#im not going to. all im gonna say is im very proud of this Stephen

[gigamuffinsofie]

@lacnunga i agree, jack has two hands:)

#aubreyad #jack aubrey #stephen maturin #it scared away my art block for a moment #drawing clothes from this era scares me. the references so much info #sophie's design may change in the future. im like 90% happy with it #i can pick on this piece A LOT but #(hell i wanted to redo it completely) #im not going to. all im gonna say is im very proud of this Stephen

[mandareeboo]

ok now im curious what your most petty thing is (regarding the dp post)

Oooh boy, here we go! Buckle up fuckers this is gonna be a longer one.

My senior year of high school, I took a creative writing class. Partially because I needed to fill the slot, mostly because I wanted to improve my writing (spoiler: I did not). Now, my high school was a three floor building- first was mostly gym, second was general, and the third was senior lockers and art classes. I spent a good chunk of my schedule senior year on the second and third floor, going between an art class to my earth science (I took that one entirely as filler, but also bc I like science) to my locker and so on.

Creative writing? Creative writing was in the fucking basement. Go to the first floor, go to a corner generally used for health and development classes, to another corner, follow a ramp and some stairs, and boom there it is kind of basement. (Side note but this teacher was REALLY into attendance and would get you in trouble if you were late which was really annoying since basically no other class was in that part of the building).

My creative writing teacher wasn't bad, per se. I've had worse teachers. I had an algebra teacher who delighted in making freshman girls cry and mocking them for it. I had a journalism teacher who would use her class time reporting how Hilary was secretly ill during the election. I had a history teacher say trans people weren't real to an openly gender nonconforming student (I didn't know them well enough to ask for specifics on their alignment, but they were using they/them at that point) and set up assignments just to mock students on the take they were told to make. It was more that she was uncreative and took it out on the kids doing creative writing.

She gave us two books to read. Basically “how I write” by published authors. I don’t remember the first one well enough and I donated it ages ago, but the second was Stephen King’s “On Writing”. It was 3/4′s personal stories about his life and 1/4′s “also write a bit every day”.  I mostly remember the first author bc she had those fake dreadlocks white people do when they destroy their hair and she gleefully told a story about making her son have a meltdown at a party or wedding or something bc he got overwhelmed and she wanted him to learn that “sometimes you don’t get what you want”. So. You know. Not much there.

She also instructed us to write in a journal every day, which she would check every few months or so. It had to be at least half a page. She would leave little comments in every one else’s journals when she checked them, but not mine- I realized pretty quickly she was a bit uncomfortable with LGBT+ content, so I made it my mission to make every journal drabble as gay as possible bc I was bored and she couldn’t mark them WRONG when she just stated we needed to write.

But it doesn’t end there! Through the entire class, we got exactly five writing projects. Stories that follow very specific guidelines that we would then read in front of the class, group proofread, and then have the teacher give final grades for. These things were approximately like a thousand words a piece, and I was writing out my 10,000 word “It Starts off Small” story in class when I got bored, so it wasn’t difficult. 

Our first project was a character going through a difficult decision. Or... something? I honestly forget the criteria. Anyway, I was HYPE. I’d had this idea for a long time now a human choosing between peaceful death or reincarnation, and this gave me the push to write it! I had a whole thing planned with death being a deer and reincarnation being a wolpertinger (bc reincarnation leads to many possibilities, ed boy, so a Frankenstein bunny made sense to me). Anyway I poured my heart and soul into this bastard and, bright eyed and bushy tailed, handed it in. My classmates all thought it was pretty good. Not to toot m’own horn, but there was some pretty bad ones going in, so I thought I’d get a solid B or something.

I got a D. I guess the struggle was too metaphorical, or it didn’t perfectly fit her criteria. I was devastated. Then I was mad. Bc I was a bored senior who thought they’d made something pretty decent for this completely optional class and her refusal to see that really hurt me at sixteen (I was always a year younger than my other classmates, so despite being a senior I didn’t turn eighteen until almost a year after graduation)

Well, fuck it, I decided. I’m going to parody the shit out of this class.

Our next project was a fantasy story. I was bitter and grumpy. The other fantasy stories read aloud were stuff like “yeah this dude fought a wizard and got a girl, then they went home and banged” (this was not hyperbole, he would’ve written and read the smut if allowed, I knew him personally) and “this girl that NO ONE UNDERSTOOD was called CRAZY but this S@!$ cheerleader who Stole Her Boyfriend so she killed them all” (fun fact: the girl who wrote that was my age and a sort of half-friend from middle school. She was a yaoi fangirl who didn’t mind lesbians as long as they, you know, didn’t FLIRT with her or something.) 

So I get up there. It’s the last day of presentations. And I present with a polite cheer. My story is about two magical shepherd type figures who are called Sister Brighten and Brother Dick as they chase down a werewolf who was drunk off his ass and accidentally bit someone else. They then revealed they were basically supernatural designated drivers for the whole town. I made Brighten mention that Dick’s name wasn’t even Richard. I titled it “His Favorite Brand is Grayhound”. It fit every single criteria. I got an A. I could tell she didn’t want to, because there was no comments or anything like everyone else’s, but she had to follow her own criteria.

Our third was a conjoined effort thing so I didn’t pull any fuckery there, but the fourth one was about common myths and spinning them into real or fake. One girl did the hook-handed door handle thing and the boyfriend ended up above his truck hanging (somehow???). I think someone did the age-old adage of a haunted wedding dress? I kind of read through those presentations. 

Now, I’m salty-salty at this point. I wasn’t expecting His Favorite Brand is Grayhound to get me a good grade. I half-assed a lot of it. I am in full Not Happy Teenager at this point. I grab a daddy long leg and settle in.

My fourth story of the year is “Paperskin.”

Paperskin is about a boy named Billy with the thinnest skin membrane ever. Just full on body horror. You could see his teeth behind his lips. Billy gets bored one day and wanders out of his house, tries to kick a soccer ball, and breaks a leg. As he’s laying in the grass a daddy long leg bites him- and his skin is so flimsy the fangs sink in and he dies. I’m actually still pretty proud of Paperskin. It’s a horrifying, Edgar Allen Poe of a monstrosity, but it made people squirm, which was the point. The teacher is clearly a bit unnerved at this point, but she gives me another A. 

I wrote a more “normal” story after that of a contentious objector forced to house kids going to see if any confirmed soldier deaths were any of their parents as my final one and I could feel her spite as she gave me a B.

So, yeah. That’s the story of when I tormented my creative writing teacher with The Gays and my weird ass sense of humor after she called one of my best works at that age a piece of shit.

 Here’s a google drive of these bad boys, because yes I do still have these things. I turned these fuckers in for grades, people.

#Ask #Anon #Question Mandar #Life #Humor #Writing #I was a good kid I swear #I didn't make much noise and I didn't argue much #It was just this one lady

[rare-and-beautiful-things]

Thank you so much for that last one!! I love your headcanons for these guys, so accurate and cute!!!

How would the boys act if their s/o got them a present s/o thought was cute but it was actually super ugly? 😂 eungang-gang + ranked union members, please. thank you!!

Oooh, thank you! I do try to stay in character... Hope you like it!

S/o giving them an ugly present

Eunjang

Gray Yeon

Gray is kind even when he isn't nice. There's also his history with Stephen who could also be rather embarassing... What I'm getting at is that he wouldn't care in the slightest if the present he got from his s/o was ugly. He'll notice the ugliness of course but there won't be a single trace of disgust on his face, only tenderness. He'll wear it if it's clothes, use it if it's something that's supposed to be used, keep it if it's some kind of souvenir (he would prefer more or less useful things though). If someone says something rude about the present and/or his significant other, the punishment might range from mild tongue lashing to a violent beating depending on the tone of voice used and the things said.

Ben Park

The king ang god of all simps. No-one simps quite as hard as Big Ben. Wdym the present is ugly??? Where ugly??? He can't see it, cuz it's just so cute!!! Wears/uses it proudly. People can laugh at him, but he's just so proud of his s/o and that they got him a present he has no care for the fools. Everyone is getting used to it fast, and the next time you give him something ugly-cute no-one reacts. But he's gonna get you similar presents, y'know? They are going to ride the edge between the cute and the ugly, and he's gonna be very embarrassing about the whole thing.

Alex Go

Alex would love to be more like Ben but... he can't. He knows how most people view him - someone weak, dependent, little more than Ben's minion. Doesn't matter that it's not the truth, it's how he's viewed, how people treat him, and it's bound to affect how they treat his s/o. So when the s/o gives him the present, he simultaneously feels happy, sad, insecure, guilty. He knows it's important to them, so he'll use it - just not all that often. Will quietly blame himself for being a coward. But once he gets more confident (mostly in his fighting skills but overall too)? He's never gonna part with this present.

Gerard Jin

Gerard doesn't care. Period. I mean, man sleeps on school desks and in the bushes. He cares very little for random people's opinions. And people who are not random won't be assholes to him about the thing. So, if it's usable he'll use it, and if it's wearable he'll wear it. Won't be as over the top about the whole thing as Ben or as aggressive to commentators as some other people. Very chill.

Teddy Jin

You can see him cringe. Won't find it in himself to reject you outright seeing the hopeful expression on your face but as soon as he's out of your sight he'll stash it in some hard to reach place and hope you'll forget. Please be merciful and forget! But if you ask him why he doesn't use it and act disheartened... He'll brace himself and start using the thing. His cheeks are red for days. He's very sensitive to laughs and comments, so everyone who does that and some people who don't but he thinks they do are going down. His friend group may be partly exempt from the punishment - but more because they're too strong than because they're his friends.

Rowan Im

Uses it trying not to show how embarrassed he is. 'It's popular af in Australia dude. I tell you, Korea just haven't caught up yet, but it'll be a huge thing in a year or so'. Manages to convince half Eunjangs to use/wear the same thing. Everyone else thinks it's just weird Eunjang shit, cuz Eunjang is such a shithole.

The Union

Donald Na

A single raised eyebrow. Depending on the particular type of ugliness he can either be rather amused or not amused at all. Not a chance he's going to wear/use it in public, he cares too much about his image. Can be persuaded to keep in his office desk though... But if someone, except for Kingsley, somehow saw him with the thing, he'd act totally unbothered and start to actually use it as often as he can. It's the new cool now. Every Union member and even people outside the Union get themselves similar things and Donald can and will lord over them the fact that his thing is a gift from his s/o and thus immensely more valuable, but most Union guys are probably incapable of getting themselves a significant other.

Jake Ji

Jake knows the present is ugly and lowkey doesn't want it because he's got taste. Depending on the type of ugly will either keep it at home and use it there or actually make it a part of his style. Not embarrassed exactly but... He's got an aesthetic going, y'know? Gotta keep up!

Wolf Keum

Wolf doesn't care about the cuteness nor the the ugliness. What the present actually has to conform to is his particular style or maybe his senses. It can be not about how the thing looks but instead about how it feels, how it smells, what the material is like. His standards aren't very high, y'know? But even if the present doesn't meet any of his standards and he refuses to use it, he'll give in if you pester him enough. He'll actually be glad when someone laughs at him or makes a stupid comment giving him a reason to beat them up. Might just thank his s/o.

Jimmy Bae & Jack Kang

I'm writing them as a poly now cuz Jimmy alone manages to annoy tf out of me and I bet my ass he'd affect his s/o or even Jack's more or less the same... Neither of them are thrilled. Tf if this thing? Are you kidding them? Jimmy can actually say that, Jack will be a little more considerate (or maybe just colder). Jimmy can actually throw the present away but will feel so bad about it afterwards he'll get it back from the dumpster. They'll use it at home, alright? And maybe even in public on your b-day! That's super generous, y'know? So stop being mad at them already! (Meanwhile, Jack stoically explains to you how being seing with the thing would affect their reputation.) All in all, they can be persuaded to use the present on the daily basis... but will be unbearably grumpy and annoyed about it.

Forrest Lee

Won't outright reject your present but won't be seen in public with it either. It's hard enough for him already to appear powerful enough to be one of the Union's executives. He needs to give off threatening vibes, and your present certainly won't help with that. He'll treasure it though and apologize to you for not being able to use it as intended. Maybe will sleep with it or something.

Myles Joo

Define 'cute', and then define 'ugly'. He'd probably prefer ugly things over cute ones tbh. If it's an ugly sweater he may wear it at home in winter. Ugly hoodie? Bring it on. It just has to match his overall vibe, and then he's good.

Dongha Baek

Laughs super loudly. 'Fuck, it's so fucking ugly!' You may be anxious or disheartened for a moment, but he doesn't mean anything bad by this. He'll wear/use the thing, and every time someone says 'dude, tf is that ugly thing?' he'll be like 'Ikr? So fucking ugly! Love that shit!' He's thrilled. Will love it if you give him something else like this.

+ Grape

Now that's a bad idea. Grape is rather vain, so distasteful things are really not up his alley. Will look at the present with disgust and refuse to use it. If you're super sad about it or continue to pester him, he might give in... for a moment. He'll hold the thing in his hands, steeling himself for the utter embarrassment awaiting him... but he still won't find it in himself to use it in public. Will make it up to you some other way though.

#weak hero #gerard jin #alex go #gray yeon #grape #donald na #jake ji #wolf keum #forrest lee #myles Joo #dongha baek #rowan im #ben park #teddy jin #jimmy bae #jack kang #sam lee #headcanons

[srxkf]

NWH SPOILERS ALERT!

Really don't continue. Bunch of spoilers.

Omg omggggg it just happened A LOT of things on this movie. Okay first at all can we appreciate more Matt Murdock? Like God im glad Marvel is really taking consideration of the Netflix series that HONESTLY? ARE THE BEST ONES. ALSO idk if I'm crazy but they also mentioned Punisher on here, like not exactly the name.

OKAY WHEN DOC OCK APPEARED MY HEART WENT 📈📈📈📈 AAAAAA ALSO GREEN GOBLIN it's so nice to see them again 😭 ALSO SANDMAN!!! At the beginning i was like "oh it's only gonna be cgi? :(" Since he didn't appeared with his human body.... But glad at the end wasn't whole cgi!

NOW WITH ELECTRO AND LIZARD, BLESS THEY MADE JUSTICE ON THEM! I think they deserved a better: design and plot. And glad they did it here!!! I think they're amazing actors and their characters are just so cool to see. Also the cgi for lizard was more pleasant to see (seggcy)

AS ALWAYS NED AND MJ THEY DESERVE ONLY GOOD THINGS! 😭 Even tho they knew was fucking dangerous and they could have died.... They still helped Peter with all of this 💔💔💔 god these are real friends 🥺 and im also glad that everyone on real life are besties (and ofc the fact that Zendaya and Tom are dating you can feel the real connection between these two characters). Im so happy

Okay but the way Stephen gets tired of dealing with kids mess 😭 NDDBDNDNDB Give him a good vacations.... Sadly he can't for the moment he must save the multiverse (we're gonna talk abt that later). But aaaaaaaa also makes me feel kinda sad, but it's mostly bc Peter also see Stephen as some parental figure (and also admire him like he did with Tony). Idk that whole thing was like heartbreaking, remembering all of that 😭 I think i would have cried harder if.... If... Tony was still alive...... Like damn he forgetting his son (Peter) and all the things he did for Peter 💔💔💔💔 at some point (hurts me to say this) im glad Tony is not there..... God hurts saying it bc I'm still sad that he......... Yeah 😞

Another funny scene for me was Peter and May taking all the villains to Happy's apartment 😭 Like "Mom im taking some friends..... They're lil dangerous but friendly"

Okay continue with that, THE FIGHT OF STEPHEN AND PETER WAS COOL!!! But having tiny headache after the amount of camera rotations everything too fast 😹 my brain tiny BUT WAS SO COOL!!! also funny thay Peter found math and those stuff and using it as his secret weapon shdhdhdbdb

Another funny scene was Peter and May taking all the villains to Happy's apartment 😭 Like "mom... Im taking some friends to the house. They're dangerous but friendly". Like who the fucking hell take dangerous people TO A PLACE THAT IS NOT EVEN YOUR HOUSE DJFHFJFJFJFJFJF PLS IT'S SO FUNNY 😭

Nmmmmmmmmmmmmgh should i go to the sad part already? God okay I'll mention first that I'm happy that Doc Ock changed his mind 🥺 and really helping Peter with all his heart 💛💛💛 i love him so much. Such a dilf. Aaaaaaa okay let's go ahead, I knew there was gonna be a tiny plot twist with Osborn.... I'm glad there was tho!!! He's such an excellent villain and god Green Goblin's mind it's unpredictable, so I'm glad we could see both sides!!!! Nmmmmmmgh okay now going with the sad part.....

My heart broken so hard to see May dying....... Even tho normally Aunt May is not that relevant in Spidey movies.... (As my point-of-view) This time since we saw her a lot of times and been really near with Peter's activities as a hero... Hits different. And the way she talked with him for the last time... God god god crying punching the way. ALSO HAPPY SEEING AT THE VERY FAR THAT SCENE...... SEEING THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE.... DEAD.......... GOD THAT HITS HARDER 😭

OKAY CONTINUE WITH SAPPY FEELINGS. A BIG BIG SHOUT-OUT TO NED PLS IM SO PROUD OF MY BOI DOING MAGIC. HE DESERVES MORE ATTENTION. GOD THE WAY HE JUST DID THE PORTALS.... GOD BLESS GOD NED.

NOW THE BIG FUCKING MOMENT!!!! SPIDER FUCKING VERSE IT'S REAL AAAAAAAAAAA SCREAMING. My heart jumped when I saw first Andrew's Spidey 😭 I'm ngl at very very time ago I didn't like him at first 💔 but im glad that i could change my mind on time and see him different. He's such an amazing actor and person. And it hurts a lot when he's referring himself as the worst spiderman.... God i was like "bITCH YOU'RE AMAZING, SO COOL, SO GORGEOUS". I hope Sony consider for making another movie of him!! HE DESERVES MORE!!!!!!!!! NOW FOR THE SECOND BIGGEST MY DUDE TOBEY 😭 the teacher, the god, the big bro, THE LEGEND ON THERE! He hasn't changed AND IM GLAD!!! I felt like I time travel on time when i was just a kid watching Tobey's movies... I even had a lot of shivers when the three spideys talked.

Big big big shout-out too (again) for Andrew and Tobey they really acted like big bros for Tom (I'll use their real names bc... Yeah so everyone can understand xd )

OKay THE AMOUNT OF MEME REFERENCES DKDJDJDJDJ THANKS BC HELPS TO MY WEAK AND SAD HEART 😭😭😭😭 smiling through the pain.

THE FINAL BATTLE WAS EPIC TRULY WONDERFUL. THANKS SONY AND MARVEL TO LET US BE WITNESSES OF THE SPIDERVERSE AND TO SEE THE BIG-THREE FIGHTING TOGETHER AND TRYING TO WORK AS A TEAM.

Now talking abt that topic 😭😹 pls the way Tobey and Andrew were like "team? What's that? You can eat it?" My dudes really saying "eww teamwork" JDJDJDJDJD BUT GLAD THEY COULD DO IT NOW. OKAY ALSO THE REFERENCE OF EDDIE AND VENOM FROM TOBEY'S UNIVERSE 😭😭😭😭 MAN THE WAY I SCREAMED. Let Andrew fight with Tom Hardy's Venom and after that they can be friends 🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝 and adopting Tom Holland's spidey to the team.

THE FINAL SCENE THERES NO WORDS. ONLY PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN. I hope they can be friends again at some point 💔💔💔 and that MJ and Peter can be together again 🥺 Also that Happy can remember Peter pls 💔💔💔💔💔

OKAY NOW POST-CREDITS

IM ANGRY AND HAPPY FOR THE SYMBROCK SCENE. First, I'm excited that Eddie knows what happened on the mcu universe fkfjdjdjdj hope can means something big for the future. Second, okay, I'm like mmmmmm bc the drunk lines even tho was like "GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY" AND MY HEART WENT AAAAA but! I must say this, I found weird the fact that Venom out of nowhere he said "EDDIE WE'RE DRUNK" (Sorry if some lines are written different, i watched it on Spanish so im not sure how they say it originally on the English ver.) And was exactly when Eddie say "[...] Then i should talk with this spiderman" mmmm gives me the feeling that Venom was scared that Eddie also dies if he met Peter, and trying a way to distract him for saying and doing that 🤔. This makes stronger the theory that definitely Venom knows that Tobey's spidey killed Eddie and Venom from his universe. Like i think he don't hate Peter... He's only scared that the love of his life also die and he doesn't want that for Eddie, like, now saying this as a fan of Symbrock im so fucking sure that at this point Venom just want to have a happy and alone life with Eddie, just saving the people and staying together and... That Venom wouldn't be stronger if something happens to Eddie. Maybe that's why Venom said the "drunk" lines and cutting Eddie's conversation.

Okay now with MoM teaser OMGGGGG okay I didn't have the enough brain at that very end tbh NDBDNDBDBD EVERYTHING HAPPENED SO FAST AAAAAAAA WANDA AS ALWAYS SO GORGEOUS MY QUEEN. BUT OKAY MONICA ALSO APPEARED OR IM CRAZY???? KDDBDJJD and AND AAAAAAAAA THE SORCERER SUPREME????????? MY BOI FROM WHAT IF IS THERE??? I HOPE IT'S HIM!!! AAAA looks nice. I hope they upload it later with better quality so I can analyze it deeper and see the details.

OKAY THAT'S THE ENDING OF THIS TED TALK. I JUST WANTED TO LET OUT MY THOUGHTS AAAAAAAAA SO GOOD THIS MOVIE. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT ON HD ON DISNEY OR WHATEVER PLATFORM.

#spiderverse #no way home #spoilers #no way home spoilers #venom #doctor strange #PLS NO READ IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE MOVIE #im crying this movie is a masterpiece #spiderman #marvel

[blushing-starker]

Sweet Mable, aka @drarryismyshit07 , squealed with me about a little Peter and his daddies. Tagging @professional-benaddict because I'm a sucker for Rafni's validation (who isn't, to be honest?).

He cares about his daddies and Peter would rather sleep without Padds for a week than see them sleep deprived and bleary eyed. So yeah, he technically broke the rules. But! MJ took him to daddies ' office and made sure Peter was safe the entire time. He was well behaved and patient, a very important fact Peter emphasized to Tony and Stephen as they stifled fond chuckles and lifted him over a yucky puddle. MJ, bless her, solemnly swears he's telling the truth. Now all he has to do is convince them, "It was Mr Paddington that missed you, daddies. He needed you for cuddles. I told him you were at work, but he didn't listen. I was going to take nappies when he got impatient and worried. Daddy told me to listen to Papa Stephen and he always says to be kind and considerate. I wasn't gonna let him be sad, so we decided to come get you."

It takes Stephen's entire self control to not laugh when confronted with those bright puppy eyes and confident grin. There's just a hint of something sly curling pink lips and he makes a note to dissuade Tony from teaching their baby court tactics. If Peter whips out the fluttering lashes, rosy cheeks,

(Im so sorry, but as I'm writing this, Umbrella came on and I am dying, oh jesus, my thoughts just completely derailed. Oh, I'm dead.)

curved shoulders, and teasing grin, they will be done for. As it is, Tony looks ready to spend their complete bank account on Peter. Well. He always looks like that, but now there's a Cheshire grin on his boyfriend's face and dammit, why is Stephen stuck with being the logical one?

"Baby, we appreciate your... compassion with Mr Paddington and your worry over us. It makes us very happy, knowing our little prince cares about us so much that he'd come so far from home to get his daddies," it's a five minute ride, but still, he's a sucker for Peter, he'll fib, " and I'm so proud you came with MJ instead of alone. That was an extremely mature thing to do, darling. Now, when we get home, Tony and I will take a quick shower and cuddle with Mr Paddington and with our sweet boy. But we'll talk tomorrow, ok? Next time you're worried, I want you to call just in case daddy and I aren't in the office. We don't want you, I mean, Paddy to come over, not see us and be sad. Right, Tony? "

His boyfriend is staring at Peter like he hung the fucking moon. A sharp elbow to his ribs has Tony doubling over, wheezing and groaning into Peter's neck.

"Right, Tony?"

"Yeah, right, babe. Don't want Paddy being sad. Oh, damn. Don't move, Pete." Tony's gasping the words out, face flushed and eyes teary. Stephen may have hit him a bit too hard. Their baby soothes New York's most ruthless lawyer, runs soft hands down a designer suit jacket reverently and carefully. Peter smiles at him, love so clear in his eyes that he melts.

Maybe Peter should visit more often, after all.

#my moodboards #starker #peter x tony #peter parker x tony stark #peter parker #tony stark #ironspider #starkerstrange #strangestarker #peterxstephen #Stephen Strange #little!Peter #Stephen x Tony #Stephen x Tony x Peter

[richietoaster]

Review/Reaction of IT Chapter Two

Let’s just start right off the bat and let me just say that Bill Hader better get a fucking award for his performance.

Alright. Here we go y’all. im trying to stay in order with what happened but so much happened in the movie that my brain is just all over the place so excuse me while i try to form words

UNDER THE CUT CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS

• first opening scene is a fucking LOT okay like i sobbed my eyes out and it was just not cool. adrian and his boyfriend? CUTE AF. Him getting brutally beat up and then killed by Pennywise while Don just watches? NOT CUTE AF

• Mike is a precious boy and I love him so. He cares about his friends so much holy shit. they all get mad at him for lying to them tho.But he only did it to protect them. Mike knew some SHIT(tm) our boy is so smart?? I’m glad they kept to his original storyline

• Older Bill gave himself so much shit this film and i just felt so bad. like we know it isnt ur fault okay?? We know you loved your brother, stop putting yourself down. also?? him becoming protective over dean? please stop my aching heart. 

• Jessica Chastain owns my whole heart and she can kick my ass anyday. She plays Bev so well and captures young bev’s personality so well. her scene with mrs kersh was very weird. i knew the second she ran naked in the hall i’d be seeing some weird fucking shit okay 

• Jay Ryan could kick me and I would personally thank him like?? wow what a man. He immediately recognizes bev when he first sees her and im just?? im happy. so many hidden new kids on the block reference and it had me fucking rolling in my grave

• JAMES FUCKING RANSONE MY DUDE OH LORD okay listen. he gives off young eddie’s panic and chaotic energy so perfectly i felt like i was watching him as an adult, who just never grew up. I think thats what he was going for honestly. He played eddie SO FUCKING WELL 

• I’m so sad about stan. THats all you need to know okay. I’ll talk about his letter later on in this. Stan deserved better. that’s all. 

• if you are not a fan of vomit you’re not gonna enjoy richie tozier. literally any time something bad happens hes just like ah shit here we go again *vomits* and honestly? that made me laugh. like hes just like oh shit something is happening let.. let me just.. no no its fine guys ill catch up.. EHBWFIJHDFSIJ no okay but bill hader stole the fucking show. his acting was phenomenal and,, again,, i’ll add more onto that later. 

• richie scares the shit out of dean. because he thinks hes pennywise. but can you blame him? the kid just. stared at him all creepy and shit. but its so funny. the losers make fun of him bc he doesnt know his own lines from his acts and richies just like “I dont write my own material” and eddies just like “I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT” dead. goodbye.

• Young losers were still my favorite part honestly. Eddie kept bouncing that stupid ball in stan’s face in the clubhouse and i was waiting for him to get punched in the face tbh. That didn’t even seem like eddie, that was Jack’s energy bursting through the seams lmfao

• young eddie runs into a fucking box and shrieks and if that isn’t me idk ewhdfiajksjdoi 

• THE FUCKING. HAMMOCK. SCENE. okay listen to me. thats gay. hammocks are now gay. gays only. gay interacts only. the bickering between reddie had me in TEARS. eddie kept kicking at his face and just?? casually??? lays on him when richie wont move?? 

• stan’s fucking shower cap ehfdiujasdiosa and then richie being like “nobodys afraid of spiders stanley okay” and eddie slowly removes his because he cares what richie thinks more than spiders ok

• a flashback from after they defeated IT in the first move with reddie “eddie youve been gone for 24 hours your face is most likely on a milk carton by now” “shut up richie” 

• yong Richie has me weak af this whole movie, like always. just getting on Eddie’s case. HE PINES SO HARD OH Y GOD Like wow my sweet boy is so fucking in love ouch. which?? BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT POINT??

• THE ARCADE SCENE?? he checks out the kid standing next to him and tries to get him to hang out more and then the other kid tells him to stop being weird because he’s not gay, too, and then uses the F slur. richie was just so hurt. paul bunyun scene happens after that and hes just like “I just shit my pants” and i cried. 

• pennywise screaming “lets play truth or dare, you wouldnt pick truth! you dont want them to know your secret” gave off the same energy as eddie’s leper blowjob scene from the book. same energy. do with that as you will. 

• they had some flashbacks that included pennywise and im not sure if this was before or after they had defeated IT in the first movie but i interpreted it as after and if thats the case... hes supposed to be dead. but now thinking back on it, it was probably just more scenes before they put pennywise to rest for 27 years. 

• young richie went to the kissing bridge after that and we ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE. fucking.. r + e :((( although we don’t see him carving the E. but reddie is canon so suck toes antis

• stephen king pretty much being like “I know u and ur endings really do suck” to bill when he comes to buy his bike was so fucking funny. it almost felt like a self insert lmfao. ALSO HIM MAKING BILL PAY 300 BUCKS FOR THE BIKE BC HE KNEW HE COULD AFFORD IT? iconic. 

• richie and eddie opening the door to the dog had me laughing. pennywise was just mocking them at that point. they’d be such good dog dads and now im sad

• i was really confused because they added part of stan’s bar mitzvah?? like it wasn’t even the same from the first movie. like they should’ve just put the deleted scene in from ch. 1 and then added that part. thats one of my very few complaints. im slowly hiding them in here. 

• henry bowers was kinda irrelevant in this honestly but thank you eddie for stabbing him and richie for killing him for trying to kill mike yall heroes 

• BEVS BLOOD SCENE ?? CORRESPONDING WITH BENS BURIED ALIVE SCENE? poetic cinema. 10/10

• the big fight really disappointed me in all honesty. but i think thats because andy said he cut so much from there. i expect it to be better with the director’s cut

• eddie saving richie and then immediately being stabbed by pennywise’s claw? IM DEPRESSED.

• “Rich! rich, i did it! i think i killed him!” Our boy was so happy with himself :( 

• eddie’s last words WERE NOT “i fucked your mom”. he was talking to richie and you can hear them talking while the rest are preparing to end pennywise. so im hoping we get that as a deleted scene. 

• richie goes back to help finish pennywise but when he goes to check on eddie.. he’s dead. ://// and bev is like “richie, come on, honey.. im sorry” and richie does not want to believe him. he grabs and hugs eddie so tight i swear i could feel that hug from the audience. 

• another thing im disappointed in and am sliding in is some of the animations? Like. fucking weird. but okay. luckily i didn’t care too much.  

• THE SOB that richie lets out when he holds eddie really hurt my fucking soul jesus christ just kill me

• the losers try cheering him up after and like. thats their friend too but you can just totally tell he’s crying in a different type of grief. THAT WAS HIS FIRST FUCKING LOVE. 

• they all remember after and thats really important to me okay

• stan writes letters and its spoken outloud while the other losers get little montages of what theyre doing with their life after the battle. Richie goes back to the kissing bridge and recarves- YES RECARVES AND YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE THE E BEFORE HE DOES- he recarves the E and while doing it, stan’s voice says “be proud of who you are” and im fucking cry ibg okay

• in the end, i give this movie a 7/10 rating. although some of the animations were weird and some of the flashbacks had pennywise in it (like hes supposed to be currently dead but ok... maybe nightmares??) the actors were PHENOMENAL and the chemistry between older richie and older eddie made me so happy. my ship is canon. but im still sad about stan and eddies death. 

• ignoring canon in 3.. 2.. 1.. now 

#it chapter 2 #it chapter two spoilers #IT CHAPTER TWO #it chapter 2 spoilers #IT SPOILERS #reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #bill denbrough #mike hanlon #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #stanley uris

[professional-benaddict]

How bout a fic later in a mob!au timeline? Peter being mobboss Stark's pretty pet for 2 years now and everyone is predicting Tony will grow tired and get rid of him soon. When Tony shows interest in another pretty thing, Peter kills him/er in a jealous rage. Going from straight-laced innocent pete to murder in 2 years just proves how much Peter really is the perfect pet for Tony.

THIS HAS TAKEN FOREVER IM SO SORRY SKSKS bUt here it is if you still want it anon babe ;-;

Mafia boss!Tony, 18+ sugar baby Peter, advisor Stephen, murder, manipulation, blood, guns and knives (and Tony being a bit soft but only for his boy)

“He left just now, Boss.”

“Which gun did he pick?”

“A Glock.”

“Good.”

“About 50 yards, Boss. He’s about to enter the apartment building.” Clint’s voice came through the speakers of the laptop on Tony’s desk. Besides the radio tab on the screen, which showed four connections, there was only one other tab. It showed an overview map with a red blinking dot moving steadily through the streets - the tracker that Stephen had placed in Peter’s leather jacket before the boy had headed out.

The red dot stopped by a building and both Stephen and Tony watched intently as they waited for Clint to update them. A minute passed before he spoke through the radio again.

The red dot stopped by a building and both Stephen and Tony watched intently as they waited for Clint to update them. A minute passed before he spoke through the radio again.

“He’s in. Quite the hacker, that boy.”

Tony smirked around his cigar before giving further instructions.

“Now, get on the roof, Clint. Steve, Bucky, your turn.”

“Yes, Boss.” Steve replied immediately. A minute later he spoke again. “In position by the main entrance.”

“In position by the back door.” Bucky confirmed as well.

“Clint? You got eyes on him yet?” Tony asked.

“Yes, Boss, he’s entered the apartment and has the girl at gunpoint. She’s unarmed as far as I can see. She’s on her knees and hands over her head. He’s saying something.” Clint narrated without any emotion in his voice. He had seen such scenes a thousand times by now, unlike Peter. “Peter’s shaking- I don’t know if he can do it, Boss. Shall we intervene?”

“Told you-“ Stephen tried, but was cut of by a sharp glare from Tony.

“No, do not intervene. Give him some time, goddammit. You are your itching trigger finger, Clint, fucking hell.” Tony snapped back and the radio fell silent. The seconds ticked by and Tony felt a few drops of cold sweat on the back of his neck. The Boss was growing impatient and was just about to bark for an update when Clint spoke.

“Peter did it.”

It was like Tony’s own child had taken their first steps, that’s how proud he felt, but instead of first steps then his pet had made his first kill. All Tony showed on his otherwise expressionless and cold face was a half smirk.

“You are an unbelievable manipulator, Boss.” Steve chuckled through the radio. “I’ll admit, I had my doubts, I mean such a sweet little thing like Peter? Sweet little Peter in oversized pastel sweaters and stockings killing someone? How are you gonna reward him later, Boss?”

“As much as I like the pastels, I think he looks amazing in all black. He even picked out boots two sizes too big and wore gloves. No prints and no trace for the coppers! I remember my first kill was much more clumsier than his- oh, he’s leaving now.” Clint informed.

“Shut it!” Tony barked, feeling a wave of possessiveness wash over him as he sat up in his chair. “Just bring him back already. Nat.”

“On it.” Natasha replied and rolled the car up to the apartment building. A minute or two passed before Steve spoke through the radio.

“I got him, Boss, we’ll be over in- Hey, Peter!”

“TONY!” Tony snapped his eyes up from his cigar to the laptop screen in front of him. It seemed that Peter had snatched Steve’s earpiece. “What the hell is this, Tony? You followed me?”

“Well, hello, baby boy.”

“Don’t ´baby boy´ me, you ass! What is going on?”

“I’ll explain everything when you get back.” Tony explained blandly before moving to cut the radio connection off in the middle of Peter’s protest.

It all started when their two year anniversary of meeting one another for the first time came around that Tony started plotting. He had done it to all of his pets in the past, but unfortunately very few of his pets survived long enough for Tony to even put them through it. After meeting Peter, Tony did not want any other pet in his life and put extra effort into protecting his favourite toy. Tony was loyal to Peter, but was Peter loyal to Tony? And how far would he go to have Tony? By putting Peter through his test, Tony would get the answers to those two questions.

After their luxurious anniversary retreat to Bora Bora, Tony had strategically pushed Peter further and further away from himself each day. He would deny Peter his company, the privilege of sitting on his lap during meetings and having his hand on his bony hip during deals, but worst of all, he denied the boy sex. After two weeks, when the hole in Peter’s pastel pink heart was gaping like a black hole in space, Tony had brought in the girl. She was a nobody, an associate to a rivalry mafia, but she was pretty, very pretty. The girl, Nora, was a tall and skinny one, with long blonde hair that flowed over her delicate shoulders and framed her heart-shaped face beautifully. Despite her skinny form, she had a perky ass and large breasts, which even had Clint and Steve gaping at her when she passed them in the halls of Tony’s warehouse. She was a beauty and an obvious rival to Peter in the game of getting the Boss’ attention and honour of being his pet.

Unsure of what to do and afraid to confront Tony face to face, a sobbing Peter had gone to his second closest figure in the gang, Stephen. He had poured his little heart out, begging Stephen to tell him what he had done to anger Tony. The advisor wanted nothing more than to tell Peter the truth, that it was all a test, but all he said was what Tony had strictly instructed him to do, which was to fill the hole in Peter’s heart with furious jealousy.

“That’s just Tony Stark being Tony Stark. He gets tired of his pets and gets rid of them. You know how he is? He isn’t a good man by far.”

“He is good to me.” Peter had hiccuped before correcting himself with a small voice. ”Was good to me…”

“He will get rid of Nora too, you can bet on that. No one around here is special, Peter.” Stephen had said bluntly, but on the inside he felt dirty for deceiving the sweet little boy. However, Peter dried his tears and sat up straighter, his eyes turning hard as a thought seemed to occur to him.

“Not if I get rid of her first.”

And that is exactly what he had done, surprising Stephen, Natasha, Clint, Steve and Bucky, but not Tony. He knew the boy, what he was capable of. Nora was nothing compared to Peter and Tony dreaded the time he had to spend with her to keep up the deception. The Boss was thrilled that he would never have to have her clammy hands on him again and could not wait to get the boy that he truly loved on his lap. But, based on Peter’s angry tone through the radio, he wasn’t gonna sit on his lap just yet.

Ten minutes passed and Tony heard footsteps out in the hall. It was an unspoken rule that one would always have to knock and get explicit permission from Tony to enter his office, but this time Peter ignored that completely and burst into the room, letting the door slam into the wall without care.

“Start talking!” Peter demanded, crossing his arms in front of his chest to appear intimidating. Despite the leather jacket, the black hoodie, the heavy boots and dark jeans, which was a rare look on Peter, Tony was far from intimidated. Instead, he felt his cock twitch with excitement at the sight of a furious Peter. Nora never satisfied him like Peter could and Tony ached to have his cock buried deep in the boy’s heavenly heat.

Tapping his cigar on the ash tray, Tony got up from his seat calmly and made a hand gesture to Stephen who was still leaning against the desk as well as Steve and the others out in the hall.

“Leave us.”

Soon enough Peter and Tony were left alone. It had been almost a month since they had been together like this and Peter ached to be close to the older man, his Daddy, but he had to stay strong and hold his ground. The boy’s otherwise bright eyes were darker now, like they have been stained by what he had just done. Tony saw that same darkness in his own eyes every time he looked at himself in the mirror. In a way, it was a shame, that such a sweet thing like Peter would also have to have his eyes darkened and hands dirtied with blood, but it had to be done. One cannot survive in this sort of life without getting pastel oversized sweaters stained with blood or start to catch the hint of gunpowder.

Stepping closer to Peter, Tony wet his thumb with his tongue and wiped away a drop of blood from Peter’s cheek before he spoke gently.

“I knew you could do it, my baby, I’m so proud of you.”

Peter gaped at the man in front of him, his brows knitting together in a puzzled expression before his eyes widened. It all seemed to fall into place in his head and the boy pushed Tony’s hand away from his face.

“You- you wanted me to do that… You made me kill her! But… why did you fuck her then? When I was here? I mean- Stephen said that-“

“I told Stephen to say that to you.”

“You’ve been doing this on purpose! Since Bora Bora, right? This- this was all a test? ”

“And you passed, baby.”

“You- you asshole!” In a quick manoeuvre, Peter retrieved a knife from his shirt sleeve and shoved it under Tony’s jaw. The Boss’ expression fell just a fraction, but otherwise he was completely calm, with his hands in his pockets and eyes fixed on Peter’s teary ones.

“Stephen didn’t tell me you took a knife too.”

”This one is mine.”

Tony hummed at that and smirked with pride again.

“I think I underestimated you, baby.”

“You sure fucking did.” Peter said shakily through gritted teeth, his jaw all clenched up tight as he swallowed thickly. Tony could feel the pressure of the cool knife on his neck lessen and soon it fell to the floor with a clatter. The boy collapsed into the older man’s arms with a sob. Holding Peter close, Tony inhaled the smell of Peter’s fruity shampoo and conditioner, loving the sensation of those soft curls against his skin. The boy fit so perfectly in his arms, his head tucked under his chin and skinny arms tight around his middle.

“Hey, hey. You’re no crybaby, Peter. Come on, it’s all right.” Tony shushed as he ran his large hand up and down the boy’s back.

“I-I’m no killer either…” Peter stuttered out, sniffling a couple of times. Wrapping his arms around Peter’s ass, Tony hauled the boy up into his arms. Peter made a little surprised squeak, but settled into the familiar position easily. This was his throne and letting his teary eyes fall shut, Peter leaned down to kiss Tony. Unlike their usual kisses, this one was soft, slow and sweet. There was no heated tongue nor groans in the back of throats as Tony fought for dominance over Peter’s delicious mouth. Instead, it was just a simple press of soft and delicate skin together which made both Tony and Peter feel all warm inside, all the way into their bones. Pulling away just a fraction, Tony whispered to his boy.

“You are a killer, my baby boy, and you made Daddy so proud.”

#my prompts #this one became a bit long and shit sorry sorry sksks #lEt alone the waiting time holy shit sksk #starker #starker fic #tony stark x peter parker #peter parker #tony stark #stephen strange

[imbeccablee]

5, 8, 13, and 19!

(this got a little long so im putting it under a read more)

5. Share one of your strengths

rex my good dude you could NOT have picked a harder thing for me to do. how dare you try and make me compliment myself.

anyway, uhhhhh probably my overactive imagination? or something? like, honestly, i’m kinda constantly thinking about my WIPs or possible fics (which is obvious if you look at all the abandoned one shots in my drafts lmao). But like, I’m always thinking about stuff to write and that has led to some of my favorite fics i’ve written, like Warm Pancakes or smth.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and why you’re proud of it

“Um,” Krel hesitated, the question burning his throat. He tried another approach. “Could I… stay with you, tonight?”

Aja rubbed one of her eyes, propping herself up with her two right arms. “Huh? I mean, yes, but why?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Aja nodded like that was an acceptable answer and slid over to make more room. Grateful, Krel crawled beside her and sighed in relief as Aja’s arms wrapped around him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

“No. Yes. I don’t know.” Krel turned his head so his face was half buried in one of Aja’s pillows.

Aja giggled sleepily, rubbing her hands up and down Krel’s back. “That’s okay, little brother, we do not have to talk. We can just sleep.”

She closed her eyes again and her hands stilled on his back. He looked at her for a few moments before sighing. “Aja, um…”

“Are you implying Princess Aja is bondless?”

“Yes?” Aja’s eyes were open again, looking at him patiently, oblivious to how the light gray and void black mocked him.

“I’m just saying it’s very much in the realm of possibility. “I mean, think about it. Aja passes the time in which children normally have their corebonded declared, and suddenly the royals are incredibly hush-hush about the subject? 

And, well, I guess it doesn’t exactly matter, what with Prince Krel and all. It’s not like when you’re a royal there’s any real reason to have a second kid than to have a backup in case the first one doesn’t work out for whatever reason."

“Um…” Krel faltered. “Do you ever think about where your corebonded might be?”

Minutely, Aja froze. If he hadn’t been so close to her, he probably wouldn’t have noticed. “Er,” she stammered. “O-Of course, Krel, who doesn’t?”

“Well,” Krel paused, the words stuck in his throat. “Most Akiridions, apparently, since they find their corebonded when they’re young.” Aja flinched. “And I just… I just wonder about ours,” Krel plowed on. “Like… imagine, being brought before the royals of Akiridion-5 and it being revealed that you are cosmically bonded with one of the royals’ children.” He forced out a laugh. “That’d be—That’d be crazy, right? Imagine.”

“Krel…”

“And then… I was just thinking about how devastating it would be if that were to never happen,” he said, and Aja stared at him. He swallowed hard and continued. “I was just thinking about how there might not be some Akiridion kid who walks up those steps to Mama and Papa and is declared to be bonded to one of us. I was thinking about how, when our ceremonies happen, what if one of us doesn’t find our match on Akiridion-5. I was thinking about how we might not… find them at all.”

Aja’s lips were pursed together now, and for a moment she just stared at him. Then, “Krel, you know that’s not—”

“Aja, why didn’t Mama and Papa declare your corebonded?” Krel interrupted.

“That’s—I—”

“Why haven’t I met them yet, at least?” Krel continued. “Why haven’t you explained how pretty everything is in color yet? You’re passed the age where they find out, right? So what happened?”

“Krel, nothing happened!” Aja cut in. She sat up abruptly and moved away from him, and Krel immediately missed the comfort that came from her close presence. “It’s just—complicated.”

“I don’t get it!” Krel sat up too. “Why are Mama and Papa breaking tradition and waiting to declare ours?”

“Because—”

“Why were you so tense at the announcement todelson?”

“That’s—”

“Everyone has a corebond—right?—so why haven’t you found yours yet?”

“Because I might not have one!” Aja finally shouted. She flinched and looked away from Krel’s surprised expression, her hands balling into fists.

Krel stewed in their silence, feeling both ashamed and desperate for a different answer. Finally, his sympathy won out. “I’m… sorry, Aja, I shouldn’t have been so forceful.”

Aja sighed and tucked some hair behind her ear. “No, it’s… I would’ve been curious too…” She opened her fists and looked down at them. “Mama and Papa said that them not finding my corebonded doesn’t mean anything besides that they’re not Akiridion. They said it was totally and completely okay and normal for this to happen, but…” She shook her head. 

“But… you kind of feel like you’ve let them down?” Krel guessed. He mimicked Aja's position, wrapping his arms tightly around his knees. “And that they were just saying that to make you feel better?”

“Er, yeah.” Aja looked up, surprised. “But why do you…” Krel gave her a lopsided smile, a look in his eye saying you know. “Oh, Krel, you know they’re so proud of you. They love you so much.”

Krel sighed and looked at his feet. “Yeah. I know. It’s just hard to really feel it sometimes, especially when I also know I’m not what Papa really wanted in a son. I’m not exactly your average prince.”

Aja giggled and punched his arm lightly. “Who would want an average prince when they could have a genius one like you?”

Krel smiled, still sad, but grateful. “Thanks, Aja.”

“So…” She sidled up beside him again, leaning against her propped up knees to look him in the eye. “Are you gonna tell me what brought on the corebond stuff?”

“I…” Krel broke eye contact. “I overheard some of the staff talking a couple delsens ago and it… I dunno, I guess it got to me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing too weird, I guess, it’s just…” Krel shook his head. “They were talking about you… and your possible corebonded.”

“Oh.” Aja looked put out again.

“And then…” Krel continued. “They… started talking about me.”

Aja’s face switched from melancholic to furious so quickly Krel reeled back a little. “What did they say about you?” she growled and Krel felt a little better knowing Aja would so quickly defend his honor.

“Not a lot,” he quickly replied. “Just… Well, they just implied something, and it’s making me feel… weird.”

“... What was it?” Aja asked slowly.

Krel rubbed at the faintly glowing gray lines going around his feet. “When they were talking about you, they implied that Mama and Papa wouldn’t have wanted you as their heir because of your corebonded. Which isn’t true of course!” Krel quickly amended, seeing something dark cross through Aja’s eyes. “But… then they said that was where I came in. That I… was only made in case something went… wrong with you because it wasn’t likely that I, too, would have a non-Akiridion corebonded, and that it was “only right that only Akiridions take the throne”.”

Aja laid a hand on one of Krel’s. “Oh, Krel, that’s not true at all.”

“I… know,” he said, but he hesitated and Aja noticed too.

“Mama and Papa love you, Krel,” she insisted.

“I know,” Krel said. “I don’t… I normally don’t doubt that.” Aja gave him an exasperated look that he ignored. “It’s just… all I can think about now.”

“Don’t listen to some gossip, little brother, it means nothing. Who cares what a few staff members think? We are a family, and nothing will ever get in the way of that." Aja shrugged then. "Besides, I'm sure they only say that sort of stuff to let out some anger. I mean, we may be wonderful people, but even the most patient Akiridion would get frustrated after waiting hand and foot on us all delson, right? I know I would."

Krel laughed a little, the coil of tension in his spine relaxing some. Aja smiled gently at him, though he could see the worry in her eyes. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Krel said.

Aja giggled. “Of course I am. I’m your older sister.” Krel smiled and relaxed further when Aja wrapped two arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer. She leaned her head against his and Krel softly sighed, the emotions that had kept him wound up for most of the delson finally dispersing and leaving him quite exhausted. Although his concerns hadn't completely gone away, he did feel better after talking about it.

They stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s comfort, for a long time. When they finally did move, Krel bashfully asked, “Can I still stay the night?” to which Aja replied, “Of course, dummy.”

They laid back down and cuddled closer. A few moments passed after they relaxed and Krel said, “... Thank you, Aja.”

Aja hummed then replied, “Any time, little brother. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

---

this is from my Tales of Arcadia fic, Starcrossed, from the first chapter. i dunno, i just really loved how this turned out! i had spent a lot of time on the whole chapter before i finally posted it, and i think i really nailed what i was trying to establish with their relationship with each other, their parents, and themselves. i reread it a lot, along with Warm Pancakes.

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

Probably the one that’s like, write the thing you want to read. Forcing yourself to write something you think others would want can be miserable, and like writing should be a good thing. You should be proud of the stuff you wrote and look back on your old stuff fondly. It’s ten times easier writing the stuff you want to write than making yourself write stuff you think other people want.

19. Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse?

ah probably not? like, what defines a muse? i write because i like to write and because i need to vent somehow and because i’m good at it. i guess you could say i’m my own muse, in that case.

#thanks rex! #ask meme

[isitoctober212015yet]

So, no spoiler review of IT chapter 2: I liked it, it was well put together and i feel like it built on and expanded the first movie very well

some of my other thoughts chock full of spoilers are below the cut

– the opening scene with adrien mellon is easily the most brutal one i dig my nails into my skin when i get nervous and i was bleeding pretty bad by the end of those first 10 mins. its probably the worst and most visceral scare of the whole movie, everything after that’s manageable. I’m a little annoyed they included that one like...of all the parts of the book to stay faithful to thats the one you pick??? I was so annoyed when they announced they were makin that

– where was the scene from the trailer when pennydumbass jumped out of that hole that was in the wall like 10 feet up? Did I miss that or something i feel like it was absent

– I really loved the adult losers they were all so good. I really had no trouble beliving they were the grown versions of the kids from chapter 1

– however i feel they could have sassed back at pennywise more

– I appreciated that this one was darker more often than not but that there were still a couple moments of levity. Watching everyone run around screaming while Mike is smashing the table in the chinese restaurant after the scene with the blood (or perhaps that was just miscellaneous sewer ooze?) and screaming infant bugs was really funny to me. I’m also glad this movie didnt go the miniseries route and just put some live ass cockroaches on the table i hated that. The whole scene was very loud though. I feel like I’m too old but every scary scene i’m always just thinking “oh boy here comes some more noise...good :/”

– Mike was easily my favorite character this time around im glad he got more screentime because gotdamn was he robbed last time

– I love!! new kids content!!! I loved those kids so much so i was really glad that they came back

– goddamn the transitions between some of these scenes was fucking stunning i like said very loudly without realizing “Oh wow that transition” somebody nearby laughed at me

–  I for no reason really want to draw a pomeranian with pennywise markings now

– How did nobody else ever figure out you can just beat It by pointing and laughing and calling it a sloppy bitch. it really took the people of derry five million years to workshop that one huh?

– I was so worried theyd try and force Bill and Bev together and they did not

– If you thought I was paying attention to anything other than that Michael J Fox poster in the background of the scenes in the fort. You would be INCORRECT I really need to finish that IT/BttF crossover huh?

– so???? one of the last things Richie does before leaving town is go to the lover's bridge and re-make the mark he made as a kid that said E + R (while Stan is saying “be proud of who you are” in a vo) are they saying hes gay??? also some kids call him gay and he doesnt like..adamantly deny it like he does other stuff, he just runs off. so??? kinda got gay vibes. it could just be me reading into it as a gay buuuuuuut idk Also Bill and Mike say “I love you” to each other and theyre like the only ones in either movie that even utter the words i love you that i recall, that and Bill wasn’t wearing a ring at the end???? Honestly was anyone else kinda feeling those 2 the whole movie? i was. is there any ship content for that? i feel like theres untapped potential there. gonna be bummed if theres nothing on AO3 tbh

– I can’t tell if I’m immune to horror or if this movie actually wasnt scary. It feels like Penboy only has one scare tactic and thats shake ur head real quick-like. And i do that when i mess up sentences to get my thoughts back on track u aint special bitch

– while nothing other than adrien mellon’s death really scared me I do think the scare scenes were a lot better this time around. better executed and all that. more thought was put into em

– I noticed a lot of really wonky edits esp in the antique shop scene and it kinda makes me wonder if they didnt get too many takes because stephen king didnt want to be there or what but like...every time they cut from Bill to that wide of stephen at the counter his coffee cup is moved and the book is at a different angle did y’all really only do like 1 fucking take of this shit???? I’d get a gotdamn F if I tried pulling something like that. I would get fuckin fired. And this movie with a billion dollar budget just let that slip on by???? I thought that this was gonna be a scene where oh no something spooky happens and the inconsistancies were supposed to be there to clue u in but no. its just bad editing.

– there was a lot of continuity errors in who was standing where or holding items in the deadlights pit where they did the ritual of chud. ignoring for a second that the losers pulled half their damn tokens out of nowhere when only a couple even had pockets on their person, that lampshade/demon container thing just kinda...appeared. Mike was not carrying that the whole time they were going through Neibolt and down. he also pulls a bag off his shoulder one second when hed never had one previously and then next shot theres no bag. my friend suggested that maybe this was like...to disorient you as the viewer and i think it was just like...somebody who fucked up real bad. It made it hard to track where anyone was in that space. but maybe im going to be the only person who notices that shit since im an editor so i have to always be looking for that, anyways this is why a script sup is so important 

– also as a film student who once (and only once, i aint ever doing that shit again) was producer for a short film I was literally screaming at the scene on the movie set. Like???? thats not how movies work!!!!!!!!!!!!!! theyre filming the ending that night!??!?!?! The ending they are still waiting for Bill to write?!??!?!? How did you build a set??? How did you cast for that??? If ur at into a physical location not in the studio how did u get location permits for that day????? WHO STARTS PRODUCTION OF A MOVIE BEFORE ITS WRITTEN WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?

– When Bill punches Richie in that recap of their chapter 1 fight there was a random red filter on the shot for 2 seconds who allowed that?? there was also this godawful blue food dye ass filter over one shot of the losers walking down the street. that shot was clearly filmed midday idk who they thought they were foolin with that. Just wait until night man. Again, i would be killed if i did that shit in a student film. but the brothers warn just let this happen????? WHY

#It movie 2019 #it chapter 2

[thelifetimechannel]

DIRK: So you're the alien vampire that's dating my kind-of-sister. DIRK: Hi. KANAYA: Hello KANAYA: Is Sister The Familial Relation You Claim There I Wasnt Sure KANAYA: Human Relationship Topiary Is A Concept I Am Still Mastering DIRK: It's not like ours is a good case to start with. Plenty would argue I'm not using the right designation. DIRK: But fuck that, I'm gonna call Rose my sister. Transitive property of siblings, bitches. KANAYA: Does That Make You My Sibling KANAYA: How Does This Work DIRK: The funny thing is, you're not far off. DIRK: By the archaic traditions of human marriage, if you two were human-married, you'd be my sister-in-law. DIRK: Welcome to the family, congrats on snagging the one person apparently stable enough to sustain such a relationship. KANAYA: It Was Touch And Go There For A Moment KANAYA: We Have Had At Least Two Crises Today KANAYA: But Hope Springs Eternal DIRK: I'm sure you two will make each other very happy. DIRK: The ceremony will be lovely. KANAYA: Ceremony DIRK: For this. Totally hypothetical human wedding. KANAYA: Um KANAYA: Thats The Formal Dress Event In Some Human Media For Matesprits To Demonstrate Their Commitment Right DIRK: Yes. DIRK: Yes it is. KANAYA: I See KANAYA: I Think We Are A Little Young For That Although Your Well Wishes Are Appreciated KANAYA: Or Were The Ages Depicted In Such Media Inflated KANAYA: Should I Be Expecting To See You Adorned In Some Sort Of Well Tailored Suit In The Near Future KANAYA: I Could Help With That KANAYA: What Is The Timing Situation Here KANAYA: Am I Behind DIRK: What? No. Oh god no. DIRK: Take your time, you girls have as much as you need, I'm just trying to make conversation here. KANAYA: Thats A Relief KANAYA: Im Not Sure What The Standard Milestones Are For Human Courtship I Was Never Much Good At The Troll Kind Anyway DIRK: Don't sweat it. DIRK: Nothing about us is standard. KANAYA: I Really Hope None Of You Are Taking Us As Representative Of Troll Society KANAYA: Then Again A Lot Were Much Worse KANAYA: I Dont Have Much Option Besides Assuming You All Are Representative Of The Human Race But Dave And Rose Assured Me They Were In Daves Terms KANAYA: Horrible Mutants Released From A Lab KANAYA: Rose Did Not Deny This Accusation KANAYA: I Think Shes Proud Of It DIRK: Sounds like her. DIRK: And him. DIRK: And us. DIRK: I'm pretty sure mine is a textbook case of how not to raise a human child with any factor of their well-being in mind, so adjust your standards accordingly. DIRK: Turn that dial down to "low" and let simmer until thoroughly roasted. KANAYA: If We Are All Unorthodox Due To Being Terrible Lab Gremlins At Least That Sets A New Standard For Orthodoxy DIRK: All of us are anomalies and should not have been counted. This is gonna throw our standard deviations all out of whack. KANAYA: Does A Dataset Composed Of Outliers Have Any Outliers At All KANAYA: Troll Janet Norwood Would Have Difficulty Coming Up With Any Kind Of Generalizability Here DIRK: I dare say that it's useless to draw any conclusions off that dataset. KANAYA: I Know My Initial Attempts To Make Assumptions Based On My Observations Of Humans Were Off Base To Say The Least KANAYA: Despite My Many Tactical Omissions I Was Thoroughly Given The Run Around DIRK: Ah yes. DIRK: The proud family tradition of never ceasing to fuck with each other. DIRK: I think Hal's going to try and make a religion out of it. KANAYA: Oh Just What We Need Another Strange And Confusing Religion KANAYA: I Had Only Just Breathed A Sigh Of Relief After We Left The Lights Of The Dark Carnival Behind Us For Good KANAYA: Dont Tell Karkat I Said That He Might Still Be Emotional DIRK: He didn't strike me as the kind to get down with the clown. KANAYA: Hes Not But There Is Some History There KANAYA: It Seems To Me There Are Several Codes Of Belief Floating Around Here That Are Solely Devoted To Fucking With People DIRK: Never tell Hal about it, then. KANAYA: I Will Take It To My Grave DIRK: The secret dies with you. KANAYA: In Which Case It Might Have A Very Long Lifespan Indeed KANAYA: But I Am Good At Keeping Quiet About These Things KANAYA: Maybe Too Good At That Actually DIRK: Can you handle it? DIRK: The pressure of knowing you are the last one alive to know the true fear of a clown horn? KANAYA: Terezi Also Bears That Burden KANAYA: Together We Will Create Educational Pamphlets For Our New Race Or Maybe Emergency Bulletins KANAYA: Knowledge Is The Best Defense DIRK: "Clowns are the enemy". DIRK: I wonder if that was somehow engrained into the DNA of the human race or if it's mostly just the fault of Stephen King and his spider-clown monster and sewer orgy. KANAYA: Well We Did Make Your Species And We Were Aware Of Subjuggulators At The Time KANAYA: Youre Welcome For Having That Coded Into Your Species DIRK: I'm sure severe coulrophobics the world over would thank you if they weren't all long dead. KANAYA: If Possible I Will Try To Cultivate Something Better This Time Around

#tlcstuck #dirk strider #kanaya maryam #walkaround 4 #cw: csa// #? #reference to a stephen king scene I'm not familiar with

[jaimednb-blog]

✧ * ☾ — [ troye sivan / homosexual / flexible pronouns ] - damn, i heard { jaime denbrough } just got cast on MTV! rumor has it they are a { twenty-one } year old { art student } from { dexter, maine }. the thing they are going to miss the most from home is { their walk-in closet }. on the show they are most likely going to be known as the { mercurial }. 

heLLO friends i am lainie and im rly annoying and talk about stephen king too much so good luck lmao anyway this is jaime my smol genderfluid gremlin and u can find some info abt him below !! ( tws for slight mention of homophobia and drugs )

so jaime was born in hardcore conservative seneca, south carolina, and literally from the get go it was just Bad News. since he was very very young he was sort of ~aware that he didn’t feel totally comfortable in his skin. he was always drawn to “““girly””” things, wanted to wear skirts and dresses, liked playing with his mom’s makeup, played with dolls instead of cars, all that good stuff. in particular though he usually just felt a lot more comfortable being around girls when he was little and he experienced ( and continues to experience ) a bit of dysphoria sometimes. most of the time it’s not bad and he feels alright in his body, but now and then it hits hard and he just sort of goes into anxiety mode and during those times he will go to his closest friends for comfort and validation

he’s almost always wearing skirts and dresses tho and pastels are his aesthetic

his pronouns are flexible! he’ll go by he/she/they/whatever. he is a genderfluid lil bb and very much appreciates being validated in his femininity

he has wonderful amazing parents which is very lucky for him because they made it extremely easy for him to start coming to terms with who he is, and especially growing up in a place where people weren’t inclined to be open-minded about lgbtq+ people, they provided a safe place for him to explore everything inside their home. unfortunately by the time he was 10 they started to realize it wasn’t gonna work out bc jaime was beginning to get adamant about dressing himself and wanting to wear dresses to school and so that was when the bullying really started. it worked out that his dad got an amazing job teaching philosophy at a uni in bangor, maine, so they moved nearby to dexter ( where his dad grew up ) when jaime was 11 and it wasn’t PERFECT but it was a lot better than being in the south

there was still struggle ofc, and by now jaime’s p much aware that there will always be a little struggle, but he has very much learned to embrace himself and be rly proud of who he is and ( most of the time at least ) be v content with himself and who he’s become

SO PERSONALITY wise he’s actually a sarcastic little shit, always stirring up trouble bc he’s Bored, likes doing things specifically to get a reaction out of people, and has mood swings like you’ve literally never seen before. this tiny terror will be the most affectionate kitten in the world one second and the next be flaky as fuck nd you couldn’t get his attention if u set off a bomb in front of him so good luck

when he’s in his kitten mode tho he’s Very Very Affectionate

he’s a little Slut honestly ?? he sleeps around and literally does not bother hiding it, he’s perfectly comfortable with people knowing. he like deep down rly wants intimacy and a real relationship but he genuinely doesn’t know how to settle down and so boys usually get rly fed up

the one actual relationship he’s had lasted abt 6 months and ended terribly so he’s like !!!!!!! fuck that !!!

he’s very hard to love. like he’s easy to become infatuated with but he’s honestly like a tornado or smth like in order to love this boi u have to be able to love something rly quite destructive and intense

um this bitch smokes so 👏 much 👏 weed 👏 like he generally has a joint or two on him tucked away somewhere. he is also, however, big-time against hard drugs ( coke, heroin, meth, etc ). he’s done coke a couple times, but like in general he won’t touch that shit !! and he’ll probably purse his lips at u if u do it in front of him, but unless ur like rly good friends he prob won’t actually say anything bc he tries not to be ~preachy. if ur good friends tho boy watch out he’ll randomly get pissed off abt it and start a fight eryfjyethyrgaudhsja

he’s like super into philosophy bc of his dad, and he’s intelligent so the concepts come to him quickly and easily, but he’s completely unable to apply those concepts to his real life he’s literally too childish. he also has a lot of random knowledge, catch him rhapsodizing about medieval juridical systems and the origins of whaling in america

also he’s an artist at heart, he’ll almost always start doodling on napkins and receipts etc no matter where he is or what he’s doing. he’ll usually have paint stains on his hands and arms and sometimes legs. he goes to art school !! we love a stupid ass art hoe. that’s jaime

he’s doing the show For The Vine and his parents are pursing their lips so hard about it

for reference he’s blond!troye but also he dyes his hair wild colors a lot so honestly it could be anything at any given time

so uhhh??????? that’s p much it for now ig, hmu on here or discord ( starslut#0877 ) for plotting !!!!!

#cabo:intro #throws flowers hello !!

[fish-d]

it’s time for jade’s lnd us tour opinions

just saw the new lnd at the boston opera house, saturday 2/10 2:00pm matinee, and it was. HOOO BOY IT WAS. SO MUCH. (in a good way i promise)

cast:

the phantom: bronson norris murphy christine: rachel anne moore madame giry: karen mason raoul: sean thompson gustave: jake heston miller meg giry: mary michael patterson fleck: yesy garcia squelch: richard koons gangle: stephen petrovich

ALRIGHT ok overall numerical rating, like, 8/10, which honestly isn't something i ever thought i'd say about LND, but i guess that goes to show You Can't Like Things Ironically. or at least i can’t we gonna do Onions chronologically, for simplicity's sake, but tl;dr: they changed a Lot of good shit but there are still A Couple Things id love to see addressed before alw stops pouring his pension into it (also for brevity's sake im gonna skip anything i dont have any Strong Opinions on, so if i didnt mention a jam its bc it was inoffensively good)

ACT ONE

'til i hear you sing - bronson is so good. he's a much hunchier/gremin-ier phantom than im used to with lnd (coming from the australian production and ben lewis's Big Man Scary Eyes erik) but he does it really well. he kind of swallows his words on low notes, but MMPH the belt at the end changed my damn life. 10/10

the coney island waltz - AHHH the fleck/gangle/squelch trio was EXCELLENT in this show - fleck was a little underehearsed, but as an u/s i Dont Mind and im impressed they did all the lifts so cleanly, seeing as she is a Lot bigger than katrina kemp. the aesthetic in this number is? SO much bigger and more striking live than it is on the dvd; everything is GORGEOUS and the stage was Very alive (altho its still a little slow when they're all coming out of the bigtop) 8/10

christine disembarks - i got a snap from @sapphic-corgi​ abt this during intermission that just read "meg is gay for christine" and tbh i feel it. this was definitely mary's emotional highpoint here noah fence

arrival of the trio - OK HERE WE GET SOME CHANGES I LIKE: they actually gave the disembarkers a proper ramp to come down, and as one of the new yorkers calls "look, it's christine daae!", she comes out of the ramp in the fog and strikes a really beautiful pose with a really beautiful smile - and she holds it until the flashes pop and her smile vanishes. its REALLY good and a striking example of her French Facade(tm) ala "masquerade". bless that change

what a dreadful town! - ok so big changes here i really jived with, particularly pertaining to raoul - they make him nicer with each iteration of lnd and every time its a good decision. london raoul genuinely seems on the edge of hitting someone the whole musical, but us tour raoul really IS trying, and i love it ! during his first back-and-forth with christine, they embrace each other, despite raoul's frustration, and as gustave plunks away on the piano he doesn't chastise him. instead, christine asks him what he's playing, and tells him its too late in the evening for it - but raoul seems proud of his kid, which is REAL nice. and then he goes and picks up the music box and remarks on its construction and sits down to play with gustave !!! he only leaves bc he gets the summons - so gustave still gets to mourn the lost time with his father, but you never get the feeling raoul is overmuch cruel. hes just. got Issues, Man (i will say, though, sean's performance seemed rather stilted in his dialogue? like he. doesn't know his lines? there were some PAUSES i was. suspicious of)

look with your heart - rachel anne moore has a phenomenal rapport with jake (which she attributes to having a daughter roughly the same age) and they both performed this excellently - jake flubbed a line and neither of them reacted to it at all, which i think is ESPECIALLY impressive for such a young performer. (HE'S TWELVE, Y'ALL, LORD)

beneath a moonless sky - ok this was the sexiest i have ever seen this performed - its SO passionate. rachel glides between "angry", "forlorn", "horny", and back to "angry" with INSURMOUNTABLE grace, holy FUCK, and bronson's phantom is so genuinely reticent and also Very Randy the whole time that i fuckin FELT IT, MAN. none of that mournful love dirge, here, they FUCKED and they want you to KNOW. i also appreciate the change from "i had to, both of us knew why" "we both knew why" - instead, christine responds "i don't know why". i feel like that's more poignant to the situation (bc really erik has No Good Goddamn Excuse)

once upon another time - @theatricalbride​ wept to this. i almost fuckin did. absolutely phenomenal

the beauty underneath - ok i bought these tickets because i heard the utica boot of this song (based on the hamburg production) and it fucking lived up to the expectation. oh my GOD. the lead-in w/ the phantom reprise was phenomenal; the movement between sets was so fluid; gangle, fleck, and squelch were there being Cool as Shit the whole time (and reacting to gustave's highnotes, which was baller. u rly get the sense they're close-ish with Mister Y and i love that). erik Touched gustave a lot in a  way that felt really Genuinely Phantomy and was so jazzed to be with his kid? GOD

the phantom confronts christine - bronson ripped my idiot heart out and threw it down the orchestra pit. when he reached for christine, sobbing, i thought i was going to Die Right There in the Balcony Seats

ACT TWO

why does she love me? - ok the actual song was good but i have some Onions abt mary's performance afterwards :/ im VERY fond of sharon millerchip from the australian production; she plays meg with a really honest sort of vulnerability, and her own fear of her dedication to erik makes "sail across the sea / put us out of mind / close your eyes and dream / let yourself stay blind" hit much harder - because meg is doing what she does less out of jealousy or a desire for vengeance, but out of desperation because she *doesn't know what else to do*. mary plays it... much angrier than i think the role works well with. mary's meg is Pissed about the events of lnd and it makes her later suicide attempt feel forced - because this meg would feel more natural trying to murder christine or erik intentionally, rather than herself

devil take the hindmost - the only laugh of the show was for "[pops up from behind the bar] not afraid of me, you say? B)" and tbh it was well-deserved; the timing was Excellent. sean performed much more admirably in act two, particularly here, and i could like. smell the whisky on him; he was so fucking plastered. also when erik came at him he dragged a chair between the two of them, as if to hide from him, and im STILL laughing about it - esp bc erik tossed it across the fucking room, into another chair. 3-chair casualty for this number (and my e/r heart Really Appreciated how vicious they were ehe)

mother, did you watch? - similar onions to "why does she love me?": mary just seems MAD here, and i think it does a disservice to meg, as a character P:

before the performance - 1) erik does the "angel of music" enchanting reach thing to pull christine to the mirror and give her the necklace, and its a GOOD setup for the aria, and 2) honestly i know it was in the australian production but i just want to say the "twisted every way" reprise here destroyed me, mind & body. my god. (also erik and raoul are onstage in the rafters for this so thats neat)

love never dies - so i have No Idea if this happens in any other production, but for the US tour, as christine sings, she looks back and forth at erik and raoul, who are flanking the stage/implied to be in the wings - and as she looks a little too long at erik, raoul storms off, and it looks like christine forgets the words and begins to panic - until erik reaches out, as aforementioned, and enchants her to hit those fucking stellar keychange high notes that made my heart stop fucking beating, so that was a Good Detail

ah, christine! - raoul wasn't in the mirror for the "little lotte" reprise, but i imagine that's a visibility issue (bc u Cannot see that mirror from the balcony) - but ok. they keep fixing plot holes in this, but they still left in "i know where she's taking him" from erik - literally how. how does he know. what would have Really made it is would be see raoul go with them, and for him to know where gustave was being taken because he was suspicious of/empathetic towards meg after their conversation in the bar. like their Bit before "devil takes the hindmost" FEELS like a setup for this resolution and im beefed they didn't take the opportunity to use it.

streets of coney island - OOOOH THIS WAS SO GOOD the cacophonous "beauty underneath" reprise here was wonderful, and it gives a new appreciation to the coney island set, especially now that the musical has taken a Darker tone. the frantic chase here is EXCELLENT, and its busy enough that you never see christine, giry, or the phantom until they Want you to (big shoutout to bronson’s GUSTAAAAVE holler)

conclusion - im still bothered they don't Do anything with raoul, but besides that, this scene was. genuinely heartwrenching. erik's quiet plea for christine not to tell gustave of his real parentage was SO striking. IT WAS A GREAT CONCLUSION and the fade-out on gustave stroking erik's face was SO UPSETTING (altho jake "pushed" more than tapped him and i thought for a hot second they were gonna go full sweeney todd and gustave was gonna push him into the fucking ocean)

so uhhhhh i went to this intending for it to be simple and fun entertainment i could rib later and i wept real tears ! negativity is hard to maintain in the face of incredible work and craftsmanship from literally everyone involved. fantastic fucking job; im mad this tour is moving on and i wont get to hear rachel hit those fucking high notes again

(also: everyone was lovely at the stagedoor and as much as i complained about mary here, she complimented my hair and i love her very much)

#love never dies #lnd #lnd us tour #poto #phantom of the opera #personal bullshit #ok to reblog #txt #big s/o to theatricalbride for coming with me along w/ my buddies sunny and gabrielle #caiden just happened to fucking be there lmao

[survivor-iceland]

Ep. 13 - “So its been a dayyyyyyy Jayyyyyyy” - Jack

Timmy

How in the fuck am I still here?!?! I'm overjoyed and this is incredible. Tbh Jack totally just fucked his game but this is so good for me, even if I get out at 6, I still made it a little further than I thought I would've. Also, Raffy really popped the fuck off and it was so funny to watch. I'm just in a really good mood right now.

Maynor

I cant believe idol play was amazing but it wasnt needed. Sjdbsb it was 4-3 for Jack to go is crazy. And im so happy that Timmy stayed in the game. I dont want to play the game without him. So im super happy that he’s still in. We need to win this immunity and keep it away from zoe and Raffy. We need those options open. And also try n keep the idol away from them.

Raffy

Last night was a wild trip. Firstly, I cannot believe Ellie would betray us like that when Maynor is still in this fucking game. No one, except me, seems to think that he's going to win if we keep letting him have control of the game. It's as if I am in a game with a bunch of sheep where I am the only free thinker. This applies to Jack too since he voted out Ellie instead of Timmy in the revote. Like imagine keeping Timmy in this game when he has done so much!!! Like we just keep letting them get away with things and we just keep letting them have control of the game. I'm sick of it!!! I can only trust Zoe now since apparently everyone else is too brain dead to see the obvious threats in this game. I pretended to be fake mad to Jack in order to keep him on our side. I told him that my aggression was a ploy to make them think that he's on their side. I mean I was real mad, but he doesn't need to know that. I don't know whether the lie worked or not, but I just need to find an idol or win immunity because I am sick of Maynor and Timmy being like cockroaches in the nuclear fallout. Like??????? And don't get me started on the goat Joseph who doesn't even know how to talk to people properly. All of them can go fuck off for all I care. 

Raffy

Well I didn't find the idol, and I know that Jack is on the other path with that BS rotating puzzle. So, tomorrow I'll be doing the tundra and hopefully find it before anyone else, otherwise my time in this game is running out. I don't know how well I will do with the immunity challenge, but I have to be confident to do well. I'm praying that Zoe found something because we desperately need it if onyl to prevent Maynor from having it.  

Raffy

Also this is the mood for the rest of the game for John and Ellie and maybe Zoe if she doesn't make it to FTC with me:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0U_Cdrbols

Timmy

Raffy is so fucking smug. He laughed whenever someone messed up in the challenge and basically almost cackled when Maynor and I got it. Like don’t fucking kick me when I’m down. 6th is my Achilles heel and I’m already freaking out. 

Jack

So its been a dayyyyyyy Jayyyyyyy. First Zoe comes in here like, "hey my idol still works" so my and raffy and zoe are like okayyyy we have to freaking one of us get immunity so its at least 2/3 and then zoe wins, and then moments later i finished the HELL PUZZLE WITH THE POINTY IDENTICAL LOOKING PIECES AND BACKGROUND and whoops i found the idol, so theoretically the three of us are like 3/3 safe and can vote out maynor. He's a sweet guy but like yeet. Raffy might be in trouble if zoe like wigs out and doesnt use the idol on him/ was like totally bullshitting about it? but i hope she aint cause yeah

Raffy

I'm glad that Zoe won the immunity challenge because it keeps safety away from both Maynor and Timmy. I wanted to win it, but I am proud that Zoe was able to either way. Her idol will be extremely useful going into this next round as we are planning to use it on me in order to make sure that 2/3 of us are safe tonight. Additionally, if the votes ends up tying 3-3, we can make sure that Jack is safe by revoting and keeping him in this game. Although, I doubt it has to come to that because Jack has also found an idol from the rehidden hunt. This means that all three of us will be safe going into this next tribal council unless they have an idol nullifier. Even then they still can only nullify one which means we're still the dominating force. Basically all is looking on the bright side for Raffy in this vote, and I hope things go smoothly in spite of my confidence.

Jack

I don't remember if I already made a confessional on this, but i found an idol, so now Zoe has immunity, she's gonna play her idol on Raffy, and imma play mine on me. Timmy's been hitting me and Zoe up about flipping on Raffy but we ain't doin thatttttt. Also Joseph was like "what happened in the challenge," and then was like what you thinkinnnnnnn. Maynor in general is like kinda accepted fate vibes. Hopefully everything goes well tonight.

Timmy

I’m distraught and upset. I guess it’s pretty much guaranteed that either myself or Maynor will be leaving tomorrow. I’m so sad and he deserves to stay so much and deserves to win and if he stays, I will not regret anything I did in this game. I want him to be happy and I know he belongs in this game and seeing him happy makes me so happy. 

Raffy

The plan right now is for Zoe to use her idol on me and for Jack to use his idol on himself so that we are all safe at tribal council tonight. My FTC plan right now is Zoe, Joseph, and I. I love Jack, but he needs to go because I feel like he beats me at the end. He has an amazing redemption arc, and he has pulled off so many things in his short time here without many social connections. That's pretty impressive. However, I want to take him out at F5 or F4 because I still need him on my side. My boot order currently is Maynor -> Timmy -> Jack. However, Jack is also good at challenges which means I have to pry the immunity necklace from his hands. I know I can beat him. I just have to go out there and do it. 

Maynor

Tonight might be my last night in the game and its bittersweet. I feel like i played a good game. I also feel like i was given credit for the moves Ive made. I am very proud of myself, and usually im always very hard on myself. I feel like this was my most out there game play ive had and im still very in aw that i was able to pull off a 4-3-3, vote 3-2-2 vote, able to flip Jack to vote Ellie saving Timmy, found an idol and many things. This has been a favorite game even though i might be out tonight. Like they know Ive played hard and i kept fighting to stay in this game. Tribal is going to be 3-3. We are voting jack (me timmy joseph) and (zoe raffy jack) are most likely voting for me once again. I hope. Jack has the idol cuz he did the trees path were i knew it was going to be at but my dumbass decided to do mountain instead. Jack is either going to use his idol on Raffy to try n avoid a tie or of jack plays it on himself and he negates all his votes. Either way. We are going to lose someone and they arent. So whatever happens tonight i will be content with cuz ive done everything that i could to try and survive. ❤️ Jay for having me back. Youre the best. Love you. ❤️

Maynor

My thoughts on 5 of the Final 6 people in the game: 1. Jack- oh the second boot. Was very paranoid early of this game and its understandable. Did good in EOE and returned to the game. Seemed to fall into place to Raffy’s side by not even talking to me or people who were working with me. Made his own ‘move’ by doing Ellie during F7 vote. But honestly it was not a good move for him. Even though I preached Jack has his own story. Honestly, he is still kind of a goat. No one would vote for him to win over others left in the game. Going to the end with Zoe and Raffy is his death sentence but going also everyone else in the game is his death sentence. 2. Joseph- people are saying he is a goat but that is not necessarily true. He has made moves in this game to help his position in it. He took the opportunity at f10 to make a move. Again with John vote. Dylan vote as well. Same with Jack that turned to Ellie vote off. The moves he has made were to help him make it to the end. People are underestimating his game play and if he makes it to the end then he really deserves to win it. Especially over like Jack. Also Raffy and Zoe tbh. 👀 MaynorPart 2: 3. Zoe- Zoe is a good player. But gameplay this season, i dont think she deserves the win. She was already voted out. All her strategic moves did not go according to plan. Was over confident and cocky and comfortable in the game. Wasnt going to make it to the final 7 anyways because her allies Raffy and Dylan were going to take her out. Her game play after making it back into the game due to eoe has made her into a goat. Like if someone votes for her to win its due to them being bitter over everyone else. She didnt try to make connections with everyone. She went right back to the people she was working with. And you can feel the ooze of over confidence when she said “im fitting in perfectly” when her as only talked to Raffy and ellie and Jack. So 🤷‍♂️ Honestly social game aint that good either. 4. Raffy- oh boi. Raffy raffy. Were do I start. None of his plans have happened besides the Stephen vote and even that he said it wasnt his move. Gave it to Dylan. So 🤷‍♂️ What moves has he done really? Hes been rude to a few people here and honestly leaves a bad taste in my mouth (game wise) cuz its been more game talk from him. He gets mad when things dont go his way and just starts yelling at people that they made the bad decision. But he still fought in this game. I would gove my vote to him over people like Zoe and Jack. MaynorPart 3: 5. Timmy- can i say how proud i am with Timmy this season. His social game was amazing and strong. He had people wanting to work with him and was in a good spot for a bit. He felt in the bottom and made a move. Since then has been fighting to stay in the game. Got ellie to flip on her alliance. Said Dylan’s name for the target. He played an idol on me instead of himself. He really did all that in this game and he has a big shot to win this game. He just has to reach the final 3. I feel that he can do that. He’s a great person and honestly gunna be sad now going to be able to finish this game with him. Would have been amazing to be able to sit with him at the end of the game. But alas ive made myself into a huge target that no one would want to work with me to get to the end and i understand. It just sucks i wont be able to finish this game with him. But he would be a great winner. And he deserves it with the game he has played. Im wishing him the all the luck and sending him good vibes for the rest of the game. ❤️

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 10 - “I wanna merge” - Thomas

alright just a recap of the round since i was at work all day! i was suuuuper excited that despite being in the warzone i was there with owen and matt my main boiz. also now people don't need to go bitching that i haven't been there yet anymore xoxo bite me cullan u bitch. apparently right when we got to the warzone tommy threw out adrian's name to trace bc he's still pressed about him calling him inactive during the round that nehe left which i mean eyeroll but ok. so as soon as i heard this i told matt, which probably was a mistake on my part but oh well. at that point i still was wanting to go through with what matt had wanted which was an alliance with us, adrian, and maynor. matt tells me last night though that adrian apparently initially brought up wanting to vote myself or owen due to challenge prowess, and i'm assuming the fact that we're winners as well. again, eyeroll. i brush it off and am like well let's sleep on it and see where we're at in the morning. so i tell owen all of this as well and make him promise me not to leak bc this could've potentially been a big round for us depending on what we wanted to do. he agreed with me that adrian even suggesting our names in passing wasn't a cute look and i didn't really wanna stand for that. we talked about it in pms and then again in the paradise hotel chat and it was odd bc then traces' information and actions were always seemingly right behind us. i'm fairly certain matt was leaking all of it to him but ok. i mean i hope he wasn't, but we'll see. trace and adrian got close real fast if they weren't already so that was kind of another point that i was trying to drive home with matt. good ol' matt kept mentioning yk that me and owen are his main people and that he doesn't care if adrian goes and at that point it just felt like ok well put your money where your mouth is. so we push for that and come to the conclusion that we really just need us, tommy and chloe obvs bc she's not gonna vote herself. the group decides to leave trace out of it after i bring up how trace apparently has all of the tea so maybe it wasn't getting leaked to him afterall??? idk shrug. i did let stephen know what was going on a little before tribal, i probably should've confirmed with him earlier but i wasn't sure how much he was willing to trust me with kind of right away like that. everything goes right as planned and adrian leaves 6-2??? happy to be back and out of the warzone, but i miss matt and owen already, but corey is back with me now!!! oh that reminds me apparently matt is wary of both ian and corey so i gotta keep an eye on that moving forwards and plan accordingly. ummmm also trace messaged me and was like hey so what happened?? i decided to tell him that i legit must've misunderstood messages from someone and that he was back to voting adrian. idk i just played dumb so i hope he bought it. he was like yeah as long as it was miscommunication and not me getting fucked over it's cool sdjgksdlg like what am i supposed to say to that.... yes i was trying to fuck u over u right.... got me!! 

Genuinely surprised Chloe survived after being a target for so long, makes me suspicious there might be another alliance out there, because most people told me Adrian, they might not trust me yet, hopefully voting with them helped me there.

If I’m being truly honest. This challenge is so weird that i dont think imma be able to like do iy. Might be a warzone trip for me this round and it sucks because I dont want to go. Like Adrian was someone i could have worked with but he left 6-2 and I hope it wasnt Matt who voted Cloe.

---

I got the first one in 6 clicks. I hope im able to get the rest pretty quickly but i dont know if i move from kuwait or i start from survivor again.

Part 1. I have emotional motion sickness. Somebody pls roll the windows down. I'm scared to lose Matt or Owen at this tribal. I don't see it happening but it still worries me. Ideally, Thomas leaves. Kait or Stephen leaving aren't the worst case scenarios either. Realistically, I predict Trace or Stephen. Trace.... pls survive. I'll send this confessional in two parts. Will be writing the second part later tonight. Part 2. Well. Adrian left. this is bad for my game. Is it worst case scenario? no. But Trace didn't vote him out; Matt did. Matt betrayed Adrian and Kait basically told me so. I cannot trust Matt as much as I thought I could; but maybe his allegiance is to Owen primarily as Matt sold Adrian out bc Adrian wanted to target Kait/Owen. It's hectic but Adrian was a number for my game, personally. I'll do my espionnage and try to keep tabs on what everyone is thinking. Oh, and attempt to win immunity again!

Well, last night's war zone did NOT go as I expected. I really thought that everyone was on board to vote Chloe, but I was clearly mistaken. The tribal left me a little confused, and genuinely nervous about what my fate would be if I were to return to the war zone in the near future. There are a few things that I did learn from this war zone, however. I really think that matt is kind of calling the shots over there. He seemed to be the sneakiest one, and was the one lie that kind of hurt the most. Kait claims that she thought I knew the vote was Adrian, and that is was a mistake on her part. I don't fucking buy it. Kait is clearly close with Thomas (she literally calls him Tommy), but decided that they couldn't trust me enough to tell me in the end the vote wasn't chloe. I did not appreciate that. I hate being in war zones where people who are inactive get to stay because somehow, someone figured out how to goat them to the end. I am going to do my best to stay out of the war zone this round, but this challenge is confusing so I have no idea if I even have a chance.

Im really nervous for this immunity. I hope i had a quick clicks. If not I hope im with people i can work with and not be voted out. Im anticipating a merge soon but how it works idk.

http://prntscr.com/nu7q5f what kind of false scorpio antics.......... 

Me? Safe again? Hskshdjd who woulda THOUGHT!!! I’m glad madison is finally safe I feel like the more she goes the more time she has to make connections lmao. I know she rlly wanted to be safe this time for some reason but part of me thought she had been throwing tbh so she could actually play the game which isn’t a bad strategy. I feel really bad for matt going again :( but I think he will be okay. Here’s hoping they send Stephen out please and ty!!!! In other news I still think I’ve never talked to Ian or corey which is funny af because corey could be my number one in this game. I feel like he will be loyal to me once we make it together.... I rlly just hope him and Kait don’t clash, but I’m scared af because Matt was sus about corey getting renee out and I haven’t gotten to tell corey that yet. Hopefully when the time comes I can get corey and Kait to work together and the three of us can go to the end somehow. I’m not gonna turn on Kait. I can’t turn on corey. It’s gonna be messed up if they ever start to target each other bc Kait doesn’t know I’m close with him but he knows I’m close with her nnnn

Kait thinks I'm targeting pairs, huh? Well, yes but actually no. I'm targeting pairs in the since that members of those pairs are people I don't think would work with me, I'm not targeting them for being pairs. I've got a pair in Leo I want to work with, also MY SIGN PARTNER IS STILL IN THE GAME, albeit barely. It has become abuntly clear to me that Matt does not have over lapping interests with me in this game. The man is out there spreading propaganda against me to Kait and Owen, who has never met me might I add so he sees me exactly as I see him. A threat. Kait, I thought you were warming up to me, but please keep thinking Corey is who you should confide in, he's totally not closer to me or anything.

This Warzone is really stressing me out. I don’t think I have the same allies I’m usually confident with. There’s Devon and Trace and Maynor and Chloe but I only can trust them so much because none of them are working together. I’m hoping to get out timmy or Stephen who I don’t know and don’t trust but I also know that my name certainly could be coming up soon enough because with each tribal I survive I become a bigger and bigger threat. I’m ready for some idol shenanigans if need be but I’d love to save that shit for down the road.

The names being thrown out right now are Cloe, Timmy, and Stephen. I much rather have Timmy stay because we are actually working together in this game rather than against. Stephen even tho we dont talk much there is still that connection through his game he hosted and one we played together. Getting majority on Cloe will be great because she wont get dragged to the f3 and take a spot that could be mine.

This warzone feels different. It’s an odd group and a lot of people who haven’t been together. So it’s somewhat quiet but also contentious since anything could happen at this point. Not sure how tonight will play our, should be fun....

So the vote seems to be Chloe, yet she always gets votes and it’s never her so naturally I’m weary. I think this will be the time though, especially with who is at this tribal. Trace was saying Devon had said Stephen, which I don’t want him going because he would be a good number for me. Trace also said that Matt said my name but I think he’s now on the Chloe train...I’m hoping. Either way I doubt he would have majority. I’m hoping I stay because it’s about to be merge and I think I’ve been doing well so far. I’m proud of how social I have been with people, it’s not the best, but it’s a lot better than I usually am.

It looks like the vote is locked on Cloe but still very awkwardly quiet. I hope nothing crazy goes down. *knocks on wood*

Don’t mind me just dying and having no idea what’s going on at all hahaha probs gonna be voted out next xoxox 

This better be the last Warzone, I wanna merge.

So, with little debate, I think we settled on voting Chloe. Originally, Devon and Matt wanted to vote Stephen, but I had to convince them onto Chloe because I want to make sure we have more people on our tribe than theirs so that I have a chance of winning immunity. Matt told me he heard Timmy's name which is weird. I think he was just trying to scare me. I told Timmy about it, and Timmy was upset, but I really don't think it went anywhere. Chloe came to me and told me that she would vote anyone as long as it wasn't her. I really don't trust Matt even though he keeps telling me that I can trust him, so idk. Maybe I'll flip the script at the last minute and try to get everyone Matt at the last minute, but we shall have to see if that's smart for me... idk

#survivorstarzone #episodes

[transguykeith]

i wanted to ask u a few of the writer asks but i can't decide which one i want to ask you most, could you answer all the asks? lmao if its too muh of a mission i can just decide on a few

It’s not like I’m doing anything else so yeah, why not. I just won’t ones that might not apply. I’ll put some of this under a read more:

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

usually some sort of character study of sorts mixed in with scattered events to lead to an ultimate end goal.

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

im a sucker for a good soulmate au, so maybe one of those eventually

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

i would never write an abo fic, just no

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

um, a LOT, like a ton of them my main one is a college au of sorts centering around Yuuri and Phichit as well as Victor, its title is Made of Stars and its gonna be fun to write

5. Share one of your strengths.

i mean, i guess im okay at character studies, but i dunno, im really not super great

6. Share one of your weaknesses.

pretty much everything, im not great at connectivity or writing in a pretty style. like i just kinda write, im not particularly great at it

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and  explain why you’re proud of it.

This is from chapter 5 of You’re Not Alone:He danced because he skated, and he skated because skating was flying. And somewhere along the way he forgot what had drawn him to it the first place. He supposed that that was what he was searching for some days, that spark that started everything.

That spark that started a fire, a fire that’s flames were the smallest they had ever been. It was almost funny how one small moment could all but extinguish him. A spark started it all, ballet was just kindling, ice skating was logs, and he was a forest ablaze. But it was as if that one moment had sucked the oxygen from the air and the flames died, it suffocated him.

This is a bit flowwier than some of what i write, it’s one of my favorite lines because it encompasses what i have him feeling in that exact moment

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

I think this is one of my favorites, it’s from chapter 17 of You’re Not Alone:

“I’m glad too,” Otabek smiled. “It’s how this doing goes though. You dedicate your soul, mind, and body to the ice and you don’t always get to leave without losing something to it. It’s give and take, we’re all just caught in an intricate dance until the fates bottom us out one way or another.”

“When did you go all serious on me?” Yuri teased. He had gotten used to Otabek’s propensity for the occasional dramatic monologue though, they gave a good look into the head of his friend.

“Think about it Yuri,” Otabek clearly wasn’t done. “Here we are, the pinnacle of humanity, literally trying to carve a place for ourselves in history. We have to fight the fundamentals of the universe to do what we do, work against gravity itself all while having a timer above our heads. Who knows when it will expire and the ice will take it all away. We fight everything to be able to do this: the laws of physics, the passing of time, even our own bodies. That’s what makes you a soldier, we all fight this fight but you’re out there with a makeshift helmet and a sharpened stick while the rest of us have full armor and swords. And who is it that we see winning the battle time and time again, you.”

“Did you really drag me out here to give a dramatic monologue on how impressive I am,” Yuri flushed at the barrage of compliments. “You’re such a dork,” he buried his face in his hands.

I just really like how it turned out.

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

I guess You’re Not Alone just because of how long it is, but it depends. some of it has been very easy to write and some of it ( ahem my current chapter) has been really hard

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write? 

I’ve written a lot of little drabbles and one shots that i havent posted anywhere but the easiest was probably the little request i did yesterday which is either titled “Pretty Darn Cute” or “The second prettiest boy in the world”

11. Is writing your passion or just a fun hobby?

a little bit of both really

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

if you have an idea, write it down immediately. it doesnt matter if youre currently engaged in something else, write that shit down or you WILL lose it

14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

not necessarily advice, but like the idea of only writing it if you think its good

16. If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?

can I say Yuri Plisetsky and happiness, because yes

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

I tend to write my chapters in order, but within each chapter i jump around a bit and then connect everything

18. Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines?

I have an outline in my head that i sometimes write down, im usually good about following it

19. Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse?

my muse is the genderless ghost that haunts me it stares into my cold soul and pokes me until i words

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

I prefer it to be kind of dark and i like to be nice and cozy, though sometimes ill be struck with random inspiration and have to write it no matter where i am

21. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Ha, revising?! whats that

25. What do you look for in a beta?I have never had a beta, but if i did have one i would like someone to help me idea bounce and keep my writing from sounding choppy

26. Do you beta yourself? If so, what kind of beta are you? 

I haven’t but i would be willing to if anybody wanted me to. I’m pretty good with general editing skills and idea flow

30. Do you accept prompts?

yes! please send me prompts i love them. I cannot exaggerate how much i appreciate being sent prompts

31. Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

i would say im right in the middle about this, it really depends on what im writing though

32. How do you feel about smut?

ive never really tried my hand at it, i havent written anything that calls for it, but my next fic might

33. How do you feel about crack?

i kind of have written some stuff that could be considered borderline crack, but most of it isnt fanfic and i havent shared that

34. What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?

personally, i probably wouldn’t write it, but if its necessary for a backstory then maybe but certainly not in detail

35. Would you ever kill off a canon character?

oh certainly, just depends on the fic im writing

36. Which is your favorite site to post fic?

ao3

37. Talk about your current wips.

my main wip is Youre Not Alone and that one is getting close to its end, i know where it’s going and how it will end i just have to write my way there, but I’ve had some pretty bad writers block in regards to it lately

38. Talk about a review that made your day.

i got this one really long review gushing about how much my story meant to them and how reading it always made their day feel better and that was just such a nice review and it made me really happy. Another one i really liked was somebody complimenting something i did that a lot of other people complained about so i really appreciated that one

39. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

ive gotten a few upset reviews about something i included in You’re Not Alone, but i cant do much about it. i once got a review about four chapters in asking why yuri had a menstrual cycle and this wasnt rude exactly, but how do you read that far without knowing he’s trans in my fic

#ask #this was long #here you go though #lee you gotta not

[itsdumbgirlthings]

Day 4-7

Tuesday, January 7, 2020 22:32

look at that. I missed more days. This is going swimmingly

Today was memen’s bday and overall it was lovely.

It was a pretty frustrating day otherwise though. I was frustrated with both my father and my older sisters.

But memen herself and her birthday was the highlight and made the day much more manageable despite everything else.

I just really hate how Donna needs to be in control of everyone’s bday. I know she means well, but sometimes she just needs to relax and let everyone else celebrate how they want to celebrate their own birthday. Also what is her problem with driving and money? She’s so stubborn it hurts. Like she is not willing to compromise even if it benefits the whole group. She will be stubborn unless it benefits her. Dividing up the check was like pulling teeth. It came down to 6 cents and she was asking how we were going to divided that. We’re already agreed that everyone is paying for what they got, splitting taxes and such, and there were still cents unaccounted for, so now she had to recalculate everything.  

Daisy needs to come to terms that she lives a whole state away. She’s married and even has her own house. Why is it suddenly my fault that I forget to include her in plans when she has a whole life of her own now? Its no one’s fault. Its life. People move on. We can’t stay a pack forever. If she really wanted to be there for memen’s bday then she would come here herself. I shouldnt have to tell her anything, thats not my responsibility. She lives 4 hours away. I asked her this past weekend when she was going to be back and she said not until this coming weekend. Did she forget it was her sister’s bday in between those days. I assumed nothing. I asked when she will be back. I wasnt going to tell her to leave her home and come here when she was planning on being back this weekend. I understand that she’s not the happiest down there, so why did she get married and moved there if she’s not happy? She said she wasnt working or doing anything anyway so why didn’t she make a point to come here on her own? Did she have to wait for me to tell her of a plan? Maybe she could’ve made plans herself. Would she only want to come up if there was a plan? We always have plans for our birthdays. This is why I’m so frustrated. We have always had a plan for the day of the birthday and weekends prior and after the day of the birthday. There’s usually at least 2 plans. She didn’t have to wait for anyone to tell her anything.

Then theres my dad. I was at home, trying to fix myself something to eat, and he comes storming down the stairs asking me about my letter from Probation and all hell broke lose once I tried to reassure him that I was going to talk to my probation officer soon, I have already talked to her, I have receipts of payments, she has receipts of payments and he still was angry!

The lack of communication between my parents and I, my older sisters and I, are getting really old. Im getting so frustrated lately. 

Actually communicating with people have been frustrating. I remember why i didnt talk to people or asked anyone of anything in the first place. I really feel like most people can rant to me and explain to me and complain to me about anything and everything. Then I start to do it and I just feel dismissed. I feel that way about Sara too. 

I know I cant expect everyone to be as approachable and understanding. But I just feel like they’re not even making an effort to be. I just feel like almost everyone is staying stagnant while I’m trying to change for myself. I dont want people to change for me, but I know that they have the ability to become better versions of themselves and I can’t understand why they are not reaching for those opportunities. 

Complacency, Control, codependency.....

The past few days have been great though. Stephen hit me up today. I usually hit him up and he called me and asked me if I can blaze and my heart melted.

I feel like i need to trade a good relationship romantically with a frustrating relationship with my family. I can never have both. It cant ever be perfect like that. That everything just falls to place and becomes less stressful. I know its me too. I let them get on my nerves. But I used to not do that and I became the person I am. Anxious, depressed, self-doubting, self-harming, suicidal. Now im actually trying to know and understand my worth. But i feel like everyone has pretty much confirmed all my fears and the reasons why I want to kill myself. They do think i am a burden. They do think that i somehow have ill intent by not inviting them to memen, francis and I’s plans. They do think I cause problems. My dad thinks im disrespectful. I can’t expect to change them but they expect me to change for them. I can’t expect them to treat me differently but the want me to treat them a certain way. It’s a double standard. All the reasons that makes me anxious are real. All the reasons that made me depressed are real.  Others expect me to make an effort but I can’t expect others to make an effort the same way. I need to accept others for the way they are, but I can’t expect others to accept me the way I am. 

So what do I do. I’m gonna not care how things affect others just like they obviously dont care how certain things affect me. They’re not responsible for my emotions and I am not responsible for theirs. All I can do is explain and defend myself. And yes it is worth it everytime. I dont care if it cause more of a problem. They’ve said their piece and im not just going to shut up anymore and not say mine. I have as much of a right of defending myself as anyone else. I have a right to speak my mind and for others to listen to what I have to say. I listen to what others say and by golly, they will hear me too.

Anyway, Stephen and I had a great day yesterday. I had a good brunch with Allie and Sara. I had a good time with memen and francis at spizzico and the point today....Overally, life is good and I cant complain. I just need to rant sometimes so I dont keep all this is my heart. Maybe I can understand them better too. I am honestly more concerned. Thats where the anxiety comes from. I don’t know. The more I interact with my older sisters, the more I like having the space between. They’ve just been different. I thought they’d be the same as they were when they were my age. I thought when I turned into my 20s I’d be hanging out with them, and they’d be proud of me. But recently they’ve just been more judgmental. It feels a little hypocritical of them. I hoped that I could be more open to them and now i just want to close my self from them. I was hoping they’d be more sympathetic. But I just feel like a burden. I just feel like I’m leeching off others. Feeding from their energies and finances. 

Except for memen and francis, right now, I have very little to live for. I dont really mean that anymore. I wanna live for me. They just bring me down when they see me getting up and I’m a little proud of myself for that. 

Nah, somedays I just reeally want to kill myself to spite everyone. Honestly, fuck you guys. You know I can’t make it on my own out here and yet you still kick me out. You know I can’t make it out there and you still tell me I can’t stay long enough because I’m suicidal. You know I can’t make it on my own in the world right now and yet you make me feel worried about living here and expect me to call you friend. You know I’m having a hard time trying to wrap my head around everything and you dismiss what I have to say, then lecture me of your own philosophy as if it was truer than my own without even giving me a chance to speak my mind completely. 

I’m just done with being dismissed. with not being heard. I’m done with others having strong opinions and once I express my strong opinions it gets only negative responses. I just want to express myself and have someone like me to be understanding on the other side just like others can express themselves in front of me and I have nothing but respect.  

I just want to be validated. I just want to be heard. I just want someone to sympathize, to see me as I am. They dont need to accept me, they dont need to like me, but I just want to be seen as a person who can have her own opinions and her own morality too. I just want to be seen. I just want people to stop looking at me as if I’m translucent. I want people to see my genuine self and go about their day. I’m not a bad person. 

I just want someone to tell me, you’re doing your best. 

I’m doing my best.