#not a swiftie but this song fit too well lol

[cryptidafter]

I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

#playboyy #playboyy the series #bledit #thaidrama #thaidramaedit #thai bl #shell thakrit #promnont #not a swiftie but this song fit too well lol #cryptid's gifs #let's try this again #is this censored enough tumblr!?

[chinomiko]

hi! i know it must be kinga boring for you recive questions about castiel bc ppl are obsessed ober him for years but like the other person who asked you a few days ago, i follow you (and ply mcl) for like 10 years and ever since day one my fav boy has been tiel. till this day at the age of 22 he's my favorite and my comfort boy so i joke that he's not a fictional character anymore for me and that i know him personally at this point lol

with that being said, i bet you can imagine that over the years i've been elaborating his personality beyond what the game gives us but he's your boy, you created him therefore you know him and your word is canon, so i'd like to ask a few stuff!! nothing too big, dont worry but here we go.

tiel is an amazing songwriter and since he's very emotional not very good at express it (he does it a lot better now that he's an adult 🥹) i bet his lyricism is very deep and poetic so i have this headcanon that he at first wouldn't like taylor swift because obviously lol but then he payed attention to her lyrics and ends up basically being a swiftie since he likes her writing a lot. what you think about that?

and what kind of music crowstorm sings? like there are any bands that you listen and think "hey this would be in a crowstorm album!" (i have a playlist with this name btw lol). im probably wrong on this one but since this is my fav band i like to think that catfish and the bottlemen are the irl crowstorm, musically speaking

and the last one: another thing that gives me so much comfort is the lystiel friendship. not having present parents, being so closed off i know that lysander is such an important presence on tiel's life because he was basically the only close person he had (specially after the debrah fiasco); if lys didnt had taken the farm and went to college and bla bla bla do you think he would still be part of the band with castiel? im not sure if im mixing the canon with a fanfic i read a while ago (lol) but the band was more of a fun thing to lys, right? he liked writing most (i always imagined him getting into a literature degree or something like this). i also like to think that he helps tiel with lyrics at times, even if he's out of the band (in my head the canon is that they are best friends and pretty close till this day, i pretend lys never left our lives just like armin)

anyways sorry for this big ask 😭 i dont even know if you will read it all but if you do, thank you! and dont feel like you have to answer, i know its too much its just that mcl is my hyperfixation till this day like for real, i have a fanfic that i write still and i even plan on making it into a book sometime. except from the main characters (who is my oc) all the characters will be based on the game's ones :)

ilysm take care and stay hydrated!!

Hellow !

Aww thank you so much and for all your love for Castiel ^^

What a long ask, I'll try to answer in order.

Castiel being a swiftie. No sorry, I don't think he would be. If candy likes her, I'm pretty sure he would try to listen. Also he is an open minded person for sure, so I'm sure he would be curious to listen and study what all the hype is about, it could also help as some sort of far away inspiration, but I don't see him being a fan.

What kind of songs Crowstorm sings This is hard to answer because my musical knowledge is pretty limited and I'm sure I would miss on lot of potential groups or singers that would fit well. And it would require too much research time to have a real detailed and clear answer, but I still did check a bit and here is a little list of songs/groups that I think would have a fitting vibe for Crowstorm

City of the dead - Hollywood Undead The worst in me - bad omens Paranoid - I prevail Trauma Just pretend - Bad omens Ice Nine Kills - A grave mistake Catfish and the bottlemen sounds nice but I think its a bit too soft for what I imagine for Crowstorm.

What is his voice like I think something similar to this (not necessarily the song itself, just the voice. )

bonus, I think this song is so so fitting for Castiel's breakup song, I love it. Dial Tone - Catch your breath

Castiel and Lys friendship. It was'nt mentionned much in UL/LL because I didnt wish to bring too much drama by mentioning Lys when he was not there for the players, but of course Lys and Cast always kept in touch. It is very clearly mentionned in Lys' AL that they keep in touch, that Lys helps Castiel write songs and Cast also like to come to his farm to have a break and spend time together. You should play it if you havent, you'll have a good chunk of Cast and Lys friendship :) However yeah I can confirm that Lys would not like to do it serisouly and professionally, but he'll be all the way around to support and help Cast.

#chinomiko #my candy love #otome game #castiel #original character #canon lore #mcl

[pop-punklouis]

On the topic of Taylor, do you think she encourages the hate towards her exes? Like ofc she will write about thing like break ups that have happened in her life but I'm also wondering about her responsibility in the hate her fans send to Joe for example. Like today on twitter I saw that one swiftie wish Joe was dead, which is inanse. Some of her fans are getting way too brave in the name of defending her, but I also think her and her team use this defending to their advantage in the marketing of her new album.

Obviously she can't fully control her fans but some of the stuff I've seen her fans say about a situation they know nothing about is making me less excited about Taylor and her new music.

imo, i believe she more than anyone else in the business is well-aware of her fanbase and their social media habits. her and her team constantly keep up with videos and conversations and posts about her. so, yes especially with the releases of her TVs the past couple years, she’s seen firsthand how her fans are when it comes to her exes. so do i think she actively encourages her fans to send hate to her exes? …..no. but, i do think she does absolutely nothing to hinder it either? …… yes.

certain performances. certain bonus songs. certain actions. certain names of tracks. she knows what she’s doing and she knows how her fans will champion around her for it. i’ve already seen some wild ass confirmations from fans over joe and their relationship just from the song titles of the tortured poets album.

and i dunno to me….. her at 34……. it doesn’t hit the same lol it feels strange to still be so deep in this to know you’re sending a tsunami of hate towards an ex. like….. no matter what happened, naming those tracks and the album that knowing your fans will immediately pin it to joe... it feels so weird to be 34 and utilizing your platform and fans for that. i don’t care about knowing every detail of your relationship’s demise. why does it feel like drama you’d see on facebook of the locals and their relationship timeline 💀💀

but i agree re: “Some of her fans are getting way too brave in the name of defending her, but I also think her and her team use this defending to their advantage in the marketing of her new album.” i think that’s a very valid observation to make.

ANYWAYS. no one can make me hate you, joe alwyn. people can say what they want and try and concoct weird narratives to fit their own opinions over why they broke up but! no one can make me hate you, joe alwyn 🫡

[shakirawastaken]

dsmp if....it was taylor swift

i am the biggest swiftie dsmp blog here i am a swiftie i love taylor swift unless she sings new romantics at a show that im not at then i hate taylor swift

dream: paper rings by taylor swift (from Lover)  - i have written a one shot to dream for stay stay stay like a year ago. please read that too amen - i feel like this song lowkey fits him so well??? just like lowkey - cause like man is rich as fuck hes like a CEO and stuff  - BUT let me backtrack - you met him before he face revealed in the middle of the swamp in florida (orlando) - lets use my other post and say you met him in the grocery store SLAY - you “went home and tried to stalk him on the internet” - and obviously couldn’t find anything - but you reached out to him over text and he didnt answer you..bc he was like filming or smth and you were like bruh - but he eventually did answer you and you were like cool - you guys hung out ALOT  - as friends - to the mall as friends, to the cafe as friends, to the movies as friends - you even met his friends...and then you figured out he was Dream  - your relationship was like slaying at this point - you moved in with him! - and at this point now that you know Dream is Dream and is RICH - he showers you in gifts - expensive jewlery, trips to places, the mans love language is gift giving and he def has the $$$ to make that happen! - but one day he was like drunk or smth idk  - and he was like “wanna get married?” - and you were like “LOL sure” - and he, in his lovesick era, talked about the ring he would buy you in great detail - you were flattered ofc and laughed along - the next morning he woke up from his drunk era and was like “did you really mean it” - and you were like “yes!! i like shiny things, but i’d marry you with paper rings whenever you want dream” - and he was like “bet” - and he made paper rings and you drove to the courthouse and GOT MARRIED STOP IT THAT IS ADORABLE AND YOU HAD AN ACTUAL CEREMONY LATER CUTHE MF CAMERAS THAT IS IT THIS IS IT - I WANT TO WRITE THIS INTO A ONESHOT COMMENT “ceo of minecraft” IF YOU WANT IT - runner up song for dream was wonderland btw

george: gorgeous by taylor swift (from reputation) - now LISTEN i was gonna do London Boy - but im saving that for another thing - GORGEOUS FITS and its not just cause george is actually very pretty - this takes place in LA, george is here and you work here  - you also have a boyfriend - lets say you and some of your friends went out to a club one day - so did the dream team tm  - and you just came from a stressful day at work so you did what anyone would do and you drank - enough to get you a bit tipsy - and somehow all the stars and planets and fates aligned and you bumped into mr notfound - and you were like “sorry!!” - and he was like “oh its alright” but he said it british - and you were like “HAHAHAH YOURE BRITISH” and you mocked the way he talked  - you were tipsy alr - and he knows he should have been offended but he couldnt help but smile bc he thought u were cute - you two talk some more and you sober up through the conversation - its cliche but you forget everything else when u talked to him - including your very real boyfriend - and he shoots his shot “do you think i could have your number?” - your eyes shoot open wide and you just groan - “i got a boyfriend, he’s in the club and idk what he’s even doing.” and george is like “oh - but then you just keep going and youre like - “dude if you have a girlfriend im jealous of her” - and he laughed - “but if youre single thats honestly worse” - and he was like “how is that worse” - and you gathered all your confidence and was like “you’re so gorgeous it actually hurts” - and he smiled and said thank you - and you watched as his face moved to sadness - “i dont want to get in the way of your relationship, it was nice meeting you” he says as he walks away - DONT LET HIM WALK AWAY your mind yells at you - but you cant have him, bc youre taken - nothing you hate more than what you cant have - ding - why do all of these suck today guys im so sorry

OH SHIT I FORGOT I WAS GONNA DO STYLE WITH GEORGE UGHHH lmk if you want that

sapnap: you are in love by taylor swift (from 1989)  - you both start as best friends in this scenario - like best friends since high school middle school school  - you talked everyday , hung out everyday - it was natural that you would form a crush on the man - but then he moved to Florida - you totally understood why he did that - but the communication between the two of you died down - and so did your crush, it flickered out - but one day, he texted you - “hey! im coming back to texas for a couple weeks. are you down to hang out?” - and ofc you said yes - you two met up in a little diner, just to cach up  - and it was like you two had never seperated - you were joking around and laughing just like the old times - eventually you two were ordering coffee at midnight as he told you get in the car - he said “i have a surprise for you” - who were you to deny him? - so you got in the car and he sped off to the old dirt road or something where you used to go in high school - shoulders brushing as you two sit in the trunk, he tells you to look up at all the stars - but you looked at him instead, and all your feelings came crashing over you - all you could hear and think about while he drove you home, while you slept was that - “you are in love, true love” - god this SOng THIS SCENARIO - the weekend before he moves back to florida - you had spent the night over, wearing his old shirt as a pajama - burnt toast because he dont know how to work the toaster - you decide to make a move, to let go of your fears on how he’s gonna react - and you kiss him on the cheek - you two spend the whole day being a little more romantic than usual - holding hands, kisses on cheeks, etc - you spend the night over at his house again - then he wakes up in the middle of the night with this look of ?? on his face - you turn to look at him, staring him dead in the eyes - and he stares back, the moon reflecting onto his face - “you’re my bestfriend” he silently whispers, scanning your face for ANY reaction from you - and your heart starts rushing and your head starts beating and all you know is that he is in love with you. and you are in love with him.  - the night continues in a rush of kisses and rushed feelings - he of course had to go back to florida - but now he keeps a picture of the two of you in his wallet - and you see him in everything around you - you two facetime everynight and talk about everything with each other - because you are in love, true love - bonus: when sapnap gets home dream’s like “whats up with you” - and sapnap just shrugs and grins  - “spent some time w my best friend” - “IM NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND?” - dream LMFAOO - can you tell im in love with this SONG quackity (hits different from midnights (the till dawn edition)):  - I KNOW THIS SONG HAS A LOT OF DIFFERENT INTERPRETATIONS OKAY - im very aware of that its all i speculate and talk about - its like that one meme with the guy and the bulletin board and hes like “DO YOU SEE THIS” - but i interpret this song as someone singing to a person (bonus points if theyre a friend) they have a major crush on!!! except their crush is dating someone - and you can tell that the person they are dating aint it for them - its giving you belong with me - in this, you’re quackity’s neighbor - and you two have lived next to each other for a while  - to the point where you two have become kinda good friends! youd eat dinner together, have some movie nights, etc - you could say you know him pretty well - well ig you didnt know him as well as you think - one night you knock on his apartment door, looking for someone to hang out with whatever - ignore that you had a crush on him that you were actively suppressing - and his girlfriend answers the door all nice like “hi! how are you!” - and youre like “im good, are you?? who are you?” - and quack pulls up behind her and is like “OH meet my girlfriend!” - and youre like “oh! nice to meet you!” - then you shuffle back to apartment ASAP - suddenly it hit you that the person you had a crush on was unavaliable - and suddenly you felt the anguish that comes from him being in love with someone else - it made you wanna throw up - you call another friend up and meet up at a bar, ready to drink your sorrows away - and the bar you go to is playing the song you and quackity listened to everytime together - you groan and explain everything to your friend who’s just like “oh my! love is a lie, don’t worry - it happens to everyone” just to get you by - but you knew this wasn’t like any other time - youve been so willing to move on in the past - it hit different this time because it was him - you drink so much you start slurring his name and your thoughts are plagued by him - someone puts you into a car and sends you off to your apartment - you slump onto your bed, and fall into a restless fit - dreams of his hair, and his stare, and his sense of belief. of times you once believed he could love you.  - you dreamed of you melting his world like an argumentative, antithetical dream girl - the next morning, you hear a key turning in his door  - and you cant help hope but hes coming in to check on you - so you rush to open the door - he jumps and looks at you startled - “hey! my girlfriend and i heard you come in from the bar last night! must have been a wild night!” he chuckled, wishing you the best of health as he retreated into his apartment - you stare at the spot he was just standing out, letting out a big sigh as you groan, your hangover catching up with you - “catastrophic blues, moving on was easy for me to do. it hits different, it hits different cause its you”  - be glad i didnt pick “youre losing me” for this cause damn

karl (invisible string from folklore): - okay. i have already written a karl one shot. to holy ground by taylor swift. from red (taylors version) please go read after this. amen - okay - THIS OSNG THIS GOSNGS ITHSIGHSDJKFG - i cant get over the childhood best friends to lovers shit - but i dont think youre childhood besties - you just met when you were younger - its giving karl lives in a place where your family used to take you on vacation every summer - like to ur grandparents place or some white shit like that - every summer, you would go to the park, read and then go get fro yo at the shop near by - every year growing up, youd read stories of epic romances - and you couldnt help youd meet somebody there, sitting in that park - then, they year you were 16. you went into the fro yo shop. same as always - and there stood a 16 year old karl, in a teal shirt, asking you what you wanted to eat - there wasn’t anyone else in the store, so you two talked. and you two clicked instantly.  - you went back everyday for that year - and did the same every summer after that - until one summer, you told him that you were moving to LA. to pursue your career - and he finally gave you his number - when he finally got around to going to LA he called you up - and you two reconnected, just like the old times. ate at your favorite dinner spot and everything. you decide to try something more - so you date long distance - three years later, you two meet up at the old yogurt shop. and then got lunch down by the lakes - now, years later you two live together. in the same small town you vactioned in every year - you two walk the park you read at every day - karl owns the yogurt shop you two met at  - and you cant help but think that even through all the bad things that you had in  your life - the only good thing that was stringing along for most of your life was karl - karl made you less vengeful of the boys youve loved before - karl made you better. and you made him better - the both of you cant help thinking about the wonderous time, and how pretty it is to think about how “all along there was some invisible string” tying the two of you together - i feel like i coulda expanded here but i think its cute idk sorry guys

wilbur (begin again from red (taylor’s version)): - i think i got a different era for each person SCORE! - wilbur is sOOOO evermore and red coded - but not 22 or ikywt coded but all too well and the lucky one coded - you had recently gotten over a breakup and were ready to start dating again - and a friend of yours hooked you up with this guy from her office - who she said “does not do typical officer work” - you ready for anything, so you thanked her and took her offer - and now the date of your date is here, and you couldn’t help but be nervous - you critiqued and critized every small bit of you, just like your ex did - but now youve grown to love what you wear and what you look like - you blasted your favorite song that he seemed to hate as you walked out the door, as ready for this date as you could ever be - you walked to the cafe that you decided to meet up at, expecting wilbur to be late - imagine the soft surprise that took over you when he stood when he saw you, waving to you as he strode over to meet you halfway - “hi” you said breathlessly, surprised at the common decency he showed you - “hey” he said slyly, making small talk with you as he ushered you over to the table he saved - he pulled your seat out and everything, helping you take your coat off. he doesn’t know how nice that is - while you’re talking you tell some stupid joke, trying to ease your nerves - and when he throws his head back laughing like a little kid? youre done for.  - for the past 8 months you could only think about how love breaks and burns and ends - but on a wednesday, in a cafe. you watched it begin again - you cant help but smile back, agreeing to a second date - you meet up for a second date, this time in a record shop.  - you two talk about your shared love for music - and he’s like “ive never met anyone who as many los camp! records as i do” - and you were like “bet!” - turns out, you two have the same amount - you two walk around the city, exchanging stories about your lives when he suddenly teases you for being shyer than on your first date - you jsut blush and nudge him teasingly while rolling your eyes. and he laughs again.  - your ex never did that. he was never carefree, kind, and careless around you - but wilbur was. and your idea of love just grew and grew and grew - he walks you to his car, and the words about your ex are on the tip of your tongue. youre about to tell him about how different he is than your ex and how grateful you are for him - but then he cuts your thoughts off, launching into a story about him and tommy - and you find yourself wanting to talk about that instead - you can finally say what’s past is in the past - because on a wednesday, in a cafe, you watched it begin again.  i love taylor swift. i could do so many more of these. please tell me if you want

#dream x reader #dreamwastaken x reader #sapnap x reader #georgenotfound x reader #karl jacobs x reader #karl x reader #quackity x reader #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur x reader #dream smp x reader #mcyt x reader #taylor swift imagines #shakira shakira writes #dsmp if... series

[yudgefudge]

My Eras Tour Fits, One For Each Era!

also pls bear with me on this, I am boring and dont rly know how to dress, so these may not be that cool

obligatory tagging the people who asked for it + swiftie mutuals: @dybalaispretty, @lonely-salamander, @rainingmbappe, @liverpool-enjoyer, @purefractals, @tam-is-blogging, @charlesluvr !!!!

General Swiftie Fit: I could only put 10 images in this post so I just wanted to describe my general swiftie concert outfit, which would be the iconic 22 outfit, except with full length sweats not tiny shorts because like. I do not have beautiful slender legs like Mrs. Swift.

Now, onto the Eras:

I just wanted to go for a simple country look. In Swiftiedom, green is the official color of debut, so I went for some supercute green cowboy boots and a simple cowboy outfit! Underneath the plaid shirt I'd imagine I'm wearing one of those "Who's Taylor Swift Anyways? Ew." shirts. I know that's from 22 but I don't care lol.

Yeah don't judge me. I would pull up with the notepad as well, I would write the chants on it cuz I don't like shouting. I wouldn't wear the hoodie unless it got super cold, but I still made sure the hoodie was on theme! Also I'm aware that's not the pajama bottoms she wore in the vid, I wanted them to be fearless-colored (golden yellow)!

Since I couldn't wear the iconic Speak Now dress (way too impractical to wear to a concert LOL) so I went for like, a groom's look? I just realized I forgot to put trousers in this. Well they would be a dark purple, much darker than the shirt, almost black. I went for white gloves because it just gives me bridal vibes idk? Like a groomsman. This fit would look perfect beside the Speak Now dress, which is what I was going for.

Yeah I won't waste y'all's time. I would wear that exact fit. It is the best costume I've ever seen. I just wouldn't wear leggings like she does because once again I don't have legs for days.

I wanted something that would BLIND ANYONE WHO LOOKED AT ME!! BECAUSE THAT'S THE VIBES OF 1989!!! Keep dancing and don't let ANYONE tell you you're too much! Be goofy and silly who gives an F!!!

Yeah don't judge me. Reputation is my favorite album. I would 100% go ham and go full bad boy biker with this one! The shirt says "and in the death of her reputation, she felt truly alive" which is the quote I live by. I think I would slay this fit. Too bad I have zero (0) money.

This isn't exactly what I'd wear. 1) the shirt would have even BOLDER colors. As well as the jacket. This is basically a You Need To Calm Down fit... I love that song so much it makes me wanna dance. Also, my jacket would say "The Man" on the back. I would also do that lover makeup thing with the eye heart.

"who brings headphones to a concert" well DUH i'm not wearing them. Sometimes we sacrifice logic for the sake of the serve! Also, my stuffed husky, Dustin, is part of this fit, but I can't get a good enough pic of him. Just know he is part of this, I wanted this to give "I'm still in bed" vibes, cuz that's what folklore is to me as an album? Idk, it just gives me that, "I wrote this while nestled under the covers" feel.

This is just meant to replicate what Taylor already wears on the album cover. Also, I would have a champagne glass.

And last but DEFINITELY not the least, my Midnights fit! I also designed this as a general Eras fit, because tbh the Eras aesthetic is kind of the Midnights one too, if that makes sensee? I wanted this one to give the vibes of that You're Losing Me line, "I'm the best thing at this party, I wouldn't marry me either". Clearly stylish, but meant to be in the back of the party, not the center.

#shitpost #taylor swift #eras tour #debut #speak now #fearless #red #1989 #reputation #fearless tv #fearless taylor's version #red taylor's version #lover #folklore #evermore #midnights #outfits

[peach-and-bugs]

To celebrate Taylor Swift releasing her international tour dates (which I personally am super excited for, and have every intention of going), would like to ask (if you want to of course), who out of all of the Yellow Jackets (modern day and/or 90's, it's up to you) would be Swifties?

Maybe as a bonus, what would there favourite song or album be?

-🐝

oh, this is another fun one! I love assigning random things to the girls, lol.

Honestly, I think all of the girls would enjoy/casually listen to Taylor, but if we're talking about who is a Swiftie:

it's Jackie, Misty, and maybe Shauna. But the ultimate, head Swfity of the group is definitely Laura Lee

But let's do albums and songs! This is solely just based on my taste and how I view things. I'm not really on the level of being a Swifty myself, but I am a causal Tayler enjoyer if that makes sense.

All of these are with the teen/1996 version of the girls in mind, btw. you can think of it as a modern Au if you like

Yellowjackets Favorite Taylor Swift Albums & Songs

Jackie - 1989

✰ 1989 is probably one of, if not my favorite album because I got it for Christmas the year it came out on cd, which I still have actually! I used to blast it on the vintage boombox I had growing up

✰ but back to Jackie! 1989 just has this vibe of "I'm really going out and I'm starting my life! I'm an adult!" and that was kinda the stage Jackie was at when the plane went down. She was planning for college with big dreams and ambitions behind her

✰ I really think every song on this album fits her for different reasons, but I think her favorite song would probably be How You Get The Girl. I like to think she imagines the song with Jeff, but then one day, Shauna slips into her daydream instead of Jeff, and then very gay thoughts ensue

Laura Lee - Debut & Fearless

✰ I feel like Debut for Laura Lee might be a bit of a copout, but come on! I'm not wrong. It's got that kitschy, country vibe that I can imagine Laura Lee just singing her heart out too

✰ Her favorite song is Teardrops On My Guitar because its the best and girly deserves her pining main character moment just like we all do

✰ Fearless always kinda goes hand in hand with Debut to me since it's when she was still kinda in her country era, so I think Laura Lee would also adore this one. It was actually tricky for me to choose what her favorite on this album would be, but I settles on Tell Me Why because I think it's funny for her to love breakup songs, because let's face it, our girl hasn't gone through a breakup, but she can't help resonating and loving them anyway

Lottie - Evermore

✰ Evermore just felt like another given. It's got that vintage yet whimsical vibe that I like to associate with Lottie that's also got this sad warmth to it I guess. It's also probably one of my favorite albums so of course I give it to one of my favorite girls

✰ I think her favorite song is a tie between Ivy and Long Story Short. I'm not really sure why. They just both fit in my head I guess

Misty - Lover & Midnights

✰ Oh, my sweet hopeless romantic. Misty is the embodiment of both of these albums and no one can argue with me (of course you can, I'm joking). But poor thing just wants to be seen and loved, and I think that's what these albums embody when paired together.

✰ Lover perfectly fits how Misty wants to be loved so bad and the sweet, innocent positive face she forces, but really she's hurting inside. I think from this album her favorites would be The Archer because come on, it's her, and Paper Rings because again, it just fits her so well (it's also got quite a few lines that are definitely what she's doing when she's got a crush)! She's definitely one of those girls making little origami things in class, like those puffy paper stars and of course, paper rings

✰ Then you have Midnights, which imma be real, I only picked because of Mastermind, because it's also her song!

Natalie - Reputation

✰ Yeah, this is another given. I mean, what else do I choose for her? modern teen Natalie would love this album but she wouldn't want anyone to know about it. I think she could also be a Swiftey, but she's very secretive about it. Maybe only Laura Lee knows she's a fan and it's their little secret together

✰ Her favorite song was kinda hard to pick for her, but I settled on Delicate because it's actually extremely fitting for her character, which surprised me when I listened to it again. I personally see teen Natalie as being pretty self continue under the surface, so realizing that she likes someone and they like her back would actually be pretty nerve-wracking for her, which feels fitting for "delicate"

Shauna - Folklore

✰ I went back and forth between Evermore and Folklore for Shauna, but ultimately Lottie is Evermore and Shauna is Folklore in my mind. They both have this sad, old aesthetic to me that fits both albums but in a different way, I guess

✰ but for her favorite song, I picked Cardigan because that felt like another given. I mean, we all saw the way she was watching Jackie at that part pre-crash, right? It was full of that longing you feel In Cardigan

Taissa - Red

✰ I feel like Tai would enjoy early Taylor, but she's more into her kinda pop era, which would make Red the perfect album for her. It's got its up songs as well as its down songs and it fits her ever-changing vibe, which I think is good for her

✰ Choosing a favorite song was another tough one to think about, but I ended up picking State of Grace. It's another one that I don't have a lot of reasoning/explanation for, but it just kinda felt right, y'know?

Van - Speak Now

✰ Van has always felt somewhat country to me and I'm not sure why, so I guess that's fitting for Speak Now. Speak Now kinda gives a nice transition from country into Taylers more pop-ish era, and that just kinda sounds like Van to me. Like, she grew up in the Midwest, but she still somehow has a little Southern charm about her. That could totally just be a me thing though

✰ Her favorite songs have got to be Mean and The Story Of Us. I can imagine Van blasting both of them in the car, singing at the top of her lungs with the windows down, and a huge smile on her face when she's driving around with her friends. We know Van likely doesn't have a car in her teen years, so she's probably driving with Tai and probably Laura Lee. they like singing together to annoy Tai, though she actually enjoys listening to them

#◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ kay's at it again♡ #◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡chit chat with kay♡ #ask box #yellowjackets fanfic #yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets thoughts #yellowjackets headcanons #Taylor swift songs #taylor swift yellowjackets #jackie taylor #jackie taylor headcanons #laura lee #laura lee headcanons #misty quigley #misty quigley headcanons #natalie scatorccio #natalie scatorccio headcanons #lottie matthews #lottie matthews headcanons #shauna shipman #shauna shipman headcanons #taissa turner #taissa turner headcanons #vanessa palmer #vanessa palmer headcanons #van palmer #van palmer headcanons #🐝 anon

[hardcoremikehanlonstan]

I physically can’t stop listening to Taylor swift so here’s what I think the losers favorite Taylor songs/albums are

Richie: his fav album is 100% reputation, his favorite song is definitely delicate or gorgeous and he absolutely melts over picturing Eddie to the songs (totally a big sap)

Beverly: definitely a speak now fan, her favorites are Back to December or Sparks fly, don’t know why she just feels like those songs to me. She is a big Swiftie tho, and blasts her songs in her car 24/7

Ben: he’s a red (Taylor’s version) kind of person, he loves all too well to death, and gets all hyped to we are never getting back together, he loves those classic tay vibes the album gives him

Bill: Evermore all the way, he likes the story telling aspect. He gets a kick out of no body no crime and absolutely eats up champagne problems, he likes the stories she tells through her music so he tends to like her more mature fall albums

Stan: Ngl I feel like he’d love fearless, (Taylor’s version tho ofc). Stan would like the sweetness that is love story or the feelings that are trapped inside that’s the way I loved you, Stan definitely gets in his feelings to Mr. Perfectly fine (def making up some dramatic ass headcanons for that one)

Mike: he’s a lover Stan through and through. He loves love and lover is literally for him lmao. His favorites are paper rings because he thinks the song is cute and romantic, and he loves cruel summer Because of the way it makes him think of the losers

Eddie: hardcore swiftie but definitely a folklore boy. I feel like Betty would remind him of Richie a little and cardigan is definitely his favorite song period. I feel like he constantly tries to get everyone into Taylor bc he loves her music

I realized I didn’t mention midnights but I feel like those songs fit all of them individually lol, so maybe I’ll make a midnights only post

#richie tozier #it chapter 2 #ben hanscom #beverly marsh #it #it 2019 #bill denbrough #it chapter 1 #losers club #mike hanlon #stanley uris #eddie kaspbrak #stan uris #reddie #stanlonbrough #i said what i needed to say

[shaynetopps]

Top 5 Taylor Swift songs + Top 5 songs you associate with someone on smosh? 👀🩵

STELLA!!! i'm giving you a hug through the screen bc these questions are making my swiftie heart so happy!

my top 5 fave taylor songs are

right where you left me - this song is a literal masterpiece. i think it captures that feeling of being stuck/ not being able to get over something SO well!

nothing new - this is such a vulnerable song and i love it so much! the knowing "nothing at 22 line" hits hard

out of the woods - i remember hearing this song back when it first came out and it was a major ear worm. the 1989 era is what really got me into taylor

cruel summer - this is my fave song off lover and and i'm so happy it's gotten a resurgence this last year

anti-hero - the inner-turmoil plus the synth beat had me bopping my head when midnights came out

i'll put the taylor + smosh cast songs under here so it doesn't get too long lol

ask me my top fives!

the top 5 songs i associate with smosh cast members are

the archer (shayne) - i LOVE some angsty shayne shit and this song really touches on my fave characterization of him and how he's got these deep-seated insecurities

the man (courtney) - this song gives me big courtney energy, especially in regards to some negative comments they've gotten from commenters over the years. but love seeing her thrive!

mirrorball (damien) - the "all i do is try, try, try" line has ALWAYS given me damien vibes. i love the characterization of how him trying to entertain people and keep them happy

castles crumbling (ian) - this song gives me ian post-anthony leaving smosh energy where he's getting all the "where's anthony?" comments and facing constant critcism

look what you made me do (arasha) - arasha is a reputation girly in my mind! and this song really fits her villain vibe

#asks #stella #wallpaper-inside-my-heart #i literally love talking about taylor #so this ask had me SQUEALING

[torturedpoetemotions]

I’m an Nandermo shipper and listen to Taylor, too!

As a Swiftie and Nandermo shipper, are there any songs you associate with the two of them? What would your Nandermo(TV) look like?

What a delightful ask! There are absolutely songs I associate with them in Taylor's body of work! Thank you for giving me this opportunity to gush about it!

In the interest of not going WAY overboard (there are SO many songs where I could relate just a line or two, but those lines really HIT), here are 13 songs that scream Nandermo (Taylor's Version) to me, and a little about why for each song/the line(s) that really sealed it for me.

tolerate it - Just sad Memo hours. Pay attention to him, Nandor! Show him some appreciation! I listen to this and just picture Nandor reading while Guillermo tries to talk to him, Nandor rebuffing Guillermo's attempts at hugs, Nandor saying "not you Guilermo" and taking all his hard work as a familiar for granted. The bridge of this one KILLS me when I imagine it coming from Guillermo.

You're Losing Me (From The Vault) - More sad Memo hours. I've been trying to make a whole fanvid to this for months now, but I keep getting stuck on what clips to use for some parts and I can't look at it anymore. The whole song being underlined by/referencing heartbeats definitely contributed a lot to this pick lol.

Would've, Could've, Should've - Yet more sad Memo hours. There's quite a lot of that on my Nandermo TV, unfortunately. :((( The religious imagery, the reference to being 19 (around when Memo and Nandor would've first met), the themes of loss of faith/loss of innocence/corruption. Oof.

Let's Go (Battle) - That's right, some unreleased songs made it on here! But would it even be a Nandermo playlist without a reference to their fights? This one is Memo, not eager to use his slayer powers against Nandor, but more than willing if Nandor pushes him too far/doesn't give him another choice. "We had it all but you couldn't keep a promise" also fits rather well, unfortunately.

Cold As You - Alas, sad Memo hours once more. I promise some of these are from Nandor's perspective. "You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray / and I stood there loving you and wished them all away / And you come away with a great little story / of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you." This one always makes me think of Guillermo begging Nandor not to leave for the Wellness Center or go into Super Slumber. :((

Haunted (Taylor's Version) - You'd think this would be all Memo to Nandor, but no. This is both of them throughout seasons 4 and 5. If I had to parse it out, I'd say verse 1 is Nandor during season 4/5, second verse is Guillermo during season 4 especially, and the bridge is Nandor when he's processing that Guillermo was turned by someone else (that awful moment when he's like "a vampire...who was not...me?").

The Last Time (feat. Gary Lightbody) (Taylor's Version) - Guillermo when he's making one last-ditch effort to communicate with Nandor before he goes off to get Derek to turn him at the end of season 4.

Bad Blood (Taylor's Version) - Nandor's period of vengeful brooding once he realizes that Guillermo was turned by someone other than him. I actually have TWO versions of this song on my Nandermo playlist on Spotify, neither of which is the original artist lol. I love the original, I just wanted a different vibe for that playlist. But on Nandermo TV it's obviously gotta be Taylor's Version!

I'd Lie - Another unreleased song! This is really both of them, because they both deny how much they mean to each other at various points in the story. Not every lyric fits perfectly, but the ones that don't can be handwaved so easily (Nadja is like a sister to Nandor, right? Basically? And Nandor's favorite color may not be green but Guillermo wears it all the damn time, so it could easily be his).

You All Over Me (feat. Marren Morris) (From The Vault) - Both of them about each other. They just can't untangle themselves, can they? Every time Guillermo leaves, he ends up right back by Nandor's side as soon as Nandor calls. And every time Nandor swears he's going to go do something different, he ends up back with Memo. Even though neither of them are getting exactly what they want from the other, even though it's like death by a thousand cuts (heh), they'd rather have less than they want than nothing at all.

So It Goes... - They're so messy and obsessy and what is this if not the messy obsessy love/lust song? "I'm so chill but you make me jealous. But I got your heart skip-skipping when I'm gone." "You did a number on me, but honestly baby who's counting? / I did a number on you, but honestly baby who's counting?" In-fucking-deed!

Afterglow - Nandor trying to reach out to Guillermo and mend the rift between them for ALL OF SEASON 5!!! (I'm still not over it.) "It's so excruciating to see you low / just wanna lift you up and not let you go / this ultraviolet morning light below / tells me this love is worth the fight."

Daylight - This will be theirs when Nandor finally gets his shit together and figures out that missing his humanity and being lonely are part and parcel of the same thing and, frankly, have the same antidote of being honest about his feelings and letting the person who's been there this whole time finally get close. "I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night / now I'm wide awake / and now I see daylight." "I once believed love would be burning red / but it's golden like daylight."

BONUS TRACKS (because you know our girl loves a bonus track!)

Foolish One (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault) - This one ALMOST made the cut, but for the lyric "he just wasn't the one." This playlist was already so Sad Memo Hours heavy, and also I believe Nandor IS the one for Guillermo. They just need to figure it out.

I Knew You Were Trouble (Taylor's Version) - Now it's angry Memo hours! Some thoughts during the Freddie-Marwa debacle, I think. "And the saddest thought / comes creeping in / that you never loved me, or her, or anyone / or anything."

Thank you again for this ask! It was so much fun!

#ask box #barren-heart #nandermo #taylor swift #taylor's version #nandermo (taylor's version) #that sure is a tag

[astrum-aetherium]

OKAY so this is not a nsfw ask sorry but an angst ask :3 so anyways ever heard the song last kiss by taylor swift? if not its a super heart-wrenching song and i cried so hard listening to it once that i just fell on the floor for 5 minutes but anyways 😍 angst henry according to last kiss!! this can go either like the song is henry to his s/o or s/o to henry, but u can do what u want with his concept bc (to me at least) its far too juicy not to do anything LIKE…. “so i’ll watch your life in pictures like i used to watch you sleep, and i feel you forget me like i used to feel you breathe” AND “i hope the sun shines and its a beautiful day, and something reminds you you wish you had stayed” LIKE…. anyways this is ask is so chaotic im sorry i just woke up

aww, come on now!! i'm a diehard swiftie. i've been revisiting speak now exceptionally much over these past few weeks in anticipation of taylor's version, and i'm so, so excited. falling in love with those songs all over again will be so bittersweet as someone who has spent so much time loving taylor, i basically grew up with her art. additionally, as a former emo kid, i just cannot fucking wait for the fall out boy feature — i love them forever and i've seen them live twice. truly shaking inside. and hayley! ahhh!

now, to last kiss. this could go both ways: one could either stay true to the intention of the song, meaning that it'd solely be about a breakup, or apply it to the fact that henry died. one is certainly more painful than the other. i'll quickly outline both.

in a separation setting, i feel like the second quote you mentioned would be the most tremendous. i hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day, and something reminds you you wish you had stayed — because of henry's characterization and essence, we can assume him to be more accustomed to gloomy weather. after all, he is known to carry around an umbrella at all times, therefore sort of anticipating or even invoking rain. you, however, would remind him of the very opposite, with your generally more positive disposition and the way you gilded his life. therefore, overly sunny weather would always remind him of you — you would clandestinely hope so, too — and he would be left wondering about your former beauty as a pair and reminisce on it, even. he would see you reflected in each sunray, be reminded of your touch with each coat of warmth the sun would encapsulate him in. there simply would be no way around you.

as for his death, the former line fits perfectly. so i'll watch your life in pictures like i used to watch you sleep. i shall add another one: hope it's nice where you are. and: so i'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes. this is true, raw bereaved longing — it makes the song's meaning stike about a thousand times harder, especially with the motif of a last kiss, because one more often than not does not know when it happens. you would miss him forever. looking at the scarce selection of pictures of him (or of you together) and pretending the person in them still exists and isn't confined in the dirt somewhere. wearing the remainder of his clothes you still own that somehow still have his scent adhered to them, cherishing them, sleeping in them with the intention to feel his closeness again. hoping he is well wherever he is, and might be watching out for you. reminiscing on that last kiss.

it's so early in the morning right now, lol. don't know how fitting the setting is for thoughts like these. but oh well. hope this did your request justice! i love myself some angst, especially when it comes to henry. it's truly electrifying how good it can get.

#astrum asks #henry winter imagine #henry winter x reader #indulgent thoughts #god i love him #speak now taylor's version here we go #few more days everyone #mine is my fav song

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

Sarah, please set the record straight! What are some examples of things (or songs) that are actually overrated?

I would like to submit for consideration the song Lover. I remember Taylor maybe saying it was the best thing she's written? Also, from what I've heard and read, critics and swifties really love it, swifties enough to watch the video over and over to analyze the house, which I don't see happening with too many other eggy videos like ME! and LWYMMD. It is good though, so it might fit exactly in your definition of accurately rated...

I think Taylor was at a time very very proud of "Lover" (which is obvi a lil 😬 now) because she had long been hoping to write a song that battled Ed Sheeran's ballads for wedding worthy-songs lol.

It's hard because I genuinely think most of the songs that are deep cut fan favourites are rated that highly for a reason - because they are that good.

I am probably going to hell and/or jail but the album deep cut that people fawn over the most that baffles me is "Enchanted". The only other song that maybe comes close is "Clean" which I think gets a lot of love because of Imogen's very special production and because it doesn't have a lot of competition on the album for a big emotional lyrical cutting song (but I still love it).

But otherwise for the most part I genuinely think most fan favourites are fan favourites for a reason and I can hear it - even if it's not a favourite of mine. Like I can hear and understand why we love "Holy Ground", "Getaway Car", "august", "ivy", "Cruel Summer", "champagne problems". And yes god damnit "All Too Well" (all versions).

It's also actually a really fun mental exercise to think about what are the commonly accepted fan favourite deep cuts esp with the contrast with what is known in the GP.

#opinion

[spade-riddles]

Submission:Analysis of the scene in the Anti-Hero video

I am shocked at the loudness of the scene about the gaylor and hetlor sides of the fandom. I think it shows Taylor really understands the dynamics of the fandom to a minute degree, and is trying to communicate with hetlors, gaylors, and jerk through it. Here are my thoughts:

Chad is wearing headphones, suggesting he is the only one who is *really* listening to her music.

The queer-coded son Chad is more likable and sympathetic, but also pretty pissed off and annoying too (guilty lol), using her to make podcasts and books that are ultimately about himself

"Growing Up Swift" sounds like he's about to say "Growing Up Gay," a common trope.

Nice that she calls us the Chad though, like as opposed to the virgin in the Chad/virgin memes. Like she's calling gaylors cooler. The character has a kind of outlaw vibe, cynical, doesn't care what people think, hates everybody especially fake obnoxious swifties/Preston and Kimber making fake sad faces. So true for us

Preston and Kimber yelling at Chad for recording the funeral for his podcast, like how hetlors criticize us for prying into her life for evidence even though they're the ones who are actually harming her

The ritzy son Preston using her name to get into the country club is like the twitter-famous swifties who exclude gaylors and clout-chase in the fandom

Kimber calls Chad "you monster" like how Tay calls herself a monster on a hill, aligning herself and Chad in their queer-coded villain-ness

Chad is wearing sunglasses while the other two are taking selfies, reflecting how gaylors are often more anonymous online than hetlors

Kimber says "great well, good job chad, you finally pushed it too far" and he replies "what are you implying by that." This sounds like it could be dialogue in a movie where a character is glass-closet gay, but also sounds exactly like how the hetlors are always accusing gaylors of ruining Taylors career/life, sometimes in a subtly (or overtly) homophobic way, homophobia that they justify with "you're crazy, you're a bad fan." Also resonates with don't blame me "they say she's gone too far this time" about being too loud 

Chad says he flew all the way here from Ibiza, an island known for clubbing and tourism. Chad seems excluded from the rest of the family like gaylors must find remote corners of the fandom to congregate to avoid attack. Tourists come have a fun wild time in Ibiza/Gaylorland, and it can be pretty fun to stay for a while, but Chad seems to possibly live there full time. Full-time gaylors living on our clubbing/tourism island can attest it can get lonely sometimes

Chad being the one to excitedly exclaim "there's probably a secret encoded message that means something else" is very gaylor side of the fandom; the other two agree that mom does that but they're not as excited about it and they don't immediately think of it and turn to it the way we do. They're more used to ignoring the secret encoded messages haha. They are very gullible when she writes "there's no secret encoded message" and just stop looking, like the hetlors do every time she hetsplains some nonsensical narrative about tom Hiddleston or whoever lmao

I think she is also poking fun at Jerk with the portrayal of this family dynamic. He is, in fact, the gay son in a ritzy country club family. He is desperate not to be seen that way, to fit in instead of sticking out like Chad does. Naming Kimber something so close to Kimby is like a threat to Jerk -- it's like saying, I could out you easily in some piece of art, I could write about your family, I could say your name in a lyric, I am not afraid. Chad says Preston name-drops mom to get into his country club, like how Jerk's PR and clout is majorly helped by his association with KK. 

I think it harkens back to TLGAD too, as Kimber wants the beach house so badly, which we can assume is Rebekah Harkness's Rhode Island house from the song. I always thought TLGAD was partially a threat to Jerk, as his family is an American dynasty and Taylor plans to have a marvelous time ruining it. Kimber wants that house, and Taylor doesn't allow them to continue the dynasty in it. It could even be a metaphor for taking the baby, cutting off his lineage. Who knows if she never showed up indeed.

In the end, it is the homophobic country music fans and those who need to identify with a specific (straight) form of womanhood that will turn on Taylor if she comes out, as seen through Kimber killing her and then showing up in the Fearless dress. Mainstream clout-chasey hetlors (Preston) will side with homophobes and point fingers at gaylors (Chad) like they always do. When Chad calls out what's really going on a terrible fight erupts. I think this shows Taylor sees us duking it out over her on the internet and feels bad about how ugly it can get, watching us all get hurt and feeling powerless to stop it even though it's about her

The fact that she's leaving both the gaylors and the hetlors out of the will makes me think she might not give us the explanation we want, even in the end; we may be just as disappointed as the hetlors. Maybe she's preparing us for the idea that when she leaves Toe, she won't immediately get with KK or publicly come out/explain anything. She may just be a single cat lady for a while, and we may just end up with 13 cents :/ Even though we are the more sympathetic gay son, we still may get nothing in the end... at least she warned us.

#submission

[andypantsx3]

andy are u by any chance a swiftie? ive been listening to evermore lately and a fic w the song ‘dorothea’ keeps coming to mind 😭 like childhood friend reader reconnecting w pro hero shouto and reminiscing about their past together

Hello my love!! I got your other ask bumping this one - I'm sorry answering this has taken so long!! I'm not a Swiftie but my bestie is so I'm very familiar!!

I love the sentiment:

It's never too late To come back to my side

I think that would fit a childhood friends scenario so well!! I love the idea of Reader seeing him as a pro on TV, and remembering the little gangly quiet boy she used to scrub around in the sand with. 🥺 Maybe he wanted to play heroes but she was always such an uncompliant civilian lol, wriggling around in his hold and ignoring directions.

And then boom! A villain attacks the place she works, and who should save her but the handsomest hero in the rankings?? And who turns out to be such a strangely familiar, uncompliant civilian??

I love this idea!!! And I love how it came out of something you clearly love so much. 🥺

#ask andie

[skellish]

🎶✨when you get this, put 5 songs you actually listen to, then publish. Send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers/mutuals (negotiable, dont feel pressured or anything lol)✨🎶

Ooooh I've always wanted to do one of these.

I listen to a lot but my current favorite songs are

1. Witches, by Alice Phoebe lou

2. Night Eyes, by The Orion Experience

3. Revolution Lover, by Left at London

4. Mile Magnificent, by molly ofgeography

5. Would've Could've Should've, by Taylor swift (not usually a swifty but it fits griddlehark too well)

#asks #skelli scribbles #thatboreddrake #music tag

[barbieb0y]

journey: INTERNET OVERDOSE.

yeah yeah shameless song reference in the title but hey it fits my acc's theme

if you can't guess it yet, in this one i'll be talking about my relationship with the internet. of course, i still mostly am on the internet, or at least on my pc and phone, but i'm doing a whole lot better than i did a few years back lol

anyways sit back bc this is gonna be a long one.

i've always had a fascination with modern gadgets, considering i grew up with gaming consoles and a dad who's a computer science graduate.

but i never used these gadgets to actually engage with the wide community on the internet - it was mostly for playing video games, to nobody's surprise. not that i was old enough to really understand anything that's being said on the net; then again, even toddlers are being let on to social media these days.

it truly started when i was around 11. though technically it doesn't classify as a social medium, i remember being on quizup. it was there where i had my first real taste of online social interaction - it's just that it wasn't too memorable so i buried it in the depths of my mind. what came after is much more interesting (despite the sudden onslaught of... graphic pictures of the popstar that clogged the taylor swift quiz community section at one point, but i digress).

it was there where i discovered about amino - a friend of mine there shared a screenshot of what seemed to be a community dedicated to blogging exclusively about taylor swift (i was a swiftie okay you don't have to rub it in) and curious, i asked them what it was. they told me it's an app called amino and you can join any community within the app. for whatever reason, that dragged me in.

i installed amino. i joined my first ever community - the swifties community (or as we call it, swifties amino). while amino is notorious for its roleplaying community, i participated in none of that (i would argue that there is nothing roleplay about in a community about the worldwide popstar taylor swift but terminally online people are well... creative enough to come up with anything). if anything, i think i barely chatted with any of the people in that community. i mostly did my own thing, which is lurking. the only thing i remember posting was fan-made gifs of the song "out of the woods".

no, what really started my chronically online phase was none other than the sims amino. and here's the funny part - i wasn't even a massive sims fan at the time. my only exposure to it is playing the sims freeplay and the sims 2 on my old psp. but since the app was still new (or at least, the main app - there were always the standalone aminos that were their own apps, including a sims amino app i believe), it was one of the only aminos available at the time that didn't really intimidate me. so i joined, for whatever reason.

it was a small community. almost everyone was new. i remember using basic gif filters to edit pics of sims was mind-blowing back then. most people actually play the sims 4, which was new (and paid; expensive at that) at the time, and it made me jealous - i only had a mobile game and an old game to speak for. and that year, i actually begged my mom to buy me a copy of the game. once i got good grades for an exam that year, i got my copy i ordered online which was, funnily enough, the first instance of online shopping i did that i can recount. (fun fact: i also got the get together expansion pack but i don't remember if that was the same year or not)

i wanted to be like everyone else, posting their sims with a pretty gradient background. i read blogs on how to edit. i wrote my own nonsensical, corny stories that i keep cancelling because i couldn't commit. there was a point where i'd post everyday. a point where i put my deepest, darkest thoughts into an amino post because i thought it'd be entertaining. honestly, it would've been simple if it was just that.

but there was a desire for approval.

if you didn't know, aminos have this section called the "feature page" and upon entering an amino, you're instantly greeted with this section. mods can pick certain posts they think are feature-worthy and put them there. we called it "featuring" posts. it's supposed to bring attention to these posts that deserve more attention. i can't remember the first time i got featured but by god was it exhilarating.

logging in and seeing my post, sometimes at the top if it was still newly featured, was like being fed food after not having eaten for a week. i didn't know i was so starving for attention until that moment. or maybe i never craved it - that amino only sparked that need, that thirst.

i remember i would feel particularly down if a post of mine (that i think deserves to be featured) was ignored and only got 20 likes instead of 300. it's funny to think about that now because nowadays, from what i've check briefly on the web, even featured posts get only 12 likes at best. it's eerie to see an amino in such a state. it's like a graveyard.

it kind of give me the image of what it would be like if we actually destroyed the internet.

this is also where i found my first ever friend group. i remember all their (user)names still. back then, i had a tendency to "fictionalize" the people i knew, including myself. i remember making sims that "represented" us. they were even color-coded, with mine being red because that was my favorite color at the time. i've also fictionalized friends outside that group. wrote a fictional story including us living fictional lives, loving fictional men i created, even straight-up putting these characters in situations that should've made my friends uncomfortable. but they never said anything about it. i was lucky. but also not.

one of the members of this friend group actually inspired me to start writing because they were a writer themselves. and after time, they decided to make an amino of their own, exclusively for writing. all four of us joined and some others - including my very own biological sister. i still think of that place as a safe haven; it's a small place with mostly familiar faces and i can write anything i want with little to no judgement.

eventually we all started leaving amino. or at least, they did. i always had trouble moving on when it came to friends leaving, for whatever reason. but perhaps it's because i always had a small glimmer of hope inside of me that told me "but what if they come back?" and that i have to be there when they come back. but they never did.

i was feeling dejected by then. i tried searching for another amino to belong in. fortunately, around the same time, i've been joining my sister in on her danganronpa marathon so i've taken a liking to the franchise. and so that meant i was more than eligible to join danganronpa amino.

i joined. everything happened in a blur - yet it feels like i could remember it all crystal clear too. i remember posting my first ever fanfic there. i don't remember what my first post was. i remembered what was probably could only be described as falling platonically in love with your best friend. i don't remember if i had breakdowns there or not. i remember fictionalizing people and them enabling it yet again. i don't remember what i said to make people even like me.

i remember being ghosted by the girl i loved.

and i remember it cutting deep.

after all the posts i wrote about her, for her, after messaging her "i love you" everyday even after she left, after everything.

i held on. just in case she came back. but she never did. they never do.

i couldn't read any instances of her name for a while after that. being there made me yearn for all the good times again and finally, after a while of holding on to that little glimmer of hope, somehow, i left.

either i was already a part of it or until after i left danganronpa amino did i join bandori amino. i had little to no negative experiences here - if anything, i was the negative experience. i had a deep hatred for this one character back then and for whatever reason, i often had to make it known to others. but otherwise, all i really did was post edit sets, post blogs explaining why i love the characters i love and sell reroll accounts (and no the price is not real money. it's amino coins). there was a point where i did lose my game account to a scammer posing as an account farmer though.

but things really went down once i joined a3! amino, a bit after i joined bandori amino. i simply wanted to be surrounded by people who enjoys the same game i do but boy oh boy did i get more than i bargained for.

don't get me wrong. a3! amino is still a memorable place for me and i have friends and family i made through it that i am still connected and close with to this day. but to say that it was all positive would be a lie.

underneath the facade of a welcoming community, i could see fights breaking out and users making fun of each other behind each other's backs. i thought i wouldn't ever be a part of all that but well, life is unpredictable, isn't it?

i had these 3 friends. 2 of them were adults, 1 around my age. these adults does not get along with the 1 kid - and honestly, i do not blame them because this kid is insufferable and i was just too naive to really accept it earlier. that i was just friends with her because i pitied her.

one of the adults told me to tell this kid that she has problems, blah blah blah, whatever. i told my friend to get her shit together and solve her own problems and not drag me into it. well, guess what? i got dragged into it. she got mad at me instead, telling me i shouldn't listen to my other friend.

it's to the point where i would feel uncomfortable interacting with any of them. i didn't know what to do. and i don't remember what the resolution was anyway. i only remember how the whole situation made me stressed out like never before. i simply wanted everyone to get along. it seemed so easy before.

another minor dilemma i experienced was when i joined this entertainment team. and though that was where i met my younger sibling and close friend, it was also where my inferiority complex grew. everyone in the team was an artist - except for me. i was the only writer accepted, for whatever reason. though i am honored, at some point, it just made me feel small.

we published a new edition of our magazine, which was in the form of a post. everyone's submissions were amazing - and to close it all off, my fanfic was featured at the very bottom. i had hoped it would make people happy - and now i have no doubt but it must've - but one comment, though innocuous, i took to heart. the user praised all the art featured in the post,

but did not comment on my writing.

i thought that my work is not worth reading. not worth consuming. not worth experiencing, just because you can't just take it in by simply looking. and knowing me, i'm known for how quickly i lose motivation. that one comment was enough to bring me down. i brought it up with my other teammates and they sympathized with me, but eventually i had to leave due to my lack of motivation and, again, inability to commit to anything.

i left both the team and amino altogether. i couldn't take what this app was doing to me anymore. i needed a new start. and somehow, somehow, past me thought twitter was a good idea. most likely because some of my friends were already on twitter by then.

i moved. i made an account. behaved like any other twitter user would - with delusion. eventually, i made two accounts. then 3. then many more. there was my public account, my private, a writing account, a gimmick account, roleplaying accounts (ironic how i got into roleplaying after leaving amino), bot accounts, the works. i was still desperate for attention, for approval, for acceptance still.

again, just like amino, i've had positive experiences with twitter; as amusing as it is, i've met most of my current friends through twitter, through the many, many accounts i made. i fondly remember how a friend of mine messaged a roleplaying account i ran and told me that i'm doing such a great job and how they really appreciate me. i didn't think my actions held so much meaning and significance to someone. and to think there might be more out there who holds the same regards but are not bold enough to tell me.

i've had my dark moments of course. who hasn't impulsively, secretly deactivated when they were feeling like garbage to see if people would notice if they're gone or not? it did work once for me so it's not completely foolproof; but it is also, obviously, unhealthy. it's done nothing but feed into my delusion that nobody cared about me when, really, they do but they need to care about themselves - or even someone else who needs it more - at that time.

i've felt isolated too. it seemed like everyone was good at something, or at least part of a majority, except for me. it was like secondary school all over again. i remember being one of the only men in the self-shipping community and even then, i didn't self-ship romantically and/or sexually so it basically meant nothing. i was nothing.

then came the thing that pushed me to the edge.

it was an innocent tweet. out of curiosity, i was simply asking fellow aroaces at the time if they mind being in a non-platonic relationship. suddenly, a mutual of mine came into my replies with a screenshot taken from my rentry. the screenshot read "i don't think all the bandori girls are lesbians". the caption read "now what is this".

i didn't think much of it at first. it's unrelated to what i was asking and besides, shouldn't have they known that when they checked my rentry before they followed me? it barely took a few minutes for people to come and attack me for it though. first it was just 2 people. then 3. then suddenly hundreds were quote-retweeting me with nasty comments and even some death threats. only 2 of my friends defended me. only a gimmick account i liked was respectful to me.

i laugh at the incident now but at that time, i felt myself break. when i hugged myself, i could hear cracks. i asked myself if i should listen to those death threats after all. maybe they'll be satisfied if such a terrible person like me, who dares misrepresent some anime girls, died at their hands.

i held on, for the sole reason that national exams were nearing and that it's a bad decision to let a bunch of stupid terminally online maggots decide whether i live or die because of fictional girls. but it still affected me greatly. i went private.

one day, i was having it particularly bad. i remember that evening vividly: i forgot i accidentally released one of my cats and i had no idea where she went. she's been out since morning and hasn't come back for a few hours now. i start crying while studying, feeling guilty for not just her but everything. i never seemed to be able to do anything right. i called myself a cursed child, that i'm nothing but a burden and an abomination.

i deactivated, thinking it's just one of those times.

i cried, until the cat showed up at my door eventually. i felt relieved by then, that maybe im not such a failure after all. i debated reactivating now that i felt better but i thought that i could probably focus on studying better if i didn't. so i didn't.

the days i went on without twitter were the most liberating and peaceful days i had. nothing else was on my mind other than studying. i'd study while listening to my favorite albums, with a tinge of curiosity as to what's happening on twitter at the time. but i persisted.

eventually, i came back - but only to announce that i'm quitting twitter and make sure my friends know how to keep in contact with me. it only lasted a few days.

then i deactivated.

permanently.

it felt like a huge burden's been lifted off my shoulders. to this day, i haven't attempted to make a new account at all, even though i had the urges. but i'm proud to say i've been clean of twitter for a year and a few months now.

fast-forward to the present day, i am now on tumblr again and it's a peaceful alternative. plus, i'm not on here all the time like i was with twitter. it's just easier to search for content here, what with the tags and all. and it's the only social media i need.

people can say that i'm missing out for not having instagram or tiktok all they want. i'm comfortable where i am right now.

plus, maybe they haven't overdosed like i have just yet.

crazy to think ive been on the internet for like what 7 years now? but it was my only safe space for a while (and still is to some extent) so i dont blame past me

tomorrow will be the last day i post something for this miniseries. i already have a draft in the works so stay tuned~

#shut up safar

[bellalalawrites]

witnessing death:

it's been a long time coming *cue taylor swift's opening song for the eras tour* (i still can't move on, it's so magical. and yes, i just converted to become a Swiftie since Midnights released lol)

a heck alot of things had happened for the past few months. I have reached that 1 year mark of my first job (which I constantly vowed to myself that I wanna be here only for 6 months top... but look where we are now *sigh*), I have went to job interviews and failed also, I had my fits again and again when I thought I have been better, I started driving, went to staycation with my best friends, consistently committed to therapy (yay me) and recently... the passing of my beloved one.

not sure whether I have grieved well or I haven't grief at all, or just that I have turn into *real adult* that I didn't cry as much as 4 years ago... but this is definitely a weird thing. I thought I would be sad. I was sad. when I first heard nenek pengsan, the anxiety button is triggered. I haven't seen her in a long time. How should I live if she passed? I'm not ready to say goodbye. she's the only living grandparent I have atm. I'm not married yet, she shouldn't go so fast. I cried and shivered at all of the possible thoughts.

when the whole chaos happened, from the moment I got a call from my cousin and my aunty crying asking my mom to come back home, all I can think of is dejavu. Like how my late Atuk passed. 6am received a call and I looked at how my mom cried - she never cries.

4 years ago was a very dark year. 2019. we got to know my father has stage 1 kidney cancer (i wasnt even sure whether it's malignant or not) and I took care of him for a whole 1 month of MC at home. that was in January. when he recovered, in April... his father (my late paternal grandfather) went into some heart procedure and passed away. we were informed through text message. I cried my balls out not because I was sad - but because I was thinking of how lonely my father is, both of his parents went away too soon.

then somewhere in june or july, my late grandaunt Umi passed. my mother nursed her for few weeks before at the hospital. 2 days before my birthday in October, my beloved cousin Nurul passed away after battling a long dreading sickness. I was devastated because I couldn't attend her funeral and send her away for the last time. Then in december, my late maternal grandfather passed away suddenly. it all happened in a blink of eye.

so when Nenek was lying on the hospital bed because of multiple organ failure due to severe septic shock, I was stunned. how come someone look so healthy a month ago became like this...state? she only looked healthy because of her energy, but she's also been sick for so long. for someone that had uncontrollable diabetes as nenek had, it is actually quite admirable that she can live long. allahuakbar. mostly I was surprised with myself because I didn't cry when others cried. I saw how my aunties and my mom comforted their dying mother. I saw how Nenek's chest waving and lungs cracking as she struggled to breathe. I saw how one by one people coming to her ears reciting prayers for her to be in peace. I saw how they're preparing themselves for the death. I was an observer, then and now.

I wanted her to wake up and see me, but also I wanted her to rest properly. it's sad really. nobody really saw this coming. it was a week before raya.......... and i really thought we could have raya this year. Nenek took her last breath on 3rd Syawal. I sent her away with much regret but also, relief that she's finally resting.

With all of these happening, im not sure how the adults are doing. Its not like I can ask, ma how you are doing? Damn, to be an Asian (or Malay). I believe that I couldnt be any sadder than the adults are. The adults are having it so much worse yet they could wear a pretend mask so maybe that's why I stopped myself from crying I guess? I just hope the adults can grieve as life goes on. I hate to see trauma dumping by gaslighting/guilt-tripping others just because they couldn't grieve well. But then again, what do I know on how to grief... when I myself couldn't get out of it yet...

anyways

Nenek, I'm sorry and I miss you. Very much.