still on s1 of yellowjackets, (so no spoilers plz), but the AUDACITY! to make christina ricci the "ugly girl" omG! grown up misty quigley is so fucking hot (and not just weird girl hot, but regular smoking hot) i am getting short circuited whenever she's on screen. MY GOSH. hot and competent with a side of unhinged????? that's my woman
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An Ode to Twenty-Five Twenty-One (or more fittingly, my own youth)
“That summer was ours to keep.” – Na Heedo
When I think about my youth, there is a particular memory of our first road trip to the mountains that comes to mind. We were chasing waterfalls (literally) and ended up walking for 5 hours in the scorching sun with nothing but a bottle of water and a packet of biscuits shared amongst the five of us - all I remember were the fireworks of laughter amongst the silence of the mountains. The sky was like a wildfire that day and the winding track felt endless, but our legs beat on; we arrived at our destination. In retrospect, our journey that felt like it had no end was merely a ripple within the ocean of time; I guess that became my anecdote of youth: fleeting, but in the moment, infinite.
Memory works in funny ways. I find myself to be forgetting more and more of my youth as time passes. It wasn’t until the final scene of 2521 when I sat in the complete still of my bedroom that this particular moment returned.
This encapsulates the experience of watching 2521. To me, its magic was not only in its ability to craft people and places that we came to love despite never meeting, but more importantly, the way in which it inspires us to reflect on our own lives albeit through a retrospective or a prospective lens.
A drama, book, song, etc. will sometimes come along at the right time, at the right place, and for me, that was 2521. As such, this review will be different from others as I try to map how the drama has given me a renewed perspective about my own life.
I began watching the drama at a definitive point in my life -- this year marks the tenth year of my relationship. We were childhood friends who began dating in our later teenage years. Our relationship while wonderful, has always been understated. Seeing the selfless love between Baek Yi Jin and Nam Hee Do on-screen was both familiar and inspiring. I saw us in them -- the way they supported each other to become better versions of themselves, encouraging each other to jump higher, run faster, and to dream. As Hee Do states: Liking someone means I can learn about myself. And truer words have never been said! In their love I saw the extraordinary in the ordinary and this made me feel grateful for what I have.
Then there was the friendship that was beautiful for what it was but also, transient like most things in life (ah, Baek Yi Jin only believed in the consistency of gravity and in retrospect, the writers did prepare us for what was to come, we were just unwilling to accept it). As of recent, one of my close friends from high school informed me that she was going to be a mother. This was the first time we spoke in the last two years. While I was elated for her, I didn’t think much of our conversation until I watched the scene where an older Hee Do reflects: My diary from those days is filled with just love and friendship. A time when friendship and love were all that mattered in life. A time like that lasts only for a moment. And this is true of my own life where the high school friends that I used to spend almost every living second with became faces I would see once a month, to once a year and gradually once every couple of years. Like Yu Rim, Hee Do, Ji Woong, Seung Wan and Yi Jin - just because we are apart doesn’t mean we don’t care for one another, however, the drama confronts us once again with the fleeting nature of youth.
Now, while the ending may not have been ideal (who am I kidding, I cried for 90-minutes straight), it was fitting to the overall theme of the drama - our youth is beautiful in its ephemerality. In saying that, I may have not been so distraught if the end result was fitting of the process... How are we to believe that the compassionate Hee Do would leave Yi Jin at his lowest point, and for the steadfast Yi Jin to apply for a job overseas without informing Hee Do. I don’t mind a sad ending if it aligns with the character’s motivation and behaviour but this ending destroyed me. And as the credits roll, in its wake was a complete feeling of emptiness -- a brutal reminder that people come and go, and life continues, and the only thing that remains constant is gravity itself.
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I forgot how lonely it is to write original fiction.
Where are the kudos? The subscriptions? The comments? The people cheerleading me chapter to chapter? Where are the kind words and compliments and reassurances that what I'm writing isn't complete crap? Where are the unhinged emojis? The asks on Tumblr? Where are my mutuals in my dms apologizing for not reading the latest chapter right away (side note, you know you don't have to apologize at all, right??). Where is the fanart? Where are the recs?
Where is my motivation to keep going?
It's something I've been thinking about a lot, actually, lately. How the experience of writing fanfic is so unique. How you already have an audience, willing and waiting and captive. And that's really it, isn't it? You have an audience. It's almost performative, writing fanfic. It's being on a stage, a one-person show (or two, if you do it with a friend); it's getting live reactions to your performance, it's feeding off the energy of the crowd and informing it back in a feedback loop; it's improvised, sometimes, in almost-real-time. It's building something that you couldn't have built by yourself. A thing that takes on a life of its own.
It's an experience you can't get writing original fiction, and, honestly, not having it is making it hard to write something original at all.
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clingy!rin is my favorite rin <3
it’s 4:30 am, and rin is now wide awake.
rin woke up 30 minutes before his alarm went off. his eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. he blinked a few times, his brain slowly registering that something was off.
that's when he saw your figure turning away from him, your back facing him. you weren't cuddled in his arms like how he remembered falling asleep.
he frowned, his eyebrows furrowed, a typical expression he held in his everyday life, but never towards you. never because of you. except now.
this was the first time it happened. or was it? did you always slip away from his hold when he was fast asleep? did you not like having him close like how he wanted you snuggled in him? or maybe he did something wrong last night? was it something he said? he couldn't recall.
all he knew right now was that he didn't like it. you don’t get to do this to him, rin thought. cuddles were a must for him to function properly! he will never tell you that but he knows you know that!
he laid there for a moment, staring at your back. as much as he hated what was happening right now, he didn't want to wake you up. because as much as you love and adore rin, the earliest of waking up as a part of the pro-athlete life was something you would never try. who in their right mind would wake up at the crack of dawn just to be tired all over again? definitely not you.
rin continued staring at you until his alarm went off. the loud blaring of his alarm stirred you from your sleep. slowly, you turned to rin, and your sleepy eyes blinked up to meet his narrowed ones.
uh oh. someone didn’t have a great sleep, you thought.
“your alarm, rinnie. time to start the day.” you said.
that’s all you could say? no explanation? fine.
rin let out what seemed like a huff, causing you to open your eyes. lo and behold, rin was pouting.
rin itoshi was pouting. at 5 am.
curious as to what was making your lover sulk so early in the morning, you reached out to cup his jaw. “what’s wrong, baby?” you asked softly.
“you.”
it was now your turn to frown. “me? what do you mean?”
“you were turned away from me.” rin said, his voice barely louder than a whisper.
you must be on a mission to completely infuriate him as you utter a “huh?” in response.
“i woke up and you were turned away from me.” rin replied, a little bolder and louder this time.
“oh.”
rin scoffed at your realization, completely opposite to the smile forming on your lips.
you opened your arms, beckoning him closer. “come here, rinnie,” you said, your voice tender and soothing.
rin might be feeling a little grumpy, but who was he to decline such a sweet offer?
slowly, rin laid himself in your arms, his face buried in your neck as he took his time to get lost in your scent.
you stroked rin's hair, “i'm sorry,” you said, leaving a gentle kiss on his forehead, kissing the grumpiness away, “i must have moved in my sleep.”
rin let out a sigh at your answer, accepting that it was out of your control.
he wrapped his arms around you tighter, pulling you close to him. “just don't do it again,” he said, his voice hot against your neck. “i need you close to me.”
you smiled at his words. even if your boyfriend might be frequently grumpy and unconventionally clingy, you still wouldn’t have it any other way.
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