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gaiuswrites · 3 years

Text

King of Cups || Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Tower

Archive: ao3 | masterlist | two

Pairing: Din Djarin x fem!Reader

Summary: You’re apart of the Refugee Relief Movement, an intergalactic organization providing aid throughout the systems, and you find yourself assisting at a resettlement camp in Lothal when disaster strikes, changing your life forever, intertwining your path with that of a certain Mandalorian bounty hunter.

Word count: 3.7k~

Rated: Mature

Warnings: descriptive violence, blood/injury mentioning, danger, mature language

Notes: Hi y'all, welcome. This fic is going to be set during Season 2 of The Mandalorian, and will be what I like to call ‘canon adjacent’. ALSo, this chapter is very much so Reader focused, setting up the scene and the general pacing of the story, but naturally, Din will be more and more featured as things progress. I’m a sucker for backstory and a slow burn, so ye be warned. Please feel free to reach out to me. :) I’d love to hear from you lovely little beans. Be safe out there, friends.

Lothal was a planet all too familiar with occupation.

You remember seeing a quote somewhere that read ‘Look no further than Lothal if you want to see what happens when the Empire takes control of an entire world’; and although the Imperial chokehold had loosened when the Empire fell, the planet, even all these years later, still found itself gasping for breath.

Off world migration from the Core Worlds had been popularized since the expansion of the Imperial government bureaucracy, which brought booming business opportunities for the fortunate few, but as the rich became richer, the poor grew poorer. The Lothalites were forced out of their homes, off their own lands—refugees on their own planet; forced to resettle and relocate with nothing but the clothes on their back and the possessions they could cram into their pockets. The only heirlooms passed on from generation to generation were that of poverty, tall tales of former splendor, and the greatest of ancestral traumas: disillusionment.

The truly desperate turned to crime, and what couldn’t be solved by back-dealings and blaster fire was managed with fear mongering and the bitter flair of xenophobia. There was always a species to blame, and it was always the one who seemed to be doing better off, no matter how slight the margin.

Greed. Fear. Despair. These are the currencies in which the galaxy trades.

And so it was then, and continued to be, cycle after cycle. History, always finding clever ways to repeat itself.

On bad days, pollution still loomed heavy over the atmosphere—remnants of the fires from the Imperial occupation still clinging on to Lothal’s weary bones. She had been stripped during that time; gutted and strung up by her feet to dangle from the Empire’s meat hook, exsanguinated slowly, drop by drop, until she had nothing left to give. Her resources and minerals and ore and water and seed, robbed. Pillaged.

She’s free from it now, but the scars remain— the planet remembers. Her people do not forget. Like muscle memory, they all ungulate to this synthesized rhythm they can’t seem to shake, day in and day out, wandering. Forever unsettled.

The planet had always had a diverse population and had become something of a safe haven for other abandoned people fleeing their home worlds, determined to find somewhere - anywhere - for them to survive. Lothal provided that for them. It wasn’t rich or bountiful by any stretch, but it was simple and safe—safe in the way hidden things in plain sight are. One could blend into the crowd of many, unique faces, of all races and backgrounds; you could be anonymous, if you wanted. You could be free.

That’s how you’ve found yourself here in Jortho. You had been with the Refugee Relief Movement for the better part of what felt like forever, and they had transferred you to this planet not six weeks ago. You were out on rotation; the RRM sends someone new twice a cycle for the span of a month or two to varying locations to supply rations, aid with the influx of refugees, organize resettlement lodgings, and generally be of assistance when and where you could. However, your tenure on this temperate planet was coming to a close, and soon you’d be flying back to the headquarters on Coruscant before being bounced to another post somewhere out among the stars.

You love your job. You know it’s unpopular to say, but you do. It’s fulfilling and impactful and indescribably special. The individuals you meet, the stories you hear, they’re invaluable— priceless and precious, like handmade trinkets crafted by the fingers of a child; you press them all to your heart, holding them there. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t get to you— the weight of it; the plights of all of these people, all of these lives, burdening your conscience. It isn’t always painless— you aren’t immune to it. Even so, on most nights you manage to sleep easy, tucked away aboard the transport freighter you flew in on with the batch of settlers newly assimilated into town knowing Maker, at least you were doing something— anything— everything you could.

And really, to call Jortho a town would be an insult to all towns everywhere—but ‘town’ has a certain charm to it that ‘refugee camp’ simply did not, and it gave the people hope. Pride, even. That they belonged somewhere.

You suppose that’s all anyone wants. To belong.

A feather soft gust of wind tickles the golden blades of prairie grass as the sun, bleary and tired, starts dipping from the sky. The crickbeets begin their song early, trilling, sensing Lothal’s moons still coyly tucked away, hiding somewhere along the horizon. A smile adorns your face, private and serene, as you bring a bowl of broth up to your lips, humming when the warm liquid meets your tongue. You sigh, contented, taking in the sights before you; how the dusk blurs the aromatic air, making it opaque, the shuttles docked across the way from you casting long purple shadows onto the flat plains, the snowcapped mountains in the distance bordering the cant of the planet’s surface, nestling Jortho in a shallow valley.

You feel calm, at peace, and take another sip.

An easy moment passes, and it’s the last one you get before silence stalks up from behind you.

You don’t notice it at first, like any patient predator, it goes undetected: the white noise, the nothingness— until finally, you do and then suddenly it’s everywhere. On top of you. Smothering you. Goosebumps stipple your skin and you bristle. The insects have stopped chirping. The breeze has stilled. The air hangs dead.

And then—

Chaos.

You’re hit with a blast of crushing heat, the sheer power of it picking you up off your feet and onto your side, sending your body careening into a nearby structure. Your shoulder takes most of the blow, but your neck still snaps backwards unnaturally, the back of your head colliding with the stone wall behind you with a dull thwack. You let out a groaned cry at the impact, the wind knocked out of your lungs as you crumple to the ground.

For an instant, your vision goes white, stars popping and fusing out in front of your pupils, and it’s like you can feel everything and nothing all at once, hollow but overwhelmed, and all you want to do is close your eyes and drift asleep— Maker that would feel like a luxury, just right here on the damn dirt. And you almost do, you almost let yourself slip under and sink— until you hear a piercing scream from somewhere close.

Immediately your eyes shoot open, desperately blinking away the blurriness that threatens to over take them, and you try pushing yourself up by the heels of your scraped hands, failing once - twice - before finding your footing. You’re shaky at first, uncoordinated and dizzy and redownloading bipedalism, before that sweet drug of adrenaline starts to course through your veins and finally, finally, you take in your surroundings.

The ships that once stood across the field are gone, obliterated, and in their place only metal ribcages remain—empty carcasses like dead birds splayed on their backsides, imploded from the inside out, their bits strewn all around you.

Your breathing comes hard and heavy, fighting down panic, and cloudy eyes search through the thick black smoke billowing up in stacks, trying to pin point the source of the scream you’d heard just moments ago. You cough a strained wheeze, sputtering against the charred air, and wade your way through the debris— it’s only then that you realize the magnitude of the explosion. It’s not just the landing bay, it’s half the kriffing village. The buildings that neighbored the airfield had been decimated, burning roofs and crumbling fixtures, homes collapsing onto themselves, scorch marks and shrapnel branding the outsides of the shanties left standing.

It looks like a battlefield. You’ve seen holovids of this—what war can look like, how it can ruin a people… But you’ve never had to stand in the middle of it, head on.

Your heart drums against your chest as you break into a hobbled run, desperately scanning the area for any signs of life, up and down, left and right, straining against the waning daylight. It’s then that you hear your name, urgent and frantic, and you whip your head in it’s direction, knees nearly buckling in relief. You immediately recognize your friend Hareem, brandishing her arms at you, waving you over to her.

“Thank the Maker, you’re alright!” the Balosar cries out, trembling hands finding purchase on your shoulders, bracing you. You don’t know if its for your benefit or her own, but either way you’re grateful for the grounding pressure; for the first time since the initial blast, you feel solid, like you won’t just float away, atomized and weightless. Worried, you look her over. A sliver of fresh scarlet blooms from her scalp, a small line trickling down past her temple, but she otherwise looks relatively unharmed. You grasp onto her wrist, squeezing firmly.

“What the hell happened?” You ask, voice low and pitched, wide fearful eyes drilling into her.

“T-There was a man-” And she shakes her head, mouth clamping shut, deep wrinkles framing her face.

“Hareem,” you reassure, giving her another squeeze. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.

She tries again with a steadying inhale, “I-I saw him. A-a man. He had a device with him, and he set charges, and Maker I don’t know— I don’t know— it went off a-and he ran towards the center of town!” The Balosar is in hysterics, tears spilling down her dirty cheeks, and it takes your brain a moment to catch up, to wrap your mind around the words she’s stuttering out.

A man.

Device.

Charges.

A bomb. This wasn’t an accident; this was an attack—and he’s still kriffing here. You cup her cheeks, thumbs rubbing against the pale skin, smearing away the blood that’s nearly dripped to her chin. Your friend’s gaze is flighty, everywhere and nowhere, and you try giving her a smile, but you’re not quite sure you manage it.

“Hareem? Hareem. Hey, shh, you’re okay. You’re alright…” You peel your eyes off her to glance around hurriedly. “We need to find cover.”

///

You’re holed up in one of the few remaining homes on this side of the encampment, crowded into the small space with three other survivors. All four of you, packed in and silent and petrified. Unsure of any further threat, you stay completely still. Helpless. Laying here, idle, for whatever awaits you behind that feeble, wooden door. You feel like prey for the wicked, just passing the time.

Minutes inch along like this—or maybe its hours; time moves eerily different when you’re attempting to become invisible—and eventually, you almost begin to relax.

Almost.

But a new sound breaks the din, hard to recognize at first, indistinct from all the commotion outside their hut, but you hear it. You all do. The youngest of you, a teenaged Devaronian, grips onto the hem of your shirt, knuckles creasing with anticipation. You tense, spine going rigid. Footsteps. They’re slow, guarded, but they’re getting closer. You bring an arm up, for all the good it’ll do, creating a human shield in front of the boy at your side. Closer. Someone behind you muffles a whimper. Closer. A Bardottan you hadn’t even met until today let’s out the faint whisper of a prayer, lips barely ghosting over the phrases. Closer-

and then, nothing.

They’re here. You can sense him, see his shadow sweep across the gaps in the entryway. You all hold your breath, as if the air is being syphoned out of the space… And the door is flung open, nearly breaking off it’s hinges as it slams into the inside of the house, shuttering the rickety walls with a jarring bang.

You don’t know who looks more astonished: you four, or the Mandalorian before you, dripping head to toe in silver plated armor, pointing a blaster directly at your head.

“Where is he?” He asks, hard edged and modulated, and it’s more of a demand than a question—but he lowers his weapon all the same, holstering it at his side. You gape at him, guppying wordlessly. “Volcur X’elo. The bomber. Where?” He hasn’t moved an inch out of the doorframe but he’s still managing to loom over you, completely filling up the archway, shoulders set and impossibly intimidating.

You gulp, finally finding your voice. “In town, i-in the center of town…” Kriff, you had not idea if that intel was good or not, but it’s all you think to say. Seeming satisfied with your answer he turns on his booted heel, cape whipping behind him, leaving just as soon as he arrived. The dust barely has time to settle as the door teeter’s on its hinge, its rusty squeaks filling the void in the Mandalorian’s wake.

“Fuck,” you hiss, exhaling a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, doubling forward, propping your palms up on your knees.

///

After deliberating it with your group, you all come to the agreement of braving it outside. Better to be out under the open sky than die under a concaving apartment, clambering over each other to get to the exit. After all this, at least your dignity was still partially in tact— normally, you reckon you’d chuckle dryly at that. But you don’t.

Can’t.

You lead the pack through the mazelike streets. The sights that once seemed so familiar after weeks of living here become like strangers to you, and you sleepwalk through Jortho, snaking down paths marred by rubble and fallen wreckage— you haven’t seen any bodies, but maybe that isn’t true. Maybe you’re just too scared to notice them. Maybe they’re there, hovering just outside of your peripherals, haunting the corners of your vision…

You keep your head fixed forward, jaw clenched.

Your feet move on their own like this, only vaguely aware that the red-skinned boy still hadn’t let go of your tunic. You forge on. Have to. You have to. Your only purpose on this kriffing planet was to help these people, to bring them aid, and if that means simply planting one foot in front of the other, then so be it. You take side alleys, double backing here and there, ducking under canopies, looping around yourself, only stopping when you catch a glimpse of beskar, the orange setting sun glinting off the surface of his helmet.

And he’s not alone.

You freeze suddenly, as do the rest, and the Devaronian bumps into you, stumbling under his lanky legs. Some paces in front of you, the bounty hunter has the other man, this Volcur X’elo, by a punishing grip on his shoulders, shoving him forcefully out in front of him; his wrists are bound and he’s fitful without the stabilization of his arms, his feet staccatoed and flailing wildly beneath him as the Mandalorian marches him forward.

The wind shifts, and on it you can hear the bomber rant madly, only catching snippets of the vile nonsense that spews from him.“- like swine, they are a plague to the system! And they must be purged from this planet, and the next, and the next— every last filthy one!” You spare a glance to Hareem, to find her watching the scene in hypnotized horror, but your eyes snap back at the sound of something maniacal, drawing your attention. It’s laughter. The zealot begins to laugh a twisted, mocking cry that makes you want to vomit. “You might have me in binders Mandalorian, but you’re too late. You’re too late. This isn’t over!” He’s practically giggling, gleeful and demented. Disturbed. “You’ve only found one.”

Your blood runs cold.

Only one? Oneoneoneone, one what-

The realization hits you with a punch to your gut. He’s only detonated one of his bombs. Somewhere, nearby, there must be another.

Without another word, the Mandalorian whips the smaller man around, pulling him sharply by his collar to collide with his breastplate, completely dwarfing him with his beskar frame. “Where is it, X’elo?” Nothing. Only laughter. High pitched, terrible roars. He tries again, patience ebbing. “The bomb. Now.” X’elo’s head tilts back and he howls another crowing shriek, keeping private his own sick joke, as if clutching a secret to his chest with slimy hands.

The bounty hunter had heard enough. He clearly wasn’t getting anything more out of him, and with a quick strike, he rears his blaster and pistol whips the terrorist with it. The body drops. Volcur X’elo crumples, unconscious, blood streaming from where he was struck. You hear the Bardottan behind you stifle a cry with her fist.

And with that, Lothal’s sun disappears completely, stealing away the last of it’s light as it furls into itself, shrinking out of sight. The dark ushers a new wave of dread, creeping over Jortho like a miasma, poisoning the very air.

The Mandalorian wheels around, searching for his heading in the labyrinth of the town. Others have gathered now, poking their heads around corners, stealing glimpses through windows. He turns, his head on a swivel. “Where is your power generator?” he demands, addressing the small crowd, but you’re all too stunned to speak. “Anybody. Generator. Now.” There’s something new in his voice, something muddled, and it takes you a moment to interpret it. It’s desperation, you realize, tinny and deep through his vocoder, and with a surge of adrenaline you move forward, furthering yourself from your group. You swallow. “I-Its this way.” Upon hearing your voice, he spins around, his visor latching on to you, and with a nod you both set out.

“Watch him,” the Mandalorian growls past his shoulder, stepping over the bounty’s limp body.

///

You’re still not really sure how he knew where it’d be, you wonder to yourself, gravel crunching under foot as you both trudge on, an eery quiet settling over them. You’d say it was a lucky hunch, but judging by the way the Mandalorian carries himself, you doubt luck had much to do with it.

You had led him to the power generator hub on the other side of the sad excuse for a city, traveling in tense silence, and when you came upon that tall, bulky machine he sprang into action, circling it until he found what he was looking for. The bomb. You stood back, rooted there, and after some grunting and rewiring— or maybe he just hacked at it with a vibroblade, you had no idea; his wide frame engulfed his work and you couldn’t tell what he was up to, all you knew was that his methods proved successful— the man managed to disarm the second device. You had thought you noticed his shoulders release, slumping with relief, after the red flashing lights on the rudimentary interface flickered and then went dark.

And so here you are. The two of you, bathed in the bright light of Lothal’s twin moons, their bellies hanging full in the blue-black night, illuminating the trail of blood staining the dirt beneath your boots as the Mandalorian roughly drags the body by his ankle behind him— through the exploded rubble, through the fragmented lives of the people around you, already displaced and estranged. They’ll all have to move, you think, pack up their lives, or what little is left of them, and relocate. Again. The thought sinks in you like a stone, sobering you.

Even with the weight of a fully grown man to lug, the bounty hunter is still a few long strides in front of you and your eyes are trained on the unconscious form, taking in the way his mouth lolls open like an animal, his hair matted with thick blood, eyes rolled back into his head. You’re talking out loud before you even realize it.

“How sick do you have to be,” you mumble, transfixed. Your voice, it’s not angry; no, shock has effectively robbed you of that— it’s not anger, but bewilderment. Quivering, broken bewilderment.

“H-How hoodwinked and warped you’d have to be, how disturbed... For you to think like that. To do all... all this...”

“Hey,” his gruff voice shakes you from your trance, and you blink up at him, tearing your eyes off the body. “Focus,” he urges, and you can only nod dumbly back at him, suddenly feeling a ripple of nausea slither through you.

The ramp to his ship is lowering as they come upon it and you plant yourself at the base, feet seeming to stop on their own accord, and frankly you’re not really sure why you’ve even followed him this far in the first place— always a step behind him as he hauled his bounty all the way through the vestiges of Jortho, across the arid prairie to where he first touched down. Maybe it’s because you feel untethered, unmoored, and all of his steeled surety is like a lighthouse, a beacon, guiding you away from the rocks.

He heaves X’elo up the ramp and you’re left standing there, staring unseeingly into the durasteel, becoming more and more aware of the ringing in your ears. The longer time passes, the more it’s as if you’re underwater, the background blurring into the foreground, sound gargled and far away. A high pitched buzz pinches your ear drums, and it takes you a moment to realize the Mandalorian is calling out to you, trying to get your attention.

“— Dala.”

Does he sound annoyed? Kriff, you think he might... If you had your wits about you, you might be able to recognize it. But as it stands, you don’t. You’re not here, not all of you. You’re splintered. Suspended.

“Hmm? Sorry, what..?” Your mouth is as dry as Jakku— parched desert tongue darting across your cracked lip, tasting soot and ash and something metallic. Brow furrowed, you touch a shaky finger to the flesh and when you pull it back, crimson red dots your skin.

Oh, you think, numb. Huh.

Your eyes skitter back up to the Mandalorian, towering over you, nearly at the apex of the incline, and his stance is broad and his fists are clenched. You’re almost positive he’s glaring down at you through his visor, and you don’t even know the man, can’t even see his damn face, but you can tell he’s peeved— Maker, just how long had you been ignoring him?

A scratched noise comes through his helmet’s vocoder and his next words are clipped, punctuated. “I said, do you have a way off this skug hole?”

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shirtlesssammy · 3 years

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15x20: Carry On

Warning: Boris is a salty, sad fangirl right now so the first part of this recap might be more bitter, reductive venting than is necessary. Please skip ahead to enjoy Natasha’s far more nuanced and enjoyable second half of the recap.

The Road So Far: Cue Carry On Wayward Son

Then:

Salmondean Winchester, the boy with the demon blood and daddy’s blunt little instrument, finally defeats Chuck and gets a taste of true free will

Now:

*Fun domestic montage*

Sam Dean gets a dog! (Okay, fine, Miracle is super cute, and a complete stand-in for Cas --but that thought just sends me on another anger spiral.)

Dean squeezes the shit out of that dog, and I hurt for that touch-starved man.

Sam goes for a run, so like, I guess his life is the same. (thanks to Dean always protecting him and allowing him some normalcy in life) (I’m bitter, remember?)

Dean Sam makes breakfast! Dean brushes his teeth! Sam is SHIRTLESS one last time!

*Shirtless Sammy Alert*

Dean’s room is INEXPLICABLY messy! I do get what this whole montage is doing, and it’s nice, but I’m pretty sure when Becky said the fans like the domestic stuff, it was supposed to include CAS AND OTHER FAMILY. Basically, overlay the Where’s the Angel? gif all over this sequence for me.

And finally, we find the boys are still hunting. Because freedom is just a length of rope.

Dean finds a case, but first they have to stop and get pie! Yay! Dean loves pie, and women, and fast cars. Grumpy-faced Sam humors his big, dumb brother. Yay!

Dean Sam thinks about Cas and Jack. Dean brushes off the thought with a Wherps, gotta keep moving attitude, and I already WANT TO SET THE WORLD ON FIRE. Sam then pies Dean in the face, so we have that.

In suburban America, a mother starts to ready her children for bed. There’s a knock at their door and the father answers it. There’s nobody there, and as he turns around, he’s knifed in the back, his wife looking on in horror.

Skull masked killers enter the home. The mother and children run upstairs. The mother is quickly dispatched, and the kids soon follow.

Agents Singer and Kripke check out the crime scene.

They learn more about the parents: exsanguinated and throat ripped out father, tongue ripped out mother. The children are missing. The cop shows a drawing of the killers. Dean (in a wildly out of character move!) uses his photographic memory to remember a case his fucking father botched back in the day. Dean pulls out the journal (MY GOD THERE’S BEEN NO GROWTH)

For TFW Science (because Cas is the tree):

They determine they’re dealing with a roaming band of vampires.

At night, a couple of vampmimes arrive at a house. Dean beheads one right away. Sam shoots the other with dead man’s blood. Dean removes the mask to reveal a normal looking vampmime. Why the masks?? Dean wants answers, and Dean “I’m not a killer” Winchester threatens the vamp with a quick death or slow death (with a spoon). The vamp spills the kids’ whereabouts.

*Much Anticipated Barn Scene Alert*

(Psych! Don’t get your hopes up, what lies ahead is bullshit.)

The masked vamps are crawling all over the joint, but Dean and Sam Winchester can handle it! This is a milk run! They get the kids free and face the big bads.

Fight! Chop! Slice! The boys are overwhelmed. Sam gets knocked out one last time. Dean’s held down to the ground so OMG GUYS!!! JENNY IS BACK!??!?!!? I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE THEY GOT HER BACK!! (This joke is so old by now and it’s only been 3 days, sigh.) I did not remember her at all (but then I’m a TFW purest and tend to not watch the early seasons ---and I NEVER HAVE TO AGAIN!) (Natasha: coughs and points at our recap list.) (Boris: shit.) Dean remembers though, and talks just long enough for Sam to wake and chop her head off. See ya, Jenny!

More fighting!

Sam takes out another vamp and Dean tussles with the last one ---and is pushed backwards right into the rebar hook in the wall. So that happened. (I’m trying to stay calm, but I’m a ROILING CESSPOOL OF ANGER AND CONFUSION AND BITTER RIGHT NOW.)

Sam kills the vamp. He’s ready to find the kids and leave. “Sam, I don’t think I’m going anywhere.”

Dean pulls Sam close. HE’S BEEN IMPALED! Poor little snowman. Dean makes Sam promise not to try to resurrect him. He tells Sam that he’s proud of him and that he’s always looked up to him. That he was scared to be rejected by Sam in that very first episode when he went to get him from college. “I must’ve stood outside your door for hours. Because I didn’t know what you would say. Tell me to get lost or to get dead.” JESUS SHOW JUST LET DEAN LIVE AND BE LOVED. (Boris: In the alt version where Cas is there too, he’s instead telling Cas about watching him outside the Gas ‘n Sip. why do I do this to myself?)

Sam cries, afraid to go through the world alone. Dean tells Sam to always keep fighting, tells him he loves him, and DIES. He dies clutching his chest and the whole season we think we’ve been getting heart and chest imagery as a symbol of love but instead it was just? Foreshadowing? Of getting impaled through the chest cavity and dying?

Dean dies, and Sam is wrecked, and I call up 911 to inform them that I have been ROBBED of one Dean Winchester finally getting to live his life. (This is indeed, a beautifully acted scene. I just...wish I couldn’t feel a damn thing about it.)

Sam burns Dean on a lonely pyre, with nobody else around but the dog.

For Sam Gets a Dog but at What Cost Science:

Sam wakes alone, in mourning. There’s no dialogue - only a Sad!Sam montage of remembering the people he’d lost in the bunker. (Was this script only like 5 pages?) One of Dean’s cell phones rings. It’s a sheriff who’d been referred to Dean by Donna. (DONNA DOESN’T KNOW FML) There’s a case, so Sam takes off. He shuts down the bunker and it goes dark.

We cut to Dean in Heaven. It’s beautiful - a wilderness of mountains. Dean’s greeted by Bobby sitting at the quiet Roadhouse. Bobby tells Dean that he’s free - and Heaven’s free. Jack opened Heaven and tore down the walls before he took off for places unknown. I am GLAD ABOUT THIS. It’s about time for Heaven to be a true reward, but this show took Dean TOO SOON. “It ain’t just Heaven, Dean. It’s the Heaven you deserve.” Bobby drops one last reveal: “Cas helped.”

They drink together. “it’s almost perfect,” Dean says.

“He’ll be along,” is Bobby’s quiet response. (Our hearts rise thinking about Cas.) Time’s different in Heaven, Bobby explains. (Boris: Jeremy Bearimy, baby!) “What are you gonna do now, Dean?” Dean decides to go for a drive. He gets into Baby and drives away to the tune of “Carry on my wayward son.”

Cut to a montage showing Sam raising a child with “Dean” on the coveralls. (To quote a friend of mine: That goes against basic child safety, Sam!) While Dean drives, Sam raises a son.

In Sam’s house, the portraits only show pictures of the original Winchesters: Sam, Dean, Mary, John. Me to set dressers: EXTREME SIDE EYE - way to show Sam’s “full life.” Sam kept the Impala in storage, and possibly sits in it and weeps from time to time, as one does.

Much later, Sam dies in his home of “old age disease,” as someone on Tumblr put it. “It’s okay, you can go now,” baby Dean tells Sam, mirroring Sam’s words to his brother. AAAAAND Sam out. Remember, words can kill, kids!

Dean stops on a beautiful bridge and gets out to survey the world.

Dean smiles and the camera pans out. “Hey, Sammy,” he says. The boys are wearing the same outfits as the first episode because SYMBOLISM. (Boris: Symbolism? Like there was no growth or change or...Boris will stay out of your mentions.) (Natasha: Exactly.) They hug, and I do get emotional, because I’m not the burnt and broken shell of a fan that I may appear to be.

We get a “thank you” from Jared and Jensen on the bridge, and then the camera pans away to show the crew. We send them a giant box of MASKS FOR FUCK’S SAKE. And then we set this episode aside as unfulfilling fan fiction and move on with our lives.

Am I sad to see this show end? Yes, I am! Were there things I liked about this episode? Sure! Were there things I so viscerally disliked that I’m still sleeping poorly? Absolutely. That’s love, right? We’re still raw, but we WILL BE BACK on Monday with a new recap of an old episode. See you all then!

Quote on My Wayward Son:

I don’t have a choice. This is my destiny

It’s like running into somebody from high school, you know? Somebody you don’t want to see

Stay with me, please

I’m not leaving you. I’m gonna be with you right here, every day

Cas helped

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#spn recap #spn spoilers #spn 15x20 #carry on #dean winchester #sam winchester #bobby singer #unbelievable I can't tag Cas in the very last episode of this show #supernatural season 15

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the-bee-graveyard · 3 years

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My finale review:

I wanted to the see transformation. I feel robbed. I was building myself up for it and everything it’s like the first time I was looking forward to a Ricky scene.

EJ getting Mr. Mazarra a job 😭

Big Red and Ashlyn kiss! I’ll cross that off my bingo card!

Kourtney and Howie ☺️

So basically Jamie just shows up fucks everything up and leaves again?

Someone needs to slap Miss Jenn in the face. That’s not the type of shit you say to children ma’am? Children who just poured their heart and soul into that performance?

I like Nini a tiny bit better.

Nice song.

“Big red you were there too” or some shit like that. I laughed even though I probably should not have.

Lily and little French man who’s name I can never remember (I doubt he’s even really French but I’ll let Disney reveal that plot twist for themselves later) this is not your moment so with all due respect, which is realistically none, fuck off

“We all deserve second chances” bitch you literally committed a crime last episode. Shut up and save it for court.

Jenzarra!!!!!!!

Okay yay it’s happening Portwell’s happening

I’m lowkey disappointed about the menkies. Like Miss Jenn was such a bitch about them and for what?

So Nini and Ricky can get a song but Carlos and Seb can’t get a kiss? The two of them had like ten lines in the whole damn episode! Did Disney forget they wrote them as mains or?

Natalie!!!!!!

Where’s my season three confirmation Disney, where?

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts spoilers #redlyn #seblos #Portwell

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mrsgreenworld · 3 years

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Son Yaz Episode 23

"İmkansız" ("The Impossible") aka It's Worth It

It's strange but after the last episode I've been thinking a lot about Arrow. Sure I'm a big Arrow and Olicity fan. Hell, they're the reason I got a Tumblr account. When the show ended, it was tough. Because it had been a part of my life for several years and it resonated with me deeply and it had given me a sense of community and belonging. So I feared I would never feel it again. But then Sen Çal Kapımı kinda attacked me, pulled me in and it was so great - feeling this passionate about something again. And despite SCK having turned into a mess and huge disappointment, I'll always appreciate those early days and keep them in my heart. After all, it brought me to you @lolo-deli and @djemsostylist. This alone is something I'm very grateful for. But my disappointment with SCK left me wondering yet again: would I ever find something worth watching and shipping and obsessing over? I got my answer when, after having seen all the amazing gifs by @aslibekroglu, I finally gave in and started watching Son Yaz. And it's completely taken over my life ever since. Not in a way SCK had back in the day. By similar to the way I felt when I was watching Arrow. I know it may seem kinda crazy because Son Yaz and Arrow are two completely different shows. Like, two shows cannot be any further apart, almost to the point of polar opposites. But I've realized that, if we look past the genre, language, the storytelling and all other differences, there's something very similar in the heart and core of both these shows. I looked at Akgün in the last episode and holy shit how much he reminded me of Oliver Queen. And I'll gladly explain why. Let's get down to it.

Akgün

So how the hell did I end up comparing Akgün Gökalp Taşkın and Oliver Queen? It's very simple really (at least it is in my mind 🙈😆) and I'm surprised I haven't made this connection before. Because both Akgün and Oliver are essentially the same type of character - a tortured hero, tainted by darkness and burdened with past sins but ultimately a very good person with a pure heart, bright light inside and infinite capacity to love. Both of them don't hesitate to make sacrifices for those they love, they can be borderline suicidal when it comes to protecting their loved ones. Sure Oliver had a mission and wanted to make a difference by helping people and protecting the whole city. Akgün doesn't have these ambitions. But then again Son Yaz isn't a superhero type of show. But if we remove the "super" part and focus on just the men, we'll see that what they both crave is actually very simple - love and family. I also think that Akgün reminds me of Oliver more now because in season 1, despite his difficult childhood and the loss of his mother, there still was some innocence left in him, he wasn't truly touched by the darkness. It changed when he shot his brother and helped Selim beat up to death and then buried a man, possibly still alive. Taking someone's life robs a person of innocence. Same thing happened to Oliver. However, he's way more acquainted with darkness, given how he dropped bodies left and right at the beginning of his vigilante career. It's clear that Akgün and Oliver had very different journeys but it's impossible for me to ignore the core similarities.

Another thing Akgün and Oliver have in common is their desire to not just protect their loved ones from the dangers and evil of this world, but also from themselves, their own darkness. They deem themselves unworthy of the women they love. Akgün even straight out confessed it to Yağmur in the moment of panic. That's the reason he left - he didn't want to taint her with his darkness. But then again, he's never truly left her or given up on her. He's given up on himself. He's doomed himself to loneliness.

I must say that episode 23 in general made me love Akgün even more. We saw not only his devotion and fierce love for Yağmur but his love and loyalty to Soner. Their brotp is one of the best things on this show and I sure hope they won't destroy it.

The Rocket Team (yes, the name is now canon!!!!) reunion gave me all the feels. Seeing these three grown men turn into teary eyed mess just melted my heart.

Throughout the whole episode we saw Akgün trying to be there for everyone. He didn't want to argue with and go against Selim but he also didn't want to betray Soner. The scene where Akgün met with Selim and told him that Soner and Naz had gotten married, made me so proud of him. He was the reasonable one in that moment. That's a first 🙈😆 At the end of the scene Akgün also managed to make me laugh. Really laugh. I didn't think I would be laughing any time soon this season but his wild gestures, his frustration with Selim and his "just listen to me for once" - all of that was funny to watch.

Just like I said, Akgün was supportive and tried being there for everyone, that's why he was immediately on board with the wedding. Soner had to only ask and it's like the three years of not having seen each other were erased in that moment. Akgün didn't try to talk Soner out of it, didn't ask any questions. He did remind Soner of the consequences but it was very cautious, filled with love and concern, without overstepping and disrespecting Soner's choice.

Then there was Yağmur... Akgün and Soner going to search for her and then the moment when Akgün found Yağmur in that storage room - that was for sure the highlight of the episode for me. First we saw Akgün and Soner working together as a well-oiled machine. Perfect partners in crime 😎 And after they split, the moment when Akgün stopped for a second and just smelled Yağmur... Damn. Such a parallel to Yağmur smelling him in episode 22. It doesn't matter how many years have passed, what they've been through, how much they've changed, doesn't matter if there's anger and pain and so much unsaid between them - they still just feel each other. Their connection is there, strong as ever. And Alperen totally knocked it out of the park, showing Akgün's panic and raw fear the moment he found Yağmur. He'd never seen her like that and it shook him to the core. I swear he looked ready to cut his chest open, take out his heart or, I don't know, lungs and give to Yağmur, just to make it stop, just to make her okay again 😭😭😭

When Naz tried to tell Akgün about Yağmur and what she had been through, Akgün didn't want to hear it. Because he couldn't bear it. But in the end he was forced to witness Yağmur's breakdown. The first one of many others to come. And when they come, he won't be able to stay away any longer.

Yağmur

Yağmur's journey this season is all about healing and acceptance. She has to live through those 5 stages of grief. Just like Meredith Grey once said: "There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us. But there are always five". And I already said in my episode 22 review that Yağmur locked herself in denial. Naz in her conversation with Akgün confirmed it. But ever since Akgün showed up in the restaurant, it's like the floodgates of Yağmur's grief have been open. She started spiralling, diving head first into anger. All her anger was directed at Akgün. And even though Yağmur came to visit Akgün in prison to say that she was no longer angry with him, her biting words, the "I don't love you anymore" and the following panick attack - all of that only proves that she's still just as angry with him as she was, simply because she's still very much in love with him.

I think Yağmur's bargaining stage of grief revealed itself with Naz, when Yağmur went to the hotel to bring Naz home. In Yağmur's head there is this idea that she has to protect Naz, she's convinced that she can save her cousin from suffering Canan's fate. But Naz refused to go with Yağmur, therefore making Yağmur feel helpless and maybe even abandoned. Already in this fragile and vulnerable state, Yağmur completely lost it after having heard gunshots. She finally started accepting that something's wrong. And it's so important that, when she finally said the words "I don't recognize myself anymore", Akgün was the one she said those words to. It's like she had been waiting for him all this time. Naz told Akgün that Yağmur needed someone to tell her what had happened to her. Akgün's that someone. Only with Akgün back in her life, Yağmur will finally accept her mother's death and then start moving on.

Selim

I don't have much to say about Selim in episode 23 other than a string of curses 🤬🤬🤬.

I've never loved this character and barely even liked him. Canan made him bearable and with her gone... Well, we've got what we saw in the last episode. I wonder how he was never kicked out of his job. Not only was he completely unhinged but also absolutely stupid and unprofessional during that mission with Sare. Then him forcing Akgün to choose between himself and Soner. And of course him storming into Yağmur and Emel's house, yelling and demanding to see Naz. Mister, it's not your place to demand anything, let alone act all righteous and question Emel as a mother. I swear, I wanted to rip his tongue out 😠😡😤

That's pretty much all I have to say about Selim in the last episode. Well, I've got more to say but I don't see it moving forward without me spitting profanities and turning violent.

A few honourable mentions:

🖤 Naz and her attempt to talk to Akgün about Yağmur.

🖤 Sare was kinda funny and she deserved a cookie for putting up with Selim. Glad they didn't make her stupid and she figured out that she was being followed.

🖤 Cihan trying to help Yağmur with her panick attack was very sweet. It was a nice first meeting. Although him being her secret admirer is kinda creepy and makes zero sense for now. I really hope they're going to show how it all started. Speaking of Cihan. I'm kinda conflicted about him. On the one hand, he's sweet and gentle with Yağmur, pretty hot when he was speaking German but also cunning and cold-blooded when he tipped off the Mertoğlu about Soner's whereabouts. And in episode 24 he's going to team up with Akgün to avenge Soner?🤔 Damn, the guy's making my head spin.

And that's pretty much it. Görüşürüz!

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gale-gentlepenguin · 4 years

Text

Gale’s Top Ten: Favorite Akuma

Rules:

1. The Akuma must have been Canonically Akumatized in the show and Shown. (I.E. I won't be having any Comic book (which I don't read so no big deal) or Fan akuma)

2. The akuma must have been akumatized without Scarlet Moth involvement. (that means Rena Rage and Shell shock are out)

3. The akuma must be see in their akumatized state and full on transform (so no Princess Justice or Verity Queen. No Destructor etc)

Aside from that, I will be judging them based on their Impact, Episode, appearance, powers, motive, Fights and my personal enjoyment of them.

_______________________________________________________________________

10. Santa Claws

I love Dabbing Evil Santa. He is here solely because of Personal enjoyment

I love the gimmick that he SANG his introduction, I love the Grinch Green Skin and the details on his belt. I also enjoy that he is just an evil Santa causing trouble. His Motivation for akumatization Makes sense as he is unjustly treated like crap by everyone and even gets attacked by Ladybug because she mistook him for a kidnapper.

Whether he is the real Santa or not is a mystery and while people are mixed on the Christmas special, he is my favorite part of it.

9. Kwami Buster

When there’s something strange, in your neighborhood. WHO YA GONNA CALL!?

Anyway, I really like the ghostbuster/ mad scientist vibe Kwami Buster has. She also is in one of the best written episodes of season 3. Her motivation from embarrassment and drive to prove her theory is great motivation, and she is one of the biggest threats to the heroes of Paris (while not so much everyone else.) She has a decent power set and overall is just fun to watch on screen.

8. Zombizou

The patchwork design, that sweet yet ominous look. Her whole persona. Zombizou is an interesting akuma. While a LOT of salt is thrown her way, I think people forget how much fun a zombie episode can be. Her power to spread Love via kisses quickly over runs Paris in a matter of minutes (resulting in Hilarious moments and touching ones) Ladybug and Chat noir are mostly playing catch up when dealing with her. Her motivation, which is her protecting her student is actually a first, and she actually tries resisting the akuma. this was a FIRST in the series. So I am putting one of my favorite akuma from season 2 here.

7. Gamer

While design wise, The Gamer is so-so. One can't deny that his fights aren't the most hype. His first appearance while his reasoning is a mixed bag, his giant mecha battle is fun on a bun. And his Gamer 2.0 episode is the best 2.0 no contest. The gamer is this high on the list for having the most fun battles

6. DarkOwl

The best akuma of season 2, the best episode of season 2, and one of the closest to getting the Miraculous. Many fail to really grasp how epic Dark Owl is. His motivation is one of the most understandable in the series, his akuma inspiration is a riff on old batman comics and they really go ham with it. His clash with Ladybug and Chat noir is creative and put the two in a corner. It is quite a feat, turning the goof into a Threat. I also like how Ladybug and Chat noir were actually trying to help him live out his dream instead of simply telling him off. This akuma has a lot of heart and really deserves more love

5. Oblivio

While design wise, Oblivio is probably the most plain and the motivation for the akuma is laughable, their powers, episode, impact and the personal enjoyment they gave me are all very high. This Akuma was effective and had Chat noir and Ladybug on the ropes. This is one of the most one sided fights that the heroic duo has against a single akuma. The ability to make people forget who they are is disturbing and incredibly powerful. Their actions in the first half of the episode made them appear like a monster or predator on the hunt for the weakened and vulnerable teens. It was something out of a suspense thriller.

4. Volpina

Be honest, when the word Akuma comes to mind, Volpina is one of the first villains that pops up. Volpina’s motivation, power set, personality, and Impact on the series is massive. Her appearance allowed for the events of season 2 to kick off, and she was a fan favorite for a while. People were Obsessed with her. While she use to be my second favorite akuma in the past, she loses out to the top three people in the spot. But she is still one heck of an akuma and likely one of the most malicious ones out there.

3. Stormy Weather

When the Word Akuma pops up, she is one of the first ones you see when googling. She is also arguably one of the single most powerful akuma with her power to control storms and apparently volcanos. Her confidence and personality SHINE through in her intro episode. Her design is my second favorite of all of the akuma in season 1. She was robbed in Stormy Weather 2.0. She deserved SO MUCH BETTER. Her episode is home to the most crisp animation in the series, so it is always a delight to watch. I love both the English dub and French dubs of her character. Mela Lee especially, She really nails the over the top villainess dialogue. You can tell she is having a ball with it.

2. Evillustrator

My favorite Akuma design in the series, The look, the style, the powers. His motive. Evillustrator nails it all down pact. Nathaniel’s akuma persona is how he dreams of his hero identity. His akuma is also the most unique in terms of personality. He is more of a take charge version of himself, just with a bit more malicious tendencies towards Chloé. The character he demonstrates in this one episode makes it such a crime that we don't see much of him until later and THEN he is regulated to the sidelines. He even promises not to hurt Chloé if Marinette goes to his birthday party. We even get to see what happens when akuma try and go against Hawkmoth. Also this episode is responsible for Marichat.

I recomend watching the English Dub for this episode. 2003 Tmnt fans will recognize him as the voice of Leonardo, and fans of the cheesy show Kappa Mikey will recognize him as Mikey Simon. Michael Sinterniklaas has a nice voice and when he reassures Marinette of things, nice.

Or you can watch the Japanese Dub if you really want to notice a difference in Nathaniel and Evillustrator’s personas. Like damn, Hiroshi Kōsaka Really makes Evillustrator sound like a Shojo Protagonist. Freaking kudos.

1. Chat Blanc

Don't you f***ing judge.

I adore Chat Blanc. The akumatized Chat noir really just strikes a chord with me. Bar none, the most powerful akuma with the most tragic motivation. The akuma the destroyed the world. Bryce Papenbrook really let his anime dubbing experience show. You could swear Erin Yeager was watching his mother get eaten by a titan when Chat noir was getting turned.

Chat blanc is a tragic warning that etches itself into Ladybug’s psyche, a threat so big that Bunnix needed to get involved. The scale of the fight is set.

The clash in the destroyed Paris with Ladybug is the best fight choreography in the series. While the episode is a very split point for some, it held a TON of emotional tension. Chat Blanc’s design takes inspiration from a Blue eyed white cat, Which fun fact, are deaf as a birth defect. This was a symbol as that he was unable to hear Ladybug’s reason. Chat Blanc was out of reach.

Also, he can just DESTROY EXISTENCE! Like yikes Hawkmoth, didn't think to put a limit on that?

There are so many fanfic interpretations of Chat blanc LONG before he became a thing, but NONE of them encapsulated the Tragedy and Awe that Chat Blanc truly brings.

#ml #akuma #miraculous ladybug #top 10 favorite akuma #gale's top 10 #gale's top ten #akumatized villains

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leverage-ot3 · 4 years

Text

notable moments from The Bank Shot Job

leverage 1.05

I decided I’m also going to start highlighting meta material in these posts for reference reasons (like for fics, headcanons, meta, etc)

I’m colorcoading by what character the meta pertains to btw

Clerk: Hello, Judge Roy.

Judge Roy: [slaps her ass] Hey, sweetheart.

Frank: Can I help you, your honor?

Judge Roy: Yes, Fred. Her phone number?

Frank: It's Frank. And she's 19, sir.

Judge Roy: That's too bad. She got a younger sister

diSgUsTiNG

- - - - -

Hardison: No. No more. We gotta talk to Nate. No more rip deals. They take too damn long.

Parker (ripping paper): That's why they're called "Rip Deals". You have to convince them they're getting a deal before you can rip them off.

Hardison: Two weeks. Two weeks sleeping in crappy hotels. Two weeks eating in crappy diners. Two weeks having my soul sucked dry. It's 107 degrees. Who lives where it's 107 degrees?

Parker: Juan's not so bad. I kinda like this town

I wanna see that domestic shit of them sharing hotel rooms and eating the continental breakfasts and dingy diners and everything about them living in rundown hotels for two weeks

- - - - -

Hardison: You know, I had to retask two satellites just to get a lousy internet connection. Took more than an hour to torrent the last episode of Doctor Who.

Parker: Hey! Illegal downloading's wrong. (lights paper on fire in trash can)

that’s it. that’s their relationship.

- - - - -

Hardison: How we coming on the breakdown?

Eliot (loading truck elsewhere): Fake addresses are shut down. Post office boxes are closed. The phones are cleared. Five more minutes, we never existed

bruh those props ??? I wish I had a screenshot but wtf where they DOING for the con ???

- - - - -

Hardison: Want me to call the Delgado family, tell them the news?

Eliot: Nah. Soon as I clear county line I want to do it. I just wish we could do more than bankrupt that corrupt son of a bitch

eliot is so good you guys im-

- - - - -

Nate: Get out. Now.

Hardison: Is he talking to us?

Parker: An unmarked van parked across the street from a bank that's being robbed? Yeah. I think he's talking to us.

Hardison: Yeah, well, five more feet and he would have been in the clear. What the hell was he thinking?

Parker: Don't be an idiot, Hardison.

Hardison: What?

Parker: Sophie was still in there

parker knows nate loves sophie and would never leave her behind because she may not always get people, but even she can see how much nate cares for sophie

- - - - -

Derrick: Everyone empty your pockets. Wallets, purses, watches, everything you've got, throw it over here.

(everyone throwing stuff to center of floor)

nate threw his fucking toothpick

- - - - -

Deputy Arnold: No, right here, right here, and we need ...

(Eliot crosses police line)

Deputy Arnold: Whoa, whoa, I need you to take a step back, sir.

Eliot: Tell me what's going on in there.

Deputy Arnold: I'm afraid I can't do that, this is an active crime scene, and you need to ...

Eliot: (to cop) I'm not talking to you. (to Nate) How many are there?

Nate: Yeah, you're right. Clearly amateurs, these two. Yeah. The younger one, looks like he's never handled a gun before.

Eliot: Is judge blow-hard next to you?

Nate: Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, definitely amateurs, That's what makes them so dangerous.

Eliot: Alright, 2 guys, both armed, neither one a criminal mastermind. You want me in there?

Deputy Arnold: Sir, we can't have you going inside the bank ...

Nate: Probably, uh, a good idea just to sit tight, don't you think? You know, and see where these guys' heads are

at, you know?

Eliot (backing away): Alright, your call boss.

Deputy Arnold: Thank you

poor deputy arnold + eliot being done with local law enforcement

- - - - -

Sophie: Okay. So what is the plan, Stan

“what’s the plan, stan” adorable.

- - - - -

(Eliot leans against a building across the street and watches Hardison and Parker pull up in a sedan)

Eliot: Nice ride.

Parker (taking notebook and removing badges): It's embarrassing. Everyone knows you don't rob a bank without an exit strategy. These two deserve to get caught. 42 seconds. (tosses notebook back to Eliot)

Hardison: What?

Parker: To rob this bank. One security guard who has never fired his gun before, 2 closed-circiut cameras outside, 1 inside, and a Glen-Reader safe built in the 50's whose default combination is the birth date of the manager's wife! Get in, get out, 42 seconds.

Hardison: Seriously

parker was so angry that she chucked the binder at eliot and he was like ??? we good ???

- - - - -

Hardison: Seriously? (to Bill) I'm Agent Leonard. This is Agent Elmore. We'll be taking over this crime scene,

Sheriff ...

Bill: Bill Hastings. Nice to meet you. You guys sure are quick, just called this in 20 minutes ago.

Hardison: Well, we were coming back from a little border skirmish. Patrol unit came under attack from a pack of Chupacabras.

Bill: Chupacabras? I thought those things were urban legend.

Hardison: You're adorable

I love it when hardison fucks with people it’s hilarious

- - - - -

Hardison: Whoa, what's going on?

Bill: Cut power to the bank. Standard operating procedure.

Hardison: Standard ... it's standard op ... it's standard? Where do you getting that bull-hockey from son?

Bill: Deputy Arnold, he took a seminar in crisis management last year.

Deputy Arnold: It was an online seminar. We got certificates.

Hardison: Certificates? Magic kits come with certificates. Does that make it cool for kids to saw their parents in half?

Bill: We're just going by the book.

Hardison: The ... the book? The book got a good man killed. I can't ... my blood pressure.

Parker: Ex-partner. Probably shouldn't mention the book again. Or propellers.

parker is doing so well with grifting considering and I’m so proud of her

- - - - -

Sophie: They are not cops, I promise you, they're friends of mine, you can trust them.

Derrick: Why should I trust you? I don't know who you are.

Sophie: I am a thief.

Derrick: Okay, I'm not sure what to do with that.

that’s it guys. that’s the show.

- - - - -

Nate: I didn't say it was going to be easy. But nothing's impossible, especially when you have the world's greatest thief on your payroll. Parker, have you ever robbed a bank that's being robbed?

Parker: There's a first time for everything.

her SMILE YOUR HONOR

- - - - -

Parker: The bank was built before 1980, before computers. Means it's got a larger than normal night deposit chute.

Hardison: 'Cause business had to drop off ledgers with their daily hauls. What, you thought my genius was only limited to ones and zeroes?

Parker: I'm thinking the chute's my way in. Only problem is, it's in the alley on this side of the building

the way she looks at hardison like damn boy you know my stuff

- - - - -

Hardison: I can take care of that, but, we actually have bigger problems.

Eliot: What's that?

Hardison: Well, Sheriff Coltrane over here called the FBI, the real FBI. Now the closes office is in San Diego, so they should be here, in about, um, give it 45 minutes.

Nate: We can't worry about that now.

Hardison: When do we worry about it?

Nate: In about 45 minutes

hardison, internally: lord give me strength

- - - - -

Hardison: Hold on ... Excuse me. (answers phone) Agent Leonard. We will do whatever you need us to do, just please, don't hurt anybody. Okay. (hangs up) Guys ... Boys, boys, come on, gather 'round. Now boys, that was THE call. The call we were waiting for. Now look, they have a list of demands. First off, they want 12 large pizzas. One cheese, one Hawaiian, extra pineapple. Two pepperoni and black olives, two meat lover's, t ... Seriously? Nobody's writing this down? Seriously? One triple-shot half-caf vanilla latte, tall,

(Parker goes down alley and opens deposit drop box)

Hardison: …three of the latest copies of the Hall and Oates CD. I know, right? Exciting stuff I didn't know they were coming out with a new one either. We're gonna need steaks. Steaks and a grill. They're trying to tailgate. Okay, they need your overalls, I don't know why. They need some kibbles n' bits, we need an Etch-A-Sketch, somebody in there likes to squiggle okay ... Are we good? Let's go people. Everybody. I need you guys moving. Everybody get out. Go. (hardison points at an officer) You stay. We need to talk about Hall & Oates.

I fucking loved this monologue,,, hardison is VERY GOOD at improvising

- - - - -

(Derrick opens night deposit box)

Parker: Hi.

Derrick (hands her the briefcase): There's a lot of money in there.

Parker: Yeah, I know.

Derrick: My wife's life depends on that money getting where it needs to go.

Parker: I understand. Sometimes bad guys are the only good guys you get

parker’s face softened and you can see that she understood. parker didn’t get people in the beginning of the show, and sure her values and ideas aren’t typical, but she was ALWAYS a good person. she cared and understood what was at risk and she consoled him.

also, this is yet another piece of evidence that parker was the main character all along!!! I’m not gonna go super into it because there are already posts out there about it, but she had three (3) episodes dedicated to her character in season one alone AND had her say what is basically the mission statement of the show here in this scene

- - - - -

Sophie: Things could be worse.

Nate: Worse than me getting shot and you blowing our cover?

Sophie: No, no, you're not gonna lay that crap on me. We wouldn't even be in this mess if you'd just walked out with the cash when you had the chance. I would've been fine.

Nate: I know.

Sophie: Yeah, I can take care of myself. I've been doing it a long time. Since way before I met you. I'm just saying.

Nate: Yeah, you're right.

Sophie: Okay

nate knows sophie is a strong independent woman and that is one of the only things I stan about him lol

- - - - -

Sophie: We lost communication.

Nate: Yeah, we did.

Sophie: Hardison, Parker, and Eliot ...

Nate: That's right, they are on their own. Yup.

they ended up doing great on their own, but also, can we acknowledge what a glow up it was building up to the rundown job ???

- - - - -

(Mom gets out of truck and tries to run)

Meth #2: Where the hell you think you're going, old lady? (pulls mom back) Where the hell you think you're g ...

Eliot (catches Meth #2’s arm): Hey, what smells like crank and screams like a girl? (Takes his gun and breaks his knee)

Meth #2: AAHH!

Eliot (kicks car door closed before Meth #3 can get out, empties the bullets from gun): That's the right answer. (throws gun into car at #3, hits #1 as he approaches) Come on. (fights #1, kicks door shut, beats #1 more, kicks door again) Stay in the car. (beats the hell out of #3 and #1, kneels down near mom and removes her gag)

Mom: Who are you?

Eliot: Well ma'am, we'd be the cavalry.

this entire fight scene always has me ROLLING it’s so funny

also I’m not sure if this should go on the List Of Non-Weapon Objects Eliot Uses As Weapons but eliot DID use the car door in the fight

- - - - -

Sophie: Just let the paramedics take him. The rest of us will stay.

Judge Roy: And give up my leverage

*sophie and nate look at each other*

both, internally: tHATS OUR WORD

- - - - -

Nate: Hey, listen. She's gonna be alright. Everything's gonna be alright

Derrick: Your people ... they're good?

Nate: Yeah. The best.

nate’s smile when he says that??? proud dad alert

- - - - -

Sophie (looking at replay of tape): You're still a geek.

Judge Roy: They're trying to ruin me.

Hardison: Geek power, baby. Stay strong!

in other words: age of the geek, baby

also- kudos to 2008 hardison editing video like that. I can’t do that shit with today’s tech lmao

- - - - -

Bill: Go home now. Bank robbers are in custody, hostages are safe. FBI's got the whole thing wrapped up.

Taggert: Do you have any idea what?

Mcsweeten: Just go with it.

Deputy Arnold: Mr. FBI guys, can you help me here?

Bill: My, my. Look at this. Our local drug boys, both with outstanding warrants. It's incredible.

Taggert: Damn, we're good!

mcsweeten and taggert stumbling onto the leverage crew’s cons and directly profiting off of them is iconic. they have no idea. too pure for this world

- - - - -

Sophie: Hey, thanks Parker.

Parker: Whatever.

Sophie: No. It was an excellent performance.

Parker: Yeah, I think I can act okay when I'm yelling at people and bossing them around.

Sophie: Well, it's a good start.

proud mom!sophie + grifting parker

Nate: Listen, we have to make sure we get the cash to the Delgado family. Ow!

Eliot (tending Nate’s wound): Oh! Settle down. You act like you've never been shot before.

Nate (glances at Sophie): So, uh, pizza boxes, huh?

Hardison: Yeah, I know, I know, You could have done better.

Nate: No, no, no. No I couldn't have.

eliot casually stitching up nate’s wound bc no hospitals but also can we talk about how much nate has to trust eliot to literally operate on him

nate giving praise to hardison ??? rare af I don’t know her

#leverage #the bank shot job #leverage 1.05 #leverage 1x05 #mine #notable moments #leverage season 1 #season 1

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mirkwoodshewolf · 4 years

Text

The Prankster Queen is dethroned; SPN & Lucifer cast x teen reader

*Author’s note*

Well this was a LOOOOOONG time request from my Wattpad account but I finally got some motivation to write and finish this fic. Now I talked with the requestor about this and some changes were made, originally this was gonna involve Criminal minds cast but I had barely watched the show at the time so I talked with them and they agreed to have this be a SPN X LUCIFER cast crossover. So I hope you all enjoy this little fic and until the next update.

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@platawnic

__________________________________________________________

“Okay guys; here we are back at the Supernatural set ready to start filming the 2nd half of season 14. Before I get into the special prank on Alex day I want to first send a very special thanks to the Lucifans for the #SaveLucifer and thank Netflix for renewing a season 4 and 5 of Lucifer. Yes I am a fan of that show as well. I mean I’ve got to my dad plays the famed Devil himself. No, no, no, no, no I’m joking. I watch the show because I really love what they did with it. The writing is phenomenal and the cast is super friendly. They’re like my second family next these guys here at Supernatural.”

I spoke through my Youtube channel streaming live. I could already see comments popping up along my livestream. Comments like ‘YASS LUCIFERXSPN SUPPORT’ or Winchester sister stans Lucifer.

“Yes I do thank you. Now for the moment you’ve all waited for. I’ve got the plastic wrap, the super glue, feathers, and fan. And of course the star of this prank on Alex, my baby boy Shadow.” I then presented my black German Shepherd who was lying on Alex’s trailer couch. “You ready to prank Alex boy?” he tilted his head to the side. “You ready to prank him?” he let out a bark and I cooed. “Good boy!” I flipped my camera back around and said. “Now Jared kindly set up the camera just a bit ago so I will transition to that in just a little while. For now I’m going to set up the door so please enjoy this fast forward montage of me getting the prank set up.”

I spread the super glue all around the plastic wrapping and tapped it across Alex’s trailer door so that when he would run right into it, he would get trapped with the plastic wrapping before I would attack with the pillow filled with feathers.

“Okay everything’s all set up. Now for the final touch, c’mon boy up on the bed.” He got off the couch and into Alex’s bed and just lay there at the foot of it. “Good boy.” I opened the trailer door and waited for Alex to come around. Once I saw him walking alongside Misha, I cried out. “ALEX! ALEX! SHADOW’S TAKING A SHIT ON YOUR BED!!”

“What!?”

“I’m not kidding I was walking him and he just ran in here and literally shit on your bed! Bad dog!”

“Shadow! Shadow! Damnit Shadow!” Alex then ran up and just like I hopped, he slammed right into the plastic wrap and fell right to the ground. I then pelted him with the pillow till his entire face was covered with feathers.

“BOOM SUCKA!!! That’ll teach you to eat my big cookie.” I told him.

“Okay maybe I deserved that.”

“Wow (y/n), all this for a cookie?” Misha said as he helped Alex back up on his feet.

“Misha you don’t understand. Those cookies were my mum’s special recipe. Plus she makes them so big that you can eat it in the space of a week. I was saving the last bit of it and then this guy decides it’s a good idea to eat the last of it.” I said pointing to Alex.

“You know….one of these days. We’re gonna get you back. Everyone that you’ve pranked, we’re gonna get you.” Alex spoke as he coughed out trying to get the feathers out of his mouth.

“The day that happens is the day J2(I/l) turns on each other. And the boys and I have been doing this for a long, long time.” I sassed as I snapped my finger and Shadow hopped off Alex’s bed and we left the trailer.

Little bit about myself; the names (Y/n) Ellis, the last name sound familiar? Yep you thought right. Tom Ellis aka Lucifer Morningstar is my father. He and I have been in the acting business together for a good amount of years. In fact he’s helped me when it came to running lines or dealing with the pressures of the acting life, especially since I started off as a child actor at the age of 5.

I had a few small roles, but when I was just 9 years old a role on a little show called Supernatural came knocking at my door. As a young British girl I was worried that I wouldn’t get it because this was an American tv show and I had to speak with an American accent. But thanks to a good dialect coach, and 2 test screenings with the boys to see if we were a fit, I got to play the role of Sarah Winchester, the younger half-sister of Sam and Dean who was cursed with witch powers.

But instead of killing her, Sam and Dean actually take her in and she uses her magic for good instead of evil. For years the Supernatural cast didn’t just become an ordinary job, it was like being home, we became a family. Jared and Jensen were like the big brothers I never had (even though they were around my dad’s age).

When things got too tough around set, J2 always found a way to make me smile and laugh. And as the years passed, Misha came on board followed by the 2 Marks, Ruth, Brianna and Kim, Osric, Rob and Richard, and now finally Alexander Calvert. The Supernatural family is a tight bond and we all send out a powerful message that Family don’t end in blood, and to Always Keep Fighting when things got bad.

Then when season 11 of my show was being filmed, my dad had gotten the role of Lucifer Morningstar in Fox’s new tv series “Lucifer” which was basically the story of the devil taking a vacation from Hell and he ends up working with the LAPD alongside a clever detective named Chloe Decker.

When Lucifer exploded every time I went to conventions, fans always ask me questions about potential crossovers or what I thought of the show. And truthfully I loved it. In fact whenever I would wrap on my time on a season, I took the hour and 45 minute drive where they filmed Lucifer and spend time with my dad and the Lucifer cast.

Lauren, Aimee and Lesley became my partners in crime when it came to the subtle pranks on the Luci cast or even my dad. Aimee and I are always making Instagram videos of each other acting like complete nutjobs, she’s like the older sister I’ve always wanted (since I am the eldest of my three sisters).

But that’s my life, and if you were to ask me if I could trade it away for anything else, I would tell you hell no (no pun intended).

After getting Shadow back into my trailer, I decided to see if my dad was willing to talk. I grabbed my I-Pad and went over to Facetime and clicked my dad’s name (of course I added the devil emoji beside his name). It rang about five times before I finally got an answer.

“There’s my little She-devil.” He answered with a smirk.

“Hey dad.” I said with a smile.

“Aimee saw your prank on that Alex chap.”

“She like it?”

“Mini Ellis you are a she-devil genius!” Aimee soon came into the frame. “You got to show me how that brilliant mind of yours works.”

“Guess I learned from two of the very best. I know exactly how to push buttons but not go overly extreme that it hurts someone’s soul. I’m not completely soulless like Jared is when it comes to pranks.”

“I still can’t believe he actually cut one of his credit cards. That’s super low.” She said.

“I know. I’ve been trying to get him to ease back and not go quite extreme. So far he hasn’t done it knock on wood.”

“Anyways you two, what brings on this call my dove?” my dad asked.

“Just wanted to call and see how you were doing. How’s season 4 coming along?”

“Great. Everything is great. Thanks to the Lucifans, and the Supernatural family.” My dad said.

“No sweat. You’re my dad. I’m still pissed that FOX could just cancel your show like that. And the way they would’ve ended it. God that’s literally the worst cliffhanger ever!”

“Tell me about it.” Aimee groaned.

“But it’s all fixed now. Netflix will take good care of us now. Plus we don’t have as much restrictions as FOX gave us.” My dad teased. I then heard a knock at my trailer door which made Shadow raise his head up from his bed and his attention turned toward the door.

“Hang on dad, who is it?!”

“It’s Jared! C’mon kiddo they need us on set now.”

“Alright I’ll be there in a minute.” I turned back to my dad and Aimee and my dad said to me.

“Go on, we’ll catch up later.”

“Alright dad. Give my love to the rest of the cast.”

“You already have my love mini Ellis.” Aimee said.

“Love you Aims!”

“Alright darling love you. Stay safe and have fun filming your next season.” The two of them blew me a kiss goodbye and I waved bye to them and the Facetime shut off. I put my phone aside and quickly refilled Shadow’s water bowl before I took off and raced towards the set.

Although unbeknownst to both Jared and Jensen something was waiting for them. As I walked in on the set I sat down at the spot where my character Sarah was to sit for this upcoming scene.

“Okay guys on cue marks. Cue lighting and roll sound.” I got into the mindset of Sarah and took the prop book in my hands as our director called out, “Okay cue Jensen and Jared. And…..action.” it was then Jensen came down the staircase while Jared came out from the back corridor.

“Hey, so any word from Jodie?” Jensen asked as Dean to Jared.

“No not yet. Hey Sar, any luck with the research?” Jared asked me as Sam.

“Not a damn thing. God even for a witch like me I still can’t figure out the spell to get us to that other place. I’m sorry guys I may be strong, but I’m not Rowena strong.”

“No, no it’s alright. It’s okay. We’ll……find another way.” Then Jared and Jensen took their seats before suddenly jolting upwards and letting out girlish screams of shock and pain.

“CUT!!!” our director called out.

“The hell was that!?!” Jensen proclaimed.

“Oh thank god I thought it was just me.” Jared sighed with relief. I kept my poker face up as I said to them.

“What happened just now?”

“Something shocked us. I don’t know what but whatever it was, it should never have shocked me back there. My butt does not deserve that kind of treatment!” he looked around the cushioned seat until he found some sort of electronic shock pad. It was slightly smaller than the cushioned pad and as soon as Jensen took hold of it and pressed a certain button, it caused another shock to run through his arm as he swore out loud and shake his arm.

“Uhh Jensen why would you do that?” I asked him.

“I don’t know I needed to see if it was real or not don’t judge me!”

“How the hell did these even get here?” asked Jared.

“No idea.” Jensen said. I covered my smile as I tried to act inconspicuous but that’s when the two of them looked at me. “You did this?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I said as I stood up and strutted out of the room sassily to run into Misha and I told him. “Your revenge plot has been successfully played out.”

“I knew I could count on you (n/n). Thanks.”

“No problem, but just know Misha all things come at a price with me. Pranking the kings don’t come without consequence.”

“I know, I know. But still I thank you for doing this for me. That’ll teach Jared to put old cheese in my pillow.” I patted his arm before leaving him to reset the scene again.

Weeks passed and filming continued on up until I was finally done with my scenes which meant that I was now allowed to travel on up to the Lucifer set and pop in and say hello. After bidding everyone goodbye until July, I got into the car and my driver Tommy drove me on up towards the studio where my dad and the rest of the Lucifer family were filming.

After finally arriving on the set, I saw Lauren and Aimee out and about with a Starbucks cup in their hands. As soon as they saw my car, they immediately waved. I rolled down my window and said.

“What up my Luci sistas!”

“Ahhh mini-Ellis!” Aimee proclaimed. Once the car stopped, I stepped out and I raced towards her and she met me in the middle as the two of us embraced each other tightly, rocking aggressively from side to side. “Where’s big Shadow? You usually bring him with you whenever you’re done with shooting.”

“Well for some reason Misha wanted to keep him around set. Guess he must’ve needed the fluffy protection from Jared and Jensen after the prank I pulled on them a few weeks back.”

“What’d you do to them?” asked Lauren.

“Just put a shock pad cushion underneath their chairs. Misha told me to do it to get back at Jared for putting old cheese in his pillow.”

“Wow those guys are relentless huh?” said Aimee.

“Yep. But enough of that now, let’s get going. I wanna watch you guys film some stuff.”

“Alright! C’mon kiddo let’s go.” Lauren wrapped her arm around me before playfully giving me a noogie while guiding me onwards to the set.

I greeted my Lucifer family like D.B, Kevin, Lesley-Ann, Rachael, and of course young Scarlett (ever since the show I officially adopted her as my younger sister).

“So, have you guys seen my dad anywhere?” I asked.

“Last we saw him he was leaving his trailer for costume and makeup.” Aimee said.

“Perfect.”

“What have you got in mind she-devil?” asked Lauren with a grin.

“Ohhh not much.” I grinned as I walked towards the costume and makeup trailers.

Once I got there, I had spotted my dad just getting out from the costume trailer in the full Lucifer suit. I grinned mischievously and slowly stalked towards him. This was something that I used to always do to him when I was a little girl, it’s been awhile but I hope I still got it. Like a tigress on the prowl I stalked behind my dad silent and carefully.

Whenever he turned around, I would hide behind anything I could whether it was the side of a trailer/tent, or even one of the many gold carts/motorbikes. Then when he would resume his walk, I trailed behind him once again. Closer and closer I got till finally I was within strike range.

The mighty huntress has cornered her prey.

I then trotted forward before leaping up but I was foiled when my dad turned around and managed to catch me and spin me around for a moment in his arms.

“Thought you’d sneak up on my again huh my little tigress? After all these years I finally caught you red handed.”

“Took you over 20 years but no time like the present eh?” my dad smirked down at me, the smirk that I had inherited from him, and said as he booped my nose.

“I just know when my daughter feels a little extra cheeky.” He bopped my nose as he said ‘cheeky’ which made me playfully stick my tongue out at him. “And put that tongue away young lady we are not a snake.”

“Wrong. Don’t you remember I got sorted into Slytherin when we went to Harry Potter world.”

“Yes I do recall that. But that’s still no excuse. Stick that tongue out at me again and I’ll give you a good whopping, do I make myself clear.”

“Yes father.” I submitted. He pecked my forehead before releasing me.

“So, you’ve finished with your filming?”

“Yep. Managed to wrap up a little early, at least for me.”

“Now I’ve been hearing a lot of rumors about you potentially branching off and getting your own spinoff series?”

“Well I don’t like to brag but it’s still a rumor. Not even I can confirm it. Besides, who knows if the CW will allow it. I mean don’t get me wrong the other two sub-series I didn’t agree with but Wayward Sisters, I would’ve LOVED to see that become something. Maybe have Sarah make a few surprise appearances.”

“Well, if the CW don’t allow it, maybe Netflix will. You never know. I could put in a good word for you.”

“Thanks dad.”

“Tom! Hey Tom! Susan needs you in makeup stat. You’re shooting in ten.” One of the make artists came racing up to us.

“Oh fu—sorry about that Johnny.” My dad wrapped an arm around my shoulders and the two of us walked towards the makeup trailer so that he could get ready.

After doing a quick touch up on my dad, the two of us left for the LAPD set and everyone was already running around getting to their marks or getting the cameras rolling. I sat right next to the director Sherwin as he was calling for cameras to focus and start rolling. Finally he called action and I got to sit and watch the new Netflix: Lucifer finally be filmed.

It was a long day of shooting and filming but it was a very productive day. I even got to learn about directing since (spoiler alert! I get to direct an episode this season of Supernatural!). I was currently right now sitting with my dad sipping a cup of tea.

“Now I know that one episode that witches have familiars. If Sarah were to have a familiar, which pet would she have and who would you want to play that familiar?” I hummed.

“Well. No offense to the women but most of the time when a new female comes on Supernatural she always ends up being a bitch. With the exception of Kim, Bri, Ruthie, Felica, and the rest of the Wayward sisters. So I’d have to say Sarah would want a male familiar. And yes while I do love dogs and would KILL to have Shadow actually be in front of the camera, I think she’d prefer a cat. Now for the actor to play him. Now don’t laugh but—this is my fantasy dream cast…..”

“Oh just get on with it will you little missy! Stop droning on!” my dad whined. I mimicked his whining before I finally admitted.

“Gwilym Lee okay!”

“The Welsh actor from that Midsomer murders series you used to watch?”

“Yeah, why not? I think he’d make a perfect cat familiar. Wise, loyal, good fighter. And—not that bad looking if I may say.”

“Alright down girl. I swear you and Aimee have been fawning over actors far too much.”

“Then you do not want to see me with the young Wayward sisters. We’re a lot worse. Plus it gets awkward when they start talking about you. Especially when it involves the Lucifer cast.”

“Oh my god.” He groaned.

“I know right!? It’s bad enough I hear from the fans about how much of a ‘thirsty dad’ you are. But now I have to hear it at work!” before my dad could say anything else, Lesley came running in with a worried look on her face. “Whoa Les, where’s the fire at?”

“You gotta call the Supernatural set (y/n).” she panted out.

“Why what’s going on?”

“I don’t know something about Shadow.” Without hesitation I took my phone out and dialed Misha’s number. It rang and rang and as it kept ringing I grumbled.

“C’mon Misha pick up your bloody phone already!”

‘Hello?’

“Misha what’s going on!? What happened to my son!?”

‘I’m sorry (y/n) Jared was eating some M&M’s earlier and he left the table for one second and the next thing he saw was Shadow eating the M&M’s he had managed to knock down on the floor!’

“WHAT!?!?!?!?”

‘Just come by over here, he’s been whimpering and we don’t know the contact information to the vet.’

“Okay I’ll be there as soon as I can. Try to make him as comfortable for me as possible. Okay! Tell him mummy’s on her way!”

‘Okay I will. And (y/n). Hurry!’ I hung up the phone and raced off.

“Whoa, whoa mini-Ellis where are you off too in such a hurry?” Kevin said as he and Aimee were walking back from the catering (after I had noticed the chocolate doughnut in Aimee’s hand).

“Shadow’s sick! Ate M&M’s. I gotta go!” I couldn’t even form a proper sentence as I raced outside and phoned my driver to hurry the fuck back to the set and drive me back to the Supernatural set.

Thankfully, he was right outside and the second I jumped right on in, I banged on the back window and ordered him to drive and soon he was off. Oh Shadow baby hang in there baby boy!

Finally after what felt like an eternity (I don’t know why the driver had taken the long way around. Said it was fucking traffic or something like that). But before the car could even come to a complete stop, I jumped out of the car and raced towards the building calling out Shadow’s name.

I quickly raced into the main Supernatural set to see that it was completely empty.

“Shadow!? Shadow! Here boy!” I whistled. Just hearing the way Misha had talked on the phone it made me really worried about my baby boy’s health. And now just not seeing him come on command when he’s supposed to, got me really anxious.

I walked further through the main set (which was the map room of the bunker) when I felt myself slightly trip forward and I looked down to see a tripwire. Oh shit.

SPLASH! I jumped as I let out a shriek when a small water balloon fell right at my feet. A split second later another dropped on the other side of me but still close enough to my feet. I jumped two more times as two more water balloons splashed right by me.

“Really guys? If you’re gonna do something like that at least have good aim.” But I was unaware of the enormous water balloon that was now starting to roll down. When I looked up, my heart sunk as I slowly let out a scream and soon I was drenched.

But it wasn’t water. Well normal water anyway, when I had looked at myself I had seen that I was now covered head to toe in the famed fake blood the makeup artists make from corn syrup, chocolate syrup and food coloring.

My breathing sharpened and I growled out.

“J2. Are without a doubt. The lowest most vile Americans to EVER WALK THE PLANET!!!” This was my favorite shirt and now the boys ruined it. Plus do you know how long it takes to get fake blood out of your hair? Believe me it’s not pretty. Hours upon hours of just brushing through one section of hair.

Soon enough the entire cast came out laughing and clapping but what was shocking was that the Lucifer cast also came out smiling and clapping along.

“We got you good kid!” Misha laughed.

“You—you all were……”

“About time we finally dethroned the Prank Queen. You’ve been stealing our thunder for too long kid.” Jensen said.

“And thanks to your dad and the rest of the Lucifer cast, they gave us the time to set all this up.” Jared said as he held his phone up probably recording the whole thing. I turned to my dad and hissed.

“Et tu Papa?”

“Sorry darling. They were convincing. Plus you’ve been going a little overboard with the pranks. You even placed a dead fish in my car.” Dad said.

“Or itching powder in my underwear drawer last year during season 3.” DW added.

“And hacking my Instagram professing love for the DCEU when you know I’m a Marvel girl.” Aimee said.

“And of course you can’t forget your recent little prank. The electric cushions.” Jared said.

“So we all came together and finally got you back.” Alex said smugly.

“How’s it feel now? You just got Carrie’d!” Lauren proclaimed.

“You all are so lucky I’m not a real witch or a telepath. Cause otherwise you’d all be screwed right now!” I spat out the fake blood that was starting to seep into my mouth. “But I’ll admit. Only I could come up with something like this. I’m impressed. Especially since it was a crossover team effort.”

Both castmates from each show came around me and that’s when all the selfies and self-promotion of dethroning the “Prank Queen” has officially happened. Of course I couldn’t help but chase after J2 as well as my dad so that I could smear the blood on them as payback for what they did to me.

Yep the life of an actress on Supernatural who happens to be the daughter of the current ‘hot’ Lucifer Morningstar, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. So while the entire cast and my family got their victory out of the way, I began plotting my next ultimate prank.

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

Text

DWD Reviews: Negaduck or The Good, The Bad and Both are Darkwing (Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

The march to “Just Us Justice Ducks” continues as I bring on the bad guys! And it’s a twofer as we focus on Megavolt and Negaduck! And because the show apparently wasn’t confusing enough in terms of continuity, this is a second Negaduck who was created before the one we all know, but whose episode aired after, but whose only episode was aired after several of the other ones and...

Point is Megavolt’s latest gizmo creates two darkwings, one a sacchrine goody two shoes and the other an ax crazy, trollish, nightmare of a being who wants to destroy everything. So basically insert your own Ned Flanders and Donald Trump jokes here. Review continues after the break

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Whelp after taking most of the week off i’m back.. in part because of another Kev Comission, and it’s not exclusive to him, anyone reading this can commission any animated episode I have access to for five bucks, 15 for a movie, he’s just the only one taking advantage of it. But yeah plug aside i’ve been a bit distracted by the election, a new fridge and bunches of other stuff going on to really focus on my reviews, though I do have two planned for the future and regular coverage will rock on. So this was a nice little jolt back to reality and back to business as usual. And it keeps me on something resembling a schedule for getting to “Just Us Justice Ducks”. Given how many months it’s taken me to get as far as I have covering Tom Lucitor episodes that’s probably a good thing. So with all that settled let’s talk about Negaduck. Negaduck is an interesting one to talk about. It’s one of many episodes, such as the episode directly after it “Fungus Among Us” which I covered right before this one which very obviously takes place earlier in the series continuity but aired way late into the syndicated part of season 1. In this case instead of debuting a major character, it debuts the PROTOTYPE for a major character, in this case Negaduck. It’s fairly obvious to me from this episode what happened: This episode was made as a one off, a fun episode where Drake gets split into two people, a good one and a bad one, and Gosalyn has to take charge to stop him. But the Tronsplit Negaduck was such a delight to write and watch, and i’ll get into the why as we go, that they wanted to make him a regular character, but deciding his origins were a headache to deal with as they’d have to create ANOTHER origin story just to get a copy of Negaduck out of Darkwing’s head, they just decided to say screw it and gave the new version the simplier origin of being an evil mirror universe version of darkwing. Simple, opens up story possibilities, and prevents a headache. To Tad Stones credit though had their been a season 3, he had plans for Darkwing and the Second Negaduck to team up against the first one, so there’s that. So that’s how I assume we ended up with two different Negaducks.. and yes i’m aware the Funkos call him Negatron.. but it’s not a great name, nor the one he actually uses so i’m sticking with Negaduck. Point is we ended up with two and with this one being hte blueprint for the one debuting in Justice Ducks, I thought it’d be fun to use as Negaduck’s episode.

And since i haven’t covered Megavolt, this one’s for him as well since he’s sitll a large part of the episode, and uttelry charming throughout. So with the setup out of the way, check out what I think of the episode itself under the cut.

We open with Megavolt doing what he usually does: Rob a bank, this time using his new gizmo the tronspliter which spits something into positive and negative Trons... i’d make some joke about one Tron movie being better than the other but I only MILDLY prefer Legacy, as while both have Jeff Bridges being awesome, Legacy has great visuals, an utterly awesome soundtrack, decent performances and Gem, who i’ll embarrassingly admit to having a crush on because my dignity hasn’t gone into the basement enough over my life. But it’s not quite enough to call the other film outright bad, just not for me. Point is despite the obvious opening I got no tron jokes and I just wasted two minutes of your life so let’s move on.

But instead of loot Negaduck finds a smoking bag! It’s Darkwing Duck.. in what I consider to be the funniest bit of the episode, and that’s not a knock on the episode as a whole as it’s a really damn funny episode. This bit just killed me. Darkwing coughs through his intro from the bag.. I THOUGHT it might be from dye but it turns out.. HE STILL DID THE WHOLE SMOKE BOMB ENTRANCE THING INSIDE THE BAG... despite no one being able to see it and it only making it harder. Just.. it’s such a simple idea but i’ts so brilliant. It’s why I love this show.. the jokes can be silly, but much like classic Disney or Looney Tunes shorts, especially the latter oddly, it’s rooted in the characters, and that makes it that much richer. It’s why i’m a sitcom guy, as long as the sitcom’s good and you know.. doesn’t plug for a transparent wannabe dictator. I like comedy that’s really rich in the characters and who they are. It’s why I like the Ducktales reboot as it has that in droves. It’s why I like either writing the cast in comedy scenarios or plugging them into other sitcoms for my chat: they just FIT there really naturally. I”m also praising the humor because I’m trying to find a balance between accurately representing how funny an episode is and not just going “a really clever gag” over and over and over. Needless to say, this episode is really damn funny and if I didn’t spotlight a joke, it’s only because i’m trying not to repeat itself. This show has aged well for a reason after all.

We get another great gag I can’t glance over as Megavolt tries to escape and forgets their on the 97th floor. A fight breaks out, including Ball Bearings, but Darkwing easily trounces Megavolt.. until their guns crash, and it triggers the tronsplitter by accident. The result is our episode’s premise as noted in the intro:Double Darkwings! Both are also finely established with their first lines, with Negaduck, darkwing’s negative emotions, wanting to quit crime fighting for something more profitable, and Posiduck, take a wild guess, wanting to quit it for something safer. The two halves make their way home just as Gosalyn and Launchpad are horsing around playing baseball with a bowling ball, with the predictable result of smashing “Dad’s favorite statue of himself”... again i’m barely into the episode but it just keeps coming up with bits like that. It reminds me of Simpsons, which given my referencing the series near constantly to an OSW Review level, it’s not a huge surprise, but it has the same rapid fire character based jokes as the Simpsons in it’s prime, which funny enough was around this time. It just keeps coming while keeping a compelling story. It’s good stuff is what i’m saying. Not all comedies can manage that let alone way back when.

Naturally both Darkwings have.. diffrent reactions. Posiduck just walks it off, kids will be kids, hippie parents stuff which only makes Gosalyn more paranoid he’s going to do something since DW usually isn’t THIS nice, or gracious about destroying his carefully branded stuff. Negaduck.. wants to outright murder her. Then both show up together...

Gosalyn naturally freaks out and given the sheer number of people that have impersonated her dad, and this is pre the second Negaduck, understandably assumes one’s an imposter. But HILARITY insues when the Muddlefoots show up. And this is the first one i’ve watched since I started rewatching to really involve them: They DO show up in Dry Hard, which i’ll get to, but i’ts mostly for Herb to do what he was born for and piss off Drake. Though while Herb was meant to be the Ned Flanders being his neighbor and everything, the passage of time and my recent binge of Schitt’s Creek has me comparing him more to Roland Schitt from that show: A slob of a man with a nicer, more attractive wife who thinks he’s the lead character’s best friend and insuates himself into his life and buisness with varying levels of obnoxiousness, either being a total jackass without realizing it or trying to help but still.. not exactly helping. Naturally with that kind of parallel Herb is forcing himself in to watch the Pellican’s Island reunion.. but is it the one where they can’t adjust to life outside the island or the one with it turned into a resort after they returned and the Harlem Globetrotters? Point is normally Drake would be, understandably, pissy, but Posidrake, despite Gosalyn’s understandable attempts to clear the muddlefoots out, is more than accommodating. Negaduck.. upon hearing they were coming went to get his shotgun.. and upon seeing them yells at herb for eating his food again, which granted Posiduck gave it to them but given his track record with drake and the way he just barged into Drake’s house to borrow his TV without asking, I can’t blame him for assuming and when Tank, Honker’s brother and little asshole, tries hitting him over it, Negaduck threatens him. Are.. are we sure he’s the bad one? I mean he’s not wrong. Wanting to actually murder them and not just think about it is, but wanting them out of his house isn’t. Gosalyn however shoos him away and gives the Muddlefoots their tv.. they can get a new one but Drake can’t beat murder charges. She does keep Honker, her best friend and local nerd to help since she’s an 11 year old and a launchpad trying to keep Negaduck from killing Posiduck. They sucessfully tie up Negaduck and Posiduck, being a pushover, ties himself up.

Honker, after examining both’s feather’s under the microscope, concludes what we already knew: Neither of them is fake, their simply positive and negative.. in the DWD universe, Poistrons are good particles and someone’s good half and the Negatrons are someone’s bad half. It’s even taught in school as Gos knows it. After some banter, Gos remembers Posiduck mentioing the tronsplitter and they figure they can be reunited. Naturally, Negaduck does not want that, and due to Goslayn getting a case of the stupids and not being able to tell them apart, despite Negaduck having some big angry eyebrows that make it obvious, frees him and he cons them into a closet and baricades it, sets his other self up for a dynamite filled death trap and runs off to raise some hell. Thankfully Posidrake ends up coliding with the barricade Negaduck put up, and while singed, is still alive because .. split in two or not i’ts still darkwing and Gosalyn drags him along with her and Launchpad to find Megavolt.

I”m, ironically split a bit on the split darkwings. On one hand, the two don’t really evenly represent drake as neither really act like him, with the most Negduck does is clearly acting out Drake’s darkest impulses he usually mutters under his breath. On the other.. i’m willing to ignore that because it’s just too funny, with Negaduck being hilariously violent, again his recation to the muddle foots is “i’m getting my shotgun”. Not only am I awed a tv show could actually use that as a gag at one time and miss those times, it’s just so hilariously over hte top. That and I love that canocially, drake just had a shotgun lying around, which while making sense given he dosen’t have batman’s gun aversion and likely only uses gas because he’s not a murderer and this is a kids show, is still just a neat fact. The fact it’s not Darkwing branded is a genuine suprise, but it’s just as likely Negaduck couldn’t find that one.

Negaduck hits up a theater to .. be obnoxious in a REALLY great scene, which I used for my screencap. While Negaduck’s final form is iconic, and we’ll get to it, I went with this simply because that shit eating grim is classic.. we also get Negaduck running into the screen to chase bunnies with a shot gun. Really this is the scene that i’m sure convinced them to find some way to bring this character back. Jim’s delivery, the petty dickey of Negaduck’s villiany here as he literally just drives into a movie theater and ruins everyone’s day for the hell of it, as well as assaults some rabbits with a shot gun.. i’ts just magic and it’s no wonder they’d retool the character to bring him back, nor that they’d put that refined version first. Jim Cummings is good at a LOT of things voice acting wise, there’s a reason he is a legend, but he’s especially good at playing a dickish, comedic villain who revels in being evil. While I didn’t really think about Negaduck at the time, he’d end up taking a LOT of the characters energy with him when he played Lord Boxman on OK K.O.! years down the line and if you haven’t checked it out and like Jim, do. It’s an amazing show. Point is cummings is amazing at this and I can see why they brought the character back. While Posiduck is fun, he’d probably wear his welcome out with more than one episode, while Negaduck had endless potetial and they used it.

But once he’s done Cape Fearing, Negsy runs into Posi.. and uses him as a scapegoat for the angry mom after him, giving Negsy time to find Megavolt first while Posiduck gets positively pummeled despite Gosalyn and Launchpad’s best efforts. Negsy finds Megavolt at the Dead End, a bad guy bar on the edge of town where Megavolt is drowning his sorrows.. by plugging a car battery directly into his socket. It’s just a fun visual gag and fit’s his personality and powers. Naturally Negaduck calls him out, and then wipes the floor with him but Megavolt is more than happy to help him once he finds out Negaduck was created by the tronsplitter, jubiantley yelling son and hugging him.. a great gag. Honestly I now see why Megavolt was one of the most popular and used villians in the Rogue’s gallery: he has a great gimmick, great powers, defined limits so unlike poor Liquidator he’s easier to work with, and Dan Castellaneta really brings his a game here with a unique voice i’ve never heard used on the simpsons.. sorta like crusty but mixed with Bobcat Goldwait. It’s really good. So while Father and Son bond and head to Megavolt’s place, Team Darkwing heads into the bar, where Gosalyn runs interference for both Darkwing and Launchpad whose just kinda.. there this episode. He really didn’t need to be here and feels like he only is because someone needs to drive the Ratcatcher. Don’t get me wrong I love the guy, I just don’t get why he’s in this one especially since this is the first one since the pilot i’ve watched to really focus on Gosalyn. While she IS in Tiff of the Titans, it’s mostly in a supporting role. Here she really gets to strut her stuff and show why she’s awesome, intimidating men 4 times her age and size and getting the info they need. At Megavolt’s, Negaduck continues his plan to just smash the thing but Megavolt doesn’t want one of his kids killing the other and yanks it .. and accidently shoots Negaduck with it while it’s on the merge setting. The result instead galvinaizes him giving him godlike destructive power. How the does this work in any way shape or form?

Negaduck, now above crime, goes to destroy the world with his dad disowning him while Team Darkwing Shows up. Megavolt agrees to help, and his reasons are both funny and work: If Negaduck destroys the city, where will he rob? Also of note is Negaducks new look, looking like a photo negative. There’s a reason besides Laziness it was brought back for the Funko Pops as a recolor, and that reason is DAMN it looks awesome. I get the switch to the easier to use Yellow and Black, but damn if this isn’t cool.

Gosalyn cleverly gets the two grouped together by saying Negaduck’s abotu to step on a bug, but Negaduck swats Posiduck aside.. however since Posiduck is also made of ions or whatever nonsense this episode is running on that i’m just going with at this point because it’s entertaining and this review’s almost done. Point is we get a glorious sequence as Posiduck basically becomes a disney princess, summoning animals, moralizing that sort of thing. But unlike Gizmoduck this parody over overly sachrine heroes works, partly because it’s clearly amped up to 80 degrees. The two breifly fight before Posiduck holds his counterpart long enough to recombine them. Megavolt, naturally tries to betray everyone and has a zoom lense ready but Gosalyn beats him. Darkwing is restored, helpfully confirmed by his egotisim and Gosalyn hugs her dad despite him docking her allowance.. though i’m sure he reversed that once all was settled. Here’s hoping. Point is we have a happy ending.

Final Thoughts: This.. was easily my favorite of the ones i’ve rewatched so far which, along with the ones reviewed already, includes Beauty and the Beat and Dry Hard, which I’ll get to eventually. It’s got a clever concept that while used before in cartoons certainly is mostly used for parody here, gave us the blueprint for a great villain, and in general is just fun. Also as I didn’t realize earlier in this review this episode apparently AIRED earlier, but was put later in syndication because I don’t know. But this one’s a classic and an easy recommend to go to right after your done with the pilot. It’s fun, fast paced, and just packed with great jokes with only so many I could mention here. If you want this show at it’s finest, this is it. It was also a great introduction to Megavolt whose a great villain and I can’t wait to see him in action again. Overall a truly excellent episode and it was a joy to watch. Until next time, Courage.

#darkwing duck #drake mallard #negaduck #posiduck #gosalyn mallard #launchpad mcquack #reviews #disney afternoon #the disney afternoon #honker muddlefoot #herb muddlefoot #blinky muddlefoot #tank muddlefoot

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bathroombreaks · 4 years

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gg 1x01 rewatch

the questions are from @pynkhues, you can find them here.

1. What was your favourite scene of the episode? Tell us why!

oooh it’s def the scene where the girls are getting ready to rob fine & frugal. i just find it hilarious that they’re about to rob a store and they’re talking about how their kids are doing in school?? like, what absolute lunatics!! and i think it sets up their dynamic very well right from the beginning, idk. everyone’s always saying that the three girls have a very lived-in chemistry and i agree and i think you can feel it right from this first scene of them together

2. Was there any scene that missed the mark for you? And if so, how?

idk?? i’m very bad at reading and watching things critically, i’m very easy to please, i think?? and this ep just makes me pleased as punch!! but i guess that the scene with beth and amber, while funny, doesn’t really hit the mark for me?? idk, the way she’s framed as a “beautiful dummy” and not as much at fault as dean kind of irks me. i totally get that dean is the married one, but amber clearly knew he was married and somewhat regularly saw his wife, i don’t think she should really be absolved of that. and, idk, i don’t like that she basically got a prize for cheating - like, “here, you helped my husband cheat on me, so take some money to go live your dreams” is such a weird response?? beth was very scathing in the delivery and i get the point was for amber to be out of their lives but, like, still?? why not just tell dean he has to fire her?? this just further proves that beth is an idiot and an absolute lunatic, which we already knew

3. Let’s talk about the Big 6 Character Intros – Beth, Ruby, Annie, Dean, Stan, Rio. What did you think? What did you like? What did you dislike?

oooh i really liked all of them!!!

i absolutely love annie’s, it’s so fun with the car speeding and then with her banter with ben. i love the way they set up their dynamic right from the get go!!

and then ruby and stan’s intro was also amazing!! you get right away that they love each other so much and are so supportive of each other!! the way they both gesture when sara is talking about the women standing next to the men is so cute!!! i love it!!

rio’s is also amazing, he’s a snarky little bitch right from the get go and they really did a great job of also surprising us, thanks to the camera angle, and really driving home that he’s the boss.

i think the one i liked the least is actually beth and dean’s?? i mean, they do a good job of immediately letting you know that beth is the overworked mother and dean is the lazy, good-for-nothing husband - i mean, she’s running around, taking care of everything, and then he just strolls in and asks the kids to go to the car, without even having his tie done. but i think it’s a little misleading and i think it’s one of the reasons why the fandom (including myself) maybe has a harder time accepting beth staying with dean (aside from the fact that dean is a fucking asshole and he deserves nothing less than a horrible death, i mean)?? it really sticks in your mind this contempt she seems to have for him?? and, of course, then you get the flashback to beth getting waxed for him, and so you understand that they were maybe going through a bit of a rough patch but she wanted to work through it, but what sticks in your mind is that first scene, where she’s full of contempt, not even able of saying a perfunctory i love you back. and since they seem to want to drag out the boland marriage as much as possible, i think they kind of failed there.

4. Ruby tells Stan to fix the damn door! Is Stan an amazing handyman? A terrible one???

i think stan is anywhere from ok to amazing, they’re just so overworked that he hasn’t had time?? idk, paired with the fact that he says he’s pulling a double at the beginning of the ep and that it doesn’t seem to be a new or uncommon thing, it just reads to me like a thing he really does want to take care of at some point but hasn’t found the time to do yet

5. Do you think Beth, Ruby or Annie had a way out of their individual financial situations that didn’t involve crime?

in short: nope. in long:

ruby and stan are desperate. they mention stan’s parents at some point, but i assume they just don’t have the money to help them?? and, i mean, they’re both working double shifts and they mention that they’ve had their gofundme page up for years. i think if they had any other way they absolutely would’ve already taken it, for sara’s sake.

we can assume from the flashbacks we get in 2x08 that annie and beth didn’t have as stable a home life as all that. i assume that either their parents are both now dead or they just have no communication with them. either way, they don’t have them as a safety net.

when it comes to annie, she’s working a minimum wage job, driving a very shitty car and her kid’s laptop has been broken for a month without her being notified, because said kid knows they don’t have the money to get a knew one. she does ask for help from the richest person the girls know later (that’s how i think they phrased?? i’m pretty sure), her ex, who promptly says no. so, yeah, it’s safe to say she doesn’t have a way out of her financial situation either.

and, in regards to beth, i think she would absolutely help ruby (and annie) if she could. so the fact that she doesn’t, paired with the fact that we get mentions later that this is not the first time dean has managed to basically bankrupt the car dealership, makes me assume that either the bolands were living close to paycheck to paycheck, but stable enough that she didn’t worry, or that she did think they had some spare money and did give that to them when she could?? because i don’t see how she would not give ruby the money for sara, if she thought she had it, especially when she does it later in the season.

so, no, i don’t really think any of the girls had safety nets or ways to get out of their financial situation. except for beth. she could’ve gotten a job. i know it would’ve been hard because of her lack of work experience, but she could’ve at least tried instead of immediately jumping to robbery!!

6. Is Beth’s backsplash dope? Or was Rio just being a dick??

both!! i mean, i personally like the backsplash, but rio was absolutely just being an asshole, whether or not he did believe it was dope had nothing to do with it.

7. Five major story locations were set up this episode – Ruby’s house, Beth’s house, Annie’s apartment, as well as Fine & Frugal and Boland Motors. Was there anything that jumped out for you about these locations in this episode? Do you think that they were well established given what happens in each across the course of the series?

ok so i don’t know enough about like tv shows and storylines and all that stuff to answer this, i’m sorry. but, like, i think it’s very cool that fine & frugal is robbed in the first and last episodes of season 1, it’s a fun full-circle type of thing, and i love that we’re introduced to boland motors via dean’s affair and beth’s destruction of it because it’s something that permeates the place throughout the whole time?? i mean, beth later “borrows“ one of the cars, rio smashes the corvette because of beth, it gets raided by the fbi because of beth’s illegal activities - beth is always destroying it, even when she’s not literally destroying something like in that first episode. and in season 2 we have beth fully realising just how deep dean’s betrayal was in the middle of the boland motors showroom. both of those things are always there!! it’s cool. and saying that, i mean, they kind of went the same route with boland bubbles, if you think about it?? we get dean cheating on her there, her fully realising how deep his betrayal is via gayle’s comments and then her clearly robbing the place?? boland bubbles really is just a continuation of boland motors

8. We met lots of supporting characters this episode too – in particular Boomer, Baby Tyler, Amber and Greg. Based off of what we saw of them in this episode, pick one, and tell us what you think!

i love baby tyler and amber!! i love that we’re introduced to baby tyler being all smiley and y’know a little bit ridiculous eating ice cream while on the job and maybe obviously inept because of it. and maybe you expect him to not do anything during the robbery because of that but then he really tries?? he thinks he’s facing off with 3 armed criminals and he really goes for it, he doesn’t cower like boomer!! he’s adorable!! and amber i already talked about and i know i was a bit harsh but i really do love her!! her oblivious comments are gold.

9. Screenshot and/or tell us about your favourite character look~ this episode.

frankly, this ep doesn’t really have any stand out looks for me?? the one exception is annie’s outfit when she picks up ben in the porsche. you can really tell how happy she is that she could one up nancy, that she’s proud of herself because she’s gonna get to give ben the laptop he needs.

10. This episode gives us some sharp character notes on Beth, Ruby and Annie – from Beth’s capacity for violence to Ruby’s visceral anger around being ignored, particularly when it comes to her daughter’s wellbeing, to Annie’s tendency to run a mile when given an inch. Is there a moment that stood out to you, particularly in light of future seasons?

ohhh i mean, there’s something to be said about beth’s capacity for violence uh? she keeps refusing to acknowledge it, because that doesn’t fit her stepford wife without a pulse image as annie calls it, but it’s always there - she’s always ready to blow up and throw some keys at your face. and ruby’s response to being ignored kind of screws her over?? she was very lucky jt only wanted her address for his nephew and didn’t become a second mary pat. idk, i’m sorry. like i said, not very good at critical thinking.

#stfu #txt #ggrewatch2020 #gg #nbc good girls #good girls nbc #omg this took me so long to write!!#also i didn't really understand the speed round which is why i ignored it.#when i see how other people do it i'll start doing it too

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buzzdixonwriter · 4 years

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You Don’t Say

For me, one of the unforeseen benefits of Facebook and other social media is that it gives me a chance to do rough drafts of ideas, assembling my thoughts and getting feedback before committing to more permanent form.

And sometimes, like asteroids colliding in space, two separate ideas / posts slam into one another and either create something new and unexpected, or else shatter themselves and reveal interesting aspects of their nature heretofore hidden from view.

That happened recently with a pair of Facebook posts I made on Dennis Prager and Harlan Ellison.

Let’s get the turd out of our mouth first.

. . .

Dennis Prager is a purveyor of herpetology lubricants admired by many on the right-leaning-nazi side of the spectrum, primarily because he keeps his mouth closed when chewing. Half of what he says is repackaged self-evident truths of the “Don’t eat the yellow snow” variety, a quarter is opinions that if not startling original are at least not genuinely harmful, and the remain quarter is egregious bullshit for which he deserves a public pants down spanking.

Hmm, what? Oh, yes; purely metaphorically, of course.

I long since wrote off Prager as a. utterer of inanities, but recently his turdmongering was forced on my attention by someone who posted a link to Prager’s argument that the “left” (i.e., basically anybody who thinks Auschwitz was a Bad Idea) is inflicting harm on both the American body politic and the universe at large by denying people like Prager the right to drop the N-bomb whenever they feel like it.

As some of you no doubt already knew, Prager is a member of what polite bigots used to refer to as “those of the Hebrew persuasion”.

That a person from an ethnicity that historically suffered hatred so vicious and specifically targeted that a special word had to be created for it (“anti-Semitism” because the original word -- “Jew-hatred” -- was too damned ugly even for bigots to use) now has his knickers in a twist because he’s “not allowed” to use the only other word of equal or greater impact -- also coined specifically by oppressors for expressing unrestrained hate and contempt against those oppressed -- is so rich in irony that all I can do is swipe a phrase from Jim Wright over at Stonekettle Station and say Dennis Prager has “all the self-awareness of a dog licking its own asshole in the middle of the street”.

First off, he’s lying: Neither the “left” nor American law prevents him from dropping the N-bomb whenever he feels like it and I invite him to go down to the intersection of Normandie and Florence in South Central and drop it at the top of his lungs for as long as he is able and please make sure to take plenty of video recorders along because I really wanna see what happens next.

Second, why the fuck would you want to say that? Seriously, other than in an evidentiary context (a cop giving testimony in court, a journalist reporting what some bigoted politician says, etc.), who today gains anything from repeating the word other than inflicting unjustified distress on people who have done nothing to deserve it?

(This is the point where a bunch of alt-right trolls are gonna jump up and say “but whatabout all the times when black people say it?” and to those trolls I’m gonna say STFU & STFD; if you can’t grasp the difference in context then you’re too damned stupid to be allowed out in public except at the end of a leash and with a ball gag in your mouth.)

It’s a word specifically created and designed to be used to brutally oppress people who did nothing to deserve that brutal oppression. Why would anybody outside that group use it except to participate in that brutal oppression?

. . .

Least there sit any in the cheap seats who presume the above rant was targeted at Dennis Prager simply because he was Jewish, guess again, ya yutzes.

Few writers enjoyed as brilliant and as incendiary a career as Harlan Ellison, and I count myself privileged to have been one of his friends.

Ellison, as many of you know, also was Jewish, a damned tough little bastard, singled out for hatred and abuse as the only Jewish child in his backwater Ohio school, growing up with nerves & balls of chromium, a bona fide Army Ranger, and a writer so honest and fearless that when he wrote about juvenile delinquency in the 1950s he did so by infiltrating and joining a street gang to get first hand experience and insight on the kids who ran in that crowd (and as icing on the cake, James Caan played him in the TV version!).

Top that, Dennis.

Harlan’s electric eclectic career features many highpoints, but the one I want to focus on is his brief 4-year run as TV critic for the legendary Los Angeles Free Press (a.k.a. The Freep) from 1968 to 1972.

What’s interesting is that Harlan did this while at the same time at the height of his demand as a TV writer.

You got any idea how hard it is to make a living while you’re gnawing on the hand that feeds you?

Harlan may have been crazy, but damn it, he was honest.

Back to the issue at hand.

Recently I’ve been re-reading his TV criticism columns, collected in two volumes, The Glass Teat and The Other Glass Teat.

The depressing thing is that all the evil we see today was in place back in those days, and the same smug pious frauds and their dimbulb marks kept congratulating themselves how wonderful they were as things continued to spiral out of control.

Oh, we've had good moments when we made changes that improved the lot of people who'd previously been marginalized, but the core cancer is still there. Harlan was no cock-eyed sentimentalist -- he was often filled with anger and could vent it spectacularly at deserving targets -- but he did have hope that somehow we could keep nudging the ball further towards the goal lines.

The columns make fascinating reading; they are nowhere near as dated as one might suspect. Sometimes they offer diamond-like brilliant dissections of a particular instant in the cultural gestalt, other times they examine the unseen (well, to most audiences, that is) tides of Hollywood that shape our media, sometimes he turns his attention to bear on seemingly insignificant and forgotten local programming only to show with McLuhan-esque clarity how that tiny piece of seemingly insignificant fluff is symptomatic of a much wider, much vaster, and far more serious problem.

One entry caught my eye in particular, the March 7, 1969 column on a failed ABC pilot called Those Were The Days.

Harlan sat in the studio audience watching the taping of that pilot, and his column praised the courage and insight of producers Norman Lear and Bud Yorkin, the brilliant performances of Carroll O’Connor and Jean Stapleton, and the raw honesty of the pilot’s sharp comedy and writing.

Those of you not in the cheap seats have already realized this was the second failed pilot for what would eventually become All In The Family over at CBS (there was an even earlier original pilot called Justice For All back when Archie and Edith’s last name was Justice, not Bunker.)

I remember the hoopla when All In The Family finally aired in January of 1971 as a mid-season replacement.

You might count Archie Bunker as the white Dolemite insofar as the comedy sprang from the shock of all the crude and vulgar things he said.

Lear and Yorkin were mocking that mindset, belittling bigotry, exposing the Babbittry of millions of “good” Americans who lacked either the self-awareness or the courage to take a long introspective look at themselves and realize how badly they were failing as citizens of this country.

Audiences weren’t supposed to like Archie Bunker.

And that’s where Lear and Yorkin made their fatal mistake.

No, audiences didn’t like Archie.

They loved him.

. . .

Asteroids collide, and sometimes they form new planets, and sometimes they shatter and expose what lies beneath.

Prager’s modern day Babbittry crashed into Harlan’s half-century old anti-Babbittry, and from the explosion a stark truth revealed itself.

It’s almost impossible to make an outlaw a villain in popular media.

No matter how many banks they rob, stages they hold up, sheriffs they shoot, the mere fact that somebody wrote a song / dime novel / movie about ‘em makes them into heroes.

Demi-gods.

People to be admired.

Emulated.

Professional wrestling knows this.

You can never be so big a heel that you won’t have a legion of followers.

And you can turn a heel into a baby face in the blink of an eye and none of the fans will remember the despicable acts the wrassler did just last week.

You put an Archie Bunker on TV, you do not get millions of people to recognize themselves in his hateful / hurtful behavior and change their ways.

Oh, hell no; you get millions of people to applaud him for saying and doing what they say and do in private.

And now that it’s all big and bold and brassy on TV, why it becomes even easier to say it in the privacy of your own home, then over the fence with the neighbors, then in the bar down the street, then on the street itself, and then against people who have done you no harm, who have committed no sin other than the heinous crime of not being exactly like you.

I remember watching and liking All In The Family when it first came on because I, like millions of other Americans, got the joke: Archie was no hero.

But it wasn’t long before the voices cheering Archie began to drown out the voices laughing at him.

Lear and Yorkin tried undoing their damage with Maude and The Jeffersons and Good Times and other spinoff shows, but the bigot was out of the bottle.

Archie Bunker, even though written in a way to ridicule his use of bigotry and stereotypes, became a champion and defender of those who clung to said bigotry and stereotypes.

So tell me again why you want to drop that N-bomb, Dennis.

Explain to me -- even while you talk out of both sides of your mouth and claim even if everybody can use they word maybe they shouldn’t use the word -- how that does anything to help anybody…

…other than bigots and hate mongers.

Your argument is as circular as the thumb and forefinger gesture white supremacists use to signal one another, a gesture deliberately chosen because it lets them transgress openly by lying about the truth meaning of their gesture.

And Harlan, you were right about Those Were The Days as it began evolving into All In The Family. Absolutely brilliant -- but absolutely deadly.

Not airing All In The Family wouldn’t have eliminated racial / ethnic / sexual prejudice in the United States…

…but it would have denied those ideas a voice.

The narcissist always proclaims, “I don’t care what they say about me so long as they spell my name right.”

Well, that’s what we got with Archie Bunker.

None of the bigots cared if we made fun of their ideas…

…just so long as they got their ideas out there.

Because ideas are made legitimate by their presence.

Now clearly, this is a bade that cuts both ways.

Ideas once unthinkable -- liberty and justice for all in the form of racial and gender equality, f’r instance -- need to be championed in public.

But we need to shout down and stamp out the bad ideas.

The United States took their foot off the neck of the defeated white racists after the end of the Civil War, and as a result jim crow came roaring back, and things did not change for millions of Americans for another entire century.

We allowed bigots and hate mongers and slavers to be whitewashed and glorified and forgiven for their crimes against humanity…

…and in the process we allowed them to continue victimizing African-Americans more and more.

Every song about the Ol’ South, every novel glorifying plantation life, every movie showing happy field hands, every statue commemorating murderous traitors as men of honor and principle, every single iteration of that idea made millions of people’s suffering not just possible but inevitable.

. . .

Now this is the point where the alt-right trolls are gonna jump up and ask “did you ever drop the N-word?”

Not in casual conversation, no.

I was born and raised in the South (Appalachia, mostly); my father’s side of the family were almost all Southerners.

Almost all.

My paternal grandmother was born and raised in New Jersey and met my grandfather when both served in the U.S. Army medical corps in WWI. When my grandfather died in his 40s, my grandmother originally moved back to New Jersey, but her three children (dad and two aunts) felt heartbroken at having to leave their Southern cousins and friends behind so even though she carried no particular love for the South, my grandmother moved her family back and stayed there for the most of her life (she and one of my aunts moved out to California to be near us, but that’s another story for another post).

One thing my grandmother absolutely refused to tolerate was use of the N-bomb anywhere near her, especially under her roof or in the homes of her children.

This included both the -er and -ra variants, because Southern racists who didn’t want to appear as uncultured and as boorish and as bigoted as their backwoods cousins preferred the second pronunciation because they could claim they were actually speaking respectfully about “colored people”.

So I grew up in the rare white Southern home where the N-bomb merely wasn’t used, it was actually denounced as wrong.

Now, don’t go thinking my grandmother was some great paragon of virtue; she wasn’t (she was hell on wheels, in fact, but that’s another story for another post).

But she did recognize there was something wrong with the use of the N-bomb, and whether she demanded her children never use it in any form to keep them from appearing to be boorish, bigoted louts, or whether she just thought it was simple good manners of the golden rule variety not to use it, I dunno.

But I do know we never used it, and when my parents heard our neighbors or schoolmates use it, we were reminded in no uncertain terms that we were never to use it.

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t used it.

A couple of decades ago I wrote a screenplay based on the life of Robert Smalls, in particular his incredible escape from Civil War Charleston by hijacking a Confederate gunboat and sailing it right past Ft. Sumter to join the Union fleet, bringing his wife and several other escaping African-Americans with him.

As a skilled harbor pilot, Smalls enjoyed certain privileges other enslaved African-Americans didn’t.

For example, he was allowed to go about the streets of Charleston unescorted…

…provided he wore a big diamond shaped brass tag around his neck.

Like a dog.

The tag indicated to slave catcher patrols that he was one of the “good” ones, that he could be trusted because he was helping his masters in their struggle against the Union by guiding blockade runners into the safety of Charleston harbor.

But knowing Southerners the way I do, and knowing the kind of low class good ol’ boy types they recruited for such jobs, I couldn’t imagine the slave catcher patrols being particularly courteous to him, even when they knew they had to let him pass because clearly he had the protection of some high positioned muckamuck.

And I could easily imagine them flinging the N-bomb at him with great glee, taunting him, daring him to act “uppity” so they could beat the crap out of him and teach him some manners and remind him of his place.

So I used the word in their dialog in my script.

Would I use that word today?

Probably not.

It’s not that crucial to the story, and if the viewer doesn’t grasp the concept that these are bigoted bully scum from their actions and attitude, then I’ve failed my job as a writer.

Have I ever quoted people who dropped the N-bomb?

Yeah, I have, in the past.

I’ve quoted Richard Pryor and Blazing Saddles and Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction.

I would excuse it then as the aforementioned evidentiary context but ya know what? I don’t quote those lines anymore.

I still think Pryor is hilarious and will recommend his routines to anyone I think might be interested, but he as a member of the African-American community at large (because like any other ethnic group, African-Americans have numerous sub-cultures and sub-communities among them), he could say things in a way neither I nor any other white person could say them.

(And, yeah, there’s a big debate going on to this very day among African-Americans about the appropriateness of that word and you know what? Whatever decision African-Americans reach for themselves is their business and should not involve any input whatsoever from we white folk; we not only can’t use the word, we can’t even comment on how they choose to use it. Period. Full stop.)

Blazing Saddles when it came out used the N-bomb to be deliberately transgressive, to make a sympathetic point re how unfairly African-Americans were treated.

All well and good.

But nine years earlier there had been a movie called A Patch Of Blue and while it wasn’t a raucous comedy like Blazing Saddles it tried making a point about race relations in America and it was a really. Really good movie and it made some important points but today is virtually unwatchable not because of any flaws in it but because the times have changed.

Ditto Blazing Saddles.

We don’t need to approach the problem that way any more.

Quentin Tarantino? I really like what he does as a director and a screenwriter but his use of the N-bomb to show us how transgressive his characters are is really shallow. I have a strong feeling his movies are going to be considered embarrassingly passé’ in a generation or two, much the same way as benign-yet-stereotypical characters in 1940s movies render many of them passé’ today.

Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction lose nothing by changing the N-word to something else.

Maybe an argument could be made for its use in Django Unchained or The Hateful 8 but even there I think substituting another word wouldn’t significantly change the tenor or tone of either movie.

So I stop quoting those lines from Tarantino’s films, at least not fully.

I can admire his skill / talent / craft without signing off on his problematic elements.

Let me offer an analogy: If a creator can get the same dramatic effect by pretending to shoot somebody but not actually blasting them with a gun, then they can get the same dramatic effect by using something evocative of the N-bomb without actually dropping it.

(By the way, for those who may be curious, my mother was from Naples and a bona fide card carrying member of Mussolini’s Fascist Youth Brigade, but that’s another story for another post.)

. . .

We are plunging into a new cultural conflict -- and while I think there will be violence, I don’t see it being violence on the scale or level of political organization as the Civil War -- and we can only win by refusing to let the bigots and the hate mongers spew their bullshit in the marketplace of ideas.

There is no compromise with an oppressor.

Stand up to it every time you encounter it.

Make it unthinkable, never acceptable.

#racism #race relations #morals #ethics #Harlan Ellison #Dennis Prager #N-bomb

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eddycurrents · 5 years

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For the week of 14 October 2019

Quick Bits:

Absolute Carnage #4 is pretty damn big as we head towards the conclusion. Donny Cates, Ryan Stegman, JP Mayer, Jay Leisten, Frank Martin, and Clayton Cowles set up near insurmountable odds for Eddie and Spider-Man to face, as Carnage inches closer to victory. It’s very daunting, especially as we potentially see hope fade as other dominoes fall into place. Though a shock revelation might lead to something good for the conclusion. The tension mounting and the continued blend of the rest of the tie-ins to the main story are very entertaining.

| Published by Marvel

Absolute Carnage: Avengers #1 gives us a lead-in to how the previously symbiote-afflicted heroes got to Venom in Absolute Carnage #3 in addition to a bit about beacons in New York and San Francisco calling all symbiotes to feed something. It’s more elaboration on some details between panels for the event, but it’s rather entertaining and covers an element that was otherwise glossed over in the main series. Great art from Alberto Alburquerque, Guiu Vilanova, and Rachelle Rosenberg.

| Published by Marvel

Aquaman #53 reveals more about Thomas Mauer and his history in the founding of Amnesty, complete with some really weird powers regarding manifesting beasties. Then, a reunion of Arthur and Mera is basically aborted as Black Manta attack. Kelly Sue DeConnick, Robson Rocha, Eduardo Pansica, Daniel Henriques, Julio Ferreira, Sunny Gho, and Clayton Cowles continue to deliver one of the best stories from DC.

| Published by DC Comics

Archie #708 sees everything start to come together as all of the disparate story threads begin to converge somehow with Fox Forest. Nick Spencer, Mariko Tamaki, Sandy Jarrell, Matt Herms, and Jack Morelli really build tension here, with a rather spooky feel for what’s going on.

| Published by Archie Comics

Batman #81 continues this next stage of Batman’s assault on the “City of Bane” as all of his “kids” work together to try to take down his father and he attempts to bring the fight to Bane himself. Tom King guides us through a narration essentially putting together some of the missing pieces in Gotham Girl’s story and further protections that he left in the city after Batman’s “breaking”.

| Published by DC Comics

Bettie Page Unbound #5 serves as a coda to the first arc, from David Avallone, Moy R, Ellie Wright, Sheelagh D, and Taylor Esposito. It gives a bit of perspective on Bettie’s trip through alternate realities, while dealing a bit more with the spies who’ve been chasing her.

| Published by Dynamite

The Black Ghost #2 is firing on all cylinders. The story that Alex Segura, Monica Gallagher, George Kambadais, Ellie Wright, and Taylor Esposito are telling here is incredibly compelling, going deep into Lara’s downward spiral following the death of the Black Ghost and all of the mounting problems in her life. There’s a very interesting theme of the intersection of solving a mystery and obsession, complete with the black hole of alcoholism, that just grabs you.

| Published by New Wave Comics

Black Panther and the Agents of Wakanda #2 concludes this opening arc from Jim Zub, Lan Medina, Craig Yeung, Marcio Menyz, and Joe Sabino. We get an interesting mix of Okoye and Janet facing their greatest fears, while elaborating further on the current state of the Sentry. I like this quick, two-part introductory arc structure, further giving this title the feel of a specialized group for certain threats.

| Published by Marvel

Captain Marvel #11 concludes the “Falling Star” arc, revealing more fallout from the first arc and the sheer damage that it’s done to Ripley after she fell into the Nuclear Man’s reality. Kelly Thompson, Carmen Carnero, Tamra Bonvillain, and Clayton Cowles develop a rather demented look on “heroism” here that is quite disturbing.

| Published by Marvel

Chastity #2 unveils more of the human trafficking operation that Chastity has found herself in. It’s not very pretty, but there are some nice funny moments to break up the dark subject matter. Leah Williams, David Maine, Bryan Valenza, and Carlos M. Mangual are telling an interesting story here.

| Published by Dynamite

Contagion #3 continues to escalate the terror of the fungus plaguing New York, and now possibly beyond. There are appearances here of some very interesting near forgotten characters that are nice to see. Great art from Mack Chater, Stephen Segovia, Veronica Gandini, and Andrew Crossley.

| Published by Marvel

Cult Classic: Creature Feature #1 is an interesting start to this second series. You don’t need to have read Return to Whisper before this, but I still highly recommend that series. Here Eliot Rahal, John Bivens, Jerrie, Monahan, and Taylor Esposito kick off a rather hectic beginning with alien creatures. The art from Bivens, Jerrie, and Monahan is wonderful.

| Published by Vault

Dark Red #7 continues to develop the current state of the vampires after taking out the Nazis who were trying to take over, while Chip works to get the little were back to her werepeople. Definitely an interesting society that Tim Seeley, Corin Howell, Mark Englert, and Carlos M. Mangual are creating here.

| Published by AfterShock

Excellence #6 concludes the first arc in rather spectacular fashion. Brandon Thomas, Khary Randolph, Emilio Lopez, and Deron Bennett have been doing some excellent character and world-building in this story and it really pays off here as we get a confrontation between Spencer and his dad, followed by one hell of a revelation that practically changes everything. Great stuff here.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Gideon Falls #17 begins “The Pentoculus” as things start to coalesce again into a sort of “normalcy” in both of our “main” Gideon Falls realities, even as something horrible takes hold of Sheriff Miller’s father. Jeff Lemire, Andrea Sorrentino, Dave Stewart, and Steve Wands establish even more horror here and the feeling that something more is very, very wrong.

| Published by Image

Guardians of the Galaxy #10 catches up with the new baby Magus as we find out that the new incarnation might be as dangerous and deadly as the earlier ones. Also, what Donny Cates is doing with Rocket just cuts to the core.

| Published by Marvel

Hit Girl: Season 2 #9 is the first part of “India” from Peter Milligan, Alison Sampson, Tríona Farrell, and Clem Robins. It sends Mindy off to the street of Mumbai where she’s trying to deal with a bizarre child trafficking/labour ring, and finding out that her actions may have caused more complications than good. There’s a very different feel to this new arc so far.

| Published by Image

Inferior 5 #2 sure is...something. I’m still not entirely sure of the experiments or the characters or the setting, but Jeff Lemire, Keith Giffen, Michelle Delecki, Hi-Fi, and Rob Leigh are doing something that might be interesting here when we see a broader picture. It’s very “huh?” issue to issue so far. The back-up featuring Peacemaker, though, continues to be very compelling. Especially as it reveals that he may well be completely insane.

| Published by DC Comics

The Island of Doctor Moreau #2 concludes this adaptation of the HG Wells story from Ted Adams, Gabriel Rodríguez, Nelson Dániel, and Robbie Robbins. Other than a few minor changes, it’s fairly faithful to the original. The story here is mostly told in double page spreads from Rodríguez and Dániel and they’re absolutely beautiful.

| Published by IDW

Justice League #34 reminds us that revenge isn’t necessarily the correct path to take all the time, or possibly any time, as the endgame plays out across the different timelines and the combined forces gather for one final push against Perpetua. Scott Snyder, James Tynion IV, Bruno Redondo, Howard Porter, Hi-Fi, and Tom Napolitano lay out a wonderful tale of the final battle and a stupid, selfish act that has possibly doomed everything.

| Published by DC Comics

Killer Groove #5 concludes what has been an excellent crime tale from Ollie Masters, Eoin Marron, Jordie Bellaire, and Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou. There’s an incredible nihilism here that feeds into a very fitting end.

| Published by AfterShock

KI-6: Killers #4 gains a bit of a title change with the “KI-6″ bit in this penultimate issue of the series. Not really sure why, but it doesn’t ultimately make a difference for the story being told by B. Clay Moore, Fernando Dagnino, José Villarrubia, and Jeff Powell. We get a nice bit of the Jonin’s history before the two rival groups of former Ninjas show up.

| Published by Valiant

The Marked #1 begins a new series from the Sonata team of David Hine, Brian Haberlin, Geirrod Van Dyke, and Francis Takenaga. It blends magic and tattoos as we learn of the history of a group of magicians who have defended the world from evil through the eyes of their newest recruit Saskia. Beautiful art as usual from the Haberlin/Van Dyke team.

| Published by Image / Shadowline

The Mask: I Pledge Allegiance to the Mask #1 is kind of a strange return for the property, in a story from Christopher Cantwell, Patric Reynolds, Lee Loughridge, and Nate Piekos. It’s dark and deranged, which fits very well overall. While it does follow on from the previous stories, all that you really need to know to enjoy this story itself is revealed here. The political element adds an even greater feeling of being put off-balance.

| Published by Dark Horse

Midnight Vista #2 very nicely develops what Oliver remembers of his abduction and the fallout that has been happening in the ensuing years since he’s been missing. Eliot Rahal, Clara Meath, Mark Englert, and Taylor Esposito are doing some interesting things here, especially as other forces are trying to guide Oliver’s story.

| Published by AfterShock

Psi-Lords #5 elaborates a bit further on the societal structure of the Gyre and the various gangs on it, while we see one of the Starwatchers try to turn Steve. It’s interesting as we get a little bit that gives us more of an insight into the ties to the broader Valiant Universe here and some very nice character building. Renato Guedes art remains phenomenal.

| Published by Valiant

Rick and Morty vs. Dungeons & Dragons - Chapter II: Painscape #2 guides us through some of Rick’s history with D&D, creating some horrible characters that anyone who’s played the game will be familiar with, and an entertaining dungeon crawl. I’m still loving how perfectly Jim Zub, Troy Little, Leonardo Ito, and Crank! are integrating D&D into Rick and Morty.

| Published by Oni Press & IDW

Rumble #17 follows a similar format as last issue’s selection of three stories, only this time there are only two stories, with one split between two different creators. That two-part story is a wonderful crossover between Rumble and Head Lopper, with Andrew MacLean and James Harren handling the line art. It’s pretty great overall, with a natural melding of the two properties, and very nice to see Harren’s return.

| Published by Image

Savage Sword of Conan #10 begins a new arc from Roy Thomas, Alan Davis, Cam Smith, Chris Sotomayor, and Travis Lanham. It’s wonderful to see a new Roy Thomas story and the art from Davis, Smith, and Sotomayor is great. The story itself is interesting, drawing from some traditional Conan elements of a tavern fight and being hired as a bodyguard.

| Published by Marvel

Savage Tales: Red Sonja Halloween Special is essential if you’re reading the ongoing Red Sonja series. It works well on its own as well, but for readers of the series it builds on Sonja’s trip to the tower of sorcerers in her youth and gives some great insight into her past. Wonderful work here overall from Mark Russell, Jacob Edgar, Dearbhla Kelly, and Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou.

| Published by Dynamite

Something is Killing the Children #2 is even better than the first issue, fleshing out our monster hunter a bit and causing all sorts of complications for her. There are some great characterizations here, nicely capturing some of the reactions from people experiencing the tragedy of a lost or murdered family member. James Tynion IV, Werther Dell’Edera, Miquel Muerto, and AndWorld Design are doing something great here.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Star Wars Adventures: Return to Vader’s Castle #3 gives us a central story of Ventress hunting a quarry, illustrated by Nick Brokenshire. I’m still very much enjoying how Cavan Scott is using the central tale and its context to elaborate on what he, Francesco Francavilla, and AndWorld Design are doing with the framing story.

| Published IDW

Steeple #2 features all of the charm and humour of Giant Days, but then adds some rather over-the-top supernatural elements that just manages to elevate that charm and humour further. John Allison, Sarah Stern, and Jim Campbell are delivering a rather wholesome look at monster hunting and finding common ground with your local hooligans and Satanists.

| Published by Dark Horse

Strayed #3 advances towards oblivion, as Lou finds the flower-maker and the Premier enacts another piece of his plan for total control. Carlos Giffoni, Juan Doe, and Matt Krotzer continue to tell the heartbreaking tale of this brave little kitty being used and abused by his humans. It’s really sad as to how monstrous humanity is.

| Published by Dark Horse

Superman Smashes the Klan #1 is really damn good. Inspired by the radio serial of the same name, Gene Luen Yang, Gurihiru, and Janice Chiang present a wonderfully nuanced tale of the struggle that a young Chinese family have moving to Metropolis and the overt and casual racism that greets them. The characterizations of the family are impeccable, giving us what feels like very real people, and it makes the story even more heartbreaking when you see what’s happening to them. Especially through the gorgeous art from the Gurihiru pair.

| Published by DC Comics

Tales from the Dark Multiverse - Batman: Knightfall #1 is the first of these one-shots examining some of the most popular events of the DC Universe as they played out in dark reflection. Your enjoyment of this will definitely be predicated on how much you enjoy the grim and gritty Batmen who went wrong during Metal. As a story, though, Scott Snyder, Kyle Higgins, Javier Fernandez, Alex Guimarães, and Clayton Cowles give us an interesting one, with some nice twists, and a suitably bleak Gotham. The art from Fernandez and Guimarães is really good.

| Published by DC Comics

Teen Titans #35 gives us new perspective on the traitor to the team, with Adam Glass, Bernard Chang, Marcelo Maiolo, and Rob Leigh building up sympathy for their decisions, even if they are somewhat demented. It also continues to point that what Damian has been doing is rather villainous. The shades of grey are fairly interesting.

| Published by DC Comics

Trees: Three Fates #2 delves a bit more into the mystery of the dead man and also a great depiction in the past of the romance blossoming between Klara and Sasha. Warren Ellis, Jason Howard, Dee Cunniffe, and Fonografiks are building a very compelling story here, complete with some interesting big ideas to make you wonder about Sasha.

| Published by Image

Vampirella #4 is still rather odd, told in a rather disjointed way that’s pretty much Priest’s style to its natural extreme. Weird stuff with the nuns and all sorts of temptation. The art from Ergün Gündüz remains a huge draw for this story.

| Published by Dynamite

X-Men #1 begins the first wave of the “Dawn of X” titles in this next stage of the brave new world the X-Men have found themselves in, from Jonathan Hickman, Leinil Francis Yu, Garry Alanguilan, Sunny Gho, and Clayton Cowles. It’s much more “normal” compared to the HOXPOX event, operating more standard hero/villain conflict and setting up the continued threat of Orchis, but there are still moments to bask in the new with Magneto and the potentially unsettling as we see Corsair react to all of his family together and the strangeness of Krakoa. This feels like a way to make more traditional X-elements work within this new framework, giving us a great start.

| Published by Marvel

Other Highlights: Absolute Carnage: Scream #3, Absolute Carnage vs. Deadpool #3, Aero #4, Analog #9, Ask for Mercy - Season 2 #3, Captain America #15, Crazy #1, The Crow/Hack/Slash #4, Dead Beats, Death-Defying Devil #3, Firefly #10, History of the Marvel Universe #4, Journey to Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker - Alliance #2, Lucifer #13, Marvel Action: Black Panther #4, Once & Future #3, The Realm #15, Sparrows Roar, Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #4, Titans: Burning Rage #3, Wonder Woman: Come Back to Me #4

Recommended Collections: Bad Luck Chuck - Volume 1, Black Hammer: Streets of Spiral, Calamity Kate - Volume 1, Coda - Volume 3, Critical Role: Vox Machina - Origins - Volume 1, Gideon Falls - Volume 3: Stations of the Cross, Goddess Mode, Gogor, Justice League Dark - Volume 2: Lords of Order, The Life & Death of Toyo Harada, Ms. Marvel - Volume 1, Planet of the Nerds - Volume 1, Robots & Princesses - Volume 1, Runaways - Volume 4: But You Can’t Hide, Spider-Man: City at War, Star Wars: Tie Fighter

d. emerson eddy still thinks that Pumpkin Spice was the most underutilized of the Spice Girls.

#This Week in Comics

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