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lovelettersfromluna · 5 months

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Hanahaki

summary: Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 (Japanese); 하나하키병 (Korean); 花吐病 (Chinese)) is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love.

an: trying something new with this one, I hope you all like it. Love you mwah mwah (thank you to the anon who inspired this!!)

Warnings: MDNI!, 18+, eventual smut in future chapters, ANGST (when I mean angst, I mean angst girl), loser!Ellie if you squint, reader is oblivious, mentions of fictional illness/disease, mentions of alternative love interest, alcohol usage, marijuana usage, mentions of death, mentions of vomiting (it isn’t graphic I promise it’s literally just flowers), let me know if I missed anything!

You can read part 2 here!!

The sound of different voices and loud giggles replaced the music that was once filling up the old jeep with music, the two sounds dominating each other, creating something that could only be recognized as a group of young, dumb people. The car was dark, and Ellie couldn’t really see anything, not when you were settled on her lap, blocking her view from the outside through the car windows.

She wasn’t complaining, of course she wasn’t. Her hands were wrapped around your waist, keeping you close to her, squished between two other people in your friend group in the back of the car. She was drunk, and high, and she could faintly smell the ocean with each passing moment, the sea breeze growing closer and filling up the stuffy car.

The wind filling up the car blew your soft hair into Ellie’s face, giving her a whiff of your floral shampoo. She couldn’t help but lean in, giving your hips a gentle squeeze as she pressed her nose to your neck, relishing in the feeling of your soft skin against her lips.

You were always her favorite feeling.

She couldn’t even feel it entirely, but the car has stopped. The only reason she knew, was because she felt the spaces next to her become vacant, her friends laughing loudly as they tumbled out of the car and booked it for the beach, sand kicking behind them, nearly falling over their own feet.

She felt you shift in her lap, a soft smile on your lips, pretty eyes just as hazy as her own.

“You comin’ El?” You asked softly, your words like honey on your tongue, music to Ellie’s ears.

She was in a trance, not having seen your pretty face since you and your friends had left the party you were at, all of you packing yourselves away in a jeep and heading to the beach. Every time you looked at her, giving her that soft smile, and those kind eyes, it was like it was the first time she was seeing you all over again.

And you never failed to leave her speechless, even on the simplest occasions.

A loud bang on the roof of the car made her jump slightly, earning a giggle from you.

“C’mon love birds! Or else I’ll drag you out myself” Ellie could decipher the voice to be a friend of both you and her who was the one who’d driven you all out to the beach in the first place.

You giggled softly, scooting off her lap, taking her wrist in your hand and tugging her out of the car. Ellie could barely feel her feet carrying her behind you, watching as you dragged her out to the beach.

The moon was so bright, illuminating the white sand, and the dark, calm waters. Ellie remembers hearing the waves crashing against each other, and the sounds of your friends arguing, giggling with each other as they tried setting up a bonfire, which she hoped wouldn’t get you guys in trouble. She remembers the feeling of your soft hands wrapped around her wrist, she image of you in front of her in nothing but a pair of old denim shorts and a faded out band t shirt that was probably hers.

She recalls the way you tugged her away from everyone else, it was always like that. Somehow, no matter the situation or the occasion, you and Ellie ended up strayed away from everyone else. At parties, sleepovers, any general outing, it was you and her, and no one else. It was like everyone simply knew to leave you two, that your disappearance with one another was inevitable. You were the ring leader, always grabbing Ellie and pulling her away from everyone, wanting her all to yourself.

It made Ellie’s heart swell every single time.

Your small hands would interlock with hers, and she’d know that she was done for. She was yours entirely, whether you knew it or not.

The sand was cold beneath Ellie’s body, her hands sinking further into the powdery substance, deep inhales coming in through her nostrils, the spinning she once felt in the world around her slowly stopped. Her eyes were on the ground, and yours were up at the sky as you sat next to her.

“Do you think there’s anyone out there doing the exact same thing as us right now?” You hummed out softly, palms settled behind you on the sand as you stared up at the stars.

Ellie raised her eyebrows at your question, a soft chuckle leaving her as she moved her green eyes up to stare at the stars with you, mimicking your position.

“Probably…none are like us though” she sighed out softly.

She’d never say anything like that sober. You were always the bold one between you and her. Ellie was shy, and quiet and she’d always blush like an idiot whenever you’d say things like that, or compliment her, or when you’d do anything, really. But it was true, no one, no matter how similar their situation was to you and her, would never come close to what you and Ellie had.

What you and Ellie had was special, it was like buried treasure. It was something that was hard to find, and it was a connection like no other that had ever existed, or ever would exist, and you and her both knew that.

You were Ellie’s treasure.

You giggled softly, nodding at her words. “I agree…none like us…” you agree, eyes still trained on the blanket of stars above.

Ellie felt your hands wrap around her arm, and tug her down to lay back on the sand. She didn’t make any attempt to stop you, allowing you to do with her as you pleased.

You were both laid down, staring up at the stars in silence, simply enjoying each others company with one another. There were no thoughts, no worries, no overthinking, it was just you and her.

And Ellie loved that most about being with you.

Ellie could hear your breathing slowly evening out, the sound of sleep overcoming was familiar to her in you. You’d always been the one to fall asleep first, Ellie took note of that very early on in your friendship, remembering the many sleepovers you’d have where you’d fallen asleep in record time, making Ellie envious of you.

A soft, sleepy hum left your lips, and she could feel you scoot closer to her, tucking your body into the side of hers, your hand going down and interlocking your fingers with hers, pressing your cheek against your shoulder before you looked up at her.

Ellie felt like she’d break when you looked up at her, eyes big and glossy, lashes webbed together. You’d always had the pettiest eyes she’d ever seen, making her heart stop every single time you looked up at her.

“El…” you whispered softly, barely loud enough for her to hear.

She swallows thickly, nervous to keep eye contact with you, or to even speak, fearing that her voice should deceive her and crack, letting you know just how much of a hold you had on her.

She took a deep inhale before giving you a nod. “Yeah?” She replied softly, her voice shaky.

You simply gave her a soft smile, one of your hands coming up and gently tracing over her features. You traced over the outline of her lips, her nose, her eyebrows, her freckles. Ellie sighed softly as you did so, eyes fluttering shut as she leaned into your touch.

A moment passed of this, of you gently touching her face, Ellie close to passing out at any moment from the soft, feather-like touches.

“M’gonna marry you someday….know I will…” you hummed out, your voice dripping with that dreamy, sleepy sound that made it clear how far away you were.

Ellie’s eyes opened at this, her breath hitching in her throat at your confession, your promise. She felt her freckled cheeks burn when she looked down at your sleepy face, a lazy smile on your lips as your eyes grew heavier and heavier with each passing moment.

You had a habit of saying anything that had been plaguing your mind whenever you were tired, in between that blissful state of sleep and wake. It got even worse when you were high, Ellie knew that. You’d admitted the most outrageous things when you were like that.

But never anything like this.

She didn’t even have time to respond, because your eyes were already closed, lips parted as soft snores escaped.

She inhaled deeply, turning her head back to stare up at the sky, trying her best to ignore the burning feeling in her stomach, in her chest, in her heart. It was everywhere, eating her up and demanding to be acknowledged.

You, her best friend that she’d been in love with almost her entire life, had promised to marry her someday.

It was something Ellie knew would follow her for the rest of her life, for as long as she lived. She didn’t know whether to hate you for it, or to love you for it.

Ellie had know about her feelings for you for a very long time.

She’d go as far as to say it was something along the lines of love at first sight, but she didn’t want to be dramatic.

It was a classic story of playground love, the two of you meeting at a very young age, practically babies, and becoming inseparable from that point on.

Maybe it was the way you had no problems with tugging on the little girls pigtail that kept bullying her. Looking back at it, the kid probably had a crush on her in all honesty, but you had a zero bullshit tolerance policy, even at the age of six years old.

Or maybe it was the way she didn’t hesitate to punch the kid in the nose that pushed you off the swing during recess. It seemed she too had a zero bullshit tolerance policy.

It was always like that. You protected each other, you from idiot boys that picked on you, and her from dumb little girls who were still navigating their feelings, and in that came the bully’s that they grew to be.

So yeah, you and Ellie were stuck to the hip from the moment she could remember. In all of her earliest memories, you were there, a big smile on your face, always rooting for her.

Ellie was a shy kid. Sure, she had a mouth to tell off an idiot whenever she needed to, but she liked being alone. The only person she really liked spending time with was her dad, and what’s wrong with that? Her dad was fucking cool.

You were the complete opposite. You were bright, and loud and confident. You brought colors to Ellie’s life. You talked, and she listened.

And Ellie didn’t want it any other way.

It was like this all throughout school, and into college. You two followed the same education path of course, refusing to be without one another during the cruelest times of a persons life, the disgusting transfer from the life of a child to the life of an adult.

She figured if she was going to be miserable, she’d be miserable with you by her side.

It was like a dream, having you so often? She has the privilege of keeping you by her side all throughout her childhood, and now she had you by her side through her adulthood.

Ellie wanted you all to to herself. She was selfish, she knew that, but how could she help herself? You’d been hers for so long, there was no chance she’d give you up now.

Ellie recalls a rainy night in her car. It was cold, and it was so miserable out that she had no choice but to wait it out a bit before taking you home.

It was a routine night for you two. She didn’t have class that day, so she’d pick you up from your last one, and you’d sleep over at her apartment for the night since it was the weekend.

She looked over at you, soft hums to the quiet music playing in her car coming from your body, your head resting against the window as you drew little patterns with the condensation that had grown on the window.

“What’s on your mind, babe?” Ellie questioned softly.

You weren’t usually that quiet. You always had so much to tell Ellie when she picked you up, or any case for that matter. You were a little fireball, always beaming with something knew you’d learned that day, the grade you got from your professor, or the latest class gossip that you just had to share with Ellie.

But not that day. You were too quiet, made Ellie feel strange.

You hummed softly in response, turning towards her with raised eyebrows. The hoodie you had on framed your face cutely, a few strands of your hair poking out and laying against it. Your eyeliner had bled out a bit throughout the day, Ellie thought you looked pretty either way, though. Your head was resting against the seat, a soft smile on your face as you shook your head.

“Nothin…I just…” you tried, finding it hard to explain yourself.

You let out a gentle huff before turning your body towards Ellie a bit more. The car was dark, the only thing illuminating your face was the street light in the parking lot that you two were in. She could see that your features were soft, tranquil. You looked so genuinely happy, and that expression alone made Ellie’s heart burst with a warmth that consumed her so much, it was almost too much.

“I’ve met someone, El” you admitted, your bottom lip tugged between your teeth as you bit back and excited smile, eyes twinkling in the dim light of her car, glimmering with a kind of happiness that Ellie had never seen before in you.

She felt her chest heave, pain suddenly blooming throughout her body.

It’s something she’s never felt before. It’s ugly, and nasty, and raw. It feels like when you have a cold, and your lungs are in a constant state of disgust, that gross sore feeling spreading throughout them. She feels exasperated, like you’ve just broken the worst news she could’ve ever received on a rainy Friday night.

You frown softly, a gentle pout on your lips as you reach over, grabbing her arm gently and giving her a shake.

“Ellie? Did you hear what I said?” You ask softly, trying to break your friend away from whatever has a hold on her.

But she’s frozen, and she can feel her eyes burning from a lack of blinking, and from the tears that are prickling at the back of her throat. She could feel the way you grabbed her, shaking her gently, it almost isn’t enough to bring her back from her own personal state of hell that your words have sent her to, a place where you’re gone, taken away by someone else.

Someone that isn’t her.

It does anyways. She blinks her eyes a few times, clearing her throat as her eyes focused on you. She gives you a nod, green eyes big and wide like she’s seen a ghost.

You giggled softly, moving back to rest your head against the seat as you stared at her.

“Been meaning to tell you…she’s…she’s so great, Ellie…she makes me feel…” you let out a dreamy sigh, your eyes drifting down to look at your hand, which is toying with the bracelet around your wrist, a shy smile on your face as you practically beamed down at it.

Ellie’s eyes silently follow, catching eye of the way your sweater pushed up a bit to reveal the little pink rope that’s around your wrist. She’d never seen it, and it’s perched right under the bracelet that Ellie had made you when you two were kids. Hers is blue and purple, and far prettier in her opinion.

Her heart hurts at the sight of someone else’s bracelet on your pretty wrist.

She stared down at it for a while before her eyes drift up to your face. She could see the warmth spread across your face, radiating from your chest, from your fucking soul. It’s like the you’re smiling down at the fucking bracelet is making you so warm, that it’s warming up the car and wafting Ellie in the face.

It’s love. Ellie can see it.

And you deserve it. God, you’ve always fucking deserved it. You deserve a great big house, someone who loves you dearly coming home to you every night, showering you in all of the love and affection that you have ever wanted and needed. You deserve someone who shows you off, someone who’s proud of everything you do, even the small, stupid things that don’t fucking matter. You deserve someone who cherish you every day as if you’re a fucking gem, a one of a kind gem that only appears once every thousand years.

But fuck…Ellie always wished that person would’ve been her.

She knows she can’t dwell on it, because you’re simply doing what any young person looking for love does. You went out and found someone else, you found someone that makes you smile like that, the way you were smiling across from Ellie in her car.

She can’t be selfish, not now.

Ellie inhales deeply before she puts on her best, most believable smile, freckled cheeks rounding out as she gave you a nod.

“She sounds great…you’ve gotta introduce us someday” she sighed out softly, putting on her best cover up to hide the disappointment she felt deep within her soul.

It’s the way your face beamed even further when you looked up at her, eyes twinkling like the brightest star, the most expensive diamond in the fucking world, that makes Ellie weak in the goddam knees. It’s like all you’ve wanted was her approval, like the main thing holding you back from telling her about the lucky girl that has her heart, is fear that she wouldn’t approve of her.

And that look, further cemented Ellie’s decision in swallowing down her stupid feelings, and ignoring the hammering pain in her lungs.

“Yeah…yeah I will” you promised, giving her a nod, that big, beautiful smile still on your lips.

Ellie can barely bring herself to indulge in the pain she feels, because you looked so fucking happy, and that’s all she’d ever wanted, was for you to be fucking happy.

She smiled back at you, giving a nod before she craned her neck down a bit, looking up at the sky and seeing that the rain had gone from a heavy pour, to a subtle drizzle.

Ellie gave soft hum, nodding to herself as she turned the key to her car to turn it on.

“Looks like it’s let up a bit…let’s get you home-“ her words were cut off but a nasty cough ratting through her lungs, worse than any cold or any blunt had every brought to her. She brought her fist up to her lips, covering it up. It brought tears to her eyes, made her cheeks red. You frowned deeply at the sight, bringing your hand up to rub her back gently.

“Shit…you catching a cold, El?” You questioned softly, concern laced in your words.

Ellie cleared her throat, shaking her head as she straightened her back out.

“Nah…all the smoking I’ve done is probably catching up to me” she joked with a soft chuckle before she looked at you, giving you a soft smile.

“Let’s get you home” she hummed out softly before she pulled out of the parking lot and began making her way to your apartment, not hers.

At first, Ellie didn’t really think much of it.

She assumed that she was simply coming down with a cold, or her excuse to you was right. Maybe all the blunts she’d smoked had finally caught up with her. Her father had always told her they would.

She had thought of everything. The flu, pneumonia, bronchitis, everything in the goddamn book, but every time she went to her doctor with the concern of any of them, he simply shrugged, gave her a gentle smile and told her she was as healthy as could be.

But the cough never got better.

It was annoying at first, her throat was scratchy, and most days she’d be able to simply clear her throat to alleviate the discomfort. Cough drops would help, a cup of tea her and there, soothing the ache she felt her and there throughout the day.

But then? Came the flowers.

Ellie almost keeled over and died when one day she was having a particularly violent coughing fit, forcing her to stay in from class. When she looked down into the her tissue and she saw a few pieces of…something? Little pieces of something pink and white, a bit withered. she flinched, throwing the napkin on her coffee table.

At first, it looked like she’d coughed up a peace of her fucking lungs. She wasn’t sure who to call, her dad? 911? Fucking poison control? She wasn’t even sure that it was even possible to cough up an entire piece of her body.

After a few moments, she figured she had to further inspect the foreign objects to figure out just what it was that had exited her body. She reached down with shaky hands, her eyebrows furrowed with concern, picked up the tissue and opened it up.

She squinted her eyes a bit as she looked down at the little things, trying to figure out what the fuck could leave a persons body that looks like it. Her eyes went wide when she touched it, realizing what they were.

Flower petals.

Ellie thought she might’ve been hallucinating at first. Maybe she took an edible and forgot or something, or maybe the cough medicine was making her trip balls, because flower petals? There’s no fucking way, right?

Apparently she was wrong. There was a way, and a quick google search was filled with something that Ellie didn’t want to find.

All she had to do that night, was look up her symptoms, and she was finally faced with why her lingering cough had been so lingering, and what had caused it.

Hanahaki disease.

It was an illness that affected those with a broken heart, those who experienced unrequited love, which resulted in a painful cough that brought up a never ending supply of flower petals. It would explain the constant lingering taste of perfume that Ellie had suddenly found was impossible to get out of her mouth, and it would explain the fact that this so called ‘cold’ of hers that she had wouldn’t go away, and only had a cough with no other symptoms.

It made Ellie realize, that the night that all of this started, was the night that you told her you’d found somebody else, and it suddenly made so much sense.

Ellie was coughing up fucking flowers, because you didn’t love her.

After finding out what it was that she was diagnosed with, the second step was to find a cure, which she found to be much harder than finding the disease itself.

Finding a cure only came with various medical articles of people who had suffered from the same disease that she was suffering from. All people experiencing the same pain and heartache that she’d been carrying for so long.

All of which, had died.

Each and every other person who had this disease, had passed away from the disease, ultimately dying from a lack of love from the person they wanted.

This scared Ellie.

However, recent study had shown a new surgery that was available with those who suffered from the disease. One that would remove the flowers from the lungs and stop the cough entirely.

But it would also remove any and all feelings that the person with the disease had for the person they loved.

So, Ellie had two choices. Either she let the disease linger until she fucking died, or she could get the surgery, live, and never have you in her life again, not like before at least.

She had a big decision to make.

That night, Ellie cried. She curled up in a little ball in her bed, her pillow pressed against her face as she muffled out her noises, and she cried. She was in pain, and she was hurting, and she wanted it all to go away.

She wished you’d love her, she wished you would’ve just noticed how much she wanted you, how she was the right one for you all this time. It made her angry, and confused and annoyed, because what did she do to deserve this? To deserve this godforsaken illness that she had never fucking asked for.

And as she cried, and screamed and groaned out for the pain to go away, she heard her phone go off. She grabbed it, a soft sniffle leaving her nose as her tear filled eyes stared up at the bright screen of her phone.

It was you.

Loser!!! I rlly hope you didn’t forget to come and get me

I’m sleeping over tonight remember???

Come and get me soon hehe :p miss u

And although Ellie was in pain, and her heart was hurting. She’d never, ever say no to you.

She could live with the cough for a little bit longer, as long as it meant she got to be with you.

Ellie was only getting worse.

Months had gone by, and before she knew it, it had almost been a year with this goddamn disease that she had.

Her doctor had put her on some medication, which basically suppressed the cough only slightly. She still experienced handfuls of flower petals hacking up her throat every time she coughed. He urged her to get the surgery, telling her that without it, her condition could become life threatening.

But she couldn’t. She needed more time with you.

That’s the deal she had made with herself. She would get the surgery after she’d had enough time with you, allowing herself to make lasting memories with you when soon, she’d feel nothing for you at all.

But it was never enough time.

She wanted you always. Day, night, morning, evening, whatever the time she wanted you.

And things were fine. She had hoped you didn’t notice her health slowly deteriorating, she’d hoped you didn’t notice the bags under her eyes or the way the color had been sucked from her skin. You never questioned it, so she hoped that was all true.

She ignored the girl you’d met. After that night in her car, you and that girl never separated. You tried telling Ellie about it from time to time, and Ellie had even met her a few times. Her name was Jen, and she was the furthest fucking thing from Ellie, which only further solidified how unrequited her love was.

It hurt, because Jen was great. She was so kind, and beautiful, and she clearly treated you the way Ellie knew you needed to be treated. Ellie wished she could’ve hated her, she wished she was a shit girlfriend so that she could talk you out of being with her.

But she couldn’t, because Jen was perfect for you.

Ellie ignored it all, treating the times that she had with you as if it was only you and her in the world. She always had, but now it was different, now it was pretty crucial that she had these moments with you, even if you didn’t know the half of it.

You never pulled away, or became distant due to the new aspect of your life that was your relationship. You made time for everyone in your family, and you made time for Ellie. It was all too perfect, the way you handled it all. You never abandoned her, or made her feel left out.

Your friendship had never changed with Ellie, it stayed the same throughout everything.

But her condition was getting harder and harder to hide. She had to constantly rush to the bathroom when she felt the burning in her lungs, and the smell of flowers fill her nose and her mouth, muffling her coughs with a towel. She had gone from coughing up a few petals to what could only be described as an entire fucking bouquet.

It was hard, having to hide it from you. She knew that if there was anyone that could help her through this, through one of the hardest and most painful times of her life, it was you. You would’ve been there by her side, staying up every night that she was having coughing fits to help her, nursing her back to health. You always had, whenever she was sick, you were there, playing nurse while Ellie groaned and pouted for you. She became so needy when she was ill.

But she couldn’t, not when you were the one that caused this.

She knew you’d drop everything for her, and abandon everyone else for a lost cause, because no matter how much medicine you gave her, no matter how much you held her in her sleep, the disease that plagued Ellie had no cure that you could bring.

Other than loving her back.

Ellie sighed softly as she walked through the door of her apartment, pushing her headphones off of her head and letting them rest on her neck. The weather was finally warming up, and she could only hope that the warmth would treat her cough a bit kinder than the cold did, which she knew deep down was merely wishful thinking.

She meant to text you that week, having not heard from you in a bit, which was very unlike you.

She bent down, picking up the mail that laid on her entrance way mat, sifting through the bills and various envelopes that had her name on it. She was quick to toss them to the side, perfectly fine with waiting until she had the energy to read them all properly.

But she stopped when she saw a pretty, powder pink envelope with your writing on the front, her name written out so perfectly.

Why the hell were you sending her a letter?

A nasty cough rattled through her chest, and she almost laughed because it had gotten to a point where any mention of, even in the confides of her own mind, brought on a coughing fit these days. Even the sight of your writing made the ugly sound rake through her lungs.

Pathetic.

She sighed softly, moving to her couch and tossing her backpack to the side. She sat down, ring clad fingers turning the envelope around to tear it open.

The paper inside is thick, it feels expensive, like those fancy cards you get for birthdays from old people that don’t know any better but to buy their grandkids the best shit.

It has little embroidery’s on the edges, and it’s lined with the smallest strip of silver. It’s all written in cursive, and her eyes scan over it for a moment, eyebrows furrowed at whatever the fuck it was that you had randomly sent her in the mail.

But her heart is stopping, and her eyes are going wide once they finally focus on the bigger words at the top.

It’s a wedding invitation.

It’s your wedding invitation.

In her hands, Ellie was holding yours and Jen’s wedding invitation.

And she suddenly can’t breathe. There’s a burning in her chest, and she’s faced with the most intense coughing fit she’s experienced in her entire fucking life. It doesn’t stop, and it isn’t even giving her a chance to breath. She can feel her lungs shaking at how violent it is, and she suddenly throws the invitation down and she’s rushing to the bathroom, hunching over the toilet where her coughing turns into vomiting.

Her vision is blurred with tears, but she can make out the image of the familiar petals filling up the bowl, rattling through her body and making it hard to breath. She’s choking, and crying, and heaving, and it’s the worst thing she’s felt in her entire life.

She feels like it won’t end, like she’ll die right then and there, but she doesn’t. It stops, and she’s left sobbing as she falls back, her back hitting the bathroom wall, knees coming up as she holds herself, her sobs and cries bouncing off the bathroom walls, loud enough to surly be heard throughout her entire floor.

It’s that night, the night where she received your wedding invitation, that Ellie scheduled the surgery date, because she can’t do this anymore.

She needs to let you go.

#ellie williams #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie tlou #ellie x y/n #ellie the last of us #ellie x you

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youjustwaitsunshine · 2 years

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feels so weird that my internship is over now

#it was a really nice last day #got hugged by my beloved coworkers. listened to the finale of the pen and paper podcast we were listening to.#ate some of the tiny tomatoes we're growing on the adjacent roof.#we ordered from this neat syrian restaurant round the corner #one of my coworkers baked a cake #left some origami creachures behind. including two batmen a donkey a goat two birds two foxes a cat..#ive really enjoyed this last year.#going on castle tours and sharing a room and hanging out wrapped in blankets in our airbnb in the evenings when we were on the castle job #our boss in shining armor saving us from the creep airbnb and the following bonding over ripped movies with my friend #whining about how everything hurts after two weeks in the archive #making fun of old crests and trying to identify the saints on ancient wax seals #listening to romance audiobooks #weeks of being a museum rat #hanging out in the photo studio like the equivalent of the mortician in any crime series/the radiologist in a hospital series #every time we went to restaurants together but especially the korean place in würzburg #made a lot of fond memories this past year <3 #one of the fondest being sitting on that airbnb sofa while drawing and cry laughing at monty python #while my coworker was sitting on the other end writing for her dnd campaign and cry laughing listening to critical role #im gonna miss those people but im not super super sad because theres so few people working in restoration that we'll def cross paths again #anyways on my way home i saw a kid do that 'put your phones speaker in yr mouth and hands to ur ears' thing WHILE WALKING IN PUBLIC #just a child phone in mouth hands covering ears BOY IF YOU FALL THERE WILL BE A PHONE IN YOUR THROAT #ok wow respect if u read through all of this #im very content atm. just like. this job wont pay too well and its difficult work. but i think i was right choosing this path and i belong.

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bbsmuts · 9 months

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Field Trip Ft. BLACKPINK Jennie and Jeon Somi

A/N: This was another pitch by @xiaoondc, the Momo smut was his idea as well. I don’t know how long this will be, I’m just going off of the pitch. Also I was a bit unsure about the ending, I was finishing as quickly as possible. I was trying to finish it before my client’s court hearing tomorrow, so it might not be good, don’t be too rough. I finished my collab smut that I wrote for when I hit 1k followers, just waiting to reach it now. Enjoy!

Also, this contains sexual violence and a humiliation scene, so that might not suit everyone. -상훈

Length: 4.8k

It was about ten in the morning when the plane landed in Kenya. After a not-so-good night of sleep on the plane, Jennie was ready to be off.

It wasn’t as though she wasn’t looking forward to the trip, she had been anticipating that for ages. But she wasn’t used to the heat of Africa or being jetlagged from changing time zones. She would be glad to have some rest in the hotel before the tour started. They would be exploring the Kenyan savanna with the tour guide and passing through the village of an the Kikuyu tribe (real Kenyan tribe, by the way), then making a circle back to Nairobi. Her taxi took her to the hotel, and after giving him his pay she stepped out and cast an eye over the hotel. A large sign out front on the roof read ‘Radisson Blu’, along with another on the west wall. She could tell just looking at it that she had chosen the right one. When she entered and checked in, a bellhop showed her to her room. The lobby was one of the finest she had ever seen, and that way saying a lot. The interior had a white theme with dark colored armchairs. Plants dotted the room here and there, and twinkling lights hung from the ceiling. Even the hallway leading to her room was extravagantly decorated. She took her luggage off the rack and unlocked her room with her keycard. She would have a couple of hours before the tour started, enough to get a good rest in. She quickly undressed and fell into the immense bed, falling asleep within seconds.

…

When she woke, she realized she would need to move quickly, the tour was starting in fifteen minutes. She got up and slipped on her shorts and crop top, not wanting to be stuck in pants or anything warm while she was out in the hot Kenya sun. After a quick snack she headed out to her taxi and headed to the venue for the tour. She arrived shortly after, where a small group of other foreigners (foreigners to Kenya, not Kenyans themselves) were waiting for it to start. The tour guide introduced herself as Ngina Mwangi and shepherded them onto a large, open-windowed bus. Jennie sat down next to a friendly-looking Korean woman and introduced herself. “I’m Somi,” the woman said in response to Jennie. “Jeon Somi. How are you?” “Good.” Replied Jennie. “It’s really hot here, especially compared to Seoul.” “You live in Seoul too?” “Yes! What district?” “I’m in Gangnam-gu, what about you?” “Ah, I’m in Insa-dong. Not that far from Gangnam-gu, though.” The two of them hit it off, getting along well as the only two Koreans there. (Yes, I know Somi isn’t Korean, but give me a break, she moved when she was a year old. Besides, Somi wasn’t my idea.) Ngina pointed out various historical sites and landmarks along the way, and after a while they pulled up to the village boundary of the Kikuyu tribe. All of them disembarked the bus and walked into the village. The tribe leader shook hands with Ngina, saying something in Swahili, and welcomed the group into the village. “I guess these people know Ngina,” Jennie whispered to Somi. “Probably from all the tours,” Somi replied. “I wonder what they do when they get to this village?” “Mmm, I don’t know. Just have a look around, maybe? They’ll lead us around.” However, Jennie’s assumptions were incorrect. The tour guide invited them to look around themselves, as allowed by the tribe leader. Jennie noticed the leader’s gaze following them as they wandered off. “So,” said Somi, once they were away from the village, “Ngina said to meet back at the village in three hours?” “Yes, I expect they’ll want us back before the high heat of the afternoon. Liability issues, you know.” “I guess. She gave us maps to get back, but they’re not easy to read. C’mon, let’s have a look around.” The natives were very friendly, though they had trouble understanding what Jennie and Somi were saying. They got along it fine though, and ate up about an hour talking with the locals. Then they went to explore the surrounding savannah. It was already getting very hot, and Jennie could feel sweat gathering all over her. A group of men were trooping around the village and surrounding areas wielding spears and machetes, and they passed by Jennie and Somi. Jennie saw a few eyes follow her retreating ass as she walked. She thought of what they must be thinking. She and Somi were both hot, and they had good bodies. These men probably didn’t have sex much, so that was definitely on their minds. Despite herself, Jennie felt a pang of lust run through her at the thought. “Did you see how they were looking at us?” Somi asked, a tinge of indignation in her voice. “Can you blame them?” Jennie asked, completely unconcerned. “No offense to the locals, but they’re not exactly supermodels, are they? As for us, we’re probably the only really hot girls for miles. I wouldn’t be any different if I were one of them.” “I know, but…” Somi gave a delicate shudder. “Pervs.” “Hey, give them a break. Like I said, we’re probably the only super hot girls for miles around.” They walked around for a while more, and by the third time the guard passed them by, Jennie started to suspect they were doing it deliberately. She didn’t mind, though. The men wore nothing but a loincloth made of parasol tree leaves, which didn’t leave much to Jennie’s wild imagination. She caught herself daydreaming about lewd things as she and Somi walked the fields together, and intentionally swaying her hips as they went by. She and Somi walked to the edge of a field and looked over a large lake. A large Mugumo tree sat by the bank closest to them, and they went to have a closer look. An altar had been built about five feet from the base of the tree. Jennie had read up on Kenyan rituals and such before she left Seoul, and she knew this altar would be for goat sacrificing rituals. Before long they spotted the guard making its way steadily towards them. Jennie wondered what they were doing. As far as she could see no one else was here, so they had no reason to be over here. “You are not allowed here,” said the leader in a thick accent, advancing towards them. “This is a forbidden area, for priests and spiritual leaders only. Come with us now.” They were led unprotestingly back to the village. But when they got there, they were not taken back to Ngina. The guard split up when they reached the village. Somi was taken the opposite direction, while Jennie was taken to a smaller hut closer to the outskirts. Four members of the guard came in with her. Once the door was closed, they seized her by the arms. “What the fu-” Her indignant exclamation was cut short by a length of linen cloth being tied around her head and in her mouth, cutting back any cries. The tribesmen grabbed ahold of her midriff shirt and tore it off, taking her bra with it. They yanked her shorts and panties to her ankles and took them off as well, leaving her naked on the floor. They bound her hands together behind her back and her feet together, rendering her incapable of movement. She tried to scream for help but the gag muffled all noise from her, and they left her alone. …

It must have been ten minutes she sat there, naked and bound on the packed clay of the floor, wondering what came next. Would she be raped, tortured, killed? Her questions were answered as five tribesmen from the guard entered and removed their loincloths. Her breathing quickened as she saw five huge, erect cocks pointing back at her, and knew that she was about to experience her first BBC gangbang. Despite her misgivings, a burgeon of excitement shot through her, and she felt a bit of slick leak out of her. She didn’t resist as they approached her and made her kneel. One of them slashed through the binds on her ankles and got under her, spreading her legs wide. She moaned against her gag as he entered her and started thrusting his hips. Two more advanced and knelt. One of them pushed his cock into her ass and the other went to her face, removed her gag, and drove his shaft roughly down her throat. She moaned luxuriously into it. She had never been airtight like this, she had never felt so pleasured in her life, and most of all, she had never been gangbanged by hung tribesmen on a clay floored hut in a rural tribe village in the middle of Kenya. Their cocks reached points deep inside her she didn’t know existed, the sheer size driving her mad with lust and unobstructed pleasure. “Jamani, inajisikia vizuri sana,” groaned the man under her as he fucked her pussy. Vaguely she wondered whether Somi was receiving the same treatment. But the thought was pushed from her head by the pure bliss she was feeling and the orgasm building inside her. No sooner had she realized this sensation than the man fucking her ass gave a loud groan and stopped thrusting, burying himself in her tight hole and spurting his load into her. The flood of warmth from this triggered Jennie’s own orgasm, which caused a chain reaction. Jennie let out a cry of intense pleasure and squirted hard onto the man under her, causing him to also cum. The second torrent of cum shot into her caused another orgasm from her. The pleasurable vibrations from her second squeal of bliss caused the man fucking her throat to cum as well. He released a roar and shoved his cock as far as he could in her throat, erupting in her and firing his cum down her throat. She gagged and choked on both his cock and the cum, overwhelmed with the simultaneous orgasms. His dick slid out of her throat as she slumped onto the man below her. But what came next took Jennie by surprise. The three of them got up, replaced the gag around her head, and took her by the arms. Two of them opened the door after putting back on their loincloths, and Jennie was dragged right into the middle of the street and dumped in full view of the entire village. Despite her pleasure at being gangbanged, she felt her cheeks grow red and hot with humiliation. Here she was, naked and tied up in the middle of the street, a small crowd already gathering around her, pushing and clamoring to get a good look at her. She tried to shift her legs so as to hide her pussy from the stares of the crowd, but to no avail. Before anything else could happen, however, she was grabbed and pulled to her feet by the three guards. They led her to a tall baobab tree with branches extending horizontally over her head. Her eyes found another, familiar figure, whose hands were tied to a branch far above her head and recognized it as Somi, who had also been stripped naked. Though Jennie was in a rather perilous situation, she couldn’t help admiring Somi’s graceful, slim, curvy figure, from her chest to her hips to the round of her ass. She shot Jennie a fearful look as Jennie’s hands were seized. Another roped was tied around them and thrown up over another branch by someone she could not see. The rope was secured on the branch. Jennie squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block out the jeers of the crowd. She had never been overly modest, but standing there completely naked before the large crowd of locals ignited a sense of strong humiliation. Then a deep, gravelly voice spoke out from behind her. “Wanawake hawa walipatikana wakiingia kwa njia isiyo halali kwenye uwanja wa mti mtakatifu wa Mugumo, na kama adhabu watapokea kuchapwa viboko hadharani. Umati unapaswa kusimama nyuma.” Jennie didn’t speak Swahili, but she could understand some. From what he said she understood ‘caught’, ‘trespassing’, ‘mugumo’, ‘punishment’, and ‘whipping’. A few in the crowd of onlookers jeered angrily at the mention of the trespassing on the mugumo tree. At the mention of a whipping she felt a dreadful and anxious anticipation, and the crowd gave a unified gasp at something she couldn’t see. A sharp crack sounded and Somi gave a cry of pain beside her. Jennie’s dread intensified. Another crack sounded and she felt a searing pain on her back, making her gasp in both shock and pain. She looked around and saw two men, each of whom carried a long bullwhip with a tassel at the end. She looked away as Somi was hit again, trying to ignore her shriek of torment. Jennie was lashed again, this time lower down on her back. She gave a whimper, feeling the sharp sting in full. Ten lashes were given to both of them, leaving their backs stinging and aching. Then the two men approached and turned them around, so they were facing the crowd. Jennie hung her head in shame, trying not to meet the gazes that roved over her naked body. Another lash was given to Somi. Then the tip of the whip made contact with her breast, lashing her nipple directly. She yelled in pain as Somi was hit again. Then the man lashed her other breast, and she felt shock before pain. They were targeting areas that were sure to cause intense suffering, and it was working. They each got ten more lashes, and then the bullwhips were put away. Jennie breathed a sigh of relief before seeing what they brought out next. A full crate of whips was brought out. One guard removed a barbed cat-o-nine tailed whip and Jennie caught her breath, but the other shoved it back, shaking his head and muttering something in Swahili. Then he took out two long, thin wooden switches and handed one to the other man. They approached Jennie and Somi once more and turned them around. No uniformity or pretense of professionalism was shown this time. The guards didn’t wait for one another, but immediately began striking their asses savagely. Jennie, eyes watering with pain and mouth open in a continuous cry of agony, looked to Somi and saw each swat of the switch crack off of her ass, creating ripples on her skin. One particularly nasty smack made Jennie scream in pain. Jennie lost count of how many times she was hit, but after a minute they backed off, leaving Jennie and Somi breathless. Jennie truly thought it was over, until they took out riding crops. The two of them were turned around again. One guard asked something in Swahili and the other nodded. He raised the crop in front of Jennie and brought it down on her right breast, smacking her squarely on the nipple. She tensed up with a cry and then fell limp against her bonds, wishing it to be over. He whipped her breast again, and then once more. Then she looked up just in time to see the crop streaking towards her left breast. She cried out once more, still resolutely trying to ignore the gazes of the crowd. She felt shamed, humiliated. The guard whipped her breast twice more and then stepped back for a moment. She looked up optimistically, thinking it to be over, and then her hopes were dashed once more as he advanced again. He grabbed her thighs and wrenched them apart, baring her pussy to the crowd’s stares. The next moment, he brought the lash up from the ground into her still-wet pussy with a smack that resounded around the square. The crowd took a collective inhale at this, and with a tremendous effort Jennie kept silent. The screams of torture from beside her were no longer audible. A sense of defiance had risen from the jumble of other feelings inside her, risen like a viper from a pit. She would keep silent, no matter how many times he struck her. At the same time she came to this conclusion, he realized it, and gave a vicious uppercut to her smarting lips, and her effort doubled as the sting seared through her. He gave her five more, ten more, twenty. She lost count as she shut her eyes and bore it. But at what she thought was number forty, he gave one particularly forceful stroke, and despite herself Jennie finally let out the wail of torment that had been longing to escape her. The guard, satisfied, motioned for the other to stop and put away the crops and the crate. Jennie looked to Somi and saw that her entire front was covered in red marks from her beating. Their arms were untied from the branches, but not untied from each other. Someone grabbed ahold of her and threw her off the dais that the tree sat on. She landed painfully on the ground, and when she looked up she saw that she had been thrown at the feet of the crowd. Then the man’s voice spoke again, and Jennie understood what he said perfectly. “Do what you want to them.” Hands, Jennie couldn’t tell how many, groped at her body. Her breasts were roughly squeezed and slapped, and more hands rubbed, smacked, and teased her pussy. She tried to cry for help, but the gag was still in her mouth and she couldn’t make a sound. She shut her eyes tightly as she was lifted into the air, also noticing the guards sitting back and watching. A few supported her and two forced her legs apart. More fingers teased her slit, and then someone forced three fingers inside her. She moaned in pleasure despite herself, bucking her hips when the fingers brushed her g-spot. The person fingering her pulled his fingers out and shouted something to the crowd in which the words ‘whores’ and ‘parade’ were distinguishable, to general assent from the mob. Jennie knew nothing good could come of those words, and she was right. The mob set her down and someone came running to the man who had been fingering her with a collar. The collar was fastened around her neck and then yanked forward towards the town center. She didn’t even try to resist, there were too many of them, and in any case they were too unpredictably volatile to risk it. She was paraded around the town naked with Somi for a good ten minutes, and her cheeks were on fire by the time they returned to the square, her naked body having been on display for everyone in the area. After being informed of their heinous crime, the natives had spat on them, slapped them, beaten them with sticks, and whapped them with canes. Jennie was covered in red marks and spit, and once they returned to the square their hands were tied to the branches again. More countless hands groped her body and slapped her breasts, and then someone in the crowd started a chant of “Kuwatomba!”, which Jennie didn’t understand but figured out when she and Somi were forced onto the ground. Immediately, she was surrounded, face to the ground, the side of her head collecting sand. A second later she gave a cry as she felt two cocks invade her ass and pussy. Someone yanked her head from the ground and stuffed his cock into her mouth. Hands landed on her ass and tits, slapping ferociously, and the crowd cheered the men fucking Jennie on. Jennie never suspected that such peaceful villagers would get so aggressive after finding out what Jennie and Somi did. It didn’t seem that serious, but now the crowd’s rage and lust was reaching fever pitch. As much as she tried to hold it in, she couldn’t stop herself moaning in pleasure at the huge cocks stretching her out. The men groaned and fucked her harder, and the feeling overwhelmed her. The pleasure took her over and she felt herself squirting hard onto them. The men backed up and then someone smacked her ass hard. Their hands were tied to the tree again so that any passersby could see them. After a few more minutes of physical and verbal abuse the crowd dispersed and finally they were left alone there. Passersby stopped, whispered, and pointed at them, but no questions were asked, and no help was offered.

Eventually six men came. They took Jennie and Somi’s hands down from the tree and gave them some water, asking where they came from and how they found themselves in such a situation. Jennie answered their questions, and when she got to the part about having accidentally tresspassed, one of them shook his head. “They are always going bananas about that tree, I tell you.” He said. “Whenever someone will get near that tree, it’s always a public whipping. You two are lucky,” he added, “that they didn’t take out the cat-o-nine tails.” “Yes, one was going to,” said another, “but since you are tourists the other refused, on the grounds that you couldn’t have known.” “Exactly!” Jennie exploded. “We had no idea! We were walking along the field, we stopped to have a closer look at the stupid tree, and the next thing I know I’m naked and tied to a tree, having my backside thrashed off!” Somi shook her head. “It’s not right, what they did,” she said hollowly. “Even before they whipped us. We were stripped naked, bound, and fucked. Raped.” Privately, Jennie speculated that for her it wasn’t really rape; she hadn’t objected at all, but the men looked disgusted. “Well, I’m glad some people around here have some decency, at least,” said Jennie wearily. After this the men left, promising to bring back food and clothes. A few minutes later they returned with a few blankets and bowls full of Nyama Choma. Jennie and Somi accepted the blankets and food and covered themselves as best as they could (though it didn’t really matter at this point, the entire town had seen every part of them), thanking the men for their help. Jennie’s wary eye noticed the guards still hanging back over by the hut Jennie had been abducted to. Her eyes followed them as they approached again, the other men having walked off. One started talking to Jennie and Somi in Swahili, talking rapidly. “I can’t understand you,” Jennie said tiredly. “I don’t speak Swa-” The guards bent down as quick as lightning and grabbed Jennie and Somi by the arms. Somi tried to scream but the guard clapped a hand over her mouth, and Jennie’s guard followed suit. The guards strapped gags into their mouths again and Jennie had a feeling that their troubles weren’t over. … It wasn’t long until Jennie found herself naked and tied up on the clay floor again. The guards entered once more, but they didn’t immediately commence fucking her. They took her to the post supporting the tent and tied her hands above her head and her feet to the bottom of the post. Her sensitive nipples grated against the wood. A moment later she felt a strap make contact with her already sore ass. Her voice was already hoarse from screaming in pain, moaning in pleasure and other sounds, and her cry was broken and hoarse. The strap hit her again and she cried out again. They weren’t hitting her hard, but hard enough to cause pain. They struck her ten more times and then she collapsed as they untied her. She mentally wondered what was next. They had beaten her into complete submission, now what? She would let them fuck her, no issues. Tired and sore as she was, she was not going to say no to another gangbang. In fact, that’s what they were about to do, Jennie noticed. They were removing their loincloths again, and despite her anger at being beaten, she spread her legs eagerly. One looked taken aback but advanced anyway. In a matter of moments they were on her. She felt one enter her pussy, which was already wet from arousal, one in her ass, and one man tip her head back and slide into her throat. She moaned as she felt the cock rub against her g-spot. He fucked her harder, making her scream in pleasure into her facefucking. She loved it, she didn’t want it to stop. The man fucking her throat couldn’t last any longer and slammed his hips into her face, burying himself in her throat and shooting his cum into her.She moaned as he pulled out, trying valiantly to swallow it all. At last she managed it, and her toes curled with pleasure. “Oh god yes, fuck me harder!” She yelled. Her hand reached down to her clit and rubbed furiously, pushing her towards her peak. “Feels so good, fuck, I’m gonna cum!” One of them slapped her tit hard and squeezed roughly, only heightening her bliss. “Harder!” Jennie cried, other hand massaging her other breast. “Yes, yes, yes, fuck! Harder, pound my pussy! Shit, I’m cumming! I’m cumming, OH FUCK!” Her last scream of pleasure reverberated in the very timber of the house as she experienced a very intense orgasm and squirted hard onto the man’s cock. He in turn groaned loudly and exploded in her pussy, flooding her with hot cum. The man under her fucking her ass orgasmed as well, pumping her ass full of his seed. “Oh, fuck,” she moaned, feeling the warmth inside her. The men got up and reattached their loincloths. After retying her hands and feet, they went out, leaving her tied, naked, and alone once more. They returned with who Jennie recognized as the tribe leader with them. He took a moment to admire Jennie’s flawless naked body before speaking to her. “I have been informed of your position as a criminal and a trespasser.” He said. “I have decided to give you a choice; Either you disobey and go to prison, or you obey, submit yourself and your body to our village, and become our breeding queen.” Jennie saw the potential to either live in prison forever or live in pleasure forever. But what about Korea? She was only going on vacation, but she didn’t want to stay here forever, not at all. Maybe they could negotiate. “But I don’t live here,” Jennie said. “I will become your breeding queen, hell, even your fucktoy. I’ll let you use me whenever you want, I’ll be your sex slave. But I only request that I be able to return to my home and come here once a year instead of living here.” The guards and leader talked among themselves and then turned back to her. “Yes, that would be acceptable,” said the leader. “So long as you return every year to fulfill your role as breeding queen, we will allow you to leave.” Privately, Jennie speculated that she would be searched for if she wasn’t back when she was supposed to be, but she went with it. She was untied, given her clothes (which had been sitting in a corner) back, but Jennie noticed that they kept her panties. Not surprising. Then she was shown back to Ngina, who certainly had some questions.Had someone told her she would be agreeing to be the cockslave of a Kenyan tribe ten days ago, she would have called the straightjacket patrol. But the pleasure had been too much to handle, she was addicted. With much resignation she answered all the questions. The following discussion sucked away a lot of time, and then the bus was clumsily loaded back up. Most of the passengers cast Jennie fervent looks but avoided her gaze. After about ten minutes of waiting, Somi boarded and flung herself into the seat next to Jennie. Her entire face was burning red and she was clearly livid. “Unbelievable,” she said quietly. “Those stupid, perverted scumbags forced me into being their slave.” “What happened?” “I refused at first. They threatened my life, they held spears to my neck. I had no choice. They’re savages, I had no doubt they would kill me on the spot.”

“Are you ever coming back?” Somi looked at Jennie like she had two heads. “Are you insane? Never! Not once in my entire life! Surely you’re not either?”“Never.” Jennie lied. “They did the same to me, I never want it to happen again.” The bus took them back to Nairobi, where Somi gave Jennie a terse “see you later” and departed. Exhausted, Jennie headed back to the hotel and fell asleep. It wouldn’t be the last time she went to that village.

#kpop smut #blackpink smut #somi smut #jennie smut

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yanxidarlings · 2 months

Text

YANDERE TWD

REUNITED (yandere! big brother! merle dixon x male reader x yandere! big brother daryl dixon) (yandere! gareth x male reader) (rick grimes x male reader if you squint) NOTES: fair warning, this is some descriptive disturbing shit merle dixon counts as a warning on his own as well. this went in many directions i originally set out for yandere headcanons for the two, then got into the terminus arc, and ended with some pretty vague alluding to yandere. might write a part two)

imagine obsessive! possessive! big brothers! merle and daryl dixon. the dead begin to walk and they keep the darlin safe, meeting up with the atlanta camp. but the brothers won't let anyone get close to the darlin, not dale, not carl, certainly not shane or lori.

somehow, the darlin ends up going with glenn into the city on a supply run, only for it to go horribly wrong. the darlin insisted they head into a chemist to "look for medications" in case anyone in the camp needed them. but it was a lie. the darlin just wanted to find something to help merle with the inevitable withdrawal he'd go through once his supply of drugs ran out. the chemist is overrun by walkers but the darlin insists. "we can clear it!" they say to glenn "it'll be worth it for m- everyone" the korean gave the other a skeptical look. in the end, there was just too many, glenn thought he saw the darlin go down and reluctantly returned to camp.

"oi! shitface, you think you're a big boy now? can do whatever you want now everything's gon' to shit!" the raspy, harsh voice of merle dixon echoed through the camp. the redneck tramped over to the SUV glenn was parking. he remained silent as he turned the engine off. taking a deep breath, the young man exited the car, staring at the grass.

the older dixon stormed over, aggressively opening every door of the vehicle until he reached the boot. filled with supplies. "where the fuck is m/n" he growled, coming closer to the asian "he better be pullin up in another car" merle spat out. "i- it was" glenn stuttered out, looking like he was about to piss his pants "it wasn't my fault, m/n was being reckless, i had no cho-" CRACK glenn's face was soon bloodied and bruised, merle now on top of him, yelling out profanities as he beat the younger man. "merle!" the others quickly ran to pull the redneck off glenn.

"you fucking ch*ng-ch*ng bastard i'll rip-" merle was pried off glenn, who was now rolling around in agony, his face a bloody mess. "what the fuck happen'd" merle rasped out, although to glenn it sounded like a croak "where is he" merle was still being held back by t-dog and shane as he continued yelling. glenn avoided the rednecks furious gaze "the walkers got him" he finally spoke, looking down.

for a moment it looked like merle was about to cry, for a moment merle himself thought he was going to burst into tears like a sissy. "no he ain't" but instead he picked up his shotgun, and got into the drivers seat of the SUV.

that was how andrea, t-dog, jackie, glenn and morales ended up in the city. that was how merle got handcuffed to a roof by "officer friendly" and that was why daryl yelled in agony on that same roof. in the course of a day, he had lost the two most important people in his life.

but merle had survived by cutting off his left hand, and the darlin had survived by covering himself in walker guts.

"china- no- glenn- don't- help!" the h/c-et screamed, the sound of his own gun firing defeaning his ears. as one went down, another lunged at him, rotten teeth clanking together, desperately trying to knaw into his flesh. but he wouldn't die here. he couldn't. not when merle was 'relying' on him to get drugs. maybe then, the dixons would start to treat him as less of a clueless child and more of an equal.

after taking down a few, m/n jumped behind the counter, rummaging through the medications, looking for anything that might help with the withdrawal, or better, give merle his next fix. more of the dead came at him, but he just kept shooting, stabbing, hitting, anything to cause the fatal damage needed to end the dead's miserable 'life'.

BANG one was down BANG another BANG BANG BANG .. the slide didn't move forward as he shot his way through another round. shit. he was out of ammo "glenn!" he yelled out as a walker fell on top of him, wrestling it's way closer to his skin. all the korean could hear was m/n's screaming. which only attracted more walkers. he saw the medicine that m/n had thrown over the counter before going down, stuffing it into his bag, he creeped up closer to the group of walkers that had acculumated, following the sound of m/n's scream. until it stopped. "m/n?" he uttered under his breath, but the pile of walkers on top of each other told him the other was dead. with tears in his eyes, glenn ran out.

m/n struggled against the strength of the walker. it was freshly turned, he could tell. otherwise it wouldn't be so strong. kicking, punching, reaching for his knife, anything to save himself from becoming one of them. plunging his blade into the side of the walkers head, he quickly slit the once-man's throat. covering his face in the blood. before moving down to the abdomen. cutting it open, letting the walkers rotting insides pour out all over him, the ones that had piled on top soon couldn't distinguish the smell of living flesh from rotting blood.

he went silent, breathing shallowly, hoping, praying, they'd move off him and he could silently slip out. but when he was finally free of the chemist, glenn, the supplies they had gathered, and the SUV were gone.

he walked the dead-ridden streets of the once bustling city, covered in blood, hidden in plain sight. he kept walking (which then turned into a limp after getting hit in the ankle by a flying bullet) becoming weaker with each step, hoping to make his way back to camp. only to come to the end of the trainline leading into suburban atlanta. TERMINUS the building read "those who arrive survive" he heard a feminine voice call out from the speakers. maybe they have gauze. he glanced down at his leg, the sleeve of his shirt he had tied around it now dyed red.

"community for all; sanctuary for all" he saw a young man- perhaps just a little older than m/n was, staring down at him from the window. something felt amiss, off, but m/n had lost so much blood he didn't care. he stumbled towards the train station, stopping and starting as he debated his decision.

daryl, merle.. they'll be wondering he thought to himself, stopping for the 5th time, but i won't make it back he began walking again but they'll be looking for me he stopped, nearly tripping but the sudden lack of motion if i found this place they'll find it too he picked up the pace again, frantically moving towards the gates but- as he stopped himself once more, he finally tripped over. right onto the walker trap the train people had set up. his left ribcage was pierced by the sharp metal pole sticking out of the ground, causing the h/c-et to let out a loud screech.

before he knew it people had come out, the same man that had stared at him through the window moments earlier put his hand on the wound, causing m/n to flinch "we're you trying to get yourself killed?" the man mused, seemingly unphased by the active bleeding out that was happening in front of him. the man spoke more words that were muffled as m/n fell out of consciousness.

it was pitch black when he opened his eyes. not a shred of light to allude to the location. pitch black. m/n's hands brushed her his torso, feeling the gauze that was tightly wrapped around his chest. it all came back to him. the chemist, the walkers, glenn, the train people. he shifted his arms, feeling the thin material he was lated on, and the cold metal it covered. attempting to hoist himself up, pain shot through his body.

letting out a groan, he laid back down, closing his eyes. is this death. it certainly felt like it. the nothingness, the pain, it was all he had ever imagined death to be like. what felt like hours passed, the nothingness was almost comforting, how long had it been since he could lay like this and do nothing with no worries. it was all ended when the creaking of the door signaled to m/n that he was not in-fact dead.

the sudden brightness was blinding "you awake?" a masculine voice spoke. m/n's eyes began burning from the light, "i guess" he replied quietly, his eyes closing. "good" the male put down a plate next to where m/n laid "eat up. i know this isn't the warmest welcome, i would have liked to show you around first" the man chuckled, leaning down, seemingly to get a good look at m/n.

the man- who introduced himself as gareth, began speaking about the community- terminus. that they did whatever they had to for survival, that m/n would have to prove himself loyal if he wanted to become apart of the community. he wasn't sure how to tell this gareth guy that he was leaving as soon as possible to find his group.

the discussion started off normal as m/n finished his food, until gareth started talking about how lonely he was, as the leader of this terminus community. it only got creepier as gareth started to call m/n pretty boy, edging closer to him. m/n doesn't want to know what would have happened if that middld aged lady (gareth's mother), hadn't called the man away.

it quickly became evident to m/n that he was never going to leave. gareth locked him in the pitch black train car for hours on end, opening the door when there were armed men to prevent m/n from trying anything. gareth would sit with him and talk, running his hands over the male's body, stealing kisses, it was a reprehensive routine m/n had become forcibly accustomed to.

it all changed the day the hunters attacked. m/n was in his train car, as usual, listening to the outside screams, wondering if the attackers were dead or alive. he knew they were alive when one pried open the train car door, and threw them self on him. he was then thrown into a cramped train car with other terminus residents, where the hunters hand picked who to assault and slaughter each day. he and gareth spent their days huddled up together, talking about their lives before. had m/n not accepted the hunters offer to leave the train car if he worked for them, gareth wouldn't have lost his mind. but m/n was desperate to get away. from the train car. from terminus. to find his family.

but the hunters caught him trying to leave. they did their absolute worst to him and then threw him back in. when the termites took back terminus, gareth locked the leader of the hunters and m/n into the same train car. "this is what you deserve" he told him, before locking the door shut.

perhaps it was years, perhaps it was months, maybe it was only a few hours. the horrors of the train car began to unfold, as the man who had once led the attack on terminus lost his mind: pouncing on m/n at random, screaming for hours straight, trying to eat m/n alive when they'd be deprived of food, ripping his ear off in hungered insanity. as m/n laid there bleeding from his ear, he decided either i escape or i die. had running worked before? no. was he willing to die trying? not really, but a man would do anything for freedom, and that's what m/n did.

the hunter had fallen asleep, a fatal mistake, as m/n wrapped his hands around the mans unshaven neck and squeezed. within second the man awoke but m/n was relentless, not letting go until the other went limp. i just have to wait now he cried to himself, hands shaking. calming, he began to strip the man of his clothes and use the fabric to restrain his limbs.

waiting for the termites to open the door with the meal made of human flesh felt like an eternity. the familiar sound of metal scratching and creaking filled m/n's ear, who quickly sprung into action.

grabbing the reanimated hunter by the hair, he guided it in the direction of the door, throwing it towards the woman holding their plates. she screeched as the hunters corpse sank it's teeth into her flesh, blood pouring from the wound.

m/n grabbed the woman's gun and bolted as the nearby workers aimed their guns at the walker, taking it down swiftly, but m/n had already gotten out of the train car. hiding behind what once was his cage, he shot at every person who came into view. eventually making his way to the fence, through the woods, he didn't stop running until the sound of gunshots stopped entirely. even then, he kept running. he ran for what felt like hours until his lungs couldn't take it anymore. collapsing onto the dirt, heaving in and out.

woodbury had fallen, it's entire population now living in the prison nearby. rick had relinquished his leadership, insisting the prison be governed by a council. he often went on runs by himself, to get away from it all, to look back on his actions, to find lost survivors. it wasn't everyday rick grimes came across a twenty something perhaps younger male covered in blood, breathing like he had never tasted air before. well, usually the young men were walkers. but this one was very much alive.

"please don't" the male groaned out, eyes wide, as rick approached with a knife. "who are you" he drawled out, kneeling down to get a good look at the other. the young males face was bruised, his hair covered in blood, an ear was missing, and the male was emaciated. "uh" the male seemed to have to think about it, as if he hadn't spoken to another human in years "m/n" he finally puffed out, bringing his hand up to his head, where the left ear once was.

rick's hands brushed m/n hair out of his face, causing the male to flinch away "how many walkers have you killed" the older man finally asked after several moments of silence. m/n just stared at him, as if to say he hadn't been keeping track "how many people have you killed" still, the same look. "water" "what" rick narrowed his eyes. m/n used his free hand to shakily point to the man's bag, where a bottle of water was latched on to the side.

rick was silent as m/n chugged the water down "do you have anything sweet?" "no i don't" "oh" something about the boy felt familiar. didn't glenn mention originally going into atlanta to find a boy with a similar description? maybe it was just that the male reminded him of his own boy in a way, or maybe he had already developed a fondness for m/n. "i have a camp" rick looked m/n in the eye "we have walls, food, a community, a doctor that can look at your wound" he added.

the h/c-et shook his head "not again" rick furrowed his brows "what" the boy started to pick himself up "i gotta, um" he started feeling around the ground for his gun, "gotta go" he finished as he felt the handle of the gun. stuffing the weapon into his belt, he stood up, using a tree as a crutch. "c'mon kid, you're going to die out here" rick leaned forward and took the gun out of the others hand "no im not! give it!" m/n lunged forward, only to awkwardly fall into rick's chest, sinking down back to the ground.

"you've got two bullets left" m/n looked up at rick with a glare "either you come back to my camp with me or i just wasted my water on a dead man" m/n held his glare until the sun got into his eyes. "whatever" he looked down, hoisting himself back to his feet with the help of rick's hand.

daryl squinted his eyes as the evening sun glared down, merle had stolen his motorcycle. again. the older dixon was always going off on fun runs without informing anyone beforehand. perhaps because the redneck had never really been accepted into the group like daryl was.

taking another bite of his pork chop, daryl grunted at carol who told him to go in and get some rest. but why would he want to rest when all he could think of when his mind was unoccupied was his baby brother, the boy he had pretty much raised, who was now probably a rotting corpse in atlanta. but daryl still held out hope that m/n had gotten out, that he was safe, that he would find him oneday. this was why he never rested, these thoughts would creep up in the younger dixons head.

the sound of his motorcycle rumbling told him that merle was back. the older dixon sauntered over to daryl, a cigarette sat between his thin lips, "look what you're big brother merle got you, darylina" he pulled a pack of cigarettes out his pocket, sliding it into daryls pocket. daryl said nothing, staring into the distance; was that rick? the figure was too far away to discern.

"dad!" carl called out, jogging down. "look what i- m/n?" the young grimes exclaimed as he came closer to the pair. rick carried the half-conscious boy through the gates "you know this guy?" rick looked at carl, who flicked the hair out of m/n's face to get a better look "he was with us back in atlanta, we thought he died on a run"

daryl's heart stopped, did he hear carl right? they were pretty far away. standing up, he threw the pork bone aside and marched towards the two- three. when he finally came close enough to see the persons face, he had to stop himself from tearing up in front of carl and rick "m/n" he uttered out quietly. the father and son came to a halt as he approached "you knew this guy back in atlanta" rick nodded at daryl "'course i did. he's my brother" daryl was quick to take m/n off rick. he wanted to cut the mans arms off just for touching his precious brother.

daryl rushed m/n into the prison, settling him in his cell, "go get hershel" he told carol, who looked just as perplexed as merle did as he walked into the cell. "m/n!? i thought you was dead" he breathed out, shoving daryl out the way, who was quick to push back, both wanting to be as close to their younger brother as possible "where'd you find him" merle looked over at rick, who was standing out front the cell "in the woods, looked like he'd been running"

rick moved aside as hershel came in, merle reluctantly stood up as hershel sat to access m/n's condition. "he's lost a lot of blood" hershel examined the ear hole where the flesh and muscle had been ripped from "we should have bob look at him, but from what i can see he needs bandaging and antibiotics" daryl grunted "i ain't letting no stranger touch him" he ushered hershel away, taking m/n's hand in his own "i found antibiotics on last weeks run, that gon' be enough" merle looked over at the old man, who nodded "we'll have to see how he reacts"

neither daryl or merle left m/n's side whilst waiting for the antibiotics to kick in. it was strange. no one in the prison had ever seen either of them so worried for or attached to someone. but for the six days and nights m/n spent unconscious, his body fighting off the infection from his wounds, recovering from the months of maltreatment.

when m/n finally opened his eyes, taking in his surroundings, daryl was leaned against the wall at the edge of the bed, eyes locked on the boys face "sleep well?" was the first thing he said after the two had stared at each other for what felt like an eternity "yeah" m/n spoke softly.

"i should have never gone hunting that day" "am i dead" the two spoke in unison. daryl breathed out "no, never gon' let that happen" he shuffled closer, laying down next to the youngest dixon.

daryl stared at m/n intensely, until merle was roused from his sleep "m/n, i told you not to go out of my sight" he grumbled, sitting forward. m/n looked up at the metal frame of the top bunk "i just wanted to get you some narcan" merle stared at him, blinking away tears "didn' have to risk your life for it" he pursed his lips "i ain't worth you dyin'" he added quietly, sitting back, his eyes not leaving m/n's.

the room went silent for a moment "maybe not, but you're my brother" m/n closed his eyes for a moment "do you guys have pop or candy here?" he questioned hopefully. merle let out a chuckle "i found a can on my run today" he chuckled out, before going quiet "i chugged it on the spot"

"you piece of shit!"

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