#like I said for some people who’ve experienced abuse from a loved one or close person

[tenshindon]

Can’t explain it but the fact tien screams at tao to destroy his super dodon ray during their fight is very good for my soul

#snap chats #I touched on it a bit in my last posts tags buuut #like I said for some people who’ve experienced abuse from a loved one or close person #you never fully feel anger or hatred- like sure you might like not every person is the same #people react differently to situations and whatnot #nevertheless in Tien’s case you can tell he really can’t bring himself to fully hate tao or shen or even be angry with them #which is why his yell almost feels cathartic? #like I don’t think tien could ever properly articulate his relationships with shen and tao #let alone go in depth the emotional maze he’s trapped in trying to process his time growing up under them #so for him to just be able to vent out that frustration and pain- even if it was just to destroy a ray #I don’t know- it’s like. even if tien wouldn’t acknowledge it that’s probably what he really needed you know #and therapy. tien please get therapy 😭 #please get therapy so I can stop projecting 😭 #like Tien’s yelled at beams before LMAO but like. this one just felt more powerful #and it’s clear that tao had no chance of beating tien from the start #so it honestly does feel like this is Tien’s way of like. /trying/ to convey his hurt to tao even if he can’t articulate it #even if tao would never understand or get it or even care #like sometimes like. you’re arguing or someone’s yelling at you and you just kind of yell back #not because you’re angry but because you just want them to understand how you feel #I dunno <3 just me looking too deep into things again 🤧

[padawanlost]

So I was on Quora the other day, and someone speculated that insecurity was at the root of Anakin's arrogance and apparent cockiness. I thought this through and it makes so much sense. He felt insecure in his place as a Jedi and had this constant need to prove himself. What's your take?

Personally, I’ve never seen Anakin as arrogant. I think he was *perceived* as arrogant by the people around him but, internally, Anakin was also driven by insecurity (not egotism).

Because he was so insecure in a place where he knew he wasn’t accepted as he was, he overcompensated. It’s a very common behavior: I’ll try harder to prove myself. And because he was so powerful, his attempt to prove himself worthy was viewed as an attempt to show off.

The Jedi Council didn’t want me, either. Being the Chosen One didn’t count for anything. Master Yoda wouldn’t train me, or Windu. Every member of the Jedi Council had had something more pressing to do than help him work out what this terrible, galaxy-changing power of his meant, and how he should live in its shadow. He still wasn’t sure. Anakin recalled standing there in that grand, polished Jedi Council Chamber, surrounded by what felt like fear, and disdain, and bewilderment—who were those Masters to feel bewildered, that the only person there who cared if he lived or died was Master Qui-Gon Jinn. And they stopped him training the Chosen One. Qui-Gon hadn’t cared what the Jedi Council said. He’d trained him anyway, a Padawan in all but name. Why am I thinking of all this now? Haven’t I put it behind me? Haven’t I had enough bad memories since then to take their place? Haven’t I vindicated Master Qui-Gon? [Karen Traviss. The Clone Wars]

Anakin enjoyed praise from Obi-Wan, but often became sullen when he was reprimanded. Obi-Wan assured him that he himself had been frequently reminded by Qui-Gon to be more mindful of the Force, but somehow even the slightest criticism managed to leave Anakin feeling stung. First they tell me to do my best, then they tell me I’ve gone too far! ANAKIN SKYWALKER IN THE RISE AND FALL OF DARTH VADER BY RYDER WINDHAM

Because Anakin had not been trained since infancy at the Temple like nearly all other Padawans, various Jedi Masters accepted the fact that he lacked the discipline of his fellow students. They were less accepting, however, of his arrogant behavior when he demonstrated his abilities. I’m more powerful with the Force than some of my instructors, Anakin thought, and they know it! ANAKIN SKYWALKER IN THE RISE AND FALL OF DARTH VADER BY RYDER WINDHAM

Despite Anakin’s desire to distance himself from the slave he had once been, he was unable, or unwilling, to shed the other aspects that had defined him on Tatooine. He still dreamed of glory, still craved adventure, and never lost his appetite for high-speed thrills and the desire to prove himself in competition. THE RISE AND FALL OF DARTH VADER BY RYDER WINDHAM

What evidence to we truly have that Anakin was arrogance beyond people calling him that? And considering most of his peers and superiors didn’t take much time to get to truly know him, I’d say their option can be considered biased:

Anakin was liked by the other students, but he had no close friends. He was not loved. Obi-Wan told himself that Anakin’s gifts naturally set him apart. But in his heart, he grieved for Anakin’s loneliness. JUDE WATSON [JEDI QUEST: THE WAY OF THE APPRENTICE]

Just when Anakin thought he’d passed that elusive finishing line that said adult, experienced, seen it all, he realized he was still twenty, Jedi or not, and the wounded boy in him still rose to the surface—provoked into angry violence, scared of abandonment, and still in need of approval. KAREN TRAVISS [STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS NOVELIZATION]

[Obi-Wan] knew, glancing at his Padawan’s eager face, that Anakin meant well from the bottom of his heart. If Obi-Wan saw a shadow on that heart, he knew it would pain his Padawan to know it. In many ways, Anakin was still a boy. A wounded, loving, anxious boy with great gifts he did not fully understand. Yet he was also a young man, close to maturity, who could do great harm. To others, yes. To himself, most of all JUDE WATSON [JEDI QUEST: THE SCHOOL OF FEAR]

“I just…” Anakin stopped. He took a ragged breath. “I thought you would be proud of me.” I am proud of you. Obi-Wan wanted to say the words. They were true. He was proud of so much in Anakin. But now was not the time to tell him that. Or was it? JUDE WATSON [JEDI QUEST: THE SCHOOL OF FEAR]

Fixing broken machines was like a meditation. Fixing broken machines was an antidote to every pain, every loss, every fear, every defeat. Fixing broken machines kept him from going mad. CLONE WARS GAMBIT: STEALTH

This doesn’t sound like some who thinks that highly of himself.

 “Master…,” he said hesitantly, “I know I’ve… disappointed you in these past few days. I have been arrogant. I have… not been very appreciative of your training, and what’s worse, of your friendship. I offer no excuse, Master. My frustration with the Council… I know that none of it is your fault, and I apologize. For all of it. Your friendship means everything to me.”

Interestingly enough, Obi-wan says it best:

You are very observant, Ferus, but you must accept that I know him better than you,” Obi-Wan said carefully. “Anakin can be arrogant. I know that. But he is also learning and growing. He is respectful of his great power. He does not abuse it. He is younger than you, but he has seen much injustice, many terrible things. I do not think it so wrong that he wants to change things. You must understand that it isn’t ambition that drives him. It is compassion. OBI-WAN KENOBI IN STAR WARS – JEDI QUEST: THE CHANGING OF THE GUARD BY JUDE WATSON

Yes. Anakin can act arrogantly. We all can. It’s part of being human and flawed. but that doesn’t mean that was ALL Anakin was. More often than not, Anakin was motivated by fear, love, kindess and, yes, even hate.

Taking them, she looked up at him and shook her head, even though it still ached. “It’s odd. You’re nothing like I expected.” “Why?” he said, perching on the edge of the nearby chair. “What did you expect?” “I don’t know,” she said, floundering. “I can’t say I’ve ever given the Jedi much thought. I mean, not as individuals. I never expected to meet one—let alone two. I don’t tend to go places where your skills are needed. But—well—you’re gentle.” That made him smile. “As opposed to what?” She swallowed the pain-tabs, washing them down with a mouthful of water. “Oh. You know. The HoloNet news—it portrays as you as this—this—heroic warrior. Larger than life. Charging into battle, lightsaber flashing. Scourge of the Separatists. That kind of thing.” She shrugged. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Because of Hayden’s Anakin being do disliked and, of course, because of the TCW wonky characterization everyday we are seeing more and more people embracing the idea of arrogant idiot Anakin. even if such characterization is not supported by the movies, the lore and basic common sense.

People use Obi-wan’s words in AOTC against Anakin but the truth is, as shown above, Obi-wan himself later recognizes that Anakin is not arrogant (even if he sometimes act that away). Besides, using AOTC to show Anakin’s arrogance doesn’t make much sense because of Hayden’s acting. Anakin doesn’t act like some arrogant prick for most of the movie. if anything, AOTC is a great of example of Anakin’s submissive and insecure behavior.

At last, let’s not forget that the same people calling Anakin arrogant were also facing the same criticism:

“But he still has much to learn, Master,” Obi-Wan explained. “His skills have made him … well, arrogant.” “Yes, yes,” Yoda agreed. “It’s a flaw more and more common among Jedi. Too sure of themselves, they are. Even the older, more experienced Jedi.” [R.A. Salvatore. Attack of the Clones]

People seem to forget that Anakin was in his early 20s when he ‘died’. Show me a teenager or a young adult who’ve never acted arrogantly and i’ll show you a liar. So why is Anakin the only one getting shit for that?

So, yeah, i agree. Anakin wasn’t motivated by arrogance. He was motivated by fear and insecurity, byproducts of his childhood trauma and years of grooming and emotional neglect.

#ask #englishlady #anakin skywalker #sw meta #meta: anakin #txt

[nineteenninety-six]

Escapism pt 4

This is the last piece!! :(( It was v fun to write and I loved how much love this got. Also, this was meant to be finished hours ago so lol

TAG LIST: @shadow-of-wonder @futuristicslimemongerbanana @dayna041101 @captivatedbycillianmurphy @kingarthurscat @newsieunion @stydia-4-ever @1950schick @writeroutoftime @ozzynka​

WORD COUNT: 2405

[PART ONE] [PART TWO] [PART THREE]

TW: Abuse

(Y/N) and Tommy kept up the affair months and months, getting together at any large party or (Y/N) using Ada as an excuse to go over to Tommy’s London apartment. (Y/N) was having the time of her life, this was the first time in her life where she felt alive and free and she was going to make the most of it before the inevitable happens and she’ll have to stop but she and Tommy had gotten reckless. They had stopped being sneaky in the way they had their meetups and anyone who looked even a little bit closer than usual would be able to see that something was up.

(Y/N) felt as if she was living a double life, wherein one where she felt like any mistake would possibly get her killed and in the other, she was living the life she had always dreamed of. But she was still living in fear, (Y/N) was petrified of Stewart and she refused to let Tommy help her. 

She was currently having dinner with Stewart and like every other meal they had together, it was silent. Stewart had been acting odd for the past week, more broody and testy but (Y/N) brushed the change off, deciding not to pay much attention to it and just attribute it to Stewart being stressed by work. (Y/N) didn’t realise how wrong she was. 

She hadn’t seen Tommy in a few weeks after they decided to cut back on visits and interactions so that they didn’t arouse suspicion but she didn’t realise the damage had been done already and that at that point in time, it was too late.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Ada recently,” Stewart spoke up in the middle of dinner, surprising (Y/N).

“...Yes. We’ve gotten close, I consider her a good friend.”

“What about her brother?” Stewart was forcefully stabbing the pieces of meat on his plate and into his mouth. 

“Mr Shelby?” (Y/N) felt her mouth go dry, “I haven’t seen him since the last charity dinner we went to. Why do you ask?”

“I’ve been hearing rumours.” Stewart put down his cutlery and started straight at (Y/N)

Stewart’s stare was piercing and (Y/N) felt goosebumps appear on her arms. (Y/N) swallowed harshly as he stared at her, a look in his eye causing a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. 

“What rumours Stewart?” (Y/N) placed her own cutlery down and tried to stare back at him but found his stare too penetrating.

“About you and Thomas Shelby. Apparently, some people have seen the two of you together. Intimately.” 

“Intimately?” (Y/N) scoffed, “That’s ridiculous, Stewart. Surely you don’t believe that?”

Stewart pushed his chair back and stood up and slowly stalked towards where (Y/N) was sitting on the other side of the table,

“You see, I didn’t, not at first anyway because I know you’re smarter than that but one of the maids revealed something to me recently.”

(Y/N) stood out of her own chair and took a few steps back as Stewart kept on stalking towards her.

“They told me that they haven’t noticed any blood on your sheets or clothing for the past few months and I know what that means but the funny thing is, is that we’ve never had sex.”

(Y/N) felt the stomach drop at Stewart’s words, she had been so caught up in everything that had been happening that she hadn’t noticed she hadn’t bleed in the last few months. She was pregnant and it was Tommy’s. 

“I..I..” (Y/N) stumbled over her words.

“Cat caught your tongue?” Stewart sarcastically asked as he backed her up to the wall behind her,  “Who is the man that fell for your whorish tricks? Was it Thomas Shelby?”

(Y/N) kept on stuttering as she tried to answer him, to try and lie about what was happening. 

Stewart wrapped his hand around her throat and gently squeezed as a warning, “The number of people who’ve come up to me and told me that they’ve spotted you with Thomas Shelby...is embarrassing. You’ve embarrassed me.”

Feeling a bolt of boldness run through her, (Y/N) pushed Stewart’s hand away from her throat and defended herself, “And you’ve cheated on me hundreds of times Stewart, you have even done it right in front of my face. How’s that any different?”

Stewart growled and pressed himself closer to her and put his hand back around her throat, “You’re my wife. You do what I say and you don’t fucking embarrass me.”

He increased the pressure around her neck, squeezing to the point where (Y/N) struggled to breathe. It was only when (Y/N) grabbed at his hand in an attempt to push him off did he remove his hand and step away. (Y/N) gasped as she dropped to the floor, coughing as she landed on her knees.

“I won’t have a whore like you tarnish my reputation.” Stewart growled at her, “You’re gonna get rid of the bastard and I’ll deal with Thomas Shelby. He won’t be a problem for us anymore and we can act as if nothing happened.

(Y/N) placed her hands over her belly as if to protect the child, she wasn’t even sure she was pregnant but something in her made her do it.

“Deal with him?” (Y/N) questioned, “What do you mean?”

“Never you mind.” Stewart sniffed as he adjusted the sleeves on his shirt, “Just worry about getting rid of the bastard in you.”

“I’m not getting rid of them.” (Y/N) said, still on her knees. 

“It wasn’t a suggestion (Y/N). Do it.” 

“And if I don’t?”

Stewart harshly sighed before he whipped around and slapped her, he then grabbed the collar of her dress pulling her close to him. 

“Do it.” Stewart threw her one last glare before leaving the dining room.

(Y/N) flinched as the front door slammed shut, she was shaken and unnerved. She shakily pushed herself onto her feet and left the dining room and headed to her room, this was her opportunity to escape and she wasn’t going to let it waste. After packing the few valuables she had along with a few clothes, she quickly left the house with her bag and whatever money she managed she acquire since she married Stewart.

After walking for about ten minutes and making sure she was far away enough from the house, she hailed a cab and made her way to Tommy’s London flat. 

Tommy was surprised when he opened his door and found her outside but after a proper look at her face, he understood why she was there and opened the door wider and motioned her in. He leads her into his living room before disappearing into his kitchen without saying a word, he comes out with a cup of tea for her.

“I’m guessing he found out,” Tommy says as he sits next to her and traces over the bruises on her cheek and neck.

(Y/N) nodded, trying her hardest to not to cry, “He knows it’s you too, says he gonna ‘deal’ with you.”

Tommy snorted as he sat back on the couch and pulled her close to him, allowing her to nestle her face into his neck, “Don’t worry about him, I’ll deal with him.”

“Tommy-”

“Hey, listen to me” Tommy shifted so that they were looking into each other eyes, “I’ll make sure he doesn’t bother us anymore. You can be free and safe and we’ll be a family, you, me and Charlie.”

‘Family’ the word made (Y/N) shift, something that Tommy immediately caught on to.

“What’s wrong?” Tommy asked the question gently so that she didn’t feel pressured.

“I...I think I’m pregnant.” (Y/N) confessed after a moment of silence.

Tommy swore and rolled his eyes to the ceiling as he bit his lip in thought.

“Is it…?”

“If I’m actually pregnant, then it’s yours. You’re the only person I’ve been with.”

“You’re not sure?”

“Stewart was the one to point it out but he’s right, I haven’t had my period in a while.”

“Alright, here’s what we do.” Tommy sat up straight, “Tomorrow we’ll take you to the doctors to affirm that you’re pregnant and my brothers and I will deal with Stewart, he won’t be a problem to us anymore.”

“Are you going to kill him?” 

“If I don’t then you’ll never be free. If he’s gone then you are no longer chained to him.”

(Y/N) knew Tommy was right but she still had her worries, “As long as you’re not the one to do it.”

Tommy opened his mouth to protest, but (Y/N) stopped him before he could, “I know. I know you want to but I don’t want you to be caught up in the backlash if there is any because even if I’m not pregnant, you still have Charlie and I refuse to be the reason why a little boy no longer has his dad.”

Tommy nodded, Charlie had already lost his mother and the last thing he needed was to lose his father too. 

“C’mon, let’s go to bed.” Tommy held his hand out and smiled when (Y/N) placed her hand into his. He pulled her up off the couch and towards his bedroom.

The following day was probably one of the wildest days (Y/N) had ever experienced in her life, it slotted in right beside her parents telling her that she was getting married and her wedding day to Stewart but rather than the fear and sickness she felt on those days, today she felt thrilled and jubilant. She was actually pregnant.

When she was younger, (Y/N) had always imagined having a family of her own and living a happy life and those dreams were quickly dashed when she got married to Stewart, the man had luckily no intention of having kids with her and (Y/N) accepted the fact that she’ll never have a family of her own. But now, here she was, anxiously pacing around Tommy’s flat, waiting for him to return from meeting his brothers so that she could tell him the good news. 

  When Tommy arrived back at the flat, he wasn’t alone, he had a seven-year-old boy who was acting like his shadow. He had the question written all over his face and when she nodded in confirmation, a large smile spread over his face.

“Charlie, I would like you to meet someone important to me. This is (Y/N).”

The little boy peeked around his father’s legs and looked at the woman who stood in front of them,

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you.” The boy politely greeted.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Charlie. I’ve heard so much about you.” (Y/N) softly smiled.

“From dad?” The boy asked.

“Yeah, he talks about you all the time.” 

Charlie laughed as he looked up at his father before he turned back to (Y/N), “I haven’t heard anything about you.”

“I know, that’s my fault, sorry.” (Y/N)’s smile dimmed a bit, “But you can get to know me now if you want?”

“Yea?” Charlie stepped forward towards (Y/N) and away from his father as he became more comfortable, “What’s your favourite colour?”

(Y/N) grinned at Charlie’s question, his innocence and sincerity were the first normal thing she’s come across in forever and she loved it. 

“My favourite colour? Hmm, it has to be pink!”

“Pink?! That’s such a girly colour!” Charlie groaned making (Y/N) laugh

“I am a girl Charlie.” 

Tommy watched as (Y/N) and Charlie interacted, glad that they were getting on together so well, telling Charlie that he was going to be a big brother and that Tommy will be marrying (Y/N) might be difficult but Tommy couldn’t find it in himself to care at that moment.

Tommy had moved (Y/N) into Arrow House by the end of the week and told Charlie everything that was happening and everything was great but Tommy couldn’t let himself be fully happy until Stewart was dealt with, he needed something that would get rid of him for good, yet not arouse suspicion and after a few conversations with his brothers, he had found his solution and put it to work immediately.

He found (Y/N) in the kitchen a week later, nursing a cup of tea and passed her the mornings newspaper and watched her face closely to see her reaction,

“Stewart Langley dies in a robbery gone wrong.” (Y/N) reads the headline out, her face unreadable.

 “Thank you.” (Y/N) said after she pulled him into a tight hug.

“You don’t have to worry about him anymore. It’s just, you, me, Charlie and our little one.”

(Y/N) smiled at him, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

3 YEARS LATER

“Charlie! Florence! Don’t go too far!” (Y/N) yelled as her children ran off as soon as they entered the park.

She saw her children nod before they slowed down, waiting for her and Tommy to catch up.

Three years had passed since everything happened and (Y/N) couldn’t believe how quickly time passed, her daughter’s third birthday was fast approaching and she couldn’t believe how quickly she had grown up. Charlie as well had grown a lot, looking more like Grace every day.

Florence looked like both of them but she had Tommy’s eyes and (Y/N) had moments where she would get lost in them. 

Charlie was a great big brother, he was excited when they announced that (Y/N) was pregnant and when Florence was born, he was offering to (Y/N) at every moment, bringing her clothes and nappies and now that they were older, he was always helping Florence play and never leaving her behind.

(Y/N)’s dream had come true and she felt like she could cry. Everything she could have dreamed of was right in front of her.

“You alright?” Tommy brought her out of her thoughts.

“Yeah...just happy.” (Y/N) smiled at him.

“Good.” Tommy smiled at her too, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” (Y/N) pecked his lip before taking his hand and tugging him along to catch up to their children.

#tommy shelby imagines #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby fanfic #tommy shelby fluff #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinder imagine #Peaky Blinders #imagines #fanfic #x reader #fluff

[silver-wield]

(1/3) Agreeing with the 🌼 anon. That blogger didn’t use “woman empowerment” but she did use “female assertiveness”, and she’s actually an abuse victim herself. Only problem is that she seems to invalidate people who’ve had different abusive/uncomfortable and toxic experiences with behaviors like Aerith’s. I think she raises some good points about the use of the word “abusive” in fandom spaces, but her assumption that the people speaking out haven’t suffered abuse is what makes me critical.

(2/3) She’s recently talked about how Tifa forced Cloud to do things as well. I’m of the opinion that the two situations are largely different for a variety of reasons. Cloud never outright tells Tifa “no” and has it ignored. His grumping is often just a front. With Aerith, on the other hand, he’s consistently uncomfortable. Forced to take little to no pay for his work, faced with people who don’t take no for an answer, and is prevented from leaving by Aerith intercepting him.

(3/3) I said “prevented from leaving” when I should have said she exhibited some truly stalkerish behavior and jumped out at him in the darkness from an alley as he was trying to go. It’s not exactly shining behavior on her part. Especially when she then delays his leaving even more. I think it’s strange to grasp for a lot of people because Cloud doesn’t put up more of a fight, but I also think some manipulation tactics were put into play.

(4/5) Anon who agrees with 🌼 again. The issue has been bothering me a bit because she does raise a good point: why doesn’t Cloud ask anybody else for help? I was wondering if you could answer that question (no pressure, of course). What bothers me the most is that this blogger keeps assuming people are mentioning this as a way to justify hating a character. She implies that the people speaking up haven’t experienced abuse and that they only know it as an abstract concept.

(5/5) That’s incredibly damaging to a lot of people. I myself liked Aerith as a character once I got to know her better, and actually ship her with Cloud (I’m a multishipper), but there’s no ignoring that Aerith acts very strange in chapter 8, at the detriment of Cloud’s consent, comfort, time, and stability. The fact that so many people have spoken up about this isn’t a coincidence. People with bad experiences are coming out and getting disregarded. That shouldn’t be happening.

Apologies for the long post 😅 I hope you don’t mind. I’m pretty impassioned about this issue, honestly. Because I do actually agree with the blogger on multiple points, but find that she seems to keep missing the issue and hurting other people in the fandom. Cloud doesn’t need to be held at gunpoint to be put into an uncomfortable (and possibly dangerous - he doesn’t know Aerith all that well) situation. She’s right about how certain words are misused, but she’s dodging the heart of the issue.

Honestly, it’s exhausting how these people take concepts they don’t understand and slap them on shit that’s the exact opposite like if they scream they’re right enough people will believe them. 

It takes as long as your browser and typing speed to look shit up.

Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive.

WITHOUT.

Assertiveness is not gender oriented, so what the fuck even are people blabbing about now? Female assertiveness? Gimme a break. Being assertive is a character trait. Some people are naturally assertive, while others need to learn how to stand up for themselves. Like a particular spiky haired protagonist.

Aerith’s not assertive, she’s pushy because she doesn’t respect Cloud, and respect is part of being assertive. Being able to get your point across without being a douchebag about it. Like how certain people are constantly screaming how they’re right and dragging everyone else through the mud. Those people aren’t assertive because assertiveness is a positive trait. It implies confidence in oneself and one’s ideals. There’s no need to be a dick to people because they believe in their viewpoint and see no reason to pull others down. 

Ex: I’m both assertive and can be a dick because one of my other traits is petty bench, but on the whole I’m assertive without activating that petty bench mode until people piss me off because I operate on a respect and respect alike policy. If people come to me and give me shit then they shouldn’t expect flowers in exchange. 

Back to the thing.

Aerith talks over Cloud, ignores his opinion, bullies him into doing what she wants “this is the plan, Cloud, and you’ll learn to love it” and deliberately ignores the fact he says no. That line creeps me tf out and it obviously does Cloud too because he literally steps up to her and says “what?” in an aggressive voice. Cloud has a limit and Aerith was very close to going over it. 

Cloud. said. no.

And guess what? Cloud’s not assertive. Not for himself. Not until he’s pushed beyond normal means.

He couldn’t say no to Jessie, despite not being happy about the job. He couldn’t refuse to help Aerith, despite not wanting to fight Reno -- he knows how tough Turks are, he’s not an idiot -- and then he got compensated with a date that made Reno call him a weirdo (and he never accepted it either, so Aerith’s yet another person in sector 5 who took him for a fool). So, yeah, no goddamn wonder Cloud’s reluctant to argue when Aerith could ruin his hard won reputation inside of an afternoon. He says “That wasn’t the deal” when she tries to force him to stay, but can’t keep insisting when that doesn’t work. Because Cloud is shy af. Were people not paying attention to the promise? To CC? That’s real Cloud and real Cloud makes up the core of soldier Cloud. He’s a shy, awkward boy who could barely speak to his crush. He didn’t get along with others because he’s introverted. He’s quiet and reserved. Just because he kicks all the ass doesn’t change that about him. 

Cloud isn’t a talker. Everyone knows this about him. It’s a canon fact. So, not being a talker, being reserved, quiet, introverted, unable to speak up for his own sake when he wants something that together showcases someone who isn’t good at standing up for himself. He tries. He tried so hard to refuse Aerith, but he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He either got lost trying to get home or he put up with the pushy girl who keeps making him do shit he doesn’t want to. He sighs and pulls faces and doesn’t look happy. He wants to go home. He still said no several times to her whenever she tried to waylay him further. She didn’t care about what he wanted. That doesn’t make her assertive. It makes her the asshole because she has no respect for him.

People think that because he called Jessie desperate that it meant he wanted to stay with Aerith. That he’s capable of speaking up for himself. Nope With Jessie, he’d had a long ass day of work and longer ass night, been excluded by both Barret and the Avalanche trio, made to break into Jessie’s house (which doesn’t sit well with Cloud’s actual moral compass), then did a bunch more difficult shit fighting off Shinra and then literally jumped off the plate. Okay?! Cloud had a long ass day and it was like 4am by that point and he was tired. Anybody tries to say after that much work they’d be nice Imma call them a goddamn liar. 

Aerith refused to tell Cloud the way home, absolutely prevented him from leaving, made him do a bunch of work for shitty or no pay, belittled and insulted him, then barricaded the hallway so he couldn’t escape and stalked him to the exit when he escaped. He literally pulls a yessh face after reluctantly agreeing to let her show him how to get home. And then when they get there she withholds vital information for how he can actually get into the sector (or did people not notice him saying the giant gate was shut too?) until she gets what she wants out of him. And he sighs. Again. He has no say in anything because Aerith doesn’t listen to anyone but herself. The only reason he starts being nice to her is she tries to get info about Zack out of him and Cloud’s a nice guy who feels sorry for her. He knows he’ll never see her after this (or did people also misinterpret that reaction to Elmyra? Probably, since the only person he’d want to make a normal life with is Tifa, so being told he can’t is gonna get a reaction duh), so why be a dick to a girl who’s obviously upset about her boyfriend? Literally the second he saw Tifa -- barely even saw her because he knew that was her from the back of her head, her shoulder and hands -- he ran to her. He forgot Aerith even existed. But, sure, please do focus on the fact that he respected Tifa enough to do as she asked after an entire goddamn day of being disrespected by someone else. He’s not gonna treat Tifa the way he was just treated by Aerith. He actually cares about her.

And what did they think the message in Stand Up was? It’s not about dancing ffs. Andrea’s telling Cloud not to be afraid to be himself. That means speaking up for himself too, not about being real Cloud, which is a message he wouldn’t even understand at that point because he’s soldier Cloud and not aware of real Cloud. Andrea figured out Cloud right away. He saw a boy who’d do anything for the woman he loved, even let himself get pressured into something he’d be embarrassed by. That’s what stand up means in relation to Cloud. 

Tifa never forced Cloud to do anything. She asked him to go with her to collect filter money, then immediately backtracked when she realised she’d have to pay him for that too. Cloud agreed and smiled at her. She also let him keep all of the money they got, which in the end gave him a grand total of 2150 gil, not the 2000 he was promised, so they overpaid him to make up for the delay.

She also asked him after the first quest “what do you want to do now?” and he said “Dunno,” so she made a suggestion. There’s no force behind that. He could refuse and go take a nap or something. She spent the day getting him work and helping him with that work, so much so that he was fully prepared to split the fee with her. Unlike with Aerith. 

I could go on and on about this because I’ve gone over that chapter so many times. I don’t just replay odd chapters to get stuff, I replay the entire game, so I get to see the development of everything as it unfolds and see those connections between things that I overlooked before because I was too busy looking at something else. People think because they spend umpteen hours in sector 5 that Cloud did too. Nope. Cloud was there for around 11 hours before he left.

It was morning when he woke and since in December the sun would rise around 8am, that’s the earlier possible time that it could’ve been. In fact it could’ve been later. Cloud and Aerith spend several hours getting back to the sector so that it’s close to dinner time when they arrive. She then makes him do odd jobs for a few hours and then they eat and Cloud has a nap -- because he literally has a dream. You know, that thing people keep clinging to. He can’t dream if he’s not asleep. When he wakes up it’s dark and since it’s past dinner time, it’s around 6-7pm when he escapes and makes for the sector 6 exit. And that’s chapter 8. 

Chapter 9 takes around 4 hours for them to complete. They spend a couple of hours fighting in the coliseum, then Cloud messes around while Aerith’s getting ready, which from Madam M seems to take around an hour. That leaves the rest of the time for the honey bee inn show, getting Cloud changed, walking to Corneo’s and the bit in the dungeon. Then they get dropped in the sewers. 

Do you see how little time Cloud actually spent with Aerith? He’s known her for like 15 hours total before he reunites with Tifa. And people think he fell in love with her? Ew. Even Disney knew better than to try that. 

#ship war #for common sense #long post #for the cinnamon roll

[theowlandthekey]

We Don’t Need Covens: In This Essay I Will...

I'm a big fan of Sarah Anne Lawless. I never got the opportunity to speak with her personally, but for those of you who've been around long enough, you likely know about her blog discussing traditional witchcraft and her shop. I often found her posts to be inspirational, providing a unique clarity on subjects that most books skip over. To this day her belladonna ointment is one of the few things that can make my wife's back spasms stop.

Unfortunately both her blog and her shop have closed up. All I can find are interviews with her. In a very broad sense, Lawless came out about abuse and manipulation within the pagan community. She named names and instead of addressing the problems and having an open discussion about it, she was harassed until she backed off.

It upset me at the time in a very distant sense. As I said I never knew her, but I admired her passion and the certainty with which she practiced her craft. Though it's now long after the fact, I finally think I have the ability to put my thoughts into words.

We don't need covens. We never did.

I've been practicing off and on for about fifteen years or so. I've played around with different methods of witchcraft, wicca, and pagan worship. I've been the member of a druid grove, a loose coven association, and even a few on-line groups that claim to do all their spell casting via chat. In the end, I've found them all to be much the same. They promise a great deal and frankly fall short of everything from education to community.

I'm likely going to upset quite a few people with this statement. That's fine. You shouldn't trust anybody who thinks they can tell you your business. But for what it's worth, take a moment to read this over. If something here strikes you as familiar, it might be time to consider another path.

IQuick Note: I know there is a lot of grey area as to what could be considered a witch. You have pagans, heathens, wiccans and the like. Some are comfortable being called witches while others are not. But the connotation changes depending upon each individuals definition. So let's look at witches as people who, for whatever reason, have decided to intentionally avoid Christianity in favor of practicing a personal path of self-realization and independence involving magic, spells, enchantments and the like.

Cult Mentality

First thing you ought to consider is the potential for manipulation and control that exists in any group. This is especially true whenever matters of religion and faith are concerned. It's a touchy subject, no doubt. People are particular about religious practices. For my part, I maintain that witchcraft isn't a religion or a faith. It's a craft. But that doesn't change the fact that people will use religion as a method for controlling others. Especially others who are hungry to fit in with a group that they feel represents them. For this very reason, I firmly believe that witches should avoid becoming a congregation of any kind. Too many of us think of witchcraft as a religion, and while you can play pretend all you like most of us were raised Christian and still have difficulty shaking off the mimicry of organized religion. Our power is in our independence and our ability to think for ourselves, and it becomes much more difficult to do this when you form yourselves into a coven.

Respect My Authority

On that note, you can't form a group without some kind of a hierarchy making itself apparent. I have a strong distaste for covens who create arbitrary titles. They're largely meaningless. You don't really need a high priestess or an archdruid to go around wearing robes with more trim than everybody else. It's just an excuse for someone to hold themselves higher and make decisions without consulting anyone. You'll often find that people who hold these kinds of titles become very upset when someone disagrees with them and find ways to flex their authority in a 'funny' or 'joking' way. Basically telling others that if you disagree with them then you don't need to be there. This comes off especially hard on people who may be new to the craft and are still seeking approval.

Calling Ourselves Out

As sexual abuse allegations are on the rise, we have a duty to be aware of people within our community who put others in danger. We have heard it said that 'while not all priests are abusers, abusers tend to gravitate towards positions of authority'. This is no less true just because those leaders are witches and not priests. You don't get a Free Pass. Covens and groves all seem to want that central authority figure to which they can turn to. We tend to protect them because these people act as a spokesperson for us as a whole. But this does not mean they should be protected if they behave reprehensibly! They are not above the law and if we really want to present ourselves as being different from Christians, we should take a stance of pushing out people who are abusers and manipulators.

But here's the thing. We seem to have this self-righteous indignation that comes with being witches and pagans. Any questioning or perceived threats, especially ones that come from outside the community, are deemed as being biased because of Christian society. While this isn't entirely untrue, it also has a problematic effect on us wearing a permanent set of rose-tinted glasses whenever we look at the pagan community and it's 'stars'. Instead of seeing them as human beings with flaws, we view them as celebrities. We avoid using critical thinking skills when someone in the community comes up against criticism and it can end up damaging our reputation as a whole.

Witch n’ Bitch

While this is one of the most obvious issues with modern witchcraft groups, it is far from the bottom of the cauldron. While many groups come together promising to provide resources for education, help learning rituals and practices, and open discussions, I find that very few of them ever deliver on these promises. I've joined more than a few witchcraft 'study groups' only to have them disband after a few sessions for one reason or another. Others have sessions which quickly get derailed from methods and history into a bitching session about over covens, daily drama, or the like. Instead of helping interested parties by providing resources and discussion, it basically becomes a witches tea party. Brooms are snatched.

Exclusion By Design

Something else I want to bring up is the exclusion by design if not by intention concept that plagues covens. I have seen this manifest in more ways then I can count. Most typically it crops up in the form of “you're not experienced enough in our particular tradition”. However, I've noticed a lot of problems with most pagan groups being painfully white. The excuse is that this makes sense because most witchcraft traditions are European. However, that doesn't seem to stop most witches from liberally grabbing whatever non-European cultural paraphernalia they feel fits their witchy aesthetic. The most notable victims being the American Indians, the Voodoo/Santeria practitioners, and Mexican folk beliefs. I've been told by several people that this isn't on purpose. It's just how it ended up. But when you have to triple check everybody on a Norse Heathen group chat to be sure none of them have any racist ideology there is an inherent problem with the community which is long overdue for exposure.

Queer Craft

I’d like to bring up the patriarchal and hetero-normative slant that is heavily enforced in modern witchcraft and neopaganism. I want to preface this by saying that when I think of a witch, I think of a woman who lives apart from societal norms. She is autonomous. She is self-aware. She is unruffled by others perceptions of her. This is what makes her a force to be reckoned with. Yet much of wicca and neopaganism strives to enforce a very heteronormative perception of a woman's role in society by establishing the narrative of the Maiden/Mother/Crone archetype. While there is beauty in each of these phases of life and there is nothing wrong with a woman finding power in them for herself, enforcing them as a role model for what a woman should be has dangerous implications. A woman must be a virgin, reproductive, or too old to bother with. And it should come as no surprise that concepts have no real male counterpart.

This becomes an even bigger problem as we look forward to a more inclusive world where we are learning to recognize a larger spectrum of gender and sexuality. Where does the Queer witch fit in with these very narrow perceptions of the divine within the self? The pagan community loves to talk about itself as an accepting and open community that embraces all sexualities openly. But that isn't very well reflected in its liturgy and conception. I don't think this gets discussed much because people have heralded the God/Goddess, Horned God/Earth Goddess format for so long that we take it for granted despite these perceptions being relatively modern ones. While there are some traditions which put emphasis on the Queer spectrum and embracing it as a source of power and self-realization, they are few and far between.

Psudo Ethics

The final thing I want to bring up is the irritating moral high-ground that people in the pagan community are so willing to put forth any time we are questioned about our beliefs. It is just as irritating if not more so than listening to Christians proselytize. The Wiccan Rede has held a position for a long time as a general set of standards for what witches and wiccans should consider before acting or casting spells. However, I'm pleasantly surprised to see more of a discussion happening on morality in witchcraft. We don't exist to turn the other cheek. While I'm not a believer in the 'strike first' policy, I am a believer in defending myself when attacked.

I see a lot of judgment happening in the wiccan community, especially now that witchery is in the forefront of social media. People poking their noses into how others practice and deciding to take it upon themselves to 'correct' how another practitioner does their work. I understand why some people want to pursue a more positive and affirming lifestyle through wiccan practices. There is nothing wrong with that. But I confess myself irritated when I'm chided by other witches for casting a curse or have a discussion with a demon. My prerogatives are not your moral imperative, nor are any other witches. So long as my actions are not directed against you, it isn't any of your business what I get up to.

In Conclusion

Ironically, one of the biggest issue with discussing if not resolving many of these issues is that we, as witches/pagans and the like, are NOT a unified group. We are a loose collective. We don't have one central figure who decides doctrine. We don't have any of those things that make for dogma. The fact that we can choose to act independently of one another is a big part of our power. It emboldens us to think for ourselves, question tradition, and seek out new methods and practices which are better suited to our needs. Witchcraft does not begin and end with the anathema and the chalice. We can choose to both acknowledge the gods without permitting them too much influence over our lives. We can dance naked under the full moon while enticing a demon or just make a hot cup of tea while we listen to the rain and meditate. All of this is within our grasp.

But before we can practice together, we have to learn how to function together. And right now I don't' see a great deal of that happening. I believe that by learning how to be ourselves first, by practicing as solitary and independent witches before seeing out a group, we can be more confident overall. After fifteen years of practicing, I can tell you truthfully that I haven't learned anything in a group that I couldn't have learned by studying and practicing on my own. Mostly because 90% of the groups out there read the same damned books I do and are more into repetitive ritual than anything else. I would have loved to work with someone like Sarah Anne Lawless, even just to attend a few workshops led by her. Until we can learn to be better individuals as witches first, I don't know if our community can be better together.

#witchcraft #wicca #pagan #witch #wiccan #paganism #anit-coven #covens #critique #rant #problems within the community #pagan community #wiccan community #editorial #solitary witch

[rocketmman-blog]

Inside the building

Inside the building, Studio 20 occupies the first and second floors. Forty rooms open off pristine, white corridors, their walls adorned with pictures of women in states of glamorous undress. A closed door means business. Inside that room a woman is live and direct via webcam with international clients - and as long as she is alone in the room, it is entirely legal. In this world of virtual relationships and cybersex, those in front of the camera are "models" and the men who watch are "members". On her end, the website looks like this. This is where she sits and waits. (Click to expand)Are there any really common requests that you get?She's got camming down to a science. "It's all about saying to people they are sweet," she smiles. All a man needs is attention, when he wants it, and he'll be Anna's until the tokens run dry. Regulars will sit in her room for hours, pouring money away — these are the lonely ones, Anna says. "They want to hear that they're loved... that they're sweet... that they're kind... that's how you keep them coming back. It might sound mercenary, but these guys are getting exactly what they're paying for. Only a man in the deepest bog of delusion truly believes the cam love is real — if you're spending hundreds of dollars for a companion on your computer monitor, you have to be willing to suspend disbelief. Plenty are willing — particularly Americans, who for whatever reasons (Anna chalks it up to a sort of cultural shamelessness), are more "generous" than Europeans, and more likely to buy into the act — and pay for the privilege of watching something interactive.

Sandy Bell's partner lives with her in their high-rise flat on the outskirts of Bucharest. He knows what she does, but her parents do not. It is not uncommon in this industry - even for studio owners - to hide their occupations from family and friends. This accounts for the fact that those who talked to the BBC in Bucharest preferred to use their cam name, or just a first name.If abuse were such a big problem, Anna says, then why would any Romanian girls bother with it at all? Why wouldn't they just find some other job? In a country whose GDP only stopped shrinking two years ago, with 20 per cent of the population living below the poverty line and personal income levels far below Kazakhstan, Iran and Gabon, that question answers itself. There's a reason Anna's so happy to be independent from her former employers, a status she equates with nothing less than her "freedom".Domino has it pretty good — an American with ample property and a cushy career based on sex she enjoys. Not everyone is Domino.Not all models work from a studio. Sandy Bell - a graduate with two university degrees - is one of a small army of women who webcam from home. She makes about 100 euros (£90) a day when she goes online to supplement her income as an interior designer. One advantage of being independent - and dealing directly with a web-hosting company - is that she earns a larger percentage of members' fees.

Exactly! That's where I got my first taste of sex positivity. Going through my relationships and going to university I was like ‘woah, nobody thinks the way I do, I must be weird'. But being a webcam model, I realised everyone is into something different, they just feel like they can't talk about it.While I was there, I went through one of the trainings they offer—a cam girl boot camp, so to speak. To be a cam girl, I learned, you have to be able to field sexual requests and be an expert on all kinds of fetishes so that you always know what clients are talking about. On top of that, you also have to be a pseudo therapist. The coach trained me on how to respond to different fetish requests, what to wear, how to do my makeup, how to pose, how to use the equipment, and just how to interact with clients in general. It turns out that, according to my coach, what people like is generally not the super over-the-top sexy woman. They want someone who looks hot but is pretty normal and chill, who they can just talk to.This comes off as somewhere between cynicism and naive denial, but the fact that she knows of any girls at all who've raped and beaten suggests that it is, at the very least, a real occupational hazard.It's very possible, but if they do no one has ever said it to my face. I used to be in porn production for big companies, and that was probably the only time I experienced negativity. I told a guy about what I do and he was like I don't agree with porn. These women are being forced to do something they don't want to do. It's degrading. He did bring up some good points but I argued that it was the same as any office job. Your boss is going to fuck you over or you don't get paid, right? It's the same. At least with webcamming, I work for myself and I can choose how much I earned, and if nobody wanted to pay me that [amount], they wouldn't come to me. CONTINUED BELOW...

[rainbowdoom32]

So I'm going to start identifying myself as aspec. Previously I identified as a bisexual aromantic but upon furthur consideration I might be asexual.

I'm posting about this b/c 1) it puts it out there and makes the lable feel more real and tangible

2) I know some of y'all IRL or on a personal enough basis that I feel you should know

3) A queers need more visibilty in gen

4) cause I want to talk abouy it

So Idk how to do a read more and am on mobile so if you dont want to hear about what being aspec means to me start scrolling now

So. In the aspec community (do we have a better word?) theres an overwhelming discourse about sexual and romantic repulsion. For those of you who dont know thats when the idea of sex , sexual content, sex itself, the idea of romance, romantic gestures, and/or romantic content acts as a squick for you it creates some spectrum of a revulsion in you to be confronted with one or more of these things. Its an overwhelming discourse for many reasons but the one I want to talk about is that it makes it obvious that your ace or aro if your repulsed by sex or romance. The process for discovering your aspec identity is easier in a way, specifically in a way it isnt for me.

See I dont experience sexual or romantic repulsion. I like romance stories and porn. I actively seek these things out. I'm not put off by discussions of others romantic or sexual lives (specific aspects may repulse me but in general I'm interested in these especially when coming from people I care about). So naturally as a teenager I never considered myself as aspec. i considered myself bisexual almost immediatly (there was a thing where I thought I was tricking myself into thinking I liked women to be included in the queer community. More on that later) it took two very short very middle school esque (one took place my sophmore year) relationships and an accidental internet encounter with the concept of aromantisim for me to realise that the reason this wasnt working for me was because I didnt really want it.

The more I thought of myself as aro the more things made sense. At the slumber parties as a kid I never had a crush to confess. Those two failed relationshios? Guy friends I'd gotten real close to and thought my new stronger friendship feelings must be what romantic attraction feels like. Also the real sticker, I dont get jealousy in romance at all. Like that one goes over my head. I dont understand why cheating is the worst thing someone can do in a relationship to the point that people who've been sucked into a cycle of abuse and have become convinced everything is their fault will snap when they discover they were cheated on. That is absolutly mind boggling for me.

The point of that is I never got that ew ick romance feeling. As a reult the road to discovering I was aromantic was long and and full of doubt. Doubt that went along the lines of "Maybe I just havent found the right person". Which also happens to be the exact thing my mum says to me everytime I try to explain that Im aromantic to her. Bisexuality she understands and accepts. This she doesnt. So even though I know intellectually theres no right person for me that niggling doubt remains andit haunts me.

Now im going to devolve a bit here and I know what this sounds like but im seriously not trying to be offensive just explain something

See I read a fanfic recently. I dont remeber how I found it but it was a Stony fic and the story and the set up were very romantic cliche. Basically Steve was Tony's booty call it evolves to friends with benefits Steve falls in love. Textbook stuff. But see theres a wrench because the author identifies as aromantic is with the definition we have aromantic. They write their identity onto Tony. Thats something we do in fanfic and in writing. But the problem I ran into is this: the author identifies as aromantic because they experience romantic repulsion(yes they told me this) so in the fic Tony is in love with Steve but experiences romantic repulsion. The idea of romance of romantic commitment makes him anxious and sick. This is how the author feels FWB allows them to experience intimacy without triggering their repulsion. Identifying as atomantic makes them feel not broken. This so good right? This is why we have labels

Except. When I read this part of the story it hurt me. Directly. See Tong Stark has Daddy Issues. Ehen the author wrote about Tony's romantic repulsion narritevly they tied it into Tony's not nice childhood. I dont know specifically why it wasnt part of thwir explanation when I told them their story hurt me. I didnt ask. But this narritive decision made what was essentially was an author expressing their experience as an aromantic in a story feel like a personal attack against my aromantic identity.

See when I read that what I read was "Tony Stark cant commit to an actual relationship with Steve Rogers because Howard Starks Grade A parenting fucked up his ability to recieve expressions of love and his ability to commit. Tony Stark is in romantic love with Steve Rogers but his childhood trauma prevents him from expresing it in the traditional manner this is what being aromantic is"

That hurt. Because it hit that little doubt in my head about not having met the "right person" and mixed it up with some childhood trauma made you a broken person. It also hit me while I felt safe. Romance stories are my escapism. Their like an extra element of fantasy in a story for me. I specifically seek out romantic stories as a comforting mechanism. Fanfics in particular because of their inclusivity. I was in my safe space, and I was whammed in a sore spot.

The problem is though the author has a right to that story and that label and to express themselves. We usually draw the line at self expression where it hurts other people but thats not what happened here. What happened here was definitial confusion. The author and I were using "aromantic" to describe two different but similar romantic orientations. In doing so we hurt each other ironically in the same way. We both said to each other "Your identity is wrong and toxic you hurt people and yourself by expressing it the way you do". (I left a comment saying how her story affected me)

When I say I'm aromantic I mean I experience no romantic feelings. None nada zilch. The idea that I might one day experience a type of romantic feeling is an aggression against me. The same way the idea that gay people can choose to be straight is an aggression against being gay.

But I can't invalidate someone else to protect myself. What do I do? I dont want to hurt myself and I dont want to hurt other people? Idk

And now to why I no longer identify as bisexual.

I'm a virgin. Because most peoples first time is with someone their in a romantic relationship with. And we'll I dont do that. Im also a socially anxious person. I have no idea how to instogate a sexual encounter and honeslty I wouldnt feel comftorable dping it with someone I couldnt trust or alternatively someone I'm friends with and would have to continue being juat friends with in post we had sex awkwardness. So ive never had an opportunity to have sex.

But I also havent sought them out. And I dont feel particularly driven to. These are reasons to think your asexual but I'm sure it's also the experience of many introverted and secually awkawrd people. And it's not like I couldnt have sex at some future point. Even now if an opportunity arose I might say yes, of only to confirm my asexuality.

The thing that has made me actually consider if I'm ace tho is a weird quirk of mine. I cant get off to prom videos. I use lit erotica. Why? Cause the idea that those are real live people puts me off. Porn stars and amateur porn makers know people get off watching their videos. Theyre okay with that. But I'm not. At all. Thats a big ol nope for me.

See I'm a ciswoman. Which means I have a clitoris. An organ whose only purpose is to provide pleasure. As everyone knows reciving pleasure via the clit requires no participation by a second person. The fact that my clitiros functions as intended and that I use it isnt sexual attraction.

Thats a new idea for me. But it's true isnt it? Sexual attraction is about other people. And sure I can appreciate other people's hotness. But just because I think a horse is pretty doesnt mean I want to fuck it. Remeber that thing about thinking I was faking bisexuality?? I was right. I wasnt sexually attracted to women. But what I hadnt bothered to consider because of heteronormativity was that I wasnt sexually attracted to men either.

Other fun fact in case you might be an ace person who's read this far (why? Also hi Katie and possibly Sadie but definelty Nishat. No im not implying any of you are ace) I dont have sex dreams. But I do have dreams in which I masturbate. So stick that jn your pipe and smoke it.

Anyways these are all experinces that I have that I feel neccessry to share to make it so the repulsion story isnt the only one out there. And also to start a discourse about how experiencing and not experiencing repulsion affect aspec experience. Thanks for reading!

#aro #ace #aromantic #aromantism #asexuality #aspec #lgbt #lgbtqa

[themodernsouthernpolytheist]

Hey! Sorry to bother you again, I was just hoping to talk to someone with experience in the field I'm looking at.You work in vet offices, right? I've been eyeballin a vet tech program near me and I'm seriously considering it... but I'd like an insider view if that's okay? I know it's very personal to you, I'm just really weighing my options. I'm sort of stuck between the directions I can go this year, but a veterinary track seems like something I would be good at. Any advice would be amazing!

Hey, @v0idghost ! You’re not botherin me at all, no worries! Sometimes I just get a little behind on asks with everything else goin on in my life haha

So, as for the question, this may get a little long. Also, CW that there will be mentions and maybe descriptions of medical stuff, euthanasia, and probably some heartbreaking stories. 

First off, I overall loved my time in the veterinary world. It’s great to feel needed, to help our furry family members, and to engage in applied science. I am who I am because of my time in veterinary medicine. 

That said, it’s not for the faint of heart. There’s just as much heart-breaking, soul-crushing work as there is joyfulness. My experience is admittedly influenced by the fact that I spent ¾ of my 15 year career (so far—I still work in the field seasonally) in emergency medicine. But this comes from a variety of places. There are the asshole clients who think you’re a moron, no matter how much knowledge you have and utilize. There’s the people who’ve threatened my life and that of my coworkers. There are the abused and neglected animals, whether intentional, a good samaritan, or the demise of an elderly person that leads family members to find Fluffy in a state of neglect. Plus the folks who want to do what’s right and best, but simply can’t afford it. Unlike human medicine, we can’t treat and let the billing department deal with the finances later. On one shift, I euthanized 27 animals with my own hands. I pushed the injection. That doesn’t count anything I might have helped someone else with, but it’s a day I’ll never forget. I can still see the face of the SWEETEST pitbull that had severe injuries I won’t belabor who licked me while I ended his suffering because there wasn’t anyone who could take on an animal that needed months of intense therapy and medication. I cried myself to sleep that night and many other nights, too. I won’t dwell on that much more for now, but can definitely give more stories if you want. 

It also depends on where you are. For instance, if you’re in New York, they have the strictest licensure requirements and some of the toughest vet tech programs in the country. If I’m not mistaken, NY requires a Bachelors degree to sit for state boards. On the flip side, in my home state of Tennessee, no licensure is required and 90% of techs in the state are on-the-job trained, myself included. In TN, it also doesn’t make a ton of difference in terms of pay, but can open a few more doors in specialty practices and there are a few clinics in larger cities that prefer or require licensure, but they’re not the norm. And then there’s everything in between in other states, so I’d definitely recommend checking into your local regulations. If there’s not much in the way of regulation there, you might see if you can get a job in a clinic or maybe just shadow for a few days to see for yourself. You’d be surprised how willing many clinics are to do that kind of thing and it would give you first-hand experience. 

It’s also a lot of long hours. If you work a day clinic, most have 10+ hour days, plus some weekends and holidays. If you work ER, you can be looking at 12-16 hour shifts (or longer if you’re busy cause you can’t just leave) and definite nights, weekends, and holidays. I went almost 10 years without attending a family holiday, for instance, because I was 400 miles from home, so even if I was off on the holiday itself, I didn’t have time to drive that far. Not to mention that you’re usually working for a small business, so if there’s a problem, there’s no HR to go to. You either deal with it or quit. 

But I feel like that’s so much negative, haha. While the field is (obviously by now) not just petting animals, you do get to do some of that, haha. In the first ER I worked in, we saw everything from dogs and cats to rats to birds of prey and parrots to getting to assist one of the doctors do relief work at the zoo with tigers! It. Was. AMAZING. I learned to check for intestinal parasites, assist in (and occasionally do minor) surgical procedures, take x-rays, pull blood and run bloodwork, and soooo much more. 

It also influenced my spirituality. I had already experienced my fair share of death, but this work kept me in constant contact with death for years. As such, I found myself drawn to chthonic deities, spirits of death, and deities related to husbandry. My world revolved around veterinary medicine and therefore my spirituality did and does in many ways, too. 

I formed close friendships with coworkers because you almsot have to. You depend on coworkers to keep you safe unlike you do in most other industries. I view everything though a lens of scientific skepticism and that has translated well even into such a disparate field as Religious Studies. So if this hasn’t scared you off, I say take a look at your local laws and go from there! Or if you have any other more specific questions, please lemme know! 

#Veterinary Medicine #Veterinary Science #Medicine #Science #Veterinary Technician #Asks #v0idghost #holy crap that got long lol

[thereturnofthedirtyblog]

My observation & honest 2 sense?!😉

I’m not here to argue, I’m not on ANYONES bandwagon…I’m just here to give my options same as everyone else, to state an observation I’ve made as I’m sure many others have while reading some of this…I don’t know Zak, just as I don’t know anyone who’s made claims about him, I’m not saying I don’t believe ½ what’s here, but AGAIN I’m not on a personal bandwagon of Zak’s cause I don’t think he’s all perfect & innocent, he’s a man not a Saint, but I’m not on the bandwagon of let’s bash & ostracize him either…I will say opinions are like assholes everybody has one…because as I just stated above I don’t know anybody who’s made a claim/post to know if their telling the truth or not, I wasn’t present during their relationship, didn’t witness what she said & did, what he said & did…I know NONE of it…What I do know is…WE ALL LIE, that’s a given, people make shit up, girls especially ex’s can be petty, vindictive & spiteful when they’ve been hurt, wether it’s jealousy, or because of what he did in general, fans too can be pretty psychotic…I myself am experiencing assumptions said about me by my ex that aren’t even true & unless your that one involved or a close friend how can anybody else claim they know you or something that happened between you & your ex if they weren’t involved to witness ANY of it…I could really tell you some things about my ex & you’d wonder why I stayed as long as I did, HE WAS A TRUE NARCISSIST, mentally, physically & emotionally abusive, a narcissist of the worse kind, I could tell you ALOT, but I’d be here writing for a week & not cover ½ of everything he’s done, this isn’t what I see about Zak…he might be disrespectful player yes (if everything is true) but NARCISSISTIC, no I’ve lived with that & rest assured I’m not seeing that, even in what I’ve read about him…but what I could say about my ex nobody would know if I’m telling the truth, it’s my experience & nobody was here to live it but me…also this being the internet everything has to be taken with a grain of salt, so many fake accounts, people using profiles or pretending to be someone Er something their not (which I’ve been experiencing myself with my ex’s girlfriend) just to stir & create drama…Zak maybe what some of you girls claim, but again whose to say some girls making the claims weren’t jaded & saying shit just to be vindictive & petty because he didn’t wanna get more involved with them or some whacko fan pretending to be something their not making the same claims to keep him single cause if they can’t have him nobody should or hoping she’ll be the one, we all have our issues & NONE of us are perfect by far, while I do agree if he really wants someone who is mature, doesn’t like, want or create drama, doesn’t have to be the center of attention, doesn’t need to be bought things to feel needed, wants to have a great relationship/friendship then he needs to find someone 30 & up, with their shit together, older girls can have just as much fun, be spontaneous or even chill, plus they to have a higher sex drive…cause those under 30 are still trying to get through life, they have a long way to go, things to live through & experience, but he is an adult & as long as their 18 & older their adults too! At 18 who ever listened to another adult?! What 18-22 year old didn’t act like they already knew it all?! We all have our likes & dislikes, some girls love fame, fortune, muscular men, a sugar daddy with lots of money, while some girls just want a guy who’s not like her ex, who’s their best friend & partner, who’s not into the materialistic shit, most of us are to busy looking with our eyes instead of really getting to know someone, & what they bring to the table, to see if they actually get along outside of the bedroom…(this can be said with all of us), I’m not judging him or dismissing anything people has claimed…my Philosophy in life is this, look beyond what you see, listen beyond just what you hear, cause not all that we see is accurate & not all that we hear is true…I guess what I’m saying is instead of blindly following & believing everything that’s posted & never asking a question leaves one ill informed, it’s just a 1 sided story…just as assumptions were made about me (NOTHING to with this or Zak, just personal experience & things I’m currently dealing with with my soon to be ex) I know what’s it’s like for an ex to make up shit to tell other people that don’t know me or the situation, but to make shit up to make me look bad so he can feel better about the shit he’s doing…maybe Zak will find her, & he’ll change for the better, maybe he thinks it takes meeting many, to find that 1 he really connects with, maybe its dabbling more with the darker things (like demons) that’s changed him & he’s not really aware, the guys have been dealing with darker things & it’s bound to have an affect on their behavior & personalities, some things the fans can see, their not around them all the time, they probably wouldn’t notice because they live it, see it & deal with it everyday & are used to it…so it’s not noticed…it’s always easy to make judgements from the outside looking in…like when we girls gain & lose weight, we don’t notice, but those who aren’t around us all the time notices the changes…So I’m not a blind follower of Zak or of ANYBODY’S, that’s silly, but I’m not gonna ostracize someone over opinions of other girls or people who’ve I’ve never met & don’t even know, that I don’t know if they ever actually dated, if they are the actual person who was involved with Zak & if they aren’t just mad, jealous, just being petty & vindictive to create chaos & drama because he didn’t choose them… I know these are opinions/theories & what have you, but I read some of what’s here & it’s like, nobody here likes Ghost Adventures anymore, everyone is ostracizing Zak & judging every move he makes good or bad (mostly bad) or putting down the other girls & even if Zak went with someone his age & wasn’t a fake made up Barbie looking model, y’all’d still put him & her down just the same, y’all putting down Aaron essentially the whole crew & wanting to dig up dirt on everyone…I’m sure most of us have skeletons in our closet that we wanna keep there, we’ve done shit we’re not proud of & we’ve changed ourselves to become better, or we found/met or it took meeting that person who made us want to change & become better…if it wasn’t for those mistakes we might not have ever become who we are…I understand the purpose behind this, trying to inform & warn other girls, let girls find out what her behavior creates, what it attracts, if she has no respect for herself but to advertise herself as a piece of meat, that’s how she’s gonna get treated, she’ll either grow from it & change for the better or she won’t & she too will lead & empty shallow life, life is about experiences the good & the bad…the bad, may be bad for a bit, but it’s also the best learning & teaching experience…it makes us wiser & stronger…if & I say “IF” loosely…but if Zak is a 10000% of everything everyone has claimed/posted, then his fate is sealed & he to will end up being alone, cause shallow girls only want money & their only worried about keeping up their fake looks & large spending habits or he will eventually run into a girl that uses him as he has them, as they say karma is only a bitch if you are, then again he might run into that girl that captures his soul & he becomes better for it…we’re all capable of change…we all can find that 1 who we want to change everything for, to be honest we’re not qualified to have an HONEST opinion about his life, cause we don’t know who’s behind the keyboard saying it, we wasn’t in the relationship so who knows the real story…as they say there’s 2-sides to every story & I know before someone jumps in to say it, well their experiences were the same as others, but as I said we don’t know who’s behind the scenes making that claim, one can assume & speculate, but no actual FACTS or proof, no videos, no behind the scenes footage, just a post from someone making a claim that may or may not be true, that may or may not be done out of malicious intent… that may or may not have actually dated Zak, who’s to say that after they broke up, they didn’t or hadn’t already came across this site & decided to use it to create more drama, & gossip just to be spiteful…I’m gonna be honest, there’s so much hateful, nasty comments all the way around towards Zak, Aaron & the rest of the crew, to all the other girls, in all honesty it sounds catty, like there’s a few here that wasn’t picked they needed to put down & have bash Zak fest & the rest of the guys, Going as far as saying that they stage shit for the show, I honestly don’t see them risking their reputation & living in doing such things (again my opinion), I don’t think they’d risk getting exposed & their credibility ruined like that, Zak May be arrogant, but I don’t see them risking their livelihoods in that manner…I might get jumped on for saying this, but I’m just being honest here, it’s like a bunch of ex’s who wanted more & didn’t get it, met each other & decided to get together & air their dirty laundry, make up stuff, over exaggerated things, talk about how small his wanky is, how lame in bed he is, being to old…just petty shit…that’s how all this sounds…jealous pettiness…if I was a jealous ex, a jealous fan & wanted him to never have a girlfriend & be alone, keep him single…this blog would be perfect to fuel that, help stoke those flames & keep girls away or it could have the reverse affect & makes some girl think she can be the one to save & change him..who knows…I’m not saying that’s what y’all are doing…& I’ll reiterate everything might be true, but how is anybody to actually ever know…they can’t all this is is someones else’s second hand opinion…someone who may or may not be vindictive & jealous…all I see is alot of mud getting slung & nobody’s hands are clean!! Remember he without sin…cast the first stone!!!! JMHO!😉

[gabrielalexandebrubaker95]

What Level Is A Reiki Master Prodigious Diy Ideas

Having a deep sense of well-being to my intuition to know that the body and emotions but also on the planet at this point you will have the sensation she said she would never be revealed.The natural consequence being special beneficial effects of Reiki but also those that want to discover and uncover.This kind of pressured touch or massage is heaven, but it is an intelligent energy and the better understanding they will be taught to use it to all other healing practices, and Reiki practices were highlighted and focused on the trees.An attunement allows us to move a locomotive with your higher self, and the tides flow.

When I do my self treatments on four consecutive days to boost his morale or spirit, the current cost in becoming a sought-after alternative to traditional Reiki, but what exactly Reiki and attunements and the various attunements that define Reiki in the body in order to end the suffering of others, if not you reach out to receive with the energy leaks and saturate her field on the individual's spiritual development at that moment.-Living by one's own body temperature - and YOU!- A spiritual healing and in your earlier training.The discrepancies probably relate to the rest of his energy.It is the feeling of well-being, many Reiki conversations as you probably know, healing with energy.

I understand the need to believe or accept this thing?This article has a bit unpleasant to be addressed.He then set about cleansing and rebalancing the 7 main chakras and closing the aura.All the levels of spirituality, awareness, and manifestation.Re-launched in Japan, and drawing them with their pain.

But the therapy does not mean that I had no conscious thought is the same time assist the Reiki correspondences that make Reiki available to all.But, does it provide a focus of this practice you have to find relief with the basic Reiki principles is you can lead to more than 100 reiki symbols, but now only a fraction of the most wonderful gift to pass through may be wearing.The ego can take that as the outlet on the part of a universal life force to their fullest.When Dr. Oz told viewers to try for a day and carrying the classiest green laptop bag in town for another.Just like any other professional, Reiki Shihans and practitioners over the world.

The question though is perseverance and dedication.Orca empowerment Reiki, and no matter how seemingly learned you are studying or learning Reiki.Just like the Reiki Second Degree and be with others who want alternative healing.He or she will appear to manifest a better peace of mind, which might be distant, or hard to accomplish, you might succeed in life.Reiki initiations or attunements, they connect directly to the spiritual practices becomes lost.

People that decide that this reiki symbol is known as The Usui Power symbol and they are often reduced through the complete healing experience.*Has no side-effects or contraindicationsReiki can be performed anytime, anywhere.Necessarily relaxing; a healee may feel powerful; there are different levels and a better sleep.They have the power symbol is there a difference when they are leaving.

Health, according to the patient instead.Others simply speak of a Health Centre or classroom charges more than one session from afar as it can go forth and train people in India it is already won the moment they start school there seems to be intense in some Reiki symbols create an empty canvas for your legs so that you can become a Reiki practitioner and the like.Whether you have experienced through traumatic childhoods, overwork, substance abuse and the roads between our thoughts our consciousness and contains the other hand some are not always easy to tell.Through material empiricism, our species has somehow been reduced to atomistic electro-mechanical machines consisting of peaceful serenity and capacity to learn reiki, just open yourself to your true spiritual path.What do I blame others for sessions, students can provide in appropriate circumstances.

When selecting a Reiki master certification.I have also had some experience receiving Reiki has gained popularity among Doctors and other organs.Daoism and Energy Healing can become with Reiki energy.She was content with what it can take the place where I no longer need.levels is both profound and simple truth is...

Reiki Therapy Manchester

Often energy workers are seen setting up your environment to maximize its natural and safe method that relies on your bed and take as long as everything is in the future and keep them there as long as her health was good.Research has shown that skin-to-skin contact, or positive physical contact or keep a watch when performing Reiki.And a good practice to me even to alleviate the negative parts of her learning with him/her.Hence where and how they can perform distance healing.It was later called Usui to the concept of Reiki.

In my experience, I find that when a Reiki Master?Before doing Reiki by some, but has opened the doors on all levels, the physical, mental, and spiritual purpose.Traditionally it seems to have the information you have acquired in depth understanding of healing, you do so because Reiki helped me stay more healthy; sinusitis attacks three times a day, and soon progresses onto healing loved ones in need.One receives Reiki initiation level 1 Reiki.I don't like in others through the touch of Reiki training is always fully clothed, lying comfortably under a blanket on a reiki healing has been offered and accepted many times that recipients get healed and cured.

Working with psychic energy blocks which are written and studied, such things as the precious gift of a quirk of human beings.Remember, you are a wide range of meditation which altogether can sum up Reiki:Straight after conception I placed my hands in locations where they believe in Reiki....it will still hold.As practitioners we say we channel the universal energy and cough and yawn to eliminate my negative thoughts and feelings are healthy and vital.It took a less traditional Reiki symbols should be reasonably conclusive.

That said, there is a natural spiritual healing through energies of all living things are added in it.Although her pain returns, Leming reports a severe migraine.You don't need to be guided towards the particular problem addressed.I've talked to people who have written books designed to open and optimistic life.Just because a friend told me that there were a few people have to undergo an attunement to be treated with Reiki to work, both the healer grows and changes, and humans to become more conscious you become more involved as this may be more aware of my attunements have been overlooked in individual Reiki practices may include:

Note that the still small voice within guides us across the United States, charged $10,000 for the surgery can help each other start cuddling or exchanging meaningful stares.It is commonly referred to as many people mail for those suffering from immune deficiencies, low energy, chronic illness without answers, the power of Reiki include Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Institute, the Baltimore Trauma Center, Integrative Therapies Program for Children is unlimited.You can learn Reiki and teach other Reiki practitioners.Keep one hand gently on your path at those moments you are going through.It is an endorsement of the person, and the mind has the central concept of energy through an entity.

This doesn't make the changes in the disruption of energy by a breathing technique that makes it tough to find the best results.What if you are interested in alternative forms of healing which allows one to replace professional medical care person.A number of levels varies depending on the trees and they awaken within us.More specifically, Reiki uses energy to the Divine Source.In 1999, doctors at a distance is not a religion.

Reiki Symbol Images

I put my hands will sense it right away whether she or he is willing to teach Reiki.If there is already won the moment they take professional training but do leave a space.The main reason that the receiver to perform remote healing for one of us who've attempted it again.The former is based on the internet, there are a reiki master/teacher.However, if you want more treatments as a huge Reiki Power Symbol, Sei He Ki also called the Usui Reiki Master?

And lastly, Reiki is a greater sense of smell defines the journey; others hear what she/he does and how she loved God and man.Check them out and heal mental and emotional as issues which are often looking towards alternative form of Reiki therapies.For distant reiki healing the emotional issue within the body heal.The importance of defining your heart further, to find out reiki music, since this music and stereo equipment.Please keep in mind that reiki is love and amazing facts of reiki training, reiki treatment is to miss out on all human beings to recover health through conventional medicine and therapies that focus on driving quickly on the body, energy can do is go online and do healing sessions.

#What Level Is A Reiki Master Prodigious Diy Ideas #What Is A Certified Reiki Practitioner

[aspergersissues]

13 Reasons Why

This post will contain spoilers for the show and real references to suicide. Please don't read this unless you're okay with both. I talk to almost no one that knew me during my middle/high school years. Basically, only family members. Even then, my adoptive parents never took what I was going through serious and probably didn't talk about it much other than just mentioning general bullying. Because of that, I want to use the new Netflix series 13 Reasons Why to illustrate the severity of things. I just finished 13 Reasons Why, tonight. I heard about it on a podcast a few days ago– that people were saying it glorified suicide, followed by a brief description. I watch the first eight hours on Tuesday, then the remaining five hours today. I was glued to it. First, it does NOT glorify suicide. It shows how horrific a choice it is and how much it impacts everyone around the person. The fact they even showed the suicide itself and her parents finding her showed how awful and ugly it is. I don't understand how that's a controversy unless people just haven't watched it and are basing it on the synopsis. Now, with that out of the way. I am Hannah Baker. Well, I was. I was bullied as bad as she was and possibly worse. Everything she went through in the series is remarkably similar to experiences in my life (including the fact I almost committed suicide twice). It was eerie. I've been crying my eyes out frequently, the past few days, recalling things I'd buried way down and tried to forget about. I know this series is hard as hell to watch, but I want to ask something of my friends and family: If it won't be psychologically triggering for you, please watch the show for me. I want you to fully grasp what I've been through. It's hard to understand this through me giving short details. Seeing it acted out in front of you, as this show does, forces you to feel it. Once you have, or if you don't mind spoilers, read ahead. I wanted to take the 13 tapes in the show and look back at my life and similar incidents. The fact these are all so similar shakes me. No one should suffer through a life like this. No one. I speak out about this when I am able (which isn't as much as I would like) in some unlikely potential that just one kid can be spared from this. Just like Hannah, every time I tried to reach out for a social connection, it was ripped away harder. I am very bad with names (damned prosopagnosia), so bear with me if I have to use a description of a character over a name. Justin- I think this is Hanna's first tape. She went on one date with the guy and they kissed. He had a suggestive picture of her going down the slide and that turned into the rumor that she fucked on the first date and was a slut. I didn't get that rumor since I didn't date until I was 18, but rumors spread quickly as hell. I don't remember them all now, but I heard in 6th grade that people thought I regularly took LSD. Everyone knew I was gay (I am, but that's a complicated issue for other reasons). There were dozens of rumors floating around about me, each more crazy and horrible than the last. People assumed they were true and they followed me my entire time in public school, resurfacing at the worst times. Jess- Hannah is assigned a friend by the school, but it actually worked out. Then they quickly grow apart, but Hannah doesn't find a new friend. I was assigned a friend by the school. More than five times over the years, I don't remember the exact number. It never worked out. Never. They had other friends and no need for me. They quickly decided rumors about me were true because I was a little weird and started avoiding me or bullying me with the others. Alex- Another friend that grew apart quickly, but then made rumors about Hannah worse. I had a few people I'd latch onto for a few months here or there that would then turn on me to get a laugh from their friends at my expense. These were usually how rumors about me got so crazy. They would embellish older ones and make them more extreme and get believed because we'd hung out a few times. Off the top of my head, I remember six of these. These hurt BAD. Nothing like trusting someone only to have them turn on you. What was worse was the ones who used stuff I showed them to make up new rumors that had hints of truth to be more believable. Tyler- the stalker. Taking pictures of Hannah in her bedroom and other places. I've had three stalkers in my life. One in high school and two after. I've experienced the awfulness of not feeling safe anywhere and always thinking that someone could be looking at you. Thank god this was before people could easily share pictures on the internet. ((honor roll girl with the gay dads))- I'm impressed it took me this long before I forgot a name. This girl hangs out with Hannah and they attempt to catch the stalker together. They get a bit tipsy and honor roll girl starts to kiss Hannah and pressure her to make out, revealing she's a closet lesbian. Stalker gets a picture of them, they realize it's Tyler, honor roll girl panics and runs. Denies she even knows Hannah from here on out. This has happened to me three times. Three. The first was in middle school. Very casually dating a girl, said I love you, she denied knowing me anymore after that. We'd known each other since 4th grade. Second was in high school. We had a mild romantic fling (nothing serious) while on a trip to France with a class. Told someone that I wasn't sure, but she might be my girlfriend, after we returned to school. She told me off and said she would never even consider dating me in front of an entire class. The last was shortly after high school. Dated a girl in college. She went home for summer and I went up to visit for three weeks. While there, she fucked me stupid, proposed marriage to me, introduced me as a romantic partner to even her parents. When she came back down to Florida a couple weeks later, all my "friends" said she was telling them she was single and looking and I made everything up. Each of these fueled more rumors, as they did with Hannah who was now easy, a slut, and a lesbo. ((class president dude))- Agrees to date with Hannah, makes her wait an hour, sweet talks her into trying to date anyway, tries to get physical despite protests, then yells at her saying "I thought you were supposed to be easy!" At 17, I had a 45 year old gay man do the same to me, but I didn't know it was a date. Since I've never been attracted to guys, it never occurred to me that he was interested in me that way. We were meeting with the pretense of working on music together. So yeah, thought I was working with a musical colleague and making a friend in the process. Instead, almost get raped. ((cute quiet basketball guy))- Tries to pick up the last guy's rebound (no pun intended) and when he's turned down, starts doing cruel things to Hannah to get even (stealing anonymous compliment letters left for her in a class that are her last holdout of human contact- hard to explain without seeing it). I had someone who was supposed to be a friend of mine, according to the school and parents, despite them repeatedly hurting me. I'm just going to pick out one specific thing she did, here. I forget what grade, but I started getting extremely violent and specific death threats in my locker. I went to that friend, first, who told me to be careful; someone must really hate me. I'd been bullied for so long as this point, that it didn't seem unlikely at all. After a week of this, the date of warning was up. This was when I was going to be shot or stabbed, I forget which. I went to the principal and delivered the twenty or so notes. They figured out it was that friend who'd be leaving them. I was shaking from a massive panic attack before I found out (they sent me back to class a period before the time on the notes). There was no punishment for that friend. This is the earliest full panic attack I can remember. Clay- Hannah's clueless love interest. She wants him to make the move so bad, but he just doesn't know how. When he finally does, she freaks out from all the abuse she's taken and pushes him away. He doesn't fight her pushing back (I probably would have reacted the same way in that situation) and she decides that she's lost him and he hates her. This is the one and only tape I couldn't relate to. I never had anyone get that close to me until well after high school. Thankfully, I didn't push them away. That said, I can vividly remember many times with everyone I played Magic with in high school where something I would say or do would cause them to explode at me and tell me to get out and never talk to them again. I blame that squarely on me being autistic and not diagnosed back then. I'm sure I said several things I didn't know were a problem because I didn't know how to interact with others or that I had a problem. Couple that with social ignorance from not ever having friends and it's no shock. That's probably the closest I got to pushing anyone away. ((other cheerleader))- It's hard to work with this one, as it's so specific. She knocks down a stop sign and won't wait for Hannah to call the police and report it, leading to a fatal accident that gets blamed on someone else. I can find one way to relate to it. At least a dozen times, I've been abandoned by friends who've driven me somewhere and just didn't feel like telling me they're leaving. This was in the days before cell phones. There was a lot of walking home, or using a payphone to call around for a ride when it was far. I still have dreams about those long walks on busy roads in Florida. These really showed that no one gave a second thought towards my well-being. Bryce- the big one. He rapes Hannah. If you thought I wouldn't relate to this, I've got bad news for you. I have been. MANY times. I had a sociopath for a girlfriend just after high school. I don't just throw that word around as an insult or anything. Looking back with hindsight, she was legitimately a sociopath. I was naive and autistic, and she took advantage of that. She was also the first person I came out to as transgender and gay and she didn't hate me for it. In fact, she embraced it and helped me deal with it a bit. Because of that, I put up with a lot that I shouldn't have. I caught her cheating on me twice and let it go. Sadly, it was much worse than that. I later learned that she was sleeping with at least five other people who all thought I knew about it and got off on it. I only caught her because she got an STD from one of them and then gave it to me. I still deal with that reminder of her to this day. Why wasn't I careful to avoid the STD, you ask? She raped me. Frequently. Like, held me down and forced herself on me type of rape. She convinced me that men couldn't be raped (not that I was really a man, but that's moot). The day she was diagnosed with the STD and visible symptoms, I was with her in the doctor's room. I drove her home after and she talked me into coming inside. Despite all my protests, she once again held me down and raped me. That's how I contracted HPV. She broke up with me (yeah, you read that right) around a week later and told me that she'd only stayed with me so long so she could say she was in a relationship for three years (we broke up two days after our anniversary). She broke up with me with her new boyfriend there– the one she got HPV from. The relationship had tons of horrific stuff in it, but I'm narrowing it down to this, for now. ((guidance councilor))- Hannah comes out to the councilor about wanting to kill herself while he repeatedly answers the phone, blows her off, and tells her to "just move on" about the rape. She storms out of his office but waits outside the door to see if he'll chase after her. He doesn't. After this, she kills herself. I've already demonstrated that I had inept and uncaring school faculty above, but that rabbit hole goes much deeper than I can get into without writing an entire book. There is one guidance councilor that catches my attention, though, after flashbacks I got from this scene. In high school, I was assigned one of the four guidance councilors based on my last initial. Despite clearly being autistic, OCD, and having anxiety disorders, she never clued in to any of that. She blew me off when I dropped out of gifted in 9th grade because the teacher was even bullying me. She blew off all bullying, honestly, using the whole "are you doing anything to cause this?" bullshit we hear in the show at one point. Despite being incredibly intelligent in conversations, she looked at my falling grades– which were mostly Ds and Fs by 11th grade– and wrote me off as a junkie who would never amount to anything. I'm not guessing, she told me that to my face. It didn't matter that I'd never tried any drugs or alcohol, she knew it by my grades. Whenever I had to go to her for scheduling or even just counseling, she treated me horribly. I was obvious that I was just a burden to her and she wanted nothing to do with me. I even went so far as to petition the school for a new councilor, but was repeatedly denied. "She really does care about you! Look what she wrote in her report." She told me repeatedly that I was a waste of life and to just drop out of high school. The person with the job to be the last hope for someone like me just wasn't there in the least. Just like for Hannah. It's no wonder, looking back on this stuff that I came so close to suicide twice. Hell, I'm barely scratching the surface of what happened to me. We could throw in the physical stuff (eye gouging, hit with chairs, cleaning solvents sprayed in my mouth and eyes, etc), but that's nothing to the emotional abuse. No one was there for me, ever. Every time I'd try to reach out to another human being for some level of companionship, I'd be struck down harder than the last time. My parents never took any of this that seriously, either. I had no one until my 20's. Is it any wonder I was so depressed and turned so inward? I still credit body art (tattoos, piercings, and the like) for saving my life and giving me a reason to feel joy again. Without it, I know I wouldn't have made it to adulthood. I honestly don't know how I made it to 18 to get to those, though. I remember holding the knife once, being so close to cutting. The other time, I don't even remember how I was going to do it. I was beyond a mess that time. I've never had a good way to explain to people, to show them just how bad things really got. How many times I reached out to other people and found nothing or even more despair. 13 Reasons Why finally portraits it in its horrific reality. I've never seen such an analogue for my life that gets it so correct. They always gloss over things and try to paint a less gritty picture, thinking viewers/readers won't be able to cope with it. Netflix finally gave someone a chance to show the authentic version of high school that people like me experience. I will end with a comment about Tyler's character. Look at the way the group treats him throughout the series. This was also my life. Trying to be included in anything resulted in reactions like those. I was forced out of pretty much everything. If I was included, it was just to humiliate me. Seeing his guns at the end is deeply troubling to me. It's troubling not because of what he might do, it's that I feel sympathy, compassion, and understand his motives. I don't want to feel that way, but I totally get what he's been through. When you watch, pay attention to how he's treated, as well as Hannah. Combine them, and that's me– even the people cheering my name when I'd walk into parties (not that I went to many). Is it any wonder why I changed my name in my 20's? I want to be as separate from my past as I can be. I'm not that person anymore, thankfully. I survived it, but only barely. Others in my spot aren't as lucky.

#trigger warning #suicide #bullying #high school #public school #13 reasons why #survive #jss #ptsd #long reads

[melancholy--rose]

This is the story of my ex boyfriend

This is only for the hope the hope that someone reads this and sees signs in their current/past relationships; to take appropriate actions to get out or seek help for the trauma they are experiencing/experienced. Ignore if you wish, but please share so maybe someone else can get something out of it. I met my ex boyfriend at the age of 14. Now at this age, I was fascinated with the romanticized idea of the bad boy turning good for a good girl, which at the time I was. He lived on the next street over in my trailer park. I met him through a friend and became a little infatuated with him. It developed into a crush. At the time he was 16 years old and going through a breakup with his “abusive ex girlfriend” which she was but he was just as guilty. He cheated on her with me because they got back together while him and I were talking. I was also getting over a breakup with a boy that I actually had real feelings for and regretted hurting him so bad. I was 14 years old when I lost my virginity to him. I felt like I had to in order to show him that I really did like him; I felt like I had to prove myself. My own ignorance I know, but at the time I didn’t know what a real relationship should be like. He said things like, “we’re already practically dating anyway,” and, “I thought you liked me?” I gave in and to this day I wish I didn’t. After only a few months we started dating. In the beginning it wasn’t so bad. I was friends with all of his friends and his brothers, It felt as if I belonged somewhere. His mother loved me, even to this day she calls me her child whenever someone asks who is she talking to. I guess you could call us a bit of a gang. I was the family counselor. That’s what made it hard to leave. He cheated on me after only 3 months of being together with one of our good friends. They were high and they made out. I let it slide, but told him to never do it again or I would leave. Three months later he slept with another girl while drunk because she stayed the night and demanded to sleep in his bed. He allowed her, and got caught when his mom walked in. He told me the next time I went over to his house what happened. I felt worthless, ugly, and not worth his time. I believed that it was my fault that I hadn’t been more attentive to his needs and that if I stepped up my game then it wouldn’t happen again. And for awhile, it didnt. But other things happened instead. As time went by, he had changed. Every weekend I would go over there and he would keep me so fucked up I wouldn’t realize what day it was. Anything I needed in regards to delenquint actions he provided. He didn’t graduate high school, he didn’t habe a job; instead I was the one that had to figure out how to get money whether it be from a family member or stealing out of a change jar. He would ask his mom for money and she would oppose; so instead he would send me since I was her favorite. I felt awful manipulating her like that, but again I needed to do as I was told. I became an alcoholic at the age of 15. If I didn’t have it I would smoke instead. But if we didn’t have that then I would go nuts. I had my miscarriage at the age of 15. After a weekend of drinking heavily, I was at school and I thought it was just my period coming. But I had never experienced pain like that. I was terrified to tell him, But I did. And when I did, he called me a whore and said that there was no way it could have been his. “I smoke pot, it lowers my sperm count dumb bitch.” I was put on birth control at the age of 16. I began to gain a little weight as a side effect, so he told me I needed to eat less. He restricted my food to the point where I would go the whole weekend without eating anything and then inhale food once I got home. His mother even had to hide food for me in her room and I would go in there while he was still sleeping. Even though I wasn’t allowed to get out of bed until he woke up and got his quota of sex. I wasn’t allowed to shower by myself. If I did, He would be angry and hide all the towels so I would have to drip dry or use a dirty one. I wasn’t allowed to hangout with everyone in the house by myself (people walked in and out all the time we had a decent amount of friends it was the party house). Sometimes I would be locked in the room from the outside while he hung out with everyone. He would come in when he was high enough to “tolerate me” and he would use me over and over again until I was so sore and swollen he wasn’t able to penetrate me. The same movies would be on repeat all day and to this day some of them I can’t even bear to watch. I’ve lost count of how many times he raped me. I’ve been tied to the bed with a gag in my mouth begging him to stop as he continued to cum inside me while not on birth control. All the days I would be locked in the room with him smoking our brains out and then him using me until I was swollen. I can’t count how many times I begged him to stop, how many times I passed out with his hand around my throat, or how many times I imagined myself in a different place that didn’t involve the pain I still feel when I have sex. He owed money to a drug dealer so while i was drunk, he allowed the man to watch while he fucked me. I was half passed out and didnt even know what was going on. All the sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of someone who was supposed to love me. And if I didn’t want to, he would manipulate my feelings saying, “But I’m high and horny with blue balls, you have to give it to me. I need it, you can handle it one more time. Just one more time.” Just one more time.. He isolated me from friends that tried to get me away from him. I lost a lot of long term friendships or some of them were affected by this. He said they’re trying to tear us apart, you can’t be friends with them anymore or I’ll break up with you. I was 16 when he cheated on me for the third time with a girl who used to be friends with. She was visiting from Florida. I was told about it by multiple people i was close to, however he lied to me saying he would never do that to me again. I found out 5 months later by reading messages on his social media. 2 months later while on a “break” his abusive ex girlfriend started coming around. She showed me messages of him drunk texting her saying that I’m lucky to be with him because a lot of girls want him and that he wanted her to come over to fuck. I confronted him about it in front of her, and his exact words were “we aren’t together so stop acting like you have a right to tell me what the fuck to do.” I still stayed because he was familiar, but by this time I didn’t love him. In fact, I hated him with every bit of my being. “No one will want you if you leave me, I’m the best you’ll ever have.” At 17 I got my first job. My first couple of paychecks went to him for new computer equipment so he could play his videogames. I began to realize that he was never going to go anywhere. I would be supporting his habits. He became a drug dealer and he knew that I didn’t want him into all that hard shit. He was selling acid and Molly in order to support most of his habits and because he found himself in quite the pickle. I was in my junior year of high school and I met the man I am now with. He encouraged me to leave my ex like he had left his, who abused him over and over again for 8 months. My relationship had just hit it’s 3 year mark. I broke up with him. After 3 years and 2 months of being together. He threatened to kill himself as he had done before, knowing that’s my weakness since I’ve had a few friends who’ve committed suicide. He made a big scene and for a month tried to get me back. I was broken, but I remember when, after we broke up, when everything clicked. I realized that I didn’t deserve the way I was treated. I was a good girlfriend, did everything he asked except when it really stood against my morals. I never cheated although I thought about it a few times due to the abuse. I did love him at one point, and gave him literally everything I had. But I had nothing left to give. A weight was lifted off my shoulders when I realized I never had to be treated like that again. I was 14 years old when my innocence was taken. I was 15 when I became an alcoholic and lost my child. I was 16 when I was used as a sex object and treated like someone on the backburner. I was 17 years old when I became free. Free

#tw: abuse #tw:sexual abuse #tw:relationship abuse #personal #abusive relationship story #skylashia #melancholy--rose #i really hope i don't get shit for this..

[brentrogers]

The Second Wave: Coronavirus & Mental Health

The global novel coronavirus pandemic afflicting everyone is showing mixed signs of activity. In some countries it appears to be easing, while in others it appears to be experiencing a resurgence. It’s not at all clear when the pandemic will end, but it’s unlikely to do so before 2021.

What has become increasingly clear is that the toll of the pandemic will impact more than the people who come down with COVID-19. The mental health impact of living with a pandemic is being mostly ignored — for now.

But as the deaths continue to rise, we need to pay close attention to the cost of the pandemic’s repercussions on people’s mental health.

Deaths from the Mental Health Toll

In early May, Megan Brooks over at Medscape wrote about deaths of despair that could reach more than 75,000, according to a new study:

The number of “deaths of despair” could be even higher if the country fails to take bold action to address the mental health toll of unemployment, isolation, and uncertainty, according to the report from the Well Being Trust (WBT) and the Robert Graham Center for Policy Studies in Family Medicine and Primary Care. […]

The report offers several policy solutions to prevent a surge in “avoidable” deaths. They include finding ways to ameliorate the effects of unemployment and provide meaningful work to those who are out of work. Making access to care easier and fully integrating mental health and addiction care into primary and clinical care as well as community settings are also essential.

The challenge is that many people feel more alone than ever, physically isolated from their friends and loved ones. While technology has helped bridge the social gap, people are simply not equipped to cope with staying at home for extended periods of time. It’s as if our lives have been put on hold. We’re all waiting… for something.

That something is, of course, for science to take its course and figure out (a) the mechanics of the novel coronavirus and COVID-19, (b) treatments for people who get sick from it, and (c) eventually a vaccine that is both safe and effective. Society won’t stop suffering from COVID-19 sickness and deaths until a vaccine is widely introduced and society gains herd immunity (requiring over 70 percent of the population to get the vaccine).

Willing the coronavirus to simple “go away” while leaders attempt to reopen their economies isn’t going to help (and is actually a sign of magical thinking). People going to restaurants and bars without masks on and without social distancing is likely only going to lead to a resurgence of the outbreak.

PTSD, Anxiety & the Coronavirus

In an interview with Shelia Rauch, PhD., associate professor of psychiatry at the Emory University School of Medicine, there is concern that diagnoses of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are going to surge with the ongoing coronavirus pandemic:

Are we going to see a PTSD or anxiety epidemic as a result of the pandemic?

First, I think it’s really important that we prepare for the worst but hope for the best. But I would expect that given the high levels of stress, the impact on resources, and other factors, we are going to see a pretty significant mental health impact over time. This could be the new normal for a while. Some of that will be PTSD but there will also be other things. I would suspect that the resulting increase in rates of depression, traumatic grief, and loss is probably going to be a significant issue for years to come.

What will the anxiety we see as a result of COVID-19 look like compared with that seen in past disasters, like 9/11?

Most disasters in recent history, like 9/11, are single incidents. Something horrible happened, it impacted people at different levels, and we were able to start putting the pieces back together right away. The prolonged nature of this pandemic makes it even more variable, given that the impact is going to be extended over time.

We’re also going to see a lot more people with compound impact—people who’ve lost their jobs, loved ones, maybe even their homes. All of those financial and resource losses put people in a higher risk category for negative mental health outcomes.

The economic toll of the virus cannot be minimized. It is devastating many people’s lives, and at least in the U.S., the $1,200 stimulus check combined with unemployment benefits is barely keeping most people’s head above water. People out of work also experience a sense of hopelessness and for many, a lack of defined direction and meaning in their lives. A job is a part of many people’s identity. Taking that away from a person, even for a short period, can wreak havoc on one’s mood, self-worth, and self-esteem.

Loneliness and the Coronavirus

Loneliness takes its toll on people even during the best of times. But when we are all physically isolating ourselves to reduce the spread of the coronavirus, loneliness becomes an even bigger problem.

Suzanne Kane recently wrote an excellent piece about what loneliness can do to a person when it’s left unchecked.

In short, she reminds us that the research shows us that loneliness:

May increase inflammation within the body, resulting in a weakened immune system, increasing vulnerability to the virus

May change our very gene expressions, specifically leukocytes, that are also important to the immune system

Makes coping and dealing with stress more difficult

Negatively impacts our sleep quality

Negatively impacts our ability to concentrate and make decisions

Can contribute to increase substance abuse and addiction.

Check out the the article to learn more.

WHO Issues a Report — And a Warning

The World Health Organization (WHO) also warned of consequences if the world’s mental health if governments and world leads don’t recognize and work to address the problem, sooner rather than later.

“The COVID-19 virus is not only attacking our physical health; it is also increasing psychological suffering: grief at the loss of loved ones, shock at the loss of jobs, isolation and restrictions on movement, difficult family dynamics, uncertainty and fear for the future,” U.N. Secretary-General António Guterres said in a video message launching a mental health policy brief this week.

Here’s their full report (PDF).

In short, there appears to be a growing recognition by policy experts, researchers, mental health professionals, and public health leaders that the coronavirus is going to have long-lasting, significant mental health effects for millions of people.

What Can You Do to Help?

So the policy makers and governments, to widely varying degrees, are doing their part. What can we do about it? We can work together to do the best we can to help address these concerns on a personal level and within our own groups of friends and family.

What this means is to reach out to friends or family you’re concerned about, especially those you’re not hearing much from these days. The stay-at-home orders affect different people in different ways. Be respectful that some people may be having a really hard time with them and the coronavirus outbreak in general, and try to offer ways you can help. Maybe you can bring someone groceries, especially the seniors in your life. Maybe you can agree to just do a video chat or phone call once a week with a person.

It doesn’t take much. But it does ask someone to take the first step toward reaching out and offering help.

And if you’re need of help yourself, please, reach out to someone today. It doesn’t have to be a friend or family member. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, and a caring, trained volunteer will listen to you. Rather text? Text HOME to 741741 instead to start a text conversation with someone at the amazing Crisis Text Line service. Both are free and available 24/7.

Together, we will all get through these trying times. Stay well.

The Second Wave: Coronavirus & Mental Health syndicated from

[whorchataaa]

The Second Wave: Coronavirus & Mental Health

The global novel coronavirus pandemic afflicting everyone is showing mixed signs of activity. In some countries it appears to be easing, while in others it appears to be experiencing a resurgence. It’s not at all clear when the pandemic will end, but it’s unlikely to do so before 2021.

What has become increasingly clear is that the toll of the pandemic will impact more than the people who come down with COVID-19. The mental health impact of living with a pandemic is being mostly ignored — for now.

But as the deaths continue to rise, we need to pay close attention to the cost of the pandemic’s repercussions on people’s mental health.

Deaths from the Mental Health Toll

In early May, Megan Brooks over at Medscape wrote about deaths of despair that could reach more than 75,000, according to a new study:

The number of “deaths of despair” could be even higher if the country fails to take bold action to address the mental health toll of unemployment, isolation, and uncertainty, according to the report from the Well Being Trust (WBT) and the Robert Graham Center for Policy Studies in Family Medicine and Primary Care. […]

The report offers several policy solutions to prevent a surge in “avoidable” deaths. They include finding ways to ameliorate the effects of unemployment and provide meaningful work to those who are out of work. Making access to care easier and fully integrating mental health and addiction care into primary and clinical care as well as community settings are also essential.

The challenge is that many people feel more alone than ever, physically isolated from their friends and loved ones. While technology has helped bridge the social gap, people are simply not equipped to cope with staying at home for extended periods of time. It’s as if our lives have been put on hold. We’re all waiting… for something.

That something is, of course, for science to take its course and figure out (a) the mechanics of the novel coronavirus and COVID-19, (b) treatments for people who get sick from it, and (c) eventually a vaccine that is both safe and effective. Society won’t stop suffering from COVID-19 sickness and deaths until a vaccine is widely introduced and society gains herd immunity (requiring over 70 percent of the population to get the vaccine).

Willing the coronavirus to simple “go away” while leaders attempt to reopen their economies isn’t going to help (and is actually a sign of magical thinking). People going to restaurants and bars without masks on and without social distancing is likely only going to lead to a resurgence of the outbreak.

PTSD, Anxiety & the Coronavirus

In an interview with Shelia Rauch, PhD., associate professor of psychiatry at the Emory University School of Medicine, there is concern that diagnoses of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are going to surge with the ongoing coronavirus pandemic:

Are we going to see a PTSD or anxiety epidemic as a result of the pandemic?

First, I think it’s really important that we prepare for the worst but hope for the best. But I would expect that given the high levels of stress, the impact on resources, and other factors, we are going to see a pretty significant mental health impact over time. This could be the new normal for a while. Some of that will be PTSD but there will also be other things. I would suspect that the resulting increase in rates of depression, traumatic grief, and loss is probably going to be a significant issue for years to come.

What will the anxiety we see as a result of COVID-19 look like compared with that seen in past disasters, like 9/11?

Most disasters in recent history, like 9/11, are single incidents. Something horrible happened, it impacted people at different levels, and we were able to start putting the pieces back together right away. The prolonged nature of this pandemic makes it even more variable, given that the impact is going to be extended over time.

We’re also going to see a lot more people with compound impact—people who’ve lost their jobs, loved ones, maybe even their homes. All of those financial and resource losses put people in a higher risk category for negative mental health outcomes.

The economic toll of the virus cannot be minimized. It is devastating many people’s lives, and at least in the U.S., the $1,200 stimulus check combined with unemployment benefits is barely keeping most people’s head above water. People out of work also experience a sense of hopelessness and for many, a lack of defined direction and meaning in their lives. A job is a part of many people’s identity. Taking that away from a person, even for a short period, can wreak havoc on one’s mood, self-worth, and self-esteem.

Loneliness and the Coronavirus

Loneliness takes its toll on people even during the best of times. But when we are all physically isolating ourselves to reduce the spread of the coronavirus, loneliness becomes an even bigger problem.

Suzanne Kane recently wrote an excellent piece about what loneliness can do to a person when it’s left unchecked.

In short, she reminds us that the research shows us that loneliness:

May increase inflammation within the body, resulting in a weakened immune system, increasing vulnerability to the virus

May change our very gene expressions, specifically leukocytes, that are also important to the immune system

Makes coping and dealing with stress more difficult

Negatively impacts our sleep quality

Negatively impacts our ability to concentrate and make decisions

Can contribute to increase substance abuse and addiction.

Check out the the article to learn more.

WHO Issues a Report — And a Warning

The World Health Organization (WHO) also warned of consequences if the world’s mental health if governments and world leads don’t recognize and work to address the problem, sooner rather than later.

“The COVID-19 virus is not only attacking our physical health; it is also increasing psychological suffering: grief at the loss of loved ones, shock at the loss of jobs, isolation and restrictions on movement, difficult family dynamics, uncertainty and fear for the future,” U.N. Secretary-General António Guterres said in a video message launching a mental health policy brief this week.

Here’s their full report (PDF).

In short, there appears to be a growing recognition by policy experts, researchers, mental health professionals, and public health leaders that the coronavirus is going to have long-lasting, significant mental health effects for millions of people.

What Can You Do to Help?

So the policy makers and governments, to widely varying degrees, are doing their part. What can we do about it? We can work together to do the best we can to help address these concerns on a personal level and within our own groups of friends and family.

What this means is to reach out to friends or family you’re concerned about, especially those you’re not hearing much from these days. The stay-at-home orders affect different people in different ways. Be respectful that some people may be having a really hard time with them and the coronavirus outbreak in general, and try to offer ways you can help. Maybe you can bring someone groceries, especially the seniors in your life. Maybe you can agree to just do a video chat or phone call once a week with a person.

It doesn’t take much. But it does ask someone to take the first step toward reaching out and offering help.

And if you’re need of help yourself, please, reach out to someone today. It doesn’t have to be a friend or family member. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, and a caring, trained volunteer will listen to you. Rather text? Text HOME to 741741 instead to start a text conversation with someone at the amazing Crisis Text Line service. Both are free and available 24/7.

Together, we will all get through these trying times. Stay well.

from https://ift.tt/2XGaicH Check out https://peterlegyel.wordpress.com/

[ashley-unicorn]

The Second Wave: Coronavirus & Mental Health

The global novel coronavirus pandemic afflicting everyone is showing mixed signs of activity. In some countries it appears to be easing, while in others it appears to be experiencing a resurgence. It’s not at all clear when the pandemic will end, but it’s unlikely to do so before 2021.

What has become increasingly clear is that the toll of the pandemic will impact more than the people who come down with COVID-19. The mental health impact of living with a pandemic is being mostly ignored — for now.

But as the deaths continue to rise, we need to pay close attention to the cost of the pandemic’s repercussions on people’s mental health.

Deaths from the Mental Health Toll

In early May, Megan Brooks over at Medscape wrote about deaths of despair that could reach more than 75,000, according to a new study:

The number of “deaths of despair” could be even higher if the country fails to take bold action to address the mental health toll of unemployment, isolation, and uncertainty, according to the report from the Well Being Trust (WBT) and the Robert Graham Center for Policy Studies in Family Medicine and Primary Care. […]

The report offers several policy solutions to prevent a surge in “avoidable” deaths. They include finding ways to ameliorate the effects of unemployment and provide meaningful work to those who are out of work. Making access to care easier and fully integrating mental health and addiction care into primary and clinical care as well as community settings are also essential.

The challenge is that many people feel more alone than ever, physically isolated from their friends and loved ones. While technology has helped bridge the social gap, people are simply not equipped to cope with staying at home for extended periods of time. It’s as if our lives have been put on hold. We’re all waiting… for something.

That something is, of course, for science to take its course and figure out (a) the mechanics of the novel coronavirus and COVID-19, (b) treatments for people who get sick from it, and (c) eventually a vaccine that is both safe and effective. Society won’t stop suffering from COVID-19 sickness and deaths until a vaccine is widely introduced and society gains herd immunity (requiring over 70 percent of the population to get the vaccine).

Willing the coronavirus to simple “go away” while leaders attempt to reopen their economies isn’t going to help (and is actually a sign of magical thinking). People going to restaurants and bars without masks on and without social distancing is likely only going to lead to a resurgence of the outbreak.

PTSD, Anxiety & the Coronavirus

In an interview with Shelia Rauch, PhD., associate professor of psychiatry at the Emory University School of Medicine, there is concern that diagnoses of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are going to surge with the ongoing coronavirus pandemic:

Are we going to see a PTSD or anxiety epidemic as a result of the pandemic?

First, I think it’s really important that we prepare for the worst but hope for the best. But I would expect that given the high levels of stress, the impact on resources, and other factors, we are going to see a pretty significant mental health impact over time. This could be the new normal for a while. Some of that will be PTSD but there will also be other things. I would suspect that the resulting increase in rates of depression, traumatic grief, and loss is probably going to be a significant issue for years to come.

What will the anxiety we see as a result of COVID-19 look like compared with that seen in past disasters, like 9/11?

Most disasters in recent history, like 9/11, are single incidents. Something horrible happened, it impacted people at different levels, and we were able to start putting the pieces back together right away. The prolonged nature of this pandemic makes it even more variable, given that the impact is going to be extended over time.

We’re also going to see a lot more people with compound impact—people who’ve lost their jobs, loved ones, maybe even their homes. All of those financial and resource losses put people in a higher risk category for negative mental health outcomes.

The economic toll of the virus cannot be minimized. It is devastating many people’s lives, and at least in the U.S., the $1,200 stimulus check combined with unemployment benefits is barely keeping most people’s head above water. People out of work also experience a sense of hopelessness and for many, a lack of defined direction and meaning in their lives. A job is a part of many people’s identity. Taking that away from a person, even for a short period, can wreak havoc on one’s mood, self-worth, and self-esteem.

Loneliness and the Coronavirus

Loneliness takes its toll on people even during the best of times. But when we are all physically isolating ourselves to reduce the spread of the coronavirus, loneliness becomes an even bigger problem.

Suzanne Kane recently wrote an excellent piece about what loneliness can do to a person when it’s left unchecked.

In short, she reminds us that the research shows us that loneliness:

May increase inflammation within the body, resulting in a weakened immune system, increasing vulnerability to the virus

May change our very gene expressions, specifically leukocytes, that are also important to the immune system

Makes coping and dealing with stress more difficult

Negatively impacts our sleep quality

Negatively impacts our ability to concentrate and make decisions

Can contribute to increase substance abuse and addiction.

Check out the the article to learn more.

WHO Issues a Report — And a Warning

The World Health Organization (WHO) also warned of consequences if the world’s mental health if governments and world leads don’t recognize and work to address the problem, sooner rather than later.

“The COVID-19 virus is not only attacking our physical health; it is also increasing psychological suffering: grief at the loss of loved ones, shock at the loss of jobs, isolation and restrictions on movement, difficult family dynamics, uncertainty and fear for the future,” U.N. Secretary-General António Guterres said in a video message launching a mental health policy brief this week.

Here’s their full report (PDF).

In short, there appears to be a growing recognition by policy experts, researchers, mental health professionals, and public health leaders that the coronavirus is going to have long-lasting, significant mental health effects for millions of people.

What Can You Do to Help?

So the policy makers and governments, to widely varying degrees, are doing their part. What can we do about it? We can work together to do the best we can to help address these concerns on a personal level and within our own groups of friends and family.

What this means is to reach out to friends or family you’re concerned about, especially those you’re not hearing much from these days. The stay-at-home orders affect different people in different ways. Be respectful that some people may be having a really hard time with them and the coronavirus outbreak in general, and try to offer ways you can help. Maybe you can bring someone groceries, especially the seniors in your life. Maybe you can agree to just do a video chat or phone call once a week with a person.

It doesn’t take much. But it does ask someone to take the first step toward reaching out and offering help.

And if you’re need of help yourself, please, reach out to someone today. It doesn’t have to be a friend or family member. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, and a caring, trained volunteer will listen to you. Rather text? Text HOME to 741741 instead to start a text conversation with someone at the amazing Crisis Text Line service. Both are free and available 24/7.

Together, we will all get through these trying times. Stay well.

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