#romantic/sexual relationship is not 'better' than qpr

[missbiddle]

Getting accused of being an aphobe, despite being ace/aro myself, because I'm critical of consistent wlw ships being considered QPR, is a new one.

This just in - sometimes, asexuals don't want QPR in their media and just want to see sapphic relationships that actually allow attraction because female attraction, and especially lesbian attraction, is either hypersexualised, made puritan, or just doesn't exist. Let ladies wanna be with ladies.

I'm asexual. I don't have interest in sex, at all. In fact, I don't have interest in romantic relationships for myself either. But, not wanting a romantic/sexual sapphic relationship as a QPR and being critical of the vitriol being spat at sapphics for being critical of wlw ships constantly being considered QPR but het or mlm not getting that treatment, does not make me a fucking aphobe.

#anyway im done with this fucking discourse #romantic/sexual relationship is not 'better' than qpr #and qpr is not better than romantic/sexual #calling ppl aphobes because they question and criticise the pattern of wlw ships consistently being better as qpr is bad #lesbophobia is incredibly rampant in the cr fandom and has been #for ages #let lesbians want a ficking romantic relationship without calling them aphobes #fuck me dead #couldnt even be bothered tagging this for the fucking ship tbh #but to those out there; its okay to shop imogen and laudna romantically #youre not an aphobe for not seeing them as qpr or wanting them to be in a traditional romantic partnership #this is comijg from an aro/ace

[arodescence]

General Aspec Terms

These are going to be some general terms used in the Aspec community and their meanings!

・Aspec - Short for "Aromantic/Asexual Spectrum" (use this when referring to both the aromantic and asexual communities as a whole!)

・Arospec - Short for "Aromantic Spectrum" (Use this when referring to the aromantic community as a whole)

・Acespec - Short for "Asexual Spectrum" (Use this when referring to the asexual community as a whole)

・Alloromantic/Allosexual - The opposite of asexual/aromantic! When someone does feel romantic/sexual attraction they are considered to be alloromantic/allosexual.

・Amatonormativity - Amatonormativity is the assumption that monogamous romantic/sexual relationships are central to life and that relationships that meet the amatonormative standard are inherently better than relationships that fall outside that standard.

・Non-partnering - Non-partnering aros/aces are aspecs that do not wish to have significant others.

・ S.A.M - Short for "Split Attraction Model" The Split Attraction Model helps us understand human sexuality and attraction in a more detailed way. It recognizes that attraction isn't just one simple feeling, but can be made up of different parts. Such as, romantic attraction, sexual attraction, and alterous attraction.

・QPR - Short for "Queerplatonic/Quasiplatonic Relationship" A QPR is a relationship that goes beyond what is normal for the stereotypical platonic relationship but usually isn't romantic either.

・AroAce - AroAce is a term to describe someone is who both aromantic (aro) and asexual (ace). Not everyone on the aspec is aroace!

・Romance/Sex Repulsed, Indifferent, and Favorable - In the aspec community you will find that many of us have varying feelings on engaging in romantic/sexual things regardless of our identities, so we use these descriptors to tell others what we are and are not comfy with!

A brief guide to repulsed/indifferent/favorable

・Favorable - If someone is romance/sex favorable that means that they are comfy with and may enjoy romance/sex even if they are aro/ace.

・Indifferent - If someone is romance/sex indifferent that means that they are neutral about romance/sex. They don't hate it but they don't go crazy for it either.

・Repulsed - If someone is romance/sex repulsed that means that they are uncomfortable with romance/sex.

#aroace #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aspec #arospec #acespec

[anistarrose]

I think when a lot of queer people who aspire to marriage, and remember (rightly) fighting for the right to marriage, see queer people who don't want marriage, talking about not entering or even reforming or abolishing marriage, there's an assumption I can't fault anyone for having — because it's an assumption borne of trauma — that queers who aren't big on marriage are inadvertently or purposefully going to either foolishly deprive themselves of rights, or dangerously deprive everyone of the rights associated with marriage. But that's markedly untrue. We only want rights to stop being locked behind marriages. We want an end to discrimination against the unmarried.

We want a multitude of rights for polyamorous relationships. We want ways to fully recognize and extend rights to non-romantic and/or non-sexual unions, including but not limited to QPRs, in a setting distinct from the one that (modern) history has spent so long conflating with romance and sex in a way that makes many of us so deeply uncomfortable. And many of us are also disabled queers who are furious about marriage stripping the disabled of all benefits.

We want options to co-parent, and retain legal rights to see children, that extends to more than two people, and by necessity, to non-biological parents (which, by the way, hasn't always automatically followed from same-gender marriage equality even in places where said equality nominally exists. Our struggles are not as different as you think). We would like for (found or biological) family members and siblings to co-habitate as equal members of a household, perhaps even with pooled finances or engaging in aforementioned co-parenting, without anyone trying to fit the dynamic into a "marriage-shaped box" and assume it's incestuous. We want options to leave either marriages, or alternative agreements, that are less onerous than divorce proceedings have historically been.

I can't speak for every person who does not want to marry, but on average, spurning marriage is not a choice we make lightly. We are deeply, deeply aware of the benefits that only marriage can currently provide. And we do not take that information lightly. We demand better.

Now, talking about the benefits of marriage in respective countries' current legal frameworks, so that all people can make choices from an informed place, is all well and good — but is not an appropriate response to someone saying they are uncomfortable with marriage. There are people for whom entering a marriage, with all its associated norms, expectations, and baggage, would feel like a betrayal of one's self and authenticity that would shake them to their core — and every day, I struggle to unpack if I'm one of them or not. If I want to marry for tax benefits, or not. If that's worth the risk of losing disability benefits, in the (very plausible) possibility that I have to apply for them later in life. If that's worth the emotional burden of having to explain over and over, to both well-meaning and deeply conservative family members, that this relationship is not one of romance or sex. (Because, god, trying just to explain aromanticism or asexuality in a world that broadly thinks they're "fake" is emotional labor enough.)

Marriage is a fundamental alteration to who I am, to what rights an ableist government grants me, and to how I am perceived. I don't criticize the institution just because I enjoy a "free spirit" aesthetic or think the wedding industry is annoying, or whatever.

#to claim “gay marriage is assimilationist” is of course bullshit and ahistorical #but to claim “gay marriage is the last marriage reform we need” is even more bullshit. in the vein of “fuck you; i got mine” #amatonormativity #marriage #there's also something idk if i'm that qualified to articulate as a culturally christian person (even if nonreligious) #but concepts of marriage (or lack thereof) vary across the globe and across cultures #yet legal marriage - which crosses borders via presence in immigration law (in addition to obvious colonialism) #can impose extremely eurocentric norms onto countless people #which is a strong argument for separating spiritual/religious marriage from legal benefits tbh #they're *supposedly* separated in the US but you know obergerfell wouldn't have taken until 2015 if that was fully true

[imashittalkingmushroom]

My problem is that the HarveyxBrucexKhoa dynamic that I've really created in my head is not actually the three of them but rather Bruharvey and a Khoa who is a jealous and petty mf.

It's 100% Harvey reentering bruce's life in a much more permanent way and Knoa immediately being like 'who tf is this?? Bruce, you can do so much better. also. you dont get to leave this friendship for some stupid romance.' and thus he needs to prove that 1) there are people out there (khoa) who can be much better romantic and sexual partners than just some guy and 2) Khoa is actually the only life partner you can have. it's not up for discussion.

So you have

Harvey, who, after lots of therapy and a few decades of ups and downs with bruce, is confident that bruce will never leave him. And he's just giving khoa the side eye cuz this random guy that Bruce met in europe years ago is continuously and rudely interrupting their dramatic, bittersweet and romantic reunion that they've been building up to for DECADES

Khoa, who refuses to admit that he wants a qpr with bruce and is in a one-sided pissing contest with harvey

and bruce, who is happy to have both Harvey and Khoa back in his life but is a little weirded out because while yes, he and khoa did have a good fuck every once in a while, Khoa is getting a bit intense and Bruce is like 99.99% sure that their relationship wasn't like that but now that .01% of doubt is hitting him in the face real hard

#i would imagine that bruharv is an open realtionship #and this is like basically a love triange but one side is qpr #and if bruce and khoa actually ever talked about emotions they'd just realize that what theyre looking for is 100% doable #idk how well harvey and khoa would get along i havent gotten that far into my repetitive bruharvkhoa daydream lol #for now theyre just kindof existing near eachother for bruces sake #bruharv #twobats #ghostbat #brukhoa #shittalkingmushroomarts #bruce wayne #minhkhoa khan #harvey dent

[antimony-medusa]

Think: Does This Relationship Need To Be Family Dynamic??

Okay so people more articulate than me have made posts about how imediately family-coding and aging down characters and saying "this is the child and this is the DAD" is infantilization, and it's really fucking blatant when you do it to women, and it's really fucking glaring when you do it to disabled women. MCYT has the idea that family dynamic The Superior Dynamic and couldn't possibly be objectionable, but like, it is often straight up disrespectful. We are talking about adults. They are adults. Stop assigning them baby.

I have bitten the bullet and gone GUYS I AM BEGGING YOU and mentioned that Daddy Kink is a thing that is popular out in the world and that immediately fixating on one character as a Daddy and one as a Little is actually the opposite of trying to come up with a non-shipping option. Like I am not judging here if that's what floats yoru boat, but at some point you are putting kink posts in the main tag, even if it's not overtly sexual, and some of these posts I am only calling deniably non-sexual because you HAVE to know what you're doing.

But even aside from all of these things, someone brought something up in GC today that I think is worth mentioning. QSMP is an international server drawing from a lot of different cultures, and a focus on a nuclear family dynamic, with everyone being father-son or brother-sister to each other, is a really Western concept of what relationships are important. Kinship ties beyond the nuclear family are an important thing in a lot of cultures, and extended family is a thing (cousins, anyone?), and community ties are a thing (it takes a village?), and people choosing to be part of a sect or group is a thing (they have the ordem right there!), and esprit de corps is a thing (you try and tell me codebreakers don't have a warriors bond) and insisting that everyone is in a strict nuclear family is just an incredibly 1950s america way to view things. It's a narrowing of the possibilities in the relationships. I think we can do better than enforcing our cultural views on what relationshps are at the top of the hiarchy just like, across the board.

So like, okay, maybe you don't want to ship characters. That's awesome. That's fine. Shipping is not mandatory. Instead of always saying "they're brother-sister" because you want to celebrate their relationship, maybe consider sometimes letting them just be epic friends, or close connections where you're the Tia of his children but there's no blood there, or a qpr knot where you have important bonds with people but no formal romantic ties, or take one of the relationship types mentioned above.

Like, I have my woes with family dynamic especially because of the first two points and because I find it tends to strip characters down to archetypes which I'm not into, but also I'm very aware that it can be done in such a way that it respects everyone involved and is great. I am not arguing that family dynamic is inherently problematic. But there are some significant pitfalls with using it, and I'm really asking you to consider the implications of what you're messaging before you start sticking people in a family format.

#qsmp #and I personally read some painful kidfic in a different fandom now so even me as an avowed kidfic enjoyer is like goddamn #when you reduce a character down to Baby with no character and Dad with no character #that's not good writing #Maybe celebrate the actual character a little more? #qsmpblr #discourse #fandom meta

[fnafs-ex-boyfriend]

Why shipping aroace characters is different

So I made a post a while back about my distaste for Vivziepop, the creator of Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss. One of the things that I mentioned in that post was that I disliked how callously she treated the shipping of Alastor, her aroace character (note: he is indeed canonically aroace, Vivziepop confirmed that he was ace and an artist on the show clarified that he was aro as well, which seems to be the implication for the character from Vivziepop and her team). I had a few people regard with confusion, asking what the difference was between shipping an aroace character and shipping, say, a straight character in a gay ship. There’s a key difference that I want to cover for my well-meaning allo (not ace or aro) friends. (Note: I definitely have different standards for QPR shipping and friends-with-benefits shipping aro and/or ace characters, but if I see ANY allo people using QPRs without knowledge of how they actually work and use them as an excuse to ship an aro character….i will find you)

The difference that I, an aroace man, have in my mind is that Aroace characters should not be shipped in a traditional way because we have so little representation in the first place. How many gay people have you seen in media? How many bisexuals? How many lesbians? There are numerous examples of these more common sexualities all throughout popular media. One reason why this kind of representation is more popular is mostly due to two factors: One of which is, obviously, that the three listed are more commonly known by the populous, thus are guaranteed to get a better reaction from a widespread audience. The other reason to this is that aro-asexuality has to be represented differently than other orientations. With most orientations, if a creator wants to properly represent their identities, they will put the character in question in a relationship with someone of the same gender as them (Amity from The Owl House or Jackie from Star Versus the Forces of Evil), or they will give the character a chaotic realization-to-coming-out storyline, often tied to a romantic relationship (Nick from Heartstopper). However, with aroace people, you can’t really adhere to this traditional standard, as the entire point of the orientation is a lack of interest in sex or romance. Therefore, they tend to be harder to represent other than giving them a full storyline about their sexuality (Isaac from Heartstopper) or their orientation must be made clear by the creator (Lilith from The Owl House). These factors make aromantic and/or asexual characters quite rare in popular media.

What does this have to do with shipping aro-ace characters? Well, I can name countless well-represented gay, lesbian, and bisexual characters in popular media. But for aroaces, there’s really only a handful. It hurts to not see yourself in media. And, from my perspective, when people ship aroace characters, they’re callously disregarding that fact by ignoring their canon sexuality. Shipping Percy Jackson with Grover or whatever isn’t taking away from straight representation because, well, reread the first half of that sentence. Additionally, never, EVER have I seen people defend people who ship lesbians or gay men with a character of the opposite sex the same way they defend shipping aro-ace characters. Amity x Hunter is a famously reviled ship in the Owl House fandom due to this very fact. What’s the difference between shipping a character who, by definition, isn’t attracted to men, and shipping a character who, by definition, isn’t attracted to anyone?

Anyway, as a media enthusiast, I just wanted to share my thoughts, because this drives me insane when I see things like this. Well-meaning allo shippers, nothing against you, but please try to think about what you’re doing to marginalized communities before doing anything.

Sincerely,

The Number One Annoying Asexual Fandom Guy

#aromantic #asexual #aromantism #asexuality #aroace #aroace representation #media representation #lgbtqia #lgbt+ community #lgbtq+ #shipping #ship culture #the number one asexual fandom guy posts #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor

[communiteee]

my rough and incomplete take on Trobed

I don't think they are or should be in a typical gay relationship. But they are canonically, undeniably queer. Their friendship is like what most people imagine a QPR to function as. It is the most important/valued relationship for both of them out of the study group and everything else. They build their lives around each other (living together, playing together, caring for each other) until Troy goes on his boat ride.

I've heard some aroace Abed headcanons, and though he wore a hoodie with the sunset flag stripes, I disagree. The truth of the matter is, Abed fucks. This is important rep because lots of disabilities are (can't think of the word, but - assumed to not have/want sex because abled people find them undesirable and incapable of wanting/feeling things for themselves - poor phrasing but the point stands). So Abed being canonically autistic and having many hook-ups throughout the show is really cool. I also definitely think Troy is gay.

This is where it gets complicated for those unaware of the nuances of amatanormativity.

I think that Trobed (assuming Troy ever comes back from the boatride) prioritize one another and build their lives together, like people want spouses to do. They live together, they care for each other, they cuddle and talk like they are in a romantic relationship. Hell, maybe they even do have full-on romantic feelings. the important part is, they are best friends first. They are fundamentally FRIENDS, and they also have some other stuff going on. This is not a transition stage, it is not hiding their true feelings. They acknowledge that their friendship is queer. I could honestly see them having sex - as best friends, who maybe have romantic feelings too.

To explain this better, think of the phrase "your spouse is your best friend." I'm almost certain I've talked about this in another post but I'm tired and I don't care. The hypothetical "you" and "spouse" are first and foremost, lovers. You also have a friendship between you. Trobed reverses this. Their friendship is most important. Their platonic feelings drive their interactions and decisions. They also have secondary romantic feelings, like icing on a cake. Sex to them is something casual, like building a blanket fort. It's fun, they enjoy it, and it's a way to show love together. It's not fundamental, their relationship doesn't rest on it, and it's just another activity for them.

Abed and Troy would probably sexually open and having casual flings here and there, like Abed does in the show. Troy would get jealous if someone moved in on Abed like a best friend, rather than an interested lover. Because first and foremost, they are best friends.

#abed nadir #troy barnes #community nbc #community tv #community #aro #aromantic #allo aro #gay #queer #queer platonic relationship #qpr #relationship analysis #character analysis

[tsams-confessions]

ive been scrollin through some of these posts, especially the solarmoon stuff and i have my own opinions

i dont hate it. but i heavily dislike it. not bc its "incestuous" (bc its not), but rather bc im seeing aroace rep being thrown down the drain. i do know the whole "but aro/aspec ppl can have sex/be in romantic relationships" but like... moon is repulsed. hes shown that he is, both in older episodes and a newer VERY RECENT one. to quote, "i dont swing that way brother! i dont swing any way-!"

i just. really fucking hate how the moment moon started questioning ppl went "SHIP HIM SHIP HIM GO GO GO."

also, i like moon and solars relationship better as friends than romantic. probably my personal opinion, but it not only allows more freedom but also more flavor. "wdym 'more flavor'" have u considered that friendships can actually have MULTIPLE dynamics in it instead of simply romantic or familial? u can FLIRT as friends, u can CUDDLE as friends, u can TEASE each other as friends, u can see each other as FAMILY as friends. u can literally do wutever u want as friends! and the idea that relationships r only "interesting" if theyre romantic is just bullshit and amatonormativity. and im saying this as someone who loves shipping characters. im a multi shipper! tho usually i go with qprs since full romance doesnt really do it for me 🤷‍♂️

but anyway. i just- really wish ppl would let moon be aroace and NOT ship him. leave him be. discover the wonders of wut being friends is like. expend ur world view and discover that friendships can be equal in value as romantic relationships. and also just- stop romanticizing/sexualizing everything OTL

.

#sun and moon show #the sun and moon show #tsams #sams #tsams confession #< block this if you dont want to see these #the solarmoon debate #hey anon jsyk this gets a little too close to the ''dont talk about solarmoon incest'' rule #since it was just a brief mention we agreed to post it but for future reference #mod 1blood

[dreamsofanenbysapphic]

arospec

a poem(?), a collection of ideas, things i have been thinking about, about relationships and the platonic/romantic binary

some citations:

arospec wiki sources, amatonormativity, instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy, my favorite poem by alok vaid-menon, aromantic manifesto, amatopunk

full text below the cut:

screenshotted text from various sources over a galaxy background, spread across two images:

arospec, is an umbrella term

People on the aromantic spectrum may feel little to no romantic attraction, or feel romantic attraction differently, more rarely or

Loveless Aro describes someone who is some way disconnected from the concept of love, rejects the idea that they need to experience love

Quoiromantic (also called WTFromantic experiences may include:

Finding the concept of romance to be inaccessible, inapplicable, or nonsensical.

the questioning itself

becomes the identity

Disidentifying with the concept of romantic attraction - either as a social construct or as something potentially applicable to oneself.

a disidentification with the romantic/nonromantic binary,

They may consider themselves relationship anarchists.

Amatonormativity

to describe the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship.

[elizabeth brake]

Due to the ambiguous nature of romantic attraction, sometimes defined by the actions that one takes during a relationship, such as holding hands, kissing, or cuddling. However, none of these activities alone necessarily indicate romantic attraction.

The prefix nebula- comes from the Latin word nebulous, meaning "clouded" or "unclear".

Queerplatonic relationships (QPR) and queerplatonic partnerships (QPP) are committed intimate relationshisp which are not romantic

This way of thinking is also one that places certain relationships above others, such as Romantic relationships being viewed as 'above' or 'superior' to Platonic relationships. If two people are dating they are 'more than friends'. If they aren't dating then they're 'just friends'.

Amatonormativity prompts the sacrifice of other relationships to romantic love and marriage and relegates friendship and solitudinousness to cultural invisibility.

Amatopunk!

challenges amatonormativity, and how society views aspec people, polyamorous people, and others who do not fit into the "right" mold.

Relationship Anarchy (abbreviated RA) is the belief that relationships should not be bound by set rules, aside from the rules the individuals involved mutually agree upon.

sensualarians have relationships that are often "in between" typical relationships categories, whereas relationship anarchy completely breaks down all relationship categories

Relationship anarchy questions the idea that love is a limited resource

i want a world where friendship is appreciated as a form of romance. i want a world where when people ask if we are seeing anyone we can list the names of all of our best friends

[alok vaid-menon, friendship is romance]

queer liberation must abolish romance as its long term goal aromantics aspire to:

view queer intimacies as web-like counter-publics that reinforce rather than compete with and enervate each other.

transform queer intimacy into political solidarity and action.

[aromantic manifesto]

Relationship anarchy (sometimes abbreviated RA) is the application of anarchist principles to intimate relationships. Its values include autonomy, anti-hierarchical practices, anti-normativity, and community interdependence. RA is explicitly anti-amatonormative and anti-mononormative and is commonly, but not always, non-monogamous.

With one's relationships starting as a blank slate, the act of distributing physical intimacy, sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, etc. is according to one's desires rather than preexisting "rules"

Queerness is a longing that propels us onward, beyond romances of the negative and toiling in the present. Queerness is that thing that lets us feel that this world is not enough, that indeed something is missing.

[josé estabon muñoz, cruising utopia]

#arospec #relationship anarchy #amatonormativity #queer poetry #napowrimo #nebula writes #or in this case nebula collects a bunch of screenshots of ideas that live rent free in their head #it was useful to me to organize the ideas a bit #everyone pretend i spelled cruising right in the image

[smolbeanie1221]

Being aroace spec can be so confusing

My first relationship was with a girl, and I kinda just went along with what she wanted to do bc I figured, well she’s enjoying it so I must be enjoying this too… I didn’t mind anything we did, I just didn’t care or think about it.

Second relationship was with a guy, and at this point my mom had made me feel incredibly guilty for having been with a girl before, joys of being afab in a religious family and the first person you date is a girl. And he was… definitely pushy. Again tho, I just went along with it bc I figured, well he wants to do this and I just have to be bi so there’s a chance I’ll be a normal girl and end up with a guy someday so I have to be enjoying this too… Yeah I definitely was feeling a lot of pressure there.

At this point, I had not felt actual sexual attraction towards anyone, and I don’t think I was ever romantically in love with either of those people.

Third relationship was with a guy who was also one of my best friends. We were kinda dating for a summer and it was a better relationship than the previous, but in the end we went back to just being friends and it was better that way.

At this point, I’m very confused, but I discover this wonderful thing called ASEXUALITY. And everything suddenly made sense. Except for one small thing.

Fourth relationship that never actually became a relationship. I was in some type of love with a different best friend, I would say demi/sapio-romantic (romantically attracted because of both an emotional and mind connection basically). But he was definitely aromantic, but allosexual. I was romantically attracted to him, but asexual… right??? For years I was confused because I wanted an actual official relationship and I would’ve been more than okay with sleeping with him. But… that can’t be sexual attraction?? I’m ace?? Right?? Ahhhhhh. Yeah so I was very confused around him. Turns out, I’m actually demi-ace, but I didn’t realize that until years later after I lost contact with him, and I’ve been too scared to reach out to him lol. Anyways I have a gf now anyways. And that’s been the only time that the demi part of my ace-ness has come out, pun intended lol.

Actual fourth relationship. Definitely romantic and completely non-sexual. Really good relationship for over a year, and that partner helped me become more comfortable with my gender identity and we both were ace and it was really good for a while. It just wasn’t a relationship that was built to grow, so eventually we drifted apart.

Fifth relationship. A non-romantic and non-sexual relationship. Lasted less than a year, but made me realize that I was also aro spec bc being in a relationship that did not have romantic or sexual expectations felt so comfortable and right.

Sixth relationship. The one that broke my heart. My other best friend in that time frame, we were incredibly close and bonded over everything, from our mental health struggles to books to sheetz runs to everything. Eventually we officially were boyfriends in a qpr. They were my number one person for so long, my life partner. There was never anything romantic or sexual, but we loved each other deeply. Until life happened and they changed and I had to break up with them and got my heart broken.

All of these took place from late middle school to early college by the way. I went from, oh I’m a girl and I like girls! To, shit I can’t like girls so I have to like boys too bc I have to be bisexual at least. To, ohhhh so I can actually not want to sleep with people and that’s normal too?? So I’m nonbinary and asexual? That makes sense. To, why why if I’m ace would I be more than okay sleeping with him??? To, huh i think I’m aro spec too. To, okay I’m definitely aro spec, probably demi-aro technically and… probably demi-ace too? Yeah that’s probably right.

At the same time, I didn’t feel as tho romantic was necessarily the right word for me. I mean I’ve experienced romantic attraction I think, but it usually felt kinda forced by either my partner’s expectations or by society’s expectations. I think that’s why my non-romantic non-sexual relationships felt so comfortable to me, bc there wasn’t any of that expectation. I have no freaking idea what romantic attraction really feels like to me. I’ve experienced it I think (??), but for several reasons including outside expectations and general-emotional-processing-issues at those times, I have a hard time knowing any emotions I was feeling at that time in my life. The “butterflies” and “spacey eyed” and “gooey lovey” feelings I felt could’ve been romantic, sure. But they could’ve also been someone who was heavily emotionally repressed all their life just being happy to have someone that they loved who loved them back and getting excited over how cute they were and enjoying their rambles and just generally being happy with someone and also liking some physical contact like hugs and cuddles bc physical touch is their love language with everyone and they like hugs with everyone they care about, and it wasn’t necessarily romantic…..

I get a similar feeling to “butterflies” when I’m nervous about something or excited to see someone in my family I haven’t seen for a while bc I love them and am excited and happy. Not necessarily a “romantic indicator”. I get “spacey eyed” all the time, and usually it’s bc I’m obsessing over my latest fanfic idea. Again, not a “romantic indicator”. I get “gooey lovey” feelings when I see an adorable animal, when someone in my family or close friend group does something really sweet for me or I’m really happy to see them or I get a hug from anyone I love. Once again, not a “romantic indicator”.

Because of all this, I have settled on alterous as my general term for the type of attraction I have with people I have or wanted to date. Alterous to me means this: “I want to be with you and talk with you and do everything with you, I just don’t care how it looks for us or how we categorize ourselves.” I would also attach romance-inclined or sex-inclined as a prefix type thing when applicable. Fourth relationship that never actually happened? Sex and romance-inclined alterous. Fourth actual relationship? Romance-inclined alterous. This doesn’t actually mean that I will feel romantic or sexual attraction or interest or desire with someone, but I may be inclined to want aspects of that type of relationship and I might have those actual feelings from time to time.

The partner that I have now, seventh relationship for those counting lol. This relationship feels stronger and better than any that I’ve had in the past. There’s no pressure or expectation about sex, and she knows that I’m on the aro spectrum, so there’s no romantic pressure either. At the same time, I love the romantic type aspects we have, but I can’t with any certainty say that my feelings are romantic, or at least not romantic all the time. But I feel about her differently than I have about anyone else. There’s several possible reasons, but one main thing I think is that I’m now in a healthier place emotionally so I can better feel and process all my emotions, including my feelings towards her.

Anyways, at this point I would say I’m aroace spec. Demi-altrose (alterous, romantic, sexual).

#smol bean thoughts #smol bean rambles #aspec #aroace #aromantic #asexual #alterous attraction #demisexual #demi ace #demiromantic #demi aro #demi rose #demi alterous #demi altrose

[dove-da-birb]

The Arcana OC & You Get to Vote for What Love Interest They End Up With (and self-insert, cringe is dead let me be happy)

Link to picrew~

Before the plague

After the plague

Name; Dove (they're just me, but like +10 years)

Occupation; Magician, fortune teller, apothecary (present), plague doctor (past)

Favourite Meal; Pumpkin bread

Favourite Drink; Strawberry and maple water

Favourite Flower; Goldenrod

Birthday; June 30th

Age; 32 (because everyone in this game is between like their late twenties to late thirties/early forties, so this is a compromise)

Zodiac Sign; Cancer

MBTI; ENFJ (pre-plague) INFP (post-plague)

Gender; Non-binary (they/them)

Sexuality; AroAce (pre-plague), questioning and confused (post-plague)

Height; 166 cm (5'5")

Eye Colour; Grey (picrew didn't have it so I went with blue)

Hair Colour; Brown

~~~~~~

Current personality; aloof yet polite when getting to know people, introverted and gets drained quite quickly when in public, quiet and doesn't speak much unless prompted to do so. When you get to know them better they are more warm, but still quiet. Will scold people for pushing themselves too hard, but only does so because they care. Once they are extremely comfortable with someone, the old them shines through; loud, a chatterbox, goofy, warm, and full of life and love. To others this is endearing, but to Asra? He loves seeing it but it is also a reminder of the person he lost.

Appearance; of average height, but their build is quite stocky with both body fat and muscle. Their eyes are dark grey, but appear dark blue at a distance, they are also near-sighted (eyesight worsened post-plague). Their hair is brown, curly, and when down it reaches their collarbone (both pre and post-plague). It is less textured than it was pre-plague, and they also wear it in a bun at the nape of their neck. They have an assortment of beauty marks on their face, as well as a scar on their lip that they got in their childhood (had the same mishap when they came back, hence why they still have it). They typically wear a short-sleeved white button up, brown trousers, dark brown sandals, and a black apron. They wear a purple crystal necklace and it acts as a ward to keep memories from flooding back, as well to ward off spirits of the plague.

Other Info/Background

After being brought back, Asra tried his best to reteach them what he knew about them. He knew about the non-binary aspect of their identity, but not the aroace aspect. They were quiet about this part of their identity in the past, and now they are navigating trying to differentiate romantic and platonic feelings all over again. (would be open to a queer-platonic relationship or several)

Grew up on the coast of the Strait of Seals, close the the Southern Spines (tundra/saiga).

Eldest of three, and left home to bring in more income for their community. They don't do well in the heat, but they do not miss the winters of their homeland, or what they can remember of it; they sometimes get a flashback when they smell certain smells, or a cold breeze.

Crochets and knits items for the children who live at the docks, and that's how they met Asra and Muriel; they were teens when they met, but they still gifted both Asra and Muriel blankets so they could keep warm during the night. They had to relearn this skill after being brought back, and can't crochet or knit with as much skill as they once had.

Their familiar is a Danish landrace goose named Gunnr, she makes a great guard goose and chases off anybody that she decides that she doesn't like. "Why is your goose named Gunnr?" "It means war, and she seems to like to declare it. Isn't that right baby?" "HONK!"

Might add more info to this later, but here, pick a LI for them to be in a QPR;

And if there is a tie, polyam qpr cuz I got two hands.

Finally was inspired to revisit my self-insert thanks to @azulashengrottospiano

#dove's ocs #but they are quite literally just me #going to put you in my pinned comment #decide arcana!dove's fate with an LI #do you want a nice relationship or a relationship that starts off rocky? well I'm leaving it up to you guys #thanks auburn for giving me inspo to revisit this self-insert

[spro-o]

Heey i have question that has been on my mind for some time now, this question is more what I heard not really my own opinion. But anyways is lancelot x tristan/ban x meliodas even good ship? I seen some many talk about how theos two ships are baf because for Lancelot and Tristan they have no real relationship in canon or what so ever. Coming to ban x meliodas they more like best friends. Is that true?🤔 I very cousfed if it rignt to ship or not.

hello!! okay im gonna ramble a bit cuz i love yapping about this kinda stuff and dont wanna clog up any feeds, so ill add a 'read further' here :3

i feel like its not very surprising that i do think both ships are good (especially melban). i think that for both of them- yes, they can definitely be read as just being friendships and nothing more than that, but i guess the charm of shipping and headcanons is that you can add in your own interpretations and additions which you think feel right :3

a lot of the interactions between mel and ban, for example, i read as being pretty homoerotic/gay. thats mostly because, as a gay/queer guy myself, i find myself relating a lot to the stuff they do together when comparing it to me and my bf, and also because they are my favourite characters and headcanoning them as being the same sexuality (and gender) that i am is like a little golden sticker saying "fav character" (godbless projection onto your blorbos).

in general, i think its pretty common consensus, at least in my circles, that ships dont have to stick 100% to what the canon says/shows, and you can always add in your own ideas or headcanons to create a relationship either between your favourite characters, or one which you think would be interesting to see, or just one which you think would provide a fun/interesting addition to the story. and in my case, its all of those - i really just adore the dynamic meliodas and ban have, and in addition to my gay reading of a lot of their interactions with one another, it just feels right and fun to ship them (this applies to lancetris as well, but to a slightly lesser extent/not exactly the same)

so yeah, thats my stance on it!! i really like lancetris and adore melban, and i think (considering how much reconning has happened on the fandom's part towards nakaba's,,,, decisions,,,,) it doesnt do harm to read certain friendships as having romantic or sexual under- or overtones

i also feel like i should mention that i only really ship lancetris and melban in separate circumstances, if that makes sense - like, i ship melban a lot harder than lancetris, so whenever i do make any ship art of them (lancetris), i think of meliodas' and ban's relationship like more of a qpr than a fully romantic one, just cuz i feel like it makes it better??? more likely??? less weird?? idk if im making much sense here, but yeah, so thats sm (i guess i also just wanted to state that to clear anything up, cuz i do know how having ship art of both lancetris and melban could come off as kinda weird to some, but idk, maybe im overthinking it (￣▽￣)")

#thanks for the ask!! #ask #nnt #4kota #melban #lancetris #yapping #not art

[a-confused-teen-venting]

Hi, fellow aroace here in regards to your last post

I myself am sex-repulsed, but there are members of the ace community who engage in sex/masturbate/etc. while still identifying as asexual.

I don't have much experience with hypersexuality (what I've gleamed is that it's compulsive) but I don't think it disqualifies you. In my eyes being aro or ace is about not feeling that attraction, but also about not wanting sex/romance to be a requirement in your relationships. There are aces who have sex and aros who do romantic gestures even if they don't get anything from it bc their partner likes it or just because they don't mind it. The issue arises when they are told they have to feel that kind of love.

When I was figuring out being aro, the questions that got me to consider it was "do you feel that attraction? do you enjoy these kinds of gestures? do you want them in my life, consistently?". And even answering all of those negatively, it took me a while to actually settle on aromantic bc I was afraid of not feeling love. Nowadays tho I'm aro and very happy about it. And if it changes, so be it!

In the end I leave you with what my dear friends told me when I was questioning about both being ace and (especially) being aro - try the label out, see if it makes you happy, and either keep it or discard it. Either way you'd have learned something abt yourself.

Labels are allowed to change, and you're allowed to be wrong while you figure it out for yourself. They're descriptive words. In the end their purpose is for you to define and describe your feelings, right? And other people shouldn't police you about whether you're a "true asexual". Community isn't build to be exclusive.

Sorry for the lengthy post, and I hope you figure it all out.

thank you so much for your message!

i am aware of asexuals and aromantics that engage in things they don’t particularly require to be satisfied in a relationship for the sake of their partner, which is a totally valid thing to do.

however, at times i do find myself in that train of thought when trying to figure out my identity: will i have a partner? if so will it be a normal relationship? how about a qpr? would we have mini dates that would be strictly platonic? would we do physical things?

at times i cant really answer questions like these because of uncertainty, lack of experience and confusing emotions. in addition, mentally i think i have to fit a certain criteria to be considered a “true asexual” or a “true aromantic” to but i guess i should be more focused on me and my own experience.

like how i responded to someone before, i want to be open to trying the label and figuring out how i feel about it. and like you said, i could either discard it or keep it onces i figure it out. which is much better than how i have been doing for years which was putting it off to the point i have uncertainty on my sexuality.

again, thank you for sharing your experience. reading your message was very comforting in a way, and I apologize for the late response.

#aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #aromanticism #aspec #ace

[caseylicious]

Qpr (queer platonic relationship) with the boys but it's with a energetic fun loving s/o. I mostly just want fluff and more qpr content :]

Platonic Love.

Summary: How do the brothers (separate) and the reader interact in a queer platonic relationship?

Characters: Leo, Raph, Mikey, and Donnie.

Reader: GENDER NEUTRAL (not specified)

Relationship: PLATONIC

Warnings: None! Some fluff.

A/N: It's quite refreshing that somebody would like to see some platonic relationships with the brothers! Thank you my dear. I LOVE queer platonic relationships. They're just so nice and friendly honestly. Mind it being shorter than my other pieces.

As always! Please, Enjoy 💐

[ If you have any constructive criticism or corrections for any of my English do let me know! :) ]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

"Queer Platonic Relationship" : Queerplatonic relationships and queerplatonic partnerships are committed intimate relationships which are neither romantic nor sexual in nature. They may differ from close friendship by having more explicit commitment, validation, status, structure, and norms, similar to a conventional romantic relationship.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

💙 Leo

You two had a bond like no other, literally.

you both had the most goofiest inside jokes that nobody could understand, except the two of you.

He wasn't interested in dating you, and you weren't interested in dating him. Hence, you both became bestfriends.

He loved you as his buddy and bestfriend and you did as well.

The trust that you had for one another, could argue with the trust I have for Tumblr saving my drafts. was unbelievable. You could just tell him anything like drama, gossip, funny jokes...

And important information. He'd keep a secret for you no matter how bad it is, with advice.

Whenever people asked if you and Leo were dating, you'd laugh. Not to be mean, but it was just a funny thought!

"I'm sorry- did you ask if we're dating?" Leo spitted out the water he was drinking, just to wheeze loudly. "L- LORD... WHAT?" You couldn't help but giggle, rejecting the claim. "We're friends buddy."

Leo gasped insulted, "JUST friends? I thought we were BEST friends!" You rolled your eyes nudging him. "I meant that dumbass-"

You both were together by the hip. Telling each other the most stupidest things that Donnie has ever heard. You were Leo's best friend and nothing was going to change that.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

❤️ Raph

His hugs are literally the best, congratulations you're in love with this big turtle platonically.

He is a man of GREAT advice... sometimes. You and his brothers know that best.

He is your Number #1 Hype man to almost everything. And I mean EVERYTHING.

You trying to find a relationship? He'd hype you up to ask out the guy/gal! Trying to get the new job? He'd make you practice on how to look presentable with a good pep talk.

Whenever you just have a bad day he'd let you watch shows with him on the projector. As you vent and complain about people that he has heard of multiple times.

"And- Raph. You don't understand, he has the audacity to just tell me, NO! Like are you serious??" He nods listening to your day, while paying attention to the show. As you were about to continue, you glanced to your red friend. Who.. was eating popcorn to Jupiter Jim. "Oh my god you aren't listening..."

"Huh-? What! I am listening Y/N.. I don't know what you're talking about-" He sweats scratching the back of his neck. "It's okay to say you weren't listening to some of it- I won't get mad y'know."

"Yeah I wasn't listening."

"Knew it."

He would still need some reminders that you both are friends, though- He just overthinks a bit sometimes. That you'd leave him all alone.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

🧡 Mikey

Being in a platonic relationship with Mikey would be so much fun. Imagine all the nights you'd both stay late to argue on which franchise was better.

He'd show you his drawings of his brothers, and you'd show him your drawings of you and him. The days spent with you drawing with him ranting on about your favorite shows.

Mikey would share his favorite music with you, and you'd do the same! You both just got along so well; nothing could honestly tear you two apart.

He'd give you advice whenever you were going a tough moment, and listen to you complain.

And he'd agree with you because of how right you were.

the DRAMA you'd gossip about with him, especially in the Battle Nexus? My goodness.

"Do you think they're having an affair...?" He whispered as you both stood in the crowds within the Hidden City. You chuckled nodding, "Totally! with.. that weird blue scorpion looking thing." The both of you began to giggle covering your mouths. "Nooo wayyy..." "SHHSHSHSHHHH!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

💜 Donnie

Donnie wasn't looking for a partner, but a friend. And you filled that role perfectly. You chose to understand that he didn't see the need for a relationship in his life.

He appreciated you as a person. Especially when he explained how he didn't understand emotions easily and may be a bit hard to work with.

You'd go to him for advice on your work, and he'd scold you. Not to make you mad, but to remind you of your future.

Whenever you came inside of his lab, you were immediately his lab assistant. And you honestly didn't mind!

Though you were a bit silly, you still tried to understand.

"So, Y/N. I need the screwdriver..." He had his hand open.. with no screwdriver. "Uhm. Y/N-? Dear god what are you doing?" You were trying to balance all of the instruments needed for his experiment.

"I'm being a genius Donnie.." He stared at your creation of boredom. "..Uh huh."

#morilicious #rottmnt #rottmnt 2018 #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt leo x reader #rottmnt raph x reader #rottmnt mikey x reader #rottmnt donnie x reader #rise leo #rise raph #rise mikey #rise donnie #rise leonardo #rise raphael #rise michelangelo #rise donatello

[pigidin]

I've been a big fan of Snape-Harry interactions recently, but there's one thing I can't figure out.

I have a soft spot for their platonic interactions but here lies one problem. As far I know, a term severitus is commonly used (and was basically made) for father-son-like relationships between the two, which also involves mentorship. But I've seen bunch of people using severitus when talking about platonic as well AND referring to platonic interactions as synonym to mentorship. And this kinda left me confused, coz those two terms, well, are kinda different and you simply can't put equal sign between those.

Some even say severitus was made as a name for platonic version of their interactions, but they usually still mean mentorship by saying this. Due to that I genuinely don't understand what I should call their platonic interactions as plenty other fans use names for romantic relationships, but with the emphasis that it's a platonic version of one. Seems partly fair to me, but saying "platonic snarry" can be a bit strange.

Moreover, AO3 eg uses & to differentiate platonic relationships, but referring to it as snarry can be confusing.. so...

I really don't know which one is better as severitus isn't really about friendships (or at least it's not commonly used in senses different than mentor-ish) and snarry in its nature is specifically a thing for non-platonic stuff. Like.. I'd be very grateful if someone brought some light to this, as.. it confuses me a lot.

Much bigger problem tho.. is when talking about queerplatonic kind of relationship. Coz this way it becomes much more obvious, that it lays neither in romantic snarry nor mentor or perhaps sometimes platonic severitus. It's basically neither. Btw, in this situation I don't even know whether to use / or &. Neither fit.

There is practically one single qpr story between them and it's tagged as slash but even tho I agree that it fits much better than gen for instance, it's still not entirely right, as.. well ships usually mean romantic/sexual stuff going on, and qpr defies those on its nature.

I actually ship Snape and Harry exclusively in qpr, but calling it snarry seems off a bit. So yeah. I know that people were suggesting using ~ for qprs, but it's not a very common move. So.. any thoughts on that?

#rambling a bit #severitus #sevitus #platonic severitus #severus snape #harry potter #snarry #platonic snarry #idk really #queerplatonic #queerplatonic snarry #platonic ship #qpr #asking fandom for some help coz I srs dunno what to do #plz? #I'd be really grateful if someone explained it to me #these terms seem way too unclear #or im j dumb lol

[qprsmackdown]

Jesus and Mary Magdalene (from the Christian Bible) Propaganda

I went to catholic school and agree with this there's emphasis on mary being the only one to understand jesus, even better than his closest disciples (peter, judas) and there's an bond between them that's beyond friendship but they're not romantic

A friiend told me to submit this. They never canonically have a relationship and they were like besties supreme? Mary understood Jesus the best i don't know.

thought it was a funny submission then i read wikipedia and one historian was like "we do not know jesus' sexuality" and another was like "mary and jesus were not involved that's all blown out of proportion etc" and scorcese has a movie where jesus meets satan and satan shows him a wedding i don't know but one historian looking at the gospel of philip where mary and jesus kiss said "it wasn't seen as romantic at the time" and i trust that

I want a Christian Bible Standoff Final. This one is for the girls.

my friend keeps asking me to submit it i know fuck all about the bible. girlboss gaslight gatekeep let's fucking go mejus or jary or whatever. i want to see my submission of legolas, gimli, and aragorn get decimated by the bible

friend told me to vote this so parrotduo can beat them in the poll.

Literally didn't know this was an idea but I saw the post and it makes sense. Queer Man and Sex Worker ARE in a QPR. That makes sense. Thank you whoever submitted it originally

and. The Essay

#propaganda #jesus and mary mags propaganda #mod cycad