#now could there be criticism for some writing choices towards some of these medias? yes

[sukibenders]

Me, whenever I see poc, especially dark-skinned, characters in fantasy and/or historical period dramas depicted with dignity and respect and just simply given opportunities to have happy storylines that aren't solely fueled by trauma on the aspects of their race: Someone cooked here.

#bridgerton #pjo #percy jackson #a discovery of witches #adow #wheel of time #the little mermaid (2023) #edwina sharma #kate sharma #annabeth chase #ariel #descendants #uma #audrey #now could there be criticism for some writing choices towards some of these medias? yes #but you also can't deny that they did also provide opportunities for poc characters to be depicted in genres which #a lot of times don't involve them and give poc audience a vibe of “you don't fit this narrative” which is wrong #the marvels (2023) #monica rambeau #kamala khan #queen charlotte #agatha danbury #there are a plethora of other examples that i could list but these are just a few #if anyone wants to pls drop more forms of media that fit into this category so that i can watch it

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know, besides the real issues of new teacher burnout in the first few years of teaching, and the behaviour of BOTH parents and kids towards teachers today and obvs the overload of admin and poor pay…. i think the reason so many early career teachers are leaving the profession is because it’s often made to seem as the ONLY career path for each and every liberal arts/arts major; no matter whether you’re an english student or religion or sociology or philosophy etc etc etc major.

because i know i’ve talked about a fuck tonne in the past, but the one thing i absolutely LOATHED about job fairs at uni and, in the end, just the careers department at uni, was that the only field they could suggest to me as an english lit and philosophy student/graduate, was teaching. apparently with english, with good language and critical analysis/thinking skills, i wasn’t appropriate for other fields like marketing (despite my marketing diploma), advertising, media/communications/PR…. even though yes i did begin in that actual degree…. but i found it far too structured (mostly bc i picked my TRIPLE major way too early) to my liking; and that STUDYING media/comms/PR etc etc whatever the fuck the major called, i realised halfway through first year that the study of the field itself wasn’t for me…. but that i could probably work in it still.

but the problem with job fairs, every time i went up to a booth that wasn’t specifically aimed at arts students (bc we all know every workplace has a media and communications dept don’t we????) i was automatically almost sneered at by the carrier booth people and told to “go over to the teaching booth, they’re over there 👉”. “but i want to work in your advertising/marketing dept” “too bad. you should’ve picked media & comms or an ACTUAL commerce/business marketing degree 🙄🙄. now, run along to the Teach For Australia booth, they’ll hire you in no time!” ok. so. maybe i was wasting some of these people’s time, yes: obvs particularly law and engineering. but that doesn’t mean i should’ve been automatically booted away from their career fair stall, and basically automatically directed to the teaching booth; just for the fact that i picked to study english. also most esp the stalls where the company is all like “we hire ALL degree streams 😊!!”; and then they still boot you away bc you didn’t pick the apparently or inherently “correct” arts dept field (eg. media & comms).

because what i imagine is that so many of the early career teachers that are quitting (not counting burn out etc), are quitting because they were part of the sea of arts students who got sick and tired of everyone suggesting teaching as their ONLY viable career path because “you love english!!! teaching is a way to make money!” or whatever the fuck dumb bullshit people say to convince people to do teaching as a career. so what did they do??? they went into teaching. maybe they did like it, in the masters course or whatever. maybe they did genuinely feel like they were helping kids with writing and promoting a love of reading in their classes; and a range of other motivations that i’ve read in recent news articles about this issue.

but over time, and with the myriad of other reasons that are obvs more tangible (burnout, pay, copious amounts of admin, lesson planning even taking up your holiday time, behaviour of both students and parents etc etc)…. i imagine the people who felt like they were forced to pick teaching as a career path because of their chosen arts major field/s, are feeling even worse about their careers as teachers…. and are feeling just as (if not more) burnt out as the people who actually love their choice to go into teaching. (although i do acknowledge that people who love their job as a teacher are also suffering from major burnout and anxiety and stuff around their job as well).

anyway. this post is just me saying that i’m glad that i didn’t pick teaching; despite being told it was apparently my ONLY VIABLE choice of career, due to doing english. bc tbh, it’s because i fucking well KNEW i’d be one of the resentful teachers that every kid would hate; because it was my only forced choice of career that everyone told me was a smart move- when it’s not actually one of those “cushy ass” jobs, that most people always love to paint teaching as. it’s hard. it’s tiring. it’s mentally and emotionally draining/challenging. and now with it being paired with constant uncertainty of contracts not being stable/long term or just being stuck on a casual/part time basis for most of your life as a teacher….. it’s just not worth the stress/anxiety et al, all because “you studied arts, so you HAVE to be a teacher!”

#life #about mr #shut up ilona

[grad701-liv]

week 1.2 sdl

it’s hard for me to write a positionality statement, as I still do not know what topic I want to pick to do this project on. it’s really tough to choose, but I really feel the pressure of needing to advance the project.

... ... ...

and after finally deciding on my topic, I’ve come back to write my statement.

1) how do you identify yourself in relation to this topic/issue?

I am someone who has had contact with kids who behave inappropriately and knows kids (my younger cousins) who behave inappropriately within online gaming communities, so I have first hand experience with my topic.

2) what elements of your familial and/or cultural background do you have in intersection with this topic/issue?

my background in gaming, I suppose? I’ve been active in gaming communities via social media since 2020. I’ve since met and befriended others that I enjoy playing with, seriously or for fun, that have also had bad experiences with kids. majority of my friends are 20+ and have had kids as young as 10 yrs old approach them to become friends.

3) how significant are these elements to how you identify yourself?

I don’t usually tell people I’m a gamer, as like to keep my online identity and real life identity seperate. unless I become close friends with someone, they will never know the person behind the screen. but I do enjoy playing games with friends or by myself. as a result, I’ve further honed some important skills such as strategic planning, critical thinking, problem solving and teamwork.

4) what meanings - cultural and/or personal - does the topic/issue carry to you?

I personally feel very strongly towards this topic as I was once the kid who didn’t understand the weight of their actions, and now am seeing a lot of the same behaviours of kids like a younger me. I fear they will grow up to have issues due to the dangerous things they were exposed to while growing up (eg grooming, bad views on women/men, developing trust/anger issues). this means they could have issues with forming connections/relationships with others, developing social skills, have strong unrealistic ideals about gender norms and many more problems.

5) do you recognise any biases you have toward this topic/issue?

well... I don’t think only guys can be online predators, I know that girls can be as well. and regardless of gender, an unknowing kid is an unknowing kid. so I don’t have a gender bias towards this topic. if I do have a bias, it’s that I assume that all kids are the exact same in regards to their knowledge on online safety. I would have thought differently pre-COVID, as kids would not be online so often and not as exposed to all these situations. but now more than ever, they probably play more games than an average high school student as they have less responsibilities and more time in their days.

6) if yes, do you think you need to maintain or unlearn these biases? why or why not?

for the sake of the project, I don’t think so. as a designer, you should be the expert in your own research topics therefore strive to provide basic information for all, not just their target audience. as long as I don’t miss the mark by giving any smug or obnoxious energy through the design choices I make and information I choose to share, things should be fine.

7) do you recognise any possible harms that can be associated with these biases? why or why not?

there is a chance I could come off as condescending rather than concerned and push kids away. no one likes to feel bad or lesser, it only leaves a sour taste and stained view. I will do my best to find the best tone of voice to address this issue.

#week 1 #semester 1

[uelden]

Vanity Fair interview translated

Just a side note before the actual translation; I don't know why, but instead of reporting the full questions and answers in full as she should, the journalist decided to report only summarized fragments of what Måneskin said and patch these fragments up into messy clusters. She also worded a couple phrases in a very confusing way (and yes, she's fully Italian). In short, she did quite a poor job, so the final shape of the interview is not that good. I didn't expect top-tier journalism from Vanity Fair but ffs. You'll see what I mean.

I translated it as it is, adding just a couple footnotes to give you insight on Italian pop culture references.

Translation under the cut

Måneskin: "Different from whom?"

by Lavinia Farnese, 09 June 2021

"True justice is being judged for what you do and not for what you are." The ones who are convinced of this are Damiano, Victoria, Ethan and Thomas who, by being the emblem of a generation that is finally free, refuse labels and conformism. In life, in love and on the stage. Where, maybe precisely because of this, they're winning everything

With the still unexpected (first place at Sanremo Festival) and the incredible (triumph at Eurovision) in their eyes, Måneskin are on the sofa of the house-studio they rented - to resume writing songs and rehearsing them - like you are after a won battle: lying in a calm and unreal silence, alert and a bit irreverent, happy.

In the garden there's the tennis table and the pool, the light of summer when it's starting and calming the country all around, and it filters inside from the large windows, and it goes onto the shining black of Ethan's hair, which blends with Thomas' eye shadow and the butterfly he has tattooed oh his naked forearm, which completes the picture of Victoria's golden crucifix hanging between neck and tank top and ends on the black nail polish of Damiano's stretched hands.

It's a human fresco, a Theatre of wrath [translator's note: "Teatro d'ira"] - to call it with the title of their latest album, a platinum record already - where their flaunted 20 years of age, their irregular femininity and virility are grown into proud and challenging custom, a pop glam rock generational manifesto of hard-earned liberties in a finally-unconditional expression of the self.

To watch them from any angle and from another age is to think that a great love will be born in those who'll understand: this new way of being in the world, the true and sovereign realm they hold where "diversity=exceptionality", the power of the artistic and cultural revolution of which they are healthy carriers in establishing in all lyrics and gestures the right to live according to one's own nature past the "people (who) talk, the people (who) unfortunately talk, and don't know what the fuck they're talking about." [tn: "Zitti e buoni" lyrics]

We go where we're afloat, where the air isn't gone. [tn: journalist's own variation on "Zitti e buoni" lyrics]

Miley Cyrus says hi – The numbers of a phenomenon

"The streams of Zitti e buoni are growing by the second, and they bring us above Muse, at the top of English charts, twelfth in the Spotify Global Chart. Followers almost tripled, in the post-Rotterdam period (from 1,4 to 3,3 millions, ed.) Contagious and universal folly: t-shirts and merchandising sold out in 10 minutes. Like the records, the tickets for a tour that keeps adding dates and expanding over geographic maps. They're contacting us even from some festivals were The Rolling Stones went." Thomas

"After the pretextual controversy over cocaine that France built against us, later disproven by my drug test, some graffiti popped up in Spain depicting me as a “No drugs” poster guy. Some tweets made us laugh: "Congratulations, Italy! I've never been more certain that four people have had sex with each other." Miley Cyrus started following us -You're great. -You guys are greater." Damiano

From the garage to the stars – Story of a flight

"It was only 2016, and we played in restaurants, in the streets, in via del Corso. Damiano without even a microphone, Thomas' guitar with wonky strings, Ethan was drumming on a cajón. During Rome highschools' sit-ins (Kennedy, Virgilio, Mamiani) we had our first confirmations and half-hours of celebrity, playing among those who criticized us and those who went "wow they're really cool." One of the rare times when they would have paid us – 50 euros each – we gave the money to the next band in the lineup so that they would make us play in their spot, later in the day, when there would have been more people. We had already realized how things worked. Visibility mattered more than money. And we still think that." Victoria

The intimacy of rock – Choice of a genre

"Music allows us the miracle of extending to others some very personal and private topics, sometimes even difficult and thorny ones. They are and they remain deeply your own, but at the same time they become a confession that reaches a wider audience, and in this passage that is alike a delivery, they find a place in you as well, a processing of them. You overcome them, you accept them. One second it's something aggressive, the next it's a ballad. Cathartic». Damiano

Against panic – The stage as therapy

"I've suffered a lot from anxiety and panic attacks, it's an issue I've worked on thanks to a psychotherapy course, my friends and my family. Playing helped me in not letting myself be paralyzed by my fears, not making myself limited in my private and professional life. I've learned to accept, to live with this side of myself. I don't hide it. I don't feel ashamed of it." Victoria

Analysis as necessity – Relying on someone saves you

"This belief that only madmen go to the psychologist is a widespread ignorance. No-one's born learned. [tn: common Italian saying] And it's often hard to understand the very reason why we're here, let alone the origin and direction of our desires. It's a long and legitimate journey towards lucidity, a kind of backing to become transparent." Damiano

Being out of our minds – But different from them [tn: "Zitti e buoni" lyrics]

"When you feel a strong passion towards something that is not a canonical job but an artistic language, that already puts you on a level of anomaly, which is not superior or inferior to other people, but it puts you in the position of the one who breaks the mold and also works at a loss, the one who sustains great risks while trying to do something that who knows if it will take you anywhere. "Why do it if it doesn't pay?". You want to give this dream of yours an aesthetic, but it becomes "You're dressing so weird! You must be gay!" - now that I'm 22 I laugh about it, but when I was 17 it had an effect on me, too." Damiano

The beauty of uniqueness – Of believing in it and defending it

"And I mean, at the end of the day if we're all different it's not because we want be alternative but because, really, no-one is the same. Justice is being judged on what you do and not what you are. Justice is equality, respect, beauty." Ethan

Fluid sexuality – Pride is freedom

"Heels for men that like themselves in them, kisses among ourselves, we have an open, extended mind, and we're proud of it. The horizons become vast, past the oppression of conservative families. With the information on the web knowledge becomes greater and with it the possibility that minorities will be less and less minorities, because the majority will be less of a majority. This way we'll make insults and bullying grow quieter. If social media get to a village of 50 souls and reveal to a girl who's afraid of the dark that someone has felt her same fear, then there's no reason to give a name to that fear, to mark it with labels which also limit and restrict. Definitions always had this effect on me. You shouldn't even consider the gender when judging someone, let alone their orientation." Victoria

Sexism – A culture to be dismantled

"Emma [tn: Emma Marrone, Italian singer] drops the bomb: “At Eurovision when I was there they massacred me for a pair of shorts, while they said nothing to Damiano – bare-chested and in heels.” The easy judgment against women is more fierce, constant, debasing (if I have a lot of sex I'm cool while Vic is a whore, where I show myself strong I'm a leader while Vic is despotic and a pain in the ass who reached success because she's hot.) As a male I'm privileged, the abuse I get is not comparable to those a woman has to live through, the comments over my aesthetic are centered only on my aesthetic and don't insinuate anything about my professionalism and my competence, while women are victims of this kind of thought in a systematic way. It happened though to find myself standing with a woman who while pulling me to herself to take a selfie, started licking my face out of the blue... I mean, what the hell do you want? Who asked you? Consent exists, and it's due." Damiano

Grow yourself – The only commandment

"To me conformism is the opposite of education [tn: could also mean "politeness"] and is the asphyxia of expression. I fortunately never endured heavy bullying, heavy enough for the the judgement of others to change me. But the mold of the small crumbs of bullying I got and of the kind of aggression that scars is the same. If I'm a kid who dances and likes dolls you have to let me do what I like. I was a kid who wanted to keep his hair long and played with Barbie. As a teen, my friends looked at my hair: " You have to find a girl with short hair to be at your side." My grandparents took away my dolls: "Stop it, they're not for you." Ethan

"When I was six I was already sick of them, the distinctions between masculine and feminine. I've always had strong ideas about how I wanted to be. I refused things that were typically defined as girly, and all around me they mocked me because I went skateboarding, I played soccer, I didn't wear skirts, I was giving myself the chance to be as I wished. I endured it a little, I suffered a little, but I had courage, and now thanks to that courage I know that I could have gotten even much more hurt, otherwise I would have left to others the most important choice: the one about myself." Victoria

Love in progress – Music, girlfriends

"I've been married to music for the last 20 years. I can't wait to celebrate our golden wedding anniversary." Ethan

"Everyone makes their own experiences, sometimes it goes well, sometimes it goes wrong, but it's always not anybody's business." Thomas

"When I first felt feelings and attraction towards a girl it was a bit disorienting because I had never had the courage of going beyond the limitations I had put for myself. For society being heterosexual is the norm and so you often define yourself in that way automatically, depriving yourself of the freedom to live many shades and faces of love. Once I overcame the initial insecurity of having to call into question my certainties I've lived my sexuality in a very natural and free way, as it should be for everyone." Victoria

"I had paparazzi at my door every day and night. So, after four years of relationship, I revealed her name. I still have paparazzi at my door every day and nigh, but at least I don't have to hide anything anymore." Damiano

The worth of the group – Phenomenology of protection

"The true engagement though, the true family is among ourselves, our band. We've believed in it since day zero, even before we called ourselves Måneskin (Moonlight in Danish), even before Ethan drew a giant moon on the flier for the first concert we ever did. We share everything, even the pain for the tragedy of Seid Visin, who committed suicide at 20 because of racism. [tn: I think the journalist asked them their opinion about Seid Visin's death, which was a current events topic in Italy, and then pasted it syntaxically in the middle of Thomas' answer, which was not a great move] A group is what we all should be: stay united and not back down an inch in the face of oppression that is generated by a distorted view of diversity." Thomas

I'm not of the right age – Like Gigliola [tn: Gigliola Cinquetti won Eurovision with her song "Non ho l'età", which means "I'm not of the right age"]

"Before you the only one who won both Sanremo and Eurovision on the same year was Cinquetti (1964). If there's anything I feel I'm not of the right age for? No, honestly no. Maybe having children. Regarding children I'll be honest: I'm not of the right age." Damiano

Having touched the sky – The fears that remain

"We're more than inside the dream, we're in the conquered dream. When you fly high there's the risk of plummeting and hurting yourself, but we'll work hard not to end up like Icarus, who burns his wings with the sun. Everything is in our hands. And this - a bit pretentiously - reassures us rather than scaring us." Damiano

#maneskin #måneskin #vanity fair #italian #translation

[rantrambles]

Ever get so upset you make a Tumblr account to vent?

I haven’t even listened to The Penumbra Podcast yet but it’s on my list because it’s insanely popular and the cosplays I’ve seen are hot as hell (A+ to all the cosplayers I’ve seen you’ve done great work). Now, with the recent news surrounding the podcast, I’ll wait till it’s done if I ever do get into it. I’m Asian and part of the LGBT community but I’m not nonbinary so I can’t say much about the trans represention in the art but I wanted to add my two cents on the matter as a person of color and someone examining the situation from the outside. Also, before I get deeply into it, I’m not the only person of color with opinions on this matter so if people have their own frustrations and criticism with the racism in The Penumbra Podcast and/or the new artist they hired, definitely listen to them too. These are my own personal opinions, and I’m sure other people will disagree and that’s fine. We’re all going to have different views on this so bear that in mind. Also, feel free to correct me or add anything if I’ve missed some information. Here’s a great breakdown of the whole situation for those that don’t know what happened. Finally, I was very hesitant to post this, but I felt it was important because I make a statement at the end on how race should be presented in a podcast format so if you are interested in making a podcast and want to have a diverse range of characters, please skip to the end to read those thoughts.

I’ll start off by saying, I’m not even that upset with the new artist that The Penumbra Podcast hired. I know that statement alone is controversial but I don't personally know them, and I’m not going to judge who they are as a person by a few pieces of art they’ve made. They are the least of the problems that I have here. Since the announcement and the backlash, I’ve been scrolling through the artist’s Instagram account and I can tell why people find the designs offensive, but I’m also comparing the designs to the artist’s other work, and I honestly believe that’s just their style. They’ve exaggerated the features of just about every character they’ve made, regardless of race or gender. From what I’ve seen the sharp angles and overly round curves in the anatomy that make some of the character’s features more jarring are how they prefer to draw. I’m sure they’re capable of drawing more realistic proportions but for the most part they’re art aims to call attention, be bold, and create distinguished features. Not inherently a bad thing on its own.

And yeah I’d understand the issue if this were a scenario where the artist heard how these characters acted in the podcast and thought “hey, obviously this character is a black woman because they are super strong and therefore must have big muscles, no other woman could look like that” or “hey, this character has to be Asian because they act super seductive sometimes better draw them as such.” But from my understanding the race was already decided by previous official artists and a general description of the characters were already generated by the audience, similar to how The Magnus Archives leaned towards drawing scrawny Jon with black, greying hair and dark skin. The new artists couldn’t really change those features even if those features aren’t described in canon because a depiction that strayed too far from popular fandom interpretation would make the character’s unrecognizable to the fanbase. 

I think the reason this became such a big issue for most people is because the new Penumbra artist used their exaggerated art style when making these characters and people of color and nonbinary folks already see themselves drawn as these exaggerated caricatures all the time (with those images being used to further discriminate against them). I’m sure the artist didn’t mean for their art to be offensive, but that of course doesn’t change how it was received. 

According to some, the poses and expressions the artists chose did not fully represent the characters entirely and only served to further perpetuate harmful stereotypes, and I’ll have to take their word for it because I still haven’t listened to the podcast so I have no idea how the characters act. But again much of the criticism is based on the one line-up and doing a deeper dive into the artist’s work I managed to find artwork that was much less offensive. Here some art where Vespa is depicted in a non-violent pose and one where Vespa is in a threatening pose but not an overly violent one. Here is Peter drawn in a non-seductive pose. Hopefully, the artist truly does keep the criticisms in mind as they work on the new official art. I’m just not the type of person that wants to get the pitchforks out and cause this particular person to lose a job they seemed really excited about over their old character line-up, especially when that person is also part of a marginalized group.

Again, that’s just my opinion on that particular artist. Those who are offended by their art are still valid in how they feel, and the artist should absolutely take their criticism to heart to better how they represent the characters.

What I’m more upset about is that I think The Penumbra Podcast should never have released official art for their characters in the first place and that’s their mistake that they refuse to own up about. They have made it clear that the story was never meant to portray characters of colors, a fact emphasized by the fact they hired mostly white actors from the start. They only started releasing art of the characters to get a profit. And the thing is they know what they did was wrong. All I had to do was search Penumbra Podcast racism and there is a note on their website saying that they archived some old official art.

“We have discontinued all Penumbra merchandise that uses the original character designs, and in the meantime, any profits on the sales of that merchandise will go to the For The Gworls project. We also realize that the depiction of these characters as POC, while not appropriate for us to use in our marketing and merchandise, has nonetheless become personally meaningful to many POC listeners. For that reason, and because we do not wish to distance ourselves from our mistake, we are keeping these images on our website for archival purposes. Though we do want to make it clear that many of the main/featured voice actors are white and that we did not write the characters to represent any specific POC experience, you are, as always, free to imagine these characters in any way that you like.”

I went to their shop and they still sell posters and pins with the character’s faces on them, but they are donating it to a good cause so hopefully that stays the same. However, I still find it a little uncomfortable that they are still selling character merch and have plans to continue selling character merch. They have no right to dissuade the fans that already found representation in the characters, but they also have no right to profit off the representation that was built, regardless if they made the story. 

Let’s compare this to another piece of popular media. I love Avatar the Last Airbender and, I liked the ATLA voice actors just fine but there should have been more people of color doing voice acting behind the screen too. The voice actors for that show were mainly white too, however, the creators knew that they would be making poc characters. That’s what makes the difference. Did they still choose to go with mostly white voice actors? Yes. Could they have done better and pay more people of color? Also yes. But I’m not as furious at them because they did their research on the cultures they were basing the ATLA world off of and intentionally gave us a show where Asians could see characters that looked like them represented on the screen. The Penumbra Podcast did not do any of that. Again, they openly admitted that it was never their intention to make the character’s people of color when they made the podcast so that goes to show no research was made to properly represent specific cultures. The color of the character’s skin in their official designs therefore became more of aesthetic choice rather than representation, and it wasn’t even their aesthetic choice to begin with!

Race isn’t a color you can just throw onto the character because you feel like it. So I want this to be a lesson to anyone that wants to make a podcast: if you want to include poc characters please do some research into the cultures you plan to represent the way you would with any other form of media. Just because the audience can’t see the characters and just because it’s harder to smoothly introduce the character’s appearance doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be lazy on how you present the characters. Do research before you start writing the first episode and take the time to hire poc actors. Hiring poc actors is actually the least that can be done to show representation. Also, since the audience cannot visually see the race of the characters on a podcast and it can’t typically be described the way you would in a book, you’ll have to be creative. It’s not my job to say how, but my suggestions would be, before the fans come up with their own image of the character, you need to establish race in the first few episodes or release character profiles on a website so that the fans know you canonically intended the characters to be of a certain race even if you aren’t able to mention it in the actual podcast. If you are unwilling to do any of these then the best route is to avoid stating race at all and allow the audience to build their own representation into your form of media. However, once this happens, you are not allowed to profit off popular fan interpretations. You lose all rights to create official art or images of the characters. You cannot use “we have a diverse cast of characters” when you market your story. It doesn’t matter whether you created the content or not, you did not create the representation for those minority groups.

It’s one thing for fans to build their own inclusivity into a form of art like a podcast, but it’s another thing for the creators who never worked to make the representation happen to take advantage of the representation that the listeners built for themselves. Thank you for attending my TedTalk.

#the penumbra podcast #podcast #race #the magnus archives #diversity in podcasts #diversity #tpp #tpp fanart

[marcspectrr]

A word or two on Kiara's mental health...

Before I attempt to summarize the 39 page slideshow living rent free in my brain, a preface! This will include spoilers for s2, as well as a few mentions of suicidal thoughts! Also. I love Kiara Carrera with all of my heart so if you're not a fan of her, you might wanna keep scrolling. If you don't vibe with her that's perfectly fine, but this post is heavy with Kiara appreciation, be warned, my respect for her runs deep. The choice is yours, of course, just understand that I'm writing this bc @yellowlaboratory among others have encouraged me to get it out there because it's all I've been thinking about since I watched s2. This is not to start anything.

(This is also not me hating on Pope because I genuinely like his character, he's just made some very questionable choices throughout the show, some I can forgive and some that still don't sit right with me.)

Deep breath, here we go.

It's no secret Kiara has been poorly handled by the writers and therefore the characters at times. We got little development in s1 compared to other main male characters, leaving us to fill in the gaps as far as her ambitions, motivations, family, overall interest in the boys, etc. While I do keep this in mind, I could rant about it for days so for this I'm going off of what we have as well as what's been implied.

Kiara didn't have the same upbringing as the boys but it's clear the Carrera's had/have their struggles. She's got her foot in both worlds, not quite 'rich' but not entirely 'poor', inevitably giving her a fragile sense of belonging and identity. 16 is a hard age even without societal pressures and growing up in a classist environment, but here is where we're assuming the boys come in. They give her a place to feel comfortable in her own skin, with shared interests and accepting her for who she is, which we know the kooks don't provide. Just being around them helps ease those deep insecurities, helps her form meaningful bonds. We weren't given an explicit scene where this was shown but over the course of the two seasons it's clear how she feels about them and what they do for her mentally.

Her relationship with the pogues, however, puts a rift between her and her parents. Mike and Anna clearly want what's best for Kie but it's also obvious they've struggled with her even before the pogues. Anna wants Kiara to have the things she never got growing up, breeding a disconnect since Kiara doesn't share in her mother's interests. This leads into my biggest problem with Kiara's arc in s2, which was how Anna and Mike were written. 

Yes, Kiara didn't/doesn't treat them the best but it went both ways -- they all failed at communicating. Instead of finding a common ground and compensating for the things Kiara cares about, Anna shuts her down and ignores her, leaving her to feel like a problem rather than a person, further perpetuating even less healthy communication. Kiara even says in s2 that's why she doesn't like going home, because it always means walking into an argument and not feeling accepted.

I sorta expected a little more understanding from Anna considering her own background with pogues but instead it backfired. And Mike...he didn't contribute much at all. They could've all done better and need some work. Kiara could be more grateful and Anna and Mike are the parents, the adults, they need to make the space feel safe to talk. Kie didn't just wake up one day and decide to act out and keep her parents in the dark all the time, that stems from not feeling listened to when she does try and open up.

Expanding on this with...the whole Blue Ridge plot. Moment of silence for the show neglecting to acknowledge the academy,  even though it clearly had a big impact on Kiara's life. In s1 we got a brief look into how her 'kook year' affected her and it was not good. More isolation, blurred identity, insecurity and this time suicidal thoughts, with no one to turn to for support, assuming she was not on good terms with her parents then either. I'm assuming this because for them to send her to the academy, hoping to give her better opportunities only for it to end with her wanting to cut her wrists, to then thinking the best option is to send her away again? At this point I hope they didn’t know how badly the academy affected her because sending her away a second time with that knowledge is such a hurtful and oblivious move.

Kiara already thinks her parents see her as a burden, hurting her sense of worth as is. I really wanted to like the Carrera's and I still feel like they genuinely love and care for Kie, I just need to see more communication maybe. And if they choose to include the Blue Ridge plot, which I'm leaning towards yes on that one, I hope it's handled somewhat well, preferably not a tool to create drama even though I know a lot of people want to see it be used that way. I'm very particular, I'm sorry I'm this way.

Things I've seen her being criticized for in s2 is her behavior. The thing that people have to remember is that she's 16 and teenagers are just not the best with navigating their emotions. She made questionable choices (the 'murderer' thing and 'abusing' Pope) but these are both things that fit the plot and her character. She was by no means the only one grieving so I don't know why she's being targeted for it (although I'm not surprised, the fandom treats her horribly). Some of her core characteristics are her high moral integrity as well as her headstrong belief in people and causes. She's never been one to make herself palatable for people and s2 shows a lot of this (calling out the Cameron's, going off in front of the court, etc). Even if it caused them problems and even if they are flaws, that doesn't make her an inherently intolerable character, it makes her realistic. She was not in a good place emotionally and it would've been wrong to shy away from depicting it any other way, especially in a show where the teenage experience is decently represented.

Now with the Pope thing. I think it was handled as well as it could've been considering the circumstances. It really should've never happened but to justify it, emotions are messy, relationships even messier and they were both spiraling at the end of s1. I don't agree with the way it started (why give Kie the line of literally telling him she wanted something different only to show them together next episode, I'm forever confused) but I'm not mad about how it ended. They were both in the wrong at times so only bringing up Kie's faults is just unfair.

I believe they both tried their best and even wanted to feel the right things but learned quickly that's not exactly how it works, which was how it was supposed to be shown. Not as this romanticized, idealistic healthy relationship but as one that has its bumps and was bred out of all the wrong things. All of their body language pointed towards this. Pope didn't deserve to be hurt but Kie clearly didn't intend for things to turn out how they did. She wasn't mentally comfortable enough for a relationship and I can appreciate them showing this in the ways the writers framed it. Even the conversation with Kie describing their night on the beach, I think it was perfect. It was awkward but it was honest, which is so important.

Overall, I think Kiara's gone through a lot mentally that the show could be better at exploring. It doesn't have to be big, obvious lingering shots, they can be subtle and still mean so much to people who relate to her. Seeing someone on screen grapple with real life struggles (even if the show walks a painfully fine line as far as realism), it means a lot. Especially when mental health (more prominent than ever) is so rarely portrayed to translate in any significant way in media now. It's definitely something I would love to see get more time and effort so until then, just know I'll be manifesting the screen time Kiara Carrera deserves.

#obx #outer banks #obx s2 #outer banks season 2 #kiara carrera #whoever read this whole thing kudos to you #i also hate the tumblr app for posting it twice before it was finished :) #i have MANY thoughts on kie #as well as the rest of the pogues arcs in s2 #its a curse to have this many opinions agshdjf #obx rants #i guess?

[for-the-ninth]

Cullen’s “Redemption”

I’m very fucking late to the party, but here’s where I stand on the seemingly neverending Cullen debate. 

Is he deserving of redemption? 

No. I don’t think anybody is “deserving” of redemption, because forgiveness is something that you as a perpetrator of harm have to earn. Some people will be willing to let you back into their good graces, and sometimes the harm that you’ve caused is too much and they choose not to forgive you. Both of those responses are entirely valid. No one owes Cullen any sort of redemption or forgiveness for the people he has harmed. 

Is he capable of redemption?

Yes. I believe anyone who is willing to take accountability for their actions, make true amends that center those they’ve harmed, and make a genuine commitment (and stick to it) to do better going forward is capable of redemption. 

Was Cullen redeemed in DA:I?

I don’t think so, no. In my headcanon (and the fic I’m writing), Cullen acknowledges that he’s fucked up in a big way, and he makes efforts to amend the harm. He is confronted directly by the Inquisitor and when that happens, he makes a true apology and listens to her experiences. He actually offers to step down from his position in the Inquisition because he recognizes that he has abused his power in the past and is unfit for the role that he’s been given. In the real world, when people betray us or others we love, accountability doesn’t happen overnight and neither does forgiveness. For Cullen to go through the entire plot of DA:I still expressing anti-mage sentiments and never being confronted by the other characters is hardly what I would consider redemption or accountability. 

But isn’t Cullen traumatized? What about his indoctrination by the Chantry?

Yes, Cullen has PTSD and was both indoctrinated and made a drug addict by the Chantry. He also used his position of power to aid and abet the widespread abuse of mages. The two are not mutually exclusive. Again, if we’re looking for stories that mimic humanity in the real world, we have to make room for nuance. Survivors of abuse can still perpetuate that cycle, and we can have empathy for what they’ve been through while also acknowledging that it isn’t okay for that trauma to continue manifesting in ways that harm others. Real people are not just “good” or “bad” and characters in our media should not be reduced to this either. 

Okay, but Cullen said he feels differently now, so clearly he’s changed, right?

Not exactly. He repeatedly expresses anti-mage sentiments during political discussions in DA:I, despite telling a romanced mage Inquisitor that he feels differently now. And even if he were not to express these sentiments, accountability is more than just words. We never see him apologize directly to anyone, nor do we see him use his position of power to criticize the Chantry and address abuses of power within the Templar ranks. 

I see, but is his bigotry truly based in hatred toward mages, or is it a manifestation of his fear of magic/demons?

That’s really for us to decide, because the writers don’t make it clear imo. Personally, I believe that his hatred toward mages has a lot to do with indoctrination and fear of magic instilled by the Chantry, as well as a conflation between magic and demons (also perpetuated by the Chantry). But as with bigotry in real life, the source of one’s bigotry doesn’t change the impact it has on those who are oppressed by it. 

This is really the Chantry’s fault then! They’ve taken advantage of someone who had good intentions. 

One could absolutely argue that Cullen became a Templar because he felt called to protect. I believe he did have good intentions, and the Chantry should most definitely be held responsible for the harm that they have perpetuated. However, that does not absolve Cullen of his own wrongdoings. He had a choice to make within that system, and we can acknowledge that it would have been a difficult choice - losing access to Lyrium, being scorned by his peers, losing access to a community and its resources etc - but we can’t sit here and act like he didn’t have one at all. The ethical choice is rarely a comfortable one. 

So, you’re saying that Cullen is irredeemable? 

Not at all. Cullen could have been a redeemable character, but his creators didn’t write him that way. There was space for a redemption arc in DA:I, but we didn’t truly get one. Instead we got a lot of vague platitudes and Cullen essentially saying, “let’s put the past behind us and forget everything I did, because I’m different now.” 

Aaaaaand this is what fanfic is for! If you want a real redemption arc for Cullen then write one. Center the people he has harmed, create a story where he makes tangible changes in his behavior, and let other characters be mad at him! A mage Inquisitor - especially one who lived in a Circle - would likely never have agreed to work with him so closely unless he made real efforts to change. 

#dragon age #DA:I #inquisition #cullen #cullen rutherford #anti-cullen #cullen hate #redemption #templar #mage #mage rebellion #abuse

[shinidamachu]

I often give Kikyo a hard time and is probably one of my least favourite characters. But she's a tragic character who didn't deserve her fate. I think it would have been more exciting that after her resurrection, she would turn into a villain with so much bitterness and hatred towards Inuyasha and Kagome, to then having one of the most greatest and compelling redemption arcs in the series. It would kind of be a parallel to Naraku. I would of loved Kikyo if that were the case. What do you think?

Do you really give her a hard time? Or are you just being critical of the way her character was portrayed? Because let me tell you, that’s not a crime. No piece of media or character is above criticism. As long as it’s not unnecessary bashing, I think it’s perfectly okay and healthy to use our critical skills, just like it’s fine to unapologetically enjoy something without thinking about it too hard.

ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ is probably one of my least favorite characters as well, but she had gorgeous character design, her backstory was intriguing and she had a crazy amount of potential. It's not her fault that it was all wasted.

The biggest problem, at least to me, is that the narrative was constantly trying to paint ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ as a victim only of Onigumo's obsession, of Naraku's traps and of fate itself. Because she was also victim of her own wrong choices and of bad writing. That was the real tragedy.

The narrative barely holds her accountable for anything she did and therefore her character has no room to improve or grow. And yes, I know this might be the case for several characters, such as Koga. The difference is that they were never treated as the epitome of purity and didn’t have the same level of importance to the story as she did.

It was essential to give her more backstory, to truly make her face and regret the consequences of her actions, to make her reevaluate herself, to challenge her belief system. The way they tried to do that, mostly with Kohaku and a little bit with Kagome, was unsatisfactory to me. 

The way it happened, it felt like she was a side character who was there just to be sad, pretty and to create angst between the protagonists. And could have been so much more!

Personally, I love the idea of ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ as a spiritual guide to Kagome, the way Roku was to Aang in Avatar: The Last Airbender. In this scenario, ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ and Inuyasha truly loved each other, not just the idea of having someone. She still helps Onigomu and it still bites her in the ass, but the difference is that when he became Naraku, he couldn’t fool Inuyasha and ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ into turning against each other. What he achieved instead was killing her and putting the blame on Inuyasha, who is then sealed to the Tree of Ages as a punishment.

ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ reincarnates as Kagome and everything else is pretty much the same, but using her spiritual powers, Kagome has the option to go to ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ for guidance and  ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ is always there to help her clean up the mess she made, as well as Inuyasha’s name. They then could have focused more on Kagome’s struggle to measure up to ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ, getting out of her shadow, finding her own place in the world. The romance with Inuyasha would be held back by the fear that ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ is the one he is seeing whenever he looks at her. 

And Inuyasha could have trouble with the same doubts, until they find out together that it was a “yes and” situation. Yes, he loved ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ. And now he loves Kagome. For her part, ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ would have achieved nirvana once Naraku was defeated and Inuyasha is finally, truly happy again, instead of doing it by spending ten seconds in the arms of a man who's not in love with her anymore and maybe never really was.

Now, if that couldn’t have been done, everything was the same and it was essential to bring her back, she should have been brought back as a human. Flesh, bones, blood, the whole package. That would have given her a fighting chance, it would have made the love triangle less shallow. It would have given ɪɴᴜᴋɪᴋ a second chance, let them try to fix what was wrong in their relationship. 

To me, narratively speaking, Inuyasha ending up with Kagome still would have made much more sense, but at least they would get to see for themselves why they don’t work and never again be haunted by “what if’s.” ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ would have realized that she wanted to be an ordinary woman more than she ever wanted Inuyasha. That she doesn’t need him or any man to achieve that. So this is what she finally becomes. Inuyasha would have realized that what he felt for ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ was infatuation and that Kagome was the one he truly loves, that they were born for each other.

In the meantime, ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ could have been working as a double agent, pretending to be consumed by hatred and evil only to give the Inugang precious information and trying to destroy Naraku from the inside. This could have given us an amazing dynamic with ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ, Kanna, Kohaku and especially Kagura. I get chills just thinking about the parallel between ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ wanting to be an ordinary woman and Kagura wanting to be the free wind. By extension, she could have actually interacted with Sesshomaru, which would also be cool.

And finally, I would have made ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ show affection for her sister. It felt like Kagome had more quality time with Kaede than her own blood, who didn’t seem to care about her at all. Do you have any idea how crazy that was? They only had each other, ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ died and Kaede had to grow up without her. Then she comes back from the death as young as she was before, to a gray Kaede. And none of this was explored. Nor this dynamic shift, nor the feelings they had about her ressurection. Nada.

But I also love your idea. I agree that ᴋɪᴋʏᴏ as an actual villain would have been exciting to see! A fallen priestess, consumed by darkness. Struggling with the good and the bad within. The parallel to Naraku, to Tsubaki. I think this would actually be the easier choice to go with in the original, because she did some pretty questionable things already. It would be a simple matter of taking a step forward and making the narrative call it out rather than just brush it off.

#Inuyasha #Thank you for the ask babe #Sidmailing

[whitetrashjj]

crying my eyes out at your MLA format essays cuz not every queer storyline in media has to be rooted in angst of coming out. i get some of the points you’re trying to make. i also don’t think the show is queerbaiting but jjpope had just as much “evidence” as jiara had. like please explain why jj was so keen on kiara liking john b just cuz she kissed him on the cheek and then went and kissed pope’s cheek?…. like in jj’s mind a cheek kiss means liking someone and he did that to pope. also there ARE shots of jj’s lingering gaze towards pope lets us not lie here lmao. i get that you’re sick of people calling u homophobic i dont think u are for not shipping jjpope i also dont think the show is queerbaiting at all but you go on about “storytelling povs” and “lack of critical thinking” when YOUR critical thinking is literally biased as hell 😭 u can ship jiara all u want but jj and kiara, ESPECIALLY KIARA, are both very much queer coded and if u gonna say they’re not bc of some cheesy sTorYtELLiNg bullshit that u probably learned from a youtube video then you’re just biased to your ship.

You know why I have to write those 'essays'? Cause I get asks like this that brush over a bunch of different topics and I want to make sure I not only address every part of it but also make sure I'm making my pov very clear so I don't have people misinterpreting what I say - even though they still do - or accuse me about random bitching without and reasons or justification. Anyway get ready to do some crying cause you are getting another essay.

I know not every queer storyline has to be rooted in the angst of coming out. I wish there were more that weren't. It's the reason I loved booksmart so much. It's one of the reasons I love Dare Me, because that show had sapphic leads and while their relationship was at the core of the show. It wasn't the fact that they were queer that was focused on. Oh god I could rant about Dare Me forever.

Now my point with JJ and Pope is that we don't get the impression that the boys are currently out as queer. JJ from the start was set up as a bit of a womaniser, a bit girl mad - it would have been very easy to make that gender neutral if he was bi, as I headcanon. With Pope it's the same, I personally view him as gay, but if he was bi/pan it would have been easy to show him like that as we see him attempting to flirt on two occasions. Now this isn't to say that in future seasons they can switch it up as if it was always canon, like they did with Clarke in the 100. My point however, isn't to say that JJ and Pope releasing their sexualities and feelings has to be filled with angst, the example I gave can very easily be played a bit cutely - even if they do address the internalised homophobia that I'm just sure would effect a character like JJ - but just that based on my experiences as a queer person and what I know to be experiences of others that it would realistically play out differently to how it would with a m/f couple. Even then when to comes to friends to lovers in general the removal of physical intimacy when that tension starts to build out of awkwardness is common, it doesn’t play out the same way that ships like JB and Sarah do in which they increase in physical intimacy. 

I didn't bring jiara into this. I didn't go out comparing jjpope and their interactions to jiara, I was simply speaking to how jjpope's relationship was portrayed. In terms of 'evidence' I am more than aware the jiara wasn't written to be a developing romance, anything there was created by what the fans saw and choices made by the editors. But it is also a canon fact that at the very least JJ is attracted to Kie, that all the pogues 'kinda have a thing for her' and that he has 'tried' something with her. Even if the intention of those things wasn't to build to a relationship - they did happen and that's not up for interpretation. I'm not gonna bring up the 'did you tell JJ?' thing cause it still confuses the hell out of me.

The thing with the cheek kisses is that it's not the action in itself that made it a romantic thing. A handshake can build romantic tension when framed that way but that doesn't make every hand shake in that piece of media suddenly romantic, make sense? If you compare the two scenes we have the build up of Kie walking up to John B, a close up of a lingering cheek kiss, the pull back with lingering looks and then the reactions of others who have observed it and picked up on something. It frames it as a significant moment with slow beats. That's how you build romantic tension. With the JJPope one it just flows past it, JJ pulls back from the hug, a quick peck on the check and a 'love you too man' with a smirk and pat on the check. We don't even have a second of Pope's reaction to it. Do you see what I mean?

You can love that moment as a shipper. I mean it's a great moment that really highlights their dynamic. To you it's a dynamic that you see and think oh this would play out so well romanticly, it's a dynamic I see and think oh I love their friendship. Each of those are valid reactions. But it isn't a moment that has been intentionally framed to build romantic tension and suggest a budding relationship.

Darl, I swear to god if I was coming to you with my shipping bias' this would be a very different conversation. I know I will always have them and I will lean into them when I'm on vc with shes, theys and gays and we are getting lost in headcanons but I do my best take a step back when I talk about these things here because I've been in fandoms when you have two extremes and no one relents and it's awful, I don't want to create that space. And once again, I did not bring jiara into this. My original post was not a comparison to jiara.

I am very curious about your perspective on queer coding here. Because yes, JJ has chaotic bi energy and I will die on this hill. But I do not see how he has been queer coded. Other than people seeing a man being physically affectionate with another men and insist that can't be platonic. As with Kie I can see it more, not for a second do I believe that what went on with Kie and Sarah was straight. And I desperately want to see Maddie play Kie as pan to rep her own very underrepresented sexuality! And in terms of how she's written, stuff like being an astrology bitch and environmentalist scream queer to us, I do think it is important to note that the writers of the show being who they are would necessarily have the same impression of what a queer womans traits would be. In regards to that scene in ep 1 where they have the hot touron girl and then JJ, JB and Kie all perking up and doing the nod thing? I don't think anyone has a straight explanation for that.

The 'sTorYtELLiNg bullshit that u probably learned from a youtube video' comment made me laugh cause it reminds me of this guy I had a fight with on the weekend over Remus and Sirius being queer and he decided to undermine my argument by saying 'just because you read it on reddit doesn't make it true' which... yike. Any way, maybe you do but I don't have the tolerance to sit down and watch a youtube video on someone analysing a show. All my interpretations come from years of writing actual essays analysing elements and themes in media. As well as having a keen interest in direction and editing, so I pay a lot of attention to those things and you start to notice patterns. In terms of credentials I don't have any but I do think these 'essays' do an alright job of me not only explaining my interpretation but why. Because I'm not someone to just say things and expect that to just be accepted or think that is makes it true.

#obx #outer banks #JJ and pope #jiara #JJ maybank #kiara carrera #pope heyward #lara answers

[jackrackhams]

okay but like. i feel like most media these days ends up falling short of its potential somewhat, because pretty much everything is ultimately a commercial endeavor where the end goal is (at least partially) to turn a profit. and so there’s a fear of taking creative risks, or a budget that restricts what you can make, or a time crunch, and so on. so you get mostly watered down versions of whatever creative vision the project started out as.

and then you go to fandom for an alternative, because there is good stuff there and it’s recognizable, but that wasted potential is noticeable, too. except fandom has fallen into this collaborative interpretation where there’s almost always a “widely accepted fanon” based off of the headcanons of a handful of popular creators. this combined with the fundamental misunderstanding of critical consumption of media (something i’ve seen a few posts criticizing lately) where the alternative presented to ignoring a media’s flaws is just performatively ripping it to shreds while still consuming that content leads to even MORE watered down versions of the characters and concepts than you started out with.

and like. you start out with a concept that’s at least somewhat watered down from a potentially really interesting idea from a professional creative who knows how to write a story. and then a bunch of people who enjoy that recognize that something is off, that this could be better, and try their best to turn it into what it could have been! except popular fandom mindset has led to a fundamental misunderstanding of exactly what is off here, about what that missed potential is exactly. because rather than thinking about what the creator might have intended, or reading between the lines, or making new connections, etc, people either ignore or bash the “bad” aspects without really thinking about any of it.

i think one of the biggest contributors to this mindset is the like. “my story now!”, death of the author type reaction, especially towards media made by shitty people. you can’t like... ignore the intentions of the author when you’re thinking about media and still have it be faithful to the original thing. you can change things, yes, but it should be based on actually thinking through the issues and why they’re problems, rather than a surface-level band aid approach. like, sometimes a creator’s prejudice is so intwined in a work that you can’t just functionally ignore it. or even a bad story decision! like, you have to sort of think about why they made that choice to find a good alternative!

i also think there’s a mindset of like. every fan creator thinking they’re smarter than the professional writers? and a really weird trend lately of saying that subtext isn’t real...? yes, a lot of creators will make choices that aren’t like, the most revolutionary thing, or aren’t what you wanted to happen. that’s because of the financial motivation i talked about earlier, and also because taste is subjective. sometimes what you want to happen and what the creator wants to happen are both decent alternatives, you just have different taste. neither of those things means that the creator isn’t smart, or that they’re incapable of weaving a good story. when you’re thinking about the author’s intentions, you also might also make connections that the writer didn’t intentionally put in there. great news! this is called critical consumption of media. it can be fun!!

and like... this has gotten long and unruly and it’s just a portion of the thoughts i have related to this topic, and i’m not saying writing fun silly headcanons or soulmate aus or whatver is like. bad. i enjoy that content too! and i’m not saying that you have to write long analyses of every work of fiction you like. sometimes you just want to not think too hard about stuff, come up with headcanons about your favorite characters for comfort, write some tropey fanfiction, and that’s chill! i just wish some of the widespread mindsets in fandom that contribute to a lot of this were... not so pervasive. i think it’d lead to a much more diverse range of fan content.

#fandom #sorry this is pretty rambly but i've had a lot of thoughts lately #personal

[themself]

final thoughts about 1984

i lied. this is final but its not about 1984, because it never was about 1984, it was never even about my post or the things i said. its about the version of me and my arguments that’s been constructed by other people, that they’ll continue to argue with.

the post has been circulated thousands of times, screenshoted to twitter to have hundreds of people dunk on me and call me stupid, say i don’t know how to read, etc. i got hate messages telling me to commit suicide and to detransition. it was funny at first. but i’m tired. i never wanna read the year 1984 again. ive started to doubt myself and wonder if there was a secret truth that all of these people had tapped into that i somehow missed and nobody has ever been explain to me, that nobody else has ever written about in all of the writing ive found on the book and everybody gets but me

first, i twote what i twote

i said what i said. could i have worded it better? YES. but i was making a kneejerk reaction to a poorly written post, that was worded in and simple way so i phrased it poorly.

i do think that reading about rape in a classroom is inappropriate and potentially traumatic to readers, i think that experiencing violent misogyny without a discussion is harmful. i dont actually care what orwells intentions were because i dont know them and neither do you. hes dead. his words still hurt people and thats not okay to expose people to without a discussion about it.

i also think that media analysis can be taught with any work. you can perform media analysis on the goddamn mcu and find something worthwhile there. i fundamentally think teachers meeting students where they’re at, validating their interests and teaching the same strategies learned for classics! despite reading lots of classic literature, i never learned how to perform actual proper media analysis until i was in college! my reads of classics were often dismissed by teachers, i was forced to memorize their analyses instead of being able to think critically about works on my own! meet students where they’re at! encourage passion! use it to help teach new techniques and help them engage in and love material!

you don't know me

you know, in the tons and tons of messages and random ass people coming into my DMs demanding a debate, i realized something. they’re not arguing with me. they’re arguing with the version of me that exists in their head. i remember in particular somebody came at me and said “why do you think there’s no merit in 1984 because of some bad things” and i replied that i never said that. they said my message wasn’t clear enough so of course everybody would assume that.

i wrote a two second response girl! i wasn’t trying to create an essay for people to respond against. but who i am doesn’t matter. it never really did. people have constructed me to be the type of person who exemplifies fandom and cancel culture or whatever coming for classic novels, who thinks that anything new and shiny with fandom is better, and that i don’t know how to read and think anything problematic or with hard topics is canceled and not worth any merit.

the truth is i haven’t read a fanfiction since i was 12 or engaged with a fandom since i was 17. my two favorite works of fiction are boogiepop and we know the devil, both of which deal with really heavy topics, have main characters who make bad sloppy choices and hurt people. neither of these works have big fandoms. i think fandom has merit, and i am interested in people who perform literary analysis on popular nerd culture texts. that’s not me, but i support peoples’ right to do that. but i like indie art! most of the media i consume is experimental indie videogames, and a lot of lgbtq independent projects.

again though, who i am doesn’t matter, because nobody here was ever arguing with me, they were arguing with an idea of me based on two sentences, a being constructed from those terms with other peoples assumptions plastered on. i’ve just become somebody to put that being on. that’s kind of how everybody talks to each other online, and i’ve come to recognize that now. hell, i’ve been the perpetrator of that stuff towards other people online too! thats why i don’t hang out online anymore, why i don’t read arguments anymore, and why i am trying not to let the nasty stuff people say to me bother me because it was never about me

can y’all leave me alone now?

even if 1984 was worth all this discussion,  i want to be able to turn anonymous messaging on again, i want to be able to have my DMs open without it being an invitation for people to accuse me of not knowing how to read. go bother somebody else with your time. you have the time to write to some random ass bitch over 1984? write letters to prisoners to help alleviate the trauma of the carceral system! go harass nazis on twitter if you want somebody to be mean to! instead of telling me to detransition, go cry about 14 year olds sending u anime jpegs or whatever the hell terfs do! i promise y’all it is NOT deep enough for you guys to be hounding me the way you do. your time is valuable! dont spend it bothering random bitches on tumblr!

if youre gonna bother me over some typo on this post consider that i don’t actually give a shit and you could be spendin the time having sex instead or doing something else that makes you happy. i’m not reading this post again and i’m not talking about this topic again. deuces

#mine #text #1984scourse

[ooc-but-stylish]

freezedive:

I think I said it in one of your other beautiful posts, but I thought I’d mention it again. All of the ridiculous cutscenes did give us a golden nugget of information on Luna that most of us who are brutally critical of her (like you and me), suspected all along: Luna openly admits to Gentiana that she doesn’t think she has anything to offer Noctis outside of being an oracle. And Gentiana makes it worse by speaking in fancy words by saying some bullshit about her being the oracle is her being human or something and that she is fulfilling her true calling and that is what Noctis needs? Idk but it reeked of emotional manipulation. 

I hold little to no regard for Ravus because there’s evidence Luna was being brutally beaten right under his own nose while he was busy being the Emperor’s lapdog thinking it could maybe give him the power to save his sister? The man should have opened his eyes and defended her against the men that kept them jailed

I happened on this reply to roxainn’s post while trying to recapitulate all my other FFXV critical posts and reblogs on the way to making new ones. 

Crawling back to find anything about this point, I find that it was posted 3 years ago. But at least I reblogged the reply to it.... and missed that it was literally @ ME. Goddamn did I slack.

But here’s my reply, 3 years late, which should elaborate on where I stand on this.

Yes, the flashback that gets triggered by a random creepy little girl in Tenebrae is about Luna and Gentiana. Somehow the little girl knew about that conversation even though she wasn’t there to witness it first-hand? Or maybe Noctis was imagining what the conversation would be like between Gentiana and Luna off of the vague suggestion from the girl, and it’s just him telling on himself that his imagination of Luna says all that? Otherwise the not-altogether-tinfoil-hat theory says it’s Gentiana in the form of a little girl, telling Noctis something that IMO should piss him off but just makes him sad and guilty because Luna loved him so much, don’t you see. She loved him so much that after wrapping her entire life around him, she’d just want to keep that going for the rest of their lives!

Gentiana opens the conversation with, “At first, the father had mourned the fate of his chosen son. Yet in Tenebrae, the two found solace. It was not the Oracle who assuaged their fears. But the girl…she holds…the true power.”

Then Luna replies, “I have little to offer a king, other than the voice afforded the Oracle. Nevertheless…” She turns to look at the wedding dress. “And—I’m afraid he might find this foolish… But…to be together with Noctis again, even if only for a short while… It…would mean the world to me. I do not seek to guide him, merely to stand beside him.”

The exchange is all types of fucky.

First off, she was twelve. What comfort could she have offered Regis and Noctis? What comfort was she capable of when Sylva was right there, an adult with experience of an Oracle and a personality thanks to a presumable full life not hampered by grooming of the gods? 

Second, every other scene of Luna as a child is of her telling Noctis his duty, and that it was her duty to see it through. Did that assuage his fears-- the fears he didn’t have at the time since he never knew the entire meaning of his fate and was being told a saccharine, embellished version of it by Luna right there? Did that comfort Regis, knowing a little girl would also die to protect his son if the gods wanted it, but that she wouldn’t have the will to avert their fates whatsoever? 

Third, even she thinks Noctis would think her desire to be with him is foolish. So... was she expecting that Noctis himself didn’t have feelings for her or want to spend time with her of his own volition for reasons outside of her job? She was looking forward to a marriage with no emotional security, where her desires are one-sided and unreciprocated, and the man she cares for think she’s worthless outside of her powers? She would’ve been willing to put herself through that, given a choice?

We know what we know and think what we think, but the fact that this was placed right in the vanilla game and no one thought that was wrong, and instead they doubled down on it in patches, is pathetic on their part.

Moreover, what does The Girl have, that was separate from The Princess and The Oracle? Every facet of her being wrapped around Noctis since age 4. She was nothing but her duty by the time Noctis met her; they had no scenes where they acted as children would. Even supplemental/promotional art for other XV media and related locales cement that. Little Luna serves Little Noctis pastries, she’s not seen eating with him. Luna teaches Noctis how to play piano, she’s not playing with him. Dawn of the Future came out with its own art, and Noctis is afforded the liberty to sit in a chair, and his son(?) sits on his lap, while Luna and her spitting image child(?) are both on their knees, looking up at the dudes. 

In most of their art together, Luna and Noctis are either not meeting each other's gazes, she's bending or kneeling to him, or he's supposed to be holding her close but he hover-hands her, or there’s that one time where they took a selfie and the picture was of their Pocket Edition versions. They’re still not looking at each other in that one. And it’s not canon.

Anyway yeah, any conversation Gentiana has with Luna about Noctis is emotional manipulation on Gentiana’s part, but the writers manage just enough to make everyone involved seem creepy and reprehensible in their own way. 

In DOTF, Luna has a death soliloquy that confirms she sunk into the water at the end of the game’s Chapter 9, but the soliloquy is about how she was prepared to die even at the age of 12, and she put on a smile and resolved to be strong for Noctis’s sake, so that he wouldn’t remember her having a look of despair. There’s a line there about how she would cry herself to sleep but Gentiana would wipe her tears. Gentiana does nothing else except allow her to cry and wipe her tears afterward, and makes no effort to save her from her fate or at least take her out of terrible situations so that she would cry fewer tears. But there is cut dialogue from the game, and used in the novel, where Gentiana revealed herself as Shiva when Luna was <16 (probably still 12 at the time), when she thought she was being held back from forming the covenants, so there’s that. And Luna still somehow ignored that this meant Shiva allowed Sylva to die, and thanked this useless goddess for her nonexistent generosity. 

For whatever reason they had to add a passage where Luna superimposes the image of an eight-year-old Noctis onto the adult version-- quote, "the image of him as a child, burned into my eyelids, overlaps with his now-grown face"-- even though Noctis has canonically sent her photos of him as a teenager (15-16, around the time he met Prompto in high school, see: Brotherhood). Granted, that's a translation from Luna's voice actress reading an excerpt as if it were first person POV. The English version says she sees the child image first, then the adult version is superimposed. Then not much after that there's a passage where Noctis smiles as his child self and it was "that smile she loved that had been in her heart all these years, giving her strength, always and forever".

So she was groomed and turned into a shell since age 4, believes she has no value outside of her job and turned her grooming on a similarly vulnerable child, and her strongest image of him, the one she fell in love with and kept in her heart, is of the helpless boy that promised her the world without knowing the cost. The smile of the carefree boy that didn't know his journey would end with his soul annihilated. It couldn’t have been that hard to have her see an image of him as the 30 year old True King of Light that he would become. At least she'd sound a little less like a weirdo who continually places herself (and is placed by the narrative) as below him, unworthy of him, etc. but also has strong feelings and memories toward a goddamn child.

Re: Ravus: you already got a reply to that, but for real? Ravus was also shafted by the plot and beaten down by terrible, amateur writing. The narrative shits on him as if it’s written by a high schooler or otherwise emotionally arrested adult trying to push a Mary Sue Protagonist. The modus operandi for those stories is that everyone who disagrees with the protagonist in any way has to suffer tremendous humiliation including but not limited to death, because the Protagonist Is Just So Good And Perfect And Always Right. 

Nothing Ravus does justifies his treatment in-game or in-fandom like he’s a one-note out-and-out villain who wanted nothing but to kill Noctis and disrespect his sister, to the point where his corpse is defiled multiple times in Chapter 13 and he’s twisted into a perversion of himself that begs to die.

Chapter 13 has Noctis land next to Ravus’s corpse and all his letters to Luna, and Noctis has piss all to say about it, either out loud or to anyone. He looks at the Sword of the Father, glances at Ravus, and without a word takes the Royal Arm and lets the Magitek arm-- still dripping, still gross-- fall onto Ravus’s body and doesn’t even move it.  

He had no way of knowing beforehand that Ignis and Gladio knew of Ravus being killed. WE didn't even know they saw security footage until Ch13V2 was added in. Noctis happening on his late fiancée's dead bro sounds, I don’t fucking know, like something you’d want to tell everyone else about later. Along with the letters he wrote evidencing that he intended to return the Sword of the Father to Noctis!

An aside: The Letters from Ravus are just weird to behold; it isn't 100% clear whether Luna ever received all of those letters. She had to have received the first one, at least. But the idea that Ardyn intercepted even one other letter so that Luna never heard from her brother between Tenebrae and Altissia is farfetched. He shouldn’t be able to intercept those messages as if they were delivered conventionally. Luna has a pair of magic space-bending Shiba Inu that send letters instantly across continents. If she’s sparing their use to send Noctis one-liners and stickers but can’t afford that for Ravus to send her discrete updates on Noctis’s status, she’s a piece of shit. 

They do meet in Tenebrae as Ravus wanted her to, and they have the conversation where he gets on her case about her “throwing [her] life away” for Noctis. So chances are higher that Ardyn only got a hold of all three letters after Luna received them and no sooner, but then he shouldn’t be tossing letters from Ravus at the dude’s body when it makes more sense for him to toss down letters to Ravus, since the writers wanted to make a point of Ardyn having a vicious streak. It makes way more sense for Ardyn to deprive Ravus of Luna’s writing, then insult him with them post-mortem, unless Ravus’s notes were really all he could acquire, meaning Luna never once wrote back to her brother. 

The Doylist explanation is that the writing team sucks and couldn't be assed to think of anything for Luna to say because they didn't think of her at all. The Watsonian explanation is that Luna’s a piece of shit and that tracks with her in Kingsglaive watching her brother burn alive in response to the Ring, but ignoring him and running to Regis’s aid instead, but then the rest of the plot presents her as morally pure through her white clothing and “unconditional, self-abnegating love” for Noctis.

Back to the topic: I don’t know, maybe I’m being old fashioned, but Noctis should’ve given more of a shit that his dropping the Magitek Arm on Ravus’s body was probably what turned him into a mutated abomination begging to die, and he thought so little of Ravus that the dude isn’t even in the glimpse of "people who helped me get this far" in the Beyond. Ravus doesn’t even get a spot to wish Noctis and Luna well on their afterlife wedding, not that it makes any sense for any of them to have words to say since Noctis is already dead, no one was there with them, and none of the bros expressed any sign that they knew that Noctis was bound to get married after his sacrifice (he sure doesn’t mention it in the final campfire scene and that’d be a better place than any). But anyway, Regis is in the Beyond at Noctis’s side even though he never told Noctis a damn thing and still never spoke to him from within the Ring, but Ravus? Nah, he’s the real asshole somehow and doesn’t deserve any recognition whatsoever.

The only other characters I know of that have a remotely similar dynamic to Noctis, Luna, and Ravus (lovers, but the girl has a straight-edge protective brother working for the bad guys) is Nero, Kyrie, and Credo (see: Devil May Cry), but as much as I think the writing in that series is hokey as fuck, at least the writer(s) for DMCs 4 and 5 had enough sense to make the love story simple and based it from a line from Amagasaki City-- “I love you, so I love the city that you love.”-- and opted against portraying Credo as an outright villain because if Nero killed him, Kyrie would resent him for it even though she knew Credo was working for the same Order that threatened her life. 

Shouldn’t Noctis care about the shit Luna cares about even if he has no personal investment in it or it’s inconvenient to him? Shouldn’t he care about Tenebrae and its prosperity? or about Ravus? Nah, it’s okay, Noctis doesn’t have to respect Luna’s love for her brother or her kingdom because for all intents and purposes, she doesn’t care for Ravus or for Tenebrae as much as she loves Noctis. Her love for Noctis and her looking forward to the wedding is what matters here.

The yaaaas queen vicious clapback from Kingsglaive!Luna about how Ravus is the Empire’s dog is especially rich coming from her when she’s fellating the gods all through the game even though Eos’s equivalent of The Holy Bible says the Hexatheon’s Revelations destroy cities and that undoubtedly means people are killed by the gods, and their summoner is complicit, because there’s no such thing as a perfect evacuation. See: "Revelations left great devastation in their wake, with entire cities being laid to ruin," noted in the Cosmogony long before the True King even exists. 

Luna herself didn’t see a problem with this and helped in the effort, with no regard to the collateral damage she would cause with the summoning: bonus points for the part where Leviathan is hostile to humanity and threatens to eat every living being if Noctis fails! She had even less regard to the damage Niflheim would cause in their attempt to kill the gods even though she was first-hand witness to them sacking Insomnia. Waking and defeating Titan deprived Lestallum of the meteor they derived power from. Waking Leviathan destroyed Altissia. Luna’s refusal to leave Insomnia when told to by Regis led to her being used as bait and taking the whole of the Kingsglaive out of Insomnia in time for their Face Heel Turn and Insomnia being destroyed. Everything else leads to the eventual World of Ruin where people also die. 

All because she killed herself prematurely from the covenants and didn’t hold back the longer nights as she promised to the public’s face and on her honor as Oracle she would do. Her dying words in Chapter 9 were her being completely satisfied with her fate because “[her] prayers were answered, [her] calling fulfilled”, even though the calling requires that she dies and she should’ve known better than anyone that her death, even if it was for Noctis’s ascension, would endanger the rest of the world for 10 years and helped the Starscourge spread. But instead of fighting for her own life to stem the plague for as long as possible, she let herself die under the belief that "Noct can handle this" to give him the chance to be the revered King of Light. She also didn’t make a single appearance on the world of the living in her spirit form during those ten years until Noctis needed help with a piddly imitation of the Magic Wall, only then does she come down in her ghost form with seemingly all of her power intact, and summons five of The Six as if Noctis can’t easily do it himself.

But Ravus is the lapdog? Luna’s the one with her “ends justify the means” behavior and what looks like general neglect for actual human beings.

Anyway, Ravus stabs Caligo in the back and kills him, and that move only makes sense in light of the idea that Caligo was manhandling Luna as seen in the Dawn trailer. Ravus was 16 when Tenebrae was overrun, and there’s no reason to believe he was magically immune to institutional abuse, so there’s a high chance that he was abused by the Empire too, held resentment of that, and waited for the time he’d be able to retaliate with no repercussions. Gentiana as a goddess is 1000000% more on the hook about letting Luna be beaten than Ravus is, since he saw his mother die in front of him while Regis ran away. Regis had the power of the Ring and could have used elemancy to put out that fire, or void magic to banish Glauca and his MT army, didn’t do that, but he totally spares enough magic during the treaty signing to toss around Thunder spells straight from his hand, cast barriers, and summon some Royal Arms straight at Iedolas, and that’s bad enough. Gentiana who’s been the Fleuret family attendant since Luna was born and also is Shiva who can freeze people with her fingertip had even less excuse to let that fire rage, to let Sylva die protecting her son, and to stand by and allow her ward(s) to get thrown around by some random Imperial soldier.

#freezedive #ffxv critical #ffxv criticism #lunafreya critical #gentiana critical #regis critical #lunafreya nox fleuret #ravus nox fleuret #regis lucis caelum #ravus deserved better #long read

[chayacat]

Devil’s Sweet Star (36)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader  

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut  

***

Have you already seen an angry bull, charging at full speed, horn forward, ready to pick up the unfortunate one who will be on the road? Yes, I know, this question is a little strange but in the current context... it’s the order of the day. If you've watched one of these American police series at least once in your life, you know how interrogations take place... especially when they are muscular. After a while, the investigator loses patience and becomes a little upset. Well, let’s say that Danny is experiencing this scene and, fortunately for him, he’s not on the other side of the interrogation room. Because if Wilhelm has been able to remain patient so far... He’s currently like that famous angry bull. Without the horns.  

2 days after your... little tasteful evening with Ghostface, Danny found himself at the police station to attend the interrogation of Hoggins who, despite the media and police pressure, remained marble. How, that's the question. There is a lot of evidence that he’s a suspect, even though we know the truth about McKellan's murder. Danny's perfect plan was perfected even more thanks to this fool of rich man who was too stupid to stay in place. The photo, the interrogation of Devon, the phone calls... Everything incriminated him. And yet he remained serene as if all this was only a conspiracy and that he was the light of justice. Poor asshole. At least Danny didn't need to falsify any evidence. Hoggins brought them to him on a silver platter. Even if his "Jed" side regrets it a little, because he saw how much Wilhelm was involved in this case, he was eager to see the reaction of the latter when he’ll discover that from the beginning it was indeed, he, Ghostface, who had committed this crime. And that while he was going after Hoggins, other victims suffered this sad fate.

“I bet you 10 dollars that the boss will turn the table.” said one of the officers.

“I bet you 20 dollars and a restaurant that he will not.” responds another one.  

“What exactly is the point of anger?” asks Danny without looking away from the interrogation room.

“Let's say that we get to the critical stage and that any object in the room, including the table, can suddenly start flying.”

“Oh. Good.” Replied Danny, who feels the two officers look at him strangely.

On the other side, Hoggins did not move, his back straight, proud as usual. As if it was a bad dream and he was just going to wake up in bed. Wilhelm tried to remain calm, but in front of a man like him... it was complicated.

“Mr Hoggins, I don’t know if you realise what situation you are in. There is much, MUCH evidence against you. If you really have nothing to reproach yourself for, if you’re truly innocent, then cooperate.” said Wilhelm, trying to stay calm.  

“I can't help you more than that inspector. As I told you, all this is just lies and plots against me. Coming from whom, I don't know. I have always been an honest man and, although I admit that I had indeed ... had some unwelcome words towards Horace, he was a very good partner and a good friend.” responds Hoggins with a fake smile.  

“We have this photo, the testimony of the man who is on it, your phone records and the text message you exchanged! and you absolutely want to prove me wrong!? Stop taking me for a fool!”

“This man would be able to say anything for money or to have peace. I don’t deny the messages exchanged with Horace. As for the photo... it’s not evidence as it infringes on my privacy. I could file a complaint but I'm not to belittle myself to this kind of... stupidity.”

“The photo was taken in a legal framework, Mr. Hoggins. the journalist who took it was turned away at the entrance of your residence when he had come to write an article about you, long before the scandal broke. He had taken several photos of the place to illustrate his article. The prosecutor confirmed this to me. What about the car that was patrolling around McKellan's house a few days before his murder? We were able to find this vehicle and its owner, and he confirms that he was on the scene at YOUR request. And with the following terms: Watch me this scabby dog. Never leave his eyes. And take the opportunity to see how to enter, without being noticed.”

“... I don’t see what this man is talking about at all.” replied Hoggins with the same fake smile.  

Wilhelm inhaled loudly before leaving the room to join Danny and the two officers who were there. He entered the room by violently slamming the door, ready to destroy everything in his path. An image that made our beautiful murderer smile. Nothing makes him happier than to see Wilhelm on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

“I swear to you, that if it were not for the investigation, it would be a long time since I exploded his jaw against the table. Damn, I dream of being able to put this rotten man in jail. I can't get enough of his satisfying little smile, even you Olsen, you are more bearable and less annoying than him!” said Wilhelm trying to regain his calm.

“As you said to me, Hoggins is not a simple man. He’s a big fish. He knows how to play his pawns to win.” responds Danny before whispering to himself: “But he’s nothing than a kid compared to me. I’m a GOD in that category.”

“With everything we have on him he should talk! Even if it is to prove his innocence! But here, I don’t see how he could say that he is not involved in this case! it's all there! I... Damn, I need to hit on something. »

In a sense it was better for Danny that Hoggins defended himself. A man who confesses too quickly is not fun for him. No, Danny is a man who appreciates having strong opponents in front of him. And Hoggins is a prime opponent. Killing him is going to be a pure delight. 3 Days to wait... We will have to find something to deal with between now and then. Fortunately, some sad souls, drunk or drugged, hang out in the streets in the evening... Otherwise his life would be nothing but a mortal boredom.

And then at least... there's you. It's been two days since you and Danny officially lived together, something you celebrated of course. But something was wrong with you. As Jed, he pretended to ignore it, but in reality, he knew very well what you were thinking. He didn't stop thinking about it and he couldn't wait for one thing: to take his place again. How will you react? Several options are possible.

The most unlikely would be that you jump into his arms to kiss him, and just agree to live with a murderer, becoming his accomplice. That would be too good to be true. The second option would be fear and misunderstanding. Knowing that he lied to you all this time.... you would be despaired. But you’ll have no choice but to accept it, permanently tarnishing your relationship. Which will bother Danny a bit. And knowing you, the last possible option is that you fight him and notify the police. In this case he would have no choice but to kill you. It would break his heart, but his secret must remain so above all.  

Hoggins' interrogation lasted a few more minutes until his lawyer arrived. And we can say that he is as stupid as his client. Two head-to-slap for the price of one. He has every interest in not being there when Danny kills Hoggins. otherwise... Well, that will make two murders for the price of one. Christmas before time for our murderer. The two men leave the police station and Wilhelm turned the table in the interrogation room, making one of the officers win the bet. Danny left the interrogation room and crossed Hoggins' gaze in the distance, the latter smiling at him to provoke him. But Danny wasn't an idiot and responded in the same way.

“Hmph. Assholes.” Danny simply said.  

“Well Olsen... sorry for bothering you for that. But at least we are making progress. It may not be proven that it was Hoggins who paid the man who ransacked your girlfriend's coffee... But there is a lot of evidence to suspect him of McKellan's murder. It's a matter of time, I guess.” said Wilhelm.  

“Don't worry about that. He loses nothing to wait. You will eventually have him. His provocative little smile will soon fall. With that, I'll leave you. I still have work ahead of me. And an adorable girlfriend too. See you later, inspector.”

Danny left the police station to return to the apartment, still at work. The newspaper articles are not going to be written on their own. unfortunately. And in addition, he will be alone, given that you work at the café today. normally. He took the opportunity to do some shopping to fill the fridge, life for two, obviously the food goes down faster. Once he arrived, he put away the groceries, put down his belongings, took off his coat to end up in a tank top, and then walked to his office. And even there he locked it, from the inside. We never know in case you have the good idea to make him a surprise attack, when he clearly asked you not to enter this room.

He landed in front of his computer and began to write his articles, or even to finish others that he had already begun. Taking a break from time to time to rest his eyes, even with glasses you have to be careful. Drinking a sip of coffee, which was nothing compared to yours, he rereads what he had written so far. He was proud of it, proud of what he wrote, proud to see his work appreciated. Even if it is not his real name that is at the end of each article. Jed Olsen will always remain as a cover name... but in your eyes it will be Danny Johnson and nothing else. A name he can't wait to hear from you in your future... intimate evening.

He resumed writing his articles for a few more hours before stopping for today. He took off his glasses to rub his eyes and got up, taking his cup of coffee to wash it. He looked at his hunting board, including the photo of hoggins that he circled several times in red, then he left his office and locked it to avoid any intrusion on your part. It's not that he doesn't trust you but... Curiosity is sometimes too strong against reason.

“Well... Everything goes as planned... Hoggins even makes it easy for me. But I'm going to have to be careful. I feel like he wants to drag me along with him in his downfall. If I feel that it is too dangerous over the next 2 days... I wouldn't wait until the evening of the festival to kill him. Sorry honey, but I may have to speed things up.” said Danny to himself.  

Putting the news on TV, Danny started preparing the meal for tonight, when he got a call to say the least... singular. Wilhelm? But what did he want from him at this hour?

“Inspector? A problem?” he asks.

“Tell me Olsen... you lived well in Florida, didn't you? About 4/5 years ago? Does the name Nicolas Pheels tell you anything?” said Wilhelm.  

Danny's heart missed a beat. Obviously, he knew this name... It's the name of the man who destroyed Danny's life forever. The "doctor" who took care of Carla. But why and how did Wilhelm get this name?

“Olsen? Are you still there?”  

“Yeah. Yes, I know him. It was the doctor who took care of Carla until... until the end. Why?"

“My condolences. I did some research on Hoggins...  to learn a little more about this asshole. And it turns out that he lived in his second home in Florida and... he was visibly very friendly with this guy. From what I read, Hoggins financed the hospital run by Pheels. But some doctors said, in exchange for anonymity, that Hoggins was willing to fund a little more for each death. In order to pass this on to a material financial need. Of course... Pheels kept everything to himself.” replied Wilhelm.

“I knew it... What a son of a b**ch!” responds Danny.  

“This guy is dangerous Olsen... a real crazy one. So, pay close attention to you two, ok? He is not the type to be afraid of death.”

“Yes... I hope he will pay for what he has done. And believe me... he will pay dearly.”

Danny hung up, before hitting the worktop with force. Decidedly this little war with Hoggins has been going on for longer.... It's not just Pheels' fault... but also hoggins' fault if Carla had died. Pheels has already paid, Hoggins will pay double. 3 Days.... 3 small days... he couldn't wait. Suddenly he heard the front door open. And all his anger and frustration disappeared when he saw you enter, a cheerful smile on his lips. At least you had a better day than him.

“Hello Honey!” you said cheerfully.  

“Hi, Darling. How was your day?” Danny said with a little smile.  

“Darling? This is the first time I've heard you say that. Would I already be too old for you?”

“Ha ha, for me it's more of a form of politeness than anything else. And then it changes from Honey or Sweetheart, right?”

“Let us keep this expression for when we will be two old madmen in wheelchairs. And to answer your question... my day went very well. We are at the point on the cake for the festival, we are at the point on the festival anyway ... all we have to do is wait for the great event. And we had a lot of people at the café. What about you?”

Danny gently took you by the waist to stick you against him, burying his head in your neck. You hug him in return, rubbing his back to console him. He raised his head slightly, looking down at the front door, bad looking in his face. You know this look that could kill you without you being able to react... That's exactly what Danny looked... And if you weren't there, he would have made his smile the unhealthiest, the craziest of all the smiles he could make. But you are there so he has to stay in his role... All the way.

“So bad this day?” you ask even if you already know the answer.  

“No... let's say I just learned something... which I wish I had never known. I had my doubts... Now it's clear.”

And don't worry... You will also be in confidence.

And even you wouldn't dare to believe it.

***

(It makes an insupportable heat in my house, what a hell. Fortunately, fans exist! I am in the process of developing my fanfic on Re8 village, just to have a coherent scenario. I would like to warn that it will be a kind of... of alternative universe where unfortunately the Winters will be a little or not present at all. But there will be Chris! Since some characters like Lady Dimistrescu were inspired by Count Dracula and Countess Bathory, I decided to go in this spirit. If you dreamed of a lycan Heisenberg, I'll give it to you! (At least I'll try... I am not promising anything.) I hope you’ll like this chapter like the others ones! Well, it's time for my brain to rest! Have a great weekend to you all!  See ya!)

#dbd fanfic #dbd #dead by deadlight #ghostface #danny johnson #jed olsen

[bigskydreaming]

Do you have any character in any fandom that you hate so much or a character who bothers you so much that you can't look at any media without getting annoyed/ upset? Not like villain character, a normal or even fandom fave character, someone most others won't find anything wrong with but your guts hate them, that kind?

I mean, the most obvious example of this for me is definitely Stiles in Teen Wolf lol. I know that a lot of people didn’t start disliking him until later seasons but I just flat out never liked him from the get go, and like....it built and grew due to a lot of fandom attitudes towards the character?

Because like......I just do not enjoy characters who constantly seem to be making digs at or undercutting their supposed friends or family, the way Stiles was with Scott from the very pilot. Its like yeah great, I can absolutely see and recognize all the times he was there for him and did in fact do good friendship type stuff, but the problem for me lies in the way fandom tends to make that TRANSACTIONAL with the stuff I had a problem with where its almost like, well, see, since Stiles tried so hard to save Scott in this one episode Motel California, he GETS to casually insult and demoralize him all the rest of the time, and holy shit no that’s not how that works, y’know? (Especially because Scott’s shitty self-esteem was the bad guy’s way in for almost killing him in Motel California, and gee what connection could there be between shitty self-esteem and constantly being belittled and talked down to by your literal best friend in the whole world BUT I DIGRESS).

And a lot of people over the years have been like, okay but friends tease each other and give each other shit all the time, are you saying they’re all bad for doing so? And no, I’m not, but the thing people tend to gloss over here is the key phrase “each other.”

Because its one thing when you have friendships like this. Its another thing when those friendships flow entirely one way in this specific regard.

When one character is not only ‘allowed to’ but almost EXPECTED to take pot shots at their friend at every available opportunity, but any single time the other friend does the same, no matter how playfully, its fixated upon as being mean and unfriendly, like...THAT is the problem.

And while I don’t have a specific single character that answers your question here in terms of Batfandom, the exact same phenomenon rears its head there and I holy hell object to that too, lol.

Like, we see it SO often with how Dick’s brothers are habitually characterized as mocking his relationship with Bruce, work ethic, standards, jobs, apartment, fashion choices, cooking, NAME......with it just taken for granted that there’s nothing wrong with them all calling him Dickhead or saying he’s ‘really lived up to his namesake’ practically once a fic, if not once a chapter......

And again, the common refrain is “well siblings are just like that?”

And they’re not actually, is the thing. I mean, I grew up with siblings too, and YES we gave each other shit all the time, but again its that exact same key phrase: EACH OTHER.

Like in comparison to the above, how often do people read fic where Dick casually insults his brothers every time he meets up with them, or makes snide, backhanded offensive references to their own parents or memories/reminders of them, or insults their standards not even as a point of specific conflict, but just as a casual, generic expression of contempt?

Its not a two-way street there either at ALL, and THAT’S the issue.

(Also similar to the example I outlined with Motel California, a lot of people write stuff about Dick having shitty self-esteem, but again like.....when you pair this as hand in hand with Dick regularly being insulted and talked down to by his own family, who never ever seem to have anything good to say to him or about him until AFTER he has some kind of breakdown, its like......where do you think shitty self-esteem so often comes from?)

Like, I’ve had people tag fic/drabble posts where I have Dick engaging in what to my estimation is the equivalent of gently teasing Jason or Tim.....and people tag these with “I feel funny about this because Dick seems kinda mean to his brothers here”.....and then nine out of ten times, if I go onto their blog, within a PAGE or two, I see some post where Jason and Tim are calling Dick a Dickhead or mocking his intelligence with NO sign of funny feelings from that person and its like......its not the criticism I mind, lol, its that uh, one of these things (standards of behavior applied to each character) are not like the others.

Because a lot of times when pressed on this subject, people will respond with “well it wouldn’t be in character/Dick or Scott are too nice for that to be their sense of humor” and again its just kinda glossed over that uh, this is basically a tacit admission that the characterization you’re going with for everyone else is ‘not that nice, actually.’ BUT any time people call this specific kind of behavior out when these characters do it, THEN the response is not “well yeah, you’re right, its not that nice actually,” its a defensive “well okay but that’s just how these characters are, are you saying they’re assholes?”

And its like well no, actually you basically were the ones who said they were assholes when you made this a core part of their characterization, and now you’re using this weird kinda circular logic to loophole your way out of them being actually held up and acknowledged as such WHEN they’re characterized this way. 

If these specific other characters never get to retaliate or return fire BECAUSE they’re too nice, then there should be no problem acknowledging that when the characters who DO engage in this behavior are actively engaging in it.....they’re being assholes, and no, its just how friends/siblings are is not actually a defensive/deviation from this if their targeted friend/sibling is never actually able to do the same without being held up specifically as stepping outside the territory of “being nice.”

Few things bug me more in terms of basic character interactions/dynamics then the tendency fandom has of building up certain characters as having free reign with how they treat other characters, while simultaneously limiting these other characters from any kind of equivalent spectrum of behavior by using their own positive traits AGAINST THEM.....but with fandom at the same time being willing to full on go to war in defense of the first kind of characters if anyone draws any kind of connecting dots between their examples of frankly asshole-ish behavior and the implication that they might, in fact, be not that awesome as a result.

Its this annoying sleight of hand wherein certain characters can do or say anything without it being a reflection on who they are character-wise, while other characters step the SLIGHTEST toe out of the line that fandom has drawn for their character and how they’re EXPECTED to behave at all times in order to avoid active criticism.....and this then absolutely is an indication of how they’re actually flawed and gross and even abusive, because of how not nice what they’re doing is, and if people want them to NOT be perceived that way, they need to go back to characterizing them or focusing their characterization of them on all the times/ways in which they just placidly accept whatever’s dished out without any kind of reciprocation.

So yeah, Stiles was always a big example of this for me, but it was far from limited to just him. Any time a fandom is like “these characters can make fun of this character or be super critical of them but this character is never ever allowed to do the same in return, that’s against the law,” I’m like yeah no, that’s a swing and a miss for me. Hard pass on those particular fandom faves....at least so long as their fandom fave status seems to go hand in hand with their ability to inflict maximum psychic damage upon their alleged loved one any time they’re feeling down or are just in a mood, all while facing zero consequences for it....even in the simple form of their targeted ‘loved one’ ever simply being like yeah I just choose to not want to be around you when you’re being assholes to me/if you’re going to just be an asshole to me.

[the-ice-sculpture]

Reflecting on the Loki show

Hurray – fewer instances of cringey humour in Episode 2 than Episode 1!

Shame about there not being a single scene in the entire episode in Episode 2 where Loki felt in character

If this wasn’t a Loki show, I’d probably be enjoying it at the same level as a casual viewer of any other TV show. The plot’s interesting with a different take on time travel that I’ve seen, and there are no boring moments. But I can’t get past the lack of MCU Loki here. I just... Ugh. It’s so frustrating. No other media could get away with the main character suddenly having a personality transplant, but because it’s Marvel people are... fine with it, for some reason?

I can live with the tone and plot being different to what I’d do with it if I’d had the choice. I’ve said multiple times in the past that just because the show probably won’t give me what I want from it doesn’t mean that the show can’t be good in its own right. But what I didn’t anticipate before any of the trailers started coming out was that the Loki here might not feel like MCU Loki at all. I can forgive a lot of things, but I just can’t wrap my head around the sheer number of people who must have given the green light to all the decisions made about his characterisation. Those kinds of things can’t just be blamed on one person, it’d be a combination of the writers, directors, actors, producers...

I never thought that Loki finally getting to be the main character on screen (how many years have I wanted that to happen? 7? 8?) would be the thing to cause me to have my first ever thoughts about quitting this fandom.

I’m not having fun. I’m used to being more than a bit disappointed. I even stayed in the fandom after Thor: Ragnarok came about without much complaining, despite not being a fan of a fair amount of elements in it. I even stayed after Infinity War and Endgame came out with very little complaining either, despite how many things there were that I didn’t like in them. I even rewatched Game of Thrones after being just as unsatisfied with how it was tied up as everyone else was, and I still love the first four seasons and some scenes from later on (yes, even including Season 8).

But I’m not used to being this level of disappointed. The past month I’ve gone from having 5 different Loki WIPs I wanted to write to suddenly not being sure if I want to finish any of them at all. I mean, at least two of them will be finished because they’re oneshots for an event and I’ve already done most of the work so I might as well, but the contrast with my motivation is huge.

I don’t want to leave this fandom. I still have things I (hypothetically) want to write. I have over 100,000 words of various unpublished Loki fanfics that I’ve been working on. I don’t want them to go to waste. I want to finish what I started. It’s not like the enthusiasm for the idea of the stories has gone, it’s just... I don’t know, the overarching disappointment and not having fun in a fandom space anymore? How strongly Loki is associated with me feeling bitter and miserable now? How the show and the experience outside of it is doing the opposite of inspiring me?

I don’t to be that person either. You know, the one who has an entire blog dedicated to moaning about something. The one who seems determined to interpret everything in the worst possible light, regardless of rationalism. The one who seems like they’d never be satisfied unless something was made 100% their way, and if it wasn’t then of course it’s Problematic and that’s why it’s Just Plain Bad, and it’s nothing to do with personal taste and a certain amount of projection. The one who starts getting positive reinforcement about hating something, so it becomes a habit and before they know it, it’s part of their daily routine, and they’re still regularly doing it years later. The one who goes on about how ‘if you’re a true fan of [x] and really understood [x], this would bother you’, or worse, starts making it personal with the real people involved in the creation of the show.

But the experience of not liking the show is a lonely one. There are other people who don’t agree on his characterisation either, I know. But when the vast majority of people who watch it seem not to find the changes in his entire character jarring? When people are going around saying that it’s not until now that the writers have finally understood Loki? When you get people acting like anyone who voices any criticism whatsoever is ridiculous and shouldn’t be in the fandom and behaves like they might catch the Taint of Negativity if they were to associate with them? When any criticisms are dismissed as ‘people who just want to hate the show’?

Believe me, I don’t want to hate the show. I’d love to be happy with the show. But I'm not. This Loki doesn’t feel like MCU Loki. The only time he did feel like himself to me was during the scene towards the end of Episode 1 where he was watching parts of his life on screen. That’s it. Over one and a half hours into the series so far, 1/3 of the entire show. Out of all that, only one scene.

And now every time I see people being happy about the show it makes me feel resentful. And, no, I’m not going to add anything negative to their posts or say anything to them. If the show is what it is and there’s no changing it then it’s better at least some people get to enjoy it rather than it bringing about universal misery. I don’t want to take away anyone else’s happiness. I just to feel happy too, but I don’t, and I’m painfully aware of it.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, I think I’m just venting. 

I don’t know what the solution is either. Space from fandom for a bit? I mean, I’ve been doing this a bit already recently (not full commitment, just more than usual), but I like being able to use tumblr as an escape. Unfollow people/leave Discord groups? But there are people who I’ve had plenty of positive interactions with, and I don’t want to lose those connections.

It’s really dumb, but I like my fandom corner. I like knowing that if I post a fic, there’ll be a certain small group of people who’ll probably read it, and a smaller chunk of those who’ll comment on it, even all these years later. And there are still so many stories I want to tell with Loki, so many things I haven’t done yet, but... 

Yeah, I don’t know if my motivation will come back or not (I’m leaning towards maybe not). Or how much the fandom will change as a result of the show. I’d expect a wave newcomers, but if a lot of new fics being written are largely based on the show characterisation (and if reader expectation of Loki’s characterisation lies with that too), then I have little to no interest in it.

Oh, and another thing to add to my list of things I don’t want to be: I don’t want to be that person who is all ‘I’ve been here longer and know better and am therefore more of a real fan than any of you new people’. So there’s that.

Ultimately, I think I’m eventually going to have to choose between staying and trying to squash/somehow extinguish any bitter feelings, or leaving. I don’t like either of those options very much. It might be premature of me to post this before the show has ended because my feelings might change, but, unsurprisingly, writing is a good way of processing feelings and I’ve been having a lot of them that need processing.

In case anyone’s actually read this obscene amount of rambling, I’m okay, I’m not, like, weeping over this as I write or anything. But it’s still not a great feeling to have a place that was once my favourite place for escapism and creativity to make me feel like I might not be welcome or like I might not want to be there. And it’s not like I can easily just switch over to another fandom to write for, because there are no other characters who have inspired me to write anywhere near much as Loki has. So, yes, I’m feeling a little sorry for myself. All over a fictional TV show. I repeat: it’s dumb.

#loki negativity #venting #personal #negative #my posts #not for reblogging

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Mary Ruth Keller

Mary Ruth Keller has 42 stories at Gossamer, plus her stories are at AO3. She's written a number of short standalone stories, but she's thought through the X-Files mythology and written about it probably as much as anybody ever has. So if you want to dive into the mythology and all its drama, you need to go read her mythology fics ASAP. (But read this long, interesting interview first!) Big thanks to Mary Ruth for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Quite frankly, yes. The Kuxan Sum Cycle branches off the actual series following the Third Season episode Syzygy. I took the myth-arc as it stood at that time, post Nisei-731, and the agents in mid-Rift. Although I didn’t quite realize it when I started out, I was most interested in moving the myth-arc forward in a continuously unfurling narrative, one where Scully and Mulder became an effective investigative team who support each other as partners and friends again. After I started writing in my little corner of the X-F universe in 1996, there was a lot of stuff on the show that just happened, with no real storytelling logic to it I could fathom, but that seemed to be popular. I stopped writing in 2000 because I was frantically busy at my new job (which consumed far too many twelve-plus-hour workdays and weekends) and because my sister and I were trying to take care of my elderly, increasingly frail, Mother. So, I never expected, when I started writing in 2018 and posting again in 2019 (I reposted all my stories, in order, to AO3 and fanfiction.net, because Chermera would never have made sense without them) for readers to take an interest in myth-arc and character issues that the series writers had simply abandoned to go chase, well, anything else, especially if it made no coherent sense whatsoever. What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

The fandom was a lot of fun. There were many interesting, engaging discussions I took part in with other fans of the show, some of whom I am still in touch with.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

All of the above. I spent a lot of time discussing writing and characters with other writers on ATXC, except when I was actively working on my novels. Since I was doing basic research into microwave remote sensing of the Earth while working at the Naval Research Laboratory at the time – yes, I was one of those dreaded Department of Defense scientists the show had a love/hate relationship with – my writing happened at night and on weekends. Novels, especially the longer ones, take me about a year from first words on disk until release, which meant I didn’t have all the time to participate on-line as I would have otherwise. But, I enjoyed chatting with the fellow denizens of the Endies Board, and on the EMXC, Scullyfic, and Je Souhaite mailing lists. I’ve saved some of those posts and conversation threads on my older computers, where it’s fun re-reading them from time to time. What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

There were a lot of generous, funny, very intelligent fans involved with X-F back then (not that there aren’t now; there are, of course). I started writing because I wanted to get the myth-arc and the characters back on-track, the long-term story moving forward and the agents again being the smart investigators I loved hanging out with on Friday nights. But, outside of having read a lot of myth, literature, fiction, and non-fiction, I didn’t know enough about the mechanics of writing fiction. Several authors were willing to help out, some explicitly through E-mail conversations, and some from general comments about crafting stories that were posted to ATXC. I had a real problem with how I initially handled dialog, which I had some E-mail guidance on, that was very much appreciated. I also had two quite diligent beta readers, one an on-line fan, and one a real-life friend, both male, who helped me with the direction of the Scully-Mulder half of Anath. I was, at the time, utterly exasperated with how the pair of them had become such complete morons on the series, both totally incapable of investigating anything successfully, which was affecting my writing the characters in that story.   What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show? Ooh, boy. I’d like to say I started watching with the show with the Pilot, but I didn’t, quite. Tom Shales was the Washington Post TV critic at the time the Pilot aired – yes, not only was I a government scientist, I was living in Alexandria, Virginia, in 1992. He was intrigued by the characters and premise and found Duchovny and Anderson engaging while playing their roles. At the time, I was wrapped up trying to work on a PhD while still employed at NRL, so I tucked the review away, waiting until I had Friday nights free to check it out. I’m a great lover of science fiction, so I thought to give the show a try, eventually. [Lilydale note: I found a couple things Tom Shales wrote about The X-Files premiere in 1993: Fall 1993 TV preview article and a “Pilot” episode review.]

The first episode I sat down to watch was the First Season Darkness Falls, where Mulder and Scully get trapped at the logging camp with the Earth Firster, Doug Spinney, the logging executive, Steve Humphries, the Forest Ranger, Larry Moore, and the gooey green bugs. I was amazed by that story. It was as perfect a little piece of science fiction as I have seen on TV (except for one bit toward the end), with an environmental moral to it as well, where all the characters make good and bad choices, and they all suffer or succeed because of them.

What hooked me, really hooked me, were the first/second acts, specifically, Dana Scully’s actions, once they find the desiccated logger in the tree. The investigation is handled logically, in that it’s not the big male agent who goes shinnying up the trunk to look at the evidence while everyone else stands around watching and wailing, “Whatever shall we do!” No, it’s little Dana Scully who takes the ride to the upper branches. This made oodles of sense, in that she was this tiny woman whom two men could lever up that far with a rope, a hand winch, and pulleys. When she gets there, after grimacing (who wouldn’t, considering what she saw), she starts investigating. She does an on-the-spot post-mortem exam, while Mulder makes an ooky male-body-parts joke, but everyone takes her results seriously. I was thrilled. Here was a female character I could really relate to, someone who could hold her own in a difficult situation, unlike most of those on the tube, then or now.

I made a point, over the following summer, of watching as many re-runs as I could, catching up on the episodes and characters. The stories ran to science fiction and horror, which are my preference. Further, although there was an emphasis on the paranormal, several of the first season episodes were written so both Mulder’s wanting-to-believe-but-needing-proof intuitive, emotional approach and Scully’s logical, scientific, justice-oriented viewpoint each got the narrative coherently from initial crime to identifying and apprehending a suspect. It was some spectacular, complex writing, and I was hooked, hopelessly hooked. I discuss this some on my old author web-page, which still exists, courtesy of the Wayback machine), so I won’t belabor it. What got you involved with X-Files fan-fic? The shenanigans within the Third Season, quite honestly. The myth-arc wasn’t moving forward, as it had during the Second Season, which I really couldn’t understand. Carter had given us this bang-up start in the ABC Trilogy with all these new fictional possibilities to explore, but instead, bupkis. The MOTW’s were retreads with no depth or moral/ethical weight to them, except for Darin’s stories. The intelligent agents I had enjoyed spending time with while they pursued their oddball investigations were evaporating before my eyes. Mulder had always been this deeply intuitive character who cared about others and knew he could get it wrong, so needed Scully’s logic in their investigations, even if he didn’t always want to hear her observations and questions. But that character was being replaced by a cookie-cutter misunderstood anti-hero, who wasn’t thinking, just running off to chase butterflies, who was always right because he was The Guy. Scully, as an investigator, the little agent who could, was simply being sidelined. Sure, she’d argue with Mulder, but the writers had stopped giving her and her logical viewpoint a real role in their cases, Darin excepted, again. As the series went on, the Agent and Doctor Dana Scully I respected was replaced with this snappish little female whose only notable skill was running in high heels, who spent her time standing around with her arms crossed, and made pruney faces at Mulder if she were required to do any actual investigating. I hated that character, but, apparently, the all-male writing staff just loved her.

I knew about the on-line fandom, so I thought to check out if anybody else had noticed these “improvements.” First, I spent time at ATXF, discussing the changes with the series, that disturbed a lot of folks, not just me. Eventually, I tripped onto ATXC. There were writers there who understood the two characters, quite well, but weren’t that interested in the other problems with the show that bothered me deeply.

Like many fan-fiction writers, I decided to try to bring in, or in my case, bring back, what I was missing in what was being aired. Sins of the Fathers was the result. As I mentioned above, it was a far from perfect story, but I learned much putting it together, and it got a lot of positive feedback. So I kept writing and trying to improve what I wrote. Folks appreciated it, then and now, surprisingly, which was endless encouragement to keep going. What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? With work and my Mom, as I mentioned above, I dropped out for a few years. My new job is still microwave remote sensing of the Earth, at a University-affiliated laboratory, not working directly for the government, but the NASA/NSF-type funding for the research I like to do is much harder to come by, so it takes up a lot more of my time to keep funded and working. Adding to that, I haven’t found places like ATXC in the 90’s or the Endies Board, but I suppose lightning only strikes once. Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Not really, no. I’ve enjoyed other TV series, but, I never felt those shows were just throwing away essential parts of themselves as X-F did, or, if they went bad, I simply stopped watching them. A fandom is, or can be, a huge time commitment, which, as I’ve noted, I don’t have that much of. I discuss this quite extensively in my author’s notes at the end of Chermera, so I won’t repeat myself. [Lilydale note: the long author notes are at the end of the story’s last chapter, not in the AO3 notes section.] Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

As a child, I loved reading myths and legends from many different cultures. So many amazing stories, so much that touches on truth. Greek myth, Norse legends, Islamic tales, Celtic fables, all of them. It goes without saying that discovering Tolkien’s fully-realized Middle Earth in my early teens was like falling into an river of endless delights.

In literature, perhaps the character I enjoy most is Sherlock Holmes. On television/in movies, I’d have to say: Beverly Crusher, (early) Dana Scully, Susan Ivanova of Babylon 5, Pa’u Zotoh Zhaan and (early) Aeryn Sun on Farscape, Samantha Carter on Stargate SG-1, Hermione Granger, and most recently, Lagertha on Vikings. Dunno, there might be a pattern there. Possibly. Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

Yes, absolutely. I started rewatching the series when it ran on BBC America, enjoying the first two seasons again. I’d actually never stopped thinking about Mulder and Scully; I just lost the time to write about them, until two years ago, when I managed to land some long-term funding so I wasn’t staying up nights writing proposals every few months. I’d have a thought about how to advance the story that became Chermera, so I’d make a mental note and play with it in my head. I also have two more novels and a satyr play left to go in the sequence of stories I want to write, so I’m turning over plot-lines and potential arcs in my head all the time. Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom? I do read X-F fan-fic. Since the series has wandered so far away from what engaged me, and most fan-fic keeps up with that, I don’t read very much. As far as other fandoms, one was enough. Do you have any favorite X-Files fan-fic stories or authors?

Reaching back into the dark ages, I’d say Pellinor and Nascent. They may both be available on Gossamer. [Lilydale note: Fortunately, they are!] What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise? Zurvan is the favorite of my older stories. It, like Twelfth Night (Denha on AO3 to avoid confusion with another X-F story named Twelfth Night), builds on the past stories in their trilogies and brings the overall arc to new places. It’s fun to uncover surprises when writing and develop challenges to address in the future, which both of those stories did. Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I’d certainly like to. I had planned to write three trilogies with their satyr plays, each of them focusing on an aspect of the mythical Triple Goddess: Maiden, Matron, and Crone, in the X-F universe. Only, being me, I turned it around. Sandra Ann Miller (Samantha) is the Maiden, but I’ve just started telling that part of the arc with the transitional Anath and the first trilogy story Chermera. I’m approaching this trilogy as a coherent tale spread across the three novels, which is different from the other two. The Caroline Lowenberg Trilogy didn’t really get organized until Twelfth Night. It was only the third story I’d ever written, so perhaps I can be excused. The Dana Scully Trilogy was all interconnected, but that was more of an organic, rather than a pre-planned and deliberate, effort. I didn’t really grasp the full arc of what I was creating there until I was writing Chermera and looked back over the threads running from Rustic Suite through Anath. The next story in the Sandra Ann Miller Trilogy involves the exposure of the Japanese arm of the Consortium, but, I need to read up on Japanese history, myths and legends, and world view before I write it. After finishing and posting Chermera, that’s what I’ve been doing. The conflict between Amaterasu, the Sun goddess, and her ne’er-do-well brother Susanoo-no-Mikoto, the god of, among other things, storms, marriage, and love, as told in the Kojiki and the Nihongi (both written down in their near-final forms at the same time as we in the West were just recording the first skeletal versions of the Arthurian Legends), will definitely get worked into the Sandra Ann Miller Trilogy. I’m starting to put the arcs and plot-lines together, but, I’m not ready to begin writing yet. Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work? As I’ve discussed, I do. Part of why I take my time is because Mulder and Scully are owed real, challenging cases to solve - the two intelligent agents with their own approaches, strengths, and weaknesses, remember. Partly, because I have original fiction ideas I’d like to pursue. Trying to do the best I possibly can in the sheltered world of X-F where I attempt to create stories with universal themes, well-realized settings, coherent plot-lines, and original characters who resonate with my readers is practice for the original fiction. I’ll never write the Great American Novel (whatever that is), but I’d like to write stories that are as good as I can make them and fun for my readers, so I keep plugging. Where do you get ideas for stories? Reading and thinking, mostly. I try to look for ideas that haven’t been done to death, or different approaches to old themes. I have four original novels I scribble mental notes on. After I bring this myth-arc I’ve been working on to its (to me) logical resolution, I hope I’ll be able enough of a writer to get started on them. What's the story behind your pen name? Actually, it’s my real name. At the time I started writing, I didn’t think to do anything else. On ATXC and Gossamer, I wrote several of the shorts that are separate from the Kuxan Sum Cycle under the pen name Lise Meitner. She was a Twentieth Century theoretical physicist who explained nuclear fission, then was cut out of a Nobel prize because the judges of her day thought Marie Curie and Irene Joliot-Curie were “enough” women physicists working in radioactivity to be so honored. [Lilydale note: here’s her Wikipedia page. Among many other fascinating things talked about there, she was nominated for the Nobel Prize 48 times in two different categories and had the 109th chemical element, meitnerium, named after her. She also escaped Nazi Germany in a plot involving trains, boats, planes, and an emergency diamond ring. You really ought to read about her.] Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

I’d shared the first five of my novels with my family back in 1996. They liked them, my sister especially. I’m not sure they knew what to make of them. I haven’t shown them to my in-laws, but, I think my sister-in-law found them on her own. We haven’t discussed them, as they aren’t her usual preference, which is Romance. One distant blood relation was thrilled to discover them on-line and wrote me about them. My sister, though, is my (self-admitted) biggest fan. When we were kids, she and I shared a bedroom, where I’d make up stories to tell her at night so she could fall asleep. She and I correspond regularly by E-mail (she’s in Florida and I’m in Maryland). Back while I was working my way through Chermera, she asked out of the blue if I was ever going to write any more. She was thrilled to hear I had been but she doesn’t have regular Internet access other than at her job. I made printed, bound copies of all my stories to mail to her last Christmas. She loves them, bless her. Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I’ve sent Chermera to Gossamer, but, it hasn’t been updated since July 2018. All the rest of the stories are there.

At AO3, my stories are under: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrkeller. The Kuxan Sum Cycle is linked together at: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1555492.

I’ve published the Lise Meitner stories under my own name there: Faustus Mulder; Late Night Thoughts on Evolution, Hard Times, and Lost Pets; You Just Don’t Understand; and Lux Perpetua. Since I could separate out the trilogies into their own cycle, it just made sense.

At fan-fiction.net, they’re under: https://www.fanfiction.net/~maryruthkeller

Again, the Lise Meitner stories are under my own name. Since fanfiction.net doesn’t have a linked series option like AO3, I’ve added a header to all eleven of the stories in the Kuxan Sum Cycle so far explaining the order. The novels all are tagged with thumbnail versions of the covers I made for them. Also, the literary quotes I started each chapter and begin and end each story with, are kept in the AO3 versions, but are removed at fanfiction.net to avoid potential copyright issues. Shakespeare, Christine de Pisan, the Popol Vuh, the Ugaritic myths around Anath, and others are all long out of, or never were in, copyright, of course, but, just to be on the safe side, I’m following fanfiction.net’s rules.

If folks care to write, I’m still at my old eclipse address: [email protected]. Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Enjoy it, use it as an opportunity to make connections and expand your horizons as a storyteller. Fan-fiction was much more of a home-grown effort back in the 90’s than it is now, when there are how-to books, of all things. But, don’t get so wrapped up one forgets about real life. That’s where all the best stories are.

(Posted by Lilydale on October 27, 2020)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #mary ruth keller