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comphersjost · 4 years

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All For You (4 times you tried to tell Brady you loved him, and the one time Matty did it for you) ➸ Brady Tkachuk and Matthew Tkachuk

reahi, i had an idea and opened a document and i couldnt stop writing, this is what came out. it was edited but i made a lot of changes after, so please forgive any mistakes, typos, plot holes, etc. enjoy :)

Finally fed up with pining over your best friend from afar, you enlist the help of Matthew to help you get the guy - you’re just not really sure who the guy is anymore. Or: 4 times you tried to tell Brady you loved him, and the one time Matty told him for you.

word cout: 5.1k (sorry lmao)

warnings: a LOT of angst, like a lot. smut, nothing as wild as ive written before, car sex, cockwarming, etc. etc. usual cussing, love triangles ig? alcohol, super brief mention of weed, mentions of sex while drunk/high

part two

part three

part four

part five

masterlist

You tried to take Matty’s smile and what was supposed to be an encouraging nod to heart, and let it boost your with confidence. But it didn't. It really, really didn't. You could see Brady on the other side of the room, smiling down at your mom the way he always did. It was that smile he reserved for your parents, the charming, boyish, smile. It was the same smile that got your parents to let you out of the house late in high school even though you were grounded. It was the smile you got to see sitting on your rooftop just a little too tipsy at 2 in the morning. The same smile you wished you could kiss right off his face.

Brady glances up from your mom’s face for a moment, and catches your eyes. His smile widens impossibly, and you watch him excuse himself from your mother. She smiles knowingly at you, a gentle sparkle in her eye as Brady finds his way towards you.

You latch onto him as soon as you're in his arms, pressing yourself to him, closer closer closer. “Hi,” you hear him mumble against the top of your head.

“Hi, B,” you breathe back, barely audible over the chatter in the room. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, buttercup,” Brady beams down at you, squeezing your shoulders again.

Your throat dries up as you stare up at him. You always loved the way his eyes crinkled shut when he smiled big like he was now. A tiny part of you wants to say fuck it and stand up on the tips of your toes to kiss him full on the mouth. You feel yourself swallow, your mouth opens and you want to get the words out, just like Matthew said you could.

“Listen, Brady I-”

“Y/N I want you to meet someone.”

You and Brady spoke at the same time, and rather than let you finish your sentence, Brady lets you out of his arms, resting his hand against your lower back and leading you somewhere deeper into the house.

“I want you to meet my friend,” he continues, “I know you haven't seen anyone since… but anyways, yeah I think you might like him.” Your lips remain parted, the words stuck in your throat. Of all the things you expected coming to the Tkachuk house tonight, of everything you could have thought might happen during your plan to confess your feelings to your best friend, an off-handed mention of your piece of shit ex-boyfriend and Brady attempting to set you up with someone was far from it.

Your eyes are hazy, your focus far from the situation at hand, even as you let Brady introduce you to his friend. You barely remember the poor kid’s name, too caught up in trying to keep your shit together. Your eyes find Matthew’s, hating the sympathetic smile on his lips.

You don't want his pity. It just makes you feel worse. You turn abruptly to Brady’s friend and stop him mid-sentence. “I’m really sorry,” you say, “I just don't think this is going to work out, I have my eyes on someone else.” He doesn't say anything as you walk away, bee-lining straight for Matthew.

You grab his forearm, ignoring his protests when you drag him out to the backyard.

“Why did he do that?” you say once you're outside. “Why did he introduce me to someone that I could date? What if you're wrong, Matty? What if he doesn't like me like you think he does?”

Matthew didn't have an answer for that. He did know one thing though.

“Then he’s an idiot, Y/N, and he can't see a good thing, a great thing, even when she's right in front of him.” You let out a wet laugh, trying your best not to read too deep into what Brady had tried to do tonight. Instead you let him tuck a strand behind your ear and pull you into a comforting hug, the both of you unaware of Brady’s eyes on you, a smile tugging at his lips at the thought of you two together.

II.

Ottawa playing a game against Calgary meant you had to cancel any and all plans you had for that weekend. The whole Tkachuk family couldn't make it from St. Louis, but you living in Calgary made up for it. You were shaking with excitement - you hadn't seen Brady in a month and a half, since that horrible attempt at telling him how you felt. You hoped that this time would be different.

The arms that wrap around your waist in the middle of the hotel lobby are all too familiar to alarm you.

“Hi, buttercup,” comes the soft whisper, and you can't even attempt to fight the smile that pulls at your lips.

“Hi, Brady,” you whisper back, feeling Brady loosen his hold on your so you could twist around in his grip. “You've been gone too long.”

“Hmm, I know,” Brady hums, kissing your hairline gently. “I'm sorry I'm not visiting as much, you know it has nothing to do with you right?”

“I know, Brady,” you reassure him. “I just miss you.” I love you. The thought is screaming in your head, begging for you to let out.

I love you I love you I love you

“Just say the three little words, Y/N, tell him how you feel.” Those were Matty’s words, just this morning when you had a crisis about seeing Brady again. You paced across the floor of his living room, the walls and tables all over his apartment covered in jerseys and odd paraphernalia he’d acquired over his time playing in the NHL.

“I can't, Matty, what if he,” you gasped for air at the idea, “what if he doesn't love me back, I don't think I could handle that.”

Matt had laughed at you this morning, assuring that to the best of his knowledge (and he knew his brother pretty damn well), Brady was in love with you too. Besides, he'd said, even if he wasn't in love with you back there was nothing you could do to make him want to stop being friends with you.

Brady pulls away from you, preparing to head to whatever restaurant you were supposed to meet Matthew at.

“So, Brady, there was something that I-”

“Hey, what's this?” Brady’s curious expression made you pause. He tugs the fabric of your sweater down a little by your chest, exposing your collarbone, and a dark purple mark you hadn't meant for anyone to see. Your blood runs cold, knowing exactly where that's from.

Matthew had given it to you, when the both of you had gotten just a little too wine drunk and you'd ended up in his lap. It was ironic really, you'd been discussing how to drop more hints to Brady about how you feel about him. He'd been helping you with that dilemma since the summer. And then last Sunday, you'd been over at his place for dinner, and the night had ended with him grabbing handfuls of your ass while you whined desperately against his mouth.

There was no way you could tell Brady how you felt now, not with him having just asked about the bruise his brother had left on your skin.

“You and my brother finally getting it on?” Brady says suggestively, a shit eating grin on his face as he wiggles his eyebrows at you. You feel like a deer stuck in the headlights.

“Why would you even say that?” you snap, ignoring the way he recoils, lips parted and eyes wide in surprise. “Come on we have to go meet your brother for dinner.”

III.

You and Matthew had bought your plane tickets home for Christmas together, deciding that it made more sense since you both lived in Calgary and were going home to the same neighborhood. Brady’s flight was coming in the day after. You’d been spending most of your time at the Tkachuk house, lounging around with Matthew. You’d hung around their house to stay out of your mom’s way, knowing having people around would only just stress her out as she prepared for your whole family to come home.

Today was the day Brady’s flight was coming in. Chantal and Keith chose to spend the day out shopping before heading to the airport to pick up Brady late in the afternoon. Taryn was spending the day at her friend’s house, leaving you and Matthew alone in the house.

Which, you should have known it was a bad idea. You swore it was nothing between you and Matt, you swore it was just about Matt helping you get the guy, get Brady. But it seemed like the more you, Matt, and alcohol were all involved, you ended up in precarious positions.

Today you chose not to drink, hooded eyes watching Matt take another drink of whatever liquor he’d chosen this time, before your gaze slid back to the pipe in your hand, lighter dangling between two fingers. You knew how this would end, you and Matt would get wasted, you’d fuck, rough, hard, fast, desperate, and then you would go back to pretending it never happened, went back to him helping you with getting Brady to notice your interest. You didn't talk about it, and you were almost always some kind of inhibited.

You refused to fuck Matthew in his childhood bedroom, arguing that it was bad karma. He laughed at you then, a soft laugh, clear of any indication that Matt is drunk out of his mind. The laugh is too innocent of a laugh for the way his voice lowers after it ends. He talks you into it, seduces you more like. He’s got you sliding into the backseat of a beat up old Toyota Corolla, his first car (“And how exactly is that any better than your childhood bedroom, Matty?). He tells you that you have hours alone in the house before anyone comes home and you might as well pass the time.

The talking and seducing turns into heated, sloppy kisses. You giggle against his mouth, tugging at the curls at the back of his head while avoiding the thought that you swore to yourself you would tell Brady how you felt when he got home tonight. But then Matthew’s lips trailed away from your mouth, over your jaw, your cheek, the curve of your throat, and any thought of Brady was gone.

The messy kisses turned into you riding Matt, his old car rocking back and forth as you bounced on his dick. He kisses you to quiet his moans. No one was supposed to be home for hours but, just in case. He's got you whining desperately while you clench around him, his giant hands squeezing your hips. He guides you up and down on his cock, relishing in the way your body moves the way he wants without a fight.

I bet Brady couldn't fuck you like I can.

The thought flashes through his brain before he can stop it, and then it's like someone put a red tint on his world view. You belonged to him. Matthew’s possessive rage has him fucking harder into you, his hands falling from your hips to your ass to slam you forcefully down on him. Growls fall from his lips, the thought of his younger brother fucking you making him intent on bringing you to as many orgasms as possible. That thought is also what made his teeth come down on your skin. He sucks and bites into your skin all over your chest, leaving marks that would expose that you were having sex with someone to anyone who saw - that would expose you to Brady.

You let out almost a squeal when you cum, clenching around Matthew’s cock and sobbing desperately. You don't see the smug grin on his face when he watches you cum, only letting him keep doing what he's doing because it just feels so damn good.

Matt follows through on his mental promise, fucking you through as many orgasms as he could (5, the last time he checked, he lost count). His hands flex over your ass, sighing contentedly as he pulls you so that you sink all the way back down on his cock. He pulls you to his chest, nuzzling into you as the two of you doze off.

Brady finds you that way, seeing the way you’re nuzzled into his brother’s chest through the windshield. The fact that he only saw you through the windshield protected him from seeing the most incriminating part, Matthew’s cock, still stuffed all the way inside of you. He can still see the bare skin of yours and Matt’s shoulders, so he opts out of waking you up, instead heading towards his room to shower off that airport smell and nap, a devastatingly pretty blonde attached to his hip.

When you wake up, you feel groggy, but more sober than before. After you moaned pathetically when Matthew lifted you off of his cock, the two of you snuck back inside the house, managing to get you out the door and back to your house, and Matthew to his room. When you and your family made their way over for dinner later that night (the hickies and bruises on your skin successfully covered up), you feel your heart twist in your chest at what - or rather, who - greets you there.

“Y/N! Hey!” Brady sounds so excited, so you humor him, hiding the way it feels like you're about to explode into a million little shreds. “This is my girlfriend, Autumn.”

And - you really can't hate her. She's so nice, so incredibly kind and radiant and you really don't blame Brady for not taking his eyes off her the whole night. You didn't even know he was bringing her. Matthew catches your eyes, shaking his head sadly and mouthing I didn’t know.

You shrug, your gaze falling back to the design on the carpet, how the spirals of each shape in the carpet almost mirror your heart, spiraling out and falling apart before your eyes.

Matt’s gaze remains on you. Something about seeing your skin clear and bare after he had taken such good care to leave as many marks as possible didn't sit right with him. It made his gut twist; he wanted everyone to know. He wanted Brady to know.

You hate the unpleasant feeling in your gut every time Autumn says something. And you really hate the way Brady smiles apologetically at you when you pulled him aside to say “You never told me you were seeing someone.”

You just had to get through this night and then it was back to Calgary.

IV.

Of all traditions your family has with Tkachuks, the vacations are your favorite.

You're in California this offseason, renting a house in some random, tourist-attracting beach town. Both your families had always done something similar to this (letting the boys take care of a large chunk of it now that they're on NHL salaries), renting 2 houses and splitting you up between the parents and you and the Tkachuk kids once you were old enough.

Brady had broken up with Autumn in May, which you couldn't be more thankful for, knowing that had that not happened she would've been on this vacation. “Nothing terrible happened,” he assured you over the phone that day. “She's an amazing girl, she really is, she's just...she's not the one for me.”

You were glad he couldn't see the smile that pulled at your lips at those words.

As for Matthew...well, you'd barely done as much as look at him since Christmas, not wanting to fall back into the habit of sleeping with him whenever you managed to get drunk enough to forget Brady’s existence for half a second.

But now Brady and Taryn are at the beach, meeting up with some friends they somehow convinced to drive up from Orange County, and you were laying outside in the rented house’s backyard on one of the pool chairs. You’d opted to stay home this time, having spent almost every minute of this vacation attached to Brady at the hip.

It was pathetic, almost, the way you followed him around. Matt thought so, at least. What he thought was even more pathetic though, was the way Brady had the perfect fucking woman in front of him - pining after him even - and he still couldn't see it, no matter how hard you and Matt tried to make him.

Matt hates that he finds himself wishing that the whiny voice you used to get Brady to do things you wanted was following him around instead, like the incessant bug he'd teased you about being when you whined for the millionth time to Brady that it was hot.

Brady had looked at you all soft in the moment, leaning down to kiss your forehead before placing his arm around your shoulders and pulling you into him. “Not hot enough for you not to cuddle with me,” he’d said, your giggles prompting him to tickle your sides until you'd both forgotten about your complaining.

“Y/N, you left your water bottle outside,” Matthew says abruptly, adding on a “by the way” so you two would stop staring at him like he interrupted something. Like he wasn't even supposed to be there.

“Oh,” the realization makes you frown, and the pout that accompanies your furrowed brows almost make him combust from how cute you look. “Didn't know you noticed I left it out there.”

Brady keeps his arm around you as he lets you take him back outside for the water bottle, making you miss the way Matt whispers “I always notice.”

You briefly wondered what Matthew was doing, before the question was answered for you by a soft sensation against your knee. His lips trailed up your thigh, nosing at your skin before pressing another open-mouthed kiss into your thigh, making your eyes flutter open briefly. It's hot, your skin feels like it's on fire, buzzing, like you're vibrating from the inside out.

Even with the sun washing over you the way that it is, the fire you feel on your tanned skin, Matthew’s lips make you burn. He makes you ache, the way he hasn't touched you like this in months.

“Everyone is gone for the day,” he murmurs against you, kisses becoming more frequent across your hips. “All of them. I could fuck you and make you scream and no one would know.” His words make you shudder, your back arching as his lips traveled upwards, teeth coming out to mark you up all over your tits. “So pretty like this baby, when I mark you up like that.”

You know that if you don't stop him now, Matt will get you in his bed - he would get you in his bed and then from there he'd take you apart with his fingers, his cock, his mouth. Then he’d use that same damn mouth that got you into bed with him to talk you into staying there. And as much as you love Brady… you can't resist him. You place your hand on his shoulder, his skin is warm, and it takes everything out of you to push him away.

“Matty, stop, Matthew, stop it.” Suddenly you can feel the sun back on your skin, Matthew having retreated from you completely.

“What's wrong?” he says softly, “Please, what did I do?”

“Nothing,” you lie, closing your eyes again so you wouldn't have to look at him as you say your next words. “I'm telling Brady how I feel. Tonight. No matter what happens I’m telling him tonight.”

“Oh. Good luck, then, I guess.” That's all Matthew says, then there's a shuffling noise and silence. Then the slam of the sliding door to the kitchen.

You shift uncomfortably and turn your thoughts back to Brady.

It’s later, when you’re curled up against Brady’s chest with a random movie playing on tv that you get cold feet. It’s just you and him, on the couch of the first floor of the house. Matthew is God knows where, and Taryn still hadn't gotten back from her friend’s house. This moment on the couch with him is perfect, it feels so domestic. You don't want to ruin this moment by telling him how you feel, and potentially - probably - being rejected.

You promised yourself.

You take a deep breath, ready to blurt out those three little words, and then -

“So, you and my brother huh?” Brady murmurs, eyes remaining trained on the action scene on the screen in front of him. “I know you got defensive last time I mentioned it but you guys are good together, and I'm glad you finally see it.”

You feel like you can't breathe, your throat choking up. You want to cry, yell, scream, something to just let him know that you love him.

“Actually, Brady -”

“Hey, don't worry it’s okay,” Brady laughs, reassuring you and pulling you closer to squeeze you. “I promise, I've seen you with him, and I think you guys are good together, don't worry about it.” You fall silent, not really knowing how to work your way out of this one.

“We’re not together,” you say quietly, and you had the way Brady’s hum of acknowledgment sounds like he doesn't believe you. You give up on telling him tonight.

The expression on Brady’s face drops when he meets your eyes across the table. You were just so tired. And you knew that he could see it in your face. What with work absolutely kicking your ass, to the point where you were barely able to get this week off to come home to St. Louis. It’s the end of summer, which means you and Brady were about to go through months of hectic schedules and voicemails that say “Hey, sorry I just missed your call, life has been crazy lately.” Your gaze falls from the lines of Brady's face to the seat at his right side.

Autumn smiles at you, and you hate the way the warmth that radiates from her feels like a knife twisting deeper into your gut. You hate yourself for how much you hate Autumn, you know she doesn't deserve it. Brady catches your eye again, a brief flash of recognition sliding across his face before it's gone. You'd been avoiding him for the past three days since you got here, and you almost felt guilty for it.

Matt’s hand gripping your thigh draws your attention away from Brady. He squeezes your thigh, smiling reassuringly at you and bumping your shoulder gently. It’s when Autumn finally stands from the table, smiling sweetly at Keith and Chantal, that you release the breath you'd been holding in all night. Brady says he's going to walk her out, a car waiting for her outside to take her to the airport back to Ottawa.

You don't fight it when Matthew tells you to head downstairs and he and Taryn could take care of the cleaning up. You curl up on the couch in the basement, stealing Matt’s Flames hoodie off the back of a chair and a blanket from the closet. Your eyes flutter shut to the muted noises of the dishes clinking together.

You let your eyes flutter closed, only opening them again when you feel a warm heat slide in beside you. You hum when Matt kisses your temple softly.

“You okay?” he nudges you gently, stealing the end of your blanket to cover his legs.

“Yeah, just tired,” you mumble back, voice muffled by the pillow your face is half-buried in. You know Matthew knows better than to believe your blatant lie, but you're okay with the way he chooses to move past it and not make you talk about it.

The two of you lounge on the couch silently, Matt switching on some Netflix show he’d been watching after you heard Taryn say she was going to bed. You tried not to think about how long Brady was taking upstairs with Autumn.

They'd gotten back together over the summer, she’d reached out to him before he left for the off season, which he failed to mention until it was nearly over. Against both yours, Matthew’s, and Taryn’s advice, Brady had bought a plane ticket back to Ottawa, saying that he might as well give it a shot.

Matthew had held you when you cried that night, Taryn bringing the two of you water and food when it was clear you weren't leaving his room, much less his arms.

He wanted to hold you right now too, god how he wanted to hold you. But he couldn't, not with Brady due back any second from waiting out front for Autumn's ride. He couldn't risk Brady seeing the two of you, not again.

Brady had made comments here and there about Matt’s relationship with you. No matter how much Matt insisted that the two of you weren't involved, Brady wasn't convinced, insisting that he was okay with it.

But right now, in this moment, he wanted to believe him. Matt’s hands ached to touch you, hold you, draw patterns on your skin, he yearned for it. He wanted - he needed to make sure that you knew that everything was going to be okay. Just as his resolve starts to crumble, his hands twitching in his lap as he begins to reach for you, a voice comes from the stairs.

“We should talk - right?” Brady is talking to you, making you open your eyes to look at him. “Like - things are weird, have been weird, and we have to talk about it right?”

You nodded silently, shifting in your spot so that you're sitting up, any physical contact you had with Matt now lost. “Yeah,” your voice comes out small, a whisper, and then stronger, firmer. “Yeah, we need to talk.”

This is it.

The silence in the room is almost unbearable, and you're unable to choke the words out. Brady stares at you, while you stare down at your hands. Matt refuses to look at either of you, gaze trained on the wall behind the TV, jaw clenched so tightly that if your eyes were on him you'd tell him he was about to break his teeth.

“Is this about you and Matt?” The words come out of nowhere, and it feels like you've been slapped.

“What?” Matt’s head snaps towards Brady, as does yours.

“No, really,” Brady says, “Did you guys break up oh something?

“What are you talking about Brady?” You can't stop the frustration from seeping into your voice. “That's not what this is -”

“‘Cause you know I’m okay with you guys together,” Brady continues obliviously, “I keep telling both of you that it's fine but I don't get why you insist on-”

“Oh my god you idiot!” Matt’s outburst shuts Brady up pretty quickly, leaving the younger brother staring at him with wide eyes and an open mouth. Matt looks at you and his eyes are sad, regret and apologies already written all over his face for what he's about to say next. “She's in love with you.”

He speaks so quietly you almost don't hear the second part of his statement.

“And I’m in love with her.”

Time screeches to a halt. You're convinced it's a dream, nearly pinching yourself to prove that it is. Brady is staring at Matt now, and you're staring at the ground.

“You're lying.” You don't believe the words you're saying either, and neither do Matt and Brady.

“I love you.” He's telling the truth, you can hear it in his voice.

“Stop.”

“I love you and you love him.”

“Stop it!”

“I love you, and, fuck - Y/N, it’s simultaneously the best and worst thing that’s ever fucking happened to me.”

“Please! Matty, please! Just stop!”

“Is he telling the truth?” This time it’s Brady. His voice quivers with every word. Like he doesn’t want it to be true. “You're in love with me?”

You wrap your arms around your torso, squeezing your eyes shut and hoping - praying - that when you opened your eyes, this would all be over and you'd wake up in your bed. But when you opened your eyes again, you were still on the couch in the Tkachuk’s basement, blanket tangled between you and Matt.

“You should have let me tell him,” you say to Matt, ignoring Brady’s question, still lingering in the air. “I wanted to be the one to tell him, you knew that.”

“Well, he hasn't been letting you, now has he?” Matt snaps back at you, the regret showing up on his face almost instantaneously. “Baby…”

The name slips out on accident, he doesn't mean to say, and he sure as hell doesn't mean for Brady to hear it.

“Okay, what the hell is going on here?” Brady finally yells, fed up with being kept in the dark. “What the fuck are you guys talking about?”

“I don't-” you start to say, trying to say it before Matt does.

“She loves you, okay?” Matt grabs your hand for a moment when he starts to speak, giving it a squeeze before taking his own hand back again. “She loves you in more than a friend way, and we’ve spent nearly the last year trying to get her to tell you but every time - every time Brady! - some stupid shit happens, like you trying to hook her up with someone, or - oh, I don't know - randomly springing your girlfriend on us!”

“That was one time!” Brady argues, “Besides you were the only one who knew Autumn was coming, why are you even mad?” You flinch at the mention of her name, but freeze at what comes after.

“What?”

Matt looks like he's been caught red handed - and he has, really. He just didn't mean for you to find out this way. He didn't mean for you to find out any of this the way that you just did.

“I can explain -”

“Please don't,” you stand up just as Matt is reaching for you. “I don't want an explanation. I don't - I just want to - I’m going home.”

While Brady doesn’t even look at you, Matt nearly lunges for you when you walk away from the couch. Walk away from him. He hates the way the thought stings. He barely manages to brush his fingertips against the red fabric of his hoodie before you're halfway up the stairs and the door to the basement slams shut.

#n e wayz #matthew tkachuk #matty tkachuk #ratthew!!!!!#brady tkachuk #ottawa senators #calgary flames #hockey #imagine #smut #nhl #4+1

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phantasmalduelist · 4 years

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LISTEN ON SPOTIFY 🌟

Continuation and the final part of the playlist Awakened in Starlight I did ages ago!! I hope you enjoy!! Under the read more is the story. Please do read!!

Thank you for reading and listening, if you do.

ACT I: I could never sacrifice you

1. Sacrifice by Sharon Lyons

A tiny little sacrifice. Her mother would always say, for worlds to turn, some things would be lost among the space between galaxies.

Ouri was young back then, a much tinier dragon, much more impressionable. Now one sacrifice felt like touching a pulsating black hole.

The silver tree bloomed above Ouri. She dug her hands in the golden sand of the cosmos. By her feet the lifeless body of Najwa lied.

“Weaver of Worlds, you must let go.” The leaves echoed through the white room. “Fate beckons you, Scion. It is time.”

Golden magic blossomed on her fingertips and she felt a pang of frightening pain. “I’m sorry, mother. I’m sorry, Silver Tree. I’m sorry, Najwa.”

The room was a golden field, and death became life.

2. Across the Universe of Time by Hayley Westenra

“And the cold, cold wind, it blows me away The feeling all over is a black black day But I know that I’ll see you again And I know that you’re near me”

***

ACT II: I could never forget you

3. Light in Between by Abby Gundersen

Najwa tried to forget. She really did. Tried to leave everything behind. To be forgotten amongst the cliffs of Desert Highlands.

Shame, sadness, anger; they danced underneath her skin every day. Her dreams were plagued with meadows blooming in the sunlight. Songs of ancient times.

Najwa wondered if other Awakened actually dreamed. Or if she had just ended up in a bizarre predicament. One that would forever be a mystery. Unless…

Unless she found Ouri.

Najwa gritted her teeth and patted Toffee’s back to try and distract herself. The summit wildhorn bleated and rested her head above Najwa’s. “Yeah, I know gal.”

4. God Only Knows by RAIGN

“I may not always love you But long as there are stars above you If you should ever leave me Though life would still go on Believe me”

***

ACT III: And so they dance between knives and lies

5. You Have to Let Go by Adam Fielding

“How could you!?” Najwa shouted. Her hands grabbing at Ouri’s Mordant Crescent outfit. A reminder so grim. A reminder so ugly.

“Najwa, I’m not who you think I am.” Ouri was visibly shaking. Forming words had become hard for her.

“Oh you think I don’t know? The display is sickening.” Najwa pushed Ouri against the wall with such force the nearby shelves shook. Ouri simply stood still, her eyes full of guilt.

“No, it’s not that.” She tried to relax her shoulders, but ultimately failed. Ouri knew bringing this up right now would be either an incredibly stupid idea, or completely destroy their chance of ever reconnecting. “I’m just… following a list of things to do.”

“This can’t be serious.” Najwa’s eyes were pure rage. “Was “Awakening” me part of the list!?“

“No… He didn’t do anything to you. I-” She swallowed hard. “I did.”

It took only a second for her eyes to lose the deep hazel color. Replaced by golden shades and cosmic hues. Ouri was the night sky. The far seeing cosmos. Written all over her skin.

Najwa stepped back in a daze. Her mind was a volcano erupting in the middle of the ocean. “What is going on.” Najwa stepped back as further as she could clinging to her scythe. If she still had a beating heart she knew it would have plummeted out of her chest by now.

“Spearmarshal. Najwa.” Ouri paused. And the universe watched them from the corners of the tapestry of time. “The list is what your people call a prophecy.”

The sudden realization hit Najwa like a crashing wave. All those cryptic dreams. All those shades of gold dancing at he back of her mind. The prairies of starlight. All of it. “Am I bound to you!? You did this to me!?”

“N-no! No! I cut the connection. Your will is your own.” Ouri quickly interjected. Panic was taking over her.

“How dare you!?” Najwa’s grab on her scythe was painfully tight. Tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

“If it were not me. It would have been Palawa Joko! I didn’t want that!” Ouri pleaded. Pleaded to be understood between fate and choice. Between golden threads and shadows.

“You…” Najwa’s anger was like a bursting sun. Extinguishing a galaxy before it was even formed. “You are a monster. I regret the day I crossed paths with you.”

A sacrifice. A hole in the tapestry of time.

“I know.”

The birds did not sing that morning.

6. I Cannot Raise the Dead by The Dark Element

“In a time before us We were both someone else And we can be again We both let wrong one in To keep the right one out And now we’re both without”

***

ACT IV: Until tomorrow begins again

7. Heart Lying Still by Nightwish

The Domain of Kourna was even more dreadful than Najwa remembered; she ended up finding an empty building to sit on while the Sunspears were organizing the attack on Gandara.

She kept pulling at her attire. It felt strange to use the Sunspears’ dervish insignia again. But here she was, ready to help destroy the cause of all the pain in her home.

“Mother?” A voice came from the door.

“Yes, Khalida?” she responded lamely.

“Jeez, I thought you’d be happier. Is not seeing your daughter for the first time in eight years a good thing?” Khalida teased her, raising her eyebrow playfully.

“I- No. I’m sorry, hunbun.” Najwa panicked and tried to get up.

“Hey. I’m just teasing. I know all our wounds are still pretty fresh.” Khalida placed her hand over her mother’s shoulder, signalling her to sit back down.

“Yeah…” Najwa said.

Khalida sat next to her and hugged her knees. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Ha. I should be the one asking you that.” Najwa leaned her back against the wall. Her whole body was tense.

“C'mon, Mom. We might all just die in a few hours.” She elbowed her mother and grinned.

“Gods. When did you become so…” Najwa tried to find words to fill the gap of so many years lost. But nothing came up. She knew it would always be something hard to manage. “Never mind. I came to a conclusion. And I don’t like it.”

“Uhhhhh? Yeah? So early in the morning?” Khalida quipped.

She snorted at the comment. “You know, Ouri.”

“I do know her.”

“I might have said some really. Really. Upsetting things to her.” She shuddered remembering the last time they had talked. It was a chilling sonnet in the back of Najwa’s mind. “I was hurting. I still think she had no right to bring me back to life. But…”

“You see her point now?” Khalida said.

“Yeah… Being bound to Joko would have destroyed every fiber of my morals. I am still here. I am still mostly myself.” She looked at her hands and felt a spark of warmth. “I got to see you again.”

“Then you should tell her that,” Khalida simply offered.

“I think I should just let it go-”

“You did that for eight years.”

“And here I thought I was the mother.” She frowned and crossed her arms.

“Things change. I am a Spearmarshal now.” Khalida smiled.

8.To the Moon and Back by Moonlight Haze

“I still love you so bad To the moon and back and I Yes I miss you daily to the moon and back I’d go anywhere now To the moon and back for you Hope my voice will reach you To the moon and back Time cannot heal scars that lie so deep Inside this void of mine”

***

ACT V: I will cling to the heart between dawn and dusk

9. Between the Lines by Felix Räuber

Ouri and Najwa both stood across each other. The fortress sounded eerily silent after Aurene and the Commander had stopped Joko. Only the faint cheers in the distance, from both the dead and the living, could be heard.

Najwa took a deep breath and touched the grotesquely adorned walls. “This could have been my fate.”

Ouri eyes followed the other woman’s form. She bowed her head slightly, avoiding her gaze.

“I don’t know how I feel about everything that happened,” Najwa continued. “I even find it hard to believe that I am here.”

The former Spearmarshal dragged her feet through the tar. The oozing pools reflected her face in such a distorted manner. “Gross. I wouldn’t want to have this inside of me.” Najwa grimaced.

Ouri bit her lip, trying not to chuckle at the comment.

“Are you just gonna let me monologue?” Najwa pouted. “I remember you being a chatter box.”

“You said you wanted to talk…”

“Always a little too literal, are we?” Najwa walked over to Ouri. “It’s just. I… I don’t know how to fix this.”

“Fix what?” Ouri blinked. Her eyes were gold and shining. They contrasted the beautiful dark blues of her skin.

Much better outfit, Najwa caught herself staring at her curves. The essence of the stars painting her body was mesmerizing. Ouri titled her head at the slight pause.

Najwa coughed and tried to re-focus. “Us.”

Tentatively she reached out for Ouri’s hands. They were glowing in a flame-like effect. Najwa could swear they felt like what one would describe as the heart of the universe. Warm, cold, terrifying, and enticing all at the same time.

“The reason. The reason it hurt so much to know what you did. The reason it felt less of a burden if I was just another Awakened is…” She pushed back her tears. And squeezed the other woman’s hands. “Is because. I.”

“I love you.” Ouri cut her off.

Najwa didn’t need to ask. Najwa didn’t need to understand. Ouri was a Celestial. A Scion of a grand river of the cosmos. A life bearer. How could a life bearer leave someone to die. Someone she loved.

Yet disbelief still colored her blushing face.

“You. You love me?”

Ouri nodded.

Najwa should have known that from the first day they met. Ouri had always been a spark. The fountain of the gentle sun. Najwa connected their lips in a rush of emotion. Soft and willing. Somewhat rough and passionate, too. Full of regrets, mistakes, and guilt. Full of joy, love, and forgiveness.

“I love you, too. Gods, I do.”

Dusk and dawn danced together for the first time in a millennia.

10. Forever by Frozen Crown

“Find in light the essence of the night Say forever Forever Till the stars shine on our hearts Tides won’t last Our time is dying fast But this moment, our moment It will shine bright on our hearts”

***

ACT VI: Spearmarshal and Scion

11. Celestial Dreams by Rachel Currea

“So do I get an honorary Celestial membership?” Najwa’s hair sparkled against the wind. The grey tips had become glowing and golden much like her eyes.

“Well… if you want one.” Ouri laughed.

“Yes, I do.” She grinned widely. “Don’t tell the other Awakened, but this is so much cooler.”

12. Night Will Fade by Beyond the Black

“Somewhere beyond this world Far beyond this life Fate will raise our souls out of the past Somewhere beyond this day Night will fade away Will you follow my final words For tomorrow beyond this world”

13. Into a Dawn by Feridea

“I never let go, of my hopes and dreams I never was afraid, the road is free To find a star, to guide me through this twilight fall Into a dawn”

#guild wars 2 #gw2 #Apostle Najwa #Awakened (♢)#Human (♢)#human #awakened #the Astral Ouri #Dragon (♢)#scion #dragon #humanoid form #Khalida Mukantagara #playlist #my writing #stories

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lesbeet · 4 years

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not to be a nerd but i accidentally just wrote a whole impromptu essay about editing ndjsdksksk im throwing it under a cut bc it's fucking inane and really long but honestly... i just want other people to become as passionate about editing as i am lmaooooo

i also recommend 2 books in the post so if anything at least check those out!

quality books about editing... *chef's kiss* a lot of the basic ones (including blog posts online n such) are geared towards beginners and end up repeating the same info/advice, much of it either oversimplified or misrepresented tbh. but i read one yesterday and i'm reading another one right now that really convey this passion for editing + consideration for it as its own sort of art and i just!!

it's such a weird thing to be passionate about lmao but i AM and i've spent a lot of time the past year or so consciously honing my craft (ik i mention this like 4 times a week i'm just really proud of how much i've learned and improved) and kind of like. solidifying my instincts into conscious choices i guess?

and these GOOD editing books have both a) taught me new information and/or presented familiar information through a new perspective that helped me understand something differently or in more depth, and b) validated or even just put into words certain preferences or techniques that i've developed on my own, that i don't normally see on those more basic lists i mentioned

btw the book i finished yesterday is self-editing for fiction writers: how to edit yourself into print by renni brown and dave king, and the one i'm reading currently is the artful edit: on the practice of editing yourself by susan bell.

the former was pretty sharp and straightforward. the authors demonstrated some of their points directly in the text, which was usually funny enough that i would show certain quotes to my sister without context

("Just think about how much power a single obscenity can have if it’s the only one in the whole fucking book." <- (it was)

"Frequent italics have come to signal weak writing. So you should never resort to them unless they are the only practical choice, as with the kind of self-conscious internal dialogue shown above or an occasional emphasis."

or, my favorite: "There are a few stylistic devices that are so “tacky” they should be used very sparingly, if at all. First on the list is emphasis quotes, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. The only time you need to use them is to show you are referring to the word itself, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. Read it again; it all makes sense.")

and like i said, i also learned some new ideas or techniques (or they articulated vague ideas i already had but struggled to put into practice), AND they mentioned some suggestions that ive literally never seen anyone else bring up (not to say no one has! just that ive never seen it, and ive seen a lot in terms of writing tips, advice, best practices, etc) that ive already sort of established in my own writing

for example they went into pretty fine detail about dialogue mechanics, more than i usually see, and in talking about the pacing and proportion of "beats" and dialogue in a given scene, they explicitly suggested that, if a character speaks more than a sentence or two and you plan on giving them some sort of dialogue tag or an action to perform as a beat, the tag or action should be placed at one of the earliest (if not the first) natural pauses in the dialogue, so as not to distance the character too far from the dialogue -- bc otherwise the reader ends up getting all of the dialogue information first, and then has to go back and retroactively insert the character, or what they're doing, or the way they look/sound while they're giving their little speech

and like this was something ive figured out on my own, mostly bc it jarred me out of something i was reading enough times (probably in fic tbh) that i started noticing it, and realized that it's something i do naturally, kind of to anchor the character to the dialogue mechanic to make sure it makes sense with the actual dialogue

so like. ok here's an example i just randomly pulled from the song of achilles (it was available on scribd so i just looked for a spot that worked to illustrate my point djsmsks)

the actual quote is written effectively, but here's a less effective version first:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him. He’s done nothing to me," Achilles answered coolly.

see and even with such a short snippet it's so much smoother and more vivid just by moving the dialogue tag, not adding or cutting a word:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him.” Achilles answered coolly. “He’s done nothing to me.”

the rhythm of it is better, and the beat that the dialogue tag creates functions as a natural dramatic pause before achilles delivers an incredibly poignant line, both within the immediate context of the scene and because we as the readers can recognize it as foreshadowing. plus, it flows smoothly because that beat was inserted where the dialogue already contained a natural pause, just bc that's how people speak. if you read both versions aloud, they both make sense, but the second version (the original used in the novel) accounts for the rhythm of dialogue, the way people tend to process information as they read, AND the greater context of the story, and as a result packs significantly more purpose, information, and effect into the same exact set of words

and THAT, folks, is the kind of editing minutia i can literally sit and hyperfocus on for hours without noticing. anyway it's a good book lmao

the one i'm reading now is a lot more about the cognitive process/es of editing, so there's less concrete and specific advice (so far, anyway) and more discussion about different mental approaches to editing, as well as tips and tools for making a firm distinction between your writer brain and your editor brain, which is something i struggle with

but there have been so many good quotes that ive highlighted! a lot of just like. reminders and things to think about, and also just lovely articulations of things id thought of or come to understand in much more vague ways.

scribd won't let me copy/paste this one bc it's a document copy and not an actual ebook, but this passage is talking about how the simple act of showing a piece of writing to someone else for the very first time can spark a sudden shift in perspective on the work, bc you'll (or at least i) frantically try to re-read it through their eyes and end up noticing a bunch of new errors -

or she talked about the perils of constant re-reading in the middle of writing a draft, which is something i struggle with a LOT, both bc i'm a perfectionist and bc i prefer editing to writing so i sit and edit when i'm procrastinating doing the actual hard work of writing lmao

it's just this side of fake deep tbh but i so rarely see editing discussed like this--as a mixture of art and science, a collaboration between instinct and technique, that really requires "both sides of the brain" to be done well.

and because of the way my own brain works, activities that require such a balanced concentration of creativity and logic really appeal to me. even though ive seen a lot of people (even professional writers) who frame it as the creative art of writing vs the logical discipline of editing. but i think that's such a misleading way of thinking about it, because writing and editing both require creativity and logic -- just different kinds! (not to mention that the line between writing and editing, while mostly clear, can get a little blurry from up close)

but like...all stories have an inner logic to them, even if the writer hasn't explicitly or consciously planned it, and even if the logic is faulty in places in the first couple of drafts. when you're sitting and daydreaming about your story, especially if you're trying to figure out how to bridge the gap between two points or scenes (or, how to write a sequence of events that presents as a logical, inevitable progression of cause and effect), the voice in your head that evaluates an idea and decides to 1) go with it, 2) scrap it, 3) tweak it until it works, or 4) hold onto it in case you want it later? that's your logic! if an idea feels wrong, or like it just doesn't work, it's probably because some part of you is detecting a conflict between some part of the idea and the overall logic of your story. every decision you make as you write is formed by and checked against your own experiential logic, and also by the internal logic of your story, which is far less developed (or at least, one would hope), and therefore more prone to the occasional laspe

but while ive seen a number of articles that discuss the logic of writing, i don't see people gushing as much about the art of editing and it's such a shame

the inner editor is so often characterized as the responsible parent to the writer's carefree child, or a relentless critic of the writer's unselfconscious, unpolished drivel

and it's like... maybe you just hate thinking critically about your work! maybe you view it that way because you're imposing external standards too fiercely onto your writing, and it's sucked the joy out of shaping and sculpting your words until they sing. maybe you prefer to conceive of your writing as divine communication, the process of which must remain unencumbered by lessons learned through experience or the vulnerability of self-reflection, until the buzzkill inner editor shows up with all those "rules" and "conventions" that only matter if you're trying to get published

and like obviously the market doesn't dictate which conventions are worth following, but the majority of widely-agreed-upon writing standards, especially those aimed at beginners, (and most especially those regarding style, as opposed to story structure) have to do with the effectiveness and efficiency of prose, and, in addition to often serving as a shorthand for distinguishing an amateur from a pro, overall help to increase poignancy and clarity, which is crucial no matter the genre or type of writing. and even if you personally believe otherwise, it's better to understand the conventions so you can break them with real purpose.

so editing shouldn't be about trying to shove your pristine artistic masterpiece into a conventional mold, it should be about using the creative instincts of your ear and your logic and experience-based understanding of writing as a craft to hone your words until you've told your story as effectively as possible

thank u for coming to my ted talk ✌️

#long post //#editing #wref #sefa rambles

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repulsivepangolin7 · 4 years

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SEAL Team fic. Crush pt1

A/N: So, I recently fell into yet another wormhole and binged the first two seasons of SEAL team in less time than I should have used to watch it. I figured out a few things: 1. This show is freaking awesome once you get your bearings. 2. Sonny is cool, I dig him. 3. I love Full Metal (Like seriously, what a highly qualified dork!) And 4. There is NOT ENOUGH Scott Carter (Full Metal) fanfiction.

Oh, and as some of you MIGHT know… I’m too hung up on H/C and whump… Word count: 1860

You forget to be scared after a while. That was the truth for some of them at least. The problem wasn’t when you were neck deep in a FUBAR situation, it was when you were trying to get some shut-eye at home in your own bed. You took a deep breath and pushed the fear down and moved on.

But one thing was for sure, life had an impeccable way of telling you to take a breather every once in a while. Nature’s way of telling you to slow down a bit. A sucking chest wound, an arterial bleed, blood loss, a massive concussion. You know, stuff like that.

He tried getting his bearings as the dust settled. Last thing he remembered was someone yelling ‘incoming’ and diving for cover.

His sight was blurred and all sound seemed warped. His ears was ringing and his head was spinning, but it was nothing compared to the immense pain that was his left leg.

He forced himself up on his elbows, positive he was going to hurl as the world tilted on its axis. The sight that met him didn’t help too much.

One of the concrete walls had caved and landed on his leg. He barely stopped himself from trying to tug his leg free, he knew damn well it wouldn’t budge and all that would happen was that the pain would tenfold and he would probably do more damage to his leg than there already was.

Blood was soaking his tactical pants right above where the concrete block ended. First thing needing to happen was a tourniquet, then he had to get that thing off of his leg.

He barely noticed Bravo 1 ordering a radio check and sit rep before the fifth time he called him up by his nickname.

“Yeah. I’m here. Hear you Lima Charlie.” He sucked some air through his teeth, “My leg’s stuck under some rubble. Think I busted it.”

“Do you need assistance getting loose?”

“A-firm.” he took a second look at the bloody mess under the block of concrete, “Gonna need a tourniquet and help moving as well.”

“Okay, you’ve got it.” Jason paused, “Bravo 4, this is Bravo 1, you’re closest to Full Metal. Can you get to him? Out.”

“Bravo 1, Bravo 4. Sure can! Out.”

* * *

“Oh, damn…” Trent grumbled as soon as he had a visual on Full Metal, “How bad is it brother?”

“Think my leg is crushed.”

“Actual crushed?”

“Worse than just a break…” Metal gave a minimal shrug, but the pain written all over his features spoke volumes, “Hurts like hell.”

Trent nodded as he sat down beside Full Metal. “Tourniquet first. Then we’ll figure out how to move this.”

Full Metal nodded a bit, “I will be of minimal help during that part of this OP.”

“What? When we’re moving the block of concrete?”

He grimaced, “Something tells me whatever pain I’m experiencing right now is just a taste test of what’s to come once the initial shock wears off and my leg actually gets jostled.”

“I think you might be right, buddy.” Trent nodded, “You might want to administer at least 10mg of morphine before we start.”

“Already did.” Metal answered and reached for the spent auto-injector pen in order to wave it around and show it to Trent.

“Is it enough?” he asked as he dug a tourniquet out of his gear.

“Look at my leg. What do you think?” Full Metal growled, “Not gonna take anymore just yet, I’m gonna need it later as well.”

“Pretty sure the rest of us will be willing to share ours.”

“I don’t want to take so much one of you will actually have to keep an eye on me, to monitor for overdose.”

“I think you’re big enough to handle 20mg of morphine.” Trent shrugged as he leaned forward in order to wrap the tourniquet around Full Metal’s thigh, “This is gonna hurt…”

Full Metal nodded and placed his gloved knuckled between his teeth.

Trent wasn’t surprised when Full Metal suddenly went lax. He didn’t know the full extent of his injury, but one thing was for sure, it had to be painful as all hell. Full Metal wasn’t exactly one to fuzz over nothing, actually, he wasn’t one to fuzz over anything as far as Trent knew him. And syncope was a natural response to pain.

“Bravo 1, this is Bravo 4. We need additional manpower here to get Full Metal loose. Out.”

“Bravo 4, good copy. You think you’ll get him loose if Bravo 2 and 3 join up?”

Trent looked over the rubble and Full Metal, “Might need more. I estimate this block of concrete weighs 2.5 metric tons. We also need someone to drag Full Metal free once we’ve got that weight off his leg. He passed out when I put on the TQ. Think he’s coming back around now…”

“Okay, Bravo 5 you keep watch on the south corner, alert us of any movement south or east. The rest of us, help Bravo 4.”

The confirmations came in one after another.

“Havoc, this is Bravo 1. We are forced to divert from our plan, please alert us of any movement close to our position. Out.”

“Bravo 1, Good copy. Do you need anything else? Out.”

“Might need medevac. Out.”

“Site is considered a hot-zone. Is it critical? Out?”

“Haven’t got eyes on yet. Stand by for further information. Out.”

* * *

Clay, Sonny, Ray and Jason managed to lift the concrete block enough for Trent to pull Full Metal out from under it. None of them surprised when the big guy passed out for a second time.

The guys let go of the slab and it fell down, resting on some other rubble 3 or 4 inches off the ground.

“Let’s try to check and stabilize his leg while he’s still unconscious.” Trent called out as he started cutting away at the fabric of Full Metal’s pants. “Clay, find quickclot combat gauze, tape and regular gauze. Sonny, find cravats or anything that can be used to splint his left leg against his right leg. Jason and Ray, anything that can be used as cushioning between his legs and between his left leg and the cravats.”

They all hurried to their tasks.

“How does it look?”

“Open fracture above his ankle and below his knee. Multiple deformities from knee down. Lots of soft tissue damage. He needs to get proper medical attention, he’s at high risk for crush syndrome.” Trent rattled off as he took the things Clay handed him, “Clay, can you find Sodium Bicarbonate, a peripheral IV line and a FAST1.”

“Sodium Bicarb, peripheral IV line and FAST1.” Clay nodded, “Got it.”

* * *

He woke up to one of Trent’s thighs on each side of his head, not exactly his favorite position.

“Heya buddy, really hoped you would be out for 30 seconds more…” his teammate winked down at him. “I’m just gonna place a FAST1. Already have an orange IV running in your left arm. How are you feeling?”

“-Like I got run over by a wall.” Full Metal answered, trying to mask a grimace, “How’s my leg?”

“Crush injury, like you predicted. You’ve still got a pulse distal to most of the injuries, if you wondered about that. Have sodium bicarb trickling into that IV you have in your arm. We’re waiting for medevac, tricky situation with this still being a hot-zone.”

Metal nodded, “But I guess you think I need it?”

Trent nodded, “The sooner the better. But, I also think you could handle a couple of hours delay. I just want to avoid that if possible. We managed to cover the worst gashes and stabilize your left leg against your right while you were out of it.”

Full Metal nodded a bit, taking in the information. “So. Crush injury. Muscle mass gets damaged, releases toxins. Clogs up kidneys. Renal failure. Am I right?” Full Metal met Trent’s eyes.

“Kinda. But that’s what the sodium bicarb is for.” Trent winked, “That, and they’ll probably load you up with saline once medevac gets here. How’s your pain?”

“Way too damn high.” he rolled his eyes a little, “7, I guess.”

“I’d guess 8 or 9…” Trent shrugged, “You passed out. Twice.”

“Probably won’t be the last time either.”

Trent nodded, “But, just looking at you and listening to you. I’d guess about a 4.”

“That’s why we call him Full Metal…” Sonny winked as he came into Metal’s view as well, “Seriously man, you are allowed to show that this hurts. I would’ve sounded like an air-raid alert. How are ya?”

Full Metal shook his head a bit, “Not good.”

“Maybe you should take that second injector…” Trent said as he readied the FAST1 introducer, “No need for you to suffer more than necessary.”

“You said it yourself. This is still a hot-zone. Medevac has unknown ETA.” Full Metal swallowed hard, “Might be here in 15 mikes, might take 6 hours. Or more. Have to save some for later.”

“We’ve got plenty.” Sonny said as he squeezed his shoulder, “You’re in pain. A lot of it.”

“I’m nauseous enough already.” Full Metal shot back, “Can’t remember morphine helping any in that department.”

“No, but it’ll help with the pain. And that might ease nausea.” Trent quipped back as he placed the introducer against Full Metal’s skin, “Ready?”

He got a short nod in return and pushed the introducer down.

The operator on the ground let out a single expletive and gritted his teeth.

“Sorry about that…”

“We’re good.” Full Metal nodded and held his fist up for Trent to bump it.

All of the sudden their earpieces buzzed on, “Bravo team, this is Havoc. Looks like we’ve a group of 4, potentially 5, Tango’s headed your way in a pickup with a mounted machine gun.”

Jason replied. The guys got their orders and quickly followed through.

“Bravo 1, this is Bravo 5, I have eyes on the pickup. Should I engage? Out.”

* * *

By the time Trent, Sonny and Clay had carried Full Metal to safety, the building they were in was once again taking heavy fire.

This time, Full Metal hadn’t passed out due to pain from being jostled. Probably because the injection had been given the time to reach full effect.

“You think you’ll be okay down here by yourself?” Sonny asked as he helped Metal lean up against his backpack.

Full Metal nodded slightly, his eyes squeezed closed as he prayed for the pain to pass.

“Hey, Full Metal…”

“Yeah?”

“Are you going to be okay down here by yourself?”

He nodded a bit more, “Yeah. As soon as I stop feeling like I’m gonna pass out.”

“Do you want me to stay here with you?” Sonny asked, “Or Clay, or Trent…”

“No-NO…” Full Metal shook his head, “I’m a big boy. Can take care of myself.”

Trent raised an eyebrow, “Alright, big boy… Just radio if you change your mind.”

Full Metal raised his thumb in order to show that the message was received and understood.

#SEAL Team #Full Metal #Fullmetal #seal team cbs #fanfiction #seal team fanfiction #scott carter

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writeanapocalae · 4 years

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Breaking Down Hell Part 27

The book was made completely out of gold, the pages thin enough gold leaf that they would crumble under the wrong touch. Maxia stared at the page that it was on, trying to read through all of the names. It was, thankfully, in order of date, so that made it easy to find the most recent souls that had been brought to Hell. Every name was written in almost incomprehensibly small letters, made of thin red ink. Maxia could read them, if he got close enough, but even then he had to squint.

Ralucad’s hands were softer than Maxia’s, more experienced at handling delicate things. He had a good many books in his shop and glass and eggshells that had been hollowed out and turned into art. He was able to touch the gold pages without issue, wiping his hands on a white patch of his shirt to remove any oils that may have been on them before touching.

He went right to the end of the book, where names were being added, bleeding into existence right there on the page. It was quick though unsurprisingly so, one every second then a little burst and then nothing for a moment before going back to one or two a second. Timely had been gone a few hours, it would take a while to find them.

When Ralucad had backtracked enough to find them it was with a quick “Aha!” He pointed the name out and Maxia came closer, looking around his side as he was too short to look over his shoulder.

Timely 15:46 PST June 19th, 2021 V

At first it was elation that Maxia felt, looking at the little bit of information that they had but then there was a V and Maxia whispered a curse under his breath.

“What’s the problem?” Ralucad asked, noticing immediately.

“The fifth circle of Hell is Anger. It is the home of The River Styx, it is a constant war zone. If Timely is there they may not remember us enough to come with us, may not remember anything, and if they do they may be too possessed by rage to do anything about it.”

“Does it affect the living as much as the dead?”

Maxia had to think on that. As far as he knew only a few living souls had ever made it into Hell and most of them never left again. While there were tales of their journies there were very few facts to follow them.

“I don’t know. I would assume so, however.” He wanted to go, to get down to the fifth ring of Hell quickly, find Timely and see for himself what the outcome of their time in Hell had done to them.

Ralucad wasn’t moving though, even though he only had a specific window of time in which he could be in Hell. He was still flipping through the book, going backwards through it.

“What are you looking for now?”

“Illidan went missing twenty years ago,” Ralucad explained. “Effa told us that the sword was possessed with a woman’s soul. This would be the best chance to get an idea where it is.”

That was a good point, after all, and Maxia moved close to him once more, taking a look down at the book. Ralucad was flipping through the pages at a high speed, almost skipping the need to be careful with them. But then he stopped, a few milligrams of rough edged pages from the end. His eyes were quick and a bit too red as he looked them over, running down the lines of information in far too small a font.

He pointed at the name when he found it and Maxia did his best to ignore the slight tremor in his hand.

Illidan Fastrass 9:27 CT August 15th, 1991 IV

“Greed.” Maxia breathed out, “What would she be doing there?”

“She is a sword,” Ralucad pointed out, “So I doubt it has much to do with her choice in the matter.” He closed the book, set it back in its place. “Either way, how do we get to the fourth level of Hell? Not to mention the fifth?”

Maxia looked back to the door. He knew the way. He knew how to do this. But that was all just theory. He hadn’t actually been in Hell before. He hadn’t seen any of the routes that his father had told him about. He wasn’t really looking for them either. Now though, he had no idea how to find them.

“Perhaps our guide can tell us how?”

Ralucad shook his head, some of his red hair falling out of the twist. “I don’t like that thing.”

“Understandable. I think it hates you.”

“It’s allowed to hate me. It has no reason not to.”

@writinginslowmotion @mirror-of-too-many-books

#my writing #breaking down hell #maxia #ralucad

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asroarke · 5 years

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ASROARKE’S 2018 FIC RECS

Last year, I made a fic rec list of all my favorites from 2017, so I’m making this into a tradition! To me, there’s no better way to kick off the new year than to celebrate all the beautiful works that our community created in 2018. So, here is a list of my favorites from this past year. Each of these put a smile on my face and made the world just a bit brighter. So thank you... not just to the writers I tag in this post, but to all the fanfiction writers out there.

Don’t Wake Me, I’m Not Dreaming by @grumpybell

Rated: M | Chapters: 3/3 | Words: 56k+

He turns his head to the side to look at her, so Clarke mirrors him. They aren't touching, but they're lying close, fingertips nearly brushing. The moment stretches out, spanning centuries in just a few breaths. Anything is possible here.

He links his pinky with hers, a point of contact. An anchor.

a Bellarke Modern AU in which Clarke has the ability to visit other people’s dreams and Bellamy… is kind of a special case.

I want to do to you what spring does to the cherry trees by @enoughtotemptme

Rated: E | Chapters: 5/5 | Words: 35k+

Clarke Griffin was born in space, where her life had been mapped out for her: become a doctor like her mother, be a dutiful daughter and friend, match with a partner and have a child, so the human race could continue to live.

It had been an easy life to contemplate, because there were no choices. There was only one path for her to follow, and only one life.

Being branded a criminal and being sent to the ground changed all of that.

Finding out there were people alive on earth changed it all again.

Suddenly she was free.

Suddenly she was faced with thousands of choices, very few of them easy or simple.

Except one.

Inspired by an anonymous ask from three years ago. Season 1 Canon-Divergent Grounder!Bellamy AU.

Guy in Your MFA by @bettsfic

Rated: E | Chapters: 13/13 | Words: 42k+

Clarke, failing to get into med school, accepts an offer into a creative writing MFA instead. So far so good, except there’s this writer in the program everyone keeps talking about like he’s some kind of prose god. When she meets him, she assumes he’s going to be a pretentious asshole. She’s ready to hate him. She wants to hate him.

But then he ends up being actually kind of a nice guy.

And she may or may not fall stupidly in love with him.

I Hear You’re Somewhere In the Sand by @ponyregrets

Rated: E | Chapters: 2/2 | Words: 21k+

Bellamy knows that the best way to deal with his plus-one for the company cruise breaking up with him would be to just tell his boss that he's not bringing anyone after all, but his boss seemed so happy that he finally had a girlfriend, he'd really rather not.

He was hoping Raven would just come with him, but when she tells him her ex-boyfriend runs an escort service and could find him someone, well, that works too, right? He could use some professional help.

I’ll Give You That by @youleftme-clarke

Rated: E | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 6k+

Clarke wants to know what sex is like. Bellamy offers to show her. Feelings happen.

I'm bad at summaries but this is super soft/mildly praise-kinky Bellarke PWP. The dirty talk is very real. It's also the filthiest thing I've ever written, so there's that.

Lost & Found by @tracylorde

Rated: G | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 2k

Alex said: alright which one of us is gonna write the fic where bellamy goes off on a tangent to Clarke about someone not returning his book (probably Murphy) years ago and leaving him with an incomplete set, and then Clarke helps him get the book back (while high key falling in love with his nerdy self, or maybe she had been in love with him all along???)?

...so I did :)

when there’s nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire by @octannibal-blake

Rated: M | Chapters: 7/? | Words: 32k+

The first time she meets Bellamy Blake, he's spitting blood into a dirty bathroom sink somewhere on the outskirts of Polis. Or: the angsty bellarke boxing fic literally no one asked for.

of flight delays and tinder matches by fathomless

Rated: NR | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 1.5k

Inspired by the tweet, "My flight was delayed 3 hours so I was doing what any human does when they're bored. Minding my own business swiping through tinder & the guy behind me goes 'ouch hard no for that one?' And I turn around ONLY TO SEE THE MAN I JUST SWIPED NO ON RIGHT BEHIND ME HAHAHA"

the land was godless and free by @hawthornewhisperer

Rated: M | Chapters: 4/4 | Words: 16k

Wind ruffled his hair and Bellamy watched the countryside slide past. Acres of corn stretched all the way to the horizon, broken only by fences and the occasional lone farmhouse. Farther south the farmland had turned to dust, but up here, they were still plodding along.

It felt like that’s all the country had been doing for the past four years— plodding along. Bellamy had tried to make do at first, but the factory shut down for good two years ago and with it went the last available jobs nearby. Bellamy was forced to leave Octavia in Indra’s care and set out, looking for whomever would hire him.

Turned out, thousands of other men had had the same idea. So Bellamy became one of a roving band of men who moved from town to town in search of work. They traveled by the rail lines, and some had come to like it too much, in his opinion. Those men clumped into groups and he had fallen in with one at first but quickly learned to steer clear, their naked greed and viciousness turning his stomach.

Now he traveled more or less alone, watching for his stop out the open train car door on a cloudless, searing day.

Set The Dark On Fire by @talistheintrovert

Rated: T | Chapters: 3/3 | Words: 48k

Clarke isn't coping well with peacetime on the Eligius ship, and while Bellamy has woken some of the others (mainly spacekru) and tries to organise a trip to the ground, making decisions and considering all the variables, Clarke makes a choice of her own:

She'll take herself out of the equation.

OR: the post season 5 idea I had to write because all of the unresolved emotional turmoil this season is actually killing me and someone needs to notice that Clarke is in pain, for the love of god.

les rêves amoureux by @eleanor-sheleanor

Rated: E | Chapters: 1/3 | Words: 3k

“The water makes you sick?” Bellamy asked, raising an eyebrow. The man from Eligius IV shook his head.

“Not physically sick. But it might give you hallucinations."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bellamy drinks water from another planet and has a sex dream which is .... vivid, to say the least.

#bellarke fanfiction #fic recs #bellarke ff #2018 fic rec list #and this list is by no means exclusive #a lot of the things i had marked as faves on tumblr disappeared during the purge #so i did the best i could by memory

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natures-cunning-ways · 6 years

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The Great Kiss Poll results are in...

Thank you to all 266 people who voted. I don’t think there are many surprises here, so let’s just get straight to the results. The winner, with 27.8% of the vote, was Bergamo. It is therefore crowned the most popular kiss. If you’re forgotten it, it looks like this:

It was very closely followed by the first kiss/the berm with 27.1% of the vote. Yes, you read correctly, there was less than 1% between them.

Most people gave a second and third choice. I had a play around with giving the different choices points and adding them up (e.g. 3 points for a first choice, 2 for second, 1 for third) but however you look at it, you end up with basically the same results.

The only slight difference in order is if you add up every vote- so first, second or third choice all get 1 vote. As you can see below, the first kiss gets very slightly more overall votes than Bergamo- therefore the highest number of people have the first kiss as one of their top 3 kisses compared to the others.

(The after midnight kiss is the least popular whichever way you look at it. I don’t like to judge but what’s wrong with you all? It’s not my absolute favourite but everything about that kiss is gorgeous. Call me by your name and I’ll call you by mine, Elio, Oliver, Elio, Oliver, Elio... let’s seal this deal with a kiss, Elio grabs Oliver, Oliver with his eyes closed, blissfully happy, Elio with his eyes open, rolling onto Oliver... Anyway. Back to the point. Got distracted there for a moment.)

And there were a lot of comments. They’re below the cut if anyone’s interested!

Comments- alphabetically, just because that’s how the spreadsheet organised them.

((cries internally))

Actually my fav is the one i havent seen yet!!!

All of them make me cry and but at the same time

All of these are legendary but I guess the hip rolling really did me in and I chose that (Midnight) as my fave. Peach is the second because it's SO intimate, they are the most naked here emotionally and literally. I chose garden to finish my top3 because it's just so tender and lovely. I mean that could be said about each of these but since u made me evilly choose.... And I've got no idea how much I've written here because I only see this one line so I'll stop here. Have a lovely weekend and can't wait to see what is the fandom consensus

Bergamo is still the hottest

Choosing was the hardest thing ever

Cruel to make us choose!!!!

Gahhh the amount of sheer love in these gifsets makes my heart lurch

I can watch a 2 hour movie with those 2 just kissing. You think Luca could give that to us? Seriously, though, thanks for doing this!

I could watch the Bergamo kiss until the day I die

I like the garden because Timmy/Elio is so thirsty for his boy.

I love all the kissing!

I love them. Love to see how they touch each other, how they kiss, how they want to eat each other. I adore them.

I love you for this poll but I hate you for making me choose!!

I surprised myself by not picking Bergamo which is supposed to be THE kiss...

I'm in love with this survey, keep it up!

Im pretty sure this is the most difficult poll ive ever taken

It's really hard to choose all of them so so good. Thanks for this research and stay peachy!

Just love em

My fave is the Garden that evening. Timmy leans in and is controlling the kisses - maybe 1st tongue??

Not nearly enough kisses

Now I live here! Do I have to send or can I watch some more? Fuck! Ok bye!

Out of all the polls I’ve taken in my life this one is the best by far.

Peach scene because a) raw emotion and tenderness b) skin

Such a hard decision

Thank you for this heaven!

That little foot rub scene and how close they seemed even then, rubbing his hands on elios legs so lovingly and the little foot kiss afterwards

The first kiss scene is going to be remembered in film history as one of the most iconic kissing scenes ever.

The garden is the best but couldn’t see jt

The kisses feel so different to me. I find myself watching different ones at different times depending on what mood I’m in. The peach scene kiss makes me tear up. Bergamo almost makes me gasp for breath. With midnight/after midnight their being together just feels so right, after waiting so long. For weeks the garden scene was my favorite for the way Elio falls in to Oliver. And you can’t beat the anticipation from the first kiss. I love them

the peach kiss isn't the prettiest, but it's the charmiest

They are all perfect

They're all amazing but I'll never get over that kitten lick. The Post Midnight, Garden and Bergamo kisses all ended too soon.

They're all ridiculously well-done. This is impossible. Kinda have to vote by emotional weight instead of the kiss itself because the chemistry is off the charts in all of them. First, Peach, Midnight, Garden, Bergamo, After

This film singlehandedly revives the Art of the Kiss. Thanks so much 4 the poll!!

THIS IS CRUELTY I LOVE THEM ALL

This was impossible. I may have already changed my mind.

This was really hard to choose!

Toughest poll yet.

Unpopular opinion: I think Armie chickens out of the Bergamo kiss by wrapping his arm round Timmy in the classic Hollywood fake kiss fashion way... so we can't see their mouths anymore.

you're doing the lord's work, thank you

#the great kiss poll #kisses #cmbyn #cmbyn fandom #science #statistics

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yeetyeet2121yeet · 6 years

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All. Of. Them.

Oh god who are you? It's 1:30am! I'll do 100 questions for you, Anon1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?•The Curse of Curves - Cute is What We Aim For•Bang Bang - Green Day•Revolution Radio - Green Day• Family - Mother Mother• Summer Dress - July Talk• If U Seek Amy - Britney Spears2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?Probably Dan/Phil3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.'I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me'-page 22 of Will Grayson Will Grayson bc page 21 only had 16 lines4: What do you think about most?How people see me 5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? Gn - the wise words of Ryley6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?Depends lol7: What’s your strangest talent?well, for being 14 I can talk people out of suicide pretty well8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)GIRLS LOVE GIRLS AND BOYSBoys can wear makeup too9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?yeah, multiple times, both songs and poems10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?like, a week ago11: Do you have any strange phobias?I bloody hate having my window exposed at night 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?yeah13: What’s your religion?I'm not religious 14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?probably making flower crowns15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?It depends16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?OH GOD NO I CAN'T17: What was the last lie you told?I told someone I was okay18: Do you believe in karma?sort of19: What does your URL mean?It's my preferred name and the year I was born20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?I think my forgiveness is both21: Who is your celebrity crush?hmmm,,,,, I don't really have one22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?yeah23: How do you vent your anger?I text a friend and rant 24: Do you have a collection of anything?yes25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?Video chats26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?Well, the real me, yes. The me I present at home and school, no. 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?My mother's voiceMy friends' voices28: What’s your biggest “what if”?What if everyone is just pretending to like me?29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?I'm not sure about ghosts, but aliens have to exist. 30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.R- A wallL- my bookshelf31: Smell the air. What do you smell?Me. I smell me. I smell my room. 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?Home. 33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?West because British Columbia 34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?OHGOD I CANT35: To you, what is the meaning of life?To be true to yourself36: Define Art.Anything you create37: Do you believe in luck?Yes38: What’s the weather like right now?Dark af, but mosty cool39: What time is it?1:36am40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?nah and nah 41: What was the last book you read?Carrie • Stephen King 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?HELL YEAH43: Do you have any nicknames?Yep! Annie, Bean Stalk, Ann, Jo, Twinkie Jo, Daddy (my guy friends are wierd shush), Master (once again, my guy friends hate me) and Hoe44: What was the last film you saw?Rocky Horror Picture Show 45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?Well, I had a soft palate cleft as a baby, but it wasn't as bad as the stuff you see on TV. Mine was just in the roof of my mouth46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?Yeppo47: Do you have any obsessions right now?nah48: What’s your sexual orientation?I don't label that. I like who I like when I like them.49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?oh hell yeah50: Do you believe in magic?Yes51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?For a week or 2, then I get over it52: What is your astrological sign?Libra 53: Do you save money or spend it?Save54: What’s the last thing you purchased?Three Days Grace • Three Days Grace (CD)55: Love or lust?Love56: In a relationship?Nope57: How many relationships have you had?One, and he was a douche58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?nah59: Where were you yesterday?In my room. 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?nope61: Are you wearing socks right now?its 1:43 am hell no62: What’s your favourite animal?cat63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?Listen to them. Pay attention to them64: Where is your best friend?Calgary or like, some hard to spell state ( @unbuttered-toast help) 65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.@unbuttered-toast@nocturnal-spleen@dennys@psych2go@accio-shitpost66: What is your heritage?Uhm, like Ukrainian, Irish, English, round them parts67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?Talking to Roan68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?McBitch69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?..yeah..70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?yes, ofc71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?SAVE THE PUPPO 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a) yea ofcb) I'd be 100% mec) maybe. I don't know73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.Love, bc trust is a part of love 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?The Danny Phantom theme. Shut up. 75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?451476: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?TRuST and COMMuNICATION77: How can I win your heart?Be a decent human, ffs. 78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?Maybe. 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?Reaching out to people on here, bc ive made so many friends 80: What size shoes do you wear?Like, 5?81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?You got what you wanted. Don't you dare cry now. 82: What is your favourite word?Trust83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.Love84: What is a saying you say a lot?SUck My ASs85: What’s the last song you listened to?The Curse of Curves • Cute is What We Aim For 86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?Black, purple, silver, gold87: What is your current desktop picture?Literally its just black. Nothing else. Just black. 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?Matt/Jaxon89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Who I really am, but only around my school peeps and relatives90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?Fucking kill myself before they can91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?Mind reading92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?That half hour at camp where we were all watching Up, and Roan and I were cuddling, Ty had my hand, and Lily was lying on my legs. That was a good half hour. 93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?All the bad things that happen at home94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?No one, they're all WAY older than me 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?America to see my friends 96: Do you have any relatives in jail?Probably, its my fucking relatives97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?Yep98: Ever been on a plane?Nope99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?FOR FUCKS SAKE LOVE EACH OTHER

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thejourneytomyheart · 3 years

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May 7th, 2021- My Surgery Info

I’m back! It has been a little while since I have written. Mostly because, well, life. Life is busy and chaotic. Also, it’s been mostly uneventful the past year with COVID. However, the positive of that is that I have just been able to be spending time with Scarlett. And my blog was mostly about my journey to getting Scarlett. So I haven’t posted much else because we got her and that is the end (or new beginning) of that chapter. This post sort of goes with that theme.

I am going to apologise in advance if something doesn’t make sense. I am trying to watch as I go. I am on high pain meds as I type this. Why? That is why I am updating.

***The short version- I had surgery today, May 7th, to remove my left ovary and tube. When they got in there they were actually able to save the ovary and only took the tube. They did send something to pathology, but he said it didn’t look “too bad”. It was laparoscopic and I am home now recovering. If you want to know more and what led to this, keep reading.

Full backstory:

I had been having pain. Pain in my pelvic area since after Scarlett was born. Obviously that is normal after growing a human and pushing it out down there. SO I didn’t think anything of it. 6 months past, still had it, one year came so I mentioned it to my OB. She said it really shouldve went away but since it’s getting better (and it was and less often) then it’s possible to just be leftover from that.

Well, it got less and less. But, I would have flare ups. And when it hurt, it hurt. It was not just my pelvis, but my lower back, hips, groin, buttocks, etc. So this didn’t seem like an OB issue. I just let it go. Until I randomly had a could of days that it flared up and I literally could not walk. It was awful. I thought maybe it was something I needed to see a chiropractor for. BUT, I still believe whatever it was stemmed from giving birth. So, FINALLY, I decided to call my OB. Got the pap smear. Came back normal. But she ordered an ultrasound.

So, on April 9, I went for the ultrasound. Then I was supposed to discuss the results with my doctor in an hour. Well, she got called away for a delivery. So they set me up with a virtual consult with her the following Wednesday, April 14th.

April 14th- Consult with my doctor. She said there was “a lot going on in there”. Some fibroids and small cysts that can be normal, blah blah, but she wasn't worried about them. BUT, on the other side there was a huge cyst. About 5-6 cm, so 2.5 inches. She was a little concerned about the size, but what most concerned her was that it had “several small nodules with vascularity”. So normally cysts are fluid filled. Women have them all the time and don’t know. The body normally absorbs them. But they can get big, they can rupture or burst. I have had one burt before (multiple times) and that is THE WORST pain I have had in my life. It landed me in the ER three times. AWFUL. If you know you know. Then came the words… I am referring you to a gynecological oncologist/surgeon. We need this out and it will need to be tested. Beyond that, it is his expertise. The Cancer Center will be calling you to set up an appointment. That word is scary. Cancer. You hear it all the time, but it sounds different when it’s about you.

I get home and I am still shocked, numb, but still not sure about anything. Then I have to tell justin and of course he is very concerned. And doing things he shouldn’t do (googling).

They call me the next day. And set up an appointment April 27th. That seemed so far away, but apparently we were expedited and that was quick. The next two weeks were filled with so much mental exhaustion. (Also, dealing with a TWO year old, and end of the year school stuff). It was two weeks and thinking, and reading, and googling, and talking about the WHAT IFS. You can’t help but let your mind wander.

Finally the consult came. It didn’t give much more information. Basically you can’t know anything until they go in and look. Based on age, bloodwork, family history…. The textbook answer is that it is nothing. Of course, we all know there are exceptions. So it needed to come out. They decided they needed to take the left ovary and tube. Obviously the cyst would come out as well to be tested. The more scary part is when he mentioned that once he gets in there, if it has spread then we may need to take more...the uterus, the other tube, and ovary, etc… I want another baby, so this hit hard. We left, still in shock and waiting for a call to schedule the surgery. Went for ice cream, because…..ice cream. While there we got the call. May 7th.

So the next two weeks were a lot of thinking and planning. WHat do I do with and how will this affect taking care of Scarlett? How long can’t I work? What if…? SO many thoughts. Decided to take a full week off work. I know it is laparoscopic but I still feel like I might need a week. Writing 6 days of sub plans was the worst. And then lining up things with Scarlett. Then Justin has to make some sacrifices with soccer to be home more and help with babysitter drop off and pick up. I like to be in control of all of that.

Then I asked about weight restrictions (in my mind it will be like 20 lbs for like a week or 2. Imagine my shock when they tell me that recovery time is 2-6 weeks. And lifting restrictions at 10 lbs for 6 weeks. I immediately panicked. FIrst , I had to run down to my boss and tell her. Luckily she was really nice about it. Then, I was freaking out because I have a two year old that is 22 lbs.

So here we are, May 7th. Had to get up at 4 am to drink some gatorade by 5. We had to get to the hospital by 6. My mom stayed the night to stay with Scarlett in the morning because the sitter doesn’t open til 7. We get there, get registered and I go back for pre op. Pretty uneventful. I have never had surgery before so I was so scared. Had to wash up, get undressed, get the IV started. The anesthesiologist came in to talk. The surgeon came in to talk. Then they whisked me back to the operating room around 7:45.

Being wheeled into the operating room was THE SCARIEST. I started crying. In my head I was like, why didn’t they put me to sleep before bringing me in there. It was just a huge white, cold room, like you see on tv. Just one little skinny metal table in the middle with the big metal lights and people rushing around to get ready. The nurses were super nice and walked me through everything they were doing. They had country music on. This is how fast I was out...I have 2.5 songs that I remember. They put me on the metal table then had to strap me down because it was so small. Both arms were out and strapped and over my torso. They told me they were gonna take good care of me and I was going to fall asleep and wake up in no time. BOOM

My surgery was scheduled to be from 8:00-10:00.

Next thing I am “waking up” really just opening my eyes for a minute at I see a clock. I was in recovery and it was only 9:00. Nurse came in, said they actually only had to take the tube because the ovary was fine. Since I want more kids, he left it. And nothing else. They did send the solid mass to pathology to be tested. We will know those results in two weeks. I just have 3 small incisions. One is a little bigger to get it out. Then I fell back asleep until they brought Justin back at 9:30. He said I was actually done at 8:35. Then I was in and out 9:30-10:30. At 10:30 they said I could get dressed whenever I felt like it and recover at home. I literally thought I was going to be there til late afternoon/evening. Also, because it ended up being less than they thought, they think they may be able to back my restrictions to only 2-3 weeks instead of 6. (driving, working, lifting), which is a relief. I have to call him next week to ask. And then he will have to evaluate me before he releases me to do that. So, honestly, best case scenario. I do feel a little guilty because I am so lucky when I know others aren’t. But that just humbles me and makes me so very thankful.

Getting up was rough, dizziness, nausea, pain….. So it took a while. But by 11:40 we were on the road home. The ride home was AWFUL. I was sooo dizzy and thought I was going to vomit (but I didn’t). Got home and ate because i was starving. Then went to sleep (painful, but manageable). Just woke up. It is 4:30 ish. Wanted to write this and then I can take pain meds again.

Justin went to get Scarlett. I am worried about her wanting me to hold her. But, it is only temporary.

*No idea if this was due to Ivf, but very possible. Still worth it. Even if they would’ve had to take everything, I’d do it all again to get Scarlett.

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covid19updater · 4 years

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COVID19 UPDATES 03/27/2020

Livestream of FDNY radio traffic for a taste of the battle being fought: LINK

WRAPPING UP WEEK 2 OF FULLTIME TELEWORK, THIS CAPTURES THE NEW NORMAL:

RUMINT (PA): Hospital INTEL (eastern PA). Currently on 14 day quarantine from work in the ER. Hospitals running out of everything. Don't go outside. Getting bad out there.

US: U.S. coronavirus cases: - New York: 37,738 (385 deaths) - New Jersey: 6,876 (81 deaths) - California: 3,718 (78 deaths) - Michigan: 2,856 (60 deaths) - Washington: 2,580 (132 deaths) - Illinois: 2,538 (26 deaths) - Massachusetts: 2,417 (25 deaths) - Louisiana: 2,305 (83 deaths)

France: BREAKING - A teenager has died from #COVID19 for the first time in France - the 16-year-old patient died in the Paris region, confirmed the French Health Minister.

NYC: NEW: Five hundred more cops called in sick Thursday — leaving NYPD without 11 percent of its officers who patrol the city streets as the coronavirus continues to disrupt staffing in the department, The Post has learned.

Georgia: Georgia's worst-hit hospital fills 3 ICU units with 'critically ill' coronavirus patients. LINK

RUMINT (Massachusetts): Update on my family member. Started showing symptoms on Monday.He took a turn for the worse today started having severe coughing fits and his temp jumped to 103. His wife called the hospital, they assigned her a number when his number is up an ambulance will pick him up. Took about 20 to 30 mins before an ambulance came to get him. His wife is also symptomatic they have been married for just over 60 years. It's a sad day. This is where we are now in MA.You have to wait in line at home before they come and get you. This is going to get so much worse.

Michigan: Michigan 2856 cases 60 deaths

World: With Few Willing to Fly, Airliners Are Transforming Into Cargo Planes LINK

US: Potential impact of idiotic Spring Breakers. LINK

World: Covid-19: Up to 10% of recovered patients test positive later, say Wuhan doctors LINK

RUMINT: Nurse here, boots on the ground checking in: Seeing a lot of patients come in for rule out of course. The sickies who are looking septic and need respiratory support (from NC to high flow to vent) are often young--ive seen 20s-50s. A few have "poop colored" sputum...not rusty, but brown. I've had a truly shitty day as a few on my team (that covers the entire hospital including ER, ICU and COVID unit) arent being as diligent and are putting myself and others at risk. They think I'm being over anxious and micromanaging. Suit yourself...but since 98% of patients whether covid, rule out or not have barking coughs and need oxygen...I'm not taking chances. Its disheartening and I came this close to either flipping out or walking out. And yes, PPE shortage is real as hell and too scary. Our hospital system actually approved a pattern for cloth masks to be sewn. We are encouraged to seek out our own respirators/N95s as the current supply will only go so far and only last so many uses.

Iran: Iranian media reports nearly 300 people have been killed and more than 1,000 sickened by ingesting toxic methanol across the Islamic Republic out of the false belief it kills the new coronavirus - AP

UK: The Government has written to all local authorities in England asking them to house all people sleeping rough,those in hostels and night shelters by the weekend in a bid to protect people during the covid-19 outbreak

Spain: Spain Returns 1st Faulty Batch Test Kits To China As They Failed To Work; Spanish Association Of Microbiologists (Seimc) Warned That The Testing Kits In This Batch Performed With An Accuracy Level Of Under 30%

UK: Prime Minister Boris Johnson tested positive for Covid 19

Spain: SPAIN'S HEALTH EMERGENCY CHIEF SAYS 9,444 HEALTH WORKERS TESTED POSITIVE TO CORONAVIRUS

Italy: HEAD OF ITALY'S NATIONAL HEALTH COUNCIL SAYS ON THE BASIS OF THE DATA IT IS INEVITABLE THAT ITALY'S LOCKDOWN MUST BE EXTENDED BEYOND CURRENT APRIL 3 DATE

Massachusetts: 8 Boston Police Officers have tested positive for Corona Virus. LINK

UK: UK HEALTH SECRETARY HANCOCK TESTS POSITIVE - SELF ISOLATING AT HOME, SYMPTOMS MILD

RUMINT (New York): My cousin is a nurse in New York, she texted me this. I haven’t personally taken care of any covid patients yet thank god but I’m being transferred to a covid unit on Monday which I’m not looking forward to.. more worried about my family than myself, I don’t want to infect anyone when I get home. But what you see on the news is real, lots of people being ventilated, it’s so sad/scary and the hospitals don’t even have enough masks/ protective gear for us it’s so terrible; can’t wait for this to all be over!! New York is truly a mess we pretty much are on lock down.

RUMINT (Mississippi): Good morning! Sipping my coffee getting ready to go to work. Got word last night that due to low census, they are CUTTING nurses in the ER by 4. I cannot tell you how this is going to crush the morale of the already stressed out nurses I work with. I no longer feel guilty about leaving. That place is going to kill people with their incompetence. They cite "budget" reasons. Um, you've already budgeted for the minimal staffing for the year, which is 12 nurses a shift, so that shit doesn't fly with me. One day the people will come back with a vengeance and the nurses will be the one's to suffer, not management. Fuckers. The non-emergent people have heeded the warning to stay away from the ER unless you are having a CVA, MI, Bleeding or have a bone showing. The drop in census is about 50 pts a day which is not that much to me, but the suits think it's significant. That's 2 pts an HOUR. It goes to show the bullshit that usually packs the waiting rooms. Maybe people will realize they can live without running to the ER for stupid stuff that they can treat at home, but I digress. We've had 6 deaths in Mississippi so far. Since we've started testing our cases have steadily gone up. Scary for this sparsely populated state, but I kept telling them it was coming. Nobody seemed to listen or care until it was on their doorstep.

Connecticut: UConn Health doctor arrested after allegedly coughing on medical employees intentionally LINK

NYC: The NYPD has lost their 1st member of their department from the corona virus.

World: Two sailors aboard another aircraft carrier, Japan-based USS Ronald Reagan, have tested positive for Covid-19: U.S. officials The naval base outside Tokyo where Reagan is currently pier-side has now been put on lockdown through the weekend.

Italy: Italy Cases +5959 in last 24 hrs. Deaths +919 in last 24 hrs.

NYC: From listening to the FDNY radio traffic livestream (link at top of today’s post) since 6am this morning, I have personally heard a LOT of calls go out for respiratory distress that have then been upgraded to CPR in progress. Not good.

World: WHO'S TEDROS SAYS A VACCINE IS AT LEAST 12-18 MONTHS AWAY #CoronavirusOutbreak

NY: #NewYork to build eight temporary hospitals to meet an expected surge in #coronavirus patients: @NYGovCuomo

California: California Governor Gavin Newsom: "We project that roughly 56 percent of our population -- 25.5 million people -- will be infected with the virus over an eight-week period."

UK: BREAKING: Birmingham Airport (#UK) confirmed as temporary mortuary site to house 1,500 bodies in #coronavirus pandemic.

US/World: #BREAKING: 4 dead aboard Holland America Zaandam. Ship is currently off the coast of Panama and intends to dock at Port Everglades next week. There are reports from Panama that the Zaandam has been denied crossing the Panama Canal. That could be why it appears to be holding right now.

Michigan: Mental breakdown of crying ICU nurse from Michigan hospital after 13 hour shift. War zone conditions. LINK

Italy: The list of doctors who died for Covid-19 from north to south Italy is growing hour by hour. The total reached 51 deaths, learns from the Federation of doctors' orders.

China: China Shuts Down All Cinemas, Again

NYC: More than 500 members of the NYPD have now contracted the coronavirus, a spokesman said.- 486 uniformed officers - 71 civilians employees. The number of cops out sick was not immediately known.

NYC: DELIVERY TRUCKS REFUSING TO ENTER NEW YORK CITY ON CORONAVIRUS FEARS: MSNBC

New Jersey: Lakewood Police, where the most #coronavirus cases are in Ocean County, break up another wedding, @OCPONJ files charge as state & @NewJerseyOAG get serious about large gatherings.

Texas: Woman describes sister’s battle with COVID19. LINK

Texas: 36% of hospitalized patients require admission to the ICU, Dallas County officials say

California: It’s incredible and eerie at the same time. A MASH unit being set up by the Air @CalGuard; at the Santa Clara Convention Center. This is for the expected surge of #COVID19 next week. 250 beds for those discharged by hospital but still ordered to isolate. LINK

France: LATEST DEATH TOLL IN FRANCE FROM CORONAVIRUS STANDS AT 1,995 DEATHS (VS 1,696) - PUBLIC HEALTH OFFICIAL

World: Holland America says 53 guests and 85 crew have flue like symptoms on the Zaandam.There are 4 doctors and 4 nurses onboard. The 4 guests who passed away were older, the cruise line says. The cruise left Buenos Aires on March 7th. No one has been off the ship since March 14th.

Ohio: Citing @ClevelandClinic, @GovMikeDeWine says pandemic will "kick in much harder" in about 2 weeks, & peak may not come until mid-May. State will likely have to triple its hospital capacity.

RUMINT (Rhode Island): Some backwoods intel that the National Guard is on the RI-CT border on RT 95 stopping cars from NY and NJ from entering RI

NYC: NBC News: Right now the FDNY has approximately 170 calls holding, which means that if you don't have a serious medical issue you may be waiting awhile for an ambulance.

Turkey: BREAKING - Turkey’s President is about to give a national address about #COVID19 following two rapid acceleration days taking the coronavirus case count past 5,000. Rumors of a shutdown.

California: #BREAKING: In less than a week, LA County has more than tripled in its number of confirmed cases, according to Los Angeles County Public Health Director Dr. Barbara Ferrer.

Ohio: (@GovMikeDeWine) If you don't believe that we could see 10,000 new cases a day -- We've tried to describe what the science tells us. Hospitals looking at the modeling and say that this is coming. It's here.The evidence indicates that cases will double every six days. This is a train that is moving. It starts slowly, but it will start moving faster and faster and faster.

NY: COMMANDING GENERAL OF U.S. ARMY CORPS OF ENGINEERS SAYS PLANS ON HAVING 2,900 ROOMS READY FOR NON-CORONAVIRUS PATIENTS IN JAVITS CENTER NEW YORK BY MONDAY

World: Coronavirus damages the heart after attacking the lungs, new study reveals LINK

California: "It's difficult for me to imagine that it won't happen here," says @MayorOfLA Eric Garcetti who predicts we're six to 12 days behind NYC in terms of #COVID19 cases. @KNX1070

South Carolina: SOUTH CAROLINA GOVERNOR ANNOUNCES THAT ANYONE ENTERING THE STATE FROM NEW YORK, NEW JERSEY, CONNECTICUT AND NEW ORLEANS WILL BE QUARANTINED FOR 14 DAYS - WMBF

Massachusetts: Boston to open a First a Responders only Covid-19 testing site at Suffolk Downs. LINK

China: Fighting erupts at Chinese bridge between Hubei, Jiangxi provinces. LINK

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survivor-kuwait · 5 years

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Episode 12 - “MADISON IS THE CANCER THAT NEEDS TO BE CUT OUT” - Ian

I had a 3 hour long call with Corey to debrief me on all the alliances he has been apart of getting made, the "Mighty Kids" meal or whatever they are calling themselves and the "Gayish" alliance, Corey, Madison, Kait, Thomas and Devon then Trace, Matt Corey and Madison respectively. I love the information share. Corey is really buying what Madison is selling and that is quite obvious to me, that's a battle for another day, the first battle is getting Matt out to open the game up. Corey told me that Madison really want's Timmy out next round but we discussed that it would not be ideal given the circumstances of numbers/alliances and our true game desires. We need people that will vote against Matt, Again thank you Matt for working with me even though you're not for saying Corey is a threat. Check your game buddy. The current plan is to take out Trace next round, bleed Matt, then take out Matt the next round. Ideally we make both these moves happen without burning any of our advantages but if we have to we will. Trace burned me for Matt, he has to go.

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What I need to do is get all the "untouchables" working together, Maynor, Timmy, Cullan, and Chips. The people that aren't in those alliances that Corey told me about. The problem is how to go about it organically without blow back on Corey for me knowing that this group of people are who others have written off as a boot list.

Stephen going was sad but he was totally rude to Chips. Like idk. But it looks like im good standing right now. Theres an alliance with me Kait Matt Timmy and Owen. Which is great and Ian wants to work with me as well. Corey wants to watch each others backs. I feel like i can make it far just need to be really smart. Timmy and I working together is so great since our other 2 games we killed each other. This challenge is going alright. Its not that bad. Ive beat level one.

MADISON IS THE CANCER THAT NEEDS TO BE CUT OUT, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN THIS TRIBE GOES THROUGH HER. EVERYONE BOUGHT WHAT SHE WAS SELLING. I'm about to fully embrace that every vote Madison gets this season is going to be mine, the Topaz idol is switched back to be wanting to be used on her instead of Matt

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Cullan killed that flash game. Props to him. I on the other had sucked but i finished one though. This tribal has been very quiet. Owen mentioned that the names were Thomas and Chips. Like Thomas likes me so i know it sucks but i would rather have Chips go. Gunna play it by ear tho.

My name is being thrown out because I have been inactive. Well sorry for having a job, going to school, and having a social life, I wish I could be just like them looollll

Supposedly the alliance of 6 is doing Trace, them plus me is 7 and it's a done deal. I'm a bit nervous long term about doing this move because it's really counting on Corey to pull through with the Bull and the Lion long term and will be on board to eat the Mighty Kids meal fuck all alliance after we get Matt out. Seriously if we can pull off the two player swing of voting off Trace and Matt, the people I've coined as the untouchables/undesirables could nab some power in the game. Again that heavily requires Corey to be ready to fly by the seat of his chair and eat the six. If he's not, then I'm sure Devon will be itching to do a move by then. Devon, my KS guy, don't fail me when I'll need you the most.

I have a lot of feelings and it's been a while since I confessed I feel. So Stephen voted Thomas because I told him to so I feel happy about that because he wanted to vote Owen or Matt and I said he wouldn't be able to get motion with those so do Thomas. Moving into today's vote. I wish Cullan didn't win immunity because I would love to vote him out...we don't click so he can go. I had heard Chips and Thomas which works for me bc I'm not working with them but now apparently Trace is throwing out Owen's name and I'm like wtf because I asked Trace what he has heard and he made no mention of this so I guess we're not close like I thought we were. Either way I'm sticking with my alliance on this one because they are the people I truly trust so let's make some waves.

It looks like the move now is to do Trace. Timmy and I are conflicted because we really like Trace but he could be a liability for us because he throws a name for some people and a different name to others. And people in our I miss Borders booksellers want to do Trace right now. Hopefully it works out for Timmy and I.

Everything went well last round, 12-1-1 which was almost expected EXCEPT I got a vote!!! Honestly I’m not completely convinced it was Trace.... idk. It seems bold of him to do. I figure either he did it in case Stephen had an idol, OR someone else did it to pin on trace or something. Either way I don’t care, I really turned that vote into a good thing because it gave me an excuse to talk to others about targeting trace hehe :) bye bye! No more hot guys on my island! Ew that was gross of me this Island is actually kait’s hehe. Ummm I rlly love her so much we bitched about everyone last night. It’s hard that her and I have all these allies that in the long run will go after each other but for now we are making t work. Hopefully trace goes tonight and then next round I’ll rllt have to deal with corey targeting matt. Speaking of, I do really love corey and I came into this with every intention of working with him as my number one, but it’s hard when he made other allies oremerge . He’s protecting Cullan and Ian? Neither of which I need in this game. And Kait just has been honest with me about stuff I feel Idk. I feel like her and I are more on the save wavelength than corey and I . But as long as I can keep them both here the better. I did tell Kait some stuff corey said not to tell her lmao including Cullan being after her.... oop idk. As wary as I am about my connection with matt, I did tell him about the idol and I did trust him with this trace vote. I think it’s going well with him but I rlly don’t want to go to the end with him and Kait kinda does eeeej. Madison I love but she tried to get Timmy out this round hehe rightfully so. Timmy has been SO GOOD TO ME!!!! I love him. And of course Maynor is still a bae too omg. I’m liking the people in this game more and more and I know it’ll get stressful but for now things might be looking up. It really looks like I’m getting exactly what is best for me two rounds in a row.... Can’t wait for something to go wrong!!!

This vote is the most nerve racking one yet. I essentially have to give up on my toeing the line and finally choose a side, and naturally I am choosing to side with my Survivor Wife Kait whomst I love. I like Trace a lot and the Queer Eye alliance with him Corey and Madison is cute, but like it’s time to frickin play and get rid of the threats in this game instead of letting life pass my by. That being said it’s quite insane that I must keep saving Thomas’s inactive ass! Kait is really adamant on keeping him but it’s frustrating sticking your neck out for someone who won’t so much as have a conversation to save themselves. I’m hoping to move forward with the Trio of Kait and Owen and myself, who currently have three advantages which is making me cackle! Let’s hope this vote rocks the boat in my favor or else I can see myself getting absolutely shafted once everyone compares notes and realizes I’m playing both sides.

Hi yes I choose violence. Sorry Trace. You have to go in order for me to get Matt out. I feel bad bc I genuinely did want to go far with him but it seems his alliances turned sour for my game! It should be 9-4 tonight, if everything goes to plan. Catch you on the flip side!

Today has been a pretty straight forward day. Now that I don’t have immunity I am a little nervous about the vote, but I am confident in the relationships that I have developed. I have been pushing Thomas since the beginning of the day. I think chips trusts me, and I don’t want to send him home quite yet. Everyone seems to be on the same page, so it looks like my work paid off. Let’s fucking move on tho and have another challenge I can actually win!

So this is pivotal for me. I really want Thomas out of this game. I don’t teust him and I do not feel like the game can progress worhba u comfort with him in it. Converse to that though my alliance would like to vote trace. However I have been informed that trace has made an alliance group with Matt Madison and Corey. Which obviously am not a fan of. So tonight is a tough choice.

Assuming I do not get voted out tonight I will formally sit down and write what is going on in the game. I just have been busy this weekend so I apologize. The game picked up and stuff just as my school year was ending. As of this moment what I know is that the vote is between me and Thomas with the players leaning to Thomas. I was told Thomas was the dummy vote by Kait and Matt who want to work with me and not make an "easy" vote this round just because and want to vote Trace. I'm for it even though I've only gotten positive vibes from Trace simply because it would appear to make my time in the game longer. If I'm the possible vote this round via debate that means I AM the vote next time. Well I guess we will see.

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okay so allegedly trace is leaving tonight, a move i'm quite happy with. trace mentioned owen's name last round and we all think that he's the one that threw the vote on owen last tribal. oh! and he mentioned tommy's name too so i have to protect my fellow scorpio fam. i got mad at corey today bc of all this shit that he's telling owen like cullan wanting me out but him talking him out of it apparently, and not telling me. it's just all this shit that;s building this massive amount of distrust for him. but for tonight we just have to bank on him i guess. i don't like it, but i'm not certain where to start with taking down his empire. our group with maynor, matt, and timmy is a good place to start. i'm beginning to think that's the truest shit i've got going for me. i don't know of anyone timmy is super close to other than like us, so i'm thinking we're his closest, or at least that's what he told me. IDK. i'm trying to think straight with tribal coming up but im just so damn nervous. i'm worried that someone told cullan who told trace, or someone told trace straight up and they've been plotting to get me or owen. i'd HOPE with how woven into people we are that we'd find out about it, but that's just a hope. manifesting that we will be okay and that cullan will leave next!

Ep 12 BYE BYE GEMINI! jk I feel kinda bad, and I honestly really wanted Timmy gone, but it is what it is. Another vote that’s not me is a win at this point.

#survivorstarzone #episodes

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parkjmini · 7 years

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Precarious // 7

mafia!bts: park jimin precarious: adj. dangerously insecure or unstable Psychotic, that’s how he viewed himself. He was a precise hitman who never made a mistake, until now. Set on an all kill mission, he brings back more than just blood stains. word count: 2183 warnings: explicit language, fluff? maybe??

[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] 7 [ 8 ]

summer is here now so i hope i will be able to update more frequently ((: pls let me know if i should add smut to this story bc im torn ive never written it b4 but it could fit well in some parts ??!!

The many floors disappeared under your feet. The elevator shooting up smoothly. The glass was clear all around you. Tiny people scattered below and became out of sight. The elevator was rather frightening because it was window all over, even under your shoes.

It stopped and a ding noise caught your attention. Jimin was on his phone the entire time, scrolling through emails and text messages. Several business men stepped inside, carrying briefcases and neck ties secured at their collars. Another stop followed with another ding. The elevator was slowly becoming crowded.

The men eyed you with a mischievous glisten. An uncomfortable chill ran down your spine and you followed their many eyes to your slightly exposed chest. The dress was cut low, but Jimin said he really liked you in it.

Peering over, Jimin was still glued to his cell. He felt your pleading stare and he looked up. His eyebrows knitted together at your expression of help and slyly checked the other expressions of the business men.

Rolling his eyes, he scooted over in front of you and blocked the view of anyone else. His chest was pressed up against yours. Your eyes drinking up his own. His scent wrapped around you. His arm was placed at the side of your head, the other holding his phone so he can continue his previous business.

It was the first time you’ve been so close to him. Even sleeping, you two kept a good distance away from another. This position though, there was no personal space. You were so close that you felt his soft pulse of his heart; you could see every pore on his porcelain face.

Your back was pressed up against the glass window to make room for Jimin to squeeze in front of you. As he was distracted by his device, you rested your head in the crook of his neck. His cologne filled your nose, musky and cool. He tensed up and turned his head to gazed upon your sudden affection.

He gulped and looked away. He shoved his phone into his back pocket and drew you closer, which you didn’t think was even possible. His hand held you by your arm and his cheek pressed against the top of your head.

You two stood like that for a few more floors and you contemplated about what your new life has become, how you ended up in Jimin’s arms.

“When you said you were going to take me somewhere, I didn’t know you meant you were going to take me out to lunch.” You whispered across the fancy dining table that was draped with a beautiful pearl tablecloth.

He smiled and you pretend that it didn’t shock you. His grin was stunning; the right amount of elegance and charm traced his curve. “Why are we whispering?” He leaned forward as well to answer you, his voice never above a hush.

The restaurant was at the very top floor with massive windows instead of walls. The other diners wore lavish dresses and nice suits. You sat with Jimin in a white sundress and him in a casual hoodie and black ripped jeans. It was relatively quiet, the only noise being the jazz music that played softly in the background.

“Are you sure we won’t get kicked out for under dressing?” You glanced around as a waiter approached your table.

“I don’t think they’d dare to.” Jimin relaxed into the red cushioned chair. The waiter unraveled your silver utensils from their cloths and carefully arranged them next to the plate.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Park. How may I be at your service?” He bowed and you couldn’t hide your amusement. Jimin smirked and folded his hands in his lap.

“The usual and strawberry champagne in the cooler.” The waited nodded and hurried away.

“Well if I knew it was going to turn out like that, I wouldn’t have regretted wearing this dress.” You groaned.

“Aren’t you use to this though? This kind of treatment shouldn’t be new for you.” Jimin shaded and you glared at him before answering.

“Yeah, but my parents always made us dress up despite the occasion. They said that we would get kicked out if we showed up in casual wear. Also, I’ve been stuck in your mansion for the past month that, I guess, I’ve forgotten how it feels to be treated like a high class individual.” You shot back and the only reaction he gave was a yawn.

“But it’s still nothing new. This doesn’t stray far from your previous life.”

“It’s a little different. I’m sure my family wasn’t as A-list as you guys are.”

“We’re only A-listers because they know we won’t hesitate to kill them. They’re scared of us.” Jimin kept his voice low and his eyes hooded.

“I’d be scared of you too if I knew the crimes your gang commits.” You said before the waiter came back with a bottle of champagne. He poured it into your tall wine glasses and you could swear you saw the same sparkling bubbles in Jimin’s dark eyes. The bottle of stars reflected against his, thirsty to devour. The universe swimming in the pool of dark brown. It made you forget how hard he shaded you.

“Strawberry, what a funny choice of flavor.” You sipped the liquid, a strong fruity taste hit your palette and the sweetness covering every inch of your mouth.

“You did say you like fruity drinks.” He remembered from last night. You hid your growing smile behind your fist, afraid that he’d see how happy he just made you.

Throughout lunch, Jimin couldn’t help, but fidget underneath the table. His sweaty palms twitched at the sight of a loose strand of hair or when your hand was across the table. He craved to touch you again, to be so close he could hardly breath anything else, but your slight fragrance.

He’d wish days like these would last forever. Jimin could spend hours listening to you speak. He wouldn’t mind staying with you for an eternity, if only you would ask him to. Being in your company relaxed him more than any method of meditation that Namjoon made him practice.

Your smile, the lovely expression that he hoped to never leave your face. How stunning you looked with creases around your eyes and lines drawn on your cheeks. Thinking about you only fed the flame because it only made him want to be with you. Touching you was a whole different story.

Feeling your pulse and soft skin under his palms thrilled him uncontrollably. His dopamine levels surpassed the standard high. It was almost unbearable, but how he only wanted more of it. Holding you felt better than killing and that was a feeling he thought nothing would ever top. He often wondered how he would feel if he kissed you. However, those thoughts didn’t last long because it scared him. If he already felt so good by your simple touch, kissing you would make him explode. He wouldn’t be able to control himself.

After lunch, Jimin drove for hours up a mountain to arrive at a meadow. The clouds were scattered and resembled white streaks in a blue background. A warm breeze ran against your unclothed arms and carried your hair with it. There was nothing, but tall grass and flowers. Hills rose and fell at the horizon. The empty space that surrounded you stretched so far. Civilization was nowhere. Just you, Jimin, and an open area to yourselves.

“What is this place?” You took off your shoes and dangled them from your fingers. You stepped off the rocky road, and onto the soft dancing field. Jimin observed how you twirled in your enticing dress and giggled with complete joy — the happiest he’s ever seen you. So entirely free and let go. So enchanted by nature and wonder.

“My… well, now, our secret place.” Jimin correct himself shyly and joined you. He allowed the wind to cast him toward you. You lent out your hand for him to take it and with a small hesitation, he took it. Pulling him forward, you guiding him in a simple two-step spin.

“How did you find it?” You managed to ask in the midst of laughs.

“I drive around a lot to find a perfect place to do meditation.”

You stopped and jumped. “You meditate?!” Your voice echoed into the vast land that captured you two.

He nodded and you proceeded to plead, “please teach me.”

Jimin walked you deeper into the meadow, to the point where even his car and the road were out of sight. You sat down, criss-crossed, on a random spot on the ground. Jimin followed, sitting directly across from you, and you mimicked what he did with his hands.

“Now, you just close your eyes. Deep breaths and focus on the noises around you.” Your eyes were closed and Jimin saw how your eyebrows creased, concentrating hard on the sounds.

After a few quiet seconds, you burst into laughter, no longer able to keep the serious facade. Jimin’s laughter mixed in splendidly with your own.

You opened your eyes and looked behind him, “this is quite a marvelous view.” But even though you thought the view was pretty, Jimin thought you were prettier.

The two of you must have been there for a really long time. You had watched the sun go down and the baby blue was washed out with a darker, navy sky. The clouds turned into specks of glimmer, reminding you of the champagne you had earlier.

Jimin laid down next to you, his eyes glued to the galaxies above. The wind flew away and now, you were left with a warm stillness.

“You were right. I do like it here.” You whispered.

“You’re very predictable.” He answered back. Turning over, you glared at him.

“Oh, am I?” You enticed and Jimin didn’t even bother to acknowledge your new position. He nodded, his head ruffling the grass.

You had no idea what had come over you, but you kissed him. At first, it was merely to prove a point. But then, Jimin’s hands traveled to your face and you didn’t want him to let go. You didn’t want him to pull away.

There was a rapid escalation, something that neither one of you could handle. Jimin became passionate and slightly opened his mouth to take you in. He moved, still connected, to be over you. Your back fell to the grass and Jimin held onto your waist.

A loud ring broke the heated trance, but Jimin didn’t budge. He continued to kiss you, gripping onto every part of your body that he could hold onto. You pulled his collar closer, afraid that he would suddenly stop. Neither one of you cared about the other person on the line, who was urgently trying to come in contact with Jimin.

It was only until whoever it was kept calling and his phone kept going off. “J-Jimin.” You pushed at his shoulders. He groaned aggressively and pulled away. He hovered over you still, just staring down at you.

You probably looked like a big mess, both of you were breathing so heavily. Your heart rate slowed down from the intense intimate scene. The ringing continued and Jimin, obviously angered and annoyed, pulled out his phone from his pocket. You kissed him one last time for safe measures. He blinked at your expressionless face and leaned back down to peck you again.

His thumb slyly slid the answer button as his lips danced upon yours once more. “Where the fuck are you?!” Namjoon’s voice was low and menacing, causing you two to break the kiss.

“Meditating.” Jimin paused and waited for his boss’ response.

“Get your ass back here. We got business to handle.” With that, the call ended. Jimin’s head fell into his palms and a heavy sigh fell from his swollen lips.

“I’m sorry, we have to go.” Jimin spoke after a few seconds.

“It’s fine. I had a great time today.” You patted his exposed knee and played with the loose thread from his ripped jeans.

“Really?” He analyzed your face, trying to catch any lies that you might have been hiding.

You embraced him in your short arms and snuggled your tired face in his fleece hoodie. His hot hands held your back and he kissed the top of your head sweetly. “How many times do I have to say it for you to believe me?”

“Three more times.” Jimin smirked, a new and exhilarating sight.

You clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth before repeating your previous line three more times, “I had a great time today.”

The pesky notification noise went off again and Jimin checked his device. You peered over and saw the message before he turned off the screen.

“You better be back within the next 10 minutes.”

Jimin pulled you up by your hand and sprinted to his car. A small sweat droplet lined his brow and you could tell how genuinely terrified he was of Namjoon.

255 notes · View notes

philipshay · 7 years

Note

all of the writing questions 1-54

1. Favorite place to write.

my bed lmao

2. Favorite part of writing.

that moment when you just frantically have to get something out??? and the words just spill out like crazy and idk its amazing

3. Least favorite part of writing.

having to write the boring chunky stuff thats essential for plot

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?

not really tbh

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most.

maggie stiefvater and lauren oliver definitely

6. Favorite character you ever created.

so shes my current mc for my trilogy and her name is isla and i just really fucking love her

7. Favorite author.

lauren oliver

8. Favorite trope to write.

i love angst idk if thats a trope??

9. Least favorite trope to write.

probably like.....idk tbh i dont have anything that i dont like when it comes to tropes

10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about.

i would die to write a book with lauren oliver like i would write anything she wanted to write

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

step one: frantically write a paragraph or scene

step two: frantically try and fill in around that first thing

step three: leave it alone for a while

step four: finish when the motivation returns

12. How do you deal with self-doubts?

the only way to deal with them for me is to just. let them be. i know im gonna have them, and that i cant get rid of them, so i just work around them. i write regardless of them.

13. How do you deal with writers block?

take a break for a little while. read something. watch something. wait for it to become easy to write again.

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book?

for my first book i did hours of research on amputations and prosthetics and stuff because my mc was an amputee

15. Where does your inspiration come from?

everywhere. songs or quotes or shows or books.

16. Where do you take your motivation from?

readers and just myself. i enjoy the writing and it makes me feel good to do it.

17. On avarage, how much writing do you get done in a day?

i try and write a little each day. but some days it doesnt work and i have to just set it down.

18. What’s your revision or rewriting process like?

look...i fucking hate revision and i grumble through it and hate it

19. First line of a WIP you’re working on.

its for an evak fic btw:

Something that Isak Valtersen has tried to accept over the last year is that sometimes love isn’t enough.

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

from my book:

One of her hands came up to cup my head, and she held me tighter than she ever had before. It reminded me of when I was small, on the nights I was afraid and young and didn’t understand why I had to stay downstairs.

The small basement had seemed so big when I was a child. Monsters lurked in all of its corners. Demons waited in the shadows.

I myself was a monster, but I didn’t know it yet. I was a different type of monster; I was the type that couldn’t be killed. I was too human for that. I was the dredge of humanity.

But the thing is, when half of the population is as well, it’s much harder to hunt us. It’s much harder to hunt us when we share the faces of those that are good.

Before I knew what I was, my mother would come downstairs and tell me that one day I wouldn’t be scared, that one day I wouldn’t have to spend every day downstairs. She’d hold me and whisper empty promises.

Even then, as she held me, there was another empty promise on her lips. She didn’t say it, as I was far too old to believe it, but I knew what she was thinking.

21. Post the last sentence you wrote in one of your WIP’s.

from my current book too:

Because it was a lie. My freedom was a beautiful, beautiful lie.

22. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and a project is ultimately done for you?

okay so honestly im a 1 draft kinda girl and then i go in and edit.

23. Single or multi POV, and why?

it really depends but currently i prefer single.

24. Poetry or prose, and why?

prose. it has more freedom.

25. Linear or non-linear, and why?

i havent written non linear but i really love it because its so complex and theres so many ways to slowly reveal things and idk its amazing

26. Standalone or series, and why?

ive noticed that most books that are in a series are never as good as book 1. but, that said, there are some worlds that i love to live in and will totally take multiple books.

27. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?

usually wait until its polished

28. And who do you share them with?

i have a writing friend amy who i used to share everything with and other than her i guess tumblr? idk

29. Who do you write for?

myself.

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written.

this sounds conceited but there’s so many that i like. i guess one of my favs is:

Sometimes people leave, and sometimes they’re lost. And sometimes we don’t ever find out why. That’s a darkness that just doesn’t go away.

31. Hardest character to write.

writing my mc marley from my first book was difficult because she had so much anger towards what happened to her and it blinded her to quite a bit. and as the author i knew she was going to get over that but the character herself didnt, and it was hard.

32. Easiest character to write.

so this is fic but tbh percy jackson because it was on him and the other pjo characters that i learned to write and i spent so much time in that world that i know the characters

33. Do you listen to music when you’re writing?

yep usually

34. Handwritten notes or typed notes?

typed

37. Most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

probably “The promblem isn’t your thighs. The problem is your head.” because it reminds me that my eating disorder is the real enemy, not food.

39. Do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one.

definitely on real people. there are pieces of people i know in all of my characters. like the nurse that helped marley in my first book is based off my friend amy.

40. Original Fiction or Fanfiction, and why?

both. they both have their perks and their cons.

41. How many stories do you work on at one time?

so many. so so so many.

42. How do you figure out your characters looks, personality, etc.

it comes in pieces. like, i just figured out a few days ago that my mc wasnt a redhead after all. it just happens naturally. it occurs to me randomly tbh.

43. Are you an avid reader?

i used to be. i do love reading but i dont do it as much anymore.

47. Do you start with characters or plot when working on a new story?

it depends.

48. Favorite genre to write in.

i love dystopian and contemporary.

49. What do you find the hardest to write in a story, the beginning, the middle or the end?

the beginning.

52. How did writing change you?

it showed me who i was. it gave me purpose and showed me what i wanted to do and idk it made me into the person i am.

53. What does writing mean to you?

everything. writing is so important to me like....its everything.

54. Any writing advice you want to share?

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” it truly is. comparison is the enemy. try not to take part in that shit.

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mountain-soul · 7 years

Note

Like so many of those questions..u should do them all if ur up to it

get toknow me

i know i dont really talkto you guys but i want you to get to know me. so heres 100 questions you canask me, just send a number or make up your own questions.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

· Just A Phase by Adam Craig

· Round Here Buzz by Eric Church

· Heartache on the Dance Floor by Jon Pardi

· Déjà vu by Lauren Duski

· Either Way by Chris Stapleton

· It Just Wont Quit by Meat Loaf

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, whowould it be?

· Emma Watson or Sophia Bush (I cant choose)

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page23, give me line 17.

4: What do you think about most?

· Getting myself out of debt

5: What does your latest text message fromsomeone else say?

· “Headphones!!”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

· Giant T shirt

7: What’s your strangest talent?

· I can pick up a lot of things with my feet

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finishthe sentence)

· Girls kinda suck

· Boys kinda suck

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

· No

10: When is the last time you played the airguitar?

· Lol I couldn’t even tell you

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

· Airport security

· Masked creatures like the Easter Bunny

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

· no

13: What’s your religion?

· protestant

14: If you are outside, what are you mostlikely doing?

· Sitting on the patio drinking and hanging outwith friends

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera orin front of it?

· behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favoriteband?

· The Doors

17: What was the last lie you told?

· “Im not mad at you”

18: Do you believe in karma?

· I believe in justice

19: What does your URL mean?

· That the mountains are where I belong

20: What is your greatest weakness; yourgreatest strength?

· Weakness: I trust and forgive far too easilywhen I love someone

· Strength: I love to prove people wrong

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

· Julian Edeleman

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

· Yes

23: How do you vent your anger?

· I usually just lock myself in my room and stayaway from people for awhile. Or I’ll go see hot bartender and go line dancing at my favoritecountry bar

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

· Pretty big vinyl record collection

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone orvideo chatting online?

· Phone call

26: Are you happy with the person you’vebecome?

· A lot happier recently

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

· Hate: anything that sounds like nails on achalkboard

· Love: thunderstorms

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

· What if Im not good enough to be someonesfirst and only choice

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How aboutaliens?

· Ghosts: yes

· Aliens: unsure

30: Stick your right arm out; what do youtouch first? Do the same with your left arm.

· Either side of my desk

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

· Freshly printed paper

32: What’s the worst place you have ever beento?

· Honestly, not a huge fan of NYC. Too muchgoing on there

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

· East Coast for sure

34: Most attractive singer of your oppositegender?

· Sam Hunt

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

· To leave people better than you met them

36: Define Art.

· Whatever makes you feel something, be itmovement, writing, picture, drawing

37: Do you believe in luck?

· Not really

38: What’s the weather like right now?

· Rainy, which is okay because im home from work

39: What time is it?

· 6:01 PM

40: Do you drive? If so, have you evercrashed?

· Yes, and Ive been rear-ended

41: What was the last book you read?

· TheGirl on the Train

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

· Yes

43: Do you have any nicknames?

· Nicki, Nic, Princess, Pumpkin

44: What was the last film you saw?

· Shutter Island

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

· Well I fractured my ankle when I was 10 and shouldvegotten a cast and didnt so still dealing with that 13 years later

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

· yes

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

· Cold brew coffee

· The Bachelorette

· Reading

· Candles

· Old time radio shows

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

· Straight

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

· Lol, lets count them all

50: Do you believe in magic?

· Part of me does

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against peoplewho have done you wrong?

· Lolololololol yeahhh

52: What is your astrological sign?

· Taurus

53: Do you save money or spend it?

· I try to save. But I do save to spend

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

· A salad

55: Love or lust?

· Depends on the person Im with

56: In a relationship?

· Uhhh kind of

57: How many relationships have you had?

· 4

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

· Nope

59: Where were you yesterday?

· Work

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet ofyou?

· My pig pillow pet

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

· Always

62: What’s your favourite animal?

· An otter

63: What is your secret weapon to get someoneto like you?

· Playing hard to get

64: Where is your best friend?

· Far away

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs onTumblr.

66: What is your heritage?

· Portuegese, English, Swedish, French Canadian,and Mohawk Indian

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

· Watching The Fosters even though I should havebeen asleep

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

· Lololol I think he has too many

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

· Damn straight

70: Are you the kind of friend you would wantto have as a friend?

· I think so

71: You are walking down the street on yourway to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street.Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do youdo?

· Save the dog dude!

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she hasjust informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tellanyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remainingdays? c) Would you be afraid?

· I would tell my parents, and S.O.

· I would try and do everything I’ve ever wanted to do

· Id be terrified

73: You can only have one of these things;trust or love.

· love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happywhen you hear it?

· That’s What I Like by Bruno Mars

75: What are the last four digits in your cellphone number?

· 6504

76: In your opinion, what makes a greatrelationship?

· Respect, communication, trust, admiration

77: How can I win your heart?

· Corgis

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

· Or more insanity

79: What is the single best decision you havemade in your life so far?

· To not get another restaurant job

80: What size shoes do you wear?

· 8

81: What would you want to be written on yourtombstone?

· “Love her, but leave her wild.”

82: What is your favourite word?

· Love

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mindwhen you hear the word; heart.

· ache

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

· Bless

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

· Objects in the Rearview Mirror by Meat Loaf

86: Basic question; what’s your favouritecolour/colours?

· Gray, very light purple

87: What is your current desktop picture?

· A quote that says “Do what makes your soul happy”

88: If you could press a button and makeanyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

· Lolololol too many

89: What would be a question you’d be afraidto tell the truth on?

· Are you over him?

90: One night you wake up because you heard anoise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. Themummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed.What do you do?

· Go back to sleep

91: You accidentally eat some radioactivevegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you withthe super-power of your choice! What is that power?

· Invisibility

92: You can re-live any point of time in yourlife. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your pastwould you like to experience again?

· The last half hour I spent with my Buppa

93: You can erase any horrible experience fromyour past. What will it be?

· All the bullying I experienced

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with themusic-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

· SAM HUNT

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere.You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

· English countryside

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

· Surprisingly no

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

· Oh yeah

98: Ever been on a plane?

· Yes

99: If the whole worldwere listening to you right now, what would you say?

· To quote Cinderella “Have courage and be kind”

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amoonlitmidnight · 7 years

Text

decided to answer bc im bored

1. If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

troye.

2. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

mine is going home. (will greyson will greyson)

3. What do you think about most?

if c is okay.

4. What does your latest text message from someone else say?

true.

5. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with.

6. What’s your strangest talent?

i can make good pigeon noises.

7. Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)

girls are wonderful yet complicated. boys that are good exist, but you have to sort through many awful ones to find them.

8. Ever had a poem or song written about you?

not that I know of.

9. When is the last time you played the air guitar?

on the bus to Bellingham lacrosse game.

10. Do you have any strange phobias?

I am afraid of growing too old to keep memories.

11. Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

blue berry, but who hasn’t?

12. What’s your religion?

half-assed catholic I guess?

13. If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

playing lacrosse.

14. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind.

15. Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

the 1975 bc im basic.

16. What was the last lie you told?

don’t worry about it, its fine.

17. Do you believe in karma?

to an extent, yes.

18. What does your URL mean?

thought of it randomly one night.

19. What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

weakness: relentless self-deprecation, to the point of believing that anybody complimenting me is out of pity.

strength: im funny.

20. Who is your celebrity crush?

brendon urie or matty healy.

21. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

not yet.

22. How do you vent your anger?

the vent app.

23. Do you have a collection of anything?

important items/mementoes from the past year.

24. Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

video chatting.

25. Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

somewhat, but there’s always room for improvement.

26. What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate: metal scraping/banging together, or other people blowing their nose.

love: laughter, rain

27. What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if every choice ive made to get me to this point, didn’t happen?

28. Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I believe that there are spirits of loved ones that look after us and guide us, but im not decisive about ghosts. aliens are 100% real, but maybe not in the way we expect.

29. Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right: bedside table/lamp.

left: book (will greyson will greyson)

30. Smell the air. What do you smell?

stuffy.

31. What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

7th grade camp.

32. Choose East Coast or West Coast?

west coast.

33. Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

matty healy or troye sivan.

34. To you, what is the meaning of life?

to do what makes you happy.

35. Define Art.

any form of creation.

36. Do you believe in luck?

yes.

37. What’s the weather like right now?

sunny.

38. What time is it?

2:01 pm.

39. Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I do not.

40. What was the last book you read?

note to self.

41. Do you like the smell of gasoline?

kinda.

42. Do you have any nicknames?

g, stew, gstew, stewart

43. What was the last movie you saw?

lion.

44. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

concussion.

45. Have you ever caught a butterfly?

nope

46. Do you have any obsessions right now?

troye.

47. What’s your sexual orientation?

see #1

48. Ever had a rumor spread about you?

yes, courtesy of matt.

49. Do you believe in magic?

not really.

50. Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

yes.

51. What is your astrological sign?

pisces.

52. Do you save money or spend it?

spend it.

53. What’s the last thing you purchased?

eyeliner, highliter, and primer at sephora.

54. Love or lust?

love.

55. In a relationship?

sadly, no.

56. How many relationships have you had?

maybe one?

57. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

yes.

58. Where were you yesterday?

last lacrosse game of the season at ballard, then alki

59. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yes.

60. Are you wearing socks right now?

no.

61. What’s your favorite animal?

monkey.

62. What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

be funny.

63. Where is your best friend?

nonexistent.

64. What is your heritage?

norwegian, irish, german i think

65. What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

watching interstellar again.

66. What do you think is Satan’s last name?

maybe he has one, but he doesn’t need it. like beyonce.

67. Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I’d like to think so.

68. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

let that dog die without a second thought.

69. You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) maybe one or two people in particular, c for sure. but not everyone, instead I tell them what I have always wanted them to know.

b) I tell people what I have never been courageous enough to say, and spend time with loved ones.

c) I would be more content than afraid

70. You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

you cannot love someone if there is no trust.

71. What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

more than life by whitley.

72. What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

2935.

73. In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

determination and unconditional love.

74. How can I win your heart?

show me you love me, or else I wont believe you, and be able to have conversations late at night about deep shit.

75. Can insanity bring on more creativity?

of course.

76. What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

attending hna and trying out for lacrosse.

77. What size shoes do you wear?

9 I think?

78. What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

do not go gentle into that good night.

79. What is your favorite word?

titties.

80. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

anatomical.

81. What is a saying you say a lot?

me when…

82. What’s the last song you listened to?

tokyo narita freestyle.

83. Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

light blue, lavender, or faded pastel yellow.

84. What is your current desktop picture?

was my north cascade summer team, now it’s a photo from the 1975 concert.

85. If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

trump bc im unoriginal.

86. What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

my feelings for someone.

87. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

call the cops, or just put in earbuds and listen to music really loud with my eyes closed to distract myself.

88. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

reading minds or shapeshifting objects.

89. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

the penetration practice.

90. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

odea vs lakeside game when I realized co wasn’t my friend anymore.

91. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

matty healy.

92. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Amsterdam.

93. Do you have any relatives in jail?

not that I know of.

94. Have you ever thrown up in the car?

yes, drank some week old orange juice.

95. Ever been on a plane?

yes.

96. If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

you do you, ill do me. we may not be doing the same things, but well both me happy.

#mine

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