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rafesgiirl · 2 months

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I'm not a violent dog, I don't know why I bite

summary: rafe can't control his emotions, he doesn't know how to vent, he doesn't even know what's the thing that feels inside of him, until y/n showed up

warnings: ANGST ANGST, mentions of Rafe's dead mother, cursing, mentions of ward being an absolute dick

author's note: THIS IS MY FIRST FIC 😭 I know it sucks, but I tried my best, it's based on a TikTok edit, this one, I hope you like it 😭😭.

word count: around 2000

ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE

rafe cameron has always been seen as an aggressive person, as the one who 'handles the business', as that drug addict kid, as the one who killed sheriff peterkin, the one who had the guts to drown his sister.

few knew the backstory, and those who did... didn't even care.

"rafe cameron is bad" "rafe cameron is aggressive" "rafe cameron is crazy"... what rafe cameron really was was a broken kid, but no one seemed to notice it.

that day everything changed, that day he met the girl of his dreams, pretty face and nice body, a smile to die for, her long eyelashes...

her name was y/n y/l/n, she was a beautiful girl, that anyone would drool over.

"uh.... hi... are you— are you new?" he asked the bright-eyed girl.

"oh! hi! yes, I'm new over here" she laughed, a laugh that could stop wars if only they could hear it. “my name is y/n y/l/n, what is yours?” y/n looked directly into his eyes, as if she was searching for something, he felt intimidated, he felt as if she could see right through him.

“rafe…, ‘s nice to meet ya’” the tone of his voice making clear that he was uncomfortable.

“rafe? that's a beautiful name, it suits you so well!”

“thanks..” he furrowed his brows, who was this girl and why was she so captivating?

“oh! wait! rafe? like in Rafe Cameron???”

shit, she knew who he was, she was probably going to say all the bullshit that he didn't need to hear, but before he even had the chance to walk away, she started rambling.

“oh lord! I can't believe it! your family owns Cameron developments right?? oh god my dad ‘s super friend of yours! that means that we could be friends too, right rafe??” those words slipped from her mouth before she could notice she covered her mouth with her hands and then she giggled. “‘m sorry rafe”

his gaze softened at this girl, she was too sweet, almost innocent. he took a deep breath and smiles softly at her.

“no, ‘s fine, we could be friends… yeah— if you want to, yeah?”

“yey!” was the only thing before she squealed and went away giggling and running.

that girl… that girl had something, something that intrigued rafe.

some months passed by, he and she got along really nice, their families often got together so it made it easier for them to develop a friendship.

y/n and rafe got along just well, hanging out, partying together, laughing and smiling... something that he believed that would end up so wrong. after all, he was rafe fucking cameron, the one and only, he was aggressive, he was a dumbass, he just wanted to snort coke and fight with people, he didn't know better… right?

y/n knew about rafe's problems, about his drug addiction, anger issues, daddy issues, he wanted to be the man, because he didn't he feel heard enough, he needed to shine, but the only thing he did, was screw things up with people.

"y/n are you awake?"

his dark voice sounded in her ear as she picked up the call.

"mhm, is everything alright?" she just woke up, it was 3 in the fucking morning, what does he want?

"just wanted to thank you, do you think I could take you.. uh to The Druthers sometime and.. y'know— hang out, tan together, or play uno?"

"rafe? are you okay? why are you saying this now? it's 3am"

"I'm conscious of that, sweetheart" she could hear laughs on the phone.

"rafe.. are you high?"

"uhm— no, no.. I'm not"

"yeah... well, we'll talk about 'going to The Druthers sometime' okay?"

"yeah, sure" he says with a scoff

"I'm being serious, it's 3 in the fucking morning and I'm really tired, talk to you later, yeah?"

silence invaded the call.

"yeah, sure, the only thing you're going to do later is tell me off for not being at my house, and probably also for being drugged, but who the hell cares? no one, y/n, to no one"

"rafe, stop it"

"yeah, because no one gives a single fuck about me, Sarah? she hates me for— for trying to protect what's mine. my dad?" his voice cracks "he hates me, Sarah is the golden child, what am I to him??"

y/n took a deep breath.

"rafe cameron, the kook prince, the most wanted boy in the outer banks, are you seriously saying this to me??" she giggles "Sarah is stupid, the only thing she has in mind is the fucking gold for the fucking Pogues, so ignore that shit, and your father..." her voice trails off "but people do care about you, what about Topper? or Kelce?"

"and you?" he asks.

"me?"

"yeah— yeah shit, you, do you care about me?"

"why do you ask?"

rafe stays silent, once again "b-because I want to know if you care about me, can you fucking answer?"

"yes"

rafe sighs in relief.

"of course I care about you, you dumbass, I wouldn't be in this call if I didn't care"

"you wanted to leave"

"yes, because it's 3am rafe, please" she laughs again, provoking a laugh from him too.

"yeah" he laughs "it's true, I'll go home now, rest good, yeah?"

"mhm, okay rafe, love you"

"what— what the fuck did you just say?"

she laughs once again "I love you, dummy, be safe, yeah?"

"yeah— yeah, bye"

the call ended.

the next day, they were in The Druthers, she was sitting and looking at the sea, he was laying on her lap, letting her play with the locks of his dirty blonde hair.

"y/n?" rafe said really softly.

"yes rafe?"

"thanks"

she looks down at him "for?"

"for loving me"

"damn Rafe, you're doing it wrong.. come here" she helps him sit and she embraces him.

"you help me a fucking lot, y/n and I really want to thank you" he sounded SO pussy whipped, but he didn't care

"I don't do anything, Rafey, it's okay, yeah?"

"I.. damn.. I sometimes feel things in my insides and— and— I just don't know how to fuckin' control 'em, you got me?"

"yes, I understand, what kind of things do you feel?" she said removing her sunglasses from her nose, to put them next to the blonde.

"I don't feel anger, it's a weird feeling, it's more like.." and he goes quiet.

he starts gesturing things with his hands, only provoking a giggle on her.

"don't laugh, I'm— I'm being serious, you spoiled thing"

"I just feel rage, I feel sadness.. I don't feel anger" he says, his baby blue eyes locked with hers, he lays now on his back, looking at the sky, becoming silent.

"I... sometimes think about my mother, and how disappointed would she be if she discovered who I am right now. that I'm not that small child full of giggles and smiles, now I'm.." his voice trails off as he sits, giving her back to her, his voice obviously cracking just at the thought of his mother.

"rafe.." she says, furrowing her brows in worry and placing a small hand on the back of his shoulder.

"my friends think I like to fight." he takes a pause, inhaling deeply "but it's just not true— I mean, yeah, sometimes I lose my temper and blow off a little steam. but I never enjoyed it"

he wipes one of the tears threatening to fall, and he gulps.

"I'm not a violent dog." he turns to face her, his eyes full of tears.

"I don't know why I bite..."

her eyes were sad, looking at him, she was genuinely worried about him, she just embraced him and let him cry on her shoulder.

"they don't deserve you, rafe, they don't..." y/n says with all the delicacy in the world.

"you're too much for them, you're kind and smart, and... you're beautiful, in your insides.."

"I'm sure your mother understands you, your father doesn't because he's messed up in the fucking head, but I understand you, rafe"

rafe looks at her, frowning and looking at her in disbelief "how can you even understand me, how can you even love me, huh??"

"I just do, your heart.. your heart says things that your mouth doesn't, I know your looks, rafe, when you boil, you're not angry... the sadness turns to aggressiveness"

"you can't say that, you don't know me like I know myself" he says again in a broken voice.

"I could try to know you if you wanted me to" she adds with a smile.

he looks at her in disbelief, still frowning "what if I hurt you? like I hurted Sarah, or Wheezie that time when I grabbed her arm and left bruises on her arm for a week” he starts to ramble.

“shh, rafe, it's okay, you won't hurt me, I want to do this, I want to be there for you”

“I don't understand why”

“because I love you” she says quietly, slowly leaning to take his hand.

“I love you, rafe Cameron”

the tears in his eyes disappeared and then they turned even brighter, he smiles and nods.

“I— I love you too y/n”

#my first fic #im so sorry lol #rafe fic #rafe cameron #angst #rafe x reader #rafe angst #yn

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pessimisticshapewithablog · 6 months

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Narinder's Veil - An Analysis

A quick overview.

With the addition of the Bishop's of the old faith DLC, it was reveals Narinder's robes are actual a uniform of sorts denoting him as a death god. And once the Lamb has rescued all the bishops, they receive a version of these robes in fleece form. This made me wonder if TOWW's veil had any deeper meaning?

What is a Veil?

"A veil is an article of clothing or hanging cloth that is intended to cover some part of the head or face, or an object of some significance."

After some research, I was able to find an irl veil that most resembled the one TOWW wears:

A Sehra

"In some parts of India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, and Nepal, men wear a sehra on their wedding day. This is a male veil covering the whole face and neck. The sehra is made from either flowers or beads."

Similar to veils worn by women, a sehra was worn to ward off the evil eye and to keep the bride and groom from seeing see each other before their wedding ceremony. While the reason for wearing the sehra is different, TOWW's veil very much resembles one.

TOWW wears a black veil that partially obscures his face. Similar ones can be seen on his attendants, Baal and Aym, and former members of his old cult, Klunko, Flinky, and Shrumy. They seemingly serve no pratical use as before initiating combat Aym and Baal rip the veils off, possibly for increased visibility and keep the stands out of their eyes. Because these veils are only seen worn by TOWW and those in association with him or his cult, I assume these veils are exclusive to him and the veils we see worn by others are derivatives of his.

Irl there are many cultural that require participants to adorn face veils or for sacred objects to be veiled. The most common practice that is familiar to most would be the wearing veils by brides on their wedding day. Interestingly the act of wearing a veil was prominently done by women and there are few cultures where men are expected to veil instead. In these cultrures, boys begin wearing veils after puberty and is considered a mark of manhood. It's interesting to note that everyone that wears a veil in COTL is male or male presenting.

Veils aren't always used for religious purposes.

Now that we have a better understanding of what veils are and why they are used let's move on to the next part of this analysis.

In-universe cultural meaning?

What could TOWW's veil mean to him and his servants?

Because all the information I've collected thus far, l'll break them down into seperate theories.

As a mortal, Narinder died before or on his wedding day and was buried in his grooms clothes. Once he became a god, his wedding veil was one of the things he kept, either as a sentimental or cultural memento.

When the lamb usurps TOWW as death god, they don't recieve a veil, only his robes. This led me to assume TOWW veil is unique to him. For those that don't know, TOWW's name, Narinder, is of Indian origin. Because this and his face veil resembling a Sehra headdress, I like to image TOWW was originally from the COTL equivalent of India. Given how long TOWW has been a god, this place may no longer exist, with TOWW being the last 'living' member of this long lost culture. Only he would know the cultural meaning behind the veil. Others may have begun wearing them in association with TOWW.

11.

Given TOWW's station, being the patron of a cult and a literal god, it's plausible that his veil could be worn as a way of creating a barrier between himself and his followers. With the each number of strands denoting a rank amongst his servants. While Ratau's gang don't worship TOWW anymore, if at all given their dedication to Ratau, they may still wear the uniform of their ranks before the dissolution of TOWW's old cult.

"One view is that as a religious item, it is intended to honor a person, object or space. The actual sociocultural, psychological, and sociosexual functions of veils have not been studied extensively but most likely include the maintenance of social distance and the communication of social status and cultural identity."

The reason his servants are wearing them could be for a similar purpose. To seperate themselves from low level followers and layman. What is a cult if not a religion in it's infancy? Even still there seems to be a hierarchy amongst veiled servants of TOWW. Aym and Baal, likely due to their proximity to TOWW and having directly trained by him, have the most strands second only to TOWW himself. Ratau's gang each have different numbers of strands, possibly implying they were each at different level of their ordainment. Within TOWW's cult veiled members may have been the equivalent of enforcers

111.

TOWW's veil is a mourning veil of sorts.

"The mourning veil was commonly seen as a means of shielding the mourner and hiding her grief, and, on the contrary, seen by some women as a means of publicly expressing their emotions."

We don't know the deeper psychology behind what it takes to be a death god, to see hundred of thousands of millions of people die for all eternity. Granted TOWW seems quite psychopathic and is probably able to rationalize away his role as a death god, so maybe the veil is more for the souls that he reaps. A faux display of grief by an impersonal grim reaper. From a superstitious aspect, I'm sure looking directly into the face of death would be held as a very bad thing to do. TOWW also seems emotional constipated enough to wear something to show the emotions he won't let himself express.

A Deeper Look...

Something I noticed about the veils. Including TOWW, each character has a different number of strands/garlands:

Narinder = 22

Aym and Baal = 20

Klunko = 8

Flink = 6

Shrumy = 4

It's up to speculation as to why they each have a different number but that's what I'm here for. After a bit of searching I came to the realization that the amount of strands might correspond to the Major Arcana. While a pack contains 78 cards the first 22 are referred to as such and are considered more important than the rest. This is because they were meant to represent the spirtual journey through life. With that knowledge we can attribute each number of stands to a card in the Major Arcana:

Note the first card of the deck, The Fool, is not numbered.

If I match the number of veil strands to a card in the major arcana this is what we get:

Narinder (22) = The World (XXI)

Aym and Baal (20) = The Sun (XIX) or Judgment (XX)

Klunko (8) = Justice/Strength (VII/XI)

Flinky (6) = The Lovers (VI)

Shrumy (4) = The Emperor (IV)

The Arcana of the Lamb

Starting with TOWW, this what each correlation of veil strands to a card could mean.

Narinder The World (XXI)

"THE WORLD - Assured success, recompense, voyage, route, emigration, flight, change of place.

Reversed: Inertia, fixity, stagnation, permanence."

The World card is said to represent the end of life. It makes sense that Narinder wears this number.

"The World represents an ending to a cycle of life, a pause in life before the next big cycle beginning with the fool."

The "nexus between what was and what was not" in TOWW's own words. It's says alot that the number of TOWW's veil strands corresponds with this card and not the literal death card (XIII). That could be because the death tarot does not actually represent death but change. Paradigm shifts, changes in beliefs and philosophies.

The reverse of this card also represents TOWW's situation. "Stagnation" & "permanence". As death, TOWW was a permanent fixture within the world of COTL. Even with his fascination with the new and novel, his siblings, or atleast Shamura, expected TOWW to remain unchanged and stagnant in his existence.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_World_(tarot_card)

Aym and Baal The Sun (XIX) or Judgment (XX)

Judgment : self-evaluation, awakening, renewal, purpose, reflection, reckoning

Reversed: self-doubt, lack of self-awareness, failure to learn lessons, self-loathing

Per google, the word judgement has two definitions:

1. the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.

2. a misfortune or calamity viewed as a divine punishment.

It can be assumed that the meaning of their corresponding tarot is the second definition. Within the story of COTL, they are fought after declining to return the red crown. Their battle could be interpreted as divine punishment, as they say as much. Within the game, they act as the precursor to TOWW's battle. Their fight could be considered a test of sorts for the player, as many of their attacks are diminutive versions of their master's.

"THE SUN - Material happiness, fortunate marriage, contentment.

Reversed: The same in a lesser sense."

Considering their fate within COTL's story, I doubt this is the real interpretation of the number they wear. It is the actual 20th card of the Major Arcana but it can be assumed the devs meant the technical 20th card, The Judgement. Granted, depending on the players, the two can be reunited with their mother which makes them happy and content, that was retroactively added in the DLC and might not have been something the devs originally meant to add.

Klunko (and Bop) Justice/Strength (VII/XI)

Within the major arcana, the order of the Justice/Strength is switched or changed depending on the deck. So I decided to give the meaning of both.

FORTITUDE - Power, energy, action, courage, magnanimity; also complete success and honours.

Reversed: Despotism, abuse of power, weakness, discord, sometimes even disgrace."

And

JUSTICE - Equity, rightness, probity, executive; triumph of the deserving side in law.

Reversed: Law in all its departments, legal complications, bigotry, bias, excessive severity."

Within the game, Klunko, and Bop by extension, will give The Lamb the Strength from Without Tarot Card if they beat them.

Flinky The Lovers (VI)

THE LOVERS - Attraction, love, beauty, trials overcome.

Reversed: Failure, foolish designs. Another account speaks of marriage frustration and contrarieties of all kinds.

"In some traditions, the Lovers represent relationships and choices. Its appearance in a spread indicates some decision about an existing relationship, a temptation of the heart, or a choice of potential partners. Often an aspect of the Querent's life will have to be sacrificed; a bachelor(ette)'s lifestyle may be sacrificed and a relationship gained (or vice versa), or one potential partner may be chosen while another is turned down. Whatever the choice, it should not be made lightly, as the ramifications will be lasting."

While the numbers may align, I personally don't feel the card really applies to Flinky, unless the devs are implying some hidden relationship between Flinky and another character. This card better suits Ratau and Ratoo, given they give the in-game version of the Lovers card. They could also be twins, the Lovers cards us also associated with the star sign Gemini, known as the Twins. But I digress..

But Flinky's number of veil strands corresponding to the lovers card could have more to do with the imagery depicted on the Lover's card:

"In the Rider Waite deck, the imagery for this card is changed significantly from the traditional depiction. Instead of a couple receiving a blessing from a noble or cleric, the Rider–Waite deck depicts Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. By reducing the number of human beings depicted in the card from three to two, Waite was able to reinforce its correspondence with Gemini. The Rider–Waite card also includes the Tree of the knowledge of good and evil with a serpent wrapped around its trunk. The symbolism of no return from making bad decisions, and the consequences of innocence lost, would be more widely understood from this imagery."

Flinky could be an homage to the serpent that tempted Eve to eat the apple of Eden. Maybe his consul is what influenced Ratau that leaving their old cult was an option.

Shrumy The Emperor (IV)

UPRIGHT: Authority, establishment, structure, a father figure

REVERSED: Domination, excessive control, lack of discipline, inflexibility

"The Emperor sits on a ram-adorned throne, a symbol of Mars. Another ram head can be seen on his cloak. His long white beard bears the symbol of "wisdom". He holds an Ankh scepter in his right hand, and a globe, symbol of domination, in his left. The Emperor sits atop a stark, barren mountain, a sign of "sterility of regulation, and unyielding power." He symbolizes the top of the secular hierarchy, the ultimate male ego. The Emperor is the absolute ruler of the world."

"In Astrology, the Emperor is associated with the masculine, cardinal-fire sign of Aries, the domicile sign of Mars which is symbolized by the ram."

Shrumy behavior toward the Lamb fits alot with this card, in my opinion. When they first meet he's quick to assert his dominance as a non-follower of the lamb. Shrumy also makes it clear that he has no care or respect for crown bearers, as the power they wielded seemed to change them.

"What are you looking at? Hmf. That's right. You crown bearers are all the same. Nothing without your adoring Followers. Ratau wasn't like that. He stayed true to who he was. You'll NEVER live up to him. Get out of my way, I've got Knucklebones to play and money to win. Come and play me if you want a real challenge."

- Shrumy to the Lamb

Shrumy falls more into the reversed position of this card. But I did notice a striking similarity to the Emperor Tarot and TOWW's role within the plot of COTL.

"The Emperor is the absolute ruler of the world."

Whatever TOWW'S gospel was the end result of killing his siblings would have made him the only god remaining and the De facto ruler.

After millennia, all may bask in my glory once more.

"Vessel, do you not worship me? Do you not give offerings in hopes of gaining my favor?

Soon I shall be freed, and the world remade in my image. All will pledge themselves to the Cult. All will bow to my name."

The words of a man(cat?) with enough ego to choke a horse lol. While not explicitly stated to be Baal and Aym's father TOWW does fill a father figure role to them. Having essentially raised and mentored them. Similar to Ratau's relationship with the Lamb, TOWW could also be considered a father/mentor to the Lamb too.

Conclusion

Initally I was only going to include the tarot card bit, but I couldn't keep my love of anthropology at bay so I added some cultural theories too.

I'm entirely sure the inclusion of these characters wearing veils doesn't actually mean anything but I'm just zooted off my gourd on caffeine so I'm gonna theorize anyway lol. Either way I had fun researching info for this rabbit hole I dug and I hope anyone who actually takes time to read this enjoys it too.

#cotl #cult of the lamb #my post #cult of the lamb theory #cotl narinder #cotl worldbuilding #cotl flinky #cotl shrumy #cotl aym #cotl baal #cotl klunko #long post #very long post #im so sorry lol #broody cat men make my brain go brrr #cotl headcanons

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