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smilingformoney · 1 year

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Incorrect Snucius quotes

A lil birthday present for @sevsnapes 😘

Lucius: Wait, you like me? For my personality?

Severus: I know, I was surprised too.

—

Severus: It sounds like you’re asking me out on a man-date.

Lucius: Severus, why are you so afraid of loving me?

—

Severus: People who are dating freak me out. They always know what the other is —

Lucius: Thinking!

Severus: Yeah, and they finish each other’s —

Lucius: Sentences?

Severus: Exactly. It’s creepy.

—

Severus: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so lets go for 12 more just in case.

Lucius: Severus, that's a coma.

Severus: Sounds festive.

—

Severus: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

Lucius: You and me!!!

Severus, tearing up: Okay.

—

Lucius: Am I going too far?

Severus: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.

—

Lucius: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars.

Severus: If anyone, and I mean anyone, wakes me up at 3am to go look at the damn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life.

—

Lucius: *Gets down on one knee*

Severus: Oh my god, it’s finally happening.

Lucius: *Falls over*

Severus: The poison is kicking in.

—

Lucius: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Severus, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons.

Lucius:

Lucius: fsh

—

Lucius: I was arrested for being too cool.

Severus: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

—

Lucius, going over Severus's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.

Severus: Yes.

Lucius: Okay... may I know what you create?

Severus: Problems.

—

Severus: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Lucius: I think you mean cards.

Severus, pulling knives out of his sleeves: No, I do not.

—

Severus: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Lucius: It’s not a joke.

Lucius: *sniffles*

Lucius: I’m a legit snack.

—

Lucius: I actually have a black belt.

Severus: In what, karate?

Lucius: No, from Gucci.

—

Lucius: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.

Severus: Lucius, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dunderhead.

—

Lucius: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.

Severus: Only if you also don't ask why

Severus: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick.

Lucius:

Severus:

Lucius: This one is fine.

—

Severus: Who else here thought Lucius was my boyfriend?

Severus: Lucius, put your hand down.

—

Severus: I don’t think your mother approves of me…

Lucius: Don’t worry about it. She doesn’t approve of me, either.

—

Lucius: Man, sure is dark in here.

Severus:

Lucius: I'm not scared or anything.

Severus:

Lucius: I mean, who is scared of the dark these days? Not me, no sir.

Severus: So you want me to hold your hand?

Lucius: Yes please.

#incorrect quotes #incorrect hp quotes #incorrect snucius quotes #snucius

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snucius · 1 year

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Bellatrix: And then Snapey Smarty Pants said "Put it down, Bella. We mustn't touch what isn't ours".

Bellatrix: Like how dare he?! I'm so done. Fuck that halfblood, right?

Lucius: Yeah, right. Fuck him, fuck him hard. Fuck him until he is writhing, whimpering and begging to com-

Bellatrix: OK, mate stop. I feel like we aren't on the same page anymore.

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chocoramo-cow · 3 months

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Lucius: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Snape, not bothering to look up from his book: who says I love you now?

Lucius: :(

#pro snape #severus snape #lucius malfoy #death eaters #snapedom #snucius #hp #incorrect quotes #incorrect hp quotes

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roseburning · 3 months

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A more realistic Snucius

Lucius: Urh, I hate anyone who is not a pureblood, c'mon, you're all so dirty and disgusting! Shame to the wizard world!

Severus: *Gets upset, but doesn't say anything.* *Later* James: Oh, what we got here? Little, disgusting Snivellus! Look at that hair, when was the last time you showered, you dirty thing!

Lucius: Hey! Leave. Him. Alone! You stupid git! Is not like you're any better, Pottah!

Severus: *Clings to Lucius like a life buoy in a sea of torment*

Sirius: *Eye rolls* Lapdog...

#anti marauders #severus snape #pro severus snape #snucius #lucius x severus #incorrect quotes #incorrect harry potter quotes #incorrect snape quotes #incorrect marauders quotes

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394halfbloodprince · 1 year

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Lucius: if you keep talking like that you’re gonna sleep on the couch

Severus: if you keep acting like that I’m gonna want to.

#severus snape #snape #pro snape #professor severus snape #snape fandom #harry potter #professor snape #snapeloveposts #snapedom #snape love #snape community #severus #snape content #harry potter incorrect quotes #lucius malfoy #snapelove #snucius

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thetorturedpoetsintern · 2 months

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Severus, looking at Lucius: I need someone to pull me close deeper than I've ever known whose love feels like a rodeo, who knows just how to take control

Lucius, looking at Severus: When I'm vulnerable, he's straight talking to my soul, conversation overload got me feeling vertigo

#and thats the moment they realised they're in love with eachother ladys and gents #severus snape #lucius malfoy #snucius #incorrect quotes #training season

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americannslytherinn · 1 year

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Severus: Oh Merlin, it's my ex. 😒

Minerva: You dated Bellatrix??

Severus: What?? No... him.

Lucius: 😉✨️

#snucius #snape x lucius #incorrect quotes #incorrect harry potter #🌦️🐍.SNAPE #🟢⚪.SLYTHERIN #🔴🟡.GRYFFINDOR #🐸🪄.DUNGBOMBS | Shitposts #severus snape #lucius malfoy #minerva mcgonagall

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maraudersera-slytherins-1970s · 2 years

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Severus Snape: *speaking Italian*

Lucius Malfoy: I know, I know.

Corban Yaxley: You speak Italian?

Lucius Malfoy: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Sev speaks.

#severus snape #lucius malfoy #snucius #corban yaxley #70s slytherins #slytherin incorrect quotes #marauders era #death eaters incorrect quotes #death eaters

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ruthyrejectz · 7 months

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Lucius: I'm so fucking bored, there's nothing to do.

Severus: You could do the dishes like I asked you to.

Lucius, pulling out a book: I'm not bored anymore.

#severus snape #incorrect quotes #snape #snape gang #incorrect snape quotes #lucius malfoy #snucius #narcissa black

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lolwhutdidijustdo · 9 months

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Incorrect Snucius Quotes

During The Order of The Phoenix, wherin Lucius is worried about Severus' safety when spying on the Order.

Lucius: I admire your disposition in regards to this, Sev, but I cannot help but ponder all the ways it can go wrong.

Severus: Don’t fret, I know precisely what I am doing. Everything is under control, and I will be fine.

Lucius: How can you still say that? With your position as our Spy within the order...

Severus: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: Severus, why has Draco gotten detention from Dolores Umbridge?

Severus: She pointed at him with her wand, and said “there is an idiot at the end of this.”

Lucius: The impunity! And…?

Severus: He told her that she should speak more highly of herself.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: What goes up but never comes down?

Narcissa: The amount of stress you're bringing this family.

Severus: Your level of insufferability and pompous attitude?

Draco: Your ego?

Lucius: Merlin, what is wrong with you? I was going to say my love for you all...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: I am quite confident in my assessment that you are probably some sort of sick deadly fuck.

Severus: Who told you my secret?

Narcissa: That's - how is that a secret, Severus? The both of you are literally Death Eaters.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: I have the upmost confidence in your abilities, Severus!

Severus, to himself: Merlin, I must suck. The nicest thing Lucius can think to say to me is that he doesn't doubt the usefulness of my existence.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius, explaining his plans to Voldemort: That’s why we need to get an expert on poisons, to ensure the swift... displacement of our political enemies.

Severus, sarcastically: Oh, and I can't imagine whom you would ask to carry out such a task.

Death Eaters: *Stareing at Narcissa*

Narcissa, with a resigned sigh: Oh, alright. I suppose I'll be doing it then.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Severus, to Draco: You cannot use magic to transport any potions ingredients because it will interfere with the potency of the brew! Any idiot would know that!

Lucius: I knew that!

Severus, gesturing to Lucius: See?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the Battle in the Department of Mysteries

Lucius: My head hurts. Severus: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Severus, talking to Lucius about the Death Eaters: They're trying to lure me into a false sense of security! Well, joke’s on them! I’ve never been secure in my life, and I’m not about to start now!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: I am wounded, Severus, that you have lied to me. Severus: I'm a spy! It's what I do! That being said, I would never lie to you.

Lucius, enamoured: Truely?!

Severus: Well, it somewhat depends on how you define lying.

Lucius: I happen to define it as intentionally obscuring the truth. How would you define it?

Severus: Reclining your body in a horizontal position.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: Don’t go picking a fight with me. I could make your life difficult.

Severus, sarcastically: Wow. I wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: What the hell is wrong with you?

Severus: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: Sev, when’s your birthday?

Severus: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?

Lucius: …So I know when to get your present and wish you a happy birthday.

Severus, tearing up: Oh...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Severus: Go fuck yourself.

Lucius: Come over here and fuck me yourself you coward!

Severus, striding forward with purpose

Lucius: wait no-

Bellatrix, seeing this go down: Can we please just have one normal meeting!?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#snucius #incorrect quotes #hp fandom

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smilingformoney · 2 years

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Snape, reading the Daily Prophet: Some idiot tried to fight a squid in the aquarium today.

Lucius, covered in black ink: Maybe the squid was being a dick.

#incorrect hp quotes #incorrect Snucius quotes #Snucius #source: idk i stole it from twitter #hp shitpost

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snucius · 1 year

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Lucius: You didn't celebrate my Valentine's Day, you realize that, right?

Severus: Why would I? We're not valentines.

Lucius: Aren't we? Then I'm afraid you must let go of my hand Severus.

Severus: No, it's mine.

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odyseesnape · 1 year

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INCORRECT QUOTES

Severus : *seductively takes off glasses*

Severus : Wow...

Lucius: *blushes* Haha... what?

Severus : You're really fucking blurry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus : Ugh, crushes are so dumb.

Lucius: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.

Severus : But you’re always acting stupid?

Lucius: ...

Lucius: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucius : Hey, Severus, what do you think it would be like if we had kids?

Severus : What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly.

Lucius : No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it?

Severus : Can't really say I have.

Lucius : You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes.

Severus : Sorry, Lucius . For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus : I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.

Lucius: That's great, Severus . Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucius, throwing his head into Severus 's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!

Severus , lovingly stroking his hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus : Bro-

Lucius: No, no, hold up, rewind.

Lucius: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucius : This date is boring!

Severus : This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

Lucius : Then why did you invite me?

Severus : I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Severus I'll do whatever I want!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus : Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Lucius: I wrote you a poem.

Severus , already crying: You did?

https://perchance.org/incorrect-quote-generator

#harry potter #severus x lucius #snucius #harry potter incorrect quotes #incorect quote

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allin1-accont101 · 2 years

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I had to post this cause I couldn't find the original one 🥲