#im the first in my family to be diagnosed that i know of

[florida3exclamationpoints]

Becoming an adult is realizing how many family members have undiagnosed adhd

#i mean of course i cant diagnose them........ but #im the first in my family to be diagnosed that i know of #then my sister #i suspect my brother has it too tho. i suspected it of him before i suspected it of myself #but this made me realize something interesting #the only person on my dads side of thr family diagnosed with any mental disorders is my dad #he has dyslexia #but he was never treated for it in any way and ended up dropping out of high school partially bc of that #which was in the 80s #and i think..... he got diagnosed bc they wanted a reason for why he was '''''''stupid''''''' #even tho. ofc hes not. hes told stories about how he'd sleep through entire classes or just not pay any attention #and then pass the finals with no preparation especially math #but. in the 80s. younger brother of a more 'normal' child. has struggles?????? reading?????? and writing??????? #what is this monstrosity?????????? #so he got diagnosed and his mom and teachers felt better bc there was a reason. but no one helped him with it #and no one has been diagnosed with any mood disorders except maybeeeeee my older cousins but that would've been on their own #not their parents actually caring 💀💀 #idk how my brother hasn't been diagnosed with adhd tho???? bc he had like. classic adhd boy child in school problems #idk when it started getting recognized more tho maybe he was just too old lol #but now. as an adult. with multiple mental illnesses. im like. wow. this is GENETIC #my dad and grandfather especially #and that's the thing like. i remember my dad cycling through hobbies a lot when i was younger #hed get really into models. then not touch one for years. really into building guitars. not touch one for years. really into train sets. n- #but i remember my mom joking like ahahaha my husband cycles through his hobbies then he just drops them ahahahah #hes silly like that #now im like. bro. hes hyperfixating. and he does it exactly the same as i do 😭😭😭 #anyway. that's my thoughts for the night

[8rujaa]

my therapist really saved me….

#tw abuse // tw sa #i can’t sleep bc i keep thinking about this. #like i probably would’ve not been here if it weren’t for her #i started seeing her january of 2023… my life has changed entirely since then and she was definitely the one who got the ball rolling #literally so much has changed since then and it’s all because of her #i was so dissociated during our first few sessions #thanks to her i was able to get diagnosed and medicated for adhd. i was able to realize i was in an abusive situation and plan a way out #i was able to focus on myself and my healing and she’s helped me reframe so much of my negative thinking #i was able to process a lot of emotions and become a better version of myself with each session #she’s truly incredible. #i remember the first comment she made about the relationship had been ‘’so it’s like there’s an imbalance of control in the relationship’’ #i had put my partners on such a high pedestal that i had no idea they could be doing anything wrong #and i asked her what she meant and she said ‘from what you’ve been describing it’s sounds like a strict parents and child type of dynamic’ #she told me they didn’t need to understand why i wanted to leave and they didn’t need to make that decision. if that’s what was going to be #best for me the only thing i could do is let them know my reasoning and simply leave. i didn’t need their permission.’’ #i remember being so confused at that realization bc like… i had been putting their emotions over mine the whole time i had forgotten simply #doing what’s best for me was an option… l #ever since then i’ve been putting myself first and it’s been a steady uphill from rock bottom… i’ve made an incredible amount of progress #when i first started with her getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen was incredibly difficult and took all my strength. #yesterday i conquered a mountain!!!!!!! i hiked all the way to the top!!!!! :D #me a year ago thought it was going to take me years and years to recover. as soon as i left i made leaps of progress #im incredibly proud of myself and grateful for her. and my reiki lady she’s also been a great great help. #the silver lining is i realized who really matters. and the relationships i cared about deepened. #my sweet virgo friend was the one who was always like ‘THATS A GROWN ASS MAN WHO CANT UNDERSTAND BASIC CONSENT???’ #LMFAO i would be like ‘but he has trauma and bla bla bla’ she looked me dead in the eyes and said #’jess you said with your last boyfriend that you would never make excuses for a man who was hurting you again. stop defending him.’ #she’s really a gem and i treasure her with my life. i hope she knows i love her. she’s family at this point #she’s also literally saved my life before (like deadass called 911 for help) #im glad i had the support system i had. that was a rough situation with so many layers and im glad i got through it #my 22nd year of life was by far the worst of my life and i don’t ever want to put myself in that situation again. im glad i learned.

[perenlop]

so funny when i bitch about my brother doing something genuinely horrible and the nt people around are all like “what the fuck…….. how could you get mad at this autistic man………. what if he cant help all the misogyny, did you ever think of that……….. how could you, you must resent him for his autism, i hope you get better soon” and then the actual autistic people around me are like “wow hope that guy dies”

#no joke apparently my dad thinks i have deeply internalized ableism and im in rage that i had to grow up with autistic family #and thats why i hate my brother. when like…. first of all i get along with my other autistic brother just fine. because he’s chill #second of all i got undiagnosed autism but he doesnt know that so. third of all i’ve reiterated time and time again its bc of how he treated #how he treated me growing up as well as what hes done to other people (women) #and in fact i try to be as fair as i can given the circumstances bc i know social awkwardness absolutely intersects with his nastiness somet #sometimes #and i do sympathize with him to an extent for all the ableist treatment he got as a diagnosed kid #like. i dont envy him he truly went through some god awful shit as a kid #but also like…….. he proudly fucked me over time and time again and reiterates that hes proud of that #this guy threw around his power over me pretty frequently and took whatever chance he had to throw me under the bus and belittle me #forgive me for saying but…. i dont think thats an autism thing! i think thats a ‘’shitty human being’’ thing! #dl

[triplicatedrhymes]

#its white noise #poll #hyperspecific poll #if you wanna know which of these apply to me: it's all of them #4 permanent teeth removed for room in my mouth #rn there are 17 pets in the house #my family went to disney + universal + seaworld for free cuz my sister had cancer #i got left at a gas station at 16 on a family road trip #i dont know How but i've never beaten minecraft legit #im the only one prof diagnosed but my mom and sisters all got 100+ on the raads-r test #i've changed my mc username 31 times #and i got dumped at my first fob concert

[lesbianjonimitchell]

got hospitalised against my will lol love my life love being alive

#i have nothing with me except my phone and my wallet. no charger no headphones no computer cant even do schoolwork. all my clothes at home #are dirty as well and i cannot have my family pick up stuff for me because my flat is such a fucking mess x #anyways. at least im at the ward where i spent most of spring so the staff knows me here. the first one to greet me was my favourite. she #got me some cigarettes because she noticed i didnt have any when they searched my purse bless her soul #just praying to god i get the same psychiatrist as last time. she's the first one in two years to actually assess me diagnose me and get me #in treatment for my depression. but um. please let me go home soon #im so tired #its real fucking scary and overwhelming to have your freedom taken from you like this.

[851216135]

(not so) Friendly reminder to get verbal consent before sitting next to a stranger on the bus! especially if said stranger carries a bag to set in the seat next to them everyday and does so as soon as they sit down to try and avoid this situation. Especially if they are wearing headphones and looking out the window unaware of your presence. Instead of inviting yourself to sit on their stuff that they then have to pull out from under you and sitting so close you're constantly touching them. Thanks.

#vent #just because i work in customer service doesn't make me a people person #quite the opposite actually #im not nice either #im an asshole #i will not pull the string for you my music remains turned up and i will not look at you once #i always sit by a window too and will be scowling from the second you sit down #and i have enough diagnosed severe mood disorders where i should be fairly heavily medicated but have not been able to do so yet #i will move away the second i am able with no regard to how it makes you feel and i will step over you to do so #because if i don't I'll be stuck on the bus next to you until you get off and I don't want to be #i don't care who you are or what you're going through just fuck off or ask first #instead of sitting your ass down on my stuff and then taking up a seat and a half brushing into me or elbowing me every five seconds #im getting real tired of being approached #and touched by strangers #im touch adverse to literally everyone but like 2-3 people #my family can't even hug me without some kind of warning and even then sometimes my skin starts crawling #i honestly don't know what im doing wrong #my body language isn't approachable #my music choice isn't approachable #most of the time my facial expression is just completely blank #or mildly pissed off #AND THERE WERE OTHER SEATS #other people this lady could've sat by #an empty seat behind us #just leave me alone #don't assume you can just sit next to people #ask for the love of whatever you believe in #just ask #i would have been fine if she just asked

[cirillafionaelenriannon]

how are we all living in todays diet culture...literally unachievable beauty and body ideals. me being told by a doctor at 16 that i have pcos and ill have to diet my whole life if i dont want to gain weight. and that dieting means giving up half the foods i love so much (bread) cutting out all sugar, and eating plain boring vegetables. and then theres people saying oh but dieting doesnt mean eating boring food! like actually it does when u have pcos and the recommended diet is fucking keto. 

#text #and you have to eliminate FRUIT!?!?\ #ND FUCKING POTATOES. #and heres a good snack: a pile of nuts #just like what i give 2 ur mum every night. man fuck my life fr #im the first woman in my family to get diagnosed w pcos AND LIKE IT WOULD BE MEEEE WOULDNT ITTT #when ive wanted kids my whole life..i would get cursed w PCOS and insulin resistance #i cant wait for when i get diagnosed w diabetes in like my freaking 30s because right pcos and diabetes are linked #and its already in my family #then what else bitch heart disease. i hope i kill myself before my body can kill me #sorry but the idea of having to constantly watch my eating my whole life #and knowing if i eat something with sugar in it im going to put myself at risk for these diseases #and that everyone else around me can eat what they want without that risk but i have to suffer the consequences #like its not even just that i want to lose a little weight its that if i dont lose weight and if i dont maintain it #and if i dont constantly watch what i eat and if i dont diet and restrict and fast And suffer miserably foreverr and #cry everytime i eat something i shouldnt then i could get a disease and die early #me when i have health anxiety me when the Eating disorder living in the back of my mind for the past 7 years finally creeps out #like hey girl.

[serialunaliver]

i feel like a sicko bc i think i have POCD (i cant get diagnosed professionally bc im so scared of therapists that i get sick when im even in the same building as a therapist's office) but it sucks bc i am afraid that a romantic relationship with someone my age is also pedophilic because they were a baby once.

i also cant look at people in swimsuits at the pool or beach bc "they were a baby/child once and you're staring at them." like. YEAH.? they were a baby like 20 years ago. my brain KNOWS how aging works it just decides that "once a baby always a baby" and then im going to hell.

i havent been in a relationship in ages and im not sad perse but jesus fuckign christ i wish it could be that way of my own volition and not... fear? sorryyyy lol. i just know you've talked about POCD before and.

i have no idea how people think it's based on secret desires i literally get so scared whenever a child walks into my workplace bc of it.

hey i'm so sorry you're dealing with this‼️ pocd made me have similar fears even involving child family members.

something to remember is these are thoughts that are hurting you alone. no one around you is aware of what you're thinking and they aren't hurt by it. you haven't committed a crime or harmed any child and you're not a bad person for intrusive thoughts--you don't even want to have them in the first place, which is why they're called intrusive.

and although pocd may seem less common, that's only because people are afraid to discuss it. it's simply a more severe form of morality ocd--I say severe because the specific topic in pocd is harder to grapple with since simply talking about it out loud is difficult.

#pocd

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

hey! so i hope this isn’t too creepy/nosey, but im a medical student and i was reading your possible fibromyalgia post and have a couple ideas lol. full important disclaimer that im only partly into my studies and im currently in the hypochondriac phase and also your summary was amazing but a real doc would ask way more questions, so please consult with an actual doc and take everything i say with a grain of salt! but like your symptoms aren’t nothing so i would def encourage finding a doc that you trust to do a proper exam and run some tests. also im operating under the assumption that you’re under 50 lol, bc if you’re over 50ish that’s a whole diff list of possible diagnoses.

so the thirst thing you’re talking about is often called polydipsia and is commonly associated with diabetes insipidus. that’s not the normal diabetes you think about, but happens when your body can’t regulate fluids in your body properly. id think of this if you’re also peeing a lot lol. your doc would have to do some kidney tests for that, which wouldn’t be part of the blood panel you mentioned. i’m a little skeptical that it’s hypokalemia bc that would’ve showed up on your blood test results. it could be transient electrolyte imbalances when you exercise so have one of those electrolyte packets when you exercise lol, bc it never hurts to try the easy solutions first, but chronic low potassium should’ve shown up? tho eating sweet potatoes has never hurt.

other things it could be is a lower motor neuron problem bc you mentioned twitches and muscle weakness which is typical for those. i def can’t say more without tests, but look into/get your doc to look into myasthenia gravis or LEMS and see if either of those fit. i think it’s possible bc these often also start with face/upper body symptoms, but would need way more questions/tests to know. it’s unlikely but could also be a glycogen storage disease called McArdle disease bc you describe a second wind thing when you exercise along with exercise intolerance. that’s super rare tho so it’s unlikely unless someone in your family has it/has similar symptoms.

also look into autoimmune stuff like rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and sjögrens disease. i have way less useful info on that bc we haven’t gotten to it in class yet lol, but sjögrens looks promising bc you often get dry mouth with it, and it often goes along with rheumatoid arthritis which could explain the joint stuff possibly.

it’s also totally possible this is fibromyalgia, but i would be cautious diagnosing it bc it often comes with fatigue and cognitive stuff which you didn’t mention. it’s also more of a pain thing, and doesn’t include your twitches/dry mouth. it’s def possible, and it was def something i thought of when i saw your symptoms, but personally i would want to rule out other stuff first bc fibromyalgia is pretty vague and often a diagnosis of exclusion when other things don’t fit.

sorry for overwhelming you!! i just saw your post and was like hmmm those symptoms sound like Something. again take my advice with a big grain of salt, but i do really think it’s worth asking your doc about it and getting tests done, bc even if there aren’t cures there are def treatments to help with a bunch of this stuff. it doesn’t sound urgent, but at least from your post your symptoms don’t sound like run of the mill aches and pains. hope you figure stuff out!!

The problem with 'muscles don't work right ouchy and I am also tired' is that it's a symptom for Absolutely Everything That Can Be Wrong With The Body. Is it cancer? Is it a terrible diet and sleep schedule? Who knows!

The doctor ran a diabetes test with the blood panel and it came up negative, but I don't know if that checks for weird kinds of diabetes. (Diabetes does not run in my family until we get very old.) That test was memorable because I have stupid fragile veins that freak out and collapse at the mere sight of a needle so I had to get stabbed nine times, they didn't manage to get the middle reading at all, and in the end they resorted to just stabbing my thumb with one of those diabetes home blood test thingies and manually squeezing my blood out into a tube drop by drop.

I looked up polydipsia and I don't think I have that. I think I just prefer my mouth to be wetter than my salival glands want it to be. 🤷‍♀️I think most of my problems are probably not related to any rare chronic disease, but just run-of-the-mill autism making it hard to look after myself or properly notice and process my physical condition and adapt accordingly. I don't eat enough fresh foods because it's hard to plan with the very short timeframe to prepare and eat them in. I'm uncoordinated and damage my body a lot through overwork or using muscles incorrectly because autism makes it hard to keep track of those things. My mouth feels dry and my skin feels itchy and my muscles feel sore because that's what being autistic feels like. My sleep schedule is garbage because my executive function is garbage and even once I do manage to get myself into the bed I can't just "go to sleep", I pass out when I'm ready to pass out.

I'm not saying it's impossible for anything else to be going on, but I think the known factor is the simplest explanation here. It's 2:30pm and I've been putting off breakfast for five hours. Every time I go into the kitchen I get distracted by housework instead. I am very hungry. This is not behaviour that is conducive to a well-functioning body.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for kissing my friend's crush?

I feel the need to add a bit of backstory: I grew up with my friend. I love her to death, she is my best friend and family. We are both the same age (26 now, 25 when the event occurred). We both were socially awkward throughout school, and recently I have been diagnosed with ADHD.

Growing up however, people would always choose her over me. I did not blame them, my friend is attractive and I do not think I am. I have been told to my face I'm too tall and she's perfect height (I am 6" and she is 5"4'). I've been told my chest is too small compared to hers, or that my thighs are too big. People would compare us a lot and always said she was more attractive but I was smarter. This i know has subconsciously made me compare myself to her in many ways.

My friend was telling me about this guy. Really talked him up, stated she thought we would be a good match. A few months went by and all of a sudden we wouldn't be a good match, we liked different things. It was a complete switch up from what she had been saying. I knew she had a crush on this guy.

Well, me and my friend were at a party and this guy was there. I had never met him prior to this night. She introduced me to a whole group of people I had never met. This dude was extremely charismatic and later I found out he had been flirting with me most of the night. I had thought he was being friendly, because in my mind he treated me the same as everyone else.

Well, my friend had went outside to do something (vape or smoke im not sure what) and me and him were in a corner of the living room talking. He kissed me first. I asked him why he did that and he flat out told me he had been flirting all night. I told him I had zero clue and thought he had flirted with my friend. He told me he did not like my friend that way at all.

We spoke a bit more before I asked if I could kiss him, which he readily agreed. We made out and my friend caught us. She was pissed and was my ride so we left. I thought she was mad at first because she had caught us making out and my friend has said she doesn't like PDA.

We didn't talk about it until the next day, which she then told me it was a bad idea and she was mad because she had a crush on him. This was the first time she herself had confirmed she had a crush, but I had suspected up til that point. I told her I had guessed but wasn't sure. She then got more mad because if I had guessed she had a crush, I shouldn't have kissed the guy.

Normally, I would agree. However, the guy said he didn't like her but he did me and had been flirting with me, im just bad at social cues. But the real kicker here is my friend is married. She is married and they are NOT in an open relationship. I am fully single as was the guy.

I thought the whole thing was over as it happened a few months ago, but she brought it up again because I was showing her a picture of a guy I liked and she told me that maybe she should kiss him so I'd know how it feels. She admitted she is still upset about it, even though she doesn't have a crush on the guy now (she even admits she only had a crush on him because she went through a rough patch in her marriage where her and her husband were fighting constantly but they've been in therapy and she says things are good now). She says the reason she is upset is because I had suspected her feelings and still kissed the guy even though I knew it would cause her pain.

So AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[ufoend]

∆ please help us

we can not afford any of our basic needs

i usually try to keep this as light as possible, but i have put this off for long enough that i have to post this. me and my partner desperately need help. we are just two gay people trying to make it alone here with absolutely no support system. *remaking because the first post died

who we are: im j (or jet), im 24 year old trans guy whose had this account since 2014. i married my partner in 2018, we even met on tumblr when we were younger, we've been together for years. my partner is disabled (diagnosed with autism and seizure disorder and others)

what we need: basic needs, help with vet care, dental emergency assistance and general support. our cat had an emergency surgery two years ago that means he needs to be on a prescription diet (hills urinary food) for his entire life. the vet suddenly said we need to bring him in again to get his prescription renewed and we cant order any more food for him until then, which he will not survive without, and he is not allowed to eat any alternative food without risking his life. we have less than half of a 8 lb bag of it which will not last him through the next month. with the vet, food, and ubers to get to the vet and to the only place they sell the food = 200

to try to summarize our situation, we were kicked out by family and made officially homeless for the first time last year. this is right after we moved across states (wa to az) to support my partners family upon their request, only to be subjected to abuse and kicked out directly due to homophobia in an unfamiliar state after a few months. this left both of us and all of our animals entirely homeless. we luckily have an apartment now but our situation isnt stable. we lost all of our belongings at this time, everything we had built, and have not been able to replace them as we have very fixed income. my partner is especially affected by this situation, as it was traumatizing, and they have just had to power through trauma after trauma because of poverty, more than i can say.

i also have severe and painful dental problems that are not covered by medicaid in az and i have no way to afford. this includes wisdom teeth, root canals, and many cavities that will turn into that crazy expensive treatment if i don't fix it. some may remember my post about this (+this) showing the work i need. i cant keep ignoring it, because they are worried about two of the cavities becoming root canals, and i want to prevent another infection, but thats at least 250 each i also lost a cap and need to replace it to save the tooth, but that's at least 600.

we are still not going to be able to afford rent in future months because our EBT was delayed last month and i had to spend money we don't have, and without student loan forgiveness, my partner will not have loans anymore so we are in serious jeopardy even affording rent, let alone bills. our pets (2 cats 1 small dog) also desperately need vaccinations, which is dangerous to keep going this overdue without with their health problems. our dog has also been limping for the past week and he needs to be seen when that is ever possible, at least 65 plus ubers.

any donations would go first to the vet appointment and cat food, then the other needs in order of priority. will keep updating this, i know its a lot and i really don't expect anything as i know it's well over 1000 for it all, i am begging for help with any of this.

we are both students, we are trying to work towards stability, while being stuck here. i do everything i can to bring in money to support us on my own. we make 200 less than rent is monthly. i am in school to become a caseworker so i am aware of a lot of resources in my area, and have applied for everything, but we can not do this alone which is why i have to ask for help. i am so sorry for having to do this but i appreciate any support that i do have because of this website. you guys literally save my life. helping out other poor people and getting helped out on here has been the most compassion ive ever been a part of. dollars, even pennies, worth of donations has kept my cat safe, has affected me in real ways. it actually matters to us, no matter the amount.

thank you anyone who reblogs, donates anything at all, or reaches out

*

p*ypal email (best): [email protected]

v*nmo: @tobler707

c*shapp: $tobler707

#signal boost #please boost #please reblog #reposting because this died out #im so sorry

[itsaspectrumcomic]

hello, so, I have a question

I am not diagnosed, but i suspect that im autistic (my family also think i am), but I don't know how to explain to other people i know about my autistics experiences, like, how to explain that im having an sensory overload (also, sorry if something is kinda confusing, english isn't my first language)

and thanks for any possible answer :D

I have the exact same issue! That's actually part of why I started making these comics - I found it really hard to explain out loud but it made more sense to me if I could show how I felt with pictures :) I share my comics with my family and friends and I think it's helped them understand a lot more.

I think for explaining to people who might not know much about autism, it helps to be specific about what you struggle with, the impact it has on you, and what they can do to support you. So for an example with sensory overload, you could tell them you feel overwhelmed when things are too loud because it makes it hard to think, or hear, or causes you pain. And the other person could support you by turning their music down, lowering their voice, or helping you find somewhere quieter.

Another example: you struggle with changes in plans or routine and it causes you to become stressed, panic, or struggle to speak. The other person can support you by letting you know the schedule in advance and giving you a good amount of notice for anything that might change, and giving you time to adjust to a new routine.

You could also share videos or articles of other autistic people talking about experiences that you also relate to if you find it hard to put into words yourself.

I hope this is helpful!

#ask #anon ask #autism #neurodivergent #actually autistic #autistic #advice #its a spectrum

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

is it ok for me to hate being autistic, even though i have low support needs? sorry, long rant ahead! i’ve got a lot on my mind

so im a teen who was diagnosed with autism only last year, so im still kinda new to this. over time i realized that i really hate a lot of my audhd traits. i feel like i can’t complain tho, cause i’m getting help for my issues, but i still hate that they’re there in the first place. i hate how i can’t learn in school, because i get so easily overstimulated or unfocused and because of that i have to spend time in the guidance, and i love my counsellor don’t get me wrong, but i wish that i didn’t need to recharge after only 4 hours of school. i wish i could be like my peers who can keep going for the whole day, they don’t miss important discussions, they don’t miss spending time with their friends. i wish i could spend time with my family without at some point hating their voices and thinking of ripping my baby sister’s throat out which i know is bad, and i hate that my brain goes to those thoughts so easily. and nobody around me even understands, they call people autistic as an insult and my friends don’t see why my autism is such a big deal to me but it is. it’s something that’s made my whole life worse. i hate that when i was a kid, i would get meltdowns so easily that my parents would shout at me in public, my peers would laugh at me, and my friends would only stay with me out of pity when really they were talking shit about me behind my back. i just wish i wasn’t autistic. and i hate that i just have to deal with it, because frankly even with my school being farther ahead than most in accommodations it still doesn’t feel like enough. idk, i just wish things was easier.

Hi there,

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. But I can’t dictate what you feel and why you should feel it. I think it’s somewhat normal for self hatred, but I could be totally wrong.

Maybe my followers can provide insights on this, surely some have gone, or are going through a similar situation.

I’m sorry I couldn’t answer your question. But I appreciate the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

[not-poignant]

Im really sorry if this is too personal please ignore me if it is but i saw your post just at the right time and im just, im struggling in my twenties at the thought of possibly having did right now. And you say you "used to", can i ask how you healed?

A lot of therapy, anon.

It does tend to show up in someone's 20s, and I went the path of Internal Family Systems Therapy (also known as IFS or IFST) which is extremely useful alongside the three C's (Compassion, Communication, Co-Consciousness).

I wasn't aiming to eliminate any alters, and anyone who wanted to stay as a separate alter could, but I taught myself through the help of other/s to be self-compassionate, to open up opportunities and methods for communication (which also included art, writing, journalling, etc. in fact the very first tumblr that 'I' ever made was actually made by an alter, and was originally called artforartists - it's now renamed and run by 'me' because Dani has absorbed back into the system, but you can still go to the earliest entries and see her in them.

It took a few years and I didn't rush things. The main thing to know is that while it feels extreme, it usually comes about as a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation, and it usually becomes very manageable with self-compassion (to all yourselves), impartial judgement, open communication, compromise (i.e. if you have an alter that wants to play video games 24/7 to the point that you're losing weeks of memory, find out small areas of compromise where they can be given something in exchange for something), and sharing consciousness where possible (co-consciousness).

It's very scary at first but imho for me personally, it has been the 'easiest' of all of my diagnosed disorders to deal with. I still have severe treatment-resistant depression and I still have severe treatment-resistant PTSD/C-PTSD, but my DID went into remission after about 4 targeted years of therapy. It's now DDNOS (Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) which means I don't have the symptoms enough to qualify for DID anymore, but I still have a system prone to dissociation / derealisation / depersonalisation and I have days where some alters are fronting a bit more than the central self, but I usually just use it as a sign that I'm really stressed and overwhelmed, rather than a sign that there's something wrong with me.

I'm extremely zen about it, tbh. And look, I didn't have the goal of 'absorbing' my alters (or them dying or w/e), I didn't set out with the idea of getting rid of it so much as learning how to live with different people who have different opinions about things in my head. But through the course of IFST and giving everyone a voice, that started to happen anyway. Healing doesn't always mean 'getting rid of alters' it mostly just means getting a handle on the memory loss (which is the most severe part of the disorder for me) and the polarisation so that it becomes regular dissonance and not so distressing it causes someone to switch. A person can be fully healed from DID and still have alters that front, if there's co-consciousness and communication for example. This was actually what I was aiming for, it just didn't end up being my outcome.

You may not be able to access therapy or IFST, and it can be hard to find DID-friendly therapists who know what they're doing, but you can actually look up and explore IFST on places like Instagram and in books like No Bad Parts and start doing the work gently already. (IFST isn't just or only for DID patients, but it is uniquely very well suited to them).

It can be very scary at first, anon, to think you might have this. Because it's a highly stigmatised and misunderstood disorder. At its root it can be understood as 'a child who didn't understand how to cope with something, at the time of personality formation, just developed a new personality to deal with it. But as a result of this, their brain got so good at developing new personalities that it became a maladapted coping strategy, and as an adult they can learn ways to cope that aren't splitting, switching, or losing memory with compassion and self-understanding.'

And honestly we all have a lot of maladapted coping mechanisms and the whole journey of life is learning to unpack them, and repack some healthier coping mechanisms into the lunchbox. And that's really about it. Still very scary and upsetting to go through, but also not a mysterious, "insane" thing. <3333 If you can reach out for help, please consider it, but otherwise do look into IFST. I started working on those strategies long before I found a suitable therapist and I honestly feel like just the mindset of radical self-acceptance and self-compromise and self-compassion was - while extremely hard to do often - the key for me, and some of those things will at the very least be helpful for you.

#asks and answers #personal #there's a lot more resources now for DID than their used to be #but there's also a lot more self-exploitation for likes and clout #just admitting you're worried something dissociative might be going on #is very brave and you're already on the path to healing anon #even though it doesn't feel like it yet

[forgetminot]

Hey! Hope you are doing okay 🩷

I have a little request (if you feel comfortable, of course). I would love for you to write about Arthur Morgan x F!reader (Or GN), both are former lovers and they are reminiscing their time together. You can make it romantic, anyway you want. 🩷

Distant Memory

✿ Arthur Morgan x F!reader ✿

Warnings : TB Arthur (based in chapter 4 after he has been diagnosed- iM sOrRy) angst, fluff, past relationship, use of y/n.

Authors Note : I took the 'anyway you want' and rolled with it. I loved writing this thank you for the request queen 💙💙

Summary : You run into a familiar face and spend some time catching up and reminiscing.

You didn't expect him to look so... fragile- he wasn't well and you could see just from a quick glance in his direction. You turn around suddenly, retracing your steps as you follow behind the man and place your hand gently on his shoulder.

"Arthur?" He turns, slightly startled as you call out his name; you take in his appearance, his face was sunken and his complexion sallow. "It is you-"

"Y/n?" He speaks your name so softly you hardly hear him say it. "What are you doin' here?" He questions, motioning his hand to the busy streets of Saint Denis.

"Just visiting, it's nice to get away from the country now and then." You smile gently. "It's good to see you." You whisper.

"It-" He brings his hand to his mouth, coughing harshly. "-It's nice to see you." He responds as he wipes his hand against his shirt.

"You don't look well, Arthur..." You frown, taking his arm and stepping to the side of the street to stay clear of the bustling road. "How are you, how's the gang?" You ask. You knew little of the gang, only hearing stories from Arthur and seeing pictures of their faces littered on wanted posters.

"The gang-" he chuckles. "The gang has seen better days and, well, so have I." He sighs, leaning on his right side against the brick wall.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be, was going to happen sooner or later." He replies bluntly.

"What happened?" You ask.

"How much time you got?" He asks back.

"I'm not going anywhere." You smile faintly. "Would you like to go somewhere more quiet? It would be nice to catch up after all these years." You suggest.

"Uh, yeah, we can do that." He nods. "Do you have a horse?" He questions as he whistles loudly, watching as his horse trots towards you both.

"I took the train here." You respond.

He lifts himself onto his steed and holds out his hand for you, which you gladly take; he pulls you up and you sit behind him, placing your hands carefully on either side of his waist. He tells you to hold on tight as you both make your way out of the city, dodging people and wagons as you go. You ride in silence for a while and you watch as the landscape changes from thick, murky swamps to the vivid greens of the plains.

"This should do." Arthur says as he pulls tightly on the reins, bringing the horse to a complete stop. He gets down from the horse first and offers his hand once again for you to take.

"Thank you." You smile kindly as your feet touch the ground.

"Course, no problem." He nods and heads towards a small lake, sitting on the ground a few feet from it; you follow after him and sit beside him, grateful that the grass is dry and not caked in mud. "How's your family?"

"Oh- My mother passed not too long ago." You sigh. "She was sick, went in her sleep."

"I'm sorry to hear that, she was always a nice woman."

"She still was, until the end." You smile faintly. "My Pa is well, still strong after everything." You laugh. "I know the both of you never saw eye to eye."

"He never liked the whole outlaw thing." Arthur grins.

"So, what happened?" You ask, referencing back to the gang.

"What hasn't happened?" He scoffs. "Job back in Blackwater went bad, real bad- Dutch shot some innocent girl and he ain't been right since." He sighs. "Then we lost Sean, always thought I'd celebrate the day that annoying boy left." He chuckles lightly. "He was like a brother to me..."

"I'm sorry to hear that." You respond kindly.

"Lost Hosea and Lenny not too soon after that, bank job in Saint Denis went horribly wrong."

"So, that's what all the wanted posters are about." You acknowledge. "Hosea- you used to mention him all the time."

"He was a better father than my real one ever was." He hums. "Always told me I was an idiot for not running off with you."

You giggle. "I can't imagine how that would have turned out."

"Would have been nice." He replies suddenly, surprised by his own response.

"I think you're right." You beam.

"You do?" He questions, coughing lightly.

"You were always good to me, Arthur. Always looked out for me, made me feel safe." You smile sadly. "Maybe in another life, we would have made it work..."

"If i didn't have people to look after I-"

"I know." You cut him off. "You were always so loyal, it's one thing I loved about you."

"Wasn't loyal enough to you." He sighs.

"I always knew that the gang came first, even if you didn't want to say it out loud." You place your hand over his. "They're family."

"You could have been family too." He mumbles, taking his hand from yours as he coughs roughly into it.

You frown, moving your hand to his back. "You're sick, ain't you?" You say, already knowing the answer.

"I'm dyin'" He laughs coldly. "Got tuberculosis, beating a guy for a few bucks."

"Oh, Arthur..." You rub your hand up his back slowly. "I- don't know what to say- I'm sorry." You sniff sadly.

"Dont be, I deserve every last second of it." He states bluntly.

"Don't say that!" You scold.

"I ain't the same man you fell in love with." He responds.

"Even so, no one deserves this."

"I'm a killer, Y/n." He laughs, standing up. "I hurt people, I steal from 'em too."

"There's always some good in people, Arthur. You always did good." You express, standing up to meet his eyes.

"The person you knew, he's just a distant memory." He admits.

"I don't believe that." You step closer, taking both his hands in yours. "I don't think that part of you would just disappear, Arthur."

"You don't know me no more." He shakes his head.

"I do, because the person you are talking about wouldn't have spared me a second glance: wouldn't have helped me up onto his horse and sat next to me by the lake." You grip his hands tighter. "Maybe, if you really think you have changed- you should use the time you have left to be good."

"I- I'm tryin' to help people." He sighs.

"You are a good man, Arthur Morgan." You smile softly. "And I don't think you are too different from the man I never stopped loving." You place your hand against his cheek gently.

"Wish I never left." He whispers, placing his hand on top of your small one.

"We can't change the past." You frown.

"I'll do better." He insists.

You nod, leaning up and placing a quick kiss to his cheek. "I know."

#arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #x reader #arthur morgan x y/n #x y/n #arthur morgan x you #x you #arthur morgan x female reader #x female reader #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #red dead redemption arthur #red dead redemption x reader #reader insert #fanfic #fanfiction #tb!arthur morgan #arthur morgan angst #arthur morgan fluff #past relationships #I want to go back in time and save this man #requests #ask and you shall receive

[ateriblewriter]

Not Like This {2} (q.h)

a/n: im sorry. i dont feel like this is my greatest. prove me wrong. please let me know if y’all want another part. i have maybe 2 more parts.

warnings: sad. sickness. possible looming death.

Enjoy!

part1 part3

“There’s not much more we can do right now. It’s a waiting game. We always knew there was a possibility this day would come Quinn.” The doctor informed Quinn that the inevitable was coming sooner rather than later. Dr. Pete had been there with the couple through this whole ordeal that started just before baby Theo was born.

A month before baby Theo was born Y/N had a cold. Or what she had thought was the cold. After a week of coughing and fatigue, her heart would start rapiding racing with a constant pain in her chest. After all the tests and scans that had been ordered Y/N had been diagnosed with a heart condition that should have cleared up weeks after the baby had been born.

But of course nothing was ever that easy in life.

“What about that transplant you mentioned last time we were here? Is that still an option?” Quinn ran his fingers through his hair. This couldn’t be happening, not yet at least.

Looking through the window of your room, he watched Y/N holding a giggling Theo on your lap, the most beautiful smile dancing around her face. Quinn hated how fast everything was coming to an end. He needed his family, Theo was going to need his mother. He had to have more time with her.

“We talked about this at the last appointment. Y/N isn’t exactly at the top of the list. If we would be able to get our hands on a viable heart, with how weak her body is there is no telling if it would even actually take.” The doctor reminded him of the meeting they had a couple of months ago.

“My heart is getting worse isn't it?” Y/N asked her boyfriend when he entered the room. Quinn had just gotten done speaking with the doctor again, about their options to slow the damage to being done to it.

“The medication is working anymore, and they don't know if your body would withstand the open heart surgery that you would need for a transplant.” Quinn wanted to hit something. He had all this anger built up inside him and he needed a release. If he was anywhere but here he would hesitate to take something out.

Y/N tried not to get worked up in her current state. Y/N weakly raised her hand to cover her cough that sounded pretty bad, but that was normal for her condition. Once the small fit was over Y/N tried speaking again.

“I just want to go home, I don’t want to be here. Please Quinn. I. I.” Y/N wheezed, breathing heavily. Quinn grabbed the baby out of its mother’s arms. Y/N was struggling. He hated watching her like this. But how are you supposed to react when you’re dying?

Looking anywhere other than at his girlfriend in bed, Quinn noticed the time was getting closer to Theo’s naptime. He grabbed a bottle to feed to the child and sat on the opposite side of the bed. He knew what she was asking. He also knew it was going to spring her from this joint. “Maybe we could visit Michigan, get the gang together one last time.”

“Babe, you need to stay here. What if a heart becomes available. What if.” Quinn looked Y/N up and down in her sweaty state. He didn’t like this. They were supposed to have more time. She was supposed to be there for his hockey career, and when Theo took his first steps on the ice. They were supposed to get married one day, have more kids, and grow old together.

“Be realistic. Someone is going to be dying and giving me their heart anytime soon. Quinny I’m going to be the one dying” Y/N cut him off, her breathing even more ragged as she was still pretty worked up. Her chest heaving up and down at a rapid pace, trying to calm herself down.

“Hey, hey, hey. Breathe.” Quinn held Theo in one arm and ran his other hand up and down Y/N’s back trying to soothe her with another coughing fit over taking her. This time a pink colored flem made its way up.

“I don’t want to die here. Quinny please.” Her voice was so quiet he almost didn’t hear her as the tears streamed down her face. He wasn’t the one with a heart disease, but watching the one he loved the most breakdown broke his heart.

Any treatment they tried now was most likely not going to work and maybe it was best if they just went home. With it being the middle of the hockey season, Quinn was positive that he couldn’t get all their friends to Vancouver much less Michigan. It would be an impossible feat. But for you he would do everything in his power to get you what you wanted.

“Alright, Babe. I’m going to go talk to someone about getting you released.” Quinn got off the bed and walked over you. He kissed the top of your sweaty forehead. “I don’t think it’s the best to travel right now but maybe they can come here. I’ll make some calls to my family and your brother. Maybe some of the guys can come out.”

please let me know what y’all think. i’d love to hear any thoughts, comments, or complaints.

#quinn hughes #quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes imagine #nhl imagine #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagine #quinn hughes fic