#obviously don't do this while social distancing but like. when it's safe again

[heycoyotegirl]

wait actually quasi-rewrite of paxton's s4 arc:

starting this off by saying that I do genuinely enjoy the "people don't like me? oh shit i have to leave immediately" plot point (slaps the top of paxton's head: this boy can fit so much adhd coding in him), though I think it should've been longer than two weeks (and maybe not Just social problems)

also I liked miss thompson and thought she and paxton were fine together, but daxton owns my heart and soul, so she's just living her best life being a sub at the school, completely unaware of paxton's existence

with that out of the way, alt paxton arc:

I think it would've been fun and sexy for there to have been some sort of swim team tryouts/meeting at ASU, where paxton could blow everyone's times out of the water (pun intended) and then have some of the people on the team dislike him specifically for the thing that made him super popular in high school, in addition to his roommate's total apathy, but that's an optional change

first major change is don't have him go straight to working at the school. I'd either have him get a job at a community pool or maybe work out some sort of deal with the coach to sometimes get access to the school pool (the latter is logistically harder, so I'll be going the community pool route for the rest of this)

as in canon, devi needs something athletic for her applications. she reaches out to paxton to ask, and he suggests the girls swim team (does their school even have a girls swim team? who knows, but I'm going to say that it exists and has openings) ((I also think it would be good for devi to do something she’s BAD at. we got a bit of that from the relay race, but it was overshadowed by her scheming re: aneesa. and that was a one-time event, compared to training to join an actual team and participate in competitions))

devi is obviously leery of the prospect but paxton reassures her that he'll be right there and wont let anything happen to her

insert fun reference to him pulling her out of the pool at ben's party and probably a joke about the role reversal from when devi tutored him

also a deeper discussion about how she became paralyzed in a pool and could've drowned (this is a show about processing and healing from trauma, so let them Talk About The Trauma. the emotional and narrative through-line of "devi loses feeling in her legs" -> "devi regains feeling in her legs because of paxton" -> "paxton rescues devi from a pool" -> "paxton helps her feel safe to swim again" do you see the Vision?)

paxton teaches her to swim again. there is a pool kiss, obviously.

and at this point we can bring eric in (preferably with less fatphobia). he's noticed that paxton has been giving devi private lessons and also wants private lessons. paxton isn't sure because, yes, he really liked helping devi, but well, he lov really likes devi. also eric is annoying

devi encourages him to give it a shot, since he's a really good teacher (aka fun parallel of them both encouraging each other and pushing each other to be their best)

like canon, paxton teaches eric and realizes, oh shit, he might actually like teaching. like, in general and not just teaching devi specifically

the coach sees how he successfully trained eric and then tells paxton about the job opening, which segues into Daxton Drama (do they breakup so he can take this job? do they try to hide their relationship while paxton works at the school, and does that bring up old insecurities for devi, or has she gotten past those? does he turn down the job and go back to school right away? and in that case do they try long distance?)

#if paxton does end up working at the school I'd probably cut the partying subplot because it felt kind of ooc to me #tho idk that could just be because i havent watched the earlier seasons in a while #he could still have beef with a high schooler because that's always funny #daxton #paxton hall yoshida #nhie #nhie s4 #nhie s4 spoilers #nhie spoilers #never have i ever #devi vishwakumar #paxton h y #my post #my writing #my fic #not really but im throwing it in that tag anyway

[hologramcowboy]

In response to the double standard anon, that's not true. And just to clarify, I'm not an AA or a Danneel stan. I could care less about either one to be honest nor do I want to hate on one or defend the other in any way, but I feel like I need to speak on this to show how that point of double standards is incorrect. I don't know if I consider myself an anti, but I definitely am a part of the 'critical' crowd all around.

I have two instances that I think are worse than my alleged husband waving at Hooters' waitresses, where I absolutely would have lost my crap in this type of scenario if I were married to Jensen myself. Or if this had say happened with Jared and I was in Gen's position. Or with whoever I was married to, celebrity and non-celebrity alike.

One, the Liv Likar thing. Whether people agree or disagree with me, it doesn't matter. What happened with her was disrespectful. Not the whole noncon thing AA's like to claim (puh-leeze, if he had truly been uncomfortable, he would have politely or not so politely pulled away). No, because the man is married, this girl just met him, she knows he's married, she asks for a picture as a fan which should mean there are automatic boundaries in place due to the dynamic/context (again he's also married and that's public knowledge), and then she purposely kisses his cheek in an area that had he turned less than a quarter inch towards her say not knowing what she was about to do, her lips would have connected with his or at the very least touched the corner of his mouth. (for doubters, watch that video again, she even purposely makes the kissing sound which isn't necessary for the action she's doing) And regardless of however she acted, he knows better and I would hold him fully accountable. If my husband had done that when I wasn't around and then liked the post she made on social media on top of it (especially when he doesn't really interact with fans on SM all that much) and saw that same girl agreeing with a comment someone made on her post saying my husband has more chemistry in a photo with her more than he does me, I promise you anon, that wouldn't fly with me. At all. I don't care if he was surprised by her actions or he was playing fully to the public persona he represents or what. Not. Cool.

Secondly, there is one photo op that has circulated out there with that girl named Abichristine -whatever her name is- that imho is also disrespectful. It's pre-pandemic and she is sitting on Jensen's knee and she's lifting his chin with her finger as he looks up at her I think it is. His hand is resting on her bare upper thigh, granted right above the knee and they keep a respectable distance for her requested pose and his other hand is in a safe area, but his other hand could have been on her knee if needed for balance or the pose or whatever but it's not. While this, to me, is a little less disrespectful than the one I mentioned above, I still wouldn't be okay with it. Especially knowing that this girl is present at every single convention, taking photo ops with him, and is always present as much as possible at every social event Jensen and I would attend, especially in our hometown. I might not be as humiliated or pissed off as I would be above (it is only a photo op after all) but still I would turn to my husband and go "wtf is that? Why is your hand there?" Especially considering that it's obvious that she's one of those "superfans" and is around him every chance she gets. Again, I would hold him fully accountable because he should know better and he obviously has total control over what poses he allows to be done in his photo ops.

And it should be mentioned that both of these happened in the public eye, not just in front of their families or friends or co-workers, and while she wasn't even there. (imagine how much worse the demeaning would have been if she had been)

I just rolled my eyes at the photo op thing when it happened but when the Liv thing happened, you can bet I was very vocal on how wrong Jensen was for that one. His wife may suck as a person (she does, again see the hooters video) and he may not be in a happy marriage (he's obviously not) but if you want to talk about respect and double standards and all of that crap, trust me, Jensen is no saint either. And a lot of people in this crowd, including this blog, have no problem saying that and have, often. (see this blog's posts on how Jensen and Danneel met & what happened with Riley for instance, Danneel isn't the only one that is stated as being wrong in that scenario, the blame is placed on both parties equally so your double standards theory goes right out the window)

Here's the thing, if I was married to Jensen or whoever, you would never see me handling it on a drunken livestream number one, and you would never see me being abusive towards him. An argument might ensue, sure, but I wouldn't demean him. I wouldn't feel the urge to point out that these attractive women might not have wanted to talk to him, whether to him himself or to the people around us. I would instead handle it between him and I, most likely when we're sober. If I needed to talk to my girlfriends because I was upset, I would do it another time. I know everyone is different and would handle this in their own ways but I myself would lock that shit down as tightly as I could and then deal with it with him in private. I might not be able to go about hunky dory the rest of the night until I dealt with it but I also wouldn't make it everyone else's problem either. No one should have their night ruined just because my husband might be an inconsiderate asshole at times. But I also would keep in mind that he's been drinking, all he did was wave, and while it might be embarrassing, hey it's not like the two examples above. But, if it had embarrassed me like it did Danneel, then that's how I would personally go about it.

Because if you yell at him and tell him "omg stop looking at them! I'm right here!" then it causes a scene, you look mad jealous and it might come off as you trying to be controlling (not that you care about your image in that instance unless you are public figures but it also invites everyone else into something that should be discussed between the two of you), and it's not going to accomplish what you really want: letting him know how much that embarrassed you, how much it might have hurt, and for him to hopefully be more considerate in the future. So now imagine what Danneel said in this video and what it accomplishes (which also shows her actual intentions). What is the purpose for it? Simple: to demean him, to save face in front of their friends, and to make herself feel better by putting him down because she is embarrassed and jealous (evidenced by "none of the girls in Hooters would wave to Jensen" said to her friends laughingly after the situation passed & then her shirking his hand off of her later on and telling him to stop, then acting annoyed to her girlfriends). Which anon, her comments are indeed abusive, bullying at the very least. Which again, bullying is abusive. Google it if you need to. It's time all of society was schooled on what actually constitutes as abuse and how our attitudes towards it need to change.

I hope I don't come across rudely here, that's not my intention, but I can't stand that whole double standards/misogyny claim especially when it's baseless and incorrect (like here on this blog for example) and total bullshit as a whole because people dare to call a woman out for her abusive behavior for the right reasons, not because her husband is "hot" or whatever. There's way worse shit he could have done than drunkenly waving to waitresses, and it still wouldn't justify what Danneel said to him and about him. Had Danneel been in his position and did the same thing like you claim, and he said those things to her and about her, I promise you no one here would have a problem calling him out about that type of abusive behavior.

"It's time all of society was schooled on what actually constitutes as abuse and how our attitudes towards it need to change." Especially since a lot of people take abuse without knowing it qualifies as that and then they blame themselves thinking they are not enough instead of realizing they are being gaslighted, emotionally abused, etc. Jensen needs exames of healthy, thriving relationships so he can learn the difference and realize his marriage is far from ideal. He needs to stop advertising his home life because it comes across as extremely toxic and I don't think he realizes that. I think to him that's all normal because he doesn't know what a healthy relationship is like.

#anti danneel

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

I highly recommend inviting your friends to do randomly romantic & weird fun stuff. Invite them to a picnic at the park and show up with a kite. Throw tea parties with tiny finger sandwiches. Have a Crafts Day where everyone gets to decorate their own hats/accessories/teacups for future tea parties. Encourage shenanigans & surprises! Host a Costume Movie Night but put a different theme on each invitation (formal wear, pajamas, last year's halloween costume)! Drink sparkling juice out of champagne glasses during a Board Game Night where the winners have to speak in a character accent for the rest of the evening. Infinite possibilities, but it's your job to manifest them!

If you want a fun weird friend group, first you must encourage fun weirdness!!! Cultivate the garden you want to live in.

#obviously don't do this while social distancing but like. when it's safe again #gaudy quotes #i highly encouraging giving yourself and your friends plenty of opportunities to dress up #no reason to wear your favorite ballgown or tuxedo or pikachu onesie or the cosplay you worked so hard on? invent a reason! #and share it with your friends #who cares? social conventions are an oppressive tool of the bourgeoisie. go ahead and invent your own

[iplaymatchmaker]

Hi there, me again, if I read the rules correctlyyou said we could do a separate ask for a separate game. If I read incorrectlyplease just ignore this, if not if my first ask wasn't to much I'd love to ask for an ikerev matchup as well! I'm bi, female (she/her) sagittarius sun, virgo rising, libra moon, ENFT. I'm 5'2, chubby/curvy w/ great boobs, I have longer  brunette hair w/ peekaboo highlights (they've been every color, but currently pink), brown eyes, glasses/contacts, 7 piercings & 26 tattoos. I'm very empathetic (sometimes to a fault) and have sever anxiety and depression. It takes me awhile to warm up around new people and be myself. I often feel intimidated in big social settings, such as parties, and often use alcohol for some liquid courage to help me let loose and be me in those situations. I've suffered some emotional and mental abuse at the hands of a step parent which has left me with some trauma and triggers; people raising their voice at me or making quick movements toward me or in my direction usually result in me crying and secluding myself for awhile. Oh and I have daddy issues, thanks absent father. That said I also don't do great with authority, I hate being told what to do, and I hate being told no. I can put up with a lot of shit, but eventually it usually becomes a 'straw that broke the camels back' situation and I fly off the handle and then break down. I am also extremely generous and do all I can to help my friends and family when they need it. I have some self confidence issues from weight gain, and I usually feel my best when I'm dolled up with my makeup on and hair done, usually with a dress and heels. I'm a Ravenclaw thats hates to read, but I love learning & know tons of trivia; like I know so many random facts about so many things from history, to movies, to graveyards, and much more. I often correct people on things, which some perceive as me belittling them, but its never my intention I'm just trying to share my knowledge and trying to help them. I am very creative I love crafting; resin art, macrame, cross stich, those are just some of my favorite things to do art wise, I also enjoy coloring books. I love to laugh and think I'm pretty funny, I usually have a dark sense of humor, if you don't like humor we won't vibe together, and if you can't make me laugh we will not be a good relationship match. I like to go to the bar and do karaoke, it's one thing I've learned I'mvery good at. It took me about 2 years, but I've since learned to be confident with my singing and now its one of my favorite things to do. I drink, obviously, gin and tonic is my favorite. I also smoke, I love my hookah, and I've had my medical card for about a year and it's done wonders for my insomnia and cramps. For about 2 years I've been getting severe cramps and stomach pains, and after 5 er trips in a month they didn't find anything, its still a mystery but at least the bud helps the pain. l'm very into the witchy aesthetic; my style is either very Stevie Nicks, pinup, or 2009 emo/scene depending on the day. I collect animal skulls and bone, taxidermy, crystals, and plants; I also practice the craft & love to make spell jars for people. I love tarot and really enjoy doing it. I live for Halloween & enjoy all things macabre! My favorite show is That 70's Show and if I could live in a replica of the Forman's house that would be my dream. I am also very sex positive and rather adventurous in bed. I'm a brat and a voyeur, I'll get down with just about anything. My love language is giving and receiving gifts. I put alot of thought into holidays like Christmas, I plan months in advance to make sure I get everyone the perfect gift; but I also will sometimes see something that just reminds me of someone and have to get it for them. That is all I can think of right now to add about myself. I'd love 4 and/or 10 for the prompt part. And again thank you for doing these, I'm such a ho for them, and again I'm sorry its long.

I match you with

Edgar!

Thank you so much for requesting 🥰🥰! I’m sorry this took so long, but here it is! I hope you enjoy it ❤️! I Hope you don’t mind the sprinkle of angst in the second ask.😅

I was thinking Ray at first, but I ended up going with Mr smooth, since Ray is too predictable after Nap.

Edgar is known among the red army officers as the person who will make you feel safe, especially during your first encounters with them, before you find out they’re all dorks.  What he doesn’t expect is how at home he feels when the two of you are together. He never feels like he’s being judged when he’s around you and he lets himself go, despite the indoctrination by Claudius that he should always keep people at a distance to avoid being viewed as weak.

Not long after the two of you met, he decides to take you out along with Kyle for a drink, to help you get more accustomed to Cradle and its people. When you realize how much Kyle loves to drink, you follow suite, the two of you very quickly getting tipsy. Edgar laughs at the two of you for a bit, happy to see a new side of you as you allow yourself to grow more comfortable with them. Eventually he leads the two of you outside of the pub and arranges for a carriage to take you all back to headquarters, trying his hardest to tame the both of you.

He absolutely loves it when you sing to him, especially after a particularly hard day of work. He relaxes at the sound of your voice, often drifting off. It touches him more than he would like to admit when he finds you’re still there when he wakes up.

You are a light in his life and he wants to give back in kind, often dedicating his days off entirely to you. He loves giving you gifts, or surprising you with a romantic dinner to show his appreciation to you, for being there and understanding him.

While he doesn’t have the creativity to participate in most of your hobbies, he loves to watch you do it. The amount of passion you show for your art, the way your eyes light up when you’re working, is a picture perfect moment that he could look at for hours.

Prompt 4: Meet cute:

You couldn’t stop fidgeting as you stood outside the Red Army Headquarters, waiting for Kyle to fetch someone to help you. After you told him about burglars breaking into your house he insisted he get one of the officers to help you, despite you doubts. It was hard not to worry as you considered the prospect of having to turn to Jonah for help, knowing how hard he could be to communicate with, capable officer or not.  

When Kyle finally emerged, it wasn’t Jonah walking next to him, but a man you didn’t recognize.  

“Sorry for the wait. He’s not easy to find.” The man stood a few heads higher than you but his softer features and aura helped to make him quite welcoming. You begun to relax at his presence, wondering if he was as smooth as he seemed.

“Edgar Bright, at your service.” He offered you a gloved hand, a soft smile playing on his lips. His grip was soft but secure. He was smooth.

“Kyle filled me on the details but I’ll need a statement from you as well.” You tensed up, the idea of an interrogation being especially daunting considering you didn’t know much more than they did.

“No need to worry, it’s simply protocol. You can trust we will find whoever did this without any turbulence.” There was something very reassuring about him. Something that makes you think everything will be all right.

“Thank you.”

 The two of you left Kyle behind, retreating to Edar’s room to discuss the details of the investigation. After he poured two cups of tea he took the seat opposite you, as if the two of you were about to chat about the weather.

“Could you give me the details of what happened? It would be very helpful to hear it straight from the source.” You took a sip before starting with your statement, hoping to calm your nerves.

“I don’t know much more than you do. I was out for work most of the day and when I came back the place was a mess and many valuables were missing.” he seemed to have switched to work mode, completely focused on you.

“What time did you leave for work that day? And when did you return” he scribbled down on a piece of paper, his hand practically moving on its own.

“I left around 8 and came back around 6, I think.” When he put the pen down his attitude returned to relaxed gentleman status.

“I will start with asking the people who might have been present at the scene. I’ll get back to you once I’ve made some progress.” The conversation was over but you found it hard to leave. It didn’t feel right letting one man do the investigation on his own, despite it being his job. It was your house that had been rambled after all.

“I want to help as well. I know my way around the area, I can get in touch with some people.” His eyes widened, seemingly taken aback for the first time that day. He quickly composed himself, smiling again. You noticed something different about it now. Something in his expression told you he was more interested than before.

“I wouldn’t say no to a lady.” You smiled for the first time after the incident.

“Let’s get going then.”

 Prompt 10: Admission Of Feelings.

You continued working on the investigation for the next few weeks, the two of you growing closer by the day.

“There don’t seem to be any witnesses, but it’s unlikely no one was present. The break in happened in the middle of the day.” He rested his head on his chin, not touching the parfait sitting in front of him.

“Maybe they were there but didn’t notice anything. It’s not hard for a professional to pick a lock discreetly.” They two of you sat in silence for some time, both lost in your own theories of what happened that day.

He must have realized your worries, turning on his comfort face.

“We’ll find them. Don’t worry.” Usually you found his words comforting, but you couldn’t keep the frustration from your voice when you looked up at him.

“Realistically speaking, it’s probably not going to happen. They made a clean escape and left nothing behind. You don’t need to baby me, I can put two and two together.” Despite the harshness of your tone, you found him smiling, after the initial surprise wore off.

“You never cease to amaze me.” He opened his mouth to say something, but the words never left him, his eyes turning to the window. He was up and out of the café before you could ask what he had seen.

“What the-“when you looked in the direction of the culprit, you shot up, following after him.  

A man stood outside your door, seemingly fighting with the door. When he noticed the two of you approaching him, he dropped his bags, taking off before you could reach him.

“Stop!” Edgar run after him, his speed taking you by surprise, making it hard to catch up.

The man took a sudden turn, heading towards the narrow alleys of Central Quarter, giving you an important disadvantage in the chase.

Your legs ached and your heart was threatening to burst out of your chest. When you thought you couldn’t keep going, you rounded a corner to find Edgar, sitting on top of the man, pinning him in place. If he was tired from the chase, it didn’t show.

“I suppose I don’t need to ask if it was you who broke in a few weeks ago?” his gaze was cold and his grip was tight on the man’s shoulders.

“I- I just- I-it wasn’t me!” Edgar ignored him, turning towards you. Something flickered in his eyes, but loud footsteps coming your way didn’t let him act on whatever it was.

“The Jack? Sir, what happened? We heard the commotion and came to investigate.” A handful of Red Army soldiers stood in front of you, their eyes switching between Edgar and the man under him.  

“Take this man back to headquarters. I will interrogate him later.” Edgar pulled the man up, pinning his hands behind his back.

“Yes sir!” when the men led the thief away there was silence. Edgar’ kept his head low, not looking you in the eye as he tried to calm his breathing, the adrenaline of the chase slowly fading away. You knew you should be happy the man had been caught, but something was wrong in the atmosphere. You weren’t sure if you should speak up, or let him ride whatever it was out. He didn’t give you time to think on it, finally walking toward you. His hands were shaking when he reached out to touch your shoulders, a mixture of frustration and worry in his eyes.

“You…. Why…” you weren’t sure what to say, so you put your arms around him instead, hoping it would offer him some comfort. You stayed like that for some time, until his hands stopped shaking.

“I didn’t want you to see me like this.” His words were muffled by the fabric of your shirt. When he lifted his head again, something inside him seemed to snap.

“You shouldn’t have followed me. What if something happened? You could have gotten hurt.” He looked away, his eyes shut tight. You wondered what image was going through his head to cause him so much pain. You cupped his face, forcing him to face you.

“Edgar, look at me.” And he did. The sight of you seemed to calm him down.

“Nothing’s going to happen to me. I’m right here.” It took some time for the words to register, but when they did his face moved closer to you. You encouraged him, pulling him closer, your lips connected in a brief kiss. When he pulled away he took a step back, as if scared he had hurt you.

“I-I’m sorry.” You moved closer, smiling up at him.

“There’s nothing to apologize for. Except maybe pulling away.” You laughed. When he realized you might feel the same way he took your hands in his.

“You’re an amazing woman.” He paused to gather his breath before meeting your gaze again.

“If the thought wouldn’t be appalling, could I see more of you, outside of work?” you couldn’t keep the laughter inside.

“Appalling? Edgar, do you think I would kiss someone I find appalling?” you pulled him back in, hoping to get your point across.

“I’ll never get enough of this.” His smile was brighter than you’d ever seen it.

“I’ll hold you to that. Because we’re just getting started.” The moon was bright above you as you laughed, your happiness overflowing.

#ikerev #ikerev edgar #ikerev matchups

[missmentelle]

Hi! I was reading your blog and I noticed that you and your partner are currently separated due to COVID-19. I am in a similar situation: I live in the US and my boyfriend lives in Europe, and we don't know when we will see each other again because borders are closed and neither of us can legally cross either border right now. I am having an incredibly hard time dealing with this uncertainty, and it is making me very anxious and depressed. Do you have any advice on how to cope with this?

(continuation of last ask) my boyfriend and I do talk every day via Whatsapp, which I'm grateful for, but I'm deeply struggling with not knowing when I will see him next and when we'll be able to start a life together. Thank you for all of the great information you provide on this blog, and I'm sorry to hear about what happened in Canada. ♥

Honestly, this is something that I’m struggling with too, and I think it’s uncharted territory for a lot of couples in our situation. My boyfriend and I have been long-distance for a period of time before while I waited for a US visa to come through, but we had a definite end date in that situation - not knowing whether it’ll be May, October or April 2021 before I see him again has been extremely difficult for both of us, and I think we’re mostly just trying to do the best we can. 

There are a couple things that I have found helpful, however, for making this indefinite long-distance more tolerable, and they might be helpful for you:

Planning for the future together. Obviously we don’t know the timeline of this pandemic, but we do know that it will end someday, and planning for post-pandemic life can help both of us to look forward to the future, rather than seeing the future as a source of dread. As an international couple that wants to live together, we know that marriage is not really optional for us - especially if we want to settle in the USA - and talking about our plans for engagement, marriage and settling in together helps both of us stay positive, and it makes sure that we are both on the same page about what we want for this relationship. If you’re not at the stage yet where you’re talking about marriage, discussing trips you want to take together or things you want to do together after the pandemic is over can also help you to find things to look forward to. 

Playing online games together. My boyfriend and I are both on Steam, and we have a small collection of multiplayer games that we can play together online. Having video games in common is helpful because it gives us something to talk about that isn’t connected to the pandemic or lockdown. There are a lot of fun, low-key two-player games that you can get even if you are new to gaming (things like “Overcooked” are great), and exploring a new hobby together can be a fun distraction. If you really just can’t get into gaming together, finding any kind of new project or hobby you can do together will work - you could start a podcast or webcomic together, learn a new language together, try new recipes together to see whose turns out better, etc. Have things in your lives that make you feel engaged with each other and give you things to talk about other than “we don’t know when we will see each other again”. 

Having “dates”. My boyfriend and I schedule times each week to have video calls with each other, or to have “movie dates” where we watch the same show on Netflix with a “Watch Party” program. Chatting back and forth on WhatsApp all day is great, but blocking out actual time to dedicate to one another with no other distractions helps us to still feel like we are an active part of each other’s lives, and makes both of us feel more engaged in the relationship. 

Talking openly about worries and insecurities. If you are worried that the time spent apart will affect the relationship or if you’re struggling with worries about the future, tell your partner that. The two of you are in this together, and it’s easier to work through insecurities together. If you need some reassurance or comfort, tell your boyfriend - there’s a good chance that he is struggling with the same things, and just knowing that the other person is on the same page can make it easier to face this uncertain situation.

Limiting exposure to the news and time spent discussing the pandemic. It’s important to be informed and to be aware of changes in public health guidelines, but consuming pandemic-related news 24/7 is not healthy. Watching people speculate about how bad the pandemic is going to get isn’t helpful if you are already having a hard time with anxiety about the situation. Try to limit the time you spend talking about the pandemic or learning about the pandemic to only what you need in order to stay informed - otherwise, try to limit your media diet, and spend more time focusing on other topics.

Taking care of our individual health as best we can. It’s hard to manage your anxiety and cope with an uncertain situation if your general mental health and self-upkeep are lacking. There are a lot of things going on right now that could really impact a person’s mental health - isolation, uncertainty, scary news, money problems, etc. It’s important to put more of a conscious effort into maintaining good mental health than you would under normal circumstances. Keep in touch with friends and family online or on the phone. If you can safely go for walks or get outside while maintaining social distancing, try to do that. Try to keep to a somewhat regular schedule, and eat actual meals rather than grazing throughout the day. If you are an essential worker, take care to protect yourself and communicate with your supervisor if you are struggling. Try to find a hobby or activity that takes your mind off of things. Access mental health resources if you need to - many areas have now set up free hotlines for people in need. Take extra-good care of yourself. 

This pandemic may seem huge and daunting now, but it will end someday. We will be back in our partners’ arms and life will return to some semblance of normal. And until that day comes, we will do our best to not just endure our lives in lockdown, but to try to enjoy them as best we can while we look toward the future.  Best of luck to you! Miss Mentelle

#Anonymous

[halfasleepoetry]

I'd LOVE to read more Archer x Rogerina!!❤ Don't have any specific requests so maybe just something from one of the prompts you have? And I agree, I don't care what Joe's in as long as I get to see more from him!!!

Omg thank you for asking for Archer x Rogerina because I do have something to share that I couldn’t quite fit into the ongoing narrative! So this is not based on a prompt, but since Trip The Light Fantastic is told in Ben’s POV, as I was working on Joe’s character, I wrote his version of that night. And here it is:

I catch you looking back at me, looking through a cloud of steam

Archer x Rogerina AU, Joe’s POV

Right before senior year began, Joe had just broken up with his then-girlfriend who was cheating on him with a mutual friend for almost as long as they were together. That was enough to put him off any kind of relationships for a while. Besides, he thought he’d give being completely and truly single, a try. He kind of miss the sex and occasional cuddling, not that he’s particularly the cuddling type, but it’s nice to have a warm someone in bed and not wake up cold and alone sometimes. But to compare that with the kind of serenity and peace he has now and the headaches he saved, he’d rather keep being single, thank you. He has more time than ever now to read and write and drive by himself, and he has even started dancing regularly again.

And then there’s the Halloween party at the Maleks’. It’s the kind of party that all seniors go to, many juniors get invited to, and selected few sophomores could get in by miracle, and freshman could only dream of going. Maybe next year, or the year after. The host of such a party is always that one kid in the senior year who is filthy rich and you’re lucky if he isn’t an asshole who also buys his way through college. Well Joe sure is lucky. That kid, or those kids, because there are two of them, are his childhood best friends, Rami and Sami, whose father is a rich Egyptian-American business tycoon who moved to New York and built himself a business empire working closely with the Arabs and their oil in the 80s. 

It was last year that Rami told him he has his eyes on a certain London girl who is majoring in arts together with Joe, who is in her sophomore year. Her name is Lucy. Of course Joe knows her. Joe knows everyone. It comes with being occasionally recognized as that kid from Jurassic Park, and every time one of his professors brought up the fact we have someone in the class who is here on the personal recommendation of Steven Spielberg, he would slowly slide down his seat a little, hoping the remark would remain just a remark, and it would be forgotten by the end of the class. Sometimes it works exactly like how he wants it to be, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, it earns him a reputation that he plays down and many friends, no, a large group of people he socializes with regularly. So he is some kind of a popular kid too, although a somewhat reluctant one. 

The Maleks’ mansion is pretty much his second home, and he was in his element that night, having accepted Lucy’s dare to show up in a girl’s character costume, and she even volunteered to do his make up, on one condition; no glitter involved. She did manage to put on something metallic-hued on his eyelids though, because he looked in the mirror and his eyes sparkled subtly whenever he blinks. Lucy had shrugged it off and told him, it wouldn’t be too noticeable, the house would be dim and there would be light strobes instead of actual lighting.

Lucy smiled up at him as she gave his make up, her handiwork, its last touch. “My goodness, you’re beautiful,” she marvelled. “Don’t make me change my mind, Luce,” he warned her. “No, don’t!” Lucy protested hurriedly. “No, no, no. Now let’s go.” But not before she stopped one last time to take a selfie with Joe, no, the Archer.

His Archer costume was a hit, apparently. But he made it very clear that he’s there just to enjoy the company of himself. And dance like mad, which was great because he had gotten back at it and been practicing for a while now. And that’s when he saw Rogerina. One sulky Rogerina who was drinking beer alone and trying not to look like he’s staring when he pretty obviously was doing exactly that. Joe thought that they look kind of wildly different, him and Rogerina who has a more muscular build and moody-boyish look. He even stood with his legs apart, chugging his beer with one hand on his hip, not even trying to appear feminine. But even across the room, Joe could feel his eyes on him, and they’re crazy-intense. He didn’t even know how to describe it, but he had never been stared at like that since he was five and sitting in an audition for Stanley Kubrick. 

He thought about it, but Rogerina obviously isn’t one of the people he knows, because he knows everyone here. Almost. Let’s find out who you are, Rogerina, he thought as one of his favourite songs came on, and he danced to it with an added flair, his moves all smooth and pronounced. Rogerina kept staring even as he made his way to Rami and Lucy. Lucy asked him if he’s murdering people on the dancefloor, and he just laughed it off. He headed to the kitchen to retrieve some rum he knew is kept somewhere safe and away from casual partygoers, half-hoping Rogerina would follow him there. And he wasn’t disappointed. Well he had to talk with Chace first, and the first thing Chace said to him was, “Hey there gorgeous.” 

“Asshole.” He laughed him off, because he knew Chace well. He’s always trying to get into someone’s pants, gorgeous girls or boys alike. They’ve fooled around before, but decided it’s better to remain friends as they are now. They talked shop and laughed, but from the corner of his eyes he could see Rogerina approaching the kitchen. He had never wanted a friend to disappear so fast before. And he’s glad when Chace decided to go looking for pretty girls at the pool.

The masked hesitation he could sense in Rogerina’s voice as he said hi to him was cute, to say the least. When was the last time he had been chased after like this? He was so determined too. He told him he came looking for a light for his cigarette. Classic excuse. He has a deep voice, British accent, and a very boyish smile. Definitely not a senior, maybe not even from the same department. He’d have remembered someone like him. Joe found himself looking into green eyes as Rogerina stepped closer to him to light up his cigarette from the mini kitchen lighter he was holding. He smelled nice, with a faint hint of aftershave. He wondered if he’d taste like beer and cigarette and something entirely different or surprising.

Mint, Joe thought later as they began kissing and he’s savouring the blonde’s lips. The cigarette he lit up earlier must be his first, as the taste was very faint, and it soon disappeared. The bitterness of malt and mint on his tongue fits right in with the Coke and rum sweetness on his own. 

Rogerina kissed him like he meant it, like the persistence by which he went after him to the kitchen, which found him pressing the sides of his knees on Rogerina’s hips, and that’s when he found the lighter innocently tucked in the side pocket of his skirt. He wasn’t even surprised, but he was absolutely delighted at the thought of this green-eyed British boy going after him and cooking up a lie to flirt with him. Makes him want to give him exactly what he wanted, and set him on fire while doing so. So he kissed him deeper, tongue all the way in, a hand in hair and another on his back, gripping him through the white shirt. He pushed himself forward and closer, so Rogerina could touch more of his exposed thigh. There’s growing heat at the base of his guts, and he slid even closer to give friction to it, and that’s when he realized they’re both hard.

Holy shit, he thought, and almost immediately wanted, no, needed more of this delicious friction. They’re separated by layers of fabrics, but fuck if this doesn’t feel so good, kissing a boy indecently in an open space, pushing and rubbing against each other fully clothed while the sound of the party droned on in the near distance. There’s no way this would not look exactly like what it was, and the thought of anyone potentially walking in on them is an incredible turn-on.

But Joe did pull away from Rogerina, mainly because he did not actually want anyone to walk in on them, and he needed to at least get a name. “Ben,” he told him in between breaths, eyes still transfixed on his lips. He looked like he was dazed and drunk, or somewhere in between. They were kissing again in no time, and when Joe deliberately pushed himself against Ben as he slid down the kitchen counter, they both moaned loudly into the kiss, and he almost lost his mind a little. They’re fast becoming like magnets, one gravitating to the other as soon as they pull away. He wanted to get his hands everywhere on Ben, wanted to touch him, kiss him, make him moan his name. They were strangers barely ten minutes ago, it’s so fucking insane, but there’s nothing else he’d want more right now than this green-eyed Brit in Rogerina costume. But not just yet.

So he smiled sweetly to him when he asked him nicely if he’d want to get out of the party with him, and he thought there’s no way he’d say no to that. They were kissing slower now, heartbeat calmer, desire kept in check. He held his hand close, making sure he wouldn’t change his mind. Something’s telling him he needed to do this right. This isn’t just a party hook-up, a fooling around kind of fun.

That same something’s also telling him he’s hooked, and it felt headier and sweeter than anything he’d drank tonight.

So when they did get out of the party, not before he caught Rami for the barest seconds to say goodbye, surprisingly without Lucy by his side, he decided they’re not going immediately to his place. He still has Ben’s hand in his, and he’s looking at him and smiling with his lucid green eyes and Joe wondered if it felt a little bit more than just infatuation or hormones. He thought about how ridiculous it was to think of it as anything more than what it was, but it lingered on long after.

#hardzello #hardzzello #archer x rogerina #joe mazzello x ben hardy #joe x ben #all the aus #ask #answer #trip the light fantastic #writing #joe mazzello #rogerina #ben hardy #ao3 #extras #character study

[otome--fantasy]

Of Demons and Dragons

Ikemen Sengoku Imagine: Being able to turn into a dragon

Prologue

Warnings: Swearing,detailed descriptions of panic/anxiety, I tried to follow the prologue as closely as possible, but obviously some things are different - some dialogue has changed, and some isn't there at all. Dragon shenanigans were kept to a minimum....sort of, can't have everyone finding out in the first part now can we? If this turns into a series it will probably be an amalgamation of all the routes put together and some of my own imagination.

You awake in the Sengoku period, confused as to how you had gone from standing infront of a monument to laying in a burning building. Had someone drugged you? Was it that weird science guy? It would have had to be, he was the only one there with you. All you remember was standing infront of the monument and then- nothing. You attempt to sit up with a light groan at the sudden headache you apparently have, and look around to take in your surroundings. A gasp is caught in your throat when you realize you're in a burning building.

"Oh!" You can barely hear your own shocked voice over the sound of crackling flames, there's a man with a sword is standing over one who appears to be asleep. The confusion, the fear, the shock, and now the anger, it all becomes too much for you when the figure raises the sword above his head. Before you know it, your line of sight becomes elevated, the sound of fabric tearing to pieces fills your ears, and an absolutely ghastly growl rumbles through your throat and escapes your snarling maw. The man who was standing whips around. It's night and the dancing flames appear to make his face warp constantly in the darkness, had you not just turned you would have found his face frightening, but in your dragon form you felt safer. The reflection of the inferno dances in your eyes, making them appear as if they are glowing, "Demon...!"

That's all the mystery man needs to flee the scene of the crime before another growl leaves your throat. You huffed, snorting as you watched the black figure disappear through the flames, before the warmth around you appears to grow more intense. You glance around and realize the flames are quickly closing in around you, and without hesitation you jump for the man, grab him and the blanket covering him, and take off a safe distance above the flames before diving to the secure ground below. With a quick assessment, you're able to verify that there is no one around to see you, before you close your eyes, take a deep breath in, calm your mind -you feel the elevation of your head lowering- deep breath out, and you open your eyes to find you are smaller now, back to being a human, and bare. You wrap the large blanket around you, before you look down at the man you just saved who is surprisingly still asleep.

You hear faint voices to your general left, though they are so far you can't quite make out what they're saying. Slowly you bend down and begin to shake the man and when his eyes shoot open, you're once again surprised though now that you think about it all that must have jostled him from his deep sleep, at least a bit. His piercing mahogany eyes turn to look at you, and for a moment he seems to be scrutinizing you for waking him up, "Who are you?"

His gaze shifted to the building burning to the ground behind you, "Ah," you must have somehow managed to drag him to safety.

"Someone-" he cut you of before you could get more than a word out.

"Someone tried to do away with me while I slept?" You were honestly surprised he came to such a conclusion instead of assuming the fire was an accident, or perhaps he had been fighting the man with the sword and was knocked unconscious by him? You nodded, "Yes."

"Audacious, but foolish." Well you wouldn't have called it foolish seeing as, if you hadn't been there, he would have been dead, "You there, woman, let go of me."

"Oh sorry," You hadn't realized you were still holding on to him till he said something and pulled your hands back. The strange man sat up and you stood, taking a couple steps back to give him some space, "You saved me, yes?" All you could do was nod as he looked you over. You hadn't sustained any burns, and you clung to that blanket rather tightly- telling him you may not have much underneath.

"You may be some girl the monks snuck in for amusement," excuse you? "But I owe you my thanks."

You resisted the urge to bite his head off, "Sorry, I must have missed all the amused monks while I dragged your unconscious body out of a burning building, but your welcome anyways." You asshole.

"Besides," you looked back to the building before returning your gaze to him, "I don't even know how I got in there." Though you had your suspicions. You took in what he was wearing. He wasn't wearing the normal night attire one would assume someone who was sleeping would wear. He looked like a samurai from a movie that takes place in the old days, but it was easy to tell his clothes weren't replicas, and the sword at his side was definitely real. You could dismiss the lack of night attire due to the fact that he may have been fighting that other man before being knocked unconscious, but that didn't make his garb any less odd.

"What are you staring at? Surely you know who I am?" You didn't hold back your deadpan expression this time, he didn't look like any famous actor or star you cared about, so why would you recognize him, "No, actually, I don't."

"You saved me without knowing who I am? Not expecting reward or favor?" He glared back at you, suspicion creeping into his mind. Should you not have been a decent person? "So be it." He smirked in an amused manner that was really starting to grate your nerves, "I am the man who will rule all under the sun-"

"Actually, I dont want to know," he was cocky and full of him self, and after experiencing it and his rudeness, you were just about done with him.

"What? You're a curious one, woman. No one has ever spoken so impudently to me before-"

"I honestly don't care." You could hear the voices from before getting louder or maybe closer, and deduced that you should probably take your leave. You were about to do just that when the man before you let out a laugh, "You intrigue me, which is almost as worthy of praise as saving my life."

Does this guy ever stop monologue-ing?

"I am the lord of Azuchi Castle and Daimyo of Owari, Nobunaga Oda."

You bristled at this, and turned towards the building to study its appearance more closely. The words "Hono-ji" engeraved on the pillars assured you that this was the famous temple you had read about, "What year is it?" You asked sternly, no longer in the mood for any of this guys goading.

"It's 1582, why?"

You didn't answer, just shook your head disbelievingly before you took a couple more steps back, "No."

You refused to believe it, this had to be some kind of social experiment prank or something. Just as you were about to storm off a man dressed in white and purple on horseback appeared.

"Who is that?" You still wore a bit of a hostile look on your face, and that combined with you standing over Nobunaga -who was still sitting on the ground- was a pretty damning sight.

"Mitsunari?"

The man in question quickly hopped off his horse and swiftly drew is sword to point it at you.

"What are you doing here?"

You could feel your teeth sharpening behind your pursed lips, your vision seemed to become enhanced, and a low growl that neither of the men seemed to hear bubbled in the back of your throat, but you didn't shift.

"And where is Hideyoshi?"

"Lord Hideyoshi sent me ahead," Mitsunari went to help Nobunaga up with his sword still pointed at you, "He should be here shortly." Once his leader was up, he backed away, pulling the raven hard man with him before using himself to shield him from you, "We recieved information about an assasination attempt," he looked to the burning temple behind you before his accusing eyes snapped back to you, "It appears to have been true."

Nobunaga was quick to squash what Mitsunari was suspecting with a strong and commanding voice, "This is not my would-be assassin, Mitsunari, this woman has saved me."

The man with the drawn sword studied you before turning back to his lord, as if to ask for clarification. Nobunaga sighed, "She dragged me out of the burning building."

"All by herself?" He seemed to not believe that a woman could pull a grown man from the upper floors, down the stairs, and out of a burning building. And technically he would be correct in terms of that's not how you did it, but these men didn't need to know that.

With a nod from the raven haired man, Mitsunari put his sword away, "Thank you miss...?" He once again looked to Nobunaga who had now moved to stand beside his vassal, "She has yet to introduce herself to me."

You stood your ground, not so much as giving a polite bow when you gave them your name. Mitsunari seemed a bit in awe - having never met a woman with so much confidence, and Nobunaga nearly smirked at your tenacity before he decided it was time to remind you of a womans place in this world, "You cheeky woman, you do not even bow to the lord of this land?"

No, you don't bow to anyone. Your abilities were a wonderful confidence booster in that -if you wanted to, you could kick their asses right here, right now, "You haven't given me reason to bow to you, you might be 'Lord' of this land, but you hold no rank over me- I. Am. Not. One of your subordinates."

His amused expression turned sharp and he glared at you. Had looks been able to kill, surely his eyes would have pierced you like knives- but they couldn't kill, and you weren't just your everyday meek woman that a man like him must have been used to seeing. So you glared right back.

"Please this is on me," Mitsunari was now playing referee as he held his hands out between the two if you, "It was rude of me not to introduce myself first." He looked towards you, placing the hand directed at you over his chest while the other remained extended towards Nobunaga, "My name is Mitsunari Ishida." He bowed slightly to you in the form of a head nod, "I serve at the side if Lord Hideyoshi, Lord Nobunaga's right-hand man."

Your glare faded and you could feel your teeth receding back to normal and your body language relaxed, though you remained vigilant, "Nice to meet you," you gave a polite nod back.

"I cannot thank you enough for protecting our lord's life."

"It's fine," you broke eye contact with Mitsunari to glance at Nobunaga, who's stance had also relaxed, before returning them to the silver-haired man, "though he is kinda' making me regret it."

"Please, do not take it to heart!" He smiled gently at you, "And pardon me, " his voice turned a bit unsure, "but you do not appear to be a nun, and your uh," he looked at the blanket questioningly, "dress is unusual. Are you from abroad?"

"You could say that." Perhaps now was not the best time to tell them you were from a different time period. You were sassy, smart mouthed, fearless or stupid -whatever they chose to see your brashness as- and you showed animosity upon introduction. They might think you're crazy if they didn't already.

"Perhaps we should take you to get cleaned up?" Mitsunari began to lead the both of you back to their camp and it wasn't till then you relized that your skin was covered in ashes and soot, "I would appreciate that."

Mitsunari reached for the saddle bag as they walked and pulled out an extra set of robes that would undoubtedly fit you a few sizes too big. You took them anyways with a polite smile, "Thank you," and before you knew it, the three of you were at camp. Nobunaga's men crowded he and Mitsunari, happy to see they were okay. Luckily for you, you were able to squeeze past and sneak into a vacant tent to quickly change your attire.

Once you stepped out, the group had dispersed and Mitsunari once again approached you to guide you to the center of camp where a warm camp fire and some sitting logs waited for you, "Wait right here," he urged you to sit, "I'll bring you a warm cup of good, clean was water to clear your throat."

The fire and smoke honestly hadn't bothered you, I mean you were a dragon. You watched Mitsunari walk off, staring into space till a familiar voice snapped you out of your thoughts, "You clean up well."

You snorted and turned to look at Nobunaga, the glare from earlier returning to your face as you did not appreciate the way he was eyeing you, "Tch," you propped your elbows on your knees, looked back in the general direction Mitsunari had disappeared, and used your hands to support your head as you hunched over in defeat at once again having to share space with this man, "Gee, you sure do know how to compliment a lady."

"My lord." You perked up when someone parted the curtain and entered the camp, but you quickly deflated again as it wasn't Mitsunari. Great, another new face, "I see you are well."

"Mitsuhide?" Nobunaga's attention was no longer on you, but you quickly followed his gaze at the mention of yet another name you had heard about. You watched him like a hawk, surely he wouldn't do anything stupid in the middle if a camp full of soldiers loyal to the man you were currently sitting next to, but it didn't hurt to people watch.

"I hurried when I heard about the attack, but it seems there was nothing for me to worry about."

"You worry?" Nobunaga chuckled at that, "I have never even seen you break a sweat."

You rolled your eyes, about to drown out their banter before another person emerged from behind the curtain, "Lord Nobunaga! Are you injured?"

You raised a brow at this mother hen.

"Hideyoshi. The only injury I suffered is to my pride in letting my assailant escape."

And zoning out again.

"And what of her?" You looked at Hideyoshi in time to see him motion to you, "Leave her be," Nobunaga waved you off, as he told his right hand your name, "Oh and she saved my life."

"You saved Nobunaga's life...?" Mitsuhide sounded as if he didn't believe the tale, "And you're such a slender thing. But it appears your courage makes up for it."

You glared at the white-haired man, and were about to stand when Nobunaga grabbed you by the back of your robes and pulled you back down to sit, "Yes, she is a bit of a fireball."

"Mitsuhide, what are you doing here?"

You huffed and zoned out again. You didn't have time for any of this, you had to figure out how to get back home. If you could get back home. You ended up back in time, surely there had to be a way back to the present.

"Stop being evasive," you zoned back in when Hideyoshi raised his voice, "Confess!" And saw him grip his sword, "If I find out you played any part in this attack on our lord, Mitsuhide, I'll show you no mercy."

Children.

"It wasn't him," you piped up from your seat next to the man in charge. The bickering men turned to look at you questioningly, "Sure, let's not ask the person who was there if they saw anything," you leaned back, propping your hands up on the edge of the log you were sitting on to keep upright, "Let's instead just point fingers and make false accusations."

"What?"

You shrugged, "I caught a glimpse of the man who attacked Nobu- your Lord Nobunaga," more like you stared him down and put the fear of god in him but again, they don't need to know that, "and Mitsuhide's silhouette is all wrong."

"Stay out if this," Hideyoshi scolded you like you were the one behaving like a child, "We'll settle things with you later, and learn why you've schemed to get so close to Lord Nobunaga."

"Excuse you!" You shot up off your seat this time and stormed up to the both of them before Nobunaga had the chance to grab you again, "I am not scheming to get close to him! If I wanted him dead I could have just left him to die in that fire," you felt your canines poking your lip and huffed, before forcing yourself to calm down by crossing your arms and turning away from them, "Your boss sleeps like the dead anyways."

"Enough, all of you," Nobunaga stood up this time, "Reguardless of what brings Mitsuhide here, I am alive and well."

Hideyoshi's attention left you and Mitsuhide to look at Nobunaga as he addressed the three of you, "My apologies, Lord Nobunaga," Hideyoshi released his grip on his sword and relaxed a bit.

"Hideyoshi, Mitsuhide, leave us. I have something to discuss with our newest acquaintance." The raven haird war lord waved off the other two causing them to step aside as he approached you, "Your sharp tongue and brash nature aside, you saved my life."

You raised a brow and held back a small growl.

"I'm intrigued by you. You're a woman who carries fortunes favor, of that I am certain."

You resisted rolling your eyes at this, luck had nothing to do with you both making it out of that burning temple, "To be fair, I would argue that-"

Nobunaga didn't allow you to finish as he quickly grasped your arm, pulled you towards him, and then slid a hand around your waist to draw you even closer, "How would you like to rule at my side?"

Your head whipped back, your brows furrowed, and the rest of your face scrunched up slightly like you smelled something awful, "What?" You grabbed the hand that was still around your waist and pulled it off to give yourself enough space to rip out of his grasp, "Hell no!" You dropped his hand and took a couple more steps back till your were comfortable with the distance between the two of you.

"What?" Nobunaga seemed a bit perplexed as to why your would turn down such an offer.

You looked around you and noticed everyone's eyes were on you and you shook your head, exclaming, "You all are crazy," before you made a break for it. You found yourself once again scared, confused, and overwhelmed with the situation at hand. Your heart was pounding both from you running out of the small camp and from adrenaline that was now coursing through you veins. Your chest felt tight, and you had to fight to keep control of yourself.

As you entered the woods your vision shifted, and suddenly things were a lot clearer - as opposed to everything being dark, blury, and dimly lit by the moonlight, everything looked bright, vibrant and crisp. It was like someone put a photo editing filter over your eyes and turned up the brightness, saturation, and clarity, but that's just what happenes when the dragon in you was trying to take hold of the steering wheel. The sudden shift only served to make you more disoriented. Everything seemed like it was popping out at you, and you had no choice but to stop once you reached a clearing.

'Calm down, calm down.' You took a deep breath and paced yourself to a slow walk around the forest clearing as your thoughts attempted to calm you, 'You're fine, you're fine.'

Though you paused in the center when your breath was stolen from you and you felt your teeth poke the inside of your mouth, 'No,' deep breath in, close your eyes- the cold chill of the air seemed to no longer nip at your skin, 'Not now, not now- we're fine,' deep breath out, the chill returned, you opened your eyes. Everything looked much more dull. You didn't hear the soft chime of bells in the wind or the quiet sound of dried leaves crunching under someone's feet, you were too busy fighting the change. Normally the transition happened smoothly, and when you wanted it to happen or let it happen, you could hardly notice a change, but when you were fighting it as hard as you were, the shift could be a bit traumatic.

"Young lady."

Damn it, can't you ever catch a break?!

"What are you doing out in the woods this late at night?"

A low growl bubbled at the back of your throat as you whipped around to see who had been following you, 'A monk?' You were thrown off enough for your small fit of anger to disappear.

"I am called Kennyo, and I am a traveling monk. Perhaps I can be of assistance to you?"

"No thanks," you replied sharply. He was giving you the heebie jeebies. The look in his eyes didn't seem right, and the scar across his face told you he was a survivor, but of what, and at what cost? He took a long stride towards you and you had only been able to take a couple small steps back, before he placed a hand on your shoulder, "You should return home quickly, Demons lurk in these woods at night."

Fuck that, fuck him, fuck this place, and fuck who/whatever brought you here! You wordlessly slapped his hand away before darting into the woods again. Your frantic run triggering yet another flare up, one that you were unaware of as iridescent scales seemed to coat your skin and protect you from any scrapes and cuts you would have otherwise recieved from the foliage around you. You looked back for a split second to see if you were being followed, and the slight break in attention at where you were headed was all that was needed to hinder you unable to see the quickly approaching cliff - till a sixth sense told you to stop.

"Watch out!" Your body jerked to an abrupt halt and your feet kicked up a large cloud of dust, however, just as you stopped the ground came loose from underneath you. "Woah, hey!"

Had your reflexes not been fast enough you would have surely fallen to your death, but luckily, you managed to whip your body around fast enough to grab hold of the sturdier ground. Another man, who looked vaguely familiar, came to your aid and swiftly grabbed your hand before pulling you up, "I was trying to tell you there was a cliff, what are you deaf?!"

You aided him and pulled yourself up the rest of the way before quickly snapping at him, "Sorry, I was busy running for my life!"

He attempted to help you stand, but you were determined to do so on your own. You sighed as you got to your feet and dusted yourself, before this stranger leaded you away from the edge.

"Besides, I would have been fine," you sighed.

"Yeah, you certainly looked fine, dangling from the side of a cliff and holding on for dear life."

You couldn't argue with that standpoint, less you wished to raise suspicion, so you merely pouted, "Thanks, I guess..."

Deciding to brush off the attitude, he merely shook his head and continued to lead you away from the cliff, "It's fine."

"What's this Yuki?"

Your head snapped up in the direction of another voice as a taller silhouette walked out from the bushes, "We've been here ten minutes and you've already found yourself a girl?"

"Dont tease me, Lord Shingen. She almost plummeted to her death."

You 'humfed' at how they seemed to make light of your situation and stubbornly turned your head away from them, till 'Yuki' got your attention again, "What even were you doing running around the forest this late at night?" You didn't respond and merely eyed him.

"Hmm. Smoke from Honno-ji, and a woman all alone at night." You looked towards Shingen as he spoke, "Perhaps you're a ghost?" You scoffed. "Though you're the most beautiful ghost I have ever seen."

Close by like a hair, "No." With your senses on high alert, you looked towards the foliage where two other men were about to emerge from, "Your ability to spew-up cheap pickup lines never ceases to amaze me."

"I just call it like I see it, Kenshin."

"You there," the man next to Kenshin called your attention, "Could you step into the light? Thank you."

"What?" You gave him an odd look before he grabbed you with a slender hand and drew you out into the moonlight. You audibly hissed at being touched without your permission and just missed slapping his hand when he released you.

"What a fine piece of work." Your glare only deepened. You would rather face the war lords you just left to these flirty travelers, "Sorry," Shingen interjected, "I laid eyes on this angelic treasure first."

"We can share," the unnamed stranger argued, "Art is to be loved and shared by all-"

You promptly shoved past the both of them, causing them to be caught off guard by your physical strength as you actually managed to make them both stumble slightly, "Excuse you!"

The more dainty of the two gently clasped your hand, "Would you be interested in exchanging the kimono you're wearing with one from my collection?"

"For the last time Yoshimoto-" Ah, so he does have a name, "Women are not pieces of art, so get your hands off her would you?!" You aided Yuki in snatching your kimono away from Yoshimoto and huffed, before walking to stand behind Yuki to put some kind of barrier between you and them.

"My lords," you bristled and whipped around at the sound of another new voice, "I've returned. Nobunaga's forces have extinguished the fires at Honno-ji."

You eyed him quizzically, this one looked and sounded familiar though it was hard to tell with the black mask covering half his face. "Thank goodness they did." Yoshimoto was the first to respond, "That temple houses many treasures. I fear for the fire damage."

He was dressed in tight fitted layers of clothing with interchanging patterns of camouflage, and solid black and dark greens, but it was the glasses that made you suspicious. "Thank you for your investigation," Kenshin nodded in approval, "So I presume Nobunaga is alive then?"

"Yes."

"He's got the devil's luck," Shingen crossed his arms and shook his head disbelievingly.

"Or he is the Devil," Yuki jested.

You had been studying the ninja the entire time - his hidden facial structure, the shape of his body, his eyes, his smell, but it wasn't till you swiftly moved towards him and walked around him much like a predator would circle its prey, that he looked towards you. A look of recognition passed his face, "You-!"

You stopped in your motions, eyes so sharp they could kill a man, "I know you," it was more a statement than a question.

"We happened to run into her here," Kenshin informed his vassel as he watched the exchange, "Do you indeed know this woman?"

"No," the ninja tried to quickly take back his words, "She must be mistaken. Though I spotted a village on the way here. She must be from there. I'll escort her home."

He gave you little to no time to argue as he walked behind you, placed his hands on your shoulders and steered you back into the forest.

"Moving quick, aren't you, Sasuke? You and Yoshimoto both. Give the rest of us a chance, will you?" Sasuke paused to look back at the others, "Lord Shingen please, you and the others should return to the city," he left no more room for commentary as he continued to push you into the woods.

Once you were deep enough, you went off, "You!" You whipped around and pointed a finger in his face, "Did you have something to do with this?!"

"What?" He was caught off guard.

"This!" You motioned to the world around you, giving him your back for a split second before turning back around with different colored eyes contracted into slits, and snarled, "All of this!"

He backed off, his ears catching the creature-like noise you just made. He thought that hiss he heard earlier was just from some animal in the woods, but now there was no mistaking it, it had come from you, "Did you bring me here on purpose?!"

"W-what?" You stormed toward him, and he backed up till he hit a tree when his eyes caught the sight of your teeth sharpening into points. He was a well trained ninja, but his training had not prepared him for seeing someone morph into a monster before his very eyes- at least not into the kind you were.

"I said."

There was a loud, low pitched thump from behind you, and for a brief moment Sasuke tore his eyes away to look, only to be met with the sight of a long, pearlescent, scaly tail.

"Did you." He looked back at you, but your face was no longer that of a human woman, it was instead a scaled beast with an elongated muzzle, and horns that may have better been described as antlers.

"Bring me here." He had to crane his head upwards to keep eye contact with you as your head raised up into the sky due to your neck having grown in length. He looked down for a split second to examine the rest of your body. The kimono, being a more loose fitting garb, seemed to have untied and merely slid off your body. You were indeed no longer human, but were instead a long serpent-like creature on four legs with a long voluminous mane running down your spine. A dragon.

"On purpose!" You roared to forcibly call his attention back to your face, and he did so without hesitation.

"You recognize me?" He lowered his mask and you hissed, "You can hide your face but not your smell."

How are you talking without moving your mouth?!

"You're that scientist I met at the monument," your head lulled from side to side, only causing Sasuke to want to disappear into the tree bark behind him, "How did we get here, in the past, and why are you dressed like a ninja?"

"Please could you just," he boldly placed a hand on the bridge of your snout and lightly pushed you back, "I need space."

You growled but did so, backing off a bit so Sasuke could pull himself off from against the tree and walk to the side of you by a couple steps, "It's best if I start from the beginning- My name is Sasuke. And just like you I come from the present- or future, rather." You snarled, wanting him to get to the point.

"Right, right sorry-" he fumbled with his words, to give you an explanation in layman's terms, "Basically, that lightning strike that almost hit us caused a spacetime warp and sent us into the past." You merely stared at him for a second, and he caught on to what you wanted when you appeared to be studying his clothing and intensified your glare. He backed up a couple steps, "W-we entered the wormhole at the same time. However, for reasons unknown, I arrived 4 years prior to you, and in that time I've equipped myself with the skills necessary to make myself a viable asset- both for my safety and employment."

With that you huffed and backed off him, giving the ninja some breathing room, "You believe me?" Of course it was the truth, but there was no way of knowing if the travel had somehow warped your way of thinking.

"You just watched me turn into a dragon before your eyes, and you're going to ask me if I think time travel is possible?"

"Fair point," he wasn't going to bother correcting you on the smaller details, less he wish to get bit, scratched, or barbecued- whatever it was you were able to do in this form. Sasuke flinched as you let out a long deep breath, before shifting back to normal human. Your dragon scales stood up on end, much like a dogs fur would if it had its hackles raised, before they simply just dispersed in a puff and floated up into the air like a hoard of migrating butterflies, only to disappear into a dust that reflected the moonlight. He looked back down at you as your scales disappeared into the night, and immediately regretted his decision. You were completely nude.

"I'm so sorry!" He covering his eyes, causing his glasses to push up higher against his face before he turned around and gave you his back. You simply blinked and picked up the robes that had been gifted to you by Mitsunari and redressed, "You can look now."

Sasuke peaked slightly through his hands and feigned a cough when he saw you were indeed completely dressed again, "Yes well...I have devised a way to predict when these wormholes will appear, it is why I was at the monument that night- to see if my hypothesis was correct."

"Sounds great, so when's our next ticket home?" You didn't bother pretending to be excited. You felt like he got you into this mess, so he should get you out of it.

"That I do not know-"

You growled.

"Yet!" He raised his hands up in a reflexive effort to calm you, "I was only able to predict the wormhole that got us here three months in advance and I have yet to find any evidence of another one appearing anytime soon."

You calmed as he gave you an explanation. Sounded reasonable enough.

You perked when you heard your name being called, and your gave a sharp look in the direction it had come from, before pushing Sasuke into the foliage in the opposite direction, "Keep in touch," you stated simply before turning your back to him and returning to the center of the small clearing.

"Where are you? Come out!" You recognized Hideyoshi's voice. You heard a simple rustle of leaves before silence, and you assumed that, just like that, Sasuke had disappeared into the night.

You remained in the clearing till the sound of galloping horses got closer, "There you are!" You looked first at Hideyoshi, then to the person who had accompanied him, before looking back at the chestnut-haired warlord, "I searched the whole forest for you."

You tilted your head innocently though your voice still showed your distrust of them, "How sweet-"

"Hiding yourself from Lord Nobunaga for no reason what so ever," he began to berate you, "How insolent can you get?"

"I wasn't hiding," you corrected, "I was running, and I didn't ask for you to come find me."

The man on the other horse laughed at this, gaining your attention. He was another raven haired man, dressed in blues, blacks, and gold, with an eye patch over his right eye, "What a stalwart lass indeed. I have no doubt you are the woman who defied Lord Nobunaga."

"Oh, you're making me blush," you said sarcastically, "Are you someone else I'm supposed to recognize?"

The one eyed man snickered and extended a hand to reach for you, "I'd be pleased if you did, but now's not the best time to talk."

You stepped back out of his reach, only to bump into Hideyoshi's horse. The animal did not move but you whipped around see what it was you bumped into and the answer made you back up again towards the strange pirate man.

"Hey!" He grabbed a hold of your arm and pulled you up, "let me go!" You bared your teeth at him as he tucked you snugly against his chest so you sat sideways between him and the horses neck.

"Oh put the fangs away, I'm Masamune Date. Remember it, lass."

You subconsciously raised your hand to feel your teeth, worried for a moment that your fangs were indeed showing before your attention went to Hideyoshi as he spoke, "Masamune is head if the noble Date family of Oshu. He's also allied with Lord Nobunaga, so show some respect."

You rolled your eyes, "It's a pleasure, can you put me down now?"

"Settle down, you'll spook the horse," you captor smirked down at you. Oh you were going to do a lot more than spook the horse if he didn't let you go. Your brief moment of silence is all he needed to urge the horse to go forward with a snap of the reins and a shout.

"Hey wait!" Horseback riding was not something you were accustomed to, normally if you wanted to get around you either walked or flew, you didn't even like taxis or buses - too small and they made you claustrophobic.

"Dont loose her, Masamune!"

"I won't," he adjusted you so you were tucked more tightly against him, "Hold on tight," as the horses speed picked up, you didn't need to be told twice to hold on and you clung to the one eyed warlord like a frightened cat.

You all rode through the night and after some time you grew bored of clinging for dear life, so you adjusted your sitting position and held on to the horses mane. You enjoyed the wind that blew past you, and if you closed your eyes you could almost pretend you were flying- almost, had riding a galloping horse not been so rough.

When you arrived at your destination you were in awe of the structure before you- it was like a fortress, a city, and a castle all rolled into one.

"We're here," Masamune announced, "Azuchi Castle, home of the Oda forces." You looked around in awe. This place looked like you had jumped right into a movie set. "Don't show yourself to Lord Nobunaga like that, you look like a gaping frog."

Stupid Hideyoshi. You promptly snapped your mouth shut in favor of gritting your teeth and shooting him a glare. "So your a morning person," Masamune speaking into your ear sent a surprised shock down you spine, "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

"Oh buzz off!" You had completely forgotten he was still holding you, but you took the opportunity to slap him in the chest.

"Oh? But I quite like where you are right now."

"Masamune-" Hideyoshi reprimanded his fellow warlord, "Nobunaga has taken an interest in her, so keep your hands off."

"Listen you two-" you were cut off by the sound of squealing women.

"Hideyoshi! Welcome back!"

"Over here Hideyoshi!"

"Oh Masamune, you're dashing as ever! Who's your friend?"

You growled slightly at being noticed and subconsciously hid your face in Masamune's chest. Surely you hadn't thought you could hide in plain view, but you really didn't want this interaction to happen - you were tired, agitated, and not in the mood for having to deal with so many people at once.

"Oh! Is she shy?!" One of them gushed and brought her hands to her chest.

"More like antisocial," Hideyoshi took a quiet jab at you with a small chuckle before dismounting his horse and walking towards the crowd of women. Masamune laughed at your behest, and you peaked your head out slightly to watch, before sticking your tongue out at Hidayoshi for a brief moment. You half hoped the group was as viscous as the girls back in your time could get, and that he would simply just disappear into the crowd, but of course we can't all get what we want.

"I've told you there's no need to come all the way to the gate for me. What about your work?" Hideyoshi's tone with then was vastly different compared to the way he addressed you.

"I finished early so I could see you when you come back," one of the women replied. You groaned and rolled your eyes in an exhausted manor before burrowing your face back in Masamune's chest - an action that was met by another laugh, "Jealous, lass?"

You scoffed, "Annoyed," you crossed your arms, which looked a bit silly with you hiding your face so determinedly, "Don't like large group interactions."

"Welcome back, Lord Hideyoshi, Lord Masamune," you visibly perked up at the sound if Mitsunari's voice.

'Sweet angel from up above, get me out of here!'

"Even Ieyasu came out to say hi. That's rare." You hadn't noticed the man standing a bit behind Mitsunari in the shadows, "Ieyasu?"

"Right there," Masamune wrapped a hand around your shoulder as he pointed at the man with his other hand, he was fair skinned, and blond, with green eyes, and wore clothes in varying hues of yellow and orange, "That sourpuss next to Mitsunari. You should take this chance to say hi." Masamune then released you and dismounted the horse, before offering a hand to help you down. You examined him for a moment, deciding that he may be flirty, but he's not so bad before you took his hand and allowed him to aid you. Besides, you can't stay prickly for long if you're going to be staying here for an indefinite amount of time. Masamune took your hand and stepped forward, giving you the opportunity to place your hands on his shoulders before his made their way to your waist to pick you up and place you firmly on the ground.

"Thank you." You gave a polite nod to him before making your way towards Mitsunari and Ieyasu. Masamune merely nodded in response, not quite sure how to handle your rapid changes in demeanor. First you had the temper of the Devil, then you acted all shy and timid around that group of girls, and now you seemed so polite and regal as you passed he and Hideyoshi.

You held your head high, back straight, arms held together infront of you so your hands were hidden under the long loose sleeves, and walked heel-toe, making it seem as though you were gliding as opposed to walking. You gave Mitsunari a small soft smile, aside from that small hiccup during your first encounter, he had been the only one who was nice to you.

"Mitsunari," you greeted.

"I have been expecting your arrival, Milady." He greeted you back with a smile of his own. You opened you mouth to speak when Ieyasu interrupted.

"She looks pitiful," he spoke over you with a disapproving frown, as if whatever it was you were about to say wasn't important.

You looked at him through the corner of your eye and your sass reared its prickly little head again, "You should watch your nasty attitude, or it'll rot whatever beauty you have left," you turned up your nose at him, "However little that may be." Surely with an attitude like that his beauty was only superficial. Granted, you hadn't been the nicest since you got here, but you think you deserved a free pass having been ripped away from your life and thrown into the Sengoku period by a random wormhole.

"Both of you!" Hideyoshi came up from behind you to reprimand you both, "That is no way to greet someone, can't you at least give eachother a smile?"

"Can he?" Masamune followed close behind, "I'm not sure I've seen him do it." You huffed, "Well I was being nice, and giving them both a smile- he started it."

"How mature-" Ieyasu attempted to jab back till he snapped his mouth shut to bite back a fit of laughs, "S-stop it!" Hideyoshi and Masamune were attempting to tickle the blond, and it worked till he managed to wiggle out of their grasp, "You're both just annoying me!"

You tilted you head curiously at the display before you, till Mitsunari came around behind you and spoke to you in a low voice, "Like Lord Masamune and Lord Hideyoshi, Lord Ieyasu is allied with Lord Nobunaga." You turned to look at him, "Like the others, he came as soon as he heard there was an assasination attempt." That explained a lot.

"Everyone!" Mitsunari broke away from you to stand in the middle of the small group you and the other warlords had formed, "Shall we save the happy reunion until after our new arrivals get some rest?"

"Save yourself, Mitsunari. I'm not remotely happy about any of this." Well at least you could agree with Ieyasu about one thing.

"Oh. My apologies," the confused silver haired warlord attempted to clarify, "Then lets simply not stand around and talk outside," Mitsunari turned around to look at you, "Milady, the room you will be staying in is already prepared." Wonderful, "Please get some rest."

Mitsunari was kind enough to lead you through Azuchi Castle to your room, while the others broke off to take care of business. You were surprised when he opened a pair of sliding doors to bring your room into view- it was small, yet spacious, though that probably had to do with the fact that the furniture was not as large or clunky as some of the furnishings from your time could get. Everything was simple in shape, held a classic antique look, and was still extravagant, reminding you once more that this was the Castle of a very successful warlord.

"This room is yours to use as you like," Mitsunari gestured for you to walk in and have a look around, which you so gladly did, "I hope it's enough for you."

You blinked in amazement as you took in the finer details, slowly spinning around as you studied the room in its entirety. The lavish artistry that covered the more solid walls and the cieling, the care that went into the placement of everything, "It's more than I could've asked for." You turned to look at Mitsunari an excited smile on your face, "And you don't have to address me so formally."

"But you are a Lady, and Lord Nobunaga's savior. I couldn't possibly-" you cut him off with a wave of your hand, "Fancy titles mean nothing to me, just a means of establishing hierarchy. Which I also don't care for."

"Then I agree, on the condition that you stay as familiar with me, is that all right?" He gave a friendly smile, one that you returned, "A wonderful idea," he made you feel so happy. Must be his calm and upbeat aura.

"Thank you," he nodded gratefully, "Now take your leisure. Someone will come fetch you soon." Mitsunari gave one last smile before turning to exit the room, and close the sliding doors behind him.

You briefly wondered when you would receive word from Sasuke about a way home. What would the signs be that a new wormhole was approaching? How would he get in touch with you? With a sigh, you decided it best not to spoil your moment of piece by stressing yourself out. It was then that you noticed two other large sliding doors towards the back of your room, opposite to the entrance. Another room? You made your way over to the doors and slowly opened them. A balcony? You smiled widely, happy you would have quick access to the outside world incase you wished to take a midnight flight. Again you paused in thought, wondering how long it would take for someone to come get you, perhaps you could shift and stretch yourself out to relax. Was this room even big enough? You closed the balcony doors and glanced around your quarters, taking a mental note of how big you thought it was. The cieling seemed pretty high, and the parameter of the room itself seemed wide enough - save for the furniture, which again, didn't take up much space anyways.

You sat down on the sleeping mat in the center of your room, crossing your legs before loosening the ties on your kimono, closing your eyes, and breathing deeply. The shift was quick and effortless, no struggle or pain, with the only sign of it being a small thump on the wall from your body hitting it. You opened your eyes and looked around, the room seemed a lot smaller now, with the sound of your horns scraping the cieling reaching your ears. You glanced up and huffed - your antler-like horns would scuff and scratch the cieling, leaveing grooves if you moved in almost any direction, and that was with your head tucked firmly against you as you rested it in your back. Your long body seemed to wrap around the room at least three times, and you were a bit snug to say the least, and you couldn't see the floor at all beneath you. Your form practically took up the entire room. The tip of your tail flicked up and down, much like the tail of a cat in contemplation and a deep guttural rumble came from your throat, 'So much for stretching out...'

Your thoughts were interrupted by a small knock on one of the cieling panels and you looked up wide-eyed, worried that this was the moment you would be found out. Thankfully, you were only met face to snout with Sasuke, "Excuse me-" he froze, looking at you wide-eyed, "You seem packed in here like a sardine," he jested, earning a small grumble from you.

You attempted to shift and get into a more comfortable position to look at him, but your horns thumped against the cieling tiles and startled you with the volume of noise it made. Sasuke also momentarily freaked out, trying to move out of the way so's not to get impaled and nearly fell backwards deeper into the cieling, "Shh! No don't move!" He spoke as quietly as possible while also trying to be sure you would hear him. You promptly froze at his words.

"Why don't you just turn back?"

You looked up at him with a subtle glare and he remembered what happened back in the forest, "R-right, sorry."

"Did you follow me here?" You were quick to change the subject for his own comfort. "Yes," his demeanor effortlessly shifted back to professional, "I hid myself when those men arrived and followed your trail."

"Glad you did," your tail thumped once, "I had been wondering how you would get in contact with me."

He nodded, "Yes, I've also pieced together much of what's happened to you since you got here by watching you. You've gotten yourself into some trouble."

You scoffed, "Its nothing I can't handle, I assure you." What problem couldn't be solved by setting it on fire? Probably a lot of them, but if anyone tried to hurt you it wasn't exactly like your were the helpless dame the Oda forces believed you to be, "Besides, I'm sure you've been through your fair share of trouble," you chuckled. There was a moment of silence, "Sorry," Sasuke exhaled stiffly, "I'm still trying to come to terms with..." he looked at your body spread all around the room before his gaze went back to look you in the eyes, "all this."

You chuffed, "It's fine. Any news about our way home?" He shook his head dejectedly, "Not yet, I just wanted to be sure you would be alright here though," he placed a hand over his chest, "Sould you ever feel unsafe, please, just let me know and I will see what I can do to get you out of here."

"Oh please," you stubbornly looked away, "these men are many things- rude, bold, and flirty, but a threat I think not."

"Please don't forget," Sasuke warned you, "these are warlords miss, and while I don't question whatever power you may have, they shouldn't be taken lightly either."

"Duly noted-" your conversation was cut short by the sound of steps just outside your door.

"I'll be in touch," Sasuke quickly stated before closing the panel he had been speaking through. There was a knock at your door, to which you quickly responded, "I'm not decent!"

You wiggled your tail and cracked open the balcony doors before shifting back into a human, with your dragon form disintegrating into a horde of fluttering scales again, just as it had done in the forest, and they flowed out the open door to follow the wind before disappearing into a cloud of glittery dust. You hastily threw on the kimono you were wearing earlier before rushing to the door with a hand keeping the robe-like garb shut, "Can I help you-" you opened the sliding door out into the hall, "Mitsuhide?"

"I see you weren't able to get away from Nobunaga after all." You stared at him blankly, "He's calling for you," the white haired man continued, "Nobunaga that is. He wants to see you."

You nodded in response, "Give me a moment to better dress myself then," you shut the door without giving him a chance to respond, before walking over to the discarded pile of clothes in the center of the room. It took little time for you to get redressed, though to be honest you probably hadn't put everything on perfectly, but you didn't care. "Okay," you opened the door once again to follow Mitsuhide out and allowed him to lead you to wherever Nobunaga was.

You took this time to examine the interior of the building, making sure to try and memorize anything special that may better help you learn your way around, "You'll damage them if you continue to hold them so tightly."

You raised a brow inquisitively at him till he reached for your hand and pulled it up. You hadn't noticed you were squeezing them so tightly. Probably a nervous tick of some sort from your mind being cluttered with so many thoughts. Your mind went blank when he pulled your hand up and kissed the back of it,'Excuse me?'

"Trying to calm you down," he looked at you through his lashes and smiled mischievously before gently releasing you hand. Okay, but there were many other ways to do it that weren't that, "Well it didn't work, if anything you made it worse."

"Forgive me."

'Fuck you.' The two of you continued down the many halls and corridors, till you reached a pair of giant sliding doors. Mitsuhide didn't waste time opening the doors, "You kept me waiting," you recognized Nobunaga's voice from the otherside of the room. However, he was not the one to catch your attention first. The first thing your eyes were drawn to was the two rows that were formed to either side of him by the other warlords. Seems like they were having a meeting, "Dont just stand there," Nobunaga interrupted your thoughts, "Approach me."

You looked at Nobunaga with sharp eyes before walking towards him. There was a sitting mat a few feet in front of him, but you didn't sit, even when the raven haired man gestured for you to do so. He merely chuckled at your resilience and raised a hand when Hideyoshi moved to use force, "You are a stubborn one."

"Thank you," you crossed your arms, "Even at home, I bowed to no man." Nobunaga waved off your explanation, "You will reside in this castle," his statement was final, "and while you do so, you will give your service to me."

"I think you misunderstand, my shows of rejection, I'm not playing hard to get, I'm giving you a clear 'No'."

"Details, details, none of that matters to me. All you meed to say is 'Yes'," he didn't seem like he was budging, and for a second you thought about what would happen if you were to run again. I mean- theoretically speaking, they probably wouldn't be able to catch you. But you didn't want to spend your indefinite amount of time here on the constant run or being hunted. And if you ran and kept up your appearance as a normal human, what would he do then? Lock you in a dungeon? You sighed in an agitated manor, and you could have sworn you saw a smile begin to tug at the corners of Nobunaga's mouth as you begrudgingly took your seat on the mat infront of him, "Fine, but just for the sake of knowing what I'm getting into, how exactly am I supposed to serve you?"

"Your only duty," he grabbed your wrist before you could even register what was happening and pulled you closer to him, "is to stay nearby. That is what I need of you. You will be my lucky charm as I unify this nation and all that lies beyond." Ah yes, this again.

"You want me around because you think I'm lucky," you tried not to snicker. "Yes," he didn't seem to be joking, infact he was comically serious, "And don't fear. You shall be known as a princess from afar and will be treated as such. Spend your days on makeup, or cards and games if it suits you." Well now that couldn't be so bad. You would never admit it outloud, but dragons could be overwhelmingly vein creatures and it would help if you had someone to help tend to you. Of course, you wouldn't tell them about your....affliction, but the knowledge of having someone at your beck and call was nice it would help out a lot. You glance around the council room to gauge everyone's reactions, before returning your gaze to Nobunaga, "I have a few demands."

"Name them," Nobunaga seemed pleased, though the look disappeared from his face for a fraction of a second when you managed to easily yank your hand away - nearly making him fall forward in the process. "I am to have free roam of the castle, and the city," from the corner of your eye, Hideyoshi looked like he was about to protest, "But if we are to go along with the guise of you as a princess," Nobunaga interjected, "You will need a guard, and a curfew." Of course this guard probably served as more of a spy than anything else, and the curfew could be easily worked around... Fair and easy to deal with, "Fine, I'll accept the guard and the curfew. I assume this castle has a garden?" The raven haired leader nodded, "I can go there at anytime I please, even at night."

"Ridiculous!" Hideyoshi didn't like the idea of you sneaking around the castle at night, you merely shrugged, "Assign two guards, a day shift and a night shift one- I'll even accept only being able to go from my room to the garden and back if I must," you remained relaxed in your seat. Nobunaga nodded, "Then those will be your restrictions as far as that goes, and you shall come whenever I call."

You held back a growl, "Fair enough," you held your hand out for a shake, and Nobunaga looked at it like it was an odd gesture. He was aware of what it was, but was perplexed as to why you were doing it, "Where I'm from, a hand shake is both a friendly gesture, and a means of symbolizing a mutual agreement between two parties- think of it as a pinky promise, but for adults." Nobunaga chuckled and nodded, you certainly didn't handle yourself like the women of his time but it only made you more intriguing to him. He extended a hand out and shook your hand before you both pulled them back to your lap.

Masamune was holding back a fit of giggles the entire time as he leaned over to Hideyoshi, "I can't believe she just bargained with Lord Nobunaga. Though her requests seem trivial I'm sure that they aren't as simple as she made them seem." Hideyoshi hands balled into fists, he was sure Masamune hadn't ment it to sound the way it did, but it got him thinking, "Lord Nobunaga, I would like to volunteer as her Guard during her outings around town." You glanced at him through the corner if your eye, damn, had it been someone who wasn't in this room they might have been easy to loose or scare off. Nobunaga glanced at him with a raised brow, "Hideyoshi?" Before Nobunaga could object to having his right hand reduced to princess babysitter, you interjected while staring the brunette in the eye, "It doesn't matter who the guard is, if Hideyoshi wants to do it, then let him," you turned your gaze back to the warlord infront of you.

"So she's just going to live here and do nothing," Ieyasu tsked, "How could this waif possibly be of any use?" You opened you mouth to retort before you were cut off by Hideyoshi, "It's Lord Nobunaga's decision, Ieyasu. Hold your tongue," finally! Some traction! "Though," Hideyoshi continued, "only time will tell if we can trust her." That was fair enough, you already figured that was the reason why Hideyoshi volunteered to be your guard- or why they bothered giving you a guard at all. So someone could keep tabs on you.

While you were lost in thought, Nobunaga had taken the liberty of taking a hold of your chin between his index finger and thumb and lifted it slightly, making you look at him in the eye. You were caught off guard to say the least, manners were going to be something you were determined to teach this man, "I plan on taking very good care of you, my princess." Your eyes flickered for a split second at his declaration - changing from their normal round pupils and ordinary iris coloration to the thin slits and vibrant hues of your dragon form, before reverting back to normal. He thought it had been a trick of the light, "You can look" you smacked his hand away, "but don't touch."

Nobunaga chuckled at your response, but Hideyoshi wasn't laughing, "You!" He called out before lunging at you, "how dare you be so rude to Lord Nobunaga!" You quickly shifted from sitting to a crouching position, but luckily for the both of you, Masamune and Mitsunari held Hideyoshi back, "Now you've done it, lass! Best apologize to Hideyoshi!" You watched the three men struggle and huffed, stubbornly looking away, "I thought being offended for other people was a trait exclusive to my generation."

"That's enough," Nobunaga's voice cut through the commotion. Hideyoshi lowered his fighting stance on command, and Masamune and Mitsunari returned to their seats as soon as they were sure Hideyoshi's threat had passed, "The next time you raise a hand towards Lord Nobunaga-" Hideyoshi warned.

"You'll what?!" You snarled at him with a snap of your teeth. "I will cut you down where you stand," Hideyoshi threateningly got in your face, but you stood your ground, "I'd like to see you try."

"I said enough," Nobunaga's words once again cut through the commotion and silenced the both of you, "My apologies, my Lord," Hideyoshi submissively bowed to him, an action you did not follow and only responded with a simple, "Sorry." This was going to be a long stay....

#ikemen #ikemen sengoku #ikesen #ikesengo #cybird ikemen #ikemen series #ikemen sengoku headcanons #ikemen imagine #ikemen imagines #ikemen sengoku imagine #ikesen imagines #ikesengo imagine #ikemen sengoku au #otome game #otome playthrough #english otome #otome imagine #otome au #dragon imagine #dragon imagine 1 #i tried to correct everything #Of Demons and Dragons #Of Demons and Dragons prologue

[hollyhomburg]

Don't Care if it Hurts:pt.2

(Dog hybrid! + Gaurd dog!Jimin x Reader) (ft.olderBrother! + Mafia boss!Namjoon)

Part 1  Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Summary: After a rival gang makes an attempt on your life, Your older brother, the infamous leader of Seoul’s largest gang; Kim Namjoon gets you a guard hybrid; Park Jimin, The reigning champion of Seoul’s underground hybrid fighting ring.

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Warnings/tags: Past abuse, Blood, Mafia!reader, Mafia!Namjoon, Older brother!Namjoon, DogHybrid!Jimin, fighting, slow burn, general angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, eventual smut.

Wordcount: 6.1k

A/N: I probably could have split this into two parts but I didn't want to leave you hanging after the Jimin/Jungkook fight scene. This part was particularly hard to write because I knew where I wanted to be by part 3 but not how to get there. I know it's not as good as part one but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Song to play during this chapter: House of cards~

Jimin and his new master arrive at the compound inside of the hour.  On the front gate (guarded by 3 guards- probably armed) hung a golden sign; Serendipity Gardens. Jimin felt his eyes widen as they pulled through the gate and into a wide circle, a fountain spitting water in the center.

The place was emptier than a graveyard. There where no children playing in the park. Not a person was walking in the gardens and not a soul on any of the balconies of the two upscale apartment complexes or the smaller but no less grand private residences. 

The car pulled left and into an underground parking garage. Other sleek cars were parked here. Namjoon didn’t wait for the driver to open his door when they stopped, and Jimin scuttled after him careful not to fall behind.

In the space that should have been parking, rooms had been erected- some with clear dividers and others out of plain brick. A safe was tucked into the wall as people walked this way and that; some carting crates off to storerooms.  

Everywhere there were cameras. Every door had a key card and every person was armed in some way. Revolvers where Tucked into waistbands, or in holsters on their sides, and machine guns where slung casually over shoulders as a man cleaned dirt out from under his fingernails with a switchblade. 

People nodded or cast his master greetings some even bowing. Jimin cast his gaze to his master scanning him for any budges- it didn’t look like he was armed- but Jimin was beginning to think that his new master wasn’t the kind of man who ever gave secrets away for free. 

He stopped for no one- even as they made their way down a set of stairs almost running into a group of people who were attempting to carry a large box up the flight of stares. 

“Take the fucking ramp it will be easier you idiots.” Monster growled. The youths almost dropped the box. Yes, boss, they muttered shaking in their boots. they all Scattered the second they both had passed. 

The training room on the third floor stank with the smell of sweat and blood just like his old one, Jimin’s sensitive nose stung. Blue mats where tossed on the floor while a makeshift platform with a circle made a ring in the center, while exercise equipment was pushed against a wall.

Around 20 people were clustered around the ring- watching a fight that Jimin could tell would be over in seconds. Most of them turned to bow to his master. Some of their eyes landed on Jimin- and flashed up quickly to his ears, which twitched anxiously whenever he caught someone staring. Hybrids where a common thing- most people had either met one or seen one, but most people had never seen a hybrid that looked like Jimin. Eventually, their gazes returned to the fighting ring and the two battling it out in the center. 

The mint haired man hit the floor with a final thud and did not get up. he groaned “Kook it’s a fucking Sunday- can’t you just go easy on me one time.“ 

His opponent, Kook; a boy that was both buffer and younger than Jimin smirked. “Ain’t no rest for the wicked Yoongi.” Jimin watched curiously as Kook held out a hand to Yoongi- why would he help his opponent up- it was something Jimin had never seen done.

Yoongi snorted, “Whoever said that obviously hadn’t met me Jungkook.” Yoongi slapped his offered hand away.  

“I’m just going to sleep here- wake me up if the boss shows up.” his master cleared his throat. Jimin had never seen someone get up fast as Yoongi; who snapped to attention. Namjoon merely leveled him with a slight smirk. “You know the rules Yoongi- everyone trains.” 

“You know I’m more deadly at long distances boss.” Namjoon jumped onto the platform, and Jimin followed carefully, he felt the eyes of the assembled gangsters slowly shifting to him- the newcomer, their master's shadow. Jimin’s black ears twitched, and his tail swished back and forth. he could sense eyes on them- and on the blood that still stained his knuckles. But no one asked his master who he was. 

Namjoon jerked his head, and Yoongi made to get off the platform, Jungkook, however, stayed put. Namjoon’s eyes flicker to Jimin and before he could ask- Jimin entered the ring with a sick feeling curling in his stomach. 

“Who’s this?” Jungkook asks, his eyes flicker to Jimin’s tail and ears. 

“Y/n’s new guard dog- but I want to see if he’s a good fit before I give her too him.” Jimin bristled. Was the fight from last night not enough to convince him that he could fight? He was good- and though he could tell by the way Jungkook moved that he knew how to handle himself, Jimin was better. He could tell by just looking at the way he placed his feet. His master’s eyes flickered to Jimin.

“You know what to do.” He said, and Jimin turned.

Jimin had Jungkook pinned in under a minute- though the young man was obviously skilled- he had never gone up against a hybrid before. People usually underestimated his strength, but his speed was Jungkook’s downfall. Jimin could smell Jungkook’s fury underneath his fingers. Jimin raised a fist- intent on knocking him out and ending the fight.  

“Stop,” Namjoon commanded, every inch of Jimin’s body froze, and surprisingly Jungkook stopped too. “Stand and face me.” He commanded Jimin did as he asked. 

Shock colored every face around the ring as Jimin turned to face his new master, dread filling up his stomach. His master appraised him with a new eye, slightly amused- but mostly pleased. “Do you know why I just had you do that?” Namjoon asks Jimin. 

Jimin could feel every pair of eyes on him and while he’d never been uncomfortable with someone’s eyes on him before- this somehow felt more intimate. 

“Because you needed to know if I would hurt a human.” As a hybrid- Jimin’s DNA was programmed to be obedient- to be pliant and not harm his human master- or any human master. The instinctual aversion was something that had been trained out of him by his previous masters again and again until it didn't matter what species his opponent was.

“Smart and strong- what other surprises do you have?” Namjoon says, not looking for an answer.  His master turned and left the ring. Jimin scrambled to follow. Behind him, he heard the others rumble- the quiet hum of conversation. “Who’s that?” Yoongi asked Jungkook.  Jimin could feel the man’s eyes on him as he trailed away. “Trouble, I think.”

“It isn’t ethical, Namjoon, Hybrids are practically people.” Jimin heard a female voice say from up above him on the landing. Thought human ears would have had to strain to hear his didn’t.

 Namjoon had left him waiting in the entryway of your house- the largest and oldest private house in the compound. A set of marble stairs lead to the upstairs and a glittering chandelier at least twice as tall as Jimin hung from the ceiling. Everywhere color was a binary, black floors and a white staircase, white walls with black molding. 

“Only half- I don’t see what the problem is.” Came a third voice- not his master, but defiantly male. Jimin could smell that other female scent here, along with many other masculine scents; the most dominant one being his master. 

“The problem is that my sister is a god damn social justice warrior.”

“Don’t you mean dog damn?” came that mirthful male voice. 

“It’s this or America y/n,” his master said- Namjoon, that was his name, Kim Namjoon. Jimin sucked on his bottom lip. Jimin could hear silence permeate the room and then a breath being inhaled. 

“Fine- but you’re dead wrong if you think for a second I’m going to let any of you treat him like a servant.” 

“We own him y/n,” Namjoon sighed. Jimin’s ears twitched. 

“But we shouldn’t.” 

Jimin wasn’t sure that they knew that he could hear them. He heard some shuffling and then a wolfish-looking blond head poked his head over the side of the banister- the male was languidly athletic as he stepped down the stairs.

“So you’re the mutt; Jimin” he said as he ascended, but with a smile. Jimin shriveled his nose at the man, “I’m Hoseok.” He said his shoes scuffed against the black floors. 

“I’m pure breed.” He said quietly.  

Hoseok grinned, his eyes sparkling, “so I’ve heard.” 

Namjoon ascended the staircase next, glancing once back at the top of the stairs to make sure you joined him. They’re you were- the woman from the photograph. Clad in nothing but a white silk pajama set looking absolutely at ease being in that same room of at least 2 killers. 

Your scent hit him like a bulldozer- the same smell of blood that was still on his master. He looked from you to Namjoon quickly- not understanding- had he hurt you? Or had someone else? You lifted your gaze hesitantly to meet his. Jimin tried to ignore the way your eyes tracked the way he moved. You watched him not with the air of someone who was threatened by him but with curiosity. 

“Y/n, this is Jimin, the hybrid I’ve bought for you to use as a guard,” Namjoon said. 

“He really beat kooky? Damn, I didn’t realize that teenager had lost his touch.” Hoseok said, and Jimin wondered if his face was stretched into a permanent smile. A smile that was starting to look more foxlike the more Jimin looked at it. 

“He’s practically the same age you where when you joined Hoseok, and besides- you of all people should know not to judge a book by his cover.” Hoseok grinned ruefully at your comment. 

He had thought you where beautiful the one photograph but meeting you in person nearly knocked Jimin off of his feet. Every inch of your beauty was almost physically painful to him. Your hair fell around your delicate face as sharp and intelligent eyes wavered slightly as you pushed off the edge the desk and walked towards him. 

A bandage was fixed tightly around your upper arm. You held it stiffly- and he guessed that it must be causing you pain. His gaze snapped to it, an action that was not missed by you, you touched it gently.

“This is from an assassin yesterday.” You say in lew of an introduction. 

“Why are they trying to kill you?” 

You jerked your head in the direction of his master. “Because of that asshole.” Jimin blanched at your words. But Namjoon just rolled his eyes. 

“When will you stop being a pain in my ass?” 

“When you stop being a prick.” You snapped back. If there was one thing you and your brother excelled at it was arguing. Namjoon turned to Jimin, and he was surprised to see a flush of annoyance- something so human on his cheeks. 

“If you ever talk to me that way I swear-” 

“-Joon- don’t threaten him, he’s done nothing to deserve it.” Namjoon let out a breath, a slight blush came to Jimin’s cheeks, and he had never had someone defend him before. 

“Yet.” Hoseok laughs. 

“Will you both stop acting like psychopaths for one second.” 

“Sorry love,” Hoseok says, his expression lost its dangerous mirth as he turned to Namjoon. “Can’t change what you are.”

“I’ve never protected anyone before.” Jimin blurted out, All eyes where on Jimin, and he turned quickly to his master. “But I’m good at following orders- this transition will go better if you tell me what to do.” Jimin was ready to get hit for speaking out of turn but his master just looked at him thoughtfully. 

“As if he doesn’t do that enough for us all already.” You said under your breath. Hoseok snickered. 

“I want you to follow her 24/7, anytime she leaves this compound I want to know, I want to know where you plan on going, how long you’ll be gone- everything. You are not to let her leave this compound on her own and if you can- I expect to watch her in the compound; especially if she leaves this house. Essentially- you are to be my sister’s shadow.” 

“I don’t need a babysitter.” 

“Yes you do,” both Hoseok and Namjoon said simultaneously.  Namjoon rubbed the back of his neck, smiling at his friend’s protectiveness of his little sister. 

Jimin stood awkwardly- he didn’t know where to put his hands and he felt uncomfortable being the same room as people who he had just met- and had obviously known each other for a very long time. What was more peculiar was the Envy- harsh and bitter that stung his tongue- he had never been close like this to others.  Never had something like this. 

Namjoon gestured at Hoseok, and the blond said, “right.” And lead everyone into the wide kitchen. Everything was in shades of silver and snow; the marble countertops glittered without a speck of dust or dirt on them. Hoseok pulled out a bad that sat on the counter, producing an already open box which he handed to Namjoon. 

Namjoon pulled out a small bracelet and a cord. “Do you know how to use a smartphone?” Jimin nodded, “this is like that but smaller.  Y/n’s and mine numbers are programmed into it in case you need to contact either of us at any time.” Namjoon rounded the table and Jimin held out his wrist for it to be fastened. The watch was a small comfortable weight. He tapped at it experimentally.

3 circles where displayed, with your initial and an M- that stood for either master or monster Jimin didn’t know. There was also 2 other buttons- a capital P and a lower case p. 

“You also have panic numbers installed, the lowercase p will put you in contact with someone in the gang, in the event that neither y/n or I are available to take your call.” 

Jimin nodded, “what’s the uppercase one for?”

“Essentially, it’s a panic beacon- it won't make a sound or an actual call- but it sends the gang your location and keeps broadcasting it until you end the call, in the event that you or y/n are put into a dangerous situation where you cant get away-“ 

“it lets us know to come in with guns blazing,” Hoseok said, plopping down onto one of the chairs. 

“Great now that we’re done with that- do we still need to talk about…” Hoseok’s voice trailed off his eyes flickering too you and then Jimin. 

“Y/n, why don’t you show Jimin the house,” Namjoon said smoothly, eyes narrowing at Hoseok. You rolled your eyes pushing off of the couch. 

“Fine keep secrets why don’t you,” you said. Getting up without complaining- Jimin cast a single glance back at his master before following you out of the room.

The walk to his bedroom was both uncomfortable and awkward. The nervousness that clawed at your belly made the words come out in a hurried rush. “The ground floor is the dining room kitchen and rec-room, the second floor is Namjoon’s study and the master suite. Your room is with mine on the Top floor of the gym and upper deck- so it will be a hike every day but Ehh- it’s got a nice view.” 

He peered around the corner into the home gym- flat screen TV’s hung in front of a treadmill and a row of expensive exercise equipment that was scattered around glass doors. The deck was vacant except for a simple table and a covered square that must have been a hot tub. You almost felt like he was scanning for potential threats. His ears twitched with every unexpected noise. The Dec had a nice view of your backyard- a garden and a pool enclosed by a 10-foot high wall, but from your floor, you could see over it and into the other parts of the compound. 

Inside of the compound, they’re where several private residences with most of them belonging to the members of Namjoon’s inner circle and the largest most lavish one belonging to you and your brother.  Most of the rest of the gang- (which numbered in the hundreds at this point) lived either permanently or partially in the two other apartment buildings on the compounds premises. From the outside, serendipity gardens looked like just a luxury estate- but most of the gang activity was focused in apartment building 3 and in its underground parking garage. 

“Thank you for defending me from master Namjoon miss y/n,” Jimin said. You smiled at him. 

“My brother needs someone to check his ego constantly- and please call me y/n.” he nodded, his eyes meeting yours for a split second as you made your way through the work out room and onto the deck. The early spring air was chilly. But you didn’t seem to mind- your bare feet padding out to the edge without complaint though Jimin could see the Goosebumps rise on your arms. “It’s almost noon, Are you hungry?” you asked Jimin. leaning against the railing.

“No miss y/n,” he said quickly, just as his stomach rumbled loudly. His soft looking ears where pinned to his skull, and you smiled at him- at the light flush covering his cheeks as he looked at the floor embarrassed. You wondered how someone so cute looking could be so deadly, but if he had beaten Jungkook- your brothers best fighter- he must have been. 

“Namjoon and Hoseok won't be done in the kitchen for a bit- but I can call for the cooks when they get done, but it might take them a while.” You pushed off from the edge of the Deck. “We could always go out to eat” his ears perked up at that- remembers his master's words and what had happened the last time you had left the compound. “And go shopping for you then too- I’m guessing that those are your only clothes, kill two birds with one stone.”  You turned your head, looking at Jimin’s concerned and conflicted expression as he watched you. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Master Namjoon said it’s dangerous for you to leave the compound.” You nodded. “And that doesn’t scare you? That it could happen again?” 

“Nope,” you said, not meeting his gaze as you stared down to your garden and the blue pool below, and over the wide walls into the compound around you. Seokjin’s residence was right next to yours, but his car wasn’t in his driveway- so he was probably out somewhere doing Namjoon’s dirty work. 

Jimin shook his head at you, he knew he wasn’t supposed to question you and your choices, but even he was terrified to get back into the ring some nights, even though fighting was his life- his old life he reminded himself. “I’ve never been to a restaurant before…” 

“Then its settled, lunch then shopping- let me get my-“

“Why are you doing this for me?” he asked, and you froze for a second. He didn’t understand why you wanted to leave the compound for him- why you were putting your self in danger just so he could have clothes? He knew he didn’t deserve it. Jimin had spoken without being asked earlier with Namjoon and now again with you. He was practically asking to be hit- speaking out of turn with his master and then interrupting you. But your hand only hovered on the edge of the railing. 

“Is there a reason for me not to be?”

“I’m a hybrid! I’m supposed to be taking care of you not the other way around, I’m supposed to be your-“ he remembered the words he had overheard. “Servant.” 

“To be honest I’d much rather have a friend.” You said softly not meeting Jimin’s gaze and keeping your eyes on the garden below.

Jesus this was difficult- you could tell Jimin had been through things probably worse than you had. And honestly- your brother couldn’t really expect this transition from fighting to protecting to be easy. 

You wished you could tell him that you had no intention of treating him like his last masters had- you wanted him to trust you. Deep down you felt horrible because for the briefest moment when Namjoon had told you he had bought Jimin for you-you had gotten excited because finally, you could have a friend- a companion. 

But it was wrong to want something like that- and you hated the hybrid system. Genetically they were so close to people, they looked like them and acted like them, but next to you they had little to no rights. The law viewed them as simple animals. 

You had a hard time relating to others not in the mafia world because of your pass (not everyone’s grown up in violence and splendor like you have). Some people thought you were cold and withdrawn.  After high school- you had stopped trying to make people understand you, and if you were being honest- you stopped trying to make friends. 

You would never tell your brother- but honestly- you were lonely. Your brother was around seldom when you were. And if he was at the compound- he was likely partaking in some illicit activity that he would rather you not Witness for. Your only reprieve was college classes or shopping- the only way you could justify leaving the compound when you risked being hurt every time you left.

You made the effort to eat together at least once a week and saw each other occasionally in the morning. But most of the time you left before he woke up and you were already asleep by the time he got home. 

You didn’t know how you could miss someone so much- when you lived under the same roof as them.  

Everyone who knew that you where the monsters little sister was terrified of you.  They called you the little devil; a satirical nickname, given your innocent and non-threatening appearance. But even the name was enough- You had bumped one of your professors in high school and they had practically pressed their forehead to the floor asking for forgiveness.  Even the low-level members of the gang knew not to look at you- let alone flirt with you, or else risk their leader's wrath. 

The boys where a different story- they knew you, and where barely afraid of Namjoon. they regarded you as their little sister as well. Though Taehyung and occasionally Hoseok pushed Namjoon’s buttons by being shameless flirts.

“Miss Kim, I-” Jimin swallowed the lump in his throat. He had never met someone who had been lonely like him- not truly. Not another hybrid. Jimin had no one. And here you were- all the freedom all of the money that he had never had and you still felt lonely. With your confession- however intimate- made him feel like he could ask you for something; Something big, something he felt you would instantly refuse.

“Is it alright if I take a shower before we go?”  You seemed thankful for the sudden change of topic nodding animatedly. 

“Of course! You can use the bathroom in my room- since I’m pretty sure the one in the guest room doesn’t have shampoo yet” you smiled again. “That Is if you don’t mind smelling like strawberries.” You giggled when you turned to lead him into your room, Jimin let his mouth stretched into a small smile. 

Your bedroom was a white and silver affair- with a king-sized bed and silver blue settee in front. A pair of doors led to a balcony and 2 others to a bathroom and walk-in closet. You gave Jimin a towel, which he eyed warily when you left him in your bathroom. He struggled with the faucets not understanding why there where two. 

He turned the blue one and then hesitantly turned the red one. To his delight the water started to warm- he grinned and turned the heat all the way up and the cold one all the way down. Standing in the stream of scaling water until he physically couldn’t anymore. 

In your room you busied yourself finding Jimin a pair of clothes and getting dressed for the day in your usual casual attire. You fiddled with a hat as Jimin lingered in the bathroom. He rubbed soap into his tail and cleaned himself better than he had in ages. 

He hadn’t known showers could be warm- he felt knots in his shoulders that had been years in the making slowly unravel. He was slowly starting to realize, with the advent of the towel, soap, and hot water, what he had been missing out on. 

And the thought- at how badly he had been treated made him feel like he wanted to cry. All of this felt like a dream- too good to be true. Maybe it would end- maybe Namjoon would regret his purchase and demand that Jay give him his money back.

 The thought made him shake, and he resolved to do whatever you said, to make sure you returned to the compound with not even a scratch if it meant he never had to go back to that hellhole again. 

He wrapped himself in a white fluffy towel when he finished and opened the door. You weren’t in your room, but a small door to the left was open and he could hear you moving around as he shuffled into the room. “I finished.”

“Great,” you say rummaging through a box. Your walk-in closet that was larger than Jimin’s old kennel. “I’m just trying to find a hat to cover your…” you trailed off when you looked up. It wasn’t the fact that your hybrid was god damned gorgeous- abs stretching for days and deep v that pointed invitingly southwards it was the expanse of his side- bruised so badly that it was nearly black. 

“Who hurt you?” you said quietly, dropping the black hat that was in your hands.  You stretched your hands out to touch his side and a small growl left his throat. 

You flinched back and Jimin instantly felt ashamed for startling you. He wasn’t a wild animal or a threat to you. he wanted to prove that he was worth your brother's investment and he was already fucking things up. 

“It just hurts when you touch it.” you looked at his hands and took in all of him. The scars running across his shoulders and chests and you feel rage. Rage that would rival your brothers- rage that someone would hurt a hybrid- a person who was so obviously sweet and unsure. 

“I’m sorry for growing at you.” Jimin shrank back. Worried that you were going to hit him. He could smell the anger on you and thought someone your size probably couldn’t do much damage to him he still hung his head. But the touch of your hand was hesitant and gentle as a feather when you brushed not his side- but his split knuckles. 

“We’re going to want to bandage those before we go- those cuts look nasty- how did you get them?” you asked softly. Jimin flexed his hand. 

“From the fight last night.” 

“With kooky?” Jimin shook his head, you reached forward intent on gathering his hands in yours the same way that you had done for Namjoon a hundred times, only too have him flinch back. 

“I’m sorry.” You quickly turned to pick up the clothes you picked out for him- a pair of sweats that were large on you and a baggy white shirt that you had stolen from Hoseok. 

His eyes snagged on your wrist where your sweater had ridden up. There was a watch on your arm- just like his, just like the one that Namjoon had given him. “I’m sorry,” you said again, you mentally berated yourself- twice now- you had touched him or moved to touch him in a way that was obviously making him uncomfortable. 

“Why do you have a collar?” he asked, gesturing to your watch- though yours looked somehow older than his and more elegant, delicate rose gold with a light pink band. You looked down at it surprised. 

“This isn’t a collar- it's just like yours, Namjoon gave it to me after someone tried to kidnap me last year. have you had to wear a collar before?” it was something to you that seemed barbaric. Jimin shook his head. 

You let him change in your closet before slipping out into your room, His wet hair and ears soaked the top of the shirt turning it translucent. You gestured on your settee before you pulled out a first aid kit. 

“Can I bandage your fingers?” you remember to ask, and he nods, sitting next to you and thrusting out his hands. 

Your fingers wiped at his mostly clean knuckles with an antiseptic that stung his nose harshly. He asked you what it was used for. You explained to him the proper way to bandage things as you finished his left hand and moved to his right. 

He had never had someone behave so tenderly for him. He watched you as you worked. Wondering how someone had been raised in a life like this and still ended up kind. 

He was nothing, dirt on your shoes- yet here you were taking the time to take care of him- and you had just met him today. Your compassion did awful things to his chest. Making his heart skip beats and his breath catch in his throat while you prattled onto him about Seokjin the medic of the gang- and the story of him attending medical school. 

Water from his hair dripped onto the bandages. You clucked your tongue. “You’re going to freeze if we leave like that. Is it ok if I dry your hair?” he made a non-committal noise in the back of his throat. 

The gentle rub of your hands against his skull made him lean his head forward. the delicate grating of the towel against his hair and the back of his neck sent delightful shivers down his back. He held back a noise in his throat as you went to dry his ears. He lurched forward when you stopped and you giggled lightly, smiling a slight blush coloring his cheeks.

“Someone’s needy,” Jimin repeated the noncommittal noise, he had never felt so relaxed before, he could sleep now if not for the hunger knowing at his belly, but he wanted you- no needed you to touch him more. He sat up straight.  

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.” You giggle gently- going to put the towel and his other close in the hamper.

“You act like you’ve never been pet before.”

“pet?” he askes, he understood just not how you were using it. you turned shocked and more than a little angry as you realized that maybe he had never been pet before. 

Then as quickly as it had come it was gone, and he was left wondering again what your anger meant. “Its nothing lets just go.” 

Several thousand dollars, a meal at a fancy restaurant downtown, and a coffee later, you and Jimin stumble into your house. You can tell Namjoon isn’t home but even still you can see Jimin visibly tense. He still doesn't trust your brother- but you think that he’ll start to warm up to him once he spends more time with the man. 

You set the bags of clothing that Jimin had let you carry down on the floor. You stifle a yawn and look at the clock. “its so late!” you exclaim. 

“Do you want to go to bed?” Jimin asks you softly, trying hard to take the sexual connotation out of the sentence. He had slowly warmed up to you more today although the hybrid became considerably more withdrawn the more people that were around. 

It had been hard at first- to convince him that he could use your (or more specifically your brothers) money to buy whatever he wanted no matter the cost. But about midway through the day he had started to enjoy himself- only after you convinced him to buy a pair of timberlands and running shoes of course. 

“Yeah,” you said as you kicked off your shoes and hung your jacket. “My first class tomorrow is pretty early so we should both probably get some sleep.” you helped him carry his bags upstairs. Chatting with him vaguely about your classes tomorrow (a psychology class and a humanities lecture). 

The cleaners had done a nice job of getting the spare bedroom ready for him. The sheets the head housekeeper had chosen were silken and black- the same as where in your brother's room. You set his bags on the floor by his empty closet. 

“Night,” you say as you hover by the door awkwardly, watching him unpack the clothes he had gotten. He grabbed a pair of soft cotton pants and a white t-shirt and followed you into your room. 

You where already in the bathroom, the image of Jimin in your mirror behind you made you flinch, “Jesus Jimin you scared me, did you want a glass of water?” He shook his head, biting his lip, “what did you need?” 

For you to touch him again he thought but didn’t say. “Master said I’m supposed to watch you at all times...” 

“I don’t think he meant sleeping in the same room as me Jimin,” you say understanding what he meant immediately. You rinse your toothbrush out and don't dare meet his eyes in the bathroom mirror. 

“I think you’d be safer if I did.” Those wide windows in your room scared him-  it would be easy for someone to climb up to your balcony and get you. If he was across the hall it might be too late for him to save you. 

“Jimin I-“ 

“I want to be good at this job, I want to make master proud of me and I don’t want you to get hurt.” 

“But I can’t expect you to sleep-“

“I can sleep on the settee.”

“You don’t have to.”  

He patted the silver blue settee at the end of your bed. “This is far comfortable than any place I’ve ever slept.” And it was true- he was used to concrete floors, not the plush memory foam couch; he used straw for pillows and extra clothes for blankets on the colder nights of the year. 

“At least let me get you a pillow and a blanket from the other room.” 

You handed him the black comforter and pillow and Jimin busied himself in combing through his tail with his fingers while you finished getting ready for bed. You flicked the light switch off plunging the room into darkness. You pulled back the covers and slide into your bed before plugging in your phone and taking off your watch.

Jimin lay with his back against the settee, the black comforter pulled over half his body. Jimin could hear everything- the slight rustle of your feet as they found a comfortable spot on the bed. 

“I’m sorry if this is awkward for you- I know you didn’t want a guard dog.” 

“It’s fine.” You say softly- and even though you’re feet away Jimin can tell you’re only a few seconds away from falling asleep. “You can be my friend and my guard dog at the same time.” You laughed, and now that its dark and you cant see him Jimin lets the smile stretch his face fully. 

 Jimin listened until your breathing leveled off completely until he turned towards you, he could see the steady rise and fall of your chest beneath the covers and your head pillowed on your hand.  your heartbeat was a comfortable rhythm that his thoughts synced with, the sound a more quiet and relaxing lullaby then he’d ever heard in the kennels.

He didn’t know how to do this; he didn’t know how to protect someone. His body wasn’t made for shielding- only for being beaten back and back and hurting others. And strangely he felt sick with worry about it. 

He knew how to act for his old master- how to fight. But he had never done anything like this before. You were somehow not his master; but also his masters' little sister; he didn’t know how much of your orders he should follow and to what extent. 

What was more perplexing was the fact that you hadn’t given him any orders or beaten him yet- you had wiped his cuts and dried his hair, all of this felt like a dream that he both wanted to wake up from and a dream that he wanted to never end. He could believe things would stay so good for long. 

Maybe he didn’t know how to be a protector. But as he looked at you, looking innocent and small and so breakable- and he decided it didn’t matter.

Master’s orders or not, he would fucking learn.

#bts #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts hybrid au #bts mafia au #mafia au #fluff #angst #park jimin x reader #mafia!namjoon #older brother! namjoon #kim namjoon #jimin #jung hoseok #hoseok #min yoongi #jeon jungkook #jungkook #yoongi #kim seokjin #seokjin #v #bts mafia #bts fluff #jimin x reader #hybrid!jimin #Hybrid AU! #bts bangtan #bangtan sonyeondan #gaurd dog

[fictoryismine]

So, I was away all month, had to go to my baby brother's wedding --tbh I forgot straight people still got married And then "vacation" which meant my dad drunkenly singing Mambo Number 5 at the top of his lungs for 6 days We booked this off in JANUARY as we have every year since 2012 and it is OUR week and nope! We don't exist anymore. It's not "haha everyone feels like it's a sibling rivalry" it's actually the one part of my life that just leaves me gutted every time and like an idiot I think it'll change somehow. Then we got home and like 16hrs later my wife sprained her ankle and spent like 9hrs in the ER (I couldn't go, covid restrictions) and it was just like, AHHHH I NEED A VACATION FROM MY VACATION!!!

Also all of this happened during her birthday which got majorly overshadowed and I was like, so, real talk, I haven't been to a real store in almost 2 years and we share an amazon account, so there are no surprises, can you please just tell me what you want, I know we are both exhausted, can we literally just pick a date and that be your raincheck birthday because I know I'm not going to do it justice. We'll order take-out and have a nice cake and do anything you want, just, not while everything is falling apart at once. SO! Being a married adult is really fun if you love things like telling someone, "I can't feel how your ankle feels... but... take a pain pill, elevate it and ice it and try to stay off it a few days" and it was a big thing until I was like, okay fine, what would you like me to pack, wear comfy pants, here are headphones, a bottle of water, fruit snacks, a book, I'll wait with you for the cab I guess?

TO BE TOLD...9 HOURS LATER... "take a pain pill, elevate it, ice it and try to stay off it a few days" *FACEPALM!* Better safe than sorry, but, oh my god. She left at midnight and didn't get back until 9 in the morning, it was ridiculous. I wasn't being flippant when I said, "I don't know, does it FEEL broken?" I am 1) not a doctor 2) giving her autonomy

Also it was like 30c every day we were at my brother's [7hr drive] and 9c and rainy during my holiday which meant minimal swimming/fishing/boating and a lot of being cold and wet In 5 days I think we drove like 25hrs? It was so stupid. I was ridiculously angry and no one noticed which made me more angry and I blew up at my family last summer and don't want to be someone who just yells every time my feelings are hurt for decades at a time, but, damn. ALSO: My dad's useless cousin was over not social distancing watching the news at our cabin just so he could loudly talk about how covid is fake-- And my parents didn't say, actually, they were both really sick and coughed up blood and had fevers and were delirious and are still physically exhausted months later, so it is real... I just had to sit there like, oh okay thanks everyone No wifi, obviously, but I was able to edit a little bit. A huge moth flew onto my laptop and scared me though.

I'm not even scared of bugs just know it was huge and super attracted to the white screen of wordpad So, I have to deal with all of whatever the hell that all was before I can get another chapter out Also, I have my 2nd covid shot on the 20thish and will 1000% be sick as a dog for a few days because my immune system sucks and my lungs are just 2 wet garbage bags at this point... So, again, always trying to write, but a lot of the time my life is just a series of unfortunate events and I'm like, hahaha I sure wish I knew what a resting heartrate felt like so I could sit quietly and write

[kimberlypjones7]

What To Know When Considering A Backyard Fire Pit

A considerable lot of today's mortgage holders are searching for in excess of a conventional wood deck with a flame broil in their backyards. Nowadays, adorning implies conveniences like lakes, vegetable nurseries, outside kitchens, and fire pits. Since styles, sizes and materials flourish, your decisions ought to be founded on your space close by, spending plan, and, obviously, nearby mandates. (A few regions boycott open burning of any sort.)

Before you begin longing for twilight evenings and toasted marshmallows, this is what else to consider about arranging a fire pit:

HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO Fabricate A BACKYARD FIRE PIT?

Expenses can be pretty much as low as $100 in the event that you go with something straightforward, as indicated by Houzz. You can buy a straightforward unit at a tool shop. Or then again, in case you're up for a Do-It-Yourself project, you can make your own backyard fire pit. In any case, costs unquestionably can likewise go as much as a few thousand dollars, particularly when seating is added, says Angie's Rundown.

Lasting Versus Versatile FIREPITS

As you start arranging, you might need to think regarding changelessness. Do you need a fire pit that is implicit — a point of convergence in the yard — or something that is lightweight and conceivably compact, so you can take it where you need your social occasion?

Lasting Fire Pits

For a perpetual fire pit, pick something that organizes with the tone, style, shape, and materials you have in your yard as of now, says Houzz. You can collect a fire pit yourself with a premade pack from a home improvement shop that accompanies all you require. Or on the other hand, you can go completely custom and have a scene expert or contractor plan and assemble it.

Compact Fire Pits

Compact fire pits offer a variety of choices. Fire bowls are regularly made of copper, steel, or cast iron, as per HGTV. Fire tables regularly use propane or petroleum gas and have a zone around the fire where you can put food and beverages, as indicated by the Hearth, Deck, and Grill Affiliation. Unattached fire pits called chimineas include a stack style vent, says HGTV.

Despite which style you pick, you need to utilize appropriate stones and materials (something that shouldn't fragment when the fire warms up). Make it relative to the size of your yard, and be certain you have space for seating and flow, says Houzz.

WOOD-FIRED Versus GAS FIREPITS

Wood, propane, or petroleum gas are the most normal decisions to fuel an outside fire pit, as indicated by Houzz. The individuals who favor the sound of a snapping fire may lean toward burning genuine logs, says Houzz. This will require a consistent stockpile of firewood.

Some fire pits utilize petroleum gas or propane for a moment fire — however, you don't get a similar pop and smoke as a wood fire. A propane fire pit will have an appended tank, while a petroleum gas fire pit will require a gas line that runs from your home to the fire pit.

WHERE TO SET A Versatile FIRE PIT

It's ideal to set a compact fire pit atop a fire-safe surface like metal, pavers, or blocks, says HGTV. Putting it straightforwardly on a wood deck or grass can be perilous if coals fly.

WHERE TO Securely PLACE A FIRE PIT

Numerous people group require at least a 10-foot distance from your home and neighbors' yards, as indicated by the Seattle Fire Division. Some don't need a license if the fire pit fits inside set size necessities, while others require a site review from neighborhood fire authorities to help ensure your proposed area is protected (away from the wall, structures, overhanging branches, and so forth) A few networks may likewise have limitations on wood burning fires, says Houzz. Check with nearby authorities before you buy or light arranging a fire pit.

SEATING AND LIGHTING AROUND A FIRE PIT

Give sufficient light to individuals to stroll around the yard securely yet keep it adequately unobtrusive to try not to annihilate the open air fire temperament, says The Family Jack of all trades. Consider light posts or overhead string lights (yet don't hang them straightforwardly ridiculous pit). Energy-productive Drove lighting can likewise be connected to a close by outlet without expecting you to call a circuit repairman.

When adding seating, HGTV suggests getting it far enough far from the fire for individuals to get up and move around securely. Implicit seating and heavier seats may help hold individuals back from moving too near the fire pit.

BACKYARD FIRE PIT Wellbeing TIPS

A fire of any sort requests genuine consideration regarding wellbeing. The Public Fire Insurance Affiliation and ReadyWV offer the accompanying fire pit wellbeing guidance:

Check wind course prior to lighting a fire.

Try not to utilize combustible liquids (gasoline, lighter liquid, and so forth) to light or relight fires.

Try not to wear a combustible dress (like nylon) or any baggy garments.

Keep youngsters and pets in any event 3 feet from the fire.

Try not to utilize delicate woods like pine or cedar, since they can “pop” and toss flashes.

Keep a fire quencher, garden hose or basin of water close by.

It's likewise significant that you realize how to securely discard the remains when you're finished with the fire for the evening. When the remains have cooled, Portland Fire and Salvage suggest placing them in a metal holder and pouring water on them.

In certain pieces of the nation — regions inclined to wildfires, for example — unveiling your fire pit might be a necessity of your mortgage holders' protection strategy. It might likewise be a smart thought to check in with your protection specialist to see how having a backyard fire pit may influence your inclusion.

#What To Know When Considering A Backyard Fire Pit

[bentonpena]

We Don't Have the Words for What We're Living Through

We Don't Have the Words for What We're Living Through https://bit.ly/3cQaMCE

Coronavirus Roundtable

Coronavirus RoundtableWe're here to discuss news, rumors, questions, and facts about this pandemic as we live through it.

“Quarantine” was never quite right. “Reopening” isn’t an accurate term either. What we’re going through as a society is unprecedented, and we do not have the words to describe it. I think that’s because we can’t name that which we can barely wrap our minds around.

I first recall hearing the term social distancing in the context of Chinese officials canceling New Year celebrations in February. It felt like a bird’s-eye view kind of term, something you would apply as you’re looking down on an ant colony. By March, the preferred term was physical distancing, a recognition that we aren’t trying to disrupt social connections, just physical proximity. Certainly most of us are staying at home and away from other people as much as possible, but physical distancing still feels less than a fit for total societal upheaval.

What’s the word for staying at home?

Colloquially, a lot of us talk about quarantine: #QuarantineLife, quarantinis. The technical meaning of quarantine, as the word is currently used in public health, is sued for someone suspected of carrying an infectious agent who is not obviously sick yet. Meanwhile, somebody who is showing symptoms gets isolated.

And yet isolation is also an everyday word implying loneliness. So we talk about self-isolating even outside the context of illness. If you’re all by yourself in your apartment, you sure feel isolated.

Part of why we stay home is out of prudence, as well as managing our own personal tolerance for risk. But another aspect includes the government regulations that mandate, for example, the closure of businesses. These aren’t quite shelter-in-place orders, because that term comes from dangers like active shooters and potential radioactive fallout. A stay-at-home order is closer to the truth, but in many places it’s fine to go for a walk. It’s not quite right to call it a lockdown or a shutdown either. You get what I’m saying: We don’t have a word or phrase that communicates what we are and aren’t doing.

Six Things Our Readers Are Buying With Their Stimulus Checks

What’s the word for the thing that comes next?

Quarantine, in the health sense, is an on-or-off state. You are quarantined until either you get sick or a certain amount of time passes; then you are free. A lockdown ends when you unlock the door. A stay-at-home order can be lifted, at which point, one assumes, we no longer have to stay at home.

If we had managed to cut off the virus’s spread with a harsh two-week shutdown, it might have been possible to end it with a simple reopening. But that’s not what’s going to happen now.

Cities, states and countries will ease restrictions—if not now, then someday soon. We already make tradeoffs: hospitals and grocery stores are still open. Family members get to quarantine (or whatever we’re calling it) together. Even before we fully control the virus, some restrictions may have to be eased.

We’ll be living in a gray area, probably for years, during which society will not be fully locked down, yet won’t be fully open. This, too, will be unprecedented: Should restaurants reopen first, or last? Where should schools fall on the spectrum? When can hospitals resume elective procedures? If nobody is stopping you from visiting friends, when should you consider it safe to do so?

The word reopening is not enough to describe all of this, and I think giving it a single, open-and-shut name encourages us to think of it like a light switch. We were living our normal lives, and then suddenly everything went dark. But that doesn’t mean we can flip the switch back the other way just as suddenly.

We need a new word for this. The WHO talks about easing restrictions. Some governors speak of phases or levels.

What should we be calling all of this? Is there a better word for “staying at home when we can because we’re afraid of catching a deathly disease and/or doing what we can to comply with orders that some of us agree with and some of us don’t”? How about for “starting to be near people again while a deadly disease is still circulating”? What have you been calling either of these phenomena? If you could invent a new word, what would it be?

Internet via Lifehacker https://bit.ly/2VwWgKq April 27, 2020 at 02:59PM

#IFTTT #Feedly

[mymusicalitylove]

Love Lies

2o2o was supposed to be my year! So far this first quarter has proven that statement is false. I am reminded of the old proverb, “You make plans, and God laughs”. I hope this is hilarious to me at some point too, because I love to have me some laughs. 😒

Right now I feel like I’m back to treading water, attempting to stay afloat and figure out what is next. YET AGAIN. Stopped worrying about finding my partner and worked on planning my Eat Pray Love Adventure. Covid killed that dream (for now) - no more planning for the Italian holiday I was gifting myself. No more being out in public because precautions for this Covid craziness are now so serious that the government is encouraging everyone to “shelter in place” in order to slow down the spread of this thing. This is really not what the doctor ordered for someone who already overthinks when left to her own devices, but I get it, and hope it truly works to start curbing this nightmare.

Work is the only thing I have going for me, despite it being a riveting shit show of new protocols mandated every few hours. Oh, and working at a hospital obviously puts me at risk of catching this virus we are supposed to be isolating from. I am further opting to not get together with friends/family in case I am already carrying something, so I do not infect them. Just this weekend I canceled three separate plans I had been looking forward to. This reality only further fuels my loneliness and feelings of frustrations with where things are at in my life.

Wednesday was a disaster day at work. I already was at a deficit due to feeling emotionally down, and with an ugly tension migraine that I have had more days than not over the last couple weeks. Two traumas. An expired patient’s family to comfort and keep updated. An APS worker informing me about a patient I needed to admit because it was unsafe for her to go home. A potential placement issue for a non-compliant patient. And the case that took the cake and the majority of my night, dealing with SJPD and a father for a CPS case with the most adorbs 3 yr old girl, with a very complicated and infuriating situation. I didn’t get home until 12:30 am.

I am grateful for my work ethic and ability to kick into high gear for the work I do. I know I gave 100% to my patients and their families despite not feeling even 60% on the inside. I am proud of the work I did, but it took everything in me to keep it together and not burst into tears at any point. I saved that for my drive home.

Some days, I am totally fine. Thursday was a little better. Friday I was in a much better space and worked day shift then went out for a friend’s birthday. This will probably end up being the last time out in public for who knows how long. I had a great and very needed laughter-filled night. Saturday and Sunday I was supposed to go to the Caldwells’ home. Rather than infect them, I stayed home. And rather than be productive and organize the mess I’ve been calling my home, I Netflixed and chilled. And slept and wallowed in my social distancing depression. And rather than work on crafty/creative things which I know bring me life, I am now writing here trying to make sense of things so I can go to bed with a lighter mind.

This song spoke to me from the time it came out because I felt it in so many ways. I know I can be a hot mess sometimes, but feel that is what makes me ME. Unapologetically me, myself, and I. 

Sorry if it's hard to catch my vibe I need a lover to trust, tell me you're on my side Are you down for the ride? It's not easy for someone to catch my eye But I've been waitin' for you for my whole damn life Are you into me? When it feels so good, but it's bad for you Can't say I don't want it 'cause I know I do Come on over, I need your company Cravin' that synergy

I feel I am a genuine person because I am comfortable with who I am and consider myself to be a pretty open book, but I definitely have layers that are not easy to shed with just anyone right away. I often hear that I make others feel comfortable, and I cannot tell you how many times I hear people’s entire life stories because apparently ‘social worker’ is permanently tattooed on my forehead (even before I decided to become one). I have learned to appreciate that others feel safe with me right off the bat because I know it can be very difficult to be that vulnerable. 

As I’ve gotten older, I realize I am a lot less tolerant of bullshit. I would rather communicate about issues and let’s squash it to move on before it becomes something bigger. I cannot tolerate passive aggressive behavior because I have endured it far too often, and it’s become such a thing that my friend calls me “no Bullshit Betty” - what you see, is what you get. My younger years involved a lot of avoiding conflict and shoving shit under the rug, which is what has led me to the Eeyore-like state I’ve been pulling out of over the last few years. I have felt the growth and buoyancy of letting go and healing from a lot of my past hurts. I’m further evolving into a better version of myself, and I am proud of who I continue to become.

I think this is what makes it so hard to accept my “singleness”. I feel ready to find my person and enjoy my growth with that person, while also supporting theirs. I know I have a lot to offer because I have a huge heart and am ready to give it to the right guy who will value and treasure it. I am not wanting someone to make me feel loved because I don’t already love myself; I do not need someone, because I know I have been kickin’ ass and takin’ names on my own for the last four years. I do miss having a partner to share my day to day with, and enjoy in all that it is to be in a loving relationship. “Cravin’ that synergy” = accurate af. 

Do I remember all the responsibility and bullshit that also comes with being in a relationship? Sure, but I feel that I have learned a shitload from my past relationships, as well as my time of solitude. I tried the “no strings attached” thing while I was jaded and healing, because I was closed off and was not willing to open up. That worked for a while.. until I eventually grew to want all the “strings” (positive and negative) that come along with it. I confirmed that was not the right situation for me, even though deep down I knew that going into it. I feel as though I am now ready for a relationship, but again.. God laughs, because clearly I am still needing to learn or experience things on my own. 2o2o was supposed to be a reboot for me.. instead it has been a string of constant reminders of the crap I’ve tried to escape from.  

Ok.. I am reeeeally trying to trust this extremely elongated process. Everything happens (or doesn’t happen) for a reason, amiright...?

03/16/2020 - 1:57 AM

[contemporarythoughts]

Blackpool and its treasures- Unique Bath towels.       Having a breakfast in HIVE in Blackpool made me realise that art is coming out of galleries on bigger and bigger scale. It makes me really happy that artists have a platform to show and sell their work in a day-to-day environment, in a café, which  makes art itself more approachable. Four paintings hanging on the walls, two still life and two landscapes ready to be purchased, reminded me of Collector plan in welsh STORIEL, “own the art you love” project, which sympathised with the idea of art education on a daily basis, which is also being pursued by the artistic locations on the map of Blackpool and I count HIVE as one of them, because of putting effort in promoting & spreading awareness about local art. While on the subject of artistic locations , I also want to mention the Abingdon Studios. The parallel between them and HIVE is the everyday they bring to art. Garth Gratrix, the founding director of Abingdon Studios Ltd, whom I had the pleasure to meet, employs everyday and DIY materials such as wood, concrete blocks and found objects. He created a modern atelier studio, providing safe space to represent art, especially in lenses of sexuality and social identity. According to the artist, the studios were called by some as “messy space for messy people”. It addressed the problem of commissioned and independent art, the dialogue the today world has with commissioned gallery and autonomous studios. Modern artists do not just “sell” the art  they produce , but also the personality that goes with it. They have to built up an appearance not only in the artworld but also in the business industry. Gratrix said he had to negotiate, while building a certain level of importance to who he was as an art representative, to not be seen just as a “messy” owner of the new propriety. Personal details can affect the way you are perceived. He mentioned the “joke in the room” problem, when he felt as it was expected from him as a queer man to be joking rather than having a business conversation. I think like a constant reminder of that was the page of an article in one of the studios called: “ Are You in the market for Art?” hung within a newspaper-like composition on the wall. The practise is questioned not only by potential patrons but by the audience criticality, too. They are more interested in the process of making art, answering the question of what drove the artist to create this piece, the experience rather than the importance of aesthetics. It feels more personable this way, the viewers try to minimalise the unfamiliar in the mysterious figure who calls himself an artist in the 21st century. The audience is curious, trying to find a safe space, a sign or a moment that will allow them to bring an artist to a less intimidating form. What I find surprising it’s not the art that’s a component of relevance for a modern viewer, but the person who produces it. It’s a very Duchamp-like approach (art cannot exist without its creator, who is not only valuable, but the most important component, : 'I don't believe in art. I believe in artists.') The place gathering all the arts is obviously an art gallery. While my staying  in Blackpool, I went to Grundy Art Gallery, an important place in Gratrix’s life: “ When I was a child I thought, this feels like environment I want to be in, to be a part of “. He was everything his art was, playful, intelligent and with ready wit. Well aware of his heritage, the artist fulfilled the art viewer’s desire of getting to know him as a human being not just as an artist by introducing us to two male figures in his life, grandfather and father. Frivolity of taking a bath in “Shy Girl”, interfere with  aesthetics related to the darkest times in history of human kind (horror of concentration camps his grandfather experienced), consequently the artwork’s philosophy is more comparable to Susanna and the Elder’s bath than to seeming wantonness of summer holidays by the seaside. Even though the bath towels respond to the marine space and seeking for material relationships between them, it has a lot more to it. By making revolution in art through simplicity and play, but adding to it conceptualism, Gratrix again explores the artworld in very Duchamp-like way. Yet, Blackpool- located artist remains exceptionally original, adding to his art a part of himself- a pinch of comedy, he’s creating a unique three-way dialogue between us, him and the past. Then we laugh and notice that the past is also the contemporary ( from the 1940s to now, the importance of pink triangle symbol within LGBTQ+ community perceived back then as shame mark) we are the artist (moving the towels, by touching them we invade their constancy; a similar concept in “The Bride Stripped Bare by Her Bachelors, Even”, M. Duchamp) and the artist is the viewer, watching us from a distance. The UK society is mostly working class and “Shy Girl” is about a middle-class leisure time on a beach, but just as in "A Sunday on La Grande Jatte" by G. Seurat, it has a “ugly side” to it, revelling imperfections of society (monkey suggests the women’s a prostitute and this piece refers to sexual discrimination). The pink triangle, here a white triangle, being a part of the artistic narrative, makes the artist himself more approachable by drawing upon a personal anecdote and bringing it in the aesthetics. Sense of authenticity is additionally deepened by the fact Gratrix is a gay male artist, using his artistic voice and space given as a platform to speak out. Composition of “Shy Girl” is made of three bath towels, two of them are spread out, whereas the third one is crumpled. As we already know, they provoke a conversation about sexuality and identity but what I found especially interesting is that within the making process, the thought came first before the playful colour palette. The artist mentioned  the issue of identifying gender with colour- “feminine” or “ladylike” paints used for the art objects act really bold, standing in the way of stereotypical gay men portrayal, reminding me of increasing gender issues awareness welsh art exhibition: “ Button it up” in STORIEL, Bangor ( I found out that Roy Gratrix, the artist’s grandfather, played for the Bangor City Welsh Club, too!). The exhibition informs that pastel coloured children clothes began to be made from the middle of the 19th century with the start of cultural expectations given at birth. Language of colours is again linked to the narrative. “Cottage by the sea” towel, dominated by different light shadows of blue, purifies working class labour, makes it to be more elegant than it actually is, without pointillist monkeys and biblical duplicity (Seurant, S. & the elders). The artwork is  personified by the choice of its placement. Seen from every angle by an opening in the balcony upstairs and by being able to rearrange the towels, it truly resembles a shy girl trying to cover herself from a male gaze. Maybe we are the noisy elders in this situation? But the artwork’s purpose is to be seen, even watched and questioned and seeing Gratrix reaction when my professor accidentally left a pencil mark on the medium makes me understand the spirit of “Shy Girl”. After all it really has a positive, playful charm and impishness, which can not be forget as being a true essence of the artwork. - K.W

#garth gratrix #art contemporary #visual art #blackpool #uk #grundy art gallery

[theartofbeinganerd]

fs + "The problem is, if I kissed you, I don't think I'd be able to stop" YOU ARE AN AMAZING WRITER MY LORD

Oh my gosh, thank you so much anon!! And thank you for the prompt - there were so many different directions I could’ve gone with it, but this is the one that called out to me the most, so I hope you like it!

*Set in a non-SHIELD AU

(Ao3)

-

Hey Jemma! How havethings been? I’m going to be in town this weekend, and I thought it’d be niceto catch up a bit.

With wide, horrified eyes, Jemma scanned the relativelysimple text a couple more times before releasing a groan and burying her facein her pillow.

It had been almost a year and a half since she and Isaac hadmutually decided to break up; his company had transferred him to another branchhalfway across the country, and they’d agreed that keeping up the relationshiplong distance wasn’t what either of them had wanted at the time. Before thebreak-up, however, they’d been going strong, and it was the last seriousrelationship she’d had – but, she kept up with him on social media, and sheknew that he had a gorgeous newgirlfriend.

Of course, when the subject arose, she could just tell himthat she’d been focusing on work, or was simply uninterested in a relationship atthe moment – she could even respond to his text by telling him that she was toobusy to meet up at the moment, even though it was a blatant lie.

But, they truly had had a wonderful relationship, even if ithadn’t lasted long, and she didn’t want to miss an opportunity to catch up withan old friend just because she was embarrassed to admit she hadn’t had aserious boyfriend since theirs ended (or because she was afraid that he’d thinkshe was still into him, which was infinitely worse).

So, what was she to do, then?

Sighing in indecision, Jemma rolled over onto her side,where her gaze landed on her nightstand. There, sitting beside her alarm clock,was the framed picture she and Fitz had taken together on their trip to Perulast summer, wide grins plastered on their faces.

Inspiration hit her like a lightning strike, and she sat upwith a gasp. Of course – she couldtell Isaac that Fitz was herboyfriend! It was believable enough; they were both conventionally attractive,and had spent the better part of the past ten years at each other’s side, sothey were obviously compatible. With anyone else, it’d be practicallyinevitable that friendship would turn to romance, and Isaac didn’t have to knowthat she and Fitz were the exception.

Beaming in excitement and relief, Jemma quickly texted himback.

Hi Isaac! I’ve beenquite good, thank you. I’d love to catch up! I can’t wait to hear about thisgirlfriend you’re always talking about – and I’ll tell you all about my newrelationship as well, of course. Do you remember Fitz?

Letting out a content sigh, Jemma dropped back to themattress, already planning on the best way to break it to Fitz that she wasgoing to pretend, just for a little while, that they were dating. Surely, he’dbe alright with it, even if he put up a bit of a struggle at first; it was ofno consequence to him, really, not when Isaac still lived thousands of milesaway.

But, then, she received a response from Isaac, and her eyesnearly popped out of their sockets (well, alright, not nearly – that wasphysically impossible).

Wait wait wait – you andFitz?? Okay, this I have to see – I’ll invite Erica and you bring Fitz and we’llmake it a double date!

Oh no. Oh no.

Shit.

-

“You want me to what?”

Jemma winced, glancing around the cafeteria to make sure hisexclamation hadn’t drawn too much attention; perhaps, asking him for his helpduring their lunch break from work wasn’t the best of plans. “It’s not that bigof a deal, Fitz!” she insisted, clasping her hands beneath her chin and givinghim a pleading look. “I can’t go todinner with Isaac and his girlfriend and show up without you now!”

“But me?” Fitzgestured toward himself incredulously, his eyes widened. “Why would you even… Thewhole reason he’s expecting me is because youtold him we were dating – why the hellwould you do that, Simmons?!”

She sighed in exasperation, holding her hands outhelplessly. “I don’t know! I just sawthe picture of us on my nightstand and it was the only idea I could come up withand…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “Look, that doesn’t matter anymore;what matters is the fact that he’s expecting you to come to dinner with us.”

Fitz groaned, sagging a bit in his seat and rolling his eyestoward the ceiling. “Why don’t you tell him I’m just…I don’t know, busy orsomething? Working late or…maybe I died in a freak lab accident?” When Jemmashot him a disapproving glare, he shrugged. “What? It could happen!”

“Fitz, please, Ineed your help on this.” She reached across the table to lay her hand over his,giving him a pleading look. “I promise, I’ll never ask you to pretend to be my boyfriend ever again. Justtomorrow night, and then you’ll never even hearme say the word ‘boyfriend’ around you again.”

He made a strange face then, but he quickly dropped his gazeto his lap before she could try and figure it out. His shoulders rose and fell witha sigh, then he gave a jerky nod. “Alright. Alright, fine, just this once.”

Jemma let out a little squeal of excitement, jumping up fromher seat and hurrying around the table to grab him in a tight hug. “Oh thank you, Fitz! You’re the absolutebest, truly! I don’t know what I’d do without you!”

“Alright, yes, I’m a wonderful pushover, I understand,” Fitzgrumbled, though Jemma could tell that he was acting more bothered than heactually was.

She released him from the hug, but didn’t step backcompletely until after she’d pressed a quick kiss of gratitude to his cheek. “Youreally are a pushover, aren’t you?” she teased as he pointedly wiped his cheekwith his sleeve. “Fortunately for you, your secret’s safe with me.”

Fitz gave her a small smile, looking a bit weary all of asudden. “Yeah, fortunately.”

-

The next night, Jemma found herself at a table in anexpensive restaurant, sitting next to Fitz and across from Isaac and hisgirlfriend, Erica.

And things weren’t going well. At all.

They’d only been there for twenty minutes or so, and eventhough Fitz’s arm was around the back of Jemma’s chair and they were sittingclose together, she could just tellthat Isaac was suspicious. His sharp, narrowed eyes kept darting between them,even as he kept up the congenial conversation; she knew him well enough to knowthat he wasn’t completely buying the fake relationship she and Fitz were tryingto sell (which, truthfully, seemed a bit absurd – strangers always seemed tothink she and Fitz were dating when they very much weren’t pretending to be).

“So,” Isaac started casually, “how did you two even go aboutgetting together? I seem to remember that, despite being the closest pair ofbest friends I’ve ever seen, you were vehement about just being friends.”

Jemma shifted a bit nervously in her chair, but she’dprepared extensively for this, so shehurriedly began to recite her pre-planned story, “Oh, well, about six monthsago, on the twelfth of October – I remember because I had a dentist appointmentthe day before – Fitz and I went out, like we always do on Friday nights. Weeach had two and a half beers, which is enough alcohol to get the averageperson tipsy, and when we got back to his apartment at twelve thirty, Fitz kissedme. It was a complete surprise, of course, but then I kissed him back, and therest is history.”

She heard Fitz let out a quiet groan next to her, and saw Isaacarch an eyebrow as he said flatly, “Uh-huh.”

Beginning to panic a bit, Jemma cleared her throat and saidhurriedly, “Would you excuse us for a moment? I just need to talk to Fitz aboutsomething.” Without waiting for a response, she stood up, grasping Fitz’s handand leading him through the relatively crowded restaurant to the empty hallwayleading to the restrooms.

“He doesn’t believe us!” she hissed in distress, hooking herhands around her neck.

Fitz snorted, crossing his arms over his chest. “What? Howon earth could that be possible afterthat wonderfully detailed account of our first kiss?”

Jemma scowled, shoving his shoulder angrily. “Fitz! Would you take this seriously,please?”

“I am!” he insisted defensively.

“We need to sellit,” she explained, planting her hands on her hips and frowning inconcentration. “We need to do something that’ll make it impossible for him to believe anything but that we’re completely inlove.”

“And how do you plan to accomplish that?” Fitz askedskeptically.

Jemma gave it another moment of thought, then she gasped asit hit her. “Of course! Fitz, we can’tjust tell him we’ve kissed – we haveto actually kiss in front of him!”When his eyes widened, she hastily added, “I promise, I’ll make it up to you –I’ll even make you your favorite sandwich! For a week straight!”

He took a physical step back, looking a bit pale as hedragged a hand over his face. “Jemma…”

Concern began to build inside of her as she asked, “Fitz, isthere…is there a problem with that?” When his only response was to let out anincredulous huff, as though it should’ve been obvious, she went on hesitantly, “Is the problem that you’re…repulsedby the very idea of…kissing me?”

Fitz dropped his hand from his face, arching his eyebrows ather as he threw his hands up in surrender. “The problem is, if I kissed you…Idon’t think I’d be able to stop. Alright, there is it, okay?”

For a moment, the words just didn’t connect for Jemma,because Fitz didn’t want to kiss her –that was ridiculous! But, then she saw the desperate look in his eyes, theapologetic frown tugging his lips down at the corners, and she realized that hewas telling the truth, which meant…

Feeling her breathing pick up speed, her heartbeatquickening in her chest, Jemma asked in a whisper, “What?” There had to be somekind of explanation; perhaps she was dreaming, or Fitz had become an incredibleactor without her notice and was simply pulling one of his dumb pranks. It hadto be something other than…

Fitz let out a heaving breath, resting his hands on his hipsas he admitted, “At some point in the past couple of months, I…I dunno, I just…wokeup to the realization that maybe I…I have more than…friendly feelings toward you. And I’m sorry, Jemma, really. I never wanted to tell you, Ijust wanted things to stay the same, but then you asked me to pretend to beyour boyfriend and I thought maybe I’d be able to get through it without makingthings awkward but I just…I can’tkiss you. Because…because then I’ll have to spend the rest of my life knowingwhat it’s like and…and I just want us to be able to stay friends after this…”He pressed his lips together, his shoulders drooping a bit as he added sadly, “Thatis, if you even still want to be.”

For a brief moment, Jemma continued to gape at Fitz as hiswords sunk in. Then, however, she did the only thing she could think to do inthat moment; she surged forward, cradling his face in her hands as she pressedher lips to his.

It was far better than she ever could’ve imagined, his lips were warm and softand fit perfectly against hers, and Jemma had the sudden, insane thought thatmaybe she would be the one that was unableto stop. But, then, before she could test that hypothesis, Fitz abruptly brokeaway from her.

Blinkingly dazedly, Jemma watched Fitz turn away from her,practically trembling as he pressed one hand to the wall, almost as though heneeded the support to continue standing. “Jemma, don’t – please don’t just do that because…because of my feelings.That’s the last thing I want, okay?”

Gently, she reached out to grasp his arm, tugging until he’dturned back around to face her, revealing his eyes filled with worry and fearand an affection he was clearly trying to hide. “Fitz,” she started softly, butalso firmly, refusing to allow him to have any doubts, “I did that because of my feelings.” When he raised hiseyebrows in clear disbelief, she went on haltingly, “It never made sensebefore, the way I feel about you, I mean, until…until just now, when you said Iwas more than a friend to you and…and of course now it’s obvious and I feel so ridiculously blind and…” She paused, thenasked sadly, “Why didn’t you tell me before,Fitz?”

He blinked a couple of times, looking completely shocked.After a moment, he quietly confessed, “I just never thought… It never seemedpossible… Jemma, are you…are you sure?”

Jemma laughed softly, nodding as she trailed her fingersdown his arm to clasp his hand within hers. “I am,” she assured him.

Fitz smiled a bit disbelievingly, giving her hand a tinysqueeze as he said with a chuckle, “Y’know, I never expected this reaction – I mean, it’s definitelymuch better than all of the scenarios I’d imagined could happen if I ever toldyou about my feelings, which…usually involved the world ending, or something.”

She rolled her eyes fondly, a beaming grin on her face asshe popped up onto the tips of her toes to kiss him again. It was meant to bebrief, but as she went to part from him, Fitz’s free hand rose to cup the backof her head, keeping her close. His lips moved slowly over hers, as though hewanted to memorize every inch of her, wanted to memorize the shape of hermouth, the taste of her lips. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, dragging amoan from her throat, and she had to clutch his shoulders as she became justslightly lightheaded.

After a long moment, Jemma managed to find the strength tolean back just enough to tell him slyly, “If we leave now, I promise this isthe last time you’ll have to stop kissing me all night long.”

He made a show of thinking it over, unsuccessfully hidinghis brilliant grin as he replied, “I’ll only agree if you throw in the rest ofour lives.”

Jemma couldn’t help her joyful little laugh, giving his handa quick squeeze. “We’ll see how tonight goes, but the odds appear to be in yourfavor.”

With that, they returned to the table, hand-in-hand and notbothering to hide the telling grins on their faces. “I’m sorry to cut the nightshort, but we’re going to take off,” she explained to Isaac and Erica, tryingto sound apologetic, but she didn’t think she got the tone quite right – nor didshe really care at the moment.

Isaac lifted his eyebrows, glancing between them in clearsurprise, then he cleared his throat lightly. “Yeah, sure, that’s fine.”However, he then leaned in and told Fitz lowly, “Hey, you’ve…uh…you’ve got somelipstick, just uh…” He pointed to his own mouth, wincing a bit.

Both Fitz and Jemma gave embarrassed laughs, and she quicklythumbed away the bit of her lipstick clinging to his bottom lip. “Thanks, mate,”Fitz said, flushing slightly, but looking too proud of himself to be truly self-conscious.

They turned to leave, but Isaac called after them, and oncethey’d glanced back, he admitted, “I’m happy for you guys, you know. It’s goodto see that you’ve finally caught up to what everyone else always thought wasinevitable – even though you both denied it.”

Jemma shared a soft smile with Fitz as she murmured, “Yeah,me too.”

#shayna writes #fsfic #fitzsimmons #prompts #fake dating au #non-shield au #this one was fun #the first fake dating au i've written for fs! #Anonymous

[elizabethcariasa]

May Day! Mayday! Don't fall for these 5 COVID-19 relief payment myths

You won't have to issue a mayday call if you don't fall for any of the many myths surrounding the COVID-19 relief payments.

May 1 is celebrated as, obviously, May Day. Across much of the world, at least part of today is dedicated to acknowledging, usually festively, workers' contributions.

However, it also can be a warning. Mayday as one word, mayday, often repeated, it is an internationally recognized distress signal.

During the coronavirus pandemic, both etymologies apply.

Scary, nonworking May Day: Workers globally have lost their job as businesses have closed to help slow the spread of COVID-19. We're still recognizing the work that so many continue to do, even in the face of this deadly disease, but most of the celebrating is done at a safe social distance.

As for warnings in coronavirus time, you also can add the mayday call to myths about the relief payments that millions in the United States are awaiting.

Those who've lost their jobs (and more, such as their medical insurance), are desperate for the checks, which could be as much as $1,200 person plus $500 for qualifying dependent children.

But the wait for and confusion about the payments' computation and delivery has led to many misconceptions. Here are five common COVID-19 economic relief payment myths making the rounds.

1. Everyone is going to get $1,200. While many are, the maximum $1,200 person payout isn't going to show up in every person's bank account or snail mail box. People who have higher incomes will see their payments reduced phased out incrementally for individuals with no children where their adjusted gross income (AGI) is more than $75,000 for single people; $112,500 for taxpayers filing as head of household; or $150,000 for taxpayers filing a joint return.

The Coronavirus Aid, Relief and Economic Security (CARES) Act that created the payments also decreed that folks won't get any COVID-19 relief money if their AGIs are more than $99,000 for single filers; $136,500 for head-of-household taxpayers; or $198,000 for married couples filing jointly.

The phase-out income levels are a bit higher for folks with kids. The Internal Revenue Service table below shows how the COVID-19 economic relief payment is reduced based on your AGI and number of eligible children (those age 16 or younger) you can claim.

Even those who do qualify for the maximum payout could see less when it arrives. The COVID relief payments are not subject to most types of federal offsets that usually are attached to things like your tax refund, such as overdue student loan payments or unpaid taxes. However, if a recipient is behind on child support, that due amount likely will be taken out before the relief payment is made. There's also the possibility the payments could take a hit from some types of state or local government garnishments, as well as court-ordered paycheck collections.

2. Unemployment benefits disqualify you from getting the payment. Not true, and that's a huge sigh of relief you're hearing across the country from the more than 30 million folks thrown out of jobs since the coronavirus began spreading across the United States. So collect that unemployment check (if your state government is able to get it to you) and expect your COVID-19 economic relief payment, too.

The federal relief payments being distributed now are based on the amount of money you made either in 2018 or 2019. The Treasury and IRS don't care what you're making (or not) in 2020. However, this year's income could come into play as far as COVID-19 relief when you file your tax return next year. If you didn't get the maximum amount based on your prior taxes, for example, you had an eligible dependent this year who was not shown on your earlier returns, you can claim that relief amount when you file your 2020 taxes in 2021. Yeah, I know. The wait is not what you need. But at least you'll get your money eventually.

3. The COVID-19 economic relief payment is taxable income. Again, no. The relief money is not income. It is a tax credit. Just like the child tax credit or Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC), it's a tax break that's calculated based on your eligibility and is used to offset any tax you owe. Tax credits aren't taxed. In some cases, they're even refundable, meaning you get money back even if you don't owe taxes. You don't owe taxes the next year on any credits you get on your prior tax filings.

This tax credit math is usually done when you file your return. But in order to get the COVID relief money out more quickly, it's being issued as an advance tax credit on your 2020 taxes based on your 2018 or 2019 returns. But its tax treatment remains the same. It's not taxable.

4. You'll have to pay back a too-big COVID-19 economic relief payment. This is the companion to the tax credit myth. Again, not true. While the multiple tax years involved in the COVID relief payments definitely lend to the confusion about the money, the good news here is that if you got an overly large amount based on your 2018 or 2019 returns, don't worry about it.

Uncle Sam says that even if your 2020 taxes, for which the payment is an advance tax credit, shows you should have received less, you get to keep the over payment that the government made this year. That's because at the time the IRS calculated the COVID-19 relief amount you were due, the agency was using the latest info it had, your prior filings. So even though it technically is a 2020 tax year advance credit, the timing of its early delivery means that the IRS doesn't care about your 2020 money, at least as far as the COVID-19 economic relief payment is concerned.

And there's even better news. As noted in myth #2 and worth repeating here, if you didn't get as much this year in your COVID relief payment as you eventually find you are due based on your 2020 tax situation, you can collect that unpaid amount when you file your 2020 return next year.

5. There are special ways to speed up delivery of my relief payment. Treasury and the IRS already have established the payment schedule for the COVID-19 economic relief money. It's going to direct deposit accounts first, then paper checks will be dropped in the mail. The payments also are being sent to the lowest-income taxpayers first in either the electronic or snail mail delivery route.

The only sure-fire way to get your COVID-19 economic relief payment more quickly is to get your direct deposit data to the IRS using the enhanced Get My Payment tool. If the IRS doesn't have that information, it will mail you a paper check via the U.S. Postal Service. But you need to hurry. If when you do try to let the IRS know your bank info you find that it's already decided you'll get a paper check, you can't change that. You'll get a paper check.

So don't fall for "offers" that promise to get you your COVID-19 money more quickly. Any phone calls or texts or emails from folks, some pretending to be with Treasury, the IRS or the Social Security Administration, are coronavirus scams. Don't fall for them. It could cost you even more than the relief payment amount you're expecting.

  Coronavirus Caveat & More Information In 2020, we're all dealing with extraordinary circumstances, both in our daily lives and when it comes to our taxes. The COVID-19 pandemic and efforts to reduce its transmission and protect ourselves and our families means that, for the most part, we're focusing on just getting through these trying days. But life as we knew it before the coronavirus will return, along with our mundane tax matters. Here's hoping that happens soon! In the meantime, you can find more on the virus and its effects on our taxes by clicking Coronavirus (COVID-19) and Taxes.

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[riv-ika]

Hey there, it's confused anon again. I've been thinking about the whole bi thing and I think what's holding me back and making me still question it is my parents. I know how they are with this kind of thing, and while I'm not the biggest fan of my mom and brother I'd still hate the possibility of not talking to any of my family if I was to end up with a girl. Obviously I don't have to come out to them, but if I started dating a girl it might be hard not to. I just don't know what to do

hello again, anon!! coming out is...a fun subject. don’t ever, ever feel pressured to come out. sometimes it’s just plain safer to stay in the closet or you might just want to be there regardless of safety. coming out is never a requirement and don’t let anybody tell u otherwise. and remember: being in the closet doesn’t mean you can’t be proud. and it certainly isn’t shameful.

as for coming to terms with sexuality when you’re living with people who don’t support it: it is tough. i’ve known i was bi for not even a year now and i still question things every once in a while, though, admittedly, it’s a little easier now that i’m out. (but my family’s different, don’t take them as an example) what if i’m faking it for attention? what if i’m just appreciating physical beauty? my philosophy has been that the first thoughts you have about anything are the thoughts that have been instilled in you by the world around you and the next ones are the ones that are really your own. that’s really helped me in figuring out the mess that is me. you have to drown out the other people in your house and listen to yourself instead.

if you do end up in a situation where hiding your sexuality becomes difficult, i have a few tips, which i’m going to use at my family reunion next week.

- avoid politics like the plague. even supporting or defending something remotely related to the lgbt community can make people suspicious, so honestly sometimes it’s just better to avoid current events entirely. if a situation does come up where you have to talk about politics, be as neutral as possible.

- gender neutral terms are your friend. saying ‘this classmate/this coworker/this person i’m into’ is easier than switching pronouns sometimes. it’s harder to keep calling the girl you like by ‘he’ than it is to just say ‘they’ or even their title/job/whatever. (that’s a bit confusing, i hope it makes sense)

- keep your social life private. i don’t know how open about your friends you are to your family, but the less details they know, the easier it is to keep dating that way, too. slowly working into a position where your family doesn’t know everything about your friends makes it easier to keep girlfriends out of their business, too.

- dont ever feel guilty about lying. in an uncomfortable position with politics at the table? pretend to support the thing they want you to. you know you don’t really believe it and so long as you remember that, it shouldn’t be a dent in your conscience. your parents ask if you’re dating someone? nope. or if you’re feeling especially guilty, just say you have a boyfriend. (unless they’re the ‘must meet the person ur dating’ kind of parents. just say no and spare yourself the fake boyfriend trope.) your safety is more important than telling the truth!!!!!

i hope this helped! im so glad to hear that you’ve started figuring things out. i know it seems like the distance to go is impossible, but just remember the many miles you’ve travelled already getting here. questioning your sexuality in the first place is one of the biggest steps.

my inbox is always open if u need more help, friend! <3 good luck and stay safe