#i'm sure i'll find something to regret about this when i wake but i am sending post i can't look at this anymore flksjdf )

[balladetto]

     Once, when Link was even smaller than he feels, he'd knocked his shoulder out of its socket in a terrible fall.

     Terrible in that he'd cried about it, ashamed and at the then-height of pained, not that it was a particularly horrific tumble. He'd just landed wrong, he remembers someone telling him — frantic and almost apologetic in their reassurance. Too much has happened for him to reconstruct a face for the memory, but Link can still recall the stutter in their words. You're g-gonna be okay. Y-you're gonna— gonna be f-fine.

     And he was. Someone had gone to fetch a healing fairy while others came to keep him company. It'd been the right shoulder, burning at the joint and numb all the way down to his fingertips, but he'd found a spot of hurt he could grit his teeth through; then breathe through; then eventually speak through. By the time the fairy was brought over, Link had been so deep in the rhythm of holding himself together that he'd nearly slapped her away when she broke it.

     He remembers her, he thinks, the most out of everything. There's a distinct clarity associated pain will give you with any recollection. She was rose-pink, a little darker than he was used to, and she'd bristled when he whimpered through a fresh wave of tears and pushed at her with his pinky.

     "Stop that," she'd said. "Bones aren't easy, you know. It'll only hurt for a pinch, it has to for me to fix it. You're already being so brave! Can't you be brave a while longer?"

     Outside the memory, Link lays crumpled on cold tiles, eyelids like crushed butterfly wings and the cave of his chest barely moving as he looks up and up and up. He thinly wonders, for a fixing like this, how long he'd have to keep being brave for.

     Neither of his shoulders took the landing this time, but he knows many things are wrong with both of them. By extension, many things are wrong with all of him. He should take stock, a part of him understands. He'd like to take stock, another part realises, if only he had the capacity to. Each breath shifts the slivers and splinters his bones have shattered into. Agony twists through every vein like a replacement for the blood he imagines paints his trail from platform to windows to the far below floor. He can't feel his fingers, which twitch as if to grip something — his left hand, mangled, rests as if in graveyard dirt.

     There is no amount of searching in this sea that will land him in a place where this might be bearable.

     "Link!" Navi yells, a trilling bell that drowns out the sound of dying. His heart threads an extra thump, like he still has it in him to be scared alongside everything else, before it fades back into a whisper of a pulse. She wheels above him in panicked, powdery circuits: hair to boots and back. "Get up! You have to get up!"

     He does. He does have to. Link doesn't get to think he's gonna die now. He doesn't get to be tired enough — small enough — for that. He draws a rattling inhale, head practically cracking open with how the air presses against its seams. He's sixteen. The world will end if he's nine. He's sixteen, sixteen, sixteen.

     He chokes on liquid rising in his gorge, coughs it up, and closes his eyes when gravity brings the blood down in blotches on his skin. It's— really gross, and that's such a mundane thought in the face of what he has to reckon with that his chest starts spasming with strangled laughter instead.

     "Link!"

     Navi, he replies in his head, 'cause that's all he can do. He traces over more names: Sheik, Zelda, Saria, the Sages, the Kokiri, the list goes on as his voice dips into hitching, searing gasps. It's an awful thing to realise — that's all he can do. Link has to get up, has to be Courage, has to be more than what he is.

     And he can't.

     Sound drifts down from above, mocking. Cruel. It's a laugh getting louder and louder, and Link prises his lashes apart with the sheer will borne from a unique dread. A kind of fear, if you felt it not in sensation, but in the dizzying spiral that is the certainty of where this will all end.

     A kind of fear — and a kind of fury.

     Link is nine, thrown to the ground, battered and muscles stinging with a magic he tastes as something crackling on his tongue. He glares up at the tall man on the tall horse, smouldering so brazenly with protective, frustrated outrage that he shakes with it. He is not unafraid of the sneer that answers him, but he does not look away.

     Link is nine, broken over the ground, near dead and stuck in a body he's tried to make his. His eyes are cold as he watches Ganondorf descend, burning with tears dyed red from failure. The brand on his left hand glows, resonating with a magic he no longer has the nerves to feel. Navi doesn't leave. There are a thousand things he wishes he could scream.

     Large fingers fold around the wrist of his gauntlet, deliberate in their ignorance of the softness a joint that bent must be afforded. As his arm is lifted, the pain dragged along every passing second like some horrible, continuous song-note that eclipses even his fears, he pretends none of the noises coming from him are his and thinks everything that could mean: I hate you.

     He thinks everything that could mean: I'm so sorry.

     The man raises his other hand, palm closing in, and Link forces another entire earth on the child he can't be even here — even now. He does not look away. Navi, oddly muffled, rings something wordless.

     Link waits for the end of this story.

#* lionheart / study. #( so uh. down.fall timeline drabble! [pops a party popper] #i don't usually write on full workdays because i /can't/ write on those days (head fuckening. empty) but god. god #Inspired!! i hope it reads well <3 #thinking about. an ending where li.nk turns out more kokiri than hylian (yay?) in that he's a spirit that no longer ages who takes on the #image of a child most times because that's what his core mainly reflects. but it's like looking at smth you aren't supposed to #in the itchy brain sort of way -- and sometimes the borders of his form blur so entirely that he's the image of what he was when he. y'know #do you get me. do you see the vision < delirious with sleep deprivation #i'm sure i'll find something to regret about this when i wake but i am sending post i can't look at this anymore flksjdf ) #* lionheart / ic. #* ic / para. #* v / a story that can't be changed. #death implied #ask to tag / #* intermission / queue. #long post cw

[footballfanficwriter]

Late night cravings

Summary:where the reader is craving  and she wakes Jude up to her her food

A/n: I am well aware of the war that is happening between Israel and Palestine and I just want to say I support Palestine, but I want to let you know that before reading this there will be mentions of companies that are owed by Israel so consider this a warning when reading also the timeline of these events are before the war or the war is nonexistent and is not taking place

__________________________________________

It's 3 in the morning and I'm tossing and turning in bed, I turn to my left and find Jude is fast asleep, how can he be asleep, how can he fall asleep so easily

I sigh, giving up on finding a comfortable position and just lying on my back, my pregnancy bump just slightly peeking out in my line of vision, I stare at the ceiling for a while and think about how life is going to be in a few months, having babies and a  being mother, and in a few years being referred to as mom, the new responsibilities I'll have, I can't lie I'm terrified, I mean you see all these cases of mother's mental health decrease and how they have post partum depression after giving birth, what If I became like that and start hating my babies because of their existence, and those poor children won't understand a thing that is happening, just that their mother doesn't want them, or what if I just get depressed, and the need to do anything just disappears, I mean I can't afford to be depressed, it's going to affect the babies especially when I'll be breastfeeding and all

I sigh again and try not to look at the negative side of the situation, Jude said I should always call him or wake him up whenever I feel like this so he can reassure me and make me feel like everything is going to be ok, but I don't want to bother him, especially when it's so late, he's already got a lot on his plate, I continue staring at the ceiling just tapping on my belly for a while, and that seems to have woken my unborn children because they start kicking, it must be a party in there

"Ok guys go back to bed, it's too early for you guys to be awake" I whisper

I sigh for the 3rd time knowing it won't work

All of a sudden I feel the urge to eat like I haven't eaten in a while, I'm craving McDonald's,  KFC, and oddly enough something sweet, I don't know what but I'm craving something sweet

I try to ignore my hunger but I can't , I use my arms and hands to make me sit up and turn my head towards Jude then sigh again

"Jude"

"Babe"

"Jude wake up"

He wakes up and looks at me with tired eyes

I instantly regret waking him up the minute I see his eyes

"It's ok honey go back to bed"

"No, what is it, what do you need me to do"

"No, it's alright, it's not important anyway"

"Well, it must be if you woke me up at 3:30 in the morning"

"No it's not, go back to sleep, I'm sorry for waking you up"

"You know I'm not going back to sleep if you're not going to tell me what's wrong" he says

We sit in silence for about 5 minutes

"I'm hungry" I say

"Ok" he says getting out of bed finding his pants and putting them, then his socks followed by his shoes and a black hoodie, he then grabs his phone and opens it

"What do you need" he asks

"No, come back to bed, you don't need to do anything"

"Honey I'm already out of bed, you might aswell tell me"

"Ok, I want two big mac's from McDonald's, hot wings from KFC 24 pieces, a medium sized pizza with cheese, chicken pepperoni, apple juice, and something sweet, I don't know what but I want something sweet"

"Is that all?"

I nod and he says

"Ok, I'll be back soon"

He slightly climbs over the bed and kisses my forehead

"Don't feel bad love, I don't mind going out to get you food"

"You sure?"

"Definitely"

He leaves the room and walks downstairs, opens the front door and he's out

It's only after an hour when I hear the front door open again indicating that Jude is home, I hear him come up the stairs, walk down the passage and the door to our room opens

I see him holding take out and he walks over to me and places everything on the bed

"Ok, so I got everything you asked me for but I didn't know what type of sweet thing you wanted so I got you your favorite sweets/candy and your favorite cake, is it too much?

"No no honey it's perfect"

"You sure?"

"Mhm"

"Ok"

"Thank you"

"You're welcome"

He takes his shoes off and goes to his closet to put them away, he comes back and sits on the bed while I start eating my food in silence

I then turn to him and see him lying on his back with his eyes, I place one of the big mac's on his lap and he looks at me

"What are you doing?" He asks

"Have something to eat"

"No it's fine babe go ahead besides you're eating for 3"

"Yes but you still need to eat"

He sighs and takes the burger from his lap and we eat in silence

"You know, we still haven't come up with any baby names" I say

"Babe we'll name them when they arrive"

"We can't name them when they arrive who do you think we are kylie Jenner?"

He laughs at my comment

"Their names have to have Js though" he says

"No"

"Their names will be different but similar"

"Like?"

"What about Ella and Alex?"

"Or Beatrice And Brandon"

"Beatrice?"

"Yeah"

"That's an old lady's name"

"Madison and Mason"

"No, I'm not really feeling it

"What about Brian and Brianna"

"Ok we'll put that in the idea box, it's not bad"

"Really?"

"Yeah, what about Cara and Carter"

"Hmm, Cara and Carter Bellingham"

"Brian and Brianna Bellingham"

"O I like it"

"I know"

"Ok but on a serious note we need to discuss how we're going to raise these kids Jude"

"What do u mean?"

"Ways of discipline, what if they do something we won't approve of how would we react, what if they come out and they're part of the LGBTQ, what then what?"

"Ok, ways of discipline?"

"Yeah, we need to think about those"

"Simple we'll just beat them"

"I'm not hitting my children"

"Fine, then I'll do it"

"Jude"

"I'm joking, we can take away the things the love, like toys ban them from going to friends, you know all the soft stuff"

"Ok what about the age they can Start dating, and being in relationships?"

"Brian can date when he's 13 but Brianna is dating when she's 28"

"That's insane, we going to treat our kids equally, we can't discriminate because of their genders"

"Fine, both at 13 then" he says rolling his eyes at me

"Did you just roll your eyes at me?" I ask

"yeah why, you wanna pull a Christian Grey on me"

"The fact that you can make that reference"

"Yeah, I can"

"Jude we're supposed to be talking about our Future and the Future of our kids"

"Ok, ok sorry"

"Then the LGBTQ thing"

"We disown them immediately" he says in a dramatic way

"Well it won't make me happy either but I guess we'll live with it, they are our children at the end of the day"

"Yeah"

"And the involvement of our parents in their lives, what boundaries need to be set"

"They need to be present that's for sure, buy them gifts and spoil them rotten, I just want them to make a strong connection and bond"

"Yeah that's for sure"

"What about sleep schedules"

"For us or for them?"

"For us"

"We'll take turns"

"One day it's my turn to stay the night with them, then then the next it's your turn, but if it's the both of them being fussy then we can both be awake, and rotate each twin  by the hour"

"What methods should we use If they don't want to sleep?"

"Music, white noises I heard that's good and relaxation for when you're trying to sleep so we'll use that or classical music it's up to them really

"And their sleep schedules?"

"20:00, that's their bed Time, everything must be done before that"

"And sports , that they'll play"

"You already know the answer to that question, I don't even know why you're asking that"

He laughs and I smile at him

"Social media for them?"

"Well considering who their dad is we need them to use other names, and they must be private accounts"

"At what age?"

"14 is when it can happen"

"So social media and phones at 14?"

"Yeah"

"And a trust fund?"

"Most definitely having that, we never know when things go South"

"Ok"

"And I think we should go for Therapy"

"Why, our marriage is not on the rocks"

"I know but I want us to strengthen our relationship and relate to eachother better, you might have things that I do that you don't like and things you do that I don't like, we were very young when we met, and they say time changes people we aren't the same people we were when we met"

"Fine, we'll go"

"And this will strengthen our marriage as well so it's a plus"

"Ok love, anything that makes you feel comfortable"

"Thank you"

"You know I'm glad we're doing this"

"Yeah same"

"That way if any problem is thrown at us we'll be prepared for it"

"True"

He leans in for a kiss and I do the same, I'm about to attach our lips when I feel something coming up my throat

Puke

I quickly open my eyes and run to the bathroom

"Oh wow if I disgust you so much then why'd you marry me"

"Jude"

"No really answer the question"

"It's the sight of your face, it makes me sick

"Very funny"

"It's not a joke" I say brushing my teeth

"Do you wanna cuddle"

"Yeah"

"C'mon then"

I walk towards him and lay my head on his chest and he plays his hand on my belly

"We've got footballers brewing in there"

"Jude, if they choose that they don't want to be footballers then please don't force them or make them feel bad about it or even force them, I want them to make their own decisions

"Fine, but I will be disappointed though"

"Understandable"

#football fanfic #romance #world cup #x reader #fan fiction #football #soccer fanfiction #imagine #reader #love #jude x reader #jude bellingham x y/n #jude #jude bellingham fanfiction #jude bellingham #judebellingham fanfic #judebellingham #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagine #fan fic #hot footballers #footballer #sexy footballers #soccer fan fiction #soccer #fanfiction #jude bellingham fanfic #jude victor willliam bellingham #england squad

[rottenmemes]

the front bottoms—various lyrics sentence starters.

some lines adjusted to fit; feel free to change pronouns, proper nouns, etc. as needed

am i getting into heaven? there’s no fucking way.

i would sleep better on your floor than i ever would in my bed.

learn to accept that the things we have now are the best we've had yet.

your friends are here and they miss you, but they’ll eventually move on.

i will always think about you, ‘cause you remind me of who i am.

i’ve tried and i gave everything i had, but i just gave up.

what we have is nowhere near as good as what we should have by now.

it's okay to give up, 'cause nobody here could care less.

time is running out and i need to choose, the clock is moving faster than it used to.

they say face your fears, but i can't stop running.

i'm scared i'm gonna die as lonely as i feel.

it's okay if you're unhappy—just take a look around. there's no one here that's happy either.

the only thing that'd shut me up now is your hands around my throat.

if i tell you all my secrets, would you tell me all your lies?

i have stitched a mask of confidence and i wear it like a glove.

no one's going to listen ‘til you mean every word you say, so if you can't find the feeling, you better learn to lie—and if you know we're gonna fail, then there's little point to try.

i can't get what i need, and you're all i need.

there are certain things you ask of me, but there are certain things i lack.

you say i'm changing—sorry, i didn't know i had to stay the same.

i think you're changing, but don't worry—you don't have to stay the same.

i shouldn't feel like i have to protect you.

at my funeral, don't lie. tell them i didn’t want to die.

i understand that everybody's got their problems, but you seem to have a little more than anybody.

there are things i think we'll come to regret, and the majority of them are dealing with me.

i used to love the taste, i'd do anything for it—now i'd do anything to get the taste out of my mouth.

what about your friends? don't you love them enough to stay?

it probably won't get easier, just easier to hide—prepare for an aching the rest of your life.

i have this dream that i am hitting my dad with a baseball bat, and he is screaming and crying for help—and maybe halfway through it has more to do with me killing him than it ever did protecting myself.

i believe that, yeah, maybe no one's perfect—but i believe that you're pushing your luck.

there's no doubt in my mind that if you could, then you would try to crack my ribcage open and pull my heart right through.

i've been around long enough now to know that the good things never last.

how low is your self esteem? how low could it possibly be?

i know you're in love with me, and i've been ignoring you.

i’m alone only half of the time, and the other half, i’m only hiding.

i got miles to go 'til i ever get home, but the sound of your laugh and your voice on the phone makes me feel like i’m already there.

hey man, i love you, but no fucking way.

make sure you kiss your knuckles before you punch me in the face.

the good thing about this cast is i can still hold a knife, so if you ever twist my arm again, i'll be sure to put up a fight.

the past few months were pretty rough; a couple times i wished we both were dead.

just try to appreciate what you got while you got it, so if it ever goes away, you can say you enjoyed it while it lasted.

i don't regret it—how could i? you were the best i ever had.

i wish i could pretend to be all of the things you think you see in me.

i don’t care if you’re not sorry; i forgive you.

the farther you go from where you start, the harder it is to get back.

just because something burns bright doesn't mean it's gonna burn forever.

don't feel bad for me, because i won't feel bad for you.

when i wake up, i think of you.

it doesn't get worse, and it doesn't get better; you just get old—it lasts forever.

no one saw me the way you did, and no one's seen me that way since.

i know that no news is good news, but that’s always felt backwards.

i’m bound by love, born to obey.

you are the truth i choose to bend myself around.

a long time ago i promised that if you were happy, then i was happy.

don't take it easy on the animal—i am the animal.

sometimes things work out perfectly when there's nothing to lose.

i don't know where i am, but i've been here before.

i'm sorry for your loss, there's not much i can do.

i could see myself dying for you.

we're both trying, you gotta give us that.

why don't you put your boxing gloves on and punch your punching bag, get some of this rage out you have deep inside of you—you’ll feel better, that's the point.

there was resentment built up that was never expressed properly.

you seem to see through whatever it is about me that's trying to be tough.

this is the fear i was born into, it somehow still affects me today.

it may or may not seem like you're leaving me behind, and it may or may not be always on my mind.

i don’t wanna put a curse on myself—i don’t wanna put a curse on you either.

you don't have to try so hard to not see me around.

the more you give, the worse it gets.

i wanna be good to the people that i love—i want them to think of me as someone that they can trust.

i wanna settle down—i want you to settle down with me.

#the front bottoms memes #inbox memes #rp memes #ask memes #roleplay memes #rp starters #sentence starters #roleplay starters #rp prompts #roleplay prompts

[punsmaster69]

11/JAN/20XX

"But do you even NEED to?"

"why wouldn't we?"

"I can kiiinda see why Papyrus has to brush 𝘩𝘪𝘴, but does food ever actually interact with 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 teeth?"

"gets converted directly to energy."

"But does that involve it touching your teeth?"

"depends."

"𝘋𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴???"

"yeah."

"I've watched you eat-"

"far too closely."

"-And I still hardly understand how it works for you."

i shrugged.

"some things are better left unexplained."

"Going back to the teeth brushing."

"great."

"You need to."

"sure."

"But, if your teeth are always exposed and out and stuff..."

"albeit not wrong, something about that phrasing is off-putting."

"Wouldn't showers count as cleaning your teeth as well?"

"........"

"The soap gets on your teeth when you're in there, right?"

"......"

"Wait, can you eat soap?"

"i think-"

darkness befell my screen as their phone toppled onto their bedsheets for a moment.

"Whoops."

"i think most things could eat soap if they tried."

"Could you eat rocks?"

i heard flowey from somewhere behind them.

"Not this again!"

"If you talk about eating rocks one more time I'm going to HIT you with rocks instead."

frisk whipped around.

"I'll open my mouth."

"...What??"

"I'll just eat the rocks as they come at me!"

"I."

"..."

even from behind a screen, i could feel the dumbfoundedness coming from flowey.

"Go ahead. Do that."

"It'd be fun to shatter your teeth with those rocks!"

frisk slowly turned back to the phone.

"Hey."

"hey."

"Flowey says he's gonna shatter my teeth with rocks."

"i heard."

they looked at flowey again, then at me.

"You should ground him."

"he's always grounded, but i can look into a different soil for him."

"Saaaans-"

smack.

"AGH-?!"

something hit the back of frisk's head. they snapped to flowey.

"WHY?"

"WHY DID YOU THROW THE CAR AT ME THIS TIME?!"

"I didn't even MAKE the joke. He did!"

"I'm blaming you for the setup."

suddenly the phone camera faced the ceiling, and frisk was out of sight.

i heard stomping, a loud clatter,

"Your aim sucks."

and the sound of something breaking.

"Good job, idiot!!"

one or both of them shouted something they definitely shouldn't, and a panicked face reappeared far too close to the phone.

"HOW DO YOU FIX A LAMP?"

"is there broken glass?"

"Um."

glancing behind them.

"WAIT."

a table lamp, raised victoriously.

"The lamp isn't what broke!"

"woo."

"Wait. What DID you break, if not the lamp??"

"Uhhh..."

"I don't know. Do you see any car pieces?"

"FRISK!!!"

"DID YOU BREAK MY CAR?!"

"YOU THREW IT AT ME FIRST!"

"I DIDN'T THROW IT WITH THE 𝘍𝘖𝘙𝘊𝘌 𝘖𝘍 𝘈 𝘛𝘏𝘖𝘜𝘚𝘈𝘕𝘋 𝘚𝘜𝘕𝘚 AT YOU!!"

"you're gonna wake your mom at this rate."

"......."

"......."

"I didn't throw it THAT hard."

"Well OBVIOUSLY you did?!"

"Toy cars don't just shatter!"

"Have you considered that yours 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥."

"It did NOT suck!"

"Well it-"

frisk's mocking look dropped in an instant after seeing flowey's expression.

investigating the car remnants further, regret struck across their face.

"...That was.."

"One Papyrus gave me."

"....."

"You wanna tell him that his gift sucked, Frisk?"

".........."

"We can put it back together."

"Some super glue and paint, and we can make it good as new!"

"We don't have super glue."

"I'm sure Mom has some we can borrow."

"Good luck finding the pieces of the car. It's shattered everywhere."

"Not 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦."

"Just..."

"In the carpet, mostly."

"...."

"...."

"I'm sorry, Flowey."

"......"

"You need to stop throwing things so hard."

"In all fairness, you DID throw it at me first."

"I didn't think about 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 I was throwing. It was just the closest thing I found to hurl at your head."

"stop throwing things."

"that sounds like the takeaway here."

"He's still here?!"

"Wh-"

"Why would he not be??"

"I didn't hang up or anything."

flowey appeared in front of the screen.

"You've just been listening to our shouting match this whole time?"

"and wondering how tori's not come in to scold you two yet."

"Are YOU gonna scold us instead?"

"...."

"yeah, i am."

"frisk. c'mere."

after some repositioning of the phone, it was finally sat so that they could both be in frame.

"first off: flowey."

"gotta stop resorting to violence on instinct, kid."

"there's not been one time where you being violent hasn't ended up being a bad time overall."

i can't explain the expression that flickered across his face.

"try n' tone it down a little, yeah?"

"Fine. Whatever."

"cool."

"now, frisk."

they sat straighter and tensed up.

"you're notorious for your peaceful conflict resolution skills."

"why'd you go and do all that?"

"......"

"i'll let you off the hook 'cuz it's late, but you two have got to work on the fighting thing."

"goodni-"

grabbing the phone and getting all up in the camera once more.

"NOOoo."

"Yeah, I agree. I'm not telling him goodnight either."

"Not that."

"I'm not tiiiii-"

leaning back.

"-iiiiiiiiiii-"

leaning back too far.

"-iiired-!"

frisk fell backwards onto the floor with a thump.

limbs flew in front of the camera, and i soon saw the floor.

"the way things are going, your phone's gonna shatter too."

"Golly, Frisk!"

"Are you trying to break 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 in the room?"

"Breaking myself does not count."

"goodnights returned or not, i'm hangin' up now."

the phone was flipped over to give a frown.

"hey. it's still past your bedtime, you weenies."

"oughta get some sleep too."

"NOoOo-"

"would you rather it be toriel telling you right now? i can message her if that's what-"

"NO. No."

"I'll go to bed."

"alright. sleep well, fartface."

"You too, bonehead."

"goodnight, flowey."

"Bye, trashbag."

"if tori doesn't end up having any, i've probably got some spare super glue lyin' around somewhere that you can borrow."

"...Thanks."

#undertale #journal #sans #frisk #flowey #frisk and sans #sans and frisk #toriel #papyrus

[gayuu-the-necromancer]

William Rex Chapter 16

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Several police officers appeared at Mr. Brian's signal and drew their handguns.

Policeman: "Miss Kate...right? You seem to be very close with Sir Rex."

Policeman: "Tell us what you know about him. We will protect you.. We are not going to do anything bad, just come with us."

Kate: "Mm..."

The shiny gun was pointed at me as if trying to figure out if I am William's ally or a victim.

I got down on my knees next to the fallen Mr. Brian.

(If I resist, it might be a problem for the Crown?)

(No...if we don't get caught, the police can't find out who we are. The Crown should never be revealed)

(If I leave now...I'm not sure if I'll get another chance to convince Mr. Brian again...!)

Jude: "Ahh, you seem to have got us all confused. We don't know anything about Rex or whatever."

Ellis: "We're here....for our collection."

Policeman: "These guys are useless. But I heard this woman talking about Sir Rex."

Policeman: "We are not convinced by your reasoning...."

Policeman: "I judge you guys also to be associated with Sir Rex. If you don't want to be killed here, come with us."

Jude: "Haa.....this is why I hate the police."

Mr. Jude gave Ellis his signal and Ellis instantly moved.

Policeman: "Stand back!"

Ellis: "It's not safe to fire in such a small space."

Policeman: "Argh!?"

Policeman: "Nn..What the hell!? My hand...!"

Ellis easily leaps overhead and touches the heads of the police officers.

One after the other, the wrists were detained and the officers dropped their guns and panicked.

Mr. Jude responds to the officer who barely avoids Ellis's hand.

While I was watching the situation with a bated breath---I heard a sharp voice.

Policeman: "Mr. Brian! Get that woman!"

(Eh!?)

Brian: "...!"

When I turned around, Mr. Brian had raised his upper body and was reaching towards me with his still bound hands.

(No---)

Kate: "Ouch!"

I tried to wriggle out of the way, but Mr. Brian caught me by the hair.

Brian: "...Got you!"

Kate: "Nn....Let go!"

Brian: "No, I won't let you go. Come with us. You have to wake up and go back to your normal life... you're being deceived!"

Kate: "I'm not being deceived...!"

The more I try to get away, the more tightly he pulls me by the hair.

Brian: "You'll regret it one day! There's no way you can be happy with someone like that....!"

------Options-------

There is no such thing.

That's for me to decide.

I don't think so.

--------

Kate: "That's for me to decide...!"

Brian: "I'm trying to help you!"

(I won't be able to get him to listen to me calmly anymore)

(Let's get away from here and now and wait for another chance to convince him)

(Even if I get caught, I'm sure Mr. Jude and Ellis can make an escape....)

(I'm sure I will be detained at the police station, and then I could persuade Mr. Brian)

(But if that happens, we may not even be able to get the slightest information about where William is and what he is doing)

(I'm not going to let that happen)

The frustration of being drawn closer and closer to an opponent you can't match and the frustration of being driven to the edge of your heart.

(This hand, I have to shake it off. I don't know what to do or how to----)

That's when something came to my mind.

Kate: "....!"

A hard, cold touches my fingertips that had been shoved into my pocket.

A moment later, I gripped it tightly---I couldn't afford to be lost.

Brian: "Nn!? What the?"

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Brian: "Nn!? What the?"

As soon as I took out the knife, I cut off the chunk of my hair, he was grabbing.

Brian: "...!!"

I quickly backed away before Mr. Brian could reach out to me again.

Kate: "Haa....Ha...!"

Brian: "....Why...Why did you do that? ....Why would you go this far?"

Kate: "....I know you're worried about me."

Kate: "...But I'm sorry."

He was stunned for a second...but then mumbled.

Brian: ".... Grimsley."

Kate: "Eh...?"

Brian: "The head of the Privy Council's Secretarial Section, Grimsley."

(Privy Council's head....Grimsley...that's it...!)

Kate: "Was he the one who led you to that mansion?"

Brian: "....Yes."

The next moment, the tip of a leather shoe sunk into Mr. Brian's belly.

Brian: "Arghh!?"

Jude: "And he dared to call the police on us....looks like he has no hopes of waking up tomorrow, huh?"

Kate: "Please stop! He just told me the name of the person who gave him information!"

Jude: "Huh? He did?"

When he looked down with disdain at the sobbing Mr. Brian, Mr. Jude sniggered.

Jude: "Looks like your life is saved for now, I guess."

Looking around, the brawl in the post office had somehow been under control.

The officers were all lying on the floor with their hands restrained as if they were praying together.

Kate: ".....Did you kill them?"

Jude: "You idiot."

Jude: "You're just another Count Rex fanatic, who tried to intimidate a newspaper reporter."

Jude: "Then we just happened to come to collect a debt and they got the wrong idea...what's the need of killing them?"

(....I see. If they pursue you, you have that excuse)

(On the other hand, killing them would be like a confession to something you're guilty of)

Jude: "I just put them to sleep. They won't be waking up for another 3 hours."

('Putting people to sleep'.....is that Mr. Jude's ability?)

(I think I understand what Victor meant when he said it was easy to clean up afterwards)

Ellis: "Jude, I've checked everything. No one's hiding and no one has escaped."

Jude: "Good. Then we're done here."

Ellis: "Mm....'now, we're done."

Brian: "Ah!? M-My hands...I can move my hands now...."

The police officer's restrains were also lifted, perhaps signalling that we're actually done here.

I was amazed by Mr. Jude and Ellis's teamwork, but I couldn't just sit back and take it easy.

Kate: "Let's get out of here. We also need to hide Mr. Brian."

Jude: "Huh!?"

Brian: "....!"

Kate: "If they find out that you have leaked info about them, you risk retaliation as a traitor."

Ellia: "Oh I see. But if that happens,he wouldn't be able to correct his article."

Jude: "Then how about making him write it here and now and get done with this?"

Kate: "Whether or not you write an article is another matter than protecting Mr. Brian."

Kate: "I want the article to be corrected...but I don't mean to put Mr. Brian in danger."

Kate: "Just as I came here to see and feel with my own eyes and to help William."

Kate: "Mr. Brian is free to believe and act on what he sees and feels."

Kate: "So I don't hold it against you. Mr. Brian....and I can't leave you alone knowing that you will be in danger."

Kate: "If that happened....William would be sad."

Brian: "..........."

Jude: "Haa, there you go being nice to the person who almost grabbed you."

Brian: "....Miss Kate, thank you. ...But I can't just hide like this."

Kate: "What do you mean....?"

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Brian: "To decide whether or not to write a correction article...."

Brian: "I have to be sure...I have to make sure that where I'm standing is justice!"

Mr. Brian's eyes were looking straight at me with a different, calm light.

Brian: "I will definitely contact you again. So for now, please let me go."

Ellis: "....What do you wanna do, Miss Kate?"

(I feel like Mr. Brian really got my story)

(And now he's trying to make sure if it's true or not)

(He will be convinced about the Marquis's death and will correct the article on that basis....)

(It's all up to you, Mr. Brian. It's a gamble to let him go at this point)

(But...if we take away his freedom here, we are crushing even the slightest hope we have)

I take one deep breath.

Kate: "....Understood. I'll be waiting."

Brian: "....Thank you."

I prayed for his back as he melted away into the thick fog and disappeared.

Jude: "Tsk....What if he contacted you later and said 'I can't do it'?"

Kate: "Then I will try to persuade him again and again."

(It's okay. I believe that I voiced my thoughts and delivered them and that it wasn't in vain....let's just hope and wait)

(First, we need to tell everyone in the Crown who's behind this)

.............

After returning to the castle.

(....Something's not right)

It was early in the morning before the sky was even white, but the lights were on and the air was buzzing with a sense of restlessness.

Ellis: "Did something happen?"

I feel a similar stirring as I did a few days ago when William left the castle, and I involuntarily run quickly to the dining room where I hear people's voice.

.........

Kate: "We're back."

Liam: "Miss Kate! Thank god you're safe...!"

(Everyone in the Crown is here again. Did something happen to William....!?)

Victor: "Welcome back, you guys. How did it go?"

(Yes, let's calm down first and give the report)

Jude: "The name of the mastermind was easily spelt out. Grimsley of the Privy Council."

Victor: "....Grimsley, huh..I see."

Kate: "Also about the article correction...we were able to convince Mr. Brian."

Kate: "Now we just have to wait and trust that Mr. Brian will find out the truth."

Ellis: "Also, the police ambushed us and we got into a bit of a scuffle."

Elbert: "About the police....well..."

Master Elbert, who was sitting in his chair, muttered anxiously.

Alphonse: "Good for you, Kate. If you'd been caught, you'd have been tortured in the Tower of London too."

Kate: "Tower of London...?"

When I asked back, unable to follow the sudden topic, Harrison tossed the paper onto the dinner table.

Harrison: "Citizens who were connected to Count Rex are arrested and being held in the Tower of London."

Harrison: "They are being severely tortured and forced to confess to Will's whereabouts and his complicity in the crime."

Kate: "What....!?"

Harrison: "This is the list of the prisoners."

Kate: "How did you get this list?"

Harrison: "....Is that important? Look here. Do any of these names look familiar?"

(Fawcett...James...these are...)

Kate: "....I've seen them interacting with William."

Some of them are from the tea party, special wards in this hospital, and on the street corners.

It was the names of people who he had once set free.

Elbert: "....Never before has the Privy Council taken such drastic measures."

Elbert: "With this uproar, they want to crush Will."

Elbert: "In a way....they're trying to piss Will off, by trampling on their freedoms, which Will hates the most."

Ellis: "It's cruel to torture innocent people for it."

Roger: "Cruel, sure, but certain. Because I don't think Will is going to sit this one out."

(Capturing innocent civilians to provoke and lure them out...for sure that makes sense)

(But something...something feels uncomfortable)

Kate: ".....How do the tower guards and prison guards plan to counteract and capture William's abilities?"

Liam: "Eh?"

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Kate: "Tower guards and prison guards who trample on the freedom of innocent citizens are 'evil' to William."

Kate: "William would not hesitate to use force or take a life if it was against 'evil'!"

Kate: "I don't see it being easy to catch him."

Liam: "....Indeed."

Kate: "Plus, what will happen after they capture William....?"

Kate: "If they want William to be judged by 'justice', you need to judge him under the law, but...."

-----FLASBACK----

Wiliam: "At the time, I learned of the existence of the 'butterfly' the organisation was already beyond judicial scrutiny."

William: "In this country, the House of Nobles is the highest court. If the legislators collude, it is easy to cover it up."

----FLASHBACK ENDS-----

Kate: "There are legislators in the courtroom who have been caught up in the wrongdoing of the 'evil that cannot be judged by law' that William has been trying to bring before the court."

Kate: "I don't think William will be silently judged by them."

Alphonse: "Fufu...it's certainly going to be a bloodbath the moment he is invited into the courtroom."

Alphonse: "The defeat of clean 'justice' and the breakdown of order. A development the Privy Council loathes."

Kate: "I don't see how the Privy Council could not have foreseen that."

Kate: "No prison officer or judge with a charge against William could kill him.

Kate: "That said, the people on the Privy Council themselves are not willing to get their hands dirty."

Kate: "So how do they intend to bring William to justice....?"

A bad feeling stirs in my head and forms one.

William: "...What do you think?"

(Maybe...no, I don't think so....but...)

Kate: "....Is it possible that they are trying....to get innocent people they have captured to kill him....?"

Liam: "Eh....?"

Alphonse: "Oh, I see. With a script like that, it makes sense for a cat to go a little overboard with an innocent prisoner."

Alphonse: "The prisoners are used as bait to frighten Mr. William. At the same time, they instill hostility towards Mr. William in the prisoner!"

Alphonse: " 'It's all William's fault. We were deceived by him. We lost our family, job, honor, and happiness.' "

Alphonse: " 'If you want to hate him, hate him. Well, here he comes. Look. The guards are getting killed one by one. He's a bloodthirsty murderous maniac.' "

Alphonse: "If you don't want to judged, prove you're not on his side. Come on. I've got the knife right here."

Alphonse: "---Well, it's not a bad plot. I'll be interested to see Mr. William's reaction if that's the case."

Roger: "....Whether it's what Al just told us or not, it's not impossible."

(If I could guess, William must have assumed it too)

(Still, the William I know is the one who chooses to go to...Tower of London)

(William will never allow the freedom of his loved ones to be trampled on)

At the hands of the innocent, executed in the Tower of London as a major sinner....Would that be the destruction he wants?

Jude: "You've been yammering on and on about the Crown going to the Tower of London."

Jude: "If you go in there in this situation, that's exactly what the Privy Council wants you to do, it's suicide."

Victor: "...Right. Jude is right. I cannot move the Crown in Her Majesty's name."

Victor: "Everyone should be as quiet as possible so that they don't realise what's going on....okay?"

(....Certainly not the same as a secret meeting with a newspaper reporter)

(If you go to the Tower of London, you'll be jumping into the enemy's hands)

I try to swallow what Mr. Jude and Victor said, but I can't shake off this bad feeling.

(---Anyway, I'll think about what I can do for now)

Elbert: "..................."

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As dusk approached, the sound of the rain beating against the windows, joined with the merciless ticking of the clock.

After returning to my room early in the morning. I spent half of a day thinking it through.

I stare at the closed door of my room with quiet determination.

"I will rescue the innocent prisoners before William does. I will have to negotiate with Victor for that."

It was the best solution I could come up with and the best I could do at the moment.

(There may be less than a 1% chance of William being harmed as I speculated)

(Conversely, William may want that 1% chance to be dead)

(However....)

(I, for one, cannot allow that to happen)

The breathlessness that has haunted me when I thought of my fate had now vanished without a trace.

At that moment when I cut off my hair with the knife William gave me, it was like I cut off my hesitation along with it.

Far from a sense of helplessness and guilt----only my selfish joy is in my heart.

(If William is going to be hurt. I want to do everything I can to protect---even if it's a 1% chance)

(Because if I don't...I won't be able to be my own master)

I don't want to go back to being the one cowering in front of a closed door, killing my heart.

(William...)

----FLASHBACK----

William: "Because I like to see people act as their own masters."

Kate: "Act as their own masters....?"

William: "It's about facing your desires, being prepared to accept the consequences, and following through."

William: "There's a lot of fear involved in wanting to do what you want and having to pick and choose among so many options."

William: "Whether happiness awaits you or misfortune awaits you...."

William: "You can't blame anyone for the consequences of the choices you make and want to make."

William: "......That's why the moment you're about to step out is so beautiful."

----FLASHBACK ENDS----

(If you saw me now, would you laugh and say I'm beautiful?)

(I am no longer trapped by what my heart doesn't want me to 'have to accept' my destiny of destruction)

(I want to protect...William, no matter what contract I sign and what I have to offer in return)

I want to be true to my desire to do so.

(William, my freedom is not compromised by my love for you)

(Because I'm probably the freest I've ever been in my life)

I put my hand on the doorknob.

What I am about to cross is the last line that William was not willing to let me step over.

With cruel kindness, I let go of the contraindicated lie.

----"Come, come"

I thought I heard an inviting voice from behind the door.

"You knew from the start"

"From the moment you heard that piano that night, everything that has ever happened...has been for you."

"You weren't wrong."

"That very night"

"You could have even left the mail and walked away"

"And yet, you couldn't stop."

"His piano melodies were just too irresistible."

"Because you fell in love with that horrible, beautiful tone."

(That's why I've come this far. My heart chose it)

(Crossing this line means)

The voice from the other side of the door has been echoing in my head for some time now.

(I don't care what anyone calls a way of life that I don't call misery)

I am my master because I am the only one who can decide what's best for me.

Chapter 17

#ikemen series #ikemen villain william #otome #cybird ikemen #cybird otome #ikemen villain #cybird #ikemen villains #ikemen mc #ikemen villains william

[1ivinqdeadqir1]

Your writing is just *chefs kiss* it's so immersive and good!!! Anyway, can you do headcanons of Nacho x reader (Jo & Amber are out of the picture) who's a college/PhD student that works VERY late into the night because they have trouble stopping themselves from working?

"Just 10 more minutes" then it becomes 1 hour lol

And it's kinda unhealthy esp since they have to wake up for morning classes

Idk your rules or if you do headcanons, so if you don't, feel free to write a scenario instead!

Ignacio ‘Nacho’ Varga x Reader 

Ignacio 'Nacho' Varga x PhD!student reader HCs Request:

A/N: this was so fun to write, I'm going to write a few fics for nacho whilst I have the muse for him, so please send some soft, angsty, or even smutty requests in via the inbox and I'll check them out!!

BEFORE THE STORM:

First off, Nacho finds it cool how you’re a PhD student. When you first met, he asked you a few questions about it

You thought it was pretty strange, you were only at Manuel Varga's store to have the interior of your car fixed up… 

Though Ignacio was nice enough, and you had to admit very handsome 

He admires your dedication, he thinks it’s amazing how you manage to put so much work into something (this is, of course, before you’re dating and before he finds out how excessive work is)

You probably start as friends to begin, though I can imagine he’d ask you out as soon as the time was right. 

"Uh, when you’re free do you wanna go for a drink maybe?" 

You were silent. 

At first, he thought he’d screwed it, because of how quiet you were.

But he couldn’t have been more wrong. 

"I’m sorry- I know it’s- I shouldn’t have asked-"

"Yes"

"Hm?"

"I’d love to go for a drink with you, Ignacio…"

A few months later, when you’re properly dating and an established couple, things begin to change. 

you spend more time at his home, staying overnight to keep him company (and for sus reasons… obviously) 

You usually watch movies, though recently you’ve been more and more invested in your work and it’s taking away from the time you have together 

That was a concern for him at first, but you always reassured him and made sure to make it up one way or another 

It was all fine until it started affecting your health. 

Recently, you've been sleeping a maximum of 3 hours.

You’d go to bed at 3 am and wake up at 6 to prepare yourself for your classes 

He’d grown more uneasy, noticing how you began to dissociate yourself and fall asleep wherever you could. 

He’d one time caught you in the bath half asleep, so he quickly helped you out and lay you in bed- only to then find you awake at your computer with a cup of coffee 45 minutes later

Now, we are at the present day... 

 He comes home, tired after another long and exhausting day. He feels like he’s going to pass out, but he doesn’t 

He walks into the small office you’d both set up, it wasn’t anything fancy, just something quaint that’d make it easier to revise 

Nacho sometimes regretted giving you the office, maybe then you’d sleep more

He finds you at the desk, hunched over a book and taking notes

You were so absorbed in your work that you hadn’t even heard him enter

“Baby, it’s 4 am” 

You’d turn and look at him, unsure of what to say- it probably takes you a minute to fully comprehend what he’d just said 

“Yeah, I know… I’ll be in bed soon, just another hour, okay?” 

He’d hum, frown and walk over to hug you from behind your chair, pressing a few sweet kisses to your collarbone and the top of your head. 

“I’m serious, you haven't slept properly in days, mija… “ 

You’d always deny it, but he was right. It was ironic how you’d be training for a doctorate and have your boyfriend school you on when to sleep

“I know… but I promise I won’t be long- look I’ll even set alarm”

He’d say goodnight, run his hands through your hair and then go straight to bed 

At about 6 am he hears an alarm 

he’s a bit freaked out at first, 

Though calms down when he finally recognises where it’s coming from 

He’d walk into the small office and find you lying atop the expensive wooden desk with your arms folded. 

He’d turn off the alarm and pick you up 

He’d then tuck you into your bed, lingering for a moment, his fingers brushing your hair from your face. He loved the feeling of your warmth

He loved to watch as your chest rose and fell at intakes of breath. 

Anything human served as a reminder that this was real and he wasn’t living out some elaborate fantasy 

After turning off all the electronics in the converted office area, he’d head back to bed and crawl beside you

You who are now fast asleep 

IDC what you say nacho is the best cuddler going. 

A FEW HOURS LATER… 

you wake up at about 12 pm 

At first, you're worried that you’ll miss a class- but then you remember your lecture was cancelled for today, and you breathe for a minute

Nacho is asleep beside you, an arm draped loosely over your body. You smile and shuffle closer to him, 

You trace the pad of your finger slowly from the bridge of his nose to the tip a few times

He’d always found that soothing

After about five minutes he slowly wakes up, opening his eyes to meet yours 

You smile and press a kiss to his lips 

“Buenas Dias, sleepy” he’d say, as you yawn into your hand and nuzzle into the crook of his neck

“Good morning to you, too”

You’d get up to move, but he’d hold you down and pull you closer by your waist

“Stay for a while longer baby… you’ve been working too hard you’re going to make yourself sick”

You’d just sigh and press your lips to his cheek

“I told you I’m fine Ignacio, honestly… you don’t have to worry”

“You’ve been sleeping less, eating less because of it- you’re the smartest person I know, y/n”

You’d just stare at him with your bright eyes, and he’d sigh similarly to how you had earlier 

“What I’m trying to say is I love you, but you need to know that you’re overworking yourself, you don’t need to overwork yourself the way that you do”

You’d just hum, eyes already becoming heavy just from talking, he probably is right 

“Alright… I’ll take it easy.. for you” 

“not just for me, for you, okay?”

You nod, and he presses a kiss to the top of your head. You place your hands on his chest and kiss him quickly

He tries not to smile like a lovesick idiot but he does 

“Now go back to sleep, we can order takeout later if you want- watch that movie you’ve been wanting to see”

“Alright… Goodnight nacho”

“Sleep tight, kiddo”

A/N: I'd die for him.

#nacho varga x reader #ignacio 'nacho' varga x reader #ignacio varga #bcs x reader #ignacio 'nacho' varga headcanons #nacho varga x reader headcanons #nacho x reader

[shiroi---kumo]

⋯✧・♪♫♪・✧⋯ Somehow, he got through his lesson with his Highness but it was more difficult to do so than he cared to admit. The night before sleep would not come even when he tried to coax it along. Mother's teas were not working and reading hadn't either. Soft music did nothing and focusing his breathing only did so much. He felt like - he felt like he was coming down with something...again.

This was the last thing he wanted and he can hear his mother's voice in the back of his head urging him to do something about it. 'You shouldn't just work through things, Triini. You'll work yourself to the fade.' she'd said and he couldn't say she wasn't right.

He'd work himself to the fade and he couldn't very well do that when he had a child to look after.

He's rounding the corner of the hall to Liekki's office so he can ask about this persistent pain in his chest and this lingering headache that refuses to go away when he sees it.

Sees them.

Scratch that, two children.

There he sets, alone with the physician of green - sleeve rolled up and a needle about to be put in his arm. He's fourteen. They've told him this a thousand times. He has. His fellow binds have...and the prince of White's own binds have said the same too.

Where the devil is Revon?

How does this even happen?

"Make one more move Liekki and I'll make you regret it."

His voice drops as cold as ice as he stands in the doorway shaking both from anger and fatigue. His own chest pain would have to wait. This was much more pressing.

"Ah, Sinfonia. You look absolutely dreadful. I can help you in a moment when I'm done with His Highness."

"Liekki, I am warning you. One more move and you'll regret it. I am not above getting physical with you."

"Broken nose, black eye and a major concussion. Am I remembering correctly? Because you faired so well the last time things got physical."

A roll of violet eyes as the musician growling, orange mist filtered from his breath as the sound echoes behind his mask.

"Pilvi come to me, right now."

It's an order but the boy doesn't move. Moreover can't move with the other man's hand on his wrist. So option B it was then. He doesn't care if Liekki was bigger than him or not, the man of silent orange is still shoving himself in the room and between the doctor and the boy. He wrenches the prince's wrist free and begins to pull.

He doesn't know where Revon is. Safiirin is out, she's busy with Usva at sword practice and it's mid day so the boy was likely on break. So he's dragging him down the hall until he begins to slow. He releases the prince's wrist only to raise his free hand up to support himself against the wall. Soon he's leaning into it.

His chest really hurts this time. Dammit all it really hurts. He can only hold himself up with the walls support before he's sliding down it entirely.

"Opettaja Sinfonia?" The cloud chimes in worry. "Are you okay? You look really pale."

"I'm fine, Pilvi. Go to Sielu and don't leave until Revon can find you."

"But you look awful. Are you sure you're alright?"

"I said, I'll be fine. I just need a minute and I'll be okay. Go to Sielu and -"

His eyes go wide for a moment as the world spins. His stomach sloshing as his hand raises to cover his heart.

This isn't good. He feels awful.

"You look like Opettaja Valo on a bad day."

"Go to Sie - "

The elder crashes into the ground without warning. Body slumping over to splay out on the ground in unconsciousness.

"Opettaja?" The boy chimes, hands moving to his shoulder to shake him. "Opettaja Sinfonia?" He's shaking him harder this time as more terror creeps into his voice.

"Opettaja?!" No reply. "Opettaja wake up!"

He's shaking him harder than he was before as he screams.

"HELP! Somebody! ANYBODY!!! REVON!!! SIELU!!! HELP!!! HELP, I NEED YOU!!!"

||| @aquaticsoul your puffball is in need of some assistance ...

#v; well kept secret #aquaticsoul #the conductor of my symphony || aquaticsoul #guest muse: opettaja sinfonia #guest muse: opettaja liekki #tw; illness #tw; fatigue #tw; fainting #tw; black out #tw; passing out #tw; long post #tw; all caps #tw; yelling

[lovebillyhargrove]

Wake me up when July is around

Chapter 8

Chapter 9/?

***

The loud beeping of an alarm clock wakes Billy up at 8.30 am on Saturday, and he wishes he was dead.

Last night they partied hard.

Hangover is a logical but, clearly, an unwelcome payback. It feels like a thousand of tiny evil blacksmiths are forging iron on their anvils right inside his head. Fucking christ. Billy opens his eyelids with much difficulty and immediately closes them again. He has to get up, damn it, he has to be at work at 12.

He has to rise from the ashes.

That Halloween Friday sure was freaky.

Billy is instantly filled with regret.

Why didn't he reset his alarm clock yesterday for later.

Before the party, he didn't think about it. He was only shaking his ass in front of the mirror admiring how good he looked in that leather jacket, bitches be thirsty.

After the party it was too late to think about the fucking alarm clock.

Okay, slowly .. slowly, he needs to sit up.

Just don't throw up. On the fucking carpet.

Billy is sitting upright on the bed. That's an achievement. It feels like he's still alive. He can move.

His throat is dry like the Sahara desert, he's in desperate need of water. He has to get to the kitchen.

Billy registers that he's still wearing the dark blue jeans and the gloves from his party costume. The black leather jacket is lying on the floor, near the boots.

Billy slowly takes off the gloves, finds a t-shirt lying nearby and puts it on.

Did he come home at 3? He doesn't really remember. Something like that. He only knows that he was trying to be as quiet as possible, not to wake anyone up, because that skill is ingrained in his brain and body, deep.

Billy forces himself to get on his feet, and sits back down right away, dizzy and miserable.

Okay. Let's try again, buddy.

He so overdid it yesterday.

After dragging himself off the bed, Billy makes it to the door

But the moment he opens it, he understands that it was a mistake. He can hear voices coming from the kitchen, it's Neil and Susan having breakfast. The evil leprechaun must be still sleeping.

Fuck his life, he's gonna die if he doesn't drink water but his dad's wrath is also scary. At least Neil's not gonna kill him right now, in front of his wife, as an extra good morning.

Billy summons all his strength to look as normal as possible and shuffles to the bathroom. He drinks straight from the tap, washes his face and looks at the toilet bowl as if making sure that throwing up is not on today's agenda.

It's still to be seen, but not right this moment, at least.

If he's gonna go back to his room, dad's gonna get on his ass about "being disrespectful" and "not saying good morning". Looks like Billy has no choice but to show his face to them in all its hungover glory.

He checks the face in the mirror. It's fine. Looks human.

Just don't puke on the breakfast table, and everything will be A-okay.

Billy goes to the kitchen, all humble and trying to look like a shadow.

"Good morning, dad. Good morning, Susan."

"Will you look at yourself?"

Neil's voice is full of disgust.

"What time did you get home yesterday?"

"I uh .. a little after midnight, probably. I apologize if I woke you up."

"You didn't wake us up, Billy." Susan is cutting in. "Would you like some breakfast?"

He actually needs to eat something but

He can't even drink coffee right now.

Water. Water. It'll get better in an hour, he just needs a lot of water, and to lie down.

"No, thank you, Susan. I'll get myself something later."

Billy pours a full glass of water. Time to retreat while it's still peaceful.

"I'll be in my room if you need anything."

"Mark my words, son, as soon as you finish school, I'm not paying for another single day of your life! Senior year, the most important time, and he's wasting it on .. what, on debauchery??" Neil is addressing Susan now, all indignant and angry, oh he is angry but Billy hopes it won't get bigger than that.

At nine o'clock Neil and Susan are supposed to go grocery shopping, like they always do on Saturdays. Neil likes it when they stick to a plan. He's already getting up and looking for his car keys. Susan takes the last sip of her tea and starts flopping her good housewife wings around the kitchen.

"Let's go, Susan. Billy will clean up after breakfast, right?"

"Of course, I will."

"Thank you, Billy. Good bye! Wake Maxine up at 10 if she doesn't get up, please!" Susan is taking her purse and the list of groceries.

"Sure. Have a nice time shopping!"

Billy hears his dad telling Susan on their way out

"Seems a bit late to sleep for a girl her age?"

"I know, honey, but she gets so tired during the week, let her have her Saturday .."

The door closes, and they're gone.

It went very well, actually, all things considered.

Probably Neil just didn't want to deal with a hungover teenager cause the said teenager might throw up all over the place, so it's better not to touch him.

Such an unfortunate episode did happen once, when Billy was still in his very green years. He came home drunk, and Neil got in his face. He grabbed the boy by his collar and was telling him what a piece of crap and a fucking burden he was, which only led to Billy feeling even worse. Neil had to run to the shower to wash the vomit off, leaving his son to clean up the mess he'd made.

He got slapped around for that later, but it taught Neil a lesson as well.

Billy goes back to his room clutching the glass of water like a lifeline.

He sits down on the bed again and after finishing the whole glass, lies down. He doesn't want to close his eyes though, cause the dizziness is gonna be back so he's just lying there staring at the ceiling.

Vile gray light is seeping through the window. Outside the rain is drizzling.

Fuck Indiana and its nasty weather right in its Midwestern ass.

Fucking hell.

Billy usually knows when to stop, but yesterday he clearly didn't.

What even happened yesterday? .. He did the keg stand, and there was more beer and vodka .. and he definitely mixed it all, hence the hangover. Smoking non-stop, dancing, Tommy following him around like a faithful bulldog, Vicky hanging on his arm and touching his abs while they were dancing. There was another girl, persistently asking for his attention, Jennifer or .. was it ..

Oh shit.

Oh no no no no

Fucking stupid piece of shit.

Fffffuuuuuucckkkkk.

Billy shuts his eyes but it is a bad idea, because he's getting the dizzies and everything's spinning, so he presses his palms to his closed eyes, wishing to erase the memory of what happened between him and .. fuck. The dumb bitch, Harrington.

He and Harrington fucking .. smooched ??

No no no no nooooo

Billy is groaning hoarsely, and the sound of it reflects the depth of his desperation at his own stupidity

Why is he such an idiot. Why did he do it. He should've instead broken Harrington 's pretty nose ..

fuck JUST nose! Without the pretty, forget that he said .. or thought that.

What was it even, Billy didn't want to start any shit in the first place, as god is his witness.

His clouded consciousness doesn't provide him with much, but some flashes do come to his mind.

Bathroom. Harrington.

He fucking started it!

His face. His lips. His hand on the back of Billy's head, almost hurting, the fingers sharp and digging into his skin

The silky softness.

The wetness of their tongues touching

Fuck fuck FUCK.

Mission: erasing the memories.

Billy is an idiot. A certified one.

***

He crawls out of his bedroom half an hour later for more water, and to go to the bathroom. The hangover is gradually stepping away, but the more it does, the more unsettled Billy is.

His dad is right.

He's an imbecile.

At around ten he bangs on Max's door,

"Wakie, wakie, Maxine!" he bellows and then bangs some more until he hears

"Stop it, you jerk!"

"Rise and shine, birdbrain!"

Then goes to the kitchen to finally find some food.

He's slowly getting back to his senses. At 12 he needs to be at work, and he will be. Old Joe won't even notice that Billy partied last night.

Partied so hard, that he ended up kissing that annoying motherfucker.

Erase, erase, erase.

No panic. It was only once, and it was a mistake but Billy could always say nothing happened.

He was so wasted, he wasn't himself. Hell, he didn't even remember it when he woke up.

Harrington is not gonna run his mouth about it, what is he, a kamikaze?

It's nothing, it's just a drunken slip up.

Happens to the best of us, amirite?

***

***

Steve stays at home all Saturday. They only go grocery shopping with mom, he drives her to the store and back in the afternoon. Or course, Dad chooses this very day to ask him fucking questions. Steve mumbles something about his captainship ot the basketball team and finally finishing his college application essay. He's also retaking his SATs at the beginning of November cause the results of the tests he took last year were not very high. Not high enough.

They were pretty low. After he gets the new results back, he'll still have time to apply to some places. Mom asks him if he has thought of a backup plan, and Steve honestly says

"No, mom. I haven't."

"You probably should."

"Yes, I will, after I'm done with applications. Can I go study now?"

Parents do not seem very happy with the outcome of their conversation, but Steve can't offer more. To him, his future plan looks okay for now.

Honestly, Steve doesn't even know what specific sphere he'd like to study. He's still at home and at school, and the future seems vague and a little bit scary. Nancy is definitely aiming at a university, and Steve's not sure what will happen to their relationship.

Especially after yesterday.

He spends the whole evening revising for his SATs. A lot of confusing stuff. He probably should've started sooner, and not a week before.

Well.

Steve studies more on Sunday, but then Tommy calls and they decide to go to a pizza place.

They order pepperoni and cola, and Steve can finally take a breath with his whole chest

"Ugh man, I've been studying for two days straight, my brain's on fire."

"Dad wants you to get into Yale or something?"

"Well no .. but .. they want me to have a clear plan, and I don't have it, and it's just .. they fucking nag."

Tommy nods in understanding

"Yeah man."

"Must retake SATs soon, and it just .."

"It sucks."

They chew some more pizza

"You remember, Hargrove took your keg king title? The dude got 52 seconds, fucking crazy."

At the mention of Hargrove's name Steve's cheeks start feeling hotter

"Yeah, whatever. I got bigger problems to worry about now."

"The princess?"

"We had a huge fight at the party. She was so drunk. I dunno, Tommy."

"You haven't talked to her since the party?"

"No. Why?"

Hagan is looking at Harrington in a weird way

"Hey, man .. I've actually been meaning to tell you. I think you should know."

"Know what?"

"Your Wheeler girl .. remember you asked me and Carol where she was and we told you she'd left home?"

"Yeah?"

"Well she didn't go home alone."

"That's good? She was drunk."

"Do you know who she left with?"

"How am I supposed to know that? I didn't see her leaving. You and Carol told me she was fine, and I .. I kinda left it at that?"

"So you still don't know?"

"Tommy, what the fuck?"

Hagan's still looking at Steve like he pities him but he also wants to gloat so bad because he told his friend a lot of times to "dump that prissy bitch", and they even fought over it, more than once, and voilà, in the end Tommy is actually right

"I thought that maybe she left with this .. Samantha or something? .. Tommy??"

"You girlfriend left with the Byers freak."

WHAT

"She what?"

"Just thought you should know."

"She left with Byers?"

"Yup."

"Jonathan Byers?"

"Yes, Steve."

Fucking what?

"Are you sure?"

"Dude, I was drunk but not blind. Carol saw that too. Nancy went downstairs in her wet dress, and it was like .. well, he was just standing there near the stairs. They talked for a minute and then went away together."

Well, that's uh .. Steve didn't expect that.

Is that what people feel when their heart breaks? Is that the burning acid of being betrayed?

Tommy eats what's left of the pizza.

Steve doesn't pick Nancy up on Monday to drive her to school as he usually does.

***

***

On Monday before practice coach Nelson informs the team that

"We're having visitors this week, boys! Let's show them all you've got!"

Two sports recruiters are coming to see if they have any hidden talents here in Hawkins.

Billy thinks someone should warn them not to waste their time. There's nothing to look for here. Nada. Fucking zero.

He knows that the odds of being chosen are extremely slim. And even if a recruiter spots you, it guarantees nothing.

Billy has seen his share of sports scouts back in San Diego. He's aware that they are not interested in him.

There are so many good things recruiters told Billy. He's a great player, he scores points, he makes flashy moves, his techniques of shooting, dribbling, rebounding and defense are excellent as well as such attributes as strength, endurance, speed and agility, blah blah blah. His physical characteristics - weight and wingspan - meet the requirements. Add to it Billy's intelligence on the court and the unbeaten desire to win.

He basically has it all.

There's just one problem - Hargrove's too short to be a professional basketball player. He's too fucking short, and that's why a career in basketball is not even an option.

He's 5'10. It's fine. Just not for the NBA.

At some point in his life Billy used to be bitter about his height. That was when the first recruiter came looking and he was like

"Kid, if only you were taller."

The second one said the same. And the third. Little by little, Billy accepted it as it is, and that's why

He doesn't care about the visitors. Unlike him, the whole team is buzzing. Are they stupid? Recruiters will never choose any of them. The only player who has a tiny microscopic chance of getting noticed is probably Andy. He's tall, he's got the physique. His game's not great but it can be worked with.

Harrington, on the other hand? Billy's has seen his serious and focused face, eyebrows knitted together, when the coach mentioned the recruiters.

Please, it's ridiculous.

Billy's not even gonna elaborate. It's simply ludicrous.

Harrington can drool all over his pillow having dreams of a sports scholarship or a prominent career in the NBA, and the sucker can keep on dreaming because that's as close as he's gonna get to playing this sport professionally.

Anyhoo.

It's skins and shirts as always, and Billy's playing rough as usual. He's seen Harrington in the school hallway earlier and they shared a class. Billy just straight up ignored the loser. Steve also didn't seem to look his way much, maybe he doesn't even remember about the kiss.

He also looks as if he's brooding about something, like something weighs heavy on his preppy-ass soul.

Either way, it's not Billy's business and he doesn't give a shit.

And yeah,

Mission: erasing the memories of the most idiotic kiss

Status: incomplete.

In his defense, Billy was so wasted, he could've kissed anyone.

***

***

During the match Hargrove behaves like nothing happened, there's just something about his game that's extra precise and extra ruthless. Like he wants to show with all his obnoxious persona that he's above all that and doesn't give a fuck. It's likely he doesn't recall what happened on Friday night because he was drunk as a fish.

Or it's a bluff.

He remembers.

Steve knows he does. Why is he so sure? Cause Hargrove hasn't touched him once since the beginning of the game, hasn't said anything mean to him. He's trying to send a message that he doesn't care, but he's trying too hard, and it shows.

Billy knows what they've done, and he's .. what, ashamed?

Heheehe.

Nice.

Harrington would've gotten much more pleasure out of it if his heart wasn't hurting.

Are they broken up with Nancy, did she cheat on him? What the hell is this whole fucking situation?

Steve's lost in his thoughts when suddenly he hears Nancy's loud irritated voice

"Steve?"

There she is, standing at the gym doors, clearly expecting Harrington to come have a conversation with her outside.

He doesn't want to bail on his team in the middle of the game but he's been avoiding Nancy all morning, and soon he won't be able to tolerate the level of acidity that has swallowed his whole being.

They do need to talk.

Steve needs it.

They go outside to the little passage between the gym and the school building where they usually hide smoking with the guys.

Maybe it's the first time since they got together, when Steve's absolutely not happy to see his girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend? Guess we'll find out now.

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you think?"

Nancy sounds pissed. She talks to him in that tone like .. like a strict mother to a naughty child, when she's angry at him.

"You didn't call all weekend.. and where were you this morning? I missed first period!"

"I figured Jonathan would take you."

"Wha .. what are you talking about?" Maybe she's a good actress but there's genuine surprise in her voice. She looks confused.

Harrington scoffs

"Jesus, you really can't handle your alcohol."

"Uh ..?"

"You remember going to Tina's party on Friday night?"

"Yes?"

"And then what?"

"I remember dancing .. and spilling some punch."

Nancy's thinking for a second.

"You got mad at me because I was drunk. And then you took me home."

Does she really remember nothing or that's all acting?

"No, see, this is where your mind gets a little bit fuzzy."

Steve's making a pause.

"That was your other boyfriend. That was .. that was Jonathan."

There's a perplexed expression on Nancy's face

"I don't understand."

"It's pretty simple, Nance."

"What?"

"You were just telling it like it is."

Maybe she really doesn't remember. That doesn't make it okay though.

"Uh .. apparently, we killed Barb and I don't care cause I'm bullshit and our whole .. our whole relationship is bullshit and .. I mean, pretty much everything is just bullshit bullshit bullshit."

Nancy raises her well-defined eyebrows and wrinkles her forehead

That doesn't make the stuff she told Steve okay!!

"Oh yeah also you don't love me."

"I was drunk, Steve. I don't remember any of that."

Really? So you can get hammered and tell your boyfriend you don't love him, and then everything should just get back to normal cause you don't recall doing that?

"So that makes everything you said .. it's what? Just bullshit too?"

"Yes?"

"Then tell me. Tell me that you love me and there's nothing going on between you and Jonathan."

"Really, Steve?"

"Harrington !!"

Roy is out of his breath, appearing between the buildings.

"Dude we need you, man! That douchebag is killing us! Let's go !!"

"I'm coming!"

"There is nothing going on between me and Jonathan, Steve."

It's nice to hear, really. Steve needs a longer explanation though.

"We're not done talking, Nance."

Their team loses anyways, with or without the captain. There's something about Billy's game today, it's .. like he's holding that distance, with a hint of "nothing personal, guys".. Is he getting ready to show off in front of the sports scouts? The new behaviour infuriates the hell out of Steve, even though the asshole hasn't pushed him one single time.

You're wrong about nothing personal, Hargrove. Locking mouths seems pretty personal to me.

However, Billy's not number one problem on the list of Steve's troubles right now. Let him believe Harrington has suffered a case of amnesia, and there was no kiss.

***

Steve picks Nancy up after school. On the way to her house she tells him

"Nothing happened that night, I swear."

"Are you sure, Nance? You didn't even understand who took you home! You thought it was me!"

"Steve, I would know if someone tried sleeping with me in my own bed, okay?"

She also admits that they sometimes talk with Jonathan between classes or during library study. They talk mostly about Barb, because his little brother Will was also missing last summer. They found him in the woods. Three weeks later, yet they found him. Maybe Barb also disappeared in the woods. Too much time has passed and there's no hope of finding her alive, but bringing some certainty would help her parents obtain peace.

Nancy assures Steve there's nothing romantic going on between her and Jonathan.

Steve's at a loss. Like .. he feels that he can't give Nancy the consolation she's looking for. He has no idea what happened to Barb and he thinks they should let the police deal with the whole thing. He can listen to Nancy, but what else can he offer? He's not .. experienced at things like that.

Steve should probably make a scene anyway and get really pissed and show her how hurt his feelings are, but he's also kinda glad everything 's cleared up, and she didn't cheat on him, and they are still together.

They are still together, right?

Nevertheless, he definitely must keep an eye on Jonathan Byers. The guy took creepy pictures of them in the middle of the night, Nancy seems to have forgotten about that. Steve should have a talk with Byers, tell him to stay away from his girl.

They kiss each other good bye.

It feels .. mechanic.

***

Late at night when Steve's again tossing and turning in bed, he suddenly realises that Nancy told him a lot of words but forgot to mention the most important thing - she didn't tell him she loved him.

Should he ask her again?

Tell me you love me

He's always thought if you're in love and in a relationship, you shouldn't be asking the person you're together with for confirmation.

Steve again feels that he wants to give so much, but no-one needs it, and no-one is willing to give back the same amount.

Of love.

Or even close to it.

Maybe relationships aren't that easy, and he's idealising them.

However, if there's no love, what's there to fight for?

#harringrove #harringrove fic #billy x steve #harringrove slow burn #mean s1 steve vs mean billy

[hibernationsuit]

🧣 or 🎃 for Toby and Klara? 💖👀💖

🧣 - help each other bundle up for the cold weather

ough not fully what the prompt is asking for, but i finallh got an idea so we'll go with that <3

Sometimes no matter how much Klara may plan things, she might forget something important and regret it later. One of these situations is creating a large plan and to do list to prepare to move to a new apartment, but then she forgot to make sure she didn't forget anything. Well, she forgot food (except for coffee). Now they're both wondering how to get groceries while the weather is as unbearable as it can sometimes be.

Another intro: pov: you just moved into new apartment yesterday, wake up in the morning and realize there's no food and there's a terrible storm outside

---

"Of course it's cold and there's a mix of rain and snow outside right when all of the winter clothes are still in the boxes," Klara muttered as she was pacing around the room, "And we ned to get the groceries because there's no food." She sat down on one of the boxes and sighed. "Did the storm just have to start when we're moving?"

"Look at the bright side, at least we don't have to carry boxes in this weather," Tobias's voice said from the kitchen, "...or, well, Leon and Klaus don't have to. Kinda feel bad we had to ask them to do the heavy lifting, I really should've-", his voice was drowned out by the running water for a moment, though it was clear what he was talking about. Last week's trip to the shore with their friends started out well, but poor guy just had to slip on a rock and hit his leg. And now he's blaming himself again... "-Anyway, we still need to think of a gift for them..."

"Yeah. But that's a later problem..." She sighed. How could she, of all the possible things that could've happened, forget to label the boxes. "Do you remember where I put the warm coats?" There were only a dozen of them and she had opened six already, but no luck.

"No, sorry."

"Don't apologize, this wasn't your responsibility."

"Yeah, but maybe I should've helped a little with packing clothes. I might have overestimated the amount of books we have. It's only three hundred, not five." He walked into the room with a cup of coffee, whipped cream and cinnamon on it. "You sound like you need this. Though, be careful with the cinnamon. Missed the cup a bit and now my sweater is full of it."

"Thanks, but-"

"Shh, let me look through the boxes. You enjoy your morning coffee in peace." Tobias kissed her softly on the forehead and knelt down to open one of the boxes. "Well, here's a part of what we need. Scarves, hats and gloves. Though I think scarf is enough for now. You can always use it as a makeshift hat."

How did he get it right on his first try. "Good work, honey." Is he lucky by always managing to do the right thing, or am I lucky for finding someone like him. "Do you see a light brown scarf somewhere? I think it would be a good one."

He took out some of the clothes out of the box and carefully put them next to him. "It was on the bottom of the box." He handed it to Klara.

"Thank you."

"Hey, don't thank me yet. I still need to find your coat." He stood up, carefully straightening his right leg. "Now. the coats. What kind of box was it?"

"Don't you worry about that, I'll find it later." No way I'm going to let him crawl around with a hurt knee. "I'll just put on my leather jacket and run to the grocery store. It's on the other side of the street."

"It's too cold for a leather jacket-"

"I can borrow your sweater. Surely two sweaters would be enough."

"...no. Besides, we'll have to unpack everything anyway." He looked around the room. "It was one of the big boxes, wasn't it?"

"Yeah." She tried to remember how the box looked like, which proved to be harder than she expected. Maybe packing at night wasn't a good idea after all. "I think it has a white stripe instead of blue..."

"Like the one you're sitting on?"

"Wha-" Of course something like this would happen. "This is ridiculous. Let me see," She got off the box and handed the cup to Tobias. "Can you hold this for a molent. Very tasty, by the way."

"Didn't take that barista class just to sit there," he smirked.

Klara opened the box. The winter coat was right there. "Would you look at that..." She took it out and sighed. "I had such a good plan, I don't even know how everything could go so wrong..."

"Hey, nothing's gone wrong. You barely slept because you're not used to this new apartment yet, and assume your brain would do smart choices after that? Like you always say, give yourself a break and enjoy the good things. You found it in the end, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did." She smiled. "With your help, though."

"We're a good team, aren't we?" He fixed her scarf. "Now go get something good for breakfast, you deserve it."

#got struck with this idea today. good for them good for them. #asks #my writing #oc: klara #oc: tobias #want to publish this right away but might draw something related at some point #toby's 'hit my knee on a rock' was brought to u by: my knee hurts #don't know why but it does.

[lovelynim]

Profile Tag Game!

Hello - Oh, hello! You can call me Fabi. I was tagged by @otomiyaa and saw no other option but to participate in this little game. Now... I wonder, what brought you here, hm?

Chat: Tickling - Why do I like it so much, you ask? I'm not sure... I can't really tell when it caught my attention, but I guess I just dove deeper and deeper and here I am now. If I'm ticklish? Sorry to disappoint you, but no. Trust me, I tried to find out.

Chat: Writing - I'm not sure why, but when I'm not really inspired or don't have a prompt in mind, I feel that my writing gets better if I'm angry or sad. I wonder... would this mean something?

When It Rains - It's been reaaaaally hot here lately, so it's good to finally see some rain ~ of course, that if I can get home before the rain leaves me soaking wet.

When It Snows - Snow, you say? That might come out as a shock, but I never saw snow before... what is it like?

When the Sun Is Out - Agh, sunlight... Who gave the stupid idea of going outside when it's this hot?

Good morning - If you are waking up early, make sure to not make much noise. I'm having a day off and I don't want to be up by the sunrise...

Good night - There it goes another day... I always feel like I could've done more at times like this, but it's no use feeling this way, right? Good night!

About me: Games - I hope this doesn't sound too cringe-y or something, but I'm quite a gamer myself. I'm somewhat proud for being able to manage to play four games even after becoming an adult, eheh ~

Something to Share: Fandoms - I think the thing that disappoints me the most about my blog is that I'm head over heels for so many niché fandoms and I barely have people to hear me ranting about them... Sigh, I wish I could make more people play the same games as I do ~

My Hobbies: ??? - Ahm... Is writing or gaming considered a hobby? Eh, no? Hmm... then I guess I don't have any to share...

My Troubles - Dealing with people is more troublesome than I first expected when I started working at my current job... I need to find a way to look less angry and more friendly - even when they make stupid questions...

Favorite Food: Oh, that's an easy one: pasta! ~

Least Favorte Food: I'm quite the picky eater myself, so there are quite some to list here, but I simply refuse to eat pork, no matter how you prepared it or whatever.

About @wertzunge - Max was probably the first person I got to know when I started my blog. I reached out to him without much in mind, but seeing how our friendship developed over the past years... I don't regret a single bit what I did and would do it all over again!

About @shy-lee-chu - I've to admit that kid got some nerve, heh. She is fun to hang around with and I'm glad I could get to know her more - she has a lot of interesting stuff to share, but... Well, that doesn't mean I won't put her back into her place if she doesn't respect her elders, ehe ~

For this game I'll be tagging @fluffy-ami @chibimochii @ticklystuff @keru0 and, as always, whoever feels like joining us ~

#tag game #genshin impact #profile tag game

[i3utterflyeffect]

The Pearl Problem

ITERATION 2: THE REBEL

All That Beckons tries again with some new friends, and finds that not everyone is willing to go along with what he wants. And that isn't just these animals, either. He also discovers that creatures without glass bones are much, MUCH more dangerous. - chosen time. :] [AO3 Link]

"Log four! I've gotten some help from other iterators who go by Aberrant Creation and Programmed Interference. Me and Programmed Interference go a while back, but we haven't talked in a while. Glad that they're helping me with this. We've gotten a chance to catch up a little, but it's a bit awkward since it's been... Uh... I can't remember the exact number of cycles, but it's been a long time since we've talked."

"I'm making some progress now. I've gotten a plan together for a creature that will hopefully NOT self-destruct, and one that's going to be able to efficiently create the bone I need for a pearl. They should be pretty sturdy, too, which means they can survive the extraction and regrow the bone! Man, this is cool."

"Hopefully this'll actually work. I'm trying it right now; Hopefully in about 50 cycles or so it'll be ready. Feels like a long time, but I can wait. This has to work, right?"

---

"Log five. The creature is complete."

"I think I followed everything right. I, um... I tried to play it safe since I don't want to give myself rot by screwing this up worse than before. I'm feeling pretty good about the result, though. It's been wandering around for a few minutes-- doesn't look like it's limping or anything, and I'm pretty sure that's a good sign. Let me just... poke it with an inspector and make sure it doesn't die as soon as I touch it."

"Just gonna..."

"Oh. That's-- what is it doing? What is that?"

"Is something on fi-- THAT'S THE CREATURE THE CREATURE IS ON FIRE WHY IS I-"

---

"Log five, continued!"

"I am very fortunate that genetic engineering uses a lot of water... because that thing tried to set me on fire."

"I genuinely don't know where it got the ability to do that-- I mean, I put in some lizard genes just to make the bones more sturdy. That shouldn't have given it the ability to set fires! Much less be immune to it! And-- honestly, I'm kind of regretting not keeping the first one in general! That thing was a thousand times less likely to kill me than whatever this is!"

"As for what happened... I contained it. For now. But I need to figure out how to neutralize that thing. I think I have an idea, but I need to contact the others first."

"Hopefully I can get it done before it wakes back up."

---

"Log six."

"I've got it under control, I think. It's not exploding now, at least. I made something that I can trigger on command to release a biological coolant in their blood, because! It looks like lowering its body temperature prevents it from sparking any fires."

"...however... Aberrant Creation has stopped talking with us, because apparently keeping a creature from killing me is 'immoral'. It's not like I'm killing it, though."

"Actually, I don't think I could even if I was brave enough to. It killed, like, two of my inspectors. I didn't even know a creature could do that."

"It's kind of sluggish right now, but I'm hesitant to extract the bone pearl while my equipment is still damaged. And also while I'm down two inspectors. And while there's... structural damage... and..."

"I need to go repair things. I need to fix... all of this. Saints below. I'll update on the situation when I'm in better shape."

---

"Log seven."

"It's been a few cycles since I created... The creature. The slugcat. Should I have a name for that thing? I'll... I'll think about it."

"But it's going well. Seems like the coolant method's working to keep it controlled. I'm still wary to let it around any important components, but at least I don't feel like it's going to immediately try to blow a hole in my can."

"I also managed to extract the pearl, and even if it's not the best material, it's better than nothing. It's kind of porous but it'll work for art, I think. It's also shockingly colorful for bone; it's colored the same way any pearl would be. That was an accident, but they're nice to look at. I kind of wonder if their skeletons are colorful, too."

"Anyway... I've been trying to encourage it to cooperate with me, but I don't see anything behind those eyes. Completely vacant except for apparently the thought of killing me."

"...I'm sure it'll come around eventually."

"Log eight. Discordant Joy said I should name them, and we came up with a great name... The Chosen One!"

"Heheh... Pretty sure the Ancients would NOT be happy with that name, but screw them; I like it. They've been pretty cooperative lately, by the way. I've gotten them to do a bit of pest control after a couple of white lizards crawled inside. They got chomped once or twice, but I think they enjoyed killing those things. Maybe I just need to get The Chosen One things to kill that aren't me?"

---

"Log nine..."

"...Programmed Interference has gone silent. They won't respond to any messages."

"I'm starting to get a bit worried. They've been having issues for a while, but suddenly they just seemed to disappear."

"...These slugcats are meant to be messengers, right?"

"...I wonder..."

There's a long pause in the audio. All That Beckons is clearly deep in thought.

"...This might be a bad idea. I shouldn't be doing this."

"I think... I'm going to see about making one for its intended purpose. And this time, I'm not going to screw it up."

#OH BTW aberrant creation and programmed interference are actually characters from ava #see if you can guess who :] #all that beckons IS actually kind of afraid of chosen at this point #but not afraid enough. clearly. #rubbing my little gremlin hands together because. I Know Something You Don't >:) #tommy's stickmen tag #pitch's fics #stick world au

[watchingblsnowandforever]

No. No. NO. This can not be happening. The one thing I was most afraid of. The dreaded cliffhanger (quite literal in this case). I'm going through the 5 stages of BL grief help. And I've already reached de Nile T~T

When i first realized that Bad Buddy and ATOTS would air back-to-back, I had an inkling that something like this might happen. Because it's P'Aof. But now my brain is this close to 'killstabrip rinse and repeat' mode.

I was thinking of not watching today's episode because of the exam tomorrow, and for once, i regret not listening to the logical part of my brain.

Anyways what's done is done.

Let's move on.

I loved today's episode, and *maybe* Our Skyy has made me like ATOTS more than i originally did so bonus.

I have a lot of favourite scenes from today.

The waterfall scene where they play in the water. It's a throwback to the beach scenes from BBS. I like the similarities; in the beach, they'd escaped from their friends and family and really enjoyed themselves with each other for the first time, when their love was just starting to bloom. Here, they are already very much in love and in a secure relationship, but it's also away from their friends, a small haven just for themselves. They still enjoy each other's company and playing with each other. The ost song plays in the background, but the lines that are highlighted are "I hope you are not bored; Looking at this same old face." which just emphasizes the point that their love is still going strong.

The sleeping together scene – after the mosquito net kiss (still smiling from that) – loved the short tickling moment because it reminded me so much of the BTS of when Pat hugs Pran from behind as he plays the Thai xylophone and in real life, Nanon is trying so hard to not laugh. Loved even more the "You're an Architecture student, right? Haven't you wondered how much shaking this house can withstand?". We all know what that meant, right? (If you don't, it's nothing sweetie, just boring old people stuff. Be a child as long as you can.) Pran's reaction cracked me up but also made me want to wrap them both up in a blanket and hug them. Yeah, I'm weird like that. Also, Pran's "No, i don't want to know. I'm not curious." – of course you don't want to know, Pran, of course.

I love that they managed to fit in a song by Nanon. It was a pretty good song, too. I also really liked how fast Pran's expressions changed when Pat arrived. Saying this for probably the millionth time, but Nanon is an amazing (Off Jumpol's voice) actor.

The Pat and Hona (Chief) waking up shirtless together scene. It. Was. Hilarious. I am never ever forgetting it. Them being like: my boyfriend is going to kill me. And yeah, they probably would if they came to know. I liked the reference to PatPran ep 11 when Pran asked how many points he got out of 10. And Pat realizing it's not his faen just by the hand made me a little soft. Also liked the reference to the rangers' t-shirt that Hona had first offered to Tian. Though the first thing that came to mind after seeing it was "Tian and Pran are going to be so jealous when they (mis)understand what the t-shirt means". Ya'll have ruined my innocence so you need to suffer too.

The watch made a comeback! So happy. I really wanna know how Pran will react when Pat gives back the watch. I have a hunch to what Pat will say when he does.

As for the preview, I'm happy (and a teeny tiny bit skeptical) about Hona & Pat's and Tian & Pran's growing friendship.

[Unmute :D Do NOT repost; I'll do more than find you]

I have neither time nor energy to make more than this one clip today, but if i find the energy and motivation on Saturday (i will have literally no time tomorrow), be sure I'll make a lot of clips (at least 4 or 5). If you have any requests in the meantime, feel free to send them through my asks!

#flying in our skyy #our skyy 2 #our skyy x bad buddy #bad buddy baby #bad buddy #bad buddy series #bad buddy the series #patpran #pranpat #phuphatian #just me and bl

[clavissionary-position]

◆ I k e m e n P r i n c e ◆ RIP Ice-Cream Man

Zombie ! GILBERT ⨉ EMMA . 900+ WORDS suggestive content . fluff . dark comedy zombie gore . modern au

18+ MINORS DNI

"Gilbert, come back here!" Emma shouts, syringe in-hand, as she chases her patient through the clinic's parking garage. "Oh, I regret letting you out. You told me you wanted some air! Gilbert! Damn it!" As if that isn't bad enough, she's made the supremely excellent decision of wearing pumps today.

True to superstition, her next step is a miss, and her undignified squeak echoes down a line of sedans.

Gilbert's tell-tale laugh echoes back, though his voice is muffled with distance. "Sounds like someone's tripped."

"Gilbert!"

"So you did trip? Ahaha! My cute, clumsy little doctor. Whatever will I do with you?"

Emma brushes gravel off her pantyhose before changing course for the third-floor deck. Thankfully she hasn't twisted anything. Yet. Murphy's Law is her Sword of Damocles, and Gilbert seems keen to wield it. So much so that tucking the syringe away in her pocket for now is more prayer than common sense.

At least Gilbert isn't flaking off bits of skin in his wake now. Maybe his treatment is going better than she initially thought.

"He's going to need extra treatment after I find his zombie ass," she grumbles under her breath as she flies up the stairwell.

The third-floor deck is usually where staff parks. Emma finds Gilbert sitting on the hood of Dr. Ricci's Ferrari, eating an ice-cream bar. "Where did you get that?"

Gilbert uses both legs to kick the skateboard at his feet toward Emma. "I bit the ice-cream man."

Emma side-steps. "No you didn't." It's not that she's gotten used to his dark sense of humor, but it's become easier to tell his jokes from his confessions.

Gilbert tilts his head and his bangs fall over his empty left eye socket. "Are you sure about that?"

"The ice-cream man doesn't come until 6pm."

"Have you seen him since the day before yesterday?"

Emma pauses. "No... But I don't normally keep track of his visits."

"And you didn't notice something strange about your personal fridge recently?"

Emma throws absolute daggers at him. "You said you'd follow my rules, Mr. I-Can't-Lie."

Gilbert smiles sweetly, a slightly feral sight considering how far up his cheek one side of his mouth has decayed to. "I haven't broken any rules." He shakes the ice-cream in his hand. "This would melt if I didn't store it somewhere, right?"

"And the part about biting the ice-cream man?"

Gilbert shrugs. "I guess you'll have to see if he comes in today."

"Please get down from the car. You're getting gore all over it."

"I am?" Gilbert makes a grand show of assessing his palms. "I guess I'll be taking my nap here then."

"No!" Emma is close enough now that she can reach for him, but she hesitates. A fair chunk of Gilbert came away the last time she'd had to forcefully grab him.

Gilbert's red eye narrows with amusement. "Go ahead. I like it when you take parts of me home with you."

"Oh my God, Gilbert, stop saying things like that!"

He pouts, that killer, dire, menacingly adorable pout. "And here I thought I was your favorite patient. Don't tell me you like Chevalier more? He's such a grouch."

"I never said that."

"You don't have to. Everyone knows that Chevalier―"

"I never said you were my favorite patient."

"Is that so?"

"I'm su―"

Gilbert suddenly grabs Emma's hand for a vicious tug. Before she can finish her yelp, her back hits Silvio's car and Gilbert's face fills her field-of-vision.

His hand hovers in the space above her heart. "Should I give you a little examination myself then?"

Emma gives him a mock-smile. "Do it then."

Gilbert holds her gaze, saying nothing but meeting her smile, tooth for tooth. The tips of his bangs tickle Emma's cheeks, but where there should be the sound and feel of human breathing against her face, there is nothing.

Gilbert could take a chunk out of her neck right now if he wanted. But Emma is extremely confident about one thing when it comes to him.

Seconds that feel like eternity pass. At long last, Gilbert moves his hand to take the syringe from her coat pocket. He uncaps it with his mouth and plunges it into his arm as he gets off Emma. His ice-cream sits melting in a sliver of sunlit concrete.

Emma purses her lips and adjusts her shirt. "Do you like that flavor?"

Gilbert tucks the used syringe back in Emma's breast-pocket. "It's okay. I prefer something sweeter though."

"Please don't say things like that while looking at me like that."

Gilbert smiles as he slides off the hood of the car. He turns around and offers Emma his hand. "Consider it revenge."

It's only after she's taken his hand that Emma realizes how quickly she did so, and with how little hesitation. Because it hadn't been that long ago when she'd been prone to do the exact opposite.

Gilbert helps her down and then sorts out her collar with gentle brushes of his partially-decomposed hand.

His gloves sit on Emma's desk back in her office. Suddenly she isn't so sure why they're there in the first place. She must have had a reason, and yet...

Emma tries to stop Gilbert, but when she looks over her shirt, she doesn't find any gore or residue on her whatsoever. When she looks back at Gilbert, he returns his fake pout.

"Ahh, what a shame," he laments. "I really wanted to go home with you today."

Emma dodges his gaze. Her mouth fights against the strange emotions pricking her heart. "Hurry up and get well soon then."

#gilbert von obsidian #ikemen prince #ikemen prince fanfic

[judasrpc]

I LOVE YOU, I'M TRYING (2023 ALBUM) STARTERS

add context & change gendered language to your needs !! contains explicit / graphic content pertaining to suicide, violence, drugs, and similar potentially upsetting themes !! if multi, please specify which muse(s) !!

" A promise was spoken. Now you're gone and I'm broken. "

" And I hope that you grow old with me, and we turn up 'til we're seventy. "

" And I made a best friend out of the skeleton in the closet. "

" Baby, I know that I've been actin' strange lately. "

" But back in her day, oh, she had a bad tempter. "

" But I'm a phony, I'm a psycho. My ego follows me wherever I go. "

" But it's too late for me, I should've learned earlier. "

" Do I exist if I don't exist on the internet? "

" Don't know how I'm gonna take much more. "

" Don't like who I'm becomin'. "

" Dropped the disguise, because who am I kiddin'? "

" Every day the headline seems worse, we're goin' down. "

" Everybody knows somebody with something to hide. "

" Everybody's fake and they won't quit talkin'. "

" Everything's fine, I like this. "

" God, don't let me grow up quick. "

" Good luck ran out, I can't help it. "

" Gotta find a way to get the fuck out my head. "

" Gotta find a way to get the fuck outta bed. "

" Growin' up ain't like how I pictured it. "

" Guess I gotta die to get my celebration. "

" Guess I'm on my own now. "

" Hang up quick because I hate goodbye. "

" He's more young, he's more handsome. "

" How can I relax? The end is imminent. "

" How many last chances will I get? "

" How many times can I let you down with regret? "

" How much can I ask for 'til you walk out that door? "

" How the hell is everyone on autopilot? "

" Hurt me one more time. "

" I became a version of myself I don't like. "

" I can't face that I've come undone. "

" I can't promise I won't think it again. "

" I contemplated suicide in that Days Inn. "

" I could barely pay the rent singin' to an empty room. "

" I could explode. "

" I don't have a problem. "

" I don't know why I'm running away. "

" I feel fuckin' awesome. "

" I get mad, I throw tantrums. "

" I gotta be the man, you see. "

" I just wanna be a rockstar with a million people followin'. "

" I keep letting you down. "

" I know I need help, but instead I'm … "

" I need a savior, but if not me, who? "

" I need to switch up the life I'm livin'. "

" I said it gets better. We both know I'm lying. "

" I swear, I never wanna let them down. "

" I swore to the downfall of the darkness inside me. "

" I think about death, I don't fear that shit. "

" I wanna feel alive. "

" I wanna unload all of these shotgun shells. "

" I was flirting with surrender evermore. "

" I was getting high in the bathroom. "

" I was the man last week. "

" I was thinkin' about that day last summer. "

" I wish I got to save you. "

" I wish I knew it was goodbye. "

" I wouldn't be here without you. "

" I'd rather be the one that faded. "

" I'll close my eyes, 'cause I know that this won't end. "

" I'm in dismay! I'm not alright. Hate to say it, but … "

" I'm isolated and overstimulated at the same time. "

" I'm not sure that anything matters at all. "

" I'ma give him hell, kill him and kill myself. "

" I've come too far to give in, now, and I don't wanna hit the ground. "

" I've got sunshine when you're near. All my problems disappear. "

" If I had one call, would you pick up? "

" If I never get to say this: I'm proud of you. "

" If I spoke too loud that my voice might crack. "

" If you wake up and I'm gone, I just hope you sing along to the eulogy. "

" If not now, when? "

" If you ever need anything, and I don't pick up, well, you still got a friend in me. "

" Imagination is all I got now. "

" It was a midsummer's day, rainin' steadily when they came to reclaim the disgraced celebrity. "

" It's about time for a quarter-life crisis. "

" It's more fun to be unaware. "

" It's sad to reflect on the lack of respect that I have for the things I have. "

" Keep it in the family for today. "

" Know I should face it, but I'm runnin'. "

" Life is cruel and unforgiving. "

" Look at how we've all grown up fast. "

" Made this bed, I guess that we lie in it. "

" Maybe someday this will all make sense. "

" My life's fallin' apart, but I love it. "

" Need you to like me, so I keep bottling bad thoughts. Swallowing pills; wallowing thrills. "

" Never been better, life's priceless. "

" Never got to thank you. "

" No, I don't wanna beat the habit. "

" Now I'm barely holdin' on. "

" Oh, hey, maybe just ignore it, it'll go away. "

" Oh, I wish there was someone else I could be. I would do it, but I am stuck here with me. "

" Only one thing that takes care of me: Self-sabotage [is] the only way to find clarity. "

" Or so he thought. "

" Ready to give up, deep down [I] started to doubt that. "

" Rest in peace to my positivity, all it's given me is false hope. "

" Shit, I don't even know if I'm still myself. "

" Shout into the void, and the void shouts back. "

" Some even thought that he was still alive. "

" Strugglin' to make sense of these thoughts trapped in my mind. "

" Tell me one good lie so I can sleep at night. "

" Tell me why I can't understand. "

" Tell me, what's the point of living in a world so unforgiving? "

" That attention, he got high for it. To live forever, he had to die for it. "

" The closer I get, the closer I feel like I could scream and start a riot. "

" They make it so easy. "

" This is a trap, I know that shit. "

" Tried medication. Tried therapy. They only seemed to help temporarily. "

" Trust the feelin' and I still get burned. "

" Want it so bad, it takes all control of me. "

" We are not alone. Can you keep a secret? "

" We ignored his cries and pleas until we posted his RIP's. It's ironic. "

" Well, I'm sick of bein' underrated. "

" What's a dead end to a dead man walkin'? "

" What's the point of living without you? "

" Why am I here without you? "

" And now that I'm here without you, the words have no meanin'. "

" I made you cry. "

" I will be here when you're ready to wake up. "

#rp memes #rp meme #rp prompts #rp prompt #roleplay prompts #writing prompts #ask box meme #askbox meme #rph #rpc #judasrpc

[purplesurveys]

1796

List 5 things that have happened in the last 7 days. (They can be anything at all, anything that’s happened involving you, or your family, friends, partner) 1. I saw Seventeen in concert and had a very great time! 2. I cried the hardest over work this week alone than the three years I've been in my workplace. 3. I told Trina I was pretty much 80% out the door. 4. I dropped off my dad at the airport last Friday. 5. I tried out a food truck that recently popped up near my office. 6. I damaged my shoelaces doing the Aju Nice bit at the Seventeen concert. 7. Our CEO has sent me over her, like, third token in the span of a month which I am now sensing is her way of saying "I know you're thinking of resigning, but please don't" and it's starting to piss me off because please don't think you can convince me otherwise with gifts.

If you found out your ex had a new partner, would you be upset? No.

How many friends do you have, whose name begins with G? I'm not sure there's one.

Do you like anyone atm? What if you found out that someone else liked them too? I don't like anyone.

Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom? Sure.

Have you ever had sex on your bedroom floor? How about your living room floor? Yeah.

Where is one place you’ve thought about having sex, that might be considered unusual? I don't really fantasize about having sex in certain places.

Have you ever received a compliment about any of the clothes you’re wearing? Yes, people have said they like this purple knitted cardigan I have :)

When you kiss someone, do you like to play with their hair? Sure. It depends on the mood, but generally yeah.

Why did you hug the last person you hugged? Because I never expected to bump into Ruthie at the NLEX stopover hahaha. There were a million other places she could've been at before the concert but she just so happened to be at the exact same Starbucks I was at. We couldn't help but laugh.

Do you ever find it difficult to put your thoughts/feelings into words? I've never had a problem if I just had to write them out. Writing has always been my safe space. Saying feelings out loud is a different ball game, though – I'll sometimes end up tongue-tied.

Have you ever loved a song to begin with, but then you listened to it so many times that you ended up getting sick of it? Sure.

Time for some questions about you and your significant other/crush. What is something you like, that he/she doesn’t like? I don't have one. Sorry to those who are lifting this survey off of me but I'm gonna be striking out the rest of the SO questions lol.

What is something he/she likes, that you don’t like?

Something you both like?

Something you both dislike?

Do you regret sleeping with anyone? No.

Did anyone comfort you the last time you cried? What was your reason for crying? No, I was driving alone. I always cry alone, too. If anything I'll message someone while crying, but I prefer to keep that distance. I don't want to be seen crying.

Reason was work, and because I was thinking about my dad's comforting messages to me about having to leave and how no job is worth crying over.

What if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? What’s the weirdest dream you can ever recall having? I get weird dreams all the time, but I also always forget them.

Is there anyone that likes you, other than the person you love/like/are with?

Did you wake up in someone’s arms this morning? No.

What was the last thing you spilled on yourself? Water.

How long have you had the shirt you’re wearing? Less than a year.

Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed? Nopes.

Have you ever lied to the person you love/like?

Who is the 9th contact in your phone? Have you ever hugged/kissed that person? Bea. I don't think I've even hugged her. She's not the type and I've always respected that hahaha.

Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? Sure? I mean it doesn't have to mean anything heavy; my mom tells me this all the time only because she can't figure out how to do something on her phone LOL

If the last person you kissed told you they loved you, would you believe them? No.

How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about? I felt miserable and thought about how long I can still take this.

Do you still tell your parents that you love them? My dad, yes.

Have you ever said “I love you” to someone you weren’t going out with? Yes, because you can say this to friends too. Random fact about the person you love/like?

Have your parents ever disapproved of anyone you had a relationship with? No.

Anything else you would like to say, to finish? No.

[waterforlorn]

— day one. october 7th. 11:36 am.

i'm starting a new journal for this, cause .. well, i don't know how long nico's planning to get away from camp yet. he's being stupid about it. figured i didn't wanna run out in case he found out about my birthday and intends to keep me out for like half the month. sounds like something he'd do.

didn't expect to wake to packed suitcases ...ever. then again i also never expected to live with someone i care about, so there went that. i'm not sure if i'm gonna continue this for all of our travels, but i'll try. i know it's good for me to write. i know. but we might be too tired or too busy, so i'm not going to punish myself for skipping a day.

i think.

anyway, we've been on the road for two hours now and nico still refuses to tell me where we're going. he has been ... quiet for most of the day since i woke. geez, i thought he was going back home to his stupid cabin because of something i said. or did. yeah, that. i'm not the chatty part of this relationship. still can't believe that's something i write about. or be in. let's be real, i didn't want any of this. but now that i got it? fuck, no idea what i' doing when he leaves. don't think i can go back to how things were... not really.

good thing we decided that we'd go our paths together, cause ain't no way in hell i'm gonna keep all this shit up if he was to die. ugh, this is not what i'm supposed to write about.

alright here goes.. my day, my emotions, my thoughts.

i'm looking forward to whatever this excursion's about.

i'm excited getting to spend my days solemnly with him for a while, nobody pushing between us, nobody keeping us apart, nobody demanding attention when he should be paying attention to me. i know what that sounds like. IT'S NICO'S FAULT.

i can't wait to see where we're going. i've seen all kinds of places, but never for pleasure, so getting to explore ..wherever. yeah, that's gonna be nice. i kinda hate how good he's at all this when i'm barely hanging on. nico's fucking relationship-coded. like some disney prince, it pisses me off some days.

shit, yeah. thoughts. emotions. my day.

i think this will be good for us. the past few months were quite intense for both of us and i know that nico's feeling guilty because of blaze. i ... do too. nobody in camp took it upon themselves to help them either and ... well, safe to say we won't see them again. will we? part of me regrets not going, but .. i don't regret having found someone i'm willing to put FIRST. especially because he puts ME first, too. never thought i'd want that. or find it. or ...wanna find it.

i don't regret that.

I DESERVE THAT.

i deserve to be loved.

nico said we're going to be driving for a few days. i'm okay with that. kinda. i'll have NO schedule, but i'll make up for it. i'll find a way. i'm still not really back to where i was when i came to camp, so maybe getting away is good for more than on reason.

he's getting snacks for the night right now, so i'm just gonna finish this up. we've driven for like most of the day and i'm quite tired.

no more thoughts for today, i think. emotions haven't changed, although i do feel a little calmer by now, which is probably also nico's fault. whenever he smiles at me i know the world's gonna okay.

eh, anyway. more tomorrow i guess. we'll get up early to drive as long as we can.

#lev x nico #* . ⊹ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀsᴛ ʜᴀᴜɴᴛs ᴜs ᴀʟʟ › ❨ headcanon. ❩ #lev writes journal every day #so he would try even on vacation #vacation journal things