#idk. thats way future stuff tho. but maybe will do that in the future. im trying to be optimistic and think abt my oter siblings to talk to

[pigstepmp3-moved]

holy hell, gamers, i finally reached one whole thousand followers! how bonkers is that! when i first made this blog in december 2018, i was just trying to start over in a new fandom. ive been active on tumblr for a looong time (since i was like 11, which is. not great, but we wont get into that). i cant remember quite why i decided to remake, but i never imagined getting a higher following than i did before, but i did! 1000 followers is bonkers, i’ve never had a thousand of anything! i seriously cant thank each and every one of you enough, whether you followed me for 911 or for mcyt or for whatever!

now, since ive reached this absolutely bonkers milestone, im feeling particularly sappy! so under the cut, i have some friends and mutuals tagged who are super great n who are always an absolute pleasure to see on my dash! <3 again, thank you all so much! (ps, if we’re mutuals and i didnt tag u in this, that doesnt mean i dont love and appreciate you!! i mostly am just picking people to tag based off how often i see them on my dash! i love all of u so much <3)

♡ 911 FRIENDS ♡

(aka the ogs, aka the fire fam)

♡ @lovelessmotel ♡ emily!! god, where do i even begin with how much i love and adore you!! i know youre one of my big sisters, but wow i am so proud of how much youve discovered yourself since we’ve met!! like wow, look at this epic, gorgeous person whos one of MY close friends! im so lucky to be friends with you! thank you so much for being my friend, i appreciate you and all the sisterly advice you’ve given me more than i can ever put into words!

♡ @eddiediaz-buckley ♡ sav!! mom!! i love u so unbelievably much!! i am so unbelievably grateful for you and everything youve done for me! all the advice youve given me and all the times youve let me vent to you have been so important to me and i cannot thank you enough for all that. im soso appreciative of you and im so glad that i have someone as amazing as you as my mom/big sister (we’ll never really figure out our fams family dynamics, will we?) (ps, whenever i go outside and have my keys with me, its always so comforting to feel the keychain you got me! its like my moms with me everywhere i go!)

♡ @liesoverthec ♡ bonbonbonbon!!! i love you so much, you wouldnt BELIEVE how much i love you!!! im so glad we met bc you are so unbelievably kind!! there is a very good reason a nickname for u is bonbon bc you are just as sweet as candy!! maybe even more so!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, you give such wonderful advice and talking to you always makes me feel a million times better!! i love you and i am soso glad i get to call you my friend!

♡ @marauder-girl ♡ sabsabsab!! i love u so much, u funky lil future lawyer!! im so proud of u and i can hardly believe ur gonna be my Lawyer big sister!!! thats so awesome!! i cant believe such a rad person is one of MY friends!! how lucky am i!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, youre so kind and funny and talented and your advice has always been so helpful to me too! thank you so much for being my friend and for always being there for me!!

♡ @nighting-gale17 ♡ cait, my love, my wifey!!! wowowow i love u so much!!! im so glad we’re friends, you are so unbelievably lovely!! youre also so unbelievably talented like??? hey queen wanna hand some of ur writing ability over to the unfortunate (like me). i’m so glad we’re friends, youre so sweet and even tho we dont talk as much as we used to, i still have SO much love for you in my heart

♡ @africaneuropean ♡ rae, my father!! i love u so much!! i know we havent talked at all in. who knows how long. but i still have so much love for u in my heart!! you are so iconic and cool and funny, im so glad i met you n became friends with you!! ur one of the coolest people i know, i hope i can be as cool and mysterious and wonderful as you one day

♡ @evaneddie ♡ DHYL!!! dhyl pickle i love u so much!!! whenever u pop into my inbox with random nice messages, every part of me lights up!!! u are so kind to me and for what!! i miss talking to u as much as we used to, you are so sweet and you are such a good friend!! i love u n im SO proud of how far youve come with gif making, i still remember when u first started n youve gotten SO amazing at gifs lately!! i love u soso much n im so glad we’re friends, youre so awesome!!!

♡ @basil-the-writer ♡ des!!! i love u so much!!! i know we’ve never rly talked all that much but im glad we have interacted in the ways that we have!! u are so sweet n so talented!! like the fact that u have the patience for those lil video edits u do?? that is so cool!! all ur edits are so cool, i cannot imagine being able to make stuff like that without dying every single time. u are so cool n i love being able to call u my friend!!

♡ GRIFF ♡

(aka griff)

♡ @yawnralphio ♡ u get ur own section bc u are my only 911 friend who isnt an og, but thats ok bc u are so swaggy!! i love being friends with u griff, u are so cool and funny and i am so glad that u still want to be friends with me despite all of the horrifying things u’ve learned about mcyt from me jdhfajkdhfa. i love u so much n i am so excited to get to know u more n get closer to u!!

♡ FRUITBLR ♡

(aka mcyt friends)

♡ @fear-epidemic ♡ atlas u are so swaggy and funny!! tumblr funny man!! im so glad we’re mutuals, i love u a whole lot. that one time u me n wilby played bed wars together was so fun even if we’re really bad! n that one time we played on the fruitblr server while on vc was so fun, i loved talking to u n playing with u so much, we gotta do that again sometime. i love u so much chapin n im so glad we’re friends!!

♡ @netheritedream ♡ hari my beloved... i love u so much. like literally so much that its really embarassing. i am so glad u tagged me in that one follow forever post n put the offer on the table to let me join the server. i love being ur dumb lil husband!!! jus like actual fundy, i would risk it all to watch treasure planet with u. i love u sososo much, i wish i could live closer to u so i could actually talk to u more often </333 im going through severe withdrawal, pray for me. im gonna stop talking for now bc if i kept going on, this post would be several miles along n nobody has time for that </3 just know that i love u so much and i love having matching icons n i love being ur husband, i love u so much

♡ @sootswilbur ♡ tommy... i care you so much. little bromther!!! im sososo glad we’re friends bc u are so kind to me all the time n u are so easy to talk to!! ur also so talented, ur writing n ur gifs are so amazing n im so proud of all the awesome stuff u make!! seeing u experiment more with ur gif sets n trying new things is so awesome n inspiring and i love seeing ur experiments work out!! i love u soso much n im so happy to be ur big brother!! (or one of them at least)

♡ @fruitbur ♡ virgil my Other beloved... i love u so much!! u are one of the kindest people ive ever met n im so glad i met u!! i know ive already told u this before but ur tagging system is so sweet n i love seeing u reblog my posts bc im like “yay alastair is gonna tell me that he loves me in the tags :D” i also lovelovelove ur theme, i love the soft pink and the lil aesthetic board that u have pinned, its so nice to look at!!! ily sososo much <333

♡ @theartofmining ♡ hey fruit ily. like genuinely, u are so unbelievably funny that u make my ribs hurt so much. i know we’re like never rly that serious but i love u so much. as much as i joke about hating u, i really am glad we’re friends n i really look forward to becoming better friends with u. i love u a whole lot rain, i love seeing u on my dash bc ur full of good takes n funny posts

♡ @sapnaplive ♡ dream.... bonks our foreheads together... i care u so much. my other half!!! i love u with my whole little heart. u are soso cool and im so lucky to be able to call u my friend!! ur themes are always so cool, i wish i could be half as cool as them!!! ur art is also so epic like??? u are a triple threat: good at art, tumblr themes, AND minecraft building. and ur also so kind!!! u are one of the sweetest people i know, i love u so much and im so glad im friends with u!!

♡ @dreams-little-kitten ♡ corn u are so weird and i mean that in the kindest way possible. u are so cryptic n i love that so much about u. ur like the wilbur to my philza sometimes and i think thats so awesome. that one time u came into my inbox to talk shit about that one cuphead boss was so funny and absurd, i loved that so much. i love You so much. i love how ur just so effortlessly funny, n im so glad i can be friends with u

♡ @dreamsmp ♡  JEL!!!! i love u so much holy cow. u are so sweet!! all the time!!! ur also so talented, ur gifs always look so good!!! i love being friends with u, ur always so nice to me n u always leave rly nice tags when u reblog my gif sets that make me so happy!!! i think about that one time u rbed my fundy gif set n said “FUNDY GIFS” and “GIFS BY FUNDY” it made me so happy!!! i love u a whole lot, im so glad we’re friends :)

♡ @leaguelol ♡ damien!! i love u so much u funky little cryptid!! i love when u pop into the gc just to share cryptic thoughts, u are so strange but i think thats so cool of u!!! i honestly see u kinda like a lil sibling, im always so proud of u when i see ur art on my dash!! u are so talented at art!! i love u so much n i love being ur friend, ur rly sweet n i love seeing u on my dash and in the gc!!

♡ @its5undy ♡ idk why im putting u on this, ur my mortal enemy. jkjk, i actually love u a lot clay! i love joking around with u, ur so funny and for what. im so glad u joined the gc bc i love talking to you so much!! i still love that one time u reblogged that fwt gif set n tagged me in it moments after I reblogged it. i love that u thought about me, that rly warms my heart! i love being friends with u sososo much

♡ @cavalreee ♡ oh hey, another great big fruit!! i dont think we talk all that often, which is a shame, bc ur so sweet!! and also so fucking funny, why is everyone in this friend group so fucking funny, its not fair. i love seeing u on my dash talking with ur other friends, u always have the funniest convos ever. also? ur desktop theme is SO epic, it threw me off the first time i saw it but its so swaggy, just like u!! i love u soso much azzie, n i hope we can talk more in the future bc ur so cool

♡ @technosoot ♡ i love u even tho ur a br*t /j /j /j. jannat u are so unbelievably sweet. im so glad u joined the gc bc u are such a kind presence both in there and on my dash! u radiate very Warm, Friend energy. ur friend shaped. i love u so much n i love being friends with u!! im very eager to become closer friends with u bc u seem like a really amazing friend to have

♡ @sortasortaspicy ♡ les where are u in the gc i miss u </3 i love u so much, u fit in so well from the very beginning n brought so much more fun and laughter into the gc. i dont know u all that well n i dont think we’ve talked one on one like. at all. but id love to get closer to u bc ur so rad and ur so sweet!!

♡ EPIC PEOPLE  ♡

(aka mutuals who are so cool n id love to be friends with u pls talk to me)

@eurytherm ♡ @vampkings ♡ @weelbur ♡ @wilburtheesoot ♡ @quackityskarl ♡ @wimblrscoot ♡ @technofarmer ♡ @wooteena ♡ @bloodforblood ♡ @smpsapnap ♡ @literallynotfound ♡ @hearty-an0n ♡ @enderanboo ♡ @springbonniecpu ♡ @pandascanpvp ♡ @tommylnnits ♡ @strawberrygogy ♡ @timedeo ♡ @nymika-arts ♡ @h-isforhome ♡ @eboykarl ♡ @joe-alkaysani ♡ @betwecouldmakesome ♡ @squirrelstone ♡ @maddieandchimney

#hehe idk how to tag this #ive spent SO long on this post im so glad its done #follow forever #eden.txt

[foryouthegays]

spreading propaganda [Dream SMP] liveblog yall lets go. this is so long i am sorry but the end is an actual summary of what happens asldkfa

sellout timer pog: 00:30:20, 01:00:40, 01:31:35, 02:02:03 (for like a second), 02:03:00, 02:34:35

time spent reading donations: 10 minutes, 20ish seconds. 

fanart credit he puts up (all from twitter i think): snumkt, reinneart, lihnsu, sestqr, jester_u, Brigade_Lost, natonyy

also taggin @antarctic-empire-technoblade​ :) theres an actual summary at the end that isnt just me ramblin so,,,,,,ye. i am so sorry its so long a;dkfja i dont know how to condense things 

00:00:35 “i stole a lot of sand recently,” ah yes, a casual conversation starter, the admission of theft 

00:03:55 hE HAS A VILLAGER TRADING HALL CHAPEL IN THE VILLAGE SIR THAT IS ILLEGAL 

00:04:13 

tubbo: -..--...--- 

ranboo: that means beans right

no, ranboo, not it does not (i put it into a translator and it just. it doesnt mean anything. i didnt see any spaces so im just. what was mr tubbo trying to say

00:04:35: relationship advice with technoblade! [reading donation] “‘techno, my boyfriend said he’ll never sub to you, how do i handle this travesty?’ uh, clearly you need to break up with him, and send me more money, is the most- that’s the most unbiased opinion I can give you, it’s just a good life decision, alright? It’s just a good life decision.”

00:16:00 ranboo hi!!!! him garden :D 

HOUND ARMY HOUND ARMY 00:18:10

00:20:15 ‘i have not made a tier list [for dinosaurs] yet’ Y E T? ? ? ?? ? 

00:20:55

“‘Hey, are you uncomfortable with being part of the SBI family dynamic?’ Uh, I don’t really- it’s not a matter of being uncomfortable, it’s just a matter of people making massive revisions to my character and the lore three months into the story without telling me, and it’s like, ‘no, that doesn’t- the story doesn’t- so many things don’t make sense now! What?? What???’ but if you want to make like, fanart of it, it’s fine”

00:21:25 imagine believing in airplanes, couldnt be me

00:21:35 SKLDJFAK a dono is like, hey can u call my new cousin a nerd, and technos like [claps] yOUVE COME TO THE RIGHT MAN im all about bullying infant children 

lakjshdfl 00:26:15 ‘philza this does not sound lore at all please’ poor techno

00:27:30 HKJSFDL :crab: TUBBO IS GONE :crab: also i cant tell if techno says ‘KILL HIM DEAD’ or ‘KILL HIM, DAD’ 

00:30:20 ‘we should have a grinch episode, where i go around stealing presents from l’manburg’ DO IT

also i was in chat at 00:31:25ish and i said ‘subscribe to technoblade’ and RIGHT AFTER techno said ‘did i hear subscribe to technoblade?’ and i felt so heard 

00:33:25 why is his only response to being seen in enemy lines to just stay realllyyyyy still a;lkdfjasf 

00:39:45 ‘this is crucial information coming to you live from anarchy news’ A;LSDKFJA;LSDF

00:46:25 :CRAB: RANBOO IS GONE :CRAB: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES 

alkdfja; 00:47:55 techno talks (sarcastically) abt how great it is when chat tells him where his stuff is

00:48:50 awww techno showin his not-dad his hound army!!! so cute 

00:55:30 techno specifies that theyre all characters/roleplayin!!!

techno talkin to phil is literally like a kid talkin to his dad after not seein him for a while. like yeah yeah family isnt canon in this but KSJDFLA hes like ‘phillll tommys being annoying also look at this new poster!!!!’ its so cute

01:09:20 A;SDJFADSL THE VILLAGER JUST. FALLS THROUGH THE FLOOR

techno nd phil reference smp earth at 01:19:50!!!!

(ik some people dont like enbyctechno so heres ur warnin, its just for this line tho) techno says ‘no one man should have this power’ but he HAS that power. therefore. mr c!blade is not a guy 01:35:00ish idk im not goin back to check

01:38:35 alright gang lets split up and look for clues 

01:45:20 ‘my chat’s sayin theres a 0% chance this is gonna work,,,,thATS A CHANCE I’M WILLING TO TAKE, CHAT’ skjdflasl;dfjaf (also, bit after, after readin the wiki say its 0% chance: ‘i like those odds’) 

01:48:15 [abt the zombie villager baby] 

Techno: on the bright side, we may have inflicted the optimal amount of trauma onto this child for it to become funny? 

Ranboo: ooooh yeah! it can become a minecraft youtuber!

techno: yeeeeeeah!!

pls get some therapy

a;ldkfassa the mental image of techno ownin an orphanage,,,,paldkfajslfasf 01:51:35

a;ldsifjasdklf ranboo is canonically a villager now, pog 01:56:50

01:57:50 ranboo: ‘they say that im built different, i am built different, in the fact that i have no moral backbone.’

01:58:30 BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD also why is techno so good at the bow like WHAT he looks in third person and turns nd shoots in like a second and hits most of the time its scary literally look at ranboo a;ldsjkfadsf hes like a porcupine 

ASKLJDFASLDF RANBOOS ‘OH NO HE KNOWS HOW TO OPEN DOORS’ AT 02:02:25 JUST HAS SUCH TECHNO SKYBLOCK VID VIBES ADLKJFALSDFJA OH MY GOSH

02:06:35 “i feel there has been an attempt on my life,” "no thats just how we greet each other in our country” nether lore pog?

02:08:45 why does techno casually type at 120 wpm?????  god i hate him so much why is he like thisssss ugh (also it took ~3 seconds to type 7 words (34 characters) which is 140 wpm and 680 cpm if i know how to do math i hate it here) /lh

nd then he types ‘punz we’re all outside your house get over here’ which is 47 characters nd 9 words nd it took him 5 seconds to type which is 564 cpm and 108 wpm so his average (from these two samples which. isnt a lot. should i do a post abt this in the future?) is 124 wpm and 622 cpm. hes so fast. 

SDA;FKJASDF PHIL WHY R U SO VIOLENT 

02:17:00 PUNZ POG ALSO MANIFOLD KILLED IN THE HOLY LAND

technos complainin bout the fights bein boring,,,,,,,fight them all, techno. do it. 1v8. do it, coward. 

02:24:02 ‘maybe the real combat was the friends we made along the way’ 

02:25:16 i love that technos first instinct when someone dies is to check what sword/axe killed them nd what enchants r on it aldskfjads

i love how techno calls the manhunt music ‘dream music’ its so funny to me

right before he ends the stream he says ‘p e r h a p s’ to techno plushies and i just,,,, wa n t 

if ya just want an actual summary and not that MESS:

Technoblade starts the stream in his house. the first thing he does is put another piece of fanart in his house, this one by snumkt on twitter. he goes to l’manburg, where he sneaks around very sneakily (/s) and replaces anti-techno propaganda with pro-techno fanart, stating that “If they take it down, it’s ‘cause they hate fanartists.” (00:09:18). 

While placing posters, Techno checks in on his hound army, and reveals that he thinks someone had been in the area, because a wolf teleported to him while he was home. He thinks someone placed water, the dog stood up, and then teleported. (00:18:25)

After breeding the dogs, Techno reads donations and one of the questions is about the SBI family dynamics. Here’s what he says at 00:20:55 

“‘Hey, are you uncomfortable with being part of the SBI family dynamic?’ Uh, I don’t really- it’s not a matter of being uncomfortable, it’s just a matter of people making massive revisions to my character and the lore three months into the story without telling me, and it’s like, ‘no, that doesn’t- the story doesn’t- so many things don’t make sense now! What?? What???’ but if you want to make like, fanart of it, it’s fine”

He then meets up with Philza, who is being escorted by Tubbo. Techno goes to Philzas house, and hides in his new basement. He joins their VC and finds Phil, Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo. talking about birthdays. Tubbo goes to the basement and sees Technos invis particles, hits him, and he is revealed. Techno kills tubbo, and declares it canon as a joke. 

He goes back outside, deafened on Discord, and puts down more propaganda. Philza joins his call, and they meet up to try and find Technos stolen items. They don’t find the barrel, but they do find a hidden room under the podium. Techno puts a piece of propaganda in the room. (00:43:30)

While Phil is killing an enderman, Ranboo finds them, and is killed by Techno. (00:46:25) 

Techno takes Phil to see his Hound Army, but they’re stopped by Tubbo. Techno tries to pretend to be Ranboo, but Ranboo goes up to them, so his cover is blown. Techno’s chased to the portal. Phil and Techno meet again in the Nether, and they go back to the house. 

At the house, Phil and Techno talk about the SBI characters, the sellout timer goes off, and then they go downstairs to cure a zombie villager. While it’s curing, Techno gathers books to make a new bow, with Power V, Punch II, Unbreaking III, Flame, and Mending. 

Philza reveals that Ranboo is coming over to give Phil a present. Techno seems excited at this, mostly at the fact that Ranboo can be his new bows test subject. 

Before Ranboo arrives, the villager is cured, and they find out it is a nitwit, meaning it can’t trade or get a job. Techno and Phil start working on a tunnel to bring the villager to a lava pool, so the other villagers won’t gossip and raise their prices. 

Ranboo joins the call at 01:15:35, right before they’re going to bring the villager to the lava pool. He gifts Techno and Phil four Netherite ingots.

After struggling to get the villager to the right height, Techno forces Ranboo to boat the villager into the lava. Ranboo escapes by throwing a pearl, and the villager dies.

Ranboo, Techno, and Phil talk about duping Netherite, and the current plot, and then Techno finds a zombie baby villager. It’s caught in a boat, and Techno nametags it ‘Orphan.’ They talk about the cobblestone tower, Philzas’ death to a baby zombie, and how if you don’t see a child's parents, you should assume that they are an orphan and attack them. 

Techno talks to Jack Manifold through chat about his axe. Techno, Philza, and Ranboo go around and look for zombie villagers. Techno finds an igloo, with two villagers. Techno was going to try and turn them into zombie villagers, but decides to not when he finds out that theres a 0% chance of that happening on Easy mode. 

They all go back to Orphan, and bully it when they find out it still hasn’t grown up. Techno and Ranboo make a joke about how it’s traumatized, so it’ll be funny and can be come a minecraft youtuber. please get some help. (01:48:15)

After Orphan grows up, Techno trades and gets the Bottle of Enchanting trade for one emerald. They all joke about Techno owning an orphanage at 01:51:35.

Phil, Techno, and Ranboo decide go to the Hound Army, but Techno remembers that Ranboo is part of L’manburg, and tries to kill him (with his new bow) when they enter the nether. He doesn’t succeed, and he continues fighting until he drinks and invis pot on the Prime Path. Techno and Phil meet up in the Bee Dome, where Ranboo finds them. Techno tries to kill him, but runs out of arrows. 

After reading donations, Techno, Ranboo, and Phil are back together at the Bee Dome, and they decide to team up in case someone finds them. They go outside of the Dome, and chase Jack Manifold out of his own country.

Manifold joins the VC, and they try to blame Punz on his attempted murder. After Manifold says “i feel there has been an attempt on my life,” Techno says that that’s how he greets people in his country.

Manifold asks if they want to help him get revenge on Punz, and Techno agrees. They gather more people, and by the time they get to Punz’s tower, their party is Manifold, Techno, Phil, Ranboo, Fundy, and Antfrost. Punz is in the Nether, so they wait until he gets back. 

Ranboo and Techno have a whisper conversation:

Ranboo: are you just going to jump fundy

Techno: no im gonna make jack 1v1 LMAO

Ranboo: good plan

While Fundy is taking a screenshot of Techno for his thumbnail, Philza attacks Fundy with a crossbow and his sword. He claims it was because he was getting bored. 

In the same spirit, Techno asks if they could kill Manifold to pass the time. The mob, which now includes Fundy, chases Manifold. He runs to the Holy Land, and the mob boos him.  Techno tells Antfrost to kill Manifold, and that the mob won’t tell that he was killed in the Holy Land. Manifold hands Antfrost his sword. 

While Antfrost debates killing Manifold or not, the mob chants ‘peer pressure!’ at him. Techno quickly realizes that Antfrost isn’t in the VC, and is extremely confused. The sword gets handed to Fundy, who gets into a battle with Manifold. Philza tells Fundy that he’s forgiven, if he can kill Manifold. The battle calms, and neither of the contestants die.

Techno convinces the mob to go to the pit trap, and tries to lure someone onto the trapped blocks using rotten flesh. Fundy takes the bait, but moves out of the way before the button is pressed. Antfrost sneaks up behind him and punches him into the pit. Fundy survives the fall, but is shot by Manifold to death. 

During the commotion, Punz makes his way back to his house, and the mob moves towards him to end his life. Manifold says that he’s going to kill Punz, and Techno says that the mob’ll have his back. He tells the mob to not have Manifold’s back. 

at 02:17:00, Punz joins the call, and is confused as to why Manifold wants to kill him. Manifold explains that Punz tried to kill him, siting his source as Technoblade. 

also, 2:17:15 technoswear!

Techno encourages Punz, saying “Punz, he actually dropped his sword by accident and now I have it, so it’d be really easy to beat him up,” and “he also just killed in the holy land, so you have a sort of...religious motivation to take him out.”

Punz tries to fight Manifold without armor (Manifold is wearing a full enchanted set of armor, with a Netherite chestplate and everything else Diamond), which fails miserably, and Manifold is killed. 

Techno decides to fight Manifold with his goons (the mob) for the audience retention, and Manifold’s quickly killed. The final hit was from CaptainPuffy. Ponk rushes in and grabs some of Manifold’s items. Puffy takes the rest.

Manifold complains about getting bullied, so Techno gives him his sword back and tells him to avenge himself. While looking for Ponk (or Punz? this is kinda unclear), Punz swoops in and kills Manifold in two hits. 

Manifold finds Ponk and chases after him, trying to kill him. The mob follows, and Ranboo kills Ponk with thorns. Manifold takes Ponks stuff. 

Right after respawning, Ponk was blown up by a creeper, and Techno claimed both as canon. 

The mini fights continue, and Manifold is killed by Punz. 

Ranboo changes the ‘Days since last war crime’ sign to 0.

Phil tells Techno that he’s going back to the base, and the L’manburgians question him as to what base he’s talking about. Phil tells Fundy that he ripped off his ankle shackles and left. While they talk, Techno starts running back to the base, and Ranboo whispers “lets run back” to him. Ranboo follows Techno, but quickly looses him.

Phil and Techno join a separate VC together and they go back to the base. 

At 02:29:15, Phil says “I trust you” to Techno and I am going to cry. 

Right before getting to the base, Phil drinks some honey, and Techno says “that’s the only thing we have honey for, now that we’ve uh...uh I guess you don’t know about that.” He’s referring to the Vault, I think, because the redstone required honey to work properly. 

Philza responds, “the honey- wait, what did you use the honey for?” 

“uhhh....food.” Techno, for some reason, doesn’t want to show Phil the vault. 

Ranboo whispers to Techno: “My alliance isnt with lmanburg, its with the people who help me. phil helped me.”

out loud, Techno laughs about it with phil, saying, “well, I’ve stabbed him like twelve times this week, so, I [laughs] I don’t know if that entirely qualifies here.”

Techno messages Ranboo back with “new phone who this” 

Ranboo replies, “no one,” and then, “:)”

Going back to the honey talk, Philza asked if Techno had been hiding anything diabolical from him, and Techno asks if he would do such a thing. Philza guesses several things he could use honey for, such as a flying machine, TNT dupers, and a door.

Techno takes him to the vault. 02:32:00. i LOVE peoples reactions to the vault, it’s always so good. Philza responds with a surprised ‘HOLY SHIT’ and some laughing. Techno also confirms my math of 55 withers. 

02:34:10 “i’ve seen this government, on the server, and everything to do with government is just bad. I’ve watched it completely destroy and tear down people’s wills and change people, I’ve seen it change the nicest people into complete and utter tyrants, so...I think it’s about time--”

“We need revenge. [sellout timer goes off] and more importantly, we neED SUBSCRIBERS ON YOUTUBE DOT COM” phil joinin anarchy pog? 

anyway that was it ;alskdfjas;f

#this ended up bein abt 3000 words whoops #a;ldskfjasldf #technoblade #stream post

[jazajas]

okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

#love victor spoilers #love victor #love simon #simon vs the homosapiens agenda #leah on the offbeat #simon spier #bram greenfeld #victor salazar #felix weston #jas rambles #i have opinions #and i am very tired #just like in general #like my current state of being #although i am tired of straight being constantly shoved down the thoughts of lgbtq+ people #and like the state of the world because people are bigoted a-holes #but like #it's nice that they upped the airing because they didn't want to conlfict with juneteenth #although now im questioning motives on why #was is out of support? or the want if making money #who knows #i sure dont #i hoped there aren't too many grammatical errors

[iceboundolive]

Rambles below because my brain in a trash fire and I'm gonna get hella personal so if u read this thats on you lmao

Idk if anyone is gonna read this who can related but like.... anybody find being aroace like.... vaguely traumatic? Not in the being actively targeted or anything kind of way, but in the 'being unable to properly fulfill the shoes society has given you' way?

Im glad that asexuality is growing increasingly visible because its true that not everyone wants to fuck and there's nothing wrong with that. But sometimes I don't even know if I'm really ace or just have such low self esteem that physical contact can make my soul shrivel up. Im fine with hugging coworkers and casual contact with them, because at least in retail, that's just being friendly. But the second it happens outside of that with a friend, that safety cushion of 'coworker' is gone and any contact can carry a double meaning (even if you don't want it to). I see friends make casual contact with each other on couches and things and I just get so fucking jealous about how at ease they are with that. I always have to like, hype myself up to do things like that. Constantly feeling like the body im in is insufficient in some way and that every flaw I see on myself will be noticed by another person. So the thought of fucking just seems overall like a bad time. Probably ace, regardless of the other stuff tho but whatever.

Its the aro thing that fucking kills me. Every god damn thing in society is focused around love and finding a partner. Commercials, music, movies, books, fucking everything. And here i am, too uncomfortable to relax around family or friends ive had for years. Living with someone forever? Yikes. But where the fuck does that leave me? I get to watch friends have relationships and shit and be happy, and like I can be good friends with someone but thats something ill just never know. And I mean I can deal with that, but I *hate* (and its probably due to ingrained expectations) thinking about the future like 'im going to be 30, then 40, and then die alone with no family left and probably no friends cause who wants this weird perpetually single person hanging around like a third wheel all the time'. It's so fucking scary to think about and I just.... im tired. I'm mad at being alive and I'm mad about being like this. Maybe things would be different if every movie didn't have a romantic subplot? I dunno, I don't know where I was going with this and maybe its a little due to the pandemic happening but overall the pandemic hasnt changed much. Im alone now, and I was alone a year ago. At least now I have an excuse.

(Edit to add that the worst thing about this pandemic is feeling like you can see everyone's 'affection meter' for u dropping as the months go on and feeling like you'll never be able to repair that loss. Like a rift has been formed and now its an inevitable path towards never speaking)

#talking about aroace stufd #oh i understand now #twas an unexpected/previously unknown trigger that occurred at an inconvenient time that spawned this

[ghoestys]

i’m literally pulling this out of my ass so if there are errors and stuff doesnt make sense then please myob and pretend like u understand what im saying im trying to do this before i get caught not doing hw he comes at 6 n its 5:43 rn 

statistics

full name: suzy nora yoon nickname(s): su, suz (pronounced like snooze without the n)  age: twenty three date of birth: tba! hometown: tba! gender: cis female religion: athiest sexuality: bisexual hair colour: black/dark brown eye colour: brown height: 5'5″ tattoos: tba! piercings: tba!

prompt + blackmail

a member of the yale's elite, they're twenty-three and a senior undergrad student majoring in aviation engineering. they are as gregarious as they are aimless.

TW DRUGS!  1. to pay for yale's very expensive tuitition, suzy sells weed that's both fake and real, depending on who is buying and if she likes them. she's not a good seller, though, so this hasn't been the best form of income for her. 2. got accepted into the aviation engineering program, but suzy can't complete her homework without the help of drugs to keep her mind focused and creative enough to understand the problems

about 

family/upbringing/childhood/wtvr

so! literally pulling this out of my ass and making things up as i go! suzy was born in a family with her parents (mom & dad), her older sister, and her older brother. the family was strictly middle class and her parents and siblings were very hardworking. her siblings were good at what they did and they excelled in their academics because they tried hard and all that stuff!

growing up, suzy followed her siblings and her parents and was basically a gifted child from the very start. elementary and middle school was not hard for her and she was in all the advanced and gifted programs. the family was calm and there wasn’t anything drastic that removed the peace or caused any disruption at all. like. they were just chillin. 

i think suzy had an average relationship with her parents. they were still asian, so like... it’s as good as it was going to get. she was somewhat close to her siblings, but seeing as they were 5/8 years older than her, the age gap wasn’t that welcoming to the baby of the family. she was kinda just.. having fun on her own being smart n shit. 

anyways! high school! where all gifted kids literally come to die! due to her shit from elem & middle school, she was offered a full ride scholarship to some prestigious school and as asian parents, they were NOT going to reject that free ride to a school that would help ensure suzy’s success in the future. she went from being one of the smartest kids to being another burnt out gift child and high school was fucking ROUGH! 

bitch really had a fucking crisis and burned the fuck out. her not being the smartest bitch anymore literally killed everything in her and she just stopped being that. she met people and what do u know! got into the wrong crowd where drugs and alcohol was everyones bff! 

she got into that pretty heavily by sophomore year i would say. she was just. yea. 

i mean. she was burnt out  but her grades were still fine if u saw them. studying isnt hard for suzy and shes pretty smart, but she wasn’t at the very top of her class anymore and thats what killed her. instead of having straight a’s, suzy was getting b’s and a few c’s. in a family where anything other than an a was acceptable it really just killed suzy some more 

anyways! drugs and alcohol! made her feel good so she did it. she found that weed was the best thing as well as some tranquilizers/anything that relaxed her essentially. she just liked the feeling of floating n not caring or feeling any pressure like. she wanted to b in her own world n shit. 

college/the elites

after graduating high school, she didnt apply to college right away because honestly? drugs and alcohol and a bitch didnt care by her senior year. her grades were not the best and while she couldve gotten into college, she literally had no interest for college and her parents at this point baiscally disowned her so like? who the fuck is gonna pay for her college??

her work ethic is the worst bc shes so careless like. bitch had a shift from 1-7pm and showed up at 5 because she literally didnt feel bothered enough to show up.

anyways a year or so after graduating high school (idk the math rn) she got really high off something and just. did a whole ass application to yale bc she decided to apply for the shits n giggles. wrote a fake letter of recommendation, wrote killer essay and personal reflection shit or wtvr, and even submitted the application with an attached document of her outlining an entire airplane that wouldve been fully functional except for a few tweaks n shit that was needed

she some how got in from that (this is fake this would probs not b real <3 teehee) and bc she was now accepted and going to yale (she accepted high aha a theme for her), she had to think about how to fund for this shit so she decided to get into drug dealing!

which is honestly. not going good like a bitch again has poor work ethics so her as a drug dealer is so.... she literally got into it bc of euphoria bc it looked easy but doing it... is not easy at all but its her only form of funding so she’s doing it. kinda. loosely. please fire her. 

idk where to put this but. suzy is kinda like that girl from the queens gambit where she feels like she needs drugs to function so like she ditches class but she’ll do all her assignments nicely bc she thinks the drugs give her superpowers to b smart n at the top of her academic class again

when shes under the influence of anything she feels like she can function more or like her life is just... better when shes not sober and ull rarely really see her sober like shes usually just on something 

idk where the post is rn bc im too lazy to look for it bc i jsut got a text that he was coming now but!!! its the tweet where a guy was drunk n drew up an entire blue print of an airplane and that is literally fucking suzy i swear to god 

when shes high she’s like the smartest bitch around (shes smart without drugs but doesnt believe that) and can build airplanes n blueprints n solve maths n wtvrs

suzy is truly an asian stem bitch and the sciences and math is where she excels the most!!!! probs won awards n competitions for math and science but doesnt really acknowledge that much becase like... its just not something shes focused on

got into the elites by just making a blueprint of a plane from scratch infront of the twins like. legit just went infront of them, started making the blueprint from scratch to finish n gave it to  them saying here is a blueprint for a new private plane u guys can build for urselves 

personality 

personality wise she is very friendly n goofy n chill n chaotic 

literally a dumbass n honestly really annoying just ask orion 

shes just a stoner having fun doing her life n not really caring about anything like. how she made it to senior year who the fuck knows i really  dont honestly

i think the main way to describe her is bimbo like thats it 

not really into sharing her life and is more of a listener than a talker when it comes to conversations that are genuinely deep and personal. she will not talk to u about her problems and insecurities seriously (maybe she’ll do it in a self deprecating way) unless she trusts u w her life. otherwsie she will keep it to herself n prays that her stoner part will make people believe shes just chillin w no problems

when it comes to conversations about  nonsense n fake deep shit like what is air then suzy will not shut the fuck up like if u wanna talk to someone about nonsense then suzy is truly ur bitch like. a bitch can fucking talk 

doesnt mind being alone bc she has fun on her own but she prefers company more bc she likes having fun and having someone to accompany wtvr she does. whether its for smoking/drinking or hanging out but also just for like... going to class if she chooses to attend and doing everyday errands like groceries or wtvr. she doesnt really do groceries tho bc she just steals orions fodo but when she does choose to go she likes having people with her :) 

she doesnt have a passion for anything bc she doesnt dream of labor but the closest thing about b making airplanes or helicopters like. blueprints  come easy to her n she enjoys making them bc she feels like shes actually capable of something bc shes aware that making them isnt something everyone can do 

u can treat her like a dumbass n she wont call u on it even tho shes kinda smart bc she feels like shes a dumbass

most likely has bad self esteem and feels like a failure but uses drugs n alcohol to ignore that feeling :) 

probs the least judgemental person ull ever meet bc she really doesnt care about what u do like. she hears the secrets getting outted n she doesnt care there r high chances that she’ll still look at u the same way

#intro #i am rushing im so sorry i jsut wanted this out while i was thinking about her

[stray-tori]

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP 

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS 

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS 

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE 

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

No

NO

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :((( 

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more 

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message 

why 

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

#an innocent sin #dohye x noah #noah x dohye #long post #tori talks #tori has opinions #reactions #yes I do this often in our dms #poor mei #toriqueue

[swiss-cheeze]

Hallelujah || Spencer Reid

I am, so terrified to post this simply because it’s ‘new’ and stuff idk.

Disclaimer: IM ONLY UP TO SEASON 2 OF CRIMINAL MINDS, I do know what happens later on revolving around Reid and IT DOES GET MENTIONED (drugs, the jail) however no detail gets put in due to me not actually knowing about it a lot.

Another disclaimer: the characters in this are Reid, you, Hotch, Gideon, Garcia, J.J., Morgan and Emily. Stuff from Reid’s ‘future’ gets told in this even tho there are different people on the team at that time but because I don’t know them I didn’t put them in there.

I hope that makes sense.

Requested: YES/NO Gender: none, they/them Warnings: talk of suicide/jumping off a building along with depression, loneliness. Description: Spencer is a little scared to show his partner of 3 and a half years to his work mates, that is, until his partner wows the team with their singing skills.

“Guys i just, i dunno…” Spencer sighed softly and stopped walking for what felt like the tenth time that night, the group sighed as they stopped with Spencer as he started pacing on the spot and ran his hands through his hair.

“Wonder Boy it's going to be okay, there's nothing to be afraid of” Garcia reassured Spencer for what would have to be the third time since they left the office.

“I-I know that but statistically speaking-” Spencer began, the team all seemed to give each other a look that told them the same thing.

“Nuh uh Pretty Boy!” Morgan interjected, the muscled man grabbed Spencer by his shoulders and started walking in the direction of the bar, “you have been on and off about this person for a month now, not telling us a single thing and then maybe a phrase or something and quite frankly i'm fed up with it” as Morgan opened the doors to the bar the group walked in with Spencer still standing out the front nervously chewing his nails and sent a frightened look to Morgan. Hotch sighed before turning to Morgan.

“I got this one, you head inside” the chief of the BAU spoke, he allowed Morgan to go inside before stepping out with Spencer, “what's gotten you so tight?” the man asked Spencer, “friend to friend, this isn't work.” the man concluded as he saw Spencer's mind racing.

“I’m scared, Hotch, and I'm not normally scared or-or fearful, yeah I've been to prison and gotten addicted to drugs and shot-shot multiple times but this…” Spencer sighed as he ran his hands through his hair again and paced back and forth, “but this is different, they really mean alot to me and have been with me through almost everything since i was in prison and they’ve been there for every and all breakdowns and moments,” Spencer took this moment to look at Hotch with reddened eyes, “i really love them you know? They,” Spencer sniffled as he smiled brightly, “they give me such a high that the drugs could never give me, they give me such a lightened feeling, such happiness that when i go home after a case i almost forget about the horrors i've witnessed that day and they remind me of the true happiness and love this world can give to certain people,” he took a breath as Hotch interjected.

“So why are you so scared?” Hotch asked as his hands rested on his hips, it was a simple question, and even with the ramble Spencer just spoke it took him a moment to come up with an answer.

“Because i just want you guys to love him as much as i do,” Spencer said with a soft smile as memories flooded his mind of the past 3 and a half years with you, “obviously not in the romantic way but-”

“Reid,” Hotch paused Spencer, the boy looked to his elder in a way a boy would look to his father after being told off, “this person, they make you happy, yes?” Hotch asked, Spencer nodded vigorously, “then you have not a thing to worry about” the man said with a faint smile, “as long as you’re happy, you aren't in prison and are off the drugs than thats all that matters to us, and the fact you have a partner just makes it better because then you can share that happiness with that person just like you said before, they make you feel something the drugs never could,” Hotch stepped forward and held Spencer on his biceps with a firm grip to keep the boy grounded, “so let's go in there and meet this person” Hotch finalised, Spencer nodded affirmatively and the pair walked into the bar one after the other.

“Finally!” Emily called as the team sat around a table with two empty seats, “so?” the girl asked as her and the rest of the team looked just as curious, “where are they?” she asked, Spencer breathed in and smiled as he checked the time.

“Two minutes more and they’ll be here,” Spencer said as he checked his watch.

“Oh so you made us get here early just so you could get pissed?” Morgan said jokingly as their drinks got to their table.

“Leave him alone Morgan it's his first time,” Gideon said with a chuckle as he took a swig of his beer.

“First time? What's that-” Spencer started to talk but got cut off when someone tapped the microphone. Everyone turned their heads to look to the stage, a man holding a folder was standing in front of the microphone.

“Hello! I would like to invite our next singer slash band up on stage; (Y/n) (L/n) and Micheal Herance!” the man smiled brightly as he clapped and you walked on stage with Micheal in tow behind you.

“You didn't tell us they were in a band!” Garcia exclaimed.

“I hope its not country,” Morgan deadpanned softly which made Garcia kick him under the table, when Morgan looked to Garcia with confusion she nudged her head over to Spencer who seemed to be glazed over, his eyes full of love and adoration as you and the other person tried to get ready quickly.

“They’re only small and do mostly covers but they’re really good” Spencer said with a smile as he grabbed his drink and took a sip. Micheal took his seat on the wooden stool with an electric guitar as you grabbed the microphone and cleared your throat.

“Hi,” you said softly, even if you’ve been doing stage shows for a little over a year, seeing all those eyes on you and your band still made you feel anxious, “we are two fourths of The Charmed Crosses,” you said with a chuckle, “this is a song i would like to dedicate to a special someone whom i hope has made i tonight,” Spencer wanted to jump up and down and scream to say he made it but he felt that would ruin the mood so he stayed put as he realised that the stage lights would be the things hindering your sight, “even if he isn't this is recorded so, Spencer Reid with three PhD’s, this one goes out to you my sweet.” The Team silently pat Spencer on the back as the boy blushed slightly with a smile.

“It's nothing, they do it all the time” Spencer said softly as he took a mouthful of his drink again and the opening notes to Hallelujah started playing from the guitar.

“Oh this is going to make me cry,” Garcia said softly as Emily and J.J. nodded in agreement, Gideon squeezed Garcia's hand, he didn't want to admit it but it was going to bring a tear to his eye too.

“Well I'd heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music, do you?” your voice drifted through the microphone as the Guitar chords struck itself within you and the crowd, “Well, it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift, the baffled king! Composing Hallelujah. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah” your voice drifted like soft wood and carried emotions that nobody else could try and carry, “Well, your faith was strong but you needed proof, you saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya” you took a breath as the guitar carried for a few notes, “She tied you to the kitchen chair, she broke your throne and she cut your hair! And from your lips, she drew the Hallelujah. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah” the emotion in your words where one that couldn't be described as the team looked between you and the lovestruck Spencer, no way had this guy picked you, of all people, though it was possible it was slim. But it happened, “But baby, I've been here before, I've seen this room and I've walked this floor. You know, I used to live alone before I knew ya” these lyrics seemed to go out to Spencer in a way that wasn't one the team, your coworkers or the world would ever know, it was a thing for you two and you two only, “And I've seen your flag on the marble arch, and love is not a victory march!” this almost seemed to be a direct hit to Spencer, of his past dwellings, “It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah” the song spread a shiver up Morgans spine that even he wouldn't be able to explain as he took a moment to look to Ried, his love struck baby brother had finally grown into a man, your voice was soft in the places it needed to be and became hard in others in a way one couldn't describe. Your voice drifted with the guitar and carried out the rest of the song, the emotion brought out made everyone in the room believe you wanted the whole world to hear you, but only one person could understand. See, this song was the song that had saved your life, as cliche as it was things had gotten too rough for you to handle a few years ago, the stress of a daily job and bills and rent was getting too much for you, and one night you decided to go to the roof of your apartment with the radio and you played it for a little bit, letting the songs go one by one. When you decided you had stalled enough you stood on the edge of the building and looked down before looking back up to the sky, “give me one good reason, give me a sign, give me anything” you had spoken, and that's when you really did feel something. A wind gushed around you and ruffled your clothes as it made your radio fall onto its back, you sighed softly as you went to pick it up, and as you did the song changed to Hallelujah, of course you had heard it before but this time it felt like someone was really listening. In that moment you had sat in front of the radio and listened to the whole song right through to the end, that's also how Spencer found you on that roof.

---

“You don't have to know you,” Spencer's voice called out from the stairwell as he leaned against the doorframe. You gasped softly as you tried to dry your eyes before the mystery man could see you.

“Don’t have to do what?” you asked the man as the sound of his footsteps came closer to you and soon sat on the edge of the building, his hands where in his pocket as his tie blew in the wind along with his hair.

“I saw you standing on the edge, and i heard you ask for a reason, a sign,” Spencer shrugged softly, “you seemed to have gotten it though” the man said with a small smile as he looked to the radio, you smiled softly as you looked to the radio in your hands and smiled.

“Yeah i guess so,” you let the radio play the next song as you sat next to Spencer, “so what’re you doing out here then? Thought the same thing?” you asked as Spencer scoffed and shook his head No.

“No, no I'm here because I like to look at the stars when I feel alone,” Spencer said as he looked to the sky. You did too, “whenever I feel sad, alone, depressed, or even suicidal. I come up here for refuge, I look up at the stars and I think to myself, ‘if they’re up there, then they must have sacrificed a lot to be there, burning, forever'” Spencer talked with honey in his voice and admiration. You looked at the mystery man with a small smile, “but by all means if that wasn't a sign enough and neither was I then go ahead” Spencer said with a smile.

“Yeah? And why shouldn't i?” you asked as you stood up on the roof and started swinging your arms, “besides the song, and you” you stated.

“Because that is a lot of paperwork for a department to file for one person” Spencer said as he too stood up and walked towards you. You nodded.

“Well, consider my suicidal thoughts diminished,” you said with a small smile.

“Good” Spencer said as he walked to the staircase again, you turned and was disappointed to see him leaving so soon.

“What's your name? I don't believe i’ve seen you in the apartment block before,” you asked, it was a kind enough question, a name.

“I just moved in,” Spencer said as he stopped at the staircase, “my name is Spencer Ried, i have three Phd’s, if you ever need me im only ever two doors down from yours, number 15, either that or down at the BAU”

“You’re a profiler” you stated.

“Correct,” Spencer answered though he didn't move.

“So what’d you get from me?” you asked with crossed arms.

“You’re suicidal?” Spencer questioned playfully.

“You know what i mean,” you said with a sigh.

“Life is a hell of a thing to happen to someone” Spencer said with a smile, “a good friend of mine said that, he's a writer,” Spencer said with his hands still resting in his pockets.

“Brilliant” you said, it was half sarcastic and half...human.

“Goodnight…” Spencer trailed off as he didn't know your name.

“(Y/n). (Y/n) (L/n)” you said with a smile.

“Goodnight (Y/n) (L/n)” Spencer said.

“Goodnight Spencer Ried with three PhDs” you said with a smile as Spencer walked down the stairs.

---

After your first introduction to each other on that roof, you and Spencer started to become friends, then good friends, and then he asked you out on a date and now, 3 and a half years later. You couldn't be more happy to be alive than now. Time seemed to stand still as the last note from the guitar rang around the bar and everyone clapped, a few standing and another few wiping their tears away from the corners of their eyes. You smiled as you and Micheal bowed on the stage before walking off, Spencer nudged his team as he stood up.

“Come on, we’ll get a booth so it's easier” the profiler said as another band came onto the stage and started their song. The FBI agents all stood and followed Spencer to the bar where (Y/n) stood, looking around for their boyfriend and nervously sipping on whiskey, Spencer smirked as he turned to his friends with a look of excitement, “watch this” the Doctor said with a wiggle of his brows before walking over towards you. You bit your lip as you looked around nervously hoping Spencer had made it tonight, “a good looking person like you should bite their lip so much” a voice said behind you, you jumped from the suddenness of it before turning around and allowing a large smile to form over your lips before placing your drink on the bar and wrapping your arms around your tall boyfriends neck.

“Spence! You made it!” you said happily, though you had been together for over 3 years, Spencer Reid still seemed to give you the same butterflies like the first date you two ever had.

“Of course i made it Bug,” Spencer said, using his nickname for you, “wouldn't miss it even if i was dying” the agent said with a knowing smile as a scoff could be heard behind him causing Spencer and you to look at the intruder.

“He was almost dying when he was coming down the street,” a man said, he was black and tall and rather handsome, Spencer gave a shy smile as he walked over next to the man.

“These are my coworkers!” Spencer said a little nervously, you had a confused look on your face previously but now it was filled with excitement and elated happiness as you walked forward towards the group.

“So you guys are the people he keeps boasting on about!” you said happily as you stuck out your hand to the first man.

“Derek Morgan” the man said, you nodded as you shook his hand and a soft smile came over the man's face, this was Spencer's ‘big brother’ at the office. You moved to the next person.

“Emily Prentiss,” the girl said, she was sleek and had nice hair, you made a mental note to ask her about it later as you moved to the next person.

“Jason Gideon”, ah, so this was Spencer's mentor, you gave a knowing look at Gideons hands encapsulating yours in a warm and inviting way. Spencer looked at you greeting everyone with a profound happiness.

“Aaron Hotchner, but please just Hotch” the man said, you smiled.

“So youre the narcissist” you said with a wink as Hotch gave a small laugh as Spencer closed his eyes with a smile. You moved to the next person. She was rather round and had blonde hair and a brilliant red dress and blue cardigan on.

“Penelopie Garcia, i make sure your wonder boy over there makes it back alive to you” the girl said, you gave a laugh as did everyone else knowing it was a team effort but it was also a joke.

“Than i shall give all my thanks to you and bid everyone else, adew” you said with a tone of laughter, Garcia laughed with you as you moved to the final person, “you must be-”

“J.J., please” the girl said as she shook your hand for the final time, you nodded in respect, so this was the girl Reid fancied for like, an hour or something whenever it was he told you that point.

“Well, please let's get a booth and get to know each other!” you said with a smile as you grabbed your glass of liquor from the bar and walked to a previously reserved booth in the far corner of the bar.

“You shouldn't drink that drink you know,” Derek said from behind you, “you left it alone for two minutes, could be drugged” you smiled as yourself and the group piled into the booth.

“Then I am one hundred percent sure one of you would have told me” you said as you took a sip of your drink, Derek laughed as Garcia sat next to him and he wrapped an arm around her, you eyed them for a moment before letting it go. Spencer sat next to you as J.J. sat next to him, then the rest piled in.

“So (Y/n), tell us a little bit about yourself,” Hotch started as he took a sip of his beer, you cleared your throat as you looked to Spencer who nodded for confirmation.

“Well, um, I'm in a band,” you chuckled softly, “as you could see earlier I sing, we’ve made songs and practised them but we haven't been able to perfect them the way we want to start recording.” you took a moment, “um, i met Spencer a few years ago on our apartment roof-”

“EXCUSE ME,” Derek exclaimed with wide eyes, “you’re telling me pretty boy over here has had you as his little secret for a few YEARS?!”, Spencer chuckled.

“Three and almost a half to be exact Morgan” Spencer said with a shit-eating grin as he took a swig of your drink, you slapped him on the chest causing him to laugh.

“That’s my drink you prick!” you exclaimed with a smile, “anyway, um,” you shrugged with a laugh, “you guys are the ones who have profiling as a career you should be doing this to me not the other way around” you laughed as you looked to Gideon, the man smiled.

“You closed your eyes when you where up on stage,” Gideon started, “whatever you were singing meant alot for you to get so into it, you were looking around a lot when you where at the bar, you’re anxious”

“Of course i am, im meeting you guys for the first time,” you said with an awkward smile, okay, this was a little different than you expected.

“You also have been fiddling with a ring, signifying anxiety,” Hotch chimed in, “and biting your lip,” you pulled your lip from in between your teeth and looked at the table.

“Alright enough,” Spencer said a little harsher than he intended, “can we just, drop the profiler job for tonight and just be like normal friends?” he asked agitated, this sparked your eye and you gave Spencer a glance, he glanced back as reassurance.

“(Y/n), where do you work?” Garcia asked as a waitress brought her another drink with a little pink umbrella, you smiled as she broke the ice.

“Other than in a band I work in a vintage antique store, one of those really old ones?” you smiled, “i got Spencers first gift from that shop actually,” you smiled at the memory.

“Oh here we go,” Spencer said from beside you as he clasped his eyes shut and smiled.

“Please can i tell them!?” you exclaimed.

“Yeah go on,” Spencer said as he looked back to you and gave you a kiss on the lips.

“Woah I didn't know pretty boy ever kissed anyone, besides that one girl?” Derek said, he trailed off at the end forgetting the girl's name.

“Lila” J.J. said softly.

“Yeah Lila, the actress” Derek said.

“ANYWAY,” you exclaimed trying to get back onto the story, Derek smiled as an apology as you continued the story, “obviously Spencer here loves books,” you started, “but since he can read 20,000 words a minute there was no way i was going to get his first date present a goddam book he’d read in like an hour, so,” you smiled towards Spencer who was trying to suppress his laughing, “i got him an antique music box, i just happen across it one day when i was leaving the shop. It was sitting right on the bench, waiting for me, i opened it and started winding the handle,” you smiled as Spencer looked down at you with love and adoration, “i didn't recognise the song at first but,” you looked around the table, “you know when you get that sudden feeling, when you hear something and you just suddenly understand what it was and what it was saying?” you asked, Emily, Garcia, Hotch; all the team nodded with a knowing look, “well, it was like that. The music box was the song I played on the stage tonight, Hallelujah, and instantly I knew I had to get it for him” you heard a sniffle on the table as Garcia was wiping at her eyes.

“I’m fine! Stop looking at me like that” the girl said with a smile, “it's just really sweet”

“And this was a first date present?” Emily asked from the side, this time Spencer nodded and answered.

“I had asked (Y/n) out a week prior and we decided we just wanted it to be a nice coffee date and walk in the park, when the time finally came i bought their favourite flowers from the shop, gave them to her and then she pulled out a lovely little bag with a package in it and said ‘this is for you’.” Spencer smiled, “when i went home that night and finally looked at the present, i had the same feeling as (Y/n) did, i didn't recognise the song at first but when it got to that one single word i knew, i knew (Y/n) was the one i wanted to marry one day,” the team around you guys smiled as their favourite profiler finally got the break he deserved in life. “I called (Y/n) right after i finished listening to the music box in a mess of tears and instantly asked for a second date, luckily i was charming enough to get another one” Spencer said in a joking manner as he rubbed his finger nails on his button up shirt as yourself and Emily pushed Spencer jokingly causing everyone to laugh.

“You seem to have it all setup then Ried” Hotch said from the side, Spencer smiled and nodded as he looked at you.

“I and my Annabelle Lee,” Spencer said softly, causing you to blush, a reference to one of his favorite poems by Edgar Allen Poe.

——————————————————————————

HI IF YOU MADE IT I HOPED YOU LIKED IT.

And I hope you saw my nod to MGG at that last sentence 👀.

This was unedited. Apologies.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #x reader #derek morgan #penelope garcia #jj #emily prentiss #jason gideon #aaron hotchner #hotch #nonspecified reader #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x nonspecified reader

[kazayneo]

*runs in here* heyheyhey. im in the mood to ramble about old cringy stories and im gonna make it everyone’s problem

*cracks knuckles* so- theres a story that lingers in my mind sometimes!! its still unnamed but i consider it a main story, a story that lasted in my mind for a long time and something that is,,at least more developed than other stories haha its very loosely based off of rpg games- with classes and adventurers and monsters and magic and the like

the story centers around 6(?) main characters in an adventurer group thing they all came from different places all around the world, but through a string of coincidences, they all ended up in the middle continent oh!! and also!! theres the geography of this world theres 3 known continents, with tiny islands scattered around near them theyre all named, i just dont remember what i called them

theres the 1st continent, the one where magic is everywhere and mages thrive. in fact, most of the strongest mages are born there. its very old fashioned, maybe medieval inspired, and theres a large empire ruling it, with a royal family at it's head. power-hungry nobles fight for power, and commoners struggle below them. meanwhile, there’s a succession war going on between the empire’s 2 heirs. it’s not at it’s peak yet, but it’s still there in the background. there used to be a 3rd heir who disappeared years ago, and there are rumors of her return. who knows, though? the royal family has a lot of skeletons in their closet.

theres the 3rd continent, where magic is limited and very rare. to the point where mages are either outcasted or used as very important weapons its very futuristic, the technology is the most advanced out of the 3 continents. after all, the 3rd continent has the harshest environment out of all 3. and with its very limited natural magic, the humans living there needed to adapt to survive its a dystopian type of society with an oppressive government. but, underground and hidden away, there are many resistances plotting to take it down

and then theres the 2nd continent, the middle one where the story starts and where the main cast meet up its the one in between the 1st and 3rd continents, both physically and metaphorically theres a balance of technology and magic there the 2nd continent is divided into small villages and governments and kingdoms. the balance of magic and technology, and the ideals and laws vary between these places. but generally, they are fairly neutral

hmmm the 1st and 3rd continents are at war with eachother and even tho most people from the 2nd continent are trying to stay out of this war, they are still caught up in the crossfire, since the 2nd continent is in between the 1st and 3rd continents thats where the main cast comes in, kinda the main cast is mostly made up of characters who came from either the 1st or 3rd continents, but ran to the 2nd continent to hide, for various reasons and the rest of them are already super duper tired of the war and the way it has destroyed their land even tho the continents(nations?) all look cool on the surface, theyre all falling apart at the seams everyone just want the war to end

hmm wait i have some backstory for some of them that i remember- rima(i think her name was rima) was a talented mage who specialized in healing. she was also born in the 3rd nation she was given a choice, either join the war as a weapon or get left behind with no shelter in a world where everyone is against her and despite her prickly exterior, shes kind at heart. she would never hurt anyone if she doesnt need to and so she flees

theres also,,,healy and levin im pretty sure?? dont remember them that much healy is a blind girl born in a noble family, with levin as her guard and older brother figure. i dont exactly remember what happened, but healy betrays her family as well as the royal family, and is banished from the kingdom levin goes with her

kiki, stupid name but still, was a street kid in the 2nd nation, who survived on stealing stuff from different villages she was always on the run. maybe there were kind families who gave her shelter, but they never lasted because of the war shes seen how desperate people can get when they needed to survive in such harsh conditions, seen the destruction of the war and the effects it has on others, shes been caught in the crossfire so many times and lost so much- she promised herself never to stay still again kiki's fast and full of spite. her speed kept her alive. if shes given the chance, maybe she can outrun the war too and never feel that pain again

ooo theres also so many side characters that ended up stealing the spotlight from the main cast fun fact for the 1st nation, the one with the empire, the royal family *isnt doing so great* theres a divide between the king and queen, who married for purely political reasons and never got along well they had 2 biological children, isolde(the original one), and,,,* squints at notes * theo?? im pretty sure?? isolde was the oldest one, with theo being the 2nd one. they grew up together, just them against the world until * insert political thing that i completely forgot * happened and isolde is banished from the kingdom because the empire has a system in place where the royals are required to have 2 heirs, so that they can have a succession war to place the strongest as the ruler, there needed to be a 2nd heir after isolde was banished so they adopted rose, an orphan with incredible magic and talent. rose is the youngest child

what happened to isolde? she fled to take refuge in the 3rd nation, the only nation who agreed to take in the banished princess no kingdom from the 2nd nation agreed to do so, because they were afraid of becoming enemies to the 1st nation isolde agreed to join the war as a combat medic and a strategist for the 3rd nation, rising up the ranks super quickly and eventually landing a position as the head healer this is all hidden from the royal family back in the 1st nation, before they eventually find her on the battlefield, on the other side (maybe)

oh and also!! the royal family mm so remember the conflict between the king and queen? yea. they both played the funky favorites game since isolde inherited the queen's incredibly strong healing magic, she was the queen's favorite. isolde reminded the queen of herself, since isolde grew up naive and cheerful and kind. the queen wanted to protect that innocence. but naivety doesnt last long in war and the king's favorite was rose, the orphan he personally picked as a potential heir. like the queen and isolde, rose reminded the king of himself, because she grew up in hopeless circumstances that made her form a hard and prickly shell to survive. and despite that, rose still had the motivation to rise up. the king respects that. and so rose is his favorite theo is kinda just,,caught in the middle. hes the middle child, the mediator, the golden child who is somehow still forgotten by everyone

and yknow the kingdom that the family rules? everyone there have kinda,,extreme thoughts on both princesses some love isolde and hate rose. these are the ones who are in full support of the queen some love rose and hate isolde. these are the ones who support the king but everyone has good opinions on theo. hes just the universal ":D" yknow? most people expected him to be the future ruler. and maybe it gets exhausting, always being the neutral one. hes tired and lonely, he misses isolde and he cant get to rose no matter how hard he tries man he just wants a happy family again HAJSKAHKAS

ohh and theres also the side characters from the 3rd nation theres a lot of resistances against the oppressive government, but theres a big resistance that the government is the most determined to squash it started out small, with maybe 6-7 people in it. these are the og members. theyre the leaders of the current resistance (maybe theres some parallels to the main cast?)

but back when they were 1st starting to get big, one of the og members went missing after a mission his name,,,,dave. lets call him dave. dave was captured and force to join the government or else,,,something back happens im pretty sure but idk and so dave cooperates with them and years and years go by, when the og members are forced to move on and prioritize the movement. they shifted into a new dynamic, one without their friend. but things were never the same

until one day, one of them find dave on the other side of the battlefield, wearing the uniform of the governemnt's millitary everything stops for just a moment, as the leaders look at him in shock then, screams and cries ring around them, and they look around to see that they are surrounded dave turns away (thats when the resistance leaders and most of its members are captured. dave is a traitor. or is he? dun dun dun)

#copied straight from discord babyyyy #wow this is long HJKSHKDAHSKDS #i loved this story back then #maybe i'll come back to it again in the future? who knows #bongo writes #yes indeed i created this so that i dont have to spam every single time a friend agrees to listen to me #heeyyy pspspspsp babes from the gc if you're reading this hello

[mxrcayong]

tag game; the interview

Tagged by: @lucas-wongs

Tagging: @pastelsicheng @kopikokun @stayinzencity  @urlocalnctstan @sunflowerhae 

n. 1 | Why did you chose your URL?

I kind of combined all the NCT members who got me really involved with NCT in the first place. So namely, the person who peeked my interest in NCT was Taeyong after my friend showed me his solo stuff and black-on-black but my first ultimate bias was Mark and then my friend’s bias (who showed me Taeyong) was Lucas (and he later became one of my major biases) So it was mxr for Mark, ca for Lucas, and yong for Taeyong (so I pronounce it mark-ah-yong) And then I was debating changing it now that I’m basically biased for all 23 members (some to different extents to others but I’m always tied with like 7 people for ultimates) but then it just felt catchy and I didn’t think I could come up with a better name than that that isn’t taken already.

n. 2 | Any side blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them?

Initially no. Technically this is my side blog. I had a private personal blog I used to treat as a journal but then after too long with my focus on NCT and way too many “I am following you, just in a personal blog”, I basically wiped it and turned it into a random blog where I repost content that excites me / stories I like to read / whatever I want thats less personal and depressing as it was before haha… It’s @mxrcayong-main. TBH the main reason was to build better relationships with my mutuals - like they never see if I read their posts or like their stuff because my personal blog was just strange and I didnt want people to really see it. 

n. 3 | How long have you been on Tumblr?

Honestly…very long. This blog hasn’t been too long though. This started as an NCT blog March 2020, but my first ever post was about Sehun in February 2020 (which was supposed to be a one off post haha). I once had a 5SOS blog, and then a Tom Holland one, and then now this haha. I have deleted the 5SOS one, unable to delete the Tom Holland one bc I lost access to it, and now I am on this :) I low key wanted to regain access to my Tom Holland one because I’m simping again but I lost details to the email I signed it up to.  

n. 4 | Do you have a queue tag?

I have a queue post? Does this count? 

n. 5 | Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Honestly, it was the first lockdown and I was bored. 

n. 6 | Why did you choose your icon / pfp?

For the Lucas one; I liked the aesthetic. My favorite kind of aesthetic is this vintage, faded, film kind of look. For me, I think one of the most profound and important things we have as humans are these vivid memories so any photo that kind of mimics this feel is super gorgeous to me. Also Lucas is stunning.

I used to have a Haechan matching aesthetic to the Lucas one, but I recently decided to turn it blue. I chose Mark because I’m the biggest simp for him (alongside with Jeno and Haechan mostly). This is purely because blue is one of my favorite colors; it always calms me down, and I just thought the aesthetic and composition of this photo really pleases me. Like, it also fits my vibe a bit more of the ‘softie’ and my friend even says I fit the ‘blue vibe’ more idk haha. I just come onto Tumblr for escapism and write for escapism, and blue helps calm me down so I wanted this escapism to be calming y’know haha 

n. 7 | Why did you chose your header?

I don’t have one!

n. 8 | What’s your post with the most notes?

My post with the most notes….honestly isn’t one im the happiest with but someone requested it so I tried to do it justice but idk I dont like writing fics too far in the future yk?? but the one with the second most notes that I really love is called “Come Home To Me” 

n. 9 | How many mutuals do you have?

I can probably count on one hand haha I want to get to know people, but I’m really scared to. I gotta say tho, I’m so grateful for all the mutuals I have - but especially @pastelsicheng and @kopikokun because they really stuck with me through some bad times I’ve had. also, tons of love for @sunflowersora for being my first supporter on this app and low key motivation to keep staying on the app <3 

n. 10 | How many followers do you have?

Just around 200, so not too much compared to others, but I still can’t believe that there’s 200 people who like my stuff. 

n. 11 | How many people do you follow?

A lot! 

n. 12 | Have you ever made a shit post?

…probably? 

n. 13 | How often do you use tumblr each day?

When I don’t have exams, I use it everyday. Just because I’m in a somewhat bad headspace right now, I check it maybe every second day or just have shorter use sessions. But when I have exams, maybe once a week or two weeks. 

n. 14 | Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

Not really? 

n. 15 | How do you feel about “you need to compare this” posts?

I’ve never seen these posts but the title suggests that I’d dislike them. Especially with the words “you need to”. Like, let people live how they want to; don’t compare to others. 

n. 16 | Do you like tag games?

I really do! Honestly, I have to say I still don’t feel like I belong on the Tumblr community? Like I feel like I’m a newbie still finding their place. Theres a lot of times where I question that if I just leave, no one would be excited to see my posts anyway / no one will notice. So having tag games just kind of reminds me of the moots I’ve made who are a big part in making me feel like I have a place here <3 

n. 17 | Do you like ask games?

I haven’t done one yet!! I want to do it but I’m just nervous I won’t get any responses? 

n. 18 | Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

…All of them lol. I think @pastelsicheng is hella known for the murder replay story she did and I was a huge fan of a lot of them before they followed me back

n. 19 | Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Not a crush-crush but a platonic crush? Idk if its a common idea but basically like “holy shit I wanna get to know them” but i have social anxiety lol

#watercooler

[irregulardiaryposts]

23:28 11/05/2021

sooooo uhhhhh,, its chewsday innit.i have no idea what my life is anymore. like what do i even do?? i have no idea how i would describe myself to someone else and thats sort scary yk. like how am i supposed to like myself if i dont know who i am? n e way enough existentialismmmmmm ice gotten more unconditional uni offers which im dead proud of like who wouldve thought I wouldve been able to do this. if only i couldve seen myself like 4 years ago i would be shocked. i mean most of it would make sense but like i didnt even think id live this long tbh. i dont think about that enough the fact i couldnt see myself getting older and doing 'grown uo things' because i thought i would never get through the present. that sounds real sad wow. 

lets talk about something else, perhaps how i believe myself to be far too impulsive for my own good and never thinking anything through twice. like ive just tried to revamp my whole room coz i was unhappy with it. i tried to chalk it up to just wanting a better desk and suddenly ive thrown away half my furniture and my room looks empty affff. but its ok since it already looks kinda better everything's cleaner now too. 

i went into my backgarden today and i picked all the uhhh my laptop almost died on me there i realised my things at full brightness anyway yes i went and picked the uh dandelions? the yellow chucky ones and some daisies and i made some flower chains and stuff and hung them in my room even though theyre gonna die idrc becuase they still look kinda cute, i keep patching my uni prep class becuase icba going but i still need to set up student loans and shit and actually confirm my choice for uni too omfg so much work and also need to start teaching msyelf the theory sruff for my driving thingytghing 

i was just looking back at another post before i started typing this and i was talking about how i dont really espress myself all too well through my apppearance and things i can personalise to me and i feel like ive gotten a lot better at that coz i recently chucked away a lot of clothes i dont wear and my mum bought me new stuff and im dead chuffed coz im far more confident in them and theyre far more comfy too :) ive also stopped wearing bras with wires and padding in them coz fuck all that shit i no longer care if people see my nipples becuase its not worth the actual pain from and improperly fitting bra which all of them are on me ............................................  

ive been listening to some NEW music lately just from my discover weekly stuff and its been pretty fuckign spot on with the shit i wanna listen to but i wish itd let me save each week as like a diff playlist but ive just been adding my favs to my other playlists feel like ive been piecing myself together bit by bit after not having the right pieces for years. 

anyway future me or whoever listen to 'them changes' by thunder someone or other because i think im a little bit obssesed atm hehehehehhehehehesjnjndkb LJBSCLVJBs jbs c' CKJBDKjkbckj  sh. i feel a bit like a fraud tho ngl like as tho im waiting for the other shoe to drop and find out im actaully lying about being a functioning human being for longer than like 5 days in the past 3/4 years. did that make sense idk im justsaying i feel a bit fake and that next time i feel a bit d y s f u n c t i o n a l its gonna hit really fucking hard and its gonna take a lot to get over it idk maybe im just being pessimistic or smth have a tendency to do that. 

also ive completely given up with school i have less than a month left and i cannot be fucked doing any more work than is necessary to pass ie only doing the test things and pretending to know what im doing in class no studying no homework none of that bs i would rather break my toes ..  

ive wrote like 3800 characters thats like maybe 800 words isssshhh idk man considering ive wrote w shit like wbsihizjbk ziSJNlcjb alknfbv ajn jankbdv. you know , . i dont really know what im rambing about anymore nothing has realliy progressed that much do idk what to say ill come back maybe when im at uni :O beye

#this is the most incomprehensivle shit ive eveer written #who lets me do this' #i do i do this #tags are so fun what the heck' #jhbk SD CJSK #im looking at all the typos in this and i feel absolutely no shame #my keyboad simple doenst understand my dancing fingers #anyway gn #also additional little thing at 00.01 i found out today that p!nk and pink floyd are NOT th e same thing #hi future me here to fix typos turns out i Do in fact Feel Shame #anyway #may 2021 entry #2021 the year of fun

[kristalpepsi]

hello! i dont wanna seem like im bein rude but im just curious, what u have against ships with kris? IM NOT SAYIN ITZ BAD!!! im just curious is all... AND IM SORRY OF I PHRASED THIS REALLY BADLY, i just dont wanna follow you in case i make you uncomfortable (mainly cuz i kin kris and hc them as an enby lesbian...) and i wanna just make sure before hand!

Hey!! Ok so the ships i lstd in my bio is very spcfc bc- well 1st thngs 1st, hewwo, i’m a fictive! I’m not kin of kris, i am an intrjct of kris deltarune dreemurr, i’m in a system 👀 i wnt go on abt it 2 much in case u already kno what a system is/what fictives/introjects r

Tbh i cant stop u frm intrctng w me, b the rsns i mentioned these ships spscfclly is bc

1) Krisei = i c ralsei 2 b RLLY close 2 my bro he looks likes asriel n it makes me feel Rlly Weird, n half the ships that hav me n him r me being hyper feminzd or vice versa n thats wild, b the biggst rsn is that ralsei looks like asriel n is implied 2 b asriel, thats Wack, very wack

2) Krisriel = we are SIBLINGS, just bc its not by blood dsnt mean were nt fmly?? I kno u ddnt say u ship this, b 4 those who do, yall sick, n thats so not fair 2 adopted kids worldwide yo

3) Krusie = My rsns 4 this r less concrete if i were a singlet, b as a fictive i c her as Only my best friend, n if yall ship me w her, my big fear is ppl comin 2 my blog lookin 4 that content n tagging my posts as a ship when i mean it in a friend way. If yall ship this i dnt h8 u b like, im prsnlly uncomfy EDIT Jan 2021: PS. I alrdy said it in a ‘future’ post aftr thise ws made, b if ur a fictive n ur canon involvd krusie thn I’m ok w tht! we cnt chnge our canons n havin tht b ur canon is compltly diffrnt thn if u were a Singlet comin up 2 my blog shippin in instd of livin it- idk if thise mkes sens

4) kruselle = While i did hav a crush on Noelle in my prsnl canon @ som point, i dnt like the ship rn (PRSNLLY) bc i 100% fully support a gay lesbian couple out here, + ive met a susie who dates a noelle. Also in my canon prsnlly my Susie n Noelle tried gttng 2gthr/got 2gthr n i jst dnt feel the same way anymr. Meta-wise, i kno its jst a theory, i knda like, dnt wnna take away that gay rep, idk, prsnlly i jst feel weird seeing art of us tgthr, i dnt feel the sme anymr abt my Noelle esp bc Susie n her got 2gthr

5) krusielle = we r all friends n u think i dnt c the parts of the fandom that sexualzs thise? I Rlly Do, can we not b highschoolrs n not b all frnds

Disclaimer: i said it earlier b ill say it again, i’m b a fictive/intrjct of my source, b as a Kris/as myself, n since ur askin me prsnlly this is my rsns,,, if u shipped me w litrlly any1 else i wldnt care DLJEKSJJ ive seen shippings of me n berdly n i spprt. N b4 i get bumped, if ur a fictive who likes these ships or r in these ships, dnt take my word as law bc again these r based on my prsnl stuff n my canon, mayb in ur canon the ship is 100% or even did happen, i wldnt b mad @ u 4it tht wld b weird

The only ships i 100% condemn in krisei n krisriel, n u cant chnge my mind im srry

Thanks 4 being consdr8 enough 2 ask tho :,^/ im srry if somwer here ininvalid8d smth if u like 1 of these shps

It dsnt mean its wrng (unless its krisei or krisriel) i jst have very strng prsnl feelings abt it

#ask #anon #ships #if any1 mentions lancer... yall #ill jst sigh

[victorzsasz]

big long rant under here just about Joel and things... 

I was so close to reaching out again, I really think I should but I’m scared... I’m scared of what I’d do if it goes badly, like... I nearly killed myself twice over this, and idk... even with the support of my friend, I feel like I wont make it a third time. 

It’s clear that theres a big miscommunication between us. I honestly thought he meant forever, he didnt mean temporarily like he claimed in his rant, he meant never talk about yakuza to him ever, and I extended that to all my previous and future and other hyperfixations. I honestly thought he wanted me to stop info dumping and sharing my opinions and love for whatever Im hyperfixated on.... almost like thats exactly what happened before with another group of friends that he knew about, and knew how much it hurt me and was triggering for me but whatever. He never communicated anything about how he was doing beyond maybe saying he was stressed, how was I supposed to know all the bad shit that was going on in his life if he wouldnt fuckin tell me?! riddle me that! I think he only mentioned one thing about something to do with his apartment app being sent to the wrong place or submitted wrong or something like that, and he mentioned how much the movers costed. I only found out about his family when he got mad at me about my hyperfixation stuff, and I respectfully really slowed down and calmed down and even made a completely separate thing just so I could respect him and the boundaries he set but ookkkaayyy.... Like yeah, I know I’m not the best at communicating either, but at least I tried... Also, he fuckin clearly knows nothing about hyperfixations and what they are, I tried explaining once but I’m not the best at language, but like... theyre not coping mechanisms, it has nothing to do with mental illness, I wasnt dumping my mental health on him or whatever. Hyperfixations are just something I do as someone (Im almost certain is but never got tested) on the autism spectrum. its part of my personality and always has been?? Its really only something I do to people I trust and feel comfortable with because well... it made me loose all my friends in the past so now Im very closed off about it. I also do it on the internet but thats different.  I even 99% of the time restrained from talking about my TC hyperfixation because I just didnt think he was interested in that stuff and didnt want to hear about it and I didnt want to trigger him. Id tell him some small things sometimes if I just really wanted to tell someone about it, and id always make sure he was okay with me telling him about it before I told him.... Not that he ever really seemed to care about anything I told him... Also, hated how he acted like he himself isnt petty when like...the only way he couldve seen anything he talked about, hed have to go months through tweets or posts just to find anything.... alright... also hes done a fuckton of petty stuff, like yeah I can be petty at time but dont act like youre not or youre above it. Also, like the reblogs werent guilt trip things?? Im sorry I wanted to fuckin express my feelings on my own personal blog???? thats honestly how I felt because I have fuckin bad depression, and trauma??? especially when it comes to discussing my interests??? He was the only person I talked a lot to about my hyperfixations, and so like.... of course I felt isolated and alone and like I had no one to talk to, because he was the only one and he never shared the same amount of interest in it (because hes neurotypical) and I just felt like I was annoying him and he couldnt relate so even tho I was messaging him about it, I still felt alone and like I had no one to talk to about it that could relate or anything like that. I legit had one friend, of course I felt alone. I honestly would like to apologise about how sometimes Id say lame or nerd or something like that after youd share stuff you liked, they were always meant as jokes, and im sorry if they didnt always come off as them. I shouldve specified they were or said jk jk all the time or something like that. I guess my stupid brain just always thought you knew as well?? theyre not very funny jokes anyways, and Im sorry... not that theres anyway you can see this... i dont think? theres still a lot I feel and want to say, but this is long enough already and I want to play stardew valley and i know you wont see this so like... whats the point besides getting my personal venting out

#long post #tbh followers dont bother reading this its just me venting

[one-abuse-survivor]

Tired is when you're sick of life, or feel weighed down by the stuff around you. Sleepy is when you want to go to bed. That's how me and my friend do it, anyhow. At this point, I'm fucking exhausted to the point where I feel too tired to let it out but im gonna anyways. There's bits in here that I can't tell my friend, or anyone, so i'm hoping bc this is anonymous i can let it out. Right, intro done lol. Onto the story. Last night, i have no idea what time, maybe five or six, (all i know is this

thing ended at 7pm), my mom storms out of the room and comes back holding a bottle of water and her bag. She proceeds to tell my dad she found the bottle at the bottom of my bed, (basically im not supposed to have anything at the bottom of my bead bc asian tradition believes that youre on top of it and thats dirty or whatever). Then she pulls out my school photo, puts it on the table and tells my dad to look at it. Starts ranting about how I never listen, i look horrible, worst photo i've ever taken. 

Basically, I go to a private school, and they think I should look good, and then they spent some time lecturing me about how i was supposed to look right when i was in the school, I look like a boy, i act like a boy, my hair's a mop, I look like a hooligan. Start talking about when i dress to go to school, how my shoes aren't polished and one of them has laces that show the white inner. How my hair's messy at the back, if i saw someone in jeans and someone in a suit in the street, who would i think was respectful? They told me they shouldn't have let me into the school, they loved me too much, that's why, they should have let me go to this public school that has a reputation for being a mess, that i belong there, waste of money, they regret letting me go here, thought i was a respectable girl. 

Dad asked me again, who wouldd i think was respectful, the jeans or the suit, and I told him I don't know. We'll get to that later, but at that moment he sneered and snorted and looked at my mom. 'says she doesnt know' he jeers. I'd meant it as in 'i have no idea, please help me'. He took it as 'she doesn't know, and doesn't give a fuck'. I don't know how to look proper. they never taught me. they tell me that something looks good so i wear it. mom still buys my clothes for me. I have no fucking clue what looks proper and what doesn't. 

Anyways, somehow they moved onto uni, and my current work, and how I pull all-nighters and how dad thought i was smart but nopw he has no hope, how he sees me get up in the morning and know i'm going to fail the assessment, how i get distracted, how i take too long to shower, how i never learn, how i never help them around the house, they do everything for me and if he was in my shoes then he would work until 'smoke came out' (vietnamese saying), how he would be so grateful but i'm not and they're going to leave me (which is a normal threat for them lol) and how they're going to die (another normal threat, dad has a lifelong illness and mom has been struggling with leukaemia for years) and they're not going to pay for uni if i get a stupid degree, only if i get a good degree like they want which will actually help me (law), if i want to become an engineer (something im considering) then i can pay for it myself, then again it's not like i'm even going to get into uni, when they look at me, they have to think of the girl i was when i was five because if they think about me now they feel sad, they won't look at me because I make them sad, they had so much hope for me, now down the drain, no, down to the sewers, look at my cousins going out, one of them had piercings and infections and almost got tattoos and is a nurse in a prison with a husband who stressed her out so much she passed out at work, do i want that, that's what i will get if i dont work, basd job, assisstants have to buy pads for their bosses, horrible child, this will end one of two ways, one i listen to them and come back years later to thank them or i'll look up at the stars and wish that i'd listened to them and they regret having me and caring for me, if only they'd been better parents, they'd been too lenient, but i don't care do i because if i cared it'd show in my working to please them and i haven't done that so that means i don;t care about them.

Dad told me it was too late to change, then switches to tell me it's not too late, they ramble on about my internet use, (i have to ask them for internet) and i'm not acutlalyu doping work on it, i'm just fucking around, they kjnow, they know, i can lie all i want nbut it's true. Horrible child, they'll die, they'll die, That's the end of the conversation, we're not going to talk about it anymore. No, stop talking. I'm going to tell you this until i die. I'm going to keep saying it, beccause it's better that i say it and you not listen than i dont say it and regret not saying it. (okay, i can;t currently remember anything else of what they said lol.). By the way, you wanna know abt

[asks didn’t arrive and I asked for the last bit again]

ok lets hope to god this sends then. i think i know where i was up to - 'do you want to know about what was wrong with the photo' i think was meant to be that. anyways, yeah. guess what was wrong with it. i had a fucking splinge. like my hair was parted and a bit of the part was split. that's all i can see that's wrong with it. maybe my hair looked oily? idk but that's all i noticed. also said something after that about do u remember when dad asked me abt who did i think looked better the suit.

also can i add something i just remembered which is that one of them put folders on my shelf and mom told me she knew i put them there to hide what i was looking at on my laptop from her when i??? didnt??? put them??? there??? in the first place???? (the layout of my room allows the folders to block the view of someone from the door basically) i put new folders there after i think my dad put them there but i didnt originally put them there??? sorry it was a full ask rant and i have no idea what the freak i typed and what i didnt lol. but u get the gist i think. big fat lecture.

i am tired. my eyes were puffy and there was like this pool of snot floating on top of this pool of tears if you did get the ask sorry u had to read that twice. :(. i mean even tho u didnt see it i was able to let it all out. not sure if it made me feel better about anything but being able to do it at all is rlly nice. Thank you for that.

-----

No wonder you’re tired, nonnie... I’m really glad you could get all of this off your chest, and really sorry that you have to hear those awful things about yourself coming from your parents.

I’m a white European, so I don’t share many of your experiences and I don’t know how it is to live in a Vietnamese family, but I hope it’s okay to compare it a little bit with my experiences in my (very Christian) family--if not, you can absolutely skip the next paragraph! 

I have had a bunch of conversations with my therapist about traditions, religion, and misogyny, because since I cut my mother off, my grandfather has lectured me many times about how I am a bad daughter for looking out for myself and putting my life first instead of being devoted to my mother’s wants and needs. He told me that she’s sick and I’m horrible for not caring about that and abandoning her, and that if she doesn’t love me, I just have to work harder until I "crack her walls”. (As if I haven’t tried already, and as if she didn’t use her very mental illness as an excuse to abuse me). My therapist basically told me that sometimes, being the Disney villain in some people’s stories means you’re doing something right, because their vision of what’s right and what’s wrong (especially when it comes to daughters and women in general) is designed to hurt you, to make you put your family before yourself. That it’s never wrong to put yourself and your needs first, and that kids don’t owe their parents anything just because the parents brought them into this world--that was the parents’ choice, not the kid’s, and therefore it’s the parents’ responsibility to care for their kid, whoever that kid turns out to be; and not the kid’s responsibility to be the model child that the parents had in mind or to care for them.

Your parents belittling you for things you have little to no control over and accusing you of being responsible for their future deaths, for not knowing things that haven’t been explained to you, for not living up to their expectations without even giving you a chance to try, and for not “working for them as hard as they would in your place”, are all red flags of emotional abuse. Accusing you of things you don’t do and constantly drilling into your mind that they “know” you’re a horrible person who doesn’t want to learn or change is a red flag too, and probably an excuse to take the guilt off their shoulders for not taking the time to guide you in life and to explain anything to you before accusing you of not knowing it already. “It’s too late” puts the blame on you, but what it actually means is probably something along the lines of “It’s easier to scream at you than to put realistic expectations on you and then help you achieve them while respecting your boundaries and allowing you to make mistakes, but I don’t want to feel guilty about it, so let’s pretend you’re a lost cause, yeah?”

I used to go to a private school too, and my mother repeatedly told me that was the reason she struggled economically and that I had ruined her life. It wasn’t until I talked about it in therapy that I realised that I never had a choice in what school I went to. Same as I never had a choice in anything my mother decided for me. So how could I be to blame for the consequences of those decisions? And how can you? If they buy you certain clothes, then they have no right to criticise how you look in them. If they chose to put you in a private school, then the money spent is on them, not you. You shouldn’t have to “prove” you’re worth their decisions for you or their basic care for you--they chose to give you that unconditionally the moment they decided to have you in the first place, and if they refuse to give it or threaten to take it away, it’s becuase they’re neglectful and/or abusive, not because something intrinsic about you justifies it. You’re not a bad kid; you’re just a normal kid with very bad parents. And I’m really sorry that you have to put up with them. You deserve better 😔

I’m here if you need to vent again in the future, nonnie. Sending a virtual hug ❤

#Anonymous #Vent #Ask #Abuse tw #Abuse #Abusive parents #Emotional abuse #Long post #Threats #Guilt tripping #guilt tripping tw #Threats tw #therapy mention #christianity mention #neglect mention #(I'm nonbinary btw but it's not like my grandfather knows or would care 🙃)

[foegold]

people be wanting to know about a lil blue bastard. this ones long as hell so its under the cut jsdhfg

Your character wasn’t an adventurer, what livelihood would they lead?

farmer! he’d just keep living the way he’d been living. it’s the sort of life he imagines he’ll return to one day, after he’s seen and done enough. ‘enough’ is a really arbitrary end goal though

Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life?

who in the party wouldn’t he trust with his life tbh. in the most literal sense he’d trust Eli with it just because he knows Eli can bring him back from dying in some stupid and ill-advised way

What are your character’s core moral beliefs?

frogs are good, try to be nice to people but if they’re mean to you first then at least a few bets are off, the rich should probably be eaten. killing is sometimes necessary but maybe try some other stuff first

What relationship does your character have with their parents and siblings?

he doesn’t have any siblings, and his relationship with his mom and recently present dad is. a little weird, and not all the way comfortable, and not like really bad, but just confusing? it’s confusing. at least he’s had more transparency from his mom recently than just about any other time. it’s a start

Does your character have any biases for or against certain races?

he trusts other tieflings a little quicker than other races but its not really saying much because he’s not smart and if you’re good at talking and sound like you know what you’re talking about he’ll just believe you. he doesn’t have the good sense to second think it without prompting

What is your character’s opinion on nobility? On authority?

so far just about every interaction with nobility has been messy or bad or scary or all three so right now the opinion is “not great”. also thats just too much money. whaddahell would you do with that much money.  he’s generally uneasy with authority figures at best, and flat out paralyzed by them at worst. he’s easy to bully when he doesn’t have anyone backing him up and he knows and hates it

Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc.

he cycles through an assortment of sweaters but the one he wears the most is the heart sweater he got in Wunjo that’s been altered a few times in the last few months. he do keep collecting those scars tho, before starting adventuring he had a handful of minor scars just from working around the farm with the animals and the equipment and from romping around in the country. now he’s got all sorts, but the most prominent ones are: the thin scar on the left side of his face, starting just below the eyebrow and curving gently below his eye (the last time Leo would leave a mark on him); the twisted angry scars across his torso from being mauled by a giant undead horse(?); and the fluid, patterned necromancy scars slowly spreading across his back, creeping along inch by inch

What location encountered in the campaign has your character felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most?

besides his own house, Roman’s house has been the nicest! its warm and theres soup and friends there. there was a run down little ranch house somewhere at some point, but he’s not so sure anymore that he didn’t just dream about fixing the place up with his best friend

What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship?

he doesn’t have a god he actively worships, but he’s peripherally aware of the god in the mountains that’s responsible for some of the most brutal storms in the region. he doesn’t care much about religion but hes got the same amount of concern most people would have about evil deities and what their followers do

If your character had time to pick up any artisan’s tools, game set, instrument, etc., what would it be?

probably woodworking! its handy, it’s useful for living out in the country where you have to either make the tools or furniture or fun items to put on a shelf you want, or go out of your way and also spend money to get them. maybe an actual alchemy set and/or poison kit but 1) playing with poison just a fun hobby for him and Xan to get into when they have the time and the plants for it, and 2) man he wouldnt follow the instruction manual anyway so whats the point

What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?)

will his friends be okay? will he be okay? is there an FAQ for tieflings learning that they’re much closer to fiend lineage than they originally thought? that would be convenient and helpful. is john gonna figure out more about the little men named ‘adam’ that’re allegedly everywhere?  if he could know one thing about the future, he’d like to know if everything will end out okay. if things will turn out as nice as he’d like them to.

What colors are associated with your character?

looks at the camera like im on the office

blue, white, and black are the big ones but im trying to pepper in a few other colors. reds and yellows are a close second

Who in the party would your character prioritize rescuing, in dire circumstances?

everyone sits squarely in the #1 spot on the rescue list

that aside john and roman are extremely high priority, they’re not the sturdiest and if something looked at them too hard they might keel over. baster and xan come next, he knows baster’s a shit brick house but he keeps seeing bad things happen to her and really hes just had Enough of it. eli’s a little lower priority because they can heal themselves if they’re in a tight spot, and then blu considers himself least concern. he knows he can get thrashed around some and still survive, he’d rather take a beating and know he’ll walk out of it than let someone else take it and wind up dead

Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos?

pathos, it’s easy to make him feel for u. legit any of them work though as long as you talk it up good enough he’ll believe you and if there aren’t any glaring conflicts between what you’re selling him and his base morals then it’s relatively easy to get him on board

If your character was granted a single use of Wish, what would they use it for?

idk probably something really simple that he put all of .5 of a second of thought into. hes not smart and doesnt have good foresight so he’d probably ask for a frog or smth unless there was something very much more pressing and present

What is your character’s favorite spell? If they don’t use spells: what is their favorite personal weapon/combat maneuver/skill/etc.?

favorite(?) spell is life transference. it hurts a bit but it keeps his friends safe so it’s worth it. invisibility is up there too, its fun and easy to steal from stores when ur not visible

How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party?

he doesn’t like lying and also lies really poorly. he’s usually just honest from the get-go, its easier and feels better. if he has to lie its through omission, bold faced lies really just dont work

What type of creature in the world is your character the most intrigued by?

all sorts....bro the world is full of animals and lots of them like to be pet

When they were a child, what did your character want to be, or think they were going to be, when they grew up?

he thought he’d grow up and be a farmer like his mom, the adventuring thing was extremely unplanned and impromptu. he hoped he could be a kind and brave person though, the way Canna described his dad.

The player character to your left admits that they’re passionately in love with your character. How would your character respond?

random roll says it’s Roman, he’d probably laugh because the only reason that would happen is because the party is fooling around with potions again. Roman’s very married and very in love with his husband and makes sure everyone knows it all the time

If somebody (an NPC, someone from their backstory, etc.) your character trusts/loves asked your character to do something against the party’s best interest, who would they side with?

that doesn’t seem like a very viable circumstance, the only npc thats important enough that he’d listen to for something like that is his mom and she actively encourages him to take care of himself and his friends, and lets him make his own decisions about what he’s doing with his life, so

What unusual talents does your character possess?

idk if its all that unusual of a talent but he got really good at stealing and pickpocketing and he can do a sick flip. also does some black magic sometimes

What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?)

it’s his name, u kno. bluebell is his middle name, but Canna called him bluebell growing up and he latched onto it a lot more than arden, and he thinks its a nice name, and a nice flower, and it sure would be nice if people would stop laughing when he introduces himself as “Blu”,

(blu was originally a stand-in name until i named him something else but it really grew on me and it fit him so! it didnt change, he just got other names too)

What major arcana tarot card best represents your character?

The Moon. 👀

What is your character’s relationship with magic? Are they scared of it, wish to know more about it, indifferent to it?

he’s def scared of magic sometimes, especially his own. he also really wants to understand it better though, and be less scared, or at least control it better. imo it’s a healthy fear, theres been lots of magic mishaps 

How did your character learn the languages that they speak?

he learned common and infernal from mom! and he’s learning draconic from xan. it’s a nice downtime activity, sit down with ur best friend and homie and learn a new language just for fun

#asks #hohg.....thats a lot of questions lksjflsahfdg #c: blu

[alukaforyou]

and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

#.txt

[k-drabblings]

only then (pt. 5)

KIM JIWON (BOBBY) X READER Type | Genre: badboy au | fluff/angst Word Count: 1663 A/N: I thought this was much longer than 1.6k words... Guess not.  Also I do update very very slow, I know. It’s mostly because I have no idea what to write next, and I don’t want to write nonsense. So thank you for your patience. I hope this doesn’t disappoint!  To be honest, it feels a little weird to write about Hanbin after the huge scandal, but it felt weirder leaving him out of the story after including him in the beginning.

Also wtf happened to line breaks? Why is that not an option anymore? This sucks.

part one two three four

Jiwon looked at the well healed scar on his arm fondly, running his finger along the raised ridge. His smile couldn’t help but widen as his phone buzzed. 

[23:22] y/n: i can’t sleep [23:22] jiwon: y? [23:22] jiwon: cause ur too excited to be talking to me? [23:23] y/n: ... zzz ...  [23:23] y/n: o look i fell asleep

He chuckled. Within a matter of days, teasing had already become part of their regular banter. So cute.

[23:23] jiwon: ...  [23:23] jiwon: do u think ur funny or something bc let me tell u rn that u r not [23:23] jiwon: boooooooo [23:24] y/n: if im so unfunny then y r u texting me hmm HMM??? [23:24] jiwon: cause i pity u [23:24] y/n: ...  [23:24] y/n: GOODNIGHT

Even though he knew was joking, his fingers still quickly scrambled to reply. 

[23:24] jiwon: im just kidding!! [23:24] jiwon: ur funny sometimes [23:24] jiwon: a little bit [23:24] jiwon: real little [23:25] y/n: then go talk to ur other super exciting and funny friends y dont u [23:25] jiwon: now dont be jealous [23:25] jiwon: the more time u spend with me the more exciting and fun u become [23:25] y/n: ive only seen u like 3x [23:25] jiwon: thats y ur so not funny

His finger hovered over the keyboard, wondering if he should type out the next line. He knew it was probably a bad idea, but he couldn’t help himself. Fuck it. He firmly pressed the upward arrow.

[23:26] jiwon: so i guess we’ve come to the logical conclusion that we should hang out more [23:26] y/n: i guess we have

You felt bold as you sent that last message. Was this considered flirting? You hadn’t known that your heart rate could increase so much within a mere 4 minutes. The past few nights had consisted of increasingly witty and teasing messages - messages that got your heart racing, your face flushing, and your imagination going a little crazy. Nothing even close to romantic had happened between you and him, and yet your ridiculous mind was coming up with possible scenarios that could maybe (just maaaybe) happen in the nearby future. You felt like an silly high schooler again, getting too easily excited over someone you barely knew. You didn’t even know how exactly how old he was or what he did for living. 

But all those unanswered questions just made you more excited - kind of like a good mystery book you just didn’t want to put down. 

[23:27]: jiwon: ok so whens ur next day off

Your breath hitched. You were off the upcoming Thursday, which was in 2 days. You hadn’t expected the next time you were going to see Jiwon to come so soon. You were used to seeing him like twice a month. You knew you could simply lie and give him your next day off, which was in a week or so, but you knew you didn’t want to wait that long.

[23:28] y/n: thursday [23:28] jiwon: ok cool so ill see u then [23:28] jiwon: and if ur busy... [23:28] jiwon: make yourself unbusy thanks

Your lips curled into a smile. How could someone this cute possibly be bad news? 

“You’re distracted, Hyung.” Donghyuk mumbled quietly so Hanbin wouldn’t hear. 

“Hm?” Jiwon murmured. “Nah, I’m good.”

Donghyuk’s eyes narrowed as he carefully tried to peer over Jiwon’s shoulder to see what was keeping him so preoccupied.  A girl’s name. He rolled his eyes. He was more than willing to bet that this was the same girl that had so nicely bandaged Jiwon up that rainy night. “Let’s keep outsiders... outsiders, okay, Hyung?” Donghyuk warned in a hushed tone.

Jiwon immediately shut off his phone screen and gave his younger friend a long hard stare. “I’m not fucking stupid, okay?”

And of course, despite Donghyuk’s words, he still went to see her on Thursday. They met up later in the afternoon, mainly because he slept in well into the afternoon. Since he did his work mainly at night, his sleeping schedule tended to be slightly off. When he woke up, you were getting some errands done - groceries and such. That gave him some time to get dressed and ready - he wanted to look good for the first date.  This is a date right? He hadn’t made it explicitly clear, but he was hoping you were on the same page as he was.

He recalled the the other day that you had said you wanted to try this restaurant that you had seen on some celebrities eating on TV.  And since it was on the other side of Seoul Station, they could walk along Seoullo 7017 along the way. He supposed that would be a good, somewhat nice way to start the date.

And you were delightfully surprised at how much Jiwon had actually planned out. You wouldn’t say it aloud, but you had been expecting somewhat of a haphazard schedule of activities that randomly popped up into his mind. 

“You look cute.” You jokingly scowled. “Are you saying I wasn’t cute before?” He rolled his eyes and laughed. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.” He put his hands up defensively when he earned a playful punch to the arm. “Hey, you gotta appreciate my honesty, right?” He grinned. “No, but seriously. You should wear dresses more often.”

“Thanks,” you mumbled shyly, having always been slightly awkward at accepting compliments. You glanced down at your outfit. It was a pretty plain dress, but this was the most dressed up he had ever seen you. 

“Where’s the scar from - if you don’t mind me asking?” He asked, pointing to the mark on your forearm. If it hadn’t been for that scar, he probably would have never recognized you. “Nothing cool,” you responded. “Got it while I was helping out at the bakery a while ago. Hot stuff can do that to you sometimes, you know.”  He laughed. “See? You’re already getting funnier - thanks to me.”  You rolled your eyes exaggeratedly but couldn’t help but join him in laughter. 

You were sure he had a fair share of scars all over his body, and also exciting stories behind them. But you were reluctant to ask, afraid that it could ruin the lighthearted mood.

The rest of the evening went by in a blur - partially because Jiwon had convinced you to share a bottle of soju with him during dinner. ‘You can’t enjoy pork belly without soju!’ he had insisted.  You had initially refused, being worried that you might end up blabbering and saying something stupid or embarrassing. But Jiwon was one convincing young man.

But luckily the only embarrassing thing that slipped out was a, “Fine, you’re kinda cute, okay?” after he had pestered you about what you thought about him. And boy, did he enjoy that answer.

You were partially disappointed when the date ended with a simple hug. You probably would have thought he were moving too fast if he had gone in for a kiss, but by no means would you have refused. In fact, as much as you hated to admit it, you'd immediately have shut your eyes and puckered your lips.  But a long, warm hug was what you got tonight. And you weren’t complaining. "Thanks. Today was really fun,” you said with a warm smile.  “Okay, so when can we have fun again?”

All of a sudden, you had something to look forward to every week. Every date with Jiwon was exciting. You got to experience thrilling things like ziplining, but even just sitting at a cafe and chatting got your heart pumping. You felt like your life had been recharged.  You had even bravely kissed him on the cheek when he had dropped you off at your door tonight. 

As Jiwon walked over to work after dropping you off, he heard a familiar voice calling his name. “Jiwon Hyung! Hyung!” Junhoe shouted from down the block. "Where’re you coming from?” He asked, frowning. Wherever Jiwon was coming from, it wasn’t from the direction of his home. Jiwon played it off vaguely. “Just was doing something. Don’t worry about it.” “Come on, tell me!” Junhoe whined. “Why’s it a secret, huh?” Jiwon pressed his fingers against his tall friend’s forehead and gave it a good shove. “Have you ever heard of a personal space? Look it up.” He couldn’t recall the last time anyone had made him so easily excited, and he wasn’t willing to part with you now.

His friends had also noticed that he was constantly in a good mood these past few weeks.  Donghyuk wasn’t too happy about it, but the others seemed to enjoy having a less moody Jiwon around. He wondered if Hanbin knew what Jiwon was getting himself into outside of work. But he didn’t want to tick off Jiwon, so he kept his mouth shut. A pissed off Jiwon was one scary man.

“How long do u plan on keeping this up, Hyung? It’s going to serve as a distraction to you and a danger to her. She doesn’t even know what you really do. If you tell her, do you think she’ll stay?” Donghyuk hissed. “Yeah, right.” “I know. I know.” Jiwon mumbled. This was like the fifth time he had approached him about this issue. He was thankful that Donghyuk hadn’t blabbed to the rest of the guys, but it was a disturbing reminder every time. Why was it so wrong to enjoy it while it lasted?

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