#it’s a shame because I was a little psyched for this episode

[mugiwara-lucy]

My thoughts on the Fifth Gear debut episode?

I know this is unpopular but I found it a bit disappointing and underwhelming.

Now between all the over the top flashy effects, them reusing the Gear 5 animation multiple times, the Hiyori stuff taking up a good deal of the episode along with Luffy bouncing around so much it was wasting time….this episode does NOT stack up to previous Ishigani episodes imho and AT BEST it’s a 7.5/10.

Now I don’t dislike this episode and think it’s a good, fun episode but it does NOT stack up to the juggernauts of Episodes 1015, 982 and DEFINITELY Episode 957 imho.

#one piece #one piece anime #toei animation #my thoughts #it’s a shame because I was a little psyched for this episode #while not on the same level as anyone else I found it disappointing #MAINLY with Luffy constantly jumping around because it felt like they were padding for time #and the Hiyori stuff should’ve been stuffed into episodes 1068 or episode 1069 #that way we can make this PURELY gear 5 because gear 4 boundman and tank man didn’t feel like they were padding for time

[princessfbi]

okey so i need some tv recs for this hiatus 911 fan overall procedure fans i guess that's all the vibe i can think of to ask lol so hit me with your recs

EXCELLENT! So glad you’ve come to me Nonnie. I am honored. This is in no particular order but in terms of general procedurals with similar 911 vibes I’ve got a couple:

1. Sirens

It’s about a paramedic team in Chicago and it’s fucking hilarious. We're talking laugh out loud can still quote it from memory hilarious. There’s two seasons and each episode is about 25 minutes so it’s easy to get through. There is a British counterpart that is also funny but it’s definitely a different tone for sure.

**If you were a fan of Arrow then you'll recognize Josh Segarra

***Also you can scream with me and @lucydonato about the show

2. ER

I always describe 911 to people as ER for first responders. Part of that is because it’s so episodic. It gets really melodramatic at times and there are a LOT of story lines but for the most part the general stakes keep to one episode at a time and the show gives you permission to let things go which is nice. I’m a fan of the earlier seasons as opposed to the later seasons but Angela Bassett is in the last season. Lots of great guest spots and very character driven.

**Characters do die in this show so be aware of MCD warnings. No one is safe in that show. Except maybe Noah Wylie but that's cus it's Noah Wylie.

3. Numb3rs

It’s an awesome crime procedural with a twist on it. The oldest brother, Don, is an FBI agent who has his baby brother, Charlie, help him solve crime using math. This show has all the tropes too. Brother relationship, found family, etc etc.

4. Psych

It’s a procedural with a much lighter tone. Shawn pretends to be psychic and solves crime. It’s chaotic and messy and wonderful and perfect.

**Gives me coming home from the pool and vegging on the couch summer vibes.

5. Castle

On the same side of the coin, it’s another procedural with a twist. Castle is a successful mystery novelist who helps solve crime. Nathan Fillion for those fans of The Rookie and there's a lot powerful female characters in it.

6. Murder, She Wrote

MSW walked so that Castle could run. This is an oldie but a good. Angela Lansbury is a mystery writer who solves crime. It’s super cool knowing that she insisted on hiring a lot of older guest stars so that they could continue to be in the union and get their benefits. Also omg the 80s/90s wardrobe. There's also a couple of episodes with other detectives and crime solvers when Angela started to get tired carrying the weight of quality television on her shoulders.

7. Drop Dead Diva

THIS is such a good law procedural. It has the added bonus as having the same casting director as 911 so you’ll see a lot of familiar faces. But Deb is a model who died and got reincarnated in the body of a plus size lawyer named Jane and it’s the most wonderful little nugget that just existed in its own space. It was SO ahead of it's time on certain issues and it deals with a variety of topics such as body shaming, slut shaming, mental health, etc in such a kind and compassionate and positive way.

**Gives me late summer 'I haven't moved from the couch and omg it's season three' vibes

8. Scorpion

A team of geniuses (with neurodivergent representation in action genre scenarios) who help solve crime and crisis situations for homeland security. Lots of found family feelings! SO MANY! Big time character driven show.

9. White Collar

A white collar criminal agrees to help solve crime with the FBI agent who arrested him. Neal is so whumpable and it's one of the few times I've seen a fandom really embrace the idea of a poly relationship in fanon? Idk I wasn't really in it but the fics I saw all seemed to agree that no one would complain if Peter, Neal, and Elizabeth all lived happily ever after with their golden retriever. NOW, I will say this is a Jeff Eastin show and he has a tendency to take the amazing female characters in the show, throw them in a blender, and then bring them back as Frankenstein's monster bride and act like he didn't just ruin their character and it drives me fucking insane. BUT those first couple of seasons are fantastic.

Ask Me for TV Recs To Get You Through Hiatus

#anon #911 on abc #911 on fox #white collar #scorpion #murder she wrote #drop dead dive #castle #psych #numb3rs #er #sirens #tv show rec #wga solidarity #wga strong

[elliegoose]

Big mental health/life post, because i really wanna put this stuff down on the page and could use the feeling of being heard right about now.

in the summer because of some unfortunate stuff i moved halfway across the country to live with my parents. then some other stuff happened that ended up incidentally triggering some really extreme bipolar episodes--that's why i was in the psych ward a couple months ago and also why i took an unannounced hiatus from this blog for most of october--and ever since then i've been just... struggling kind of a lot.

i feel disconnected from my art, my sexuality, cooking, music, and most things that have been important to me. i don't feel the sense of home that i used to have out in texas. i'm anxious and down most of the time. i feel especially disconnected from the kink communities that used to be kind of the center of my online social life. this has been a particularly difficult emotional blow to endure and a particularly large reason why i've felt so awful.

in the past month, i've developed an inexplicable social anxiety that's horrible to deal with as someone who's normally very outgoing and who used to find socializing very easy. now, though, i'm often just filled with self-doubt and panic while trying to socialize with people, which is making it incredibly difficult to keep building the new friendships i've started to foster out here in my new city.

i'm just doing the best i can every day, attending my IOP program, applying the skills i've been learning there as diligently as possible, keeping up with my hobbies (for as disconnected as i feel from art i'm still doing quite a bit of it, and picking up the banjo has done so much to sustain what little of my mental health i still have), getting out into nature, going to a lot of fun events (drag shows, happy hours, full moon rituals, ttrpg/boardgame nights, furry meetups, folk musician meetups, etc.) and hanging out with the folks i meet there as often as i'm able even despite all my newfound social anxiety, but even with all that i'm just... persistently in emotional pain that i don't know how to effectively alleviate.

i know part of it is that i'm out of work, and i know having a job will give my life more structure, but i also know that's not the whole of what's happening here. i've been out of work before and it's not affected me this badly. it's also that i'm lonely, deeply unsure of myself after making some unwise decisions and having to face so many of my flaws, grappling with my disproportionate senses of shame, anxiety, and responsibility, yearning for more purpose and autonomy than i currently have, wanting to feel like i'm contributing to something larger than myself, and anxious after going through so much chaos and repeated disruption and loss.

i'm glad my IOP demands sobriety because it's been a struggle to not use alcohol as a crutch.

fucking... life. it's been a goddamn year for sure.

#elise.rtf

[storytime-reviews]

Insatiable TV Review

A bullied teenager turns to beauty pageants as a way to exact her revenge, with the help of a disgraced coach who soon realizes he's in over his head.

I recently watched both seasons of Insatiable, and certainly did not expect to enjoy it as much as I did. I of course remember when the show first came out, because of the attention surrounding the way in which Patty Bladell (Debby Ryan) loses weight in the first episode, and the subsequent campaigns to remove the show. Insatiable should come with a big trigger warning for eating disorders and fat shaming, but I also felt that the ways in which Patty’s eating and exercise related behaviours are addressed throughout the show in no way minimise or glamorise the weight loss situation in the first place.

In fact, I don’t think the show would have worked so well if it ignored the issue. Instead, Patty is shown to constantly, realistically, struggle with self-esteem issues related to her weight. Both from the obsessive desire to maintain her weight, and therefore, her newfound value in the eyes of others, but also in the sense that she is never truly satisfied because she can so easily recognise how little people cared about her due to their fatphobia. And whilst many of these scenes could be triggering, I also found them to be relatable in so many ways. I personally liked that the show didn’t shy away from this.

That being said, Insatiable is a highly stylised black comedy, so it was never going to be quite what people may have wanted or expected out of it. Whilst it is no laugh out loud comedy, the ridiculous situations that the characters find themselves in are genuinely amusing, and make for some interesting viewing. I can’t say that I particularly liked any of the characters, but I enjoyed all of the character dynamics. Patty and her pageant coach, Bob (Dallas Roberts), have so many great scenes together and play off each other so well. They are both so similar, ruled by ridiculous dreams and notions of revenge, that their strange relationship makes a weird kind of sense.

But I particularly liked how by the second season so many other character relationships are developed and explored as well. Everyone in this show is the exact kind of unusual that works in a black comedy, yet Patty and Bob absolutely shine amongst them. They cannot help but continue to get into trouble, and their antics drive the narrative forward. What I also like about Insatiable however is that the plot clearly impacts on the character’s own psyches as well – in many ways making them even worse versions of themselves. Whilst I don’t really like any of these characters, I absolutely love watching them, especially when they are at their worst. And to be honest, you can’t help but root for the revenge that is leveled at their enemies.

In a weird kind of way, considering how ridiculous and heightened these characters are, they feel real and compelling because they are constantly changing and influenced by the people and events surrounding them. I actually really enjoyed Insatiable, and was disappointed to discover it was canceled after season 2.

#insatiable #insatiable tv #insatiable netflix #debby ryan #dallas roberts #alyssa milano #tv review

[autcnomy]

I’m really fuckin angry about “Shattered.”

Lionel Luthor is like some kind of mestastacizing cancer. 

He manages to make Clark feel guilty for being loyal to Lex, and blame himself for Lana’s injuries, which are wholly an accident ultimately caused BY Lionel. 

He makes certain Lex will never trust ANY form of psychiatric care (which he desperately needs) because the person could (quite plausibly!) be tied to Lionel.  Which, whether Lex stays in the “looney bin” that he already mistrusts, or is released and then slowly erodes under the force of (justified!) paranoia, will ensure that his son has a psychotic break that’s REAL, and then externalize it onto others.

This was the perfect opportunity for Clark to come clean to Lex.  The look on Lex’s face, when Clark busted Edge’s car, is one of almost rapturous, tearful awe.  He is happy to know Clark isn’t human; he is grateful that Clark stood by him and convinced Chloe and Lana to help.  But instead Clark chooses to run.  

I also think Jonathan and Martha are the least likable they’ve ever been. Harboring Lex would not have put Clark in danger anymore than letting Lex go  Edge wasn’t even after Clark.  It seems like bad writing that they’d just stand there looking sorry for Lex and not fucking HELP him. Where the hell are their parental instincts??? I mean, even Jonathan had finally caved and accepted Lex at this point, and he just bought them their entire farm back! 

It’s also bad writing that everyone would think Lionel trying to drug his son was implausible. Like, that’s Satan’s ballsack, folks, hair and all.  Why the hell would you think him incapable of that? 

Anyway Michael Rosenbaum is the best actor on that show and he broke my heart with his amazingly nuanced performance in this episode.  I remember the “Hurt” Johnny Cash number to this day, and I don’t  care if Lionel is having misgivings while watching his only child walk around in a padded cell with the belief that he is so completely alone in the world, putting him there because that child took his own teachings and applied them TOO well.

I fucking HATE him. 

Other observations: 

1) Do we ever find out exactly how Lex “hurt” baby Julian and “caused him to die”? (I don’t think Lionel was lying about this, but I have to fucking hate him even more because he then weaponizes that childhood trauma to make Lex feel guilty and falter--”Be careful, Lex, I can’t lose another child”r ead: like you made me lose Julian and Lucas already. AGH!)  Can we also acknowledge the school belltower incident a little more because....god... “You know I cant take it when he cries, dad.”  What does that mean. Does that mean he accidentally smothered Julian? Does that mean he held him too tightly when singing a lullabye and “can’t take it” was a compassion response? Is Lex actually autistic, and did he panic because he was in sensory overload? 

2) I remember now that this episode is why I was never hugely on board with Clex. I can completely see why people ship it.  But I’ve had a longtime headcanon that, once Lucas didn’t pan out, Clark more fully became Lex’s second chance at raising a baby sibling, and Lex uses the only love language he knows--gifts--to express his need to be important to Clark.  This got even more pronounced after Helen’s betrayal, and Lionel’s (latest), and certainly was always brewing because Lex was close to Lillian, and Julian’s death had to profoundly wound her.  Lex has been carrying that guilt around for nearly two decades, and it’s VERY significant that when he was feeling the most vulnerable and afraid, his mind went to what his psyche still deems his worst and most shameful mistake. 

#Lex Luthor #Smallville Lex Luthor #Michael Rosenbaum #smallville s3 spoilers #meta #i mean kinda #lately i'm just screaming lol #ooc

[ultrahpfan5blog]

Secret Invasion - Excellent performances and interesting ideas squandered with mediocre execution....

I was actually pretty psyched for Secret Invasion when the trailers came out. I didn't feel there was a whole lot of hype around the show but I was looking forward to it. After the fairly jokey nature of recent MCU, I was looking forward to the pivot towards more darker material, similar to TWS, and TFATWS. Now I didn't think TFATWS was great but it was solid and TWS is arguably my favorite MCU film to date and the trailers for Secret Invasion definitely felt like they were more that tone.

Having seen the series, it really feels like Marvel just don't have a handle on how to pace and structure their tv shows. Secret Invasion, at 6 episodes and such an intricate storyline, had no business being a slow burn show with a rushed ending. This should have been a fast paced paranoid thriller. Maybe all of it should have been set within a very short window of time. Instead, as a lot of these MCU shows have done, there are episodes where very little happens, and then there are episodes where a lot happens and it feels rushed. Given that this is now a common occurrence in the MCU tv shows, it seems obvious that the writers don't have a handle on how to pace these 6 episode series. Also, this show was oddly small for a show that was about something so big. There was a lot of sidestepping to try and explain why Fury was the person who had to be the one who stopped Gravik and why he couldn't involve some of his powered friends. While the explanation works up to a point, when the world is on the brink of WWIII, the explanation starts falling apart. Then there are certain relationships that are very essential to the emotional weight of the show, which have far too little screen time for us to really care. The marriage of Fury and Priscilla/Varra is a bond that is brought up throughout the back half of the season, but the truth is that it is treated with a sort of reverence in the show which it has not earned from the audience, which is a damn shame because Jackson and Woodard do some excellent work in their scenes together. Then there is the whole ending of the show. While they do shake up the status quo a bit, which I hope will be followed up in the next Captain America movie, there are some very dumb decisions taken as well. For example, the decision to make G'iah into a superpowered being who is ridiculously overpowered is something that will be a ramification the MCU will have to deal with for a while. Maybe they will have this make more sense in a future MCU project, but for now, it does seem strange that they made such an OP character all of a sudden. Also, the bait and switch in the finale cheapens a very fine scene. The entire scene between Gravik and Fury was actually very meaningful, but having Fury be G'iah all along makes that scene loose its emotional value because we don't know if that is what Fury feels.

The damn shame about the show is that there is actually a fair amount of stuff that is actually pretty good. There is some excellent acting work in the show. Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Mendelsohn, Kingsley Ben-Adir, Olivia Colman, Don Cheadle, and Charlayne Woodard all do some excellent work on the show. The actual story of the show is interesting because we actually do genuinely see that the Skrulls have very legitimate grievances against Fury. He is a man who used the Skrulls as agents, gained power within SHIELD as a result, but did not find a new home for the Skrulls and did not have the courage to admit that finding a new home wasn't possible. And then he deserted them on Earth and went to Saber. The resentment built up in the Skrulls is totally understandable. And Jackson does an excellent job showing a much more brittle and guilt ridden man, as opposed to the confident operative we have seen in the past. His dynamic with Talos is one of the highlights of the show. Ben Mendelsohn was insanely likable as Talos and his death was honestly one of the most gut wrenching deaths in the MCU. Olivia Colman just looked like she was having a ball of a time and boost of witty energy whenever she's on screen. Don Cheadle does some of his best work. The scenes between Fury and Rhodey, both before and after Fury find out that he's a Skrull, are impeccable. Kingsley Ben-Adir does a lot to make Gravik was a very understandable villain, even though his backstory is half baked and told rather than shown. Similarly, Charlayne Woodard is excellent, even though her character gets the sort of reverence from the show which is never earned by the writing. The scenes with her and Jackson are excellent and they are able to get that "married for a long time" feel despite barely any setup. Emilia Clarke is a bit of a mixed bag. She's forced to be rather stoic throughout most of the show, so she doesn't get to stand out despite being a significant part of the show.

The tone and story of the show is interesting. The idea of infiltration and creating paranoia is a good concept and when the show leans into that, its pretty good. But the show then also tries to be a bit too big for its boots by introducing super Skrulls and attempting to start WWIII. So it sometimes feels like the showrunners and writers aren't sure what show they are trying to make.

All in all, this isn't a bad show, but it had potential to be much better. If executed right, it could have been up there with MCU's best. Its a show that actually had some major character deaths like Maria Hill and Talos, and at least seems to have rattled the status quo of the Earth and not every thing is settled by the end of the show, but the execution of how things led to that point felt a little lacking. I would say this ranks around a 5 to 6/10.

#secret invasion #secret invasion spoilers #samuel l jackson #olivia colman #ben mendelsohn #emilia clarke #kingsley ben adir #don cheadle #charlayne woodard #skrulls #nick fury #sonya falsworth #talos #g'iah #gravik #james rhodes #priscilla fury #varra

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Kalim?

I actually had my Kalim Character Opinion Bingo queued up 😂

***Standard disclaimer: These are just my personal opinions of the character(s); regardless of what I may think of them, sharing my thoughts is NOT meant to offend or to shame anyone that thinks differently.***

This is probably a very unpopular opinion, but Kalim is my favorite dorm leader. Among the roster of students, he really is the “odd one out”. Unlike his peers, Kalim doesn’t seem to hold any kind of overwhelming power, crushing aura, or intentional malice. He doesn’t operate in an underhanded way, either. He’s the genuine article, friendly and cheerful, someone that’s easy to approach and talk with, someone that’s eager to lend his support and even his finances if needed. Kalim is a leader that is truly well-loved, not feared, and that is reflected in how much his dorm members look up him, respect him, and feel entirely comfortable telling him about their troubles. It’s a nice change of pace seeing someone actually want to help, no strings attached unlike Octavinelle, and it leads to a lot of funny interactions in which people react to Kalim’s... oblivious, carefree, and overly trusting nature.

There’s an almost child-like naivety in Kalim, most likely as the result of growing up ultra-wealthy and sheltered, so he has no idea about how the real world works. He also relies on Jamil to do a lot of things for him, and admittedly, I find the lack of self-sufficiency not very appealing. However, Kalim has demonstrated a willingness to learn and to improve himself, especially post-episode 4, so I have faith that with a little elbow grease and proper instruction, Kalim can do it! I would love it if we could see Kalim grow out of his rich boy roots and broaden his horizons. Sure, the world may not glisten like the gold he has grown up surrounded by, but it would be extremely valuable for him to be exposed that which doesn’t glitter--so that maybe he can help not just the people immediately around him, but those out in the world, too.

I think that Kalim is usually perceived as not that deep because of how happy-go-lucky he is. However, that would be disregarding all of the hardships he has endured up until this point in his life. Kalim has never had to worry about money a day in his life, but he certainly has had to worry about attempts on his life every second of every day--and I can’t imagine what that must do to a kid’s psyche. Unfortunately, we never really hear too much about how Kalim feels about these assassination attempts, but I think that him just speaking so nonchalantly about them tells us all we need to know. It’s routine. He barely bats an eye at them anymore... but that doesn’t mean that they haven’t cut him and hurt him deeply.

If you look at Kalim’s official profile, his least favorite food is curry. Why is that? Because, as Kalim tells us in-game, Jamil once taste-tested a curry dish for him--a dish which had been spiked with poison. That curry put him in a coma for several weeks, during which Kalim was at a very real risk of losing someone he thought of as a close childhood friend. What must have been going through Kalim’s head in that moment? Pain, sadness, confusion, fear, guilt. He couldn’t bring himself to look at curry the same ever again... something he still says with a smile. It makes me think that all the happiness that Kalim projects outward may be just a coping mechanism for him to deal with the daily threat of being killed, and the unconscious thought of how many others he must have endangered just with his existence. Any other person would be somber, always on high alert--but Kalim isn’t, because how can anyone he’s with have a good time if he isn’t? He has to play the part of a happy host, chasing away the looming threat so that even he, for just a moment, can pretend like he’s living in a dream. That may be entirely speculation on my part, but I think it’s an interesting angle to observe Kalim’s character from.

There’s two major popular takes about Kalim floating around in the fandom. The first of these is that he is incompetent or somehow unfit for his position. This belief is mainly derived from Kalim’s poor academic performance, as well as something that Jamil drops in episode 4: that Kalim got the seat of dorm leader via nepotism and large donations the Asim family made to NRC. The bribing part might be true, but I wholeheartedly believe that Kalim DOES embody the mindfulness of the Sorcerer of the Desert, and that he doesn’t lack intelligence. On the contrary, Kalim is incredibly socially intelligent--Leona even points it out as a strength of Kalim’s in episode 6--and he unintentionally knows how to wield it well to forge strong relationships with others. This is an incredible skill for a merchant or a businessman to have; Kalim can make connections with people and create what is essentially a network of buddies to help him out of any and every situation, and he doesn’t even REALIZE the power he has. That’s scary in its own way--can you imagine how terrifying that power would be in the hands of someone that DOES have ill intent?

Now, the second belief that’s pretty popular is that Kalim has done no wrong. While I’m not saying that I think Kalim is secretly an evil mastermind, to think that he has done “no wrong” implies he is totally innocent and has never done anything bad in his entire life. In my opinion, Kalim has hurt people, and in a way that’s more insidious than you may think. He hurts people through his words without even realizing it. Like Rook, Kalim is brutally honest--but unlike Rook, Kalim has zero self-awareness. As a result of that lack of a filter, Kalim unintentionally says things that can offend other people (ie when he commented that Riddle tires fast, implying he has low stamina)--and because he’s so candid about it, it can somehow sting all the more. I can see some people easily dismissing this because Kalim doesn’t hurt others on purpose, but I disagree because hurt is still hurt, whether intentional or not. I do believe that Kalim would apologize afterwards once he realized his mistake or if someone were to express that they were offended by him, but that still doesn’t change the damage he did, or the fact that he wasn’t able to stop it from happening in the first place. It’s the same principle that made Jamil resent Kalim so much: his obliviousness to the suffering of others, and the naivety to believe that every problem has a simple solution. I don’t necessarily blame Kalim in his entirety for this; it’s an obvious area of weakness for him, and something that can be improved with time and experience. He should still, however, be held accountable and own up to his mistakes (which, again, I think he will more readily do than the other NRC boys would).

#Kalim Al-Asim #twst #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #notes from the writing raven #ask game #character opinion bingo #spoilers

[livingthroughblog]

So what do we do now?

If you're taking the time to read this I can only assume you're trying to stay alive and I am so proud of you for that. It takes a lot of strength to make that choice, a choice I hope you continue to make It took me many years to accept that this is a part of me. I used to believe each time I got out of a suicidal episode that that would be it, I thought "great, I made it out, I feel better", I didn't think it would come back. But it kept coming back, and every time it did I felt even more hopeless than the last. I'd convinced myself last time that it was indeed going to be the last time So when it came back again I felt even weaker than before. I had exerted so much time and energy trying to pin point, process and overcome the things that have made me feel suicidal in the first place and those thoughts creeping back in always made me feel like the effort I'd put in was for nothing. I believed that as long as these thoughts continued to come to me there was no point in even trying. It was too much effort and it "wasn't working". Each time it happened again made me want to give up even more than I ever had before "it's only a matter of time before I finally give in" I would think to myself. I spent years basically waiting to commit suicide. Going about daily life as best I could, just waiting for the next episode to be the final one. Then I had a little bit of a revelation. After 22 years fighting these thoughts and urges, this time it hit me that this aspect of my psyche was not going away... and maybe accepting that was the only thing that was going to make it easier to live with? Cause I've chosen to live. I'm staying here (as I hope you are). And with that, what I want to be focussing on now is what I can do for myself, to make staying here feel that little bit better.

This is where acceptance came in. I decided to let those thoughts be there, to accept they are a part of me. I still feel a bit crazy because of it some times but I'm getting there. And when I began to give myself some grace the shame of it all began to lift. I found when I accepted rather than fought those thoughts they had a lot less power over me. For years I would freak out when I noticed those thoughts begin to resurface. I would subconsciously be telling myself I wasn't as strong as I thought I was, or if it's back again then there's no point in trying to fight it because if I hadn't got over it by now I never would. I was telling myself some really shit stories, basically. Somewhere in there I wanted to allow and accept it but I feared that truly seeing it and opening up to it would give it the power to overtake every aspect of me completely, however, when I began telling myself something more along the lines of "There it is again. Well I knew it was going to come at some point and now it's here I also know it's going away again too. It always comes but it also always goes away." I gave it less power than I had before. I learned the opposite of my fear was actually true. Accepting and allowing instead of fighting had effectively made it shrink. The only thing giving these thoughts power was my fear, my shame, my attention. And the thoughts and feelings subsided far quicker than they typically would, I'd used up far less energy than I typically would "fighting" one of these episodes. And my rational thoughts remained stronger than they had before. And instead of feeling defeat I felt proud of how I'd handled this time, I didn't have a suicide plan in my head this time, I had more confidence in myself knowing I can live with this part of me being there, somewhere, in the back of my mind, laying dormant for the majority but every now and then rearing its ugly head. I don't have to fear those days, those thoughts. I don't have to let those episodes make me feel as though my healing work was all for nothing. I don't have to buy in to the horrible things my mind sometimes tries to tell me and neither do you For now this is part of my life and what I can control is how I choose to handle that

#mentalhealth #keepgoing #suicideprevention #livingthroughsuicidalideation

[katsushika-division]

Rintaro's Thoughts on Kanazawa Division

Wataru Sasaki

"Not this motherfucker. When they finally caught me they dragged this guy down all the way from Kanazawa to interrogate me. Let me tell you something he pisses me the fuck off. Sanctimonious bastard.” Rintaro takes a deep breath. “He asked me why ya know.  Why did I do it? He's not the first to ask me that question but he's the first I bothered answering.” Rintaro lets out a barking laugh. “So I told him and I quote. "Why did I do it?  I. Am. Bored. And I want to burn something down. You and everyone else are just collateral. How's that for why?" You should've seen his stupid face! He looked at me like I was insane! Hahaha! Maybe he’s right but I’ll let him know right here and now. Society abandoned me first. Make of that what you will.” Rintaro pauses. “I have another reason why I don't like him. He’s one of the main officers with the Cinder case and has orders to apprehend her.” Rintaro pulls out a lighter from inside his jacket repeatedly flicking it on and off. “He’s not going to catch her. Not if I have anything to say about that.” 

Kyler Aaron

“Huh, an American? I didn't think we had a good relationship with America especially after Tohoten refused to extradite Akihisa for his crime of assassinating the president.” Rintaro whistles. “Damn, I knew the old man was an infamous hitman but the US president? That takes some serious skill to pull off. Can’t say I have anything against this guy but considering he’s allies with the bastard and the bitch well that’s enough to put him in my burn book. I will warn him my burn book is a bit different than the one in Mean Girls.” 

Joey Kurusu

Rintaro snarled at the picture of the blonde-haired detective. “This son of a bitch. He came to interview Touya one day. It wasn't really a concern at the time mainly because all three of us have had people come and interview us in prison. This time it was different because it ended with Touya having a psychotic episode and having to be restrained in the psych ward. It's not uncommon for Touya’s episodes to last a day or two but this one lasted a week.” Rintaro grimaced. “Do you know what it's like to see someone you care about like a little brother forcibly strapped to a bed screaming and crying? It isn’t a pretty sight. Touya eventually came back from his episode but he refuses to say what happened. The old man managed to figure it out and he told me. First, fuck you for thinking Touya killed your sister. Second, do you think I would let Touya around Akari if I didn't know he would rather cut off his own hand than harm a hair on her head? Touya is many things but he's not someone who preys on children.” Rintaro lights a cigarette. “I’m letting Joey Kurusu know right now that he better count his fucking days because he hurt someone I care about. I've committed atrocities for less.”

Justice Shield

“You know I can see Chuohku putting us against them for shit and giggles. Three of the worst criminals in recent history against a team of law enforcement? That's the type of shit that writes itself. Shame Chuohku has a certain idea of who our opponent will be. I was kinda wishing to demonstrate to this team why I got the moniker “The High Rise Bomber”. It would be such a tragedy if the Kanazawa Police Station found itself up in flames.”

#hypnosis microphone #hypnosis mic #hypmic #hypmic oc #hypnosis mic oc #katsushika division #death row block #rintaro himura #kanazawa division #justice shield #wataru sasaki #kyler aaron #joey kurusu

[skayafair]

Ep 31 random thoughts

At first I was like "isn't it supposed to be gut-wrenching (whoops sorry), why is it comedy" but it came along!

Wow Arthur, digging your own grave with passion, aren't you.  Although I like the display of those little moments everyone has but most choose to forget about - the ugliest, the most shameful ones. Arthur didn't have this choice in his nightmare, but I also appreciate the attitude. "I'm not scared I'm pissed" is a good one in this case. Arthur's getting really used to all the horrors, not that easy to scare or control anymore. It's satisfying to hear, but I'd also like to applaud the brutal honesty.  On the one hand it's useless to pretend in front of a being who's inducing and watching your worst nightmares, who's making you drag yourself through dirt - what's the point, it already knows. On the other hand - it still takes some balls to admit all this baggage.

(Making it really easy to hate him, right, and I actually agree with every James' word here, that punch was well-deserved.) 

(But I also listen to Malevolent not because I like Arthur but because he and all the rest is interesting.)

(John and Yellow - yeah I like those guys tho)

The doubts in John - good, actually, I think John himself would be relieved. He hates lying to his friend, or, rather, being good at it. Knowing he isn't should make it a bit easier.

And I think I like Scratch  it's a really good monster, and this episode was one a the very few that actually made me tense. Scratch is terrifying, and I can't explain exactly why. Probably has to do with digging one's psyche. That sickening nightmarish terror - it's there, it turned out really well. I think this is the type of horror that can actually rattle me and weirdly enough, I enjoy the feeling.

Also I envy Arthur with being so sure he controls his dreams because they are his. Idk pal, if it's some otherwordly (probably) being who's inducing them, the rules may be different and I'd consider this option (which would have probably killed me). So yay! You go man! Confidence and pure spite! Admitting past mistakes is a good thing, but one should know when to stop beating themselves up about those and go on with their life, taking those mistakes into consideration. Looks like hitting the bedrock and still getting back up really helped Arthur to deal with his past and face some aspects he couldn't before. That's a good thing.

But I also have to say this - Arthur having a thoughtful monologue on the nature and essence of the evil while digging a grave was hilarious. You're supposed to be out of breath or you aren't really trying, man! Figures it's a dream, wouldn't have been able to do so irl.

But also. Why the widow's caves were the only place he refused to go so stubbornly? Because he really didn't want to wake up and John's voice was the loudest there? And the prison pits weren't even brought up. Weird.

Knew I was missing smth! First - John is "gold". Aww. Second - "nothing golden is supposed to stay" - not hehe, abandonment issues strike again.

And. Scratch mirroring John in the end with all that "you are my favourite, you let me out and showed the world outside, it's thanks TO YOU" - how soon are they going to catch up and how fucked up will it turn out?

After reading some fandom reactions: y’all I don’t think Arthur wondering if he was happy his daughter wasn’t in this world anymore was “moving on”. I believe he didn’t move on from that loss at all. (”I hope you find your girl” doesn’t sound like that at all.) It was what it was - an ugly little moment when he felt relieved he didn’t have any responsibilities and could be free and do whatever. He wasn’t just letting himself enjoy life - one can do this in any circumstance - but specifically tying it to “because no one was depending on him”. It happens. It’s ugly but it does. It’s not a thought, it’s a feeling, and feelings cannot be controlled or morally schooled. Counsciously Arthur despises those moments but seems to accept them now as they are (which I think is the right way to address them.) I’m no therapist tho, so of course I may be mistaken.

And also I doubt all the words the “mirrors” have said to Arthur in this episode were his own. I think some parts were from Scratch, especially the last - “Larson’s” - ones.

#malevolent podcast #malevolent spoilers

[slippery-minghus]

huh. so like. transitioning from childhood into adolescence was really really hard for me. hard enough that even stating it like that is novel, rather than just "i was really weird and probably evil when i was 12" lol. but it just occurred to me how... autistic that was. the struggle with change. nevermind that from ages 10-13, my parents' relationship was worse than it ever had been as they approached divorce, and the tension in the house was enough to have set shit on fire but...

before my very eyes, things i enjoyed as a child were suddenly not fun anymore. i'd turn on a show i liked, one of the very few, and an episode i would have enjoyed the day before was mind-meltingly stupid. all of my toys—which because my mom substituted healthy love with giving me things, i had a lot of—dropped one at a time from my very short list of things that were fun. (un-dx'd autism also made playing with toys... boring as shit. could only put barbie in so many outfits. and i was too averse to social things to put her in Situations) what i did to my barbies when i finally couldn't stand them anymore was... it wasnt good.

and looking back at it through this lens though... i finally have an answer to the shocked and disgusted "what the hell was wrong with me??" it was because i was angry. i was scared. my parents were fighting all the time and i knew long before then that i couldn't rely on them for jack shit, so i had absolutely no recourse for dealing with the changes my brain was going through. changes i was going through while trying not to be abused, going through puberty (even as an adult shifts in my hormones make me extremely volatile), being bullied/ostracized by my friends and classmates, struggling for the first time with my grades (even though i was "Gifted"!), and of course, trying to fix my parents' marriage and their mental illnesses. all while having a brain that is particularly averse to change.

no wonder i was angry. no wonder i was scared. i was so alone. it was one of the rare occasions i actually acted out, and with the way i built my psyche to survive, no wonder that memory instills me with immediate shame. it was so unlike me to act out for a reason...

and i think back to another memory... one i hold very close to my heart. not because it was one where i was cared for, it's not even good. i think back to the brief stint when i was ten or so that mother put me in therapy for my "anger issues" (and i went unnoticed as autistic yet again. i know intellectually as an adult my mom just wanted to help... but that stint in therapy only reinforced the blame and the brokenness in me). one day, the therapist had me fill up this sandbox with figurines. she had so many to choose from, and it was so much fun. i'd never played with anything like it before. i remember i built a city, with ins and outs and lots of activity. but in the corner, closest to me, behind a wall where the rest of the city wasn't looking, i placed a little baby and an angry tiger. nobody could see how much danger i was in. nobody wanted to see. it was a quiet death.

#by the time i made it into my teens i'd learned not to act out anymore #i acted *in* #and looked at my past self with shame and disgust #but i see her... she was just a child. drowning. #i feel so angry for her. how she had to learn to eat her anger to survive. how she had to become disgusted by her own emotions to be safe #i feel so angry that she had to control herself in such a way that she would 'save up' acting out... hoping for the right moment #she was a doll onstage—giving the performance of her life. FOR her life—for parents who weren't even watching #(but who made her get back up there and keep going every time she got hurt or let on that she was tired) #that poor little girl #(i am genderless and always have been but... calling my younger self she and a girl feels like gentle affection. she was too little) #(because she only wanted to be good at being what she was told to be—being a girl included) #*takes a breath* i've been working hard on this psych shit lately damn #personal

[wilcze-kudly]

I'm gonna start by saying that the "Sweeties" "Darlings" and "Ooga boogas" gimicks have been used for ages as a passive aggressive way to infantalize and dissociate women's opinions. I'm assuming that's not your intention, but would appreciate you abstaining from using them with me or other creators that don't exactly agree with you. Especially it's a respectful response addressing some of your publicly posted and tagged opinions.

That's part of the reason I don't see myself interacting with you publicly. I don't feel you have a safe space to exchange opinions and ideas, I really like your blog and the boards you come up with, so that's a shame. Don't even know why I'm responding now, tbh.

Finally and trying to not write a goddam bible- I don't think Lin is a bitty-witty baby. I called her immature, neurotic and a whole mess during that episode. I don't expect you to see my point of view, since it clear you're just not receptive to it.

All in all this was Lin's emotional grow arch episode, not Su's. We were meant to see her evolve and that's pretty difficult to do if you're not in a shitty spot to start with.

Su was a new character. Back then we didn't have a lot of info on her, she wasn't going to be explored in deep during those 27 airing minutes. I believe she did get to her own episode by season 4 and has taken way more precedence that Lin in the comics, although pretty much all of her reconciling had to do with the whole Kuvira affair... Which to me says a lot on her psyche and how she may have processed her trauma with Lin back then.

In any case, I don't expect to get dragged into an online back and forth about a fictional show, I'm grown up enough to agree to disagree. Don't get salty over a fictional show/character, it's not worth your real life peace of mind.

Apologies about the petnames, I tend to use them with everybody. Its something that bleeds through from how I speak Irl. It's my way of saying I'm not taking this too seriously, since I saw this still as a mainly civil conversation?

Frankly, anon, your gender doesn't really exist to me because you are, um, anonymous.

And apologies if you felt attacked or unsafe with expressing your opinions. Is there any way you would recommend I could improve my way of dealing with criticisms of my rambles? I feel quite terrible for offending you now.

I just have been getting quite tired of people taking my mostly short posts on Su and adding to them things I never spoke of.

Talking about how Su often acts in a placating manner towards Lin somehow becomes a disscusion on whether or not Lin ows Toph and Su fogiveness

A post about how Suyin isn't the devil gets a response that completely misunderstood a completely different post of mine.

A post on Lin stagnating her own growth due to clinging to familiarity once again is met with complaints about Su and Toph, despite them really being an afterthought of that post.

Honestly, at this point I'm just tired that every single thing I post that is even mildly critical of Lin gets bombarded with "Oh but it's ok because she's so miserable" when Suyin NEVER gets the benefit of the doubt.

I will agree that the episode focusing on Lin isn't surprising. I think it is clunkily handled, and the resolution is odd. It flip flops between biases. The presentation is biased towards Lin, but the in universe storyline is biased towards Su is the best way to describe it. Also Lin's character arc feels a little hollow since she goes right back to thinking Su is the devil (or working with terrorists in this case)

I'd love to hear your thoughts on Suyin and her in the comics. I apologise if I haven't been the best conversation partner, however I really am curious of your opinions on otger characters.

I'm content to agree to disagree as well if that is what you perfer.

Dw I'll probably be less salty when it's not 2 am.

[menta11yi11]

People are all "support survivors of CSA" until that survivor is disabled, has dealt with housing insecurity, and resorted to firefighting methods of coping with their abuse through substance use and promiscuity. It's all "protect the kids" until that kid is angry, or they faun. Y'all only care if I'm a sad little crying girl. People didn't care I was being abused by my teacher because I was trans masc. I was treated like I should be honored to have a teacher take special interest in me, and be grateful that they let me stay at their house when I was living out of my car. I went from leaving a cult to being kicked out from house to shelter to psych wards to literally sleeping in abandoned buildings and the few people who had compassion for me was the Indigenous elders in the Cherokee nation. But no because I used he/him pronouns and passed fairly well, that Feminism and social justice wasn't permitted to me. "Oh but he waited until you were 18" that doesn't make it better. He just waited until he couldn't get arrested for sleeping with a minor. This man is 13 years older than me. But yeah sure victim blame the freshly 18 ftm autistic because you personally don't like them. I have no patience for Feminism that excludes male and masc survivors. Then got into another D.V relationship immediately after with someone who was like 25? And they told everyone I was dangerous and a manipulative abuser (k sorry for having psychosis immediately after losing all my support systems. My bad for being maladjusted and not knowing how to safely use drugs (literally just weed btw) or practice pagan stuff without it giving people unreality.) But do you really think an 18 yr old with a seizure disorder who was sleeping on a couch, not on the lease, and could lose shelter if I stepped on the wrong eggshell was the 'true abuser' in the situation? You really think someone who was having catatonic episodes in which I couldn't move while my hypersexual partner pressured me into sex was actually the Big Bad because the partner is trans femme? Go fuck yourself. Shame on you. Yeah I'm sure someone who is frozen in place for an hour is absolutely the rapist here /S

#cw assault #vent post #men can be victims too

[37-children-of-the-dreams]

I found one thing, I guess you may be interested in that, in japanese translation, in description of episode with Dax's story it was said in the end "Who are Dax's parents?" But only question this episode answers is "Who killed Dax's parents?". And we did saw only one of Dax's parents, not both... Thats weird thing. Also, in japanese translation, it said that " Six has 5 brothers including dead and alive".

Also interesting that even if monsuno had low budget, still no one had same launch animations, I mean really same, except 3 persons. Chase and Six are two ones here, and them cause Six is exacly Chase's clone. And there is third person - Dawnmaster. Also it was some kinda hint to Six's appearance, when Chase had vision when first met Droog, he met himself but red and holded hands with them. And so we didn't saw Dawnmaster's face, even skintone. Even his voice. That's weird. I mean, one of Six's special things that links him to Chase is that same launch. But Dawnmaster was before Six who did that. And some things weren't made to life, so this could be one of them.

If you don't feel good to answer, it's ok. Just wanted to share with you these theories, I think they're interesting

I guess Dax found both his parents and we never saw him bury his father since the episode was getting a little dark for a kid’s show.

As for Six having living brothers, I wish Monsuno had more seasons because Klipse made a ton of plot holes for the cast and most will never be answered.

I have been rewatching Monsuno to keep myself entertained while sick, and just watched Dawnmaster’s episodes. And you’re not wrong if you think Dawnmaster is another Klipse clone.

Dawnmaster’s color scheme is like those of Klipse even if he as a Core Tech core, he’s soft spoken, but sounds like he has a speech impediment, and he does have the same launch stance as Chase. Six has the Klipse coloration, is soft spoken and monotone at times, and due to being Chase’s clone has the same launch stance. They could be related, but we’ll never know.

The sad part of this theory is that Dawnmaster hasn’t been seen since season 1, and it’s really a shame because it would made a huge plot twist to show he is a clone and one of Six’s brothers. Like think of what it could have done to Six’s psyche and where the storyline would have gone if Dawnmaster had helped Six escape their father.

As for Six being foreshadowed in the episode with Droog, maybe it was just artistic choice since Chase was dealing with horrible visions and needed to reassure himself that everything was going to be alright, but it’d made a great foreshadowing since Six did help him and Lock become closer and lead Chase to save the world without killing off the Monsuno.

#monsuno #anon ask

[aqueerius69]

CW mention of childhood emotional abuse, nothing specific, NON SEXY rant / me just processing and screaming to the void

.

Gods I wish my brain could just NOT attach onto certain humans and like fuckin manically obsess over them for weeks on end after I perceive that I've "messed up." Like even on 3 different meds that I have to remember to take multiple times a day, with food, it takes me sometimes weeks to get from "hmm I did this unhealthy thing, have i done that before?" to actually replace my toxic pattern choices with healthy choices. Why is my head so fucked up?

I know the answer is trauma, and it's a rhetorical question. Clearly abandonment problems and unhealthy attachment styles. Very emotionally distant and stand offish with most people and then loving a select few too hard, not in the ways they need, getting swept up in an idea of someone rather than who they are, and overwhelming them with types of love or affection they don't like / when they need space. I know when i was a kid, this was how i kept myself safe, idealize them without end so that I didn't end up hating them. but these people in my life NOW are different. These people are loving and kind, and real love is not unconditional. That's not realistic.

People are allowed to let us go when we don't love them how they need. And healthy people don't need to be loved how I know how. So there's only, learning to love differently left.

I know healing what happened over and over when I was a kid alone takes time, not to mention consciously making a different choice. It requires being present in the moment, something I've never had an easy time with. Pausing to look around. Wow look at this little moat I've dug as I thought I was stuck. Wow look at how I'm throwing myself into the same cycles I had with my parents because I feel I have no control. Heck. Oh boy I can just, err, stop here. And...

Climb...

Out.

Damn its uh, it's kinda nice up here. Not so stuffy, there's a crisp breeze. Look at that! It changed seasons during the last few week mania-depressive episode. It's lovely out here, and I feel refreshed.

Nobody is perfect, brain. People are not as ideal as you make them appear. Please stop projecting these hopes and dreams onto people I fall in love with because holy fuck it is fucking ruining every good thing.

I can do healthy self reflection to acknowledge how I can be a better person in the future. I can see my patterns without shame, I can use grief and loss to remind myself what I stand to lose.

I can have self compassion and say, "I forgive myself for fixating on people I love." And ALSO enough self worth to say "those fixations no longer serve me because no matter how I wrap it up in psych terms, it's self sabotage. If I overwhelm them and they leave, I won't get more invested and more hurt in the future."

Yeah, ya goof, you also won't be in this relationship that you enjoy. Oops, you done hurt your own heart bb.

We deserve better. We can do better.

[sparring-spirals]

Noticed tonight how hesitant FCG was about healing or even just stabilizing the the verdict. Like, iirc they were totally, 100% fine with leaving the rival team to die. Gonna have to go back and rewatch later to see if I actually got a good read on it but. God FCG creeps me out in a way no other CR pc has and I’m so glad everyone seems to be noticing it now

I meaaaaan.... they might not have DIED died... just like. Died a little. ....

I like F.C.G, although I get what you mean. Its fair if this particular facet of F.C.G sets you on edge a bit, because... I THINK that's the point. Honestly, I've grown increasingly fond of F.C.G the more we learn about them, and the clearer the divide between the cheerful demeanor and the underlying morals of their actions become. Previously I was a little hesitant about it, but now that I know the vibes are intentional, things open up a lot more. The vibes being: Absolutely terrifying and slightly terrible in a well intentioned, uninformed way. Which is both wonderful to dig into, and extremely true to life.

(this got a little lengthy, throwing it under a read-more. Rampant speculations and assumptions abound below)

I talked about it a little here, and the more I've contemplated it, the more I really like my comparison of an AI attempting to apply an overly specific model to increasingly nuanced situations. F.C.G means well. I absolutely believe that. The casual cruelties, and moral gaps we're seeing more and more come down to things like:

inflexible definitions- of humanity, of empathy, of people who deserve better and people who aren't worth it. "Well, I'm not soul touched, but you all are-" The whole situation with the drunkard early on. Horses having less of a soul than people. The definitions set the rules, and everything outside of that doesn't matter.

very specific rules or solutions applied to situations that they don't fit on- attempting to give couples therapy to two random strangers, asking ritual questions and providing canned lines as comfort to people who aren't asking for it. Even the mind delve from this last episode- is almost like some kind of fucked up diagnostic, I guess.

And then, as a result, some of the more jarring behavior just feels like prioritization, with very specific models and rules in mind. The Verdict are less important than the Bells, so its not really as much of a concern if they die (even if it, clinically, would be a shame). If F.C.G's priority is to keep the Bells as a whole safe, tricking Imogen to dive into her mind is a fine concession. Imogen’s wellbeing, even, probably takes a higher priority over their relationship, or even Imogen’s desire to... not have her mind invaded.

And, I've been making a ton of comparisons to AI's, but honestly, its a very real-to-life comparison too. It's every inexperienced person who learned something new and then attempted to overapply the concept to everything in their life. It's why the comparisons to "college freshman who took 1 semester of psych and is way too confident with it" make sense. It's the way someone with a very specific life experience will explore something new and run into problems when their experiences and judgements no longer translate correctly. It is why someone with a great deal of confidence in something they only have a surface understanding of can stir up problems even with pure intentions.

It is not often malicious, but it can be extremely harmful.

But back to F.C.G specifically: I think F.C.G is supposed to make you feel a little uneasy, for what its worth, at least in this context.

And it IS possible Sam is planning to go a "silently evil and plotting murderbot" route, but I'm hoping for something closer to *points above*, if only because. I dunno. I find that more compelling. Plus he's a cute lil robit who loves his friends awww lookit :'D

#and this doesn't even touch on whether fcg has a killswitch HE doesnt know about. but I was trying to stay on this specific subject #critical role #cr spoilers #c3e21 #fcg #character meta #fcg meta #speculation #spar speaks #ask away! #my meta #I dont want to be TOO mean to fcg here bc while like. yes. theyre a lil terrible I do mean that with affection. the whole party is kind of. #you know. mildly to moderately amoral. I think the dichotomy is what is really throwing people here. which I enjoy! but you know. #be nice to the robit. #that said I do NOT think what fcg did is the same as what imogen does but I think thats a separate thought and im not necessarily /angry/ #at fcg for it because like. I dont think they fully processed what was wrong with it for *waves at above post*. still terrible though