#so the fact that all his scenes are with ari is so rough for me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shellbilee · 5 years

Text

Three Days

An Ari Levinson One Shot

Pairing: Ari Levinson x Reader

Summary: Anon Request - “Can you do a Ari Levinson smut where the scene when he's naked she accidentally walks in and he teases her but nothing happens and for the rest of the day they have sexual tension. The reader is then sorting something out at the desk and he just comes over and fucks her rough, please and thank you”

Length: 7K

Warnings: Smut, Swearing

A/N: It’s finally here, though admittedly a week late. Apologies to everyone that was waiting, I had an absolutely awful week and just went MIA from tumblr. To all of my readers I love you all and thank you for your patience. I hope you enjoy this smutty one shot!

I made it as a part 2 to my first Ari smut. Part One can be found here - After All This Time (One Shot)

Comment & Reblog please!

B xx

Three days. That's how long it had been since you and Ari had slept together the night of the first successful mission. Three days since he'd captured your lips in a heated kiss, three days since you'd felt his skin pressed against yours, three days since you'd lost yourself in the feeling of him.

You'd fallen asleep beside each other after your hot and sweaty session in the sheets, waking up a few hours later to find yourself wrapped in Ari's arms. You didn't know what to think, your mind still trying to process everything that had happened between you. His wet lips against your skin, his rough grip on your hips, the way you'd felt yourself stretch around him when he'd pushed into you with a groan. God yes. He'd been everything you'd ever imagined and more, the thought of it once again making your muscles clench deliciously. Your night together had only cemented the fact that you were both incredibly attracted to one another after all this time, though now that it was over, you weren't sure where to go from here. Not wanting to complicate things and definitely not wanting the team - or your brother Sam for that matter, to see you with Ari, you'd carefully unwrapped yourself from Ari and found your clothes without making a noise, tip toeing out of the room and leaving him alone in your bed.

When Ari had woken later that morning, groggy though refreshed with his muscles pleasantly aching, he'd been disappointed to find you nowhere in sight. He'd later found you at the front desk talking with Sam, the guests behind you talking and eating their way through breakfast. His eyes had traveled up your body, drinking in your soft curves underneath the white linen dress you were wearing - the curves that he'd seen in the flesh and kissed every single inch of only a few hours ago. Sam had greeted him when he'd seen Ari approach from behind, you turning to face him and ever so subtly biting your lip when your eyes had met his. The sight of your plump lip caught between your teeth was enough to make Ari stir all over again, knowing that if you'd been alone at that exact moment he would have taken you against the wall right then and there.

Unfortunately though, Ari was unable to fulfill his thoughts as the rest of the day and the two days following proceeded much in the same way. Problems with the hotel guests and Ari's visits to the refugee camp meant that there'd been no time for the two of you to be alone - to discuss what had happened between you nor to have a repeat performance of the other night. It had however, meant that the two of you were frequently catching one another's long, lingering glances when you'd seen each other around the hotel, eyes travelling up and down each others bodies as you drank in one another from afar. You'd watched him return from his scuba session with Jake one morning, his wet suit zipped open to his waist as he'd waded through the water and met your eye from the shore. Heat had pooled in your belly, thick and unrelenting when you'd watched him peel off the rubber suit, your eyes taking in the muscled torso that just a few nights ago you'd had your hands all over and had held onto for dear life as he'd buried himself in you and fucked you into the sheets.

Ari on the other hand had been fixing the trucks with Jake and Max when he'd stopped for a drink, desperate for any kind of relief from the oppressive afternoon heat. Walking around to the hotel bar, he'd stopped dead in his tracks when he'd looked over and seen you walking out of the water and looking exactly like something out of a James Bond film. He'd practically drooled, his mind working in slow motion as he'd watched you rise out of the water, your skin - now tinged golden brown from the African sun, glistening with water as you reached up to slick back your long wet hair. His eyes had followed the sway of your hips as you'd walked through the water towards the shore, taking in your sumptuous curves in the tiny mango yellow bikini that seemed to make reoccurring appearances in his dreams every time his head hit the pillow.

Last night you'd been unable to cope with your pent up frustrations any longer, finally giving in to your inner urges and slipping your fingers underneath your panties with nothing but Ari on your mind. Ari had done the same when he'd finally returned home from his latest visit to Kabede, unable to think of anything but your glorious body above his as he desperately pumped his rock hard erection in his hands. Unbeknownst to either of you, the teasing was driving you both mad. Taunting thoughts of another naked, sweaty night among the sheets seemed to constantly play through both of your minds - you desperate to feel him bury himself inside you again and again while he fucked you senseless, and him struggling to think of anything but bending you over and watching your perfect ass bounce as he fucked you from behind. Though you didn't know where you stood with Ari - unsure if there was truly something between you or whether it really was just sex, you did know that the next time you found him alone you'd struggle to stop yourself from climbing him like a tree.

---

"Where's Ari?" you asked Max, gritting your teeth as you heard the German tourist mumbling what sounded like incoherent nonsense behind you. There was apparently a problem with his room and despite your best efforts to reason with him, the chauvinistic idiot wanted to speak to a 'manager' - in other words, a male instead of you. Not bothering to waste your time with Max and knowing that Jake and Sam were out on a dive, your best and last option was Ari. You sucked in a heavy breath of ocean air as you made your way to Ari's room, trying your hardest to calm yourself and to let go of your anger at the idiot customer. The way he'd sneered at you had made you ball your fists, wanting nothing more than to reach over the desk and throw a punch in his sweaty face. Knowing that had the potential to ruin the entire operation though, you'd swallowed your pride and put on a smile, letting him know that you'd be back in a moment with the manager.

You reached up to run your fingers through your messy waves, exhaling loudly and knocking on Ari's hotel room door. You frowned when you heard no response moments later, deciding to invite yourself in to see if he was even in his room. "Ari?" you called out as you opened the door and stepped inside, looking inside the dimly lit room until your eyes landed on the bed. "Y/N?". Ari blinked as he looked back at you standing at the foot of his bed, certain he was still dreaming as he took in the sight of you. Wearing a thin pale orange summer dress that did nothing to hide your bikini clad body underneath and your hair tumbling down your tanned shoulders, Ari felt his morning arousal spring to attention beneath his bed sheets. Mmmm. He rolled over in bed as the fog of sleep lifted from his brain, his insides stirring as he felt the sudden overwhelming urge to stand up and drag you back down into his bed with him.

"Oh sorry Ari" you stammered, suddenly embarrassed that you'd walked in on him in bed, "When you're ready I just need you for---". Your words trailed off and your throat went dry as you watched him throw the blankets off himself, unable to avert your eyes as he sat on the edge of the bed and stood up in front of you in all of his perfect, naked glory. Fuck. Ari smiled, having noticed your frozen expression. "What do you need me for Y/N?". You didn't know where to look when he took a step towards you, your eyes bouncing between his muscled torso and his erect length standing at attention - long and thick and every bit as perfect as you remembered. You swallowed thickly, feeling Ari's eyes on you in a heavy, heated gaze. All of sudden your mind couldn't help but remember the feeling of yourself stretching deliciously around him, heat instantly pooling deep in your belly as you felt your own arousal between your legs.

You stood there frozen, your heart racing in your chest and wetness growing between your thighs as Ari watched you like a predator watches his prey. Watching you standing there, struggling to form the words to answer his question as your eyes darted between his face and his throbbing arousal, Ari couldn't help but groan. Fuck he wanted you, he wanted you in every way possible, every single way possible at the mercy of him and his touch. "I---need you at the front desk. A guest wants----". Ari raised an eyebrow and took another step towards you, closing the distance between you and until his body was only inches from yours. "All I heard from that was that you need me Y/N" Ari chuckled in his deep, velvety voice, shivers running down your spine as his musky scent invaded your nose. You swallowed thickly for the second time in two minutes and pressed your thighs together, knowing that you'd practically be dripping with how unbelievably aroused you'd suddenly become. It was like everything over the last three days had built up and all at once had come crashing down on you like a wave - all of the lingering looks, the filthy thoughts, the memories from three nights ago. All of a sudden the air felt thick and you felt like your body was on fire. Ari.

You swallowed again and closed your eyes momentarily, opening them again to find Ari's gaze burning into you. Focus Y/N. "I need you at the front desk. A guest is getting angry and he wants to speak to the manager which apparently isn't me" you breathed slowly, relieved that your brain had managed to form enough words to answer him. Ari chuckled and reached up to run his fingers through his long waves, his eyes glued intently to your face. "Are you sure that's all you need me for?". He knew exactly what he was doing and knew he was teasing you, knowing just how much his words were tempting you as he watched your breathing quicken. He'd been thinking about you non stop since he'd woken up alone three days ago, right now wanting nothing more than to hear his name fall from your perfect lips. He wanted you, and he knew from looking at your darkened eyes and ragged breathing that you wanted him too. He just wanted to hear you say it. You chewed on your bottom lip as the ghost of a smile threatened to pull your lips apart, looking back up into his heated gaze as you tried to find the words to answer his question. You knew exactly what he was doing, and you knew that he did too. You wanted this, you did, you'd wanted this every night for the past three days. Your sex was practically throbbing with want between your thighs, desperate to have him buried inside you rough and deep until you were coming apart around him. "I think there might be something else you need me for Y/N" Ari bent and whispered in your ear when you didn't answer his question, his deep, vibrating voice sending a fresh wave of arousal crashing down through your body.

"What makes you think that?" you whispered, closing your eyes at the feeling of his hot breath on your heated skin. "Well, a couple of things" Ari answered slowly, his eyes flickering to your lips and back again, "Like the way you're practically trembling right now". He loved seeing you like this, so obviously wanting him but clearly fighting it with everything you had, his erection pulsing as he reached down to skim his fingers along the bottom of your dress. He chuckled when he felt your body tremble at his touch, his muscles tensing when he watched you desperately bite your lip again. "Or the way your breathing has gotten all shaky" he whispered again, lips ghosting over your neck and threatening to make your knees give out beneath you. You opened your eyes again to find Ari's eyes watching your face, flickering down to your lips and making you press your thighs together even harder. Ari grinned darkly, "And I bet that if I was to put my hand up here" he whispered, caressing your leg and slowly creeping his fingers up your thigh and towards your burning sex, "That we'd find your pussy all wet too".

You let out an involuntary moan at his filthy words in your ear, dropping your head back and hearing a sigh escape your throat as his fingers climbed higher on your leg. Ari felt his muscles clench as his fingers skimmed the seam of your bikini bottoms, stepping closer to you so that his length pressed hard against your belly. Your breathing hitched as you braced yourself for his touch, closing your eyes and chewing on your bottom lip as your heartbeat thumped in your ears. The anticipation of it all was killing you - your body was practically screaming for him, suddenly desperate to feel his touch, to have his hands on you, to have him pin you up against the wall and take you. "Ariiii" you breathed, your voice coming out as a breathless moan, "Please don't tease". Ari smirked, hovering his fingertips over the crease of your thigh and fighting the urge to groan as he felt the heat from your sex on his fingers. God he wanted you. He wanted you pressed up against him just like the other night, he wanted you naked in front of him with your legs wrapped around his head, moaning his name as he buried his face in your sweet pussy all over again. Just as he opened his mouth to tell you how much he loved seeing you desperate for him, a knock on the hotel room door made you both spring apart in shock.

"Yeah?" Ari called out after a moment, his eyes on you as you ran your fingers through your hair, trying to compose yourself as you leaned against the wall. "Ari man, There's a shitty customer at the front desk wanting to speak to the manager and he's getting worse" Max's voice spoke through the door, "You need to come out and deal with it. Y/N went off to find you about it too, have you seen her?". "I haven't seen her" Ari answered a little too quickly, clearing his throat loudly, "I'll be out in a second". Your eyes widened at the mention of your name, sucking in a silent breath as you did your best to ignore the sound of your pounding pulse in your ears. Had Max come a few seconds earlier, he would have without a doubt caught you with Ari. You'd been only moments away from losing yourself in Ari, knowing that the second his fingers hit the spot between your thighs you would have lost all control and been putty in his hands.

You both stood in silence as you listened to Max's footsteps walk away from the room, your shoulders relaxing with relief as a breath escaped your lips. It was as if Max's voice had pulled you out of your dazed bubble of arousal, your mind thinking clearly for the first time since you'd seen Ari stand naked in front of you. You had to get out of Ari's room, you had to get away from him. You wanted him, every single part of him, but you knew that right now wasn't the time. It was just too risky during the day, especially with all of the guests around. You could only imagine what would happen if the rest of the team or worse, Sam, found out, and you weren't about to take that chance and jeopardize everything you'd worked to achieve here. You knew that if you stood there any longer, one step away from Ari and his perfect naked form, you'd end up in bed fucking each other senseless as all manner of noises escaped the both of you. You couldn't take the chance. You had to leave now. You moved to step towards the door of the hotel room, Ari suddenly catching your arm and pulling you back to face him.

"Where do you think you're going?" Ari whispered, looking back at you with the same, dark, heavy gaze. "I'm going back to the main building Ari, and you should too. They need you to deal with that out there" you breathed, forcing yourself to stay in control as your eyes locked with Ari's heated gaze. "I'm no where near done with you Y/N" Ari breathed, his hand releasing your arm and moving to grip one side of your hips. You shook your head, "Ari, it's too risky right now, we could get caught". "I've been thinking about fucking you again since the moment I woke up that morning" he replied ignoring your words, "I don't care if we get caught". You shook your head, "Well I do. Sam would murder you if he found out Ari, and if you were thinking with the brain in your head rather than the brain between your legs right now, you'd realise that too". "Y/N" Ari breathed, his grip on your hip tightening, "Don't act like you don't want it too. I can see it all over your face". You let out a soft breath, once again aware of the growing wetness between your legs as you glanced down his body. His erection was still standing long, thick and hard between you, your mind suddenly fighting the overwhelming urge to drop to your knees and take him in your mouth. "I know you want me as much as I want you Y/N".

You closed your eyes momentarily, breathing in deeply and once again biting on your bottom lip. He was right, you wanted him, you did, and if you didn't leave right now, at this very second, you knew you were done for. You were so wet and willing for him that you knew you'd be moaning and crying out his name in minutes, every single person in the hotel listening as you lost yourself in him again and again. No. You had to leave now. "Ari, you have to go to the front desk. This--" you paused, gesturing between you and him, "Whatever this is, can wait". Ari shook his head and looked down at you, his fingers sliding down your hip until they reached the hem of your short dress, his fingers teasing your skin once again. "What if I don't want to wait Y/N?". The corner of your lips tugged into a smile as you looked back at him, every single fiber in your body screaming at you to wrap your arms around him and drag him down to the bed. You shook your head and stepped forward to close the distance between you, inhaling his musky scent as you pressed your lips to the skin below his ear. "You have too Ari" you whispered seductively, pausing to nip his lobe and grinning when he let out a low growl, "But if you come find me tonight I promise I'll make sure the wait was worth it".

---

"For fucks sake" you muttered under your breath, frowning as you sorted through the pile of papers sitting at the front desk. This wasn't your job, you weren't a hotel receptionist. You were a doctor, you'd spent more than 7 years studying to make a difference in people's lives. So why the fuck were you doing this? You grumbled to yourself when you finally found the paper you were looking for, reminding yourself that the facade of the hotel was all for a good cause. What you and the team were doing here was making an actual difference, you were saving hundreds of lives with every single smuggle. You let out a deep breath and sighed. It would all be worth it in the end.

You added up the cash takings for the day and scribbled down the final total at the bottom of the paper, reaching up to run your fingers through your long damp hair. Today had been hotter than usual, the afternoon heat thick and unrelenting as the sun had beat down during the day. You'd gone for at least five dips in the ocean throughout the day, the water the only source of relief in the unforgiving heat - even if it only lasted for fifteen minutes. Even sunset had failed to relieve the oppressive heat, a hot breeze still present in the air despite it being just after midnight. Most of the guests had retired to their rooms for the night to escape the heat, the last pair of customers leaving the bar ten minutes ago after you'd called last drinks.

You bagged up the cash and put it in the hotel's safe, feeling beads of sweat form at the back of your neck as you returned to the desk and took a loud sip of your straight whiskey. You swallowed noisily as the liquid burnt your throat, closing your eyes briefly and savoring the smokey flavour. You knew the alcohol wouldn't be helping the heat situation but you didn't care - you needed it after the day you'd had. You'd been on edge ever since you'd forced yourself to leave Ari's room this morning, the image of his naked form taunting your thoughts the entire day. It had taken everything you had to walk out of the room, every single fiber in your body screaming at you to let him peel off your dress and put his mouth on every inch of your skin. You opened your eyes and let out a soft sigh. To say you were frustrated would have been an understatement. You couldn't remember the last time you'd felt like this - so ridiculously desperate to have someone. It was like an itch you just couldn't scratch, knowing that the feeling wouldn't go away until you were alone with him once again. You wondered idly if Ari was feeling the same as you were, his words from earlier this morning suddenly echoing in your head and answering your mental question for you. I know you want me as much as I want you.

A shiver ran down your spine as his deep voice played through your mind once again, the muscles deep in your belly clenching as you found yourself thinking about him for the thousandth time today. The heated way he'd looked at you when he'd gotten out of bed, his incredible muscled form and perfect erect length as he'd stalked towards you, the way he'd crept his fingers oh-so-slowly up your leg. Oh Ari. You closed your eyes and took another long sip of your drink, finding yourself wondering if you'd see him at all tonight. You'd barely seen him today after you'd left him, despite telling him to come and find you later tonight. Though you were pretty sure that he would come and find you eventually, the anticipation of it all had been killing you all day. You tapped your fingers against the whiskey glass and looked out at the empty tables in the area in front of the desk, unable to ignore the feeling of want between your legs as you struggled to think of anything else but Ari.

Ari ran his fingers through his hair as he walked along the sand, his insides stirring wildly as he got closer to the main building of the hotel. He could only hope that you'd be there after having just found your room empty, your words from this morning telling him to come and find you later playing through his mind like a mantra. He'd waited all day to find you knowing that you didn't want to risk anyone finding out, the waiting undeniable torture as he struggled to think about any else except you naked and wrapped around him as he fucked you over and over like he had three nights ago. He stepped inside the side door of the building and walked through to the main restaurant area, his eyes taking in the deserted tables and chairs under the dim hotel lights. Everything looked like it had been packed and closed up for the day, one lone over head light by the front desk left on and lingering over the empty area.

"Drink?". Your voice made Ari flip around in an instant, his gaze landing on you sitting perched on the hotel desk holding an almost empty tumbler in your hands. He watched you lift the glass and drain the last of the amber liquid, his eyes taking in your golden skin and soft curves under your thin white dress. Even from where he was standing he could see the glisten of liquid on your full lips, a shiver running down his spine as he remembered the way they'd felt against his skin only a few nights ago. You licked your lips and flashed Ari a soft smile, reaching for the bottle of whiskey behind you and refilling your glass. "You look like you need this" you mused as you put the bottle back down, shifting on the desk and holding out the glass to him. You felt your insides stir as he made his way over to you, your eyes traveling up his muscled body and momentarily lingering on the area of exposed skin beneath his half buttoned shirt. You swallowed thickly. Your pulse had started to quicken the moment you'd looked up from the desk and seen him walk into the building. Him being here meant only one thing, and you knew that the both of you knew exactly what that was.

Ari came to a stop in front of you, his body barely an inch from your dangling legs. He flashed an effortlessly handsome smile as he took the glass and you felt your knees go instantly weak, suddenly thankful that you were sitting rather than standing. "I've barely seen you all day" you breathed, watching as he lifted the glass to his lips and took a long sip, "Where have you been?". Ari swallowed noisily and looked up at you on the desk, his eyes flickering down to the soft line of cleavage beneath your dress. "Honestly?" he asked slowly, tapping his fingers against the glass, "Avoiding you". He watched as a confused look crossed your face, his eyes once again flickering down as you shifted your legs on the bench. "Avoiding me?" you replied softly, unsure if you should be pissed off or hurt by his response. Why on earth would he have been avoiding you?

Ari nodded and took another long sip, draining the glass and putting it down on the desk beside you. "I had to. It was the only thing I could do to stop myself". You frowned, still not quite understanding, your eyes watching him closely as you waited for him to continue. "I can't stop thinking about what happened three nights ago Y/N. Every time I look at you all I can think about is how badly I want you". His words echoed in your ears and you felt the faintest of smiles grow on your lips as you looked back at him. You knew exactly how he felt, you wanted him just as badly, your mind suddenly wondering if you should tell him that you too had struggled to think of anything else except him. You wanted him, you needed him, just like you had three nights ago. You glanced down at your feet and inhaled a silent breath, lifting your eyes back to find his eyes burning into you with a look that you knew meant only one thing. Oh Ari. You exhaled softly and swallowed, feeling your muscles clench as you looked back at Ari standing inches in front of you. "You're not the only one that can't stop thinking about what happened three nights ago Ari".

Ari groaned internally, exhaling loudly and holding your gaze as he watched you licked your lips. All of sudden you didn't need anymore words. Ari. He stepped forward and closed the distance between you, parting your legs and standing between them as he cupped your chin and pulled you in for a heavy, heated kiss. His tongue pushed into your mouth and danced with yours in a passionate, open mouthed kiss, his fingers reaching around to curl into your hair and holding you tight to him. You wrapped your legs around him and pulled him tighter against your body, a moan escaping your throat when you felt his length press against your belly through your clothes. Oh fuck.

Ari groaned when you slid your hands up into his hair, your fingers fisting into his long locks and tugging as you kissed him. He'd wanted this again since the moment he'd woken up alone three days ago, wanting nothing more than to feel you pressed against him as you moaned his name out loud. Now, it was finally happening. Ari released your hair and slid his hands down your back, pausing to slip off the thin straps of your dress so that the top half fell down your body. His hands went back up to your neck and pulled on the halter string of your bikini, loosening the tie until your breasts fell free between you. Ari released your lips and bent to press his lips to your now exposed chest, massaging your skin and eliciting another moan from you when he captured your left nipple with his mouth.

"Oh Ari" you breathed, dropping your head back and tightening your fingers in his hair, revelling in the sweet torture of his mouth on your sensitive peaks. He switched to your right breast and pressed wet, open mouthed kisses to your soft skin, heat pooling deep in your belly as you gave in to the feeling of him. He released your nipple with a gentle pop and trailed kisses down your stomach, glancing up at you with a burning gaze as he bunched up your dress at your waist. Your breathing was ragged now, shallow breaths coming in short, sharp gasps as you realised what he was about to do. You'd dreamt about this for the past three days, your mind unable to forget the heady feeling of his tongue between your thighs, remembering the way he'd teased an orgasm from you as he'd tongued and fingered your folds. You unwrapped your legs from Ari's waist and sucked in a silent breath when he pushed them apart even further, the heat between your legs suddenly insatiable as you felt your arousal spread.

Ari hooked his finger in your bikini bottoms and pulled them across to the side, tearing his eyes from yours and glancing down at the sight he'd been constantly dreaming about seeing again. Fuck. You were already wet for him, your perfect pink folds glistening with arousal and want for him, Ari's insides stirring wildly as he looked at your glorious body in front of you. Fuck yes Y/N. Your own muscles clenched deliciously at the anticipation of having him there again, your heart racing in your chest as you began to writhe your hips against the hotel desk. "You have the most perfect pussy Y/N" Ari breathed as he bent to trail kisses along your inner thighs, "I've been wanting so badly to taste you again". His words rang in your ears and you chewed on your bottom lip, a soft moan sounding from your throat when he looked up and met your gaze with his lips less than an inch from your most intimate parts. He licked his lips and you bit your lip so hard you were sure you drew blood, every single one of your muscles tightening as you waited for the inevitable. "Ari!" you moaned when he finally pressed his tongue to your folds, dropping yourself back onto the desk as Ari growled and buried his face in your pussy. Oh Y/N. He felt like he'd been waiting forever for this, your pussy soft and warm and tasting just as sweet as he remembered. Fuck Y/N.

Ari looked up as he closed his lips around your clit, watching as you suddenly cried out and arched your back against the desk. Your chest heaved with heavy breaths, your hips gyrating against the desk as he tortured you with his tongue. His arms circled your legs to pin you to the desk, his thumbs reaching up to spread your folds open and give him better access to your sweet wetness. "Oh Ari!" you cried out in a breathy voice, struggling to keep your moans quiet, "Fuck---yes!". Ari grinned at your moans and paused momentarily, stepping back briefly to once again admire the sight of your perfect pussy. "You taste so sweet Y/N" Ari mused, exhaling loudly as he pushed two fingers into you and groaned when he felt you stretch around him, "And you're so fucking tight baby, oh fuck yes".

You were a writhing mess at this point, hot, sweaty and so incredibly turned on, your mind unable to think about anything but Ari as he fucked you with his fingers. You wanted to come and you knew that he'd be teasing an orgasm from you in minutes if he kept this up, his fingers hitting that perfect spot with each push in. You could feel the heat building, the pressure growing deep in your belly, your hands scrambling on the desk in an attempt to find something to hold on to. "Oh Ari right there, right there oh my fucking god!". Strings of words and profanities fell from your lips, your chest heaving as he held you down and curled his fingers inside you. "You like that Y/N?" Ari growled, pumping his fingers faster, "You like it when I fuck you with my fingers?". A cross between a cry and a moan slipped from lips at his filthy words, your hips grinding into the desk as you felt yourself hurtling towards the edge.

Watching you open, exposed and writhing on the desk in front of him, Ari felt his body go into overdrive. His erection twitched almost painfully in his shorts, throbbing with desperate arousal as he raced to bring you to the edge. He knew that when he did finally fuck you he wouldn't last long, all of his arousal from the last few days spreading through his body like a shock wave. When he did finally fuck you, it would be hard, rough and fast. Fuck. Ari groaned. "Come for me baby, just like that. Come around my fingers". He bent and pressed his tongue to your folds, flicking his tongue in perfect unison with his pumping fingers and making you cry out once again. "Oh fuck Ari!". In an instant it was all too much and you felt yourself free falling off the edge, a burst of hot pressure spreading through your body as you cried out his name and bucked your hips against the desk.

Ari looked up in time to see you drop your head back in ecstasy, holding you to the desk and slowing down his fingers as you rode out your orgasm in front of him. He licked one last long slow trail up your folds and grinned when you twitched violently, standing up and licking his lips as you sucked in ragged breaths on the desk. "Oh Ari" you breathed heavily, still feeling the remnants of warmth spreading through your body as he withdrew his fingers, "That was incredible". Your eyes fluttered open and you reached up to run your fingers through your hair, looking up just in time to see a now shirtless Ari unbuttoning his shorts and freeing his thick arousal. You swallowed thickly at the sight of his erect length and watched as Ari stroked himself, the muscles in your belly clenching as you tore your eyes away and met his gaze once again. Ari exhaled loudly. "Bend over for me Y/N, this is gonna be quick".

In an instant you'd forgotten all about your orgasm from only moments ago, suddenly wanting nothing more than to feel Ari buried inside you, his hands holding your hips as his thick length filled you. You slid off the desk and turned to press your belly against the wood, pushing your ass into Ari and moaning when he kneaded your round cheeks. "Fuck your ass is incredible Y/N" Ari breathed, his mouth going slack as he pumped himself above your perfect, peachy ass. He'd wanted to take you from behind from the moment he'd seen you naked the other night, having admired your ass on more than one occasion each time he'd seen you in your bikinis.

You flexed your fingers against the wood as you felt him line himself up with your entrance, a breathy moan falling from your lips when you felt him push into you. Oh Ari, baby! You both let out strangled moans as you relished in the delicious feeling of stretching around him, the feeling just as incredible as you remembered it had been only three nights ago. There was nothing quite like the feeling of adjusting to his size inside you, shivers of pleasure running down your spine as your eyes rolled and your lips fell open. "Oh Y/N, yes" Ari moaned deeply, reaching down to grip either side of your hips and squeezing your golden skin, "You feel-- oh god yes, baby. You ready?".

You wiggled your hips impatiently, answering his question without words, swearing you could hear him grin behind you as he pulled out almost all the way before thrusting his hips back into you. You both let out moans as Ari began to roll his hips into you, your mind completely devoid of anything but thoughts of him. This was finally happening again, the scene you'd imagined as you'd relieved your own frustrations last night no longer just a thought in your head. "Fuck. You. Feel. So. Good" Ari breathed between thrusts, each of his words coming quicker than the last as his pace quickly increased.

Before long he was pounding into you relentlessly, his grip on your hips like a vice as his hips slapped against your ass. The wet sound of skin on skin filled the room, your pulse pounding in your ears as you gripped the desk and fought hopelessly to keep your moans quiet. Neither of you needed someone to walk and see Ari bending you over and fucking you senseless into the hotel desk but right now you struggled to even care. All you could think about was Ari and the way he was fucking you like a man possessed, all of the want and built up arousal over the past few days clearly having affected him as much as it had you.

You could feel the pressure building in your belly with each new push, your body feeling like it was going to split at the seams as he thrust all the way in and out over and over. "Ari oh my god" you moaned, turning your head and pressing your cheek into the cool wood, "Fuck. Yes. Baby. Right there". "Right there?" Ari growled, his grip now bruising into your hips as the heat in your belly burned, "You like it right there? Come for me Y/N, I know you wanna come". You were racing towards the edge, hurtling towards the finish line for the second time tonight, knowing that you were only moments away from the grand finale as Ari fucked you from behind.

Ari gritted his teeth as he slammed himself into you over and over again, using every ounce of strength he had to delay his finish until you came around him. He knew you were close, he could tell from the way your walls were squeezing around his throbbing length with each push in, beads of sweat dripping down his back as he pounded into your pussy. He watched as you lifted one hand from the desk and reached down between your thighs, all of his self control threatening to break as you started to rub two fingers against your clit. "Oh fuck" Ari groaned, unable to remember the last time he'd seen something so sexy as he watched you tease yourself between your bodies.

"Oh there" you moaned, squeezing your eyes shut and rubbing your fingers faster into your clit, "There baby there, right there Ari. Go deep, go deep, oh fuck!". Everything went white as the pressure in your belly finally snapped, Ari's name falling from your lips like a prayer as warmth and pleasure crashed through your body from your fingers to your toes. Ari gritted his teeth and held onto your writhing hips, fucking you through your high with everything he had until he was no longer able to take it. With an animalistic groan he pulled out and found his own release, his entire body shuddering as he milked his length and spilled himself all over your perfect, round ass.

Your legs were like jelly as you lay bent over against the desk, your body a sweaty, sticky, panting mess. You opened your eyes and looked back over your shoulder to find Ari looking like he'd just run a marathon, one arm on either side of your body as he tried to compose himself against the desk. You grinned as you watched him reach up and slick back his sweat drenched hair, lifting his eyes and meeting yours with a wide, cheeky grin. "That was fucking incredible Y/N". You laughed as he cleaned you up with a towel and smoothed your dress back down over your body, giving your ass a playful swat as you stood up and turned to lean back against the desk to face Ari.

You grinned and reached out to pull him by his shirt, pulling him to you and pressing your lips to his in a rough kiss. You tugged on his bottom lip with your teeth and smiled when you heard him chuckle, releasing his lip and breaking away to look up into his beautiful blue eyes. "So, was the wait worth it?" you asked cheekily, jumping back to sit on the desk and tilting your head as you looked at him. Ari laughed and shook his head, stepping forward to stand between your open legs and resting his hands on your thighs. He grinned wickedly, his eyes flashing with a mischievous chuckle. "Abso-fucking-lutely".

Comment & Requests please!

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#ari levinson smut #ari levinson #ari levinson x reader #ari levinson imagine #ari levinson edit #ari levinson one shot #chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans one shot #smut #anon request #request #ari levinson fan fiction

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bakugouscentedcaramel · 5 years

Text

💕Soft Bois Hour 💞

We all just need some softies up in this bitch, buckle up your hearts y'all because here's a bakers dozen of soft Bois here to soothe your affection thirsty hearts

Bakugou

You're planted firmly in his lap with your back flushed against his chest

His chin resting on your shoulder and his arms wrapped around your torso

You both are just watching a video on your phone, you laugh which causes him to watch you instead

Your laugh was what first started it, he felt his heart swell with softness

The vibration in your body warmed his senses as he felt himself smile at you

His eyes locked onto your face, the eyes that melted him, the mouth that showered him in love, the blush he craved every single waking day

He nuzzled into your neck and sighed contently

You could feel his steady heartbeat on your back as he leaned further into you

"You're so beautiful Y/n..." He grumbled against your skin as his arms softly tightened their hold on you

Todoroki

You two were on a date and decided to sit outside at a café

The sun was beaming and so we're you

To be honest he wasn't paying attention to what you were trying to tell him, he was too busy being infatuated with you

Your bright eyes shone with enough light to put the constellations to shame

Your lips were more tempting than any cafe cookie, the way they moved put him in a trance

The way your hair blew in the wind could've been out of a movie scene

And he loved every second of it

He reached out to brush the back of his hand against your cheek and smiled softly

You paused at the sudden touch before you saw his eyes lid softly before

"Y/n, I love you more than anything..." He grabbed your hand and kissed it tenderly before taking a sip of his coffee, basking in the blush that dusted your cheeks

Midoriya

You two were just laying down after a hard busy day

You were laying on his chest with his arm around you, just listening to him rambling about his day, occasionally adding your input

Until your answers got shorter and more simple

You could feel the sleep shrouding your eyes

Izuku kept rambling for about 15 minutes before he realized you fell asleep

He smiled softly

He always found it cute that his voice alone could put you to sleep, but he also couldn't help but feel that he bored you to sleep

His thoughts snowballed causing his anxiety to rise

Until you shifted into him and murmured a "Keep going, Izu.."

"A-anything for you, Y/n..." He kissed your forehead and continued his banter about the silver age of heroes, his voice now significantly softer than before as an actual attempt to get you to fall asleep

Shinsou

He didn't understand any of this

You were just cooking but you were so..

Breathtaking

The way your hair fell on your shoulders, your fluid movements, and god your humming...

He couldn't help himself from walking up to you and hugging you from behind

His arms wrapped around your waist and he rested his head on your shoulder

"Are you sure you don't want my help, love?"

Your affirmation was just as intoxicating as how your eyes looked at his with such a love filled energy

He chuckled and started swaying the two of you to the beating of his own heart

He hummed a melody of his own making, the vibrations tickling your skin

Slow dancing with his glorious Sun was all he could ever ask for

Kaminari

"Hey Babe! Whatcha think?" You gave your Thor Knockoff a twirl

You came out of the dressing room with full on Chargebolt merch

He whipped his head over and you could see him about to short circuit, a soft dorky smile gracing his face

Unknowing to you, you gave him the knock out move

You giggled at his reaction and flashed him that dazzling smile

The lights flickered and he was down for the count

Once you explain to the staff that he is indeed ok and there's no need to call an ambulance, you drag him into the dressing room, power bank charger in hand

After a few minutes of charging his batteries he let out a dazed chuckle

"Y/n... I'm so grateful for you, you have no idea, hot stuff"

"Clam it pika, you can't be doing this at every single store we go to."

Tokoyami

You two were in a tree, just watching the stars through the cloudy sky

You were laying in his lap and your back against his chest, his arms keeping you steady and secure on the branch

Everything was so peaceful, until he let out a frustrated sigh, Dark Shadow eyeing his weilder

"I'm sorry that the sky isn't clear enough for this, Y/n. The forecast said it was going to be crystal clear."

You laughed causing him to recoil in surprise

"Love no, it's already perfect. It's so pretty how the stars peak through the clouds like this, they dazzle through the leaves and it's like a little show for us. Not to mention any time we spend together is already perfect!" Lean further into him and look up at him, giving him that intoxicating smile.

His features relaxed and his grip on you tightened, Dark Shadow finding a more comfortable spot on the bark

"You are too good for me, my Queen of Darkness.."

Kirishima

You've just gotten out of the shower, already dressed and your hair in a towel

Your Shark boi wasn't about to pass up this opportunity

"Hey Y/n, want me to do your hair?" His smile should've been illegal

You shrugged and agreed, no harm in it right?

As soon as the towel came off he was starstruck

Got a whiff of your shampoo and nearly keeled over

Brushes your hair for you and makes sure it doesn't pull, taking impressive care not to be too rough

Low-key spends most of the time combing through your hair with his fingers

Eventually gives you a braid crown

"Every Queen deserves a crown, and your hair is like the threads of heavens harp, my goddess..."

Iida

You were working later than usual, and he hated it

He knew how hard you were on yourself if you didn't "work to your fullest"

So he did the best he could

He cleaned your shared apartment and left you dinner in the fridge, did your laundry for you, the whole 9 yards

But you were still out later than he thought

Ended up leaving four voicemails, each one sounding more tired than the last one, always ending with "I love you, Y/n, come home soon"

You came home to him asleep on the couch, his mouth partially open and his arms crossed

Once he heard your keys rattling on the table he groggily woke up

"Nngn, welcome home, Y/n... Let's go to bed.."

Aizawa

He must've fallen asleep on the couch you two just bought

The last thing he remembers was stretching out on it and you joining him

Now he's awake and you're still asleep, on top of him, your gentle snores causing a smile to creep on his face

He picked up the blanket from the floor, you must've shook it off in your sleep

He tossed it over the both of you, hoping you wouldn't wake up from the movement

You only just stirred before nuzzling into his chest

He chuckled quietly before playing with you hair, twirling it between his fingers

"My Nap Queen..."

"...ngn.. Nap King..."

Fuck you heard him

Now he has to come up with a clever excuse for his blush

Toshinori

He was up extremely late grading papers and customizing each of his students training regiments

You loved the fact he cared so much about his pupils but he needs sleep too, and you've gotten into the habit of sleeping with him so sleeping by yourself was out of the question

You watched him from the doorway of his office, blanket draped over yourself like a gown, the dim light of candles illuminated his desk, the smell of papers and ink flooded your senses

You couldn't help but yawn at the relaxing atmosphere

Toshi huffed and turned to see your sleepless self watching him

"I'll be finished soon, I promise my love." He gave you a weak smile, his eyes hazed with his own tiredness

"Toshi, please darling. You know I can't sleep without you, I can come by tomorrow for the class as an apology for their papers not getting graded. Please come to bed, hon."

He couldn't help but smirk at your plea

"I suppose" he blew out the candles and made his way over to you

He picked you up gently and started princess carrying you to the bed

"You certainly are the best decision I've made, my heart."

Dabi

You were full of piss and vinegar today, and he might've just unleased a rabid beast

One of his teases sent you over the edge

You were bottling up all of the weeks frustrations but his snide comment just uncapped it all

"You're a son of a bitch Dabi, you know that? You never fuckin help me with ANYTHING but you want me to cater to your lazy ass??? YOU FUCKING WANT FOOD GO GET IT YOURSELF YOU FOOTBALL LOOKIN MOTHER FUCKER-"

He was starstruck, a normal person would've retreated with their tail between their legs but he was infatuated with every emotion, every expression, every syllable

You truly were his very own wildfire

He slammed his lips into yours with an unexpected energy

It was soft and sincere which was unlike him

Was this his way of apologizing? Or was it..

He's smirking at your bafflement

"Relax Dollface. Don't worry about dinner. I'll take care of it. What's my wildfire of spite in the mood for tonight"

You could've sworn you saw a shit-eating grin through his honeyed words

Shigaraki

You two were sleeping next to each other, but with different blankets

You knew he was scared of ever touching you but tonight was going to be one of the worst

He started tossing and turning suddenly, unconsciously scratching in his sleep, he was having a nightmare

His trembling form rattled the bedframe. His breaths that choked him, his frantic mumbles, his desperate clawing, all filled the room

You gently shook him awake, worry filling your heart and mind. His eyes shot open, red and bloodshot, a tear rappelling down his face

He shoved you away and sat up, his back facing you while he tried to catch his breath

You laid against his form, hoping your warmth would comfort him like normal, you hummed one of his video games' melody in hopes of calming him

He didn't acknowledge you, but you could feel him slightly relax under you, a shaky huff escaping his lips

He's slowly getting used to contact, he just needs some time

#bnha imagines #bnha x reader #bakugou x reader #mha imagines #mha x reader #todoroki x reader #midoriya x reader #toshinori x reader #shigaraki tomura x reader #dabi x reader #iida x reader #tokoyami x reader #kirishima x reader #aizawa x reader #denki x reader #shinsou x reader

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ren-deru-16 · 3 years

Text

Episode 7 (T-T)

Arima have been hanging out with the two but for some reason, there’s this bad feeling growing in her heart but she chose to push it down.

“Whoa! That’s so high!” Reki praised Lang when he reached the star graffiti on the wall.

“Amazing…” Arima’s jaw dropped.

“Ari, do you think you can pull that off?” He excitedly looked at his friend. “Ah, wait, you’re wearing a skirt…”

She sighed and steadied her board. “I told you before that I have no problems skating when wearing a skirt.”

She gained momentum and jumped on a wooden ramp and ran her board on the wall. Barely reaching the star, she clicked her tongue and landed perfectly.

“Not enough force on that jump…” she mumbled.

Reki whistled and ruffled her hair. “So close! I’m sure you’ll get it next time!”

“That elevation was amazing.” Langa was looking at her with his usual excited and sparkly face.

“That was the first time I see a girl skate wearing a skirt!” A boy behind them says when they saw them.

“I didn’t even see her panties at all! Amazing!” another boy said.

“That’s what you’re thinking?” the three teenagers thought with a sweat drop.

“Because I’m wearing shorts…” she mumbled.

*That night*

“I see that you two are still fighting as ever.” Arima notes as she crossed her arms in front of the two. “When will you stop arguing, mom and dad?”

“We’re not your parents!”

She deadpanned. “You guys basically adopted me at some point after introducing me to “S”.”

Cherry noticed that she was not in her usual self. “What’s wrong?”

She tightened her grip on her sleeves. “I have been having bad feelings recently… and…”

“Why do I feel like this is about Reki and Langa…?”

She bit her lower lip and looked away. “It’s probably nothing…”

“No, it’s definitely something.” Joe says.

“Never mind that. Reki and the others are waiting for you two over there.”

Joe was talking about something to them but Arima could only focus on grinding her teeth as that foreboding feeling is growing bigger. Upon seeing that Langa went up even higher and gained more air, she left, saying that she needs to get something to drink.

***

“DEVIL and Langa are the same, but at the same time, different.” Cherry explains after she left. “Both have skills, the guts, and they don’t back down. Their bodies don’t curl up and they have a strong core, too. However, Langa has a body that’s undergone a substantial amount of training while DEVIL doesn’t.”

“Yeah, Ari told me that she started skateboarding when she was six and did only skates in parks and empty lots all by herself.” Reki says.

“Langa is more refined in skills and technique.” Joe continues. “DEVIL…she’s very rough and she never tries to smoothen her moves. She’s like a wild animal. It’s ironic, really.”

“Don’t lump DEVIL like your women, you ape.” Cherry scoffed.

“I’m talking about her morning self!”

***

“SNOW’s amazing!”

“I know, right?”

“More like, who’s that redhead who’s always with SNOW?”

“No idea. Do you know?”

“Oh, that guy’s some lowlife that just hangs out with him.”

“No need to remember that guy.”

Arima kicked the wall next to the guys who were talking about Reki and kabe donned them, her red and gold eyes glowing under her hood.

“Heeek!”

“O-Oi, it’s DEVIL!”

“What does he want?”

“Hey.” She started, her voice slightly low filled with silent rage. “You guys have no right to insult Reki and call him a nobody. Want me to kick your ass, you fools?”

They started sweating bullets until she decided to just let them off with a click of her tongue.

“Damn it… I finally get it why I have been having these feelings…” She slid on the wall and pulled her hood further down her face “The gap between Reki and Langa might cause a rift between them…”

***

“I’m sorry for making the team lose.” Arima bowed to her classmates. “I’m really bad at sports…”

“It’s okay, Miyauchi-san!” one of her female classmates assured her. “We know that most of us aren’t that sporty too!”

Yeah, despite the fact that she skates, she’s sucks at sports activities for some reason.

“And besides, you played a big role in winning the dodge ball game earlier!”

“That’s already good enough!”

She smiled and bowed. “Thank you very much.”

As she cooled down on a bench, she saw that Reki’s class has a soccer game against their class. Langa kicked for the goal and they won.

“Uwaaah… Hasegawa-kun is so good, huh?” her seatmate, Nagatsu, said as she sat next to her while watching the boys. “He’s good with basketball too. You hang out with them every after class, right? Miyauchi-san?”

“…” She was not listening. “Yes… he’s really good at everything… but…”

“Miyauchi-san!”

She blinked and faced her. “E-Eh? W-What is it? I’m sorry for spacing out!”

Nagatsu pouts and shakes her. “Geez! I’m telling you to introduce me to Hasegawa-kun! You’re close with him, right?! Introduce me too!”

It’s obvious that she wanted to hook up with Langa.

Arima stood and grabbed her towel. “I’m sorry. I can’t do that.”

“Eh?! Why?! Don’t be greedy!”

“It’s not that.” She says before entering the building.

***

There’s an “S” that night but for the first time, Arima didn’t come.

“A-Arima…?” Reki was surprised to see her outside his house. She was wearing her usual attire when skating and she has her board with her.

“Hey.” She waved her hand. “I came for a late night visit.”

They entered his room and she apologized to his mother for intruding by gifting them her homemade sweets.

“Sorry if my room’s a mess.” He told her.

“I don’t mind. It was my fault for coming unannounced.” She sat on his chair while the teen leaned on the wall next to his bed.

Reki glanced at her. “Why didn’t you go with them? There’s an “S” tonight, right?”

She was in her half DEVIL mode. “Cherry and Joe already knew that I won’t be coming tonight.” She looked at him with her mismatched eyes. “I’m worried about you.”

“Eh?”

She sighed and leaned back on the chair. “Reki, we have been friends since third year in middle school. I know it’s not that long but by now, I can tell what you’re feeling right now.”

He didn’t answer and she didn’t push him to.

“I’ll stay here even if you don’t want to talk about it. I’m not pitying you, Reki, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m staying because I’m worried.”

He flinched and she knew he thought of that. She can read him quite well as a result of their long friendship.

“But, I really wish he and Langa talk about this… their situation is driving me nuts in worry.” she thought.

“Why…?” he asked.

“Why, you ask… we’re friends, right? Do you really have to ask that?” she gave a small smile. “I want to talk to you about a lot of things but, I’m afraid of making things worse. I don’t want you to feel even more anxious and inferior of your skills. I’m sorry for being such an awkward friend, Reki. The only thing I can do right now is keep you company.”

***

When she returned back home at around dawn (they still have class so she had to go home after staying with Reki for the night), she received a mail from Cherry.

ADAM came last night.

A new message popped up.

He announced a tournament and made an entry for those who want to join. ADAM will also skate.

He sent her one but, she was surprised to see what written on the button.

Instead of “I’ll be waiting for you” the one on her entry says “The devil’s not invited”.

“What the heck, ADAM?” she gritted her teeth in frustration. She clicked that icon but the system says “error” or “forbidden”. She tried again but the results are still the same.

“He really didn’t want me to skate against him, huh?”

Arima messaged Cherry.

I wasn’t invited.

How come?

My entry says, “The devil’s not invited”. I tried clicking but all I get was error or forbidden. I really don’t get it.

I’ll think of something. I know that you want to skate against him after your last beef against him.

Yeah. Thank you, Cherry.

She threw her phone on the bed and flopped on the mattress. “Without a doubt…Langa will be invited too… This is bad…”

“It may be just my gut feeling but… Langa is being pulled in by ADAM…” she mumbled before putting her hand over her eyes.

When she heard that Reki argued with Langa that rainy night, saying that they don’t match up anymore, pains her to see the two put a wall between each other.

“Langa, I told you to stay away from ADAM… For both you and Reki’s sake…” she thought as she looked at her board. “Reki developed anxiousness and fear from ADAM due to that beef with him. Langa was engrossed because ADAM is a good skater after he saw the “world” in ADAM’s eyes. I couldn’t blame either of them but…

What can I do for those two to get back again?”

She did an ollie by the sidewalk while thinking.

“Should I crash my way to ADAM?”

This episode broke my heart. Why tf I'm sort of getting banana fish vibes in the last scene... (I'm aware that both have same directors and are under the same studio, i think)

#sk8 the infinity #sk8 the infinity ep 7 #reki #langa #miya #adam #joe #cherry #joe and cherry bickering like a married couple yet again #yes oc is adopted by these two lol #sk8 ep 7 whyyyyy #reki sad #langa sad #this episode is sad #make up you two please

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letsbenditlikebennett · 4 years

Text

Conversations with Dead People || Ariana & Kaden

TIMING: Current PARTIES: @chasseurdeloup & @letsbenditlikebennett ft. a special dream brought to life guest SUMMARY: When Ariana goes to Kaden to drop off a fresh batch of treats for Abel, she asks him some serious questions and some dreams come to life. CONTENT: Grief

With the full moon that recently passed, Ariana had a fresh new batch of venison dog treats for Luna and all her other favorite dogs in town. Making dog treats served as a good distraction to the feeling of lead in her chest weighing her down as she tried her damnedest not to think of Winn. Everything was still too fresh and she needed to keep her mind occupied to keep from totally losing it. With dog treats done and stew in the slow cooker, she had decided to deliver Abel’s treats over to Kaden’s. He was expecting her, but the sense of dread she felt about seeing him wouldn’t go away. She had to ask though. She didn’t smell him on the scene, but something about the scent near the gunfire was off. Familiar but not at the same time. She needed to know it wasn’t him. She needed to know that not letting Winn speak up about Kaden the last time the pack got together didn’t cost Winn his life. She couldn’t keep carrying the blame in her that two people she loved died because of her careless and naive actions. The circles under her eyes kept growing darker and she knew they were still puffy as she knocked on his door. “Hey,” she greeted more quietly than normal as he opened the door, “I wanted to bring these by for Abel.” She held up the ziploc bag full of venison jerky and biscuits. “I was also hoping you’d have a bit of time to talk?” She looked up to him now, pleading evident in her tired eyes.

Abel always knew when someone was at the door before Kaden did. “Hold on, calm down, stop barking,” he said to the dog as he got up from the couch. Ariana told him she was coming over to deliver treats, should be a quick hand off. It didn’t make sense to him how much he seemingly liked the girl. She was kind and caring and a pain in the ass a lot of times, not unlike Blanche. But she was also a werewolf. Very much so. He felt the chill down his spine before his hand had even reached the doorknob. Putain, he couldn’t make sense of it. Why did he care at all? And why was she being nice to him? He knew why. Deep down he did. Celeste. Something about her sister tethered them together. But at a certain point, when was it still respecting his fallen friend and just being friends with a werewolf? Kaden wasn’t sure. And he was going to keep putting off that question. Because this was going to be a quick and simple hand off. “Hey,” he said as he opened the door. Shit. Why did she look so rough? No. It didn’t matter. “Thanks for the treats.” He was about to take the bag and close the door, Abel’s nose nuzzling out around his side, trying desperately to push his way to the girl for pets. “Abel, stay back, we’re not-- Wait, you were?” His brow furrowed, mouth pulled into a thin line. Shit, she really did look upset. He could still say no. Say he was busy. Tell her to go away. But he looked in her eyes and sighed. “Yeah, sure, come in.”

There was always a certain hesitation that came with their in person interactions that threw Ariana off guard. She guessed it wasn’t too surprising considering what they both were. By nature, they were supposed to hate each other, but somehow she couldn’t bring herself to hate someone her sister had cared for. Especially, when it bridged the gaps between their two worlds in the way. She had to believe that Kaden saw her as a person, it was clear he wanted to keep her out of harm’s way and that wasn’t just some loyalty to Celeste. It didn’t put her stomach at ease though. Part of her wanted to cling to the idea that he’d never be so reckless as to shoot a wolf in human form point blank in the middle of town, especially as a cop, but she had to know. “Yeah,” she answered, her voice still sounding ragged from lack of sleep and too many tears cried. She followed him into his apartment and reached a hand out for Abel to sniff. A weak smile formed on her lips as he seemed eager to greet her. She gave his head a few gentle pets before flopping onto Kaden’s couch. She fidgeted with her hands a moment, not entirely ready to dive into the questions she had, but she knew putting it off was only going to increase the tension. “I,” she started and decided to look up to him, “I don’t want to accuse you of anything because I don’t really think you’d-- I mean you’re a cop, you wouldn’t just shoot someone in the middle of town even if they were a wolf, right?” She did her best to fight the tears that were threatening to spill over. Whatever the truth was, she needed to deal with it. Nothing was going to change the fact her friend was still dead, but at least she’d know if she really did need to put some distance between herself and Kaden.

Kaden’s mouth pulled into a thin line as he pulled the door open to let her in, shepherding Abel behind him. It didn’t matter much, the dog was immediately at her side, asking for attention. At least one of them was perfectly at ease with the whole situation. As she parked herself on the couch, he crossed his arms and leaned up against the chair across the way, still standing. It felt wrong, the idea of getting comfortable while it felt like ants were crawling down his spine. As much as he wanted sometimes to forget what she was, the world would never let him. Maybe it was for the best. His head tilted and he leaned in a bit as she fumbled, trying to find the words she was looking for before she did. And really, he should have seen it coming. “That’s what you wanted to ask,” he said painly, looking away a moment, trying to keep from rolling his eyes even a little. He was so fucking tried of fielding this question, but she was clearly upset, there didn’t seem to be a reason to twist the knife in if he could avoid it. “No, it wasn’t me.” He clenched his jaw and held back that he wouldn’t have hesitated to shoot Winn Woods as a wolf at any moment, especially knowing what he knew. “You’re right. I’m not stupid enough to shoot someone in the middle of the day right out in the middle of town.” He couldn’t tell why being asked if he killed a wolf was getting under his skin like this. Because he would have killed that wolf. And he wasn’t particularly upset that he was gone. And yet, somehow being asked over and over again whether or not he did it dug into him a little more. “What if I was, Ari? What then?” he asked, arms still crossed, eyes averting hers. It was probably stupid to ask. And not the time. But the question kept eating at him.

Any relief that it wasn’t Kaden who killed Winn quickly faded when Ariana realized whoever did was still out there. It wasn’t a comforting thought. Who was to say she wouldn’t be shot leaving the kids’ soccer practice one day. She didn’t believe it was right or that she had deserved as much, but neither had Winn. She nodded along slowly and remarked, “I didn’t think you did, I just…” She wasn’t quite sure. Her mind was tired and weary which made it harder to explain what was going on, but she could try. “I guess I just had to know it wasn’t my,” she cut herself off. Would it have really been her fault? Winn had cautioned anyone Kaden hurt after she insisted on not putting a target on his head was on her. Was she wrong to trust him? She wished more than anything Celeste was here. All she wanted to do was keep a part of Celeste alive with her and it was growing increasingly difficult when the world kept wanting to stomp out any shred of optimism and hope she had left. She shifted uncomfortably on the couch and it seemed the dog picked up on her tension. His next question was loaded and she had no idea what the answer was. “Honestly,” she answered, “I don’t really know-- I wouldn’t” She wouldn’t what? Hurt him? That much was apparent, she didn’t have it in her. Even if the belief she had in him becoming a better person was shattered, she still couldn’t kill him. Would she stop others from trying? She still couldn’t figure as much out. “I couldn’t hurt you. Which maybe that makes me stupid and naive or whatever the hell else has been implied when I didn’t let a bunch of wolves put an actual target on your head, but I’m just glad it wasn’t you. I’m glad it wasn’t my fault he’s gone. Celeste already--” She found it hard to finish the sentence as her voice cracked. Celeste being gone had been her fault as much as everyone liked to convince her it wasn’t. If she hadn’t insisted on staying in this stupid town, they’d be somewhere new and maybe she’d have to say goodbye to her friends, but Celeste would still be there.

Ariana hadn’t meant to let the tears well up in her eyes, but confronting this was hard and his question made her think of all the ways her own actions had cost her the people she loved. As she reached a hand to rub her eyes before any could fall, she let out a small gasp. She clutched the edges of her jacket sleeves and blinked a few times. She was still there somehow. This must have been a dream. She pinched herself and was still in the same room. She gave her face a small slap, willing herself to wake up if this was in fact a dream, but it turned out it wasn’t. Celeste was there wearing the same floral t-shirt she’d worn so many times before with a sad smile on her face. She’d seen her this way in dreams plenty of times, but she was awake now, wasn’t she? “Kaden,” she breathed out barely above whisper, “Turn around.”

Kaden resisted the urge to question why she had to ask him if she didn’t think it was him. She was just a kid. Sure, she was a werewolf, but sitting on his couch was a teenage girl on the brink of tears, too. He shifted, uncomfortable, not sure if he should offer comfort or just carry on as he was. Things were so much simpler when he just killed werewolves and didn’t let them into his life. Making exceptions complicated the rules. Along with everything else. Sometimes he wondered if his life wouldn’t have been better had he never met Celeste. No. The thought alone felt like poison, guilt seeped through for even considering it. There’s no way that was true. But if that wasn’t true, then it still left him here. Kaden continued to stand there, planned to let her sort out her feelings before jumping in. But then she elaborated. “When you what?” The creases in his forehead deepened as he tried to take on the full weight of what she said. “Hold on, a bunch of wolves knew I was a hunter? Did you tell them? But wait you stopped them from-- They were going to--” There were too many things stirring around inside him. He couldn't sort through the emotions bubbling up. Anger. That was easy to identify. But something else. Hurt? Was that… Fuck it, didn’t matter. Emotions weren’t productive. Answers first. He could figure out how the hell to feel about any of this later.

His fingers dug into his palm as he held his hand in a fist, arms still crossed in front of him, trying to keep it that way. Kaden should just leave her be. Let this interaction end and then keep some distance, not further complicate things. But putain, seeing her like that… His arms fell away and he took a tentative step towards her when she slapped herself. “Ari? Uh, what are you do--” His brow furrowed as she addressed him. “What? Turn a-- What are you talking about? Ari what are you--” He shook his head a little, her eyes clearly looking past him. Right. He slowly, carefully, pivoted on his heel to look behind him. And there she was. “Celeste?” His jaw fell open and he stood in stunned silence a moment. Was she a-- But she was-- She’d moved on. She had to. Right? She had to have moved on. And even then, since when could he see gh-- Kaden stumbled back and tripped over his coffee table and onto the floor as he scrambled away. He cursed and grumbled to himself before saying. “It can’t be. Ari, she-- It can’t be. ...Can it?”

The frustration began to seep in when Kaden didn’t recognize she’d done him a favor. Ariana narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, wanting to fight, even though it wouldn’t make her feel better at the end of the day. Winn would still be dead. Instead, she just grumbled, “No, I didn’t tell them you were a hunter-- I wouldn’t do that to you. Another wolf that you shot wanted to tell everyone. He’s dead now anyway so guess it doesn’t fucking matter.” She really needed him to meet her halfway here. Everyone advised her against having anything to do with him, but she still believed in him anyway. It’d be nice if he could act like she had done him a solid and protected him when that was what she was done, but all of that faded away when he said her name. When he saw that she was there, too. It couldn’t be though, right? Blanche would have seen her before now. If she was hanging around as a ghost, Ariana refused to believe she wasn’t with her so she told herself Celeste was at peace. If that was the case, how was she here? “You see her too,” Ariana questioned in a hushed voice.

Celeste’s figure took a few steps forward and Ariana felt her breath catch in her throat. Everything in her was screaming to reach out. Run and hug her. Do literally anything besides sit here dumbfounded, but she couldn’t shake that this wasn’t real. That if she reached out to touch her, she’d only fade away. All of that melted away when she spoke in the same gentle voice she used so many times before. “It’s me,” she said softly placing a hand on Ariana’s shoulder. It was enough for Ariana to give into the tears that had been threatening to spill over. She nearly left off the couch and into Celeste’s arm, burying her head in her chest and relishing in the familiar feeling of her sister running her hands over her hair. She was terrified to let go, terrified she’d wake up and everything would still be the same. “Shhh, you’ll be okay, Ari.” A few more pats on the head and Ariana finally pulled away. It sounded like her. Her body language was the same, but the question of how haunted her. “How are you here,” Ariana pressed, desperate for answers a not quite ghost wasn’t able to provide. “I’m not sure,” Celeste answered and turned to Kaden. She looked between her sister and her friend, “You’ve both come a long way I see.” She reached out to Kaden now, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder and noted, “Nice bracelet.”

“Don’t get mad at me, I’m just trying to follow what happened! You dumped a lot of shit at once, putain! Like that there was a gathering of werewolves standing around deciding if they should throw my name into a pile to kill me,” Kaden spat back. He paused, pulled his mouth in a thin line and huffed out a breath through his nose. He shouldn’t be lashing out at her. She was upset and angry and falling into it himself wasn’t going to help matters. Still he could feel the pin pricks along his spin and rolled his shoulders back to try and roll away the tension. “I’m not trying to-- I’m just trying to figure out what you’re talking about.” If only he had some of Celeste’s patience right about now. It might do them both some good.

While he craved some help from her, the last thing Kaden expected to see was Celeste’s form. Right there in front of him. Talking to Ari. He wanted to watch the girl’s reaction, see if she noticed anything off, make sure they were on the same page, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from his friend. It didn’t make any damn sense. The creese in his brow deepened as her hand rested on his shoulder. “What? How? You--” He bit into his lip, trying to focus on the pain enough to hold back the tears pricking at his eyes. His eyes followed hers down to his wrist and back. Right. “Thanks.” No. Too late. Tears were coming. Kaden pressed his eyes shut and blinked what he could away. And crazy enough, she was still there when he opened his eyes. It wasn’t possible, right? He’d wanted to see her so desperately for months but now that she was there in front of him, he didn’t know what to say. All the questions he had and conversations he’d wished for faded from his memory. On top of that, he still wasn’t convinced this was real. He pushed himself up and slowly started scooting closer to Ari. Just in case this wasn’t really Celeste. “How do we know it’s you? I mean-- The bracelet. But--” How could they be sure?

There was no chance to explain herself even though Ariana could understand where Kaden was coming from. She couldn’t focus on that with Celeste here. There had been so much that happened in the past few months that she had been dying to share with Celeste. Now that she finally had the chance, she was drawing a blank. She searched for a flaw in her form or body language that would give away a fake, but everything about her was just as she remembered. She was afraid to blink, that she’d open her eyes again and she’d just be gone. Tears were still present in her eyes and it was clear Kaden had a fresh wave coming in, too. Neither of them had expected this, but she didn’t want it to end. “Is it really you? You smell like… well, you,” she murmured, still unsure of this whole situation. This wasn’t possible, right? Impossible things happened in White Crest all the time and she wanted more than anything for this to be one of those things.

Ariana looked to Celeste expectantly who had the same calm demeanor she’d always known. Celeste looked between them and Ariana shifted uncomfortably. Too much emotion was pulling up inside of her. With her gaze finally settling on Ariana, she answered, “You have a jagged scar on your right shoulder from when you fell out of a tree. You were eight and we’d been living in New Mexico at the time.” The memory one was a fond one and she added teasingly, “You refused to sit still as I stitched you up.” Ariana nodded slowly knowing that she never shared this story with anyone else and hadn’t just been thinking about it. That meant it had to be her. “I don’t know how you’re here, but I-- Please, stay,” she practically pleaded. Celeste frowned slightly, “I don’t know if I can, but I’m here now. I know I gave you that bracelet before I… I’m sorry if the arrival was untimely. So what exactly am I interrupting here?”

Every part of Kaden wanted to believe this was his friend back talking to him, some piece of her there to comfort them both. But he continued to inch closer to Ari in case this was all a trick, something fucked up spat out by this town to mess with them. The more she talked, however, the more he felt as if that wasn’t the case. But why was she here as a ghost? And they could see her. It didn’t sit right. At all. But he had needed to talk to her so many times and likely Ariana had even more moments like that, countless most likely. If he wanted it to be real, it was hard to fathom how desperately she wanted-- no, needed this to be true. Pushing aside the appeals to logic came easier every second that passed.

“It’s-- It’s alright,” Kaden said, pushing past the wobble in his voice. “I tried. I really tried to warn you. I’m so sorry, I tried. I saw them. I should have stopped them in that bar. I could have done something and I didn’t--” The words came falling out of his mouth faster than he had a chance to evaluate them. The lump in his throat cut him off and he wiped away the stray tears with the back of his hand. “Sorry, I-- Sorry. You’re just interrupting…” What even was this? He couldn’t say. His glance caught Ariana’s. How could he explain what was going on to the ghost of his dead friend when he didn’t even know. “Ari came to bring treats for Abel. And then we, uh, talked. She had questions. For me.” He was going to leave the rest to the werewolf to explain to the ghost. “But you-- Did you not move on? I was hoping-- I mean I thought you would. Is something wrong? Why can we see you?”

It felt as if her head was spinning and Ariana didn’t feel firmly planted on the ground. More than anything, she wanted this to be real. It felt real and it made her heart feel as if it could burst out of her chest at any moment. Yet there she was, the calm in the storm that somehow sent her spiraling and grounded her all in one fell swoop. Kaden’s admission tugged at her own heartstrings. He blamed himself, too. Reeled over the details of things he could have done differently just as she had these past few months. Her own tears were falling now, though she was failing to come up with the words. All she could bring herself to say in a choked whisper was, “Please don’t go.” Her eyes were pleading and Celeste had given them both softer, comforting looks. One she’d seen so many times before. One she wanted to perfectly etch into her memory so she’d never have to live without it again.

Ariana noticed Kaden kept close to her and she wondered if he noticed something she didn’t. Everything felt so real and Celeste assured, “Everything happened too quickly. This was always going to happen one day. You shouldn’t hold onto what could have been done differently.” Somehow, hearing it from Celeste made her feel a little bit better than she had been. “She’s right,” Ariana agreed even though she knew she’d been blaming herself, too. All she knew was this definitely wasn’t Kaden’s fault. She did want to hear his questions answered though. “I don’t really know. I remember what happened, but I don’t really remember anything since. I think I was? I’m not sure why I’m here, if there’s something deeper going on within the town, but I do know it’s nice seeing you together,” Celeste explained and added, “I don’t know if anything is wrong. I feel okay, but I don’t know how long we have.”

Kaden shook his head, unable to accept what she was saying. If he had just interrupted her mother and that other hunter, made a decision, done something, maybe things would have been different. His inaction had contributed to it all, he was sure of it. That wasn’t something he was going to let go of anytime soon. No matter who told him to consider otherwise. He sniffed and brushed his face with the back of his hand. “Doesn’t matter if she’s right, I’m going to hold onto that until the day I die. You can’t stop me.” Because she wasn’t around to. Ari, maybe. But he at least had age on her as a one up. It was surreal seeing his friend again. He was so sure he never would. Only in sad dreams, mostly nightmares. That was when most of the people he lost came back to him. Only in dreams meant to remind him of the pain. Still, Kaden found himself angling in such a way that he could protect Ariana, defend her maybe. Strange. He rolled his shoulders back and stepped away, just a touch. There was still so much unexplained, unreal, but he was still sure this was somehow Celeste. A part of her, at least. Something that wouldn’t hurt them. Well, not outright at least. He hoped. Putain, all the conversations he wanted to have with her felt stupid when faced with her. He wanted to yell at her for leaving him with so many unanswered questions and no one to go to. Instead, he figured his problems, his sadness, it paled in comparison to Ari’s. “I think you mean it’s weird,” he mumbled before turning to Ari. “But go on. If there’s not much time… It’s yours.”

Kaden had quietly urged her to use her time wisely though she couldn’t quite forget the blame he was carrying when this whole thing was decidedly her fault. There had been countless moments over the last few months that she had longed for Celeste to be there. So she could seek her guidance or show her a new project she’d been working on. Now that Ariana was finally looking at her again, the only thing that seemed to matter was one. “I love you,” she said quietly with tears freely falling, “I miss you so much. All the time. I don’t know what I’m supposed to…” There were so many things she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do about. So many different problems she wanted Celeste’s help with, but if their time was short, those didn’t matter. Every part of her wanted to cling to this moment. She was afraid to blink, afraid to move. She couldn’t lose her. Not again, but the comforting hand on her arm slowed her heart a bit. She even smelled the same. The faint smell of her floral perfume swirled with the aroma of cinnamon that clung to her from her countless cups of coffee. “I think you do. You’ve never needed me to know what’s right, Ari. I wish I could stay, make things easier, but I don’t know if I can,” Celeste assured her in the same soothing tone she always used.

Ariana leaned into her touch and nodded slowly. It was hard to believe she knew what was right when she seemed to be stumbling through life these days, but she’d hold on to those words. She’d tried to remember them when things got tough. As if sensing her distress, Celeste added, “Remember, you’re never alone. Even if I’m not here, you have people looking out for you. I know Winston and Ulf would do just about anything to keep you safe and happy. Even Kaden I’m sure would help if you needed him.” She’d given him a glance as she said the last part. Ariana quickly piped in, “He has.” Somehow it felt important that Celeste knew that and he knew she knew as much. She wished she could just stay. That none of this had to end, but people didn’t just come back from the dead without some serious magic. Nell had implied and offered as much. Words seemed to be failing her in this moment, so she just took Celeste’s hand. She tried to think of happy things to share with her, but was somehow drawing a blank. As she finally thought to tell her about trade school and her job, she heard a choked sound come from Celeste. She looked up horrified. No. This couldn’t be happening. This was every nightmare she ever had playing out in front of her in Kaden’s apartment of all places. The same knife was in her chest again and the blood spilled out just as it always had. “No,” she cried out, “Please, no.” She reached out for her as if she could help, but she faded just as quickly as she appeared and the breath hitched in her throat. Her stomach churned and she was sure she was going to be sick. Her legs felt weak beneath her and she let herself fall to the ground, refusing to look away from the spot where Celeste just was.

Kaden almost felt like he should leave the room, give them a moment. But his eyes couldn't leave his friend’s face, back from the dead. And he knew first hand, if he had more time to talk to his parents… He should walk away. But his feet were firmly planted. And something about this still felt too easy to be true. Still, her voice, just hearing it, even if she wasn’t talking to him, it was almost overwhelming. He had practically forgotten what it sounded like. It was a kick in the gut to think about how quickly things faded, how fleeting memories really were. He knew. He was no stranger to loss. But every time, he stupidly thought it might be different. At the mention of him, however, he looked away, a little sheepishly, catching his friend’s glance at the end. If he had to guess, it looked something like a flash of pride, gratitude maybe. The corner of his mouth pulled up into a small smile.

It quickly dropped as soon as Celeste, or whatever was masquerading as Celeste, started to bleed out in front of them. Kaden reached out for Ariana and pulled her away. He didn’t know what was happening, but he had enough distrust in the whole thing that he wasn’t going to reach out to save his friend. She was already gone. Her sister, however? She was real. He knew that much. And he owed it to Celeste. He owed this much. Still, it was like his hands were gripping something hot after a second; he wanted to drop his grip on her and jump away. That’s what he should do, what with all the feelings of spiders crawling along his back. But he didn’t. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but keeping her safe was more important to him than whatever comfort he felt. Which was stupid but he could chide himself later. Before he could shout anything, fight anything, the vision was gone. Just as quickly as it had appeared. His hand lingered on Ari’s shoulder as she collapsed to the ground. His knees were shaking and he wondered if he was going to join her down there soon. For now, he stood there, blinking. The sight was replaying in front of him every time his eyes shut and open. “That was…” It was how she died. He knew it. “She… She looked like…” Kaden swallowed back the lump in his throat. “It wasn’t her. Ari, I’m sorry. It wasn’t-- She didn’t die again. Ari, it’s--” He didn’t even know what he was trying to say. Because it wasn’t fine. Or alright. And even if it was, he sure as shit didn’t feel fine. He opened his mouth to try and say something else but all he found was air. His hand gripped her shoulder a little tighter as he felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes again. “I’m sorry,” was all he could manage.

Ariana hoped like hell that she would just wake up and this would float away to be nothing more than a quick sting that’d be forgotten as soon as she got moving for the day. The longer she sat there on his floor, the more apparent it became she was stuck with the weighted feel in her chest that kept her glued to the floor. At least if she woke up, it’d feel distant. At least when it happened, there was someone to lash out at, but she was stuck with this feeling now. There was no outlet but heave in breaths that felt entirely too shallow. The only thing keeping her grounded was Kaden’s hand on her shoulder that surprisingly remained there. She trembled on the ground staring at the spot where Celeste stood only moments ago as if by sheer willpower, she could just reappear again. It wasn’t going to happen though and she struggled to catch her breath. Kaden’s words only barely registered in her ears with the pressure building up in her head. “That was how she,” she barely croaked out the words, but knew he could hear her anyway. Knew she didn’t need to bother finishing the sentence.

The edge of emotion was evident in his voice, too, and somehow helped guide her anguish toward anger. Ariana’s fists clenched in her lap though they still shook. Whatever had the nerve to take her sister’s form and put both of them deserved more than her rage. Her breath still continued in huffs and she finally agreed, “It wasn’t her.” But it looked so much like her. Smelled so much like her. Even her words sounded exactly like something Celeste would say and followed the same cadence. It had felt so real and had been ripped away from her again so violently. Maybe she had deserved as much. If she had only been more cautious, Celeste would still be here and nothing would be imitating her. No amount of wishing she had done things differently would change that though. So she sat there, defeated on the floor letting the tears flow freely. She’d been stupid to believe that Celeste could have really been there just like she had been stupid to believe they could just live their lives as normal in one place while the Aquillas had still hunted them. She guessed she was stuck living with both of those things now.

#wickedswriting #conversations with dead people #kaden #grief tw

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impossibletruths · 5 years

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author interview

I was tagged by @ofthedirewolves –– thank you for this chance to talk about myself at length! I appreciate it.

I’m tagging @portraitofemmy @two-crabs @curriebelle @chthonicillness @mischief7manager and @propinquitous, should you be interested, no pressure, etc.

Name: Ari

Fandoms: The Magicians is the big one at the moment. I keep a toe dipped in the Critical Role pond though campaign 2 isn’t doing it for me as much as campaign 1. Rotating backburner fandoms include Dragon Age, MCU, Star Wars, and... other stuff.

Where You Post: tumblr and AO3

Most Popular Oneshot: According to AO3 it’s if you must die, sweetheart, a Percy/Vex fic I wrote... truly so long ago. Wow.

Of the Magicians stuff, which is what I’m having the most fun with at the moment (well... ‘fun’ is maybe not the right word) it’s to help and to hold, a Queliot fake dating AU. There’s a wedding and also Eliot punches a guy; it’s a good time.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: we’re on the road to nowhere (let’s find out where it goes) –– a Critical Role Star Wars AU. Still proud of it.

Favorite Story You Wrote: I’m really immensely fond of forty days to land. Whatever I was channeling when I wrote it still clicks for me, and being the sucker for overwrought imagery that I am the storm/shipwreck metaphor is one of my favorite things.

How You Choose Your Titles: Pick a god and pray. (Song lyrics and lines from poetry, mostly. Things that sound right. It’s about the cadence.)

Do You Outline: Sometimes. Mostly it’s all in my head, but when stuff starts getting too big I’ll put it down on paper. It’s never that detailed; more like a laundry lists of beats I’m trying to hit in a rough order. If I’ve written a future scene I might outline the in between bits just so I know how I’m getting there.

Complete: I have 91 works completed on AO3. I’d guess I have roughly another hundred oneshots floating around tumblr, between here and my Critical Role blog. Lots of prompt fills. And we won’t talk about the stuff on fanfiction.net.

Coming Soon/Not Yet Started: Current WIPs that may be finished soon-ish, I hope, fingers crossed, are:

a Queliot bookstore AU

a post s4 AU recovery fic revolving around baking

More long term I have:

a WIP called “Julia deals with it” which is about Julia processing the events of s4 while going on a solo roadtrip, sort of

an untitled WIP about Quentin grappling with how to deal with the loss of the escapist magical world that saved his life not because it’s gone but because it’s real and the reality has eclipsed everything about it that he held on to in order to survive (sort of a darker and distant cousin to the second hand unwinds and also a follow up to the speech in 4.12 because I don’t know how you can bring up that question then kill off the person asking before you get the chance to fully explore all that nuance). It involves long distance pining and wearing your s/o’s clothing even though you’re not actually dating and in fact he’s in the fantasy land that has sort of broken your heart, but given that he’s also broken your heart maybe it’s better that way, y’know?

and a broad selection of “here’s how Quentin Coldwater can still win” rescue/resurrection-style fix-it fics focused on different relationships (Eliot & Julia, everyone & Q and also everyone & each other, and Alice & Q respectively)

Even more long term I’d love to muck around with a dark!Eliot AU, something involving haircuts, something (or multiple somethings) about the realities of the Fillorian monarchy and the unpleasant parts of running a country, and an Inception AU yes in the year of our lord 2019 please don’t @ me.

Do You Accept Prompts: Clearly the answer to this is yes because @coldwaughtered keeps providing me with fodder and I keep accepting.

But um usually only when I reblog a prompt list or ask for them. I love getting prompts but it can be overwhelming and I end up feeling obligated to fill them, and much as I love writing for other people doing that all the time is a good way to burn myself out.

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited To Write: Writing is going Not So Great at the moment and I don’t feel all that excited about the act of working on anything, to tell the truth. I’m looking forward to being finished with the baking thing––it feels like it has good bones and I think I’ll feel better about everything once I manage to tie up, well, anything.

#writin stuff #from the writer's desk #fic stuff or whatever #tag game #long post //

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aglayalilich · 5 years

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on some horror movies

a few months ago i got to see midsommar and though it didn’t quite do to me what hereditary did i thought it was a very compelling movie...shortly after, though, i was able to see the 2018 version of suspiria and wowwww did i feel some ways about that movie. i felt at the time that the two went very well together. so my friend invited me to see the director’s cut version of midsommar this weekend (still very interesting, though i felt the final cut was the right choice) and i decided i would also watch suspiria again and take notes on both. because i

wanted to articulate more why these movies work so well as a double feature for me, beyond ‘ah yeah there’s some girls dancing in it’ though certainly the role of dance and the climactic dance scenes are a part of it. there’s this structural similarity too in the final ritual acts. but like i was saying, it’s more than just a similar aesthetic. in fact the aesthetics are really in contrast, with suspiria’s bright red on desaturated colors versus midsommar’s blue and white on very lush, saturated backdrops. though they also do something similar with how color begins creeping into the character’s clothing in midsommar and of course many people have already talked about how the iconic red begins to creep into suspiria culminating at the end. really drastically different cinematography style also, midsommar is full of these long empty lingering shorts, all this wideness and slowness while suspiria is fast cuts, sudden zooms, races fromt he point of view of one character to the next. (sidenote: both have this GREAT visual language of mirrors, suspiria has the mirror room and dance studios and characters refracted a hundredfold, great for questions and multiplicity of identity. midsommar has a couple of really great scenes where one character is talking to another character but the second character is standing out of the shot and only visible in a mirror. ahhh so good. in general i wouldn’t say the effect of either movie is fear so much as disorientation--reflections, refractions, inversions. physical spaces impossible for the audience to navigate. images that the audience cannot arrange chronologically. i love it) anyway. this isn’t an essay so it is unstructured. i took about 10 pages of notes during my second viewing of midsommar and i can only understand about half of that because it was dark as fuck in the theater but i would like to at least ATTEMPT to give form to what i was feeling. comes down to 3 core similarities.

1. i read both of these movies as about abuse in communities that are supposed to be ‘safe.’ the community is a relief from trauma/abuse/horror of the outside world. there’s also a strong emphasis on the familial nature of this community. important to note that the community is genuine, it is not wholly a falsehood. it has a motivation beyond doing evil for evil’s sake, it may even believe the evil is necessary for the care of the community. this is a close and poignant topic for me, and i assume for other people as well, so it’s compelling to see it addressed in horror. it can be a great relief to see something as the subject of horror--that is an acknowledgement that it is horrific. a confirmation, an understanding, and sometimes through the resolution of the movie we can find stories that help us work through this.

2. both mostly focus on the horror of endurance rather than the horror of ending (death) which is a big thing for me in terms of my horror preferences. while i love some iconic monsters and killers ultimately the idea of ‘what if a fucked up thing killed you’ is just not actually that scary for me. what is scary for me is, yknow living in a state of unspeakable agony.

the olga scene in suspiria (you know the one) is a perfect example of this. every time you think that scene is about to be over it keeps going. and keeps going. the character is hurt but never killed, contorted impossibly, injured beyond the realm of what the human body should be able to endure but she is still alive. even when the scene finally comes to an end she is still alive! hard for me to articulate this scene if you haven’t seen it--i am very pleased and excitable about body horror and it was still rough for me purely because of how long it feels. in a sense this scene doesn’t even really end because much later during the climactic scene of the movie she is still fucking alive and has been in this state for the entire duration of the movie.

with midsommar it’s less of a body horror angle and more...dani living with all her pain and grief. but it’s done physically as well--being killed suddenly is not so horrible as being kept alive, the climactic horror is about a very prolonged, painful death. the dance scene doesn’t take it to suspiria levels but there is still a sense of the participants having no choice of when to stop, but simply must keep going in exhaustion until they cannot.

3. i really love how both of these films show pain (and other emotion) evoked through motions and breath. this one is harder to articulate. you know a lot of the time in a movie you will see an act of violence but it’s pretty...shallow, it’s just the image of violence, it has no weight to it. you don’t feel it. not so in these movies. it’s hard for me to articulate exactly how a piece of media goes about accomplishing this or not but often it makes the key distinction between things i think are just fine and things i really love.

these two have a really particular way of showing pain. in a very literal sense, there are incredible portrayals of bodies in physical pain. but there’s also dani’s raw screams of grief at the end of midsommar’s intro (and at other points throughout the film.) she is in too much pain to speak, all she can say is no, the leaked script describes it as ‘it’s so intense that it looks painful, dangerous even.’ on a slight digression i often feel like i dont love ari aster the way a lot of people do but the thing i really truly do love and am awed by is the portrayal of this raw horrible grief pain in his films. it is so horrible it is very difficult for me to see and that is a little part of why i can never watch hereditary again. but anyway

sometimes pain robs us of thought and of language. (the movie knows this, the aforementioned prolonged painful death at the end of midsommar is one in which the character involved cannot move or speak). at a certain point it cannot be articulated through words. so these characters, the films themselves, articulate their pain (both physical and cosmic) through dreams, sighs, movement, screams.

sometimes pain seems too much for any one person to bear. this is when the movies come back around to the topic of community. both films emphasize the community as a body, made up of the individuals who serve as its cells or organs. when one part is hurt, the whole body feels the effects. more than that, the things too big for one human to possible feel are instead taken up by the community, felt by the larger body. volk is danced by one body, expressing the feeling not just of its creator but of the body. in midsommar we see the community take on in unison the feeling of one member, dancing or screaming as one (though i’ve seen different takes on whether this is to positive or negative result.) the body is formed and expresses itself through motion and breath, the dances, the sighs, the rhythmic exhalations which are all both precise and instinctive.

there is also something more i can’t say here about...not pain but the desire for someone to understand your pain, the desire for true connection.

i tried a few times to write about why this is a topic i fixate on but it didn’t feel right. to summarize ill just say that i struggle deeply with the ability to express pain.

now, on horror and the working-through of trauma...i said earlier that it is compelling to see these topics addressed in horror. horror is the main genre of any media that i enjoy and though i like other things, i don’t generally seek out anything that doesn’t have some inclination towards horror. this has always been the case but grew more true the more, uh, fucked up my life became, and i find it generally the best mechanism for thinking about (and not necessarily but sometimes coping with) grief and trauma and pain in all its forms. other people have written extensively about this, articulated it better than i could, there’s not really a need to get into it further than that.

but i’m thinking about one thing i’ve seen recently...(actually two things, firstly, some posts that seems to imply horror movies never tackled trauma before ari aster started directing which is just...quite a take, quite a take.) it was shots of ending scenes from a few horror movies, including hereditary and midsommar and also suspiria...i think the vvitch also and maybe also possession or something you know all the movies bitches with ptsd love (i’m bitches.) shots of the protagonist’s faces in the ending, a certain expression both rapturous and dissociated. there was something in the way i saw some people respond to this that made me think a lot...i think the idea that through great overwhelming trauma we can reach a point of ecstasy, or total transformation, is a very compelling story. it is something i have wished for often or even believed will happen--that there will be a certain point at which it really is too much and beyond that will be something different. some rapture that you will reach. not necessarily something positive but something that isn’t pain, that is beyond pain and horror. the idea of reaching divinity through great suffering is nothing new of course. but.

the true horror of endurance is that this is not going to happen. there is no point at which there will be absolution or ascension. the mirror does not shatter. it just keeps going. when you think this is the limit, it just keeps going.

the nice thing about movies is that they have a structure, and though they might leave you altered, they do end, the screen goes black. comfort of darkness, relief of endings. a sigh...

at least, that’s how i feel right now.

#this is based in my own experiences and mood and is not meant to be telling people how to feel or any kind of formal analysis #just trying to shape a feeling out on paper!

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strongheartmaid · 5 years

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Tale as old as time [teaser section]

AN: well, not so much as a teaser as part of the “we’re finally in Greece after spending an ungodly amount of time in southern England trying to figure our next step (that and unpacking who’s who and who’s dating who)” plot. Very much in progress as I’m constantly adding or reworking sections because I’m fussy with my writing. And yes, there is a reference to a particular Disney cartoon involving hockey-playing ducks. (Because, I like murdering canon like that)

“Everyone in one piece?" Lise called out to the girls as they finally found themselves in Sanctuary. The travel there had been brutal - Hera's Cosmos had altered it just enough that it had been sheer torture just trying to get in. Various calls of confirmation settled her nerves, but only just managed to do so. She still had to fight down the queasy, uneasy feeling of the wrongness that had settled into this holy place. (It was currently making Death Queen Island feel like a charming little vacation spot - of course, she planned on *never* saying that within Ikki's presence. That was something that would have the others wondering if she had a bit of a death wish). Alala glanced about before spying what she thought was a Saint in the distance, her eyes narrowing ever so slightly. "So, think Hera's been watching Isle of Lost Souls again?" she asked, turning her gaze to Ciri, a look of something swimming in their depths as she thought about what she would love to do to Hera. "Isle of.." Ciri started, her voice trailing off as she tried to recall why that movie title sounded so damn familiar. She promptly shot a stink eye at Alala once she recalled the movie in question - not one of her favorites. "Really? And if you must name the movie, it was Island of Lost Souls, Alala." "Are we really discussing horror classics from the nineteen thirties right now?" Eira asked as she peered around, trying to find something to get her bearings so she could go find the Temple of the Golden Ram. (And here she groaned - she really hated the cutesy names the temples of the Golden Saints had. What was wrong with just a simple "Temple of Aries" or "Temple of Virgo"? But no, Athena had to have titles like "Temple of the Virgin" and "Temple of the Golden Crab".) "I'll take the old horror classics over the more modern blood, sex and gore trite crap," Ciri answered. "I'll take horror tropes for two hundred, Alex," she teased Lise, knowing the other's fondness for that particular trivia show - and she knew enough not to even try to play against her when they were watching it. If Lise knew the category, she'd answer every question on the board. "This trope is commonly used by the cast to their complete detriment because bad things tend to happen to the heroes when they do this," Lise said absently, trying to send a pulse of her Cosmos to alert her lover, her soulmate to her being there. "What is splitting up?" Ciri asked, earning a slight but strained chuckle from the rest of the girls. "Please tell me you really aren't suggesting that we do just that," Rhosyn opined. She paused a moment when she saw Ciri's face and let out wearied and fully exasperated sigh at that. "You are," she said as she pinched the bridge of her nose, a pained expression crossing her features. Why was she getting the feeling that this was going to be a bad move to end all bad moves? "Quickest way to find the boys," Ciri said. "Send a pulse of Cosmos out to let us know once you found them," she continued. "Sounds like a viable plan." "A viable plan would be sticking together because we have no idea what the temperament of the Saints would be right now," Althaia countered, trying to act as a voice of reason - even if she knew she probably wouldn't be entirely successful at doing so. "I mean, for pity's sake, Shiryū's probably a dragon if Hera used their Cloths as the basis for her curse. Which means some of them are probably generic beasties because they don't have a specified animal, like Saga and Kanon for example." "Actually," Lise said, slanting her gaze towards Althaia, a thoughtful expression crossing her features, "because Kanon did a stint as the Sea Dragon Mariner, and since Saga is the Golden Saint of Gemini, ergo twins, so it's possible that it impacted the curse in such a way so that both twins are probably cursed to be sea dragons. But, this is just a guess, mind you." "Okay," Ciri said, holding up her hand in the shape of a t, capturing everyone's attention. "Before we go much further, let's try and figure out what we're looking at. If we go with the aforementioned theory that the curse pulls on their Cloths, that means Hyōga's a swan, Mū's a ram, Saga and Kanon are probably sea dragons if we go with Persephone's theory, Aphrodite's a fish and titans know what the curse has done to Shun." She slanted a Look at Eira. "Don't you even dare to start humming any music from Swan Lake." Eira just smiled, her pale emerald eyes twinkling with sheer mischief. "Nope, I was going to hum the theme from that one Disney cartoon Hyōga got me hooked on." Ciri gave her a flat stare as she quickly recalled which cartoon that had been. "Those were *ducks*," she said slowly, not quite believing that she was even having this particular conversation. "Ducks, Eira, quack quack, not honk." "Anthropomorphic alien ducks that played hockey and fought alien lizards," Eira said, chuckling. "Oh, to have been a fly on that wall during the pitch for that series." "Getting back on track," Lise said, crossing her arms over her chest, glancing between the small group. "As much as I hate the idea of splitting up to look for the boys, Ciri did raise a good point. We can cover more ground if we split up. There's six of us and twelve temples, that means we cover two temples a piece." She took a small steadying breath. "All right, Eira, you'll take the temples for Aries and Taurus. Rhosyn, you'll take the temples for Pisces and Aquarius. Althaia, you'll take the temples for Sagittarius and Capricorn. Alala, you'll take the temples for Gemini and Cancer. Ciri, you'll take the temples for Libra and Scorpio. I'll take the temples for Leo and Virgo. Sound good?" The girls silently looked amongst each other and as one nodded. "Good luck and Godspeed," Lise said as she began the slow trek to where the temple of the Holy Lion or whatever the hell of a fancy title Athena gave it was - after this, she was never going to complain about her husband's realm again, at least that didn't require her to climb a gods be damned mountain! Leo came before Virgo in the zodiac so she was hopefully bound to run into the Gold saint, Aiolia, first. A minor wince crossed her features as she realized that meant he was probably half lion and half man due to the nature of Hera's curse. Well, hopefully more man than lion but her luck was never that good.. Of course, she just had to jinx herself as a raging cosmos was fast approaching. She barely had time to call on her sacred cloth in defense before it was upon her. She raised her staff in a defensive pose, barely keeping the being from landing on her before it leapt backwards, landing in a crouch, looking all the world to be getting ready to pounce again. She took a steadying breath, keeping her staff grasped tightly in her hands, her knuckles turning bone-white with the strength of her grip. She swallowed harshly as she studied the being before her - both lion and man in some unholy mixture. Well, at least she had found one of Athena's eighty-eight Saints, or rather one found her in this case. "Leo Aiolia," she said, her voice calm and steady despite herself, "stand down." The beast cocked his head as he stared at her before he slowly settled down. "You're not Hera," he said, his voice rough, raspy. "I'm not sure if I should be insulted at being thought of as my aunt," Lise muttered under her breath. "No, not Hera. Lise DeAvaon," she said, "or Persephone. I'll answer to either." She shrugged slightly, her eyes watching him to see what he would do next. She sent a small pulse of Cosmos to Ciri, alerting her to the fact that she found one of the Saints but not to come just yet. She needed more information before she'd drag the other girls to her location. "You came by yourself?" Aiolia asked, tilting his head in the other direction. "No, I'm not that insane to think I could handle however many Saints that have been afflicted by Hera's curse on my own. There's five others with me," she said, giving a small huff. "Which others?" Aiolia asked, still studying her - unused to seeing Athena's sister in her Holy Cloth, or rather, unused to seeing Athena's sister period. It was rare that she ever ventured into public like this, preferring to operate behind the scenes - which was probably one reason that Shun (or Hades, whichever, it was still hard to wrap his brain around that little fact - some year, he was going to have to have Mu sit down and explain it to him in terms that he could clearly understand) adored her. "Oh for the love of grandmother Rhea," she groaned softly. "My older sister Artemis, Rhosyn, Eira, Alala and Althaia." Aiolia gave her the flattest look he could manage given his new facial structure. "Eira. You brought Eira with you." "Well, she is Mū's girlfriend, which is something we still wonder how the bloody hell happened," Lise answered with a mild shrug. "And she's bonded so she felt his Cosmos change so you really think she wouldn't be coming?" Aiolia just stared at her. "Woman," he began slowly. "Think about her sense of humor for a moment. Now, look at me. Need I say anything else." Lise blinked a moment, her mind running over what he just said and what she knew about Eira. "Oh no," she groaned, burying her face in her hands. "I am so, so sorry, Aiolia." He reached over and patted her head. "I'm surprised she hasn't already started with the jokes." "Well.." Lise said, her voice trailing off for a moment. "She did threaten to hum the theme to the Mighty Ducks cartoon." "The what?" Aiolia blinked, confusion in his gaze. "You never watched Disney cartoons?" Lise answered, arching an eyebrow ever so slightly. Aiolia blinked a moment, trying to wrap his brain around what Lise was getting at and immediately groaned when he remembered catching an episode when he was visiting Hyōga during one of the rare quiet moments before another Holy War would begin. "Hyōga's a fucking swan. He go honk not quack." "Wow, that is frighteningly similar to what Arty said," Lise said, amusement lacing her words. Aiolia cast his gaze heavenward. "Lovely," he said. "So, moving on. The girls all right?" he asked, tensing a moment as he felt something approach. "As all right as one can get when your bonded one is currently appearing to be a petting zoo person," Lise answered, her pale gaze drifting about, trying to figure out where the new pulse of Cosmos was coming from. "I make no promises of not swatting at Eira if she makes one Lion King joke," Aiolia said, stepping slightly in front of Lise in an attempt to protect the young goddess from the impending threat - he couldn't quite get a good read on the Cosmos with his condition fouling things up. "What about Kimba, the white lion then?" she asked innocently, batting pale blue eyes. "We do not talk about Kimba," he snarked. He let out a minor relieved sigh when he saw who it was. "Well hello, lunch," he said, his voice full of innocent teasing. Aphrodite merely raised one hand and then one finger in response to the teasing. He peered around Aiolia to spot the young goddess that was being hidden behind him. "That's not Athena." "Her younger sister, which you should have remembered," Lise huffed, sticking her tongue out at the Pisces saint. "I only helped hook you up with Rhosyn. She's here by the way." Aphrodite was grateful that his changed appearance meant she couldn't tell how badly he paled at that pronouncement. "Here? As in here in Greece or as in she's actually in Sanctuary?" "Well, she's supposed to be checking out whatever fancy name 'Thena gave the temples of Pieces and Aquarius," she said, shrugging slightly. "And I know, I know, I already got lectured from Aiolia about bringing Eira with me." Aphrodite felt his left eye twitch. "That woman is a menace to one's sanity." "That woman's dating Mū, and she's worried about him." "I still want to know how the hell that happened," Aphrodite muttered. He had always thought Mū was married to his job as both Gold Saint to Athena and as the Cloth Blacksmith - but well, that theory had been all shot to hell when he accidentally (well, maybe not so accidentally - he had planned on dragging Mū with him and the others to lunch) entered Mū's temple and found him with Eira. There was not enough alcohol in the world to have dealt with those scarring mental images. "You and just about everyone else," Lise said, idly shrugging. "But that's neither here nor there at the moment." Aphrodite's expression softened as best it could and he made his way over, placing a hand on the young mortal goddess's shoulder. "Truth now, how you holding up?" he asked gently, concern welling up for the young woman. Lise swallowed harshly, the tears finally streaking down her cheeks as she finally broke - something she hadn't been allowing herself to do because she knew she had to be strong for the others. "Barely." Aiolia glanced at Aphrodite and the two shared a silent conversation, ending with Aiolia nodding and sending a small burst of his Cosmos towards where he knew a particular Bronze was hiding.

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the-first-date · 4 years

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A conversation with Madison Leigh Mumma [22/NB/Cincinnati]

Madge Maril: Hello! How are you today?

Madison Leigh Mumma: Hi! I'm great, how are you?

MM: Doing OK! For those that don't know you (and your work), can you tell us about yourself?

MLM: Sure! I live in Cincy, just graduated with a BFA, and for the most part consider myself an artist. I recently realized that I actually have no desire to go back to school so now I'm just working in coffee and saving up money to move. Oh, also, my pronouns are they/them! And I'm a Pisces!

MM: Oo, were you planning on going back to school before? And move where?

MLM: Yeah, I was dead set on going into critical theory and getting a PhD, but it took a break from academia for me to realize that it exhausts me way too much to be healthy. I'm thinking east coast, maybe Providence or Hadley??

MM: Well I don't know what critical theory is and I don't know where Hadley is but I have heard of Providence!

MLM: It's very broad! I think I was mostly attracted to the idea of arguing and criticizing for a living.

MM: Pisces!!!

MLM: EXACTLY.

MM: I love it.

MLM: With an Aries fuckin moon, lmao. Constant combat.

MM: WOW. Rising?

MLM: Also Pisces!! Pisces Sun, Rising, Mercury, and Venus.

MM: Omg, that's so intense — what's it like for you?

MLM: Like you said — VERY intense. I'm either 0% or 100% and that can be... a lot. But I think it's exciting to feel everything as much as possible, too!

MM: Said like a true blue pisces. OK so seamless transition: What do you wear on the first date? And follow up: Do you think it's reflective of your sign?

MLM: I usually wear a lot of black and let my accessories do the talking — so on a first date I'd probably wear a trusty black velvet shirt, high-waisted skinny jeans with a cool belt, and Docs. I'm very superstitious and a heavy believer in luck so I'd be wearing aquamarine and maybe some red jasper, dagger earrings, and a pin or two. I think that makes sense as a Pisces — I have a solid base but otherwise can be pretty fluid.

MM: What do aquamarine and red jasper have to do with luck?

MLM: Aquamarine symbolizes courage, protection, and is meant to enhance communication (and it's my birthstone!). Red Jasper is the stone of ~empowerment~, I actually started wearing it because a friend told me it reminded them of my "fighting spirit.”

MM: That's so interesting. And I've seen your dagger earrings on IG before I think! Where did you get them, and what do they mean to you?

MLM: My friend gave them to me as a gift! I like that they're elegant but still a little spicy. They feel like they go with the jasper in that respect — like there’s beauty in self-protection and putting yourself first.

MM: Completely agree. And it goes with the black outfit, too. Why a black shirt?

MLM: Black seems very secure and calm to me, plus it's always flattering and the velvet elevates just a liiiitle above a T-shirt.

MM: There's a lot of emotion in your outfit. What are you typically feeling on a date, if you can make it generic?

MLM: I have to be fairly comfortable talking to somebody before I go on a date with them, and I'm very selective about who I spend my time with. So at that point I'm usually really excited to see if there’s any **spark**.

MM: That's so opposite from me lol. When I'm single, I just like to go out and ~experience.

MLM: Ahh sometimes I really wish I could do that! I mean, I COULD but I think it goes back to the Pisces/emotions thing. I exhaust myself so fast!

MM: How so, if you don't mind me asking?

MLM: Well, I tend to daydream a bit so I build up my ideas of strangers around their potential instead of what I know to be reality, and that can spiral real fast. I actually deleted Tinder this summer and made a sort of romantic vision board to break that habit.

MM: Tell me more about this mood board.

MLM: It's basically an incomplete list of things that are valuable to me in a partner, and things that I can't/won't compromise on. A couple of examples are like, being considerate and independent. Also, you can't be a cop lover. In the past I've just been attracted to people that make me beg for their affection because it feels like I'm winning something, but that high isn't sustainable or worth it! Having a physical list keeps me accountable.

MM: My mom actually told me to do the same thing when I was looking for a partner! So you have her sage wisdom behind you. I imagine it helps you reality check during the infatuation stage? Like oh, they're cute but they do XYZ and I promised myself that's a no-go.

MLM: Aw yay!! YES definitely, that actually just happened this past week. I had a crush on someone I don't really know and realized I actually just like the attention.

MM: God, preach. And also like, that's a deep thought, and kind of a hard one to unpack. How did it feel to realize that?

MLM: Honestly, really good and kind of relieving! It took a lot of conscious effort to get to this point and it was like "A-HA! I am not a slave to my impulses! Incredible!"

MM: I'm envious that you were able to realize that all right out of college. I feel like post graduation was my most murky, in-my-own-head time, especially romantically.

MLM: It was definitely rough. I went sober this January and I don't think I would have been able to make this much personal progress without that. Once I made that change it kind of had to be all or nothing.

MM: Congratulations on your sobriety!!

MLM: Thank you!! ❤

MM: I've done periods of sobriety, but had long-term partners for all of them iirc. What's being on the dating scene like when you're not drinking? I really can't imagine it.

MLM: It definitely slims down the pool, lol. I didn't realize how much of my social life involved drinking before, and I'm not currently in a place in my sobriety where I could be involved with somebody who drinks. That plus the fact that I deeply enjoy alone time has meant I go out way less. But I'm a lot kinder and intentional in the interactions I have now and generally enjoy myself more so I think it all balanced out!

MM: You know, I don't think I've ever heard someone say they really enjoy alone time. I think most people tolerate it at best. With so much changing and blossoming internally, do you think how you present yourself to the world through your personal style has shifted, too?

MLM: I relish it! I think my style has become slightly less chaotic, maybe a bit more monochrome. This sounds super corny, but now that I've gained some self-confidence and am more stable I don't use my clothes to speak for me, hahaha.

MM: It's not corny at all!! I've been ruminating on that lately, too. I used to look in my closet and think of it as costume pieces.

MLM: Yesss!

MM: Also I'm now realizing it's been like almost two hours somehow??

MLM: Time is not real!

MM: I'll wrap this up so you can get back to your evening! Do you have any social media/online places you want to shout out for people to follow?

MLM: Ooh yeah! I run @groundscoresofficial on Insta, and post my art at @chaoskewpie! You can find my personal through either of those but I mostly post cats and my roommates, ha. Thanks so much for having me in your online space :^))

MM: Thank you for coming to hang out at the digital pad!!

#first date #fashion blog #style

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gdelgiproducer · 6 years

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Kunze on “Tanz”: StoryArchitekt Q&A section, Vol. 9

(Most of the questions in this section date from the 2009 revival era or the time immediately following. All translations are rough, and anybody who knows the language better can feel free to correct me, especially with the answers.)

Q: Dear Mr. Kunze, two questions about Tanz der Vampire’s run in Hamburg. According to an interview with Maik Klokow several years ago, Tanz der Vampire was a flop in Hamburg. This surprised me, as the Hamburg production ran longer than most which fit the “classic” definition of flops. From your knowledge, can you confirm Maik Klokow’s statement? Secondly: in Hamburg, an alternate entr’acte was played for a few months at the start of “Totale Finsternis.” Why did you make that change and then revert to the original version? After all, it’s a bit unusual to “try out” such changes during the actual run of a production without making the choice in advance. Thank you and best regards from Hamburg! A: I cannot confirm that Tanz der Vampire was a flop in Hamburg. The addition and deletion of pieces of music and scenes is the rule rather than the exception in productions of my musicals. I always try to make improvements. This doesn’t always work, and so a change is reversed again. (source)

Q: Dear Mr. Kunze, can you tell if the Viennese or Stuttgart production of TdV will come to Berlin in November? Best regards. A: After Berlin comes the Stuttgart production. (Note from translator: is it just me, or does it seem like he misunderstood the question? I think the questioner was asking whether it would be the “new” or “old” production, design- and staging-wise, that would play in Berlin, not which production would follow the Berlin run.) (source)

Q: Hello Mr. Kunze, a little question: I don’t know if I’m mistaken, but recently I saw Tanz der Vampire in Stuttgart and thought I noticed something strange. In the scene at the end of the first act, the passage “Dieser Schwamm ist für mich...” (etc.) was cut, and they kept going onward from “Wer jung ist wie du...” (etc.) As a result, the place where the Count says “Das Ziel deiner Sehnsucht ist dir näher als je!” was also missing. Later, however, Alfred refers directly to the now-missing line. Was this inserted elsewhere and I missed it, or is there some mistake? A: It’s not a mistake on your part, it’s a clumsy edit to the Act One finale. (source)

Q: What do you think of Ethan Freeman as Krolock? Do you see him as a possibility for Berlin? A: Ethan is one of my favorites. I have no idea if he’ll audition for Berlin, but he would be a great Krolock. (source)

Q: Hello Mr. Kunze! A question about Tanz der Vampire in Vienna. Quite recently, VBW reported that TdV operated at 95% capacity this year - nevertheless, according to Mrs. Zechner, the show will still close on June 24. The VBW seem to me - probably because there’s less diversity - to plan for a bit longer run than, for example, theaters in Germany. Is a celebration of the show’s 20th anniversary in 2018 (which would explain the announcement of good audience numbers in Vienna) already being discussed? Of course, this will take a few more years - but could that be the justification behind closing the show now rather than a possible short hiatus until resuming for its anniversary in 2018 (as similarly occurred with Elisabeth)? And a small question about Berlin: are you working on changes for TdV - or will it be the same as performed in Stuttgart? Thank you and best regards. (Translation of parts of this question was very hard. Any input would be appreciated.) A: That’s very clever and far-sighted thinking, but such considerations haven’t played a role. Tanz der Vampire was not extended again, despite its great success in Vienna, because we wanted to quit while the show was still on top. A lemon can be squeezed to the last drop, but that should be avoided in theater. In Berlin Tanz der Vampire will be performed in the proven Stuttgart version. (source)

Q: I wanted to ask again how it looks for the proposed movie musical of Tanz der Vampire? Is the project realistic or rather unlikely? I would very much like to see it as I am thrilled by movie adaptations of musicals (Mamma Mia, Phantom of the Opera, Hairspray...) Kind regards, Stefan A: The film project is not entirely unlikely, but has not yet entered a phase of finalization. There are only intentions and considerations. (source)

Q: Hello Mr. Kunze! A question about portraying the role of Alfred in Tanz der Vampire. Depending on the performer, he is now played in a range anywhere from timid and shy to pretentious and silly. Without wishing to rank cast members: the current German first-stringer, Krisha Dalke, for example, plays a sometimes silly Alfred, who - it seems to me - competes with the Professor in their scenes together for laughs and punchlines, and in some scenes a forlorn Alfred, who “apes” the Professor and not as an authority. Even the alternates in Germany perform the role differently than the main cast. Depending on the performer, one may see the more “classic” Alfred (as I saw in Aris Sas and also in Fredrik Wickerts and Alexander Klaws), who starts rather anxious and finds his courage over the course of the piece. Now, personally, I find it more “dangerous” to put so much of oneself into interpreting the role that it shakes the piece’s emotional framework. I’ve recently seen a performance of TdV that, compared to many I’ve seen previously, veers too far into comedy, and in some scenes the Professor and Alfred in fact seem to battle for the comic focus, blurring their roles. How do you feel about that? Are such interpretations done with your approval, and if they sneak in, isn’t this recognized by the show’s artistic director and, if necessary, corrected (or even encouraged)? I look forward to your feedback and thank you very much for this. Best regards. A: Only very rarely do I have creative control of ongoing productions, and so I’m not familiar with many of the new performers or replacements. In each production, the resident director is who pays attention to continuity. I can’t comment on the portrayals described in the question because I’m not familiar with them. (source)

Q: Hello Mr. Kunze! A sentence in the casting notice for Tanz der Vampire in Berlin reads “The last season of the vampires in Germany.” Can you confirm this? Greetings and many thanks! A: I can only say that at the moment no further performances are planned. That can change at any time. (source)

Q: You once said that you identify most closely with Elisabeth and Krolock. How much of yourself do you put into your characters? Does every character have a piece of “Michael Kunze” in them or are some of them really different in character from you? (P.S. Thank you for your great musicals! Your lyrics and stories are always a great source of inspiration for my own plays!) A: Hard to say. I write my characters “from the inside out.” So I put myself in it and try to do it without prejudice. But I admit that I succeed in some characters better than others. (source)

Q: Dear Michael, Recently I was made aware that in the ballroom scene it says “Wir die ewig leben, verzehrt die Such nach frischem Blut” instead of “uns.” I was surprised that I’d never noticed. Have you? :) A: Seriously? How could I overlook or ignore this? Embarrassing. (source)

#tanz der vampire #tanzblr #tanz network #Dance of the Vampires #Dans der Vampieren #vampiru no dansu #le bal des vampires #Vampirok Balja #vampiiride tants #Vampyyrien tanssi #ples upírů #ples upirov #bal vampirov #Jim Steinman #Michael Kunze #Roman Polanski

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purplecatterpiller · 6 years

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Not All Monsters Part 3

Sam X Reader

Warnings: Talk of Abuse, violence

Summary: After paying a visit to Aris and Dan things don’t go as planned. As a result, Sam and Dean must find a way to help Aris without dragging her too far into the world of monsters.

Author's note. Thank you all so much for reading! Please feel free to leave a comment, it would be much appreciated.

When Dan looked at the seemingly lifeless body before him dropping his gun he raced forward but before he could get to her Sam was already holding her. Rushing out the door he did his best to be careful as he placed her in the back of the Impala. Dean had taken out his own gun, pointing it at Dan as he tried to run after them.

“Back off El Chapo!” Dean fired a shot at the ground as he jumped into the driver side of the car. “What’s going on back there Sammy!”

“We need to get her to Cas. She’s losing blood fast.” Sam put pressure on the wound but it didn’t seem to make a difference.

Speeding away from the scene, they could hear sirens coming up behind them. Only stopping after the cops pulled into the apartment driveway. Cas then suddenly appeared in the passenger seat looking over at Dean than to the back seat. Blood covered the seat, Sam’s arms, and the girl who was unconscious, moving like a rag doll every time the Impala turned. Looking to Dean with confusion as they pulled into the Motel, Sam took Aris in his arms rushing her into the room and laying her on the bed.

“Can you heal her?” Dean asked.

“I believe so. What happened I thought you were just going to talk to the man.” Cas placed his hand over the gunshot wound.

“Turns out the man remembered Sam,” Dean stated watching out the window for any sign that a police car may be headed their way. “Wasn’t too happy about it, aimed at Sam got Aris instead.”

A gasp came from Aris' lips, her pale skin regaining their color. Both the cut on her hand and bullet wound were gone, however, her eyes remained shut, her body motionless other than her chest rising and falling slowly. Everyone waited on edge for other signs of life. It wasn’t normal for someone to remain unconscious so long. However, after what they witnessed her go thru they could see why she may need some extra time to rest. Checking for a pulse Sam sat on the bed, brushing a few loose strand of hair from Aris face.

“Aris you need to wake up.” Sam wished he could do more for her.

“Her brain is trying to process what has happened, it will be awhile before she regains consciousness.” Cas stated plainly. “Maybe you should change.”

Looking down at himself Sam could see how much of mess he had become in such a short time. Blood was covering his shirt and arms. If Aris did wake up while he was dressed like this she might just run away out of fear. Turning to his brother he nodded, as if to say don't worry I got this. Cas watched Aris for a moment then moved back toward her.

“What are you doing?” Sam asked before closing the bathroom door.

“She's covered in blood. Shouldn't we change her?” Cas looked at Dean

“No!” Both brothers echoed. While Cas had been around them for a while he still managed to forget about personal boundaries occasionally.

The room was dark as Aris began to regain consciousness. With eyes still shut she felt her heavy body move slowly against the soft sheets, the pillow making her neck feel stiff. She must have had a nightmare. It wouldn’t have been the first time she dreamed about Dan killing her in cold blood the number of times he had waved that gun in her face, or had been drunk enough to point it at his own head. It was just a dream she told herself moving slowly into a sitting position. But as her eyes adjusted the small fragment of light began to illuminate the room that was clearly not hers.

“She’s awake.” A rough voice said from the side.

Aris froze looking over to see a man in a trench coat, the same man she’d seen from the bar. Turning to follow the sound of someone yawning, she saw Dean on another bed. Then looked down next to her, Sam sat only a few feet away. A light came on blinding her for a moment, then her eyes readjusted again, this time on her own shirt that was covered in blood a hole torn in the stomach. Her hands reached up touching it gingerly at first, then almost prodding looking for the wound she knew had to be there. Panicking now her hands began to shake violently still looking for something that should have been there but there was not even a scar left.

“Calm down you're ok.” Sam reached for her hand as they shook.

“He finally killed me.” Letting him take her hands, she looked like a deer in the headlights, eyes fixed on Sam’s. “I’m dead.”

“No, your not. In fact, you are probably in better health than you’ve been for a long time.” Cas stated, catching Aris attention.

“But he shot me in the stomach, there is blood on my shirt!” Taking her shirt in her hand she held it out. Then looked around again taking in the room.

“If you were dead we wouldn’t be here. And do you really think the afterlife is some cheap motel?” Dean rubbed his face trying to wake up.

Aris shook her head, it wasn’t possible for her to be alive. “He killed you too! I can’t be alive! Please! Please tell me I’m dead!” She broke down wailing, shaking her head wishing that it wasn’t true.

“I’m sorry but you want to die.” Dean looked at Sam who was just as confused as he was.

Trying to control herself again, she took a shaky breath, only to fall apart again. “If I’m not dead that means I have to go back. I can’t please don’t make me go back!”

Sam touched her shoulder trying his best to comfort her, only made her pull away jumping as if electric shock tore through her. “No one is going to make you go anywhere you don’t want to go. You’re safe here .”

Still terrified she looked at Sam who once more sent a reassuring calm over her, His trusting eyes letting her know he meant what he said. “He’s going to find me he always does. It doesn’t matter if you say I am safe, He will find me and kill you and I will have to go back!”

“Woah, Slow down. No one is going to kill anyone.” Dean stepped forward. More interested in now than he originally had been.

Aris looked at Dean then back to Sam, still unsure of who to trust but hoping against all else that they were being honest. “Dan will kill you all when he finds me here. I have tried to leave before but always ended up having no choice but to go back. He has scared away all my friends, and I have no family around. My sister lives two states away. And even if I went to her, he would come after me. Last time I left he shot our dog, told me if I did it again it would be them if I ran there. If I ran somewhere else well they would be next. Please, you don’t understand he is a monster. I am nothing but property to him.”

A knock sent Aris into panic mode, while the trio mentally readied for a fight. Aris simply held her breath as waiting for shots to start pouring in through the windows. Cas opened the door, on the other side was a couple of police officers guns at the ready. An older male looked past the men to Aris who was still covered in dried blood. Then looked at the men who looked just on edge as he was.

“Everyone on the ground now!” He ordered charging in the room, followed by two others. “Ma’am are you ok?”

Aris unable to move knowing that in a case like this she was more at risk than ever. The officer kneeled down on the back of Sam’s shoulders trying to handcuff him. Meanwhile, Dean was shouting about being FBI. Cas did as he was told and remained quiet. The officer said something else but the words didn’t register. When his hand made contact with her shoulder trying to stand her up and take her out of the room she pulled away.

“He’s going to kill me don’t make me go back, please! He’s going to kill me!” She shouted.

Pushing the officer away, he only worked harder to hold onto her, grabbing her around the waist, pulling her from the bed. She thrashed kicking at him, reaching for anything she could to keep herself in the room. With the sudden commotion, the other officers looked away dropping their guards on the men. Sam and Dean took the chance, grabbing the guns from the officers, creating a power shift as Aris kicked the one after her in the face knocking him to the ground. Running to the bathroom she locked herself inside.

For a moment it was uncertain how things would play out. If there was back up chances were there would be standoff however in the small town it wasn’t likely. Instead of a standoff Sam and Dean held the officers until Cas was able to retrieve a pair of fake FBI badges from the Impala’s trunk. Handing them to the officers the tension dissipated, instantly a mutual level of respect came between the men and the officers. However, even after officers insisted that everything was ok Aris remained hiding in the bathroom.

“What is the FBI doing here? I didn’t hear anything about a case.” One of them questioned Sam.

“The bureau is trying to keep it quiet. It would be much appreciated if you didn’t go around letting anyone know we are here.” Sam did his best to cover up the truth.

“So the girl? Her boyfriend said you guys came in shot her and took her body away. Obviously, she’s ok.” He rubbed his jaw where she had kicked him.

Dean came over interrupting as the other officers left. “That man was drunk as I’m sure you took notice off. He fired his weapon at us when we came to question him. We took her out of there for her own safety.”

“And the shirt?” he asked indicating the red stain maybe less than innocent.

“Ketchup.” Sam said. “She broke a bottle while we were leaving the apartment.”

Seeming satisfied with the answers they left without another word. Only offering to do what they could if anything comes up. When the door shut, they relaxed, looking toward the locked bathroom door. Each of them trying to figure out how much of a hole they had dug themselves into this time. Monsters they were used to dealing with. It was easy, find the monster who was killing the innocent people, Kill it or them, Move on. Monsters didn’t usually have a paper trail, or family, or anyone asking questions. It was rather straightforward. Even when things did get complicated, the monster was dead and they knew everyone was safe. This, however, was fairly new ground. They were dealing with a human this time. And someone who was more than traumatized by the time she had spent with this human

“Can we just kill him?” Dean asked.

“I’d like too,” Sam said walking to the door. “They are gone, they won't be back unless we call them. It’s ok to come out.”

Hugging her knees to her chest Aris didn’t want to move. She was safe behind the bathroom door, it was locked and as far as she could tell these three seemed to know how to fight. Maybe if she didn’t say anything time would stop and she wouldn’t have to face the world. However, it was unlikely that that would ever be the case.

“Are you positive they won't come back?” She whispered.

“I promise.” Sam smiled, the kind you can hear in person's voice.

The door opened slowly, Aris peeking out as if to make sure the coast was clear before reluctantly joining the odd trio. Noticing the FBI Badges on the table, the names did not match the ones that they had given her. More than anything else Aris knew how to read people and something about these men told her that while they meant well they were not who they said they were. Their mannerisms while that of individuals that had face many difficulties also did not match those who would be working in law enforcement of any kind.

“Who are you guys?” Feeling vulnerable Aris wrapped her arms around her stomach where the wound should have been.

“I’m an angel of the lord, these men are my charges. They hunt monsters.” Cas spoke before Sam or Dean could even open their mouths. Dean elbowed Cas trying to get him to shut up.

At this point between having survived being shot, the fake FBI gang, and the fear she felt at having to go back to Dan, she wondered how much of the line they would have to cross before she felt unsafe around them. Nodding slowly, she backed against the wall wanting to keep everyone where she could see them, including the door, incase anyone else thought of joining them.

“You’re serious. Did you bring me back?” With wide eyes, she began to reevaluate the men in the room. Angels were good right? So did that mean after all these years her prayers were being answered.

“Yes.” Cas wasn’t one for small talk or lies.

“Thank you. But why do you have FBI Badges?” She was beginning to feel light headed. Absorbing all the information was overloading her system.

“It just comes with the territory sweetheart.” Dean shrugged cocky as ever.

“Like you do this for a living, find people, and save them before they die? I don’t understand.” Here words babbled together like mush.

“Kind of. It’s more complicated but nothing you need to be worried about.” Sam did his best to recover trying to keep her trust. Hoping that she wouldn’t push the subject further, at least not now.

“So what’s going to happen now? If those cops talk to Dan he’s going to be here in less than a hour. And I really can’t handle that right now.” Aris held her head pushing back a migraine she felt coming on.

“How about breakfast then? We need to check out anyway. We’ve got a friend over in Sioux Falls that might be able to do help you more than we can.” Sam suggested.

While packing Sam managed to find something that could pass for a decent outfit for Aris. It was one of his flannel shirts but it was so long it looked like a dress on her, thankfully it covered the blood on her pants as well. Cas also managed to remove the blood from the back seat, making it look almost like new.

Sitting in the back of the Impala Aris was afraid to say anything. There were so many questions running through her head, however, she was so used to not having a say in anything or being shot down or criticized every time she spoke. It was strange to be in the company of others who seemed to really care. Dan had pushed everyone away for so long speaking to or having a normal conversation felt like a foreign language. Overwhelmed, she found herself staring out the window, disassociating again. Only coming to after her name was said for the third time and Cas touched her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying,” She looked to Cas but he wasn’t the one talk.

“Do you need to call anyone to let them know you're ok?” Sam asked his eyes watching her from the mirror.

“I don’t have a phone.” She shrugged looking back out the window.

“Here just take this one it’s an extra.” Dean reached backhanding her an old burner phone they no longer used. “Just uh, the screens cracked so yeah.”

“Thank you. Do you mind if I call my sister?” She knew they didn’t but once more old habits forced her to ask permission before calling. “Sarah? It’s Aris.” She bit her lip trying not to cry. “No no I’m ok…. He’s not here. Or I’m not there…. Yeah I did. I miss you so much… I love you… Tell Ron I love him and aunty hopes he had a happy birthday….. Please be careful… I will… Yes… I need to go but just wanted to let you know. I love you so much. I’ll call you again when I get somewhere safe…. I love you.”

“When was the last time you spoke to your sister?” Dean asked trying to keep Aris from crawling back inside her shell.

Aris looked to the at them then away quickly guilt filling her cheeks with a rose tint. “Three years. Family was a weakness for me. Dan didn't like that.”

All three of them in that moment seemed to see the evil that had been done to this woman. Her family and loved ones taken away. Her voice stolen, her sense of self-torn down so far, that she seemed unable to interact without having to play a game of mental chess to decipher whether a risk was worth taking. In some way, they could each relate to the reluctance she had for fear of leaving her family at risk. But how long had she sat in silence, constantly pushed to the edge with no one to turn too? Alone with someone who held no sympathy or kind word for her. What had happened in those past years that sparked such despair, causing her to become so hollow.

“When this is over you should go visit her.” Turning in the front seat to look at her Sam smiled kindly. Encourage her to speak freely.

She had a twinge of a half smile on her face for a split second, then it was gone again. It was the first sign she had given them that not all hope was lost within her.

#spn #sam winchester #dean winchester #Cas #Spn Fanfiction #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #Sam and Dean #Jody

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empiregalaxy · 7 years

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Dying Men, Priests, Samaritans & Ill Intents in ASOIAF

There was a man. He was traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho when he was set upon by men of ill intent. They stripped the traveler of his clothes, they beat him, and they left him bleeding in the dirt. And a priest happened by saw the traveler. But he moved to the other side of the road and continued on. And then a Levite, a religious functionary, he came to the place, saw the dying traveler. But he too moved to the other side of the road, passed him by. But then came a man from Samaria, a Samaritan, a good man. He saw the traveler bleeding in the road and he stopped to aid him without thinking of the circumstance or the difficulty it might bring him. The Samaritan tended to the traveler's wounds, applying oil and wine. And he carried him to an inn, gave him all the money he had for the owner to take care of the traveler, as the Samaritan, he continued on his journey. He did this simply because the traveler was his neighbor. He loved his city and all the people in it.

(What the hell does that mean?)

It means that I'm not the Samaritan. That I'm not the priest, or the Levite. That I am the ill intent who set upon the traveler on a road that he should not have been on.

One of my favourite moments in ‘Daredevil’ comes from the end of season one. It’s where Wilson Fisk, explains to a security force his story using a theological allegory. It’s effective, and meaningful. Fisk decides that he is the ‘ill intent’, not the Samaritian. It means alot for the show, for Wilson Fisk and the overall arching themes. It also reminds me of ASOIAF in a way.

We can establish the characters in his story includes

The dying man / traveller

The priest (who does nothing)

The Levite (who does nothing)

The Samaritan (who is a force of goodness, and helps the dying man)

The ‘ill intent’ (who is the reason why the man is dying in the first place)

So, who is who?

THE DYING MAN

Well, the first character to come to mind for the ‘dying man’ is Sandor Clegane. Not only do we have a scene of him physically dying in The Riverlands

She did the gash in his thigh first, then the shallower cut on the back of his neck. Sandor coiled his right hand into a fist and beat against the ground when she did his leg. When it came to his neck, he bit the stick so hard it broke, and she had to find him a new one. She could see the terror in his eyes. "Turn your head." She trickled the wine down over the raw red flesh where his ear had been, and fingers of brown blood and red wine crept over his jaw. He did scream then, despite the stick. Then he passed out from the pain. (Ch 74, ASOS)

Sandor’s also -left- to die. I don’t think, metaphorically Arya is the ‘ill intent’. (I’ll discuss her later in this meta). My focus here is on Sandor, and how he morphs into “The Gravedigger” (or if we are going by the show- “the broken man” identity). I think Sandor Clegane is rather suicidal and he is definately suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Whilst having those don’t make you ‘dying’ it does make you vulnerable. To quote Thoros Of Myr, ‘ Sandor Clegane was a man in torment.’

Travel also plays a huge role in his arc- from the King’s Landing location in ACOK to The Riverlands in ASOS / AFFC. Travelers, historically- can be naive and prone to being taken advantage of. I think this also applies to Sandor.

Another part of Sandor Clegane’s arc is dealing with the apathy of others- in this case, the ‘priests’ and ‘levites’. Joffrey and Cersei treat him horribly, and it’s Sansa, who is one of the very few people who try to reach out to him. There isn’t much indication in the first two books that Sandor Clegane had a strong relationship with The Faith Of The Seven, in fact he’s rather cynical about it. So overall, I think Sandor is the Dying Man. There’s a huge vulnerability to his character and I feel as if he is the best fit.

Another would be Bran Stark. Not only has he had trials and faced ‘ill intents’- from being pushed from the tower by Jaime Lannister, to having his family die and be seperated from the living members. He’s also travelled alot- and by A Dance With Dragons, is incredibly upset and even suicidal. The hospitality he gets by the Children Of The Forest is coded as rather spooky, untrustworthy and mysterious (hence the paste theories) and beyond The Wall is something out of a horror show, but it could be interpreted as Samaritan-like hospitality. Bran doesn’t encounter many travellers on his journey- not as many compared to the likes of Brienne and Arya. So that’s why I’d pick Sandor Clegane as the best example.

Theon Greyjoy, is a good fit in my opinion. The ‘ill intent’ is obviously Ramsay. Not only is Theon brutally tortured, but also deals with a degrading identity of ‘Reek’. He encounters many people who do nothing and do not care that he is being abused- numerous northern lords, for instance. They are the ‘priests’ in Theon’s arc. Is Theon dying? The cold is absolutely frightening, and his arc could take numerous directions. He’s a character who I feel is marked for death and sincerely believes he is going to die... only to find he will live.

A good female example for the ‘dying man’ would be Jeyne Poole. In a similar situation to Theon. An exception is that people are more invested in the abuse Ramsay is showing, but there is glaring ‘but’. People only care because Jeyne is “Arya”- Ned’s valiant daughter. Would people care for Jeyne if she had no disguise? That’s a rough question GRRM poses. And yeah, I think the answer would make us all uncomfortable.

PRIESTS & LEVITES

They both seem to be interchangable, and bare similarities. They both leave the Dying Man to die, and any attempts at pity ring false as they do not fully help him. Here apathy is a theme in ASOIAF, and also a theme in history, “when good men do nothing” (heavily discussed in a Post World War II-world). There are some instances of priests / levites

Lysa Arryn, her doing nothing in the War Of Five Kings

Kingsguard to Aerys II and Joffrey Baratheon

Barristan Selmy also considers the position of ‘knights’ (in particular, kingsguard) to have a role in general apathy

I took Robert's pardon, aye. I served him in Kingsguard and council. Served with the Kingslayer and others near as bad, who soiled the white cloak I wore. Nothing will excuse that. I might be serving in King's Landing still if the vile boy upon the Iron Throne had not cast me aside, it shames me to admit. But when he took the cloak the White Bull had draped about my shoulders, and sent men to kill me that selfsame day, it was as though he'd ripped a caul off my eyes. That was when I knew I must find my true king, and die in his service..

I think quite highly of Barristan in alot of regards, because he overcomes his apathy and qualms, in order to dedicate his life to something higher. So he is a good aversion to the ‘priest’- in Barristan’s version, he helps the dying man. He reflects quite frequently on him ‘doing nothing’ in his chapters in A Dance With Dragons:

He had seen things it pained him to recall, and more than once he wondered how much of the blood was on his own hands.

This also brings up a great philosophical question: if you leave the dying man to die, and he dies- is that blood on your hands? I think ASOIAF gives a clear answer - yes, it does. The series is about characters overcoming it, and becoming better citizens.

So who are the -straight forward- Priests & Levites in ASOIAF, besides Lysa Arryn? I’d also suggest Meryn Trant, who does not care, full stop.

Other men might have cursed her, warned her to keep silent, even begged for her forgiveness. Ser Meryn Trant did none of these. Ser Meryn Trant simply did not care.

But he could also be argued as the ‘ill intent’. Apathy is ugly, and does mean ill. Pretty much: anyone who turned away from the suffering another character experiences is a ‘priest’.

This is also clear in the arc of Sansa Stark. She is not a ‘priest’- she is quite kind after all, yet her arc is stacked with people who appear to care, yet don’t really. There’s the Tyrells in A Storm Of Swords, (I think Margaery isn’t a bad egg- but her cousins don’t really get a flattering description), Pycelle, Kevan and Lancel Lannister who have no issue doing actions that are tyrannical. Same could be said about Arys Oakheart, and all the times he strikes Sansa. Sansa herself is rather interesting, but her arc deals alot with ‘ill intents’ and ‘priests / levites.’

I’d also expand on Pycelle to be a Priest / Levite. His apologism for Lannisters has always been ridiculous, and then there is the part of him being okay with Daenerys Targaryen being murdered.

Yet I ask you this—should war come again, how many soldiers will die? How many towns will burn? How many children will be ripped from their mothers to perish on the end of a spear? Is it not wiser, even kinder, that Daenerys Targaryen should die now so that tens of thousands might live?

Therefore- we can establish that the major priests / levites of the story include Lysa Arryn, Meryn Trant & Pycelle

THE SAMARITANS

These are motivated by love and kindness. I love this part of the story, because I can think about just how awesome some characters are. You’ve got Sansa Stark, saving Lancel, Ser Dontos and just being her badass, kind self. You’ve also got Arya, who gives water to men in need to aid, you’ve got her standing up for the unfortunate and smallfolk. Not many people read the Stark sisters narrative as a Samaritan story, but it’s something to consider.

Others include- Brienne Of Tarth, Meera Reed, Edmure Tully, Podrick Payne, The Elder Brother and in the show, Ian McShane’s character Ray also fits. The whole thing about being a samaritan is that it’s usually at the expense of something. You are risking something huge, like your life or it comes at a large cost. The Samaritan in the story ‘gives all the money he had’. When Brienne Of Tarth is on her quest to save Sansa, she risks her life

I will never stop looking. I will give up my life if need be, give up my honor, give up all my dreams, but I will find her.

If the ‘soiled knights’ are priests / levites, then ‘true knights’ are the samaritans of the story. Brienne also goes on to say

Young or old, a true knight is sworn to protect those who are weaker than himself, or die in the attempt.

Brienne is probably my favourite example of a Samaritan. She, and Podrick risk so much for the quest for Sansa. It’s more than an oath- it’s love. Without getting all gushy, it’s hard to not be moved by these acts of pure selflessness.

THE MEN OF ILL INTENT

These characters are the reason why the problem exists in the first place. Why the man is dying. And this is for the villains of ASOIAF. Think Ramsay Bolton, Euron Greyjoy, Cersei Lannister, Gregor Clegane, Joffrey Baratheon. ASOIAF actually gives us a depiction of ‘men of ill intent’ and no one, fits the mould better than the men that Tywin Lannister employs. And that includes Gregor

Your Mountain stole my harvest and burned everything he could not carry off. He put my castle to the torch and raped one of my daughters. I will have recompense.

and in A Game Of Thrones, Gregor Clegane and his men on Tywin’s orders- sack the Riverlands. There are also the atrocities at Harrenhal, which Arya and the smallfolk experienced

A young mother with a pox-scarred face offered to freely tell them all she knew if they'd promise not to hurt her daughter. The Mountain heard her out; the next morning he picked her daughter, to be certain she'd held nothing back. The ones chosen were questioned in full view of the other captives, so they could see the fate of rebels and traitors. A man the others called the Tickler asked the questions. His face was so ordinary and his garb so plain that Arya might have thought him one of the villagers before she had seen him at his work. "Tickler makes them howl so hard they piss themselves," old stoop-shoulder Chiswyck told them. He was the man she'd tried to bite, who'd called her a fierce little thing and smashed her head with a mailed fist. Sometimes he helped the Tickler. Sometimes others did that. Ser Gregor Clegane himself would stand motionless, watching and listening, until the victim died.

I think if the Samaritan story had to take place in an ASOIAF location- it’d be The Riverlands. No location is more perfect. The Riverlands have suffered so much death and heartache. Therefore, Gregor Clegane fits the mould (quite) well. As does Tywin.

Tywin Lannister was as much fox as lion. If indeed he'd sent Ser Gregor to burn and pillage—and Ned did not doubt that he had—he'd taken care to see that he rode under cover of night, without banners, in the guise of a common brigand. Should

The ‘men of ill intent’ can also include the people who give the order. So Tywin and Cersei make a whole lot of sense in being included.

JAIME LANNISTER

Now onto the controversial topic: Jaime & Redemption. I know, it’s been discussed to death but here is my perspective (and how it fits in with the Samaritan story)

Jaime is an interesting aversion. He’s all five. His arc could be interpreted

He’s been in a state of mental and physical distress- when he loses his hand in A Storm Of Swords. This is described in depth, what this loss meant for him

"Jaime," Brienne whispered, so faintly he thought he was dreaming it. "Jaime, what are you doing?" "Dying," he whispered back. "No," she said, "no, you must live." He wanted to laugh. "Stop telling me what do, wench. I'll die if it pleases me."

(...)

The days and the nights blurred together in a haze of pain. He would sleep in the saddle, pressed against Brienne, his nose full of the stink of his rotting hand, and then at night he would lie awake on the hard ground, caught in a waking nightmare. Weak as he was, they always bound him to a tree. It gave him some cold consolation to know that they feared him that much, even now. Brienne was always bound beside him. She lay there in her bonds like a big dead cow, saying not a word. The wench has built a fortress inside herself. They will rape her soon enough, but behind her walls they cannot touch her. But Jaime's walls were gone. They had taken his hand, they had taken his sword hand, and without it he was nothing. The other was no good to him. Since the time he could walk, his left arm had been his shield arm, no more. It was his right hand that made him a knight; his right arm that made him a man.

Jaime, although his mental and physical health has improved, has experienced a stage of being ‘the dying man’. He’s also been the ‘ill intent’ in the lives of Bran Stark (as we all know, pushed him from the tower). You don’t have to like Jaime’s actions throughout the series. You don’t have to be okay with Jaime’s actions. The story of the samaritan is not about making excuses or apologizing. What I do think Jaime’s arc is about- is overcoming apathy.

Jaime has also been the Levite / Priest. This is when he was Kingsguard to Aerys II Targaryen.

The sight had filled him with disquiet, reminding him of Aerys Targ-aryen and the way a burning would arouse him. A king has no secrets from his Kingsguard. Relations between Aerys and his queen had been strained during the last years of his reign. They slept apart and did their best to avoid each other during the waking hours. But whenever Aerys gave a man to the flames, Queen Rhaella would have a visitor in the night. The day he burned his mace-and-dagger Hand, Jaime and Jon Darry had stood at guard outside her bedchamber whilst the king took his pleasure. "You're hurting me," they had heard Rhaella cry through the oaken door. "You're hurting me." In some queer way, that had been worse than Lord Chelsted's screaming. "We are sworn to protect her as well," Jaime had finally been driven to say. "We are," Darry allowed, "but not from him."

Jaime struggles with being in an apathetic position- I don’t think he likes being a Levite / Priest who does nothing. He in fact, calls out Meryn Trant on his apathy

"Ser Meryn." Jaime smiled at the sour knight with the rust-red hair and the pouches under his eyes. "I have heard it said that Joffrey made use of you to chastise Sansa Stark." He turned the White Book around one-handed. "Here, show me where it is in our vows that we swear to beat women and children."

So we can establish Jaime has a firm relationship with Priests / Levites- they disgust him, he doesn’t want to be one. I think Jaime has trauma from Aerys reign, and that influences him.

Now, the Samaritan part. Oh this is controversial. Like Brienne, this links with his quest for Sansa Stark and his relationship with Brienne Of Tarth

"I told you, I will never serve . . . " " . . . such foul creatures as us. Yes, I recall. Hear me out, Brienne. Both of us swore oaths concerning Sansa Stark. Cersei means to see that the girl is found and killed, wherever she has gone to ground . . . " Brienne's homely face twisted in fury. "If you believe that I would harm my lady's daughter for a sword, you—" "Just listen," he snapped, angered by her assumption. "I want you to find Sansa first, and get her somewhere safe. How else are the two of us going to make good our stupid vows to your precious dead Lady Catelyn? The wench blinked. "I . . . I thought . . . " "I know what you thought." Suddenly Jaime was sick of the sight of her. She bleats like a bloody sheep. "When Ned Stark died, his greatsword was given to the King's Justice," he told her. "But my father felt that such a fine blade was wasted on a mere headsman. He gave Ser Ilyn a new sword, and had Ice melted down and reforged. There was enough metal for two new blades. You're holding one. So you'll be defending Ned Stark's daughter with Ned Stark's own steel, if that makes any difference to you."

Part of being a samaritan is about sacrifice, and here is where I think Jaime’s arc becomes crucial: at the end of his arc in ADWD, he goes off with Brienne under the presumption that Sansa will be killed by Sandor Clegane. This is a meta for another time (because this is getting really, really long) but I feel as if Jaime could potentially have a role in the War For Dawn. That he’d put aside the allusions of ‘knights’ and actively do the right thing. This is not about redemption, but about being a better person. Like I said, you don’t have to like Jaime’s actions- I just think the five characters in the story of the dying traveller is interwovern in his arc.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Okay, this got long. I just think ASOIAF is a text that is covering themes that are rather biblically epic- the scope of good and evil, and how man reacts to it. What I liked about the Samaritan story is just how real it felt. It reminds me strongly of ASOIAF, and I hope I made that clear.

#asoiaf meta #sandor clegane #jaime lannsiter #brienne of tarth #ramblings #oh boy this is long #*fingers crossed my comments about jaime are okay*

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