#im very sorry if any of these make you insecure but i tried to find the most outlandish ones

[your-local-hyperfixater]

Reasons why people would get the ick from ac mirage characters according to twitter and tiktok ick lists:

#IM BACK ON MY BULLSHIT <33 #ali isnt the toxic masculinity type of aplha male he just Is the alpha of any group hes in. self proclaimed too #the banu musa brothers have the same personality to me they r just the same person #looking at so many ick lists took 40 years off my life #i swear 99% of these i found on an actual ick list somewhere #some of them i couldnt find good ones for so i just went based off vibes. u know Nur would paint his nails #im very sorry if any of these make you insecure but i tried to find the most outlandish ones #some of them r valid but others i chose bc theyre silly and some are just straight up jokes im pretty sure #ac #ac mirage #assassins creed mirage #assassin's creed #beshi #ali #basim #tabid #rebekah #rayhan #roshan #fuladh #nur #dervis #banu musa brothers #kong #nehal #god damn i did not expect to b gone this long lol !!! whoops !! i was doing human things. if u even care #i will b in everyones notes soon 🫡

[etoiile]

CLINGY

starring suna rintaro!

synopsis: when suna pushes your hug off of him, it makes an insecurity grow.

notes: first time writing for hq! def very very ooc for him but wtv im working on it

your possibly biggest fear ever was being annoyingly clingy.

your main love language was physical touch, and you had a very clear way of showing your love and affection. any one of your friends could easily say, "yep, they're really clingy," because you were. you'd greet them excitedly with a hug, cuddle with them during movies, and sling an arm over their shoulders when sitting next to each other.

you knew that you were clingy, and it didn't bother you much. no one around you seemed to dislike it and you knew yourself how much you'd like it if someone paid that much attention to you. you felt most loved when you felt seen, and having someone shower you in hugs made you feel that way, so you did it to other people, to show them how special they were to you.

one of the things that came with being clingy, however, was fear. fear that even though it was something you knew you'd appreciate, it was something annoying to others. the last thing you ever wanted was for someone to find you annoying to be around. that sounded like an absolute nightmare.

so, when you surprised rin with a backhug and he stood there, not reciprocating your hug, and then gently shoved you off, telling you he wasn't in a good mood, not to bother him, and to please, "stop being like a fucking mosquito clinging onto him all the time," you could feel your body trembling as you quickly retreated, tears threatening to spill from your eyes.

when he later apologized to you, telling you he was sorry for lashing out at you, you accepted his apology, but the insecurity still lingered.

----

suna was in a great mood.

he'd done really well at practice today, they got let out early enough that the sun was still out and shining, and he practically skipped home at the thought of coming home to your arms.

he unlocked the front door and yelled an, "i'm home," as he pulled his shoes off and set his bag down. you came over to greet him and he found his body tingling with excitement, ready to grab onto you and hold you tight.

"welcome home, rin," you smiled warmly at him, but then turned around and went back to your laptop. he stood there, dumbfounded. what just happened?

he followed you suspiciously, wondering what was going on. you always greeted him with a hug. always. why were you being different today? had you simply forgotten? no, it doesnt work like that. you didn't forget, you chose not to. why?

"...is everything ok?" he asked hesitantly. you didn't seem to be in a bad mood, so why were you acting weird?

you looked up at him, confused. "yeah? why, is something wrong?"

"yeah." he replied, plopping down next to you. "with you."

you frowned, your heart beginning to beat faster. first, you had stopped yourself from throwing your arms around him, which you so desperately wanted to do, in order to be less annoying, but there was still something wrong? what did you do? how were you still annoying him?

"...what do you mean?" you asked, trying your best to mask the nervousness in your voice. you really, really, really didn't want to be annoying. you wanted to be someone rin wanted to be around, not someone who pissed him off when he spent time with you. you really did want to work on the things he didn't like, and improve yourself for him. you braced yourself for what he might say next, reminding yourself that you can't cry just because someone brings up an issue about you.

"you didn't give me 'welcome home' hug." he muttered a little sheepishly, rubbing the bag of his neck. he looked up at you, his hazel eyes making your body feel like jelly. "did i do something wrong?"

you could feel your lower lip trembling as you tried to stop it. "..no! no, of course not. i just...thought that after what you...said yesterday, you'd want some space! i know im clingy, so im gonna work on it, ok?" you mustered out, trying to keep a smile on your face.

suna's eyes widened. he'd lashed out at you yesterday, but he'd apologized for it already, so he thought that meant you knew he didn't mean it. plus, you two were people who joked around a lot and spewed random shit all the time. he knew you knew that, so he didn't think it was on your mind and he didn't think you you thought what he said was true, because it wasn't. at all.

though, seeing as how you were struggling to keep it together, and how you hadn't welcomed him home with a hug for the first time since moving in together, he realized his words had cut deeper than he realized.

"hey," he turned to completely face you. "look at me." he gently guided your chin to meet his eyes, as you were apparently very keen on looking everywhere but him, and forced you to look at him.

"what i said last night... i didn't mean it. at all. you know i love your affection, right? i was just in a bad, bad mood yesterday, and 'm real sorry i lashed out at you because of it. i know i might be shit at expressing it right, but i love you and your clingy ass so much, and i'm sorry if it didn't seem that way. i love your touch and affection, really."

and with that, all of the fear came rushing out of you in the form of tears, and you jumped onto rin as you held him tight, your heart soaring in relief when he did the same. embarrassed to be seen, you buried your face in his chest and just sniffled silently.

"...you really mean it?"

"yeah,"

"it's not annoying? 'coz i want you to tell me if it is, and i'll work on it. really."

"it's not,"

"...you're sure?"

"i'm sure."

you then wiped your tears and giggled as you peppered his neck with kisses, laughing more when he scrunched up from the ticklish sensation.

"i love you," you said, stopping your flurry of kisses for a minute.

he gave you a boyish grin that made you melt and ran his hand through your hair. "i love you too, doll."

𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐈𝐈𝐋𝐄 ©𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 please do not copy or repost my work on any other site. interactions appreciated! 🤍

#ami writes 💌 #this is ... kind of bad HAHAHA #first hq fic so im working on it! #wrote this js to get the juices flowing coz im having a hard time w my rqs #trust my next hq work will be better. promise!! #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu drabbles #suna fluff #suna x reader #suna drabble #suna imagines

[cosmal]

okay so im currently struggling with really bad body image/restriction & all i can think of recently is james potter just being so, so kind and patient and gentle and helpful with a shy s/o struggling with the same things. letting them wear his quidditch sweater when they're insecure, making sure they eats, forehead kisses when he's proud of them, etc. i totally respect if you're not comfy writing for this, i adore your works<3

sweater

summary — james gives you his sweater when you're not feeling comfortable with yourself.

content — james potter x fem!afab!reader, tw for reader with body issues and eating issues, also I tried to keep the body description low because I didn't want to be too specific on why reader is feeling this way

note — thank u for the request lovely! i hope you're feeling better 🤍

You told James you’d be no longer than ten minutes. That ten minutes has well passed now and you’re sure he’s worrying crazy about you.

You did arrive when you said you would, but you’ve been standing outside the pub for at least twenty, trying to find the courage to go inside.

He’s probably sitting all alone inside and the thought makes you feel even worse about yourself, but still, your feet are stuck on the pavement and you can’t find the motivation to move.

You can feel your phone buzzing in your pocket, you ignore it because you know it'll be James. You think messaging him might be easier.

You stare at your reflection in the dirty window of the pub's front entrance instead of fishing for your phone. You look at your outfit - the last of many you'd rifled through whilst crying on the floor in front of your cupboard - and notice how it looks worse than it did in the lighting of your stuffy room.

It feels worse, too. The wind picks up and clings the material in spots you wish it didn't. You keep tugging the dress in an attempt to not feel so suffocated and end up feeling pathetic. You don't remember it being so short and the thought of going inside to sit down terrifies you. The idea of it riding up to show more of your legs, and it bunching around your torso makes you want to go home and sit in your pyjamas and fall asleep.

You don't want James to think you're ditching him, but for every possible scenario you see yourself in, all you can think about is how your outfit ruins it for you. The way you're feeling right now - the way you always feel about yourself - ruins it for you. Will ruin it for James.

Your phone dings and you think he knows you don't want to speak on the phone.

Everything ok love? xxx

You stare at the message until it blurs. You put him out of his misery and message back, feeling worse by the second.

sorry jamie. wont be long. x

You stand outside still and kick gravel. Holding your breath like a dizzy head is going to help in any way. You tug at the hem of your dress until the stitching cracks and try to find any ounce of confidence to go inside.

Patrons rush past you to get inside, out of the elements of the chilly, autumn afternoon air. You hear the bell above the door chime and then you hear his voice.

"There you are," he says softly, walking down the last few steps. His nice shoes click against the sandstone and you notice straight away how lovely he looks. His tan cords and maroon jumper. So simple but so very James. Effortlessly pretty.

He stands so close your shoes almost touch. "I'm sorry," you say in replacement of your usual warm greeting.

James frowns while opening his arms for a hug. You panic because he's about to feel you under his weight, scared of where he'll hold his hands. Though the thought of being buried in his chest almost makes the idea less painful.

"What're you sorry for, hmm?" he asks and you try to focus on anything else than the burning in your chest.

His scent, like spearmint and coffee, and a perfume of yours that you're not wearing now. The idea makes you tamp down the urge to cry. His chest is firm under your cheek where you've buried your face. You focus too hard on him for too long and you forget to answer.

He pulls you back and you startle. You miss his heat sorely. "Sweetheart?"

You clear your throat and blink. "Sorry."

"Y/N."

You shake your head and try to swallow. The words get caught in your throat and the way he's looking at you makes it harder. Soft eyes and an even softer frown. He's not pitying you, he looks sad. Even worse when he watches a tear dribble down your cold cheek.

"Hey," he says, half panicked, half worried. They blur into one emotion when he raises his hand to catch the tear before it curves down your chin. "C'mon."

He ushers you away from the entrance and to the brick wall curled around the side. Off of the pavement and under the awning to the side of the steps. "What's the matter."

Your tears slow because he's got his hands all over you. It's confusing because you don't want to be felt but he's not doing it for himself. He wants to calm you down.

"It's embarrassing," you mumble, craning your neck to wipe your cheek on the sleeve of your dress. You hope you don't get all snotty because it'll be embarrassing and you have no tissues.

"Let me be the judge of that," he says with the barest hint of a smile. He's still frowning and your chest feels worse. You hate it when you make him frown.

He'd never judge you. Never over anything that wasn't stupid, despite the fact that this feels stupid to you, he'd never. Over your favourite movie or how you like your eggs, maybe, but not this.

You say, "My dress," at a volume you're surprised he can hear.

"Your dress?" He looks at your outfit and you want to squirm out from where he's got his big hands on your arms.

"I don't," you take a big, gasping breath and try to fix your voice, "I don't like how I look in it. I don't like how I look in anything."

You and James have had this conversation before. It wasn't as emotional as right now, but he'd been lovely and understanding about the whole thing and he might be sweeter than he was before you told him if that's entirely impossible.

He tells you all the time how lovely you look. He knows when to compliment you on your outfit without being completely obvious about it. When he can tell you're struggling to choose an outfit or when he catches you staring at yourself in the mirror. I love that dress on you, honey. Or You've got your favourite top on! He's never specific but he always knows how to make you feel better.

"You feel uncomfortable?" he asks.

He never diminishes how you're feeling. If you don't like how you look, you don't like it. He likes to figure out how to help instead of telling you that you look good. That would be useless, a two-second conversation isn't going to get to the root of your problem straight away.

"I don't like how it feels on me," you sniffle, pulling at the material, "It's like I can't - like I can't breathe."

"Do you want to go home? We can eat in if you're feeling up to it?" He squeezes at your biceps and it feels nice. You lower your shoulders.

The idea is tempting, but you won't ruin his night. "I want to eat here."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," you say, not sounding very convincing.

"You're not lying to me?"

"Jamie..."

He bites his lip before letting you go. Reaching down to grasp the hem of his big sweater before tugging it over his head. He pushes his glasses back up his nose but ignores the mess of his hair.

"Arms up," he smiles.

"What?" you giggle despite yourself.

"You can wear this if you want," he says, bunching the soft woollen sleeves in his hands.

"You'll be cold," you tell him. All he's got is his white cotton tee.

"No I won't," he says firmly with a shake of his head.

You lift your arms because you won't win. And because you kinda do want to wear his jumper. You push your hands through the sleeves while he slips it over your head. When you pop back out with ruffled hair and a demure smile, James smiles even worse.

"How do I look?" you ask, twirling a little because you can't help it. It's strange how better you feel already. It's also not because James has that effect.

"Beautiful," he says and then doubles down, "You always look beautiful."

You feel like you might melt into a little puddle right then and there. Just slip right through the cracks of the pavement with the ants and weeds. "You're only saying that because I'm wearing your clothes."

James feigns offence, dropping his jaw and gasping, "Not true!" He's laughing now, "Not true. You look beautiful in everything."

He gets you into his arms and cages you against his chest, squeezing you tight and pushing his mouth into the side of your head, "And nothing."

"James!" you gasp but can't go anywhere. You don't really want to but it's fun to be this way with James. "You're dirty."

"I know," he says chuckling into your hair. "It's your fault though, babe. You bring it out of me."

You look turn to look at him and you smile. "Thank you."

"It's nothing," he says, smacking a kiss to your cheek. "Anything for you."

You kiss him back until he's grinning wildly like he can't help it. You how he's feeling because neither can you.

"Wanna go inside?" he asks when you pull back.

"We should."

"You feeling hungry?" he asks, snaking a hand down your arm to link your fingers.

"I could really go for some chips," you say honestly.

James grins, "Good," he says, "That's good. C'mon, I'll get you anything you like."

Of course, he will. You love him.

#james potter #james potter x reader #james potter x fem!reader #james potter x female!reader #james potter x female reader #james potter drabble #james potter one shot #james potter headcanon #james potter drabbles #james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #james potter fan fic #marauder x reader #the marauders #the marauders fanfic #the marauders fanfiction

[cat3ch1sm]

Hi, sorry this is my first time asking somebody something and English is not my first language so I apologize in advance.

I hope this is the right way to send in requests (I feel like a grandma using this app tbh 💀) but anyway I am in love with how you write chrollo and I honestly cant get enough.

So could you maybe write about Chrollo having an insecure s/o like she actually looks basic and even if she styles her hair and puts makeup on while wearing something pretty it doesn't make her feel beautiful so she rather wears casual clothes? I hope it is not too much

But again thank you for your writing <3

🕸️~ hello!! i’ll be happy to write your request, and dw you sent it in correctly lol💚 im very happy to see that you like the way i write chrollo, the whole reason i write is to make you all happy! without further ado, let’s get into the writing. enjoy, ily <333 so sorry for the wait btw :(( @shyminnie07

♥*♡∞:｡.｡ fem!reader

𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨 𝐱 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

You stared at yourself in the mirror, brows furrowed in thought. You’d spent the last hour and a half styling your hair, doing your makeup, getting dressed up, and accessorizing just to stand in front of the bathroom sink and not feel any different. Your boyfriend, Chrollo, and you were supposed to attend a prestigious gathering of crime syndicates and leaders, but standing here now, you were wondering if maybe you should back out. Chrollo was sure to be the most important figure at this gala, and to have a plain girl like you on his arm wouldn’t be a good look for him. No, people would be expecting a drop dead gorgeous girl, a woman rather, one who walked with pride and exhibited an aura of confidence and sophistication. That just wasn’t you.

With a sigh, you began to slip the gold bracelets from your wrists, letting them clatter to the sink counter. They just felt like dead weight. Carefully, you began to do the same to your necklaces.

You weren’t expecting Chrollo to walk in then, entering your bathroom in a very elegant black and red suit and tie. His hair was down and his forehead bandaged as it usually was when you two went out. The dark colors of his clothes brought out the paleness of his gray eyes, easy to get lost in as usual.

Seeing Chrollo look so lovely only confirmed your doubts, and still fiddling with your necklace clasp, you gave him a halfhearted smile as he came up to you.

Chrollo’s lips spread into a warm, dazzling smile. “My love, you look absolutely stunning tonight.” He noticed you trying to undo your necklace and moved behind you, thinking that you needed help putting it on. “Do you need help with your necklace, dear?”

You stepped away from Chrollo’s hands moving up to your neck, letting out a nervous laugh. “Ah, thank you, but it’s alright. I was just going to take it off.” Finally, you managed to undo the clasp of the necklace and set the silver chain on the counter.

Chrollo seemed confused. “Take it off? But it looks so lovely on you.”

You paused, not knowing how to respond, but when you saw yours and Chrollo’s reflection in the mirror, you remembered what you were going to say. “That’s a sweet thing to say. But… I hate to disappoint you, but I don’t think I’ll be going to this event with you.” You sighed and dropped your gaze, not wanting to see Chrollo’s reaction.

“How come?” Chrollo asked, trying to meet your gaze but unable to find your eyes. “Sweetheart, is something the matter? Did I do something to upset you?”

You shook your head frantically. “Oh, no, of course not! I just… don’t think I should be seen with you.”

Chrollo paused for a moment. “Is it safety you’re worried about? It is a valid concern… but if anybody tries to harm you at all, I’ll kill them. You know that.”

“Ah, no, it’s not safety. It’s just…” You trailed off. How were you supposed to tell him that you simply weren’t pretty enough to go to such an event with someone like Chrollo? It seemed so shallow. But you just couldn’t bring yourself to embarrass him with your presence. At least for this event, he deserved someone more desirable to the eye.

“Chrollo, look at you.” You gestured to the mirror, and he followed your gaze. “Everything about you is just so… perfect. There’s nothing out of place about you.” Your eyes briefly darted to your own reflection before instinctively dropping again. “And then there’s just me, I guess.” You didn’t really know what to say after that, instead picking up the necklace you’d taken off and twirling the chain around your finger.

Chrollo was silent for a bit. “Just you?” he queried. “What does that mean?”

You weren’t expecting the question, but you answered it anyway. “Well, I mean-“ you threw your hands up and dropped them back down again- “it’s just me. I’m not really all that pretty. Even with makeup and nice clothes on, I’m nowhere near your level. I would really just make you look bad.” Feeling like you’d said too much, you started out the bathroom, but Chrollo took your wrist in his hand before you could get out of reach. Gently, he turned you around until you were face-to-face with him.

He looked you up and down, his gray eyes meaningful. For a moment he didn’t say anything.

“Oh, my love, if only you could see yourself the way I see you,” Chrollo finally sighed, the wistful look in his eyes making you avert yours.

You rolled your eyes a little, trying to seem dismissive and like you didn’t care, but it was a facade. “Yeah, me too, I guess.”

“Look at me.” Chrollo took your chin in his hand and turned your face back towards him, making you startle in surprise and immediately drop your gaze again.

“Beauty isn’t in the eyes of the beholder but rather in the mind of its owner. If you genuinely don’t believe you’re beautiful, I can’t convince you otherwise. But you are. Really.” Chrollo lifted your chin up, making you look at him this time. “However, if you really don’t want to accompany me to the gala, I won’t make you. I’d hate for you to feel insecure.” Chrollo released your face and peered into your eyes again, making sure you understood him.

You hesitated before answering, twisting a strand of hair around your finger as you gazed tentatively into the mirror. “I think this time around I’ll just… stay here.”

Chrollo nodded understandingly. “Whatever you’d like, Y/N.” He glanced in the mirror briefly, straightening his tie before walking to the bathroom door. “If you’d like me to bring you back anything, let me know. Have a good night, my love.” And with that, he was gone.

(ew that was ass wtf)

(cat3ch1sm stop ending every story the same way challenge (IMPOSSIBLE))

#anime #chrollo x reader smut #chrollo x reader #chrollo x you #chrollo lucifer x reader #chrollo lucilfer x you #chrollo headcanons #chrollo fanfic #chrollo lucilfer headcanons #chrollo smut #chrollo lucilfer x reader #chrollo imagine #chrollo hcs #you x chrollo #reader x chrollo #hxh headcanons #hxh memes #hunter x hunter #hxh imagines

[pointy-spiral]

Hello! I hope you still take requests, if not I'm so sorry to brother you!!!

Anyways! I would love to see more of your yuusona, I think they are so cute 🥰.

And please tell us more about them :D

JKDLSJIIOAUEIOWUIOJKFLDJKFDL THANK YOUU!! :') not a bother at all!! This is such cute and sweet request!! u lil cutiee!!

i haven't really thought out much about her yet, and shes not really based on any specific Disney character, but i have some fun facts about her-

Her shirt is the same style as Epel's, because its a spare pomefiore shirt that Rook gave her during her first week at school. She's really scared of him though. Her first encounter with him was him commenting on her messy uniform, (since i doubt that Crowley would do much more than just grab whatever's in the lost and found basket for Yuu and call it a day) Rook basically drags her to Pomefiore to play dress up while she tries desperately to find some excuse to leave jkhfdfdshhsd

She wishes she could have just kept the job as a janitor instead of being a student at first (but she comes to like school starting the second year) since she enjoys cleaning and tidying and just going for walks, so being an errand runner for Crowley didnt seem too bad to her.

Because of this i wanted to make Floyds nickname for her "Vampire squiddy", since they feed on marine snow and are generally one of the "cleaners" of the deep sea. They live really deep in the sea, matching her gloominess and dislike for crowds and bright light. BUT THEN I REALIZE THAT LILLA CALLED DIBS ON BEING VAMPIRE SQUID so now i don't know anymore... i guess shrimpy still works..

Ever since accidentally stepping on Leonas tail she's been avoiding him like the plague. She thinks he's still mad at her, and nearly cries anytime she sees him dshdhdhdfhj she thinks he's super scary

The skirt she actually sewed by hand herself , using a spare curtain from Ramshackle as fabric.

Back in her "home world" she used to collect and make her own jewelry, the one she wears is one of them. She makes friendship bracelets for her friends of course.

She's good friends with Ortho, and they are desk neighbors. He's tried multiple times to invite her over for game night but she's too scared to hang out with Idia around. But her an Ortho hang out and study together a lot :) he's the designated extrovert friend

She became friends with Jade by being forced to wanting to join the Mountain lovers club. Its actually pretty good, since its a long walk and she can forage for stuff to eat so she can save more money (Crowley pays us in a handfull of pebbles and a pat on the back i swear to god) He's the social anxiety shield and talks for her sometimes.

She still kind of works as a janitor, and she stays after school hours to clean. And uses her job as an excuse to stay away from people, too much to clean!! so many floors to mop!! no i cannot come to ur party Kalim i am so so sorry!! would love too but i have to deep clean the school, by myself, all alone!! tomorrow as well! and the day after!! fdhdfshdshj

Has absolutely bonked Ace in the head with her broom!! he deserves it

Azul tries at some point to get her to be a janitor at Mostro lounge but she runs away from him mid conversation

Secretly very insecure about her height, thinking shes too tall for a lady, plus it just makes her stick out more as well

(actually as im writing this i realize she could be based on Cinderella in a way!!! with the whole evil stepmom (crowley) making you do a bunch of shitty work. im getting ideas.. >:) teehee gonna redraw the ball dance and glass slipper scene with her and someone maybe mwehehehehe)

#my art #twisted wonderland #twst fanart #my art🩷 #yuusona #twst oc

[valentine-writes]

hiii would love to see anything about miguel or spot!! if it’s not too much trouble!

in a good way.

「 tws + notes: no tws, unedited, might be ooc, almost all fluff, ok maybe a little angst but nothing crazy, pining becuz im a sucker for the chase, they are Yearning 」

「 gn!reader, can be platonic or romantic <3 」

↳ ft. miguel o'hara/spider-man 2099 and the spot/johnathan ohnn

author's note: I LOVE U ANON!! IT IZ NO TROUBLE AT ALL!! i hope these suffice,, plz 4give me if miguel's part is lackin just a bit!! im workin on writing him more accurately (*ﾉε｀*) <3 and y'all ATE UPPP the hcs for the spot last time so,, i hope y'all end up liking these too!! (also psstt,, usually i take into acc reader's personality here but since nothing specifically was requested, i'll try to keep it vague! sorry if certain parts aren't what you'd like!!)

MIGUEL O' HARA headcanons:

"i didn't know i was capable of being happy right now / but you showed me how"

▸ he's already lost,, a lot. this man is someone who had lost everything he had ever loved in pursuit of keeping it with him

so when he finds himself growing attached to you?? he feels like it's something he simply can't afford

he's doing everything to make sure he doesn't end up too attached, that you never get any closer to him

however– overtime, he finds that you are unavoidable. whether you're doing it on purpose or subconsciously, you always manage to pull him back to you.

just when he thought he had finally left you behind for good, you lure right him back in.

▸ i've seen a lotta hcs saying he's like,, smooth w/ it and stuff– BUT... part of me thinks that he doesn't have a clue about what to do with his feelings towards you

and he is far too prideful to ask for any sort of help or advice from anyone.

...so does it take an immense amount of time for him to even consider that it's okay to wanna be close to you? yes.

but he's weak for you. he knows it. part of him really, really doesn't want to be. but he is. and though he tries to convince himself it's not evident, it doesn't take a genius to realize it

▸ especially because miguel allows more to slide if it's you. this especially manifests in touching.

while miguel's not all "ew don't touch me" he doesn't really care for brief, friendly touches. this is different when it's you.

he might be speaking to you after a mission. while he talks, you're silently tracing the tips of his fingers with your own, observing his hands like they're the most interesting thing in the world.

"are you even listening to me?" he questions. there's a slight hint of irritation in his voice, his brow furrowing slightly. this expression of his softens almost immediately as you look up at him, eyes sparkling with curiosity.

"...your talons," you comment quietly, "they're retractable. that's cool."

he makes no effort to pull his hand away from yours. maybe he even secretly hopes you'll do it again sometime.

▸ miguel might be haunted by loving and losing from his past. but maybe loving you isn't such a bad thing. maybe it's a pain he's willing to endure. he'll try for you.

for you, it's worth it.

▸ OK GETTING LESS SERIOUS HERE. so i understand in atsv his fangs are retractable. but in the comics, it's noted that he tends to open his mouth very little when talking to conceal them.

i love this first of all.

now, miguel's not necessarily insecure of his fangs or his teeth (which are slightly crooked because of the new growth of his sharpened canines) but i imagine that he finds it easier to just keep them hidden and avoid any questions.

if he has to explain he's not a vampire to someone again he'll genuinely explode

"morning, migs–" you greet casually. another sign of his lenience towards you– he lets you give him nicknames.

"morning." he mutters back, just barely audible to you

you blink at him, trying to process what he said. "huh?"

"i said, good morning." he repeats, still mumbling without much of a volume change.

"damn, okay, okay– what's with all the grumbling? something got you stressed?" you're aware your question is stupid. knowing miguel, who always finds something to stress about– even at 8:30 am

he shakes his head this time, much to your surprise.

"i'm not grumbling." miguel insists.

"sounds to me like you are."

("nuh uh"

"fym nuh uh–")

miguel– when not bossing people around– is out here, mumbling and grumbling in casual conversation

and you're the one who's trying to remind him to speak up.

▸ no matter what relationship you're in– friendship, queerplatonic, romantic, whatever– he's generally a bit more reserved about it.

he sees it like this: if you two are close, why would it be anyone else's business?

however a certain holographic companion and her big mouth (which i wanna kiss oh so sweetly i heart lyla) ends up making a little joke about you two in front of a few other spider-people

lyla's casual abt it– saying sumn like, "don't mind him, he's being grumpy because his favourite isn't around."

name-drops you before miguel can tell her to shut up– and everyone's like "?!?!?!"

and the word SPREADS

▸ but like. is it really too much of a surprise? more than often, he finds himself trying to check up on you to see how you're doing.

"just making sure you're fine." is his weak little excuse just to see your face and hear your voice again.

when something is just mildly wrong though... he's the type to scold while taking care of it.

"i'm fine," you shrug, trying to rub some warmth into your arms, "just a little cold."

"i told you to bring a sweater." he groans, looking around for his.

those seemed to be miguel's favourite words sometimes: "i told you."

"i know..." you mumble sheepishly, staring at your shoes.

before you can say anything else, he drapes his sweater over your shoulders. "next time, i'm letting you freeze."

you look up at him with a little smile, mouthing a quiet "thank you" to him.

(there is no next time. he lets you keep the sweater.)

▸ ok one last headcanon cuz im obsessed w/ the little details abt this man. so. canonically (and i love this) HE DOESNT HAVE SPIDER-SENSES LIKE MOST SPIDER-PEOPLE.

instead, he has elevated super-human hearing and vision. but– (if you're like me) when this information is revealed to you,,, the immediate thought is to mess w/ him as much as possible.

trying to sneak up on him and startle him has become a common game between the two of you– so much so, that he's almost expecting you to be around every corner he passes if he hasn't seen you in a while.

he catches you before you get the chance on occasion. you forget to hold your breath and he hears you. your heart is beating hard, out of the sheer adrenaline rush of hiding and he picks it up. maybe you didn't notice that you're not fully concealed.

each time, he'll sigh exasperatedly and pull you out of your hiding spot.

"you think you're so funny." his grip is still on you, and though most would read his expression as annoyed– you catch the slight glimmer of amusement in his eyes. you're just lucky he finds your antics endearing.

on the chance you do manage to genuinely catch him off guard, he curses loudly, immediately going on defence mode

"shocking hell," he groans, upon seeing it's just you, "i was going to web you to the wall."

miguel probably does accidentally web you at some point. "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" he'd say.

(he might act like you're a complete headache sometimes- but ur his headache <3)

THE SPOT/JOHNATHAN OHNN headcanons:

"you make me wanna cry in a good way"

▸ he finds an excuse to talk to you always. (SINCE WHEN DID "I WANNA HEAR YOUR VOICE" NOT BECOME A GOOD EXCUSE) calling you up, messaging you– if you give him permission, he'll ramble a ton to you. about physics, the multiverse– anything he's passionate about.

it means the world to him if you ask him questions about it, actively engage in the conversation, or even just showing that your listening by welcoming his endless chatter. he even tries to impress you with his knowledge. he wants to be perceived as cool in your eyes so bad. craves admiration,, or at least appreciation. and nothing makes him feel more admired than you listening to him talk.

but he's obviously not tryin' to talk your ear off and bore you to death. he wants to hear your voice too– and takes genuine interest whenever you decide to ramble back with whatever's been in your head recently– maybe it's something you find particularly interesting, a piece of media you really like, something you're passionate about– he'll pay attention and listen to every word.

you get a turn and he gets a turn! ´͈ ᵕ `͈

if you happen to share a common interest– whether it's because you got him into it, he got you into it, or you both just liked it in the first place– the back and forth about said topic will be as endless as you want it to be

▸ the type of guy to bump into you constantly while you walk with him (is this also a habit of mine? we'll never know...) and it is PURELY unintentional. he can't walk in a straight line to save his life

he's walking with you casually, and all of a sudden, his shoulder will crash into yours, nearly knocking you off balance

he fumbles over his words a moment, reaching out his arms to catch you– and he manages to break your fall. he regards this as a very smooth move on his end, in spite of the fact he was the cause of you nearly eating pavement

"sorry! i'm so sorry– are you okay? i mean, yeah, you probably are. i caught you. you're welcome–"

"my hero." you reply, with a playful roll of your eyes, giving him a light smack on his arm (earning a little "ow" and a nervous chuckle from him) as you restabilize yourself.

▸speaking on his little “ow haha” moment… headcanon that even though he’s not really all that sensitive, he reacts like he is. the type of guy to say “ow” at every minor discomfort.

he has a mild headache? actually his brain is melting inside his skull and he needs to whine about it. he has a cold? he’s literally dying. when he’s comfortable with you, he’s comfortable enough to complain– even about trivial things

he's well aware it's not actually the end of the world. he's just silly enough to act like it is. very reactive fella :>

totally the type to exaggerate just to see you react,, he thinkz itz funny–

"oww,," he whines, rubbing his arm where you'd just given him a light punch, "you're so mean to me."

you try to stifle a laugh. "man, c'mon. i didn't even hit you that hard."

"it's gonna bruise :((("

"can you even bruise in uh..." you trail off, staring at the his post-collider incident body, white and spotted with black portals "...your state?"

"ok now that actually hurt."

▸ he's more selfless with you. ohnn often finds himself wanting to do anything in his power to make you happy. anything for you. anything.

may be just a teeny bit insane about the way he carries this out, but it's mostly innocent and sweet gestures

like, if you casually mention wanting something, he'll 100% dimension hop just to bring it back to you.

and while you know that he's probably stolen it,,, you can't find it in yourself to blame him. he's got the purest of intentions. his demeanor changes from nervous and awkward to proud, as he presents you with the thing you were just talking about a few days ago.

“no way, dude!” your eyes light up, taking the bag of candy (or whatever you like if you're not a big fan of sweets) he just presented you with, “i haven’t had these in ages-  i swore this was discontinued, though. where'd you get them?”

“i have my ways.” you can hear the dorky grin in his voice.

he loved watching your face light up in excitement over even the simplest of gifts.

▸ feels like he's holding you back sometimes. he's well aware that his situation means that you two can’t really be in the public eye. it hurts him to think you could be living a completely normal life if he was just never in that stupid collider… or if he let you go, so you could find someone else

he’d never break up with you though. he feels too selfishly about you– if you’re gone from his life, who else could love him the way you do?

sometimes, these thoughts and worries keep him up at night. expect late night conversations, his face buried in your shoulder as he holds you tight, as if he’s scared you’re going to slip away if he lets go.

there are nights where he has a hard time believing you really wanna live like this.

“hey…” you whisper, pulling away slightly so you can look at him. you gently grab onto his jaw, tilting his chin up so he meets your gaze.

his entire frame is trembling, leaning into your touch. he doesn’t speak.

“you know you’re irreplaceable to me, right?”

he melts at the tenderness of your voice, the patience you have with him. he pulls you in just a little tighter. your comfort never fails him.

▸ TRUST ME WHEN I TELL YOU THIS MAN IS 100% FOR YOUU. on your side. always.

someone was mean to you? they're an asshole and he hates them.

someone was condescending towards you? they're an idiot and they've got no clue who they're talking to.

but if someone dares to bother you beyond just making you mildly irritated and/or upset– if someone makes you cry?

DAWGGG,, ALL HELL IS BREAKING LOOSE. nevermind if you insist you're fine or that you can deal with it yourself. he's asking for full names, addresses, details– he's revenge motivated. anything for you.

▸ ok moving onto normal fluff for the last bit (ﾉ)'ω`(ヾ)

corny. corny. corny.

he's incredibly endearing with his earnesty as he tries to expresses his adoration for you... but also very cheesy and dorky when it comes to showing you affection.

it's sickeningly sweet, the way he stammers over every compliment, trying to explain how much he loves every bit of you.

giving him a genuine compliment back to shut him up has him nearly fainting.

johnathan likes getting verbal reassurance and praise,, but he's much better at showing his affection via physical touch– of course, only if you don't mind. doesn’t wanna make you uncomfortable!!

but if you're comfy, he ends up craving physical affection as well– i talked abt this in these headcanons but IM BRINGING IT UP AGAIN AS PART OF TOUCHSTARVED JOHNATHAN NATION.

one day, you're leaning into his side sitting close to him on your couch. your cheek rests against his shoulder while your fingers are gently tracing his arm up and down, brushing against his skin with a feather-light touch, absentmindedly. he squirms a little beneath your touch, the room being too quiet for his liking.

"so... what are you doing?" he asks, glancing over at you.

"guess." you reply, not looking up.

you're tracing... something. he can't seem to get why though.

"oh uh- okay." he thinks for a moment, a bit puzzled. after a second, he perks up, piecing it together slowly in his head.

"are you tracing a letter?" johnathan asks curiously.

you nod silently.

"okay, okay– uh... L?"

another nod.

"O?"

nodding again, there's a small smile on your face.

"V? ...oh–" he chuckles slightly, now understanding what you were spelling.

he's amused at your strange way of affection. guess he isn't the only one capable of being sappy.

you laugh softly, finally tracing an E on the skin of his forearm, followed by a U and a little heart <3

"you could've just told me, y'know." in spite of his words, he knows that he likes this. you and your silly ways of showing that you care. the ways you tell him that he's cherished.

you huff, giving him a light smack on his arm. "you're no fun." your eyeroll does little to conceal the grin growing on your face.

he flinches from the playful hit. "owww..."

(YOU TWO ARE SILLY 2GETHER!! SILLY NATION!!!!)

#I HOPE THESE WERE OK!!!! tysm anon for feeding my inbox #methinks i could've done a bit better for migs but idk what y'all wanna see from him tee bee aich #atsv #across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara #spider man: across the spider verse #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara headcanons #the spot #johnathan ohnn #johnathon ohnn #the spot atsv #the spot x reader #johnathan ohnn x reader #the spot headcanons #atsv the spot #again IDK HOW TO TAG FOR THE SPOT #atsv x reader #spiderverse

[elsfairy]

COOKING with Sevika;

I'd love to cook with her, what the fuck?

• At any given point, she will try distracting you. Either that being playing with your hair when you're mixing the ingredients for your cookies. Or taking, and hiding the things you needed.

• Will laugh watching you struggle to find whatever she tries to hide on the top shelf. Not your fault you're short as shit.

• Eventually she will help you.

• Can't help but find it amusing and adorable when you get excited about those stupid cookie cutters she bought you. (you were eyeing them up for weeks)

• Sevika loved cooking with you, but ask that woman to crack an egg she will walk away. She didn't like the feeling of it. The texture made her skin crawl. For you though? she would do it, somehow.

• Has a serious habit of hitting you on the ass with that stupid spatula. You weren't sure why, but she loved doing it. You didn't mind though.

• Secretly enjoys making cupcakes with you more than cookies, but just seeing how happy you are, makes her happy. So she is down to make anything with you. Again, but no touching eggs.

• Has a HUGE habit of rubbing the cookie/cake batter over your face. Literally anywhere she can find space, she is right there with it, waiting. She was indeed a brat when it involved cooking with you.

• "Hey, you look pretty hot with that stuff on your face sweetheart"

• Sometimes it didn't even have to be baking. Sevika was actually a really good cook, so some nights you would just be in the silent kitchen in each others presence, cooking your dinner.

• You can guarantee whatever plays on the radio, Sevika will hum along while adding those stupid (yet cute) sparkles on her cookies. She loved it secretly.

• Cooking and baking always made you miss your family, so she would be right there wrapping her arms around you, reassuring you that it's okay.

• The days you didn't feel like cooking because you weren't feeling okay, Sevika would do everything in her power to at least get you into the kitchen, just to be there with her. She loved when you were around. You always agreed because well, you loved her and loved seeing her happy.

• She was always the one to accidently burn herself when using the stove or oven. Literally every single time.

• "Most scariest woman in Zaun, and you can't handle this?" You always teased her with no doubt.

• She is the type to admire you from afar when you're zoned out in your own world.

• Holds you, even after you're both done with making food.

• Steals more cookies from the tray for later when you're not looking. You aren't that blind though. You know her antics, in & out.

• Tells you over and over that you always make the best food/treats, even though you tell Sevika that she was in fact the better cook between the two of you guys.

• The rest of the night is just spent cuddled up together, eating your cookies and listening to the rain against the window.

Note; I'll be honest. Im slowly losing my shit. As much as i would love to be able to, i cannot fathom on how to write a full 3/4k word fucking Sevika x Reader imagine. For the ever loving Christ, i cannot get into doing one. It starts off fine, then my ADHD will come out, and i will end up writing a bunch of random words and end up stressing myself out. Head canons for me, are easier because this way i can somehow make it make sense? i think, idk. The small imagines are fine but when it comes to actually writing one with a full plot, adding more characters, set fucking scenes? i panic because i am very insecure with my writing, how it looks and sounds. I also fucking suck at writing smut. So there is that :/ Last night i deleted like 5 drafts because it just downright sucked ass. I've been staring at my cooking with Sevika head canon for 3 hours (This one) and im just loosing my fucking mind, because i feel like it's just not good enough but oh well, enjoy it. Sorry for the rant.

#sevika x you #arcane sevika #sevika #sevika x reader #sevika headcanon #sevika imagine

[leclerced]

Omg please hades son Oscar is what I need. He’s friends with Lando and they are the duo that everyone is scared of in camp cause they are children of the big three but in reality Oscar is really calm and very self-aware when it comes to his powers. Well Lando not so much because he likes the fact he’s so powerful, unlike Oscar. But Oscar always tries to control him as much as he can and it works. I can so see Max coming into camp later and he’s super insecure and guarded because of that. But the two warm their way into his heart eventually and now kids worry not only about Hades’ and Poseidon’s sons but also Zeus’. They are the new big three however their father don’t like it.

Oscar would date Demeter’s daughter and they are the perfect balance to each other. She’s life and he’s death and it’s just the way it was always supposed to be. I can see Lando dating Hades’ daughter so well basically Oscar’ sister and when Oscar finds out it’s the only time he looses control and maybe they have this epic fight that ends in half of the camp destroyed and them hugging each other in the end because it’s stupid to fight they can just talk it out (they can’t. Oscar just has to deal with it). Who would Max date??? I can maybe see Athena’s daughter? It fits I think.

Or well Charles. Charles is always a good idea

tbh i kinda want the big 3 kids to be only children like in the percy jackson series bc it adds a lil extra drama to be forbidden children, plus w lando as a poseidon kid i kinda want him w an athena daughter to keep up w the stupid boy/smart girl dynamic that percy and annabeth have because its sooo cute. my fav

if oscar had a sister, and lando dated her, there wouldn't even be a chance a fight, oscar would open the ground up and send him straight down to daddy. gf standing off to the side like 😦 did you just- did you just send my bf to hell? and oscar’s like oops sorry, i passively thought that i wished the ground would swallow him whole when i saw you holding hands but i didn’t expect it to happen? everyone in camp is staring down the ravine going through camp and then looking to oscar with fear in their eyes and he’s just like ): dont look at me like that im sure he’ll be back soon. my dad will get sick of him real quick.

lando’s in hades's realm playing fetch with cerebus and chatting up old spirits. hades pissed because some idiot is distracting his guard dog again. few hours goes by and lando appears in the middle of camp, a little dirty from his impromptu dive underground, but okay. gf doting on him and oscar's sick of it but doesn't make the world eat him again.

could also work w a lil love triangle/thrupple moment where oscar and her are best friends and he's hopelessly in love w her but thinks he has no shot and then he sees her and lando flirting and next thing you know a hole is opening under lando's feet and he's got a one way ticket to visit hades.

i could see max with a daughter of aphrodite, he’s normally very confident bc he’s so strong, once he settles into the camp all the girls are crushing on him and he flirts w them all so easily except for her. any other child of aphrodite yea sure pretty or whatever. but he sees her like picking berries with oscar’s gf from demeter and just stops and stares and oscar is like “y’know my girl can put in a good word for you!” and max gets all flustered and is like “im a son of zues, i don’t need help picking up girls.” oscar daring him to go talk to her if he doesn’t need help, and max doesn’t back down from any challenge so he goes to talk to her. he gets a few steps away and forgets how to speak, the rehearsed lines fade away and he’s turning around just before he gets to them. he rushes back to oscar like, okay yeah. maybe ask her to put in a good word. he goes so stupid around her and all he can think ab is how pretty she is, how nice the sound of her voice is, how pillowy her lips look.

or we talked about a nemesis child, max could date a child of nemesis and she’s sooo protective over him and will fuck w anyone who bothers him. someone makes an offhand remark about him and they have bad luck for a week. injures him sparring and they get hurt twice as bad by their next opponent. her and him flying together, holding hands and zipping through the clouds, her with actual wings and him just using the wind.

#ask #lifeboredme #greek au

[atxxzist]

broken | c.s (05)

prev // next // series m.list

pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 5.7k

warning: san is awful im sorry, depictions of anxiety & trauma, lots of insecurities, very brief smut scene, pls do lmk if i missed anything!

the irony of it to rain on such a day might just be a pure coincidence, or maybe life really is cruel and it's a sick reflection of your current situation.

you're sure it's just the weather but it does feel like the sky is laughing at you; at the conflicts running rounds in your head and all the unanswered questions that only keeps adding up.

you exit the bathroom with showered hair and slightly drenched clothes, eyes immediately landing on san's angled figure as he goes to search the fridge for something.

it's the first time he doesn't instantly kick you out or tried to leave after sex, instead having told you to get cleaned up and proceeded to hand you a set of clean clothes.

you don't know why or how he just has that laying around considering he lives alone and very much only wear men's attires. or perhaps you do, but you don't allow yourself to even think of the possibility.

you stand still in your spot, unsure of what to say. the last time you actually had a proper conversation with him was so long ago, if you're not spewing something suggestive in response or moaning his name, it's like you don't know how to talk to him anymore.

fortunately, he notices you before you're to say anything.

"hey, you're back," he says, coming off a little too enthusiastic that has your head turning towards the light once again; that small ounce of hope that he's happy to see your return.

"hey," you reply with a smile.

he closes the fridge--your attention moving to the can of sprite in his clutch as he takes a sip. he's in sweatpants and a black t-shirt, hair still a little wet and messy from having just taken a shower before you but he looks so good. he always does.

"want one?" he offers, gesturing to the drink in his hold. you shake your head.

he hums and proceeds to take another gulp. you continue standing in front of the bathroom door for a few more seconds before heading to the couch with small, awkward steps.

your palms dig into your knees and your lips are shut tight as you think of something to say; something that will make the time spent with him all more memorable in comparison to the ones before.

"hey, san..."

the weather was more leniet at first--only small sprinkles and droplets that coats your eyelashes, making your vision all more blurry. but it grows increasingly worse.

the sprinkles and droplets morphing into heavy rain that wets the pavements and has everyone rushing for any kind of cover--including you.

you find yourself under the hood of a convenience store with at most three other people, hoping the rain will die out soon or at least enough so you guys can continue on your day, though knowing it's not going to happen any sooner.

the weather doesn't magically change just because it's bringing misery to all those around.

and you would've taken a cab, but just yesterday you realized that most of your spendings went to cab fares--going and coming back from san's place, if you continue on any longer, you just might wind up penniless by the end of the month.

so you opted for traveling by foot since the distance from campus isn't too bad. you just didn't think mother nature would have other plans in mind.

you don't even notice how close you are to the entrance of the store until someone's chest hits your back, causing you to fly just a step forward.

"sorr--" both of you utter at the same time; you turning around and the word gets clogged immediately because it's not a stranger that happened to bump into you, but someone you recognize.

"oh... what are the chances." yeosang laughs; the door slamming behind him.

he has an umbrella in one hand and a bag in the other.

"right, what are the chances," you repeat after.

"waiting for someone, or?"

"no," you deny with furrowed brows. "it's raining hard."

"oh..." his eyes light up. "just as they forecasted. reason why i brought an umbrella, though it was pretty light before."

right... the weather forecast. why didn't you think of that?

"what do you like to watch?" you ask, the idea having came along because of his tv situated in front.

he doesn't answer right away, settling on a short silence first.

"just movies and the occasional dramas."

you nod slowly, deciding if you should pry any further, because ever since the first question you asked him, you've gathered up a strange amount of confidence to make up for your curiosity regarding what kind of person san is.

he didn't seem to be on board with it the first time, but he was somewhat neutral about it the second and third time, answering without the bitterness that used to grace his tone.

his answers proved to be very efficient in filling up a certain section of your notebook you've titled: facts about choi san.

birthday: july 10th

favorite color: purple

major cat lover

"any specific ones in mind?" you pry either way, but in the end, curiosity does indeed kill the cat.

he appreciates your efforts; the willingness to learn about someone like him, but he's told you... that it won't matter. because soon enough, you will see that he is someone not worth knowing; not worth all the time or efforts.

he answered your questions in hope of you understanding that--not because he somehow had a change of mind. and he really doesn't want to do it; he thinks you're too sweet and too kind, but he's gonna have to.

because if he doesn't do it now, he's going to have to do it some time in the future--tell you what all of this between you and him really is, and that you have it all wrong, even if he's the one to feed the idea into your head.

all this deeper talk and getting to know's--it won't matter and it likely never will. because choi san doesn't do relationships and he has never loved anyone ever.

"what were you even doing out and about anyways?" yeosang asks.

you want to snark back just because he's yeosang and for all you know, that might've been a jab. but you don't.

because he's allowing you to walk back to campus with him, huddling under the lone umbrella he brought.

"i just got back from the first day of my job."

"ah," he lets out like it's all coming together. "that was kind of quick."

"what is?" you turn to him.

"well, the job field has been kind of tough lately. and you found one pretty fast. that's kind of impressive."

you snicker, because a compliment from yeosang is almost too uncanny, and also because it's definitely not impressive at all. if only he knew how you came about getting the job.

you had a similar conversation with mingi and yunho not too long ago; them with equally eager ears to hear about how you went at scoring a job before them.

if you wanted to give them a heart attack, you would tell the truth. thankfully, you care for their well-being.

"i guess so..." you mumble.

he doesn't answer; the both of continuing on with light steps, kicking the wet pavement that causes the water to rise and then drop.

you feel surprisingly at peace; calm, and like you can breathe even if just for a short while. how odd of you to feel such a thing when yeosang's by your side.

you sneak a quick glance his direction, but it's enough to catch how far he has the umbrella toward your end, it's barely covering him--proven when you slouch over slightly and see that his side and shoulder are wet.

you take the initiative to grab a part of the umbrella's handle to scoot it over to his side.

"your things are going to get wet," you refer to his short snacks run. you're definitely not concerned about him.

he looks down at the bag from your comment, seeing that only the side is partly damped, he shrugs it off.

"almost there," is all he says; you trying to keep from rolling your eyes and protesting when he scoots the umbrella back to cover your entire head.

"you walked here?" he shifts the topic.

"well, yes," you answer.

"and you didn't think of taking a cab or having someone pick you up in this weather?"

"no..."

no one you know--that being mingi and yunho, owns a car and a cab is out of your budget, and that despite the standing of yours and san's 'relationship' as of currently, you hoped he would've at least offered you a ride or something.

because he was the one who got you the job, and you did told him they finally called you back; that you were scheduled for training the following day.

just wishful thinking.

the dorms is within view soon enough; yeosang walking with you to yours and stopping at the front where the rain cannot reach, fast to shrink the umbrella away.

his and yunho's room is just in the next building, only a short walk ahead.

"next time, bring an umbrella or check the forecast at least." it sounds like he's scolding you and you can't help but to crack a tiny smile.

"okay, mom," you reply playfully and he scoffs in return.

"and don't think i'm growing a soft spot for you or something. but it would truly be a shame if i left you out there. can't have yunho and mingi worrying if something was to happen to you."

you roll your eyes but let a dry chuckle escape. because though his words are harsh, something tells you he's just trying to put on a front and probably doesn't mean it. at least not all of it.

"whatever you say." there's a provoking smile on your face, but he brushes it off.

"see you," he mumbles hardly audible and already turns his back on you, but stops in track when you shout his name making his feet shuffle around.

he doesn't say anything, only raising an eyebrow.

"thank you," you utter just loud enough for him but with a softer tone you didn't even know you were capable of.

confusion strikes his expression as if he heard it wrong, but when you don't budge--only keeping a still smile on, his face relaxes.

"yeah..." he replies.

tears seem to have welled up in your eyes; a radiant glow in them that san can see even from where he's standing.

he didn't mean to snap at you like that--having came off so short and annoyed from your eagerness and nonstop questions. he knows you're delicate and fragile; he knows.

but you wouldn't stop asking; wouldn't stop prying, and he had to do it. but now that your palms are rubbing over your knees with trembly lips and tears pricking your vision, he definitely does feel a little shitty.

a heavy sigh leaves him, one hand raking over his hair but he still puts his drink down to walk to where you are, taking the empty seat beside.

your lashes flutters once and a lone tear drops down to your cheek before you wipe it away with a sniffle.

he's definitely had his name cursed before but he hasn't exactly had a crying girl who makes him retract even for a mere second.

he scoots closer, shortening the gap and his hands reaches for you to look at him; clasps on the side of your face so he can meet your eyes--dull, sad ones--different to those he's used to seeing that's overflowed with hatred and anger.

"hey, hey..." he murmurs whisper-like, thumbs soothing over your skin as if you're a wounded animal and needs only the utmost care or you'll break any moment.

"you okay?" his gaze sinks into yours and it could've convinced you he really does care. perhaps a part of you already believes it.

"i-i just don't get why you always get so short-tempered when i ask something..." you manage to get out through the quivering on your lips.

his eyes drop to his lap with a low sigh before he fixates them on yours again.

"i just don't think they're that important."

“even if i answer, it won’t matter.” his words from last time all of a sudden coming back, and they ring so similarly.

your lips distort into a pout, both your hands slowly creeping up to overtake his.

"i just want to know more about you. that's it," you say almost like a whine.

it's probably annoyance that crosses his face; him having told you more than once already and still, you're insisting.

"baby," he coos, his touch are like silk when he goes to tuck some strands of hair behind your ear. he thinks your eyes are even sadder without all the loose strands in the way.

"you're overthinking."

silence fills the room shortly before you speak again.

"then... can i just ask you one last question? only one more."

the hesitation that graces his body language doesn't go unnoticed, but he nods and ushers, "go ahead."

you have to swallow down the pit in your stomach; ignore the voice in your head that's probably internally cringing, because what you're about to say is going to make you sound pathetic as hell.

"a-are we in a relationship?"

it's the question that's been on your mind for the longest time ever since he kissed you and more. all of this... what does it mean?

the way he's unmoved in his position with a blank expression makes you want to recoil. because though you're practically an amateur when it comes to such a thing, you do want him to say yes.

"no? i don't think so?"

the deep disappointment that leaves your chest along with a rough exhale has san scrambling for a second attempt. his hands has moved to his laps by now, but his eyes stays gawking at you.

"well... define relationship. there's many kinds."

now he's trying to deflect; prolong the painful revelation for just a little longer. because when he breaks it to you, he knows it will hurt a lot.

"i mean, are we dating?" you keep your gaze trained on him, eyes not even wandering for a second--like if you keep it there, he will answer faster... though you already know what he's going to say. the first answer he gave is very telling.

you were just hoping you could defy all odds.

"no."

there's no shame or embarrassment in the way he said it. you almost wish there was; that there would be even just the smallest of guilt that slips out. but nothing. he doesn't even feel sorry enough to detach from your gaze. in fact, it has never left.

"then... what are we?"

the ease in his movements and features; lacking of any kind of tenseness that has taken over you completely tells you this is a much bigger deal to you than him.

"we're..." he drags his words before finishing it off, "friends." a smile settling on him after that makes you feel so sick--whether it's from how attractive he still looks or how the answer brings out so many other questions.

"friends?" you reiterate like you're in denial.

"yeah, friends."

"do friends sleep with each other?" kiss each other, visit one another and spew such sweet, blush-inducing words that conjures up butterflies?

"some friends do."

the aloofness and the attitude; it's all like he's rehearsed this exact conversation before. or maybe... maybe you're not the first one to ask him such a thing, but you have to mentally shut that thought out.

you're quiet and you're thinking--thinking of so many things. your hands are clasped together in your lap and your eyes has dropped to his knees as if they're the most fascinating thing at the moment.

he swallows down and is the one to break the silence.

"but, if you don't want to be friends, that's fine as well."

your head snaps up immediately at that and you look almost scared, terrified of the possibility of not being able to see or be with him again.

he takes one of your hand into his while the other one strokes over the skin of your cheek with care before placing a kiss on your forehead; his touch such a contrast to the harshness leaving his mouth.

"you don't have to give me an answer now. but, when you make up your mind, call me or something. either way, i'm not going to be mad or upset."

he smiles and finally lets go of your hand and of everything else that he has connected to you.

one minute it's like you're so close and the next, he's slipping away from your grasp and everything else around you is growing dimmer; darker.

"you should go. keep the clothes."

and like every other times, you always do. but you can't help but think if you had not asked him that question; not let the eagerness and curiosity get to you, maybe he might've let you stayed longer.

you lay awake in your bed, the room a little dark but that's the least of your worries.

granted, with yuna being your roommate and all her decorations and paintings being shoved in your face, you would think you'd be familiar with them by now. but you haven't really spent much time breaking down her choices and the stories behind them--with art not really your type of thing.

but with the former anxiety that has crawled into your system again, your body tense and racing with nothing to do, your mind latches onto any kind of distractions--even if short term.

yuna has exactly three paintings that she has hanging. she wanted more at first but opted only for those she thought showed off her skill the best; limited by space and an intense dislike for clutters.

the lotus from before is situated in the middle and the other two yields similar color stories--of soft and pastel pink with dashes of blue here and there.

you're absolutely clueless about art, but it does give you an idea of what yuna likes and how much the style fits her personality if you know her personally.

the one on the left is more abstract, the pink and blue really sticking out in the pattern she painted them in. while the one on the far right looks like an actual drawing before plastering all the strokes over it.

it's of a princess and a prince, standing in front of a blurred castle staring into each other's eyes and you can only assume they're deeply in love--at least judging by the long black curves yuna had drawn on her and his mouth that depicts them smiling.

or maybe they're not in love, that's possible, too. after all, it's yuna's art, not yours. but you do wonder what exactly yuna had in mind when she made it.

because everything and everyone has a story; san, too.

and now... you're just overthinking things.

so you close your eyes and let the exhaustion from today consume you, drifting off to sleep where the mind can relax and all the weight of the world disappears temporarily.

~

you're sitting on your knees, everything dark around you except for the only source of light being a light bulb that hangs above your head.

whether you're in a room or not, you can't tell. but it looks like the darkness stretches out beyond; like if you keep walking, it'll go on forever.

then your eyes drop to your lap--your hands palming them and you're taken aback because your fingers... they're a lot smaller; and you catch the jeans you're wearing, then the light blue cardigan that you haven't seen in so long--it was an outfit you often wore back in grade school.

suddenly, you hear a voice. a loud voice; a female voice. she's angry and her words hold so much passionate hatred in them, a switch in your brain goes off because there's only one person who you recognize in this tone: your mother.

after she speaks, a new, different one comes in just as loud as hers, but he's frustrated; defeated. it's your father.

you can't make out what they're saying anymore because their voices merge together to create a concotion that makes the hair on your skin rise, producing a vibration that is felt through your whole body at the vile nature of it all--

your eyes snap open, beads of sweat forming on your forehead as you attempt to catch your breath.

when you shoot up to read the time by the nightstand, it's the awful revelation that only an hour has gone by, still seven in the evening but yet, it felt so much longer.

the image of what you just dreamt creeps up and you have to squeeze the headache away.

it's been so long... or at least a good while that you had one of those dreams; nightmares if you can call it that.

not the kind that's usually plastered on covers with monsters crawling from under beds or having been body swapped with a bee. but the ones that serves as a reminder of how much of a burden your existence is--to your parents, to your aunt and uncle, and to all those around you.

“have you ever had intrusive thoughts that keeps you awake at night? or things that just, no matter how hard you try pushing to the back of your mind, you can’t seem to get rid of?”

was it that you really couldn't think of anything, or were you just hoping that if you put a band-aid as a solution to the problem; move to a new town and leave everything behind, it will go away on its own?

entry #5

i had one of those dreams again... at least a good portion of my senior year leading up to me moving to seoul had been okay... probably because i had some kind of hope to cling onto--that being a new beginning and all. i used to get them a lot, shortly after moving with my aunt and uncle, and even they started appearing in them, too, along with junseo after he broke up with me. i'm still not 100% what causes them, but i do notice a pattern that it usually occurs when i'm in great distress and my mind whirls into the deeper end. i think i'm overstressing myself too much regarding san...

you do everything in your power for the next couple of days to keep your mind occupied so it doesn't think of san--doesn't think of junseo's words because if you linger on it long enough, you just might believe it.

that you really are undeserving of being loved, and all the pains you've suffered were brought upon by your own lack of competence.

you have to really not think; just keep your mind running with a backlog of things to do.

mingi and yunho are suspicious at first of the sudden high volume of requests to hang out but don't think too much of it, just glad that you're going to places that aren't the cafe or library.

yuna also started staying in more, telling you the gatherings and hangouts are getting stale and causing her to have a burnout so she needed a break.

she is a ton of fun to be with and always has an idea in back up of a first idea.

"a date?" you repeat to make sure, your voice turning high.

she nods, at the same time painting over the nail on your ring finger with the chosen yellow shade.

"so, will you do it?"

when she first brought up the idea of doing your nails, you didn't think it'd come with a request as well--her having scored a double date with a cute guy at one of the gatherings with the only problem being she doesn't have anyone else to bring along.

you shift in your spot with hesitation, her silk sheet under brushing against your skin.

"i'm not sure."

she drags another stroke over your pinky before looking up to stare at you.

"his friend might be cute!" the way her eyes go wide is kind of endearing.

you release a quiet giggle, her face at first as equally amused until something seems to click in her head and her eyes go even wider.

"oh! or do you already have someone else? that guy, san, right?" she tilts her head, asking with genuine curiosity. she just didn't expect for the smile on you to falter so quick, she draws back immediately.

even if she doesn't know what you're going through, your reaction is already quite telling.

"sorry..." she mouths.

you shake your head, and throw on another smile though less sincere this time.

"no need to be," you tell her. "i was just wondering if i go on this date, am i going to have to wear something fancy?"

"nope! but if you want to, you can."

"even if it's not anything demanding like that, i don't even think i have a proper attire for the occasion."

she quirks her lips to the side and hums before it looks like she has already found a solution. it's that knowing look in her eyes you think you're starting to get good at picking up.

"you can borrow some of mine!" she says with some kind of excitement that has her flickering the tip of the brush up that you won't be surprise if you find specks of yellow on the wall.

but at her comment, you have to really take in her build and stature, eyeing her up and down. you're not sure if that's going to be possible given she's at least an entire size smaller than you.

"i'll have to think about it," you tell her with a nervous smile.

she lowly breathes out a sigh of defeat.

"okay fine, that works, too. it won't be for another week, so take the time to charge and then let me know."

you'll admit it doesn't sound too bad after some careful considerations. you need all the distractions you can get and this just might be perfect.

you'll be too busy thinking about this 'date' and getting the perfect hair and outfit and how to make a good first impression that san won't even cross your mind at all.

won't even think of what he's doing or why he didn't tell you sooner--what the relationship between you two really is, and why he dragged it out for this long.

yeosang talks to you again and he's going on about setting up a place and time to meet since the second exam is around the corner. and you're thinking it can't be more perfect.

you will have the stress of exams and your professors weighing you down, you won't even have the time to dwell on san even for a bit.

you accept every invitation from mingi and yunho to hang out, whether at the arcade across the street, the rundown movie theater in the shady parts of town, or mingi's and wooyoung's dorm.

you'll also act like the thoughts of wooyoung, being in the proximity of his belongings when in their room doesn't remind you of a friend of his.

but when the night falls and you close your eyes, junseo's words will ring in your head, and despite also hearing your friends' protests in the background where they already debunked everything he had to say about you, you can't help but to think it holds some truth.

that there is definitely something wrong with you and no one would ever take you seriously. your friends told you he's wrong, and you want to believe he is. but even san doesn't want you like that.

no amount of arcade games, dressups, or endless brainrot studying can cure your insecurities and the need to seek out something new but familiar to fill in the void.

because you do want to be loved. not out of pity or out of concerns for your well being in the friendly nature mingi, yunho, and everyone else around you is guilty of. but something more than that.

when your lips call for a kiss, when your ears yearn for whispered sweet words even if they're web of lies, and when the ache between your legs cannot be easily solved with your unskilled fingers, you find yourself at san's doorstep.

because though he may not want you like that, he doesn't treat you like complete shit. he's nice enough and even pretends to care at times.

after all, he did helped you find a job and if it wasn't for him, you would've gotten trampled at the first ever party attended.

the crisped weather has dwindled and the waves of heat are starting to pick up as the month of may settles in, the warmth pricking your skin when standing in front of san's door at eleven in the night time.

when he finally opens, it's how you immediately relax at the sight, him just standing in a t-shirt and shorts, hair damped and a couple strands falling over his eyes.

it's pathetic how safe and homey he makes you feel; how your stomach relieves at just seeing him again.

he looks surprised to see you, of course he is. who else would be knocking on his door this late? maybe only a girl so deprived of love, she will take even the crumbs he give her.

"hey?" he utters, uncertainty in his delivery with one hand still gripping on the handle. but his voice. it's so soft and you haven't heard it in so long.

"m-may i come in?" you ask, for a moment about to draw back and wonder if you're coming off too desperate. but you came crawling all the way to him at this time, so in probability, it can't get much worse.

he nods and lets you in, your eyes wandering the interior that's also familiar.

and san could act like he cares about the proper etiquette of welcoming a guest (in your case an affiliate turned stranger); maybe even get them a glass of water or usher that they can sit anywhere they like, but he isn't one to beat around the bush, especially not on this subject... well, or at least after he's made it clear what the deal between them really is.

"i'm guessing you finally made a choice?" he speaks from behind, slamming the door shut. and judging by your arrival, that can only mean the one choice you decided on.

you turn to him, a shy color on your expression that he won't admit he misses a little as well.

"when you said friends," you mumble, feet naturally striving toward him as if he's a gravitational pull. "d-did you mean we can still..." your mouth tightens itself, unable to deliver the word feeling a blush creep to your cheeks.

you already fucked him so why the hell are you still acting like a damn prude.

a melodic giggle leaves him, him taking steps to close the remaining space until he's so close, you can hear his heartbeats.

fortunately, he knows you... a little too much for your own good.

"yes," he continues where you left off, lips drawing into a smile that brings out those dimples you like so much. you missed them, too.

"whenever you need me, beautiful," he whispers, one hand caressing the side of your face as he strokes with gentle brushes. "i'll be there, to take care of your needs and to make you feel good."

but that's it. that's as much as he can do for you.

"are you fine with that?" he awaits your answer, eyes boring into yours and there's something so scary about the way you're looking at him; something so unsettling about there being no signs of hatred or anger which he might have preferred to being stared at as if he's the most illuminating thing you've ever laid your eyes on.

you nod, a building sensation creeping up that tells you're going to regret it, but you want san. you want him so bad.

so so bad that when he finally kisses you again, you'll act like there's a genuine motive behind how his flesh moves against yours, and when he throws you on the bed, inching to your ear to whisper those sweet words you want to hear, you'll act like it's not a complete lie; that he's not just saying them in the heat of the moment.

when he slides inside of you, you'll pretend it's not just pure, filthy fucking. nothing to dissect behind his movements or the way he's hitting that spot so perfectly.

you close your eyes to indulge in the feeling, and in his temporary words and actions that indicates you guys are something.

after you both cum and he's still laying on top of you trying to catch his breath, he lifts himself slightly to take in your features, suddenly bringing one thumb over to your lips.

"we can stay like this, right? just like this, me and you."

you'll also act like his words doesn't stand as a reminder of reality; of what this between you and him really is.

but when you get out of bed to look for the rest of your clothes, everything starts sinking in like a gnawing pain that runs through your entire body. regrets, sorrow, misery--you don't know which is winning right now.

san doesn't get to tell you to leave, because you're the one who offers. he'll pretend to be taken aback like you don't have to go right now, but you know he's relieved he doesn't have to be the one to say it.

when you get back to the dorm, you feel like absolute shit; like a shadow of the person you barely were, but still, you know that in a couple of days or maybe even sooner, you will go back to him.

and you will wallow in his web of lies and false affirmations just to feel wanted for that very brief moment, only to wind up in the same position you're currently in. you will.

next // series m.list

taglist: @sorryimananti-romantic @revehosh @cookiechristie @avantalem @atiny68 @belletiny @shibera @mochibabycakes @justineasian @eastleighsblog @baguette-atiny @crimson-mia @yeosxxx @m4rsluv @sleepychimm @atz-diary @diorwoo @naiify @becauseiloveyunho @damagelove @softie00 @s-nsanshine @atinytinaa @moonseonghwa @lemontreefantasy @wooyoung4eva @yeosangsbiceps @likexaxdaydream @knucklesdeepmingi

#ateez angst #san x reader #choi san angst #choi san x reader #ateez series #san smut #san angst #fic: broken

[elekinetic]

user elekinetic do you have any tips to spare for outlining fics 😭 i feel like I word vomit any of the concept that I have in my head, and dialogue ,and build off that adding paragraphs as I go and I go so slow bc of it. But ive been trying hard lately to write a list of “scenes” and bullet point the story but yeah.

do you know anything that could help me have an idea of where to go start to finish instead of starting at the random spot I’ve come up with first? I waste so much writing time because I haven’t built a backstory for characters and things like that so i don’t always know how they start the story off, only the situation they’re in. Is that something that could help? Making a list for each character or something? Would love to hear your thoughts thank you! <3

hi! first of all i’m so flattered you asked! to be clear, i am a very slow writer too lmao and i’m relatively new to prose writing, and though in very confident in my understanding of what makes a good story (W screenwriting), i am still figuring out my outlining process. but hey! let’s learn together.

sorry in advance for how long this is. i love talking.

so i basically figure everything out in the outline and write after i feel very good about it. if you have a strong foundation, everything gets a hell of a lot easier. t kind of sounds like your process might be similar to mine, so i’m just gonna explain what i'm doing for my current project.

my key document is my “bible.” i split it up into a couple different sections using page breaks (page breaks my best friend ily page breaks):

pitch/word vomit summary

scene ideas

outline

notes

ok so wtf does that mean.

1. pitch/word vomit summary — explain your concept. bc i've got a film/tv background, im starting off with my logline. (e.g. "after robin learns will is gay, they have a heart to heart in an abandoned video store about insecurity and feeling alone. they learn they're not." sometimes i'll follow that up with a note to myself like, "this fic isn't robin finding out, this is what happens after. starts with her already knowing. will pov, focus on his perception of robin changing. subtly reference toward feelings about mike, dont come out (haha) and say it") then, i write as MUCH of the concept down as i can, like i'm explaining it to a friend. (sometimes i copy and paste rants from dms directly into the document). it can be totally out of order, non-sensical, contradictory. just get as many of your ideas down as possible. you want to be able to come back to this and be like, oh i totally forgot about that. vague chapter summaries, personal notes about themes, whatever you want. i have a list of beats that you find in romantic dramas for inspiration and a paragraph abt ways i want to parallel/subvert s3 of st. just. go ham. 2. scene ideas — this is pretty self explanatory. i take some of the stuff i have in the p/s and flesh it out, or put down new ideas. this is where i'm writing out dialogue in bullet points, or what i want them to be Really Saying. (e.g. "mike: [panics bc he feels seen, tries to flip it back on (redacted) and fails] ") this is for when i can see stuff more clearly or i get out of the shower with a whole exchange in my head. gonna be out of order, a little all over the place. 3. outline — so. this is where you start piecing it together. put the bullet points in order. figure out objective of each scene and what needs to happen to accomplish that goal. figure out pacing, what needs to happen when. this step is where im looking at dialogue and thinking "why does mike say that? why does he feel that way? what needs to happen to get him to this point emotionally?" or looking at scenes and thinking "these are two scenes with people arguing back to back. lets make sure they feel different and give the characters different tactics to get what they want (byler argument where mike is avoiding will vs max argument where max is avoiding lucas. i could use this to highlight similarities and differences in the relationships, but having two scenes with the same tactics back to back might feel repetitive. maybe i move the scenes farther apart or change circumstances. maybe mike and will are having a veiled argument while theyre with a group of friends in a public space and max and lucas' argument is outside max's house.) also asking if conflicts are resolved too quickly, if the miscommunications feel too convenient, if characters disappear or are only around as plot devices. write. troubleshoot. repeat. 4. random notes — everything else that doesnt fit. for me this is literally just taylor swift lyrics (writing the fic vaguely off of a Specific Song that SHOULD BE STREAMED MORE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE anyway) and links to posts i use as character reference to make sure im staying true to the characters. (remembering will said "i was being a total jerk to el, i deserved it," AND "you're ruining everything, and for what!"/"i wasn't moping!")

i want it to be clear im doing all of this at the same time. im jumping around and pulling new ideas and rearranging as stuff changes. i think the thing that's really hard is that i want to be able to sit down, write the outline, and then move on. but for us scatterbrained writers, you're gonna have to re-outline and readjust like. a thousand times. and that's okay. that's good! it feels tedious as hell but the story is so much better for it.

take your time. let yourself be slow. keep finding holes in your story and fill the world in as you fix them.

here are some more questions i ask myself to make the story better:

What are you trying to accomplish over the course of the story? What is it about? (for the will&robin fic, it was something about feeling seen for the first time.) When you get lost in your story or aren't sure why a scene feels stale, come back to this. is the scene furthering that goal?

What is changing internally for each of your main characters? (yes theyre dating by the end but like. what do they learn.)

Are the side characters people or props? (will pov scene of a party-wide picnic where everyone's talking but will is focused on mike's hands.... where is max's head at in the scene? you don't have to have a super long backstory and she doesn't have to be a big part of the plot, but if she's saying something, figure out why she's saying it. if will is having a heart to heart with el, understand why el is responding the way she is. the scene's goal may be to get will through a breakthrough, but el's circumstances will change in the scene too. figure out how this conversation lands with her. oh, and remember the adults are people too!)

Why is this character saying this/why are they responding this way? (this should answer your "where do i start?" question. start in that random spot and figure out A) why they are there and B) why they are reacting the way they do (see last bullet point).

side note: some of the best advice i ever got was "enter the scene late, exit early." skip the prologue. try starting from that random spot. if it feels like something's missing, figure out exactly what that something is, and go from there

Do the stakes feel high enough?

What do i need to set up to make sure this scene/beat is satisfying as possible? (are will and mike going to have a big argument? oh, so we have to show tension before.... BAM you have another scene to write and your outline is fuller)

i could go on a lot longer but. basically.

i edit while i write. i'm someone who needs a very fucking strong outline and a very fucking clear idea of the story before i can start writing it. i'm putting probably 70-80% of the leg work in at the start so i can focus on making the prose (or script, most of the time) the best it can be.

THAT BEING SAID, this is just the way i do it and i have like. a fic and a half published. im taking my sweet time bc im creatively burned out and this is for fun first and foremost. like i said. i am a Very Slow Writer.

i highly, highly recommend hitting up the ask boxes of writers like @/strangeswift, @/wiseatom, @/astrobei, or @/andiwriteordie. no guarantees on responses bc they are busy ppl with busy lives but i really do think theyre some of the best writers out here right now, and im not just saying that bc they're my friends. abby (strangeswift) and i have been each other's sounding board through a lot of projects and she's almost done with one of her first Big Fics, so its worth asking her about that.

i hope this helps! ah!!

#seriously THANK YOU SO MUCH for asking i feel underqualified but i love talking about writing and writing processes #jesus christ this is 1.4k words #also if anyone seeing this is interested in having a beta reader for story notes hmu lol #outlining

[stumacherstan]

Book!Carrie with a gn!reader please? The premise is that Carrie is feeling self conscious about her weight, sweat, stench, acne, body in general, and the reader helps her feel good about it

a/n: IM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH!!! I FUCKING LOVE BOOK CARRIE <333 also for this to be possible carrie is alive. everyone survived the massacre as a technicality malfunction and whatnot. or set in an AU where her mother isn’t her over religiousmother,,, but whatever !

book!Carrie White x gn!Reader

Carrie shifted her legs as she looked at her hopeful partner. Unsure of what to say about a sleepover. Doesn’t that lead to things? Partners shouldn’t sleepover without being married. Even then, if it leads to that. How embarrassing. She’s not even,,

“Hey, earth to Carrie!”

Carrie blinked like a doe caught in lights and sheepishly mumbled a sorry. Her little chubby fingers toying with her mousy greasy blonde hair. Making her feel yet again, disgusting and unworthy.

“You’re leaving me again. Do you not want to spend the night? We won’t do anything you don’t want to do! We’ll watch movies and we’ll play some stupid games. Whatever you wanna do. You don’t even have to spend the night at all. We can bake and eat our hearts out and…” As you babbled on about things to do with her. She felt horrible guilt. She should say something.

“(Y/N)!” Her weak nervous voice shut you up and your focus was on her once again. “I-i’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t want to! It’s just,” Carrie trailed off. She didn’t know what to say. Isn’t this something that happens to pretty girls? She didn’t actually take you serious when you asked her out.

Carrie wasn’t expecting a sweet gentle being that played with her gross hair during classes together. She wasn’t expecting sweet little notes in her lockers. She gets mean things and everyone’s so mean to her! Except for you.

You waited patiently for a reply. She was stuck in her train of thoughts again. You were use to this. Carrie was a pretty insecure girl. You could tell, everyone could. You thought she was pretty. She makes herself try to seek small and you want to make her feel comfortable in her skin. She was very much beautiful to you.

“It’s just that I’m me? What if people find out and start bullying you too?” Carrie finally spoke out, looking at you with nerves and fear in her eyes.

“So?” You rolled your eyes. “i don’t care about them. You do, and that’s okay. One day you won’t. But today and every other day, just like yesterday, I don’t care about them.” You took her hands in yours and smiled, “Like I said, you don’t have to spend the night.”

“Okay. I’ll come over tonight.”

Around 6:30 PM (how to do timeskips?):

Your parent was waiting at the door with you. “Go away.”

“No.”

“You’re going to embarrass me.”

“I want to meet her!”

“You’re going to make her nervous!”

knock….

You waited three seconds before opening the door to not make it seem desperate. “Hey gorgeous,” a cheesy smile on your face before your eyes widened. “Uh my (whatever legal guardian you got) is here. They just want to meet you.”

You took her hand in yours, they were a little sweaty, and walked her inside. You knew it was just nerves since she was shaking a little.

“This is Carrie, don’t be weird.”

“I can’t believe I raised you. Anyway! Nice to meet youuu Carrieee, any snacks you want are yours. Drinks are in the fridge as always. If you need anything or a ride a home, just yell for me.” Your parent turned to you. “See. I wasn’t weird.” They walked off.

You sighed deeply and walked Carrie to your room. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad they liked me.”

“They’re just happy I have somebody who likes me.”

There was an awkward pause.

“Or maybe I’m moving too fast?”

“No! I do like you. I just don’t know why you like me? I’m not all that pretty.”

“Carrie! You are absolutely beautiful to me.” You looked at her and smiled.

Carrie had tried in the two hours she was given before she came over. She used the fancy hair products she wasn’t allowed to use for once since everything. Carrie made sure to try and smell clean as well and uses scented lotion. Wasn’t this a special occasion?

A night with her partner that’s possibly leading to a sleepover. She didn’t remember trying this hard since The Prom. She didn’t take the date seriously but still went and was horrified to see you. Carrie felt a like a messy pig that was also a sinner all at once.

Tonight she wouldn’t disappoint and tried her best. She couldn’t get rid of want she wanted to. Which is everything. Carrie knew that she could just try. To see you smile at her so adoringly, she felt like she succeeded.

“I think I will spend the night.” Carrie smiled shyly. “I feel very safe here.”

“Wonderful!” You kissed her hand as you guys sat down on bed to watch whatever movies you guys wanted to.

#i ended the ending a little weirdly #BUT I LOVE CARRIE #SHES THE LOML #my lil sweet baby girl #carrie #carrie white #carrie 1976 #carrie stephen king #carrie white x reader #slashers x reader #drabble #?

[dolli-is-me]

hey dolli i have never come on here before but I just want to let go of some pent up feelings I’ve been surprising for about a month now. I’m feeling very insecure about entering the void. I feel this method is something that’s better for me because it is just like sleeping but also I can wake up with my desires instantly. Before I was confident about entering because I entered before even twice but ever since I haven’t been able to enter. I’ve been reading success stories to keep me moto busted but I stopped because it made me feel useless and like a failure💀 because if they can do it why can’t I? No but seriously I’m confused why I can’t enter or wake up in it anymore. I’ve been persisting in affirming and listening to tapes but today I just feel like an idiot. The closest I’ve been to entering was the night before yesterday which was the 6 dec and I could feel myself being lifted up but then I went back down again. I tried again but then I went back down again even though I decided to focus on my affirmations. I can’t help but feel I’m not meant to have my desires and I’m just supposed to stay here and deal with it. I’m sorry I just wanted to vent because I feel so defeated today.

HELLO THERE LOVE 💗

it's completely alright to let your feelings out, I definitely understand how you feel

The fact you mentioned you feel like you could "enter" before but can't do it now?

Sometimes, overconsumption can affect us hard, when you take took much information about it, the more you do, the more you make it sound complicated for you

just imagine! It's simply nothing, nothing special at all, it's a state where you just feel floaty, which we always get in it every night!

AND IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU THAT YOU COULD FEEL INTENSE SYMPTOMS

Believe me, I'm not saying this only to cheer you up, I'm actually being serious, you're literally so so close, but the only obstacles holding you back is insecurities

Which is completely fine, honestly I might suggest you staying away from them Tumblr for a short while if you could? Don't read anything about it too much, but also don't force yourself NOT to think about it too much

Simply act like it's something that's always with you, it's nothing special as it is, putting it on a pedestal is something hard for you

And yes you're absolutely right, if others can then why not you? Because you can, you most definitely can, in fact, these success stories are those same individual who had the exact same feelings and phase as yours

They felt useless on the fact that they can't enter, when now you're reading their success stories? You can see most of them say: ("I swear it's so easy, I don't know how I made it so complicated! - I can't believe I could tap in any night and I made it so complicated for myself - I thought it was fake because of how I couldn't enter but I did!")

You see? This feeling you are having is nothing more than a mere obstacle, because I swear you're literally so close, THE FACT IS, ITS LIKE A SWITCH, ON AND OFF

all you need to do is to simply toggle it

anyways! I suggest you stay away from Tumblr or any social media for a bit and recharge yourself and your confidence, even though it's not necessary but I highly suggest it, to help your confidence sky rocket

In these days of no Tumblr and overconsumption, work on you and yourself, rant about how everything comes in your favor, tell yourself on and on how you love yourself and all the work you did, tell yourself you're going to make it and you trust yourself to make it, in short, love yourself

Find happiness in even smallest things, whenever you get reminded that "you can't enter" laugh about this thought, genuinely think it's nothing more than a intrusive thought, gently push it away, because it's simply not true

In short, detox yourself and your subconscious, do anything you like to detox yourself, simply charge yourself, listen to a subliminal if you want to! Suggesting a self concept one

I swear once you work on your self concept, everything will follow easily, and honestly self concept is so much fun to take the stress away! It's simply loving yourself and telling yourself everything is to your favor because you love yourself

Believe me love, you're not useless, at least everyone had this feeling when trying to enter, you're not a failure in it, because it's simply in every human, accessing it is like nothing more special that it seems, why do you think I say the void isn't special? Because you are special, being blessed by the knowledge of the void, you can most definitely do it, love, take a small break and love yourself, don't be too harsh on yourself 💗

#dolli memories posts! #void state #void #manifesting #subconciousmind #void challenge #subliminals #manifesation #law of assumption

[creativebrainrot]

Open Journal Entry - New Years (2023)

okay so i canNOT be coherent but fuck theres a lot on my mind right now.

this year was the worst fucking year of my life- it's atLEAST in the top 3.

We faced near-homelessness, awful food insecurity, the death of two beloved pets, the death of our abuser, of 20+ years, after he had only been out of our lives for two/three years at that point, and he did it to himself.

Our car broke down, our debt got worse, our abuser's family tried to take out home from us, they were such cunts. We had been trying to sell our house all year, we didn't succeed until a month ago.

I lost my first ever cat and it still hurts that she might be here right now if we had only had more money saved. She had a great life but I wasn't ready to let go of her, and I don't think losing BK will ever stop hurting. I miss her sweet little face so much. I miss her sweet little chirps and her silliness and just her presence so fucking much. it's agonizing. I miss her.

This year was one in four awful fucking years.

I don't know if 2023 was worse than 2022 for me. They feel like the same year. It was fucking awful.

But.

Last december, I forced myself to reach out. I made myself make a little "hey does this fandom have any guilds or discord servers for/by gw2blr?" post before I went to sleep for the night. I made myself reach out right before I had to sleep so that I couldn't panic and take it back.

It was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. I made my first ever friends from that decision. In fact the person (hi silv ily silv (/platonic)) who invited me to the gw2 server I hold so dear (hi slei ily slei and stuu ily stu /platonic kissy ur forehead) Is one of my closest friends now.

I have, a lot of issues. with trust and self-love and self-worth and I still struggle so much with thinking im not good enough and that everyone will find someone better etc etc I've made insanely good progress AND i have never before had people in my life that I feel like I know I can trust with myself. i am staring directly at my good friends Silvesi and Wynn/Straywyvern. shoutout to you to Specifically.

AND

im throwing affection directly at all of my friends. sorry im just like this not sorry receive affection for the new year CUNTS-

I absolutely love talking with Silv & Wynn & Del, you motherfuckers understand me on a very specific and unique autistic level ily and i love talking to you and infodumping to you and shitposting with you etc etc we need to be more insane with eachother more often beloved friends etc etc my besties <3

I've met so many people who while im not as close with them I love and am so fucking happy i met them and got to be friends with them regardless. lieflet, stu, slei, mabi, dot, lynx, fox oh my god theres so many of you.

youre so creative, kind, fun, chill, I feel safe with you and I love being stupid with you and im so glad I met the lot of you.

I've met so many fucking artists I admire so much through slei's gw2 server and that server is so relaxed and fun and chill I miss being able to hang out with you all in game. "your idols are your peers" lives in my head rent free as quote because its so true and I love. I Love.

im rlly hoping this next year my dad and I can fucking relax. for TWO minutes. oh my god.

I miss being able to relac. I miss feeling safe. I miss, so much. But not the last four years, and not that shit house I grew up in.

What I look forward to is pestering my besties more and more as I become more and more confident in myself and what others seem to see in me. I can't see it, but I'm gonna try and trust the words you say to me more and more.

Even if I end up being right, my worst fears come true, eventually. I'm gonna put in the effort like this is "forever" because we deserve to try the best for ourselves Right Now.

here's to the new year At The Very Least not getting WORSE.

#creativelyrottedmind #rotthoughts #theres some negative stuff in here and heavier mentions #pet death #abuse #theres so much on my mind and i cant wait for january because it can all reset for a second

[problemnyatic]

How do you find worth in yourself? I try to tell myself im worth it but it still feels like im being ripped in half when someone ignores me.

i was very tired when I got this ask, so I decided to sleep on it; this is a big question, after all. The truth is, there is no simple answer to this question. The reason you lack it is a complex interweaving of trauma that I can't unpack for you over the internet so anonymously, and you'd be better served by a theraist in that regard. Nevertheless, i have some pointers.

There are two major prongs you gotta work on. Forcing yourself to change your assumptions of others' intentions, and forcing yourself to be patient with and kind to yourself in your own head no matter what.

A lot of people don't realize just how much they inadvertantly project their insecurities onto others. This isn't to point blame- it's simply a side effect of trauma. You have been hurt the same way, over and over again, for so long that your brain and body flinch at the things that would come before, as though they're the wind-up to getting hurt, and then those things feel the same as getting hurt that way, even if the blow never actually comes.

Of course, some people are still inconsiderate, or cruel, but when something feels like a signal that someone has decided to be hurtful, try to slow down and ask, "are there other reasons this could be happening? Am I being ignored on purpose? Or are they just away from their phone right now?" The objective here is to try and train your brain out of essentially creating false-positive signals of "I'm being hurt on purpose right now." Trauma can be a vicious cycle where triggers reinforce themselves, because even if the triggering thing is not itself abuse, being triggered is traumatic enough to reinforce your brain's sense of "this is traumatic and dangerous to us."

I must note- this is not to say it's your own fault. Your trauma is a horrible thing that was unjustly inflicted upon you by the cruel and/or careless, and you do not deserve even a moment of the pain it causes you. It is, though, unfortunately and unfairly, it is our own responsibility to handle our traumas as best we can. So see this not as a Job you can Fail, but as a journey, something you'll struggle with, but get better with time and practice.

The same holds true for the second prong - kindness to yourself. It's not about what you deserve, it's about what you need. Gentleness and grace are not rewards for being worthy, but the signals you can use to show your brain that you already are.

This one is hard. This one is really hard. And that's okay. I myself am working on it with mixed, but slowly improving, success. Forgive yourself for your maladaptive thoughts, forgive yourself for your self-sabotaging habits. When your internal monologue screams at you and you notice, shame is not the answer, but forgiveness. Ask patiently to reword that thought kindly, let yourself try again.

I promise you, it works, given time. It never feels like anything's changing, but slowly, imperceptibly, it does. You'll feel more deserving of it, given enough tries. It'll feel easier, make more sense to forgive yourself and retry with kindness. Let yourself ask others for clarification, and seek out trading "sorry I'm like this" for "thank you for understanding".

If there's any one thing I can ask you internalize, it's this:

You never need to apologize for existing as yourself. You never need to apologize for your pain.

Your friends care about you. If they're any good, they understand that your trauma is a reflection of the cruelty of others, not a moral failing on your part to simply Be Strong Enough.

Your trauma is not a moral failing, okay?

I wish I could give you a better answer, but I hope at least something from this helps you on your path to recovery.

Some days, weeks even, you'll feel like you're slipping back, losing progress. That's okay, that's a part of it, too. You've never truly lost progress, okay? You still have all that practice, the cycles will cycle again and again, but you, too, are learning every time. Forgive yourself, and practice the tools you have been working on.

If it feels like you're punishing yourself for wrongthink, pause, forgive yourself for the error, for hurting yourself, understand that trying means failing before you succeed and that's okay, and try again, but differently. Use the pain not as a punishment, but as a guide. If it hurts because you feel ashamed, ask why. If it hurts because you are terrified, maybe that's because you have trauma that needs to be gently taught that it can be safe to do that, be there, what have you.

Good luck, friend.

#problemnyatic answers #good lord this was riddled with typos. goes to show the folley of answering asks from bed right when I wake up‚ huh.

[evermorethecrow]

FUCK I FORGOT THE QUESTION PART

by forgot i mean i have no idea how to ask questions

UHHHH

tell me ... about it ??? what sort of ada au is it, does he start out in the ada is it a switch with dazai does mori do some fucked up shit so he has to leave?? give me all the details

sorry im terrible at this

How dare you be insecure in the asks I don't bite..

ANYWAY SO

ADA!Chuuya!!!

He leaves the port mafia during to almost after stormbringer and I won't say how or why but I will say Verlaine helps him. NOW joining the ada as an unstable 16 year old nuclear reactor is not the best especially when it's small and very loving and Chuuya's last found families ended terribly. Now chuuya really struggled when he first joined for a bunch of reasons a few being

Fresh out the sheep he fears the ada is using him for attack purposes especially since they don't have any strong combat fighters

fresh out of the port mafia he feels like he can't do good thing

Fresh out the flags he feels like accepting a new family straight away is saying he didn't care about them and he feels like allowing there affection is dishonourable to their memory

Small other point on the flags. Chuuya feels like the flags would have wanted him to stay with the pm and he's putting all they did for him to waste

So chuuya already has a few issues there, now let's add a few more. Chuuya doesn't like Fukuzawa because he feels like Fukuzawa wants him as firepower and he wants chuuya to forget the flags and chuuya doesn't like ranpo because he knows to much about his past and chuuya doesn't like yosano cause he just went through all of those things with Prof. N

Now what does chuuya do about all of this? Act out. He'll be disrespectful to Fukuzawa and yosano and he'll be reckless with himself in missions (keep in mind he's not being reckless with the safety of others in this. Only himself). Chuuya is doing this because of his feelings and because he doesn't believe the agency care for him and he's trying to make them snap- which doesn't work, instead he gets a long talk with ranpo that calms him down somewhat (I forgot to mention entrance exams but chuuya kinda has two- one when he first joins thats easy because ranpo had a plan, and a second actual one which is him accepting the agency). He's not rude to Fukuzawa now just distant but he's avoiding yosano like the plague. Chuuya gets injured and tries to hide it, when Fukuzawa finds out he's dragged to the infirmary where he freaks out and breaks some of Yosano's equipment. Yosano is pissed (but not actually) and as punishment she makes him her errand boy for a month and during the whole errand thing chuuya actually befreinds yosano. Now cause this is getting super long I'm gonna shorten the rest. Chuuya becomes Yosano's apprentice and then he ends up working with her in the Ada's medical field this cements the fact he isn't being used as a weapon as he originally agreed because medical work doesn't require tainted as attack, he also does it as a way to make up for all the blood he's shed before. Yosano helped him learn some value in life but his morals are still a bit off. Chuuya's outfits in the ada au also have symbolism I'll bring up another time but that's it for now!!

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs manga #chuuya #nakahara chuuya #chuuyabsd #chuuya au #evermore answers

[pompadourpink]

Hi mom! I need some advice ! I trust your opinion , im so sorry that this will be a long one ! Im starting my freshmen year at college this fall, after a prep year. I want to open an instagram account , i like taking pictures and i want to keep up with my friends from prep year. The thing is i am a socially anxious person. And when i was in middle school i was made fun of because i had so little followers ( like 25 smthing) and i got sad and closed my account. I was 12 when that happened, i was also being bullied in many other ways. So i am afraid now that people will mock me for not having many followers and they will think im unsociable or uncool or something like that. The thing is i also think instagram is a fake place, but many school clubs announce things there and in college you just want to fit in. Also i was the nerd all my school life, i got no attention from boys whatsoever. I got really insecure, all the people that saw me this year tell me that i have changed so much, now i get compliments about my looks but i still feel unconfident. When it comes to interacting with boys all my friends tell me im too unapproachable. Maybe an ig account will help that? honestly idk. and i know that im overthinking this issue but that’s me unfortunately 😭

part 1

part 2

actually i hate ig flirting? like what does liking a story even mean i hate that kind of stuff. But appearently my generation dont know how to make a move in real life because all the relationships i know of starts online. I cant complain because i could have made a move? but i didnt because im anxious and sometimes insecure because of all the bullying i got in middle school. They made fun of me in unimaginably cruel ways , it still has affects on me years later. I am so desperate for male attention, like i was wearing a tshirt that was slightly wide in the collar and a classmate checked me out , i got really happy! How silly is that! Because i was told that thet were disgusted to even look at me before and they dont consider me as a woman !

Now i go to the best college in the country, i changed a lot physically ( that doesnt matter, i could stay ugly and they had no right) and they are still horrible human beings. Sorry to burden you with all these stuff, it took another turn .

Since i got shit treatment for being ugly earlier in my life, i guess i need validation, posting pretty pictures and being hit on by boys and it sounds silly to me but it is like that.

What do you think about this issue? I know that it’s a bit all over the place , sorry about that! Lots of love ❤️❤️❤️

*

Hello dear,

There is a lot to unpack here so Dr Talks too much is back in office.

Of course, you should get IG if you feel like it. You were 12 a long time ago, those people are probably not in your life anymore (and if they are, they should get fired, no one will arrest you for not talking to people). I also have a ridiculous number of followers and I don't even think about it (at least they actually care when I post), that is not what we are here for, numbers mean nothing and anyone who tries to tell you anything different doesn't deserve a place in your life.

You are at an age where this type of desire makes sense. If you want a collage of the things you love to make yourself feel happy and discover yourself, do it. And yes, if people find your account and like it, you could make some friends. And if they don't and mock you, you know who to avoid.

The rant about loneliness is worrying me greatly. If I could go back and talk to my 18-year-old self, I would tell her to drop the boy-obsessed attitude. The truth is that being desperate is a bad look, but also a very obvious one. You can get groomed easily because what you want is flagrant and any guy at least a little bit charming will drive you insane by just maintaining eye contact and smiling. And if a man can be super lazy and still get you, he will do exactly that and play with you until he's bored and dumps you without a care in the world. That is not a compliment. There are too many stories of women who put men first and got fucked over for people your age to try it and think it will go differently. Make yourself the main character of your life instead of forcing yourself to live in the shadow of people who don't even seem to like you.

Now, some homework:

Watch this. Excellent advice from a 20-year-old lady making the best out of loneliness instead of letting it destroy her.

And this. What happens when girls are boy-obsessed. If you have time, watch the show. The entire world agrees that Carrie is the worst character of the series because she's a shit friend, doesn't learn from her mistakes, and can't be trusted.

And finally, worry about yourself. There are billions of men on Earth and many will find you attractive. You have a long life ahead of you. A nice body is not enough to keep a guy and even models get cheated on. Don't date someone because he liked your cleavage. Having low confidence is a curse because it turns you into a people pleaser, and that just makes you a liar and an easy victim. People can't know you if there's no one to know. A great personality is what makes people stick. Listen to yourself, try fun things, find a therapist, and get a couple of hobbies. Get yourself some girlfriends and do things with them, strengthen your circle, make yourself a person worthy of being befriended or dated, and one day someone will say oh, there's that guy I used to know in high school, I think you would really like him. Don't force it. Don't chase. Only accept someone who is truly happy to be around you, or sentence yourself to have to heal from relationships forever.

Love,

Mum

#ask #malks