#so they say some rather concerning things without giving any context for it

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 131

Okay, so first of all Dan would like to say it’s not his fault. Ellie was the one to bring some unknown object into the speeder and Jazz was the one driving. Or had Sam been driving- didn’t matter! It wasn’t his fault, he wasn’t the one shooting at them, he wasn’t the one to break whatever, he was not the one to open a stupid portal, and so it wasn’t his fault! 

So why is he now like, five years old, and why is the speeder crashed in some sort of corn field. Why is everyone- except for Jazz whose now like six- also like three at most?! And- oh fuck the door just opened and… okay that’s a kid. Like, nine at most. 

A kid and an adult, who he hadn’t noticed at first so again, it’s not his fault if he hissed at them and tried to hide his not-siblings behind him. It’s also not fair they’re apparently stuck to ghost speak for who knows how long, but at least they can understand the people. 

“Martha, get some blankets, it’s happened again!” 

#dcxdp #dpxdc #prompts #What is up with the Kents cornfield that a spaceship with alien children has crashed there twice #Clark: Omg am I an older brother now?? What does an older brother do?? #He's going to be so excited when the kids start flying too #Clark: I have eight whole siblings now! #The Kents will end up the most experienced couple in raising superpowered children #Clark: This is Jazz and Dan and Tucker and Danny and Sam and Valerie and Ellie and I love them #The Kents now have two ships hidden on their property lol #and a green glowing dog of some sort that came with one group #the phamily actually get to be kids and don't Have to be vigilantes or are parentified or anything and it's... actually kind of nice #It's peaceful #Ellie definitely doesn't hide the fact she's a clone #They're very limited when re-learning how to talk human language again #so they say some rather concerning things without giving any context for it #not that it isn't concerning even with context anyway lol #Ma and Pa kent nearly cry when they hesitantly ask if their names can be kent too #Clark cries when he goes to metropolis because the kids all cling and try to get him to stay

[nyancrimew]

Sorry, it was unfair of me to send that to you without proper context since you might not be aware of these issues. Irredeemable media refers to any thing with a creator or content  that is harmful and/or bigoted. Of course every piece of media has problems, but irredeemable media is when those problems cannot be ignored and are an indicator of someone's beliefs. 

For example, Harry Potter is irredeemable media because every one knows that JK Rowling is a transphobe, but some other piece of media like Twilight would not be considered irredeemable because even though Stephanie Meyer has done some bad things, they are not as widely talked about, so someone who posts about Twilight on here isn't completely likely to be a bigot, but a Harry Potter blogger would. Also, I know the "to be cringe is to be free" people like your blog, but a lot of the time, what is considered cringey on here is actually based on what is irredeemable. No progressive person or reputable blogger genuinely makes fun of My Little Pony fans any more, however plenty make fun of Hazbin Hotel fans and the such because that content is irredeemable and shows someone's beliefs. So usually, a piece of media being considered embarassing to like on here usually indicates that it is irredeemable.

As for why the other pieces of media are irredeemable, Hazbin Hotel is made by a woman who has many well-documented accusations of bigotry against her and has drawn zoophilia art, not to mention how her work leans into stereotypes about gay people (having a gay man character be a sex addict, a lesbian be named after the female body part Vagina, etc.) or at least that's what I've heard. Attack on Titan is created by a known fascist and many illusions are made to nazi imagery and nationalism in the anime. Captive Prince has a racist premise that sexualizes slavery and non-con. 

People can tell you that liking irredeemable media doesn't say something about who they are, but that's fundamentally false. If someone is uncaring enough to still post openly about these types of media, it's clear they don't care enough about not supporting bigotry. Yes, even if they don't give money to the creators, because they are still willingly exposing themselves to bigoted or harmful content and enjoying it.

The previous ask was not meant to be accusatory. Rather it was meant as a concerned question. Believe it or not, there are still some users on here who indulge in these pieces of content, a few of which hide behind the excuse of being part of a minority (Black, trans, whatever) or simply deny how bad their media consumption is to escape accountability. I wouldn't want you associating with those types of people and have that ruin your reliability on this website.

Hopefully this ask has educated you more on these issues and you'll be able to spot irredeemable media in the future and block it out.

incredible essay, you get a C for Creativity

#im just gonna assume this is high effort bait

[diedikind]

thrown off by this change in the revised version of tgcf

the context is that since xie lian went to catch hong hong'er during his god-pleasing warrior performance, someone had to be punished for it, and the options are: 1. xie lian faces confinement or 2. hong hong'er loses one of his senses.

xie lian argues that he's done nothing wrong, so he refuses the first option. mei nianqing guessed this of him, so he ordered people to take hong hong'er away before xie lian can react and to stop xie lian from saving him. and that's when xie lian relents and says fine i'll choose option 1.

a little thrown off because if it were the old xie lian, he probably would be adamant about creating a third path rather than settling for one of the two. i was trying to figure out the point of this change.

well, first of all, this isn't really a one-cup-of-water-two-people type problem since one of the options concerns xie lian himself. so perhaps the point here isn't that he chose one of the two paths but that he chose to sacrifice himself.

the second thing is xie lian didn't actually end up facing confinement because as soon as they shut the door, hong hong'er screamed and attracted a plethora of evil spirits, which caused so much chaos that xie lian ran outside to check what's going on. then afterwards everyone just sorta forgot about his confinement and mei nianqing said you know what, just go and slew some eight hundred demons. so xie lian chirpily said "see, there is a third path!"

(still feels a little iffy because A. xie lian still chose one of the two options even though the result is that he didn't end up stuck with any of them and B. xie lian wasn't the one who created this third path as it was offered to him by mei nianqing)

anyhow, i'll try my best to find a coherent explanation.

as i mentioned in another meta, xie-lian-catching-hong-hong'er-causing-the-mask-to-fall-off symbolises how hua cheng's existence was part of the reason why xie lian's different from jun wu. if we apply the same logic here, then hong hong's presence enables xie lian to choose the third path.

additionally, this scene gives xie lian a reason to believe that the third path comes easily and is very attainable. since mei nianqing just offers it to him like that, the scene adds to the seventeen-year-old crown prince's "privilege" and naivety. it fleshes him out a bit more and builds to his character growth arc of going from someone who claims "heart in paradise" even without having experienced "body in abyss" to someone who truly achieves "heart in paradise" even after experiencing "body in abyss".

(finally, side note on hua cheng losing one of his senses. i thought this was new but it actually wasn’t — thank you to the person in the comments for pointing it out. i suspect it would be his sight if they had actually gone through with it, adding another layer of meaning to hua cheng digging out his own eye almost as a tribute to what xie lian chose here.)

#xie lian #tgcf #heaven official's blessing #hua cheng #hualian #mei nianqing

[gffa]

what do you think would have happened if the jedi had found out anakin was married pre-rots? would he be forced to leave/choose one over the other? are there any circumstances, even one where he was a completely different person, under which anakin would be able to marry padme and remain a member of the order, and if so, what would the consequences of that be (i.e. what would it look like)?

It's such an interesting question because we really know so little about the Jedi worldbuilding, the only two things I can really even think of that talk about it are : - Padme’s incredibly off-hand mention of how Anakin would be expelled if the Jedi found out about their baby.  What’s the context of this, where did she learn this?  Is Anakin the one who told her?  Because I have some Doubts about Anakin’s reliability on these things, considering that he also has shown an unwillingness to accept Jedi philosophy, according to Lucas.  Anakin, who thinks the Council hate him, may be thinking in extremes and wouldn’t even consider that they’d try working with him. - George Lucas gave a talk at Celebration one year and the subject of Jedi giving up marriage was talked about, where it ties into their willingness to be selfless, to be willing to give up everything (because life is impermanent and transient) when the time comes.  They love people, but they cannot hold onto them--and I think the way he’s framing it is that marriage should be selfish, if you’re going to make that commitment. But he doesn’t say anything about Jedi being expelled for it, just that it’s something they give up.  And given how we see Anakin actually breaking a ton of rules or getting into trouble in TCW and never, not once getting in any significant trouble for it, I think the Jedi would very much be willing to sit down and talk about this. For me, I think, yes, he would be asked to choose and, if he refused to, that’s a huge sign that he’s unwilling to follow the Jedi way of selflessness and a willingness to accept their duty to the galaxy, rather than personal concerns, that he could very well get someone killed because, in a crucial moment, he would choose his own feelings over his duty.  The only other time Anakin is threatened with expulsion is in exactly that kind of context--when he was willing to put his fear for Padme above his duty to help end the war before it even started, when he was willing to jump out of that plane on Geonosis rather than go face Dooku, it showed that he was tempted to put all those lives at risk for his own feelings.  Even Obi-Wan points out:  What would Padme do?  She would do her duty, Anakin grudgingly admits.  Because, in Star Wars, that duty is important.  Because, in Star Wars, that’s how the narrative of the story works.  That’s the themes we’re working with here. Is there any universe in which he could remain married and stay a Jedi?  I did once read a fic where Anakin was given the option to remain a Jedi, but he would never achieve the rank of Master, he would never be promoted beyond Knight, and iirc that he would never be given certain types of missions and I liked that fic a lot, it really worked for me.  I think he’d have to be willing to accept that and I’m not sure if he would, but without Palpatine’s influence, in a universe where Anakin was allowed to actually spiritually grow without Palpatine constantly urging him to give in to his worst impulses, he might not like it when he first agrees to it, but I could see him growing to find peace with it. But I can also see a world where, because Anakin is Anakin, he’ll never be able to find balance between these two marriages of his, one to Padme and one to the Jedi, that it only feeds his fears and his greed for the galaxy to bend to his will. But I like the idea that the Jedi love Anakin enough that they would be willing to find a compromise, one that keeps him from getting people hurt because he can’t achieve the balance necessary for the responsibility they’re given, but that he can remain a Jedi and maybe teach saber classes or engineering classes or something.  Jedi love teaching and while I don’t think Anakin has the patience for the toddlers of the creche, I can see him having a good time with a bunch of little gear-heads who love getting their faces stuck inside a droid just as much as he does.

#anakin skywalker #jedi order #meta

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Illusion

You know, It's really sad how this is a Lila episode, and she somehow isn't the most annoying character to come out of it.

Let's get into the fifth episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fifth season: Illusion

We start off with a news broadcast where several people are interviewed about the recent developments this season. There's an attempt made to show differing perspectives, but while half are recurring characters who are confident Ladybug and Cat Noir will beat Monarch (Xavier, Mr. Damocles, and Alec), the other half are antagonistic characters who either blame Ladybug for everything going wrong or are too stupid to care about the bigger picture (XY, Chloe, and Bob Roth).

This is one of the overarching problems with the show, its refusal to show any nuance in its arguments. We already know how easy it is for the writers to blame Marinette for things whenever there's a conflict, but whenever there's an argument where both sides make interesting points, the opposing side is almost always represented by an antagonist or jerk who frames their view in either a condescending or idiotic way so it's easy for the viewer to brush them off, and the same can be applied to their side of the argument as well. Hell, it's already happened twice this season with Lila and Chloe (Multiplication, Determination). It just comes across like the show is pretending to act like its conflict is deeper without actually showing any real nuance with it. I get that some arguments aren't morally gray, but if you're trying to discuss Ladybug's past failures, put more effort into showing how the people of Paris would see something like this without knowing the full context.

Also, this is a minor thing, but I actually like how when we see Alec on the talk show, he's wearing a wig like the one he had in “Wishmaker”, and has the same positive outlook on life he had at the end of that episode. For a show that usually plays loosey-goosey with its continuity, it's surprising to see the writers actually acknowledge the character growth of someone as insignificant as Alec.

Congratulations, Miraculous Ladybug. You managed to give a very minor side character a consistent arc. Now if only you could put the same amount of effort into writing your main cast.

We cut to Adrien's room where, shock of all shocks, he isn't exactly a fan of his image being used for a high-tech ring without his consent. He storms off to see his father, but it turns out that Gabriel is experimenting with the idea of not being such a terrible father for once. He's making breakfast, saying that Adrien can call him “Dad” now, and even admits that he's been very neglectful towards his son ever since Emilie “disappeared”. Yeah, he's cooking breakfast in his white suit and haircut that makes him look like a grandpa for some reason, but hey, at least the kitchen isn't on fire.

Of course, Gabriel still isn't really good at comforting his son, as seen with his response to Adrien's concerns about Alliance.

Adrien: Speaking of which, Dad, I'm not really comfortable with having my face on all these rings. That's actually why I didn't want to be a model anymore, to avoid that. Do you understand?

Gabriel: Of course, I understand, my son. But that's the point; it's just an image, it's not you! And since this image frees you from your obligations, we, the Agrestes, are able to spend more time together. But if you'd rather everything went back to the way it was before, just say the word.

Adrien: You're probably right.

Gabriel: You'll see, my son. Alliance will bring us closer.

“I know you're concerned about me using your image for something that I could have hired literally anyone else for, but if you would rather go back to being a model on a strict schedule, just say the word.”

Father of the year, ladies and gentlemen.

We get a decent interaction between Marinette and Alya where they discuss ways that Monarch could be giving Miraculous to his Akumas, unaware of what the Alliance rings do. Alya comes up with an interesting hypothesis that Monarch is using the Dog Miraculous to swipe them back, and honestly, that sounds like a much better plan than “develop a cutting-edge AI ring and hope whoever I akumatize had enough money to buy one”. I like this bit, as it shows the two thinking of ways to stop Monarch beyond beating whatever Akuma he sends out next. It honestly could have been a really interesting story arc to see Marinette, Cat Noir, and Alya learn more about how Monarch is using the new Miraculous he got instead of having us know what he's doing already.

After class ends, Nino talks to Adrien about an underground resistance he's forming with his friends, deciding to give each member a condiment-themed title.

Alya: What's up with the sauces?

Nino: What's up is Ladybug and Cat Noir don't have us to help them anymore.

Alya: (nervously) Um... uh... what do you mean, “us”?

Nino: Well, us, you Rena Rouge, me Carapace! (Alya kicks Nino's leg underneath the table) Ouch! What's the big deal? We can tell Marinette and Adrien we used to be superheroes. It's not like we have any Miraculous that Monarch could steal from us. The only ones who need to protect their secret identities are Ladybug and Cat Noir, not us. And anyway, I already told Adrien about Carapace.

Adrien: (chuckles nervously)

Marinette: Adrien knew?! Alya, did you know that he knew?!

Alya: What, no, I swear I didn't know at all! (kicks Nino's leg again)

Nino: Ow! Come on! He's my best bud, I can tell him stuff! You and Marinette tell each other stuff, don't you?

Alya and Marinette: No we don't!

Yeah, remember how shocking it was for Nino to reveal that he and Alya were Rena Rouge and Carapace to Adrien in “Rocketear”, and how we thought this reveal would play into something big like the Season 4 finale, possibly splintering the trust several characters had with each other? This is what it culminates in. Wasn't waiting over a year since that plotpoint was established totally worth it for that gag that once again ignores the secret identity rule?

Also, just because you don't have a Miraculous, it doesn't mean Monarch can't target you like he did last season (Optigami, Sentibubbler), you dumbass.

For the first time in God knows how long, Lila actually becomes relevant when she asks to sit with the four, only to be rebuffed by Marinette and Nino. Using some more condiments and food as props, Nino explains his plan.

Nino: We're gonna film an akumatization.

Alya: And how are you, Comrade Ketchup, gonna be in the know when and where this akumatization takes place?

Nino: Easy, Comrade Beurre Maître d'Hôtel. I'm gonna make it happen.

Yep, this is the plot of the episode, people. Nino's going to try and get someone akumatized. Now I know what you're all obviously thinking: Isn't this cruel?

Adrien: Isn't that cruel?

Alya: Totally! To make someone suffer just to discover Monarch's technique? Super cruel!

Nino: No, it's not! You forget Ladybug always fixes everything in the end with her magic ladybugs! The akumatized victims forget what happened to them.

Oh yeah, this is totally ethical, you guys. Who cares about the emotional trauma an Akuma victim would go through, much less any civilians endangered by their rampage?

To make things even better, guess who Nino wants to get akumatized?

Okay, putting aside what we, the audience, already know about Gabriel that Nino doesn't, why would he think pissing off one of the most influential fashion designers in the city of Paris is a good idea? He says he's targeting him because it's easy to do so during parent-teacher conferences, but why not target someone else who has been akumatized more often than him, like Xavier/Mr. Pigeon? I don't think the idea of a more morally gray plan to stop Monarch is a bad one, it's just that this plan is so stupid, and the writers only go over the ethical implications, and that said plan is so ludicrous, Nino is basically asking for a restraining order.

While Adrien and Marinette agree to Nino's plan, Alya only hesitantly goes along with it, but unbeknownst to any of them, Lila was overhearing their conversation, so she goes to tell Gabriel what they're doing. During the conferences, Marinette barges in and pretends to trip and drop some pizza onto Gabriel's clothes, and I'm going to assume that either the pizza was cold of Gabriel is really good at keeping a cool head because there's no way taking a hot pizza to the chest wouldn't hurt like hell. Adrien and Alya come in with more food, and we get the one funny joke of the episode with Alya half-assing her performance as the half-heartedly throws some cake onto Gabriel's suit. Pretty funny how Nino is conveniently the only one who isn't taking the risk by attacking Gabriel in front of his teacher by filming the whole thing, isn't it?

Gabriel has had enough and does a 180, planning to take Adrien out of school and somehow, Marinette blames herself for going along with the plan... even though she was the only one to not approve of it, while Adrien and Alya did, and even then, the latter two were very hesitant. It turns out this was all part of Gabriel's plan, as we see him transform into Monarch as soon as he gets to his lair and uses Trixx's power to create a Mirage of his civilian form, having a breakdown so dramatic, I'm surprised he didn't end it by saying, “YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, MARINETTE!”.

The illusion of Gabriel turns into the Collector again, and now he supposedly has the Horse Miraculous' Voyage as a power. Adrien and Marinette transform into Cat Noir and Ladybug respectively, and try to fend off the “Akuma”. Back in Monarch's lair, we learn that he somehow has the ability to unify with five different Miraculous at once, choosing to do so with the Bee, Mouse, Horse, and Rooster Miraculous. Why is he able to do this now?

Monarch uses Voyage and heads to the sewers, activating Venom before using Multiplication to create eight smaller clones of himself, finally using Sublimination to give the copies the power of invisibility. Strange, wouldn't wanting to be invisible count as a wish? While looking for “the Collector”, Ladybug uses her Lucky Charm, getting a bag of shredded cheese. The two chase after the illusion, only to fall through a Voyage portal into the sewers, where Cat Noir is almost immediately stunned by one of the clones. Hey, it took five whole episodes this season for him to be incapacitated by an Akuma to pointlessly raise the stakes this time! It's a new record! Ladybug throws the cheese to reveal the clones, who are then chased off by some nearby rats.

Monarch goes back to his normal form, and after a small pep talk, the illusion pretends to reject the Akuma entirely before falling into the water. The real Gabriel detransforms and then pretends to have gotten out. So Gabriel tricked the heroes with his foolproof plan... except for the fact that Ladybug and Cat Noir should have recognized the use of Venom, the hidden clones of the Collector when the video Nino got only said he had the Horse Miraculous' power, the akuma somehow purifying itself when Ladybug still needed to de-evilize it in “Rocketear” and “Penalteam”, the fact that Gabriel should be soaking wet from falling into the water, and the—okay, you all know where this is going.

Meanwhile, Nino sees the footage of the illusion and sees what he believes to be the way Monarch gave the Collector the Horse Miraculous' powers. Nino then apologizes to Gabriel for attacking him, Gabriel forgives him, and Nino invites him into the Resistance, with a bunch of new members. The final scene reveals that in addition to Nino, Alya, Marinette, Adrien, and Gabriel, the Resistance now has Max, Kim, Rose, Juleka, Ivan, Mylene, and to Marinette's horror, Lila. Also, there's a post-credits scene where Gabriel explains what he did to Tomoe when literally everyone watching was able to figure it out.

Okay, so let's summarize. The first mission for Nino's resistance involved assaulting a private civilian, was easily discovered before it could even be implemented, was just as easily foiled by an illusion, now Monarch and one of his allies have infiltrated the alliance as moles, and Nino isn't even aware that his plan was a colossal failure. This resistance isn't exactly going to be like the Rebel Alliance, is it?

Yeah, this episode sucked. It's easily the worst one so far in my opinion. There were a handful of decent moments and ideas here, but my God, the story was just terrible. Morally gray subject or not, it's hard to get behind the heroes when they try to intentionally piss someone off for a plan that the audience knows is going to fail, especially a plan as stupid as Nino's. This episode features Nino at his most obnoxious and unlike Alya, Marinette, and especially Adrien, he doesn't even feel bad for what he did to Gabriel when it ended up being (as far as we know) completely pointless. It feels like the writers wanted to gloss over the ethics of Nino's plan by making Gabriel the victim, because if it was anyone else, it would have made him look like a colossal prick. The fact that he learns nothing and thinks his moronic scheme was a success really doesn't help.

The other characters thankfully weren't as bad. It seemed like the writers were trying to show some self-awareness by having Alya, Marinette, and Adrien object to the plan in one way or another, but it never really went much other than them begrudgingly going along with it, much less calling him out for his actions. At the same time, they all got some decent moments, like Alya and Marinette's discussion about Monarch and Adrien struggling to convey his feelings about the Alliance rings to Gabriel.

It's also kind of weird that it took us about five episode into the season for Lila to finally be relevant again after she did absolutely nothing for the last three episodes of Season 4 and the first four episodes of this season. It was only three and a half years since “Ladybug”, the last major Lila episode premiered, right? But hey, at least the writers didn't overindulge in the dumb Lila lies like her other episodes, and was used more as an informant to kick off Gabriel's counter to Nino's plan.

Putting aside how terrible Nino's plan was, Gabriel's plan still had a lot of problems to it. Like I already mentioned, it's a little strange that Ladybug and Cat Noir never talk about the tiny clones they fought, or the fact that Cat Noir was stung by Venom. I can kind of suspend my disbelief by saying Ladybug was too focused on the battle to think, but why the hell didn't Cat Noir say anything? You would think after working alongside Queen Bee and Vesperia, he would recognize what being stung by Venom must look like. Yeah, Ladybug and Cat Noir didn't know Monarch can now use more powers for some reason, but it still really bothers me, because they should know the Collector can't multiply himself. It's also strange that he made his trick so hard to find when you would think it would be more obvious to see

But overall, this one was just a chore to get through. It feels like the writers saw how much some people didn't like Nino in “Rocketear”, and were like, “You call THAT character assassination?” And speaking of...

THE BIGGEST IDIOT OF THE EPISODE IS... NINO

Was there ever any doubt? The dude talked about his identity in a public place, nonchalantly blew him and his girlfriend's cover when he had no reason to for his Resistance, tried to get his best friend's dad akumatized while not caring about any potential damage, showed no remorse for what he did when his plan blew up in his face, tried to tell Ladybug and Cat Noir about what he learned while they were fighting the Collector, and all that was for a plan that didn't even work because the intel was discovered with ease, to say nothing about how he unintentionally let two enemies into his own Resistance. I've seen a lot of stupid decisions in this show, but never have I seen a single episode where a character makes screw-up after screw-up and doesn't even realize how much of a colossal moron he's being. With the past five episodes I covered and awarded Biggest Idiot Awards to (Ladybug, Alya, Xuppu, Mr. Damocles, and Luka), it was more them not seeing the bigger picture. Here, Nino is honestly trying to help Ladybug and Cat Noir, yet he failed at his job in every way.

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #adrien agreste #cat noir #chat noir #gabriel agreste #hawkmoth #hawk moth #monarch #monarch miraculous #the collector #nino lahiffe #alya cesaire #chloe bourgeois #xy #bob roth #alec cataldi #mr damocles #xavier ramier #Youtube

[vynegar]

lost in translation (ch 11, part 1) + some misc observations

a (non-exhaustive) list of differences i noted down for the translation of chapter 11 (part 1) while watching the chn and eng versions side-by-side. previously i did the same thing for chapter 9 and chapter 10. this also includes random comments and observations i had during this chapter.

disclaimer: i am not fluent in chinese, so keep in mind that there will be mistakes. feel free to let me know if you have questions, concerns, or comments. any alternate translations are my own, and are often especially literal (to show the difference between eng/chn).

Overall: Still nothing I’d consider egregious (ruinous to plot or character). Some omission of noncritical phrases in Chinese, like before. One thing I noticed more of is that the phrasing in English sometimes makes a line ambiguous or confusing, while the intention of the sentence in Chinese was much clearer. I have a few examples of these below; usually you can understand it using context clues, but I’m curious to know if other people noticed the issues when just reading in English. There were also some word choices that just felt a little… awkward? (It’s not here, but a few times when the word “grunt” was used…)

11-01

This may be a reference to Jerome's "preoccupation" with his age, like when he wanted to be called an older brother rather than an uncle (see my prev chapter translation comparisons). However, on second thought, this entire thing of his may be another nod to the idea of the pursuit of eternal youth and longevity? But honestly this is just a thought that crossed my mind, I don't really think that's the intention of the writers.

Based on the Chinese, it seems like Reina is older and Matthew is the younger brother.

The English could be interpreted as a hypothetical question, while the Chinese has Matthew directly saying that Vyn is unwanted. (Upon rereading, this is very minor and I would have left this entry out, but I already had the screenshot so I'll just put it here anyway.)

The Underling refers to Matthew using the suffix for people like presidents of companies (as he is a businessman). (Nothing wrong with the translation here, just again pointing out extra info that can be gleaned from the Chinese text.)

11-02

Marius refers to Matthew also with the same suffix.

This section also contains some references to Marius's previous stories:

Vyn was threatened with being locked dark space, which echoes one of Marius's childhood experiences (mentioned in his "In the Darkness" SSR and his blossom personal story, chapter 4)

Marius still can't hold his liquor, which we first saw in "Fabulous Feast" SSR

Ideally, this fear can extend into another thing --

"Of your own accord" gives the feeling of doing something of your own initiative, and voluntarily. The word used in the original text also implies that the thing was done secretly and/or without permission.

11-06

That last sentence felt like a mild warning, in which I could hear several inexplicably complicated emotions.

So the "complicated emotions" are on Vyn's side, not on Rosa's.

11-08

Rosa paints a very specific simile here but I'm honestly not quite sure what it's supposed to imply or if it's referencing something so I'm just going to put this here for reference. The literal translation says it's as if Marius "has hung a ring of keys at his waist and then forcibly drank 5 kg of puer tea".

11-09

[...] Even from the other end of the call, you can feel the embarrassment quietly spreading.

Not necessarily wrong, but the English sentence could almost be interpreted as the embarrassment is spreading throughout the phone, which doesn’t make sense and could cause a moment of confusion.

11-11

Dr. Richter, you haven’t chosen to believe anyone either, have you?

Note that in Chinese it’s not specified that Rosa is referring to “them” (the suspects in the case). It could usually be interpreted that way from context, but using “anyone” preserves ambiguity in Vyn’s response (i.e. it’s possible that Rosa or NXX are included in those that Vyn says he doesn’t trust).

(Sidenote: The beginning of the chapter emphasized the role of surveillance on NXX’s current actions. Therefore, Vyn might not trust anyone, or he might simply be saying what he wants other people to believe. It’s interesting to note that Marius, on the other hand, openly told Vincent in 11-08 that Rosa is the only one he trusts. Which, again, is likely influenced by the possibility of surveillance.)

11-13

After all, there is no way to detect psychological damage. Sometimes the parties involved are themselves not even aware of it.

11-15

By the time your mind has caught up with the situation, you had already placed yourself in his way without a moment’s hesitation.

I probably made more changes than necessary or literal, but it was to convey the feeling more. Then again, this may be one of those lines that seem fine to other people and I'm just stuck on my own knee-jerk impression of the English translation.

I think the English tries to convey "不暇思索地" with the phrase "you find yourself". However, this combined with the opening clause gave the impression that Rosa got caught up in the flurry of confusion, then just happened to find herself standing between Vyn and Darius. In Chinese, "不暇思索地" means something like “without thinking, without hesitation, without a second thought”. It adds a sense of instinctive protectiveness to Rosa’s action, which comes across in later lines of the English translation but I felt was lost in this line. This line was one of the most character-relevant issues I noticed in this chapter.

He looks over at you with rather undisguised astonishment.

11-16

Afterwards, he leaves them with a half-true threat.

Adds a little more playfulness to how he's threatening them with a lawsuit from Rosa.

If she were truly just a perpetrator, they [people online] would have pixelated the photos to prevent anyone from coming after her.

Subject issue, since it wasn’t explicitly stated in the sentence and it’s implied from the previous line.

11-20

Yeah, but I don’t want to answer that directly to your face just yet.

Probably nitpicky and most likely doesn't matter, but I’m going to point out the details since this seems like a foreshadow-y line.

Then he releases his foot and smiles seemingly gently at the young man.

Most of the time the “seemingly” can be (and is) left out in translation, but I think it’s better to keep it here since Vyn probably isn’t actually being gentle.

11-21

Look man, we didn’t do anything. We’re not gonna go asking for trouble.

Contributes to the idea that Luke’s best course of action is just not getting involved this whole incident and continuing with his work.

…No, even names that haven’t been carefully considered can bear meaning.

Thoughtful = “having a lot of thought put into it” would be fine here, but I feel that the more colloquial interpretation of thoughtful (“kind, compassionate”) would be strange since giving Albie a name is itself said to be a kind action. In Chinese, the word used specifically means carefully considering, deliberating, etc.

...you never directed your thoughts toward that direction.

Actually, I don’t think this would be considered an error in translation. I think the metaphorical phrasing is just almost opposite between eng and chn so it stood out to me. In chn it's more like thinking further in that direction; in eng, it’s more like finding a new position to position yourself, then view the situation and do your thinking from that angle.

I also have an analysis post about Albie's name which also involves comparison across eng/chn! Anyway, thanks for reading this far and feel free to let me know your thoughts ^^

#tears of themis #vyn richter #marius von hagen #tot vyn #tot marius #mo yi #lu jinghe #tears of themis analysis #tot translation #thoughts of themis #hmm i was gonna consider scheduling for the morning but fuck it. i'm posting

[centi-pedve]

been scouring the regretevator wiki cause i was curious (terrible wiki btw i am so sorry. one page has a citation that just links to some discord bullshit which people who are not in the server obviously cant see) anyways i am getting a terrible impression of the creator(?) and i would be interested in your thoughts on this business if youd be willing to share :3

oh goodness gracious... well we do have Some thoughts and we dunno if they match your own concerns since, we purposefully don't go out looking for whatever the creator has said but yeah even from a distance it's. Not looking good. (Already mentioned some of these before but for the sake of putting it in one place we'll be redundant)

definitely has his own takes on certain characters, headcanons, and the like. it was silly at first but as time went on and the more effort he put into pushing negativity over certain things the less fun it became. we think, if you want people to dislike a character, you try and make them dislikeable within the context of the story and then let people form those opinions. rather than being weird about the fact that there are still people who do like the character and punishing them by denying them the most basic things or even involving them in the story at all because Doesn't Deserve It. yes this is primarily about unple/asant

related but... too much of a reliance on telling stories with twitter or other unofficial platforms. did we learn nothing from the dumbledore is gay tweet. like a huge amount of information on the wiki that is very important to understanding the characters are just is NOT in the game, like if you played the game fully you'd still need to rely on the wiki to be able to participate in fandom. honestly a large part of that is why we're so biased towards certain characters! unple/asant and infe/cted are the only characters with lore and trivia and such that we've bothered to go on the wiki for and memorize. we've played the game for hours and hours but that doesnt mean much lol. once again, unple/asant especially, it literally DOESN'T TALK or participate in ANY of the active dynamic story because Doesn't Deserve It but there's still things to know about unple/asant and people who like the game just want something!! like dunno the overuse of social media in storytelling just makes it so much more unfun, we don't like how information is released and the fact that we need to rely on external material that... is sometimes taken back because the creator has gone on record Just Saying Shit. favorite example vv

Which is really funny considering it has 1 piece of dialogue on the game. So it can physically speak, and is also not "mewing 24/7" by result of having that dialogue (pretty sure the creator was just encouraged to say that without giving a fuck but, whatever). but the things that happen in game are second to the creator's twitter feed AMIRIGHTFELLAS

3. the,. the ableism. we've heard people tried to bring it up with the creator in the past and they were ignored so we feel comfortable mentioning it lol. bi/ve is a stereotype of someone who suffers from paranoia really, we mean we love her but... lol... and we will say it again pe/st should not canonically have npd or aspd. like omggg the evil character that robs people has two pds negatively stereotyped as belonging to evil people we're sure there was no bias in this decision. maybe we'd be less bothered if people didn't treat it as so serious and pretend to be cluster b allies like "you have to give him some understanding cuz he has aspd and npd 🥺" like no because he's evil, also maybe it wouldn't hurt to care about real people with those pds instead of a caricature. also the half-hearted throwing around of the word "mute" for unple/asant has been pointed out as ableist by a lot of people.

tldr uhhh wuhgghh NOT A PERSONAL ATTACK nobody get us (: nobody talk us...

#asks #good morning! (starts bitching

[eisforeidolon]

So on the subject of John supposedly being an alcoholic [X], let's talk about what evidence there actually is in the canon that references his drinking.

In the pilot, Sam makes two quick references to John drinking - "he's probably working overtime on a Miller shift" and he's hunting deer at a cabin with "Jim [Beam], Jack [Daniels], and Jose [Cuervo]". Except taking that as evidentiary is ignoring the very obvious and important context that he says those things in front of and directly to Jessica, respectively. It's a very neatly normal explanation to give her for why Dean might not want to talk in front of her (about embarrassing family problems) and why Sam would be worried enough to take off in the middle of the night. John's not a monster hunter, he's an alcoholic on a bender with guns! When Jessica isn't in the room, the conversation becomes all about hunting, with no mention of alcohol - even when Sam is bringing up John's previous disappearances and questionable parenting choices? It's no longer part of the conversation.

The next obvious reference is Nightmare, where the quote is, "We're lucky we had Dad. [...] Well, it coulda gone a whole other way after Mom. I little more tequila and a little less demon hunting and we woulda had Max's childhood. All things considered, we turned out ok. Thanks to him." I think we can take this one at face value since there's no outside audience, but what does it really say? Definitively that John was less of an abusive drunk than Max's father, though that doesn't say hardly anything at all considering what it would take to be worse. Presumably that Sam & Dean were aware of John drinking at least sometimes to some extent, though "a little more/a little less" is pretty euphemistic in this context. Anything beyond that is putting a lot of mileage onto a pretty vague statement.

Another comment that isn't for an outside audience you could take to be about drinking is in Dark Side of the Moon, where Sam is talking about his "first real Thanksgiving" and when Dean says they had Thanksgiving every year, Sam dismissively says "We had a bucket of extra-crispy and Dad passed out on the couch." Sam is pointedly making a comparison between a big family togetherness meal at a table and the Winchesters getting a takeout bucket of chicken in whatever dodgy motel room with no especial fanfare. While I think it's not an unreasonable assumption to make that John was passed out after drinking, it is an assumption - alcohol isn't mentioned. Sam could be referring to him taking a nap on his day off from hunting rather than bothering to do anything special - Sam would clearly be disappointed in the lack of Normal Family Traditions either way (if he was yearning enough to enjoy someone else's big family Thanksgiving as a particularly happy memory). Even if John was drunk, we're talking about behavior on a holiday specifically about family togetherness in a broken family. Bad judgement? Yes. Alcoholic? Trickier question.

The last one I can think of/track down is in The Girl Next Door. It does explicitly talk about John drinking. When flashback!Amy is concerned about her mom's possible reaction to a minor spill, "Yeah, well, she has a temper. Sometimes. It's... no big deal." Flashback!Sam replies with, "My dad does, too. You don't want to see him when he's drinking." While I think Sam is clearly smitten with her and wants to relate to her? He doesn't have the same kind of need to lie and prevaricate in this situation as he did with Jessica. So I think we can safely say Sam has seen John drinking and that he sometimes has a temper when he does. How often that happens, though, and how much drinking is involved? Well, again, those are not details we can get from the text without adding a fair bit of interpretation in one direction or the other.

Are there any big obvious ones I'm missing? Or even smaller ones? It's been a while since my last rewatch and I just don't know the final few seasons very well.

Look, I'm not nominating John Winchester for Father of The Year. He's a complex and conflicted character with some clear faults who makes mistakes (just like his sons). It's one thing to recognize that - or to just dislike him! It's another thing to treat headcanons based on a few vague implications as canonical fact.

#spn discussion #john winchester #words mean things

[orbmanson7]

I can't seem to go five minutes without thinking about more Logan angst today, so have this, too. It's an old thought that I've mentioned for years but never really posted here on tumblr.

Thomas' immediate reaction to Logan's appearance in Accepting Anxiety (Part 1) is to say "Ah, Logan's here, so I probably did something wrong." Logan then appears genuinely surprised and even somewhat distressed to hear Thomas say this, dismissing it as untrue before continuing to address his concern with Thomas' behavior.

The implication here, though, is that Thomas doesn't care about what he's saying but may commonly think this, even if only subconsciously, due to Logan's role in the series.

Thomas had become very accustomed to Logan only showing up to give exposition, provide knowledge and resources to better understand and discuss a topic, and to ultimately assist in resolving conflicts and issues Thomas has had. It makes sense that, through all that, Thomas may have inadvertently made a correlation of "I did something wrong" with Logan's arrival.

This is not necessarily something uncommon, both in real life and in media. Take, for instance, the myth of the Mothman. Some believe multiple sightings of the cryptid was a warning sign to an upcoming danger, based on a single instance in which several sightings of the Mothman occurred in and around Point Pleasant in a short period of time before a tragic bridge collapse that took many lives. There is nothing to suggest the cryptid had anything to do with the situation, but people were inclined to believe it merely due to the creature's appearance leading up to the disaster.

In Logan's case, even all the way back in Accepting Anxiety (Part 1), Logan was already being seen as his role of Thomas' logic and reasoning, not as Logan, a nerdy teacher character. He represents Logic, and logic dictates knowledge and advice, creates schedules and routines for Thomas' benefit, and only really exists to provide what is needed. Logan, on the other hand, is a big nerd who likes learning new vocabulary, indulging in his interests of space and watching Doctor Who, and reading mystery and sci-fi novels. He likes puzzles and trivia and Crofters and feeling like he's been useful and helped Thomas to the best of his ability.

Take another example, as it is not unreasonable for someone in the fictional version of Queens, NY to see Spiderman as a sign that crime is happening. While the hero's goal is to help fight that crime and serve justice, it is not as though merely seeing Spiderman means there is trouble afoot. But because people often only see or hear of the hero in regards to his role as the city's protector, they are more likely to see Spiderman for what he does rather than who he is.

If Peter Parker (or any other variation of Spiderman) were to walk around town, people wouldn't immediately associate his presence with danger or crime, but they might if he was still dressed as Spiderman. And that, right there, is the center of the issue - recognizing someone more for their role, but not as a person.

But Logan isn't the one who the other sides or Thomas seem to ever appreciate or want around. What they need is Logic, and what they don't want is Logan.

Virgil said it himself in Learning New Things About Ourselves with "No matter what we do, logic always has a part to play, Logan." While meant to be a positive message in context, indicating there are many different ways to address a problem, there is a negative connotation to this message, as well. The others' failure to consider Logan's difficulty in understanding their methodology only resulted in Logan believing his methods were ineffective and wrong. Being told that "logic has a part to play" indicates to him that they need Logic, but they didn't say they needed Logan (even though they spent a whole song stating that they needed all the other sides, specifically).

While some of the others also struggle with their identity separate from their role in the series, they often seek out the other sides for comfort and help with this issue. They are met with empathy, efforts to understand, and the assistance they need. Unfortunately for Logan, this doesn't happen for him, both due to what he understands for his role (he is meant to provide, not to receive) and his unwillingness to reach out to the others and break away from his role (especially as time goes on, as we've seen). Logan does not reach out and does not challenge the others' perceptions of him, and this results in his identity being taken up more and more by his role.

At this point in the series, it's a wonder he's involved at all except to provide exposition when asked. No matter all the times he's been dismissed or silenced, he adapts and finds new ways to benefit Thomas and fulfill his role while staying out of the way as much as possible. But, at some point, he's either going to adapt to something harmful (either to himself or Thomas) or he's going to refuse to keep adapting and stand up against his unfair treatment, challenging Thomas and the other sides' perceptions of him and the role he serves.

I hope it turns out okay, at least.

#sanders sides #logan angst #logan sanders #my brain just won't shut off today i swear #long post #mothman reference #spiderman reference #it makes sense if you read it just trust me on this #orbs thought bubbles #sanders sides analysis

[ace-of-zaun]

The Wrong Place at the Wrong Time: Pt. 5

Silco x f!reader - SFW

CW: ANGST, fluff, self-doubt, arguments, hurt, comfort, light injury, swears

6k words

Summary: Your new job as negotiator for the Eye of Zaun is proving to be a rather fascinating career change for a former kitchen utensil salesperson. But, not nearly as exciting as the way you’re getting delightfully close to the enticing man himself.

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 6 | PART 7 | PART 8

A/N: some angst in this one, but do not worry, all is well -elsie x

-

Being a negotiator for the most powerful man in Zaun was equal parts compelling, thrilling, and quite frankly, a surprising amount of fun. Although, part of you wonders whether that was because of the man who delicately guided you each step of the way, ensuring you quickly settled into your new, exciting life, rather than the actual job itself. 

You’d moved from your apartment into the little room you’d stayed in twice as a guest, at Silco’s demure suggestion. Letting the poor man ramble on and on about needing to keep you close in case there’s a business emergency, and ensuring you weren’t threatened or kidnapped again, until you’d eventually pretended to think about it before whole-heartedly agreeing. 

I mean, you were going to agree anyway, but it was entertaining to hear him make excuses under the slightly false pretence of ‘innocent concern for his employee’.

Instead of selling kitchen utensils to barbaric customers, your days now consisted of accompanying the Eye of Zaun to meetings and planning strategies for said deals in his office, which was turning out to be a rather enjoyable way to spend your time. 

In fact, you’d discovered one of your new favourite pastimes through the job: bullying Finn in every meeting you had with the golden-jawed fool (Sil’s words, not yours). You delighted in running rings around him until his scowl was so deep, you were sure it would give him a blinding headache. And to make it even more delightful, Silco would often join in with your teasing comments, sinfully smirking alongside you until the young chem-baron was positively infuriated. 

Gods, who knew crime could be this fun? You’d have turned to the dark side years ago if you knew it was this that was waiting for you.

But, as in any new job, it didn’t come without a few bumps in the road, which was the situation you found yourself in one Wednesday, as you and Silco entered his office having just returned from a rather difficult meeting with a new gang leader.

Silco hangs his coat on the stand and you follow him over to his desk, sighing deeply as he flops down into the high-backed chair. Remaining on the opposite side of the desk, you rest your weight onto your hands against the edge of the wood, locking your arms straight to keep you upright.

“Well, I think that went well…eventually,” you grind out, looking quite sheepish. 

“Eventually,” Silco agrees, tilting his head to the side. 

“Listen, I’m still getting used to this whole crime thing, I’m bound to slip into old habits every so often!” you protest. 

“Yes, but you began the meeting by saying ‘You look like a man who could use a good lemon squeezer’...”

Fuck. 

You really had said that to an actual crime lord. Rather foolishly on your part, you were hoping that it had all been a fever dream. But Silco repeating the very phrase you’d opened with in a meeting with a terrifying gang leader only confirmed your worst fears. 

You loudly groan, your face scrunching up to show your obvious despair, before folding your arms on the desk and leaning your body forward to place your forehead on them.  

“I just didn’t think! Gods, no wonder he threatened me, it sounds really bad out of context!” you groan into the desk. 

Your next groan is almost comical by how loud and over exaggerated it is, the low sound being accompanied by the action of you sinking to the floor and laying flat on your back in front of Silco’s desk. And as if it would fix all your problems and erase your blazing embarrassment, you also cover your face with both hands.

Dear Janna, please evaporate me. 

Thank you in advance for your cooperation. 

Lots of love… me. 

Silco must have stood up because in the midst of your stupid prayer, you hear the tell-tale sound of his chair creaking. 

He says your name in a questioning and slightly concerned tone.

“What are you doing?”

“Oh, you know, just hoping the ground will swallow me up,” you mumble into the palms of your hands. 

He huffs a laugh and sits back down. It’s very quiet for a few seconds, long enough to make you wonder what on earth he’s doing while you’ve got your eyes closed, before you hear him start to scribble away on one of the many reports atop his desk.

The sound is comforting only for a handful of moments, before that doubting little voice in your head gets louder and louder until you can’t ignore it. Oh, pissing hell.

And you know what they say: A problem shared is a problem halved, so you decide to birth your worry out into the dark office (well, dark only because your eyes are still covered by your clammy hands). 

“Silco?” you say quietly. 

“Yes, dear?”

Your voice goes a bit wobbly. 

“I’m really sorry for messing up.”

Instead of him telling you to ‘Shut up’ like you expected, you’re graced with the sound of the chair creaking again and some footsteps coming around the desk until they’re next to you. Seconds later, a pair of strong hands are gently pulling your hands away from your eyes, revealing a gorgeous kingpin kneeling down beside you.

Oh look, it’s Silco! 

Fancy seeing him here!

His expression is tinted with a smidge of worry, as he speaks to you in a low voice, that you would have found very hot if you weren’t already feeling so uneasy. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for; you were brilliant. He took the deal, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, I guess,” you admit reluctantly, “I’m just worried I’m not good enough for you… for this job,” you quickly correct, your eyes darting up to meet his. 

He frowns and his eyes tick over your face. 

“You are more than good enough,” he says seriously. 

Silco’s mouth opens again like he wants to say more, but he shuts it quickly and exhales sharply. You wait a few moments before speaking again, just in case he wants to voice whatever’s clearly going on in his head. But he doesn’t. 

“Are you sure?”

“I am.”

“Thank you,” you tell him quietly after a few breathless moments and a quick, reassuring squeeze of your hands from him.

You chance another quick look at him and note that he still looks perplexed. One day you think you might be brave enough to just ask him outright what was troubling him, like you did on the balcony, but today wasn’t that day. 

Breaking eye contact with him, you roll your head back to look up at the ceiling, where something wonderful catches your eye. 

“Would you like to get up now?” Silco asks.

“No, thank you, I’m admiring Jinx’s artwork. At least, I assume it’s Jinx’s and not yours,” you say with a wide smile. 

Silco follows your line of sight and peers up at the rafters above you, finally spotting that they are littered with colourful drawings in neon markers. He sighs again and you wonder how he has any breath left, considering how many times he’s emptied his lungs like that in only one day. 

“Your assumption is correct,” Silco says tiredly. 

You giggle at this poor, exhausted dad. Bless him. He’s honestly too adorable for his own good. 

Selfishly, you want him to lie down next to you, but to your disappointment he quickly squeezes your hands again and stands to move back round the desk to his chair. Given the horrific way his knees crack as he does, you assume he didn’t join you on the floor because he was so old that if he did, he’d probably never get up again.

Gods, that would make future business meetings extremely awkward if the Eye of Zaun was just sprawled out flat on the rug for all of them. It’d probably make him lose some of his well-earned intimidation factor, you think. 

Orrrrrr, maybe it’d confuse them so much they’d be terrified into doing whatever he said…

You excitedly make a mental note to add it to the notebook of, quite frankly, fantastic business ideas you’re keeping to one day present to Silco.

But in all seriousness, after Silco’s kind reassurances, you now feel a lot better about the (partly) disastrous meeting. And truthfully, you still can’t quite believe just how kind Silco is to you. Now that you have a glimpse into how he speaks to other people, especially his other employees, you can’t help but notice how much softer and more understanding he is with you. 

Really, it’s quite baffling. 

The only other person you’d witnessed Silco being soft with is Jinx, and you knew without a shadow of a doubt that he adored her, so you’d be forgiven if your mind didn’t start to subsequently wonder…

Does the Eye of Zaun have feelings for you?

-

Silco’s loud, exasperated sigh fills the air in his office.

“Left hand green,” he exhales, like he’s just run a marathon, when he’s actually just languidly sitting on the couch one quiet evening. 

Jinx moves to put her left hand on one of the green spots on the mat spread out on the floor, which proves to be a fairly tricky manoeuvre, since one foot of hers was on a red spot and the other on a blue one. She wobbles, but by some divine miracle, manages to stay upright, her tongue darted out in concentration. 

At Jinx’s successful move, Silco flicks the spinner once more, the pleasing little sound making you smile.

To be quite honest, you’re surprised he’s not cheating and just choosing whichever combination would end the game the quickest. You’re almost certain he’s being this grumpy because neither you nor Jinx had wanted to play his game of choice for the evening… 

Chess. 

I mean, has he even met a twelve-year-old before??

It had been no surprise that Jinx had chosen the game you’d found at the market instead, the chess board left untouched on the little side table. 

“Right foot red,” Silco sighs again like a sulking child. 

You look down. Both of your feet are currently on green spots. Shit. There’s no way you can stretch that far across the mat. 

“Do you have to throw a mardy every time you spin the thingy?” you tease, trying to distract him while you put your foot on the closest yellow instead. 

If he wasn’t going to take the opportunity to cheat at the game, you sure as hell were. 

He scoffs. 

“I am not throwing-”

Jinx suddenly loses balance and unceremoniously falls over. She scowls and jumps up quickly. 

“Yeah you are! I want to spin it now,” she demands, reaching out for the spinner in Silco’s hands. 

Silco happily holds it out, probably relieved to finally be rid of his job as The Spinner. 

“Which means you have to play,” she finishes confidently, a grin spreading across her little face. 

He looks utterly horrified and it takes all your strength to hold in the snicker that threatens to escape your lips. Silco cautiously brings the spinner back towards his chest. 

“I can’t, pumpkin, I’ve never played before,” he tells her, attempting to be soft, but the horror in his voice easily shines through. 

Oh hell no. If you had to play, then so did he. Furthermore, his excuse is absolutely terrible and you decide to tell him as such.

“What’s that got to do with the price of eggs?” you scoff. 

“What?” Silco asks, his head snapping to you, completely baffled. 

“Exactly,” you reply knowingly. 

Jinx cackles with laughter at his scrunched up expression of confusion and uses the opportunity to snatch the spinner from his lithe hands. 

Now spinner-less, he looks shocked at having been played by the two of you, and promptly scrunches his nose even further. The kingpin starts to grumble as he reaches down to remove his shoes, finally standing to take his place at the edge of the mat opposite you. 

He looks so miffed, it is really quite hilarious. Well, that’s what you get for taking in a stray kitchen utensil salesperson. 

You very nearly say ‘Come on, my little coconut’ when he glares at you, but you refrain, because in the past few weeks Jinx has taken to repeating just about everything you say. So, to save him some future despair, you go for something that won’t make him go completely crazy when she inevitably calls it him for the next month solid. 

…Okay, maybe you’re aiming to drive him just a little bit crazy.

“Come on, don’t be so SIL-y,” you tease, grinning as you stand across the mat from him.

“Yeah, dad, don’t be so SIL-y!” Jinx giggles.

Heh heh heh. 

Like the absolute menace you knew you were, you return his thoroughly unimpressed glare with a smug smirk. Oh, you could do so much delicious damage to this beautiful little crime boy with Jinx on your side. 

The game begins with Jinx flicking the spinner and announcing each move with the confident gusto only a twelve-year-old could muster up for such a daft little game. 

“I should warn you, I’m the world champion at this game’, you taunt cheekily at him.

“There’s no such thing,” he replies loftily. 

“How do you know?”

“I just know.”

“I jUsT kNoW,” you mock in a childish voice, jutting your elbows out to the side as you place the topside of your wrists against your hips. 

Silco glares at you again but you can tell he’s biting his cheek as Jinx cackles with laughter from the sofa. Truthfully, you’re having more fun than you’ve had in years. If it was up to you, you’d stay in this moment forever, with the man who made your heart skip a beat, despite seeing him every single day, and the young girl who was starting to feel like your own.

The game now in full swing, you struggle not to howl with laughter at the sight of the King of Zaun spread out on all fours on top of the colourful mat, trying to keep his balance. He looks like a fucking spider.

At one point, Jinx announces a colour for Silco to put his hand on and your eyes widen in surprise when the nearest spot left is between your legs. Fuck. 

Silco looks at the spot and you see the realisation dawn on his face. He glances up to look at you and you can tell he’s feeling as apprehensive as you are. You begin to feel that same delicious tension you’d felt in the kitchen when your second kiss had been interrupted. 

Oh no, this is very bad, you should stop this before it gets out of hand. 

…Nah. 

Coquettishly, you raise an eyebrow as if to say ‘Go on then’ and his pupils widen in response to your silent challenge. You think he’s going to refuse and abandon the game, but to your absolute delight, he slowly reaches his hand through your legs and places his hand firmly on the spot. 

And to make it even worse, once he realises the power he now has, despite being situated below you, the tip of Silco’s tongue pokes through the gorgeous little gap in his teeth as he gives you his own wickedly coy smirk.

The heat that rushes through your body is entirely too overwhelming. 

Good gods. 

Luckily, Jinx is completely unaware of the additional little game going on between you and her father, as she sits atop the back of the sofa, happily flicking the spinner.

“Left foot yellow,” she calls. 

The move puts you even closer to him and you daren’t look down at him because you’re in danger of saying something you’re most definitely going to regret. And unfortunately, it’s that particular distraction that causes you to take a step that’s far too big and you promptly slip on the shiny plastic mat. 

You squeal as you tumble forward, grabbing onto his shoulders for support and consequently taking him down with you, until he’s laying on his back and you’re straddling him, your hands pressed into his shoulders while he grabs onto your waist to steady you. 

Silco’s face is frozen in shock as he glances down at you sitting on top of him before snapping his eyes up to meet yours. And although his expression retains its look of surprise, you’re close enough not to miss the flicker of lust that dances in his eyes. 

Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods. What is happening?? 

But the little bubble you’re both in bursts at the loud sound of Jinx’s ecstatic laughter and the moment Silco remembers she’s in the room, the tops of his cheeks begin to flush in a deep red.

“It’s time for bed, Jinx,” he declares suddenly, avoiding eye contact with you as he removes his hands from your sides. 

You scramble to get off him, and he instantly stands up and makes his way over to his desk, his back to you both until he sits down in his chair.  

“Aww,” Jinx whines.

“I’ll take her!” you say hastily, shoving the game mat and spinner back into the box haphazardly, your own face completely flushed. 

“But I’m not tired!” Jinx protests.

“I’ll read you a bedtime story,” you tell her placatingly. 

“With the voices?” 

“Uh, absolutely,” you say, ushering her out of the room.

The quicker you were out of his office, the better. 

“I’ll be there to say goodnight soon, pumpkin,” Silco calls as you begin to exit the office.

With Jinx happily on her way to her bedroom, you chance a single peek back at Silco, who is holding his clipboard up in front of his face, clearly pretending to read the report before him as you gently close the door. 

Welp, that just made your confusing feelings for him a million times more complicated.

…Oops.

-

Barely a week after that rather awkward end to your evening, you arrive back at The Last Drop one afternoon from a, let’s just say, less-than-desirable solo meeting with a client. And by less-than-desirable, you of course meant that the bastard had decided to try to stab you before you’d even had the chance to speak to him. 

I mean, at least your negotiation skills couldn’t be blamed for the sudden violence, you think, as it appeared he’d come into the meeting with the sole intention of killing you. 

But on the bright side, you’d managed to get in at least one quip of ‘Well, that was awfully rude of you’ as your bodyguard had tackled the man to the ground, leaving you with a small gash on your arm instead of the hole in your heart like he’d been aiming for. 

You’d been promptly whisked away back to The Drop, where you were currently assessing the damage to your arm in your bedroom. There was no chance in hell you were going to let Sil see what had happened, because you knew he’d go absolutely mental, so you’d forgone stopping by his office like you usually did after a solo meeting, until you’d had a chance to clean yourself up.

There were plenty of medical supplies in the bar’s staffroom, so that was your first port of call on the whistle-stop tour you’d aptly named: ‘Fix My Arm Before Silco Finds Out’.

You peer around your bedroom door into the hallway like a spy on a secret mission and are relieved to find it empty. Phew. 

Now confident you wouldn’t get caught, you step out of the room and begin to make your way down to the bar, only to nearly bump head-first into the one person you were actively trying to avoid.

Silco McHotFace. (Okay, you’d made that last bit up because no matter how many people you asked, nobody knew his last name… perhaps he just didn’t have one).

He looks very surprised to see you in the corridor, which is really quite ridiculous because you live here.

“When did you get back?” he asks.

“I’m not back,” you blurt out, slowly backing away from him like a deer caught in headlights. 

Silco says your name flatly, clearly unamused by your ridiculous statement. 

His eyes flicker down to where you were holding your arm tightly, trying to make sure the blood flow had stopped completely. He squints at you in the darkness of the hallway, concern dancing in his mismatched eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” you lie, trying to run away from him as you stumble backwards. 

“No you don’t,” he says as he grabs you by your elbow and you can’t help but wince sharply when pain shoots through your arm.

Finally, Silco spots the blood on your shirt sleeve. 

And his immediate reaction can only be described as pure panic. 

He takes a sharp intake of breath as his eyes widen and dart across your body in a frenzied examination. The grip on your elbow tightens until you audibly yelp and he loosens it, rubbing slow circles into your skin as if to soothe the accidental pain he’d caused.

Without another word, he leads you to his office, his hold on you never once leaving your now trembling body. 

Once behind closed doors, he guides you to the couch and lets you sit down, leaving you momentarily to fetch some disinfectant and a roll of bandage from the drawer of his desk. Back at your side, Silco takes a seat beside you before abruptly ripping your already torn shirt sleeve off your arm. You almost jump at the suddenness of it. 

He’s uncharacteristically quiet as he does so and you don’t like it one bit. 

“Hey, that’s my favourite shirt!” you lie, hoping to bring him out of his odd little stupor with your over-the-top reaction.

“I’ll buy you a new one; what happened?”

You sigh. He really wasn’t in the mood. 

“I went to that meeting with Elred and he may or may not have tried to… uh…”

He looks at you expectantly as he gently cleans the cut on your arm. 

“...stab me,” you finish quietly, hoping he won’t hear it if you don’t look him in the eye.  

The look on Silco’s face darkens considerably at your confession and the red iris of his corrupted eye swirls with the intensity of a whirlpool. 

Honestly, you were expecting him to go completely ballistic, but this silent, simmering reaction was far, far worse. Even worse than the time he’d threatened the rude customer at your market stall.

“It wasn’t my fault, I promise! I didn’t even say anything to him, he just attacked me for no reason,” you scrabble to fill the heavy silence. 

But Silco doesn’t say anything, instead focusing on cleaning your arm up and carefully wrapping it in a bandage, making sure to keep it tight enough to hold, but not so tight that it hurts.

You decide to try a different approach, one that uses up all your bravery because it requires a certain level of vulnerability that you were still getting used to. 

“What are you thinking about?” you ask softly, trying to catch his gaze. 

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” Silco replies stoically when he finally meets your eyes. 

Fuck, what is he holding back? Why won’t he just say what he’s thinking?? 

“No, no, just the arm,” you tell him before a thought pops into your head, “Um, actually, do you have any of those painkillers you gave me when I passed out in the warehouse? They really helped with the pain last time.”

He stands up from the sofa, his arm brushing gently along your thigh as he does, before he makes his way over to the desk again and begins to dig through the drawers. After a few moments, he finds what he was looking for and approaches you again, holding out a tiny vial of shimmer for you to take. 

What?

“No, the stuff you gave me when I passed out,” you clarify, hoping he’ll realise his mistake. 

He gives you a confused look and holds the vial out again, as if it would explain everything. 

It gradually dawns on you as you stare at the glowing purple liquid in his hands. 

Oh, fuck. 

It all makes sense now. How quickly you’d bounced back from such a nasty head trauma. How easily the marks from your kidnapping had disappeared. How little pain you’d experienced when it probably should have killed you. 

“You gave me shimmer?” you say slowly, your face growing more and more horrified by the second.

“It’s not the recreational kind, it’s a medicinal strain. I use it for my eye,” Silco tries to reassure you. 

“But it’s still shimmer.”

“Yes?”

He’s looking at you now, his face more unreadable than ever before. You can’t help the way your stomach begins to churn as your breathing gets heavier with dread. 

“Silco.” 

There’s a long few moments where you just stare at each other, neither one of you knowing what to say about this horrible little impasse you’d found yourself in. 

You had plenty of reasons for not wanting to take shimmer. You saw the way it ruined the lives of those who got addicted to it. How quickly their bodies deteriorated until they were nothing more than husks of their original selves. Part of you can’t quite believe that Silco would knowingly take something that destroys your body like that. 

But maybe what was really making you feel so shaken up was the fact that he’d given it to you without your permission. 

You’re just about to ask why he’d decided to give you shimmer when a knock on the office door beats you to it and Sevika comes in without waiting for Silco’s usual bid of entry. You watch blankly as the tall woman roughly shoves a snivelling man into the room as if he weighs nothing at all. 

And despite the cuts and bruises already blooming across his face, you instantly recognise him as one of the bar staff who’d been caught stealing just before you’d left for your meeting earlier.

You look across at Silco who has already cultivated his face and his stance into a perfect mask of detachment. And even without seeing the dangerous look in his eye, you know for certain that Silco is going to kill him because no-one crosses the Eye of Zaun and no-one steals from him without facing the grim consequences.

Not being your expertise, you never stick around for these sorts of ‘meetings’, so you automatically stand up from the couch and turn to face Silco, frustrated that your chance to talk this all out with him has been ripped away from you.

“Thanks for patching me up,” you mumble, expecting him to tell you to come back later to finish your discussion.

But he doesn’t. 

Instead, he pockets the vial of shimmer and spares you a single fleeting glance before moving towards the man with slow, methodical steps, like a predator closing in on its doomed prey. You take it as your cue to leave and walk as quickly as you can out of the office, feeling absolutely sick to your stomach. -

You don’t see him again that day, although it’s not through a lack of trying. Stopping by the office again later in the evening, you find both Silco’s office and his bedroom are empty, and you can’t even find Sevika at her usual spot in the bar, so you go to bed feeling like you’re in a daze.

You want to fix this misunderstanding before it completely eats away at you. 

The next morning, you’re up early for another solo meeting but that little voice in your head convinces you that there’s no time to check if Silco is already awake. Truthfully, the longer you leave it, the harder it gets to just face it head on. But even then, you worry that by talking about it, you’ll accidentally make it worse. So you hurry on out before anyone can see that you’ve gone. 

And despite your meeting going very well, persuading the woman to give way more than what you were offering in exchange, you still felt like you were beginning to drown in your own thoughts. In fact, you’re so preoccupied, you barely notice that you have a lot more bodyguards than you normally would have, and the woman you’re meeting with is searched thoroughly before she comes anywhere near you. 

By the time you get back home, your sadness feels like it’s consuming your whole body, so you just quietly give your report to Sevika on your way through the bar and go straight to your bedroom, after telling her you’re feeling unwell. You miss the way she frowns at your uncharacteristic melancholy as you walk away. 

Spending the rest of the day staring at the ceiling as you lay unmoving on your bed, you repeatedly think through everything you said to Silco the night before and you desperately try to decipher his reactions. But you can’t figure out what went wrong. 

You feel like you’re starting to go mad. 

Hours later, in the middle of the night (or perhaps it was very early in the morning, you’d lost track), you’re sitting on the kitchen floor in your pyjamas, slowly cleaning the kitchen utensils one by one, as a stream of tears cascade down your cheeks. 

You’d laid out a soft blanket to sit on as you gently cleaned and placed each utensil back into the cutlery tray, your back leaning against the lower cabinets. 

Suddenly, your mindless scrubbing is interrupted by Silco walking into the kitchen, mug in his hand as he heads over to the coffee machine like he’s on auto-pilot. But at the sight of you camped out on the floor, he freezes. 

At first, his expression is one of surprise, that is, until he realises that you’re crying and it instantly melts into one of worry, and dare you say… aching? 

Silco places the decorated monkey mug on the table and moves to sit down next to you on the blanket, his knees bent as he leans back against the cabinets with you. Slowly, slowly, he reaches towards you, gently wiping the tears from your cheeks with his thumb.

Your heart feels like it’s being squeezed at his tender gesture. 

Unable to make eye contact just yet, you continue to look down at the spork in your lap, sniffling a little.

“Did you know that sporks were invented after there was a national shortage of forks and people whittled their spoons just so they could eat?” you eventually say.

“Really?” he asks incredulously, his eyebrow raising. He definitely doesn’t believe you, so there’s no point doubling down on the lie.

“No, I made it up,” you admit, a hint of coyness in your voice.

Silco rolls his eyes and sighs softly. There’s a shadow of your usual dynamic lining the conversation, but it’s much more delicate than normal. More unsteady, like neither of you want to rock the boat.

“Why are you still awake? It’s the middle of the night,” he asks gently. 

“Why are you still working?” you counter just as softly, finally meeting his gaze. 

He tilts his head in defeat and you sit in silence for a few moments. It’s not uncomfortable, far from it. Just… quiet. Space to think and feel each other’s energy. 

“I apologise if I-” “I’m sorry for overre-” you both suddenly say at the same time. 

Silco huffs a tiny little breath through his nose before nodding at you once, a gesture to let you speak first.

“I’m sorry for overreacting. I know you couldn’t really ask me if I was okay with being given shimmer when I was unconscious,” you explain, looking up at him anxiously with your head leaning back against the cabinets, almost pleading with him to understand where you were coming from. 

“I did it to save your life; I had no other choice,” he says sincerely. 

“I understand that and I’m grateful… because it meant I got to know you.” 

With that final word, you place your hand on his bent knee and he automatically tracks the motion. Silco gazes at your hand for a long few moments before looking up at your face. 

His expression is utterly heartbreaking. A deplorable mix of tenderness and confusion.

You can tell he’s thinking hard about something. But this time, you don’t push. 

He must have come to a decision because he pulls himself to stand up, looking down at you as he holds his hand out towards you.

“I want to show you something.”

“What is it?” you ask, taking his hand and letting him pull you to your feet. 

“I’ll explain when we get there.”

“But I’m wearing my jim jams,” you say bashfully, looking down at your current attire. 

“That’s okay, darling, you can wear my coat,” Silco replies, gently smoothing the rogue strands of hair from your face as he looks down at you softly. -

Silco takes you to one of the empty piers overlooking the River Pilt, letting you wear his large (and surprisingly warm) coat over your pyjamas the whole walk, and he even lets you keep it on when you both sit at the end of the pier, your legs dangling high above the water.

Your hand automatically snakes its way into his, your fingers linking together perfectly like they were designed to be alongside one another. 

And in the quiet, dead of night, Silco explains everything.

He tells you about his past. What happened to him in this very river. How his own brother betrayed him. How his eye became polluted. Why he has to take shimmer to counteract its effects. 

Why he continues to fight. 

He reveals it all and you simply listen, absorbing his words as easily as you absorb the heat from the side of his body pressed against yours.

You realise part-way through that this is the ultimate show of trust from the man who is infamously reserved in his personal affairs. Part of you wonders whether that’s just for power and control or whether it’s really because he’s never trusted anyone with it before. 

Before you. 

He’s revealing a part of himself to you that must be awfully painful to revisit. You feel honoured that he has so much faith in you.

Once he’s finished telling you his story, Silco gently asks what you’re worried about. And not just regarding the shimmer, but your job as his negotiator, and even about your general worries in life.

And apart from those thoughts concerning your entangled feelings about him, you tell it all. 

Silco makes you feel infinitely better with the way he makes you feel listened to. If he can’t offer a solution, he simply squeezes your hand, letting you know he’s there. 

There for you.

When you’re finished, you lean your head against his shoulder, with the knowledge that things are okay now. You almost feel a little bit silly for worrying so much about talking it through with him. 

And though you know for sure that you never want to have a disagreement with him again, you’re also aware that you’re both probably stronger for it now. You know each other better. And you also know that there’s a new level of trust between you that simply wasn’t this strong before. 

It’s the closest you’ve felt to someone in a long time. 

Your body leaning against his and your hands still interlinked, Silco absentmindedly strokes his thumb across your own, the action soothing not only your skin, but your previously troubled spirit. 

You decide right there and then to gift him with all the love you hold for him in your overflowing heart. 

“Silco?” you say quietly into the still air of the night.

“Yes, my lovely?”

“You deserve to be happy.”

Silco is quiet for a long while and you think he’s not going to say anything else. With your head on his shoulder, you can’t see his expression, but you do feel his shoulder rise and fall when he takes a slow, deep inhale and exhale of cool air. 

Finally, celestially, he speaks again. 

“As do you, my dear, as do you.”

-

PART 6

A/N: i hope this wasn’t too sad!! There’s a lot more fun scenes to come, i promise! also i’m sorry for being such a daft little goblin with this fic, it’s just that nobody has stopped me yet and i have zero self-control :)))

-

Tag list: @htmlbitxh @pinkrose1422 @jennithejester @wondermia69 @redskull199987 @paradoxdraggon 

#silco #silco x reader #silco x f!reader #silco x you #silco fic #silco arcane #part 5

[zylian]

Au where everytime Subz returns to his base (any base since he has multiple) from either building/mining/exploring there is always someone in there, never 2 ppl only ever 1 person. Fyi Subz lives alone and doesn’t tell ppl where he lives

——

Most frequent is Planet, always makes himself a cup of hot chocolate chilling somewhere in the base. When Subz returns as if he’s a record tape he asks why Subz took so long. Subz never understands how Planet never fails to ask that question but Subz had come to learn out of all his “visitors” Planet is probably the most tame one

Less frequent is Zam surprisingly and whenever Subz comes back to find him, Zam has already made himself comfortable. He’s super warm welcoming to Subz or ominously asks a vague question that Subz knows that he has to answer right or Zam will go off to start some war without giving him the full context.

Occasionally is Speptical, he is rarely awake to greet Subz, he has usually crashed on the couch but when he is awake he has an extremely interesting story to tell.

——

Subz has gotten used to these visitors but when it’s not any of these 3 he has no idea what to expect.

When Spoke is there, Subz immediately knows he needs to move soon, like a crow warning bad things are a foot. He usually is here to eat all of Subz’s snacks.

When Mapiccs there he either straight up doesn’t talk to him or needs his attention the entire time. Mapicc will absolutely tell the current drama he’s in to Subz for validation. Mapicc sleeps over every time, he even makes a little fort in Subz’s living room.

When Parrot shows up, Subz immediately tries to leave. He rather wait for him to leave because If Parrots in his home he either is extremely tired and just wants to crash or will drag Subz into some sketchy ethical stuff.

When Roshambo arrives, Subz is worried. This man does not say a word, usually just sitting on his couch mindlessly watching TV. Subz offers him snacks and water cause he can’t imagine what could of happened for Ro to show up in his base.

When Pangi shows up, Subz knows Pangi got mixed into something and usually waits for Pangi to open up. Pangi usually makes a garden somewhere in Subz’s base that Subz has to take care or else Pangk would get sad.

When Red arrives, Red is concerned. Telling Subz to take a break for his health right before asking to go on some wild idea he has. Red rarely comes by but is the most welcomed.

When Leo shows up, Subz knows something is wrong. Someone has crossed Leo’s path and from the story Leo is about to tell him, Subz has to hope it only involves losing a few items to aid him.

More ppl but summed up——

Clutch is polite, but eats his food.

Vortex somehow always has nothing when he’s there, he always needs an enderchest

Vitalasy forgets where Subz lives so he can never surprise him, he always has to ask

Terrain NEVER comes inside uninvited, he waits outside and is possibly the most polite guest ever

Bacon usually needs to trade information

Jaron just wants to look at the base

Poafa gets kicked out

Ashswag accidentally stumbles upon it always

Clown looks around and has a normal chat with him

Mid has TEA to spill from ppl who’ve annoyed her, a life update usually

Cube is very appreciative and helps around to unattended plants and such

Woogie cleans up immediately and makes Subz a proper meal, while asking about his life

Rekrap stumbles upon it but never overstays

Branzy is usually looking for something that Subz somehow never has

Minute is just shocked, he can’t help it and Subz asks him how long he’s been like this

Jumper runs away the second she sees that Subz is back. All Subz knows is she was watching TV

4C is very happy to be there, usually needs a place to crash and is happy to tell his side of the story.

#I love casual aus they just have a good vibe to me #zy au #random zy thought 💭

[insipid-drivel]

DID vs. PTSD: A Surprising Showdown

After spending months basically going door to door looking for a therapist, I finally met one that's taken a particular interest in the way my PTSD and DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder, aka "multiple personalities") fight against one another rather than compound on one another.

It all started today when I was feeling generally Angry about some bad memories I had stewing in my head from the days when I was still in my abusive biological father's custody. You don't get DID without an element of abuse or neglect at a young age, so it's not a big shock to hear folks/systems talk casually about a traumatic event. Mine comes largely from my biological father, who I very seriously refer to as a psychopath. After many years of describing him to mental health professionals across different focuses in my own journey toward finding the right doctor, "psychopathy" is a word I've heard used a lot by them in response. This isn't to say all psychopaths are bad people or inherently abusive. I just happened to be stuck with one that was.

Like a lot of people with PTSD, there are days or moments where my head feels stuck in a particular moment, and it's hard to shake off the negative emotions that result. I've done enough work that I can generally make progress in pulling myself out of ruts like that if I have an opportunity to talk through exactly what's going on in my mind. I mentioned to my therapist that I often sink into my DID and embrace my alter personalities for help in wiggling loose from the cycle of memory and emotion. It's a very natural behavior for me, because many of my memories that took extensive work to recover were a result of my alters "returning" them to me. Memories of dissociative events aren't entirely lost to my brain, and are instead stored by the personality/ies that were in the forefront of my consciousness at the time an event occurred. With enough work learning how to communicate and negotiate a symbiotic relationship with them, they gradually began "giving back" the memories to me.

My therapist stopped me at this point. We were on a video call, and I could see she was intrigued and perplexed at the same time. She asked me, "Can't you ask for your memories back since you learned to speak back and forth with them?" (For context, I didn't learn how to talk freely with my alters until I was about 28. Before then, the little buggers were very stealthy and hiding as the characters from books I'd written)

"I can," I said, but I had to qualify it. "They don't always agree to do it."

I'm used to the jot of concern that comes on any therapist's face when they're first learning about how my DID ticks. At first blush, some of our "protocols" seem restrictive and on the edge of giving them too much control. I personally welcome the system and was part of its construction, because when you have people in your head that can take your body for a walk on a whim, forming positive relationships built on trust and firmly-established boundaries keeps everyone feeling like they've got an equal space to work from.

So, she asked, "What happens when they're not sure if you're ready to remember something?" - A great question, by the way, because we're not flawless. My Team, as I prefer to call them, aren't perfect. Quite a few of them struggle with basic etiquette like wearing pants. Plus, making it a rule that they're capable of flaws keeps things interesting and promotes growth and communication, in my experience.

"I'm given options," I said in return. "I can either remember through a dream. If the memory is too intense, the dream can be trashed and forgotten before I wake up. It subverts a lot of the damage of letting the flashback play out completely." I'll wake up feeling distraught and upset, but the finer details of the memory will be completely gone. It kind of feels like my Team is able to quickly reset my brain to its most recent previous version in the event of a mistake like that.

She nodded along while I continued. "The other option is to remember while awake, but the memory is altered by the personality that remembers it. Instead of remembering as though it's happening all over again, the memory will be tweaked so the other personality is physically present and capable of intervening or speaking through the memory, and even outright changing what happens in it."

This is where my therapist's interest reached its most piqued. I'd used a real example where my biological father had attempted to harm me in response for something I'd said back to him. It was one of the more intense moments that I'd ever dissociated and switched personalities with my Enforcer. I dissociated from the event so intensely that she was able to manifest more strength than normal and seriously injured my biological father. He wound up in the hospital getting emergency surgery, and I remembered none of it.

My therapist began to explain a form of memory regression therapy that utilized similar tools, except the imaginary helpers were usually real people, such as loved ones and friends. Through this therapy, the survivor could reenact a traumatic moment while experiencing the sense of support and protection provided by the volunteers.

"It's like your alters have learned how to do that organically to help you heal," she concluded, looking off in the mid-distance while she fiddled with her glasses. I pointed out that what I'd just described was why I wasn't going to her for help with my Team or my DID.

She asked me one final question before our session came to a close. "How is it that you got the negative-presenting ones to become positive helpers?"

She was referencing Marchosias, one of my Team that scared the shit out of me throughout my childhood. It's not weird for kids with DID to perceive their alters - especially negatively-tuned or aggressive ones - as paranormal activity. Marchosias was the only one of my alter personalities that actually did physical harm to me - mostly through scratches. Otherwise, I would perceive him as trying to drag me out of bed by my feet at night, shaking my bed, or chasing me down hallways to try and pull me into dark rooms. One of the reasons I became a practicing Druid at 14 was as a coping mechanism for learning how to fight what I thought was a demon.

I explained to her, "I eventually figured out how to see that scary time through his eyes." Alter personalities aren't necessarily born into the world knowing everything (or more) that the brain they're living in knows. Some are confused and need guidance. Others are aggressive and angry because they can sense the stress and trauma of the primary ego, but don't know how to help or make it stop.

I had to talk to him for a long time and ply him with encouragement. Marchosias isn't proud of the way he treated me when we were both surviving. My biological father was a big guy - about 6'3" and always 200lbs+. I'm a small person, and that's when it clicked.

Marchosias was trying to abscond with me, as it were. The rooms he tried to pull me into were ones that my biological father couldn't easily fit into, like a small side bathroom or an honest-to-god closet. The scratch marks I got on occasion were from his clawing attempts to pull me out of where I was to drag me to where I'd be safe, even if that was just under the bed.

He was treating me like an adult trying to take a frightened pet to a vet. I couldn't understand the scope of what he was trying to do, and as far as I could tell some eldritch entity was Trying To Take Me Away, but our relationship underwent a serious mending once I understood that he was trying to take me away from where the trauma was originating from.

All in all, it was a very intriguing session, and further substantiation that DID, systems, alters, teams, multiples, or whichever is your preferred term isn't just a source of dysfunction; it has the power to form abstract methods of healing, too.

#long post #did/osdd #actual did #actual osdd #stuff my therapist says #tw: abuse #ptsd #ptsd recovery

[ectonurites]

I'm not against Kon and Steph getting along. But last time I remember, Kon hated and treated Steph poorly. I might be wrong, since I've never really followed his comic after that. Not sure if there is still some grudge between them.

I really hated that Fritzman only use Setph only for supporting plot, without context. They broke up off panel, Steph and Kon become friend off panel.. like, really? It was all too sudden, and doesn't make sense at all (continuity wise)

So there was one issue/instance of Kon treating Steph poorly- back when Steph had become Robin and he couldn’t find Tim:

(Teen Titans Vol. 3 #13)

Now, it definitely sucks that he was a jerk to her and he was being unreasonable, but it was an isolated incident. Before this they’d been in the same space (like during some YJ 98 stuff and a few other big group cameos in assorted books) and while they hadn’t really directly talked, they seemed to interact fine.

And like, after the Steph as Robin incident like once he’d actually talked to Tim there… he definitely did not seem to be holding any sort of grudge. He was mad at the situation (could not find Tim, and this girl was saying she’s Robin when as far as he knew Tim should be Robin) more than her, Stephanie Brown, as a person. She could have been anyone there and he’d likely have reacted the same (in fact, many years later when Damian is Robin instead of Tim, Kon thinks/acts similarly- just a bit more calmly because at that point he’d grown up a bit).

But like, even just later in pre-reboot continuity we got this line, during Steph’s time as Batgirl, definitely implying any anger towards her is gone:

(Teen Titans Vol. 3 #92)

Then in terms of post-New 52, important to remember/acknowledge that our current Kon is theoretically the same Kon as pre-reboot… so his feelings really wouldn’t have changed. And if there’s anyone to point a finger at for deciding ‘Steph & Kon are friends now’ off-panel it’d be Bendis during YJ 2019 not Fitzmartin:

(Young Justice (2019) #10)

(Young Justice (2019) #18)

So continuity-wise there, picking up after Young Justice 2019 stuff, having present day Steph reach out to Kon when she’s worried about Tim and the two of them continuing to talk after that feels like it makes total sense to me.

In terms of the breakup happening off-panel, I agree that’s frustrating (that’s definitely been one of my biggest criticisms of the story since Batman: Urban Legends #4 dropped). But I don’t agree that Steph’s use in the story was ‘without context’ unless you are looking at #4 & #5 without #6.

The last issue of the story gives us the context of why they broke up- that Tim broke up with her for ‘no reason’ (implied by the conversation with Detective Williams that he panicked because of this internal conflict about fitting to an idea of who he thinks he needs to be/this sexuality stuff that he didn’t know how to articulate and just ended things suddenly. Which, i’ve said before but will say again, feels reminiscent to me of when he broke up with Zo suddenly over the phone with no context given to her back at the end of Robin because he thought he might die the next day- Tim not communicating what he’s going through to a partner has been seen in most of his relationships, and him suddenly ending a relationship because of it isn’t unprecedented) leaving her confused (and as we know from #5 concerned) about it:

(Batman: Urban Legends #6)

In an interview (on the Gotham Outsiders Podcast) Fitzmartin had talked about some of the reasoning for choices with Steph having a small role/why the breakup wasn’t shown that made me a bit more at peace with it (basically two main things: page space because each installment was only 10 pages, and wanting to actively avoid Steph acting as an explainer for Tim- a role she has filled in his books before- during this whole thing. Basically to let the story’s focus be on Tim’s internal thoughts as he has to start figuring things out, rather than having someone like her who knows him super well reading him like a book. Having Detective Williams in a sort of guidance role instead worked because he is an outside person that barely knows Tim, a new character, and also is relating his own experiences with this sort of thing to Tim).

Considering the fact that we’ll now be getting Tim & Steph finally talking about some of this stuff, I think it’ll overall feel better once we’ve seen this next part of the story. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if we get a flashback to the breakup while they talk about it or something tbh.

But also genuinely, Tim had been having internal crises of a sort for a whole long while (I’d go as far as to say ever since Lonely Place of Living during Detective Comics- having future Tim around caused a whole lot of internal conflict for him then and later in that run too, then finding all the missing memories, then the whole ‘trying to be Drake’ thing, etc) before Urban Legends, and wasn’t always open about them with Steph! (Like the whole ‘he decided he wasn’t going to go to college and then Did Not Tell Her for a while’ conflict once he came back from LPoL that did kinda lead to a temporary breakup with them during ‘tec, for example). So him continuing to have internal crises (now this sexuality stuff) and not communicating it to Steph (thus deciding to cut things off) makes perfect sense to me in context of all of that- he’s struggled to figure out who he is and how he fits into things (and how to articulate what he’s going through during this struggle) for years at this point, and this is all just a continuation of that.

[deathlessathanasia]

Some more or less common Greek mythology misconceptions that I am particularly annoyed by/tired of seeing (not including misconceptions concerning the personalities of the major gods or else I’d be here all day typing this):

1. Chaos is male

- Chaos is not personified in the way Gaia, Ouranos, Nyx or other so-called primordials are, so in this sense we can hardly call it either male or female. In fact, the word is neuter in gender, though considering that Chaos seems to sort of “conceive” (with or without a partner) and “give birth”, it behaves more like a female deity. Nonnos does seem to refer to it as a male though, so it’s not entirely baseless.

2. Chaos is some kind of all-powerful being, the creator of everything and akin to the Christian god

- Uhm, not at all? In Hesiod’s Theogony Chaos is the first being to come into existence, that much is true, but the only deities that emerge from it are Erebos and Nyx. The passage in Hesiod describing the cosmogony is often interpreted in a way that makes it look like the other actually self-generated beings (Gaia, Tartaros, Eros)  were born from Chaos rather than simply after it and with no connection to it, but the text definitely doesn’t say this. Look at any translation of the Theogony and compare the way Gaia and Nyx are described as coming into existence. In the more or less parodic cosmogony from Aristophanes’ Birds, all that chaos “creates”, not alone but mating with Eros, is the race of the birds. In the different Orphic cosmogonies and the cosmogony of Pherekydes, the first being in existence is called Chronos (Time), or Nyx (Night) sometimes even Hydros (Water), with Chaos being usually simply one of the offspring of Chronos and the actual creator deity being Phanes/Protogonos. Differing genealogies aside, there is absolutely no evidence of Chaos being a particularly powerful, revered or feared deity, let alone omnipotent or the like.

3. The Titans are a different species than the gods

- The Titans are a subcategory of gods: all Titans are gods, but not all gods are called Titans, just like all Olympians are gods but not all gods are called Olympian. The Titans are often referred to as “Titan gods” and those of them who receive worship are worshiped just like any other god. That said, if we restrict the word god to only actual religious figures, then indeed quite a few Titans aren't gods, since they don't receive any worship and are just literary characters.

4. Kronos is the god of time

- Kronos the king of the Titans was identified/confused with Chronos (Time) in later ancient texts, especially in the context of philosophy, but Kronos has nothing to do with time in either myth or cult and Chronos was generally acknowledged as a different being, the god (sometimes described as a three-headed serpent) who generated the great cosmic egg.

5. Only the sons of Kronos fought in the Titanomachia, his daughters sat idly by and cheered from the sidelines... or something

- It is true that, unlike their brothers, Hestia, Demeter and Hera are never said to receive any weapons or magical items from the Kyklopes. However, Hesiod clearly mentions both males and females among the combatants: “So he said: and the gods, givers of good things, applauded when they heard his word, and their spirit longed for war even more than before, and they all, both male and female, stirred up hated battle that day, the Titan gods, and all that were born of Cronos together with those dread, mighty ones of overwhelming strength whom Zeus brought up to the light from Erebus beneath the earth.” and Nonnos has Hera claim that she “took strong part in the war against Kronos her father and helped Zeus in his fight.”

6. As the oldest son Of Kronos, Hades should have been the rightful king of the gods

- primogeniture is not a thing among the Greek gods. Ouranos was not the eldest primordial, and Kronos was explicitly the youngest Titan god.

7. Zeus became the king of the gods unfairly and/or he cheated during the division of the cosmos

- in all the accounts we have regarding the Titanomachia and the events immediately preceding and following it, Zeus has by the far the most numerous and important contributions. He, among other things, freed his siblings from Kronos, found allies among the older gods and their children, liberated the Hekatoncheires and the Kyklopes and thus gained vital assistance from them in the war, and even personally fought Kronos for the throne (Pausanias 5. 7. 10). According to Hesiod he became king at the urging of the other gods and with the support of Gaia, and Kallimachos says on the subject that “Lots did not make you (Zeus) king of the gods, but the works of your hands, your strength and power, which you  have set by your throne.). As for the casting of lots which Homer and other authors mention, there is no indication that it was rigged in Zeus’s favour..

8. Poseidon is more powerful than Zeus

- Poseidon doesn’t seem to agree, judging by what he tells Hera in Book VIII of the Iliad: “‘Wild words, Hera, ever reckless in your speech! I’d wish none of us to quarrel with Zeus, the son of Cronos, mightiest of us by far.’”.

9. Hera never wanted to marry Zeus, she had to be tricked into it or she only married him out of shame after he raped her

- in the one account in which Hera refuses to marry Zeus, she is persuaded by a son of Gaia and there is not the slightest suggestion of rape or trickery or anything of the sort; in the one account where  Hera refuses to have sex with Zeus because of their mother, he promises to make her his wife in response and there is no indication that she keeps refusing him after this, though there is no mention of her accepting either, and the one account that seems to involve assault makes no mention of marriage.

10. Hera takes issue with and persecutes all or most of Zeus’s side pieces and children

- Nowhere near close to that. Leto, Io, Semele and Kallisto are the only women she is consistently shown to punish in varying accounts. As for children, she is angry at the birth of Athena in several sources, in multiple accounts tries to prevent the birth of Apollon, and famously persecuted Dionysos and Herakles from their birth onward. Needless to say that Zeus had sex with far more women and fathered far more children than these

11. Hera persecuted Leto even though Zeus’s relationship with her took place before he married Hera

- there is precisely one single source in which Zeus’s relationship with Leto precedes that with Hera, and it so happens that this particular source says nothing about any persecution of Leto at Hera’s hand. In Apollon’s Homeric Hymn, the oldest detailed account of his birth, Hera is not only already involved with Zeus at the time of Leto’s pregnancy, but she also has at least one child with him, Eileithyia, whom she uses against Leto causing her to suffer the pains of labour for nine days and nine nights. In Kallimachos Hymn to Delos, again a very detailed account of Leto’s pregnancy, Hera is quite clearly Zeus’s wife and Leto his mistress. In this account, too, Hera already has at least one child with Zeus, Ares, and she uses him (and Iris) to harass and make life difficult for the pregnant Leto. In fact, in this source, Hera is upset by Leto's pregnancy precisely because she is about to bear a son who will be dearer to Zeus than the son he already has by Hera.

12. Hera doesn’t hate Athena because she was the product of a previous marriage of Zeus, so before Hera became his wife

- Be wary of any generalisations of this sort, as they are usually seriously reductive takes on complex and often contradictory traditions, not to mention that, in this instance, such an idea is not actually supported by any source. Indeed Hera doesn’t seem to hate Athena, but there is no evidence that she hates most of the other children of Zeus, either. The idea that Athena is somehow an exception to Hera’s universal hatred for everything sired by Zeus is born from misconception #10. As a matter of fact, the birth of Athena makes Hera exceptionally angry in those literary sources in which her reaction is mentioned, regardless of whether Metis is said to be Athena’s mother or not. Like in the case of Leto, there is precisely one source where Zeus’s relationship with Metis precedes his marriage to Hera, not that it has any relevance, since even in that account Hera is absolutely furious and quarrels with Zeus after he “gives birth” to Athena, and she has Hephaistos on her own. In the Homeric Hymn to Apollon her anger is made even more explicit than in Hesiod’s Theogony -- she outright states her offense at Zeus giving birth to Athena by himself, after which she plans to have a child on her own; not Hephaistos this time, as in this account he already exists when Athena is born and was rejected by Hera who compares him unfavourably to Zeus’s new daughter. Not only does she have a child on her own like in Hesiod’s Theogony, but she actually leaves Olympos, specifically prays for a child stronger than Zeus and stays away from the other gods for an entire year during which “never at all she came to the bed of great Zeus of the counsels, never at all she took the elaborate throne where aforetimes she had been seated, devising for him grave counsels of prudence;”. This is the most extreme reaction she ever had to the birth of any child of Zeus. Speaking of complex and contradictory, in the Bibliotheke of Apollodoros Zeus is already married to Hera when he has sex with Metis, yet Hera is not mentioned here to give a damn about Athena’s birth. Meanwhile in a fragment attributed to Hesiod, a quarrel between Zeus and Hera is the catalyst for the engendering of both Hephaistos and Athena: “Out of this strife she [Hera] bore a glorious son by her devices, without Zeus who holds the aegis, Hephaestus, who excelled all the sons of Heaven with his skilled hands. But he [Zeus] lay with the daughter of Ocean and beautiful-haired Tethys, apart from fair-cheeked Hera, deceiving Metis, shrewd though she was.”. In short, Hera sometimes is angered by Athena’s birth, sometimes she doesn’t seem to care, in one tradition (attested in art rather than in literature) she apparently rejoiced as if Athena were her daughter too. Whether Zeus’s relationship with Metis takes place before or after his marriage to Hera, or even whether or not Athena is said to have a mother at all, has no bearing on Hera’s anger.

13. Hera threw Hephaistos from Olympos because he was ugly

- Both Hera (Homeric Hymn 3) and Hephaistos (the Iliad) make it clear that Hera wanted to get rid of this son of hers because he was disabled.

14. In another version, it was Zeus who tossed Hephaistos off the mountain, not Hera

- yes, but in the version where Hera is responsible for this deed, Hephaistos is a baby rejected because of his deformity, while in the accounts where Zeus is responsible for his fall, Hephaistos is grown and incurs Zeus’s anger by trying to interfere with Hera’s punishment. There is no version in which Zeus tosses Hephaistos from Olympos as a baby, or in which he is motivated in doing it by his deformity or by the fact that he is only Hera’s child.

15. Poseidon raped Medusa in Athena’s temple and the goddess transformed her into a gorgon in punishment

- this is the Roman poet Ovid’s reimagining of Medusa and it has no basis in ancient Greek sources. In the Greek texts Medusa is born a gorgon, albeit a mortal one and has sex with Poseidon “in a soft meadow and among spring flowers”, according to Hesiod.

16. Athena turned Medusa into a gorgon in order to protect her

- absolutely baseless and revisionistic idea, which also conveniently ignores the fact that Athena helped Perseus Kill Medusa.

17. Hera cursed Echo

- Again, Ovid’s tale. I have never found any ancient Greek source that connects Echo with Hera in any way. Instead, the one responsible for Echo’s predicament is Pan, whose sexual advances she refused and in revenge she was torn into pieces.

18. In some versions, Persephone went willingly with Hades

- This is an old one and people just adore it, but no one has yet managed to find any actual evidence supporting this idea.

19. In the original version of the myth

- Just no.

20. Hekate is Hades’ friend and/or underling

- Nope. Hekate is associated with Demeter and Persephone, not with Hades. She helps Demeter in the search for her daughter and becomes Persephone’s companion in the underworld.

21. Ares and Eris (or Enyo) are twins

- There is no evidence for this. Eris is called the sister of Ares in the Iliad, Enyo is called his sister in Quintus Smyrnaeus’ The Fall of Troy, but there is no indication whatsoever that either of them is his twin.

22. Hera, Poseidon, Athena and Apollon attempted and failed to overthrow Zeus. Hera, Poseidon and Apollon were punished for it (she by being suspended in chains from her wrists, the other two by being “made into mortals” and being forced to build the walls of Troy), but Athena received no punishment because of parental favoritism

- The only primary Greek source that mentions this event in some detail and names the participants is Homer’s Iliad, where Apollon is not mentioned alongside the other three and where no punishment is talked about for any of them in the context of this rebellion. We hear in Book XV of Hera’s infamous punishment at Zeus’s hand, but the reason for it is her persecution of Herakles, not her participation in any coup against her husband. Later we learn of Poseidon and Apollon building the walls of Troy (or Poseidon building the walls and Apollon herding Laomedon’s cattle) at Zeus’s command, but Homer never gives a reason for this. In the Bibliotheke of Apollodoros, Hera’s hanging is likewise attributed to Zeus’s anger for her persecution of Herakles, and Poseidon and Apollon are said to have built the walls of Troy in order to test Laomedon. Some scholiasts, it is true, have added Apollon to the list of rebel gods mentioned in the Iliad and have attributed punishments to them. However, since Homer says nothing about them being punished for that particular reason, the scholiasts had to take the punishments of gods mentioned in the Iliad and 1) in the case of Hera, entirely change the motivation for her punishment; 2) in the case of Poseidon and Apollon, attribute a reason for their service for Laomedon; 3) in the case of Athena, leave her without a punishment because, loyal to her father as she is in all but this particular story of rebellion with Hera and Poseidon, there were no instances of her being punished to use here.

23. Goddesses are shamed for having sex

- It is true that goddesses seem to be far more restricted than the gods in this sense, but nowhere near as restricted as mortal women. Aphrodite, Demeter and Eos all have sexual relationships with multiple people and are not judged (Hephaistos making a public scandal over Aphrodite and Ares and Aphrodite punishing Eos for sleeping with her lover are exceptions based on the relationships between the characters) or considered lesser for it, nor do they suffer any personal consequences, though their mortal partners might.

24. Ares is so often portrayed negatively because he was the patron god of Sparta. The Athenians weren't on good terms with the Spartans and since most myths come from Athens, Ares is the victim of Athenian propaganda and this is why Athena is always portrayed as being superior to him.

- First of all, the negative portrayal of Ares as compared to Athena precedes the conflicts between ancient Sparta and Athens. Moreover, other gods were actually more important for the Spartans than Ares and the Athenians respected and worshipped those gods all the same. And funnily enough, that story that people like to bring up when arguing about how Ares is actually a better person than other gods, the one about him killing the man who assaulted his daughter and being put on trial as a result, is an Athenian myth.

25. Makaria, the daughter of Hades, is married to Thanatos

- Good luck finding any legitimate sources claiming this.

#this post could go on forever #these are just a few I see most often or which I find most egregious #there's more to be added #ramblings #pet peeve #greek mythology #misconceptions

[demoisverysexy]

Just saw a post where someone who seemed to be in favor of ending abortion was getting angry at someone for saying that abolishing roe v. wade would end hookup culture. And I found that interesting. So I wanted to share some of my thoughts on that.

Let us say that we are in favor of individual freedoms, like conservatives claim to be. If that is the case, then we must be opposed to any action that would harm the individual freedoms of others. One of the most fundamental freedoms we can have is bodily autonomy: the freedom to do what we want with our own bodies. The only times anyone could make a claim to go against someones bodily autonomy in a legal sense is if they are inhibiting the bodily autonomy of others. One could perhaps make a case for someone using their bodily autonomy to harm themselves as well, but let us for now focus on bodily autonomy in the context of interpersonal relationships.

Speaking sexually, there is no way to attempt to limit peoples ability to have sex with whatever consenting adult they want to without limiting their bodily autonomy. In this case, if the State seeks to punish or constrain people for having sex as they please, then the right to have sex is not a freedom, or even a privilege. It is a mandate that is only given within certain constraints. And this opens the gate for all kinds of abuse. If you assume that sex is only permissable within certain constraints, this implies that only certain kinds of people may have sex (married men and women). This could (and will!) lead very quickly to the stripping away of the rights of queer people to have sex with whom they please, or even interracial couples (I am not exaggerating here. Conservative lawmakers are currently openly saying that interracial marriage should be left to the states). To limit one type of bodily autonomy is to leave the door open to limiting all types of bodily autonomy.

Which takes us to abortion. One surefire way to limit peoples ability to have sex is to attack abortion. And the people most affected by this are people who can give birth: cis women, trans men, etc. etc. In stripping away the right to safe and legal abortions, you are making it clear that a woman's role in life is not to do as she pleases, but to make babies. Her body is no longer her own, but property of her husband and the State. Her safety and autonomy are of no concern. If she dies because she cannot receive a safe and legal abortion, that is a tragedy, but nothing more. Her body is not hers, but rather a place or an object that can be used by others to further their own ends. She is property, a machine. Her personhood and freedom comes second to her uteral capabilities. To conservatives, the term "woman's body" is a contradiction. To them, women do not have bodies, they merely live in them. Or are rather contained within female bodies.

So it is rich to see people saying that in ending hookup culture by abolishing abortion, women's bodily autonomy would be protected because sexist men cant just fuck as they please any more. This is missing the forrest for the trees. The problem is not abortion, it is patriarchy. The problem of men seeing womens bodies as things they can own and rule and master does not go away with abortion. In some ways it becomes worse, more pronounced. Many of the freedoms women currently have are tied to freedom of abortion. We try to remove that right at our own peril.

#feminism #leftism #abortion #pro choice #roe vs. wade

[trans-seraphim]

with a resigned sigh, i begin down another pointless research rabbit hole: is the sexualization of maid outfits in the trans community because of anime?

oh fuck here we go

following is a comment i wrote, slightly edited:

I'm tempted to say it's connected to the prominence and sexualization of maids in anime, which anecdotally is a fairly common interest among transfems (the shut-in nerd to transfem pipeline is real because dysphoria's a bitch). However, maids have been sexualized for a while (see Elvgren's famous maid pinup), easily before Japanese animation had any following abroad. I believe it is possible that the increased popularity of anime contributed to a resurgence of the trend or perhaps garnered interest from people who formerly were not interested in maid outfits. It's likely that Japanese-style maid uniforms, at least, were popularized through anime.

One of my Asian Studies professors has this to say (NSFW, discussion of porn/sex ahead)

Me: [...] I feel like it has to go back further, but do you feel like anime culture intensified it?

Them: This. Sexy maids are like a French porn thing. Being able to fuck the help at will? Peak bougie aspirational fantasy. Japanese anime/manga just picked up this western fetish and morphed it/accelerated it. Maid cafes are fairly recent… maybe like mid-90s?* I’m sure there were earlier experiments but the [Akihabara] versions were in the otaku boom.

* For context, the first permanent maid cafe went up in 2001 in Akihabara

I feel like a fool for not blaming the French. I mean, one of the common ways to refer to them are as French maids. Then, traditional gender roles give you the shift from fucking the help to being the help. In a world without anime, we might get the maid fixation in trans spaces due to French maids alone, but I kinda doubt it would be nearly as prominent.

Further, as written by Patrick Galbraith: "In the 1970s, some turned to the shōjo, the woman who is not one, as a source of alternative intimacy. Novelist and critic Honda Tōru argues that at the time consumption had come to play an increasingly important role in courting in Japan, and women gravitated towards men with resources. He describes this as 'love capitalism' (renai shihon shugi), an extension of market logic also reflected in discussion of 'the love gap' (renai kakusa), roughly corresponding to the income gap. According to Honda, men marginalised by this system, especially 'otaku' types investing in hobbies rather than relationships, turned to the fictional girls (the shōjo) of manga and anime. Such characters provide 'pure love' (junai), or love free of socioeconomic concerns. Honda is all too aware that this is an impossible ideal, which is precisely why it is only possible as fiction." (Galbraith 2011)

Some familiar with the man might problematize me citing Galbraith, but his analysis of Honda is fair and succinct. If we are to believe that maids specifically and shōjo more broadly stand in as objects of affection that are free from economic concerns for men marginalized by capitalism, it seems believable that transfems marginalized by transphobia (and also capitalism) would connect to maids as a form of aspirational femininity. Women are often expected to provide emotional comfort, and so the maid might be said to be a symbol of the desire to do so - perhaps more than that, as an embodiment of the ability to do so; or, seen more negatively, as a representation of the expectation to do so. I still think this connects to sexualization; emotional comfort is not the only comfort at play here.

I also think it's important to note that the maid trope is prevalent in online trans spaces and is not something I would associate with the transfem community more broadly. Naturally, these are trans spaces most proximate to otaku culture.

#things #trans ref #queer ref #media ref