#really getting sick of it

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[birdmenmanga]

I think there's no greater indication that disco elysium is sympathetic towards communism when it literally says "communism is failure" and then the literal gameplay itself rewards trying and failing. The most obvious one being the Shivers check at the FELD mural, which is an Impossible 20 check BUT opens itself up again and again the longer you spend in the world doing things, but even just looking at sheer probabilities, for any given white check, rolling first and THEN putting a point into that skill upon failure is more likely to grant you success than putting a point first and then rolling, but that would require failing first.

Other things too: Precarious world saying you'll 100% fail red checks no matter what (not necessarily a bad thing, btw!! throwing the boule into the sea is a success but like. in some other ways one would want a perfect petanque throw instead. but people wouldn't typically assume that failure is desirable sometimes from the start) persuading you to accept that you'll fail some things that is irrevocable, for a world where everything is just a tiny bit easier.

The faux game over screen when you faint after reading Dora's letter— emulating a sense of failure on the scale of the entire game. When it rolls up most people go "What?? Game over?? No way, what did I do wrong!!" and waking up after that, with no huge or lasting impact on Harry's health or morale really tells the player, "Sometimes things will seem so bad that it all seems like it's coming to an end, but it's not the end, it's really not the end, go drink so water, you can still go on despite this failure"

I'm sure there are other things as well that are eluding me but like. The literal gameplay rewards failing and succeeding far more so than simply succeeding every single time, and I think you get a fuller experience of Elysium that way too

#just thinking thoughts... #disco elysium #idk man when did we get so scared of failing!! #people never want to speak in class because 'what if I'm wrong :(((' #well then you are wrong... that is okay... it's normal to fail... sometimes saying the wrong thing is a great way to jumpstart a topic... #'getting a good grade in X is both normal to want and possible to achieve' #okay sure but have you made peace with the fact that getting a BAD grade in X isn't a bad thing? #a bad grade in being friends... okay... so you didn't check up on someone in 3 months... you failed... that's fine... #you can learn from it!! you can learn how to keep in touch with people. how to take care of them when they're sick. #how to resolve a dispute. how to communicate and compromise. these are all things you are not born with #and will fail first before succeeding at #Like yes I get that in the age of surveillance your failures may be recorded and preserved forever and that's not great #but if we don't normalize failure I really think we'll just suffocate and die

[wilimia]

Dungeon Meshi is fun

#started watching it #very fun! #i tried reading it a while back but couldn't really get into it #might try and pick it up again idk #i randomly got pretty sick tho so lazy art it is #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #delicious in dungeon #marcille donato #wilimia art

[ceci-seesaw]

EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP

Thank u for coming to my ted talk

#pjotv #!!!!! #tragic how the bare minimum is so exciting. #if they have anyone other than the token manual wheelchair user. well then I’ll REALLY get excited #anyway. #sick ass wheelchair also. VERY appropriate for a demigod. #the tough terrain wheels active wheel tilt….they even have a bag #pjo #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo tv #pjo trailer

[lesbianviolet]

still insane abt ruby and silver eyes in general. incase anyone was wondering

#ruby rose #rwby #my art #artists on tumblr #sawry for being so slow on tha art lately uni has been so crasey #but if nobody got me i know drawing ruby got me!!!!!!!!!!! never gonna get sick of her #did this in greyscale then added colour but didnt really know if i liked th colour so. u get both ^-^

[teeth--king]

I am that type of guy who gets anxious over asking out video game characters haha, so it took ages for me to actually marry the digital book man despite maxing his heart soon after giving him the bouquet. Silly little art time to sooth my sick heart. Also decided to change up Wolfe's hair, just gonna say he cut it for their wedding.

Also sorry to Elliott my man, one of my cows gave birth the first night he was on the farm. I can imagine that would be something...

#I had a comic but scrapped it because it started to look like trash because I worked on it while really sick and messed it up #I am cursing IRL summer!!! allergies. heat. getting so stressed I get sick!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I just want to play games #art #stardew valley #stardew #sdv #stardew valley elliott #stardew elliott #sdv elliott #stardew valley farmer #stardew farmer #sdv farmer #stardew valley art #stardew art #sdv art #fanart

[boneinator]

Ik there are usamericans following me I have a question for yall , what the fuck do y'all even eat . Like . The typical huge greasy American breakfast has to be an exaggeration but I really can't think of meals that don't contain stuff exclusive to my country and do you guys even have that honestly

#no dulce de leche ... no pepas .... no milanesas ...... #what a sad life #/j ofc im being hyperbolic but fr what #I mean this as in like . what you usually have in your main meals not something specific #also let's not even talk about the hours y'all manage im going to get sick . dinner at 6 pm ??? ong no honor to the merienda ... #rambles #completely random post but im just really tired my brain doesn't work very well

[that-rad-jewish-girl]

The irony of saying #landback and “we live on stolen land” while condemning Israel’s existence is so strange.

You want land to go back to the natives - no matter how long ago the land was taken - unless it belongs to Jews. Then they can go F off.

And because you don’t have a reasonable defense for this weird combo of beliefs, you just deny the indigeneity of Jews altogether. This is something that can be proven with simple google searches and logic. Our ancient artifacts and structures are in the land, and our “origin stories” are largely about the land and us residing in it. Yet, you refuse to believe we are indigenous.

Even more funny is that you then argue Arabs are the real indigenous people to this land. Arabs are colonizers in the Middle East and North Africa. Arabic is a colonial language. They originated in the Arabian peninsula, and took over MENA countries. They had nationalist policies that largely eradicated the people and/or cultures already present in those lands. A lot of the people present were Jews, who were killed or driven out by pogroms.

Educate yourself for crying out loud.

#jewish #israel #pro israel #israel 🇮🇱 #idf #israeli military #jewblr #jumblr #hamas is evil #antisemites #antisemitic #it’s getting ridiculous #like really old #sick and tired of explaining basic history to these people #read a fucking book #educate yourself #the only colonizer here is you

[betweenblackberrybranches]

Soooo Hanahaki disease am i right?

Part 2 Part 3

Luckily the guys arent in as immidiate danger as y/n because they can just open up their insides and get all that stuff out before it gets too bad... they could also just try to get over y/n but they would never do that

And y/n is just having a time being helplessly in love with their animatronic coworkers, too afraid to confess and too stubborn to forget about them

White clover and forget-me-nots if anyone is interested

#fnaf sun #fnaf moon #fnaf dca #daycare attendant x reader #sundrop #moondrop #my art #hanahaki #would this be considered robot gore? you technically see their insides? #cw robot gore #??? #well anyways i hate the version of hanahaki were you die if the other person rejects you because thats bullshit #i see it as your repressd feelings taking form so if you dont let go of them or let them out you get yourself seriously sick #so uh the flowers dont really represent anything i just made it what felt right #this is a 0% energy comic i just made this to get back into drawing the guys...

[girlboyburger]

i was extremely sleep deprived yesterday when i discovered the dragon survival mod which was LIFE CHANGING when you're on three hours of sleep so of course i made a whole custom forest dragon texture in one day about it. and. just for fun, some concept art i made for it:

#aka i was too tired to trust myself to speak coherently with clients or make commission work up to my standards. but i need to be productive #or ill die #my art #minecraft #mineblr #dragon #dragonsona #of sorts #forest dragon #earth dragon #lush cave #mods in the video tht are noticable btw: complimentary reimagined shaders. alex's mobs. ambient sounds 5. mizuno 16 craft resource pack. #and a really cool seed i found online :] #video #NOT my model but im going to tag it as #my model #since it's 3D work!! actual model made by blackaures who made the mod and also some SICK ass dragon art #also. patreon gets to see the other 3 pages of concept art i made for this later today! :] wink wink nudge. coughs #sorry i need to shill #um. anyways #no name for this dragon yet. i do know it steals livestock from too-small village/illager pens #to give them enriched lives in its expansive cave farm #i'd like to come back to this eventually and touch up the wing design since the glowing spots didnt really shake out

[canterbury-bell]

Bunnydoll Week 2023

Day 5: Sickness

#bunnydollweek2023 #bunnydoll #jax x ragatha #my art #Another day where I really didn't have time #Stubbornly I refuse to fall behind though #Drawing them sort of chibi seems to be the go to when I'm scrambling to post something after work #How do you get sick in the circus? I imagine it's not a regular illness but a lingering effect from an adventure #They both have it #jax #ragatha #digital circus #tadc

[arr-jim-lad]

i cant even properly explain how it emotionally affects me when my cat comes up to me for cuddles. small creature walks up to me, a giant, in search of a gentle touch, because he trusts me completely. that is what love is. that is what the universe is built for. i want to cry

#i've been really sick for a week and haven't had the energy to play with navid for a while #and i feel like he's been so understanding about it?? #like he gets it that im not well so he's not being pushy to play as he usually is when im healthy #i love him so so so much #jamble ramble #navid #my cat

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 136

 There is a small child floating in the Watchtower. 

They’re visibly not human, a too-big cloak of purple (what shade no one knows, all they can describe about the cloak is purple, nothing else) hanging from them as big Lazarus-green eyes glare down in something of a pout. The child huffs, blowing white hair out of their face despite it shimmering and shifting on its own already. 

How the child, inhuman or not, found their way into the Watchtower- without setting off an alarm no less- is a concern. A very large concern, but it can wait because there is a four-year old (if the child is the equivalent of a human child that is) at oldest staring down at them. 

 “Do you know where the speedsters are?” the child piped up after an awkward stare-down, none of the league members present quite sure what to do in this situation. It was probably around time to call Batman… or they could call Flash instead. 

#dcxdp #dpxdc #prompts #Lil Time-Student Danny: The speedsters keep making Pops sick >:/ #Danny sneaking out to yell at the speedsters: #The JL who have no idea what’s going on #If Danny starts crying they’re gonna panic #How did Danny become a child? #Well there was an explosion and death and he didn’t want to go with Vlad #But staying in the Clocktower for so long has effects #Plus Clockwork had already claimed him as his ghostling #Some days Danny is younger and sometimes he’s his normal 14 years of age #Bonus on if the time medallion in his chest is now visible similar to Clockwork’s clock #He's just a lil baby ghostling whose parent keeps getting Really sick and he's scared #Gonna yell or punch at the people tearing through time and hurtin his dad #Whos gonna stop him #FK is too busy gathering medicine and tea for CW #The remaining observants are hoping Phantom gets stuck somewhere so they don't have to deal with the baby Ancient

[neganium]

Things have changed.

On the afternoon of the 14th of September, at a roughly estimated 14-15 years of age, Lilith was taken to the vet for the last time.

You may wonder why we still have this fundraiser up. It was never about having enough funds to care for her, but rather, paying off the costs for her care that we had already accrued. As I said in the original version of this post before the edit, just because she's gone, it doesn't mean that the debt also disappears. As such, the post will continue to be spread as normal, until all of the debt is cleared.

I will be queuing this to post multiple times a day for the next several days, and will continue to do so so long as it is relevant. I do not particularly care if this bothers anyone; you don't have to look at it if you don't want to. It's easy enough to ignore if you have XKit or whatever; I just ask that you reblog it at least once if you plan on never having to see it again.

#gofundme #sick animal #animal death #tw animal death #I don't really know what to tag this with in order to get it seen so I'm gonna be relying heavily on word of mouth y'all #if you can't help directly then at least spread it as far and wide as you can; wherever you're allowed to do so

[gwyoi]

hi everyone sorry to make another post, but I was sick with a sinus and ear infection that I had to miss 4 days of work to recover from. I just need enough to get out of the negatives and pay for my car insurance, which is $160. I’ll hopefully be getting a second job remotely soon but until then I am a little bit fucked.

4/12/24 - $0/300

paypal - gwyoi

venmo - gwyoi

cashapp - gwyoi

#I tried selling more clothing items but I think I’ve run out of stuff since this time I only got $10 for shoes. #I’ll be selling a watch I got for my 16th bday but I think it will only be worth $80 since its just Kate spade ? but idk if it will sell #soon on Facebook #I feel bad asking again since I had to ask for help because I was really sick in December but hopefully once I get second remote job I’ll #be able to work weekends too #gwon

[woozi]

first date

#kpopgfxnetwork #svtgifs #svtcreations #svtsource #17net #studiocarat #seventeen #svt #kpopco #dinosource #hourlydino #forsvt #dinonetwork #dino #lee chan #y.psd #dn #videos that get you institutionalized #this is so sick and twisted btw #literally forgot just how much i LIKEDDD this man #in my loser era again close ur eyes #ALSO THE ACTUAL CONTENT IS SO </333333333333 that little guy really is my favorite idol #he really puts in the effort his idolsona's gone & he's just a lil awk i find it so endearing </3 #anyway <333 dinontent to relieve everyone's stress including mine lmfao