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quiet-nocturne · 5 months

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answer your 30 questions please and thank you!!!

WOO. HERE WE GO, YA'LL:

ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

How many words have you written this year? Published? 22,685. Unpublished? A loooooot ahaha.

How many works did you publish this year? Currently, 3. Hoping to have 4-5 by christmas though. 👀

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? definitely cause i'm lovesick. That thing was a labor of love. My first fanfic baby in a loooong time.

What work of yours has the most hits? currently cause i'm lovesick (I ain't even ashamed), which is at 735 hits. But it's kind of biased, considering I only came back to fic writing in like october.

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? nothing in particular - I'm just happy to have any engagement!

Favorite title you used honestly, no favorite as of yet. All the titles I've used come from song lyrics that are super royai coded/important to me, so I like them all. That answer could definitely change in the future though!

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? most recently, taylor swift (hopeless, breathless, burning slow), but also banks (cause i'm lovesick and you're all that matters to me anyway - she's SO GOOD for angsty love songs). Lyrics are so, so important to me. I have a ~300 song royai playlist (which I'm going to slim down and post here at some point) that I listen to constantly, lol, and a huge notes file on my phone filled with potential song lyric titles. I have a music degree and it's literally so important to my writing process aajsaksjljasjl.

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? Royai. lol. That's not going to change any time soon. The extreme hyperfixation is REAL.

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? Again royai. They're the best. My babies. 💖

What work was the quickest to write? Surprising, chapter 2 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow. started it last night and i'm already nearly done the first draft. That thing flew out of me, especially considering chapter 1 was much more of a journey lol.

What work took you the longest to write? definitely chapter 1 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow. it wasn't the writing that was the issue - it was the editing. I really dragged my feet on it, and could have had that thing out like 2 weeks ago. 🤦‍♀️

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year? oh god. my wip's currently include: - chapter 2 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow - sequel to cause i'm lovesick (I ain't even ashamed) - a christmas fic - angsty, hurt/comfort, character exploration, ishval restoration multi-chaptered fic (I'm REALLY excited to work on this!!! yay angst) - roy and riza returning to her old father's house post-cannon and STUFF HAPPENS, fluff, hurt/comfort, etc (also really excited for this one! i've been daydreaming about it for MONTHS. Even just thinking about this fic feels like sinking into a warm bath. That's the vibes I want it to give) - ANOTHER post-promised day fic, because I'm a broken record, but this time more humorous/cute. - aaaand yet another post-promised day fic, but one where Riza REALLY ISN'T DOING WELL/almost dies like a million times at the hospital and roy is sad (!!!). - briggs angst/sick fic - does that make sense? no? it will. Yeah. yeahhh. That list is only going to get bigger. 🤷‍♀️ Some of these will also, shockingly, not have smut lol.

What’s your longest work of the year? So far, ch. 1 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow at a whopping 9, 792 words. It really ran away from me.

What’s your shortest work of the year? mmm, you're all that matters to me anyway at 5,954 words. apparently I can't write anything below 5k lol. 🤷‍♀️

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? Oof, I mean probably most of what I had listed above. I aim to have some of it done - but it's already December 7th, so yeah.

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? Smut. lol.

Your favorite character to write this year? Surprisingly, Roy. I almost find him easier to write than Riza. Normally I don't enjoy writing from the male perspective. But Roy Mustang is just 🔥. I was so surprised lol.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? No one, as of yet. But we'll see what I say once I start working more on the multi chaptered fics. 😬

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? More Royai, maybe with a dash of Roy/Maes. Maybe I'll try a bit of Ed/Winry? Who knows!

Which work of yours have you reread the most? chapter 1 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow. I am so fucking sick of it ahaha helppp.

How many kudos in total did you get this year? Currently at 142! You are all so sweet. 😭

Which work has the most comments? I think cause i'm lovesick at the moment!

Did you do any collaborative works this year? nope! Definitely something I'd consider doing in the future though!

Did you write any gifts this year? maybe! 👀 we shall see

Did you receive any gifts this year? nope!

What’s your most common category? ...Smut. lol. 🤷‍♀️

What do you listen to while writing? ahhhh I love talking about music with my ships! like I said, my ridiculously huge royai playlist. also all of my top songs on spotify were from it, which includes: 1. Say Yes to Heaven - Lana Del Ray (i've got my eye on you / i've got my mind on you) 2. Work Song - Hozier (no grave could hold my body down / i'll crawl home to her) 3. I Wanna Be Yours - Artic Monkeys (secrets i have held in my heart / are harder to hide then i thought / maybe i just wanna be yours) 4. Night We Met - Lord Horan feat. Pheobe Bridges (i had all and then most of you / some and now none of you / take me back to the night we met / i don't know what i'm supposed to do / haunted by the ghost of you) - that ishval restoration fic is definitely going to use a lyric from this song SOMEWHERE Honorable mentions: Die First - Nessa Barrett (someone dies or someone gets hurt / but if one of us dies / i hope i die first) Ya'aburnee - Halsey (i'll never know / if there's danger in confession / or it's memory that presses / like a blade against my throat / another word and i could choke / but what's worst? / tellin' you my feelings / or to die without revealing / that you got inside my head / and set a fire there instead?) Dress - Taylor Swift (there is an indentation in the shape of you / made your mark on me, a golden tattoo / all of this silence and patience / pining and anticipation / my hands are shaking from holding back from you) 10000/10, would play at royai's wedding.

Favorite work you wrote this year? cause i'm lovesick. Again, it was my baby. I loved writing it so much.

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? mmmm, probably: "She'd planned to stay angry at Mustang for longer, but then he'd surprised her by sauntering into her apartment basically the second his train had arrived, eyes blazing with desire as he collected her in his warm embrace, murmuring you have no idea how much I've been craving to taste you against the soft skin of her throat." (I tried to find one that was mostly sfw lol).

Biggest surprise while writing this year? Just being able to write, in general! It's been so much fun. 💖

#bless you i love answering asks #💕#ask #answered #writing #ilyanairvine #answered asks #royai #royai fanfic #royai fanfiction #my fics #my stuff

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draw-you-coward · 10 months

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yeah maybe you reblogged that thing like 2 days ago but I'm going slow right now so if you still want to do the character ask thing, maybe mr Aloth Pillars of Eternity?

ogh im just happy to get one! lol

First impression: he's just a sweet lil lad. a sweet boy.. he seems so nice and shy and somewhat pathetic... i take pity on the lil squishy wizord in deadfire: damn aloth's old and cynical now lmAO

Impression now: this is tough bc i've slooowly started replaying deadfire and i forget most of my impression of him 🤔 I remember thinking that he makes a lot of very funny snarky comments and I liked how they gave him nervous stims esp with his hands. he just seems so done with all the bullshit and i feel that. I do wish he still had some of that sweet ladness left under all that cynicism though... but I think Rake thinks it's a little sexy

Favorite moment: bruh he propositioned Rake in the bathhouse literal seconds before tekehu did... i've been wanting to write a fic about it. besides that, there was a bit in the first game where rake failed a str check and aloth also failed a str check to help him and dislocated his shoulder and I just thought it was so sweet :-) so little rng things i guess... although i do like the comment he makes after you kill the memory monster in the wael dlc

Idea for a story: ok ok u know how i do like. vignettes. well i've been wanting to replay deadfire and sloowly make a fic abt their relationship? starting with the first time they enter the bathhouse maybe ahaha it'll be more playful in tone. my writing's improved a lot since i started the rake series and I still think about one comment I got that said they were so glad i was writing because barely anyone else did male watcher/aloth... 💀 i wrote like. three things and i still feel guilty about it sometimes

Unpopular opinion: oo boy! i feel like i stay so far away from fandom that i dont know what anyone thinks anyways LOL. ig just a general thing for me which is I'm not really a fan of romance? shippy stuff kinda gives me the ick 😅 For characters like aloth (esp bc i. dont like men lmao) I'm mostly drawn to their vibes and personality, and I really liked his whole wizard deal plus iselmyr and the abusive dad backstory ; i feel like there's a LOT of potential to dive into how that affects him that no one really explores

Favorite relationship: with edér :)) just two good ol boys. i like how theyre pals

Favorite headcanon: oo i dont really make these for characters esp if I like canon. i guess i'd like to further expand on how iselmyr functions for him, esp since in game it doesnt seem to follow specific rules or guidelines. does she come out when he's triggered? does she come out just to yell at me for friendly fire or to be upset when my unkillable ghost dog dies? how did he learn to function well in combat if she delivers attacks sometimes ("i dinnae con the spellybooks" girledfriend then woter u doing here? 😔) i guess i'd headcanon that there'd be a learning curve, esp since his first instinct was to fight/suppress her 🤔

from here pls feel free to send me more i love attention

#ask #thedreamsofgods #aloth #poe #i dont remember what i tagged these it's been so long #yo whyd they changed the link button .. ufcked up

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lacomandante · 4 months

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Tagged in '20 questions for fic writers' by the @chiropteracupola — thank you!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

4. Very shameful... I have many, many fics started, and so many ideas, but I usually lack the energy to finish them, but slowly work on them. And while I do have a couple that are finished, posting them wouldn't make a ton of sense without prior explanation on a lot of things. So it stays in the vault for now.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

8,887! I need to publish a fic that's just one word now!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Primarily Sharpe- but more often I've written for Tolkien, even though I've never published anything publicly to AO3, just tumblr.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

....I don't want to link the first one bc it's embarrassing, but it has 199 kudos.

Home has 34.

Longest Night has 26

And Después de guerra has 19.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely- I try to respond to every one I get. It's very rare I get comments for my fics, especially the Sharpe ones, so I treasure them dearly!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

This is going to sound terrible, but I usually don't write fics with angsty endings!! I always try and end with at least a silver lining. (And at least for Sharpe fics, canon already is pretty depressing, so I like to write happier things lol). I think it would have to be the one where my dúnedain ranger dies at the Battle of the Morannon, being snatched by a fell beast and dropped from a large height.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think Home. I just love Teresa and Sharpe and Antonia safe and happy and loved 🥺 Though it's been so many years since I wrote it I might have to go back and polish it....

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, thankfully. But the fear of getting hate is what's prevented me from posting most of my Tolkien ones, I would say.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! I've got one in the works atm that I really like. I'm a sucker for hurt/comfort in general, but honestly, I'm game for any smut. I'm the type of person who writes a 2,000 word blowjob fic thats IMPERATIVE for the character development lmao.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't think I've personally written any fics with crossovers before. I guess like 12 years ago I wrote a Resident Evil/Silent Hill crossover but never got far into it...I posted it to LiveJournal lol. Those were the days.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, thank goodness. At least for Sharpe the fandom is so tiny it'd be hard not to notice if someone did lol.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope! Though I've considered translating my own into Spanish, I'm not quite proficient as I am in English and it wouldn't be the same.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Almost every single bit of writing for the Sharpe series that isn't posted to AO3 has pretty much been written with @properbastard. Sam and I pretty much every day bounce ideas off of each other and share one brain cell. But she also beta-reads my fics and often helps me when I'm stuck, so even if it's a fic I wrote myself, she's pretty much embedded into it too. And if rping counts as cowriting a fic, then yes, absolutely!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

If you're following me and reading this, you probably already know <3

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Personally I try not to think of WIP's that way. I think I have the potential to finish any fic, but I don't want to set myself up for failure by thinking I'll never finish something. Or maybe that's just me being in denial LOL.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think descriptions and maybe dialogue? I like to describe landscapes and set up scenes so that a nice image is painted and sets the stage for the main characters, so to speak. I also have a decent feel for dialogue, I think. Since I've very rarely written modern fiction, one of the most important aspects of historical fiction is being conscious of how characters speak. What words would they use? Do they shorten sentences, or not? What's their background? Upper class or from the gutter? Do they speak English natively? Can they use this phrase, or is that a modern one? I'm a stickler for it, and if I read a fic where the characters Do Not sound like themselves, I usually have to exit out of it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Actually writing lmfao. I don't tend to have a lot of confidence with my writing, which is a shame, but I struggle a lot with that and second guess myself on a lot of things. I'm also incredibly slow- I have so many fics on the backburner just chillin' that I get overwhelmed just looking at and then don't do it, despite wanting to. I create a lot of obstacles for myself that I know don't need to be there, but I'm not sure how to get rid of them.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've done it before! Least not in published fics. For Teresa, since I literally got a Spanish degree because of her, in the past I've incorporated a bit of Spanish into my writing to practice my lessons with her. It was really fun- and honestly, I think it can definitely serve a purpose in a fic- sometimes not knowing what's being said and being forced to extrapolate for yourself through context clues can really put yourself into another characters shoes.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Left 4 Dead. I was hugely into the Valve games, but L4D was my first foray, and probably my biggest and most popular fic. I had quite a few chapters and people really liked it on FF.net, and I would write out the chapters on paper in class, in middle school. I ended up deleting it because I had no idea what to do with it- no plans, no story, just writing as I went. I fondly remember a scene I wrote where Zoey was bleeding out and Nick used a defib on her and it worked <3 oh 13 year old medical knowledge....

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I can't choose! I think I'm so critical of my writing it's so hard to like anything I write.

I tag @phoenixflames12 @properbastard @conquistadoradelmar @prvtocol and whoever else wants to do it!!

#;memes #(thank you for the tag!!!)#(me: does this instead of writing)#(but to be fair I DID work on a fic yesterday and made some progress so!!)

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sullina · 1 year

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What are your thoughts in a modern au melban ?how do you think they'd meet and would they have the same dynamics? Love your stuff so wanted to ask your thought :D

I'm happy you like my stuff and thanks for the ask^^ I hope you like what I wrote^^ Enjoy :D

So modern au MelBan... I do think they would still have pretty much the same dynamic with each other, but maybe not necessarily with the people around them.

Since alcohol, in modern times, is getting let's say "less popular", I can see Meliodas being rather and sneaky and kind of hiding how much he actually drinks from his friends and maybe family, depending on how much his family is actually in the picture.

Ban doesn't drink much, but for the one sole reason that he gets drunk super fast and just physically cannot lift his glass to his mouth after a few drinks.

Meliodas, at some point after becoming an adult, has opened the Boar Hat using money he either worked for or already had from his family or he sold something valuable, point is he had enough money to open the bar. Things weren't going well at first, but he needed employees and Hawk came in and took the job, which actually saved the bar, even if Meliodas would never ever admit it, because Hawk already had experience with running a business while Meliodas had no fucking clue on what to do beyond "buy and sell alcohol". Hawks ego was big enough as it is XD and like this, Meliodas and Hawk became somewhat friends. Elizabeth and Meliodas obv aren't together in this, but they're still close friends and cherish each other. Elizabeth also met Hawk over Meliodas and immediately fell in love with him. Not romantically, she just thinks he's super adorable and those two actually get along really well. Elizabeth occasionally also helps out at the bar when she can, since she wants her friend to succeed. (depending on whether or not this modern au still had magic and stuff, Hawk can be a pig/purgatory creature here or not, I'll leave it up to you, but I do want to say that I'm not opposed to magic in a modern au)

Enough on Meliodas though, onto Ban. Ban is a real kleptomaniac, but has miraculously never gotten a jail sentence. He did get the police called on him frequently though, because he tended to be aggressive, but only got taken in for the night, you like those cells the police put drunk people into to sober them up and let them go the next day? (a translator said it was called a "drunk tank" but I've never seen that being used, so I'm not 100% sure it's the right term ._. )

now how do they meet?

Well, Meliodas' bar was doing relatively well, but it wasn't exactly a hit either. He needed money and a lot of it. Same situation with Ban. He was flat out broke and he was living with friends who were nice enough to let him stay and crash for a while (King and Elaine, I guess would be the most logical choice here), he didn't want to be an eternal burden on them. The solution? Well, there was a fight festival coming up, and the prize money was nothing to sneeze at.

Ban being Ban was no stranger to fighting, so he had quite a lot of experience just out of necessity, giving him a pretty good chance at winning, if not first place, he could still get second or third, both of which also came with some prize money and as far as Ban was concerned, anything was better than nothing.

Meliodas on the other hand didn't seem like the fighting kind of guy, right? True. It's actually a very closely kept secret of his, but he really really like pretty much any kind of fighting sport. In his family, he was more or less forced to learn some kind of martial art bc "status" and stuff. That's one thing he didn't mind though, since he actually kind of enjoyed it, even if it was a little tedious at times. He was told that they (him and his brother(s) (depending on if Estarossa is included here or not)) had to take it up for exercise, but Meliodas suspected that their father wasn't 100% clean and wanted them to be able to defend themselves against potential kidnappers and didn't trust security guys that could be bought. Even after he left, Meliodas still kept up his training in secret, but also got into less "reputable" (?) fighting sports like, idk, wrestling I guess? And this lead to his sort of mixing a few kinds of fighting into his own style. This was definitely an advantage when someone wanted to start shit in the Boar Hat, like when they didn't want to pay for the food or something.

So Meliodas and Ban both enter and end up fighthing each other. I'd say Meliodas takes first place while Ban takes second. Diane also entered, but I'm not sure yet what place she would take, but it's definitely higher up. Might be third place even.

Ban is accompanied by King and Elaine while Meliodas came alone, since he doesn't want his friends to know that he can fight as well as he can (not necessarily because they would judge him for it, it's just that it's his secret and he'd like it to stay that way). Diane is here on her own, but is loosely acquainted with Elaine and Elizabeth (not quite friends, but not strangers either) and she loosely knows Meliodas as well, but is shy around him, because she has a slight crush on him. Not as big and obvious as in canon, but enough for her to take an interest in him. They're not close though. Merlin comes as an independent party to watch along with Gowther and Escanor. She's here for research purposes and may want Escanor to enter to test his strength, or maybe not.

So Ban and Meliodas meet in the fight festival, but because they fight in the finale, they actually "meet" before that. The festival takes several days and during those days, the participants are granted a room to stay in. It's a very popular festival, so the organizers can afford to do that. While staying, there's a bit of a problem in the kitchen one day and the food takes longer. The hungry participants are getting impatient, which is a terrible combination and Ban is getting hungry, too. Instead of just complaining about it though, he wordlessly enters the kitchen and starts helping out, which is noticed by none other than Meliodas, who, as you know, is an absolutely terrible cook. That day, the food tastes especially good, which leads to Meliodas approaching Ban and getting the info out of him that HE'S the reason for it.

Now that already intrigues Meliodas, but only after the festival, after they fought for first place, is he 100% sure that he wants Ban to come back with him. Now what exactly happens, I can't tell you, but they bond while fighting bc they're just Like That. And even though he lost, Ban had so much fun that he immediately tells Meliodas that they should go again, because no matter how much Ban tries to bury it with alcohol and a shitty attitude, he's still a good person and a bit of a child (in a good way) at heart. King sees it too, which is one of the reasons why he's so patient with him, even if Ban frustrates him to no end. Meliodas agrees to fight with Ban again, but only if he comes with him (to work as his cook in the bar). Ban is more than happy to take the job, because cooking is one of the things he's actually good at and enjoys. And Meliodas can even offer him a room right above the bar if he needs a place to stay! (it's one of those 'work on the ground floor and house/home above, all under one roof, like in canon).

Ban, who is not only in need of a job, but also wants to stay with this new friend he made, takes the offer. Of course he can't exactly Just Go with Meliodas from the fight festival, he's with King and Elaine there and he still has all his stuff at their place. So they get to talking and find that they actually live relatively close, maybe in the next town over or so! He doesn't take the room right away though.

('m basing this on germany, where the next town over is like 10 minutes by car btw)

Ban gets used to the work fast. His food is an absolute hit, leading to a fast increase in customers, which means more profits. Before all that though, Ban messes up a few times. Due to past experiences, he believes Meliodas might fire him, but he doesn't. He's actually very patient with him and even cares for him when he gets blackout drunk and doesn't judge him for it. It's this pure kindness and patience that makes Ban like Meliodas and develop a slight crush on him.

As for Meliodas, well the two still fight on the regular, just for fun. After one of these sparring sessions, Ban asks how Meliodas got into fighting, because he doesn't really seem like the fighting type. Meliodas is reluctant to tell the truth about his upbringing. Before he actually gets to it though, Ban, being able to tell that he's uncomfortable, stops him and tells him that it doesn't matter. Whatever his past was like, they're friends now.

Oooh, I just thought of a great reason why Meliodas keeps his fighting thing a secret, because when he just left home or even before that, people would think it was kinda creepy or weird, which kept Meliodas from making friends. He didn't mind in the fight festival, because he figured no one knew him there plus he was only there for the money anyway. Becoming friends with Ban was a lucky coincidence.

So Ban and Meliodas become closer and closer and Ban moves into the room that Meliodas keeps offering him. So they spend practically 24/7 around each other now, and they don't really think much of it (just bros being bros). Hawk doesn't live with them, since he lives very close by, like in the next building over or so. Close enough that he can be there in less than 5 minutes by foot.

While living together, Meliodas' mood improves A LOT. He's hadn't realized it, but he's actually been pretty lonely living all by himself and with Ban it's a lot less lonely and he doesn't feel like he has to hide anything from him. Meliodas also learned that Ban is an unexpectedly grabby person when drunk and will latch onto the nearest person and fall asleep. Most nights, this is Meliodas. The first time this happened, Meliodas was a bit uncomfortable, because it was unfamiliar, and tried to bring Ban to bed and to let go. It didn't work. So Meliodas had to sleep in the same bed as him for the night. Thing is, Ban also tends to mumble in his drunken sleep, and confessed to Meliodas that he has a crush on him! It was hard for Meliodas to fall asleep after that... and Ban woke up the next morning with no memory of what happened.

Meliodas is a bit of a blushy mess for a few days afterwards, because on the one hand, he kinda likes Ban back, but on the other, what if it was just drunken babbling and Ban doesn't actually like him like that? If that's the case, then coming onto Ban could ruin their friendship and that's the last thing Meliodas wants to happen.

Eventually though, with enough encouragement from their friends, Ban and Meliodas do end up confessing to each other. Without alcohol this time. Or their friends set them up, like setting up a romantic dinner to finally officially get them together.

#sullina nnt #nnt #nnt melban #melban #nnt meliodas #ban #nnt ban #nantsu no taizai #sds #seven deadly sins

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void-dust-muffin · 1 year

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called out by @egg-exe to list my favorite character from 10 different fandoms.

I. Do not remember names. And I refuse to look anything up. we'll see how this goes.

1) Kal'Tsit from arknights. I've been low key obsessing over the game for a while now, and Kal is definitely one of the coolest characters. Storied past, cold demeanor belying genuine care and kindness for everyone under her, Mon3tr, the team that made her did a good job and she really just exemplifies the strength of the game in general. But I can talk to the moon and back about how stupid good the writing for arknights is, especially considering it's a gacha mobile game, so ill move on

2) Neopolitan from rwby. I fell in love with rwby's setting all the way back when I first watched it. Its unique mix of fantasy and technopunk drew me in and its character concepts have kept me there ever since. Neo probably the most. A mute character being the wisecracking villain's muscle and making her shorter than literally the rest of the cast? Peak. If only they made a character to go with the cool moves.

3) Princess Zelda in Breath of the Wild. Sweetheart's trying her best and facing frustration at every turn. Somebody hug her I'm begging you. (it's me, the sweetheart is her but also me)

4) Jafar Fire Emblem 7. Played the game years ago, loved his character design and his class(crits go brrrrr), but his story is the real selling point. The way he interacts with Nino is so sweet and I have such a soft spot for both of them(technically illegal two faves from one fandom oops).

I had the next one and then I lost it uhhhhh not the one I had but we'll go with

5) I was going to say a different character from portal but then I remembered the boy: Space Core.

6) Riza Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist. Her relationship with the major is so heartfelt and the writer did them so well. If you've never watched it go and do that cuz it's just so well put together.

7) Padparadsha from Houseki no Kuni. God that manga is a train wreck. Phos you walking disaster. I love it. Anywho, pad is an interesting character in an already very interesting cast of characters. Their entire existence, teetering between waking and immobility is an exploration of how much of the gem is required for them to function. how much them can be removed before they just. cease.

8) Waymond from Everything Everywhere All At Once. First off, if you haven't watched the movie, go see it. Second, damn I didn't think anyone would actually read this far. Waymond is such a wholesome man he changes the way the woman going through the infinite possibilities of the multiverse thinks. He finds joy in everything he does and shares it with everyone around him. Not because he's ignorant of the struggles of life, because with happiness they become easier. And the man that played him is just as sweet. At the Oscar's when it was announced as best picture he went up on stage too and was hugging everyone. I would die for him.

9) Finn from the star wars sequel trilogy. As bad as they were, when the force awakens came out I remember seeing it and being excited to see what they would do with a stormtrooper main character. And then they didn't do anything, wasting all of his potential. But if there's one thing I learned from rwby, it's that someone else was just as disappointed and wrote a fanfiction exploring what canon didn't.

And now time for the niche reach.

10) Maven from the web novel Save the Demon King. Maven is the eponymous demon king, a near mythical figure in setting and the last demon alive. He is such a fun character in a fun setting that is very well written. I refuse to say more except for go read it. It's free on tapas and very good.

Honorable Mention:

I did think of Hades the game as a possible fandom but everyone in it is too good. I can't choose. the short list is half the hub area characters and at least three of the gods on top of that

fuckin hell theres an hour down the drain. gotta keep the chain going so uhhhhh @krindenium you're the only other human that I know on this site.

#muffins half baked takes #there goes my reblogs only streak lmao.#egg i expect the second half of your list at some point.#i didnt sit here thinking and typing for an hour because of you when you only did half the challenge

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raging-violets · 2 months

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Hey! So im back onto the BTR train, and rereading Just a Girl for maybe the 50th time now haha ITS SOOO GOOD

I know its been a long time since it was updated and thats totally fine, life happens! But I was wondering in case it doesn't get finished (again, all g), what was the plan with it? Where did the story go?? I've been wondering for years!

Hi!

Thanks so much for the message. I'm glad that you're back on the BTR train and are enjoying some of the older things I've written. Trust me when I say BTR is one of the fandoms I never completely leave and i one I continuously get inspiration for and go back to.

Over the years I planned on finishing Just A Girl (and Just A Boy) and would consistently go back to re-read it and remember what I was going to do with it. So I apologize for keeping everyone in the same boat with that for years and I hope this answer isn't too disappointing, lol.

At the time I was writing it, the rest of the fic was supposed to be where Katie continuously used her smarts to play pranks on Victoria and learn how to really stand on her own as her own person and not really having to hide (so to speak) behind Kendall, Logan, Carlos, James, and Patrick. Because Katie is strong but I also wanted to show that, as a young girl, she did still have insecurities and that her strength we saw on the show was covering up a lot of her struggles with her relationship with her dad, with Kendall's anger with her dad, with Mrs. Knight's working out her marriage to him, being "Kendall's Little Sister", while also being aware it was those things (being Kendall's sister especially as BTR became rich and famous) that would help her put her foot in the door to do what she wanted in life.

That story and some of my previous ones of Katie will never be finished/completed because I don't particularly like the way I wrote her then. Some of it was clear I was a teen/young at the time and it made her really one-dimensional in a lot of ways I didn't want while trying to make her three-dimensional. Along with that I felt it was hard to reconcile the character I knew her to potentially be in comparison to the way she was on the show to that it made her almost a completely different character or an OC all together at points and I struggled to find the happy medium for her instead of swinging too far one way or another.

That being said, my most recent work for her Little Sister, I enjoyed writing more because it had her older but also didn't have to have Kendall and the others around because by that point they would've started living their own lives and I could use it as a way to really focus on Katie. All that to say, if I were to write more Katie-centered fics it'd either be about hers and Kendall's relationship with their dad (and subsequently with each other as the have different views of that relationship) when he comes back into their lives and where Kendall and the other boys would be pretty non-existent except for popping in and out as needed since their age difference would keep them separated and we all know she probably wouldn't actually intertwine herself with their band at all other than being a really big fan of theirs.

I hope that answered your question! Thank you so much for continuing to read my BTR fics, as I said, I do continuously go back and re-read them and have a bunch of them I have started or random scenes from sitting on my laptop that may or may not eventually see the light of day.

As it is, I'm always open to talk about BTR, Katie, and my fics for it!

-Riley

#answered ask #ask #riley rambles #redemption riley #btr #big time rush #katie knight #fic: just a girl

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roloko-karlstein · 2 years

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Sending you your boy rolo for character bingo

My son yas!!!

His character is just as interesting as Totsuka's. Rolo never knew love cause since he was at least 5 (going by his appearance in episode 4 and in background panels in the Oz manga) he grew up a an assassin. Lelouch was the first person who was ever kind to him,but he knew this was only temporary. He craved his love and affection to the point that when someone would try to become in between his relationship with his brother he would resort to murder cause he never knew how to cope with feelings of jealousy aside from that. He probably caught on that Lelouch was just using him not too long after he got his memories back cause of how much Lelouch loves Nunnally that he murmurs in his sleep. Rolo didn't care cause the bond they shared while Lelouch's memories were locked away was real to him that it made him feel like a human instead of just a tool. He sacrificed himself even after Lelouch told him how much he hated him and wanted him dead. He was one of the most loyal characters in Code Geass along with Jeremiah and Guilford.

I usually am afraid to say how much I love Rolo outside of the internet cause most of the western fanbase seems to hate him cause he killed Shirley which when they tell me that in my mind I'm like " She is the worst character in the series and one of the worst anime females I ever had the displeasure or watching in general", but my mouth says "He is too cute for me to hate" followed by a nervous laugh and changing topics real fucking quick. I just do not want to draw attention to myself in public or nerd rage over fictional character in front of non anime fans.

Rolo has far too less screen time and wasted potential its been 10+ years and not novel or manga adaption about the geass cult? Also Taniguchi degrading him to just Shirley's murderer and that is why he didn't want to add him to the movies and I was like so you just accidently wrote a deep character? Have you turned senile the pass 10 years? Also the Code Geass committee made him add Rolo so at least we know that some people on the staff still has his back after all this time.

I'm just really happy he is still getting merch sure its always badges or straps, but I think it means he is popular enough to still make a profit off. You don't see much of any other supporting character as much a him.

Also I was depressed while watching R2 it was one of the couple times where I hit rock bottom and was starving myself and crying and feeling helpless a lot. Its just when I saw Rolo smile in the first episode and I was like who is his kid and why do I love him while I do not even know him. So I stay tuned each week to hope he would have some screen time and when he died I was crushed and I wanted to drop the show, but I changed my mind cause I felt like it would be a disservice to Rolo so I watched the rest of the show and the last 4ish episodes were really good. So he kinda gave me something to look forward to and I got out of that current slump and started eating more for a good few months. So in a way he did kinda save my life so he is very special to me and I get personally offended when people mindlessly bash him even though I know that I shouldn't care, but I do.

I used to be a yaoi fan girl at the time so my OTP was in fact Leloch x Rolo, but after I got out of that phase I was like what was wrong with me? I didn't even like the way he treated him in the first place and I still do this day have never done a complete watchthrough of R2 since its first airing back in 2008. My main ships with Rolo are with Nunnally,Gino, and Suzaku. I just find Lelouch's and Rolo's relationship to be very toxic with Lelouch manipulating Rolo and trying to kill him while Rolo would kill anyone who come in his way of his relationship with Lelouch. I guess I just want to bury myself in lighthearted Rolo content and Nunnally and Gino fanart does just that. Rolo x Nunnally will be my OTP of all OTPS no one will take my dead cold ass hands off this ship instead of the writers coming out and officially 100% say they are in fact half or full siblings.

I'm really hoping for Rolo to return in the new series somehow he deserves to come back also the series is the sequel to the movies so he doesn't really need to redeem himself for Shirley's death since she is alive in this universe so come on lets go! bring him back to us!

#code geass #rolo lamperouge #damn I wrote a lot #guess I just had so much pent up #🤣

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legendary-alliance-stance · 2 years

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Caithe

Oh this one will be interesting!

How I feel about this character

I have extremely complicated feelings about Caithe. Boy howdy do I have complicated feelings about her.

I think she's a very interesting character, especially during the Sylvari personal story! But I also think she gets away with a LOT of shit that the narrative does not call her out on or punish her for at all, and that's really frustrating.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Nnnnno one! She def deserves someone better than Faolain tho. Fuck Faolain.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

As of EoD? I'm becoming a bit fond of her bond with Aurene. But only in EoD. They did way too much telling and not showing with that bond prior to EoD.

My unpopular opinion about this character

OH BOY.

Well, as I said, I think the narrative doesn't call her out on things nearly enough. That's one main thing.

I also think they did a REALLY awful job at portraying her bond with Aurene. We're told that she has a really strong bond with Aurene, that she's like a mother to her... But she is never around when Aurene needs it. A particularly egregious example of this is during PoF, when a still baby Aurene flies off to the desert to find the Commander -- There is zero mention of Caithe, even though we're led to believe that theoretically, she'd be concerned about Aurene, right? If there had been even just a mention of "Caithe is worried and trying to find a way to follow her" would be enough for me. But there isn't, and it really bothers me!

Overall, I think Caithe is a very complicated and interesting character that is not handled by the narrative well AT ALL. She definitely has potential, and I did enjoy her role in EoD (Where she's actually there for Aurene, like she's supposed to be!) but generally I'm not very pleased by how she's written.

Also, disliking Caithe/not enjoying how she's written is neither inherently lesbophobic or misogynistic. I can't believe I have to say that. My feelings, and those of a lot of other people who also feel similar, about her have nothing to do with her being female (and I'm not even going to touch the fact that sylvari are inherently pansexual....), so I think it's very disingenuous/bad faith to accuse anyone of being bigoted simply because they don't enjoy how a character is written, especially when those gripes are not about her being female or gay at all.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I just wish they did better with her bond with Aurene!! It's definitely better in EoD, but prior to that? It felt so much like an informed thing, without enough actual display of it in the narrative.

I also wish that there was more to the Commander calling her out on stealing the egg, that didn't amount to Caithe just going "WELL I wasn't thinking properly because of Mordremoth" and moving on. It's especially egregious with a Sylvari Commander tbh.

#sylvari-bouquet #for the record: I don't like. hate caithe or anything #but i am extremely tired of the very aggressive fans of her accusing everyone of bigotry for daring to not enjoy how she's written #she had potential! she really did! and i'm far more happy with how they wrote her in EoD!#but that doesn't change how displeased I am with her writing prior to EoD #(disclaimer: obviously not all caithe fans are super weird about this lmao)#(i've just encountered some that are REALLY REALLY REALLY aggressive about the topic and it's not at all helped my opinion of caithe)

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dripping-starlight · 2 years

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A new life

Note, Alright Chapter 3!!! We have a small Azriel Pov which I'm really happy about! I'm going to keep it short, I've edited this chapter and the other two so I'd suggest going back and just skimming through them, I didn't make any major changes but re-wrote some small things just to make stuff a bit more clear, but if you don't want to go back you'll be absolutely fine either way. Azriel and Zephyra are obviously mates. They won't figure it out til much later though since they're young and have never really had time in their life to actually think about a potential mate and that kind of future. Words, 1174

Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III, Chapter IIII

Az,

”Gods, she has white wings.” he breathed as he entered his room. He wasn’t really surprised about the wings other than the fact that they were white. He hadn’t thought about it when he first saw her since she’d been running. When it was clear that she was half Illyrian he’d at least considered it but to see them. He thought he was going to die right there and then. White. White wings. Never before had he heard about anything like it. He understood why she’d kept them a secret they weren’t clipped either.

But wings. The question at hand was just exactly how powerful she was though, if she was able to hide them from the world she had to be strong. He hadn’t known about her mother, of course, none of them did, Asteria maybe. But who she was, or been. Unknown, for now. They’d grown close to each other, that much was sure. Cassian didn’t know about her though he’d talk his head off about it if he had known.

He’d guessed it though, her mother's death, it wasn’t hard to figure out. Almost all bastard Illyrians were left without a mother, it was rare for them to survive the birth, and if they did the father normally finished the job.

When he had seen her up there on the roof she’d looked ethereal, like a fallen star. She was breathtaking, that much was obvious. He didn’t understand it. The pull he felt towards her, the need to be close. He had almost lost it when she walked right into him on the stairs, trying to hold onto her for as long as possible. As if he needed her to breathe. When he'd finally pulled himself together and let go, he felt as if a piece of him was left there with her. Every time she laughed with the others he felt as if his heart would burst. Never understanding why. Why would this one female have such an effect on him? Never before had something like this happened?

”Gods.” He breathed out again.

Zephyra,

You woke up to a heavy feeling right next to your body, opening your eyes lying next to you was no other than Asteria, smiling as if she knew about something she shouldn’t.

You sat up, ”What?” You asked her rather reluctantly.

”You were gone last night.” She practically sang, believing she’d stumbled upon some huge secret.

You wouldn’t have to lie, just avoid bringing up Azriel, for both of your sake.

You answered her carefully, ”Yeah… I was on the roof, I needed to see the stars.” Her face fell, you’d told her about your mother and you were pretty sure she realized it’d been last night.

”You could have woken me up y’know.” She took your hand as you laid back down on the bed.

”Yeah I know, but I think I needed to do this by myself, it’s always been just me, after it was me and her. So I think it needed to be just the two of us again. At least this time.” You looked at your friend smiling slightly. Suddenly Asteria’s stomach rumbled, you burst out laughing.

”C’mon it’s time for breakfast and we better get down there before Cassian eats it all.” She laughed as she hauled you out of bed.

Once you were in the kitchen the others were there, except for Azriel. You weren’t surprised, it was rare to see him at breakfast. Cassian as usual was shovelling food into his mouth, grinning as the two of you came over and sat down.

After a while, Azriel came down the stairs, briefly locking eyes with you across the table as he sat down next to Rhys. As far from you as possible. Some part of you hurt seeing him so far away. It was weird, to say the least. The pull you felt towards him.

Asteria nudged you in the side whispering, ”What was that?”

You almost choked on your coffee before you managed to breathe back a, ”Nothing, what are you talking about.”

She just looked at you with a raised brow, ”Sure, nothing.” She mused smiling mischievously. Fuck.

Everyone except for Azriel was eating and laughing, savouring the last of the time they had together before Asteria would go back to Velaris. He kept looking over at you. When he thought that no one would notice. You did though, feeling whenever his eyes were upon you.

”Zeph, are you sure you don’t want to go back to Velaris with me?” Asteria pleaded, grabbing onto your arm. Further down the table, you could hear someone choke as cutlery hit the plate rather harshly.

Everything went quiet as Rhys started patting Azriel’s back, ”Cauldron, Az are you okay?”

”Yeah I’m fine, sorry.” He rasped before he looked up at you. It was only for a second, which was all you needed to make your choice.

”I think I’m staying. I’m not ready to leave the Illyrian camps just yet. Maybe next time?” You looked away from Azriel diverting your attention to Asteria.

She just smiled at you, ”Yeah that’s alright I understand, it’s only for three months either way. Mother will probably let me visit—” She beamed at everyone. It was clear that she’d prefer to stay if she could. You would have liked it better too, ”—besides, you’ll be pretty busy here anyways.” She chimed. It was Cassian’s turn to choke on his food having caught the looks between you and Az and the tone Asteria used.

At that moment her mother entered the room, ”Cassian dear, you have to actually chew your food, we’ve talked about this before —.” You laughed at this. Everyone did, even Azriel smiled. It wasn’t hard to see where Asteria got her sarcasm from. She was identical to her mother in every way, a bit bolder maybe, considering her lack of a filter. ”— I’m sorry to break up this merry gathering but Asteria darling, it’s time to go. Now the rest of you take care of each other, make sure to look after Zephyra. I have a feeling that you might get a visit from the lord of Ironcrest. If you do, you tell him that she belongs to our family now, and if he has something to say about that he can take it up with the high lord of the night court himself.” She smiled.

Reaching her hand out at her daughter, Asteria got up and bid everyone goodbye before she took her mother's hand and left through the front door.

The room went quiet after that. It was as if a light had disappeared from the world. ”So let’s say that the worst thing possible actually happens and your father does come here, what’s he like Zeph?” Cass exclaimed cheerfully looking at you, making Rhys snort.

You stared him dead in the eye as you drawled, ”Oh he’s delightful, you’ll love him.” Smiling sweetly.

"I'm sure I will—" Cassian looked you in the eyes, "—Witch."

#a new life #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #cassian #rhysand #azriel x you #azriel x oc #azriel x reader fluff #azriel fluff #azriel acotar #Azriel x female oc #female oc

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megan-is-mia · 3 years

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Omggg I love your blog!! I'm new here and I'm already so hooked! 😊💖

Could I please request #14 of the monster yandere prompt with Malleus?? With spiciness of NSFW if possible please

XOXO

(I hope you stay hooked cause you’ll be in for a crazy ride, and hell yeah you can get your NSFW. You are lucky cause this fic is loooong) 14. “You know you can’t run from me forever, one day I’ll catch you” (Yandere! Malleus Draconia x Fem! S/o) (WARNING NSFW AND NON-CON AHEAD) ((MILD CHILD GROOMING)) “Malleus do wipe that bitter expression off your face” Lilia said in a scolding tone as he poked the young king whose mouth was fixed in a deep grimace. “I don’t want to, if I must go to this christening then I will but I refuse to pretend that I’m happy about it” Malleus replied folding his arms and looking out the window of the carriage. “You were so excited about going before, why the sudden change?” Lilia said giving the draconic-fae’s face another sharp poke.

“That was before you told me it was in the Enchanted Dominion” Malleus said, the corner of his mouth twitching with the force of his frown. “You know I cannot stand that bratty little prince Dimitri, and now there’s going to be two of them” he added with a shake of his head. The Enchanted Dominion was the kingdom closest to the Valley of Thorns, and because of that considerable effect was put in by both countries to keep their diplomatic relations at least peaceful if not outright friendly. “Actually it seems that King Klaude and Queen Eden were blessed with a little princess this time. I believe they’ve named her (Y/n), for the Queen’s late mother” Lilia said, his lips quirked up into a half-grin as he noticed that Malleus’s posture had relaxed with this additional information. They rode the rest of the way to their destination without any further chatter. The two fae were escorted into the banquet hall where a great celebration was already in process as various dignitaries approached to pay their respects to the baby.

Malleus let out a sigh as he walked up to the cradle where the infant princess lay half-asleep. As he stared down at the baby, he found himself begrudgingly thinking that she was rather cute. Not as cute as Silver had been as a babe, but definitely deserving of the cooing and coddling that had been given to her by all the visitors. Absentmindedly he reached down to stroke the child’s cheek and her little eyes popped open to look up at him. (Y/n) gurgled and tried to grab the fae’s finger in her tiny fist. It was like a switch was flipped inside the draconic-fae at this action by the newborn and he scooped the child up despite the cries of protest from the seated king and queen. (Y/n) continued to gurgle and stared up at Malleus sending him into a trance of sorts as his heart raced with infatuation for the sweet infant. It took Lilia tapping his shoulder for the young fae to finally return to reality and set the babe back in her cradle even as she tried to cling to Malleus’s fingers and began to cry as he walked away. Even as he put distance between himself and the child, the draconic-fae’s mind was filled with thoughts of the infant princess. He remembered nothing of the festivities that followed after everyone had paid their respects to the baby and he thought of nothing but her until the next day. Well, that wasn’t entirely true… even though he forced himself to focus on his responsibilities Malleus still found his mind wandering to the condition of Princess (Y/n) to the point that even Lilia noticed he was out of sorts. It wasn’t until the young king finally sent a messenger, in secret, to the Enchanted Dominion to inquire about the state of the baby princess that he was finally able to get some peace and complete his work for the day. At first, receiving an update once a day about the state of little (Y/n) was enough to satisfy Malleus’s curiosity. However, as the months passed the daily message he received just wasn’t enough anymore. He wanted to see the young princess, see how much she’d already grown in the last four months. Malleus had to fight the urge to simply teleport to King Klaude and Queen Eden’s castle to satisfy his need to see the child. He forced himself to be patient and wrote a formal letter requesting permission to visit the castle under the guise of a diplomatic visit. His request was eventually approved and the day after he was able to finally see little (Y/n) again. She was crawling now and was just as cute as he remembered her being if not more so. It was clear, even now, that the baby princess would be a great beauty when she grew up. Regretfully the dragon-fae wasn’t able to spend as much time as he would have liked with the little princess before he was dragged off on a tour of the castle by the king and queen. However, this brief second encounter with the adorable child confirmed one thing in his mind: Malleus could not wait for another four months to pass by before the next time he saw young (Y/n). He resolved to begin visiting the child in secret so he could watch over her like a benevolent ghost or a faithful shadow. Five years passed by, and Malleus dutifully watched over (Y/n) as she grew from a crawling baby to a waddling toddler and into an energetic little girl. He came to realize that his infatuation with her was not only growing but slowly turning into something not as innocent as it had been originally. The draconic fae knew it’d be only a matter of a few more years before the princess would be old enough to start entertaining potential suitors, and that was assuming that she didn't end up betrothed before that! The very thought of such a thing happening irked him beyond belief. In Malleus’s opinion, no mortal man would ever be worthy of his darling (Y/n). However, there wasn’t much he could do to stop such an event from happening. Unless… he asked for the princess’s hand before anyone else had the chance and secured his claim on his future queen now. That thought should have disgusted him, wanting to take a child as his bride to be. Yet instead it filled him with immense satisfaction when he really took the time to think about it. Really he was the best choice for the princess. Their kingdoms were right next to each other so their union would allow their countries to merge and prosper under their joint rule. Malleus knew that some of the lower-fae might object to having a human queen at first but he was sure they’d come to adore (Y/n) with time. Even though she was still very young, the dragon-fae could tell she would only grow in grace, intelligence, beauty, and maturity as the years went by. He’d already seen it during the times he’d already spent by her side.

When the time came for them to finally wed there would be no way anyone could object to their marriage. Yet before any of that could happen, he had to ask for King Klaude and Queen Eden’s permission to become Princess (Y/n)’s betrothed. When Malleus went to ask for that honor he did not go empty-handed. Oh no, he wanted to make it quite plain to his beloved’s parents that he’d make for a suitable husband with extravagant courting gifts as he made his request. However, the king and queen did not respond the way he’d hoped they would. Instead of being impressed by the gifts and his heartfelt request they were disgusted by his intentions towards their second-child. Malleus’s eyes narrowed as these pathetic mortals tried to lecture him about how reprehensible they found his offer to be. They threatened death upon him as well as war on his people if they ever caught wind of him getting anywhere close to the young princess again. Malleus found himself consumed by rage and teleported back to the Valley of Thorns unaware that his wrath had taken corporeal form as green flames that sprouted where he’d been standing last before spreading like an actual wildfire through the castle ravaging objects and killing people in its wake. When news of the terrible disaster came to the young king the next day he found himself desperately hoping that (Y/n) had somehow survived the terrible blaze.

Sadly this was not to be. While King Klaude, Queen Eden, and Prince Dimitri had managed to get out alive, the little princess had been consumed in the inferno before it had been successfully extinguished and the Enchanted Dominion held a funeral for their dearly departed princess a week later. Even Malleus attended the event albeit in disguise. He was far from ready to face the reality that (Y/n) was truly dead nor was he ready to handle the accusations from the king and queen for his crime.

Malleus spent the next decade and a quarter in a deep depression. What was the point of living when you had nothing to live for? He ate little, slept little, and tried to keep his mind busy with work improving the Valley of Thorns. Alas, there were still times when his mind was filled with thoughts of (Y/n) especially when the anniversaries of her death and christening passed by each year. This year would have marked the princess’s eighteenth birthday, the year she’d finally have been old enough to wed. Overcome with sorrow the young king disappeared in the forest that covered the border between the Enchanted Dominion and the Valley of Thorns to wander aimlessly until his mind would finally allow him some peace. When suddenly a beautiful voice caught Malleus’s ear and made him stand straight at attention. The voice was clear as the call of a songbird and soft like the jingle of sleigh bells. The draconic-fae found himself drawn to the voice, determined to find out what its source was. Malleus followed the voice all the way to a glen with a cottage situated at the center but it wasn’t the cottage that truly interested the dragon-fae at this moment. No, his interest was for the figure who had been singing all this time. For a moment, he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him; there was no way the scene unfolding before him was really happening. There in the glen, looking like she didn’t have a care in the world… was Princess (Y/n). Not as he remembered her, but how he’d imagined she’d one day be. Beautiful and graceful as can be, (Y/n) sang for all the world to hear as she walked away from the cottage and toward where Malleus was standing in the shadows of the trees. As she drew closer the young fae was able to see the burned flesh of her left cheek and right arm clear as day. Malleus felt rage begin to bubble in his stomach, he’d been lied to all this time. The princess hadn’t died in the fire he’d created! They’d hidden her away in the forest probably in an effort to make him stop pursuing her. “So this is where they’ve been keeping you all these years… clever” Malleus said, stepping out from where he’d been standing in concealment and making the young woman shriek with surprise. “Hello (Y/n), you’re looking quite lively for someone who supposedly died in a fire thirteen years ago” he added with a smirk as the girl stared at him with bug-eyed disbelief. “Come on, I know you can speak. I just heard you singing quite beautifully before you knew I was here” he finished before going silent to await her response. “King Draconia! How’d you find me?!” (Y/n) said with undisguised horror. She’d spent most of her childhood and teenage years in fear that the dragon fae would locate her. The great fire he’d caused was one of her only vivid memories of her youth and had been the basis of many nightmares when she’d first been brought out into the forest. Her parents had been planning to marry her to a foreign prince this year and she would never have to worry about being in the crosshairs of a fae again. “Fate my dear child of man, we are meant to be together and so fate made it so” Malleus said coolly as he advanced on (Y/n) and grabbed her wrist as the girl’s eyes darted from side to side as she tried to formulate an escape plan. “ (Y/n), I would advise against trying to flee from me for you’d only be postponing the inevitable. You know you can’t run from me forever. One day I’ll catch you, and the longer it takes for that day to come the more pain you’ll cause both yourself and your family” he warned softly. “What do you want from me?” (Y/n) asked quietly even though she already knew the answer to that question. “The same thing I’ve always wanted from you. I want you to be my wife. I need a queen to rule by my side and I want that queen to be you” Malleus said calmly as he pulled the young woman against his chest and wrapped his other arm around her waist to keep her there. “And what if I don't want to be your wife or your queen?” (Y/n) said hesitantly and received a patronizing laugh from the dragon-fae in answer to her question. “I’ll raze the Enchanted Dominion to the ground and still take you as my bride. I’m giving you a choice to either accept your destiny with dignity or to cause massive suffering for your kingdom through a refusal of your destiny” Malleus said gently but firmly making it clear that there was no choice, not really. “I’ll marry you… and I promise not to fight” (Y/n) said quietly, letting her head flop forward to rest against the fae king’s chest. She was dimly aware of him pressing his lips against her forehead before everything went dark. Malleus cast a minor sleeping spell upon (Y/n) with a kiss to her forehead. He knew that she was probably trying to process everything that had just happened and wanted to ease the process by letting her rest for the time being. He teleported the two of them back to his castle and into his chambers where he gently tucked the young woman under the covers with another kiss to her forehead before leaving the room. As much as Malleus wanted to stay by (Y/n)’s side and bask in her beauty, his kingly duties called.

First thing, first he needed to tell Lilia the joyous news and start the preparations for the wedding. He found the older fae hanging around one of the attics in the castle and gleefully told him of his discovery in the woods. Lilia was overjoyed to see his ward smiling again after so many years of sorrow and he eagerly agreed to oversee the arrangements for Malleus and (Y/n)’s wedding. He shooed the young fae away telling him to not worry about it and that he’d handle the specifics of the matter. Next thing to do was sending a wedding invitation to King Klaude and Queen Eden. He kept it simple and didn’t reveal the identity of his bride until the final sentence of the invitation. Malleus handed the letter off to a messenger and sent them off to the Enchanted Dominion to deliver it to his future in-laws. The draconic-fae spent the rest of the day buzzing through his paperwork with a vigor he hadn’t shown in years. By the time the sun had set, Malleus was finished with his work and retired eagerly to his chambers where (Y/n) awaited him.

As he locked the door behind him, the dragon-fae smiled to himself. The princess was still deeply asleep from his spell and there was a little smile on her face. Malleus sat on the bed and ran his fingers through (Y/n)’s hair and found himself memorized by her beauty. The burn-marks on her face and arm did not detract from her good locks, if anything they made her even more beautiful in his eyes. He still wished that things had turned out differently and that he had been granted her hand when he’d asked all those years ago. However, Malleus couldn't say he was totally unhappy with how things had turned out. Sure, (Y/n) was afraid of him for now, but with time she’d come to see how much he loved her and fall just as madly in love with him as he was madly in love with her. The young king was certain of it, he would make the princess a happy bride, happy wife, and happy queen in time. The young fae was pulled from his thoughts by the young woman moving in her sleep and letting out a soft whimper It was clear that (Y/n)’s sweet dreams had now turned into a nightmare and Malleus dispelled the enchantment he’d placed upon the young woman allowing her to wake up from her terrible dream. The young woman blinked slowly and looked around her with an expression of confusion on her features. The draconic-fae did not speak, allowing his darling human to take in the features of the room as he continued to stroke her hair soothingly as she did so. “How do you feel child of man? I’m sorry for the abrupt waking but you were having a nightmare” Malleus asked and felt the princess suddenly stiffen as if she only just remembered who she was in bed with. The young fae let out a sigh as he pulled down the covers and pulled (Y/n) out and up into his lap. “Relax my dear (Y/n), everything is alright, your bad dreams cannot hurt you anymore” he said softly pressing his nose against the nape of the young woman’s neck.

“King Draconia… Did you… did we? While I was…” (Y/n) trailed off her face turning bright red with embarrassment as she tried to articulate her question. Malleus found it adorable how easily flushed the matter made her. He knew humans took such interpersonal relationships more seriously than the fae did and he couldn't resist teasing his sweet human a little over it. “Did I deflower you while you were asleep?” he asked bluntly, making the girl blush even more as she nodded her head.

“What do you think? Do you think I took your innocence already?” the fae crooned, enjoying the way the young woman squirmed at his words and her skin began to heat up from how flustered she was. “Be at ease, I was only teasing you a bit. Your virtue is still very much intact my dear child of man” Malleus said with a chuckle. “And that is how it will remain until our wedding night my love so worry not. I promise to not lay a finger on you until then” he finished pressing a kiss to (Y/n)’s chin. “King Draconia—” a finger was placed over (Y/n)’s lips. “— (Y/n), I’d prefer it if you called me by my first name. We’re going to be married after all so you might as well start getting used to it” Malleus interrupted gently. “Malleus” the young woman said, not quite sure she liked the way the word sounded in her mouth. “Malleus... how long until we are to be wed?” she said even though she didn’t really want an answer to her inquiry. Maybe if the date was far enough in the future, she’d have a chance to escape and warn her family. “We will be wed by the end of the week my dear” Malleus replied, his words chilling (Y/n) to the core. “E-eh-end of the week?! That’s way too soon! We hardly know each other, we can't get married yet! I already agreed to marry you, can’t we take it slowly?” the princess said frantically with obvious dismay in her voice. “I have already been forced to wait thirteen years for you to reach maturity my dear child of man. So on the contrary, I think the end of the week is not soon enough” the fae replied with a small frown. “But, but… I’m not ready to be queen” (Y/n) said desperately. “I can’t be queen! Look at me!” the princess added frantically gesturing at her burnt face and then looking back at Malleus with a pleading look. “I am looking at you (Y/n), and what I see is the soon-to-be Queen of Thorns” the fae said resting his chin on the girl’s shoulder. “You have nothing to worry about, I will be by your side every step of the way through this experience you have my word” he finished as he pressed kisses to her collarbone. (Y/n)’s mouth opened again, but no words came out. What else could she say? The fae’s mind had been made up and there was nothing she could say to change it. Sure she could try running away, but doing such a reckless thing was sure to backfire on her. Even if she got away, Malleus would undoubtedly go after her family and take out his rage on them. The princess felt tears welling up in her eyes and soon her cheeks were damp as the tears began streaming down like little rivers on her face. Malleus forced her to turn around in his lap so he could wipe the tears away and spoke what he must have thought were words of comfort but only brought despair to (Y/n) who sobbed until she was out of energy and passed out in the fae’s lap. The next few days were a blur to the princess, between the lectures on fae etiquette in the morning and being forced to accompany Malleus when he held court each afternoon there was hardly a moment of peace for the young woman.

The only relatively quiet moments (Y/n) got were the three hours in the evening during the dress-fittings for her wedding gown. The seamstress had the tact not to ask about the burns that covered the princess’s left cheek, upper back, right arm, lower abdomen, and left leg. The young woman knew the fae wanted to ask questions but appreciated that she did not voice them. Instead putting her energy into making sure the dress would fit (Y/n)’s conservative tastes and cover her marred skin. The day of the wedding finally arrived with the finishing touches being put on the dress even as (Y/n)’s face was caked in make-up and her hair was pulled back into an elegant updo. Since her father King Klaude would probably not be in attendance, the ancient fae Lilia Vanrouge had volunteered to be the one to walk the young woman down the aisle and was permitted to help with getting her into the freshly completed gown. Once everything was laced up the girl was permitted to see herself in a mirror. “Well I’ll be, you look exquisite” Lilia commented as he watched the girl stare at her reflection with wide eyes. (Y/n) found herself overwhelmed with sorrow. The woman in the glass looked like a regal queen, not the terrified teenager she knew she was under the makeup and dress she wore. For a moment despite how ridiculous it was, she considered trying to run for it now. However, Lilia’s hand clamping down on her arm and gently guiding out of the room put an end to that notion. (Y/n) let herself be led down the aisle to where Malleus stood with an eager grin at the altar. Distantly she was aware of the sounds of screaming. The princess turned her head and locked eyes with her mother Queen Eden. She wanted to run to her mother and hide her face in the familiar warmth and aroma of cinnamon that clung to the queen’s clothes. However, she couldn’t move a muscle, whether it was because she was frozen with fear or it was because Malleus had bewitched her… she’d never know. When the time came to recite her vows there was no passion behind the young woman’s words, which were in vast contrast to the dragon-fae’s impassioned oaths that had been spoken only moments before hers. They exchanged rings and kissed before (Y/n) was swept off her feet by Malleus and carried up to his chambers before being dropped on his bed. She watched as the fae fumbled to undo the tie on his dress shirt before giving up and just ripping it off before sitting on the bed and kissing her again. This kiss was worlds different from the one they’d just shared at the altar and all the ones he’d given her over the past six days. This kiss was hungry, and it would not be easily satisfied. (Y/n) tried to pull away from the liplock but Malleus’s arm wrapped around her waist keeping her close as he forced his tongue into her mouth and ran it over the roof of her mouth, inside of her cheeks before darting under her tongue in what he probably thought was a playful move. (Y/n)’s vision was starting to go dark from lack of air when Malleus finally pulled back before flipping her over to start unlacing her dress before running out of patience and just tearing the back open so he could feel her skin under his hands. He had planned on taking his time originally, it was going to be his darling’s first time with a man and he did not want to hurt her unnecessarily. However, she looked so intoxicating it was hard to hold himself back and not just rip everything off so he could bend her over and fuck her. He had to force himself to take a few deep calming breaths as (Y/n) quivered beneath him. With his head a bit clearer now, Malleus slowly pulled the top half of the dress down to the young woman’s hips as he peppered kisses down her spine. He sat back on his heels and began unbuttoning his shirt and jacket so he could shrug them off onto the floor beside the bed. The dragon-fae gently rolled (Y/n) onto her back once more before bringing her hands up to his lips so he could kiss them. “I love you” he said in a low purr as he continued to press kisses to the girl’s fingers and gazed down at her with his cheeks now a faint shade of pink. “I love you so much” Malleus added, adjusting his grip so he could pull (Y/n) up into a seated position and kiss her again. He let go of her hands but kept kissing her as he wrapped his arms around her waist and began laying back so she’d fall on top of him. One of the fae’s hands crept down to cup at the curve of the young woman’s ass before lightly squeezing it.

(Y/n) threw her head back and let out a soft squeak at the sudden grope to her rear before hiding her face against Malleus’s neck. The young king smirked to himself as he squeezed again this time with a bit more force, and received a second adorable sound from the girl as her cheeks turned red with embarrassment. Not wanting to waste any more time undressing her, Malleus snapped his fingers making (Y/n)’s dress vanish into thin air and leaving her with nothing but her undergarments to preserve her modesty. The young woman tried to squeeze herself flat against the fae, shivering from how drafty the room was as well as the fear she felt coursing through her veins. Malleus allowed her to lay like that for a few moments before he coaxed her head up for more kisses. He slipped a hand under the cup of her bra so he could grope her chest experimentally. (Y/n) wasn’t the most well-endowed but the bounty she did have was more than enough in his eyes. He playfully pinched her nipple enjoying the way she twitched in response to his touch. The dragon-fae’s other hand retook its place on the young woman’s rump, squeezing roughly before slipping in between her thighs to press his nails against the fabric of her panties and tease her clit underneath. (Y/n)’s body twitched again, this time more violently and the fabric of her panties became damp from the stimulation she was receiving. Malleus pulled back from the kiss to chuckle at this cute response and continued his teasing until the young woman was shaking like a leaf with her eyes rolled back from his ministrations. (Y/n) wasn’t completely oblivious to the carnal pleasures of the body. She’d experimented quite a bit when she was first going through puberty. Yet all of that had been on her own, it was something else entirely to have her body manhandled by someone who knew what they were doing and wasn’t afraid to get a bit rough with her. Thankfully Malleus’s fingers went still and fell from between her legs to rest on the bed as his face contorted into an expression of thoughtfulness before he brought that hand up to her chest With a hand already under her shirt, it was easy for the young fae to pull the princess’s brassiere up and off her body before tossing it aside onto his shirt and jacket on the floor. Malleus pressed his face between (Y/n)’s breasts inhaling her unique aroma of raspberry and blackberry. His tongue flicked out from his mouth as he licked up the valley betwixt her boobs lapping at her delightfully, soft skin before reluctantly pulling back so he could reposition the girl into facing away from him with her legs straddling his chest. The young woman was perplexed momentarily by this sudden shift in position before her eyes focused in on the bulge in the fae-king’s pants and felt his hand on her back forcing her to bend forward. (Y/n) braced an arm on the bed next to Malleus’s thigh and with the other, she shyly ran her fingers over his clothed erection. Her move was rewarded with a soft growl and she repeated it a few times before a squeeze to her leg told her that more effort was necessary.

Timidly she undid the buttons to the draconic-fae’s pants and let out a yelp at his boner, no boners sprung free. (Y/n) stared bug-eyed at the twin dongs with a bewildered expression before jolting as her panties were ripped off and something wet touched her clit. Malleus’s free hand pat her butt to remind her of what she was supposed to be doing before it trailed down to the nape of her neck and gently pushed down on it so her face was now brushing against the dragon’s double cocks. Taking the hint she stuck her tongue out to give one of dicks a cautionary lick. The other she ran her fingers over tentatively. Malleus let out a purr and thrust his tongue into her cunt in answer to her inexperienced touches. (Y/n) was starting to understand what was being asked of her and responded accordingly, shyly taking the head of one member into her mouth and the other into her fist before slowly taking more of the fae’s cock until it was all the way in and someway down her throat. She went still for a moment, letting her oral chamber get used to the feeling before she pulled back a little and repeated the process with her hand moving in time to her mouth. While she jerked and blew the dragon-fae, he, in turn, fingered and tongue-fucked. Malleus knew if he wasn’t careful and didn’t probably stretch (Y/n) out beforehand he’d only hurt her instead of pleasing her. His free hand trailed down from her neck to tease her chest again causing the girl to choke a little on his rod. Slowly (Y/n) managed to find a rhythm to her movements and was able to disassociate somewhat from what was happening to her. Of course, it wasn’t possible to completely dissociate with Malleus’s mouth and fingers in her pussy but she was going to take what she could get. Her brain was going a bit hazy now, the combination of being eaten out and having a cock down her throat making her vision go blurry before she felt something burst inside her and she came all over the young fae’s face. A moment later she felt his cocks twitching in her mouth and hand, this was the only warning she got before she found herself coated in cum both inside and out. She had no choice but to swallow the dragon’s load as he lazily licked up her fallen juices and gave her cunt a quick swipe with his tongue to make sure he got everything. (Y/n) pulled off Malleus’s cock and tried to wipe off the cum on her face and hand on the mattress with little success before she was abruptly forced onto her back again. The fae-king stared down at his wife’s flushed face and felt both his heart and cocks twitch at the adorable sight before him. Malleus positioned himself between (Y/n) legs and lightly pressed the heads of his cocks against her now well-prepped pussy. He smiled at her as he began to slowly sink into her inviting depths. The young woman let out a whine, even though she’d already stretched out by the fae’s fingers and tongue it still wasn’t enough to make this part completely painless. Thankfully Malleus took his time sheathing himself, running his hands over (Y/n)‘s skin and pressing kisses to help her relax and take him without injury. The princess’s legs were wrapped loosely around the young king’s hips and her hands had balled into fists that caused her nails to dig into her palms so they were bleeding a little. The fae went still when he noticed this and clicked his tongue scoldingly before he reached down to force her fingers to uncurl from clenched fists “If you need something to grip onto, may I offer these instead?” he crooned bringing her hands up to his horns and gently encouraging her to grab tight to them before resuming the task of slowly burying himself inside the girl’s cunt. (Y/n)’s hands tensed up on Malleus’s horns and she began babbling nonsensically for him to stop. The fae-king ignored these ramblings as his mouth latched onto one of the young woman’s boobs and began to suck lightly as he finally bottomed out inside her. Malleus did not move until (Y/n)’s breathing had stabilized again and her body had finally relaxed again. He pulled back a little, and thrust forward striking her sweet spot directly and making her body arched up into his. The fae repeated this motion again and again with varying speed and intensity. Sometimes it was slow and gentle, sometimes it was fast and rough, and sometimes it was somewhere in between. Regardless it didn't take long until the young woman was babbling for a very different reason. To the fae-king’s delight, his darling human’s hips pushed back against his needily which only egged him on into being wilder and wilder with her. His teeth dug into her neck, her chest, any flesh he could get his mouth on was soon covered in marks. It made for a fitting contrast the burn-marks of passionate rage and the bite-marks of raging passion to cover his beloved one. Even better when (Y/n)’s fingers fell from Malleus’s horns they found a new perch in his shoulders and he let out a lusty growl as she bit down on his shoulder. The two drove each other closer and closer to that coveted high of orgasm before finally going over the edge in a fit of moans and groans that shook the very walls. Neither party spoke for a long while, too busy trying to catch their breaths as the horny haze over them began to clear. Malleus finally gathered the strength to gently pull out, his cocks flopping limply against the mattress as their exit was followed by a gush of cum flowing out of (Y/n)’s ruined cunt. The fae gently scooped the escaping jizz back into his darling’s pussy making her whimper weakly at this attentional stimulation to her already oversensitive body. Malleus chuckled softly as he pressed a kiss to her forehead and grabbed a plug from the nightstand beside the bed. Carefully pressing it against (Y/n)’s gaping cunt until it slipped it and prevented any more cum from dripping out and ruining the sheets. He had a second reason for doing such a thing of course. He knew that the sooner they had a child the better. A babe of their two people was sure to put an end to any objections that the princess’s parents might attempt to raise against him for taking what was his. Malleus knew that the human king and queen wouldn’t dare try to start war if there was an unborn grandchild they might put at risk. Plus… he wanted to be a father, a real father. As he pulled (Y/n) under the covers with him, his mind was full of thoughts of their future together as the King and Queen of Thorns… THE END

#Yandere Malleus Draconia #Malleus Draconia #Yandere TWST #TWST #Yandere Twisted Wonderland #Twisted Wonderland

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hedgefairy · 2 years

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Bridgerton Season 2, Episode 1: Here we go again (why)

After giving up on my recaps of season one because there are more fun things than thinking about this clusterfuck I thought I might as well try again with season two. I'm watching this while sewing, so we'll see how much of it will actually register in my brain. Fun!

Before I even press play I see the eldest Bridgerbro emerging from a lake with his thin white shirt clinging to his body. I'd like to have that muslin, please, but also, somebody was obviously obsessed with the 2005 Pride and Prejudice in their teens, eh (I had a friend like that, too)?

Oh, look, a recap. Let's establish again that Eloise has no manners because she's not like other girls, that Lady Whistleblower is a thing, that Daphne is the most boring sex offender ever (eugh) and that Simon is a hottie with mediocre writing. Also, the Queen is a bit of a bitch (can we have some George IV, please? He was fun!), Bridgerbro A has all the ~responsibilities~ and can't live up to his fullest fucktwit potential (he does try, however) and there was that Fake Pregnancy Tragic Jealousy Youngest Bridgerbro-Marina-Unfortunately Dressed Girl Love Triangle arc thing. I forgot almost all the names, it's gonna be great.

Let's skip the recap, it's boring and I have fabric to cut.

So we start out with Eloise emerging (beautifully, of course) from her chambers in her debut-meet the queen-be declared a diamond of the first water dress, but the maids seem really distressed. Nobody cares about the staff in this series!

The queen quips that she hasn't heard a word of Lady Whistledown since last season. Clever! She also comes to the groundbreaking conclusion that Whistleblower is probably someone from the upper class! As if the staff didn't have better things to do, even if I'd be fully satisfied with someone spilling all the tea on their superiors, I'd watch that.

We're back in the Featherington household who's in mourning, because Lord F got shivved back in Season 1. This doesn't make the dresses less un-fucking-flattering on Penny, because now there's no pattern to break up the surface, but I am spotting a nice Halloween orange-black stripe on one of her sisters, so that's nice (it would have been nicer if Penny could have had some of that, too).

The eldest Bridgerbro has had a haircut and looks far less Regency-ish now. I'm disappointed. Now he's boring as well as a horrible fuckboy. Eloise gets rescued from being introduced to the queen and deemed less of a diamond than Daffy by the newest gossip girl post Whistledown letter being carried in, and the monarch is far more into the society's dirty laundry than watching a girl squirm in a formal setting.

And this thirst for tea concludes the first episode, accompanied by a "Dearest Gentle Reader, did you miss me", which I should totally adopt for these re...

Oh, wait, there's the intro. That was only the first six minutes.

Welcome to Bridgerton, Series 2, I guess.

Dearest Gentle Reader, did you miss me? Also, can I just have a series on the adventures of the street urchin (or course, polished in disney park-esque Bridgerton fashion, no dirt anywhere, not here, no, gentlefolks) who delivers the Whistleblower Gossip Girl leaflets?

The actress of Penny gets to break out her native Irish accent - if you want more of that, give a listen to Whistle Through the Shamrocks, which she also co-wrote and co-produced - while we get to see behind the scenes of the Lady Whistledown operations. Turns out, the Irish maid of Lady Gossip Girl actually does care about the lower classes. Nice.

Back at the Bridgerbore House we see Eloise, who must be seventeen or so at this point and is played by someone of my vintage (cool, I could still play a teen, that's so reassuring!), endure dance lessons with a twelve-year-old as her partner. Aren't there enough older brothers around that seem to have nothing better to do? Then again, with Regency dances, the height doesn't matter anyway. I'm just happy to see more of the younger Bridgertons, because we don't really know them yet and they might prove interesting enough to get invested.

Followed by some exposition where Ducktail Colin is hanging out at the moment, apparently he's chilling in Albania. Eloise's hair looks so much better this season! On the other hand, Lady B's dress looks like a Seventies house coat, and not the good kind.

Antony is holding auditions for a wife. We get - pretty people pleaser who keeps adding to her potential number of children to win the guy's approval - overwhelmed 1940s time traveller - harp lesbian who doesn't read -probably not the 80s coiffed blonde who's bed he's just getting out of (he's got a nice ass but gives bad tips) - about fourteen year-old polyglot overachiever (is it problematic that she's played by an asian actress?) (you can do so much better, girl) - someone who actually has a face and prefers a quadrille over him - a girl who is pretty creative and even MAKES HER OWN HATS CAN I DATE HER WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM BRIDGERBRO? - another non-elegible badly tipped sexworker (brunette) and that's it. He seems quite anal about it and he has a list of questions. And he actually has to work to keep up the estate for once, which I find an adequate punishment for his existence as a whole. This tires him out so much that he has to have a somber trot around the park in the early morning hours (after tipping badly). This is when we see someone who obviously knows how to handle a horse gallop across the glen, but because the person is wearing a skirt our Bridgerbro instantly thinks she's having trouble with her car mount. She's obviously into the chase (and we love a hooded cape-on-horse situation) and, I admit, very fucking hot. Wait, is she that one girl from Sex Education? Makes sense, she was already super pretty there.

She's too cool for you, man.

Also, stop mansplaining.

Apparently Too Awesome For Antony (who's name seems to be Kate, but I'll keep referring to her as TAFA) is a guest of Lady Danbury's, together with her mother and younger sister. Bridgerton is a very dad-less series.

She has a corgi (negative points for Danbury for looking at him in a non-dog-adoring way). Named Newton. She's definitely too good for the fuckbro.

"Her Majesty is most... discerning, you understand" Translation: "She's a straight-up bitch, but she's fun to gossip with" - Lady Danbury

TAFA is 26, which makes her an old maid in the Bridgerverse, but she's too awesome to care, and I hereby vote on her staying single, or, if she desperately must wed the Idiot, her divorcing him shortly after and continuing being cool on her own with only casual very bisexual adventures. Yeah? Yeah.

She's also a super supportive older sister and they seem to have a really sweet bond. That's what I want to see, thank you! TAFA keeps telling Danbury off for thinking anything less than stellar of her little sister, which I think is such a boss move - Danbury is cool, don't get me wrong, but she's a bit of a meddler and not informing herself of the girls' education is a gross oversight that I feel is a bit out of character for a schemer like her?

We get some bestie time with Eloise and Penny, and while Eloise's hat is weird (what is it with the midcentury stuff this season?) I kind of enjoy playing them off each other's characteristics. Also, mourning doesn't seem to be a thing outside the Featherington house? Is it over already? How long has it been? What is Time?!

Speaking of the Featheringtons, their lady's maid still looks like a cheap copy of Downton Abbey's O'Brian. WTF is up with that.

TAFA and her sister attend the first ball of the season. There's the Vitaming String version of Material Girl playing in the background, ironically so, because just a minute ago TAFA told her sister that fortune and title are no useful pointers to a partner's qualities. Danbury, however, does the song justice and basically draws up a financial spreadsheet for all the eligible bachelors and widowers she can find.

Enter the Bridgerblerghs, I enjoy Benedict (can he get some screen time and a boyfriends, please), Eloise is okay, Antony I don't like and Lady B is embarassing him by shouting about the room that he's in need of a wife. Parents, am I right?

Apparently TAFA's and Edwina's mum has some sort of scandal attached to her because all the evil mothers (which, of course, excludes Lady B) are gossipping away at her sight. Oh gasp, she apparently married a commoner who already had a kid (TAFA, that you?) and her parents totally disowned her for that, at least mentally.

As a side quest we get Lady Featherington being not-so-subtly bitched at by the parents of the guy wooing one of her daughters, including jabs at her short mourning period (the colour of her dress is stunning for her, I have to admit). She's playing the Recently Widowed card to get out of them asking for her daughters dowry (maybe not the place for that, in a public place and all, can't you make appointments for that?) which she can't pay because she's broke because her husband gambled everything away and then got shivved for it and not she's got to wait for some unknown distant cousin or somesuch to take over the estate and the paying of things.

TAFA and Edwina get introduced to some stuck-up looking guy who's about twice the length of Edwina (there's also a dude with unruly red hair who seems to always get the shorter end of the stick, we'll see if he gets to be more than a background joke). Danbury and TAFA keep bitching at each other (well, the bitching is mostly on Danbury's part) while we get some exposition on societal rules.

Somewhere between the curtains that lavishly decorate the location Penny is casually eavesdropping on gossip for her next column. Eloise drops by, pursued not by a bear but two suitable young men who would read every wish from her eyes if she didn't rebuke them. She apparently just scribbled Lord Byron or other celebs onto every line of her dance card, which I think is funny, and I'd like to see that encounter.

All the while, TAFA is already looking kinda sadly at the guy she is TAF, and while he's outside with his frat bro fellow bachelors (the phrase "wed, bed and bred" occurs and I feel a bit sick but it would be a shame because I had really nice cheese cake for breakfast) she is, of course, also stepping out. We've all been there at parties, trying to casually stalk a guy we much later realise we're much too good for. TAFA overhears this horrible bullshit and still isn't appalled because Bridgerbro said he wants a wife with some brain and wit, and because hormornes suck she's probably thinking something along the lines of "hey, that's me!". She trips over something, he hears she's there and it's all rather uncomfortable and a bit cringe. However, she tears him a new one for being a sexist idiot and thinking that anyone who meets his standards would actually want anything to do with his sorry ass.

Nice.

She compares his character to his horsemanship (which is sufficient) and leaves him standing there like the complete idiot that he is, and of course he's intrigued now. I mean, who wouldn't be, but does it have to be that guy? I'd be okay for her to marry Benedict, even if I still have hopes for him to be queer! Just not Aaaantony.

Back inside we have some more Eloise and Penny, and while Penny wants to sneak off on Gossip Girl business Eloise tells here that she's happy to have her and with her never has to be alone. If that's not a hidden sapphic confession I don't know what is. Just let her be a lesbian? Please? Can you spare some queerness, sir? *begs in London street urchin*

Benedict is a brat to his mum and I love him for that.

The aftermath of the ball (which TAFA left in a hurry, probably because the eldest Bridgerbro is an idiot) is narrated by Lady Whistleblower, and we see said Bridgerbro burning a program of the opera singer he still dated last season who had not been mentioned again.

I'm so annoyed by the whole "diamond" business. What is this, Topmodel? Just as annoyed and bored are the youngest two Bridgertons who I hope go and run away with the circus because that's always fun and I think we could use some of that aesthetic here. Oh fuck, no, that's not the two youngest, it's Eloise and Background Joke Bloke, he just looked so nervous that I mistook him for her twelve year-old brother. Poor boy. Fittingly, he goes off to play marbles with the actual two youngest in a corner, good for him!

We also see the return of the milliner/dressmaker with the fake French accent from last season. Didn't Benedict have a thing with her? Yeah, he did, and she's not interested in rekindling that. He continues to be a brat to Antony, rightfully so. More of that, please, the guy needs roasting.

God, I hate Antony so much. "I'm looking for perfection", yeah, but Perfection isn't looking for you, so sod off.

While in the Bridgerton household people are annoying but happy, the Featheringtons continue to struggle, with Lady F even trying to sell Penny's books. The middle sister keeps pestering Penny about what she's writing and is generally insufferable, and we learn where the Whistleblower pages are hidden (it's a floornboard).

Lady Danbury is a smoker. She is also telling TAFA that she knows all about her morning rides and accuses her of an ulterior motive in coming to London. Also, yes, TAFA is the commoner's daughter. Turns out, her step-grandparents will provide for her mother and her sister's dowry, but only if the latter marries a good English lad with a title because they still have commoner trauma from their daughter. TAFA rants on how she would, if she could, marry for her families safety and how English tea is horrible if you grew up in India. Danbury seems to be able to respect that and sets out to scheme Edwina into The Diamond *da-da-daaaaaah* It certainly doesn't help that the queen apparently took the girls' mother's departure from London all those years ago as a personal insult and continues bitching at her.

Benedict continues to be a lovably sarcastic fuck as Eloise fumbles through her introduction with the queen, accidentally making a good impression. Afterwards the queen bee (Cressida!) and her cheerleaders come to her and Penny's uncool kids table to woo her into becoming one of them, but Eloise proclaims that she's rather die. Penny and her share a nice moment in a field of daffodils which I distinctly remember from my childhood as being full of ants, so that must be uncomfortable. Penny almost confesses to being Gossip Girl and Eloise talks about how being perfect Daffy's sister is no fun at all. The scene is lovely, and I get it when Penny talks about being invisible and that being fun, too. Also, that's a really cute dress on her for once, I love the stars! (Also strong roommates vibes, I approve.)

What I don't approve of is the switch back to the ballroom and the queen. And the season's diamons iiiiiiiisssss... *drumroll*

EDWINNIE! Good for her!

The look of disbelief, relief and love that the sisters share upon this announcement is so cute, they play this dynamic so well, it's a shame that Antony Bridgerton is in this show. Who can't do anything but step up and insert himself in the scene of Edwina shaking hands with the queen because of course he wants to marry ~The Diamond~ even though she looks like she's fourteen and scared. And their first fucking interaction is him asking her about her thoughts about having fucking children, what the fuck is wrong with you?! God, this all seems so wrong.

In lack of a father (again, everything is very dad-less) older Bridgerbro needs to get the blessing of Edwinas sister to marry her (five minutes after meeting her for the first time, this is some Disney princess level bullshit right there) who, as we already know, is none other than TAFA.

Some cringes later the camera switches to the Featherington home to show a pile of old shit, hat boxes and taxidermied bears which, to be honest, could be mine. The new heir has finally arrived.

He looks like a grown-up, handsome Michael Cera?

And he's funny. This is the stuff I want to see!

For once Lady Whistledown and I are of one mind when she calls out the ludacrisy of the whole diamond business. And with this rare occasion, the episode is finally over.

Good for you if you made it to this point! But beware, it's...

...to be continued

Rating: Three diamonds out of a liquor cabinet

Series I'd rather watch: - Dishing Out and Serving Tea: Downstairs Gossip Girl - The Adventures of Little Pip, distributer of scandal - Penny & Eloise - Scribble & Sleuth - something where Eloise and maybe Penny meet Lord Byron

#hedgewatch #bridgerton #recap #bridgerbore

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ganymedesclock · 3 years

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I absolutely love your Hollow Knight headcanons, and I have a question because I'm curious what your thoughts on this are: do you have any headcanons about Lemm? What's his deal, where did he come from? Furthermore, how do you think the interaction would go if he ended up meeting Quirrel at some point?

Hollow Knight is one of those exciting SpIn franchises for me where if I don’t have headcanons about a particular character I’ll string ‘em together pretty quickly because I just like the world that much.

Lemm, incidentally, I have thought about! So I’ll just toss out a sorta randomized tasting platter here under the cut.

Lemm offhandedly mentions other relic seekers but rather than a scholarly order he suggests they’d be jealous of him or compete with him, so he clearly has peers. He also tells Ghost that if they want to move into the City of Tears he’d prefer they pick an empty building AWAY from the one he’s taken over.

He’s shown to be finicky, obstinate, and argumentative- possibly other relic seekers are closer to each other than they are to him- but even when he really, really wants something from Ghost, he’s fair with them, and he is honest with them about how much each is worth. (He doesn’t try to con you on the arcane eggs, and is sincere about how much it means to him.) He also seems to actually enjoy Ghost as an audience, and like talking about it. The description for the Void Idol suggests that Ghost potentially hangs around Lemm and learns from him more than we necessarily ‘see’ in canon.

I interpret Lemm as a wholly mundane sort of bug, no magical aptitude, but as someone who is quite brawny and physically powerful. I just like the idea that in some kind of modern supernatural AU he’d be the ostensible normal everyman keeping up, frustratedly, with all of this mystical stuff happens but then they get ambushed by a zombie and Lemm just lays it out. Overall this guy’s about as much of a desk jockey as Indiana Jones- he mentions doing long treks through the city avoiding husks.

So, to spin what I imagine might be a probable backstory; he seems less like someone who’s accustomed to loneliness or isolation, but rather someone who seeks it out. Possibly grew up in a big family with a lot of siblings, or otherwise a very rowdy environment where he felt like not much room was made for his interests and passions and him having things the way he wants them. Isolation alone doesn’t make him happy, though he seems the type to insist he is (not after neighbors, and all)- really, more than anything, he wants to be listened to and feel like someone is paying attention to him, I think.

He seems to be highly educated and may be something of an elitist snob about it at first glance, but, again, feeding into a kind of defensiveness.

Possibly his interest in history is a kind of compassion? He seems obsessed with the Hollow Knight and the identity of the Five Great Knights, so his own fear of being forgotten (?) / resentment at being overlooked may be something he tries to extend to others. He seeks those who were obscured by history. He’s more cynical about the Pale King than he is about the knights, but even then, he talks about the King’s Idols like he wonders who that person was, as well.

So, yeah, I like this mental image- young Lemm coming from an aristocratic family (his character colors match those of the aristocrat husks) but an overlooked ‘middle child’ too far from the inheritance to feel like he mattered much and entering some kind of major academia institution to prove himself and seek acclaim, only to become irritated and disillusioned with that / in part make enemies for his argumentative personality- and then putting everything he had on his back and heading to Hallownest because he’s out of patience with it all.

Which leads me to... Quirrel.

Quirrel is a living relic and he is an overlooked witness to an erased chapter of Hallownest’s history- the fate of the three Dreamers, and, through them, the Hollow Knight. He’s a key witness to the exact subject of Lemm’s obsession and a record who was not really purged, even if the pieces are in disarray, and wander in and out of his recollection.

Unfortunately rather than a tablet or archive Lemm can pour over and delve into with all of his skills, Quirrel is a person with feelings and opinions, and some of them are that, as an academic, Quirrel has a very different stance to Lemm.

Quite simply, Quirrel’s perspective seems far more transformative than curatorial. He emphasizes seeing things with new eyes and open awe. He’s happy that he forgot much of himself, even for a time, that he could experience it all new again. The past should serve the future. This seems to be a mentality he shared with Monomon, who when she herself is ‘the past’, is actively motivated and seeks to disable her protections and help Ghost end her life in order to ensure a future- the very reason she became a Dreamer in the first place.

Quirrel’s entire story is about letting go. I don’t personally read his conclusion as an act of suicide, but rather, the symbolic death of Quirrel the Archivist- the last tie he had to his former life. So he plants his nail on the shores of the lake, and leaves to be a new person- to see what comes next with new eyes. He cared about Monomon too much to not carry her with him, to not come back to see her off, but with that done, what he did as part of this ancient magical kingdom really doesn’t matter to him anymore. The people he cared about are gone. He’s going to look forwards and move on.

Assuming he encounters Lemm specifically after this point, this would scientifically speaking drive Lemm up the fucking wall.

Quirrel doesn’t tell and Lemm usually doesn’t ask but that idiosyncratic habit of just spouting off knowledge of ancient worlds and people and shrugging it off, like, well, that’s an interesting anecdote isn’t it! and Lemm is just, no, come back here you bastard don’t depart on a tangent about wrought iron infrastructure this is my lifework we’re talking about.

It’d be a certain amount of comedy but in another sense they have great potential to learn from each other. Quirrel very much surrenders unto the flow in many ways- which is powerful in that it’s probably protected him from the plague for a long time, his ability to let go rather than being tempted down dangerous paths by stray dreams- but, also, it’s clear from his voice and body language that losing Monomon cost him more than he wants to examine; his willingness to move on might be him being a bit dismissive about his own grief.

Lemm, meanwhile, has maybe spent his entire life up to this point doubling down so hard that he’s broken friendships, estranged family, and pissed off colleagues. This stuff has to matter. Someone has to listen to him. He has to know who these people are that disappeared off into the world because it isn’t just as good as they weren’t there! They knew things! They changed things! They did SOMETHING and if no one else wrote it down, he guesses that’s his job! It’s the only way he knows how to care about things.

So Quirrel lets go a little too much, including things he’s not actually over, and Lemm clings to things to such a degree that it seems to have driven him to isolation, even when he’s happier with someone to talk to about his work.

Also one of them’s a samurai and the other’s a self-taught pugilist who isn’t above cracking some skulls and shells with weighty antiques so if you happen to end up on the wrong end of both of them at the same time, heaven help you.

Possibly, at some point, Quirrel concedes the Madam probably wouldn’t have wanted her archive to rot when the living could make use of it and starts a transcribing project and Lemm goes absolutely fucking ape.

#Hollow Knight #Relic Seeker Lemm #Quirrel #readmore #enbywilt

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sanchoyo · 3 years

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danny phantom season 2, ep 12-16 thoughts! these episodes, in comparison to the first 10 or so, felt way more laid back and low-stakes, which I appreciate sometimes. I didn't appreciate how lazy jack's halfa design was in masters of time, it made me so annoyed I redesigned it. 👎🏻 u_u

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-'picking a fight with me and my upgraded form!' 'you upgraded to a mullet?' DANNNNY. YOU CANT SAY THAT TO TECHNUS. YOUVE HAD A MULLET TWICE NOW ('fun' split danny, and evil future danny BOTH HAD THEM). I HAVE THE RECEIPTS.

-danny seeing technus hurting valerie and yelling I AM GOING TO BREAK YOU IN HALF. SAMEEEE <3

-axion labs is now a part of vladco. FUCK YOU VLAD. hes not even really IN this episode, but just thought I'd throw out a nice fuck you anyway.

-'capable of blasting a single person into space in (2) minutes!' tucker. that would kill someone. i mean yeah they might get to space, but theres NO WAY THEY WOULDNT CATCH FIRE, OR THEIR ORGANS WOULDNT LIQUIFY BECAUSE OF THE STRAIN. THEY'D PROBABLY PASS OUT BEFORE THEN, BUT. ...no, okay, I get why vlad bought this company. this is RIGHT up his alley.

-danny KNOWS VAL DIDNT DO THIS, THAT SOMEONE STOLE THE SUIT. AND SPENDING ALL NIGHT CHATTING WITH HER. <3 and val is a 9TH DEGREE BLACKBELT?? danny's mom is, too!! omg and she hunts ghosts, his parents would love her. and her fav fruit is kumquat bc its a funny word. im so with danny val is amazing. I love her and I Do Not Want To Hear It From Sam.

-I knew danny wanted to be an astronaut, but the bowling tidbit is like. yes give me more useless info abt these characters, I love tiny details that make them feel more human, and im glad hes got hobbies aside from ghost stuff, we dont really see a lot of that!!! (I mean, we knew 'fun' danny from when he split himself in half liked bowling, so obv it makes sense he LIKES it, but hes very GOOD at it. so proud of him, bowling king) val calling him neil armstrong and them teasing each other. LOVE THAT.

-technus you are my favorite grandpa for setting this up. SAM WHY ARE YOU BEING SO CREEPY BE HAPPY FOR YOUR FRIEND!!! STOP SPYING ON THEM!!! who actually cares if technus did 'set them up' together, theyre having fun and enjoy each others company!!! 'you think the universe wants you two to be together?' 'i dunno, but maybe /I/ do!' EXACTLY DANNY!!! SOO TRUE.

-and valerie being happy sam said she wants to try and be happy for them and make room at the lunch table for them. and hugging sam over it. VAL NEEDS MORE FRIENDS.

-VAL GOING AFTER TECHNUS IN HER SUIT WITH (1) MILK, AND (1) TREE BRANCH AND KEYS!!!. I LOVE YOUUUU BEST GIRL. her new suit kicks ass

-dannys like 'HEY IM AN ASTRONAUT :D' AW. ...HES IN SPACE... the fact he's actually intending to give her the ring. with SAMS NAME ON IT?? IM CRINGING DANNY NO. YOU CANT DO THAT...thank god he didnt. thank god valerie cut it off and said they can just stay friends for now. tbh, they both have a lot on their plates!! they obv both still like each other...it can be a future thing!! when she knows about phantom! youre 14 theres no need to rush. I just want her to have friends and be happy :(

-...danny struggles to do (1) pull up. SAME. but all the ghost fighting in phantom form REALLY doesnt carry over at ALL? that sucks

-sam being as fit as she is, is not just a goth. shes a goth jock.

-honey I Shrank Our Kid, One of his Enemies, and his Bully: the episode

-dash's crush on phantom is So Obvious. fitness buddies :) watching them interact always makes me laugh. also, phantom, with PANTS. 'how many costume changes you gonna go through, what is this, vegas??' DASSH DJKSFHASKDF

-MADDIE GOING AFTER THE MOUSE WITH A BROOM, WHAT THE FUCK. AAAH. JUST BUY SOME KIND OF MOUSE TRAP.

-danny likes lime and vinegar chips. which sound very good.

-'our boy finally has the physical prowess of a 60 year old president!' ...poor danny LMAO

-'what's wrong with beauty pageants' oh tucker you sweet naïve child. what ISNT wrong with them. who approved this for a high school?? (I mean, yes. unfortunately child pageants exist, but...) also danny and tucker once again treating the pretty girls like objects. I need to meet the grown man who wrote this, I just want to talk...

-prince aragon's dragon form reminds me of maleficent (color scheme wise) which is always a bonus. considering the episode is called beauty marked, I feel like the sleeping beauty references are deliberate

-sam with the fake fangs. once again her accessories never miss. hate the 'not like other girls, girls who get sucked into this kind of thing are all shallow and all want to be carbon copies' bs tho.

-sam trying to be the Worst Bride, being rude as shit. DORA IS GOING TO GET KILLED. DID YOU MISS THE PART WHERE SHE SAID THE PRINCE WILL HAVE HER HEAD IF YOU ARENT THE IDEAL BRIDE. YOU /KNOW/ DANNY WILL COME SAVE YOU. JUST ACT CHILL UNTIL THEN. even if you were doing fine to get him to take off the crown, consider maybe not letting his poor sister get punished also?? sure, she could also take off the crown and has dragon powers, but did you know that for sure?? dora didnt even really realize it until you guys talked!! (or at least, she was scared to stand up to him. you had no guarantee she would...) but. good for dora. ANOTHER friendly ghost to add to the List :)

-tucker is so under appreciated in his time. if he was doing a tech-based campaign today he'd have a better shot. people in 2004 had NO IDEA how much tech would be a part of our day-to-day lives...altho. tbh if you're going to be running for student council president, maybe you should..focus on things to actually improve the school? since he's going for a tech angle, he could say like, he would be running fundraisers for the schools computers to be upgraded, etc? we've already SEEN he can be good at money-making entrepreneur type stuff!!

-oh my god wait. this episode is JUST YUGIOH?????! A REBORN PHAROH USING A TEENAGER AS A VESSEL?? YESSSSSS

-tucker using his new minion to feed him grapes and carry him. AND LOCUSTS ONTO THE BULLIES. I love how when he's possessed, he gains winged eyeliner.

-this episode is giving me big 'plankton makes everyone in bikini bottom his slaves and build monuments of him from the spongebob movie' vibes. and the pharaoh has a traitor who works for him? VERY big yugioh vibes. aknadin confirmed

-I like that danny is still completely exhausted after using ghostly wail. (still patiently waiting on him to get duplication)

-LOVE the fenton's 80s outfits. I get hes 14 and embarrassed by everything they do because theyre his parents, but. cmon, this is one objectively cool thing theyve done. love 80s fashion.

-...was vlad just standing on that streetlight waiting for danny to come out? how'd he know they'd be coming out the back? how long has he been up there???

-oh, wait, his ecto-acne has flareups? that SUCKS. danny was...well I dont want to say he was LUCKY HE HALF-DIED, but he was lucky his was pretty instant (I'm assuming that had to do with the power/scale of the portals being different?) I remember in the ep we met him, vlad made a point of saying he was stuck in a hospital for a long time, so. that really actually sucks and I feel bad. not that it excuses anything he's done...but like. it does suck.

-vlad being so sure danny wouldnt help him he made it somehow contagious to his friends to make sure he'd get help? danny is a nice boy, he wouldve helped if it was anyone else. the only reason he wouldn't have is because of the shit vlad did to him, on purpose. vlad 100% dug his own grave by being the biggest asshole, so it is very hard to feel bad for him.

-clockwork is back!!! and making danny learn lessons The Hard Way. Uhhh, okay. I kind of get Danny’s logic, that time traveling this far back would prevent vlad from becoming a halfa also, ergo no arch nemesis or ectoacne to worry about. But the fact that was basically the first solution Danny came up with to solve this problem is actually so funny. It’s so extreme

-APPRICIATION FOR THESE 80S LESBIAN BG CHARACTERS.

-vlad telling maddie in the lab (in the 80s) he has something he's wanted to tell her 'for a long time'...how long have they known each other? I assumed they met in college, since jack always calls vlad his college buddy/roommate, so jack and vlad for sure met in college, but did vlad know maddie longer? thats surprising if so. Tho we don’t know what year of college they’re in so they could mean they met as freshmen and a few years have past…speaking of maddie shes crushing the 80s look.

-vlad blames jack, but. maybe dont stick your face 2 inches from the portal??! THIS FEELS LIKE LAB SAFETY BASICS. IF SOMETHING HAS POTENTIAL TO BE DANGEROUS, DONT GET NEAR IT. WITH YOUR FACE UNPROTECTED IN ANY WAY. (altho jack didnt really give a Big Warning besides screaming BONZAI. so. also that, but cmon.) also, they need gloves, goggles, and to pull all of their hair back tbh. but fuck lab safety, I guess!

-cryyyyinnng at how lazy they were with jack's ghost form design, its just plasmius' design on jack!!! you couldve given him his own design!!

-there. I did that in about 10 minutes and its somehow less lazy than what made it into the show. embarrassing! better yet, I think the episode would've been better if maddie would've gotten the ectoacne. or maybe its just me, wanting to see her design! anyway. I'm sure people have already done redesigns of them both as halfas. I have to go look after I finish this watch through. Also mildly frustrated jacks resentment and bitterness is basically also a copy paste of vlads backstory. They’re different characters, I really don’t think jack would stew in bitterness and jealousy the same way vlad would!! I also don’t think he’d give up after one time of trying to hunt ghosts and getting laughed at. Our canon timeline says different…I dunno, I get it was for laughs, but I’m annoyed because the POTENTIAL this plot has…

-did vlad really wear a stupid cheese hat to his wedding. ok actually that kinda rules. and the cheese door knocker. the dairy-only buffet table. vlad still got rich, just on being the New Dairy King. (Assuming that means he owns a lot of dairy businesses?) ok! this actually is great. hope maddie isn't lactose intolerant!

-'no matter how hard I tried, I could never get rid of my ghost half, the half I knew Maddie could never accept' ohh, ouch, what a horrible thing to say to her HALF GHOST SON. 'YOUR MOM WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOU' BASICALLY.

-maddie strapping danny to the table with a lazer pointed at him in a secret lab she keeps from vlad that she makes a point of saying is sound proof so he can scream all he wants...CHRIST. DANNYS POOR PYSCHE.

-also, not to feel bad for alternate vlad (because, he did lie to maddie saying jack blames her and never wants to see her again...) but. being married to a woman 20+ years and she immediately goes back to jack? if she didnt love vlad and feels like she had to hide shit from him, and says she wasted her best years with him, WHY MARRY HIM. it feels like leading him on!!! cannot believe im feeling bad for vlad, but. this alternate timeline vlad is significantly Less Horrible than Our Vlad. did she not think she'd get funding for her ghost stuff? (which, fair assumption since they're considered 'ghost fanatics/nuts in canon...but...) why did she think jack or vlad would be her ONLY OPTIONS? be like your sister. be single. Actually, this au could’ve been really interesting if after the accident, vlad lied to her and said jack never wanted to see her again, but she stays single. Imagine how much that would bug vlad… like, in her mind, it was never a competition it was jack or no one type situation…

-danny being like 'leave him ALONE' this jack is a HOMEWRECKER, DANNY. let them go to court and settle this at the least. ...or just throw vlad into the portal. (100% human, defenseless vlad) CHRIST, MADDIE THATS BRUTAL. THATS MURDER.

-danny seeing his mom immediately accepting him and his dad being half ghosts in this universe, if I was him this would be a great sign that his universe's maddie would also.

-*maddie voice* "clockwork will help!" *2 seconds later, with clockwork* "I will Not Help." TOUGH LOVE KING. YES LET DANNY SEE THE SODA HIMSELF AND DEVOLP BETTER OBSERVATION SKILLS.

-when clockwork ""reset time to the way it was"" just before danny "meddled"" ...did he really erase a whole alternate timeline? ...damn. because maddie and danny both called it an alternate timeline by name, it splitting when the college incident went different, so it wouldnt have really mattered if he reset it, right. like because danny's timeline is on a different stream? why didnt clockwork just. show danny a replay and not Reset That Timeline. wh...I wonder how many people that Erased From Existence. Anyway! once again stating clockwork is casually terrifying!

#danny phantom #dp thoughts #sanchoyorambles

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ineverlookavvay · 4 years

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I'm still here hoping (that one day you may come back)

Set during the lost decade. After years apart, Alex and Michael spend a night together.

Fic prompt: “I don’t want you to go.” - Day 3 of Michael Guerin Week 2020

content warning for alcohol, semi-explicit sex, self-destructive behavior

Read it on Ao3

Michael slammed the door to his truck and took a breath, looking around to see if anyone else was loitering in the parking lot of the bar. Too many people, too dangerous to do what he wanted and throw something heavy across the lot with his mind, but too much energy to go inside. Instead, he slammed his fist against the side of the truck, reveling in the way the blow rang through his bones.

It was a Friday night, so of course the parking lot wasn’t empty, which was good since Michael was looking for a fight tonight. He was getting good at recognizing the types of truck that usually belonged to the kind of guy he didn’t mind going to jail for pummeling, and there were several excellent contenders.

Satisfied with the potential, he strode into the Wild Pony, avoiding Maria’s gaze and slipping into a seat at the bar. He was enough of a regular that he barely had to motion to the guy behind the bar to order a drink.

“Don’t you have a trailer to loiter in?” Maria sauntered up, leaning on the bar like she owned the damn place instead of her mom.

“Can’t you afford to hire other people to work here?” Michael shot back, accepting the drink the actual bartender slid in front of him and smirking at her when she frowned. “Go away, I’m a paying customer.”

“Tabs don’t count.”

Michael gave her an actual smile, even though he felt like screaming and crying and tearing the entire town down to splinters. “No, but see, I’m promising to someday be a paying customer. That’s just as good.” She put her hands on her hips, staring him down. Michael was struck again by how ridiculously unfair it was that being an adult was just the same as being in high school, except everyone felt even more entitled. The able-to-drink-in-public part is better though. “Are you gonna take away my drink?” he asked inflammatorily. “No? Then goodbye.” She rolled her eyes but walked away.

Michael sipped his bourbon and slipped some acetone into it. More than he should, probably, but numb was better than whatever he was currently feeling. Numb had always been better than the noise and the tangle of thoughts and the pain—all of the fucking pain—and the worry.

It shouldn’t have even been this bad. It was just a party, an engagement party, for Isobel and her utterly normal, friendly boyfriend. Well, fiancé, now.

Michael wasn’t sure what it was about the whole thing that made him feel the way he did. Maybe it was that reminder of Max and Isobel’s happy, wealthy family, and how completely unaware the Evanses were of the ridiculousness of throwing a gauzy, white party in the middle of the desert. He could always see in their eyes that they were glad when he left, even if they pretended otherwise. Or maybe it was that Isobel had actually found someone to marry, an actual companion, someone who didn’t make her sad, who didn’t make her feel so much that it ached.

Not that Michael was looking for someone to marry. Fuck, no. He was happy chasing the smaller highs of casual hookups. Or at least, he was content with it. He’d had his taste of that something else, of that ache, of that feeling they wrote melodramatic poetry about; he’d had his chance and it had been too much. Too much for someone like Michael, too much to sustain, too much to sacrifice for when he didn’t have anything to give except himself, and even that was small and insufficient.

That summer, the three of them had become bad people, the kind of people who cover up a murder for their own good, no matter how justified it might have seemed. And while Max and Isobel dealt with it by being the very best, upstanding citizen parodies of themselves, Michael just stopped acting like anything mattered. He wasn’t a cowboy, or an upstanding citizen, or a drunkard, or anything—he was only himself. And one of these days, he was going to get off this forsaken planet and become something.

But until then, he split his mind between working and going to Isobel’s parties and pretending he didn’t hate every minute of it. The engagement party had been semi-formal, which meant Michael had put on a clean shirt and jeans, and grudgingly accepted the tie she thrust at him when he walked in the door (now buried somewhere on the floor of the truck). He’d put on a smile and he’d toasted the happy couple and he’d tried to stem that idiotic part of him that had the nerve to feel jealous.

The jealousy, and the sadness, and the feelings of inferiority weren’t even the worst part. The worst part was that they’d gone years and years without telling anyone their secret, and now Isobel was getting married. She was literally going to swear to be honest and faithful and whatever else, and Michael couldn’t help but feel a little worried that she would want to tell all her secrets to this man she was planning to spend her life with. All of their secrets. No matter how much she protested that she didn’t want that, that she wanted a normal marriage, it was still concerning.

Michael finished the drink and another one appeared. Got to love being a regular, even if he wished he had a nicer place to haunt. He took a drink and tipped more acetone in, glancing around the bar for someone to talk to, or hit on, or just plain hit. And his eyes fell on someone walking through the door: Alex.

Michael turned back to the bar immediately, taking a drink with shaking fingers. Fuck. This wasn’t the right night for his first lov—his high school ex, who he hadn’t seen in years, to come wandering back into his life. Then again, Michael wasn’t sure there ever would be a right night for it.

They hadn’t talked. The end of that summer had turned into one nightmarish day after the next—Michael had his first string of arrests, his first nights in the drunk tank, all to try and chase the memory of that night from his mind, to chase away the disappointed look Alex had given him when Michael admitted that he wasn’t going to college after all. It wasn’t like he could say, ‘I have to stay and keep an eye on my homicidal alien sister.’ Things had been bad enough before he’d woken up one morning to find that Alex was gone. Really, actually gone.

That had been the worst string of nights Michael had experienced since he’d learned to punch back.

Michael looked around again, unable to stop himself. He wasn’t sure if Alex had seen him, and besides that, he wasn’t sure if Alex would give any fucks about him. Probably not, which was fair. The only people who did give a fuck about Michael were Max and Isobel, and they didn’t have a choice.

The problem was that Michael was smart. Smart enough to have noticed which tables were empty in the bar when Alex walked in, to find him within seconds at one of them, talking to Maria. Michael was too smart to believe that his shaking hands weren’t the prelude to something larger and more fantastic and extremely not attached to him shaking, to think that he was going to be able to sit there at the bar and drink like nothing at all is different and—fuck.

Michael accidentally met Alex’s gaze and immediately ducked his head down, like he could somehow hide behind nothing, when it was clear that Alex had already seen him. Michael’s head was too fuzzy already to have a good sense of what Alex’s expression had looked like, the whole bar was suddenly too loud and chaotic for him to grasp something as intangible as a social cue.

Maria slid up to the bar and leaned over it to grab two beers, looking sideways at Michael. “What’s wrong, Guerin? Someone bigger and stronger steal the girl you were eyeing?”

He mimed laughter. “Funny.” Michael swallowed the remainder of his drink and stood up, feeling a little bit wobbly and not from the bourbon. “Save your material, I’m leaving.”

Maria looked happy he was going, which was just the icing on the damn cake. Absolutely no one wanted to see Michael, and he wasn’t even really drunk enough to pick a worthwhile fight. He spared another quick glance at Alex’s table, ignoring how it made his pulse speed, ignoring that Alex still looked good as hell, and shoving his still shaking hands in his pockets as he walked past and out of the bar.

He didn’t go to his truck though. There was nothing waiting for Michael anywhere else, and he was far too wired for sleep. Maybe he could still find something to do while he waited for Alex to leave so he could have the bar to himself. Michael slipped into the shadows, leaning against the wall of the building and taking the momentary lull in parking lot foot traffic as an opportunity to sip a little more from his flask of acetone.

He wasn’t sure what he was waiting for, but standing there in the warm night air, with the faint sound of music and laughter seeping through the windows, he felt almost okay. It was almost enough to unsnarl his mind for a moment.

And then the door opened, and Alex stepped out of the bar.

Michael’s breath caught as he waited to see if anyone was with Alex, but no one else appeared. He couldn’t tell if Alex was intentionally walking towards him, or just walking with his fingertips trailing the side of the building, but either way, in a matter of moments they were closer than they’d been in a long, long time.

It wasn’t the right night for this. Michael felt like he needed someone, he had been thinking about their time right after high school anyway, and now he felt unmoored and uncontrollable and like if he was going to make a mistake, he might as well dive in. Michael reached out as Alex drew near him and grabbed Alex’s hand, pulling him into the shadows where Michael was lurking.

“Guerin,” Alex breathed, and it didn’t sound like anger.

“Alex.” Michael’s hands were shaking.

“How are you?” Alex hadn’t pulled his hand away, and Michael honestly wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or a terrible sign. But it was contact. What aliens crave. “I saw you before, inside, but I wasn’t sure if—”

“What are you doing here?” Michael asked abruptly.

Alex smiled, surprised, and it was all nostalgia and ache and the burning brightness of a star. “I’m on leave.”

If it had been another night, if Michael hadn’t been feeling raw and lonely, if he was a little more or a little less drunk, if his hands weren’t shaking like damn leaves. But it was, and he was, and they were. It was a foregone conclusion.

“Wanna go for a drive?”

Alex nodded, and Michael hated how it made his chest clench.

They drove into the middle of nowhere, far enough away from lights that the stars blinked into view. Michael just drove, and god help him, it reminded him of that summer, driving out to the middle of the desert just to be alone with each other. And here Alex was, again, sitting just too far across the bench seat of Michael’s truck, making idle conversation and good-naturedly criticizing every song that came on the radio.

Eventually, Michael found a place to park, cutting the engine and the radio off. They sat in silence for a long, terrible moment. “Nicer view from the bed,” Michael said without thinking about the wording, and Alex laughed nervously.

“Yeah, okay.”

They clambered out and into the truck bed, and Michael was glad he’d recently washed some of the blankets he kept thrown in there. Alex sat with his knees pulled up to his chest, while Michael lounged across the other side, trying to make himself look more put together than he felt. Alex looked at the stars and Michael looked at Alex. He looked good—older, and maybe more tired, and he was missing the jewelry and eyeliner that was so endearingly rebellious. He looked quieter, somehow, and the thought of that made something in Michael want to scream.

“I forgot how quiet it was,” Alex said eventually, looking over at Michael. His eyes were the same, or at least they still made Michael feel achingly adrift.

“Must be a nice change.” Michael had no idea what he was saying, he was just trying not to let the conversation die. Alex laughed wryly. “How’ve you really been?”

Alex shrugged. “You really want to hear about it?”

Michael didn’t. The idea of Alex—Alex who was good and real and made him ache—off fighting someone else’s wars made Michael sick to his stomach, made him want to flip the damn truck over.

“I’ve spent all day talking about the Air Force,” Alex said eventually.

“Okay, so tell me something else about you,” Michael said.

“I’m glad to see you,” Alex said, staring straight at Michael, like he was daring him to argue. “I wasn’t sure you’d still be here.”

“Well, I am. For now.” It was a lie—Michael wasn’t leaving Roswell unless it was in a flying saucer—but the lie made reality easier to bear.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.” The information was offered before Michael could decide if he wanted to know. Alex’s phone chimed from where he’d left it in the cab. “And I had plans for tonight.”

“Breaking plans to bum around with me? I’m honored.”

“When you looked at me in the bar, I forgot all about them,” Alex continued, sounding mildly disgusted with himself.

Michael swallowed hard. “When I looked at you in the bar, I forgot about everything else.” It was easier, out here, to say things like that, knowing it was just between him and Alex and the desert and the night sky—and Alex would be gone tomorrow.

“Are you still getting into fights? Still drinking? Still getting arrested?” He sounded hopeful. That just made it all worse.

Michael looked down at the blanket he was sitting on, worrying the edge of it between the fingers of his bad hand. “Not currently.” Alex’s hand suddenly reached out and grasped his fingers, stopping the fidgeting. Michael looked up and Alex was closer, their faces inches apart.

“Just for tonight,” Alex said, and Michael nodded, unable to turn away even if his life depended on it. Alex smiled like he couldn’t help it, and then pressed his lips to Michael’s.

Everything was quiet. Everything was eclipsed by the desire, the ache, the need to press as much of himself to Alex as possible. Alex’s lips were more chapped than Michael remembered, but otherwise it was the same—the same swooping sensation in his stomach, the same warm wet pressure, the same fervent way Alex licked Michael’s lips until he deepened the kiss. Michael bit back the high, needy noise threatening to burst out of him, wrapping his hand around Alex’s waist, holding him as close as possible when they were both awkwardly sitting side by side in the truck bed. It was enough.

Michael had asked Isobel how it felt to kiss Noah, once. It was under the guise of teasing, but he had really wondered if everyone had the same brilliantly overwhelming feelings he experienced with Alex, like nothing else mattered but the two of them, like nothing else even existed. Michael hadn’t felt that with anyone else, but no one else had been nearly as important as Alex was to him, as Noah seemed to be to Isobel. Isobel had laughed, and said something cliched and cute, but it hadn’t come anywhere near the words he would use to describe kissing Alex. And now, he wasn’t sure that he hadn’t undersold the experience in his memory.

They fell back against the blankets, legs intertwined. It was perfect until Michael misjudged and hit his elbow on the side of the truck with a bang and a loud “Fuck!” Michael slid quickly away from the offending metal, closer to Alex, and Alex giggled, hiding the sound in the curve of Michael’s neck. Michael filed that away, the sound of Alex giggling, deep in his memory, a balm for the really bad moments.

His face still tucked into the juncture between Michael’s neck and shoulder, Alex turned the laughter into kisses, pressing them along the sensitive skin of Michael’s neck. Michael ran his good fingers along Alex’s spine, and Alex shivered at the light touch. Michael felt good, he felt weightless, like he’d been carrying an invisible weight, and now Alex was lifting it.

Alex’s fingers plucked at the edge of Michael’s shirt, and Michael let Alex peel it off of him, the air and anticipation prickling at his bare skin. Alex touched Michael with a look of reverence, running his hands along the lines of Michael’s collarbones, tripping across his nipples, stroking over his ribs, smoothing the line of his stomach. Michael had forgotten how this felt, to have someone really want him, really want to touch him, in a way that felt intimate instead of rushed and anonymous. It made him feel powerful and incredibly vulnerable.

Michael tugged at the buttons on Alex’s shirt, slipping them from their holes, slowly revealing skin, an exceptional tease. Alex huffed a laugh as Michael’s tugging became more insistent, the last button popping clean off the shirt, rolling across the metal of the truck bed. They crashed together, gripping each other’s hips, pressing their skin together and kissing messily.

It was just like the last time, except the sting of that summer was dulled; over time, it had been overtaken by the way that Michael ached when he thought about how long it had been since he’d seen Alex, how many nights he’d spent lying in bed hoping that nothing terrible had happened to him. They were both still eager, and they both seemed to want it just as much. The difference was that Michael knew now that this wasn’t just a summer fling, that it never could be; the difference was that Michael knew that something in him broke every time Alex left, and he would have to try his best to rebuild himself tonight because in the morning, it would break again.

Michael ran his fingers arounds the waist of Alex’s pants—soft, ticklish caresses that made Alex’s breath catch, his exhales twisting towards a moan. Michael undid the fiddly zipper of Alex’s pants, letting out his own moan at the sudden expanse of skin as Alex helped pull them off, at the suggestive bulge of Alex’s cock beneath his boxers. Michael’s pants were off after another moment, hurried motions that made both of them giggle and moan like teenagers.

Filled with the restless energy of want, Michael pressed Alex back down on the blankets, rolling to hover over him, sweeping his eyes over all of Alex’s skin. Their kisses were heated, spurred on by their bodies sliding together. Michael could feel every nerve in his body reacting to touching Alex, every bit of him lit up and conscious of Alex’s every movement, every sigh, every push of his hips against Michael’s, every look and every kiss burning through him.

Alex pulled away, breathing hard, his hand tangling in Michael’s hair. “Christ, I missed you,” he whispered, quiet even though no one else was around. He sounded wrecked, and Michael felt the sound sear itself in his memory.

Michael took a deep breath. Alex was smiling up at him, looking blissful; Alex was here, with him, and he had to make it count, to make it good for Alex, because Michael knew with a sudden certainty that he wouldn’t be able to survive it if Alex came home the next time and didn’t fall into his arms. Michael spent so much time disappointing so many people, but this—loving Alex—this he could do.

“You look nervous,” Alex said, later, when they were both naked and Michael had found the lube he kept stashed in the glove compartment.

“No,” Michael laughed, running his tongue along the sensitive skin by Alex’s hip. “It’s just been a while since I did this with someone I liked as much as you.”

Then Michael’s mouth was on Alex’s cock and Alex’s response turned into a moan, his voice rising into the quiet air as Michael tried to say everything he really wanted to say without any words and hoped Alex would understand.

Hours later, as they lay wrapped together in blankets and each other, sweat cooling on their skin, Michael ran his hand through Alex’s hair and wished he had the power to slow time. Alex’s hair was longer in high school, and Michael regretted slightly that he couldn’t pull on it the way he remembered Alex liking. It was just another reminder that things were different now, that Alex was going to leave for someplace he might never come back from, while Michael dug his own grave slowly in Roswell.

“That’s nice, Michael,” Alex said, leaning into Michael’s touch. Michael pressed kisses to his cheeks, his forehead, his lips—gentle, unhurried kisses, the kind they never got to have in high school. There was always some danger lurking around the corner, the fear of being seen, of being caught; now the only threat was the sun, and the morning that would take Alex away.

“Only nice?” Michael teased, kissing along Alex’s jaw, down his neck. “Do I have to demonstrate my charms again?” He pressed his hips toward Alex suggestively.

“Nice is good,” Alex replied, sighing as he leaned closer to Michael. “And this was perfect.”

Don’t leave, he wanted to say. Instead, he rocked their bodies together again more purposefully as he felt Alex respond. They gripped each other like they could hold together the things threatening to tear them apart with every passing minute, kissing with renewed passion, making the most of what time they had.

They hadn’t slept at all when the sun started to rise, painting the broad expanse of the desert with color and light, or at least Michael hadn’t. Alex was dozing, and Michael was watching him, watching the way the glow of the early morning made Alex’s skin golden, the way his eyelashes fluttered as he dreamed, the dark red of his well-kissed lips. It would have been creepy to take a photo, but Michael wished he’d brought his phone out of the cab, wished he had a picture of Alex looking peaceful and fucking radiant, to remind himself that not everything was shit all of the time. Instead, Michael looked and looked and tried to etch the image onto his memory.

Alex stirred, blinking awake and smiling up at Michael. “Hey.” His voice was thick with sleep and sex, and Michael’s chest felt tight at the thought he might never get to hear that again. He’d never admit it, but while Alex slept, Michael had mentally seriously considered the pros and cons of joining the damn Air Force himself just to have some piece of Alex around him all the time.

“Mornin’,” Michael drawled, kissing Alex’s eyelids, kissing Alex’s hand, kissing Alex everywhere he could see. Alex yawned and Michael grinned. “Tired?”

Alex’s face slipped from contentment to something sadder and more complicated. “Hey, that’s the first time we’ve both actually slept in the same place.”

“Speak for yourself,” Michael replied, then switched tactics when Alex’s face dropped a bit. “Yeah, I know.” He paused, watching Alex’s expression brighten. “I liked it.”

“Me too.”

The sun sped higher in the sky, drenching them in light. Michael wondered what would happen if he tried to telekinetically move the sun back towards the East. Probably worse than just a nosebleed.

Alex started to root around for his clothing in the mess of blankets, shooting Michael small smiles despite the aura of sadness surrounding them. Alex pulled on his pants and slid off the back of the truck, standing up and looking around them like he was cataloguing his surroundings. Michael sighed and pulled on his own jeans, trying to ignore how final it felt.

“So.” It was stranger, in the light, with Alex standing up and out of reach. “You going back to some buff Air Force boyfriend?”

Alex laughed, glancing over his shoulder and raising an eyebrow at Michael. “You going back to some drunk townie?” It stung, a little, and after all hadn’t Michael been trying to sting him by asking first. Alex sighed, turning back to Michael fully, his face suddenly sadder and less guarded. “Don’t worry, Guerin, you’ve ruined me for anyone else.”

Guerin. After being Michael all night, it hurt more than he expected. Michael’s chest tightened at the name, at the offhand remark, and he wanted nothing more than to agree, to tell Alex that he felt the same and have it ring with truth, to admit that nothing else could ever stand up to whatever it was they stumbled upon at 17—but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because Alex was leaving and there wasn’t a damn thing Michael could do about it, because Michael was still himself and now that it was light he could feel the unease spreading over him, because they were different people now than who they had been years ago, and it was nothing but foolish to pretend that nothing had changed.

“I don’t want you to go,” Michael said instead, petulantly.

Alex smiled sadly and shook his head. He pulled his shirt on, tucking it in to hide the missing bottom button, and walked back to the passenger door of the truck. Done. Finito.

Michael sighed, blinking back the heat sitting in the corners of his eyes, threatening to become something he couldn’t laugh off. Michael would only let himself cry in one place, and that was alone in his trailer, where no one could see or hear him, where no one could sense any weakness.

Michael started the truck before realizing he had no idea where Alex wanted to be taken. Not home, because home was still his father’s house, and Michael avoided that place like the plague.

“You can drop me off at the Wild Pony,” Alex said quietly. “I’ll get a ride from Mimi.”

“Right.”

It wasn’t a long drive. Far too short, but neither of them talked. They sat in silence, the cab filling with unspoken words, dread and sadness neither of them could force past their lips. Michael wanted to tell him to be careful, wanted to beg him to stay, wanted to cry and scream and protest that it wasn’t fair for something to be this important and still be impermanent. He drove in silence and parked at the edge of the lot, giving Alex the chance to sneak away without being obvious about where he was coming from. That hurt, too.

“Oh, hey.” Alex paused with his hand on the door latch. “I have something for you, don’t leave.” He climbed out of the car and went running towards the building.

Michael stared after him, his hand on the gear shift, ready to escape if anyone else appeared, certain he’d misheard the request to wait. He could vaguely make out a figure in the doorway handing Alex a bundle of fabric—probably Mimi—and Alex gestured at her to go inside before running back towards Michael.

He pulled open the door and slid back inside, handing Michael a thin cd case. Michael took it cautiously and Alex shrugged, clearly embarrassed. “It’s um—it’s a mix cd. I made it a while ago, thought maybe you could use some good music for a change and it—it made me think of you, so.”

Michael considered the cd, brushing his fingers against the plastic, a sheet of paper with Alex’s handwriting on the inside of the case, listing a bunch of songs he didn’t know. It was very plain, no doodled hearts or personalization or anything, but still, it was something tangible that came from Alex, something Michael could hold, something given to him on purpose. He looked up at Alex with something like wonder. “Thank you,” he breathed, then recovering some swagger, “Knowing your music taste, not sure that counts as a gift, but…thanks.”

Alex smiled, and pulled Michael in for a kiss, short and searing and carrying so much that was unsaid that Michael felt the weight of it settle over him. He wasn’t ready for Alex to leave again, he was never going to be ready, and Alex was always going to leave because Michael was never going to be enough to keep him. That’s just how it was, but Michael knew he would never be able to stop trying to be enough.

“I think I might love you,” Michael said against Alex’s lips, unable to hold back the surge of emotion.

“Don’t.”

Alex breathed in sharply, and Michael could see a tear fall from Alex’s eye, neither of them acknowledging it. He kissed Michael again fiercely, and Michael knew it still wasn’t enough, and he knew that Alex wasn’t going to reply, and he knew that he would swallow it down and disappoint everyone and life would go on. It was inevitable that Alex would pull away, and it wasn’t until he did that Michael realized their hands were clenched together, the cd lying in his lap.

They didn’t do goodbyes, so Alex just smiled tightly and slipped out of the truck and into the bar, and that was it.

Michael drove home. He parked the truck and climbed into the trailer and showered, washing Alex Manes and every painful emotion he brought up down the drain with the soapy water.

Clean and changed and exhausted, Michael tried unsuccessfully to focus on work. His gaze kept going back to the stupid mix cd—who even did that anymore?—and eventually he gave in, rolling his eyes and trying not to feel anything as he started the cd playing.

He didn’t know the songs, and it wasn’t his taste, and it didn’t matter in the least. Michael sat on his bed and listened to the songs that reminded Alex of him.

Sitting there, Michael imagined that he could hear the sound of a jet overhead, carrying Alex out of New Mexico and out of Michael’s grasp; he imagined he could hear Alex’s footsteps, his uniform shoes clicking on the tiled airport floor, tapping anxiously against the floor of his father’s car. Michael listened to the cd and it felt like senior year; it felt like everything he’d ever tried to forget because it hurt and Michael didn’t know what to do with hurt except swallow it down or drink it dull; it felt like lying in the middle of the desert watching the sunlight dance on Alex’s face as he slept.

Michael listened to the cd again when it finished, and then again, and he let himself fall apart, alone in his trailer, mourning the life that they could have had, mourning the life that they never would. He listened until his eyes were sore and red and his chest burned with longing and he felt drained and exhausted. And then he took the cd and slipped it back into its case and put it inside of a cabinet, buried beneath other things, and tried to remember how to forget.

#mgweek20 #guerinweek20 #malex #lost decade #michael guerin #alex manes #roswell new mexico #rnm fic #my writing #angst #loving someone you can't be with #i'm really proud of this fic I hope y'all like it

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