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dragon-kazansky · 3 years

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Dangerous | Helmut Zemo

AU! Race car driver Zemo 😎

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

[Masterlist]

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Part 1

All around you were racing drivers and their cars. People were gathering around them, taking pictures, chatting. You were just walking through the lane, looking at the cars more than the drivers.

You didn't know cars all that well, but you certainly enjoyed looking at them. Race cars always looked cool.

It was a friend of yours that brought you here today, but as soon as she spotted the driver she had come to see, she was off. You decided to take a walk.

Up ahead there was quite a crowd. They were gathered around a car that stood out amongst the other. It was a dark purple colour. Very nice, very sleek. You stopped beside the crowd the admire it.

Then the crowd began to get quite noisy.

You turned to see what all the fuss was about. A man was approaching the car. Dark hair, brown eyes, his racing suit matching the car in front of you. Clearly the driver.

He smiled at the crowd.

You didn't know who this was. You didn't really know racing, but he was obviously a big deal. Everyone was calling for him.

"Zemo! Zemo!"

Zemo? You took your phone out and looked him up. This guy was a big deal. You scrolled a little, seeing posts about him, photos being uploaded from the day.

They call his name again and you look over. He's having his photo taken with people.

You hear your name from behind you. Turning sharply, you look around to see your friend waving at you. You glance once more at Zemo before joining your friend. She doesn't seem to take much notice of the loud crowd behind you.

"I wondered where you went."

"I was looking around. Have fun?" You ask, knowing she had definitely spoken to her favourite racer.

"Tony Stark is amazing! He's won before. Twice."

"What about him?" You turn to look back at Zemo. He was getting into his car now.

"That's Helmut Zemo, this is his first big race. Apparently he was really promising in the lower ranking races, but I haven't seen him against any of these guys." She looks around at the other racers. They were getting into their cars.

"I guess we better go before the race starts."

She guides you back the way you came and you follow the crowds to the stands. You both get a really good spot. You would have a great view of the finish line.

You have to wait a short bit before all the cars take their places. Your eyes focus on the purple vehicle below. You were curious. Ahead of him was Stark's car and another car you didn't know the owner of.

Your friend leaned in.

"Stark starts in the number one position. That's exciting, isn't it?" She says, making a slight fuss.

"Yeah," you reply, but not really paying attention.

The crowds go quiet. You watch eagerly. Then, the coolest sound roars loudly. The engines revving. It's loud and noisy, but suddenly you're filled with so much excitement.

The crowds were cheering again, and before you knew it, the cars were off. You were leaning forward as if that would give you a better view. The cars were out of sight very quickly and your eyed were drawn to the monitors, the cameras picking up the race.

The main focus was on Stark. He was putting so much distance between himself and the others already. The car right behind him belonged to a Stephen Strange, but he was struggling to shake the purple car off his tail.

Zemo. Round the next bend he gained his advantage, overtaking Strange who was worried they would collide if one of them didn't slow down just a tad.

Zemo was left to close the distance between him and Stark on his own now.

Your friend cheered loudly, calling Stark's name as if he would be able to hear her all the way down there.

Zemo was right behind him now.

One more bend until the finish line. Your eyes watched the corner, waiting for those cars to come racing round it. You nibbled at your bottom lip, anxious to see those cars again.

First around the corner is Stark, but Zemo is right there, just a nose behind him. You watch as they race down the last length, both cars over the finish line so very quickly. The other competitors still somewhere in the dust these two left behind.

A whole wave of people move to make their way down to the barricades. You look up at the monitor, waiting for the final result. They were so close at the end.

Stark's name flashes up on the screen.

You know your friend will be over the moon, but as you turn to see where the purple car had pulled up, you couldn't help feeling disappointed.

Zemo climbs out of his car and removes the helmet. He wipes at his brow and turns to look over at Stark, his car now surrounded by people.

He was so close.

You leave the stand and make your way down. You walk straight last the crowds and head over to where Zemo's car sat. No one seemed to be paying much attention as you looked at it.

The drivers were called for their rewards of today's race. You watched as they left, not missing the way Zemo had glanced back at his car, and therefore you, before he left.

You reunited with your friend when the drivers were awarded. The moment it was over, she dragged you away. It was all over now. The drivers would go celebrate, the cars would be taken care of, and that was it.

Still, you found you might have a new interest in racing cars.

As you were leaving with your friend, she suddenly came to a halt and turned around. Stark was leaving the track in his own car, stopping to wave at the crowd of adoring fans. Unable to resist, your friend left your side to go over and see him.

You sighed as you watched her squeal when Tony turned to talk to her. He was flirting with his fans.

A convertible came out next. Your eyes trailed over to see who that was. Your heart skipped a beat at Zemo in the drivers seat. He had pulled up to glare over at Stark.

Your friend rushed to your side.

"Stark is inviting us all to go celebrate with him. We should go."

You glance at the crowd behind her.

"You go, I just want to go home."

She looks a little defeated, and torn, but after you insist she goes to enjoy herself, she leaves your side to spend the night on Stark's company.

You walk away.

Zemo had noticed you. He saw the girl run over to you, say something, and then walk back. You were left on your own. Normally he wouldn't bother paying attention to such things, but he recognized you. You were standing by his car earlier.

And you were walking away from Stark.

Zemo ignores what's happening in his left and drives forward. He cruises up along side you, stopping when you turn to see.

"Need a ride?"

You look startled. You look around you quickly. He couldn't possibly be talking to you.

"Me?"

"There is no one else here," he chuckles.

You look at the car. It looks expensive. You glance back at your friend, who was still fawning over Tony Stark. Looking back at Zemo, you see him smiling softly at you.

"Alright."

You climb in, not entirely sure what you were doing. Yet, you were drawn to this man in front of you. Your sanity had gone out the window ages ago.

Once you were strapped in, he drove off.

"Where to?"

"Oh, uh," you pull out your phone and tell him the name of the hotel you were staying at. Zemo knows exactly where to go.

Silence falls between you as you look out at the scenery. It feels strange sitting next to a man who you only found out about today, and yet were so drawn to. You had never been to a race before today, so why were so drawn to him?

"I saw you earlier, after the race."

You turn to look at him, but his eyes were on the road, as they should be.

"You did?"

"You were looking at my car. You do realise I didn't win today, yes?" He glances at you.

"And that means I can't come look at your car?"

The way he laughs a little makes you feel a little shy. He could probably tell you had never been to a race before.

"Well, no. You can go wherever you like once the race is over. It's just more of a usual habit for for people to go congratulate the winner."

"I guess Stark just didn't interest me at the time."

He glances at you again, trying to figure you out. You were a curious person, to him at least.

"Your first race?" He asks, smiling to himself.

"That obvious, huh."

"A little. Did you enjoy it?"

"Yes." You look at him. "I was on the edge of my seat. I've never really given racing a thought before, but the sounds of the engines, the way you all disappeared around the track, that ending. I never realised how much I would probably enjoy something like that."

He chuckles. "Was it enough to make you want to go again?"

"Yes, I think so."

"The next race in two weeks. Can I interest you?" He looks at you.

"Yes," you say, rather quietly. You only know he heard you by his smile.

"Good."

The smile remains on his face as he drives down the straight road. Wind whips through your hair as you admire his side profile. You watch the way he taps his fingers against the steering wheel, how one hand rests on the gear stick.

He's a professional driver. For whatever reason, to you that was thrilling.

As if he could feel your eyes on him, he turned to you. His lips curled into a grin. You narrowed your gaze at him, but you soon realised what was going through his head.

The car sped up.

The way he handled the vehicle changed instantly. He was showing off now. Showing you what he could do. His eyes returned to the road.

"Tell me to stop and I will."

You didn't.

Faster. He went faster. With one hand you clutched the seat below you, the other placed on the dashboard.

He laughed.

You did too.

He sped up a bit more, going as fast as was willingly wanting to go on a public road. There were very cars about, and he weaved through them like it was nothing.

You laughed louder.

The wind in your hair, the scenery blurring past you, the cars honking their horns at your ridiculousness. Adrenaline flooded through you.

This is how it felt in his world. He was giving you a taste.

The smile on your face, the laughter tumbling from your lips, the pure excitement on your face. It was all satisfying for him. You were a perfect stranger who had just appeared in his life, and as he looked at you beside him, he wondered if it was at all possible to hold onto this.

If you cane to the next race, maybe he would know.

Zemo only slowed down the car when he approached the town. Pure joy was still etched onto your face as he made his way to your hotel.

He pulled up outside.

You turned to him.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

You hesitated to climb out. That was the most thrilling ride of your life and you didn't want it to be over.

The way was looking at you suggested he may feel the same, but he didn't say anything.

"Can I expect you to be there in two weeks time?"

"I expect so."

"I'll have a ticket sent your way. I expect to see you at my car on the day."

"You'll be waiting for me?" You ask, surprised by his foward words.

"Yes."

"You don't even know my name," you chuckle.

"Then tell me."

You smile and give him your name. He smiles in response and tests it out on his tongue. The way he says it with his accent sent shivers down your spine.

At last the spell is broken and you get out of the car. Even after closing the door, you stand there and look at him.

"It was nice meeting you, Zemo."

"The honour is mine."

You step back away from the car and watch as he pulls away, driving off. You wait until he's gone before heading inside the hotel.

You're already in bed when your friend returns to the room. She stumbles in, giggling. Clearly, she had been having a good time.

You go back to sleep. You'll deal with her in the morning.

You had to wake her up for breakfast. She complained the entire time, mostly about her headache, but she got ready and joined you in the food hall.

She spent the entire meal telling you about last night. Stark had taken all those fans out to celebrate at some super popular club he was a regular at. He bought everyone drinks, danced with them, and supposedly flirted with her.

Not once had she asked what you had got up to. It was then you decided you wouldn't tell her. Your meeting with Zemo would be your little secret, at least, you had intended it to be.

A member of staff approached your table, an envelope in hand. She handed it to you, saying a gentleman had left this for you.

It was here your friend perked up.

"What's that?"

"A ticket," you said, pulling it out. A little note was inside too. The handwriting was spectacularly neat. You smiled at the way your name was scribbled on the top.

"For the races? You're going again?"

"Uh, yeah. Yesterday was fun, I thought it would interesting to go again."

Your friend watched as you read the note, smiling as you did so. She wasn't dumb, she knew something had happened. Originally she wasn't going to ask because she assumed you immediately returned to the hotel. On your own. She had no idea.

Darling Y/N,

Here is your ticket for the next race. Inside you will also find a pass. It will allow you more access around the track. I will be waiting for you.

Helmut Zemo

"Who is that from?"

You bite your lip, peering at her through your lashes. A blush dusted your cheeks as you glanced back down at his name on the note.

"A friend."

She didn't look she totally believed you, but she didn't push it. She just smiled at you with a knowing look.

You tuck the note, ticket, and pass back into the envelope and keep it safe.

You would do whatever you needed to be at those races in two weeks time. You wanted to see Zemo again.

@ajeff855 @moonstuffsteve @sky-writes-stuff @lieutenantn @lostghostgirl94 @friday18eo @yaskna @my-blood-is-maple-syrup @gingerwriter97 @lunamooney2406 @wilder-fangirl

#helmut zemo #zemo #helmut zemo x reader #zemo x reader #marvel #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier

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lilmissbeanie · 4 years

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Keiji Akaashi x Famous!F!Reader

Song ~ Ass Back Home - Gym Class Heroes

Genre ~ SFW Fluff

Word Count ~ 1.8k

Posted ~ 11/08/20

Akaashi sighed as he once again read another article about Y/n L/n and Jason Derulo, or some other artist always presuming that they were together. He didn't want to be jealous, but he couldn't help it when he saw his girl with some other guys, wasn't that normal?

He knew it was going to be hard when he asked her to be his girlfriend. He knew she would be away often she would be travelling for tours and of course, meeting up with other artists to collaborate on songs, even though he knew that her new song would be a collaboration with Jason Derulo.

He trusted her, the same way that Bokuto would trust his sets back in high school, the way that Bokuto would always know that Akaashi would always get the ball to him to spike. He knew she would never cheat on him, that wasn't who she was. He knew by the excitement in her voice when he answered the phone, "Kei!" The excitable giggles paired with the massive happy grin he saw on video call on the rare occasions that she could. Usually, it was voice messages or texts with the time difference, but some times she would stay up late so they could video chat, he would let the small smile grace his features when she would rub her eyes cutely and yawn. The way he would tell her to go to bed cause she is tired and she would pout innocently saying that she wasn't worn out. She would ask about his day listening as she slowly doses off, he didn't take it as an insult he just knew she was exhausted. He would sit there smiling at her sleeping face, looking like an innocent child, where she still had her phone in a light grip facing her.

"Good night, my Juliette sleep well. I love you."

"I... l-love you too my Romeo" would often be mumbled back, in her half-dazed state. With Akaashi's love of literature, Y/n just slipped it out once called him her Romeo and ever since it stuck.

Running his finger around the rim of his glass he sighed, it had been a few days since he had heard from her, he knew she was busy he had seen on her Twitter and Instagram that they added more tour dates in America as they stadiums had sold out. It had been eight months since the pair were actually in person together.

"AKAASHI!" He flinched at Bokuto's sudden loudness as said boy appeared next to him. "Why so, mopey? Oh, you're missing Y/n aren't you!"

"Hey my Romeo, I'm sorry I haven't called or texted you in a while, the tour has gotten so hectic recently we are doing two shows a day, so most of my fans can come, and watch and my manager wants to add even more dates." He smiled, enjoying the sound of her voice even if it is over voicemail, and she sounded exhausted. He had woken up for work and seen that he had missed a call from her at three am. "I know you're going to ask when I am going to be home, but I don't know at the moment, but soon I hope I'm going to tell my manager that I need a break. I hope to be home for Christmas."

Rolling his eyes, he shrugged and gave a slight nod to Bokuto's question.

Bokuto suddenly felt terrible for Akaashi. He didn't know how he felt. He didn't have a love like Akaashi. His passion is for Volleyball is his true love right now. He remembered the day he introduced Akaashi and Y/n. She was at an after-party of a game that the Black Jackals won and Bokuto dragged Akaashi along. It was like the couple connected instantly and they soon got together. Bokuto would often turn up at Akaashi's find them sprawled out on the sofa, Y/n with her head in his lap, his fingers running through he hair as he read a book to her. Bokuto had gotten many pictures of them like this. He loved how relaxed Akaashi was around her, a way he hadn't seen with anyone else.

He knew that she was going to say that.

"Anyway I miss you my Romeo, I cannot wait to be home and in your arms again. I want to be in our little bubble of love and cuddles, of you reading to me while you play with my hair. I want to be in the studio with you listening to me sing my new songs and telling me which words would work better with the lyrics I have written." He laughed he did often sit in the studio with her after he finishes work, reading over her new lyrics and crossing out the odd word and putting one that worked better with the theme of the song. He loved watching her pick at the strings of her acoustic guitar playing a few cords and seeing if they worked when she ran her fingers over the keys of the piano. He loved that she could play different instruments.

"I love you so much, Romeo. I hope you sleep well. See you as soon as I can. Bye-bye, my sweet Romeo."

About three weeks later he was sat at his desk eating his lunch, watch the recent interview Y/n had with OK! Magazine.

'So Y/n, when the tour is over what is the first thing you're going to do?' Chloe, the interviewer, asked

'I think it will be sleep we've had some busy months recently, most days doing two shows to it is hard work.' He laughed along with his beloved.

'We've been keeping up to date on your social media, who is this Romeo you keep mentioning, we often see and I quote, I miss you my sweet Romeo, or I love you, Romeo.' He would always reply, but his account was private so no one unless they followed him and accepted it.

'My Romeo is waiting for me at home; I promised him I wouldn't mention him until he is ready for the spotlight as he isn't an actor or musician. But he is my Romeo, and I am very excited to get home and be with him again.' He was so glad that she didn't spill the beans about their relationship. He already had enough of the spotlight with being friends with most of the Black Jackals team, he already has his pictures in magazines when the team goes out, and he gets dragged along with Kuroo by Bukoto and Hinata.

'Can you tell us one thing about him?' Chloe pushed for more details about him. He loved how Y/n's nose would scrunch up, and her left eyebrow would shoot up as he tapped her chin in thought.

'He was a volleyball setter in high school.' She smiled. Akaashi smirked at the fact she gave, there were many setters across the world, and narrowing down to him would be hard. 'And he is my bookworm,'

'A setter and bookworm, those don't often go together!' Chloe laughed, with Y/n soon joining her.

'I know, and I have Shoyo Hinata and Kotaro Bokuto. But honestly, if it wasn't for him I'm sure some of my songs wouldn't make sense, a lot of my lyrics in my book have his scribbles in changing the odd word here and there, I would often wake up finding him hovering over my lyrics book a mug of coffee in hand proofreading them for me.'

He couldn't help the chuckle that slipped past his lips at the dig at Bokuto and Hinata's dislike for books.

'He sound's like a gem! But back to the fact you've met the Black Jackals numbers twenty-one and thirteen. What are they like?"

"I've met them all I know all the Black Jackals, all their school friends too, I met them all after a match against the Cheehle Ekaterinburg, an old friend Morisuke Yaku I knew from my middle school days invited me along, and that was where I met them. Those two boys even though they were bouncing around the court like anything they still had so much energy, I was shocked that anyone could keep up with them, it was like they were children who had just walked out of an all you can eat sweetshop.'

This caused Chloe to giggle. He liked the way Y/n slyly slipped in how they met.

'this Romeo of yours you didn't happen to meet him through your old middle school friend, did you? At this party' Akaashi's eyes widen as the interviewer hit the nail on the head, he was impressed at how Y/n kept her facial expression in check, just the usual smile she used for interviews,

Saturday 5th of December 2015 was the day that Y/n finally returned home. She didn't tell Akaashi she was on her, she knew from Bokuto that they would be at his favourite restaurant that serves his favourite food, Nanohana no Karashiae, in a private room at the back. She drove her car into the car park of the restaurant, taking a deep breath she pulled on her cap and her dark sunglasses as she got out and walked into the restaurant, telling the waiter that she was here for the Bokuto party he nodded and showed her to the door.

'Ah, well it was through mutual friends that we met.' He loved how she deflected the question, not letting them on that it was at the party they met.

He leaned his phone against the pen pot on his desk, leaving the video to play, while he got on with his work, the questions had now turned to make-up and what shampoo she was using.

"Thanks, I'll be fine from here." She knew from the photo that Bokuto had put up on Twitter that Akaashi had his back to the door, purposely done for this exact reason. Pulling off the hat and glasses, she quietly opened the door slipping in and once again quietly shutting it. The room slowly went quiet as eyes suddenly locked on to her figure. Akaashi frowned at his friends, why did everyone stop talking all of a sudden and why Bokuto and Kuroo had whipped out their phones, pointing it at him, till he started to follow their line of sight.

"Happy birthday Romeo." She giggled as he slowly placed her back on the floor, their foreheads resting against one another.

"I'm home, my Romeo." His eyes instantly locked with hers the second he heard her voice, as the smiles so wide crossed their faces as he flew out of his seat wrapping her up in his arms, tightly as if he loosen his grip she would disappear again, he spun her around. He was ecstatic she was home.

Nine months, eleven days, sixteen hours and thirty-eight minutes since the last time he held her in his arms. Since he lasted kissed her. Since he last looked into her beautiful deep e/c eyes.

"You are the best birthday present I could ever ask for." He said as he entwined his fingers into her hair, pulling her into a deep kiss that was long overdue.

©️ All content belongs to lilmissbeanie, do not copy, edit, repost or translate.

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inkshro0m · 4 years

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Logan's Secret Emotion - A Platonic LAMP Oneshot

cba to get rid of the big gaps so.... sorry bout that😅

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Logan found it very hard to express his emotions. He kept them all to himself in his big brain, the one that's stuffed with knowledge and facts. Or that's what Virgil, Roman and Patton thought...

Patton felt as though Logan found him annoying. The nerd seemed to ignore him or he just had an annoyed expression etched out on his face. Patton always tried to make him feel loved and cared for, and only wanted to express his friendship! Maybe he shouldn't be so bubbly and friendly all the time...?

Roman felt as if he was too... him for Logan. Said man usually rolled his eyes whenever the prince-like man would sing his sentences out, enthusically commenting on the weather, or something like that. Honestly, Roman could be who he is. If who he is is a man who is so extra he could become chewing gum (extra?? the chewing gum???...yeh, that metaphor was wEiRd- hi, future kat here.... pls ignore this =_=) and is just... loud, then too bad for Logan, he wasn't changing.

Virgil felt like Logan just hated him. He was probably too edgy and too emo. The smart guy probably thought he was too anxious for his own well-being and needed to stop, and maybe he just found him too annoying because he was in his way. Then again, Virgil thought that everyone feels that way about him.

One Wednesday morning, Logan received a notification, which is quite rare for him. He usually only got notifications from the news or something.

He was currently solving questions in his favourite problem solving book, 'The Ultimate Trivial Pursuit', smothered in his favourite unicorn onesie, with a coffee sitting out in front of him, slowly cooling down. He rested the book on the table and picked up his phone, opening it up to display one of his best friend- Patton -'s name, along with some tumblr notifications which he just swiped away. He read the text with slightly intrigued eyes following the words displayed before him.

Hey Lo! Sorry to bother

you, but I was just wondering

whether you would like to

join me, Ro, and Virge at

Sanders' Cafe at 12pm?

You don't have to of course,

just wondering! xx

Hmm... did he want to go? Who was he kidding, of course he wanted to go! He loved his friends with all his heart! And yes, he had a heart.

Salutations, Patton. You are

not bothering me. I would

appreciate the oppertunity,

thank you.

What Logan didn't know was that that single message caused an excited squeal to errupt from his beloved friend's mouth upon seeing it.

Three beady eyes had been eagerly watching the three dots slowly bouncing up and down, anticipating for a response. They all felt as though they needed to hang out with Logan more, it felt like he was growing apart from them. Leaving the nest.

Logan had started to get ready as soon as he'd replied, leaving his favourite book and coffee to go cold. His friends were more valuable.

Quickly slipping into his black polo and blue jeans and messily tying his tie around his neck, he was stumbling around the room, way more excited to see his friends than an ordinary person would be. He picked up his comb and brushed his bird nest of hair... how it got this tangled, he didn't know the answer to (which is quite rare). Then, he cleaned his teeth for 2 minutes because body maintenance is important.

Meanwhile, the other three were slightly nervous (even though it is just their friend). What if he was bored or didn't actually want to be there. Roman was the least worried; he didn't really care about what Logan was thinking. Patton just wanted Logan to have a fun time, and Virgil was just his anxious self. What if he was just going because he felt he had to?

Logan was already rushing out of the door and almost tripped down the three steps at his porch... oops. That was just enough to remind him that there are probably people watching... so he just carried on being as fast as he could because why should he have to wait any longer? He tugged at the car door, only to remember that he left his car keys on his bedside table when the door refused to open... dammit!

Sprinting back into his two-story house and up the staircase, he snatched up his keys and went back out to lock the front door (which he'd stupidly forgotten to do the first time). He, more orderly than last time, got into the car and started it.

To check that there where no cars coming, he looked out the window to find a little boy sitting on his bike, wide-eyed. Oh... so there was someone watching...

The embarrassed man just gave him a small smile, just to assure the boy that he was fine. Logan was well known for his stoic manner and teacher-like personality in his neighbourhood, so this must have been pretty weird for the boy... oh well. He can't go back now (both of them can't).

The boy's eyes followed Logan as the car rolled down his driveway. This was awkward. Once the man was sure there were no cars coming to stop him from seeing his friends, Logan pulled out onto the road and sped off towards the cafe the 4 friends where supposed to meet at. Wait... what if they were pranking him? What if they weren't going to come at all? No. Patton wouldn't do that. Neither would Virgil. Roman? maybe, but not Patton nor Virgil.

With anxiety in his eyes, Logan stepped out of the vehicle once he'd parked it and walked, normal pace, into the cafe. His glasses-shielded eyes darted around the room, looking for 3 familiar heads... Bingo! Phew, they weren't pranking him. A tiny smile (you could hardly even see it) made it's may onto Logan's face, all anxiety washed away. He was going to see his 3 favourite people! Those people's heads turned his way when he made it to the table they were sitting at.

Patton's eyes widened upon seeing the necktie-wearing man, despite expecting him. "Hey Lo! I'm so happy you came!", he excitedly greeted, genuinely meaning what he said. The bubbly one hasn't seen the other in over 2 weeks, and that's a long time for him!

Still with a smile that was unnoticable, the formal one slipped into the booth beside Virgil and nodded, "Salutations, I appreciate being able to see you too". He looked around, secretly happy to be with these people again.

Virgil was on his phone, but he'd nodded at Logan because he doesn't want to be rude and be hated even more. Also, speaking wasn't his strong point.

Roman waved, "Greetings, pocket watch! How have you been doing? We haven't seen you in so long". There was slight sarcasm in his tone, obviously a little annoyed that Logan didn't spend more time with them but it wasn't really his fault, they'd need to invite him first. 'Pocket watch' ignored the nickname and the tone, he was used to this sort of thing from the flamboyant man. "Adequate, thank you. What about you? Have you all been doing well?", he looked around the table.

The usual answers came: A grunt from the emo, a "Great!" from the bubbly man, and a "Very well" from the actor.

Logan let his lips twitch upwards to show he cares at least a bit.

"Well, shall we order our drinks? Or are we going to just sit here in awkward silence?", Roman suggested, chuckling a bit after the end of that sentence.

Patton stood up, quite quickly may I add, "Oh yeah! I'll pay for it all; my treat!", he giggled. Everyone reluctantly agreed, knowing there was no point arguing as the dad figure would always win.

Three of them stood up, Virgil staying behind because he doesn't like doing things in groups, he'd go after they'd figured out what they wanted. The emo noticed that Logan's phone had fallen out of his pocket as he'd gotten up, so he picked it up and set it on the table for the teacher-like man to pick up once he comes back. The phone's screen lit up upon contact, revealing several notifications from tumblr. Huh... Logan has tumblr? 'Didn't expect that', Virgil thought. Maybe he'll follow him, his posts must be interesting - seeing as he's very intellectual and smart. He checked the username: '@logical-crofters'. 'Man... he's really obsessed with that jam, isn't he?', Virgil snorted. The darkly-dressed man opened up his own phone and quickly followed him, before the others called him over to choose what he wanted.

Slipping his phone into his pocket and leaving Logan's on the seat, he rushed over to the others to pick a hot chocolate. He'll read his posts later.

Once everything was ordered and everyone was sat down, Logan noticed his phone, causing a confused expression to make its way onto his face. Virgil noticed this, "It fell out your pocket", he simply stated. A nod came from Logan, letting him know he understood.

About 5 minutes later, everyones drinks got delivered to their table. Patton sighed, relaxed, as he smelled the lovely scent of his sweet hot chocolate, which had whipped cream and marshmallows mounted on top of it. Mmmmmm...

Roman happily sipped on his iced tea; it was so refreshing!

While Logan drank his black coffee, Virgil quietly tried to start up conversation, which was a rare sight to see. "So... Logan, I didn't know you had tumblr", this caused the addressed man to almost spit his mouthful of coffee all over Patton, but luckily he's not that careless.

He looked over to the man who'd spoken, "You saw that?". The anxiety that had gone away a while ago had come back, making him fear what the other thought.

"Yeah. When I picked up your phone, I saw the notifications. I haven't read any of your posts yet but I've followed you", he stated, letting him know the details.

Logan let out a squeak that sounded like an 'oh'. 'Please don't read them, please don't- What if he reads them? What if he shows the others? What will they think of me?!'

"Hey, is everything okay?" Patton layed his hand on the almost-panicking man's forearm, bringing him out of his over-working mind. Logan's eyes had been dialating, telling the others that something wrong was obviously going on.

Logan's eyes finally went still, focusing onto the man who was currently comforting him. "Yes, yes. I am fine. Just, Virgil-", he looked at the man he'd addressed, "please do not read my posts..."

Virgil wore a look of confusion. 'Why wouldn't he want me to see them?', he queried.

"Why?", Roman, who'd been quiet this whole time, spoke Virgil's thoughts.

What was he supposed to say? Logan didn't want to let them know why, or his secret would be out! "Just...", he sighed, causing the other three to raise their eyebrows, even Patton. The necktie-wearing man was bright pink, wondering whether he should let the others know what he'd been hiding.

Too late. Virgil was already getting his phone out and clicking on '@logical-crofters' on tumblr. The owner of that account hadn't noticed until a small gasp came from beside him, causing everyone else at the table to whip their heads towards the sound. 'Great', Logan gave up. Virgil knew... he'd definietly tell the others.

Virgil's thumb wouldn't stop scrolling. These posts... they were so sweet! Oh my goodness, Logan, you are so adorable!

Some of the posts read:

"My three best friends: Virgil, Roman and Patton, are the best people in the whole galaxy. I'll bet on it. Virgil is so considerate of other people and is an interesting person over all, he is also fascinated by space, as am I. Patton is, though I don't like to admit it, very funny and adorable... in a friend way. He cares about others so much and does his best to make everyone feel alright. Roman is very creative and a great guy to be around. He is so dramatic, but in a fun way. He tries to agrue with me, which is funny because we all know that I'll win, but he tries his best."

"Patton is so loving and it warms my heart :')"

"I had a long talk with Virgil today and I have found out that he is interested in space!"

"Roman was great at performing as 'Evan Hansen' from 'Dear Evan Hansen' today. The musical was so moving."

Patton and Roman had scrambled their way under the table between them and Virgil to look at his phone with wide eyes, excited to know what Logan was holding from them. Their beady eyes watched the emo's thumb slowly scroll through the posts, reading the compliments and sweet messages talking about them so passionately.

Meanwhile, Logan groaned and stuffed his face into his arms, not before taking his glasses off because... we wouldn't want smashed glasses now, would we?

About 3 minutes had gone by and Logan was contemplating whether he should just leave because this was just way too embarrassing. Suddenly, a pair of arms were thrown around him and squeal sounded, way too close to his ear. Ouch. "Oh my gosh, Logan! I didn't know you felt this way about us, I thought you didn't like us or something but this just proves me wrong!", what it sounded like to be Patton practically shouted into the embarrassed one's ear.

"So you did like the performance! I knew it!", Roman exclaimed. Logan could just see the dramatic pose that man was doing.

There was silence from the darkly-dressed man, which caused Logan to slowly lift his head up, put his glasses back on, and look around. His eyes landed on the silent one. Were... were those tears?

"I- no one's ever said anything like that about me. So... nice", he finally spoke, eyes watering from joy and happiness. He looked up at Logan, a smile creeping up onto his lips. "Thank you, Lo"

This definitely wasn't the reaction he was expecting. "Uh- I... I was just speaking my thoughts. You all mean a lot to me... I know it doesn't show but... it's true", Logan was so suprised he could hardly even speaking in an orderly manner!

All three beloved friends shared a look, one that Logan didn't understand. Oh no...

They all looked back at him..."No thank you. Please-" He was cut short because there were 3 pairs of arms squeezing the usually serious one so hard he was sure that his eyes would pop out, and that's pretty hard to do. "Guys, I can't... breathe...", Logan was pleading now.

They all let go after one more squeeze from Patton, allowing Logan to breathe once more. The dad giggled, "You're so amazing, Lo".

To this, Logan adjusted his glasses and regretfully said, "I believe the correct phrase for this is: 'no you'".

Virgil snorted and Roman burst out laughing. Patton just couldn't resist another hug and Logan was fully smiling. This was very unexpected, but he loved it. They all knew how much he loved them. No more awkward conversing. No more secret emotion...

--------

originally written on wattpad

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clairecrive · 5 years

Text

Come back (Part 2)

It has been highly requested and here it is! Buckle up, because this image is very very long.

Tag: @mschellehitt

***

Crap Crap Crap, did I already say crap?

I couldn't imagine a more embarrassing situation.

Maybe he's just arrived and he hasn't heard anything. Yeah, that's possible.

Clinging desperately onto this possibility, I act like nothing compromising has happened and I smile and wave at him like I normally would.

He doesn't react, his face still emotionless while he starts walking towards our table. So I turn back so that I was facing Elijah.

He was the only reason why I wasn't freaking out. With him present, the conversation couldn't turn too personal, right?

But as always, nothing goes like I want and when I turn around, I see that Elijah is about to stand up.

"What are you doing?" I ask worried

"You two need to talk, I'm going to leave you alone." he says and stands up when Klaus is standing beside me

I stand up too, in hope to convince him to stay with a panicked expression but he doesn't budge. Stubborn stubborn man, ugh.

Instead he gives me a big smile and a tight hug to reassure me.

"It's going to be okay, just be honest with him. Don't be afraid." he whispers in my ear before pulling away.

He gives a nod of recognition to Klaus and leaves us alone.

I quickly sit back down, to avoid his eyes. I had already drunk my coffe but I thought that staying in a public place is better for this kind of situation.

He also sits down and doesn't utter a word. I can feel his eyes on me though so, before he could ask anything I break the silence trying to do a little small inoffensive talk.

"It's a beautiful morning, isn't it?"I ask. Lame I know but whatever.

"Indeed it is." he replies

Great intervention, 100 for the effort.

"It's the perfect weather to do an outdoor activity. Do you have anything planned for today?" I dare to ask.

I mean it's still a safe question but only now I realize that his answer could involve his girlfriend.

"It's not exactly an outdoor activity but I was thinking about some truth spilling. What do you think?" he says hinting at my previous conversation with Elijah not so delicately.

"Well, I mean if you have something on your chest then yes, go for it." I cluelessly reply

"I like to believe that I'm always very forward in my relationships. However,there is someone among us that needs to let something off their chest, but it's not me."

Shit, shit shit.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I mutter in a weak and lame attempt to keep up pretenses.

He angrily hits the table startling me and getting the everyone's attention. I should have seen this coming, he has a bit of a temper. Just a little bit.

"Enough with these lies. Since when have you been lying to my face? After everything that we've been through, don't you think I deserve to know the truth?" he asks apparently fed up with my lies

I had hoped to never have this conversation with him because I knew that if had had it, I wouldn't have known what to say.

I know he's hurt by my lies, and that was never my intention. Our relationship has always been based on mutual trust and honesty. So I guess his reaction is not so dramatic after all.

Now I'm faced with a choice, do I tell him the truth consequently putting me on the front line, or do I just dismiss this conversation by leaving?

Would he let me leave though? And more importantly, do I have the strength to get up and leave him here knowing that this is my last chance with him?

The internal battle was pretty clear but as cliché as it sounds, as soon as I looked into his beautiful enticing blue eyes, I knew that I couldn't leave him here or lie to him anymore.

I've already hurt him enough, he deserves an explanation.

I take a deep breath and leaning away from him towards the back of the chair I nod, letting him know that I was going to tell him what he wanted.

After that, a couple of minutes pass in silence, in my vain attempt to find the right words. But I mean, what better words than those who come form the heart?

"Before I say anything, I want you to know that if I didn't tell you anything it's because I thought it was the best thing for you. I haven't exactly been lying to you, but I do have been omitting some things. I don't know how much you've heard before, but I'm going to start from the beginning." I start explaining looking at him

"I think you probably know this, but I don't trust people easily. I'm sure you understand, although it's not for the same reason. When I'm getting to know someone, and we get along well I almost immediately get attached to them. After a while, I saw that this was not good for me seeing as almost everyone I've ever met has screwed me over. So, I guess you could call it a defense mechanism, but now I only let some people in and after a while." I open up to him. My voice was very low but I didn't worry about not being heard for his supernatural hearing and all that.

"I think it's safe to say that you and your family were let in. Pretty much after a day I've met you. And before you ask, no I don't regret it, I do trust you and you all know that. By now, I'm sure you're wondering, so where's the problem?" I rhetorically ask him

His eyes never left mine during this time so I know he was following me. Now shit gets real and I don't have it in me to look at him while I confess this. So I decide to play with the cup of coffee in my hands.

"The thing is, that now we enter in a new field kinda. I'm not ashamed to admit that I've never been in a serious relationship. The only guy I've ever trusted enough to let him completely in (no pun intended) has royally screwed me over and thrown my trust for guys into the bin. Since then, I've never been romantically involved with anyone. And I was fine with it, really. But then you came into my life and everything changed, cliché I know." I pause for a moment because I hear him chuckle and oh boy how I missed that sound.

"Well, almost everything. You see, I'm still scared that things will end on the worst terms and I don't want that. Not with you." At this, I can't help myself but glance at him. His look on me was so intense that I wondered how come I haven't melted yet.

"Yes, I do have feelings for you. Yes, I guess it would make me very happy to be with you. But that's not the point. I realized it too late, I let my fear win and now I've lost you. I didn't want to tell you because it's not fair to you, you've found a beautiful girl that makes you happy. I was too late, end of the story." I finish still not looking at him.

When I do though, his gaze was almost scheming, like he was figuring something out. I look at him in silence, giving him the chance to take all of this in.

After a while, when I was ready to admit defeat and retreat into my house of losers, he smiles leaving me breathless and speechless.

He's always read me like an open book, even better than Elijah, so my bewilderment was pretty evident for him. That's why he let out a little laugh.

He leans towards me and takes my hands off the cup and into his before speaking.

"You know I'd never hurt you, right?" he asks

"That's beside the point, Klaus. I'm not worried that you'd hurt me, not voluntarily at least" I admit

"Then what are you afraid of?"

"What if you get bored of me? What if you get fed up with me and fall in love with someone else? I mean, you do have eternity after all, so why would you settle with boring plain me?" I explain

"Why wouldn't I?" he smartly asks

"The question is, why would you? I'm sure you can find someone better than me. Maybe you've already found her." I hit at his current girlfriend.

"You know, I think that your fear is not the problem here, rather it's your non-existent self-confidence." Ehm, what?

"You once told me that in order to make another love you, you should love yourself first. But you see, that's not quite right. Yes, you should love yourself but if you don't yet that doesn't mean that no one will too." he says not really waiting for a reply

"I love you, I've loved you since the first time I saw you. It took me a little to figure that out, you know me and my paranoia."

"It's okay to be scared, I am too. I've never done this with anyone either. Didn't you think that I could be afraid of losing you too?" he asks now waiting for me to answer

"No, I didn't." I admit

"I really wish you would have told me all of this earlier, it would have saved us some time." he finally says.

"I know, I'm too late." I say trying to pull my hands away from his. But his grip is strong and prevents me from doing so.

"No, you're not. There's no such thing as 'being too late'. Haven't you heard me before when I told you I love you?" he asks

"So what exactly are you saying?"I timidly ask.

"I'm saying that if you come back to me, I'll come back to you." He says with a smile making my heart flutter

I can't believe this, how I was blessed with this amazing guy still goes over my head.

"And what about your girlfriend? I don't want to be 'the other girl'" I state making him laugh

"There's no girlfriend. She's just a really good friend. You're the only one for me since the moment you walked into my life." he sweetly admits

"Oh please, enough with the cheesiness. You're lucky I love you" I lightheartedly admit. It felt so good to finally admit my feelings out loud, it was so freeing. It was amazing. He was amazing.

He doesn't reply right away, probably enjoying the fact that I had finally said that I loved him too.

"I love you too, Y/N." he says and leans towards me. I also lean towards him to meet him halfway and our lips finally meet in a beautiful kiss full of love and longing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi everyone!

I'm so happy that you've loved this idea that I've decided to post part 2 as soon as I could

Just joking, but I would like to take to this opportunity not only to thank every single one of my readers but also to let you know that I deeply enjoy writing request. It really makes me feel appreciated as a writer.

So yeah, if you have a request do let me know and if not well just let me know what you think of this imagine.

Byee

#klaus mikaelson #tvd #the originals #fanfiction #klaus mikealson fanfiction #klaus imagines #niklaus mikaelson #wattpad #klaus one shot #klaus x reader #niklaus x reader #niklaus imagine #niklaus mikealson imagine #klausmikaelson #elijahmikaelson #klaus mikealson imagines #niklaus imagines

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mem-en-to · 4 years

Text

I just have to post this somewhere. If you do read it please don't reply or anything to alert me that you do. I just have to assure myself of my existence. If you do I might just can't stand it.

It's getting worse

I don't know if this will be a one time thing or what

It might be the stress of starting the second week of university

or that I fucked up the dorm's microwave 3 days ago and still feel guilty and stress (since then I've been making so many mistake I drop the alcohol bottle(broke it), drop a glass of water(luckily it's a plastic glass), spilled the milk on the desk, spilled the smoothie next to the fridge, dropped the clean towel on the balcony(result in having to wash it), tripped and drop some clean cottonbuds(such a waste!), tripped on the way to the bathroom at 2 am and woke the neighbors up on a schoolday)

or even home sick from being away for a week now

or because I was staying inside after graduated and then the covid situation that make me(I chose)stay inside the house for more than 3 months straight(well, I did go outside like once every other week or sth, but I would always go with someone, mom or dad)

I've been dreading going outside since yesterday

I estimated how many food I have left and feel bad(no not bad as in guilty) about having to go out and buy more

I even considered skip some meals and ration what I have left so I could put away going out for even just 1 more day

And I did, I skip breakfast and ration the food

I ate a bit less so I could scrap all the left over for just one more meal

The thought of going outside turned my stomach and I feel tight in my chest

it made me feel.. disgust and a bit of fear? มวนท้อง แหยงๆ อึดอัดตรงหน้าอก

I'm not sure how to describe it how or why

I don't think its talking to people that make me feel this way

I think its just go outside in general? being seen maybe?

I normally would dread going outside for a bit but have no problem in doing it

I would just need some times to come to realisation that I have to(or about to)go outside

Like, if mom just ask me inthe morning if I want to go out this afternoon. My answer is NO. There's no bargaining, except if it is ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT.

But If she asked me, do you want to come with me tmr? That'll be fine, I might say yes(but I say no more often)

I would have a kind of panic-y thougt and feeling a bit scared before actually going out, like while I was preparing(dress, grab things stuff like that) that is normal

Today it took me almost half an hour after I'm ready to gather courage and actually step out of my room

In that 30 minutes I kept checking again and again of what I have to buy and did I have my all things?(phone checked. wallet checked. mask checked. etc) What about my clothes?(check the mirror) Did I brushed my hair?(proceed to brush it the 4th time)

All the while I also pacing and kept on checking the window for the restaurant near mydorm

It's to see if there're many customers, if there are I would wait a bit more because I don't want to stand around waiting and making awkward glance, an awkward conversation would be better come to think of it.

There. It's not the talking that I'm scared of.

After I got outside I would feel.. tense? anxious? or maybe paranoid or something of that nature I'm not sure

But the feeling would go away soon, often around the time I reach my destination or when I'm doing my task(like choosing btw different brand of groceries or the like)

It's still good, this time

The feeling went away as I was walking around the shop but come back as soon as I got in line, paid and walking out of the shop, which is fine that's also normal

I also have to stop at the restaurant on the next block, I decided to eat there and have a take away for dinner

I chose to eat there because that would mean less plastic you know? doing what I can to help with global warming

Even though the thought of sitting there was a bit.. sick It was fine while I was eating

Because I was doing my task(things)?

But the moment I turned away with a bag of food and my groceries in hand the feeling started to crawl up my spine and tried to curl up in my stomach again

But It's okay I didn't let it

My dorm was right there I could see it

Only a bit further and I'll be safe inside my dorm

But Nooooo

The feeling cling to me

I push it down and didn't let it settle in

My heart was still thudding in my chest even after I got inside my room

I put my things away. stored the food. changed clothes while checking if I breathed normally or not(I did, breated normally I mean or at least I think I did, despite what most people think some of us do research about thingss like this even if or when we haven't been diagnosed as having something plus I did hyperventilated/had panic attacked before or, I think it was)

But after that my heart still wouldn't return to normal and my head is a bit light and spinny still(At first I thought it was the 3 flight of stairs I have to climb but it should have gone by now, I know, not an athletic person)

That was when I realise that there something different, something wrong this time

The nagging feeling I have had since I walked outside is this

I'm more worried and scared this time

There is something wrong

I don't know what to do so I typed this down

Normally It would help make me feel better

And It did, my heart stop beating fast and weird halfway through this

Like my other notes I didn't care much about the grammar or whatever, after all the purpose is to make myself feel better

All right a bit more on this notes

After I finished this I wnt and google 'scared of going outside'

I don't think it agoraphobia or sad that I have although I do have some of the symptomps. I mean I might have one of it but from what I read I don't exactly match with some of both, I'm not scared of crowd(sad) in fact being in crowds make me feel better, the more people the better cuz that mean the less would be looking at me

And I'm not scared of open space(agora) I'm okay with parking lots and I'm not scared of being left alone(agora)

Being with some one I trust would definitely help(contradict with sad but agree with agora)

I'm not scared of public place(sad), Library is one of my sanctuary once I settled in on the new one that's it, Everyone is minding their own business, I could tuck myself btw some old textbook shelves no one would come search and read in silent, peace. Or I could go to the working space, sit on the sofa or choose one of the table and no one would care even if I have 3 thick books with me and sit there for 3 hours straight. I could even strike up some friendly and relatively non-awkward conversation with the librarian on the counter when I checked out some books, there, social requirement of the day complete. Those days that I could do this is so peaceful, I was happy.

Sadly, I had gone to Uni library only once and checked out a book, I still feel a bit uncomfortable to go there, but the feeling of contenment when I get inside would be worth it. Just. Not today. Or tmr, we got a day off for mother day and I might go home with my siblings and come back to next week on Monday or sth. (We have classes online bc of covid)

And after the mini research I feel a dizzy spell hit me

It left me reeling for a few mins before I returned normal

It could be because i stand up too fast or it could be the information in my head that's there something wrong

I don't want to have it, sad, agora or whatever

My self confident/self esttem is shit enough

I can't satnd it if i know there sth more wrong with me

I can't be more of a burden to my parents

I want to make them proud I have to

I choose this path and I know they don't hate it, they even support me on choosing to study art instead of the cliche doctor or engineer(which I hate but is my dad's life I feel so fucking bad I should have like it, I should be better at it and follow his footsteps, but I already made my choice, sometimes I regret it but even if I could go back I wouldn't change it, I can't At least I probably could be a teacher like him, teach younger people, support them I love him, and I hate him I love that he isn't just a good father, he's a good person, a good friend, a good teacher, a good brother, a good son, he's so great I don't deserved him, not me, not my mom, not my brother, not his parents, not his siblings, not that univerity And I hate him, he's always at work when I was younger, came home at 8or9 almost everyday but I also love him because despite that he still tried to make some time for us I hate him because when he started to have less works and came home earlier it's when me and my brother are growing up wanting to stay out and spend time with our friends(I hate myself) I hate him because he's so great, has been since he's young, he's so intelligent and diligent he studied hard and he got scholarship in uni to US And that was 40 years ago how impressive is that? And after he came back with straight A every uni want him but he choose that Uni because they supported him when he needed it and he chose to stay instead of go to better uni purely bacause he's a good person he feels grateful and want to repay the uni, which has shit government I hate it I hate them, there's a few years he's so stress because he has to go to the court several times on several cases and could go to jail because of those peice of shits I fucking hate them If he choose to change uni our lifes would be different I wouldn't grow up there, I wouldn't have friends that I have, I wouldn't be the person I am today and I can't blame him for choosing this. I hate him because no matter what or how much I tried I couldn't achieve half of what he has done and still doing(I hate myself I'm a disappointment) I could have gotten A or at least B+ if I studied more on math, science and sociology, but I didn't. I could have beautiful skin and thin figure if I take care of myself more, exercise more, but I didn't. I could have spend less money on books and those trinkets and save a lot of money, but I didn't, I could have make more friends and get in with the better connection and reputation clique if I conceal some part of myself and pretend a bit more, but I didn't. I could have better resume if I'm brave enough to participate in those tournament and those candidates for manythings, but I didn't. I could have been a better person, a better friend, a better student, a better daughter, but I wasn't[I couldn't be] I hate myself I don't matter I'm a disappointment)

I fucking hate crying, It never help with anything except wasting evenmore time and make my head hurt make my throat hurt of how I hold my noise in and make my eyes hurt and everything's blurry and wet.

I just broke down and typed those long ass paragraph with tears for an hour straigh. such a waste of time I should have done some exercise instead. And now I feel like shit. I know I could still do it but I also know that I won't. I would save this note, re-read it again and again maybe add sth along the way and when it's getting late I would jusst take a shower and goto bed.

At least I've lost my appetite, no dinner mean less calories I take today, skipped breakfast AND dinner? At least that compensate for today exercise(maybe) But I also know that garigarikun in the freeze will disappear into my stomach before bed. I'm such a little shit. I'm ashame of myself.

you know what I could waste a bit more time. Typing this some how remind me of the time I have an argument with my parents in highschool(or was it middle school? the memory's fuzzy)and I had panic attack or at least hyperveintilated afterward. I can't remember exactly what started the argument but I remembered that that day I was having a bad day(worse than normal) the bullying that day was worse I don't know how I acted I just remembered yelling at my father who's stress from long day at work and the court problem, we were yelling(or at least I am) and I did what I usually do. I ran, to the bedroom. I don't(never)want to have a fight with my family. He didn't follow me this time. My mom did. She came talk to me, half soothing half scolding. Saying I shouldn't have yell, I was hurting him by behave like this and after he's tired from work too. She's basically tried to make amend. But in my head at the time she was calling out on my bullshit. Saying I'm being unreasonable. I know that some of what she said is true and I don't want to fight so I tried talking, I said something like you don't understand me, And I tried using some difficult words and lines that could be seen in dramas and such to make her understand. I poured my heart out I even consider revealing the real extent of the bullying. But you know what she said? She said I read too many fictions and watch too many movies and I'm being too emotional I should stop this nonsense right now. I still could recall the feeling when she finished and it get in my head. It's not the ice bucket being pour over me. It's not the fire of rage running through my viens. It's not an arrow straight through my heart, a stab at the chest, or a feeling crawl up myspine. It's blank. blank. blank. blank, blank,blank,blank,blank,blakn,blank,blank, I feel so, so empty. It's just how I used my words, how I tried to make her understand. And this is what I got? I remembered stop talking and stuffed my face on a pillow. She's speaking a few more things but I didn't listen. I couldn't. I was breathing so hard but I think she think i was crying so she patted my back and left. I was old enough to know that's something's wrong I wasn't breating normally even for someone who's crying but at the time I still didn't know what panic attack/hyperveintilated is. I just know there's sth wrong, but I ignore it, I was hurt. I was in pain my chest is so tight(at the time I thought it's because of the pain I was feeling later I learned that it's the combination of that and the pa/h I was having) My thought kept circling around the words she said, I'm being dramatic and such. At least after that I don't want to argue anymore. I came back to myself and got out of the room, more than half an hour later. (Times didn't only flies when you're having a good time huh?, I remembered thinking that)

I think the being emotional/dramatic bit really got me. I can't help it. it's how I'm expressing myself. So what if it looking I was writing some fiction/ fake the words to make it mmore dramatic? That's how I feel.

A breakdown and an empty moment recalling in a day? that's a new record. Normally It would be one at a time and not this soon after one another. Guess I'm really stressed out. I even consider calling some emergencies depression lines but after reading some review saying it's shit I decided not to. I would be in the way of those who really do need it(I'm such a failure) and I'm not good at talking anyways, just look at how tragic it turned out to be each time I do.

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