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subrenaspade · 5 months

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Twisted Wonderland x Reader :No Place For Children Heartslaybul Pt. 1

This story is just some cute fluff I thought that some of you all would enjoy. There might be some cursing, that's all I can think of at the moment. The reader does have a bit of a backstory, giving her a little bit of OC vibes, but besides some background elements the rest is up to you. I only write Female, if that bothers you I'm sorry, I'm used to writing female and I keep having to go back to take away she/her pronouns.

I do plan to make a series but more along the lines of while in this dorm for one chapter then while in this dorm for this other chapter.

A little background about the MC in my story so you're not all too lost. The MC used to suffer from androphobia (A fear of men), that has to do with some past trauma That I might go into more detail about later on if I decide to continue this story. The MC is also a Orphan losing her father at four, then her mother at fourteen, so there will be mention of family. The MC spent all her time in foster care, due to her mother being an orphan herself and her fathers family disowning him.

:(Prologue)

Heartslaybul: pt one (you are here)

Savanaclaw: Soon

Octavinelle: Soon

Scarabia: Soon

Pomefiore: Soon

Ignihyde: Soon

Diasomnia: Soon

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The second Riddle had caught sight of the troublesome duo, they had collars around their necks. They also got stuck on hedgehog duty, by themselves may I add. About an hour after arriving (Name) Woke up in the arms of Trey who, let's be honest, was using her as an excuse for some quiet time. (Name) pulled away from the green haired man with glasses with a start, confused about her surroundings. A hand was placed on her head, making her stop frantically looking around.

“Don't worry, (Name). You are just at Heartslabyul, our dorm.” Trey explained, the girl slowly relaxed at his gentle words. “How was your rest? You where really tired.” Trey laughed a little. (Name) nodded her head as she rubbed some of the lingering sleepiness from her eyes.

“Oh! (Nickname) is awake! Hey cutie!” A ginger with long hair and a red diamond under his green eyes almost squealed. The girl shrank a little in Trey's arms, making him send a scolding glare at Cater. “Sorry, I didn't mean to scare her.” Cater chuckled warily. Trey stroked her hair soothing the already nervous child.

“Its okay, He is my friend, Cater. I guess I have yet to introduce myself too, Im Trey.” He explained, knowing that this information might give the girl some comfort. She eyed both men before giving them a hesitant nod. Her body relaxed as she looked at the two boys.

“Hi Mister Cater and Mister Trey.” The girl said politely. Both boys looked at the young girl, feeling really old all of a sudden.

“You… uh can just call me Trey..” Trey muttered, feeling tired.

“Yeah, Just Cater…” Cater followed, sitting next to Trey to pull the girl into his lap. (Name) kinda sat there feeling like a baby getting passed around at a family reunion, once she remembered what happened in Crowley's office.

~~~(Moving to your POV cause this 3rd person is throwing me off)~~~

I shifted around as Cater started to play with my hair. As strange as it was, these strangers didn't seem dangerous to me, they almost felt comfortable. I jolted as I heard someone coming into the living room we were in. I turned around to see the man from earlier with something around his neck. I smiled at the sight of him, leaping off of Caters lap and rushed over to him.

“Ace!” I cheered as I wrapped my arms around his legs, earning a yelp from him. He had frozen in my grasp as I looked up at him. A sly smirk played on his lips as he kneeled down in front of me, meeting me at eye level.

“Hey pip squeak. I see you're awake now.” Ace said as he patted my head. I grinned at him with a nod. “It's good to see that you calmed down now. I thought that I was going to have to get the tickle monster after you earlier.” He said as he started to poke at my side. I let out a small squeal, giggling at his playfulness. I reached out and booped his nose, making him freeze. A slow evil smile played on his lips as he raised both hands slowly, wiggling his fingers to indicate that he was going to tickle me for real. I yelped as I bolted away and around the couch with him following me.

I let out playful cries for help, though it only made the boys chuckle or smile at us. After running around for a bit I finally started to feel my little legs tire out a little, so I ducked behind the leg of a navy blue haired boy who had entered with Ace when he came in. I held his leg breathing really hard, trying to catch my breath. Ace had stopped in front of us with his arms out ready to catch me. The boy looked down at me with a blush. I fisted his pants leg in my hands giving him my best pleading look. “Please help me, mister.” I begged he stiffened at my words looking shocked I was asking him for help. Ace froze at that too, giving me a shocked expression.

We all sat in silence for a few, then the boy swooped me off my feet and into his arms. A look with fierce determination and a challenging smirk played across his lips. Then… He bolted. I squealed as he took off down the hallway and out the door into the front yard or was it a garden. I saw Ace rushing after us and giggled into The boy's shoulder. “Deuce! You traitor!” Ace called out. I felt the boy laugh at the call out of his betrayal.

“It can't be helped! You saw her face!” The boy who I now know as Deuce called back. “She was too cute!”

I gave Ace an ornery wave as I tightened my grip on Deuces shoulders. Ace gave a scowl at me but soon replaced it with a smirk. He tried to pick up the pace, though Deuce still seemed to run faster than him. I then saw Aces face drop into what I would assume was horror. Followed by Deuce letting out a gasp and slipping on his own two feet. I yelped as I felt his feet slide under him, letting him land on his butt. He made sure to keep a firm grip on me, even going as far as to place a hand on my head to prevent me from bumping my head.

“What do you two think you're doing..” I heard someone seeth. I stiffened at the enraged tone, gripping Deuces jacket. Ace had caught up to us and stopped right next to us.

“We were just playing-” Ace was cut off with a stern voice.

“You two have yet to do the flamingo enclosure, and your out here playing?” I had finally looked up from Deuce's shoulder to see that it was the red haired boy from earlier. I shivered at the look of anger on his face. “First you cause an accident in your class, then you try to-” I looked down feeling guilty since I was the one who got them in trouble. I pushed off of Deuce, somehow getting out of his tight hold, making Riddle snap his lips shut. I stood in front of both of them, trying to act like a shield while looking down in shame.

“I-Im sorry mister. I was the one who had them play with me. I-If you need to punish me.” I claimed to feel my legs shake. I pulled all my courage to look up and met the red hairs glare. His eyes were wide as saucers and his mouth shut and closed like a fish out of water. Slowly his face turned red. He stood still as a statue and stared at me as if contemplating every life choice he made. Finally after defeating silence he sighed, seeming to relax. He moved his gaze back to Deuce and Ace.

“Go finish the rest of your chores.” He commanded, earning surprised looks from the two boys. He looked back down at me and held out his hand. “You will be coming with me, we need to talk for a bit.” He started, waiting patiently for me to take his hand. I nodded my head, taking his hand. I turned and waved at the two still shocked boys as we walked away.

~~~~~( third POV)~~~~

The little girl hung her head in shame as she was led through the hallways. Riddle felt a cold sweat run down his neck. Riddle can honestly say he had no clue what to do with her. He didn't have a real childhood like many of his peers, and he knew that not every child would be able to follow the rules that he had abided by in his raising. This meant that he had to control his temper and learn to let some rules go, even though it went against everything he learned.

He was normally very lenient with her since she was from another world with no knowledge of the rules here, but she had always made an effort into abiding all the ones she could remember and keeping in mind the ones he would explain to her if she broke a rule unknowingly. However a child wouldn’t be able to remember all of them, so with a talk with Trey, as long as there was really no harm he would let it go.

Finally making it to his room, he opened the door and ushered the young child in. He had asked Trey to bring in some tea and snacks that sat on the small coffee table in front of his chairs. Riddle finally released the girl's hand walking over to pour the tea.

“Go ahead and have a seat (Name).” Riddle ordered. The little girl who was sure she was in trouble, nodded her head and crawled onto the sofa waiting for her scolding to begin. She looked down at her hands in shame as she waited for him to start, only he never did. She stiffened a little when a tea cup on a saucer blocked her view of her hands. She looked up at Riddle who held out the drink to her. With steady hands she took them into her hands, making sure not to spill anything. She looked back up at him confused at the kind gesture.

“I suppose I should introduce myself” Though you already know me Riddle fought the urge to say. “I am Riddle Rosehearts, the dorm leader of this dorm. For the next few days and nights you will be staying here and sleeping in my room. Some of the students have offered to let you tag along with them during classes. So you wont be alone.” He explained, taking a sip of his tea. His eyes drifted to the still confused girl. She bobbed her head up and down to show that she understood him. “Trey told me I should inform you that I can be a little…… strict when it comes to rules… But I will try too be lenient and let some things go since these rules will seem… odd to you.” Riddle tried to explain in a slow but easy manner.

“Rules? But aren't there rules for a reason?” She asked, tilting her head.

“EXACTLY!!” Riddle exclaimed, making the child jump in surprise. He stared at her awkwardly then moved back to cough into his hand. “It's more… tradition for this dorm. So there is no need to worry about it.” He explained. The girl nodded still startled. She finally tilted her head at him confused.

“So mister Riddle… You're not mad at me?” She asked. He looked at her confused at the question.

“No, why would I be?”

“Well, you were really mad when we were playing earlier…” She explained. It was Riddle's turn to jump a little. He placed his saucer down as he recalled that he never explained that situation, though he would have to jump over special information.

“There seems to be a misunderstanding. I was more upset with Deuce and Ace for dodging their punishment. You see they put someone I care about in a bind due to their negligence. I MEAN SOMEONE WHO IS IMPORTANT TO MANY PEOPLE IN A BIND!!” Riddle corrected the last part as he realized he admitted out loud he cared for the perfect, though she had no clue she was the person.

“Oh…” She said, looking at him in understanding.

“A-Anyways dinner will be ready before too long, go wash up!” Riddle stood feeling his nerves rattle around. She looked at him then down at the tea she had yet to touch. She chugged it down and slid off the sofa to place it on the coffee table. She let her eyes linger on the cookies on the try, hesitantly looking up at him.

“Be for that… c-can I have a cookie?” She asked. Riddle felt his mouth form a no, but stopped himself. It was like a wave of trauma washed over him. He stood there, living every moment his mother told him he was not allowed to have any sweets or anything that was considered not healthy. Every smoke on his hand, Every time he was forced to sit at his desk to work on a problem or think over his actions that were wrong in his mothers eyes. His hands trembled and he bit into his lip to keep from having a wail leave his throat.

A hand.

A small hand grabbed his arm and held on tight. He blinked his wide eyes still holding the trauma that he was reliving. The small girl stared up at him, worried swimming in her expressful eyes. He gave him a gentle nudge, making his legs buckle under his weight. However she had him pushed against the chair he was once sitting on. She crawled up next to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. All those horrible memories faded away as the warmth of her arms brought comfort to his shocked heart. He sat there silently as he regained his composure. His breath that he had not noticed he was holding started to come out in slow and even breaths.

Once his brain started to catch up he wondered what happened. He has told many people no before. It was a common word he used for the troublesome duo, why was it so different all of a sudden. He then looked at the girl who still held him in her small arms as if protecting him. Maybe it was because he was saying no to a child? (Name) Finally pulled away from him, noticing he had calmed down.

“Are you feeling better?” She asked in a small voice. She stroked his hair as if comforting a child. He then came to the understanding that this was not the first time comforting someone. She analyzed the situation and his person and acted how she thought fit. No child should be able to react like that.

“H…have you done this before?” He asked. The girl gave him a small nod.

“When anyone mentions daddy to mommy… she gets the same look in her eyes you do. Hugging her and letting her sit helps….” She explained, still stroking his hair. He felt his body droop a little, this time wrapping his arms around her to get an extra grounding. The small child did not complain or say anything to make him pull away, she wrapped her arms around in return and leaned into him.

“That's…. Not something I would have expected….” He muttered, trying to finish gathering his thoughts. He felt the child let out a tired sigh, but not say another word. He already knew she had suffered quite a few loses in her life, from her father, then her trust, than her mother. But he didn't know what happened to her after the passing of her father. Not once has she brought it up or pushed blame onto her mother. However as an adult she was never one to bring up much about herself without being asked. That seems to be similar to her as a child. Someone who had to learn to be sympathetic and selfless at a young age. Someone who gave up their childish mind at a young age to please others. Someone…. Who was starting to seem similar to him in many more aspects, yet different in their own situation. They both just held each other, enjoying the human contact the silent comfort they got from the other.

‘Knock Knock”

“Riddle, you guys ready to go get dinner?” Trey’s voice came from the other side of the door. The second a knock hit the door, Riddle stiffened, but when he heard Treys voice he relaxed, knowing that Trey would not enter without permission. He pulled back, coughing into his hand to get the nerves out of his voice.

“Yes, we are coming.” Riddle called out, cursing the quiver in his voice. The child pulled away letting him have his space. She reached over for the tea, pouring him a cup and handing it to him, hoping that it would make him feel better. Out of every rule in the book, from the way she poured it and failed to place three cubes of sugar in it, he could not turn down her kind offer. He took the cup and took a sip, earning a gentle smile from the young girl. He fought the horrible feeling of breaking the rules and downed the tea like a champ. Once finished he stood up, taking the (Name) into his arms and walking to the door to go have dinner.

#twisted wonderland #twistedwonderland #deuce spade x reader #deuce x reader #heartslaybul x reader #heartslaybul #riddle rosehearts #riddle rosehearts x reader #trey clover x reader #ace trappola x reader #ace trappola #trey clover #cater diamond x reader #cater diamond #twisted wonderland x reader #reader insert

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angel-gone-south · 7 months

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Oh dearest writer I am requesting (again) what do YOU think tweek, clyde, kyle, jimmy and pip would call the reader (if that makes any sense 😅) like ig "petnames" but I hate that word more then anything (even more then my mom 🤭)

🖌 anon (as always)

Nicknames for the Reader!

i did romantic AND platonic if that’s okay

Drug mention

【☆】★【☆】

Stan Marsh

Platonic: Dude, Bro, “Lil Homie” or “Big Guy” depending on your height

Romantic: Darling, Honey, Baby. Typical shit unless he’s in a goofy mood, then it’s something stupid like “booboo bear”

Kyle Broflovski

Platonic: Dude, Bro. Classic.

Romantic: Babe, Dear, Honeybun. He never calls you Honeybun in public though, that one is for him only.

Kenny McCormick

Platonic: Babes, among other things that are probably not normally platonic (doll, pretty, etc)

Romantic: Doll, Prince/Princess, Hot stuff (or hotcock/pusspuss when he’s stoned out of his gourd)

Eric Cartman

Platonic: This is Cartman we’re talking about. He calls you derogatory things based on your appearance and background no matter what.

Romantic: Same thing, mostly. But alone he’s much sweeter, or he just adds “my” to the beginning of whatever slur he calls you. He’s not used to love.

Butters/Marjorine Stotch

Platonic: Fella, Buddy, Bubba, etc.

Romantic: Baby, sweetheart, darling, etc. Constantly giving you the sweetest compliments too. “Handsome boy” or “pretty girl” or simply just “gorgeous”

Craig Tucker

Platonic: Dude. Bro sometimes but he’s a very Dude guy.

Romantic: We all know he calls his partners honey, but also I think he would call you cupcake or love. Maybe even just baby.

Tweek Tweak

Platonic: Bro, my guy. Uses your name a lot.

Romantic: Hun, Cutie, just the most sickeningly sweet shit. He’s smitten.

Clyde Donovan

Platonic: Dude, bro, guy. Regardless of gender.

Romantic: Something stupid. Little lady/baby boy/my darling when he wants to embarrass you. Bae in front of his friends.

Tolkien Black

Platonic: Simple and straight to the point, he uses your name. Occasionally dude.

Romantic: I’m sorry he’s the guy to say pookie unironically 💀 he also calls you “little bug” though which is honestly adorable

Jimmy Valmer

Platonic: My man/Little Dude/Miss lady. He’s a jokester, whaddya want?

Romantic: Sweetums, cutie patootie, lovebug.

Scott Malkinson

Platonic: Dude, your name. Very simple.

Romantic: He’s probably so nervous but I think he would call you sugar, hon, and babe. He’s also definitely fond of dear and darling.

Pip Pirrup

Platonic: Friend, Chap, other British things.

Romantic: Love, sweetie, baby, missus/mister/mx. He adores you to the bone.

Damien Thorn

Platonic: Puny, worm, other such insults.

Romantic: Mortal. Also refers to you as “the Tolerable One” and “Mine.” Sometimes, when he’s feeling extra sappy, he calls you his little angel or firestarter.

Gregory (of Yardale)

Platonic: He does NOT know what that means so prepare for a litany of Prince/Princess, My Liege, etc.

Romantic: Others include: My sweet, love, sunshine, baby, little flower, beautiful, gorgeous, etc.

Christophe “The Mole” DeLorne

Platonic: “Friend” is the best thing you could squeeze out of him.

Romantic: lots of French. “Papillon” (butterfly), “Mon cher/Ma chérie” (my dear/my darling), “Amour” (love). He prays you don’t understand. Never point them out he WILL stop.

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onthewaytosomewhere · 21 days

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seven sentence sunday oh and 20k words worth of fic i guess

look at me actually counting my sentences on a sunday - but that's prolly cuz i also come bearing a fairytale - finally completed!!! yay!!!

baby just say yes is live for the 2nd day of the tswift eras tour - all 20k+ words of it! 😊

thanks ever so much for the tags @jmagnabo92 @thesleepyskipper @magicandarchery @piratefalls

@firenati0n @anincompletelist oh and @kiwiana-writes stealing ur open tag cuz i think you were interested in the fairytale last month when i started posting about it

so today's words are from said fic, a little snippet from some of the arthur being a good dad to not just his own kids.

Prince Alex is sitting under the tree in the garden where all those years ago he had chased his friend, in kitten form, in an attempt to get him down, when Royal Earl Fox, or Arthur, which it took Alex years to actually call him, finds him. He looks up and attempts a smile, but it must have appeared as sad and forlorn as he feels because the look Arthur gives him makes him want to curl up in his arms and cry. “I figured I might find you here. You’ve not been secretive the last few years about using this place to think. I always assumed that most of that thinking was about my son.” Alex’s attempt at a joking, “Pip?” falls flat. “Laugh it up, mister; we both know it’s my youngest, you think about. I would guess fairly regularly.”

bcuz tumblr is still dumb tags beneath the cut! oh but open tag for anyone who may still wanna do this - i'm kinda late (if i missed that any of y'all have already done this - then i guess i'm just saying hi)

@adreamareads @agame-writes @agostobuwan @bitbybitwrites @dragonflylady77

@duchessdepolignaca03 @england-would-fall @firstsprinces @forever-fixating @getmehighonmagic

@heysweetheart-writes @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @inexplicablymine @itsmaybitheway @jellibuns

@junebugclaremontdiaz @littlemisskittentoes (kitten!henry tag was used!) @lizzie-bennetdarcy @mikibwrites @msmarvelouswinchester

@nocoastposts @priincebutt @sophie1973 @stellarm @suseagull04

@tailsbeth-writes @taste-thewaste @theprinceandagcd @thinkof-england @typicalopposite

@wordsofhoneydew @yrsacdfox @captainjunglegym @eusuntgratie @violetbaudelaire-quagmire

@tinyarmedtrex

#seven sentence sunday #baby just say yes #fairytale #firstprince #rwrb fic #no longer a wip!!!!!#yay!!!!!#red white and royal blue #fic and words today #i actually counted on a sunday that's weird

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aceofspades-sml · 10 months

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A few notes from today's newsies show / random new things I didn't notice before because why not

At this point I am not even trying to make something organized just bear with me

Newsies 29/07 matinee - Lindsay Katherine

When Buttons steals apples at the beginning he throws one at tommy boy who was kind of sulking on the side. Tommy boy then proceeds to do a little victory dance and reappears 10 minutes later with the apple still in his hand

It was my first time seeing Forbes Pulitzer and oh my god he is so evil- like he is evil, he knows it and he's having so much fun with it I love him for that

You know that singsong voice that's just like "take this in your face" ? Yeah that's pretty much how Bobbie says "and guess what ? He got elected"

Jack having to physically restrain Race from beating up the Delanceys when they first appear, then sighting when Race goes toward them anyway. He then tries to restrain Finch and Albert from joining race with basically the same amount of success

"Who's gonna tell Pulitzer uh ?" "I guess you do mister president" cue race silently encouraging Davey from the side

Also oscar and Morris just sitting above the newsies for the whole scene before wwk

Finch and Davey bonding over their anxiety for the "we can't beat up other kids" scene- then Finch attemps a spit shake with Davey, who nervously reaches out for a glove in his bag, puts on said glove and only then proceeds to shake Finch's hand

Then Finch just hanging on his own for the beggining of WWK

All "who wants Brooklyn" reactions, featuring tommy boy curled up on the ground, Buttons and Mush (?) putting their bags on their heads and Romeo putting his cap on his face so he just looks like the creepiest guy ever

"What's the last strike you organized" in the most deadpan way I ever saw Lindsay kath you will always be famous

Basically the entirety of watch what happens because I love Lindsay

Jack having to restrain Race from throwing hands when Davey does his "if you look and see Brooklyn then they're with us" thing

When specs is on lookout and when asked if he saw anything just goes "nothing" and when the others start booing him he adds "I am sorry !" in the most "well I can't do anything about it !" voice and I just think he deserves a hug

After Buttons threw down his papes Tommy boy came back to oscar and Morris who just reassured him for a little while but didn't push him back toward the newsies- instead he ran back to them on his own to yell at Splasher who just joined the newsies

When jack goes on for the name call in Seize the day and Davey tells the others "no wait !" before being the first to join Jack

During the fight Finch and Romeo just hang out in woodside to watch what is happening, then when mush gets hit they rush to the stage to help him

And then later on when Crutchie is gets beaten up, Finch tries to run back to him and Romeo has to physically restrain him while screaming "FINCH NO IT'S TOO LATE" with his whole chest

Then Finch runs away and Romeo just yells his name again before he starts to run as well

Just everyone making a "what the hell" face during the auspicious scene

"I dunno about thaAT"

Then again "what the hell attitude" but more annoyed for the erster scene

Davey's "oh yes above. the fold" attitude just gets more and more excited every time at this point he's just folding the pape in every way possible to show it to Jack

"We. Are. Inevitable." Ryan is having so much fun with this line I love him

Katherine visibly trying to justify herself in Pulitzer's office except no one lets her talk

Oscar and Morris beating Jack up in the back of the stage during the scene change

Brooklyn's here was cool as ever but I almost died laughing at the beginning because there were only three of them. Like they still slayed but I found it super funny for some reason because Spot and Ritz were just bonding on one side of the stage while Pips was vibing on the opposite side

Then mark and alex joined in for the dance break after the name call so that was fun

Also for the borough call it was incredibly funny as well because there was only one guy in each borough

Davey's anxiety at the beginning of the rally >>>

Tommy boy being the most eager one to see jack I love him

"how many days can you go without making money" the way Jack just says that to Pips face broke my heart

Finch booing Jack with his whole chest

The way every newsies just pass in front of jack but meanwhile Race is specifically making his way to him to shove him back

"you never asked for my real name" "well I didn't think I had to" - an actual quote by francis "jack kelly is the name my mother gave me" sullivan

Jack's reaction to "My father owns the tribune" and "and proud to be a part of your revolution" will never not be funny

Race and Spot spending a solid five minutes hanging out in the back and holding hands before once and for all

Also Henry (the new swing) joined in for once and for all so that was pretty cool

Hannah's incoherent screaming on the phone- kudos to Bobbie for nailing it with a sore throat

"I am told we once shared a carriage ride" *turns to Davey* "I TOLD YOU"

The future will be bright and prosperous in Les's hands 😌

The expression of pure euphoria on Finch's face when he sees Crutchie and the way he, Albert and Race rush forward to hug him

"Snyder the spider" - cue Tommy boy having to physically restrain Race from beating up Snyder

(yes this show features a lot of everyone having to physically restrain Race)

Ryan was given the sandstorm line and chose to serve

The only reason Les was looking at Jack and Katherine kissing was literally only because he got bored of Davey talking to Crutchie

"so are you in *points at Wiesel* or are you out *points at Katherine*"

Anyway if anyone cares I am in love with Lindsay's Kath that's all

#they were all so great urgh #newsies #newsies uk #uksies #leo's newsies analysis

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twistedroseytoesy · 1 year

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Never smile at a crocodile

really funny idea to have the first years make up a song to make fun of sebek a bit.

"Where's Sebek?" Mc asked as they sat down with a bowl of popcorn on the old couch. Ace, on their right immediately dove his hand into the bowl to steal some, snickering when they smack his arm. Deuce, on the old shag rug, looked back at them and then looked around, also searching for their green-haired friend.

"He said he couldn' make it tonigh'. said somethn about needing to practice his sword more due to silver beating his last duel." epel said, rolling his eyes and getting comfortable on the plush arm chair.

"It's alright he's not here. We will just watch the movie without him." Jack said on the other side of Mc. He helped them defend their buttery kernels from Ace's thieving hands.

"but he does this all the time. Dude needs to take a break." Ace complained.

"well how about we make the message clear that we want him over more often. Poke a bit of fun, that will surely make him determined enough to be here next time." Mc said. "I even have the perfect song from my world that was inspired from this movie too!" they said.

"cool! lets watch then hear your song." Epel said eager to watch the movie. Mc nodded and started the movie "peter pan"

They all laughed at the movie and the song that Mc shared, coming up with a plan to make a bit of fun at Sebek and his crocodile fae side a bit.

***the next day***

It was lunchtime and Sebek was looking for the group of troublemaking first years he usually sat with when malleus and Lillia were elsewhere. He heard their laughter out in the courtyard. he quickly spotted themsitting at one of the available tables, a spot open for him.

"I have arrived! thank you for waiting for me humans." he said as he st down. Quickly digging into his food.

"I'm not a human but whatever," Jack mumbled into his sandwich.

"oh Sebek, glad you ould make it to something with us." Ace said sarcastically.

"whats that-!"

"be nice Ace, besides we even prepared a song for him to show that we missed his presence last night." Mc interupted him.

"a song??" Sebek asked, somewhat offended and thankful? for the thought.

Mc pulled out their phone and started an upbeat clicking sort of song.

"Never smile at a crocodile" Mc started. "No, you can't get friendly with a crocodile" Ace continued. "Don't be taken in by his welcome grin" Jack sang next"He's imagining how well you'd fit within his skin" Epel finished ith a cackle. Sebeks ears were red and he blubbered angrily at the somewhat offensive words toward his crocodile fea likeness! "Never smile at a crocodile" deuce started. "Never tip your hat and stop to talk awhile," Ace said from behind sebek as he took Sebek's hat and tipped it at him before tossing it back to the reddening first year. "Never run, walk away, say good night, not good day" Ace continued as he ran back to his seat to avoid the angry swipe at him. "Clear the aisle but never smile at Mister Crocodile" Mc finished.

Sebek glared at them all as they laughed a bit during a small prelude in the music. "Youre mocking me arent you?!" he said.

"what no. no! were your friends we would never!" Epel said wrapping an arm around the half-fae's shoulder before continuing the song.

"You may very well be well-bred Lots of etiquettes in your head" Epel sang as they tapped the side of his head a few times. Sebek slapped his hand away as he chuckled. "But there's always some special case, time, or place To forget etiquette" Jack said looking down a bit at his angry friend. Sebek paused a bit at that.

"Never smile at a crocodile No, you can't get friendly with a crocodile" Ace started again. "Don't be taken in by his welcome grin" Grim pipped up "He's imagining how well you'd fit within his skin Never smile at a crocodile" Epel sang, grimacing at grims horrible singing voice. "Never dip your hat and stop to talk awhile" Mc sang along. "Don't be rude, never mock, throw a kiss, not a rock" Jack sang with a frown at the weird words. "Clear the aisle but never smile at Mister Croc-" They all sang together pausing before the next sylable then the last one as the song ended. "-O-"..."-Dile"

"Are you fools done?" Sebek asked, seething with anger from his somewhat bruised pride.

"Yep. Maybe we wouldn't put so much effort into teaching you if you were over more often." Mc said laughing at Sebek's indignant face.

"you did all that, just to mock me! how dare you! what kind of friends do that?!" He yelled getting up from his seat, food forgotten about.

"friends that are troublemakers." jack and deuce said. Everyone but Sebek laughed at that. Epel lightly grabbed the knight in trainings shoulder.

"hey, yaknow that it's all in good ol' fun. We just missed ya and thought this would be funny." Epel said. The others nodded and hummed in agreement.

Sebek pouted a bit with a frown before sighing. "If I go to tomorrow's biweekly movie night will you promise to never do something this idiotic again?"

"No promises, but for now yes." Mc answered for them all. " you should probably sit back down or else grim will steal all your food" they snickered as Sebek roared at Grim who currently was stealing his lasagna slice. As long as sebek was willing to learn they were happy to be friends with this strange crocodile.

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knightinink · 10 months

Text

Okay y’know what I need real bad?

We all know that Pip went from point A

to point B

Right? Right. That’s all well & good, but that Pip & Joe part of my brain is screaming for the scene in between point A & point B.

Pocket said that “Joe found you laying face down in the street, mister Pip! You were in quite a state, you’ve been unconscious here for nearly three hours!”

For whatever reason, Joe seemed to be in the right place at the right time.

Please I just need that scene of him finding Pip passed-out in the road & the journey home. PLEASE I NEED TO SEE IT I’VE BEEN VISUALIZING IT IN MY HEAD FOR MONTHS.

I can just imagine Joe at first noticing a person, & as he comes closer, to his horror, it’s someone he’s very familiar with. Panicked, he rushes to the boy’s side, trying to wake him to no avail. He starts to panic more (not really knowing what to do) until a short redheaded kid rushes over (I’d like to think Pocket had come with Pip from London, in case things hadn’t gone well with Estella), & instructs Joe to hover his hand an inch above Pip’s nose.

He’s beyond relieved when he can feel breathing. He looks over to see the redhead pressing his thumb into Pip’s wrist gently, & asks what he’s doing. The boy tells him that “you can find a pulse this way”, & at Joe’s confused look, Pocket clarifies, “his heartbeat. I can feel it just fine.” They have a quick exchange, no simpler than they both know who Pip is, before Joe leads the redhead, who is determined not to leave his friend’s side, back home, where he gently tucks Pip into his bed.

They chat a little more, Joe preparing some tea for them, but still pacing anxiously & never leaving Pip’s bedside for too long. They learn more about each other’s relation to Pip, Joe thankful that Pip had someone so nice teaching him how to be a gentleman, & Pocket expressing his gratitude that his dear friend had at least one person on his side during his upbringing.

Any pleasant conversation they attempt to hold is bogged down with nervous tension, however; to which both are understanding of. Telling stories of their times spent with Pip eases their nerves just a bit, but Pocket could see Joe practically melt with relief when he hears a very soft, yet very much alive, “Joe?” & the man is at the boy’s bedside once more.

“That’s right, you’re safe & warm now.”

Relief floods them both.

Pip was finally awake.

#‘& scene’ haha #the dad! joe & son! pip part of my brain is constantly running #I love them so much I stg #you have no idea #pip pirrup #herbert pocket #joe gargery #south park #great expectations

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roseharpermaxwell · 5 months

Text

RWRB FirstPrince Single Parent & Parent Recs

My favorite single parent or parent recs below!

I Dissent! by Mel_1999. G, 1.4k. A police officer is coming to give a safety talk at school and, as a lawyer, Alex has a lot of things to say about it. Those things include planning an entire presentation for their son's class about their constitutional rights.

Henry is horrified, but supportive.

The Evening Routine by TuppingLiberty. T, 1.8k. Henry comes home late and joins Alex and their daughter, Isabella, in their night-time routine. Domestic fluff with a fade-to-black sex scene and adult language, so rated T.

(even though you want to) please try to never grow up by @coffeecatsme. T, 1.8k. “You better have a good fucking reason for sending me to voicemail, Hen.” He glares at the phone for one second before he actually sees the screen, and then his face melts into something Henry can only describe as fond. “Oh,” he whispers, dropping his mug of coffee onto the counter so he can lean in closer to the phone. “Look who’s there.”

“Yeah.” Henry keeps his voice so low he isn’t even sure Alex can hear him. He doesn’t seem to mind, eyes taking in the picture in front of him with parted lips, the edge of his finger covering the camera when he undoubtedly reaches to caress his daughter’s head.

Or, Alex misses his daughter when he goes back to work after a long paternity leave.

(We) Loved Her First by @hgejfmw-hgejhsf. G, 2k. When I thought about all of the things I wanted to say to you both today, my initial urge was to write a letter. I could borrow Dad’s fountain pen from his top desk drawer and watch the ink soak slowly into the cardstock paper, to blow it dry and carefully crease it in three places before sliding it into an envelope and sealing it with the wax seal Papa bought a few years back, that he said we could use to send our Christmas cards to Sandringham in a more formal way so that Uncle Pip wouldn’t expect to find us wearing matching Christmas tree onesies inside.

But then I realized, a letter isn’t your style. It isn’t our style. Your story, the same story weaved together countless times throughout my life into a tapestry of your love that blanketed me at night whenever I needed comforting, was told through a series of pixels swirling through the air and crossing the void of space and time within moments. So, I decided it was only fitting to continue that tradition and to follow in your footsteps…an email, it is.

Alex and Henry's daughter sends them an email just before they walk her down the aisle on her wedding day.

Teachable Moments by @everwitch-magiks. T, 2.1k. Alex is a single dad. His daughter, Elena, is as curious as she’s clever and quite a handful. Luckily, Alex has a solid support system—he can always count on Elena’s aunts, as well as on her kindergarten teacher. Her very wonderful, very attractive kindergarten teacher.

But kindergarten doesn't last forever.

even children get older by blueberriesandcream. G, 2.2k. on her grandchildren's first day of school, ellen claremont looks at alex and has some regrets. (alex makes it better for everyone.)

Giving Yourself Grace by TuppingLiberty. T, 2.9k. Isabella is very young, and Alex is home alone with her for the first time while Henry is away for the shelter. He learns some dark truths about himself when he struggles to help Isabella.

fully booked by riversdeep. T, 3.2k. A hand tugs at Henry’s sweater as he’s rearranging the Austen section, and he smiles, abandoning his books and crouching down. “Hello, Sophia.”

Today, Sophia's decked out in a Spiderman costume, complete with a matching tiny backpack and camera.

“Hi, Mister Henry.”

“Yeah, hi, Mister Henry.”

Henry laughs, heart impossibly warm. “Hello to you too, Alex. The books are on the counter, I’ve had them set aside for you.”

A little off the top by @clottedcreamfudge. T, 3.4k. “How old's David? Mine's almost 4 and she's cute but a lot of work.”

“Oh! He's 5 – it was his birthday last week, actually.”

“No kidding? Did you have a party?”

God, this man sees right through him. “With cake and invitations and a themed piñata, for my sins,” he confesses. “Does that make me awfully gauche?”

“Nope,” Alex says, popping the 'p' and winking at Henry's reflection. “But that might mostly be 'cause I have no idea what that means.”

Henry has literally never had such a good time while having his hair cut.

look in the mirror (and show me who you see) by blueberriesandcream. G, 3.5k. henry comes home to find alex in a predicament when their daughter gets bubble gum in his hair

Lost and Found by @sherryvalli. T, 3.9k. “Now, I don’t know about you, but I distinctly remember telling you to stay.”

“Sorry,” she said, not sounding very sorry at all. Henry made a mental note to teach her how to at least pretend to be contrite.

“You’re… she - you can speak English?”

Henry looked up. The man was turned towards him now. His eyes were the first thing Henry noticed. Wide and a deep brown, with impossibly long and dark eyelashes that seemed to touch his cheeks every time he blinked. And his mouth - it was open now in surprise and disbelief, but it was perfectly curved and bitten pink, and Henry had no problem picturing it curled into a smirk. A handsome serial killer, then.

Single dad Henry loses his daughter at the Met and ends up finding more than he bargained for.

kiss me on this cold december night by blackrose1002. M, 4.7k. “Hey, can I get an Americano to go? With double espresso?”

Even though he’s not working the register – because he’s making the bloody gingerbread nightmares – the simple order is enough to catch Henry’s attention and he looks up.

He immediately wishes he didn’t.

Right there, currently paying for his normal, boring coffee, is a man that’s possibly the most beautiful man Henry has ever seen. With his dark curls and beautiful brown eyes, eyelashes so long they don’t seem real and a smile lighting up his entire face, the man is simply stunning.

Henry would make anything for him.

Any coffee, including the goddamn gingerbread latte.

Or his bed, after getting thoroughly fucked into his mattress.

(Or the one where Henry works as a barista and one day the most beautiful man in the world orders the most boring coffee and saves Henry's sanity)

Isn't she lovely, isn't she wonderful by Liloandbitch. M, 5.6k. No one will ever believe him when he tells them Henry said the word DILF.

that's the way love goes by @waterloolovers. M, 6.3k. “Daddy. I want a little sister,” Dani had announced one day. Henry choked on his tea while Alex dropped the spatula straight onto the floor. “Um.” Henry cleared his throat. “Your papi and I will have to talk about that, okay?”

The Eternal Struggle by Celaestis. T, 6.7k. "Love, we can't put 'gender is a social construct, bitches' on an official royal birth announcement."

Five times parenthood beat Henry and Alex, and one time they won parenting.

Secret Ingredient by floatingaway4. T, 8.2k. It’s not unusual for the shelters to call each other when they need temporary space. Henry doesn’t normally take children that young, but he can accommodate them in an emergency. He just has to make sure the staff keeps an eye on this kid.

What could possibly go wrong?

Oh what a laugh it would have been by @hgejfmw-hgejhsf. E, 11k. When Alex dresses as Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, their five-year-old daughter makes an extra special, last-minute Christmas wish. AND

Alex leaves his Santa suit on for a private evening with Henry while everyone else is snug in their beds.

in paper rings, in picture frames, in latte art series by coffeecatsme. T, 15k. “You little menace,” a voice says from the door, entirely too fond to be anything mean. “I told you to wait by the car, not go inside.” The man steps inside, shaking the rain from his hair, and Henry is treated to the sight of the most beautiful man he’s seen in his entire life, standing in the middle of his shop with clothes dripping to the floor and raincoat bundled up around him. He notices then the umbrella clutched in the little boy’s hand, the innocent wide eyes watching his father, and the picture forms in his head.

Or, five times Henry makes a piece of art for Alex's son on his drinks, and one time he does it for Alex himself.

Confidential Memorandum by sherryvalli. T, 17k. "Hello, Mr. Fox-Mountchristen's office. How may I help you?"

"Hello, can I speak to Mr. Fox-Mount-krishen, please?"

Alex blinked. After two weeks of hearing nothing but the voices of snooty men and frazzled secretaries calling in, the person on the other line now sounded decidedly neither snooty nor male nor in any way adult.

It was a little girl.

"Mr. Fox-Mountchristen's unfortunately in a meeting right now,” Alex began slowly, “but I could take a message?"

"Oh." The girl paused. "You're not Mr. Hunter."

Alex starts a new job as Henry's new assistant. Henry's daughter keeps calling the office and leaving him messages.

Longer Than Most by @happinessofthepursuit. E, 26k. “Oh,” Alex says. “Sick.”

Henry can’t help but grin. He can’t believe he’s so bloody gone on a man who says sick and dude, who he’s slept with all of one time and proceeded to knock him up. Henry’s a cliche, honestly.

“It is, indeed, sick, as you say.”

Alex rolls his eyes, but his cheeks darken a shade, giving him away a bit. “Listen, the closest I get to poetry is your fucking face. Excuse me if my vocabulary doesn’t quite compare to yours.”

Or, Alex and Henry have a one night stand. That is, until a baby’s involved.

Family Lines series by @cultofsappho. T, 41k. Henry turned his attention back to the girl in front of him, she seemed to be pivoting from star-stuck to actual distress. “Are you okay?”

"I'm gay!" She blurted the words out before slapping a hand over her mouth like she couldn’t believe what she’d just said.

Henry chuckles, his cheeks flushing pink. "Me too."

Henry and Alex had been thinking about fostering for years now, they were just waiting for the right kid to (aparently literally) fall into their life.

True Love Stories Never Have Endings series by @historicallysam. E, 69k. “The beauty of love is that you can fall into it with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time.” - Ritu Ghatourey

Henry expects the coming school year to be much the same as the previous ones. He couldn't be more wrong.

orion in your fingertips series by acastle. E, 168k. “She truly is your daughter, Alex,” Henry sighs, defeated.

“Fuck off, sweetheart,” he laughs, a soundbite of the sun. Henry forces himself not to physically react, the term of endearment sweet and menacingly familiar coming from Alex’s lips. It’s been years. “You know they’re useful.”

“Ah yes, eyelashes, truly a formidable instrument in managing international relations.”

Alex grins, and Henry is too late to catch the slightest downward lilt on the corner of his mouth, “Worked on you once, didn’t it?”

Oh, did that ache.

(Much had happened since the time Henry had told Alex to leave. Alex had passed the bar, gotten married, had the most beautiful daughter. And Henry, well. He stayed right where he was.)

*And podfic of a flicker, a spark by the incomparable RattleandHum @thirdeye1234.

I only tag an author once per post, but I'm still figuring out firstprince author handles. If you see one I may not know or find a broken link, please give me a heads up!

Master List of RWRB FirstPrince Recs

Master List of Recommendations

#firstprince #rwrb fic recs #rwrb #alex x henry #red white & royal blue

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2apples-tall · 8 months

Text

Mr. Snake and Mr. Owl

A small kinda funny kinda sweet fic about a class taking refugee from a rainstorm in Aziraphale’s bookshop and Aziraphale having no idea what to do with them

A school trip was all it took to ruin Aziraphale’s day. Well a school trip and a rainstorm. Well a school trip, a rainstorm, and a very overworked teacher who was also having a bad day.

The local elementary school’s 4th grade class was taking a trip to a few museums in the area, all within walking distance, so the teacher took her class through soho to the museums. Until it started to rain and they were all escorted by a very lovely older man into a warm bookshop.

You see Aziraphale, being the angel he is, couldn’t stand seeing those poor kids and that poor teacher get drenched out on the street “Oh no, I insist it is no trouble at all.” He assured the teacher, who informed him her name was Ms. Jones “I’m sure this rain will let up soon”

“Thank you so much, I would run to get some umbrellas but I can’t leave them” Ms. Jones said apologetically, “It’s a small school so there were no other chaperones and I technically didn’t need any for just 10 kids”

The poor girl sounded exhausted so Aziraphale, the angel, got her a nice cup of tea and offered her a seat. This was the particular and exact second things began to go horribly wrong, the kids began…

….I shan’t say it….

pulling the books off the shelves.

Aziraphale did not spend enough time around any sort of children to realize this would happen because kids, especially 9 year olds, we’re very curious.

“Hey mister why don’t these have any pictures?” Said one little boy with snot dripping dangerously close to a first addition of Pride and Prejudice.

“Oh dear,” Aziraphale pulled the book as carefully as he could from the boy’s sticky fingers. “We’ll these books are very old and very uninteresting to you kids, how about…” he paused frantically looking at the books that had already made their way onto the ground. “A magic show!”

“My mommy says magic is devil worship” pipped up a little girl as she flipped haphazardly through a very old and expensive copy of The Invisible Man.

“Right” probably not his best idea anyway.

Ms. Jones, much to Aziraphale’s dismay, was quite proud of her students for taking an interest in the literature at the store and made no efforts to keep them away from books, what kind of teacher would try to STOP kids from reading?

Aziraphale began feeling very un-angelic as he thought of ways to get these kids away from his precious books. Maybe un-angelic is exactly what I need.

Aziraphale opened the door to his back room to find Crowley napping on the sofa. More often than not Aziraphale would walk into this sight and stare, sometimes until Crowley woke up, but there was no time. Very sadly Aziraphale shook the demon’s shoulder until he awoke with a groggy “ngk”

“Good morning dear” Aziraphale beamed down at him

“What’s wrong?” Crowley asked, waking up quicker than he had his whole life. He could practically smell the angels distress.

“We’ll I need you to get some.. people out of the bookshop” Aziraphale said sheepishly

“Why? What’re they doing?” Crowley stood up ready to destroy any human that thought they could mess with his angel’s shop.

“It’s umm just some kids” He admitted quietly

“What”

“It’s a class of kids! They’re going to ruin all my books! I want you to scare them away” Aziraphale crossed his arms looking expectantly at his demon.

“Really angel?” Crowley smiled and shook out his shoulders, slowly slithering down until he was a huge black snake.

Crowley lurked through the shelves until he saw a young girl all pigtails and floral bows. One good scare and the whole class’ll leave

He crept slowly towards her and brushed his scaly side against her ankle, just enough that he expected a scream but instead received gentle fingertips running down his back. She began to pet him.

“Oh what a cute little snake” She crouched to her knees and ran her hands all down his back “Such pretty scales”

Great I got the one little girl in the whole world that actually likes snakes.

Crowley darted back to his sofa and resumed his former shape.

“These kids are tough Angel” Crowley said as nonchalantly as he could after being practically cuddled.

“Please Crowley” Aziraphale gave him that look, that damned look that made Crowley’s knees buckle and head go foggy.

Crowley sauntered out, ready to throw each pesky kid out by the collar if he had to. Or at least that’s what he told himself until the little girl with pigtails looked up at him with tears shining in her eyes.

“Sir did you see where Mr. Snake went? I wanted to be his friend but he ran away”

Dammit.

Crowley kneeled down “You know that um snake is actually a… particularly good friend of mine, and he asked me to tell you erm that he would love to be your friend but his.. owl friend needed him for something very very important” He struggled with the words but thankfully the girl didn’t seem to mind. She just laughed a little and grabbed his shirt sleeve to pull him into the center of the class.

“This guy is funny! And he knows a snake that’s friends with an owl!” She announced

“Ooh” The class gathered around his legs and sat on the floor gazing up at him “Will you tell us about Mr. Snake and Mr. Owl?”

“Oh absolutely” Crowley smiled, he had 6000 years of stories, most, well at least some of them had to be child friendly.

Aziraphale watched, with hearts in his eyes, as Crowley began telling animated stories of the two of them. The children hung onto every word as Crowley spun the tale of Mr. Snake and Mr. Owl as knights, then told them about the pair seeing Shakespeare, then he told about them preforming a spectacular magic show. Aziraphale flushed a bit as Crowley told that last story but he had kept it tame enough. Aziraphale quietly cleaned up all of the books thanking Crowley and God none of them had been damaged.

“Oh look at that, the rain stopped” Ms. Jones said almost sad to leave the warm shop and fun stories “Thank you so much for letting us stay here for the moment and tell your husband he’s an amazing story teller, he should write a novel”

“Oh we’re not, um, I’ll, I will tell him” Aziraphale blushed and stumbled as he opened the door for her.

“Come on kids,” she waited a second while none of them moved. She sighed and called out “Are you ready kids!”

“Aye aye Captain!” 10 tiny voices answered as they quickly lined up behind her.

“Lovely” Ms. Jones counted each head twice then turned again to Aziraphale “Thank you again this was a much better day than I had hoped for”

“Bye bye Mr. Snake, thank you!” Called Pigtails

Crowley chucked and waved at the class as they walked out the door.

“I had no idea you were so good with kids” Aziraphale remarked

“I had no idea you were so rubbish with them” Crowley smirked.

“Well now,”

#good omens #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #crowly x aziraphale #good ineffable omens #ineffable partners #good omens fix #good omens fan fiction #good omens fan fic #good omens fic

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underworld-park-offical · 8 months

Text

CLYDE: HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK

CLYDE: THE FUCKING VIDEO CUT OFF BUT

CLYDE: CRAIGS PROBABLY DEAD HE'S DEAD HE'S DEAD HE’S DEADDDDD WAHHHHHH

TOLKIEN: I KNOW SHUT UP TOLKIEN: YOU'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THAT THE WHOLE CAR RIDE!!!

CLYDE: I KNOW WE ALL SAID WE WANTED HIM DEAD BUT CLYDE: BUT CLYDE: WAHHHHHHHHH HAAAA HAAAAAAAA!!!!!

TOLKIEN: BABE SHUT UP TOLKIEN: I'M TRYING TO FOCUS ON THE ROAD TOLKIEN: I DON'T WANT TO GET A SPEEDING TICKET TODAY

CLYDE: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

CLYDE: I MISS CRAIG SO MUCH CLYDE: HE WAS THE WORST BEST FRIEND I'VE EVER HAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDD

TOLKIEN: STOP CRYING TOLKIEN: I LOVE YOU TOLKIEN: BUT I NEED TO FOCUS RIGHT NOW TOLKIEN: I DON'T WANT TO CRASH MY CAR

CLYDE: WAAAHAHHHHHAHVAGUCGJFIYGXTUDXFRCYUHY*GCFGJUOTUDVHUPI*YIFGCJBLOUGTCGJOUFJGOUFDTYGUOCFJGYOFX

TOLKIEN: BABY I CAN'T COMFORT YOU RIGHT NOW TOLKIEN: I'M DRIVING CLYDE: YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MEEEE HEEEE HEEEEEE CLYDE: OR CRAAA HEYYY HEYYYA AAAIG

CLYDE: OR JIMM HEE HEE HEE…

CLYDE: HE'S DEAD YOU MONSTER HER HERRRRR!! TOLKIEN: I CARE, THAT'S WHY I'M TRYING NOT TO CRASH RIGHT NOW

CLYDE: YOU'RE LYING TO MEEEEEE TOLKIEN: I AM NOT TOLKIEN: BUT I AM TOLKIEN: THIS CLOSE TOLKIEN: TO TAPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT

CLYDE: WAHHAAGHVHUGGCHFUIHCGFHUIYHVHVGUHGV GGUI PLEASE DONT I'LL BE A GOOD BOYYYYYYYY TOLKIEN: YOU'RE A BIG STRONG MAN TOLKIEN: PLEASE STOP CRYING CLYDE: (sniffle) Okayyyyyyy

TOLKIEN: GOD DAMN TOLKIEN: WE NEED TO TELL DAIMEN CLYDE: Whyy??????????

TOLKIEN: He's one of the few people in our friend group I can actually fucking TOLERATE

TOLKIEN: I’m pretty sure he's working at the 711 right now

CLYDE: STEP ON THE GAS BABY TOLKIEN: I'M TRYING

Meanwhile...with the gays

THOMAS: HAOUGUUGUGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TWEEK: WHAT THE FUCK???

TWEEK: WHY ARE YOU THROWING UP KOOL AID?????

TWEEK: ARE YOU OKAY THOMAS???? TWEEK: THOMAS?????? THOMAS: NOHuuuuuu...... uuUHHHOUUUUGHHGHHFGGH–

PIP: Ugh he's getting me all red!

PIP: Gregory, make him stop right now!

PIP: He's getting kool aid all over my very expensive suit!

GREGORY: You know he has a condition!

GREGORY: You KNOW He has “throwing up koolaid-itus”!!!

GREGORY: He told me so!

PIP: UGHHHHHHHHH!!!

PIP: You all are going to make this plan go to SHIT!

TWEEK: SHUT UP!!

TWEEK: The douchebag is in our presence

PIP: I DONT CARE I'LL JUST EAT HIM LIKE I DID HIS STUPID FUCKING FRIEND

PIP: JIMBO OR WHATEVER HIS NAME WAS

GREGORY: Jimmy, sir

PIP: I KNEW THAT SHUT UP

GREGORY: Yes sir-

PIP: Infact

PIP: ALL OF YOU SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP RIGHT NOW!!!

THOMAS: Buhhh….. blehhh …..ughhh….

THOMAS: Eughhh…

THOMAS: I hated that…

TWEEK: DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP YOU STUPID BRITISH CROOKED TEETH MOTHER OF-

GREGORY: Ah ah ah

GREGORY: No no no Tweeky!

GREGORY: Bad idea!

GREGORY: You dont wanna mess with Sir Pip whilst he's upset!

TWEEK: RRGHHHGHGHGH LEMME AT HIM!!!

GREGORY: Ah ah ah!

GREGORY: No way!

TWEEK: RRRRGGRHHHHHHHH!!!!!

TWEEK: I'M GONNA SNAP HIM IN HALF LIKE A PRETZEL!!!

PIP: Not before I snap YOU in half like a goddamn Crumpet!

THOMAS: U- uh….

THOMAS: Guys??

TWEEK: YOU ARE SERIOUSLY THE WORST LEADER EVER!!

PIP: OH DON'T EVEN START YOU METH ADDICTED DEFIANT TROLL!

TWEEK: YOU DID NOT

PIP: OH I MOST CERTAINLY DID

THOMAS: Guuuuys?

PIP: I HOPE YOU FUCKING BURN BECUASE OF THE LAND WENCE YOU CAME, YOU SUPER SONIC MUFFIN MUNCHER TWEEK: KILL YOURSELF YOU CRUSTY PEANUT PIP: I'M ALREADY DEAD YOU MORONIC BRAINDEAD LUNATIC TWEEK: DIE TWICE PIP: FUCK YOU!!!

THOMAS: GUYS!!!!!!

PIP AND TWEEK: WHAT???????

THOMAS: What do we do with…. SHIT-! COCK-!!

THOMAS: What do we do with him?

CRAIG: What is going on? CRAIG: I'm like

CRAIG: Mad dissociating right now

CRAIG: What

CRAIG: What are you guys

CRAIG: How are you all here…?

GREGORY: Oh the mister has finally snapped out of his trance!

GREGORY: Apologies, dear friend!

GREGORY: Sir Pip had requested we keep you contained! He remembers you being the worst of the lot!

GREGORY: And with your fashion choice, I can certainly see why.

CRAIG: What are you….

CRAIG: Ohhhh….

CRAIG: Yeah this hoodie was a mistake

CRAIG: And the phone case….

CRAIG: Goddamnit…

PIP: He's come to his senses

PIP: WHY HAS HE COME TO HIS SENSES??!?!

PIP: THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!!

PIP: AAAAAAGHHHH!!!!

PIP: DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT!!!

GREGORY: Oh dear

GREGORY: Sir Pip is upset again

GREGORY: There there Sir Pip

PIP: SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU ABSOLUTE KISS ASS PIP: I WILL RIP THAT PONYTAIL FROM YOUR SCALP!

GREGORY: Apologies, Sir Pip

CRAIG: Wait a second

CRAIG: Is that a fucking dead body??????

CRAIG: HOLY SHIT IS THAT JIMMY????

PIP: Well one of the side effects of opening a portal to hell,

PIP: Someone kicks the bucket!

CRAIG: Christ..

PIP: Why did you capture him, Gregory?

PIP: You know I hate this one

GREGORY: He was the closest one, Sir Pip!

PIP: You could've just grabbed them ALL!

PIP: Now our plan will fucking CRUMBLE because of you!

PIP: You SENTIENT. STAPLER.

GREGORY: I

GREGORY: Sir Pip….

PIP: NO! NO I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU ANYMORE!

PIP: Anyway, since you ARE here

PIP: You may as well make yourself of good use to me

CRAIG: What?

PIP: Where are Stan and his little friends?

PIP: Out of all of you dicktwats, THEY treated me worst

PIP: So… where are they?

(EDITS MADE BY @pissblanket)

#craig tucker #craigfluencer #hellpark #south park #southpark #south park edits #sp #underworld park #underworld park clyde #underworld park thomas #underworld park gregory #underworld park pip

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