#like yes yes there are bad people on every side blah blah blah

[tavarillasgalen]

it’s forever devastating to me that so many elriel artists have been bullied into deleting their accounts, archiving their elriel pieces, and simply not drawing elriel anymore due to the massive amounts of hate they get for it. 

fandom is supposed to be fun, but so many people have been driven away, people who just minded their business and drew what they liked. but since they didn’t cater to ‘all sides’, people couldn’t just accept that, but had to comment demands for the g ship or things like ‘i don’t ship it, but-’. and now, so many elriel artists are gone, because these g shippers couldn’t just scroll past without demanding their ship or making their feelings known. 

#and yet somehow elriels are the bad guys?? #like yes yes there are bad people on every side blah blah blah #but i see the g ship EVERYWHERE #even with blocking tags #but elriel? #i have to actively search for it and still there's just not as much as there once was #this is why like #even though i like the g ship as the crackship it is #i never go looking for fanfics for it and stuff the way i would with other crackships #because you just get people who bash on elriel #and who are diehard convinced the g ship is somehow canon #and who bully artists into not making art anymore #and who bully people for speaking up against absurdity #and who bully people for... portraying CANON scenes #or for pointing out obvious things like 3 brothers 3 sisters hey shouldn't the family all be together? #it's just.... #i've never seen anything like this #it's still mindboggling #2 years since silver flames came out #and still beyond mindboggling that people are doing this #it will never not be insane to be that a crack ship and a canon ship are being treated like something to war over #like #if the g shippers just accepted that their ship was a crackship #and that sure they'd like it to be canon but know it's not #then the g ship would be fine #but the absolute insanity of g shippers is the FARTHEST thing from acceptable behavior

[iskandersmuts]

Diplomat's Party

Male Reader x Yuna

Tags: Smut, Yuna Smut, Sex, Blowjob, Creampie

My first attempt. I will be thankful with some feedback with anything.

1

Breathe in. Breathe out.

You see the man on the mirror. That’s you inside the bathroom talking to yourself for gaining courage. “You can do it.” You say. “You did this for the last year.” Finally, you hide again in one of the bathroom’s cabinets. One more time breathe in and breathe out. Is just matter of endure this feeling three more hours.

You leave the bathroom and start counting the hours. Right now is nine o’clock. You can leave freely this party at midnight. As your boss always says “Your job at parties is like being a Cinderella. You arrive show the best you have and before the worst parts of you appear you leave. Nobody wants to know how cool or shitty you are when you are bored or even worse drunk. So no one of you, the diplomats, can show that side. Remember we are representing a country.” He is right we can’t show some parts of ourselves.

But these parties are actually a pain in the ass. The most of the people are here for work. They are not resting. They are not having fun. They are trying to get some confidential information that will help their own interest or the interest of their countries. Is like an international convention of ass lickers, brownosers or whatever you call it. They gather together and start talking about nonsense: “Did you hear about that African president lecturing Macron about colonialism?” or “Did you see what this Bukele did with the cryptocurrency?” You just can’t say. “Of course, dumbass you know that every ass licker here read the same Foreign Affairs subscription that you read.” You just say whatever thing they also know “Yeah and it seems that IOSCO now has a project bill for cryptocurrency.” And then the questions start. “Do you have any notices on the votes of the draft resolution of the injunction… and blah blah” Just things that nobody cares about. Two years ago, you pleaded your boss to let you assist to this kind of events. And now is your third time a week in these events. You would prefer getting a massage with hot stones in your balls right now. But not everything is bad. In this field: the diplomacy. You must be really lucky to find a friend. And you were really lucky, your honest friend is Diego an Argentinian diplomat.

2

In this party at Lotte Hotel Diego does a sign asking you to leave the building and go to the yard. Both of you get outside and start talking.

“Dude, did you hear the big news?” Says Diego.

“Diego if is a diplomat thing I really don’t want to talk about that right now.” You say with your voice showing boredom.

“No is not that kind of thing. You know me. I don’t like to talk about that stuff too. Is about the party of tonight.”

“What? Someone find out about those two gay diplomats that are in a relationship?” You ask.

Diego laughs. “No not that. Something interesting. Korea has changed the main event of tonight!”

“That means that I’m not going to hear the fat lady singing AGAIN the fucking Madame Butterfly.” You say.

“Yes. And also, as they were looking for something new. Moon Jae In used his trick up his sleeve and contracted a kpop group.”

“WAIT WHAT? WHO? TELL ME!” You say almost shouting.

“Is a girl group. JYP…”

“Fucking Twice is coming? Oh my god! Really?”

“No not Twice a bit younger.”

“NMIXX? But they have few songs!” You say complaining.

“Not that younger.”

“ITZY? ARE YOU FUKING KIDDING ME?!”

“No. No. It’s for real. They are coming.”

You guessed correctly.

And now you are thinking: Finally, something good happened on these useless parties. And you are smiling in a weird way. You know is weird because Diego told you. And then you use your experience of these years to act the best you can. As a diplomat you can’t be a crazy fan even more as you are here actually “working”.  

3

The girls finally arrive. All guests are invited to gather and enjoy the show. Itzy is on the scene they greet everybody. You notice that they are not cheerful as they are in concerts of world tours. They are trying to be mature. They start with “Dalla Dalla”. You resist the urge of fanchant with the song. When they end nobody claps. For the awkward situation they start immediately another song. It happens the same nobody claps or even cheers.

This situation reminds you the footage of Red Velvet presenting at North Korea. The public were all quiet. This was the same. These boring diplomats don’t celebrate anything. Yeji as the leader announces that they are going to perform the last song. “Cheshire”. You want to fanchant so bad. But you can’t. They nailed the last song; the others were good too. But in this song, you see that they are trying their best as is their last song and till now they didn’t get any response from the public. When the song ends you don’t resist the urge and you start clapping. The people around you look at you as a weirdo. But then Diego joins you and other Koreans too. Then everybody is forced to do it. You look at them. All the girls are smiling. You keep clapping and you stand up.

“That was nice, girls” you shout.

This time just some of the other guests joins. And the rest of them just look at you and the others as weirdos.

This moment was definitively the most memorable. Because you see the girls looking at the few ones clapping while smiling. They finally thank everybody and leave the scenario.

4

You start walking around the party just remembering the faces of the girls when they saw you clapping. Their expressions. They are shocked at first. They look at you and then start smiling. It was a rough night for them. But you did the night a little bit easier for them.

Now just some minutes till midnight. You made your job and you saw Itzy you deserve a fucking drink. So, you start walking towards the bar.

“Look that old geezer is trying to dance” Says someone.

You notice that this is the voice of a woman.

You laugh.

Someone appears in front of you looks you directly inside the eyes and says. “Are you laughing at us?”

You are caught off of guard. “No sorry I didn’t mean that. Is just that no one here uses that kind of word ‘old geezer’” You look at her face trying to know his name. “Omo. Sorry Chaeryeong-shi. I really didn’t mean to make fun of you.”

Chaeryeong looks at you. “Do you know my name? Finally, I thought nobody here knew who we are.” She pauses and continues. “And don’t worry I’m pretty sure that Ryujin-unnie doesn’t care if you laugh or not, right, unnie?”

“You are pretty damm right, Chae.” Says Ryujin. “Is just that the old geezer…” You start to laugh again while she continues. “looked really hilarious when he started dancing.”

You see that behind both, Ryujin and Chaeryeong, are the other members of the group. You are internally jumping so hard that maybe your head will hit the roof. But you try to keep your composure. “Nice to meet you all of you.” You look at your watch is just past midnight. Fuck it you are not “working” anymore. “I’m really a big fan of yours.”

The other girls gather around you when they see that you are talking with Ryujin. They stand up beside you. There it is Yuna with her scenary outfit.

While you are looking at her you try to avoid looking at her chest. Or at least pretend that you are not doing it. She is using baggy pants. You wanted to look her legs too. That’s too bad. But you are lucky enough to look her perfect flat belly. When she sees you, she just smiles at you. The other girls as Yuna are wearing also an scenary outfit all of them have a blue or sky blue piece. But Yuna is the one that caught your eye.  

“You are not from here, right?” Asks Ryujin. Yeji gives a little slap on Ryujin’s arm. She is the leader indeed.

You are thinking. Thanks Ryujin. You saved me. I owe you one. It was getting weird because I was looking Yuna for too long.

“Yes yes. I’m not from here. I’m a diplomat assigned here at Korea, Ryujin-shi.”

“You are a diplomat?” Asks Lia. “I always thought that diplomats were old men.”

You answer. “Well the ones that appear on television they are. And maybe as they are the most known for the public you think that. But actually in my country if you do the right things. You can start as a diplomat at 23 years old.”

“Yeah you look kind of young. But here the most of them are old geezers.” Says Ryujin. You laugh. “I thought that the reason why nobody clapped was that they are old geezers. But maybe is because they do what you do.”

“Well. Yeah the most of the times the show is a snob thing. Like opera or traditional theather.”

Ryujin interrupts you. “What thing? What did you say?”

Yuna starts laughing. You answer Ryujin. “See your maknae here knows what I said. Yuna-shi would you mind explaining her?”

Yuna looks at you. Doubtful starts speaking. “Snob is like people that likes fancy things just because they want to be different. Right?” She looks at you.

You are melting. The eyes of your Itzy’s bias are looking right at you.

“Yeah… Is just like that, Yuna-shi.” You answer. “The people here like that kind of things. Kind of unique or least popular. The people around here think that the things that they are discussing are the most important things ever. They are so full of themselves.”

“And… You are here... So, you too?” Asks Yuna looking you again.

You smile. “I hope I don’t. Maybe I would be just like them if I answer that. How about you discover if I’m like them.” You look at Yuna.

In your head you ran the entire place 10 times. You are flirting with Itzy’s Yuna. You are nervous as fuck.

“We’ll see. Then.” Answers Yuna and grins.

Yeji looked what happened. Actually, the whole girl group watched you flirting with their maknae. Yeji stands between you and Yuna and starts shaking your hand. “You are the one that clapped for us, right? Let me thank you for that. We’d like to stay around but we actually just came here for a personal matter. We are going to the bar. It looks like you are about to leave this party, right?”

Her words weren’t even smooth. You were clearly kicked out. “Is that true? I see. Well, thank you for greeting me.” You say trying to sound as polite as you can. “Well maybe I should go…”

What you were saying is interrupted by Yuna holding Yeji’s arms with her hands. She starts pouting. “Unnie, please.”

Yeji’s answer is silence pretending Yuna said nothing. Yuna starts pouting again. “Yeji unnie, please. Besides he is a Midzy, right?” Yuna looks at you.

“Yeah. As I said I’m a big fan.” You add.

When Yeji says nothing again. And you think this is lost. Yuna uses his final technique her little kitten face. He is pleading looking directly at Yeji. Just as Pussy in boots in Shrek. You don’t receive fully the little kitten face but you see it by the side.

Fuck. You are willing to give your house if she asks you doing that face. And you start wondering why the governments and international organizations spent so much money training people like you to end wars. When probably all they need is the Yuna’s little kitten face. Dam even if she asks Putin to end the war. Will he say no?

Yeji tries to avoid her face or maybe just look at the others trying to find an answer. Ryujin just shrugs like saying I don’t care. Lia and Chaeryeong that were looking Yuna’s little kitten face just nod. Yeji sighs and says. “Fine. He can come.”

“Yaaaaaay” says Yuna. She takes your arm and pulls you to start moving. Then she releases so you can follow them.

That expression that she just used was the bubbliest yet the most attractive you’ve ever seen. And she touched you. You can die right now. You start walking behind them. You just can’t help and you take a peek at their asses. Ryujin has a really bubbly ass. Chaeryeong has the largest one and seems like is not that soft because has muscles around. Lia has the softest one like you can sleep there. Yeji has a cute butt. And finally, Yuna has a bubbly cute ass. She is using baggy pants but her butt can be noticed trough them.

While walking Yuna turns lightly her head to you to ask you. “Hey Mr. Diplomat how old… are you?” She paused because she noticed you looking her ass. You were caught in fraganti so you just looked at her and smile. “Well mmmmm… I’m actually 25 years old. International age I mean.”

After you answer Yuna says something to Yeji. Yeji also turns her head to you. Look at you and nods to Yuna.

All of you finally arrive at the bar. Ryujin asks for champagne for everybody including you. She didn’t ask any of you. She just ordered. Yeji slaps her arm. “Ryujin yaaa. Why do you always do that?”

Ryujin answers. “It doesn’t matter. All of us were going to drink that anyway. Right?”

You see around and everybody is nodding. It seems that the dominant Ryujin you see trough tv screen is actually a dominant Ryujin in real life.

“Let’s make a toast. Raise your glasses” Says Yeji. And by looking at the girls and you she is ordering you to do it. Everybody raises their glasses. “Our schedule didn’t let us to celebrate properly the birthday of our beloved maknae. Yuna we all love you.” At the end of this sentence. You start nodding hard. Yeji got quiet and looks at you. All the girls look at you too and then laugh. You blush. “Anyway…” Yeji continues. “Apparently everyone gathered here LOVES you Yuna. Happy Birthday.”

The girls take turns to hug Yuna. First Yeji, then Ryujin. You notice that everyone gets closer and say a few words in Yuna’s ear. When is your turn you gather all the courage in your body and swallow the nervousness and try to look cool.  You hug her and whisper in her ear. “Is true indeed that everybody here loves you. Happy birthday. I wish you have a good time tonight.” She grins and whispers in your ear. “Well, you can help me to have a good time tonight.”

Shit. You think. I felt her chest during that hug. And now she says this I really can’t control my excitement.

And actually, you got hard down there. While you were hoping she didn’t notice it the hug ends and she looks down like looking for something.

It seems like she felt it.

Then the girls sited around the bar and ordered drinks. You took place beneath Yuna. She leaned on you.

“Oppa…” She says and you got surprised.

“Oppa?” You ask inmediately interrupting her.

“Yes you are older than me you are my oppa, right?” She questioned.

“Well yeah I can be your oppa if you want.”

“Nice. I want to ask you something. Can i?”

“Okay. But if is something that I can’t say because of my work please don’t use your little kitten face against me. I will give in and next thing will be that I’m fired.”

She laughs. “My what?”

“Ah I named your pleading face to Yeji-shi before as ‘little kitten face’”

“Because of Shrek?” She asks.

She gets me.

“Yeah. I just love that movie. But continue. Go ahead”

She continues “Anyway I’m not going to ask you something difficult, oppa. I just want to know what should I drink? I don’t have too much experience with that.”

“You are 19 now, right? What have you drinked before? and what did you like or not?”

“Well obviously soju. At first, I didn’t like it. But then I was into that. But tonight, I want something fancier.”

“You are lucky. As this is diplomat’s party. I think this bar has international beverage too. Have you heard about pisco?”

“What?! What is that?”

“Is alcohol is made from grapes: the green ones. And well is nice when you drink it with lemon and other stuff. The beverage is called pisco sour.”

“Well why not. Today I’m celebrating my birthday. If I pretend today is my birthday. This is my first time having 20 years. So today is the day of first times!”

“That’s the attitude!”

“Two pisco sours, please.” You ask to the bartender.

The bartender hands you two glasses. And you hand one to Yuna.  

She sips. “This is like lemonade, right? Just at the end I can taste some alcohol. Is not that strong.”

You nod. “So did you like it?”

“Yeah, kind of.” Answers, Yuna.

5

A couple of glasses later you and Yuna are talking.

“You know what?” You start “I think diplomat’s life and idol’s life have something in common.”

“Why do you think that?” Asks Yuna.

“Well, your life is kind of controlled by someone: your company. In my case the embassy. I’m living here in this country just to work. And also, our opinions can’t be radical. Do you remember that time where Tzuyu waved her flag? The… Taiwanese flag?” Yuna nods. You continue “She apologized then. That means that no idol can give political opinions, right? Well, I can’t neither. I can’t say Taiwan is a country or say what I think about any president or government out loud.”

“Well… Yeah, It makes sense. So, you can’t hang out at parties too?”

You are so into this subject. “Well, if something happens like a drunk fight or something like that. I’m fucked up. Because in the headline will appear ‘The diplomat of this country got drunk and…’”

Suddenly Ryujin hugs you from behind and asks you. “Hey, since when Yuna is your bias? Have you fapped to her photos?”

You blush and start stuttering. “I-I-I D-d-d-didn’t do that!”

Ryujin laughs. “Mr. diplomat knows how to be cute!” She pinches your cheek. Then she says looking at Yuna. “Hey if you don’t achieve nothing with him. I’ll ask his number.”

Yuna hit Ryujin’s arms. “Ryujin-yaaaaa.”

You look at Yuna. “Achieve something?” You ask.

Yuna blushes a little bit. “Well did you remember before when we were walking to the bar? When you were… mmmm… looking my ass?”

You almost spit the pisco sour. Ryujin laughs. “It seems like Mr. Diplomat likes to stare asses. Did you peak mine too?”

Fuck Ryujin is so straight when she talks. This can’t be a mess. You must apologize. You think.

“Ammm… I do. Sorry.” You apologize.

“So who has the best one?” Ryujin asks you.

This brat knows how to make you nervous.

“Y-y-y-yuna” You answer stuttering.

“Well, I give up, Yuna. Mr. Diplomat is in love with you. I don’t get him. Everybody’s favorite is my ass or Chae. I’m leaving it to you.” Ryujin says while walks out to join the other members.

“Really?” Asks Yuna looking at you.

“Yeah. You are my favorite in everything! My ultimate bias.” You shout.

Fuck. It seems I’m really drunk.

Yuna stares at you and doesn’t say anything.

You blew up. She probably isn’t looking for a fanboy. You shouldn’t have drunk too much.

But she caught your arm and walks with you. You just follow her. “What happened, Yuna?” You ask.

She looks at you and keeps walking. “Today is the day of first times.”

She is leading you to the bathroom. She enters and locks the door.

You are in disguise. What to do now is pretty obvious but is Yuna so you are doubtful.

Before you decide anything Yuna kisses you.

Fuck. Is the best kiss you ever had. So this is how it feels when you kiss someone you really really like. Is like an explosion. Like there was nothing and then a big bang.

The kiss breaks. “Did you like it?” Asks Yuna.

You don’t answer just kiss her again. The sensation is something different. Like you can be here forever. But the night was just starting.

Yuna starts touching your back while kissing you. Then your chest. Your neck. She stops. “You don’t want to touch me?” She looks directly in your eyes.

“No, no. Is not that. Is just I didn’t want to ruin the kiss.” You say.

“Oppa. You know what are we doing next, right? I know you are not so innocent!” She says. And starts kissing you again.

Now you touch her. Her neck, her back you go down. Her delicious ass is being groped by your hands. You lean her closer to you by pressing her butt.  

You start kissing her neck. “Yuna. You are so beautiful and cute. Your mouth, your face, your ass.” You press your hands in her butt harder. She just moans “Mmmmmm….” But then she speaks. “I can feel your dick poking my abs. Just like before when you hugged me.”

You press her butt stronger. So, she can feel it more. Then you lift her up by grabbing her legs and kiss her neck again. “Mmm… I want to see your tits, Yuna.” While being in the air she manages to take off her blouse. You see her lingerie and anxiously you start kissing around her tits. While she is trying to untie her bra. Finally, you receive in your view her heavenly boobs. Her nipples are totally pink and are like inviting you to suck them.

This is the best feast I’ve ever had.

You kiss and lick her tits while the only response from Yuna is “Mmmm.” When you left her legs touch the ground, she kisses you again and she kisses your neck this time. Now she is trying to get your formal shirt off. You start undressing yourself. She kisses your neck and starts going down till she is in front of your crotch. She is in her knees.

“Mmmm… I want to know if you are a big fan as you said.” She touches your crotch. And starts undressing your pants. Then she just puts down your boxers.

Your dick is hard as never was. When she puts down your boxers your cock jump off and slaps Yuna’s face. She looks at you and then stares your cock.

“It looks that you were right. You are the biggest”

Then she starts stroking. You just moan.

“I thought you said it was first times’ day.”

“Yes oppa. This is my first time with a foreign guy and my first time sucking cock big like yours”

She starts licking the tip of your cock.

“Oppa I’m starting to doubt if this can fit in my mouth.”

“Let’s find out.” You say. She nods and starts putting it in her mouth.

First the tip and then she tries to push deeper. Her mouth is full but there is plenty of dick left. She starts moving. You can’t deny that you had better heads before. But… She looks at you while sucking you. Then you are aware again that the one sucking you off is Itzy’s Yuna. So, you start to feel better. Fuck you could say that you are even about to cum. You caught her head with your hands and start pushing.

“Fuck Yuna. I can feel your throat!”

She just says “Mmmm mmmm” as she can’t talk.

“I’m going to cum. Fuck. Fuck.”

You start cumming and you relax the grip on her head. And she frees. Some of the cum goes in her face.

“Mmmm… You are rough, oppa. I like that.” She picks some toilet paper of the bathroom to clean her face. “But you know what this is only starting. I want that big thing inside me now.”

She starts unbuckling her pants and puts it down and also her underwear at the same time. She has a shaved cute pussy and is already wet.

“Oppa, fuck me.” She says and then she bends and you have a total view of her ass. That beloved ass.

“You want me to fuck you?” You spank her.

“Aah. Yes, oppa. Fuck me with your cock!”

You grin and start to play with your dick around her pussy. “Oppa, just fuck me already!” She says.

You put your cock inside her. And you feel tightness. You haven’t feel something like this before. “Yuna you are so tight!” You say. And try to go deeper. “Fuck Yuna really I’m not lying you are too tight!”

“Mmmm… No oppa is just that you are too big. Just keep going. Mmmm…”

You start going deeper in a slow pace. Finally, you get to get your full dick inside. Yuna is moaning already. “Yuna, prepare yourself”

“Whaaaaaaa… aaah… mmm… mmm” She starts moaning. You are slamming her in a rapid pace. And then she says “Cumming aaaah” You don’t slow down. And then she shouts again moaning again but this time her legs start to shake. But you don’t slow down.

Fuck you’ d love to see Yuna’s cumming face. But right now in exchange you have a full view of her cute butt and her pussy while your cock enters and disappears. She is moaning so hard.

“Aaaaah… Oppa. I love how you fuck me. You are really deep into me.” She says.

And is true is almost like your tip is kissing her womb. This tightness is almost like her walls are never letting you go. Like their insides are sucking you up. Is this heaven? The pleasure right now is out of this world.

While dreaming off, it happens you cum inside her. Fuck you really fast up the pace because now you are out of breath. Yuna stands up looks at you smiles and kisses you. “That was one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had. And really orgasms because it happened multiple times” Yuna says. “You are special and fuck you cummed so much”. At the moment white liquid starts to drip from her crotch.

Suddenly the door sounds. There are lots of knock knock and then a voice: “Yuna we need to leave now. They found out about the manager bribed. We will be waiting for you on the car outside.”

You look to Yuna. And she starts explaining. “Have you heard anytime about Itzy joining a party where they were having a show. Or have happened ever that the last entertainment show joins the party in your diplomat events?”

“Well… Being honest I never heard of that. And that never happened. I don’t remember that the fat lady singer ever joined the party after her show.”

“Yeah. That’s what’s normal. But we bribed our manager to tell JYP we were already at the dorm and we sneaked into the party.”

“So you weren’t invited to the party? And wait did you lie to Jyp?” You ask.

While this conversation was made Yuna started dressing up. As you see it you start looking for your clothes too.

Yuna answers “Yeah, that’s why we were just in the bar. I mean we didn’t want to catch too much attention. And also, we were with our stage clothes if we were invited, we probably were wearing some fancy dresses or something like that. And yeah, we lied to Jyp. He is nice but sometimes he is just a pain in the ass. You know if it was for him, I’ll be virgin even now.”

“Well yeah if you had gone to the main saloon, you probably had caught more attention. Then I must be really thankful for that bribe because if that wasn’t happened, this wasn’t happened.”

“Yes, oppa. And also, is thanks to Yeji. When you looked my ass, I was asking Yeji if I can be with you and she nodded. But sadly, I must say bye now. I really want to have another meeting with you and that big thing of yours.” She kisses you and continues. “and maybe we can try other things. You know Ryujin says that anal sex is way better than normal sex. But I don’t know maybe I need to experience it by first hand.” She hands you a piece of paper.

“Is your number?” You ask like pleading.

“Aww you can be a cutie pie too. Yes, it is. I must be going. Is better if I leave alone. Wait inside here and after a couple minutes leave. Ok?” She says.

“Yes. I’ll be expecting our next meeting.”

“Me too.” She kisses you and then leaves the bathroom.

That actually happened. You think. I had sex with my ultimate bias.

And now you remember all the things the view of her precious ass. Her eyes while she was sucking you off. The taste of her lips. Her essence. Her ass in your palms. Her surprised eyes when she saw your cock. The sensation of his tongue in your cock and her throat.

The sound of your phone wakes you up. Some text messages.

“Hey Oppa is Yuna. It seems like you weren’t the only diplomat getting fun. Ryujin also had fun with an argentinian diplomat. And he knows you, so the girls and I got his number and yours. Let’s have another meeting soon”

You smile. What is even better that you fucking your bias from Itzy is that your friend could do it too and maybe he even had anal sex with Ryujin. It seems that this kind of parties are not so bad.

#smut #yuna smut #male reader #itzy smut #kpop smut #kpop x male reader

[taestefully-in-luv]

Our Time | JJK (Five)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 12.2k

Warnings: swearing, frustrations of amnesia, mentions of alcohol, lots of panicking, crying from multiple characters, mentions of death, mentions of vomit multiple times, feelings of betrayal and anger and sadness, next warning is a major spoiler: confirmed kidnapping of jk & ocs c h i l d blah blah blah for those who don't want spoilers and don't need warnings lol

a/n: only one more chapter until the introduction of this story is complete. And then the true plot will begin. 🤭please let me know what you think! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

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You remember when you and Jungkook truly became friends.

You had never struggled to make friends. You naturally lured people in with your energy, maybe even your charm as a person. But after spending a month in Seoul already, you had never felt more out of place and out of your element. Every face you came across was the face of a stranger. It was like you were sitting in front of a TV screen and watching a crowd of people who didn’t matter to the plot of the movie. Just there. Living a life that had nothing to do with you. 

And you were the same to them.

You had only had maybe two conversations with your roommate in the small dorm. The first conversation was hardly even an introduction and the second one was her asking you if it was cool that she would sneak her boyfriend in every now and then. You didn’t mind. But you thought it meant you all would become friends but that proved to be untrue. 

The first week of classes, you realized many of your classmates are already friends or the ones who barely spoke were focused on their studies. That leaves you, someone with no friends and someone who isn’t that focused on school the way others were, feeling completely alone. 

The Friday night after the first week of classes was supposed to be a night of partying with your new friends and the new independent life as a new adult. But instead you wandered around aimlessly, lost and lonely. You didn’t really want to spend the first weekend as a college student in your dorm but where exactly were you going to go? Well, you decided to stick to campus and ended up browsing the library. 

A book to demolish during the weekend didn’t sound so bad, now did it?

When you were in the library, your eyes darted around, for no particular reason but hey, maybe something would stick out to you. And something did.

Or more like someone.

Your eyes grew twice their size when you spotted someone familiar. And goodness, nothing felt better than seeing something familiar in this new world.

You walked up to a table that sat at least six people but you stared with excited eyes at the only person occupying the space. 

“Frog boy?” You had blurted in pure happy rage. 

The frog boy in question kept his eyes on the book in his hands, only releasing a long sigh before lifting his eyes to you and cocking a brow. 

“You’ve known me almost your entire life and you don’t even know my name?” 

You had seen the playful glint in his eyes when he met your gaze.

You rolled yours, “Fine. Jungkook. Or you know, Ribbit.”

You hadn’t felt this excited and relieved since moving to Seoul. (Kind of.) (It’s not like you two were ever friends.) But that was about to change. Oh yes, that was going to change.

Whether your little frog boy, Jungkook, likes it or not.

“Do you go here too?!” You had asked him.

He only sighed again, looking back down at his book before answering with an unbothered nonchalance, “Nah.” And then he raised the book up, showing it to you with a straight face. “I came all the way to Seoul because only this library has…” He looked at the cover, “A freshman course Literature book.” 

“Oh.” You nodded in understanding, equally straight face.

Jungkook narrowed his eyes at you, “You realize I’m joking, right?” 

“That would make sense.” You nodded again, pulling out a chair across from him and taking a seat. “So we both go here. That’s great. We’re friends now.” 

“Friends?”

“Unless you’re still too shy.” You remember how you challenged him.

But Jungkook raised another brow, “Am I still eight years old to you?”

“Maybe.” You had laughed before mocking. “When I see your face, I keep imagining it like,” You had scrunched up your features, pretending to cry while shaking your shirt. “A…a…a…a…a…f-frog!” 

You remember how he laughed. 

His laugh was pure, genuine and contagious. You remember how you joined him and it’s like the past lonely month you had spent in Seoul didn’t exist anymore. 

You two would start meeting up once a week at the library. Very casual. He would try to study and you would talk his head off. Jungkook never once complained. You remember looking forward to your weekly hang outs and you had hoped he felt the same. 

Jungkook obviously knew you were itching for more.

He looked over a textbook that he wasn’t paying any attention to and said, “You know we can hang out more than once a week, right?”

You basically had jumped out of your chair, cleaning up around you when you said, “Perfect. Let’s go to a party that my roommate told me about but didn’t invite me to.”

“A party?”

“A party.” You nodded.

Jungkook eyed you for a moment, looking hesitant. “I didn’t intend to party though.”

“Come on. We’re in this together.” You fluttered your lashes at him, trying your best to look convincing but he only huffed out an annoyed breath before giving in.

It was your first college frat party. Jungkook’s too. 

It was also the first time you got super drunk. Jungkook too.

You two had really opened up and bonded this night. You realized Jungkook definitely wasn’t the shy boy you remember as a kid—that makes sense. You told stories and ended up in your own world. It was a lot of fun and you knew college in Seoul wasn’t going to be so lonely after all. 

You remember by the end of the night when you two were walking, completely intoxicated, back to the dorms when you convinced him to just crash at your place. It was risky, trying to sneak him in, but it worked. You both stumbled inside, drunk off your asses when Jungkook claimed he didn’t feel good.

“Don’t throw up.” You remember warning him. “Or I’ll throw up too.”

“If I throw up,” He gulped anxiously, “I’d hope you would too. Didn’t you say we’re in this together?”

“D-Don’t even think about it.” You swallowed down your own drunken nausea. 

And then he did throw up.

And then you did too.

Naturally, you were inseparable after this. 

Weekly hang outs turned almost daily. You would talk to him like any other close friend and he would do the same. It felt good and natural and like you two had been friends since the day you shoved a frog down his shirt. And that first winter break, you two traveled home to Busan together, surprising your parents because after all these years of being neighbors, you were finally friends. 

You two had convinced your parents to have a joint cook out and you remember how afterwards, you and Jungkook laid on the hood of his car, looking up at the stars and talking about life. You remember how you asked him what he envisioned for his future.

He glanced at you, eyes lingering on your face for several long moments before he narrowed them, “We’re on vacation and you’re asking me to think about my future?”

You both laughed.

“I don’t know if what I’m currently in school for is something I actually want to do with my life. I’m hoping I’ll get inspired and suddenly know what it is I have to do.” He had finally answered.

You remember understanding his words, the feeling resonating with you. “Me too.”

You remember turning your body towards his and smiling, “Have I told you how glad I am to have seen you at the library and I forced my friendship on you?”

He had snorted, turning his own body towards you as well. The moonlight hitting his face, illuminating his features just right. He almost looked straight out of a dream. “You didn’t force your friendship on me.”

It was your turn to snort. “Liar.”

He stared at you for a moment, teasing smile pulling at his lips when he began drumming his fingers against the metal hood of his car. “And why would I ever lie to you?”

You remember the vibration you felt beneath your body when each of his fingers landed on the metal with a rhythmic beat. You remember the sound like a melody and his words were the lyrics. 

You remember how it felt when he basically sang his silent promise to you.

“Yeah, you’d never lie to me, right?” You had teased back but there was a quiet and genuine conversation happening beneath the teasing.

“Never.” He told you. And you believed him.

And you should still believe him, right?

But Misuk’s words are repeating relentlessly in your mind, ‘Closest. She hasn’t spoken one fucking word to you in two years. But right, closest.’

You want to have confidence in Jungkook because you should. But his silence after her words feels like cold, quick spider legs are racing up your spine, creating a chilling uneasiness and a spasm of worry and discomfort crosses over your face. You’ve never liked spiders.

What does Misuk mean by that? Why would she say that? There is no way you wouldn’t talk to your husband for two years. There must be some kind of misunderstanding. But your body remains stuck to the wall like you’ve been superglued and you’re afraid the moment you peel yourself away, your skin will be ripped off your bones. 

You know there has to be some kind of explanation because her words don’t directly translate to you and Jungkook not actually speaking for two years but your brain sends signals throughout your body that you have every right to be as anxious as you feel. 

Because your brain knows more than it’s letting on. Your brain holds all the mysteries that it doesn’t want to show you. And your body listens to the signals it sends.

“Be worried.” They say. 

But no matter if your skin separates from you and becomes a part of the wall in your kitchen…you have to go out there and get some kind of answer. Because you can’t handle for one more thing in your life to not make sense.

You tell your shaking legs to walk.

Even while you feel imprisoned by fear, they move. Your body turning the corner of the kitchen wall, water still running in the background, as you make your presence known. 

Jungkook and Misuk’s heads turn towards you when they feel you. And they mirror one another’s expressions. Watching you in numbed horror. 

“y/n…” Misuk says your name, blood draining from her face but you can tell she’s trying to look normal. “Hey.”

“What do you mean?” You’re surprised you have a voice. “Why did you say that?”

Jungkook’s mouth falls open, panicked eyes boring into your face. But he doesn’t speak.

They quickly glance at one another, an understanding that you’ve heard their conversation and you see how Jungkook’s expression twists into one of anger before he looks completely ashamed when he meets your eye again.

“What’s going on?” Your feet take you closer, your brain sending the signals without you telling it to. Your brain must be making fun of you. Mocking you. Wanting you to find things out when it already has the answers. Like it’s playing some game. “Why did Misuk say that? Why are you two on bad terms? Why,” You’re walking faster, getting closer as adrenaline starts running through your veins, your mouth unable to stop speaking.

“I asked what’s going on.” You stop in front of them, “Why—why did Misuk say that? Why are you both quiet now? Why can’t you answer me? Why are you looking at me like that?” You can’t stop the questions from spilling out of your mouth, eyes going frantically between Jungkook and Misuk. “W-Why aren’t you answering? Why are you doing—why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me feel this way? Why—why aren’t you—” Your heart is rapid inside your chest, thumping against your ribcage, trying to run away and hide now. “Fucking answer me because I don’t know what the fuck is going on!” Your chest heaves uncomfortably, eyes blown wide as nothing makes sense inside your mind.

Jungkook stares at you, eyes just as wide before he slowly shuts them, his lips sticking together in a tight line, nostrils flaring. 

“Nothing…” You quiet your voice, slight tremble when you speak. “Nothing already feels real to me. But marrying my best friend does make sense. But not talking to said husband for two years does not.” 

You concentrate on the two in front of you, watching their expressions and reactions to your words carefully. Jungkook looks pissed while Misuk blinks at you with obvious guilt on her entire face. 

“Say something!” You yell at them, both of their bodies flinching and your panicked thoughts only grow more wild and out of control. Fear is bursting your veins now. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what is known. The fear that your brain is just hiding something from you that could possibly make you heart crumble and shatter. 

“I…I…” Misuk looks around, eyes unable to meet yours anymore while she sets the muffins down onto the table at the front entrance. “I should—should leave.” 

Jungkook is quick to throw Misuk an incredulous look, “Are you fucking kidding me?” He spits at her. “You’re the one who opened your fucking mouth and opened this can of worms. And now you want to leave?”

Misuk snaps her head towards Jungkook, glowering eyes on him. “Should I stay? Say everything?” 

Jungkook swallows hard and you can see anger spiking his body. “You’re right. You’ve done enough. Just leave. I’ll walk you out.”

“I don’t need you to wa—”

“—Let’s go.” He walks forward, opening the front door as she seethes, walking past him.

You watch in disbelief, brows pinching when you try to stop them. “Where—”

“—Just stay here.” Jungkook tells you, his voice softens when directed towards you. “I’ll only be a minute.”

And just like that, Jungkook and Misuk are out of your house, front door slammed shut. 

How could they? How could they leave you here with your anxiety gripping your core and making you feel more lost and estranged in this world all over again. 

You stand here, blood pooling into the heels of your feet. A sudden coldness surrounds you and you feel faint. What is going on? What exactly has transpired in these last nine years? 

And where the hell is your explanation? 

You wish you could shut off your brain. Tell it to stop coming up with ridiculous theories when it knows the truth deep down. It’s just having fun with you at this point. 

You don’t think you can master the uneasiness you feel and control it. 

Your tense body twitches the moment your front door is opening again and Jungkook is slipping through with downward eyes. You wait anxiously for him to come closer to you and explain that it is not what it seems. But his body language throws you off. It throws off the confidence you’re supposed to have in him. 

Jungkook’s bottom lip is caught between his teeth, his own anxiety radiating off his body like heat off a space heater.  You want to read him like a book, like a book with an obvious ending. But you can’t. You can’t read him since he is in another language right now.

“Jungkook.” You call for him, trying your best to stay in one piece. 

He tries to look up at you but his eyes can’t manage your eyes. Your face. Your body. He can’t manage to feel what he’s feeling but a million times worse when he sees you. He walks closer to you, stopping just a foot in front of you, tense body looking more uncomfortable than what you’re feeling. 

“y/n…” He can’t even say your name without his voice cracking, a harsh breath forcing its way out of his mouth while his hands immediately go to his face, fingers rubbing into his skin with a roughness that makes you more worried than before. “Fuck.” He mutters in into his hands.

“Talk to me.” It’s not a suggestion. He knows this. You’re not asking. You’re telling him. You’re telling him to explain why the hell Misuk says that you two are not close and you haven’t spoken in two years. 

Jungkook’s hands drag down his face, the color has left him, a growing paleness that makes you think he might faint or puke at any moment. He’s struggling to even look at you. 

But he does.

And you see the pain in his eyes.

“I don’t…” He croaks out, breaths uneven. “I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to—how to explain. I don’t know what to fuck—fucking say.” He finally stares at you, gaze so intense you almost wish he would go back to looking away. 

You swallow your nerves, your need for answers stronger than your need for ignorant protection of your feelings. “We’re married. Yet we haven’t spoken in two years. According to Misuk, anyway. Is that true?” 

He’s still staring and you’re growing more panicked. Needing an answer now but his silence is telling. 

“I asked if that’s true.” You repeat with a colder tone. 

Jungkook releases a shaky breath, “It’s half true.”

Your lips twist, “What does that mean? We do talk?”

“No. We aren’t married.” He tells you, voice quiet and eyes ashamed.

You take a step back, confusion growing. “But…but I saw—”

“—We were married.” He clarifies. “But we aren’t…” He closes his eyes for a moment, stopping them from growing wet. “Anymore.” 

You take another step back, face hardening as the confusion only triples. “We’re…divorced?” You ask him, but you hate that you even have to ask.

He stays still in his spot, the shame and regret thick in his voice when he answers, “Yeah.”

Your posture suddenly stiffens, letting out a forceful breath but because of the tightness in your chest, breathing is suddenly the hardest task.

You try to fight for optimism but your veins that were once bursting are filling again, but with a deadly acid that poisons your body. It’s running through you, corrupting and decaying any ounce of understanding. You need to breathe but you couldn’t possibly fight for one breath when your insides are turning rotten. 

Jungkook finally takes a step forward but your feet carry you away from him, several steps back until you’re against the edge of your sofa. 

“y/n…” He says your name but you aren’t sure he deserves to because he…

“Y-You lied to me?” You finally manage to say the one thought that keeps pushing against your raging forehead. “You lied to me? You lied?” You blink at him, “You lied to me, Jungkook? You made me think we…?” You shakily gesture between your bodies, “You let me think…” 

“I…” Jungkook’s expression grows desperate. “I didn’t—I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t…if I told you truth it would just…”

“The truth?” You look at him, disappointment in your killer gaze. “You lied to me. You lied—you lied. You would rather lie to me than—”

“—Yes!” He shouts, breathing heavier than before. “It’s one revelation after the other and you can’t handle the…” 

Your disappointment, your shock, your betrayal are slowly turning into anger.

“You lied to me.” You say, knowing it’s a fact now. “Why?”

Jungkook’s lips are parted and you’re both waiting for his explanation but it doesn’t come.

“I asked you why, Jungkook.” You feel your body sinking. An unbearable sadness creating a space inside your chest. “Tell me why and maybe…” You want to be reasonable. Maybe he had to or maybe he…no, why would he lie? Why would he lie to you? 

“It’s complicated.” Is the answer he settles for and the anger inside you finally snaps. Your body is struck with betrayal. 

“Com—complicated?” You ask the word in earnest. “You’re joking, right?”

“y/n…I asked you to always trust—”

“—You’re asking me to trust you after you lied to me?” Your jaw tightens, “Just tell me and we will see if—”

“—No.” He shakes his head, growing paler by the second. “I-I can’t. I really can’t.”

“You can’t tell me? Why?”

“Because I can’t!” He grows exasperated, his eyes blown out. “I fucking can’t. I can’t. I can’t say it. I can’t do that. I c-can’t.” His body gives up on him, shoulders shaking when he falls to his knees and he squeezes his eyes shut. “Don’t make me say—say it. I just can’t.” 

You look down at him, your confusion making you turn to anger instead of anything else.

You’re hurt.

But right now, being mad feels easier.

“Please, y/n.” His entire face makes you hurt more. “Please just…”

“Leave.” You say the word quietly. His eyes shoot open and he stares up at you. They’re blood shot and teary. “Please just leave.” 

Jungkook tries to stand again, his knees are weak but he tries anyway.

“y/n…” 

“Just leave.” You’re the one begging now, “Please just leave. Let me…just let me be right now.” You feel your own eyes grow wet, stinging and burning. Throat tight but you manage to beg him again, “Please just leave.”

Jungkook is trying to speak to you with his eyes and your brain, deep down, seems to understand him but your brain doesn’t want to let you in on this secret. He nods, blinking his eyes when a tear falls and his anxiously wipes it away. “Okay.”

He clearly doesn’t have it in him to fight you on this. Because for whatever reason, he can’t.

~~~

You wonder if this is how you felt when you first got divorced. Or maybe just a similar feeling. Like you’ve been stranded, abandoned and left for dead. Like your body has been drained of all the blood that pumps through you and someone has scooped out your heart and other organs and you’re now just an empty shell and a sorry excuse for a human being.

You might think to yourself that it’s quite dramatic to feel that way but somehow you feel even worse than that. 

You haven’t slept and you aren’t even really sure if you’ve even breathed since the news. You’re restless and anxious. You’re angry. You’re sad. And you’re heartbroken. You don’t even know what it must have felt like when you and Jungkook broke it off. What must have went wrong? So wrong that you two would go separate ways and you two wouldn’t speak to one another. 

A thought crosses your mind though…Misuk is upset with Jungkook. And she said you haven’t talked to him. She could have meant that you both haven’t spoken to one another in mutual agreement but Misuk’s hostility and choice of words have you believing different. 

So what exactly happened? And why does Jungkook refuse to explain it to you? 

You can’t imagine a world where he would betray you so badly that you’d divorce him and never speak again. But again, it’s been nine years. People do change. But you felt it in your bones…the happiness that coursed through his body when he was with you. You could feel how much he loves you. So then, what? 

You touch the screen of your phone that rests by your thigh on the sofa, the light is bright and blinding but you catch the time on the screen. It’s after 6 am already. Your mind working in overdrive to come to some sort of conclusion. But you realize you aren’t considering everything. 

You cannot be blind to the world around you. 

Your parents must know you’re divorced but why are they so willing to agree to your marriage? Why did they only seem happy? Why do they still love Jungkook despite that you’re divorced now? They still trust him, that is obvious.

But Misuk doesn’t. And Subin seems to be on the rocks but she doesn’t seem totally against him either. In fact, you overheard her in the café. She said they don’t know everything. You remember that being strange. Know what?

But in the end, you need to consider Jungkook the most. 

You two are apparently not together. And you two aren’t on speaking terms.

Then…is his apartment really his apartment? Suddenly, you feel even more lifeless at the thought. You can’t imagine the Jungkook you’ve always known…someone warm, cozy and tidy…living in that place. The countless bottles of alcohol, the little to no food, the stale air and even a hole in the wall that resembles too closely to the size of his fist. 

You also need to consider his reaction to everything as well.

You know in your heart of hearts…how off and conflicted he’s been since the beginning. You also know how hard things must have been for him as well. But you can’t help but still feel hurt, angry and bitter at the fact that he easily lied to you and kept up a façade about something you dreamed of. Making you feel like a fool for being so openly happy with him. When it wasn’t the truth. 

And maybe you are a fool.

A fool because 33 year old you might have the resolve to never speak to Jungkook but you, the you that exists now, doesn’t. And your brain is calling you a fool. Because it’s just a game for your brain. Your brain that hides all the answers and the truth. While you sit here completely clueless.

Clueless…

Clue…less…

Clue…?

Have there been any clues? Clues to the truth that you’ve missed? 

Think. You need to think.

You sit forward on your couch, elbows on your thighs while your head falls into your hands. 

You have to think. What are you missing that could—

The attic.

Your body moves quickly, suddenly standing from the couch when your head snaps towards the direction of the hallway. The attic…he hid your life away in the attic. You returned his keys to him—obviously—but you don’t think you locked it back up. Unless Jungkook went out of your sight to make sure it was locked again…then it should be unlocked and waiting for you to reveal your life. 

Your heart has seemed to return back inside your chest, racing wildly and uncontrollably, making you feel dizzy. You just have to take the first step in the attic’s direction and you could possibly uncover more. 

But you don’t move. Why? Why is it that you’re desperate for answers but your feet stay glued to the wooden floors? 

Fear has made you its prisoner once again.

But you need to release the shackles, break free and run out. Run far away from this thing that’s jailing you. Ignorance isn’t something you associate yourself with and you won’t start now.

Determined, though afraid, you take the first step. Then another. And another. Feet heavy with each step but you take them. You’re you. You will always walk towards the right thing. Even when others disagree…you know, the right thing is the truth. Because you will not be ignorant. 

You make it inside the mostly empty guest bedroom. It’s almost hotel like, no personal touch can be seen. For the first time, you feel odd being inside here. But not odd in the way that feels uncomfortable. But odd because it’s familiar. You take a moment, hand lifted towards the bedroom wall, flipping the light switch before your fingers lightly brush against the wall.

The paint in here is newer than the painted walls in the rest of the house. 

A weird feeling accompanies your touch.

But once your eyes land on the ladder you placed against the wall, you’re quick to shake off any other feelings before grabbing it, lifting it and taking it out into the hallway and setting it up underneath the attic door before you groan in realization that you don’t even need it. 

If it’s unlocked then you only have to pull the string and it should open. 

And hopefully that’s the case.

You slide the ladder off to the side, deciding you’ll put it away again when you’re finished. You stare up at the ceiling, eyes on the dangling string and you know what you must do. You have to fight off this hesitance, this fear and walk towards the truth that tries so desperately to hide from you. Okay. Deep breath. Any breath at this point. You reach up, fingers wrapped around the string tightly before you give it a tug. 

Your eyes expand when the door cracks open, clearly not enough pull to open it fully. 

It’s unlocked.

Heart still racing, blood rushing and insides twisting. You pull again. Harder. And the door opens and the wooden staircase comes down and you unfold it to its full length. All you have to do is go up these steps and search through the physical evidence of your life. The boxes. 

Your breaths are bated with each step you take that take you into the hole in the ceiling. The darkness feels consuming and you feel the chill wrap around your body the moment you enter inside. Walking further, you find the light and now a soft yellow makes the room glow. 

The boxes glare at you. Challenging you. ‘go ahead, open me.’ They whisper tauntingly. You glance around, feeling a chill at all the cob webs and no doubt, spider webs in the dark corners of the attic.

Fingers brush against the top of a few boxes, dust left on your fingertips, quickly wiping it off on your pants before you pry the first box open. It’s the same first box you opened last time…loose papers, notebooks, random sticky notes with words that make zero sense to you. You grab one notebook, open it and read the first page.

Jeez, your hand writing is messy.

Kim Joo Won > only Wednesdays and Fridays

Geum Jan Di > Mon-Fri

Cha Do Hyun > Tues-fri

Park Hae Yeoung > Tues and Thurs only

Lee Min Ho > Mon-fri

Park Jiyoo > Thurs and Friday  was off the Friday…see where he was. Confirmed out of town since Wednesday

You keep reading over the paper but you don’t understand what you’re reading. Your confusion grows…why do you have a list of people and days of the week connected to their names?

You turn the page and there’s a list of times now. Ranging from morning to the evening. With each persons name linked somewhere with a time of…are these work hours? Clock in and clock out times? 

You turn the page again but you can’t read your handwriting. Many words are scribbled out. 

You decide to close the notebook and set it back inside the box. You grab another notebook, opening it to a random page when you notice different pictures of people taped to the paper. Men and women with their names written next to them. Your eyes go wide. You see the name Lee Jaesung written next to a photo of a man you’re sure you recognize. 

It’s the man from the super market.

Next to his name is more scribbled words.

Lee Jaesung > Knows nothing.

And next to his picture and the words are pen scribbles that look done out of frustration.

What the hell is this? Why is the guy from the market inside this notebook with a bunch of other people?

You close the notebook, placing it inside again while you ignore this eerie feeling.

You push the box away and open another one. It’s the box with old clothes you had seen last time as well. You must have been wanting to donate them or something. You’re about to close the box when something catches your eye. On a piece of folded fabric beneath other articles of clothing, your eyes catch something that throws you off. A small patch of a cutesy koala clearly ironed onto the fabric. Your fingers go to touch it, curious about it for some odd reason. You pick at the little koala, the corners lifting off the fabric and you realize it might have been there a while and it’s starting to peel off.

It's cute, you think. 

You decide to look at your shirt in whole, hands suddenly digging it out of the box, unfolding the shirt when your heart stops. Face completely focused on what you’re holding and you can’t seem to shake off the feeling that consumes you. Your confusion grows. 

The shirt is small. Too small to be yours. 

Suddenly, your skin feels cold and clammy. Your brows pull so close together, dropping the shirt to the ground when your hands go back inside the box. You pull out more of the clothing. Clothing you are now realizing is not fit for an adult. Tiny shirts, tiny pants. You drop all of the random articles to the ground and at the very bottom of the box…tiny shoes.

These are clothes for children.

Boys clothes. 

Your fingers grab at the clothes frantically, your breaths growing heavier and heavier.

What is this? Why do you have this? 

You abandon the box, heart racing even faster as you make your way towards the other side of the attic where you found the box that held your old wedding photo. You need to breathe, you remind yourself. You’re no good if you pass out from lack of oxygen filling your lungs. 

But something haunting is crawling creepily over your skin.

You swallow hard, hands rubbing against your arms as if trying to brush away the spiders that must be crawling all over you with their millions of legs. But you only feel the unwanted goosebumps infecting your skin. 

Once again hesitant…you stare at the box that’s half open. The box that held the photo. 

You slowly reach for the left flap, lifting it and giving yourself a full view of the rest of the box. There’s more frames and you wonder if you can handle seeing more pictures of you and Jungkook living a life you don’t know of. 

You gather your resolve, taking a shaky breath before reaching inside. 

It’s a framed photo of you, Jungkook and your parents. You set it to the side before reaching in again. Framed photo of you and Jungkook at that park. A framed photo of you, Jungkook, Misuk, Subin and people you don’t recognize at a long dinner table. A framed photo of you and a group of people you don’t know holding up a ‘congrats on the promotion’ sign. 

Your hands shake, seeing yourself in all of these scenarios you don’t recall. 

Reaching the end of the box, you see one last photo of you and Jungkook wearing headbands that say ‘2017’ while sharing a kiss. 

You need to breathe. No matter how overwhelming this is…you need to breathe. 

You organize the photos back inside the box before pushing it away and opening another one. A really dusty one. You notice this box is taped closed and you struggle with peeling the tape back and getting it open. But once it is, you slowly open the flaps and reveal what is inside.

Again, your heart is aggressively throwing itself against your chest.

You are confused again. Slowly dipping your hands inside, you pull out a toy car. You bring it closer to you, inspecting the toy. A stabbing pain hits you relentlessly in your lower stomach. You carefully set it down before digging inside the box again, this time pulling out a zoo animals Lego set box. You don’t like this. Your brain is sending signals through your body again. You aren’t supposed to like this. Your brain is warning you.

You swallow even harder, your throat feeling tight and dry. 

You reach inside the box again and pull out a plastic robot, maybe around 6 inches in height. It looks like the most used toy so far…scratches across the plastic and even a missing hand. You turn it around, twisting it to look more carefully when you notice something written on the bottom of the foot with faded marker.

Haru.

It spells the name Haru. 

Who is Haru?

Your breaths won’t even out and relax. Who is Haru? You bring the toy close to your chest, gripping it tightly but your fingers are feeling weaker and weaker.

You know this toy. You think you do, anyway. It’s the first item in any box that feels familiar to you. And you aren’t sure what to feel about that.

Your lips are drying and even when you poke your tongue out to lick them, it doesn’t help. They continue to dry with an intensity that has you mistaking this cold air for the dessert. 

You place the robot back into the box, closing it softly before turning towards another box. 

You have to keep going.

Even though you aren’t sure how you will survive the rest of your searching.

Your chest aches. A physical pain from the pounding of your heart.

You reach for another box, sliding it towards you but it’s heavy. Heavy like the box that held photos. You get it opened and your breath hitches the moment you see this box also has photos. On top, a picture of Jungkook brushing his teeth in the bathroom mirror. His sleepy eyes and sad attempt at a peace sign. You hate that your eyes are stinging.

You grab another frame, eyes narrowing at the photo.

A picture of you and Jungkook at the park with his hand over your stomach as you both smile.

No…

Your chest rises and falls much faster. 

You reach for another photo and you don’t mean to shakily gasp, eyes burning at the sight. Your stomach looks huge in the photo, Jungkook’s face pushed up against it while you’re laughing. 

You aren’t capable of registering what the fuck you’re looking at. Your hands shake harder, the photo suddenly looking blurry. That can’t be you. That isn’t you. It’s not you.

“W-What…” Your voice is barely audible to your own ears. 

Your entire body goes rigid and cold.

You set the photo down before reaching for another one and as soon as you look at it, your shaky hands drop it. A loud slam to the attic floor and glass shattering at your feet. You blink at nothing, tears welling as you feel the blood completely drain from your face. You’re shocked frozen. Quick breaths that make you feel like you’re dying. 

You try so hard to snap out of it but how could you? How could you process the broken framed photo at your feet? How could you? 

You squat down, trembling fingers wiping away the hundreds of pieces of glass. The shards are sharp but nothing feels more piercing than the image that stares back at you. You pick up the picture, eyes blinking rapidly, ridding the tears that are forming. Tears because how could you understand and accept what you’re seeing?

You in a hospital bed with Jungkook’s arms around you. You both look ecstatic, teary eyed and smiling widely while in your arms…is a baby.

A baby.

You scoff underneath your breath. A baby.

Don’t you mean…your baby?

Immediately, just at the thought, you truly begin to panic.

There is no way. No fucking way you had a child. A child with Jungkook. You can’t believe this because nothing has felt more fucking unreal than this and nothing feels scarier. You don’t remember this. This can’t be you. This isn’t you. You aren’t you.

You drop the frame again, the loud thud making you wince before you step away slowly. Your eyes anxiously dart around again. The boxes are once again taunting you. You can’t. You can’t be in here anymore. You can’t do this anymore. You don’t want this anymore. You don’t want this life anymore. You want a life you can recognize but this is too far out of your element for you. This isn’t your life. This isn’t you. This isn’t you. This isn’t you.

Your breaths grow heavier, chest getting tighter and you’re wondering what it’s like to breathe because you don’t remember the last time you did now. Not normally, anyway. Your eyes can’t blink back tears anymore. You’re too overwhelmed to stop yourself from sobbing. Sobbing hard and uncontrollably. Pathetic whines leaving your mouth as you tremble at the sight of this attic. 

You need to get out of here.

You quickly turn the light off, stumble down the steps and without bothering to close the attic, you rush to the living room and collapse to the sofa. 

Tears flooding your cheeks. Sobs wracking your body. Misery consuming your soul. 

You are a mother?

Were a mother?

Where is this Haru?

Is Jungkook hiding an entire child? Perhaps Haru is with Jungkook’s parents? 

Everyone agreed to keep a fucking child from you? 

They shouldn’t have kept this from you. Sure, you’re 24 in your mind and nowhere near ready for a fucking child. But you birthed this kid and have no clue who he is. Your brain won’t even give you a piece of a memory that deals with someone you should love dearly.

Anger. Guilt. You aren’t sure what to feel right now.

But devastation for this entire thing should be a good start.

And you think you truly deserve that explanation.

You stuff your face into the cushion of the sofa you’ve grown to love and you cry. You cry hard and you cry loudly. You soak the sofa with your tears and you wonder how you could possibly accept this. Accept something that not only doesn’t feel real…but can’t be real.

You imagined marrying your best friend and that’s a place you could start. A place that was easy to accept. But this? This is hardly something you can recognize as a life of your own.

And you need Jungkook to tell you everything now.

Or you might truly go insane.

You don’t care it’s the ass crack of dawn, you feel for your phone that you know you left here on the couch and when you feel it, you bring it to your puffy face and try to find Jungkook’s name through your blurry vision. And you call him.

He must not be sleeping either because he answers before the first ring is even over.

“Hello? y/n?”

You don’t hide the fact you’re crying, “Come over. Now.” And you hang up.

~

Jungkook sits next to you, body turned towards you, completely stunned. You’re looking weak, unable to look at him for too long without growing emotional. He’s guilty. He lied to you. And you’re upset. But your puffy, red eyes has his heart aching dully in his chest. 

“Please talk to me, y/n…yell at me, hit me, anything you want but please say something.” He quietly begs you. He doesn’t dare reach for you, though his hands yearn to. Instead, he drums his fingers against his thigh.

You’re still unable to look at him, your brain still trying to process everything. But you know you need to speak up and get real answers. Answers that are the truth. And you need to hear them from Jungkook, himself. 

“I went,” You pause, trying to clear your throat but it still burns, feeling tight. “I went into the attic.” 

Jungkook’s fingers come to a sudden stop. “You what?” 

You finally lift your eyes to him, “I said I went into the attic.”

His face pales.

“I saw a lot of things.” Your gaze flickers down again, eyes stinging once more. “I saw that I was pregnant. I found his—Haru’s things…” 

Jungkook stares at you, pain and terror flashing in his eyes, his bottom lip quivering the moment you said Haru’s name. 

“We have a child and you didn’t say any—”

“—I…I…” He chokes on his words, his entire body tensing like it’s on the verge of shutting down.

“We have a son together and you didn’t mention anything?” You give him a hard stare, eyes looking cold and you see how he physically shatters under your gaze. He shatters just like the glass in the attic. He too is at your feet. At least it feels that way. “Say something Jung—“

“—Fuck!” He cries out, eyes slamming shut as his shoulders and chest begin to quake. “I can’t fucking do this.” He breathes out roughly, “I can’t do this again.” 

Your head pushes back in slight shock, “Do what?”

“Go through this.” He bows his head, silent tears falling to his lap. “I can’t tell you again.”

You feel struck with something eerie, “Tell me what again?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer you right away. He isn’t able to. He chokes on his words, chokes on his breaths and chokes on his tears. He’s shattered but there is nothing sharp or piercing about him. He’s soft around all edges. He’s soft. And he’s devastated.

“I’m—I’m not r-ready.” He cries into his hands. “This ha-happened too q-quickly. You shouldn’t…you shouldn’t…I can’t…” 

You feel the urge to reach for him and you do, your fingers going to the back of his head, massaging his scalp and neck. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?” You suddenly feel worried. 

Jungkook won’t calm down. A harsh reality suddenly all around you both. 

“Where is Haru, Jungkook? Why are you crying? Is he with your parents?” You ask him question after question and he only cries harder. You’re trying to piece it together. Where is your son? The kid you gave birth to? The one you don’t remember? He’s not…he can’t be…?

“Is he…dead?” You ask the question slowly between long breaths. “Is he—”

“—No!” Jungkook finally lifts his head, swollen eyes on you. “He’s not. He isn’t. He isn’t. He-He can’t be. Haru is…” He shakes his head violently, “He isn’t. Haru is alive. He’s…”

“Jungkook…” You see the pain and terror in his eyes still. And maybe pain and terror have always lived inside his irises. And you never understood it until now. “What happened?”

Jungkook wipes his face aggressively, trying his hardest to clean himself from his sorrowful tears. He takes deep breaths, eyes falling to yours where he seeks comfort.

“A little—a little over two years ago…” Jungkook takes another deep breath. “Haru….” He pauses, struggling to say it.

“What happened…?” Your heart is racing again.

“He—He was kidnapped. He was taken from us, y/n.” Jungkook spills the truth. The words fall from him mouth like vomit. “He was abducted and he—he hasn’t been found.”

You aren’t really processing this. You can barely believe you have a child. But now you have to believe this child is missing. You aren’t understanding. How could you?

“W-What?” You drop your hand from his hair. “What are you talking about Jungkook?”

He sighs out heavily, silent tears still leaving a miserable trail down his cheeks. “Haru was taken.” 

Haru…your son…was taken?

“And they closed the case. Too fucking early but they closed the case. They presume he’s…they don’t think he’s…” He can’t say it. But you hear him loud and clear. The police gave up on looking because they believe he’s dead.

You do feel sad. Maybe even heartbroken. But there is a disconnect because none of this sounds real to you. 

You look down at your lap, “This…this is around the time we got divorced?”

Jungkook chokes on a silent sob, “We divorced soon after.” He admits to you, “Losing my boy, losing you…and I lost my job eventually too.”

You look back up to him, “Why?”

His expression twists, shame gracing his features. “I was a mess, y/n. I couldn’t…I couldn’t handle myself or control myself. Finding Haru was all I could focus on but it led to too many bad things and eventually…Captain Kim, he felt for me.” Jungkook wipes his face again, “But they couldn’t keep me anymore.” 

Your heart sinks at his admission.

Jungkook has been suffering on his own while you are lost on all this trauma. 

This was obviously hard on both of you. It was too hard on both of you. He couldn’t handle himself? Control himself? But what about you? What were you like in all of this? 

Are you lucky that you don’t remember? 

Or is not knowing even worse?

“Okay…it’s okay…” You whisper towards Jungkook. Your heart mending itself from all the broken pieces because it makes sense now. Why Jungkook lied. Why he’s been so careful with you finding things out. Because this is…a lot. But right now, you want to comfort him. Because no matter what 33 year old you was going through…24 year old you just wants to hug her best friend.

~~~

It's been a few days since you found out about Haru. A little boy who doesn’t feel real to you. 

He was three years old when he was kidnapped.

And if he is still alive…he should be five now.

You’ve been detached and numb, unable to face anyone quite yet. Jungkook checks on you but suddenly, meeting his gaze has become harder. And you think he agrees. This is a huge shock for you and you see how repeating this news is just as hard for Jungkook. He’s burdened with something miserable that lingers in his eyes.

You finally decide to reach out to your parents today.

Needing them to know that you know everything now. 

You call your mom, phone to your ear as you listen for each ring until her sweet voice is calling a melodic ‘hello!’. 

“Hey.” You mumble into the phone, “Is dad with you?”

“Your dad?” Your mom sounds far from the phone, “Hold on, I’m putting away some groceries. Almost done!”

You smile a little, “Okay.”

After some shuffling in the background, you hear your moms voice in your ear now. “Okay! What’s up?”

“Is dad with you?” You repeat your question.

“Oh.” Your mom sighs out, “Nope. He’s with Jungkook’s father, they’re out playing golf.”

“Oh.”

“Why? Is everything okay? Are you trying to get a hold of him? Is he not answering?”

“No, no.” You shake your head, though she can’t see you. “I wanted to talk to both of you…but it’s okay. You can just fill him in.”

“Fill him in?”

“I know me and Jungkook are divorced.” You say the words quickly. “Why did you pretend we were married?”

It’s silent. Just soft breaths barely audible on the other line. “Well,” Your mom finally breathes out, “I think it was easier that way.” She admits. “You two love each other very much so I just didn’t see the issue.”

You scoff, “We’re divorced yet you—”

“—It’s not like he’s a bad guy. Or you’re bad, either.” She cuts in. “Things just…”

“I know about Haru.” You tell her. You hear how she inhales a sharp breath.

“H-Haru…” She repeats slowly, “You know because…?”

“I found out.” You tell her, “I don’t have my memories.”

Your mom is quiet on the other line before you hear her sniffling.

“Mom?”

She takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry.” Her voice is shaky. “This isn’t fair for you, honey. I’m so sorry.”

You sigh, “It’s not like I remember.”

“You know…after the abduction…” Your mom grows more and more emotional, “There were days where I wished I could take your pain and heartbreak away. But not remembering your son is also another pain and heartbreak.”

You don’t mean to get teary eyed at that. You try to keep your voice even. “I-I guess.”

“After everything…” Your mom clears her throat, “You really shut down. Of course you did. You’re a mother who lost her child. But…you just…you shut everyone out. You didn’t really talk to me or dad much anymore and we felt helpless. How couldn’t we feel that way?” 

“Mom…”

“We were devastated when you filed for divorced.” She says. “You and Jungkook were both heartbroken and in a bad place…it was obviously too much for both of you. But instead of figuring it out together…you fell apart.”

You divorced…because losing Haru was too much to bear?

Your heart sinks deeper. You can’t imagine what Jungkook felt.

Or you. But you won’t understand that one until you feel it again one day when your memories return.

“The pain was too much but I wish you would have stayed together…what you needed was each other.” 

“Oh.”

“And…we’re all devastated about Haru. But seeing the both of you completely broken…was another heartbreak we had to feel.”

~

You’ve thought about the conversation you had with your mom earlier all day. You sit here, trying to analyze her words. But they aren’t hard to understand. She claims you and Jungkook fell apart and divorced because the pain of losing your son was too unbearable. And you realize it is a solid reason. 

Your foot taps against your wooden floor, anxiously waiting for Misuk and Subin to arrive. You sent them a long text explaining everything and they said they’d be over as soon as possible. But you’re anxious. Anxious that even they know about a son you gave birth to when even you don’t. Anxious because you realize you feel guilty over it. Guilty you can’t remember something that is supposed to be precious. 

You sit here when your hands fly to your forehead when it suddenly starts pounding. A horrible ache pushing against your skull and you wince at the pain. Shit, you haven’t taken your medicine today. Standing from your sofa, you intend to walk to the kitchen but fists get knocked against your front door.

They’re here.

Taking a deep breath, your feet take you to them instead. And as soon as the door is opening, Subin and Misuk bring you into their arms while they whisper their apologies and sorrows. You wish you were still numb. But you aren’t. You tremble in their hold instead and let yourself cry into their arms.

After several minutes and your determination to calm yourself, you finally pull away from the girls and offer a small smile. “Sorry.” You try to laugh to ease your sadness.

Subin pouts at you, “No.”

“Don’t say sorry.” Misuk smiles at you, “I’m sorry. Sorry for everything…you overheard me and it all turned out like this…”

“Well, you aren’t wrong.” You bump her shoulder. “Let’s sit.”

You girls walk into your living room and plop down onto the sofa. “This sucks.” You try to laugh but your chest feels heavy. “How is it that my life turned out like this?”

“I know…” Misuk frowns. “I really am sorry that things spiraled and you found things out like this…I hated lying to you. I hated seeing everyone lie to you. You deserved to know the truth because I know that’s…” She bites her lip, worry written all over her face. “That’s what you’d want. But I truly don’t know what would have been worse…finding out like this or finding out because your memories returned and everything would hit you like a ton of bricks.” You glance down at your hands, trying to mull over her words. You think she’s right. But you think she’s right in a way of the you who would want it this way because you didn’t know any better.

“I just,” You sigh out, “I just can’t believe me and Jungkook’s marriage failed when we needed each other most.”

Your head snaps up when you hear Misuk scoff.

“What?” You question her while she narrows her eyes at nothing. “What is it?”

The space between her eyebrows crease, “Your marriage didn’t fail because of your mutual heartbreak over Haru’s abduction, y/n.” She finally meets your eye. “Is that what you think?”

For the millionth time, your heart beat grows faster. “What do you mean?”

“Your marriage failed because you blamed Jungkook for it.”

Your heart comes to a complete stop. “What?”

“You blamed him for the kidnapping.” She clarifies, “But I guess Jungkook conveniently left that part out.”

“What…what are you—“

“—Misuk.” Subin says her name with a harsh, cold tone. “Enough already.” 

“What?!” Misuk grows frustrated, eyes on Subin now. “She already knows this much—”

“—You don’t even know everything!” Subin cuts her off, “It’s not like we even know what y/n was thinking at that time! She didn’t even…” She suddenly gets quieter, her eyes going to you now. “She…you…” She meets your surprised gaze at her outburst. “You barely even spoke to us after the incident.”

You feel cold all of the sudden.

“You…” Subin tears her gaze away, “You got so distant. And we don’t blame you, of course we don’t blame you. But,” She looks at Misuk again, “How could you blame Jungkook for that?”

“y/n had her reasons!” Misuk throws back at Subin, “She told me herself.”

“It was fucking vague.” Subin rolls her eyes.

“Yeah? Well it was hint enough.” 

You look between the girls, their own tension forming between their bodies. “Wait, wait. Just hold on. What is happening?”

Subin looks at you again, “Nothing.”

“No.” You shake your head, “What is Misuk talking about?”

“Look,” Misuk takes a deep breath. “All I know is that you blame Jungkook. Before Haru was taken…it was clear your marriage was rocky even then. You didn’t talk about it though. But something was wrong.” Misuk fills you in even when Subin glares at her. “And I trust you.” 

On one hand, you’re flattered Misuk is such a ride or die. But on the other hand, you’re only left feeling more and more confused. 

But Jungkook’s voice is in your head now.

Him asking you to always trust him. 

It doesn’t sound like Misuk has solid evidence to be so against Jungkook. She only has your word. And since you can’t trust your own self right now. You’ll believe in Jungkook.

~~~

You want to believe in Jungkook. But Misuk’s warning words remain ringing in your head. You lay here in bed, mind racing with theories that make you want to vomit. Your head still hurts and something odd keeps bothering you. Like a memory wants to push itself out of your brain but it keeps holding it back.

You toss and turn in bed. The same numbness has returned. 

You don’t think you mind. You accept the numb sensation that takes over your body from the inside out, you disappear with it. You’re grateful because it provides the escape from the raw reality that you suffer. 

It is a preference.

Rather than feeling overwhelmed with a million emotions chaotically colliding inside your brain…you feel nothing but guilt from escaping. And you prefer this guilt over others.

You turn your head to the right, towards the window, when you feel your phone vibrating against your mattress.

Who is calling at this hour?

Grabbing your phone and looking at the screen, you see Jungkook’s name. Is he so lucky to escape too? Or is he in the reality where he suffers?

“Hello?” You murmur into the phone. 

“Hey,” Jungkook speaks quietly, “Um…I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Cute that you think I’d be able to sleep.” You half joke. “What’s up?”

Jungkook sighs into the phone, “Honestly…if you’re up for it. Want to talk? In person?”

You sit up from bed, “In person?”

“Yeah.” You suddenly hear soft, distant knocks on your front door. “I’m kind of already here.”

You lower the phone to your chest, head turned in the direction of your open bedroom door, where you know Jungkook is in the distance outside at your front door.

You quickly end the call, standing from the bed when you make your way to him. Door opening and a gust of wind enters your house with his scent carried with it, hitting your nostrils and you melt. But you shouldn’t.

“Hey.” You nod towards the inside of your home. “Come in.”

Jungkook gives you a timid smile before walking in, slipping his shoes off and going to the couch.

“I—”

“—Actually,” You cut him off before he can say anything. “I want to lay down. I feel…drained.” You admit to him with a tired smile, “Can we lay in my bed? Just to lay. And talk.”

Jungkook looks conflicted but he sees how exhausted you clearly are. “Okay.” He whispers, “We can.”

You lead him to your bedroom, for some reason you go to the side of the bed closest to the window even though you usually sleep on the side closest to the door. You lay on top of the blanket and rest your head atop the fluffy pillow. 

Jungkook takes a breath before climbing into the bed as well. A small smile threatening to pull his lips apart. You notice.

“What?” You question him but he shakes his head, suppressing the smile.

“No, it’s just…this is my side of the bed. And that’s yours. It’s like your body remembered even if you don’t.” He tells you quietly, a shy expression on his face. “It’s silly to think about that, I guess.”

You feel your cheeks grow warm. Embarrassment clear on your face. “Oh.” You’re both facing one another.

“Um, it’s—” Jungkook rests his head against the pillow but he pauses because he’s sure he feels something. “What’s…” He reaches underneath and his curious gaze turns somber. “Haru’s robot…” He whispers, the toy in his hands.

You grow more fucking embarrassed.

“Oh shit.” You blurt, completely forgetting it was under that pillow. “I just…it…” It was the one item in the attic that felt even a little familiar to you so you went back up to get it. “I felt…connected to it somehow.” You admit to him.

Jungkook nods slowly, “That makes sense. Haru wouldn’t go anywhere without this thing. The bath, to daycare, to Busan, any car ride—” He laughs a little. “Even needed this friend when his stomach hurt and he had to poop.” 

You crack a smile, “Thanks, that makes me feel great for having it under my pillow now.”

“Eh, I’m sure it’s clean. You always made sure everything was clean for him.” Jungkook lowers the robot to the mattress, “I know you aren’t aware. But you’re the best mom in the world.”

Heat crawls up your neck, “That feels weird to hear.”

“I know.” Jungkook frowns but he tries not to. “But you should hear it.”

“Should I?”

“Yeah.” He tells you with earnest eyes. “He reminded me all of the time that you were the best mommy in the world. He,” Jungkook breaks into a small grin, quietly chuckling when he sorts through his own memories. “I remember when I would take him to work and in front of everyone I would tell him I love him and he would respond with, ‘and I love mommy.’ Such a brat, that kid.” He laughs, keeping his emotions at bay. 

You can’t help but giggle too. 

 “He was always changing. One minute he would be outgoing and talk to anyone and the next he was guarded and shy. And I know all kids say wild stuff but he really said the wildest stuff.” Jungkook continues to smile. “I never knew what crazy thing he would say in public that would make me look like a questionable dad. Swear he did it on purpose.” 

“He sounds fun.”

“He is. Never bored around him.” Jungkook’s smile turns so soft. “He always slept through the night too. Once he was out…that was it until the morning. He might have been a pain in the ass sometimes but I really appreciated it that because,” Jungkook’s soft smile drops and his gaze darkens with something coy, “He never interrupted my time with you.” 

More heat envelopes your body. “That so?”

“Heavy sleeper too.” Jungkook tells you, “Never knew what we were up to.”

He finally cracks a teasing smile and you push his chest with a small laugh. “Shush.”

Jungkook still smiles at you but it turns more serious. “I know this is all…a lot for you. But being able to talk about Haru with you feels…” He sighs before swallowing his emotions. “It makes me believe in living again.”

You pinch your brows together, “What do you mean?”

“I think I’ve only been surviving.” He admits. “I haven’t felt alive since the last time we were really together.” 

Without thinking, you reach for him. Palm resting flat against his beating heart. “You feel alive to me.” You whisper.

“That’s because you’re here.” He whispers back, “This,” He taps your hand, talking about his heart. “Hasn’t made a single sound until you told me you loved me.” 

You wish his words wouldn’t affect you. But 24 year old you is affected. Because 33 year old you isn’t here right now. 

You aren’t sure if that’s good or bad. 

“Can I ask you something?” You gaze into his eyes. His eyes are soft and might you say, full of love when he nods quickly.

“You’re working on a case with your ex-partner Jimin…is it about Haru?”

Jungkook slowly closes his eyes when he frowns, “I can’t tell you anything about it, y/n…I can’t involve you.”

You sigh, “Okay.” Then you ask him something else. Feeling direct. “Misuk doesn’t trust you. Why?”

Jungkook suddenly looks annoyed. “Because she doesn’t know anything. It’s all assumptions on her end but you trust me, right?”

You think you do. So you nod.

“When your memories return…can you still trust me?” He asks you, but it sounds like he didn’t direct the question towards you at all. And that causes an uneasiness to stir.

But still, you are choosing him right now.

You glance to his chest and notice your hand is still against him and you laugh a little, “Sorry. I’m still touching you.”

“It’s okay.”

“I swear I’m not trying to throw myself at you.” And then you scrunch up your features. “Oh no, that’s what I was doing, right? Previously…I was totally forcing myself on you.” 

Jungkook can’t help but snort a little, smiling tugging at his lips. “You didn’t force yourself on me, y/n.”

Now it’s your turn to snort, “Liar.”

His fingers go to your hand again, softly drumming them across the top of your hand and you feel his heart beat harder. “And why would I ever lie to you?” 

You feel the vibration against your skin when each of his fingers land with a rhythmic beat. You recall this sound like a melody and his words are the lyrics. 

You notice how it feels when he basically sings his silent promise to you.

“Yeah, you’d never lie to me, right?” You ask, voice cracking. “Not really, right?”

Jungkook’s fingers come to a stop before he’s wrapping them around your hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.” 

You quickly shake your head, “No, I can understand.” Your voices quivers. “I was angry. But I can understand.”

“I never lied about my feelings, you know?” He keeps holding your hand in his. “I do love you. I have for so long and I’m never going to stop.”

He’s staring so intently into your eyes and you’re wondering how you couldn’t trust this man. You can see his heart in his eyes and it’s beating so wildly for you.

~~~

The market is busy. It seems everyone is trying to do their grocery shopping today. You and Subin roam the aisles, plucking items off the shelves with giddy smiles. You’re going to bake Jungkook his favorite homemade cookies. You finally found the recipe books and wrote down all the ingredients. 

Thankfully, since it will be your first time giving it a go, Subin has offered to help you. You’re both searching for vanilla but it seems that either they’re out or you’re totally missing it.

“What if we just skip the vanilla?” You say nonchalantly but Subin gasps.

“Bakers all around the world all have a tear running down their face right now not knowing the reason why all because you just said that!” She says dramatically, “Vanilla is crucial!”

You can’t but laugh, “Yeah, yeah.”

“We still need brown sugar too, right?” Subin eyes the shelves. “Is it just me or is it so unorganized?”

“You know how people are,” You shrug. “When they don’t want an item anymore they just stick it anywhere.” Then you point at something, “That explains why there’s a package of uncooked chicken on the shelf with flour.”

“That can’t be safe.” Subin shudders. “Anyway, did you already grab the chips Jungkook wanted?” She eyes your cart, “You’ll totally forget. Go grab them and I’ll finish finding the vanilla and brown sugar.” She grins at you with rosy cheeks. 

“Oh I did totally forget.” You say, glancing at the cart as well. You look up at the aisle numbers and search for the word ‘chips’. “Sweet, it’s only two aisles over. Be right back!”

You walk over to aisle four, eyes browsing all of the chip options when you spot a few you ‘d like as well.

“Hmm, these ones.” You grab a bag, “And these ones.” Another bag. “Oh, yes…these ones too…” You hold three bags in your arms. “Right, I need to get Jungkook’s too.” You whisper, eyes searching for the brand he wanted. You smile when you spot them, trying your best to carry the three bags in one arm while you reach for the other bag. On your tip toes, you grab it and successfully hold all four bags. Feeling accomplished, you quickly turn around but bump into someone, dropping all of your chips.

“Ah, sorry, sorry!” You apologize to the stranger. Your eyes meet and you’re met with the familiarity like you are every time. “Oh. Nabi.” You say her name like you two are fully acquainted. 

Nabi stares at you wide eyed before offering a smile. “Hi.” She says before glancing around, her kind eyes suddenly looking anxious. “How are you? Um, here…let me help—”

“—Oh no, it’s okay!” You smile. But you both bend down at the same time, bumping heads and you’re about to giggle about it but suddenly it’s like images start flashing in your mind. You try to brush it off, reaching down to grab the chips instead of focusing on whatever images you saw that don’t make sense.

You reach for a bag at the same time as Nabi and when your hands touch, you swear the world goes completely still. Your eyes meet in panic and suddenly more images are speeding around in your brain and before you know it, they aren’t just images. But full on scenarios.

And for the first time, they do make sense.

You pull your hand back quickly, eyes blinking rapidly while you try to step back.

“y/n?” Nabi’s kind eyes turn concerned. “Hey, are you okay?”

You take another step back. 

Blood draining from your body. 

These aren’t just scenarios.

These are memories.

You stare at her, bewildered. Your panicked breathes leaving your mouth quickly as you try to ease your nerves. “Um,” You swallow thickly. “I—I…” Your fingers begin to tremble and you’re unable to hold the chips anymore.

Nabi watches you carefully, “Are you—”

You don’t let her finish, your feet taking you far from here. Panicked, anxious and alert…you race back to Subin and the moment she sees you, the adorable smile gets wiped off her face.

“What’s wrong?” She asks immediately, her hands going to your shoulders. “Hey, talk to me.”

But you’re breathing too quickly, your eyes blown wide. 

“What’s wrong?” She repeats, her worry evident. “Are you okay? Did something happen? Hey, y/n…calm down.”

Calm down?

You can’t calm down. Your breathing is harsh and heavy. Your chest is closing in on itself.

You wanted to trust Jungkook. You wanted to ignore Misuk’s words. You wanted to. Really. But with all the things you’ve just seen fly through your head, and the few new memories that sit tightly tucked inside your brain…you don’t know that you can.

Misuk might not have had any solid reason…but your own memories feel like reason enough.

You’re silently gasping for air, struggling to breathe. But you manage to say the words that make you feel like you’re fucking dying inside. “I know,” You swallow hard. “I know why I blame Jungkook.”

~

Next

#bts #jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #bts smut #jungkook fluff #bts fluff #jungkook angst #bts angst #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts fanfic #jungkook fics #Kim namjoon #Kim seokjin #seokjin smut #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #Kim taehyung #our time chapter 5

[ssuperficialspacecadett]

Crutches and Crushes

Chapter Three of the Through the Scope series | Chapter Four

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 4.9K

TW: Unhealthy relationship and mentions of cocaine

Chapter Overview: You run into Frankie while you are out shopping.

Notes: Hey everyone ! I love that I'm still going to say no set posting schedule even though I have been consistent in my posting schedule. I just don't want to give a day and then miss it and blah blah blah. ANYWAY I'm absolutely beside myself that people wanted to be on the tag list for this series (i could cry) so thank you to the people that are investing time into this just like me (: my asks are always open if you want to chat about this series in particular or literally anything else !! happy reading <3

*no use of y/n & female presenting reader*

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

With a whole week of work at Brass Knuckles now officially under your belt, your dad wanted to celebrate. He called you and asked if you would come and eat lunch with him on Sunday afternoon. You knew that this meant you would be the one selected to go pick up and pay for lunch at some restaurant, but it was the fact that he remembered in the first place. Your dad was the kind of man that remembered globally recognized celebratory events: Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and Thanksgiving. However, he struggled a bit with remembering ones that hit closer to home: your birthday, his own wedding anniversary, and any school function you had. You knew that he never did this with any malice or bad intentions, that wasn’t in his nature, but that didn’t ever numb the pain when it inevitably happened. 

“Did you really have to get me a salad?” 

You already knew that he was going to ask this. “Yes, I did.”

“Well could you have at least ordered me one that is topped with fried chicken and not this skinless bitch chicken.”

“Fried meats are one of the main foods that you have to avoid because of your diabetes,” You narrow your eyes at him. “So eat your ‘bitch chicken’ and be happy.”

“You’re right, you’re right. I’m sorry, Sweet Pea. Thank you for bringing the food and for putting up with me.” 

“Of course, dad, but speaking of putting up with you…how has your physical therapy been going with Miss. Maggie?”

“I have my good days and my bad days. I actually managed to hold myself up on the uhh…what’s that thing called again? The one that has those horizontal poles on either side of me?”

“The parallel bars?”

“Yeah!” He snaps his fingers together. “I managed to hold myself up on the parallel bars, but I used all my strength focusing on not falling over which meant that I didn’t have much left in me when it came time to try taking a step.”

“I’m still really proud of you! Doing everything that you’re doing isn’t easy. All that anyone can ask is that you take it day by day and to try your best.”

“When did you grow up and get so smart?” His voice sounds airy. 

“When you blinked.”

“Is that so? Okay, smarty pants, what’s the first thing that I’m going to do when I can walk on my own again?”

You lean back in your seat and ponder his question. It wouldn’t have anything to do with playing cards, since he has that poker tournament every Sunday evening. It wouldn’t be going on a date, although you suspect he might have a little thing for Miss. Maggie. As you rack your brain for the answer a car fires up its engine in the retirement home parking lot. Got it.

“The first thing that you’re going to do when you can walk on your own is go to a car show. Then after you’re done, you’ll probably go get the greasiest burger you can get your hands on just to spite me.” 

“Fuckin’ hell. You got me all figured out.” 

“How about this? We go to the car show together, but skip the burgers.”

“Or we go to the car show together, skip the burgers, and get a basket of fries instead?”

You know when you're in the middle of a losing argument. A frustrated sigh comes from you as you nod your head at his counter-proposal. 

“Deal, dad.” 

***

You should have known this was a bad idea. You should have turned your car around the moment you saw how packed the parking lot was. Days like today were the reason why online shopping and curbside delivery were invented. Unfortunately for you, you had no better way to spend the afternoon of your day off than braving the hectic crowds of IKEA. Your desperate need for items inside the store outweighed your hesitation to go inside. You have only just grabbed a basket when your phone starts ringing.

“Thank fucking god you called, Robbie. I just got into IKEA and I need someone to talk to so I don’t get completely overwhelmed here.” 

You spend the next 45 minutes wandering in and out of different furniture sections while filling Robbie in about your new job and friends. You tell her about Benny and how he has become your closest friend so far down here. She audibly gags when you mention Brunson and how he acted when you first met him. Although you reassure her that Benny stepped in and shut him down, she still has a few choice words that you hope the family standing next to you can’t hear through the phone. 

By the time you finally bring up Will, Pope, and Frankie your basket is quite full. You found all the kitchenware you needed: pots and pans, cups, plates, bowls, utensils, etc. Then for your room you got a nightstand, a dresser drawer, a lamp, decorative throw pillows, and a full length mirror to hang on your closet door. You wrote down the item numbers for some of the items that are too big to cart around, kitchen table and chairs and a couch, so you could order them on a later date. 

“So, Santiago is Pope, Will is Ironhead, Frankie is Catfish, and Benny is…just Benny?” 

“It’s weird, I know.” You laugh. “They’re all really sweet, but Frankie is by far the most attractive one in the group.” 

“What did I fucking say?! I knew that you would have better luck finding a boyfriend in Florida than back home!”

“He’s not my boyfriend! I just think he’s cute, damn!”

“Tell me about him! I need a good mental image.”

“He’s a few inches taller than me, maybe 5’11? His hair curls at the end and is this beautiful brown which matches his eyes. Broad, and I mean broad, shoulders.” Robbie squeals on the other end of the phone. “Big nose and probably 10-15 years older than me?”

“I told you that you like ‘em older.”

You playfully roll your eyes at her comment as you walk into the section of the store that carries the bed frames.

“But I think you would really like Will. He’s tall, ruggedly handsome, has a sexy southern accent, and seems really smart.”

She’s quiet on the other end of the phone while you explain more about him to her. You love Robbie, but the men that she has dated in the past couldn’t match her on any level. She needed a partner that could challenge her intellectually and push her out of her comfort zone. Will is the kind of man that could do that for her. 

“Basically, what I’m trying to tell you is that you should date men that are actually men.”

“Well, it looks like I’ll have some homework to do when I come down next month for spring break.”

“Just give him a chance, that’s all I’m asking. Hey, I should probably go. I’ve already been here way longer than I intended and if I keep talking to you there's no telling when I’ll finish.” 

The two of you make plans to talk later and you hang up the phone. Now to find a bed frame and get the fuck out of here. You survey the room to see if anything catches your eye and something does. The only issue is that it's not a piece of furniture. Familiar curls peek out from underneath a black cap. He’s facing away from you which allows you to read the lettering on the back of his shirt.

B.K.B.G Sponsor of the Month

Tire Town Auto Body Repair Shop

When you first met Frankie, Benny had accidentally cut it short. You have been embarrassingly hung up on the fact that you didn’t get to talk to him the way you had with the other two men that evening. Now the universe has allowed you a second chance by placing him just a few feet away. You find yourself stuck in between feeling excitement and apprehension to approach him. Would he think you were weird if you came up and talked to him? Would he see you as Benny’s little receptionist and nothing more? These questions and countless more plague your mind as your feet guide you over to him. 

“Uhh…Frankie?”

He turns around and looks down at you with those enchanting eyes. The wrinkles that form around them when he smiles softly at you echo the photo you saw of him. The front of his shirt has ‘B.K.B.G Friday Fight Night’ written in a large font across his chest. 

“Hey! What are you doing here?”

You shily gesture to your very full basket. “Turns out that one of the many consequences of moving quickly is having to buy all new furniture because you didn’t have time to bring the stuff you already owned.”

“Oh God, I’m sorry,” he chuckles and scratches the nape of his neck. “That was a stupid question.” 

“No, no it wasn’t! At least I have a job now so I can pay for it all.”

“How is that going by the way? You just finished your first week, right?” 

You try to convince yourself that him remembering how long you had already been working at Brass Knuckles for wasn’t a big deal. He had come into the gym on Monday and since today is Sunday, a logical person could conclude that you had completed your first week. Try as you might, you couldn’t stop the balloon-like swelling you felt in your heart. 

“I did! It was pretty good, honestly. I feel like I’ve got the hang of everything I’m in charge of. Speaking of Brass Knuckles, I like your shirt.”

He looks down at the shirt he probably didn’t think twice about throwing on this morning. 

“You don’t have one of the fight night shirts yet? I think this is the one my job sponsored.” You laugh as he tries to look over his shoulder to read the back of the shirt.

“No, I haven’t been to the fights yet. You work at Tire Town Auto Body Shop?”

“For the time being.” His eyes drift away while he says. You can tell that there is more to the story than he is letting on.

“Well it’s comforting to know that you work there,” His gaze falls back on you. “I have the worst luck with cars so it’s only a matter of time before I’ll need to find a shop.”

“I hope nothing goes wrong with your car, but if it does, just bring it over to me and I’ll take care of everything for you. Wait, wait…did you say that you haven’t been to the fights?”

“In my defense I have only known about them for a week! Benny is the only one I know there, but he is either preparing the fighters or organizing the event as a whole. I would feel out of place if I went by myself.”

“Well now you know me and Will and Pope. Come with us.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah,” he rests his hand on the edge of your cart. “It’s actually a pretty fun time. I would love it if you went with me- me and the guys.” You watch his fingers pick anxiously at a piece of tape on the end of one of your boxes.

“Sounds like a plan to me, Frankie.” 

Upon hearing you agree to go with him the corners of his lips curl into a smile. It’s so infectious that you find yourself beaming in the middle of the bustling store as well. His shyness makes you yearn to know what makes him tick. Makes you want to know how to coax that coveted smile out of him. Because maybe doing that will help you smile more as well. 

It looks like he is opening his mouth to say something when he’s cut off by the blaring of his ringtone. He easily takes the device out of his pocket, but falters when he sees the name that's displayed on the screen. His once relaxed demeanor has now been replaced by something tense and foreign to you. 

“I’ve uhh I’ve gotta take this. I’m so sorry.” He hits the answer button and places the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“No worries,” You whisper to him. “I’m sure I’ll see you later.” 

You watch as he nods and starts to walk deeper into the store. Before he gets out of your ear shot you hear him say the name ‘Rochelle’. Leave it to you to be into a man that already has another woman first in line.

***

“Why do we always have to come to this dump? They don’t have any good drinks and the music sucks.”

Frankie sits across from Rochelle at a random table in The Barrel. He knew better than to let her sit at the guy's designated table. He didn’t want her to corrode them the way she had done with him. 

“Why do you want to get back together, Rochelle? We never made each other happy. Our whole relationship was a coked out blur.” 

“But you liked it.” She places her hand on his. It was cold and wet since she had been using it to hold her beer bottle. 

“I’m not the same man I was before, Rochelle. I can’t do shit like that anymore. I don’t want to do shit like that anymore.” He forces himself to look her in the eyes. “You know what it cost me.”

She meets his plea with a scoff and brings her drink to her overlined lips. She never seemed interested in conversations where she wasn’t leading or the center of attention. 

“You were fun. I was fun. We were fun. So what if we needed a little bump every now and then to get there?” Her fingers curl tighter around his hand. “I miss you, Frankie.”

He missed having someone ride shotgun. He missed having someone there when he needed to vent about the shitty day that he had at work. He missed having a warm body to sleep next to at night. He missed having someone to care for. He just didn’t know if he missed her. She gave him a distraction when he needed it in the past, but could she give him the support he needs now? The support he would inevitably need in the future?

“The only way I would consider revisiting ‘us’ is if it's just us. No more coke.”

He can see the annoyance in her eyes as he lays out his boundaries on the table. She slowly retracts her hand from his and coils it back around her glass. 

“Fine.” Her tone is flat.

“I’m not kidding. I want a fresh start. If we are going to try again I want to do it right.”

“Then let's start with that woman’s voice I heard on the other end of your phone today. Who was that?”

“Are you serio- I ran into Benny’s new hire while I was out shopping for stuff for my place. She’s new to the area and doesn’t have a lot of friends here yet. It was just a friendly conversation, Rochelle.”

"Well,” Her voice is syrupy sweet. “You don’t need to be her friend because you’re already mine.”

He really wanted to believe her when she said that. He really wanted to believe that she cared for him enough to change and grow as a person. He really wanted to ignore the sound of the water calling his name the longer he sat with her. 

***

By Wednesday, you felt completely at ease working in the gym. You recognized and chatted with regulars, became quite the sales woman for both memberships and Friday tickets, and were able to kick the washing machine into submission without Benny’s help. Your desk was also coming along nicely too. You had posted notes in your favorite color, a photo you and Robbie took together in a photobooth shoved into the top right corner of your computer, multi colored pens, and even a small filing basket so you could better organize your paperwork. Your new found confidence in the job gave you the push you needed to officially pitch the idea of gym wide air fresheners to Benny.

“I don’t want this place smellin’ like a fruity little spa.” 

“You do know that they make dozens, if not hundreds, of different kinds of scents right?”

“People come here to workout, not pretend that they are on a tropical vacation.” 

“People can’t workout if the smell suffocates them.” You retort.

“It’s not even that bad!”

“You’ve gone nose blind, Benny! Please know that I say this out of the kindness of my heart, but it is fucking rancid in here.” 

“Now you’re just bein’ mean.” 

“Listen, what if I buy some, only the most manly smelling ones of course, and let you test them out? It’s a win-win because you won’t have to charge them on the company card and if you hate them I can just return them all.”

“Alright, but you promise that I will get the final say?” 

“You’re the boss, Benny. Oh, what should we eat today?”

The two of you have been eating lunch together during the week. There is a good window of time right after the gym’s lunch rush and before the after work rush. You even made sure to block off at least an hour in Benny’s schedule around that time so he could have a much needed break. 

“Have you tried that burger place up the street? Goddamn, they’re so good.” 

“Burgers it is then. Text me your order so I know what to get you.”

What? Just because your dad has to be on a strict diet doesn’t mean that you have to be on one.

***

Benny had wheeled his rolly chair all the way from his back office and crammed it behind your desk. Both of you sit snugly with your feast of burgers and fries littered in front of you. The silence is only broken up by the occasional ‘can you pass the ketchup?’ or ‘are there extra napkins in the bag?’. When you have eaten half of your burger you decide to set it down and bring up what’s been on your mind. You know you can’t just come out and ask it so you opt to bring it up gradually. 

“I saw Frankie the other day while I was out and he suggested I come to the fights this Friday.”

“I’ve been askin’ you to come since you got here!” His mouth is still full from the last bite he took. 

“Gross, Benny!” You swat him in the shoulder. “I know you have been asking, but you’re busy helping organize things! You’re the only one I know here.”

You can’t tell if he chooses to keep his mouth shut because you’re right or because you just reprimanded him.

“Frankie said I could go with him and the other guys. Plus I have no social life and it's starting to feel like the walls of my apartment are closing in on me.”

“Regardless of who convinced you to go, I’m happy you’re comin’! You’re gonna have a blast! Fish and the guys throw down pretty hard at these things too so you’ll be in good company.” 

“Yeah I think I will be too.” You have to shove a fry in your mouth to hide the smile you can feel making its way across your lips. Only once you have finished chewing, you don’t want to be a hypocrite, do you bring up what you really have been wanting too. “Can I ask a question? It might not be my place though.”

The man across from you motions, burger in hand, for you to continue. You take a deep breath and rip the band-aid off.

“Well, Frankie and I’s conversation was actually cut short when he got a phone call. I wouldn’t have said anything except- except he looked so tense when he got it? I don’t know, maybe I’m imagining things.”

“No you’re definitely not imaginin’ things. I don’t want to get into Frankie’s business because that's his own shit to talk about, but long story short, a woman is tryin’ to come back into his life that shouldn’t have been there in the first place.”

You pick your burger back up and take a bite as he carries on with his story. 

“The guys and I all found ways to cope with comin’ back to reality after dealin’ with the worst of the worst in and out of the service. Mine was openin’ this place, Will’s was helpin’ other vet’s, Pope’s was bein’ a military consultant, and Frankie’s was…well Frankie’s was Rochelle.”

“Rochelle.” You wanted to feel how her name felt on your tongue. “I heard him say that name when he was walking away.”

“Damnit, Fish.”

***

“So, remind me again why we are here?”

Frankie pulls into Brass Knuckles’ parking lot with Pope in his passenger seat. He knew he should have done this without him. If anyone was going to sniff out that he had a small thing for you it was going to be Pope.

“Benny left some clothes at my place last week and since we were in the neighborhood I figured I would just drop them off.” 

“As opposed to giving them to him on Friday? Which is only two days from now, might I add.” He looks in the backseat and grabs the small cardboard box. “I think he would have made it until then without a t-shirt and a pair of jeans.”

“Shut up and get out of my truck, man.” 

Frankie takes the box of clothes out of Pope’s hands when they both round the bed of the truck and start walking towards the door. He can see you entranced by something on your computer screen through the windows. 

“I also invited her to come to the fights with us this week.” Frankie flicks his chin in your direction when Pope looks at him. 

“You already have her number? Damn, Fish. I thought I worked quickly.”

“No, man,” He groans. “We ran into each other while I was at IKEA on Sunday. I just thought it would be fun, you know? It’s not like that, Pope.” 

“Fish, you were a bad liar when we served together and you’re a bad liar now.” He turns to look at Frankie. “Come on, you think she’s cute don’t you?”

“She’s just cool.” He should have never brought Pope.

“Whatever you say.” 

The chime of the door bell pulls you from your emails. You’re shocked, but not unhappy, when you look up and see the two of them coming through the door.

“Hey guys. I didn’t know y’all were coming by today.”

“I would have texted you, love, but I haven’t got your number.” Pope flashes his signature beaming grin in your direction. 

“Well you never asked, love.” You tease. 

“We wanted to drop some things off for Benny.” Frankie says as he comes up and places a cardboard box gingerly on your desk.

“Who's ‘we’?” Pope gabs. 

Your attention stays on Frankie as you speak. “Oh, sure! He’s in the back office doing…actually I'm not really sure what he does back there.”

When Frankie doesn’t immediately move, Pope reaches over and slides the box towards himself. 

“Hey, what are you-?”

“Let me take this for you, Fish. Why don’t you stay here and get her number for me? Strictly for scientific purposes of course.” You can see a playful look in his eyes when he turns back to his clearly panicking friend. 

“Wait, no it’s-”

“It’s no big deal, exactly.” Pope whisks the box off your desk and starts walking into the gym, but not before tossing you a wink. 

It suddenly feels a little harder to breathe when it’s just the two of you up front. You want to compliment the soft, yellow jacket he is wearing, but no words come. The only thing you can selfishly focus on right now is your heart and how it's beating so hard in your chest that he can probably hear it. 

“It’s nice to see you again.” You think you can hear his voice shutter a bit.

“It’s nice to see you again too, Frankie. Still alright for me to come with everyone on Friday? I don’t want to impose.”

“You’re not imposing!” The words tumble out of his mouth. “You’re not imposing. I invited you, remember?” His tone settles.

“Thanks again for that by the way.” 

A silence falls between the two of you. You both must have been racking your brains for something to say because you speak at the same time.

“Did you-?”

“Were you able-?”

Comfortable laughter blossoms and it dawns on you that he might be just as nervous to talk to you as you were to talk to him. 

“No, no you go first!” You choke out while trying to catch your breath. 

“Did you end up getting anything else after I left the other day?” 

“I actually did; thanks for asking! I found a bed frame I liked. It took me longer than I'd like to admit to put it together though.” 

Frankie has never been more grateful for the front desk than in this exact moment. Images of your naked, writhing body cuffed to a bed frame flood his mind. God, he could do anything he wanted to you. He would take it slow at first, not wanting to leave any part of your body undiscovered by his tongue. Then, only when you were begging him, would he give you what you wanted. 

“Frankie?”

“I-I’m sorry what did you say?”

“I asked if you were able to find anything? You didn’t have a basket when I saw you.”

“No, I didn’t. The thing I wanted was just out of reach-stock! The thing I wanted was just out of stock.” He corrects.

“Oh, that’s too bad.” You pray your voice doesn’t give away the curiosity you have about his little slip up. “Here. Let me give you something to make up for it.” 

You take out a pen from its holder and move your stack of sticky notes in front of you. His eyes capture your every move. You write out your number slowly on the small piece of paper as you revel in the knowledge that you have his undivided attention. When you’re finished you sign it with your name and a tiny heart and pray that you haven’t misread this situation. 

“I know Pope was the one that asked for this, but I want you to hold on to it.” 

Your cheeks burn as you hand him your proverbial olive branch. When he takes it from you and reads what you had written he laughs quietly to himself. 

“You know, so you can text me about this Friday.”

“Not for scientific purposes?” He mimics his friend's earlier statement.

“Unlucky for Pope, I was never really that into the sciences.”

“Lucky for me then.” 

He folds up your note and carefully places it into his front shirt pocket. His timing couldn't have been better because Benny and Pope emerge from behind the brick wall as soon as he’s done. 

“I hear that you managed to convince our girl here to come with y’all to the fights, Fish! Good on you!” He comes up and claps his friend on the back. “I’m not at all jealous that you did it when I couldn’t.”

“Benny.” you chide.

“Why don’t you make it up to Benny and come to the bar with us?”

“One step at a time, Pope. One step at a time. I do have something for you though.”

He comes over to you as you start writing your number out again. Out of the corner of your eye you see him give Frankie and Benny and thumbs up. Oh you poor, sweet, incorrect bastard. You nonchalantly pass it to him and hope Frankie see’s that there is no heart drawn on this time. 

“Your reward for being such a big helper today by returning Benny’s clothes. If you text me in the middle of the night and wake me up I swear to God I’ll kill you.” 

“What bliss that would be.” 

“Hey! Unless y’all are gonna workout y’all better get a move on. Just because we are friends doesn’t mean y’all can take up valuable lobby space in my gym.” 

“We’re going, we’re going.” For a man that is getting ushered out of a building, Frankie sure looks happy. 

“Bye, guys!”

They both wave and say ‘bye’ to you and Benny as they open the door and head into the parking lot. Benny heads back to his office before they reach their truck, but you keep watching. As Frankie’s hand curls around his truck door, he looks back at you, and pats over his shirt pocket. Then he disappears inside and drives off with Pope. 

Frankie could feel the note he placed in his pocket burning a hole through his chest the whole ride back to Pope’s place. It made it hard to carry on a simple conversation with him because that fiery sensation was all he could focus on. It was the type of heat that seeped into his very bones and made him feel as if he was glowing from the inside out. He knew you had unknowingly seared yourself onto his heart and that feeling scared him.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

{tag list: @pimosworld @c-justhere @javicstories @saltybutteredtoast @hoeslingz @avastrasposts @bitchwitch1981 @smol-beb @cutesyscreenname }

#francisco morales #frankie morales #catfish #frankie morales fanfiction #frankie morales x you #frankie morales x reader #triple frontier #triple frontier fic #benny miller #will miller #ironhead #santiago garcia #pope #through the scope #read on a03

[mod-kyoko]

Maybe the chocolate aphrodisiac prompt with korekiyo 👀 I feel like korekiyo would buy it for his s/o bcs he thinks it’s cute to share things, people of different cultures do things like that blah blah but little does he know 👀👀 if ur okay with that hehe

chocolate aphrodisiac w/ Korekiyo

info: !nsfw!, one shot, established relationship, non-despair au, gn!reader, Korekiyo is dominant around 2,000 words a/n: Korekiyo is my mans fr, thank you for the request! Also, I hope that this gives gn!reader, I tried being very ambiguous on reader's genitals

⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡

"my beauty, I'm home." korekiyo called out softly in the apartment, bags upon bags hanging off his arms. he was the grocery shopper between you and him, he could actually follow a shopping list (unlike you) and his long arms made good bag hangers.

"coming!" you sang to him from the bedroom. he smiled at your voice and walked to the kitchenette to place the bags on the counter. thank goodness his jacket was made out of a hard material, else his arms would look like he had been tortured. he got started on putting the groceries away, lifting his head up when he heard your bare feet padding down the hallway.

"oh, amazing... thank you, kiyo..." you went on your toes to smack an appreciative kiss on his cheek. he always did so much for you. "here, let me help." you happily help him put away the shopping, he was putting food in the fridge and you were putting food in the cupboard. you both worked together in silence, just enjoying each other's company without much word. that's how it always been and it never bothered you, or him. Korekiyo found it wonderful that you can both work together in unison, expressing a language without needed words - just actions; hearing the gentle murmurs under your breath as you list where items should go. a smile stretched underneath his mask.

he was just finishing with the bags as his eyes landed on a particular sweet, chocolate. it deviated from the shopping list but he thought to spoil you. "ah yes, my love." he caught your attention, holding the bar of chocolate between his fingers. "I've bought you chocolate, as I know how much you love the dessert." your eyes lit up and you snatched the chocolate from his hands, he stifled a chuckle.

"oh thanks, kiyo! it's dark chocolate too..." you were already drooling at the thought of eating it, causing Korekiyo's eyes to crease in happiness. "it is my pleasure, really. perhaps we can share it and relax on the couch? sharing is caring, afterall; many humans express love with sharing" he drawled on that you couldn't help but roll your eyes. he was such a loveable dork.

"of course! it's better we share it anyway... else I'm going to eat it all..." you giggled as you scratched your cheek. he chuckled with you and placed a gangy hand on your lower back. "shall we then?" he gestured to the living area. you didn't need to be asked twice, you skipped your way onto the couch and he followed suite albeit, with more grace. you curled into his frame and his arm went around you. it was his turn to pick something to watch tonight and unsurprisingly he had picked the history channel. you're sure he's seen every episode already, yet he still sat there humming and going 'wonderful' or 'very interesting'. you leaned your head against the side of your chest and his hand snaked itself on the back of your head, running his fingers through your hair.

you unwrapped the chocolate in the meantime, it looked like it was expensive on the wrapping alone. kiyo really did enjoy to spoil you. you snap a piece off, then raising the bar to korekiyo who absentmindedly snapped a piece off for himself and it disappeared through his mask when you went to look. you tore off another piece and plopped it into your mouth. the chocolate was bitter as you would expect, it wasn't bad at all however. You ate a third piece, putting the chocolate on the coffee table if kiyo wanted more although he seemed more interested in the show right now.

it was about 30 minutes in that you felt a tightness in your stomach and you were feeling quite warm. you looked around to see if the heating was on but that wasn't so... it was the middle of winter; why were you so hot? you saw korekiyo shift in his seat for the first time in half an hour, taking his hat off his head and setting it on the table. as you looked at him, you could see his forehead was glistening. "are you feeling hot too?" you asked, he glanced to you and finally noticed that you were quite red. "yes, just a little but I am wearing layers... you are dressed less than me yet..." he laid the back of his hand on your forehead. "you're burning up..." his gold eyes observed the rest of you, he spied that your chest was heaving slightly and you were fidgeting like if you had an itch you couldn't quite get rid of. "are you alright?" he asked with his voice laced with concern.

"I.. I don't feel sick, just... hot... strange?" you squeezed your thighs together and his eyes glinted as he noticed this. he looked at the coffee table and picked up the chocolate bar. korekiyo stared at the ingredients, perhaps you were allergic to something? however, as he read on he came to a full realisation. he chuckled lowly, closing his eyes in a sense of satisfaction. "it appears... I have made the common human mistake... of not reading the fine print." he looked to your confused face. "this chocolate is in fact, an aphrodisiac..."

your jaw was slack. "w-what...?!" you began to whine. "kiyooooo... I ate three of those..." he chuckled at your despair in front of your pouting face. he waved a hand. "it'll be okay, dear. I'm positive that the effect will wear away soon. just relax and do not think about it." you slumped on the couch, letting out a heavy sigh. this was his fault and he wasn't even feeling the effect of the chocolate as much as you were... this was literally unfair.

you tried, you really did. each passing minute was absolute torture as the hotness inside of you kept throbbing and building up over time. you crossed your legs, wiggled your hips, curling and uncurling yourself. you bet that you looked rather silly next to korekiyo who just leaned his elbow against the arm of the sofa, eyes trained on the TV screen. he was still sweating and red in the face, but compared to you he was an unmoving shape. you cleared your throat to hide the groan that wanted to come out of you, nails digging into your pants as your breathing simply got heavier and heavier. you were about to cry out 'I can't take it anymore!' until long fingers grasped your thigh.

"my darling..." korekiyo whispered in your ear, even through his mask you felt his warm breath against your skin. you shuddered, eyes darting down to his hand on your thigh then to his face. his serpent eyes observed your face and every detail on it, somehow that made you even more aroused. "you can not hold on any longer, can you?" he asked with a cock of his head. he was smug... he knew that it was his fault you were this way, it was his mistake yet he was relishing in your crazed state. he enjoyed watching how your eyes darted around, the sweat rolling down your face; the way your shaking leg felt in his hand. he enjoyed it, thoroughly.

finally, you swallowed the lump in your throat and you nodded feverishly. "I-I can't.. can't handle it anymore, kiyo..." you whined, eyes completely glossed over. "please get rid of this pain..."

you saw his eyes narrow once you said that. you couldn't even make out what kind of expression he was making, whether he was smiling or frowning. either way, he knew he felt the same by the shape in his pants. "oh..." he sighed, dramatically leaning his cheek into his hand. "what a beautiful song that is, yes... hearing you utter your pleads and begs... reminds me of a song I once-"

"kiyo!!"

he was a smug bastard but he knew better than to push your buttons especially when you are in this state. with an amused crease in his eyes he pulled you into his lap, your back against his front as both your frames fit together perfectly. "i can already feel your excitement just from where I'm sat..." he dragged a finger up your inner thigh and you arched your back against him, letting out the cutest whine for him. however, he brought his hands away from your legs and settled them on your waist. "tsk.. tsk... this is what happens when you get hasty with your chocolate, my dear." you were getting impatient and getting tired of his teasing. you whimpered, staring to roll your hips into his lap just to feel something even if it was through clothing. you heard him groan just a bit behind you and it sent shivers up your spine. one of his hands on your waist travelled upwards under your shirt, your skin felt so hot against his touch and if he didn't know any better he would assume you were terribly ill. your stomach muscles flexed and twitched under his touch, you couldn't even bite back the moan that escaped you when his fingers traced your ribs.

"sensitive, are we?" he chuckled, pressing his lips underneath your earlobe. when did he take his mask off? "b-be quiet..." you grumbled, only to get punished by his fingers touching your chest. your breath hitched in genuine shock when his hand escaped from your shirt. "k-kiyo-" you were cut off from his hand grasping your chin, squeezing your cheeks with his index and thumb. for a lanky guy, he sure has a strong grip. you heard a familiar snap and the taste of chocolate on your lips.

"open wide, dear..." he whispered. he... he was feeding you another chocolate...? this bitch. but like a good puppy you opened your mouth and let the tainted chocolate fall onto your tongue to melt on your mouth. you couldn't see his face however you were certain he had the most satisfied smile on his face right now. "good, now... let me take care of you, my fine artifact..." his lips travelled the base of your neck as his hands made good work to undo your pants for easier access. you whined and cried for more, your hips kept trying to get some kind of friction even if it was just his erection against your ass, it would help. his fingers curved underneath all of the fabric, opening your legs wider just for him. your entire body jolted as you threw your head back against his shoulder, letting out a cacophony of noises as his fingers tenderly stroked where you needed them most. you didn't even know how to react, your legs shook and you practically bounced on his lap as you rock your hips against his hand. his soft groans stimulated you further, that painful knot in your stomach was growing tighter each passing moment he touched you.

he certainly recognised this, ceasing his attack on your neck to hush words into your ear. "are you close... dear?" his words were quiet yet you nearly screamed your own. "y-yes! so close... p-please don't stop, kiyo!" you cried, hand flying backwards to go around the back of korekiyo's neck. he chuckled like a devil, quickening the pace of his strokes on your sweet spots. it made your sex twitch and throb like none other time before. you whined and babbled to him, repeating that you didn't want him to stop, that you were close.

your eyes went crisscrossed and you practically squealed as your climax came to you like a truck, rolling out in waves whilst your hips grinded against his hand. "f-fuck! fuck! kiyo!" your entire body shuddered, calming yourself now as your eyes closed in bliss. that burning feeling in your stomach was still there but it was certainly less painful now. you heard korekiyo chuckle behind you, that was when you came to the realisation how flustered you were.

"you made quite a mess." kiyo teased you, sliding his now messy hand from your undergarments. you were about to give him some immense sass until you felt him tugging you closer. "but I believe it's my turn now." ⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡

-Mod Kirumi

#mod kirumi #danganronpa #oneshot #korekiyo shinguuji #korekiyo x reader #korekiyo shinguuji x reader #danganronpa imagines #danganronpa headcanons #v3 killing harmony #danganronpa v3

[toournextadventure]

MY BAD THIS IS LONGER THAN USUAL

ok so obviously for prof to be that strong they have to work out like.. obviously u can't spawn muscles

So I can just imagine prof working out (profnis a nerd they calculate the force and gravitational force thing needed to lift the weight like the whole ass 115 lbs times 9.8m/s means that I need to lift at blah blah blah blah)

And Sam is still kind of worked up from the door thing, and they r at profs place anyway (prof is too shy to workout in a gym bc the other people looking at this giant casually lifting while fully listening to you belong with me or spice girls makes them nervous (what are they looking at is there something on my face) and also asking for a spot while lifting makes them sooo anxious, so they built their own half assed gym made of eh material until Joker found out this and got concerned about all the seriously dangerous things in there and used some of the "accounting" money to buy the highest end equipment they could for prof which ended up in them both in tears and calling eachother bro twice in every sentence and prof giving J a key bc "you bought it so you should be able to use it bro and are you really not gonna be my workout bro bro?" "of course bro I got your back bro" I got sidetracked sorry) and so anyway Sam is worked up and sees prof coming out of the gym all sweaty and simply melts (I fully think Sam is a power bottom too) and needs to feel prof against her and needs to feel the pumped sweaty muscles against her and absolutely needs to feel the slightly bitten lips of prof pressed against her. She also wants to feel..small in a way. and prof bless their heart is so gentle sometimes but this time they must feel the urgency in the kiss because all of a sudden prof is backing them against a door and slamming her hips back before working their thigh between her knees and against her and oh the height different doesn't let her feet reach the ground all the way but let's her press and move against the muscled thigh in the best way (prof is tall in my head) and she has to smile into and almost out of the kiss because she remembers who shes dating again when she feels profs hand leave her hips for one second to put their hand right behind where her head was about to smack against the wall before gently letting it down onto the wall before asking in between kisses "if this is okay" and getting a half whisper half groan of a yes and tilting her head back to the side to make room for prof to make their way down her neck marking up as much as they can stopping in certain places that they know sam is weak for and stopping sam's hips from speeding up because no, not yet (and also because after the first time they had sex prof wrote in a notebook a list and outline of things that sam liked and disliked and prof aspires to be better each and every time). Prof is reveling in the noise thats coming from sam slightly parted lips and the hands that squeezing and touching and stroking all of the different body parts that Sam can reach before she has finally had enough of the shirt that profs wearing and breaks the kiss to pull it off. In the split second that it takes to take that shirt off sam can finally finally see and feel all of prof and the sweat dripping down them. and while sam gapes at them for a second prof realizes that they have class. and then they are stuck between wanting to stay here with sam and knowing that its the last review class for their class before the final so all prof can do is lead them into the shower before finally FINALLY ravaging Sam the way that she wanted.

after the shower prof walks out with this dopey smile and sam is now in the tub cause walking is a little hard for her right now and the lavender scented Epsom salt bath that prof left for Sam before scuttling away to make her coffee and "breakfast in bath because I want to have breakfast in bed with you but I can't cuddle you there so what's even the point"

I want you to know THIS? This has got me thinkin about things because my GOD is this perfect for them. You got me plannin a oneshot about this, hope you're happy ✋️

#sam answers

[herotome]

Devlog #123

Hi-ho, Wudge here.

So... it's out! If you somehow haven't heard despite my modest-yet-incessant marketing efforts, Herotome's Super Demo is now out on itch.io!

People seem to really enjoy the game. My notifications are blowing up. Everything seems to be going really well - it's all coming up Wudge, one might say!

Which means it's time to talk about 𝓜𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓪𝓵 𝓘𝓵𝓵𝓷𝓮𝓼𝓼.~

Y'all weren't expecting that one, were ya? Boom, baby! Haha!!!

So, let me know if this sounds familiar: I spend most of my waking moments worrying that something bad is going to happen. I'm perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop. (Thank you to @hummingbird-games for reminding me that idiom exists, and taking it in good humor when I excitedly babbled that "YES! It's like there's this giant centipede with shoes in my ceiling and I'm convinced I hear him walking around and someday, someday he's gonna throw all his shoes at me like that one guy did to George Bush--!"

...I'm worried that someone is going to find a reason to be rightfully angry with me. I'm worried that, through the mortifying ordeal of being known, I will be punished with the harrowing gauntlet of rejection and misery. I worry that, any day now, I'm going to get a random half-thought-out message that obliterates my heart into smithereens and kills me on the spot. I am a sea slug, cautiously edging a tendril into the light and praying not to be noticed by the eldritch fish above that will devour me in a single gulp.

I find myself flinching even when there isn't a blow coming.

Putting out a piece of yourself for the public to consume is really fucking terrifying. I did it anyway, which is cool of me, but I want to make it known that there is not eternal bliss and satisfaction and rose petals on the other side. Is this better than my cave of solitude and darkness I emerged from? I think so. But I'm still perpetually scared, as Toby Fox might once have described it, "like a small dog startled by a thunder storm."

I'm still really tired, too.

I don't write this to complain; I'm conscious that some people are now looking up to me and the way I do things, and I want to be transparent. I don't want anyone to think I'm perfect or have always been perfect and will always be perfect, or that I've ~found happiness~.

I'm not. I have never been. I will never be. I haven't.

But I'm okay, at least. I'm okay and I'll be okay, and I'm grateful to you all. Every single one of you. Thank you for not submitting me to the harrowing gauntlet of rejection and misery…yet.  :^)

Alright what's the takeaway here. Uhm.

Be yourself! Follow your dreams! Never give up!!!

That's sincerely what I'm trying to do. It's a challenge every single day; I have to choose Herotome every single day (something something married to my own game blah blah blah). It is worth it. And I believe in you - assuming you're not a cannibal or a murder or, worst of all, a plagiarist (gasp!) or anything else terrible and bad - I believe in you. (… But honestly, I'd believe in you if you were a bad person too, I'd believe in you to continue to do bad things but I'd hope that you'll stop and turn yourself in to the proper authorities lmao…)

… I went on a weird tangent again…

I don’t know if any of this is making sense. Maybe it will be insightful to someone out there, maybe it won't.

I uh, did some writing for the next part of the game, and I plan on working on some character expressions today in honor of my Ko-Fi donators.

Oh, and there's gonna be a stream on Wednesday 10pm Pacific. I'll be there! Come say hi and please don't squish me!

… Yeah that's all I can think of writing for now. I absolutely wish you all the best with every speck of love I have in my current flesh prison.

Tata for now. Stay safe and keep warm,

Wudge.

#Im also conscious of things I said I was gonna do but never got around to doing and worry its wavering at the brim of my memory and someday #it will fall and crush me underneath-- #dskjfbskj anyway #herotome update #I am full of worries and demons. better than I used to be (less demons) but they are still here #I would take selfies with them and show you all if I could

[marengogo]

one of the things that social media training aims is -

Cultivating proper social media etiquette :- social media can make or break celebraties, especially today. With the help of media training, celebraties can learn how to properly engage with people on social media.

that's what a internet says. and if you're sharing content from fans that smh implies that you're endorsing content from said fan accounts. you might not think this way but many do and the Thousands of comments on that @/taekookupdate accounts do feel the same.

about the comment on @/chikoritajjk yes it was necessary and needed cause i have ignored their comment last time to my ask i sent to someone but everytime it can't be the solution right? and if you think my tone was wrong let me tell you chikoritajjk ain't a saint where they talk with "let's have discussion" kinda thing cause i do remember when i sent an ask to someone to which they replied their tone was "what the hell people think they're? do think they have right to do this that, why do they think so Highly of themselves blah blah" and in my whole ask i never once used any curse language or accusatory tone in my that ask but chikoritajjk decided to reply with that tone so i know better. i ignored them last time and even this time i didn't say anything bad to them. i also have all the rights to comment on people who replies to my ask as chikoritajjk did so yes it was needed. they would be surprised to know how many times they have agreed to my other asks i have sent to other people where they have commented with "agreee 💯" like many times and that was the reason i ignored their comment on one of my ask i sent to other blog thinking that everyone is not gonna agree with you every single time.

idt there's further discussion needed on this topic cause atleast I'm done with this. i believe what i believe and nothing is going to change that so I'm putting this at rest from my side. this will be my last reply that's it.

⚠️WARNING⚠️ : Heavy cynicism up ahead, proceed with caution!

Hello Anon & Everyone, 

As promised, the following are my points to your ask, replied under your self-declared last post for this topic. So let’s go out with a bang shall we?

"why are you here if you think you're right" because i saw you saying that "Imagine if i have to check every acct i post from......" Thing where you directly indirectly said some people who think like this ain't gonna survive if jkk turned out to be not dating so i replied cause I'm a jkkr and no i don't think they're dating and i also do think tae should have double checked the acct before reposting. 

I will admit, this part had me a little confused. How did I indirectly say anything? I clearly said, and I repeat, some people will not survive if jikook turns out to not be real. Some people, such as myself, won’t if JK & JM turn out to just be friends, because we love them regardless. Some people, such as whoever person in the world to whom this may apply, will have existential crisis if JK & JM turn out to not be lovers. How am I responsible for the fact that you decided to associate yourself with the second group? If you don’t relate, don’t retaliate … I’ll keep repeating this until it sinks. If you are part of the first group of some people and being disappointed in Tae, then be part of that, or any other combination. That’s why I said some, because obviously I didn’t mean all … not sure how else to explain this but I hope it makes sense.

So i thought blogs are where you have discussions even when you're not agreeing to things so i did that but just got to know that you're supposed to block and scroll down.

 … We’ve already discussed this part in my previous answer. If you want to discuss, let’s discuss. If you come out gun blazing, let’s have a shoot out yadda yadda yadda. 

"the problem is is that the account is shipper account and no one's ready to have that conversation" for some people it might be like that but since you replied to my ask saying this let me clear this that i don't care if he's posting from shipper acct or any kind of acct my problem is that is anti and now unintentionally it got 42k around followers space where people belive he posted it after checking the acct so now they have all the rights to continue their hate. 

You see … damn … you almost had a point, but you fumbled the ball. So it is not about the fact that they are a shipper, which is the only thing that Tae could have assumed scrolling “really quickly” on a picture app, because i mean if the page is called taekook and in the first couple of pictures is only JK and Tae, not in NSFW, one could also, at the very least, think that this is a Tae and JK biased account, cus, what type of picture screams ANTI!? The pinned post, the english one. You will agree with me that it would take more than 3 seconds for a non english speaker to figure that one out, right? So if he by chance just so happened to keep opening posts with english written letters, and he has only so much time in a day in the military and all he is just not going to interact with ARMY because SOME ARMY have made it so that this fandom at the moment is a trap after trap after trap? … OH BTW, IF I EVER GET THE APPROPRIATE TIME AGAIN, I’M COMING FOR SOME OF Y’ALL IN TWITTER ARMY! 😎… Because YES, once again, it could have been the page of someone very dangerous, all the likes we listed previously, BUT as you just admitted is not even/really/primarily that, it’s more the fact that this is a JM anti hence the perpetuation of JM’s hatred for lack of Media training, which should have thought each member how to avoid situations where they cause endorsed hatred (I’m assuming you mean that for every member by the way) those are not the words you chose, but I think I summaries it quite well, which brings us to our next point:

Yes he's not responsible for what people think but he's responsible for what he posts. Media training is there for a reason if he had time to check his name tag I'm sure more 10 sec wouldn't have caused much problem. You said one scroll always don't tell you about the acct which i agree and i would have been fine again if those anti posts were down the page i would have assumed he didn't scroll that down and it's fine but ths posts are up there so in this case 10 sec would have been enough.

 You know who has the most effective and I’d dare say perfect Media Training? According to your internet search: Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter. Don’t interact with anyone. Don’t go for interviews. Don’t stop for nobody. Just post pictures and keep it moving. But BTS is not like that is it? BTS loves interacting with ARMY, and ARMY loves interacting with BTS. It’s just how our fandom is right? As the fandom got bigger and deranged, some things had to change them leaving Twitter, for example … but no matter the threat, the hate, the dragging, they keep coming to us because it is not all of ARMY, it is SOME ARMY which can y’all even be called ARMY at this point? 

Furthermore, not tryna throw JM under the bus but, wouldn’t you agree with me that every time that JM mentjons JK, he causes so much dragging, we’d get ot the core of planet Earth? Is JM endorsing himself being dragged? Or dragging JK at that, are we getting a 2 for 1 coupon? I mean, that letter he sent, according to your definition of media training was waaaay off the mark if you ask me. I’m I implying that JM doesn’t have the right to talk about whatever the fuck he wants, whenever the fuck he wants when it is something related to himself, even if it will MOST CERTAINLY cause dragging? Many of you out there don’t realise that VMIN are actually different sides of the same coin, or ying-yang, etc. You’d think by now some of y’all would have noticed, but … 

AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED WITH IU’S!! HOW COULD SHE!!! In her new song, the one that is going to come out on the 24th you know? Love Wins All, is presently the craze of some tkk shippers because IU is wearing a lip ring, a black hoodie and seems to be very comfy with a camera; I mean ... JK much so then ... is Tae JM? (His outfit thus far seems to match with something JM would wear, so hey! YOU NEVER KNOW 🤡🤡🤡)? That’s what they are obviously adding dots to, because you know JK is the only to have ever wore a lip ring, with a hoodie while being interested in filming 🤡🤡🤡… Media Training classes had the lowest attendance in the history of SK if you ASK ME! … Students nowadays! Honestly, no respect! We should bring back hand smacking I tell you!

I hate it when people thinks that just because we're pointing out something it's gotta have something to do with "shipping" when we don't care about it that's why i replied. That's all i wanted to clear although i do have things to say but it's waste of time so it's agree to disagree situation.

If that’s how you feel, you are free to feel however you want to feel. If I could suggest something though, you could really benefit with substituting ALL/WE with SOME/I cause who is we? Some of Twitter “ARMY” we? I’ll have you know that some of the people who were disappointed in Tae did not feel how you did and there was definitely no projection on their part, so just putting that out there. Also, start caring less about what people think, I believe BTS has had to embrace this particular thought process in order to be able to carry on. It can be difficult at times, and you’ll need lots of practice, but it can be done TRUST ME, or don’t! up to you. 

about the comment on @/chikoritajjk yes it was necessary and needed cause i have ignored their comment last time to my ask i sent to someone but everytime it can't be the solution right? and if you think my tone was wrong let me tell you chikoritajjk ain't a saint where they talk with "let's have discussion" kinda thing cause i do remember when i sent an ask to someone to which they replied their tone was "what the hell people think they're? do think they have right to do this that, why do they think so Highly of themselves blah blah" and in my whole ask i never once used any curse language or accusatory tone in my that ask but chikoritajjk decided to reply with that tone so i know better. i ignored them last time and even this time i didn't say anything bad to them. i also have all the rights to comment on people who replies to my ask as chikoritajjk did so yes it was needed. they would be surprised to know how many times they have agreed to my other asks i have sent to other people where they have commented with "agreee 💯" like many times and that was the reason i ignored their comment on one of my ask i sent to other blog thinking that everyone is not gonna agree with you every single time. 

I don’t know what you wrote, but cursing isn’t the only grammatical structure which makes a sentence offensive, people have different triggers, unfortunately you can’t know what triggers people so that hard, but for example some people might find my post highly triggering with my use of cynicism, but at least I had a disclaimer 🤡. But anyways, what is this? Are you trying to have a ah-ha! moment with them because they happened to agree with something you said, while they disagreed with something else you said? Are two people meant to agree/disagree with the same thing all the time in order to get along/ not to be considered whatever it is you think they are...? I know you can’t be implying this, so I will not do you the dishonour and keep it moving. 

Aaand it seems we’ve reached the end. Glad we’ve now finally put this topic behind us as per your decision. Keep supporting, and fighting for JM. I mean it. If what you, and some of y’all, have been doing thus far hasn’t been working, I’d maybe sit down and figure out other ways to get to the root of the issue reporting accounts and a less blaming/projecting type of approach in spreading awareness do the job they are meant to, it may not seem so, but they do as long as it is done. Fighting!

Always respectfully yours,

Best regards,

Marengo.

#people who are lost

[sxslave4all]

This is/has took forever to type as I had to watch it was so mmmmm and knowing both would be having my mouth on them soon for this ho’s cum cleanup use. I almost came without touch. People say him and I are perfect looking couple….if they only knew couple would be stretching our title. I’m his toy, cum drinker, foot fucker, frustration absorber, anger post to use when in bad mood and can’t hurt the one that caused it so that’s what I’m for happy sad mad horny USE ME and I’m a rough sex / bdsm/bi/public humiliation type cum dumpster. Whip me and then let me suck your dick while you watch tv, eat, play on phones, watch porn just make my mouth and the rest be of use. These women messaging me with oh that’s terrible 🙄. Trust he wouldn’t remotely treat me anything but perfect until I told him what I like sexually and in general as a relationship-lovey, touchy, etc. my answer was beat me use me degraded makes me feel amazing. So why live a lie and play sweet vanilla when I want sizzling ghost pepper levels 🤷🏼‍♀️. I was trained young by my first boyfriend whom I was with for years. Once he was vanilla soon as done he said I can’t play a game-I want a whore who loves pain, fuck and suck on demand, will do women w me, someone who does everything I say and want no attitude whining or saying no. You disobey your punishment will be bad. You’d be taught that pain is also pleasure but also believe I’m the male your not so shut up and don’t open your mouth til I need it. You just look pretty and obey. You stay naked always at home and no matter whose there-naked. You fuck whoever and WHATever I tell you wherever however whenever I demand it. Cnc is a factor with some rough things I’ll set up to be done to you sometimes quietly or at a club or sometimes grabbed by a group while u walk to get my smokes half dressed also required. Nipples must always be hard and perfectly visible thru shirt. Skirt no panties and if you bend even a bit you’re on display and stilettosif out You’ll let them do what they want to you then come home get undressed…crawl to me and fkn apologize for them grabbing and having your body, yes you’ll apologize and beg me to give you punishment for a week, then you’ll straddle my leg ask nicely for my foot and rub yourself with it then you’d suck me for hours well I tell ya how awful that was of YOU to entice them. But one day it’ll happen and suddenly you’ll almost cum in excitement cause you love it. I’d whip you, restrain and tie you, I’d deny you then tie you down and put a vibe on your clit and leave for a bit while you cum 20+ times an hour. You’ll be used.By time he was done talking I was stunned. Suddenly he asked if I wanted a taste before deciding-seeing that secretly for some reason it was the biggest turn on. Dated broke upFound him married him divorced when he moved But he’s who finds my current owner. As it’s not easy to find men who want it 24/7 or rough and like my ex, for me it’s a 300 page contract. Do it all or none. So judge me cause I’m a slut I’m a toy. I enjoy punishment especially the worst ones. Judge me for getting off on it. I’m a tramp w holes for men why would I want it different? He’s the man. I’m his. Completely. And judge me for licking pussy and sucking dick—but i aint changing none of it. Having women involved is fkn hot sometimes I love watching his dick penetrating her and talking sweet blah the things I don’t want so he deserves to get those filled Shes more degrading She fills a need in me. And he provides everything for me and would buy me —what I want isn’t at a jewelry store it’s at a bdsm show. It’s who I am and it makes me hot and horny every day since my first. Thank goodness as my purpose starts with a collar, my knees and holes with a side of tits. So know I can’t wait to feel hit by the sting of a belt or inserting something in me and watching him get a kick from it. I’m here to make him happy so if he’s mad beat me til he’s not is my motto. Consent-means a huge difference it’s Shit we agreed on. Occasionally I get the smack across the face 😘

#use me however you want #lesbian sex #free use fantasy #praise k!nk #cnc sub #free use slvt #bd/sm rope #roped girl #ropeplay #degrade and humiliate me #degradation k1nk #degrading k1nk #bd/sm community #bd/sm brat #bd/sm dynamic #bd/sm kink #bd/sm pet #bd/sm relationship #bd/sm slave

[euphorial-docx]

ok maybe i’ve just been seeing way too many twitter arguments about this, arguments which i don’t think really exist on tumblr, but i guess i wanted to share my opinion here.

when i was reading atyd a few years ago, i never read the characters being misogynistic in a “oh this author must hate women” type of way and more in a “sometimes people in the 70s were misogynistic without even realizing it” way.

like… i don’t get it when that’s included as like a “problematic” feature of the fic, because i felt it was realistic and i feel strongly that writers can write bad characters/bad things without they themself agreeing with those characters and things.

i simply don’t think writing something bad = endorsing it.

idk maybe it’s been a while since i last read atyd, and i know it does have some poor representation in other areas, but i never really felt offended as a “woman” (whatever that even means for me) when the characters said some misogynistic stuff because i just accepted the fic as a period piece trying to be somewhat realistic. like i’m sorry, a lot of guys in the 70s said some weird shit about women— yes, probably even the guys you like. ofc not every author has to be realistic about that stuff, but clearly a little bit of realism was an aim for atyd, and i don’t think that’s bad.

even in my own writing, i write stuff i don’t agree with. for example: opev. regulus is very progressive in that story because of his education and blah blah blah, and yet he still treats women, namely emma, in a way that i don’t necessarily like. i would never treat someone like that, but i realize that not only is the time period’s views different from now but also regulus has his own personal reasons to be behaving the way he does. i also write stuff like murder and cannibalism… but i am very against killing people and i am vegetarian. clearly i do not practice the things i write in my personal life.

i’m just telling a story that happens to have complex behaviors that i don’t really like but wanted to explore. i think, in some instances (although not all instances; there definitely are some real issues sometimes), that’s what happened in other fics like atyd.

(side note: i also don’t get it when people say atyd was biphobic? again, maybe it’s just been a while and i’m forgetting shit, but is the biphobia supposed to be remus sleeping with women when he labels himself gay??? is that the biphobia? or is there another example? i’ve been seeing that and i’m confused.)

(additional note: atyd does have some hurtful things written in it. my brain goes to the representation of irish travelers first. the writer themself has even acknowledged that. the issue of their apology or whatever isn’t one i’m going to be arguing, neither is those real hurtful issues otherwise written in that fic— i agree those things should’ve been handled better. this is just about my take on the depictions of misogyny and writers being allowed to write bad things without it being representative of them as a person.)

[quidfree]

I'm rereading TSH after a few years and I used to love Henry but at a second glance he's so. Annoying. Im only halfway through the book but every time he says something it just sounds fake and like he's trying reallyyy hard to fake human emotion or lying about something to manipulate someone and it's just not. Convincing. Do u get what I mean?

had to go dig up the 10 page tsh retrospective i wrote for / inflicted on @dharmawangsa way back in 2021 right after finishing tsh just to demonstrate that even richard's hard-on for him Never conned me into buying henry's schtick. for all that he's smart and funny and has gravitas he's also just a rich kid LARPing at the end of the day.

that said it's not like i dislike him as a character- for one thing he's sooooo funny. and he has his moments, esp in part 1, of just being in on the joke or otherwise compelling. it's hard to argue that he's not one of the standout characters of the book, for as dominant as he is. he's at his best when he's interacting with people who aren't all that bothered by his Vibe- bunny, francis sometimes, richard in a bad mood- bc he's more of a real person then.

to-date i still find it hard to make my mind up abt henry, as per my ramblings in the screenshot. i don't know if tartt intended for the characters to undergo such a jarring shift between the start and end of the book- to some extent obviously yes, bc blah blah richard disillusionment, but with henry and charles specifically it feels a little unearned, like we could have used a bit more development on how the two sides of them coexist. but it left me with a lot of questions and i don't think all of them can be put down simply to the general ambiguities inherent in the book and/or narration.

that said, for me i think my biggest / realest gripe w henry is that he's the self-assigned team leader but he is consistently the one causing problems (he sets up the bacchanal! bunny reads his diary! it's his idea to kill bunny!) and then resolutely not managing the emotional fall-out bc he sees it as Not A Real Problem that affects him. like no, henry, you can't mastermind elaborate schemes & rope your friends in and then leave them to break down completely while you blossom as a juvenile murderer and make quips about gardening. fuck off. i think by his suicide he may have wised up a little to the mess he'd made, but it was also a convenient escape allowing him to die a hero rather than face mundane punishment.

...then again all 3 tsh personality quizzes i've taken have assigned me with henry so maybe i just need to talk to a therapist.

#qui parle #qui répond #tsh #the secret history #henry winter #idk what his deal is. really. mr moon landing. dog poisoner. etc.

[kutputli]

One thing I haven't seen discussed that I'd love to get your thoughts on is the other side of the coaches' discussion on how to fit Zava into the lineup. The focus tends to be on the general dismissiveness of Jamie, which is pretty rude when he has legitimate concerns, and that makes sense to me, given the coaches' original plan very much did not pan out, but I find the "we'll move back Dani because he'll take it better" kind of troubling? As a brown woman in tech, I am super sensitive to stuff like this - I have to be accommodating so as to not appear "difficult", but doing so enables people to continue to ask me to do the least desirable or relevant tasks. Dani is a striker! There's a case to be made he's better than Jamie. But this bit made it seem like Dani was being punished for his greatest strength.

(Hello, first ask I've ever received! I feel initiated into some kind of tumblr levelled up community :p)

So yeah, as I said in this post, Dani has been poorly treated by his coaches. First of all, making a decision based on who is going to act out more is just encouraging people to act out since their tantrums get accommodated for. It's a bad strategy when teaching pre-schoolers and its a stupid way to coach actual adults. And yes blah blah it does Jamie a disservice because he is demonstrating maturity, but it does Dani a real wrong because it prioritises his emotional nature off the field over his talent on it.

The show and the fandom consistently treat Dani like a childlike, happy-go-lucky 'raven haired golden retriever' and I've enjoyed the wide-eyed enthusiasm Cristo injects to the role as much as anyone. The show is a comedy, after all, and all the actors get to ham it up a little bit, as a treat.

But is Dani's affable nature his greatest strength? Or is it his passion for football, which drives him to subsume any negative emotion that might interfere with his learning? He ignores Jamie's rudeness and sets out immediately to build a bond enough to train with him, because he knows who the best player in his new team is, and he wants to push himself. When his hero Zava joins the team, he turns himself into a sponge - sure, its funny in the dressing room, but what skills is he teaching himself on the field? His coaches don't notice, aren't encouraging him, aren't suggesting Zava take him under his wing. Roy offers extra training to Jamie because of an emotional connection he feels with Jamie's discontent. But why didn't Roy push Jamie and Dani more beforehand, if they were capable of being better? (And do it on the record, so he could be paid for it? Unpaid labour as emotional favours is a theme in this show.) Why does a hunger to improve seem visible in a white player who demands to be coached and pushes for change, but is invisible in a brown player who gently and politely as the grass roots himself into the richest source of information and education?

So one of the (many) depressing stories from the Mahabharat is that of Ekalavya. Talented archer who wanted to learn from the best, so he went to Drona, who was coaching the royal princes the Pandavs and the Kauravs. Humbly asked for permission to learn, was rudely refused because Drona was a casteist Brahmin who only taught Kshatriya royalty and Ekalavya was from an oppressed tribal caste.

Ekalavya meekly went away, built a statue of Drona, treated it as his guru and practised in front of it every day, and became the best archer in the world. Better than Arjun, the teacher's pet. So of course when Drona found out, he went and demanded a gurudakshina - a teacher's fee. Ekalavya said, sure, whatever you want, and Drona asked for his right thumb.

Oh. Ekalavya said. Ok, Ekalavya said. And he cut off his archer's thumb with his own arrow, and laid it before his teacher's feet, so that Drona could now reassure Arjun that he was now the best archer in the world, because why build someone up when you can tear someone else down.

And then Ekalavya went back to the forest and learned (taught himself, again, as always) how to shoot with his left hand. Some of the people wronged by Drona and the Pandavas got their revenge in the Mahabharat battle, but there is no mention of Ekalavya there.

Ekalavya was from a skilled tribe of hunters. For him, archery was life.

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #dani rojas #answered asks #ekalavya

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Yesterday I took a quick walk to the swamp because Mom had been too weak to talk long.

The western section of the swamp, the one effected by the “new”** beaver dam, had dropped 2 feet in water level in just two days. That means something has happened dam, and most probably the recent local kill the beavers/clear the swamps has started to hit close to home….

So, I was upset. But, interestingly, it has had a good side.

Today Mom was in a bad way. When I called Mom said nothing and my sister-in-law took the phone. She told me Mom was doing her “fish impression”, gasping for air more than breathing, and it probably wasn’t worth trying today because she couldn’t talk and wouldn’t be listening much. She suggested I just try again tomorrow, but I said I wanted to just talk at her for 5 minutes. Just so she could hear me and know I love her….

The phone was set be her head and I started what I expected to be a short monologue to silence. And it sure seemed to be just that, until I started telling her about the beavers. She was unhappy to hear about it and started talking!

Mom and I not only talked a while about that, but then about stuff I’d been working on, stuff I have planned to do, the news, what I watched last night***, and eventually back to reading to her****. I had gone in expecting to too not hear her say anything, and struggle at five minutes, but we went on for nearly 1 1/2 hrs with her still able to say goodbye!

So, basically, I think getting her emotionally hooked with the drained bit of swamp made her feel she needed to talk about it, which in turn gave her the push she needed. Yes, she is incredibly weak and found breathing hard, but sometimes the right motivation can really help.

Funny though, isn’t it? One day something makes me sad, and the next I am so very glad I had it to talk about.

**There are three beaver dams on the swamp along our place:

The “old” dam. It was created something like twenty or twenty five years ago. I’d go every single day to break a hole in it. That sounds like I had it in for the beavers, but actually I was trying to protect them. I knew if the water level got visibly from high nearby road people would “do” something. Then the government decided after a hurricane to use funds to clear the swamps. They were supposed to leave the beavers be, BUT the idiots doing it couldn’t tell a beaver dam if their lives depended on it. “it wasn’t a beaver dam. It was just mud and sticks!” they told Pop. And that was that for beavers for many years.

The “current” dam. When beavers finally returned they build their new dam down stream. This is the one that you see in photos I post, the one that created the lovely pond and where I has been watching the beavers swimming around. The place with the irises and my favorite tree to flop next to. This dam was safe, too far away to effect the road and with the neighbors, being duck hunters, glad it’s there.

The “new” dam. This one was started a couple years ago down stream, close to the western border to our property. It had been “under construction” before I discovered it. I wondered if it was just the next generation moving on their own home or what. That section is still full of trees because the ponding hasn’t been going on that long and it wasn’t as deep yet.

*** “Flight of the Conchords” is my current tv watching. Movie wise things have been disappointing, but this show has been making up for blah movies.

My movie comments were (to use one example..Movie: Company Business) “I hadn’t noticed Mikhail Baryshnikov is short, and I thought he looked about the same height as David McCallum, and OMG they were they WERE the same height! And I swear that movie script was unfinished, like there was stuff that felt like writer place holders to figure out later only they didn’t…which is weird since the writer was also the director. Pity, as a spy movie set in that very specific period where the cold war was ending and no one knew what would come next, with an American and Russian bonding in a thriller/comedy/buddy picture sounds fun.”

I swear, every movie I’ve seen lately (old, new, prehistoric) has ended up with me saying “pity”.

**** Still Terry Pratchett’s The Truth. Mom has had some bad days lately, so we haven’t finished it yet. There was a chunk today about the public not caring as much as out hero about the news he writes, and how no matter how imperfect the Patrician is, how much worse other leaders had been and very likely could be….well, it felt very relevant!

#my day #rambles #mom #beavers #family #conversations

[hoetolegist]

Okay so… I have a twilight- JASPER HALE, request where it’s like, the reader (any gender- idc) and their Indian and their super insecure about their culture, looks, and skin color and their insecurities only get larger when JESSICA STANLEY insults them about being Indian and so they distances themself from Jasper and all the Cullens who love y/n more than Bella. And then Jasper, being heartbroken turns into the major and demands why they’ve been ignoring him and they’ll like, burst into tears and explained what happens and he’ll be so mad and feel bad for yelling at them it’s all cute and fluffy at the end cause he tells them HE LOVES them AND INDIA and it ends in rough, loving smut But it doesn’t have to be Jasper it can be Stefan Salvatore or Steve rogers or blah blah blah but i’d prefer one of those three especially the vampires

Title: You're beautiful to me

Summary: an Indian teenage girl moves to a small town where she's seen as different. Can she get through it with her best friend by her side

The smut is so anticlimactic I rushed the ending 😭 I'm sorry

~

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is what they always say. "Stop saying stuff like that, you're pretty" they repeat every time you feel off about yourself but none of that helps. None of that stops you from knowing that you just aren't that attractive and that guys wouldn't even look at you twice. You honestly wouldn't even consider yourself average, you have a big nose, thick eyebrows, big puffy lips, shabby hair and dark skin that irritates you to no end

Everyone around you has milky white skin that dazzled in the sunlight but you and your family are so dark. Your family moved to Forks, Washington a few years ago because your mom wanted to see things outside of India, she wanted to explore and make her pottery business worldwide. When you first moved here you immediately noticed how different it was. It was very dull, always raining and surrounded by rainforest

You eventually got used to it and the humidity stopped bothering you the way it did at first. Your first day of school was hectic, you saw and felt people staring at you all day. They were whispering and pointing and you didn't know wether it was because they liked you or because they disliked you. Now you've also gotten used to the stares which still often happen but now they probably stare more because of who your best friend is

"Hey! Are you ready to go?" You heard a deep voice shout from the other side of your door. You looked around, making sure that you had your backpack and your keys. You opened your door to a tall, gorgeous man smiling down at you, leaning up against the door frame. "Yes I'm ready Jas, we have to stop somewhere for breakfast though" you replied to him

Jasper Hale was your first friend here in this small town. When you first saw him you thought he was so beautiful and to this day he still has such inhuman beauty. There was just no way he could be real! He has this pale marble-like skin, wavey honey blonde hair that fell just a few inches above his collarbone and the prettiest golden brown eyes that glisten in the sun

Maybe you kind of had a tiny crush on him but you'd never even think about acting on it

-

Chemistry class is so boring and you have no friends in here. You looked toward the door and saw Jasper walk past, oh good he's out. Your hand quickly shot up "may I go to the restroom?" the teacher stopped talking and pushed her glasses up "yes go ahead. Take the pass and if you're gone for more than-" you were already out of the room before she could finish

You practically skipped down the hallway with the biggest smile on your face but your smile slowly faded as you turned the corner and spotted him walking hand in hand with the one person you hated most, Jessica Stanley. She's such a bitch! She always has something to say about you. She cracks non stop jokes about your hair, your clothes, your skin, everything. It's annoying

Before you could turn around and sneak back to class you saw her glance back then stop walking. "Oh if it isn't y/n" she said as she dramatically turned around, her hand still in Jaspers. You rolled your eyes and turned around to start walking back. "Don't even start Jessica" you said trying to stay confident. She can be intimidating sometimes, you just never know with her

"What kind of eye sore are you wearing today?" she shouted after you, you stopped walking and turned around. You kind of liked your outfit today - you wore a white lehenga, decorated with gold polka dots and a white and gold choli, a dupatta draped around your shoulder. You were always insecure about wearing your traditional Indian clothes and the main reason is because of Jessica but your mom never allows you to wear anything else

She looked you up and down and laughed "I can't believe you walked out of the house with that ugly skirt on and do you need a jacket? No one wants to see your mid drift it's ugly". You looked at Jasper but he just stood there, like he wanted to say something but couldn't. You scoffed and bit your lips to stop your tears from falling. You ran to the bathroom, the jingle of your many bracelets echoing off of the walls

-

Jessica's laugh rang in your ears, why does she have to be so mean? She has been ruining everything for you since you first got here

You started to think about that time you celebrated your 16th birthday at school with friends and classmates since your parents had no time for it. "Happy birthday to you!" This was the most attention you've ever gotten at this school, you smiled at everyone and blew the candles out as they cheered. "Thank you everyone I-" your thanks was cut off as a monotone voice spoke out "ew are we really going to eat that?" Of course it was Jessica Stanley, she never lets up on you

You sighed "it's red velvet cake Jessica, not poison"

Her face scrunched up in disgust "but it's homemade right?" You nodded slowly, not knowing what she's getting at

"We don't know what you people do to your foods" she eyed the cake like it was the most disgusting thing she's ever seen "I won't be touching it" she grabbed her bag and walked out of the classroom, a few people following close behind her

You shook you head to stop yourself from thinking about such moments and lifted a hand to wipe your cheek as a tear rolled down. You feel so much more ugly than you ever have in your whole life

Suddenly the bathroom door swung open and in front of you stood Jessica. "y/n I wanted to say sorry" you stood there in silence knowing that she had more to say

"I'm sorry that Jasper just doesn't like girls like you, he likes girls like me or Bella. You will never be more than a friend. Got it?" You had no more fight left in you, not like you had any to begin with, so you just nodded. She smiled and looked you up and down again hate etched into her features "oh and do us all a favor and stop wearing those horrendous sheets that you call clothes". She soon walked out of the bathroom, you couldn't hold your tears back this time

-

A few days passed by and you stayed away from Jasper and the Cullens completely. You started wearing baggy jeans and oversized sweaters, your mom begged and pleaded for you to not give up on your culture but she didn't understand what you were going through

You sat in the back of chemistry class, giving Jessica the satisfaction of changing you completely. You saw a figure standing at the door from the corner of your eye, looking up you saw Jasper waving you out but you quickly looked away. He's the last person you want to see and talk to

When you were walking to your car, you noticed someone leaning on the front of it. You recognized the silhouette, soon realizing that it was Jasper's brother Emmet. "fuck" you whispered to yourself as you closed the distance between you and your car

He smiled at you and laughed "you know I heard that right?"

You chuckled dryly, just standing there with your arms crossed "yeah your super hearing is so cool" you said sarcastically "can you move please?"

Emmet just stood there looking at you, studying your facial expressions and your body language. He knew something was up. "I've never saw you in jeans before y/n" he sighed. You looked at him dumbfounded, why does he care? It's none of his business what you wear

"I can wear what I want Emmet" you sneered "I saw the way you guys looked at my other clothes anyway, someone just let me know what all of you were too afraid to tell me" he looked shocked "so move" but he moved fairly quickly

You were getting angrier with every word that came out of you mouth. You didn't want to look at his face anymore. You jumped into your car, starting it as quick as you can and driving off

Emmet was one of the siblings that you were close to, alongside Rosalie. They were the ones you could talk to when you just couldn't talk to Jasper. You don't know why you had treated him like that and you wished you could take it back but what's done is done

Maybe this'll keep them away from you

-

Knock knock knock

Three soft bangs woke you up quickly. Was someone knocking on your window? You sat up in your bed and rubbed your eyes, the clock showed 2 am

Knock knock knock

You heard the knocking again, it sounded more frantic. What if it's a kidnapper? Or a robber? What if-

"I'm not a kidnapper y/n open the window" you knew that voice! It was Jasper, what was he doing here so late? You suddenly sprung into action thinking he might be hurt or someone got hurt. "What happened?" You questioned as he jumped inside "did someone get hurt?"

He looked like he had been crying for a couple of hours. He doesn't have that glow in his eyes that he usually has. "Talk to me, tell me what I did wrong please" he whispered in the hush of the night. You stood there confused

What were you supposed to say? You've never seen him cry before, he's never this vulnerable. "Come on Jas you have to go" you tried hard to make sure your voice doesn't waver "uh you probably just need some sleep okay?" You were trying to walk him back to the window

Jaspers sadness quickly turned to anger. He was upset with how you were treating him, he's heartbroken and now you're trying to just shove him back out the window? "I don't just need sleep y/n!" he shouted in your face "I need you to tell me why you've been ignoring me. What did I do to hurt you so bad that you would rather shut me out of your life completely!"

Your eyes watered, you were never able to take people yelling at you too well and you take Jasper yelling at you one hundred times worse. "Fucking say something y/n!" he continued. He saw the tear drop from your eye and he immediately softened

Jasper grabbed you, hugging you tight as you cried into his shoulder "I'm sorry" you eventually said. You started telling him everything that was happening "it's been going on for years so you would think I'd be use to it by now". He rubbed circles into your back as you spoke, telling him about how you felt in the hallway "...and you looked at me, you looked at me and said nothing while she said the most disgusting things about me"

He looked displeased with himself, like he could just kick himself right then and there.

"The bathroom...she said a lot of things" you told him everything that was said to you and he looked livid. His eyes went black and you knew exactly what was happening

"Hey, she's not worth it" he faced the window, trying not to show his fangs. When you first found out about him he was hesitant about being around but soon he became comfortable with you. Sometimes his lack of control over his emotions is what keeps him from fully showing his true self around you

Your voice calmed him down "it's not worth it Jas" you repeated. His breathing eventually evened out

The silence was deafening, you just wanted him to say something

"I love you" is all he said

You nodded "I love you too Jasper" you wrapped your arms around his waist from behind him, resting your cheek on his back "I'm sorry for not being the best best friend like I promised I would"

You could feel him inhale before you felt yourself being disconnected from him. Next thing you know it you're face to face with him, his arms wrapped around your waist this time "no y/n, I love you. I love you so much it hurts" you gasped and tried to step back but he just held your waist tighter

"I'm not the type of girl you want Jasper. I don't fit in with you or anyone else. I think it's best we stay friends" you softly spoke out, your voice shook despite your efforts to keep it from doing that. You managed to get out of his hold to go sit on your bed. "Please leave" you finished firmly

Silence washed over you. You felt your bed dip as Jasper sat next to you but neither of you said a word

Eventually he spoke up "I think you're beautiful". You looked at him with your mouth opened in what could possibly be shock or disbelief? You don't know it's a mix of emotions right now. Your eyes stared into his, trying to find a lie within them. No one has genuinely called you beautiful like this. "I love the clothes you wore, they were so colorful. They were what made me fall in love with you. The real you"

You stood up after he said that. Fall in love with? In love with? Oh my fuck. "Uhm" you were panicking now. What if he was just lying to you? Him and Jessica will probably laugh at you about this tomorrow. But now that you think about it Jasper has never laughed at you, even when he was stuck in the hallway situation with you he didn't even pretend to be amused

You slowly sat back down at the realization that he's being real with you right now. Jasper slowly brought his hand up to cup your cheek, his thumb slowly caressing it. "I love everything about you and where you're from. Did you know that I ordered a cookbook from India so I could learn how to prepare all of your favorite meals?" he smiled a small smile "that was going to be our first date"

He was going to do all of that for you? Really? You chuckled softly, flashing him a small smile "I had no idea" now you felt even worse for treating him the way you did. "I'm sorry Jasper. I didn't mean to push you away I just thought it would be better for you if I wasn't in your life anymore. I've had a crush on you for years and I always thought you wanted someone like Bella because she's like one hundred times prettier than me" you were talking too much, something you did when you were nervous

"No one is prettier than you. Not in my eyes" There was a moment when you just sat there looking at each other. Jasper shamelessly stared at your lips for a few minutes before looking back up at your eyes. You don't know who leaned in first but one second you were having a tension filled staring contest and the next second Jasper's soft lips were smushed up against yours. The kiss was hot and desperate and neither one one of you had came up for air yet

Jasper was the first to pull away "you don't know how long I've waited to do this" he breathed. You took that time to just look at him, admire his beauty but that didn't last long as his lips were back on yours in no time

He layed you down and began kissing your neck sucking a hickey under your ear which which you now know is a sensitive spot "Oh" you moaned. This is a new feeling for you

He kissed all the way down lifting your shirt up to kiss your stomach. When his lips touched your skin it felt amazing but you still panicked "wait wait stop" you cried out. Jasper stopped immediately upon hearing your voice, he looked up at you with concern. "It's just uh" you didn't know how to say this, you didn't want him too laugh at you

"I've never done this before" he just looked at you confused "I'm a virgin Jas" you finally said

His eyes grew wide for a split second before returning to normal size. "Oh I- uhm do you not want to do this?" He stood up awkwardly, scrambling to fix himself just in case you were going to kick him out. You grabbed his arm and pulled him back down "I know I want to do it and you're the one o want to do it with, I'm just scared that I'm not going to be what you are expecting"

Upon that confession he grabbed both of your hands and kissed them gently. "you're everything I've ever wanted y/n. We'll go slow and I'll be gentle if you want". You shook your head "okay, I trust you"

You began kissing again, this time slowly. You laid back and he smoothly started to kiss your jaw and down your neck. "Ah" you whined when he nipped a sensitive spot on your neck. He looked you in your eye as he kissed down, lifting your shirt up to place searing hot kisses on your chest. You sat up to take your top completely off, he practically drooled at the sight

You had no bra on "fuck your boobs are so pretty baby" you blushed at his words not knowing if you should say thank you or not. You moaned loudly as he wrapped his lips around one of your hardened nipples. His hand slowly crept down to tease the waistband of your shorts. He looked up at you for approval

Almost hesitant you shook your head yes. You shivered when his fingers slid between your soaked folds. You clawed at his shirt

"Off" you desperately pleaded, wanting to feel his skin against yours

His chest on yours felt nice, both of you were warm, this was nice for you. It was with someone you truly loved

-

"I want to be inside of you so bad" Jasper rubbed his cock between your wet folds

Once you guys were fully naked you were wondering if you should be having second thoughts about this but you don't. He had to talk to you about covering yourself up though "you're perfect, don't hide it" he had whispered against your lips

Your breathing was heavy as you waited for him to put the condom on. So far you had cum twice and you never knew how amazing that feeling was until now

Jasper rubbed your thighs gently sweat g to relax you "I'll talk you through it" he promised

You nodded and tried to lay as relaxed as possible. Okay it won't hurt too bad

Oh how wrong you were

The first few inches were hell, he whispered softly in your ear "you got this" and "just a little more, you can take it"

You looked at his face once he was fully in, he was sweating and breathing heavy. "y-you can move now"

Jasper tightened his grip on your waist and slowly pulled out then slammed back into you "fuck you're so tight" he moaned

You scratched his back as he thrusted harshly into you. Both of you had agreed on going slow but the pleasure mixed with a tinge of pain felt too good

"faster please" you panted, you were dripping with sweat. You didn't have to tell you twice he picked up the pace, the sound of skin slapping skin echoing through the once silent room

You felt dizzy with pleasure a bubble if heat was forming in the pit of your stomach. You knew that feeling all too well now

Jasper was now leaning over you, hands on wither side of your head, face in your neck. You held his hair out of your face as you both chased your highs. "Come for me baby" he whispered in your ear. His deep raspy voice was enough to pop that bubble instantly and you cried out as you came on his cock, your pussy squeezing him tight

"fuck fuck fuck" he squeezed his eyes shut as he continued to thrust in and out of you. You caressed his back and whispered sweet nothings in his ear. "I'm gonna cum, mm" he grunted before he stilled completely, filling you up

He collapsed on top of you, still holding himself up a little as to not crush you. You both were a mess of sweat and cum

He rolled off of you and layed next to you "I love you" he smiled at you softly

"I love you more" you threw your arm around his waist and cuddled up to him

Never in a million years would you have thought that this would be your life

#jasper hale #twilight #this is bad #the smut isn't that good forgive me #chrissy 🐾 🐾

[flesh-into--gear]

the morality debate of using nuclear weapons on imperial japan will never not be fascinating to me. because on the whole face of it, like anything done in war, of course it was wrong in hindsight, and objectively, it should be wrong.

but at the same time, we’re talking about a people (yes i understand not everyone) driven to fanaticism through absolute and complete indoctrination and propaganda, for an idealized society that never actually existed.

and it just… it fascinates me to no end that a lot of people cannot fathom that. they can’t fathom, despite decades and centuries and millennia of history where it happens over and over and over again, that an extremely loud vocal almost-minority (it sure wasn’t a minority in the 20s/30s and early 40s) can push a country over the edge, take complete control, and effectively brainwash generations.

it’s not like there are any glaring examples of that in our own US history that are extremely recent or anything. and i mean if you really need to see how far that extent goes, just look at what happened when Imperial forces lost Saipan. the first-hand accounts are horrific.

im not going to get involved on the morality itself, and im not going to go on and on about how Imperial Japan’s military and government were completely enamored with idealized bushido code and blah blah, because that’s research you can do yourself.

but i just wish that people would stop treating that as a black and white “BAD”. Imperial Japan on all fronts is a fucking tragedy, especially for every other Pacific and Asian nation, and for the japanese civilians that were simply born in the wrong time and place. but fuck me dude is there about eighty miles of nuance to the debate that just gets glossed so hard over. like you don’t know what it’s like to see news reels every day talking about casualty reports on Iwo Jima or Peleliu or any of those islands that Imperial Japan considered “home islands” and the absolute defense zone. we’re talking near-on WWI numbers of bodies, for strips of land that are tiny, being held by people with standing orders to die in their positions, and take as many lives possible. that was the whole point of the Imperial strategy in the Pacific, to make the losses so great that the American home front would call for ceasefire.

like… Imperial Japan was doing this /on purpose/.

if they’re fighting like this for islands that aren’t even technically a part of the main chain, what the fuck was a mainland invasion going to look like?

The Pacific Theater is a fucking tragedy for everyone that it involved. it doesn’t matter what side.

and for the record, of course, the nukes were wrong. but that’s also the benefit of almost 80 years of hindsight, and a life so comfortable i cannot fathom what it would be like to see entire parts of town populations just… disappear on some island i’ve never heard of and can’t find on a map.

again, it’s not that i agree. but at the same time as much as i want to poke holes in it, “oh the empire was winding down, the populace was beginning to pull support, etc etc”, knowing the history makes it a lot harder to do it

[mlobsters]

supernatural s10e22 the prisoner (w. andrew dabb)

don't think i have the words to express how much i don't want to watch the angsting over charlie's nonsensical unnecessary bullshit death.

sigh. i really don't want to watch this. they very much did not earn the right to make me upset. push my buttons with flashbacks and sad music. and using it for a source of cheap conflict between sam and dean.

guess i'm trying again. i read the at the pyre part of the script yesterday, thought i'd try to watch it off to the side and as soon as sam starts addressing charlie i loudly said "FUCKING STOP IT" and paused. just to paint a picture of where i'm at.

sounds like they had to adr this entire conversation and probably not noticeable without headphones but. sigh. i'm upset they killed her and are trying to make me upset. i'm mad that they're having a conversation about their feelings i'd otherwise eat up with a spoon but the reason behind it is so frustratingly awful i don't want to hear it.

SAM What was I supposed to do, just – watch you die? DEAN The Mark isn't gonna kill me. SAM Maybe not, but – when it's done with you, you won't be you anymore. Dean, you're all I've got. So of course, I was gonna fight for you because that's what we do. And listen, I had a shot— DEAN Yeah you had a shot. Charlie's dead. Nice shot. SAM You think I'm – You think I'm ever – gonna forgive myself for that? DEAN You wanna know what I think? I think it should be you up there, not her.

well score one for saying something truly awful because you're mad or the mark or whatever bullshit. i guess payback for when sam told him he wouldn't try to save him because he was mad about gadreel.

meanwhile this fucking frankenstein subplot continues to be stupid and ridiculous.

the show has made me disgruntled before but man, this is really taking it to new heights.

SAM —I know what I told Dean. Cas, look. I've been the one out there, messed up and scared. And alone. And Dean— CASTIEL He did whatever he could to save you. SAM Yes. I mean, it's become his thing. I owe him this. I owe him everything.

case in point, resentful that i laughed at "his thing"

ok

SAM Am I supposed to be impressed by that? CROWLEY Yes! (coughs up more blood) I thought if I did better, I might actually feel something again. That it might matter. SAM It doesn't matter. Maybe everybody else forgot about all the bad you've done, but I haven't! I have watched you kill people, Crowley. Innocent people! People I cared about, people I loved! So yeah, you have the accent, and the suit, and the snark, but at the end of it, you are a monster! Just like all the rest of them. And I'm gonna watch you die, screaming. Just like all the rest of them. CROWLEY You're right. I am a monster. And I've done bad. I've done things you can't even imagine. Horrible, evil, messy things. And I've loved every. Damn. Minute.

all right. guess we're back to just-evil crowley

just realized this isn't the last episode of the season. guh

blah blah dean gonna kill the kid because he's got the "evil blood" in him like gee someone else we know. how long is it gonna take before i'm not bitter and resentful i wonder.

the mushy music while dean beats on cas, okay.

DEAN You and Sam stay the hell away from me. Next time I won't miss.

how very soulless/demonic of him.

buh.

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 10x22 #andrew dabb #charlie bradbury #spn clip #spn mushy music #spnwhinge #this has escalated beyond whinge to just. whatever.