#i'm seriously so tired

[u-n-lucky-being]

This is a rant. Not sure if I'm making sense right now. I'm sorry that I'm posting it but I'm pretty sure that if I keep bottling things up I'm once and for all gonna loose it and the best alternative option to actually opening up to someone is this.

Funny thing about mental breakdowns is that I least you get to learn a little more about yourself.

Today I realized why I love the trope of 'falling in love with a villian/morally grey character' despite that I'm pretty strict about my values, even while reading fiction. The thing is that, no I don't want to fall in love with a 'bad guy', I just want someone who loves me enough to do the things for me that my stupid brain has labeled as 'bad' aka. Setting bounderies.

Is immature to want someone else to set bounderies for you? Absolutely, which is why I'm trying (emphasize trying). But is hard as fuck, specially when the people you are trying to set bounderies with act like you are a cold blooded witch the second you attempt to and even more when you can't even distance yourself physically from them. Today I realized, as I was once more getting emotionally manipulated from these people who claim to have my best interest at heart, that I just wish within me for someone to stand up for me, to shout "fuck you" at them and drag me away before they get to say something about it.

I've been the "mature" one all my fucking life. I'm the oldest child of this family (siblings and cousins). I've been told that I'm "grown up" simce I've been SIX YEARS OLD. I've been the one who stays silent while knowing damn well that what they are saying about me is wrong because "speaking up just creates problems". I've been the one who listens. I've been the understanding one. I've been the one who comforts after getting hurted by them, who allows herself to gets thrown under the bus if it means less harm for others, who takes the blame even when I know its not fair, who acts like the "bigger person" despite being a fucking child in the midst of adult problems. And you know what I've gained back? Nothing. The moment I do even the tiniest of mistakes (or rather than mistakes, things that they do not approve of) I'm suddenly the opposite of what I've been trying so hard to try to be. And I know this and still I can't set my foot down, I can't speak up, I just laugh it off, or smile, or hug them or apologize and keep pretending it doesn't feel like a stab to the heart. I always end up wondering once again if perhaps I'm the one who really is not doing enough, even tho at this point I know objectively that it is not the case.

So yeah, fuck, I want someone who loves me enough to do and say the "wrong things" defending me and doesn't gives two shits, doesn't apologize for defending me, and doesn't back tracks. I want someone who puts me first even when its "wrong". I'm dying here trying to be the 'good girl' they so desperately want from me; so it makes sense for my brain to want a 'bad guy' who allows me to live by doing the opposite of what they want.

Of course this is just as a fantasy. I know real life doesn't work that way. But dammit the fantasy of one day being able to get out of this is the only thing that keeps me relatively stable right now.

#i probably need therapy #i'm seriously so tired #but hey #at least i learned something new about myself #i feel like shit tho #why are the people who you love the most the ones who usually hurt you the most #i know escapism isn't healthy but fuck #villians #enemies to lovers #bad guy

[marihem]

All I know is I just want to spend the majority of my life with you

The actual very first doodle where I finally put my QPR Frans idea on canvas. Man I really love thinking about queer relationships

Please feel free to ask me anything about their relationship too

#seriously i've spent many nights thinking about them #i'm very insane about them #dw the insanity is under control tho (i might be lying) #remember how i saw someone said- #'qpr is to relationships how non-binary is to gender' #'queer' also means strange/outside of the established standards so we can go nuts with our own meaning #man this is so damn cool #i could go on and on about this topic #frans #frisk #sans #sansfrisk #qpr frans #sans x frisk #frisk x sans #i would gnaw on my fingers hard if i'm not too tired rn #if you read all these tags i appreciate you <33 #my art

[artofalassa]

Guys....

Don't reblog somebody else's fic/art of their own AU just to add a link to your h o r n y fic with a similar topic. It's borderline impolite........ 🙄

You never know who's on the other side. There are artists who seriously don't want their art connected to po/rn in any way.

It's rude to use somebody else's (personal or not) art as an ad for your stuff w/o asking, but this is just.......

Disgusting.

#i'm so tired #seriously....

[zephyrfuse]

i miss salt spray rig it was complete bullshit competitively but i don't care it was literally just a rig near the ocean and the kids were there bring it back 2023

#shosh #i'm salty i miss it #and blue fin blue fin was so bullshit #just random match ups on both sides it's so funny to see what happens #i'm tired of 'balanced boring maps' bring back just wacky DIY gym course #and i miss piranha pit and arrowana even though they were in 2 #but seriously blue fin and salt spray didn't make it back yet BRING BACK #they're probably gonna ruin them though knowing how flounder was slaughtered 😭😭😭😭 #and mahi got smaller fuck that

[likeabxrdinflight]

looking at the news and seeing shit about the primaries as if the 2020 election rigmarole wasn't like, five minutes ago

#I'm so tired of every presidential election feeling like life and death #seriously tho it can't be 2024 already #I feel like we just finished up with the 2020 bullshit #america please be smart I don't think our democracy as fragile as it is can survive another trump term #I really don't

[lyxchen]

Something I also love about Heartbreak High is how the main character is just so silly <33 Like Amerie doesn't try to be cool or fit in or anything. She's silly and weird and she knows that and she's confident in that and that makes her such a lovely and amazing main character <333

#like seriously #often the main character is kinda boring #because they always have to be this misunderstood outcast who just wants to have friends #but not amerie #she cares and she loves and she protects with all her heart and she is so fun and silly goofy and sometimes she fucks up and she's amazing #i love her so so dang much!!!! #heartbreak high #amerie wadia #lea's random thoughts #i also love how heartbreak high comes much closer to actual social relationships between sudents than a lot of other highschool shows do #like nit everybody hates everybody actually #and sometimes people become accidentally and unexpectedly close friends #like amerie with darren and quinni #that happens #and things pass #like you won't actually be forever knows for that one embarassing thing you did one time #nobody calls amerie map bitch anymore #because people move on #anyways #i'm too tired to write more about this but maybe some other time

[acatpiestuff]

@critterbitter OK so

First off:

Yes this is a fully pokemon world

THE BOYS AREN'T POKEMON THEYRE JUST NORMAL ASS SEALS/SELKIES because i think its funny. Because of this decision, Arceus has no idea how they got here but is now sweating cause it doesn't really know how to make them leave.

this technically means that theyre an invasive species?? i guess but eh

Drayden is here in this AU, but he's on vacation (gone fishing) [GONE WRONG]

the boys are good at hunting for fish

this means that the fishing in the bay they appeared in has been SUFFERING when it comes to fishing because these damn seals are hindering them

Ingo found litwick in a shipwreck and just kind of visits its shipwreck until he figures out what pokeballs and battling is

tynamo convinced Emmet not to eat it, and now just kind of follows Emmet around. (they are friends :D)

Later on, perhaps maybe a year into the seal guys terrorizing the port, I think Drayden just goes like "damn this vacation fucking sucks" and goes up to the seal boys and is like:

"So y'all are able to be humans right" "sure" "I guess" "I'mma be absolutely real with you two, I need you to find a hobby other than stealing clothes and things from everyones boats, and depleting the fish population. Do you know what battling is" "Hunting someone for sport" "Absolutely incorrect. Anyway take this ball. You can catch pokemon creatures in them. You then make your creature and another creature fight each other. Go. Please" "okay"

(AND then the boys proceed to get really good at battling. Poor Drayden just sits in his boat with his head in his hands, and is just like damn. Now the seals can extort MONEY from us too why did I do this)

THIS WAS A VERY CONVOLUTED REPLY BUT YES they DO EVENTUALLY GET ALL THEIR TEAM MEMBERS IT JUST TAKES A WHILE BECAUSE THEY GOTTA FIGURE OUT WHAT BATTLING IS FIRST

maybe later later later on they acquire a boat for themselves too... hmhmmhhmhhmhmhmm...

#ahahhahehehehehe SORRY MY NIGHTLY RAMBLINGS ARE VERY DISORGANIZED BUT YEAH #this is a silly au where things are very silly and nothing is really taken seriously so i get silly w it #selkie au #submas #ingo #emmet #drayden #I SAY VACATION BUT MORE LIKE SORT OF RETIREMENT #POOR DRAYDEN AND HIS FISHING VACATION GONE WRONG #but yeah #haehheahe #emmet tried to eat tynamo and tynamo is just like hey please dont do that #and emmets like oh. ok #and then tynamo just sticks around for the rest of time #i'm so tired i hope this makes sense #catpie hollers

[iite-cool]

someone needs to send simon to me RIGHT NOW. i am so sick of carrying my heavy shit around i want him to treat me like a princess and just like... think for me. he can make the decisions bc i'm done i'm tired i need a break

need him to chauffeur me around pls i don't have my license yet..... i'll give him kisses (everywhere).

this is a psa for simon riley: come find me!!!

#I'm like actually #I'm so tired #I'm sleepy all the mf time #if he was here I'd be asleep in his arms rn #why is he not real #but seriously my bags are so goddamn heavy every fucking day and just... I'm done #send him to me NOW #need a big beefy man to take care of me #maybe I should start going to rugby games and look lost #that's a great idea #it's not even 10pm why am i nodding off #simon x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #cod x reader #vi.muses

[guardian-angle22]

TK/Carlos + Looks

↳ 2.08 Bad Call

#911 lone star #tk strand #carlos reyes #tarlos #tk/carlos + looks #this is a mini-look edition lmao #I didn't know where else to fit this so its been sitting in my drafts forever #but its so fucking cute #and I got tired of looking at it in my drafts sitting there so I decided to just post it by itself #but seriously their faces in this kiiilll me #tk is like 'do you see what i've had to deal with my entire life carlos do you see why i am the way i am?' #and carlos is like 'oop. yep. i do' #adorable #my gifs #i'm just imagining how many looks theyve given each other over their parents' shoulders #episode: s02e08 bad call

[sonicchaoscontrol]

[Ch. 1, Page 26]

[FIRST] [PREVIOUS] [NEXT]

'Good Morning' would have sufficed, you know. Fluffy capes are no substitute for bad manners

(Image formatted for mobile or fullscreen - view in new tab if you experience fuzzy resolution!)

#sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonic au #sonic fancomic #sonic fanart #sonic comic #story mode #mod is so tired and may or may not need a week to catch up #but i'm SO excited for what comes next!!! #seriously though does nobody use alarm clocks around here

[softd0m-charlie]

if One More Person. reblogs my posts about doms being allowed to be silly by crying and whining that switches aren't included in it. I'm going to fucking delete the post. i do not even care if you're "being silly" or "doing it as a joke" you're derailing what i was trying to talk about. i would rather not have that post on my blog at all than have most of the interactions on it be completely missing my point and whining about how I'm not catering to you, joke or not. suck it up or I'm turning reblogs off.

#I'm so fucking tired of all of you #well. not all of you #some of you are real ones and ily #but i was TRYING to make a point about the constant categorization of doms and subs just based on behavior #and none of you took it seriously #and i'm tired #anyway normal tags to make sure people actually see this #ftm nsft #t4t nsft #trans nsft #ftm t4t #ftm dom #ftm top #nsft t4t #t4t mlm #ftm puppy #ftm pet #autistic #autistic nsft #autistic experiences #autistic adult #sexualizing autism #autism #puppy dom #dumb puppy #puppy boy #puppyboy #puppy sub #nsft puppy #mlm t4t

[kenobion]

Andrew Garfield at the Critics Choice Awards

#I cannot stop looking at him he's so stunning it's unreal #andrew garfield #my gifs #thank you to this maximo thing for the footage but why did you have to watermark it So Much #I seriously cannot stop looking at him #I could spend a lifetime gazing at his face and never get tired of it #and I can't stop smiling foolishly over him #and I don't want to stop #I'm just wild about him #I've never been like this about anybody ever #until him #tw: flashing #flashing gif

[y-rhywbeth2]

OK, so good news(?); either the temple is so dilapidated that it isn't worth taxing (considering its in a part of the city that's so old the modern city is built on top of it: fair) or else Durge will be going to jail for tax evasion... Oh dear, it looks like it's time for the apocalypse! What a shame that will interfere with the court date!

Also they seem to expect the bank to still be standing once they're done razing the city and they are a fucking terrible employer:

Player: "Fine. I'll open an account." Head Clerk Meadhoney: "Splendid! New coin and customers always welcome. We need only settle the matter of Waukeen's Wage." Player: "I've recently come into a large estate. Could I sign it against that as a guarantee instead?" Head Clerk Meadhoney: "Naturally. We serve the Gate's oldest families - not all have cash in hand. What kind of establishment would we be if we saw value in coin alone? Could you provide the address of your property?" Player: "It's in the Undercity." Head Clerk Meadhoney: "Oh, by the Coinmaiden! How, er, quaint. And the name of the manor?" Player: "Erm, the Bhaal Temple." Head Clerk Meadhoney: "Is that B-H-A-A-L or B-A-L-L?" Player: "Bhaal. As in, the Lord of Murder." Head Clerk Meadhoney: "Silly me - of course! Let me check our records..." Head Clerk Meadhoney: "I'm afraid your estate is not registered on the Sword Coast customs censuses - have you been paying your mansion taxes? Or perhaps it isn't valued highly enough to be above the threshold." Player: "It is an illustrious household. We employ paid help!" Narrator: *You wonder how many years ago it was you last gave Sceleritas so much as a table scrap of your dinner, let alone any paycoin.*

Hey, he's a fiend! He has no biological needs to pay for, and I dread to think what he'd spend money on.

And more of Durge being a hilariously entitled brat:

Player: "The indignity! I'm heir to one of the oldest families in this city!" Head Clerk Meadhoney: "Then why not bring the gold for the account? Father not given out your allowance yet?"

Good question!

BHAAL. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY POCKET MONEY.

That said, I don't think Bhaal has ever had estate in the city whose existence he predates and I don't think that they have any claim on the Anchev's stuff (assuming they weren't nouveau-riche). Then again, the temple is technically Bhaal's house, has been there forever, and as a god he does outrank the nobility, so... they're kind of right?

"I am a god and an honorary Patriar, you peasants."

Player: "Fool! I will soon hold the treasures of the world over, as all tremble in stricken awe." Head Clerk Meadhoney: "Do come back when you do!"

#I'm keeping my original headcanon though #Durge did you basically just fucking try and pawn your father's temple to the bank #Waukeenar: “Yes the Bhaalists are all serial killers but more importantly: have they been paying their taxes?” #I will never get tired of Durge being a brat and nobody taking them seriously #All that said the temple still involves finances employee management networking and all that stuff #So my “Orin did all the paperwork and hates you all” headcanon stands #babbling #/durge

[canisalbus]

What do you think would have happened if (somehow, idk how but somehow) Machete rose to the rank of pope?

To be perfectly honest? I think most realistically he would've ruled maybe six months at best and then keeled over from stress and exhaustion.

#seriously he wouldn't want to be the pope papacy is for chumps but if he had to #he would've kicked out so many cardinals #his former colleagues riddled with corruption nepotism incompetence and moral decay #it would've upsetted so many elite families but what are they gonna do #pope's power is absolute he could totally do that #just excommunicate the whole lot #do something to get Holy See's finances in order he's been crunching numbers they aren't looking good #build sturdier foreign relations probably he's a diplomat I think he'd likely be extremely done with superfluous wars and useless bickering #maybe commission some extravagant artworks art is nice he knows to appreciate beauty when he sees it #become the senselessly rich patron to a handful of top notch artists although I think he already does that in canon timeline #I'm not sure how he'd handle the ongoing counter-reformation I guess it depends whether this was before or after the inquisition times #minimal public appearances because lord that's way too many people too many eyes being a figurehead is not his strongest suit #develop stomach ulcers get sepsis #historically it's actually not very uncommon for popes to expire relatively quickly after they're elected #they don't even have to be particularly old stuff's just tiring they get frazzled out #answered #anonymous #Machete

[skymoonandstardust]

I’ve seen this happen one too many times and I’ve had enough

#seriously. you want to make them hate you? #regret being that character you love? #or creating that favorite tv show of yours? #there is a time and place to show them appreciation #and stalking them is not the way #pls i'm so tired #you couldn't make me be famous to save my life #not if this is how y'all treat people #stranger things #joseph quinn #eddie munson #mcu #marvel #avengers #the avengers #tom holland #peter parker #spider-man

[soupbtch]

ummm. my fic is done.

#I mean it still needs a bit of editing but like after almost four months #the hell (writing) is finally over #it's clocking in at around 61k words rn and im tired #time to relax ((cry)) #actually you know what. fuck it I'm gonna overshare about this a bit. #I've never written fic before #and besides that - this is the first thing I've sat down to write seriously in about ten years #and ten years ago I was just writing poetry and papers for college #(I don't mean 'just' in a bad way - I only mean that it's been a very different experience for me personally) #very protective over this fic in that it's been sitting in my lap and in my brain for a few months and I don't want to give too much away #so I've deliberately been vague with the marketing of it. because I want people to read and be surprised and experience it firsthand. #and I know it's supposed to be self-indulgent and writing should be about the process and not the results but #I hope people read it??? I've poured my soul into this thing. a bit. a lot. and I'm a simple creature who craves validation. #it's very personal yet at the same time I feel like I haven't done anything new or groundbreaking which. okay it's self-doubt saturday so. #I should ignore that feeling. anyyyyyyyyway. #I hope to post the first chapter in two weeks. crossing my fingers that I don't abort mission before then aaaaaahahaha #also comparison is the thief of joy etc etc etc #danny.xls #danny writes