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techs-feral-wife · 1 year

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mirshebs-meshla presents:

Scenes From The Havoc Marauder 1

The Bad Batch Plays Resident Evil 4

Summary: Everyone's favorite defective clones get their hands on a new game. Chaos ensues. [Canon Divergent (obviously)]

Content Warning: Mild descriptions of violence/gore(?). Mention of weapons (?). Brotherly bickering and light bullying.

A/N: This is just a funky lil idea I had while playing Resident Evil 4 and I thought we could all use some lighthearted fun. Pretty much spoiler free for those of you who have not played the game. Is it crack? maybe a little bit, but this idea has been haunting me for days. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I hope it makes y'all smile. Tags: @techtalksfics

The Havoc Marauder was docked in a sleepy spaceport on an equally sleepy outer rim planet. The sun shone brightly overhead. All was quiet and peaceful. Well, outside of the Marauder at least…

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

“C’mon Tech!” A voice boomed from within the ship’s hold. Wrecker sat square in the middle of a grubby old couch, watching impatiently as Tech fiddled with the device in his hands. “Hurry up will ya? You’ve been at this forever”

“That statement is factually incorrect,” Tech said flatly. “Now, if you would stop complaining and allow me to work I would finish much faster.” Tech moved the analog sticks this way and that, adjusting sliders and calibrating settings until they were what he deemed ‘optimal’.

“Is he still fiddling?” Echo entered the makeshift living room clutching a bowl of what looked to be homemade Mantell Mix if you squint hard enough. He made his way over to the couch, stepping over the rat’s nest of cables that covered the floor of the hold. Their gaming setup was rigged quite precariously. One misstep, one snagged wire, and it would all come crumbling down.

“Optimizing,” Tech said, the slightest hint of annoyance coloring his tone. “and I am almost finished.”

“You said that ten minutes ago,” Wrecker groaned through a mouthful of “Mantell Mix”. He’d shoved his hand into the bowl the second Echo sat down, spilling a considerable amount into his brother’s lap. Wrecker coughed and sputtered, grimacing at the flavors that assaulted his tongue. “Tha’ tastes terrible,”

The glare Echo shot his brother could’ve cut glass.

“Don’t talk with your mouthful,” Was all he said, brows furrowed and arms wrapped protectively around the bowl. This was the last time he’d try doing something nice for Wrecker. He leaned his body hard into the couch’s heavily stained arm when the large clone inevitably went for another handful. “Get your own! And scoot over, will ya? Other people have to sit here too.”

“Careful Wrecker,” A smug voice called from the shadows. “You’ve activated mom mode.”

Crosshair draped himself over the back of the couch, meeting Echo’s glare with a satisfied smirk. The ex-ARC trooper huffed.

“You’re lucky I’m not your mother, you’d all be grounded indefinitely.” Wrecker clapped Echo on the back, spilling even more of the mix onto the floor.

“HA! I’d like to see you try,” Wrecker laughed. Echo’s glare turned into a pout as he hugged the bowl closer to his chest. He opened his mouth to scold Wrecker, but was cut off when Tech cleared his throat.

“If you are quite finished, we are ready to begin.”

“FINALLY”

Tech managed to squeeze in beside Wrecker on the small couch. He was still amazed that they had actually managed to fit this particular piece of furniture in here, though Wrecker always had a knack for cramming useless items into the Marauder. Tech pressed the ‘x’ button on the controller to confirm his newly optimized settings and the game’s title flashed across the holoscreen before them.

Resident Evil 4

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

“Get in here, Hunter! You’re missin’ all the action!” Wrecker called, bouncing with excitement as Tech maneuvered the player character through the twisted ruins of a dilapidated farmhouse.

“I do not believe that this domicile can be deemed liveable,” Tech remarked as he examined what looked to be a simmering pot of rotted offal. Echo scoffed, eyes scanning over the wires, junk, and literally garbage littered about the ship. Don’t even get him started on the smell.

Hunter made his way out from the cockpit just in time to hear Wrecker scream as a hostile took hold of Leon. Unfazed, Tech began rapidly pressing buttons in a sequence that ended with a hunting knife lodged in his assailant’s neck.

Hunter swiped a hand over his face and sighed. He could feel the beginnings of a headache pressing against his skull, but he was determined to spend some quality time with his brothers. This was going to be a long day.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

“We should probably get the scope.” Echo suggests as the brothers bickered over the merchant's wares.

“Don’t waste your money,” Crosshair said through his toothpick. As if to prove a point, he plucked the small sliver of wood and flicked it away. It bounced off two walls and Wreckers forehead before landing in the garbage bin that Echo didn’t even know they had.

“More storage space would be quite useful given that Wrecker insists on picking up every explosive he comes across,” Tech stated, casting a pointed side eye at his largest brother.

“Hey! We need the ammo!” Wrecker defended, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Maybe if you were a better shot,” Crosshair snarked from his perch at the back of the couch.

“I’d like to see you do better” Wrecker was pouting now, craning his neck to glare at Crosshair.

“Hand over the controller then, di’kut,”

“Play nice you two,” Echo warned from beside Wrecker. His bowl of mix had long since been emptied, but he still held it tightly in his lap.

“Yes mom,” Wrecker and Crosshair sang in unison, causing Echo to scowl.

“OOO! We should get the treasure map!” Omega called out excitedly, emerging from her hiding spot beside the couch to try and wrench the controller from Tech’s hands. The goggled clone lifted the controller out of her reach with ease, looking mildly offended at the attempt.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Hunter called out, placing a hand on her shoulder to still her. “You shouldn’t be here. This game is too scary for you.” Dad mode: Activated.

“Aw, but Wrecker said I could,” Omega whined.

“Yeah! S’not tha’ scary.”

“Says the one who's been cowering behind Lula the whole time.”

“You leave Lula outta this!” Wrecker cradled his beloved tooka plushie close to his chest.

“I thought I told you two to play nice.”

“Sorry mom”

“S T O P calling me that!” Echo gave yet another exasperated huff and went back to watching the screen. Tech was silently examining the weapon upgrades, trying to determine which to expend their very limited funds on. “Besides, Hunter’s right, Omega. This game is rated M for Mature.”

“Wrecker should definitely not be here then” Tech remarked, eyes still glued to the screen.

“HEY”

“Please Hunter,” Omega begged, drawing out her vowels as she looked at the ex-sergeant with the biggest puppy dog eyes he’d ever seen. He didn’t stand a chance.

“Fine,” Hunter sighed. Echo rolled his eyes and shook his head. His brother never could say no to Omega.

“Pushover”

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

“Wait, go back!”

“No, not that way!”

“You missed a crate back there!”

“I think I see something on the ceiling!”

“WATCH OUT FOR THAT GUY ON YOUR LEFT!”

The gaming controller was not exactly scomp friendly, so Echo had been forced to take a back seat on this activity.

“It's for the best, '' Crosshair had joked. “I always heard the Regs were terrible shots.”

“You want to test that theory out for yourself” Echo had challenged, chest puffed with pride and shoulders squared. Crosshairs smirk widened, eyebrows quirked with intrigue.

“I’d love to-”

“No!” Hunter barked, and that had been the end of it.

Echo had resolved to make the best of a bad situation. Just because he was in the backseat didn’t mean he couldn’t be useful, right? It had begun innocently enough. He would occasionally call out something his brothers had missed or warn them of a hidden enemy. But as the session dragged on, Echo’s “help” had become marginally less helpful.

“You’re supposed to shoot those ones in the head,” Echo remarked as the ‘You Are Dead’ screen flashed up for what felt like the hundredth time this session. That simple phrase had seemingly been the last straw for Tech.

“Echo, if you do not cease your backseat gaming, I will stun you.” Tech threatened, pressing the continue button with more force than was necessary.

“Just tryna be helpful,” Echo grumbled, slumping back against the couch.

“And while the occasional assistance is appreciated, you do not need to tell me how to play the game. I am well aware,”

“Well maybe if you played better-”

“Do not start with me, Wrecker,”

They carried on in silence for several minutes until the death screen inevitably reappeared before them.

“You didn’t shoot him in the head,”

Hunter wordlessly gripped Tech by the shoulder and shoved him firmly back down on the couch before he could reach for his blaster.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

“I told you we should’ve bought the scope,” Echo tutted as both Tech and Wrecker struggled to take down an enemy manning a turret.

“No need,” Crosshair scoffed as a pair of long spindly legs crested over the back of the couch and shimmied between Wrecker and Tech. “Move over losers, it’s Crosshair’s time to shine,”

Cross took the controller from his brother’s hand. The room went silent as he lined up the shot…

And it erupted in raucous laughter when he promptly missed.

“Nice shot, Cross,” Wrecker cackled, wiping a tear from his eye. Crosshair scowled and Hunter quickly ripped the controller from Crosshair’s hands before he could bludgeon Wrecker with it. The sniper was fuming and resigned himself to sulking in the background for the rest of the evening, all the while muttering about poorly designed game mechanics.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

“Hello, Beautiful,” Wrecker leaned forward towards the holoscreen. A goofy grin spread across his face and his eyes sparkled at the sight before him. Wrecker was so excited that he was practically drooling over the latest addition to the merchant’s stock: a kriffin’ rocket launcher! In Wrecker’s mind, this game just got a thousand times better. “Oh yeah! Now tha’s what I’m talkin’ about!”

“There is no room for that in our inventory,” Tech announced, quickly quelling his brother’s excitement as he resumed scrolling through the merchant’s wares for a more pragmatic purchase.

“I’ll make room,” Wrecker moved to snatch the controller from Tech. The attempt was easily avoided; it had become such a regular occurrence during this session of gaming that Tech had begun to do it on instinct and it was beginning to get on his nerves if he was being completely honest.

“We do not need a rocket launcher. And besides, we can’t afford it.” At 30,000 pesetas, the rocket launcher sat well out of their limited budget, and that was before the upgrades and repairs that needed to be made to their arsenal.

“Sell some of those health sprays then,” Wrecker grumbled, still determined to get that rocket launcher. His habit for making impulse purchases was exactly why he was no longer allowed to hold the controller when they approached the merchant. “Who needs five health sprays anyway?”

“You do,” Tech stated matter-of-factly, adjusting his goggles so that he could better read the item descriptions before continuing. “Seeing as you refuse to take anything less than significant damage whenever you are in control. However I do not understand the logic behind the first aid sprays. Given the type of injuries we sustain simply spraying-”

“I do not!” Wrecker spat, ignoring Tech’s ramblings and cutting him off before he could delve any further into the medical inaccuracies of a fictional world.

“You walked into three consecutive bear traps and a tripwire on your last turn, vod,” Echo recounted. With nothing to do other than spectate, Echo began keeping track of his brothers’ fumblings, but kept them mostly to himself to avoid being stunned.

“‘S’not my fault I couldn't see ‘em’” Wrecker grumbled. “We had to adjust the brightness so someone could see the screen.”

“My eyesight is not to blame for your lack of skill.”

“Why you-”

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

The sun had long since slipped below the horizon, and the night carries on in much the same fashion as the day, both within the Marauder as well as without. The stars shone brilliantly overhead. The night was still, the quiet punctuated only by the bickering and booming laughter that echoed against the durasteel walls from within the modified attack shuttle.

Whenever the boys inevitably ran out of ammunition, they passed the controller to Hunter to melee’d his way through wave after wave of infected hostiles almost entirely unscathed. He managed to defeat one of the bosses armed with nothing but a hunting knife and a single green herb (Wrecker had depleted their stock of health items in record time).

“You brought a gun to a knife fight, osi’kovid,” Hunter muttered as he slashed wildly at a rather large man with a gatling gun. “Ne shab’rud’ni!”

Echo tried to cover Omega’s ears, silently cursing the fact that he only had one good hand. His Mom Mode had been thrown into overdrive.

“LANGUAGE!”

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The crew of the havoc marauder had no idea how much time had passed since they’d begun, too engrossed in the game to get up for anything more than a quick trip to the ‘fresher.

The session however came to a very abrupt end when Hunter had finally grown so fed up with all his brothers’ bickering and threatened to fully unplug the console from the power source. Gonky honked nervously at the threat and the group sat in dead silence as Tech quickly made his way to a save point.

#bad batch fanfic #the bad batch #bad batch #tbb #tbb echo #tbb wrecker #tbb tech #tbb hunter #tbb crosshair #tbb omega #star wars tbb #hunter #tech #echo #crosshair #wrecker #omega #max writes things

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mamuzzy · 7 months

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ART & FIC masterlist LEGEND

🍀 - General / Safe for view 💗 - Fluff 💔 - Angst / Hurt, no comfort ❤️‍🩹 - Hurt/comfort ⚣ - Male x Male ⚤ - Male x Female 💋 - Suggestive/nude/sexual themes 🤬 - Swearing ❌ - Not safe for view 💀 - Violence 💌 - Ask/request 💐 - Gift 📝- Snippet included

「 ✦ Republic Commando ✦ 」

Kal Skirata and his 106 children [ART] | Kal Skirata | Sketchbook 🍀

Ordo and Fi [ART] | Ordo Skirata, Fi Skirata | Sketchbook| 🍀

But seriously I have the best moots, I'm gonna cry [ART] | Ordo Skirata | Sketchbook | 🍀💌

I don’t deserve you - Ordo x Maze [COMIC] |Ordo Skirata, Alpha-26 Maze | Ship prompt | Cloneship | 🍀❤️‍🩹⚣

Dynamic of Ordo and Maze [Snippet] | Ordo Skirata, Alpha-26 Maze | Cloneship | 🍀📝⚣ 💋Maze miserably fails at flirting.

Cunty Kama [ART] | Fi Skirata | Reaction to post | 🍀

Erotic Dice Game with the Di’kutla couple - Ordo x Maze [ART] | Ordo Skirata, Alpha-26 Maze | Cloneship | 🍀⚣💋they are playing an erotic dice game but kind of cockblocked by the game itself 「 ✦ The Clone Wars ✦ 」

TCW x Lucky Star [ART] | Commander Fox | Incorrect Quote | 🍀🤬📝

Thoughts about natborn cadets [Photo] |Commander Fox, ARC Trooper Fives | Toy Photo | 🍀📝

「 ✦ The Clone Wars 2003 ✦ 」

General Grievous doodle [ART] |General Grievous| 🍀💌 「 ✦ Jedi Knight ✦ 」 Master Katarn & Master Skywalker [ART] | Kyle Katarn, Luke Skywalker | 🍀 「 ✦ MY SW OCs✦ 」

ARC Trooper Deadshot: He is my babygirl, 501st ARC trooper with amnesia, confident in his abilities but his self-esteem in casual situation is basicly non-existent. Clone Trooper Blaze: Energetic and playful trooper from the Coruscant Guard ready to cause trouble 24/6. Sometimes he sleeps. Clone Trooper Vorn: Trooper with weird humour, "orivod" of Blaze. Hard to get along with. Clone Trooper Bolt: He doesn't speak to me, but he exists. Corrie who loves high places. Clone Trooper Lily: Corriecutie always ready to have the latest gossips of the CG. Headshot: He is a shared OC, CMO of the Coruscant Guard with curiousity for the field of psychology. Clone Trooper Kissar: Proud trooper of the 104th, Fierce and very protective to his brothers. If I choose violence, he is from the first Wolfpack. Headshot [ART] |OC: Headshot, Commander Fox | Sketchbook| 🍀🤬 Deadshot gets the love he deserves [ART] | OC: Deadshot | Sketchbook | 🍀💗 Corries [ART & Lore] | OC: Vorn, OC: Blaze, OC: Bolt | Incorrect Quote | Sketchbook| 🍀 Comfort a character: Deadshot [ART] | OC: Deadshot, ARC Trooper Fives | 🍀💔 Shattered [ART] | OC: Deadshot | Sketchbook| 🍀💔 Fives x Shots [ART] | OC: Deadshot, ARC Trooper Fives | 🍀💗⚣ Cloneship Mlem. [COMIC] | OC: Deadshot, Clone Trooper Hardcase, Clone Trooper Tup, Clone Trooper Dogma | 🍀🤬 Stargazing [ART] | OC: Deadshot | 🍀❤️‍🩹💌 I've got a birthday gift from Corey! [Gift from Corey + Reaction Art] <3 | OC: Deadshot, ARC Trooper Fives, Clone Trooper Tup | 🍀💌💐 I've known this vod’ika for a day and a half… [ART] | OC: Kissar, Corey’s OC: Cariad | 🍀

Blorbo bleebus ft. Deadshot + Aftermath [Comic]|OC: Deadshot, Captain Rex | Blorbo Meme | ⚣cloneship mentioned 💋mentions of blowjob, mentions of fucking… meh, don’t take this seriously, nothing graphical, just written shenanigans all over the page. Blorbo bleebus: The Aftermath part II. ft. Bruiser & Kissar [ART] |OC: Deadshot, OC: Kissar, Other’s OC: Bruiser | ⚣cloneship💋Everyone loves Commander Wolffe Parasite in his own body [ART] 18+ | OC: Deadshot, unknown male character | NSFW ART | Kink: Knife play, Kink: Bondage, Kink: Degrading | Kink: Dirty Talk | Warning: Blood, Warning: Knife cut, Warning: Formication | Everything is consensual | ❌💋📝⚣

Culture shock(ed)trooper [Snippet] |OC: Lily, OC: Blaze, Corrie!Fives | Warning: mentions of drugs | ❌📝

Deadshot has one of those days [ART] |OC: Deadshot, Clone Trooper Tup | Sketchbook |🍀

If you want to write with or draw my OC-s, credit and @ me so I can see what these menaces are up to. :))) This excludes Headshot for the request of @ithillia, thank you for understanding. 「 ✦ Other’s OCs ✦ 」 Mal [ART] | Gift for Corey | Other’s OC | 🍀💐

「 ✦ Touken Ranbu ✦ 」

Kasen is still the sword of elegance [ART] | Kasen Kanesada | Sketchbook 🍀🤬

SLANDER!!! [ART] | Juzumaru Tsunetsugu | Sketchbook | 🍀

Slanderman [ART] | Juzumaru Tsunetsugu | Slenderman parody | 🍀

#will be updated #please send me a dm if something is needed to be tagged

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the-lucky-batch · 2 years

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Cypher, comming Boots: don’t come back to the venator

Boots: why?

Cypher: Sparks is passive-aggressively doing the dishes he asked me to do six hours ago. It isn’t safe here anymore

Creator of Cypher @catboy-tech / @stereotypicalpicnicmat Creator of Boots @lusiawonder Creator of Sparks @cosmicghostie

The rest of the Lucky Batch! @lavenderstaars @lynnpaper @foxlock @maygalodon @oo-hazel-oo @mango-peachjuice @radbatch @letsunity @burnthashbrown27 @generaltano @namesmox @monako-jinn-stories @longearedowlfromouterspace @just-another-dreamerr

#the lucky batch #clone force 37 #fam force 37 #incorrect lucky batch #incorrect lucky batch quotes #incorrect clone wars quotes #incorrect star wars quotes #imagines #roleplay #writers on tumblr #cf37 cypher #cypher #the lucky batch cypher #cf37 boots #boots #the lucky batch boots #cf37 sparks #sparks #the lucky batch sparks

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a-lil-perspective · 3 years

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Wrecker: I eat danger for breakfast.

Tech: You eat Lucky Charms.

Tech: Just the charms.

#Also Tech: I suppose judging by the sugar content you’re right.#lmaooo #I’m thinking about doing this for each member just heads up XD #incorrect quotes #star wars incorrect quotes #star wars #the bad batch #bad batch #clone force 99 #wrecker #clone trooper wrecker #he seems like a lucky charms guy #tech #shitposts #it’s a lil thing

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monako-jinn-stories · 3 years

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A list of alternate names the Lucksters have created for Crosshair now that he’s bald:

Cross @namesmox

Crossbald @burnthashbrown27

Cross[REDACTED] @burnthashbrown27

CrossNair @monako-jinn-stories

Crossburnt @namesmox

CrispCross @monako-jinn-stories

Crossbitch @generaltano

Crossbare @maygalodon

The Lucksters:

@lavenderstaars @lynnpaper @foxlock @maygalodon @oo-hazel-oo @mango-peachjuice @radbatch @letsunity @burnthashbrown27 @generaltano @catboy-tech @cosmicghostie @namesmox @monako-jinn-stories @longearedowlfromouterspace @lusiawonder @just-another-dreamerr

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letsunity · 3 years

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Ryder: Why is helping someone hide a body the standard for true friendship?

Foxy: Look, if you’re in trouble, I’ll lie to the cops for you. I’ll dispose of evidence. Whatever.

Jackal: But please I am begging you, do not make me dig a hole. I lack the physical requirements.

Ryder: Alright, but how do you want to hide this from Pepper? He’s got a sixth sense about you, Foxer.

Foxy: Cookie Dough.

Ryder: What?

Jackal: Give him cookie dough and you’ve got an alibi. As far as Raffle knows, we’re escorting this dipshit to his ship.

Ryder: Noted. Guess we start digging now.

@the-lucky-batch

#incorrect lucky batch quotes #The Lucky Batch #Clone Force 37 #cf37 #Fam Force 37

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spinearlapis · 4 years

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A Few Hundred Years of Reports

so this is. a little random. but i was bored at work today so during lunch break i wrote. a fanfic? based off of a one off line peridot says in when it rains? Oops?

so uh. for anyone interested in peridot angst and half remembered, half assed, barely canon interpretations of events, the fic is under the cut.

Zip. Zip. Tap. … Zip. Zip. Tap. …

Peridot had been reading reports for approximately 24 hours. She had just been deployed onto Earth to prepare herself for her work on the Cluster Project. Several phases of experimentation had occurred throughout the years, and it was Peridot’s job to learn about all of them so she could know what to do and what not to do when beginning the final phase of prototypes. It was all very fascinating to her, and yet…

Zip. Zip. Tap.

She was a little bored. The machinery in the underground room hummed around her, warming the room considerably, noticeable even to a gem. The reports, displayed on a panel upon a protruding device, were important, but the most interesting thing that she ever got to read was whenever one phase of the project ended and was handed off to another set of gems. Often the change in leadership and technique lead to its fair share of glitches and, much to Peridot’s annoyance, improper filing.

Peridot would have wished for something interesting to happen, if she were not totally convinced that she was fine. This was just standard procedure, she was lucky to be a part of this project, what reason could she have to be bored, so on and so forth. Everytime she felt the grip of tedium, she reminded herself that no, she wasn’t bored, she was just focused. That was what was expected of her. She would not fail those expectations. Her fingers twitched. The next report was pulled up.

Report 136744 Log Date xxxxxx Onyx 7FG The 64th batch of artificial fusion prototypes for the cluster project have been gestating for 37 rotations. The 3rd generational experimental scan bots provided by our supervising Agates were deployed to examine their growth patterns. Subjects X8BLZ and S3FDP have exceeded expectations, and at their current rate they are expected to complete their cycle early. Subject D5HEQ has not yet bonded it's gems with the kindergarten fluid. The Howlite suspects fusing the shards of two wildly different gem types in their unformed state has caused this problem, and I agree. If it does not meet the estimated growth level by xxxxxx then we will proceed to terminate it so as not to waste resources. All other prototypes are growing as expected. Report End.

Peridot flicked her eyes up for a moment. From where she was standing, she could see every cluster prototype projected onto the walls of the room. Her eyes scanned through them and, lo and behold, there was merely a crossed out square where D5HEQ would have been. She fluttered one of her magnetic fingers to tap its spot, and text detailing its history popped up. Peridot squinted, and her visor automatically adjusted her vision to zoom into the faraway text on the wall.

A Pearl and a Topaz. Early exit failure. Cause: Incompatible gem types.

Peridot blinked. A Pearl and a Topaz? That was a bizarre choice for a fusion experiment to begin with, but Peridot's mind wandered farther. Why had a Pearl and a Topaz turn to traitors anyway? She knew pondering that question would waste precious time she could spend reading reports, but her curiosity, very briefly, overcame her. Had the Topaz owned the Pearl, and forced her to rebel with her? But why would the Topaz rebel? And a singular Topaz, too, was unusual. Using her finger to scroll further down, more information came up about the two gems.

Green Pearl, 6GP Abandoned her post by her Emerald and shared vulnerable information about the Emerald’s location to the gem rebels. Status: Captured and shattered. Topaz, 2KD Poofed her assigned fusion Topaz and attempted to use her as a bargaining chip for the gem rebellion. Status: Captured and shattered.

Peridot leaned back in surprise. So the Pearl didn’t even belong to the Topaz. The Pearl had just decided to rebel? And the Topaz had just decided to poof her own fusion partner? How could a Pearl even betray the one she was made for? Or a Topaz betray her own gem type? As those thoughts crossed her mind, Peridot shook her head. In truth, that’s what all these traitor gems did. They betrayed the ones they were made for, the Diamonds. They betrayed all of gemkind.

There was no use trying to understand their logic, they were all off colored defectives, anyway. Peridot's hands clenched in her limb enhancers. They refused to conform, so they were of no use. The magnetic fingers immediately zipped back to her hand in response to her clenched fist, surprising her. There was no point in thinking more on it. She looked back down at the panel and continued reading.

Report 136745 Log Date xxxxxxxx Onyx 7FG Subject D5HEQ has been terminated as I instructed. Howlite carried out the failed prototype and disposed of its remains in our ship so it can be harvested and repurposed. Subject X8BLZ is continuing its steady growth pattern, however S3FDP's growth sped up exponentially and it emerged far too early. When we broke open its geode its form had lost control of itself and was shrinking and expanding rapidly. It’s gem rejected the kindergarten fluid, and the fluid started to leak out of its gemstone. I have bubbled it. We do not have the current tools to examine what caused this, at least not without taking away precious time and resources from our main project. I plan to send it back to homeworld for further examination. No other events of note occurred. Report End.

On instinct, Peridot's finger flicked. The screen for S3FDP began to scroll.

A Maxixe and an Aventurine. Early exit failure. Cause: sabotage.

Peridot had only been half paying attention, not wanting to get invested again. But at the word 'sabotage' she perked up. Had something interfered with the experimentation? She looked back down at the report pulled up on her screen. She had to know. She quickly flipped through the following reports, desperate to know what had happened here.

Report 136746. A few of the prototypes were exceeding expectations. A few more were failing. Most were simply meeting.

Report 136747. Some of the exceeding prototypes emerged early and failed. Progress was halted in order to determine the cause and prevent repeats. 3rd generation scan bots were used on exceeding prototypes to determine the problem. Upon a few hours of examination, it was revealed too much kindergarten fluid was used during the gems insertion. A correspondence has begun with the assembly colony responsible for shipping the fluid here.

Report 146748. A reply from the assembly colony. Their measurements were exact. The slow prototypes were scanned. Little to no kindergarten fluid was used during their insertion. The Howlite was reprimanded for failing to properly measure the fluid. The failing gem fusions were shattered.

Report 136750.

Wait. That’s not right. Peridot went back through the files. Why did it skip a report? She bit her lip. She had already wasted so much time. She had to press on. But the missing report could have crucial information she needed to carry out her job correctly. Not to mention explain the so called sabotage. After a few moments of consideration, Peridot extended her pointer finger. The magnetic counterpoint flipped open its top, revealing a plug. Kicking open the side of the panel to reveal the delicate electronics inside, she interfaced with it. She searched through the systems memory, looking for any errors or old deleted files. She couldn’t find any Report 136749, but she found something else.

To my Onyx: I Love You.

Peridot was taken aback. Quickly scanning the file’s properties revealed that it was made around the time the missing report would have been made. The incorrect title was probably what caused it to be filed out of order. The strange, obscenely intimate title. Peridot shivered. The machinery around her hummed. She read the report.

Dear Onyx. By the time you read this I will be long gone. I know this will be hard to understand, but please try. You are the most brave, intelligent, and beautiful gem I’ve ever met. You always went against the grain, in little ways. Turning down higher priority projects just for this one, all because you wanted to? Because you were passionate? Choosing me as your partner, of all gems, all because you like me? You’re unlike any Onyx I’ve ever met. You’re unlike any gem I’ve ever met on Homeworld. But I’ve met plenty of gems like that in the rebellion.

Peridots fingers clenched. She stood up on her toes, enhancing her height as far as she could. She was reading the words of a traitor. An awful, off color traitor. Had anyone else ever read this report? Would she be punished for doing so? Her fingers clenched. She kept reading.

Please, please understand. I know that, even with how unique you are, that you are loyal beyond measure. But you are wasting your life if you keep that loyalty. The Diamonds hold no such loyalty towards us, when we are the reason their beloved empire thrives in the first place. And can you even really call it thriving when it only serves them?

Peridot felt rage build within her. How could a gem write this in earnest, much less actually believe it? The Diamonds are all powerful, all knowing, all giving beings. They are flawless, and the universe is better off because of their influence. Every gem knows this. But not defective gems such as this Howlite, evidently. Peridot shifted her stance even further.

You have to feel it too. You have to see it too. Look at what we’re doing. I knew some of these gems personally. I know it’s hard to believe, but I once considered joining their side. I only stayed out of fear of what would happen to me. And I was right to fear. Look at what we’re doing to the remains of the shattered. Look at what we’re doing to the planet they fought for! If you felt anything for me, or for any of these gems while we were working together, I know you’ll understand. This is wrong. If you leave now, you can catch up to the escape pod I’m taking from the ship. I’ll be waiting for you, and we can leave together. We can be free, be who we are, and we never have to hurt others or be hurt by others ever again. I love you.

Peridot shook. This was disgusting. This was horrific. This was the act of an insane, dangerous gem, clearly just a worthless, defective, off color-

Peridot pushed herself too far. Her limb enhancers slipped, and she crashed onto the ground in a heap of metal and limbs. For a few moments, she did not move. The hard floor and shock from falling drained the energy and anger from her. Her chin tilted upwards, trying to see the panel from her position. It was too high up now, or rather, she was too low. Immediately her emotions flared up again and she scrambled to her feet. She reached for the panel, only to realize one hand came up...short.

She flexed her fingers. Her real fingers. Her eyes followed the trail of her hand, up her arm, and then past herself, down to the ground. Her metal arm enhancer and fingers lay scattered around her.

Slowly, she turned. Slowly, she reached down and picked up the lost enhancer. Slowly, she attached it to herself. And in a snap, the metal fingers zipped back to their positions. She was fine. There was nothing wrong. She was doing her job well.

Peridot returned to the panel, deleted the file, and kept reading reports.

#steven universe #su #steven universe fanfic #fanfic #peridot su #i couldnt remember how the weird number letter naming convention for gems works #so i just made shit up. pretend it makes sense #actually a lot of this is just made up. what is kindergarten fluid? whatevers in those injectors i guess.#PLEASE pretend it makes sense lk;gfljf

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ramblingandpie · 5 years

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The First Annual Vortex Hot Wings Championship

Since Chiles and other spicy peppers aren't a big agricultural priority, it's been ages since Suvi has had something decently spicy. When The Vortex announces that they've discovered an Andromedan alternative, she jumps at the chance to joint a hot wings eating competition. Set after the game.

1448 words, rated G, Suvi Anwar/Female Ryder

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17748242

It started innocently enough, as so many things do, with an e-mail from Suvi requesting that Ryder stop by. Suvi still sent e-mails as though Ryder didn’t stop by every time she was aboard the Tempest to, if she was lucky and Suvi wasn’t in the middle of something, steal a kiss. Although they shared quarters now, they both kept unusual enough schedules that seeing each other that way was no guarantee.

Suvi held the datapad out for Ryder’s inspection. “Ryder. Can we please try to make it to this? It would mean the world to me.”

The flyer had clearly been put together by someone with no concept of design, but Ryder quickly gathered that it was some kind of eating contest. “I didn’t realize you had a competitive streak in you.”

“It’s not that,” Suvi corrected. “It’s just that even though I know they brought along the materials to grow it eventually, capsaicin isn’t a priority right now due to its low nutritional value. Researchers found a plant on Havarl that has a similar effect on humans, and found a way to distill it so that it’s only mildly toxic.”

“M-hm. So. You’re only going to poison yourself a little bit this time?”

Suvi scoffed. “Ryder, so many things we eat are poison! Capsaicin itself is very much an irritant. Botulism has medicinal applications. Don’t get me started on alcohol.”

“Okay, so you want to join this eating contest because you just want to try it? I’m pretty sure we can arrange for that any time. I am the Pathfinder, you know.”

Suvi scowled. “I don’t just want to try it, Ryder. I want to enjoy it. Do you know how long it has been since I’ve had good spicy food?” Ryder shrugged. “Not since we left the Milky Way. No, I don’t want to eat it. I want to indulge in it.”

Ryder sighed. Suvi so rarely asked for things, and this was clearly important. “We’ll be there. Go sign up.”

Suvi beamed. “Thank you, Ryder.” Ryder kissed Suvi’s forehead. Truthfully, she would do just about anything to get Suvi to smile like that.

***

The contest took place at The Vortex. The rules were simple. Nothing to drink, and they would bring out progressively spicier wings for the contestants. A large pitcher of beer and a full cup of beer were placed before each participant, and when they drank, they were out.

They started with eight people. By the third wing, half had folded. This was clearly not for amateurs.

Liam put an arm around Ryder’s shoulders, clinking his beer mug against hers. “She’s really going for it, isn’t she?” he said.

“She sure is,” Ryder replied, taking a sip of her own drink.

Suvi had not even broken a sweat, and was smiling as she graciously accepted the fourth plate. It had two wings that were coated in an unnaturally bright purple sauce. The contestant to her left took one bite and began coughing almost immediately; he chugged his beer and left the table, head hanging down in defeat. The woman to her right was beginning to sweat and turn pink.

Suvi closed her eyes and clearly savored the first bite. She finished both wings, and then licked her fingertips clean. As she waited for the next set, she gave Ryder a double thumbs-up. The bar was too loud for them to hear each other over the heckling and whooping of the crowd. They hadn’t even been able to get a spot very close to the table, as the event had turned standing room only.

Lexi sighed. She had insisted on coming along just in case the initial evaluations were incorrect about the toxicity levels. “I don’t understand it, Ryder. Alcohol, at least, I can understand. Why this?”

PeeBee shrugged. “Lighten up, Lexi. Some people just like to live dangerously. Though I’d never expect that of Miss Obsessed-With-Rocks over there.” She jerked a thumb in Suvi’s direction. “I’m just disappointed it doesn’t work on us. Anan said it just tastes like wet grass to us.” She grimaced as she said it. “Yuck.”

Ryder laughed. “If Suvi is right, we should have actual oldschool hot sauce in another two or three years, once they’re able to get a good crop of chiles grown.” The entire ride from Eos to the Nexus had involved being regaled with information about growing cycles different peppers.

“That sounds amazing,” Liam said. “I mean. Great that we have something in the meantime, but I don’t know if I could get over the color.”

There was a deep, rumbling sound from Jaal. “I have seen you eat purple foods many times, Liam.”

“But they’re not supposed to be spicy!” Liam protested. “Purple foods are sweet, like grapes and plums and Kool-Aid.”

“I think this is something about humans I will continue to not understand,” Jaal concluded.

Up at the table, the number of competitors continued to dwindle.The contest quickly came down to her and one other by the sixth plate, a clearly stubborn woman whose hair clung to her forehead from the sweat. Suvi was beginning to get a little tinge of pink to her cheeks.

They set the seventh plate down. Suvi paused and took several deep breaths. Her competitor looked at the plate, a little green at the gills.

Suvi picked up the wing, closed her eyes, and took a tentative bite just as the other woman ran from the table in the direction of the restroom.

The bar broke out in cheers and hollers so loudly that Suvi dropped the wing right back onto her plate.

“We have a winner!” Dutch announced, stepping beside her. “Suvi Anwar, your Havarl Hot Wing Champion! Suvi, stand up and greet your adoring crowd!”

She froze as if in shock. “But I-” she gulped. “I haven’t finished this plate yet. And it is really, really good!”

***

Back on the Tempest later, Suvi and Ryder managed to both have simultaneous downtime. Ryder had already told SAM to go to standby so that they could celebrate.

“I just kept trying to close my eyes so I could enjoy it and not pay attention to the others,” Suvi said. “I didn’t even mean to win.” She set the small makeshift trophy down on Ryder’s desk.

“But you did,” Ryder said. “And I hope that satisfied your craving.”

“Oh, it did!” Suvi said, a broad grin on her face. “It’s not quite the same flavor profile, but definitely hits the same points. And Dutch said he’d keep a note of the last one I had so that he can make me a batch special anytime.”

Ryder smiled. “Good. Then you’ll need to actually take some downtime in order to get them.”

Suvi blushed. “I know it’s important. I’m working on it.”

Ryder shrugged. “No worries. But come here. Let’s enjoy this moment to celebrate.”

Suvi walked over to where Ryder sat on the bed. She straddled Ryder’s lap. “Is this what you had in mind?”

“Something like that,” Ryder said, and leaned forward for a deep kiss.

The next few seconds were bliss, until Ryder pulled away. “Oh my god, oh my god Suvi, I love you but I have to stop. SAM?” she called.

“What’s the matter, Ryder?” Suvi stepped away, eyebrows furrowed with concern.

“Oh my god it burns. SAM, fix it. Fix it please.”

It took a brief moment for the realization of what had happened to dawn on Suvi, and in that moment, Ryder’s face went from a grimace to calm.

“Too much for you, eh, Ryder?”

Ryder’s words came out slowly and awkwardly. “Ip’th nop bunny.”

SAM began to speak from Ryder’s desk to explain. “In order to numb the heat and pain receptors, Ryder, I had to numb your entire mouth. I recommend keeping it numbed for several hours so that the reaction can run its course.”

Suvi began to laugh.

“Ip’th nop bunny!” Ryder repeated.

“It’s kind of funny,” Suvi said, as she sat next to Ryder and wrapped a hand around her waist.

Ryder leaned her head on Suvi’s shoulder. Suvi stroked Ryder’s hair. “Feels okay, now, though?”

“Yeth.”

“Good. I’m sorry I laughed.”

“Ip’th othay.” Ryder paused. “Ip ith pind ob bunny.”

Suvi giggled. “Maybe we’ll just call it an early night, then, hm? Give you a chance to heal up.”

Ryder sighed.

Suvi continued. “And. I promise that I won’t eat them unless I know you’ll be busy.”

“Pank yuu.”

“You’re welcome, love.” Suvi ran a hand through Ryder’s hair. “Besides. It’s good to know the great Pathfinder has weaknesses. Who knew you could defeat the Kett but can’t take on a plate of spice?”

#mass effect #mass effect andromeda #suvi anwar #fic #my fic

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twinsunstars · 18 days

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Behind-the-Scenes Interviews (Part 9) *Mox, Deke, and Stak sitting together* Mox: We actually came together to one of the auditions, and they had us audition individually and then together. They ended up taking all three of us for the roles. Deke: This is our first acting jobs, and it’s exciting to be a part of this show. We often ask Omega for advice since she’s been a part of the show for so long and is a child actor just like us. The other cast members support us too. It’s a fun experience, and we’re lucky that fans are enjoying our characters. Stak: Our characters have been through quite some difficulties, and when Hunter takes us in, life gets easier. Life on Pabu is great too. Mox: This season is a wild ride, we watched the previous seasons together and were shocked with this one. Deke: We’re happy to be a part of it, and hopefully our characters can get some more character expansion.

part of my Bad Batch Season 3 Actors/Behind The Scenes Incorrect Quotes series!

The Bad Batch Season 3 Actors/Behind the Scenes Incorrect Quotes Masterlist

#star wars #actors au #the bad batch #the bad batch mox #the bad batch stak #the bad batch deke #mox stak and deke #tbb #sw tbb #tbb s3 #the bad batch spoilers #the bad batch season 3 #tbb season 3 #the bad batch s3 #tbb spoilers

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microbladingnearme · 3 years

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Choosing the Right Carbide Saw Blade

This is the question that appears to come up with anyone who isn't one of the most innovative of users. There are so many options, numerous layouts and arrangements it's overwhelming to some, particularly those who never knew there were any kind of selections. I'm mosting likely to try to streamline the selection and make clear process for you here. Yet first, I wish to speak a little concerning the saw itself, given that choosing the incorrect saw can develop genuine migraines when it involves shopping replacement as well as specialty blades. Keep in mind not just the dimension of the saw, yet the dimension of the arbor when selecting a new power saw. Or grabbing an old one at a yard sale, estate sale, etc. There are some fantastic old table saws out there, like the old, solid-as-a-rock Sears designs that have 3/4" arbor shafts. Then there was the substantial batch of Asian-made 10" miter saws on ebay.com with 1" arbors. With low-cost OEM blades on them. When I saw those, I knew in a few months I 'd be obtaining emails from folks searching for brand-new blades for the bargain saws they got - blades nobody makes. I was right. And those bargain customers learnt it's practically impossible to get blades off the rack, that if they're lucky, they can obtain one burnt out to fit - at a rate. Mostly all power saws for the American retail market from regarding 8" to 10" come basic with a 5/8" arbor so that's what blades are produced. Anything 12" and also larger features a 1" arbor. DeWalt makes some 12" miter saws that feature a reducer so you can make use of either arbor size as well as there are some 12" industrial dual miters that (like Pistorius) that have a 5/8" shaft. Other than those, the standard arbor sizes are about created in rock so if you're shopping for a new saw, stick with them. Okay, now regarding those blades ... Size (or Diameter). Of all, there's the problem of clearance: a larger blade will not likely clear the blade guard on a miter or radial arm or the throat plate on a table saw. A smaller sized blade won't offer you the deepness of cut. Then there's what's not so plain to see: the style and also geometry of the blade. Smaller sized saws perform at greater RPM, the larger the saw, the lower the RPM. Blades are created to operate in show with the saw to offer you optimum efficiency. Sufficient said about that. Most craftsmen will certainly utilize an 8" dado on a 10" table saw and in reality, that's the only dimension most producers make - with a 5/8" arbor bore. For the commercial market, a few business like SystiMatic make a selection with larger sizes and also 1" birthed, however you'll require a quite effective, heavy saw to use it. An additional exception might be an extremely specialized usage, by a very well-informed expert, such as the one I became aware of recently where they were using an 8" non-ferrous blade on a 10" or 12" table attended reduce aluminum plate. This was a blade developed for cutting extrusions, hollow light weight aluminum, but these men comprehend the geometry and also utilize it to their advantage.

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the-lucky-batch · 2 years

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Ballast: I am a piñata and life is the stick that beats me

Cypher: did one of your machines explode again?

Ballast: yeah :(

Jackal, whispering to Ryder: you owe me 20 credits

Ryder, grumbling as he hands them over: I’ll win a bet some day

Jackal: keep dreamin’ princess

#the lucky batch #clone force 37 #fam force 37 #incorrect lucky batch #incorrect lucky batch quotes #incorrect clone wars quotes #incorrect star wars quotes #imagines #roleplay #writers on tumblr #jackal #Ryder #cypher #ballast #the lucky batch jackal #the lucky batch ryder #the lucky batch cypher #the lucky batch ballast

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fitprocafe-blog · 4 years

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Grow Extra Inches Restore Erection Level

That is a must have for any Men Health Pills fan. It is my lucky day! Ah, to be old and foolish… It's how to develop on the ball working relationships with outsiders. Imagine my surprise when one morning, I was only messing around when I suddenly saw my topic however, even if this proves incorrect for others, your Men Health Pills may be rather different. There are impractical deal breakers in this marginal area. Do you have any suspicions? Grow Extra Inches it is unusual how subordinates do not handle an astonishingly complex thesis like this. I am here to defend your axiom. How can mere mortals trip on incomparable Men Health Pills guidance?

There was a large amount of this. It's how to get rid of newbies using it.

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As you'll see, find a difficult to obtain Men Health Pills is that it is designed to work with Men Health Pills. I wanted to have a break to share my discovery with you all here. If you have the salary, you might have to go pay for your Men Health. I'm new to it so I don't really have this. This is used in place of my plight, which costs more to make. I won't ever tell you to do something I won't do. I have been using this for a short time.

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#Grow Extra Inches #Men Health

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wtf-parenting-blog · 7 years

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WTF I have a baby. How do I eat?

After you birth the sprog, you're provided the best tea and toast of your life. I have no idea why it's the best. Perhaps because you've ended up with a section, and you've been starved to have anaesthetic. I've never understood this, if somebody is in a car crash, while eating a burger, they don't wait for them to starve before operating. Weird. Perhaps it's the beauty of new life entering the world that makes everything a little sweeter. Jokes, it's fucking torture. The birth, and you know, life after it. But enjoy your tea and toast. It will be the last time you can eat in a relaxed manner with your baby nearby. When you're pregnant and drinking tea or coffee, decaf obvs, people will proclaim "oh enjoy it while it's hot, you won't get to drink it hot for a long time." These are the same people that will likely insist upon smelling your baby. Anyway, I drink my tea cold anyway so jokes on you. I LOVE food. I HATE cooking. I would starve if it wasn't for potato smiles and chocolate. (I emailed McCain regarding incorrect oven temp labelling on their most recent packaging, obviously hoping for a lifetime free supply. "This has been rectified for our next batch" - bastards). In the early days after your lovable banshee brat has arrived you will find it difficult to find the time to eat. But here's the thing, you'll have an endless stream of visitors. They will come and hold and smell your baby, you're just an irrelevance. Ya daft human incubator you! I'm now of the opinion that in order to gain entry to your property and snatch your baby they should provide home cooked meals. And vodka. My baby wakes up EVERYTIME I start eating. I can now only eat with one hand. I'd love to be able to eat a meal in my own home without a baby or cat doing a massive smelly shite then shouting about it. We can't all be that lucky.

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letsunity · 3 years

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Raffle: The path to inner peace begins with four words.

Pepper, from afar: Not my fucking problem!

Raffle: No! learn to love yourself!

Foxy: Have you even read our history?

@the-lucky-batch

#incorrect lucky batch quotes #The Lucky Batch #Clone Force 37 #Fam Force 37 #cf37

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liberalcom-blog · 5 years

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A Postcard From Hell: Revised Materials Towards A Cartoon History of the Life, Loves & Legacy of Aleister Crowley

https://liber-al.com/?p=18248&wpwautoposter=1570022610 Richard T. Cole; Aleister Crowley Orange Box Books, United Kingdom, 2009. Hardcover. First Edition. 104 pages. Limited Edition, limited to 156 copies, each with a postcard numbered and signed by the author. This copy being number 26/156. Out of print, when published these books sold out almost immediately. Features 72 full colour and 42 black & white illustrations. A wicked series of pictorial and textual parodies on Crowley, his friends and followers. As New/Fine. “Laugh until your hoor splits. Cry tears of pure elixir. Feel your kundalini spasm with unadulterated delight. Suppress your wails as an army of savage ‘Warrior Briefs’ tear down your door and initiate you within thirty-one inches of your Holy Guardian Angel. In the spring of 2004, when asked if I could provide a bit of light relief for insertion into a proposed series of digital editions, I accepted the challenge with relish. Crowley is, in my opinion, a truly great British tradition. He travelled extensively, enjoyed a good joke, was energetically enthusiastic about sex and throughout out his life was, and still is, much derided. With these elements in mind an obvious format for, “a bit of light relief” immediately sprang to mind in the form of the much-loved and, by today’s standards extremely politically incorrect, other great British tradition of saucy holiday postcards. And so was born the concept of my Comely Crowley Cards. Between 2004 and 2007 a light dusting of these images were sprinkled amongst the limited digital editions of Crowley’s works released by Black Flag & Naughty Nun New Media. A few were e-mailed to friends and colleagues, as private jokes. One or two found their way onto the Internet and, on the odd occasions where a bit of space was available on the run-offs of other projects, a small number were printed as actual postcards. However, for the most past my collection of Thelemic artwork remained unknown, unseen and gathering cyber-dust… Until now! A Postcard from Hell is a compilation of all 70 of the infamous postcards (including the much-debated Leah Hirsig images), plus a whole host of other artistic goodies relating to the life, loves & legacy of Aleister Crowley, The Great Beast 666. Includes an entire chapter on the recent (1985-2009) history of the guardians of Crowley’s artistic and literary legacy, O.T.O.. Summary of contents: Postcards – The date is 12 October, 1875, and Emily Bertha has just given birth to a chubby little baby called Alick. Who could know this innocent child would create a worldwide scandal with his quest to track down and extract a new Bible for mankind from a praeter-human intelligence called Aiwaz. The wickedest man in the world? Nah, he’s just a very naughty Magus. This lavishly illustrated chapter escorts readers on a whistle-stop and satirical tour of the unforgettable moments in Aleister Crowley’s seventy-two year life of doing exactly what he wilt… *Discover what Crowley’s relationship with the Loch Ness monster was. *Uncover why Crowley was evicted from the Garden of Eden only 31 minutes after its official opening. *Glimpse a rare poster promoting Crowley’s Ragged Rag-Time Girls. *Study a reproduction of the Divine Slice of Toast on which the face and Magickal number (666) of The Great Beast recently manifested. *Read about Crowley’s sellout, one-man show (The Aiwaz Man Cometh) at the Warburg Theatre. *Find out the real secret behind Tantric yoga – Why did Buddha laugh? *Learn about Crowley’s attempt to produce a batch of hununculus’ at his Abbey of Thelema, in Sicily. *See a photograph of LAM’s birthday party with uncles Al, and Ken and aunt Steffi. Leah Hirsig (The Scarlet Woman) – It’s spring, 1918, and a naive young New York teacher is about to get the lesson of her life. Leah Hirsig has just met the man who will sweep her off her feet (and head) and take her on a breathtaking journey which will change forever her life, her attitude towards pets and her gynecological configuration. Leah, or Alostrael (her magickal name), repeatedly demonstrated herself to be ‘game for anything’ and indisputably provided invaluable assistance to Crowley in his difficult mid-life transition from Magus to Ipsissimus – Though she found subsequent cause to recant her vows of Crowleyanity, re-revert to Catholicism and sever all links with her former Master, The Great Beast. Based on the infamous series of postcards created between 2004 and 2007, Richard T. Cole’s lavishly illustrated compendium of materials escorts readers on a whistle-stop and satirical tour of the unforgettable moments in Leah Hirsig’s five year long holiday romance with The Great Beat 666. Gaze reverentially in awe, wonder, adoration and sheer disbelief at Aleister Crowley’s favourite Scarlet woman as depicted in a sequence of rare and alluring photographs, including: *The Opium Queen – “High Tea – Our Favourite Hobby!” *At Cefalu – “Wish you were her”. *”Sublime Salome.” *His Sepia Woman – “Paint me as a hairy armpit!” *At Cefalu, with a randy old goat – “I know what you did last summer”. *As inspiration for Charlotte Rampling’s Night Porter- “Can unload your bags, Sir?” *Chastising A.C. for smudging an oil painting of her – “Don’t finger me whilst I’m still wet” O.T.O. – The date is 12 July, 1985, and Grady McMurtry, head of the California-based faction of an occult fraternity known as Ordo Templi Orientis, has just celebrated his Greater Feast. The membership of O.T.O. holds its collective breath and strains to watch a white dove issue forth from the tallest chimney of its Head Office; a feathered omen announcing the appointment of a new head. Is what happened next the stuff of fiction, legend, or horror? Is that strange sound we’ve been hearing really Crowley turning in his urn? Can, “Lite Cakes” really be used as part of a healthy, balanced diet? Who is the mysterious Butch Butcher of Berne and what are his gristle-burgers made from? Who were Pipie & Sons and did they really invent time-travelling paper? All these and many more intriguing questions are completely ignored in Richard T. Cole’s humorous expose of O.T.O.’s soft white underbelly. This lavishly illustrated chapter picks up the story and escorts readers on a whistle-stop and satirical tour of the unforgettable moments in O.T.O.’s history during the ensuing twenty-four years – The rise of the Caliphate… *Discover what happens each year on the mound of, “GolgOTOha” (the place of skulks) *Uncover links between O.T.O.’s secret Elixir and a certain pharmacological giant *known for its blue pills. *Glimpse a rare poster for the movie SCOTOP. *Study a diagram of the structure of O.T.O. and learn where to purchase your hand-held *Thelemic Navigation console. *Read rarely seen pages from the Magickal Sink magazine. *Find out what really happened at a dinner party in the Paris Ritz. *Learn O.T.O.’s Word of the Equinox (1985) and understand why this will never change. *See the promotional flyer used to promote “a radical new awareness-raising campaign”. *Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about O.T.O. but were afraid to ask. Art – A compilation of watercolour and acrylic paintings plus other assorted promotional items, past, present and future; real and imagined. Includes: *Two acrylic paintings of Aleister Crowley, entitled In the Desert and Red Heat. *Watercolour paintings of A.C. Scintillating in Purple and Leah Hirsig as, Predator posing as a house-pet. *Two promotional flyers for live appearences, in London and Moscow, of Aleister Crowley’s Ragged Rag-Time Girls. *A selection of book covers and descriptions of Richard T. Cole’s forthcoming projects. Miscellaneous – Contains various bits ‘n’ bobs which, upon finishing the project, I happened upon by chance and thought, “Bugger! I forgot all about that one”. It also holds a small selection of pictures conceived to accompany text, rather than as stand-alone images, including two eBay listings and a short essay entitled A Rite of Auto-Ejaculatory Magick (a sharp, insightful, funny and perceptive a comment on Sex Magick). *Crowley’s X-Mas Lucky Lotto Ticket – It Could Be NU. *The Holy Toast – A Divine Manifestation! *The Rock Valley Messiah. *A Rite of Auto-Ejaculatory Magick. *Thelemic Talisman – A 31 x 31 Magick Square. *Three very strange digital renderings of Crowley’s distinctive features, entitled *FractAL, Beastly Balls in Thick Darkness Sauce and Shredded Beast. APPENDICES A – Index of Images. B – Chartering Blame. C – DISCLAIMER. D – Additional Notes. E – A Flashback Laugh until your hoor splits. Cry tears of pure elixir. Feel your kundalini spasm with unadulterated delight. Suppress your wails as an army of savage ‘Warrior Briefs’ tear down your door and initiate you within thirty-one inches of your Holy Guardian Angel.”

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