#lol so im like ''wow he really would hate me that fucking much if i was honest with him huh''

[thatdeadaquarius]

sagau with the language barrier issue except... the creator is sick and tired of trying to ask for things so they do everything themself.

and it gives their followers mass anxiety bc they can't even ask what you're doing... bc they know they won't understand anything...

SUCH A GENIUS NARVI 10/10 GOOD WORK SORRY IM SUPER LATE BUT THIS IS *chefs kiss*

Like, that's literally how I feel like I first played Genshin LMAO

Also this has a cont. Part 2 at the bottom bc tumblr fucking hates me UPDATE I FIXED IT THANK FUCK

Paimon was like "and then we go to Mondstadt- ! NO, not Wolvendom, to Mondstadt! NOT THE THOUSAND WIND TEMPLE WITH ENEMIES OUT OF UR LEAGUE, ENTER MONDSTADT FOR THE FIRST TIME BEFORE U EXPLORE THE REST OF THE MAP!! >:("

SO MANY IDEAS YET SO LITTLE WRITING SKILL GUYS HELP-

Also warning this is ROUGH in terms of spelling and editing and im so sorry abt that! I have my art show today so you're welcome to come back if you want to see it a little more readable tomorrow lmao

Edit Update 4/6/23:

Revised and fixed all the bad spelling and grammar (hopefully) so make sure to give another read if you havent read the cleaned up version lol

I dont have a beta reader so its just me trying my best ok-

Everything was like kinda chaos tbh at first

WOW- MY FIRST 1,000+ NOTES POST??!?! U GUYS, WHAT ARE R YOU DOIN??!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! IM GLAD U GUYS ENJOYED IT SM!! Also look out for more encoded stuff in the future since i mentioned wanting to continue stuff like this + ARG stuff :) <3

Edit 9/7/23: 2,000+ NOTES?? THANK YOU???

Like u wake up under the Irminsul, and u think ur hallucinating a goddamn gacha game for like a solid 5 minutes, or ur lucid dreaming, 

but once u actually took what felt like hours to process that u might actually be in fucking Genshin Impact-

Nahida came running from, somewhere?? Its kinda just very floaty dreamy in here so, unclear, she’s beaming with a giddy little smile (💘)

It’s… so much more than what her game model could manage.

I mean, you knew that, of course you did, but- to see the tiny goddess smiling in person, her cute chubby arms waving in the air, her cheeks all plump with baby fat from her excited smile, pretty green eyes that sparkle only in the way excited toddlers do-

It was just…wow. 🥺

You can’t help it, her sheer carefree excitement, exactly like a child but you know that she must be really overwhelmed with joy if shes letting herself act like that so blatantly, you feel ur muscles tug gently into a smile, you try to muffle it but ur happiness leaks out anyway

She's panting as she stumbles on short chubby legs to reach you.

After just staring at you with those big green clover eyes for a few seconds, she physically shakes her head to knock herself out of it,

Nahida places her hand over her heart, and bows elegantly, going back to looking at you with a small but bright smile, her voice is kind of quiet, muffled in a soft way, much like her game depiction,

“Hzozn! R'ev yvvm dzrgrmt gl nvvg blf! R wrwm'g gsrmp blf dlfow wvhxvmw fmgro R dzh zg ovzhg z uvd gslfhzmw bvzih low!” *

…Nahida begins to look a little concerned… her eyes get impossibly bigger.

…Oh no.

♧

Nahida had apparently quickly spread the news that you can’t understand them, but luckily it seems like all the characters still know you!

Alhaitham is pretty much a constant by your side, you knew he was vaguely studying linguistics in the akademiya… but that knowledge still didn’t prepare you to be intensely stared at with his diamond pupils for hours. 💀

Then he’d tap your shoulder or something, and you quickly picked up that he wanted you to just try and say something.

Then he would scribble for hours.

Turns out they can understand you about as much as you understand Teyvat language (s? You can’t even tell if there are multiple languages, that’s how unrecognizable this language is, damn)

The more extroverted or friendly people, like Venti, Yoimiya, Kazuha, Jean, Noelle, Amber, Xingqiu, Hu Tao, Zhongli, Ganyu, Barbara, Beidou, Collei, Ayaka, Gorou, Nilou

At least attempt to talk to you, and try very hard to watch what you gesture with your hands or body language

They're pretty much ready to play charades at all times for you lol

Interestingly enough, they only ever understood you when you typed in the chat (with other ppl)

But even then not immediately, 

Sumeru scholars basically had to make a whole new department (regardless of how much you play with others) to decipher your ancient language (to them) like those old clay tablets with cuneiform we’re still translating?

Like that, your words appear in elemental magic heavy places (so like that abyss lang. It’ll appear on walls or structures, so like Andrius’ stone colosseum? in Wolvendom gained some of your chat replies inscribed and glowing a rainbow of colors on the top edges of the walls)

Much like the abyss language you see throughout genshin, most Teyvat scholars (across nations/internationally) agreed your language is the oldest form of language known!

It’s like modern languages having roots in older ones, like English with Latin, greek, or German roots, or Sanskrit and the Prakrit for Hindi language today

…so of course no one really speaks the root languages anymore, because they’re so old, so those ancestors who spoke those languages would have little to no understanding of their modern counterparts…

◇

Occasionally if you turned your mic on for whatever reason there would be a gentle whisper on the winds in Mondstadt of your voice,

or your laugh in the waves washing ashore in Inazuma and Fontaine,

your startled noises or screams from battling bosses mixed with the landslides in the mountains of Liyue

So they know what you sound like, but that doesn’t mean they understood your language :/

Nahida had been hoping that you’re actual physical form being here would help improve the language barrier

But unfortunately, those things remained the same, but at least you were physically here to talk to now and give more content for the scholars to study rather than them having to make do with your snippets of language from chats

…so needless to say, it took you a long time to realize they viewed you as a god of sorts.

You kind of knew something was up when at least two allogenes were by your sides at all times, or eremites would replace them if they really couldn’t stick around

You figured they knew you weren’t nearly as combatant-ready as they were at all times, hell you obviously didn’t have a vision hanging off you somewhere, and you only really had a knife strapped to a belt, courtesy of the Thirty Corps

You are still kind of convinced that the people of Teyvat, or Sumeru at least, are just pretty polite (and in the allogenes case, very kind or friendly, even people like Alhaitham or Cyno, resting bitch faces they have, seem to soften a little when they’re walking around with you… maybe you’re just imagining it…)

And as much as you would love to wait until they understand you to do something more fun, as you can see the frustration on Tighnari’s face (and his ears try to flatten back hehe) as he looked like he was debating heatedly with some of the Sumeru sages who insist you stay in the city

…so why not go?

It’s not like they’re going to get it anytime soon, and it’s still too frustrating for yourself to charade things or draw things for them because you can’t even hear their guesses 💀

You can totally handle being like the traveler too, 

You still have access to your inventory afterall! Plus, lucky for you, you still find a pass for the Serenitea Pot in your little pocket dimension!

So now you have somewhere to sleep at night, and while most of your stuff went to the traveler’s pack, the things like Primogems

(which.. Okay now you really want primogems bc theyre so pretty and shiny irl)✨️

And other high-level things, or just objects of no use for the traveler (so basically all your hoarded level up stuff and infinite amount of weapons lol) came along with you

So you did have to wander the first week or so around the city and even commission the Adventurer’s Guild to grab you food supplies to cook with

Filling up, along with a few big waterskins, you’re off!

...and everyone collectively has a heart attack!

◇

When you show up in Ghandaraville essentially all “✨️💖☺️✨️” on Tighnari’s doorstep-

He chokes on the tea he’d been sipping on before he opened the door lol

He looks a little frazzled so you try to just gesture with “calm yourself small animal” energy with your hands

“Tivzgvhg Oliw! R'n- R- sld wrw blf-?! Mvevinrmw, xlnv rm, xlnv rm, ivhg! ...R mvvw gl hvmw z nroorlm ovggvih mld gl ylgs gsv vmgriv xrgb lu Hfnvif, gsv Zxgrmt Tizmw Hztv, zmw gsv Nzgiz nlhg orpvob…” he began out looking at you and talking and gesturing to his small dining table (the game sucks, his house looks great and has lots of cool rooms filled with interesting plants… oooo…so pretty...) 

But then he kinda just devolved into rambling, no need to understand, you can read the vibes and just know that's what he's doing lol

Collei eventually ducks in, and she looks a little panicked?

She’s quickly followed by Cyno, pushing past her to call out into the house,

His voice seems hard and stressed, looking at Tighnari, “Grtsmzir, szev blf hvvm gsv Tivzgvhg Oliw zmbdsviv, gsvb dviv hvvm xlnrmt gl Tszmwziezeroov ozhg-” 

Cyno stops and blinks.

Collei’s mouth is slightly dropped open, she also just, blinks.

You blink. 

Tighnari blinks tiredly, he looks like he’d rather be done for the day, you think.

The doctor sighs, and moves his head to nod towards the other dining seats.

◇

Sumeru foods are so much better looking in real life, and they’re so good too, your practically bloated by the end of dinner, 

As a thank you, bc u cant say it obv, you just gesture for Tighnari to stay sitting, and he gives you a raised eyebrow and a suspicious ear twitch

But stays still, and you reach out to finally hit the eight-pointed star hovering over his, and all playable characters chests at all times.

Like you suspected, it brings up a holographic character menu, but rather than his full model, it kind of hovers in front of Tighnari’s face, replacing his old 3D model self with framing the real thing for a portrait just in front of his face

The poor Denro user nearly jumps a foot out of his chair as he looks in shock at your screen, you do the same “chillll boy” gesture with your hands and press his shoulders for a second to remind him to not run off or panic

Cyno and Collei had done the dishes and put up leftovers, and are now standing behind Tighnari, watching with equally wide eyes,

“...Dszg ziv gsvb wlrmt gl blf?

Cyno’s voice is even deeper and quieter than usual, you feel goosebumps run up your spine

“Ziv blf tvggrmt yovhhvw, Nzhgvi Grtsmzir?!” Collei’s sweet voice is also hushed like she’s witnessing something sacred, Tighnari gently shakes his head negatively in response, his shoulders shrugging,

“Nzbyv? R uvvo... z orggov hgilmtvi, zmw nb Erhrlm rh zxgrmt fk zh dvoo…”

Though he’s replying, Tighnari’s eyes haven’t once left your ancient magic? technology device? hovering in front of him,

and as he crosses his arms and squints to try and look closer at everything floating in front of him, you can see the childlike gleam of awe in his green eyes, (so cute) in fact, now that you glance up and look, both Collei and Cyno have the same quietly excited and fascinated sparkle in their eyes too

With a displeased sneer, you chuck his old level one bow into the material grinding spots, hope he wasn’t attached to that…

Oh well, he’ll like the new one better, afterall, with no characters, all your best weapons and artifacts are ready to use!

With a small smile of reassurance, you finally finish gearing Tighnari up, tap a miniature version of that 8-point star in the corner like an “X” button, and it retreats like a classic TV set📺 turning off into his chest, he startles but then carefully stands

You decide to just start making decisions bc its worked out so far ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And grab his hand and haul him out into the forest, Collei letting out a surprised squeak, her and Cyno hurrying after

You reach the nearest clearing, and gesture at Tighnari like a bow and arrow firing, he gets it, and your glad he already trusts you, because he doesn’t take long to summon his bow

He takes aim at a smaller tree about two cars length away

You can feel them all holding their breathe, as Tighnari charges it with Dendro, the arrowhead glowing, (it looks so cool and badass irl god you feel envious even tho ur already here-)

The ranger lets it fly, it streaks neon green, whistling through the air, it hits the tree-

and it fucking explodes.

Vines and leaves and the trees roots all rapidly swell like theyre filled with water, like it literally got hit by a superhero with plant powers, which, not that far off actually.

The green floating Dendro seeds make a ring around the tree its so full of elemental energy-

You give a wild grin, you still got it, hell yeah. >:)

Your grin widens as you look over at Tighnari, Collei, and Cyno

Cyno has a smirk lighting up his face, eyes eager, Collei’s jaw has dropped and she’s just frozen staring as the tree finally settles from the burst of the dendro powered arrow

…Tighnari has lowered his bow, and his mouth is only slightly open, his ears perked straight up into the air, shaking with excitement? Happiness? Interest? You don’t know how peopl-animal-hybrid ears work,

and you STILL cant talk to any of them to ask what they thought, so looks will have to do >:/

Tighnari is the first to move, his head snapping over to look at you, the brightest, kinda feral tbh, smile taking over his face-

“Blf pmld, dv xzm'g fmwvihgzmw blf, zmw blf fh, bvg R xzm'g dzrg gl hvv dszg rm gsv dliow blf'iv tlrmt gl wl mvcg. Blf'iv znzarmt."

… and you just 🙂? Cool!

And give a thumbs up👍LMAO

☆

Bonus:

Alhaitham was literally running around Sumeru City trying to find you when you left, tho you did try and leave a translatable-in-3-to-5-business days-note, he didn’t have time to translate that because you were gone.

Or worse, lost in the city, and he would never forgive himself if he lost you, esp as Acting Grand Sage-

Kaveh got a letter a day and a half later from Tighnari letting them know you were having a sleepover in Ghandarvaville lol

Kaveh also had to hunt down Alhaitham to give him said news, then force his roommate to go sit or lay down for the rest of the day to recover lmao

(Haitham honestly kinda freaked Kaveh out bc he’s never seen him that... desperate, it was like seeing a statue emote lol)

♡

ARE YOU KIDDING WE ALMOST HIT LIMIT AGAIN?!

Bro has anyone else had this problem???

I literally had to switch from PC to mobile and copy and paste it there to get all my shit in and tumblr not throw a hissy fit???!!!

FUCKING TUMBLR- SUCK MY BIG FAT- 👹👹 UGH

ANYWAYYYY SO I FINALLY CAVED 

And started doing ciphers for when you dont get teyvat’s language! I meant to do something fun like this for awhile but I wasn’t sure if that would be kind of annoying, but if you’re interested in learning what they actually say (which the whole point of this is that dw it doesnt rlly matter lol) here’s a hint:

*hint = Atbash

:> good luck!

Wish me luck on my art exhibition today!! Then I’ll be homefreeeee 😭

Safe Travels,

💀♒

♡ the beloveds ♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

#fucking tumblr #ok its official we got beef #welp .-. watch out if i ever need to post a fic or smth Ill just link my ao3 #on the masterpost pinned most likely #sorry btw this got AWAY from me 😭 #like idk? if i even?? answered ur question??? #genshin impact #genshin sagau #ask box open #sagau #my asks #genshin imagines #gender neutral reader #genshin isekai #genshin impact self aware #genshin impact sagau #genshin sagau language barrier au #genshin language barrier au #i should proobbaabbllyyy start tagging that huh #ugh i dont wanna go back to all my old asks/posts and tag it tho 😫 #cipher encoded #encoded #language cipher

[puzzled-pegasus]

Heroes of Olympus---fitness/body related hcs

***Idk if anyone would even plan on it but Please do not comment or tag this as anything sexual as it is not meant like that in any way whatsoever***

Percy

Everyone lost some weight on the big Argo II voyage due to stress and all the fighting and everything, Percy is no exception. 

In general, though, he is still leaner than Jason and has slightly less upper body/ pectoral strength than he does.

However, he has THE fucking core strength ever

Unless he's been really, really exerting himself he normally has a cushion of belly fat over his abs but if you feel his abs they're wow so strong

Also bunch of shoulder strength, he does lots of climbing

He honestly needs some squish especially in scenes set After Gaea’s defeat. One of the reasons im writing these hcs is that I hate the fanarts that give the demigods six or eight pack abs and 0 body fat like?? Have u ever seen a 16-17 year old boy with chiseled abs. Especially one that eats like mr Jackson. His mother is feeding him good on seven layer dip and cheeseburgers and cookies and blue candy and he drinks blue cherry Coke and eats his fill of barbecue every day at camp you Cannot tell me he has no body fat arrgggh

He probably looked like that while he was in Tartarus though bc he was probably really dehydrated and exhausted lmaoo

V good sense of balance and coordination

Jason

Jason’s got more strength in his arms/shoulders/upper body than anything else

Big arm and chest muscles

Also naturally has belly--when he's not worried abt food--but he tends to stand taller so you can't see it as much

Probably lost the most weight on the voyage. Too busy making sure everyone else was okay and also healing from his various injuries. He also had to be absolutely sure there was enough food for everyone else so he was worried abt taking too much

Generally spends more time exercising and has hardly ever seen a junk food in his life and eats a lot of protein bc hes always lived at camp jupiter so he's very muscle

Piper

Piper didn't really start exercising until she came to camp so she's probably the least physically strong in comparison

More squish than Annabeth. Carries fat in hips and thighs and belly

Thinks/feels like she's fat and low key worries abt it

Was only mildly disappointed when she started demigod training and her belly didn't instantly disappear lol

Kind of jealous of how Annabeth is so thin and athletic but Annabeth wishes she had Pipers thighs/boob/curves loll the curse of being a woman

Piper also feels like she has baby face compared to Annabeth bc she has chubbier cheeks and it annoys her

She's got a pretty good sense of balance tho

Pretty good at running fast but she doesn't have as much stamina as Annabeth

Shes quite flexible also

Pretty good swimmer

Annabeth

Naturally quite thin

been training her whole life so she's got strong arms and legs and core

Really good at running and sprinting

Very agile too

Core strength and upper body strength 

Great at dodging attacks, less good at blocking

Tallest of the girlies

Climber shoulders/back muscles

Wishes she had Piper’s curves kinda. She doesn't care all that much but occasionally is like damn wouldn't that be nice

Frank

Arrgh I hate how in the middle of the series Rick took away all of his fat. Screw you sir. Put it back. Put it bacK

So Frank Immediately gets his tum back in the span of a few weeks

He's also really tired for the next however long after the Mars boy magic adrenaline wears off bc where's his fuel??? Gone!!

Very good at Lifting stuff. He had to carry stuffs for his grandma all the time bc she was old

Mostly strong in the arms and chest/pectorals

His growth spurt happened real quick so he's still not used to how big he is which is why he's all clumsy

Needs to work on balance and coordination lol

Although he got most of his chub back, his Babyface™ didn't come back quite so strong

Hazel

Hazel is the shortest girlie

Was really thin back in the 40s and then gained quite a bit soon after she came back to life. She was very confused and probably horrified

This was bc of a combination of having a growth spurt, pressure on little girls to be thin back then and the times having changed now, having enough to eat now, and changes in the amounts of additives and high fructose corn syrup and shit in foods

She was really distraught for a while bc much like Nico’s internal conflict with The Gay, decades ago being chubby was an unforgivable sin for a little girl

Obv not to Nico’s extent bc I don't think people were killed for being fat but still

It takes her a while to see it as not a bad thing but just a thing

She has pretty evenly distributed muscle strength because when she started exercise at camp jupiter they worked All The Groups

Leo

We love our tiny little shrimp man

He didn't get enough to eat during his growth spurt so he's kind of stunted

Even though he's a hephaestus boy he could not for the life of him build a lot of muscle

He's not that strong

He's probably pretty flexible though

Nico

Also stunted because he didn't eat enough in his growth spurt

Pretty strong though

Smol but he is still growing

Is getting taller and will almost definitely surpass Leo

Also is slowly gaining a healthy amount of weight as he stays at camp and Will makes him eat and sleep more regularly and now he's less tired all the time

Pretty good core strength and balance and agility

Looks more his child age now that his cheeks are more filled in

Reyna

Buff Girl

Girlie works out when shes stressed and now she's got muscles like steel cables

Im talking arms, shoulders, core, legs, glutes

Can arm wrestle Jason and win even if he does try his darnedest

Incredible sprinter

Does so many squats that she got the whole bakery lol

Really likes her muscles

Flexes in the mirror

Jason expressed to her how impressive it was a few times and it was partially why she fell in love with him lol

Will

Will has pretty good arm muscles actually and can lift heavy stuffs

Can lift his bf easily

He has a soft tum tho and padding on his arms

Does yoga and stretching and that works his core

Soft

Eats good proteins and veggies and gets good sleeps

Healthy boi 10/10

#heroes of olympus #hoo #the seven demigods #heroes of olympus headcanon #hoo headcanon #body neutrality #body posititivity #fitness #health #tw food mention #percy jackson #jason grace #piper mclean #annabeth chase #frank zhang #hazel levesque #leo valdez #nico di angelo #reyna avila ramirez arellano #will solace

[thecapricunt1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 2

♡ Summary: Carmy & Syd go horseback riding!!! Carmy's therapy friends push him to go for what he wants, his 'light at the end of the tunnel'

♡ W/C: 6,534

♡ Posted Date: 04/07/2024

♡ A/N: Hayoooo!!! I am too inspired... this has become a multi-chap fic hahaha I am havin' so much fun here!! Thank you @gingergofastboatsmojito for inspiring me to keep going!!! ILY! As per usual please know - this fic was inspired by THIS FIC here - Tucson by the GLORIOUS GINGER!!!! Go read that before you even THINK about reading this fic ok?! I love how I hate storer for the same reasons but im a sucker for writing a slowburn - I find myself screaming at MYSELF internally "make them kiss already!!!!" but they will KISSSS SHORTLY SO SHORTLY MY DEARSSSS !!! It will be a JUICY TAYLOR SWIFT DAYLIGHT ASS KISS OK!!!! THEY WILL ONLY SEE EACHOTHER FROM THEN ON!!!! Its gonna be a 'and I can still see it all in my mind all of you all of me intertwined I USED TO THINK LOVE WOULD BE BLACK AND WHITE BUT ITS GOLDENNNNNNN. We need Carmy to realize a few more things but then - he will be hozier level devoted to this woman even more then he already is, I hope you enjoy!!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Not really any? Like? LOL - Swearing?! Smoking cigarettes?! They just went horseback riding & carmy went to therapy- oh Ig talks of carmy getting hard LMAO but thats as crazy as we get this chapter. ➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

Stardust nudges his shoulder so hard he almost falls over, and he turns to look at her. His heart jumped into his throat, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. She was there, she was really there. 

“Uh-” he blinked a few times, to be sure that she wouldn’t disappear. “Syd? Hey..uh-” he felt his entire body buzzing with excitement. He couldn’t help the smile that took over his features. She looked… gorgeous. Carmen wasn’t sure there actually was a word in any human language ever to exist that could describe just how wonderful she looked. 

Her hair was in its natural state, she was wearing an adorable corduroy jacket, black jeans, and white sneakers. “You came to a farm…in those?” he motions to her shoes. 

She laughs a bit “Wow- it’s great to see you too, Carm. Didn’t realize you were…actually like living on a farm” she approached him carefully. 

“Shit- yes- fuck- It’s its so good to see you, Syd, C’mere” he pulls her into a tight, long hug. The smell of her lavender vanilla perfume nearly made him melt. 

“You’re like…tan- and…muscley now” She laughs a bit, squeezing his arm lightly. 

“Uh..” he pulled away, cheeks bright red. “Yeah uh.. It's like- fuckin hard t’ride a horse. And the um…” he rubbed his neck nervously “The uh cows.. They eat hay? Most the time, and so we need to move the bales during the morning for em, they’re like…. 75? 80 pounds? So moving like 10 back and forth every day helps. And I dont really.. Go inside? Here? Its like… uh.. Thats the therapy mostly, the animals- at least f’me” he said sheepishly. 

She nodded, looking around the stable. “That one behind you is yours? Shes been side-eying me creepily since I started talking” she pointed to Stardust. 

“Oh! Fuck sorry yea, well- no…not- not mine- I got ‘er t’trust me. But uh, yeah this is Stardust. She’s a super sweet girl” He explained. Stardust leaned in, sniffing Syds hair carefully. 

“Cute- All you’re missing is a hat” She teased.

He chuckled a bit,  “Ok, c’mon - why are you here, Syd” He said with a small smile, crossing his arms over his chest.

She shrugged, looking at the ground and kicking a rock out of the way with her shoe. “Cause…I was worried- I dunno…” She definitely wasn't going to get bold and tell him that she’d missed him, terribly.

“Ok…well now that y’here, and y’see i’m okay…wanna have some fun?” He asked, a small smile on his lips.

Syd looked back up at him, as if he had 3 heads. “Okay- Where is Carmen Berzatto- Not his… Weird alien clone- Camren Brazota” she said, laughing a bit “what do you mean fun?” She asked, and Carmy laughed, real, and genuine. 

“Well- If I didn’t change my view a little I’d never leave. So, yes, Syd, ‘a little fun never hurt noone’ - per my therapist. Shes fuckin annoying. I much prefer the horses.” He pet Star’s mane and she leaned into his touch.

“Holy shit” Syd laughed a bit. “Wow- alright. I feel like you’re a whole new man already, what kind of fun?” she mused. 

“Ever ridden a horse?” he walked over to the saddle rack, pulling off a double seated one and hanging it over the back of the stall door. 

“No- Actually, Don’t I need um…like - stuff for it?” she asked. 

“Oh don’t think I wont give you the full experience” he opened the riding closet, “Whats your shoe size?” he asked, crouching down and looking through the pairs of extras. 

“8? Er- 9 probably 9” she said. He dug through them until he found a matching pair.

“These should do, y’stuff is cool here we can just leave it in her stall” he told her, holding out his arm for her to hold while she switched her shoes.

“You seem like…” she said as she slipped off her sneaker and put on the boot. “I dunno…chill- well- i wont go that far- but chill-er then before.” Carm snorted a laugh, holding on to her arm to steady her. 

“Thanks? I guess..that’s good right?” He asked. 

“Yeah! Yeah of course…I mean, it’s nice. To see you not so…anxious.” She said, slipping the other boot on. 

“Yeah I um…” he cleared his throat, opening the stall door. “I uh..I’m takin meds- Now? Uh..all this shit. Y’know they have me like tranquilized more then these guys” he said and she laughs, Carmen smiled proudly at the fact, relishing in the wonderful sound. 

“But yeah like Like 3 er..er 4. they say I had all this uh..mental shit. Goin’ on w’me and that’s why I was all…wound up I guess” he explained, calling Star out and getting her harness situated. 

Syd caught herself staring at his arms as he worked, how the toned muscle moved beneath the fabric of the shirt. 

“Aren’t you freezing?” She asked, noticing he wasn’t wearing a jacket like she was. 

“Used to it now, well- I mean the moving around. It gets hot this shit is heavy. Wanna try to hold the saddle?” He asked, unhooking the saddle from the stall door where he’d left it momentarily. 

“It can’t be that bad” she countered. 

“I think this thing weighs probably as much as you do.” He said “hold out your arms” he smiled a bit. 

She lifted her arms out in front of her and he plops the saddle down, she had to plant one of her feet forward so she didn’t fall face first due to the sudden weight and he laughed, catching the saddle quickly and baring most the weight. 

“Told you” he teased. 

She rolled her eyes “yeah whatever. Saddle up the horse, cowboy” she dropped the saddle back in his arms. He hurled the saddle over Stars back with a grunt. 

“Fuckin hell” he huffed, realizing since the saddle was nearly double the weight as his usual, and being on the shorter end- he couldn’t just get it on her when she was standing straight. “Bow” he told the horse and she just stared at Sydney. 

“Don’t embarrass me, Star. Bow” he told her and she looked the other way. 

“So uhhh…this one’s trained, huh?” Sydney teased. 

Carmen looked back at her “mmhmm maybe she doesn’t like strangers” he said, walking over to the other side. 

“Since she’s bein difficult y’gonna have T’help. C’mere” he waved her over and she followed. “So when I push it up, just grab the saddle pad and make sure it doesn’t move, yea?” He asked. 

“The fuck is a saddle pad, dude- I know my way around a kitchen not a fuckin horse stable.” She looked at the many different layers the horse was already wearing. 

“Alright. So this,” he lifted the cloth, “is her blanket. Keeps her core warm. And beneath it” he pats the pad “this is her saddle pad, it makes it more comfortable. So our bones aren’t like..diggin in her back and shit. Also shock, when she jumps the foam of it helps our weight disperse. The saddle is so big and heavy I can’t keep the pad still at the same time, so just hold it f’me,” he took her hand, guiding it to where he wanted her to hold. 

She felt her heartbeat quicken, his hands were so large and calloused on top of her own. She nodded wordlessly, keeping her eyes trained on where she was meant to be holding and focusing on keeping it steady as he went back around and carefully lifted up the heavy saddle with a grunt, laying it over the horses back. 

“Jesus- how much can this thing carry” Syd asked. 

“Well she is a mare, she weighs about…mmm- 1900? She can comfortably hold about 400 pounds for a decent distance but she can’t do that for hours and hours at a time. We together can’t be more then 300, and her gear is less then 100 pounds. Were just goin f’r a quick ride, I gotta get to therapy at 3” he explained as he buckled on her saddle. 

“Ah. So you’ve been memorizing horse information instead of creating recipes? I figured when I got here you’d have gone nuts by now without being in a kitchen so long” she gently touched the horses mane as she spoke. 

“Maybe. Well…I am kinda goin crazy? But I can’t…let it out?” He chuckled a bit “does that make sense? Nights are a little hard before my sleep meds kick in but that just says I haven’t done enough that day” he got up. “So y’gettin up first since I’m sittin in back” he explained. 

“Oh…uh- ok how do I?” She asked looking up at the at least 7 foot tall animal. 

“Y’not gonna be able to do it alone. C’mere” he told her. She comes over and looks at him. 

“How the fuck do you do this?” She looked up at the saddle that was at the top of her head before looking back at him. 

“So-“ he snorts a laugh at her wide confused expression. “She’s not gonna like you trying to roll up on her back, and I don’t want you t’get thrown off, she can be moody with new people. I almost broke my shoulder my first time trying to ride her” he said and she crossed her arms slightly. 

“So how. How do I get up there?” She asked. He pulled out a step stool, setting it next to the horse and getting up on the third step. 

“I’m giving you a lift. Arms up” he said with a playful smirk. 

“No- no way- Carmen that’s too high. You’ll drop me!!” She took a step back, feeling slightly nervous. 

“I won’t because I’ll bribe her Syd. C’mere” he pulled a pack of peep marshmallows out of his pocket and the horse nearly starts dancing. 

“Carm- what the fuck is happening?” She asked and Carmy chuckled. 

“Bow. Cmon Syd wants t’ride. Bow and you’ll get y’treat star.” He told the horse. 

It obediently bowed down and before Syd could process what was happening, Carm was scooping her up beneath her arms Syd squealed in surprise. “Oh my GOD WHY ARE YOU PICKING ME UP!” She shrieked, wiggling in his arms. 

“open y’legs! Cmon! she’s gonna get up!!!” Carmen laughed holding her up higher. Syd finally obeyed and he gently plopped her on the first saddle. “Good girl” he told the horse, feeding her the marshmallow and putting the packet in his pocket again before swiftly getting on behind Syd. 

“Alright. Hard part done.” He reached around her waist, and she lifted her arms slightly. 

“What- can you tell me what’s going on? I’m a horse virgin!” She said, and they both went quiet for a moment, before cracking up laughing. Syd leaned to her left slightly as she tried catching her breath, grabbing the rein for stability and tugging. 

Star took off sprinting, Syd screamed in surprise, her body going tight with fear. Carmen quickly wrapped his arms around Syds waist protectively, tugging on the reigns “WOOOOAH!” He called to Star and she quickly came to a stop. 

“Stand.” He told the horse firmly. 

“What the fuck Carm I thought she was trained!” Syd exclaimed, gripping onto his forearms for dear life. 

“I gotchu, you think I’d let her kick you off?” He tightened his arms around her. Carmen swore his heart was thumping so hard that she felt it on her shoulder blade. 

“Also when she moves it’s hard to keep still.” She said nervously. 

“Don’t worry, I gotchu, Syd. Lean into me, if our weight is centered then it’ll be easier for all 3 of us” he gently pushed at her stomach. 

She leaned back into his broad chest, “see” he said softly. He was lucky the angle didn’t allow for her to see him, because his face was bright red, And having her body pressed against his…was making him flush somewhere else too. 

He clicked his tongue and Stardust started walking again, at an easy comfortable trot. “This…is ok.” She said, much more comfortable now. 

“I’m gonna take you t’one of my favorite spots.” He said, pulling on the reins to the left lightly so she would follow the left trail. 

“Wow, already sharing secret spots huh? I think this therapist may just be Doctor of the year I don’t even think I’ve seen your favorite Chicago spots” she teased. 

Carm laughed a bit, he felt so much lighter with Syd around. And life had been lighter ever since he got here. 

“How is…uh- how is it back home?” He cleared his throat lightly. It was something that had being weighing on him. Yes, he was here, he was doing the thing. He was making Sugar happy. He was making Syd happy…but he would go back, at some point. 

And his biggest fear was things will just go right back. He won’t have this outlet, he won’t have sunset rides with Stardust to ease his mind. He won’t have the cows happily running up to him and greeting him when he was the first one to bring out a bale of hay. He felt like if he was here, he may have the confidence to tell Syd how he feels. But back home? It was another life. 

“Fine..things are..y’know. The usual shit. But nothing bad, no one’s getting locked in any freezers if that’s what you mean” she said playfully. 

Carm rolled his eyes with a light smile. “Mmhmm. So the restaurant is-“ 

“Is fine.” She said. “I’d have told you. You know that.” She said and he nodded a bit. 

“I know she scared you back there…but it’s pretty fun to go fast. You wanna try?” He asked. 

She shifted a bit uncomfortably, her hands tightening around his arms that were holding the reins around her waist. “Uhh…maybe? Are you sure we won’t fall off?” She questioned. 

“I’m sure. Here you can be the one to control it. Start light ok? With your legs.” He gently ran his hands down her thighs to right below her knees “here” he said softly, squeezing the flesh gently so she wouldn’t have to lean and look. “With that part of your legs, give her a little squeeze. But really light, or we’ll take out of here like a bat out of hell” he held around her waist again, securely holding the reins. 

“Mmhmm” she said, she was beginning to feel hot- and not because she’d done any hard work in regards to getting the horse ready. 

“Alright. Whenever you’re ready, you’re the boss” he said the last part softly in her ear. If it wasn’t for her jacket, he would see the goosebumps that had risen on her arms. She nodded quickly, staring straight ahead and trying to maintain her composure. 

“So I just?” She squeezed gently and the horse picks up her speed slightly. “Oh…ok” she said. 

“Told y’she was trained” Carmy teased and she rolls her eyes. 

“Mmm you’ve done a very good job, bribing this horse with peeps. The staff know you do this?” She asked. Carmy snorted a laugh

“No. But she’s healthy. Made sure. She only gets one or 2 if she doesn’t listen.” He admitted. 

She shook her head with a smile. “And how’d you find this out, Carm?” She leaned into him once more. 

“I…” he laughed a bit, his chest vibrating with the movement and it made her heart warm. 

“I uh…spent a few days in the library here. Reading up. After she threw me off. It’s all about trust with em. So I never lied to ‘er and I’ve never done something she didn’t expect because I always try to warn her.” He said, pulling her reigns a bit tighter. 

“This is like a joyride Syd cmon, I said fast not an evening stroll.” He teased. 

“Fine. Mister horse master- show me what Miss Stardust can do.” She said. 

With 2 kisses and a quick tap of his heel, they were off like a rocket. He held Syd steady, being sure she wouldn’t have to do most the work of holding herself center as he gripped each reign with the opposite hand, holding them taught so Star knew to keep going. 

Syd laughed, the wind flicking her dark curls all around. He wished she could see her amused expression. “Holy shit this is the best!” She shouted over the loud thuds of Stars hoofbeats. 

“I know right! Can you believe she can go faster?” He said, holding his knees taut around her hips to keep her from sliding. 

“Okay we are not! This is fine!” She said and sat up a bit “are we going into the-” She asks as Star begins to barrel through a creek, the freezing water spraying up and around them getting them slightly wet, the freezing water splashing from their calves up to their cheeks.. “CARMY!” She screams through laughter. 

He could barely catch his breath as he laughed so hard his stomach and ribs ached. “I’m sorry!! Syd! Oh god-“ he chuckled “woah girl- woah” he called to the course and she slowed down once again to a stop. 

“Fuck-“ Carmen chuckled “you okay?” He asked, picking a wet leaf from her jacket and throwing it to the forest floor. 

“Yeah- I’m.. I’m fine. That was really fun actually. C’mon I wanna see the spot” she said and took it upon herself to tug the reins so Star would take off again

“Shi-it!” He quickly finds his balance, “warn me!! Oh god I almost flew off!!” He told her. 

“You think I’d let her throw you off?” She mimics him from earlier and he takes the chance to playfully pinch her waist 

“Yes because who’s in back and who’s in front?” He wrapped his arms around her again, taking the reins from her grasp. “Your reign privileges have been revoked for this riding lesson, Ms.Adamu”  

She laughed a bit “I’ll earn them back. Don’t worry” she mused. 

“Mmm we need to talk about more shit before I just literally hand the reins over. Coulda spooked her and we’d be fuckin dead.” he angled the outside reigns so she’d slow down as they came to the clearing. 

“Here we are” he hopped off, raising his arms to help her down. 

She carefully reached out for him and he lifted her off, gently setting her down. “Holy fuck Carmy” she turned around, watching the waterfall cascade down over the rocks. 

“Right! Told you. It’s a fire spot” he went over to one of the rocks he usually sat at, plopping down and taking out a cigarette. “Oh- shit- can’t have y’running off” he told Stardust and chuckled, leaving the cigarette between his lips as he walked over to her, guiding her over to the tree, and hooking her right rein around a branch before sitting back down. 

“Yeah…I can’t remember the last time I went somewhere so…” she trailed off, looking at all the trees and running water. 

“Green?” Carmy lit his cigarette, taking a drag. “Not packed with smog? Somewhere that doesn’t smell like shit.” He said as he exhaled. 

“…yeah” she said and laughed a bit. “Yeah. Guess that’s it.” She came and sat next to him. “What did you mean about her getting scared?” She asked curiously. 

“Oh- a scared horse will fucking kill you. Not on purpose, but they’re big and pure muscle, and will do anything to get away from danger. I scared the shit out of her one time, that was it. Dislocated my shoulder 8th day here. Doing that hurts like a bitch by the way.” He rolled his shoulder gently. 

“How’d you manage that? God I knew you were shit at chatting up girls but she dislocated your shoulder?” She teased. 

He rolled his eyes with a playful smile, taking another drag. “Yes, I was fuckin around on the trail, dunno why- but there was this branch sticking out so I grabbed it, it snapped, she fuckin reeeared dude. I flew back so hard. My back might still be bruised I’m not sure. Still hurts a little to laugh” he said. 

“You better have seen a doctor” she said. 

“Ohhh silly Syd.” He sighed, a puff of smoke filling the air in front of him. “We aren’t allowed to refuse treatment here. If you get hurt, and you refuse to get help, it’s considered self harm, which leads to them believing you have suicidal ideation, which leads to you being locked in the actual nuthouse. So yes. I willingly went to the doctor daily for a week. And now, I’m being checked on once a week. So yeah. Oh and therapy daily. And every day I’m given my meds and someone checks over ‘pre-existing injuries’ which that is now considered. So yeah. I’m good. I’m fuckin fine as fine can be.” He said. 

“Awww poor little chef, being taken care of so well that’s so hard isn’t it?” She teased and he gives her a playful glare, but couldn’t help but crack a smile when he realized she was smiling too. 

“I was being taken care of fine at home by myself but you and my sister just had to ship me off after one tiny accident” he leaned back on his hand, taking another drag of his cigarette. 

“It stops becoming an accident when you didn’t care, Carm. You didn’t care. It didn’t phase you. You weren’t even…you weren’t even scared. Just because you didn’t do it on purpose doesn’t mean you did the sane thing which would have been doing everything you could to not let something like that happen.” She said, her tone suddenly serious. 

He looked down at his lap, swallowing thickly. He suddenly felt all of the armor he’d spent the last 31 days chipping at, slowly start to meld back together and shell him back in at the shame the whole situation was making him feel. 

“I have nightmares…you know. About it. What happened” she said quietly, and he could physically feel his heart ripping open. 

The only sound between them was the bubbling stream, and the sounds of their even breaths. 

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly, gaze fixed on his lap knowing he would burst into tears at the admission she’d been so deeply plagued by something he’d done, if he had looked at her.

“I know” was all she said, gently resting her hand on top of his. He felt the same fireworks exploding in his chest that he only ever felt when she was around. 

“Do you um…” he clears his throat and shook his head, embarrassed by the question plaguing his mind. “Never mind it’s..it’s stupid.” He removed his hand, putting his cigarette in it and resting the hand opposite of her on the rock. 

“That usually means it’s not stupid. What?” She coaxed, bumping his knee with hers gently. 

“It’s stupid” he said again, shrugging his shoulders. 

“It can’t be stupider then asking me what UPS means” She said playfully. He rolled his eyes, smiling and looking over at her. 

“And what if it is?” He questioned. 

“I would be..worried they’re giving you a bad concoction of meds that’s turning your glorious chef brain in to Swiss cheese” she teased 

He snorts a laugh. “I was gonna ask..if you wanted to cook..t’night. My cabin…it uh- has a kitchen? I haven’t cooked in a month. They give us food so I haven’t really bothered but…seeing you makes me miss it more, I guess” he blushed, looking back down at his lap. 

“Well obviously. Not gonna let you eat whatever bullshit they’ve been giving you while I’m around.” She said and he shook his head, meeting her gaze once more with a playful smirk. 

“Maybe you should check in. My therapist says it’s bad apparently to feel ‘responsible for others’ - says it’s a ‘subconscious self harming behavior’ “ he teased. 

She smiled a bit. “Okay- say I do. How about, I check in now, we shoot the shit for what- eleven more days- then, you go back home- and see how stressful it is in that restaurant when one of your hands is basically missing” she plucked the cigarette bud he’d forgotten about from between his fingers before it burnt him, flicking it into the creek. 

“You know that’s the first time I’ve seen you smoke- other then…me like checking on you when you were about to explode at work. But you’ve never…pulled one out and smoked it I guess” she said, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her cheek on her forearm as she looked at him. 

“Oh…” he said, pulling one of his legs up and resting his arm on it. “Didn’t realize you noticed” he said, brushing some dirt off his jeans. 

“I notice a lot of stupid shit about you, it’s kinda annoying honestly.” She said without thinking, her eyes widening when she realized and she looked the other way, resting her other cheek on her knee and squeezing her eyes shut. 

Why would you ever say that?! She asked herself internally. 

���Oh?” He said again, smiling a bit. “You do?” He questions, but that was as far as he’d push. 

“Mhm” was all she responded. Carmys phone started buzzing in his pocket and he pulled it out in case it was one of the ‘base keepers’ they called them. Carmy rather call them babysitters. He knew what they were for, being sure if they were out of sight too long they were making sure they could still get ahold of them. 

He sighed in relief when he saw it was just his 2:40 alarm. “Gotta go” he stood up, offering his hand to Syd. “Like- now. Or my ass is getting chewed out.” 

The ride back to the cabins was mostly silent. He had no stool this time, so he had to pick up Syd essentially by the ass and gently place her on Stars back so she didn’t get spooked. 

He was embarassed as fuck that the tiny action had the crotch region of his jeans tightening more then was casually explainable. Thank god no one was around to see him awkwardly hop in the way of his semi hard third leg down his left pant leg, grunting but covering it with a dry cough when she settled her ass back into him to ‘center their gravity’ 

Syd absolutely felt the firmness pressing into her ass. She thought it was a bit funny, but also brushed it off to the strange friction that came with riding a horse. She couldn’t allow herself to fully believe his teenage like excitement was due to her, or she’d go insane. 

Carmy dropped Syd off at his cabin, giving her the key and telling her he’d put up Stardust and be back by 5, she would be blushing if it weren’t for her mahogany complexion at the domesticity of it all - er what she could imagine domesticity with Carmy would feel like. 

Her panties were also soaked through from the feeling of his enormous length pressed into the curve of her ass - the entire way back - but she just chalked that up to not getting laid for a few months, and misreading his natural arousal for him being horny- she quickly pushed the thought down and just chalked it up to the horse. Because guys get hard when they ride horses…right? Right?!

Carmen arrived to therapy extremely frustrated, and extremely ready to talk. He sat down in his regular spot in the back, tapping his knee nervously and covering his crotch with his hands. Luckily, thinking about his mother was enough to make him soft nearly instantly so he had that to thank her for at least. 

“Alright guys!” Julienne, the usual Friday therapist came in, sitting in her spot in the circle. “Who is up today! We are-“ she looks at her iPad “oh! Yes this is another OP class, so- no pressure but, I wanna hear what’s goin on!” She crossed her legs. 

Julie was far from his favorite therapist, at Blue Lotus. But he wasn’t his least favorite. So he would still talk. He cleared his throat, raising his hand slightly. 

“Carmy?! What a treat! Okay what’s up” she grabbed her little stylus pencil. He bit the inside of his lip nervously. He despised how casual she tried to make this all feel. 

“Uh…so- my um…business partner, she came to see me. I guess I haven’t been…keeping touch? Enough? She just said she was worried…” he cleared his throat again, gaze fixed on his lap. “And uh…I’m startin’ t’-t’realize stuff?” He sniffled nervously, rubbing his mouth with slightly clammy, nervous hands. 

“She uh..” he chuckled a bit. “She…she just…showed up. Didn’t hear shit from ‘er. She probably knew that I’d uh…I’d tell ‘er no?” He finally meets the gaze of Julie. 

“Okay. You know guests are allowed right? Like- during the visiting hours, 6am to 11pm, no fraternizing between patients but-“ Carmen cuts her off

“We aren’t - no. Not fraternizing” He shook his head. “But uh…today? We were- we were sitting. This spot, near uh, Jupiter point? On the north side. And I had this- this urge T-to tell her…everything.” He shook his head, looking at the floor again. 

“So…you wanted to tell her you love her?” Jesse, one of the guys he’d had lunch with a few times piped up. 

“T’be honest, I don’t know.” Carmen said honestly, looking at him. 

“Well what does it feel like?” Jesse asked, sitting up a bit. 

“What? Like- what does what feel like?” Carmen asked curiously. 

“Her. Being with her. Talking to her? Inside. Like. Your chest. Your skin?” He questioned. 

“Uh…” Carmen sat back, swallowing thickly and crossing his arms over his chest. He thought for a moment. 

“Hot. I get hot. All over. My chest feels tight but - but good? Like- a hug almost. And then…when she…” he blushed, looking down with a shy smile. “When she touches me” he shook his head slightly. “When she touches me it’s like um.. fireworks? Like fireworks beneath my skin.” He chuckled a bit at how cheesy it sounded. 

“And you haven’t fucking nailed her?” Jessie asked plainly. 

Carmen furrowed his brows, glaring at him. “No” he clenched his jaw “I haven’t.” He snips. 

“Dude- you are- pussy whipped with no pussy?! You- you love her, Carmen. You love this chick. I feel like I’m looking in a weird straight mirror - the first time-“ he laughed a bit “the first time I kissed a guy- god. He was so hot. But I had no idea! I had no idea. I really thought that I was just-“ he shook his head “that I was just wanting to befriend him? Or something? But like- I wanted to fuck him. And when I did kiss him? Something unlocked in my brain dude. It was like…like a whole new world. I felt like I knew - I knew what love could feel like? Just ‘cause of that one kiss “ he shrugged. 

Carmen looked at him, arms crossed, trying to absorb everything he was saying even though every fiber of his former self was screaming to take it with nothing more than a grain of salt. 

“Kiss her dude. Kiss her.” Jesse said and sat back in his chair. 

“Well. Although, consensual sexual instances are against the code of conduct to discuss - I am very proud to see you two coming out of your shells. Has anyone else felt… confused in their romantic endeavors and would like to share?” Julie asked. 

Carmen crossed his arms tighter, looking down at his lap. This was quite unusual for him, he was one of the patients to only add what he had to to be credited during inpatient, and during outpatient - only spoke when he really and honestly had to. 

“Uh-“ the super tall girl, Shayna sits up. Carmen was never really sure why she was here. She looked…perfect by all means. Perfect skin, perfect nails, pretty face, long blonde hair, a perfect body by girl standards. Or at least what Carmen had understood of them.

 “Not really the same.. but before I came out? I like…I would uh buy…girl clothes. That I liked. For my girlfriends at the time…” she blushed “and um.. I realized after a while that I liked them. And I wasn’t just..wanting to see my girlfriend in them. And like- it’s not the exact same, but when he said… about how Jesse realized he wanted the guy. That’s how I felt when I finally tried the clothes on” she shrugged. 

Carmen was…aghast. He just simply stared at her. He’d never met- or thought-  he’d ever met a trans person before today. But…Shayna? 

Well- he was wrong because he had met her, they actually knew each other fairly well as far as patients go, she joined the program when he did. When they first met, she’d made a joke about how they were the tallest girl and shortest guy in the class, so that meant they were bound to be friends, since opposites attract - and that earned a chuckle out of him before his meds had even fully evened out. 

“I love the cis-and-confused look- it’s cute” she said and laughed a bit. Carmen blushed, smiling a bit. 

“Not confused- well, maybe. Maybe a little. Y’Just so…dainty? I dunno..” he shrugged. 

“In case you haven’t noticed- mr.little man syndrome- you’re only one out with the cows doing the hay on time in the morning. Ninty percent of the group is your version of dainty ” Jesse teased. 

“Jesse” Julie gives him the look. “I’d assume that means- the rest of you that aren’t out helping with the bales- are scraping out the cow pens? Since Carmen is doing all the hard work according to you.” 

“I’m not girl- fuck no! The second I got out of inpatient house arrest? I walked my happy ass down to Walmart and bought me some blackout curtains. I recommend those to all of you! Oh my god and some ear plugs!! The stupid fucking roosters! Worst 15 days of my lifeee! I’m never coming back here peace and love to you all though. Truly. Can’t stand this cow shit stank ass place.”  Shayna said dramatically, causing Carmen to chuckle a bit.

 He had loved her boldness since they’d met. If Shayna didn’t want to do something- she wasn’t doing it. He learned that the day the staff tried to force her on anti-depressants. One of the main therapists got a Wellbutrin straight to the eye, they never attempted that battle the same way again. 

“We know Shayna you aren’t shoveling scat, princesses don’t do that” Jesse mocked her valley girl tone. 

“Okay! Okay. Alriiiight! Back on track- done with the bickering!” Julie said. “Now that open call is over let’s move on to breakthroughs. This issss-“ she looks at her iPad “ah- yes! D group. So. That makes it-“ he checks her watch “ah- right. 11 days! How are your light tunnel projects going?” She questioned. 

Carmen’s chest tightened, but not in the Syd is smiling or he made Syd laugh way- in the - I haven't done something I was meant to do way. 

The Light Tunnel project wasn’t hard. It was simply one thing you have done that you had wanted to do when you came into the program. And Carmy knew what his answer was, 

Admit how he felt to Sydney. 

Or, as his Therapist- Mandy told him ‘become more truthful with yourself and those you know about how you feel’ because “counting on someone to like him back would put him at square one” he had pretended to understand, but knew that he had to tell her and soon - or he was going to really go insane. 

“ my light tunnel was to talk to my asshole father- but lucky for me I just caught wind the motherfucker finally died thank god. So by default I win and don’t have to be here anymore cause his abandonment was what fucked me up anyhow“ Shayna said jokingly, causing Carm to snort a laugh. He knew she was only joking about the leaving early part, not the father part. Her father was an even bigger piece of shit then Carmen’s was, he had come to learn.

“Mmm that isn’t how it works we know that Shayna. We’ll talk more about this in one to one “ Julie told her and Shayna crossed her long legs, looking out the window. 

The last 20 minutes of the session Carmen sat silently, looking out the opposite window to Shayna, watching the horses running around in the field before they got called in for dinner and just spacing out, thinking about what he may say to Syd. 

“Yo - Carm space cadet” Shayna said before kicking his boot he jumped a bit, looking up at them both and had realized the room since had cleared and Julie was preparing for her next session. 

“Shit.” He said “how long have I been like…like that?” He asked, his cheeks feeling hot. 

“It’s the OCD meds. They get you stuck in a happy thought loop sometimes. Are you just gonna sit here? You wanna do another hour of this with sniveling group a? They got here three days ago.” Jesse said. Carm shook his head, getting up. 

“No- no sorry” he said starting with them outside. Shayna laughed a bit 

“You were thinking of screwing that business partner aren’t you. “ she said, causing Carmys cheeks to go pinker. 

“Shayna shut up!” Jesse scolded, pushing her shoulder lightly. 

“Awwww carmyyy are your feelings hurt little buddy? Do you need a hug? Jesus men are such pussys” she pushed open the doors of the therapy cabin for them. 

“Let me see pictures of this hot chick. If you don’t fuck her I will and I bet I’d do a better job” Shayna teased as they started heading back towards the cabins. 

Carmen couldn’t even process what she said as he felt his breath get caught in his chest, he saw her. She was sitting on the porch of his cabin, criss-cross in one of the rocking chairs as she writes in her notebook. He couldn’t help but stop and stare at the way the setting sun hit her bronze skin, her curls casting intricate patterned shadows on the wood. He felt his heart pick up, his chest squeezing in that way, the way that only happened when he saw her. 

Shayna and Jesse stopped after a few moments when they realized Carm had gotten stuck behind. They both follow his gaze carefully to see what he was so fixed on, like a trance. 

“Holy fuuuck!!! Holy fuck how did I get this lucky!! She’s here? She’s here still?!” Shana asked excitedly, “oh my god- you’re getting laid- tonight” she excitedly skips up to the cabin and Syd looks up, locking eyes with her before seeing Carmen just a few paces behind.  “I’m Shayna! Do you and Carm wanna hang out with us tonight?”

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡

#sydcarmy #syd x carmy #syd x carmen #sydney x carmy #sydney x carmen #carmen x sydney #carmy x sydney #sydney adamu #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto fluff #the bear fx #the bear fic #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto fanfiction #the bear #carmy berzatto fanfiction #the bear fanfiction #carmen berzatto smut #sydcarmy for life #sydcarmy fanfic #sydcarmy fanfiction #sydcarmy fic #sydney x carmen fic #sydxcarmy fanfiction

[mollyolikeme]

Thoughts as I read TSC: A Stream of Conciousness Part Two!

Filthy Spoils!

classic kevin.

LOL keep saying i see how much you bench as if thats an indicator of someones ability to kickass

HA! i always forget about the sixteen hour days shit, i cannot, i find it too fucking funny it's fucking impossible. mfs would be DECEASED. like DEAD.

they are so hardcore this fantastical has me CACKLING every time

like a ken doll!

BLONDE.

ill advised thoughts....

uh oh jean, your crazy is showing.

goddamn. to hate but need. complicated and absolutely screwed up relationship dynamics are fascinating.

okay, i like to rag on our beloved kevin (because its fun and easy) but like props where props are due. i know we didn't get to see his transition from raven to fox but i honestly think the boy would have handled it a lot better than jean jean morose over here. boy isssssss messed up.

foreshadowwwwww SWIM SHORTS!

dangerously low? dangerous for who jean?

do not be slut shaming, lucas. thats fucking gross of you and i'm not even gonna mention the nonconsensual factor...........

oh. my. word. its not funny but i feel the morbid sense to laugh at the ravens dropping like flies.

bad therapist. you cant force it. where is Dobson?

OMG LOL i summoned her!

dont you worry about kevin babe, the foxes got him

thats two hands on chin! thats two!

he's got a big dick! lololololololol boys not tryna be gayyyy

oh the heat! the HEAT! yes jeremyyyyyyyy

fear of water.

what happens when he losses his grip......i want to see you lose control......... hi familiar phrasing and trauma, i ADORE you.

in my head, jean has a very french tsk of his tongue reaction to almost everything people do around him.

yesssss the foxes ARE synchronized.

you tell him jeremy! none of his raven intentionally injuring people bullshit

omg were gonna get a little kevin trip to cali! reunion of the abused buds! (again gotta take the morbid hilarity into account for my health)

LOL wheel throwing! Patrick Swayze where are you?!

not the self flagellating notebooks he kept.....

oooooo intense. it all comes to the surface. the truth will always come out.

this is clever, gives just enough info about the ravens without explaining the crime side of things. go nora.

okay damn lucas.... issues buddy. dont be comin after jean jean. you'll regret it.

chin grab number 3! this time by jeremy 🤩

omg cuuuuuuuute little motorcycle ride and seashell gifty

again. uh oh jean. your crazy is showing to the coaches now. this truth is really spilling out the cracks

pause.......... guys my sanity........ my INsanity upon reading this........... im losin it! ......... okay resume.

morbid laughing morbid laughing morbid laughing fuck fuck fuck

yo. to somehow make me feel like neilio's story is a positive tale................

wow lucas. doubling down are we. his character does have a very difficult truth to come to terms with. its fuckin rough and a hella interesting arc.

you should call dobsonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

OH SHIT! neil's here! Thats not good news for you jean!

fy faen neil. you're kind of a gangster babe!

oh. dead sister. so sad. (typing it out like that looks sarcastic. It's not.)

yaaaaasssss thats the smart mouth we know and love! telling an agent he parked illegally!!! ahhhhh lolololololoolol

OMG Neil!!!! sweetheart! you care so much! awwwwwwwww wow nora seriously, what. a. treat! he cares about his buddy jean.

jeremy...... you got it so bad hun. always with the 'what do you need?' like just promise yourself to him forever and ever.

CHIN!!!!!!!!!! FOUR TIMES NOW.

woah Jer.

i like that jean actually doesn't like exy. such a good contrast to neils pov obsession.

im curious where this whole 'its not freedom its a pretty cage' thing is gonna go. like, yea i dont think you'll ever be 'free' free jean. but honestly this is pretty damn close. professional athletes lives are very straight forward. and if youre that good, fuckin easy.

#tsc spoilers #the sunshine court spoilers #jean moreau #jeremy knox #tsc #the sunshine court

[dogydayz]

I think one of my favorite parts of the "autistic Shadow" headcanon is the fact that he's designed to be the Ultimate Lifeform. I don't mean this in an annoying, "autism is a superpower" dumb way (even if I do find my own autism to actually be quite helpful at times, the whole concept of calling it that is stupid and used to hurt people like us), I mean it in a "Shadow was genetically engineered to be an Ultimate Lifeform, he's designed to survive and be able to do things no one else can, yet he still struggles with something that could be classified as a disability in his daily life." I dont know if im wording it properly, but there's something about how he's still viewed as that Ultimate Lifeform despite dealing with something that many people would immediately label as a trait that makes someone "inherently" less capable of survival. I know that many folks struggle with autism in way more severe ways than I may (though much of me saying this is kinda me repressing and refusing to acknowledge that it IS still a disability for me, but still, i recognize others DO deal with more severe aspects than I do), however I really just dislike how autistic characters get labeled as inherently "unable" to live "right". He's a character whose whole thing is that he makes his own path for himself, he fights even if the world hates him, he doesn't back down and even when it looks like he is, he's just playing it smart. Even if he does have these struggles, he IS able to find a life for himself, he isn't held down by expectations or what people tell him he is. In fact, that's ANOTHER whole part of him as a character, that he breaks free from what others say he should be. Even if he were confirmed to be autistic, he wouldn't be "the autistic character". He'd still be himself, he'd be Shadow, they'd be confirming that he has certain struggles, but he'd still be /himself/.

His story wouldn't change, he wouldn't be bound by the chains of what people think an autistic character in media should look like, he wouldn't be "the character who's autistic" (as if they aren't all already autistic, but that's a whole different topic lol), he'd just be Shadow, and Shadow would just happen to be autistic.

Again, I may be wording this wrong and if i am PLEASE forgive me, I'm trying so hard to put my thoughts into words,,,

I think this is coming a bit from a place of me seeing Prime Sonic and thinking to myself "holy fucking shit he's got ADHD but it's not shown as all of him". Of course they havent truly confirmed Sonic to be ADHD but like, i think they probably did do it purposefully here, but maybe that's just me? I just see him do stuff and think "wow yeah, I've done that before! And I do it because i have ADHD! and he has some of my struggles!! But his friends still love him even if they're annoyed by him at times, and he still isn't a bad person even if he did fuck up! Any they handle it with nuance that real people experience in life!!"

And that's how I'd see autistic Shadow being handled. He already has a lotta the traits, but they don't confirm it being based on things like sensory overload or whatever, despite the fact that they really could. And even if they did, he'd be handled just as if it were another trait. It wouldn't be some defining attribute to him, him being autistic wouldn't be some selling point, there wouldn't be any "look! There's now an autistic character in this media!!".

But back to the main point.... Basically, him being autistic doesn't make him any less of the Ultimate Lifeform, and I think that's about the most extreme way to get across the point of "being autistic doesn't make you any less of a person or any less important". He was GENETICALLY ENGINEERED. Yet he still is autistic and it was decided "yep we succeeded in creating the Ultimate Lifeform!", so much so that the military wanted to use him as a WEAPON. Nothing about his potential disability made him any less of a success, or any less of a protector to Maria, or any less of a wonderful creation to Gerald, or any less of anything else to anyone he knows.

Something about that is just... a really nice idea to me. Maybe not for everyone, but to me that's inspiring as fuck, and reassuring to, to think about...

#sonic #sth #sonic headcanons #sorta #shadow the hedgehog #character rant #autism posting #autism rant #actually autistic #long post #text post #autistic shadow

[apochryphalantithesis]

who wants an unintelligibly unfinished lore infodump

wow really ? ok here goes … no pictures sorry

set the scene theres a space player guy who played sburb ( who would have guessed ) and did all that average dead session caliborn stuff but like not caliborn , and also the challenge being more tailored towards space players rather than time players , how it would change ? IDK . he wins all the fucked up sign leprechauns who will become the horoscope and is like wow i could conquer so many universes with these guys or Whatever thats very on the nose

but in a different medium , his timeplayer ex-hate-girlfriend from ANOTHER UNIVERSE also played sburb and because of the challenge thing couldnt really get all too much done past the god tiering crap . but its ok … becaus she didnt need to .. she only did that bs so she could stop that orher guy from being all big and bad .

she traveled through the furthest ring woohoo and kicked that other guys ass hashtag girlboss and then was like ok guess im leading you guys now and the leprechauns were like OK that other guy was kinda chill but ALRIGHT , they go back to alternius through stupid time shenanigans

this girl im tlaking about is technically the lord englisj ‘ standin ‘ but there was a falling out involving a first guardian ( doc standin ) and the fun gang or whatever they were called and time girl went their separate ways … how this happens ? give me a break i havent thought that far yet . scratchndin is like dont weorry you can go run your errands and become one with the timeline or whayever your team and universes are in good hands ……. and time girl is like ok thats good i guess dont try any funny business , ill be back with the milk soon ……….. then you wont believe who fucks a bunch of future stuff over ..

ok now weve got the first guardian of alternifuck and shit who like in a way is very opposite to doc scratch … everything she .. its a girl btw i dont know why i made her a girl but its too late to change it now LOL .. everything she does is very against what timeplayer stands for and does a bunch of stuff just for the hell of it as a test of her powers she thinks shes funnie …… let women have hobbies i guess ..

thats about as far as im gonna infodump

OK howd you like it how many plot holes did u find how much will you drink to that

#please be nice to me this is the most thinking on something ive done in a while #the cherubs actually have sprites i just have refrained from posting them #scratches chin while thinking #im gonna go on a limb and say space cherub is from earth b and time cherub is from alternius a ?? #and they spoke by something similar enough to jade and jakes pen pal thing ??? i guess #how this works i have no idea I SAY THAT a lot dont i #<- not set in stone but it is an interesting concept to me

[vroomian]

which would be funnier? hana in blue lock immediately or hana in blue lock AFTER her terrible i-want-a-refund KNB experience?

oh after knb would be funnier for sure. hana goes from 'wow i hate basketball' to 'wow soccer players are all freaks! take me back to basketball land please!'. Of course, by the end of hh i don't know that hana would even bother staying in the blue lock program because she has like, friends and a girlfriend and zero desire to play sports lol.

so if i was gonna do an au it'd have to be something like she never met kise (this is a same universe thing i guess!) and instead went through life alone. she's already tried to commit suicide by this point and her parents were so upset that she agreed to go to therapy. her therapist had her pick one hobby to try out and she decided on soccer at random.

naturally, she's really fucking good. hana definitely has the personality to be a striker lol. her life could've been so much easier if she just gave in to people's expectations of her instead of going 'how about i do what i want forever'. i think her parents were so thrilled that they pulled strings to get her into the blue lock program despite her gender. ego was interested enough that he agreed. She's not in the same group as isagi at first, instead, she is the only one in her group to make it to the second round. She made it by carrying her team lol.

then all the freaks start to come out of the woodwork and hana goes owo? whats this? like-minded peers to trash talk and bully? who are awful in a way that makes me look normal??? and her life gets significantly more hilarious.

i imagine that reo def knows who she is because they're in the same tax bracket, he tries to trash talk her on how she's only here because ego wanted her parent's money so he made an exception. and hana gets to go "Obviously, I'm an exception. Im exceptional."

and this is just a normal thing for a striker to say, god bless them :')

(hana probaly gets along most with nagi. they're both pretty chill)

#you've got questions we've got answers #bllk #hh aus #hana would have a lot of fun grinding her opponents into dust i imagine #hana won't improve but she will get worse in fun new ways! #hh #no romance in this one i think

[journalsouppe]

APOLLO JUSTICE!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! What i would literally give to have a true AA4 sequel. I wholeheartedly believe if Yamazaki's team could ignore aa4 canon to make 5 & 6 then Shu Takumi should absolutely be allowed to ignore any 5&6 canon to make an aa4 sequel. I'm dying out here pleaseeeeee

The Phoenix sticker is from Peachcott. The Klavier sticker is from Ayabit from the Turnabout Cinema zine. The Apollo and Trucy stickers are from astarsor.

Writing typed below!

rating: 9.8 played: Fa 2023 port: 3DS favorite? Y replayable: Y recommend? Y series: Ace Attorney

Comments

THE JUDGE PAINTING

apollo's such a dork <3

ooo i like the perceive function

i love the music

DONT SAY THAT TRUCY T_T

there's so much going on in this investigation

wow i love how uneasy i feel even after the trial ended

LMAO I FORGOT ABOUT THE PHOENIX SEX PHOTO

i dont think y'all want your panties back...

klav's a bill and ted fan i see lol

LOVE mr eldoon's design 10/10

klapollo meet cute moment LMAO

oops ^^; i accidentally wrote a 600 word essay about the first case

i like how apollo cried over trucy

IT'S JUSTICE TIME??? T^T

i like klavier's hands a normal amount

alita must have some dirty fucking feet

the animations are so smooth

apollo being jealous of klavier at the concert and thinking he's cool LMAO

apollo is WHIPPED

trucy is KILLING it in court, she really is nick's daughter

klavier's shoe print *skull emoji*

out of pocket shiny forehead comment LMAO

lamiroir has similar vocal tones as malon!

THE PENIS FIRE AND KLAV PUTTING IT OUT IN THE BKGD

the smile and hair twirl klavier LMAO

why am i doing this music recording thing T^T

i dont like looking at daryan T_T

letouse kazuma moment lmao

capcom loves the face down death with writing on the ground huh LMAO

wtf is the judge talking about

i love all these scientific tests with ema! :)

i love the snackoos SFX

klav does not miss an opportunity to take a short at apollo's big forehead LMAO

APOLLO YOU DUMBASS

faking blindness is crazy

I KNEW IT WOULD BE DARYAN'S VOICE

klav's office is so much more normal than edgeworth's

WAIT IS IT GRAMARYE AND NOT GRAYMAYRE??

THE ANIMALS??

i love apollo and lamiroir goofing on klav

similar tech opening to brc

WTF WAS THAT KRISTOPH JUMPSCARE T-T

LORD DADDY???

oh he's insufferable

HOLY SHIT THAT'S WHY VERA IS STARING AT KLAV??

"rip off" phoenix is so real for that

are they injecting magnifi with piss??

im curious why kristoph would do this to phoenix

he just left his daughter???

tf is going on

T^T THE KRISTOPH ZOOM IN

why does klav have that egg from dragon tales

apollo understands me with mascots

this is so gay omfg

daryan not liking trucy means he goes even more into the shit book than before

apollo the journaling king

the x-ray function is a really fun addition

BABY TRUCY

omg phoenix with out the ugly hd redraw

GUMSHOE

he said it!!! he said 'ace attorney' lmao

i love and hate that i have to present the journal page

why does the screen shake when mr misham speaks T_T

THAT SCAR IS FREAKY

siblings omgggg

Summary:

I love this game so much. I love it so much that I am heartbroken knowing that AA 5 & 6 butchers the story it setup and I'm considering not even playing them unless AA7 is announced. I love all the main characters so much, the whole story was so well built and I can def see the influence the story had on DGS. Apollo is such a good protagonist, he's relatable but also so unique. I love seeing his character progression in the game: a new attorney who is easily manipulated to a confident and determined attorney who trusts in his own judgement. I LOVED Klavier oh my god. I love how much he respects Apollo and although he doesn't hesitate to tease him, he doesn't bully or abuse Apollo in any way. They both have a mutual admiration and rivalry where they try to play as fairly as possible. Klav doesn't maliciously withhold or change evidence, but he does spend hours reviewing his arsenal and thinks of all the counter arguments the defense could bring up. I really like Apollo's ability, it continues the mystery and mysticism from the original trilogy but with new mechanics. I adore Trucy so much. She honestly might be my favorite AA character. She's determined, strong willed, and above all -- extremely silly. I couldn't of asked for a better character to be Phoenix's daughter. I also LOVE the sibling reveal at the end but gdi if only they actually figure it out T^T T^T. I think Apollo and Trucy's dynamic is probably my favorite Defense and assistant dynamic. This who game was so fun, I know 4-3 is not everyone's favorite and it is a little all over the place but I also enjoyed it and loved the premise. There's so much to say, I haven't even talked about Nick and Kris - what an incredible feud, what a genius development for Nick. I cannot recommend this game enough, I am so obsessed with it and cannot wait to make art <3 <3.

#journalsouppe #bullet journal #journal #video game journal #ace attorney #apollo justice #apollo justice ace attorney #aa4

[p0rchc0ll4ps3]

it's time for jean himages (horse images). i want to trace and color some of these digitally but itll take three years so here's what i have for now. so im posting on this blog for the headcanons and bc they're not full art pieces yet

anyways these r just sketchbook doodles so theyre not the greatest anatomywise (bc i fix them in post (ie digitally)) but you know what i stare at them so much so here

jean rides his horse in the french style which involves Lightness (a way of like. communicating with your horse and making sure the horse's needs are met, i think) so he's. really gentle with his horse. he braids the horse's hair in dressage style so button braids on top and then plaited tail. it's a big black horse with a white blaze and white socks (yeah im a horsegirl too) (in my digitally lined version of that third image, i spent like an hour making sure all the tack was accurate to the riding style. this is just the initial sketch so it's not accurate here, so you're just going to have to pretend)

harry rides horse a mixture of western and english bc he always does everything his own way, and kim (and judit not pictured) rides english bc that's the standard rcm procedure for horse. also as part of the mounted cop uniform, they have to have riding helmets lol

i think harry's horse is a small chestnut mare with a blaze and stockings, and kim's is a little bigger dark bay. they're quarter horses / thoroughbreds mostly. tho tbh they're probably elysium / insulinde specific horsebreeds that i don't know about

kim hates doing horse bc the horse never listens to him. he's used to kineema! so he's too tight on the reins. but then he ends up liking the horse anyways

obviously a lot of these r not too canon to my headcanons bc there's a few ooc phrasings and some things aren't solidified to events that i want to write about but that's ok. i'm working on writing some kinda' post-Martinaise dynamics bw Jean, memory-loss Harry, and Kim as well as the others at the 41st, and I want a lot of 'Jean has to teach Kim how to ride horse' in there. coz i think it would be fun to write kim 'wow jean is competent??? and i have to take orders from him even though i fucking hate his guts???' kitsuragi lol. making kim not good at something for once and he hates it so much how tf do you stay professional when the horse keeps misbehaving and you can't control her

also im headcanoning that all the motor carriages in insulinde at least are the british way: driver on the right, passenger on the left. carriages / horses on the road on the left (bc the rcm patch is on your right shoulder, so when you pass people on the left they can see it (if you're doing it the "normal" way ie driving/walking on the right, people can't see your patch when you pass them (i know this from experience bc i put white tape on my trenchcoat rcm-style)))

transcript for my handwriting under cut

First Image: jean on horse in the top middle: It's not a motor carriage, Kitsuragi. Loosen up on the reins. kim on horse in the top middle: I know that, Officer.

kim in the car middle left: It's not a horse, Officer. You're driving too carefully.

jean in the doorway bottom middle: Hah! You're talking to the horse! Sucker! kim with the horse bottom middle: I was just putting on her bridle Vic!

Second Image: Jean to Kim bottom right: Maybe next time you'll actually pay attention when someone's trying to fucking share knowledge with you.

Third Image: Jean on left: Hurry it up back there Lieutenant, we don't have all fucking day. Harry in middle: He's got this, Jean! Jean: Don't Jean me. Harry: He'll be fine! Kim on right: If you had let me keep the Kineema, we'd be there by now.

#these doodles are just a trick for y'all to read my hella' long as fuck texposts #bc i have SO MANY GODDAMNED THOUGHTS ABOUT EVERYTHING #about the Characters and the Worldbuilding and the Dynamics and the Plot #literally so fixated on this media it's incredible #doodles #my art #jean vicquemare #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #jean horsegirl vicquemare #disco elysium #horses #de #also eyes is there in the second image but dw about him thats a bad drawing of him

[hermanunworthy]

!DNDADS S2 EP39 SPOILERS!

the time has come. i have felt physically ill anticipating this episode. LETS GO!

- i would first like to inform everyone that i am wearing a black and purple scary inspired outfit and a bracelet that says "doodler" on it as i listen to this episode

- WILLY INTRO. GOD

- class changes would be kinda cool i will admit

- taylors doing music stuff now ooo living up to his namesake. well he def cant make music under his real name lol

- THE HESITANCE ON "WILSON". MATT WHY.

- every fact i hear about grant and marcos parenting makes me die a little more each time

- STRICTLY SHOES ON??? IN THE OAK SWALLOWS GARCIA HOUSE?? oh no wonder that familys so fucked up.

- so what im hearing. is that normal is just wearing heelys at all times

- ITS STARTING. THE DOODLER. THE DOODLERS COMING. IM NOT READY

- ANTHONY THAT IS NOT WHAT THE GRIMACE SHAKE MEME IS IM CRYING

- IM HERE ANTICIPATING THE DOODLER READY TO EXPLODE AND THESE FUCKERS ARE SITTING HERE TALKING ABOUT MCDONALDS CUM 😭

- STOP JOKING ABOUT THE SEASON BEING OVER I DONT WANT IT TO END ANYTIME SOON

- WILLY SAYING "I LOVE YOU" IS THE MOST DISGUSTING SHIT GET THAT AWAYYY

- "hey willy nobodys gonna listen to u anymore" HELLLL YEAH GET HIM SCARY

- NONE OF THEM KNOW WHAT TO DO NOOO

- i love scary too doodler.

- THE DOODLER SAYING "FUCK U WILLY" YIPPEEE

- NORMAL W A BROADWAY PERFORMANCE OKAY learning from hermie i see

- i also dont like it when normal gets hurt lmao

- the doodler is the realest character on the podcast /hj

- SCARYS GONNA ATTACK WILLY!!!!!

- nooo it didnt work... that wouldve been so satisfying

- WILLYS PANTS ARE STILL DOWN I CANT BELIEVE THIS

- THE FACT THAT WILL IS SO LOST ON WHAT TO DO SCARES ME

- NOOOO THE DOODLERS GETTING UPSET FUCK. THE FUCKING ZONE OF TRUTH

- i totally forgot the kiddads were there oops

- OH NOOO WILLYS CALLING FOR HELP

- im so sorry but. when am i gonna hear hermie LMAOO

- OKAY THERE THEY ARE YIPPEE

- OH WOW YEAH HERMIE IS IN THE ZONE OF TRUTH HUH. just like i said i wanted lol. forgot about that

- HERMIE W THE BEST FUCKING ROLL OF THE EPISODE SO FAR LMAO

- NOOOO WILLY HAS CONTROL OVER THE DOODLER NOW

- WILL DECIDING THAT INSTEAD OF NORMAL GIVING A HEARTFELT SPEECH TO THE DOODLER HE JUST VIOLENTLY ATTACKS WILLY. THIS IS DEFINITELY SOME CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

- MATT JUST TOTALLY FUCKED ANTHONY OVER WOW

- WILLY IS NO LONGER SCARYS PATRON. I REPEAT. WILLY IS NO LONGER SCARYS FUCKING PATRON

- OH MY GOD WERE GONNA GET THE DOODLER IN A NEW PHYSICAL FORM. OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING

- this is very upsetting good lord

- OHHHH MY GOD I REALLY HOPE THIS IS SOMETHING COOL IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

- my heart is POUNDING.

- THE SKY IS BLUE AGAIN

- WHOOOOA THEY ALL SEE THE DOODLER AS THEIR OWN INSECURITIES THATS SICK

- LARK DONT U FUCKING DARE

- THE DOODLER IS A SPIDERBOI NOW!!!!

- awww the doodler and the catbus

- NOT ANOTHER COLLAR

- "oh u kind man u" IM SCREAMING

- ANTHONY JUST CALLED LARK NORMALS DAD

- WILL HAVING HIS CHARACTER TALK TO LARK ABOUT HENRY WHAT IF I DIED.

- "dont make me hate u as much as u hate him" OH. MY FUCKING GOD OW

- "oh sparrows also there" I. ANTHONY

- INFINITY WAR BUT ITS GRIMACE INSTEAD OF THANOS IM CRYING

- WILLYS JUST GIVING UP???

- SO IS THE DOODLER JUST GONNA BE A PART OF THEIR PARTY AS THEIR BUDDY. THIS IS SO EXCITING

- THEIR NAME IS DUDE NOW?? OMG

- NEW CHARACTER LETS GOOOO

- MATTS CHARACTER SHAKING HANDS W THE DOODLER. ITS ALL COMING FULL CIRCLE WOWIE

- RON???!?!!?!!

- FUCKIFN RON STAMPLER????

- HES DEAD. RON STAMPLER IS OFFICIALLY DEAD.

- OH IM GONNA CRY THIS IS SO

- WOW. THAT EPISODE WAS SHORT BUT WOW

#dndads #dndads spoilers #dndads s2 spoilers #siren says

[boxwinebaddie]

uncle neen...yk im happy that the boys are hating n all but can we get a lil toxic yaoi?

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOUGH, whoever sent me this anon and the one asking me to elaborate on jersey being afriad to say i love you, ENJOY PRISON!!!! WOW!!!!! OW SO MUCH!!!!

( i will be answering that one btw, dw i'm not ignoring it, its just taking a while bc want to make sure its thorough aka my tears keep making my laptop short-circuit while i'm trying to write it...fml )

like maaaan, this is supposed to be my beautiful and relaxing utopia of a tumblr blog where i get to forget that i write multiple unfinished multi-chapter style angst au fanfics and pretend to be peaceful!

your honor, i have never done anything wrong in my life! facts! xx

but uhhhhh....u might be onto something...bc when i tell you, ravesey style literally does not fight bc they are in love ( or hate, ig, bC KYLE CANT SAY I LOVE YOU, I'M GONNA END IT ALLLL ) but if they did, which it's gotta have happened once, right? it was probably crazy, messy and soooooo insane like......ooooough my god, hELP.

*ravenstan vc* pero like they've literally been temporaried and basically married since they were in middle school, SO IF THEY FIGHT??? IF THEY BREAK UP??? DOES THAT MEAN THEYRE GETTING DIVORCED???? IM SICK!!!! IM SO SICK MY STOMACH HURTS SO BAD I HATE THIS!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

i want to d*e, however....you know me...

and i do Live for the Drama, babey. ;)

like, okay, okay, okay could you imagine them at the same events bc marjorine is in crimson dawn so naturally kyle ft. the blonde crew would all be there ( and we all read my cringe post, we know what used to go on at those events between the boys and what came off ) and oooooooooof, like??? some weird music exec man talking to stan, trying to make a pass at him, tryna touch his ass, making him super uncomfortable and stan just like ahaahaAhaaa! yeah! be in touch! more like please don't touch me lol, i'm literally scared of u, wtf!!! :'((

and jerseykyle walking up after the guy leaves like "I Don't Like How That Guy Was Talking To You" hella overprotective & ravenstan being like "Why Do You Care? You're Not My Boyfriend, Rem(ember)?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHH HELLLLLLL NOOOOOO

I HATE IT HERE LIKE MAAAAAAAAAAN!!! BOOOOO!!!!!!

and kyle just being like "you're right. i'm not." :'|

this is sick....I am SICK.

and kyle trying to deflect and not be vulnerable bc hE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO BE VULNERABLE PLS TELL ME THEY DIDNT BREAK UP BC KYLE CANT SAY I LOVE YOU I WILL PASS AWAY!!!

all like "i can smell the vodka on ur breath, by the way. i thought you quit drinking." and stan quick with it af bc hes defensive relapsing and his drinking problem smh like "yeah? and i can smell the cigarettes on yours. i thought YOU quit." AUUUR NAAAH

and kyle being also defensive about relapsing and his cigarette addiction like "Why Do You Care? You're Not My Boyfriend...

rEm(EmBEr)?"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!! i'm so sad this is sO!!!!

i feel like its so messy like i feel like they are a bubbline level of messy or like a haylor break up level of messy where stan sings all the romantic kyle songs but makes them Fast instead of slow and does a really bad new jersey accent one time out of spite bc hes schwasted and really sad or writes a really mean song called like psycho babble whatever abt boys who need therapy psychoanalyzing you,,,, AAAA!!!

hell is a place and i hate it here...can they be in love again like MAN?

stan doing interviews and the interviewers trying to skate around the ravesey split so stan doesn't k-word himself and hes just like "no its okay you can say we broke up haha </3" *necks vodka*

"a-anyways, i'm single now! So!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! TOMATTTTOOOOO

and i bet you he only said that bc he thinks jersey kyle re-entered his grindr manwhore for the streets era!!!! bc the interviewers are being nice but the tabloids are being ruthless and photoshopping a bunch of shit and just like taking pictures of kyle outside of the apartment getting mail like NEXT TO THE FKN MAIL MAN LIKE!! NEW BF!!

bUT LIKE HE DIDNT!!!! HE LITERALLY WOULDNT LIKE OH MY GOD BUT ITS ALL VERY CONVINCING AND STAN DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE LIKE MAN WHAT THE FUCK BROTHER!!!!!! NOOOO!!!

i was like hm where is the dial drunk ravenstans one phone call being kyle and kyle not picking up...but ALSO????? where is the scary mean vicious attack dog mean streets new jersey kyle who reverts back to fighting and brawling getting thrown in the cop car and is calling stan/gets dropped on ravenstans doorstep all beat up n bloody and bruised...and stan thinks he was just being reckless and hotheaded and fighting ppl again bUT HE ACTUALLY??? GOT INTO A BAR FIGHT BC SOMEONE SAID SOMETHING ABT RAVEN THAT WAS REALLY FUCKED UP AND LITRALLY BEAT THE SHIT OUT THEM???

i will also have you know that eco/plant king stan knows a lot of natural remedies just from being interested in apothecary stuff and from his mom...but speaking of miss sharon sonrisa, before randy RUINED HER LIFE, she wanted to be a doctor, so she was very skilled in areas of medicine/patching people up and passed all that knowledge onto her lovely son who...literally is scared of blood but does...unfortunately have years of binding under his belt from when he was trying to pass/didn't have top surgery, so he is very good at bandaging wounds ( randy also...gave him lots of practice! haha )

also i want to cry bc...ravenstan is so gentle and will take very good care of u...its probably so tense and so tender in there...when i tell you they are about to KISS that whole time....

ANYWAYS!!!! HOW VERY DARE YOU ASK ME THIS AND MAKE ME MAKE THIS HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION THAT HURT MY FEELINGS...i will...elaborate on it...and make it realer and worse if you ask...BUT KNOW THAT JAIL AWAITS I AM SO UPPPPSET!!!!

-uncle nina, crying and throwing up over the fake ravesey toxic yaoi and drama i created for them FOR THE DRAMA...truly sick n twisted

#I FORGOT TO SAY #i bet you ravenstans hair is a Color #and u know hes having a bpd boy moment if his hair is a color especially if its VIBRANT #and patchy as hell #bc u know he did it himself on a whim probably manic and walked his lil ass to the cvs #in the sharkchanclas and bought like 5 4lokos #and like two boxes of splat #w the crazy 40 volume developer bleach in there smh #and dyed his hair all depressed and stressed #like i bet u its like GREEN or RED...oh my god red hair raven is so mentally ill...that is antistan #i hate it here can they kiss again why did i write this why would u ask me this but also ask me more #i am also v obsessed w street hardened jersey kyle and gentle home medic pacifist stan...theyre in lovE BUT THEYRE FIGHTING LIKE BOOOOO #KISSSSSS ALREADY PLEASE SMASH I HATE THIS #ALSO I BET U IF KYLE SHOWS UP ON THE APARTMENT DOORSTEP STAN IS IN THE COMFORT COLUMBIA SWEATSHIRT HOLDING CURB ALL SHOOK #LIKE UR HONOR THEYRE IN LOVE U GOTTA BELIEVE ME

[zalrb]

“I could give you the tour,” Katherine continued. “There isn’t an inch of this place where I haven’t taken him.” 

He’d walked away from her, angry and anguished, but he hadn’t left the cabin. He wasn’t going far, not after the attack. He’d stayed around, making sure they were safe inside, making sure she felt OK, making her tea, getting her blankets, but he was quiet and contemplative, silently agonizing over their conversation, a desperation, a wordless indignation at what she’d revealed to him about her deal with Elijah. And when they’d gotten into bed, Stefan lying on his side, facing away from her, Elena staring up at the ceiling, she lay next to him for exactly five minutes before shaking her head and sighing.  

THIS IS SO IN CHARACTER IM SPEECHLESS

“I can’t go to sleep like this,” she said. “With you angry at me. I--” She turned so she could face him, though all she saw was his back. “Stefan, please try to under---” 

He’d rolled over and kissed her with an earnestness that moved her to immediately put her arms around his neck.

OMFG GSKSHSKSNSNSNS I KNOW YOU HATE THEM BUT MY GAY ASS IS FUCKING ECSTATIC RIGHT NOW, ITS GIVING CALZONA AND IM LIVING FOR IT

the whole sex scene.... just... wow.

me wondering how i got here

CAUSE THIS IS FUCKING HEAVEN

His determination to make her feel him, feel what it was to be alive, had her grabbing at him, pulling at the sheets, whimpering and begging, answering his pleas with pleas of her own. He’d awakened every atom in her body to him, and feeling his heart beat wildly against her chest had in turn made her wild and overwhelmed --- a mess of sensations. She was overcome with the singular feeling that she could never, ever give this up, she never wanted to live without this. He rocked into her deeper and deeper as if to say, So then stay with me, stay with me, stay with me … 

“It must kill you to want him back and know he wants nothing to do with you,” said Katherine now.

“And now he’s gone,” said Elena simply. “I didn’t think about that, not really, because I’ve never thought of him being gone, never thought about how much that would …” She took another sip so the vodka would burn away the anguish she felt. She paused, as if she were trying to gather her words. “I think the only thing that would be worse is being with him and never being loved by him.” She looked at Katherine, her eyes hardened. A harshness twisted her face.

“So you should tell me, how does that feel? Do you think it’s worse?” 

LMFAO WHOS PLAYING WITH FIRE NOW

“You think that you and him actually have something. You think it’s, oh my God,” she put her drink back down, walked across the room and reached out to touch Katherine’s shoulder, “you think it’s special.” 

“He did none of that with you,” she said finally. “If you are special to him, Katherine, it’s for all the wrong reasons. You’re the bitch who ruined his life.”

“No,” said Katherine, inching closer to Elena, staring her dead in the eye. “I’m the only one he’s sleeping with right now. I’m that bitch.” Katherine didn’t know if it was rage or heartbreak that flickered in Elena’s eyes but it was enough to satisfy her. “You can let yourself out,” she said as she slipped out of the living room. 

DAMN LOL, everytime elena and katherine fight i feel like im watching a tennis match LOL

the back and fourth is amazing and ON TOP OF THAT very thought provoking. they have me questioning whether katherine really IS special to stefan or not. i can see both sides lol but thats probably just me being a libra

He’d walked away from her, angry and anguished, but he hadn’t left the cabin. He wasn’t going far, not after the attack. He’d stayed around, making sure they were safe inside, making sure she felt OK, making her tea, getting her blankets, but he was quiet and contemplative, silently agonizing over their conversation, a desperation, a wordless indignation at what she’d revealed to him about her deal with Elijah. And when they’d gotten into bed, Stefan lying on his side, facing away from her, Elena staring up at the ceiling, she lay next to him for exactly five minutes before shaking her head and sighing.  

THIS IS SO IN CHARACTER IM SPEECHLESS

Well because he does it in 4x02 after finding out that she blood-shared with Damon (not knowing she was sired into doing it and into not telling him)

like he's mad but he's still going to be there for her

“I can’t go to sleep like this,” she said. “With you angry at me. I--” She turned so she could face him, though all she saw was his back. “Stefan, please try to under---” 

He’d rolled over and kissed her with an earnestness that moved her to immediately put her arms around his neck.

OMFG GSKSHSKSNSNSNS I KNOW YOU HATE THEM BUT MY GAY ASS IS FUCKING ECSTATIC RIGHT NOW, ITS GIVING CALZONA AND IM LIVING FOR IT

the whole sex scene.... just... wow.

Well, we've spoken about how my SEx scenes are underrated in this fic because of Steferine but it's really fun to show the difference between the two of them and I think this might be one of my favourite SEx scenes I've written. This entire fic was me being like I've written dozens of sex scenes for SE and for SK, how am I going to do these ones differently?

the back and fourth is amazing and ON TOP OF THAT very thought provoking. they have me questioning whether katherine really IS special to stefan or not. i can see both sides lol but thats probably just me being a libra

ROFLMAO. Maybe not special but maybe ... specific/particular.

#stelena #steferine

[smute]

Charlie goes to his crusty bedroom and reads his precious Moby-Dick essay one more time while glugging from a two-liter bottle of bed-Pepsi. We get to hear his favorite part of the essay: “The whale doesn’t have any emotions, he’s just a poor big animal.” As a fat person who has actually read Moby-Dick, even the “boring chapters,” THAT IS NOT WHAT MOBY-DICK IS ABOUT OR WHAT MOBY DICK THE WHALE IS LIKE AT ALL. Obviously we’re supposed to draw some parallel between Moby Dick the actual whale and Charlie the human whale, but, like, why? What shallow fucking bullshit! Can you even map one on top of the other at all? Has anyone ever read Moby-Dick and thought, “wow, what a pathetic loser” about the whale? The ungraspable phantom of life himself???? Thin people don’t think of fat people as powerful and inscrutable phantoms—they’re absolutely positive they can scrute everything about us, our “everything” being CHEESY BUGLES! Hence this movie!!!!! Don’t talk about my favorite book, DARREN. I don’t come to your house and explain The Mystery Method wrong! Anyway, then Charlie uses his cursed rusty mobility aids to turn out the light and go to sleep. Spooky!

[...] How do fat suits work? Does Brendan Fraser have to wear individual little sausage tubes on each finger? I can’t stop thinking about how many awards the visual effects people (or whatever department makes fat suits) are going to win for this. It’s like if I got a Nobel Prize for drawing a mean picture of your grandma. Also, for the record, I know the fat suit was really expensive, but it looks weird! It doesn’t hang right! He looks like the mascot for an NBA team called the Wichita Big Pile of Raw Chicken. Hmm, if only there was a way to depict a fat person in a movie without an expensive flappy silicon slug bag!

While Charlie is in the bathroom crying (really), Thomas shows up again and Ellie introduces herself: “What’s more surprising—that a gay guy has a daughter, or that someone actually found his penis?” Wow, once again, thank you so much to Darren Aronofsky and playwright Samuel D. Hunter for spending TEN YEARS on this extremely humanizing screenplay! I feel seen, unlike my own genitals!!!

Charlie is so moved that he goes, “You wrote these amazing, honest things… You’ve all been so honest with me. I just want to be honest with you too.” And then he TURNS ON HIS WEBCAM and SHOWS THEM HIS HUGE FACE AND BODY! All the students lose it and they’re grimacing and cowering before him and taking pictures of the screen, LOL, even though literally it just looks like a regular guy???????? It’s a Zoom square! It looks like a close-up of a guy’s face! No one would have any reaction to this! If there’s one thing this movie does perfectly, it’s trick thin people into telling on themselves about how uncomfortable they are around fat people!

Then Liz comes back and reveals that, LMAO, what happened to Alan is that he starved himself to death (kind of), and that’s why now Charlie has to EAT himself to death. Wooooooow, who wrote that brilliant juxtaposition? Grover??? Is this supposed to be profound? It's less nuanced than when people say “the terrorists hate our freedom”! Actually, you know what? This detail with Alan is the central problem with this entire movie: Being thin is not the opposite of being fat!!!!!!!! STARVING IS NOT THE OPPOSITE OF EATING. Having a body is a complex state! [...] Then they clarify that actually Alan starved himself ALMOST to death and then jumped off a bridge. Jumping! The most thin-privilege way to die!

sorrynotsorry bout all the whale poasting but this review by lindy west was very cathartic for me! its a shitty movie and extremely triggering not just for fat people but anyone with any sort of complicated feelings around food and your own body tbh. so im sharing it here. butt news has a free subscription and lindy west is hilarious so. go read it and maybe read some other reviews too

#i watched it yesterday and was very dismissive of it but it really hit close to home and made me feel and think some not so nice things #so thank you lindy west as always #fatphobia tw #the whale #lindy west #&

[teamskull-datingsim]

okay just for my own sake heres my relationships with the undertale cast.

for context: in jeremytale, as im calling it, the Player latches onto me instead of frisk but frisk is still there. and killing someone is never a possibility. the dialogue options, whether mean or sarcastic, are something I myself would say regardless of being possessed by an Entity

frisk: thats a little sibling if ive ever seen one holy shit. in general i think theyre a cute kid and i think they look up to me but also theyre full of sass and love to backtalk (back sign??) me

chara: another little sibling. I love narrachara theory and it carries over. little dead guy (nonbinary) and their strange living cohort. chara voice Fun fact! If I was alive, I'd be your age! jeremy voice Thats really depressing dead kid

flowey: little sibling number threeee jesus christ. yes he hates me yes if something bad happens to me he will try and hurt the person who did it!! i just think hes a weird flower... until i learn the truth obviously. i try to be supportive but hes kind of a stinker

toriel: "wow this is. a bigger human than im used to having fallen here. Whatever still my child." i think shes awesome and i would love to hug her. however i do think i remind her of chara and asriel for time until she realizes that comparing me to either of them is unfair to everyone. im still her child though. Goat Mother

sans: he goes between "i need to avoid this guy at all fucking costs" and "hey it's not that bad. hes just autistic. thats cool". I do get mad at him frequently for patronizing papyrus (and he tries to do it to me too but i am not above threatening him). on the surface we relax with each other quite a bit. Especially when he realizes that me and papyrus are a good match. and also when he stops babying his brother lol

papyrus: man. cmon. you know this. i do think itd be funny that if i ever actually made jeremytale the outcome of the papyrus fight will always be the dating segment no matter what the player has me do. compliment him? "hey buddy i like your scarf! i have one just like it" "Y-YOU... SUCH A SINCERE TONE! ARE YOU... FLIRTING WITH ME?!?!" ".What". intimidate him? "(*You stand up to your full height and look down on Papyrus.)" "W-WOWIE... TRYING TO SHOW ME YOUR IMPRESSIVE STATURE... ARE YOU... FLIRTING WITH ME!?" "huh." just straight up spare him? "S-SO MYSTERIOUS AND STOIC... YOU MUST BE TRYING TO IMPRESS ME... YOURE FLIRTING?!" "WHAT!!!!!!!"

undyne: at first she hates me but once i get the undyne hang out we are. Basically siblings. she thinks me and papyrus are great and we become a trio of it. she loves noogieing me because i actually put up a fight. i also confront Her on babying papyrus but i think she already knows its bad. i also think she is so funny. most forgetful fish on the planet. WHY DIDNT YOU SIGN YOUR LETTER

alphys: im so cool to her when shes just watching my journey but when we meet face to face she quickly realizes im just as much of a dork as her. we're best friends

mettaton: i am so quirky and funny to him not in a patronizing way but like. That one video of "(excited voice) How do you keep your pants up when you perform, its incredible!" "....... belt". of course once i see EX its like. of course you have black hair and pronouns. unparalleled friend group of me, papyrus, undyne, alphys and mettaton

asgore: he is so. he thinks im an odd chap but mostly very polite and sweet. reminds him of chara much like toriel and makes him very sentimental. hes not really a dad to me but i do think he enjoys my company

#YEAHHH #gaze into the (disco) ball 🔮 #☠️bonely heart club #selfship #self ship #self shipping #selfshipping #familial f/o #platonic f/o #🗻wooahh story of undertale