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#meds make me too tired to think hard
minuet-blue · 1 year
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and so it begins
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saeshiraw · 9 months
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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toytulini · 3 months
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god my executive dysfunction is so fucking Bad lately
#toy txt post#so many tasks and dont want to Do anything and like on the one hand Theyre Not That Hard it wont take THAT long i have plenty of time#on the other hand#it will take like 5fucking hrs and if it doesnt i will find a way to make take 5fucking hours and all this and i still havent eaten#enough for breakfast but like??? what am i supposed to waste energy on actually cooking something?#man i love eggs but i think maybe id actually struggle if i had chickens not cos id get tired of eating eggs but cos#all the low effort ways to consume eggs gross me out and the ways i like are not THAT high effort but its too high effort to be#an everyday thing for me :(#okay i have gotta stop thinking about the State Of Things. and figure out a nutrient dense thing to eat for breakfast thats quick and easy#and that i actually like to eat. but also i maybe want coffee so i should not have a clif bar. augh#IT IS 3PM. FUCK. I FUCKING WOKE UP AT LIKE 9!!!!! AND TOOK MY MEDS EARLY AND I STILL END UP NOT DOING FUCKING ANYTHING AT ALL TIL 3PM#i hate this i need to like#fully reset. i need to go to bed at idk. 9pm and wake up at like 5am and get dressed and go out fucking early i hate this!!!!!#i hate !!!! not fucking functioning!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!#i need a therapist or smth but like one that will find a way to word shit so that it doesnt piss me off and make me want to pettily not do#things that would maybe help#agh#i have been trying to get better about#doing my physical therapy at least
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orcelito · 1 month
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Omfg I never actually posted about this but just like 2 days ago I realized that no it is Not normal to experience lightheadedness near daily when I've gone just a little too long without eating
I looked it up and apparently lightheadedness/dizziness CAN be a part of fibromyalgia (which I think I have for a number of different reasons), so like. It all makes sense.
Fuckin fibromyalgia. It's the source of like 95% of my physical problems, I swear. Every Damn Thing can be traced back to it. What a pain.
#speculation nation#'what a pain' haha get it bc chronic pain#frankly speaking the chronic pain part of it isn't the Worst. it's only a few times a month that i get my arm and leg aches#(though sometimes ill have bouts that last longer. like in january i think when i had arm aches for over a Week)#then again my rib cartilage inflammation is a permanent thing. my ribs Always are fucked up.#and i dont know 100% that it's bc of fibro but this condition has been linked to fibro and it didnt go away with anti-inflammatories So#in the end the pain isnt my biggest concern for treating my fibro. aside from the frequent headaches. i Would like to counter those.#what i really need is help with my chronic fatigue and weakness spells#i hate how fragile i feel so much of the time. bc im NOT weak. for my size im actually surprisingly strong.#but im quick to tire and if i push myself too hard then im practically bedridden#i will literally get symptoms of sickness if im too fatigued. including nausea and coughing and headaches#all fixed after ive gotten some rest. so im not Actually sick.#im tired and fed up with how finicky my body is and how i have to eat on time always or i'll be threatened with passing out.#havent passed out Yet but ive had some times where i end up Having to sit bc i get tunnel vision and my scalp is prickling#and it feels like my brain is squeezing and i know i Have to sit down Right Now#idk. there are many things like this. and i am sooooo tired of it.#i want a fibro diagnosis so i can actually get some help for the things that make life so hard to live.#im not depressed im just chronically fatigued. and so very tired.#give me some Energizing Meds or smth. help me please 😭😭😭 i hate living like this 😭😭😭😭😭#i wanna be able to do things without being bedridden for the rest of the day 😭😭😭😭 please 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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robotic-maid · 10 months
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How things are going again… update I guess? Still can’t figure out how to read more on mobile. I’m just typing this out so it can leave my head.
#nights are really hard for me#mornings are also really hard for me#I think my jobs burning me out#and I haven’t been able to sleep very well much at all#I’ve only been getting 3-5 hours if I’m lucky because my nightmares are really bad so I usually just stay awake#I mean I have to get up at 4am anyway so what’s the point#do you know how it feels to be in pain but you can’t cry because your body’s grown so used to it?#so it feels like crying because it’s Wednesday again#which I can’t justify because tommorrow is Thursday and that is your new normal#your new normal is working so hard you don’t have the time to see your dog and your cars ac is out and you spend all your money on the room#you sleep in 15 minutes away from the office you are stuck at more than 11hoirs a day#you ask your job to adjust your schedule and they say they can’t without cutting your hours and you need the money to survive#it’s too much#but feeling this way or not feeling this way won’t make a difference because the only other options will make your living situation harder#I’m so tired but I don’t have any better options right now so I have to keep waking up and working#I feel horrible spending time with me friends because I get tired after an hour and I worry that I’ve become#too flaky or something#I can’t stay up late and I’m already stressed out so I just can’t keep up with everyone and I don’t want to be a drain#I wish my heart would just stop some times#my meds stop me from hurting myself or crying or sleeping too long but these feelings always come to me when I wake up#I’m disappointed I woke up again#I don’t want to keep doing this I don’t know how long I can keep going#my body is breaking down like my car is breaking down#I don’t want to keep doing this I need more than a day off work a week I want to see my dog I don’t want to be poor but I don’t want to#wake up just to spend all day in an office getting yelled at while my coworkers come in and leave before me#I know I can do this I know I need to keep doing this I know there’s nothing better for me than this#I shouldn’t say these horrible things out loud because they’ll just wear me down faster#there’s nothing that will help me I need to help myself#this is en endurance test and I need to keep it up because if I fail I will lose so much more than I have#I wish I could cry I wish I could break down and scream but what would be the point? it won’t help it won’t fix anything m
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majorshatterandhare · 7 months
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I started a piece of art today which is based on some plant species* that I think would be good to colonize Tim in @gunpowder-tim’s headcanon of the Persephone Tim headcanon; so it’s art based on a headcanon of a headcanon of a headcanon 😅 [sweat simle emoji].
It’s gonna take a long time I think, but I am planning on posting it here even though it’s just gonna be plants and no Tim (because I am much better at drawing these little doodle plants than drawing people).
*so the art is basically of real species we have on Earth, but I maintain that they wouldn’t have the same plants on the City, so in my brain his plants are just similar to these ones.
#i don’t know if i should main tag this. thats always hard for me to tell#persephone tim#i am taking a break now because for some reason it took me almost 4 hours to paint some ghost pipe.#i am researching more species too. im looking at a lot of liverworts. but they are ‘obscure’ enougb thats its not always easy to find if-#they are parasitic or not. i know *some* species of liverwort are. and depending on how im able to draw them i might include non-parasitic-#species because i need the space filled a particular way#im also tired because i stayed up until after 6 am and then didn’t take my sleep meds (because it was 6 am)#oh there’s also gonns be some mushrooms included#ive explained it before but basically the fungus being an intermediary is a thing we see in real life (although not between plants and-#animals afaik) and it makes sense because fungi are closer related to animals than to plants.#now i suppose thats not necessarily true on the City. because we dont know if they are homo sapiens or not (this would make possible-#implications for the other life on the plant). however for now I have no hcs regarding that. its easiest to go with their life works the-#same as ours. but their species are different if for no other reason because of evolution (over time)#well thats whats easiest and most interesting and fun *to me* which i realize is because i am a biologist and happen to also crave as much-#scientific accuracy as possible. but thats not everyones cup of tea. not everyone wants to spend hours searching about different parasitic-#plants to choose one for this and learn about how they interact and what not. probably *most* people wouldnt think this hard about it.#and that’s okay too. if you like to make up your own plants whole cloth and not worry about it aligning with realy world biology. thats-#okay too. do what you like.#(unless you are a tv/movie/book/etc which is supposed to be set in our world on our earth. YOU CANT MAKE APE/WORM HYBRIDS! for crissakes)#hope its okay i tagged you gunpowder-tim#also sorry to everyone for how much i ramble in the tags. i have adhd and keeping 1 try of though is nigh on impossible#like this: nigh means near. so nigh on impossible is nearly impossible. but one way of defining nigh is approaching. then its approaching-#impossible. which makes me think of math. ‘as x approaches infinity;’ ‘as y approaches impossible’#there have a little language and math too with your dose of spec bio explanation#(the ape/worm thing is a reference to an early x-files episode that i have complained about in tags before)
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groupwest · 9 months
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that was horrid
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daz4i · 10 months
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when ww said "this is not my life, I'm no survivor, i only happened to survive"
#he gets it he really does.#hate when ppl call me resilient or are proud of me for surviving shit. girl i did not do anything to be here now. in fact quite the contrary#i am permanently in survival mode and I'm trying so hard to turn it off. but mostly in 1 direction and not the one most ppl hope#sigh. I'm tired man 😐 i just started new mood stabilizers and I'm anxious as fuck#(well. not new. i was on them before when i was a teen. can't remember why i stopped tho)#the whole trying new pills is depressing bc well. there's p much nothing left for me to try#i had a call with her this week. i mentioned it i think. but most of it was trying to figure out if there's meds i never tried out there#the only other one we considered to maybe replace my current antidepressant is very new to the market aka she doesn't know what it does yet#so. instead of replacing. adding stabilizers and hope they don't make things even worse (but lbr they probably will)#I'm very close to giving up yet again. idk what there even is to give up on anymore. my life is nothing with a side of void#but giving up is the only thing i know how to do. I'm too anxious to do anything else. i don't know how to do anything else#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh really wanna cut rn but i already have some wounds on my hands and arms + I'm in enough pain as is so what's the use#vent#i should sleep. idk if i can. I've been trying all day and failed. I'm so tired#i wish i didn't wake up man 😐 i wish i died. tonight#suicide //#not really but implied ig#self harm mention //#ask to tag
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thethingything · 2 months
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ended up working on it for a bit and mostly did some more lighting and shading stuff again
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I'm trying to make the sunlight on the left side feel brighter and more like actual sunlight than just warm-tinted diffuse light. admittedly I don't think it looks like there's a huge difference between the before and after images here
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toastsnaffler · 4 months
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urghhhh..
#dr has given me a choice whether to try a different long acting (elvanse) or a short acting 2-3x daily (unspecified) instead of concerta#i dont knooow. long acting is more convenient for me bc i work long days and dont rly wanna have to take meds in w me#plus my lunch break has to be flexible so itd be hard to be consistent abt taking a 2nd short acting dose in the day..#but also long acting is more likely to mess w my sleep like concerta did innit.#well i dunno. ik ppl have different responses to each so we'll see. itd probably be good to at least have tried both#ill make a decision and let her know tomorrow im too tired and irritable to write any more emails today#sorry for going on abt this stuff so much typing just helps me think#also i think part of the reason i had such a bad time on concerta is probably bc when the acid reflux got rough i took rennie to deal w it#but antacids actually interact w stimulants lmao i did not know that and it wasnt in the info i was given. well.#would be nice if it DIDNT give me acid reflux and nausea in the first place tho... and i dont think i can tolerate either of those-#without my best friend rennie anyway so i guess it just wasnt to be#im leaning towards elvanse first i can always try short acting if it doesnt help i guess#and then possibly non stimulants if that doesnt help either. its not the end of the road yet ive just been dramatic abt it..#sighs loud enough to blow down a little pigs house. okay im gonna chill in bed and sleep early tonight i procrastinated sleeping too-#much yesterday and thats probably why ive been so irritable today yeurgh. love u guys byebye#.diaries
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thebibliosphere · 2 years
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"But you're so successful without it."
Content warning: This post contains mentions of suicidal ideation.
I got a message earlier tonight that I'm not going to post, but I did ask the person involved if I could talk about what we subsequently ended up talking about in DMs because I feel it's important.
Basically, it was along the lines of "My kid got diagnosed with ADHD and really wants to try meds. I know from reading your blog that correct treatment for ADHD can be really beneficial, but I just don't think she's severe enough to need them."
The message then went on to ask me, as someone who is unmedicated with ADHD, for some tricks and tips on how to be successful without medication because clearly, look how well I'm doing without them. I mean, look at my blog, look at my book(s)! Surely if I can do all that without ADHD meds, other people can too. Surely there's a trick. A skill. Something you can learn if you just try hard enough...
This is not the first time I have received a message like this. In fact, I probably get about 2-5 messages like this a week.
Usually from other people who also have ADHD/suspect ADHD but don't want medication because they don't think they need it/don't want to need it, and yet can't figure out why they're struggling so much, and ask me how do I do the thing(s) and cope so well and get so much done, etc., etc.
So I'm going to tell you what I told this person tonight in case it helps someone. Yes, I have ADHD. No, I am not medicated due to severe health complications, and yes, I get a lot done. From the outside, I am sure it looks incredibly productive and successful. But I'm going to let you in on what that success feels like.
It feels like dying.
It feels like my brain is on fire; every nerve in my body scraped raw; every part of me wired and exposed to the noise of the world. There is no quiet; there is no calm. And even when my brain does fall silent, it's another kind of death. The inside of my head is sludge, flowing uphill like treacle, weighing me down, pulling me under in the riptide of my inability to focus. I can see what needs to be done, I can see it so clearly, yet sometimes it's like I don't control my own body. Not enough dopamine. Not enough brain chemicals for the message I'm screaming in my head to make my limbs do the simplest of tasks. Like, feed myself. Take a shower. Answer that email. Text my friends back. Go to bed when I'm tired. Write a best-selling novel...
A novel that almost killed me and not because of my other ailments, but because of my unmedicated ADHD.
I didn't realize it at the time, but I was already operating at critical mass when I went into final rewrites/edits. Every coping mechanism I had fell apart. Like training wheels falling off a tricycle, leaving me to wobble unsteadily until the main wheels fell off, swiftly followed by the handlebars until all that was left was me peddling frantically trying to keep my balance and not getting anywhere. I didn't realize it then, but I was heading towards a complete mental collapse. And even when I dragged myself across the finish line with the above and beyond help provided by my friends and editors, I was so burned out I couldn't enjoy my success. Worse, my success made me suicidal.
It took me until very recently, almost two years later, to be able to read Phangs without feeling suicidal. My brain associated it with the trauma of experiencing complete ADHD burnout but having to complete a monumental task anyway.
I had to go into intensive therapy to recover. I am still in intensive therapy for it.
It took me even longer after that to be able to sit down and write without harming myself. I still struggle with it, and I tell you this in all honest sincerity in the hope it makes you realize what it costs me to be "successful" and unmedicated.
And this wasn't the first time I've had to deal with this, either.
I struggled all through high school, all through college, all through every career job I ever had, knowing there was something wrong, but not quite being able to put my finger on it because hey, I still got stuff done, so it couldn't be that bad, right? Surely everyone went through life feeling this way? Right?
...right?
It wasn't until I got my ADHD diagnosis as an adult that I realized what was happening. Why I struggled so much. Why life was so hard. In many ways, it was like the sun coming up. An internal dawning of realization and acceptance, but also rage.
So much rage.
Rage at how much I'd had to struggle because no one noticed because I was quiet and undisruptive. Rage at a system that forced me to learn in ways that were not intuitive to my brain. To always being told, "doesn't apply herself" while it felt like I was clawing my brain apart trying to do what people wanted from me. To a work-life balance, that rewards all the things that make ADHD actively worse. Rage. So much rage it hurts. And to top it all off, I can't be medicated for it. I finally know what's different, I finally know why my world feels raw and turned inside out, and I can't take any of the medications that might help me.
Do you know how angry I wake up every day that there is a possible solution just within my grasp, but my health conditions prevent me from trying them? Do you know how much it hurts? How much I grieve for the person I could be if I was able to have help beyond therapy and coaching? How much happier I could be...
Not productive. Not successful. Happy.
So ask yourself, what do you want more? A child who has to go through all of this and resents you for prolonging their suffering? Who winds up hating themselves by internalizing the false concept that if they just try hard enough, they can do whatever they set their mind to.
Or do you want to help them?
Or if this is you, why are you afraid to help yourself?
Please, don't use me as an example to harm yourself or others. Yes, I am successful without medication. But the toll is high. Too high.
Rid yourself of the idea that you need to suffer more to be allowed help. You don't. They don't. No one does.
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daisynik7 · 9 months
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Give You Blue
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Epilogue
You are my universe, my everything, my sunset. You still give me butterflies, my lullaby. You are everything I wanted.
Pairing: Eren x f!reader
Word Count: ~2.6k
cw: switching POVs (reader is second-person, Eren is third), fluff, established relationship, smut – PIV sex (cowgirl position), cunnilingus, face-riding, spit play, pet names (sweetie, honey, sweetheart, princess, good girl, baby) 
Previous Chapter
Give You Blue Masterlist | ao3
Author’s Note: Just an excuse to write a little bonus chapter about these two! Fluffy, adorable, and happily in love! Also a little smut added to the mix. Thank you everyone for reading this story all the way through the end! Love and appreciate every single one of you. What a journey this has been. Likes, comments, and/or reblogs are appreciated, as always.
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It’s 11:45 PM, New Year’s Eve, fifteen minutes before the start of the new year. You leave your family gathered downstairs to head up to your room, shutting the door quietly, tapping your boyfriend’s contact on your phone screen. 
Eren answers after two rings. “Hey, cutie. Hold on.” There’s shuffling, like you’ve been temporarily put in his pocket. In the background, you hear him announce, “Mom, I’m pretty tired. Going to bed now.”
“But you’ll miss midnight!” she responds. 
You hear his dad chime in. “Let him, honey. He can make his own decisions.” There’s a hint of bitterness in his tone that even you can detect on the other end of the line.
Your boyfriend lets out a nervous chuckle, muttering a quick, “Happy New Year.” There’s more rustling, then sounds of steps going up stairs, ending with a gentle thud of a door closing. “Sweetie? You still there?” he asks, finally alone. 
“Yeah, I’m here.” You smile into the phone, sitting at the edge of the bed. “Hi.”
“Hi,” he greets back. “It’s so nice hearing your voice.”
“I feel the same way,” you reply, falling back into the mattress, gazing up at the ceiling. “How was tonight?”
“Oh, you know, the usual: My mom cooked too much food for three people and my dad has been sneaking little jabs at me. Nothing new.”
Eren officially changed his major before the end of the semester from pre-med to education, a huge weight lifted off his shoulders while a tinier one replaces it, aka his father’s overall disapproval. Dr. Jaeger stood by his word, threatening that he would no longer support his son financially once he made the switch, to which Eren has been preparing for. He has two new on-campus jobs lined up for him at the start of the new semester, along with the weekly music session at the elementary school Erwin Smith’s dad works at. The first week of winter break, he was ready to apply for a few loans to help him throughout the rest of his term. Then, to his shock, his father approached him, informing him that he will actually continue to pay for his education, on the condition that he graduates with outstanding grades and a job guaranteed. Eren’s sure it was his mother who was behind the change in heart, to which he’ll forever be grateful for. Unfortunately, this hasn’t stopped his father from making snide remarks here and there. 
You sympathize with him, saying, “I’m sorry.”
His charming grin is audible through the phone. “Don’t be. I can handle it.”
“Where’s Mikasa? And your brother?” 
“Mikasa left this morning to spend the rest of break with Jean. And Zeke had to head back to prepare for some conference, so he’s actually in your neck of the woods right now,” he answers, referring to your hometown and current location: Marley. He adds, “To be honest, I wish I was there too.”
You smile, kicking your feet, belly fluttering with butterflies. “We’ll see each other in a week. Do you really miss me that much?” you tease.
“More than anything.” 
Swallowing hard, sentimental words dancing on the tip of your tongue (I miss you too, I think about you every day), you remain silent, too shy to get them out. Instead, he continues speaking, changing the subject to talk about what his mom prepared and the new year traditions behind them. She decided to do a spread of German foods this time around: pork sausages for good luck, sauerkraut for more money, and lentil soup for even better luck. He tells you about his childhood, popping open apple cider to tip into everyone’s glasses, watching the fireworks light up the sky from a distance, igniting sparklers outside with Armin, Mikasa, and the other neighborhood kids on the street. You listen to him intently, imagining a young Eren with that same signature bright smile he dons as an adult; warm, genuine, full of light. It’s no wonder you fell for him, especially in a time of your life where you were shrouded in darkness from the fallout of your heartbreak, unsure when you’d ever see sunshine again. 
I love you. Every time you think it, you double back, convincing yourself that it’s too soon, too much in such a short amount of time. After all, it’s only been a little over a month since the two of you officially became a couple. Wouldn’t it be crazy to express such a weighted confession? 
When there’s a small pause in the conversation, finished with his stories, you start, “Eren,” ready to admit it. 
“Oh, it’s already 11:59!” he interjects, excited. “How many seconds do we have left?”
You turn on the TV, switching to a local channel that’s displaying a countdown. “Ah, ten seconds!” You watch the clock, listening to Eren announce the numbers in your ear. At three, you join in. “3…2…1…Happy New Year!”
Downstairs, you hear your family cheering, clinking flutes of champagne or cider with each other. The sound of fireworks bursting can be heard faintly through your window. On the opposite end of the line, Eren says, “Happy New Year, beautiful. Wish I could kiss you right now.”
You smile. “Me too.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to join your family downstairs?” he asks.
“Positive. I want to start the new year with you.”
He laughs softly. “Me too. And you know what? For the first time in a long time, I’m actually excited about the new year. I used to dread going back, always so anxious about my new classes. All the tests and projects I had to work on during the semester. Even interacting with my classmates because it was always so competitive. Now, my new curriculum sounds interesting, and I feel good about my cohort. I just know this year is going to be a great one.” He pauses, choosing his next statement carefully. “I’m also looking forward to us. We’ve got all the time in the world now. I can’t wait to create so many more memories with you.”
Your heart beats faster, taken back by his sincerity. You decide not to confess to him tonight, not because you’re unsure, but because you mean it more. Those three words don’t seem enough to express that to him. Not yet at least. There’s no pressure to rush into anything; as he said, you’ve got all the time in the world. 
~~~
Spring semester of sophomore year starts off smoothly, especially for Eren. This is the only time during his collegiate career that he’s felt at ease. While he’s equally as diligent as he was before, he enjoys the material he’s learning, rather than stressing each passing day like he once was. Having his supportive girlfriend by his side is also a huge help, maybe the biggest of them all. He’s never been happier. 
Technically, it’s forbidden for RAs to date their residents. However, that hasn’t stopped them, often sneaking into his room to do what couples usually do. Quite frankly, neither are worried about hiding it, considering the rest of the dormitory residents are well aware of the relationship and unfazed by it. Still, whenever one of Eren’s managers visits, he’s extra diligent in keeping that information private. 
As for her situation with her ex, she has completely moved on, and seemingly so has he. Occasionally, she’ll spot Reiner walking around campus with his fraternity brothers or classmates. She and him will exchange a cordial head nod, polite wave, sometimes a reminiscent smile, but nothing more. Acknowledging each other’s presence, understanding there’s no more left to their story. A fleeting moment of reminiscence about their past life together, gone as soon as it appears. During these times, Reiner will flash a serious glance at Eren. It’s not threatening or malicious, more like a cautionary warning. He can’t blame the guy; after all, Reiner was her first love, and vice versa. Despite their relationship coming to an end, deep down, they must care for each other to some degree. Even as the new boyfriend, he can understand that, so he remains unbothered by it.
Despite his father agreeing to continue the payment of his tuition, Eren decided to work at least one part-time job this semester to supplement date nights or gifts for his girlfriend. His job is being the front desk of the school library, helping students locate resources or manage the study rooms. For the most part, his schedule is manageable. However, when the week of midterms arrives, it gets a little more complicated. The facility remains open twenty-four hours on weeks like this so students have a place to study at all times. Driven by the increased pay during the night shifts, Eren offers to work them without thinking how it’ll affect his daily routine. It’s only after the first night that he realizes he won’t be able to see his girlfriend until the week is over. With her being just as busy with group projects, there isn’t a time they have free to see each other. So, they settle for voicemails and text message spanning the next few days, which in Eren’s mind, pass by like weeks, maybe months. He misses her. 
Finally, Friday comes, and exams are over. After his last class, he heads straight for his room, knocking out for a long nap. He wakes up to gentle tapping on his door. When he answers, he’s thrilled to see her, smiling brightly at him. “Hi.”
Before he can respond with words, he launches forward, wrapping her in his arms. “I’m so happy to see you.” He buries his nose to the top of her head, inhaling that familiar scent he’s been yearning for all week long. “I missed you so much.”
She laughs, music to his ears, warming his entire soul. “I missed you too.”
He pulls her into his room, pushing the door closed by pressing her up against it with a kiss. They stay like this for a while, his hands caressing her cheeks, her fingers hooked to the waistband of his sweats, tugging ever-so-slightly towards her. They kiss each other, languid, soft, and effortless, like this is exactly where they’re meant to be. He’s been deprived too long without her. He won’t waste another second. 
She pulls away, leaning back to look at him. “Are you hungry? Do you want to get dinner now?”
He smirks, mouth grazing her ear. “I am hungry, but for something else.” One hand trails down to her hip, squeezing. “I’ve been starving for you all week. Dessert first, then dinner.”
She giggles, nipping at his lower lip. “Are we calling this dessert now?” 
“Yup,” he grins. “Because it’s going to be so, so sweet.”
~~~
Within minutes, your clothes are tossed to the floor, stripped and bare in his bed, sheets twisted beneath as your lips smack noisily with each other. “Can I taste you now? Please?” Eren asks.  
You nod, rolling onto your back, spreading your legs for him. He shakes his head, hoisting you over him. “Not like that. I want you to ride my face.”
“What?” you stammer, surprised at the suggestion. 
“Ride my face,” he repeats. 
“Are you sure?” 
“Absolutely sure. I want it so bad, baby.” The way his voice sounds needy and desperate has your pussy throbbing. Carefully, you straddle him, lowering yourself slowly. His hands slide around your thighs, gripping you. “Come on. Smother me, sweetie.” More aggressively, he shoves you to his face, tongue already out and licking at your clit. You grasp onto the headboard, rolling your hips onto his mouth, head thrown back in pleasure. His moans are muffled, vibrating into your skin with his lips puckered to your bud, sucking. 
Soon, you’re coming for him, slick gushing from your slit. He drinks it up, slurping it noisily, his hips thrusting into nothing, cock stiff against his abdomen. “Fuck, you taste so good. Think you can ride my cock now, princess?”
Still reeling from your orgasm, you whimper in response, readjusting yourself so you’re on his lap, sliding your slippery cunt along his erect shaft. He rests his head on his palms, elbows splayed, watching you. “That’s it, baby. Get it nice and creamy with your cum. You’re doing such a good job.”
The praise spurs you on, rubbing yourself on his dick until you’re ready for him, tingling all over. You sink down, cock sliding in smoothly until he bottoms out, your pussy entirely full of him. He plants his feet to the bed, thrusting into you gradually. “I know you already came, but can you give me one more, sweetie? Just one more?” It sounds like he wants to add a pretty please to the end of it, nodding his head affirmatively, looking up at you with innocent eyes while he fucks you relentlessly.
You let out a pathetic whimper, nodding along with him, totally captivated. He smiles so sweetly, the tinge of wickedness in his eyes almost goes unnoticed. Almost. Your boyfriend can be a real menace sometimes, acting tender as he man-handles you like his own personal sex doll. His grip on your hips tightens, his fingers digging into your flesh. He’s breathing heavily, exerting all the energy left in his being to give you the best fuck of your life. You bounce on his lap until your legs are spent, yielding all control to him. One hand travels up your spine and lands at the nape of your neck, caressing you, pulling you in for a sloppy kiss. His tongue swirls into your mouth, pushing his thick saliva past your lips. He halts his brutal thrusts, hard cock all the way inside you, pussy throbbing around it. 
“Open up, sweetie,” he says. You’re high off his cock, too dumbed out to think rationally, so you obey his command, sticking your tongue out. He bites his lip, studying you like you’re the prized treasure he’s about to collect. He tips your head towards him, leaning in close to spit a wad of his saliva in your mouth. “Swallow.” You do, guzzling every drop of it down your throat. 
“That’s it. Such a good girl,” he coos.
“Give me more,” you groan, sticking your tongue out. 
He grins, smooching your nose. “You like it, don’t you sweetheart?” 
You nod, eyes half-lidded as he does it again, his hot, frothy spit coating the inside of your mouth. Arms coiled around his neck, you clutch onto him tightly, electricity rippling from your core throughout the rest of your body as he pumps his cock in and out of you. 
“Eren,” you whimper, nuzzling his ear. Maybe it’s the heat of the moment, or the fact that you haven’t seen him all week and you missed him so much, you’re bursting at the seams. In a breathy huff, it slips out. “I love you.”
Suddenly, he pauses, stunned by your confession. He holds your face between his palms, staring at you with a serious expression. “What did you say?”
“I love you.”
His lips part, dumbfounded and in a daze, with his dick still hard inside you. It’s not what you imagined it would be like, but in this moment, you wanted to get it off your chest. It’s been simmering within you since New Year’s, and while it’s not the most luxurious of settings, it’s intimate and special, especially with the way his eyes twinkle. “You love me?” he reiterates, clearly in disbelief.
With more confidence, you reply, “I love you, Eren.” You nuzzle your nose to his, smiling. “I love you.”
He laughs, pressing his forehead to yours. “I love you, too. I’ve loved you this whole time.”
The two of you giggle into each other’s mouths as you kiss, Eren whispering “I love you” in between. You rock your hips onto his lap, making love slowly until eventually, you come together, skin hot and dewy with sweat, hearts thumping loudly against your chests. He cradles you in his arms, peppering more soft smooches around your face, intertwining his legs with yours. A perfect fit. 
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bvidzsoo · 3 months
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Who am I? (Part 2)
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Author: bvidzsoo
Warning: manhandling, smut, cursing, violence, toxicity
Pairing: Jeong Yunho x female reader
Word count: 14,7k
Summary: Jeong Yunho remained an enigma to you despite knowing him for over two months now. An extraordinary med student by day and a menacing gang member by night. There wasn't a label put to your relationship, and you liked it that way, but what happens when you finally face a disagreement, which makes you question the whole meaning of whatever is between Yunho and yourself. Is it really worth it for you? Or are the feelings too strong already to break it off?
A/N: Uh...yeah. I advise you check out Part 1 before reading this, thank u!! A second part was really unnecessary BUT I saw one picture of Yuyu and uh...my brain decided to work on its own and come up with a continuation, lol. But I think I'm finally ready to end their story as it is in here (unless I randomly get inspired again, save me). Tbh, this took an unexpected turn even for myself lol, I'm giving the side eye to Mr. Jeong Yunho currently. He's not that toxic, uh, but he's got it in him ngl, excuse this little silly guy for now. I hope you enjoy and your feedback is always appreciated! Enjoy now! ^^
⟨Part 1⟩
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            There wasn’t a label to our relationship. We just…were. The two of us, together, in some weird way. I don’t know how we worked out, or why we worked out, but two months later Yunho and I were still hanging out and…sleeping together. It was a peculiar feeling—not knowing what we exactly were—but it was also freeing. I knew I didn’t have to question us; Yunho just brought that sense of safety with himself. Even in my previous committed relationships I haven’t felt this safe—this assured that the person next to me was fully committed to me, and only me. Yunho was—the same. He was still weird in my eyes even if I have grown somewhat used to his behavior. To the Jeong Yunho everyone knew from university, and the Jeong Yunho who seemed to be truly him. I knew both sides of him by now and it made me think that he’s just simply a versatile person, as he had early in our relationship said, he had a colorful personality and he wasn’t afraid to use this to his own advantage. He knew how to portray himself to be liked by those around him, but he wasn’t scared to let his ‘darker’ side show through when the situation called for it. He was intriguing, and he certainly knew how to keep you focused on him—locked in. He was like a vice, one you could never let go of unless someone noticed that you were withering away and finally offered help, a shoulder to lean on. I wasn’t sure if that is where I stood currently, if I needed someone to help me out—to take me away from him. I didn’t even know if I wanted my life to—be like it was before the two of us knew each other like this.
Yunho was mysterious and he never disclosed anything about himself if it wasn’t necessary, I only knew the basics about him. He loved coffee, but would prefer a tea rather than the iced energizer. He struggled to go to sleep early and often his nights were ridden with nightmares, causing his sleep to be restless, thus he was often tired in the mornings. Surprisingly enough, he was a morning person, and enjoyed going on morning runs, no matter the weather. Yunho loved staying in on the weekends to watch cheesy movies, and perhaps if this came as a surprise, his talent in baking came as an even bigger surprise. He was resilient and hard-working, not once slacking or behind on his assignments, only urging me on to do my own as we often sat down to study together. And he had money—more than necessary, in my opinion—yet never flaunted it around. Not in a very obvious way, of course, unless he was taking us out on dates in high-end and super fancy restaurants on the rich side of the city, sending me over-priced silk dresses with a note attached to it, Wear it tonight. Yunho was distinctive in every sense of the word and he was certainly luring me in more and more as time passed. I couldn’t tell whether that was smart or not, there were plenty of things I still didn’t know about him. His secrets were well kept, yet sometimes I could see through the cracks. He was in a gang and he was doing illegal things, things which perhaps were dangerous and would certainly drive me away from him if I knew about them. But Yunho made sure I remained oblivious to them as much as I could and I never complained—unless it started directly affecting me.
The halls of our university were busy as everyone was in recess, walking down the hallways, everyone headed to their own business. I was done for now, I only had one more class later in the afternoon, but Yunho wouldn’t be free until late in the afternoon. The weather was extremely beautiful today, compared to the chilly and windy days we’ve had these past weeks, and so we took advantage of that as we hoarded outside the university’s cold stone walls, soaking up the sunlight as best as we could as we were sitting on a big blanket spread out in the grass. Mingi was with us, laying on his back as he had a book above his head, eye narrowed and nose scrunched as he had lowered the book uncomfortably close to his face.
“Hey,” He spoke up, nudging Yunho with his foot as Yunho was sitting by him, “hand me your sunglasses. You don’t need them.”
Yunho hummed once, busy eating his salad full of nutrients, before he took his sunglasses off his head and threw them at Mingi. I continued underlining the important information from my book for my upcoming assignment, sighing loudly when I realized I still had ten pages to flip through. The warm sun still didn’t have its full power, but I welcomed it dearly as my skin craved its warmth. I never dealt well with the cold, broody, winter days. My sigh caught Yunho’s attention, however, and his eyes found mine as I glanced his way.
“What’s the matter?” He asked quietly as he scooched closer, mouth full of his homemade salad.
“Nothing.” I mumbled and went back to underlining another sentence as my eyes quickly ran over the fancy words, trying to connect them to what I knew would be useful for my research.
“Want some help?” Yunho asked quietly, settling in a comfortable seat next to me, his broad shoulder knocking into mine as he bumped our shoulders together lightly. I shook my head wordlessly and continued diligently working as Yunho quietly finished his lunch and Mingi turned around, laying on his stomach as he raised his legs and started lightly swinging them in the air. It was a cute sight; it brought a smile to my lips as I glanced his way. Mingi had class in half an hour and he decided to hang out with us when he saw Yunho and I walking down the corridor. Mingi and I were in different groups, therefore our timetables differed at times.
“Is this for your latest assignment?” Yunho asked as he placed his empty container back into his backpack, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He wore a grey hoodie over a beige turtleneck today, tucked into his favorite light blue, washed out, ripped jeans. It was the first time he didn’t wear his usual colorful outfits to university, and it certainly had turned some heads in the morning when his leather jacket was on him as well.
“Yeah, got two weeks to finish it.” I mumbled defeated, catching the slight thumping of my head. The breeze lightly picked up and brushed my copper strands against my face, until Yunho’s long fingers curled into the strands and pushed them behind my ear. I glanced at him from my peripheral and noticed him looking at me deeply, his brown eyes warm and light in the sunlight, like an amber cracking in the lively fire. I couldn’t help but softly smile, my body softening as I leaned into his side, his presence calming. Mingi let out a long sigh and there was a quiet thump as he let his head fall on his book, placed on the blanket. I chuckled as I watched his theatrics, Yunho straightening his right leg and kicking at Mingi’s foot.
“What’s got your knickers in a twist today, princess?” Yunho teased his best friend, earning a groan from Mingi.
“Shut up,” He moaned out in frustration as he pushed himself up, checking his wristwatch, “I fucking hate the professor I have class with in fifteen minutes, I don’t want to go.”
“Don’t go then,” I pipped up, grinning at him, “I’ve got the notes. I’ll let you have them.”
“Aren’t you a sweetheart, Y/N?” Mingi grinned for a second, running his hands through his black hair, ruffling it up, “But he doesn’t like me and has a personal vendetta against me, so I gotta go. Two more weeks and I’ll never have to see his face again.”
I raised my eyebrows at Mingi, about to destroy his fantasy, “Until our next module with him, which is in like…three months.”
“Shut up.” Mingi groaned as he got up from the blanket and dusted his jeans off, grabbing his book and backpack, pocketing his phone as Yunho handed it over to him. He thanked him quietly and checked his wristwatch again, very clear on his face that he didn’t want to go, “See you around.”
“My sunglasses.” Yunho reached a hand out, patiently waiting for Mingi to hand them over, but the younger one just chuckled and stuck his tongue out at Yunho.
“You wish. These are mine now.” And with that, he took off, making Yunho huff next to me as I chuckled, amused by their antics. Besides myself, I think Mingi is the only person who knows how Yunho is—who he truly is.
“That rascal.” Yunho muttered underneath his breath and I smiled, going back to the remaining six pages I still had to read, “You sure you don’t need help?”
“Yeah,” I hummed, “You’ve helped me enough before.”
“And I’ll keep helping you, it’s not a big deal.” I raised my head and turned to look at Yunho as his eyebrows were slightly furrowed, his expression serious. He looked calm, his mind probably quiet for once. He was a man who’s thoughts ran miles per hour. My fingers itched to reach out and to be run through his hair, massaging the skin of his nape, but I refrained from doing so—the two of us were never too affectionate with each other out in public. It’s not because we were keeping whatever was going on between each other a secret, it’s just that neither one of us was a big fan of showing intimacy in front of others. Yunho was subtle with it, and I just simply refrained from such gestures, feeling uncomfortable by strangers seeing us and judging us for what we were doing. But there were little moments when we both gave in to these urges, and I watched as Yunho leaned forward and pressed his soft lips against my right cheek, lips lingering against my skin as he breathed out against it, nose pressing against my heated skin. It came naturally that I flushed whenever he kissed my cheek, it felt intimate, sweet even. Something which was a nice change when it came to Yunho, who was a passionate and reactive man, indulging to his urges and whatever he was feeling in the moment.
“I should head home soon, have lunch and sleep some before my class.” I spoke up as Yunho finally pulled back, eyes soft as his lower lip jutted out.
“Want me to drive you home?”
“No, the weather is nice, I’ll walk.” Our serene ambivalence was broken the second there was a shout of Yunho’s name and a rushed man running our way, his brown hair disheveled as his backpack slung messily around on his back. Wooyoung wore a bright red jacket and black jeans so long it made me wonder how he hadn’t faceplanted already as he neared us. He had a wide grin on his lips and I felt Yunho shifting, his body pressing more firmly into mine, almost pushing me away.
“Hi, guys!” Wooyoung greeted loudly, disturbing the few people around us who had the same recreational idea in mind as us. Wooyoung was panting as he leaned forward, placing his hands on his knees.
“Hello, Wooyoung.” I greeted him back politely. He was one of Yunho’s friends, an obnoxiously loud man, but with a pure heart and good intentions. He was blunt, but also very caring. He was a free spirit which his small body couldn’t fully contain, bursting with the light he had to offer to the world. Wooyoung was a literature student and he absolutely loved what he was studying, often quoting something from the books he’s read or was currently reading. He had his nose in a book at all times, it was endearing to see. However, despite Yunho never voicing it, I felt the distaste he had towards the boy. Perhaps it was the shameless flirting Wooyoung seemed to be doing with everyone around him that Yunho disliked so much, and he often whatnot made it quite visible when Wooyoung hung out with us—at least when I was around too. Or so Mingi had told me one afternoon as we had hung out between classes, grabbing a coffee. Despite Mingi and I being in the same major, our somewhat friendship only kicked off after I became a prominent person in Yunho’s life. Figures it would have happened at some point, it seemed to me that Mingi was the most precious person to Yunho after himself—he could be quite selfish at times.
“What are you up to?” Wooyoung asked animatedly and I chuckled, closing my book. I have decided I have had enough for today.
“I was just about to head home, don’t know about Yunho, though.” As I went to grab my bag, I felt a heavy arm draped around my shoulders, Yunho’s long, cold, fingers curling tightly against my shoulder, squeezing lightly. I paused for a second and looked back at him, one eyebrow raised, but he didn’t spare me a glance as he was looking straight at Wooyoung.
“I’m headed to the library. I’ve got two hours before my next class.” His voice was cold, yet he had an eerily friendly smile on his lips. Wooyoung paid him no mind as he grinned and nodded, grabbing his phone out of his pocket as he tapped away on the screen. I placed my book into my bag and glanced at Yunho when he still didn’t release me, “Care to join me?”
Wooyoung nodded eagerly as he put his phone away, pushing his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans, “Sure, I’m waiting for my cousin to come pick me up. But until then we could hang out. I’ve got a new book I have to start reading, the timing is perfect, if you ask me.”
“Sure.” Yunho chuckled, but it lacked any friendliness. Wooyoung still didn’t seem to notice it. I cleared my throat and threw Yunho a look as I peeled his arm off me, getting to my feet. My bottom had gone numb at some point and I shook my legs out, groaning at the stabbing feeling in my feet.
“You’ve gone numb?” Wooyoung asked with a chuckle as he watched me amused, and I nodded with a grin.
“Sure did, I think I’ve been sitting in the same spot for an hour now.” I said as I grabbed my bag, but was surprised to find Yunho holding onto it, and not letting go. I raised my eyebrows at him and noted how his jaw was clenching tightly, eyebrows slightly furrowed. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask whether he was alright or not, but him suddenly standing up took me off guard.
“Shake it out like this—” Wooyoung speaking up got my attention as I turned my head to look at him, feeling Yunho’s looming presence over my shoulder as he pressed up against me, firm chest flushed against my back. Wooyoung was goofily jumping around, shaking his ass rather than his legs, and it made me laugh at the imagery in front of me. My laughter prompted Wooyoung to laugh as well, making him stop his antics.
“Thank you, but I think I’ll refrain from shaking my ass around and disturbing the people around us,” I said amused, making Wooyoung pout, “I’m sure they didn’t sign up for it when they decided to enjoy the sunlight—which is slowly going away.”
I sighed sadly, the clouds gathering around as the breeze was picking up, urging me on to zip up my coat. I looked back at Yunho and signaled for him to hand me my bag over, however, the displeasure in his expression took me off guard. It’s been long since I have seen him this hostile. Perhaps since the last time we had gone out on a date and the waiter kept flirting with me the whole time as if Yunho wasn’t even there at the table, sitting with me.
“Hey, if it’s sunny tomorrow too,” Wooyoung suddenly proposed, eyes shining with excitement, “Want to go play some basketball? It’s been long since I played, but I’ve still got it in me—promise.”
I hummed in thought and yanked my bag out of Yunho’s hold when he wouldn’t let go still, giving him a small glare. What was up with him? He’d been fine just minutes ago. Why was he acting up all of a sudden?
“I mean, I’m not big on sports, but I could definitely use some exercise.” I turned to look at Yunho, “Yunho? What about you?”
“I’m not into basketball.” He fired quickly, throwing a glare Wooyoung’s way, but the younger one was either really good at ignoring the murderous look on Yunho’s face or he just simply didn’t notice. The later was probably better, but it was also only angering Yunho more.
“Sure, you don’t have to come. I’ve got other friends who like it, Y/N, I’m sure you’ll like them.” Wooyoung was babbling on, obviously not noticing the simmering anger in Yunho’s eyes. I cleared my throat and smiled tensely, a little off-thrown by the situation, by Yunho’s behavior, “I’ve been wanting to introduce you to them for a while now.”
Yunho scoffed loudly, and that finally caught Wooyoung’s attention as his eyebrows lightly furrowed, confusion written all over his face as I cleared my throat awkwardly.
“Sure, sounds cool.” But I forced a smile on my lips before clapping my hands together, and taking a small step away from Yunho’s side. I needed to get going now, “I’ll be on my way though, enjoy your time in the library, you guys.”
“Have a lovely afternoon, Y/N.” Wooyoung called cutely, a dimple showing as his lips were pulled into a big smile.
“You too, Wooyoung.” I smiled back at him before turning to face Yunho, wanting to say my goodbyes to him as well, except that I was greeted by a big hand wrapping around my jaw and pulling me forward as he painfully crashed his lips against mine. A surprised noise left the back of my throat, eyes wide as Yunho forced my lips apart with his, slipping his tongue inside my mouth. He’s never done anything like this in public before, and I found it hard to react as I was taken aback, heart suddenly racing in my chest. Before I could reciprocate the kiss, Yunho was already pulling away, my lower lip between his teeth as he bit down on it painfully, making my eyebrows furrow as I grabbed his wrist and pushed his hold off my face, giving him a glare but a confused look as well as my lips were pulsing, hot, and coated with Yunho’s saliva from the messy and aggressive kiss he had just given me. I didn’t want to vocalize my thoughts, which would’ve been a loud what the fuck, Yunho, so I just deepened my glare as he stared deeply into my eyes, anger still simmering in them. His irrational behavior had no sense and I shook my head when I realized he was turning this into a staring contest, of who would give in first—that being me, of course, as I wasn’t in the mood for childish games. Besides, I knew Yunho hated it when I dismissed him, and that’s what he deserved for the behavior he had just exhibited. When my eyes fell on Wooyoung again, he was looking away awkwardly, cheeks flushed as his lips were in a tight line. I felt sorry for him and also humiliated when I felt Yunho trying to close the gap between our bodies, but I cleared my throat and stepped around him.
“Okay, goodbye.” I said loudly as I gave Yunho a pointed glare, Wooyoung’s wave weak as I turned and stalked off, leaving the two males behind. And I knew Wooyoung wouldn’t hang out with Yunho today, the older one’s attitude too off-putting for Wooyoung, who was simply nice and friendly with me. And if Yunho texted me later today, he certainly wasn’t getting a reply. I did not like being treated like an object, like a doll. And I certainly did not like being presented as someone who had ownership over themselves by another person. It was the one thing Yunho never truly, fully, understood during our relationship as he was a possessive and overly protective man. I would not be branded as his, nor treated like a piece of doll.
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            It had been a few days since Yunho and I had spoken, due to a multitude of reasons. The most pressing one was the way he acted when Wooyoung had approached us, and perhaps the fact that he saw no faults in his attitude when he texted a half-assed apology later that evening. But another reason was life catching up with the both of us. I had to take up more shifts at the convenience store as I was starting to run short on money while the deadline to pay my fees at the university was dangerously nearing, and Yunho had not long ago started his residency at the local hospital. He didn’t have a fixed schedule yet, but he preferred taking the night shifts more often than not, sometimes letting me stay overnight at his apartment alone. I never understood how he does it, but whenever I woke up there was homemade breakfast laid out on the table nicely in his living room, with Yunho freshly showered and scrolling through his phone as he lazily dried his hair with a towel. I would often walk up to him and help him out, taking the towel out of his hand as I rubbed it against his damp hair, making Yunho sigh loudly when I would run my fingers through his hair, softly massaging his scalp. Usually in the mornings nothing much was said between the two of us, and I preferred it that way. I liked the calm and quiet, having the chance to sort out my plans for the day I had ahead of me. But it’s been almost two weeks since I slept over, and I couldn’t help but sigh as I realized I was thinking about Yunho again. We’ve never fought before, never even went a day without texting each other, even if just briefly. It was a little unnerving to realize how big part of my life Yunho had become, how his absence was unsettling and left me feeling agitated and unsafe. I should have known better that allowing him into my life would bring consequences, and even if we weren’t a defined item, I didn’t know where we stood now that we weren’t talking. It was probably my fault, I was the one ignoring him, but I felt like this was my last attempt at trying to get him to understand that he couldn’t just claim me and make me his propriety. I hated these things; they made me feel dirty and uncomfortable.
As I was wiping the counter clean, earbuds in and bobbing my head to the music as clients had been quite scarce today, I heard the bell chime loudly over my music, quickly making me switch it off and take the earbuds out. I watched as a tall man walked inside, all-bulked up underneath the black turtleneck and form fitting jeans he wore. We looked at each other and I welcomed him, his face concealed by a facemask and a low hanging baseball cap. The sight wasn’t unusual, it didn’t ring any alarm bells in my head as I went back to wiping off the dust from the counter, crouching and putting the rag away once I was done. I grabbed the can of soda I had put away for myself and cracked it open as I stood, startled when I found the man right across me, the counter separating the two of us. He was alarmingly tall, perhaps taller than Yunho himself, and I had to tip my head slightly back to look him in the eyes. The guy had sharp eyes, dark, yet warm. I was sure I haven’t seen him around here before and I took the cup of ramen he pushed towards me wordlessly, scanning the item quickly.
“Want anything else?” I asked the customer in a monotone voice, keeping my face neutral, “We’ve got a promotion if you buy a drink of your choice with the ramen.”
The man made a humming sound before he nodded and stalked off towards the fridges, my eyes following his every move. He looked intimidating like this, with his face concealed and clothing dark. And the fact that he wasn’t talking was unnerving as well, but I pushed such thoughts to the back of my head as he returned with a can of soda identical to mine.
“This good?” He finally asked, voice not too deep nor raspy, slightly cracking at the end. I had to admit, he had a pleasant voice and I slightly relaxed as I nodded, scanning the soda in as well.
“Yeah, it’s a mix of grape and something lemony, the sparkling water really elevates the taste of it.” I answered him and the man nodded, grabbing his wallet out of his long coat’s pocket as I took a bag and placed his items inside, closing his tab. I let him know the amount he had to pay and took the money when he pushed it towards me, ignoring the way his finger brushed against my skin. It made me shiver, but I hoped he didn’t notice. His touch was cold and it reminded me of Yunho’s cold hands holding my body firmly. I quickly grabbed the change and handed it back to the customer, making sure our skins didn’t touch again as I flashed him a generic smile, thanking him for purchasing at us.
“Do you often work here?” He asked as he took off towards the door, making my eyebrows furrow as I glanced at him uneasily.
“Sometimes.” I chose to stay ambiguous as the man nodded once before saying his goodbyes, prompting me to do the same as I watched him leave through the glass door and then windows of the convenience store. I shook off the uneasy feeling as the man got inside a vehicle, one which looked slightly familiar, but I couldn’t figure out why and from where. But the little voice inside my head told me that I had seen it before. Before I could dwell more on it, a peculiar sight blocked my view of the strange customer leaving with his car. Yunho had pushed open the door of the convenience store slowly, his warm eyes falling on me and holding my gaze. I wouldn’t have thought not seeing him for a few days would send my heart into a frenzy as I took in his appearance, wavy hair concealed by a black fuzzy beanie with white stars on it. His jacket was missing despite the chilly breeze outside, but I suppose the fuzzy grey and white sweater which reached his knees was enough to keep him warm enough. He wore leather pants, and the longer I looked at his outfit the more it looked like he had borrowed his clothes from Mingi. Lately, Yunho had been experimenting with his clothing, and I could’ve sworn I saw Mingi wearing the exact same sweater Yunho was wearing right now. However, what made my mouth go dry and heartrate increase faster was the huge bouquet of blue Hyacinths he was holding in his hands, expression leveled until he reached the counter, leaning his hips against it. I remained silent as I watched Yunho, hands slightly shaking as I pushed them behind my back, clasping my fingers together. In all the two months we’ve been seeing each other, Yunho had not once given me flowers. It was an unusual sight and it was slightly unnerving, new, but it felt good.
“Hello,” He greeted quietly, searching for my eyes as I avoided eye contact. I was still irritated that he didn’t want to understand me and listen to me, but I knew one look at his face would make me forgive him instantly, “Uh, you’ve been ignoring me.”
I hummed as my eyes fell on the blue Hyacinths, their scent strong and refreshing. I’ve always loved these flowers; they were the harbingers of spring. I remained silent and Yunho sighed, suddenly moving. I finally looked up as the bouquet of Hyacinths was placed on the counter and pushed towards me, “I’m sorry. I know you don’t like it when I act like that, but it’s who I am, Y/N.”
I rolled my eyes but accepted the flowers as I took them from Yunho, cradling them against my chest as I looked down at them, closing my eyes as I sniffed their strong perfume, sweet yet biting, “I’ve missed you.”
It was the lack of hesitation he said it with that made me look up at Yunho wide eyed, mouth going dry at his sudden confession. Yunho rarely voiced his emotions, often times only being vocal about them during sex, which wasn’t a huge problem to me, but it would’ve felt nice sometimes hearing him talk about them without being buried deep in me and high of endorphins.
“Yeah,” I muttered after clearing my throat, feeling shy all of a sudden, “Life’s been quiet without you.”
Quiet, yet so chaotic as my thoughts were plagued with Yunho. I didn’t feel like letting him know that, it felt like I was overstepping some invisible boundary we have set. Yunho, though, seemed to understand as he hummed and nodded once, reaching over the counter and taking my hand in his as he pried it away from the bouquet. His palm was searing hot and his metal rings cold as they pressed against my skin, and I sighed, squeezing his fingers between mine, biting my lower lip as I looked down at our joined hands.
“Let’s hang out tonight,” Yunho proposed, voice quiet, “The guys invited me out, but afterwards you could crash at my place.”
I hummed and nodded without much hesitation, agreeing to his plan. I didn’t have it in me to turn down his invitation, I have missed him too. I wanted to spend time with him, I wanted to be close to him again.
“Seonghwa said Sooyoung was coming too.” Hearing my friend’s name made me smile as I finally looked up into Yunho’s chocolate brown eyes, noting the happiness written all over his face. He was probably glad I wanted to hang out with him, finally not dismissing him anymore.
“Cool, I’ll talk to her and we’ll go together.” I spoke up, making Yunho pout as his grip against my hand tightened, “We’ll be spending the night together either way, I haven’t had the chance to hang out with Sooyoung this week yet. I miss her.”
“More than me?” Yunho raised his eyebrows and I chuckled, softly prying my hand out of his and crouching down to try and find something I could place the bouquet in.
“Bros before hoes.” I cracked a cheeky smile and it made Yunho laugh, a sound I rarely had the chance to hear. It was usually him the one making me laugh, it felt good being able to make him laugh. I grinned as I watched Yunho chuckle to himself before composing himself and stepping back as I found a little glass vase, perfect to hold my bouquet of blue Hyacinths until I went home, “Text me the details.”
“Sure, I’ll see you later, angel.” He winked and I ignored the way my cheeks instantly flushed, never quite used to Yunho’s flirty side as it rarely made its appearance. I stood up and waved as Yunho left the convenience store, eyes on me until he rounded the corner, making me grin as my eyes fell on the flowers and remained on them. Perhaps he could bring me flowers more often, I wouldn’t mind.
            After finishing my shift, I met up with Sooyoung at her place, the two of us cooking some nice late lunch and gossiping about everything we haven’t told each other through text. It seemed like her and Seonghwa were going out now, but they weren’t quite in a relationship yet. She said this was working for her as she wanted to make sure Seonghwa truly was the man he portrayed himself to be, and she then asked about Yunho and I. She knew we haven’t talked in a while, so I told her about him showing up with flowers and confessing that he had missed me. It sent Sooyoung into a giggling mess, amusing me as I watched her ramble on about how Yunho should just ask me to be his girlfriend already, since everyone around us seems to be thinking that we are boyfriend and girlfriend. I reassured her that I didn’t need a label to feel comfortable with how things were between us, and Sooyoung confessed she was jealous of that, she could never be this easy-going. She needed the utmost security before entering a relationship. I could understand her.
After talking to Yunho, he sent us the location of the BBQ place we were meeting at, and told us to be there at eight sharp. I wasn’t in the mood to head home before leaving to said location, so Sooyoung let me wear one of the pretty dresses she owned. It was a black off-shoulder, long sleeved dress, and it reached just above my calves, the fabric warm and form fitting. I styled my hair in simple waves and applied a coral lip-gloss on my lips, matching the color of my hair as Sooyoung grinned at me while wearing her cute, but casual clothes as well. It wasn’t often that I wore dresses, but tonight I wanted to look nicer than usually, and, besides, this dress was one of the few clothing items Sooyoung owned that actually fit me as our height difference stopped us from sharing cute clothes with each other. She was half a head taller, the dress on her was a lot shorter than on my form, but it still looked nice. I had packed my clothes in my backpack and promised Sooyoung I would give the dress back once I have washed it. After finishing up and making sure everything we had used for our hair was unplugged, and the makeup put away, Sooyoung locked up and we left her apartment.
By the time we reached the BBQ place the streets were busy with people roaming around to find entertainment as it was a Friday evening, and the pub Yunho told us to meet them at was buzzing with life, filled to the brim with people. As we walked inside, I noted there weren’t any empty tables as Sooyoung craned her neck and looked around for the people we were here with. And she quickly found them. They were sat at a large round table, towards the middle of the room, and the table had already various flavored Soju bottles littered around, with the meat being grilled by Mingi as we came to a stop next to the table. It seemed like a few seats were empty, and Yunho wasn’t here yet as I looked at the familiar faces, searching for his. Seonghwa and Mingi looked at us at the same time, and Mingi was happy to see me as he said hi loudly, talking over the hubbub of the pub. Seonghwa was quickly on his feet, pressing a swift kiss against Sooyoung’s red lips, making her blush as she timidly greeted everyone sitting at the table. She sat next to Seonghwa, and as I didn’t know which seat was taken or not, I opted to play it safe and sat right next to her after Seonghwa assured me that the seat hadn’t been claimed yet. Jongho sat at the table, an empty chair between him and Mingi, right across from me. He seemed to be busy with his phone, greeting us hastily before he went back to it, fingers moving fast as he was typing. Mingi shot him a few glances, but didn’t say much to him. The seat to my right was empty, but not for long. Suddenly, I heard loud and shrill laughter coming from behind, and as I turned, I watched as Wooyoung was talking to someone taller than him, holding three bottles of undone Soju in his hands. The man he was talking to pat him on the shoulder before he beelined it to a different table, Wooyoung coming to a stop next to me. He looked ecstatic to see me, and I chuckled.
“Hi, Wooyoung.” I said with a laugh as he stumbled a bit, slamming the Soju bottles on the table accidentally, making Jongho glare at him.
“Careful.”
“Sorry.” Wooyoung pouted at the grumpy man before taking his seat between Jongho and myself, clapping his hands together, “Hi, Y/N! I haven’t seen you in quite a while.”
“Just four days or something.” I muttered with a chuckle and Wooyoung grinned, undoing the grapefruit flavored Soju.
“Yeah, and those are more than enough to make me miss you.” I rolled my eyes at the blatant flirting, but failed to notice the sharp gaze Mingi sent Wooyoung’s way as he had heard his words. Even Seonghwa paused for a second as his lips pulled into a straight line, but Sooyoung quickly had his attention once again, “Want some?”
I nodded eagerly as Wooyoung poured some Soju for me and I nudged Sooyoung with my elbow, raising an empty glass at her, “Want some?”
“Sure.” She grinned and Wooyoung poured some for her as well, “We have some catching up to do. These guys already finished four bottles.”
“We’re only half an hours late, please.” I said with a laugh before Wooyoung, Sooyoung, and I clanked our glasses together, downing the Soju. The taste of it was sour, yet not unbearable at all, and I took the Soju glass before pouring another shot for myself. Wooyoung grinned as encouraged me and poured himself another one as well, downing it at the same time with me. I groaned and thanked Jongho as he pushed his untouched Fanta towards me, letting me take a few sips before I handed it back to him. He seemed to be done with whatever he was doing on his phone as he had his hands clasped together and placed on the table, watching Mingi and giving him instructions on how to grill the meat better. Wooyoung chimed up next to me, but suddenly I felt big hands pressing against my bare shoulders, making me stiffen as my back straightened. I quickly looked back, but upon seeing Yunho’s towering form looming over me, I relaxed.
“Hi.” I said with a small smile, goosebumps erupting on my skin as Yunho’s calloused hands slowly dragged closer to my neck, his forefingers pressing into my nape. Yunho’s expression was neutral as his eyes slipped onto Wooyoung for a split second, and I didn’t miss the way his jaw clenched. It took me a few seconds to realize, and I sighed as I gave Yunho a look, begging him not to start this again. Wooyoung was just a friendly guy and whatever he said and did, it wasn’t anything serious. He was Yunho’s friend for fucks sake, it was Yunho who introduced us to each other. If he couldn’t stand the guy, why the hell did he continue hanging out with him—why did he even introduce me to him? I wanted a nice night out, not a tense filled evening where I couldn’t even look in Wooyoung’s direction without Yunho blowing up from anger.
“Hi.” Yunho muttered and he leaned down, his face close to mine. I looked in his eyes questioningly, waiting for him to make the first move. His nose twitched and I knew he hated all the eyes on us, but nonetheless, he still pressed a lasting kiss against my lips, keeping his eyes open as I didn’t close mine either. I gave him a warning glare as he pulled away and stepped back, his hands leaving my body as he tapped Wooyoung on the back a little too harshly before he took off towards his seat, which was in between Mingi and Jongho. I chuckled and shook my head for a second, amused but irritated at the same time. Sooyoung gave me a questioning look as I poured her and myself some Soju, Seonghwa and Mingi having a heated debate about whether the meat was better overcooked or undercooked. Jongho seemed to be disgusted as he voiced his opinion that it was only perfect if it was in the middle. I felt a small nudge against my wrist on the table and I looked towards Wooyoung, who was looking at me shyly, scratching the back of his neck.
“Do you think I make Yunho uncomfortable?” He whispered as he slightly leaned closer. My eyes fell on said person quickly, watching the way Yunho’s eyes darkened. I looked back at Wooyoung and forced on a small smile, feeling bad that I had to lie to him.
“That’s just how he is, don’t mind him.” I tried to answer as ambiguously as I could, but Wooyoung just pouted.
“So, he doesn’t like me.” He concluded and I frowned, feeling bad.
“He’s your friend, Wooyoung.” I tried, but Wooyoung just shrugged, “Of course, he likes you.”
“I mean,” He hummed and grabbed some peanuts from the bowl placed close to him, “not necessarily. We know each other through Jongho.”
“Yeah, and I question myself each day what was I thinking when I befriended you.” It seemed like Jongho was eavesdropping in on our conversation, but Wooyoung didn’t seem to mind as he made an offended sound, lurching towards Jongho. Jongho yelped as Wooyoung’s arms went around his neck and aggressively tried to press a kiss against Jongho’s cheek, making the younger one fight for his life. I started laughing at the small commotion, quickly stabilizing the stool Wooyoung sat on as it tipped towards Jongho, making him fall off.
“Enough, hey.” Seonghwa called out and grabbed his chopsticks, waving them threateningly in Jongho and Wooyoung’s direction, making the two settle down instantly. Jongho’s eyes could’ve killed as he glared at Wooyoung, but the boy seemed unthreatened as he sat back in his seat satisfied, grinning widely. I chuckled as Sooyoung and I looked at each other, her shaking her head. Mingi cleared his throat and motioned at the table.
“Meat is done, let’s start eating.” And so everyone dug in, Yunho’s eyes barely leaving me and making me almost choke on my food when I noticed. I raised my eyebrows at him, a silent question, but he didn’t react, face staying neutral. I just shrugged and continued eating, the food delicious and the meat well cooked, complimenting Mingi for his work, watching as a gloating smirk appeared on his lips. It made me chuckle as Jongho started arguing with him, telling him that the meat would’ve been worse if he didn’t help out, making Mingi hush him with an inoffensive threat. It didn’t take long for Wooyoung to nudge my wrist again, and I found it cute as I looked at him amused.
“So, uh…” He cleared his throat before proceeding with what he had to say, “I started this new book. It’s dark romance ad thriller. Want to hear about it? Maybe you’ll like it, I can lend it to you.”
“Sure.” I smiled and nodded my head, seeing from the corner of my eyes as Yunho took a big swing of his beer, eyes staring daggers at Wooyoung and me, but I ignored him. I wasn’t in the mood to focus on his jealous theatrics, and instead paid full attention to what Wooyoung had to say.
            And Wooyoung had a lot of things to say from then on, barely letting me pay attention to anyone else as he talked about anything that came to his mind, themes going from absurd to quite serious. It was nice to see the layers he had, and he was an entertaining person. I’ve always found talking to him quite easy, smooth, and flowing by itself. I tried not to pay much attention to Yunho, who looked more and more displeased as the hours went by, at some point turning his body in a way that he wouldn’t see Wooyoung and I anymore. It was childish, really, I was simply just socializing. I wasn’t giving any signals to Wooyoung, and he was also keeping everything cordial besides the little nudges he did against my wrist with his pinky. There was absolutely nothing to be worried about. Mingi and Jongho had gone out a few minutes ago to smoke their cigars, and for once, Wooyoung seemed enthralled by whatever him and Seonghwa were discussing at the moment, I hadn’t paid attention to them. The more time passed, the more drinks appeared on the table and it was quite visible that Seonghwa, Wooyoung, and Mingi were quite tipsy, Sooyoung’s eyes droopy, yet she refused to head home just yet. I hadn’t drank much, therefore it wasn’t hitting me and…Yunho had a high tolerance for alcohol; however, I lost count of how many beers he’s had. Probably more than necessary. As I looked up, I was startled to find Yunho standing all of a sudden, eyes deadly as they were set on me. I gulped, for a second feeling like I was in trouble, until I reminded myself that Yunho was just overreacting. I watched his tall frame, which was hugged by ripped greyish-black jeans and a simple black t-shirt hanging loosely around his torso, a silver chain dangling around his neck. Some while ago he started wearing a single silver earring in his left ear, and he had it on tonight as well. A few rings littered around his fingers and I felt my body tense as he walked around the table, coming near me. He stopped behind Wooyoung and grabbed my forearm.
“Come with me.” I couldn’t really say no as I was pulled up from my seat, legs a little numb as I hadn’t stood up in a while now. My eyes searched Yunho’s as he dragged me up to my feet and veered me in front of himself, making me walk as he followed close behind, his left hand gripping my waist tightly. My heart picked up a bit as I saw the confused looks on Wooyoung and Sooyoung’s faces, however, Seonghwa looked like this was normal. I didn’t know what to think as I licked my lips and realized Yunho was walking us towards the restrooms. I knew where this was leading, and it was certainly to an argument. And argument that I did not want to have in a pub’s restroom, but I guess I didn’t have much of a choice as Yunho held me firmly, not allowing me to slip away even if I tried to. There were three doors, one for the ladies restroom, one for the men, and a third one which said, employes only. As Yunho pushed me towards it, my eyebrows furrowed and I looked back at him unimpressed and confused.
“What are you doing?” But he was already pushing the door open and shoving me inside. If it weren’t for his hold on my body, I would’ve stumbled. I heard the door slam shut behind me and a click, making me open my mouth to chastise Yunho for whatever this was, but the wind was knocked out of my lungs as I was whirled around and aggressively pushed up against the door.
“I’ve fucking had enough, Y/N.” His jaw was clenched and his nose flared as Yunho glared me down, keeping me pinned against the door as my eyes widened, “I fucking told you I don’t like it when you’re with Wooyoung, and you go ahead and ignore me the whole fucking night while you’re all sweet with him. Fuck this, Y/N. Seriously.”
My eyebrows furrowed and I scoffed, trying to wriggle myself out of his hold, “You never told me you didn’t like him, nor that you didn’t like me talking to him, Yunho. Talking to him. Do you expect me to just fucking ignore every living soul which is a male because I’m with you?!”
The silence which followed was deafening, the tumult of the pub muffled by the door I was pressed against, and Yunho’s face said everything. He wanted me to ignore the existence of every male that wasn’t him. I scoffed and glared at him, yanking his hands off my body. He had loosened his grip on me, making it easy for me to do so.
“I told you that’s not who I am, Yunho, numerous times.” I snapped, pressing a finger against his firm chest, “I told you that you couldn’t expect me to bend to all of your wishes and let go of my own principles for you. I don’t give a single fuck who you are, Yunho, but if you don’t respect me, I won’t respect you either. You can be Jesus, you can be a mobster, the most dangerous man on Earth, and I still won’t allow you to treat me like I’m your personal toy, your little object you can claim whenever your dick stands up, Yunho.”
And Yunho said nothing as his breathing got heavier, because he knew I was right. Because he knew very well where I stood, because he knew and even said he understood, when I refused to get the tattoo he also had on his chest. I didn’t want to be branded, I didn’t want to belong to anyone or anything. I was my own person and if this is where things were headed, I wouldn’t stick around for longer. No matter how much Yunho started meaning to me. And maybe it was the fire in my eyes and the indignation on my face that prompted Yunho to understand that things would soon come to an end between the two of us if he continued on acting like this, but I’ve had enough and as I went to turn around and open the door, Yunho was suddenly on me, holding my face firmly in his hands as he pressed his lips roughly against mine. It took me a little while to respond and it made Yunho whine as his mouth never once stopped moving against mine, coaxing me into a fiery kiss as my hands fisted Yunho’s shirt at his sides, apparently giving him the cue to press himself up against me. I sighed into his mouth as his tongue pushed past my lips and licked into my mouth with urgency, his kisses desperate as his tall body molded perfectly against mine. He knew every tick of mine, every spot which brought pleasure, and every move which he knew made it hard for me to control myself. As he slanted a leg between my things, my fingers tangled into his black locks and I yanked on his hair harshly, making Yunho gasp. He broke off the kiss, but his lips were quickly on my jaw, leaving open mouthed kisses against it as he pressed his thigh more against my clothed core, making me grind down against it needily, little noises leaving my lips as Yunho sucked at a particular spot under my jaw, skin sensitive and igniting a fire within which spread through my whole body.
“I need you.” Yunho mumbled into my skin as he held my chin with his right hand while his lips travelled lower, sucking harshly on the skin of my neck, making me hiss out in pain. As if to prove his words, he pressed his lower half harsher against my body, and I could feel his bulge through his jeans, making me bite back a moan as my hips grinded against his thigh, making me bite my lower lip at the friction against my lower region. Everything was becoming hotter around me, my skin felt on fire and my mind began emptying out as Yunho’s musky cologne consumed my whole being, as his hands groped at any part of my body he could feel, his warmth mingling with mine, and his sinful lips pressing open mouthed kisses against my skin, and tongue licking at it afterwards. His left hand found my hips and guided them, setting a slow rhythm as I grinded against his thigh, a quiet moan leaving my lips at the pooling heat between my legs. The fabric was harsh against me, but it brought the little relief I needed, yet still not enough.
“You look so sexy, when I saw you I wanted to devour you on the spot.” Yunho whispered in my ear as he flexed his thigh, drawing out another quiet moan from me as I gripped his shoulders, arms going around him and pulling him more into myself.
“You’re so fucking hot.” I gasped out against his cheek as I pressed my nose against his skin, kissing his heated cheek, and grinding just a little bit harder against his thigh, yet it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t satiating enough anymore, and my body was on fire, and my walls were clenching around nothing, “Fuck, Yuyu, why did you start this?”
Yunho groaned and suddenly I felt his hands slipping down my legs, gripping the fabric of the dress harshly as he started hiking it up, “Careful, the dress isn’t mine.”
“I don’t give a shit about the dress, Y/N,” He bit back, voice strained as he bunched up the skirt around my hips and yanked at my panties, his hands frantically going to unbuckle his belt and undo his zipper and button of his jeans. I gulped as I looked down at Yunho’s length, hand reaching out and wrapping around his cock, squeezing it as I stroked him slowly, making Yunho throw his head back as he let out airy breaths, sounding close to choked back moans.
“Fuck, I’m going to fuck you hard, angel.” He suddenly opened his eyes and connected out gazes, gripping my wrist and pulling my hand off his length and he pushed his jeans and boxer further down his thighs. He gripped the back of my thighs and made me jump as he lifted me off my feet, my legs wrapping around his hips for stability as I held on to him with my arms as well, our bodies flush against each other. Yunho looked me in the eyes and I licked my lips before teasingly licking Yunho’s, his eyes darkening instantly. I chuckled, but my amusement was short lived as he aligned himself at my entrance and pressed in with one fluid moment, stretching me out and making my eyebrows furrow as I let out a loud gasp, pressing my forehead against Yunho’s as the stretch slightly burned. It had been more than a week since we’d slept with each other, and his size was something my body just never fully got used to. I gulped, but my throat was still dry as Yunho moved, pulling out and then pushing back in as he pinned me up against the door. His pace was slow and dragged out, taunting me and teasing me as he smirked, lips parted as he was lightly panting. My body was burning and my walls were pulsing around his length, as the friction wasn’t good enough anymore, making me whine as my nails dug through Yunho’s shirt and into his skin.
“Yunho, please.” I whispered against his lips as I moved my own hips, trying to get something more out of this, but Yunho just chuckled.
“You think you deserve it after everything you’ve done with Wooyoung tonight?” He nuzzled his nose against mine, and tears gathered in my eyes out of frustration as my hips desperately tried to quicken the pace.
“Fuck, Yunho,” I gritted my teeth at him, one hand untangling from around his shoulders and going to grip his neck, “We were just talking, for fuck’s sake—”
He suddenly pulled out almost all the way and slammed back in, cutting my words off and breath stilling in my throat as I gasped loudly, moan dying out in my throat, “Just talking, you say. Keep on talking right now, then. I bet you have something smart to say.”
And then he pulled out all the way and slammed back in, ramming my body back against the door each time, my toes curling as my legs tightened around his hips, pulling out wanton moans each time he did it, “Oh, Yunho—fuck—please pick up the pace—”
And he smashed his lips against mine as he started moving quickly, hips slamming back against mine as he quickened his pace, my walls clenching down tightly against Yunho’s dick as he moaned into my mouth loudly, hiking my body up higher with each one of his movements, my fingers tangled in his hair as I gripped on for dear life, trying to bite down my moans. Yunho’s pace was ruthless as he plunged into me faster and faster, his big hands gripping my thighs so harshly it surely would leave fingerprints on my skin. I moved down on his length, trying to match his rhythm as the pleasure was building up in my lower stomach, desperately needing more of Yunho as he groaned and buried his head in my neck, nipping on my skin as I pressed a hand against my mouth to try and muffle my moans, head thrown back as my back arched, Yunho finally hitting my sweet spot, and it made me clench around him as his length twitched, his teeth sinking down into my neck.
“You’re mine, angel—” Yunho gasped as I clenched around him again, my hips moving messily as I was chasing my own release, brain beyond fogged up and desperate to finish, “Mine. Tell me you’re mine.”
I whimpered as Yunho’s long finger found my clit and started toying with it, never quite rubbing it the way he was supposed to, frustrating me to no end as tears gathered in my eyes again, yanking on his hair hard.
“Say it, Y/N, you’re mine.” His voice was deep and dark, and I gasped as he started pulling me down aggressively on his dick, rubbing my clit harshly, my body shaking as my climax was finally building up, Yunho’s quiet groans getting louder as his voice was becoming higher pitch, close to his own release as well.
“I’m yours, fuck, Yunho, I’m yours.” I gasped out and quickly kissed him hard, our teeth clashing against each other as Yunho shoved his tongue down my mouth, muffling my keens as my walls squeezed around his length, finally the bundle in my lower abdomen exploding as my body shook, Yunho the only thing on my mind as I squeezed my eyes tightly shut. Yunho’s pace never once slowed down as he guided me through my orgasm, soon coming too as I whined against his lips, bodies flushed together as Yunho’s hips pushed against mine harshly, movements halting as he jerked his hips a few more times, his seed warm inside as we panted into each other’s mouths.
“Open your eyes.” Yunho’s voice was raspy and I licked my dry lips as I pried my eyes open, taken aback by the intense look in his eyes. They were completely dark, not an ounce of warmth in them, the chocolate brown now almost black as he suddenly held my chin tightly, tilting my head back as he glared down at me, “Get it into your fucking head that you’re mine, and no other man is allowed to touch you. You think I didn’t see how many times Wooyoung reached for your wrist? Let it happen one more time, Y/N, and I will fucking kill him. You’re mine.”
And as if to prove a point, he bucked his hips against mine, my walls involuntarily clenching down on his dick, my heart beating erratically. In all these two months of being with him, of spending hours and hours with Yunho, I had never seen him like this. The pure animalistic look in his eyes, the anger on his face, and the threat dripping from his tone…it scared me. It reminded me of who he really was, and it made me question if I wanted this. But could I flee if it came down to it? Would he let me? Or would he threaten to kill me like he just threatened to kill Wooyoung. Would—would Yunho really kill Wooyoung?
“Just let me down.” I managed to whisper, voice shaky as I averted my gaze, lightly pushing at his shoulders.
“Do you understand?” But Yunho didn’t budge, instead jerked my chin to make me look him in the eyes again. I clenched my jaw and gulped down everything I wanted to say.
“I do.” I snapped, eyes glaring back at Yunho as he finally slipped out and placed me on my feet, legs wobbly for a few seconds as I quickly pulled up my panties and pushed the dress down, gulping as I ran my fingers through my hair. Yunho quickly fixed himself, but the look remained on his face. The man standing in front of me wasn’t the man I thought I knew all this time, it was unnerving, “What if I want to end it? Right now. Everything. What if I want you out of my life, forever?”
A sinister smirk appeared on Yunho’s face as he placed his hands out, caging me against the door and himself again, dipping his head down. I gulped, but stood my ground, not backing down. I held his challenging gaze, fought against his attempt at trying to intimidate me, “Then I will brand you. And no other man will touch you ever again, angel. You think you want that?”
“Fuck you, Yunho.” I hissed and slammed my hands against his chest as I pushed him back, away from myself. My mind was a mess as I tried to sort out my thoughts, to calm my nerves and the anger blooming through my whole body, “Are you fucking obsessed with me? Or what’s your fucking deal?!”
I didn’t mean to raise my voice, but I had started shaking, and the way Yunho was treating this whole ordeal wasn’t helping. He looked like we were talking about the groceries we bought, his neutral mask slipping on again, his eyes lighter, but the glint still dangerous in them.
“Wouldn’t you want to know that?” His voice was light, but the chuckle made me shiver as I shook my head, “Let me tell you this. There are no coincidences.”
And without letting me to say anything back, he unlocked the door and pulled me to the side, opening it. He smiled sweetly all of a sudden and draped an arm around my shoulders as he pulled me into his side, pressing a swift kiss against the side of my head. I hissed, but didn’t pull away, eyes searching the hallway as we stepped outside, hoping that nobody heard us.
“And now we go back and you better not hide that beautiful neck of yours, angel, maybe Wooyoung will understand finally.” Yunho chuckled like he said the funniest thing on Earth and grinned at me as I looked up at him, dumbly realizing that he’d been biting and sucking at my neck to leave marks for everyone to see. I felt mortified at the thought of everyone from the table seeing, but what I wasn’t ready for was the way Wooyoung was sitting between Mingi and Jongho now, not once meeting my eyes when we returned with Yunho, as I took my previous seat with Yunho on my right. And he went back to talking and acting like nothing happened as Mingi, him, and Jongho continued drinking, Wooyoung sometimes joining in, but not as lively as before. Mingi informed me that Seonghwa and Sooyoung had left while we were busy, Sooyoung having fallen asleep on Seonghwa’s shoulder. It felt like the night I had hoped to enjoy to the fullest was coming to a disastrous end, and I couldn’t help but cringe when I felt Yunho’s big hand wrapping around my thigh and squeezing it, leaving his hand there until we had to leave. Without many words exchanged between Yunho and I on the way back to his apartment, I knew I would be held hostage at his place for a few days, not once letting me out of his sight.
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            And even with three weeks passing since that incident in the pub, things were still tense between Yunho and I. I was wary of him, rightfully so. I stopped hanging out with him for a longer period of time or too often, letting life carry on as I realized despite always working on my assignments with Yunho, I was hella behind on them. Yunho might have helped me study more, but I was behind on important sketches I had to hand in in one week maximum, and my mind was a mess at the moment as I scrambled around in the library, very possibly late to my shift at the convenience store. Mingi was kind enough to come to the library and help me out, draw a few sketches himself so that I wouldn’t have much leftover for the weekend as I had a shift each day at the store. Despite Yunho and I not talking as often as before, Mingi remained close to me and never once pressured me into talking about what was going on. He never even once mentioned Yunho, usually me being the one to bring him up, even if briefly. Mingi seemed dismissive of the subject and had said that he genuinely grew to like me and considered himself my friend, therefore he was staying neutral as Yunho kept yapping off his ears about me. I felt grateful to Mingi, happy that he wasn’t pushing anything between Yunho and I like Sooyoung was. I couldn’t tell her the full extent of our fight, and thus, she didn’t really get it why I was making such a big deal out of it. And of course, because of this, she almost daily told me how stupid I was, and how much I was fucking up everything when Yunho was literally perfect, and perfect for me as well…but if only she knew the real side of Yunho, the one he never showed at university, she wouldn’t think so highly of him.
In the sparse time that we did meet up, it usually resulted in us simply fucking and Yunho trying to make me understand as to why he kept pressing the hand at matter, and why he was so possessive. I just couldn’t find it in me to hear him out anymore, and that often times lead to us fighting again, only to have furious make-up sex. Things weren’t going well; I couldn’t find the essence of whatever was going on between the two of us anymore. I hated the fact that I got attached to him, and I hated the fact that I continuously gave in to him when I knew this wasn’t good for me anymore. And Yunho just always knew what to say to pull me back in, but what was the worst, was that I could see the sincerity on his face and the pain in his voice whenever he told me that he missed me, and that he wanted things to go back to how they were just weeks ago. And to be honest, I wanted the same thing. I wanted to forget about this whole fucked up issue at hand and just live obliviously and happily with Yunho, but I couldn’t, not when Wooyoung couldn’t even meet my eyes and barely even talked to me anymore when we crossed paths at university. I have no idea what has happened, but it wasn’t hard to guess that Mingi and Jongho must’ve talked to him while Yunho and I were in the restroom at the pub. And quite alarmingly, Wooyoung had a busted lip the following day, raising my suspicions that Yunho took this way too far. But no matter how many times I pressed him about it, he just stayed quiet, he avoided looking at me, and even acted like he couldn’t hear me. It was frustrating, so after a while, I let it go. My mind was a mess and I didn’t know how to figure things out anymore. I needed space and time away from Yunho, but he swore that if I dared disappearing or going no-contact on him, he would turn the world upside down until he found me. The look in his eyes when he said that was more than scary, and I left with my body shaking that night and calling Sooyoung to ask whether I could sleep over at her place or not.
There were times when Yunho scared me, but most of all, the scariest was the way my trust in him had started fading away, not letting me rest for one second. If I couldn’t trust him anymore, what was I doing? Why was I pressuring myself? Maybe because I did believe that Yunho would do anything to get back to me, and the fact that Sooyoung was now dating one of his close friend’s and Mingi also became a good friend of mine felt like a web, like he was a spider and I was cornered from every part, tangled up in his well-calculated web. But there was also a part of me which wished to solve all of this, to just talk it out and put it past us, because my feelings were growing for Yunho the longer we were separated. I didn’t exactly understand why, but whenever we did meet, I felt like I was whole again. Like I was at peace with myself, like I was complete. I have never ever felt like this with anyone before, and it was scary. I didn’t want him to have such power over me, but I have long stopped being able to control such feelings. I just knew that despite him scaring me sometimes, he was just as attached to me as I was to him, and he had proven numerous times that he’d bring even the stars down for me if that’s what I asked for.
I had the evening shift at the convenience store today, and by the time I could finally close it up, the streetlamps had been long turned on, the moon high up in the sky as it was clear of clouds, a few starts visible here and there. The late evening air was nothing but fresh, not chilling for once, the breeze quite invigorating as I had started getting sleepy a while ago. I’ve had a long day at university, and Yunho had been also begging me to sleep over at his apartment as we hadn’t seen each other in three days. I didn’t feel quite ready to spend the night there yet, and therefore I kindly refused him and told him I still had to study, and I didn’t want to bother him as I knew he had to go to the hospital early in the morning for his residency. There was a strange feeling of déjà vu as I turned down the side of the building, nearing the narrow passageway between the two buildings to cut short my journey towards home, the last bus having left, I had no choice but to walk. For some reason I felt uneasy as I gripped my backpack’s straps tightly in my hands and fastened my walk, my heart picking up. I couldn’t see danger, but if my body was reacting like this, I knew it had a reason, and I had to get away from here as fast as possible. But not even ten steps away from the end of the passageway, I was harshly yanked back by my backpack, gasping loudly as I was pushed into the side of the building. For a second I wished it was Yunho as my heart almost exploded by how fast it was beating, and the flashbacks I had to the night when Yunho had to save me from those three creeps freaked me out even more. What if it were them? Coming back to taunt me now that Yunho wasn’t here? But as I tried to run, I was slammed back into the brick wall and held by the collar of my jacket, immobilized against the wall as a tall form loomed over me. I felt joy for a second, hoping it was Yunho, but the man was taller and his scent was unfamiliar. He was dressed fully in black and had his face covered by a black facemask, a black beanie concealing his hair as well. As I stared into his eyes dumbfounded, I came to realize with horror, that this was the same man who had once purchased something from the convenience store, inquiring whether I worked there often.
“What—what do you want?” I managed to stammer out, making the man’s sharp eyes narrow.
“Where’s Jeong Yunho?” How did he know Yunho? Why was he looking for him? As the man’s grip tightened around my collar, I quickly shook my head, body shaking from fear of what would happen to me now. Could this possibly be someone Yunho had problems with? I did hear him once talking on the phone, threatening to kill someone if they didn’t stop trailing him. And then I remembered that Chan guy, and it just made me shake even worse. I could see the satisfaction in the man’s eyes as my eyebrows furrowed.
“I don’t know.” I lied, but it also wasn’t a lie. I really didn’t know where he was right now, maybe he was at home. The man just tsked and shook me harshly, making me whimper as he leaned closer. I tried to keep my eyes clear of tears, but even my head was shaking from fear. He was too tall and too strong for me to even try to overpower him.
“Don’t lie to me, bitch!” The man snapped and I jumped as he was suddenly shouting while being all up in my face, “I know you’re Yunho’s whore, that motherfucker! Tell me where he is!”
“I swear I don’t know!” I screamed, eyes filled with tears finally, gripping the mans gloved wrists as he slammed me into the brick wall again, making me whimper, “Please, I really don’t know. Please—”
“Shut up, whore.” The man hissed, eyes narrowing as if he remembered something, “Do you have a tattoo?”
My eyebrows furrowed as a few tears ran down my cheeks and I gulped, about to shake my head no, but I suddenly remembered that Chan guy asking me the same thing. And then my mind was a mess as I racked through memories, trying to remember what Yunho had once said about being branded by a gang.
“Speak up, bitch!” The man screamed again and I quickly nodded, gulping as I tried to look as convincing as I could.
“Yes, yes, I have!” I tried to breathe through my nose, but it was hard as my throat was closing in on me, “An A—I—I have it. Ateez, isn’t it? You know them?”
“Fuck.” The man hissed, and I could see the hatred and venom in his eyes as he yanked me into himself. Yunho had once said that if you were branded by one of the gang members as their partner, nobody else from a rival gang could touch you, unless they wanted to start a war against that gang and every other one the respective gang was in good connections with, “You stupid whore, were you branded by Jeong Yunho?”
“Yes.” I nodded, head shaking as I started sweating, praying to God this man wouldn’t ask me to show him my tattoo. If I had to—I could only fear what would happen to me as I had lied through my teeth.
“Fuck!” The man exclaimed again and suddenly let go of me, but not before raising his fisted hand and making me scream as it came towards my face. I squeezed my eyes shut and braced myself for the upcoming pain, but it never came. I was on the verge of sobbing as I opened my eyes, and I was met with the view of the man cackling and looking satisfied as my legs gave out and I slid down onto the dirty ground lifelessly, watching as he looked at his hand proudly.
“Tell Jeong Yunho, sweetheart, that what I did today was a cordial warning.” He crouched down and raised my head by my chin, almost cooing at me as I was now crying, “And that next time he’d find you dead in a ditch if he doesn’t hand over all the money he’d made on selling our stuff, sweetheart, alright?”
I sniffed as I nodded, averting my eyes as the man suddenly leaned closer, masked face pressing against my ear as his voice dropped a few octaves, “I know you weren’t branded, sweetheart, Yunho is quite bad at keeping his mouth shut about you. Isn’t that dumb? Figures he’d be smarter, sweetheart, especially considering how secretive he is about everything else. Lovely chit chat we had, enjoy the rest of your evening now!”
My whole body shook with sobs as the man walked away with a skip in his steps, laughing at my agony as I pulled my knees up into my chest, burying my head into my legs as I sobbed harder, realizing that I could’ve died right here at the hands of this man. I couldn’t think straight as I shakily took my phone out of my pocket and blindly dialed the number I knew by heart now, trying to calm my sobs, but it wasn’t working. It only rung two times before he picked up.
“Angel—”
“Yuyu—” I gasped out, sobbing harder at the hear of his voice, “Please, please, come get me, Yuyu—”
“Y/N?!” I have never heard this much emotion in Yunho’s voice before as he sounded panicked, “Where are you? What happened?!”
“The passageway on the way home.” I managed to say in one breath before hanging up and continuing to cry curled up on myself and praying that Yunho would make it here as fast as he could. It wasn’t very far from his apartment, but he’d make fifteen minutes on feet, and I felt like fifteen more minutes spent alone would kill me. I couldn’t even think about that as another wave of sobs hit my body, lungs aching as I was heaving for air.
My loud wails died down at some point as I sat numbly on the cold and dirty ground, staring off into space as I clung to my knees, hugging myself to give as much self-comfort as I could. My body didn’t stop shivering and I suddenly heard the slam of a door and feet hitting the pavement quickly, making my body tense as I realized someone was approaching me again, and quite quickly. I flinched when I felt big, warm, hands around my biceps and I shook my head, slightly fighting against the person trying to hold me, until I heard their voice, “Y/N, it’s me. Yunho, Yuyu. What happened, oh my god, are you alright?”
And I looked ahead, eyes falling on the familiar soft face of Yunho’s, chocolate brown eyes filled to the brim with worry, and lips downturned as he looked like he was fighting his own tears. It made my own eyes fill up with tears again as I suddenly sprung forward, clinging to Yunho as he fell back without complaining, and allowed me to crawl into his lap as I held tightly onto him, burying my head in his pink hoodie, his cologne familiar and bringing the comfort I much needed. I started crying again, a lot quieter this time, as my body shook and Yunho lightly swayed us, holding me tightly against himself as he patted the back of my head with one hand. His other palm was pressed flatly against my back, making me wonder when had my backpack slipped off.
“I’m here now, it’s okay.” Yunho whispered into my ear as he pressed a chaste kiss against my temple, “You’re safe with me, angel, you’re safe. It’s alright, don’t be scared anymore.”
I sniffed as my tears somehow stopped falling, eyes dry and burning as I buried my nose into Yunho’s neck, tightening my arms around his neck as his body molded against mine, allowing me to disappear into him. Yunho kept pressing kisses against my temple, muttering reassuring words as he not once stopped petting my head. It felt like my mind and body finally calmed down, the aggressive shaking turned into a tremor and I tried to speak, but my throat was hoarse. I licked my lips and sniffed loudly, clearing my throat as I clutched at Yunho’s nape, closing my eyes as I pressed them against the warm skin of his smooth neck.
“Yunho, they—” My throat closed in one me and I had to pause as my lips trembled again, “He said he’d kill me next time.”
My voice was barely above a whisper and my body tensed as it felt Yunho tensing against me, his grip suddenly tightening against me. For once it didn’t feel restrictive, it felt safe, “He said, if—if you don’t hand over the money you made selling their stuff, I’ll—they’ll kill me.”
Yunho’s loud cursing took me off guard and the second he felt me tensing, he quickly quieted down and pressed again kisses against my neck, switching to mutter reassuring things once again, “They won’t ever again touch you, Y/N, I swear on what’s dearest to me. I won’t let them. Never. Ever.”
“Yunho, I—” I sniffed and pried myself slowly back so that I could look in his eyes, “I lied to them about the tattoo.”
I pressed a hand against his chest, where his own branded A tattoo was, and Yunho bit his lower lip, “But they knew I didn’t have it, Yunho.”
His eyebrows furrowed even more as his face was full of confusion, hand coming to cup my cheek as his other hand slipped to my waist, “How did they know…”
“They said you talk a lot about me.” My voice was quiet as Yunho and I looked into each other’s eyes, making him gulp as he looked shameful.
“Fuck, this is all my fault.” He let out a breath and my heart clenched seeing him like this, “Fuck, I’m so fucking stupid. There’s a mole in our gang.”
I just looked at Yunho as his soft features switched into one of pure fury, warm eyes on fire as he looked down to the side. My chest felt heavy as I was finally able to release a long sigh, chewing on my lower lip. If I was involved with Yunho, would I ever be safe? Was there really a guaranteed way to protect myself if he wasn’t around? Was there a way to prevent another situation like this one from happening?
“If I—if I get the tattoo,” My voice was quiet as Yunho slowly looked back at me, a newfound glint appearing in his eyes, “will they never again touch me? Will I be safe?”
“You’re safest with me.” The answer was instant, but then he nodded, “But yes, the tattoo is the closest thing you can get to keeping yourself as safe as if you were with me, angel.”
I gulped, feeling crestfallen at what I was about to ask, “Do you think I could get it tonight?”
I had no idea what the time was, but it certainly would be nearing midnight soon. Yunho’s face was rendered with surprise, until very slowly, a smirk appeared on his lips, cupping my cheeks as he pulled our faces inches away from each other, “Yeah, I know a place.”
I let out a shaky breath and closed my eyes as I nodded, “Okay, let’s go there.”
“Fuck,” A rasped breath left Yunho’s lips, “I love you. Y/N, I’m fucking in love with you.”
And before my eyes could fly open in shock, Yunho’s lips were pressing against mine softly, but urgently, making my whole-body light up with fire. I kissed him back with a newfound passion as my eyebrows furrowed and my lips moved against his firmly, trying to convey everything I felt into the kiss. I never thought I’d hear those words leave Yunho’s lips, certainly not directed at me, and it shook my whole being. The kiss didn’t last for long, but when Yunho pulled back, he pressed three more kisses against my lips, peppering my face with even more, making me melt into him.
“God, I’m so in love with you it’s painful, Y/N.” He whispered against my skin and my heart clenched at his confession, making me bite my lower lip as I opened my eyes. Yunho was already watching me and it surprised me seeing adoration written all over his face, in his eyes, on his lips as he pressed a small kiss against my nose, “Let’s go, Wooyoung will probably be elated to talk to you again.”
“Wooyoung?” How was he suddenly important?
“Yeah, he does all the branding on our gang members—” I didn’t like the amused look on Yunho’s face as he slowly peeled me off himself as I came to stand shakily, “Did you think I was the only member of Ateez?”
“No, I—” I shrugged, head thumping by now, “I don’t know, I never thought about it.”
“Yeah, angel,” Yunho chuckled as he took my hand and lead me towards his black Maserati, “how do you think I met Jongho and Seonghwa?”
I gulped, something coiling in my gut. What had I gotten myself into? “And Mingi?”
“We’re best friends since primary school, but yeah, he’s also part of Ateez.” And suddenly the picture-perfect image I had of Mingi in my head came crashing down too, just like the unease as I thought about Wooyoung and his bubbly personality, wondering just how many more people around me were involved with gang activity.
Yunho opened the door for me and helped me inside as my body still had slight tremors, the shock not having worn off entirely, and suddenly he raised my hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss against my knuckles, “I love you.”
And I would say it back at my own pace, and when I truly felt that I loved him. There were too many things he was still hiding from me. Issues we still had to solve. Love, was something I was scared to admit to feeling just yet towards Jeong Yunho. He was everlasting and encompassing, ravishing your whole being, keeping you locked in. And if he really loved me, I knew he would wait for me, I knew he would want me to be sure of it when saying it back. I didn’t know what the future had in store, but if Yunho swore to keep me safe, I blindly put my trust in him once again, praying to stay oblivious to the dark world he was meddling in. Perhaps a few more flower bouquets, and I might just say it back.
But deep down, I already knew I was in love with the man sitting next to me in the car, with Jeong Yunho.
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⟨Masterlist⟩
253 notes · View notes
risuola · 9 months
Note
Hi!!!!
I dunno the correct process for making a request but here goes!! I LOVE YOUR STUFF I HAVE BEEN BLESSED.
Smut for Nanami Kento, any AU, fem reader, with 58, 81 and 85 as prompts!!
Thank you so much and have a lovely day!!
WINE STAINS
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WINE STAINS — F. READER x NANAMI KENTO
As time passed, you noticed Kento became more and more distant. You loved him, oh so much, and you wanted to give him freedom. Six months after you broke up with him, he's standing at your doorstep.
cw: smut, possible spoilers? – most likely inaccuracies in the timeline, unprotected sex, oral (m. receiving), clit play, bits of angst, alcohol and meds usage briefly mentioned, minor injury + blood mentioned, violence mentioned, reader discretion is advised — 4,3k words
PROMPTS: 58. I miss doing nothing with you. 81. You think that this is easy for me? 85. I think I’ve lost my mind.
a/n: thank you! 🩶 it turned out to be a little long, but what can I say... I like writing long. anyway, hope you like it!
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There was a time in your life when you felt like the luckiest woman in the whole universe. Every single one of your days was overflowing with happiness and gratitude, as if you were high on all the love you held in your heart. Two years of this feeling made you lost in the dream; the sun was brighter then, the birds were singing more vibrantly, and the long summer nights seemed to never end as you spent each and every one of them in the embrace of Nanami Kento. He was a man written by a woman – kind and gentle, but with a roughness hidden inside the breathtaking shell of attractiveness. His voice could make any woman's knees buckle, and you were lucky enough to fall asleep and wake up to that alluring tone. Those two years have made you blind.
A year ago, things began to change, but you didn't notice how Kento began to seek some personal space, distancing himself from your ever-loving embrace. He started working overtime, which he hated more than anything else, but you had no reason not to believe him when he told you time after time that he had to stay at the office for extra hours. Then he would often be tired, prying from your touch, and the long, passionate kisses would turn into quick pecks on the cheek. Countless nights you spent looking at the empty space in the bed, crying silently while Nanami slept on the couch. Cold pillows and unscathed covers made you realize that he didn't love you anymore, and it was already too late.
July 3rd, 2022 Exactly six months ago, you welcomed Nanami home for the last time, with all your things already moved out of the apartment that had been the source of your happiness. "What is it?" he asked then, looking around the empty spaces that had once been filled with memories, and you took his face into your cold, trembling hands. "Today is your birthday, my love," you began, doing everything not to crumble to pieces, "I want to give you back your freedom." He answered with silence, which you took as acceptance. "You have dinner in the kitchen, please eat well. I left you a small gift as well. Take care of yourself, be happy, okay?" you smiled, but your eyes betrayed you as tears gathered along your lash line, but you blinked them away and exhaled, your breath quivering and your heart drumming in your chest so hard you thought it would burst through your ribcage. "I think I've taken everything that's mine. All I'm leaving is my love."
Standing on your tippy toes, you kissed Nanami's lips for the last time, smoothed the soft skin of his cheeks and inhaled his musky scent for the last time. All of it was your last with him. The last goodbye you whispered against his mouth as a tear rolled down your cheek, and then you left the apartment. You remember how his hand slid down your arm as you walked past him, but he didn't stop you. Your fingertips brushed against his, but he didn't try to grab you. You made it through the Uber ride, even exchanging a few forced jokes with the driver, but when the doors to your new apartment closed behind you, you broke down. First night you spent on the floor, crying yourself to exhaustion in the cold emptiness.
January 3rd, 2023 Today, on the six-month anniversary of the worst day of your life, you look up at the sky and smile softly as the lone tear rolls down your cold-flushed cheek. Holding onto the paper cup filled with hot coffee, you can't help but wonder if he's happier now. People say time flies, but for you, the last few months have been torturous as you spent day after day trying to numb yourself with busy life, alcohol, and dulling meds. Nothing really seemed to help, no matter what you did or swallowed, nothing was able to free you from the heartache, as if the eternal love you had for Nanami had become one with your soul. So you stopped searching for a way to heal by force and allowed yourself to go through it, with all the sleepless nights, used tissues and missed meals.
Now, as you sit on the bench in the crowded park, you look out at the people rushing through the January coldness, and when your eyes land on a couple so lovely and affectionate, your mind wanders back into the memories. Many cold days, just like this one, you spent with Nanami, shamelessly stealing his warmth and hiding in the safe embrace of his strong arms. Those days were your favorite, the low temperatures gave you more reasons to never part from him, and he always made sure you stayed warm. He was so gentle with you, carrying you like a princess and holding your hands with care as he planted endless kisses all over your reddened cheeks and knuckles. Today, on the third day of the new year, you sit alone, the only source of heat being the coffee, which is now more lukewarm than anything else.
Exhaling, you finish your drink and stand up, throwing away the empty cup and entering the crowded alleys, moving forward with no destination, taking in the aura of Tokyo before leaving for good. It's been a few weeks since you decided to move somewhere else in the world, somewhere far away from where everything reminds you of how happy you used to be, but it's only now that you've finally found the strength to book tickets. With them printed in your apartment, you felt a little lighter, knowing that you're about to start a new chapter, one that will hopefully be brighter and happier. With new streets you've never walked through, with new people you've never talked to, with new cafes, new bakeries, new lakes and parks. You hoped to leave the sadness behind and start living again, not just pretending to be alive, but could you really do that anywhere in the world, when the sky and the stars and the moon and the sun that witnessed all the love you shared with Kento remain the same?
January 7th, 2023 Last night in your apartment, you sit down in the empty space, next to the few boxes that are left and yet to be taken by your father to be stored in their house and later shipped to your new home. One night is all that separates you from the anxiety-driving mixture of airports, flights, and a new life you've put so much hope into. One more night, and maybe you'll be able to find sparks of happiness again. Maybe the unknown will take up enough of your headspace that you'll start appreciating what you have instead of mourning what you've lost. Maybe.
"Cheers to new life," you mutter to yourself as you raise a half-full glass of cheap red wine into the air and take a sip. The unpleasant, tart taste twists your features for a second and you exhale deeply. "Fucking new life, my ass."
As the glass shatters against the wall where you just threw it, you groan to the heavens and despite all intentions to leave it as it is, you get up, grab a cloth and a bag and kneel down to pick up all the pieces and clean the red puddle from the wood before it stains it permanently. It gets tiring quickly, you don't have anything to sweep the floor with, you don't even have a bowl to rinse the cloth in, and as you shuffle between the living room and the kitchen, you make more mess than it's worth.
With a soft groan, you toss the cloth into the sink when you hear a knock at the door. Neighbors, you think. They probably heard the sound of breaking glass and were disturbed, just as they have been bothered by every little sound during the six months you have lived there.
There were so many things that Nanami wanted and needed to tell you, and yet nothing came to his mind when he thought about how to even start the conversation. As he stood in an empty hallway looking at your doors, he wondered if you’d even open them. Maybe you'll know it's him, maybe you'll recognize the way he knocked, or you'll look through the peephole and just pretend you're not home. But the door opened, with an almost angry swing, and when he looked down at you, his heart stopped at the sight.
You were there, wearing a large, black t-shirt that had most likely been his own many months ago, but what Nanami immediately noticed were the bright red stains all over your hands, a few traces on your legs and even on your cheek. His mind went blank at the bloody image, his heart sank and all he could focus on was that you were hurt.
"What happened?" he asks immediately, reaching for your hands to examine them, but you pull them away taking a step back.
"Kento?" you mouth, no voice leaving your throat as you stare at the all-too-familiar frame at your doorstep. Of all people, he was the last one you wanted to see that night, right before leaving. All hope shattered as you realized just by seeing him that you'll never be able to get over him, no matter where you try to run away, he'll always be a part of your soul, he'll always have a part of your heart. "What are you doing here?"
"Can we talk? I know you're leaving tomorrow," he says, and you immediately ask, "Who told you?"
"Your friend. Listen, there are things I have to tell you, I have to explain what happened."
"Kento... why are you making this so hard for me?" you sigh, your voice almost a whisper as you let him in by stepping aside. "I have a flight tomorrow; I should rest now."
“You think that this is easy for me? That losing you was easy for me?" his voice flares up for a moment before he forces it back down. "Please, just let me explain, then you can do whatever you want."
"Alright," you nod, noticing that his eyes once again landing on your covered in red hands. "It's wine. I spilled it."
"You're bleeding."
"It's wine, I'm telling you..." you try to argue, but he grabs your hand and it’s only now that you realize that you are, in fact, bleeding. A few shards of glass are embedded in your flesh, ruby streaks mixing with wine stains, but you don't even feel it and for a moment it scares you how much you desensitized yourself to pain.
“Let me,” Nanami pulls you gently towards the kitchen, where he makes you sit on the chair as he kneels down in front of you, beginning to pull the pieces out with chapsticks – the only thing that you had left in the kitchen to later have some instant ramen.
“I don’t understand why would you come here, Kento. It’s been half a year.”
“I know. But I can’t just let you leave like that.”
“I have everything set up already, I have a flight-ticket, a house and work arranged. Tomorrow I’ll be homeless in Japan.”
“You have a home, don’t act like you don’t know where it is.”
You shake your head at his words, sighing and looking away as he works on picking up the shards from your palm. He caresses you gently whist he cleans your wounds and you feel like you're burning from every place he's touching you. It hurts physically to feel his fingers holding you so tenderly and you can feel the tears already gathering in your eyes. He is your home and the thought of leaving him is suffocating you. It began killing you the day you left on his birthday, and you don't even know how you managed to push through those six months.
“Nanami… All I ever wanted for you is to be happy.”
“Do I look happy to you?”, he lifts his eyes to yours, and all you can see is devastating loneliness that lingers inside his brown irises. In the dim light of your kitchen, you can see his darkened undereyes and the tiredness painted across his features. “Y/n, please, just listen to me.”
“Okay.”
As Nanami’s finished with your hand, he wraps his tie around it, the one that you’ve always jokingly called atrocious and he’s unbothered by ruining it. He stays on his knees, enclosing both of your palms inside his own, much bigger and as you feel him, you could swear his fingers are trembling.
“I lied to you. Over a year ago I left my office job,” he began and already you were confused, but he stopped you from speaking up. “I’ve always been… different. There are things in this world that are called curses. Spiritual beings manifested from cursed energy, a result of negative emotions that flow out of humans. They are harmful to society; they are violently taking lives. Regular people can’t see them, you most likely can’t see them as well, but there are those who call themselves jujutsu sorcerers. They see curses, fight them, exorcise.”
“Are you one of them?”
“I am. I studied at Jujutsu high here in Tokyo, but after losing my classmate I left and tried to live a normal life as a salesman. Wanted to earn enough money to retire at 40 and then have a peaceful life in some kind of paradise. But I hated the office more than I hated sorcery so one year ago I got back to fighting curses. Then I began distancing myself from you. Every time you asked so sweetly how was my day, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you that I just got home from the bloody murder scene. I thought it’s better for you to not know all of that, I wanted to keep you safe. It also felt wrong to lay down in bed with you, to touch or kiss you when just hour before, my hands were red. I couldn’t sleep with you when my body was bruised and I had no idea how to explain this to you.”
You stayed silent, taking in his words, watching his expression change from shame to guilt, through sadness and lost.
“When you had told me you’re leaving, I thought it might be better for you to find someone else. That you’ll be safer with someone else. The thought of you getting hurt by a curse because of me terrified me.”
“Wouldn’t I be safer if a sorcerer was there with me…?”, you ask and he exhales.
“Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t know. I’m sorry, y/n,” Nanami lowers his head, planting a kiss on top of your knuckles. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave. Don’t leave me. I miss you, I miss doing nothing with you, I miss everything. I should have never let you go; you are the sun in my life, without you I feel like I live in darkness.”
“I don’t understand much of what you just said to me, Kento,” you admit, sighing and releasing one of your hands from his hold only to cup his face and he leans into your touch immediately. “about the curses, I guess I’m just a regular person, but I love you with every fiber of my existence, no matter if you’re a normie, a sorcerer or whatever else.”
You feel him deflate, like the tension left his body the second you said you still love him and you can’t help but smile softly while smoothing over his cheekbone. So many months you dreamt about touching him once again, feeling his supple skin underneath your fingertips and taste his lips. You longed for him, for everything Nanami Kento was and now you were finally able to have him back.
“I love you just as much,” he mutters against the pulse on your wrist, kissing the delicate skin tenderly. “Please, come home with me. Come back to our home.”
“If you promise me that you won’t hide things like this from me. I might not understand any of this, but if what you’re doing is that emotionally wrenching, I want to be the safe space you can come home to,” you coo, tears washing over your eyes and you fall down to your knees, bones hitting the cold tiles painfully but you don’t care, as you cup his face in your palms. Unable to wait any more second, you press your lips onto his, gently at first, but when he molds his own against yours instantaneously, you lose it.
All you can feel in your body is want, you need him now, there. You need him closer, on you, inside you. You want to taste him, feel him, breathe him in, and that's all you've wanted for the last six months, constantly trying to convince yourself that it will pass.
"Need you to fuck me," you mumble against his mouth, pushing him to sit back as you climb onto his lap.
"God, I want nothing more," he whispers, his huge palms already on your butt, squeezing the tender flesh, and you can't hold back a smile as a breathy groan escapes his throat when you roll your hips, running your pussy precisely over his bulging crotch. The rough fabric of his pants pushes easily through the thin, dotted cotton of your panties, making you gasp as it teases your clit. "Fuck you and take you home."
"Please do," you almost cry as his long fingers slip underneath your underwear, landing directly over the sensitive bud, only to slide lower along your folds, collecting the slick and he smirks at how wet and needy you are for him. Another crashing kiss takes your breath away and you squeeze his shoulders to keep yourself from dizziness. All of your thoughts are kissed away, leaving your mind focused only on the man beneath you, and you reach down, quickly, almost impatiently, undoing the belt, button and zipper of his pants. You're burning with anticipation and lust, already intoxicated by the taste of his lips and the way his tongue dances with yours.
Cold air hits Nanami's cock as you pull him out of the restrictive cage of his boxers, and he purrs into your mouth as you wrap your dainty fingers around his fat girth, pumping him even harder than he already is. Unable to focus on anything but the pleasure of your cold palm stroking his length, he pulls away from the kiss and uses his one free hand to pull up your blouse and you obey, letting go of his dick just for a second to undress. He lifts you up with ease to remove your panties as well, and as you sit back on his lap, completely bare and so beautiful, he takes a second to admire the view. The dim kitchen lights give you a blurry aura, your figure lit from behind, with only reflections sparkling in your eyes and bouncing off the curves of your front.
"You are so divine," he breathes out, his rough palms running over your naked form and you chuckle at the act of worship. It's always been like this – every time Nanami would see you naked, he'd act as if you were the most beautiful sight in the world and he was seeing you for the first time.
"And I am yours," you grin, kissing his lips passionately as you roll your hips so that the underside of his stiff shaft strokes between your wet folds. Your juices rub over him as you swallow a grunt that rumbles in his throat as you tease him.
Done with your games, Kento takes you by the hips and you surrender to the strength he holds you with as he aims the angry, leaking head at your entrance. You can feel him stretching your hole as you slowly lower yourself to take him completely. Panting from the mind-numbing sensation of fullness, you rest your forehead against his.
"You're making me lose my mind," he whispers, helping you move your pelvis. "No, I think I've already lost my mind."
"I love you too."
It's slow and sensual, no rush is needed where there's so much emotion. You feel one of Kento's hands all over your body; his thumb finds your clit and skillfully rolls over it, adding another layer to your pleasure and instantly making your pussy twitch and squeeze. You lower your head onto his shoulder, forcing your fingers to cooperate, you fiddle with his button-up shirt to get more access to his skin, to his toned body, but your hands shake as you moan against the side of his neck.
His name slips from your lips like a prayer and he loses composure at the feel of your walls squeezing him so delightfully. You're taking him so well, swallowing every inch, allowing his blunt head to kiss your cervix again and again as his practiced fingers roll over your swollen bundle of nerves. You pick up the pace, holding him close as you smear sloppy, wet kisses all along his collar bones.
The room spins around the two of you, every flex of your pussy leaving Nanami breathless as you whimper louder, overwhelmed by the approaching orgasm. The abuse on your clit pushes you over the edge so quickly, and he encourages you with praise and pet names. "Don't hold it, babygirl," he commands, taking in the feel of your trembling body, your arched back, your flushed cheeks, and those sweet sounds. The melody that makes him proud, that makes him never want to hear anything but your pleasured sounds and it amazes him how easily he loses his composure when he's with you.
Usually, Nanami is nothing but a stoic, reserved man, confident in his steps and never putting too much emotion into anything, but you're able to turn him into a panting mess. You can make him stutter, act irresponsibly, forget his own name. You're the one who makes him smile, you're the one who brings joy and pleasure into his life, and if it weren't for you, he might have already given up chasing happiness.
"Kento, ah-" you call his name, blissfully dazed; your voice shuddering as your words sink into his skin, your lips brush against his neck and he mumbles affirmations under his breath, feeling his cock flex and harden even more, hugged by the tight embrace of your squelching pussy. Unable to speak coherently, his head falls back against the kitchen island, breathless moans and lust driven whimpers leaving his mouth as he keeps your hips moving, helping you ride out your orgasm, feeling himself getting closer and closer to his own. His mind goes blank, an echo of your heavy pants filling his ears, and the way your long nails scratch along his biceps and chest muscles drives him completely insane.
You bite your lower lip, grounding yourself as the overstimulation gets the better of you. After such a long break from his cock, it almost feels too much, the sheer size and girth of it making you see stars.
"Let me taste you," you ask, but it comes out as a plea and he can't refuse when you ask so nicely, so he lets go of your hips. Quickly you reposition yourself to kneel between his legs and kiss your way down, moving your knees back across the cold tiles. With your ass sticking up, you lower yourself to envelop your fingers around his slick with your juices member, pumping him at the base while you add your spit to the concoction of fluids. He's already throbbing and flexing in your grasp as you take him in your mouth; your tongue swirls around the head and strokes along the length.
You lick and suck, moving your head up and down, lightly grazing his cock with your teeth. Nanami throws his head back, his hands landing on top of your head where he gathers your hair into a makeshift pony as you work your magic. The wet, warm feeling of your mouth, mixed with the skillful dance of your tongue makes him dizzy and the way he sucks in his breath above you makes you happy. You love Nanami in a state of chaos and disorder.
"So... perfect..." he mutters, words breaking as he speaks, and you take him deeper, pressing the tip of his cock against your throat, and as you hum, the vibration of your vocal cords sends him over the edge. His grip on your hair tightens, the veins around his girth bulging and you know he's so close. As you continue to deepthroat him, you pick up the pace of your hand at the base of his dick and use your other hand to massage his balls. You feel his thigh muscles flex against your shoulders and he pushes your head down as he cums. Tears roll down your cheeks from the sudden pressure on your throat, but you obey until he lets go and you can guide him through his release. Nanami's cum fills your mouth, smearing all around as you milk him dry, sucking every last drop like it's nectar, savoring it before you swallow.
 Your movements slow down, you lick him few more times, gently pumping the length until he pulls you up into a tight embrace of his strong arms. You lean against his chest, his heartbeat right beneath your ear, and you close your eyes to listen to its melody. You don't know how long the two of you have been lying in silence on your kitchen floor, and frankly, you don't need to know as long as it's Nanami Kento you're with.
"Let's get cleaned up and I'll take you home," he finally says, the words pressed against the top of your head as he plants soft kisses there and all you can do is agree.
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mimimui · 11 months
Note
I saw your "genshin boys asking for a kiss" and i felt like melting into a puddle it's so cute... ㅜㅡㅜ if i may ask, how would the sumeru boys react to reader who is unable to sleep because of their cold? like they try to sleep but the pounding headache, clogged nose, etc is preventing them to do so sobs
thank you so much beforehand!
sumeru boys versus your cold
includes: alhaitham, kaveh, tighnari, cyno
tags: established relationship, endearments, fluff, kinda ooc(?) maybe, not proofread i'm sorry, mention of rudolph (is there even a rudolph in genshin? well there is now)
a/n: thank u so much! ♡⸜(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)⸝♡ i'm also currently suffering from a severely clogged nose so i understand the feeling x_x thanks for the request anon <3 i kinda struggled writing alhaithams aaa i hope it's still ok :') as always .. enjoy !
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alhaitham knows you're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, so when you started sneezing this morning, he didn't think much of it. he told you to drink some water and take meds, but that's mostly it. only when he was about to retire to your shared bed was when he noticed your loud, constant sniffling.
"(y/n), did you not take meds earlier?" he asks, switching the lamp back on. alhaitham places a hand on your shoulder, slowly moving you to face him. his eyes widen when he sees your red nose and tired eyes. "haitham.. can't sleep.." you mumble, your hands covering your face.
most people think alhaitham is a bit aloof, but they've clearly never seen him take care of you. he urges you to sit up, quickly getting a tissue for your runny nose. when you tell him, "i can't, my head hurts so bad.." he brings the tissue to your nose himself, asking you to blow into it.
this doesn't cure your clogged nose, however, as you continue to sniffle. he lays next to you, wrapping his arm around you, rubbing your back. "breathe through your mouth slower, copy me," he says, breathing at a slow, easy pace for you to replicate.
it takes some time for you to go to sleep, but even so, alhaitham stays awake the entire time, making sure you fall asleep before he does. when he notices your steady breathing and closed eyes, he smiles contently, glad that you were finally able to sleep.
"sleep well, my dear."
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kaveh is not a stranger to sleeping with colds, especially since he's prone to sickness from always stays up late. when you tell him you can't sleep because you have a clogged nose, he immediately asks you if you want meds, tissues, or both. as he babbles on, you can only laugh at his reaction when you say, "i want you."
"that's bold for someone with snot running down their nose," he says teasingly, which earns him a pillow getting thrown at his head. "ow! you're mean when you're sick, (y/n)." he jokingly pouts as he sits next to you on the bed, rubbing the spot you hit with the pillow.
his expressions turns into a sad one as you suddenly lie down, your headache making you groan. he looks around for a bit before handing you the box of tissues he meant to give you earlier, telling you to blow your nose to clear it up a bit.
"i can't do this anymore, kaveh. i hate being sick." you cover your face with the blanket, sniffling underneath. "i know, sunshine, i know," he says, patting your thigh gently. "we all get sick from time to time, but trust me, you'll feel better in no time!" his tone is optimistic, but he makes sure not to be too loud, for the sake of your headache.
"...can you help me fall asleep, please?" you peek through the blanket, watching his reaction to your request. he smiles warmly, lying down and continuing to pat your thigh. he hums a calm, familiar tune—one of your favorites that he sings—and you can't help but smile.
it may be hard to breathe at the moment, but rest assured kaveh will comfort you in any way he can.
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tighnari tells you to sit on the edge of the bed, in spite of your throbbing headache. you comply though, waiting for him to come back. it feels like a century when he returns to your room with a pot of steaming water. "place the blanket over yourself and the pot."
the hot steam hits your face and you wince a bit, not used to this kind of temperature. but when tighnari sits next to you and places a reassuring hand on your back, you find the steam a bit more bearable.
"nari, what does this do for me?" you ask, removing the blanket from over your head as 10 minutes pass. he mentions something about steam inahalation and so on, talking about how it can help relieve your clogged nose.
you're not yet entirely cured, but it's comfortable enough. he lies down next to you, an arm wrapping around your waist as he tells you he'll get medicine for you in the morning. his voice is soft, quiet, and gentle. it slowly fades away as you fall asleep, a satisfied tighnari beside you as he watches your eyes close.
"i'm happy to take care of you, my lover."
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cyno tries to distract you with corny jokes, but archons, as much as you love him, his jokes are only contributing to your headache. he sits down on the bed, holding a glass of warm water he got for you. "i have a joke about colds, but i hope you don't get it."
"cyno, i love you, but you realize i already have colds, right?" he chuckles at your stressed reaction, asking you to sit up so you can drink water. "do you know what kind of shoes colds wear?" you sigh as you lie back down, pulling the covers over your head.
"aaaaa shoe!" he follows up, smiling at his own joke. you feel his head hit the pillow beside you, his hand finding yours to hold. he uses his other hand to pull the blanket off your face, the moonlight illuminating even the redness of your nose.
"seems like i have my own rudolph." you squeeze his hand tightly and he chuckles. "i apologize, (y/n)," cyno says in a low voice, bringing your hand up to his lips. he closes his eyes as he tells you to breathe deeply, repeating the phrase 'breath in, breath out'.
it's still a struggle to fall asleep, but cyno doing his best to help you breathe easier makes you feel a bit better. if you thought he worked hard as the general mahamatra, he works hard at taking care of you as well.
"let's visit tighnari in the morning. rest easy, (y/n)."
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thanks for reading (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)
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atlasscrumpit · 7 months
Note
could i request platonic yan miguel dealing with a darling who won’t refuses to eat? do you think he would force feed them or would he just paralyze them and fit darling with a feeding tube?
Yandere Miguel x Reader
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"So, that's your bright idea?" Miguel asked, standing over you in the dim room.
"You're pathetic! I hate you and I'm not fucking eating unless you give me some freedom!" You screamed as his as he chuckled softly, his sharp teeth flashing.
"I thought you were smarter than that, sweetheart. But, go ahead. Starve yourself." He said before getting down on one knee in front of you.
"I'll let you starve yourself until one of three things happen, you beg me to feed you, I force food down your throat, or I paralyse you with my venom and force a tube into you. So, go ahead, darling. We'll see which one happens." He said reaching forward and running his finger over your cheek.
"Fuck you." You growled making him chuckle again.
He stood back up and shut the door, locking you in the room that was once filled with comfortable furniture and items but Miguel slowly took them away when you misbehaved.
So, now it was just an empty room with a single pillow.
You felt tears in your eyes before you curled up on the floor with your pillow and started to cry.
--
Miguel cake back in the morning and opened the door.
"Have you come to some sort of reasoning, darling? I've got a delicious breakfast waiting for you." He said as you looked up at him tiredly.
"No... I'm not eating unless you let me have some freedom." You growled as he knelt down and held your face in his hand.
"Come on now, love. You really don't want anything? Don't you want to be a good girl for me? Have some yummy breakfast." He whispered, gently playing with your hair.
"Fuck off." You growled before he gripped your chin roughly.
"You can't say I didn't try to be nice." He growled before leaving and slamming the door again.
--
Miguel returned 30 hours later to see you curled up and shaking on the floor.
"You gave me no other choice." He grumbled as you looked up at him weakly.
He knelt down and gently grabbed your hair, forcing your head to the side before he bit your neck, administering a small amount of venom, just enough to knock you out for a while.
He held you as you slowly fell asleep.
"There we go, darling. Such a silly girl aren't you? Making me do this, you're so stubborn." He muttered as he picked up your unconscious body.
He sighed and took your out of the room and into his room where there was a bed.
He covered you with a thin blanket before he brought out a med kit that was way in the back of his closet.
He took out a needle and administered it into your arm.
He sighed and brushed some hair from your face.
"You'll forgive me for this one day, darling."
--
You woke up hours later feeling groggy and tired.
"Mmm... Miguel?" You grumbled before Miguel rushed in.
"There she is... Oh, sweetheart. It's okay." He said as he sat on the side of your bed and stroked your face.
"What did you do?" You asked, feeling tears in your eyes.
"I fed you, darling. I told you you're options, you chose the hard route of me paralysing you and force feeding you." He said in a low voice as you groaned.
"And you're going to stay in this bed until you agree to start eating again... I'll give you some more freedom, but you need to work with me too." He said as you nodded a little.
"There's a good girl." He whispered with a smile while he stroked your face.
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