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zmayadw · 3 years

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Hello

Here’s the next part.

Have a nice evening!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 14

For the next three days i was trying to keep myself bussy with work, so not to go crazy thinking if Jake will contact me. I wasnt very succesful with it, i kept thinking of him a lot. Did i make it worse with all i said to him? Does he feel the same? What if he doesnt, can i just get over it easy? My mind was a mash, i was going crazy. I barely managed to do any work. And not to mention, those darn phonecalls continued on a daily basis. I really started to get a bad vibe from it, but i couldnt think of anything that would give me a reason for it. On the fourth day, i couldnt stand anymore being in my motel room, so i texted Jessy if she wants to meet me for lunch. She replied shortly after, accepting my offer gladly. A change of scenery will do me good.

I met with Jessy at the town square, and we decided to go to a pasta place. As we sat at the table, and ordered, she looked at me all serious „Whats up, Maya? I can see worry written all over your face.“ I tought if telling her about the calls would be a good thing, she might get too worried for me. After a moment of hesitation, i started. „I'v been getting some weird phonecalls lately, and its driving me insane.“ Jessy looked at me, worry appearing on her face „What kind of calls?“ „Hidden caller calls“ i told her, sighing „It all started a while ago, and i didnt think much of it at first. But then they beacme more frequently.“ I paused for a moment, seeing Jessy getting more upset with it as i told her more of it. „Does the caller say anything?“ she asked. „No, just silence.“ I sighed, sounding tired „I got a bad feeling about it all, Jessy. I dont know why, but something is off with it all.“ „Did you tell anyone else about it?“ she asked, and i knew who she had in mind. „If you mean Jake, no, i havent told him.“ I looked at her, before i continued „Since you mentioned him, theres something else i have to tell you.“ I told her all about that night after i left Aurora. She scolded me for not telling her sooner, but not holding a grudge, considering othere things that wer happening. „So you understand now why i haven't told him anything.“ I said, a feel of desperation taking over me. Jessy looked at me for a moment „I understan.“ She started „But i think you should tell him, Maya.“ „I dont want him to think im pushy, Jessy.“ I said, but she interupted me „Maya, dont be a fool. He can help you with this. Heck, he's the only one from us all that can actualy be of any help.“ She looked at me, pleadingly „Please, Maya, promise me you will contact him. Today.“ I couldnt say no to her, and she was right. Jake was the one person who might help me with this. I sighed desperatly „Alright, Jessy, i promise i'll contact him.“ „Today.“ She added, and i replied „Today, yes.“ Neither of us had much of an apetit afterwards. She walked with me to my car, giving me a tight hug „Everything will be ok, Maya.“ She said, giving me a reasuring smile. „I hope so, Jessy.“ I opened the car doors. „Call me if you need anything, and i mean anything. I'm here for you.“ „Thanks, Jessy, i will.“ I said to her smiling, waveing her goodby.

When i got back to the motel, i sat at my bed, holding my phone in front of me, just staring at it. Four days passed since that night, and he still hasnt contacted me. But Jessy was right, Jake can help me. I opened my phone, entering the chat with him. „Hey, you there?“ i wrote, and pushed send. I got up from the bed, and started walking arround the room nervously, still holding my phone. When the sound of a new message beeped fom it, i almost dropped it.

Jake: Yes, what's up?

Maya: I need your help

Jake: Is everything ok?

Maya: Not really..

Maya: Is it possible for us to meet?

Maya: I really dont want to go about it over the phone.

Jake: Alright.

Maya: Cafe Rainbow?

Jake: Meet you there in an hour?

Maya: Yeah, great.

Maya: Thank you.

Jake: No worries.

Jake is now offline

I decided to walk there, clearing my head on the way a bit. I took my stuff, and left. As i was walking towards cafe, i hoped the atmosphere between Jake and me wont be aqward. I was stressed enough with those calls. The day was sunny, so i took my sunglasses with me, even tho the sun wont be out for much longer. I got there a bit earlier, and sat at the table outside, ordering a coffee. It passed a few minutes maybe, when i saw Jake comming my way. He sat down accross from me, and ordered coffee, too. I took of my sun glasses, and I guess my face showed all the worry and tiredness, because i could see Jake's face getting all serious. „Is everything alright, Maya? You look terrible.“ He asked me, worry in his voice. „No, Jake, everything is not ok.“ I said desperatly. I started explaining him all about the calls, him listening intensly to every word i said. „Alright“ he said as i finished „So just the calls happened, nothing else?“ he asked me. I looked at him, sighing „You think im over exaggearting about it, dont you?“ He looked at me, softness in his eyes „Hey, i can see this is bothering you, so, no, i dont think that.“ „It does bother me. I have a bad feeling cravling at me every time my damn phone rings.“ I said desperatly „I'm on a verge of breaking.“ I slouched tiredly at my chair then. Jake nudged me on my knee „Hey, it will be alright.“ He gave me a reasuring smile „We will figure it out.“ I looked at him „Thanks, i really appriciate you doing this.“ „No worries.“ He said. He got all serious before saking „ Would you mind if i'd check your phone?“ „Ofcourse not“ i said. I took the phone from my purse, handing it to him, but he smiled „Not like that.“ I looked at him puzzled, before he replied to me „I would like to check your phone internaly.“ „Oh, i see.“ I asked him after a moment „And how will you do that?“ He got a bit nervous.„Uhm, well, i would have to get some stuff from Hannahs place.“ He started „We can do it at the motel.“ He looked at me then, and i noticed him blushing a bit. I smiled inside „Ok, that would be fine.“ And i added, trying to make him feel less uncomfortable by all „I dont want the others finding out about it, eitherway. At least untill we find out more about it.“ He relaxed a bit „Ok, great. Did you came with your car?“ „No, i walked this time. I was stressed too much for driving.“ I told him. „Alright, understandable. Well, you mind if we stop to Hannahs place first, then head to the motel?“ „Sure, lets do it.“ I said, leaving enough money on the table for both of our coffees. Jake wanted to protest, but i shushed him quickly „At least let me do this, as a way of a 'thank you'.“ He smiled at me „Not necessary, but alright.“ I smiled back, leaving the money, and we left.

Hannahs apartment wasnt far from the cafe. I told him i'll wait for him outside, and he went in to grab his stuff. He came back shortly, his backpack over his shoulder. „Alright, im ready.“ He said, as he got back to where i was waiting. We walked in silence, when my phone rang. I took it out of my purse, and tensed when i saw it was one more of those hidden calls. Jake took the phone from me, answering it. „Hello?“ he said, looking at me, as i waited impatiently . He said 'hello' few more times before the call was ended. He handed me the phone back „Dont worry, this is all probably nothing.“ He told me, giving me a reasuring smile. „I really hope so.“ We continued towards the motel. As we got there, i unlocked the doors and entered my room. Jake paused a bit at the doors, and i chuckled at him „Well, come in, I dont bite.“ i said. He shook his head smiling, saying as he stepped inside „You sure?“ „Well, you will just have to trust me.“ I said teasingly „Or would you rather prefer for me to leave a chair for you outside, so at least you can sit while you work?“ „Ha, thanks, but i'll take my chances inside then.“ He said, grining. He was so sweet, i couldnt belive he was here with me. I tensed at the tought, and quickly glanced arround the room, sighing with relieve i actually left it tidy. I got to the desk, moving my stuff away „Here, you can use the desk.“ „Thanks.“ He sat down and started taking his stuff out from his backpack. He took out his laptop, wich was waaaay better then mine, and some other gadgets i had no clue what they were. „Uhm, power plug?“ he asked, and i replied its behind the desk. He pluged all he needed, and started his laptop. It was interesting seing him like this. He was doing what he does best, and i could see seriousnes and dedication in it. His laptop booted, and he turned to me „Can i have your phone, please? And turn it off.“ I took my phone, turning it off, giving it to him. He took it and plugged it to one of the gadgets, wich was connected to his laptop. He opened some program on it, and started typing something on the keyboard, not even glancing at it. I just stared at him in amazement. To him, this was like playing a piano, he could do it with his eyes closed. He finished after a few moments, turning to me „Well, now we wait.“ „And what is it that you are looking for?“ i asked him „And, please, explain it to me as simple as you can, this whole thing is a nuclear sience to me.“ He smiled at me „ Well, simply saying, im checking if your phone was 'hacked' somehow,tempered in any way. But, that will take a while. I wanted to check it thoroughly, so it will take longer then usualy.“ „Alright, thank you for a simple explanation.“ I smiled at him. „You're welcome“ he replied. „Well, since this will take a while, we could order a pizza or something?“ I asked. „Sure, i could eat something.“ „Great“ i said, adding „Uhm, since my phone is 'under maintanance', could you do it?“ „Oh, sure.“ He smiled „What kinda pizza would you like?“ „Oh, whatever, as long as its not too spicy, or with exotic fruit.“ I shuddered at the last tought. He laughed, his laugh ringing to my ears like a beautiful melody. „Good taste.“ He said. „Want a Cola with it? Or anything else?“ „Cola is fine, thanks.“ I said. He fidgeted for a while with his mobile, setting it down on the desk „Ok, done. Should be here in about 40 minutes.“ „Great.“ I started „Amm, do you mind if i take a shower while we wait for it?“ He looked at me, his eyes getting some special glow in them, something i havent noticed before. I felt the heat spreading through my body, as his gaze intensified, when he finaly said „Ofcourse not, go ahead.“ He started „I'll be right here waiting.“ I smiled, turned to grab some stuff from the wardrobe, before going to bathroom. Jake was watching me the whole time, and i had a feeling i was burning now. I entered the bathroom, closing the door, and leaning agains it from the inside. What the heck was that, i tought to myself, This was new. And i liked it. Could it be, i tought, that my little monologue from that night initiated something? I looked at myself in the mirror, realizing i was grinning like a mad man. I turned the shower on, taking my clothes off, and steping inside.

When i was done, i putted fresh clothes on and left the bathroom. Jake was still sitting behind the desk, checking something on his laptop. He turned to me as i stepped back into the room „Feeling better?“ he asked. „Yes, definatly.“ I told him smiling, sitting on the bed.. „Thats a nice pendant arround your neck.“ He told me. „A gift from someone sepcial?“ „Yeah, as a matter of fact.“ I said smiling, my hand automaticaly reaching for it. I told him how my mom always liked clovers, and about giving me that pendant, saying it will bring me luck and keep me safe. „Thats kinda like my lucky charms.“ I said smiling. But my smile faded, and i said gloomily „Kinda ironic at the moment, wouldnt you say.“ Jake got up from the desk, sitting next to me on the bed. „It's not.“ He said „Nothing happened that would make you say so.“ „Nothing happened 'yet'.“ I said, sighing, leaning my head on his shoulder. Just being this close to him made me feel better. His presence made me both aroused and calm at the same time. My hands wer resting on my legs, and he putted his hand over mine „Nothing will happen, Maya, i promise you.“ His hand was so soft and warm. I closed my eyes, just enjoing this moment, taking in deep breaths of him. The pizza guy knocked at the door then, and i cursed under my breath, moving my head from his shoulder. I wanted for the moment to last a bit longer. Jake looked at me, giving me an akward smile, his face showing he was sharing my resentment by the knock. He got up slowly, going for the door. He gave the guy some money taking pizza and drinks from him. I moved myself to the head of the bed, adjusting both pillows on the bed frame. „C'mon, lets eat while its still warm.“ I told him, tapping with my hand other side of the be. He came to the other side of the bed, putting the pizza on the middle. He handad me the bag with the drinks, and i took them out, placing them on the stand next to my side of the bed. He took his sneakers off and sat on the bed. I handed him some napkins from the bag, and we opened the pizza box. It was late already, so i turned the night light on the stand. I grabbed the tv remote „Want me to find some silly movie?“ I grined at him. He chuckled „Sure, why not.“ I switched through programmes, stoping on some movie we both agreed to just leave it on. We just watched and ate in silence. We finished the pizza, and i got up moving the box from the bed, handing him his drink. He took a few sips giving it back to me. With pizza box gone, we both stretched on the bed, and i switched of the light. I adjusted my pillow, Jake doing the same, and as he did, our heads touched at the top. I smiled, looking at the TV, feeling my eyes becoming heavy. „This is nice.“ I said after a moment, yawning sleepely. I could feel Jake smiled „Yeah“ he said „It really is.“ His hand found mine then, and our fingers intertwined. I moved closer to him, turning on my side, placing my head on his chest, not letting his hand go. He hugged me with his other hand, pulling me even closer to him. I closed my eyes, letting his breathing and the sound of his heartbeet lulling me slowly to sleep. Before sleep took over me, i said almost whispering „Good night, Jake.“ He gently kissed me on the forehead „Sweet dreams, Maya.“

#duskwood #duskwood fanfic #duskwood jessy #duskwood mc #duskwood jake

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savoies · 4 years

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Cliches - Carter Hart.

Carter Hart x Reader.

Summary: Carter is the popular guy while Y/N is just the girl who keeps to herself. She starts tutoring him and they rekindle a friendship that they used to have which leads to even more after learning to trust each other again.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warning: maybe a bad word or two and hints of a bad home life.

A/N: Before anyone comes at me, yes this is like a walk to remember but with my ideas and a different take on that. But it does have the aspect of two opposites attracting. I really hope you guys like it.

Carter Hart was the residential popular boy at Lakeview High. Everyone knew him and he tried to know everyone. Carter was big on meeting new people and starting conversations wherever he was. He wasn't popular for being rude, being the football captain, or dating the head cheerleader. Carter was actually popular for being nice. Yes he did have a spot on the football team but he didn't think he was better than anyone else and treated everyone the same.

Y/N was the residential shy girl. She kept to herself and her life motto was the less social interactions the better. Y/N didn't perceive to be rude she just didn't like to put her walls down for people that would just walk away. She felt as though keeping to herself was the best option. She did put her walls down for her best friend but he just walked away after they both went into highschool.

Carter and Y/N had their fair share of interactions throughout highschool. But during their entire childhood they were glued to the hip. Carter was the only person that had seen Y/N be herself yet when they went into highschool that all changed. Carter joined the football team saying that he would still have enough time for his best friend. But after the first week Y/N was by herself and Carter was mostly with his new friends that included football players and cheerleaders.

Carter tried talking to Y/N, ok maybe not having a full blown conversation but sending a simple hello her way. But every time he tried she would walk the other way. She didn't want to deal with him. If he had ignored her all of freshman year, she could ignore a simple hello. As she walked to her english class she took a seat towards the middle where she could blend in. There was about ten minutes before class started so she buried her head in a book to avoid conversation. What brought back her attention though was Carter walking in with his friends laughing loudly. Y/N looked up and they made eye contact for a second. She smiled at him shyly and put her book away as the teacher walked in.

Carter was failing english badly. If he didn't show up to class everyday he probably would've had a better grade than now. He needed to raise it up to play football or his spot would be given to someone else who had better grades. If he let it go down one bit more, then his whole football journey was over. Now he didn't want that and his teacher had talked to him about getting a tutor. Now Carter knew that getting a tutor probably meant that he would get stuck with some dude that only cared about homework. That is why he groaned at the idea but if it was supposed to help him so he was supposed to say yes right.

As class ended Carter headed up to the teachers desk as you packed up your stuff. You noticed that they were talking so you decided to pack up a bit quicker to leave and give them privacy. But as soon as you were gonna walk out the door your teacher called you.

“Y/N could you come here for a second please.” you put a smile on your face and headed back inside. “Mr. Hart here is in desperate need of an english tutor and I would like you to help him.” Those were the last words both of you guys wanted your teacher to say. Both of you interrupted them with banter.

“Why me, there're so many people in the class.” you said.

“Yeah i don't think that is gonna work out.” Carter said. It was like he was reading your mind.

“Well that's the only solution and there will be no further discussion exchange numbers and start as soon as possible.” your teacher said and pushed you out of their classroom. Little did Carter know that you never had the guts to erase his number.

“Here plug in your phone and i'll text you when i'm free.” Carter said, handing you his phone. Glad to know that he didnt save your phone number. You were kind of hurt but it didn't really matter right. It's not like you were going to call him.

“Look Y/N, i'm sorr--.” before he could end his sentence and go on giving an apology you stopped him because right now you didnt want Carter’s pity. “I'm just helping you pass, I'm not trying to reconcile.” you said as you headed to the last place you wanted to go, home.

Today was the day that you were going to have your first tutoring session with Carter. You weren't too thrilled to say the least. But anything to get you out of your house for a bit. It was after school and you headed to the library to wait for Carter. You sat down at the table and waited for Carter. You thought maybe he would arrive in twenty minutes but after forty minutes of waiting you were getting irritated. He didn't even have the audacity of sending you a text that he was gonna be late. After one hour of waiting you decided that he had wasted enough of your time and you decided to pack up. That's when Carter came rushing in.

“Oh gosh Y/N, i know i'm sorry for making you wait but Coach decided to have an emergency meeting, i'm so sorry. Im here now.” Carter said exasperated.

“You could've at least sent a text.” you suggested.

“Coach doesnt let us use our phones.” Carter said hopeful that maybe you would stay cause he really didn't want to mess this up on the first day. You decided that he seemed like he was being honest so you shrugged your backpack off and took out the textbooks. After the next two hours of him studying his butt off, you decided it was time to wrap it up.

“Same time tomorrow and don't be late.” you said walking out into the now dark sky.

The next day Carter asked you to meet him in a cafe. You weren't sure why but you decided that a nice warm drink didn't sound too bad. So you headed over there after school and set up everything. After everything was laid out you thought it was the perfect time to order a drink before Carter got there. You ordered your usual hot beverage and were about to pay when Carter came up from behind you and told the barista “Oh and one cappuccino, thanks” he said, handing her his card. “Thanks you didn't have to do that.” Y/N smiled shyly at Carter. Maybe tutoring him wasn't going to be too bad.

“No problem, now where did we leave off on yesterday?”Carter said, actually sounding like he was excited to learn. After both of you guys got your drinks, there was less studying involved and more talking. Carter started talking to you about football and you liked how his eyes lit up when he talked about the subject. About one hour of just talking you decided that it was time to get back to studying before it got too late. Before leaving the cafe, Y/N pulled out her favorite book out of her backpack. “Here I thought you might enjoy this, it's one of my favorites.”

“Thanks, I'll let you know when I finish it. Carter said, grabbing the book from the girl and their hands slightly brushing.

A few days later you were in bed ready to go to sleep when your phone started ringing. You thought it was probably a unknown number so you let it ring, but after four rings and no signs of hanging up you decided to pick up.

“Hello” you said, sleepiness evident in your voice.

“Did I wake you up, sorry, I just wanted to let you know that I finished the book.” Carter's giddy voice was heard on the other side of the phone. His voice though had no sleep evident in it whatsoever.

“Look Carter, I don't want to sound rude but why couldn't you just wait till tomorrow to tell me, it's 12am?’ you asked him questionaly. The truth one he couldn't sleep all night, thinking about how finally things with you guys could be fixed. And he just wanted to hear your voice.

“It was a really good book and i had to tell you, i'll see you tomorrow then.” he said hanging up the phone knowing that it was a bad time to call you but glad that you picked up. He took it as a sign that maybe your friendship could be restored.

The next day you headed to school and stopped at your locker to drop some stuff off. When you were pulling stuff out of your backpack. Carter approached from behind you. “Heres your book back” Carter spoke up.

“Shit Carter, you scared me.” you said as your notebook fell to the ground.

“Sorry, just wondering if we were gonna meet up later.” Carter cluelessly asked.

“Well yeah, that's basically the agreement.” Y/N stated, kind of annoyed because he knew that they were supposed to meet mostly everyday due to the teachers orders.

She got to the cafe where she sat at the same table as last time. As she waited for Carter she took everything out . The bell above the door rang signaling the arrival of someone, and it was Carter. They exchanged their hellos and got to tutoring. After what seemed like forever of studying, Carter decided to bring up a question that seemed to be bothering him all day. “So do you have a problem tutoring me or what, cause let me just say i'm not the biggest fan of this either.”

“What do you think Carter, that I think this is a fun way to spend my time, tutoring you.” giving the word you a deeper meaning. Carter was confused on what she meant.

“You really don't remember, you pretended I didn't exist.” the girl said, feeling more vulnerable than ever.

“ You are the one who's always mad at me, you stopped talking to me, freshman year.” Carter told her, saying it in a way saying it was her fault.

"Really, on the first day of school you didn't see me down the hallway and then turn the other way.” Y/N said pleadingly. At this point it seemed that they were competing seeing who could say it in the most hurtful way possible.

“I didn't know what to say.” Carter said looking down.

“ How about hey Y/N, how's it going?” she said spitting it out a bit more harshly than she meant to. She couldn't take this right now, so she packed up her bag and headed out the door. Carter didn't really process what was going on until the ding above the door signaled that she really had left.

When you got home you heard the sound of yelling, crying, and the shattering of glass. You decided that the best option right now was just to lock yourself in your room and with your thoughts. You went to sleep listening to music and the next day you got ready for school.

As you were at your locker Carter appeared again. He saw the way that you looked tired and drained and even though you weren't on the best terms decided to ask you how you felt. “Hey, you ok?” he asked concerned.

“No offense but I really don't want to talk about my personal life with my ex best friend.” you looked at him and shrugged your shoulders. Carter understood so he wasn't mad about it.

“No tutoring today right? I'll see you in a couple days then.” he said waving goodbye. Even though you didn't really appreciate tutoring Carter you didn't really want to go home so you were kind of bummed out that there wasn't tutoring today.

Two days later there you were at the same table with the same stuff laid out in front of you. Again waiting for Carter. He walked in and took a seat. “Before we start I just wanted to make sure that you're ok.” he said, looking concerned.

A slight blush appeared on your cheeks because even though he asked you the same question two days ago he was still concerned. “Like I said before, I don't really want to talk to my ex best friend about this.”

“Well then don't think about me as your ex best friend, think about me as your therapist.” you laughed but when he didn't laugh back you knew that he was serious. “Oh you're being serious.

“Yeah I am, now tell me what's wrong.” he said, getting all serious but it didn't last long because both of you burst out laughing. You liked this, just being able to laugh with him again. Like everything was back to normal. But everything wasn’t back to normal and it probably wouldn't but in the end you were having a good time.

After that day you tutoring Carter had become less of a task and more of something that you enjoyed. It had become less stressful and you actually felt like you guys had a good chance of repairing your friendship. Maybe even having the possibility of bringing it back to how it was before. Now that's the way you felt, but you weren't sure how Carter felt. Maybe for him this was just tutoring.

Now Carter saw that maybe he was slowly breaking down your walls again. He was slowly seeing the person you were in middle school again. He liked that. But he thought that maybe you just thought that this was something you felt obligated to do and nothing else.

The next day at school Carter was talking to his friends against their lockers. You were walking towards your locker when you heard the topic of conversation. Now you weren't trying to be all up in their business and invade their privacy but it seemed like they were talking about you.

“Oh look it's your little girlfriend, you're not gonna say hi.” one of the cheerleaders said in a snarky voice. All his “friends” around him laughed at the girl's comment.

Carter thought that maybe if he went along with it, they would stop. “She isn't my type anyways, you know that all she is to me is my tutor so I can pass English and still be on the football team.”

After Carter said that you knew that you should've said no to tutoring him and just told the teacher that you were too busy. “Im so stupid, i should’ve let him fail so he could see what its like to lose something just how I lost my best friend” you told youself as you wiped a tear with your sweater sleeve.

Well now you could tell that it seemed Carter didn't feel the same about your friendship finally getting a bit better or becoming reconciled. But deep down Carter knew that everytime he saw you his face would light up and that he was slowly falling hard for you. Yet he couldn't let his friends know because he knew that if they did find out they would just tease you and he didn't want that because you didn't deserve it.

taglist: @hartsyhart (thanks for all the help kan), @patty-cake-nolan (thanks for helping me with the title), @mitch-slap (thanks for all the support always), @summerko8, @barrettshayton, @leafsxhockeywrxtes, @segsation, & @idkwhyimhere19.

#carter hart #cahtah haht #philly flyers #philadelphia flyers #hockey boys #hockey #hockey imagine #nhl imagine #i poured my heart into this #hope you guys like it #ari writes #longest one yet #hope i dont bore yall with this

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reversecreek · 3 years

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ziggy strutting up to me like this gif as i hold up a crucifix n say begone begone vile beast BEGONE from my vicinity i will NOT buy u a happy meal wretched little boy...... some live action rp to start this off..... and SCENE. takes my bow. his pinterest is here n his playlist is here.

* dylan minnette, cis male + he/him | you know ziggy benson, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of his life? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to hand crushed by a mallet by 100 gecs like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole glitching televisions impaled by remotes, nonchalantly texting the babes as a stove fire ravages your kitchen & cartoons turned up so loud it fries your eardrums thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is november 24th, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt she/her )

HISTORY;

from the second ziggy ws born he didnt stop screaming. within the first hours of his life he gave his father an ear splitting headache tht prompted him to say “that uncooked chicken’s fucking demonic” n joke abt popping “it” in the oven to roast. when this understandably received disgusted glances frm the nursing staff he ws all like “jeez alright alright i’m kiddin i’m kiddin can’t a guy have a joke around here?” n i feel like that sets up their dynamic so nice n sweetly <3 (sarcasm) (lips pursed)

frm day one he ws just honestly a rly hyperactive child. when he laughed he’d shriek it out at the absolute top of his lungs bc he’d just get this huge giddy surge of energy all the way to the very tips of his toes n it’d hit him like a shock from a fork in a plug socket. their parenting style ws rly just lazy tbh.... they didn’t have much time for disciplining him. ziggy’s mum wld halfheartedly be like “ziggy quiet now....” n then go bk to nuking whatever vegetables she’d defrosted until they tasted like dinosaur bones..... this wld not make any difference in ziggy’s behaviour

his father rly just took the stance that it ws ziggy’s mum’s job to discipline him or raise him in general which is. 🔪 please enter the 20th century sir.... get ur noggin sorted..... needless to say he wsn’t much involved in ziggy’s life n honestly generally jst didn’t like him. ziggy was a responsibility he didn’t want (accidental prregnancy) n in his literal words once said (blatantly while ziggy ws watching cartoons on the sofa) tht ziggy just “harshes my fucking vibe a lil bit”.

he wound up leaving when ziggy was six ish.... ziggy watched thru a crack in the blinds as his mum tried to grab at his jacket to make him stay as he lugged out his suitcase..... she even tried to physically cling onto him so he cldn’t get in his ride bt the door wound up slamming n she sat on her knees watching the lights pull out the drive n even long after they were gone. ziggy didn’t rly kno what to do abt this (emotions hd never been smthn he particularly understood, his own or how to handle other people’s) so after watching her fr 5 minutes he went out n gently shook her shoulder n was like. mom come inside u look weird out here. FKGHSFHGSFHKGFHKSGSFGHK. this was him trying to show love <3

ziggy’s mum is like.... rly relationship dependent. she gets all her self worth n validation frm whtever man she’s dating.... so she went on this like.... wild rampage of jst. dating a very large string of men. they ranged frm dreadfully boring to downright awful n were always below her standards. ziggy quite literally hated. all of them. every last one. even one that tried to b nice to him by offering to help him do his math homework when he ws 13 (bc ziggy was struggling a lot w this) n in response ziggy loudly barked until the man gt scared n stumbled backwards into a dining chair on his way out of the room. KGHFHKSJHFJGSHKFG

while him n his mum hv a kind of strained situation (there’s a great deal of resentment from her end n kind of. blaming him fr “driving his father away” n it’s never spoken abt bt it’s very much Present in their relationship n honestly ziggy kind of resents her too fr bringing some of the men into their lives tht she did) there is. love there...... sometimes she’ll like. reach out to cup the back of his head n he’ll duck his head away n be like wtf are u doing checking me for lice? n she’ll jst smile like :)...... knowing that’s how he loves. KHSFGKJGHKSFGFHKGSHF. ugh we love men who know how to process their emotions yesssss king give us nothing <3

(abuse n violence tw) idk i won’t go into it too much bt even tho ziggy’s constantly like 🙄 when his mum shows him affection he wld quite literally. kill fr her n almost did one time.......... narrowly avoided getting charged w assault when one of her bfs was drunk n evil n he went into protective mode.... idk he. has gone thru a lot n seen a lot n so has his mum. they look after each other the best they kno how despite the negatives in their relationship.... it’s complex <3

literally got in trouble so. often. at school. he ws always hyperactive (undiagnosed adhd n also probably not helped by the fact he ws jst allowed to eat sm junk food w 459729457952 sugar percentage all hours of the day) bt when his dad left n like. dealing w acting out so severely at home where his mum’s bfs were concerned it rly escalated..... i jst think he ws like. literally a terror. probably got suspended so many times. maybe even was permanently expelled before he cld get his diploma honestly. set off a firework in school hallway. smthn absolutely reckless n stupid.

hs hd a bunch of jobs mostly in the service industry...... usually ends up getting fired.... worked at mcdonald’s fr a while n then one day he went in rly high n ate three cheeseburgers in front of a weeping child who hd ordered one.... promptly gt fired bt he ws like yo fuck this place i’m quitting n threw off his apron n was like who’s with me??? who’s joining the union??????? to the rest of the staff n they were all mostly like >_> <_< before security approached to forcibly remove him n he grabbed a cookie n crammed it into his mouth in rebellion mid frantic n frankly possessed escape.....

in terms of wht’s going on to this day w his living situation i honestly think he still lives w his mum. i can just see this. KHGFSKGHSFGKSFGH. in like. a ramshackle bungalow in delphinus heights.... having said tht she probably isn’t. there tht often nw she’s dating her latest man (jonas, somehow always sweaty no matter the weather, wears too many gold rings n smells like shoe cleaner) who owns a car dealership n thinks he’s a kingpin for it. still home sometimes tho.

PERSONALITY:

ziggy spends his days working shifts at an ice cream parlour (one he got fired from once bc he broke in high n ate sm ice cream he was lay on the floor in the bk pants unbuttoned stomach bulging sm calling himself garfield saying he had too much lasagna. they hired him bk tho bc he has a harem of middle aged women who lust after him n it brings customers....) or like. cruising parties...... setting off fireworks.... skateboarding...... breaking into abandoned buildings.... filming stupid jackass type tricks....... playing guitar hero...... getting drunk at the arcade..... sometimes busking fr cash in a tossed dwn hat (very badly) (thinks he’s sick at it however)........ or alternatively...... fucking chicks aha...... fuck.......... not exclusive to chicks tho just had to sound despicable bt :smirk: he’s bi Baby....

i won’t lie he’s kind of an asshole................ never rly was taught properly how to empathise with ppl so like he struggles w that....... sometimes he’ll say smthn tht’s genuinely just quite mean n doesn’t need to be said but he doesn’t rly realise it’s like bad. n he’s like. what’s the deal haha why are u mad......

fuckboy. genuinely jst. rly summarises it well. insatiable. sleeps around wildly. will say he’ll call u back n then will not call u back. lies like oh babe i’m moving to france tomorrow fuckkkkkkkkk sucks so bad that we can only have one night but let’s make it special yeah? tits? n then they’ll see him casually skating past them on the street a week later n be like well clearly he’s not in france. ziggy doesn’t care.

calls himself a “genius inventor” bc he once gutted a vintage analog television n made it into a fish tank. it literally leaked water a bit. still convinced he is a literal visionary never seen before never done again. he’s like i’m on the brink of greatness. i’m the next einstein.

has a bit of a god complex where he thinks he’s the sexiest person in any given room n it’s kind of funny bc like dylan minnette’s sexy to me bt tht isn’t a widespread opinion n ur being a bit bold ziggy...... regardless has confidence thru the roof tht isn’t rly deterred by anything or anyone.....

dyes his hair 49729572459752 colours every colour under the sun. sometimes all at once jst different patches. wears lots of tie dye tshirts n basketball shorts even tho he doesn’t play basketball. rly colourful sneakers. just lots of loud colours tbh. often wears a paper clip in his ear as an earring. pierced it himself. someone probably recorded him doing it fr his insta story. probably was drunk.

drives a vespa around tht is baby blue with pastel yellow polka dots. it has lots of tin cans attached to the back by string like on those cars when u just got married. he did not just get married. u can hear him arriving frm over a street away.

almost never pays fr anything bt is always like “yo it’s my treat” n then either dine n dashes or u have to pay

his idea of romance is nuking a hot pocket as breakfast in bed n then complaining he’s hungry n eating half

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

fuckboy antics: he’s insatiable. rabid. notorious. mayb they fkd n he didn’t call........ jst completely ghosted........ mayb they were genuinely into him n he honestly built up kind of false pretences abt them having a connection n then jst dipped..... cld b good fr angst n drama <3 someone please egg his house he deserves it <3

high skl heathens: locals tht were equally chaotic in hs..... just picture him having this group of misfits tht were like so loud n always getting up to no good doing god knows what god knows where.... probably gt arrested together breaking into an old abandoned hospital one time........... rly just doing the absolute most at all times............. probably so loud........... drinking n smoking far too much.....

an attempted teenage relationship: i’m like. tentative to even put this one bc i just feel like ziggy wld be a shit bf. KJHGFSHGFHGSFHGFKGHFKSG. but. maybe it ended in drama.....i’d say this wld probably be a girl bc in hs he probably ws less open w his sexuality... maybe ziggy cheated on her or she cheated on him................ angst........ strife.... we love it we love it........ i crash my car into the bridge... i don’t care... i love it... sudden icona pop moment me stood on stage singing karaoke.... it’s just gone 7am as i write this so i apologise if this is losing any. coherency. smiles so sexy....

last adolescent plot i swear: i picture when ziggy was expelled he somehow amassed a large group to protest w signs outside the school fr him to be accepted back. it didn’t work. he threw a party when he received news he hadn’t got back in anyway. maybe ur muse was involved or helped organise this or was violently opposed.

enemies: ppl who just. don’t like ziggy bc like honestly that’s so fair n valid. KJHGFKGHKSFGHSGKHSFHG..... mayb he like. exploded their mailbox one time when they were younger. mayb he skated over their toes. mayb he fucked their bitch aha fuck................. (joking btw) (don’t condone misogyny) (hashtag feminism). cld be fun to play around w

fwb: probably hs a few of these......... mayb they’re cool w things being no strings attached n lax n at ease w ziggy being the mess tht he is in general..... mayb they want more bt ziggy cannot provide...... mayb they literally don’t get on at all n this is their only mutual ground n they keep coming bk to each other.... :smirk:..... whatever u Farncy....

maybe ziggy’s mum dated ur muse’s dad at one point???? we can discuss this if u think it fits..... cld be fun to play around w............

coworkers: past or present r fun..... mayb they were like WTFFF is this guy fking ONNN at a past job (he’s had a few in the food service industry so pretty open in tht area)... mayb they work w him at the ice cream parlour now..... cn discuss the dynamic probably wld be dependent on the muse involved fr like. how he’d act n stuff.... :yum:

#irvingintro #abuse tw #violence tw #believe tht's all....

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jadondonsancho · 4 years

Text

12 Days Of Christmas- Day 3

Deck The Halls- Anyone you’d Like

The house was a mess, boxes everywhere. Some were his but most you’d brought with you when you moved in. The tree you’d both gone to pick out looking a little oversized in the living room but you loved it, and now came the small task of decorating.

The Christmas music was playing, the fire was burning and the mug in your hands was sending warmth through you. You eyed the tree closely, thinking and planning.

“Okay”, he sighed heavily behind you, “that’s all of them”

“Great!”, you turned, smiling as you scanned the mess of the living room. “lets get started shall we!”, you said enthusiastically, you’d been looking forward to this for ages, having moved in together 6 months ago, decorating the house together had been something you’d thought about quite a lot. But as per usual things didn’t exactly go to plan.

“so first things first, we need lights”, you said, immediately beginning to search through boxes.

‘Uhmmm...these ones?”, he asked holding up a ball of knotted lights, a mix of about four different strands. He eyed them suspiciously before raising an eyebrow at you.

“you’re kidding me”, you let out a deep sigh, there was literally nothing worse. “okay you get started on that and I’ll start looking for the decorations I need”

A good 20 minutes and a whole lot of complaining later, he’d finally managed to untangle one of the strands. In that time you’d laid out the specific baubles and tree decorations you wanted, always meticulous when it came to Christmas.

“Okay let me grab the ladder and then you can pass me the lights so I can string them onto the tree”, he said, finally getting enthusiastic as he no longer had to untangle lights.

Slowly you stated working away, handing him the lights as he wrapped them around the tree. The two of you chatting idly as Christmas songs played in the background.

“right, plug them in and see if any areas need more lights before I put this away”, he said gesturing towards the ladder.

You made your way to the base of the tree, grabbing the end of the string of lights and threading it towards the outlet nearby. “uhm babe? Slight problem...this is the broken outlet, we didn’t get it fixed yet right?”, you questioned. The outlet had blown a couple of weeks ago when you had plugged in new lamp you’d bought, plunging the house into darkness.

“oh fuck, yeah okay don’t plug it in there, it’ll blow the electrics again”, he replied.

“well yeah obviously” you scoffed “let me see if it reaches the other one”

It didn’t.

“well what the fuck do we do now?” you said, more to yourself than anything else. A little irritated by the inconvenience.

“relax” he laughed, “we have an extension cord”

He made his way down the ladder and out the living room, returning a few seconds later with the cord, much longer than needed but it would have to do for now.

“here”, he said handing you the one end, before plugging the other side into the wall. “light er up baby”, he exclaimed, laughing to himself.

The tree lit up instantly, a warm orangey glow filling the space.

I love it already!”, you exclaimed.

“yeah of course you do”, he said coming up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder.

“What do we do about this though?” you questioned pointing towards the extension cord.

“what about it? It works”, he replied

“yeah it works but I really want to plug it in that one so we need to get it fixed” he responded

“babe its fine the way it is, we don’t need that outlet right now”

“I’m not saying right now but I don’t particularly want an extension cord running through the whole house for a month” you sighed, “I’m gonna trip over it, you know me”

“well I’m a footballer not an electrician so i dont know what you want me to do about it at the moment”, he said

“seriously? I didnt say you need to fix it i just said we need to get it fixed. Like i said, not right now but I’m not having that extension cord the way it is until christmas.”

“okay, fair enpugh, ill call an electrician in the morning” he said, putting an end to the little argument, “can we please not have a domestic about godamn christmas lights and just get on with the tree?”

You laughed at that, the exasperated tone in his voice as if he really couldn’t believe you were at the point in your relationship where christmas lights cause arguments, but honestly there wasn’t anyone you’d rather want to be doing it with.

And thus began the evening you’d imagined. Careful decorating, stolen kisses and warm mugs. You directing as he placed some here and there, him lifting you up to place some higher up, ditching the ladder because he though it’d be funny. The christmas music now replaced by a movie, Elf playing for the 5th time so far this christmas.

A good three hours later and you two were finally done, him lifting you on his shoulders so you could place the star on the top.

“wow”, you said, taking a step back, admiring the beauty. You couldn’t quite find the words to describe the feeling of seeing your christmas tree all lit up in the living room of the house you shared with the love of your life. The feeling was magical as you stood together admiring the tree.

“well that only took 3 hours, 5 arguments and for us to make a complete mess of the living room”, he laughed

“shut up! Its pretty though so it was all worth it”, you couldn’t hold back your laugh either.

“all worth seeing how happy it makes you to be honest”, he said looking down at you, the christmas lights reflecting in his sincere eyes. You leant up for a kiss, a passionate but thoughtful one before murmuring a gentle “thank you” against his lips.

He smiled, “okay now comes the best part< cleaning up!” he sighed sarcastically, scanning the carnage of the living room.

“babe!” he said quickly.

“what?”

“you forgot the tinsel!” he was excitedly opening up a box you had purposely pushed to the other end of the room.

I dint ‘forget’ anything”, you said eyeing him carefully, “put that tacky string anywhere near my tree and i swear to god and breaking up with you”

Your words were threating but your tone playful.

“oh my god okay, disposing of it immediately!” he retorted, equally as playful.

The evening may not have gone totally to plan but in the end it was better than you could have ever imagined.

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jawnjendes · 5 years

Text

the truth hurts but secrets kill | shawn mendes

chapter 8/?, university au, shawn x goth oc

AN: lol the taglist didnt work on my last chapter so if you havent read but i’ll show you my teeth pls do eet. anyways this chapter is an angsty buildup full of angst. my specialty.

***let me know if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist

masterlist | playlist coming soon

"Where do you live?" Annalise asked for what felt like the thousandth time.

"Do you even think she's capable of answering?" Patrick said, his arm supporting Alessia's waist as he helped her stumble down the university road.

The Lyft to campus went without any major issue. Alessia did not puke in the car, she merely leaned against the door in the backseat. Annalise had gotten annoyingly chatty with the driver, talking about childhood trauma and the inevitability of death. She claimed it was practice for when she's a real therapist, though the driver was trying to focus on the road. Patrick left the driver a generous tip through the app.

The three of them were left just close enough to the dorms, but there was still a walk to be had, and it felt like it was taking centuries with how much Alessia slowed them down. Annalise kept looking around at the dark surroundings as they paced with her pocket knife in hand. Alessia mumbled something incoherent, her head lolling from side to side.

"I've never heard of that building, where is it?" Annalise asked her.

"Dude, you're gonna have to take her back to your place," Patrick told her. "I don't even think she knows her own name."

With a reluctant sigh, Annalise closed her pocket knife and wrapped her arm around the smaller girl's waist. They were approaching the corner where she and Patrick would typically part ways. Alessia noticed the shift and leaned all her weight into Annalise, mumbling under her rancid breath. It wasn't her first time babysitting a drunk toddler, but that doesn't mean she likes doing it.

Patrick was kind enough to walk the two girls up to Annalise's dorm. Alessia was swaying ominously in the elevator, like she wanted to be cradled like a baby. She was definitely ready for bed.

"Ya casi, mi vida," Annalise said as they stumbled down the third floor corridor.

"Why do you call her that?" Patrick asked. "’Me veeda.’ Isn't that what you would call your boyfriend?"

"It's the same thing as a waitress would call you sweetie or something," she replied. "Or the way you'd talk to a toddler. A drunk one."

She managed to pull her key from her back pocket and give it to Patrick. He unlocked the appropriate door, and the three of them were met with more people and more loud music.

Apparently, Stella hadn't planned on staying alone this Saturday night. She was on the armchair, with Camila squished in right next to her. They weren't alone, either. Shawn and Brian were on the couch, each holding a beer. All four of them stared at the two goths holding the short normie up on two feet.

"Oh my god, you're right on time!" Stella exclaimed. "Shawn's working on an EP! He's giving a us a preview! And he made another duet with Camila!"

"Este guey se puso peda," Annalise said with mild snark, gesturing to the girl on her arm. "I'm gonna put her down."

"You're gonna kill her?" Patrick asked, his blue eyes wide. "Damn, I didn't know you hated her that much!"

"Shut up, I brought her here, didn't I?"

She did not look at the guests on the couch as she carefully led Alessia to her bedroom. She ignored Patrick starting up a conversation with everyone. She had things to do, and it was hard enough with her fluffy mind racing.

"There we go, my dear," she said as she sat the intoxicated girl on the bed. "Acuestate, mija. Tomorrow's gonna suck, but you can rest now."

She patted Alessia's head before moving to take off her sneakers. Then, Annalise took her phone from her jacket pocket and plugged it into the charger on then nightstand. Before she could sigh in relief that they all made it back alive, she heard a voice at the door.

"Hey, you."

When Annalise turned to face him, it was like a million fireworks went off at once. Her entire body froze in the best way, and the air in her lungs was knocked out of her. He's even prettier in person.

"Someone have too much fun?" he asked, nodding towards the now sleeping Alessia.

Annalise could not tear her eyes away from his face long enough to think of an answer. All she wanted to do was stare at him for the rest of eternity.

Then, Patrick came up from behind Shawn, an amused grin on his face. "Bro, she's high as a kite right now."

Shawn looked confused for a moment and then turned to him. "Ann doesn't smoke."

"She used to all the fucking time last year." Patrick was still grinning. "She wanted to have fun tonight, so I gave her a hit of my pen."

"So you drugged her up, eh?"

"Bro-"

"I'm not your bro. Don't you care about her health at all? Don't you remember she was in the hospital a couple of months ago?"

The grin faded. "I care about her and her freedom. Not that I have to explain that to you." Patrick excused himself.

Annalise heard every word, but her wide eyes were still on Shawn. She was stepping towards him before she even realized, and then her arms were going around his middle. He was still warm and soft and he smelled good. It was like personified crack. Annalise smiled as her head rested on his chest. "I love you, my baby."

Shawn hesitated, but he hugged her back. "Love you too." Then he pulled back, his hands on her shoulders. "Where are you gonna sleep?"

"The couch." Annalise's fingers were gripping the back of his t-shirt.

"You sure? Wouldn't you rather come stay with me? I'm leaving soon anyway."

Annalise giggled so much her voice squeaked. But she frowned almost instantly. "Don't be like Chad."

"Who's Chad?"

"No one important. I think sober Annalise is gonna be mad at you."

"What? Why?"

She pointed to the sleeping girl on the bed. "That one told high Annalise some things. Sober Annalise might not even remember, but if she does, she'll probably talk to you on check in day. Like, actual talking this time."

"Why can't we talk now?" Shawn asked. "I think high-you will be more understanding than sober-you."

"High Annalise is stupidly in love with you. We'll get nowhere, my dear."

He chewed the inside of his cheek as he gazed down at her. "Yeah, you always call me cute names when you're on drugs. Like that time in the hospital. And all those times you got high with me. Oh wait…" he trailed off. "Every time I asked you to smoke with me you said you didn't trust me enough. But tonight you trusted somebody else, eh?"

She giggled. "I knew you'd be mad at me too. We have much to talk about, baby boy."

In theory, the reason for Alessia's disappearance the following morning would be that she remembered the tea she spilled upon waking up and now she wanted to avoid the wrath of the goth girlfriend. In reality, she wouldn't be entirely wrong.

Even after sleeping for twelve hours, Annalise couldn't get those bits of forbidden information out of her head. She had dreams about catching Shawn and Alessia having really loud sex, but she woke up to hear her roommate doing exactly that. Then, she had a recurring dream of Shawn admitting to cheating on her, except this time he had twelve versions of Henry the orange tabby surrounding him. The last dream she remembered having was one where she ended up back in the hospital, and that she was given no anesthesia for her surgery. She had her stomach removed, and she watched every drop of blood and guts come out of the gaping hole in her body.

She woke with a start after every one of these vivid dreams. Maybe it was the after effects of being stoned, but she felt uneasy for that whole day. She typically binged to her heart's content, but the hospital dream was still on her mind. She allowed herself to have a Lunchables, but not much else.

Then, Monday rolled around and Annalise found it difficult to act like a person. She got out of bed, had an unsatisfying breakfast. She did it, and that's the only thing that matters right? Screw all the other feelings. The paranoia she felt after the Abnormal Psych lecture about eating disorders doesn't matter. The impending embarrassing discomfort from sitting alone at a table in Bio Lab doesn't matter either. Who cares about the sad ache in her chest after seeing Shawn and Alessia leave their class together? Who cares if they're still in high spirits even though they knew that Annalise knew? Who cares?

Annalise doesn't, that's for damn sure. She was perfectly fine. She pushed herself out of bed today even though she wanted nothing more than to induce a coma on herself. Who cares if she still felt shitty after?

Although, she was putting off the impending chat with Shawn until check in on Saturday. He had to know it was coming, why else would he just stop texting her?

Unless he's already with Alessia, and therefore playing me like a violin. Maybe Shawn was just ignoring me to make me go crazy.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Annalise whispered as she put on her headphones. She was glad she caught herself slipping, she didn't want the wide-eyed crazies on display as she walked out of the Social Studies building.

Her steps were slower and more careful as she picked a song to play from her phone. After settling for Halsey, she pulled out her black, round sunglasses and put them on. Gotta hide them nightmare eyes.

Maybe… perhaps… I need to check in earlier than normal?

"Don't be stupid," she told herself.

It wouldn't hurt though, would it? Maybe he would be happy to see me since I would be breaking my own rule. Unless, of course, he's hanging around Alessia again. Perhaps he doesn't care anymore.

The only solution Annalise had was to dump herself on the couch in the dorm and play Tetris 99 until the thoughts and feelings sorted themselves out.

When Stella came home, she knew the drill. She sat on the couch and ranted about her day. She rambled on about her fascist history professor and the lack of a GSA club on campus. Then, she mentioned a Halloween party coming up at one of the frat houses, and that she needed a hot costume.

It was the month where Annalise and all her spooky darkness was socially acceptable, and she couldn't even be excited about it. A different type of darkness was taking over, and it was stupid that it was over a boy. Why did she have to be so dramatic? Why was she so goddamn crazy?

"I'll pick your costume," she said over Stella's rambling.

She paused, her brilliant hazel eyes wide. To say she was surprised that Annalise cracked so fast would be an understatement. But she smiled. "Would you? Ooo, can I pick yours?"

"Ah, I don't think I'm gonna do anything for Halloween this year."

"What? But it's your favorite holiday! You need to come to this party with me! Buddy system, remember?"

"Is that the only reason-"

"Of course not, you dummy! We haven't spent enough time together since the semester started! Let's go find some costumes, yeah? I'll even let you dress me up as scary as you want!"

Stella's a good friend. Annalise should really try harder to spend time with her. Why didn't she try to be a good friend in return?

They went to the local costume store that Friday. It gave Annalise a wonderful excuse to not go to the gaming club meeting. She really did not want to reflect on the Bart adventure, or see just how bad she fucked up Chad's nose.

After returning to campus with a dark but still cute witch costume, Stella was summoned to Camila's dorm. She thanked Annalise for the lovely costume choice and practically abandoned her. Annalise couldn't find it in her to really care. It was only a few more hours until Saturday.

She had barely settled herself on the couch when her phone buzzed. For the first time this week, Shawn had texted her. Annalise held her phone up, staring blankly at the screen. Her heart should be pounding right now, shouldn't it?

"Hey, I know check in is tomorrow but I can't make it at our usual time. I have a gig tomorrow night. You should come and we can talk after."

The next text was the address to the lounge he would be performing at.

Any other time, Annalise would have been happy to know Shawn was performing again. But he cancelled on her, knowing that he was in trouble. Is that what it took for him to start booking shows again? Was this just an elaborate way to avoid Annalise? Perhaps this was just some form of reverse psychology so she wouldn't go to the gig.

You can't psych out a psychology major. Of course Annalise was going to this gig.

However, she had a mostly sleepless night, really unable to shake the fact that Shawn was probably avoiding her. When she finally did sleep, she slept too much. Annalise woke up in the afternoon and was late for work. She had planned to ask if she could leave early, but she didn't dare try anything now. The gig was at eight, when her shift ended. She ended up going to the lounge in her work uniform, a button up with the dealership name on, and baggy slacks. Not exactly the sexy outfit she had planned during the late hours of insomnia.

The show had already started by the time she got there. As she was showing her ID to the bouncer, she heard Shawn's voice over the mic, and she felt something for the first time in days. Her stomach felt tight as she slowly stepped into the lounge.

The turnout was decent. Every single table and bar stool was occupied, and all eyes were on the band performing on the stage. Annalise looked around for any empty space; She wasn't dressed her best but she did want to be anywhere but against the wall opposite the stage. Her eyes spotted the group of people standing directly in front of the stage.

It was the normal group of girls who swooned every time Shawn blinked, but there were also three other girls that Annalise knew all too well. They were jumping and singing along to Lost in Japan, not a single care in the world. Annalise wondered why Stella didn't tell her that she was going to this event, but the way she looked at Camila as they sang to each other said enough. Maybe they chose Alessia to be their new third wheel too. So Alessia was too embarrassed to face Annalise, but not Shawn?

Annalise always stood in the back of every one of Shawn's shows, knowing she would stick out like a sore thumb in the midst of the usual fangirls. Not that that's a bad thing, it just wasn't her usual place to be. She figured that showing up at all would be enough.

Perhaps Shawn already had enough. Three of his friends were already cheering him on, and surely he had more of them scattered in the audience. Not to mention, the people here that didn't know him were going to adore him by the end of the night. Besides, Shawn most likely invited her as a ploy to get her to turn it down. She wasn't needed here. Annalise chewed the inside of her lip as she back up towards the exit. She stepped outside, away from the people trying to get in, and she pulled her phone out. She composed a new text:

"Hey, I'm drowning in work so I won't make it to your show. I'll meet you at your place later so we can talk🖤"

_______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @1-800-khalid-mendussy @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @poppyshawn @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @ruinhoney @someoneunimportantxx @calyumthomas @yourdeflightfullyleft @havethetimeeofyourlifee @shawmndes @wronglanemendes @chillingbythesea

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #shawn x goth gf #yaint ready for the next chapter lol #im not even ready #it was so draining to write omg

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stinkyies · 6 years

Text

realized i can't not be with you

rating: pg-13

word count: 3,887

summary: dan and phil are crew members on fall out boys tour

notes: i had to scrap my original fic idea bc it was kicking my ass and i didnt think i would be able to finish it and i never wrote something that long before so i wrote this instead in about a week and i would love to thank @yourfriendlyblogstalker for being my beta (for both fics) and having to deal with my shitty grammar (for both fics like this girl deserves a medal) written for @phandomficfests tour fic fest

ao3 link

Fall Out Boy, Mania Tour, US 2017

“Soundcheck on Hold Me Tight. Is the band ready?” Marianne, Fall Out Boy’s stage manager asks.

The four men on stage look at each other and give her the thumbs up. As she turns away from them, she squints up at the lighting and sound booth that is so far away from where she is standing.

“Lighting, are you ready?” She asks into her headset.

“One sec,” Phil replies into the microphone in the booth, pressing and turning some buttons and dials on the board, “one of the controls isn't working but I almost got it.”

She rolls her eyes and even though Phil can’t see her from the side of the stage, he could sense that she did it. She changes the channel of her mic and says something as she flips through the pages of her clipboard. She changes her channel back to reach the booth at the back.

“Sound, are you ready?”

“Yeah just helping Phil with the lights,” Tyler says while fiddling around with some of the wires.

“Tyler if you're on sound, why the hell are you helping with lighting. Literally, the one thing you said you couldn't do tech-wise at your job interview was lighting.”

“Chill, I'm literally just handing him the wires, I think I can manage that.”

“You better be able to manage it.”

Tyler and Marianne have this whole bit where they pretend to hate each other but they would probably take a bullet for the other. The little time they have known each other somehow created this insane friendship that Phil wishes he had. Well, he obviously has friends, but he never really found someone he was able to click with like they had. Tyler and Marianne are practically soulmates without the actual romantic love involved. Maybe Phil’s just that lonely.

Just then, a tall man with a mess of brown curls comes running up to the booth holding a box with a bunch of wires hanging out of it.

“I found a bunch of these in the back of the venue.”

“Dan, did you steal those wires?”

“No, Tyler, I simply took them without permission. Besides I can just put them back after the show is finished.”

Dan doesn't realize how close he's standing to the booth microphone because suddenly, Dan admitting he stole like $2,000 in lighting equipment is loudly echoing off of the walls. He's pretty sure most of the venue staff heard him say it.

“DAN, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO?” Marianne screams so loudly that she doesn’t need to talk into her mic. It’s practically as loud as Dan’s theft confession. Meanwhile, the band on stage is practically laughing their asses off. They are lying down on the ground clutching their stomachs because this is too goddamn awkward and it shouldn't be this funny but… it is.

“Well, the system needs an 850P wire and our only one broke so I found a box and…. Ya know…. Just snagged one?”

“Dan, Phil just said the controls aren't working. He didn't say we need a new wire.”

“Yeah but it wasn't working because it wasn't the correct wire,” Dan pushes Phil and Tyler out of the way. “I got this.” Dan rummages through the box and pulls out the correct one. It’s tangled with a bunch of other wires. “I can't get this unknotted. Phil, can you help me?” Phil nods and grabs the wire where Dan is holding it. Their hands brush together. Well barely brush together but Phil swears he felt something electric. Then again, it might have been the wire. Phil unknots it and hands it back to Dan.

“Thanks,” Dan says with a smile. A smile that makes Phil weak in the knees. A smile that you can’t not fall in love with. As Dan turns back and rearranges the wires, Phil is blushing like a teenager. Tyler looks at Phil and smiles as he rolls his eyes. Tyler beckons Phil to bend down and he whispers in his ear that “we need to talk at lunch.” Phil nods and looks back at Dan. Dan plugs in the wire, plays with some dials, and lights turn on.

“Finally!” Dan's smile is huge. Phil thinks it's adorable that Dan is getting this excited about stealing a wire and fixing the system. He’s always found Dan attractive, since the start of the tour, but since Dan switched from sound to lighting, he's all Phil can think about. Before Dan would just be backstage playing with the amp volumes. Now he's in the booth with Phil and Tyler. Phil already knows one thing about the curly haired man.

He's fucking gone for him.

They have an hour for lunch so Phil and Tyler decide to walk to a diner with a few other people. And Dan. Phil had to drag Dan along because Dan just wanted some pizza but he convinced him to come with them. Dan agreed but some of the other people in the group wanted Dan to join them and Phil let him go. He didn't really know the other people so well but he wanted Dan there in case he got the courage to talk to him. Besides him and Tyler needed to talk anyway.

About him.

The second they both sit down at their little table, Tyler starts to talk. After the waitress took their order of course.

“How long?”

“How long… what?”

“Phil, stop trying to divert the question. C'mon,” he lightly shoves Phil in the shoulder. “Spill.”

“I mean I always kinda liked him but… this is the first time I get to actually interact with him without having to actually go up to him?”

“I'm ashamed of myself. I usually catch on to these things quickly.”

“I am good at hiding myself.”

“That's why literally everyone thought you were straight until you said you wanted to fuck Thor a little too loudly that night.”

“Don't remind me. They still don’t stop tormenting me,” Phil says putting his hands in his face over-dramatically.

“On the bright side Dan was into that, I think.”

“You really think Dan is gay?”

“Not gay because Jordan walked in on Lexi the intern giving him a blowjob the day before tour started but I would definitely say bi or something.”

“Do you think he's still with Lexi?”

“Nah they don't talk much- it was totally a one night stand. You'd be fine.”

Phil is about to open his mouth and say something but he is interrupted by the waitress bringing over their drinks. She walks away and Phil just looks down at his cup of soda, still feeling disappointed. And very discouraged. He traces the rim of the cup with his finger.

“What if he only thinks of me as a one night stand?”

“Then you have to make it more than a one night stand.”

“Does Dan seem like the type of guy that would only be into one night stands?”

“Nah he's a softie. Trust me. I dated a guy who was only into to hookups and it did not end well.”

“How do you even date someone who is only into casual sex?”

“You don't.”

Phil looks across the restaurant. His eyes land on the body that is sticking up from the booth the most, because of his height. With those fucking brown curls he just wants to thread his fingers through. Dan is smiling and laughing at what someone said. Fuck. Phil would love to be the cause of that smile. Dan's eyes travel upwards and settle on Phil’s. He gives a slight wave to Phil then focuses his attention back at the people he's sitting with.

“Maybe you should go over and talk to him.”

“With all of those people around? No thanks, I think that would kind of ruin the point.”

Without saying a word, Tyler grabs his drink and gets out of the booth. He walks over to Dan and whispers something in his ear. Dan gives people at the table a wink and one looks at Phil and his friends start to make kissy faces at him. Dan rolls his eyes, grabs his drink and trades seats with Tyler.

“Tyler said something about wanting to work on lighting ideas?”

“Did he actually?”

“What answer are you looking for mate?”

“The one he wants,” Phil replied flatly while gesturing at Tyler.

Dan gives a little smirk and sits down across from him. From the outside, Phil looks calm and composed, maybe a little red, but on the inside he’s chaos. At least at the lighting booth, Tyler is there with the both of them to keep Phil from doing anything stupid. Besides, it's dark during the actual show so Phil would be able to hide his face from Dan and during the show it's loud. Very loud. If Phil says anything strange there's a good chance it will be gone in favor of a stadium full of screaming fans. Here he can't. Here he is sitting right across from him under very bright fluorescent lights. Anything little he says or does, it’s on full display for Dan. He loves this and hates it at the same time. Dan seems very relaxed. Like a friend who just wanted to talk to him about his lighting idea. Phil knows there's a part of him that knows that was just a setup to get them to talk. But he doesn't mention it. Obviously.

“Really why did he call me over? You're a bad liar, Lester.”

Fuck. He knows. Phil knows he is a horrible liar but secretly hopes that Dan is too oblivious to realize. Why does he always go after the ones with common sense?

“Just wanna get to know you, that's all.”

Dan gives him this look like he is disappointed in him. Well not really in him but more in his flirting skills. Phil has never been the best at flirting- usually, he awkwardly fumbles with his words until the person talking to him would get frustrated and walk away. He wishes he could be better at it but the best flirting technique with the best person at flirting ever- isn’t enough to get the man of his dreams to like him.

“What do you need to know?”

“Just the casual stuff. Friends hobbies, etc,” If you're single. “Like I wanna be on a first name basis.”

“This is your way of making friends? No normal conversation?” Dan’s being a cocky shit and he knows it, and he isn't trying to be mean to Phil, just trying to tease him. But it still hurt Phil’s feelings a little bit. Dan sees a flash of pain across Phil’s face.

“Hey, I didn't mean it like that. I was just joking- sorry. I guess. Fuck. Normally I'm better at this.” Better at this. Better at this? What the fuck did that mean? Did that mean the way I think it meant? Question after question start forming in Phil's brain at rapid fire. A smirk starts to creep up on his face.

“Better at what?”

“Don't play dumb Lester.” Two can play at that game.

“Better at flirting with cute boys?”

Dan's face quickly drains of its color. And not in the good way. Not in the my crush is admitting that he likes me kind of way. More in the I have just seen a ghost type of way. Dan quickly stands up, walks over to his original table, takes out his wallet and throws $10 down, and practically runs out of the restaurant.

Everyone sitting at Dan's original table is staring at Phil. Phil is staring back at them. What the fuck just happened? Tyler sees what happened and walks back to Phil and sits down.

“What the hell just happened Phil?!”

“I'm trying to figure it out myself.”

Tyler gives him a look that says you better fucking tell me because this is your one shot at getting him back and you better not waste it.

“So I was trying? To flirt with him?”

“Wow, Phil so descriptive. Really helps me, I totally know how to fix your problem.”

Phil explains to Tyler about what just happened between him and Dan. When he gets to the last part, Tyler's eyes go wide.

“YOU WHAT?!”

“Shhh Tyler we’re in a restaurant, stop screaming.”

“Phil, that's the last thing you ask when flirting, NOT THE FIRST.”

“Why didn't you tell me that?”

“You told me you have had boyfriends in the past, I thought you would know shit like this by now.”

Phil shrugs his shoulders sadly. “Guess not.” He looks down and the waitress brings over their food. They both thank her as she puts it down and walks away. Tyler starts eating his burger happily while Phil just pokes at his waffles.

“Not hungry Phil?”

“Not anymore, lost my appetite I guess.” Phil pauses before continuing. “Tyler, I just want to know why he reacted the way he did.”

“Maybe its been a while since he has dated a boy. Maybe he's never actually had a boyfriend before.” Maybe he doesn't want to be outed like that.“There's a lot of reasons.”

“But when I have gone on dates with blokes, that's never happened.”

“Do the guys know it’s a date?” “Yes, obviously.”

“Did Dan know?”

“I don't know, considering you asked him to come over.” Phil knew he was being an ass but he is mad about Tyler playing a role in driving away his crush.

“I thought you knew how to flirt not whatever the hell that was.”

“What did you whisper to Dan?”

“I told him that you wanted to talk to him about lights and I emphasized the word talk. I didn't say anything stupid, Phil.”

Phil puts his head in his hands. “I can't believe I messed this whole thing up!”

Tyler walks over to Phil’s side of the table and places a comforting hand on his back. “It’s okay Phil, there's an easy way to fix this.”

“What?”

“Actually talking about it.”

“Tyler that's what got us into this whole mess. I doubt that’s how it's gonna get us out.”

“I mean talk to him, not flirt, dipshit.”

“I just want to win him back.”

“Phil, you never had him to begin with.”

Phil shot him a dirty glare. “Ok fine, you can win him back.” Tyler put air quotes around on ‘back’. Phil gave him a smile.

“What do I say to him?”

“Just have an actual conversation: apologize about the comment, explain that you wanna go out him,” Tyler leaned close to him, “ask him out, be cute, if he says no, be sweet.” Tyler leaned out and into his previous position, “and just like be a normal human being. Think you can manage that?”

“Not really.”

“Then you're set!”

Back at the arena, Phil finds Dan toying around on the switchboard, turning the stage area pink, to green, to red, to blue, to any color available. Phil taps him on the shoulder and Dan turns around. His facial expression was neutral until he saw that Phil was standing behind him. His line of a mouth turned into something of a frown, eyes squinting.

“What do you want Phil?”

“I just want to talk.”

“Are you gonna screw that up again?” Phil brushes Dan’s slightly harsh comment off, but it still hit him a tiny bit.

“I want to apologize about earlier.” Dan scans Phil’s body, up and down, and without saying a word, drags Phil by the arm out of the booth, through the venue, and into a little janitors closet near one of the stage entrances. He slams the door behind him and turns on the one light that hangs down from the ceiling. Even though Dan is pretty pissed off, the soft yellow light frames his face and hair perfectly.

“Talk.”

“Alright um.. So I.. so..” Phil was slightly nervous before but he was able to cover it up. But now he can't even get out a word without freezing up. Phil is shaking and Dan could probably tell. Not really because of the light, but because they are standing so close together. Phil’s not even sure if his nerves are because of the confrontation or him and Dan standing so close. Phil looks into Dan’s beautiful brown eyes and Dan’s expression goes soft. Dan is obviously still mad but he has a heart. He can tell Phil is freaking out.

“Phil it's okay, just tell me what you were going to say.” Dan's voice is soft and soothing. Like a warm fuzzy blanket on a cold day. It calms Phil but the fact that his crush is relaxing him doesn't go unchecked.

“I, so, I’m really sorry about earlier. I honestly wasn't thinking clearly and I didn’t realize you didn't like me like that, or like boys like that for that matter anyway, and I realize I was probably picking up on the wrong signals and fuck and I-”

“Phil I'm not mad at that.”

“What do you mean?” What even did he mean? Was he not being mad at Phil for thinking he likes boys? For picking up something totally different? Is he mad at himself? Was he just overreacting?

“I’m- okay I don't really know how to say this- I like you too.” This confuses Phil even more.

“Why is this a problem?” Phil’s nerves are almost completely gone. But Dan is growing more and more anxious by the second. It's almost as if Phil’s anxiety is being sucked out of him and moved into Dan.

“I-I'm not really ready to be out yet, fuck.”

“Are you not out to anyone?” What he meant to ask was ‘are you really not out to anyone’ but he didn't add the really in it because he doesn't know what his home life is like and doesn't want to come off as a jackass.

“My family and close friends know- and they're super supportive and shit- but I think it's because I don't really feel that it has to be everyone's business- like, okay, like after this tour ends I’m probably never going to see any of these people again. Why should these random people get to know something extremely personal?”

“Yeah, I get where you're coming from. But if you don't want everyone ‘knowing’, you could just live out of the closet not come out of it.”

“That's true but that's a whole big process and what if the people I’m surrounded with don't accept me, then I have to spend like 3 months stuck with them on a tiny tour bus with them hating my guts just because I make comments about guys and I tend to shag them once in a blue moon.”

“Touche.” Dan gives a little chuckle and his face falls flat again. Phil cups the side of Dan’s cheek and runs his thumb over his cheek.

“I really wasn't thinking about the ‘cute boys’ comment. I didn't realize who was around us and how loud I said it and what your situation might be. If it makes you feel better I accidentally screamed I want to sleep with Thor in front of everyone and they keep teasing me about it. On the bright side, they aren't like homophobes about it.”

“That's good. I did find it very funny when you said that.”

“Not you too!” Dan started to laugh and he is getting calmer, his nerves are finally chilling out.

“I want to start this whole thing over. Is that okay? Dan?”

“Yes. I would love that.” They give each other small, but sweet smiles. Phil keeps his hand on Dan’s cheek and Dan’s arms wrap around Phil’s waist. Their foreheads touch. They stay like that for a little bit. Silent, not moving, enjoying each other's presence. Phil is about to move his head up to press his lips against Dan’s when Phil’s phone loudly interrupts him.

“Seriously? At this bloody moment!?” Phil says while Dan laughs at Phil’s over- dramaticness.

“Phil, what does it say?”

“We have to get back to rehearsal.” They walk back to the stage mostly in silence. Phil is brushing his arm against Dan’s, on purpose, just to feel him next to him. It feels like sparks and softness. Phil never wants it to end. He just wants to take Dan’s arm and hold it close to his chest, both of his arms keeping Dan’s close. But he doesn't. Because Dan isn't ready. Even though it practically pains Phil not to touch him it probably pains Dan even more for Phil to be touching him like that in public. And Phil is completely fine with that.

“Dan, Phil! Where the hell are you guys? We were supposed to start rehearsal 15 minutes ago! We were looking everywhere for you!”

“Marianne, me and Phil were just out talking. We’re sorry to have kept you waiting for so long.” Dan’s voice is reassuring, unlike the shaky wreck it was just a few minutes ago.

“You boys better have been talking across the city because I don't want to hear any damn excuses! Get back in the booth and get ready.” They both run into the booth and share a secret smile while fitting on their headsets. Tyler notices, smiles and nudges Phil on the shoulder.

“What happened?”

Phil smiles in Dan’s direction. “Nothing. Nothing happened.”

The music is loud and pumping. It's so dark in the venue but the stage is so bright that it’s practically blinding. The energy in the air is electrifying. The fans are just as loud as the band.

“So hold me tight. Hold me tight or don't.” Patrick almost screams into the mic. The fans shout back.

“I got too high again. Realized I can't not be with you. Or be just your friend. I love you to death But I just can't, I just can't pretend. We were lovers first confidants but never friends. Were we ever friends?”

Phil looks over at Dan, who is bouncing along with the crowd. He smiles as he plays with the switchboard.

“But when your stitch comes loose, I wanna sleep on every piece of fuzz and stuffing that comes out of you, you.” Patrick sings as Dan looks back at Phil, who has been looking at Dan the whole time. Dan moves closer to Phil, tilts up his chin and kisses him. It's so dark that no one would really see, besides who the hell is looking at the lighting crew anyway? Everyone's attention is on the band playing in front of them. The song itself isn't that romantic, but to them, it feels like a love song. Tyler saw them kiss and starts laughing at them. Dan rolls his eyes at Tyler but Tyler gives Phil a high five.

“You finally did it!” Tyler mouths to Phil. Phil can't help but be proud of himself. His crush likes him back. AND he got him to kiss him. What isn't there to be proud of?

The kiss is a simple gesture. It was small and no one noticed. Maybe that’s why it's so special. It’s a start- a small start, but a good start.

And that's all that matters.

#realized i can't not be with you #phandom fic fest #my fic #text #phan #dan and phil #tour fic #mine

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breadbowl01 · 3 years

Text

i am on my period

nuff said

here are somethings i do that make me feel better because i wouldn't wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy:

- painkillers: i take midol in the morning and ibuprofen in the afternoon. i honestly dont know if they work because im still in immense pain even when i take the highest strength but i like to think they help. and take them (1) consistently and (2) before the pain. take them as soon as you wake up and on the hour every four hours or whatever the directions are

- heat pad: i have the pads that you microwave but i suggest the ones that you can just charge and use as needed. i got my heat pad when i was actually in the right state of mind, and i decided the microwavable one because i didnt want to deal with the cord of the charger. dont do that. get the charging one. its much better to just plug it in the wall next to you instead of walking back and forth every two hours to heat it up. if you dont have a heat pad, take a warm/hot shower. the warmth really does help

- exercise: I KNOW I KNOW. youre in pain and feeling shitty and bleeding from your vagina and sometimes it hurts even to lie down and exercising is the last thing you want to do. and you dont have to run or lift or any of that actual sweating shit. i literally just walk a little - right after i wake up cuz my cramps are the least painful the couple hours after i wake up. nothing serious, literally walking around on flat ground at a slow pace just to get some sunlight and wind on me because god knows i will not be leaving my bed for the rest of the day

- no caffeine: my morning coffee is greatly missed for five days at the last week of every month but something in my brain says itll be good for me. coffee already does things to me even when im not almost dying so its a no for me

- food: i have a major sweet tooth and that definitely gets heightened during my period but i try not to go too hard on the chocolate. i once finished a whole bag of mini reeses and while my tastebuds were satisfied, my stomach was not feeling it. i try to stick to warm soups when im on my period so that my stomach doesnt have to try to hard to digest food and i feel like its the safest food to make me feel better. im also starting to try hot chocolate instead of actually eating chocolate during my period. i get my sugar fix while putting something warm in my body so its a double whammy

- sleep: if i had no obligation to deadline or tests or papers i would sleep all day because it is the best neutral state. i dont have to think and get sad or mad or cry or feel pain. just sleep as much as you can

this isnt really a tip but a suggestion (?)

i use a menstrual cup and i highly recommend. single use pads, tampons, liners, etc can rack up a lot of waste and dollars. period underwear is also an option but i havent used them so i dont have input on that. i am really enjoying the menstrual cup - it may take a while to get used to. it took me about five cycles of using it to really get comfortable with using it and trusting it. i know 'trusting' it sounds a bit weird but i had this worry that the cup would just suddenly lose pressure and everything would come out. spoiler: that doesnt happen. if youre considering switching to a cup, i suggest getting comfortable with tampons first for a smoother transition

#journal #my journal #rant #period #period cramps

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masterofmunson · 7 years

Text

Be Happy Now

Bucky x Reader

Summary: A series of I just want you to be happy’s until they're both actually happy. My entry for @just-some-drabbles Rom-Com Challenge. “I just want you to be happy,” prompt.

I DIDNT MEAN TO GET CARRIED AWAY BUT I DID SO HERE YOU GO!!

Word Count: 4.1k+ (i'm so sorry)

Warnings: angst, love triangle drama, anti-nat (still love her tho), swearing, violence, fluff, a cute beagle named daisy.

Love. Four letters, one syllable, ten thousand meanings. Love means texting when you arrive home safely to someone that cares. Love means ordering two sets of fries even though your significant other said that they didn't want an order. Love also means that you're willing to put someone else's happiness before your own. It's selfless and you're willing to do anything to keep them happy, or at least I was.

I sacrificed a lot in order for Bucky to be happy. I lost sleep when he'd have his nightmares and I was the only one who could comfort him until he fell back asleep. I lost most of my appetite because he'd steal my food. My whole schedule revolved around Bucky.

At first, I enjoyed it. He gave me attention that I longed for. He made me laugh. His warm and cold fingers would tug securely around my waist when he fell asleep to my soft humming which always caused me to shiver. His charming and flirtatious comments always caused my face to warm. I'd duck my head embarrassingly before biting back a snarky response.

Now, though? I'm drained. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm giving, giving, giving and soon I'll run on empty. I still want him to be happy, but I don't want him to rely on me for it to happen. He needs to find his own happiness, even if his happiness didn't happen to be me.

Like any other pathetic romantic novel storyline, he did, and spoiler alert, it wasn't me. His happiness was in the hourglass figure and fiery red hair that belonged to Natasha Romanoff. I felt stupid enough to even believe for a second that he might reciprocate my feelings and it hurt. It hurt to see that he no longer needed me to calm the storm that was his nightmares. It hurt that he wasn't making me laugh. Instead, he made me frown. He ran me out of gas and abandoned me in a ditch with no way out.

I act like everything's fine, like I'm not tearing myself apart even more. I allowed myself to place my happiness into someone rather than something. He took my heart and threw it away, but it still lingers in his soft smiles and rough hands. I act like seeing him and Natasha together doesn't destroy me because all I've ever wanted was for him to be happy, and he is.

He laughs more. He smiles more. The Bucky from the 40s is slipping through whoever he is now, and it's refreshing. Yeah, he has his off days, but he's safe. He's happy. He's free. There's nothing better than that. Well… maybe there is, my own happiness perhaps, but that seems impossible, so I'm more than willing to settle for goodness. Well… I was.

Today, I was leaving for a quick recon mission with Sam, and yes, Bucky and Natasha in Italy. We had received information regarding a new biological weapon, that when fired or injected, causes the brain chemistry at whoever is being shot at, to turn against their friends and confuse them as the enemy. If the wrong people got their hands on it, the consequences would be devastating.

Before today, I had taken up the hobby of actively avoiding Bucky. Being around him hurt more than I'd like to admit. I haven't seen him in days and I knew he was looking for me, which I hated. I don't want him thinking of me when he has Natasha.

Walking slowly to the Quinjet Hangar in my stealth suit, I dread the idea of facing him. He's very confrontational and he'll want an answer that I don't want to give. I sighed, running my hands through my hair before sliding my weapon of choice, my beloved assault rifle, over my shoulder.

I hurry into the jet and sit down, plugging my earbuds into my phone and placing them in my ears. My eyes close and I focus on the music, ignoring the world around me.

I know Sam, Natasha, and Bucky are on the jet, but they don't disturb me, which I'm grateful for. The longer I close my eyes pretending that I'm asleep, the less likely Bucky's going to confront me.

That feeling, however, is short lived just after we take off from the Avengers base in France. My earbuds are ripped out of my ears and they clang against the ground of the jet. My eyes fly open and I glare at the culprit.

“What the hell, Bucky?” I hissed. “What was that for?”

“You've been avoiding me, Y/n. How else was I supposed to get your attention?” he scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“I don't know, tap me on the shoulder, maybe?” I bite back.

“Why are you avoiding me? What did I do? What happened to my best friend?”

I have half a mind to apologize, but I shake the thought away. I won't let him make me feel guilty about how I feel, not anymore. The Old Y/n would have, but I'm not her anymore.

I'm tired of him not appreciating me for all that I've done for him up until this very moment. I'm tired of being slept on. I'm tired of being thrown to the curb. I'm tired of being the second choice.

I'm ripping it off like a band-aid, fast and nearly painless. I would deal with the consequences later. I was pissed. Nothing could change what I was about to spill.

“I'm not your best friend, Bucky,” I snapped. “Best friends don't treat each other the way you treat me.”

“How do I treat you?” he asked, his face falling.

“You don't appreciate any of the things I've done for you. I bend over backwards in order to see you happy, to make you happy, and not once did I get a thank you. I don't expect to get anything in return when I'm being nice, but a little appreciation wouldn't hurt. My life revolved around you. I lost sleep because you weren't sleeping. I lost my appetite in order to fulfill yours. I'm giving and giving and giving, and now I'm on empty,” I whispered quietly, feeling my tears threatening to fall. I wouldn't let him see me cry.

“I didn't know, I'm sorry,” he croaked, stepping towards me slowly.

“Now you know. Just… just leave me alone, please.”

My eyes glance up at his for a brief moment and I swallow hard. They're red with tears and it makes my chest ache, but it has to be done. I have to protect myself. My heart is fragile and precious. I don't want it to break again.

He backs away slowly as if he's waiting for me to say something else. Like my words mean nothing and I'm just kidding, but I'm not. I'm dead serious. He hurt me. His actions, or lack thereof, bruised me. I remain silent and he sits down wordlessly next to Natasha. She's murmuring things in his ear as his eyes stay trained on mine. I look away and bite my lip hard, fighting off the tears pooling at my eyes.

Time passes slowly after that. I'm busying myself with my thoughts and my music. Regret starts to eat away at me at everything I could've done differently regarding Bucky. I had so many chances and opportunities to tell him how I felt but I didn't. I was too late when I wanted to tell him and he had Nat.

“We’re here,” Sam calls out to us after a few hours. It breaks me out of my daze and I'm in mission mode immediately. I rub my tired eyes and stand up, slipping my comm into my ear. I grab my assault rifle and exhale a heavy breath. I wait at the edge of the jet and play with my fingers.

“Giggles and Smolder, you're together. Extract the biological weapon and any other intel you come across. Widow and I will provide security. Meet at the rendezvous point in two hours,” Sam stated, going over the mission points.

“Sam,” I nearly growled, “I don't think that's a good idea.”

“You both work well together. You're going to be together. End of story.”

I grit my teeth and bite my tongue. I stomp off the jet and Bucky follows closely behind me. I trudge through the entrance of the building, avoiding all security cameras and agents in the area.

“Giggles and Smolder are in the building,” I spoke into the comm, adjusting my rifle on my shoulder.

We move quickly and silently through the building, closer to the lab. We take out the agents efficiently and make it into the lab. We're face to face with the biological weapon soon enough and my hands carefully pull each of the vials out of the containment and into the protective seals on my hip. I exhale a breath and relax my shoulders, but the feeling of short lived when we're overwhelmed by agents.

“I thought you said you were providing security, Falcon!” I hissed into the comm, ducking behind a flipped over table so I could catch my breath.

“They weren't on the security cameras!” Sam shouted.

I grit my teeth and hurry back onto my feet, shooting the two agents in front of me. My eyes scan the room wildly for Bucky and to my own horror, he's out numbered. I quickly take them out from my hiding position and our eyes meet.

“Thanks, Doll,” he breathed, smiling softly at me.

“There we go,” I teased jokingly. “There's some appreciation. That's a good start.”

“I hope you know that my appreciation for you isn't just because you're always savin’ my ass.”

I roll my eyes playfully and glance around for any stray agents, finding none. “Let's get the hell out of here.” He grins in agreement and we hurry out of the lab.

I'm winded and out of breath. Bucky trails behind me and my harsh breaths fill my ears. It's hard to breathe and I don't notice the agent in my blind spot sneaking up on me.

It's too late by the time Bucky screams my name. The gun goes off and the bullet pierces my gut. Another shot rings out and and the agent crumbles to the group, a bullet in his brain. The adrenaline fades almost immediately and I drop to my knees. I close my eyes, waiting for my head to slam against the concrete but instead Bucky's rough hands catch me.

Now I'm breathing hard. My vision is fuzzy, but it doesn't feel like I'm dying.

“Y/n’s hit!” Bucky screams, lifting me up into his arms. He carries me with ease out of the building and runs to the rendezvous point. I hear explosions in the distance. The building’s probably in flames now. “Doll, keep your eyes open for me.”

“Bucky, I'm fine. Just a little woozy,” I sigh, moving my fingers into his soft brown hair. “You're so beautiful. Like uh… you're face is very beautiful. Ocean eyes, strong jaw, kissable lips. Mhmm… your arms feel really nice, just wish it wasn't like this.”

“Uh huh,” he muttered, hurrying towards the jet.

“Don't know if ‘m dyin’ or being delirious.”

“You're not dying,” he snapped, staring down at me. “I'm not losing my best friend. You're gonna be fine.”

“I'm sorry for being so mean before. We are friends and it just hurts because I want to be more because I love you, but you're with Nat, and she's my friend,” I slur, struggling to keep my eyes open.

“You… you love me?”

“Duhhh. You really think I'd lose sleep over anyone? When you love someone you sacrifice your own sleep for there's, at least I think that's how the saying goes. Maybe it's you sacrifice your own happiness for someone else's. I can't remember,” I mumbled deliriously. “I just want you to be happy.”

“Y/n! Stay awake!” he screams, shaking me against the platform of the jet, but he's too late. I slip into darkness.

I wake up to the consistent sound of the heart rate monitor connected to my body somewhere. My head aches and my torso burns. I let out a painful groan and my eyes open slowly. My throat is terribly dry and I let out a dry cough and my eyes scan the medbay room.

“Doll,” Bucky's voice rings through my ears and I turn my head towards the seat he's occupying. He's worse for wear and it breaks my heart. His skin is a ghostly pale and dark circles surround his eyes. It looks like he hasn't slept in days. He's in a loose t-shirt and cotton sweatpants. “You're awake!” he hurries to my side and brings a paper cup up against my lips. I drink it all in one large gulp and gasp in appreciation. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I've been shot,” I rasped with a smirk. His face tenses and falls. I know that look anywhere. It's his ‘this is not a joke’ face that is usually reserved for Sam and I. “What happened? I don't remember anything.”

His face perks up and softens immediately. He coughs awkwardly before giving me another cup filled with water. “We went on a mission to retrieve a biological weapon--it’s safe, don't worry--and you got shot.”

“What?”

“An agent blindsided you. Neither of us saw him,” he breathed, playing with his fingers. I watch him intensely, knowing that there's more. He looks at me with tears in his eyes. “I-I thought I lost you, Y/n. There was so much blood, an-and you went unconscious before the plane took off. The doctors said it was a-a miracle that you made it through the trip. You went under eight hours of intensive surgery and you went into a medically induced coma after that. You've been out for five days.”

“Five days? Bucky, I can't imagine what that must've been like waiting for me to wake up,” I cry, feeling a tear slip down my cheek.

The chair screeched against the tile and he's by my side in a flash. His flesh hand holds my cheek and his metal one holds onto my hand. “Even a minute without you feels like an eternity,” he murmured, brushing away a few stray tears that fell upon my face.

I swallow hard. I don't know what that means. I don't know why that's making my heart hammer against my chest. The beeping of the heart rate monitor roars in my ear. “You should, um, get a doctor… let them know I'm awake or something,” I stutter, pulling away from his gentle grasp.

“Yeah, yeah. You're right, um, I'll go do that,” he nods, standing up, scurrying out of the room.

My eyes follow his broad frame out of my room and I exhale a breath I didn't know I was holding. For a second, I thought he was going to kiss me.

A week after I woke up from my medically induced coma, I was discharged from the hospital bay and left French headquarters. I was happy to be back home in New York and in the comfort of my own bedroom. Physical therapy started and it was a slow process to get back into my routine again.

Bucky was with me through all my therapy sessions and he never left my side. I thought it was strange. We were back to how things were before he started dating Natasha. I made sure to keep a friendly distance between us. I didn't want to cause any rifts between him and Nat. I wasn't going to let my feelings for her boyfriend cloud my judgement. I wasn't going to be like that.

A few weeks after my therapy started, I felt like I was improving. I wanted to start training again. I wouldn't do anything too hard, I was just itching to get back into my routine.

“Natasha,” I called out to her in the gym. She turns away from the spot she was standing in next to Bucky. “Do you wanna spar? Help me get back into the swing of things?”

“Sure,” she said, nearing me so she could tape her hands. I follow suit and stretch briefly.

“Go a little hard on me, would ya?”

She nods with a smirk and we step onto the mat. We circle each other before she makes the first move. I dodge her first and kick her leg out from underneath her. I step back so she can stand up and I take a deep breath. She looks slightly pissed off and she charges at me. We block each other’s hits and kicks before she manages to hit me in the jaw. It knocks me to the ground and my head aches.

Natasha digs her knee into my healing wound. I grit my teeth and try to push her off of me. “Natasha, stop. You're hurting me,” I growl, glaring at her.

“Good,” she hisses, “now you know what it feels like to be me.”

“What're you talking about? Get off of me!”

“You don't think I know how you feel about Bucky? My Bucky? I see the way you look at him.”

“What're you talking about?” I scream, wiggling against her firm grasp. “Get off me Natalia! You're hurting me!”

“I know you love him!”

It feels as if the wind was knocked out of me. I stop wiggling against her iron grip and swallow hard. I don't know what to say. She caught me red handed.

“I see the way you look at him when you think no one’s watching. I know you love him because you told him when you got shot because you thought you were going to die. Everyone on the mission knows how you feel about him.”

“What do you want me to say, Natasha?” I snarl. “That I'm sorry? That I purposefully fell for your boyfriend just to spite you? Why do you think I kept it quiet? I'm friends with you. I'm friends with Bucky. I wasn't going to let my feelings for him get in the way, and they didn't. Not until now. I didn't know that I told him how I felt until now. No one told me! I don't remember the mission. You, along with everyone else could've pretended that it didn't happen, because Bucky sure’s doing a fine job at pretending that I didn't confess my love for him!”

I shove her off me and struggle to my feet, storming out of the gym back into my room.

After the incident with Natasha and Bucky, I made the decision to move out of the Compound. It was incredibly difficult for me to be around them. I avoided them both at all costs. It hurt to be around them. Natasha was my friend and Bucky was my best friend. We were all avoiding each other and whenever I saw them together, she'd flaunt him like one of her new weapons. I had enough of it, so I left.

I got my own place nearby and felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I was happier and healthier, a bit lonely, I admit, but I was good.

I'm only at the Compound when I need to be for work, training, and the occasional gala Tony hosts every few months. Other than that, I'm finding new hobbies, and I even adopted an adorable beagle puppy named Daisy.

I'm keeping myself busy and I'm not allowing myself to get sad. I tried hard to keep my relationship with Natasha and Bucky intact, but it wasn't enough. Nothing ever was when it came to them.

One night that Daisy and I decided to stay in, there was a soft knock at my door. Her small barks rang through the apartment and I grabbed my gun, hiding it behind my back. I unlock the door and peek my head out.

“What're you doing here?” I ask, tensing against the door.

“I missed you. I wanted to come and visit,” Bucky mutters, holding out a beautiful bouquet of flowers. “Consider this a late housewarming gift.”

I open the door and set the gun on the table near the door. I take the flowers and hold them against me. “Would you like to come in?”

“May I?” he asks. I nod and he steps inside. I shut and lock the door behind me. I hurry into the kitchen and place the flowers into a vase.

Daisy barks at his feet. “Daisy, no barking. He's a guest. Be nice. Would you like some water, Bucky?”

“Yeah, sure. Thank you.”

I grab him a glass and fill it with water. I place it on the counter and watch him interact with my dog. “She's cute. When'd you get her?”

Daisy rolls onto her back and her tail hits the floor. “A few weeks after I moved in. I felt lonely and I thought that getting a puppy would cure my loneliness. She did, thank goodness. Daisy's my little princess,” I laugh, sitting on the floor across from him. Daisy rolls back onto her legs and climbs into my lap. I pet her behind the ear and she presses her snout into my hand. “How's Natasha?”

“Good… I think. We broke up a few months ago. We weren't very happy,” he answers quietly.

“Oh. Sorry to hear that.”

We fall into an uncomfortable silence and I busy myself with Daisy. She climbs into my lap and licks my arm. I kiss the top of her head and rub her belly.

“Did you really leave the Compound because of Natasha and I?” he asks softly, his eyes staring into mine.

I swallow hard and take a deep breath. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Do you really think I wanted to stay on the same floor as my best friend and my best friend’s boyfriend who I was in love with? I lost you both. I was all alone. You didn't tell me that I told you how I felt and you used my amnesia to your advantage. Why didn't you tell me?”

“How could I have? You would've been absolutely mortified. I had a girlfriend. You knew that and you only told me because you were delirious and you thought you were dying. It would've ruined our friendship,” he retorted.

“It already did,” I snapped. “Why are you here anyway?”

“I missed you. I missed my best friend. Ever since you left, I've missed you. When you left, you took a piece of my heart with you.”

I swallow hard. It feels like the wounds that I thought healed were being reopened. “Bucky, stop,” I whispered, playing with my fingers.

“Y/n, I-I love you. I think I always have,” he confesses, moving closer to me.

“Bucky, stop! I'm not going to just be with you just because you suddenly reciprocate my feelings. You hurt me,” I snap, brushing a tear off my cheek.

“You don't think I know that? Why do you think I'm here? I'm trying to fix my wrongs. I don't want to lose you again,” he stated softly, moving closer to me.

“James, I don't know. If our friendship didn't work out, what makes you think this relationship will?”

“I'm fighting for you. I'm willing to earn you back. It won't happen again. I need to gain your trust back. I love you, Y/n. I just want you to be happy and I want you to be happy with me.”

My eyes stare into his as I weigh the pros and possible, admittedly small amount, of cons about a possible relationship with him. His eyes are full of hope and it makes my heart flutter hard against my chest. I swallow hard and nod slowly.

“Okay,” I breathed. “I'll give us a shot. We’re going slow though, okay?”

He grins and I can't help but smile too. He nods eagerly and stands on his feet. He grabs my hand and I look at him strangely. He hurries to my front door and nearly pulls it off its hinges.

“Where are you going? What're you doing?”

He turns towards me and leans forward, placing a soft kiss onto my cheek. “Takin’ things slowly, darlin’. I don't kiss until the end of the first date, or maybe it's the second. I can't remember. You'll find out soon enough,” he teases with a smirk. “Be ready by six tomorrow. I'm takin’ you out. See you tomorrow, beautiful.”

I grin, biting my lip. “See you tomorrow, Bucky.” He kisses my cheek again before closing the door. I lock it behind me and slide my back against the door until I'm on the ground. Daisy trots into my lap and licks my cheek. “I guess you want me to see Bucky too, then?”

Daisy barks, wagging her tail.

I totally was not planning this fic to be 4k+ words but it was I'm so sorry I have zero structure when I write. I should probably fix that. Anyway, this was my entry for @just-some-drabbles Rom-Com Challenge! I hope you guys liked it!

PERMANENT TAGS: @jessevans @fuckmewintertucker @ria132love @anastasiaannaa @bubblyaschampagne @kindnesswins @queen-valeskaxx @lilasiannerd @sammnipple @blueeyedboobear @mcuimxgine @marvel-fanfiction @blueskies-love @super-soldier-wifey @broken-pieces @xxchexchickxx @castawayreject @iamwarrenspeace @melconnor2007 @nerdyandproud9 @frostbyte-horan

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afraidof-thedark · 4 years

Text

I have nightmares where I’m trapped in a shower. The drain is plugged, and the the water won’t stop pouring down on me. Water rises to my ankles, to my waist, and then over my head. The shower curtain turns to glass, and my screams turn to gargles. A dark figure presses its face against the glass on the other side, and it watches me. I plead, but it won’t let me out. I swallow water and flail helplessly in my glass coffin.

I wake up gagging.

I know where the nightmare came from – I never have to dig deep. The incident is never far from my subconscious. Finding it is easy.

Getting over it is not.

It was the summer of my 12th birthday when the Hudsons moved in across the street. Three people, one of them a really old woman. She was tiny, frail, skeletal almost. Thin white hair, faded, blue flowery dress – her head hung from her neck and it wobbled as the man pushed her up a makeshift wheelchair ramp into the house. At the time I couldn’t figure out if she was alive or dead.

A few minutes later she appeared in an upstairs window, sitting in her wheelchair. She was directly facing my bedroom, and I cautiously peered out from behind my curtains. Her head was upright now, and she stared at me. Just stared, without moving her head an inch.

I closed my drapes.

For days she sat at the window. She watched the cars putter down our suburban road and gazed at the neighborhood kids scurrying through their yards. I never saw anyone else in the room; never saw her move from that wheelchair. At night I’d nervously peek through the crack in my drapes. Her silhouette was still in that window, lights off, staring out into the darkness at my bedroom. I couldn’t tell, but I knew she was watching me.

The stories about her cropped up pretty quick amongst my friends in the neighborhood. That she was a witch. That she was just a doll. That she was actually dead. But I knew she wasn’t dead. Sure, I never saw her move from that window, not once. And I never saw her head turn. But I felt her eyes move as they studied me. I could feel her watching me. All alone in my bedroom, in the middle of the night with my drapes firmly shut, I’d wake up and shudder. Her eyes were on me, I just knew it.

I began sleeping on the floor. The lower I was, the better. Maybe she couldn’t see me if I was on the floor.

I told my parents that the old woman across the street was creeping me out. I pleaded with them to talk to the Hudsons and ask them to move her to a room without a window. They laughed and told me to let her live out her twilight years in peace. She was just watching the street, they said, and that probably made her feel happy and feel younger.

“Are you just going to stick me in a windowless room when I’m an old lady?” my mom laughed. “Remind me to move in with your sister when I’m in a wheelchair!”

A week later there was some commotion at the Hudsons. I watched from my bedroom window as the man ran out of the house and opened up the double-doors of his van. He jogged inside, and he reappeared minutes later pushing the old woman in her wheelchair down the ramp. She looked frailer than before. She couldn’t have weighed more than 70 pounds. Her head was flung to the side, resting on her right shoulder. Her body jostled in the wheelchair.

But her eyes never left me. Watched me the whole time.

The man picked her up and placed her in the car. He folded the wheelchair and stuffed it in the trunk. He quickly hopped into the driver’s seat, the younger woman pounced into the passenger seat, and the man put his foot to the pedal.

The old woman’s limp head still faced me. It bobbed up and down as the van reversed down the driveway. I studied her face. It was expressionless, emotionless. Her tongue slightly hung from the right-side of her mouth. But her eyes were on mine, and they stayed on me.

The van accelerated down the street, and it was gone.

My parents heard the news that afternoon from other neighbors: the old woman’s condition was getting worse, and the Hudsons had taken her to some sort of a home. She wouldn’t be coming back. I went straight to my bedroom, and I looked across the street. I smiled. Her window was finally empty.

The Hudsons didn’t come back the next day. No van. That night I looked out towards the old woman’s window. There was no one there, no wheelchair. But the bedroom light was on. I remember telling my dad I thought it was strange, and he just shrugged and said, “Must be on some sort of timer or something.”

I woke up in the middle of the night and nervously peered out my bedroom window. That bedroom light was still on. It suddenly flicked off, and I ducked below my window frame. I slowly rose and looked out, expecting to see the silhouette of that tiny, skeletal being. I watched for ten minutes, pinching and straining my eyes. The lights quickly flickered on and then off again.

I slept on the floor again, clutching my pillow close.

I had a late baseball practice the next evening. When I got home, my house was empty. My parents were at my little sister’s softball game. I headed to the shower to rinse off.

About three minutes into my shower, I felt cold. The hot steam was escaping the bathroom somehow, which didn’t make sense because I had shut the door. I wiped the shampoo from my eyes, turned my head, and I heard a strange noise that would haunt me in nightmares for years: the metal rings of the shower curtain being dragged across the shower rod. Someone was slowly opening the curtain.

The shampoo stung my eyes, and through the stinging I saw a dark figure behind the curtain. Long, pale, bony fingers gripped the curtain as it slowly opened. I instinctively backed up in the shower, and the curtain opened completely.

There stood the old woman. I must have only looked at her for one, maybe two seconds, but at that moment time stood still. All these years later I can still draw you a vivid picture of the horrifying image in front of me. Disheveled white hair, crazy in her eyes, bones jutting out from under her stretched skin, stark naked. Blotchy skin, warts all over her body, skinny breasts hanging to her waist. Hair where I didn’t know people could grow hair.

She smiled grotesquely, and I felt the shower tile against my back and the hot water pound my face. In her other hand, the old woman held a letter opener.

“August,” she mumbled. “August, August, August.”

I leaped past her, knocking her tiny body to the floor. I ran downstairs, naked and sopping wet. In my panic I somehow remembered I was nude, and I yanked a pair of shorts out of the hamper in the laundry room, sending the hamper crashing to the floor. I high-tailed it on foot down the street, eventually winding up at my friend’s house.

When the police arrived they found the old woman, crumpled to a heap in the bathroom. The shower was still running. The policemen were all really nice to me, admiring me for my bravery. I told them what she said to me – “August” – and asked if they knew what she could have meant.

“It will be August in a few days,” one of them shrugged. “And you can never fully understand old and crazy, son.”

The Hudsons only came to our street once more to retrieve their stuff. The “For Sale” sign was up in days. My mom told me they couldn’t face the neighbors for what happened. Apparently they had taken the old woman – the man’s mother – to a special home downstate. Somehow, someway, the woman managed to escape the home and caught a bus back to our town. It never quite made sense to me – she was so old, so frail, so helpless. She could barely move those weeks she lived in that house. How had she managed to travel hundreds of miles on her own?

Anyway, you can imagine what this did to me. I didn’t shower for 21 years. I took baths, which I suppose aren’t that different – it’s still a tub, and it involves hot, soapy water. But a shower, with it’s closed curtain, water peppering the tub floor and steam climbing the walls – you get lost inside your own head in the shower. Thoughts consume you, and it feels so utterly safe. For a few minutes, you are alone from the world. It’s your own private, misty kingdom.

But that’s what makes the shower dangerous – you’re enclosed, vulnerable, naked.

You’re exposed.

I talked to people about it – my parents, a shrink – but mainly I tried to push the incident deep down into places where I couldn’t find it. I didn’t talk about it with anyone since I was a kid – life carried on. Besides the baths, I was pretty normal.

A few months ago, something inside me clicked. I felt the urge to re-examine the incident, it was almost like a voice in my head was telling me to do it. My head wanted closure.

I spent hours online one night, trying to track down any information on the Hudsons and the old woman. I finally found what I was looking for – an obituary for the old woman. She had died four years ago. Somehow that walking skeleton hadn’t checked out for another 15 years. The obituary photo was a black-and-white picture from when she was a young woman – it was a photo of her and her deceased husband on their wedding day.

His name was August.

And he looked exactly like me.

I closed the browser and stared at my computer desktop for ten minutes. It finally made more sense, why she called me August. Why she was obsessed with watching me. Maybe she used to write letters to her husband, and that’s why she was clutching the letter opener that night.

For a small moment, I felt a little better. Things always feel better when they make more sense.

“Honey, is everything okay?” It was my wife.

“I think so,” I said.

I took the first shower I had taken in years that night. I didn’t even jump when the curtain rungs dragged across the shower rod and my wife entered. But as she embraced me under the hot water, one question wouldn’t leave my head:

How come the young woman in that wedding photo looks exactly like my wife?

Original Author: Red_Grin from Reddit

#creepy #creepypasta #creepy story #story #short story #scary story

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lockedgurl · 4 years

Text

Saturday

I love that all this training is actually working! Ive slept for about 8 hours, feel rested and I woke up in chastity, collared and cuffed and a cute maid dress. Now to think about fulfilling the rest of Mistress' wishes. The tasks I have ahead of me are training oriented, so if I don't fuck up I should be in the clear after the weekend.

Update: First task of the day was to clean my bedroom. Ofcourse, accessorized. I was instructed to wear the cuffs and collar and the maid dress again. I added a corset and thigh high stockings to this. Mistress said I was free to add any extra toys so this could count. I started with a shower, cleaned my ass and put in a small plug, as I figured I was going to be busy for a while. First mistake was that I put on the corset first, which made everything harder to put on. Whilst cuffing myself I finally grew tired of the loose fit on most of them and decided to poke extra holes in the leather. This ofcourse took some time. Even more so because I kept getting distracted by the plug and corset, not to mention the cage.

When the cuffs were on with a very nice firm fit, I tied a rope of roughly 20 cm between my ankle cuffs and tied my wrist cuffs as closely together as I could. I then started looking around at the mess that was my room and couldnt figure out where to start, thoughts scattered between fantasy and reality. This took some time, but eventually I slowly started getting my mind together. Shuffling around the room, sorting small things I stumbled across a sleeping bag which I thought needed folding. I tried to pick it up when the limits of the wristcuffs really became apparent. The best option was to use the floor to fold the thing and eventually I had to get down on all fours. Trapped in my fantasy I wished for mistress to be there and presented myself. This happened swiftly, in a way that you zone out and find yourself in another position. I decided to roll with it and just hold it. A little practice can't hurt.

I spent a little over an hour cleaning the room, with various little moments like the one above, generally feeling really in my element. Especially at the end I really worked with the limits of my movement and my productivity was going up. I felt willing and like I was doing a good job the whole time. As a bonus, the room looks really neat now! I have one task left to do today, I'll make a lil' update about that.

Update 2: I went on a nice evening walk with the medium plug a little while ago. I was getting in the mindset to get myself to do it for a while and decided to just go for it. I didnt expect any trouble as I'm pretty used to anal now. In the best way, all credits to Mistress. I stepped out the door and as soon as I closed the back door I started a timer for 7:30 minutes. This was half of the time I had to walk. I walked a nice route through a nearby park and hesitantly gave in to the rubbing and pounding sensation slowly. All seemed well though, and soon the timer went off. I turned around and walked the way I came. Slowly the sensation faded from strange and new to pleasurable. I relaxed and walked on.

As I was about to pass a chatting couple I felt I had been a little too relaxed, the plug began to slip! I walked on like nothing was happening but silently had a little freakout. The plug was now completely out but held in place by the tension of my undies and my wanting asshole. I walked towards a bench that was on my route and had to pass another human before reaching it. Akwarly I sat down on the bench, pushing the plug back in and effectively fucking myself in public. I wiggled a bit from side to side to push it in more. I hopped up and down like twice but rationality kicked in really fast and I stopped. When I made sure there was nobody around, in one swift motion, stood up while pushing the plug completely in past the ridge with my hand. Then I proceeded to walk home. I had just passed another person when the thing slipped out again.. Embaressed I walked on, feeling the tip rub me just right but super concious about the bulge that must've been happening. I reached an alleyway and pushed hard toreally made sure it was in this time. After that there were no more problems, probably due to the fact that I was 20 metres from home at that point. I kept it in for a little while, still enjoying the sensation. Then I removed it with a little thrusting action to top it all off. Next time I should perhaps tie myself a rope harness to keep it in place, but that invites for other things as well. Good learning moment.

Sidenote: I've removed the other broken lock with force and a screwdriver and replaced it. I should look into other types of locks. I've seen one that needs a phone and a code, maybe that could be interesting?

·'°~ Horn Knee ~°`·

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cyincalangels · 4 years

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a final goodbye

as a warning, this is going to be all my thoughts and emotions in one long post. a post i never even thought i would have to make. when i first made this page, i wanted to show this to you at a bigger milestone in a relationship, i wasnt sure what that was going to be or when that was going to happen to be honest. but here we are, at our final milestone. parts of me also never really wanted to show or mention this page to you. but in all honesty, this makes it easier for me to recognize and acknowledge what im feeling and being able to come back and see how my feelings and thoughts have grown or may have changed. i read through all the posts ive written to double check if these are even worth showing you. and i still think they are. i still feel the same way in each post ive written. and i think ill always feel the same way, even after you’re no longer a huge role in my life. i was hurting after i read through all the posts because 1. ive never written things about other people like that. i never even write my feelings out like that 2. i always felt at peace almost after writing each post. each post made me more grateful for you. and dont get me wrong, its not like i only wrote these posts when i was happy, i only wrote when i remembered or made time. there should have been waaaay more posts than there really are. so ill try to make it fit in this one. and 3. im scared ill never really be able to feel like this about a person again. or at least want to be vulnerable anytime soon. again, i never really felt this way about someone. so it definitely hurts having to sit here and write this. i hurt because i know this is my fault. i dont need you to accept or validate anything in this post or what ive done and i dont need you to say it wasnt my fault. ive come to terms that a lot of this was caused by my baggage i failed to heal on my own, which eventually ended in me basically neglecting you and taking you for granted. ive honestly had to stop and cry and recollect myself several times in writing this so it may be all over the place. im also really sorry if this is way too much for you and if this is nowhere near how you felt about me.

i can thank you in a million ways for how you have impacted my life in the very short four months ive known and got the chance to experience you. you were the first and only person who really made the effort to want to get to know me and learn about me. its taught me to be vulnerable and be okay with sharing myself and my stories with others. it showed to me that some people actually still care about what made me, me. i think thats what really intrigued me the most about you. you like stories and you wanted to hear mine. and i wanted to share and experience some of my life story with you. but now all i really have of the memories that remind me of you.

you also exposed to me a lot of my own trauma that needs to be fixed. it was a hard and ugly truth i had to accept about myself and still trying to process it all now. you were strong enough to stand up for yourself and realize that youve had enough of all my baggage. that was probably one of the most humbling moments ive had in a long time because i mean yeah, people leave me for reasons, but it didnt affect me like how this did. it really woke me up to realize that i need to stop making excuses for my trauma. i cant just rely on attention to make it go away. maybe because i tried so hard (at least in my head) to do things to make you stay and i forced us to change to make it work. when ive always known that i cant control or force someone or something to stay. thank you for forcing me to want to work on myself. for me now.

i know i spent a lot of time talking about me and not enough about you. i asked you today and you said you never needed much from me and for some reason, i felt like i failed you. because you did not need much and i couldnt even give that to you. although i kept asking and telling you what i needed and what works for me and i just wanted you to listen, i couldnt even do the same. i wanted change in a relationship its like i wanted to help change you to be better for me but i couldnt even change myself to be the best for you. i didnt want to accept that the change that was needed, was in me instead. i guess you were right when you kept asking if i was ready for you. because now looking back at it all, there is still so much work for me to do.

i really went through all five stages at grief today. almost all at once. one second ill be okay and productive and really accepting of what i have to do from now on. but it could be seconds later where i think of you and suddenly bust into tears because i can no longer have access to you and no longer have you in my life. i thought to myself, “wow, i didnt think the last time i saw him was really THE last time ill probably ever see him again. ill never be able to hold his hand, hug or big spoon him, rub his back, or even scratch his head again.” all weird little things, but all things that i can never do again. i was more angry and disappointed with myself because my passion and emotions cost me someone i genuinely loved and cared about. it pushed someone away. again. i neglected you and let you slip away. i always had a feeling you’d leave me, i just didnt hope it was so soon. im going to miss you so much. beyond what words can explain. but even though i was upset or needed more when i wasnt physically with you, the second youd pick me up from the airport, all of that went away. being there with you made me forget what even makes me upset in the first place. i always appreciated every moment i got to spend with you. i was never bored. i was never tired of you. i never wished to be anywhere else than with you.

theres so many things i regret that we couldnt experience together like how we hoped we could. like we couldnt go out anywhere together. you couldnt meet my people, even though they really wanted to. and i couldnt meet your people either. im actually really sad and hurt we couldnt travel or take a trip together. i was really looking forward to it because i know how much it meant for you to travel with your partner. theres so many things i wanted to do with you because i really enjoyed your presence and just wanted to share stories with you. but we couldnt experience a normal part of a relationship because of whats going on in the world. maybe that wouldve changed some things, but also it doesnt matter now.

i wish i wouldve told you sooner. about how i really felt. not sure if that wouldve changed our situation much and what that would mean. but i never really would have thought i would fall in love with someone through an iphone screen. and i never expected you to feel the same, which may be a reason why i was always too scared to say it out loud to you. just know that i meant every word that i have ever said to you. ill still deadass ride or die for you. still support you. still always be here for you. still be a rock for you while the world is falling apart. still got your back, front, side, whatever you need. still be a call or text away. still be a nike plug if you need more shorts (or clothes and shoes in general). i could never hate you for this or for anything. i know all this is probably super dramatic for the four months ive known you, but i can promise you that this is nothing like ive experienced in a good way. i really do love you, camilo. and i knew for many weeks now. im sorry it had to come out this way. im sorry our story ended a lot sooner than we (mostly i) expected. i promise that ill still stay true to everything ive told you and promise to you that ill go to therapy for myself. please take good care of yourself. of all aspects of yourself please. i hope i can still count on you in the future. i love you. ill always keep praying for you. xoxoxo

ps this took me about two hours to write. and i might write more on here if i ever feel the creative need to release anytime soon, if youre curious to see later.

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vitalmindandbody · 7 years

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Mamadou Sakho: ‘Whatever they say or do, they cannot replace what they took away from me’

In an exclusive interview, the Liverpool defender who is on loan at Crystal Palace, talks for the first time about his devastation at missing out on Euro 2016, what he did during his ban and his future

For Mamadou Sakho, there is no satisfaction to be had in vindication. He has known for over a year he had done nothing wrong, and that the fat burner containing higenamine, for which he tested positive after helping Liverpool to Europa League progress beyond Manchester United, was not included on the World Anti-Doping Agencys prohibited list. Uefa had admitted as much last July before, in the first section of a 104-page dossier released this week by its control, ethics and disciplinary body, the blame game over the players ban degenerated into petty finger-pointing between the governing body and Wada.

The real victim, the man who had been denied involvement in a cup final and a place in the host nations squad at Euro 2016, can only watch as the bickering shames the authorities. I worked so hard to prepare myself for the European Championship, to help my country, to wear the France shirt in a tournament on home soil, says Sakho. Now Ill never do that. Whatever they say or do, they cannot replace what they took away from me. My lawyer can see what happens next but, for me, I focus on other things. I have learned in life you should never look back over your shoulder, wondering what might have been. That is the past. Always look forward, at the next challenge. Its life. Good and bad things happen, but my mentality is always to try and find a positive. It is the only way to be and, today, I am really happy.

The last 13 months have tested that admirable mindset but, while his circumstances have shifted dramatically, Sakho is not one for changing. He is sitting in a backroom at The Hoxton, a hotel in east Londons trendy Shoreditch, a Crystal Palace loanee whose impact at Selhurst Park has helped wrest five wins from seven matches to ease Sam Allardyces team away from the condemned. A player more used to competing at the top end of a division has been a colossus a leader and organiser, a warrior and inspiration delivering everything Palace hoped he might. He has already achieved cult status among his adopted supporters, just as he had back at his parent club. On Sunday at Anfield, where he will be ineligible, he will watch on from the stands with both teams potentially, if privately, wishing they had him to plug the Sakho-shaped holes in their respective defences.

He admits to finding that scenario awkward, as if uncertain where his loyalties should lie, but it is just the latest twist to an unconventional year. Some of his setbacks have been self-inflicted perceived tardiness on Liverpools pre-season tour of the United States, for which he apologised and was fined, helped fracture his relationship with Jrgen Klopp but it was that routine drug test and the assessment of his urine sample undertaken at a Wada-accredited laboratory in Cologne which had nudged his career on its unexpected course. Sakho has never denied taking the product which contained higenamine and, after liaising with Liverpool, voluntarily made himself unavailable once Wada flagged up the positive test. Uefa would ban him for 30 days pending its own investigations, inquiries which ultimately saw it query whether higenamine should even be considered a prohibited beta2-agonist.

The centre-halfs last appearance for Liverpool had been as a goalscorer in a 4-0 victory over Everton. Less than a week earlier he had scored his sides equaliser in that staggering Europa League quarter-final comeback over Borussia Dortmund. Sitting out what followed fuelled frustration and anger, born of a feeling of helplessness.

But for me, the hardest moment was when I saw my Mum, my sister, my brother, my wife in tears they didnt understand the situation, says Sakho. That was difficult, seeing them upset. They were devastated, but I was there trying to explain to them I had done nothing wrong, and that everything would be alright. It would all be fixed. I was actually quite calm, quite peaceful, and just trying to reassure them. It was a time for me to be strong, and those who are close to me had faith. We knew that, eventually, I would be proved right.

Crystal Palace won their first four games with Mamadou Sakho in the team, including the victory at Stamford Bridge over Chelsea. Photograph: PPAUK/REX/Shutterstock

He would be, but not before he had sat out the Europa League final, where Sevilla eventually overran Liverpool, and been overlooked for Frances squad for the summers championships. Missing out on a home tournament, whose showpiece would be staged just across the Parisian pripherique from where he grew up in Goutte dOr, was cruel. Uefas disciplinary body would absolve him of any fault just 48 hours before the final. I knew the ban meant I could not be picked, so I spoke with the manager Didier Deschamps and promised I would come to Frances first game, and to their last game too, and that I hoped that would be the final. It was. I visited the team hotel in Paris the day before the final to show my support. My ambition is still to play for my country at the World Cup in 2018, and regain my place.

During that whole period I spent time with my family, and with my charity [AMSAK] in Senegal and Ivory Coast. I know I have been lucky in my life and can give something back. We visited an orphanage, a school for deaf and dumb children, and a juvenile jail, speaking to the kids there, giving them advice because everyone makes mistakes. The most important thing is to learn, to share knowledge. Doing that does feel like a release, a chance to put out a positive message and show that everyone can do something to help in his own way. I am lucky I can use my status in a positive way and give something back. You have to help people find a better level, always. The world can be better as a result.

Life at Liverpool was always a game of catch-up after the suspension, with the issues over the summer confirming the team had moved on. An August switch never materialised and he went into the final hours of the January transfer window uncertain where his future lay. Palace, 19th and defensively fragile, won at Bournemouth on the night of the deadline with Allardyce unsure whether he would end the game having secured Sakho or the Everton striker Arouna Kon as his second top-flight loanee. There were frantic post-match telephone calls conducted by the chairman, Steve Parish, and the manager in a corridor at the Vitality stadium as the clock ticked down, with Sakho waiting in the clubs office up in Soho. It was only after midnight that the Premier League ratified the defenders arrival on a five-month deal.

Id only heard good things about the manager, and his being here helped make my decision easier, says Sakho. I spoke with [the Rubin Kazan midfielder] Yann MVila, who had worked with him at Sunderland last season, and he spoke so highly of the coach. He knows what he is doing, a top manager. Then there were people like Yohan Cabaye and Christian Benteke who told me this was a good team, a good club, and reassured me the move would work for everyone. Then there was the chairman. When he spoke to me on the telephone, he sold me his club. The passion with which he spoke about Palace it really touched me. He transmitted that emotion to me in the telephone call. Hes a man of his word. He made me want to fight for his club.

Look, it was still a big challenge, and a very different kind of challenge. But Im so glad I did it. I get a kick out of being out on the pitch, playing football again. I am playing in front of big crowds, fans who appreciate my style of play. Ten months is a long time, but theres no secret to hitting the ground running. No magic formula. I never stopped training and working really hard at Liverpool, over the summer and Im proud of the effort I put in. It is paying off. It comes from my parents. They came to France 30 years ago from Senegal and it was so hard for them. They had to fight for everything, and they transferred this mentality to me. It is in my football, and it comes from the upbringing my parents gave me.

Mamadou Sakho visited the France team during Euro 2016 to give them support and hope to represent his country at next years World Cup. Photograph: Dave Winter/Icon Sport via Getty Images

His seven matches to date have yielded 16 points, four clean sheets, a win at Chelsea, a first home success over Arsenal since 1979 and, most surreal of all, a celebratory jig of appreciation on the pitch from Sasa Curcic. Allardyce and Palace would be eager to retain his services if they retain their Premier League status, even with his asking price spiralling closer to 30m with each eye-catching display. But you know, to talk about my future now is almost… goste. Yes, selfish. It is not the time. My only goal is the mission I have accepted at Crystal Palace, and Im trying to help them succeed in what they need to do. Im part of a team, and its the team that matters. Not my future. Not my contract. Not what happens next.

Its all about seeing Palace safe, and were not there yet. If I wear the Liverpool shirt again I will gladly. I have three more years of contract there. But if I have to stay at Palace, I would do that gladly too. Im happy, I feel good here. Im also someone who is ambitious, so I will let my agent deal with that in the summer and well see where we are. If my future proves to be somewhere else well, so be it. Ill leave everything on my mothers prayers.

Sunday will be strange. I will be there with the Palace squad but, for this game, Im in an awkward position. I have a foot in each camp. I still belong to Liverpool, a great team with a great manager, a club I really appreciate. I had this great relationship with the Liverpool fans and the players. But I now have that same relationship with Palace and their fans. The team as well. Everything has gone so well in the last few months maybe this should be a case of may the best team win.

Liverpool will always mean something to Sakho, as was demonstrated by his recent post on Instagram on the anniversary of the Hillsborough disaster. But, today, I am with Crystal Palace, he adds, and we need those three points.