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#kind of romanticism you expect in like 'being booked' and doing things if that makes sense??

neowinestainedress · 2 years

Text

rose-colored glasses (all distorted) | lee jeno

title: rose-colored glasses (all distorted)

pairing: lee jeno x fem!oc/reader (no name used, written in third person) | mentioned: oc's brother!jaemin, lee haechan, park jisung

genre: bet!au, brother’s best friend, angst, smut, fluff (if you squint) | requested

summary: a long-lasting crush for her brother’s best friend, a bet, obsession, devotion and jealousy; all things that cannot lead to anything good. But the world that Jeno showed her was perfect and she couldn’t see what it really hid behind the rose-colored glasses. It was all distorted.

warnings: angst, manipulation, gaslighting, fights, jealousy, smut, fingering, oral sex (m and f), (semi) public sex (on Ferris wheel), pussyjob (i guess??), degradation, praise, dirty talk, unprotected sex, jealous sex, make-up sex, inexperienced!oc, feeling like tagging this dubcon bc of the heavy power imbalances (jeno is mean at the start and then he’s slightly possessive and she would do anything to have him in any way, do what you need to do with this information) but there’s always consent

words: 18.294k

a/n: i promise it’s a bet!au but with a darker twist. I enjoyed writing this even if it’s quite out of my comfort zone (please don’t make me write mean men anymore I need them to be himbo male wives) but as I said I’m happy with it so I hope the anon that requested it (and all of you) will like it anyway. This story has no intentions of romanticizing this kind of behaviour, if you realize you’re in a manipulative/toxic relationship please ask for help.

taglist: @wooyoung4eva @jenoxygen @sunshinedhyuck @kundann @jaeymark

Having a crush on her brother’s best friends was one of the dumbest things she could ever do. Especially when they had always been in two different leagues.

Jeno had always been the popular kid at school, after a few years of being a loser in middle school, he picked in high school and college. He was everybody’s first love, tall, charming, the captain of the basketball team, and he even had good grades.

She, on the other hand, was the opposite. Not a loser like the typical image of the silly girl with pigtails and round, big glasses who spent her days reading books. But still not popular enough to be at his level. She was reserved, she preferred minding her business and spending time with her few friends instead of living in the chaos of frat parties, or disco nights with people she barely knew. She was Jaemin’s sister but she couldn’t be any more different than him. Probably being his sister was the thing that worsened everything. Everybody expected her to be as cool as her brother, funny, cute and charming at the same time, but most importantly, not annoying.

And yet, all those differences didn’t stop her from falling for Jeno. It was rather impossible when he was always at their place. They grew up together. Sure, she was always a step behind, watching from the side, laughing at his jokes when nobody else did, reminding his birthday to Jaemin that never remembered, admiring him and cheering him silently for every accomplishment he made. But she was there, every day since she was ten falling for him deeper. By now she came to the conclusion it wasn’t just a stupid crush that was going to pass. Too many years had passed by and she still looked at him in the same, delusional, way. Even if Jeno never paid her much attention, no matter how hard she tried.

But it wasn’t like Jeno couldn’t see it. He knew she had a thing for him, he could see how she squirmed every time their bodies touched casually, or how big her lips curled when he greeted her and most importantly… rumors ran.

He knew. But there was something funny in keeping her on the edge, seeing that, somehow, the harsher he treated her, the more she came back, wagging her tail every time he acted just a little bit nicer than usual.

And his group of friends knew too, always joking about it when they all stayed at Jaemin’s place and he left for a few minutes, giving them the opportunity to talk about his sister that always found a way to go downstairs just to say hello. So they talked about her a lot, chuckling, joking, saying that overall she wasn’t that bad and maybe he could’ve given it a try. But all of them were a little bit too competitive. Jeno was sure that if he only gave her a bit more she would’ve fallen to her knees, Haechan believing that she was too proud and innocent to actually risk it for him, while Jisung listened, laughing, but not believing she would’ve given up so easily.

But Jeno was firm in his belief. He knew she was already his. But it was risky; she wasn’t just anybody, she was his best friend’s sister, and even if Jaemin never showed to care much about her, he knew it was still a dangerous game to play.

But Jeno was a player, and he loved risky games.

“What are you doing here?” She exclaimed when, turning around, she saw Jeno lean against her bedroom doorframe. “Jaemin’s not home.”

“I know,” he replied, shrugging and making his way in. “I wasn’t looking for Jaemin.”

She furrowed, trying not to panic over the fact he had never been so close to her with nobody else around. “Our parents aren’t home.”

He snickered, “I’m not looking for them, either.”

“Then who are you looking for?” Her voice betrayed her, shaking a bit, but she shrugged it off with an awkward chuckle.

“Damn, you are dumb, aren’t you?”

“What?”

“I’m looking for you,” he said, sitting on her bed, and looking around. “Jesus, you do love pink,” he exclaimed, almost with a hint of disgust in his voice.

“Can you tell me what are you doing in my room?” She asked, crossing her arms on her chest and standing in front of him, having no idea where she found the courage, and deciding to let the comment about her room fall.

“I’m throwing a party this weekend,” he explained, placing his hands behind him on the mattress, stretching his legs out and tilting his head to the side, “wanted to know if you were coming.”

She laughed awkwardly, shaking her head. “You are inviting me?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“You hated when my mom forced you to bring me along.”

“Yeah, because you were a loser back then and annoyed the fuck out of me.”

She gasped, staring at him in disbelief. “This is how you are inviting me to a party?”

“I said ‘were’, I think we can get along now,” he said, standing up, and leaning close to her. “Or am I wrong?” He whispered while his hand placed on her waist, making her move back in surprise, but he stopped her, gripping tighter.

She gulped, lifting her head, and stared at him. “You barely talk to me…”

Jeno smirked, caressing her cheek and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Well, maybe I want things to change.”

She swallowed, trying to keep her eyes on his and not on his lips, fighting the urge to lean in and kiss him. This meant nothing. Jeno never looked at her like that. So why would he start doing it now?

“Do you want things to change between us?” He asked, almost cooing, moving his thumb on her lips, grazing gently.

“Ye-yeah, I do,” she said, snapping out of her thoughts and pulling back, turning around to hide the big breath she was taking now that she wasn’t in his hold anymore. But Jeno knew it anyway; she always did that even when he barely touched her or stood too close to her for more than two minutes.

“Great, see you this Saturday, then,” Jeno smiled, winking at her before closing the door behind him.

Her heart was beating ten times faster than usual, and a grin was not leaving his face until he walked downstairs and saw Jaemin. That was going to be fun, but he needed to be careful.

The party wasn’t chaotic like the high-school parties he and Jaemin used to plan every time their parents weren’t home, it was mostly their closest friends and some other people she had never seen before. But the music wasn’t too loud, there was nobody already drunken or high, lying on the floor, and most importantly, there weren’t couples all over each other in the living room.

She found out later from her brother that it was an inauguration for the house Jeno just bought, finally free out of his parent’s clutches. But of him, there were no traces.

She had been wandering around the place for like ten minutes now, a drink in hand as she hummed to the music playing from the speakers. Pushing the black dress she was wearing down her thighs, regretting the choice every two seconds she took a step and it rolled a little bit more up on her legs.

“I was looking for you everywhere.”

“You scared me!” She screamed, turning around too swiftly and spilling the alcohol all over his shirt, gasping and biting her lips nervously when she realized what she had done. “I’m sorry, shit, sorry. I can help you fix that.”

“Enough,” Jeno stopped her, blocking her empty hand from touching his wet chest. “My bedroom, now.”

“Yo-your bedroom?” She stuttered as he dragged her upstairs, leaving the party behind. “What are we doing in your bedroom?”

Jeno laughed mockingly, pushing her inside. “We’re fixing the mess you made. Why? Thought I was dragging you here to fuck?”

She moved her mouth without letting out a sound, feeling shame creep over her face.

“Yes? Want me to fuck you, babe?” He asked, lifting her head up by the chin and smirking at her flustered face.

“I – no, why would I?” She chuckled awkwardly, pulling away. “If you get changed, I can clean it, and then I’ll give it back to you once it dried,” she said, bringing the topic back to his stained shirt.

“I have a washing machine here,” he said, hands moving to grab the hem of his shirt and pull it over his head, making her get lost in his toned chest and abs. She had never seen him so exposed, but she was sure as hell that he had never been like this before.

“Close your mouth,” he ordered.

“It’s closed,” she retorted, grunting but still diverting her gaze from him.

“Sure,” he chuckled, throwing the dirty shirt on his desk chair; he didn’t even care about the shirt, he just wanted to spend time alone with her. “Anyway, I need you to help me pick another one.”

“That’s why I am here?”

“Yeah, I told you, I don’t want to fuck you.”

“Stop it. I don’t want either,” she replied, biting her lower lip nervously and tapping her high heels against the floor.

Jeno studied her, another smirk curled his lips before he sighed. “Help me fix the mess you made so we can go to the party and have some fun.”

When they reached downstairs again, she had no idea how she was still standing on her feet, staying too close to him and helping him close the buttons of the new shirt he picked got in her brain. Jeno pointing out all her weird antics didn’t help her much at relaxing. And just when she thought she was free and could find a corner to dance alone and then run home and avoid him forever, she got dragged on the couches.

“We’re playing truth or dare,” Haechan chanted, making her sit next to him. “You can’t miss it.”

“Truth or dare? How old are we? Fifteen?” She asked, looking around at the others, hoping somebody was going to back her up.

“That’s why I never wanted to bring you along,” Jaemin booed, “because you’re boring.”

She wanted to talk back, but the hums of agreement of his friends made her shut her mouth and squeeze more in her place.

“We’re starting from the youngest,” Haechan said.

“Man, why always from me?” Jisung huffed, rolling his eyes, receiving a look from his friend. “Fine, truth.”

So they started playing, too many dumb dares and too spicy truths for her liking, but she tried to be likeable and don’t be a buzzkill.

“Truth,” she chose for the first round, fearing the question, already knowing it was going to be something embarrassing or something she couldn’t answer because it wasn’t like she had many adventures.

“Where was the wildest place you ever had sex?” Haechan asked, making her face heat up immediately.

“Dude, that’s disgusting, she’s my sister,” Jaemin whined, turning around and fake-gagging.

But she was standing still, wanting to die under the interrogating gazes of the others. “I… I only did it in a bed,” she confessed as her eyes skimmed all over the room to avoid the mocking smirks on the others’ faces.

“Wow, yeah, should’ve expected it from you,” he mocked, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

She bit her lip, nervously playing with the hem of her dress, until her eyes met Jeno’s. He was staring at her but she couldn’t decipher what he was hiding under his gaze or if his lips were turned in a genuine smile or a mocking one. But it didn’t matter… well, it didn’t until she had the brilliant idea of picking dare.

“Guess what, we’re hoping you can spice up your life in one night,” Haechan joked. “You have to play seven minutes in heaven with Jeno,” he said, turning around and winking at his friends.

She expected Jeno to gag or complain about the pairing, but he didn’t. He looked at her, stood up and then reached his hand for her to grab. She hesitated, looking over at Jaemin for approval, but she gagged instead when she saw a girl all over him.

“Come on,” Jeno urged her, making her drift her gaze from her brother. “I’ve got a brand-new closet to try.”

The walk to his bedroom was silent as she felt panic run in her veins.

“You know that it doesn’t have to be sex, right? You can also just talk while playing seven minutes in heaven,” she mumbled when he opened the bedroom and started walking to the closet. “Or we could do nothing, that’s also valid, you –”

“Will you shut up for a second?” He asked, turning around, stopping in front of her, pushing her inside before closing the doors behind them. “Great, so much better for my ears,” he huffed. “And, to answer your annoying questions, no, there’s no fun in that.”

“We can’t do that in seven minutes,” she muttered. “Also you said you didn’t like me like that, you said that just before, you-” When he shushed her with a kiss she felt her knees buckle and her heart race and it felt like a fever dream.

“That’s something that shouldn’t happen in this game, you know? No kissing allowed.”

“No kisses but sex yes?”

He chuckled, making her walk back, sitting her on a small white desk next to the wall, dress lifting up, barely covering half of her thighs. “Weird, isn’t it?”

She hummed, breath shaking when his cold hands ran on her naked thigh. “Wait, I’ve never done this.”

“I thought you said you did it in a bed?”

“I – I did but it was ages ago and it was…” she stopped, embarrassed, “it was bad.”

“Oh, yeah, not surprised,” he replied. “Do you trust me?”

“I don’t know,” she whimpered when his fingers grazed her panties.

“I think your body trusts me,” he whispered against her neck when he moved the panties to the side and felt how wet she was. “Is this from before? Did seeing me half-naked got you like this?”

“N-no, why would it, mmh,” she stopped when his fingers started circling on her clit. “We shouldn’t – we shouldn’t –”

“Do this?” He asked, smirking and pushing a finger inside her, making her roll her head back against the wall. “I will make you come if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m not your ex-boyfriend.”

“Jeno –”

“Shh,” he shushed her, lips barely brushing against hers, “you don’t have to hold it back,” he whispered, starting to move his fingers inside her wet pussy. “I know you want this so badly. You’ve been dreaming about my fingers for so long,” he cooed, smirking when she lowered her head in embarrassment. “It’s alright, baby. A lot of people would want these fingers buried inside of them… and you are the lucky one tonight.”

“You won’t tell Jaemin, right?”

He snickered, “what happens here is a secret, honey. Just relax, stop being so serious, that’s why nobody can’t stand you. You think too much.”

She was about to open her mouth again and talk back but when his two fingers curled inside of her and hit the spot that made her tremble, she could only try to hold in the whimpers and let her head fall against his shoulder.

“There,” he hummed, “so much better.”

“Mhh,” she mumbled, her hand reached for his other arm and squeezed tight, trying to hold onto something, “feels good.”

“I know, baby, I know. He didn’t give it to you like this, right?” He teased, moving his hand to reach for her hair and force her head up so he could look at her face, eyelashes fluttering and lips parted to let out low moans. “What about this?” He asked, adding a third finger and starting to move his thumb on her clit, eliciting a choked sob to roll out of her mouth and to open her eyes fully. “You like this?” He asked, but he knew the answer, she was dripping over his hand and her hips were rolling against his thumb searching for more friction.

“Yeah,” she whispered, biting her lips, nails digging into his arm when he started to move faster into her, making her try to close her legs, embarrassed by the lewd sounds of her wetness, but Jeno only smirked and forced her legs parted.

“No, pretty,” he whispered, “want to see you.”

“I think I… I’m close,” she confessed, feeling her body burn up and a new weird sensation build up in her stomach.

“You think?” He asked, tapping her cheek so she would open her eyes. “Oh… he never made you come?”

She nodded, diverting her gaze again, feeling the sensation intensify with every thrust of his fingers. “Mhh, it’s too much, feels – feels too good,” she whimpered, hips grinding against him, and lower lip bleeding for how hard she was biting on it. But Jeno couldn’t care, he knew she could take it, she simply wasn’t used to it, but he was going to make her get used to it. This was just a preview of everything he could give to her, a small window on the world he could show her.

“Come,” he ordered, “I don’t think we have much time. And you don’t want Haechan to hear you moan like a whimpering mess, right?”

She shook her head before throwing it back, feeling a new sensation rush over her, her stomach tightened and her toes curled in her shoes while her hips bucked up against him.

“No more, no more,” she whimpered, trying to push him away.

“Shh, it’s alright, baby, it’s alright,” he shushed her, thumb grazing her cheek. She blinked, trying to shake the dizziness out of her brain, eyes falling on his lips, wishing she could taste them again because the kiss of before was so unexpected that her brain didn’t even have time to register it.

And Jeno knew it, but he needed her to crawl back to him, he couldn’t give her everything just yet. He needed time, precious time, filled with tests and games that she needed to pass and then maybe she would’ve gotten to him. He couldn’t even care about that stupid bet anymore, if the time was ticking and he needed to get with her in two months, he wanted to have her in the palm of his hands and play with her like a puppet.

“I told you I could make you feel good like nobody else ever did,” he said, winking, pulling away, leaving her sitting on the desk, slowly realizing what just happened. “Like nobody else ever will,” he whispered, turning around, waiting for Haechan to call them down again.

She shouldn’t have felt special. She shouldn’t have felt the butterflies fly in her stomach just because Jeno touched her for a stupid game. Yet, she did. Jeno was the only thing that filled her thoughts for the passing weeks. When she was trying to work. When she watched a movie. And when her hands shily moved on her body, desperately trying to replicate the feeling his fingers made her feel.

But nothing came close to him. She needed him, every day a little bit more than the day before. But the more she craved him, the more he seemed ephemeral. She couldn’t reach him, she didn’t have his number, and she never dared to sneak into her brother’s phone to steal it. She already looked pathetic in his eyes, so she needed to win him in another way. She needed to appear charming in his eyes and make him fall for her for real. But she didn’t know what he liked, or well, the only thing she knew he liked for sure wasn’t going to make him fall for her. But it was something. And something was better than nothing.

“Yeah, alright, I’ll wait here.” As soon as those words slipped out of Jeno’s mouth and Jaemin closed the main door behind him, she took the last steps on the stairs to reach him, running to the couch, waiting for him.

“What are you doing here?” He asked when, coming back to his seat, he saw her sit there.

“Because it’s my home?” She replied, playing dumb. “I thought both of you left.”

“But I’m right here, so…”

“Wanna watch a movie with me?” She asked, ignoring the way he was, not so subtly, trying to make her leave.

He snorted, “why would I want to watch a movie with you?”

“Because I’m bored.”

“You are bored, not me,” he huffed, sitting down. “Also, Jaemin will be back soon, we don’t have time for a movie.”

She shifted, sitting on her knees and placing her hands on his shoulder, “Then can we do something else?”

He looked at her up and down, trying to study her expression, “Like?”

“Promise you won’t tell anybody?”

“What are you on?”

“I know we said we weren’t going to talk about that night,” she started and Jeno stopped her immediately. “Exactly, so why are you bringing it up?”

“Let me finish, please,” she begged, and Jeno nodded, curios to know where she wanted to go. “It was… good. I mean, you are good so, I was thinking that maybe we could…”

“You want to be my sex buddy?” He finished for her, a mocking smile on his face.

“I want you to teach me,” she confessed, feeling shame take over.

Jeno raised a brow, tilting his head, “you want sex lessons from me?”

She nodded, lip trapped in her teeth.

“What makes you think I want to spend time with you? Especially like that.”

She stammered, not knowing what to answer and he rolled his eyes.

“Okay, fine, since you want my attention so bad, let’s try this,” he said, turning around, face so much closer to hers now. “You have to prove to me that it won’t be a total loss of time.”

“H-how?”

He smirked, moving a strand of hair out of her face, “I gave you something the other week, didn’t I?” She hummed. “Give it back to me.”

“I told you I don’t know how to do it, it’s not fair.”

“Alright, consider this the first trial lesson. If you’re not a total failure, which I doubt, I’ll give you what you want.”

Her eyes moved around the room, suddenly realizing how dumb everything was. That was a bad idea. That was the lowest point she could reach just to have him somehow.

“You know what, I… I think I don’t need those lessons,” she said, jumping off the couch but she had no time to walk around it that Jeno was already in front of her, stopping her in her tracks.

“I know you don’t really want these lessons,” he said, pushing her back against the couch. “All you want is my attention, isn’t it? You got a taste,” he whispered, lips almost touching hers, making her lean closer, only making him smirk, “and you can’t get enough.”

She wanted to deny it but there was no point anyway. It was written all over her face. It was in the way her thighs were squeezed together. It was in the way she had never worn clothes this revealing before around him.

“Am I right?” He asked again because he wanted to hear those words slip out of her mouth, he wanted her to admit how obsessed she was with him.

“Yes, I can’t get enough.”

He smirked before moving his hand down on her neck, thumb caressing her jaw, “So… do you want to have a bigger taste?”

She nodded and then dropped to her knees when he pushed her down. Hesitant, shaky hands moved to unbuckle his belt and push his jeans and underwear down, exposing his already half-hard cock.

“Can you get me hard?” He asked, already knowing that it was a matter of seconds with the way she was looking up at him.

No words slipped out of her mouth, she only nodded and then started pumping his dick, but his stern gaze made her lower her face.

“God, I really have to teach you,” he complained, rolling his head back and sighing loudly. “Open your mouth, your hands are useless.”

“Good,” he moaned when she parted her lips and stuck her tongue out. “See, you know how to do it, you just don’t want me to think you do.”

She was about to retort when he pushed almost all the way down, making her gag around him. But the discomfort didn’t last long, it felt unexpectedly good. She liked the sensation of his length on her tongue, or how she could feel the slight throbs when she sucked harder. But what she liked the most was the way Jeno’s face was contorted in pleasure and how deep moans came out of his lips.

“Don’t give me those – fuck – innocent eyes. Where did you learn, uh? With porn – shit – or reading?” He asked when she opened her eyes and met his, making him lose his mind.

“No, don’t answer, I don’t care where you learned. I just – fuck – need you to keep doing that. Keep sucking,” he ordered, making a makeshift ponytail with her hair and guiding her on his length. “Can you take all of it?”

Her eyes snapped up, looking at him, silently telling him that she couldn’t.

“Oh, you can’t?” He snickered. “But I’m here to teach you. That’s what you wanted, right? For me – fuck – to teach you. Then learn,” he said, pushing deeper down, making her gag around it. “Relax your jaw and breathe through your nose,” he told her, slowing down, pushing out before sliding in again. “Good girl, just like that,” he praised, and her thighs clenched together at his words, feeling wetness pool in her panties. “You are good at this,” he smirked, eyes glistening as he watched her concentrated expression and the way her cheeks hollowed around his girth and her tongue twirled around his head when she reached the tip.

“Do you exercise with Jaemin’s other friends? Uhm? Or am I the only one?” He grinned when she shook her head, still not pulling away from him. “No? The only one? The only one you get on your knees for?”

She nodded again, stopping working on him to breathe again, “o-only you,” she said, glossy eyes looking up at him, drool dripping down her chin.

“Can you be a good girl and take more for me?” He asked, wiping the drool away, and lifting her chin up.

“More?” She asked, voice trembling.

He hummed, “Can you let me fuck that pretty little mouth of yours? You don’t have to do anything but keep your mouth open for me.”

“Yea-yeah, I can,” she replied, parting her lips again and giving him full access. A muffled moan rolled out of her lips as soon as his hold on her hair tightened and he started thrusting into her mouth fast.

“Fuck,” he moaned, throwing his head back, “you feel good. Are you sure this is – fuck – your first time?”

She tried to nod, hands wrapping around his thighs as she started gagging more around him. “What, baby? Want to breathe?” He cooed but without stopping. “Here. Take a deep breath, just like that,” he said when he pulled out of her, making her cough to catch her breath again.

“Oh, look at you, opening your mouth again,” he said, tugging her hair and pushing into her mouth again. “I thought you were going to start – fuck – crying. But no – shit – you love this, don’t you?” He teased, staring into her watery eyes, feeling his orgasm close already.

She nodded, squeezing her eyes when he hit deeper, gagging around his length.

“It’s alright, baby,” he moaned, “I’m close. Gonna fill your pretty mouth and you – fuck – you will take it all like a good girl, uh?”

She moaned around him, closing her eyes, trying to relax more as his thrusts got faster, closing her thighs together, skin burning up in shame as she felt her panties get wetter and stick to her skin.

“Fuck,” he groaned, gritting his teeth and coming into her mouth. “Swallow it. Everything,” he ordered, pushing lazily into her mouth, emptying himself before pulling out. “Everything,” he repeated, grabbing her chin, and making her look up at him, watching as she swallowed all of his cum. “Good girl,” he praised her, leaning in, making her believe he was going to kiss her but instead he licked a stripe of seed that dripped on her chin and smirked at her disappointed face.

“Get up, you don’t want your brother to find you on your knees in front of my cock, right?” He said, reaching out his hand, helping her stand up after he pulled his pants back up.

“Come here,” he whispered, cleaning her chin with a napkin and fixing her messy hair. “That’s better, isn’t it?” He asked and she hummed, diverting her gaze from his, nervously playing with her fingers and squeezing her thighs together, feeling her pussy throb for how turned on she was. And Jeno knew it, but she needed to be patient. Time. He needed to take time.

“What’s with that face? You wanted the whole thing, didn’t you? You have to earn it.”

After that, other weeks of silence passed. Jeno only said hi when he passed over and nothing else. And she started to realize that she was being played, or better, that she was playing right into his fantasy, so she needed to get him out of his mind.

But it wasn’t like she had any idea of how to stop thinking about him. She had tried for more than 10 years to stop her heart from beating so fast every time she saw his face, or don’t stutter every time he addressed her. And she never succeeded. So how could she do it now? Now that she got so much more than a taste, now that she knew what his lips tasted like, now that she knew what his fingers felt like, now that she could scent his perfume every time she closed her eyes.

And, worst of it all, it felt like Jeno knew when she would start to get tired of playing this game of push and pull and always came back to her, every time giving her a bit more, and yet, a bit less.

And then one day everything changed.

“Hey! You’re soaked.” His voice rang in the late afternoon in the middle of the street. It was raining and she forgot to bring an umbrella with her, also, she couldn’t call anybody because her parents and Jaemin were out of town.

“Yeah, I can see it,” she whispered, keeping on walking, not wanting to turn around and fall on her knees more.

“Stop walking and get in, you’re gonna get sick,” he screamed, driving behind her slowly.

“As if you care,” she mumbled, trying to shield her body from the cold, cringing at the way the raindrops fell inside her clothes and wet her skin.

“I do care,” he whispered, grabbing her arm, and turning her around, chest to chest, rain wetting them both. “And now get in.”

“I don’t need you to come and save me –”

“I said, get in,” he ordered, sharp eyes looking into hers, not giving her a chance to talk back or disagree. So she lowered her head and walked to the passenger seat without saying a word.

“You can’t live without me,” he whispered when they were both in the car and started driving again in the chaos of Seoul’s streets.

“You’re so full of yourself,” she huffed, crossing her leg on top of the other and turning her body toward the window, watching as the drops ran on the glass and the lights outside appeared blurred.

“You are mad at me because I didn’t reach for you this week,” he said, tapping his fingers on the wheel, and it took a lot for her to don’t turn around and stare at them and imagine once again how they ran on her body and made her shiver. “Tell me I am wrong, come on.”

She pressed her lips in a thin line, and then brushed her hair behind, “No, you are not wrong.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, making her turn around in surprise, eyes focusing on his face, studying his profile, wondering why he apologized. “I didn’t want to leave you hanging for so long, I’ve been busy.”

She hummed, looking in front of them this time, and squeezing in the passenger seat. Not replying because it didn’t matter anyway. He had been clear, she meant nothing to him, so what was the point of building up castles that were going to fall?

“Why are you not taking me home?” she asked when she realized he was driving in another direction.

“I know nobody’s home, don’t want to leave you alone,” he explained, coming to a stop at a streetlight, facing her and smiling… his sweet smile? The kind of smile he never, ever directed at her?

“I’m an adult, I can stay home alone,” she replied anyway. She needed to push him away, she couldn’t keep falling for his game, no matter how sweet he appeared to be. It probably was fake, just so he could brag with Jaemin about how much of a gentleman he was and didn’t let his little sister all alone in the middle of a storm.

“You wanted my company so badly the other day, why is it different now?” He grinned, before moving his hand on the shift to start the car again and sprint toward his place.

“We won’t fuck tonight.”

“Never said we had to,” he replied.

“Then why do you want me at your place?”

He shrugged, pulling into his driveway. “Are you sure you’re the only one that can’t live without the other?”

She stood there, frozen on the spot, brain struggling to register his words and to comprehend if what she understood was what he meant. He liked her too? He wanted to spend time with her?

“Wait,” she said, opening the door and running outside. Trying to don’t get wetter under the rain, reaching him under the porch while he struggled with the keys to open the do. “You find me annoying, you said you don’t want to spend time with me, you avoided me for so long, why do you do this?”

Jeno sighed, throwing his jacket somewhere and getting out of his shoes as soon as they stepped in. “Undress.”

“What! You said we weren’t going to have sex.”

“It’s to give you new clothes, dummy,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “Follow me,” he said, walking to his room, a path she knew too well by now, and yet her breathe faltered just like the first time she found herself there. And it didn’t matter that nothing was going to happen, it was the thrill of being so intimate with him somehow.

“You didn’t answer,” she complained while he looked for something to give her in his closet. He turned around, a white shirt in hand, giving it to her that was now only covered with her panties and bra.

“I find you annoying but maybe I like it,” he replied. “You look interesting under the surface.”

She didn’t want to smile so big but her lips moved automatically, a dumb smile creeping on her face, eyes glistening.

“Calm, now,” he warned as soon as he saw her reaction. “This doesn’t mean we are dating, but I wouldn’t mind spending time with you. And now get dressed, before I don’t keep up with the promise of before.”

The heat of the house made them find comfort from the cold outside while they eat something while the television was turned on mostly to fill the silence between them.

“Don’t you think it’s weird?” She asked while cleaning her lips from the soy sauce that dripped on her mouth.

“What?”

“Everything,” she said. “We’ve known each other for so long but… we don’t really know anything about us.”

“You don’t?” He quirked a brow, licking his lips before placing down the empty bowl. “You think Jaemin didn’t tell me about all the questions you used to ask?”

Her cheeks heated up, cursing lowly at her brother for not being able to keep a secret. “Okay, fine, but he’s not you. I don’t know it from you.”

“Maybe you should tell me something about you. I think I can read you easily but not enough to get somewhere,” he said. “And you want to get somewhere, right?”

She hummed and then took a deep breath before opening up. Talking over and over again, letting him know even the most irrelevant things about her. Letting him go deeper than anybody else, not even caring if something was embarrassing. She trusted him.

And Jeno listened, finding out that yes, she was a lot, but maybe it wasn’t so annoying. And the more he knew about her, the better.

And then he started speaking. But his words were calculated, just like the stories he was telling. He knew what he was saying, he knew what he was doing. He was giving her a piece of himself without actually giving her anything. Without letting her slip deep under his skin. Yet for her it was enough, no, for her it was everything. She had never seen him so open, had never seen his body so relaxed beside hers, no walls were diving them right there. And that, mixed with all the sweet tempting words from before, made her fall into a vortex from which she would never get out.

Jeno had trapped her in his golden cage, but she did not know it yet, and probably, she would’ve never realized that.

“Why are you so happy?” Jaemin asked his sister, staring at her with a disgusted expression on his face. She had been hopping instead of walking for days, always had a smile on her face, and strangely she wasn’t clingy, always locked in her room, only God knows doing what.

“Why do you care? Shouldn’t you be happy that your sister’s happy?” She asked back, pouting before grabbing something to eat and running upstairs again, hiding from her brother’s questions.

Jeno had kissed her.

After talking for hours, after being so close and at the same time so far away, Jeno leaned close to her and kissed her. This time for real. A slow, sweet kiss. A kiss that she had well imprinted in her mind.

But not only that. His hands had touched her skin, trembling, and full of shivers. His long, slender fingers had trailed over her thighs, and then over her hip and held her close to him. And if she closed her eyes she could still relive all those emotions, from his scent to his eyes that had never been so real and close to her before.

Also, they had slept together. She, Jaemin’s delusional sister who had fantasized so much and for so long about ending up in his arms, had slept in Jeno’s bed.

And not like the other girls he let pass in his bed before, asleep in a tangle of sheets and sweat and cum. No, they slept in fresh, clean sheets, with his arms around her waist and his breath hitting the back of her neck. And although in the morning when she had woken up, he was not there, that was enough.

Because Jeno was in the kitchen preparing breakfast and bidding her good morning with a smile on his face that tasted like something new, something genuine. Big brown eyes creasing up in half-moons and cheeks lifting up.

Though… there was a but.

‘You can’t tell anyone about this.’ He had told her as he drove her home, serious gaze facing the road, one hand gripping the steering wheel and the other caressing her thigh. ‘It’s our little secret. You know how to keep secrets, don’t you?’

And she nodded, confident that she could do it. That if she had kept her crush on him a secret for so long, she surely could keep their ... relationship a secret? Or friendship? Or friends with benefits? She had no idea, she didn’t know what bound them together, she didn’t even know if there was actually anything that tied them together. But it didn’t matter, if it wasn’t now, it would be in a few months. It was only a matter of time. Jeno wanted to get to know her, Jeno wanted her to be a part of his life as much as she wished he was a part of hers.

‘hey, it’s me. are you free this friday?’

She blinked twice, shifting her attention from her pc to the phone beside it, trying to understand why an unknown number was texting her until she opened the message and ‘– jeno’ appeared at the end.

‘how did you get my number?’

‘i have my ways 😉 anyway, for friday? i need to buy some things for my place, it’s too empty, thought you could help’

She breathed deeply, looking around only to waste time and not answer right away just to don’t look desperate. As if she didn’t already answer ‘yes’ in her mind even before she knew what they were going to do, as if she wouldn’t have always been available for him.

‘yep, fine by me. where do we meet?’ She replied after a few minutes, hands sweating and heart throbbing harder in her ribcage.

‘my place, i’ll drive.’

And that wasn’t a date, surely not a date like she always imagined but it was something. It was nice not hearing him huff annoyed at her every word, or seeing that he didn’t move away from her with a disgusted face when their hands brushed together casually. He even laughed at her unfunny jokes.

“Our parents were never home,” she said. After buying everything, he offered to buy her a milkshake in a small coffee shop at the mall, so now they were sitting at a table in front of each other. “I mean, even when they were, they never paid much attention to us.”

“That’s why I was always there,” Jeno chuckled. “Your mother couldn’t see the mess me and Nana made.”

She smiled, lifting her gaze on him, but still stirring the liquid in her glass. “I wanted to move out of there so many times, but my job barely makes me afford my car bills and the few hobbies I have. How did you do it?”

“Well, it’s not fair when your dad pays half of it, right?”

“Your parents are cool. I remember when they used to bring you and Jaem to the amusement park. I never went there.”

“Never? Not even once?” He asked, surprised.

“Nope,” she confessed, biting her lower lip, already embarrassed at what she was about to say. “I always wanted to win a bunny from the water gun game,” she confessed. “You won it to Jaemin once. I was so jealous of that plushie.”

He smiled. “Well, I might win one just for you.”

Her eyes lit up, locking into his, heart doing cart-wheels in her chest. “You would?”

He hummed, hand under his chin, rubbing it lightly, “Why not? Next Saturday? How’s that sound?”

“It sounds amazing,” she squealed. “I love you so much.”

He smiled, looking at her, feeling a bit of warmth spread in his chest. Maybe she was nice. Maybe betting on her wasn’t the right way to start this.

When Saturday night arrived, she was vibrating with excitement. Wearing a red top, a leather black jacket and black shorts, she grabbed her small bag and rushed outside, swiftly warning her parents and Jaemin that she was going out with her friend and she wasn’t sure she was coming back. Receiving no answer.

But she didn’t care, she couldn’t care if at home nobody paid her attention. She had a date with Lee Jeno. Jeno was taking her to an amusement park for the first time and he would’ve even tried to win her a big, soft bunny she desired so much. So not even the bus ride – that she usually hated – to his place bothered her at all.

“Hi,” she greeted shily when she walked into the driveway and saw him leaning against his car. Black jeans wrapping around his legs, black shirt covering his chest and red jacket shielding him from the light breeze of the night.

“Hi, bunny. We’re matching,” he pointed out, dragging his eyes on her body and then smiling when their eyes met.

“Yeah, we didn’t even plan it,” she replied, a shy smile widening her lips as she opened the car door and stepped inside.

The car ride felt different from the others. The atmosphere was light while music played on the radio and they hummed along. There were no side-eyeing or annoyed sighs coming out of his lips like it used to happen when he was forced to bring her along because they couldn’t leave Jaemin’s sister alone. Now, Jeno glimpsed at her, diverting his attention from the street, with his lips curling in a warm smile.

And even the whole date at the amusement park was different from all the other times they hung out together.

It was like being around a different Jeno. He was carefree, laughing at her bad puns. He was kind, always paying for the rides tickets, drinks and food or wrapping a hand around her shoulders when they tried scarier attractions and she was afraid. And he looked beautiful, more than usual. There was something magnetic in the way his black hair framed his face, and his lips curled in soft smiles, making his eyes crinkle up too. He radiated a new sense of safeness. And she knew for sure that she was falling deeper.

“Now that we tried everything there’s only one thing missing,” Jeno said, dragging her toward the biggest attraction.

“The Ferris wheel?” she asked, tilting her head to look at him, fighting back the urge to intertwine their hands together. Jeno had been rather touchy the whole night, but she didn’t want to cross lines and ruin the amazing night they had.

“Yeah, are you scared?” He asked, waiting in line. “You have me by your side,” he said and then leaned in, whispering next to her ear, “and when you’re with me, you have nothing to worry about.”

She hummed, torturing her lower lip and shifting closer to him, and, unexpectedly, he wrapped his arm around her waist, and she had no idea how her knees didn’t fail her and make her fall to the ground. She didn’t even know how she didn’t pass out for the whole queue since his fingers kept caressing her skin.

“We should be able to see the whole city when we get up there,” Jeno commented, looking around waiting for the wheel to start moving now that they were inside of a cabin, sitting next to each other.

“Yeah, I guess,” she hummed, legs buckling in nervousness, and squeezing in her arms to avoid attaching to him like a koala on a tree.

Jeno picked it up quickly and turned to her with a furrow. “Are you afraid of heights for real?”

“M-me?” She giggled awkwardly. “No, haha.”

“You are shaking like a leaf,” he pointed out, hand resting on her thigh to stop – at least – one of her legs from shaking.

“I’m fine,” she replied, taking a deep breath, trying to focus on anything but the way the ride was moving and how – in fact – Seoul was shining beneath them. “What was that?” She asked, panicking when they felt a jolt and the cabin stopped at the higher spot.

“I think it stopped,” Jeno replied. “A planned stop… I guess.”

“Planned? Or maybe the wheel broke, and we will fall, no, no, we will crash on the ground and you know there are no chances of surviving and this will be how we die? What will we tell my family, they don’t know about us, they think –”

He kissed her, hands cupping her cheeks and pushing her close, air cutting short in her lungs not from fear but the chills that he was making run down her spine. “It’s alright,” he whispered, slightly pulling away. “I told you, you have me.”

She looked at him not totally convinced because if the cabin fell, having him by her side wasn’t going to save her. Surely, it would’ve made her death sweeter, oddly, and tragically romantic but it was still death.

“I’m sure it’s just to show the view,” he explained, kissing her again, and again, and then his lips moved down, kissing away the chills on her exposed neck. “But since you don’t like the view…” he whispered, cupping her right boob, squeezing just enough to make her roll her head back. “I can give you something to keep you distracted. What do you think?”

“Yeah,” she moaned, “I’d like that.” She unconsciously parted her legs, not a single cross about being in public crossing her mind.

“Great,” he smiled, biting the skin of her collarbone, “feared you were going to turn down the offer.” His hands slipped down, cupping her mound and he grinned when her hips started grinding against his palm. “Oh, oh, keep doing it, keep grinding on me. It feels good, doesn’t it? The seam of the jeans pressed against your clit by my hand makes you go crazy, isn’t that right?”

“Yeah,” she breathed out, opening her eyes to look into his.

“You know, I thought you should’ve worn a skirt for practical reasons but this – shit,” he whispered when her moans got lower and deeper, “this is even better.”

“I need you,” she whimpered, hands moving to try to touch him.

“I know you do,” he cooed, “you’ve tried so hard to hold back all this time, the whole night trying to keep your hands to yourself because you just can’t help yourself, can you? Want to feel me,” he said, pressing harder against her covered pussy as she kept grinding against him, “no, no you need to feel me.”

“Yes, please,” she whimpered, leaning closer to him, making their lips meet again in small kisses.

“Can you do something for me?” She stopped moving for a second, confused by his request, but nodded. “Come in your panties like this,” he started explaining, tapping her hips to make her start moving again, “and then I’ll give you what you want.”

And she did, even if it felt humiliating to come like that, grinding against his palm as if she was desperate, making a mess in her already drenched panties and barely holding back the moans. But it was all worth it when he smiled against her lips and whispered, “good girl, you are my good girl. Learning so fast, aren’t you? Making me so proud of you.”

“Come here,” Jeno said, unbuttoning his jeans and freeing his cock. “Take your shorts and panties off.”

“He-here?” She mumbled, panic running behind her open eyes. The cabin next to theirs couldn’t see them, the black windows shielding each crib hid them well, but it was such an exposed place anyway.

“You heard me. Want to make you try something new. Come on, take them off and sit on my lap,” he ordered and she followed his instruction, trying to hide the stained black panties in her shorts as if he couldn’t feel the mess of her cunt as soon as she sat on his lap.

“You’re going to ride me, but I won’t get inside you.” Her face dropped, a bit because she couldn’t get how and because she just wanted to get there and finally have him, completely. But Jeno wanted to take it slow, he wanted to make her dance in the palm of his hand more, twirling around, following every single one of his words so well that he fell more and more every day.

“Spit on your hand,” he ordered. “Like that, and now wrap it around my cock. You want it to slide perfectly between your lips, right?” Not that it was needed since her wetness was already making his cock slip against her so easily, but he loved seeing how much she obeyed him with no hesitation. He loved seeing that she would’ve done anything for him.

She nodded, doing as he told, eyes glistening because he was already so hard and it was all because of her, for her.

“Don’t,” he stopped her when he could feel her trying to tease his cockhead against her entrance, “no fucking, remember?”

“But why?” She huffed, pouting.

“I want to save it for a special occasion for my special girl,” he replied before placing his hands on her naked waist and guiding her hips on top of him. “Just grind on me, remember before? Like you did with my hand?” She nodded, hand wrapping around his neck and forehead falling against his. “Do it with my cock, just like that,” he praised, kissing her gently. “Feel how good it is? It’s big isn’t it?”

“Yeah, so big.”

“Imagine it inside of you, stretching so much more than my fingers. Remember my fingers? How you dripped all over them and came so easily?” She hummed, hips bucking in shame and legs shaking at the idea of feeling him inside. “No, it’s alright. I know you remember them. I bet you spend your nights using yours, imagining it was me. Your little fingers – fuck – making their way into your dripping cunt, fucking yourself hard and yet…” he moaned, throwing his head back, “nothing can come close to me.”

“No – no. It doesn’t – mmph – feel just as good.”

“I know. But you need time, bunny. I can’t fuck you like this, in public, on a Ferris wheel. Not for our first time. Not when I’d leave you trembling and panting even more and you would have no strength to stand on your knees.”

She trembled in anticipation, pressing further down, making him groan.

“Fuck, you’re so good,” he said. “Need to feel you more. Lift your hips more.”

“Li-like this?” She asked, whining when she had to pull away from him to give him space to grab his cock and start to rub it up and down her wet pussy. “Oh, this is, mmh, this is weird,” she mumbled, voice breaking a bit more every time that his tip pressed over her opening but never pushed in.

“But it feels good, right? We need to come fast; it will start moving soon again, remember? You don’t want the operator to find you like this, right?”

“No, no, I – that’s humiliating.”

“I know, baby. I would never make someone humiliate you. So I need you to stay like this, don’t try to slide down on me and let me rub my cock against your pretty pussy, okay?”

“Ye – yes,” she moaned.

Jeno moaned, rolling his head back, when he started to rub his head faster against her dripping cunt and clit, the cabin filling with wet sounds and moans they couldn’t hold back anymore, not even caring if there was somebody next to them.

“It’s good,” she whimpered, nails digging behind him, ripping the leather protection of the seats. “I’m – I’m close,” she breathed out, voice pitched and pussy clenching around nothing when another jolt shook the wheel and it started moving again.

“Me too, bunny. Can you come with me?”

“Yes, yes, please, faster,” she moaned, throwing her head back when he started doing that. Jeno had no idea how he was fighting back the urge to just penetrate her right there and then with no warning, slipping past her warm walls and filling her up, fucking her hard until she was nothing but a mess. And that thought made him grit his teeth and kiss her, cum spilling all over her cunt, triggering her orgasm too at the sensation of the warm liquid making a mess on her. She had never done that with her ex-boyfriend. And this orgasm was stronger than the rest, it left her shaking, whimpering, and panting in shame, in pleasure, in whatever drug Jeno was making her take every day that passed. It was becoming more and more of an addiction, yet, she didn’t seem to get enough.

“Fuck,” he moaned, laughing lowly, trying to catch his breath. “That was intense,” he said, smiling at her, “grab your clothes and put them on if you don’t want the whole park to see you like this, though,” he teased, handing her the discarded panties and shorts. “It would be a beautiful view,” he said, watching as she tried to stand on her wobbly legs and get back into her clothes, “but I’m pretty jealous of it.”

And another flush of heat rushed up her body, forcing her to lower her head.

When the attraction came to a stop they barely looked decent, but they couldn’t care.

“Are – are you still trying to win the bunny for me?” she asked, head lowered as the realization of what just happened hit her, and it was clear as the sky how experienced and used to this he was by how he was walking as if nothing happened, as if he didn’t just come all of her pussy and then made her push her clothes back on, walking around in that mess. And the worst of it all was that she liked it, she liked that he left a mark on her somehow, that something of him was still on her skin.

Jeno chuckled, almost as if he knew exactly what was running in her mind, finding it appealing how she would let go for a second just to go back to her usual serious and shy self in the blink of an eye. “We came here for that, right?”

He had promised her. And he kept his promises. Just like he kept his bets. But the more he looked at her, the more time he spent with her, the more he couldn’t see a clear line between the bet and reality. He knew he liked the thrill, he knew he liked the desperation, but he wondered if maybe, just maybe, he was starting to like her.

Because when they reached the stuffed toys booth, it didn’t bother him that he had to pay to try to hit the target to win her that toy. He didn’t even find her supportive cheers annoying. He didn’t even mind that she kissed him as soon as – with a clear shot – he hit the target and made it fall after ten seconds of the game, winning her that so-awaited white bunny with big eyes and pink ears.

“You’re so good at this,” she exclaimed, clapping her hands and jumping on the spot, waiting for the operator to hand him the toy.

“I had the greatest support ever,” he smiled, handing her the plushie, smiling as she brought it close to her chest and hugged it tightly. A dream of a child coming reality after so many years.

“Do you like it?” He asked even if he knew the answer.

“I love it,” she replied. “Thank you for winning it for me and thank you for bringing me here,” she whispered.

“No worries, I had fun,” he replied, reaching for her hand. “Should we head home? My place? How’s that sound?”

“Amazing,” she replied, smiling from ear to ear, intertwining their hands, and walking to the car.

She was still smiling, hiding her face behind the plushie for happiness and shame as she felt his cum drip slowly out of her.

And Jeno was smiling too, thinking that if she finally had gotten his bunny, he had gotten his, too.

“He’s your bunny,” he whispered close to her, “but you are mine.”

“Your fridge is always empty,” she huffed, closing the grey door and huffing at her boyfriend that was sitting on a chair, scrolling through his phone. “How do you survive like this? How do you survive without me doing everything for you?” She asked, crossing her arms on her chest and glaring at him.

Jeno chuckled, placing the phone down and standing up, reaching her, wrapping his arms around her. “I know, bunny. I’m sorry. I promise next time I’ll make you find the fridge full.”

She rolled her eyes, and pushed him away, “you know it’s a lie. You say it every time and then we would always starve if it was for you.”

“Oh, come here,” he pouted, grabbing her wrist and pulling her against his chest again. “That’s better,” he smiled, snuggling their noses together, making her laugh. “See, you can’t be mad at me.”

“No, I can’t.”

She really couldn’t. Especially now that they were dating for almost a month. Even if she knew so many flaws he had, she grew to love them all. She couldn’t even hate how it had to be a secret because she still had him and that was all that mattered. Actually, she enjoyed that it was a secret.

After a few weeks of sneaking around with Jeno going to her place to see his brother and having to sneak in her room or in the bathroom for a few kisses and heated make-out sessions, this was so much better. She spent most of the time at his place, telling her family she was at her friend’s house or at the library, it wasn’t like they cared anyway. And Jeno never made Jaemin come over when his sister was at home. So everything was working out smoothly.

This was great. It was the illusion of living together, but she hoped that soon it would’ve turned into something real. Their story was getting rather serious, in a way she never expected.

She brought some of her things to his place so she had no problems when she stayed over. They did many things together like grocery or buying things when something broke. Jeno always found time to have at least a Saturday or Sunday evening for them to go out to restaurants, and when he couldn’t, they usually went to other types of dates in the afternoon. They even bought a matching bracelet – that Jaemin didn’t notice because he paid her even less attention now.

“You’re not picking a movie, anymore,” Jeno said, chuckling, stealing the remote from her hands and making her whine.

“Oh, please,” she huffed, “for one bad movie.”

“One is enough,” he replied, leaving a peck on her forehead, making her squirm and snuggle close to him on the couch.

But even after he picked one, they didn’t pay the movie much attention because they were too busy kissing each other. She sat on his lap, fingers in his hair while his hands cupped her ass and pushed her closer to his body. And this happened almost every time, they just couldn’t keep their hands off each other, but they never did more than that. Jeno wanted to wait for a special occasion.

And that occasion arrived. One night, Jeno brought her to a restaurant out of town; a fancy place she had never been to before.

“You picked such a beautiful place,” she said while they waited for the second course, and she looked around still amazed. That wasn’t the kind of place she used to go, and they never even went together to a similar restaurant. Experimental cuisine, beautiful, elegant design, and classical music playing in the background.

“I’d do this and more for you,” he replied, caressing her hand on the table. “And, talking about doing things together. My parents have a house out of town and they don’t use it, thought we could go there together.”

“You mean just us or with your group of friends?”

“Just us. So we can spend some time alone, no need to worry about your brother, about anything.”

She hummed, “Yeah, I’d love to.”

“Great, you can come up with a lie, right?”

“Of course, I can,” she replied. “But, can I ask why Jaemin doesn’t have to know about us?”

“You know him, he would ever let me close to you,” he replied, shrugging.

“But you’re his dearest friend. You are like a brother to him. I think he trusts you.”

“It’s not about trust,” he said. “It’s weird. And yeah... he knows too much about me to don’t want me near you.”

“Like? Are you trying to scare me away on our date?”

“No, no,” he stopped her right away. “But I’ve been a player most of my life, and as much as he can't stand you he wouldn’t want me to break your heart.”

“So... as long as he doesn’t know you can break it?”

“As long as he doesn’t know I can love you without him reminding me of my past,” he explained. “Hey, I love you. More than I ever loved anybody else, so can you please don’t let my past define me?”

She gulped, looking into his eyes and finding the truth. “Yeah, sorry, I’m just a little paranoid because... because nobody ever went this far with me.”

“I know,” he replied, smiling, “that’s why I wanted to take it slow, that’s why I don’t want to rush us.”

“Can we go back to your place?” She asked once they were in the car, the rest of the night proceeded smoothly as their conversation never drifted to her family again and they left the past right where it was. “I don’t want to go home.”

“I wasn’t planning on making you go home anyway,” he said, smirking. “I have a small surprise at home.”

“A surprise? Is that another bunny?”

“Better.”

But when they arrived home there was nothing, not physical, at least, and she looked at him with a furrow. “There’s nothing here.”

“Mhh, it’s something you had next to you all night,” he sang, walking close to her, wrapping his hands around her waist and moving her hair to the side, leaving a trail of kisses on her neck.

She chuckled, “is it you?”

He hummed, making her twirl in his hold. “Do you want me, bunny?”

“Don’t I have you already?”

“Yeah, but I think you still want more, don’t you?” He asked lifting her up in his arms, waiting for her to wrap her legs around his waist and start to walk upstairs. “I can’t take your disappointed face every time we don’t go all the way.”

“You make me sound desperate,” she chuckled, hiding her face in the crook of his neck.

“Because you are,” he replied, opening his bedroom door and laying her on the bed. And he was right because she didn’t waste time kissing him and moving her hands on his body to free him of his clothes.

“Gonna make you feel good,” he whispered once they were naked, lips closing around her nipple, sucking and twisting, making her push her body closer to his. “So good, bunny. Like nobody else ever made you feel.” His mouth moved down, tracing kisses all over her abdomen and then over her mound before lapping at her clit, making her whimper and squirm under his kisses and licks.

“No, shh, don’t move,” he whispered, pulling away from her slit. “Let me take care of you, bunny. I know he never did. But I’m not him, I’m not like anybody else.” His lips started moving on her again, sucking on her clit hard and then teasing her entrance, tasting her, feeling lightweight as his hands kept her legs spread open, fingers digging in the soft flesh of her thighs.

“Uh,” she cried, head thrown back, eyes squeezed closed and lips gasping for air. “It’s – it’s so good.”

He smirked against her skin, chin getting wetter with the slick that was streaming out of her as his tongue and lips moved faster on her, bringing her to the climax sooner than she wanted.

But even if she loved the feeling of his lips, she needed more.

“Jeno,” she mewled when he pulled away, licking his lips and cleaning his chin with the back of his hand. “Ne-need you,” she stuttered, looking into his eyes, filled with lust and need. “Please, need to feel you.”

Jeno kissed her, one hand at the side of her head keeping his body up and the other stroking his hard, thick cock.

“Gonna make you mine,” he groaned, aligning his length at her entrance and pushing into her, nails digging into his back as the never felt before stretch cut her breath.

“Fuck,” she cried, searching for his lips, chest panting as she tried to calm down, “you’re... you’re too big.”

“No, bunny,” he reassured, caressing her cheek, hips backing away before sinking in again, “you can take me. You can take everything I give to you.”

She nodded, legs falling limper as her body trembled in his hold.

“So good for me, bunny,” he praised, the veins of his neck popping out as he tried to hold in the moans.

“Want to – want to hear you,” she mumbled, cupping his face. “Please, want to know I’m – fuck – making you feel – aah – good.”

And Jeno let go, groans and low moans rolling out of his parted lips as he started thrusting into her faster, making her get even wetter as she felt him reach deeper inside of her.

“You make me feel so good, baby,” he hummed, throwing his head back when her walls clenched harder around him and he knew it was just a matter of minutes. He couldn’t hold it anymore. They were made for each other. Fitting so perfectly that he felt good like never before. Nobody could come close to this, to her.

“Fa-faster,” she barely breathed out, eyes half-lidded and lungs gasping for air.

“Faster?” He smirked, tilting his head, staring at her face, getting high in the way she was whimpering so nicely every time he pushed back and forth. “Can you take me, bunny?”

“Yes,” she screamed. “Need – need to feel you more.” She had no idea how it could’ve been possible, or exactly what more did she need from him. But she needed him. She needed him to get under her, and she needed to get under him. Tattooing each other under their skins.

And Jeno gave it to her. Going faster, pulling her legs closer to him, leaning down to cage her completely making her feel small and safe. He was always going to give her everything and more. Everything that would’ve been enough to never make her want to leave. Because she was his, and he was hers. And they belonged together.

“Je-Jeno,” she cried, feeling her stomach tighten up, silently warning him that she was close.

“I’m close, too,” he said through gritted teeth. “Your pussy’s so good, fuck. You are too good. Come for me, bunny. Come with me.”

And her body obeyed, squirming under him, hips bucking while her eyes rolled into the back of her head and another orgasm washed over.

“Yes, just like that,” Jeno groaned, watching her face contort and shooting his cum into her, hips slamming messily against her ass while his hand gripped her waist harder to keep her in place.

“Fuck,” he muttered, pulling out of her and rolling at her side. “So, was it worth the wait?”

She smiled, turning to him. “You are always worth the wait.”

Jeno was... caring. Too apprehensive at times. Not that she minded all the attention but she sometimes wondered if he did too much. He insisted on picking her up when she came out of work. He always dropped her by when she went out with her friends alone. He drove her everywhere, saying that it was safer because ‘you may never know who you meet on the metro or the bus.’

But the weird thing was that one minute he was all over her, never taking his eyes off of her even for a split second, and then he was nowhere to be found, or he even got mad at her, reminding her to don’t be too touchy because nobody had to know.

Just like right now. He invited her to Haechan’s party but didn’t spare her a single glance all night but she had no intention of rotting on a sofa seat just to get back home after wasting an entire evening.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jeno snapped, glaring at Haechan pushing him off of her.

“Hey, man,” the brown-haired replied with a smug smirk on his face, “we were dancing. Had no idea you cared about her so much?” He grinned.

“Take that grin out of your face if you don’t want me to wipe it off with a punch,” he warned, glaring at him before grabbing her wrist and dragging her out of the living room, walking upstairs not even caring that she was hardly following his steps.

“Jeno wait!”

“Shut up!” He screamed, pushing her inside an empty room and locking it behind them with the key, stuffing it inside his pocket. “What the fuck were you thinking, uh?”

“W-what?” She asked, chest panting for running and because she didn’t expect him to react like that.

“Stop with that fucking act of the innocent girl,” he barked, cupping her cheek with a hand and pushing her close to the nearest wall, pressing her against it with his body. “I was right when I said you would’ve crawled to every single friend of your brother. You’re such a slut.”

“What? Don’t call me that! You know it’s not true,” she retorted, voice shaking with fear. She had never seen him like this and she couldn’t even get why he was so mad. She and Haechan were only dancing, and nobody could know that they were dating, so it wasn’t like she had a choice.

“Oh, it’s not true?” He cooed, squeezing her face tighter. “Then why were you grinding on him?"

“I - I wasn’t,” she whispered as tears started flowing on her face.

“Oh, nice,” he sighed, shaking his head, and letting go of her face, placing his hand beside her head against the wall, “now you’re going to cry. You were all over another man and you cry.”

“You know it’s only you. I’d never leave you,” she replied, lips quivering as she looked into his eyes and found them filled with darkness. “It was… it was the heat of the moment, he asked me to dance and you weren’t there and you said to keep our distances.”

“Yeah, but I think you need a reminder of who you belong to,” he said, flipping her over. "Need to put into your little dumb brain that I’m the only one.”

She nodded, shivering when his hands slipped under the dress, and she shouldn’t have felt so turned on because he was finally paying her attention, because he was showing he wanted her and nobody could come close to her. But she was. It was fucked up, and yet, her knees were buckling already under his touch.

“Need you to remember that even when I’m not by your side you’re mine and mine only. This body,” he said, running his hands on her thighs and waist and then squeezing her boobs, making her groan, “is mine. You are mine. Say it,” he ordered.

“I’m yours, always yours.”

“That’s better,” he replied, voice still stern, and hands slipping inside her laced panties. “Oh, wet already? You want me to be mean to you, don’t you?”

“No, I – I’m sorry.”

“I know you are,” he said, "but don’t lie to me. You’re either dripping because of him, which will make me very mad. Or...” He leaned closer, “you are a little slut that gets off to these things.”

She whimpered, feeling her knees buckle. “Don't call me like that.”

“No? You want me to call you bunny, right? Want to be my little bunny?”

She nodded, biting her lower lip when his fingers started moving on her clit.

“To be my bunny you have to be good. And right now, you’re not. Prove to me you can be my good little bunny and not some cheap slut that lets all her brother’s friends pass her around, okay?”

“Yeah, I will prove it to you,” she said, trying to turn around but Jeno grabbed her wrists and blocked them together behind her back.

“You’re not moving from here,” he ordered. “And be thankful I brought you here and not in the bathroom. Come here, on the desk,” he ordered, guiding her to walk over to the white desk at the side of the room.

“Is – is this his bedroom?” She asked, looking around, seeing it was too decorated to be a guest room.

“Yeah, is that a problem? Don’t you want to leave him a little gift of something he will never have?”

“Je – Jeno you don’t need to be jealous, I-”

“Shut up,” he groaned, ripping her panties and spreading her legs more. “You think you know him more than I do? You think I don’t know what he looks like when he wants to fuck someone?”

She rolled her head back when he slipped one finger into her. “I wouldn’t have – fuck – I wouldn’t have let him.”

Jeno snickered bitterly. “I’m not sure about it,” he replied, kissing her roughly and pushing another finger inside. “Your ass was pressing so much against his cock. Think I didn’t see it? Think I’m stupid? He was hard, wasn’t he? And you loved it,” he mocked, adding a third finger making her moan louder. “Because you love attention, you live for attention. You seek it. You crawled to me because you needed attention so how can I trust you? Tell me? How can I trust you with other men?”

“I – I would never cheat on you,” she replied, trying to steady her breath and keep up with him instead of getting lost in the way his fingers made her feel. “If I could – fuck – dance with you in public, I – I would, I would only – fuck – do it with you.”

“So you’re going to do it again just because I’m not by your side? Just because I don’t carry you around with a leash like a fucking dog?” He replied, stilling his fingers inside of her and tilting his head to the side.

“That’s not what I meant,” she replied, trying to close her legs but he stopped her in her tracks lifting a finger and pushing her hips down against the desk. “Jeno, please,” she begged. “I won’t go to parties anymore, okay? I can stay at home, I never liked them anyway.”

“And you think that’s enough?” He asked, picking up the movements inside her, making her breath shake and her nails dig in his arms.

“Then what more can I do for you?” She asked, tears flowing down her cheeks, feeling overwhelmed with emotions. Disappointing him was the last thing she wanted to do.

“Don’t fucking cry,” he growled, leaning closer to her but pulling his fingers out of her. “I hate it when you cry. I hate when you do dumb things first without thinking about the consequences and then do this, play the victim.”

“I just – I don’t want to upset you or hurt you. I don’t like fighting with you.”

“Then use your brain?” He said, tapping his fingers on her mouth and pushing them down her throat. “The only time you’re not supposed to think about a thing is when I’m fucking you, got it?”

She nodded, trying to kiss him back when he pulled his fingers out. “Can you forgive me? I’m sorry.”

“Maybe, I’ll forgive you if you don’t disappoint me another time,” he said, letting go of her face. “Are you going to be a good girl?”

“Yes, yes, I’ll be your good girl,” she replied, moving toward the edge of the desk to feel him more.

“Then bend over,” he ordered, waiting for her to follow his orders. “See, you can be good when you want to.”

She was about to reply but then pursed her lips together, not wanting to get him mad even more. If she liked it when he got rougher, she still didn’t want to fight or make him truly upset.

“This ass,” he said, hand slapping her ass cheek hard, making her jolt, “is mine. Got it?”

“Ye-yes.”

“This pussy,” another slap, but this time on her pussy, “is mine.”

“Yours.”

“And you,” another smack on her other ass cheek, “are mine.”

“Yours. I’m all yours,” she whimpered, feeling her skin burn.

“Now be a good girl,” he said, rubbing the skin of her ass, “and part your legs more.”

“I wanted to fuck your mouth but I need to feel you, need to fuck you hard and make you walk out of here with – fuck,” he groaned, pushing inside of her wet cunt, “make you walk out of here with shaky legs and my cum dripping out of you.”

Her nails scraped against the hard wood under her, head rolling back at the stretch of his cock.

“Yeah, you like that? That was what you wanted, shit,” he moaned, “Wanted me to pay you attention so you got on my nerves to get this. You want me to be rough with you, don’t you?” He asked. “Answer me,” he groaned, pulling her flush against his chest and leaving a light tap against her cheek.

“Yes, fuck, yes.”

“But if you – fuck – want me to be rough with you, you just have to fucking ask. But noo,” he cooed, a deep laugh rolling out of his chest. “It’s better to go around and act like a slut, isn’t it?”

“N-no,” she breathed out.

He snorted. “And you know, if I only didn’t care so much about you I’d let him fuck you. I’d love to see the – fuck – the disappointed look on your face," he said, wrapping a hand around her neck and squeezing it before kissing her hard. “Because he can’t fuck you like I do.”

“I – I know," she moaned, feeling her knees shake.

“Nobody can fuck you like I do,” he whispered against her ear. “Say it,” he ordered, “say that nobody, nobody, will ever make you feel as good as I do.”

She threw her head back, ass arching against him, pleasure making her feel dizzy as she struggled to make the words come out of her mouth. “No - nobody will ever make me – mmh – nobody will make me feel as good as you.”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“You feel good,” she moaned, head falling forward, not really sure she could last longer. “No,” she whined when he pulled out.

“Turn around,” he ordered. “Want you to look into my eyes while I break you.”

She stumbled on her heels, hardly turning around and sitting back on the desk and in a second Jeno was inside her again, thrusting into her mercilessly, knocking the breath out of her lungs.

“You make me so fucking mad,” he groaned, kissing her roughly. “I wanted to get home and – shit – fuck you gently all night and here we are,” he said, cupping her face, “we have a party to get back to and we look like a mess all because you never know when to stop.”

“Too much," she mumbled, looking into his eyes, hips shaking.

“No, you can take it, you wanted this and you will take this. I know you’re close, you’re – fuck – squeezing me.”

“Play with your clit,” he ordered. “And come for me while you look into my eyes.”

“Y-yes,” she replied, sliding her hand between their bodies and starting to move her fingers on her clit, wanting to roll her head back but forcing herself to keep it up and stare at him, feeling the orgasm come.

“Shit, yes,” Jeno moaned. “Just like that. Good girl, my good bunny,” he praised, kissing her. "Yeah, that was what you wanted. And keep bein’ my good bunny and come,” he ordered, giving one last thrust that pushed her over the edge.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she cried, locking her legs around his waist and digging the nails of the hand around his arm into his skin.

“God,” he groaned. “Mine. All mine.”

“Yeah,” she breathed out, meeting his lips in a soft kiss again, “I’m all yours.”

Jeno leaned his forehead against hers as they both caught their breaths and came down from the high. “I’m all you ever wanted," he whispered. “All your life you wanted me. And now you have me, bunny. You have me right here, so don’t you dare leave me.”

She wasn’t supposed to be there, eavesdropping a conversation about her that she wasn’t supposed to hear. But when she come back from work, she opened the front door and heard Jeno and his friends talk in the kitchen, surely Jaemin wasn’t there, or there was no way they would have that conversation. But she didn’t do it on purpose and she had no idea if it was better like this or living in a lie.

‘You didn’t win the bet, technically. It was two months and you started dating her after three.’ Haechan complained.

‘Yeah, but I got to her after one week, I think I win.’ Jeno replied and even if she couldn’t see his face, she knew there was a smug smirk on his face.

‘I mean, the bet involved both fucking with her and dating her so I think he’s right.’ Jisung chimed.

‘And as I told you she fell on my feet. She was literally begging for my attention so my point was proved.’ Jeno

She felt her eyes flood with tears and ran away with the intention to confront him at home. Receiving more humiliation in front of his friends was the last thing she wanted.

‘God, I hate you, man, Fine. Here’s the money.’

Jeno scoffed. ‘I don’t want the money,’ he replied. ‘I think I found a better prize.’

“Honey,” Jeno said, opening the door of his place. “I wasn’t expecting you to be home, why’s your car in the driveway?”

“Don’t call me honey,” she said, standing in front of him, crossing her arms in front of her chest and staring at him.

“Oh, what happened? We didn’t have a date, right?” He asked, trying to guess why she was mad. “And surely today is not your birthday.”

She took a step forward and slapped him, making him flinch and stare at her with a surprised expression.

“You are an asshole!” She screamed. “You played me for a fucking bet. You – you lied to me all these months! Five months of lies and games you played for some money. Is this all I am to you? A joke? A bar talk with your stupid friends? How much do they know about me? Did you have fun making fun of my innocence? Or was it funnier to laugh about how much I trusted you and let you do things I would’ve never done before?”

“Hey, hey,” he said, trying to reach for her but she pulled away, glaring at him, making him understand that if he dared to touch her she was going to slap him again. “You are not a joke for me. And they don’t know a single thing about you. I don’t want anybody else to know so much about you, to get so deep under your skin. Everything that we did, everything you told me, had been just between me and you.”

“I heard you,” she retorted. “I’m not dumb, I know what I heard. I heard how hard you were trying to convince them that you were right and you won! All your daddy’s money and you still need to win more by betting on me!”

“I didn’t want the money,” he explained, walking closer to her again. “Can you let me explain?”

“No, you’ve got nothing to explain. There’s nothing you can say that will,” she stopped, lowering her head and sniffling lowly, running the palm of her hand under her nose. “Nothing you can say will make you come out of this innocent,” she whispered, feeling new tears wet her face. This wasn’t supposed to end like this. She wanted him too much for this to end up so badly.

“Does it matter why I got closer to you? Do you really want a stupid bet to come between us?” He asked, trying to meet her eyes but her head was still reclined, facing the floor of his living room and her hair hid her face.

“It’s not a stupid bet. It’s me. It’s us,” she replied with her voice full of anger. “And I won’t let you get away with this. I will tell everything to Jaemin. I will tell him how his best friend, well friends, played his sister. I will tell him how you used me all this time and you will see,” she said, finding the courage to look up at him, but when she met his eyes she couldn’t find fear. Jeno was unfazed, staring at her with a faint grin on his face.

“Honey, do you hear yourself?” Jeno chuckled darkly, shaking his head. “Do you really think he would believe you? His annoying, pathetic little sister who drooled over me for ages. And careful, that is what he thinks about you.”

Her mouth hung open, not expecting him to say something like that. “I didn’t drool over you,” she retorted, trying to push in the back of her mind the fact that deep down not even Jaemin cared about her. That truly she was way lonelier than she thought.

“Shh, don’t cry,” he said, walking to her, caressing her cheek now that she let down her guard, shoulders dropping and heart crumbling into pieces. “You know you do. You wanted me so badly for all this time so… what’s different now?”

“You – you, this is all a game for you. You bet on me. You think nobody wants me.”

“Did I ever say that? No. But let’s be real, you’re 21 and nobody ever looked at you the way I did. All the things I did, I did them for you,” he replied, thumb brushing on her burning wet cheek. “I made you feel good, so why would you be mad at me? I never said I loved you when we started. I never told you that when I didn’t truly believe it.”

“But you knew I… you knew! You knew I would’ve done anything for you,” she screamed, shaking harder in his hold, feeling both comfort and coldness in it. She couldn’t wrap her head around it, how he was the main reason for her pain and yet the main reason for her comfort.

“And? I knew how dedicated you are, so what’s the problem?”

“I… I… you know it’s not fair,” she whispered, looking down again, not bearing to his face. His handsome, gentle face that fooled her for so long. “You know that’s one of the worst things you could ever do.”

“Is it?”

“Yes. And I’ll tell my brother and you will see. You won’t make me change my mind.”

Jeno grabbed her waist, pulling her close to him. “You won’t tell him anything. Do you really want to humiliate yourself? What are you going to do? Tell him that you crawled to me on your knees because you needed someone to teach you about sex? You remember right why it all started? Imagine how he would feel knowing that you go around asking all his friends to fuck you.”

Her eyes drifted on his face. “I don’t go around doing that,” she said, tears streaming down her face.

“Maybe…” he replied, wanting to bring up the way she was grinding on Haechan even if they were together, but deciding to don’t more fuel to the fire. “But if I would’ve said no, you would’ve. Isn’t this better for everybody? Your brother doesn’t know, and we still have each other.”

“I don’t want to have you,” she lied, meeting his eyes, scaring herself because how could he be so impassive? How could there not be a trace of emotions? Did he care or not?

“No? Now that you finally got me, you don’t want me anymore?”

“No – not like this,” she replied, trying to stop the sobs and don’t look even more like a mess. The mess he made. “You – you are a completely different person, you – you are not who I thought you were.”

“But I am me. You loved me all these months, and trust me, that was the real me. Why don’t you love me anymore? Why would you push me away, bunny?”

“Do-don’t call me bunny,” she said, glaring at him.

“But you love it so much, don’t you? Do you still have the bunny I won for you? Remember it? I can give you so much more than that.”

“I – I need you to love me, I don’t need this. I don’t need toys. I don’t need lies. You hurt me.”

“And I’m sorry, alright? I never lied to you when it came to us. I would’ve broke us off if I truly didn’t like you.”

“Yeah but I, I’m not sure I want you anymore,” she said, slipping out of his hold and grabbing her purse and jacket from the couch. “We – we need a break.”

And Jeno watched her go, opening the door of his house and closing it behind. He didn’t cry, he didn’t run after her, he didn’t try to stop her.

He knew she was going to come back to her.

Crawling, just like she did the first time.

She was lost. Everybody around her noticed that. Weird, she thought, that for once they were paying attention to her. But she couldn’t tell the truth, she shrugged their oppressions off, pretending that it was just life, work and lack of sleep.

And that wasn’t a total lie. She had spent sleepless nights up, Jeno’s ghost haunting her, pushing her closer and closer to the edge every night. Because if during the day she could pretend and try to distract herself, at night she couldn’t.

Jeno was everywhere. He was like her shadow, walking behind her, a cold wind blowing around her, covering her with shivers. He was imprinted on her body, his fingerprints burning up on her skin, leaving scars that weren’t physical, scars she couldn’t mend or sew. Scars he left open, bleeding, and poured with salt. Scars only he could heal. And only he could make.

And she didn’t know what to do. If it was better to go back to him, let him heal her pain and hope he wasn’t going to scar her again or leave immediately. Admit to herself that certain things just weren’t meant to happen and let him go, slowly, bleeding some more, but let him go.

And it took her two weeks to make up her mind and take the most painful decision of her life.

So when she found herself at his front door she felt every second pass, slowly, prolonging that torture more.

“Coming.” She could hear his muffled voice from the other side of the door and wanted to leave, not sure that after seeing his face she would’ve carried through. But she was there, and when she took the first step back, it was already too late. “Oh, you didn’t warn you were going to pass by,” he said, surprised of seeing her there.

She hummed, “No, it was a last-minute decision. Can I come in? Or are you already busy with somebody else?”

Jeno sighed but moved to the side. “I told you, I love you. I would never move on so easily.”

She shrugged, before turning around again. “Actually it won’t take long, so you can go back to what you were doing,” she said, making Jeno furrow.

She came back, but he already suspected she didn’t come back how he wanted.

“I thought about it a lot,” she started saying, fingers playing with a loose thread of her sweater but she was forcing herself to look at him. “I thought about us a lot and I realized I can’t do this. I can’t have you, not like this, not after everything.”

Jeno blinked repeatedly, shaking his head. “You want to break up with me?” He asked to make sure that was the point she was making.

“Yes,” she replied. “It pains me a lot but… I need to put me first. I am worthy unlike all of you think.”

Jeno hummed, rubbing his chin and wetting his lip. “You are, you sure are. But… you know nobody will make you feel as good as I made you feel, right?”

She didn’t answer. She feared nobody was going to make her feel what he made her feel, but that couldn’t be possible, right? There were so many people in the world, he couldn’t be the only one for her.

“Nobody will ever know you as deeply as I know you.”

No answer again, just broken eyes looking into each other.

“Do you really want to erase all of these years?”

She furrowed at his words, chuckling bitterly, “You never paid attention to me.”

“Are you sure? Just because I was looking at you from the sidelines, silently waiting for the moment to have you? We love in such a different way you think I don’t love you. How could you be so full of yourself thinking that your way of loving is the only right one?”

“I don’t think my way of loving is the only right one I… you… you never loved me,” she whispered, feeling her heart clench because she had to repeat it to herself every night and doing it again, reminding herself that he never loved her but only played her like a puppet on a string, brought her to her knees, and made her feel worthless. It proved once again that everybody was right, that she was nothing special, nothing more but a sideshow for everybody to buy a ticket and laugh at her goofiness and futility.

“Here you go, doing this again. Do I have to get on my knees to tell you I love you?” He asked, taking a step closer to her.

“No, there’s no –”

“No, I’ll do it,” he stopped her. “Here I am, on my knees for you.”

She clenched her fists and wanted to slap him again for missing the point so many times. “You bet on me!” She replied, screaming at his face.

“That’s so irrelevant,” he replied, keeping up with her angry gaze, not even flinching.

“No, it’s not. And you’re lucky I didn’t say a thing to Jaemin –”

“Shut up,” he stopped her, standing up once again, voice harsh before it turned sweet and caring again, “I thought we were clear about not telling anything to him, right?”

“No,” she fought back. “I won’t keep my mouth shut.”

Jeno rolled his eyes and stopped her, a hand around her cheek and another around her waist. “Now you stop and listen to me,” he groaned, “alright, darling?” She hummed, tears running down her face again, and hated the way the only thing her mind could think was how much she had missed the feeling of being in his arms.

“I’d never hurt you on purpose, I love you and it doesn’t matter if it took a bet to get it. I do. And I want you to put it in your mind. Please, let me show you how much I love you,” he whispered, kissing her neck, making her shiver and push him back. She couldn’t fall, not again, not now that his games were all revealed. “Shh, shh, don’t fight it. Don’t fight me,” he rasped. “Remember how you were always all over me? What changed now?”

“You are not who I fell in love with,” she managed to say, shivering and squirming under him, feeling that the power he had over her was once again making her walls fall down.

“Just let me prove it to you, let me prove you it’s always me, the only one you love so much. Because you love me, right?” He cooed, caressing her cheek, and wiping away the black rivers of mascara on her face. “I know you still love me. I know your heart cannot beat with me out of your life.”

She didn’t answer but only hummed, shivering when his hand reached the small of her back and pulled her closer. Tired, she felt tired. And once again, he was the only one keeping her up on her feet. He was the only one that didn’t let her fall. But she wondered if it was because he truly cared, or if he needed to control her. If this sense of comfort was also fake like everything else. But her mind couldn’t tell it, not now at least, and she only hoped that when she did, it wouldn’t have been too late.

“You don’t want me to leave you. You cannot live without me. Remember?” He whispered, caressing her face gently, reaching her hair, caressing her scalp, fingers moving in circles just like she liked, in the same way that would always make her fall asleep with her head on his lap, or against his shoulder. “You told me, whispered it to me while laying on my chest, fantasizing about our future together.”

“That – that was before…” she sniffled, trying to fight it off, trying to grasp onto what was left of sanity, screaming to the small part of her that wasn’t completely devoted to him to please wake her up and make her get out of there. But there was nothing left of her that wasn’t madly, deeply, and completely in love with him, lost for him, devoted, obsessed with the feelings he brought along. Nothing of her didn’t scream Jeno anymore. She was his. Every inch of her skin. Every cell of her blood. Every thought in her mind, about him.

And he knew it. Because he truly had her imprinted in the back of his mind. He had studied her for so long, silently, without making her notice. He knew exactly what she needed and how to give it to her. He knew how neglected she was and how she needed to be valued, loved, praised, and cherished. And he was going to do it. If she let him, he was going to give her everything and more.

“But I’m still here,” he smiled, and then he kissed her as his hands moved to gently cup her cheeks and kiss her lips. “See, there still are my lips on yours,” and then he moved down, “and on your neck… right here,” he sucked. “Right here, bunny, where it makes you shiver so much under me.” And her body trembled in his hold as if it was a command, something natural starting from her brain as soon as his lips moved, like a magic spell.

“Yeah, you know nobody else will know how much you love being kissed there,” he hummed, snuggling his nose against her skin. “Or touched here,” he said while his hand moved under her sweater and brushed against the skin of her hips.

“Jeno, we – you need to stop,” she shook her head, trying to stop him once again. To stop herself from falling into the wolf trap.

“Do I? Does your body want to?”

“I don’t care what my body wants. I know this is wrong.”

“How is this wrong?” He asked, pulling his hand out of her sweater, but still keeping the other on her cheek, caressing softly. “It’s us, bunny. It will always be us.”

She swallowed hard, trying to understand if he was lying or if he was being honest, but she couldn’t get it. She had never been good at reading him and he had played her so many times she had no idea if she could trust him. But what was he gaining from this? Why was he fighting so hard to keep her when he could’ve had anybody else? Why was he still trying to keep her with him if the bet was done? Sure, that was wrong, the worst thing he could’ve ever done but it was in the past. He grew to love her. He loved her. Lee Jeno loved her. And he was doing everything to prove it to her.

“Do you want it to be only us, bunny? I need to hear you say you want me to show you how much I love you.”

“Ye – yes,” she replied. “Want it to be only us.”

And she fell. She had thrown herself out from the tenth floor of a building with no parachute and didn’t even realize it yet, and by the time she would’ve opened her eyes and realized what she had done, it would’ve been too late, too close to the ground, too close to crushing down. Her fear of the Ferris wheel would’ve been her reality.

They were once again in an amusement park, going round and round, running after fantasies, marking each other, biting off pieces, bleeding. While the Ferris Wheel kept falling but from higher, much higher than where they were before, and death, even if by his side, wouldn’t have been sweeter and tragically romantic. And while meeting her tragic faith, the only thing she could hope for was to never open her eyes, to never realize the rose-colored glasses carnival Jeno locked her into, but to pretend, and pretend… and pretend until there was nothing left to do, until her sad destiny would’ve welcomed her and lulled her with the ideal of a love story that was only in her mind.

“I love you so much,” he kept whispering next to her ear while he had her body pressed under his, hands intertwined together over her head, chest pressed against her back, hips thrusting against hers, lips kissing the blades of her shoulders, trying to go deeper under her skin because if only he could’ve, he would’ve. “I love you and I want you to never forget it.”

And all she could do was hum and moan under his expert hands that played her like a violin. “I – I missed you,” she cried out, letting go of a confession she couldn’t keep in anymore as another orgasm rushed over her body.

“I know,” he whispered, holding her closer. “Can’t get enough of me, can’t – fuck – be without me.”

“I – it’s getting too much,” she whimpered, pressing her head against the pillows of his bed. “You feel too good,” she wept, holding his hands tighter, feeling her heart burn up when he started to whisper again how much he loved her, how much he needed her.

“We fit so well, bunny,” he whispered, pulling out and turning her over, slipping into her again, holding her limp, tired body in his arms as he picked up his rhythm again. “We are made for each other,” he said, caressing her wet cheek. “So don’t ever let anything – fuck – come between us. Not the bet,” he groaned, feeling another orgasm approach them, “not your brother. Not another man. Nothing and nobody, fuck.”

She hummed, lazily blinking, eyes barely adjusting to see his face, and smiled. She smiled because that felt like heaven. She smiled because Jeno looked like an angel. She smiled because after being a loser for her entire life, there was a small patch of paradise reserved even for her. “Just us,” she whispered.

And by the time they came together she had no more strength to keep her eyes open, even less to talk, but there was nothing more to say. She had nothing more to say, not for now, at least. Her wounds were healed.

So she let go in his arms, drunk in his scent and warmth, heart beating with the hope of a better future. A hope that was fueled by a reality that was all distorted. And in her dreams, she couldn’t hear him, but he would’ve made sure to remind her of that promise every day.

Jeno turned around, eyes studying her relaxed face, fingers grazing her cheeks, moving her hair out of her beautiful face, a grin creeping on his face as he leaned down to kiss her parted lips.

“It will always be us, bunny,” he promised. “Always.”

I hope you liked it, please leave feedback and let me know with comments, reblogs or asks ♡ For more support consider donating.

Part 2: shattered glasses

#nct fanfiction #jeno smut #jeno angst #lee jeno smut #lee jeno angst #jeno scenarios #nct dream smut #nct dream angst #nct dream scenarios #requests

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acourtofthought · 3 months

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tell me what you think about this...

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JyAGtTbgNGCdEb2iMbTtMkbUq66vF91z/view

I love your posts, they are divine.

Thank you so much!!!

What I have to say about the google doc is that they did a nice job putting together their points in the format they did!

But I don't agree with any of it.

Az did get Elain a rose necklace after the many mentions of Elain and roses but I wouldn't say roses are more special to Elain than any other flower just because they're symbolic of her.

It was the tulip fields she wanted to visit in book 1, the tulip bulbs she was talking to Feyre about in ACOTAR and it was those flower fields Nesta reminded us she had wanted to visit in SF.

Roses are kind of the obvious answer on "what to get a girl" when you're getting her something flower related , it's the top most purchased flower on Valentines Day after all.

And roses are used for Elain by the author in the same way that she describes Nesta like a wolf or Lucien like a fox. It's fun imagery and all that but not necessarily how the character would refer to themselves.

Roses are beautiful of course but I don't think it was all that clever of Az to select a rose charm when any one of them could have said "Elain likes flowers so I'll bet she'll like this rose necklace!". Had Az himself been clever enough to think "This charm is perfect for her because of how she is constantly sitting by the sunniest of windows and the charm also needs light to come alive" than he would have earned points for that. Or "Nesta underestimates her inner depth just like it's easy to miss with this charm but it's truth will be revealed just as Elain's will!" Instead it's the reader who draws the comparison, not him.

"Nesta, Elain shall wed for love and beauty, but you my cunning, little queen. You shall wed for conquest."

First off, saying Elain will marry Az because he's the prettiest of the bat boys according to Feyre and Nesta is so superficial I can't believe it's even an argument. And what the sisters think of Az has literally no meaning at all compared to what Elain thinks of Az. Feyre might have thought Az was the most classically beautiful out of Cassian and Az but it was Rhys who was the most beautiful man she'd ever seen. Elain is the "prettiest" of the three sisters but Rhys thought Feyre was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. When the King of Hybern and Amren (a being 15,000 years old) referenced Lucien's attractiveness, I'd say that if Elain married him she'd have no complaints about the hotness of her mate who is made sexier by a scar down his face which is a testament of how he stood up to Amarantha.

Second.....Nesta talks about how her mother would roll over in her grave to find out she'd married an untitled fae male. When Nesta defied her mother and the expectations she forced on her.....why is anyone under the impression Elain would follow through with what her mother thought of her?

The reason Elain's mother thought she'd marry for love and beauty is because her mother didn't think she was capable of anything else. You'd think a true Elain stan would want to prove that she was worth more than marrying someone just because of her or their physical appearance.

Oh, we're romanticizing "polite, BLAND" smiles now?

Az did go a bit still went Elain entered the room in ACOWAR. Then proceeded to look at Mor with hunger and yearning in the novella. Let's compare that to Lucien could barely breathe when he first got a true look at Elain because she was the most beautiful female he'd ever seen........and how Lucien looks at only HER with longing after that.

Feyre did predict Elain would cling to Az for peace and quiet. But since when does a truly happy Elain want just peace and quiet? Certainly not the Elain who personally greeted each guest at the ball, danced with all the important lords sons, who can convince anyone to do anything with a few smiles, who can make friends easily, who stayed up until the wee hours of the morning at the ball surrounded by a circle of friends (flushed and brilliant) when both Feyre and Nesta were over it.

You know what else Feyre predicted? That Amren and Nesta would become fast friends which they did......until they weren't. Amren is not Nesta's found family, Emerie and Gwyn are. So if Feyre got that part wrong.......

In ACOWAR, Elain wanted to go home which was her home in the human lands. If she changed that in SF and called Rhys and Feyre's manor her home because that's been the only real option she's had to call home since being turned fae......why can't that change again in her book?

Nesta didn't find her true home until the book where she ended up with her love interest. Feyre didn't find her true home until the book she accepted her mating bond. Logic stands to reason that Elain will find her true home in her book too.

So I'm supposed to believe that Elain not eating, drinking sleeping or leaving her room for MONTHS until Lucien arrived and demanded they get her outside means nothing but Az who discovered she was a Seer is indicative of true love? Her Seer powers are not a thing that was wrong with her, he guessed the gift she was given. That's like someone giving me a present on Christmas and I shake the box while asking for hints until I figure it out. I'll never, ever, EVER be convinced that Az gave a shit about Elain during her depression considering he was excited to go to the Hewn City rather than stay back to guard Elain at her lowest. Considering he did not once ask Feyre how she was feeling, how she was doing, considering he did not once express concern over her lack of eating, sleeping, drinking, I think it's safe to say him being able to say "you're a seer!" doesn't mean much at all. Rhys was the one to discover Nesta's real power, does that mean he truly loves Nesta?

So I'm to understand that eavesdropping between two people while one is still going through depression and the other is trying for the very first time to reach out through their bond is supposed to be a comfortable situation? It was uncomfortable because Elain and Lucien were forced to sit together while everyone around them was being nosy as fuck. It wasn't a first date or anything but can you imagine trying to have a moment with someone while your two sisters and two others in the household are pretending to be busy while being completely aware they're listening to your every breath?

Feyre only THINKS that maybe Az understood what Elain was going through when she was hearing voices. Just like only Cassian truly understood what Feyre went through after spending years hungry. Does that mean Cassian should be with Feyre instead of Rhys because Rhys never went hungry?

Az has blushed for Elain, Mor, and Nesta in the book. Tharion blushed at Hypaxia. Someone other than Lorcan blushed over something Elide had said. I'm not getting their point.

Of course Elain tells her fucking fiance that having a mate means nothing to her. These are the best arguments they've got? Nesta didn't even want to tell Cassian he was her mate after falling in love and having copious amounts of sex.

Az did say, "what about Elain?". Then just stood there. It was Nesta who stared at him then went running for Elain's tent. And he did say he was getting her back....after Cassian first said he would but couldn't and Nesta laid down the challenge saying no one could make it into his camp. Az does love to prove himself the hero, does he not? Also, Az hid in Feyre's shadows, I'd say she's more responsible for Elain's rescues. Compared to Lucien who was willing to fight his way without power to try to get to the Night Court, the home of the most powerful High Lord ever to live and through Autumn where he knew he had a metaphorical (literal?) bounty on his head.

That was an amazing scene for Elain, was it not? Saving Briar. Saving Az. And something Az never once gave her credit for.

No, Az stayed seated when Eris made mention of Elain. He only exploded when Eris mentioned Mor. I can't believe they're trying to claim Az's anger was "built up".

Yup....CASSIAN offered Elain a knife first, not Az. Glad to know Az just stood by watching someone else do something for Elain first yet again. I guess it's a good thing Mor begged Az, with tears in her eyes, to sit out of battle. Otherwise he wouldn't have bothered offering Elain TT at all.

Her smile did lighten Az's shadows. Just like Az confirming that the shadows tend to vanish around her. Just like they are afraid of the sunlight. Considering he tells us they are his companions....why would he want them to disappear?

Yes....a female always wants to be responsible for making a male think of and being compared to his mother. Super sexy.

OH MY GOD! TRUE LOVE!!!!! She smiled at Az because she appreciated Az making a joke in response to Cassian's comment!!!! Men and women cannot just smile at one another without falling in forever love!!!!!!!!

Yes, so special "I've never participated in one of these" and Az says.......NOTHING. Such exciting conversation!

Az could have been staring at the garden thinking of Elain and her bond with Lucien and how he's jealous of Lucien because why did Lucien get a bond when he didn't. But then he went on to blush at Mor and stare at her with hunger. I don't know....maybe it's just me and my silly little romantic heart but I don't really enjoy a male who is fixated on two women at the same time.

However, if Az was interested in Elain, why did he ask Rhys if he needed to get her a gift than look relieved when Rhys said no?

Did they purposely put the "why not make them mates" under the wrong slide to make it look like it happened later in the series? That was ACOWAR, not ACOFAS. In ACOFAS Feyre tells Elain LUCIEN is a good male and why couldn't she talk to him? She repeats that Lucien is a good male (says nothing of Az) and tells Mor she wants them to be happy. Mor says both Lucien and Elain need time and that they will be happy.

Yes yes, SF. The book where Az gives Elain zero credit for anything, doesn't bother checking on "her", avoids her because HE can't handle her bond, can't admit to Rhys that he's over Mor, can't admit to Rhys that he's not just using Elain for sex, calls her a mistake before talking to Rhys and feels a spark in his chest over another females happiness.

I think I covered it all, right?

#elucien #pro elucien #elain archeron #anti e/riel

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kingusukaras · 8 months

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some (mildly disjointed) thoughts i had about the translation of most recent leona overblot scene from the second twst novel. unsaid disclaimer is obvi these are just my thoughts and youre free to disagree. i cant stop you

read more because i might ramble a bit 💆🏾‍♀️

i'll start by saying that i'm very grateful for the novel & yuureis translations, bc its given me so much to chew on wrt leonas psyche and mental state, much more than book 2 in the game did. i havent bothered to go looking for reactions tho, bc i can already kind of predict the takes i'll find (knowing how parts of the fandom talks abt leona generally) - and i do "get" it, in the sense that i do also feel the way he tortures ruggie before he overblots is upsetting - but theres so much to dig into here, i feel like its such a waste to get hung up on obsessively moralizing

(i'll mention here that to formulate these thoughts i'm also pulling from the translation of leona's post-overblot scene, plus some moments from the game that i'll mention specifically as i go)

for example, the things leona says pre-overblot, his meltdown about dreams being stupid and useless, how the savanaclaw students (ruggie included) aren't meant to question him; they're meant to obey quietly, sound less like actual things he's trying to tell them and more like him lashing out at himself. as in, he's more talking at them, not to them. skipping forward to book 6: there we see leona give jamil advice, but the implication underneath is that everything he's telling jamil are things leona wishes he had internalized himself - again here, he's talking to someone, but really it's also directed inwards. almost like it's easier for him to look at (and speak about) himself critically when he can externalize it as critique of other people

the other thing im curious about is the distant, detached persona he adopts when he's truly angry. this'll be quick because i don't feel i have enough information to unpack it properly, but if i allow myself to spin thoughts out from limited information: it could almost be a habit he picked up as a child - something he might've forced himself to learn as part of an effort to be seen as more of a 'model' prince. if people were afraid of his moodiness because they feared what his UM (he) could do, then if he swallows those emotions maybe he can mitigate that. this, ofc, being shot through with the expectation that, as royalty, any order he gives people will obey

the final thing, for this post at least, is unpacking the way leona lashes out at ruggie when ruggie defies him. i'm willing to make the very safe bet that most of the reading of this moment is focused on leona being angry over being defied at all, or general disgust at how small and weak ruggie is (appears) to be. and while i think both of those points have some element of truth to them, i think the larger aspect of leonas reaction is jealousy. ruggie somehow, despite everything, despite all of the disadvantages life has thrown at him, still has the courage to have determination. and i want to be very clear here: this is not me saying being poor or struggling is admirable because it makes you strong - i'm not naive and i'm not here to romanticize poverty. what i am trying to say here ruggie's tenacity - a tenacity his life circumstances developed in him - is something that leona lacks, and that's what he's jealous of. he's jealous of his inability to keep having that hope, to maintain that courage in the face of his own repeated failures

(an aside: isn't it ironic that part of the reason ruggie has that tenacity is leona? leonas tutoring, leonas effective leadership of the spelldrive club, and as housewarden?)

(an aside 2x: in many ways, 'giving up' can be seen as a luxury. ruggie does not have the luxury to give up, because it could very well mean that he doesn't eat that day. for leona, regardless of what he does he's going to have a roof over his head and three square meals a day anyway, so what does it matter if he gives up? sure, he won't be happy, but he'll be comfortable in a material sense, and isn't that enough? except, of course, it isn't - not for him. as much as he tries to deny it, he's as fiercely ambitious as the rest of his dorm)

#king's meta #twisted wonderland #twst leona #leona kingscholar #disney twisted wonderland #every new translation post gives me so much more to mull over i love it #thank you yuurei

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betterfettered · 1 year

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a request 🥹

mc gets chained and abused as a lesson, how would the brothers and/or the others react when they lose their will to fight back and start to romanticize/stockholm their situation?

yea i'm good thanks for asking hhhh

The second part of your ask:

how would the brothers react if stockholm mc decides to stop eating as much so they'll look more pretty, dainty, abuseable, not have the strengh to fight back? would they encourage it, be greatful, not care at all or tell them to eat more?

I can answer this for ya, though I would like to say that regardless of your size, reader, you are pretty, dainty and abusable just the way you are 💖💖 I also don't mean any of the below to mean that any of the brothers wouldn't like fat darlings or anyone of a particular body type. As a fat girl I would never betray my audience in that way 🫡 Let me know if I missed any TWs

(Gn!reader x AMAB!yandere)(Disordered eating)(pro eating disorder attitudes)(violence against reader)(18+ readers only please, mdni)[This is fetish content and abuse is disgusting and inexcusable in real life.]

Yandere!Lucifer would not mind at all if your will to fight back disappeared. In his eyes, it means you have learned your lesson and won't be foolishly disobedient anymore. He will probably give you more privileges because of it. The starving yourself, he would not approve of. He decides what you eat, how much of it, and when, so he'd tell you to knock it off.

Yandere!Mammon would at first like your new attitude because it means he can do whatever he likes with you, but then it would start to bother him. I think he actually likes the banter the two of you get into, so seeing how deflated you are now would make him kind of sad. He'd probably try to act goofier to make you laugh and chide him. The not eating, Mammon wouldn't see a problem with a first, just thinking youre on a harsh diet (which isnt abnormal in his social circles because hes a model), but once you started showing physical symptoms like being faint, sallow skin, shaking hands, brain fog, he would tell you to stop it and eat more. He might do this in a snarky way to hide that he feels bad for the role he played in your becoming like this.

Yandere!Levi has more experience with two dimensional people than real people, so I don't think he'd quite understand how bad things were getting for a long time. He'd see you losing the will to fight as making you more sweet and gentle, and make you dress up in frilly lacy pink things like docile characters in whatever he's reading/watching. He also would probably agree with you that it increases how dainty you seem for you to eat less, remarking on how you're like a doll that only he gets to play with. He wouldn't notice until your symptoms got much, much worse that there's a problem, and I think it would probably take him asking one of his brothers (in a poorly disguised hypothetical) to figure out exactly what's wrong.

Yandere!Satan doesn't just want you to be docile, he wants complete and active submission. Saying that to say, he doesn't just want you to nod when he's talking to you, he wants you to kneel and bow until your head touches the floor. If you are submissive in that way, he will love it. If you're not, he'd be irritated and you can expect more abuse until you get it right. Once you start eating less, though, he'd probably consult with some books on humans to figure out what has gone wrong with his. Eventually he'd find some stuff about the physical impacts of eating less and the psychology of the way you're behaving. Then start trying to unwilt you the way someone does to a plant, so he'd take you outside on walks on a leash, play music for you, let you talk to one person a day (humans are social creatures, after all) and tell you to eat more. If you refuse to eat he will make you eat by force.

Yandere!Asmo won't like that you're more docile because to him it would feel like you're less attentive. He likes when you're outgoing and opinionated, he wants you to be fully present with him (and only him) and reactive. He'd assume you're kind of depressed so he'd take you to do fun stuff to try and cheer you up, like shopping and amusement parks and spas. With the not eating, I think Asmo subscribes to diet culture in general because of some lines of dialogue he has, including a couple about dieting himself, so he probably wouldn't even give you not eating a second thought. He may give you a compliment or two. I think he would be another who needs someone else to point out that it's becoming an issue.

Yandere!Beel would not like that you are romanticizing the situation because to him the way that he restricts and sometimes abuses you is a means to an end, where you can be a happy family together and you won't try to run away any more LOL He would try and tell you that he's not really like that so you don't need to get used to it, and when you seem comfortable while restrained he would be sad. The not eating would also make him really sad. He would encourage you to eat more and more, and probably would also force you to eat if you didn't.

Because of his own experience with being restrained, if Yandere!Belphie is chaining you up and abusing you, you have probably made him very, very angry. At this point he doesn't trust you at all, and you've probably done something to make him feel abandoned. He'd not buy your docile "act" and maybe even mock you for it (Belphegor ur chapter 16 is showing). You'd better work hard at regaining his good favor, because who knows what he'll decide to do if you let him stew on it? He also would not like you not eating your food, but at this point he's more likely to just order you to eat rather than force feeding you.

How was that anon? Did it scratch ur itch?

Everyone, send more asks! 🙇🏿‍♀️

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danddymaro · 1 year

Text

In that Instance | Abbacchio Leone x Reader

Kinda fluffy?

flashbacks

Mentions of Death | Sorry lol

Word Count: 1290

In that instance

It was an instant ; a single moment that could be measured by a sole heartbeat where it all transpired.

- There wasn't any time in between, yet somehow, before him, various instances flashed.

He thought about the first time he met you, how that little greeting of yours had made him anxious... flustered.

It’d been worse when Bucciarati took notice, because the knowing smile he shot him was a lot more mortifying than all of the encouragement it tried to provide.

“Did your heart just skip a beat?” the other man dared to ask as he brushed past him, following you into the restaurant before Abbacchio stumbled forward, trying to find a way to steady the awful, obnoxious drumming of his heart.

In a single second Abbacchio remembered how your expression had melted at his offering of flowers for your birthday.

It was unforgettable how the very patterns of your features reacted to his gesture.

-Flowers.

The last time he'd offered a woman flowers was at his nonna's funeral way before then.

And it'd only been a single blossom, not the assorted bouquet that had been nervously held before him as he tried to spit out a casual, 'Happy birthday' after everyone else had already done so.

He felt that it were nothing in comparison to the lovely pendant Bruno had picked out for you, or as meaningful as the assortment of things Fugo had given you which Narancia had piggybacked off.

Mista had gotten you something simple, but from what he’d bragged about, it’d been something you’ve been eyeing at that the mall for quite some time.

Leone had thought thought his gift was practically nothing to fawn over, but to his surprise you’d seemed much more affected by his own, simple gift than any other.

He couldn’t stop staring at the lovely heart shape that sat right at your collarbone, the light haired man biting his inner cheek as he cursed himself for not getting you something better.

-Something you were worthy of.

-Something that other people would look at , and know it came from someone that cared about you.

"You got me flowers..." you said, your voice soft as though you couldn't believe it, like you were being given something much more valuable than a few colorful blossoms that would wilt in a couple of weeks.

Either you couldn't fathom that Abbacchio Leone had been kind enough to offer you flowers, or you'd never gotten them before and he couldn't tell which was the case.

Well, there was also the thought that it’d been such a shitty present he actually brought you to tears, but he tried not to think of that.

Anxiously, he watched your eyes as they slowly flooded with tears, your lashes misted by a soft dew as you tried to hold back,

"- no one's ever gotten me flowers," you say with a quiet chuckle, feeling silly for being so emotional over it.

No one had ever done so, but you’d always desired it.

Because, deep inside you were a helpless romantic who's, unfortunately, never been treated as such.

Your confession took him by surprise.

It was the first time he'd seen you cry, and surprisingly, it'd been a sight he smiled at.

He'd smiled in a subtle manner, his face touched by just the softest blush too.

He'd given you a first, and he wanted to be the only one to continue to do so, even if he’d yet to win your heart.

- He though you deserved it.

Romanticism had never been his forte, and yet, according to you , it was like he'd written the book on it.

You swooned at his affection, glowed under his attention and he'd never heard anything but praise from you making him feel like he'd done so much right.

- And after feeling like an utter screw up it was something he couldn't get past.

The restaurant was lit by only a few candles, and the fragrance of freshly sprouted roses tickled your nose.

It was a scene you hadn’t expected.

Looking down at the ground you looked at the scattered red petals as they lead to a table set for two, yet another surprise.

“What...” your breath was cut short as you looked at the man beside you who had brought you to the restaurant.

“What’s all this?” you asked him as he got that teary eyed, yet happy expression from you.

“ I told you... I wanted to take you out for dinner,” he told you while stepping forward before turning back, his hand extended to you.

At that very moment, it dawned onto you that Abbacchio meant it as a date.

It’d been to your surprise that he asked out, but you’d accepted it none the less, truly grateful, not thinking about it for even a second, especially when he’d called it ‘ his treat.’

-His gift to you since the year before he’d given you nothing but flowers for your birthday, and he wanted to make the current one much more special.

When he’d mentioned Libeccio you hadn’t been too surprised, but you’d been happy to accept either way, expecting a simple outing, not an empty venue.

You also hadn’t expected the candles.

Nor the flowers that waited for you on your seat after you traveled through the petal decorated ground.

You hadn’t expected him to hold your hand throughout it, or even pull your chair out for you.

The wine that had been poured for you had caught your eye, because it wasn’t his regular brand, though you’d recognized it as a higher quality, it being yet another surprise.

But nothing had been as impactful as his confession that lead to a proclamation of love.

“You’re in love with me?” you said back with stunned surprised, your entire expression touched by that awe.

He released a little sigh as his shoulders dropped, a sheepish smile gracing his dark tinted lips, “ I was so worried I was too obvious,” he revealed, making you laugh.

Of course you told him how you felt, how wonderful you thought he was, and how you never imagined he’d see you in the same light.

They say that when a person's life is at its end, their life flashes before their eyes.

He'd always wondered what would be true, and he'd give anything to tell you that at that moment he hadn't thought about his past, the one that had haunted him for so long.

He hadn't thought about his decent childhood or even his one weighing burden that had spiraled him into darkness.

He hadn't even thought about the undoubtable pain that came the moment his body registered the brute strike.

Instead, he thought about how happy you'd been when he got you those flowers.

He thought about how wonderful it felt to kiss you, how you felt when molded by his hands, how you smelled of your signature perfume he felt honored to have cling to him.

He'd thought about how he could feel your smile during those little presses, how much his heart raced when you pushed further, wanting more from him.

"-I need you," never before has he been so eager to please anyone.

"Come on," you didn't need to pull him anywhere because he'd follow you blindly, because life with you felt like an entire adventure.

"I love you," it was instinct to pull you close and repeat the words.

"- Don't go," Your little pout always had him trudging back to bed, unable to just say no.

“Please...” that single word could make him do just about anything.

His eyes tiredly trailed towards his stand, watching it take the form of the last face he'd seen, one he could only hope would come nowhere near you.

He knew he wouldn't be able to tell you how much he loved you, how much you meant to him;

How much his family meant to him.

There was no time.

However, there was just one thing left, one last act that would sum it up.

And the single stone shard clutched in his cold hand was the precious missing piece that would lead you to his final message.

#leone abbacchio x reader #leone abbacchio x reader insert #leone abbacchio x y/n #leone abbacchio x you #leone abbacchio imagine #abbacchio x reader #abbacchio x reader insert #abbacchio x y/n #leone abbacchio fluff #JJBA fanfiction #jjba fanfic #JJBA #jojo's bizarre adventure vento auero #JJBA Vento Aureo #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Vento Aureo #Vento Aureo #jjba golden wind #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Golden Wind

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magspy · 6 months

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hiii i love your art :3 and i especially love this one OC of yours, the one with white hair, the glasses and they have something to do with someone called Lady? can you tell a bit about them if you'd like? :"3

I'm always happy to talk about my OCs! Thank you so much for asking and for the kind words <3

The one you're talking about is one of my former DnD characters: Solas Abaeir

(Have some unpublished art of him where I tried to design enamel pins)

He's a wizard and Lady is the ermine that's often sitting on his shoulder and his familiar.

Solas grew up in the Underdark, where his parents owned a Luurden orchard (expensive fruit from the Underdark) and a business that sold wine made from the fruit. The expectation was for Solas to take over the business, but all he ever wanted was to become an adventurer like the heroes he had read about in his many books. Sadly, he grew up a little sickly and his magic is a little unreliable as well, mainly lending itself to illusions instead of anything corporeal.

He inherited his familiar, Lady, from his mother when she died when he was still little. He's been learning magic mainly by being brought random pages of his mother's old spellbook by Lady, but has never figured out where she kept getting them from.

In the campaign:

Before I started using him as a player character, he was actually the "villain" in a one-shot I DM'd where he tricked the party into investigating a fake haunted house he had built. He wanted to offer others the opportunity he didn't have (getting to experience an adventure), but became a little too proud of his work and wanted to see if he could trick an actual group of adventurers into thinking it was real.

That backfired spectacularly of course and they were pretty angry with him, with one of the players actually arranging for his kidnapping to teach him a lesson. This resulted in him spending a few months working as a servant/bartender at the hideout of the criminal organization that kidnapped him, with their wizard having erased his memories of having magic himself.

He has since repented, regained most of his magical prowess, and has become a part of the group of adventurers he tricked, slowly learning that being an adventurer isn't really like what he read about in his novels.

He's a little nerd and not great with people, besides when it comes to transactions. It has gotten a little bit better since he's made it to the surface, but most of his knowledge of the surface and its inhabitants comes from heavily romanticized novels and that does make things confusing for him at times.

#Magspy rambles #dnd #magspy dnd characters #solas abaeir

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esther-dot · 11 months

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Thanks for the reply! If we go by the show as you have mentioned the makers romanticized the relationships. GW and Missandei is not likely gonna happen in books because she is a child and had no connection with GW. Arya is still a child in books. Plus Gendry was given Edric Storm plot. I also don't think Braime will be a ship as it will be disservice to Brienne. Jaime is a villain. Daario loyalty towards Dany is still questionable unlike show.

Show also teased the audience with Yara-Dany, Yara-Ellaira and Brienne-Tormund which again don't make sense in books. Asha unlike her book counterpart is still in North and it's her uncle Victarion who is going to meet Dany in Meereen.

Then there are pairs which are not romantic but are develop because makers are sadists. Sansa-Ramsey and Cersei-Euron. Again these are not possible because Sansa was given Jeyne's plot and Euron is after Dany's dragons.

Makers already portrayed Jonerys as doomed relationship. Jonerys could be fanservice like other couples in show. Or it could happen but not in the way fans are expecting.

(Continuation of this convo)

I know it was a total D&D fabrication but Yara and Dany made way more sense to me than Jon and Dany! They we’re both ambitious and felt used/slighted by others because they were female, neither found conquering/violence a turn-off, and the actors had better chemistry. If only they went in that direction instead of…whatever the heck the other thing was. 😂

I think Jon and Dany must have some interaction but in such a limited space, it would be very difficult to sell it as any of kind genuine romance even if Martin wanted to. Not that I think he does. I assumed that Jon wishing for dragons and being warned of their danger, and Dany believing she will meet additional dragon riders, men she can trust, was prep for them meeting and Dany trusting Jon although he’s entirely loyal to the North the whole time, but I’m not sure how that could happen with everything else that also needs to happen!

I also do think he intends for a romance for Sansa and Jon of some kind but there are several paths that he could take there, and it’s really hard for me to see how any of them answer all the questions he’s presented/don’t cause their own problems and allow for Jon to go South for Targ stuff. 🤔

#dot chat

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apocalypticavolition · 5 months

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Let's (re)Read The Great Hunt! Chapter 19: Beneath the Dagger

Do you still remember the deal? Probably not, huh? It goes like this: this reread has spoilers for the whole dang series. Spoilers for book 1 (kind of expected), book 2 (not uncommon), book 8 (I already ran out of parentheticals), book 10 (just kidding nothing happens in this one), and even book 15 (the one that only super special fans get to read). If you don't want that, don't click Keep reading.

The icon for this chapter is the Horn of Valere as it is the object of Rand's quest and his prize. It's also what our favorite lady in white gets fixated on. They're all very straightforward.

Every day they had been there on the mountainside, watching the place where Hurin said the trail had been, in that other world—where Selene said the Darkfriends would surely appear in this world—he told himself it was time to leave. And Selene talked of the Horn of Valere, and touched his arm, and looked into his eyes, and before he knew it he had agreed to yet another day before they went on.

I suspect that Selene is using Compulsion here and that it's working as much because this is what fate needs to happen as it is what Rand wants to do anyway. He thinks this is all nonsense and a complete long shot but in his gut he knows it's the only way to keep Mat alive, so all Selene is really accomplishing is pushing his surface thoughts out of the way of his true nature. It's borderline therapeutic!

I was happy then, I think, even running for my life. Playing the flute for my supper.

That is not remotely how it was, Rand. You were stressed and exhausted and for every place you got to play for your supper there was another where you got scammed or threatened or worse. It's quite interesting how we romanticize our memories though. One of Rand's bigger problems is that eventually he gets to a point where there's nothing to work with for this delusion, so all the "despair debt" as it were catches up with him in a lump sum.

In the moonlight he could see the shape of Selene, bending over his saddlebags, her hands on the buckles. Her white dress gathered the faint light.

There's something intensely metaphorical about the fact that the woman who has betrayed both sides of the metaphysical conflict at play is herself betrayed by the things that she does claim loyalty to.

“It came to me,” she said, “that I’ve been wearing this dress too long. I could brush it, at least, if I had something else to wear while I did. One of your shirts, perhaps.”

Points to Lanfear though for always having a back-up plan to work her angles.

Her soft laugh sent a shiver down his back, as if she had run a finger along his spine.

Rand doesn't mention goosebumps specifically in this sequence but I bet she really is running weaves of Air around him. Makes her creepier.

“Think of the glory that will come to the one who finds the Horn of Valere. How proud I’ll be to stand beside him who holds the Horn. You have no idea the heights we will scale together, you and I. With the Horn of Valere in your hand, you can be a king. You can be another Artur Hawkwing. You. . . .”

Honestly if Hurin hadn't interrupted her here Rand probably would have rebuffed her pretty hard anyway. Glory is the least of this boy's interests and Lanfear literally can't bring it up without going into this long-winded rant which she almost certainly plans to cap off with "topple the Creator and the Dark One". It's not even all that likely that someone with the Horn could pull off Hawkwing anyway - the world is too divided and the Heroes won't be happy being used for petty political warfare.

No reason to be angry with her.

Here's some other Compulsion Selene pulls off successfully, though the stakes are super low. There's plenty of reason to be mad Rand, even with just the info you have! It's weird she's digging around in your stuff in the middle of the night instead of talking to you about it. It's weird that she's sexually harassing you instead of respecting your boundaries. It's weird that she's clearly lying to you about Portal Stones!

“You don’t know you cannot take it. How many followers does this man have? You don’t know that, either.”

I will give Lanfear credit for actually providing useful tactical advice. Even if her "Get the Horn now!" routine is based entirely in her delusional self-importance, she's not wrong to point out that they should be learning about the enemy camp while they have the chance and the element of surprise. Rand's really more of the big picture strategist in warfare than this kind of skirmish.

“I am capable of guarding myself, until you return to protect me. Take the alantin.”

Nothing suspicious about any of THIS at all. Literally any other Ogier in the world would have called out someone calling them an Old Tongue name only, I think. Loial just doesn't do it because he's so naive.

“Remember the glory,” she said softly. “Remember.”

I think it's pronounced "Memento mori", Lanfear. Someone really should have been whispering that to you.

He wished he could stop thinking, and before he realized it, the void had formed within him, making thoughts distant things, as if part of someone else. Saidin shone at him, beckoned to him.

Being caught between Lanfear and the tainted saidin makes rocks and hard places seem like vacation destinations. But being able to use the void at all means that Tam's training saved Rand from quite a lot of Lanfear's influence I think.

Loial’s huge hand settled over Rand’s mouth, and a good part of his face besides.

This is far funnier to me than it has any intention of being. Breaks up the tension of the scene, which is quite effective but difficult to quote because it builds up over time.

Tam had told him Trollocs were lazy, apt to give up any task but killing unless fear kept them to it.

Really just another demonstration of how the Shadow without the Light is entirely self-defeating.

The Horn of Valere and the dagger Mat needed, both almost within reach of his hand. Selene’s face drifted with the chest. They could follow Fain’s party in the morning, and wait until Ingtar joined them. If Ingtar did come, if he still followed the trail without his sniffer. No, there would never be a better chance. All within reach of his hand. Selene was waiting on the mountain.

Again, points to Selene (from the Light's perspective) because Rand would have utterly wasted this opportunity without her guidance. It really makes me wonder how she got to rise through the ranks to Forsaken at all considering how little she does for the Shadow's agenda. Literally less than the Trollocs and I just got done roasting them.

His hand touched something else, on the lid. The dagger, bare-bladed. In the dark, his eyes widened. Remembering what it had done to Mat, he jerked back, the void shifting with his agitation.

Lucky he didn't cut himself on it. Or perhaps unlucky; if he had cut his hand on it maybe Ishamael would have given him a matching wound there as well instead of any side wounds and it would have been much less miserable in the long run what with Semirhage's post-cleansing amputation of the poor boy.

Even in the night it was plain Loial’s eyes were as wide as they could go; they looked as big as saucers in the light of the moon.

It's these subtle touches that do a good job of emphasizing how uncommonly brave Rand is. Loial is absolutely a trooper for making it this far but even he's got limits.

“I know it is you, al’Thor! You’re hiding from me, but I know you are out there! Find him! Find him! Al’Thoooor!”

It's funny how in this book, which is mostly moving well away from the LotR inspiration that all 80s fantasy novels needed to have, Fain is acting more Gollum-like than ever before.

Rand moved without thought. He was one with the blade. Cat Dances on the Wall. The Trolloc screamed as it fell, screamed again as it died.

Frankly, CDotW sounds less like a standard sword form and more like what mentors joking call it when the new guys start panicking and waving their sword everywhere in a panic, but I guess it works.

The Courtier Taps His Fan. No scream, this time.

In contrast, this particular form sounds much more dignified and controlled. Jordan using these names to describe the action without describing it was a really great touch.

Lizard in the Thornbush. He rose smoothly from one knee as the second toppled, horns almost brushing his shoulder.

I like sword forms okay?

Fain was there, and Darkfriends, and more Trollocs. Too many to fight. Too many to face and live.

As awesome as the forms are, I do have to point out how unbelievable it sounds that Rand just single handedly killed eight Trollocs and is worried about fighting more. Like obviously he will eventually get exhausted but it really feels like he burned through a good chunk of the enemy forces. I'm not really sure how many there are at this point anyway and I'm not sure if that's the text being vague for tension or if I just forgot from earlier chapters because of the break.

“Sometimes I do not understand half of what you say,” Loial said. “If you must go mad, could it at least wait until we are back with the Lady Selene and Hurin?”

Again: Loial is painfully naive. Any other Ogier would have been well aware of exactly how alarming Rand's confession of going mad would be. I'm just gonna say it outright: the Elders were lowkey right not to approve of Loial wandering around in the world on his own. Look at the company he keeps.

As she stretched on tiptoe to put a hand inside, Rand reached over her shoulder and lifted out the Horn of Valere. He had seen it once before, but never touched it. Though beautifully made, it did not look a thing of great age, or power.

Normally I don't approve of tall people using their height to thwart shorties but for Lanfear I must of course make an exception.

And also, I'm sure again: how fucking old IS the Horn anyway? It can't possibly just be going through the whole of the Wheel over and over. Who made it? Why? When? What parts of interacting with the Heroes that the cast just assumes is the natural order of the worldl are in fact only possible because the Horn exists?

“You misunderstand me, Rand,” Selene said. “You cannot go back, now. You are committed. Those Friends of the Dark will not simply go away because you’ve taken the Horn from them. Far from it. Unless you know some way to kill them all, they will be hunting you now as you hunted them before.”

Ugh and now she's made another good point, even though again it's only in her self-interest. Lanfear you are supposed to be crazy. Stop challenging that by actually being helpful.

“Be careful,” Selene said. “Do not cut yourself.”

Once again, one has to wonder how the Forsaken are so familiar with something that was never contemporaneous with any of them except ol' Ballsac.

I am also now struck by the wondering if Lanfear's behavior makes her some third flavor of evil that might also be destructive against the Taint if it only existed in larger qualities than her. Probably not, but... she's closer to pulling it off than anyone else.

“The chest will surely shield us,” Selene said in a tight voice. “And now I mean to finish what is left of my night’s sleep.”

Since the chest is a stasis box, Lanfear is of course quite pissed that Rand has accidentally found a valid solution to their problem.

He gestured to the first Trolloc that had brought him word al’Thor was not to be found. It still snapped at ground muddied with its own blood, hooves scraping trenches as they jerked.

Poor Trolloc. Nobody deserves Fain.

“I am a dog no longer. A dog no longer!” He heard the others shifting uneasily around the fire, but he ignored them.

A fun contrast. Rand protests he will not be made a puppet and aptly demonstrates this by making his own choices whenever possible and wise. Fain protests that he's not a dog even as he plans to follow Rand's metaphorical scent, then he goes barking mad. The Shadow: Not even once.

That wraps up another chapter. Lanfear doesn't deserve any points so I'm taking them all away from her before the chapter break. She's back to 0, tied with virtually every other character! Next time: Fewer points awarded to Lanfear, hopefully. Also: saidin.

#let's read #wheel of time #wot #robert jordan #wheel of time spoilers #wot spoilers #rand al'thor #loial #hurin #lanfear

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thebadfilmsideblog · 2 months

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ooh baby we're back in business for sure

so after my rage-fuelled obsession with the movie had died down i kind of forgot about it for the most part. (that is a lie. i am lying.) but one day i somehow discovered that it was based on a BOOK and set out to read said book out of morbid curiosity. (i expected it to be just a novel version of the movie, and i wanted to see how an author could create something so empty using words. i was wrong of course, but that's not the point.) i figured it would be at the secondhand bookstore, but i looked there to no avail. i did, however, find another novel by the same author (walter tevis); the steps of the sun. i flipped to a random page and it appeared to show the protagonist whining about how his testicles don't work. this was unpromising.

i then read the man who fell to earth on internet archive, where it is available entirely for free. you just have to make an account and then while you're reading you have to click “renew” once every hour. it took me somewhere around 4-5 hours to read i think. and it was really good.

genuinely. it was a fantastic book. (i ended up later buying it from the regular bookstore because it turns out that walter tevis also happens to be the author of the queen's gambit, that book about chess which has a show based on it, so all his books got a new life thanks to one of them being adapted.)

the book, much like the film, follows an alien called thomas jerome newton who comes to earth to save the few remaining people on his planet, except that this planet has been ravaged by nuclear war. it's also got a name: anthea. a minor issue with the novel is that it contains a lot of info-dumps, even right from the start, but compared to the unexplained torrent of bullshit in the movie, this is a fucking relief. after the pawn-shop scene which plays out pretty similarly to the movie but with more fun, relatable anxiety about being an alien and having to talk to service workers, we get some fairly unimportant and rather strange information about the alien's biology, which is also very silly and kind of fun despite being unoriginal and making no sense. remember, the year was somewhere around 1963 and the man who wrote the book was an english professor at a university. for example, antheans don't have an appendix, or wisdom teeth, or fingernails. don't ask me why. they're basically just humans but taller and thinner and with a lot of parts missing. (i like it though, it's silly.)

the rest of the book actually has a plot, similar to the vestiges of a plot in the film, wherein newton becomes fabulously wealthy, moves to the middle of nowhere with the main girl, builds a rocket-ship, hires nathan bryce who suspects him to be an alien, unrelated to this gets captured by the government, etcetera. these things are actually explained as they happen, and make sense without you having to read a guide alongside the book. in addition to the plot, there are also characters with distinctive personalities. i read the book partly aloud to my friend, and gave the characters actual voices (something i never do when reading aloud). the characters have noticeable changes throughout the novel, and each of the main trio forms a connection with the others. there is no romance plot whatsoever, which was lovely. the characters are very human, very relatable, and very ordinary, despite one of them literally being an alien. they have mundane struggles with life, work, relationships, and addiction, which are not, in my opinion, romanticized or used for spectacle. there are also themes, mainly those of isolation and alienation. it may not be the most thrilling book, there may not be a mystery or a romance or action, so if that's what you want, go read james bond. (the movies are even good, for the most part.) but while walter tevis may not have written an epic spy thriller, or a murder mystery, or an erotic romance, he did write a very beautiful little book about humanity. PLEASE READ IT IT'S SO GOOD PLEASE—

so the thing about the book is that while it is a fantastic, genuinely quite well-written (though dated) sci fi novel with a plot and honestly very likeable characters and themes that make you think instead of pretending to make you think, it does have one problem. it puts into high relief just how absolutely fucking awful the movie is, worse than i could have thought, worse than the world could have known. it is my sincere belief that the screenwriter HEARD of the book from a friend and then read it in it's entirety…during an acid-fuelled fever dream. (not as unlikely as you'd think honestly.)

but the problem with that theory is that that upon rewatching the film, there are several incredibly specific elements from the book which somehow ended up in the movie. this includes the painting of the fall of icarus and its accompanying poem, the hundreds of identical wedding rings which newton sells in the beginning to make enough money to meet with the lawyer, the shiny fingernails??? (sidenote i feel like bowie just kept putting on more nail polish as filming went on, his nails seem to get shinier every scene), the fucking oatmeal cookies (why), and probably others. this means that the filmmakers read the book and decided to replace all the themes and metaphors with surface-level spectacle, all of the plot-relevant internal monologue with shots of characters staring at one another or into space, and all of the dialogue with sex. (and everyone else was too high to argue, i suppose.)

this is such a tragedy that i can hardly comprehend it. there are even flashes, within the film, of what it could have been if nic roeg hadn't been entirely absorbed in making a cheap-looking, disjointed, “artsy” pile of garbage with an r rating slapped on to garner some kind of reaction. i would call it a porno, but that's an insult to porn directors. instead i will call it what it is, which is pathetic.

in one scene which appears to be entirely original wherein the two main characters (because nathan bryce is a sidenote of a sidenote in this movie and serves only to make bowie look prettier than he is in the ending scene) are hanging out in the hotel room and mary-lou (in the book she's called betty jo but they changed her name and aged her down about twenty years so that they could make her have sex with the main character) asks what newton does for a living and he replies, “oh, i'm just visiting,” and mary-lou, delighted, says “oh! a traveller!” and newton (bowie) gives this sweet smile and for a moment i could pretend that everything was going to be fine, except it wasn't, and the girl immediately begins blabbing again. i just wish that they had included more lines like these, more actual fucking dialogue, because it was the part of the book which i liked the best, along with the possibly-unintentional comedy.

one final thing to note before i close out this chapter is that in the book newton is constantly described as being incredibly fragile, with bones like a bird's, barely able to withstand earth's gravity (that being 3 times the gravity of his own planet, which actually checks out scientifically, and interestingly implies that anthea is slightly smaller than earth) to the point where even being bumped into would probably injure him. being bumped into. so like. if he had sex like he does in the movie he would genuinely probably just fucking die.

stay tuned for more, hopefully i don't lose this manic pixie dream bitch energy by tomorrow morning.

#the man who fell to earth (oh dear god don't send the fangirls after me)#rambling #ooh baby we're back in business for sure

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amethysttribble · 7 days

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Edmure judging Mae's taste in secret boyfriends because if he's gonna have one he should be dating someone cooler than that is cracking me up lol. "The problem isn't that he's gay, it's that Maglor is lame!" Like I'm actually snickering slightly audibly.

Edmure cares a lot of about his brother! He wants him to be happy! To be with someone worthy! Someone cool! And- it must be said- someone who probably fits the Westerosi idea of what the romanticized (? might not be the word I'm looking for) mlm relationship look like in Westeros.

Because I think it's worth noting that- contrary to the show's non-canon exaggerated violence around queerness- in the books there's generally a very quiet 'do not talk about this' kind of... not acceptance. But it was Barristan Selmy, the perfect old man knight himself, who said, "All of King Aegon's children married for love."

He included Prince Daeron and Jeremy Norridge in that.

And comments are made about Oberyn 'bedding both men and women', but it's not given special attention, it's part of his outlandish personality that he has relations with men openly, like he was also a sellsword and a poisoner and has eight bastard daughters and a lover who is a bastard. Ellaria being a bastard and also near his wife is treated as just as, if not more, scandalous. (Though I imagine that's because they're OPEN about their relationship)

It all strikes me as the culture in westeros treating queerness as more of a 'hush hush, inconvenient eccentricity' than any kind of scornful sin. At least, not in the way the show portrayed it. I don't imagine everyone is kind- I have Maglor say as much and Loras imply as much- but we do have quite a few implied historical accounts of gay relationships and that says to me that there's probably a... literary tradition in Westeros about 'warriors' who share a bond deeper than any man can share with a woman.

A 'classical' romance being a concept that exists in Westeros.

And I think most people who have clocked Maedhros as gay (including Catelyn and Edmure) categorize him like that. Edmure especially I think sees it as like... a knightly tale and is COUNFOUNDED and offended by Maglor being a bard asalk;fjsfd.

Catelyn perceives Maedhros choosing to marry a Frey girl as a similar kind of hard but necessary reality of life as she was expected to to fill, 'duty, family, honor', being married off to people she scarcely knew in a far away place, stripped of agency and choice for her family's gain (it's not a perfect analogy, but it makes her feels kinship with him)

That's the thing. As long as he doesn't do anything CRAZY like choose not to marry (cough Blackfish cough) and eschew his duties to House Tully in producing an heir, and keeps his affairs *quiet* its only tad more scandalous than him having a long term lover whose a woman.

Anything more than that would not be met with the same quiet acceptance.

And that, I think, is the cruel part. People look at Maedhros (and Renly, and Loras, and Oberyn) and think: you can have your eccentricities and indulgences, as long as they're quiet and don't interfere with what polite society expects of you.

So yeah... not violent and angry kind of rejection, but a quieter, cold kind.

ANYWAY you didn't ask for this rant! Was just on my mind. Thanks for sparking the thoughts!

#ask #tribble post #everlasting song

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words-after-midnight · 1 month

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I enjoyed your question so much it made me curious so I'm throwing it back to you: what in your WIP would start internet debates if published?

Haha. Can you tell that question was inspired by how I think about this all the time regarding my own WIPs? 😅 Well, two of them in particular, namely Life in Black and White and The Dotted Line.

For Life in Black and White:

The ending and core message will almost certainly be very controversial if the book gets any kind of traction, even just based on the response I've seen to previous books that addressed similar themes and topics. I've tried my best for years to make it come across as intended, but of course, there's only so much I can do. There will be people who will "get it," and people who wildly misinterpret it or approach it with too little nuance (ironic, given that "approaching fundamentally nuanced things without nuance can be dangerous, harmful, and have far-reaching complications" is, like, the core "point" of the story, but I won't get into specifics beyond that because of spoilers).

This story explicitly portrays actual codependency, not the romanticized (and incorrect) version fandom loves to tack onto every mutually obsessive ship. The central dynamic is an ill-defined, intense, and abusive relationship between one person who adopts a permanent caretaker role with regard to the other person, who frequently engages in reckless and unsafe behavior to an extent that is both self-destructive and destructive more generally. The caretaker character has good intentions (you know what they say about those!), but basically loses his entire identity and sense of self in his misguided attempts to care for (read: control) the other character, who does whatever the fuck he wants and is about as "tameable" as a wild dragon. This dynamic is fundamentally cyclical and is only broken when they are separate. If you know anything about libaw, you've probably figured out who I'm talking about. I can only imagine the sheer discourse about their Problematic and Toxic relationship if ever this sees the light of day. I call them trainwreck for a reason!

By the way, that character who allegedly needs to be cared for and protected because, left to his own devices, he just can't help being a living tornado? Yeah, that guy? Main antagonist of the story. Callous, vile, wickedly manipulative, would 100% be either sexualized to hell and back or called "bad queer representation" (among other things) on Tumblr. He is not any of the endearing, hilarious, and/or harmless-looking masks he wears in daily life. He's said and done some absolutely heinous shit. Unfortunately for everyone, the aforementioned caretaker character is WILDLY obsessed with him and thinks he's in love with him. None of these intense romantic feelings are remotely returned, which I expect some readers to understand, while I feel like others will think that there is some particular "special affection" there that Jeff holds for Gabriel and that he just can't express in a "typical" way (I might as well name them, you all know who I'm talking about here), because that's usually how these types of dynamics are written (ie. the "unfeeling" character having one or two close people in their lives they have some genuine affection for).

The exact nature of Jeff's affective disposition will be argued about to shit and probably called "bad representation of neurodivergent people" because he's not a good person - regardless of anything else about him - and displays some aggressive/violent/otherwise unpalatable behavior. He will almost certainly be assumed to be neurodivergent in some way, because it's extremely obvious, but this is why I've never specifically defined or labelled it. I know what he would be labelled as (eg. in a correctional or psychiatric setting), and that's partially what I based my character research on, but I also think labels are just that. They're not an immutable, core aspect of someone, and they're often disputed and debatable. Nuance, right?

I've alluded to this before in previous ask responses, but Jeff experiences a traumatic incident at one point in the story. You see part of his response (which is atypical and not prime-time drama approved), but it's filtered through Gabriel, who is having an overblown vicarious trauma response to this event and handles it extremely poorly, which includes basically making it all about him, because this ridiculous fucking man cannot separate his identity from Jeff to save his damn life (jfc I'm getting heated, lmao). For some people, this will all be completely fine because Jeff is a terrible person, right? Pretty classic Asshole Victim trope going on here. Again, absolutely none of this will pass the social media vibe check.

Speaking of atypical trauma responses: there are several in this story, and I expect to get flack for "unrealistic" or "irresponsible" portrayals of trauma. As in, I have literally seen takes online calling a trauma response I've written an "irresponsible portrayal" in other media, when in fact said response is quite common, just not commonly portrayed. The thing is: if there's one thing I've done in fifteen years of working on this story, it's my fucking research. In some cases I'm also drawing from my own experiences. Most of my characters are trauma survivors to some degree, but I tailor their responses to their characterization. For example: Gabriel lost his mother shortly prior to the beginning of the story, but almost never talks about her or her death, which some may interpret as him being "unaffected" by the loss. Actually, though, Gabriel's grieving process with his mother is functionally identical to mine when my dad passed away at a similar age.

Last but not least (though I'm sure I'm forgetting things): several characters, including Gabriel, have diagnosed mental illnesses, and I don't beat around the bush when it comes to describing the "ugly" symptoms.

For The Dotted Line:

My joking answer is "the whole thing." Like, not literally, but overall it's worse than Life in Black and White when it comes to heavy and controversial.

We've got a realistic American state prison setting in the mid- to late aughts.

We've got a first person narrator with low emotional tone - think A Clockwork Orange. His narrative is like this piece (which is also narrated by him).

We've got a bona fide villain protagonist who is also an incredibly complex character. I try to make you feel conflicted about him on multiple occasions, which I'm sure will go over very well in the world of online discourse.

Not only do we have atypical trauma responses and just mountains of horrific shit that becomes almost mundane given that, again, it's a prison, we get to have all of this filtered by the internal monologue of a guy who lives by his own warped sense of morality, is in warzone mode 24/7, and believes that we live in a world of predators and prey and that "if you play with sharks you can't get all upset about being bitten." Lovely, huh? Can't wait to see how the world wide web dissects this man's behavior and life experiences.

WOW THIS GOT SO LONG AND I'M SORRY, but I'm also not sorry, because this is stuff I think about a lot and it was kind of cathartic to write it out lol.

#libaw #tdl #my characters are excellent specimens of humanity /s #writeblr #ask #sts

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nikethestatue · 2 years

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Genuine question bc I’m new-ish but has the fandom always been this bad? If things went downhill after A court of silver flames I kind of get it because between the pick me girlbosses stabby valkyries, problematic mating bonds being romanticized (what the f was acosf nessian and why is elucien still a thing??) and women changing their anatomy for their men (the handmaid’s tale but make it smutty fantasy) you’re definitely going to attract a certain.. type... of readers, but I’ve never seen this level of problematic and misogynistic so I was wondering if perhaps something happened in the past as well? Like the author being problematic or writing something problematic (I read tog years ago and I don’t remember much from it) that shaped the fandom to the mess that it is now

I wasn't here when TOG was being written/published. I think the readership was a lot smaller, but I do know there was the Chaol/Aelin/Rowan thing where everyone was up in arms over Chaol. I think there was a lot less social media as well, which, in the current environment is what is stoking the flames, I think. People are saying stupid, inflammatory things for likes and clicks.

None of it is really 'real'. I am sure there are genuine Gwynriels in this fandom who truly believe and contribute, but the rest are just there for the ride.

I think that people can read books, much darker than ACOTAR, with much darker heroes and separate reality from fantasy. At some point, I feel like it broke down for the ACOTAR fandom. Why that is, I am not sure.

I mean, I don't blame SJM. I don't want to blame writers for writing books. I don't want to only read 'appropriate' books, which have been scrubbed of any and all darkness/controversy. I just feel like adults should read adult books and expect that these books will contain adult themes. I don't know if I, as a reader, must agree with everything that a writer writes. I choose to read it, and if I am unhappy, i can always put the book away.

Honestly, nothing annoys me more than a laundry list of 'trigger warnings' in books. If you pick up a Reverse Harem or a bully book or something that's billed a 'dark romance', what the fuck do you expect? Gentle lovemaking? You think there wouldn't be swearing? Dubious consent? Some kind of emotional abuse?

With ACOSF, I think it wasn't properly marketed as an adult book. That was the problem. Like it's more of an erotic fantasy book, and it shouldn't be read by 12-14 year olds. They latched onto Gwyn, because Nesta and Cassian were 'too grown up' and that's why Nessian has been completely replaced by Gwynriel (which doesn't even exist!!!). Teens wanted to read a teen romance, which ACOSF didn't supply, so they created one of their own.

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theoptimisticdaydreamer · 10 months

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There has been a pattern I am noticing in shows that aggressively push the “childhood friends to lovers” pipeline as being ~one true love~…is that there is a very particular dynamic that is being supported. One that involves the male character disrespecting the female character for years.

Whether this be through

A) straight out verbally insulting (cruelly I might add) her appearance, her opinions, her actions, her interests (the list could go on)

AND/OR

B) taking her for granted. the female counterpart is a exceedingly kind human being and he walks all over her. Never says thank you, never recognizes her value as his friend, never makes her feel special. Never acknowledges her as an important person in his life in public once he gets old enough (because usually said male counterpart becomes part of the popular crowd). Turns a blind eye to her entire life. Expects and assumes for her to always be there (unchanged and perfect) regardless of how he treats her—An emotional servant.

He only realizes his feelings when his “childhood love” starts living a life completely independent of him. When she has found happiness with someone else who treats her well and not like she is a second priority. When she finds hobbies and interests that take her out of his shadow.

When she moves on.

This personal and character growth that she is achieving is then sabotaged by the writers because you know one true love…. The guy she was infatuated with when she was in diapers is the only one meant for her. What is otherwise a healthy relationship gets ruined because of completely manufactured drama (that does not make sense should anyone have paused and taken a second to actually think) that drives her back into Guy 1’s arms. This drama not only is blown completely out of proportion but is not actually how those characters would react based on their growth up until that point.

Guy 1 hasn’t changed at all. He expects things to “go back to normal” except now “she is mine”. Almost as if the girl is an object and the only thing he cared about was making sure no one else “had her”- not truly about her as a person. Her autonomy, her opinion, her wants and desires, are secondary in this discussion. He has barely worked on himself and has enough baggage to sink a ship.

Her life once again revolves around Guy 1. She changes herself once again to fit Guy 1. He maybe uses three less insulting adjectives when describing her and smiles at her a little more. The background characters think they are perfect together (bonus points if you throw in the words destiny and fate). They kiss and live happily ever after.

Why is this being idealized and romanticized?! Why is this held up as the definition of the perfect love story?!

WHY IS THIS SOMETHING THE AUDIENCE IS TOLD WE SHOULD ASPIRE TO HAVE?!

Why is this story arc presented as this is what true love looks like??!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

LET CHARACTERS ROMANTICALLY GROW OUT OF SOMEONE THEY KNEW WHEN THEY WERE FIVE.

Especially when their dynamic IS NOT HEALTHY.

Women are not a prize. Men are not entitled to girls they knew when they were younger simply because of the kindergarten argument of I saw her first. Being disrespected and ignored and taken for granted should not be excused. No one deserves to be with someone who makes them feel like they were a second choice, a lower priority, a charity case. Everyone deserves to feel happy and loved in their relationships from the very beginning.

Healthy relationships should be celebrated!! Character growth should be applauded! Proper communication and conflict resolution should be demonstrated!

If you are going to do childhood friends to lovers, do it right.

Or let the childhood crush be only a stop in the journey and not the end destination.

People can fall in love more than once.

Also, this trend pops up especially in book series that have been translated for television. Book series that themselves were problematic, poorly written, and dated. Book series in which several other elements were changed but this was kept (out of the writers’ “infinite wisdom”). This particular storyline is overdue for a rewrite.

Let’s stop taking our romantic cues from decades old badly written romance novels.

#my thoughts #venting about the current wolf covered in sheep’s clothing called childhood friends to lovers #it only works well if YOU ARE ACTUALLY FRIENDS and there is a MUTUAL RESPECT #I saw her first does not excuse any of your terrible behavior up until your feelings revelation dude #let people move on #can the writers also stop sabotaging perfectly good healthy romantic relationships just because he isn’t guy 1 #leave these relationships alone and let them grow and prosper #they will work I promise

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bandedbulbussnarfblat · 1 year

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Island chapter 2

here is the second chapter of my Armand/Daniel fic Island. or read it below

The next two weeks, Daniel spends moping. Not that he’d call it that. But all he does is sit around in his sweatpants, watch television and sleep. He hasn’t even spoken to his publisher about the book that is now not happening.

Probably. He could just end the story with Lestat dying. Hell, maybe even add a scene where Louis and Lestat reunite. It would be fake, but then, no one is going to believe in vampires are they? It’ll be treated like a work of fiction.

Mostly, he tries not to think of Armand. Mostly, he fails.

It’s enough to drive him to wanting a fix, something stronger than alcohol. And isn’t that just peachy? He’s been clean over twenty years, but this is making him want to relapse.

He doesn’t.

What he needs is perspective. He’ll go back to Night Island, let himself soak in the old memories. The fighting, the leaving and returning, the addiction. He’ll see it in all its horror and stop romanticizing what he and Armand had.

It hadn’t been love. Not really.

He arrives at the island to find it deserted. The mall is shut down, but the house still seems okay. The spare key is where Daniel remembers hiding it, under that bench in the garden. Stepping inside is like stepping back in time.

The decor screams of the late 70’s. The walls are covered in wallpaper showing geometric patterns in shades of orange and white. There’s shag carpet, the pristine white faded to a duller cream from time. There’s a light orange wrap-around couch that Daniel drops his bags onto.

He putters into the bedroom and changes the sheets to the fresh ones he packed. When he checks, there’s still sheets and blankets in the linen closet. Not that he’d use them, they’ve been sitting in the closet for decades. Everything seems to be just as he left it, all those years ago. It’s like a moment trapped in time.

Being here makes Daniel feel sick to his stomach.

Now that he’s here, all he can think of is Armand. The bad times, yes, but the good times too. And there were more good times than bad, weren’t there? The bad times were just really bad.

This isn’t the effect he wanted. He wanted to come here to find some kind of closure. Now, he aches with loneliness. This house feels empty without Armand. To take his mind off of his memories, he goes to the one place he’s never been inside the house. The cellar.

Armand had always forbidden him to enter. And as much as Daniel liked to push the limits with Armand, he knew when something was serious. So he never went. He’d tried to ask Armand about it, but Armand had been dodgy.

What’s down there is a black coffin. The gold inlay has designs on it, that once Daniel looks closer he can see are human figures, seemingly being tortured in the fires of hell. Disturbing, is what it is.

Well, at least he didn’t find any bodies down here. He half expected to find remains of Armand’s ‘experiments.’

The lid to the coffin flings open and Daniel cries out. Then, before he can blink, arms have him bundled against a solid chest and he’s being zipped back into the sitting room. He’s dropped unceremoniously onto the couch.

Looking down at him is Armand.

“I should have expected you to go to the one place you were forbidden.”

“You don’t get to forbid me to do things anymore.”

Armand sighs softly and comes to sit next to him. “Why are you here, Daniel?”

“Why are you?”

Armand gives a crooked smile. “Likely the same reason as you.”

It’s as good an answer as he’s likely to get with Armand. And seeing him here is making Daniel feel strange. It’s like they’re them again. Armand gazes at him tenderly, naked emotion in his eyes. “I’ve missed you so very much over these long years, my boy.”

“I’m not your fucking boy. Not anymore.”

Armand raises a hand and cups his face. “You could be. Be mine again, Daniel.”

“Just like that? You think I’m supposed to forgive you that easy?” Daniel says, and pushes his hand away.

“What can I do to make it up to you? Anything you want, my love, I’ll do it.” Armand’s gaze is intense and blazing, his hand now on Daniel’s leg, thumb rubbing over his knee. He’s weak but what Daniel wants, what he really wants is…

But no, he can’t have that.

Armand must read the thought anyway, because suddenly, he kisses Daniel. He means to push Armand off, but somehow he opens his mouth to his tongue and his back hits the couch. Then Armand is on top of him, jerking Daniel’s thighs open and grinding against him while his mouth drives him crazy.

He breaks away from Daniel’s mouth to kiss down his neck, sucking and biting. His hands find the opening of Daniel’s jeans and undoes it. “Let me take you to bed, beloved.”

Daniel shakes his head and grinds up against Armand. “No, get off me.”

“Darling, you’re holding me in place.”

Daniel releases his grip on Armand’s hips. He hadn’t even realized he’d grabbed him.

Armand kisses along his jaw, sucks at his ear lobe. “Let me make love to you. Just one more time.”

Daniel swallows the rising lump in his throat. Just one last time. That’s not so bad. “Just once, for closure. As a goodbye.”

“As a goodbye,” Armand repeats and brings Daniel’s hands to his mouth. He kisses the back of each. It makes Daniel shiver.

One last time. Then it’s over.

“Alright, take me to bed.”

#iwtv fic #daniel molloy #armand #armand/daniel #daniel/armand

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highpri3stess · 1 year

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As a book person (literature, mostly) I can boldly say that I preferred it when booktok did not exist.

When I got tiktok, I wanted to find a niche of people that are my kind of people who read literature and other books. I also wanted more recommendations because who doesn't like reading new books?

But then falling into the booktok hole I discovered two things; 1. Either people just by books for the aesthetic cover and keep it in the shelves for the dark academia aura and 2. The books that people do read are actually very terrible.

I don't like judging books based on other reviews but it's one of these situation where the critics are right. Let me use Collen Hoover for example. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt that she could write abuse correctly. I've read 'Loilita' a little and I saw how the author frames it in such a way that you KNOW you're seeing the story from the point of view and it evokes disgust and anger at his actions. But with characters such as Lily and Ryle and all the books she's written, the concept of romanticizing abuse is so staple in her books, it's considered normal and sweet. I don't have a problem with her writing about abuse and someone falling for their abuser and being trapped with them. I don't have a problem with the character thinking the abuse is something romantic to them (because hell, it happens). I don't have a problem with Hoover writing about problematic stuff.

I have a problem with it's depiction in the eyes of the reader. Even if you are god's strongest soldier, I kid you not, Hoover's style depicts abuse as a normalized type of thing or something that is only important to drive the plot forward. The diction used to describe the feeling is so bad, like as if nothing is wrong when there are things that are just off. Even Stephanie Myers' depiction of Bella and Edward's relationship has you thinking 'something's off about these two' but there are no sort of alarming sounds available in Hoovers writing.

Then the LGBTQA+ fiction is another disappointing area. I would see 'oh a gay retelling of beauty and the beast with poc' and it's just like a bland book with poor diction and romance between two white gay characters and their black bestie that supports them. I refuse to read a 'oh it's a queer love story book' without describing the plot. It's like telling me 'Oh this man and this woman fell in love' or 'a woman is the main character' and you expect me to like read that??

You may say what makes me a judge of that? Yeah, I write shitty fanfics of my blorbos so I can't really say anything right? Well, if someone who writes 4k words of shitty unrealistic smut is telling you that booktok books are worse for wear, it means that the situation is that bad.

No booktok book quells my interest as a reader. It doesn't keep me on my toes nor does it evoke any form of critical thinking in me except to just give the book to charity. It evokes no emotions from me because booktok writers are not treating it like an art, they're treating it like a cash grabbing attempt. Every booktok book has the emotion of a bland cardboard paper.

Also, the lack of nuance of readers these days is just painful. You call the author of 'Lolita' a pervert but you swear up and down 'It ends with us' is the best romance novel you've ever read.

#i thought booktok was like a book club thingy but unfortunately no #these are my takes #booktok #fanfic #books #literature #intellect is dead and we've spat on it's grave #collen hoover

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