#ive tried hard fellas but i need to go to bed

[ashwii]

Okay now that booping is sorta kinda outta the way for the day, it's Donnie's turn :DD continuing on with the idea of "S3 finale designs" -w-

S3 finale Leo!

#ive tried hard fellas but i need to go to bed #i got WOW WOW rn and apparently thats.. only the 2nd longest ;;; #LIKE HOOO BOY IM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THIS #but heres some arts for yall anyway aha #ashart #ashrender #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #art #tmnt

[whump-town]

Tuesdays Hotchner Style

Waiting out the bag of saline hanging over his head, Hotch lays back on the bed and just enjoys this one second that he has to himself. Being a father is great, he loves every second of Jack’s curiosity and his attention to detail. He loves his team, even if he’s not sure he does well in how he shows that. However, between Jack's pre-teen temper and the team’s never-ending list of needs he rarely gets a moment to just breathe. No one asking to use his office or when dinner will be done. It’s almost nice.

Had he set out this morning to get hit by a car during his morning jog? No, but maybe that’s what he gets for entertaining the idea of taking some time off. He’s got a few bumps and scrapes but already knows his knee is going to give him hell for landing on it like he did. Not even the ice pack the nurse taped over it is doing a thing to squish the pain. He still needs to have his shoulder pulled back into the socket and his concussion assessed. In other words, he’s taking that time off but not like he’d planned.

They did give him a cherry popsicle and the nurse showed him how to lean against his pillow to keep the ice pack pressed against his head without having to hold it up. This place is better than most motels he’s stayed in. If the nice nurse says he needs to wait twenty more minutes for the saline bag to empty and she’s promising another popsicle then she’s won. Seems like a good deal to him. He was a lawyer, he’d know.

“Hey, sweetie.”

He blinks himself back to Earth. Peeling his eyes open and grunting, not having realized he’d managed to doze off. The nurse, the same one as before, steps into the little curtained-off area with a smile. “Sorry,” he slurs softly, motioning with his popsicle hand to where he’d managed to let some of it drip onto the white sheets.

She just smiles at him, “ honey, that’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” She dismisses it with a wave and goes to her fluttering around him. The treatment he’s gotten used to since hobbling into here four hours ago. Replacing the ice pack at his knee she stops to frown at the purpling skin but it’s just bruised and swollen. Angry at its treatment. “How’s the arm?”

The concussion is probably worse than he’s led on if the current state of his consciousness is any proof. He’s just tired and this is like his version of a spa day. “Arm?” he asks, and he swallows thickly. Vaguely, he’s aware of his arms. The strange weight in his left hand where the IV is and the ice pack settled against his shoulder. It’s dislocated. It hurts.

“My arm,” he whispers, “I can… I can feel the fingers.”

She moves his hand, turning over his palm, and waiting for him to do as she silently asks and moves his fingers. He makes a fist, slowly closing each finger. She pats the back of his hand as she sits it back down, movements intact and coloration is alright. “I’m going to give you another sedative, some painkillers, alright? Then we’re going to get this shoulder back into the socket.”

Another? He… He can't remember the first.

“You’ve got some people asking for you out in the waiting room.”

He picks his head up, opening eyes he hadn’t realized had already slid shut again. “The team?” he mumbles.

She takes his popsicle out of his hand, it’s no good half-melted, and he’s falling asleep. “I don’t know about any team, darlin’, but there’s a whole crew.” She dispenses the drugs like promised and steps back. “Lemme think,” she’d seen them when she was stepping into the room. They’d asked for him but she can’t let all of them back here and she’d at least like to run the idea of them by Hotch first. “I used to smoke a lot of Virginia Slims in my day, there’s a fella out there that looks exactly like one. There’s two feisty brunettes. One about my age and the other looks like she eats bolts in her cornflakes.” She sighs, there’s more she’s certain. “There is a man out there who looks like he could have been sculpted by angels.”

He smiles at that, dopey and free. “Morgan,” he whispers, he knows it with a strong certainty. Who else could it be?

“Anyways,” she has moved away from her point. He’s probably ready to have that shoulder moved. “I can go get one of them if you’d like,” she offers. “It’ll be a painful but quick procedure. Still, most people like having someone.”

Someone.

He almost wonders if Garcia’s out there. She’s the end of the world sort. Even if she didn’t want to be back here she’d come with her flurry of colors and glitter. Hold his hand and make sure he got that other popsicle but no, no he won’t ask that of her. Can’t.

“I can always let them decide,” the nurse offers. “If that’s alright with you?”

He’s too tired, too disoriented to make the words work so he nods. She pats his hand one more time before moving back out the curtain. He can hear them talking, transforms their mumbling and their stiff silence to none of them wanting to come back here. Doesn’t hear Morgan and Emily fighting, neither wanting to be the one left out there. Both wanting to set their eyes on Hotch, to really make sure he’s okay.

His knee hurts, the drugs and the adrenaline are fading in and out and he’s tired. He turns his head back into his ice pack, rests the cut on his cheek against the plastic still cool from the water. Panted, short breathes leave his mouth and he wants nothing more than to sink into the bed. To disappear.

The curtain parts but he doesn’t hear it.

Dave steps in where the nurse directs, standing by the edge of the bed while she moves things where she needs them. He gets stuck, unable to move for a moment while he just looks at Hotch. The tears drying at the corners of his eyes and labored breathing, his agitated state.

“Aaron,” the nurse moves his good hand. Waking him without hesitation but still smiling when his tired eyes move slowly to concentration. To focus on her. “I brought you a friend.”

They’re back to the same old song and dance. Dave goes to the little space at the side of the bed, standing beside machines and things not currently in use. There nonetheless. Aaron looks up at him, sleepy eyes slowly blinking clarity back. “Hit by a car,” Dave mumbles. “Only you.”

Hotch smirks, “was running.”

Dave shakes his head, “again, who in his right mind?”

A doctor steps in, the little area of curtain overrun by white coats and stethoscopes.

Hotch gets nervous and looks hopelessly up at Dave. He’s scared. “Easy,” Dave takes his good hand. Making a quick understanding of his having been put on this side. “It’s just a little upset joint,” Dave assures him. “You’ve been stabbed and shot and blown up, you’ll be okay.” Hotch doesn’t look convinced but Dave doesn’t let go, he’s right there. Not going anywhere. “You’ll be okay, Aaron. I’m right here.”

It’s all medical nonsense from there on. The doctor introduces herself and the nurse nods her head, giving them the okay. Hotch is as drugged as he can be, relaxed under their touch so long as Dave isn’t more than a step away. He holds onto Dave so tightly he couldn’t get away if he wanted to. Part of him does, he’s not sure he wants to watch this. Hotch cries out when they pull on his arm, a sound that drowns out into a whimper. The sickening thunk of the joint sliding back into place. He tries to sit up, screams, and cries out as they check to make sure it’s gone where it needs to be. Their fingers digging into his skin. He cries out for Dave, to make them st0p.

“Easy,” Dave whispers. “Easy, easy.”

The doctors and the nurses leave as soon as their job is done, giving them nods as they go.

Dave brushes his thumb across Hotch’s forehead, frowning down at the tears. “Hang in there,” he whispers. “Behave a little longer and I’ll get you a milkshake, alright?”

His eyes peel back open at that, “promise?”

Dave shakes his head, “you’re a child, Aaron Hotchner, but yes, I promise I’ll get you a milkshake.”

“Hey-” both look to the curtain and after a second Emily’s head pops through. “Do we all get a milkshake?”

Dave rolls his eyes, “yes. Yes, sure.” They’re going to be the death of him. “Milkshakes for everyone, why not?”

The hard part is over.

He doesn't get another popsicle.

“Hey, Morgan?” Dave sticks his head out of the curtain and motions Morgan in. “We’re gonna need your help in here.”

Hotch groans, entirely too disoriented to completely stop himself from whining. He doesn’t want help, he just wants to go get a milkshake and go home. To his couch and his blankets and to clothes that don’t smell like blood and sweat. But there’s no winning, if he’s leaving he needs help. “Up on three,” Morgan encourages. He stops for a moment, makes sure his grip is good before bracing himself. One arm around Hotch’s back and the other bracing his front. “Ready when you are.” It’s more falling than walking but Morgan directs his fall straight into the wheelchair. “Easy Hotch,” but his head is a blur and he’s vaguely aware of Morgan gently lifting his legs up into the footrests.

“Damn,” Emily mumbles when Morgan pulls back the curtain and Dave pushes Hotch through. “Look like a Tim Burton doll.” Hotch grunts back at her. She tries to find a small silver lining, “but good, considering. Your hair is still pretty neatly styled and the road rash on your cheek makes you look distinguished.”

Hotch frowns but can’t turn his head to look at Dave so he just mumbles, “don’t think Emily has deserved her milkshake.”

“Hey!”

“Children,” Rossi interrupts before either can get any further. “Everyone is getting a milkshake, calm down.” He sighs, watching them fall in line alongside Hotch. “What flavors are we thinking?” Milkshakes and car wrecks… sounds like a regular old Tuesday to him.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner #david rossi #derek morgan #emily prentiss

[moonknightly]

Could Feel You Surrounding Me : Santiago “Pope” Garcia x Reader

Word Count: 3.1k

Excerpt: “Thinking about the aftermath almost felt like giving yourself false hope. You didn’t want to think about the future until you knew for certain that Santi was in the clear.”

Warnings: Uhh mentions of injury, blood, cursing. That’s it I think? This one has a happy ending fellas!

The first emotion you experience is shock. It’s unfathomable, how someone you love and care for so deeply, with every inch of your being, could be at the forefront of a situation you thought only existed in dramatized TV shows — under harsh lights, covered in bandages that turn from white to red and only do so much to hide the cuts and the bruises that mark their skin. Attached to various tubes, drains, and IV lines. So many different wires.

The sight is near unbearable, and it doesn’t get any easier, no matter how many hours or even days pass by in a blur of fast-moving staff wearing stethoscopes and scrubs. And everytime you close your eyes, you tell yourself that once you open them again, you’ll finally be used to it. You tell yourself it’s not gonna hurt as bad this time, but it’s even harder than it was before.

And the sounds. God, the sounds. The unfamiliar, almost haunting beeps and buzzes that start to become a comfort because they serve as the only reminder that they’re still there. The excruciating and traumatic cries of a family’s hearts breaking from down the hall mixed with rare periods of somber silence. The rapid-fire exchange of incomprehensible medical terminology, so many different medications and diagnoses and explanations that you just can’t wrap your head around.

It starts with the shock, because while you knew that this reality existed outside of those damned TV shows, and while you were aware of the possibility of having to live it yourself, given his line of work, you never thought you would actually have to face seeing Santi lying in the ICU like this.

Because he promised. Each and every single time he went out on a mission, he promised you that he’d come home to you, safe and sound and in one piece. And Santiago never broke his promises. Not a damn one.

But it had been a freak accident, and he hadn’t even been on a mission, and that was probably what freaked you out the most. The new realization that it could happen at any given moment, at any given time in any given circumstance.

All of the sleepless nights spent in your empty bed, praying to any divine being that would listen, worrying over his safety and just wishing him home, and he’d managed to land himself in this position during a boy’s trip into the mountains for a little leisurely camping.

They’d been rock climbing, something they were all five well-trained in, but the rope had been settled against a rock with a rather sharp edge, and the constant pulling of his weight had cut straight through it. It was a fall that he was lucky to survive. The paramedics who arrived on scene hadn’t expected to find him alive, and definitely hadn’t expected him to come back once he needed to be resuscitated.

His neglect to check the ridge was something that seemed so out of character for both him and the other boys. No detail was ever overlooked. It was hard for you to believe that he hadn’t noticed how sharp the edge of the rock had been, but you also knew Santi — he never would have thought it would happen to him

There were several things the nurses told you that you didn’t quite understand, and honestly, you couldn’t find it in yourself to ask them to clarify, or put it into words that actually made sense. As ignorant as it was, you almost didn’t want to understand. You didn’t want to focus on all of his injuries and the no doubt long recovery ahead until he opened those big brown eyes of his that you so adored and kept them open.

Thinking about the aftermath almost felt like giving yourself false hope. You didn’t want to think about the future until you knew for certain that Santi was in the clear.

What you did understand was that he had several broken ribs, some injuries to his spinal cord, and a moderate traumatic brain injury amongst other things blunt force trauma to his abdomen and chest caused. He’d needed a blood transfusion down in the ER, and he was on so many different medications, you couldn’t keep up.

They’d sedated him after a mild seizure, keeping him in a medically induced coma for the first two days before waking him again. He hadn’t been able to stay awake for long though, and while your eyes had briefly met, you don’t think he really registered who you were or what was going on.

It was day four now, and he was breathing on his own. He was waking up unprompted more and more, usually to vomit, but would fall back asleep after only a minute or two. Sometimes he would glance towards you as if to make sure that someone was still with him, sometimes he would only blink at the ceiling. He’d move, but only if a nurse asked him to touch his nose or wiggle his toes, and he hadn’t said a word.

But neither had you. Each time he looked at you, you could only stare back, blinking away your tears until you were sure he was asleep again. Only then would you let yourself cry, and fuck, did you cry. You were sure you had cried more in the last four days than you ever had before.

Only one person was allowed in the room at a time, and the only time you left his side was to let one of the boys visit. Frankie usually sat with you in the cafeteria while the other three took their turns, trying to get you to eat something, but he’d convinced you to use the time that day to run home and get a shower in, and grab yourself some clothes and other things you’d need since it was apparent you wouldn’t be leaving. He knew no one other than Santiago could convince you to stay the night in your own home rather than in the recliner by his bedside.

Frankie also knew that as brave as Pope was, he’d want you next to him through it all. He’d be heartbroken if he woke up and you weren’t there.

You’d be just as torn up over it.

A nurse checked on him every hour, and it was this particular nurse’s last round before shift change. You liked her. Her name was Casey, and she was always so gentle with him. It was obvious that she actually cared about her patients, not just for them, and you appreciated it to no end, words failing every time you tried to properly thank her. You knew the comfort was something he needed, something you were still too scared to give him. You were afraid to touch him, so terrified that you’d hurt him or cause him even an ounce of discomfort. You hadn’t even touched his hand.

But, it was something you needed to get over. You both needed it.

You watched as she worked around him, checking to make sure everything was still in place, double checking it even after she was sure nothing had wiggled its way loose. She peeked over her shoulder towards you. “The doctors are bringing in an occupational therapist tomorrow.”

“For what?” you asked, shifting in your chair, eyes flickering between her and Santi.

“We’re hoping to keep him awake long enough to get him to write a few things down. See if communicating that way is a possibility. And if not that, maybe we can get him to point at a chart with different letters to spell things out.”

You shifted again. “Is he ready for that?”

“The doctors seem to think so. The longer he stays awake, the better we can gauge where he’s at cognitively.”

You stayed silent at that, your stomach flipping as another bout of fear moved through you.

Casey seemed to know exactly where your head was at though, and she stopped momentarily to reach back and set a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

“He’s expected to make a full recovery sweetheart. I’m not the type to believe in miracles and things like that, but given what he’s already pulled himself through, he’s one lucky man.”

You smiled gently, putting your hand over hers, but a frown quickly worked its way back onto your face. “I’m just scared he doesn’t recognize me. Every time he looks at me, it’s almost like he’s looking through me.”

“And does that make you love him any less?”

You were taken aback by her words, completely shocked. But you immediately shook your head, eyebrows furrowing. “Of course not.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because it’s not his fault.” Your answer was again immediate. “Because he just went through some shit and it’s not his fault at all. I vowed to love him for better or for worse, and that wasn’t a promise either of us took lightly.”

“Exactly,” she shrugged, pointing to him. “Because that’s still your husband. He’s still your Santiago. There’s just a few kinks to work out, and even if those kinks did become permanent, you’d still love him, right?.”

“Absolutely.”

“Then there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

You knew she was right. You knew that even if he didn’t recognize you at first, the doctors were near positive that he would eventually. And even if he didn’t, and he had to relearn you completely, it’d be worth it. Because at least he was still alive, still breathing. You still had him.

“Thank you.”

Casey smiled, smiling and squeezing your shoulder gently before turning her attention back to Santiago.

Once she was finished, she turned towards you again, tilting her head to the side. “You know, he could really use a bath. And I think he’d appreciate it if you were the one to do it instead of me.”

The smirk on her face was entirely noticeable, and you knew exactly what she was doing, but you still nodded your head, suddenly craving the physical contact, that connection.

“Great,” she hummed, leaving the room to grab the supplies you would need in order to give him a sponge bath.

She returned a moment letter with a cloth, some soap and deodorant, and a basin of water, instructing you to stay clear of any bandages, and to not worry about his hair. If he woke up, you could try to wash his back, but otherwise she didn’t want you to worry about that either. You nodded your head, listening intently even though it was all pretty straightforward. She turned off the bed alarm, showing you which button to press once you got up again, and left the room.

Once Casey was gone, you took a moment to just stare at him, even though you hadn’t truly looked at anything else in the last four days. He looked better than he had when you first saw him, really. He had some color back in his cheeks, and the lines on his forehead had smoothed out. He looked almost peaceful.

You sighed gently, giving yourself one final push before stepping forward, carefully peeling the blanket and the sheet away from his body.

Should you try to wake him? Or would it be better for you to just go for it? You decided on the latter, thinking it would be better if he woke up on his own accord. If he stayed asleep, then it was obvious his body needed it.

“Hey, sweet boy,” you whispered as you sat down on the edge of the bed, pushing a few sweat soaked curls away from his forehead. “I’d ask how you’re doing but that seems a little redundant right now.”

You chuckled to yourself, shaking your head as you reached for the cloth, wetting it and applying a little bit of soap. You started on his arms, staying away from his IV and the bandage near his elbow. Your touch was gentle, slow, but the feeling of his skin under your fingertips after not feeling it for days set both your body and soul ablaze, chest so full of love and something else that you couldn’t quite place. Relief, maybe? You didn’t know.

“The boys have been in and out,” you continued, even though he couldn’t hear you. You just wanted to talk to him. “Frankie told me you woke up for a second the last time he was in here. He cried a little bit, but he’s never gonna admit it.”

You hesitated, moving to untie the hospital gown as much as you could, pulling it down just enough to reveal his chest, being extremely careful not to accidentally disconnect a wire for the heart monitor. You started on his upper arms.

“The boys feel like shit. They all think there was something they could’ve done to prevent it, even though everyone knows it was just a stupid accident. Benny’s taking it really hard.”

You brought your free hand to his lower stomach, your fingertips tracing random shapes and patterns into his skin as you moved the cloth over his right shoulder, your eyes glued to your movements.

“I miss you so much,” you sighed, shaking your head slowly. “I mean, I know you’re right fucking here, but you know what I mean. I miss your hugs, your kisses. Your voice. Those beautiful, beautiful eyes of yours.”

The tears started before you even had a chance to realize. You could feel them trailing down your cheeks, falling onto the sheets below.

“I just really need you to be okay, you hear me baby? I need you.”

Your voice cracked, and you felt yourself begin to shake, the sobs moving through your body with relentless force. You made yourself stay quiet though, not wanting to scare a nurse or a family down the hall, or even Santi himself.

Nothing had ever been so hard. This entire experience had been more than difficult, but as you sat there, thinking about how things could have gone in an entirely different direction, and how you could have walked away a widow instead of a wife, you realized exactly how true Casey’s words had been. Santi really was lucky, and so were you.

And if this was hard for you, you couldn’t even begin to imagine how hard it would be for him once he was fully conscious again, and able to make sense of everything that he’d been through. The doctors were still unsure of just how far his brain injury ran, but they were sure there were things that would take time to come back to him — like his ability to speak, possibly his ability to walk. They predicted that he’d have migraines for months. Light sensitivity, some dizziness and confusion that could last just as long. Fatigue, general weakness. Pain. His recovery was going to be hell, and there you were, having sat by his bedside for four days feeling sorry for yourself.

How could you have been so selfish? In a time where your husband needed you most?

You felt selfish even crying, but you couldn’t stop. The tears just kept pouring, and the hole in your chest grew and grew as you continued to spiral deeper and deeper into your thoughts.

You were only pulled from them when you felt a set of knuckles gently brush against your cheek, and for a moment, you thought one of the boys had managed to sneak their way in, or maybe it was even Casey coming to check in one last time before heading home for the night.

The last thing you expected to see when you blinked your eyes open was a familiar pair of warm brown ones staring right back at you.

Brown eyes full of recognition and worry.

You gasped, not able to stop the sound before it left your lips, but you did refrain from throwing your arms around him, knowing the action would probably hurt him or knock something loose. Instead, you reached up, taking his hand and intertwining your fingers with his.  

“Santi?”

He blinked a couple of times, looking as if he wanted to say something in response, but he could only frown, and you knew him well enough to notice that his inability to speak was already frustrating him.

But you almost took that as a good thing, because it showed that he remembered waking up before, and how he hadn’t been able to speak any of those times either. The fact that he remembered was good, right?

And he might not have been able to verbally speak, but there were still so many things he could say without words. You felt him squeeze your hand, three times — a silent “I love you”, something he had started doing not long after saying it to you for the first time.

“I love you too, baby. I love you so much.”

He pulled on your hand, trying to bring you closer to him, and you started to shake your head, still worried about hurting him.

“Santi, no-”

This time he gently smacked your hand, effectively silencing you as he pointed to his shoulder, and you knew what he was trying to tell you — you wouldn’t hurt him if you were only lying against his shoulder.

He knew exactly what you were thinking without you needing to speak, too.

And you couldn’t deny him, not when he was looking at you with those puppy dog eyes he knew would get him anything he wanted.

You tossed the washcloth back into the water, and pulled his gown back up, redoing the ties before scooting further up the bed. You made sure that everything was out of the way before leaning back against him, keeping your eyes trained on his face the entire time. Only when he didn’t flinch did you finally relax.

And you both simply laid there, staring at one another, letting your eyes do all of the talking. Neither of you looked away, not even once. Not until Santi’s eyes started to close again, his exhaustion taking over once more. You kissed the corner of his mouth, and you watched as his lips twitched upwards into a small smile before he gave into unconsciousness.

He’d managed to stay awake for over half an hour this go around, and for twenty minutes the next time he woke up, and another twenty after that.

And when morning came and Casey walked into the room for the first round of her shift, all she could do was smile.

Santiago was awake again, and you were the one asleep, lightly snoring from your place on his shoulder, looking so completely at peace.

And he was looking at you like he was the luckiest man alive.

#santiago pope garcia #santiago pope garcia x reader #triple frontier #triple frontier x reader #triple frontier imagine

[thecringefailintherye]

Oliver! (1968) Live (re) watch!

i have already seen oliver!, but not in ages, so i decided to watch it again, enjoy

very long post warning

fuckin hell these opening credits are LONG

i love the fact instrumentals of songs in the movie are playing

i have chocolate popcorn, apple lucozade and oliver! on, life is good

yes i know mark lester is oliver ive seen this like 20 times can i watch the film now

OH ABOUT FUCKING TIME

god is love

IS IT WORTH THE WAITING FOR IF WE LIVE TILL 84 ALL WE EVER GET IS GRUELL

i forgot how much of a banger food glorious food is

LOOK AT BABY MARK LESTER 🥺🥺🥺

ads in middle of movie be like

its harry secombe!

AMENNNN

oliver gets bullied the movie

look at this poor kid

MOREE????????

oh yes oliver i love this song

O L I V E R

poor kid

without any bannister yikes

the one who named him........O-L-IV-ERRR

oh were outside now

olivers just been kicked out oh shit

but on the plus side he has a cute ass hat on

BOY FOR SAY AL

look at oliver 🥺 he deserves better

SOWERBERRY MORE LIKE SHITTERBERRY

theres a severe lack of thats your funeral and i shall scream

noah claypole more like noah clayprick

“perhaps... if i had a tall hat?” BABEY

HES GOT HIS TALL HAT ON YES OLIVER

oliver said dab on them haters from your old gaff youre a funeral advisor now and theyre still homeless

DONT INSULT HIS MUM FUCK YOU NOAH

YES OLIVER KILL HIM

yes stuff the nine year old in a coffin and sit on it well done

"OLIVAH ??" "Yes im here: ((("

ITS MEAT!

oliver deserves better man 

im gonna cry and were like 25 minutes in.

ik its not mark singing but whoever it is CAN SING WTF

i want to give him a hug

OH SHIT HES RUNNING AWAY

hes in the lettuce

LONDON YOU MADE IT !

yes oliver trains exist

DODGER!!!

whach you starin at aint ya ever seen a toff

the beak

look at lil jack wild

me more hintimate friends

cockney accent™️

the artful dodga

CONSIDERR YOURSSELF AT HOEME COSNIDER YOURSWLF OEN OF THE FAMILY !!!!!!!!!!

im sorry i love this song

look this scene is awesome, but it would be COMPLETE with charley oh wait he was demoted to extra and everything interesting abt him was given to dodger

he should have gotten the nobody tries to be ladeeda or uppity bit I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

this cast is BIG

okay i am a Charger Enthusiast but do we all agree there is something oddly homosexual about oliver and dodger in this song

note how dodger is scared of the police FORESHADOWING

ive taken to this SO STRONGITSCLEARWEREGOINGTOGETALONG

how many extras is this ???? yall better be gettin paid

its dodga comin up

this set is sraight out of the book i love it

CHARLEY MATE IM SORRY THEY MADE YOU AN EXTRA 

“oh not again” does dodger just always show up with random workhouse kids 

ah yes fagin the character whos still a negative jewish stereotype

more and more big cast

THESE SAUSAGES ARE MOULDY! (am i going to freak out whenever charley does anything because i love him? yes)

stfu drink your gin

is this a laundry?? no fam 

THE BEST FUCKING SONG IN THIS MUSICAL

IN THIS LIFE ONE THING COUNTS

sorry if i dont add to this until pick a pocket or two is done bc its a straight banger

this song is EVERYTHING 

hard at work lol ok

did he make those himself??? no

couple a wipes

EMBROIDERED THEM??? no

petition for all oliver twist adaptations to refer to charley as master bates like the book and for him to have actual lines and not have his actor switched at least three times

i dont even now who charley is at this point because his actor is switched many a time im just gonna say purple blazer kid is charley

anyway charley bates supremacy

whos bill sikes??? NO

fuck bill all my homies hate bill

rum tum tum is a banger

go bed now

take your hat off in bed dodger

movie fagin has rights

fagin leaving where will he go

BET IS THAT YOU

FUCK OFF BILL NO ONE LIKES YOU 

NANCY NANCY HES HERE !!!!!! bet deserves everything and more ily 💖

NANCYYYY!!!!!!

its a fine life more like its a banger

wheres all of bets lines gone

bet 🤝 charley (being demoted to extras)

its not funny anyore bet.. bet girl please sing youre the best fucking thing about this song

such a happy song about domestic abuse

THERE SHE IS THATS MY GIRL BET I FUCKING LOVE YOU

bullsye rights!

i hate how this movie made fagin more symathetic but he’s still a “greedy jew” stereotype

oliver?????

at this moment fagin knew he fucked up

nancy you deserve better than bill

oh hi dodger forgot you existed

and the rest of you except oliver

ah yes charley “sausages” bates i missed you

THESE FUCKING KIDS THEY ALL LOVE BET AND NANCY MY HEART

im a regular gent i am. no dodger you arent

why is “permit me to assist you across the road” so fucking funny

pov dodgers back on his bullshit so you have to pretend to be a horse and cart for him

not “sir artful” 😭😭😭

anyfink for youu

WHAT FISTICUFFS???!!!

i feel sorry for the child extras man theyve prob had to film this scene like ten times

THESE KIDS CAN SING

 the boys dancing with eachother is too fucking wholesome i love this

again, movie fagin rights

weed riissk lifee and limmbb

you promised we could go see the angin!!!!!

ats on boys time were off

THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG

HOW COULD WE LET HOW COULD WE FORGET OUR DEAR OLD FAGIN WORRY!!

mate that aint single file did you not hear him

am i the only one who can hear london bridge is falling down in the back??

our pockets hold a watch of gold that chimes upon the hour!!! a wallet fat an old mans hat!!! the jewels from the tower!!!

WE KNOW THE NOSEY POLICEMEENNNN

dodger and charley (i am SURE charley is purple blazer kid even if havent seen this film in ages) are GETTING INTO THIS

oliver 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

movie fagin rights pt 27238227

DODGER OLIVER COME ON!!!!!!!!! alright dude chill

ARE YALL SEEING THIS SHIT, I WAS RIGHT, I TOLD YOU THAT THE LAD IN THE PURPLE BLAZER WHO SINGS “a wallet fat an old mans hat” WAS CHARLEY BATES AND GUESS WHAT HE FUCKING IS. I WAS RIGHT, PURPLE BLAZER KID IS CHARLEY YOU CAN LEAVE NOW

no dont were only an hour in

three kids on the back of the omnibus what will they do

dodger and charley said be gay do crimes

ah shit now look what youve gotten us into dodger

IT WASNT EVEN OLIVER IT WAS CHARLEY AND DODGER GO AFTER THEM

are dodger and charley straight up framing oliver for a crime they commited while also helping him escape

yes they are why are we surprised 

i hate to break it to you dodger but hiding oliver in a meat sack doesnt work

OLIVERS ON THE ROOF????

charley and dodger got oliver into this mess and they are not going to get him out

WHY DIDNT YOU LOOK AFTER HIM????? right calm down fagin

how could i help it :((((

no bill!

stan nancy

“two other boys stole it” no shit

BROWNLOW !

run bitch run

right intermission time now

AND WE’RE BACK!

entr acte

who will buyyy

strawberry girl is carrying this

oliver owns my heart pt 278983728938728

this is a banger wtf

okay its done now right

right?????

UHH BILL???? DODGER???? BITCH WHY TF ARE YOU HERE

have bill fagin nancy and the boys been stalking oliver???

NO SHE WONT FAGIN!

shit.

fuck bill

this scene is far more sadder when you think of how the boys have just seen the only woman they see as a mother figure been hit to the flo or, im not crying, you are

as long as he needs me :(

FUCK YOU BILL

rose maylie is that you?!

look at lil oliver!!

BILL FUCK OFF

i hate bill

“look at his togs! he’s got books too!” charley and dodger are my emotional support kids

anyway have i mentioned i hate bill, bc i hate bill.

I REALLY REALLY HATE BILL

even fagin aka the guy whos keeping these kids as pickpockets has more morals than bill

WE STAY CALM!!

no bill i havent heard a dying chicken

act one was just childish antics now we have THIS

fuck bill

YOURE TELLING ME THE BOYS WATCHED THAT????

jack wild is a banging actor. he genuinely looks terrified 🥺 

this film.. 

a mans got a heart hasnt he?? yes you do!!!

a full song dedicated to movie fagin rights?? did i ghostwrite this?? probably

banger

ithinkidbetterthinkitoutagain!

villains theives and nine year olds

MR BUMBLE?????!!!!!!!!!!

fuck bill pt72898376728909878199

bill youre traumatising him

cmon nance do something!!

also completely forgot abt this but uh does monks exist in this i forgot bc we have had no mentions of him yet

nancy tell him who bill is!!!

bullseye deserves better

uhm what is going on

bill sikes more like bill yikes

oliver what are you doing

BILL TERRIFIES ME

FUCK

omg oom pah pah????

leave oliver alone bill hes like nine

oh banger

OOM PAH PAH THATS HOW IT GOES!!!!!!!!!

just asking are nancy and bet lesbians bc they look it

COULD IT BE OOM PAH PAHHHHHH

god i love this song

IT SHOOOOOWSSSSSS

its the same oom pah pah

“She was from the country but now shes up a gumtree she let a fella feed her then lead her a long” foreshadowiinnggg

OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH!

nancy is so fucking smart

getting the whole pub singing and dancing to smuggle out oliver? clever

fuck

bill.. no.. bill.. bill????

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKC

BILL GET OFF HER

NANCY NO

HE STRAIGHT UP COMMIT MURDER AGAINST THE NICEST CHARACTER

BROWNLOW DO YOU NOT HEAR NOTHING

nancy deserved a better death than to be killed by bill fuck bill

EVEN BULLSEYE HATES YOU BILL

ARE THEY ACCUSING BULLSEYE OF MURDER

FUCK YOU BILL

movie fagin rights + fuck bill combo?

youre telling me fagin had an ESCAPE ROUTE??? AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HOUSE THING??? THE WHOLE TIME???

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD

BILL

fuck, well. #

“WHAT DO I DO!?” “LIVE UP TO YOUR NAME, DODGE ABOUT”

ten quid says dodgers been caught

oh no all fagins shit is gone

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD PT 2

FUCK YOU BILL

GOD I HATE HIM

OLIVER MATE ARE YOU OK

never have i been so happy to see a character die

rest in shit bill

hi dodger thought you got caught n went to australia 

god, this film is so fucking good.

reviewing the situation 2.0 goes hard

MOVIE. FAGIN. RIGHTS!

FAGIN YOU CAN BE A GOOD MAN YOU KNOW YOU CAN

DODGER??????????

IM TOTALLY NOT CRYING RN

FAGIN NO DONT TAKE IT

FUCKING PLOTTWIST

IT MADE IT LOOK LIKE FAGIN WAS GONNA GIVE THE WALLET BACK TO DODGER BUT NO

once the villain you’re the villain to the end

i completely forgot abt this scene since i’ve been reading the oliver twist book and in that dodger gets arrested and fagin gets hanged but here they get away?

god this is bittersweet

I THINK WE’D OUGHT TO THINK IT OUT AGAIN!!!!!

thats where the film should have ended, i get olivers the main character but it ending on dodger and fagin walking out into the sunset is such a pleasing ending man

oliver gets his happy ending abt time

YES CONSIDER YOURSELF AND BE BACK SOON (THE BIGGEST BANGERS IN THE FILM) CREDITS SONGS!!

well.. that was a journey and half

#oliver! #oliver twist #oliver #oliver! 1968 #oliver 1968 #charlie’s comfort movies #oliver twist 1968 #oliver! the musical #oliver the musical #musicals #1960s #1960s movies #60s #mark lester #jack wild #oliver reed #ron moody #shani wallis #and everyone else in the huge ass cast

[daoimean]

Pink in the Night IV | Winter Solstice: Part III

Chapter III | Ao3 Link

Summary:

Fellas, is it gay to be madly in love with your gal pal? As war rages and internal demons fester, Glimmer struggles to come to terms with her feelings.

Pairings: Glimmadora (Glimmer/Adora)

Warnings: Panic attacks, discussions of grief

Word Count: 4,941

Well, that's enough for tonight. 

  Glimmer's only vaguely aware of herself as she half-stumbles, bewilderedly, back into the crowd. She takes the arm of the nearest sober person she recognises— Perfuma, she thinks— and stammers out some lame excuse, about being tired or not feeling well or something, teleporting away before the other has a chance to say anything.  

  Her room is far enough from the ballroom that the noise of the party has faded down to a distant background buzz. She can hear, think, breathe again, like a drowning girl finally coming up for air. But her thoughts are caught in a whirlwind, billowed in a flurry like the blizzard she can see picking up outside her window. 

  Adora just kissed her— she just kissed Adora. 

There's no way she can go back to that party now. That much she's certain of. 

  She's either shivering or shaking as her unsteady hands fumble to remove her headpiece and garments (which are only slightly easier to take off by herself than they were to put on), letting them drop unceremoniously to the floor. She messes up the buttons of her pyjama shirt once, twice, three times, cursing herself under her breath with mounting frustration. All she wants is to go to bed. Maybe after a good night's sleep it'll be like this never happened, things can go back to how they were. 

  (She knows, all too well, that isn't how it works— that things haven't been how they were, how she likes them, in a long time.)

  Frantic eyes flit around the room, trying to find something to focus on, ground herself. Glimmer didn't used to be prone to panic attacks; she's sure she's had more in the past two months than her entire life before then. She tries to remember how her mom had successfully talked her down the one time she started unraveling in front of her. Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale…

  She catches sight of Kowl on the window seat, the stuffed koala-owl toy she's had since she was a baby. One of the few remnants of her childhood she could never bring herself to get rid of, not even when she reached her teenage years and all she wanted was to grow up. She doesn’t know why that’s what brings the tears to her eyes. 

  Inhale, exhale…

  She's okay. She's okay. 

  No, she's not okay. 

  But she will be, she might be, if she can just— 

  Her hand comes up to wipe her eye, but her fingers hover briefly over her lips, where phantom traces of Adora's kiss still linger. 

  She knows, or at least she's been told countless times by countless people, that time is supposed to heal. One day (though no one dares use wording this crass), she'll get over her mom. One day, she'll get over Adora. One day, she'll grow up. 

  Her eyes fall on Kowl again. Then she picks it up and throws it across the room, as hard as she can manage. It doesn't go very far, and she doesn't feel any better. She watches, chest heaving, as it misses the wall, landing on the floor a few metres before it— and she stares and stares at that wall until her vision blurs, her legs give way under her, and she clamps her shaking hand over her mouth as calculated breaths roll out as choked, pathetic whimpers. 

  Inhale, inhale, inhale— 

  A knock.

  The sound pulls her back to the surface, but the voice that follows wrenches a gasp that tears out what little air she could draw into her lungs. 

  "Glimmer? Are you okay?"

  ...Yeah, no, she needs more air. 

  She teleports without much regard for where she's going, emerging from the light midair and landing on her butt on the snow-covered concrete of some unmanned parapet. 

  It's cold . That’s the first thing she realises when she comes to her senses. The fresh layer of snow beneath her numbs her bare hands, her cosy pyjamas not nearly cosy enough to withstand the icy wind that howls in her ears, tousles her hair. She didn't even have the sense to put shoes or slippers on over her socks. Smart thinking, Glimmer. Truly the pragmatic mind of a Queen-to-be. 

  Yet, it's only up here that she manages to steady her breathing. She grasps the wall, dragging herself to her feet. She's shivering, but she's okay. She thinks. 

  When the urge to cry rises, she doesn't try to stop it this time, the turmoil she releases with every sob carried away with the blustering wind. She doesn't even know what she's crying about anymore. She's crying about nothing, she's crying about everything, she's numb and she's hurting and she's alone and she's cold , so very very cold. She's lost track of time altogether by the time the snow crunches behind her.

  Adrenaline surging through her frozen limbs, she pulls her head from her arms, snapping round to be greeted with a looming figure, a mass of billowing golden hair. 

  Adora.

  (Well, kind of.)

  "Did you really transform into She-Ra just to get up here faster?" Glimmer asks her, having to raise her voice as the storm flares up around them like a freezing inferno. Her teeth are chattering. She can barely move. As the adrenaline leaves her, she's left too cold to think. She can barely even see. 

  "I wasn't sufficiently dressed," Adora bellows back, unaffected as a huge gust lifts her cape and hair, the assault of snow melting on her upon contact, "and neither are you , Glimmer! Come here, you must be freezing ."

  All other thoughts are subdued by just how much she needs to be warm right now. She summons whatever strength she has left to stumble into Adora's extended arms, enveloped in her warmth. She-Ra's warmth. 

  (She prefers Adora.)

  Once she's able to, she teleports them both back inside. Adora, releasing her She-Ra form and closing the window she must have climbed out of, leads Glimmer to sit down on the cushioned window seat, finding a blanket and pulling it around her shoulders. Glimmer's already sufficiently warmed up, but she snuggles up anyway, watching Adora with a newfound calm that warms her insides too.

  "You seem pretty lucid," Adora says, pressing two fingers to Glimmer's wrist to check her pulse,"and your pulse rate is normal. You probably weren't out there long enough for hypothermia to set in, thankfully. Seriously, Glimmer, what were you thinking , going out in that in your pyjamas? If you needed space you could have just told me to go away."

  Glimmer finds herself smiling, in spite of herself. She knows Adora's nagging comes from a place of caring; she almost wants to tell her she sounds like her mom. "I don't think I was thinking." 

  " Clearly ." Adora rolls her eyes, lightly papping her cheek; her mouth is twitching up, like she's trying not to smile herself. "If I go and get you a hot drink, can you promise me you're not gonna go take a swim in the lake or something while I'm gone?" 

  Glimmer playfully rolls her eyes. "I'll try my best." Adora glowers at her, and she bites back a laugh and relents. "Fine, I promise! I'll be right here, okay?" 

.

As Adora slips out, Glimmer notices the plate of party food on the side table, a whole a whole assortment of her favourites. The gift hidden in her desk drawer suddenly feels even lamer in comparison, and something she thinks might be guilt curls in her belly. She really hopes Adora comes back soon. 

  And she does, cradling a cup of chamomile tea. Glimmer accepts it gratefully, motioning over her now half-empty plate as Adora hovers awkwardly before her. "Do you wanna share?" It's a coded invitation to stay, hopefully not laced with the desperation she feels. 

  "I don't think I could eat another bite," says Adora, shrugging off her scabbard and setting the sword aside (that Glimmer cannot believe she brought to a party, but then it's Adora so she guesses she can) before sitting down next to her, though her posture remains stiff, like she's still preparing to leave, like she doesn't know if she should be here at all, "and Bow mentioned you hadn't had dinner after Perfuma told us you said you weren't feeling well, so I thought I'd…" She looks at her hands. "Sorry, I know you um, probably wanted space, I was just going to give it to you and leave, if you wanted me to, but then you were gone and—" 

  "It's lucky you knew where I went," Glimmer interjects. She reaches out, hesitates, then settles her hand on Adora's shoulder. "Look, it's okay , Adora. I probably would have froze otherwise."

  "I'm still sorry." 

  "Don't be." 

  She has a feeling it's not just that she's apologising for. 

  A silence falls over them. Glimmer retracts her hand as Adora shifts around, settling properly across from her. 

  As someone who's had trouble making friends until recently, it's only with Adora that Glimmer came to accept and even enjoy amicable silences. Silences that don’t make her anxious, that she doesn't feel the need to fill for fear of being awkward or boring, where two people can just bask quietly in the pleasure of each other’s company.

  This isn't one of those silences, though. It's heavy, almost crushing, weighed down with things left unsaid; the elephant in the room may as well be sitting on her chest. 

  "It never snowed in the Fright Zone," Adora says after a while. "The smog always got worse during the winter, though. Sometimes you can’t even go out for more than a few seconds without a vog mask." 

  "That...wow." It's far from the worst thing Glimmer's heard about the Fright Zone, but it's still kind of unfathomable. Having grown up in a queendom proudly devoid of pollution, she can't imagine not even being able to safely breathe the air around her. She’s glad Adora got out of there. "It snows every year here. Always around the same time, which is why we centre the Solstice season around it. It's...honestly kind of annoying." 

  "I think it's beautiful." 

  As Adora says this, Glimmer follows her gaze to the blizzard outside, which is ebbing down to a more steady snowfall. She watches the flakes dance in the wind like stardust, settling over the landscape in layer upon fluffy layer of pure white that almost seems to glitter in the moonlight. It's the exact same thing she's seen countless times, but it's like her perspective has shifted through the mesmerised earnesty of Adora's words. Like she's seeing it through her eyes. 

  Then, she looks at Adora, at her profile betraying an almost childlike fascination, the silvery lunar glow softening and highlighting her features in all the best ways. 

  She can still faintly hear the party they're both supposed to be attending, but the more she watches Adora and the snow the less anything else seems to matter. No past, no future, just her, Adora, and a sleeping world enshrouded in white. 

  "Yeah," she murmurs, "I guess it is." 

  Soon enough, the world will reawaken. The snow will freeze over and melt, where it's not already been cleared from roads and walkways or trampled by the shoes of leaving partygoers. It'll dissipate to grey-brown mush then, soon enough, nothing at all. 

  She it’s necessary, that the world has to keep on turning no matter what it tarnishes, but to Glimmer's selfish side, it all seems so unfair. Why does everything have to be so fleeting?

  "You know," she adds, "I bet Frosta wouldn't mind us crashing at hers, if you really like the snow— like, obviously once all of the, um, Horde stuff has blown over. We could go skiing." 

  "Yeah." Adora smiles a little, and it occurs to Glimmer she probably doesn't actually know what skiing is. "That would be nice." 

  She wants to show Adora all her favourite places, showcase the best of Etheria to the girl who’s thrown herself into saving a world she barely knows outside of the dismal corner of it she was raised in, and she wants to experience them all over again with her by her side. Skiing in the Kingdom of Snows; swimming by the Crystal Falls; a picnic in Serenia; tea at that cute cafe in Glenmar, run by a rumoured ex-Hordesman who's managed to embrace a peaceful family life. The fantasies flicker through her mind like a flip book, all vague and innocent and kind of dumb, in a future too optimistically idyllic to even bear thinking about.

  (It ends with a flashback to her conversation with Casta. How she and the girl she loved were going to go to Silaneas. Who was she? Does Casta even remember her name?) 

  "I hate this uncertainty," Adora says, so quietly it's hard to tell if she's talking to Glimmer or just thinking out loud, "not knowing what's going to happen." 

  "Mmm." Glimmer hums. "I really wish we had something to go on. I don't think even Shadow Weaver knows what's going on unless she's giving us the runaround."

  Adora sighs. "Yeah, no, she doesn't have a reason to lie, she wants to bring down the Horde as much as we do. She's not as hard to read as everyone thinks, Glimmer.” She turns to her with a little smirk, trying to bring a little light back into the conversation. “You just have to weigh out how much the situation benefits her ." 

  "Yeah, it’s...weird, she's actually been... really helpful? I know more about my magic than ever thanks to her." She grimaces, almost physically pained by having to talk positively about Shadow Weaver. "It kind of sucks, actually, I have been itching for round two." She straightens herself, palming her fist (a precarious thing to do while she's still holding her tea), and feels her heart do the happiest of little flips as Adora unexpectedly snorts with laughter. She'd missed Adora's laugh. She'd missed being the one to make her laugh. "What? I could take her!"

  "I've know you can take her, dumbface. I still wish I'd been conscious to witness it." Glimmer can see her eyeing the party snacks and pushes the plate over. Adora picks up a mooncake and takes a huge bite, continuing to talk through the mouthful. They're presumably not taught about that kind of etiquette in the Horde, but Glimmer's honestly the last person to care. It's just another one of Adora's weirdly cute little quirks that might only be cute because it's Adora. "Sorry, it was calling to me, I couldn't resist— oh, these are so good. "

  "My face isn't as dumb as her sweater," Glimmer grumbles. It's really hard to keep playing grumpy while she watches Adora's typically theatrical reaction to good food. Even after months of living here, Adora's still so enthralled by some of the little things, and even after months of witnessing these reactions, even when she herself takes most of these things for granted, the joy always seem to rub off on Glimmer. 

  (She could never take Adora for granted.) 

  "Oh, that reminds me—" As Adora reaches into the inner pocket of her suit jacket (Glimmer is definitely not going to take the sight of Adora in a suit for granted), Glimmer can only wonder what could possibly be in there that reminisces with Shadow Weaver's stupid sweater. 

  What she produces, finally, is a little box.

  A very familiar little box, right down to the now slightly smooshed... bow on top. 

  Hmmm .

  "Adora." Glimmer quirks an eyebrow in feigned ignorance. "That's gotta be a really small sweater." 

  "Yeah, no, you sharing your food, then the talk of ugly festive sweaters, just got me thinking about festivities in general, goodwill and all of that— and that made me remember... this, um—" She holds out the box, looking away bashfully. "Weird train of thought, you know? Sorry, I, uh, haven't really— done this before…" 

  Usually, people don’t exchange gifts until morning, but there's no use pointing that out. "Uh, hang on, we should probably do this at the same time," says Glimmer. She sets the tea she's been steadily sipping safely aside as she gets up, leaving her blanket discarded on the seat while she retrieves Adora's gift from her desk drawer; realisation crosses Adora's features as soon as she sees the box, fashioned with an identical bow. 

  "Did..." 

  "Yup," Glimmer confirms, "he insisted on it. Right down to the wrapping." 

  They exchange gifts, along with playful eye rolls directed towards Bow and his meddling, and their own inabilities to settle on gifts for each other without it. Glimmer can only watch from the corner of her eye while Adora opens her, feeling a familiar heat rising up her cheeks. She doesn't know why this is making her so nervous— Adora already pretty much knows what it is. 

  It's a bracelet. A simple gold chain, fashioned with a ruby charm Bow showed her how to painstakingly whittle down into a faceted star. 

  ("Why a star?" he'd asked her, and she'd made some dumb (and in hindsight maybe kind of insensitive) 'out of this world' joke because she was too embarrassed to explain the actual reason.) 

  "Oh, Glimmer." She holds it up to the light, watching how it reflects off the deep red of the jewel. "It's so pretty." 

  Adora's gift to Glimmer is, as she suspected, almost identical. Silver chain, and the charm is a moonstone whittled into a crescent moon, which she supposes makes more immediate sense. On one hand, she's grateful, to both Bow and Adora, she'll treasure this, she already knows that for certain, but on the other— 

  Did Bow really have them make each other friendship bracelets? Adora obviously has the same thought, Glimmer sees it when she accidentally meets her eye as she opens her mouth to thank her— and they both fall into a fit of giggles.  

  It's not that funny, it might not even be funny at all, but there are tears of laughter in the corners of Glimmer's eyes by the time she looks up again. Her cheeks already hurt from smiling more than she has in a long time. 

  She’s a little surprised Adora seems to know what a friendship bracelet is. Maybe it's one of those things that's universal with kids everywhere, like playing tag or drawing that weird S thing all over their school books. There's one likely person Adora would have exchanged them with, though, and...no, she's not entertaining that thought.

  (Bow was actually the one to introduce the concept of friendship bracelets to her, back when they were two dumb kids with stars in their eyes and Glimmer's mom was still there to handle all the important stuff, the high stakes stuff. They wove each other's bracelets from string, and wore them until they began to fray and unravel and they both came to the unspoken agreement to give them up. She supposes when it comes to these bracelets made of silver and gold, the chains or the clasps might just snap eventually. She supposes it kind of does reflect how friendships work, or at least how they end.) 

  "Can you help me put this on?" Adora asks, fumbling with the clasp. "It's really— oh, thank you." 

  Adora helps her fasten hers too, and they both hold their wrists up to each other's for comparison. Glimmer starts giggling again, until she realises Adora isn't. 

  "Hey." Glimmer reaches over to poke her nose, which seems to rouse her attention. "What's up?" 

  Adora pokes hers back, and grins far too wearily to be reassuring as Glimmer does the inevitable nose crinkle. "Sorry, I'm just…happy."

  "Happy?" She's something , but Glimmer isn't sure if happy is the word. Nostalgic, maybe. For the nights in Glimmer's room where the world was still and the moons were their company, where they could talk about anything and everything without the tension, without the damn elephant. 

  (Fearful, terrified, that the comforting familiarity they've found in each other is crumbling, giving way to an uncertain future.)

  "Festive spirit." Adora shrugs, and they're both momentarily distracted as, as if on cue, a distant cheer can be faintly heard erupting from the ballroom, the music rising in volume to the point that Glimmer can tell what song it is. It must be time for the dance. 

  "You can go back if you want." Don't go. Not now. Not yet. Not like this. "I'm okay now. I'll be okay."

  "I'd rather be here. If you want me to." Adora's hand finds Glimmer's, hesitating over it, her smile wavering; Glimmer can see right through the cracks forming across her composure, and it pulls at what she keeps trying to bury with a panic that tightens her throat. Not now, not yet. "I've...really missed you, Glimmer." 

  "I've missed you too." Glimmer's fingers slide through Adora's, like the resurgence of an old instinct. Her gaze drifts to the window. The snowfall has slowed, enough that she can follow an individual snowflake until flutters out of view. "I'm...sorry I've been so absent lately, I've just been really...in my own head, I guess. It's...hard to explain." 

  "It's fine." Adora sighs. "I can't really blame you after...everything."

  Glimmer's eyes widen. Her heart sinks. "Adora..."

  “Sorry, sorry, I—” Adora lets out something that sounds like a laugh, but it's bitter, completely humourless, muffled into the hand she brings over her mouth. It sounds more like she's about to cry. "I always have to go and ruin it, don't I?" 

  "Hey, no—" But Adora's already pulled her hand away, closing in on herself. "Come here." Glimmer's slow in her movements, allowing Adora the chance to reject the comfort at any point, first gently taking Adora's wrists, trailing her hands to her shoulders, then, finally sliding her arms around her, pulling her in like a lifeline. Adora makes no move until she returns the embrace, hiding her head in Glimmer's shoulder as she clings to her with a desperation that harrowingly reminds Glimmer of herself on that first night, her breathing shallow and rushed as much as it sounds like she's trying to steady it. 

  "I'm sorry." Adora whispers, the quivering distress in her words wrenching the tightness in Glimmer's throat. "For everything. I'm so sorry." 

  "You need to stop apologising," Glimmer says, and it might come out more harshly than she means it too. She runs her hand up and down Adora's back, trying to communicate through her touch that she didn't mean it that way. "It's not your fault, none of this is your fault." 

  In the whole two months, they've only kind of managed to talk about what happened. Adora knows that it isn't her fault, that Glimmer's mom made her own decision to sacrifice herself in place of Adora. But knowledge isn't acceptance. The guilt will chip away at her, sullying her every interaction with Glimmer, pulling her away in the currents of time, in the waves of grief, until, unless—

  Unless Glimmer can hold on. 

  And she can hold on, she will hold on. 

  She can't let this end. 

  Not now, not ever. 

  "I love you," she says. It slips out among the typical affirmations, the it's okay 's and I'm here 's, before she's aware of the words taking shape in her mind. "I love you," she repeats, "I love you." 

  Soon enough, Adora's breathing steadies out, but her pulse doesn't slow, its rhythm reverberating even through the layers of clothes between them. Her arms are around Glimmer as she draws herself back, leaning her forehead against hers. Glimmer, suddenly, is aware of her own pulse, picking up in turn. It's the good kind of heart racing, she thinks, she hopes. She wonders if their hearts are in sync. She wonders how long it's been since she last thought about that. 

She’s about to ask, stupidly, if Adora’s okay, until Adora’s words knock her right off course.

  "I've never kissed anyone before tonight," she confesses quietly, her lips twitching in a stifled laugh. "I don't know what I was thinking. I’m—" She bites back the apology. “I probably...shouldn’t have done that.”

  Glimmer's always tentative about touching Adora's face. She knows she doesn't like it, and she's pretty sure she knows why. But as Glimmer lingers her hand over her cheek, silently requesting permission, Adora actually leans into the touch, closing her eyes briefly with a releasing sigh. "I kissed you too," she points out softly, "it takes two to tap dance, or whatever that dumb phrase is." 

  A light dusting of pink rises up Adora's cheeks. She places her hand over Glimmer's, holding it where it is, her fingers calloused yet her touch feather-light where she runs her thumb across the smoother skin of a hand that's never wielded a sword. "I'm so embarrassed," she almost whispers, "Everyone was staring, I don't know, I just— did I even do it right?" 

  "Shh." Glimmer soothes, bringing her other hand up to Adora's other cheek. "I wouldn't know." She pauses. Her heart is pounding, her skin is tingling, the butterflies finding their home in her stomach — the good kind, definitely the good kind. "I mean," she adds quietly, so quietly even the omnipresent reach of the moons can't eavesdrop, the moment theirs and theirs alone, "we could always try again." 

  When their lips meet, the white and red sparks dancing between them mingle and merge into one unified light that glows and grows, so warm she momentarily forgets what it is to be cold, so vitalising she momentarily forgets what it is to be afraid. It's hard to define a moment. It could have been a second, it could have been an eternity. And when she opens her eyes, Adora is still there in front of her, eyes sparkling and a soft, bashful smile gracing her features that Glimmer swears, then and there, is the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. 

  Silence falls over them again after that. The best kind of silence, filled with warmth and butterflies. They find a settled position neither of them are going to move from anytime soon, Adora resting against the cushions behind her, Glimmer resting across her with her head on her chest. She could stay here forever. 

  “Glimmer?” Adora chimes softly. 

  “Hm?”

  "I love you too. Did I mention that already? I’m not sure I did." 

  Glimmer lets out an amused huff, shifting ever so slightly to drape her arm across Adora's waist. "It’s okay. I kind of gathered." 

  "I wish I'd told you before.” Adora sighs. “Even before...any of this, I was just…" 

  "Scared?" Glimmer's eyes flicker up to meet Adora's. 

  "Scared. Confused. Not sure whether you... I actually confided in Bow before the party and he gave me this big pep talk that got me all psyched up. It...probably wasn't the best time to confess anyway, in hindsight, and I didn't account for that whole mistletoe thing—" 

  Well, that explains the way Bow was looking at them when Adora took her aside. 

  "That's…" Glimmer lets out another amused huff. "Very Bow. I got my pep talk from Mermista ." She groans to herself. "You know it's bad when Mermista gets involved."

  “Oh, wow .” Adora groans as well, comedically dramatic. "Why are we like this, Glimmer?" 

  "We're dumbfaces. Both of us. The dumbest faces in Etheria." She pokes Adora's nose again. "And...you know, there's...actual reasons, that are still there.” Ah, there you are, reality. “I don't know if we can, like, feasibly...be...a thing." 

  "Do you want to?" 

  "What?" 

  "Be a thing?"

  "I mean…" Glimmer feels a familiar leap of trepidation in her chest, but it's dwarfed by the conviction of the real answer. "Yeah. I do. I really do."

  "Then we'll make this work." 

  "How?" 

  "We improvise." Glimmer snorts , pulling herself up slightly to lightly shove Adora's shoulder, and Adora’s jaw drops as she pretends to be offended. “What? It’s how we do everything else!”

  “You’re such a dumbass,” says Glimmer, and it’s true, but she makes a compelling point — and Glimmer, is, well, also a dumbass. They’re perfect for each other. 

  "Can I be  your dumbass?" Adora does an excruciatingly cute kissy face and Glimmer rolls her eyes, trying to hide the giant smile tugging her lips. 

  “I guess .” She’s smiling, contrary to the poorly feigned reluctance of her words. She can’t stop smiling. 

  They solidify the decision with another kiss, and it's familiar now, so familiar Glimmer wonders why she was ever scared in the first place. The world is theirs, and it's boundless. They can take it all on in their stride; soar over the moons and dance in the stars.

  Obviously, there's plenty of reasons to be scared. Her and Adora have far more to work through than can be dealt with in one night, both together and as individuals. The future remains uncertain, and Glimmer still bears the burden of Bright Moon and the Rebellion and her own persisting grief on her weary shoulders, and Adora may have multiple worlds on hers. 

  But tonight, once they can bring themselves to detangle to take care of their bedtime routines, Glimmer and Adora will fall asleep together and safe in the warmth of each other's arms. The snow is falling, the moons are bright, and Adora's eyes are gateways to the stars beyond the foreboding void of Etheria's night sky. Tonight, Glimmer will look into those galaxies and come home on those lips as they meet her own, again and again and again. 

#glimmer #adora #glimmadora #she ra #spop #shera fanfic #my writing

[tiawritesgood]

Jurassic: The New World, Chapter Ten

Owen hid behind his designated tree, ready to go on Claire’s signal. It was incredible how Claire could come up with a plan despite her anger. That was likely why she did so well managing Jurassic World. She was quick on her feet, and good under pressure.

  He just hoped Claire’s plan worked. Owen didn’t think he or his girlfriend could handle it if they failed.

           “On my mark,” Claire whisper yelled. Owen passed the sentiment on to the boys who hid behind the next two trees down. Their mother was the lookout.

           “One, two…” Claire paused a few extra beats before darting out from behind her tree. “Three!”

           InGen was surrounded by armed guards, but they didn’t dare shoot. That was one of the many assumptions Owen had made. The guards knew that Owen and Claire were InGen’s only hope at finding Blue, so they weren’t allowed to shoot.

           Claire walked casually towards the guards despite her hasty exit from the tree line. She approached a side entrance that they had spotted doing recon. Two guards stood outside. Both were taller than Claire, one wide with muscle and the other lanky and thin. Owen watched Claire hand for the signal and tamped down any lingering worry he had about her. This would only work if he was calm and focused, which he couldn’t do if he was scared that his girlfriend was in danger. Claire was very capable of taking care of herself. She’d proven that on more than one occasion.

           The red-headed woman’s voice carried across the open grass and into the trees where Owen hid. “Hey, boys. I need to speak with the good doctor.”

           “Not a chance, pretty lady.”

           Owen winced. Calling Claire ‘pretty lady’ was a terrible mistake. Her goal was to use the low-dose tranquilizer darts Owen had stored in the van, but if something went awry, Claire was prepared to use other methods. She and Owen didn’t spar in their front yard for no reason.

           “Come on, fellas. You can let this pretty lady in, can’t ya?”

           “Sorry, ma’am,” a different guard said. “We’re under strict orders not to allow you inside. Straight from the mouth of Dr. Wu.”

           Claire clenched her fist behind her back. It was almost go-time.

           “I’m asking nicely.”

           The lanky guard laughed. “I really wish we could help you, but we just can’t. You can try going around front and checking in at the desk.”

           “Such a shame, boys. I’d hoped we could do this the easy way.”

           Claire took one step back and the guards relaxed. They were too stupid to be afraid of a small red head. That was their second mistake. Owen was glad he wasn’t those guards.

           As soon as the men let down their defenses, Claire pivoted on her left foot and swung her right up and around, hitting the larger man square in the jaw. He stumbled, but didn’t fall over.

           Tall and lanky sprang into action, attempting to point his long gun at the moving woman. He was clearly fresh out of training and no idea what to do should someone actually try to break in. That was good – InGen wasn’t expecting them.

           And, thanks to Zack and Grey’s computer expertise, InGen didn’t see them coming, either. Their surveillance cameras ran on a constant loop to protect the soon-to-be intruders.

           Claire laughed at the younger guard’s attempts. “Really?” Her right first slammed into his face. He crumpled to the ground in a solid heap. One down, one to go.

           “Your turn, buddy. And by the way: I hate being called a pretty lady. I’m so much more than that!”

           She definitely was. Claire ducked beneath the large guard’s punch and rolled behind him. Laying on her back, she kicked the back of his knees, causing him to fall. He reached for his gun, but Claire was much faster. Her boot dug into the back of the guard’s neck.

           “Honestly, you should have just let me in.”

           Claire took a dart from her pocket and released the safety tip. Before the guard could make another move, she stuck the needle point into his neck. Within seconds, the man was fast asleep. The tranq would only last an hour or so, and the other guard would likely wake up first. They didn’t have much time.

           Claire moved her fingers into the OK symbol. It was simple and a bit cliché, but it worked. Owen, Zack, and Grey jogged across the open field to where Claire waited for them.

           “Easy, peasy,” she said with a grin. Owen couldn’t help it – he pulled her up against his chest and kissed her hard. Watching her take out those guards was hot.

           Zack tapped Owen’s shoulder. “Okay first of all, gross. Second, we really need to go before anyone comes to check on these guys.”

           Owen released Claire and she straightened up her shirt. It was caked with mud, torn from tree branches, and clung to her sweat-soaked skin, but Owen didn’t care. She looked insanely beautiful no matter what she wore.

           Zack and Grey made quick work of stripping the guards down to their skivvies and putting on the uniforms. Luckily, both boys were tall, so the clothes fit okay. Zack was engulfed in the larger man’s outfit, but not so much so that he looked ridiculous. Owen would have to ask Zack what his workout routine was. The kid had gained some muscle definition over the years. Not that Owen really needed a new workout, but it never hurt to try new things. With dinosaurs on the loose, strength and agility were more important than ever.

           Once the boys were dressed, they used the guard’s keycards to enter the building. The light blinked green and the doors unlocked. The foursome headed inside, watching their backs as they moved.

           “We need to find the main security office,” Zack whispered. “I can find where they’re holding Maisie that way.”

           “Down this hallway, right, third left, right side.”

           No one gave Grey’s instructions a second thought. He memorized directions the way he memorized dinosaur facts. They had seen the InGen blueprints for a split second before putting the plan in motion, and Grey was able to figure out where they would have to go. That was why he was with them and not outside with his mother.

           Zack and Grey went ahead to scout each hallway. It wasn’t likely that the two boys were on InGen’s radar, so they could blend in as security better than Claire and Owen. Their faces were probably plastered on the break room wall.

           Only one person had to be tranqed during their journey to the control room. Well, not including the two guys who were in charge of watching the monitors. Claire took them out quickly, and Zack and Grey settled in front of the computers.

           The boys were able to divert the feeds remotely, but they couldn’t get a good look at the system without risking someone noticing.

           “This is the only control room,” Zack confirmed after fiddling with the technology. We can unloop the cameras and find Maisie now.”

           They could have brought Blue in to track their daughter, but it would have been hard to hide an angry dinosaur. Much easier to hide angry parents and cousins. Blue wasn’t happy with the command, but she obeyed Owen and stayed at the tree line.

           Zack flipped through hundreds of camera feeds. Each member of the group took a monitor and watched for any sign of Maisie.

           “Stop!” Claire yelled after a few minutes. “Go back one.”

           Zack obeyed, and everyone looked at Claire’s screen. Sure enough, Maisie was there, looking small and frail in a hospital bed. A needle stuck in her arm.

           “Is that blood?” Owen asked, pointing to the bag hanging on her IV stand. It was impossible to tell in the black and white video, but it definitely looked like blood. “What are they doing to her?”

           Claire rubbed Owen’s back. “Whatever it is, it stops now.”

           Zack put the monitors back on their loop and Grey spouted out directions to Maisie’s room. It was only a couple of hallways down, on the right. Unfortunately, there were a ton more people in that area. Luckily, they were wearing lab coats, not security uniforms.

           “What do we do, Aunt Claire?” Zack asked as they peered around the corner. “We can’t take all of them.”

           Claire nodded. Owen could see the wheels turning behind her eyes as she revised her original plan. Though, truthfully, the plan had only gone as far as the control room. It was always going to be improvised from that point on.

           “There’s only one thing we can do,” Claire said. “We make a run for it.”

           “What?”

           “We run. They’re scientists. They’ll chase us, but hopefully at least one of us will get to Maisie first.”

           Owen studied his girlfriend’s face. Her features were set and determined. There was no talking her out of this plan, and if the rest didn’t agree, she would have run on without them.

           “Fine. On three, we run.”

           Claire counted them off. “One. Two… Three!”

           Owen, Claire, Zack, and Grey took off down the final hallway towards Maisie’s room.

           “Stop!” “Wait!” “This are is restricted!”

           The scientists yelled after them, but none actually tried to stop them. They called security, but it was too late. Less than a minute later, all four of them were at the door to Maisie’s room.

           “You don’t want to do that,” a familiar voice said. “Open that door, and we won’t hesitate to eliminate you.”

           Owen had his hand on the knob. Through the window, he could see Maisie asleep in the bed. She had to be in a drug-induced sleep to stay quiet through all of the chaos in the hallway.

           He swallowed down tears threatening to spill over. These monsters were doing tests on his daughter, and they wouldn’t get away with it.

           “We came for Maisie. She belongs with us. You have no right to her.”

           “Maisie is an experiment, not a human. The judge never should have sent her with you. You don’t know what she needs.”

           “What she needs?” Claire screamed. “What she needs are her parents. Not some scumbag scientists running tests on her blood!”

           Dr. Wu chuckled. “You never understood what I did, Claire. You never appreciated me. And now you think we’re running tests on the girl’s blood. If you had only listened…”

           Claire grabbed the man’s collar. Owen didn’t bother trying to get her to back off. If she hadn’t done it, he probably would have. “You listen. Give us back our daughter, and we won’t report you for this. We’ll tell authorities we found her in the woods.”

           “Give us Blue.”

           “Not a chance.”

           “Then Maisie stays with us. Go ahead and talk to the police. They won’t believe you, and the ones that will, we’ve already taken care of. You’d be surprised how little it costs to buy loyalty these days.”

           That explained why the police weren’t doing more to find Maisie. They had known where she was the whole time. A week had gone by with no sign of their daughter, and the police just kept lying to Claire and Owen, acting like they were looking.

           Owen’s ears burned with rage. “Wu, I’m telling you once, and only once. Give. Us. Back. Our. Daughter.”

           “No.”

           Then all hell broke loose.

           And it wasn’t Owen or Claire. Not even Zack or Grey.

           Red lights filled the hallway and an alarm screeched from speakers high on the walls. Owen, Claire, Zack, and Grey covered their ears, but it did nothing to drown out the horrid sound.

           “Wu, there’s been an intrusion.”

           The scientist pointed to the four people in front of Maisie’s door. “Yes, I see that.”

           “No,” the guard said. He held up a tablet for Dr. Wu to see. “A different kind of intrusion.”

           Before anyone could respond, a horrifying scream sounded from down the hall. In response was a familiar sound.

           “Blue!” Owen cried. His raptor turned the corner and ran full speed towards her master. She hit the guard with her tail and squared up to attack Dr. Wu, but Owen called her off.

           “Wait. Blue. Halt.”

           The dinosaur glanced at Owen, then back at the doctor. She snarled, but didn’t attack.

           “That’s a good girl.” He turned his attention to Dr. Wu. “Now, we are going to go in there and get Maisie. She’s coming with us. If you try to stop us, I won’t call Blue back.”

           The doctor shook, but not in fear. Rage filled his eyes.

           “It doesn’t matter,” he spat. “We don’t need her or the raptor. We have something else, something bigger. You won’t see it coming. None of you will!”

           Owen didn’t have time to consider the threat. He finally opened the door to his daughter’s room, only Maisie was no longer in the bed.

           The small girl jumped from behind the door, brandishing a surgical knife. She stopped herself before using the weapon.

           Tears fell immediately. Owen and Claire collapsed to the floor and pulled Maisie in for a group hug. Zack and Grey joined them.

           “I’m so sorry, sweet girl,” Claire said through her sobs. “You are never leaving our sight again.”

           The girl giggled. “I’ll have to leave eventually, Mom. Just, not for a long while.”

           This brought a smile to both Claire and Owen’s lips.

           “Come on, then,” Owen said, standing and holding out a hand to his daughter. “Let’s go home.”

           Maisie nodded. “I’ve been waiting a whole week for you to say that.”

           Owen held her hand tightly. Claire may have been joking, but he didn’t plan on leaving Maisie’s side for a very, very long time. Now that he knew what it was like to lose her, he would make sure it never happened again.

           No matter what it took.

#jurassic world #jurassic park #jurassic #dinosaurs #claire dearing #owen grady #clowen #claire and owen #owen and claire #maisie lockwood #maisie #fallen kingdom #fanfiction #fanfic #story #fan story #scifi

[suckit-aynrand]

wow okay.

i just now finally got the guts to softblock my ex’s tumblr after a fucking year and a half.

ive wanted to rant and piss and moan about that whole debacle on here for so long but because she followed me etc. i never did because i didnt want to stir shit up

i shouldve done this a long time ago because every time i saw a post she reblogged i’d feel sick to my stomach and get really depressed tbh.

so now im trying to release all my shitty feelings by writing it out....

she was my first kiss and then she ended it before we were even able to give it a chance even though i’d liked her for over 6 months prior.

she was a fucking bitch though and made me feel so shitty about myself... unfortunately, i have an issue where i need everyone to like me so the more someone doesn’t care about me the harder I try and any drop of affection from them is like a drug.

ok so like she told me she was gay in like february or some shit and i told her I was bi because i was still trying to figure my shit out and then I started developing feelings for her (ie, see above) which i’d never done before because id never opened myself up to thinking about a girl that way and never with guys except for feeling ill....

so yeah, we were friends for a long time and i really liked her that whole time but i was fucking what 19 and had never done anything with anyone and was really nervous about stuff like that and, especially because of her personality where she’d be a total bitch 75% of the time and shoot down anything i said (which id just brush off as a joke or whatever and laugh) so no way in hell was i going to ever fucking make a move and i’d sleep over at her house (she lived at home) and she knew I had no experience and i told her id never even kissed anyone and she’d call me a “spring chicken” and shit because i was such a fucking everything virgin

we spooned once but i was so nervous and freaking out because im bad with touching people in general because i have this huge fear of doing something wrong and being rejected and totally overthing everything??

we also had this stupid bullshit thing about “ymir and krista” from attack on titan- shut the fuck up, i know, but like it was kind an apt metaphor for our personalities and looks (besides height because i was taller than her) so i remember and breaking point in my crush was when there was a “pick ten pictures that represent your aesthetic” on tumblr or whatever so i picked a bunch of pics or whatever and then one that was ymir/krista and i tagged her to do it too (do your sleuthing on your own time fellas) and she ALSO put a ymir/krista pic in hers so i was like HOLY FUCK IS THIS KISMET??? and then got my shit together to admit to my sister that i liked her and was bi (lol... that was a while ago...) and planned to ask her out myself.

anyway, like the next night, and incidentally on the night of the Supermoon in 2015 (when there was an eclipse on the night of the supermoon) i stopped by her job at gamestop when i was at the mall with friends to say hi (which i would do whenever possible... again, i was/am desperate for affection) and she said she was getting off soon and her grandparents were in town and were going to dinner at a place at the mall and would i like to go with so i was like sure so we went and then I went back to her place with her family and we sat outside to watch the supermoon and we were like holding hands and shit because it was cold and it was montana in late september etc. and i was nervous and all but all blushy and excited because of my previous nights shit, and then we eventually moved onto the back porch and she asked me if id want to date and i was like yes and then her homophobic grandparents came out to see if we were still watching the moon or whatever and then we went in to her room where i slept over and when we were looking out the window she kissed me and i was super nervous and blusy so it was like just a quick peck but it was my first kiss and i wanted to do it again but also i was scared to (like... because of her? and i was scared she wouldnt want to?)

so then the next morning i got a ride back to my place by her mom because i had an early class and we kissed (quickly again) before i left and then the next night i slept over at her place again but we didnt kiss at all... after that i would keep texting her and trying to make plans and stuff - i wasnt a student at the time but i lived close to campus so i was always like let me know when youre free and i can come up and meet you for lunch or i can come up and do anything because i wanted to see her and shit and she’d always be like “im busy with work/school/band etc.” so i was just like ok let me know when youre not and id visit her at work when i could but i didnt have a car and she was working and i didnt want to hang out in gamestop or whatever so id just pop in and it was awkward...

id said earlier that i wanted to go to the rocky horror show live that they did downtown so i saved up over $100 to get us tix and dressed all slutty for it (for her but also for rocky) and she wasnt really into it and i was trying to make it fun etc. and i had planned for her to stay the night at my place afterwards because i had an extra mattress under my bed for guests (THAT I LITERALLY ONLY BROUGHT WITH THE SPECIFIC INTENTION OF IT BEING FOR HER) but she said she had to go home or whatever and so i drove her home and walked her in and we kissed (quick kiss again) as i was leaving and then we kissed again, but like a couple little kisses in a row, and i was trying so hard to do it right but i was so nervous and that was all good (except she told me that my fucking MAC LIPSTICK didnt taste good... that fucker....) and then i left and continued to try to meet up with her and then one day she asked me if i was free to come talk to her on campus so i tried to dress up all cute and then she broke up with me.

the break up was so weird too because she was like “ive been too busy to see you, and ive been having a really hard time with my mom lately, and my dads cancer just came back and i want to still be friends and maybe next semester we can try again” and all and she was like crying (like a little bit) so i didnt want to be dramatic and make her feel bad so i tried to keep it light etc. (like i always do because im a fuck) so i was like its all good im so sorry youre having all this shit let me know if i can do anything etc. and then i hung out for a bit to try to make her feel like it was all good (even though i was devastated inside..... im just really awful with my emotions...) and then i left and was in a trance for a few days.... like even though practically nothing happened i didnt know (and still dont know???) what happened???

like....... was it because i wasnt really making any moves??? because i was trying like especially at halloween etc.????? and like she was the one who asked me out?????? like... i was also open about the fact that i’d be moving away the following summer most likely because i was changing schools and whenever i’d bring it up before we were “together” she’d legit like tear up and be like “you cant leave” and shit...?? was that why???? and like this still really gets to me even though it shouldnt and she truly was very hurtful to me in so many ways beyond this bullshit??? i just feel like i expended so much effort on building my relationship with her and never got any reciprication? 

like... there were a couple of times the following semester where she’d text me and ask to get together with another friend or whatever and i really really really wanted to say no but that word isnt in my vocabulary because im an anti-confrontational pushover so we would and it would be so weird for me but id really really work to pretend like it wasnt and then i moved.

and i really honestly wanted to message her and be like can you just be open with me about why because i feel like i got no closure and i thought about doing it a bunch but i never did because im a coward and scared of putting other people in situations that might make them uncomfortable because i know how uncomfortable they make me and how much i hate it???? i also thought about asking a mutual friend if he knew anything about it because he was closer with her but i didnt even know if she told any of her friends/family about it because she was super open about being gay but didnt want me to be open about our relationship because, in her words, “they’d say we told you so and we knew” and she wanted to prove them wrong for as long as possible or something?

but now like a year and a half later its sooooo way beside the point and too late so like i cant do it now.... but i havent been in another relationship obviously and like last semester i was getting really unreasonably jealous over her ambiguous snap story about getting ice cream with her girl and how much she loves her even though im more than halfway across the country from her and now ive definitely calmed down and have faced the fact that she was a bitch but like i still feel so stuck with no closure and also am terrified that i’ll never find anyone else? and i also know that its my fault but i wish i knew how much and what i could do better in the future because im terrified of making the same mistakes again and feeling this emptiness?

i wish this were easier. im so sorry for spilling all this shit but ive been bottling it up for so long and have only ever told my sister and even her i didnt tell everything and i feel free now that i wont be seeing her posts anymore and can hopefully let this settle even more....

#my post #textpost #this is just a super long in depth story of my first #quote en quote relationship #and how lost and shitty and confused i feel about it #if anyone has any ideas or intuitions about what the fuck happened please let me know id appreciate it greatly

[thelostbutfoundstories]

Love in this day in age.

Love. Love is such a powerful word. For some people it can send chills rippling through their stomachs and flutters bouncing all around their stomach. But for others, its just a word. A word that they use to make someone stay. A word to fulfill someones sexual desires. A word that may not even be real. Love is a long lost word that I feel no one really takes seriously anymore. A word so Powerful that it makes my heart swell with happiness and grateful.

Let me back up for a moment. Let me explain. Let me explain why I feel so strongly about the word love. Also from experience. At the age of 15, I was only a teenager running around trying to fulfill my wants and “needs”. I had a group of really close friends that all hung out every weekend. It was amazing and I never thought id come across a better group of friends in my life. I thought I had it made. There was about eight of us at the beginning. We had a few couples in the group at the time as well, but we all accepted it. They were our friends, how couldn’t we!? Things went so well. Best friends, high school fun stuff. But once the age of 16 had hit, there was one thing about our group of friends that not many people had in their group. No Alcohol or drugs. Being a sophomore in high school that didn’t drink or smoke was WILD! We all really believed that we could have the time of our lives without being controlled by a toxic liquid courage, that controlled us like puppets on strings. Or this crazy fog type substance that made you feel silly and act the ways you never have before. That right there was love. We all bonded so well and did everything together. But one weekend, we had someone new come along. Someone with a bottle of that crazy, liquid courage shit. Half of the group put that bottle up to their lips and let the toxins slide right down their throat and into the stomach. The other half of us, were shook. We couldn’t fathom the horror that our friends did. We didn’t understand why they were so accepting to it after being so hateful towards it. Four of us parted ways and left the house we were hanging out at. One of the girls that had left with us just so happen to be in a relationship with one of the fellas that had stayed back to take part in the toxic activities. She had been stressing and worrying about the whole situation for here on out. Watching someone hurt, worry and stress is to who I am. It truthfully hurts me watching them kind of things take place. I tried my hardest to help her in any way I could, she’s one of my closest friends, I just had too.

I had been single for a while at this point, not really looking for anyone, nor shutting the idea out. My love life had just been on pause I guess for a while.

Fast Forward: Months have past, things never really got back to normal and our group of friends happen to split up into two groups. But remember that girl I tried to help? Yeah, well things didn’t get easier for her. They had split up. After dating someone for so long at that age, felling like you had loved them the whole time.. it kills you. It rips your heart out and gets ran over by a eighteen wheeler. I had messaged her on social media and told her I would be here for her whenever she needed me. For ANYTHING.

Weeks go by, we talk almost every single day. Me trying to hep her and distract her from what feels like the most terrible thing in the world. by the way, ill have to agree with her though, I as well feel like at that age a year or more relationship is a high deal I’ve dealt with it myself, it is a shitty thing and it odes weight heavy on you. But while we carry on conversations thats go just a little deeper then expected. I mean thats not a bad thing at all, I’m really enjoying this.

One night, I was at home.. just home relaxing on a winter vacation alone in my room. I just happen to click on this girls profile that I had been helping through hard times… and I had this weird feeling arise in the pit of my stomach. Was confused on what this feeling was and why? i Scroll upon this picture of me, her and two other friends. It was a goofy one. But was locked on her. This feeling it my stomach was getting worse and I felt nervous. I brushed off this weird feeling and kept on with my night. But my curiosity kept my mind on cruise control with tunnel vision. As I sat there in my room, on my bed and thinking what possibly could this be and why? I laid back into my bed and began to dose off, slowly fading out and into my dreams… I hear a soft voice next to me speaking in my direction. Its so soft and gentle. I turn my head and notice I’m near a pool. No one is around, just me and the soft spoken voice. Is it down on the edge of the pool and sink my feet into the chilling yet refreshing water. I warm finger runs along my shoulder working its way from the right to the left. i look to my right to glance at who is touching me. As I do, I hear someone sit down to my left. “I was hoping to see you here.” Says the soft voice. I turn my head to the right. I lock eyes on this beautiful women. Brown eyes, brown hair. With a solid yellow bikini. The chilling water felt like ice. Goosebumps ran up my legs, through my body and to my finger tips. Ive seen this women before, just not sure where? words finally spilled from my mouth. “How did you find me here?”. a smile grows upon her face as she glances down at the Cristal blue water. “I know you better then you think, silly”. She then lifts off the edge and slides into the pool. The yellow bikini sinks underwater and through to the other side, then disappears. She’s gone. I stand up in confusion and disbelief. I was thinking to myself “No! That not it, I need more! Need to know more!”. I turn around, scrambling for a towel. i wrap myself in this body devouring towel. Is it down, strongly press my palms to my eyes. “Time to go so soon?” Said the soft voice. Quickly as I possibly can I remove my hands from my face and look up towards the voice. Its her. I stand up and looks a couple inches down from eye level and ask her “Where do I know you from?” She laughs softly, “Right here babe.” She leans in to get her face closer to mine. My hands creep up to her cheeks, to feels such a elegant and mesmerizing touch. She wraps her arms around to back. I get this weird feeling arise in my stomach. Our eyes our locked with each others with the keys no where to be found. No words are spoken. I lean in to feel this soft lips of this beautiful angle. We get closer and closer. My heart starts thumping harder and harder. I prepare myself for this moment. A kiss, but not just any kiss. A kiss with such an amazing person. I know nothing on who she is, where she came from, yet I know this face. But I would love to know it better. My hand slides under her chin and pulls it up towards me. Our lips touch slowly. As my heart skips a beat, I jolt myself back to reality. I had awoken from this dream that I couldn’t understand but did not mind. I roll to my phone next to my bed. Nothing on the screen but one single message.

My mind drew a blank for a moment. Thats until my eyes had widened as far as they possibly could. My jaw dropped to the floor and I froze in disbelief. I jumped out of the bed with my phone gripped in my hand. I could not believe it. The girl in my dream was Ashley. But we can call her Ash. The girl I had been talking with for weeks on end. All along, I’ve been falling in love with the beautiful person and I didn’t even know.

Four and a half years later: I wake up to the annoying sound of an alarm. I reach blindly over to turn it off. I rub my eyes for a couple moments, then open them. Im looking up at a white ceiling. The room is cold, I am warm. I roll to my right side. I see the blanket is lifted as if there is someone under them. I slide closer to the risen blanket. I feel a warm, soft type of backside to Ash. I reach around the body, only to pull it closer. Brown hair comes closer to me, eventually resting in my face. The soft body is now touching my chest. And stomach. This feeling in the stomach arises from my stomach, but it keeps going up and up. It reaches my heart. My heart is happy, I am happy. Ash rolls over, exhaling slowly. We are now face to face. As her eyes slowly open, a smile slowly creeps to the surface of my face. My hand glides down her face. “ I Missed you” I say tiredly. “ she smiles back. I give her a kiss before turning to crawl out of bed. I sit at the edge of the bed, looking upon ash while she sleeps. At this moment of time I feel so many feelings. I feel lust, happiness and so much more. Ive never thought about something so deeply and so passionately. I never felt so strongly about my feelings for her, So protective, so happy for her, so… so proud. When I touch her skin, my heart feels happy. When our fingers interlock, I feel better. When I kiss her, my heart skips a beat. When I lay next to her I feel so… safe, so conformable. Memories run through my head. Long night time car rides, movie dates when we can’t let go of each others hands, Doing my running for the day with her in my passenger seat, long meaningful conversations, everything. The meaning of love hits me. I had finally figured it out. I found my person.

Love isn’t about getting what you want, nor just a word any people in a relationship say. Its not a word at all as a matter of fact. Its a feeling. A feeling that means you will do anything for that person. To do anything to make them smile, to make them feel okay. Anything to make them feel wanted.

When I say “ I Love you.” To Ash, it comes from the deepest place in my heart. The best, deepest place in my heart.

Love, is with Ash in this day in age.

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