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#maybe i should ‘give myself a break’ but i feel like ive been doing that for 6 years

k9iriz · 4 months

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𝐟𝐢𝐱 𝐦𝐞

18+, [ ♫ 𝘵𝘰𝘹𝘪𝘤 - 𝘬𝘦𝘩𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘪 ]

𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬!𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳/𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘴 𝘬𝘦𝘭𝘤𝘦

𝘴𝘺𝘱𝘯𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘴: 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘸𝘰, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘹𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘪𝘳.

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞��𝙜𝙨: 𝘴𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 & 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥, (𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬, 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 “𝘥𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘺” 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘬, 𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘴𝘦𝘹!/𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘶𝘱-𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘹 𝘴𝘦𝘹)

i entered the house silently as i threw my pink-designed purse on the counter, my pink steve madden heels clicked on the marble floors as i heard a bag being thrown on the floor, a pissed sigh and a rough opened fridge door in the distance as i walked upstairs, slamming the door shut, locking it.

“what happened?” you ask.

travis was mindlessly talking to a woman—who was clearly flirting with him, attracted to him.

noting he was already neglecting me, in my mind, he was more busier than usual, on the road 24-7 even on his free days.

it raised so many eyebrows, the mindless kind and sweet gestures stopped, the phone calls got shorter, not even a full “i love you” would come out, or his responses would be dry and simple.

behind that anger was me, the love of his life,his wife who just wanted some affection, some tlc.

but hey, who’s marriages are perfect?

i showered alone, soonly lathering myself with lotion as i heard the doorbell jangle, soonly it got rough, like he was gonna break the knob off the door.

“y/n, quit fuckin’ playing and open the door.” travis blasted from behind the door, making me jump, rolling my eyes as i traveled back into the bathroom, combing my hair down.

“get away from the door, i don’t got shit to say to you.” i smartly responded, before he began picking the lock, randomly.

i sat in a white beater, my nipples grew harder as i stared at him, rolling my eyes.

“why do all of that if you was gonna pick the lock, stupid?”

travis chuckled as he walked towards me, picking me up as he sat me on the counter, standing between my legs.

i froze.

“you been bitchy with me all fuckin’ day. what’s the issue?” travis spoke simply, not breaking eye contact with my eyes at all.

i felt something tingle at the bass in his voice, the firmness and seriousness.

“you should know why. flirting with bitches in my face. then on top of that, you got the nerve to come in like nothing hadn’t happened. mistreating me, like i don’t got feelings.” i completely sassed back, folding my arms, my eyes still gazed on him.

the tension intensified, apparently just leaving it silent.

“that’s what you’re mad about baby?” travis spoke again as if it was ironic i was pissed about the obvious.

“no fuckin’ shit.” i barked back as travis gripped my neck, pulling me more towards him, our chests touching.

“oooo, you’re so sassy aren’t you? calm down.” travis annouced, making my eyes advert away from him.

“look at me y/n. just listen.” he spoke out as i huffed, rolling my eyes.

“no, let me go. go flirt with whoever the fuck—she was?” i smartly shoved his hand off my neck, jumping down from the counter as i bent over, looking in the sink cabinet.

“maybe i should do the same thing, go out and ask a dude questions who’s actually in love with me—or maybe flirt with him in your fucking face.” i ranted along as travis eyed me after the last statement.

“stop it y/n.” travis warned under his breath.

“or maybe kiss him, but nooo, I made vows to stay loyal to you, you! then neglect you in the process and not give a fuck about whatever is waiting for me at home, hm?” i ranted, pushing at his chest as i slapped it, soonly the anger turned into tears.

travis took it in, and realized what ive said…knowing he was wrong, but your attitude was just clogging his head in order to comfort you.

“im sorry baby, and you know it. listen to me, quit cryin’.” travis sighed as he pulled me into his chest, just sniffling into it.

“imma make it up to you. i won’t do it again, i promise. just let me.” travis smoothly talked to me as i nodded, easily forgiving him once again- before pulled away quickly.

“ugh, why did i just forgive you that fast?” y/n shook her head, mouthing to herself, wiping her tears as she leant over, travis coming from behind pushing me all the way down.

“trav, let me up!” i whined loudly as i instantly got quiet, the slap on my ass was enough to quiet me within one.

“y’aint gonna be satisfied until i put that ass in place, hm?” travis gritted as he ran his hands all up and down my ass, gripping it, caressing it all in one.

i bit my lip to silence my moans, or any sexual that could possibly come out.

“lift up, and spread em, baby.” travis mumbled as i obeyed, practically falling more in love with my husband, and he hadn’t even did shit yet.

travis slowly began stripping himself as i slightly grabbed onto the counter, feeling himself slightly fill me up & stretch me in the process as he shoved my hand off the edge.

“don’t hold onto nothin, i got you.” travis grunted as his strokes started off mildly slow—my light moans leaving my mouth.

“oh baby…” i hissed, as his eyes never left mines from the mirror, skin clappings filling the big bathroom, bouncing off the walls like music.

travis didn’t let up, slightly gripping the ends of my hair, smoothly gripping my neck as my hands touched the mirror, my mouth falling at all the pleasure I had felt in that moment.

“mnm, you see that? that fuckin’ ring? that’s all fuckin’. mines. say it.” travis gritted in my ear as his hand collided with right ass cheek, making eye contact from my upside down vision, whimpering, gripping his hand.

it felt like heaven.

“mnm…it’s yours baby, all fucking yours! ouu—ouu shit!” i whimper-moaned the last part, gritting my teeth as my mouth gaped open.

travis kissed me every chance he got, as he slapped my ass again, as i began matching his rhythm even on all fours standing.

“uh—-uhhh huh-im gonna cum.” i groaned out, as a whimper, feeling myself push back at his chest, grabbing my arm, holding it in place.

i lost it.

“what?”

“im gonna cum, i w-wanna cum.”

“y’ain’t loud enough for me, baby, what’s that?”

“im finna cum!” i whine-cried, closing my eyes shut as he slapped my ass cheek once again, groaning at the sight of me painting his dick pure-white, soonly hearing droplets hit the marble floor.

“you squirtin’ baby?” travis was suprised but wasn’t, as i went silent, my eyes rolling into the back of my skull, just babbling sweet nothings as i let it all out, saying his name under my breath.

“let it all out. mhm. such a good girl for me.” travis encouraged and praised me as felt him pull out, slapping my ass as i weakly held onto the counter, feeling him take me onto the bed.

A SHORT TIME LATER, the skin clappings surfaced the room as my knees touched my chest, my legs opened wide as i the white creamy-wet sight glistened my vision as i held onto his hand, as his other was forcing my head to watch the sight underneath me.

“ouuu—daddy! fuck me just—like that! mhm yes!” i cried out as he didn’t allow me dip my head back not once.

he was enjoying this all at once.

“you like it huh?”

“mhm, it’s so big baby.” i teased as i but my lip, looking up at him. just a undone slut.

my eyelashes were practically sweating off with my makeup and hair, i looked sweated out, along with him.

“you gonna cum for me again, baby?” travis bit his lip at me as i nodded, his hand collided into mines as his strokes remained rough and tact.

“yes daddy, mnm it’s all yours, i love the way you fuck me, mhm.” i whined again as i looked up at him, feeling him swirl his hips, slightly his strokes got sloppier.

his grunts, groans and moans grew louder with every messy stroke he sent as his chest touched mines, feeling him sloppily kiss me, mixing some salvia and tongues with it as well.

“cum in me, give it to me daddy.” i moaned in the kiss as i wrapped my legs around his waist as he grunted fully in my mouth, before sitting up, pulling out, letting a loud “pop!” sound full the air.

straight creampie. “you still gotta attitude with me?”

i shook my head as i smiled, looking down at the oozing cum from my thigh. “no.”

[ HEY YALL. MERRY CHRISTMAS. 🎄 I HOPE YALL GOT YOUR NFL MAN UNDER YOUR TREE BC I DID! ]

not proofread — • so excuse mistakes.

#travis kelce #travis kelce x reader #travis kelce smut #travis kelce x y/n #travis kelce x you #nfl smut #nfl fluff #nfl imagines #kansas city chiefs #travis kelce angst #travis kelce x black reader

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months

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WIBTA for telling someone i can't be friends with them and returning a gift?

buckle up gamers, this is gonna be a long one. so i (22nb but i present fem) was out at the bars the other night just kinda hanging out, and a girl (26f) came up and started talking to me. she didnt really seem...super present i guess? and i talked to her to be nice and she had a cool outfit on. well i was a little drunk and ended up giving her my phone number and meeting her husband (39m) and they walked me home. the whole time she was talking about how she doesn't have any friends and her ex friends just wanted to get with her husband. she told me she was bi and i was like hey me too but im not interested in sex so that was cool. she ended up walking me home w her husband bc it was late which was nice, but they seemed really shocked i lived in such a nice apartment(i do, its expensive but my parents pay for it. im really privileged to be able to do that).

i saw her again today because she kept texting me about wanting to hang out, so i went for ice cream with her bc it was in a public place and i wasnt super comfortable going back to her apt with her. i paid for her ice cream bc she said her card wasnt working, nbd bc my parents have money and her and her husband aren't really well off. i said she could pay me back sometime, buy me ice cream or whatever another day, but she really fixated on it. she told me her husband thought i was cute which made me a little uncomfortable but i laughed it of, and then she kept talking about how she was bi and would date a girl and how she approached me not to date but to be a friend and then 'see where it goes.' she also told me she did porn online to make money which is fine w me, that she's on disability but that the money isnt really enough to live on, and that she'd been raped in the past and drugged which yanno a little overshare-y considering ive known her for three days but she really seemed like she needed someone to talk to and im good at listening. well her husband showed up out of nowhere bc he apparently tracks her phone and we all went back to their apartment bc i couldn't say no(im a doormat. i know) and she ended up giving me two pieces of jewelry in return for buying her ice cream which felt a little like overkill. i tried to refuse but she said she wouldn't ever wear them again so it would be fine. it was really kind of her but now i kind of feel i owe her back for them. the whole time i was there they seemed really eager to get me to move in nearby, and while its true that area is definitely cheaper my parents are really fine paying for my expensive apartment bc my tuition is a lot cheaper than my sibling's. she and her husband walked me home again, mentioning they might be going on a cruise in november if they could save up the money and that they could bring a friend. i said id almost definitely have school which they seemed to accept. they kind of seemed to want to see my place, but i told them it was really messy(it is) i have anxiety around having people in my space(i do) and that maybe they could come up another day and i could make dinner, and she told me she didn't like people cooking for her bc she'd been drugged in the past and that i could go over to their apartment again instead.

my parents think theres some really big red flags going on and i should try to break this off sooner rather than later. i pretty much agree. im not gonna ghost her and they dont think i should either, but that i should somehow return the jewelry in a kind way and tell her i cant really be super close friends. my mom had the idea to draw myself wearing the jewelry and then say i still have a memory of it but to return it bc i cant accept such a nice gift which i could try to do.

to be clear i am shit at communication and setting boundaries, im very aware of that, and most of this can be solved by telling her hey i can't accept this gift and im really busy for school a lot and im sorry i cant be as much as a friend as you need. but i still kinda feel like tah for leading her on almost and then breaking it off like everyone else in her life. ive been under a lot of stress bc of school and my stepgrandmother passing and trying to take care of my grandfather so trying to be friends with someone that seems kind of high maintenance is not really tenable for me.

so, wibta if i tried to let her down gently?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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deetz-ghuleh · 6 months

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You Will Never Walk Alone

─ Papa Emeritus IV Copia x F! Reader ─

rating: 18+ Mature | MDNI

word count: 1.4k

warnings/tags: SUICIDE ATTEMPT! , self-harm, angst, mental illness, depression, anxiety, pills/medication, comfort, some fluff.

PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS FIC IF YOU THINK IT MIGHT TRIGGER YOU IN ANY WAY. YOUR MENTAL HEALTH IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN A WORK OF FICTION.

a/n: At first I wasn't sure about writing this, but then felt compelled to complete it. This is a very sensitive topic for some, but I feel it’s something important to discuss.

This is my way of dealing with a dark period in my life where I almost lost myself, as well as a heartfelt appreciative thank you to this band. Ghost has brought a lot of us back to the light and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Please take care of yourself. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone. If someone you love is struggling, please let them know you're there for them. Sometimes all we need is a caring gesture. You are never alone. You are important and worthy of love. You are a survivor. I love you.

♡ If You Have Ghost, You Have Family ♡

AO3 link

tag list: @ghu-leh @baelzbu @sodoswitchimage @ghuleh-recs @bupia @onlyhereforghost

It happened gradually. It always did.

A pain that slowly, but surely, begins to consume you.

It feels like some sort of curse that has followed you your whole life. It was a vague memory when you were a child, but as you got older, the feeling settled in a dark corner of your mind, steadily traveling toward your heart.

It manifests in different ways - not eating regularly or getting enough rest; isolating yourself, indulging in unhealthy habits, pushing people away, and losing interest in anything that brings you joy.

And you are so good at masking, at acting like nothing is wrong. If they only knew. If only you let them in.

Not all days are lousy. Sometimes you feel a spark of happiness for a few minutes, days, a week maybe…

And then it vanishes - like a small withering flower, petals fading away into nothingness.

You had mentioned it to Copia a few times. He had confessed similar thoughts and feelings. He was a sensitive soul, it didn't surprise you. When he joked one day about being lonely, you began spending more time together. You didn't want him to ever feel the same anguish. You wanted to give him the same comfort and support he had graced you with. His thoughtful words, and his presence had kept the storm at bay, at least temporarily.

But tonight is different.

All of the built-up sadness rushes through your body like an untamed river, threatening to drown you in emotions so dark and monstrous they seem impossible to escape from. Years worth of agony come crashing down on you all at once. How long can someone take before they break?

You are so tired. Exhausted. Overwhelmed.

Your hands tremble with the pill bottle as tears cascade down your cheeks - your mind cruelly reminding you that no matter how hard you try, it will never get better. You will always feel empty. You will always be a burden.

It'd be better if you just disappeared, the voice says.

𓆩♡𓆪

Copia couldn't sleep. Something was wrong, he felt it in his gut.

He knocks on your door.

He had noticed a change in you lately - your distance, the polite smiles you forced yourself to give, a growing sorrow in your beautiful, expressive eyes. But he stayed silent for fear of pushing you away or making you uncomfortable. How could he have been so careless? You were close friends - he should have known, should have asked you. The guilt is so heavy it physically hurts him.

No answer.

His jaw clenches, his anxiety worsening. He hesitates for a moment before slowly turning the handle. Open.

The room is dark, the curtains drawn tightly shut, leaving very little light to illuminate the emptiness within. Copia walks towards the bed and sees you lying there… unmoving, almost lifeless. As he gets closer, he could make out a bottle of sleeping pills discarded on the bedside counter, and a trail of clothes on the ground. His heart sinks but he refuses to give in to the fear that is gripping him.

"C'mon, dolcezza. Open your eyes for me," he whispers.

When you don't reply, he sits down next to you and takes one of your cold hands into his warm one. Your fingers are icy and your pulse is weak. Tears sting his eyes as he realizes the gravity of the situation. It makes him sick to his stomach. It can't be. Not his sweet, kind sorella.

Feeling an odd presence, you move slightly. "Copia… " you finally speak, your voice barely above a whisper. You could only open your eyes halfway. Everything felt numb, the slow pace of death blanketing you in its embrace.

"I'm here, I'm here." He reassures you with a firm squeeze of your hand. Panic rips through his body. Swiftly, he stands, picking up the phone and calling for one of the doctors in the infirmary. "P-please get here as quick as possible! È un'emergenza (It's an emergency)!" His voice wavers. Saying it aloud made it even more real. But thank Lucifer below, you are alive. Shallowing breathing, but alive.

Burying his face in your chest, tears fall onto your nightgown. "Stay with me, bella. Stay with me. Ti scongiuro (I beg you)."

𓆩♡𓆪

The infirmary lights burn his eyes as he paces in the waiting area. It felt like his heart had moved to his throat. He had been waiting for what seemed like hours. If only this had been a bad dream, a nightmare he could easily wake up from.

He could hear the distant sound of footsteps. Dr. Benedetti, one of the Ministry's physicians, emerges from the room you were being treated in. Copia rushes towards him, his eyes filled with desperation.

"Dottore (Doctor), how is she?" he asks, his voice shaking.

"She's stable, Your Eminence. She will need lots of rest, and I recommend that she begin therapy sessions as soon as possible. We can also discuss medications that might help ease her symptoms. I gave her something to help her sleep." He replies, a look of sympathy on his grizzled face.

"Can I see her?"

"Yes, of course. She's sleeping."

With a nod of gratitude, Copia enters the room. Even though you're alive, he can't shake the thought of what could have happened if he hadn't found you.

His heart bleeds in his chest as he looks at you, remembering the fear he felt when he found you half unconscious. He pulls up a chair next to the bed and takes your hand, stroking it gently with his thumb. He removes his leather gloves, the need to feel your skin is almost unbearable as if you might disappear if he doesn't touch you. You stir mildly but don't wake up. He finds some relief in seeing your chest rise and fall with your breathing.

"Perdonami (Forgive me), mia cara. If only I had noticed sooner," he whispers, his voice hoarse with emotion. "Can you feel me longing for you? Come back to me."

His voice is far away, but you hear it.

He sees a single tear fall down the side of your face. You heard him.

"Mio cuore (My heart), you hear me, si?" You don't move, still frozen in your medicated sleep. He looks at you longingly before pressing a light kiss on your forehead.

Your body feels sore and tired, but you're aware of your surroundings. His kiss breaks through the fog clouding your mind. You open your eyes lightly and see his face, worry quickly turning into glee at seeing you awake.

"Bella!" He smiles, lunging forward to wrap you in a tight hug.

The warmth of his skin makes your heart swell with emotion. "I'm so sorry, Copia," you sob on his shoulder. "I hurt you. I shouldn't have. I-"

"Shh, dolcezza, please don't cry," he asks, wiping tears from your face. You didn't hurt me. I blame myself for not realizing how much pain you were in. Oh Satanas, I am just glad I was there to help you."

"You can't blame yourself. I-I am just weak." You turn your face to look at the window, feeling remorseful for breaking his heart in such a way. "I am-"

"Weak, tesoro? No, look at me," he grabs your cheek to meet his duochromatic gaze. "Why do you say this? No, amore mio, you are the strongest person I have ever met."

"Strong?" You stare at him puzzled. No one had called you strong before.

"Si, strong. The way I see it, tesoro, you have struggled for a long time, but you kept going. And guarda (look), you are still here."

That soothing voice once again consoles you, washing away any guilt you feel.

You let your eyes linger on him for a minute. He always had been beautiful to you, but now he looks positively radiant. He was a lifeline; a light in the darkness.

Copia leans in and brushes his lips against yours. It's a tentative kiss - he stops himself. You're so vulnerable, he shouldn't kiss you, he thinks. But it feels like he will burst if he doesn't.

You move towards him. "Kiss me, Papa. Please." His hand comes up to cradle your face, and he plants a delicate kiss. A warm emotion spills inside you, feeling his love enveloping you from within. "You will never walk alone, tesoro," he promises, looking deeply into your eyes.

As you indulge in his touch, the caress of his lips turns more fervent. And for the first time, you are brimming with a sense of joy, of peace, of hope.

♡

✦ 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗄 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝗈 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀. 𝗂𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖾𝗇𝗃𝗈𝗒 𝗆𝗒 𝗐𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 and want to support me, please consider leaving comments, kudos, or reblogging my posts. :) ✦

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sidebaxolotl · 4 months

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I have a question for you if you wouldn’t mind answering. I’m a lesbian and I’ve been considering turning to religion and being side b, but my main question is why would God want me to suffer this much? Why would He let me date my girlfriend for 3 years, all of which has been blissfully happy and feels totally right and good, if He really wants me to give it all up and break both of our hearts? It doesn’t feel like sin to me. We didn’t even sleep with each other until we’d been together for a year because I found it very hard to get over my shame and they waited for me the entire time. Isn’t there that verse about the fruit something brings? Being a lesbian has brought nothing but joy into my life. In fact, the only suffering it’s caused me is when I used to try to be side b. I don’t see why God would want that for me if He allowed me to be made a lesbian.

And to be honest, it seems like most of the side b people I know struggle a lot with being side b, like it doesn’t come naturally to them. I wonder how you reconcile that difficulty and pain with believing that a good God would want this for you. You could make the argument that Satan wants you to suffer and is causing your temptation, but if that’s the case why doesn’t God just fix it, if He’s all powerful? Maybe He wants me to have free will, but I’ve asked Him countless times to make me straight so it’s not like I want to be gay.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I just find this sort of thing really hard to wrap my head around, but I want there to be a good answer that I can hold on to.

Hey friend! To be honest I do understand where you're coming from. My relationship with my ex was one of the most wonderful things ive ever felt, and it did feel right and very good, unlike a lot of the sin in my life. Even now I struggle sometimes to reconcile that and I know if things hadn't ended so badly I'd be in your situation right now. I also prayed many times that God would make me straight (and for a while I thought it worked lmao). For a long time after The Breakup I struggled really hard with what to do, i was struggling with lesbian erotica/fandom content, wondering what to do with my faith, wondering if I should force myself to marry a man, crying out to God to curse Him or blame Him for my situation, for taking her away from me, etc. I fell into a very deep depression and was very close to unaliving myself over it (and other things). I had to go on medication for an extended period of time because I did not want to live. It was a really rough time in my life and I'm glad despite all the things that I said and did out of grief that I made it out of that period of my life with my relationship to God in tact. Letting go of sin, particularly sexuality related sin can be really hard because sin doesn't always feel bad. A lot of sin does and has immediate consequences, which makes it particularly easy to avoid/stop doing but a lot of it doesn't. We live in a world where sin has permeated the deepest reaches of our universe and our own bodies. Our own judgement apart from Christ cannot always be trusted:

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

So it might not feel bad or wrong(it still doesn't feel that way to me personally), but we know God is objectively good and knows what is best, so if He says its bad, then its bad. There are reasons for this, but that's beyond the scope of this post so maybe another time. What I will also say though, is that the Christian life is hard in general and suffering is guaranteed. The apostles suffered--many of them endured gruesome deaths for the sake of the gospel, and even Jesus, the author and sustainer of our faith was abandoned by his friends and made to unjustly die on a cross with common criminals. If the son of God, the prince of peace, could not escape this fate then neither will we. This particular passage comes to mind:

"But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps" 1 Peter 2

The thing about Christian suffering is that none of it is meaningless. Because of God's grace and mercy He can use something that was never meant to exist (suffering and pain) and use it to bring us closer to Him and help build us into the people we should be, emulating God's character and love. These are some verses about suffering in regards to faith that I've found particularly helpful or enlightening:

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" 2 Cor 4:16-18 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" James 1:2-4

And as Christians we know for sure our suffering is not eternal. When we shed this mortal coil we will never feel the sting of sin ever again. And when the New heavens and the New earth are brought to fruition we will experience life as it always was supposed to be. And even now my life isn't just suffering. I'm doing very well now. I'm no longer depressed, I'm off medication (with doctor approval). I genuinely love my life. I'm super satisfied with being single, i freaking love it honestly lol. And my relationship with God is stronger than its ever been. Being side b isn't always easy but it really is not a death sentence devoid of happiness either!

#if u need to talk or send more asks im all ears!!#prayin for ya anon!#answers #side b ssa #side b

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ot7stan4life · 9 months

Text

“Drunk-Dazed”

Yoohyeon (Dreamcatcher) x Female Reader

Word Count: 8265

Summary: Being a member in the debut lineup for HFE/Dreamcatcher Company’s new girl group is stressful for a number of reasons, but your increasingly complicated feelings for a certain tall brunette from your senior group rapidly becomes the main one when you’re shoved into a dark room to find her unbuttoning her shirt…

Warnings: angst, cursing, alcohol use, mild sexual content

This story features appearances of idols: Yujin (IVE), Yeji (Itzy), Heejin (ARTMS), & Yves/Sooyoung (formerly LOONA)

"C'mon, unnie," a voice whined, breaking my focus on the lyrics in front of me. "Give it a rest. You've been writing all day." From my peripheral I could see a pout on the brunette's face.

"I have not been writing all day," I countered, putting my pen back over my notebook page in the hopes that a line would magically come out of it. I had admittedly been working for a few hours and managed to write an entire song already. But this one still felt like it was missing something. That last finishing touch. And I couldn't leave until I figured it out. I didn't like splitting my writing sessions up; my songs have to be completed in one sitting, because I feared I'd be in a different mindset when I picked it up again and wouldn't be able to do it justice.

"Right, like eight hours isn't 'all day,'" the younger member mocked and I could practically hear her eye roll from her spot in the doorway. Her words caused me to let go of my pen and turn around in my chair to narrow my eyes at her. "Okay, maybe I was exaggerating a little..."

“‘A little,'" I muttered, spinning back around.

She rushed over, sitting on the bed next to the desk and grabbing my knee before I could pick my pen back up. "But I really think you should take a break." I paused to look at her for a moment, trying hard to resist. "You've been working a lot lately, even after practice hours... especially after practice hours." I forced a smile and shook my head, turning to the side to fight back a sarcastic laugh. "I'm serious, unnie," she said, bringing my eyes back to hers, "We're all worried about you."

I blinked as she stared back, completely serious. Had it really gotten that bad? I mean, our debut was nearing, so of course I'd been working harder these days. I often took time out of my breaks to work on writing and producing: perfecting the songs we planned to put on the album. But, that's what everyone does, right? That's what I was expected to do as an idol.

I sighed. Maybe I was going a little overboard. Shaking my head once more, I replied, "I'm sorry, Yujin." Taking a deep breath, I rubbed my hands over my face as I exhaled. "I didn't mean to make you guys worry." My lips turned down when my eyes met hers again. Sometimes I wondered what I did to deserve such caring members.

Yujin's warm, brown eyes shined in the lamp light as a smile slowly spread across her lips, exposing her dimples. "It's okay, unnie," she said, and suddenly launched forward, jumping on me and wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I laughed, still somewhat unused to her physical affection. She really did suit the role of maknae perfectly, always acting clingy and cute towards me like a puppy. "I know you're doing it for us," she whispered, making my chest feel warm.

There was a brief moment of silence where I allowed myself to appreciate the support and love I felt from the young singer on my lap. She probably had a million things on her mind being so young, away from home, and having pressures and expectations put on her that nobody her age should ever have to deal with. Yet, she still chose to prioritize me over all of it. The funny thing is, I was the oldest member, so I should've been the one taking care of her, not the other way around.

"This does mean you're gonna take a break now, right?" Yujin mumbled into my shoulder before backing away.

I laughed. "Yes, that's what it means." She giggled and stood up, pulling me up with her like she thought I might've been lying, still planning to stay planted in that chair for the rest of the night.

"Good, because your girlfriend invited you to a party." A voice from outside the room cut in, directing my eyes to the open doorway. There stood a muscular girl with golden hair pulled back in a half-up half-down hairstyle.

"Who, you?" Yujin replied, raising her eyebrows in disbelief, "Because last time I checked she was my-"

"I don't remember inviting Y/N to a party." Yet another voice interrupted the youngest member, appearing behind the blonde. She nonchalantly popped what I assumed was a peanut in her mouth, making her short, dark red hair flop to one side before she smirked and sent me a wink.

"Sooyoung unnie~" Yujin dragged out, whining at the red-haired member, "you ruined my line." I just stood there with pink cheeks as I watched the all-too-familiar scene play out in front of me.

"Blame Heejin, she's the one who said my name." Sooyoung shrugged, leaning one of her hands near the top of the door frame.

"She said 'Y/N's girlfriend,'" Yujin grumbled, clearly annoyed.

"Exactly," Sooyoung said, sending the maknae a tight-lipped smile.

"Uh, clearly I was referring to myself," Heejin butted in before the youngest member could get a word in. And, just like that, the room erupted into chaos, all three members yelling and arguing over each other.

If you had told me a few years ago that three of my future group members would be fighting over me, I would've laughed in your face, even if they were joking. And, yet, here I stand.

"Guys, guys please," I raised my voice loud enough to be heard over the bickering. Luckily they started to quiet down after getting their last remarks in and sneering at each other. "Enough with the joking-"

"Oh, you think we're joking." Sooyoung deadpanned, then looked me up and down in a way that made me feel weak in the knees.

"So is Y/N coming to Minji's party?" A fourth voice asked, completely oblivious to what just went down (or, maybe just so used to it that she had tuned the bickering out). All eyes landed on the brown and pink haired member like she had just exposed their secret.

"Yeji..." Heejin said disappointedly.

"Wait, I thought you were talking about Yoohyeon," Yujin furrowed her eyebrows.

"I thought you were talking about me." Sooyoung added, feigning cluelessness.

"Be quiet!" The other two members said in unison, only making the red-haired woman smile proudly.

"I was talking about Yoohyeon," Heejin explained. "It's Minji's party, but Yoohyeon's the one who invited us."

It took a moment to process, but once everything clicked, I shouted, "Yah! Yoohyeon's not my girlfriend."

"Right, and Sooyoung's not attracted to women." Heejin muttered, making the maknae bust out laughing.

"Yah, watch it, hypocrite." Sooyoung raised her chin towards the youngest.

"She's the hypocrite." Yujin giggled, pointing at Heejin. "And she's not wrong."

"You're all missing the point here," the blonde took over, turning back towards me, "Y/N is the hypocrite."

"I-"

"Nope. You get no say in this." Heejin pointed a finger at me and then quickly put it down. "We all know you like her."

"Yep," Yujin confirmed.

Sooyoung coughed before muttering, "Simp," then looked around like nothing happened.

Even Yeji was nodding in agreement and I knew, at this point, arguing was useless.

"So, about that party..." I smiled sheepishly.

"Ayyyy," a couple of them yelled and Sooyoung ran over to put her arm around my shoulders and drag me out of the room. Before I could regret my decision, we were all packing into a van on our way to our company building.

When we got to HappyFace, the members of Dreamcatcher had prepared more for their little impromptu party than we had initially anticipated. I honestly thought we'd just be sitting, talking, and maybe eating, but Sua had apparently insisted on making the practice room into a dance floor/party room. We could hear the music blaring the second we stepped out of the van. We all ended up laughing, expecting no less from a group just as chaotic as ours.

Soon after we went inside, the girls split up, going to eat or dance. I ended up staying in the main room, eating snacks and making small talk with Handong. I hadn't seen Yoohyeon yet and I wondered if she even came or decided to stay back in the dorm. I figured, since she invited us, she would at least make an appearance at some point.

My wandering eyes must've given me away, because Dongie suddenly said, "She's in one of the vocal practice rooms."

I played innocent, "What?"

"Yoohyeon," the pink-haired woman explained, "I know that's who you're looking for." The knowing grin on her face sent heat rushing to my cheeks.

"That's not what I-"

"She insisted on staying in there," she continued, ignoring my protests, "I think something's making her nervous," she drew out with a smirk, causing my face to darken a shade. "Maybe you should go talk to her."

"Uh..." I stared dumbly.

"It's okay, I know you want to," Handong smiled what seemed like an actual genuine, comforting smile before shooing me away, "now go."

I sighed, getting up and walking towards the practice rooms reluctantly. I didn't want to admit that Handong was right, but I did want to talk to Yoohyeon. Although, the thought of being in a room with her alone made me nervous. Even just making eye contact was enough to make me completely forget any language known to man, so this encounter was sure to end with me making a fool out of myself.

As I neared the rooms, I heard quiet humming leaving one of them and figured it must be her since the other members were elsewhere and no one would be using these right now. The humming stopped abruptly when I knocked quietly on the door.

"Come in," that voice I had grown addicted to said gently.

I opened the door slowly, seeing that her back was turned to me and her hand was holding a pencil as she wrote in her notebook. The scene reminded me of earlier today and I wondered if she would overwork herself when she got anxious like I did. She was wearing a loose, multicolored flannel, tight, black adidas pants, and her usual converse shoes. Her brown hair was freshly cut into a bob style and time seemed to stop for a second when she looked back at me. I hadn't seen her in person since she changed her hair and suddenly I understood why everyone was talking about it. She was breathtaking.

"Hi?" She smiled shyly, probably not expecting me. I stood there staring at her, still struck by her beauty... so long that she ended up giggling.

"Sorry," I shook my head, looking at the ground and internally cursing myself for the blush I knew was on my cheeks. "I didn't mean to interrupt. I can leave if you-"

"No!" She shouted, making my eyes widen and dart back to her. "I mean, no, it's okay." She looked away, but I noticed her jaw clench. "I was just finishing up anyways."

I nodded with a smile, endeared that she didn't seem to want me to leave. Though, I realized, she couldn't see it, so I replied, "okay."

A few seconds of awkward silence passed between us. We used to be able talk hours on end without ever running out of things to say. But, lately, there was a strange tension between us and it made me wonder what changed. I mean, I know what changed for me... I developed feelings for her. But what changed for her? Or was I just the one making it awkward?

"Did you happen to watch that scary movie I told you about?" I asked randomly, resisting the urge to facepalm for picking that, out of everything, as the topic of conversation.

Yoohyeon laughed, turning her head to meet my eyes again, showing off her smile that always gave me butterflies. "Yeah, I did, actually."

I returned the smile, touched that she cared enough to follow through with my recommendations. "And?"

"It was good," she shrugged, "I liked it."

"I-is that it?"

"Well, you were kinda hyping it up a lot so maybe I was expecting more from it?" Yoohyeon drug the words out like she was asking a question, probably too afraid to outright say she didn't like it because she didn't want to ruin it for me.

"Yah. It was so good though," I argued.

"Was it really good or do you just have a crush on the hot Japanese lesbian character in it?" She blurted out, making my jaw drop. How was I supposed to respond to that? "Mhm, that's what I thought. You totally have a thing for Japanese girls."

"No, I really don't," I defended, but she wasn't even listening.

"What's with that by the way?" She kept going, "It's like you don't even like Korean girls."

I couldn't help but laugh. Ironic that she was the one saying that. "You have no idea." I muttered.

"Oh really?" She perked up. Why did I say that out loud? "So you do like Korean girls?" She asked and then all-too-eagerly gestured for me to come sit next to her. Why was she so interested in this?

I sighed, wiping my sweaty hands on my pants before walking over. "Yeah." I sat down. Yoohyeon stared at me for a second like she was checking to make sure I wasn't lying. The way her eyes were carefully scrutinizing my face started getting to me. I couldn't take when she looked at me like that. "What?" I said shyly, pushing her shoulder so that she'd stop staring.

"What?" She repeated with a laugh. "I can't look at you?" A teasing smile made its way onto her lips. This wasn't a new occurrence. Although, it was normally me intentionally making her panic. Now it was more often the other way around. The more times I noticed I couldn't keep eye contact with her the more I realized that I had a crush on her.

"You know that's not it," I blushed, still looking away.

"Then what?" Yoohyeon giggled, shoving my shoulder back.

"It's just-"

"It's just what?" She leaned forward, wanting me to look at her.

I smiled in my embarrassment. "Nothing. It's stupid anyways." I glanced at her a second to see her watching my expressions closely.

"Well now you have to tell me." She grinned, using the phrase we always used to when one of us wouldn't tell the other something.

I turned my head to her. "It's just..." She was perched on the edge of her seat, so eager for what I had to say. And God, I wanted so badly to tell her. Maybe she was hoping I'd admit my feelings. But how could I know? Maybe I could just go the safe route and compliment her. After what we were talking about earlier, maybe she'd get the hint. "You look..." pretty? No, she hates being called pretty. Beautiful? Is that even any different? I can't just say 'good' and 'handsome' seems a little weird right now. Maybe 'attractive'... no that sounds douchey-

"What, I look ugly?"

"No! No, of course not," I rushed out and we both ended up laughing. "You look beautiful," I said, causing her to stop laughing and look at me.

When she realized I was being serious, she was the one to break eye contact. "Really?" She chuckled, her voice shaky. "I just got out of practice though," she brushed it off. "I think you're lying." She joked. I noticed she tended to do that any time we got serious like this.

"Really? I would've never guessed," I replied honestly. She seriously was completely and utterly clueless about how beautiful she was.

She met my eyes again, timid. "You're just saying that-"

"No, I mean, you look good in anything. Even your practice clothes." Her cheeks turned red and she laughed nervously while punching my shoulder.

"Shut up."

"Yah, I'm being serious." I laughed, pushing her hands away from me. "And I get why everyone likes your new hairstyle." She finally stopped attacking me and looked back at me. We just stared at each other for a moment and, as much as I hoped she realized I was being genuine, the sudden silence made me nervous again. "Really though. You look like a badass Black Widow or something," I finally broke the silence.

"Ooookay." She laughed and stood up. "Marvel nerd." She shoved me for the eightieth time tonight. "That's my cue to leave."

"Noooo," I cried dramatically, "don't leave me, unnie."

"Unnie?" She exclaimed with a laugh. "When have you ever called me that?" Before I could respond, she was walking out the door and turning off the light with me still inside. "That person's weird," she yelled back and I just imagined her pointing her finger back at the door.

Well, guess it's safe to say the compliment route didn't work...

About an hour passed and I hadn't talked to Yoohyeon any more. Some of my younger members had headed back to the dorm to rest and a couple others I had lost track of. Most of the older members started drinking and, with the majority of them being lightweights, let's just say... they were intoxicated. And Dreamcatcher + alcohol did not equal a pleasant mix.

I would find this out sooner rather than later when Sua came out of nowhere and started dragging me down the hall. I didn't have time to ask where she was taking me before she was pushing me through a doorway. The room it led to was dark with nothing but moving colored lights illuminating the surroundings and music blaring, similar to the practice room.

"Alright, we can start now," Sua shouted after closing the door behind me and running to the center of the room where a table was set up. Crowded around the table, I noticed Minji, Siyeon, Yoohyeon, Dami, Sooyoung, and Heejin, along with Sua.

Sooyoung saw me and made her way over, pulling me further in the room. "There you are. We've been waiting for you." Her words came out slow and a little slurred.

"What's going on?" I asked. "And are you drunk?" Just as I tried to scold her for setting a bad example as our leader, Sua's loud voice cut in.

"Alriiiight, ladies," she clapped her hands together once, "first up is... drumroll please..." The girls around me started making drumroll noises with their mouths or tapped on the table with their fingers. It was pretty dark, so it was hard to make out their faces, but they all seemed to be smiling like they were doing something they shouldn't be. Sua tapped on the device in her hand and then smirked. "Yoohyeon!" she said, making the room erupt into cheers.

I looked over just as the tall member put her hands over her face in embarrassment. Clearly she was dreading being picked and I wondered what could be so bad that she didn't want to do. Sua nudged the brunette forward a little towards the table. "The party Gods have chosen you," a slap sounded, making Yoohyeon flinch. From my time around this group, I had a good feeling it came from the dancer spanking Yoohyeon's butt, "start stripping." I nearly choked on my own spit. Stripping?? I knew these girls were wild, but...

Smacking Sooyoung next to me, I gave her a look that showed her how insane I thought this all was. "What did you drag me into?" I whisper-yelled, glad the music was loud enough and the room was dark enough to mask my panic.

"Just watch." She replied, much too calm for my liking.

Calm is the furthest thing away from what I was right now, and it only seemed to drift further and further out of reach as I watched Yoohyeon's shaky hands slowly start unbuttoning her flannel. One by one, from the bottom up, the buttons were let loose by her slim fingers, exposing a few more inches of her tan skin every time. Even with it being dark, the occasional flashing party lights danced across her torso, highlighting how taut the muscles were underneath her smooth skin. She wore only a tight, grey Calvin Klein bra underneath, making all the blood rush to my head.

Ignoring the hollering from her members and mine, she tugged on the sleeves and finally pulled the shirt all the way off. Dami grabbed it from her hands, but I barely even paid attention. I was too focused on her. My heart pounded in my chest as my eyes took in every inch of her skin: her strong neck, exposed collarbones, defined biceps, long torso, tiny waist. I nearly had to stop myself from stepping forward and tracing my fingers over the lines between her abs, it was so tempting. What I would give to just touch-

"You're staring," a low voice whispered to my side. I turned suddenly, growing embarrassed when I realized it was Siyeon who had caught me.

"And blushing," Sooyoung added, to which I responded with another slap on her shoulder.

"Am not," I defended, making Siyeon laugh.

"Wait 'til you see what comes next," the blue-haired vocalist teased, directing my eyes back to the shirtless girl.

My mouth went dry when she climbed onto the table and laid on her back as Sua stood over her. This couldn't possibly be leading anywhere good. Minji came from the other side of the room with a bottle of tequila and a few other items in her hands that I couldn't quite make out. Yep, this definitely wasn’t good.

"While Minji's getting everything ready, let's see who tonight's lucky participant is." Sua tapped on her device once more as the crowd started yelling again.

Yoohyeon looked anxiously around the room and I subconsciously scooted over so that Sooyoung was blocking her view of me. Meanwhile, Dami was helping pour a shot while Minji handed Yoohyeon a lime and started shaking something into her hand over the younger member's torso. When she was satisfied, she turned her hand over onto Yoohyeon's stomach and started spreading the white grains into a line down the middle, from the top of her bellybutton to the white band on her bra. Salt? Or sugar? Everyone else seemed to know what was happening, but I was growing more confused by the second.

"And, the lucky winner is..." the drumming noises picked up again and Sua seemed to drag it out longer this time. Her eyes glanced up from her phone to meet mine and a devilish grin took over her lips. Oh no. "Congratulations Y/NN," she mocked victoriously and somehow I knew from that look on her face that this wouldn't end well for me.

I froze, sure I was hearing things. I didn't even notice how Yoohyeon's cheeks had turned pink or that Sooyoung had walked behind me until I was being shoved towards the table. The girls in the room cheered, but I was hardly focused on them. Sua grabbed my arm, pulling me to the edge of the table and handed me something.

"What do I-"

"Drink this," she instructed, gesturing to the shot glass now in my left hand, "then all you have to do is finish it off with some salt and lime. It's that easy." Her calm voice nearly convinced me, but the hint of mischief in her eyes made me rethink. The laughter coming from the short silver-haired rapper confirmed my suspicions.

There's no way that's all I had to do. Then, my eyes caught sight of the white line trailing down the center of Yoohyeon's abs. Salt. Her hand hesitantly reached up to her mouth to bite down on the fruit Minji had given her. Lime.

Well, fuck.

I looked over at Sua in utter disbelief. All she did was wink and say, "Go get her, tiger." She smacked me on the butt, sending me forward and forcing me to catch myself on either sides of the table next to Yoohyeon's ankles. I was positioned right between her legs, giving me a sickeningly attractive view of her body. Suddenly my head started spinning and my gut twisted. Now I was sure I'd pass out.

I didn't have time for that though when the whole room started chanting, "One-shot! One-shot! One-shot!" Sua had turned her phone flashlight on as an impromptu spotlight, so that everyone could see what was happening. Looking down at the liquor in my hand, I tried to convince myself that it wouldn't be that bad. The alcohol would help, right? Isn't that why they called it liquid courage?

I felt a bead of sweat drip down the back of my neck as I looked back at Yoohyeon. She didn't dare look up at me and it made my fingers numb. What was she thinking? Did she want this? Would it make her uncomfortable? It definitely felt like it was crossing a line. What if it made things weird between us? But, then again, things between us are already weird...

Screw it.

The girls cheered even louder when I put the shot glass to my lips and tilted my head back, downing the entire thing. Not even a second later I started feeling the effects of the liquor. It was like lightning traveling through my veins, electrifying my senses and making my mind go numb. I wasn't at all prepared for the adrenaline rush it would give me and suddenly doing this didn't seem like a bad idea at all. I wanted it, after all.

Jumping up to plant my knees on the table, I nearly toppled over onto the girl now below me before I caught myself. The alcohol certainly wasn't helping with coordination, but it did make me feel a million times more intensely as I looked down at Yoohyeon. The image of her from this angle was so overwhelming that chills ran across my skin. When she finally met my eyes, her own looked nervous and unsure. In that split second, I raised my eyebrow at her in a silent request for consent that I hoped she would understand. When she raised her own back and looked down at her stomach, I swallowed thickly. She was challenging me.

My hand instinctively brushed my hair back as I lowered myself over her body, causing the overdramatic idols surrounding us let out a few pterodactyl screeches. I grabbed her hips over her black athletic pants, noticing how her hands gripped the side of the table in anticipation, and looked down at the trail of salt starting just above her bellybutton, watching as her stomach moved up and down with her lungs. Her heart must've been beating as fast as mine, she was breathing so heavily. The taste of alcohol still stung the back of my throat, begging me to replace it with something different.

Here goes nothing.

I took a massive breath in before placing the tip of my tongue on her skin. I was glad I had chosen to hold her for support because she instinctively bucked her hips at the contact. This reaction went straight to my head and I flattened my tongue on the way up her smooth stomach in the hopes that she'd do it again. The salty taste quickly became too much, but I kept going, not ready to chicken out just yet. And I was thankful I didn't when she inhaled sharply and arched her back off the table, forcing my nose to brush against her skin. My hands had moved higher on her waist to push her back against the table, allowing me to feel the goosebumps I had left in my wake. Once I finally managed to make it all the way to her bra, her muscles tighten underneath me because of what she knew was coming next and I could've swore I heard her whine when I pulled back.

Raising my head to get a look at her, I had to clench my teeth to stop an ungodly sound from leaving my mouth. Her neck was strained as she tilted her head back with her eyes closed and her teeth clenched around the lime slice between her lips for likely the same reason I was forcing mine closed. Or maybe that was wishful thinking and her body language was really alluding to her discomfort. The thought made me embarrassed for being so aroused by what had just happened. How could I be sure that she was enjoying this too?

By now, I had completely blocked out the people around us, only able to hear the blood pounding in my ears. Just being this close to her and feeling her chest rise and fall against mine made me feel like I was burning alive in the best way possible. So when she finally opened her eyes to let me see that they had now turned a shade darker, that fire burned even hotter. Maybe she was enjoying this. Her chin tilted upwards while she stared intensely into my eyes. It seemed obvious she was offering me the lime between her teeth, but something in her stare felt like she was daring me to do more.

I stayed there for a moment, just looking down at her, frozen. The nerves and doubts started to creep back in as I glanced back and forth between her eyes, almost forcing me off that table. Almost. But then Yoohyeon glanced down at my lips and cocked her eyebrow just like I had done earlier. The simple action felt like she was confirming that she was feeling everything I had been feeling and wanted me to keep going.

So, I slowly leaned down, feeling her eyes on me every second. When I reached the lime, my bottom lip brushed against hers, making her inhale through her nose and bite down harder. One of her hands darted to my jaw as I tilted my head to grab the lime from her with my teeth. She let me take it into my own mouth, watching as I bit down into the fruit, licking her own lips. The sour taste topped off my heightened senses, and now, all I wanted to taste was her.

With her bottom lip now caught between her teeth, she moved her hand to take the lime from my mouth. I allowed her to throw it on the ground and licked the rest of the juice from my own lips. Her eyes followed my tongue and stayed on my lips. After a few seconds that felt like hours, she put her hand on the back of my neck to pull me down and there was no doubt in my mind that she was going to kiss me. She didn't even care that other people were looking, it was only me and her ... except, it wasn't.

"Okay, enough fun lovebirds." Sua's voice rudely interrupted, bringing the rapidly escalating moment to a full stop. "Go get a room or something." She shoved me off of Yoohyeon and I would've fallen off the table had Sooyoung not been there to catch me.

I had been so invested in that moment that it felt like sensory overload when my hearing tuned back in to everything around me. Sooyoung held me up straight and shook my shoulders, trying to bring me back down to planet Earth. "Uhm, what the fuck just happened?!" She nearly yelled, pulling me to the side of the room, away from the table.

I looked over my shoulder to see Yoohyeon glancing back at me while Dami put her shirt back on her. The shiny line on her abdomen made me bite the side of my tongue, remembering the taste of salt and the feeling of her warm, soft skin underneath it. "You tell me," I replied, unable to pull my eyes away from the brunette. She was going to kiss me. The pit of my stomach tingled at the thought.

"Dude," Sooyoung turned me so that I was finally looking at her, "you're fucking crazy." I tried to ignore her, the last thing I needed right now was a lecture. Instead I tried looking for Yoohyeon, who, in the split second I had turned away, had vanished. "I don't think they were actually expecting you to do it," Sooyoung admitted.

"What?" I immediately turned back to her, now angry. "You mean they set this up as a... as a joke?"

"No it's-"

"And you let me do it?" I yelled, ripping my arm out of her hold and glaring at her.

"To be fair, I didn't think you would," Sooyoung tried to reason, but it was too late. Now I was overthinking everything. What if she wasn't really trying to kiss me?

"I gotta go," I said and walked to the door, not waiting for a reply.

"Wait, Y/N!" Sooyoung yelled after me, but I was already gone.

Feeling overwhelmed by embarrassment, I rushed through the company halls, hoping to escape this place before anyone could stop me. I was so sure of the fact that I had made Yoohyeon uncomfortable that I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself. She was my friend, why would I think that was a good idea? I should've known doing something that foolish would have repercussions. I was just so wrapped up in the idea that she might've actually liked me as much as I liked her. When, in reality, that was probably farthest from the truth.

Now I was sure things between us could never be the same again. How could I ever face her knowing how I made her feel? Maybe it would be best if I tried to avoid her all together. It might be tricky being forced to use the same tiny company building, but maybe I could manage it. I had to.

Ironically, as I paced down the hallway in my trek to the exit, the door to a vocal practice room opened to reveal the very girl I was desperately trying to evade. When she noticed it was me, her gaze was so intense that I felt the need to start spewing apologies as I tried to leave.

"I'm really sorry and I know you probably hate me now, so I'll just go before I make things wo-" She stepped forward and grabbed my arm, yanking me into the practice room with her. I could only assume she was angry when she slammed the door and turned to forcefully shove me back against the wall.

"Yooh-" I tried to apologize again, but suddenly her lips were pressing roughly into mine, catching me completely off guard. There was no time to react when she reached up to hold onto my neck tightly, whether for support or to stop me from pushing her off, I wasn't sure. All air left my lungs at the sensation and the desperation in her kisses convinced me it was the latter. She wanted this. Badly. And she wasn't going to let me be the one to stop her. Not that I wanted to anyways, even with how utterly confused this was making me.

The way her lips relentlessly attacked me, capturing my bottom lip, only to release it, push further into me, tilt her head a little in the other direction, and trade it for my top lip—like she was starved for a taste of me and couldn't get as much as she wanted quick enough—made my brain foggy. The veil of lust overtaking my mind only got worse when I started running out of air and it seemed apparent that Yoohyeon wasn't planning on letting me go anytime soon. I had no idea my earlier actions had managed to stoke the long-burning flame she had inside of her for me and now it engulfed her into a fire too hot to be put out.

As much as I would've gladly continued providing fuel—because the feeling of its irresistible flames now catching fire inside my own chest and spreading throughout my body was torturously addicting—my lungs burned painfully, begging for the oxygen she had stolen from them, and my tongue stung with the bitter taste of alcohol coming from her own lips. These bold actions struck me as uncharacteristic for the usually polite and occasionally shy woman and I started to realize she was likely acting under the influence, her intuition clouded by intoxication. This thought gave me the final ounce of willpower I needed to raise my own hands to her cheeks and push my thumbs against her chin to separate our lips.

"What are you doing?" I asked with a huff as my lungs made a violent effort to refill themselves, hindered by the strain my beating heart had on the amount of air they allowed in.

My eyes were blown wide while hers slowly fluttered open, hooded with lust once they met mine. Our lips were still just centimeters apart and somehow looking at her now had me more panicked than when she was practically on top of me, making out with me. Seeing her features up close and knowing that it really was her who initiated this (and I wasn't in some sort of lucid dream) was almost too much to handle.

"I've wanted to do that for so long," Yoohyeon whispered, biting her bottom lip as if to savor the taste I left on it and leaning impossibly further into me so that our noses were touching as she stared into my eyes. It was definitely too much to handle.

Even with just one sentence, I started doubting everything. She's wanted to do this for a long time. Meaning she's thought about it multiple times in the past, but never acted on it. Meaning she might actually like me more than a friend. Except the faint smell of alcohol on her breath still itched at the back of my mind, unwilling to be ignored. People do plenty of things they'd never do sober once intoxicated. It clouds your judgement, blurring the line between what's right and wrong. So, what if it was just the alcohol talking? What if she didn't really mean it? If anything, she was probably just drunk and horny and I happened to be in the right place at the right time, making her feel feelings that weren't actually there before she started drinking.

Yoohyeon seemed to grow impatient as I stood there, frozen in my internal battle, unsure of how to proceed. She didn't need my go-ahead anyways, she was going to decide for the both of us. And that decision manifested itself in her fingers trailing up the length of my neck, weaving themselves into my hair at the base of my skull, and her tongue taking advantage of my parted lips from the gasp her actions had elicited, swiping across my own without warning.

Feeling helpless and mildly pitiful from how much of a mess she had managed to make me within the span of a few seconds, all I could do was blindly reach down to clutch her slim waist for support. Though she seemed to take it to mean something completely different when she hummed and pressed herself against my right thigh. With her legs on either side of mine, I nearly lost balance, forcing me to pull her waist further into me. My thigh consequently put pressure against the spot between her legs, causing her to let out a high-pitched noise into my mouth.

Oh my god.

Was she really this turned on? Had I made her this turned on? No, I couldn't handle the thought. It was too much. Even if everything she said was true and she felt all these things for me, it was wrong to let her go on in this state.

"Wait," I mumbled when she pulled back for a second, but she ignored me, kissing my bottom lip with such force that she might as well have been biting it. At that thought, images of the lime clenched between her teeth from before flashed through my mind and I caught myself wondering what my lip might've felt like there instead.

Her steady rhythm of swiping her tongue into my mouth and finishing by closing her mouth and capturing my lips before pulling away to do the same again was slowly driving me crazy and had my brain picturing scenarios between us much worse than her simply biting my lip. With the way her hands started dragging down over my collarbones on a clear mission to get a feel for what was hiding under my clothes, I knew she was likely imagining the same. I needed to stop her before this got too far out of control.

I took advantage of the fact that her fingers were no longer holding onto anything to use my own to push her shoulders back. Luckily she didn't immediately crash back into me this time since she had finally run out of air completely. We both inhaled and exhaled heavily and her nose found it's way to bump against mine like she still couldn't stand not touching me. I allowed her a second to open her eyes and when I saw them dart back to my mouth, I rushed to put my thumb over her lips. Her gaze flitted back up to my own and, despite my attempt to calm her down, she seemed to like it a little too much.

I moved my thumb down so it was resting on her chin instead and whispered, "we shouldn't be doing this."

Yoohyeon grabbed my hand that was holding her face, wrapping her thumb around my own. "Why not?" She whispered back, raising her eyebrow and sending me a look that I knew was dangerous.

"You're drunk," I answered, my voice a little louder this time. It became clear to me that nearly everything I had been doing and saying she took as me trying to turn her on. But this wasn't some game I was playing. Not anymore.

"I'm not drunk," she stood up straight and, as if on cue, wobbled backwards as she lost her balance. I was able to pull her in by her waist before she could topple over. "Okay, maybe a little," she giggled, making herself comfortable again with her arms wrapping securely around my neck.

I glared back at her as a warning, but the smile brought on by her laughter remained on her face, showing off her dimples. My attempts to make logical decisions continued to dwindle and fail. The more I tried to think everything through, the realer it became. And the realer it became, the more I realized that this might be the only time I'd ever get what I truly wanted. Her. That thought alone was enough to make me give up any attempts of stopping her. Of course, it didn't help that she was also playing the part incredibly well.

In that moment of internal debate, while I was busy convincing myself to stop her, she was busy getting lost in my eyes. "I like you," she admitted so quietly that I almost didn't hear it, making my heart stop all together.

Damn you, Kim Yoohyeon, for being so convincing. For these feelings spilling out of me like a hopeless romantic who can't help but hang onto your every word, even in your drunken state. For stealing my heart and holding it right out in front of me, reminding me who’s really in control of it. And for doing it all so easily, acting like you're totally oblivious to the hold you have on me.

But, then again, maybe you were, and that was the problem.

"You don't really mean that," I stated, practically begging that she'd just agree and drop it right there so I could stop holding onto hope. I was so tired of questioning every single thing she did and said. Couldn't she just bury it for good?

But, no. "I do," she insisted. Like her kisses before, she seemed desperate to prove it to me. It had me wondering for a moment if she was as dependent on me to validate her feelings as I was on her. But I quickly shook the ridiculous thought away.

"No," I sighed, "Yoohyeon-"

"What's that saying?..." she trailed off, ignoring me again, "drunken thoughts are sober words." Her eyebrows furrowed, "wait no. Sober thoughts-"

"The fact that you can't even form a coherent sentence right now is really not helping your case." I tried to sound serious, but I couldn't stop the hint of a smile gracing my lips. One more thing to add to that list: damn you for being such a cute drunk.

The brunette pouted, and her brown eyes shined in the hallway light peeking through the door, making her resemble a puppy dog. Case in point.

"I want to believe you," I told her, no need whatsoever to fake the honesty in my voice, "but you're obviously not in your right mind." I couldn't be sure she was really listening intently like she appeared to be, but I was just glad she had given up on her attempt to quiet me with more kisses (well, not entirely glad, but, you know). "I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

When I was finished, Yoohyeon whined and buried her nose in my neck. "I hate that you're such a good person sometimes." I squeezed her sides, pulling her closer so that her chest was flush against mine. I could feel her heartbeat, just as unstable as mine from earlier.

It was still proving incredibly difficult not to let go of reason completely and allow her to continue doing whatever she wanted to me when she was being like this. So many times in the past we had only joked about anything to do with relationships, always tiptoeing around the dangerous waters of our feelings for each other, but, this was the first rare moment where she was finally bold enough to dive headfirst into them. And, with her next words, she pulled off her last final trick to drag me down under the surface with her.

"Cause all I can think about is you on top of me on that table and the way your tongue felt against my skin," she whispered in my ear as her lips teasingly brushed across the sensitive skin just beneath my jawline.

Oh my god, I thought, except this time it left my mouth and had Yoohyeon giggling before her lips began claiming their territory on my neck. Though, it was less a cute giggle and more an evil one, like she enjoyed saying such explicit things because of the reactions she could get out of me. So much for being a cute drunk.

The sensation of her plump, velvety lips sucking down on my skin was slowly overriding all the thoughts in my mind. "I really need to take you home," I said, more to remind myself than to tell her. She hummed and I felt her smile against my neck. "Not like that," I tried to explain, but it was obvious she wasn't really listening. "Hey," pulling her away from me, I tilted her chin up so that we stood face to face once again. She gulped, looking up at me like she was completely innocent. "You're probably not even gonna remember this," I said under my breath and shook my head.

Still, I took a deep breath and looked back at her. "I like you, too, okay? And, God," I leaned into her, resisting the urge to feel her intoxicating lips against mine just one last time, "I want this more than you could possibly know." The obvious desperation in my tone made Yoohyeon smile proudly. "But I don't want this to just be a drunken mistake that you regret in the morning." Her lips turned down into a frown at that.

Really, knowing her regretting this was a distinct possibility hurt. A lot. And now I was thinking maybe it would be better off if she did forget this whole thing ever happened. "So you're gonna let me take you home, and if you still feel the same way in the morning, then maybe we can talk." For once, I could finally tell the sentimental look in her eyes was genuine and not another one of her deceiving tricks. "Deal?"

Yoohyeon pressed her lips together. "Deal.”

A/N: I might write a continuation to this. Haven’t decided anything yet. Lmk what you think :)

**This imagine was converted over from my Wattpad account @ OT5Stan4Life**

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peachypede · 3 months

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Hi all.

I haven't been happy lately. I've been thinking a lot about why. Had a little meditation on it this morning. I think my brain is too busy. I've decided to take a break from Tumblr for a week. Possibly more if I feel like it.

I'm deleting Tumblr off my phone for now. Mutuals can still message on Discord. I'm a sahm, I'll go crazy with zero human interaction other than children lol. (If you're a mutual who doesnt have my Discord and you want it, feel free to DM to ask for it. I got notifs on for Dms on Tumblr on my tablet only)

...

There's this constant pressure, almost need? To churn out as much "content" as possible or be buried in the past. Idk if it's just me not being able to do art normally? I used to draw for myself. I used to be self-indulgent. I used to be fine with only my closest online friends seeing my art. I don't know what changed. It makes me feel ill that ive begun seeing my art as "content" that others "consume". I wanna make my art for me again.

I stayed up till 11 pm last night despite having to wake up at any time to feed the baby. Idk why I did it? Maybe I need a med change? Meh.

I've also just been discouraged. I've seen a lot of posts filled with hate lately and I feel like it's infecting me with hatred too. I'm angrier lately and I hate it. (Is there a way to turn off the "for you" page?? Cause all it gives me is bad takes lol.)

I think I need time to be me? To draw art without feeling like I should post it right away. Also it'd be nice to make art without thinking: "what will get the most notes?" I've wanted to do a project with my ocs for months now but I kinda have been putting it off in order to make stuff I think people would like more...like Submas stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love our submas boys and I'm still gonna draw stuff with them but they're not the thing I'm most passionate about now.

So I'm gonna go explore that stuff now with zero social media influence :)

See ya later. ❤️

#peachy rambles #vent post #Idk if it counts as a vent post ???

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altermay · 5 months

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Tw/ transphobia, discussions of dysphoria, brief mention of suicide, descriptions of child abuse

Getting unbearable. Feeling sick. Started working to afford hormones only to find out the service that is most accessible to me (plume) doesnt offer T in alabama anymore due to changing laws. Fuck all these stupid politicians putting their noses in others lives.

Thought people at work wouldnt make a super huge deal, as I was selective with who I told, so i thought maybe I could hold out a bit longer and at least i wouldnt have to feel so dysphoric all the time, since all my coworkers knew me as Monte. But then instead of my name, people who would usually call anyone else by their name started calling me “Miss” and “maam”

Even the ones I had come out to, and even the ones who told me they were accepting.

Whatever, im from a small rural area, so transphobia is not new to me, what is new to me, however, is being openly trans in an unfamilliar environment. I thought I could start T quickly and maybe people would ever forget that im trans in the first place, but now its been so long.

Some people call me He, and use the right pronouns, but increasingly lately Ive received a myriad of transphobia.

Being called tranny loudly while my coworker kicks my broom as I try to sweep (kicking hard enough for the broom to almost leave my hands and hit another person behind me) , Getting called “it” behind my back. Stuff like this is becoming more common.

The two coworkers who called me it, have been spreading lies about my work performance these past five days, Ive been told my three different people that every time I leave to go do something they start talking badly of me. So I got to my breaking point, at this point it had nothing to do with the pronouns, I was just upset that two forty+ year old adults were purposefully making my job harder to do while I was also struggling with a ton of other stuff (ptsd, seasonal depression, a family members recent suicide) and so I couldnt stop crying.

Despite this situation having nothing to do with me being trans, they are now trying to spread the narrative that Im just being sensitive because they were misgendering me while they were borderline bullying me.

If I was not trans, people would take me seriously on these issues. But now, because I am upset, suddenly Im just a stereotype. A sensitive trans person who is offended because someone used the wrong pronouns a few times.

I will be one to say, I do not give a SHIT about my pronouns. Ive been called the wrong ones my whole life by a majority of people. That was never the issue. But because Im trans, that is the only issue people can perceive for me to have. The ONE issue I had with them regarding my pronouns was them calling me “it” and thats not because its the wrong pronoun, thats because its DEHUMANIZING.

But now I have other coworkers who know NOTHING about the situation saying shit like “well if she claims shes a man maybe she should suck it up” “well if she wants to be seen as a man maybe she shpuld cut her hair”

Fuck you. How about YOU get beaten for 17 years, YOU watch your siblings get beaten near to death for 17 years. YOU have flashbacks of things you dont understand all day every day and we will see how fucking well youre able to “suck it up” you are WEAK. YOU ARE ALL WEAK. And you dont know what its like to be me. My mother tried to kill me. My mother almost killed my sister, I was neglected, never went to a doctor, and I STILL dont know how to take care of myself. And I still havent recovered all of the memories.

Ive had SHORT HAIR ive had LONG HAIR Ive had a MOHAWK, ive had a BUZZCUT ive been BALD. And people STILL fucking saw me as a woman. Im tired of conforming to this bullshit just so people can treat me the same as they always do

Fun fact though, since Ive had long hair Ive been gendered correctly by strangers MORE than I have with ANY OTHER HAIR STYLE.

These stupid fucking transphobes and their stupid fucking stereotypes im so fucking sick of it all. And corporate wont do anything about it, Im sure of this.

Why is it so hard for me to just live my fucking life.

Im so sick of it all

#vent #tw vent #tw transphobes #transphobes #transphobia #tw suicide mention #suicide mention #abuse #child abuse #neglect #tw abuse

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dazed--xx · 8 months

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What are your favorite Hyunjin five you’ve read?

Lol this is a long list but if you’re asking for series then my favs are (in no particular order)

Watercolor by @jinhyun ( ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH THIS SERIES!! Lol and the writer knows it. I will recommend this to literally everyone if I had to choose a number one of my favs this would definitely be a contender. Female lead is cute and determined and Hyunjin….JESUS Hyunjin made me want to put my head through the wall at one point but he was literally just adorable after certain events. It’s so good full of Fluff angst and then occasional smut but not really a lot so good.)

Star lost with you and Only fools fall for you by @hyunjinspark (this counts as one cause it’s the same writer 😭) (I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS ABOUT ONLY FOOLS ITS LITERALLY AMAZING AND FRUSTRATING AT THE SAME TIME. Full of angst and smut if that’s your thing I really like this fic cause I’m in love with the enemies to lovers trope it’s so well written and I just can’t get over it. STAR LOST is still being written and the last update made me cry 😭 it draws you in and has so much going on I’m so invested like these people are real)

The guy next door- @jl-micasea-fics (so one of my favorite movies in the entire world is the girl next door and I could tell off rip this has the same concept. Love Hyunjin in this yet I just absolutely hate porn names lol 😂 only thing that makes me cringe is the porn names but you have to have that in this it’s amazingly written and heartbreaking and ugh you’ll dream about Hyunjin tbh 😭)

Jealousy is…. And Goodnight moon by @whatsk-poppinhomies(jealousy is…is the first part goodnight moon is like the second part it’s so damn good) (THESE ARE YANDERE FICS AND THEYRE THE BEST ONES IVE EVER READ DONT ONLY READ HYUNJINS READ THEM ALL THEYRE SO FUCKING CAPTIVATING AND UGHHHHHHHH IM LITERALLY OBSESSED WITH THIS WRITER AND YOU SHOULD JUST CHECK OUT ALL OF THEIR WORKS BUT THIS SERIES MAKES YOUR HEART POUND AND GIVES YOU LIFE ANGSTY AF AND THE GUYS ARE WALKING RED FLAGS BUT YOU BECOME SO OBSESSED WITH IT THAT ITS OKAY)

Maybe it’s not our fault by @cosmic-railwayxo (incomplete 🥲🥲🥲 unfortunately but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth the wait if the writer gets back to it it’s so good. Exes au tbh and I love it so much there’s so many misunderstandings and heartbreak yet there’s fluffy warm moments ugh you’ll be rooting for them for such a long time and always find yourself looking back to see an update cause you have to see what happens next. I love every character in this and idek why they’re so compelling and just make you feel so many things)

Lol as you can see I couldn’t just pick 5 fics so I picked 5 writers 😭 but I find myself just enjoying a whole bunch of stuff and there’s one fic that I literally can’t find it’s older and about hyunjin but I think the writer deactivated it’s my fav fic and I’ll describe it for you but I wish I could link it cause it would be my legit number one but it’s about a struggling relationship with hyunjin he’s been distant not answering calls texts and the reader decided she had enough so she asks to take a break and he begs her not to, that he wants to be with her and he’s sorry so she gives him a second chance. Her best friend is Chan and there’s multiple parts to it. At one part they go to some party or something and hyunjin gets jealous she was hanging out with Chan so he makes it seem like he was flirting with some girl and the reader sees and storms out Chan gets rightfully pissed and tells him he fucked up for the last time and ugh it’s so angsty and good they do end up together but I can’t ever find it but I hope you enjoy reading those if you haven’t and if you have lmk which ones you like

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mouthfulloftoothpasterry · 1 year

Note

Vet Harry rambles ?

SORRY IVE BEEN MAKING YOU WAIT FOR SO LONG BUT I FINALLY POSTED IT UGH IM SORRY :((

Okay so first of all

Y/n loves his little hip chub ☹️ like ugh

The little hip chin he’s got from only surviving on eating whatever is the daily pastry (he’s literally giving mouthful of tooth pastry) at the bakery across the street

And she pinched at his little hip chub and bites it

And he just whines and giggles because it tickles but he secretly loves it :p

And he’s so the boyfriend who is balls deep in her but still asks “do you like me though???”

Like not to get all sad but I definitely feel like based on his personality and other random things that in the past people haven’t treated him the best so in relationships he’s very insecure about stuff like that

So she constantly has to reassure him that she really does love him, and then he apologizes for it but she doesn’t mind, she likes reminding him how much she loves him

And y/n’s family is obsessed with him

Anytime he is around her family it’s just hugs and smiles all around

The little kids love him because he shows interest in their games and asks if he can play, and because he knows a lot about animals

And the adults and older adults loves him because he’s so sweet and always there to have a conversation without there being awkward silences

And I KNOWWW I’m getting ahead of myself because this is not happening any time soon!!!

But I can’t stop thinking about how sweet Harry would be when she’s pregnant.

I imagine she probably moves in with him since he has a big town house, and maybe after their baby I’d a year or so old they move into a cute little house together

I can definitely see that same angsty trope we see a lot where y/n gets super insecure during pregnancy happening to them

But this time Harry also gets super insecure and he’s like “she’s gonna leave me because she’s got that amazing pregnancy glow and now she’s going to have a super cute baby by her side and everyone’s going to want her 😢”

And pregnancy sex kind of… absolutely blows his mind

He loves having the bump to rub and more hip chin to grab onto when needed

He especially liked how sensitive and reactive she is because sometimes he tends to get a little ahead of himself and get a little crazy and then he has her a whimpering pile of mush in his arms

And when she is working harry is SICK

Constantly calling her “remember to take breaks, don’t wear yourself out walking all over that hospital. Just stay with the babies today, don’t leave the NICU at all. Sit there and coo at the cute babies.”

And when she finally takes maternity leave he is so relieved oh god

But while she’s pregnant harry is always running out to the little bakery across the street

And he claims it’s for the baby so they can come out with a sweet tooth like their daddy so they can take little trips to the bakery together

But it’s really so he has an excuse to buy a bakers dozen of their raspberry lemon muffins

But he also loves going out to grab whatever y/n is craving

And she obviously knows a lot about pregnancy and babies since she is a NICU nurse

So she’s like “H, if I’m craving sugar I should probably just have some fruit. It’s really good for the baby, you know. I need to get my fruit and veggies in now more than ever.”

“I’ll get you a slice of apple pie! It’s mainly apples.”

And he is ALWAYS talking to her bump, constantly kissing it and rubbing it and singing to it and just rambling on about anything and everything

“And then when I was feeding Muffin today he tried to bite my hand because he thought I would pour the food into his bowl quicker but he was sadly mistaken because then I winced in pain for a couple minutes to make him feel bad just so he could learn a lesson and not bite his daddy.”

“Harry are you done?”

“No, my story isn’t over yet, petal. Then Muffin felt really bad. Maybe we should keep the names the same Oreo, Muffin, I think we should name the baby… jelly bean.” (That was random but it’s about to be Easter so that’s the first thing that popped in my Harry’s head)

And from then on they nickname the baby jellybean

They got so tired of calling the baby “it” or “they” with nothing else to call them because they have not picked out a name, and because it felt a little impersonal to them

So now the baby was “jelly bean”

“How’s the little jelly bean doing?”

“Did our little jelly bean keep you up all night”

“Wait, petal, you know what I just thought of? Now you have a jelly belly. Isn’t that so funny?… get it? Because a jelly bean brand is named jellybelly.”

And even once the baby is out they are still “jelly bean”

They hardly bother called the baby their real name, even though they picked that name for a reason and love it, jelly bean just felt more natural for them and it was the affectionate nickname they used for half a year

And once Harry has to leave to go back to work he’s so upset “why can’t I just take my jelly bean with me 😞 they can come see the puppies and the little kittens.”

“They have two huge puppies here. I’ll call you on your break so you can see her, I’ll send you photos, I’ll let you know all about the horrible dirty diapers and spit up I’ll have to deal with once you’re home.”

Okay that’s really all the thoughts I have 😩

Let me know what your thoughts too 🤭

#harry styles #vet!harry #Harry styles fluff #harry styles headcanon #Harry styles concept #harry styles smut #harry styles x reader

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qumiiiquinnquin · 4 months

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im scared to tell my psychiatrist i tried to end myself twice within a month (sep-oct). i dont know why i am. i have to call the office myself since im an adult now, but im really scared making phonecalls. i have to do it because its been since april that ive seen my psychiatrist but i have to do it. i dont know when ill do it, im too scared. that fear frustrates my family a lot. i feel like im already a failure of an adult and will continue to be like that forever.

today was mostly good, just uneventful until this evening. but now im feeling depressed and i want to cry until i cant anymore, but i cant cry, so i just feel bad. i dont feel tired so i dont want to sleep, but its almost midnight so i should soon. im feeling stressed out about needing to call the psychiatrist's office, so i dont feel like i can relax at all.

ive just been feeling bad a lot lately but thats not new, i say think that to myself every other week or so. whats making me sad the most right now is hating my art. i dont have any confidence in my art but i want to get better, but i dont think i ever will. i will always have mediocre talent, no matter how hard i try. i keep thinking about burning my physical art and either deleting my digital art or just even destroying my laptop, though the latter is very excessive, but i still think about it every now and then out of frustration. i want to give up but i really dont know what else id do, ive always drawn since i was very little, its always made me happy. i really want to not care how upset stopping would make people, including myself, but if i dont stop out of just purely giving up, i probably will stop because i k!lled myself.

every day is feeling the same, it even felt that way when classes were still going. i got so used to the schedule that i got used to the systematic cycle. i partially dont want classes to start again because of that, its boring and the amount of work is stressful, im just going to go back to breaking down and nearly attempting from stress and lack of confidence that i can really do this, that i can really power through and get the degree i want. i keep getting told im smart and always work hard, but that really doesnt mean anything now. being and doing those things doesnt suddenly mean that because of those things, ill survive the stress. it only actually makes it worse, like im ridiculous for feeling the pressure and have the mental health collapses that i do because of college, that im not trying hard enough and am lazy.

for some reason the desire for love has been on my mind and i dont know why, youve seen the pathetic longing things i say about romance. right now i feel like i am missing out and am a failure by societal standards for not even have dated in my life, and i still dont have a partner at 18 years old. i feel extremely lonely to the point that seeing other couples makes me depressed, which is probably selfish of me. i feel like and believe now that i will always be alone. i know i am not beautiful to anyone, i know i am not funny, i am not interesting, im a pain in the ass, im too much to deal with and am just unlovable in general. i hate feeling this way, i never cared about romance or relationships and have always been repulsed at the idea of me ever being loved romantically or being in a relationship. i feel stupid. i feel like a jerk. i feel like i deserve to be alone forever, and i really do. or maybe, just end myself, if im so unlovable in every way, then why not just weed myself out? whoever takes my place will be much more worth it than i ever could be. its so stupid thinking about myself d*ing from a broken heart. "just grow up, sad excuse of a grown adult." (in quotes because its a direct thought to myself towards myself, nobody else)

i really doubt everything will get better, ive felt this same exact way for 3 years now. sad, burntout, stressed, like im nothing but a problem for my family, a burden and waste of time to be around or talk to or care about. i did attempt once in 2021 but failed, obviously im still alive. i really want to try again. im really scared of pain, so im trying to find the quickest way or the least painful option. if i just call, i can get different meds or a different dosage and i wont feel this terrible. im so childish for an adult to be unable to make a fucking phonecall. i feel like next year might be it, im not sure why i get that feeling, but i dont have any reason to keep going. im not looking forward to anything. nothing is really that fun or exciting, i just try to distract myself. i know im not wanted, and im too difficult for my family.

its now a half hour after midnight because im incapable of shutting the fuck up. i might just lay down and watch youtube or cry myself to sleep, whichever happens first

#vent #tw sui ideation #tw sui vent #tw sui attempt #long post #well this escalated fast #i am useless and pathetic. i am going to remain this way forever. the only way out is to just disappear i think. im tired of being alive

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neoarchipelago · 4 months

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tw for rape and sorta mentions of suicide (just basically saying kys in context ) for those very sensitive or triggered by these!!

but like i went through all the posts i could find and they never said anything bad about non con or dubcon she said rape fics were bad- and the point of her being a “hypocrite” for writing dubcon confuses me as why would someone who didnt support that stuff write it? it doesn’t make sense to me. i understand not liking her point on the kys bit but you guys got really hung up on it and completely missed the point of it about literal rape being romanticized and used as a fetish, not noncon and the likes used as a coping mechanism. it breaks my heart to see especially from people i supported and enjoyed a lot and got me into this community supporting rape. ive dealt with lots of sexual assults and have been raped myself a few times starting from a young age and let me tell you, its horrible. me and my boyfriend do get quite rough at times and do indulge in things like noncon- something that is used to cope and can help- and it is so much different than actually being raped. if you like it rough and dirty trust me girl i completely get it but actually being raped is the most demeaning, violating, and live devastating things that can happen- not to mention the other physical side affects of it. not trying to spread hate, maybe i should be for supporting it, but im more just sad? like seeing a community im so into and my biggest comfort character ( who also has dealt with rape) supporting and defending it all just feels like a betrayal and so debilitating. so many of my safe spaces have been ruined in a physical and metaphysical sense and it just reminds me of the sa when i was a teenager and other boys on my team (i was raped and abused by multiple wrestlers as i was the only girl in the sport in a very large state wide tournament hosted by my school) joking about it and making it not serious not taking me serious and sexualizing the whole situation and thinking i was lucky for a chick. just sickening and heartbreaking to see and the worst throwback thursday ever.

Hi love. First of all, I'm truly sorry of what happened to you. No one should ever have to go through that and you are truly amazingly strong.

Thank you for sharing your point through respect and calm.

I'd like to throw you back to this essay that explains my point of view here. Of course, it's understandable if you don't accept it. I'm not here to convince anyone on this. This is sharing a point of view.

Here, hoping that you fully understand.

This will however be the last time I'll debate on this subject, further comment or anons will simply get a copy paste.

THIS CONTAINS SA , SH AND SEXUAL CONTENT, BE CAREFUL

I- dub-con, non-con and CNC kink in fiction.

A- the place of these themes in fiction and how it separated from reality.

I think the line has to be drawn. A line people seem to forget too easily. Obviously, rape is a horrible thing. This fact has never been refuted in any fics or novels or books. No writer will ever tell you, ‘rape is awesome and soooo romantic’.

Fiction is absolutely fiction. We are aware of it. There's a big difference. This obviously something readers choose to read being aware of fiction. Being aware that the real thing is horrible. Warnings and tags are always there to avoid readers unaware of it.

B- the differences with other themes

One thing I've been asked is what kind of difference writing rape is from writing dub-con or even pedophilia?

On dub-con, the line is blurred. Softer, protagonist may be in a path where the sexual action is wanted but blocked by the mind or pushed to it by the other protagonist, forcing their own need to give in. It is still seen as rape as consent is not fully given. There's not much difference from non-con. Writers usually use this tag to avoid any triggers to people.

For pedophilia, let's see this in a more details. I think we can all agree that all these themes, dub-con, CNC, non con, always involve adults. Whatever it is the kink, or in stories, it’s adults. Adults who are aware of what sex is and what this kink it. Children should never be near any of those themes. It's not about kinks anymore, children don't have kinks.

II- the reality of voicing your opinion on internet

A- SA victims and SH victims, sexual shame

Now there's something we need to talk about. Writing theses themes are used by many as a coming mechanism. SA victims may often use these writings to help the aftermath of these events in their own life.

In the kink itself it's something that obviously causes a lot of shame towards people who are not part of it. But many things need to be said. It's a need for a control of a situation that is dangerous and traumatizing. It's a sign of truth with your partner. Fiction is a way to live that fantasy in full safety as they are clearly aware of the truth of that situation in real life.

Now the thing that has started this whole conversation was the ‘don’t forget to tell rape kink writers to off themselves’.

It is not a small detail. Not at all!

This is where fiction is separated from reality. You are telling a real person to commit a real act that could lead to fatal consequences.

Obviously I think we’re all aware that many people on this website suffer from depression, self harm tendencies and bullying. I do too. Your words matter. Trust me. We’ve seen it with Inquisitor’s death while a live TikTok.

Many other tiktokers who had helped not only spread rumors but bully the creator only realized their mistake once he killed himself.

This is a no turn back situation.

Do you think you have the guts to wake up in the morning, knowing someone killed themselves because they wrote something you were against? That you are the reason they died? Their families are grieving?

You can find an article on the CNC kink here:

-https://www.choosingtherapy.com/consensual-non-consent/

B- respect even through anger

We have established one thing. The internet is a wild, free universe. Anyone can say or write or post whatever they want.

You are free to voice out your opinion, anger amongst these binary and servers. But one thing that is not ok is the way you say it.

A point doesn't need to be full of hate or threats to be said. Especially when serious consequences could be blown by it.

Everyone has their opinion, things they don't like. You are free to avoid tags, not read, block people. Protect yourself first. But attacking isn't protecting yourself. You’re simply causing another kind of harm.

People need to own up to their words and actions.

If you tell someone to kill themselves, it's horrible. It's an actual crime. A full crime.

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hopelesslyromanticshark · 4 days

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hey cove! as a poc moot I feel like maybe I should pitch in also?

first of all anyone who's been accusing you of being intentionally uninclusive needs to understand that trying to guilt someone who has expressed a real interest in changing things instead of advising them will not solve the issue, just exacerbate it. they aren't offering any meaningful criticism, they're just yelling at you without offering any suggestions, which serves 0 purpose

I also get why you're hesitant about not wanting to go too far in the other direction and end up stereotyping in the name of inclusion! you value your work and don't want to give it the hallmark treatment, which is very fair of you and a much better way of writing than just resorting to tired tropes for the sake of points

I also understand why the original anon was frustrated, and I'm happy you came to an agreement with them, because you made it clear that you can see what they were talking about and didn't dismiss anyone out of hand. secondary poc ask that mentioned preferring a nonspecific reader over tropey writing hit the nail on the head in my opinion actually!

what people need to understand is that trying to be inclusive by pulling out tropes is still alienating, just in a different way? alienation by omission is what happens when you're constantly left out, which is why people like og anon feel like they're not presented equally.... but on the other hand, stereotypical writing also frustrates us because it feels almost careless, that you're treated as an afterthought who can settle for anything.

and you're aware of this, which the hissing gollum anon needed to understand! you know how disrespectful that would be so you hesitated, and the phrasing was enough to set them off, which is ridiculous because they weren't civil with you themselves.

all told I feel like your need for a break is valid, and you need the rest from tumblr for a bit to gather your thoughts. I also feel like most of your poc audience agrees that more nonspecific descriptions are the way to go, especially because you don't feel like you can suddenly switch up your writing, and you acknowledging that and wanting to try is good, whether bridge troll anon thinks so or not

i know this is very long and a bit rambly, but I feel like you deserve a more mature response than what some people have been plying you with lately (also, some of the characters you are writing for literally are poc themselves....? they're acting you've done nothing and it's so strange.)

anyway, I hope your break treats you well! and remember, it is an option to turn off anon asks if you feel like it. stay safe out there and good luck with the sem!

— aru

firstly, i appreciate you voicing your opinion!! there is nothing more comforting than to hear from those who are actually in the community!!

something that i LOVE that you pointed out that i didn't even realize is the fact that they added NOTHING TO THE CONVERSATION!! all they did was criticize me without backing up your claims or even voicing your opinions in a constructive way. i learned nothing, except that youre a dickwad.

i do regret the way i phrased it, but i was legit trying to keep the mood light because that ask had been stressing me out for a few days...like, dry heaving shaking and just completely frazzled. so, i acknowledge that there were better ways i could have phrased it, but i was like two days deep into the most stressed i'd ever been in my entire life, so im cutting myself a little slack lmao.

everything you said in this is perfect, perfect, perfect. so eloquently put while also tearing those shitty ass anons down.

ive def thought about turning anons off but i feel it would be unfair to those who use it in a respectful manner for their own peace of mind. but its def something i've been considering bc ALL the trouble i have is with anons, from illegal requests to all this junk now. but idk idk

#return to sender ౨ৎ #all my love ౨ৎ

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unearthlychild34 · 4 months

Text

I am sometimes smart enough to be able to outrun myself. What a gift.

I have had plenty of people ask me why I hold to my religion in an era when it is becoming passé. I can give lots of pretty reasons, ones that are true and that I even believe, ones I think are enough to satisfy them. I was raised in it, it provides a kind of structure I find valuable, society is better when we believe in principles like love, hope, and justice, even simply that I think it’s true.

Then we get deeper, the things I rarely admit out loud. I’ve seen too much to ever successfully shake it off. As Flannery O’Connor and Graham Greene wrote, I know any attempts to outrun it will only circle me back around. Because at its heart, Ive had too many moments when fate could, or perhaps even should have ended differently. Ended with me being dead. Over and over and over again.

As much as I wish it was selfless, at its heart, I am haunted by the idea that I shouldn’t be here, and I need to understand why. There has to be a why. Especially on the nights when my continuing to live feels like a mistake.

Ive spent my whole life being able to see too much, know too much, feel too much. Everywhere I go, I feel like a harbinger, an omen of doom. It is not doom I create, but I continually find myself situated in places right before chaos breaks out, as old things die and new ones must be born out of the still-screaming ashes. I talk to people who have loved people, places, and institutions which have supported them their entire lives, out of which they build families and identities and homes. I can’t understand what that must be like.

Ive been told before that I have a gift for prophecy, of a kind of intimacy with God in communication. It’s rarely felt like a gift.

I recently found a blog which pondered the relationship between God and his prophets. How they often wished for death, an end to the burden. They wondered if this is why God came down, to find out why these beloved ones wanted to die. If he too grows tired of himself sometimes. Im certainly tired, but I don’t know of what.

People ask me what I want from life. All I can do is scream “meaning” into the void and politely smile as I respond “Oh, you know, Im young, Im not really sure.” Because Im not sure I’ll find it. Im falling in love with a woman who suffocates under the mere idea of organized religion as I consider pursuing seminary. I want to go back to school but know my body can’t handle it, my heart can’t handle it. I might go anyway. Im working a job that lets me see beautiful sunrises, be active and work with my hands, but also meaningfully engage my mind and do something genuinely valuable for my community. Someone else would do it if I didn’t. Maybe I could accomplish more as a college professor. Maybe I could accomplish more as a stay-at-home parent. Maybe I could accomplish more if I devoted my life to research, or wrote inspiring books, or worked in a nonprofit setting. Maybe this is the most good I’ll ever do, right here and now.

Maybe I’ll die tomorrow. Maybe it doesn’t actually mean anything. Maybe my existence is both anomaly and unremarkable, and my continuing presence here is also unremarkable. Maybe everyone is better off without me anyway.

But Im not ready to accept that. So all I can do is keep telling myself that I believe in love, hope and justice for a reason. That it does have meaning. And if God does get sick of himself sometimes, that only means that he understands why I feel so nauseous tonight. And maybe I will someday find that meaning. Maybe not. But I won’t find it if I don’t look.

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mejomonster · 5 months

Text

So ive been trying to note writing styles as i read lately, to learn maybe how to improve the way i write to more of the result id like to have and also to notice what i like or dislike. What ive liked so far:

im not the only writer in the world who changes fucking tense so my inner-critique should shut the fuck up please, many authors exposition dump or do a quick tell sentence for unimportant quick transitions and frankly both these techniques work well and serve functions (examples i read recently: priest gives a lot of exposition actually, meanwhile brom gives less and may write more like me and both approaches i Enjoy, In The Dark's author does quick Tell sentences to move the investiagtion since evidence collecting and traveling To case ijterest points isnt ncessarily the focus - the scenes AT those locations and scenes figuring Out those clues are more key...and i realize many mystery plot novels and shows do this to move the pace better and focus on the most important scenes), i realized some authors do rely heavily primarily on just Dialogue-Action information and little else (which in my head for my own writing i guess i had thought i could only do for plot outlines not actual full scene writing) and some do give exposition or inner world reflection but only in key instances (Observations by janon does this minimal inner reflection then used for impact more in certain moments and does it Well, versus Murakami who i love who... extensively uses inner world perception and thoughts and that definitely reflects in how often i similarly fall into doing it).

I realized some authors do creative weird shit where grammar breaks, quotes and references to other stories are used, where the entire scene becomes purposefully cojfusing and prose practically turns into poetry in how Feeling suddenly takes over as the goal of the writing instead of clarity. Again Observations does this (with some beautiful moments and quotes), and Murakami loves doing this shit sometimes (and i love doing this too but often reign myself in out of worry im doing Too Much rule breaking). Theres authors like Suzanne Collins that write in present tense (i love present tense), theres ursula le guin who utilizes em dashes and i probably got my sentence style from her long ago, i like stephen kings descriptions a lot (and to a degree i hope i try for similar things).

Ive realized that while i miss how concisely i wrote a decade ago, compared to my long winding chapters now, and i admire writers who stick to primarily dialogue-action cause wow i wish i could it looks easier... i also would like to try putting more exposition in since some of my favorite writers do it more than me. And i realize i like my particular way of describing things in stories. Sure, just action setting descriptions would be easier. But like... im still not sure where i picked up the way i describe stuff. But i like how i do. (My guess is maybe Murakami or stephen king but i am not quite sure to be honest).

Like.

These bits are rough and im probably going to do sigmificant changes one day in editing. But i quite liked these bits of my writing ive done recently:

Khan's eyes are like two golden suns, burning through the hesitant guard, as if to consume. / Maybe Khan had always known. As he sat there, crumbling into the wooden floor, his face sinking lower and lower as it grew damp. / "I'm sorry," Misery had said, in the end. Over and over / Danny's in the water, fumbling deeper and deeper and resolutely ignoring the coldness seeping in, as the boys at the shore laugh and shout words he's no longer hearing. / The blossoms were frosting now, as she'd expected. Little specks of white glazed across them. Like the white scales of the god Tajin, the white knuckles of the man beside her as he kept himself from shattering the stone ledge against his palms.

#rant #mejo writing

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