#hp shitpost

[smilingformoney]

Snape: I left instructions for everyone for while I’m gone.

Harry: Mine just says “Potter, no.”

Snape: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

#hp shitpost #snarry #severitus #incorrect hp quotes #incorrect snape quotes #incorrect quotes

[havingaverydrarryday]

Draco: I really like this man but I don't know how to tell him.

Harry: Just ask him to the pub this weekend.

Draco: Do you want to go to the pub with me this weekend?

Harry: No, I meant ask them.

Draco: I just did.

Harry: What did he say?

Draco: I don't know. You tell me.

Harry: What do you mean?

Draco: I like you, you pillock.

#drarry #harry potter #draco malfoy #hp shitpost #and they were partners #Aurors can be idiots

[hms-hairy-plopper]

Hufflepuff: *crying*

Slytherin: Okay, what happened *this* time?

Hufflepuff: *sniffles* Someone told me that my brownies were really dry.

Slytherin:

Hufflepuff: *sniffles*

Slytherin: Well, sounds like someone also doesn’t need teeth anymore…

#hp shitpost #slytherin x hufflepuff #hufflepuff x slytherin #incorrect hufflepuff quotes #incorrect slytherin quotes #hogwarts #incorrect harry potter quotes #hufflepuff #helga hufflepuff #salazar slytherin #shit hufflepuffs say #shit slytherins say #slytherin #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #incorrect quotes #harry potter #incorrect hogwarts quotes #hp fandom

[simping-4-voldemort]

Onion Headlines and Harry Potter Characters part 4/?

#hermione granger #harry potter #lucius malfoy #narcissa malfoy #dolores umbridge #james potter #gilderoy lockhart #hinny #romione #lucissa #prongs #marauders era #marauders fandom #hp fandom #lord voldemort likes to watch the world burn #lord voldemort sows chaos #lord voldemort #hp shitpost #shitpost #shitposting

[moonlightdancer26]

Ron: *sneaking back into his dorm late at night*

Harry, turning around in his chair: Where have you been?

Ron, sweating nervously: I- I was with Ginny

Ginny, turning around in another chair: Try again

Ron:

Ron: Wait… what the fuck are you doing here?

#harry james potter #hermione granger #ron weasley #ronald weasley #harry potter #harry potter fandom #hinny #romione #ronmione #hinny fandom #harry james potter appreciation #two ships in one ;) #incorrect hinny quotes #i saw something similar but with another ship and i couldn’t resist #incorrect romione quotes #hp #shitpost #hp shitpost #gryffindor

[oxydiane]

watching a horror movie:

comments the entire movie: sirius

gets scared at every jumpscare: james

silent, no one knows wether they’re bored or terrified: remus

tries to predict the ending: lily

has no idea what’s going on, asks questions ruining the movie: peter

laughs every time someone dies: regulus

#harry potter #sirius black #james potter #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #regulus black #lily evans #marauders #marauders era #shitpost #ish #hp shitpost #marauders shitpost #incorrect marauders #headcanon #incorrect marauders era #wolfstar #jegulus #starchaser

[artemisia-black]

Regulus being described as ‘soft’ should be taken as relative to the rest of the Black family:

-Bellatrix the war criminal who enjoyed torturing people.

-Andromeda who left her family for principle and love, lost her husband and daughter yet still raised her grandson.

-Narcissa who managed to stay out of prison and lied to Voldemort’s face.

-Araminta Metifula who wanted to hunt muggles.

-Walburga who I’m convinced left that portrait as a ‘fuck you’ to Sirius.

-Sirius who endured Azkaban, broke out by swimming one of the coldest and most treacherous bodies of water in the world, roamed the halls of Hogwarts with a knife, went on the lam with a Hippogriff, then ate rats to keep his godson safe.

Ofc the wannabe war criminal is seen as ‘soft’ by comparison. Lol

#hp shitpost #i love regulus black #but he is a little shit #regulus black

[the-real-milo]

Draco: I’m going to sleep with Harry Potter

Pansy:

Draco: as a prank!

Pansy: 

Draco: Haha it will totally get him what a good prank

Pansy: Hermione told me you’ve been sleeping with him for over a year now

Draco: goddamnit i’m starting up the race war again

#drarry #hp incorrect quotes #drarry incorrect quotes #draco x harry #harry x draco #drarry memes #incorrect drarry quotes #harry potter #harry potter funny #drarry shitpost #drarry smut #drarry ship #hp textpost #hp shitpost #dmhp #harry potter memes #draco malfoy #drarry fanfiction #pansy parkinson

[slyther-bi]

I'm back with my happy snape family au 😊

◇

5yr old Severus: Can we go out to get icecream?

Eileen: Did you ask your father?

Severus: He said no.

Eileen: Then why did you ask me?

Severus: He's not the boss of you.

Eileen, internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap.

◇

Teen Severus: Protip is you do not feel good about yourself after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce.

Tobias: What's wrong with you??

Severus: I literally JUST said I ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce?? Pay attention.

Eileen: No, he means other than that.

Severus: Ohhhhhh.

Severus: I haven't slept in 4 days.

◇

Teen Severus: *gets a text* Oh! It’s my parents.

Teen Lily, excitedly: Did they get me the stuff?

Severus: Yeah, they says they got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood.

Lily: Wow! Where’d they find 12 gallons of fake blood?

Severus: You wanted fake blood?

Lily:

Severus: I’ll go call my parents.

◇

Tobias: Why would you give a knife to our 12 yr old son?!

Eileen, shrugging: He felt unsafe.

Tobias: Now I feel unsafe!

Eileen: I’m sorry…

Eileen: Would you like a knife?

◇

*The Snape Family using a Ouija board*

Tobias: Tell us… Is there a spirit in this house?

Spirit, through the board: YES.

Eileen: Great! Rent is due on the first of the month.

Severus: Oh, and movie night is on Friday if you want to hang out.

Spirit: WAIT, WHAT—

◇

Tobias: Okay, how do I look? Be honest.

Eileen: There’s no critic more honest than our 5yr old son!

5yr old Severus: Bad.

◇

Teen Severus: Mom, in your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?

Eileen, turning to Tobias: How tall are you?

◇

Tobias, talking to an 11yr old Severus on his first day at Hogwarts: Well Severus, whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘would your mother do that?’ and if she would, I do not do that thing.

11yr old Severus: …

Eileen, from behind Tobias: He's not wrong though

◇

Tobias: What do we say when making bread?

10yr old Severus, glumly: That's the dough rising.

Tobias: And what do we NOT say?

Eileen, sadly: That's the yeast fucking.

◇

Eileen: I dropped our son!

Tobias: Eileen, what the fuck!

◇

Eileen: I told your father that his ears turn red when he lie.

Severus: Do they?

Eileen: No.

Severus: Then why did you tell him that?

Eileen: Because I can do this.

Eileen: Hey Tobias! Do you love us?

Tobias, with his hands over his ears: No.

#happy snape family au #snape family #severus snape prince #severus snape #eileen snape #eileen prince #tobias snape #shit post #random #random shit #my shit #hp #hp text post #hp shit #hp shitpost #incorrect quotes #inccorect quotes #incorrect harry potter quotes #incorrect hp quotes #muggle #pureblood #half blood prince

[badmoonrose]

woe, hp dash simulator be upon ye

( 0 notes )

🪽wyrdest-sister Follow

"it's weird to speculate about whether someone has lycanthropy" my brother in merlin his name is myron wagtail i think he knows that we know

( 674 notes )

🪄is-hhsnbn-dead-yet Follow

V*ldemort has been dead for 15 slutty, slutty years.

#so scared that the v*ldy apologists are gonna find this post and think it's for them #blood supremacists dni

( 1738 notes )

🐰transgirlanimaga Follow

lowkey does anyone else feel like this world was designed by a weird bigot or sumn haha

#like. #did anyone else go to a school where they made a huge deal of how boys are magically locked out of the girls' dorms #and then the admin acted like theyve never heard of trans ppl b4??

( 63 notes )

🐰transgirlanimaga Follow

did my vent post seriously get flagged as mature im going to cast an unforgivable on a staff member.

( 5 notes )

🐶alchemisttboy Follow

Harry Potter's parents were 21????

🐶alchemisttboy Follow

they shouldve been at the clubbbbbb

🍄dementorkink Follow

they were in hiding what did you want them to do?? lmao

( 523 notes )

🥩fvckthedailyprophet Follow

i mentioned tumblr to this hot muggle girl and she asked for my blog how do i tell her i was talking about wixen tumblr without breaking the statute

🥩fvckthedailyprophet Follow

we need to dismantle the statute so that i can get hot girls to follow me on tumblr. and for muggle rights i guess. whatever.

#i can smell the notes calling me a death eater from here. #bro im literally a half-blood. its called a joke.

( 34 notes )

🎆celestinywarbitch Follow

💀lockhartstannie-deactivated20170830

um??? @wizardstaff op is literally promoting the use of unforgivables how the heck is this still up

🎆celestinywarbitch Follow

WOE, obliviation be upon ye

🎆celestinywarbitch Follow

i was joking i swear i was joking why tf did they deactivate.

🕷️darkarts-halloffame Follow

date of origin: august 30, 2017

#dark arts #curses and hexes #that time we all thought you could curse someone through tumblr. what a hellsite.

( 420,690 notes )

🪸potioneerluvr Follow

im at yo bm crib throwin bernie bott's at yo kid head full speed

#accidentally implied that wizards got polls years before us. good for them. #harry potter #anti jkr #jkr hate #trans hp #trans harry potter #im at yo bm crib #hp shitpost #dash simulator #hp tw

[smilingformoney]

Snape’s plaque in the Hogwarts Memorial Garden be like

#Severus snape #pro snape #Snapedom #hp #hp shitpost #look me in the eye and tell me this isn’t accurate

[havingaverydrarryday]

Draco: I'm going to kick your arse!

Harry: I'd like to see you try, Malfoy.

Draco: Saturday. At the usual place and time.

Harry: Loser pays for supper.

Pansy: Can't you two just ask each other out like normal people?

#harry potter #draco malfoy #drarry #hp shitpost #pansy parkinson #harry x draco

[whxre-snape]

Regulus, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?

Barty: Yeah, sure.

*A few minutes later*

Barty: Here you go.

Regulus:

Severus:

Severus: ...Why am I here?

#barty crouch jr #regulus black #regulus snape #severus snape #severus snape prince #hp shit #hp shitpost #hp #hp text post #random shit #shit post #my shit #random #incorrect hp quotes #incorrect quotes

[simping-4-voldemort]

Onion Headlines and Harry Potter Characters part 9/?

#harry potter #harry james potter #order of the phoenix #james potter #lily evans potter #peter pettigrew #albus dumbledore #sirius black #alice longbottom #frank longbottom #dobby #lord voldemort #tom riddle #tom marvolo riddle #severus snape #lord voldemort sows chaos #pro lord voldemort #lord voldemort likes to watch the world burn #professor snape #hp shitpost #hp fandom #marauders era #marauders fandom #shitpost #shitposting

[moonlightdancer26]

Severus Snape in a nutshell:

#he ain’t operating come back tomorrow #(p.s. he won’t be operating the next day either‚ but i’m sure you already know that) #severus snape #pro snape #pro severus snape #snape #harry potter #anti snaters #shitpost #hp shitpost #hp

[anti-marauders]

Of all the Death Eaters, even when they side with Voldy, Avery Jr. doesn't seem that evil. Like, as a kid he was a bit of a bully, but as an adult, we see him scheming up a plan that would involve hurting the minimum amount of people, although it was a dumb one, and he begs upon Voldemorts return forgiveness not only for himself, but also his comrads. Makes me think most death eaters are morally grey, not necessarely personally evil.

Peter Pettigrew, is resentful and cowardly, but...He doesn't do that for pleasure.

Draco Malfoy is little more than a school yard bully who's more parent-oriented than peer-oriented. He's honestly the least scary out of them.

Regulus died to save his house elf Kreature.

The young Death Eaters prior to meeting Voldy were probably not that bad. Not good by any means, but not this twisted and evil.

True, the same goes for Severus who turned spy when his childhood friend became a target.

Not all slytherins were sick and twisted. They weren't fully good but they still had some sort goodness in their heart.

#ask #asks #hp #hp shitpost #hp shit #random #random shit #house of slytherin #slytherins #avery #regulus black #draco malfoy #severus snape