#so of course logan can understand whats being said but when you change how you say it then it becomes harder for him to understand

[orbmanson7]

@intrulogical sent me a Logan Angst prompt!

logan crying in a video whilst offering a solution to something and thomas going "stop crying"

I'm still taking Logan Angst prompts from any word or phrase sent to my ask box!

--

Asking for clarification had become almost habit for him by now.

"Ah, so you didn't mean that literally then?" Logan steadied his expression after the realization struck him. "I suppose this is why clarification is so useful in these discussions."

"There's nothing to clarify, Specs!" Roman threw his hands up dramatically. "It's not like we were trying to trick you!"

Logan blinked at that response. He hadn't thought they were trying to deceive him with their words, no, but it's not as though they had meant what they said, either. Hence the need for clarification.

He nodded towards Roman, replying,

"I understand that, but--"

"Do you?" Roman instantly cut him off. "Because it seems like it takes a million times for us to explain something to you before you actually get it!"

Oh. So he was bothered by Logan's repeated desire for clarification. The quantity was the issue.

"I believe I understand your concern. While some subjects may take extra consideration, I can assure you, I am trying my best."

"Are you?"

Thomas stared back at him with an unreadable expression. Was it unreadable to everyone else, too, or just him?

"Wh..." He was so shocked to hear Thomas outright doubt him like that, he couldn't even formulate the question he wanted to ask. He tried not to let it show, straightening his stance.

Thomas needed his trust, his confidence.

"Of course I am," he told him.

He just needed to be confident. He didn't need to bring more doubt to the topic at hand, after all.

"Princey kind of has a point, though," Thomas only frowned at him. "We've talked about this before, but you never seem to get it. Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?"

"Well, yes, of course," Logan replied as quickly as possible, trying not to sputter over how badly his attempt had just failed. "But it's not as though I have limitless knowledge--"

"Aren't you his language center or whatever it's called?" Virgil piped up. "Isn't this supposed to be your thing?"

"I operate his recognition and use of language, yes," he answered truthfully, "but understanding more than the contextual meaning behind a phrase via facial expression or body language or tone of voice doesn't typically fall to my expertise--"

"Then why are you even doing it?"

"Wh... It... Because it's my job."

He'd never had anyone ask him such a question before, and he wasn't sure there was a better way to answer it.

"And yet," Roman butted in, "you need us to explain what we mean forty times every episode for you to understand? If it's your job, shouldn't you already know how to do that?" He grumbled, crossing his arms. "It's not like I have to relearn how to write every time I have an idea, you know. I already know how to do it. So what's your problem?"

Logan stared. He...wasn't sure there was an adequate answer to that, either. Surely, there was a legitimate reason why pragmatic errors frequented his discussions with others, but if it really was his role to handle that on Thomas' behalf, why was he continuously struggling with it? Why had he not learned about it, held onto that knowledge, and then applied it when the situation arose, just as he had with near everything else?

Why was this different, especially when it so heavily affected his purpose to Thomas?

What was his problem?

Roman laughed.

"What? Cat got your tongue now?"

"...no?" Logan raised an eyebrow, confused. "I still have my tongue and there is no cat to--"

"Logan, seriously, just stop." Thomas held up a hand to stop him. He wasn't even looking at Logan as he spoke. "You're the one always lecturing us about learning stuff but then you don't even understand half of what we're saying unless we spell it out for you!"

Logan bit his lip, willing himself to understand.

"I don't think you'd need to spell anything out, Thomas. I simply ask that you clarify the meaning of--"

"For the love of God, Logan, this is exactly what we're talking about!" Thomas shouted, finally turning to look directly at him.

Logan paused. So this was more of the same, then.

"Ah."

It wasn't just that he was asking too often, it was the matter of his asking at all.

Roman rolled his eyes.

"Boy, and you call me stupid."

"I don't believe I've called you that," Logan responded calmly, then adding, "Today."

Even if it was harsh, at least when he had said that, he meant what he said.

After all, why would someone say something they didn't mean? Wouldn't they want to be understood? To be able to communicate effectively?

When he spoke, he wanted to not only be heard but for others to know what he was trying to convey. Using hidden context served little purpose, and only proved to create massive communication issues like this one.

Logan absently fiddled with the end of his tie.

The others were all looking at him disapprovingly.

He swallowed, but something in his throat felt tight, obstructed. His eyes seemed less focused, slightly blurring around the edges.

He tried to take a proper breath, but it came in shuddering and came back out shaky.

None of these were good signs, at least as far as seeming professional goes.

"Perhaps I have asked for clarification far too often for your liking." Logan paused, expecting to be cut off yet again. When the others didn't respond, he continued, "I merely wish to make sure we're communicating properly, that I'm not misunderstanding your--"

"We shouldn't have to explain it every time!"

And there it was.

Roman and Thomas both began yelling a number of things, but Logan just waited.

Everything they were saying... They were right. Something was definitely wrong here. Logan shouldn't be continuing to struggle if they've all done their part to explain their intention so many times. Why was he still in need of clarification, of assistance? Why hadn't he resolved this on his own already?

He would have to keep trying.

As it quieted down, he turned to Thomas, attempting to hold his gaze without trepidation.

"I... I'll keep trying, then."

"What, so you weren't trying before?" Thomas was so immediately outraged. "How long are we going to have to put up with this?"

"Logan, maybe you just need to try a different way of figuring it out." Patton offered, hands up, placating. "We all know you get stuck in your ways, so maybe just try it our way this time, yeah?"

But doing just that hadn't ended well at all last time. He couldn't have been the only one who remembered that, right? Last time, he was only left confused and ultimately misunderstood by the others when he tried it 'their way'. That couldn't possibly be the solution. No, there had to be something else.

"Well," Logan tried, "I don't know if that would--"

"He's right!" Roman cut in, sounding angry. "You don't even want to get it, do you? Is this an attention thing again??"

Roman moved his arms around in ways that failed to make sense to Logan at all.

"Oh no, Logan needs even more attention now so he has to pretend to be stupid to get even more camera time!"

Logan was completely confused at such a comment. That didn't seem like a fair judge of his conduct at all.

He grimaced,

"I... I would never pretend to--"

"L, it's fine if you're just doing it so you get to talk more," Virgil told him, leaning back casually on the staircase. "I get it, man, but this isn't the way, you know?"

Logan did not 'get it' like Virgil apparently did. Why would someone pretend to not understand something? Why not just be sincere, clarify their confusion so they can get the help they need? What purpose would it serve to lie about it?

"I just..." He wasn't sure how to explain to them that he wasn't pretending without knowing why they thought he was. "That's not... I wouldn't do that--"

"Oh, please." Roman scoffed.

Thomas sighed, putting his face in his hands.

"Logan, the excuses aren't helping, either."

He hadn't meant to bother Thomas with all of this. He was at a loss on what he could do to fix this mess, one he had apparently started all on his own.

He swallowed again, feeling heat begin to rise behind his eyes.

"A-apologies."

Thomas shoved his hands down at his sides. Logan may not have been the best with body language but he could certainly tell his choice to apologize had been the wrong one to make.

Thomas glared at him, something Logan realized he had started to see more often lately. Logan flinched without meaning to, and he couldn't even begin to understand the shiver that had gone through him or what it could possibly mean. His vision blurred.

He could just make out Thomas' expression as it twisted at Logan's knee-jerk reaction, and he suddenly shouted at Logan,

"Ugh, stop crying! Just do better!"

He really hadn't meant to have any overt reaction, but he'd been quite unprepared for this turn of events.

Where had they come up with the idea that he would lie about this? Was this his fault to begin with, for not putting in enough effort to understand, to learn, to improve?

Clearly they had a better understanding than he did, so perhaps they were right. Maybe he was capable of understanding and was simply choosing not to properly learn how to discern the difference in someone's words with how they speak them.

He reached up, removed his glasses, and wiped a palm across his eye, trying to stop the tears that kept flowing. He wasn't entirely sure when he had started crying, either, but now it didn't seem to want to stop.

Thomas was right. Logan had to do better. It was past time he did his job the right way by now, and in the way Thomas wanted above all else.

He put his glasses back on and turned to Thomas, ignoring the last tear escaping down his cheek as he spoke.

"I'll try."

#logan angst #logan sanders #fanfiction #finally something with some dialogue #ooh boy i swear this isn't unsympathetic sides and thomas even if it seems like it #this is genuinely just a very bad reaction to Logan's difficulty with pragmatics #stuff like hyperbole innuendo metaphors irony and sarcasm all change how youre meant to interpret language #so of course logan can understand whats being said but when you change how you say it then it becomes harder for him to understand #when you dont say what you mean you know? #anyway yeah angst fun enjoy #sanders sides #long post #orbs speech bubbles #oh! and i was listening to I'll Try from Peter Pan 2 Return to Neverland when i wrote this #go listen to that and tell me thats not a logan angst song yeah?

[thomashewittmybeloved]

Jealous of a jock

pairing: Ted Logan x reader

summary : You've been friends with Ted and Bill for years now, being an inseparable trio. But Ethan, a jock from your class, desperately needs your help to study for an upcoming History exam. Ted doesn't really like this new friendship and tries his best to make you understand how he feels about it.

Warnings : obv jealousy and a kinda possessive Ted but other than that, it's pretty light! just like every fanfic writer ever, English isn't my first language so keep that in mind while reading!

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾

I took a deep breath as I walked into the library, trying to calm my nerves. Today was another tutoring session with Ethan, one of the jock's from school. I had been helping him with his history homework for the past few weeks, and despite our very different social circles, we had become quite good friends. We started talking when our History teacher put us together for an oral presentation about the Roman Empire, about how it was founded. When we started working on it, Ethan immediately noticed how much of an History nerd I am, which at first, I was kind of scared of, since he's a stereotypical jock that could make fun of me for knowing so much about "old dudes in dresses".

But, to my suprise, he was more impressed than anything and quite friendly. We clicked the moment I noticed how much he tried to help, even if he didn't understand anything. Our presentation was a success; 18/20, that's when he asked to be his tutor. My friendship with Ethan became quite good, I grew more and more attached to him, which seemed to be causing some problems with Ted, problems that I didn't get why even started.

He just grew more distant and cold towards me, while Bill stayed the same so it really is personal. So his new attitude explains why, right now, it's so awkward between us. I told him I couldn't eat with him and Bill because I promised to help Ethan during lunch, which ended in Ted insisting to, at least, make the walk to the library with me. Of course I said yes, I missed hanging out with him too, but maybe I would have said no if I knew how silent he would be....

As Ted and I continued walking down the stairs, I noticed him staring at me with a look of concern so, I took this opportunity to break the uncomfortable silence. "What's wrong, Ted?" I asked, trying to figure out what was going on. "You've been quiet all the way. Which, coming from you, is really concerning."

"Y/N, I don't like you hanging out with Ethan all the time." Ted blurred out, looking down.

"What? Why not?" I asked, surprised by his sudden change in behavior. Where is this coming from?

"He's a jock, dude."

"Oh." I said, understanding. "Ted, you really don't have to worry about this, he's actually really nice ! Nicer than I would've thought too." I smiled at Ted, to no avail; he still refused to look back at me.

"You're supposed to be hanging out with us, not him...We're your friends," He mumbled, his tone turning accusatory.

"I know you guys are my friends, Ethan just needs my help. He's failing History class and I'm the only one who can help him." I explained, hoping that he would understand. "Also, I'm allowed to have other friends. You're not the only guys I can help with History, you know."

"You're spending all your time with him! We don't get to hang out anymore !" Ted protested. "We also need your help dude for, like, History stuff..." He rubbed the back of his neck, walking farther away from me.

"I'm sorry, Ted, but I have to help him. I promise I'll make time for us too !" I assured him, hoping to ease his worries but by the look on his face, none of what I was saying was comforting him.

"Fine..." Ted sighed, his frustration evident. "Just make sure you don't forget about us. We miss hanging out with you dudette."

"I won't forget about you, Ted. You're both my best friends !" I said, giving him a reassuring smile while gently rubbing his arm up and down. "You're also too loud to forget."

He laughs, making my cheek redden slightly. Finally, here's the Ted I know ! He stops suddenly once we arrive in front of the library.

I look up at him with a shy smile. "I should go." I say, quieter than intended.

He simply waves at me before turning around, walking away, way too quickly. As I watch him go, I feel something tug at my heart, some sort of longing. I sigh, going in, ready to help Ethan.

As the days went by, I noticed that Ted was becoming more and more distant. He would barely talk to me and when he did, it was always about how much he missed hanging out with me. I tried to reassure him that I still cared about him and Bill, but it didn't seem to make a difference, no matter what I said. A few days ago, he commented about how I lied when I said I would make time for them. I didn't respond, not knowing what to say to that. He's usually so carefree, I wasn't expecting such an attitude from him, it took me by surprise. We haven't talked since...As I was walking to my next class, Ethan caught up to me in the hallway, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Hey, Y/N, you free tonight? I need some help with my homework !" he asked, flashing me a smile.

"Sure, Ethan. I'll meet you in the library after school." I replied, feeling a twinge of guilt for not spending more time with Ted and Bill, by accepting his offer without thinking twice. Maybe I was getting a little too attached to Ethan.

"Wait, do you have your Spanish class today?" He asked, smirking. "Because my deutsch teacher isn't here."

"Oh no, she's absent too!" We laugh at that realisation. "Well, I guess we can study right now then."

He comes next to me, taking my bag from my shoulders. "Hey !" I gasp, surprised. "You have to stop doing that, I already told you I can carry my bag myself."

"And I told you I can also carry your bag Y/N !" He winks at me, making me roll my eyes. "You're helping me for free so this is my way of paying you." He replies, walking shoulder to shoulder with me.

"What a gentleman..."

I took a deep breath to calm myself as I walked into the library with Ethan, still laughing from what he said. Today was another day I spent doing a tutoring session with Ethan, instead of hanging out with Bill and Ted.

I felt a heavy gaze on me as soon as we entered so, I looked around, until I saw Ted sitting at a table with Bill, both of them staring at me. Bill smiled when I noticed them while Ted just hung his head low. I turn around to Ethan, asking him to take a table for us. After he left, I took another deep breath, preparing myself for whatever mood Ted was in. "Hey guys," I said, walking over to their table. "What's up?"

"Nothing much dude !" Bill said, grinning. "Just waiting for you to show up, we were gonna go grab some pizza's and slushies !"

Ted didn't say anything, just focusing on his fidgety fingers. I frowned, feeling a pang of guilt for how he felt. "I'm sorry, guys. I can't today. I have a tutoring session with Ethan, his test is next week. He barely remembers when the Cold War was so we have a lot of work to do !"

Ted's head snapped up at the mention of Ethan. "Again ? You're always hanging out with him. Don't you have any time for us dude?"

I felt my face flush, taken aback by his tone. There it was again... "I'm sorry, Ted. I'm just trying to help him out. It's not like we're doing anything wrong." I clutched my arm, trying to stay calm. "We talked about this already; I'm helping him, he needs my help."

"Maybe he's using you for your, like, brain dude." He looked back down. "You don't know..."

I bristled, feeling defensive. "He's a nice guy, Ted. And I can be friends with whoever I want." I crossed my arms. "Why are you so angry about this ? You're usually so chill about everything, why is this specific thing getting to you so much ?"

"Yeah dude, what's with the attitude?" Joined Bill, just as confused as me. "Be nicer to the babe."

Ted's jaw clenched as he stood up abruptly. "Fine. Do what you want. Just don't expect me to sit around waiting for you all the time." He paused, looking at both of us with wide eyes. "I'm hungry anyways."

He stormed out of the library, leaving Bill and me staring at him in shock.

"What the hell was that about?" Bill muttered, looking up at me.

I shook my head, feeling just as confused as him.

"I don't know. He's just been acting weird lately." I sigh, rubbing my hand down my face. "Since I started to help Ethan he's like that... I don't understand why tho."

"Maybe he's jealous," Bill suggested, raising an eyebrow.

I scoffed. "Jealous? Of what?"

"Of Ethan," Bill responded, shrugging. "You guys have been spending a lot of time together. Maybe Ted feels left out, I don't know." Bill smiled knowingly at me. "I mean, you did walk in here laughing while he was carrying your bag, dude."

"I, what ?" I think about it for a moment, still shaking my head. "Why would he mind about that ? Ted never carried my bag before..."

I rolled my eyes, but deep down, I knew that Bill was right. Ted had always been a little possessive of me, I just had never thought it was anything serious. We just always had each other so, I simply thought he was afraid I would leave for the more popular kids, maybe it's deeper than that... I look at Bill for an instant, noticing his open notebook.

"Hey, you want to study with me and Ethan ?" I asked, smiling. "I could help you with the Charlemagne chapter."

Bill face immediately lightened up. "It would be most excellent dudette !"

The next week, I had another tutoring lesson scheduled with Ethan, as always. He had his test in two days so this was THE moment to study. It's been days since I saw Ted, I had glimpse of him sometimes in the hallways, he would walk past me after quickly glancing my way. I tried to not overthink it but it was hard, I was missing him an awful lot... Not seeing it everyday of every minute just reminded me how much I like him, how bad my crush on him is.

As I walked into the library to join Ethan who sat at our usual table, I saw Ted sitting alone, looking dejected as always. With my heart starting to pound, I walked up to him, hating how our last conversation ended. The moment I approached his table, he looked up before quickly adverting his eyes, sitting up straight.

"Hey, Ted, what are you doing here?" I asked, kind of surprised to see him here of all places. He usually never hangs out in the library expect if we have to study, he seems to be here quite a lot lately.

"I thought I'd surprise you and come help you tutor Ethan..." Ted said, a hint of bitterness in his voice. "Bill told him you helped him after, you know."

"Really? That's great, Ted!" I said, genuinely happy to see him and especially hear him say that. "Oh yeah, it's great !" I grasped his hand without thinking, dragging him to me and Ethan's table. When he noticed us approach, Ethan smiled nicely. "What's up?" he asked while Ted sat on the chair next to me. "You're Theo, right?" Ethan asked, putting his fist in front of him.

"Ted." He responded simply, fist bumping Ethan's hand with hesitation.

"Right, Ted, my bad man."

"He's really bad with names." I murmured, trying to ease the atmosphere. " Especially Napoléon Bonaparte, he cannot remember his name even if his life depended on it..."

"Hey, that French guy as a hard name ok !" Replied Ethan, his hand up in surrender.

"Napoleon ?" Repeated Ted, before turning to me. "Oh the little angry French dude ?"

Ethan brust out laughing at that, earning us a shush from the librarian. We giggled quietly, Ted shoulders relaxing lightly and is usual smile finally appaering again.

"Guys, guys, let's focus ok ? The test is in two days !" I say in the most neutral voice possible, not succeeding to stop my growing smile from appearing at Ted's one. "Ok, so what famous battle did Napoléon Bonaparte loose ?"

Three hours later, we finally get out of there, sighing loudly. Ethan's leave's us quickly, having a football practice, leaving me and Ted alone in front of the library. I quickly glance at him but feel heat rise to my cheeks when I see that he was already looking at me, a big smile on his lips.

"You were right dudette ! Ethan is a nice dude !" He pat's my shoulder. "He as a most excellent humour."

I laugh, nudging Ted shoulder with mine. "Told you." I respond, adjusting my bag on my shoulder, groaning.

"I can carry it if you want !" Before I can even reply, he takes it from me and slings it over his available shoulder. "There ! Now we're ready to go !"

"Why do you all think I can't carry my own bag ?!" I complain, while catching up with Ted who already started walking. I stop my thoughts for a moment, thinking back on what Billy said to me a few days ago. I look back at Ted who's still smiling, moving his head to the beat of an invisible song. That's when it hits me, finally. I stop in my track, also stopping Ted by putting my hand on his arm. "What's up dude ?" He asks, turning around to face me. "Y/N ?"

"You were jealous of me and Ethan." I whisper, realising it as I say it. "But, not because you were afraid of losing me as...a friend."

Ted eyebrows furrow, confusion written all over his face. "What do you mean?"

"You were jealous, yes ?" I ask, looking up at him. "Be honest."

He's hesitant for a moment, his cheeks reddening slightly. "I mean, yeah...like, kinda. I was afraid he was, you know, mean and stuff." He shrugges, his gaze looking at everything but me. "Turns out he's nice ! And his exam is in two days, so you'll be free again !"

"Ted..."

"Yes ?" He responds, looking at me again, his smile fading when he see's my expression. "Y/N ?"

"Are you..." I gulp, feeling my hand starting to shake. "Ted, I have to admit something to you. I don't know if I'm reading what's happening in the wrong way but I have to try, just in case I'm right." His brows furrow again, now he looks even more lost than before. "Give me my bag, just in case I'm wrong so that I can run away quickly." I chuckle nervously.

"What ?" He laughs quickly "Why would you ran away dude ?"

"I like you." I blur out, looking him dead in the eyes. "Not in a you're my best friend way but in a I want to be way more than your best friend way." I quickly swallow, feeling my courage fade. "I mean, not super mega best friend way either. Romantic way, like couples." I search his eyes. "Ted ?" I ask, my heart hammering in my chest. "Please, say something..."

"Woah dude..." He whispers, taking his head in his hands. "DUDE !"

I jump at his sudden yelling but can't help a laugh when I see him jumping around, punching the air yelling dude and woah multiples time. He suddenly stops, looking at me with the widest smile I've ever seen him have.

"DUDE !" He yells again, running towards me, lifting me in his arms while I yelp.

"Ted ! Oh my god, what are you doing ?!" I laugh while he spins me around. "I'm going to fall, I'll fall !" I breath out, felling my body slip away from his arms. "Ted, what's happening with you ?" I laugh, out of breath while he puts me down, his arms still holding me close to him.

"What's happening ? Dude, you told me you're in love with me !" He responds quickly, his voice trembling. "The most bodacious babe just told me she likes me ! Like, in a romantic way !"

I push him a bit to look at him, surprised. "Wait, does that mean..."

He cuts me off. "Of course it does ! Why would I spin you around ?"

"Do you even know yourself ? You could do it at any given opportunity!" I laugh, in disbelief. "So, I was right, you were jealous of Ethan."

Ted lower his head, his hair covering his face to hide his shamefulness. "Yeah... I mean, the guy's has everything. He's popular, handsome, nice and a jock. Bonus point for being funny !"

I smile tenderly, taking his face in my hands to put his gaze back into mine.

"True. He's veeeery handsome." Ted huff, trying to look away but I turn his face again to make him look back at me. "But I prefer guys with brown hair and eyes, who wear silly jackets with a big smiling face behind, rather than a sport's one. I also prefer guys with a blond friend called Bill. You want me to continue or you got it ?"

I feel the heat radiating from his face on my fingers, if seeing how red he was wasn't enough. We only look at each other for a moment, letting everything sink in.

"I really want to kiss you." He breaths out. "Can I kiss you ?"

"After you apologies."

"I'm sorry for being an evil dude. I shouldn't have ignored such a babe just because of a nice jock guy."

I giggle when he gives my cheek a quick peck. "And I'm sorry for not taking the time to hang out with you and Bill, I should have. I swear that from this day on, I will no matter what !" I finish my speech by returning his quick peck, making him giggle. "Now you can kiss me handsome."

He blushes at the pet name before crashing his lips on mine without a warning, making me yelp in surprise. Quickly, I compose myself and slide my hands to his hair to deepen the kiss while they move in rhythm with one another. It's clumsy, so we smile and giggle through it, he even apologies some times which I always respond with a simple it's ok before pulling him back for more. He doesn't have to be jealous, because no matter how messy and inexperienced our kisses are, I only want his.

"This was the most excellent kiss ever !"

#Ted Logan #ted logan x reader #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves #bill and teds excellent adventure #bill and teds bogus journey #bill and teds excellent adventure imagine #x reader #ted logan x you #ted logan jealous #ted logan imagine

[intrulogical]

Perceptiveness and Power: A Remus Essay

While this could just be me reiterating what was already presented in canon, I just wanted to acknowledge the semantics of Remus as a side, and how his sense of perceptiveness provides him a semblance of power to influence both Thomas and the other sides.

In DWIT, to explain how Remus was able to garner anxiety from Thomas, Patton, and Virgil, Logan describes him as someone who “plays to [Thomas’] sensitivities.”

And, well, fucking duh. I think majority of the fandom acknowledges that Remus uses fear as a means to gain control or get the attention of the other sides and Thomas. But a thing I think most people don’t acknowledge as much is how skilled Remus is at understanding fears in the first place.

[rest of the essay is under the cut!]

Because random, stereotypical R18 stuff is generally scary; it appeals to what the status quo collectively thinks is inhumane or awful. But to me, this isn’t actually what provides Remus power to influence the others. He garners control via understanding personal fears. And, I mean, double fucking duh because it would hit more if someone can thoroughly sniff out the insecurities you keep secret from the world.

But I still think that Remus’ perceptiveness of one’s fears generally goes unnoticed. I think it’s underestimated, even, both in the fandom and in Sanders Sides itself. We think this man is Silly, he said so himself, but I think we also have to realize that Remus is deliberate. Yes, his goals can be silly and can change on a whim, but that does not mean that Remus is dumb. He commits. He commits in the way that he creates complicated traps for Thomas to feel more and more insecure about himself. He commits in the way that he plays into Virgil and Patton’s fears, toying with their warped sense of black-and-white thinking to make Thomas become more insecure.

If Remus wants to do something, he’s perceptive enough to know which insecurities he has to feast on to make it work.

Rewatching DWIT, I’ve noticed that, besides his random comments, he makes comments that directly describe the insecurities of everyone else in the room. It’s interesting, because he can make a string of comments unrelated to the matter at hand, then he’ll drop a heavy fucking bomb calling out the insecurities of another person. Here are the different examples I caught in DWIT and WTIT:

Reaping Thomas’ morality crisis:

His awareness of Logan’s neglect:

Two instances of his awareness of Virgil’s internal morality conflict:

Even Roman tells Thomas that Remus reminds him of his own insecurities. What a fucking madman. (all /lh btw, I fucking LOVE devious schemers):

And the scary part about this is that... this is the first time we see him. Of course, the sides would know him way before this episode, but the fact Remus can read them well without being close to them is terrifying.

The question is, what becomes of Remus’ perceptiveness and harvested power? While I am a Remus and Logan-centric blog, I do think there’s enough scenes in both DWIT and WTIT that could potentially foreshadow the future of their dynamic, and the execution of how Logan comes to terms with the others’ neglect towards him.

First scene:

Like, this feels a little… too on the nose. Knock on wood, Logan, especially when you acknowledge what happened in WTIT.

Second scene, to provide more context on what I want to explain: I can’t just provide screenshots for this, and I can’t attach a video, so please watch DWIT from 29:42-29:55. If you can’t, here’s a transcript:

[Logan: And THAT is precisely why the Duke feels like such a threat. In part, at least. The feeling that you may be a bad person who doesn't have control over yourself or your destiny causes you to fear that you may actually act on these thoughts.] 

An important part to denote is that Remus shifts is eyes when Logan says “feelig that you may be a bad person who doesn’t have control over yourself.” There’s something very mischievous and cheeky about that eye shift, from looking directly at Logan and looking away as if saying, well isn’t that hypocritical?

Look at the transcript again, too. Even without Remus’ eyeroll, doesn’t the person Logan describe feel a little… familiar to you? Of course, they all shared the loss of the audition, but think: which of the sides has hinted anger issues (“doesn’t have control over yourself”) and has lost the opportunity to heavily influence Thomas’ life, especially in terms of career (“or your destiny”)?

Of course: Logan.

While Logan is correct in saying intrusive thoughts don’t have real-world impact, Logan is also correct in saying that Patton and Virgil are at fault for reacting intensely against Remus’ funneled intrusive thoughts, causing Thomas’ mental health to dip further. 

But Remus does not just invoke fear via horrors that the collective status quo would consider as horror. Remus understands and is perceptive of the other sides and Thomas’ personal fear, just like I established a while ago. And with the way he calls out other sides’ insecurities, sometimes he just... does it, because he wants to. Not just as his role as intrusive thoughts, but possibly just a personal agenda to fulfill.

So, in essence, Remus as intrusive thoughts may not hurt Logan, but Remus as a perceptive, cunning, committed, goal-oriented person still can.

If he sniffs an insecurity out of Logan, would you think he still has no “real-world impact”?

Yeah, thought so.

While I don’t actually know what Remus would want out of Logan, I do think that, at a meta-angle, Remus can provide... a lot of insight and advice for Logan in terms of gaining power and handling mistreatment, whether it would be beneficial for Logan or not.

All I’m gonna say is, Remus’ character is very interesting, and I’m heavily intrigued to know how he would continue bothering the other sides, especially Logan.

#sanders sides #sanders sides meta #thomas sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #analysis

[beauty-and-passion]

"Into the Unknown" and into my dashboard too

So, let me get this straight:

I was here, writing my analysis for Can Lying Be Good, all happy and naive like a little chicken, thinking it was almost time to go to sleep, when people started talking about moceit and Roman in a field and I was like... wait, is there a Sanders Sides video?!

And guess what, there is.

No, of course I didn’t scream when Janus appeared with that coat. You good sir, you are too stylish. I hate you and I love you. But mostly love you.

Even more important, MY HEADCANON IS RIGHT. The headcanon I keep talking about since last year. My headcanon about Janus and Patton meeting to talk about Thomas and morals and changes in his life. That headcanon is now canon. Janus clearly talked about multiple meetings. They met more than once. They MET and that means I was right and my headcanon is canon.

Okay, maybe Janus and Patton were not in a wheatfield, but it’s just a matter of time. It’s just because Mr. Sanders didn’t have a wheatfield available. I believe that, once he will find it, I will have my wheatfield. For now, we have the huge tall trees I also mentioned. It’s just a matter of TIME.

And their conversation! They said just a couple lines, but that was EXACTLY how I imagined their meetings: Janus exposing his ideas, Patton listening, maybe understanding, maybe not agreeing. This is all I wanted. I want more of it. The setting isn’t the same, but I don’t care: these two interacted and it was beautiful.

And yes, my shipping heart is pleased too, because the perfection of this moceit moment is everything. What did I say about moceit being more than just “cute couple being cute”? That’s what I meant.

Again with the setting because it just blew my mind: the Sides are not all around Thomas. They are in other places. Does that mean MY IDEA OF THE ROOMS IS CANON TOO?! Are those their rooms?

After all, Virgil is on the couch of his house, Roman is in a field that he could’ve just created. And Remus is on the railway tracks because he’s the best Side in the world and I love him. Okay, we’re missing Logan’s lighthouse, but just because Mr. Sanders didn’t have the sea available. I believe this is also a matter of time. Once he will find a good location near the sea, I will have my lighthouse headcanon confirmed. It’s a matter of TIME.

Last but not least, we have Janus singing and all the lyrics perfectly match the Sides that appear. Mentions of reveals for Virgil, pretending for Roman, a bit of unknown (”where will we end”) for Remus, burdens for Logan.

But, most importantly, the mention of golden memories dancing in a swirl associated with Patton. And if any of you read my analysis of Janus’ playlist and this song in particular, you will remember that I had a very specific image of this song, as something associated with the end of Thomas’ life and Janus and Patton cooperating until the end by mixing lies with memories as it always happen for old people.

So... was that a hint? A confirmation? Another headcanon?

Moral of the story: I am unstoppable. I am god. I am canon. I feel the power. I am amazed and shocked.

What a great way to end my day, Mr. Sanders.

#sanders sides #ts spoilers #thomas sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #the moceit is really unstoppable #and apparently my headcanons are unstoppable too XD #how am I supposed to go to sleep now #I had to write this post

[gabulousxo]

Ok.. think about this...

What if, that....

Not only that Logan liked Quinn all along, even though he obviously didn't realize it in the beginning nor would he embrace the idea until S4, but...

What if one of the reasons why he was so mean to her since the beginning was because he was pissed off that she was interested in Mark, chased him, and dated him instead.

Think about it:

Not only is it a weird, yet true fact that teasing/being mean can be a facade for liking someone, (I've dealt with the exprience before myself), ..but what if Logan couldn't stand the idea of Quinn liking Mark. And that's why he'd give her a hard time a lot, because underneath his cocky, douchy behavior, he was jealous that Mark got her first. Even if he didn't realize any of this at first. And honestly, Mark couldn't have cared less about dating Quinn. Let's face it, that relationship was one sided since day 1. Not that Mark didn't like or care about Quinn, but it was very obvious that he only got into that relationship to make Quinn happy.

Anyways though, you gotta wonder if that's a part of why Logan was an ass to Quinn until S4 because he was upset and didn't understand why she was into some wet noodle (as Erin once put it lol) instead of him. And in his own bizarre way, getting on her nerves a lot and pushing each other's buttons was his way of getting closer to her. You know, like from frenemies to friends kinda. Again, even if he let himself believe that his attitude towards her didn't have feelings attached to it.

So then, when Mark broke up with Quinn because he got interested in and starting seeing the new pretty girl, Brooke, behind Quinn's back, ..and later on left her crying alone at a bench, Logan came along and saw her in heartbreak. So wanting to somewhat be a friend, he asks her what's wrong, and reassures her that he really wants to know why she was upset and wants her to open up to him. So when she does, though for a second he thought it was interesting that Mark got a hot girl interested in him, he then changes the subject by telling Quinn that she's better off because Mark was an idiot for letting her go.

Like come on! He openly tells her how idiotic it was of Mark to break up with her. And that her trying to compete with the typical PCA girl image was pointless because being weird, smart, fun, and pretty in her own ways is what makes her "Quinn". And though he didn't flat out say that he liked her, saying this words of encouragement were his way of telling her he liked her for her and that he thinks she was perfect just the way she was. (Then to top it all off, he symbolizes all this by putting on her glasses for her..without asking if he can or advising her to.) THIS ALONE attests to him having underlying feelings all along.

I'll bet a part of him was happy that this happened because now he was able to admit to himself in a natural, zero pressured way that there was something there for him. He may not have known what it meant yet of course, but he had to have felt at that point that Quinn was special to him, that he did care about her, and that now he had an opportunity to let her know that despite their on going frenemy banter and teasing, he was possibly falling for her. And that maybe, ..just maybe he always did have feelings for her. He would just hide them underneath teasing, name calling, and douche bag behavior. As well as hiding the fact that her being with someone else made him unawarely jealous.

But now that she was single again, he had to have felt in that moment that an opportunity to face his attraction and feelings for her head on had presented itself to him, and that this would most likely be his one and only chance to embrace that attraction/feeling, take the leap, and act on it. Otherwise he'd lose any chance he had for good. So he did act by leaning in to kiss her, holding her with both of his hands I might add. I said in a previous post: that to me also symbolized everything above. That he was waiting for the right moment for a long time, and because she had been with Mark for so long, that's why he never overstepped or tried to maneuver his way in. He just let it go and dated countless girls.

Think about this also: in "Quinn Misses The Mark", there's a scene where Logan is trying to get some random girl interested in him. Now he obviously didn't know what was going on with Quinn and Mark yet, but that's my point. Once he found out Quinn was single again, he saw an opportunity and he took it. Afterwards, no other girl had his attention. Nor did he want anyone but Quinn to have it 100%. (Dating wise.)

Ok, so long story short, I honestly believe that part of the reason why Logan was an ass specifically to Quinn in the beginning was because he was unawarely jealous of Mark and that the idea of liking Quinn freaked him out so he'd just cover it up. Until that day he saw her in tears on the bench. Then, ...everything changed. Now, ..jump ahead to 15 yrs later. ❤️

#quinn and logan #quogan #zoey 101 #zoey 102 #quinn pensky #logan reese

[marvelmusing]

I’ve been thinking about how in BIT you wrote that Logan is still adjusting to being a vampire and the last century…cue me thinking about reader teaching him about the 21st century and Logan being really cute while his brothers make fun of him 🥰

Aleksander and Billy are the ones to introduce him to the vampire world, whereas you’re the one to reintroduce him to the human world once he feels comfortable around humans again.

Out of the three of them, Aleksander picks up new technology the quickest. After dealing with centuries of human advances he’s become quite adaptable. Billy pretends he understands a lot of things, but sometimes you spot him watching you as you explain something to Logan.

Imagine being the person to teach Logan how to drive.

Aleksander only really drives when he needs to, so he’s glad to let you teach Logan in one of the spare cars in his garage. Billy loves his own car, there’s no chance of him letting Logan touch it, and he parks it around the other side of Aleksander’s house as you walk Logan through the basics.

Logan tells you that he had a car very briefly as a human, but cars in the 1920s were plenty different from the modern SUV that Aleksander owns.

Aleksander and Billy watch from the front entrance as Logan does a few tentative laps of the courtyard. Billy smirks teasingly when a small plant pot is knocked over, but all in all you’re a good teacher.

As much as Aleksander trusts his brother with your safety, he doesn’t trust his limited driving skills. So, he only allows the two of you to venture out onto the roads surrounding his house if you promise that you will be the one driving. Of course, you agree.

It gives Logan the chance to watch you drive, as well as listen to the radio and ask you all about life as a human in this century. He’s the closest in age to you, out of all of them, which you think helps the two of you to bond.

I imagine him loving city nightlife, walking around the streets arm in arm with you after visiting a rather fancy cocktail bar.

Alcohol doesn’t effect him like it did when he was human, meaning that he can try as many as he likes. He’s equal parts puzzled and intrigued by all the ornate additions to the drinks - like liquid nitrogen and hand crafted sugar decorations.

Speaking of modern technology also had me thinking about each of the boy’s most used emojis:

Aleksander: mostly red or pink love hearts, kissing face or the smiley one with hearts around it. He doesn’t use them often, usually just as a sweet little extra at the end of a message to you.

Billy: winking face and smirking face definitely. He uses those when he’s making teasing comments about you and Aleksander. The eyes emoji is used whenever you tell him he’s in trouble. He also occasionally uses the vampire emoji as a joke.

Logan: laughing face, thumbs up, and the classic smiley face. Almost every message he sends will have an emoji in it. He also uses the feature where the keyboard finds an emoji that relates to what you’ve said in your message so his frequently used is constantly changing.

-

#blood is thicker au #vampire!logan delos #vampire au #vampire!aleksander morozova #vampire!billy russo #aleksander morozova x reader #my mutuals (affectionate) #answered asks #thanks for the ask!

[succs]

5 & 6 for your kenneth & stewart questionnaire (i hope those are their full names)

it’s not for either of them but i respect my delusion indulgence anyways thank you

5. What were they like in college?

I feel like Kendall was still in the grips of Logan’s claws in college of course. He was in a different city, a different state, and I do think that physical proximity away from Logan helped him feel a little bit looser on the leash. That relieved him as much as it scared him. Didn’t amount too much more, but waking up in the morning without the anxiety of his father’s stature looming over him is a nice relief. While I don’t believe it on a personal ideological level, I think Jesse Armstrong’s claim that “people don’t change, not really” (He said it in an interview but I can’t for the life of me find which one if someone can help out) holds a lot of weight to their relationship. Like, Kendall’s course of action and motivations may change but on a fundamental level he still revolves solely around his father. That will never change. So I feel like, much how he does now, if Stewy wanted to either guide Kendall in a direction (for financial/tactical purposes or otherwise), he would do what works best, and that’s frame Logan’s approval/disapproval as an attainable asset in whatever they’re cooking. “You gotta demonize him before you kill his ass.” “I saw what he did to you when you were a kid, I was there.” I think part of Stewy realizes that Kendall’s world revolving solely around Logan, even through disdain, is unhealthy. But I do think he assumes that’s so much more healthier for him than being the dog that keeps crawling back. I think Stewy gave Kendall his first blunt, first line, first beer. And yeah, while maybe he partially fumbles with that guilt a little considering Kendall’s rehab trip, I do think Stewy is still a private equity finance bro who’s perception and understanding of addiction is shaky at best. His drug habits started in Harvard (assumably) a period in his life where (assumably) the company and his family didn’t have as close reach to him. See; my first point.

Of course they had the late night “We’re gonna take over the world, man. It’s gonna be ours.” But i don’t know, personally that always seemed kind of bittersweet and bleak, which fits. Two 1% bozos circlejerking about they can’t wait to own the world and profit off of inequality because of capitalism and Logan’s assurance that Kendall serves no other purpose. The fact that that’s eventually unattainable to both of them says a lot about their dynamic, yeah? It’s depressing on all fronts. Uhhh what else, I think Stewy is the only man Kendall ever fucked. Stewy fooled around some though, Harvard boys make do. I think they had those funny celebrity magazine clippings mentioning them, probably some jokes about Kendall sucking dick like stock or some corny MTV bullshit. Most of them would be testimonies of people calling Kendall annoying and stuck up. Rumors about him using and Stewy’s involvement yatta yatta. I’m sure Stewy likes the attention though, even if it’s often indirect. I know I would. Also my truth is @onemagpie @doodoocumfart and @ophiocordycep draw my ideal college KenStewy like those goobers just exist in my mind now to me they are real and palpable.

6. sexuality n gender headcanons. r they bi4bi. t4t. gay4bi. etc etc. u get it

Not my concern. I think sexuality and labeling in Succession is such like, a particularly alien concept for these characters. I think @romanroydinnerparty has made some insanely spot on posts that probably explain that point a lot better than I can. But I do think the idea of Kendall using his bisexuality as pseudo-woke publicity bullshit (like the faux-feminism arch) and doing the “QUEER AF CEO💪🏳️‍🌈” thing is sooooo funny.

#succ.txt #sorry went insane #I have more to say on college KenStewy but eh I’ll do it later I’m tired

[pretendicanwrite]

Something happened Pt. 4

Who's over a week late? not me....

Part 4!!

I wanted to write a little bit more of this story before I published another chapter so that I could explain a few things.

I haven't really been able to find a good place to end this story, so I have decided to open up this universe. I haven't come up with a name for it, and I'm not sure that I will. However, this specific plot point in said universe is probably only going to be a few more chapters. Possibly about 3 including an epilogue.

I have really enjoyed writing this, and that might be why I can't find a stopping point.

I hope you all have enjoyed this despite the heavy topic.

Enjoy!!

Character credit to @lumosinlove

CW: Semi-graphic descriptions of s*xual assault, and mental health issues.

**********

When they walked in, they were met with the sight of a bunch of half-dressed men, whipping towels at each other's legs. Finn and Logan had already changed, but they were still sweaty so they decided to hit the showers, and left Leo sitting in his stall.

Remus walked over eventually after getting dressed and sat next to Leo. “Hey, Knutty. Everything alright?”

Leo nodded, telling him that he was going through some stuff.

Remus, not wanting to force Leo to elaborate just said, “Of course. Just know that me and Cap are always here for you.” He went to pat Leo on the shoulder, but Leo flinched violently, drawing the attention of half the room, the other half looking over when they noticed everyone went quiet.

Leo’s breathing picked up speed noticing everyone staring at him. He stood up quickly and walked out into the entrance hallway. He knew logically that the team would never judge him for what had happened, and would be supportive, but still. The thought of them knowing scared him.

Finally, after he had calmed himself down, he walked into the locker room, noticing how the team avoided staring at him. He could still see the looks of concern on their faces though.

“Sorry. Something happened to me, and I’m not ready to share it yet, but I don’t want to be touched right now.”

The team all let out words of understanding and continued on. When Finn and Logan got out of the showers and finished dressing, all three boys walked out to the car.

“I know you said you don’t like people behind you, but would you like to sit in the front or the back?”

“I’m okay with the back, thanks, Logan.”

They drove home, Finn and Logan much calmer than they had been the previous two weeks.

When they got to the apartment, all of the boys sat on the couch and put on Friends for background noise.

Leo was sat in the middle with boys on either side of him, and with everything finally out in the open, it was the safest he has felt since the whole thing happened.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys sooner. I know you said that it was okay, but I want you both to know that I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t ready. It was nothing to do with either of you. My brain kept giving me all these scenarios of what could happen, and it was always the worst reaction. Thank you guys for being here, and understanding this. I want you both to know that I really love you and that I appreciate your understanding.”

Leo tentatively wrapped his arms around his boys and laid his head on top of Logan's.

Leo had scheduled 3 appointments this week with Heather, all of them before practice. So when he woke up in the morning earlier than his boys, he rolled out of bed and got ready quietly.

Knowing that his boys would need the car to take their gear, he called Cap. Sirius was always at the rink at least an hour before everyone else and was always the last to leave.

“Hey Cap, can you pick me up on your way to the rink?”

“Of course Knutty. What’s up?”

“I have an appointment with Heather, and I don’t want to make Logan and Finn head to the rink early, and I know you’re always there early.”

“Alright, I’m heading out the door now, so I’ll be there in about 5 minutes.”

Leo thanked him and hung up, heading out of the apartment to wait on the curb. Not even 4 minutes later Cap pulled up in his Range Rover, sunglasses perched on his nose.

“Get in rookie.”

Leo hopped in on the passenger side, and Sirius pulled away from the curb, starting the 15-minute trip to the rink.

“I just want to let you know that you can talk to me anytime. If something’s going on with someone on the team, the staff, or even one of your boyfriends, I’m always here and willing to talk.”

Leo nodded, keeping his eyes on the road instead of looking at his captain. “Thank you. Something happened a couple of weeks ago, and I’m not comfortable talking about what it was just yet. I should probably let you know that I don’t want to be touched right now though, and I don’t like people standing behind me. I know that it’s an inconvenience being on a pro hockey team, but I just need some time.”

“Of course. Whatever you need Knutty.”

When they arrived at the rink Leo waited for Cap to grab his bag, and they walked in together. Leo thanked Cap for his ride and walked straight to Heather’s office.

“Hello, Leo.” She greeted. She was sitting at her desk writing in a journal perched on one leg. She had glasses hanging on her nose and smiled up at Leo. “Take a seat wherever. If you’re interested, we can go talk out in the actual arena. I know Sirius is usually in the locker rooms working on plays, so we’ll have it all to ourselves.”

Leo took her up on her offer. He kept a regular pair of skates in the locker room to use sometimes instead of his goalie skates. 

After working with hockey players for so long, Heather learned to skate. She realized that her hockey players usually felt most comfortable on the ice. They tended to open up to her more, and they seemed calmer while they were skating. 

She and Leo did slow laps around the ice, talking about how he’s coping, giving him helpful hints, and working on how to talk about it, and how to work past his adversity to being touched. 

“I can initiate it, but anytime Logan unconsciously reaches out for me, all I can think about is that guy, and I can’t handle it. Almost everything makes me think of him, and I feel like I’m letting everyone around me down. Some days I can barely function without breaking down.”

“Alright. Well, Leo, you’re not letting anybody down by taking the time and space you need to heal. We’ve discussed some different techniques of what to do while you’re experiencing these feelings, but right now I’d really like to talk about what you think is causing them. I know we’ve talked about a few of them, but I think there are more that you just haven’t realized are triggers yet.”

Leo stayed silent for a lap. He thought over almost every interaction he’s had since the incident. A few things came to mind as he passed the goal for the second time in silence. When he was ready, he shared his thoughts with Heather.

“I think I would agree with most of those. Now that you recognize them, do you think it will make it easier to handle your thoughts towards them?”

Leo silently nodded and watched as Remus walked into the rink. He smiled politely and headed back to the locker room while Leo and Heather skated over to the bench. 

“How do you feel today went, Leo?”

“I think it went pretty well. I’m sorry I took so much of our time to think.”

Heather smiled a genuine one and sat across from Leo as she took off her skates. “No apology needed. That was kind of the point of today’s session. I wanted to get a feel of where you are at, and where you want to be. The entire idea behind this was to get you thinking about your processes.”

Leo thanked her once again and headed into the locker room where slowly, more people were beginning to get ready for practice. His face formed a small smile as he thought about how much progress he had made today. He was genuinely proud of himself, and as he walked through the doors, he found himself heading straight for his redheaded boyfriend. 

He gently rested his hand on Finn’s shoulder, and when he turned around, Leo slowly wrapped his arms around Finn. 

“Well this is new, Nutter Butter,” He chuckled.

Leo knew that he was moving fast, but Heather had told him that recovery was different for everyone and that it wasn’t a linear path. He was proud of himself for initiating this contact. He had wanted to be held by his boys this whole time, but his mind had held him back.

“What do you mean, this is new? You guys are always disgustingly all over each other.”

Leo felt Finn tense up. They both knew that Talker was joking, but Leo’s mind immediately provided the thought that Talker thought they were disturbing.

He was quick to withdraw his arms, not noticing how Finn was trying to keep him there in his panic. 

Finn leaned in towards him, being careful not to grab or touch him. “He was just kidding baby.”

“I know.” Leo’s voice came out raspy, and kind of shaky. Most of the guys turned to look at him, and he only sunk further into his panic.

“Knutty, I was just kidding. You guys are adorable together.”

“I know.” Leo moved, and lowered himself onto the bench behind him. “I know.”

“What’s happening rookie? Would you like one of us to go get Heather?” James offered, moving to set his hand on Leo’s shoulder. 

Leo flinched. Hard. “Don’t want to be touched.”

Jame’s face melted into a guilt stricken look as he quickly pulled his hand back.

Leo had gathered the attention of the rest of the team, including Logan as he walked out of the P.T. room.

He was vaguely aware of someone, he couldn’t tell who, walking towards the staff hallway. His breathing was picking up, and he finally figured out what was going on. He was having an anxiety attack. 

Heather had gone over what to do during these, but for the life of him, he could not remember what it was. 

“Alright- out- this is non-negotiable. -needs space.” He barely registered Cap’s voice as he ushered everyone out of the locker room.

**********

#finn o'hara #leo knut #logan tremblay #lumosinlove #sweater weather #o'knutzy #oknutzy #wolfstar #coops

[two-am-outlines-only]

Laughter is my Love Language

Summary:  Logan doesn’t laugh much when Virgil first meets him. Eventually Virgil learns when Logan is truly happy is when he opens up.

Warnings: food mention, some self deprecating humor. 

Ships: Logan x Virgil, Analogical

Word Count: 1, 664

AO3 Link

Logan doesn’t laugh much when they first meet, which is somewhat of a problem for Virgil since he often relied on laughter to fill otherwise awkward silences. The problem was that Virgil was funny in the stupid way- which he blamed entirely on his dad’s humor that fell over to the punnier side. Crack a pun, reference a meme or as a last ditch effort self deprecating humor was usually relatable enough. Logan fell for none of those and more or less was just left confused by them- or he took the self depreciation too seriously and Virgil ended up with a heartfelt lecture on how important he was. Which, as sweet as it was, wasn’t the point of poking fun at something at his own expense.

--

“Boy Logan that sandwich is jam packed!” said Virgil sometime during their freshman year of high school.

Logan had looked at his sandwich in confusion. “There’s peanut butter there too- but yes it’s Crofters.”

Virgil fought to keep the smile on his face. “Yeah I know, it was a joke.”

“But it is packed with- oh that was a pun. Clever.”

--

“Here comes dat boi!” Virgil cringed at his own voice as the meme reference fell out of his mouth. He hadn’t seen Logan smile once that day and all attempts at conversation had fallen flat so...memes. Why not? Logan was on his laptop often enough he had probably seen what he was referencing at some point. Plus Logan was gliding very confidently on his skateboard and Virgil was suddenly feeling very tense and wanted to break it. Logan, unhelpful as he was, merely stopped and kicked the board up to tuck underneath his arm.

“‘Dat’?” He questioned.

“I-it’s...a meme. I was- referencing a meme.”

“Ah.”

“...yeah.”

Nailed it.

--

“That’s just me being dumb though- you know how it is.” Virgil let out a defeated huff of laughter and settled his chin on his arms. It was their senior year and he was talking to Logan about his current grades. Everything else was straight A’s other than gym. He didn’t like changing in front of others and the bathrooms were blocked off for whatever reason so he just didn’t do it. He took the fail but still needed the credit or he’d have problems getting his diploma, which was completely stupid and unfair but he knew it was his own stubborn fault and-

“I don’t know.” Logan hadn’t laughed at the “joke”, of course he hadn’t. Virgil sighed, opening his mouth to say something else completely stupid and worthless but Logan beat him to it.

“You aren’t stupid. Lack of participation doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it means there’s some other problem that needs addressing if you’re willing to take a failing grade instead of confronting it.” Logan turned to him with a serious look. Always so serious. “So, if I may ask, where’s the problem?”

Virgil blinked. “It’s stupid.”

“Virgil.”

“I just...don’t like…” Virgil turned into his elbow, cheeks reddening at how dumb the problem really was.

“I didn’t hear you. Can you please speak up? Or write it down if that’s easier.”

Snorting he decided to take him up on that, tearing a scrap of paper off his notebook and writing it down.

There was a pause and then: “Is this all? If you take the make-up class there won’t be nearly as many people and if you get there early you can be changed before anyone sees you.”

Peaking around, Logan’s face was so genuine, like he actually wanted to help. Virgil almost didn’t have the heart to say why that was also a problem but he needed him to understand. “I won’t know anyone in the make-up class.”

Logan screwed his mouth to one side trying to figure out why that would be something Virgil would worry about. His face brightened somewhat as he looked back to Virgil. “If it would ease your anxiety I could take the class with you. While I may not have to make up for the credit, it is open to sign up for extra if anyone so chooses.”

Virgil bit his lip. That would- actually really help, but he couldn’t let Logan do that could he? “You don’t have to.”

“I am aware. But going would be a nice routine and I would be very happy to do it if it meant you would be more comfortable.”

“You’re serious? You would really do that?”

“I’m always serious, Virgil. Of course I will.”

Maybe sometimes Logan not getting the joke was a good thing.

--

“L, it’s three in the morning. Go to bed.” They were in college sharing a dorm, and though Virgil could fall asleep with the lights fully on so Logan’s lamp wasn’t keeping him awake, it was the fact the other man was still awake that was bothering him.

Logan let out a short, humorless laugh and waved hi hand. “I’m almost done.”

Virgil hated when he laughed like that. No happiness behind it, only stress and exhaustion and irritation. Sighing Virgil reached over and plucked the pencil from his hand, shooting him a warning look when it seemed like he was about to protest. He closed the book and stacked it neatly with the couple notebooks he had and placed the pencil and calculator on top. Turning to his dorm mate he pointed to the dresser in the corner. “Pjs. Now.”

Slightly concerned when Logan only stood up to do as he was told instead of arguing he shrugged it off and sat back down on the bed. Logan came over a moment later, plain black tee drooping over one shoulder and sleep shorts slightly rumpled. They really needed to do laundry. Before he could say as much, Virgil was suddenly on his back, Logan’s head on his chest with his legs sticking straight over the side. Laughing softly he ran his fingers through the others light red hair, combing out the tangles gently while Logan relaxed into him.

“Logan buddy, I love you so much but if we fall asleep like this we’ll never get up again.” The other grumbled but took a breath and rolled off his chest, swinging his legs over to turn on his side and nearly kicking Virgil in the head in the process. Smirking, Virgil crawled up behind him and flopped with his arm slung over his side. He laughed again when he realized he was already asleep, arms askew and already drooling on the pillow. Snuggling into his back and hugging him tight he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep himself.

--

Logan sat at the table with a book flat on the surface, notebook close by as he made careful notes for the next curriculum. His brow was pinched in thought and his third mug of coffee was cooling beside him, untouched for nearly an hour as he fixated on his work.

Virgil looked back out the window as he finished drying a glass. Gray clouds were rolling in and it was already starting to drizzle. Good, they needed a good rain for the start of summer. Tuning in once again to the furious scratching of a pencil behind him he set the glass down and whirled around, racing over and catching Logan’s hands in his own to tug him up and towards the door.

“Virgil what are we- it’s raining! Virgil!” Virgil stopped for a moment to look and see if Logan was actually distressed but upon seeing more fond annoyance than anything else he grinned and stepped out into the downpour. He took away one of his hands and led Logan in a spin down the porch, feet slipping slightly in the wet grass as he maneuvered them around. Logan was smiling now, stress lines gone from his face as wet hair flopped into his eyes and obscured his vision. Virgil’s own hair was slicked flat to his forehead, emo fringe he would never cut hanging down to his lips before he shook his head hard to dispel the water. Logan yelped and flinched away before laughing low at himself, grin turning mischievous as he reached up above Virgil's head to take a hold of a tree branch. Yelling as what felt like gallons of water soaked him he stood there thoroughly soaked and shivering slightly before letting out a howl of laughter, Logan following right after. He was sure the neighbors could hear them but he didn’t care. Logan was laughing so hard he was clutching his sides, shaking with the effort of holding himself together.

This was what Virgil loved most. Logan didn’t always laugh easily, not understanding the joke or understanding what was meant to be a joke but making sure the person was okay first. When he did laugh, it was one shared with others over whatever dumb, stress free thing they were doing. It was unplanned and in the moment, something Logan and Virgil were usually both averse to. But here in the rain, or getting icing everywhere on their wedding day, or the shared laughed when they woke up together after yelling at each other the night before to go to sleep it rang out; it was clear and joyful and carefree- a language all on it’s own that neither of them needed to “get” in order to join in .

When they first met Logan didn’t laugh a lot, which was somewhat of a problem for Virgil since he often relied on laughter to fill otherwise awkward silences. But when he opened up he began laughing all the time, each one precious and kept close to the chest. Virgil collected them, hoarded them even, storing them like coins in a jar in exchange for the happiness he felt each time he was the one to cause such a beautiful sound. And as they giggled still through slight coughs under a blanket that night, he couldn’t be more happy he could speak this language with Logan.

#oren writes #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #virgil sanders #sanders sides virgil #logan sanders #sanders sides logan #logan x virgil #logan sanders x irgil sanders #analogical

[britswriting]

Desire (4)

Desire Masterlist 

Read on Wattpad

*Leighton's POV*

"I'm excited to bring in the New Year with you" Colby said as we set up for the party.

"Yeah? It's my first night without Gemma, I'm kind of anxious about it" I shrugged, taking Red Solo Cups out of the packaging.

"She's with your family right?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, Gabe's at his own party. My dad's watching her. My siblings are at some dumb High School party for New Years so he's excited to hang out with his granddaughter" I smiled softly, loving the idea of my dad and daughter bonding.

It was quiet for a moment until he sighed, placing napkins next to the plates by the food.

"I can't believe we haven't talked about that night in your parents house, or you moving in" Colby said and he sounded slightly peeved by it.

"Well we've been busy. I've been hanging out with my siblings a bunch before Logan leaves, and you and Sam have been busy with marketing. Do you want to talk about it now?"

Colby rolled his eyes and he was clearly annoyed.

It was weird to see him be so sensitive.

"If you really wanted to talk about it, I figured we would've talked about it more by now. I thought we just moved on" I said honestly, figuring it was just one dumb moment, and we moved on.

I've talked to Colby since then, and he didn't say anything.

"I haven't moved on" He said bluntly and I nodded, knowing he needed to express his feelings so we keep our friendship the way it was.

"Okay, well, let's talk then. What are you expecting from this conversation? What questions do you want answered?" I asked, wanting to know where we should start since he seemed more affected by this than I was.

"I want to know what now" He said, his eyes on my face as I tried to put the pieces together to answer his questions.

There was a look in his eye that showed uncertainty, and that scared me.

"Okay. Part of what now do you want to know most? What's the biggest question in your head right now?"

Colby was quiet for a moment, and I let him process, sitting in silence as I waited.

"All I'm thinking about is kissing you" He said honestly and I nodded, my focus 100% on him. "And how I like it when we hang out. I don't know.. I feel like I was so close to something.. and then Christmas ended.. and I was back to square one"

I pursed my lips, trying to replay the past week in my head.

"What's your square one?" I asked, curious to know where he thought we went back to.

"You moving on, being on your own. Us being more distant.. not hanging out as much. I started to feel things.. and you left"

"I didn't leave Colby. I was with my siblings. Logan is getting sent off to god knows where, and I wanted to hang out with him. I put you on the back burner for a minute, not really thinking a whole lot about our kisses in the guest room when my brother is leaving in a few weeks. I'm sorry that I didn't answer your questions and that we didn't work this out sooner.. I've just been distracted. With Gabe going back to New York soon, Logan going to wherever they need him, my stress of possibly moving back to your guys houses and... I'm just overwhelmed Colby, I'm sorry"

"No.. I'm being selfish, I'm sorry. I.. I understand" He said in a soft tone, almost seeming saddened by my words.

"But just because I'm busy doesn't mean I should ignore you. Something huge happened between us, and I haven't acknowledged it, and I'm sorry. I know it's a big deal.. I know it changes the course of our friendship.. I just.. I truly don't know if I can do the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing. If I can make this happen, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you because I'm not ready. I've hurt you since day one for my own selfish reasons.. I don't want to do that again" I told him, hoping he understood where I was coming from.

Before he could reply, I heard a squeal and felt arms wrap around me "Hey!" Kat squealed, her arms around my waist.

I instinctively sucked in, which made my abdominal muscles scream at me.

My body was still very sore since I was trying to lose the weight. I still had quite the stomach, my thighs were more jiggly than they used to be, everything was a lot looser and just looked wrong.

Cynthia kept telling me that it wasn't a race to lose the weight, and I know that I need to take time to heal.. it just sucked to wear anything because my stomach was too big to fit my old clothes, and I was too broke to buy new ones so I lived in sweats and a t-shirt most of the time.

"Hi" I replied back, all of my insecurities alerting my brain as she squeezed my stomach, hugging me.

"I'm so excited to bring in the new year! Where's baby G?" Kat asked and I sighed, wishing she'd let go of my stomach.

"With my parents"

"Oh" She frowned, dropping her arms and snatching something off the counter.

"What? Am I only good enough for you due to my baby?" I asked, confused by her drop of tone.

"No, I just.. was looking forward to seeing her, that's all" Kat replied, popping a grape into her mouth.

I frowned, my mind racing at the idea of Kat only looking forward to seeing me due to my baby.

"Hey Leigh! Sorry I haven't said hello sooner, been cleaning" Sam said, a box of Clorox wipes in his hand.

"It's alright" I replied softly, still stuck on what Kat said.

"Alright, well-" He started talking but I tuned him out, staring at the tiled floor. "Anyway, I think we're almost ready though. Not that I don't love your outfit, but is that what you're wearing? I like it. I like whatever stain that is on your shoulder" He complimented with a laugh, causing my head to turn to look.

"Um... it's either old baby puke, or something from breakfast, and no, this isn't what I'm wearing. I actually need to go get ready soon. The party is in what, 3 hours? And Kat takes at least two and a half in the main bathroom" I teased and he nodded. "Is it really that bad?" I questioned, looking down at my lounge wear.

"You've looked better" he joked, but I didn't take it well and I felt my eyes sting as I nodded, dismissing myself from the conversation.

I stood in the guest bathroom, taking some calming breaths.

I could see the double chin staring back at me in the mirror, my stomach pudge jiggling as I moved, my hands holding my sore boobs from breastfeeding.

My hips were a little wider from pushing out a human. My face was littered in acne and the bags under my eyes definitely weren't my best look, and to touch it all off, my untamed hair was tossed up in a high bun, flopping over the side of my head.

What did he see in me?

He really looks at this and thinks "I want to kiss that"?

I sat in the bathroom, taking a minute to just let myself cry. Feel the emotions and allow the negative emotions to show and pass.

Once I pulled myself together, I ran some warm water over my face, taking some calming breaths. I stared at my own eyes in the mirror, not wanting to look any lower than that.

What the fuck was I going to wear that was going to cover all of this?

I grabbed a few possible outfits from my overnight bag and started undressing.

I shimmed out of the yoga pants and pulled the baggy shirt over my head, it getting caught on my messy bun, pulling my hair.

For fuck sake

I pulled on one of my flowy dresses, checking myself in the mirror.

Yeah no. Look at the way your cellulite shows in this. I can't walk around all these skinny bitches like this.

I quickly tugged the dress off, feeling everything jiggle as I pulled the neckline over the bun on my head, feeling it flop around.

What if I wore a long dress?

I didn't bring any long dresses.

Why didn't I bring any long dresses? Dumbass.

I shuffled through my bag, finding some skinny jeans.

Great.

Something else skin tight.

I was flipping the jeans up my legs when there was a knock on the door.

"Occupied!" I called out, struggling to pull them over my hips.

My belly jiggling as I tried to button them.

"You alright?" I heard Colby ask and I nodded, forgetting her couldn't see me as I held my breath, trying to button the jeans.

"Damn it" I breathed, letting my stomach expand again.

"Leighton?" he asked and I groaned, wanting him to go away.

"I'm fine!" I called back and he sighed before I heard him walk away.

I slide down the wall, throwing the jeans at the lower cabinets in frustration.

"Leigh? Are you sure you're okay? What was that?" Colby asked and I groaned, unlocking the bathroom door since I knew he wouldn't go away.

"Don't look at my boobs, or my stomach, or my thighs and while you're at it, avoid my face" I muttered once he walked in, shutting the door behind him.

"What are you doing on the floor?" He asked and I ignored him, rubbing my eye. "Alright, what's wrong?" He asked, leaning against the counter, staring down at me.

"Everyone coming is a skinny bitch and I gave birth a month ago, everything jiggles" I grumbled.

"Okay, so what is the problem?" Colby asked and I groaned, banging my head against the wall.

"Ow" I moaned, dropping my head forward. "You're not looking at my almost naked body right?" I asked and Colby stayed quiet which made me look up at him. "Colby? Colby? Cole!" I snapped and his eyes snapped up at mine.

"What?"

"God" I groaned, "What are you looking at? Something that's ugly and jiggles?" I asked and he rolled his eyes.

"I like the nursing bra, very cute"

"Shut up. What do I wear?" I asked, not even bothering to cover up at this point. He's already seen it all anyway.

"I am not your bitch" He noted and I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever you say. I should just go home huh" I sighed and his eyes widened.

"What? Why?"

"Were you even listening to me?" I asked, slightly annoyed that he claimed to help me, and instead has been staring at everything I told him not to look at.

"Um.."

"Cole!" I gasped, smacking his arm.

"I'm sorry! Your boobs look good in that bra" He complimented and I rolled my eyes, my arms coming up to cover my chest. "I said not to look at my boobs! You don't have the right to eye fuck my body"

"I'm sorry! You look good" He complimented and I sighed.

"It all jiggles" I wiggled my legs and arms which made my whole fucking body bounce.

"And?"

"It's ugly" I frowned, seeing my thighs jiggle as I moved away from him.

"Says you"

"Yeah says me. Now what do I wear?" I asked, knowing none of my options were good enough.

"Why can't you just ask Kat?"

"Because Kat's a skinny bitch. My jeans don't even fit" I grumbled and he chuckled.

"C'mon, up off the floor" He tugged my hands and I groaned.

"You're not going to do some cliché look at your body and love it speech right?" I asked and he chuckled, shaking his head.

"No, but I do plan on kissing your stupid face" He said and I raised an eyebrow, my mouth parting in surprise.

"Who gave you the right to kiss my stupid face?"

"You, the night you said you had possible feelings" He smirked and I rolled my eyes, letting him pull me up off the floor.

"I didn't give you the right to kiss me" I cocked an eyebrow, my breath hitched at how close he was standing.

"Ah, so you definitely didn't kiss me three times that night" He said smugly and I shook my head, grinning.

"Of course not. Now what do I wear? I can't walk around naked" I sighed, grabbing the jeans off the counter.

"I mean, you could if you wanted to"

"Cole"

"What?"

"Shut up and help me"

"Okay, what are your options?" he asked, leaning against the counter once again, seeming to be eyeing me, alerting my brain of all my insecurities.

I pulled out the dress that made my thighs ugly, the jeans that wouldn't button, and the leggings for tomorrow.

"Put them on, let me see"

I groaned, tugging the dress over my nursing bra and granny panties.

Wasn't post baby body fun?

"Okay, what's wrong with this one? I think it looks good. You look good" He nodded, his eyes scanning over my frame.

"Look at how my thighs jiggle in it" I bounced a little and he scoffed.

"So what? You look hot"

"Can you stop thinking with your dick and think with your head. Look at how it all pokes out. I don't want to be in the background of videos with my belly poking out, or my thighs jiggling"

Colby rolled his eyes, turning me around in a 360.

"I like it, your ass looks good, your boobs look good. I don't see a problem with your stomach and I like that your thighs jiggle. I like that I can watch them move and bounce. I'm not only thinking with my dick, but my brain. I like it. You look hot" he said point blank which made me blush and nod slightly.

"Ugh, fine. Now these don't fit, so these are out of question" I threw the jeans down and he nodded.

"Okay, and what about these?" He asked, holding up the black pair of pants.

"They're my leggings for tomorrow. I don't have any top choices. Didn't expect to wear them tonight and Sam pointed out my baby puke shirt so.."

"So the dress it is, right?"

"But.."

"Leigh, you look good. You like me right?" He asked and I nodded slowly. "Then my opinion should be the one that matters to you. If you like me, and I say you look hot, shouldn't that mean something?" He asked, and I sighed, checking myself in the mirror.

"It does mean something, but what about other people? I can't look like garbage next to them"

"Let me kiss you" He said, catching me off guard.

"What?"

"Let me kiss you" He repeated and I titled my head.

"Why?"

"Shut up and let me fucking kiss you. I want to kiss you so fucking bad, please for the love of god say I can kiss you" He begged and my face scrunched up.

"But-"

"Leigh-"

"Fine, you can kiss me" I gave in and Colby leapt forward, his hands grabbing my waist as he tugged me against his body, his lips finding mine as he hungrily kissed me, squeezing my hips in the dress.

"Mm, Cole" I moaned, pulling away as he kissed my jawline. "We aren't together, what are you doing?" I asked breathlessly and he hummed against my skin.

"Making you feel good. Making you feel how you look" He murmured and I pushed him away a little, my hands on his chest.

"I don't want to lead you on Colby. I can't promise you a relationship"

"I know, and I'm not really a relationship type of guy.. but ignoring this feels wrong"

"Wouldn't this be your first real adult relationship?" I asked, not knowing if I was ready to be his guinea pig.

"I've dated people here and there. What are you afraid of Leigh?" He asked, almost seeming defeated.

"Getting too attached" I said quickly, my heart racing a little as he stared at me. A look in his eyes that I couldn't figure out. "I got attached to Gabe. I thought he was the end. That he was my finish line.. that I didn't have anything else to do. I did it.. and then we broke up, and Gemma came along.. and.. and.. I'm afraid of getting too attached to her. That something will happen, and she'll go away. That someone can do this better, that CPS will take her.. I.. I got attached to you.. and... you left. You were MIA for a while. You watched my baby come into this world.. and after Sam's birthday.. you left. I got attached, I trusted you.. and.. and you left"

"I left because I liked you. Leigh.. I've liked you for so fucking long and knowing you fucked Aryia crushed me. It fucking ruined me. He got to not only another one of my friends.. but he knows you better than I do. He's fucked you, and you let him. You let my friend fuck you... and then I found out you were pregnant.. and you were single and alone, and no, it wasn't pity.. but I didn't want to let you go. I wanted to make sure you were okay, and safe, and comfortable. I figured that would be my role. Just make sure you're not alone. That I would be there.. then you went into labor, and I didn't expect to be there. I expected you to pick someone else.. and then we went through all of that together.. and I know I keep saying this.. but how am I supposed to move on to someone else, when we share such a special memory together?"

"Why are you so stuck on the moment Gemma was born?" I asked, knowing it sounded more rude than I intended, but I wanted the clarification that he felt it too.

"Because that's when it all changed for me ,Leighton. I saw you in a whole new light. It.. I.. never mind" He sighed and I frowned.

"It what?"

"It's not important" He reached for the bathroom door handle but I grabbed his hand, stopping him, "It what?" I repeated quietly and he looked over his shoulder at me.

"It made me fall for you" He said softly.

"Wh-what?"

"I don't know if it's love.. maybe it's just respect.. but I can't stop picturing us in that room, doing the labor positions, the stretches, you pushing, hearing Gemma cry.. and.. I have no right to say this.. but god does it fucking suck to know that she's Gabriel's daughter and not mine. I was there every step of the way.. I heard her cry for god sake.. and she's his daughter. I'm just simply... what is that you called me.. Uncle Colby? Yeah. I'm just Uncle Colby. Always have been, always will be" He said in a snappy tone, his eyes narrowed at me.

"What, do you want more? That's what you are to her. You're here Uncle Colby"

"That's all I am to you aren't I? I'm just Uncle Colby. I want more Leighton! I want more with you, with her.. I... I'm almost fucking 24, and I think I'm old enough to know what I want. At least what I want for now-"

"See, that's why I'm scared! You're twenty four in two days, and you think you want this life. You think you want this baby.. but what happens when you're twenty five or twenty six and you realize that you don't want Gemma and I? I'll be damned if you break my baby girl's heart. Fuck me over, shame on you. Fuck over my daughter, shame on me. I don't want her getting attached to you like a father figure if you plan to just dip for someone else. I don't want that for her. You said it yourself, she's too pure and innocent for this world's hurt and pain, and Colby... you hurt people. You fuck up constantly. You pick the wrong people, ruin relationships and blame others for your actions. It's a lot safer if you're Uncle Colby. I don't want to resent you. I don't want her to hate you-"

"So what, that's it? I'm just your fucking roommate and Uncle Colby?" he snapped and I sighed, leaning back against the wall.

"We're both nervous.. just I have strings attached to me, and you don't. I don't want you to get attached to us, and then cut us off. We're a bundle Colby. You need to be ready for this, and because I know I'm not even ready, I can't expect you to be ready. I'm not asking you to mature so quickly, to become Mr. Dad so soon.. I.. I don't want that for you. Live your life Colby. Don't be tied down to a baby. Fuck girls, drink, party.. be twenty four. I'm twenty one, and I can't do half the things you're going to be doing at your birthday party. I can't do the things you do on a casual Friday... be twenty four okay? Be young and let loose, have fun... let me be mature and old and boring. Don't resent me for this. Don't hate me for letting you off the hook-"

"The only person who can let me off the hook is me. I don't want off the hook-"

"Colby-"

"No fuck, you don't get it do you? I gave you that fucking key-" He started and I sighed, "Here we go with the key fucking again" I groaned out of frustration and Colby glared. "I gave you that fucking key because I want a life with you. I want to try, I want to do this together! I want to be given a chance! You're choosing my life for me, and I won't allow that! You can't tell me what I can and can't do, who I can and can't love and how I react to such emotions! I love your little girl, so let me" He begged and I rolled my eyes, frustrated.

"Colby, did you give me that key hoping I'd say yes to dating you? That you'd have everything you wanted? News flash, just because you're set for life with your millions of dollars-"

"I don't have millions of dollars" he scoffed, doing a horrible job at hiding his emotions in his tone and face as he was clearly pissed off at me.

"You think I'll follow you like a lost puppy? Just because I get food from food shelters and the government gives me money to help support my child, doesn't mean I need you. I don't need a place to live. I have an apartment. I don't need your handouts or your pity, I'm good on my own. I... I don't want your fucking key Colby. If you want to play house, go find someone else!" I snapped, on the verge of crying as my chest tightened, my brain and heart going through all sorts of emotions.

"I don't want to play fucking house Leighton! I thought what we went through together meant something to you!"

"It did mean something to me, Colby, but neither of us are ready! I can't do this. I can't live under the same roof with you if you can't accept the words I'm telling you. We don't even know if we actually like each other! I don't know if this is just fucking hormones from giving birth.. I.. Colby please.. please don't make me feel bad for choosing my daughter. For putting my baby first. I've worked so hard to feel this way about her.. please.. please let me go. Let me grow, let yourself grow.. please.. You.. you have no idea what you're talking about. You don't know how hard this is-"

"But I want to know" He whispered and I sighed, a tear falling down my red cheek.

"Just because you think you're ready, doesn't mean you're ready. I don't want to ruin your relationship with my daughter all because you think this is what you want"

"If this isn't what I want.. then why do I feel envy every time you tell Gemma her daddy is coming.. and pass her to Gabe. How come I feel angry when I think about everything you went through, and he just stood there-"

"He didn't just stand there! You don't know anything about what I went through-"

"THEN TELL ME! LET ME IN! What do I have to do huh?! Haven't I done enough?! LET ME IN!" He yelled and my eyes widened as I tried to take a step further away from him, quickly realizing I was already pressed against the wall.

I felt my heart race and my body start to shake, "To answer your questions.. I don't want your fucking key, I don't want a relationship with you, I don't want you to be my baby's father and by the fucking way, this dress does make me look fat, and I will be going home. Happy fucking birthday Colby. Here's to twenty four. Wish you the best" I grumbled, snatching my jeans off the counter and my bag off the floor as I quickly left the bathroom, tears stinging my eyes as I slipped on my shoes.

"Leigh!" he called after me, "So that's it?! You're just going to run away?!" he yelled and I felt anger boil in my veins. "I value our friendship more than a one night stand!" I yelled before slamming the door shut, tears falling down my cheeks as I ran to my car.

The last thing I was doing was being selfish, but I used to always being the bad guy.

* * * *

Written on: June 27th, 28th, 29th 2022

Word Count: 4.2k

Part Five

#colbybrock #samgolbach #samandcolby #colbybrockfanfiction #colbybrockwattpad #wattpad #samandcolbyfanfiction #drama #colbybrockimagine #samgolbachfanfiction #samgolbachimagine

[gothighunicorntolerance]

In League With Dragons- chapter seventeen

a family reunion

Read on AO3!

It was a bright, cloudless day when the dragons came back. It was unannounced, and unheard until the moment their beating wing flaps stirred the wind outside the little cave in the hill that Nico had begun to call home. 

As soon as they heard it, Thomas shot up from where he had sat and sprinted outside, his happiness written plainly on his face. 

Nico followed, as he always did, slower behind him, until he parted the curtain door and smiled as he saw everyone. 

Everyone!

They had landed on the banks of the river, swollen from the slowly melting snow. Small puddles of slush still dotted the area, but the sun felt warm on Nico’s face after so long with a gray clouded sky. 

The water barely reached Logan’s knee even in the deepest part of the river where he stood, sending cascading ripples down the current. Virgil stood silently, his head turned up to watch the sky, Roman, Remus, and Patton chased each other, splashing in the water, until they caught sight of Thomas and barrels into him, all of them laughing as Thomas slipped, drenching himself and shaking his head with a grin. Even Virgil bounded over to Thomas and grinned.

On the pebbled shoreline, Janus’s keen eyes immediately spotted Nico, who froze.

He and Janus had parted on what seemed to Nico amicable terms, but what if three months had changed Janus’s opinion of him for the worse?

“I sssee you’ve been taking good care of him.”

Nico’s mouth dried as he stumbled over what to say. Why did it feel that no matter what Janus said, it felt like he was being scolded?

“We… uh….”

Janus gave one of his low, rumbling chuckles. Somehow, Nico had said something funny. 

Why was it that the most intimidating thing about Janus wasn’t his talons or teeth or even the long scar on his face, but that Nico never knew what Janus would say?

Janus rolled his eyes. “I’m messssing with you. Relax. Now come on, we’re leaving sssoon.”

Nico retreated back beneath the willow to pack whatever he would need for the next year, his hand wandering to his neck and rubbing at the pearl Thomas had given him as he did so, folding clothes and stuffing blankets into his own backpack. 

He had almost finished when Thomas came in, his eyes downcast. 

“What’s-“ Nico asked, eyebrows furrowing. 

“I… I don’t want them to know about… us. Whatever we are now. It’s not because you, not at all! I just… feel weird talking about it. Like it’s a secret I don’t want to tell anyone. I don’t… I don’t want it to end, either.” Thomas trailed off, his face red.

“Okay,” Nico nodded. “We can figure all of that out later. We have plenty of time.”

“Oh- it’s okay with you?”

“Of course. Though I feel like Janus already suspects.”

“Yeah. You can’t hide anything from him.”

“So…”

“So… I don’t want to stop being with you. I love you, I really do. I’m just… not ready to tell everyone.”

“Absolutely, yes. They’re great and all, they just seem… a little intense.”

Thomas laughed. “That’s one way to put it. But… I’m glad you understand. Can I-?”

Thomas moved closer, and in answer, Nico closed the gap with a small kiss, grinning the whole time. 

They stayed beneath their willow tree just a moment longer than necessary, reveling in the fact that it was only them for one last time before they left with the dragons. After one last kiss and one last declaration, they left their carved out space for the last time until the winter came again. 

Logan knelt, allowing Thomas and Nico to climb on, and they settled in like usual. Thomas sat in front, holding on to Logan’s spines, while Nico sat behind him, arms wrapped tightly around Thomas’s waist. 

He hadn’t realized just how much he missed the feeling of flight until they were in the air again. 

Cold wind whipping through him, clouds trailing next to them, gliding higher than even the birds, watching the trees pass like an ocean below him, transforming into a rocky expanse of mountains and hills or the flat, endless grasslands. 

Now, the woods slowly transformed into a lake that stretched on for what seemed like forever, the shadows of the dragons darkening the crystal clear water, wingbeats sending ripples that turned into waves across the smooth surface. 

Once, he caught a glimpse of a small fishing boat, bobbing on the surface. He couldn’t make out the people on the boat, but he was sure they stared up at the sky in either awe or fear as the six dragons flew one by one in a line above them, not a single one sparing a glance at the little boat. 

Below them, a dark shape slithered under the surface, coiling and twisting in the icy water. It was possible it was just the shadows of one of the dragons, but Nico thought that was unlikely. Stories of lake monsters swam through his mind, but the shape was gone before he could see any more of it. No one else seemed to notice, and strong wingbeats pushed on towards whatever destination Logan had decided on. 

He could spend the entire day watching the landscape and all its secrets pass below him, and indeed he did. They must have flown hundreds of miles that day, gliding effortlessly over every obstacle that one traveling on land would have to overcome- over dense clusters of plant life, over a river flowing so rapidly that the water appeared white, over an expanse of gray and brown boulders until they began to descended, going down in large, lazy circles, lower and lower until they landed in a stretch of gigantic trees, taller and wider than even Logan, as the sun began to touch the horizon, enveloping the impossibly huge trees in shadow. 

As Nico looked up, the budding leaves seemed to brush against the red-streaked clouds. 

Thomas hummed an idle tune, the pollen blowing away from him to form 

almost a dome around him and Nico. As he sang, the forest seemed to change. The blinking fireflies’ glow seemed just a little brighter, the green of the leaves seemed just a little more vibrant. Thomas didn’t seem to notice the change at all, but Nico certainly did. 

Janus and the others had already piled against Logan and Thomas began to pull out the blankets, but Nico continued to stare up at the sky as it darkened, a giant moon rising from the ground, the pinprick lights of stars casting a faint glow through the dense, arcing branches. 

How different the spring nights were from the winter ones! Instead of his breath clouding in front of him, a dusting of pollen sat on every surface of the bark. Not a flake of snow came down, but rather fireflies lit up from their hiding spots in the brush. 

There wasn’t he preferred more, spring over winter or the other way around. No, they were both beautiful in their own rights.

Nico sat and leaned on Thomas, who put an arm around him. They lay down next to each other just as they had below the willow tree, smiling at each other  and hugging each other close. 

“Goodnight,” Nico smiled, curling close to Thomas. 

“Goodnight.”

The nights grew warmer, and despite the occasionally uncomfortable lay hot days, Nico never missed a chance to be as close to Thomas as he could. Even as the sun beat down in their backs, sweat trickling down their foreheads, they held hands as they waded in streams or rivers or leaned against each other in the shade of a tree, making the most of their moments of time alone with each other. Logan and the others left them mostly to their own devices, which meant they could generally do as they pleased, which usually meant just enjoying each other's presence. 

They went on just as they had in the summer and fall before.           

#Sanders sides #thomas sanders #nico flores #ts nico #pintroverts #karrot kings #logan sanders #janus sanders #c!Thomas sanders

[georgianadarcies]

I know it’s obvious that both Dean and Logan suck in different ways, but who do you think sucks more? Like which one leaves Rory worse off? Who is objectively the shittier person? I trust your take on this

god that is SUCH a hard question because I hate both very much and I think like you said they suck in different ways but I will try my best to give you a good answer on this that isn’t just “it’s complicated” because that is boring and we are here for the analysis are we not.

ok so. I would like to preface this by saying that I loathe dean, I think he is probably a shittier person just in general, but when it gets down to how each affect rory and the course of the show, I think I have more hatred for logan. this is not to say that what dean did is lesser, and how I feel here is complicated — dean did things that were flat-out awful, while logan’s actions were more subtle and over time, which is why I think overall it was worse. dean definitely had a negative impact on rory, such as leaving her afraid of making future boyfriends jealous by hanging out with other guys. the thing is, once dean was gone for good, he was gone. there may still have been some lingering effects on her, but logan shows up through the revival, continuing to harm rory through her thirties. (yes, yes, there is nuance there, but I am speaking generally here.)

I think logan was worse because he was actually smart. dean’s manipulation was to a lesser extent because he was just SO fucking stupid and while that doesn’t make it less valid, I just don’t hate him as much because he isn’t cunning or intelligent. he’s brutish and aggressive and there’s barely any nuance to what he does, save for him telling rory his marriage was over to get her into bed — I think that’s maybe the one thing I can think of that’s logan level. but other than that, not really.

logan, on the other hand, KNEW what he was doing. maybe not all of the time, but generally speaking he knows how to phrase things to get what he wants. he was under a much more convincing cover, regardless of what the people of stars hollow would have you believe, because he was charming and he was smart. he knew how to get rory to forgive him by saying the right things, not by just yelling until she gave in. he would tell her she was different (essentially a “you’re not like other girls” line) and convince her he cared about her more, and then ghost her and let her convince herself that it was her fault. he would cheat on her and decide that he actually thought they were broken up when he realized she would be upset. he would twist her words every time she was angry with him until she just started blaming all his mistakes on herself. I think overall, logan wore her down until she would willingly have him walk all over her and still think he was great. he makes her feel like being at her worst is okay instead of making her feel like she needs to be her best because he is also at his worst, so that makes it fine. he wants her to be someone else but goes about things in a way that makes her think it’s a good thing to change herself for him. he may not even have noticed this at times, it was just that natural for him because he had never been told no in his life. he made her insecure and she never really regained full trust in him after everything, but like everything else, she never even thought to blame that on him.

I despise both, but I am fairly confident in my answer, although I definitely understand why some might say dean is worse. he just doesn’t invoke the same rage in me that logan does, although maybe some of that is because less people defend dean? but anyway, I hope this makes at least some sense, and I am curious to know your thoughts!!

#ask #anonymous #anti logan huntzberger #anti dean forester #gilmore girls meta #I could go into a lot of detail on what logan did but that would take up way too much time #but if you want examples I will give some!! #this may be controversial I’m honestly not really sure #also sorry if some of this makes no sense it’s so late and I just wrote most of an assignment in one night so I am very tired

[eliemo]

Bored of Love

Summary: Virgil knows Roman is going to leave if he doesn't change. But he still has time. He can fix this.

TWs: social anxiety, fear of a breakup, misunderstandings

Notes: Enjoy this little oneshot while I work on some of my bigger projects. Romantic Prinxiety, established relationship

Virgil didn’t know how much longer he could keep doing this.

Which was stupid, he’d put himself in this position. It’d be selfish of him to back out of it now. He might ruin everything irreparably if he even tried.

Virgil could suck it up and deal with this, even if it felt like he was going to die the next time he stepped into a public place the Imagination created for him.

But that didn’t matter. Because this was for Roman- and Roman was beaming. He’d been thrilled all week, eyes lighting up in a way that made Virgil dizzy whenever he suggested another date idea or activity to the Prince, carefully hiding the exhausted waver in his voice that hadn’t gone away after three straight days of taking Roman out.

He’d thought he might have been going a little overboard, offering to go out and do things day after day. He’d been a little worried Roman would catch on to what he was doing. Maybe he’d laugh at how disgustingly desperate Virgil was.

But he didn’t. The Prince just looked more excited each time, jumping up and sweeping Virgil off his feet and into an embrace when a new idea was presented.

And that made it worth it. Roman was happy- happy with Virgil- and that was the best feeling in the world. If it meant Roman would keep loving him, that Roman would stay, a little exhaustion and extra anxiety was something he could live with.

Virgil was just...glad he’d forced himself to do this before it was too late.

He hadn’t noticed it until last week, how...annoying it must be for Roman whenever Virgil wanted to stay in and do nothing. Again.

Virgil had thought it would be ok, that Roman understood that sometimes going out and doing things, being active and social, was just a little too much. He’d warned Roman about it before they’d gotten together, that his anxiety could be an obstacle, that he’d do his best but he’d always prefer to be alone with his boyfriend, held safely against his chest.

And Roman hadn’t cared. Not even for a second. He’d waved it off with grand declarations of love that he’d quickly pushed aside in favor of more serious, quiet promises, holding Virgil close to make sure he understood.

All he wanted was Virgil to be comfortable and happy. All he wanted was for them to be together. If Virgil would let Roman love him, he would be happy no matter what they did.

And that’s what they’d done. And everything had been...perfect. It had been better than he’d ever thought it could be, everything he’d never let himself dare to hope for. Being with Roman made the world feel ok, and the bad days more than worth it.

Virgil loved him. And he was so so scared to mess this up.

Which was why last week, when Roman had actually been annoyed by his introversion for the first time, Virgil had panicked immediately and scrambled to fix everything.

Roman had suggested going out on a date night, something a bit more extravagant than their usual quiet dinner in Roman’s room or in the empty kitchen. And as nice as it sounded, Virgil knew there was absolutely no way he would have been able to handle it that night.

His anxiety had been acting up, leaving him jumpy and tired, and even just the thought of venturing out into the Imagination left him wanting to curl up in his bed and never leave.

And he’d said as much, sheepishly admitting he’d really rather just stay inside for the night. And instead of the usual gentle understanding he got in return, Roman had scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Of course you don't,” he’d muttered. “Come on, Virgil, you never want to do anything fun. Staying inside all day is boring. I’m just trying to do something nice for you like a boyfriend is supposed to do since apparently you can’t return the favor.”

And then he’d stormed off, probably to complain to Patton and Logan, and Virgil he’d been left on the couch feeling like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over his head.

Roman had said when they’d started dating that it was ok, that he didn’t care. He wanted Virgil, not the dates and outings and activities. He wouldn’t care if Virgil was too anxious to go out. He’d be perfectly content curling up in bed and watching a movie they’d both seen a hundred times before.

Was that...not true? Had he changed his mind? Was Virgil getting boring? Was he annoying Roman?

Was Roman going to leave if Virgil didn’t hurry up and get it together?

Maybe it was already too late. Maybe Roman had already gotten bored and fallen out of love with him. Maybe there was nothing Virgil could do to convince him to stay with someone like Anxiety.

Beneath the panic, Virgil had recognized he was spiraling. Roman wouldn’t leave him, not out of nowhere. Not over this. Virgil still had time to fix things. He could be better.

Roman had apologized less than an hour later, complete with a bundle of purple flowers and a nervous smile. Virgil hadn’t been mad, of course, and he assumed the apology had only felt necessary because it was impossible for Virgil to hide the fact he’d been crying.

But they were fine now. That had been days ago, and Roman clearly wasn’t giving it a second thought.

But Virgil hadn’t stopped thinking about it, and the next day he’d come to Roman with a date idea, something similar to what Roman had suggested. Virgil had been tired and a little unfocused, but it had been worth it to see Roman positively beam at him.

And then Virgil hadn’t...stopped. He’d kept making plans around their pre-existing schedule for filming and time with the others, more and more piling up until Virgil couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a moment to himself.

It had almost been almost a week now, a week of taking Roman out every day and pushing down panic and exhaustion because Virgil was fine. This is what he wanted because it was what Roman wanted.

Every time a date ended the thoughts would come rushing back, panicked and insistent that Roman was still going to leave him no matter what he did. What if it hadn’t been enough? What if Roman had wanted more? What if Virgil had been too quiet- too boring?

They wouldn’t be silent until Virgil made another plan, took them out again, until Roman smiled with undeniable excitement and led them back into the bustling Imagination.

They had another dinner date tonight, in just a couple hours. Virgil found himself hunched over the breakfast bar in the kitchen, staring blankly at his half empty mug of coffee, and trying very hard not to think about how Logan was staring at him.

“Virgil,” Logan said carefully, and Virgil heard him approach from the kitchen doorway. “Are you...alright?”

“I’m fine,” Virgil said quickly, too quickly, because he wasn’t fine, it felt like he was going to break down if he had to do one more thing today. They’d already worked on filming, and Thomas had gone out with a friend that morning, and Virgil just wanted to sleep. “Why?”

He heard Logan move even closer, tensing when the logical side put a hand on his shoulder. “Because you’ve been incredibly active this last week, and that isn’t like you.”

Virgil grimaced and shook off his hand, probably more aggressively than was necessary. “I’m fine. Maybe I like being active.”

“You don’t,” Logan said, and it wasn’t a question. “And there is nothing wrong with that, Virgil. Some people are more introverted than others, and socializing drains them more quickly. Not to mention your anxiety makes you—”

“Yeah, I know,” Virgil snapped, pushing himself off the stool to dump his coffee in the sink. “I’m shit at doing things and I’m trying to fix that.”

“There is nothing to fix, Virgil. Pushing yourself like this will only hurt you. I don’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself.”

Virgil sighed, squeezing his eyes shut and grabbing at the edge of the counter to keep himself from having a breakdown on the kitchen floor. Logan didn’t deserve to deal with that.

“I’m taking my boyfriend out to dinner,” he said, hating how his voice shook. “And I took him out a few times this week because he deserves it. That’s all. I’m fine, Logan.”

Logan was silent a moment, Virgil still refusing to turn around. “If you told Roman this was hurting you, I’m sure he would—”

“Don’t tell Roman.” Virgil finally spun around, eyes wide and panicked, meeting Logan’s raised eyebrow.“Please, don’t tell Roman, Lo you can't.”

Logan shook his head, watching Virgil with a mix of something between sympathy and concern. “It is not my place to talk to Roman about this. But I do not recommend letting this continue.”

“I’m doing this to make him happy,” Virgil said, and it sounded small and pathetic to his own ears. “I’m...I have to, Lo. He deserves so much better.”

Logan sighed, short and quiet, and for a second Virgil thought he was going to be told off. Virgil was being ridiculous, and no amount of faking excitement and energy could get Roman to stay with someone like him.

But Logan just reached over to squeeze his hand, smiling gently. “Roman is happier than he has been in years since entering a relationship with you. Please try to remember that.”

And then he was gone, leaving Virgil to try and catch his breath in the middle of an empty kitchen until he found the strength to hurry upstairs to get ready for dinner.

--

Dinner was great, obviously. It was great because Roman was there, smiling, eyes twinkling as he talked about...something. For the life of him, Virgil couldn’t focus on the conversation anymore.

He was exhausted and the background chatter of the other people in the restaurant (because of course when Roman created something he had to make it as realistic as possible- what was the fun in a date at a fancy restaurant if it was completely empty and quiet?) was grating against his skull. It was too much and as wonderful as it was to see Roman so happy, Virgil just wanted it to be over.

He wanted to go home. He wanted to go back to Roman’s room and climb into bed and sleep against the Prince’s chest and forget about the world.

But he couldn’t, because this wasn’t enough. It still wasn’t enough, he had to do more because the second Virgil showed just how much he hated this Roman would stop smiling, and he’d realize just how awful Virgil was to be with. Roman was a Prince, he deserved so much better than Anxiety, and if Virgil didn’t change—

“Virgil?” Roman had stopped talking, and Virgil quickly snapped to attention when he realized Prince was staring at him, brow furrowed. “Are you alright?”

It took Virgil a moment to notice he’d started shaking, uncontrollable trembling that was impossible to hide when he took a sip of his water.

But he was fine. He was fine and he needed to get over himself before Roman picked up on anything.

“I’m good, Princey,” he said, cursing how weak his voice sounded. “Do you want to go out to breakfast tomorrow? I had some ideas.”

Roman stared for a second, and Virgil’s heart sank when his smile started to drop. “You’re shaking like a leaf, Virgil. Do you feel sick?”

“No.” Virgil squeezed his hands into fists, nails digging painfully into his palms. “I’m fine, I’m...I’m just cold. It’s cold in here. Do you want to do breakfast tomorrow?”

It was clearly a lie, Roman always kept the temperature perfect in his realm, and Virgil felt more like he was overheating than anything.

“Virge...” he reached forward, freezing when Virgil flinched back before he could stop himself. “Honey, you...do not look fine.”

“I am,” Virgil argued, even as tears began to gather in his eyes. “I’m fine, I swear. We’re having a fun time, I’m ok. You’re...you’re having fun, right? You like these dates?”

Roman didn’t respond for a moment, cautiously looking Virgil over before speaking carefully. “I...I do, but—”

“That’s good!” It came out a bit too desperate, and Virgil internally cringed. “That’s...that’s good. They’re for you.”

“But I’m an extrovert,” Roman said. “We know I enjoy being out and about like this. You’re...Virgil, it’s ok if you don’t want to.”

“No, I do. I do want to, I promise. We’re..we’re having fun. You’ve been having fun.”

“I have,” Roman said slowly. “But if it’s at the cost of your mental health we can have fun doing other things. You don’t have to push yourself.”

“Yes I do,” Virgil said before he could stop himself, wincing when his voice broke. “And I’m fine. Do you want to go out to breakfast tomorrow?”

Roman was silent for a long moment, too long, watching Virgil like he was worried the anxious side might break. Virgil thought he might, too.

“Actually,” the Prince started, voice soft. “I was thinking we could stay in tomorrow.”

Virgil hated how quickly his head shot up, hope clawing at his chest when he saw the sincerity in Roman’s eyes. “You were?”

“I was,” Roman said. “I may not be as good as Patton, but I could figure out how to cook us something edible. We could eat it in bed and watch movies, if you’d like.”

It was like a weight had just been lifted off of Virgil’s shoulders, letting him breathe for the first time all week as he wiped away tears still pooling in his eyes. “That...would be really nice. If- if that’s what you want to do. If you’re sure.”

Roman nodded, back to smiling gently, and Virgil couldn’t even try to hold back the pathetic sobs that broke free, leaving him hunched over and trembling in the middle of the restaurant.

He heard Roman’s chair scoot back and for a terrifying second he thought the Prince was leaving, finally giving up on the pathetic mess sitting across from him.

But then there was another chair being pulled up beside him, and Roman had gathered Virgil into his arms and against his chest, letting Virgil cry into his shirt as he held him close.

“I’m sorry,” Roman said, and Virgil didn’t understand why he was the one apologizing. “Gosh, I’m sorry Virgil. I’ve...I’ve been so selfish, haven’t I?”

“What?” Virgil pulled back, still clutching at Roman’s shirt. “You’re not being selfish, Ro. I’m...I’ve been trying to make you happy.”

“I was perfectly happy how we were,” Roman said softly. “I thought you were being more social and I didn't want to discourage you, but I completely missed the signs that you weren’t enjoying it.”

“I was enjoying it,” Virgil said, and it was only half a lie. “You were so happy. You were happy. It was worth it.”

“You’re breaking down,” Roman said, and Virgil flinched. “Nothing is worth this.”

“But—”

“I’m gonna talk to Logan about a day off,” Roman continued before Virgil could argue. “You’re going to sleep in, and I’m going to make you breakfast, and we’ll spend the day unwinding. Alright?”

It sounded amazing, like everything Virgil had been desperately wanting all week long, but...but it was the opposite of what he’d been trying to do. He’d ruined the night, and Roman...Roman didn’t look upset, but...

“Are...are you mad? It’s ok if you are, but I—”

“No baby,” Roman said, soft and gentle in a way that only shattered Virgil’s resolve further. “I’m not mad at all.”

Virgil wasn’t sure he entirely believed that, not when he’d so royally fucked everything up. “I’m...sorry. I’m so sorry, I was just trying to be better.”

He felt Roman freeze, tightening his hold for just a second before loosening again to look Virgil in the eyes. “Better?”

“Yeah,” Virgil agreed, not sure why it was a question. “I’m...look, Princey I know I’m a shitty boyfriend and I- I don’t know how long you’re going to put up with it so I’m...trying to change. I can do better. I promise I can do better next time.”

Roman was silent for a long moment, and Virgil expected him to sigh, begrudgingly admit that Virgil was right, he’d just been hoping his frustration wasn’t so obvious, and agree to try another date tomorrow when Virgil got over himself.

Instead Roman tightened his hold, eyes wide and...horrified? “What on earth are you talking about?”

Virgil frowned back at him, panic and uncertainty coiling in his gut because he hadn’t actually thought any of this needed to be explained.

“I know I hold you back,” Virgil said, continuing before Roman could protest. “You love going out and doing things and I know it’s...frustrating that I don’t. You don’t go on quests as much anymore and you're less active because I like to stay in, and I don’t take you out like I should, and I—”

“I don’t go out as much because I’m happy spending time with you,” Roman cut in. “I’d go out if I wanted to, darling. I like staying in with you. Yes, these dates have been wonderful, and I appreciate them. But I’d prefer to do something where both of us are comfortable.”

“But—” Virgil’s breath caught on another sob, and he tightened his hold on the Prince. “But you said I never...I- I thought you were getting bored with me.”

Roman looked confused, but it only lasted a second before realization took over. “Is this...is this because of the fight we had?”

Virgil shrugged, eyes on his lap. “It...wasn’t a fight. You were honest with me and I tried to fix what I was doing wrong.”

“Oh, baby.” Roman’s hands were suddenly cupping his face, tilting his chin up to meet Virgil’s gaze. “That wasn’t me being honest, Virgil. That was me being an asshole because I had a long day and I took it out on you. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t mean any of it.”

Virgil couldn’t see with the way the tears were blurring his vision, but the anxiety that had been relentlessly wrapped around his heart since Roman had lashed out was beginning to unravel.

“Oh,” he said, a little breathless. “I thought...I just wanted this to be perfect for you. I wanted to be good.”

“Neither one of us will ever be perfect.” Roman smiled, wiping away Virgil’s tears with his thumb. “But I love you. I love you so much, Virgil. You’re perfect to me.”

Virgil struggled to breathe around hiccuping sobs still coming from his chest, completely lost because this wasn’t...this was all wrong. “But you...you deserve the best.”

“And I have that. You being comfortable and safe is all I could ever want, Virgil. You’re my world.”

And well...great. Now Virgil was crying in earnest all over again, collapsing into Roman’s chest and letting it all out, melting into his embrace as he once again held him tight.

Roman shushed him gently, rocking them both where they sat, running gentle fingers through Virgil’s hair. “You deserve the best too, Virgil. Please don’t ever put yourself below me.”

“I do have the best,” Virgil said, muffled from where he’d buried his face in Roman’s chest. “If...if you stay.” He quickly pulled back, panic clawing at his throat. “Not- not that you have to stay. You don’t. I’m not...you’re not trapped or anything, I just—”

“I know, Virgil,” Roman said gently, and he relaxed again. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Ok,” Virgil sighed, breaths still shaky, head rested on Roman’s shoulder. “Sorry for ruining dinner.”

“You didn’t,” Roman assured, rubbing gentle circles along the anxious side’s back. “Would you like to go home?”

Virgil probably nodded a bit too fast, but Roman didn’t seem annoyed in the slightest. He just scooped Virgil up bridal style and carried him through the now silent restaurant. Virgil belatedly realized Roman had gotten rid of the rest of the customers.

“I love you,” Virgil whispered, wrapping his arms tight around Roman’s shoulder when the Prince kissed the top of his head. “I’m really sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Roman said, stern but gentle in a way that didn’t send Virgil’s anxiety skyrocketing. “I’m going to take care of you.”

Virgil nodded, too tired to form another response, closing his eyes and letting Roman take them back to his room. For the first time all week, Virgil found himself looking forward to what tomorrow held.

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #roman sanders #prinxiety #romantic prinxiety #logan sanders #fanfiction #writing

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Nobody Left Behind

Prompt: So I don't know if you're taking requests? But I just watched Lilo and Stitch for the first time since I got into TSS and I've adopted the headcanon that it is Remus's *favorite* movie (and he's memorized the script) and I love your writing and I'd love to see something angsty involving Remus feeling lonely/unloved by his brother, and maybe Lilo and Stitch is involved somehow. IDK, go wild. (and feel free to ignore this if you aren't taking requests) <3 - anon

it is Le Fluff™ hours my good bitches

Read on Ao3

Warnings: Remus has some abandonment issues, but it’s not too much

Pairings: it is platonic all the way down, babes

Word Count:  2935

Ohana means family.

 Family.

 FamILY.

 What a weird word.

Sometimes it’s the people you’re born with. Well, not ‘with,’ not necessarily, but the people you are born to. A mother, a father, a sister, a brother. Sometimes two mothers, sometimes two fathers, sometimes a different parent. Sometimes two sisters, sometimes two brothers, sometimes a different sibling. Sometimes a mess of assorted people that all share the same blood. A family.

 Remus wasn’t born.

 He was made though, crafted and shaped and born out of the swirling chaos of a child’s mind that didn’t understand the world well enough without other people to help. He remembers getting cobbled together from scraps of thoughts and feelings and morphing them into limbs, into features, into something that vaguely resembled the body of the child he was made to fit. Not the ‘fitting’ was ever his job.

 Just his brother’s.

 Is his brother his family?

 By all accounts he should be, right? A brother is one of those people that are traditionally part of the ‘family’ group, right, someone to laugh with, cry with, fight with, live with. But is Roman really his…brother?

 That’s what they decided to call themselves because nothing else worked. They weren’t really brothers, they were halves. But they weren’t really halves because there was never a whole to begin with.

 The King wasn’t a ‘whole,’ he was…well, he was the King. Half of a king is not a prince. Half of a king is not a duke.

 Half of a king is a mess of blood and bones and viscera dripping off of the end of a Morningstar in the middle of the night when only a destroyed facsimile makes the insanity bleed away just enough to breathe again.

 The closest thing to twins, is what they decided on eventually. They’re twins. One light, one dark. One that marches boldly into danger to confront the wickedness of the world, one that dwells in the shadows and cackles with the demons nipping at his heels. One that loves, one that isn’t loved.

 Sure, they had some things in common. They both loved to fight, hence the scars and the bruises and the wounds that would never, ever heal, the distrust that would never be fixed ever, because the urge to sink their teeth into each other’s necks and rip never went away. They both loved to make, Roman the peaceful lies he tells himself to make up for the gaping wounds Remus leaves as he carves his perfectly tailored destruction. They both love Disney.

 Roman’s made it part of his whole deal as the Prince, he loves Disney. He bursts into song every chance he gets, drags the others in until the Mindscape rings with joyful song and there’s nowhere left for any sadness or darkness. He takes his lessons from it, models himself using the traits of the characters he admires most. Cultivates his art of storytelling, perfect to a tee.

 Remus loves Disney too. Loves how easy it is to twist the lens to distort the image just enough to let the darker parts of the Imagination run wild. What is the real implication of never growing old, never understanding what it means to die? What kind of person curses a ten-year-old boy for being cautious about who he answers the door to? What could the story have been if the prince never comes to save the day?

 When they were smaller it was fine. When they were still getting used to the fact that they weren’t King anymore, they used to sit and watch so many Disney movies. Roman’s favorite was always changing, one week it was Beauty and the Beast, then it was Mulan, then it was Cinderella, it never stayed the same.

 Remus’s was always Lilo and Stitch.

 Roman never understood it, said it was boring, there wasn’t a prince, there wasn’t anything exciting. Remus said that aliens were plenty exciting, thank you very much.

 But they would always watch it. The King wasn’t there anymore, but the prince and the Duke were.

 …when they were smaller, there was one time where the prince wasn’t there at all.

 Remus remembers waking up one day and feeling like he was being Split all over again. The maggots in his bones reached their awful little mouths into his heart and pulled, yanking him all the way across the bed and to the door, howling and screaming for his twin.

 Only to be met with a blank wall.

 He remembers howling at the top of his lungs until Janus had rushed to his side, kneeling down next to him and telling him shh, be quiet, hush now, you’re alright, you’re not hurt. And when he couldn’t explain that he was hurt, half of him was missing, Remus needed to go find him, Janus’s mouth had hardened into a thin line and told him that there wasn’t anything to worry about.

 He remembers thinking that was a lie.

 But it wasn’t. It wasn’t a lie.

 Roman was fine.

 Roman was more than fine, because Roman had a family.

 Roman had Patton, who is the actual manifestation of sunshine and rainbows and loved so much it almost burns. The darkness that wrapped around Remus’s corner of the Imagination screeched and hissed at the very idea of being loved that much, even as part of him strained with all its might to get to it. But Patton would never set foot near this side of the Mindscape.

 Roman had Logan, who represents everything true about the Mindscape, about Thomas, about the world. The reality of things that would never let anything Remus created make it anywhere close to anything important because it was dangerous, it was hurtful, and it was wrong. Logan wouldn’t want anything to do with something so useless.

 And that was okay. Because Roman may have been gone but Remus wasn’t alone. Remus had Virgil, who lived with fear soaking every fiber of his being. Remus had Janus, who wrapped himself in darkness and obscurity and laughed.

 But then Virgil left. And now Roman had Virgil, who used Thomas’s anxieties to keep him safe, to help Roman and the others figure out what to do, how to take care of everybody, and how to make the darkness go away. And Virgil would never willingly sink himself back into the darkness when he’d spent so long clawing himself out of it.

 But that was okay, because Remus had Janus. Janus, who plotted and schemed and smirked at how easily the others were pulled along by his strings, luring them deeper and deeper as Remus readied his Morningstar for the trap to be sprung.

 But then they sprung the trap and everything went wrong.

 Roman didn’t want to fight. He just…he let Remus knock him out and didn’t show up again except to scoff and say he didn’t like him.

 And that was…wrong.

 Because Roman wasn’t supposed to like him but he was never only supposed to not like him. Roman was supposed to declare that he wasn’t welcome and try and slash him with his sword. Roman was supposed to try and banish him from the Mindscape and spit insults at him until he left, cackling all the while. Roman was supposed to hate him.

 But Roman didn’t hate him, he just…he just said he didn’t like him.

 But that was okay, because Janus could just come up with a better plan with him this time. They could do it properly, and Roman would hate him again and it would be back to normal.

 But then Janus left. And now Roman has Janus, who keeps his eyes where the prince’s aren’t, when he can’t see what’s happening or he can’t bear to look, to help Roman figure out what to do when what seems to be happening isn’t anything that the prince is used to dealing with. And Janus would never willingly step away from a place that finally accepted him.

 Roman has them now. Roman has people that chose him. Roman’s family chose him. He chose them. They chose each other.

 Remus’s grip on his Morningstar slackens and the thing falls to the ground with a heavy clunk. He moves numbly through his room until he can fall to his knees on his bed.

 He just came from the living room. They were all there. Roman was talking with Logan, ranting about some new show they were both watching. Janus was in the kitchen with Patton, making something for dinner that everyone—well, almost everyone—could eat. Virgil was on the back of the couch, reaching out for Roman’s shoulder every once in a while.

Remus had waited behind the couch. For someone to sit down, for someone to see him and shriek, or even maybe—just maybe—for someone to ask where he was.

 But no.

 Patton had come over and gently ruffled Virgil’s hair, saying that dinner was ready. Logan and Roman had moved into the kitchen, demanding Janus’s attention and pulling him into their conversation. Virgil had murmured a quiet thank you and Roman had asked him for what?

 “Y’know,” Virgil had said, “for…this.”

 “Of course,” Roman had laughed, the soft rustle of fabric as he probably pulled the emo in for a hug—what did those feel like?— “I should be thanking you?”

 “What for, kiddo?”

 “I dunno, it just…feels like it’s been forever since we’ve all sat down for dinner together.”

 Remus’s chest had started to hurt.

 “The whole family.”

 The whole family.

 Remus’s eyes well up with stubborn tears and he angrily swipes them away, baring his teeth at the memory and focusing intently on the things on the bed. Each hand-stitched, each carefully kept clean.

 His family.

 He reaches out with a shaking hand and tucks the blue frog plushie into the crook of his arm, crawling into the middle of the bed and balancing the purple spider on his shoulder. His hands keep shaking as he wraps the long yellow snake securely around his neck, clutching the head under his chin and nuzzling it protectively. The dark blue cat he holds in his other hand, careful not to tear its tie as he scrunches in on himself.

 Wait.

 Wait.

 Where is it?

 No, no, no, no—

 Remus growls, placing all of his family gently on the floor before all but tearing at his sheets. Where is it, where is it, where is it—his heartbeat starts to rise as his search grows more frantic, where is it, where is it—

 The slightest little puff of red hair and he howls, lunging for it and sweeping it into his lap. He pauses to make sure the lion’s crown didn’t fall off and sighs when he sees it still in place. He sets the lion between his legs and leans over, adjusting everyone back into place and scrunching himself into a ball again. He rubs his nose against the lion’s fur and nuzzles into the soft fabric.

 He’d never be able to forgive himself if he lost them.

 Because Ohana means family.

 Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

——————————————————

There’s a knock on his door.

 Why is someone knocking on his door?

 They knock again.

 Remus looks up, carefully butting the spider out of the way with his head and sitting up. The snake hangs off his shoulder and he lets it, only missing its warmth once the knock sounds again.

 The frog and the cat watch him warily as he climbs out of bed, the lion clutched in his hand.

 The door squeaks slightly as he opens it.

 “So, I’ve got popcorn, I found the weird gummy snakes, and they had this chocolate-covered bacon which we have to try—Remus?”

 Roman?

 Roman stands there, his arms full of snacks and blankets, his head tilted. He glances behind Remus—probably to check something or other—and then back at him.

 “Remus? Are you okay?”

 “Why are you here?” Roman doesn’t like him.

 “It’s movie night, Re, of course, I’m here.” Roman chuckles nervously before taking in his tear-stained face. “Hey, Re, what’s going on? Are you okay? Can I come in?”

 Why is Roman here? Roman has his family, what is he doing here? With Remus?

 “Remus—“ oh, right, Roman’s talking to him—why is Roman talking to him?—in a soft voice now— “Remus, hey, look at me.”

 Remus blinks. Oh. Roman looks concerned now, he’s reaching for him.

 “Hey,” he murmurs as he ruffles Remus’s hair, “what’s going on? Have you been crying?”

 Remus nods dumbly.

 “I’m sorry, Re, can I help?”

 Help? Why does Roman want to help?

 Oh, he’s waiting for an answer.

 “…sure.”

 “Thank you,” Roman says softly, “can I come in?”

 Remus steps aside wordlessly and Roman walks in, pausing when he sees the rest of Remus’s family on the bed.

 “Did you make them?”

 Something dark twists in Remus’s chest as he sees Roman reach for the spider.

 “Don’t.”

Roman backs off, stepping back as Remus snatches up his family and cradles them in his lap, glaring at Roman and curling up on the bed.

 “I won’t, Re, I’m sorry,” Roman says, still speaking softly, “can I sit?”

 “…floor.”

 Roman sits on the floor, setting aside the blankets and snacks, looking up at him. He still looks concerned. Why? Roman doesn’t like him.

 “Why weren’t you at dinner,” he asks gently, “I was worried.”

 Worried? About him? Remus snorts.

 “You had your whole family there,” he spits, “why would you worry?”

 “But you weren’t there,” Roman says like that makes any difference, “so I was worried.”

 Remus shakes his head. Roman doesn’t get it. Roman doesn’t worry about him, he worries about other things. But if Roman wants to know why he wasn’t at dinner, he’ll tell him.

 “I was with my family.”

 Roman’s brow furrows as he glances around again. “…your family?”

 Remus huddles protectively around his family. “Yes. My family.”

 Roman’s eyes widen as he takes in Remus’s posture and how he reacted when Roman asked about them earlier.

 “…are they your family, Remus?”

 “Yes.” He holds them tighter. “I chose them. They won’t leave me. They won’t forget me. That’s what family means.”

 Something crosses Roman’s face and he lets out a wounded noise. Wait. Are they fighting?

 “Wait, Remus,” he murmurs, rising up to his knees, “did you—did you think we forgot you?”

 “You did forget me.”

 “I’m sorry, Remus, I would’ve come to look for you, but I thought—“ Roman shakes his head— “no, it doesn’t matter what I thought. I should’ve come got you, Re, I’m sorry, I—I didn’t mean to leave you behind.”

 Oh.

 “…you didn’t?”

 Roman shakes his head furiously. “No, Remus, I promise. I never meant to leave you.”

 “But everybody leaves me.”

 If possible, Roman’s eyes are now wider and he scrambles for the edge of the bed. “What do you mean, Remus, what do you mean everybody leaves you?”

 “You left. Virgil left. Janus left. Everybody left.” The lion’s mane brushes against his lips as he bows his head. “But not them. They won’t leave me.”

 “Oh, Remus—“

 Something big lunges at him and Remus whimpers, he doesn’t have his Morningstar, he doesn’t want to fight, he doesn’t—he doesn’t—

 What’s happening? He feels warm and he’s being squished and Roman is pressing himself against him and what—what—

 “What’re you doing?”

 “It’s a hug, Remus,” comes Roman’s voice, slightly muffled, from over his shoulder, “I’m hugging you.”

 Oh.

 Oh.

 “R-Ro?”

 “Yeah, Re, I’m here, I’m right here, I won’t forget you, I won’t leave you behind, you’re my brother, you’re my family, I choose you.” Roman’s grip tightens on him and Remus just about gasps. “I choose you and I want you and I like you.”

 Roman…Roman likes him?

 Roman chooses him?

 Roman won’t…leave?

 “No, Remus,” Roman promises as he cautiously asks, “I won’t leave. Not unless you want me to.”

 “No.”

 “Then I’m not going anywhere.”

 That’s it.

 Remus throws his arms around his twin and sobs, cries an entire ocean of tears into his brother’s shoulder because he’s here and he cares and he chose Remus. The darkness shudders as that small part of him surges forward, into Roman’s chest, finding a home in the prince’s heart and languishing in the warmth there.

 “I’m right here, Re,” Roman murmurs, stroking up and down his back, “right here, I’ve got you.”

 The snake drapes itself cautiously over Roman’s shoulder, the spider taking up watch on his knee. The cat and the frog stare at him, making sure he isn’t lying, that he won’t change his mind. The lion, sandwiched between them, feels the reassuring rumble from Roman’s chest and purrs.

 After a long, long time, Remus pulls back a little and scuffs a hand over his nose.

 “…did you say something about chocolate-covered bacon?”

 Roman’s smile lights up.

 “Let’s put on Lilo and Stitch and we’ll try it.”

 Ohana means family.

 Family means no one gets left behind.

 Or forgotten.

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#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #fic #remus sanders #roman sanders #they're the main focus #creativitwins

[kieraelieson]

In which Virgil has taken lessons on how to demand affection: Part Six, Janus.

Virgil Roman Patton Remus Logan

Janus had been swamped in work. With all the affection flying around, the inner workings of Thomas’s mind were shifting. Which meant a lot of hidden things uncovered and some open things hidden, and some things he’d had to hide and then reveal multiple times now. He was exhausted.

It was that, above all the other reasons, that made him first consider demanding affection himself. He was relatively certain he could finagle and guilt his way into being spoiled for a day.

It just… would open doors if he did.

With Virgil and then Roman, it was just a kiss. Then he’d seen how Patton had been acting, and opened himself up a bit more. Then Remus managed to sneak upstairs. And with Logan he’d spent a whole, admittedly pleasant, hour. But for him to ask them for affection, even weaseling it out of them, it would break the separation between the ‘dark’ and ‘light’ side completely. He could tell already, the door at the top of the stairs would vanish, make the mindscape more cohesive.

In his opinion, it would be good for Thomas. But his opinion wasn’t necessarily the one that mattered. What mattered most was Thomas’s opinion. They all had gone rearranging his mind with this affection business, and Thomas could be either loving or hating it.

If he decided he wanted it, he would have to talk to Thomas first to be sure it would be ok.

— — —

Janus appeared in the kitchen while Thomas was making himself some breakfast.

“Oh! Janus. Are you here for the affection thing too?”

Janus waved at him to continue his cooking. “In a way. I wanted to talk with you about the effects of the requests for affection.”

Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Ok?”

“You know we’ve been asking affection from each other and from you as well. I’m sure you’ve noticed that as a result you’ve become a lot more… comfortable, with the aspects of yourself you previously considered to be dark.”

Thomas frowned in thought. “Yeah… I guess I have… I’m, not sure that that’s a bad thing though, or maybe it is, cause you’re coming to talk to me about it—“

Thomas was about to spiral into anxiety, so Janus held up a hand to stop him. “It’s not bad unless you think it is. If you’re content with it as it is, it could be a good thing. If you’re upset by it, it could be a bad thing.”

Thomas, still frowning, nodded. “What if I just want to see where it goes?”

Janus leaned against the counter. He gave Thomas a slow smirk. “I can’t tell you everything.”

Thomas huffed a short laugh. He set his bowl aside and held out his arms. “But you’ll be around while I figure things out.”

Something about those words slammed into Janus in such a strangely soft way. Despite bringing up problems and not offering a solution, he was accepted, wanted, counted on. Thomas was offering him a hug.

He stepped forward tentatively, and Thomas met him halfway, holding him safe and secure.

— — —

Janus flopped onto the foot of Virgil’s bed. “You owe me. You and your affection, making so much work, now you have to be nice to me.”

He almost hadn’t expected it to work. He thought Virgil might shove him off, yell at him to leave, perhaps he’d even be scared by Janus’s sudden appearance.

But instead Virgil snorted. “You could ask like a normal person, you know.” He flipped a corner of his blanket over Janus.

Janus made his way up to the head of the bed, stealing one of Virgil’s pillows.

Virgil took his hat in retribution, setting it on his own head. Janus hissed half-heartedly, and Virgil hissed right back.

Virgil ended up letting Janus nap there, and even scritched gently at his scalp while he dozed.

— — —

Roman looked shocked to see Janus lounging on the couch.

Janus slowly waved, smirking.

“What are you doing up here?” Roman asked, clearly suspicious.

Janus rolled his eyes in a way he knew was infuriating. “What were you doing downstairs?”

Roman blinked. “Oh. Ok then.”

It was Janus’s turn to be shocked. Roman stood down just from that?? Virgil he could understand, their history had both good and bad to pull from, but Roman?

“You want, like, a hug?” Roman asked, holding his arms out.

Janus just stared at him, unconsciously pulling his legs in closer.

Roman raised his hands. “Hey, it’s ok if you don’t, I just figured, if you were here for affection, I might as well offer.”

Janus was still processing that Roman was not only no longer suspicious, but also offering affection without the slightest bit of coercion.

“Perhaps… you’d prefer a kiss, like you gave to me?”

Janus really wanted for time to pause until he could make sense of everything. But it didn’t, the relentless thing, so he just nodded silently to Roman, not yet capable of forming an answer.

Roman came close, swooping off Janus’s hat with a flourish, and gently kissed his forehead.

Janus’s mind fuzzed over.

— — —

He still hadn’t figured it out when Patton came in the room later. He was just staring at his hat in his lap.

“Hey there, Jan, Roman said you were around,” Patton said cheerfully.

“You all really are open to us being here,” Janus murmured.

Patton’s face went from cheerful to serious, and he sat down next to Janus. “Yes, we are. I know there’s been an awful lot of division between us all, and I’m sure we’ll still hurt each other’s feelings sometimes, but I’m actually hopeful that we can all get along together now. I’d like that a lot.”

The door to the stairs, replacing the door to the closet in this facsimile of Thomas’s living room, vanished.

Janus stared at the doorframe. Gone. Passage between the ‘dark’ and ‘light’ side now completely open.

There were feelings crowding in at his chest, and he couldn’t parse them.

“Can I give you a hug?” Patton asked.

Janus silently nodded, reaching out and letting Patton hold him.

— — —

Janus knocked at Logan’s door.

“Come in,” Logan said from inside.

Janus went inside, carefully shutting the door behind himself.

“Oh, Janus. Interesting to see you here.”

“Can I stay a while?” Janus asked. “I have… a lot to think about.”

Logan’s forehead creased in worry, but he nodded. “Would you be open to talking about it?”

Janus sat on the edge of the bed, one hand idly scratching at his scales. “The door between the dark and light side disappeared.”

Logan nodded slowly and seriously. “Do you consider that to be a good or bad thing?”

Janus was suddenly reminded of his conversation with Thomas. “I don’t know. But it scares me not to know.”

“I can relate to that fear.”

Janus looked up at Logan, hoping for an answer.

“There are many things I don’t know that scare me. But I have you all to face them with me. If something does turn out to be harmful, I know I have people on my side that will help me.”

“But you’ll be around while I figure things out.”

Janus nodded, his eyes starting to well with tears for no reason.

Logan pulled a blanket out of a basket and tucked it around Janus’s shoulders. “If the change become overwhelming to you, my room is open.”

“Thank you,” Janus said, his voice shaky.

— — —

“Remus, would you stay with me tonight? If you don’t mind, I would appreciate some company.”

Remus, who’d been about to leave and go to bed, stopped immediately. “No problem, Janny, I’d love to stay.”

Remus wiggled his way under the covers, latching onto Janus and holding him in a close cuddle. “Are you doing alright?”

Janus nodded, hugging Remus back. “A lot has changed. I feel like I’ve lost my footing, and instead of falling I was caught by five pairs of hands. But now I have to trust them not to drop me.”

Remus nuzzled into Janus’s hair. “We won’t let you fall, Janus.”

Janus gripped tight. “Thank you.”

Remus chuckled. “Virgie sure did a big thing, didn’t he?”

“Much larger than I think anyone would’ve guessed,” Janus agreed.

“I think it’ll be a good thing though,” Remus said. “I mean, I’ve gotten loads of hugs and cuddles out of it already.”

Janus smiled, relaxing into Remus’s hold. “I’m glad for you. Do you know your brother tried to copy my forehead kiss?”

Remus laughed. “Bet he’s not half as good at it.”

Janus huffed a small laugh. “There’s not much to be ‘good’ at.”

“Of course there is! And you’re the best.” Remus asserted.

Janus rolled his eyes fondly.

Maybe this would turn out to be good.

#my own work #sanders sides #patton sanders #Janus sanders #Roman sanders #Logan sanders #Virgil sanders #Remus sanders

[awanderingdeal]

I vote leo meeting the harvard team! 💕

So this fic has been a bit of a mare to write, but we are here!

You can read the first part of this here

Rating: T

CW: Alcohol, academic superiority complex and coming out.

Logan, Finn, Leo, Percy, Will and the general Sweater Weather universe belongs to @lumosinlove. The other team members were made up by me for this fic.

“Okay, tell me their names again,” Leo said, tugging at the rolled neck of his sweater as he shut the car door.

“Nutty,” Finn laughed. “There’s not going to be a pop quiz. We’ll introduce you when we meet people.”

Leo scowled, letting Logan thread their fingers together. It was weird being able to do this in public still and Leo couldn’t help but glance around. “I just don’t want to make a fool of myself.” Logan squeezed his hand reassuringly, meeting Leo’s gaze with a soft smile.

“Nobody expects you to know anything. And everybody’s great.” Logan wrinkled his nose like he’d just smelt something bad. “Except Wesley, he’s an ass, but I’ll point him out.”

Like many of the others in Harvard square, the building was all exposed brick and white accents, blending in seamlessly with those around it. Inside was different, more modern. Leo didn’t get to see much of the first floor, the one dedicated to the restaurant Finn, Logan and the rest of the team had dined at previous evening, before he was ushered up a grand staircase, but he’d seen the photographs. The cherry blossom ceilings and walls of glass provided the perfect backdrop for the instagram feeds of the hoards of celebrities and influencers that flocked there. Hence his surprise when, after checking their invitations again, an employee pushed open a set of double doors to reveal a room that more resembled a 1920’s speakeasy than anything 21st century. A loud cheer went up as they crossed the threshold.

“Is this a team thing?” Leo mouthed at Logan.

He got his answer from Percy Marshall. Leo had met him a few times before when they’d played the Rangers. “You’re the last to arrive,” Percy chuckled. “I’d say I was surprised, but that would be a lie.” He slapped a hand playfully against Finn’s bicep. Is this outfit change number 52, Finn? Don’t worry, you didn’t disappoint. You look wonderful.”

“Fuck you, Marshy,” Finn laughed. “Tremz was on a call to his sisters actually.”

“Oh, I do apologise,” Percy clasped his hand to his chest. “We wouldn’t dare break up a Tremblay soiree.”

“You’re an ass,” Logan scoffed, plucking at Finn’s slacks. “I was only talking to them because Finn was taking so long. Did you know there are several shades of mustard and only one of them goes with this shirt?”

“Oh look, they argue like an old married couple too,” William Morgan, another of those Leo knew, and Percy’s teammate on the Rangers, teased. “Marshy, these hands are looking too empty. Get these men a drink.”

“Aye, aye, capt’n.” Leo set to follow as Percy led the way to the bar, stumbling slightly as he found Will’s firm grasp on his shoulder stopping his movement. Logan turned as his fingers slipped from his hand.

“Go ahead, Tremzy. I’m going to introduce Leo to some of the team. We want all the gossip without you two around to censor him.”

Logan frowned. “I’m not sure -”

“Relax, Logan. This isn’t a hazing. We’ll be right over there,” Will pointed towards a group perched on stools around two of the tables in the centre of the room, a mix of the old team and what Leo assumed were their partners. “Knut’s a big boy. He can object for himself if he really doesn’t want to come.”

“I’m sure I can hold my own,” Leo cocked his head slightly and smiled. “You better not leave Harzy with Percy for too long. They’ll be three shots down by now.”

The next few hours passed in a whirlwind of introductions. Leo had lost count of the number of hands he'd shaken and the new names he'd learned. It reminded him of those first few days in Gryffindor, being shuffled around from place to place and everybody telling him he'd get used to it.

The quiet of the bathroom was a welcome reprieve to the chaos. “Sweetheart,” Leo laughed, listening to Finn sing to himself in the stall. “Are you okay? You’ve been in there a while.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” A concerningly loud crash preceded the door being pushed open. “I’m here.”

“You’re drunk,” Leo chuckled.

Finn pulled his hands from under the stream of water, shaking droplets everywhere as he squeezed the tips of his thumb and forefinger together. “Maybe just the tiniest bit.”

Leo shook his head fondly. “Let’s go and find Lo.” Glancing back to check Finn was following him proved to be a mistake. “Shit, I’m sorry,” he apologised, rubbing at his forehead and stepping back from the wall of muscle he’d just crashed into. Of course, the tall man with his hair pulled back into a loose ponytail was the one person Leo hadn’t yet met.

“Leo, this is James. Call him Hunter,” Finn grinned with his hand resting in the small of Leo’s back. "Hunter, this is -"

"Leo Knut. I know. Everybody knows," Hunter said and Leo noted the familiar notes of his own accent in the words. He faltered with his hand thrust halfway in Leo's direction, letting it fall back by his side. "Oh fuck, sorry man. Did you want to introduce him as your boyfriend? Go ahead."

"It's cool, no worries." Finn shrugged, the rounds of his cheeks tinged with the slightest of blushes. "Aww, what the heck!" He squared his shoulders, standing a little taller, the corners of his mouth splitting with pride. "Hunter, this is Leo, my boyfriend."

Hunter extended his hand again for Leo to shake. “Nice to meet you. Please excuse me, I have to use the bathroom now, but we’ll talk later.”

***

"Boys." The call had come from behind them and Logan groaned low in his chest as they turned to acknowledge it.

"Wes! You made it," Finn smiled, the corners of his mouth tight. "We weren't sure you'd be able to. With all those big meetings you have to attend and such. Is your wife, Renee, wasn’t it, here? I'd love to meet her."

Something flickered in Wes' smug expression. "They stayed in California. Nate has a very busy schedule. Harvard is very important to me, as you know, so I came alone."

“Isn’t Nate three?” Logan blinked.

“You have to give them a good start if you want them to get them to get into a good college these days, I’m sure you understand. Where was it you went, Leo?"

Leo pursed his lips, letting the same calm wash over him that he channelled for interviews. “I didn’t go. I got drafted straight out of high school.”

“Oh, well, that’s a shame,” Wes said. “College isn’t for everybody though, is it?”

Logan bristled beside him, and Leo placed a placating hand on his shoulder. “Indeed,” he blinked. “I didn’t need my intelligence validated by a degree then, and I still don’t now. And I was hardly about to turn down an offer from The Gryffindor Lions now, was I?”

Wes grumbled something that sounded vaguely like an agreement before turning on his heel and walking off in a manner that Leo could only describe as petulant.

“You’re so hot,” Finn took Leo’s face between his hands and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I’m going to get a drink. Do you want another?”

“Please,” Leo nodded. Logan raised his still mostly full glass as a rejection of the offer.

“You should have let me punch him,” Logan huffed. “He would have deserved it.”

"And get blood on your shirt? Let’s leave that on the ice, shall we?” Leo tugged at the lapels of Logan’s jacket.

***

"So," Logan started as they claimed one of the low tables in the corner, a little tucked away from the rest of the room. "What do you think?"

"It's always nice seeing where you two started," Leo hummed, threading his fingers through the thin curls on the nape of Logan's neck. "I just don't know how you used to do this everyday. Live amongst all this energy. The guys all seem great, but it's a lot even now and I'm assuming you've all mellowed somewhat with age."

"I am not old," Logan scoffed. "Mais non, I agree. Wasn't always like this though. There's more than one graduating class here and we've been apart a long time. A lot of excitement."

"Sorry, sorry, I got caught up with Biscuit. He has triplets now, isn't that crazy?" Finn said, pressing a glass into Logan’s hand and setting Leo’s in front of him before flopping onto the couch opposite. "One Margarita for the fine sir."

"Thanks, Harzy," Leo laughed lightly.

"I can't believe him and Vanessa are still together," Logan hummed, taking a long sip of his drink. He leaned back, crossing his left leg over his right thigh and snaked his arm across the dark leather, brushing his fingers against Leo's shoulder. "I only introduced them because she was flirting with you at that party, the one just after we got back from winter break my junior year, and I wanted to distract her."

"Oh, so that's why you got all moody," Finn said. "She wasn't flirting, she needed help with an essay, idiot."

"The fact you remember Logan's mood on a night seven years ago says more about you than him," Leo snorted.

"First of all, Tremzy being grumpy? That's just a good guess. Second, some of us were still stupid at 20, Knutty." Finn sighed wistfully. "Hey, at least it doesn't feel like I'm being stabbed in the chest these days when I think about it. Progress, right?"

Logan tipped his glass in Finn's direction, nodding his head briefly. "I'll cheers to that."

"To -" Leo started, letting the toast die off as another of Finn and Logan's old team mates approached. He hoped the disappointment he felt wasn't written across his face; whilst he hadn't really expected to be left alone for too long, he had hoped for the brief respite to have lasted longer.

"Hey." The newcomer had his hand shoved into his pockets and his shoulders stooped, almost as if he was trying to hide himself. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Ken!" Finn patted the empty seat next to him. "Of course not. Come, sit."

Leo extended his arm, offering his hand. "Nice to meet you. Ken was it? I'm Leo."

"Ken's what the team always called me. Don't really hear it much these days." Leo thought he saw something sad in the smile sent his way. "My real name is Obi."

"That's because you went off the radar," Logan gave a pointed look.

"About that -" Obi swiped Finn's drink, ignoring his disgruntled protest. He drained what was left of it, pulling at an non-existent loose thread on his sweater. "I wanted to say thank you, you know. For having the guts to come out. I know Black and Lupin were first, but that was forced wasn’t it. You made a choice. I know that must have been hard. It was one hell of a ballsy move."

Leo looked between Finn and Logan, expecting them to answer, but neither of them spoke. "We didn't have much of a choice, not if we didn't want to be watching our back every second of every day."

"It was still brave," Obi muttered. "I couldn't have done it."

"Ken, what are you saying?" Logan never did have much patience for others taking their time to get to the point, even though he was a fan of the scenic route himself.

"They gave you a whole Harvard degree and you need to ask that question?" Obi huffed a laugh. "I'm gay. I met Marco, my now husband at the end of senior year, and freaked out. I didn't know how to make these two worlds work, so I didn't. I moved to DC with him, and started a new life. I'm an accountant, he works in marketing. We have four rats, and a Vizsla called Poppy. It's all very domestic. I love it, but I was a coward.”

"You're not a coward. You don't owe that information to anybody, Ken. Not the others, not the media, not the NHL and not us. Not now, not then, not ever.” Finn took a breath, holding up his finger to signal he wasn’t finished. “Besides, it's not as if Lo and I planned this. We went into this with every intention of stuffing this deep, deep into the depths of denial, never for anybody to find out. Including ourselves. And then Nutty came along.”

Obi smiled at Leo, turning his attention back to Finn. "When did you become Gay Yoda?"

"I spend way too much time in our psych's office. Just spreading the wisdom. Heather would be proud."

"Do the others know?" Logan asked.

"Not yet, I think I'd like them to though."

Logan shifted, leaning forward in his seat. "There's no rush, Ken. We've got your back, whatever you decide."

"So, do you have photos?" Leo cocked his head. "We got to show off. Now it's your turn. Even if it's only for us."

"Of Marco?"

"I'm sure he's wonderful, but I was actually talking about Poppy. And the rats," Leo teased.

There were moments when Leo wondered whether they had made the right decision. When he was playing in front of hostile crowds, or fending off stupid media questions, or blocking bigots on twitter. And then there were moments when he knew the decision they had made was 100% perfect. Right now, that was one of those moments.

#leo knut #finn o'hara #logan tremblay #rating:t #cw:alcohol #cw: academic superiority complex #cw: coming out #sweater weather #lumosinlove