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little-paper-ghost-child · 4 days

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GODS I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS

Here’s the first song story I did

It’s shit because I like barely edited it but whatever it’s done and going out into the world

Tw for: murder, child abuse, strangulation, police (idk if I should add more but Weh)

This is the song

Please remember!!! This is not based off of the song specifically and is just what my brain came up with!!

Anyways here you go

Alex combed his fingers through his hair as he stared down at the photo album. He didn't know how George had gotten a hold of it and he figured it was something violent, but it was still a monster load of unwanted evidence and a hurt in his stomach that worsened as he flipped through the pages. He and Ivan never looked happy per say but everything had seemed so much brighter back then, back before he was alex at all. While he scratched out any mentions of demetri, ivan, or emily, Noticeably, Though he cautiously checked every page and pocket, there was no mention of his father.

He had separate reasons for all of them to be defaced, three separate reasons for three separate things.

Demitri was crossed out because he was dead, he was an idea of what could have been and he was lost. His mother had named him that, and he would not let her have that pride, so he had erased demitri as his quietest form of retaliation.

Emily was crossed out because the bitch didn't deserve to be remembered. She didn't deserve anything she had. And still somehow, she got everything she wanted from the children she hurt and there was never a consequence in the world for her. She was a violent disgusting person unfit to be a mother or a person at all and he hoped nobody had to know her ever again.

He crossed out Ivan for much less angry reasons than the other two, he wanted Ivan to be safe. his little brother. He loved Ivan more than the world itself and hated himself for leaving him.

“Coward” is what the voice in his head called him.

“ monster. Coward. You left him to die in her care.” it gnawed at him every second of everyday and he knew he couldn't go back now. Not while there was evidence still.

“Soon”, he thought.

“Soon is good.”

So Alex continued his work of scratching and defacing all three of the people for all three of his reasons..

It was difficult to do what he needed all the time and never what he wanted, he still felt trapped even out of that hellhole,it really felt like the only difference was that the blood being shed was supposed to mean something.

—

George caught him off guard with the blow to the side of the head and Alex went skittering across the concrete floor.

He felt like everything was underwater and everything was all wrong.

“The fuck?” was all he could manage to string together as he tried to push himself up.

“I've had a change in interest,” George said as he lumbered over.

“Somebody knows how to pay better”

It took longer than Alex liked to form a coherent enough thought to make sense of that.

“To kill me?” choked its way out of Alex's throat while he frantically searched his pockets for any sense of self defense. George twitched a little as he wound up for another hit but didn't answer the question. Alex got to his feet and just barely dodged the second punch, He was racking his brain for something he could use- there was no way he could stand a chance in a fistfight. Alex made it to the drawer in his desk and pulled it open scanning for something, anything that could be used and came back with a letter opener. He thought for a second on how he could use something so small, which hurt considering the previous hit to the side of his head that was definitely less than soft, but he figured something out in the end.

As the larger man approached Alex pretended he could hear his little brother cheering him on, telling him that he could do it, but it was a cruel thing to do because a child let alone a child like Ivan would cheer for something like this.

When George trew his third punch Alex used his smaller frame to an advantage and ducked behind him as quickly as possible.he only had a second to do this correctly and so much of him didn't want this.

“Murderer” said the voice in his head.

“You leave your little brother all alone and you murder the man who has been helping you.”

Alex took a breath for nearly a second, jumped, and planted the letter opener in George's neck.

He made a squeak, and promptly fell over onto the cold concrete.

He was frozen, then. he was locked in place staring down at the presumably dead man

That he had thought was his friend.

“It's not your friend if you have to pay it to care” he reminded himself and closed his eyes tight.

Why did it have to be so hard?

Why did stuff like this come up?

Why couldn't everything just be okay?

Alex wanted so badly for everything to be okay, but there was no way to obtain something like that. He wanted it more than anything in the world and he would never get it, and even when things finally seemed to work out, it always went to shit.

Why did it have to do that?

Why did it have to be so hard?

Why did stuff like this come up?

Why couldn't everything just be okay?

It hit him in a second that all the evidence was gone. All the evidence he could possibly get rid of was gone with George, if everything was gone, there was only one place he was supposed to go.

—

Alex got in his car after he had finished defacing anything that he had left remotely close to a normal keepsake. He left the body, he didn't care. He knew where he was going, he remembered being dragged back by walk or car every time he tried to run away. He could practically hear Emily screaming at him that she swore he was trying to get them in trouble.That he was a disgusting excuse for a child. That his father was waiting for him at home.he could never remember anything but angry flashes after that.

Even though he knew the way perfectly, it still took something out of him to get to the right streets. He figured he had a concussion but now was not the time to worry about that. There was that, and there was the voice in his head as well.

“Why would you go back when you are just going to hurt? Murderer murderer murderer.you left little brother all alone to kill your own father, and you couldn't even find him. Why would Ivan want to see you ever again? Not to mention Emily will be there too. Can you really face her? Maybe you want to see her, because for all of the shit maybe you are a mama's boy. You probably failed to protect your brother. You are failing to stay away. Maybe Emily will hurt you again, maybe you deserve it. You probably even liked it when-”

“Shut up”, Alex said aloud. “I hate her and I hate you.”

he looked in the rearview mirror for the last comment, glaring at himself like it would leak through into his thoughts and make them go away. He hated remembering, hated thinking about it at all, hated her voice echoing around his head, but things would never change so he did his best to push her out of his mind for now.

As he turned the corner, one side of the road opened down a lake miles below. Alex weighed the possibilities of anyone finding him if he drove off and into the water, but he had heard that drowning wasn't exactly as quick and easy enough to make it all that tempting.

—

Alex got out of the car before he turned the street corner. He had grabbed his gun from the car, and the voice inside his head bubbled up to hiss at him.

“A gun?” it said. “Murderers use guns. Monsters use guns. What do you think that makes you? What are you going to do with it anyway? You could end up hurting ivan.”

Alex shook his head as if to shake the voice right out of his head and shoved the gun into his belt.

“It was just in case,” he told himself.

“Just in case anything went badly like it always seemed to.”

Seeing down the street he grew up on hurt Alex more than he wanted to think about.

“No” he thought

“Dimitri grew up here.” was easier to think about but only by a little.

Nothing was easy here, it never had been and it never would be but he would take what comfort he could get, and if that was by remembering a dead dream then he would remember but not connect.

As Alex walked towards his inevitable destination he scanned the roads and felt like a little kid again, recounting things that had happened in certain places. There was a tree that dimitri was once sitting under when a branch fell off, there were the bushes where dimitri had been bitten by a stray dog who roamed around, from which alex still had a small scar. There was the spot on the road where the police had been called the first time- and the spot where they had been called the second. And finally, there was the house.

Walking down the driveway he could see the trash bags all up one side of the fence. Piles of empty bottles and cans were shoved under the rotting porch and as he walked down the driveway Alex could smell the house reeked of beer and mold and filth.

“This was a bad idea” said the thoughts in his head.

“Your brother doesn't want to see you anyway. And you know what emily will do when she finds you-”

Alex forcefully shoved that voice out of the way and stared at the door. From inside there was something that might have been a yell, and something glass breaking.

He couldn't stall any longer.

After a minute all too short to prepare himself, Alex opened the door and went in.

—

The smell was worse on the inside.

The carpet was dirty and the ground was littered with all sorts of things that couldn't be safe for walking on, which made him more so glad he had kept his shoes on. Now that he was inside he could see that the disarray of the place had only gotten worse after he left, which made sense considering most of the cleaning was done by Alex himself, but was still upsetting to see. As he moved through the house, he remembered a thousand awful little things. Pins under fingernails, the feel of uncooked, moldy fruits or vegetables in his mouth, little cockroaches and worms that made homes in the mess. He didn't like thinking about it, remembering it made him want to scratch at his skin, made him feel dirty.

Nothing in this house was nice, but nothing had gotten under his skin until he saw the whiskey on the counter.

It was half empty and there was a dirty glass set beside it. Alex gaged like he was trying to throw it up, but there was nothing to throw up. He hated the sight of it, hated the burn of it, he remembered crying, crying made it worse.

For every cry he let out she would always pour a little more into the cup, a little more, a little more, until he stopped crying, sometimes he threw up, sometimes he fell asleep, sometimes he couldn't remember.

Alex’s hand raised instinctively to his mouth.

“you are going to throw up oh no, oh god no you feel sick you are sick and everything is wrong, stop crying you're only going to make it worse it burns you are suffocating it burns it hurts you are going to be sick you are going to throw up-”

The crash of something glass and a strangled yell upstairs broke Alex out of his headspace, and his focus snapped to the staircase. Alex ran up the stairs and turned the corner so fast he almost fell over. He barely even thought as he ran to the one open door, and he barely even thought as he reached for his gun.

—

Emily Volkova had never been a good person. She only hurt and ruined and broke people and things and really anything she could get her hands on. And her own two children were things remarkably easy to get her hands on.

Ivan was on the ground, just barely struggling against Emily, who had her hands around his neck so tight it looked like she herself was straining. She was never particularly strong but she had the advantage of being a grown woman fighting against a nine year old boy, and the advantage that the nine year old boy she was fighting wanted nothing more than for her to love him.

Alex could see ivans mouth moving, trying to choke out words that were lost to his excuse of a mothers screaming. Alex could barely understand what he was saying, but he didn't need to. What he did know was that Emily volkova had never been a good person, and that he was going to make her stop.

The sound of the gun cocking might have been what had gotten her attention, or she had just happened to notice at the moment he was leveling it to her head.

“Demitri, why the fuck are you here?” she said, barely loosening her grip on ivan. Her shock turned to anger turned to vicious manipulation faster than Alex could keep up with.

“Did your little trip go well? you leave right after your father so i have to take care of this stupid fucking kid by myself, why would you leave your own mother?”

“Shut up” was all that Alex said. He had built up all this hatred for this woman in his head but being with her now, seeing her, he hated himself for being scared.

She put on a face like she was hurt before shoving Ivan to the ground and getting up.

“dont tell me to fucking shut up you little shit. You would really shoot your own mother too? In Front of your little brother, the world out there has ruined you demitri.”

She took a step towards Alex and he had to fight himself not to step back, shaking as he tried to hold the gun in place.

“Ivan, close your eyes and cover your ears” he said, trying to see around Emily to his brother, who moved slowly and shakily.

“That's it.” Emily said with a little more fear in her voice.

“Put the gun down, Demitri, you can't do this to your mother.”

“You were never my mother, I was never your son.” was all Alex said before he pulled the trigger.

—

Alex didn't like guns all that much because they were very loud and sometimes made big messes. He didn't like this situation much at all but he had to make sure that Ivan was okay, Alex could wait for later. As he moved his way into the room, he locked eyes with Ivan and felt a gut wrenching tear in his stomach. He could feel how hurt this little boy was. Then, he could see it. The bruises around his neck were to be expected, he had a black eye too. Ivan was covered in bruises, over his arms and legs that Alex could see. He seemed to have little cuts too, burns or razor slashes, cuts from kitchen knives or cut up soda cans might have been in the mix too. Some looked new, some looked old, more than a few looked infected.

“Oh god ivan.” Alex said involuntarily.

Ivan just stared, shaking, scared.

“I'm so sorry.” didn't get a response either.

So Alex sat with Ivan for a moment, a few more, what felt like an eternity, until Ivan reached and grabbed a hold of Alex's coat sleeve, then buried his face in Alex's shoulder. Alex held on like he was going to lose him again.

He never wanted to let go.

Ivan was cold and he was shaking, Alex could feel it radiating off of his body. He felt a pull of guilt, but he buried it, that's not what either of them needed right now.

“I'm going to take you away from here okay?” Alex told him.

“I'm going to make sure that nobody hurts you ever again.”

He scooped Ivan up and carried him slowly down the stairs, whispering gentle reassurances that he knew meant next to nothing.

He just wanted it to be okay,

He just wanted Ivan to be okay.

Alex hated that this gentleness felt like a lie after all that he’d done, but as long as Ivan could be alright again he would fake a whole world.

Quietly reaching the bottom of the stairs, Alex shifted his hold on Ivan to open the door. The doorknob was sticky under his fingers as he turned the knob, opening the door to the porch. From the porch you could see the whole yard, and you could see Domonik Volkov standing in the grass.

—

Ivan could feel his older brother tense, but the way he was positioned, he couldn't quite see.

“What is it?” he wanted to say, but words couldn't find their way to his mouth. A man's voice said something in a language he heard grown ups speak sometimes and Ivan tried to squirm to look, but Demitri held him too close. His older brother slowly, very slowly, walked off the porch to a bush and very carefully sat Ivan down on the dead grass.

“Stay here,” he said to ivan.

“Stay here, and don't look over there, and cover your ears, okay?”

Ivan nodded, and turned in the opposite direction of where he wasn't supposed to look.

Alex gave his hand a tight squeeze and got up.

Ivan tried his best to cover his ears but his wrists were weak and his hands shook so he opted for cradling his face between his bruised knees.

It wasn't good sound protection, he could still hear the two talking, arguing in the language that he didn't know.

There was a word he did know though,

“Monster.” Demitri kept saying.

“Something-something-monster.”

.It sounded so cold off of his brother's tongue that the sharpness felt like a whole different person entirely, sounded more like mother if Ivan had to place it, but he didn't like to place the two in the same category.

There were sirens too now, they started far away but they kept getting louder and louder, and so was the arguing. The sirens eventually stopped and flashy red and blue lights painted the grass around Ivan with a fractured looking glow, but the arguing still went on. Ivan tried to pretend that everything was okay, that somebody was just having a dance party with some nice, police coloured lights.

The argument sounded more frantic now, like they were running out of time to be mad at eachother.

Everything sounded scary, the flashing lights felt dizzying and the yelling was too loud even when ivan tried to cover his ears and then-

The gunshot made everything go dead silent. Ivan squeezed his eyes shut so tight that he saw little spots in his eyelids. Somebody started walking over to the bush and Ivan looked up in hope but it wasn't Demitri, it was somebody that Ivan presumed to be a police officer. The officer scooped Ivan up in his arms and carried him to the back of his car where he gave him a blanket and stale cookie.

Ivan looked out at what he could of the scene, dead grass,lots of blood, the man that must have been the angry voice that weirdly looked alot like his father with a big towel over his face, and then dmitri, being arrested.

The eye contact was short, the brief message that his older brother sent was a fierce look and a nod.a nod as they shoved him into the back of the police car, as Ivan got driven away too.

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lumity-poggers · 1 year

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My thoughts on Watching and Dreaming

I watched the episode when it premeired last night but i hit post limit so couldnt post about it. Spoilers under the cut. sorry if anything is out of order lol im sick and im just throwing everything i thought last night down on this post.

-Luz being attacked by Amity genuinely made me cry

-"My girlfriend is too big a nerd to misremember an Azura quote" -luz probably

-Lilith having the haircut from For the Future but color scheme from season 1 is a nice touch

-"Dont you recognize your siblings" Ok damn man didnt need to go THAT far

-The giant stone Flapjack in Luz's nightmare killed me and not in the good funny way but in the sad crying way

-in the words of @minty-creator "BELOS FUCKETH OFF" (We were both watching the ep and screaming to each other about it)

-at first I thought belos was gonna try and possess king but then I realized no he's going to possess the fucking boiling isles titan

-I actually kinda liked that The Collector had no concept of death. They're a kid, an IMMORTAL GODLY KID. Of course they wouldnt know what death is

-Pacman Collector will haunt my nightmares

-The Collector needs a hug. I want to give them a hug.

-"You know this cant last forever" that was said to the collector but it feels like it was also aimed towards us

-The Archivists 🤝Pink Diamond "Wanna play a game?" *leaves them lonely*

-ok no but seriously the archivists telling Collector to play with the titans only to wipe them out leaving Collector all alone is just fucking cruel

-The Collector is just a lonely kid LET ME HUG THEM

-Me seeing Raine fight back: YES YOU GO

-Goo Belos in this episode looks like William Afton. Like- Remember that fucking fnaf 3 image where the springtrap head was open showing William? Thats what Belos looks like. Or burntrap from SB take your pick.

-Raine my beloved

-The Belos possessed Titan looks like a fucking dragon holy shit

-"Now that's a spinoff I'd watch" You and me both Luz

-The Collector picking up Raine's earring and realizing that the Raine talking to them wasnt actually Raine, and then looking upset is just AAAAAAAA LET ME FUCKING HUG THEM

-I LOVE that when the collector uses "Kindness and Forgiveness" on Belos IT DOESNT WORK. I FUCKING H A T E THAT TROPE OF POWER OF FRIENDSHIP REDEMPTION. It was one of the few things I genuinely hated about Steven Universe (SU is still a good show tho they just kinda overused villain redemption. And yeah yeah you could argue MLP overuses that too but MLP was ABOUT friendship)

-Luz, Eda, and King's expressions when The Collector hugs Belos is so funny tho. Literally just 👁👄👁

-I literally screamed at Luz's sacrifice. S C R E A M E D.

-Gaster Blaster Belos Real

-"Eda, King, looks like we're going to be split up again. I feel like I should be used to this feeling by now, but I still dont know what to say" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-I like that Luz becomes lights. Not only was the light glyph the first one she learned but her name literally means light.

-Eda, King, and Luz are such a found family I love them

-"I should have thanked them" SCREAMING AND CRYING

-I love that King's dad basically said "Fuck gender"

-I also love that he has a bad girls coven shirt

-Eda makes alchoholic apple blood confirmed?

-Titan Luz is so gender

-Camila best mom

-LET. ME. HUG. THE. COLLECTOR. DAMN IT.

-Luz and King doing the WEH together is so fucking cute.

-For some reason I thought Luz was gonna die again when the titan magic was fading. Like I thought that was keeping her alive.

-Anyone gonna talk about the fact Eda gave Raine a little kiss when saving them from the Belos goop

-the entire episode was so anime but the fight scene between Titan Luz and Belos was just anime as fuck and the smooth animation makes it even better

-"NOW EAT THIS SUCKA" IT ALL COMES FULL CIRCLE

-Look at how fuckin anime this is I love it so much

-Luz looks so badass btw idk if I mentioned that

-Belos trying to bullshit his way out of this and Luz having NONE OF IT is so great. I hat the "[insert curse/supernatural thing] made me do it so im innocent" trope if it's done poorly or with a character like Belos. Love that they smashed that into the ground with Luz having fucking none of it.

-LOOK AT HOW BADASS AND GENDER SHE LOOKS I WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THIS I AM SO NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS

-I AM SO GLAD BELOS HAD A GRUESOME DEATH THAT WAS SO SATISFYING.

-I like the touch that Titan Luz isnt affected by the boiling rain

-King's dad is A PUN MASTER

-the reuniting. oh my titan the reuniting. I cried. Gus doing a little illusion with his dad, Amity hugging Alador (with Odalia rightfully in the sidelines), Hunter telling Darius about wolves, Willow and her dads!

-Darius and Eber so want to beat the shit out of Terra, Vitmir, and Adrien.

-Camila pulling Eda and King into a hug with Luz is just. YES.

-Yassified Hooty go brrr

-King giving The Collector Francois was so sweet

-All the kids as adults are so fucking gender. GIVE ME YOUR GENDER.

-All the photos on Luz's bulletin board are so amazing. Especially the one with Hooty dropping from a tree that one made me laugh so hard. Also the Bi Pride pin next to the graduation photo was amazing.

-"Stringbean's Corner" AWWWE

-ik im doing two screenshots in a row but LOOK AT THIS PICTURE OF STRINGBEAN

-When I tell you I screamed with joy when I saw there was a working permanent portal to the Boiling Isles I mean I SCREAMED WITH JOY

-I love Willow's leaf headband. It just fits her so well.

-I love that Hunter is a palismen carver and carved a Blue Jay to be his new palismen (according to Dana on twt the name of the palismen is Waffle. I love it.), but I also love that Hunter was (or maybe still is) Dell's apprentice by the looks of things

-The grave for Flapjack made me sob. And then the "Thank you for finding me" on it im just. I need a moment.

-HARPY LILITH HARPY LILITH

-Also I just realized now they all have matching Flapjack tattoos. Im gonna cry you guys.

-The way Darius just slides over after shaking Alador is the most tsundere anime thing ever.

-Theres a little abomination in Alador's pocket :0

-Raine with white hair is actually so fucking cool

-Gus looks so cool you cannot tell me otherwise.

-Everyone thought Eda would have like a robotic/abomination arm but no SHE HAS A HOOK AND IT'S AWESOME

-King had a growth spurt lets go!

-The quinceanera being called a king-cenera is just perfect. King is mastering the art of puns just like his father.

-King having his own glyph shapes is just perfect I love it!

-Collector making fireworks shooting stars is amazing

-THEY DID THE HUNTER "BYEEE" TO BOTH THE COLLECTOR AND US

Im going to miss toh. It was one of the best shows Ive ever watched.

Edit: I hat the new post editor istg

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la-lauren · 2 years

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Alexia (I found a word document I was using as a diary)

I apparently didn’t trust tumblr for a while in 2010, and I was afraid my roommate was reading my physical diary.

After all these years, my brain has created a story in my head that Alexia never really cared about me and I was just a convenient friend, but that when I became Too Much, she just let it go. But I have a quote from her email in this document, and it made me cry just now:

“So.. Hasst du mich? Hast missachtung fuer mich? Willst du nicht mehr An. Mir denken? Also, weil ich einen harten kopf habe, was macht dass du nicht mehr An. Mir glaubt! Wie habe ich dich verletzt? War és wahrend dland oder danach?Bitte Lauren, ich muss és wissen um nicht die Gleiche faehlern zu machen.Ich liebe dich. Und manchmal és tut weh wenn ich an dir denke, weil és So stark ist Und ich verstehe és nicht.”

I’ll translate it because her German isn’t the best either and idk if it would run through a translator properly.

“So... Do you hate me? Do you have disdain for me? Do you not want to think about me anymore? Because I’m stubborn, why don’t you believe in me? How have I hurt you? Was it during Germany or after? Please Lauren, I need to know so that I don’t make the same mistakes. I love you. And sometimes it hurts when I think about you, because it’s so strong, and I don’t understand it.“

I don’t know what I replied to her. But from what I can gather in this document, I was a passive aggressive BITCH to her. I honestly sound like my mother.

I think so much that I could be a good friend now. At least, much much better than I was back then. I just went to stalk her a little because the last time I did was many years ago, right when she was planning her wedding. By the name, I wasn’t sure if her partner was male or female or in between. But... now I know. Female. The are SO cute together. I didn’t expect to feel what I feel right now, but it literally felt like a weight was lifted from my chest when I saw them so happy in that picture with their dog. Sometimes I think about when we had a bit of a heated discussion at a lake, and I got up and walked away and said, “I hope you find what you’re looking for.” I think she did. I think she really did.

And now, I hope I do too.

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adam-memeleri · 3 years

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Dial Tone

so i finally finished weh recently and i am ✨not okay✨

BUT i couldn’t stop thinking about this ficlet and i actually really like it, so here’s some angst for this fine day (and some slight alterations to canon but whatever) excuse the poor formatting i don’t really know how to go about it for this type of thing

M Rating (mentions of death and grief, so just to be safe)

Dakota x MC (both unspecified or something idk)

~1.5k words

“Hey. Hi. It’s, um, it’s me.” Her voice rings soft through the phone, hesitant as she sits curled up on her bedroom floor.

“I, uh, I know you’ll never hear this but I’ve just gotta get some things... off my chest, or whatever. Just some things I’ve been wanting to tell you but, you know, can’t.

“I miss you. Like a lot. Which is probably pretty obvious, but still. Like I - I can’t stop thinking about you. You pop up wherever I go, everything just reminds me of you.

“No matter what, I just see everything you’d love or joke about or try to make the best of. Which I could use some of these days.

“And I know you’d probably tell me to move on or keep smiling or whatever, but I miss you. I already said that,” she laughs meekly. “But it’s true. I miss you, and your laugh, and your jokes, and your smile, and the way you’d just make everything feel lighter.

“Now everything’s too heavy. I keep waiting for you to text me, with a meme or a random heart or something, but there’s just... nothing.

“And then I realize you’ll never send me a heart out of nowhere just to remind me you love me again, and it feels like there’s a brick on my chest.

“So that’s why I’m calling,” she sighs heavily, the size of it sinking her shoulders. “I don’t know why, but I kept hoping I’d hear your voice as the line was ringing. You have such a nice voice, did I ever tell you that? I hope so, you deserved to hear it. My favorite part of the day used to be when I’d hear you say hi.” She laughs again, stronger now, “And my least favorite was when you said goodbye.

“I never liked goodbyes, and now they’re even worse. Every goodbye feels so massive now, you know? Like - like what if this is the last goodbye? What if one word is the last I get of someone?

“Sorry, you don’t want to hear about that. What’s something to tell you about?

“Oh, I’m going to school, just like you encouraged. I leave pretty soon, I’ve been putting it off as long as I can. Amy left for her classes already, but she calls me everyday.

“She’s just the best, always there. Even when it’s three in the morning and I need a distraction from...” she clears her throat, “yeah.

“And her and Heather are still together. They’re doing so well, I’m so happy for them. They deserve it, really. But sometimes... sometimes I put my phone on mute when she’s texting me about her and ignore it for the rest of the day. I always feel bad, but it’s just too much.

“Um, I go to the park everyday,” she abruptly switches topics, “and just hang out. Sometimes the dog park, I’ve loved that place since we first met. All the dogs are so cute and fuzzy.

“Mom says it’s good to get out, clear my head. And the flowers are pretty, so I’m not really complaining. I still go to the hospital sometimes, too. Peds is missing you, but the kids are doing well. Hope Springs is helping a lot of people too, sometimes Mrs. Batra invites me to get lunch in the cafeteria.”

Her voice tapers off for a moment. “Something else, something else,” she mumbles beneath her breath.

“Did I ever tell you what I first thought of you? I thought you were kinda annoying,” she giggles brightly, a smile alighting her features. “‘Too insistent,’ I think is what I told Amy.

“You just seemed so sure of yourself, I didn’t understand how anyone could be that confident and not be suspicious. You just knew what you wanted, and it was so obvious you would get it. I - I truly admire that now. I love that about you. To be fair, I love everything about you, but still.

“And then when you asked me to be your girlfriend, I was so surprised. When you asked me out that first time, too. Even when you said you loved me, I just... Dakota Winchester wanted me to be their girlfriend. It seemed impossible. Still does, honestly,” she turns breathless, lost in memories for a minute. “But here we are. Er... here I am.

“Um, Mateo and Lennox are doing well. They’re sweet. They keep trying to help and be there for me, but there’s not much they can do but keep themselves afloat.

“Mateo’s been sending me a random selfie every day to try and make me laugh. Today’s was him running from a store clerk with a broom. He says he’s innocent, but I don’t think I believe him.

“And Lennox... I don’t think she really knows what to do with me. She’s taken us all boxing a few times, but outside of that... She doesn’t talk much, or text unless Mateo invites her to something, but she never really talked much, I suppose.

“She, um, she bought me something. She gave it to me the day after graduation. I made a speech at graduation, actually. About you. Amy cleared it with the principal. I had butterflies the whole time,” she giggles. “If I wasn’t talking about you I probably would have run.

“But it’s a, uh, keychain,” she switches back. “It’s one of those name ones, with - with, uh... Dako-“ her voice breaks before she sucks in a deep breath. “It says Dakota. She said she thought I was lame enough to like it.” There’s a watery laugh, tears now openly streaming down her face.

“I mean, she was right. I -“ her voice cracks again, “I love it. I always carry it now, and take it out when I get stressed, or when I need to remember you.

“My mom keeps telling me I should stop remembering, ‘cause all it does is make me cry, but I’m-“ a choked sob escapes her “-I’m just so afraid of forgetting you. I can’t forget you, ever.

“I probably sound like I mess, but you’re not even listening are you, so what does it matter?” her tone darkens as she swipes beneath her eyes, harshly wiping away the tears.

“You’re not listening now, or ever again, and you’re the only one that would listen if you were here and I know you said that - that - that you are, but how am I supposed to believe that?! It’s been months and nothing’s changed and - and everyone always just stares at me when I say that, like - like-“ she cuts off.

“And - and Mateo -!” She halts, catching her breath before her voice returns, calmer, softer. “And Mateo keeps telling me that you are listening, that you wouldn’t say that unless it was true. That you’ll always be here for me, and... and I haven’t been able to decide if that’s as good as either of you made it sound. If I’m okay with you seeing me like this.

“I just know you’d hate it. You’d hate it so much, because you always hated when I was upset. I know you’d try and make me feel better and you’d have so many jokes, and then you’d put on a horror movie and get ice cream and - and -“ she stops herself for a long while, taking deep breaths to calm down and prevent sobs from fully taking over.

“I haven’t watched a horror movie since,” she finally speaks up again. “Amy invited me to the movies before she left, but I turned her down. Yours was so much better than all of them anyway, and not just ‘cause I was the star. You put so much love into it, I’ve never seen anything like it. I’ve never seen anything like you, either.

“I wish you got the chance to make so many more movies. They would have been beautiful. Scary, but beautiful.

“Everything you do is beautiful. I miss that. The beauty every day. I miss you. I know I keep saying that but... I don’t know, I can’t stop... thinking about it, all of it.”

The keychain rattles as she pulls it from her pocket, the pad of her thumb tracing over the lettering. “Dakota,” she whispers, reverently. “I looked your name up a while ago. Means ‘friend.’ I couldn’t think of anything more fitting. My Dakota, the friend to everyone.”

She sniffles, the keychain clinking again. “I, um, I should go. Lennox is taking me to meet Mateo at the diner. We get milkshakes every Saturday and I don’t want to be late. I love you. So much. And I miss you so much, too and - and bye. For now, okay? Just for now.”

The phone hangs up, and she prays it can be heard. That they were right, and Dakota really was listening. Prays that the dial tone rings on an open line.

#i put off the last three chapters since it was made public cuz i just adore dakota so much #and holy fuck was it awful #but so pretty at the same time #ughh #playchoices #choices fanfic #with every heartbeat #choices weh #dakota winchester #dakota x mc #tw death #death tw #cw grief #not totally sure what tags to use so lemme know if i missed one #sidenote:#this is the only fic ive written in the notes app of my phone and yknow what it fits the vibe lmao

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theelliottsmiths · 4 years

Note

Funniest making of video Rammstein moments?

Well this got... Comprehensive. It devolved somewhat as it got to videos I don't care about as much. This is not what you were expecting, I'm sure, but you asked so please be polite and read it. It's like 2/3 from memory so I'm sure I missed just the funniest thing that's ever been in one. Such is life.

P*ssy (let's see if this work of art gets into the tags):

Schneider being a nasty bastard rat man with his leg drumming

Everything Flake says. All of it.

Richard talking about his double, holding his hands about a foot apart

The hoover

Schneider's little kick at the camera because he's 18 years old at most

Das ist ein Bordell?

The little grass song

Schneider trying not to show that the thinks it's 'absolutely stupid'

Flake don't do anything

Their little weirdo best friend hang out warmups

Rosenrot:

Till practicing the murder scene

Paul singing the Rosenrot guitars as he learns how to flagellate himself. This is one of my fave things why does nobody talk about it?

Till saying he wants to make friends too

Till peeping out of the hood asking why(?) he needs make up

Can we count Richards hat and Flakes hair

Richard asking if they should have knives and won't they kill him?

OLI WITH THE WINE UP HIS SLEEVE. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen no matter how many times I see it.

Everything Flake says

Till, don't defend yourself. Richard, let someone else beat the devil out of Till!

The silence after Flake says he doesn't like pain as much as Till

Sonne:

Talking about how they had to make Paul bigger to play a dwarf

Flake talking about them wanting to name the album Herzeleid and then realising there was, unfortunately, already an album called Herzeleid and they're the ones who made it

Did the American tour influence this album? Nope!

Everyone's reaction to the spanking scene

Robert

When Paul feels the Cain Instinct rising and flings the food at Till, Schneider looking on to see his reaction instead of stopping Paul

Mutter:

No :(

Radio:

Mit seinem Mündchen, so spitz!!!

The little opera battle at the end

The fact that it hasn't got subtitles (though I'd rather it did)

Ausländer:

Schneider's dancing

Till saying the actress could like, permanently kick his arse

Schneider and Oli falling over.

Paul with the tusk

Jeez Schneider's dancing though how is he so many contrary things?

Till trying so so hard not to look at the actress' breasts while she's talking (does anyone know her name I feel gross just saying the actress). He does, but he tried.

Mein Land:

Paul and his pale, delicate Berlin skin

The way it cuts from the beach to Flake in his night makeup, which to me feels like they're implying it's his regular everyday look

Flake not super wanting to be there

The dancing. The only time I'm truly reminded of their ages is when I see them dance.

Richard hugging Jonas, just because of the way he flings himself. I bet he runs up to people and jumps, assuming they'll catch him.

Haifisch:

Paul's little blink thing

...Richards hair.

Till dressed as snow white, spanking what would be Paul

Flake being an amphibian

Richard going off track to mention a woman with 'huge jugs'

Stripped:

Down to the booonnneeee

Ich Tu Dir Weh:

fleischfarrrrrrrrrbenen Drrrrrrrraht lang legst. His speech is so rounded, like the bubble writing every teenaged girl uses on posters

The whole mouth piercing story, really. I don't think it's as big of a deal as they do though? It was bigger than a standard piercing and he wasn't very smart about it but it was pretty much just a cheek piercing he treated poorly, he didn't remove a limb. I used to spray stuff when I had a lip piercing so that's just understandable, relatable content.

Ziggy Stardust

Flake saying he's being slandered

Paul's face the entire time he talks about the trucks

Mann Gegen Mann:

Is it weird that I think Schneider's lil drumming noises are funny in the background? They're so small.

Benzin:

Oli really doesn't look like Oli in the truck this isn't funny but that was a strange time huh

The guy losing his mind over the crash scene.

Richards driving face. I remember seeing it as a kid and it was just as funny then. Or maybe that's why I think it's funny

You're the driver, you can't be lying out there!

Keine Lust:

Flake wishing he could be that fat

His safely saddled pirouette

The boys cackling at each other when they see the make up and prosthetics

Schneiders giggle when he says it's his idea. Okay so this is more cute than funny, but have you ever noticed that he doesn't really have a medium laugh? It's either a polite huff or an avalanche of hysterical giggles

Schneider looking at himself in the mirror so seriously idk it just is funny

Paul singing in the makeup chair

Till getting into his suit

Schneider's face is falling to pieces but that's irrelevant!

Schneider peeling himself. Hallo!

Ohne Dich:

Flake insulting Till, Till saying he's going to really make him sweat because of how rude he was. Paul taking the piss out of Flake in the interview.

Did you expect me to run with you? How did you arrive at that?

Tills little mm after he says the sweat thing

He's alive, Schneider, come make it a trio!

Tills small mountain song

Amerika:

Okay mini rant time please bear with me I need to get this out. That guy when Till is getting taped into the astronaut gear? He told Till the Donald Sutherland penis zip story, yet when Till talks about it (using the name, pointing to his dick and zipping) the guy looks completely clueless. It's so American? How could he not get that that's the story Till was telling? Anyway it's funny because he zipped the penis of Donald Sutherland with it so... His boss, his boss did.

Again, everything Flake says. The urinals!

Paul saying their message is Fleisch, Fleisch and Ja and Ich Will, but Amerika was being so annoying that they had to make an exception

Richard with the arcade machine

The director says it's hard for them to play double speed because it's like a punk concert. They... They were all in punk bands. Maybe not Oli (I have no idea what his band was, someone said folk fusion to me once?) but the rest of them?

Paul's little history lesson in his lil nerd outfit

Rammstein created the conspiracy theory that America never went to the moon

Richard re: 10 litres of orange juice

America doesn't exist in East Germany. Why does every country have one country people think doesn't exist? Finland is a popular choice.

Mein Teil:

Moustache.

Schneider's giggling over being the perpetrators mother. Why was he so excited/embarrassed to pretend to be Armin Meiwes' mother?

Stop complaining!

Paul stomping on the suit. Am I just easily amused?

Schneider will just be a bit more woman

Oli's freaky faces

Flake talking about Swedish TV

Mein Herz Brennt:

Till trying to be diplomatic about the Spanish schedule. At least the walls were burning!

Paul being a nasty little thief

The cones.

Paul's reaction to the cones. The giggles.

Till talking to the child!

Oli with the kids when he's in his net. You know what meme that's like, fishermen talking and one gets caught in the net and they're like is it just me or is Dave being hot right now? Yeah that's all I can think then I see his net.

Paul talking about the captive costumes and shouting at Schneider through the cone

Richard having dreadlock flashbacks

The. Finger monster thing where it's like Ta Da

Feuer Frei:

Paul Kebab

Homemade Star Trek video. Paul, please dig it out.

Ich Will:

Paul in the corridor

I really like the way Paul says DDR. Its not funny, I just need to point it out I am legally obligated. Small and cute little country

Paul talking about the cameras killing them and being dramatic

Flake talking about being popular in Iceland

Mein Ohr!

Links 234:

Are there subtitles because of the accent?

That's it, I don't like this one very much at all

Du Hast:

When they forget to tell the fire boy he can cool off

Engel:

Schneider: Paul was upset we tucked him away behind the drums where he could do nothing, he loves meddling and offering his opinion

Paul: *rants about everything wrong with the video* (Paul is correct in every criticism)

Du Riechst So Gut 98:

Till being shy kissing a woman is very funny to me

Seeman:

All of it. The hair, the set, the costumes. Everything. Their reactions to all of those things. What on earth.

Poor Paul talking about the haircuts as if he's ever had more than one decent haircut in his life. Two at most.

Till seems content with it but maybe he's just being diplomatic.

Schneider, me and Oli just fool around in the background and crowd the picture with too many people

B... Bird head. Plague doctor.

Du Riechst So Gut 95:

I love how they talk about it but even though the video itself is super funny, the making of? Not so much.

Schneider saying they wanted to appear aggressive and masculine, screen cuts to what is essentially a gay p*rno/tampon advert

Of course, we had to rub oil into out bodies. Of course.

Till talking about how he layered sunglasses and got the slashes metal things to help. Is it funny or am I just tired now?

Rammstein (I always forget this exists, it's so hard to find it):

Ah yes, first video, let's ask David Lynch. Why not?

#man is till cute in thr benzin interview #my one regret is being too small to lend him my hoodie and or t shirt #rammstein #flake is cute in the keine lust making of look at his hair and lil hat #me rambling #did #schneider tuck for mein teil #i censored myself and itll probably still not work brcause penis is in here #meh probably a good thing

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velvyy · 4 years

Note

Hey, Rad... Alex... Alexlememe? I know that's the name you used to go by and I know you've kinda disconnected yourself from Viv's fanbase after ZP ended, and I remember your memes and such but I kinda just wanted to get your take on the Hazbin drama since you reblogged the headcanon blog's post on the subject. More or less regarding the issue of her being uncharitable to fans and non-fans alike, plus that one callout post on twitter?

So this is weird. I wasn’t expecting to get asks on the subject since like you said, I’ve generally been disconnected from the fanbase aside from the few reblogs here and there retaining to Hazbin and its more recent developments. But yeah I guess I could give my take on this since I mean.. old fans still follow me. Idk why, but they do!So, really. In regards to that callout post (which is now deleted) I really, really don’t care that much. For one thing, Initially I did because I really hated to see someone be slandered so viciously with inaccurate and uncharitable attacks, but I kinda just stopped because even when I linked the addresses from both Viv, and the Ken dude regarding all the drama mentioned, it was either ignored and resulting in me being called a “pedo sympathizer” or “It wasn’t even an apologyyyyy weh” and like, whatever. I stopped giving a shit.

Terms of the traced animation thing... Lol, ok. I mean homages do exist, and her animation thingy was based on a meme so whatevs.

Anyways,I knew from the very start that the whole “tracing” and “stealing designs” stuff was nonsense since there was an entire like, tumblr drama arc on the issue, and albeit Viv’s post is gone, there’s evidence of legal contracts regarding Jiji and that whole nonsense that was years ago. In regards to her drawing pictures of Blaire White and Shoe… Eh. I mean, yeah, fuck em, but she’s made it clear that she doesn’t support those views anymore, and she wasn’t even really aware of the other things they’d done at that point, and I see no real reason not to believe her because what does lying about that gain her? Yeah her comment on the “blackface” thing if you wanna call it that was dumb as shit, but considering 2016 was a rough year for her in terms of trying to find where she fell in the political sphere, I can relate because I was in the same boat. A lot of sjw cringe comps, shaming feminists, and purposely misgendering transpeople… Not a good time for me either! Course I’ve changed. I went from being a reactionary alt-centrist to an anarchist so. Whether that’s an improvement is up to you.

As for the whole pedo/zoo shit, I really don’t see it. I mean like, look, obviously porn art portraying people fucking feral animals is disgusting right. Not saying it isn’t problematic or anything, but to be fair, she did draw this shit like 8 years ago. I’ve seen worse from even more well-established artists and I don’t see people trying to cancel them? Also, the art was suggestive for one thing and not necessarily 100% porn. I mean it’s still creepy and gross, and I’d understand scolding them if they continued to do so but a lot worse, but I haven’t seen anything like that from Viv past those 2 drawings. As for the pedo shit… The relationship between a 17 year old and a 19 year old is… hardly creepy and reminiscent of pedo shit. So yeah no fuck that. Now with the drawing of Mirage and Kestrel and the tag that said something jokingly like “Mirage and her pedo tendencies” or whatever… Yeah idk, I can’t defend that lmfao. Again, Viv said she disapproves of those drawings and doesn’t care to think about them, but that one piece of artwork definitely had some baggage to it that made me feel uncomfortable after reading the tags.Only issue I took in terms of her addressing that, is that she was very adamant about it being an inside joke… Which if that’s true, you must’ve had some fucked up friends like damn.

I would also like to state that cub art is legitimately disgusting and I am of the belief that it can cause harm depending on the context since I assume the consumption of cub art can reinforce the urge for pedophiles to act on their desires instead of finding healthy coping mechanisms for it through therapy. There have been stories from younger users on the internet that older people have tried to groom them and have the notion of pedos preying on them be normalized by sending them art depicting kids in sexual acts with adults. Of course in isolation cub art isn’t as harmful as the actual act of raping a child, and I would argue that people have their priorities kind of messed up since the illustration being acknowledged should be part of combating pedophiles preying on children. However, people, typically twitter wokescolds tend to focus on the art solely and I don’t know why. There’s a lot of MAPS trying to find their way into LGBT spaces and it’s fucking gross.

Now with Hazbin itself… It’s meh. Initially I watched it with rose-tinted glasses and loved it. After watching it for like… the 3rd, 4th, 5th time? It’s alright. I don’t hate it, but it’s far from perfect. Now ofc I know it’s a pilot but a very lengthy pilot I’ll say. My biggest gripe with the pilot is that the editing is really fucking weird. Like the editing where Angel tells Alastor “I can suck yah dick!” and the scene that followed was really off. It seemed like too many cuts were made in that instance and seemed very cluttered. It also feels that way during Charlie singing “Inside Every Demon is a Rainbow” and how many little animated bits were like almost wiped off the screen by how fast it came by, and ntm there was just so much happening all at once on screen as well. I had to pause at points just to process everything that was happening. The palette is also very, very, verrrry red. There’s so much red going on and like… I get it, it’s in hell. But lemme rest my eyes on something else besides red, please. The palette they use needs to be better diversified, and the same goes for the characters too. Every character seems to have red on them. Whenever Baxter shows up later he’s gonna look really out of place. Some of the jokes were ok, and others seemed non-clever. I didn’t think Angel’s joke about sucking Al’s dick was funny. I did like the joke with Pentious and Angel though. “SON??” Some of it could’ve been written better too.

Regarding the drama with the show itself… Personally I don’t get it. Like, I don’t feel as if Angel is homophobic as a character since his queerness isn’t at the face of the jokes he makes? He just happens to be sex worker which… sex workers are fine? Support sex workers y’all, seriously. There’s also nothing intrinsically wrong with being sexually active either? As long as it’s within reason and you’re being trustworthy.The issue lies in the fact that people viewed the things I just mentioned as negative, and associate it with gay people as said negatively portrayed thing to push the sentiment of “Gay man do sex a lot therefore the gays bad” or that sort of thing. Also there’s a bit where it shows there’s more emotional depth to him and I’m hoping they’ll expand on that later. Honestly though, the criticisms in regards to that have been pretty uncharitable. Same with the criticisms for Vaggie. Apparently Vaggie is racist because… she’s loud and angry? Again, this is a case where people assume those traits are negative, and because it’s assumed to be negative, the negatively portrayed thing pushes the sentiment of “Being a loud fiery woman made, and latina women are that, therefore latina women bad” or some shit. There are stereotypes that are bad no matter what the context is like sambo-esque caricatures of black people. Then there are tropes that are applied to certain demographics that have the capability to be written well into characters without it being offensive or disrespectful. Vaggie is literally angry because she’s protective of her gf. Like. C’mon.

So, I think that settles what I think about that? It honestly seems like superficial shit to me tbh, and I’m saying this as an sjw-y beta cuck anarchist.

The only REAL gripe I have, is with what the mod from @zpheadcanons posted. Because I know this is probably true as much as it hurts me to say it. Faust def has a history of being pretty petty and bully-like to people she deems undesirable, and Viv harbors it by not criticizing it, and if anyone else within their friend group does it then you’re scolded vehemently and treated like garbage. Her attitude also stretches to harboring an audience full of white knights that I personally don’t approve of.

There’s also this

Faust has hurt distant people I personally know and… yeah. Maybe I’m biased but I can’t vibe with that. Sorry. If you don’t make an effort to criticize abusive behavior within your own friend circles then that makes you just as bad, because then you’re just a bystander to things you could have prevented.

This isn’t to say Viv herself hasn’t dealt with bad faith actors, or people who had the intention to hurt her, or very uncharitable criticism. Particularly from the badwebcomics forums which is honestly 4chan like in how they operate. It’s vicious as hell, and a lot of their criticisms boil down to insults and personal attacks, which serve to be nonconstructive. That’s not to say Viv has been kind to even the more charitable criticism though. I know because when I happened to send an ask to the zoophobia criticism blog (where did it go???) regarding something relatively minor and superficial, she blocked me from her blog. I’m still blocked lmfao. I’m not blocked on twitter though! (not yet anyways). Faust has me blocked there though, and I have no idea why. She’s had me blocked for years even though I haven’t spoken out against her till recently. So, there’s that.

As for her apology itself, I feel like it was fine. I think it could’ve been worded better? The take I disagree with in terms of that is like… If I made a mistake in the past, and I make it clear that I don’t care for what I did, I don’t feel as if me explaining why I felt compelled to do certain things negate me from still not caring for my past actions? That’s just me providing context. That’s a really weird take, but I guess that could be viewed as an excuse idk. Personally I think people are holding the bar super high to a state of irrationality.

*sigh* So yeah there’s that. I miss the old days where honestly I could be ignorant about this, but at the same time I look at my old obsessive posts and I kinda just… cringe. I was such an irrational stan I almost hate myself for it. Fuck XD

Edit: I’d also like to point out that I’m not saying Viv or Faust are totally awful or totally good people, and I know they’re capable of being better. It’s a matter of whether or not they wanna be better.

#vivziepop #hazbin hotel

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asparklethatisblue · 5 years

Text

weh some headcanons for my most recent Qunari OC as in a character who will be the template for my next tiefling or so god help me who is part of my “Dorian and Bull adopt a kid” thing. under the cut cause I’m rambling but idk suggestions for some details would be nice

so ok, her name is Talan (which means truth in Qunlat according to the wiki and i like the irony of a man named Liar raising a girl named Truth lol). She’ll grow into a decently sized Qunari, she’s strong enough physically but a scholar at heart. She has magic, but for most of her life she is way more interested in studying and the theory of it all. Helps that Dorian is a scholar too, in his free time, and that Bull raised her to want to be curious. She only starts focusing on the battle aspect of magic during her teens when she realizes that all her life her adoptive fathers have been protecting her from any shit a Vashoth mage might face. She doesn’t want to depend on that, she has some dreams about following the Lucerni path of trying to bring reform and peace. Dorian probably kept Talan away from Tevinter politics for her sake. He doesn’t personally care about the scandal of “magister has a qunari child” but he doesn’t want her to face this. Bull didn’t want her involved in mercenary things either, though Talan certainly knows the Chargers.

Appearance otherwise... I guess she actually puts a lot of care in dressing nicely even if some of it requires effort (horns get in the way). Her horns have a gentle curl and are mostly straight back. Her hair is white and braided intricately. When she was little Bull managed to teach Dorian how to braid qunari hair. He struggles a little with it as he misses half his fingers on one hand and he doesn’t want to tug too hard.

Now her origins are what I’m stuck on. I’m kind of set on her being a baby when Dorian and Bull adopted her, and that she was in the care of a Tamassran who turned Tal Vashoth. Said Tamassran was part of a colony or something like that, taking care of all the unplanned but I guess we have them now children the people of that area had. So widely different ages and perhaps even parents that wouldn’t have been chosen for parenting kids either (one or both of Talan’s birth parents are from a line with a tendency to produce mages). I’m not quite sure about HOW yet, but when that Tamassran and some others decided to abandon the Qun she ended up with most of her kids in the mix. None of the other Tamas of the group joined, so she is faced with the challenge of taking care of too many kids. The older ones are fine, and some of the Tal Vashoth sort of took their birth kids in. She knows she can’t do well by her kids, and she would prefer to find other parental figures, but it’s hard if most of her group are mercenaries. She can’t give an infant to somebody she knows won’t be able to take care of them. Maybe the entire group turned Tal Vashoth and they just happened to have kids in their midst and they couldn’t just kick them out or abandon them? I need help with that entire part.

I guess in whatever way it came about, that group of Tal Vashoth is near Skyhold or wherever Bull and Dorian are at the time. That Tama befriends Bull hesitantly, or rather just turns to him for advice, since he knows more about Thedas. Bull really takes a liking to the baby, he always liked children and would have loved to be a Tama. Dorian sometimes is hesitantly interacting with her too since he is curious about the Tal Vashoth. The Tama is probably suspicious at first, and it takes a LOT of time for consideration before she hesitantly asks if Bull would want to take the child in. Or at least help find a safe home for her. Dorian and Bull talk it out and decide that yes, they will take her. Talan probably sometimes writes that Tama. They’re not particularly close, but the Tama is like an aunt to her. Talan’s actual sire is probably a Qunari, the other one an Aqun-Athlok who probably isn’t a Tal Vashoth either. She’s vaguely curious about them but raised under the Qun she wouldn’t have known anything about them at all so she’s kind of not too bothered by this.

yeah idk I just REALLY didn’t want Talan to be adopted because her parents died and Bull found a baby or anything. The idea of a Tamassran with more kids than she can take care of seemed like... better? Like the Tama actively wants to find homes for her charges and the youngest one is the one she wanted to see placed first. I’m obviously late to this fandom and I know there’s some weird tropes but honestly I mostly see the weird shit mentioned by others?

#sparkly ramblings #idk man #rambling here cause harry is asleep #maybe i'll draw my kid idk #qunari

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literallyprentissstwin · 6 years

Text

in the middle of the night 🌜 - luke alvez x reader

this has been requested by @butsomeofusarelookingatthestars <3

Prompt: #81 - “It´s cold, you should take my jacket.” with Luke Alvez

Characters: Luke Alvez x Y/N Y/L/N

Warnings: mention of shootings, blood, angst, horror (idk bad writing maybe?)

feedback is appreciated, i´m sorry for any mistakes xx

It happened again.

Those were one of the last words anyone on the team would have liked to hear that night. They were too slow, again. They could have prevented this from happening, but now, it´s done. Yet another brutal killing, another day of telling people that they lost their loved ones, another day, where they weren´t any closer to their unsub.

But let´s start from the beginning.

The BAU team has been called in by the police of Lafayette, Louisiana. There was a bunch of shootings going on in public places. Every shooting happened late at night or in the late evening. Most shootings happened in parks, cinemas, or at the lake. The police felt helpless because they weren´t able to keep their own people in their town safe. After like the second shooting and still no clue of what was going on, they decided to seek help from the profilers and they were happy to help. Just before they arrived, a third shooting happened. Again, nobody survived. All were brutally murdered while enjoying their evening in a bar.

As soon as the team had arrived, they started their work. Spencer and Matt tried to work on the geographical profile, while the rest of the team separated to go visit the different crime scenes and to talk to the family members of the people they had lost.

Nothing seemed to make sense. Everything was chaotic, there was no pattern. They had nothing. And then, those three words were said out loud. And neither one of them wanted them to be true.

And here they were, at the crime scene of the fourth shooting. This time, the unsub attacked his victims at a restaurant. 24 people have been killed. But this time, he made a mistake. He left one survivor. Y/N. She had a few scratches and bruises, and maybe saw stuff she would never ever forget in her life, but she was alive and breathing.

„Where is she? We need to talk to her? Maybe she saw something.“, JJ said as the team gathered together.

„Y/N is sitting over there.“, the Detective said as he pointed to a bench across the street, „she refused to get medical attention. And she hasn´t talked yet.“

The team looked at the girl. She was sitting on this bench, knees pulled up, safely tucked under her chin and her face seemed to be emotionless. An Officer was sitting next to her, but she barely seemed to register her.

„I can try and talk to her.“, Luke offered, at which Emily nodded and with this the former ranger made his way over to the young girl, who seemed to be barely in her twenties, while the rest of the team was trying to form a profile on their unsub.

Slowly, Luke approached the girl and gave the Officer a sign to move.

„Hi, my name is Luke. I´m with the FBI. Can I sit next to you?“, he carefully asked as he kept looking at the girl and waited for her reaction. When he couldn´t find one, he sat down next to her, making sure he left some space so she wouldn´t get scared.

„Can you tell me your name and how old you are?“, he continued to talk to her, but again no reaction.

He then suddenly noticed that the girl was shivering a lot. Concerned, he took his jacket off and carefully held it close to her. „It´s cold, you should take my jacket. Can I put it around you? I`m not gonna hurt you, I just want to keep you warm.“

And to Luke´s surprise, the girl nodded at his words which was the permission for him to move his jacket around her shoulders. The Girl, welcoming the warmth, pulled the jacket closer to her body.

„So, I heard you didn´t want to get checked out by the medics.“, Luke again tried to start a conversation and looked at the girl.

Slowly, she lifted her head and looked over tot he ambulances who had arrived after the news of the new shooting.

„I-I…I don´t need to be checked out. I-I´m alright.“, the girl stuttered, quickly looking back down on the ground.

„It´s just for your own good. And to see, if you got hurt.“

„Well, I´m still alive in comparison to the others, so I´m fine…I-I guess.“, she replied again and Luke didn´t dare to reply because he knew that she was right, although he still thought that she should get checked out.

„What´s your name?“, he wanted to know.

„Y/N…but most of my friends call me Y/N/N..“

„That´s a beautiful name.“, Luke smiled and looked towards the girl, „I know that this will be hard, but can you tell me something about what happened tonight?“

Y/N sighed and started to shake, „I-I…“

„Hey, look at me.“, Luke said and Y/N slowly turned her head towards the agent.

„You can tell me anything, okay? You don´t need to be scared. Nothing can happen to you. YOu´re safe with us, okay?“, he told her and looked at her, hoping that she believed his words.

After a moment of silence, the girl suddenly started to talk.

„M-My friends a-and I, we came to the restaurant tonight to celebrate Y/B/F´s birthday. She had j-just turned 21 and since we all were on spring break, we wanted to go out and celebrate. Weh ad just ordered the food, when I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I was halfway there when I heard the first shots…I-I didn´t know what to do at first, so I hid behind a chair. Everyone was screaming and crying a-a-and I just wanted to get out. B-But then…I heard him come closer and he shot again and there was a guy falling to the ground next to me. I-I didn´t know what to do a-a-nd where to go a-a-a-a-and….“, Y/N stuttered and had troubles to breath.

„Hey, it´s okay. Everything is okay. You´re doing great. What happened next?“

„I-I was so scared that I just tried to ran the next time he fired shots. Somehow, a bullet just scratched my upper arm and i feel down to the ground. I-I just felt someone fall on top of me a-and then I heard this man come closer and closer. I didn´t dare to move…I just held my breath a-and pretended to be dead. I-I felt this lifeless body on top of me and all I wanted to do was scream and cry and fight him, but I was just so scared. So I didn´t do anything. I´m such a coward. When I heard that he left the restaurant, I pushed the body of me and ran to my friends as fast as I could just to see…that…that they were all dead. The only thing I remember than is that I ran outside and that someone called 911. Why is this all happening?“, the girl finally broke down and Luke immediatley craddled her in his arms to provide her with comfort. He let her sob and his heart was breaking for the girl. After a while, when she had calmed down, he pushed her back a bit to look her in the eyes.

„Did you see the man who did this?“, he wanted to know.

„I-I only saw that he was quite tall. Just as tall as you…maybe in his 30s…at least his voice sounded pretty young, but other than that, I didn´t see a thing because he was dressed in all black and had a mask on.“

„You really helped us a lot, thank you so much! You´re really brave! Your friends would be proud of you right now.“

„I-I don´t feel very brave right now. I just want to go home…and forget everything.“

„You´ll be able to go home soon, just right after you got checked out okay?“

„Will you stay with me? I really don´t wanna be alone there..“

„You can count on that.“, Luke smiled and together with the young girl he made his over to the ambulance, in the middle of the night, swearing to himself, that this would be stopping. Enough was enough. He was done playing hide and seek with this guy.

@hellomentality @dontshootmespence @veroinnumera @sam-carter-in-training @princesswagger14 @tenaciousarcadeexpert @ultrarebelheart @illegalcerebral @remember-me-forever-silent-angel @marvelfanlife @butsomeofusarelookingatthestars @crimindsaspe @the-criminal-soldier @ssaunitchief @lookwhatyoumademequeue @sweater-vest-reid @crimeshowtrash @iammostdefinitelyonfire26 @poppyreid @acespence @jennferjareau @docspencerreid @spencerreidreads

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader insert #luke alvez #luke alvez imagine #luke alvez fanfiction #luke alvez x reader insert #luke alvez x reader #luke alvez angst

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gabapple · 5 years

Text

a survey thing!

Tagged by @seeingteacupsindragons

Tagging: whoever would like to participate, because... it’s Christmas and I don’t wanna tag people lol

1) Are you named after anyone? Nope. Fun fact, though; I was almost named Jennifer??? But then my mom changed her mind.

2) When was the last time you cried? LAST NIGHT. I was so overly emotional watching Into the Spider-Verse the second time through. I cried through most of it lol gosh it was so good. Everything mattered so much. weh weh best movie

3) Do you have any kids? No... but I do have cats.

4) Do you use sarcasm a lot? All the time.

5) What’s the first thing you notice about people? In person, it’s their eyes. Or rather, if they look at me straight on/how long they hold eye contact/what their brows do/etc... It’s a lot about how a person engages with me and the room. You can tell a lot about what a person’s MO by that, and how to best communicate with them. It’s sort of similar online, too... but by word choice- passive/active communication, etc. Trying to get a feel for what their style is.

6) Eye color? Blue.

7) Scary movie or happy ending? I like a satisfying/hopeful ending for all of my endings, even the scary ones. And I do love scary movies.

8) Any special talent? Idk I draw and I write but a lot of people do. I’m really patient, though. Extremely patient. Moreso than a regular person.

9) Where were you born? Provo, Utah.

10) Hobbies? Writing, drawing, reading, collecting things, RESEARCHING, web development, cooking, singing... I’m slowly learning how to play the ukulele, but I need to be more dedicated.

11) Do you have any pets? Two cats!

12) What sports do you/ have you played? I really liked tennis, and I was good at shooting hoops in basketball, but I’m a terrible runner. I’m very slow, which makes me bad at basically all sport.

13) How tall are you? 5′6″ - very average.

14) Favorite subject in school? English. I always loved English. I took so many art classes but it felt like I was constantly butting heads with my teachers, while English... was just a natural fit.

15) Dream job? A regular 9-5 like the one I currently have with lots of PTO so I could do book tours and school visits for a part-time published author/illustrator gig. I really like having health insurance, routine, and an office full of people to see. It’s good for me. Stability is essential for me to do anything creative.

#meme #survey #faq #about me

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enigmaticgale · 6 years

Text

houshin engi 100 questions

ariana linked me this and as we all i know i physically cannot shut up about this series ever, so here we go

endgame spoilers below!! if anyone actually cares, lol

1. What is your name? inigo montoya. you kill my father. prepare to die. NO i’m yarrow but i can’t imagine anyone who reads this won’t already know that

2. When did you get into Houshin Engi? january 2012! so.... much later than everyone else i’ve met who’s already into it. i’m babby 3. Did you read it in Weekly Jump magazine? Or the tankoubons? Or both? i read the snoopycool scanlations on mangapark dot com. that probably wasn’t the original website but fuck if i can remember what it was 4. Do you own all 23 volumes? yeah, four times over lol. 5. Do you own Houshin Taizen? hell yeah 6. Do you have the special Houshin Taizen that came with Akamaru Jump? i hate that i know this is a thing now because i won’t rest until i add it to my collection 7.Do you want a Houshin Taizen 2 to come out? yeah put birthdays in it this time fujiryu you hack 8. Did you watch the anime? i’ve seen it twice but only remember one watch lol. i’ve seen the sub and i’ve probably watched the first two episodes 5 times in the dub trying to watch the whole series through. no dice. oh this is about the old anime. i’m only part of the way through the new one because my adhd kicks my ass daily

9. Did you tape record it? man when were these questions written lol. i don’t even know how old i was when the anime aired in the states. did it even air in the states 10. Give your honest opinion on the last episode. hey studio deen? what the fuck? the fuck was that? you bastards? 11. Do you own mp3s of the opening and ending songs? sure do!

12. Do you buy the soundtrack albums? i got both. and then the 2 character song cds. and then 3 of 4 drama cds 13. If you answered ‘yes’ to #12, what is your favourIte track? MAN that’s tough?? probably... chi-kou-go-itsu because when taikoubou is like “IKITERU” in the chorus i’m like. god it won’t let me upload an image here this website is BROKEN. i’m that one gif of that black woman crying and nodding and then she wipes away her tear

14. What Houshin Engi merchandise do you own? what don’t i own. i need to update that album actually 15. Have you ever bought any of the Senkaiden games? yeah i got both. 16. If you answered ‘yes’ to #15, which ones have you bought? i’ve considered buying a wonderswan so i can play them because god knows where the rom i found is but i can’t read jp for shit 18. Could you name all the characters in Houshin Engi? not off the top of my head in a list but if you showed me a picture there’s a 98% chance i’d be able to tell you who they are 19. Favourite male character(s)? youzen and taikoubou... my first fave was roushi. i also like fugen and shinkouhyou and kouyuuken “who’s kouyuuken” haha. he’s the longhaired shisei. yes yes, my tastes

20. Favourite female character(s)? yuukyou is my DORTOR, i love ryuuktisu and kibi too! also seiba. 21. Which is your favourite Taikoubou outfit? i don’t really have a preference! though if you made me pick it would probably be his first one. baby outfit

22. Your opinion on Youzen’s outfit during the fight against Jyoka? i’m emo over him wearing his daddy’s paopei but that’s more of necessity than of sentimentality huh 23. Your opinion on Fugen’s shoulder-revealing shirt? how does it stay ON!!!! 24. Have you ever imitated Dakki’s speech pattern? i’m a guy 25. If you could transform like Youzen, who would you turn into and what would you do? GOD DJESUS.... i’d make myself a foot taller. and also have blue hair. and cure my damn dysphoria . please i want this transformation ability so bad lol

26. Which act/chapter is your favourite? i love the whole manga but the sennin war arc gunches me the hardest 27. Which anime episode is your favourite? bold of you to assume that i remember enough about the anime to differentiate what happened in which episode 28. Which volume cover is your favourite? that’s hard!!!! ummm...... volume one. i like taikoubou 29. Which title — be it volume title, chapter title, or episode title — is your favourite? bold of you to assume i remember episode or volume titles. as for chapter title... there are a lot of great ones but one that always stood out to me is “Chuuoh, Son of Heaven”. idk why. i just like that aesthetic i guess. son of heaven

OH i also really like 141 and 142 which are “ A Blinding Light, A Deafening Silence, And Then...” “An Eternal Happiness” ^___T sennin war arc 30. Have you ever cried while reading Houshin Engi? bunchuu’s death gets me every time though my definition of “cry” is probably a bit. loose. my very first reread though, i had to get up from my computer and stop reading because i physically couldn’t see. musta been a day 31. Do you still buy the calendars? STOP TELLING ME ABOUT MERCH I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT BECAUSE NOW I’LL HAVE TO BUY IT 32. If you answered ‘yes’ to #31, do you keep the old ones up? FUCKA YOU. yeah i’d display them somehow 33. What is your favourite quote, and who said it? “I learned the greatest courage is telling people my weakness. So I don't want to run anymore: not from you, not from myself!” by youzen. i also really like the line youzen has in the tournament arc where he says there’s no way he can lose because he has the powers of everyone he’s met but the quote i actually listed is more Feelsy 34. Do you have a favourite romantic pairing? hahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa youbou. 35. Say anything you want about that favourite pairing? bold of you to expect coherency from me 36. Why are you into that pairing? nnMMBBmbmbbbb god i’m. gay. the tl;dr is i relate a lot to youzen and i love taikoubou a lot so it’s like self insert without the self insert lol. i’m really laying myself bare here in full sincerity 37. Have you thought of a perfect song for that pairing? What song, and by whom? yeah i gotta.... whole gotdamn playlist. please listen to it 38. Which houshined character do you want resurrected? here’s my postgame fic where everyone gets resurrected eventually. yes even all the rando youkai 39. Which character made you think “I’m glad s/he wasn’t houshined!”? probably..... youzen? or nataku. anyone who has a brush with death and then Wasn’t. 40. Which of the Konron 12 would you like to be scouted by? gyokutei!!!!!! 41. What are your reasons? *points at him* dad 42. Suupuushan, Kokutenko, Kokukirin. Who would you want to ride? kokutenko!!!! luv cat

43. Do you have any friends who like Houshin Engi? yeah!!! and i only had to bully a few of them into reading it. shocker 44. Who’s your favourite Jyuttenkun? kinkou seiba!!! 45. Did you like “Ennui Academy”? i want fujiryu to give me a full length ennui academy manga. this is only half a joke 46. What’s your favourite non-romantic pairing? BBBbbbb hmmm. i love yuukyou and her two dads and i also love youzen and gyokutei.... i’m suckerpunched by found family daily 47. Which do you like better; the Dakki Sisters or the Beautiful Sisters (Venus and Co.)? the dakki sisters 48. Do you want Roushi’s suit? depends on what i have to do to get it lol. but yeah i’m all about that lazy life 49. Name one paopei you want. i’m going to say all of them on account of being greedy and also bad at making decisions

50. What would you use it for? oh fuck. can’t make me go into work if i’m wrapped in rikukonhan’s void, right 51. Who is the strongest character, in your opinion? fukki if he’s got backup, jyoka if not 52. What is your reason? *points to the final volume* Observe 53. Which character makes you go, “I’ll never forgive him/her!!”? outenkun. basard 54. What colour do you like on Taikoubou’s hair? brown!!! my fave eye colour on him is green!! that wasn’t part of the question but i think that’s the cutest and best colour combo!!!!!! you can’t change my mind!!!!

i think fukki has black hair and blue/grey eyes. 55. Name a master-disciple combo you like. again, youzen and gyokutei suckerpunch me 58. Which is your favourite splash page? probably the very first one in chapter 1 cause i get all nostalgia over it. weh 59. Taikoubou + Outenkun = Fukki. Did you easily accept this fact? i wish i could tell you anything that i thought when i first read the manga but all my impressions are lost to time. i wish other people would remember that outenkun is a key part of the fukki equation and stop just treating him as taikoubou in a funny outfit lol. they’re different people, even if they’re similar.... 60. Did the entrance of Fukki affect your opinion on Houshin Engi? again, i wish i could tell you, but 61. Do you think of Taikoubou, Fukki, and Outenkun as three separate people?

YES, AND YOU SHOULD TOO

62. Where on Taikoubou’s body do you think Outenkun’s paopei’s mark appeared? .....people talked about this? 63. Who would you want to be houshined by? dakki. if i have to die i want her to kill me, sexily. sorry for making you read those words 64. Who would do you want to houshin? outenkun but he’s off limits. ...i think anyone else i’d want to houshin already done and did it so 65. Which of Dakki’s many outfits is your favourite? bold of you to assume i keep track of them 66. Is Venus scary? no, she’s very cute!! shame on you!! 67. Which paopei made you go, “That’s terrible!!”? ay. uh. keiseigenjou is pretty spooky what with the “dakki uses this to mind control hundreds of thousands of people at once” 68. What is the colour of Chibi Youzen’s horns? dark dark brown imo 69. What cup size is Dakki? WHY AREY OU ASKING ME THIS-- oh it’s question 69. haha nice 70. Who’s your favourite Colourful Trio sennin? probably taiitsu! 71. Your opinion on the brand new sennin world? luv horai.... new home 72. What is Fukki’s hair colour in act 201? ....there was talk about this?? 73. Ask yourself a question concerning Houshin Engi. can you ever stop fucking thinking about this manga 74. Your response to that question? no lol!!!!! 75. In your opinion, is Nentou in love with his half sister? in a completely innocent and platonic way, you fucking freaks! 76. Did the Sennin World War leave a deep mark on your heart? FUCK YEAH IT HURTS 77. Do you own any Houshin Engi doujinshis? oh yeah we got soup 78. Kichiku, hentai, yaoi, shounen-ai, general. Which doujinshi genre do you have the most of? shounen ai probably. i am, gay 79. Do you make Houshin Engi doujins? i would if i could, probably 80. If you answered ‘yes’ to #79, do you make doujins about couples? i would if i could!! 81. If you answered ‘yes’ to #79, the amount of Houshin Engi doujinshi circles is decreasing, but do you intend to continue yours? man what audience was this intended for 82. Who’s the easiest character to draw? youzen because he’s all i ever draw 83. Who’s the hardest character to draw? anyone who isn’t youzen 84. Have you ever done Houshin Engi cosplay? i wanted to cosplay roushi in high school but predictably never went through with the idea

85. If you answered ‘yes’ to #84, who have you cosplayed? man a lot of these could really be combined into one question huh 86. Does your website mainly have Houshin Engi in it? yeah cause it’s all i ever fucking think about 87. Is there a Houshin Engi fan you can’t forgive? Who and why? :) 88. What is Hanyoutai Youzen’s colour scheme? wh.... white hair, gold eyes, ???? hell if i know. bold of you to assume fujiryu would ever give a character a consistent colour scheme 89. If Nataku were to give you a ride, where would you want to go? nataku take me to court so i can get my legal name changed. idk?!? does this mean like in the sennin world?? anywhere Scenic

90. Which of Choukei’s outfits is the best? i’m longhairluvr69 but i think he looks cuter in his later outfit.... maybe if he’d kept his long hair and put it up in a bun?

91. Say anything about the most memorable scene in Houshin Engi. bold of you to assume i have a working memory 92. What do you think of the ending to Houshin Engi? I’M SAD. it’s a very satisfying ending though. 93. Have you imagined what happens after the series’ end? i got six years worth of headcanons for it, coming soon to a theatre near you 94. If you answered ‘yes’ to #93, give more detail. NO I’M TIRED. just read my fic

95. Have you read Parallel World Houshin Engi? what, Another Story? yeah i’ve read it. 96. Do you own “Dramatic Irony”? yeah! milk junkie sure was a story, wasn’t it. 97. The series has ended, but is your love for the series still going strong? i will be on my deathbed still talking about this manga 98. Do you really think Fukki has nothing left to do in the end? well, he’s finished everything he Needs to do, but there’s a whole wide world left for him to explore! 99. Say anything you want about Fujiryuu. fujiryu i AM coming to japan and we WILL duel in an arby’s parking lot at 3am. there will only be one survivor

full seriousness i am alive and happy today because of fujiryu so if i ever do meet him irl i’d probably just start crying lol. 100. Any last words? read houshin engi!!!!

#yarrowtext #long post under the cut #SORRY IF THE CUT DOESN'T WORK ON MOBILE.... HELL APP.........

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boldandsepet-blog · 6 years

Text

Period pain, what?

Aku tgh lunchtime ni. Since this office is all-girls office, so we talked about menstrual stuffs. Aku harap kalau ada lelaki baca blog aku ni (assalamualaikum jodoh hahahaha), silakan baca sampai habis dan selamat mengenali aku.

Tak, topic ni bukan taboo atau sensitif atau “ala malu lah” utk aku. Aku tak fhm kenapa malu bab ni. Malay culture maybe. But educating wise, we all should know. Yes, men should know.

Heard of PMS? Pre Menstrual Syndrome? That is the shit. It’s all about pain. pain pain and pain, gentlemen. Real pain shoved to your face.

Some women are F lucky they didnt get PMS, all joy and happy days. Some women like me?

Yes. Exactly. I get them all. You name it.

The worst is PERIOD PAIN/CRAMP. That tight feeling of your uterus being pulled and twisted and twisted and twisssssssssted and F it.

It hurts.

I made me angry, sad, “dont talk to me unless I started talking” mood, cry and sleep all at the same time. It’s tragic. Really tragic.

I have it almost every month and to bed I rest.

But one thing I find very annoying is how some people who never actually experience it, underestimate the pain.

Dear Lord, I dont wanna be cruel to pray the pain goes to them but for one sec, I do wish it could happen. So they’ll know.

Your everything hurts. Your waist, your shoulder, head, butt, weh everything lah doh.

You wanna puke, cry, lempang orang all at once. Prior to the first day, you feel miserable, you give up on yourself, you get hungry all the F time, you get suuuuuuper sensitive, you feel like the world is against you, the again, you cry. Hahahaha. Apabenda seh.

Normally, I would sleep in all day. I like to drink cold mineral water. I dont feel like eating very much when on menstrual, but before it came, yeah I wanna eat everything.

Aku ingat ada satu masa aku kena period pain dkt matriks probably, I woke up with a blanket on me and Idk who put it on me but I love that person, Allah bless her. (yes love, bury that in yr brain)

Aku rasa at the time rasa sakit tu, somehow I just want someone to stay by my side, tell me some good stories and let me fall asleep. Sometimes, oh F it, leave me alone peaches hahahaha

But yeah, period is about bleeding with pain but some are lucky they dont feel the pain.

This whole post in confusing. I felt like I need love and I need to yell “GET OUT OF MY SIGHT”. hahaha.

Good luck to all boyfriends and husbands. God bless to those who are very thoughtful, caring and most importantly patient.

That’s it. Im done.

24.1.2018

12.43pm

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diary-iguess · 6 years

Conversation

wahppn

J: nothing bad it was just really hot and i changed clothes twice

wake up 7 o clock for my interview, eat one piece a bread and some orange juice

ace di interview

dem tell me fi fill out the application twice

some yout try sell me a jelly candy

it cant open, but eventually does

Monique forwards

i meet her friend in the painting studio and we go get a box lunch

i sit down and eat the food

im sweating my life away

R: pepper?

J: before meeting the hustling yout, i left my portfolio in the hr office so mi did have to go back for it

no it's just hot af inna kingston

and i was wearing a long sleeve shirt

Paige seh him nah fwd fi di shoot

Thevrtistisjvmvicvn is sitting next to me, but i'm talking more than he

me a wonda how he can go school in full business attire and not become a puddle of sweat

Yanah appears and asks if she can have something nutritious

on campus

like a shake

Juice immediately says no dawg

Juice is working on a mythological drawing, but the paper he's using is trash and i tell him so

he says something about how it will still sharpen his skills and i said he needs watercolor paper if he's going to mix it with watercolor

is my story interesting?

i'm interested in telling a good story

R: I'm more interested in your friend's names

J: thevrtistisjvmvicvn said he wants to be a curator, but hasn't curated any shows yet

i tell him do that shit

lmao

R: Thevrtistisjvmvicvn, Yanah, Monique and Juice

I actually fucking love Juice

Now i know there are places I can't say that out loud

J: i ask my father if he can pick me up because Paige nah forward

he replies hmm

lmao have you seen the film?

my phone is dying and i have no credit because the tuck shop only selling $500 credit today

*back to the story*

i'm telling you this from my laptop

R: What parent says "hmmm"? was this a text?

J: yes

i knowwww

can't even K me

wtf

my shoes too big for me, so i stand on them instead of wearing them for a bit

Juice is playing music on his phone and one of the songs is from frank ocean's second project that he released the same time as blonde

my mind is blown

R: That must be some song

J: Yanah returns from the tuck shop with water still disappointed that there is no health food available

more mindblowing that he released two projects at once

i tell theartistisja that i like doing projects with many layers of meaning and process

i talk about my ananse storybook thesis and how i want everyone to know ananse is a deity and amina blackwood meeks taught me that

i say something like "yea, she's rad"

i talk about how the first time i met easton lee, i believed someone when they joked that he was 100 years old

and hoped that he didnt remember when i asked him if it was true

im dying laughing rn

my cousin invites me to sit and do work together at starbucks later

my father sends me a message "M is here, please call her through K-dollasign"

R: googled Easton Lee

J: lmao what did you find? he and my grandmother are friends

they're both legendary chinese-jamaicans

R: I can see he's definitely chinese-jamaican

J: yes and so is my grandma lol

R: author, poet

not bad

1931

J: but no doubt their swagger is enwrapped in their proximity to afro-jamaicanness

wow he's 87 this year

or 86?

M is my grandmother

i message K-dollasign

"i heard grandma M is here"

he replies "makes sense"

but intonates that he was not previously informed

i try to decode my father's message and K-dollasigns response

"makes sense"

he must be referring to Shutterbug's wedding

the same one i wasn't sure i was invited to

R: LOL

wow

are you going?

J: wait nuh man

R: lol

J: okay so i reach home, turn on my laptop

charge my phone

i frantically whatsapp my relatives

fb message uncle Macbook to get in touch w grandma

i try to search the internet for clues as to when this wedding will be

my sister says i should just ask Shutterbug if i can come

so i do that

uncle Macbook replies me with a different number to call, i call, get grandma

she says "no, no, no, you can't come to the wedding, the guests have already been counted and there's too many"

my heart sinks

i say, okay, well i can still see you today?

my cousin Carlton who wants to go to starbucks has arrived at my house

R: woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

J: i try to devise a plan with Carlton and grandma and my dad all talking at once to pick grandma up and she says something about not wanting to be stranded and i say we would never let that happen to her

the phone isn't working very well and at some point my father has the phone

i return to my whatsapp messages on the laptop and Shutterbug has replied!

"hey, we were overcapacity a few months ago, but there's some space now. if you can make it on sunday, please come"

i tell grandma what she said

"okay, but how are you getting there? and where are you going to stay?"

i had not thought of this second part

the wedding is in mobay

R: MUFUFUFUFU

on a beach

duh

just sleep on the beach and get dressed in someones room in the morrow

J: i quickly say "aunty Rose's"

and she has already said she's very busy today and the plan to see me nah work out

"see you in mobay then!"

okay bye grandma, i love you!

"i love you too sweetheart"

now i have to whatsapp aunty Rose and see if she will shelter me

and K-dollasign to see if i can drive with him

R: funny at points but not a bad day

J: Carlton still deh yah a try reach liguanea fi get some food

the story did not get resolved yet

lol

it wasnt a bad day just long af

R: wait what

J: let me try summarize

R: Well I mean, between Yanah's Healthy snack Crisis and the Wedding Snafu, I thought the day was sealed with you tryna get aunty Rose

J: I was also supposed to meet Pearl at starbucks for 3pm

when Carlton and i pull up to starbucks, Rose a walk up deh too

synchronicity

R: 'the hell? Starbucks is a spot now?

J: that's the culture of the company

im like baffled as to both my grandmother and father asking me if starbucks is an appropriate place to link and do work together

that's how they've been selling the place for at least the last ten years

i order a tall strawberry and cream frappe w coconut milk and Carlton is very excited to get a pumpkin spice frappe, no latte because he doesn't want to burn his tongue

yesterday Pearl showed me a video she edited featuring this black guy with ginger hair, Souffrant

Souffrant appears before us in starbucks and sits at our table

i'm supposed to edit my own video with Pearl's color correction advice, but i'm still trying to figure out my travel situation

before we went to starbucks, we walked to tastees and my mom replied to my frantic messages about grandma and the wedding with "ur not paying attention to what i tell u"

there's like a whole thing where i'm trying to get my cousin Jazz's number to ask if i can go from kingston to mobay with him because K-dollasign is unavailable.

aunty Rose says of course i can stay with her and of course she has Jazz's number

resolve dat, so mi have a place to stay and a drive

there are several unrelated phone calls that need to be made but mi still nah no credit, so i borrow Souffrant's phone

then the next chapter is me, Carlton, and Pearl trying to walk to sov after i finally finish editing my video.

i take some really dope shots of the sunset

pause for incoming illustration

R: i mean

sure

make hay

all of the birds with 1 stone

J: -picture of sov-

R: this is sov

dark

but its sov

J: it's the golden sunset reflecting off the walls

then we all go to kfc and then i try look for some shoes to wear to the wedding, but then mi nuh even know if it's really a beach ting, but never fear, my likkle sister is here to whatsapp me the link to the wedding info website the couple set up!

it's a garden brunch affair ting

so we think to go to lee's instead of payless and when we reach back in fronta payless di people dem close

so now i will go to the thrift store tmrw to cop a whole new fit from the dress to the shoes.

when i reach home my father is going to the airport and grandma (dad's mom, not the one i was tryna see earlier) asks me to come with them which i would have done anyway.

driving back from the airport, grandma's bajan soca music continues to play in the car, but it seems louder now without dad's voice. i try to talk to grandma about herself. i ask about high school. she says, "do you expect me to remember 50 years ago"

i'm like yes of course

she said

"well

i was head girl"

of course! i say

and she was also in charge of sports such as running

the drive back home is very slow because grandma cant really see in the dark

when we finally reach home and i lay inna mi bed, mi wonda why mi so tiyad

and now i know why

thanks for tuning in, this has been an appreciation for the life we live, by Jeana like jeans pants

totes forgot the best part where K-dollasign pulled up on Carlton and me in traffic when we walked back to the plaza to get to the car

then another man pulled up on us and Carlton cuss me jokingly bout how i know everyone and we probably see someone else weh mi know

#fabulous

R: like bloodcleet jeans pants

yea, cause clearly you're a superstar

beer people, links and visits

#diaryiguess #todayfeltliketwodays #kingstonchronicle

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