#nhs hero

[letstalkbeautyuk]

❤️ iCare badges - great for hospital staff and carers

#icare #nurse #proudnurse #nhsstaff #NHS #25mm #badges #savethenhs #craft #bbloggers #badge #pins #buttons #handmade #koolbadges #badgemaker #nurselife #nhs hero #nhs staff #nhs strike #uk nhs #self care #carer #love heart #bekind #be kind

[qinghe-s]

brothers (gif version of this post by @br-disaster)

[id: the first gif is of nie huaisang from episode 35 of the untamed. the second gif is on nie mingjue from episode 23. both gifs show them from the shoulders up, looking toward the left and blinking as they turn to someone on the right. end id.]

#nie huaisang #nie mingjue #nie brothers #mxtxnet #theuntameddaily #these bitches r so synced they even start blinking on the same frame #provided the gifs load at the same time... tumblr!! [shakes fist] #all credit to ana for finding the perfect moment obv! the hero we need #look at these beautiful boys though... truly impeccable casting. exactly similar-looking enough to pass as half-brothers #i love them :( #nhs #nmj #cql #cqlgif #mycql #cql: all #gif

[heromonty]

He misses her everyday.

#sims 2 #the sims 2 #ts2 #sims 2 gameplay #veronaville #antonio monty #nh: veronaville #vv: antonio monty #decided to spawn hero’s grave

[jin-zixun]

I'm trying to make a post on the villain squad that isn't salty towards wwx and lwj and I'm not doing well. So I'll try to make it quick.

The villain squad haven't actively done anything evil for years. All of their actions in the current time are reactions to other characters who want them dead.

The fatal flaw that gets them in the end isn't that they turn on each other or that they don't care, they actually care too much. It isn't having bad plans or bad teamwork or doing bad things or doing things badly, they just are always, always weaker than the heroes.

They never have the upper hand, they're desperate and still never have enough leverage to even get away with their lives. They are completely outdone by power alone. The power of the heroes. Who want them to die. They're defined by their powerlessness in, like, every way.

They're the outcasts, they're the underdogs, they're the ones trying to survive and also the ones making things better (well. well ok maybe not xue yang on that last part. but like. whatever.) with the systems that are in place. And they are never enough. Not enough to save each other, not enough to save themselves. Boxed into a fate with no other choice, just like it's always been and no one wants to hear it and now no one ever will.

#this is the one #barely any salt at all #if you don't read between the lines haha #jin guangyao #su she #xue yang #uh the nature of villainy #when all your villains actions are reactions #to being attacked by someone else #like if the villain is always on defense #can they really be called a villain at all? #anyway nhs is more the villain really but the heroes side with him #they forgive him and his actions but not the actions of jgy+co from like a decade ago #well maybe not forgive but they don't pursue him at all or try to punish him

[gascon-en-exil]

It took 49 (!) pulls, but I finally got my first Emblem unit. I don't think I've ever spent orbs so recklessly before in the three years since I started playing FEH.

#Fire Emblem #FEH #Fire Emblem Heroes #I still have enough to spark on the upcoming NH banner like always #But I'll be cutting it much closer than I'd like #Oddly enough not being able to spark on most banner types probably helps me #I just don't bother pulling on the majority of seasonals

[louisupdates]

NHS HEROES (21.5.18) FREYA LEWIS

#louis tiktok #freya lewis #NHS heroes #louis tomlinson

[gravitywonagain]

Beating Like a Hammer; Part 3

continuing this story about wlw wangxian hate-sex :) [part 2]

tags: genderswapped characters, enemies to lovers, slow burn, dapper butch!lwj, vaguely femme!wwx, gratuitous mentions of woodworking and rugby minutiae, “dyke” but never as a slur, queer fam movie night, public sexual activity (it's not sex, but it's definitely horny)

more tags to come later (including but not limited to: pop culture references as flirting, trucks with sword names, bad bdsm etiquette, and better bdsm etiquette)

[E (eventually), 8k, 3/9, WLW Wangxian]

iii.

—

[she won’t get out of your seat on movie night so you spend the whole movie in her lap to prove a point.  she strums her fingers on your thigh and you wiggle into her crotch and cross your arms.  she laughs and it’s soft against your neck.  asshole.]

—

Movie night is a monthly thing that Nie Huaisang’s sister insists on hosting. It started as a way, Wei Ying is fairly certain, for Nie Mingjue to check in on her younger sibling and make sure they weren’t starving or getting into drugs or generally falling down a well. It has become a kind of community night that includes anywhere from three to twelve people, depending on the week. 

Wei Ying, as Nie Huaisang’s roommate, is not allowed to skip it. 

It’s not usually a hardship. Nie Mingjue has a truly massive TV -- it takes up almost an entire wall in her living room. Her sound system has better acoustics than most movie theaters. The food is usually good, the beer is plenty (and local!), and Wei Ying has figured out the best seat in the house, sinking into the soft, velvety corner of the couch next to the loveseat where she never catches a glare and the sound is loud enough that she can lose herself in the experience. 

(Hearing loss is a non-negligible risk in her career. Especially when she only uses headphones as protection, and not even the good ones. Yes, she can still hear her mother’s disappointment from beyond the grave, thank you for asking.)

The movies and films they watch are varied enough that it’s never boring, though occasionally they get a bit weird. Nie Huaisang went through a Lars von Trier phase some years ago that was… well. Wei Ying still has weird dreams about Charlotte Gainsbourg and Kirsten Dunst sometimes. Lately the group has decided to revisit the kung fu classics of the seventies and eighties. Not all of them have aged particularly well. Many in the group have trained in some form of wushu or wing chun. Heckling is not so much welcome as it is the goal. 

So, it’s a great time. A night a month where Wei Ying gets to hang out with friends and chosen family and just relax. Except--

Except. 

Nie Mingjue is only nominally not married to Lan Huan, and Lan Zhan is Lan Huan’s sister, which means that, even though Lan Zhan now has her own place, she still comes to movie night. 

It’s a little difficult to tell why, exactly, Lan Zhan comes to movie night. She never engages with the running commentary, positive or negative. Most of the time she looks mad that they’re all talking during the film at all. (She’s never said anything, but the vibe is there.) She just… watches. Silently. Radiating a vague sense of disapproval. 

Wei Ying is half-convinced Lan Zhan’s not even there for the movies, because sometimes she catches Lan Zhan’s eyes focused on her, glaring or something, even when she’s not talking. 

And they do continue their… antagonism. Wei Ying snipes, Lan Zhan is aloof. It’s still strangely off-kilter, in that place that hasn’t decided whether it's hot or hostile. But it’s growing, changing. 

They’re, maybe grudgingly, learning each other the more they interact. Wei Ying is building a catalog of every twitch of Lan Zhan’s face, noting every reaction and assigning it context and probable cause. Lan Zhan seems to know exactly which of Wei Ying’s buttons to push and when to push them to greatest effect, even if she pushes them harder than Wei Ying likes. (If Wei Ying is starting, maybe, to like it that hard… no she isn’t.) 

Like today. 

When Wei Ying and Nie Huaisang show up to Nie Mingjue’s house -- not that late -- Lan Zhan is already there, fizzy water in hand, waiting for Da-jie to queue up the film, and sitting in Wei Ying’s seat. 

She looks perfectly composed. No hint of mischief on her face -- well, maybe that new tilt to her left eyebrow? But not the lip-twitch of a wry smirk she usually uses to taunt Wei Ying. She is, as always, immaculately well dressed. Today it’s light-wash jeans and a short-sleeved blue and white patterned button-down with the sleeves cuffed tight around her (spectacular) biceps -- fuck. 

Huaisang snorts when they walk in and see her there. Wei Ying stops in her tracks and Huaisang continues past her with a gentle pat on her shoulder and a smile made of one part sympathy and two parts amusement. Wei Ying doesn’t appreciate the latter. 

Because the thing is--

The thing is: Lan Zhan knows it’s Wei Ying’s seat. Wei Ying knows Lan Zhan knows it’s Wei Ying’s seat because this is the fourth movie night since Lan Zhan started coming and Wei Ying has sat in that seat every single time. That’s a pattern. Obvious. Clear as a fucking name plate. 

Which means Lan Zhan is doing this on purpose. She’s sitting there, in Wei Ying’s fucking seat, on purpose. 

Wei Ying was raised with Good Manners™ by her mother and then Yu-ayi so instead of throwing the tantrum she very much feels rising on her chest, she turns on her heel and diverts into the kitchen. 

There’s nobody in the kitchen. In the kitchen she can Think and Process and figure out what she’s going to do without anybody looking at her like she’s as insane as she feels right now. 

She roots around in the cabinet until she finds an oversized coffee mug which she fills to the fucking brim with red wine. The first gulp goes down like acid, but then the alcohol begins to buzz softly in her veins and it’s better. Her fingers twitch tight into fists on both hands. The stoneware mug (probably handcrafted, probably local -- Da-jie is full of hashtag-life-goals like that) does not deserve to bear the burden of Wei Ying’s distress, so she sets it down gently with a little tap as she leans her head down onto the cold acrylic of the island countertop. 

She’s being ridiculous. She knows. 

Really. This should not be getting her worked up like this. This is a very stupid thing to be upset about. To be this upset about. But-- 

But. 

It’s Lan Zhan. 

Lan Zhan is definitely doing this on purpose which means she definitely has a purpose. Wei Ying can only defeat that purpose if she knows what it is. But she has no idea what Lan Zhan could possibly want out of this… theft? (It feels a little ridiculous to think of it as “theft.” It’s just a seat in her roommate’s sister’s house that Wei Ying occupies only once every few weeks. And yet…)

Wine sloshes dangerously close to the rim of her mug as she spins it idly (frantically) with her fingertips and her mind works through Lan Zhan’s possible motives. 

Does she want to edge Wei Ying out of the room? Does she want to assert some kind of dominance by proving that Wei Ying doesn’t matter to her? Does she want… Does she want Wei Ying to be freaking out about this right now? Because Wei Ying is so freaking out about this right now. And if that’s what Lan Zhan is hoping for… 

Wei Ying grabs her wine mug off the countertop. 

She opens the fridge and grabs a can of loquat-flavored fizzy water, too. She can be polite.

Nie Mingjue stomps into the kitchen as Wei Ying closes the refrigerator door and Wei Ying marvels at the possibilities that exist when you don’t have to worry about downstairs neighbors (or upstairs neighbors, or wall-sharing neighbors -- wow, houses are cool). 

“Wei Ying, sit the fuck down already. Are you twelve?”

“Da-jie!” She doesn’t mean to sound petulant, but the pitch of her voice does lend credence to Nie Mingjue’s age question. 

Nie Mingjue is unfazed. She’s put up with Wei Ying’s shit for too many years. Which is a damn shame, because when they first met, Da-jie would give into Wei Ying’s whining so easily it was amazing. But alas, no longer. 

“So sit somewhere else,” she says, “or sit on her lap, I don’t give a fuck. I want to start the damn movie.”

Heat rushes to Wei Ying’s cheeks. She’s not sure if it’s the suggestion or the scolding, but the suggestion is… something. Probably not actually a suggestion. Probably just Nie Mingjue being frustrated. But. 

“Fine.”

With her mug and the unopened can in her hands she follows Nie Mingjue out to the living room. 

There aren’t any other good seats, Wei Ying will tell herself later. Da-jie drops into her own usual spot next to Huan-jie, arms spreading wide to take over a solid half of the long couch. Huaisang is in their recliner, Mo Xuanyu on the floor and leaning against their shins. Wen Ning has his legs stretched out on the short couch, knees over Song Lan’s lap and feet in Xiao Xingchen’s. Wen Qing and Qin Su are curled up together on the loveseat. And Mianmian and Lan Zhan are taking up the rest of the big couch. With Lan Zhan in Wei Ying’s fucking seat. 

Which means. That. Wei Ying can either crush herself into the corner of the loveseat -- she could probably fit there with Wen Qing and Qin Su if she tried; none of the three of them take up too much space. Or she can sit on the floor. Or. 

Wei Ying likes her seat, is the thing. (It’s the angles, she rationalizes to absolutely nobody.) And she’s not sitting at Lan Zhan’s fucking feet, so… So. 

She grabs two coasters from the basket to set the drinks on -- she’s already refinished this coffee table twice and she’d rather not add to the watermarks she’ll eventually have to sand out again later -- and then plops herself down directly in Lan Zhan’s lap. 

Lan Zhan makes a tiny oof sound, like her breath was forced from her lungs, but she doesn’t resist. She, in fact, wraps an arm around Wei Ying’s waist and resettles them both into the seat with one easy, fluid motion that belies altogether far too much core strength. (And far too little shock or outrage.) 

It’s… annoyingly comfortable. 

Nie Huiasang snorts into their beer, Lan Huan makes a choking sound that is quickly muffled, and Nie Mingjue clears her throat. 

The movie starts almost immediately. 

Wei Ying leans her weight back against Lan Zhan’s chest, angling herself so she’s not blocking the screen -- she’s not unreasonable -- and tucking a foot behind Lan Zhan’s ankle to keep herself steady. 

She’s grateful for the darkness of late evening and thick curtains as she feels her cheeks get even warmer. (In the corner of her eye, she thinks she can see Mianmian looking very pointedly at the TV, but it’s hard to tell because Wei Ying is unwilling to look more directly and risk drawing attention.)

It’s oppressively hot outside -- late June, deep summer in the Sonoran Desert before the monsoons come to cool it down. Wei Ying is wearing leggings only because Mingjue-jie has an A/C that works and she likes to keep her house at a crisp 62 degrees Fahrenheit. Wei Ying assumes that’s also why Lan Zhan is capable of wearing jeans in this weather. Now, two layers of fabric separate skin from skin and the summer heat begins to creep back into Wei Ying’s chest despite Nie Mingjue’s very functional temperature control. 

She reaches for her mug and sips at her wine without tasting it. 

On the screen, Jet Li is stripped naked surrounded by dozens of men in black armor (ah, they’ve made it to the early aughts), and is led into the hall of the Qin king. 

Wei Ying tries to follow the story. Watches as Jet Li and Chen Daoming begin their high-contrast, highly-saturated verbal sparring match. She’s seen the film before, so it’s both easier and more difficult than if the story was brand new. Easier in that she already vaguely knows what’s going on. Harder in that she realizes she’s missed opportunities to comment only well after they’ve passed, which only serves to make her frustrated with herself. 

Lan Zhan shifts them again. It’s fine. No problems. Another too-easy flex of abs and biceps that makes Wei Ying feel hot all over. Whatever. 

But then Lan Zhan just… leaves her hand on Wei Ying’s thigh. Like it belongs there. Like it’s not searing through the stretched-thin cotton of Wei Ying’s yoga pants. Lan Zhan’s fingers are long. Wei Ying isn’t exactly small, her legs are built from Wing Chun and the years of soccer she played as a teenager. And yet. And yet while Lan Zhan’s palm rests (chastely) on the top of Wei Ying’s quadricep, her fingers wrap (obscenely) around the muscle to brand her fingerprints into the sensitive skin of Wei Ying’s inner thigh. 

Wei Ying does her best not to flinch or tense with the feeling. She thinks she manages it. Mostly. 

She, maybe, managed it less than she thought because a few minutes later when Donny Yen falls to Jet Li she notices that she’s much more relaxed. Internally she shakes it off and just hopes Lan Zhan didn’t notice. 

Lan Zhan definitely noticed. Wei Ying knows she did because as soon as Wei Ying is relaxed enough, Lan Zhan’s palm gets heavier, her fingers spread wider, and then she-- And then-- 

It’s slow. Subtle. A gentle back and forth, fingertips brushing up and down the soft inseam of Wei Ying’s leggings. 

Electricity follows the motion, crackling beneath her skin until she swears she can feel the goosebumps rising in Lan Zhan’s wake. Even the smooth twist of Lan Zhan’s wrist, the shifting of the heel of her palm where it presses against Wei Ying’s leg, even that is distracting. The sensation rides the branches of Wei Ying’s nerves down to her toes and back up to her pussy. 

It’s torturous. Fucking overwhelming. How--?

Wei Ying cannot pay attention to the movie while Lan Zhan is doing that. She cannot, in fact, pay attention to anything other than her own breath, her own heartbeat. They’re both quicker and shallower than they should be. But Wei Ying meditated regularly as a teenager, she should be able to get her shit back under control. 

She cannot get her shit back under control. 

She tries counting out her breaths, but then she ends up gasping for air and there’s only so many times she can hide that under a laugh or a cough. So she tries focusing on her heartbeat instead. Calming her mind, slowing herself down. 

It starts to work. Wei Ying finds that her breath is slowing, too. Becoming steadier. 

Lan Zhan huffs something like a laugh against her neck again and Wei Ying realizes her breath is slower because it’s following the slower strokes of Lan Zhan’s fingers on Wei Ying’s thigh. 

She’s not in control of herself at all. 

Heat rises in her cheeks, in her chest. She refuses to recognize it anywhere else. This is already mortifying enough, thanks. 

The control Lan Zhan has over her is… the worst. Obviously. It’s-- It’s terrible. 

She needs… she needs to get even. 

This whole night has felt like Wei Ying is one play behind Lan Zhan. Like she’s constantly catching up. Maybe she’s still catching up, but maybe she can do something about it. 

She leans forward to set her mug back down on the coffee table and Lan Zhan’s fingers clench around Wei Ying’s thigh. 

It’s not an admonishment. Not a retaliation. No. It’s too wild for that, too immediate. It’s a reaction. Involuntary, too, if the subsequent tremble is anything to go by. 

Wei Ying smiles. 

She readjusts herself in Lan Zhan’s lap. Nothing much. Just a short little wiggle of her hips, a purposeful grind into Lan Zhan’s crotch. 

The tiny breath that escapes Lan Zhan is quite possibly the sweetest sound Wei Ying has ever heard. 

And then it’s on. 

Over the course of the next hour, the movie plays and Wei Ying barely notices the shift in color schemes. It takes all of her attention to keep the game subtle, unnoticeable to the others in the room. Luckily the big couch is long enough that there is actually some room between them and Mianmian. (Mianmian is definitely watching the film with non-zero levels of determination which Wei Ying notes, but she’s too distracted to be much more than passively grateful.) The darkness and the surround sound are also on her side, but where Lan Zhan only really has to control her own reactions, Wei Ying has to consider each and every time she wants to fight back with a roll of her hips. Hip rolling is not nearly as easy to hide as (distressingly arousing) finger strokes.

But fight back she does. 

Every rushed inhale, every uncontrolled hand twitch, curls the corners of Wei Ying’s lips with smug satisfaction. Lan Zhan’s retaliations inch her fingertips higher and higher up Wei Ying’s inner thigh until her thumb is nearly brushing the hem of Wei Ying’s shirt. The competition of it, the game, drives the tension higher, the pleasure deeper. Wei Ying only manages to keep herself from moaning out loud by focusing on Lan Zhan -- Lan Zhan’s every motion and sound as the ripples of each are passed between their skin. 

Lan Zhan’s heart beats against Wei Ying’s spine, her breath ghosts across Wei Ying’s neck and shoulders. The world fades away until only the two of them exist in it. 

Occasionally the film will filter back into Wei Ying’s awareness. Da-jie will scoff a choice in the choreography, or Huaisang will comment on color theory and aesthetic facism. Wei Ying will be reminded that they are actually in the company of friends, and that they are, ostensibly, all here to watch a movie together. She will also remember that usually it’s her own voice making up the bulk of the commentary, and immediately lose that thought to another indecently placed strum of Lan Zhan’s fingers. 

Time passes both absurdly quickly and obscenely slowly. The film jumps forward and then stops, pausing for Lan Zhan to drive Wei Ying gradually toward insanity. Wei Ying is uncomfortably wet, but she can also feel how warm Lan Zhan’s body has become behind and beneath her. There is an intensity to each breath that ghosts along the back of Wei Ying’s neck, scattering up into the short hair of her undercut -- not labored, but… intense. Fevered. Hot. 

And then it’s over. 

The credits roll. People begin to stir. Mianmian is off the couch faster than anyone else can get their feet under them, expressing an urgent need to use the restroom. 

Wei Ying slides off Lan Zhan’s lap and into Mianmian’s vacated seat. The couch is so much colder than Lan Zhan’s lap had been, which is… good. Probably. Definitely. Wei Ying desperately needs to cool off. And she could use a moment to… reign herself in before standing. And maybe somehow trick Huaisang into bringing her her flannel to tie around her waist. Or something. 

Almost as soon as Wei Ying has moved, Lan Zhan is up and following Mianmian down the hall to the bathroom. 

It makes something strange twist in Wei Ying’s gut. She’s not sure why. (And she will not be examining it right now, thank you.) It leaves her sitting alone on the couch, tucking her toes up under her own thighs in a very loose lotus pose. 

She feels Mingjue-jie’s A/C hit her skin, goosebumps rising on her arms. 

Nie Huaisang flops down next to her and, far too loudly, says, “Wow, Wei Ying! I think that’s the quietest you’ve ever been during a movie.” They grin wide like the traitor they are as the focus of the room shifts to Wei Ying. 

Qin Su snickers into Wen Qing’s shoulder and adds, “Looks like Lan Zhan finally figured out how to shut you up.” 

Blood rushes to Wei Ying’s cheeks. 

She has no defense to offer them, though. She was uncharacteristically quiet, and it was Lan Zhan’s fault. But she’s not exactly going to say that out loud if she can help it. 

Her body is still buzzing with arousal, unsated and confusing. Humiliation feels sickly sweet in her throat. But not, necessarily, in a bad way. Definitely in a way she’d rather not share with her friends. Especially while it’s still happening. 

“I mean,” she says, tongue thick in her mouth, “maybe I just wanted to watch the movie, for once.” It falls flat and she knows it, but she’s not sure she can do anything about it right now. She just wants to leave. Immediately, if possible. “Whatever,” she says. “Sangsang, my head hurts. Can we go home?”

Huaisang gives her a look. A knowing look. But nods and -- with no small amount of amusement in their eyes -- hands Wei Ying her flannel shirt. Because they really are a good roommate. And also they see way too much. 

Wei Ying takes the shirt gratefully, and lets Huaisang shuffle her out of the house before Lan Zhan can return. 

“You good?” they ask, once they’re in the car. 

“Yeah!” says Wei Ying. “Just a headache.”

Neither of them believe her.

#wlw wangxian #wei wuxian #lan wangji #fanfiction #mdzs #the untamed #cql #rule 63 #genderswap #enemies to lovers #slow burn #(yes really) #dapper butch!lwj #vaguely femme!wwx #eventual hate sex #nonbinary!nhs #bulldyke!nmj #they are watching Hero (2002) dir. Zhang Yimou in case you're curious #my writing #beating like a hammer

[foreveralonewithmystupidthoughts]

Why can’t she just accept me? If she did, maybe others would.

So, tonight, my mum asked me if the girl I have been talking to knew I was a ‘lesbian’. I didn’t really give her a proper answer. Just said, that it didn’t matter.

Truth is, this girl, is the only person who calls me my name, Dylan. She’s the only person who refers me as He, Him, or His. She’s the only person who accepts me properly.

Yes some of my friends do know, but they don’t really use my name. Or use my pronouns He/Him/His. Maybe this is why I have become clingy with this girl, but she’s also become clingy to me.

She’s the first person to text me first, my other friends wait for me to message them. She’s the first person to buy me a friendship bracelet. She’s the first person to give me a nickname. She’s the first with everything.

I wished I could look at my mum and tell her ‘NO SHE KNOWS ME AS DYLAN, BECAUSE THAT IS WHO I AM! THAT IS WHO I ALWAYS BE, SO WHY DON’T YOU JUST EITHER ACCEPT ME OR GET OVER IT!’ But I didn’t. I got to scared.

I wish I could just run away from here. I wish I could go somewhere far away. But I can’t. Because everytime I think about it, I feel guilty! Guilty for leaving her in debt, guilty for leaving her without my money even though she moans about it when I spend any of it on myself.

Like, why can’t she just accept it? I’m 🚹 not 🚺. And I’m also ⚧. I have felt like this forever. This isn’t a fucking phase anymore. I’m being tortured by being in my own body.

She just won’t accept it because she thinks I’ll change my whole self. My personality, my likes and dislikes, I don’t know why??? It’s not like I’m going to change anything apart from my genitals!

I’m still going to be me. I’m still going to like serial killers, I’m still going to like conspiracy theories, I’ll still like the same bands as always!

Why don’t people understand that? I’m still me! I’m still going to be me! Just different gender.

What actually pissed me off is that she will accept EVERYONE BUT ME!!! She had a trans friend (but he changed his mind, my opinion he done it for attention), but yeah, accepted him. But she can’t accept me!!! Why not? I know I’m her kid, but still? Parents are suppose to love you no matter what.

She knew something was up with me all my life, she just can’t accept it herself. I know it would be difficult at first. I know she would misgender me a few times, call me by my old name (I don’t know if it is classed as a deadname if I’m still using it?) but I won’t mind, as long as I know she’s trying.

I wish she’d just come out and ask me or whatever. Even if she tells me to leave? I would go and I wouldn’t come back, only to get my stuff. I know she probably wouldn’t because I’m the one with the money, I’m the one that buys the shopping, the one that tops up the electric and gas. And honestly she’d feel ashamed because she knows I’d go to hospital still, and when they ask where my mum is, she knows I will tell them the truth. Especially the diabetes team! She will definitely feel ashamed.

She knows they’d be shocked at how a mother could disown their own child because of their gender. And causing them mental health issues and all sorts. And also chucking them out to fend for themselves with loads of serious illnesses. I wish I could tell them the truth. I wish I could greet them and say “hi! My names Dylan!” But I can’t.

I always wonder what they’d say and do? Would they be shocked? Would they be happy for me? Would they not want to know me anymore?

Just wish she’d accept me!!!

#my thoughts #spotify #mental health #my vents #vent account #chronic illness #im a loser #my life is a disaster #this life fucking sucks #aesthetic #depressed #fuck the nhs #suicidal #i wish i was dead #can’t do this anymore #ranting #goodbye #nhs aren’t heroes #nhs are fucking dead #nhs cunts #transphobic family #transphobic #transphobia #homophobic family #homophobia #family is scum #had enough of family #i hate my family #family sucks

[letstalkbeautyuk]

💙 Badges for International Midwives’ Day on May 5th

#midwife #proudmidwife #nurse #badges #badgemaker #internationalmidwifeday #koolbadges #handmade #craft #bbloggers #25mm #buttons #badge #pins #international midwife day #midwifery #nhs staff #nhs hero

[koolbadges]

We've been hand making button badges in the UK for almost 20 years & we send our badges all over the world. Thousands of designs to choose from.

Check out Kool Badges online

#not all heroes wear capes #badges #buttons #badge #pins #button #pin #button badge #button badges #handmade #hero #nurse #nurses #patient #nursing #hospitals #treatment #doctors #nhsstaff #nhs scotland #nhs #patients #ensure

[heromonty]

me and @neosimi simping over olivia and hero monty.

as we should.

bonus:

#sims 2 #the sims 2 #ts2 #veronaville #nh: veronaville #olivia monty #hero monty #wifey tag

[hella1975]

i have spent the past HOUR trying to draw and i only just got my pen to cooperate 😫 anyway im tentatively attempting NH content by drawing sasha bc my writers brain may need a break but i am itching to make something yknow

im still so pissed off that you made sasha PRETTY

#you knew exactly what you were doing and i'll never forgive you #i need to do my nh paper round this morning actually i will be there in a jiffy my love #ask #nobodies hero

[prettypangolins]

Just a little shout-out to the NHS system here which has, on the physical health side alone:

Failed since 2007 to diagnose the chronic pain in my foot

Told me my allergy to NSAIDs isn't real

Done nothing to further investigate the chronic pain in my left ribs

Recommended I eat food I'm deathly allergic to

Told me my gluten intolerance is all in my head

Failed to note that local anaesthetic doesn't work properly for me

Dismissed dysautonomia as anxiety when I've fainted while attending appointments

Told me I shouldn't use a wheelchair

Diagnosed me over the phone with sacroiliatitis and made no referrals or recommendations whatsoever

Taken 5 years to refer me to a specialist for the chronic pain in my arm

Waiting for a call soon in which the GP wants to 'discuss a letter from the geneticist' so that'll be them rejecting the referral on some stupid grounds (my sister has been diagnosed with a genetic condition I tick all the boxes for so who knows why they're not just putting me on the waiting list)

And it's all part of the same fucked up system. If they won't diagnose you (often out of ignorance but very frequently because they just don't want the burden of looking after you) then you also can't claim benefits unless you get really lucky because you have no real proof that anything is wrong.

Anyway, happy disability pride month. Don't let people in positions of authority get away with treating us as sub-human and unworthy of their time or compassion.

#just getting really fucking mad with everything now #i deserve better than this #ignorance should not be an excuse for the way medical professionals treat disabled people #and the system should support disabled people not make them worse #this isn't even going into the mental health side of things #but as an idea: when i was suicidal i was told to go for a walk #me a disabled person with chronic debilitating foot pain and a fainting problem???? #welcome to the nhs #i got lucky with the dentist who took one look and saw how severe my tmj is #that man is such a hero

[prapuna]

just watch g!ntama however you want she said. the order doesnt really matter she said

#yamazaki said 'since vice chief found out danna was a joui hero titled the shiroyasha' and im like WHEN? #i skipped 30 episodes and immediately made known that there was a significant g!nh!j! moment #krispeaks

[best24news]

 Haryana News: NH 48 पर बनाया कट, हीरो चौक पर नहीं लगेगा जाम

 Haryana News: NH 48 पर बनाया कट, हीरो चौक पर नहीं लगेगा जाम

धारूहेडा: दिल्ली जयपुर हाइवे न 48 पर हीरो चौक के पास आए दिन न केवल जाम लगता है, वहीं हादसे भी हो रहे है। जाम व हादसे से बचने के लिए NHAI  की ओर से हीरो चौक से पहले  जयपुर व दिल्ली मार्ग पर अलग अलग दो कट बनाए गए है। कटो के चलते अब मैन हीरो चौक पर जाम नहीं लगेगा। Rewari News: कथा समिति की बैठक आयोजित बता दे कि  हीेरो चोक पर दिनभर हाइवे क्रोसिंग के चलते जाम लगा रहा है। इतना ही नही जाम के चलते कई बार…

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#NH 48 Dharuhera #NH 48 hero cut #Cut made on NH 48 #HARYANA NEWS #REWARI NEWS #there will be no jam at Hero Chowk

[tavina-writes]

MDZS Society! aka: there's a lot less killing than you'd expect

This follows from this post and also the recent translations of MXTX’s most recent interview (which I can now no longer bother to find bc this has been sitting in drafts for like, siiiix months? More? Oh god anyway.) which reminded me about my feelings regarding MDZS society and how different it is from the martial societies we see depicted in typical modern wuxia. (Small disclaimer, I am a wuxia genre fiend and I love like, thinking about fictional societies so this is like, “AHA! You’ve unlocked my trap card!”) 

For the purposes of this, I’m going to be looking at MDZS/CQL’s depiction of the jianghu (which I think is fairly similar! I don’t actually think the show writers made CQL’s jianghu/martial society more genre typical than it was in the book) and comparing that with modern classic wuxia (mostly Jin Yong and Gu Long works.) For this comparison, I’ll be looking at a Jin Yong book — Legend of the Condor Heroes (which is widely considered the starting point of modern wuxia as a genre) — and one Gu Long book — Dagger Li/Sentimental Swordsman, Ruthless Sword (widely considered his most popular work) — and seeing how their societies differ from MDZS society. 

This will likely come in two parts because this one was already getting long, and I don’t think we can fit “how often does nobility exist in a typical jianghu and what do bloodline sects look like normally versus what they look like in MDZS” in this post along with the main topic of “is MDZS society a particularly physically violent place?” 

This post discusses how often cultivators are socially expected to kill people. Like, actual living human beings instead of, say, monsters or ghosts which have been categorized differently than like, human beings. 

EDIT: I forgot to talk about Dagger Li but this was already much too long sorry. Feel free to hmu for more thoughts though.

Now, it might be easy to think that cultivators killing actual people is a really common thing in MDZS/CQL universe! After all, they do have martial arts training and one of the prominent things about the first life is just how many people die both in the Sunshot Campaign and the fallout afterwards. However, I would argue that a lot of the traumas and related issues and reactions that happen in MDZS happen because cultivators are, by training and education, not actually prepared for killing actual living breathing human beings! (And also that the morality of this world prevents it for the most part) 

Now, we do actually get a pretty good window into what the typical training is like for young cultivators in MDZS, because we get a fairly well defined schoolhouse scene where LQR is asking them questions about "how do you tell the difference between various different problems we have to solve?" and "how do you go about fixing this problem?" and none of those include the moral quandary of "if I, a young cultivator out in the Jianghu, see a guy who is doing something I morally disagree with, under what circumstances do I beat him up and/or kill him." This does not appear to enter the curriculum at any point, leading me to believe that the morally correct number of people not like, ghosts or ghouls or fierce corpses, a regular average MDZS cultivator is supposed to have killed is approximately 0.

Which. Is a thing you get in a normal martial arts wuxia jianghu. There is generally the threat of "oh yeah this that or the other faction will be doing shitty things and thereby try to murder you." Instead, in MDZS/CQL most of the heirs of sects are...attending school together. Doing teenage things like partying and gossiping and attending classes.

And sure yes, there was a case of WWX and JZX trying to beat each other up. But the sects did sure let their kids stay at Lan summer camp for months on end (sometimes repeatedly, see NHS) without fearing for their lives or that anyone would steal another sect's techniques or otherwise causing real havoc or intersect warfare etc.

Which is infeasible in any other sort of Jianghu situation. For example, contrast this scenario with this scene from LOCH where Guo Jing's shifus are giving him advice since he is newly 17 and about to set out by himself into the great big world:

Guo Jing therefore bid farewell to his teachers. They had witnessed his battle against the Four Demons of the Yellow River, and were not too greatly worried. The young man had proved that he knew how to use the skills that they taught him. Therefore they let him leave alone. On one hand, the meeting of outlaws in Yanjing worried them greatly, so that they could not ignore it; and on the other hand, a youngster always had to travel the jianghu alone, in order to learn lessons that no teacher could pass on. At the moment of parting, each made their last recommendations. As usual when the Six spoke after one another, Nan Xiren was the last one to express himself. "If you cannot defeat the enemy," he said. "Flee!" He knew that given Guo Jing's dogged character, he would prefer to die rather than to surrender, if he met a master, he would certainly fight to the bitter end, even at the risk of death. That was the reason Nan Xiren gave him this common sense warning. " Martial arts have no limits," added Zhu Cong. " As the proverb says, 'For every peak there is one yet higher', so for every man there is one stronger. Whatever your power, you will always one day meet a foe stronger than you. A true man knows to retreat when necessary, when facing grave danger, it is necessary to contain one's impatience and anger. This what is meant by the adage, « If one preserves the earth and its forests, one does not fear to lack firewood ». It is not therefore not cowardly to take good advice! When the enemy is too numerous and that you cannot face them there, it is especially necessary to avoid being too reckless. Keep in mind Fourth Shifu's advice!"

Does this seem like the sort of advice that any Young MDZS Cultivator would get? "You're a good kid, but when you go out into the world, there will be people who straight up want you dead even though they met you 15 minutes ago, you cannot persist in fighting with these people because they will want you dead and you are a baby cultivator who needs to learn to run away when shit gets rough or you will be dead."

And again I come back to how MDZS cultivators are more like occupational ghostbusters because this really does inform how their society functions and runs and how everyone reacts so badly to the Sunshot Campaign beginning and its aftermaths and possibly explains how JGS could get his way after Sunshot.

Because what happens when you get a society that does train heavily in martial arts and have Able To Kill Real People Weapons who spends most of their time solving very black and white situations of "okay is this ghost whose eating people's livers good or bad? y/n?" and a clear hierarchy of "how do we get rid of the ghost eating people's livers in town x" instead of say "is it morally correct to kill this group of bandits who's been threatening the town" or "is it morally correct to kill this shitty businessman who's been holding people hostage and threatening to hack off their limbs" you have a reduced level of philosophical musing on like, "what is the purpose of martial arts, which is designed to kill people and what do I use martial arts for?" and "under what circumstances and situations would I personally find it morally correct to kill a man?" Which are all questions that Wuxia coming of age stories typically have, and I think MDZS does have, but expressed differently.

Again, it appears that the number of Real Live Human Beings that it is morally acceptable to have stabbed in your life is approximately 0 in this universe, and the expectation that you, personally, might have to fend off people trying to stab you over brunch is also approximately 0.

This also leads to a situation where like, questions of vengeance have very difficult escape hatches! If your parents are murdered on the job by an evil rampaging ghost, this is very sad and tragic and now you're an orphan and of course that's not good, but this is a occupational job hazard, not like, "Yeah Joe Bob from the sect down the street murdered my dad because #Reasons~, and now it's my legacy to grow up to murder Job Bob from the sect down the street to avenge my dad."

(I have a whole essay about how this pertains to both of the Nie Brothers, and how it pertains to JGY and also Jin Ling, and how this seems to routinely fuck people up in MDZS in a very specific way we don't typically see in other wuxias, but this is getting SO long as it is).

But yeah "the socially acceptable number of real living people (instead of ghosts or demons or fierce corpses or whatever) to have killed in your lifetime as a cultivator is approximately 0" means that the Sunshot Generation gets really really fucked up by all of this "killing real people" they did.

Which! might be why JFM was so slow to move on "yeah the Wen are threatening to kill your heirs." <- socially inconceivable behavior. Why society in general is so shocked by Xue Yang and the murder of the Chang <- which would be bad normally but not quite like this. And why no one did anything specific about JGS even if they felt he wasn't entirely correct. What are they going to threaten him with? Death???? A trial of his peers? Social Shunning??? Public shame???

"But Tav how does this relate to CQL!Su She's morality?" I hear you ask. Well you see, the question of "he should've been ready to die for his sect!" is utterly baffling in a society where nobody is expected to be ready to die for their sect on a regular basis because the idea that you should be ready for someone trying to stab you before brunch is utterly nonsensical in a world where most people expect that the baseline number of murders a cultivator does in their lifetimes is 0. That's the world he lives in.

On this regard CQL!Su She is utterly blameless. Nobody handed him a rulebook or expectations sheet for "the sect down the street will try to kill you" nor SHOULD they expect he'd be ready to die at a drop of a hat when no part of the education or social expectations include "ready to die for your sect because it's routine for people to try to kill you."

If you don't even expect to be stabbed and possibly die at a discussion conference where there are lots of cultivators from many sects why on EARTH would you expect to be facing down death in your own home when there's. cultivators here to kill you, this situation is so out of left field?

#modao zushi #mdzs #meta #my meta #su she #this is not a society *without* violence to be clear #but it's not the sort of place where it'll have been acceptable to murder and maim before breakfast #and that's why traumas happen as they do #I've been sitting on this for ages #please don't discourse in my notes about if 'murder' is a good thing or a bad thing #this is just an observation on like #'is it societally common for cultivators to run around killing people?' #the answer to this question is no