#one day i WILL address the kind messages in my inbox

[critterbitter]

Note: I already have a queue lined up, but this would help give insight on what to feed you guys next week. Like prepping birdseed for pidgeys in a park!

(Have fun submas takes? Hot head cannons? Criminal thoughts that are begging to be released into the chasm of my canvas?

Feel free to scream them here! I am Listening.)

Link to submas masterpost btw!

#i am but mortal and i have too many wips #so this is for me to decide what to give priority to #one day i WILL address the kind messages in my inbox #…today can be that day. time to do some spring cleaning #(they r about to watch the pokemon iteration of godzilla minus one) #submas #poll #elesa #ingo #emmet #lampent #eelektrik #emolga #pokemon elesa #pokemon ingo #pokemon emmet #submas emmet #submas ingo #subway master ingo #subway boss ingo #sbms #ingo pokemon #emmet pokemon #pokemon #art #sketch #sketchbook #myart #fanart #nimbasa trio

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Shooting a Movie part 2

Note: as if I can write a one chapter thing. nope! once again; shoutout to @foxyanon for letting me ramble about this fic to her as I made it up!

follow up to part 1.

Warnings: 18+!! smut/brief hint of angst. The pornstar plot continues with Sihtric.

pairing: Modern!Sihtric x you (f)

summary: your next job offer was to make a movie with Sihtric.

wordcount: 5k

Masterlist

Your movie with Masema had been a success, and the movie offers came rolling in your manager's inbox ever since it was released.

You viewed all the offers but none really made you excited as they were, as expected, all made for the hardcore porn industry. Masema had told you he'd always be up for another movie if you would be interested, all you had to do was contact his manager and he'd be game. But as much as you had loved your little adventure with the dominant man, the hardcore stuff was not what you wanted to focus on necessarily right now, so you turned down offer after offer.

However, after a few weeks you contemplated hitting up Masema again, as you simply needed work in order to pay your bills, but before you could reach out you suddenly received an interesting message; a role in a more soft porn movie was available, and the male co-star was none other than Sihtric Kjartansson.

Sihtric was a very well known name in the industry, just like Masema, and it wasn't easy to make it through the selection to work with him. You and many others swore Sihtric and Masema could've been twins, but they both truly didn't know each other nor had they ever met, despite working in the same industry. There were some differences between the two men though. Sihtric was scarred and had several tattoos on his body, and he had an outrageous but damned sexy haircut with half of his head shaved and the other half full with long, dark curls. But their personalities were completely different as well. Masema was stern, serious and rather quiet, whereas Sihtric was not taking himself seriously at all, he just wanted to have fun. And from the stories you had heard in the dressing rooms and at parties, Sihtric was truly kind, gentle and very warmhearted. Everyone who had worked with Sihtric had nothing but praise for him, and you hoped you would soon be one of the lucky ones who could tell nice stories about him.

You reacted to the available spot, and to your surprise you got a phone call from Sihtric himself only a few days later to tell you that you were his first choice.

'There's a script,' Sihtric said on the phone, 'it's a roleplay but I haven't read it yet. I thought maybe we could go through it together?'

Sihtric's voice melted your insides, sounding so warm and playful, and you already couldn't wait to finally meet him. You'd seen several of his movies, and you had never failed to get off by watching him, but you weren't exactly planning on telling him that.

'Sure, that sounds great,' you said, glad that he couldn't see your flushed face.

'Great,' Sihtric said and laughed softly, which weakened your knees, 'how do you want to meet? I just want to make sure you're all comfortable, you know? I could come over to your place if you'd wish, if you feel safe and at ease there, but you're always welcome to come over to my place. Or, we could always meet up for lunch or something and just go over it, no matter how weird that may be,' he laughed again.

'Eh,' you stammered a little lightheaded, 'no, I- I'll come over to your place, no worries.'

You preferred to visit your co-stars instead of inviting them over to your home, that way you can always leave whenever you want to in case you don't vibe with them.

'Alright, cool,' Sihtric said with clear excitement in his voice, 'I'll make sure I have the scripts here and I'll text you my address. If you're cool with me texting you of course,' he quickly checked.

'Sure, you can text me,' you smiled.

When you arrived at the apartment building Sihtric lived in you double checked the address he had texted you before getting out of your car. The neighbourhood looked rather dodgy, even on a late afternoon, and not a place where a famous and rich pornstar would live. You were hesitant to get out of your car as you saw a group of men hanging out near the building, and so you texted Sihtric to ask if you were really at the right place. You looked at the building again and got spooked when your phone suddenly rang as Sihtric called you.

'Sihtric?' you answered.

'Yeah, hey,' he chuckled as he ran down some stairs, his footsteps echoing loudly in the background, 'you're at the right place, but I know how it looks. I'm on my way to pick you up, don't worry.'

He had barely said those words when you saw the main entrance door swing open and Sihtric stepping through it. He looked so good while so casually dressed, wearing black leather boots with black sweatpants and a half buttoned up grey flannel on top. His outfit coincidentally matched with your short black skirt and dark grey t-shirt.

Sihtric hung up as soon as he saw you step out of your car, and he showed you a big smile as he approached you with open arms, inviting you in for a hug.

'Hey, babe,' he said so smoothly and naturally while he pulled you in for a tight embrace, 'sorry about the place,' he rambled before you could even greet him back, 'I've lived here almost all my life and I'm used to it. I actually never invite colleagues over for that reason and stop by them, so when I invited you I forget this place looks dodgy as fuck. Sorry about that,' he took a step back and held your hands, 'damn, you look gorgeous by the way,' he made you twirl around for him as he held your hand so he could check you out, 'how are you, darling?'

'I- Oh,' you giggled as you nearly fell in his arms, 'I'm good,' you smiled and already felt yourself getting lost in his mismatched eyes, 'and how are you?'

'Couldn't be better,' Sihtric smiled sweetly and then noticed he had never given you the time or space to close your car door, so he shut it for you.

'Thanks,' you felt yourself already constantly blushing in his presence.

Sihtric waved off your gratitude and took your hand, holding it as he walked you towards the building.

His apartment was bigger than you had expected, but still very modest and it was evident that a single guy lived there. His living room was a little bit messy, but not dirty, and you wondered why someone who earned the amount of money he did lived in a place like that. There was nothing wrong with it though, but it was the total opposite of Masema's mansion for example, as Sihtric only seemed to have one bedroom instead of six. And in a way you actually liked that, because Sihtric clearly wasn't flashy and showing off his money; he liked to keep life simple and it seemingly kept him grounded too.

You sat down on his black leather couch while he poured you a drink, and after some small talk you moved on to the reason for this meeting.

'Okay,' Sihtric said with a sigh as he held the scripts in his hand, 'I've only read the pairing and it's as cliché as it gets, but,' he paused for a second and handed you the one script, 'I think it's hilarious and we can work with it.'

'What's the pair- oh,' you snorted when you saw the roles selected, 'teacher and student, really?'

'I know,' Sihtric laughed and let himself fall back into his comfy couch next to you, 'let's see what we got here then,' he said and flipped the first page.

You sipped your drink while his eyes scanned the first page, and a frown appeared on his face before it transformed into a grin.

'Oh, hold on,' he chuckled, 'I expected me to be the intimidating teacher and you the hot student, but it looks like they reversed the roles for once.'

'What?' you nearly choked on your drink and flipped the page, 'oh, shit,' you laughed.

'This is ridiculous,' Sihtric laughed again as he read the context of the written scenes, 'I have to eat you out to crank my grade up? And in return for my good behaviour you give me a blowjob? I would've been a fucking A student in school if this was how it worked,' he snorted, and you both laughed as you continued to read.

'Oh, we have sex on the teacher's desk, obviously,' you rolled your eyes with a smile.

'I love how awful this is,' Sihtric said and shook his head, smiling, 'who even writes this shit?'

'The writer should be stated in the back right?' you had barely spoken the words or Sihtric already flipped to the last page.

'Let's see. Hm, one… Osferth?' Sihtric furrowed his brow and then laughed, 'what a freaky dude. Anyway, are you up for this though?' Sihtric looked at you and threw his script on his salon table.

'Eh,' you paused as you quickly looked through the written acts again, 'yeah, it's all fine by me. Nothing we haven't done before. I'm cool with this. You?'

'Of course,' he said and turned to face you, resting his arm on the couch's backrest behind you.

You also turned towards him, feeling comfortably shy under his intense but soft and sweet gaze. You knew he wanted more than to discuss that script with you, but it was also clear that he gave you enough space to tell him you didn't want anything more right now if that would be the case. But you had no plans of stopping him, as you wanted to explore him as much as he wanted to explore you. And Sihtric sensed that, he was good at reading people and feeling their energy, and he liked what you radiated. He then leaned in a little closer and hooked one finger around the delicate golden necklace you wore.

'Gift from a lover?' he asked as he looked at the little heart pendant.

'Oh, no,' you said, 'I just liked it and bought it myself some years ago.'

'Ah,' he clicked his tongue, 'fair. I saw it in one of your movies and I thought it was just an accessory at first, but I got curious now seeing you wear it in private.'

'You got curious?' you asked with a playful smile, 'curious to what? If I'm seeing someone?'

'Just curious is all, sweetheart,' Sihtric said with a soft voice, and he smiled while his fingers grazed your collar bones lightly after letting go of your necklace.

'So you've seen my work?' you continued to question him.

'Your latest one, yeah,' he confessed, his fingers trailing down your arm, 'I had heard your name a few times before, I knew you were pretty new but also rapidly gaining an impressive resume.'

'And you wanted to work with me because of my last movie? Because that was really just me exploring the industry a little further.'

'I figured,' Sihtric smiled and placed his hand on your thigh, 'but it was a good movie. And you're now the first girl who got to kiss Masema on screen.'

'That's a title I proudly earned,' you smiled, to which Sihtric laughed and leaned in closer.

'You know, I'm also not one to kiss in my movies,' he half whispered and circled your lips with his thumb, 'but I understand Masema, because you make it so damned tempting.'

You smiled a little shyly, which he enjoyed, and he moved even closer while you remained somewhat frozen.

'You can touch me, you know,' he purred with a flirty smile and took your hand to place it on his chest.

You giggled softly, and Sihtric lightly caressed your cheek with his fingers. You looked up at him for a moment, and then your eyes darted between his slightly parted lips and his eyes, which popped out because of his black eyeliner, and you immediately looked down at your hand on his chest after you noticed he saw you had looked at his lips.

'What's the matter?' he asked sweetly, 'getting shy? There's no reason for that. I'm sure you've seen my work, so we've seen each other naked already anyway, what else is there to be shy about?'

'I just struggle to not kiss you,' you confessed.

'Why do you want to kiss me so badly?' he asked with a smirk.

'Because you're cute,' you shrugged, 'and really good looking of course.'

'Well, so are you,' Sihtric half whispered, 'so in that case, maybe you could kiss me.'

'Can I?' you asked as you both leaned in closer, feeling his breath on your lips.

'You can, but you're getting me all nervous now,' he chuckled, 'it's been a while since I properly kissed someone.'

You smiled compassionately at him, hoping to ease his sudden nerves, and you moved your hands up to his neck as you leaned in to softly peck his lips. Another nervous chuckle escaped Sihtric as you pulled back to look at him, wanting to make sure that everything was fine with him, but the blush on his cheeks told you everything you needed to know without even asking, and you brought your lips back to his again.

'That okay?' you asked after a longer kiss.

'Mhm,' Sihtric hummed softly against your lips and moved his hands to your face, pulling you back in again for another tender kiss.

He pulled you in his lap, and you straddled him while you continued to kiss gently and slowly, while not lacking the intensity of that steamy kiss you had shared with Masema. Sihtric moaned softly into your mouth when the kiss deepened, and you became a little lightheaded when you felt his tongue piercing lightly grazing your lips and tongue.

'You good?' you asked after he broke the kiss for some air.

'Mhm, don't stop,' Sihtric breathed against your lips, and immediately snuck his tongue in your mouth again at the first opportunity.

His fingers slid under your short skirt, settling on your buttocks while you unbuttoned the rest of his flannel and pushed it down his shoulders. You felt the cold steel of his silver rings on your skin while you kissed his jaw and up to his earlobe, where you playfully tugged his dangling cross earring lightly with your teeth, before you kissed under his ear and down his neck.

Sihtric smiled and threw his head back on his couch, enjoying the way your lips felt on his skin a little more than he perhaps should, but you somehow made him feel so good, he relished in it.

He hooked his arms under your knees after a moment, and lifted you smoothly his arms as he got up, walking you over to his office desk which was located in front of the living room window, overlooking the rather shady neighbourhood from the third floor, and he took off his flannel as soon as he had sat you down. You bit down on your lip as you smiled, eyeing up his muscular and scarred torso before you placed your hand on the back of his neck and pulled him back in for another kiss while you wrapped your legs around his waist, locking him in.

'Tell me what you like,' Sihtric breathed against your lips, his hands roaming your body before taking off your shirt.

'Anything, handsome,' you laughed your signature cheeky laugh, which took Sihtric by surprise and he simply melted inside.

He smiled at you, his eyes half dazed while his lips were touching yours and his hand holding your face.

'Anything, baby?' he murmured playfully and then pushed your mini skirt further up, his fingers curled around the elastic band of your seethrough panties, 'that's not good enough for me though, I need to hear what you want.'

'Your cock,' you smiled and cupped his arousal through his black sweatpants.

'You want my cock?' he teased, 'hm, how badly?'

His warm and soft voice sent tingles down your spine while he held your face close to his, lips and noses touching as you both smiled at each other.

'Really badly,' you whispered seductively and lowered his sweatpants.

You attempted to pull down his boxers too, but Sihtric playfully slapped your hands away.

'Nah-ah,' he chuckled, 'it's my turn first,' he winked and dropped to his knees.

He pulled your panties down so fast you had no idea how he had done it, and before you could even adjust to the sudden change your legs were already upon his broad shoulders and his head between your thighs. He knew the script had more foreplay, but he also knew neither of you were sticking to the script in any way right now, except that you were sitting upon a desk and he was about to taste you.

You gasped when you felt him kiss and suck your clit lightly before he started to lick you, his piercing then hitting the right spot with every roll of his tongue. You squirmed at the feeling and fell back on his desk. His grip on you was loose and relaxed, he knew you weren't going to try and get away from him because the sounds you made told him you were enjoying yourself too much.

Your breath hitched in your throat at the feeling of his facial hair against your skin, and you couldn't stop smiling at the way he pleasured you so gently yet firm. You moved one hand down into his dark curls, and the vibration of his low and satisfying hums against your core made you squeal and tug his hair each time while you arched your back, much to Sihtric's own pleasure. He had you at his mercy so easily and he loved it. He wanted you to feel as good as it felt for him, and knowing he didn't even have to use his hands on you to make you feel this good stroked his ego and made him feel content too. He could get off by just pleasing you all night.

'Hm, please,' you mumbled, smiling, desperately needing more.

You pushed yourself up your elbows to look at Sihtric, but you immediately fell back down lightheaded after having locked eyes with him while he slowly teased you with the tip of his tongue and winked at you. You were left breathless and swore you saw stars after you laid back down again, and that was not just because you were looking out of the window.

'Just relax for me,' Sihtric cooed and moved up, leaning in over you and pressing his hard trapped cock against your folds while he took your chin, 'let me take care of you, please? A pretty girl like you deserves to be taken care of.'

'But what if I want to take care of you?' you asked with a slight pout.

'You're too pretty to get down on your knees for me,' Sihtric whispered with a soft smile, 'we can do that when we're filming. But I'm not letting you do that here, not this first time, okay, sweetheart?'

'O-okay,' you mumbled as he leaned his forehead against yours.

'Did you like that?' he asked, his lips touching yours with every word he spoke.

'Yeah,' you sighed dreamily, 'I really did.'

'Good,' he smiled, 'all I want is to make you feel good.'

He kissed you passionately and didn't stop until his cock became painful, desperate to be freed from his tight boxers so he carefully asked, 'You wanna fuck, baby?'

You nodded impatiently with your desperation for him clear in your eyes, to which he smiled. He wasn't sure what exactly he was feeling inside right now, as it was new but also pleasant and he wanted to chase it, so he lifted your chin with a tap of his index finger and he kissed you deeply again, wanting this moment to last while he took off your skirt.

He continued to kiss you while he pulled out his leaking cock, giving himself a few good strokes before teasing your entrance. He knew you were desperate and he wanted to see you smile, and it worked.

'Stop teasing,' you giggled with a soft whine.

You attempted to push his hand away so you could feel him inside you, but he didn't move. Instead, he wrapped his free hand lightly around your throat, smiling as he looked down into your eyes. He then moved his hand further up and tangled his fingers in your hair, giving you a firm tug to keep your eyes locked with his.

'Or what?' Sihtric asked sweetly.

'Stop it,' you laughed and slapped his chest playfully.

'Or what?' he dared you again with a smirk as he towered over you, then politely commanded, 'open your mouth for me.'

Without any hesitation you listened and opened your mouth for him, his grip still firm on the back of your head, and you allowed him to let his spit slowly drip from between his lips and down on your tongue. You gave him your cheeky smile as you thanked him, to which he kissed you in response, a little more heated than before. Once he broke the kiss he quickly covered your mouth with his hand, silencing you as he sheathed himself entirely inside you in one smooth movement.

'Ahh, fuck,' his words were dragged out with a low moan as he stilled inside you, letting you adjust to his size which stretched you the same pleasant way as Masema had done, and you never thought you'd ever feel this full again.

You tugged his hair firmly while your other hand squeezed his bicep, digging your nails into his skin as he began to slowly thrust into you. So slowly you felt every twitch of his cock with each stroke and your moans began to sound muffled as your mouth was still covered. Sihtric removed his hand and pushed you to lay back on his desk, he took your legs and threw both over one shoulder before he grabbed onto your waist and began fucking you with a pleasantly slow and steady pace. 

Sihtric was never rough nor too soft, he had the perfect balance that wasn't fucking you senseless but also not something you'd consider making love, it was something pleasant inbetween the two. He fucked you deeply but with a certain passion, and nothing made him harder than knowing he was taking you in front of the window, in clear view of those who lived in the surrounding apartment buildings, who could see how good he made you feel without having to ravage you.

He leaned in occasionally, taking your face with one hand while he continued to thrust into you slow and deep as he kissed you and caught your soft moans in his mouth. You arched your back once he moved away from you, and he had his strong arm wrapped around your legs to keep them in place on his shoulder while he had one hand pressed down onto your stomach, feeling his cock inside you as he enjoyed how tight you felt in this position.

'You're making me cum so easily, sweet lady,' Sihtric huffed with a devilish yet soft smile.

'Then cum,' you breathed, wanting to feel his warmth spread inside you.

You looked up at him with alluring eyes, feeling dazed at the sight of his black curls sticking to his glistening face and the way his smiling lips were slightly parted, from which his soft moans and heavy breaths escaped. His eyes were hooded, his eyeliner still applied perfectly and his cheeks were a light rosy colour. He took his time with you, thrusting deep inside you so slow it made your head spin and you could only laugh your cheeky laugh in between your moans and gasps.

You experienced hard porn and soft porn, but this was neither of those. This was something entirely different, softer and slower than you'd ever felt before, and despite the slow pace it felt extremely intense you couldn't say anything that made sense. And the entire sight of you on his desk, looking like a beautiful mess as you fell apart for him while he was so gentle with you pushed Sihtric over the edge before he wanted to, but he couldn't help himself and spilled inside you with a heavy grunt. He continued thrusting into you through his own high, and he massaged your clit with his fingers to ensure your climax was just as intense and blissful as his had been when you came shortly after him.

You were left shaking on his desk, and as the adrenaline rush left your body you started to feel cold as you laid naked on his desk, while the window was slightly opened and the cool night's breeze touched your skin. Sihtric was fast to clean up and put on his boxers while you were gradually coming down from your high, and he noticed you were trembling once you finally sat up on his desk, completely naked.

'Hey,' Sihtric gently took your face as he positioned himself between your thighs again, 'are you okay?' he asked, concerned.

'Just… c-cold,' you chuckled, a little dazed still.

'Oh, sweetheart,' he whispered and quickly grabbed his flannel off the floor to drape it over your shoulders.

He then wrapped his arms around you and pressed your bare chest against his in an attempt to warm you as fast as he could, to which you smiled. You wrapped your arms around his waist, stealing his body heat, and you embraced like that for a long moment without exchanging a word, just enjoying each other's warmth, scent and touch. And Sihtric only broke the embrace to cup your cheek, so he could peck your lips sweetly, over and over again while he looked completely smitten.

'You never kiss, and yet now you can't stop?' you murmured.

He hushed you and smiled, then went in for another kiss but you teasingly backed away. Sihtric looked confused, but his smile returned quick enough once you leaned back in and nuzzled his nose softly.

'Kiss me,' he whispered pleadingly, and you kissed him passionately several times more. 

'I could kiss you all night,' he murmured against your lips once you broke the kiss.

'You're too cute,' you giggled and then finally got dressed again.

You jumped off his desk and then held out his flannel to him.

'Keep it,' Sihtric smiled.

'Are you sure?'

'Yeah, it looks good on you.'

'Thanks,' you chuckled and put his flannel over your shirt, loving the way it was comfortably oversized and smelled exactly like him, 'so, you always rehearse scripts like this?'

'No,' Sihtric laughed, 'this, eh, really got out of hand. Sorry,' he blushed.

'Don't apologise. It was really nice,' you reassured him.

'I'm glad it was nice for you too,' he said, 'it's, eh, still kinda early in the evening I suppose. Do you want a drink or something, or maybe some food? I could order us something,' he mumbled almost shyly.

'Oh,' you sighed with a smile, 'that's so sweet, baby. But I think it's best if I get going.'

'Oh, y-yeah, of course,' Sihtric cleared his throat, knowing it wasn't very professional to ask you to stay for some crappy take-out meal, but he was disappointed regardless.

You grabbed your belongings and Sihtrc walked you to your car, where he took your hand before you could get in.

'Get home safe, okay?' he said, 'let me know you're home safe?'

'I will,' you kissed his cheek, and he then suddenly took your face and kissed your lips.

The kiss was long and passionate, until he abruptly pulled away with a shaky breath.

'Are you okay?' you asked, a little surprised.

'Yeah,' he sighed and gave you a weakened smile, then stopped you again as you attempted to get in your car, 'hey,' he said softly, 'don't… this line of work, it's- just promise you won't do anything against your will, okay?'

'I won't do anything I don't like,' you said, 'I promise.'

'Good,' Sihtric swallowed hard and lightly touched your face, 'you're just… you're too pure and too beautiful for this industry, sweetheart. Girls like you,' his voice trembled lightly, 'they get taken advantage of if they're not careful. Look after yourself, okay? And if you ever need anything or if there's trouble, you have my number, yeah?'

'I will be careful,' you promised and pinched his cheek to lighten his mood, which made him chuckle, 'I'll see you again soon, right?'

'I hope so.'

'I'll have my manager set up a day to shoot and all that,' you said, 'you'll hear from me.'

'Sure thing,' Sihtric said and finally allowed you to get in your car, and he then leaned on its roof while he looked down at you, 'and, well… you know where I live now. You're welcome anytime.'

'For sex you mean?' you chuckled.

'For anything, sweetheart,' he smiled and watched you start your car.

'You're too cute,' you smiled and waited for him to step away so you could close the door, but he didn't budge. 'Sihtric?' you snorted, 'I gotta close the door?'

'Oh, shit,' he laughed and pulled away, 'yeah, shit, sorry,' he stammered and then politely shut your car door and blew you a kiss before you hit the gas.

With an uneasy feeling in his stomach he watched you drive off and cursed himself for kissing you. Because he knew better than to kiss someone the way he had kissed you, and he shouldn't catch feelings for anyone in the same industry because it would always cause trouble. But he also knew it was already too late for him to not catch any feelings for you.

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#sihtric x reader #sihtric x you #sihtric kjartansson #the last kingdom #sihtric #tlk #sihtric fic #modern!sihtric #tlk au #sihtric au

[copperbadge]

What do you mean by digital cleaning?

It's something I've been working on more this year because I had a bit more travel than usual so couldn't do actual home cleaning, but I always take a couple of days in the Month Of Cleaning where I'm focused on my digital life. It's good to make your physical home a comfortable place for yourself, but it's also good to recognize that we have "digital" homes that need attention. And often this is at least less physically demanding, so it's good to keep it in your back pocket for days when you're mentally okay but physically too tired or sore to do more of that kind of work.

In the shortest possible terms, digital cleaning is just making sure that your phone, computer, socials, and other digital "presences" are organized in a way that you find helpful, and that you take a moment to either answer those messages you've been putting off or give yourself amnesty on doing so.

This tends to make a lot of people extremely anxious in a way ordinary physical space cleaning doesn't, so I'm going to put the rest of it behind a cut...

So when I say digital cleaning, I refer to stuff like going through my likes on Tumblr and clearing them out, going through my drafts and turning them into queued posts, answering my asks. I spend time in my email inboxes, either responding to messages or removing them. I am not an "inbox zero" kind of guy, but I like to keep the read-but-not-answered messages to a minimum, and towards the end of the year that usually means a clear-out and amnesty. I clean my Google Drive -- delete old files I uploaded for others, move documents I'm no longer using into an archive, move documents I want to work on into a central work folder. I go through my catch-all folder on my hard drive and organize it; I sort through the year's photos and organize those, partly to archive them and partly because I make a scrapbook from them each year. I don't usually have a ton of tabs open but often have more than I'd like, so I go through them all and either read, bookmark, or get rid of them.

I look in my phone's file tree to make sure I delete files I don't need (mostly menu downloads, Restaurants Stop Making Your Menus PDFs Challenge 2K24) and I sometimes go through each app on my phone, make sure I still use it, and make sure it's set how I want it. If this sounds like a nightmare, bear in mind that I very rarely put apps on my phone to start with -- I think my mother has more apps open at any given time than I have apps on my phone ever.

Everywhere I clean, I look for files named things like "notes" or "deal with" or "random" and move them all into one place so that whatever is in them, I can sort through it and make sure it goes somewhere permanent. Logins go in the login/password spreadsheet I keep, addresses go into my contacts, story notes go into a "fiction scraps" file, random thoughts either get moved into a journal file or put into drafts to become Tumblr posts, etc.

If this sounds like I might have some kind of compulsion disorder, I get that; when I explain my digital hygiene systems a lot of people look at me like I'm spouting a mad but harmless conspiracy theory. But it's something I used to have to do periodically even before I created National Clean Your Home Month, because otherwise I could never find anything, and everything was just...harder. As I once told a boss who admired my organizational skills, "It was this or endless chaos."

Putting addresses into my contacts list means I always know that the addresses I have for my friends are up to date. Putting logins into a spreadsheet means that five minutes spent now will not result in five weeks of procrastination later because I can't find the login and can't do anything else until I do that. Going through my email and archiving old conversations means not only can I find them easily when needed, I don't have to look at them the rest of the time. Sometimes I even go through my various wish lists and remove old/purchased items, or clear out all my "save for later" carts.

There's no doubt this is stressful, but like every part of NaClYoHo, it's broken down into smaller tasks; I don't have to look at my computer and organize everything on it all in one day. I can answer a few asks, then sort photos (something I find very soothing up until the moment I Don't), then read and delete some emails, then I'm done for the day. I can spread "answer or file all your work emails" out over a couple of days. I can maybe empty out my Likes but just turn the ones I actually want to reblog into drafts for now and deal with them later in the "drafts" phase of cleaning. And if I don't manage to empty out my inboxes, at least they're emptier than they were.

I'm struggling this morning with having put a bunch of physical cleaning on the to-do list but not feeling physically up for it, so I did what I felt capable of doing (measuring cabinets for new shelf liners mainly) and later today I might sit down and start building this year's photobook. Or not -- I have to code Radio Free Monday, sort out a prescription and possibly go pick it up, plus a very full day of work and a couple of afternoon appointments I can't shirk, so today may simply be a "get through the day" kind of day. That's okay too; some days the spirit is willing but the schedule is full.

#naclyoho #national clean your home month #digital cleaning

[fdelopera]

Antisemites are going mask-off. And we Jews see you.

So some shit for brains antisemite sent me this message the other day. This is one of several antisemitic Anons I've gotten recently, but this one is the most blatant.

My first response was to taunt them. I thought of writing something like this:

"Hey, you fucking loser, you forgot the part of your Nazi script where you try to deny that the Holocaust happened. Lame ass motherfucker, you can't even get your own lies right. Next time you try harassing a Jew online, at least try to tow the Nazi party line, you white supremacist. Also, you fucking COWARD, how dare you come to my inbox on Anonymous. If you’re going to tell me you wish I would die in a Nazi gas chamber, at least have the common courtesy to tell me your username so I know who I am blocking."

But then, I thought: No. That's not how to respond. Because that's not what this is about.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. Making fun of a stupid a Nazi by telling them that they forgot to deny the Holocaust when they decided to harass me for being a Jew — that is gallows humor of the darkest kind. But a morbidly glib zinger of a reply doesn’t actually address the real issue here.

The real issue is that a lot of you with antisemitic tendencies have been going completely mask-off the last few weeks, and you have been diving headfirst into Jew-hatred.

You are finally feeling liberated to speak the Jew-hating words that you have been dying to say.

You have been practically champing at the bit to tell a Jew that you wished there would be another Holocaust so you could get rid of all those millions of "bad Jews" that you don’t like, and now you feel liberated to scream those words from the rooftops.

Over the last few weeks, we Jews have been watching you, some of you that we considered to be friends, and we’ve seen many of you turn on us and spit out the most vile, hateful things about us.

And we know exactly what you will be doing when the next Nazi craze spreads like wildfire from country to country, throughout cities and towns.

You like to claim that you would have been punching Nazis in the face during World War II. You like to claim that you would have protected us. Some of you even like to claim that you would have sheltered us, like the heroes who hid Anne Frank.

But we know better.

No. That’s all just romantic bullshit that some of you like to tell yourselves to make yourselves feel important.

In reality, you would have been deciding who is a "good Jew" and who is a "bad Jew." You would have been deciding who you should rat out to the police for a reward. You wouldn’t be protecting us! You would be saying, "I really don't like that Jew. I’m going to go tell the Gestapo about them." Or worse, you would be saying, "Oh, that Jew over there, they’re just an animal. They’re barely human. The Nazis can kill them, I don’t care."

Most of the people who turned against their Jewish neighbors in Nazi occupied Europe weren't monstrous, inhuman beasts. Most of them were people, just like you, who had been conditioned to hate Jews by nearly two thousand years of Christian antisemitism coupled with a targeted campaign of white supremacist propaganda. This widespread antisemitism allowed the Nazis to transform an irrational and enculturated feeling of distrust towards Jews into a feeling of intense hatred, where gentiles demonized Jewish people and blamed "those Jews" for all the bad things that were happening in the world.

And the white supremacists are doing it again. And YOU are falling for their trap. Again!

Don't you get it? This is the oldest trick in the book! Periods of antisemitic violence usually erupt every 70-100 years or so, after most of the Jewish elders who hold the living memory of the last genocide have all passed away. And the Holocaust was 80 years ago. And here we are. Again.

And just like the Christians in Europe who turned on their Jewish neighbors, you are starting to turn on us.

You buy into antisemitic conspiracy theories, just like the white supremacists do.

You stand in the streets, screaming "gas the Jews" and "die Jews die."

You sound like the Proud Boys. You sound like Nazis. Do you even hear yourselves???

You pretend that all Jews are all a monolith and a hive mind, and you try to convince yourselves that we are all a proxy for the fucking Israeli government, which the vast majority of Jews fucking despise. If we could, trust me, most of us would strangle Netanyahu with our bare hands.

You celebrate Jewish deaths because you have convinced yourselves that killing a random Jewish civilian is "just the same" as killing Netanyahu, because you have manipulated yourselves into believing that all Jews are the Israeli government.

And you don't see how fucking STUPID that is!!

Jewish people are no more the Israeli government than YOU are YOUR government.

A people are NOT their government.

According to Tumblr statistics, nearly half of you reading this will be from the US. Shall I blame YOU personally for the actions of the US government? Of course fucking not! And you'd better fucking not blame random Jews for Netanyahu!

And some of you Jew-haters, in pretending that Jews are all a monolith and a hive mind, even say vile, antisemitic shit like, "Looks like the Jews are becoming the Nazis."

You choose those words carefully, twisting the Shoah, our greatest tragedy, into a knife. You try to weaponize the slaughter of our people against us. You try to reduce the 6 million of us who were murdered into a white supremacist meme.

YOU SOUND LIKE THE FUCKERS AT A TRUMP RALLY, FOR FUCKS SAKE. DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELVES???

And you do that to dehumanize us. You do that to feel morally superior. You do that to feel less uncomfortable when you laugh at our deaths.

But we know that WE are not becoming Nazis. But YOU are. The reason you say that shit about us is because YOU are projecting YOUR insecurities onto us.

Because you know that you are slowly, insidiously being coopted by the Nazi ideology of David Duke and Richard Spencer.

And perhaps somewhere deep down, you feel uneasy about it. So you accuse Jews of being a monolith, a hive mind, and then you say stupid antisemitic shit like, "Maybe the Jews are the Nazis after all."

And you say that to yourselves so that you can turn off your empathy and celebrate as you watch us die.

What a disgusting way to try to absolve yourselves of YOUR guilt.

And we Jews are watching you. We’re watching you very carefully. And when the dust settles, you will have found that we have vanished from your life.

Very soon, you won’t see us again.

And no, that won't be because we'll be walking into the gas chambers, as much as you'd like us to, like some historical movie about the Holocaust that you watched when you were a child but turned off halfway through because you just didn't care.

NEVER AGAIN MEANS NEVER AGAIN.

As much as we know that you ENJOY watching our deaths (sanitized, of course, with a blur filter over the video so that you don’t have to feel too guilty about watching us being tortured and murdered), that’s not the reason you won’t be seeing us again.

The reason you won’t be seeing us again is because we will be walking out of YOUR life.

You have lost us as friends, and you might not even know it yet.

We are gone from your life, because we know that we can’t trust you.

We know that when the Nazis come to our community and march down the street hoisting their swastikas and doing their Sieg Heils (I've seen it with my own eyes) … when the Nazis harass us Jews in the street (I've seen it with my own eyes) … when the Nazis SHOOT US DEAD (it happened at a synagogue a block away from my synagogue, and many of those who saw it will never open their eyes again) — we know you won’t help us.

You will shove us into the line of fire.

And we know that you’ll absolve your conscience, so you won’t feel too bad about our deaths. You’ll tell yourselves, “It’s okay. Why should I have protected that one? That one was a bad Jew.”

We Jews see you. We see your hypocrisy on full display.

And we are telling you this:

If you see Jewish civilians being tortured and murdered, no matter what country they are from, and your first response is to CELEBRATE … if your first response is to post memes that say shit like, "The Jews fucked around and found out" … if your first response is to say that mass murdering Jews is "brutal but justified" … if your first response is to behave like a Q-Anon believer or a MAGA-hat wearing Republican and treat all Jews like we're a monolith, a hive mind…

When THAT is your response to seeing a tragedy unfolding, you are a FAILED ally, and a FAILED advocate.

You are an antisemite.

But mostly, you are just a really horrible, shitty person.

And we don’t want you in our life.

#jumblr #judaism #jewish #jewblr #a message to the next person who sends antisemitic bullshit to my inbox - at least don't be a fucking coward about it! #sending anon harassment like this is the most chickenshit thing you can do #and no i won't be turning off anon so that if there are more cowards who want to send anon messages i'll be able to block them #oh and as always i'll be monitoring the comments and if anyone posts antisemitic bullshit here i will be reporting and blocking you #antisemitism tw #holocaust tw #shoah tw #nazi tw

[pepperonidk]

Be Here With Me || l.sm

MASTERLIST

Pairing: king!dk x fem!reader Summary: it's been a long day, but it's okay because at seven you will be here with me Warnings: none Word Count: 788

a/n: i had written this about 2 weeks ago now when i was at the height of my shadow and bone phase (prince nikolai enjoyers where yall at?) but literally the day i wanted to post it, i went into mourning so... take this as my slow enterance back into writing. I have requests in my inbox that I promise i'm working on... just slowly. it's been a hard month.

It wasn’t much of a stretch to say you were tired. The kind of tired that feels like it’s been building up for weeks – sneaking up on you like wavelets against the sand, growing and growing until you find yourself sinking under tsunami tides. 

Rebuilding a kingdom from ashes of a war was no simple task, even for the most seasoned of veterans. Too many things to do and never enough time. Too many people to please and never enough resources. Each day was a paradox, twenty-four hours dragging like molasses out of the mouth of a glass jar while you run on against the stream. Every rise of the moon was a welcome sight to you, a sign that although tomorrow would be its own battle, for a few hours you could enjoy the pale glow of the moon. 

Tonight, however, instead of retreating to your private rooms to enjoy time alone with your lover, you found yourself longing to be outside of the palace walls. You send a courier to deliver a message to the king, a short message of  “meet me at the river,” and make your way to the quiet banks of the indigo waters to wait for him. It doesn’t take long for him to find you – it never does – and with the sound of grass breaking, you feel warm arms wrap around you from behind. 

You don’t turn around until he calls your name — not the name used by the people to address you but rather the one kept secret for moments like this. “My love,” the dulcet tones of his voice harmonizing with the crickets and the river waters. You can tell he’s smiling as he calls for you, as he always does, and when you turn around it feels like falling into starlight. His disheveled hair after a day of frustrated ticks is ever so ethereal, glowing in the white light of the moon and his dark eyes mirror the broken reflection of light against the water. It happens quicker than instinct that you reach a hand to rest against his cheek and for Seokmin to release a soft puff of air, as if only now can he finally find rest. 

“Come sit with me, darling,” you beckon to him and he quickly complies. He gently pries your hand from his cheek, opting instead to hold it in his as he fills the space beside you, close enough to feel your thighs touching and you loop your arm through his to fit yourself to lay in against his shoulder. This is home, you think to yourself. 

It isn’t long before the quietness is filled with stories about the day. Although you had spent most of the day in your husband’s company, it was never enough, with only fleeting glances across meeting tables and secret smiles shared in passing. In the daylight, he was Lee Seokmin, the People’s King. But here with you… he was your Seokmin, dearest. Although your relationship was well-known among the people, it was moments like this that you indulged in like a delicious secret between the two of you. Once the silence comes to find its way between the two of you once again, Seokmin turns his head to press a kiss against the crown of your head. 

“What’s that for?” you lift your head up to smile at him. He shakes his head bashfully before giving you a soft smile and bringing your entwined hands to his lips.

“I just missed you,” he replies sincerely, his free hand coming up to push a hair back from your face pointlessly as a chilling breeze sweeps it back out of place. You let out a chuckle as Seokmin sighs in exasperation with a pout. However, when he notices the slightest shake of your shoulders in a shiver, he immediately stands and extends his hand out to help you up. “Come? Before the winds turn icy.”  

With a laugh, you slip your hand in his, leaning against his shoulder as he tucks your hand into the crook of his elbow. “Is the fearless king afraid of the cold?” You look to see him roll his eyes as he pulls you closer into his side.

“Never,” he replies with a scoff. “But I’d rather like to feel my wife’s skin under my fingers, and I can’t do that when they’re frozen numb.” As if to prove his point, he wiggles his fingers before poking you in the side teasingly. 

To his defense, you completely agree. But more than that, it didn’t matter where you were together, so long as you were together. Come storm or high hell, Seokmin was always your resting place as you were his.

#caratwritersclub #Seventeenweeklyarticle #Seventeen imagine #DK #dokyeom #lee seokmin #lee dokyeom #seventeen dk #seventeen x reader #seventeen fluff #svt fluff #dk x reader #dokyeom x reader #seokmin x reader #lee seokmin x reader #dk scenarios #dk imagines #dk fluff #seokmin fluff #lee seokmin imagines #dokyeom fluff

[kidvoodoo]

Okay I am caught up on the situation and am much calmer now. I do not forgive the three people who sent me anonymous death threats. I have an idea who at least one is and have blocked them since it is the only thing I can really do.

As for my thoughts:

I have mentioned before that I do not watch Eurovision this year and have only seen acts from last year, not the program in its entirety. I was unaware of what was occurring and was attacked in my inbox because I have posted Käärijä fan art. The art in question was several days before the event even happened.

That being said, I will not remove my artwork from my blog. It is my Art Gallery and the collection of my many pieces throughout the year. I will not be bullied to take it down.

I will continue to make fan art.

I do not approve of what Kä has done in regards to the Eurovision 2024 contest. I understand why he did attend and also why he made an Instagram post saying he was done with Eurovision. I don’t think he should have attended but it’s too late to take that back, unfortunately.

I think it was good he said “no war” at the end of his performance for the final (semifinal?). I think a lot of people wanted him say more, in the few moments he was able to say something, that is what came out. If he had tried to say more they would have cut the feed away from him, and they clearly are mad that he even did that because they won’t post the performance. They have done the same thing with another performer who had a symbol of Palestine Support with him. It is clear that the people who run the show are not good people for silencing people showing their support for a nation under attack. It is hypocritical they have acted supportive of Ukraine in the midst of the war but not with Palestine during the genocide. Was it enough of a statement? I don’t think so. Was it all he was able to manage that exact moment? I think so.

In regards to the video of Kä and the Israeli performer, it was bad that he did that. I don’t think it was entirely a mistake, nor do I think it was intentional. I think again in the moment he simply wasn’t thinking correctly. I don’t forgive him for that, and the statement he made on Instagram was not very good. If it was true he asked for the video to be removed and it wasn’t, that is bad too. It never should have happened and it’s a sad situation.

All of that brings me to my conclusion. I am sad and disappointed. I am also very aware of how bad of a situation it is now thanks to some kind people filling me in and providing sources. Thank you my friends 💜

I will take a break I think, let things evolve how they will. My brother and I have donated a sum $400 US dollars to UNICEF USA for aid for children. In a country where my very tax dollars are used to fund a genocide, it feels like a sad drop in a bucket, but it is all I can manage being on fixed income and disabled. I will attempt to do another donation at some point when I have the money.

I feel like this situation is bad in every direction. I personally still want to listen to Käärijä’s music and draw pictures. I want to read people’s fanfics and see their posts too. I am brought happiness by the kind people and by Käärijä as well, so I will continue to enjoy.

I hope that Käärijä does address the situation at some point in a more supportive and thoughtful way. I wonder how much he will have to do to gain back people’s trust. Sometimes it’s best to just let go, even if it’s hard.

If you are reading this and do not approve of my personal opinion, please do not send me death threats or harassments. I understand if you want to unfollow and block me, and I have no quarrel with you.

If you are reading this and are one of the people who has sent me kind messages and do not approve of my decision, i understand and apologize. Please do not send me hate messages or harassments.

If you are one of the people who has sent me kind messages and still wants to be friends, I am happy to hear that 💜 maybe we can all try and start a donation campaign together for more aid for Palestine. I know money is a difficult thing these days for a lot of people so please don’t feel guilty for not having g any to give.

I am sorry this is a very long post and if I am taking up too much space in the Käärijä tag, I simply wanted to address my feelings about the entire situation.

Thank you friends for reading, I hope your mind and hearts can heal and you can find joy in whatever you love again 💜💜💜

#kidvoodoo #text post #käärijä #I am done putting long text posts in this tag now #I apologize if I am being annoying #also shoutout for my brother for helping me compose my thoughts into something readable

[etirabys]

on email

I put off wedding planning with the expectation that I would do a terrible but functional job once deadline urgency kicked in. This has started to happen. One consequence is that I have (probably but hopefully not temporarily) had to become a timely emailer.

The impetus was procrastinating on clicking a link in an email that it turned out I should have read ideally acted upon immediately. This is an embarrassing but characteristic mistake – my habit with emails is to open them, get a fast (and sometimes wrong) impression of the contents, have the emotion of not wanting to deal with it, and marking it as unread. I do this with a lot of non-email messages across all platforms, too, with the result that I drop a lot of messages that I forget to or can't mark as unread again.

I knew perfectly well what a loathsome creature I am to do this, but Willpower did not work.

I've been much faster with all messages in the past week and will describe what I understand of the change, so that it will hopefully persist.

(A prerequisite: for many years I have unsubscribed from, filtered, or blocked unwelcome senders. I try not to give out my email address for any reward greater than $20.)

i. I had to radically accept that I am tired and stupid most of the time.

Radical acceptance is a concept from mindfulness / dialectical behavioral therapy, and mostly means the opposite of "trying to believe something that isn't true". It means understanding and accepting your actual circumstances without flinching from them, and acting in a way that actually achieves your goals in those circumstances.

So it turns out – in some part because my expectations for myself haven't adjusted from my pre-burnout days when I had more energy and a better memory – that I put off things because "I can tell I'm dumb right now, and if I try to book this flight I'll probably double-book myself even if I check my calendar three times, and I should do this when I'm more awake." Or "I shouldn't resume this conversation about an art commission, because I don't feel all here today and I'm probably going to mess up the conversation". Or, of course, "I shouldn't make this decision the wedding planner is asking me about right now, because I'll make the wrong one."

While there is variance in my mental abilities depending sleep and time of day and so forth, I almost never pass the bar of cognitive competence I implicitly set for making these decisions. So if I keep the bar where it is, I'm never going to get anything done.

I have to radically accept that I am (compared to when I was younger) tired and stupid all the time, and I still need to live my life. I need to double-book myself and then pay $20 to reschedule my flight, arrange for a tasting with a caterer that doesn't meet a desideratum my spouse told me about, join a reading group I'm too busy for and then leave, get on a call that I forgot to do research for beforehand... etc.

And: I have to respond to emails and messages approximately as soon as I see them, because "my future self who will make informed decisions about things I cannot" is an illusion.

ii. Conversely, I should never check messages when I'm not prepared to make respond to arbitrary textual stimuli.

I used to check my email or messages when I was bored. This makes no sense! The contents of my email inbox are determined by the decisions of a large number of other people, and could contain anything. It is this variance that makes this addictive, and it is also this variance that makes it important to read it when I have the wherewithal to react appropriately.

I don't want to keep training myself into being the kind of person who repeatedly clicks and unreads a scary medical bill email. To stop that behavior, I want to have a mindset of "if one of my emails is a scary medical bill email, I am willing to read the whole thing, think about it, and take the appropriate next action" whenever I am about to navigate to my inbox.

The same goes for clicking into Discord or Messenger, because I need a similar presence of mind to react to invitations to high-effort social events, requests for help I may not be able to give, requests for information I need to think about before providing, etc.

The important thing is to not mix actionables with entertainment. I need mental separation between those two, because perceiving personal pings as a subset of social media notifications made me treat them more passively. "Oh, huh, a decision to join a Paradise Lost reading group is on TV. Interesting. Now an ad..."

---

I expect to backslide on my improved response rate/quality once I'm done with the wedding, but hopefully writing the above will act as the strut of a dam.

#rambl #human stuff #nia specifically should not read this because I haven't responded to her on discord

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hello! I'm a complete newbie wanting to write. I haven't really written anything before other than school assignments and stuff. I'm feeling stuck on getting started? My biggest issue is I'm not all that a creative person so my ideas kinda suck. I can come up with one or two, but I don't feel the motivation to go for it because it's just a base idea with no point, no message or real "reason" in the story. I don't know why but I just can't seem to do the "just write" thing (I tried). Help? <3

Newbie Writer Struggling with Ideas and Writing

The biggest misconception newbie writers have is that you're supposed to be able to sit down for the first time, or fifth time, or tenth time, and just write this incredible story. That's just not how it works. For anyone.

Before we go there, though, I want to address something else you said: "I'm not all that a creative person..."

Writing is a creative art. Writers are usually creative people by nature. If you wouldn't consider yourself to be all that creative a person right now, you are well and truly starting at the beginning. Which is okay--it's not an insurmountable obstacle, but it is an obstacle that must be overcome. The first thing you need to do is hone your creativity. You need to become a creative person so that you have the creative well to draw from when you try to write. Luckily, I have a guide that tells you how to do this: Guide: Filling Your Creative Well

Once you've spent some time honing your creative skill, it's time to start building and honing your craft as a writer. The first thing I would recommend is putting your new creative skills to work by doing some writing prompts. Writing prompts can be found in books (try the library or a bookstore) and online (try Google and Tumblr.) Writing prompts are a great way to hone your writing skills because the seed of an idea is given to you, but you still have a lot of room to be creative. Another option is to do some daily journaling, talking about your thoughts, memories, or your day. A third option is writing fan-fiction, which many writers find to be a fun and motivating way to hone their writing skills. Just remember that the first stories you write... the first many stories you write... aren't going to be good. Just like when you try to bake a cake for the very first time, it's probably not going to be the greatest cake ever baked. But bad writing is a crucial part of becoming a good writer. We all go through it.

Once you've spent some time writing shorter fiction in the way of writing prompt stories, journaling, or fan-fiction--all while continuing to fill your creative well--you will start to find that the ideas you come up with are more solid and numerous. You'll have an easier time implementing those ideas and turning them into cohesive stories. Then you can worry about writing stories with purpose and, if you choose, some kind of underlying message. :)

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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#writing tips #writing help #wqaadvice

[mmmthornton]

i don't hate gay people, i am a gay person and i.love gay people. i didn't smear her, i rightfully called her out on her transphobia, because people need to know she (and you) align yourself with those who smear people like me as pedophiles and rapists.

For context: https://www.tumblr.com/butch-reidentified/719311495708753921/pajrc1234-blocked-me-before-even-commenting-that I'm not sure why you sent this anon; i thought at first that maybe @pajrc1234 is a side blog but its the one you replied on? In any case, since my message to YOU was off anon and you used "I" to address yourself, for transparency I'm keeping your information here.

Hey, i'm really angry about this but I'm holding myself back from being mean and sarcastic to make a point.

The whataboutism? Stops fucking here. There ARE issues in the gay community. There ARE issues with lesbophobia, misogyny, there is petty drama, there is stupid bullshit, there is every conceivable kind of human flaw and foible to be found in human beings under the LGBT umbrella. Do you know why that is? Its because we're human beings, with all the variety that that entails.

That means that, for a community to still be able to come together, we need to recognize we'll bruise some elbows and even come across Genuine Bad Actors in all areas of life. We deserve to look out for OTHERS in our community by calling out behavior - BEHAVIOR - itself that is harmful.

What that does NOT MEAN. Is that you start a witch hunt, targeting almost EXCLUSIVELY same-sex attracted woman. for THINKING or ASSOCIATING with the "wrong" ideas or people.

Do you notice what I did there? Do you recognize theres a difference between "BEHAVIOR" and "THINKING"? or even "CRITIQUING"? Because I don't know that you do! And i don't know if a lot of the loudest voices in "queer activism" these days knows that either. Because it seems to me its pretty clear the people who are actually COMMITING the hate crimes that target gay people (uhhhh including trans women, because thats the only demographic anyone wants to talk about when they go into a lesbians inbox), are NOT people IN the community sharing tragic and traumatic events from their own lives.

Lesbians are members of the LGBT Community. Lesbians have a RIGHT to to be here, and we have a RIGHT to discus the things that are hurting us, same as anyone else.

What you DON'T have a right to do, is police the lived experiences of lesbians on the internet or otherwise, to play out your own victim complex. If YOU BELIEVE that eeeeveryone is out to get you, and that SOMEHOW the worst participants are lesbians on tumblr, I need you to know that is pathetic of you.

Women to start with - Cis women even, if you want to be specific - have the lowest possible numbers for violence. Cis women have the lowest numbers for supporting conservative ideas - by voting records! We have that data. Add on top of that, lesbians are a TINY minority of all cis women. So, a minority of a population that is more frequently targeted for violence is SO SCARY to you, that you HAVE to defensively smear their name before they can get you?

Grow the fuck up. I don't actually believe you're "afraid" of violence from lesbian women. I think you just found a way to be a bully and have your victim cake too. Women aren't required to be extra special niceys to you, the only thing we have to do is survive amidst the other factors that make that difficult, and honestly if you have to turn any attempt at LGBT healing into "But what if you maybe someday possibly align yourself with my actual enemies?!" I think you're a wuss. If you actually cared about chasing out bad actors and right wing extremists, you wouldn't go after the demographic that is the LEAST likely to vote republican.

You don't go after the real enemies, because you KNOW that men are more likely to be violent and abusive and harass you and do all the things that you accuse "TERF"s of doing. You're more afraid of them than you are willing to face the problem, and women are an easy target to you because of that. That is the definition of a coward. Hell, that's probably what got you so mad! @butch-reidentified was in a horrifying situation and survived, WHILE helping someone else, and it triggered you so badly you just dug deep into your ugly woman-hating soul to immediately slander her name and make it about YOU.

You. Are. Pathetic. Get better or shut up.

#homophobia #pulse mention #sorry @butch idk if you wanted to be tagged in these? But i didn't want to seem like I was starting a fight behind your back #that wasn't my intention #anyway #the gay community can never fully heal as long as the automatic reaction people have to a lesbian saying anything #is *how can I make this about me* #(spits on the ground) tired of this cowardly bullshit #you're too afraid to go after republicans and organize to fight desantis #and then you feel bad when women ARE involved politically and otherwise in major events #so you tear them down for it #you see it in a thousand different areas of life there's no reason it wouldn't be the case in the LGBT but god #it feels like there's WAY too much of it lately!

[girlyholic]

Is Overlap Possible Between Menhera and Jirai?

Jirai and mental health is a topic I feel is worth addressing, as I’ve noticed a specific trend both in my inbox and in general replies on this subject. I often see the sentiment that pushing against the term Jirai is hurting those with mental illness more than helping, as there are some people with mental illness who find solace in the term and wish to reclaim it.

Regarding that, people can look at the facts of what Jirai is and make their own decisions. I am just here to provide a bit more clarity on what it is so newcomers can enjoy the actual fashion that got overshadowed by the harmful meme blowing up.

But this raises a point that’s worth examining, since some people feel so strongly about it. Is Jirai, which is heavily tied to the Japanese anti-recovery community, something that can ever be considered comparable to Menhera, which is about mental health awareness?

Putting a TW here before the readmore for a brief discussion of self harming behaviors.

To start, I’ll explain what Menhera is and how it relates to this conversation. The term Menhera first came about on 2channel in 2000, coined by the users of its mental health board as a nickname for themself. People on this board would not only exchange about mental health, but also share all kinds of vent art. Menhera art became an own genre, exhibitions dedicated to it began to be made, and Menhera turned into an own subculture. The thing that’s important to note is that before Menhera was born, there were no neutral terms for the mentally ill in Japanese, they were all exclusively derogatory.

This neutral meaning lasted for over a decade, until the term was discovered by outsiders in the early days of the social media boom. “Menhera Kei”, meaning Menhera-type, became the name of a stereotype used to label women as crazy. Examples of the stereotype include women who can’t accept failure, or who seek attention from others, since they have no self-esteem. A great deal of emphasis was put on women of this “type” having unfixable personality flaws, because in Japan, mental health issues are generally considered to be personal failings that cause trouble for others, and not legitimate health issues.

On paper, that sounds a lot like Jirai, doesn’t it? Both are words that have stereotypes about mentally-ill women associated with them.

There is one key difference: Jirai's background is the total opposite of Menhera. Menhera as a term was made by the mental health community for the mental health community, and you don’t seek out a mental health board to get worse. It may have a secondary meaning as an ableist stereotype, but that came about from people taking a term mentally-ill people came up with to use amongst themselves and twisting it.

Meanwhile, there never has been a positive association with Jirai, and it’s not uncommon for Japanese netizens to use it in a self-deprecating manner. Looking at accounts of self-proclaimed landmines quickly shows that there is no intent to reclaim the term, meaning to turn it into something positive, but instead it is used as a way to find affirmation in self-destructive and self-harming behaviors. When it isn’t graphic photos of self-harm, it’s often things that are more subtle, such as posting about passing out drunk sleeping on the streets or how they don’t deserve to eat at best, or sharing screenshots of questionable LINE messages with captions about how cute it is that they’re gaslighting their partner at worst. It is almost always not a rejection of the harmful traits of the stereotype, but an embrace of them.

And I really need to clarify that I don’t think people who post that sort of content are bad people. That’s the reason why I never link to any of these accounts. These are people who are deeply embroiled in a culture and aesthetic that is harming them further, and I sincerely hope that one day they can break out of it. I struggle with mental illness myself and can understand that side of it completely.

Seeking mental well-being, which is what Menhera refers to, is not comparable to Jirai, which has been heavily associated with the anti-recovery community. This is why this whole discourse feels a bit strange, as Menhera is right there and encompasses what people boasting about reclaiming Jirai are usually looking for. There isn’t really a need to reclaim Jirai in the west anyways as nobody is affected by its derogatory meaning the way people in Japan are to begin with.

#j*rai #menhera #mental health #girly discourse

[xx-lemon-drop-xx]

Have you heard about all the ror drama that's been going down?

I've had countless accounts ask me this exact question and no matter how many times I delete them, they just keep coming in. So, I'm addressing it. (It's four am, spare me the spelling mistakes)

Simply put, if you are talking about the situation with Mina, I read her fics every once in awhile when they popped up in my feed but our interactions haven't really gone any further than that. From what I've heard what she's done is utterly disgusting and unforgivable, and I sincerely apologize as a 19 year old and an adult myself to every minor out there that had to deal with grooming and being shunned out. As someone that's been groomed myself as a minor, it isn't easy to talk about and deal with and can be quite triggering.

It's not my drama and I will not be putting myself into it; however I will say that all minors are supposed to feel safe, and comfortable, and most of all; protected. No one deserves to go through the horrors of being groomed (online or in real life) and then not being able to speak out about it in the terror something will happen. My heart goes out to all that had to deal with it in this world. Sadly not all adults act like adults.

As for the anons that keep popping up into my inbox (and others likely) it's not your drama to know about, so leave it alone. It's being dealt with by the people that deserve to deal with it and come to terms with it. You have no right to try and barge on in and stir the pot all up on them again. There's been enough drama in this fandom.

As for the other asks I've received:

1. Yes, I am still writing and am planning on uploading sometime soon. (hopefully) I am still in the ror fandom, the twist fandom, and Hazbin Hotel has taken over my brain. I know it's been awhile, though my mental health hasn't been the greatest as of late. So I suppose I've been on a hiatus of sorts.

2. No, I do not write for minors of any sorts. So all of those people asking for smut for Sebek, or Riddle, or the leech brothers- its not happening, sorry. They are minors in the game, need I remind you. It's all over my account I only write platonically for minors.

3. My requests are closed as of now, sorry. So any other requests that come on through will be deleted, I don't want to be suffocated in requests.

4. (The most asked) Yes, I am okay!! I'm fine! Thank you all for your kind messages and I have read all of them! (You are all so sweet, thank you)

5. Yes, I am apart of the Lgbtq+ community. I myself is pansexual! And I have no idea if I'm asexual or not as of yet, I'm still dabbling around in that lmao.

I hope all of you have a wonderful day/night/where ever you all are. Keep your head held high, the sun never fails to shine!

#anon answered #anon ask #anonymous #Snv #record of ragnarok

[ingravinoveritas]

heyyy girliepop, i rlly love ur blog. highlight of ma days. u remind me so much of an amazing, brilliant, clever crazy bitch i used to follow on twitter 6 years ago its great i missed her. keep slaying bby. love ya xxo

Hi there! Aww, thank you so much for this. I really do appreciate it! I was going to wait to respond to you until I'd gotten through at least some of the other Asks/Anons in my inbox, but your message came in just when I received this comment on my blog (on this post):

I'm sure this person was just doing a drive-by and has never actually read anything else I've written, but I genuinely felt and feel a bit upset by this comment, so I'd like to address it.

One thing I have mentioned many times on my blog is that I more than welcome people to disagree with me. I've gotten Anons of every stripe and color, and I've never felt the desire to not publish or not engage with people who do not share my opinions. So I am actually sad for this person, that they decided not to do that. I'm perplexed that they saw a post they did not agree with, and rather than engaging in a civilized way--or just scrolling on by and saying nothing, which they absolutely could have done--decided to leave that comment instead.

As an autistic adult (diagnosed as a child), I have spent the majority of my life feeling like I need to "fix" myself, like I could never be accepted or have friends--or simply exist as a person in the world--because of who I am. This feeling that something is so inherently lacking from the very core of me that it automatically makes me "the other"--different. Not human. Not the kind of human that counts, anyway.

So to the person who left the comment above: I could easily repeat your words back to you. That there must be something deeply wrong with you as a person to think it is acceptable to say something like that to a complete stranger. But what I will say instead is that I hope you never know what it's like to feel that broken. I hope no one ever throws the concept of therapy at you as an insult, a weapon to tear you down disguised as benevolence. And I hope you know that I realize your ultimate purpose is to shut me up, because you don't want to hear what I have to say. I'm just sorry to disappoint you, because I'm not going anywhere.

To go back to your Ask, @dropsandcandiez: Thank you. Truly, madly, deeply (please tell me someone got that reference), thank you. Your encouragement and that of my other followers means the world to me, and so I will keep slaying as best I can. Thanks for writing in! xx

#dropsandcandiez #crazyintheeast #reply post #didn't mean for this to turn into a slightly personal post but here we are #i can't even with this nonsense #please have several seats #i'd rather look like a 'bad' fan and talk about the reality of the situation #than look like a 'good' fan by ignoring it #on the flip side #this was such a nice surprise #i am just glad people are enjoying my ridiculous posts #thank you all you lovely people for being here #fandom woes #personal post #discourse

[elainsweetcobalt]

I think the main reason why Elriel was seen as the most toxic side of the fandom is because everytime other ships post something about Elain and Az and the million reasons why they shouldn't be together, Elriels comes out and refute it. I've always seen it on every platform. Elriels will always throw canons and it was seen as form of attack or aggressiveness.

The sad thing is only Elriels actions are seen and condemned but not the people who created baits, or post lies on the internet. The person who lies about sources and having direct contact with BB was never called out. The mole on the fb group was never called out. The blog created to bully Elriels, the elriel artists and commissioner getting bullied out of the fandom, the disrespect toward Elriel arts, the constant bullying and side remarks, and alienation to Elriels was never seen. People overlook at that because they refuse to hear what's truly happening. There are so many noises on different sides but they are the only ones allowed to share their feelings but once an Elriel did it? Once they share what they truly feel because they're also human? They get condemned. There's always a public call out. #shamelriel was the recent disappointing thing I've seen recently, followed by constant naming towards an entire group. And at the end of the day, people are convinced it is Elriels who are still "creating" dramas and toxicity.

I think Elriels should never be condemned for preferring Elain and Azriel together and for replying or reblogging someone post to clear up lies and twisting facts. Most Elriels existed since 2016, there's dramas but never this kind of attack that has been happening since 2021. I truly admire those who are here for long, those who chose to speak up and those who wished to stay silent. I know whatever Elriel does, (either keeping things private or sharing their feelings and thoughts on the internet) will be deemed negatively.

It'll be not for long though, hopefully, because acotar 5 is coming. And I wish all these petty nonsense would eventually stop.

So hold on a little longer Elriels! Most Feysand stans loves Elriels too. We may never engage on the shipwar but we can see. I know some Feysands and Elriels aren't besties but it doesn't mean we hate one because we love both. (Especially that most Elriels are Feysand stan first)

There's nothing wrong if you speak up, nothing wrong if you all wanted to clear everything. Definitely nothing wrong for loving Elain and Az (individual and together) I understand the desperate want to not be labeled as toxic because you're only here to enjoy a ship. All these noises? It'll eventually die down, you'll laugh at it someday, but the important thing is the space and friendship you created (like what your fellow Elriel said here days ago).

I promise, you guys are not the drama 💛

Ps: so many Elriel arts and fanfics lately, I'll go and support it too! And also so many new Elriels! New fanfic writers and artists, new blogs every week showing their love to Elriels. I've seen how Elriels grows on here, tiktok, twitter, and Instagram. It is very exciting 💛

Pss: tumblr may seem as not the safe space anymore unlike pre acosf, but be sure that it still is. It is because most Elriels I see truly love the ship and are very welcoming, true and warm! People will still come and find this space safe because of you guys.

Hi Anon Thanks for that message and sorry for taking so long to reply, the last few days have been a bit overwhelming and I stayed away from my inbox as some questions are not as nice as yours.

I think I agree with much of what you said although I would like to add a few things I don't think this is about ship there are some people who say "what nonsense arguing over ships" but some things go further when people are having behaviors questionable, the most decent thing would be to look at what is happening and if it is a behavior that needs to be addressed it should be done mainly if that behavior is affecting different people, we elriels are also human and many times it is painful to see what happens in this fandom, too I think people talk a lot about "my right" and forget the fact that others, if you make a violent post, don't expect people to respond with love and kindness, we all have the right to react and get angry or sad, but as little as possible. as adults is to keep ourselves as decent people and look for solutions. Thanks again for your question I really appreciate it and I hope that at some point this fandom will be what it was before and what it always should be a place to be a fan and have a good time with your friends and people who enjoy the same things as you ❤️

#elriel #anon aks

[inklessletter]

Hello!

I hope, this message finds you in good health and a pleasant day will follow after it. I guess, I just wanted to say thank you?

I opened your blog thanks to your works (absolutely stunning, by the way; I especially like the way you work with light and how the poses and facial expressions of the characters are fused into a soft mood, an atmosphere of great delicacy, almost elusive magic), but I was struck by what a pleasant, amazing and wonderful person you are besides that.

Of course, I can't claim to know you. But know, that sometimes these glimpses of your personality and worldview in your posts feel as good as a cup of the best coffee in the city you are passing through, like the most affectionate cat in white socks, which you will never see again, but who let you pet him, and like a fantastic song performed by a street musician that disappears the next morning. Something so brief, but beautiful. And at such moments, I believe, you remember, that you love people and love life. So, thank you.

Can only wish for you to stay true to yourself, always find pleasure in creativity and have the opportunity to love and be loved. If sometimes the first one seems difficult – go and find that coffee, that cat, that musician, I know that the beauty in the world will respond to your beauty. If the latter seems impossible, remember that there are probably dozens more people like me – a little bit charmed by you.

I apologize in advance for possible mistakes, I'm not a native speaker.

Goodbye!

Not gonna lie, I don't really want to answer this because I want this in my inbox for ever, so I can look at it anytime I want to, but that's selfish, I need to tell you, Anon, that if you spread this kind of love, this kind of positivity, I need to get back to you, even if I don't know who you are.

Honestly, I don't really know how to answer this message. Anon, this was probably one of the most wholesome, heart felt things I've ever been told. This is just so, so beautiful, and I'm struggling with the fact that I might not have a mental lexicon that I can use to express how this has made me feel. My presence has never been compared to a stray cat allowing you to pet them, or your favorite song perfectly performed for you just once in your life.

You nailed one thing about this, and this is the feeling I constantly attempt to address in people. That's what I want to be, ephemeral joy, someone that made something that made you smile today. I have never told this, like, publicly, but as silly as it may sound, a few years back I used to join to random chats and just talked to people, because I know what it feels to not being able to talk openly to anyone. So I became that anon, that faceles, nameless entity that helped them spill out whatever was stuck in their chests. When they started asking for my socials, I just knew it was time to jump to another random person. Didn't want to be found, didn't want to run into that person anymore because my job was done. Fleeting nice encounter, nothing more.

Your message has just struck me in the best way. Thank you so, so much for your great words and your loving feelings and wishes. Just by the way you write I can see that you're a beautiful soul that know how to find joy and I love that for you, because you too know how to give back that joy you find. That's a talent, and that's beautiful, and that's what keeps my faith alight.

There's good in the world, there's good in people, and this message is proof of that. I will remember that someone thinks of me as the best coffee in town, and as an affectionate stray kitten, as a favourite song, whenever I feel like I am worth nothing. I will remember this.

I will remember you, even if I don't know you.

Thank you so much, I hope you have the best life.

PS: I'm not a native English speaker either, but your message was flawless.

#inklessletter #personal #anon #caring #respect #loving #beautiful soul #thank you for this!

[tinylilemrys]

Lonely In London

Relationship:

Trent Crimm/Ted Lasso

Additional Tags:

Angst and Romance | Romcommunism | Friends to Lovers | Romantic Comedy | Alternate Universe – Canon Divergence

Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Summary:

Henry, worried about how lonely his dad seems to be in London, writes into an advice podcast for some help. A podcast run by an ex-colleague of Trent's – one that he listens to religiously. If Trent falls a little for 'Lonely In London' because he reminds him of Ted, well that's just coincidence. An homage to romcommunism, largely based on 'Sleepless In Seattle' with a few others thrown in for good measure.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

CHAPTER 2

It's ridiculously early on a Wednesday morning when Ted next hears from the podcast.

Dear Ted Lasso (The Ted Lasso???)

Firstly, allow me to apologise if you were hoping to remain anonymous in our correspondence. Your full name is in the email address you used to email us, and I come from a journalism background so not much gets past me. Rest assured that if you are indeed the Manager of AFC Richmond (as the context clues from your letter seem to confirm) your secret is safe with us.

This is just to ask if you would be alright with us setting up a forwarding address for emails from our listeners. We weren't anticipating you being as popular with our listeners as you are, but our inbox is flooded at the moment and seeing as the whole format of our show is dependent on the emails we receive from our listeners, it's making it difficult for us to navigate our normal mail between all the mail addressed specifically to you.

So far, from what I've seen, all of these emails seem to be from lovely people would like to commiserate about that shared feeling of loneliness. That said I cannot guarantee that every email is going to be as innocent. You wouldn't believe the shit we get in our inbox sometimes. Please take this into account when making your decision.

All that's left to say is thank you again for your letter. The episode that featured it has been our most successful by quite a margin and has boosted our subscriber base substatially. I understand that this was likely not your intention when emailing us, but I wanted to thank you for it anyway.

Wishing you all the best for your future adventures in the world of romance. I'd throw my hat in the ring myself if I wasn't such a raging lesbian.

Kind regards, Lauren Miller Content Coordinator, Help I'm So Sad Podcast Breakneck Media Network

Ted reads and rereads the email chuckling each time. It's the best thing he's received for a while. Whoever this Lauren is, he think he'd enjoy shooting the shit with her over a pint. And maybe it's just a particular way journalists write, but some of the bite in her writing reminds him of Trent's.

Which reminds him – he's promised Henry he would do something.

Howdy! Glad to hear Anabelle's safely back in London with you! No pressure if you're busy or if you don't want to, but Henry's been asking when we can get ice-cream with the Crimms again, and I promised I'd ask. It would be nice to talk at any rate. I have some ideas about Richmond that I'd love to pick your brain about as someone who knows far more about this sport I find myself coaching than I do. Let me know. 🌻

He almost second guesses the sunflower, but it's a standard part of their correspondence now, ever since Trent first started reacting to his messages that way and Ted started sending them back. He doesn't know if it counts as flirting, but it's on the border of it enough that he doesn't mind taking the risk.

He's just about to respond to the email when his phone dings next to him.

Anabelle (and I) would love that. She hasn't stopped talking about Henry since last time. She's told me she thinks he's the coolest person ever. In so many words. Let me know when you're free. My schedule is astoundingly open at the moment.

Ted grins.

How about tomorrow around 3? I've heard it's going to be a scorcher of a day by your wilting English standards.

Nice try. You've told me before that it's only barely warmer there on average than it is here. You don't get to play the American superiority card on this one.

(3 tomorrow sounds lovely, though.)

Mr Crimm, practically everything in your royalty-having, tea-loving, swearing-as-affection little country is winning me over. At least let me cling to the one or two things that I still pretend to completely love about America. 🤠🦅

(Looking forward to it🌻)

He worries for a while that he's playing too far into the realm of flirting and scaring Trent off. But then his phone dings again.

Fair enough. It's a small price to pay to hold onto Richmond's secret weapon.

(Likewise. 🌻)

He grins like an idiot and turns back to his email. He's riding such a high now that he can't even be that worried about the whackadoos he might be letting into his inbox as he types his reply to Lauren.

Hi Lauren

Thank you for your discretion. I'm not as worried about myself as I am about the wellbeing of my club and my son, who's staying with me for the summer. So your silence on the matter of me writing in continues to be appreciated.

Please go ahead and set up the forwarding address. Y'all have been so kind to my son and me with the advice, the least I can do is make sure that your inbox isn't a nightmare to navigate.

Also, do y'all have a physical address? I would really love to come by and drop off something small to say thanks.

Hoping to hear from you soon.

Lonely In London (Ted Lasso if you're nasty)

He doesn't bother waiting for a response before setting to work baking a batch of shortbread. Worse comes to worst, he'll give the batch to Trent, who, although Ted knows will never admit it, has a soft spot for it as much as Anabelle does.

Maybe he'll set some aside for Trent anyway.

He's just considering the merits of making a second batch when Henry stumbles out from the bedroom adorable and sleep-tousled, clutching his favourite duck plushie.

"Hey, Bud," he says, throwing an arm around Henry as he comes to say good morning. "Did you sleep well?"

Henry nods and rubs his eyes.

"Are you making your Rebecca cookies?" he asks.

"Yes and no," Ted replies. "Yes, it's those cookies. No, they're not actually for Rebecca. I thought we could take a trip to the Help I'm So Sad studio to give them a batch to say thanks for all their kind advice. What do you think?"

"Yeah!" says Henry, suddenly wide awake. "Can I help?"

"Of course. Why don't you go shower and change quick and we'll make the next batch together?"

"Okay!" he says, dropping his toy on the counter and bounding off with all the enthusiasm of a pre-season Dani Rojas.

"Oh boy, Quackstopher, just wait till he hears we're also getting ice-cream with Trent and Anabelle again tomorrow," he says to the abandoned duck, loud enough that Henry will hear it.

"We are?" he says, racing back into the room.

"Tomorrow," Ted laughs. "Go get today going and we'll get cracking on making some for them too, okay?"

Henry gives a little excited squeal in the place of words and runs off to the bathroom.

For a small moment, Ted can't imagine why he ever needed to write into a show called Help I'm So Sad in the first place.

***

Not since the early days of fancying Shaun has Trent put this much thought into choosing an outfit for something that isn't even a date. But here he is, putting on and removing items of clothing. Changing into and out of jeans. Trying to figure out what provides the maximum amount of looking good while simultaneously looking like he didn't put much effort into putting it together.

"Belle-Belle," he says, turning around to the corner where Anabelle is playing a few of her Barbies to get her opinion on two of his shirts. "Should I wear the pink shirt or the blue one?"

"Pink!" says Anabelle, holding up her Barbie in what Trent assumes is an explanation if the hot pink dress is anything to go on.

"Well, that's on me for asking the four-year-old who doesn’t believe in any other colour, I guess," laughs Trent. "Thanks, Squish."

He wears the pink shirt and is rewarded an hour later with a massive moustachioed grin.

"Nice shirt, TC," says Ted, pulling him into a friendly hug. "The colour suits you."

"Thanks, Ted," he says, hoping that between the glare of the sun and Ted's dark glasses his blush is obscured enough that Ted doesn't notice it. "You're looking well yourself."

"Aw, shucks," says Ted. "Don't get me all flustered now."

Henry steps forward to shake his hand and hand over a box of what Trent, to his delight, suspects might be a batch of his famous shortbread.

"Hi, Teddy! Hi Henry!" says Anabelle excitedly and Ted honest-to-god gets down on his haunches to talk to her.

"Well hey there, always-swell Anabelle," he says. "How's Thursday been treating you so far?"

"Good," says Anabelle, suddenly shy. "I've brought my Barbies and Daddy says we're getting ice-cream."

"That we are," says Ted. "Just as soon as I figure out how I'm getting up again."

He makes a big show of not being able to get up despite Anabelle and Henry's best efforts to pull him to his feet, and Trent is too charmed to even be embarrassed by the number of people watching them. Or the old lady who mutters "sweet little family" a few feet away. Let them believe that this is his dorky partner. Trent should be so lucky.

He's hit with the realisation that he's so in love it almost physically hurts.

With one last hoist, Anabelle and Henry succeed in getting Ted to his feet and when Ted loses his balance a little in the momentum, Trent is only too happy to catch and steady him. Ted, to Trent's surprise, does actually look slightly flustered for a moment, before seemingly shaking it off

"And that's why in our business we say 'teamwork makes the dream work'," Ted laughs. "Good job, squad. High-fives all round."

After a round of high-fives, they make their way into the ice-cream parlour to place their orders.

"Sorry for causing a scene out there," says Ted softly. Now that his sunglasses are folded and hanging from the buttons of his polo shirt, Trent can see his expression is a little sheepish. "It's just, I know Henry enjoys that game. He's had a busy morning and he's a little tuckered out and grumpy to boot. I thought it would pull him out of his funk a little."

"Well, it seems to have done the trick," says Trent, smiling as he looks over at a nearby table where Henry and Anabelle are playing Barbies together. "Once again Ted Lasso's unconventional methods save the day."

"Now, Trent Crimm, that's not fair. You know I'm no match for your flattering prose." He winces as though he's over-spoken. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring up your old job. Even in passing."

"It's okay to bring up my job, Ted," he says, with a gentle smile. "My time as a journalist may be at an end, but I couldn't stop being a writer if I tried."

"Fair enough," says Ted, looking relieved. "Have you given any thought to what you're going to do now?"

"As a matter of fact, I've just successfully pitched another book idea to my publisher," Trent replies.

"Well, hell, look at you go. Trent Crim, the unstoppable. What's it about?"

Trent might actually perish in the intensity of that smile.

"I was actually hoping to write about AFC Richmond." It's his turn to look sheepish, but Ted, if possible, looks even more delighted. "After all, it's a big year for you being back in the Premier League and all. And so many people, myself included, are rooting for you. Win or lose, it's sure to be a good story."

"That's a great idea," says Ted, looking genuinely delighted. "Keeley and Rebecca have been busting their butts trying to think of ways to boost our image. This is exactly the kind of thing they've been looking for."

"Yes, well, I'm still only going to write the truth. If it's a shocker of a season, I'll write it that way. Though maybe not as acerbically as I once did." says Trent, feeling somewhat self-conscious. "I don't think it will be a shocker of a season though."

"Oh yeah? How do you figure that?"

"Because in the years I've known you, Ted Lasso, I have yet to see you shy away from a challenge," says Trent. He's on the very knife's edge of plummeting into admitting everything he feels for this ridiculous, perfect man. "And I have yet to see a challenge that could best you."

He's said too much. He can't bring himself to look up now. Instead he watches as Ted scuffs a red trainer along the edge of a tile.

"Well, TC," he says in a voice barely above a whisper, "that's just about the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

"Don't get too used to it," says Trent, feeling the conversation getting away from him into dangerous waters. "Deep down I'm still the bitter old journalist I was a few months ago."

"And I wouldn't have you any other way."

There's no time to unpack that particular statement because it’s at that moment they make it to the front of the queue. By the time they've transported their orders to the table, the conversation has shifted from the tenuous place it was to Henry's one-on-one training with Jamie Tartt and how Roy Kent has even joined for a session or two. Trent wonders if Henry can even comprehend at his age how lucky he is to be getting this kind of input.

To balance out the conversation, Ted asks Anabelle about her time in Scotland and is rewarded with an entertaining but practically indecipherable four-year-old's story that Trent thinks might line up with the trip to see the highland cows Shaun told him about. Ted, to his credit, attempts to follow every word, asking follow-up questions that would make even the most hardened of journalists proud.

If Trent was under any illusions that he could spend time with Ted without his feelings growing more intense each time, today has put paid to that. Trent couldn't be more taken with him, and the idea that he might still fall deeper is as wonderful as it is terrifying.

He's allowed a moment of reprieve by Anabelle accidentally upending her tub of ice-cream and bursting into very noisy tears. Ted immediately volunteers to run and get both a wad of serviettes and a replacement for her. Henry, proving he's every bit his father's son, immediately offers Anabelle some of his ice-cream and her sobs abruptly stop. Trent watches the two of them fondly. They get along so well. It could be so easy. He just wishes Ted could see it the way he does.

Ted's phone chimes on the table where he's left it. In the years to come, Trent will swear he didn't mean to do it. He'll blame it on his almost automatic journalistic instincts. He'll claim it was a compulsion he was still in the process of working out of his system.

That doesn't change the fact that he looks down at Ted's phone in time to catch an email. An email that starts "Dear Lonely In London…"

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Trent's instincts are almost never wrong. It's how he got as far as he did as a journalist. It's what made him so good at sniffing out sources in other papers. He recognises people in writing the way other people recognise faces in a crowd.

He was always going to fall in love with Lonely In London because Lonely In London was always Ted Fucking Lasso.

And he's not stupid. The final pieces of the puzzle are fitting into place. The banter that's teetered on flirting all these years. The actual flirting they were doing right before placing their order today. The way it always stops short of actually going anywhere.

He's Ted's PR nightmare crush. And that, more than anything, is what's so fucked about this situation.

It takes all of his carefully honed deceptive skills to pretend to be calm for the rest of the afternoon, but it's murder. And Ted, Lonely In London Ted, blissfully unaware, joking, just-having-a-grand-day-out-with-the-kids Ted, has absolutely no idea how much more damage he's accidentally done to Trent's poor heart.

Trent grabs a huge glob of ice-cream with the shitty plastic spoon, hoping the inevitable headache will help distract him from his gloom for a while.

Because, really, what do you do when you've come so close to everything you've ever wanted, only for it still to be so far out of your reach?

Despair, thinks Trent, as the ice-cream hits.

Next Chapter

#tedependent #tedtrent #ted x trent #trent x ted #ted lasso #trent crimm

[firstelevens]

Sambucol, 50

50. all the rumors are true

“A gossip hotline,” MJ repeats flatly.

Betty nods. “I thought it was just a weird residual page for news tips, but I logged into the address and it’s all just gossip and rumors.”

“Does Excelsior have a page six that I don’t know about? Are we on Gossip Girl right now?”

Ned has the account access history open on his computer—something he definitely should not be able to do, but which MJ will be turning a blind eye to for the time being. “Only one teacher has ever even accessed this account: Mr. Harrington, on the day it was created. After that, it looks like it’s just the journalism kids from last year, but even that stops in December. Whatever they were gonna do with it, I think they just forgot about it.”

“But people are still submitting?”

He points to the little counter on the inbox tab. “Two tips just came in this morning.”

So they stick the younger newspaper staff on writing puff pieces and taking pictures and decide to spend the period just sorting through the tips in the inbox, on the off chance that there’s a story worth breaking open. Ned collates everything into a spreadsheet, and they filter out all the spam—there are so many links to mixtapes—and libel risks and a bunch of gross stuff that makes MJ want to pitch a schoolwide lecture series on sex positivity, and then they divide what’s left between the four of them.

It’s a pity that last year’s newspaper team abandoned the inbox when they did, actually.

Between MJ and Peter, they trace a bunch of tips that would have broken the cheating scandal at Atlas Academy two months before anyone else reported on it. Ned finds a bunch of messages that sound like someone who watched too much Breaking Bad spinning out theories about a vague chemical smell in the biology hallway, except that they all showed up a week before the fumes from improperly stored chemicals in the labs almost started a fire.

Betty even finds a few leads about stories that don’t seem to have been broken anywhere yet, and once they’re corroborated a few times, MJ throws them onto the whiteboard so they can assign them to the rest of the crew for investigation.

It would almost feel like a real newsroom, except—

Well.

Once they’ve filtered out the libel, and the slutshaming, and the contextless passive aggressive digs sent in because of interpersonal drama, they only have two things left: hints that might lead to actual stories around the school and gossip about teachers.

At first, MJ is worried that they’ll find something that she won’t know how to deal with, but half an hour into digging through the messages about school staff, it becomes clear that this is just where the student body goes to marvel over the fact that their teachers have lives outside their jobs.

‘Pretty sure Mr. Murdock is some kind of secret ninja,’ writes one student. ‘He caught Mr. Nelson’s coffee mug as soon as it got knocked off the desk and NONE OF IT SPILLED. No guidance counselor has reflexes that fast.’

‘Saw Mr. Rogers (AP gov teacher not the PBS guy) lift a whole ass couch in the teachers lounge. What the fuck,’ says another, not explaining what they were doing in the teachers lounge in the first place.

Some of them are too out there to be true: ‘Dr. Strange came into my coffee shop on Saturday with this lady and he smiled when he ordered his drink????? he’s been bodysnatched. Source: three years of class with this fuckin guy where he never cracked so much as a smirk.’

Others make so much sense that MJ’s not sure why they didn’t clock them before: ‘ran into Coach Barton straight up LARPing in the park. he had his face painted blue.’

And then there are the submissions that form such a strong pattern, anyone with half a brain would dig further to find the truth.

‘Worked a wedding this weekend,’ says a tip from last October, ‘and Mr. Wilson and Mr. Barnes were there together!!! TELL ME YOU TAKE RANDOM COWORKERS TO WEDDINGS WITH YOU.’

From December: ‘Mr. Wilson brought his nephews to the winter street fair and I heard them in the hot chocolate line asking him when someone called Uncle Bucky would get there. then Mr. Barnes showed up so I got distracted. WHOS BUCKY THOUGH? IS MR. WILSON MARRIED????’

From February 14th: ‘had Mr. Barnes for first period geography today and he was running late so we had to wait for him to unlock the door. he turned on the lights and there were flowers on every flat surface except our desks. this is not single dude behavior.’

There are two from the same night at the end of February. ‘JUST SHOWED MR BARNES AND A PRETTY LADY TO A TABLE FOR TWO. THERE ARE CANDLES. I CAN’T BELIEVE HES CHEATING ON MR WILSON RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY TABLESIDE CAESAR SALAD,’ says the first. 

The second is timestamped ten minutes later: ‘oh lmao nvm thats his sister.’

March 11th brings multiple Mr. Wilson sightings at the farmer’s market where the theater program was running its bake sale, and the general consensus is best boiled down by the shortest message of them all: ‘Mr Wilson trying to be slick and buying organic marmalade in a Rutgers sweatshirt when we all know he went to LSU.’

The tips continue into April (the umpire at Mr. Wilson’s nephew’s baseball game says they looked really cozy) and May (somebody accidentally sits behind the two of them at a movie and just leaves before it gets awkward) and into the summer, too. Someone is convinced they saw Mr. Wilson and Mr. Barnes together at the art museum downtown, another person insists they were grocery shopping together on a Saturday morning, another person sees them trying on tuxes together and definitively declares that they’re getting married. MJ is starting to understand why this inbox may have been abandoned.

When they make it to the end of the spreadsheet, she looks up at Ned and Betty and Peter.

“Do we…do we do something about this?” asks Peter.

“Yeah,” says MJ. “We shut down the email and the submission box as soon as possible, and we get rid of all this stuff. If anyone’s got more tips for us, they can send it through the normal tip line. That’s what it’s there for.”

“On it,” says Ned, already tapping away at his keyboard.

“And what do we do about all this?” asks Betty, gesturing to the spreadsheets and, MJ knows, the messages about Mr. Wilson and Mr. Barnes.

“People see what they want to see,” MJ says with a shrug. “We’d know if it was something we needed to know, and we don’t have the column space to devote to pointless gossip. Ink is expensive.”

Betty doesn’t argue, and MJ turns to the next thing on her editor-in-chief agenda for the day.

That afternoon, she walks home from the bus stop and checks the mailbox before heading up her driveway. Lifting a hand, she waves at the neighbors as they’re getting out of their car, laden with groceries.

“Hi, Mr. Wilson,” she calls out across the lawn. “Hi, Mr. Barnes.”

They both shift their overstuffed grocery bags to wave back, and then Mr. Barnes gets lightly bonked in the nose with a baguette that’s sticking out of the top, and Mr. Wilson is too busy laughing at him to do anything else. 

MJ thinks they might not have even realized that she’s already headed inside, except that she’s just turning to close her front door when she sees Mr. Wilson glance around furtively, shrug his shoulders at the lack of passersby, and then kiss Mr. Barnes’s nose.

She shuts the door, shaking her head, and hopes that tomorrow there’s something better in the anonymous tip box than a romance that literally anybody could see from a hundred paces.

#MJ can do a little gaslighting and gatekeeping. as a treat. #my instinct whenever I'm pulled in too many directions is to just write the teachers AU I guess #sambucky #taylor swift prompt fics #philtstone #my fic #sambucky and co teachers au