an unhappy one with both, but to me, AH didn’t try anything to save this marriage or honor those parents who child she agreed to raise with her wife. I want to ask her, was it all performative? Are those kids props to you? Did you actually sit down and think about what it would be like for Ocean to have ZERO memories of his moms together? She was not only selfish, but cruel throughout this whole ordeal. One day those kids will know- wonder how they’ll think abt her then.

Hi Anon thanks for this ask. This topic has actually come up a few times with one of my friends that I talk to and I didn’t really know how to address it on my main page.

Those birth parents chose Ashlyn and Ali to raise their kids and provide a stable loving home. It’s impossible to predict the future but for Ashlyn to move on to a whole new relationship in less than a year is not only disappointing but also disgusting. Based on how fast everything happened I’m under the impression that Ashlyn just gave up and found the easy way out instead of sticking around long enough and put in the work to see if they could fix things. It’s hard to fix things and work on your marriage though when you’re partying and fucking around with your new side piece.

This selfish mindset though is not surprising after what Ashlyn said on the snacks podcast. Ashlyn made oceans adoption about herself. She literally said she didn’t want to see ocean in the hospital until the papers were signed. I’m sorry but if you’re hoping for that baby to be your child you go to the hospital no matter what. Even if it ends up with their bio parents keeping them. The child should always be the centre of focus, it’s not about the feelings of the adoptive parents. I’ve been trying to educate myself more and have been listening to content created by adoptees and one of the major issues is adoptive parents thinking about themselves. So when Ashlyn said that the whole adoption process was emotionally hard and all that and not wanting to see ocean in the hospital I was pretty disappointed to hear that. Those feelings are valid but at the same time they should’ve been at the hospital for ocean.

Additionally, oceans first year of life as you said wasn’t filled with the same loving family memories that Sloane got. Even just looking at the way Ashlyn was probably drunk and maybe high based of who she was hanging with and how she was acting at oceans first birthday

So at the end of the day how this all went down and how Ashlyn always finds a way to post the kids when she’s with them or use the kids as a reason why people should be nice to her and understand her desire to cheat just really rubs me the wrong way. Also Ashlyn’s whole narrative that two happy families is better than one unhappy one is so interesting because she’s acting like she broke up the family for the kids sake and not her own selfish cheating reasons.

Long rant, not sure if all this makes sense but ya

[emeritus-fuckers]

hello i was wondering if i could participate in the match up event?

I am afab and nb, I use any pronouns :) I'm cool with being any gender or being with any gender neither matters much to me

I lov the ghouls and their silly little shenanigans :)

I'm pretty feminine looking, I'm 5'1 and I'm built like a comic book male superhero like broad chest and shoulders but a straight line from the ribs down like a upside down dorito w legs

I'm asian so my eyes and hair are dark, my hair's like a shoulder-length wolf cut ish thing... idk I just hack at it. sometimes I wear glasses, but sometimes I just feel like being blind. When I get dressed I pretend like im dressing up in a fun little costume so my day is more whimsical and silly my go-to is like sailor uranus prince-type girl crush but a wizard or a wizard who is going on an epic expedition to recover lost artifacts but no matter the outfit the key is that I look like I'm secretly a merlin-style cartoonishly evil wizard. So i guess maybe like goth grunge academia something something pinterest buzzword Oh and I have major rbf, and it makes ppl scared of me

I'm an introverted person and I tend to be very logical but. I think different from a lot of ppl apparently. I've been described, to paraphrase, as "sort of ominous and mysterious but actually funny", "uncanny and unsettling in a good way", and "awkward and weird but its endearing" which just sound like insults. I like to live in my head and make silly stories and things to play with. Like every tumblr user I've got fucked up mental health and bad parents so I am kind of like one of those freaky ass chihuahuas that is always scared and shakes and bites people and has digestive issues. I tend to be hard to read or sort of deadpan so I like fucking w people since they can't tell if I'm joking bc i love mischeif and japes. I want to be a silly not-quite-supervillain like Dr doofinshmirtz or like a trickster archetype sort yk

I was a pretty intense synchronized swimmer for like 9 years I competed at like opens and nationals and all that when I was in school but my university doesn't have :( I'm on the rowing team now but I would rather do synchro esp since being my main thing was being flexible and it has no advantages in rowing lmaooo I've been a huge vocaloid fan since elementary school so I've been around in that community for a while (I am so well-adjusted). I like to make vocal synth covers and draw, especially when I'm able to work with producers to provide art for their vids it's so cool hehehehhe I mostly listen to vocaloid music but I like a lot of metal stuff as well that's how I found out abt gonst. I also like 2 play video gamez, I'm so fucking bad at them but I think it's rly funny so I just spend hours giggling and watching myself get mauled over and over.

I love horror a lot but I'm less a slasher girlie and more of a supernatural psychological tormet girlie esp if its got mythology or religions shit involved. Im majoring in history bc all good history ppl like silly metal and I wrote this instead of my abstract that's due in like an hour bc I have no idea what to do for the topic 🥲🥲

- the fuckin wizard

This post is part of the 1000 followers match up event. Entries for the event are now closed.

Your match is... Zephyr

They like listening to you talk about your major and interests. He's a very good listener.

While they might not be the best swimmer, they enjoy the activity and if you want to show off, they'll absolutely let you and be super proud.

He doesn't mind how unique your style is. He probably wouldn't really try to match clothes with you, but they'd try their best to buy you stuff you'd enjoy.

Since he doesn't really walk much, they picked up drawing and started doing it with you. They're surprisingly good at it for someone who just randomly said "I'm bored, maybe I should start drawing".

Also, horror movie date nights! They're also much more of a psychological horror person, but his favorite is of course the paranormal (he finds it hilarious) so you two take turns picking the movies.

Video game dates included, too. He's got a PS3 and the first three Uncharted games, as well as some others. Their favorite is Uncharted 3.

He'll insist you wear your glasses. He knows the consequences of ignoring his health. It's not fun.

~

Written by Nosferatu with the help of the wonderful and of @ask-zephyr-ghoul (ilysm pookie).

#ghost band #ghost bc #ghost #ask #anon #ghost band x reader #ghost bc x reader #ghost x reader #nameless ghouls x reader #nameless ghoul x reader #nameless ghoul #nameless ghouls #zephyr ghoul #zephyr #match up event #match up

[autistic-katara]

cw transphobia/cw suicide/rant

disrespectfully, if ur the typa parent who treats ur kid coming out as trans as “ur little girl/boy dying” or u “being in mourning” and especially if u talk abt that infront of/to ur trans kid fuck you.

“let them have emotions” no, fuck that. u can have feelings like that or whatever, i’m not trying to police ur thoughts but 1. acknowledge that u need to work on those feelings for the sake of ur kid and 2. keep those feelings to ur fucking self.

and if u absolutely HAVE to talk abt them, do it privately, when ur kid’s not around, when no other trans kid who might be in a similar situation could hear. if someone asks u if u feel like that when ur kid’s sitting right fucking next to u just lie, or at the very least tell them uve been working on it (which u better have been.)

because it makes it seem like u think ur kid’s transition is abt urself (which i sometimes wonder if u mfs do think that), and it makes ur kid feel like they cant explore their own feelings abt them feeling like they killed the little girl/boy they used to be, even if its not related to gender or being trans at all, heck, maybe ur trans son feels weird abt thinking he “killed the boy he used to be” bcz of smthn else like depression or smthn and he feels weird abt thinking that bcz u talked abt how u feel in mourning for his past self and it made him feel super icky (or vice verca w/ ur trans daughter or enby kid).

parts of this go for other insensitive shit u could say to ur kid during their transition (“i’m worried it could be a trend” “hormones/blockers r just so dangerous”, comparing medically transitioning to girls developing anorexia due to diet culture, etc.)

i’m sorry, i know i should probably be sympathetic to parents going through a kinda (and partially rightfully) scary change but if ur saying or doing shit that negatively affects ur kid, even if u didnt mean it that way fuck u, idgaf abt how u feel abt it, how u feel like u lost a child, how u hate ALL surgeries (but especially an unnecessary one), how after a few hours of facebook research ur worried it could be a trend, how ur worried that using their name/pronouns might confuse their younger siblings (who would probably easily understand a simple explanation with the option to ask questions after if explained right), i do not give one single fuck abt ur self-centred, uneducated worries.

you might have good intentions or whatever but this shit is gonna kill your child, i’m sorry. and if it doesnt kill them its gonna make them hate u, both now and when theyre actually able to medically transition and live on their own.

and honestly, even if they do figure out “oh hey, i’m actually just cis but with a kinda complicated relationship to gender” i promise u they arent gonna thank u profusely for bringing up the worry that theyre not actually trans or making their transition so much harder and slower, theyre gonna hate u for making them scared to question their gender anymore incase u turn out to be right and u think u did the right thing which would both feel shitty for them personally for obvious reasons but might also hurt their trans siblings or the trans kids whos parents might be in the same facebook group or whatever.

and theyre very much gonna hate u for overlooking their feelings, doing stuff they know u know makes them actively suicidal, and not caring enough to look at actual resources for parents trying to support their trans kids better, preferably written by a trans person themself, and instead go to, again, ur mommy facebook group where ur bsf posts terfy memes and abt how “she doesnt want her teenage daughters in the same bathroom as perverted men!” (both “daughters” also being trans boys who coincidentally are both insanely suicidal, cope in unhealthy methods, and talk shit abt their parents the moment the topic of them comes up) and where they fear-monger abt how ur young impressionable girls (and probably boys too) are being taken advantage of by the evil transgenderism movement and how its a social trend for them to mutilate their bodies, “just like how girls would starve themselves to fit in when we were teens!”, and thats in the rare chance that they DO detransition.

anyways idrk what else to say other than support ur fuckin trans kids as much as u can, do actual research to support them, or dont be shocked when ur child tries to kill themself and/or doesnt speak to u anymore when their older, and when that happens i hope the pain u feel is as bad as half the pain we feel from having to deal with ur self centred transphobic bullshit that makes it feel like our parents dont love us and just see us as dolls and see our struggles w/ dysphoria as small irritation that surgery and hormones would be unnecessary to fix, and if u make ur kid feel like that i cannot stress this enough: Fuck. You. because you are the reason the child ur supposed to love, care for, and protect feels like this and wants to kill themself. just fuck you.

#rant #this went on longer than i expected lmao #this is definitely not me talking abt my own mother #why tf would i be talking abt my own mother?/s #transphobia #transphobic parents #trans #transgender #trans kids #protect trans kids #fuck transphobic parents

[jaegerisim]

Hey El! I was just wondering, are you out to people in ur life irl (like ur parents, friends, ect)? If so, what was your process of coming out to them, and how did you deal with people who were a little homophobic or even a lot? If not, do you ever think you will, and why? I’ve been in the closet irl for almost a year and a half now because of homophobic parents, so I’d really like to hear ur story 🙂

Hi nonny! Well, I’ve officially come out to my mom, my brothers, my bff, my fiancé and a couple of other close friends. They know I’m bi, but they don’t know I’m a demigirl, and honestly, they never will. I don’t feel comfortable telling them that, tbh. I don’t rlly fancy the idea of me telling them that, especially when the concept of “gender” is something pretty difficult for many Asians to grasp (at least in my experience, don’t come at me, ok? 😭😭😭😭😭)

ok so I came out to my mom one day when I was still a teen. We were talking about one of my closest friends, at the time, my mom told me the girl had very pretty eyes and I went on this ramble about all the beautiful things things the girl had. My mom was just kinda staring at me like “😯”. So I just straight up went and said “Mom, I like girls as well as boys. I’m bisexual” and my mom (who I knew wouldn’t be homophobic abt it) said “cool, now go clean the dishes! 🥰 or ur lazy ass gonna get whooped” (typical Asian mom, smh). I never told my dad cuz his family is much more conservative and my halmeoni from his side think “gay” is synonymous to “mental illness”. I think my dad kinda guessed it, he’s never said anything about it, tho. My older brother came out as pan a few years before me, when he introduced his bf. Then a few years after me, my twin came out as aroace. They preferred to come out to my dad and I preferred my mom. That’s just how shit is. U tell who u wanna tell, and if ur parents are homophobic then they can go fuck themselves tbh. u can tell whoever u want to ok, nonny? And despite what the str8 media tells u about ur parents needing to be the first to know, it doesn’t have to be like that if u don’t want to. Your friends can be the first to know and ur parents could be the last. Your parents don’t even have to know if u don’t want to.

I came out to my friends and while all of them weren’t homophobic to my face or in that moment, many of them showed their true colors with time.

When you come out, you never really know how they’re gonna react. So you gotta learn to not gaf abt their say on this bc they don’t get one. Plus, at the end of the day, this is about u not them, don’t let them twist you’re coming out into something about them. You don’t have to even tell them and if u do tell them, u r doing it for u, not them. You don’t own anyone anything.

If you wanna know, I‘ve never really learned how to deal w the homophobia and I don’t think I ever will. Homophobia, is not something u assume and it doesn’t always present itself in the same way. Sometimes it’s a comment abt how bi ppl are sluts, other times it’s “joking” comment about being able to have as many threesomes as I want, another time it can be someone straight up calling u a slur. You never know, when or how or from whom the homophobia may come and personally I can’t live with having my guard constantly up. So sometimes I fight back, other times I feel like just ignoring them and maybe a couple of times I break down and cry about it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ sometimes the most “innocent” comment can be my breaking point while some days and don’t even mind them. Honestly? I find pretty scary the fact that sometimes I realize that I have assumed receiving homophobia and slurs to a very deep level.

Anyway, nonny, I hope this ramble answered ur question! 💕🌈

#queer woc #queer #bisexual #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lbgtqcommunity #bi pride

[dexadin]

hi! i saw your rb of the response to your strahdyana post where you mentioned in the tags that your strahd is trans masc, and i was wondering if you could talk a little more abt that? i'm a trans masc dm preparing to run cos for some friends and i've thought about idea before but it's so validating to hear it from someone else too! how did you decide on it, & how has it affected how you run/characterize him?

sometimes i sit on an ask for a month because i want to think of a good answer and then i come back to it like damn… their campaign's over fr…..but hopefully this will be of some help!!

so truthfully, I sat on this ask for so long because I was trying to put into words how my Strahd's transmasculinity affects him and could only think of concrete evidence of his transness coming up when the party gets a really good bit going. Not jokes about Strahd being a trans man, of course, but jokes that are only funny when A. Strahd is trans and B. almost all of the party is trans both ic and ooc (you may be familiar with our 'down with cis carriage' meme).

a lot of reflection with @runekept and reading of strahd metaanalysis from the CoS reddit has led me to believe that my idea of strahd actually is deeply affected by his (and my) transmasculinity. To start out, this interpretation does rely on at least some amount of passive transphobia and historically outdated gender roles. Obviously, games where trans people are immediately accepted and able to transition without any social barriers or difficulty are great, but I typically play games with a player-approved amount of social barriers because we find it cathartic, so that's where I'm coming from.

Below the cut is a lot of me playing 4D gender chess with Strahd von Zarovich, spoilers for Strahd's backstory below!

I've talked before about how I think that Strahd works best when his desire to possess Tatyana, and the metaphor for his vampirism, is a desperate attempt to cling to his bygone youth, something he was fiercely jealous of Sergei about. I think this is an interesting and humanizing angle to take any Strahd, but I think that this is particularly compelling with a trans Strahd. It shifts his desire away from vanity and entitlement, and highlights his struggle to live up to the standards of masculinity set by his neglectful father in wartime. Like, if you're trans and are in the community, you know or know of a trans guy just like that: a guy who does misogynistic, even homophobic and transphobic things in the name of being 'macho', things that he feels will earn him conditional respect in the eyes of cis male society. In doing so, he may or may not earn that conditional respect, but he does lose the respect and companionship of people who would have otherwise supported him and shared in his experiences. Strahd read so easily and so clearly to me as That Guy, and of 3/4 of my players being trans, I thought it'd be fun to interpret Strahd as trans.

In "I, Strahd," we learn that the oldest son of a family is destined for military greatness, and the youngest to be a healer. Of course, this is a lot of pressure to put on any young man, but imagine the pressure that put on baby transmasc Strahd! In transitioning, he is not just becoming a man, but the Oldest Son, a role that requires skill and violence and training. His parents are relying on him to protect their country and conquer new lands. The internalized message he learns is that for him, masculinity and respect is equal to conquest. He makes his entire identity being a war general for his parents' kingdom, and spends his entire young adult life battling for and conquering Barovia. He throws away any chance he had to make friends or find love in his formative years because it was too dangerous for a military man to let himself be swayed by emotion. By the time his young brother Sergei comes by, with all his youth and all the gentleness and charm of a cleric, Strahd is a battleworn man well into his 40s. When Tatyana chooses Sergei over Strahd, Strahd perceives it as being not necessarily because Sergei is cisgender, but specifically because of the youth, the gentleness, the humanity that Sergei posesses-- qualities that Strahd surrendered in lieu of earning respect and masculinity.

In Strahd's warped vision, everything is about conquest. He is incapable of valuing people beyond the concept of loss and victory. Having love, having a wife, is a marker of masculinity that he believes he "earned." He believes he should have "won" Tatyana because he worked so hard to be a man. This sense of conquest is also seen with his coterie of brides. They're a bunch of people he took on romantically to emulate his desire To Have a Wife without having any true attachment to them beyond being the trophies of masculinity that he believes he is entitled to. He continues to pursue Tatyana (regardless of whether you play Strahd as actually romantically interested in her) because to him, she is a prize that is always just beyond his grasp. If he had played the game a little bit better, if he had been a bit more the man his father wanted him to be, maybe he could have her. So he keeps playing the game, cursed to lose her forever, because the game was never real. His goal of being a 'real man' would never be attainable in his own eyes. Strahd cannot win.

I don't know if any of this is immediately apparent when I play him. But it gives him a bit of depth when you're considering his reactions to the party. In ATSBB, his pursuit of Vanya (an explicitly trans character) is made richer when you consider Strahd's own relationship to gender. In @runekept's word's. their relationship has "an agonizingly tragic edge of you're like me, you understand me, we understand each other in a way no one else can because we're both different and that means I cannot let you go." It is this desperate pursuit to cling onto something he feels only missed because of his dedication to Winning Masculinity. Strahd is the portrait of a man who led himself to ruin because of how badly he craved approval that he would never get where he sought it, but he could have gotten easily if he'd looked anywhere else. He lost his chance to be a human in his pursuit of being his father's son. This makes him no less evil, but makes him pitiful--a picture perfect gothic villain.

I hope that any of this was even mildly coherent. Unfortunately, the times I notice Strahd being trans most is when we say that Strahd could fix Vallaki if he outlawed being cisgender. Feel free to let me know if there's anything you think I missed and I will try to answer in a more timely manner LOL

#dexadin answers #thanks for the ask!! #strahd #curse of strahd #dnd #dungeons and dragons #dnd 5e #tatyana cos #sergei cos #atsbb #dungeon master #dm tips

[earthtooz]

BRAINROT☹️ THOUGHTS ON BEING CHILDHOOD FRIENDS WITH THE ITOSHIS?? me personally, i think that yall would be close when younger but as the boys started to focus entirely on the sport, reader would sorta feel left out but u still talk to them at like school and stuff but when sae leaves for spain, reader and rin gets closer but rin still is focused on the sport to be able to play w his brother then BOOM sae comes back and traumatizes rin and reader is just torn bc they wanna help rin but at the same time rin is like 👹👹👹 IDK WHAT TO THINK OF TUIS ANYMORE ITS BENE ON MY MIND FOR SO LONG anyway i also want to fight itoshi rin but also i want to fight itoshi sae . i hope u are having a wonderful day!! ❤️ -🍰 anon (also i go by she/they!!)

YES I THINK ABT CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO STRANGERS TO BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS WITH RIN SO MUCH!!!!!!! I WILL BE RAMBLING ABT IT NOW BECAUSE YOU HAVE ENABLED ME, 🍰 ANON! THANK YOU!

like oh my gosh, imagine being friends with the itoshi brothers from a young age but never feeling particularly close to rin bc he always looked up to his brother and was like 'well, i'd prefer to spend time with sae than you' but in a 'that is your brother so understandable' way. but you spend time with them a lot bc of your parents and how close they are.

you basically go to the same schools your whole life, from pre-school, elementary, middle school and high school. since you and rin are in the same year, you end up in similar classes sometimes.

but it wasn't until sae's departure that you truly started to click with rin. you volunteer to help him practice at a field nearby his house, he thanks you by sharing ice cream with you, you exchange mangas and although you end up traumatised by the genre he likes, you both keep it up.

you like him because he's blunt, honest, and straightforward, but despite it, he's still a kind and gentle soul who has big dreams. he likes you because you're great company, a friend who takes the time to understand him and his dream.

just when you think you and rin are inseparable, all of a sudden, there's a rift.

rin isn't rin anymore.

there's a storm in those usually-calm teal irises of his and when you look him in the eye, you cringe at how harsh his glare is. what happened?

you don't recognise sae anymore either. the excitement he left japan with has dissipated, what did soccer do to him? was kicking around a few balls that deep?

the tension between the two brothers is thick and suffocating. you now dread hanging out with them, feeling worse and worse every time you left their house to return to the safety of your home. rin looks at you as if he can't stand you, sae looks at you as if you didn't exist.

school isn't the same anymore. you haven't spoken to rin in about three months by this point and watching him stalk through the hallways alone hurt. even though he was always introverted, he always had at least one classmate by his side, but to see him pushing everyone away just like he did to you, it felt cruel.

the first time you try to talk to him, he casts you aside, strikes you with his words and leaves you behind in an empty classroom.

the second time you try to talk to him, he does the same.

the third time you try, you've given up the nice treatment, forcing him to talk and blocking his path. he only caves at seeing how relentless you are and sits down begrudgingly, insulting you with words like 'mediocre' or 'lukewarm' and although you flinch at them a little, you want to get to the bottom of what was bothering him.

he owed you it. if he could provide you with an explanation of why he ditched you, you would leave him alone.

rin wasn't planning on it; opening up til all of his memories were bared and pulled out of his brain. he was just going to say something alone the lines of 'sae was a jerk' but seeing how attentive you were, how keen you were to actually listen rather than push him away, he feels like breaking down.

despite how cold he is, how mature itoshi rin may seem, he is, at his core, a caged young boy who still has a dream.

a young boy overwhelmed by spite and rage.

you're possibly the only one who understands the depth of what happened to him. having stuck by him and sae long enough to know the magnitude of their shared dream, you're just as shocked and stunned when rin relives what happened.

you end the interaction by asking if he wants to practice shooting with you providing him the soccer balls.

he agrees. a lot softer.

from that day onwards, rin is still the hardened boy he has grown to be, but he lets you close. goes to get ice cream with you after school, discusses the latest chapter of a manga you were both reading, hangs out with you sometimes during school. there's an air of awkwardness around it still, but there's nothing better than the feeling of having itoshi rin back by your side.

then he goes off to blue lock LOL!

#you and rin now BOTH hate sae! #sorry for the ramble i kinda let the floodgates open #but no i think abt this SO much #i love the idea of childhood friends to lovers w rin #*ੈ✩‧₊˚ constellation: 🍰 anon #earf's favourites (real) #*ੈ✩‧₊˚ earf's ideas that i'll never write #earf's itoshi rin rambles

[ultrvmonogamy]

hey bestie! just dropping by to say that i love your blog and anytime we’ve interacted you’ve been very kind. i don’t understand the weird judgy/preachy anons that you get. i wonder if they don’t understand how to utilize the block button for content they don’t like. anywaysssss, i think you’re a lovely person who makes good content. i hope you’re having a good week and you don’t let uninformed anons get to you. tell your cat i said pspspsps! 🖤

tysm bestie. i'm v pleased to know u feel that way 🩵

sometimes i'm an asshole, n more frequently than that i can be short w ppl (sometimes even when i don't intend to). i'm far from perfect, n i've been even further from it n def have my share of shit i can look back at n wish i'd handled better (nothing so atrocious as implied here), but the only reason i can look back n feel that way is bc i continuously strive to grow n learn n become more aware. like, i grew up in a time w very different social norms, no access to information that couldn't be found in the local library or experienced firsthand if within biking distance, n was raised by parents from an entirely different culture than where i grew up. we've all got our challenges, but my point is that in many ways my process will have necessarily looked a lot different than it does for a massive amt of the active tumblr base. i'm sure many others here around my age or older or w v different backgrounds from the "average" blogger feel similarly. blah blah but yeah thank u sincerely.

i understand the anons to a point, but it's rly fucking tiresome bc i've talked many times on various iterations of this blog abt problems w age gap relationships, i've answered questions abt how young/old i'd date in great length, most of the women i've dated were roughly the same age as me or older, i was a minor the only times i've had anything approaching sexual contact w a minor (n even then i was the younger partner although not by much), i've pushed ppl away for being too young for me even though they were adults, n i've never pushed someone away for being too old for me, n blah blah barf wtv.

also, ngl, a lot of fucking ppl here r simply ageist, but still i understand the v real threat n the fact that sometimes it's simply a lot smarter to write someone off rather than to give them the benefit of the doubt when the stakes r too high to risk it. however, i wholeheartedly feel like the ppl who come for me here r coming for exactly the wrong person, bc i'm literally over here saying stuff that a massive portion of the population would find reprehensible, n i'm doing it of my own volition. i've talked many times abt my own ongoing effort to integrate the most potentially dangerous n fucked up parts of myself (most of which were put on me n many of which r a result of my v own past bad decisions) into smth healthier n worthwhile. if ppl don't wanna believe that, well, that's not a me problem. unfortunately, however, ppl can still cause v real damage n make it my problem simply by making accusations or mischaracterizing interactions or attributing motivations that don't/didn't/never will exist etc. i wish they'd turn the attention they're giving me to ppl actually out there motivated by a desire for the gross shit instead of coming for someone who isn't motivated by that gross shit n consistently strives to take ownership of his actual shit, but i can't exactly expect anyone to be able to see in the dark.

okay, i'm shutting up abt all this now, but thank u again. my week is going well so far, n i've conveyed ur regards to the silly fuzzball currently purring at my side 🩵

#ty bestie <3 #mail #anon #oc

[spicyicymeloncat]

You replied to my post saying Nya never choice to become the water ninja I 100 percent agree that was traumatic plus that makes Wu I really bad person so wanna talk about it together

Yeah Nya was kinda forced into it. I don’t really blame Wu (sorry if you were hoping to trash him, you’re valid I just don’t hate wu that much tbh) because it’s not like he held Nya at gun point or anything (also Misako had as much part in it) and I’m sure Nya would have found out eventually but yeah it isn’t ideal. A lot of Nya’s plot is really interesting on how it explores her struggle to be independent and have control in her life. A lot of people say that she’s badly written because misogyny but in my humble opinion, I think that there’s a lot of unexpectedly decent feminist (intentional or not) commentary in her story.

Now I’m gonna use this as an excuse to ramble about Nya lol. I feel like I very much stray from your original point but ehh sorry abt that lol

Tl:dr - Nya has a lot of identity and self worth storylines as well a deterministic mindset and it’s cool to observe these themes that are present in literally all of the show

She’s a young girl who gets adopted into a highly male dominated family (she’s the only girl) and quickly adopts the mindset that she has to be better because of the need to prove herself in the face of sexism. By this I mean, she’s always getting singled out because she’s not a ninja (see: Wu asking her to stay home and watch Lloyd whilst the ninja do missions). I don’t think this literally means she didn’t feel part of the group because they were boys, it was because they were ninja but that could be a metaphor.

This leads her to make samurai X and we see that she is an incredibly talented and accomplished person. I used to wonder why she kept samurai X a secret, but I think it’s because by being samurai X, she could control her own actions and other people’s expectations of her. She could be a hero without people worrying about her safety, or her capability. Also this kinda makes sense as to why she was so competitive with the ninja

We also get reference to her need to be independent when it comes to Jay, who in s1 Snake Bit we establish that he overcompensates way too much, putting her on a pedestal and whilst it’s not like he expects much from her, he does have a perceived image of her that isn’t accurate or appreciated by her. She just wants him to be himself, so she can be herself as well. In season 3 we start off establishing how their relationship is flawed which then sets up their (admittedly awful) love triangle arc. Jay is still pretty clingy and Nya still needs her space. There’s no cool socio-political interpretation that makes Nya’s crush on Cole make sense. I mean maybe we can make it a metaphor for how ai and advance technology is kinda soulless and love compatibility is an overly romanticised endeavour and actual relationships don’t work like that. And Nya’s indecisiveness fits into the idea that she’s again forced to make decisions based on other people’s expectations?? And she still has very little control as she becomes a trophy wife essentially, like the prize to Jay and Cole’s contest. Kinda? Anyways…

And then we have s5 where the episode when she wore the green gi could be a nod to the fact that she was very much in the same shoes as the green ninja, an under-prepared hero with the power to save the world. Whilst yeah it isn’t great she was kinda rushed into the responsibility of the world, there’s also another moral to her arc, which is the subject of her true potential, her own impossible standards on herself and how she gives up easily.

Diverging into headcanon area but I like to think that both of Kai and Nya’s true potential are linked to the loss of their parents. Kai valued being the green ninja over everything else because he equates being a ninja to being able to protect his family ever since Nya was kidnapped and he had to become a ninja to save her. And so that translated to being obsessed with being a saviour and the best because if he wasn’t then he had to give up and the last thing he had to give up on was the idea that his parents were coming home. (Dunno if that made sense since I rushed that point but this isn’t abt Kai lol). Nya on the other hand gives up incredibly easily (or at least as soon as it gets hard). She felt she couldn’t be a hero alongside the ninja so she never even told them about samurai X. Instead of fully cutting off from Jay, she remains inactive in their relationship, slowing growing distant from him. Going back to my point abt s1, she seems to hold herself to a certain standard, which I feel like is a valid observation of gender in our society today. Don’t mind me getting a little political but women are held to very strict standards. There were many things women can’t do and no one ever agrees on what, women can’t be too boisterous, or rowdy, and they also can’t be too uptight or safe because then they’re boring. I think even feminist ideology contributes to this to an extent, in our own version of toxic masculinity, the idea that a woman has to be a strong independent woman because otherwise she’s giving in to the patriarchy. Specifically I mean when girls say “I’m not like other girls” and swear off make up, and feel like they have to be un-girly. It’s not that being girly or un-girly is an issue, it’s that people feel like they have to be a certain way because the other way is wrong. And Nya holds unnecessary standards to herself, and it’s only when she allows herself to be messy, unregulated, when she’s not competing to be better than the ninja or better than herself, she’s able to achieve her true potential. And whilst Wu is kinda annoying, I can believe that he’s just trying to prepare her for what’s to come, that sometimes there are no right choices (heyy I’m quoting Seabound).

AND THEN we get season 6. A beautiful Nya season. Yeah I said it, I think s6 is not only a good season, but a good season specifically for Nya. Because that first ep where she was getting judged by the media because she’s the girl ninja, is incredibly real in comparison to real life. Ninjago is a world which happens to have to same gendered standards and sexism that our world does and I don’t think it’s portrayed awfully. So Nya faces heavy critique from the public because flat out sexism, and Jay has the knowledge that she and him are literally fated to date(d). Nya explains to him at the lighthouse that she’s not dating him because it feels like she doesn’t have control of her life, she was always just an add on to someone else’s story like Kai or Jay and she’s even been forced to be the water ninja with powers she didn’t earn, only inherited. But at the end of the lighthouse ep she sacrifices herself again for the world. And importantly she puts her faith into someone else. She’s spent a lot of her screen time trying to battle it out to be independent and separate and self sufficient and self orientated, that she didn’t let anyone in. Yeah she is strong and independent but that doesn’t mean she’s not allowed to rely on ANYONE. It’s important to let others carry the burden sometimes.

Her last words in the finale of Skybound is really telling. She tells Jay that he should use his final wish at the cost of losing her, that she “never wanted to be part of the boy’s club anyways”. She’s accepted she needs to sacrifice herself, and that she still thinks she’s not really a part of the “boy’s club”. She then states that the “greatest love stories always end in tragedy” which shows how pre existing expectations (yeah I feel like I’ve said that too much) have shaped her deterministic mindset, that she isn’t fated to get her happy ending. And I choose to interpret the final wish as Jay being like “no you do get a happy ending I’m going to bend the laws of time and space because you deserve a break”. Also the title “Skybound” is also symbolic because it doesn’t just reference Jay and his powers, or Nadakhan’s floating djinnjago, but how Jay and Nya were technically bound because of Jay’s future thing and also how Nya was bound and restricted herself. Seabound also has similar symbolism but I’ll get to that.

Okay okay s7 is great because we get Nya and Kai’s parents. Tbh s7’s writing is a little weak imo, just cuz the hands of time were really under developed like they only wanted to take over Ninjago so that Krux could prevent the invention of the Borg watch??? But I think it’s nice to note that Kai and Nya’s respective attachment to their powers as seen in s11, might be because it’s one of their only connections to their parents. Their powers are not only symbolic of their connection to Ray and Maya but are also the reason they were able to save them at the end by making the dragon. I’ll go into more detail about Maya and Nya when I talk about Seabound.

Nya is also forced to kinda put her own misgivings and be a brave face for Lloyd in s9. Her brother, her boyfriend and two of her bestest friends were thought dead and she had to be strong for Lloyd. And it’s pretty amazing and she deserves the world! She’s someone who’s gone through so much loss in her life time but she just makes do and moves on. When she had no parents she and Kai looked after themselves on their own, when she couldn’t be a ninja she made herself a mech, when the ninja split up and then went missing on Chen’s island she was rebuilding the bounty and then infiltrated said island. She’s very cool is all I’m saying.

Also a moment of appreciation for how Nya and Jay’s relationship is incredibly different in s10 onwards in comparison to s1-3. Now their dynamic is that Jay doesn’t try as hard to be impressive for her, and she’s allowed to be a big strong gf who somehow keeps catching him from falling or getting injured. We get to see Nya reciprocating and CHOOSING to be Jay’s partner rather than it being Jay who initiates all the time. It’s much healthier and it’s a reflection of how they have both individually and jointly grown as people.

Something I’d say about Nya’s writing is that maybe her arcs are a little too consistent. She is constantly CONSTANTLY having to prove herself. In s11 she has to learn to control the ice in the never realm, in s13 she has to defeat the queen of the munce and assert her dominance as leader of the munce, and in Seabound she has to defend her right as the water elemental. #giveNyaABreak2022 for real. Like we know she’s badass but my god enemies are always underestimating her. Bringing back the feminist commentary but this is again, in line with the narrative that people always underestimate women or even women underestimate themselves. That’s all I got to say on this point.

Seabound is such a good season (I’m halfway through rewatching it - I stopped because I got sad at the merlopian king’s death). We get to see Nya’s independence conflict resurface as she struggles with an overbearing mother who has a specific way of doing things. It’s worth noting that Maya acts like the very traditional stereotype of what a woman should be. She’s calm, collected, motherly, wants to do housework and baby other people, a stickler for rules and manners etc. Note: there is nothing wrong with just happening to fulfil a stereotype, stereotypes are only bad when people expect that groups of people have to fulfil the stereotype purely because they belong to a certain group. Maya is allowed to like cleaning or whatever, it’s only sexist writing if we said that only women like cleaning or she only does it because woman (and she’s like the only woman who acts particularly this way, the other female characters aren’t part of the same mold so imo this is fine). However the fact that Maya does fulfil the homely wife/mother archetype adds to Nya’s own feminist narrative. Nya has basically spent her life trying to defy the expectation that she needs to calm or nice as well put together as her mother and in the season we quickly see that Nya is also trying to defy being like her mother. Nya is her own person who’s gone through different struggles than her mother and Nya doesn’t need to be like her. But it turns out that they share a crucial similarity in that they’ve both faced some really hard decisions. Maya had to abandon her family to save them and at the end of Seabound, so does Nya. In Seabound, the very powers that stripped Nya of her role as samurai are now forcing her to give up her form and her life to save the world. The whole “that’s just how the cookie crumbles” mindset is pretty consistent with Nya is s6. And the title Seabound is very appropriate because of how she’s literally bound to her powers and had to give up her life for them. And..

Spoilers for Crystalized

…we get to see the other ninja defy the impossible to get her back. In crystalized, Nya realised she wants to be herself (again that on going theme of her identity) and wants to be with her family, so much that she’d give her powers and status as the water ninja (which used to be her greatest fear). Her powers as the water ninja represented her need to be better, it represents her journey to become a powerful warrior, but maybe she’ll learn that she was always powerful and strong even without her powers and that she’s allowed to choose herself especially since she has a family of ninja who will break the law for her. I think I’m rambling now but I think you get the point.

Tbh I’m gonna miss her as a ninja and I’ll be happy if she ends up reclaiming her water powers at some point, but rn, a return to samurai x does feel like a logical next step. (I mean maybe I’m just too liberal, I’ll be happy whatever happens to her because at least she’s still kicking right?) Anyways I love Nya and more people should appreciate her! Also more people should appreciate that her story definitely tackles some very real experiences in terms of sexism, I don’t think it did a bad job at that either!

And don’t mind how meandering this post is I wrote it over 3 days lol haha.

#ninjago #lego ninjago #ninjago rant #I talked about feminism and I’m low-key kinda scared this is too much of a hot take for tumblr #don’t wanna make Ninjago a really political thing or anything I just appreciate Nya’s writing especially from a feminist angle ykno #ninjago nya #Ninjago crystalized #ninjago seabound #ninjago skybound #ask

[cubedmango]

NAINAAAA OH MY GOD?(:&:?:& I’M DJD YOUUUUUUU !!!!!!! I’m so sorry I don’t want this entire ask to be pure nonsense so I’m gonna pick up every single one of the million pieces I just exploded into, off of the floor and try and function,,, can I just say you needed to add a warning to that post because I genuinely yelled so loud I felt sharp burn in my chest afterwards WHYY WOULD YOU DO THIS😭😭 KUROSAWA CRYING,, THE BREAKFAST NOTEJNSJS ADACHI AND THEIR LITTLE GIRL CUDDLED UP,,, THE RING,, THE CHERRY!!PYJAMAS I’M FUCKFNFJF oh man. Oh God. Wow you… bless you… you wonderful miracle working legend… like I need you to understand so clearly when I say that my heart took a nose dive upon glancing at that art like my deeply heartfelt love for your art aside the fact that you put it into a perfect visual form with our la sweethearts like I actually can’t move on?? I saw it earlier today and have been racking my brain trying to find ways to properly emote the groundbreaking shift that took place within my soul like. Every so often (every 10 minutes) mind would drift back to Them and I’d have to grab onto the nearest wall to steady myself I’ve officially Lost it. Like thank me? THANK /YOU/ 6473683 times over😭😭😭<333333 I feel like I felt the warm rays of the spring sunshine after a 12 month long winter like truly I’m not sure how but I’m gonna have to join you sensei is gonna receive a mental transmission from me every day onwards BEGGING for this progression it could fix me in so many ways nothing else ever could I just know it…

(other ask below for length)

The ask was getting so long I’m sorry😭 (you Broke Me) BUT your tags had my heart aching because I didn’t even think about that but you’re sooo right like it’s clear that a lot of kurosawa’s unrealistic expectations for himself were ingrained into him through his mother and what she actually expected of him growing up and that manifesting into fears of fatherhood and making the same mistakes is,,,, (had to stop to forcefully regulate my breathing pattern here out of sheer pain) like it’s a perfect next life stage arc that stays true to his character. Plus the whole contrast with adachi being naturally adept and comfortable with fatherhood due to /his/steadfast upbringing and being able to talk things through with kurosawa and help him understand that yeah there’s no such thing as The Perfect Parent™️ but you do just have to learn as you go, while taking into account to be mindful of not making the same mistakes as your own parents but at the end of the day the goal is to create that loving, supportive and consistent environment which he’s more than capable of doing like oh GOD I could eat rocks by the spoonful right now sensei PLEASE,,, I’m gonna stop rambling before every single thought floods out but once again THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for the Kurodachi brain food I’m gonna think about it an insanely unhealthy amount,,, I hope your day was loveliest it could be <333

PLS ANON IM CRYING SM these asks made my day pls im eating up all ur thoughts instantly (and weeps thank u im glad u liked the doodles 🥹) im so unwell abt kurodadchis rn so ty again for putting them in my brain !!!!!

also everything u said abt them talking the possibility out and accepting that they might not be perfect parents but they can actively try to do better and theyre 100% capable of that is just . aaauagGGHHGH i need sensei to make this happen w manga krdc like Right Now and then i need the drama crew to come back and give us a full s2 of this and then same w rd and then-

#THERES JUST SO MANY POSSIBILITIES ITS DRIVING ME CRAZYY #ngl i might make a whole thing for this bc like . I Have To. krdc dads need to be Real this is my duty #anon pls u are always free to ramble in my asks i will take all ur thoughts with the highest levels of gratitude 👐 #and if u have more kurodadchi ideas then blease....... i will thrive off those #my answer

[somescenecatholic]

vent post

tw: queerphobia, religion, depression, offing

pls help me and dw im not depressed or officidal anymore

////

grace culture is being tired of constantly having to hide lgbt stuff (especially this tumblr) from your parents bc theu will lecture you abt how I should hide this stuff

their only reasoning is bc you dont see straight ppl do it

UGH I wish they would actually listen to why! I told my dad and he dismissed it and my mom, i dont remember. I love them sm and im sick of this strain. im done with constantly having to hide in fear of them

like they literally cried when i tried getting a chest binder after they said no (this was literally the most dysphoric point of my life ever and I told them tht and they were just like "well u need to love urself more").

I love being a teen but I srsly cant wait till I get out so I can actually do these things and live how I want to. I have good morals and a good heart so ill be fine.

Mom thinks I'm getting too lost in society, yet thtis same society wants me dead and in hell. Like what???? I told her abt the antimtrans kaws being all over the us and stuff and she said "well what does tht have to do with you?"

IM TRANS, SOME MY FRIENDS ARE TRANS.

Not only tht but human rights should NEVER be repealed! And then she went on and on abt how she helped this person and how she sees herself in me.

Since this is how you are treating an extremely marginalized community, I dont want you in me. I love you and dad so much but I just cant do this anymore. I'm tired of lying and hsving to sit through your speeches abt how I should keep lgbt stuff private bc they would like me to do tht and society may hate it in the future (it already does). I'm tired of lying abt how I agree with you when I completely dont. I'm tired of you saying tht "well God loves everyone" when you really arent acting like tht, actually live your life and truly show His love to everyone you meet.

My dad is the same way execept he's not Christisn (he's Muslim but he doesnt go to mosque) and he looks down on gay/trans ppl bc so much of us have bad mental health. hmm I wonder why?? Its the same thing with Black ppl and other POCs so what are you talking abt?? We're Black so we should know how the other feels! And you're a doctor so you should stop this prejudiced nonsense, please.

I want to actually be able to talk to my parents abt anything and everything and be able to be me. I wish tht I didnt just have God and my friends, but my parents too! I wish tht they actually supported me with this stuff bc all theyre doing is hurting me! They say they love me but when I asked my mom to please use she/they (this was when i was thinking tht i was a demigirl and used she/they), she said "uhh no" and ignored it. only my friends helped. When I told my mom tht I wanted a chest binder, she said "what if its too dangerous and hurts your boobs?". I did research and proved her wrong but she still said no!

srry for the long vent but im just so tired of this. Last night, my mom looked at an image I sent to my brother and friends

this one ^ and she lectured me abt the gay emo pride thing. WHY DOES SHE CARE SM?

For someone who's like "well nobody cares tht youre gay", you care quite a bit. Stop trying to convince me into liking or dating guys and stop trying to force me to not speak abt smth im passionate abt.

"well you havent rlly developed an attraction to guys"

duh obviously, bc I DONT WANNA DATE THEM! Guys are cool as heck and I'd be their best friend but not their gf!

You and dad think im doing this for attention but my entire life, I didnt care abt tht. Even when I was a toddler, I didnt care and made sure you knew! Dont you know me better? You pride me in being your first and being your daughter and you love me alot but if you truly love me, please stop doing this. I wanted to off myself and I was depressed bc of this. You're lucky tht I have a strong relationship with God bc He was the reason I didnt. He gave me wonderful friends and He comforted me through His word.

At the same time, Im afraid to even tell mom and dad this bc I know they'll be absolutely heartbroken and will cry a LOT bc of this. I dont wanna see them cry again bc when I did, I felt like it was all my fault and yeah. I have no clue what to do other than keep this a secret from them until the day I die. And after tht I dont want them to go to hell bc queerphobia goes against all God stands for.

pls help

srry for the long post but ive been holding this back forever. This has gone on for 2 years

#vent post #tw queerphobia #tw queerphobes #lgbt discrimination #queer kids #help please #this is a cry for help #mogai #queer #queer issues #black lgbt #black nonbinary #black xenogender #poc mogai #liom #mogai safe #tumblr

[meirimerens]

hi!!!! i was thinking about peterstakh earlier today and i was thinking abt peter adopting grace and so, i am terribly sorry if you’ve mentioned/talked abt this before but does grace fit in the peterstakh lore, and if she does, how so? i adore the interesting father/daughter dynamics of grace and peter who are both very odd and i was wondering if stakh and grace would get along etc :-) does stakh ever reach Father status..... does little grace paint little flowers on stakh’s hands while peter paints on his shoulders.... these are the pressing questions. ty!!

HI BESTIIIIIIE BEST QUESTION I'VE GOTTEN IN MONTHS

SO BASICALLY

the tldr is that Famly :)

the Longer Story is that peter and grace just click as carer and dependent because they're both of that standoffish swag and bond over being. kinda morbid beings right. and stakh never minded that about peter (at most went from "this guy's weird" to "this guy's weird 😳") so he won't mind it about grace.

in My Mind peter gets Really Protective of grace Really Fast i see it in the way his brother is of him. like Violently Protective. you try to touch a hair of grace's head he will bite your fingers off) and they both imprint on each other very quickly. stakh has a bit more Trouble with seeing grace as a dependent because. and that's my Feelings as extrapolated from the game i'm psychoanalyzing him. he's still very much Wounded Kid inside even tho he's pushing 30. he struggles to recognize himself as a potential father figure because he lacked one when young + the one he had (Isidor) he has very painful feelings towards (feelings of abandonment, disappointment, feels like he both did so much to inherit isidor's place only for it to go to the "lesser son" (artemy) and yet could have done so much more and really ruminates over this... etc)

so stakh at first is a bit Distant of grace, but he can't really be That distant because she's glued to peter's hip and. well. peter's glued to his in other ways. in the meantime, i think grace sees like. What Love Between [what she registers as] Parent[al figures] is. i think her family life was insanely chaotic with both parents addicted to twyrine when she was younger, and addiction can make a family become really loveless to no fault of anyone, and i think In My Mind seeing stakh care for peter even when he's pissdrunk curled in the tub having the worst hangover it gives Grace a sense of. Damn maybe love is real.

while stakh would be a bit distant of her at first i think grace would gravitate towards him as like. The Stable One of the household. and stakh would be like "(nervous laughter) what can i do for you girl?"

In My Mind grace never registers stakh as Dad in the way she does peter and stakh never registers graces as Daughter in the way peter does grace but i think it's very much like. "my father's Special Friend :) (<- knows damn well they're dating)" and "my boyfriend's wonderful daughter who lives with us". they do all consider themselves adoptive/adopted family but there's this distance between stakh and grace that doesn't really bother anyone, including them. they both have struggles wrt Family and have borders (not really boundaries, as they were not self-established) around Familial Love that they struggle with But. they very much love each other. to grace, stakh is like peter's very best friend who's always here and who she Knows kisses him. like it's fine. it's dad's boyfriend/fiancé/husband but it's never really dad... ykwim?

once stakh has like. Accepted Grace as being able to enter his Private Circle she loves just drawing on him. she saw peter do it so she does it too. paints his bald fucking head with skin-safe paints while peter paints his shoulder. stakh is also the only one of the trio who can actually cook.

THANK YOU FOR THE QUASTION

#ring ring (answers) #neigh (blabbers) #peterstakh lore #i think about them soooo much btw #loft family #<- remind me this is my tag for them #grace lore #rubin lore #peter lore #pathologic headcanons

[magnoliamyrrh]

this is about the convo earlier with being molested by family members..i'm also balkan and i grew up with my grandparents but especially my grandpa inappropriately touching my chest and when i tried to tell my mom, older sis and aunt they all dismissed it as 'ehh he probably didn't mean to/his hand slipped'. i didn't wanna insist and look crazy because i do love my grandpa and he was the only parental figure i had in my life growing up, but at the same time...he did do that. idk if he thought it was normal or what but i think about it often. i can't bring it up with my family again because they'll just ignore it (especially now that he's dead). it's weird to think about how loving and nice he was when he was also doing shit like that from time to time. idk where i'm going with this but yeah. i don't think of myself as someone who was molested as a kid but this shit is definitely normalized. i've seen it in other families where they'd constantly touch and talk about their little boy's genitals... it's so fucked up

it really is fucked up, and its fucked up to realize that so many of us grew up w this.... for a long time i thought this was a me issue not a cultural one - and all the silence and shame around it certainly didnt help w that.... its been fucking weird to think abt the last couple of days since i asked on here abt it. like.. weve really made this SO normal and common huh?? that going against it is outright dismissed or even punished??? i cant help but just keep wondering where the fuck it all went so wrong and how we got here - and whats so wrong that things like this havent been accepted only in the balkans but elsewhere. what. what is wrong with this species. incest is one of the only universal taboos among humans, and most other mammals also have an aversion to it. and yet. we have normalized an abnormal amount of it nontheless over and over again .....? uuuff

im sorry you went through that, and im sorry they didn't take it seriously and listen more to you. thats something that always hurts in particular. discomfort/repulsion is a normal reaction to have and youd expect at least the other women in ur family to care or understand it too, and its rly fucked up when they just... dismiss it or minimize it or make you feel guilty for it or like its your issue or hell do it themselves.. i figure for a lot of them, if theyd accept that what youre saying is bad, itd mean theyd have to accept that things they went through themselves was bad, and they dont wanna do that. so they dont do either.. im sorry that u cant speak abt it and i totally get how him being dead would make it all much harder. in my family at least we v much have a "dont speak ill of the dead" sorta thing, or just excusing the actions of particularly men after they did sorta thing......i still haven't told my family just about anything. any time i ever tried to bring up anything as a kid id get dismissed and ignored at best or be punished or degraded and humiliated at worst so.... learned my lesson on that one but. thank u for sending this, i hate to hear how many of us went through this but also its. nice to know that were not alone in this and that other ppl do get it

and i feel you. its a really confusing mess to try to make sense of how to feel abt ppl like that... be angry? be grossed out, be scared? be numb, be okay with it, pretend it didnt happen? excuse it, explain it away? .... and its just weird in the cases when it wasnt rly something particularly violent, or ""not that bad/bad enough"" ig or towes that line of being able to convince urself that maybe welll it could have been an accident. its weird to know how to feel abt them when they were seemingly ok ppl you cared abt and still do and who were nice other times. .. but also... did shit like this which end of the day just isnt ok. idk... i dont think theres rly a end or solution or one way to feel, i think.... its just kinda bound to be a cocktail of conflicting emotions... im still trying to figure out how to find some sort of. idk, potential resolution or peace w any of it but i haven't rly figured it out yet, i just keep turning it in my mind too

#anon im sending u many hugs and wishing u all the best 🌸 feel free to vent whenever