#neelialee
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Why
Why are you always on my mind?
Why do I always worry about you?
Why do I always want to know how you’re doing?
Why when every time you’re sad, I always wanted to ask you if you’re okay? (Usually by text.)
Why do I care so much about you?
Why when I wake up the first thing that comes up in my mind is you?
Why is everything I see remind me of you?
Why do I miss you so much?
Why do I miss your voice?
Why do I miss those old times where we actually got along? (Was I ever bad to you?)
Why?
Why do I love you so much?
And why... why can’t you get out of my mind.
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Funny how I’m able to mask everything. But who knows, maybe they do know. I never talk about how I feel, no one knows unless they think I’m feeling a certain way.
But yeah no point talking about how I feel because if my feelings don’t matter to the ones I care for then why would it matter to anyone else? Hmm.. not really the right way to think of it but that’s how I want to see it as..
Yeah I don’t really talk about myself unless I’m making fun of myself.
Besides all of that bullshit about me, I miss you and I hope you’re doing well and pick yourself up when you’re down. I still care about you. Sucks though. Sucks seeing that you been through all of that and I’m just here collecting dust.
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September 4th, 2020
Happy birthday!
2020 vision optometrist!! Okay stupid pun.. Happy 24th birthday. It’s your zodiac year too. Damn guess everything ties together.
#n061291#nice#girl#cute#you#neeliamlee#neelialee#neelia#happy birthday#september 4th#9496#942020#9/4/2020#september
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September 4th, 2019
Happy birthday!!
#n061291#girl#cute#you#neeliamlee#neelia#neelialee#september 4th#9/4/2019#september#happy birthday#9496#hapy birthday
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"Phia sau mot co gai"
Song on repeat. Idk heard it from this girl covering it and now I'm hooked. All of these love or break up Vietnamese songs are really getting to me. It fucking sucks. I miss talking to you. I miss doing random stuff with you. The stupid things like play games or go eat. Like shit I'm always down. Whatever you want, whatever you asked I always fucking do it. Now I can't even get close to you. And then your sister be cock blocking too because she wants me to forget about you. I can't, that's impossible you'll never leave my mind. You're like fucking nicotine. You're a fucking drug. You're my fucking drug, my fucking crack. It's killing me because I can't get ahold of my drug. It's bringing me down so much, sometimes I wish I can die. Like fuck you're one of a kind and I must have you. This addiction is making me crazy. I'm too obsessed. God.. How am I going to find another you? Never. Im so sad. I'm never gonna see you again.
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January 2017
About two years ago. You applied at my work place and since that day it fucked me up even more. Like the shit that was bothering me was drifting away and when you started working with me, fucking waves, no I mean, fucking tsunami pushed it all back to me. I was so close of forgetting who you are and you came back into my mind and now you're imprinted in my head. Like a tattoo, no wait, engraved onto my skull and it's fucking killing me. If there's a poison for me to forget you I'd take it.
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I've gained a lot of weight.
Help! Went from 160 to 180lbs since late July. I’ve been stressed out with family stuff all summer and just messing myself out by thinking about things I shouldn’t be thinking about, such as her. I usually see her every time she works at least once a week and I just can’t help it and get hurt. Oh well. She quit a few weeks ago to go back to school. Should I be happy that I won’t be stressed over the fact that she’s not around me anymore? I guess I’m not going to be like nervous around her so it’s more calm now at work. I miss her a lot though. I always wonder if she’s having a good day everyday. Whenever I wake up, my mind just goes to her , like please get out of my head. How can a person think about someone, miss someone, and feel like they’ve been really close to someone, even when they never had any relationship together than just friends (but now nothing)? Obsession. You are like a drug. The more I can’t have you, the more I want you. I wish I can push it away.
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Happy birthday to you.
Happy 19th!
9/4/15
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It's almost your birthday.
Stay happy
9/3/15
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Should I be glad that you're still around for a while?
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June 25, 2015
So now all of a sudden I'm your coworker? Something that I least expecting.. Does that mean I will see you more now? Probably not because I'm always out working. Was this just a coincidence? I've read your text and sorry I didn't reply. I'm too scared to. To this day, I still don't understand how did I hurt her. Explain. I've asked her about it and she doesn't know what you're talking about. Please let me explain my half, someday. Sorry, I'm scared around you, believe me. Fucking kryptonite..
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I'm just trying to stop thinking or caring about you. You were never there anyways. I conditioned myself to think that we are friends but we're not, so now I'm obsessed. I hate this feeling of losing you even when I've never had you. How can this feeling be so deep when you were never mine?
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January 27, 2015
Why did I even fall for you? I don’t even know you.. Fuck.
I’m literally going insane, my headache is getting worse. Feels like I have to hold it to keep it in place. I can feel the blood flowing throughout my head. I feel scared, lost, helpless, and hopeless. I swear every time I see you or a photo of you, I always say, “fuck you leave me alone.”
Please leave me alone or help me.
Please, I’m begging you.
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September 4th, 2018
Happy birthday! Wished I was there to say happy birthday
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Sometimes the best feeling is not within the real world but within a dream.
It felt so damn real. I remembered everything even your slight touch. During that dream, we set up the GameCube and played Super Smash Bro., you were using Samus and I was using Link. Then I thought to myself that I haven’t played this game for a while and I must be rusty. Indeed I was right. You kicked me off balance and I fell down. As we play I noticed your leg made contact with mine. I was able to feel the warmth feeling exerting for your body. That chilled feeling that I usually get was there. While playing the game, the TV monitor was facing side ways and it started to annoy us, so I tried to move the TV towards our direction without knocking down anything. It was pretty complicated but I really wanted I fix it so I can continue to play with you.
I really wish that dream didn’t stop because that was probably the closest thing that I can imagine being with you. My dream that is.
But.. All dreams always ended bad. You said I suck and the TV monitor was not really facing us so you got up and left me. As I woke up from my dream, feeling miserable, I was still happy about it even if it didn’t even happen in real life. I know for a fact that we will never play Super Smash Brothers, Pokemon, or any other game together with you every again. I wonder if you started new game or released all of my Pokemon that i’ve traded you. I really do miss you.
#n061291#you#neelia#neelialee#miss you#super smash bro#dream#best feeling#miserable#happy#joy#ily#blog#vent#help
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Toss it all out.
So A few days ago, I finally realized how fucked up my body was from all of those alcohol, cigs, and hookah I’ve been doing. Heart pounded a bit harder. I’ve been feeling lazy and lethargic. The ‘fuck it’ kinda feeling.
P.S. You got me drinking more. Also, started me on smoking. Thanks I still miss you. I'm glad you are enjoying life. Too bad it wasn't me for your happiness
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