#less than 2000 lol

[katatonicimpression]

so, the other day there was another one of those "sam shouldn't be cap, they should make the most of him as the falcon" posts in the tag and some adjacent stuff has been legit straight up haunting me so I guess i'm going to write about it for some ungodly number of words

i) Concern Trolling (Part 1)

The obvious thing straight off the bat is that this is such a disingenuous take. It has all the trademarks of "here's a appropriate-sounding reason for me to take the same position as the reactionary racists without sounding racist myself". It's textbook. They're not opposed to the idea of a Black man leading the avengers and taking on this important title, they're just concerned that they're not doing the character of the Falcon justice. Like, come on. You can smell the bullshit from here.

Now, I don't know this person's mind, and it's likely that they believe what they're saying (weirdly enough, most concern trolls do, to some extent). Moreover, it's possible that they are the rare example of someone who genuinely just happens to have a specific belief that alligns with the reactionaries, but it's just this one thing and they have good reasons for it.

So... let's explore that possibility. What good reasons are there to object to Sam's time as cap?

ii) Is Being Cap Bad for Sam's Writing?

There is this irratating phenomenon from Sam's cap era where he'll be pushed into a role that was clearly written for Steve. This ranges from dialogue choices to physical roles in action scenes. Sam is not super strong - he's a super acrobat and friend to all the woodland creatures. Sam is not a military man - he's a social worker. Sam's politics are more cynical, and more radical than Steve's. Sam's more sarcastic, more of a complainer, but also more flamboyant and more "free-wheeling".

Many of his appearances as cap flatten Sam, make him honestly kind of boring at times. The writing is just whatever bog-standard captain america thing they thought of and Sam's own personality is absent. This is most common in Avengers storylines, where he's not the focus, but even Symbol of Truth - a series ostensively about Sam - ended with the villain monologuing about how Sam "thinks he's america's greatest patriot". And, like, no. No he doesn't. Even for a villain line it doesn't work because it's not just wrong, it's irrelevant. That line could work if directed at Steve (depending on the context), but makes no sense with Sam. He doesn't think he's a great patriot, because he isn't, because he thinks patriotism is dumb. Like, it's kind of his core feature when he's first introduced lol.

What's happening here is that Sam is being handed over to writers who don't know him well, and in some cases don't care about him and maybe even don't like him. This leads to bad writing, ooc appearances and a general sense of a wasted opportunity.

There's a point (made in the original post that got me started on this), that the captain america role is inherently limiting and maybe even inherently boring. I don't agree (see part v), but I would agree that in practice, the role has been limiting on Sam's character and, on multiple occassions, constrained his writing.

iii) The Two Caps Thing

This is something I've complained about before, but the obvious problem with samcap is the shitshow that has resulted from having him and Steve "share" the title.

There is nothing wrong with it in concept, the problem is entirely in how it's played out in practice.

Steve is in a new comic every week, often more than one, often plastered all over the cover. He appears in crossover events, and is often featured heavily in other hero/team's stories. On top of this he has cameos, ranging from small appearances to more meaty roles.

In this same time period, Sam was in Symbol of Truth, and now Avengers. No other series featured him. You'd see him once a month at most. He has cameo appearances in this time, but only a handful. These cameos have been often wordless appearances, or contain a line or two of generic dialogue.

This is ridiculous. It's embarrassing for Marvel. It's an absolute shitshow. They are not "sharing" the title. Functionally, as far as Marvel comics has been concerned for the last two years, Steve has been Captain America and Sam has been barely present.

iv) Concern Trolling (Part 2 - a.k.a. Why the last two points are redundant)

The obvious thing to point out, is that none of this would be any better if Sam was still the falcon, because it's been happening the entire time.

Sam being written badly? Been there since arguably the beginning. Sam being written ooc because the writers don't care about him? Since the 80s at least. Sam being a stock military tough guy? The 00s called and want their ideas back. Sam barely being featured in preference for more wanking over Steve? Yeah, that's literally the late 70s when Jack Kirby took over the series for a stint, and it only got more common from then.

Due to a combination of factors (let's be clear - Racism is the big one), Sam's been written terribly on many occasions since his introduction. And, for the same reasons, he also just doesn't get featured as much, and gets shelved and ignored a whole bunch. It ends up creating a vicious cycle, where Sam isn't around, so no one thinks to include him, and when they do, they don't read anything about him because they don't care, which then leads to them portraying him blandly or even ooc, which does him no favours and makes writers less willing to include him.

Obviously there is still plenty of good Sam writing out there, but my point is that all the problems we see in his cap era are the same problems that have been around for decades. The 00s in particular were bad for literally all marvel Sam's character.

Honestly, I personally think that if Sam had never become cap, he'd barely be in comics nowadays at all.

So, if someone says "i'd rather Sam was the falcon, so that they could explore his unique personality and backstory, and not saddle him with illfitting tropes and bland characterisation - and so they could really give him attention and focus on him" - yeah, that sounds great but it would never happen, and if you have any familiarity with this character's history, you'd know that. It was standard practice to ignore and under-write Sam as the falcon; what on earth makes you think that pushing him back to that (less prominant) role would fix anything?

I think that's why I find it impossible to take this position seriously. If you're a fan of the character, you'd know that the idea of the falcon being done justice by marvel is an unrealistic fantasy. It's hard not to assume that someone is being disingenuous when they suggest it.

v) Is Being Cap Good for Sam's Writing?

If we let this conversation get a little more abstract for a second, and not about Marvel themselves (and the decisions of writers and editors and marketers etc.), there's still a question of whether having Sam be captain america is a good creative decision in and of itself.

I mentioned before how Sam is not a patriot, and he openly derides the whole cap thing throughout the 70s. So, you could say that there's something ooc about him being cap... but I'd disagree. Sam's decision in 616 (and MCU while we're here) was made after Steve asked him to do this, leading to his own mixed thought process on the matter. I think that's good drama. Sometimes having a character be pushed into doing something they wouldn't normally do is good actually, because it puts them out of their comfort zone and gives us a story.

Similarly, his move to become cap again recently was also because of a push, a pressured decision - this time from Misty and the Avengers.

Sam's 2015 series is genuinely great. The art is great, the characterisation is strong, and it bridges the gap between Sam in the 70s and the present day in a really satisfying way - it feels rooted in him as a character in a way so much of his writing isn't. Is it perfect? No, but it is good. And I bring it up here to make a very important point: having Sam be cap opens up an entire range of storytelling possibilities that aren't there with him as falc.

It changes his position relative to other superheroes, it changes his relationship with Steve, it makes him more important in people's eyes - it's Sam in a different, more complicated stage in his life. A stage where he's beholden to more people, has different responsibilities. It's good, actually.

Like, I get that this is heresy in comic book world but yes sometimes changing the status quo is good, actually.

vi) Clinging Onto the Falcon

I do think that Sam's unique history as the Falcon should not be abandoned in favour of the cap stuff. He's a bird prince and a free wheeling flyboy and all of that. That past identity is still his, even if he's using a different title.

One thing that has bothered me in the post samcap era is that sometimes Redwing is treated like he's Joaquin's now. Like, Redwing is a full on person with human-level intelligence and one of Sam's closest friends, and sometimes he gets treated like an accessory to hand over to the new falcon. It's weird and dumb. In general, Joaquin has a different relationship to the whole bird thing to Sam, and his character isn't a one-to-one replacement for him. Just like how Sam is not anything like a replacement for Steve. Fundamentally, they play different roles.

Redwing is still Sam's partner, the bird thing is still Sam's schtick, the Falcon is still kind of Sam's identity - it's just shared. And I think remembering this - bringing all the aspects of sam's identity together - is part of the solution to the less than satisfying writing we've been seeing.

vii) Conclusion....???

There's nothing inherent to Sam being Captain America that makes him difficult to write well, and the premise is actually a great springboard for storylines that do centre him and respect him. Do they all do that currently? No, but the problem there is upstream of what superhero title he has.

What Sam needs is basically just more material - he needs a new solo (which I would assume he'll be getting between now and the film release because bRaNd sYnErGy), he needs other substantial appearances outside of that, he needs multiple writers throwing their towel in the ring and giving a more varied perspective, and maybe needs a couple of memos from editorial with some guidelines on characterisation (and art).

Like, ok I am basically saying that in order to fix unsatisfying writing, the writing needs to be better. But yeah. Whatever, it was like a one sentence post that set me off on this...

#less than 2000 lol #this is alll comics based btw #also don't read it it's just a ramble #rants

[bylertruther]

some of you never grew up in a small conservative town as a (gay) nerd that was bullied, harassed, and excluded for years on end for not fitting in and for visibly and enthusiastically liking geek things—geek things that then branded you a satanist in everyone's eyes and as something Other, Lesser, and Undoubtedly Unworthy of Basic Human Decency even though you were literally just an actual child with harmless interests and not a satanist or an evil disgusting subhuman thing, and it shows.

you cannot apply modern views and beliefs to a show that is set in the eighties, especially not when it's set in conservative midwest eighties which is a whole other beast. being a socially awkward and nonconforming geek is something that people STILL get bullied for if you don't do it in a way that the majority deems "acceptable", especially if you live in a conservative, religious area.

your experiences are not universal and your inability to relate to a certain motif or story does not make it "lesser" or "bad writing."

#stranger things #mike wheeler #<- tagging and then disappearing into the mist again bc i don't like it here lol. #girls when they love stranger things because they finally see characters just like them with the same exact experiences written with such #care and respect for those that have been Deemed Other but people who have not had those experiences refuse to believe that they're #realistic and STILL happen to people bc if they're fortunate to have not gone through that then clearly that means that it doesn't exist #and if it does then it's not Traumatic Enough or a good enough plot to cause such inner turmoil in the characters who experience that #💥🛼 #i got bullied for being a nerd in the 2000s and 2010s. you can absolutely get bullied for being a nerd and being a nerd is enough reason #for social exile in some places. when dustin said that no one was nice to him or mike? when lucas said that girls laughed at them? and it's #all because they're deemed freaks and satanists for liking fantasy things? that's Real and it doesn't hurt any less just because you think #it's not a good enough reason to bully someone. #i was called a satanist to my face by adults. people acted like i was some Creature or whatever just because i liked fiction and wasn't #interested in what the majority was interested in and wore dark clothing sometimes. like.. hello. school shooter jokes? the way #that neurodivergent people get treated when they're visibly ''different'' and enjoy things passionately? the way that liking star wars was #a thing to ridicule until it suddenly became Acceptable and Popular to like? i feel like i'm living in a different reality than so many #people here with the way that they talk about certain things in this show. and don't even get me started on the way people approached #the angela and el situation.... #maybe just be glad that these things did not happen to you and stop acting like it's lesser or a bad story bc of that? just a thought.

[kris-mage-fics]

URL Music

Thanks for tagging me @bi-stander!

K: The Koi Story (锦鲤抄) performed by Jiaju and Zongli

R: Renn by :LOR3L3I:

I: In And Out Of Love by Armin van Buuren feat. Sharon Den Adel

S: Surrender by The Birthday Massacre (cw: lyrics about stalking)

M: Middle Of The Night by Elley Duhé

A: Arise by CLANN

G: Good Behavior by Plumb

E: Everytime We Touch or Evacuate The Dancefloor by Cascada (Sorry I can't choose!)

F: Flower Maiden by Dzivia

I: I Miss You by blink-182 (cw: flashing lights, disturbing imagery, depictions of drowning, and spiders)

C: Concomitance by Anton Belov (bandcamp link since I couldn't find it as a single on youtube)

S: Show Your Fangs by The Crane Wives

By the way, a lot of these videos have the lyrics in the CC, description box, or in one of the top comments. Though I know some of the lyrics for "Good Behavior" are wrong.

Tagging @yuuugay (three U's might be hard, but I believe in you, Yuki!), and @georgiedoesntfloat (I'm sure you'll find some awesome songs!), and anyone who'd like to do this too! (Sorry for not tagging anyone else, I actually did like 96% of this two days ago then my brain decided it couldn't think of more people who like music and it hasn't been cooperating with me since. :/ Did I go overboard with the colors? Idk, but I'm leaving it.)

#I'd say this list is a fairly good representation of my totally random music tastes lol #rip to “Angel” by First Aid Kit which got bumped off because I just found “Arise” this morning and I fucking love CLANN #(I say that as if I've been a fan for a long time when the truth is I found them - and 2/3 of the music on this list - less than a year ago #you can pry cheesy 2000's dance music out of my cold dead hands! it got me through some rough times and it's still fun #is it just me or does “I Miss You” hit harder now than when it came out 20 years ago? wait wtf it came out 20 years ago?!?! haha I'm old #I still have every song on Chaotic Resolve (the album “Good Behavior” is from) memorized I listened to it so much after it came out #if you do look up the other songs on it be aware that “Cut” is about self harm and my take is that “Damaged” is about CSA but it isn't clea #it's the least Christian album from a Christian musician I've ever heard #I have a pretty hard rule to not listen to Christian music from a certain time period ever again but that album is my one exception #(there are good reasons for both the rule and the exception but that's a whole damn post on it's own to explain) #tag game #music

[neotula]

look. i know very much so that you gotta write because you want to. you can't write for kudos or comments or anything external or you'll just end up sad.

anyways this is me coming back with three fics in a week for random fandoms that are. uh. not active (or as active as they once were) after a month or so of "why do i bother writing fanfic ugh" because nothing cuts through the "why should i bother" like a shaken up coke bottle of emotions about a blorbo

#tula rambles #small fandom 1 has less than 2000 works #and the other is homestuck lol #which seems...much less active than it once was #wild

[thereforebucket]

I Was Made For You

Summary: Lupe has a cat. Jess has mice. They've been dating for six months and they're definitely not trying to U-haul. But, you know, the best laid plans of mice and men...

-----

Jesslupe future au feat. Jess' dog, Lupe's Horrible Cat, and Brandi Carlile

Pairing: Lupe García/Jess McCready

Word Count: 9197

AO3

There’s a yelp from the kitchen, followed by “¡Jesucristo!” and a loud bark.

“Timber!” Jess calls, and her giant marshmallow of a Samoyed comes running into the room, then whines at her. She gets up and pats her legs. Timber comes right to her and she sinks her hands into his fur, rubbing up and down his ribs. “You ok boy?” she asks him.

“Oh sure, check on the dog.” Jess looks up to see Lupe leaning against the doorjamb, hands shoved deep in her pockets. She’s dressed in what she changed into after work, a pair of men’s jeans and a vintage Metallica that has only softened with age. She’s arranged her features into a look of annoyance, but there’s a smile peeking out.

Jess smirks. “He’s a big softy, what’s your excuse?”

Lupe raises her eyebrows. “Another mouse,” she says. “It surprised me, darted right out from underneath the oven.”

The smirk sours on Jess’ face. “Fuck,” she says.

“Yeah,” Lupe agrees. “You gotta do something about them, hon, they’re settling in.”

Jess makes a noise of disgust in the back of her throat. “Goddammit.”

There’s a pause. “You know…” Lupe starts slowly, and Jess looks at her sharply.

“No.”

“He’s a good mouser!”

“He’ll scare the dog!”

“So take him for a walk!”

“What, for like four hours?”

Lupe pauses and thinks. “Well, actually, it would probably take longer than that…”

“Lu.”

“Ok I didn’t think it through, but it’s a good idea! And you’ve got mice, sweetheart.” Lupe crosses her arms and fixes Jess with a look. And Jess knows she’s going to lose this one.

She sighs. “Well, where will Timber go if you bring Tío over to my apartment?” Tío is Lupe’s cat and he’s widely considered to be an asshole, most notably by Lupe herself. He’s an older cat that Lupe rescued off the street after he was injured in a fight, and Jess is pretty sure Lupe lives just as much in terror of him as the rest of them, though Lupe claims the relationship is both mutual and loving.

‘Tío’ is also just a nickname. His real name is Tío Beverly after the grumpy, unyielding sponsor of Jess and Lupe’s neighborhood baseball team and an offhand comment from their teammate Maybelle.

“Geez Lu, he looks like a cross between Bev and your scary uncle.” She means this generally, but Lupe does, in fact, have a scary uncle. “And, well, a cat.” And so his name became Tío Beverly and Lupe never looked back.

(Though they’ve talked about Tío at practice, everyone on the team has casually forgotten to mention his full name to Bev. Jess thinks all Bev would do is snort and chuckle a little, but the others are not convinced.)

“You could take him to mine,” Lupe suggests.

Jess frowns. “I can’t leave him alone,” she says. “He’s sensitive.” Lupe considers this.

“We could both go back to mine and leave Tío here,” she says.

“Tío is not staying at my apartment unsupervised,” Jess says firmly. Jess has never escaped the clutches of Tío without a scratch. In her drawer at Lupe’s she has two shirts, a pair of jeans, some socks, underwear, and a box of band-aids. She steals Lupe’s pajamas though.

Lupe holds her hands up. “Look,” she says, “I just think he could help.”

Jess sighs. It’s not a bad solution, honestly. “No, no, I appreciate it,” she says. She thinks for a second. “I bet Ana would take Timber for a little bit, or maybe Carson.”

Lupe purses her lips. “Mmm but would Greta?” she says. “Ana might be a better bet.”

Jess raises her eyebrows. “Greta said Timber was the best-behaved dog she’d ever met,” she says, “which I take full credit for, but I hear your point. I’ll try Ana first.”

“Great!” Lupe says, trying and failing not to look too pleased.

Jess snorts and stands up, walking towards Lupe. Timber whines, but she just shushes him before placing her hands on Lupe’s hips. “You really wanted to bring your cat here that bad?” she asks, grinning.

Lupe wraps her arms loosely around Jess’ neck. “I just like making sure you’re taken care of, querido.” She smiles her dreamy smile.

And god, how could Jess not blush at that? At that statement? At the -o instead of the -a? For Lupe, Jess would suffer even the world’s worst cat making her apartment its home for a little while. So she smiles back and pulls her a little closer. “I know,” she says, and brings their lips together.

-----

So Jess takes Timber to Ana’s for a few days and Tío moves in.

“Temporarily,” Jess reminds Lupe, because Tío is missing yet another clump of fur and looks like he got in a fight with an electrical socket. Lupe pulls him out of the carrier and he immediately wriggles out of her arms, off like a shot to the underside of Jess’ armchair.

“I know,” Lupe says, trying desperately to catch Tío and failing spectacularly. She wipes her hands on her shirt like she meant to just turn him loose. “This isn’t my backdoor into U-Hauling with you, McCready. If I wanted to do that, I’d keep about half of my clothes here and basically never spend the night at my apartment.” Lupe has approximately half her shirts and a third of her pants at Jess’ apartment. Jess cleaned out two drawers for her. She spends about two nights a week at her own place and the rest curled up in Jess’ bed. It’s casual.

Jess opens her mouth but can’t think of anything to say. Her eyes dart between Lupe’s. Her brow furrows.

Lupe frowns in concern. “Hey, hey, I’m joking,” she says, holding her hands out towards Jess to steady her. “I like my apartment just fine. It’s close to the subway and Tío likes watching the pigeons from the window.”

And. It. Well. Jess wasn’t really worried about that. Or rather, she hadn’t thought it would be soon or anything, but she had just been thinking that week about how nice it was to wake up with Lupe, how she’d have to replace Lupe’s toothbrush soon since she was wearing it out, how convenient it had been since she’d given Lupe a spare set of keys and she could just let herself in if she got to Jess’ before her. Jess isn’t sure she’s ready to offer it, but it would sort of be the dream to live with Lupe.

But she doesn’t say that. Instead, she gawps for another second before managing to get out “Well, we can’t deprive him of the pigeons, can we?”

And Lupe still looks a little concerned, but she chuckles. “Speaking of him, I’m going to try to lure him to the kitchen so he can catch these mice.”

Lupe spends about five minutes trying to lure Tío out from under the chair before giving up and going to set up his litterbox and food. She shakes out a little dry food, then pops the top on a can of wet food. “Since it’s his first night here,” she explains to Jess, “I want him to have positive—” Tío comes trotting into the room, chirping, and winds herself around Lupe’s legs. “—Associations,” Lupe finishes. “Well hello you,” she says to the cat, who is now purring. Jess didn’t know he even knew how to purr.

Lupe reaches down to pet him and Tío takes it for exactly three pets before swiping at her hand and meowing loudly. “Yeah, yeah,” Lupe says, rolling her eyes. She pulls the rest of the top off the wet food and dumps it unceremoniously into the dish. Tío tears in and Jess curls her lip in disgust at the wet smacking sounds. “Hey, he’s doing you a service,” Lupe says, catching her. “You gotta pay him somehow.”

Jess nods. “You got me there.”

-----

Tío catches zero mice that evening, but he does shatter a glass by knocking it off the counter and sharpen his claws on the side of Jess’ couch. Lupe apologizes profusely, especially about the couch, promising to learn how to upholster if she has to. Beyond the initial shock of seeing it, though, it actually isn’t that noticeable, so Jess just tells her to forget it.

That night is hell, even though they keep the cat out of the bedroom, but in the morning, Jess finds a mouse head laid neatly by the bedroom door and figures this may have been worth it. She nearly changes her mind when she finds the body floating in the cat’s water dish, but she flings both pieces off the fire escape into the alley below anyway, then washes her hands and starts to make coffee, eggs, and toast.

Once the smell of coffee starts to fill the apartment, Jess hears Lupe start to stir. “He caught one,” she tells her when she hears Lu trudge into the kitchen.

“Oh yeah?” Lupe asks. She comes up behind Jess and rests her head on Jess’ shoulder, wrapping her arms around her middle. There’s a lazy thrill up Jess’ spine and she smiles as she scrambles the eggs in the pan.

“I’ve got to reach the cheese,” she says softly to Lupe, pointing at the bag of shredded cheese on the counter just out of reach.

Lupe unspools herself from around Jess and leans over, grinning. “Do you?” she asks and slides the bag over.

Jess grins back. “I guess not,” she says. She reaches out to take it and Lupe holds it out of reach again.

“Ah ah ah, gotta pay the toll first.” This close up, the sun is catching on Lupe’s eyelashes. Her eyes are a warm, mahogany brown and she’s looking at Jess with a hooded, teasing expression that electrifies Jess in a way that fights with the way she wants to rise to Lupe’s challenge. So, in compromise, she takes Lupe’s hip in one hand and uses her body to push her against the counter. She kisses her fully, leaving nothing on the table, and doesn’t miss how Lupe’s breath hitches in her throat. Lupe steadies herself against the counter with her free hand and, at the same time, Jess snakes her hand along Lupe’s other arm and pulls the cheese from her grasp. She pulls back and smiles, poking her chin out in victory. She raises her eyebrows, once, then opens the cheese and pulls out a handful, sprinkling it on top of the eggs.

Lupe bursts into a quiet chuckle. “You’re gonna kill me one day, McCready,” she says, smiling. Then she reaches out with a thumb and brushes just beneath Jess’ bottom lip. “Got a little spit there,” she teases.

Jess shrugs. “I mean it’s yours,” she says.

Lupe just rolls her eyes.

She moves away and pulls two earthenware mugs from the mug cabinet. They’re Jess’ two favorite mugs. One is a matte, forest green with an unglazed raised square engraved with pine trees. The other is small, with seven short sides and a circular handle. It is smooth and gray, speckled with black, and very clearly handmade. You have to fill it twice to get a normal amount of coffee, but Jess loves it without equal.

Lupe pours the coffee while Jess finishes up the eggs and puts them on plates. She pulls the toast out of the second, smaller pan and inspects it on both sides. She notes, with pride, that it is perfectly toasted. Lupe likes to tease her for not having a toaster, but how can she argue when it means she gets the perfect slice of toast every time? She puts the toast on the plates as well and brings them to the table.

Lupe sets the coffees down on the table as well, one in front of each chair, and Jess notices that she’s given her the green mug. She gives Lupe a look, quirking an eyebrow and Lupe bites her lip, laughing silently.

“Just thought I’d switch things up a little,” she says, sliding her index finger through the gray mug’s handle and holding it near her chest.

Jess can’t think of anything to say other than “But that’s mine!” It comes out whiny and petulant and Lupe has to stick her tongue in between her lips to keep from laughing out loud.

“Pobrecito,” she says, stepping forward and lightly shaking Jess’ jaw with her free hand. She leans in and plants a kiss on Jess’ lips before leaning back and taking a sip of the coffee. “Plus,” she says after a particularly loud slurp, “I’ve already put my like five sugars into this, so you don’t want it.” Lupe takes her coffee black and very sweet. Jess takes hers with no sugar but a heavy amount of cream. She looks at the green mug and notes with distaste that the coffee is already a light tan.

She shakes her head. “After I made you breakfast and everything.” She catches Lupe’s wrist and pulls her in. Lupe sets the mug down so as not to spill and then comes to Jess with a patient expression, resting her hand on Jess’ waist. “And that perfect toast,” Jess continues, and threads their fingers together, pulling their bodies against each other.

Lupe closes her eyes. “Hmm,” she mumbles against Jess’ lips, “you say it’s perfect, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to try it when you’re picking fights about the coffee mugs.”

Jess ghosts her lips up Lupe’s jaw until they rest on the shell of her ear. “Picking fights,” she asks softly, “or claiming what’s mine?” She takes Lupe’s earlobe in her teeth, gently, and feels a shiver run through her.

“I’m not switching the mugs, McCready,” Lupe says, running her thumb back and forth over Jess’ middle. “Coffee’s already been poured.” Jess bites a little harder on her earlobe and feels Lupe’s hand clench on her hip. “You’re going to let it get cold,” she protests weakly.

As it turns out, the point is moot as Tío leaps up onto the table, displacing Jess’ beautiful gray mug and sending it tumbling to the floor. It breaks into three pieces, the smallest piece with the handle separated from another smaller piece of rim separated from a larger piece holding most of the base. The coffee spills over the floor in a splattering wave.

Tío startles upon hearing the noise and springs straight over the rest of the table and onto the floor, sprinting into the other room to hide.

Jess and Lupe break apart and freeze. They stare at the mug for a full ten seconds before Lupe breathes out “Shit.”

She untangles herself from Jess. “Shit.”

She kneels down and starts picking up the pieces. “Shit, Jess, I’m so sorry.”

And. And well, Jess wasn’t psyched about Tío being here in the first place. She wasn’t psyched about the swipes and the mouse in the water bowl and the meowing at her bedroom door all night. And now this. Her favorite mug on the ground, shattered.

But there’s a set to Lupe’s shoulders that tells Jess she’s feeling this too, like an imposition, and she’s looking steadily at the floor, picking up the pieces, not looking at Jess at all, and Jess…doesn’t have the heart to have a reaction. Doesn’t have the heart to break Lupe’s. So she takes a deep breath and says “It’s ok.” Another breath. “It’s ok.” She moves and puts a hand on Lupe’s shoulder, briefly, then pats it. “It’s just a mug. I’ll get a towel.”

They mop up the mess, Lupe holding the broken pieces in her hands, so gingerly, and when the dark coffee has all been soaked away, Lupe gently sets the pieces down and marches into the living room.

It takes her about 15 minutes of coaxing, chasing, and wildly leaping, but she manages to get Tío into his carrier. Jess watches it happen, unsure of what to do. She wants to be supportive of Lupe, wants to be supportive of Lupe’s cat being here, but she’s not feeling very friendly towards him right now. In the end, she helps by blocking the entrance to the kitchen, supporting Lupe by helping her catch this damn cat, and doesn’t comment about the candles and coasters scattered from her coffee table in the process. Jess doesn’t know what Lupe needs to hear right now, doesn’t know how to be there for Lupe and the cat she loves, but she’s always been good at helping with a task.

Once the carrier door slams shut, Lupe stands up and wipes her nose on her sleeve. There’s something that sounds suspiciously like a sniffle in the mix and she’s staring at the floor, not looking at Jess, and Jess is torn between wanting to respect that space and wanting to take Lupe in her arms.

“Well,” Lupes says, roughly scooping up the carrier in one hand. Tío protests. She starts towards the door, pajamas, no shoes, angry cat, and Jess doesn’t know what to say but she doesn’t want this.

“Lu,” she starts.

“I’ll be back!” Lupe calls, grabbing a jacket from the hook on the wall.

“Lupe, wait,” Jess says, moving towards the door. Lupe is hurriedly shoving her feet in her shoes, holding one jacket sleeve between her teeth and trying to shove her arm through the other one. She gets the shoes on and her arm enough in the sleeve to turn the deadbolt. “Babe,” Jess says, but she’s wrenching the door open, still not looking at Jess, and Jess throws her arm out, slamming the door shut and looking beseechingly into Lupe’s eyes.

Jess is breathing heavily, leaning on her outstretched hand, her very body pleading with Lupe to stay. She takes a deep breath and puts a free hand on Lupe’s shoulder. Lupe still isn’t looking at her, but Jess can see the guilt plain on her features, along with a touch of sadness. She’s… Jess realizes she’s misty eyed and feels a jolt of alarm.

“Lu,” she says, cupping her face. Lupe stands stock still, but her mouth pinches closed and Jess can see her shoulders go tight. Jess breathes out, empathy flooding through her, and puts her hands on both shoulders. “Babe,” she says, and Lupe’s shoulders give an involuntary shake. “Babe,” she says again, and pulls Lupe in.

Lupe’s shoulders shake and Jess can feel tears on her own shoulders. She rubs her hands up and down Lupe’s back. Lupe snakes her free arm around Jess’ waist and just lets Jess hold her.

They stay like that, this moment in the entryway, until Tío lets out another yowl and jerks the carrier in Lupe’s hand.

“I’m going to drop him down the fucking stairs,” Lupe growls from Jess’ shoulder.

“No, no, you’re not,” Jess says, and reaches back to take the carrier out of Lupe’s hand, setting it gently on the floor. She stands back up and takes Lupe’s face in her hands, leaning back far enough that she can look into her eyes. “I’m going to cover this with a blanket, and then I’m going to pour you another cup of coffee and we can talk about this, ok?”

Lupe nods wetly, looking tired and vulnerable, and Jess doesn’t want to leave her side for a minute, but she makes good on her word. She leads Lupe to the couch, pulls a blanket out of the basket, and brings it back to cover up the carrier. Tío hisses at her. She ignores him.

She checks on Lupe on her way back to the kitchen, finding her watching her silently. “I’ll be right back,” she says, and heads into the kitchen. She pulls another mug out of the cabinet, this one a standard shape and white, with an assortment of native plants of Saskatchewan printed on it, and fills it with coffee. There’s just enough left in the press to almost fill the mug. Jess puts five sugars in (Jesus, Lupe), stirs, and grabs her own mug to bring to the coffee table.

When she gets back, she finds Lupe picking up the coasters and setting them back on the table. She hands her her coffee, then sets hers on one of the coasters. “Do you want your breakfast?” she asks, and Lupe pauses, then nods.

“I can get it,” she says, standing, but Jess puts her hand firmly on her shoulder.

“No, you sit, I’ll do it.”

She’s back in seconds and hands Lupe her plate before sitting down cross-legged on the couch.

“So, what’s wrong?” she asks Lupe.

Lupe snorts and looks away. “My cat’s an asshole,” she says.

Jess laughs. “I mean, we knew that going in. I knew that going in.” She lifts her plate up so she can prod Lupe with her foot. Lupe gives a short laugh, but her brow furrows. “I’m serious, Lu, I meant it. It’s just a mug.”

Lupe takes in a breath, holds it. She’s staring at the door. “It’s not, though,” she lets out, finally.

Jess frowns. The phrase puts a little jolt through her heart, but she wracks her brains, looking for any sign that Lupe is breaking up with her, and can’t find any, so she forces herself to be calm. “Meaning?” she asks.

Lupe’s quiet for another moment, then says “I mean, I really like you. I like everything about you. I like the things we do together, I like that we do things apart, I can see us doing this for, well, a lot longer than this…” she takes another deep breath and lets it out slowly, “…and the only barrier I can see to that is this damn cat.” She looks quickly at Jess, coloring slightly. “And like the fact that we’ve only been dating for six months and I don’t know how you feel about all that and like. I don’t want to cramp your style or anything.” She takes, frankly, a huge bite of her toast and washes it down with coffee.

There is a lot Jess wants to say to this, but there’s also a smile creeping onto her face so she says what’s on her mind first. “So,” she says, “this is your backdoor into U-Hauling with me,” and she watches as Lupe splutters.

“Oh god, no! No, Jess, I promise, I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable or like rush this or anything!” Her face is so red, Jess wonders idly if she could fry an egg on it. “I just,” she reaches for Jess’s hands and Jess lets her take them, “I really like you and I don’t want to fuck this up. Or have my dumbass cat fuck this up.” She swallows and looks away. “I’m sorry about your mug.”

And god if Jess isn’t just fully in love with this person. If she doesn’t want to kiss her senseless and say yes, she wants this too. If she doesn’t want to frisbee the eggs across the room and fuck her on the couch right now. So, she takes a breath. She reaches up a hand and fiddles with Lu’s necklace, leaning her head in close. “You’re not fucking this up,” she says quietly, and it’s suddenly very hard to meet Lupe’s eyes. “Your cat isn’t either. And I loved that mug, but it was just a thing, Lu.” She does look up here and finds Lupe watching her hand on her necklace, almost transfixed, and it’s so… God, Jess doesn’t know what, but she drops the necklace and reaches up to cup her face, then draws their lips together.

It's a charged kiss. A slow, but desperate kiss. Not desperate like they’re scared they’ll lose each other, desperate in the way of wanting to tell the other something, show the other something, and fuck if Jess is going to try and tell her any other way.

A jostling on her legs reminds her of the plate in her lap and she breaks off, briefly, to move the dishes to the table, then pulls Lupe onto her lap.

The kiss that follows sears her to her core and she reaches up to fist a hand in Lupe’s curls. Lupe moans. Jess takes the opportunity to move her lips to Lupe’s neck and hears Lupe’s breath catch in her throat, hears her gasp as Jess sucks hard at her neck, then soothes the spot with her tongue.

They’re working fast now, Lupe’s hands are on her back, on her hips, in her hair, and Jess reaches her hands under Lupe’s shirt to palm a breast, feeling her nipple harden.

Lupe tries to do the same to her, is pulling on the hem of her shirt, but Jess takes a moment to gently push her hands away and pulls back slightly to shake her head. “This is all you, babe,” she says.

The look Lupe gives her…devastating. She’s all blown pupils and kiss-swollen lips and an expression like she understands exactly what Jess is trying to say. And she nods. And she lets Jess lay her down on the couch. And Jess has never seen a more beautiful woman in all her life.

Jess pulls her shirt up and Lupe has to sit up a little to take it off (poor planning on Jess’ part), but once it’s off, Lupe lays there in all her glory, hair haloing her face, and Jess holds her gaze and she leans down and takes a nipple in her mouth.

Lupe takes a shuddering breath, then shuts her eyes and fists a hand in her own hair. Jess’ tongue works at the nipple and Lupe’s breaths come faster, faster, her eyes fluttering closed, then back open to watch. Jess grins, then takes her mouth away by a few centimeters.

“What,” Lupe breathes, irate, “the fuck—”

And then Jess comes back with teeth and there are no more words out of Lupe’s mouth.

Jess’ teeth graze her nipple, then her tongue, and then her hand comes up to Lupe’s hip, her thumb stroking deep over the bone, and Lupe’s mouth opens in a silent ‘O.’

Jess watches her, drinking it in, not sure if she could ever stop watching her, relishing in her reactions as her thumb strokes her hipbone over and over.

“Jess,” Lupe gasps out, “McCready I swear to god…”

Jess pauses her tongue politely and looks up, smiling innocently. “You swear to god what?” she says.

The look Lupe gives her would kill a lesser man.

“If you don’t move your hand and do something about this,” Lupe gestures to herself, “in the next ten seconds…”

Jess grins. “Something like this?” she says, and tugs Lupe’s waistband down an inch, moving her other hand to Lupe’s other hip and repeating the same ministrations as her first hand.

“McCready!” Lupe spits out, and Jess chuckles, softly, before she begins the slow, agonizing journey of pulling Lupe’s pants off her ass, then over her thighs, then entirely off and into a heap on the ground.

“Missed something,” Lupe says irritably, snapping the waistband of her underwear, and Jess just laughs, lifting herself onto her elbow to kiss Lupe.

“So demanding,” she says, and runs one finger over the outside of Lupe’s underwear. Lupe whimpers, before hiding her face in the couch cushions.

“God, Jess, please,” she says, and Jess knows she’s frowning. “This is fucking embarrassing.” Jess just laughs and runs her finger over her underwear again, pressing harder this time. Lupe gasps. “I swear to god, you goddamn—”

Jess pushes down hard on where she knows Lupe’s clit is and Lupe moans into the couch cushions. Jess pulls her underwear aside and slides a finger down Lupe’s folds, marveling at the slickness she finds there. She brings her mouth back to the side of Lupe’s breast and runs her finger up and down the first layer, feeling Lupe’s breath hitch each time she approaches her clit and hearing her exhale each time she nears her entrance.

“I— Fuck. Holy— Jesus Jess, shit!”

As Lupe’s breaths quicken and her hips start to buck into her, Jess uses her free hand to draw Lupe’s mouth to hers, then thrusts her middle finger inside, swallowing her moan.

It’s quick after this. Jess thrusts her finger in over and over, slipping another in when Lupe clutches at her back, and just at the climax, she brings her other hand down to thumb over her clit. Lupe clenches down over her hand in waves, her breaths coming out in sighs, and she pulls Jess to her and kisses her, hard.

“You,” she breathes out. “You fucking angel. You beautiful thing.” And Jess, suddenly overwhelmed, breaks down and bursts into fucking tears.

-----

“God, who are you, Jenny from The L Word?” Jo asks over a cigarette in the alley behind Jess’ building. Jess shoves her.

“It just happened, ok?” she says, and Jo laughs, stumbling out of arm’s reach. “I just, she was being so sweet and we were, like, together, and I just.” She trails off.

“Let loose the waterworks?” Jo dances even further out of Jess’ reach as Jess rolls her eyes.

“Yeah I guess,” she says, and puts her head in her hand.

Jo slides back in and puts an arm over her shoulder. “Hey buddy, don’t get so down! It just means that you’re a little Cancer baby, this is normal!”

Jess rolls her eyes. “So you tell me, you fucking Leo,” she says, but she leans into the hug.

Jo giggles at her expression. “What, did she laugh at you or something?” She leans forward to look Jess in the eye. “I’ll fight her, Jess. Striker ain’t got nothing on the Bazooka, I’m tellin’ ya.” She flexes and kisses her bicep.

Jess laughs. “Sure, keep telling yourself that,” she tells Jo.

Jo spreads her arm in protest. “She’s a matchstick!”

Jess just laughs and stubs out her cigarette.

It’s comfortable on the elevator ride back up to the apartment. Jo is a solid presence, calming in her surety, the ease of her stance. She fills the space with chatter about her job, about Greta, about Maybelle and her girls, and Jess sinks into the chatter, absorbing it.

When they get to her floor, Jess leads Jo down the hall and unlocks her door, pausing before opening it to make sure Tío doesn’t try to escape. The door clear, she lets Jo in.

The dishes are still on the coffee table where they had left them earlier and Jess notes with sadness her untouched toast. It seems a shame to waste it, but it’s even worse to eat stale toast, so Jess scoops up the plates and brings them to the sink.

“So where is the bastard?” Jo asks, and as if on cue, Jess hears a hiss. “Whoa,” Jo says, and Jess peeks around the corner to see Jo backing away from her armchair, arms raised.  

“You found him,” Jess says, as Tío, under the chair, swipes at the air.

“Jesus, he is MEAN,” Jo says, crouching down to look at him. She takes hold of a book on the coffee table, some romance Lupe left there, and slowly moves it towards Tío. He swipes at it, hisses, but the book just keeps coming. Eventually, confused, he gives a little peep and turns around, trotting quickly to the kitchen.

Jess laughs. “You outfoxed him,” she says to Jo, but Jo is frowning.

“You know he’s limping?” she asks.

Jess frowns back. “What?”

Jo points. “He’s limping,” she says, and stands up to follow him.

Jess whips her head around to watch the cat. He’s standing at the water bowl, taking a drink, so it’s impossible to tell, but she crosses the room to him and he looks up and walks away as she approaches.

“Son of a bitch,” Jess says under her breath. Jo’s right. Ever so slightly, Tío is favoring left front leg. “Holy shit…”

“Yeah, right there,” Jo says, pointing again. Now that she’s pointed it out, Jess can see it clearly. “Was he not doing that earlier?”

Jess wracks her brains and comes up empty. “No, I don’t think so,” she says. “But I don’t know! I didn’t notice it until you said something!” Her breath is coming shallowly. She prays to any god who will listen that this doesn’t get back to her Uncle Chester in Saskatchewan, who’d taken her on hunting trips since she was a child, that a wounded animal lived in her apartment and she didn’t notice it. God, Lupe probably doesn’t know either.

Jess takes a breath, then clears her throat. “Ok, well let’s catch him then.”

Jo looks at her askance. “Why?”

“We gotta take him to the vet,” she says. Jo opens her mouth to say something and Jess rolls her eyes. “I have to take him to the vet,” she says.

Jo nods. “I have to get to Greta’s by five, but I’ll help make sure this guy doesn’t kill anyone on the subway, at least for part of the ride.” Jess nods. It’s more than she would have asked from Jo, so she’ll take it. Jo wipes her hands on her pants. “So,” she says, “how do we catch him?”

Jess thinks for a minute. “I don’t know,” she admits finally. “Lupe kinda,” she mimes with her hands, “dove and caught him earlier, but I think that was mostly luck.”

Jo nods. “Does he like anything?”

No, Jess wants to say, suffering, pain, but then she remembers something from earlier. “Wet food!” she says, remembering how Tío had wound himself around Lupe, purring as she opened the can.

Jo wrinkles her nose. “Gross.”

“He’s a cat, Jo,” Jess says, then crosses to the paper bag Lupe had brought with Tío’s things. Sure enough, inside is another can of wet food. “Come on,” she says, and walks over to his carrier in the living room.

She kneels down next to it and holds the can up, then pops the lid, peeling it back. Just like before, Tío comes trotting into the room, chirping, and walks right up to the can, trying to figure out how to get it without interacting with Jess. Jess hesitates.

“What are you doing?” Jo asks. “Put the can in there!” She gestures at the carrier.

“I don’t want him to cut himself on the rim,” Jess says.

“Then you could just dump it in there.”

Jess pulls a face. “Gross,” she says.

Jo shrugs. “Do you want to catch this thing or not?”

Jess sighs, then nods. “I do, I do.” Quickly, she shoves her hand into the carrier and dumps the wet food onto the floor, tapping it a few times to get everything out. Tío is in the carrier faster than she can get her hand out and as soon as her fingers are free, she slams the door shut and latches it.

Tío yowls inside, thrashing around and, Jess notes with a twinge of guilt, getting wet food all over his fur, but he’s been caught.

“You don’t want to wait for Lupe for this?” Jo asks, eyeing the jerking carrier, and Jess shakes her head.

“No, she’s helping Esti pick up a new chair for her apartment today.” Jess had wanted to go too, but she had already made plans with Jo today when Esti asked. “The vet will be closed by the time she gets back.”

Jo cocks her head to the side, nodding. “Fair point.”

So the two of them put on their shoes, grab the cat carrier, and make their way to the closest vet.

-----

Hours later, Jess drags a drugged-up Tío back into her apartment and finds Lupe sitting on the couch, arms crossed. “So I get back from moving this chair with Esti on the subway and find that my cat is missing?” she says. Jess has learned from experience that, even though it sounds like a question, it isn’t.

Jess gingerly steps inside and closes the door before responding. “Look,” she starts, but Lupe is already up off the couch and crouching in front of the carrier.

“Oh my god, what did you do to him?” she asks, alarm spiking in her voice.

“Nothing!” Jess says. Lupe’s hands are fumbling on the latch of the carrier and before Jess can stop her, she’s got the door open and is reaching in. Jess hears a yowl from within and Lupe pulls her hand out, a bright red mark on her thumb. Jess sets the carrier down, a little unceremoniously, and holds Lupe’s shoulders to keep her from hurting herself further. “Lu,” she says, “hold on.” She looks her in the eyes. “Do you trust me?”

“With my cat? I have to say you’re on pretty thin ice with that one right now, McCready.”

Jess nods, that’s fair. “Ok, but in general?” she asks.

“What did you do to my cat, Jess?” Lupe asks, and her words are a brick wall, but Jess can hear the desperation behind them.

Jess wants to pull her into her arms, but instead, she says “I took him to the vet.”

Lupe is suddenly alarmed again, shrugging Jess’ arms off her and leaning around to see into the carrier. “Oh my god, is he ok?” She leans in close. “Tío?” she asks, as if he can answer her.

“He’s fine!” Jess says, turning to follow her. Her legs are all pretzeled up beneath her, but there’s too much going on to sort them out. “Jo noticed he was limping, so I took him in.” She swallows. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice, Lu, I’m so sorry.”

Lupe is not soothed by this news. “Did he hurt himself? Why was he limping?”

Jess shakes her head. “No, he was only limping slightly. I don’t really know how Jo even noticed it. We, um, we took him to the vet though, and got him an x-ray, and the vet said that he had an old fracture on his left front leg that hadn’t healed properly.” She looks at Lupe, softly, pointedly. “I wonder if he injured that leg in the fight. You know, when you took him in?”

Lupe’s still for a moment, then nods slowly, taking it in. “Yeah, that, or even before that fight,” she says. She rocks back on her heels, finally thinking. “You took him to the vet?” she asks.

Jess nods.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Lupe says. “I could have taken him when I got back.” She snorts. “Hell, I was only gone a couple of hours.” She smiles at Jess, then her eyes widen. “Wait, shit, x-rays are expensive!” she says. “Shit, how much do I owe you?”

And here’s the thing. Here’s where the rationale breaks down. This was a big spending item for a pet that was not hers, about $400 when everything was added up, but also, Jess can’t fully bring herself to care? Tío is a pain in the ass, but Lupe cares about him and Jess feels bad that Lupe felt like Tío wasn’t welcome in her apartment.

And, well, there’s the whole “she’s is in love with her” thing, even if she hasn’t said it.

So Jess just shrugs, inspects her fingernails (bad, they need to be cleaned), and chews her lip for a moment before saying “Oh, you know, a hundred bucks.”

Lupe snorts. “Yeah, sure, McCready.”

“I know, it was weird,” Jess says, fanning her nails out. “The vet said I got a discount for being the coolest person he’d ever seen.” This doesn’t pull a laugh from Lupe and Jess finally looks up.

Lupe is looking at her with an expression Jess hasn’t seen before. She looks… Desperate, Jess realizes. Desperate and a little lost. Jess freezes. “It’s fine,” she says before Lupe can open her mouth. “Seriously, it’s fine, don’t—”

“Jess,” Lupe says, and her voice breaks a little. She clears her throat. “Jess, I can’t ask you to foot my vet bill.”

Jess studies her for a second, then goes back to checking her cuticles, though she’s sure she’s fully broken the illusion by now. “It’s fine,” she says. “Seriously, I can handle part of it.” She looks up. “I want to.” The look Lupe gives her? Devastating. She pushes past it though and says her next part. “The vet says it’s treatable too. They can’t reset the bone or anything, but you can alternate some pain meds and it’ll help with the pain.” She looks back down, unable to look at Lupe and say the next part. “Which,” she starts, “is why I want to pay for this visit, or at least part of it, because I did the math and if you want to treat him it’ll cost you about one-fifty a month.” She bites her lip and looks back up. “So, I want to help you out on this visit because like, I sprang this on you, I just took him, and it’ll cost you more in the long run so just let me get this. You can give me a hundred bucks and like get the pizza the next time or two and we’ll call it square.”

Lupe looks at her for a moment longer, then looks down and says “I…can’t decide if I’m going to kill you or marry you one day.” Heat rises in Jess’ cheeks, but before she can panic Lupe looks up and points. “I’m leaning towards kill right now, so we’re clear. You took my cat somewhere without telling me? You brought him back all fucked up like that and you didn’t even think to text me about it?” Jess looks down, cheeks pinking for an entirely different reason. “But, y’know,” Lupe continues, a little sheepish, “you also took care of him when you noticed he was in pain. Without asking. So like, I’m not entirely mad about it.”

Jess looks up a little, just meeting Lupe’s eyes. They both look at each other for a moment, searching, waiting, until Lupe closes her eyes and laughs. “God, you’re so stupid,” she says, then looks up, grinning. Jess can tell she doesn’t really mean it, but she’d take it if she did. Lupe shakes her head, then gestures towards herself. “Get over here,” she says, and sits back until she’s cross-legged on the ground. Jess finally un-pretzels her legs and, well, essentially crawls over to Lupe, who draws her into a tight hug.

The positioning is awkward, but the feeling behind the hug is genuine as Lupe buries her face in Jess’ shoulder and breathes in deep. They stay like that long enough that Jess feels her body relax and she all but melts into Lupe. She lets go of tension she didn’t know she was holding and feels, finally, at peace.

“Um” she says, releasing something she thought she was over at this point, “thanks for not, like, laughing when I cried earlier.”

And Lupe laughs at that, but it isn’t mean or cruel. She pulls back and cups her hands around Jess’ face. “Aww, babe, have you been worrying about that?” She brushes Jess’ cheeks lightly with her thumbs and Jess feels her face heat up.

“I—” she starts, then looks away. “Maybe.”

Lupe laughs again, softly, and then gently pulls Jess’ lips to hers. “Nothing to worry about. Thank you for taking care of my cat,” she says, and presses a chaste kiss there.

She pulls back and Jess looks into her eyes, then blinks and looks down at her lips. She’s…god she’s at a loss for words. All she can think is how stupidly, irrevocably in love she is and all she can say is…nothing. The words simply don’t come out. So, she pushes past her beating heart and simply leans in for another kiss, capturing Lupe’s lips with own.

It’s different from earlier, less confidence, less raw passion, but the feeling… She can’t tell Lupe how she feels, the strength of her feeling, but she can do this.

She kisses Lupe like she’s running out of air, trying to pour all she can into this moment, to say it without saying it, and she thinks it works, because Lupe, finally, pulls back and watches her, breathing heavily, her lips parted. And then Lupe smiles.

“If you’re trying to fuck me again, McCready, my only request is that we do it on a bed this time.”

And Jess just rolls her eyes and laughs.

-----

The bar is crowded when they arrive and buzzing with voices and laughter. Lupe drops Jess’ hand to open the door for her and Jess takes the opportunity to pull her guitar lengthwise against her body to avoid hitting people with it.

They make their way through the crowded first room, up the ramp, and to the second room with the stage. Jess finds the open mic sign-up table by the wall and joins the line while Lupe goes off to find them a few seats together.

Jess hears a shriek behind her and has just enough time to lean her guitar against the wall before she catches Esti in her arms, moving them just far enough away from the line to swing her around in a circle. “Hey kid!” she says, grinning.

Esti beams at her. “Hello Jess!” she says. She bounces away from her embrace and holds out a small gift bag. “This is from Lupe,” she says, then thinks better of it and takes it back. “Or, I should give to her…” she says, thinking.

Lupe walks up just then and rolls her eyes. “Great job keeping the surprise, kid,” she mutters.

Esti hands the gift bag over and says “Lo siento!” She puts her hands up and grimaces.

Jess reaches over and rubs her shoulder blade. “I’m sure it’s alright,” she tells her, then turns to Lupe. “What is it though? You didn’t have to get me anything.”

Lupe looks nervous, starts to reach into the bag, and then pulls her hand out and hands it to Jess. “You can just open it,” she says. “And I did, kinda, I— Well, you’ll see when you open it.”

Jess takes the bag curiously and reaches inside. She pulls out the tissue paper at the top and peers in and—

Oh.

Inside is a mug. It’s blue, handmade, and the glaze has melted into these little rivulets of lighter and darker blue, almost like little paisleys. The handle is slim, with a little piece on top to rest your thumb, and the form is wider in the middle and then tapered smaller near the base, almost like a vase. It’s beautiful.

She reaches in and picks it up, finding it to be light, but still solid-feeling. She looks at Lupe and sticks her tongue in her cheek to suppress the smile curling onto her face.

“I, I felt bad about breaking your mug the other day,” Lupe says, “or, well, about Tío breaking your mug, so I dragged Esti to a pottery place after we moved the chair.”

“¡Y luego lo olvidó en mi casa!” Esti says gleefully.

Jess looks to Lupe, not having caught every word and Lupe dips her head and says “She says I forgot it at her place, which I did.” She elbows Esti. “Eres muy mala guardando secretos, ¿eh?” She turns to Jess. “Bad at secrets,” she says. Esti rolls her eyes.

Lupe and Esti go off to hold down the table Lupe found and Jess grabs her guitar off the wall and moves up in line. She’d been debating what to play tonight on the way over, refusing to tell Lupe the options she was thinking about. One of the songs, The Indigo Girls’ “Galileo,” was a safe choice, classic, but it wasn’t really what she wanted to play tonight. The person at the head of the line moves on and Jess steps forward, picking up the pen and writing “Jess McCready, guitar,” on the line. She sets the pen down and picks up her guitar, heading back to the table.

Lupe’s hair catches the low light in the bar, accentuating her curls, and for a second, Jess can’t catch her breath. Yes, she’s going with the riskier choice tonight. It might be sappy, but if she can’t say it yet to Lupe, then maybe she can sing it and it would get still her message across.

She sits down in the third chair of their little table and Lupe slides a beer her way. Jess smiles. “Thanks hon,” she says, and squeezes her hand briefly before taking the beer.

The host of the open-mic gets up on stage soon after, panders to the crowd, and then introduces the first act. It’s one of the regulars at this open-mic. He pulls out a ukulele and starts strumming and Jess chuckles. He’s not Jess’ favorite act, but she appreciates his dedication.

Lu’s hand slips into hers during the third ask and Jess takes it appreciatively. She leans in. “I just realized I never thanked you for the mug.”

Lupe blushes. “You don’t have to, I’m replacing something that was broken.”

“Yeah,” Jess says, “but it’s beautiful.” She kisses Lupe’s cheek and Lupe leans into it. “Thank you,” she says.

There’s a quiet whoop from behind them and they glance back see Esti grinning at them. Lupe rolls her eyes and reaches back to bat Esti away, but Jess chuckles, reaching over Lupe to squeeze Esti’s hand.

Finally, a little while later, it’s Jess’ turn to play. The MC calls her up to the stage and vamps while she sets up. She slips the strap of her guitar over her head and plugs it into the amp, giving it an experimental strum. She’d tuned it earlier while waiting for the show to start, so now there’s nothing left to do but put the capo on and start talking.

“This song,” she begins, and has to swallow. “This song,” she tries again, “is one I haven’t played in a while. I was actually going to play some Indigo Girls tonight, but over the past few days, I…” She won’t air her laundry, clean or dirty, on the stage in a bar, won’t give too much away. “…I felt it was time to pull this one back out.” She reaches up, unclips her capo from the end of her guitar, and slides it onto the second fret, then strums it again. “So, here goes,” she says. She finds Lupe’s eyes in the crowd and her lips quirk up. “Sometimes The Indigo Girls won’t cut it and you have to play a little Brandi.”

Lupe chuckles with the rest of the crowd, but Jess sees it die on her lips as she arpeggios the opening chords. She lets the last one linger, takes a deep breath, and starts to sing.

“All of these lines across my face,” she sings, and a mild cheer goes through the audience as they recognize “The Story.” She laughs into her next line and keeps singing.

“Tell you the story of who I am,

So many stories of where I’ve been,

And how I got to where I am.”

She opens her eyes and finds Lupe watching her, a softness come over her features. She almost can’t look at her for the next part, but lets herself fall into the music, holding her gaze.

“Oh, but these stories don’t mean anything

If you’ve got no one to tell them to,

It’s true…”

Jess finds she does have to close her eyes to get the last part out, but she thinks it’s alright. She thinks Lupe will still get the message even if she can’t look at her.

“…I was made for you.”

She’s able to get through the rest of the song with no problems. She kicks it up a notch on the second verse to the cheers of the crowd, looking at Lupe for “You made me feel like a million bucks.” Lupe laughs and Esti leans forward, shaking her shoulder. Jess has to look away from the ensuing argument to keep from laughing and keeps playing.

She finishes the song, taking the energy back down, and finds that, once again, she can’t look Lupe in the eyes as she sings the last line, so she closes her eyes and lifts her head, crooning out the last “Well it’s true that I was made for you!”

The bar erupts in applause as the last notes drift through the air, but Jess only has eyes for Lupe as she opens her eyes. It’s dark, the bar dims the house lights during the show, but Jess could swear that Lupe’s cheeks are red. The feeling swells up within her and she makes herself look anywhere else as she smiles and begins unplugging her guitar.

“Thank you, thank you,” she says and slips the strap from over her head, holding it by the neck as she maneuvers her way off stage and back to her seat.

When she gets back to the table, Lupe is just looking at her, a smile on her face.

Esti leans over the table and shakes Jess’ arm. “So good!” she whisper-shouts. “You made this one,” she pulls her hands back and mimes crying, using her fingers to show tears running down her face.

Lupe gives her a look. “I did not cry!” she says. She turns to Jess. “I didn’t.”

Jess laughs. “I know, I was watching you guys,” she says.

Lupe nods, her cheeks coloring a little more. “Good, good, yeah,” she says. “Wouldn’t want my reputation to be ruined by a half-pint ball player who can’t move her own chair into her apartment.” She turns to Esti and translates into Spanish. Esti scoffs and sits back, crossing her arms. Lupe laughs, leaning her head on the back of her chair, then turns back to Jess. “You did really good up there though,” she says softly, and pulls her in by her shirt collar for a kiss.

Jess smiles into it. “Thanks,” she says when they pull back, bringing a hand up to briefly cup Lupe’s face. Then, she pulls away and points to her guitar, kneeling down and opening her case. She puts the guitar away, laying it gently back to rest, and closes her case with a snap. She smiles at Lupe as she gets back up, raising her eyebrows and slipping into her seat just as the next act begins. She hears Lupe chuckle next to her, feels her place a hand on her thigh.

And as her hand settles into place, Jess thinks about how true those words at the end of “The Story” are. It’s early, she doesn’t want to jinx anything, but she has honestly never felt so comfortable, so seen, with anyone before now. It scares her a little, but there’s also this certainty to it, this feeling of rightness. She takes her hand. Yeah, she figures, if she’s made for anyone in this world, it might as well be Lupe.

She squeezes her hand and Lupe squeezes back.

#aloto #a league of their own #jess mccready #lupe garcia #jesslupe #jelupe #apparently lol #esti gonzalez #jo deluca #my fanfiction #god this was supposed to be less than 2000 words and instead it's 9000 #*obligatory 'it's over 9000'*

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

turns out the income level where you get taxed 20% instead of 15% is not that high

#also 2000 a month for insurance on the individual marketplace #taxes are good but. bro. i do not make the much. i am so much closer to being homeless than i am ever owning a home or even renting a nice #apartment #like. im so glad not to be making 20k a year anymore because that sucked so bad but. half of the my increased income is going straight #to taxes. like. whatever i guess its fine like. as long as i pick another cheap slumlord apartment this year i should be able to keep #putting money into my emergency savings instead of living 100% paycheck to paycheck. and have a small cushion of not being immediately #homeless in an emergency. amen. god bless this beautiful united states. #anyway workplace health insurance is significantly less than 2k a month thank god because i literally dont have that money lol

[made-nondescript]

GOAL: at LEAST 500 words of tubassador au first chapter. if i post that its my goal i have to do it that’s how this works.

#i have no idea how long chapters are supposed to be so we will just feel it out #2000 ish feels right. but who knows! im going to get the fanfic equivalent of hermitcraft fan hubris i think #less important but i want to write it down: #my goals for this fic are not for it to be good i just wanna have fun with it #which is not to say that i won't put any thought in #but i just want to do my best and have fun #i've never written a fic longer than 3k in my entire life #(excluding a self insert fic written age 12 which cant count bc 12 year olds are built different) #so the goal is humbly for it to exist and to have fun with it #if it's readable that's a bonus lol #i'm a bit of a perfectionist so if i set out to have everyone in character and have good pacing and an elaborate plot #i will simply shut down because i straight up don't have the practice for that #but oh boy is this gonna give the a good excuse to watch a lot of hermitcraft and old lore streams #im so excited. ive already had so much fun watching false #haven't watched much of her before so it's fun to mix it up #tag rant over lets go boys

[falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand]

ahahah this damn fic is nearly done

#it's gonna be <2000 words but it's fine it's cool #i mean #i've read a few books lately that seemed like they were trying to make a lot of yarn with not a lot of wool and it wasn't a great affect so #(trying to reassure myself lol) #and honestly i'd prefer to go at my ideas with a scalpel rather than a tennis racket even if it means Less Fic overall #wait that felt like it could be read as a dig at long fic writers and it is Not i'm scared of y'all you're so cool- BUT #it's not how i can write and i am accepting that #kiwifae says shit #bUT DIGRESSING #Letters to No-One is coming soon!🎉 and that is a threat!!!!!!

[pagesfromthevoid]

australian here;

what is jr sr high? i understand middle school and stuff which we don't have here, but i'm not sure what jr sr high is

(also good luck with the school move! i'm sure your current kiddos will miss you but your new kiddos will definitely have a great time with you as a teacher!)

Junior Senior Highs are middle schools and high schools in one school! So all the kids are in one place, basically.

My current school is a junior high so there’s only two grades. At a junior senior high, there’s 6 grades!

And my current kids cried on Tuesday and I also cried 🥲🥲

#cress talks too much #my current school has less than 400 kids and my new school has nearly 2000 lol

[oh-look-car-horns]

Wondering what boop count your 3 letter word corresponds to? I gotchu:

Using a python script I wrote, I booped myself 50,000 times, saving an image of my boop-o-meter every 500 boops. Before we get into the results, there are two important limitations to this study that I should mention:

Firstly, because I only recorded the boop-o-meter every 500 boops, if a message appeared for less than 500 boops it may not have been caught.

Secondly, every now and then my computer would lose a boop or two when a click wouldn't register. This is seen in the 500 and 1000 boop images below, which in reality read 498 and 994 respectively. Because of this, boop values are slightly lower than they appear.

With that out of the way, lets dig in.

0-999:

From boops 0-999, the boop-o-meter displays your boop count, and changes color as you boop

Boop count: 0 Boop count: 500 Boop count: 1000

Boop fact: the colors do not change after 1000

LOL:

Between boops 1000 and 1500, the boop-o-meter changed to display 'LOL'. This likely took place at 1000 boops, but maybe it said 'MAX' or sumn for awhile at first? Idk this is already the misinformation website so not my problem.

Boop count: 1500 (actually more like 1490 ish)

More results below the cut

OMG:

Between 1500 and 2000, the boop-o-meter changed to display 'OMG'. Again, this probably happened at 1500 but who knows. Maybe staff made it 1523 for the bit or something.

Boop count: ~2000

WOW:

The boop-o-meter remained at omg until the 3500 boop readpoint, when it switched to 'WOW', meaning this transition happens somewhere between ~2980 and ~3480.

Boop count: ~3500

Boop fact: 'WOW' is the second longest reigning message

*-*:

Between 5000 and 5500 the boop-o-meter switched to '*-*'. You get the idea at this point so I'll speed it up.

Boop count: ~5500

WHY:

The boop-o-meter changed to 'WHY' between 6000 and 6500 boops. For science. That's why.

Boop count: ~6500

PLZ:

Next was 'PLZ', switching between 7000 and 7500.

Boop count: ~7500

AAA:

I'm not sure what bloody urine has to do with anything, but for some reason staff felt is was important to display, switching between 7500 and 8000.

Boop count: ~8000

;_;:

Huh the colon makes that one look weird. 8000-8500.

Boop count: ~8500

Boop fact: That fucking cat haunts me in my dreams

0_0:

I realized after I set my pyautogui script running that my computer wouldn't turn off its screen because of the clicking, so there was a strobing blue light in my room all night. This encapsulated my expression while trying to sleep (8500-9000).

Boop count: ~9000

MAX:

After 9000 it displayed 'MAX'. This was cap. (9000-9500 switch).

Boop count: OVER 9000 (9500)

<33:

I miss my wife. 9500-10,000.

Boop count ~10,000

TUM BLR:

THE HOLY GRAIL. The boop-o-meter switched to displaying 'TUM BLR' between 10,000 and 10,500 boops. Because my actual boop count was slightly behind my theoretical, I'd guess that this change happened at 10,000 boops.

Boop count: ~10,500 (likely switched at 10,000)

Summary:

When charted the boop curve looks as follows:

Boop curve: 0 - 10,000 boops

My script continued to run until 53,000 boops, but no further changes were observed. Again, there were quite possibly more messages at lower boop values, but my ass is not checking. Maybe I should have scaled my sampling accordingly, but it is what it is. Thank you for joining me on this journey, and if you have any corrections or more information, please add it to this post.

Boop fact: Terfs DNI

#boop #boop o meter #april fools #april fool's day #april fools day #python

[ddddd-pixels]

For International Asexuality Day, I'm hitting you all with the Ace Beam. ☺️

(This took a lot more effort than I thought it would, lol...)

Edit: 800 notes?! In less than five hours?! Thank you all so much!!

Edit 2: 2000... The most I got on any post before was just over a hundred, lol. You are all so nice!

#pixel art #sprite art #fighting games #neo geo pocket #street fighter #ryu street fighter #hadouken #asexual #asexuality #international asexuality day #i dub this move: museiai hadouken #i know i've not discussed myself on this blog much #but i am asexual! #i'm not really “out” but more in the sense that i don't really need to be #my family's pretty cool about all that stuff lol #and yes i personally headcanon ryu as ace #just hits the vibes ig

[utvarpcity]

just saw a neat little trio of sweden’s best bands live

#my phone died during the very last song lol but now i’m on the train and charging it again #it’s the sounds + mando diao + the hives btw and they were all really big in the 2000s which is when i started listening to them #so it was a very nostalgic experience even tho they all played a lot of new songs too #i’m so happy theyre all touring together bc they are really the top three bands from here imo (that are still active anyway) #sounds are from my neck of the woods and make indie rock/neo punk/new wave ish music and have such a fun and charismatic frontwoman #md have a very old school rock sound w influences from 60s garage and rnb. theyre super OG for me bc i heard their music when i was like 9 #(ode to ochrasy album) and was like wow. this is music. this is the music i like #theyve dabbled in other styles since then and keep being p high quality but their og sound has a special place in my heart #hives def have the biggest cult following and are the oldest of the three i believe #they have a very high energy garage/punk sound and are more of a concept band than the other two w lore and stage names and all #all were great live (didn’t expect less) but the hives were obv the headliners and put on the biggest show #i always arrive early to concerts to queue so that i don’t have to stand super far away but i arrived there only an hour before #the gates were supposed to open (which was at five - then the show started at 6:30) and there was no one there??? #i thought i couldn’t find the entrance so i walked around the whole area LOL but then i asked someone and turns out i was right at first #and there were only like 5 people there so when i entered i got right on up there yknow lol #at the railing at the front… wtf. was very surprised by this #and tbh it’s not something i want bc i’m afraid theyll ask me to sing during the audience interaction bits lmao #so i placed myself right behind a little lady so i had an excellent view of the stage #all of them def saw me. i take photos and film a little every now and then bc i’m obsessed with creating tangible memories which felt a bit #awkward i guess. but it was so cool to stand so close… howlin pelle of the hives grabbed my hand and also stood on the railing right in #front of me twice. but i was so taken aback i didnt take any pics of that lol #and i got lots of smiles from both maja of the sounds and björn of mando diao :) #actually björn noticed my retro sunglasses wearing ass dancing my heart out when they came out and smiled and nodded at me :) #there were a lots of people just standing there not committing so i at least tried to give some energy back #anyway i was exhausted this morning but now after standing and dancing for 7+ hours i still feel energetic

[seilon]

wow ok that’s the quickest I’ve ever had my application thrown out. super cool

#I didn’t even get the chance to go in in person first cause the plan was to do that tomorrow #like shit dude what the hell do you want from me #I spent hours reworking my resume and writing a cover letter #and they tossed this app out in. less than a day #for real though I genuinely have no fucking idea why #my work history and credentials are pretty good for these low ass entry level positions??? and my schedule is literally just. Whenever #I’m wondering if it’s an automatic system and it got thrown out this time becuase thr resume reader program or whatever couldn’t read my #resume since it’s not formatted in a standard way #anyway I’m still going to go in tomorrow but. gee that sure is infuriating and discouraging lol #I applied to another hotel as well and I’m hoping maybe that one doesn’t kick my ass like Hyatt has 2000 times now #I will Also go in to that place tomorrow but uhhhhh yeah #it’s been over half a year and I have not had a single job application accepted at any place #and it makes me want to split my fucking skull open because I don’t know what I’m doing wrong #kibumblabs #‘after careful review and consideration’ bitch how did you carefully review an application you literally just fucking got

[muttever]

i never post on twitter and the one time i do i ratio a bigot, where do i apply for my merit badge

#my 5 followers vs their 2000+ lol cringe #send their ass a demerit badge saying ''got ratio'd by a loser furry with less than 10 followers''

[larrydoinglaundry]

.

#i was less than 2000 for queue in ticketmaster and still only saw platinum tickets when it was my turn #lol

[les4elliewilliams]

Ellie is away... // e.w

chapter 3 - 2004, Sophomore year college

a/n: part 3 (ik finally) took me forever for no reason at all, i didn't even think anyone was gonna see part one but anyways!!! (reblogs and comments are always appreciated:))) wc/cw: 1.4k. jesse being bullied;( , swearing, loser!ellie i guess?, no smut or anything but MDNI. summary: set in the early 2000s. everyone was obsessed with AIM messaging and when you left your hometown for college, leaving your friends behind, it was what you guys used to stay in touch. Ellie's one of your best friends, and when you left for college, she started dating Cat, the girl she had always claimed to dislike. It wasn't just the fact that she hadn't told you about it; you didn't like Cat. It wasn't a secret, and neither did Dina or Jesse. Deep down, you knew that she was just afraid of your reaction. Their relationship was far from perfect, and when you told her that she should've just broken up with her, it didn't go too well. However, her grudge obviously didn't last long, you were her best friend, after all, and she couldn't go without talking to you for too long, so she ended up apologizing for being a dick.

➥ part one, two, four

brickmaster signed in.

brickmaster: ohhh hey yn

ynshere: Ellssss hiiii

brickmaster: what's upp brickmaster: how's everything for you

ynshere: nothing much i was playing the sims lol ynshere: everything's fine. what about you?

brickmaster: it’s alright, just chilling in my dorm at the moment brickmaster: got any plans for the weekend?

ynshere: just hanging out with my friend Emma

brickmaster: sounds fun brickmaster: who’s Emma? ynshere: just a friend brickmaster: i don’t think you ever mentioned her before brickmaster: how did you two meet?

ynshere: just at some party, she spilled her drink all over my clothes lol

brickmaster: oh no your poor skirt and crop top

ynshere: oh stfu ynshere: what's with the way i dress now? ynshere: not pretty enough for you, Williams?

brickmaster: never said that ;) brickmaster: so? what is she like? brickmaster: is she cooler than me?

ynshere: aw c'mon you already know the answer to that

brickmaster: oh i know i know brickmaster: no one's as cool as me

ynshere: no, actually she is cooler than you

brickmaster: pffffttt as if brickmaster: i'm still hotter though

ynshere: is that what your gf tells you to make you feel less shitty about your looks?

brickmaster: ouch that hurt brickmaster: no more Cat by the way

ynshere: oh? ynshere: i'm sorry, i didn't know

brickmaster: well no dip, i just told you

ynshere: shut up, you know what i meant smartass ynshere: what happened? (If you don't mind me asking)

brickmaster: she was too much brickmaster: she was too controlling brickmaster: always telling me what to do, who to hang out with or who not to talk to

ynshere: mhm

brickmaster: don't. say. it.

ynshere: i told youu ynshere: yn’s always right ynshere: say it.

brickmaster: i'm so not gonna say it

ynshere: you make me wanna strangle you sometimes ynshere: but good, you deserved better anyways ynshere: i mean, i'm sorry but she was horrible to you

brickmaster: i know brickmaster: took me ages to realize it

ynshere: better later than never

brickmaster: you always say that brickmaster: you never change do you

ynshere: nop ynshere: i evolve if anything

brickmaster: i missed you

ynshere: me too El, so much.

brickmaster: i wish we could hang out like good ol' times

ynshere: ew now you are starting to sound like Joel

brickmaster: oh fuck off brickmaster: i'm being sweet for once and you're ewing me like that?...never again

ynshere: lol i'm just kidding dumbass ynshere: i wish we could hang out like we used to back in high school ynshere: i miss seeing your stupid face everyday

brickmaster: stupid? I think you meant pretty* brickmaster: or gorgeous* brickmaster: yeah that's more appropriate

ynshere: ..i'm going to log out

brickmaster: noooo stay please :( brickmaster: what would i do without you

ynshere: you're such a failure ynshere: Joel should've worn a condom that night

brickmaster: jokes on you... he did but there was a hole in it

ynshere:……

brickmaster: my mum told me that...i don't know what to believe

ynshere: Ellie.

brickmaster: what

ynshere: you're a lost cause.

brickmaster: gonna make me blush

ynshere: i don't think i've ever seen you blush before like actually

brickmaster: cause i don't blush brickmaster: i make ladies blush, never the other way around

ynshere: damn such an alpha ynshere: your parents must be so proud of you

brickmaster: nah they hate me

ynshere: yeah, i wonder why…

brickmaster: you know brickmaster: ever since Cat and i broke up things have been weird

ynshere: how so?

brickmaster: well we have the same group of friends so it's just awkward, you know? brickmaster: i feel really alone sometimes and i miss you really bad brickmaster: i miss having you around, being in the same classes and all that

ynshere: i know we can't see each other but i'm here for you ynshere: always. ynshere: you can call me or message me anytime i really don't mind, i love talking to you

brickmaster: thank you yn, it really means a lot to me brickmaster: it's just… i feel abandoned brickmaster: she made me look like the bad guy for breaking up with her, it feels like they don't want me around

ynshere: have you tried telling them about the whole thing?

brickmaster: yeah brickmaster: but they're all up Cat’s ass and it's annoying brickmaster: i feel betrayed in some sort of way

ynshere: i'm sorry Ellie ynshere: they sound like shitty friends ynshere: maybe it's time to get new friends?

brickmaster: i know they suck but they were the only friends i had

ynshere: i'm sure you'll make new friends ynshere: you'll meet better people ynshere: hang out, go to parties don't stay in your dorm all day

brickmaster: you're right brickmaster: but like what did i do wrong? brickmaster: it's clear that they’d rather be friends with Cat brickmaster: fuck i feel like crying right now

ynshere: baby :( ynshere: hey listen to me, you did nothing wrong. you are amazing

brickmaster: i'm sorry for dropping all this on you brickmaster: i understand it can be too much

ynshere: don't you dare apologize for feeling upset, Williams. ynshere: it's okay, really ynshere: i'm here for you. It's not too much, you're never too much.

brickmaster: you're the only one i can talk to freely without feeling judged brickmaster: well you and Dina of course, but i don't wanna annoy her with my shit

ynshere: oh Ellie ynshere: i know for a fact that Dina cares about you as much as i do ynshere: you're never a burden to us, understand? ynshere: glad you vented to me

brickmaster: thank you so much yn brickmaster: you have no idea how much this means to me brickmaster: can i tell you something

ynshere: of course

brickmaster: you know that party at Jesse’s? brickmaster: the one from two years ago

ynshere: yeah what about it?

brickmaster: i always wondered if things went differently brickmaster: like if me and Cat never happened brickmaster: i remember i had the whole night planned, i wanted to spend time with you alone

ynshere: you never told me that

brickmaster: well you left earlier than expected that night sooo

ynshere: you're making me regret getting drunk that night ynshere: i was so sick, i remember drinking too much

brickmaster: yeah lol you were fucking wasted brickmaster: i have an idea

ynshere: shoot ynshere: and it better not include putting a dinosaur toy in your microwave

brickmaster: lmao no i'm over that phase brickmaster: what if i came visit this weekend? brickmaster: i really miss you and i need a break from this fucking school anyways brickmaster: besides, we promised we would visit each other right?

ynshere: oh my god please do ynshere: i would LOVE to see your ugly ass face again

brickmaster: you miss this ugly face though ;)

ynshere: maybe

brickmaster: fuck i can't wait brickmaster: ooh shit what about your friend Emma?

ynshere: it's whatever i’ll tell her you're visiting, she’ll understand

brickmaster: you sure? brickmaster: you don't have to ditch her for me

ynshere: Ellie. be for fucking real. ynshere: i would ditch anyone for you

brickmaster: alright alright just making sure brickmaster: so what do you wanna do this weekend?

ynshere: don't know, just hang out in my dorm?

brickmaster: sounds good to me brickmaster: anything sounds better than rotting in my dorm all day brickmaster: wanna get drunk too? I could bring some alcohol if you want

ynshere: sure why not? ynshere: if we gotta catch up

brickmaster: we must do it the right way brickmaster: i like the way you think

ynshere: lol see you this weekend?

brickmaster: see you this weekend :)

ynshere: bye bye :))

brickmaster is away.

jessescool has signed in jessescool: yoo yn jessescool: how is it goin? ynshere: JESSE OH MY FUCKING GOD ynshere: MY MANNNNNNN jessescool: lol you feeling alright?

ynshere: Ellie's coming over this weekend :) jessescool: yn using a smiley face. odd

ynshere: shut up. ynshere: SHE'S COMING TO VISIT ynshere: IM SCREAMING

jessescool: about damn time you two got together

ynshere: we're not together ynshere: she's just coming to visit ynshere: we haven't seen each other in like forever

jessescool: will be soon jessescool: is she still dating Cat?

ynshere: she just told me she broke up ynshere: Cat was horrible to her

jessescool: i remember talking to Cat a few times back in high school jessescool: she was odd ynshere: you know what else is odd?

jessescool: what ynshere: your mom dropping you on your head as a baby

jessescool is typing... ynshere is away. jessescool: i'm tired of y'all

¡! daily click・palestine masterpost・do not buy any game from naughty dog, neil druckmann is a zionist・more daily clicks. ¡!

taglist: @readbydayana @onlinelesbo @tearouthearts @macaroni676 @diddiqueen @crxmxnzl-c0rpzes @amberputh @itsbecomeblue @benthoee

#ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie the last of us #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #tlou2 #the last of us 2 #naughty dog #wlw #wlw love #sapphic #lesbianism #lesbian #wlw post #sapphic love #angst #ellie x y/n #ellie x you #loser!ellie #tlou x reader #tlou x y/n #tlou x you #tlou ellie #the last of us #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x y/n #tlou jesse #jesse tlou