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#literally the most ridiculous thing i've watched in years

eloise-t-g · 13 days

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i think for me, the watcher situation comes down to this:

it's absolutely respectable that the watcher team wants to grow and produce better quality content. it's respectable that they don't want to stagnate and end up pushing the same content out over and over again. that's not satisfying for them creatively, i get that.

however, if higher quality, more heavily produced content is not what your fans are asking for, then you can't ask them to fund it.

this all-or-nothing method they've gone for is frankly bizarre. it feels like they leap-frogged all other alternatives to improving their finances and ended up here, alienating and frustrating the majority of their fanbase (the fanbase they thanked for getting them to where they are).

i think this could have gone a lot better if they:

Hadn't hyped up this video for a week.

Hadn't announced the worth it successor just beforehand.

Hadn't put out a wishy-washy, "boo hoo we're so sad about this", over-produced video.

Hadn't made it $6/month (more in a lot of countries given exchange rates).

Had considered that this means fans in specific countries literally cannot pay for the subscription due to geo/region-locking.

my ideas for improving their funds, aka things they could have tried before blowing their brand up: create their own website with two options - a free version with ads and a paid version without ads, OR make better use of their patreon/make their website extra content, not all their content, for example:

Put the ghost file debriefs on there.

Put shows like survival mode on there (or even shift that show from pre-recorded video to live-stream - live stream access to patrons and VOD access to everyone, maybe).

Put episode commentaries there.

Do reaction videos to their old buzzfeed content, talk about memories and BTS, and put that there.

Put one/two episodes of each show, per season on there (and ONLY there).

Put the episodes up there a few days early.

Make specific, website only content (that's not your main and most popular series aka ghost files and puppet history).

Record the live, in-person shows and put those VODs up there.

EDIT (thought of something else lmao): put extended or even uncut versions of ghost files on there. Paranormal Detour on Detune's twitch channel has shown that people will willingly sit through 6+ hours of a ghost investigation.

EDIT: idk, do livestreams once a week where you watch scary movies with fans on discord or twitch.

(side note: the fact that they're not taking down their patreon and instead shifting all of their podcast content on there, something the patreons who have been loyally giving them money for years didn't ask for, is ridiculous and greedy. add to this the fact that they don't even get a free sub to the new website, instead get 40% off - a measly 10% more than anyone else who subs before the official launch).

the thing for me is that they're claiming they want to make "television" and "television-grade content". that's completely fine. what's not completely fine is acting like your four episodes a month is equal to netflix's entire catalogue.

this really felt like it should have been something they told us they were progressing towards, not something they revealed to be on the imminent horizon. idk, it just feels out of nowhere. no, they don't owe us all of the info about their company. but something had to be better than this.

final thought - it's okay and valid to be upset at the team for this. for a lot of people, it's a complete betrayal (especially the comment that $6 a month is something "anyone and everyone can afford", i mean yikes). i do think some people's anger got the best of them, and some of the comments i've seen across youtube, twitter, and tumblr are plain bullying, racism, and harassment. until we have the whole story, we can't decide that one founder (aka steven in a lot of people's minds) is solely responsible. i know a lot of these awful things are only coming from a small minority of the fandom, but they still get seen.

at the end of the day, all three of them got up in front of a camera and made this video, together. that can only lead us to the conclusion that they made this decision together. acting like these men in their 30s couldn't stand up against it if they truly wanted to, is so strange and parasocial lmao.

tl;dr there were much better ways of going about this announcement, if it even needed to be made at all. however, that doesn't excuse the hateful shit being spewed at the team. for now, all we know is the three founders decided they were done with youtube, and done with their loyal youtube audience.

(i have so many more thoughts on this but i need to stop lmao. however i do wonder how different things could have been if 1. they had hired someone with actual business experience as their CEO from the jump, and 2. this video was more of a "hey we're broke! this is a last-ditch effort to save our company!". guess those questions will remain ... well ... you know ...).

#watcher #ryan bergara #steven lim #shane madej #buzzfeed unsolved #unsolved #worth it

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unangelic-thoughts · 4 months

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Forgive me...I want you. (Joel Miller x AFAB!Reader)

Summary: After a drunken mistake where you expose yourself to your aunt's boyfriend, you unknowingly start something between you beyond your wildest dreams…

Warnings: NSFW smut 18+, infidelity, age gap, masturbating while being watched, phone sex (sorta?? but more like window sex??)

Word Count: 3k

Author’s note: A specific part in this is loosely inspired by taylor swift's 'you belong with me' scene where they see each other through their bedroom windows…hehe…;)

Reblogs and interactions are most appreciated <333

I walk as quietly as I can up the stairs of the house I currently live in with my parents so as to not wake them at one thirty in the morning. Although I'm in my mid twenties and would love nothing more but to have my own place, rent is ridiculously expensive and I'd rather save up for as long as I can. Thankfully for me, I get along with them both and we respect each other's privacy - so it works.

I shut the door to my bedroom quietly, extending my hand to the wall beside me to switch the light on. I take my cross-body bag off over my head and throw it on my bed with a sigh. Running my hands through my hair, I think back to today's unfortunate events. From deciding to surprise my girlfriend on our six month anniversary, to catching her in bed with my best friend, to going from bar to bar with my sweet Angel of a cousin to try and forget it all; I am completely and utterly emotionally and physically exhausted.

The makeup I put on earlier today is patchy and smudged but I feel too numb to care. Walking into my on-suite bathroom, I stare at myself in the mirror while my arms rest on either side of the sink. Black streaks of mascara cover my cheeks from where I'd been crying. I take a deep breath, grabbing a makeup wipe and take it all off.

Once I'm done with skincare, I walk back into my bedroom and pick out a clean pair of undies and oversized tee from my closet, setting them out at the end of my bed. I begin stripping from my clothes, starting with my top, then my skirt and tights. I stand up straight, my hands reaching behind my back to take my bra off when I lock eyes with Joel and I freeze.

Joel is my next door neighbour. He is also my dad's sister's husband. In my current messy state, I completely forgot to pull my curtains shut and that Joel's office literally faces my bedroom. In my defence, I wasn't expecting him to be up this late.

The initial state of shock begins to subside but neither of us has attempted to look away first. I'm reminded of the very innocent crush I've had on him since the day my aunt introduced us to him five years ago. Of course, I knew it was futile - considering the whole Joel-is-now-technically-my-uncle thing as well as the age gap thing. I never let myself think about it too seriously except for the times late at night whenever I've struggled to fall asleep. Thoughts of him laying on top of me, kissing down my neck while his hands caress my body intrude my mind more often than I'd like to admit and I feel so guilty, but I can't help it.

It feels like I've been standing there half-naked in front of my window for hours when in reality it's only been a second or two. I spot my dressing gown draped over my swivel chair in the corner of my eye and I quickly grab it to cover myself as best as I can.

When I look back at him, his eyes have fallen to the laptop in front of him and I instantly feel the loss of his intense stare. A pang of disappointment hits me, missing the feel of his eyes on me and the way it ignited a fire in my lower belly.

Desperate to get his attention, I loosen the grip I have on my dressing gown and let it fall in front me, exposing me once more. His dark brown eyes instantly meet mine again and it makes my insides flip.

I swallow down the lump in my throat, deciding to ignore the warning lights and sirens going off in my head that are telling me how terrible of an idea this is. But in this moment, I couldn't care less. I just want to feel wanted.

My hands find their way to my bra for a second time and unclasp it. I hold the cups of my bra against my breasts, a moment of hesitation washing over me but I shake that feeling away as I shake off my bra.

Joel goes very still and it feels good to know I'm having an effect on him, so I continue. My hands drop to my panties, my thumbs hooking on either side as I slowly slide them down my legs and step out of them.

I feel so empowered and in full control of the situation, which is exactly what I need right now. I turn around, grabbing my clean undies and slipping them on followed by my oversized tee. I walk to my window, wishing I could reach out to touch him but instead, I pull the curtains shut knowing I've already gone too far and put an end to whatever this is.

***

I've avoided Joel for two whole weeks since that night; not that it has been hard to do since he's definitely been avoiding me too. He hasn't even spared me a glance when we've passed by each other in our adjacent driveaways, oftentimes me going out and him coming home at the same time.

The anxiety of what I'd done was eating me up the first few days, worried that he'd tell my aunt about it. But the longer it's been, the more confident I feel that he's not planning on telling a soul. God, if anyone found out about my drunken mistake, it would completely destroy our family.

I've thought of countless of ways I could apologize to him but none seem good enough, worried it'll just make things more awkward; if that's even possible. Sometimes it's better to pretend like nothing ever happened and things will eventually fix by themselves with time. Yes...I just have to give it some time and it'll soon be a distant memory...

***

The chime of the doorbell distracts me from my current seated position on the sofa, one hand holding the book I've been reading and the other stroking my cat, Felix. I place the book next to me and cradle Felix in my arms like the little baby that he is and head to the door.

It's my aunt, Tess. "Hi hun, are you enjoying your weekend alone?" She extends an arm to rub Felix under his chin.

"Yeah, it's been nice having the house all to myself. Mum and dad won't be back until late Monday evening so I still have a couple of days of peace." I say, chuckling.

"That's great! Although I'm about to disturb that peace, but not for long. I promise! I just need a small favour." She cautiously smiles at me.

"As long as it doesn't involve screaming kids or maths, I'm happy to help." I respond lightheartedly.

"So, I ordered a couple of new sculptures of Athena and the delivery driver just dropped them off outside our door. He ran off before I could get the chance to ask him to help bring them in." She sighs.

"Oh my God, more Greek sculptures? You're obsessed! Don't you already have like 50? How do they all fit in the house?!" I say half-serious, half-laughing while I shake my head. For the past year, Tess has developed a fascination for Greek mythology and the house has basically turned into a museum of Ancient Greece.

"I know, I know." Tess replies, swinging her hands back and forth to dismiss my accusation. "Anyway, I've hurt my back so I can't lift anything and Joel needs another person to help him. Would you mind lending him a hand?"

"Yeah, sure." I somehow manage to say nonchalantly even though inside I'm screaming. The last thing I want to do is be near Joel but I can't tell Tess that. "I'll be out in a minute" I say, forcing a smile and nod my head as I step back into the house to slip into something more appropriate.

Once I've pulled my shit together and reassured myself that this isn't a big deal, I make the short walk over to their place. The door opens before I reach the steps, both Tess and Joel coming out at the same time. She places a quick peck on his lips before making her way to her car. "Just going to do some grocery shopping, I won't be long. And be careful with my sculptures!" She calls out as she shuts the car door after her.

I notice the silence between us immediately, fiddling my hands nervously. "Where do these need to go?" I ask as I point to the sculptures in front of me, desperate to be done with this as quickly as possible.

Joel doesn't hold my gaze however, and it makes me think that what happened is still bothering him. "One in the living room and one in the bedroom."

Once we've figured out how to carry the first one, we manage to place it in the living room with relative ease. The second one however is much trickier, needing to be carried all the way to the upstairs bedroom. I can feel myself building up a sweat but I try my best to keep my breathing steady. Once we reach the room, we set it down in its new spot. Not even a second later and I trip over my own foot, falling towards the direction of the sculpture. Joel is there before I know it, one hand holding Athena and the other steadying me. The feel of his arm around me feels different to any other time we've hugged, I notice.

"That was close." He says, pulling back once I've got both feet on the ground.

"It was. Thank you. Tess would kill me if anything happened to it." I exhale, widening my eyes in horror at the thought of breaking the sculpture.

"And I'd be right there with you too. She can be a scary woman when she wants to be." He jokes, an uneasy smile on his face.

"I'm sorry." I blurt out as I fix my gaze on the sculpture rather than Joel.

"Don't worry about it, nothin' broke so we get to live another day." He shrugs his shoulders as his hands rest on his hips and laughs.

"Not about that...I'm sorry about what happened that night. I was drunk and it was wrong of me." I find myself saying before I can stop myself, the guilt finally getting to me.

The grin on his face immediately drops and I brace myself for what he has to say.

"It was a fucked up thing to do and it's best that we forget about it." He says, his tone razor sharp.

"I know and for that, I sincerely apologize." His words sting even though I know they shouldn't. I mean, he didn't look away either. It can't just be all on me, he could've easily left. He had plenty of opportunity to do so.

"You put me in a really uncomfortable position. What would Tess say if she found out? What would your parents think?" His brows are furrowed together in anger and I regret ever bringing it up.

"I-I wasn't in a good place mentally and I definitely wasn't sober but I don't think it's fair to put all the blame on me." I defend, shaking my head.

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "And who should share the blame? Me?"

It's my turn to furrow my brows, not liking where this conversation is going. "Well, yeah. You clearly didn't dislike what you saw. You could've left at any time."

"I think you should leave." He responds firmly, crossing his arms.

"You don't have to tell me twice." I scowl. Turning on my heal, I strut out of the room and slam the door shut behind me. Regret fills my chest, not for my drunken striptease, but for my stupid attempt at apologising to that asshole.

*** He tries to apologise to me twice this week but I blank him both times. He tells me that Tess noticed something has been off with us and confronted him about it. He told her it's because he yelled at me when I almost broke one of her statues and now I'm mad at him. That's the only reason he wants to apologise, so that everything seems normal in front of everyone else; not because he's genuinely sorry. So no, I'm not ready to forgive him that easily.

***

I'm having one of those late night closet clear outs, deciding whether my denim midi skirt is staying in the keep pile or the donation pile when my phone rings.

My breath hitches as the name of last person I thought would be calling me right now pops up on the screen. At first I think it might be a mistake, but as it rings for the fourth time, I have to decide whether to answer or ignore it.

He's never called me this late before and the curiosity takes over, so I swipe the green button on the screen and put the phone to my ear.

"Joel?" I ask hesitantly, even though I know it's him calling.

"Can we talk?" His voice low on the other end of the line.

"I'm busy right now." I reply, finally tossing the skirt I've been holding to the keep pile.

"No, you're not. I can literally see you in your bedroom." With that, I turn around and look up. Lo and behold, Joel is standing in front of his office's french doors and he's looking right at me.

"What do you want?" I ask, my heartbeat increasing tenfold.

I watch as his hand trails up his shirt, his fingers starting to unbutton it from the top.

"Tell me to stop at anytime, and I will." He whispers as I stand there completely dumbfounded.

Once his shirt is unbuttoned, he shrugs it off his shoulders, letting it fall on the floor behind him. It exposes his soft chest and belly, and I can't take my eyes off of him.

His hands move on to his belt, swiftly removing it from his jeans and popping open the button. He stops just before he pulls his zipper down and I feel a pang of disappointment until I hear his voice once more.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asks simply, as if he hasn't just asked me such an incongruous question.

I shake my head from side to side ever so slightly, it's barely noticeable.

"I need you to use your words darlin'" He's looking at me intently and it makes me feel lightheaded.

I don't want to say it out loud but if I-

"Don't. Don't stop." I surprise myself at how sure I sound, not realising how badly I've wanted this since I exposed myself to him until this very moment.

I notice his chest contract as he exhales in relief; Like he was hoping I'd want this just as much as he does.

He continues then, removing his jeans completely and takes a seat on the chair behind him while still facing me.

"Your turn." It takes me a minute to process what he's saying. He wants to see me naked. Again. Part of me questions whether this is a prank but the part of me that has secretely wanted to do this since forever decides to push the doubts aside.

I hesitate only for a second before I remember that I've done this before and he's already seen my exposed body, and then I strip down to my underwear - just like he has.

His hand reaches inside his boxers and he begins to stroke himself. My panties are soaked within seconds. His breathing becomes shallow as he increases the speed of his hand on his member. My hand is on my breast, squeezing it hard as my thumb and index finger stroke my nipple.

"Touch yourself." He orders and I immediately oblige, my hand gliding from my breast to my soft tummy and finally underneath my panties. I hiss as my fingers touch my bundle of nerves, making circular motions. I'm already so wet at the sight in front of me that it doesn't take long for me to slide my fingers through my contracting walls. I pump my fingers with the same rhythm that he strokes his cock as I close my eyes to imagine that it's him inside of me. It feels so good and yet it's not enough, but I know that this is going to be as good as it's ever going to get. This won't ever happen again. I shake those thoughts away and decide to savour the present moment.

Opening up my eyes again, my gaze is back on Joel. His mouth is parted lightly and his eyes are half shut as his head rests on the back of his chair. His movements under his boxers become more frantic and I know he's close. It drives me to go faster and I yelp as I unexpectedly hit a sweet spot, "Fuck!"

"Keep going baby." He urges me on as he grunts in pleasure. My eyes shut tightly and I bite my lower lip, fastening my pace which causes squelching sounds from my dripping pussy.

"Atta girl." He praises, seemingly satisfied by the sounds travelling through the phone.

I whimper in pleasure as I feel the orgasm build inside of me. I stare back at Joel who lets out a "Fuck" at the same moment that I do. We both come apart together, moaning and whimpering in unison; creating a sweet melody of pleasure.

I never, in a million years, thought that I would ever get the chance to see and hear him coming undone but it's the most mesmerizing thing I've ever witnessed.

"Am I forgiven?" He asks once his breathing has returned to normal.

"I think you already know the answer to that." I say, as a smile creeps up on my damp face.

--------

Thank you for reading! I'd love it if you let me know your throughts <3 (Uuumm personally, I would jump straight through that goddamn window and onto his lap...fuckkkk)

Lots of love, Elki xoxo

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saintslewis · 6 months

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❝ 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐘 ❞

𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 — 𝐋𝐇𝟒𝟒

˖ ࣪⭑ pairing: sir lewis hamilton x fem!oc

˖ ࣪⭑ summary: it’s Nads’ first day on the paddock at the Miami Grand Prix!

˖ ࣪⭑ warnings: cussing, outfit descriptions, some seriously bad flirting, lots of name dropping

˖ ࣪⭑ wc: 6.7 k

˖ ࣪⭑ saint’s team radio: my babies, hi! i ain’t got no backstory, it’s just been tough to write lol. this chapter is my baby so i hope you all enjoy it 🥹. dedicating this to @httpsserene (twinnnnn) because she knows how much i back my man all the time lol. okay okay on with the story!

pls like, reblog and comment!!!

renaissance:the series • previous chapter

The sounds of the F1 cars and the noisy commentators went through Nadia's ears quite noisily. Fixing the position of her headphones, she held her phone horizontally as she watched through her husband's various wins throughout the years.

Her Tuesday was busy, well busily spent watching over previous races and anything related to the sport that Lewis was in. Nadia was determined to get onto the Miami paddock and not fuck up her first public appearance by not knowing anything about F1 and as much as she wanted to research a little bit more on Lewis, she decided against it, solely wanting him to tell her everything.

Her suitcases sat nicely next to her couch, the same couch that would be in her storage unit by the time she gets back from the states. Knowing that the weather that side would be ridiculously hot, she made sure to pack good outfits, enough to be Miami-approved along with all her good wigs.

It has been almost a week since she met Lewis' friends at his - their home and to think that she would be travelling the world with them so soon was not something she thought would happen. The next day, she spent it ogling at her screen on things to do in Miami. The rest of the weekend was dedicated to maintenance; wigs, nails, lashes, waxing with the occasional facetime sessions with Lewis just sharing all types of jokes to distract her from the prep.

Her phone rang in the middle of her binging Brazil 2021, showing a call from Natalia. "Hello?" Nadia answered.

"Nads, hey. I know we're literally going to be together tomorrow on the plane but i just wanted to check in to see if you're doing okay and if you're ready for Miami?" The ever so hyper girl asked excitedly.

"I've got my stuff ready and I think I'm clued up on the sport enough." Nadia's voice was clear yet soft, balancing her phone on the coffee table. "But are you wag ready?" Natalia asked, earning one of Nadia's infamous side eyes.

"Girl, what?"

"Nads, please don't tell me you don't know what that means." Natalia stressed as she ruffled around to sit up straight.

"Then you won't like my next answer." She smiled, standing up to go to the kitchen. "Oh my days, one of the most famous wags right now and she doesn't even know what it is." Natalia laughed, continuing with her explanation.

"So basically, it's a wife or girlfriend of an athlete. All you're gonna do when we get there is maybe make some friends with the other wags and just be his biggest supporter, even if it means we throwing hands." The girl laughed even louder, their laughter bounced off the walls.

"Now you're speaking. I think I'll be good as long as I have someone to guide me through it, y'know?" Nadia said, fidgeting with whatever is in front of her which in this case, was a fork.

For the umpteenth time in the last 3 weeks, Nadia was nervous about everything changing so quickly. This was her first public appearance as 'Mrs Hamilton' and knowing that she will have to face so many eyes on her was something she couldn't bear to think of.

"Here's my ting, Nads. You're not just the wife of any driver there, you're lawfully linked with the literal face of that sport. That man is beyond famous and keeping up with his life as his friend group is so exciting yet so fast paced so if you need anything, you got us. Genuine chats." Natalia smiled, watching her friend fiddle with the fork.

"I just need to keep up and plus Lew said if it gets too much, I can always just come back and chill at home which is something I will definitely do." Nadia said, picking up her phone.

"Exactly babes! Anyways, I'll pick you up later then we head to the airport together?" She offered. Nadia just nodded before posing in the kitchen. They wished each other their goodbyes and Nadia immediately got to work, sorting out her outfits for the third time.

The drive to the airport felt so surreal, the tiny droplets of rain sped down the car window as the music blared through Nadia's headphones. A sleeping Natalia layed across her lap, barely moving unless there was a slight bump on the road.

Preparing herself to go on a plane for the first time in 12 years , she breathed in and out and went very deep in her thoughts. The slight breeze of the air conditioner in the car raised hairs on her arms, definitely regretting putting her emergency hoodie in one of her suitcases and not in her carry on.

She had just decided to run on autopilot for the rest of the trip, every single thought of hers gnawing at her causing a headache to form. The feeling of constantly having eyes on her was overwhelming, every time she wants to run an errand or or go on with her maintenance day, she would always be stopped for a picture or even worse, have a camera following her around. She now understood why celebrities would always have their headphones on in public.

Heathrow Airport appeared in her vision, her hand immediately landing on Natalia's arm and shook her a bit so that she could wake up and prepare herself.

"We here yet?" The woman said, rubbing her eye and blinking quite quickly. All Nadia could do was nod and slightly smile at her friend who immediately felt Nadia's vibe. "Okay Nads, I don't know what your thoughts are chatting about but think about it like this: a cute little trip with new friends and experiencing new shit while looking good at the same time. I can feel your overthinking from here." Natalia said, cuddling into her friend.

"You know, you say some cute shit then you violate me after. Is this your thing?" Nadia chuckled as the driver drove towards the main entrance of the airport.

"Y'should hear the shit I say to Miles."

The process of getting checked in went incredibly smoothly, considering the girls met Tia when rolling their suitcases. It was all relatively easy as they were flying private, the jet waiting patiently for its passengers. The short drive in a different SUV to the jet had Nadia's stomach flutter as she took everything in. Stepping out the car to a very gloomy night sky, the crème white jet stood in all its glory and Nadia battled herself to not take pictures but she couldn't help it.

Nearing towards the steps with her carry-on, the flight attendants smiled with champagne flutes in their hands. "Welcome Miss Tia, Miss Natalia and Mrs Hamilton. I do hope you have a wonderful flight to Miami." One of the woman had greeted with a blinding smile.

Accepting the champagne although utterly creeped out, Nadia greeted everyone back and made her way into one of the most beautiful private jets she'd set her eyes on. Hermés blankets were placed on top of the seats, charcuterie boards were set and the night lights were on, referencing the stars in the night sky. Seeing how relaxed Tia and Natalia were, she took a deep breath and took a window seat.

Next to her were different types of chocolates and sweets, water bottles, sodas, spritzers along with champagne sat aesthetically all around her. Settling across from her, Tia whipped out her iPad and immediately got to work, hoping to talk to Nadia while she was still awake.

The two spoke on many different topics pertaining the marriage and Nadia's new found fame. "To summarise before we dive deep. I already opened up an Amex bank account for you because the money you'll make throughout all this is insane. You've got a lot of people to meet on Friday but I'll take you through everything on Thursday."

Nadia just listened to everything. "So while Lewis has a photoshoot tomorrow, we'll meet with your new team which by the way, have already prepared outfits for you for the coming weekends because i know you brought your own this week. Just remember, don't be too hard on yourself. I know it's a lot but you two can get through it. Oh, and you can finally open up your social media profiles." Tia smiled, closing the iPad with its cover and handing her a black card, mouthing that it already has money on it.

"Now we can sit back and relax for the rest of this 8 hour flight." Natalia said, eye mask already covering her eyes with a blanket enveloping her. The plane had already taken off during Tia speaking so she didn't have much to be nervous about in the moment.

MIAMI

Stepping off the jet steps, 4 bodyguards stood as Nadia's sight immediately went to the three large escalades, reminding her of how a president would be transported. Greeting everyone a very tired good morning, she spotted Lewis climbing out one of the cars along with Miles. A smile appeared on her face as she saw them, the nerves being pushed away at the sight of people she recognised.

"How was your flight, bruv? Got some coffee to wake you up." Lewis said with a smile, putting her suitcases in the car, his sweater sleeves lifted and showed his tattooed arms flexing as he lifted them.

She knew it was too early into the friendship to be having such thoughts but she couldn't help but feel some way about him as she watched him and he glowed in the morning sun, laughing at a joke Miles had said. Not to mention how her heart fluttered knowing he got her coffee although he himself doesn't like the hot drink.

"Nads?" He called to her, seeing her in a dazed state but quickly snap back to it. "It was great, Tia distracted me from the flight takin' off so that's a plus. Had one too many croissants and before I forget, I got us something that I hope you'll like." She said, climbing into the open car door and put her tote bag next to her.

On the way to the hotel, the two played some Raye while making jokes and talking about the rest of the weekend, assuring Nadia that if she wasn't comfortable going to all these events that she could stay back at the hotel. All she knew was that she was definitely going to watch him play some basketball the next day.

"And the pants are pink? Like your trousers are hot pink?" She asked the man as they drove through Miami, oblivious to the copious amounts of billboards with his face on it be it about Formula 1 or IWC, the watch brand that he was ambassador for. "And I was told to show you my outfits for the whole weekend for your first well, second public appearance." He said, sitting comfortably on his seat, playing around with his phone but not using it.

"That's very kind of whoever told you that. Before I regret my gift, do you wear grills? Or tooth jewellery in general?" Nads asked, unconsciously holding onto her tote bag.

"Are you about to say what i think you're about to say?" Lewis asked, turning his whole body towards her. "Do you know how hard it was having to describe your teeth to the person who made them? Anyways, I thought we could wear the grills the same day as like a statement, y'know?" She said, taking out two cases with the same branding.

"That's a great idea, I truly love it and these grills, man. Might build a mini collection." Lewis sounded impressed, bringing the jewellery closer to really look at it then looked at Nadia with a feeling that he was struggling to decipher but he get genuine appreciation towards her.

"Thank you pookie bear for these, i'll cherish it forever." He smiled, his eye wrinkles prominent.

"Oh my days, you said it." She covered her mouth with both hands, the ring shining as the rays of the morning sun hit it.

"What? Pookie bear?"

"Yeah, you barely say it! Oh my days, say it again so i can record it." Nadia said, bringing her phone out, making Lewis laugh so hard as they drove to the hotel.

Thursday afternoon could not come fast enough with Nadia standing in the large hotel bathroom, scratching her bald cap as she stared at the two wigs in front of her. The one was a light pink, wanting to support Lewis in pink and the other was black, very neutral but was quite long.

Her outfit was laid out on the bed, consisting of a denim mini skirt with pink low cut nikes, her reflective diesel bag that she received the night before and a dark gray tee with Baby Lewis on it. For Nadia, this outfit was quite simple as she liked to branch her style out, no matter how bold it might be.

The memories of the night before started to flow through, smiling by herself. When the crew had come back from dinner in the ever so luxurious hotel restaurant, she came back to all types of gifts on her bed, a note from Lewis reading 'for your first grand prix' with a heart next to it.

New Van Cleef and Arpels bracelets as she jokingly requested, the Diesel bag she would be sporting at the IWC event, two Dior saddles bags and two new pairs of sneakers that she had yet to open. The tears that were in her eyes dropped down her face as she opened her gifts, texting a sleeping Lewis a selfie with all her presents.

"Okay girl, let's do the black wig because the shoes and bag are already pink." Nadia decided, her voice echoing as she spoke to herself in the spacious bathroom. Putting some music on, she continued getting ready whilst waiting for Lewis to pick her up as he's coming from the track.

As if someone heard her thoughts, she heard a knock on the door followed with the wood creaking beside it and she instantly knew it was Lewis. Opening the door with a smile on her face, she saw him with the same beaming smile as she displayed. It looked as if he already changed his outfit from this morning, keeping up with his activities on social media.

"Well good afternoon sir." Nadia greeted as she walked back into the room to grab her handbag, phone and sunglasses, walking out as soon as she got everything with her.

Now, Lewis was someone who would subtly blush at the slightest compliment he would receive or whenever anyone mentioned that they liked his outfit, he would be grateful then brush it off with one of his smiles. However, hearing his assigned title come from the lips of his wife - new friend and not to mention her wearing his t shirt, made his chest warm. Same feeling he got whenever he would gift her anything and just see her smile.

There are just friends who just so happen to be married.

"Hi Nads. I'm loving the shirt by the way." He complimented, watching her lock up her room and place the key card in her bag. "Oh thanks, some guy i'm married to gave it to me. Do you think this kid is a legend now?" Nadia joked as they both walked to the elevator, relieved to have no one inside.

"I heard he's this really cool driver. Also props to that random dude who gave you the tee, super stylish and amazing." Lewis spoke as he leaned on the railing of the elevator.

"Okay not too much now." Nadia scoffed, followed up with a giggle.

Upon arriving at the place, it was truly crowded with fans and many camera crews all facing an incredibly large billboard with Lewis' face on it, his arm showing off the expensive watch. Majority of those involved in the event were wearing pink and many of the fans standing outside had a mixture of colours, including neon yellow and purple.

As their Escalade rolled up to the main entrance of the event, the cheers were heard from all around the car. Playing with her hair nervously, Lewis watched as he was getting ready to get out the car. "D'you mind if I hold your hand? Just noticed you were nervous." He voiced, seeing her snap out of her mind.

Looking down at his large open hand, Nadia didn't think twice about grabbing onto it and holding it tightly. As he stepped out of the car, the screams became louder as he waved to everyone with his other hand whilst Nadia scooched out with the car step helping her. As if the screams and cheers couldn't get any louder, her foot touched the ground and people were shouting out all types of things.

Although Nadia was nervous, she felt Lewis squeeze her hand and prompt her to look at him, his eyes more comforting than anything. Shooting a quick smile and wink at him, she went back to greeting everyone clawing for attention. He stood for a moment, in awe of her instant switch from what he saw in the car. Remembering where he was, he too snapped up and walked towards fans to sign stuff.

About an hour into the event, Nadia sat and cheered underneath the VIP section of it all. Starstruck event workers stood close to her, offering anything she would want from the stalls all around. With a pink lemonade in her hand, she watched Lewis play basketball with the widest smile on his face as he dribbled the ball and put the ball through the next.

To get better sight of her hunk of a husband, she sat closer to the kids who too watched in awe of everything and it isn't hard to believe that she began playing some hand games with them while workers were busy. While Lewis stood to the side of the game, he watched as Nadia interacted with the kids sitting on chairs clearly made for children but it was the pure joy she radiated that struck him the most.

Digging his phone out of one of his many pockets on his hot pink pants, he snapped a few photos of her surrounded with kids and he was very sure that the many camera crews also captured the adorable moment. Looking up, Nadia locked eyes with Lewis from across the court, waving excitedly which prompted the kids to wave as well.

After a while, Lewis was asked to do an interview and one of the questions were where else he would like to race and to get a reaction out, he uttered the words "I would like to race in South Africa, my wife's home country and definitely because it would be an amazing track." Little did he know that that clip would send the internet into a frenzy.

SATURDAY

Ultimately deciding to show face in the paddock on Qualifying Day and definitely ruining Tia's master plan, Nadia placed her earrings on before taking pictures of herself in the mirror for her to post later on in the day.

Fixing her top a little, she held onto it while looking for the small case that held her grillz and finding them on the nightstand, securely placing them on her teeth. She quickly switched her heels for sneakers knowing that she would be walking around the whole day.

Her mood was all over the place from the moment she woke up. She knew going into another deep dive was going to affect how she would be with everyone she was supposed to meet but she did so in the late evening after the day she had. She hadn't fully memorised names but she could identify them in an instant if anyone were to show pictures of F1 drivers.

Natalia, Miles, Charlotte and Spinz had already left earlier on, leaving Nadia and Lewis to get to the track together as planned. The knock resonated through the door, signaling that Lewis was here to pick her up. Grabbing everything she needed including the paddock passes, she got to the door with a slight scowl on her face.

"Woah, you're blonde now." Lewis pointed out, leaning against the doorframe with his hands in his pants pockets. His red sunglasses matched the parts of red on his Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirt with his blue sneakers matching the blue parts. He flashed his smile, showing off his grillz.

"That FIA president better watch his mouth when it comes to you, talking some bullshit so early in the morning." She warned, locking the door with her key card once more and she placed her all black sunglasses on.

"Nads, wait. What's going on?" Lewis stood there. "Went on a deep dive last night and developed a deep resentment towards the higher ups of the sport." She said, shrugging her shoulders then leading the way towards the elevator.

As confused as he was, Lewis walked quick to catch up with her as she walked closer and closer to the elevator.

"And before you say anything peace instilling, I'm not going to beat anybody up...yet." Nadia said, crossing her arms as she stood next to Lewis in the large metal box. "..You look really nice today." Lewis chose his words carefully, not used to seeing her in this mood.

"So do you, very chilled out. Well, until you smile then you'll send those geezers into a heart attack." She snickered, showing the matching grillz. "I think they'll be fine. They saw a glimpse of my stomach yesterday and told me I looked like Magic Mike." He said, laughing at the ridiculous comments he heard yesterday.

"Not them comparing you to an unsexy white man?" She jokingly said, with them falling into a fit of giggles. "I know this is going to sound out of pocket but did you know that your arms look very bite-able? Like I could just take a munch out of them."

"Nadia, what the fuck?"

It was evidently clear that this was a huge weekend for Miami, thousands of fans walking the streets in merchandise from their favourite teams or drivers.

The motorcade they were riding in could be compared to being presidential, people cheering whenever it drove by and getting out of windows to cheer at the red lights. Reaching the Hard Rock stadium, it shocked Nadia to see how many people were in attendance with probably thousands more already welcomed in. With the touch of a button, Lewis' window went down as he greeted everyone with a wave and a smile, gaining a positive reaction from everyone.

Eventually slowing down within the private parking, the pretend couple climbed out the car with Lewis opening the car door for Nadia. Waving to the crowd with him made Nadia feel slightly overwhelmed, noticing how the crowd grew even more when he appeared.

Leaning down a little to whisper into her ear, "You can be with me for now then we can walk in together." Lewis' breath tickling her ear, fighting a shy smile towards the man. Walking with him to his supporters or literally anyone who shoved anything in his direction, Nadia took out her phone to capture this moment and how loved he truly was.

A few fans were signaling to her to sign some stuff and for pictures, surprising her at the excitement of the fans. Leaning over to sign stuff, she received a few friendship bracelets, a few gifts that she handed over to security and some many compliments that her cheeks were starting to hurt.

"Bye everyone!" She exclaimed, signaled to finish up and head into the paddock. The crowd responded and she felt a large hand intertwine with hers, relieved to see that it was Lewis'. Cameras had begun to follow them, her hand squeezing his in nervousness. Reaching the official entrance of the paddock, he stepped back to let her sign in first then he did afterwards.

Flipping her blonde hair and fixing her sunglasses, their hands intertwined once again as they began to walk down the incredibly long pathway. All types of media was running around them like headless chickens, hurling questions their way but all the two did was smile and greet everyone who greeted them.

The power that resonated through the pretend couple as they walked towards the Mercedes hospitality inside the stadium, everyone could feel it. The pure confidence and kindness they showed on the short walk was enough to keep the world talking for a few weeks, grillz shining as they grinned and Lewis fist bumped people as he usually did.

Once reaching Mercedes, Nadia and Lewis weren't aware of the small crowd that had gathered behind them as they walked, everyone intrigued with the sight of Nadia next to the 7x World champion of the sport. "Lewis! Nadia, hello!" A short woman with a blonde bob enthusiastically said, standing up from one of the chairs inside the building.

"Susie! How's it going?" Lewis said, hugging the woman. "I am doing quite well," Susie said. "Who is this beautiful woman?" She asked, setting her eyes on a nervous looking Nadia.

"Hello, I'm Nadia. It's such a pleasure to meet you, Lewis told me about you." She smiled, stretching her arm out for a handshake that Susie happily accepted. "Oh my, likewise. I will have to steal you away from him now as he has to get ready for quali. Toto has meet you as well." Susie said.

"I do have to go unfortunately so I'll see you later in the garage?" Lewis asked, placing his hand on her waist whilst looking into her eyes. "Yup, have fun bruv." Nadia winked then placed a kiss on his cheek, the lipgloss leaving a residue on his cheek that he didn't dare to wipe off.

He winked back (dismally), then left the two ladies, greeting everyone in his way before walking off with Rosa, his Mercedes media personnel.

As Susie and Nadia had the cutest bonding time, including a very giddy Toto Wolff who was excited to see Lewis' wife to make sure that he wasn't seeing things. Nadia walked out of the hospitality with a chocolate bar in her hand, trying to remember the directions Susie had given her to the Paddock club.

Having no clue where she was going, she approached a woman who looked quite kind, donning the same passes as she was across her chest. "Hi there!" Nadia greeted as she stopped in front of the woman who's eyes went wide at the sight of Nadia in front of her.

"Holy shit, you're her." The woman blurted out as she then proceeded to slap her hand on her mouth afterwards. Nadia giggled at the woman's reaction, watching her as she swallowed whatever was in her mouth. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. You're just so pretty in real life. I'm Lily." She rambled out.

"Hey Lily, I'm Nadia," the older woman tilted her head a bit and maintained eye contact. "Don't know if you're busy right now but do you mind showing me to the paddock club? Thank you for the compliment, so are you!" She spoke, seeing Lily lose her breath a little when making direct eye contact.

"Oh! Of course, that's where I'm headed right now. You can join me in my walk there, it's not too far." Lily offered, to which Nadia just nodded and the two conversed all the way.

Once reaching the overly luxurious and crowded space, Lily guided Nadia towards a private section of the already exclusive space. Greeting those who waved at her as they walked by, she spotted a group of younger looking women who were eagerly looking around until their eyes landed on Lily and Nadia, smiles growing larger with them all standing up in excitement.

Deciding to greet the group first, she held her arms out and they fell into a huge group hug. Nadia felt surprisingly safe and definitely knew that these were the wags that Natalia was speaking about a few days before.

"Super sorry for the ambush, once we saw you enter the paddock we've been excited." The calm brunette woman grinned. "I'm Carmen, I'm with George." She tucked her hair behind her ear, her aura very classy.

George Russell, Lewis' teammate.

"I'm Kika! Francisca but I prefer Kika." The tall girl introduced herself, resembling a deer. Her eyes large with a beaming smile. "I'm with Pierre."

Pierre Gasly, apart of that one pink team. French guy.

"I'm Alexandra, so nice to meet you." The last girl introduced herself, voice very soft but visibly excited. She looked like she would be with someone from Ferrari. "I'm with Charles." She beams, Nadia's guess being correct.

"Well hi everyone, I'm Nadia." She said, opting for all the girls to sit. Kika gasped before she sat down, "oh my goodness, I just realised that you look like Tinker Bell."

The other girls looked at Nadia properly and agreeing with Kika, giggles floating around.

A lengthy conversation from fashion to careers to food, the group of women were interrupted by a Mercedes employee, asking for both Carmen and Nadia in the garage. Grabbing each other's hands, the two women greeted their friends goodbye as they walked out of the Paddock club.

The Mercedes garage was everything that Nadia imagined it to be, people wizzing in and out of there with both cars proudly displayed as the crowd gathered to take pictures of each car or simply wanting a picture in front of the driver's garages.

Spotting her husband's braids over everyone in front of him, she carefully walked over to him, not wanting to trip over anything. Locking eyes with each other, Lewis quickly put his airpods back into their case and stuck his hand out for her to hold onto. Manoeuvring his arm around her shoulder whilst holding her hand, Lewis held Nadia closer to him. Avoiding the cameras and the watching eyes everywhere.

"So? How was it? Heard you are quite the star today." Lewis teased. Glancing up at the man through her lashes, she smiled and bounced on her feet a little. "Everyone is so nice. I met the other girlfriends and bruv, you should've seen them. It was like I was holding the universe in my hands." She joked, earning a nod and a smile.

"Do you think you have one more introduction left in you? I have someone I'd like you to meet." He said, looking forward then at her, his sunglasses sitting on his forehead. Turning her head in the direction he just looked, she spotted someone familiar and as they walked closer, she recognised the tall figure and her stomach dropped.

"Lewis, hey man! What's good?" Pharrell Williams greeted her husband with a handshake then hug, letting go of Nadia's body for a brief period of time. Nadia couldn't believe the sight in front of her, her idol was chatting it up with her husband.

"And i want you to meet my wife, Nadia. My guardian angel through all this shit." Lewis beamed at her, holding her closer once again to bring her towards Pharrell. "Ah, it's a such an honour to meet you." The man exclaimed, his grillz shining as well. "He's said so many good things about you after the reveal, I was genuinely shocked that you two could keep a secret like this." Pharrell snickered.

Processing the fact that Lewis had spoken about her to her idol and that said idol mentioned that it was an honour, all she could really do was smile and nod. "Well, I'm glad we're finally out now." Nervously chuckling, Nadia tucked her hair behind her ear.

With a light conversation and a few pictures, Pharrell ended off with words that Nadia couldn't believe she just heard. "I hope to see you two in Paris, remember front row and I'll be sure to send some stuff from LV." The older man remarked, slowly walking away as it was almost time for Quali to begin.

Nadia sat with large headphones on her head, Bono's voice occasionally chiming in to Lewis. The screen in front of her showed all the cars racing on track, starting off quite smoothly in Q1. Whenever the camera would pan to her during a pit stop, she would smile or wink, quite literally the only actions she's been able to do this whole weekend.

RACE DAY.

As if it was clockwork, she sat in the same chair with her hands balled up in front of her mouth and her eyebrows furrowed as she watched Car 44 whiz around the track.

Being behind the scenes the day before had truly helped her understand the dynamics of the sport, Nadia's eyes snapping between watching the car drive and the current position he was in. P4 and there were only a few laps left of the race. Miles and Natalia were seated next to her, stressing just as much as Nadia did.

The atmosphere in the garage was tense, only audible sounds being heard in Nadia's ears were the car's engine and occasional groans or cheers from the crowd outside. Feeling all her senses show in anticipation, her clothes felt tighter than they actually were and her hands were shaking as she watched her husband turn the car into the specific corner that has been an issue the whole race.

As the last 2 laps went on, she stood up abruptly as anxiety seeped through her body. Nadia knew it was going to be a good position but seeing Lewis come alive in the final laps could put him anywhere. His car swiftly overtook Alonso’s, the finish line just a few metres away from him and Natalia stood next to her as they all watched Lewis finish the race.

P2.

The cheer that erupted from her was genuine, a few people celebrating all around them with the pit crew giving each other hugs.

“Nadia! Let’s go to the podium!” Rosa exclaimed, a giant smile on her face as she held her hand out. Looking back at Natalia and Miles, they both urged to go. With a grill filled smile on her face, she waved to whichever camera was on her and ran out excitedly with Rosa to where most of the Mercedes team where going to be along with media.

Upon getting to the infamous barrier as they waited for all three winning cars to arrive in parc ferme, Nadia held her head as she expressed her excitement to the woman. Members of the media could see that Nadia was making her way there, her own little paparazzi forming with many questions being asked but Rosa managed to guide her to the very front.

Lewis climbed out of the car, the neon and purple helmet sitting pretty as he walked towards the team doing a little dance on the way. Spotting Nadia first, his grin widened with his eyes closing a bit as he approached her. Once in front of her, Nadia threw arms around him and kissed his open visor, a brown and glossy residue sticking on there. Their eyes locked once and it was such an intimate yet soft moment between the two.

Her eyes filled with pride and happiness and his filled with gratitude for the woman in front of him, a special bond building right in front of the world. Planting the forehead of his helmet with her head, they scrunched their noses as they maintained eye contact with each other, not even realising that they were holding hands.

The moment was shortly interrupted by the noise of fans and the Mercedes team screaming in joy as he moved on to celebrate with them before hurrying to take his weight and get ready to go to the break down room before stepping onto the podium.

Minutes later, the drivers reappeared onto the podium, each one waving at their respective teams along with the crowd. As the English national anthem began, Nadia’s eyes went to the figure of her smiling husband, hands tucked behind him. Looking at the man and not the obscene amount of cameras on her at that moment, Nadia had to remind herself that all this was to benefit their parents’ feelings and to simply help Lewis.

This wasn’t real.

The trophies were being handed to the drivers, Lewis immediately lifting his and pointing to his team then Nadia, winking at her before waving to the screaming crowd. Watching him in his element was never going to get old , that was for sure and thinking about how all this could end one day made her stomach drop, her facade still showing the proud smile as she watched him leave the podium.

At least two hours later, Nadia, Miles and Natalia sat on one of the benches outside the Mercedes hospitality with their ice cold waters in front of them. The two teased Nadia to no end about her meeting Pharrell and how most of the interaction was caught on video by fans, posting on twitter.

“Listen, when you’re a stylist and you see your fav fashion person in real life, you’d scream too.” Nadia laughed as she hid her face in her hands.

“Just saying Nads, the shocked look you gave him when he was about to walk up to you lot was so cute. Gonna get that shit printed.” Natalia joked, earning an eye roll from Nadia.

“Aye! There’s the man of the hour!” Miles exclaimed, watching Lewis walk up to the building with Rosa right next to him, the Mercedes shirt flowing in the light breeze.

Giving his friends their own handshakes, he sat next to Nadia and gave her a fist bump, the two of them giggling right after that. “There’s no way you just fist bumped her?” Miles said, pointing at his friend then Nadia.

“It’s our thing, don’t worry about it bro.” Lewis said , a mischievous smile on his face. “So how was your first race, bruv? Susie said you should try be a team principal.” He asked, turning his body to face her once again.

“My days, Lew! That shit got me on my toes. The numbers took a while to understand but I eventually got it. Also which ones Leclerc?” Nadia asked, looking at the others.

“That one’s Charles. He’s a good one.” Natalia responded.

“Oh okay, he’s cool in my books. Those two red bulls got on my fucking nerves though. Driving like maniacs and that other one almost pushing you off the track?” In all fairness, Nadia was fuming at the thought of it. It was one of the moments that constantly replayed in her mind.

“Oh Perez. They’re okay, just glad I was able to get on podium.” Lewis shrugged his shoulders as he relaxed his arms onto the table. “There are no cameras here, bruv. I don’t fucking like them or that fuck ass team with their team principal. A bunch of pricks.” Nadia cussed, her friends watching her and giggling at her reaction.

“That’s how we feel as well but mr nice guy doesn’t think so. Welcome to the club, babe.” Natalia reached out her hand to Nadia’s. Accepting it, she breathed out and looked at Lewis once again who gave her a little smile.

“Tell those guys to get their shit together or else I’ll deal with them myself. Anyways, your drive was amazing today.” She smiled as if she wasn’t pissed two seconds ago.

“Y’know what, Nads? I totally get it.” Miles said, fist bumping her, adding a little gimmick after it.

“Anyone want ice cream?” Lewis proposed, watching his friends and their interaction, his attention on Nadia and how passionate she felt about the race. His eyes stuck on her the more she spoke about her weekend, her lip gloss from earlier still shining with their interaction at parc ferme replaying in his mind.

nadiahamilton • 14 min. “Miami, you’ve been good!”

taglist: @non-stop-imagines @folkloresthings @tispys-blog @userlando @lorarri @thisismeracing @thatsdemko @myescapefromthislife @slytherinjimin3nthusiast @jamie2305 @like-fire-love-blog @sugardontbesweet @simpfortoomanymen @mauvecherie-writes @queenshikongo3 @eugene-emt-roe @deepgothfiremuffin @18754389 @cherry2stems @anubisnoir @littlelizzies-world @httpsserene @apenasumlug4r @youre-sooooo-funny @eddiesbitch83 @arshiyuh @alika-4466 @peyiswriting @sunfairyy @roseseraj @vsfavs @goldenalbon @mistruscity @tian-monique @hopefulromantic1 (i admire your work sm!)

(if your acc is blank, that mean tumblr couldn’t find you!)

dividers by: @cafekitsune

nadia’s fc: @/unclewaffles on ig!

all pictures are from ig and pinterest!

#☆ ‧₊˚ saint’s media pen #lewis hamilton #formula 1 #f1 #f1 x reader #formula one x black reader #x black fem reader #formula one x reader #x black reader #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton x black reader #lewis hamilton x oc #lewis hamilton fanfics #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton fic #f1 x black!reader #f1 x oc #f1 imagines #f1 fanfic

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southerngothicchic · 6 months

Text

This is the most self-indulgent thing I've written so far 🙃

You loved your boyfriend's hands. You loved how his fingers traced along your skin, especially your neck. Just the warmth from his touch made you crave him even more. You also loved when they roamed your body, except when he slid them under your shirt. You'd place your hand on his, stopping him and he would always nod and whisper, "Ok."

You felt ridiculous, letting your insecurities about your body get to you, but you couldn't help it. You knew the types of girl's he was with before you, and the one thing they had that you didn't.

It wasn't like you were completely flat chested, but your breasts were on the smaller side. Which in turn, made you super self conscious, especially when you were in high school. Now, fast forward a few years, and you were dating the man of your dreams and former high school crush, Steve Harrington.

The relationship was still fairly new, though he made it clear in that short period of time how much he adored you. His arms were always around you, his lips pressing kisses anywhere he could. He was so doting and sweet, truly the perfect boyfriend.

Whenever you were intimate, he made sure to go at your pace. Your comfort and pleasure came first, sometimes literally. With as much as you knew he adored you, you still couldn't bring yourself to let him see or feel your bare chest. You silently berated yourself for still feeling this way.

You longed to feel his hands all over you, and you know he wanted that too.

One night you find yourself in a similar position, laying underneath him, as you make out. Your hands are in his hair as he kisses you slowly, savoring the feeling of your lips.

One hand rests next to your head, while the other holds your hip. He gradually moves it higher, slipping it under your shirt. The feeling of his fingertips makes you shiver, before his hand cups you through your bra.

You whimper against his lips as he squeezes.

"You like that, honey?" He asks, in between another kiss.

You nod, opening your eyes to dreamily gaze up at him.

"Would you like to feel more?"

You watch his warm eyes darken with lust as he awaits your answer.

"Yes."

"Can you take this off for me, then?" He lightly pulls on the hem of your oversized shirt.

You nod again, and he sits up, so you can pull your shirt over your head. It slips from your hands onto the floor as your eyes are on Steve. His gaze is hungry as his eyes travel your chest. He then leans forward and runs his finger under your bra strap. His eyes meet yours and you know what he wants.

You sharply inhale, before reaching to unclasp your bra. It then hangs loosely on your arms, before you discard it. It lands on the floor, somewhere near your shirt. You immediately cover yourself, heat rising to your cheeks. He then reacts by wrapping you in his arms and pressing kisses to your forehead.

"You're safe with me, honey," he assures.

You feel your eyes watering from how comforting he is.

"You know what," he begins, pulling away, "just so we're even..."

He then tugs his striped polo over his head and tosses it on the floor. You bite your lip at the sight of his hairy chest. He smiles before kneeling in front of you. His hands gently grip your wrists as he looks into your eyes. You resist, at first, before letting him guide your hands away from your chest and place them against his.

You try to stifle a gasp as you make contact with his skin. He releases your wrists and slips his arms around your waist, pushing you closer to him. Your chest presses against his as he captures your lips in a kiss.

The sensation of the light scratch of his chest hair against your nipples makes you moan into the kiss.

"Love feeling you close like this..." he breathes. "Love that you trust me... you do trust me, don't you, angel?"

"Yes..."

"Lie back," he instructs, with the tip of his nose brushing yours. "I wanna show you how much I adore you."

Your mind's already fuzzy as you lay back, onto the bed. He hovers over you, his body overwhelming your senses as he places kisses along your neck. You wrap your arms around him as he sucks the first of many hickeys into your skin. He kisses his way to your collarbone, lightly nibbling on it, before kissing lower and lower, until he reaches the top of your breast.

You tense up when you feel his hot breath on you.

"You're so beautiful, angel," he laments. "I wish you could see yourself the way I do."

He presses kisses all over, before swirling his tongue around your nipple.

Your back arches and a breathy sigh of his name leaves your lips as he sucks you into his mouth. His moans vibrate through you as you throw your head back.

He pulls away, glancing up at you and seeing how you're already unraveling.

"That feel good?" He asks, with a smirk as you nod.

"I always wanna make you feel good, angel, if you'll let me..."

"I want too," you reply. "I'm just nervous..."

"About what?"

You shakily exhale. "Not living up to your expectations. I'm so afraid of disappointing you..."

"Honey," he begins, his tone serious, yet comforting, "you could never disappoint me. I care so much about you and really it should be the other way around."

"Steve-"

"I'm not the same guy I was in high school. We're like completely different people now, so you don't need to worry about living up to nonexistent expectations anymore," he comforts, bringing his hand up to cup your cheek.

"I love every part of your body, and I don't want you to be afraid to let your guard down with me," he continues, as his thumb caresses your cheek.

"You're obviously not that guy anymore, and I know I shouldn't still feel like this, but-"

He cuts you off with a soft kiss.

"Its ok. I'll go as slow as you want," he breathes, ghosting his lips over yours.

"You're really wonderful, Steve Harrington," you smile, curling your fingers in his hair.

Now he's blushing as you guide his lips back to yours.

"Can I keep showing you how much you mean to me?"

"Yes, please..." you breathe, perfectly content with letting your boyfriend worship you for the rest of the night.

#steve harrington #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #soft smut

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c0la-queen · 3 months

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All We Need (Is Each Other) | Eddsworld Roommates x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Comfort

Warnings: Minor violence, alcohol mentions, I know nothing about British life

Word Count: 1.3K

---

You sighed at the feeling of water soaking into the back of your collar. No matter how many times you towel dried your hair after a shower, it still got your shirts wet. The house was fairly quiet, being so empty. The hallway lights were off, and the living room was illuminated by only the TV. You passed through to the kitchen to grab a drink, but paused.

A figure sat on the end of the couch, curled up against the armrest. His hood was pulled over his head, the red material fighting the electronic blue light. His face was turned to the television, but one glance at the mindless infomercial could tell you that he wasn't paying attention. You walked over and leaned on the back of the couch. He didn't notice, which was very uncharacteristic.

"Tord?"

The mention on his name shot his focus to you. He looked startled.

"I didn't realize anyone else was home."

"Clearly. Are you okay?"

His lips pressed together into a flat line. The message was clear. He didn't want to talk about it. A moment of tense silence passed by. One minute, then two.

"Do you want to help me bake?"

"What?"

You pointed back at the bright lights of the kitchen.

"I've got some cupcake mix that I planned to use Sunday. But I think this is a better occasion."

Tord rolled his eyes, as if the mere idea of him baking was the most ridiculous thing ever. Still, he got to his feet and followed you.

---

Edd pinched the bridge of his nose, resisting the urge to slam his head into the steering wheel of his car. He had taken a short trip to the grocery store. Literally only twenty minutes to grab some drinks.

Somehow, in those twenty minutes, his friends had managed to start another argument. He watched his notifications exploded with the ring of Discord messages. Usually he was the first to mediate these fights, as was his responsibility as owner of the server. This time, he didn't even have the energy to see what it was about. Instead he sat in the near empty parking lot. He probably looked like a creep, staring at his phone with the car still off.

How were these the same people he met all those years ago? It seemed like the ones he had befriended at that convention were total strangers compared to the pixelated usernames flooding his screen. At the beginning, he loved having online friends. They were fresh faces, people he shared common interests with. That magic faded over time.

At the sight of a DM from one of the friends, he shut his phone off. He threw it in the passenger seat and fumbled for his keys. It was time for a break from them. He'd let them know when he got home.

---

The noise was getting to be too much. Tom gripped his glass tighter. Behind him, two girls that were his "friends" screamed at each other. Everyone else in their group gathered around, either trying to extinguish the flames or build them higher. He sat with a bored indifference. This exact argument had been played out countless times before. The same people, different people, more people, it all ended the same way; a fight, a night in jail, and an ended relationship.

Right on cue, the sound of a slap rang out. More shouting accompanied, more impacts after that. What was it this time? Oh yeah, Blonde Girl #1 slept with Brunette Girl #3's boyfriend. What they didn't know is that Brunette #2 slept with him, too.

He tipped back his glass, downing the rest of his drink. The clear liquid burned as it went down, similar to the string of the slap in the argument. Still silent, he handed his money to the bartender.

As he meandered to the door, he put his hands in his pants pockets. The bartender got involved now, his ringing voice muffled by the closing door. The chill of the night sobered up his senses. Despite the cold, he leaned against the car, awaiting Matt's arrival. After the second minor accident, he promised the others that he'd stop drinking and driving, no matter how little the amount.

He really needed to rethink who he went to the bar with.

---

Matt sighed woefully as he closed up the store. All the other clerks had went home, leaving him with the company of the display mannequins.

He had never felt so... unfulfilled before. It wasn't the job, he loved working the fashion scene. Even if it was in the mall, nothing made him happier than helping other people find their styles.

He traced his hands through the aisles. The fabric sliding through his fingers like water was home. He knew each material, every stitch and thread. What was wrong?

It hit him like a flash. It wasn't the work, it was the people. He loved his coworkers, sure. But they were so immaterial. There was no substance to their interactions. Only "he said, she said", "did you see that guy", and "I can't believe she'd wear that" made up their conversations. It was tiring. After so many years of those hollow friendships, when was too much? Not like he was going to say anything, though. No, he was too much of a people pleaser to do that.

Bag in hand, he waved goodbye to the odd person still closing up shop in the mall. Those interactions were fine. They were direct and simple. "I know you enough to recognize you so I'll give you a basic social courtesy, nothing more." Not small talk wearing a mask of intimacy.

It was fortunate that the bar Tom frequented was right next door to the mall. Carpooling was so much easier when one could just walk across the sidewalk that separated the two parking lots.

Tom eyed his ginger companion.

"You look like shit."

"'I could say the same to you."

Matt glanced over at the commotion by the door, watching two girls being dragged out by police. Tom tossed him they keys.

"You don't wanna know."

The two climbed into their seats and started the journey home. Matt smiled softly into the night.

"Looks like we both need new friends."

---

All three boys pulled into the driveway at the same time. Tom raised an eyebrow at Edd when they got out.

"Where were you?"

He held up the newly bought carton of milk as an answer.

Once inside, they were all hit with the sweet smell of fresh baking.

---

You turned to the kitchen doorway, laughing at the sight of Edd, Tom, and Matt crowded around. They must have smelled the cupcakes and come to investigate. Your assistant had his back turned, too busy applying frosting to see the new arrivals. Edd grinned while pulling out his phone.

"Tord, are you wearing an apron?"

He whipped around, but it was too late. The moment he faced the other three, Edd's camera flashed.

"Delete that right now."

"Not a chance!"

You knew Tord was about to charge, so you held up the pan in your hands. Pot holders served as a barrier between your skin and the metal.

"Hot pan here, please don't fight!"

With a grumble, Tord went back to his task. You could see the faint tint of red on his ears, but decidedly stayed silent.

Matt was practically starry eyed.

"What kind of cupcakes did you bake?"

"They're strawberry! I had a feeling today was a pastry day."

The chorus of nods confirmed the idea. Apparently, they had all had a rough day.

You dusted your hands off after setting the pan on the stove.

"Why don't you guys wash your hands and help Tord out?"

"Frosting these things is surprisingly calming."

#eddsworld #eddsworld x reader #eddsworld tord #eddsworld edd #eddsworld tom #eddsworld matt #eddsworld tord x reader #eddsworld tom x reader #eddsworld edd x reader #eddsworld matt x reader

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pessimisticpigeonsworld · 4 months

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I've been re-watching hotd and on ep 6, when Harwin and his father is killed in a fire started by Harwin's brother, Alicent acts shocked????

"I did not wish for this."

Didn't she spend 10+ years spreading rumors of Rhae's kids being "bastards" (with it possibly causing all their + rhae's deaths) ?????

And with the rumors (caused by her) and her stating that Aegon would be king????

Its funny how she is all "I didn't wish for this" while flashing her doe eyes as if she wasn't the one spouting rumors lmao while everybody (including THE KING) just did not care and claimed them!!!!

Alicent, even when her faction has staged a coup, will never accept responsibility for her actions. She always shuffles the blame off to a man or Rhaenyra. The interesting thing is, she'll blame the men around her for everything (some of which is right let's be real) but still continues to serve them. Meanwhile she despises Rhaenyra for being willing to rebel against men's expectations and blames her for Alicent's own choices.

In the situation with Larys murdering Lyonel and Harwin, the blame is on both Alicent and Larys, but Alicent's rejection of that culpability is ridiculous. Sure, she didn't outright say she wanted Larys to kill his family, but she did spend a decade complaining about Lyonel's actions as Hand and bitching about Harwin and Rhaenyra's relationship.

Both Alicent and Larys knew that Viserys wasn't about to get rid of a Hand who is politically savvy and respects his wishes (unlike some people) and they knew Lyonel wasn't going to step down anytime soon. They also knew that, while Lyonel was sending Harwin away for a time, that probably wouldn't keep him separated from Rhaenyra or the capital forever. Death was the only option that would actually give Alicent what she wanted.

Larys literally asked her if she wanted him to ensure her father's return to court. She's been working with him for a decade, how is she still surprised by his methods? Also how is Larys' kinslaying more deplorable than literally anything Rhaenyra has done? Yet Alicent continues to employ and give sexual favors to Larys while simultaneously condemning Rhaenyra for having extramarital sex with the consent of her husband.

Alicent was the only person who cared about who was the father of Rhaenyra's children other than Vaemond, who only cared because he wanted Driftmark. Viserys told her repeatedly to let it go, Laenor claimed the boys happily, Corlys named Lucerys his heir after Laenor's disappearance. No one in the fucking realm cared, as we see when the Dance begins; most of the realm supported Rhaenyra and the ones who didn't were only against her because of her gender and bribes from the greens. Alicent is just a bitter woman who can't stand to see a woman fight against the system she willfully upholds while simultaneously rejecting any guilt of her own actions.

#anti alicent hightower #anti team green #team black #rhaenyra targaryen #anti alicent stans #harwin strong #house of the dragon #anti larys strong

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raine-kai · 7 months

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Luffy and the Limitations of Reality

Today I finally got the time to watch the Gear 5th fight episodes, and I had some thoughts. (Well. It's less that I had time, and more that I was paying no attention to anything else because my brain was full of One Piece so I decided to embrace it.)

First off, SEVEN EPISODES??? Wow they really milked it 😂 I don't remember how many chapters it was but seven would be almost a whole volume and I don't think it was that. (Yes, I know, old news that the anime will milk these things for all they're worth, but still.)

Secondly and most of all, though, I want to talk about what Gear 5th, and Luffy's use of it, tells us about him.

Luffy is excellent at working out clever ways to fight opponents, even when it seems impossible, and training himself up to impossible lengths, using everything he has at his disposal.

But Gear 5th is a little bit different in that it's literally world-bending. The fact that he could use it more or less instantly could be the fruit communicating to him via their compatibility...or it could be that Luffy is always pushing the boundaries of reality in his mind.

While it could easily be a bit of both, Luffy's comment that he can do everything he wanted suggests to me that it's more of the latter.

This means, to me, that Luffy has always felt a little bit caged inside his own head, trapped by the boundaries of reality and physics. That Gear 5th to him is breaking free of these trivial cages that have always limited him, and allowed him to have the time of his life.

There's something that resonates with me about that, feeling trapped in your mind and discovering an outlet through imagination and joy that cut through and reshape a dark, serious world.

One Piece is full of metaphors and references and I'm sure we've barely scratched the surface of what Sun God Nika means, and who Joy Boy was.

But I feel there is something momentous about having Luffy be so good at using his Nika powers, with very little learning curve. Something that suggests an enormity about how he fights all systems that limit him all the time, including physics and reality itself.

He's always done silly things in battle—the first examples that come to mind are the time he tried to eat Crocodile and water Luffy and gomu gomu no boh—and Gear 5th harkens back to those with Kaido demanding that Luffy take the fight seriously. But things like grabbing lightning or peeling up the ground? Luffy has these extremely wacky ideas and as soon as he sees that he can make the ground change form to suit him, he immediately starts playing with that.

One Piece has always had a huge theme of freedom, and I like that it takes this theme to extremes—freedom even from things like physics which will forever constrain us.

It's redefined the shonen genre, and continues to do so by defying and subverting genre conventions again and again.

I've been a One Piece fan for over twenty years, and most of the long-running stories that I was a fan of twenty years ago have waned in my esteem; yet here is One Piece, still waxing, still growing in its scope and impact. The queer representation that used to be considered questionable has become something largely seen as very positive—not through retconning, but through expanding the in-world representation of non-cis characters. (I still live in dread that one day this will be taken away, but until then....) The story has had its ups and downs, but it always introduces something new to drag me back in.

Today, it's the notion that true freedom means even freedom from physics and the limitations of the material world, and that could so easily be silly...and it IS silly, but in a way that continues to make me invested in the story, and love Luffy ever more.

Kaido keeps telling Luffy to be serious, calling him a child...but he loses. All this time, he's been waiting for Joy Boy, but when he meets him, he ridicules him.

There's something in here too about the power of childish fun, embracing your brain's weirdness, and not minding when people call you names.

But when I put it like that...hasn't that always been ONE PIECE in a nutshell?

#one piece anime #one piece spoilers #gomu gomu no mi #sun god nika #monkey d. luffy #luffy #gear 5th #gear 5 spoilers #one piece meta #meta

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fyeahnix · 1 year

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so the last few weeks I've been horribly obsessed with a little game called Project Zomboid. I initially bought it during the Steam Winter Sale as a game to chill to on my Steam Deck. I thought "ok zombie apocalypse survival RPG, I'll try it out, sure" and I was also wondering how tf a game was still in beta for 10 years

LITTLE DID I FUCKING KNOW....

this game is so ridiculously detailed it's unreal. you have to manage your hunger, sleep, thirst, mood/happiness, stress, prep for the water and power shutting off, prep for rising zombie populations, prep for winter, etc. OH yeah SEASONS. the game is very realistic seasons that mimic real life. there's so much to talk about just in the mechanics alone that I don't know where to start.

anyway, I started playing this on the deck, and eventually moved to PC because I saw how much more controls and shit you can do with a mouse and keyboard. and I like it so much better.

so the game straight up tells you that at some point, you will die, and there's nothing you can do about it. and that's fine. I died SO MANY FUCKING TIMES when I first played. I played on Apocalypse mode initially (which was very stupid as it's the hardest preset difficulty lol), and then moved to Survivor when I found that out. but the more YT videos I watched on this game, the more people really encourage you to play Sandbox mode and figure out what your preferred playstyle is.

so that's what I did when I moved to PC. I found out I do no like zombie infection so I turned it off. zombie infection happens 100% of the time when you're bitten by a zombie and there's literally no way to stop it, you get sick and die a slow death over the course of like 3-4 in-game days. if you get scratched or lacerated there's a percentage chance of that happening too. I just didn't like making progress and then having it stripped away because I got unlucky.

I finally made a character that survived more than a month in-game, made the firehouse in Rosewood a base, had a lot of shit set up for water, farming, electricity, etc, and then I fucking DIED trying to clear out a grocery store. now when you die, you can choose to respawn another character in the same world, but all your skills are reset. I chose this option instead of starting over completely because I had a good thing going and I enjoyed that setup. what I didn't like was the skill grind. I managed to get most of my skills back up to where they were before death in the span of a few hours because I had all that set up at my base. anyway, I said "this grind isn't fun" and installed a mod to craft a skill journey where you can manually record your character's experience progress and if they die, you can read the journal and get those skills back.

that came in clutch because last night, my second character died trying to clear zombies out at the kentucky state prison in Rosewood. that kinda upset me, but I just reset in rosewood, went to my base to gear up with backup gear, and trekked it on foot to the prison to reclaim my lost shit:

that red circle is my second character's dead body I had to drag outside and loot because there were too many corpses inside. (btw if you stay around corpses for too long your character will get sick). in the bottom right corner you can see my truck that got abandoned. thankfully I got in an out pretty quickly and got my truck back.

now you're prob saying "wtf that takes the fun out of the game" to which I reply "to you" lol. the survival and combat aspects of this game are fun as is the exploration, but the skill grinding takes forever for some skills and I didn't wanna redo that again. the downside of this is that I STILL have to go retrieve my shit and if it's too far away from my base, then I might be SOL. these two deaths were lucky because they were within walking distance of my base. also I still have to reread skill books for bonuses and that takes DAYS in-game to accomplish because I took the slow reader trait....

anyway here's some of my base. it's a fucking mess I am currently trying to clean up:

the patch of grass to the right of the water barrels is where I farm food. but I have a ton of food in the freezers so I'm holding off on farming again until I get close to low on fresh food. I have canned food as a backup.

bottom two pics is my messy ass storage and workshop area. I got a shit ton of guns and ammo from the prison that I hauled back in my pickup truck and I need to organize everything. the problem is that I need a skill book to learn how to make metal crates and neither the bookstore nor the school library has it so I have to venture out. second problem is that I may have to go to Muldraugh or March Ridge to check those bookstores and I'm DREADING it. the prison furthered humbled me and I don't wanna die again lol esp not that far away from my base. but I gotta do it. all for metal storage crates. you're prob wondering "why metal? just make the wooden ones and you're golden." and you would be correct but fuck it, 80 storage space compared to 40 and 60 for the level 1 and 2 wooden crates is just so much more appealing and I have a ton of shit that needs to be stored.

anyway that's my adventures in PZ so far. there's more to talk about like how I tried to go to the lone shack out in the woods one day to find an antique oven, almost got stranded, and had to make the trek back because the road there was covered in trees and not good for car travel. speaking of, the map is absolutely fucking gigantic. don't play this game without the map on another screen. it makes planning and traversal so much better

but yeah. it's about to be winter in a few in-game days, which means I'm gonna be struggling to forage for food, fish, and grow crops from December-February. I have food and water saved up and I think I can make it but maaaan it's gonna be a time.

thanks for coming to my tedtalk lol

#Project Zomboid

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winterarmyy · 7 months

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Random angsty 40's!bucky blurb that i needed to share...

I've been having this constant concept in my head, whenever I'm listening to Midnight Rain by Taylor Swift. This might hurt some people because it has no happy ending. So, you have been warned.

Imagine it's the 40's and Bucky never fell out of that train and both him and Steve survived the war.

He is a war hero and she is an aspiring singer who came to New York to chase her dreams. They met at the bar where she worked at and the first time Bucky heard her singing, saw her performing; he was simply smitten. Literally would spend almost every night at the same bar just to watch her, admire her.

You'd think that his infamous reputation would give him some sort of confidence to woo her, but Bucky was a mess when he tried to approach her. He fumbles with his words, then completely lost them when she giggled at his blushed cheeks. Bucky still thought it was a miracle that she said yes when he asked her out on a date. It wa first of many that they had.

"My town was a wasteland. Full of cages, full of fences. Pageant queens and big pretenders. But for some, it was paradise"

And in one of those dates, she opens up about her past and dreams. Her, coming from a quiet, small town full of pretenders. Her, dreaming of a future where people would know her name, listen to her songs. While most men might ridicule her for having such silly dreams, Bucky has always been supportive of her.

He is sweet and kind, just a blinding ray of light to the shadow of her heart. She loved him. So does Bucky. And they had the most beautiful relationship together. They were happy.

"My boy was a montage. A slow-motion, love potion. Jumping off things in the ocean. I broke his heart 'cause he was nice"

At least until Bucky proposed to her. His knees was on the creaking wooden floor of his small apartment, his eyes wide and glisten with so much love and adoration for her. But even if she loves him with all that's left of her heart, she let her need for chasing her ambition reign her mind. So, she let him down.

"He was sunshine, I was midnight rain. He wanted it comfortable. I wanted that pain. He wanted a bride.I was making my own name. Chasing that fame. He stayed the same. All of me changed like midnight"

They parted ways after; not that Bucky wanted to. He was willing to wait for her until she's ready, however long it takes. But she didn't want to break his heart even more by giving him hope. So, she left.

Months later she was scouted sure enough she made it. She made her name, her legacy. She was a star; and her fame only rose higher until years gone by.

And "Midnight Rain" is her perspective in the future when she got all she ever wanted; her voice to be heard, her songs to played, the fame and the riches that came with it. She had everything. All except one; love.

One lonely night she was on the piano; the thought of Bucky came across her mind. And all of the words just spilled out from her heart, just as the tears broke from her eyes.

"It came like a postcard. Picture perfect, shiny family. Holiday, peppermint candy. But for him it's every day"

She wondered if Bucky ever got married. If he found another lucky woman who can mend the heart she had left broken. If he finally got the happiness he well deserved.

"So I peered through a window. A deep portal, time travel. All the love we unravel. And the life I gave away"

She hopes so. That he is happy but at the same time she missed him so dearly. Her soul yearned for his, her skin longed for his heat. His smile, his laughter, his kisses. Everything was unraveling. And she wondered about the life that she could've had with him if she stayed behind. If she said yes to forever. Would she be happier then?

"I guess sometimes we all get. Just what we wanted, just what we wanted. And he never thinks of me. Except when I'm on TV"

Yes, she made it. She got what she wanted. The cost? She had to abandon what she needed the most. And she imagined that Bucky must have forgotten her by now. He must have erase her from his life, that the thought of her will never came across his mind. Except, perhaps when he saw her in the news.

"I guess sometimes we all get. Some kind of haunted, some kind of haunted. And I never think of him. Except on midnights like this"

Many nights like this, she reminisce about her relationship with Bucky and realized that he is the best thing that had happened to her. And that revelation had haunted her because she knew that it was far too late for her now.

And i-- *sobs*

#bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #40s!bucky #1940s!bucky #bucky angst

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panelshowsource · 8 months

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i did a speedrun through backstage with katherine ryan today (i added it to drive!! i'll try to get better rips soon) — and what an interesting concept! personally i never get tired of the half-scripted reality thang à la meet the richardsons, and one of my favourite things ever is comics just...hanging out... the natural bantz are the best! so her bringing these people all together and seeing/hearing a little of their processes backstage, and them just generally catching up and hyping up each other's work, was super sweet! take a shot every time someone went "you smashed it mate" awww overall cute show!

random thoughts while watching

jimmy and katherine's friendship is really sweet and probably always will be, and it's sweet how much all the other comics seem to really admire him (everyone always being like "jimmy you're so lovely irl and i bet you don't even want people to know!! but i know how lovely you are!! you can fool them but you can't fool me haha!!" even tho no one is being fooled we literally all know how nice jimmy is)

the way they used those insert shots of frankie boyle going down on a croissant... i should not have found that as funny as i did

judi and ivo are fucking hilarious together and remind me a lot of alan and romesh — unhinged + hanging-on-by-a-thread is an amazing combo. she really brings out a sunshiney side of him

katherine refusing to properly roast sara and jo <3

geoff norcott being like "i've been at a gay club with tom allen and he's a top" like no other context whatsoever?? like?? wtf is the story there, right-wing lowkey douche with tom at the club????? i need to hear more about this

michelle de swarte most beautiful woman alive......... i remember watching the duchess wanting katherine to end up with her lol

rosie jones is SUUUCH A MENACE LMAOOO and the fact she uses her free time trying to get her friends cancelled by pretending they pushed her down LMAOOO (as nish said, "[cackle] one of the worst human beings who has ever lived") she is HYSTERICAL

over the past five years i have seen joel dommett lactate more than i have seen my own parents

watching katherine, jimmy, sue perkins, nish, and judi together made me think...like...fuck...this would have been an amazing taskmaster lineup fr. they are all such ridiculous humans

rosie hitting on sue is so valid

JIMMY JUST GETTING HIS FEET OUT?? ("jimmy this is gonna go STRAIGHT on wikifeet!" nish PLEASE) and honestly judi kinda flirting with jimmy "you are so trim" "you are so strong" "you have nice feet" ?? lmfao judi girl ur killing me

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la-pheacienne · 9 months

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It is certainly true that the show has done a lot to force an unbearable climate onto the remaining book fans, but on the other hand you could also wonder - why is such a large part of this remaining book fandom so hell-bent on fanatically supporting the most stupid, toxic ideas we have seen the show to embrace? I would say as stupid as these plot points were, few of the basic, broad ideas Dave and Dan went for were really things they made up all on their own. Mad Queen theories, the distorted view of so many characters like Arya and so on, these all were echoing things a lot of book fans (the type of milieu many of the people in charge of HBO's output were bred in) always WANTED the story and the characters and their trajectory to be, regardless how well founded these wishes matched the actual text.

The show was echoing bad fanon rooted in the book scene more or less from the beginning, you can trace it directly to how some characters were presented and castings were chosen right from the start. That's also why if you listen more closely to so many of the less bearable people in the book scene, the REAL problem so many of them had with the ideas of the latter parts of the show was that it was done in such a way that the public thought it was trash and didn't accept it. The whole agenda of them is now hoping for the books to emerge as some better written version of the show that finally will convince them all that this worthless trash story that is ironically only loved and wanted by these people alone is actually the correct version of it and its characters everyone should finally accept and digest. As ridiculous as the show was, ironically the most ridiculous parts of it were in truth clumsily made fan service for the worst sentiments that were peddled by and nurtured within the book fandom.

Oh, for sure. Thank you for this ask because you have put into words something that has been turning in my head for a long time.

the REAL problem so many of them had with the ideas of the latter parts of the show was that it was done in such a way that the public thought it was trash and didn't accept it.

After almost a year on tumblr and observing the book fandom and reading the BNFs' metas and theories and fanons and briefly delving into reddit and twitter god forbid, I have to say that I agree with you. I can't say how it was in the past though, I wasn't here. But I am afraid it is exactly as you say it is. I mean, Dany's arc from a hero to a fallen hero to a villain because *she watched her abusive brother die without an emotional reaction, psychopath!*, Jon just randomly exiled beyond the Wall because *subverting expectations*, none of them becoming King/Queen of the Seven Kingdoms/KINT, not even BRIEFLY, not even during the War for the Dawn (ok Jon did), because *throne bAAAAD*, *they're not heroes no one can fix Westeros*, *monarchy bAAAAD*, *subverting expectations*, Sansa getting girlbossified because *subverting expectations*, all of these points that ****supposedly*** sucked in GoT, are the exact same theories shared by a very big and very loud part of the BNF here, if not the majority.

So, what exactly is the internet fandom's problem with the show? Is there any? I literally can't see it, except that it was done too quickly and thus made these stupid theories appear even more stupid than they initially were. I've seen a LOT of posts saying like "oh you should stop wishing for your fav to get the throne, no one will get the throne and no one is 'in the right' (especially in the fire and blood discourse), no one 'deserves' it, the throne will crush and burn, the show has done so much damage to the fandom pitting favs against each other for the throne" etc etc, but that's so funny to me because what they say will happen in the books is literally what happened in the show, at least roughly, and their vibe was the vibe of a huge part, if not the majority, of the show fandom. This super annoying nihilism that I see in (book) BNF right now is the exact.same.nihilism I remember from the show fandom. The exact same one, but with a faux-feminist rosey Stansa touch. That's it. From the "Your heros will not get the throne, losers, Littlefinger will kill them all and prevail, the end" show-only dudebro rationale we went to the "oh nobody can fix Westeros, Dany and Jon will sacrifice themselves (best case, worst case Dany will get all psycho like her daddy and bros), monarchy Targs BAD, Targ feudal system BAD, fuck the Targ lords, team small folk, only coincidentally my fav bbgrl Sansa will actually end up in a conventional and strictly feudal position of power uwu, the end". The common denominator? Nihilism and this obsession for subverting expectations. This parallel is even funnier with hotd, where the show's most non-sensical, straight up delulu plot points are whole-heartedly embraced by, again, a big and very loud part of the BNF (probably the majority). This time the concordance is direct and not even denied, and it's embarrassing when I see their half-ass attempts at criticizing the show, because they literally can't. They actually love it and it's so obvious.

So to get to your point, there are two possibilities here: either the show's nihilistic, faux-edgy, shock value-based direction irrevocably transformed the book fandom, or the book fandom was already in that mindset and the show was based on that and it could very well be the latter.

#anonymous #asoiaf #daenerys targaryen #jon snow #aspa rambles

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scr33ch1ng · 2 months

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So,

There really is nothing on system littles. And what I mean is, despite how long I've been searching I can't find much that helps us actually raise a child. System hosts will mention it, sure, or they'll have a specific alter who is great with kids. But we don't have any of that, and I bet other systems are struggling with this too. So, I'm compiling what I've learned in the past year or so and sharing it as an attempt to help.

This is written from my experiences with my little brother, a traumatized headmate around 10 years old. This might not apply to everyone.

Traumatized children require constant reassurance. They might be easily scared or startled by anything, and hold irrational beliefs that everything will hurt them (me too buddy). They can be the most vulnerable and emotional part of a system. This makes them really important, and in a unique position. They DEMAND attention. Even if they are quiet, if they are dissatisfied, it will come back and bite you in the ass. They require patience and special consideration.

You have to make your child headmate feel safe and comfortable. This is easier said than done. It's a lot more complicated than simply buying some toys and watching cartoons. Children have emotional needs, we all do. They need to feel love and feel like they are part of a family. This is why communication is very important. Communication is different with every system, and we communicate via a variety of writings, pinterest boards, dreams, co-fronting, and more direct but vague ways of throwing emotions at each other, and asking questions and receiving a vague response. This is all to say that even if you literally can't hold a conversation, there is many ways to talk to each other.

In order to meet your littles needs you have to know them first. You can assume the basics, yes, but that will only get you so far. Children also aren't known for their excellent communication skills, so this is a process. My little benefits from a pacifier, which was easy to figure out. But it took longer to realize he also wants his own clothing, and he refuses to wear black because it's a color that is worn too frequently by other alters, and he needs to feel like his own person. This might be a bit ridiculous. A color is just a color, right? No one is going to die by wearing black. But to him it is very important, and he will be distressed if he is not wearing clothes comfortable to him.

And the way our system works is it's easy to feel another alter's distress, so there is no point in wigging a systemmate out for no reason. You want to work together to reduce stress. It makes an easier time for everybody.

Anyways. You will have to make compromises. You make compromises just by being a system. I adjusted our living space to be more "child friendly". I removed the animal bones we had on display. I don't buy decor that my child alter would find scary, even if it's a horror movie character I like, even if I think it's not that bad. If you can make your little feel comfortable even by one percent, it's worth it. I adjusted our room to feel more cheerful. I have a shelf of easily accessible toys. I decorated our house more with cute things. Fridge magnets, goodwill figurines, a printed photo of a puppy, anything to make your syskid feel like this is also their space will help .

This is all I have for today. Thanks for reading!

#syskid #little alters #child alter #actually plural #dissociative identity disorder #osdid #actually dissociative #if you!! have any information or comments or anything lmk. but be normal please.

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eternaleclips3 · 3 months

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can someone like explain to me why I like media and I can't explain why I really like it I just really fucking do. like I've been obsessed with ace attorney for 4 years and I literally don't know why. yet I do at the same time. it was the first game I got obsessed with for some reason I love Edgeworth i love the i love the story and the characters gameplay I love the ridiculousness I love the complexity. and in a sense I think its a masterpiece. yet I know most people look past it and don't think much of it or are just like eh its a good game or they like it and move on with it. but not for me. this shit has made itself a home in my head and refuses to get out. why have I made such a strong connection with this media and not any of the other games, movies, or shows that I think are even better than it? is it the nostalgia of it being the first thing I've ever fixated on or like what?? LIKE I GET WHY BUT LIKE ITS NOT A GOOD ENOUGH EXPLANATION. genuinely in my head I think their things incredible more masterful and interesting that I've watched or played (sorry ace attorney) but just why is it still roaming around my head like an actual is there like psychology behind this?? why do we love the things that we do??? yk????

#obsession #favorite games #video games #media #ace attorney #phoenix wright #miles edgeworth

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extraaa-30 · 3 months

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PJO & Palestine pt. 2

This is going to unpack some bullshit I've seen about Rick Riordan. For pt. 1 about why "boycotting Disney" is not actually the thing you need to be doing right now, go here.

Imma try to keep it brief this time <3

In addition to the misleading info about Disney as a boycott target, I've seen some ridiculously facile takes about boycotting the show because of Rick Riordan.

As far as I can tell, the drama stems mostly from this blog post, where he shares his (fairly tepid but still principled) view of Palestine and Israel.

Here are some key takeaways:

The blog post is from Oct 17, 2023. Only ten days into the genocide, and with plenty of attention still lingering on Oct 7 worldwide. As far as I know, he hasn't shared any updated reactions

Should he? Maybe. Here's what he has to say about it in the blog post:

He goes on to talk about having readers in both Israel & Palestine:

Maybe you think he should pick a side. Maybe you're sick of both-sideism and if you see one more media take equating Israeli grief to Palestinian grief during a motherfucking genocide you will launch yourself into the sun. Rick goes on:

I don't know what you were expecting from a children's author whose overarching theme is, "You might think you know who the monsters are, but be careful; black-and-white thinking like that reduces us all."

[SPOILERS for non book readers] In PJO, Percy ultimately agrees with Luke that the system is unjust and can't remain as it is. Luke's willingness to sacrifice the lives of their friends is the thing he can't support.

The series deeply explores questions of monsters vs. victims, how our circumstances shape us, institutional injustice...

I get the anger when people, especially celebrities and the media, use calls for nuance to avoid taking a stand. I don't think it's accurate to say that's what's happening here.

I said I'd keep this short and I've obviously failed, so let's get to the most damning part of Rick's blog post:

This is what has people calling him a Zionist. And do I kinda hate it? Yeah, I do. That line "security and support" is propaganda that Israel has spent 75+ years feeding into the global media machine. I also hate that the overwhelmingly pathetic response of most public figures has conditioned me to be impressed by breadcrumbs like 'Palestine should also be secure and supported and free.'

So there you have it. Rick's opinions from 10 days into what has become a 100+ day genocide.

Maybe this all sounds unforgivably centrist to you, and that's your right. You don't have to engage with his stories. Approaching content with an eye to the author's real positions and attitudes is a healthy way to interpret media critically.

However, I'd really like people to remember two things:

This is not a JKR situation. Watching the show does not give money to someone who actively uses their platform to spread hate.

If this is about your own media purity, I have bad news for you. Literally none of your faves are perfect, and neither are you. Trying to only interact with un-cancellable media is futile, discourse-killing, and self-absorbed at a time when there are more important things we should be doing.

Ultimately, the choice of whether to engage with content from someone whose views you don't agree with is your own. You get to decide where to draw that line.

I, personally, can respect a lot of what Rick says here. He's a children's author using his platform to speak to children. He has his eye on the long game. He still emphatically argues for a free Palestine.

There have been other betrayals from other artists that I couldn't tolerate. It's a personal choice.

So please, stop shaming people for watching this silly little show. Stop trying to police how others engage with media that isn't hurting anyone.

There's work to be done.

#and bickering with strangers online or cultivating a perfect media diet aint it #pjo #pjo tv show #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo series #rick riordan #palestine #free palestine #pjotv #if you're gonna rest by talking fandom on the hellsite then rest #we need all the energy we can #stop wasting it with petty bullshit #literally there is not enough time #also zionists feel free to interact. i look forward to blocking you.#extraaa

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fandomshatefatpeople · 15 days

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I've been fat my whole life. Ever since I was a kid. And ever since I was a kid I've been mocked, bullied, ridiculed, insulted and even physically assaulted for being fat. To the point I ended up with an eating disorder and lost a lost of weight. Way too fast. In a way that wasn't healthy at all. But I still wasn't happy. Because I couldn't recognize myself anymore. And I felt like i was just doing this for other people. But it's just so hard for me to accept my body. It just feels like I'll never be happy with it no matter what

I'm so sorry we haven't answered this. I know that this is a triggering ask so I'm gonna add all the tags i possibly can followers.

I'm actually a lot like you Nonny. I was a chubby kid, then got my period at 10 because I was so fat. I had an eating disorder by 14 and while it didn't last long (the bulimia at least) I kinda got comfortable in my skin even though I slowly crawled back up to my previous weight I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. So the meds they put me on made me gain weight (50 pounds in 6 months). There after I did yoyo dieting and exercising flirted with bulimia again but it didn't work this time.

I'm not telling you this to trauma dump. I want you to consider my age and experience. I'm in my early forties. And its like... part of the reason I wasn't happy with my body was because I grew up with magazines and tv and movies constantly showing me thin ppl.

i don't think I stopped yoyo dieting until the cycle of yoyp dieting made me hit 250 lbs (I'm only 5'2) by then i was like 28/30ish. And like I think what changed was that I was watching media with like Donna from Parks and Rec, Shirley Bennet from Community. And they were never made to feel ugly for being fat. It was eye opening. (spoiler alert even though I'm not black Ugly betty was like more of the same thin ppl are the only that matter).

I don't think I really got comfortable in my skin until I joined pinterest about 7 or 8 years ago and got fed a steady stream of fat people in cute outfits.

Its still hard to find fat representation though. And I started looking into romance novels with chubby and fat protagonists about 5 years ago. Most notably the Brown sisters trilogy. They're all overweight and they all have these handsome men falling head over heels with them.

But like its one thing to admire people on pinterest with cute outfits. its a complete other thing to actually shop for yourself and give yourself permission to buy cute clothes.

One strange thing that happened about 3 years ago was that I gained like 40 pounds and all of my boring clothes didn't fit me anymore.

So this time shopped on lane bryant for cute dresses and jeans. and torrid, and hot topic. I started playing with makeup. (before I had like a uniform of jeans).

I'm not gonna lie people will *always* praise you for losing weight even if its because you're literally sick with an eating disorder or having health problems. (a friend of mine who did belly dancing lost like 30 pounds like really fast because all of the sudden she couldn't process meat anymore everyone fawned over her weight loss). she was literally starving and people wouldn't stop cooing over her skinniness.

I don't know what to think about society at large and their obsession with thinness. I've tried telling my family that I no longer want to keep clothes from when I was 250ish and they're all like "oh don't worry you'll lose the weight!!!"

I'm like bitch please. But its exhausting having people encourage you to lose weight. If you want you can message us off anon!!!

*hugs*

mod laina

#eating disorders #disordered eating #fatphobia tw #diet culture #bulimia mention

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