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sparklepirate · 8 months

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Alright, final thoughts on Inheritance.

;-;

Eragon continues to be the guy of all time. I love him. He really displayed a maturity in this book that I think supersedes anything we've seen of him in all the previous books, and just like... His strength really is that he is compassionate and thoughtful towards everyone. Even Murtagh, now, too. He had the realization of how close he was to sharing his fate, sought to understand him, and that was ultimately what led him to realizing his true name had changed, tearing down Galbatorix's wards, etc etc. I don't know that I could properly articulate everything about him here, but Eragon definitely became the hero he needed to be by the end of the series, 100%. He is the only person who could've possibly thought of the final piece of magic to defeat Galbatorix. Even the dreams of starlings are equal to the worries of a king. Ahhh, it's so good. ❤️ I'm so proud of him.

On the other hand, Barst was some bullshit. Bro. Like, on the one hand, it was a very good climactic battle for Roran to participate in, and his triumph was the perfect culmination of his character- cunning in battle, cunning in strategy, the intelligence and charisma to sway everyone around him into cooperating and working together, sheer determination so intensely strong that he was able to crush and Eldunarí with his bare hands. His role was perfect! But Barst as a villain was kinda... Well, first of all, he came completely the fuck out of nowhere. He wasn't mentioned at all until they were already on their way to Uru'baen, and then he was only MENTIONED. They didn't hype him up enough before the actual battle in my opinion. And ONE human and one Eldunarí being enough to beat the QUEEN OF THE ELVES in hand to hand combat...? I mean, I guess that could work but... Ehhh... I dunno. It kind of felt like an excuse for Islanzadí to die, and Roran to triumph more than anything. It was cool, but it was probably the weakest part of the plot in my opinion.

That said though I think it's pretty safe to say this was my favorite book of the series. I'm having trouble recalling all the iconic shit (I took a pretty long break from reading about halfway through the book) but there was soooo much cool stuff in here. The Nasuada being kidnapped and being helped by Murtagh arc is GOLD, Vroengard was amazing, and all the battles were SO well written??? I need to study these books more closely just to learn how to write compelling fight scenes. Honestly, it's gripping stuff. I was on the edge of my seat, despite knowing how everything turns out.

Nasuada is amazing, Arya is amazing, Saphira is amazing, Roran is amazing, MURTAGH is amazing... I think I already liked basically every character in this series going in, but I somehow like them even more now that I've read it again. Everyone is so good, and interesting, and I want to be everyone's friend. I think the only character I liked less this go around was Orrin (sorry to my Orrin stan friend out there). That said, though, I don't dislike him, I think I just went from positive to neutral about him.

Orrin honestly just didn't get nearly as much screen time as I remembered? We only see him a handful of times throughout the book and each time the only thing he's doing is getting drunk and making an ass of himself, though... Idk, he also has a point? He has his own unique point of view, and his own unique experiences that lead him to his own ideas of how to conduct things, and it is definitely kind of true that like no one ever really listens to him or takes him seriously, despite being the King of Surda for w while at that point. I don't think there was a more graceful solution to the division of power/territory after Galbatorix was killed than what was decided upon, because like... Realistically, Orrin was never gonna be high king. He had good reason to assert for the throne, sure, but actually ascending to the throne? That is SUCH a far reach for power, unless the aim was to assimilate Surda in and have all of the humans under one crown. Nah, Nasuada giving up territory and ascending to the throne was the better choice, even if I do empathize with Orrin's point of view. It seems like Nasuada did as well, because even though she was persistent, she seemed to be gentle and sympathetic with him. He even had his line about like... "Why do you even want to do this?" "None of you would understand." Idk. Very interesting, but not tremendously notable compared to others, and he definitely was a bit of an asshole at times.

Murtagh my beloved my BELOVED I'm honestly just gonna make a whole separate essay post about him because his shit is Complicated™️ but one little note it was such a small detail at the end but I love that he said to Eragon "Hey check in on Arya about killing Shruikan. It couldn't have been easy for an elf to kill a dragon." And Eragon hadn't even THOUGHT of that and Arya probably would've been the last thing on his mind but he still was just so thoughtful. He is thoughtful like his brother and he cares so deeply and AHHH!!! And actually I want to see him and Arya be buds. I think they would have a cool dynamic. And also I love that he never once hesitated to acknowledge Eragon as his brother and just wanted to be with him and finally Eragon also acknowledged him as a brother too that last scene with them was just so good 🥹

Also I love how Thorn's like only spoken line in the whole series (until November) is to boop Eragon on the forehead and say "Hi. Thank you for not killing my rider. :)" and Murtagh is just like "Yeah thanks for that. 😒"

Love how quick Saphira and Fírnen hit it off lol. They really played tag and wrestled for like five minutes and then were like "Alright we're gonna go fuck like now see y'all later ✌️" And Eragon's like "Is this??? Okay???" And Saphira's like "Pfft dragon's don't mate for life 🤷‍♀️" Their little romance was so cute.

CAN WE FUCKING TALK ABOUT QUEEN AND RIDER ARYA??? That shit is by FAR the wildest endgame decision Chris made because like. That. That's so fucking. Oh my god??? Like, one, poor Arya!! She just wanted to be a rider and have adventures! She probably would've either spent her time happy herrying eggs across Alegaësia, or she would've gone with Eragon to Mount Arngor, but you can NOT convince me that she would be particularly happy as queen. She's grieving the loss of her mother that she barely had a relationship with, and denied the other eleven leaders for a full week before they convinced her to do it!!! Girlie!!! You deserve to be happy!!! And, two, the obvious point of holy shit that is such an enormous power imbalance in favor of the elves. Like, there is a REASON the riders were separate in the first place!! And, you know, Galbatorix JUST died and now there is another rider/monarch and it's the ELVES who have historically been both the most powerful race, and the race with the best relationship with the dragons. And Arya is the ONLY RIDER LEFT IN ALEGAËSIA!!! Because Eragon is gone (and stubbornly convinced that He Shall Never Again Return Oh Woe Is Him) and Murtagh is... Also gone to an extent. He at the very least holds no political power. Basically everyone hates him, and those that don't can't do more than, like, pardon him, for whatever that's worth. I just can't see this not rubbing people the wrong way, and not coming to an eventual head. Nasuada and Arya are both great, but I just get the feeling there is going to eventually be some sort of conflict between them, no matter how much neither of them want it. I do think Arya is perhaps the least corruptible person, other than maybe Eragon but... I don't knowwww maaaan it's complicated!!

Also I regret to inform everyone that rereading the last little bit did make me ship Eragon and Arya a teensy tinsy itty little bit. Just a liiiiittle bit. Like idk the last fairth and the telling each other their true names and calling each other their true names and Eragon's grief at leaving and his vow to love her forever and her insinuation of maybe one day just got to me alright???

There were a lot of cool magic things in this book! Like the pocket space that the Eldunarí were kept in? Cuaroc's body? More shit that I'm forgetting? God I would just love, like, a magical encyclopedia or something idk. Lots of cool shit. And artifacts!! I want to learn about more magical artifacts.

Also at my Galbatorix stan mutual? I'm a certified Murtagh Girlie™️ and therefore obligated to hold a grudge but like. I do get it. He is a... Very competent villain.

Alright I think that's it for now but. Wow. Man oh man. There is a reason I love this series. I'll probably think of some more things to talk about later, and I'm gonna be participating in the Big Bang, and I'll probably post about The Fork, The Witch, and The Worm as I reread that but yeah!!! Can't wait for November!!

#can't WAIT for November!!!#ashna reads the inheritance cycle #inheritance cycle #eragon #inheritence #murtagh morzansson #saphira #murtagh thornsrider #nasuada #roran stronghammer

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goblins-riddles-or-frocks · 4 months

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What does Éminence Grise's Darkling think of Alina?

OMG idk if it’s a formatting error or a tumblr glitch but the bold is killing me So we have established that this is not a formatting error and actually I love that more 😂😂

I find this surprisingly difficult to answer, because I keep falling back on describing the relationship/how he actually treats Alina as opposed to his thoughts. His thoughts are trickier to articulate because he has multiple levels of bias going on.

The fic is set an ambiguous number of years after when S&B takes place but with the big difference that the stag never was in imminent danger of being found and therefore Baghra never did the thing. Alina never ran away, and they never had a big gloves off, falling out.

A lot of my typical interpretation of Alarkling as a ship, and how I view his feelings about her, hinge on him having preconceived expectations that don’t really match her personality. But I do think, as the series progresses, who she really is and how that surprises and confounds him, solidifies their dynamic and does make him more wretchedly obsessed lol. There’s some cognitive dissonance between the sort of white knuckle control he wants, and what he actually responds to as a person.

This fic is basically a scenario where he’s been able to get to know her under far less dramatic circumstances, and has had several years to try to force her into his preferred mold. And before the actual events of the fic, I think he’s basically been as successful as he can possibly get?

His standards are simply unattainable, and he’s baseline moody and inconsistent, but he has pretty much eroded nearly all of her boundaries. She is entirely emotionally dependent on him, though she’s mostly content to let him be cold to her and keep her at arm’s length. His values are the main standard she holds herself to— both simply because they are his, and his good opinion is practically the only one that matters to her, but over time she has genuinely absorbed a lot of his opinions. She appears to be fully content to remain within the constraints of the power dynamics of their relationship, where she’s basically forever a pupil learning at his feet. If they disagree— which they basically have not in any material way, they’re fighting in the story rn but it’s not really been disagreement— she’s learned to capitulate and assume she’s incorrect. Their primary conflicts stem from his inconsistency and temper, which she’s learned to mostly just wait out.

So in short, he thinks the relationship is going great! Or at least that it has been until the engagement nonsense that will obviously blow over soon. (lol. lmao)

Moving past their dynamic in practice to what he actually thinks of her, I think he primarily thinks of her, very simply, as his. That possessive element is the defining aspect. She’s his like girlfriend-protégée, diamond in the rough who isn’t anywhere near her final state yet. She’s only in her malleable first century or whatever, like she barely even counts as a fully formed person yet ajdjfhffd

He likes her, and has genuine rapport with her— I think that’s something that exists in canon. And while I cannot speak to the success of it, I’ve definitely tried to write them here with a lot of genuine familiarity and intimacy. I think he’s already pretty damn emotionally compromised, but from his own point of view he’d only really allow that he’s fond of her and feels indulgent of her youth/willfulness/silliness etc. But at the end of the day, he mostly thinks of her as something that is his to mold.

She asks him in one of the recent-ish chapters whether her feelings matter to him, and… basically they do not tbh. She has been literally trying to break up with him for multiple chapters and her input matters little enough that he’s not even actually registering it!

What he’s responding negatively to is more that she’s acting in ways he doesn’t like, that she seems genuinely invested in her engagement, and that she’s actually holding a grudge when he treats her poorly. She’s also completely correct in surmising that he’s so cold to her mostly because he is feeling jealous, and insecure, and wants to hurt her just to know that he can, as proof that she loves him and can be hurt by him. He’s only comfortable with a dynamic that’s dramatically in his favor. So being on any sort of emotionally even footing, let alone uneven in her favor, where he would be the one feeling jealous, results in him lashing out at her to “get even.”

But he’s not genuinely internalizing that she wants to end their relationship, that that is something she can even do or have a say in. He just doesn’t take it seriously enough to even get mad about it.

Anyway, this is something that’s not really specified in canon, and seems to be easy to interpret either way, but Grisha longevity seems to hinge on how much power they have. And S&B seems to imply Alina actually isn’t that powerful before the amplifiers. So for the purposes of this fic, to lean into the fundamentally transformative nature of his designs on her, Alina isn’t immortal on her own, and they both know this. Without the stag, she could have a, not necessarily ordinary, but at least uh… fathomable life, that’s probably somewhat long lived, but not anything that’s unheard of for Grisha. But he’s planning to elevate her to basically an immortal, unknowable state, that is going to inherently cut her off from all former, mortal, peers— because he also assumes there’s no merit in forming any real attachments if everyone you know will die in the blink of an eye. I don’t think Alina would necessarily reach that conclusion? But we’re talking about what he thinks.

Meanwhile, I want to stress that immortality has not been a particularly positive experience for him! He might think it’s genuinely an honor to elevate someone like that, that she should be grateful for it, but it’s also not not a cruel act, even from his own perspective. And that’s of course not even getting into how he very much stil intends to kill the stag himself so that he can take control of the amplifier, and her power.

#grishaverse #shadow and bone #alarkling #darklina #all the bendy punctuations #a mysterious stranger has appeared #i ramble sometimes #meta #I guess #of my own fic 🙃#éminence grise #long post

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manstrans · 10 months

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I feel like “children should not have their privacy in the hands of Uber controlling parents that are basically stalking them and causing them harm” and “the internet is not safe for children and they should not have social media accounts until a certain age/parents should learn to allow their children agency while monitoring their safety online with a healthy communication model and/or monitoring their social media usage” are things that can and should coexist. But also abusive parents just shouldn’t have kids LMAO but you don’t need me to say that.

And there must also be a dialogue about how on the internet children who are not an appropriate age to be left unsupervised are consistently exposed to content (I was I was younger being a liveleak kid, and now there is/was Ankha Zone and Cupcakke memes on tiktok or the few instances of graphic gore and death footage being passed around) that they should not be seeing. I should not have been seeing 8 year olds talking graphically about sex the way I was on platforms like tiktok.

“But children deserve a place on the internet,” people may say — to which I agree, but you’re also talking about the same internet where shit like Ankha Zone was exposed to young children and I was exposed to actual IRL gore when I was 5-11.

“Children deserve a place on the internet” absolutely can, should and must co-exist with acknowledging how unsafe the internet is for them, because no matter how hard we advocate for filtering and tagging and stuff like that there will always be someone somewhere who will find their way around it.

We must also recognize that parental safety features, while they can and WILL be used by people that most certainly should NOT have kids, are also very important — what about parents who are not cruel overbearing assholes? What if they have an open communication model as I’ve mentioned before with mutual respect etc etc and they DO have a good relationship and therefore are capable of using these tools for the advantages of both parent and child? What if for a moment these tools could prevent someone from turning out like a liveleak kid or what have you if they were handled in the right hands by a parent who isn’t a helicoptery abusive shitstain?

Idk it’s hard to articulate but it is a very wide and nuanced argument and I feel like a lot of people miss out on the capability of using these types of things for good because they get so caught up in how it will be used for evil by people who should, again, not have kids. It’s also so hard to try and bring up how these tools can be useful and healthy for the child (again if the parent and child have a good relationship built on open communication trust and respect and the parent isn’t you know hovering constantly) without someone wanting to tunnel vision on something and call me an abuser for just… advocating for the safety of children online and how certain tools can be used for such when the internet is full of people (see: trolls) who will do anything to get around filtering?

Idk I do hope this made sense I did just wake up from an afternoon nap LMAO.

I get what you're getting at, but tbh it's also like... there's a huge difference between a 10 year old and a 13 year old using the internet. at the point where a child is going to be talking to people online, especially people they met through the internet, they should already be old enough to have this as a space away from their parents strict watch

sure, you can ask your kid before monitoring what they do online, but are they allowed to say no? and if they are, do they know they're allowed to? has there been a previous pattern of not letting them say no and set boundaries that could make them think that saying no will, at best, do nothing?

will monitoring them in this way even protect them? how are you supposed to know that someone is a predator just from their icon and username? does being able to pry just at that information make your child free like you don't trust them, so they must hide anything that could cause even less trust or more shame? not to mention teaching them that this kind of spying is okay as long as the person doing it has power over them

and even if you could answer all of those confidently that there's no inherent harm, there's still going to be bad people abusing it. it doesn't matter that some parents might use it responsibly, we know that many parents are going to use it to control and traumatize their kids. and abusive partners could use it to track their significant other as well, this is also basically a given

when I weigh any potential good against any certain bad, it just isn't worth it in my eyes

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ofhouseadama · 2 years

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I found a past post from you of how very much Julian would want to be protected/rescued by Garak but also being unable to articulate that or even realize it. And Yes Garak is all about the physical protection, conniving to get anyone who would harm Julian destroyed, threatening the life of anyone (S31) who tried to force him into something he didn’t want, etc.

But I’m weak for the idea of Julian getting triggered by something (war trauma? Patient loss? Missing friends? Anti-augment news from the federation? The sight of a family with a child with learning disabilities who obviously love that child? Idk) and Garak just… emotionally protecting him. Getting him home where he can take him into his arms and stroke his hair and murmur “I know, dearest” very softly to him. And Julian…just loses his shit. Full-body shaking sobs and clutching him hard enough to make an unintended tear in his tunic and repeating “don’t go” over and over whilst he struggles to breathe. Not even fully as a reaction to the upsetting event but because he’s having an emotional release/upheaval in that he didn’t think this kind of care was something he could have. And the thought of losing it-even just because Garak wanted to end the embrace too soon for Julian’s standards-is suddenly Unbearable.

Oh for sure.

I think, in general based on what we see on the show, Julian is someone who is adept at shoving things down for a long long time before they come back up with the force of an erupting volcano. He's gonna take in the distressing information and immediately shove it down to avoid processing it and feeling the distressing emotion. And that makes him a good doctor and an excellent trauma surgeon, especially once the war starts! He compartmentalizes his emotions very well! He absolutely compartmentalizes them too well.

So does Garak. Or well, so did Garak. We see Garak hit that wall a couple of times during the show, but he's about twenty or so more years traumatized than Julian. He's at capacity. The wheels are falling off. Especially once the reality of Cardassia's immediate future finally lands for him in season seven.

They're both just staggering on, barely putting one foot in front of the other, by the end of the Dominion War. Mentally. But give them a task and they will continue, loping along, no matter how bad the injury is. And Garak's just been given a very big task: save Cardassia. Save her people.

And Julian is left to flounder. He's in fucking free fall. His friends and support network are dead or gone, his purpose is gone, he's got Section 31 breathing down his neck, and his C-PTSD now has a bunch of brand new violent trauma dumped on it. He, once more, can never go home again. DS9 will never be home again. Earth will never be home again. Starfleet may never be home again. He is outrunning the one mistake that will send him to an institution or into exile.

Which is why I love fics that have Julian running away -- to Betazed, to the Gamma Quadrant, to Cardassia. That boy is a runner, let him run! He's gonna outrun the trauma until it catches up to him and he hasn't let it catch him yet! But oh boy is that monster of childhood and now war trauma coming close to getting it's fingers in the back of his shirt and feasting on his psyche! I love the idea of Julian either fully going AWOL or otherwise putting in for a transfer/volunteering to go to Cardassia, thinking that it'll distract him. That he'll just be able to ignore his feelings for Garak and ignore his trauma like he always has. Because why won't he? He's been doing that for eight years. He's an expert.

But then he arrives on the planet's surface, six months after the bombardment, and gets slam dunked into a struggling rural hospital on the northern continent that needs a pediatrician who's not afraid of trauma... and simply never gets a moment to come up for air. He never even gets a moment to tell Garak that he's there. But it feels like he belongs to a crew again, and slowly starts to make friends again, has to throw all his extra energy in learning how to cook and how to be a plumber and how to be an electrician and any of the hundreds of things the people in the region need him to be and while he's just there to serve and to distract himself and to run away from himself... he ends up finding himself. Finding a community. Finding a place to exist and to breathe. And he starts to unspool, just a little, but it's okay because they're all struggling and all unspooling and all drinking too much and all being a little too reckless and far too restless, both the Federation aid workers and the Cardassians alike.

When snow comes to Cardassia for the first time in a millennia, it comes to the northern continent.

And when Garak arrives on the government transport bringing aid and relief workers, he finds Julian with a beard, wearing the ugliest sweater in the known universe, and speaking some hick dialect of Kardasi with a sick and snot-nosed toddler on his hip and understands why none of his subspace messages have been opened in eight months.

Because holy fuck has it been hard. Supplies are scarce and the terrain has been changed by the bombardment and the weather is violent and the water isn't safe to drink and food? I hope you like rations. There's hope for the next harvest but the one they were supposed to live on this winter never grew at all, not with the amount of chemical waste in the soil. The children are sick and the children are starving and the children need radiation medication and the children need vaccines and the children are injured, disabled, orphaned. But they are loved. And it's been absolutely intolerable. And Julian hasn't gotten a break once, which means he's never had to deal with it but also means he's exhausted. The only reason he's been getting by is because no one here knows him, not really, not well enough to call him out on it. And certainly no one here has the impetus to call him out on it, when they're all doing as poorly as he is -- certainly the Cardassians, but the Federation aid workers as well. They're all dealing with something. On the run from something. Avoiding their own truths and own pasts and their own pain. Because if they feel it at all, it's game over.

But Garak knows Julian. He knows that someone who is okay doesn't give up their post as CMO on a cushy space station in order to disappear into the frontier of rural Cardassia. He knows how abruptly Julian left. He's been worried and Julian has never worried him before. So he tries to get Julian alone, and Julian fights it, and Julian avoids him and it's just like during the war but this time there's no holosuite to break into.

So he corners Julian in the repurposed supply closet that is his office. And asks him what in the fuck is Julian doing here, because he's livid and concerned and just like, Julian, so, so tired.

And Julian knows why he's here, but doesn't want to think about why he's here, has spent the better part of a year not thinking about it. He's fallen out of contact with the people who love him in order to not think about it. He's been sleeping on a hard cot in his office on the pediatric ward to not think about it. He's been drinking too much, working too much, throwing himself fully into helping this community in order to not think about it.

But Garak is precise and needling and has never given up on something even once in his life so he keeps going until the cracks show in Julian's anger. He is an interrogator and a torturer and he knows. He knows. He's always known. And the breakdown Julian's been postponing since he was fifteen finally happens, in part because it has to and in part because he knows Garak will shoot anyone who comes through that door. He is safer here than anywhere else he has ever been in his life.

Garak knows how to take someone apart as quickly and efficiently as any surgeon, but has never really learned how to put them back together. But he's also always been a quick learner. When Julian collapses down onto the cot behind his desk, he asks if he wants him to go -- and gets a swift and choked off, no. Please don't go. You can't go now. So he stands between Julian's legs and lets him rest his forehead on his stomach. Puts his hands on Julian's shoulders, stroking gently, then his hair. For all that comfort is a foreign country, he's seen it given and taken. So he just doesn't move, and however long it takes is how long it takes.

Eventually, Julian gets a page from his charge nurse -- an infant has come in with febrile seizures -- and he has to go. The moment breaks. And they could both choose to not acknowledge it, to let it become another moment in a long line a moments that could have meant something. Could have built to something. But Julian wipes his eyes before checking to see if his tricorder is still in his coat jacket, and asks Garak if he'll still be there when his shift ends.

Garak says this is where they're stopping for the night. Then, hesitating for only a moment, offers Julian the spare keycard for the room he's been assigned for the night at the only hotel in town.

And Julian takes it.

#ask #anonymous #otp: there's hope for you yet #emily watches ds9 #do they fuck? maybe #but also maybe julian just needs a semi-comfortable bed and to get his hair petted

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caffernnn · 1 year

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Haru may not have died, but his characterization certainly did ☠️

Ok I know I’ve been a hater of sorts for weeks now but like!!! It’s a frustrating thing!!! I keep rehashing and articulating my problems with it in the hopes I can feel better about it but idk friend!!!

I was having a conversation earlier about how so many of us believe “the swimming anime” would benefit from having less swimming in it, and as wild as that sounds, it makes sense in consideration to how we’ve understood the show and its characters up to this point. (Hold on lemme pull up some of that rant from the DMs)

Isn’t one of the original key tenets of the story that there’s life outside of the pool, and the reason swimming really means something to them in the first place is because of how it honors all that they are and what matters to them in other parts of their life?? Haru has a love for water because engaging with it in different ways (sensory seeking, symbolism, etc) centers him, and it’s such a pervasive and present part of nature that the familiarity of it everywhere helps him better understand and process the world around him. It’s how he ponders the movement of time and how attitude dictates free will: the idea of nature being powerful enough to cause delight or destruction but ultimately if you respect it in your dive forward, the water’s fangs are less scary, and you have the freedom to continue forward with your own level of control within it. He understands his friends better by the ways they engage with water — being scared of the ocean, braving storms and potential drowning repeatedly to learn how to swim, splashing and thrashing during races out of a mix of passion and frustration, almost drowning more than once in those years spent in turmoil… all of these moments and memories reveal vulnerabilities and (malleable, but still present) truths about his friends that help him figure out how to reach those friends and care for them. I digress, we are aware that swimming is important in the story, but so many of the issues we seem to have with canon at this point come from different perspectives as to why. We enjoy Starting Days because Makoto struggles with figuring out his motive/“why” and ultimately arrives at a similar conclusion as a good chunk of the audience: he’s there because he does learn to love swimming, but he’s also there because he loves Haru, and the pool essentially becomes meaningless if either of those tandem truths gets repressed or denied. The show is at its strongest when it works to acknowledge and honor both the sportsmanship/craft they’ve honed from years of dedication to swimming, as well as the the bonds and love that give them purpose.

Different people have talked about feeling disenchanted with the final relay in a way that they never seemed to be with other big relay scenes in the past, and it makes sense — we lose faith in the pool being this place of discovery and connectivity when the story does the disservice of pisspoor conflict-resolution and character erasure outside of it. Like, why does the pool still matter if the characters can’t even talk to each other or tap into the feelings and learned truths they’ve gathered from being vulnerable in the water in the past? Why should I keep putting stock into the “power of friendship” when the story skirts over possible confrontations and heartfelt chances to display the ever-evolving strength of those bonds?

One of the biggest problems with the FS movies, in my opinion, comes from a lack of balance between those two drives. The Haru we know, time and time again, marches forward on this path because he loves swimming and his friends. At some point, the urge to actively show those friendships growing stronger in the storytelling became less of a priority, active moments getting replaced with implied offscreen bonding (when they’re not completely ghosting each other) and flashback montages. The urge to show Haru as a person outside of swimming seems to fade in the narrative, which is sad to recognize when we are being shown so much evidence of this exact imbalance in Haru’s life being what’s hurdling him straight into burnout. Haru being thrown into a storyline where he loses his balance for a bit and spirals can be compelling, like I truly do believe that, but for it to be done well, the narrative has to acknowledge the importance of that balance in the first place. If they’re to insist on an ending where Haru breaks down and doesn’t consider quitting until he’s forced to take a hiatus, and then further insist that whatever happened during that hiatus gave him enough balance and strength to return to the world stage with confidence, the focal point should’ve been on that journey to rebuild Haru’s center. What’s sad is that we know that type of storytelling is possible, because we see it with Sousuke’s different arcs (which could be a whole separate post and conversation), so why can’t we have that with the insisted protagonist of the whole show? Was it a lack of time left to show the details of a messy healing process, or a belief from the writers that those details weren’t that important to show this time around?

I just. Hmm. Big Haru emotions. I’m excited to see fans fill in the gaps themselves by chatting/writing about Haru’s journey after the burnout themselves (the hard conversations and decisions that either lead him back to the world stage in some capacity or break free from the pro circuit entirely), but I wish we got just a smidge more in canon. We could’ve had just a smidge more in canon.

#rest in piss haruchan you would’ve loved actually talking with your friends #fs2 #fs2 spoilers #meta #haruka nanase #I’ll get to dissecting what’s actually IN the movies at some point #but I want to acknowledge what’s MISSING first so that that doesn’t overtake those conversations ykwim #aaaaaanyway #thanks for sending <3 #queerbuck

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sleepy-shutin · 1 year

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please post the PDF of the haunted self because i still do not understand what you mean by self states as it differs from just regular emotions. (also, hunger is an emotion?? similar to stress and anxiety as emotions? it's also a physical feeling and bodily state / need, but it's... it is an emotion. idk about you but when i am hungry i definitely feel it as an emotion just like happiness or sadness or longing or love or similar. maybe i am just weird but i classify it similarly)

hunger is not an emotion, lol, it's a physical need for food. if a therapist asked you how you were feeling emotionally and you said you were hungry they would not take that answer. so there's your first problem with your understanding of emotions and self states. if you're already aware that you classify the feeling of hunger in a weird way, maybe take that into account before arguing with people about it.

for a little more explanation on self states: you don't see yourself switching into self states because as an older teen/adult your childhood self states integrate and become more stable together. ideally, you're not supposed to really *know* about them or really be able to feel them/feel yourself moving between them (i don't really like calling it "switching" as it has DID-like implications). that's why you don't remember as a child moving into these self states or why you don't really feel yourself moving in or out of self states in day to day life.

you have a much better understanding and handle on yourself than a 4 year old, and your life is not so focused on your base survival instincts of "food", "attention from caregiver", etc. so "hunger" may now be less of a self state for you and more just something that happens with your body when it runs out of food energy because you have probably developed past the need for your life to revolve around sippy cups and doc mcstuffins.

it cannot be overstated enough that while you may not feel very much when you're hungry, being hungry for a young child and not having that need met for whatever reason (for reasons of neglect or just an inappropriate time for a child to be eating or whatever), then that can be the worst thing in the world for a 2 year old because they don't know how to handle that situation, and they're upset about being unable to eat, and they can't articulate their frustration, so they scream and cry about it. meanwhile, you being hungry, you'll probably just go and make yourself food, or drink something until you're able to get food appropriately, or just wait patiently until it's time to eat your food because you have a better handle on yourself and your emotions and bodily feelings.

young children's unintegrated self states are primarily based in survival instincts, which is why hunger is/can be a self state for young children. as you grow older, you integrate these self states as you get a better handle on them and no longer need to focus all your energy on survival and learn to handle yourself and your bodily feelings and emotions better, and instead develop differing self states to assist you in the daily life of an adult, such as "work self" and "home self". these self states aren't unintegrated and chaotic like children, however, because you have grown into a well developed and multifaceted human being who has a better handle on themselves than a 5 year old with a "school self" and a "home self", (if they even have that much at that age, because differentiating properly between home and school environments at that age may be difficult for some as they may not understand it's okay to act a certain way at home but not at school yet).

another thing you're fundamentally misunderstanding is that something being an emotion or normal feeling or whatever doesn't make it *not* a self state of some kind, specifically and especially in young children. i don't understand what part of this is so hard to grasp for you, they are the same thing. it's both.

you still have self states, they're just more developed and multifaceted than that of a 4 year old.

here's where you can download a copy of the haunted self to read.

#ask #anon #part zero #part fred #just in case #idk #syscourse #?

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communistkenobi · 2 years

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I think that one thing that makes the MCU different from past franchises like SW is how much it's relying on its conglomerate of Marvel source materials across various mediums. The MCU does not need to establish Peter Parker's Spider-Man or the values that went into creating the character and his canon (as in his comics/cartoons/shows as a whole, not in-universe character continuity) bc its target audience already has a rough concept of the character due to prior exposure to Spider-Man canon/media in pop culture—which means there's just enough of a foundation for the MCU Spider-Man to be widely recognizable as Spider-Man without portraying what makes Peter Parker Peter Parker (poor financial situation from childhood to adulthood, low self-esteem, learning up to stand up to his bullies and his boss, survivor's guilt, etc.) on-screen. But it's like the franchise is then relying primarily on the audience's concept of the character of Spider-Man from exposure to other (including both subjectively and objectively better) versions in other mediums to establish their iteration of the charracter and by extension those films. And that's how adaptations work, of course, but I think the MCU as a whole fails to capitalize on the benefits of adapting into another medium, so all that's left for the critical audience are elements like the military propaganda, the racism and whitewashing, the imperialism apologism, and so on that are consequences of franchising decisions rather than creative decisions.

Like yeah, franchises and fandom aren't new and are direct results of capitalism and mass-media consumption, but the MCU feels like its own special blend within the Marvel franchise (as a whole) in how much it relies on this idea of The Brand and being just recognizable enough that it doesn't (and won't) go further than surface level. It's insular to a degree that I don't know what I can compare it to. I think SW has started to shift toward this template(????) with the D+ shows (well really since Solo), but I don't know how to explain where this shift occurred or where it falls between MCU and traditional franchise media????? Even the DCEU differs enough despite still imo having the mass-produced/soulless/lacking in substance feel. It's like you said, we don't have any specific term that quite defines this yet, and not to be a snob but I really really REALLY hate that I added a yet there even though I know it's only a matter of time.

(Sorry for the rambling, I just really like your analyses, especially where capitalism and fascism intersect even tho I didn't really bring those points up bc I'm not sure what I could contribute in that area lol)

sorry for the late reply i know this was like two days ago now lol

anyway i think my framing of the mcu as uniquely bad is incorrect in the sense of what you said, which is that fandoms and mass media are not new. mcu is just a good shorthand to refer to mass media because its the most glaring and obnoxious example of it.

i also don't want to be ahistorical about it because the first marvel movies weren't like the recent ones, they felt more real in the sense that there was more to them than simple reference. @sashacore made a good point about not categorising art into low/high categories because you can quickly get into reactionary territory. which i don't want to do, obviously, but i'm coming up short on language that describes what im trying to articulate. and i dont think im being reactionary when i say the mcu is devoid of meaning

agh idk i guess i just have a motivated desire to call the mcu uniquely bad in a way. like when scorsese said that the mcu isn't art i want to agree with him. like it literally just feels like an infomercial for capital and empire. if you wanted to point to something as the logical endpoint to art produced with the sole goal of capital accumulation i would point to the mcu. but it's not unique in that sense. the difference is of degree, not kind

#asks #sorry lol this is very all over the place

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phoneybeatlemania · 2 years

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Hi, did you see Elliot Roberts' retrospective of John Lennon's discography? Any thoughts? I've seen it twice and still don't know what to think about its accuracy though I shared a lot of his opinions (musically).

Hiya @starlablog!

I really like this ask, since Ive been meaning to talk about Elliot Roberts for awhile now! Im actually quite familiar with him, since Ive been watching his Beatle videos since he started creating them! I think Ive seen all his videos so far?

[Prefatory note: Ive seen all his videos I think, but cant remember most of them That Well, so im mostly going off of what I recall from his John Lennon video here since that ones still fresh in my mind]

Opinion time: I think theres definitely a gap in the YouTube market, in terms of Beatles content. Theres lot of people who discuss their discographies very analytically, but without being emotionally tuned in to other facets of their work (i.e understanding their works autobiographically/psychologically). As someone who cant read sheet music and frankly refuses to learn (my brother calls it “ugliness on a page” lol), this is SO FAR from the type of content I want to see—I love talking about their music, but Im always more interested in discussing how elements of their own emotions and psychologies and autobiographical circumstances etc. relayed into their discography. There are a few youtubers who Ive seen making videos focussing on their autobiographies, talking about the Controversial stuff (i.e Cynthia and Julian; Yoko) that we typically discuss on different forum platforms—but these videos are all about 5 minutes long, which really isn’t enough time to get a nuanced and well-sourced perspective on anything.

Even if were refraining from talking about their personal lives in a lot of depth, I still thinks it’s just way more FUN to discuss how creative they actually were in their music, and how they came to make their songs (i.e John telling George Martin he wants A Day In The Life to sound like the end of the world), instead of: “and then they used a C major!”. Like who cares??????? Not me :/

This is essentially why I Quite Like Elliot Roberts—because he’s the only YouTuber I know of who makes videos vaguely resembling the type of Beatles-content that would cater to me: not overly-analytical, employing elements of their autobiography into understanding them, and emotionally tuned in. Plus, he brings a bit of Fun and Personality to his discussions, that I don’t typically see with the (boring) music-analyists.

However, I think his discussions of the band can be lacking in some respects: the main thing for me I think is that his understandings of the actual relationships between the band can be fairly surface-level, I guess. I like that he’s a little more emotionally-tuned into the dynamics between them then other youtubers, but I still think he could delve further into this element :/

I know Ive gone off on SUCH a tangent here, but this all essentially leads me to my opinion on his John discography ranking: I, like you, shared a lot of his opinions musically (I would say my favourite JL album is Plastic Ono Band; Whatever Gets You Thru The Night is a stone-cold SLAP etc.)—but again, its just........missing some things Here and There (and everywhere) in terms of analysis. Almost had to throw my laptop across the room when he demoted mother-fucking-I Know (I Know) to being just a “cute” song. At least pick up on John literally lifting the opening rift to that song from Ive Got A Feeling, Elliot I am *begging* you (I will pay you real cash!!!!!!!!!).

Personally, Id love to see YouTube videos with content more similar to the types of things we hear talked about on Beatles-podcasts or in books! Hence why in the summer, Im planning to maybe give this a go? I don’t think id make a particularly good YouTuber, but idk man, somebody’s gotta do it, so I guess I will lol.

Anyway, not sure if Ive articulated this quite the way I wanted to, but please share your thoughts if you have any! :)

#sorry I took a minute responding here #I was in Sheffield seeing my brothers band #and got the train back today #and it was a Long trip :/#I was so hungry man. but I left my card with my brother by accident so I couldn't buy anyhting #*anything #but oh well #going to bed now #elliot roberts #beatle-tube #phoneys fandom opinions #beatles #john lennon #@starlablog #asks #opinion

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firelord-frowny · 2 years

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ok i have a 70% serious question omfg

is there any possible way to ask/suggest that someone who's unskilled at a thing to stop trying to give ~helpful advice~ to someone who's highly skilled without sounding rude/dismissive/arrogant/etc??

omfg like

there is a Particular Person who STAYS commenting on some of my violin stuff with absolutely wrong and useless bullshit like ~remember, you don't need to press super hard on the string for pizzicato~ which is just?? BLATANTLY AND UNEQUIVOCALLY FALSE AND LITERALLY ANYONE WHO'S A HALFWAY DECENT PLAYER KNOWS THIS, but overconfident ~amateurs~ be parroting that shit all the time because it's what beginners are taught so they don't put too much strain on their joints/ligaments/muscles/tendons before they've built up enough strength and endurance to handle it long-term. And most of these overconfident amateur players, I guaranfuckingtee you, continue to believe that ~beginner~ technique is Correct In All Circumstances, hence why they never improve, hence why they confidently butcher difficult pieces, hence why they feel perfectly empowered to go forth and ~teach~ other amateur players the same bad techniques and false information.

and i legit find myself feeling angry??? when some such person, in all their mediocre glory, posting all their lil videos of themselves being loud and wrong as they butcher a piece that's HELLA above their paygrade and play not one single note in tune or even with good tone quality, shows up on MY demonstration of a properly executed technique with some ~It Helps If You [thing that doesn't help]~

so far i just have been ignoring those kinds of comments but given that i have a really fucking personal beef with shitty players who are even shittier teachers who con people into paying them money to teach them, there's a bigass part of me that wants to call them out directly and suggest that they actually go and learn a fucking thing or two about legitimate violin technique before they have the goddamn gall to go tossing unsolicited ~advice~ at Actual Professionals, LET ALONE taking people's money to ~teach~ them all that Wrong Bullshit.

but despite my upsetness and my desire to make shitty teachers aware of what they need to improve on before they should feel comfortable taking anyone's money, i'm ALSO hellaaaaaaaa non-confrontational and am averse to initiating any kind of interaction that seems like it may result in a soured relationship or hurt feelings or just cause someone to look at me in a negative light on account of me being, idk, elitist or arrogant or condescending.

i just

want!

to be able to tell someone directly that their entire understanding of violin technique is based on the most basal, rudimentary aspects of beginner technique and is not just inadequate for, but also damaging to the pursuit of learning advanced technique, and that they're doing everyone who ever has a ~lesson~ with them an AWFUL disservice and are undoubtedly setting them up for total failure and that the fact that they even felt comfortable trying to offer ~technical suggestions~ to a player who is blatantly LIGHTYEARS beyond their skill level is a glaring and troubling indicator that they truly have absolutely no genuinely useful knowledge or understanding about classical music full stop - not just as it relates to violin technique. (bc let's be real, if you play SO BADLY that exactly 0 notes are in perfect intonation and your string crossings are jacked the hell up and your left-hand-articulation is a weak, garbled SHITSHOW and you somehow still manage to think you're doing it right, you're not just a bad player - you're also very probably tone deaf, and definitely have shitty taste, and your musical deficiencies are way more profound than just being a poor violinist.)

but all those words sound mean no matter what order i put them in or what synonyms i swap shit out for :(

#ok so i guess this isn't a serious question at all lmfao i really just needed to Vent #lmao like can you imagine an amateur tennis player trying to give serena williams tips on her backhand #somebody who used to do ballet in middle school trying to show mikhail baryshnikov a stretch to improve his turnout #imma call up simone biles and tell her how to stay flexible #also lmfao i recall a rehearsal where i was doing some 4th finger stretches while the conductor #was working with another section #and the dude sitting next to me is like ~oh you're working on your fourth finger? [ineffective practice technique] helps with that #and i swear i almost fucking choked because the first thing i even noticed about this dude during rehearsal #was that his fourth finger was CONSISTENTLY out-of-tune.#like can you at least make sure you know how to do the thing you're trying to ~help~ someone else with???#are you even AWARE that your so-called ~super helpful practice technique~ has actually not helped you at all??#do you HEAR that you're not in tune??? honestly???#do you REALIZE that ending up with an incorrect result - BY DEFINITION - means you're doing it wrong???

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eoieopda · 1 year

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This might be a weird question, but what traits do you relate to for each of the ot7 and what do you think your biggest different is from each?

i’ve been staring at this in my inbox for two (2) entire days because i don’t want to just be like “like jiminie, i am pocket-sized.” AAH. okay, here we go:

joon: i’m not the oldest in my family - or in my friend group, or in my unit at work - but i somehow always end up as the “leader.” it’s exhausting (and i don’t know how he does it on such a massive scale!) // he holds more poetic skill in one eyelash than i do in my entire body. this boy is a perfectly articulated masterpiece in all respects 😭

jin: even if something isn’t necessarily my “strong suit,” i will put in everything i’ve got to improve at said thing - especially if people tell me i can’t // i am NOT as youthful and carefree. on the inside, i am cynical, anxious, and elderly.

yoongi: i think we share a similar perspective that there is always something to do, something to learn, and i want to do it all. (this is wildly speculative??) workaholic 4 lyfe // i express love primarily with physical touch!! i want to be held at all times lol

hobi: i’m the caretaker/mom friend, and my greatest joy comes from being my loved ones’ hype man // i burn myself tf out by doing the aforementioned whereas he seems to gain energy from it. idk how he has the capacity to care so fully, all the time.

jimin: idk how to say this without sounding like i’m dragging him, but i think he is also a tinkerbell type that wilts without sufficient attention (it’s cute when he does it!) // he is so skilled at a shocking number of things and i never stick with a hobby long enough to be this masterful

taehyung: people tend not to know what i’m talking about. my thought process and sense of humor are more abstract, and it’s very confusing to people who don’t know me well // he is so committed that he does shit that scares him (bungee jumping, etc.) i can’t push myself over hurdles like this!

jungkook: i am the youngest person doing what i do (in my field, in my city) and i think people underestimate me as a result (bonus: my name is also shortened to jk, which is what 90% of people call me in the real world!) // i do not have his natural skill. seriously, he does a thing for the first time and he picks it up immediately!! can’t relate.

#jade speaks #anon #i hope this makes sense #this was really fun to think about so thank you!!!!!!

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whentherewerebicycles · 1 year

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okay i ran 2.5 miles at a faster average pace than last week’s long run, then walked a half mile and stretched for a bit after. i should work on editing this script but i simply don’t want to! instead i am spinning my wheels a bit doing research for this campus visit. i think i will journal a bit about it under the cut.

what i’ve done so far:

office-specific research. i did a deep dive into the office’s existing resources, programming, etc and took a bunch of notes. so far i’m really impressed. they seem to have extraordinarily robust community-engaged learning offerings with lots of resources dedicated to supporting faculty in developing CEL courses. definitely way more advanced than what my previous institution had! there’s quite a bit less available online about the specific division i’d be running which is interesting... i think one thing that’s still not totally clear to me is if/how my work would overlap with the director of community-engaged learning’s responsibilities. my initial guess is i’d be responsible for more of the scholarly and scientific research side of things, plus ‘creative projects’ (a category that also isn’t totally clear to me but i assume would include creative theses, etc). but i also would imagine i’d be working quite closely with the person who does community-engaged learning/research so i think it’s good to really immerse myself in researching the stuff she does too so i can talk with her about how we might work together.

school-specific research. i did a bunch of reading/note-taking on the college’s history, current strategic plan, and student demographics. felt really comfortable talking about this in the interview & the hiring director specifically commented at the end on how effectively i’d tied my vision to the college’s vision, so i think i am set on this front. will want to incorporate this into the faculty job talk but i don’t have the prompt yet so am good for now.

best practices in research mentorship. i did a bunch of writing about common challenges i’ve seen undergrad researchers face, and then also a bunch of fairly surface-level surveying research on best practices in advising undergrad researchers... just gathering up resources and citations to dig into further. i also did some writing/brainstorming about the types of resources and trainings i’ve always dreamed of creating for faculty (who can just be sooooo, SO bad at mentoring/advising). i’m a little torn on how much more time i need to spend on background research here. i think that maybe instead of doing a lot of reading, i should focus my time/energy on journaling a bit about my experiences with advising more traditional undergrad research projects (conference papers, posters, senior theses and capstones, journal articles, etc.) so i have some anecdotes ready to go. that journaling can also be a chance to dig into my own beliefs/values/priorities when it comes to mentoring undergrads. idk i think a lot of good mentorship is just common sense + good communication skills + having a thoughtful short- and long-range plan + focusing on fostering student self-sufficiency, but maybe i can do a bit more thinking about how i want to articulate that vision and how i would go about teaching/advising faculty. ooh and i guess i do want to brush up again on the research on cross-cultural and cross-racial mentoring practices - i did a bunch of reading in that area a couple years ago but it’s not super fresh in my mind.

programmatic assessment. i did some initial reading on various methods and tools for assessing program effectiveness... i will probably want to do more reading about this just so i feel really comfortable describing different tools i could use for gathering/analyzing data on program outcomes, but also i kinda feel like i know enough from my own experience + past research and i have many, many anecdotal examples of how i’ve used various kinds of data to improve courses and program structures. not too much more to do on this front at least for now. i guess the one thing i could do is try to dig up info about how the office currently assesses its own work.

first-gen student mentorship & program design. i revisited some of my past research/notes on working with first-gen students and bought a new book on designing programming with first-gen students in mind, which i’ll read/take notes on next week. it’s good to brush up on this stuff but idk i spent the last four years of my time at UT steeped in this research & in designing programming for a majority first-gen student program so i kinda feel like i can talk about this without much trouble. also a lot of the conventional wisdom on first-gen student stuff overlaps with what we know about high-impact learning practices for ALL students - like, good/effective pedagogy and inclusive, equity-focused pedagogy share almost all of the same core principles. i’m looking forward to reading that book because it has lots of case studies of real university programs and should be interesting, but i don’t think i need to be too stressed about speaking on this topic.

job talk prep. i don’t have the prompt yet so can’t do any real work here, but i made a list of core values/guiding principles that i want to convey directly or indirectly through the way i approach my presentation, and i also spent time thinking about the unique (?) qualities and experiences i bring to this position (ie things that might set me apart from other candidates or give me a different perspective on the work). i’m really really excited to get started on the presentation and i just hope they send me the prompt before i leave for asia so i can get most of it done at home and not on the road lol. i don’t know what the prompt will be but i’m hoping that it’s something that allows me to weave in examples of student work and maybe quotes from past students to illustrate my arguments and make my past work come alive in an engaging way! even though i’m nervous about this part (mostly because of the question marks here and the possible time crunch/stress), i’m also genuinely excited about it... i love public speaking so much and feel confident that i will rise to the challenge!!

specific examples/anecdotes from experience. i started generating a general list of compelling examples from my work with students that could be used to answer questions (or highlighted in some way in the job talk depending on the prompt). this is one area where i want to do quite a bit more prep work this weekend or early next week. specifically, i want to go back through all the lesson plans + resources i created for my last program (so that i have lots of specific examples of things i’ve done fresh in my mind). i also want to go back through and read through all of last year’s student portfolios + reflection letters and start gathering up specific quotes or details i could mention in my presentation.

okay!!! i think i’ve felt like i’ve been working in a kinda disorganized way but when i write it all out i can see that i’ve actually done quite a bit of substantive work (and have a decent plan for moving forward).

to distill that plan into concrete next steps:

read through all student portfolios, projects, and reflection letters, then create a document of key insights, quotes, and examples i want to cite

read through all lesson plans, professional development workshops, and project management tools i created for students over my last four years at UT, then create a document of key insights and examples

read the first-gen student programming book, take notes, then distill into specific takeaways i want to address

do some focused journaling to articulate 1) what effective undergrad research mentorship entails, 2) key evidence-informed best practices, 3) what institutional structures or tools support effective mentorship, and 4) how my vision overlaps with/builds on their existing programming

make a one-page doc (ideally by hand to help reinforce memory) where i list the major resources, tools, and programming they currently offer

#campus visit prep #sigh now i really do need to do Work work #i think i'll take a shower first then set a timer and just try to get in an hour of focused edits

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years

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idk if its just having learned too much about efficient conflict resolution/healthy communication or simply that I’m a boring silly person or etc. etc. but I often run into the issue of having to pause shows/movies and walk away for a while because I am SO annoyed by the way characters handle things in the most nonsensical way imaginable..

It’s weird since I actually always find it very difficult to relate to any characters, so it's not out of emotional attachment/personal stakes (more the opposite lol, I usually view them all neutral or negative, am only there for the world lore or sets/costumes) yet despite my overall detachment from anything that happens (often have no investment in how the plot actually turns out, etc) - it’s like... just the sheer act of witnessing blatant easily solvable miscommunications or situations that go SO poorly is enough to gradually grate at my nerves

(maybe it’s also that I'm a very problem solver/solution oriented type of person so my brain may be a bit more rigid about that - like I don't ever really ENJOY seeing stuff go wrong, it’s not intriguing or interesting to me, usually just stressful because I can imagine all the ways it could have easily been avoided/want to solve it/, etc. As opposed to others who are maybe able to turn that part of their brain off and see it as entertainment, etc.)

And, I understand that for plots to happen, generally something has to go wrong, I mean usually plot is based on conflict (in SOME form), so I don't know how to articulate why exactly SOME plots bother me so much and others don't, but for some reason there's just a very specific type of story event where the things that are apparently meant to have stakes seem SO forced and completely irrational or senseless that it's like.. legitimately impossible to watch lol

(I don’t mean in a overly nitpicky cinemasins style criticism way but just.... you don’t even have to be nitpicking details to see that it’s like... why do NONE of anyone’s actions or motivations make any sense and half of you resolve conflicts like a 5 year old... HOW is this meant to be interesting to watch in any way..?? like Flawed characters can be fun!! I’m not saying everyone must have 100% perfect communication skills, but there’s a difference between having well established repeated patterns of behavior due to character flaws and “Oops! The Story Demands That We Lack Common Sense At Random”)

#maybe it's the type of conflict also? I seem to not mind conflict as much if it's like 'character vs outside factors out of anyones control'#or the conflict is that characters need XYZ thing and don't have it or complex ideological disareements between characters that aren't clear #cut so they keep butting heads over it. etc. etc. but when it's stuff like ''character who SUPPOSEDLY implied to be a master strategist #routinely makes the WORST decisions imaginable' or 'two chars have a conflict that could be easily resolved with a simple 5 minute convo' or #character who is supposedly mistrusting and cold falls into traps and is easily manipulated by person who might as well be wearing an 'I Am #Evil And Will Betray You Immediately' t-shirt.. like.. hello?? i hate all of you #and it's often this on TOP of other things that already annoy me - like straight romances or etc. etc.#It’s not that I necessarily inherently have anything against cishet (straight romance specifically between a cis woman and cis man) relation #ships in media but I think it’s just something you get tired of seeing since forced romance (especially of that kind) is in #EVERYTHING.. kind of like with All I Want For Chirstmas Is You - like I don't think anyone thinks it’s an objectively awful song the #vocals are good. music itself is fine. etc. - BUT still it’s SO overplayed around holidays that when it #comes on most people groan and whine and moan and wish they’d play ANYTHING ELSE. Media is sort of the #same way when I start a new TV show and in the first episode cardboard cutout stink ass Male Main Character gives his first glance to boring #underdeveloped Female Main Character and you just.. know.. that there’s going to be some annoying romance or something you groan and whine a #and hope that they both blow up #OR WHEN i FINALLY actually like or relate to a character in ANY way and they ruin them by forcing them into a straight romance #any character I've ever had even moderate care for (which isn't many lol) is usually more like.. aro ace coded or at least usually #like the weird hermit nerd unemotional genius sociopath detached from society isolated whatever etc. etc. - you know the character #archetype I mean. and they ALWAYS are like 'aww but actually they're lonely.. some poorly written other character that they have #zero chemistry with must finally get through their Icy Exterior and finally they can feel Happy and Loved' liek guiejnhjknJKGBHRJGBEJHBTH #listen you KNOW this man (it's usually a man) is NOT interested in anyone and even if he WAS he would be some eccentric #old gay wizard or evil scientist or something but you KNOW IN YOUR HEART he would not date a cis woman.. ESPECIALLY NOT #THIS ONE *points at the generic romantic interest character that literally has nothing in common with them at all and is only there to be #The Opposite Of Them and Teach Them Humanity * .. let him be isolated in his wizard tower and HAPPY ABOUT IT you cowards #now look at what you've done to him.. you've tried to make him a Normal Human With Normal Emotions and you've RUINED him #BUT ANYWAY jhgibhj that's another pet peeve but not the main one I'm talking about right now lol #This is another reason I rarely watch stuff lol.. like i WANT to see the costumes and the world and maybe get aesthetic inspiration but..#god... sitting through the plots and characters.. There's definitely a scale like some shows are actually reasonable OR are completely nonse #nse and every character is a dumbass but in a fun actually entertaining way.. but ..hhh.. so many times it's just like No.. I Can't Do This #long post

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bookofmirth · 2 years

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I may be part of the minority here, but I actually don't think Elain has to hit rock bottom before we get her book. I agree she needs to be fleshed out, definitely, and she'll probably snap, for sure, but I don't necessarily think she has to hit that 'point of no return' before we finally get her book.

Elain, imo, has always been quite adaptable. Yes, we don't know how she feels about her new life as a Fae, but we see that she's trying to make the most out of an unexpected situation. She did the same when her father lost their family fortune.

Where things stand currently, I agree with you that there's no reason for Elain to stop doing what she's doing. The most important people in her life, her sisters, are doing well. There's no threat to Feyre/Nxy and Nesta is in a better place. Life at the moment, is peaceful. So what would cause this to change? What would cause her to snap?

Definitely not Rhys's cockblocking. THAT isn't going to be the straw that breaks the camel's back (let's give Sarah more credit than that). Apart from the bonus (which people have deemed unimportant), Elain has never given us any reasons to believe she's interested in Azriel so I doubt him not coming around (as infrequently as he already does) is going to do it for her.

Four and a half books in and we still don't know much about Elain. No further details about what's going on inside her head. Everything revealed in ACOSF about Elain was information we already drew conclusions to and that is why I'm not convinced Elain's book is next. I don't buy "Elain is a walking spoiler" as a reason to explain Elain's lack of presence. Again, let's give Sarah more credit than that.

Nesta's presence was apparent in ACOMAF-ACOFAS and it was blindly clear Sarah was excited to write about Nessian. I doubt she'll treat Elain and her LI any differently. ACOSF provided plenty of opportunities for Sarah to surprise us with Elain but strangely enough, Elain remained a background character. So much so that if we were to remove Elain from ACOSF, the book doesn't suffer greatly, which is probably the most shocking part of all, given Nesta and Elain's relationship.

Imo, Sarah is not ready to tell Elain's story yet. If she wanted to get us excited about Elain's book, she did a horrible job at it. If she wanted to get us excited about a forbidden love, again, she failed at that.

I can't remember if I've articulated it the same way you have... but I agree 100%. I think Elain has already hit rock bottom. She spent weeks (months?) nearly catatonic in acowar. If that's not rock bottom, idk what is.

I think that for Elain, rock bottom looks very, very different than it did for Nesta, or for Feyre. Elain strikes me as being more resilient. And so when she finally had enough, when she couldn't take it anymore, she was just broken in acowar. It still makes me lol that everyone around her in acowar was like "omg what's wrong!" because for once in her life, she wasn't just pretending things were fine. But then she came out of it, and learned how to deal in a way that would get the attention off herself. Which... isn't the best way to deal with everything she went through, but it's getting her by for now.

So what would cause this to change? What would cause her to snap?

This is the thing that I think will lead to her book. She needs change. She needs to be shaken out of her complacency. Right now, she has no reason to do anything differently in her life, ever. We haven't had that yet, though.

Elain has never given us any reasons to believe she's interested in Azriel

You know... this makes me wonder. When, exactly, besides the bonus where she said yes to a kiss, have we ever gotten a sign that Elain felt any certain way about Az other than "well he's not threatening, so that's nice"? All the evidence that people use to explain why they ship it is always about how Azriel feels, how far he has been willing to go, how he's protective etc. Meanwhile we have Feyre who died for Tamlin and then bargained with all the High Lords to save Rhys. We have Nesta who shielded Cassian with her body in acowar and then saved him from Briallyn. Where is that from Elain? If they are in love, it should be mutual, right?

ACOSF provided plenty of opportunities for Sarah to surprise us with Elain but strangely enough, Elain remained a background character.

Considering how close Elain and Nesta supposedly were - especially compared to Nesta and Feyre - it's downright odd that we didn't get more of Elain. Yes, they were fighting. But they were supposedly besties?

if we were to remove Elain from ACOSF, the book doesn't suffer greatly, which is probably the most shocking part of all, given Nesta and Elain's relationship.

YES. If we removed Elain from acosf, I can't think of a single thing that would be different. This isn't an insult, it's a statement of fact. Is she important? In the scheme of things, absolutely. Did she contribute to acosf? Not really at all, outside of fighting with Nesta, which didn't change the story at all. That's... not the sign of a character who is ready to break out of their patterns and take charge. That's someone who is just fine pretending to be fine.

Can't wait til Elain does snap, though, and to see what makes her decide to assert herself!

#antielriel #ask #anon #elain #acotar

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the-last-cuddlebender · 3 years

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I straight up check your profile daily for the southern raiders analysis you’re working on. 👀👀 where IS IT 😩

bRUH I am so excited to drop this analysis you have no idea (It’s creeping up to 22k+ I am gonna cryyyyyyyyyyyy). The only problem is that my TSR analysis and “Moon theory” are so incredibly hard to structure and articulate. I’m happy you’re so excited for it, though!!! Truly, it’s an honor. I’ll give you a taste of my madness and what’s to come, but be warned: it may be a bit hard to follow because TSR (from how I’ve come to understand it) is about the vagueness of beginnings, endings, and cycles, so there isn’t really a starting point for me to begin with. (So it may seem a tad bit like a ramble in some points that I haven’t fleshed out yet/am summarizing for this ask)

This analysis has me on trails like THIS brilliant nonsense, and I am 1000000000% here for it:

Roku: “The spirit's name is Koh, but he is very dangerous. They call him The Face Stealer.”

Katara: “We’re going to find the man who took my mother from me.”...“That’s him. That’s the monster.”

Lion Turtle: “To bend another's energy, your own spirit must be unbendable, or you will be corrupted and destroyed.”

Roku: “When you speak with him, you must be very careful to show no emotion at all. Not the slightest expression, or he will steal your face.”

Hama: “Congratulations, Katara. You’re a bloodbender.”

(If Katara had killed Yon Rha, she would be giving up her identity--her face. Not only would she have become a killer, but she would be killing what made her Katara)

Aang: “Let your anger out, and then let it go. Forgive him.”

Forgive him--approach him for what he is, not the faces your memories or your heart are having him wear. See him for the pathetic man he is in that moment right in front of you.

Aang’s forgiveness is seeing someone for the sum of their parts. It’s judging them and seeing through into their very soul, just like the Firebending Masters saw through Zuko being the Crown Prince and Aang being the Avatar. That meant nothing to the Masters. What did matter to them was who the boys were right there, right then, right in front of them.

“Why should I hold a grudge against you for something you did in a past life? After all, you’re a different person, now. You’ve come to me with a new face.”

But anyways...

If I can give no other take-away from my analysis and moon theory, it’s that Yin and Yang are not two entities; they are three. I think the fandom’s misunderstanding of it may be why the discourse on TSR (and Aang, Katara, and Zuko) is so black and white (pun intended lol).

“But Yin and Yang are obviously two things. Don’t you know the symbol?” I hear some people already saying.

Wrong, sir.

It has never been just Yin and Yang. Yin and Yang have never existed as just two things.

They are Yin and Yang and Wu Wei.

(Aunt Wu has her name for a reason, and she has the mark of the wise in her hair for a reason, too...AND she is at odds with Sokka in The Fortuneteller for a reason, too!!!...but that’s for the analysis😉)

Balance isn’t good triumphing over evil. Balance is good and evil. Balance is standing on the flow between two opposites--it’s the compliment that connects them. (The koi fish live in an oasis for a reason.)

I’ll explain what Wu Wei is later in the full analysis (like many things in here), but here’s some of my evidences and proofs for the “Yin Yang trio”:

The Tibetan “Wheel of Dharma”

(I’ll also explain the Wheel and Dharma and etc. later because it has everything to do with Koh and the moon) Long story short, the wheel and its spokes are representative of the 8 steps to enlightenment and the cycle of rebirth.

Look at the hub of the wheel. It’s a swirl made of 3 parts.

It is also a white lotus

Here’s the colored version of the wheel (as an alter):

Recognize the colors?

BLUE, WHITE (or gold, depending), & RED

These are the “THREE TREASURES” OR JEWELS.

They symbolize DHARMA, BUDDHA, & SANGHA respectively.

KATARA, AANG, & ZUKO

water, air, & fire

T H R E E

Bato: “Ice dodging is a ceremonial test of wisdom, bravery, and trust.

Bato: “The spirits of water bear witness to these marks...”

Why does Bato say spirit(s) plural? The Ocean and the Moon are only two spirits. The Ocean can’t be two things. Right?

WRONG

Yue: “The legends say the Moon was the first waterbender. Our ancestors saw how it pushed and pulled the tides and learned how to do it themselves.”

The Moon--singular. The Tides--plural (push and pull)

Lion Turtle: “In the era before the Avatar, we bent not the elements, but the energy within our senses.”

The moon pushing and pulling the tide is the moon bending the energy of its world.

Katara finding balance between “being too weak to do it” or “strong enough not to” is her bending the energy within herself.

It’s two solutions written as a question but said as a statement.

Yue: “Our ancestors saw how it pushed and pulled the tides and learned how to do it themselves”

THE SOUTHERN RAIDERS IS ABOUT AANG AND ZUKO LEARNING FROM KATARA. Katara had already learned from Aang and Zuko all leading up to TSR. That was her studying. TSR was her test.

TSR is Zuko’s and Aang’s studying. Sozin’s Comet is their test.

Bato: “For Sokka, the Mark of the Wise. The same mark your father earned. For Katara, the Mark of the Brave. Your courage inspires us. And for Aang, the Mark of the Trusted. You are now an honorary member of the Water Tribe.”

Aang - Wise (”you’re pretty wise for a kid”)

Katara - Brave (the same mark her mother earned)

Zuko - Trusted (”I was the first person to trust you”)

Sokka - Bato ("I am to have no part in this--you pass or fail on your own.”)

Yin and Yang are nothing without their dance. The Avatar and the Firelord mean nothing if they don’t have a world to rebuild.

The valley means nothing if there isn’t anyone to live in it.

Fighting is useless if there isn’t someone to fight for, otherwise it is “selfish and stupid”

Katara had to have a reason to return from Yon Rha. She needed to have Aang waiting for her. If she didn’t have a reason to stay, then she wouldn’t have a reason to go.

To have a reason to sleep, a person has to have a reason to wake up.

Katara: “Aang. He just took his glider and disappeared. He has this ridiculous notion that he has to save the world alone; that it's all his responsibility.”

Hakoda: “Maybe that's his way of being brave.”

(Bato: “For Katara, the Mark of the Brave. Your courage inspires us.”)

Katara: “It's not brave! It's selfish and stupid! We could be helping him! And I know the world needs him, but doesn't he know how much we need him, too? How can he just leave us behind?!”

(It was, in fact, not easy for Aang to ‘do nothing’)

Katara: “I understand why you left. I really do, and I know that you had to go, so why do I still feel this way? I'm so sad and angry...and hurt.”

Hakoda: “I love you more than anything. You and your brother are my entire world. I thought about you every day when I was gone, and every night when I went to sleep, I would lie awake missing you so much it would ache.”

(AND YUE IS ONE OF THE ONES TO SAVE AANG IN THE OCEAN FOR A REASON)

Thinking and missing: a matter of mind (who) and heart (want).

Iroh: “Who are you? And what do you want?”

Sokka: “We need to go back. I wanna see Dad, but helping Aang is where we're needed the most.”

Mai: “I love Zuko more than I fear you.”

BUT YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT THE MOON FOR A HOT SECOND???

I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT THE MOON

I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT 2 MOONS

OH REALLY???

OH REALLY, ZUKO

A FEW HOURS YOU SAY?

THEN TELL ME, ZUKO

WHY IS THE SUN GOING UP

WHEN IT IS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT A FEW HOURS LATER

AND KATARA IS SLEEPING SO YOU CAN’T TELL ME IT’S BECAUSE YOU RISE WITH THE SUN OTHERWISE SHE’D BE WIDE AWAKE DURING THE FULL MOON THAT SHE USES TO BLOODBEND NOT EVEN TWO MINUTES LATER

THIS, MY FRIENDS, IS A HARVEST MOON

WHICH IS THE LAST FULL MOON OF THE SUMMER

(and looks off color when it rises/falls because of the angle of the rise/fall in the atmosphere...it’s normal once overhead)

AND SYMOLIZES HISTORY REPEATING ITSELF

“We’re going to find the MAN who took my mother from me.”

“That’s him. That’s the MONSTER.”

8 spokes on the wheel

Katara was 8 when Kya was killed

8 steps to enlightenment (the “Eightfold Path”)

8 phases of the moon

8 faces of Koh

“One of your previous incarnations tried to slay me! Be it 8 or 9 hundred years ago” (but time is an illusion, so hundreds mean nothing)

THE OTHER TWO MOONS THAT ARE CONSUMING MY EVERY WAKING MOMENT???:

1.) The WOLF MOON--the first full moon of the new year (a love between the wolf and the moon in the harshest winters...connection is kindof obvious lmao)

2.) THE THUNDER MOON

The Thunder Moon is the full moon of July. It is also known as the Buck Moon--for when young buck regrow their antlers.

Yue: “My hair turned white.”

Zuko: *cuts and re-grows his hair*

Aang: “I have hair?”

The Thunder Moon--the full moon of July--is also the beginning of a certain Buddhist holiday.

DHARMA DAY

WHICH CELEBRATES THE BEGINING OF BUDDHISM AND THE FIRST OF THE 8 STEPS (the first spoke of the Dharma Wheel) TOWARDS ENLIGHTENMENT

AVATAR IS ALL ABOUT CYCLES

THE SOUTHERN RAIDERS IS ALL ABOUT BREAKING THEM

I haven’t even touched Jung, Koh, Hinduism, and Buddhism yet

or the fact that Katara and Kya are the only characters in the entire series to wear moons on their clothing and that, together, they form an actual lunar phenomenon

or why the spirit oasis isn’t a complete circle

or the fact that this thing that Aang is told to chase is just like Whaletail Island:

or how important the Great Divide and the Solstice are

AND I’M JUST GETTING STARTED

BECAUSE EVERYTHING IN THE SOUTHERN RAIDERS--RIGHT DOWN TO THE SOUND DESIGN--IS ABSOLUTELY MONUMENTAL IN UNDERSTANDING THE SHOW, ITS MESSAGE, ENERGYBENDING, AND LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE

TLDR: Idk how the heck I’m going to arrange or articulate this analysis because it is WILD. Be warned: There is literally no exact beginning and ending to this analysis because the whole point of Yin and Yang is that is has no beginning or ending (...kindof...), so you’ll have to bear with me once I’m done editing it into something that’s somewhat coherent.

These are just SOME of the things I’ve been able to answer with my moon theory and analysis of The Southern Raiders as it currently stands:

Why “letting go” isn’t really letting go (as we understand it...see: Aang’s confrontation with Koh)

Why Lake Laogai and the Spirit World are symbolically the same thing.

Zuko’s advice to the bullfrog is actually a summary of the show, energybending, the origin of bending, and the definition of Aang’s “forgiveness” I stg

Why “Sokka’s instincts” are the reason Katara yells at Sokka

Believe it or not, every time Katara mentions her mother, it is at specific times for specific reasons.

^^^same thing for the moon, lack of moon, moon positioning, etc.

Katara’s mother’s necklace is more important than we realize.

Who the faces of Koh are and WHY they are there.

The true meaning of Jet’s sacrifice.

Why Jet’s episode about the dam explains the entirety of TSR as it pertains to Katara (all the way down to the little girl who runs to get her doll after the dam breaks)

Why Katara actually DID forgive Yon Rha, and the fact that she doesn’t even know it is proof that she did

^^^^^Aang’s definition of forgiveness is completely misunderstood by the fandom, and the way he “forgives” is sososo much deeper than “moving on”, and it is DEFINATELY by no means “doing nothing” or “excusing” past actions.

The importance of lightning, Zuko, Aang, and Katara.

The absolutely monumental and not nearly talked about importance of Jeong-Jeong like holy crap.

How Katara and Azula are just as much of a Yin and Yang as Zuko and Aang but not in the way we think they are

Why Koh has the Blue Spirit’s face

Why Koh DOESN’T have the Painted Lady’s face.

Who Ni-Ni from Katara’s campfire story in The Puppetmaster is

How and why Iroh was able to learn firebending from the Masters even though he didn’t have a partner.

How/Why Azula had her breakdown and why she saw her mother in the mirror

Why “Leaves from the Vine” and “Four Seasons” are the same song, explain Azula’s downfall, and explain the Yin and Yang of TSR.

Why Katara and Sokka are so often mistaken for parental figures.

Why Aang’s flashbacks to the Air Nomads are so important in understanding TSR.

Why Toph and Suki disappear after the campfire in TSR.

How Hakoda, Gyatso, and Kya are all connected.

Why it is so dang important that Azula shows up in the beginning of TSR.

The importance of the Spirit Oasis.

Energybending, healing with waterbending, Aang’s trauma, and Zuko’s scar.

Why Zuko gives Katara the exact opposite advise in TSR that he gave her in the catacombs.

How everything could be predicted and read by the moon.

WHY YIN AND YANG ARE THREE THINGS AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THREE THINGS.

HOW ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OF THIS TIES BACK TO THE MOON AND BUDDHIST BELIEFS--AND YEAH THE MOON AND BUDDHISM AND HINDUISM ARE MORE CONNECTED IN ATLA THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.

AND HOW IT LEADS INTO OUR MODERN UNDERSTANDING OF THE SELF--BECAUSE JUNG TOOK GREAT INFLUENCE IN HIS DEVELOPING THEORY OF THE CONSCIOUS AND THE SUBCONSCIOUS FROM THE HINDU/BUDDHIST RELIGIONS

^^^^AND ALSO THE THEORY OF THE SHADOW AND THE PERSONA

The ocean is a deep, dark, unknown place with a lot of hidden monsters (like Yon Rah). Katara needed a light to find her monster, but she also needed somewhere she could breathe when she came back up for air.

If she didn’t have both Zuko and Aang, Katara would have drowned.

I wasn’t kidding when I said this was a thesis, and what I’ve said and listed here isn’t even all that I have.

btw This all does line up on the traditional Yin Yang symbol we know and see in the show, but I don’t have enough space here for that lmao. That’ll be in the analysis

I hope you enjoyed this little taste, my friend, because I need to sit down for a hot second before my brain leaks out of my ears. Sorry for the ramble. I promise the analysis isn’t like this lol. This is just me trying to summarize as best as I can.

***Disclaimer: My points are always subject to change since I am still researching. These are the facts as I’ve found and applied them to the evidences I’ve noted from in the show. I’m always open for friendly discussion or any directions to better sources on Buddhism/Tao/Jung!***

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michaelburnhamfanclub · 3 years

Text

season three is where star trek discovery claims to have found its stride, and i must admit that with the season’s premiere, i was more than inclined to agree. however, now that s3 is complete and we’re able to take a holistic view of all of the resolved and unresolved arcs, i’m still pretty unsatisfied

with the s3 finale, it became clear that the season’s mission in terms of its protagonist was a concise one: to fully prepare michael burnham for the captain’s seat

i was thrilled when michael finally was promoted to captain, but it’s really worth examining the ways that the show went about its final preparations for such a promotion. there were a few major tenants to michael’s character arc across these thirteen episodes, and the following two themes are the ones i think are most worth unpacking in terms of what they do in service of michael’s promotion:

1. michael’s ongoing and complex relationship with isolation

2. michael’s inclination to subvert authority and protocol in service of what is right

i’ll try and unpack these a little bit below the cut

michael and isolation

ever since the very first episode of the very first season, michael burnham has been a character entrenched in her own isolation. in season one, michael found friendship and community on the discovery by forging bonds with sylvia tilly, ash tyler, and paul stamets and by redefining previously broken bonds with saru and the alternate philippa georgiou. one of the main reasons why s1 is kinda still my favorite season is this very aspect of it: michael’s success and the federation’s survival depended on the creation and strength of these bonds

season two continued michael’s experience of isolation by introducing her estranged and tortured relationship with spock. the major theme of michael’s character in this season was her instinct to “reach” for the people who always seemed furthest from her despite everything (i.e., she “reached” for her parents, spock, tilly, etc.). this was the final message she imparted to spock: the act of reaching for others will always be the most worthwhile thing, even if you are unable to ever touch them. michael was finally able to connect with spock only to be launched into the future

season three picks up on this theme in what i think is the most conceivably devastating way possible. michael is isolated for a whole year from the crew of the discovery, and when she returns into the fold, nobody reaches for her.

now, a huge part of why the first and third episodes hit me so hard is because i really thought they were going somewhere meaningful with this. she loses so much, and the gratitude directed towards her in the third episode is directly acknowledged as NOT ENOUGH. michael stands among her found family in the halls of the discovery, a family she has mourned for a year, and tilly says, “you let us go, didn’t you?” and there seems to be purpose to it

the first half of season three sees michael feeling lost, struggling to find a single reason why she should feel like she should belong with these people on this ship anymore. tilly and saru both clearly understand this, and instead of seeing any efforts on their part to welcome her back into their family, they further contribute to her feelings of isolation and make HER apologize for keeping THEM out of the loop (and yeah i understand that these apologies have to do with breaches in starfleet protocol but rn i’m only focusing on the interpersonal implications). the only meaningful connections that michael is able to maintain this season are with book and georgiou. and while i adore them both, georgiou leaves before the season ends and book is from the future and isn’t a discovery crew member, which makes it feel like when michael says she doesn’t think she belongs on the discovery, she’s RIGHT

this first half of development would’ve been all well and good if it had been carried out to its logical conclusion, which would have been the discovery crew fighting to make michael feel like she belongs, but that never happened. instead, we get unification iii, which is a great episode on its own, but it only resolves michael’s internal feelings regarding her place in starfleet, not the interpersonal tension that’s made her feel more isolated than she’s been since, like, maybe even early season one.

this is all to say that i don’t understand how this unfulfilled arc generates michael’s preparedness to stay on the discovery as captain, unless we’re going with the “the captain defines themself as separate from the crew because they’re the captain” narrative that star trek does admittedly love. i would be more into it if i was sure that discovery would actually explore that isolation with the care it deserves

it could be cool to potentially explore a discussion or resolution of this arc next season by bringing commander nhan back as michael’s first officer, another character who felt disconnected enough from the discovery’s crew to actually decide to leave, but idk i guess we’ll see

michael and authority

i’ve talked about how michael’s s1 character arc was a journey to learn how to subvert authority before. she starts the show as “the mutineer,” and this is a signifier we can’t forget

my roommate and i have also talked a lot about how the command structure of the discovery is so fucking weird, and i think a large part of it is because it naturally organizes itself around its heart, which is a position that michael instinctively and effortlessly occupies (though that is not to say that this effortlessness is not without its own suffering---michael being the heart of the discovery is what leads to the reinforcement of her martyr complex, though that’s not the focus of this post so i won’t dwell there)

season three’s essential question that it sets up with michael centers around doing the right thing her way or doing the right thing starfleet’s way. in her year alone, michael is finally able to define herself outside of starfleet, and she likes who she finds. this is one of the main reasons she struggles to reinsert herself into the crew of the discovery, this is the reason she rejects the idea of being the crew’s captain outright, and this is the reason saru gives for demoting her. this is the eventual reason that michael sends paul in an escape pod to the federation hq instead of immediately trying to jump for hugh, saru, and adira. this is the reason that she is eventually promoted to captain

tbh i would have had less issue with this storyline if not for a couple key details: (1) michael was punished for subverting starfleet protocol when other characters (like keyla or tilly) were encouraged or rewarded for it. (2) idk i feel like we’ve exceeded the bounds of the whole “needs of the many/needs of the few” ideological tenant, which was (i think) something that the ni’var president even SAID.

when it comes down to it, i just think that michael’s complicated relationship with subverting authority deserves a much more complicated storyline. i do think that this is something we’ll see more of in s4 because it’s always going to be one of the greatest tenants of her character, but that doesn’t change the fact that it seems to have fallen rather flat in s3 for me. i’d argue that this is because discovery doesn’t seem to want to commit to its serialized style as much anymore, but maybe that’s for another post lmao

i don’t think i’ve quite found a way to properly articulate it yet, but michael taking the captain’s seat was supposed to be the culmination of three seasons of buildup. however, the buildup that the show suggested in the s3 finale seemed to be based on things that michael had already earned by the s3 premiere. her relationship with authority this season felt. idk. maybe it’s because this was kinda the first time the show attempted to show michael as a subordinate on the discovery instead of as the heart of the discovery, but it felt like it just wasn’t the natural place to take that particular element of her characterization. i’m hoping that s4 will deliver on this front, but the main thing is that i don’t think s3 did

tl;dr s3 was not what i was hoping for in terms of furthering michael’s character, and now that she’s captain i would love for these two elements of her characterization to be explored to their full and complicated conclusions

#star trek discovery #michael burnham #god this is long #been trying to settle my thoughts for days and well here they are #as they exist today at least

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