#so fucking close to losing it

[ashersanity]

Hey, Asher. This is degenerate anon once again. Sorry for swarming your inbox with my asks 😭 I noticed you haven't been doing so well (because I may or may not be stalking your tags), and I just wanted to double-check, hope you're doing well. You're a pretty cool person and I'm kinda worried about your state Please, don't overwork yourself, whether it goes down to answering asks or other things like work or studies. We can wait as long as we have to for the first case, and you're a human too. What you do already is far more than enough I also just wanna remind you that you're awesome, and if anybody says otherwise, I'll punt them to the moon. I would have offered my inbox too, but I said some very embarrassing shit, there is absolutely no way I'm getting off anon, so all I can say is that I'll always be here for you, presence-wise. Eat and rest well today, you deserve a break (˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡) - Whitney's left tit- whoops, I meant... Degenerate anon :)

Lmfaooooo what. nah.

heavy vent. scroll past. thanks. →

Really, the last thing I really wanted when I made those posts was to worry anyone, not that I think I would but now I’m seeing a bunch of people suddenly reaching out to me and asking if I’m okay. I appreciate it a lot, really I do and you too, degenerate anon, for even bothering to ask when you could’ve scrolled past or played off those tags as shits n giggles since that’s what it sort of was in my head anyway. I wasn’t exactly in the best of states when I wrote those. Sometimes, rarely so, it gets so bad that I’m acting on impulse, sputtering out bullshit about wanting to end it right then and there, that it’d be better this way if I was never born at all. Its fucking hysterical how I play it off right after as if I didn’t just casually mention it a bit ago because truth is, I’m not okay yet I don’t want to reach out to anyone either in fear of being a bother and the vulnerability that comes with it. This whole persona of being obscenely horny for entertainment, unserious just for it to be a coping mechanism.

Not exactly sure why I’m laying it out all on you when you didn’t even ask for it, it’s selfish to do so but your ask just really made the words scramble and be put together in my brain as though I finally had the opportunity to answer the why to my question. Why the fuck am I like this. Why the fuck am I plagued with this utter crap of dealing with whatever the fuck this is. I don’t know what it really is, some have told me it’s depression and I’m simply in denial about it. Maybe I am. I’ve been through worse than this, especially in the lockdown though this somehow feels worser for no reason. I’m supposed to have gotten my shit together by then, moved out, new life, new place to settle in, new people, people who are actually kind and welcoming, regularly work out and whatnot.

I still feel like utter shit. I still feel like I’m not doing enough. To be honest, life is moving way too fucking fast for me, one day I’m still a young kid who’s spending his time all day at the park and the next I’m supposed to be a grown adult who’s got all his shit together by then, who has responsibilities, responsibilities that cannot be ignored nor pushed away no matter how much I try to run away from my problems. I know that it’s not that hard, at least, not compared to other people I’ve seen who have it so much harder and still manage through it all while I’m barely hanging on by a thread. It’s so pathetic, god. I need a shitty fictional character from a porn game to even cope about it but even then, there’s so much I can think about before reality hits me once more and I’m left to deal with my thoughts alone in the dark while my roommate is dozing away in the next room.

I hate it so much, I feel as though im not good enough no matter what I do, no matter what I try is simply not enough to measure to other people’s expectations or mines either, not that I think of myself much to begin with. Even when people tell me that what I do is good, wether it be art, writing, who I am as a whole, that they enjoy talking to me because I am who I am, reassured on my appearance too because no matter how many compliments I get I still feel like a monster hiding beneath a layer of flesh moulded to look like that of a human. I feel displaced. I feel as though I don’t belong. It’s not there’s nothing in the world for me, it’s simply I’m nothing for the world itself.

I’m a burden. It’s as simple as that, the amount of guilt that I feel when people express affection towards me, wether it be friends, family members, hell even romantic partners which I may or may not have rejected all from the horror of intimacy. Whenever they tell me they love me to my face, that they worry for me whenever I’m in a bad state, I can’t help the pit that fills my stomach nor the lump in my throat because I truly am undeserving of this fucking love. Give it someone else, please. Anyone but me because they need it more than I do, than whatever the fuck of a shitty person that I am.

I have it bad, so fucking bad that when someone hugged me today, I was practically burying my face in their shoulder and clinging onto dear life because by god, this is the only time I’ll ever allow myself such contact every time I push it away. Nearly burst into tears like a moron too even if I rarely do ever cry since it’s been ingrained in my head to never cry, boys don’t cry, he says, only sissies do and the last thing I wanna be is a pussy. Cried in front of him once as a kid and he told me to get my shit together and suck it up unless I wanna be beaten up in the adult world. So bad that someone actually caught me crying once and I quickly played it off as physical pain (recurring stomach ache) hurting me so bad that tears were spilling, frantically reassuring them that I’m good. Sometimes I do wonder, why i am the one to reassure others.

I know that if I actually reached out to the people that have offered, sought a therapist like a few people have recommended to, it would possibly get better or maybe not. It would probably do more good and I’d be able to sort through these feelings for sure but I won’t. I fucking won’t. I’ve gotten used to bottling up these feelings. Fuck, I’ve repressed them from years and it seems they’re finally spilling in this overly long ass post that no one will bother reading. That’s fine with me because I really need to say it out loud for once even if it’s written through text on a fucking platform called Tumblr where cock is more prevalent than someone’s fucking life.

I’m not okay. That’s the thing. I’m not fucking okay. I wish I could play it off as I usually do whenever people ask me such questions like “how are you” irl. I wish I could say it out loud, say it to their faces, say what I really am. I’m not okay. I’m not fucking okay and I don’t think I’ll be okay soon either because I’ve not fucking okay for so long that it’s getting to me. I’m not okay. I’m miserable actually, I’m so fucking miserable that I wish I could just sleep forever and never wake up again. I’m so fucking miserable that there’s not a day that goes by where there’s this fleeting thought in the back of my mind that wonders, wonders how better it’d be if I were to disappear altogether, stop being a burden to those around me. I’m so fucking miserable that I didn’t even bother answering your well-intentioned question and instead am laying myself bare to the world on a shitty tumblr post. I’m so fucking miserable that I had to pause as I type this because it’s as though I’m finally admitting the obvious truth that I’ve been unwilling to say. I’m so fucking miserable that I just wish I could curl up into a ball and freely cry into someone’s lap, I wish I could fucking yell it even.

I’m not okay. I’m not fucking okay. No matter how much I say it in these written words it doesn’t seem to equal to the amount of times I had to muffle myself, clasp a hand over my mouth in the darkness of my room as a teenager so that my noisy parents don’t overhear my cries. I’m not fucking okay because even when I tell myself as an adult now, that I’m over it, I’m not. I’ve been going through it for so very long, willingly choosing to suffer in silence because it’s the easiest for me even if it will ruin me in the end. It’s already ruining me and eating me from the inside. I’d rather dump all of this crap on here than even say it to the people who’re close to me, asking about it.

I’m burnt out, I’m tired. I wish to rest but I can’t.

Because I think I’m fucking a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve such.

I hope you’re doing better than me, degenerate anon. Sincerely so, you deserve it and thanks for even asking again despite the few interactions we’ve had through asks. You’re my favorite anon for sure.

But ahah, im doing fine lmfao.

#LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #lmfao #lol #XD even #I’m so silly #so fucking close to losing it #aren’t we all? lololololol #cringe #dumb post #mentions of wanting to fucking kill my self #oops i guess? #degenerate anon #asher in the flesh #delete this shit rn

[lotus-pear]

regret

#literally excuse the shitty anatomy and cell shading i was thinking abt chuuyas reaction to what he'd done and i decided to make it skk #bc skk copium :') #the way i've hated dazai so fucking much but i still cried like a bitch when he died #he's not dead the bsd fandom has this phase like the elevator chapter where we're like ''dazai's not gonna make it he's done for!!'' #and then he comes back next chapter like surprise bitches yall thought i was dead lmao #this chapter fucking HURT for skk shippers tho like we rly lost this time around huh #deluding myself into thinking that chuuya used gravity manipulation to slow the bullet #bc we didn't see a bullet hole behind dazais head like when chuuya shot his shoulder even though the bullet to his skull was fired at close #the reason theres a wound is bc the compressed air that was still fired was enough to wound him #and the shock wave that followed caused him to pass out bc of the sudden tension to his head intermingled with the blood loss and poison #we also know dazai can control his heart rate at will so maybe he can drop his pulse to zero for like thirty secs #enough to make fyodor believe he's dead #in the event that all of this is untrue and dazai rly does die the way my entire being will go numb and cold and dead #knowing that fyodor will most likely use dazai's death as a weapon against chuuya effectively chaining him to his side #like bffr chuuya may dislike dazai but that's his partner his reflection the boy that makes him desperately want to be human #dazai is the embodiment of chuuyas humanity and once chuuya loses that tether to his human side he will snap and the facade will shatter #and we will truly see chuuya unhinged with nothing more keeping him bound to his mortal shell #this wasn't the skk reunion we wanted asigiri what the fuck :( #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #osamu dazai #dazai osamu #skk #soukoku #lotus draws

[dotcircledot]

screaming very loudly

#xingyun #chongqiu #xingqiu #chongyun #dotcircledotart #genshin impact #genshin #genshin fanart #xingqiu genshin impact #chongyun genshin impact #原神 #GIVE ME HIS SKIN GIVE IT GOVE IT GIVE IT GIVE IT GIVE #i’m losing my fucking MIND AND I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE #please i’m so close this is literally the reason i came back to genshin at all xingqiu the hold you have on me

[butchviking]

i hate being a mentally ill adult actually. i hate that there’s always groceries to be bought and housekeeping to do and work in the morning i hate that we have no space to feel it all i hate that we walk around acting normal. there are so many people i know who are clearly deeply unhappy with their lives and we make silly little jokes that allude to it but sometimes i want to grab them by the shoulders and scream ‘i know you are miserable!! we can’t keep living like this!! this is why people break!!’ im sick of this drudgerous apathy i want us all to be dramatic like when we were teenagers i want us to sob together and scream bloody murder at each other and tell each other we want to kill ourselves not as a funny post-ironic joke but because we all feel like that sometimes!! i want us to get fucked up on god knows what til we can’t open our eyes i want us to take care of each other instead of always taking care of ourselves i want us to be vulnerable i want us to hold each others hands in the ambulance!!

#don't get me wrong there are happy and beautiful times! there is wonder and fulfillment!! #but how do u share in the one if u can't share in the other? #i can't walk into work and say #'yesterday all i could think about was which of you would cry if i died #but today i saw a kid pick a flower and it felt like the most beautiful thing that had ever happened' #i don't even talk to my friends like that! it's all 'haha yeah been having a rough week. u know how it is. hbu?' #i feel like im going crazy but i dont believe that! aren't we all feeling this??? is anyone else feeling this??? is this fucking normal???? #am i just emotionally closed off?? is everyone else having these conversations am i the stunted one who doesn't know how to talk about it?? #i KNOW im living with mental illness but so are a lot of people! im sad sometimes but im not losing my mind! i know other people feel this!!

[fairyfortalliance]

the imagery of no health regen…… wounded skin that doesn’t heal…. torn clothes….. burns…. scorch marks….. bite marks….. blood everywhere…… unraveling bandages…… oh…….

#secret life #secret life smp #if i ever write a slsmp fic. everyone is going to be wounded as FUCK #like. i love it when fan artists draw the characters punctured with arrows #or burned after dying to lava/fire #and now with no health regen. how the injuries don’t go away #a worn and ragged green life almost desperate to turn yellow #if not for the full set of health again #stab wounds that don’t close. a heart bleeds until you die. the scratch marks itch under the armour #ohhhhhh it’s so sexy #teammates changing each others bandages bc the blood never stops #infected wounds? that only ease when more hearts are earned from the secret keeper? #i’m so obsessed with this already #like yessssss the player gets weaker and weaker as they lose more hearts #they are so damaged and injured they can barely raise their shield #their whole body aching. scathing with every hit and blow #and then when they gain hearts. and the RELIEF #of scorch marks fading. wounds closing. blood drying. pains easing. broken bones set themselves #so much cruelty in the world. everyone takes that extra little care with each other #no more friendly slaps on the shoulder or even high fives #everyone is just very still. too fatigued to do anything but survive

[keekeenuggets]

We don't talk enough about how well ALL of the Vees know and care about each other so much, like--

We first see them when Velvette is calling Vox about Val being upset in ep 2, but there's no way he would have asked for the help himself. Like he's not gonna be like "hey get Vox for me I need him" because that seems too vulnerable, BUT he was expecting Vox to come.

He literally says "Fuckin' finally!"

Which would either mean that Velvette told him Vox is on his way, OR Val knew Velvette would tell Vox to come. (It is possible he expected it because of the cameras, but Vox didn't seem to know Val was throwing a tantrum until Velvette called him, and Vox's plan for the day seemed to involve multiple meetings, so I don't think he watches the cameras often enough for that.)

Also Velvette knew how to calm Valentino down. She was busy with a fashion show and needed to focus on that, and she was mad that Val was wrecking her shit, but even after he was out of her hair and not a problem to her, she repeated to Vox that he needs to go take care of Val.

"Take care of the piss baby!"

I 100% believe she could have done it herself (she probably did partly?? considering he stopped the tantrum and was in his room before Vox got there-- unless her telling Val that Vox was on his way was what did it, but that would still be something she knew to do), but she had a show to run. Still, she wasn't going to leave Val alone to be moping around.

Also the fact Valentino seems to have some level of control over his smoke implies he wanted to be dramatic as fuck or wanted to hide himself and sat in a cloud of smoke on purpose.

Vox obviously knows how to talk Val out of shit, and canon makes it more clear that he understands Val well.

But overall there's obvious intimacy between all three of the Vees in that they care for each other and know exactly what's needed and/or what will happen in situations like that.

#the vees #valentino #vox #velvette #hazbin hotel #like seriously if Velvette's goal was only to get Val to stop wrecking shit she would have brushed Vox off when he got there #Val wasn't fucking anything up anymore #BUT she knew he wasn't feeling better so she told Vox to go up there #(more like she ordered him around lmao) #and obviously Vox canceled his appointments to go take care of Val instead #which Velvette couldn't easily do with a show because if you're putting on a show in about 15 minutes or however close it was #that meant people paid and were waiting for it and canceling would make them lose money #Vox didn't seem to have urgent appointments though #and like Velvette KNEW Vox would go help Val #they're all so perfect for each other please #also this is why Velvette as the 'daughter' of the other Vees makes no fucking sense because #why would you tell a parental figure 'fuck you' and refer to the other parental figure as a 'piss baby' #be serious 😭 #Val is the child actually #(half joking) #posts by 📲

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

Ok do the thousands of Bethyl shippers realize it means they're headcanoning Daryl as a pedophile or

#a 40-something dating a 18yo is weird enough but I'm pretty damn sure she wasn't even 18 yet. And they MET when she was 16. #I'm mad because I wanna draw them. Their season 4 episodes were great. But it was platonic. FAMILIAL. #Daryl was like her cool uncle not her *creepy* uncle ffs #did he *really* treat her any differently than he would the rest of his close family in their situation? Be honest. #a man and a pretty young woman have any kind of chemistry and y'all lose your minds #christ on a stick she called him her chaperone. ''mr dixon''. she was being sarcastic but it's literally true #I know Norman and Emily can be kinda flirty but she's fucking 40. BETH aint! #that dude with the claimers was talking smack about him 'losing some tail' and 'it was one of the young ones wasn't it' #and Daryl was boutta beat his ass for that #and I know it's because he was being a deisrespectful asshole but I like to think it's also because That's Gross Bitch #anyways #I really really hate this ship is what I'm saying #twd #I aint tryna pspsps y'all though so #anti bethyl

[cryptidwithacopiccollection]

Because in the light, you are untouchable.

(flickering gif/possible eyestrain below the cut)

#rb #my art #ace attorney #klavier gavin #flashing gif #flashing warning #eyestrain #art stuff #i dunno if this counts but #animated gif #when i say may art program *crunched* the gif #i mean it fucking CRUNCHED it look at that thing. tbh i kinda like the uncanny look it gives it though #i am losing my mind about this stupid fictional rockstar. 'hes a diva who freaks out and loses his shit over his keys going missing.' #'lol he even put his logo on his boot prints! haha thats so funny-' #do you understand that every. single. person involved with state v. gramareye felt watched. #the mishams were fucking *terrified* for almost a decade because of the looming threat of kristoph's retribution. and they were right. #zak was putting road behind him for years #hiding in the shadows so he couldnt be found. but he was found anyways. #klavier was kristoph's *brother*. he knows how cruel he can he up-close and personal. but hes not dumb. no #unlike everyone else he chose a strategy that actually worked: becoming so visible that it would be hard to make him disappear quietly. #of COURSE his shoes are like that. you know exactly whose boot prints they are. he plasters that logo on everything. youll know it's his. #ofcourse he made himself so popular. there would be massive public outcry if he was hurt or went missing. #and when he finally returns to the same city as kristoph after his brother's been arrested for murder thinking hes safe? #his keys disappear. why wouldn't he freak out? he's felt the looming weight of a threat to his life over his head since he fled at 17. #he needs his keys to use his bike. to get into his house. to the break locks on his stuff. stuff in his mind kristoph may now have access t #sure hes a diva #but he is also a scared little brother who is doing his goddamn BEST to avoid the painful retribution he knows kristoph had for him #because in the light? you are untouchable #there are too many eyes to see you go

[the-kipsabian]

#today on stream kip genuinely absolutely completely loses it. because flynn doesnt know what dnd is #if you look close enough at the first gif you can pin point the moment he actually lost it. his face crunches up before he covers his eyes #its very stupid but its so cute his laugh brings me the joy i really needed tonight ;; 💜💜 #look at my cringe idiot man please hes so fucking precious #kip sabian #aew #all elite wrestling #aewedit #wrestlingedit #wrestling #night gifs #my beloved #kip in a box #(rp blogs dont reblog; saving and other personal use with tag credits is fine)

[mumblesplash]

the fact that doctors can just Recommend Weight Loss with no instructions beyond ‘eat healthier/less’ is actually insane to me, i lost weight on purpose ONCE and it took me like 6 years to recover a semi-normal relationship with food and hunger

#uhh #disordered eating cw #just in case #mumbling #like jfc i know i’m not the first to say it and my experience is relatively SO tame #but it STILL fucked with my head for YEARS #and most people don’t go nearly that long between weight loss attempts at all for basically their whole lives!!!!! #and we’re so blasé about it like yeah just eat less to lose weight #and so few people talk about the really weird shit that phase of my life taught me even though they seem like pretty universal things #like when you lose weight deliberately by denying yourself food you get COLD #you get cold and you get in your head and you get sad it’s like being less alive #the times i’ve lost weight/recomped on accident (by doing smth that makes me move more‚ getting better sleep etc) #it’s been WARM #burn hotter move freer feel happier #and also the way hunger feels when you’ve been denying yourself food for an extended time is NOT the same as baseline hunger #it’s actually kind of wild that we use the same word to describe both feelings like that shit is NOT the same #that shit is not ‘being really hungry’ it’s a fuckin. blood curse or some shit you feel straight up unhinged #and i should disclaim here i am not talking large amounts of weight #i’ve fluctuated over i think a 20lb range max since reaching close to my adult height and that’s a guesstimate #but even in my relatively unremarkable little experiences here the way deliberate weight loss fucked with my brain is absurd to me #i’m fine now have been for years but seriously thinking back on it the fact that this is routine medical advice. unreal

[5hrignold]

reminder

#rewatched this sneak peek for the first time since i first saw it and ugh. UUUUGHHGGHHH. #it hurts me a lot I’m ngl….. like to see charlie be so critical of something pim likes #except this time it’s even more painful because it isn’t just that pim likes it he also thought charlie would like it too and he literally #took him out and did this just for him because he thought he’d like it. he thought charlie said something so he went out of his way to #organise something to show to him to make him happy. and also how like… expectant? charlie is acting in the clip #like the way he just kinda frowns at pim whenever one of the dudes says something particularly out there #and it’s like. dude what the fuck #ive Said it once i’ll say it again i think charlie needs to lose pim during an episode or something. itd humble him #i mean that KIND OF happened with the finale but look where they are in s2 #as usual what i always say. absolutely no actual complaints. if anything i Love this because it’s very clearly like #im so excited for this particular episode because you can just TELL its gonna be such a good one for their relationship #like looking into it analysing it n stuff #literally anything with them together has me screaming and cryjing they’re one of my fav duos ever #ok my hands are shaking bye #smiling friends #💝 #smiling friends spoilers #also this is just Such a cute clip. the way pim runs and how charlie slugs on close behind him looking all grumpy #and how happy he looks to be calling him his best friend… actually peak i fear this is the peak of the season (joke

[its-tea-time-darling]

oh-oh............

part 1/? of babyboy's descent into madness (2, 3)

#tbosas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #look i wanted to make one gifset of him losing his mind #it was gonna be funny; titled 'the 5 and 1/2 minutes it took for coryo to fucking lose his grip' #but the acting is just so phenomenal and evocative that i couldn't stop myself from making these close-ups #maybe the og idea will happen at some point #who knows!!!! #tom blyth #coriolanus snow #tbosasedit #thgedit #the hunger games #the hunger games: the ballad of songbirds & snakes #the ballad of songbirds & snakes #my gifs #babyboy's descent into madness

[yarrowleef]

I still miss the era before prequels when the clans were implied (or at least you could imagine them) to be ancient before later books all but confirmed the clans are only around like...less then a century old??

imagine if the dotc cast was having run-ins with ye olden english peasants or something and dodging around horse drawn carts. a different world could have been a fun change of pace. or at least potentially really funny. but nooo we just HAVE to have cars around, how else will we quickly fridge unneeded love interests

#like. i guess this is just a result of pumping out books so fast you dont want to try to organize any major differences in the world #yarrow speaks #wc criticism #this also creates a problem of leaving so little room for stories in the past to exist #like skyclan was close to losing their land before skystar died #and they were still present in mapleshades vengance #which is only like 25 years before the prophecies begin #that actually made it look like the clans would be like 50 years old MAX but Into The Wild #i guess thats just a fuck up but seriously they keep shrinking the available unknown time and i dont like it #warrior cats

[puppydoggraham]

Moodboard: you just saw a gif or clip of how Hannibal looks at Will

#I’m going fucking insane #I’m rewatching clips for this edit I’m making and I’m so close to losing my fucking mind #why does he literally love him so much I’m fucking ill #hannibal #hannigram #nbc hannibal #will graham #hannibal lecter

[puppyeared]

Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..

#I’m reading volumes 14-16 of the ouran manga OOUGHHH MY HEART #I love this weird little friend group so much its unreal #like u have this charming sweeps you off your feet prince but he’s actually a huge lovable idiot with a kind heart and his friends #who are all misfits that he reached out to and drew in because of his kindness and own weirdness like that shits TIGHT BRO #and the trauma part where he has some deep seated issues with love bc he thinks that itll break a family apart like with his mom #how his family isnt allowed to be together because his mom and dad fell in love and how he says he wants to build a big house #so that way one day everyone will get along as a family like. all he wants is not to lose everyone and the only way to do that is #by maintaining a certain order.. he both wants a complete family so bad and doesnt want anything to sour between anyone #so he assigns each of his friends a family role based on how he sees them and YEAH its mostly played for giggles and tamakis #already weird so its his way of showing theyre close to him but. god damn this boy has LAYERS #it also feels kinda meta towards how found family tends to get thrown around to assign characters as 'siblings' or family roles instead of #using it to describe characters who are close enough to be each others family. cuz tamakis doing that EXACT THING in a way tht #ties in with his character and i have to say its fascinating using that within the story itself and its completely plausible #theres a lot of things i can say about ouran that are good bad and questionable but. god i love it when characters are niceys to each other #i remember i really liked the kyoya episode bc him and haruhi got to spend time together and their relationship isnt very close #but it was really nice to see their personalities bounce off each other. i think i also wouldve liked to see haruhi alone with kaoru #i also firmly believe all of the hosts are at least a little in love with haruhi and this can be anything like endearing romantic cuz like #who DOESNT love haruhi. kyoya i think would want to study her under a microscope like his fascination with her draws him in #but im fucking obsessed with whatever haruhi and tamaki have going on because YES hes obsessed with her YES he jumps at the chance to #put her in a cute costume but haruhi? she just fucking goes with it because she knows hes fun to be around even if hes a little wacky abt i #theyre all so. NNGGHHHH #ouran #ohshc #yapping

[khihi]

sorry for no posts last night, I fucking died

#(as did my phone) #(sorry i can't provide any vid/pic content) #(this is all i got 🥲) #it was AMAZING #as u can see i was about third row back #was in the crowd beside such lovely people it was such a relief #HE CAME SO CLOSE FOR PAIDATON HE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL #also. met him afterwards. shook his hand. i am losing my goddamn mind. i may update on more when i've processed a little afgskgjksjkgg #idk if i should put in the tag or not because this is a bit of a nothing post but fuck it #käärijä