#spreading positivity and kindness starts from the smallest incidents

[talistheintrovert]

Deleting my fic

Hi everyone! I just posted an explanation in my Salem Fic about why I will be taking it down in the next few days. If you like, you can go look at it HERE or you can read it under the cut, but I felt the need to explain. 

I'm posting this to let everybody know that I am taking this fic down. I will leave it up for another day or two, and then it is permanently coming down as I have no desire to associate myself with this fic or its origins anymore.

I initially received a single anon comment on this fic when I posted it way back over a year ago:

ANON: Hi if you are going to borrow ideas for fics from other people, even if it’s out there on tumblr, you should at least credit them for the original idea.

and I responded the way I thought I should at the time:

hi, i'm gonna be honest - I forgot where this idea had even come from until you brought it up.

At the time i was planning to do this idea, i considered myself friends, or at least close acquaintances with the person who threw it out there, and offered to write it. Then I became very busy and decided to abandon the idea.

Then, after a bunch of things happened, I stopped talking to that person, and I'm fairly certain they wouldn't even want to see the fic or the credit, despite the idea no longer having anything to do with them.

When I found the idea again, all I had was a word document with a bunch of plot points and ideas written down, and was suddenly struck with the inspiration to write it again.

Because I had honestly forgotten to credit the person involved I will be sure to do that when I update it.

However, i do not appreciate you coming on anon to accuse me like this. I would never intentionally fuck someone else over, not EVER, and I resent the implication that I would. I will, however, be sure to credit Alex, because despite me no longer being friends with her, and the fact that we don't really talk anymore, I respect her enough as a human being not to let her think I'm treating her with disrespect.

Thanks for the anon.

I then reached out to Alex to clarify with her that I had not - nor would I EVER - intentionally steal the idea, and that I was going to clarify that on the fic itself, and she agreed, and we discussed the dissolution of our friendship and then didn't speak again. I went ahead and linked the post with her initial idea in it, which also has our interaction where I offered to write it.  

The circumstances surrounding the whole situation were unfortunate - I perceived her support of a certain fic as potentially harmful, and sent her One Single Anonymous Ask about it. I was relatively polite (although I do understand that anything on Anon can be perceived as impolite) and I asked her specifically because there was a rift growing among halves of the fandom and Alex had always been the person I knew to be the most level-headed and I figured if she could explain why she was right and I was wrong then I would apologise and leave it alone. Unfortunately, as with everything in fandom, it blew up.

I was not the only person who had taken issue with this fic, or the attitude that accompanied it, and MANY people - some that I knew, but most that I didn't - started to also send in asks, and a lot of them were a lot more accusatory, and I'm sure some of them were trolls deliberately designed to rile up the drama even further. Alex has since expressed to me that this all blew up around the time she was having a hard time, and I apologised to her as it was NEVER my intention to launch some kind of attack on her, or anyone. I explained that the reason I went on anon was because at the time, the issue of the fic was so personal to me and I wasn't ready to talk about it with anyone I was friends with online at a limited capacity, because it was part of my life. Just as Alex's own troubles at the time were unbeknownst to me.

I have since opened up about my personal experiences with some internet friends, and in the last two years have grown and learned how to move on with my life, but at that point, the pain was very raw and I didn't want to expose myself to that kind of drama where I would be forced to relive the trauma over and over again.

As it turned out, it didn't matter.

People decided that because I was posting about these issues (without necessarily explicitly bringing up my personal experiences), that not only did I send that one ask to Alex, but that I was responsible for MULTIPLE asks, that I had organised some kind of coordinated attack, that the entire rift was my fault and that I'd done it maliciously. And I spent MONTHS getting vicious, nasty, hateful anons that didn't even all address the issues they supposedly had with me, just told me I was a waste of space, that I didn’t belong, that I shouldn’t exist. I am sure Alex received her own number of those too, and I am truly sorry for that because no-one deserves to go through anything like that.

After Alex and I talked for the last time, I thought we had moved on. I unfollowed her and a number of other creators not because I had anything against them personally but because I realised this was an issue we were never going to agree on, and rather than stoke the flames I chose to step back from them entirely, so that I no longer had to see the content I was uncomfortable with. I respect her as a person, and as a content creator, and regardless of whether I am an avid follower of her anymore, I still support her ability to create and speak freely. I have never blocked her, nor have I ever sent any kind of anon/non-anon hate to her, and I have never, NEVER plagiarised, from her or anyone else.

And yet.

Close friends of mine within the fandom, friends that I don't even consider just fandom friends anymore - friends that I would live, breathe and die for, friends who I love more than anything in the world - have been periodically, over the last six or so months, receiving various anons claiming to be someone who has "had too much to drink" and telling them that I am a bad person, that it's "well known within the fandom" that I'm a plagiarist, and that it is "tiring to see such hypocrisy" when they preach about original content and then remain friends with me.

TO BE CLEAR: I don't think that Alex would do this.

So before anyone gets it twisted, this isn't some kind of EXPOSE where I drag someone's dirty laundry into the open, because I am absolutely not that kind of person, and the one time I waded into fandom drama, it caused this mess, and it ended my friendship with someone who had basically been the cause of me getting into this fandom in the first place. So no, I am not accusing Alex, or any of her friends, of sending these anons.

I understand if they dislike me because of what transpired over a year ago, and I have my own regrets about the entire situation, and I have no desire to bring it all back up again. I'm not doing this to get anyone to go after them or anyone else, because I don't think it's anyone's fault except the anon people in my friends' askboxes. My friends have never publicly addressed the asks, except for a single post this afternoon where Abby told the person to stop, and didn't even answer the ask or explicitly talk about what was said in it.

I don't mind if you hate me. Whether you dislike me on your own time or you do it in my askbox; I've gotten pretty used to anon hate, and I genuinely don't mind people throwing some my way - this is the internet. But when you're going out of your way to harass my friends, I cannot just ignore it.

That's my family you're talking to.

Whoever this anon person/anon people are, you are deliberately taking your personal opinion of me, and you are walking up to my family and telling them that I am not worth their time. You are telling them that I am a plagiarist, despite the SINGLE instance of "plagiarism" (this fic) being an honest mistake, and one that I immediately reconciled once I realised. This fic that I haven't updated since, because I wasn't sure when it would be acceptable for me to do so without upsetting Alex further, and have now decided to delete. I considered deleting it quietly, without explanation, as I did another one of my fics earlier this year (simply because it was a WIP that I was never planning on finishing) but I realised that deleting this fic without an explanation could potentially give this anon person/people more fuel to come after me with, and I really just want this whole drama to be over. It's been a year, and I have no desire to start the debate again, nor do I wish any ill will towards anyone, especially Alex, and I do not want to cause undue drama later down the line when this anon person/people returns to my friends askboxes to accuse them of helping me "hide the truth" or some other bullshit that has nothing to do with them or anyone else.

I'm putting this out in the open to make myself very clear: I am not a plagiarist. And if you have any assumptions that you feel the need to jump on anon to yell, it should be coming to me, not to my family.

This fandom was the first real fandom experience I had on tumblr. I have been involved in fandom culture for years, but always from afar, and it was because of Alex's fics that I found my way into this place, that I met the people I now call my family, and that I rediscovered my own confidence in my writing, confidence that had been lacking for some time due to my personal life. I will always be grateful to her for that.

My writing is my writing. It is deeply personal to me, as it is to every writer, and as someone who plans to have a career in writing, it is incredibly important to me that my work is my own. I would never intentionally steal (or as that anon commenter put "borrow") anything from anybody, and the implication that I would is truly hurtful, especially when it seems to come from a place of exclusively hate, with no actual understanding of the situation. A troll.

I would like to repeat myself: I DO NOT THINK THIS IS ALEX'S PROBLEM and anyone who jumps in her asks to talk about it is not really doing it for the "truth" or for anything other than their own desire to stir up drama. I will be sending the link to this chapter to her myself, because I do not wish for this to be something she stumbles across and assumes I am trying to pin the blame on her for something I categorically do not think she would ever do.

I just want to move on, and I want my friends to be left out of whatever vendetta this anon person/people have.

I am certain I will make more mistakes as I go forward, because that is the nature of growth, but I would like to believe that I have never done anything, especially any of this, as a desire to be malicious or to hurt anyone, even those people who I fundamentally disagree with and do not interact with anymore. I'm not remotely begging for sympathy in this situation - I don't need it, I am confident enough in myself to know that I would not intentionally hurt anyone - I am simply asking for my friends, my family, to be left out of whatever this bullshit is.

I'm sorry if you were expecting a chapter, and I'm sorry this was so long, but I wanted to be clear about where I stand right now.

The 100 is coming to an end soon, and soon all we will have of this show and this fandom is memories, tumblr content, and friendships, and I do not want to spend any more of the limited time we have while this show is still on the air, spreading negativity or letting it be spread. This isn't to start drama, this is to end it.

#fandom wank #the 100 #my fics #the first to speak is the first to lie #to be clear i fully expect this to blow back on me somehow #but i would rather that #than have this person or people continuously harass my friends #it's not fair on them #or on alex and her friends either #because i'm sure these same people are just as likely to be malicious to them #anyway #i know that this is small potatoes considering the state of the world at the moment #but i don't wanna continue letting hateful behaviour slide #regardless of how small the stakes are #spreading positivity and kindness starts from the smallest incidents #and anyone still trying to stir up this drama from a year ago is a TROLL #plain and simple

[harperhug]

In case the article gets paywalled:

What Good Is 'Raising Awareness?'

Just being educated about diseases isn't enough to make people healthier.

In 2010, a strange meme spread across Facebook. People’s feeds were suddenly filled with one-word statuses saying the name of a color, nothing more. And most of these posts were from women.

The women had received messages from their Facebook friends that were some variation on this, according to The Washington Post: "Some fun is going on ... just write the color of your bra in your status. Just the color, nothing else. It will be neat to see if this will spread the wings of breast cancer awareness. It will be fun to see how long it takes before people wonder why all the girls have a color in their status. Haha."

Oh, okay. It was for breast cancer awareness. Except, no, wait—how? The Susan G. Komen Foundation had nothing to do with it, though it did get them some Facebook fans, according to the Post story. It wasn’t clear at all who started it. There was no fundraising component to the campaign. And the posts weren’t informative at all. In fact, their whole point was to be mysterious. Maybe people asked their friends what they meant by just posting “beige” or “green lace” and then they had a meaningful conversation about breast-cancer screenings and risk factors, but I’d guess that happened rarely, if at all.

This incident is just one example of the nebulous phenomenon of “raising awareness” for diseases. Days, weeks, months are dedicated to the awareness of different health conditions, often without a clear definition of what “awareness” means, or what, exactly, is supposed to come of it.

Recommended Reading

According to a commentary published this month in the American Journal of Public Health, the United States has almost 200 official “health awareness days.” (The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services lists all national health observances on its website.) And that’s not counting all the unofficial ones, sponsored by organizations.

The paper was an attempt to begin to investigate whether awareness days actually improve people’s health. Jonathan Purtle, an assistant professor at Drexel University’s School of Public Health, teamed up with Leah Roman, a public-health consultant, to see whether awareness could even be quantified.

“We both kind of anecdotally observed that there seem to be more [awareness days] than ever,” Purtle says. “In public health, and in medicine, we’re putting more and more emphasis on evidence-based practices. Everything should be informed by science in some way. We asked ourselves, has anybody ever evaluated these things, do we know if they’re effective at all?”

The answer: Not many people have, and we really don’t.

Awareness days do seem to be on the rise, by at least a couple measures—the researchers found that more than 145 bills including the words “awareness day” have been introduced in U.S. Congress since 2005, a huge leap compared with previous years. Articles that reference "awareness day"  in the PubMed database have followed a similar, but less extreme, upward trajectory.

Trends in Attention to Awareness Days in U.S. Congress and Health Science Literature

But most of the articles Purtle and Roman found in their search (which was just preliminary, not a systematic metareview) were editorials or commentaries announcing or discussing awareness days. Only five studies empirically evaluated the effects of an awareness day, “but the designs weren’t that rigorous,” Purtle says. The best one, according to Purtle, found that on “No Smoking Day” in the U.K., five times more people called a quit smoking hotline than the daily average. “But that was about it,” Purtle says.

So evidence really is lacking on what good these awareness days do.

Liz Feld, president of the nonprofit advocacy organization Autism Speaks, says she has seen results from World Autism Awareness Day, which was April 2, and Autism Awareness Month, which goes on for all of April. The organization has raised more than $10 million so far in April, more than 50,000 people registered on Autism Speaks’ website, and more than 18,000 buildings around the world illuminated with blue lights on April 2 as part of the “Light it Up Blue” campaign. A spokesperson also told me that “Light it Up Blue” was a trending topic on Facebook and Twitter on April 2.

The money is something concrete that came out of the awareness month, but what about the rest?

“One-third of people who live with autism are nonverbal,” Feld says. “The power of a global blue-light movement is very strong. On that day, that is the collective voice of the autism community. That’s a show of power. The blue lights are really a voice.”

Here, "awareness" seems to mean sending a message, getting attention, and getting people to talk about the issue, at the very least on social media. During the week of the most recent World AIDS Day, December 1, 2014, AIDS.gov got the most engagement and new followers of the entire year, Miguel Gomez, the director of AIDS.gov, told me in an email. Perhaps not coincidentally, the organization’s HIV Testing and Care Service Locator got nearly triple its average traffic on December 1.

Social-media activism gets a lot of criticism, some of it deserved, some of it less so. (There's even a somewhat pejorative term for it: slacktivism.) On one hand, it’s an easy way to reach a lot of people, and it often amplifies the voices of the marginalized. On the other hand, changing your profile picture for an awareness day (something Autism Speaks asked people to do for Light It Up Blue) might just be the smallest possible unit of support for a cause. If not backed up by money or deed, it’s little more than lip service. But lip service is not nothing—if enough people do it, it could help shift cultural norms, as Melanie Tannenbaum wrote in Scientific American, about people supporting marriage equality by making equals signs their profile pictures.

“Based on everything that we know about our brains and their bafflingly strong desires to fit in with the crowd, the best way to convince people that they should care about an issue and get involved in its advocacy isn’t to tell people what they should do—it’s to tell them what other people actually do,” Tannenbaum writes. “And you know what will accomplish that? That’s right. Everyone on Facebook making their opinions on the issue immediately, graphically, demonstrably obvious.”

With a controversial issue like marriage equality, enough equals signs on Facebook pages could send the message that this is a common cause to support, and just maybe, gather more support, in a snowball-rolling-down-a-hill sort of way. The thing is, though, that with diseases, everybody’s pretty much already on the same side. There aren’t pro-cancer people who need convincing to come around.

“The question I would ask Autism Speaks or someone who's doing some sort of initiative like ‘Make your picture blue,’ is how they think that will trickle down into some sort of positive outcome for people with autism,” Purtle says.

So I asked.

“First of all, anyone who takes the time to change their picture, they feel invested, like they’re part of something,” Feld says. “That’s the culture we live in now. It’s a way for them to participate. It creates a sense of a community, it really goes back to that. People like to be part of something, look at the ALS ice-bucket challenge. They wanted to be part of something that was bigger than themselves. It’s free, it makes you happy, it makes you feel like you're doing something.”

But Feld recognizes that this isn’t enough.

“You’ve got to follow it up with something else,” she says. “What comes with raising awareness is a responsibility to do something about what you’re aware of. I always say to people, ‘April 2nd is great but what happens April 3rd?’”

When so much is vying for people’s attention, especially online, including the couple hundred other awareness days, even if you get people to listen, how do you get them to do more than just post a status?

There is a sociological theory called narcotizing dysfunction, which proposes that the more people learn about an issue from the media, the less likely they are to do something about it. Purtle and Roman posit that this might be an unintended effect of awareness days, that people might “conflate being knowledgeable about a health issue with taking action to address it.” It’s not enough to just say “this is a problem, and we need to do something about it.” There are a lot of problems in the world that need doing something about.

So in addition to awareness-raising, to try to get people to do something, Autism Speaks fundraises and asks people to sign petitions. “[When we try] to get corporate sponsors, I always tell people here, you can’t just go pitch this as a moral imperative,” Feld says. “There are a lot of moral imperatives. An effective awareness day has got to give people a window into what a real person who's living with autism is going through. My goal is for people to see the face of someone with autism on Autism Awareness Day, so that they carry that with them on April 3rd, April 4th, April 5th.”

Awareness days wouldn’t be so popular if there weren’t an appetite to address health problems. “People want to do something, which is good,” Purtle says. What he worries is that awareness campaigns’ focus on the individual—what you need to know, what you can do—could reinforce existing troublesome ideas about the origins of health, especially with conditions like obesity and heart disease, where lifestyle is a big risk factor.

A lot of people believe, he says, that “it’s really people’s choices that determine their health outcomes and if they’re unhealthy it's either: 1. They made bad choices, or 2. They’re just unlucky and have some genetic thing. These awareness [days] seem to be reinforcing that if you’re aware of the health issue, it’s a good step, and it might be even sufficient to address the health issue. That really flies in the face of the complexity of the various forces that influence a person’s health and a population’s health.”

Those forces include environmental, societal, and economic factors—things that can’t be fixed with knowledge alone. “I think if more people understood that, perhaps we’d see awareness days looking a little bit different,” Purtle says. A better awareness day, he thinks, would spread information about the prevalence of a condition and its risk factors, as well as policy changes that could lessen disparities or help people living with the condition.

“Neither Leah nor I think awareness days are necessarily a bad thing, nor is awareness a bad thing,” Purtle says. “Awareness can be a first step toward changing behavior, but in my opinion, more importantly it would be a first step to positively address the policies that impact a population's health.”

#personal #important information #call to action

[angstyryguy]

A Digital Fever

no pairings

no spoilers for anything in the series, it’s just somewhere during season 1

themes: whump, sickfic

words: 3668

Summary:

Ryan is a Walker and Walkers do not get sick. So when Ryan goes to school with a high fever and his powers in turmoil, what else can happen than something bad?

******

A common cold was not something the Ryan Walker could have. He didn’t get sick. That was his whole thing.

...Apart from the whole “controlling technology with his mind" of course. That was still an important thing.

Oh, and the fact that he was one of the pilots of Mech X4…

Yeah, he actually had a couple of things, but that was beside the point. The point was, he didn’t get sick, so now that his nose was a little runny and his brain was a little slow as he woke up from the infuriatingly loud blaring of his alarm clock, he was fine. It didn’t matter that he swayed a bit as he stood from his bed, or that he didn’t feel like eating his mom’s newest experimental breakfast food. Everything was totally– 

“Hey, you okay Ry-guy?”

“Fine.”

Ryan and Mark were seated at the kitchen table as their mom was preparing the batter for her food truck's famous pancakes. She eyed Ryan with her scanning motherly eyes as her spatula was frozen mid-spin in the bowl. She didn’t look convinced in the slightest.

Ryan quickly grabbed his fork to stuff his mouth with eggs. He looked her in the eyes as he chewed. See? he tried to show his mom, I’m totally fine. 

She sighed and set about mixing her batter again, seemingly content enough that he was at least eating now. He was glad her motherly instincts didn’t mean she could actually read minds. He really didn't want her to know just how hard it was to swallow even the smallest bite. His stomach turned even as he thought about it.

He shuffled his food around on his plate with his fork for a bit, making it seem as if he had touched more of it than just that one bite, and then quickly left the kitchen table. He grabbed his bag just as Mark scraped his plate clean. Show off. 

“Come on, we’re going to be late,” Ryan said, already heading out of the door. He couldn’t actually go to school without Mark, since he was his ride, but acting like he was leaving without him helped with the pressure to get Mark to follow. He wanted this day to be over as quickly as possible. Mark gave a quick goodbye smile to mom and dashed off after Ryan, his own bag sloppily thrown over one shoulder.

“Hey wait up!”

------------------

School was dreaded for a reason, but when you were definitely not sick, it was even worse. The first half of the day went by slow, like really slow, but manageable. Lessons were boring, teachers were not too terrible and the low buzz of the school board, the computers, smartphones and lamps were not too distracting. 

No, if only lessons had been his school day, he would have survived it.

But he hadn’t thought about lunch time. The canteen was filled with chaos and noise. His mind felt like it was being crushed little by little with every yell and every time someone laughed. All the phones of all the students were buzzing and ringing and going off at the same time, or at least it felt like it. Nails tapped on screens and batteries hummed in disharmony. The constant noises pained his ear drums and filled his head with a hundred stabbing needles.

He was so overwhelmed from the sound, he couldn’t help but flinch a little when suddenly a hand patted him on his shoulder.

Spyder appeared before him. “Are you gonna stand in the doorway the whole time?" A mischievous grin spread on his face. "Because I will gladly take your sandwiches if you aren’t up for it you know? Maybe then I can finally build a tower of cheese. Man, I have always wanted to do that.”

Harris punched Spyder in his side. “No one’s taking Ryan’s sandwiches, dude. Now, are we gonna go to our table or what? I want to finish up on my project before the next term starts.”

Ryan softly shook his head to get rid of the slowly creeping nausea and to try and shake away all the sounds, but he wasn’t successful at all. No matter, he could hold on until he could be home and safely in his bed again. Just half a day left.

“Yeah, yeah let’s go, I’m starving.”

The trio sat at their usual table and as always, Spyder and Harris lost themselves in a debate over something incredibly stupid. This time it was about the best kind of sandwich to ever exist. Spyder insisted that his abomination of a sandwich, with salmon, cheese, peanut butter and chocolate spread, topped off with a little bit of mashed potatoes, was the most delicious thing in the world. Meanwhile Harris was sure that combination of flavors shouldn't even be legal.

Ryan sighed as he tuned out the voices of his friends and instead took out his phone. Maybe some dumb video's would help him ignore his throbbing headache for a while. He clicked on one of Cassie's reports on the school's kickbox team. Of course, his brother was the big star of the video, and normally he didn't like watching Mark get so much praise, but he couldn't care less right now. He just had to watch something. Anything to distract himself.

Just as Cassie went over the most recent victory of the team, a loud voice broke through it.

"Hi sweetie, how's your first day?" The voice was loud, but Ryan was sure it came from the other side of the canteen, where a freshman was calling with his mom. Why would he set the call on speaker?

Ryan turned back and ignored it, but soon another sound interrupted his video. The annoying 8-bit soundtrack of a mobile game echoed through his mind, the sound of clashing swords and yelling characters making it even more annoying. What stupid kid let his sound on extra loud when he was gaming during school break? A drop of sweat slid down his temple. Cheering rang in his ears as the kid cleared his level and it hurt. It was loud and awful and his head was swimming and throbbing and pulsing with every beat. 

Ryan shivered in his thick hoodie.

"No dad, you don't have to pick me up," another student said as he was calling from a few tables away.

Ryan huffed and kept staring at his phone, even though the he didn't register anything Cassis said in her video. He still kept trying.

Tap, tap, tap. In the row for the food, someone was texting their friends, every tap with their thumb banging against his skull.

Ryan looked to his left. A teacher was checking his news feed, sirens wailing,  people screaming, shouting - some video about the most recent monster attack. To his right, a girl was filming a video with her friends, laughing, playing music, typing a caption and then laughing again. They were so loud.

More videos, more games, more typing, more voices. Every second it got louder, every second it seemed to penetrate further and further into his mind.

Tap Tap Tap. 

Screaming.

Laughing.

Sirens.

Cheering.

Tap Tap Tap. 

Ryan clutched his phone tighter and shut his eyes, willing for the ever growing buzzing of the lamps and phones and laptops and screens to stop.

It all had to stoppleasestopit'stoomuchtooloudMAKEITSTOP-

The sizzling of something burning made his mind snap out of it. Ryan quickly looked down where his phone lay in his hands, broken and blackened, a small trail of smoke coming from it.

Oops. 

His eyes darted up to look if anyone had seen that - and to his relief no one did - so he quickly hid his phone under the table and let it slide into his bag. He would deal with that later.

Since he had no way of distracting himself anymore, and the sounds around him were now even making his vision grow wobbly as they pounded against his brain, Ryan knew he had to make a run for it. It was not like he had actually wanted to eat school food anyway, so no loss there.

"Hey guys?" He said, his left arm smoothly disappearing under the table. "I think I left my mech-link in the classroom. I'll go get it. See you later okay?"

Before the other two could answer, Ryan stood up and turned around, tucking his left arm in the pocket of his hoodie so they couldn't see his mech-link still nicely around his wrist. Briskly, he walked away, ignoring how his eyes couldn't focus or how he could throw up any second. He was fine.

--------------

Okay, maybe, just maybe, Ryan was not fine. After the small incident with his phone, he had accidentally also fried the teacher's smartwatch during PE when the teacher had blown his whistle right next to Ryan's ear out of nowhere. On top of that, he had also derailed someone's electronic car when he had been waiting on Mark outside of the school and the speakers had blasted the ringing bell right above his head. So you could say he was a little bit jumpy and a lot bit nauseous, and maybe not totally fine, but he would manage. He was Ryan Walker and Walkers didn't get sick.

Whatever. It didn’t matter if he finally admitted to himself that something was wrong, because as soon as school was out, he and Mark had headed straight to Mech X4 when they had gotten a monster alert.

Sick or not, Ryan was the only one who could stop it, so he had to power through. He could do this. Probably. Maybe.

As the gang made their way out of the awful elevator and to their stations, Ryan had to physically swallow down the urge to puke. That elevator hadn't helped in the slightest.

Ryan clicked the belt around his middle and the robot rose from its hiding spot. A rough cough came from him as he tried to move the robot into kneeling position, but he played it off as an awkward cough instead of the start of bile rising in his throat. He had to concentrate or otherwise he'd short-circuit the robot.

However, the miserable attempt didn't go unnoticed. 

"Hey man, you okay?" Spyder asked from behind him.

Ryan nodded, but regretted immediately as his head spun with the sudden motion.

"Yeah, of course, I'm fine," he said and readied his feet to jump. Spyder seemed to want to ask something else, but Ryan cut him off. 

"Mech, Execute!" he yelled and jumped away. Now was not the time to worry about himself. They had people to save.

"The monster just popped up next to the river at the other side of the city, what would it want there?" Harris asked out loud. He was furiously typing and checking the screens as he followed the beast's movements on his maps. "Wait, where is it – oh. Oh no."

Mark bent over the rails to look at the screens. "What? What is it dingus?" 

"The monster! It's heading straight for us! How is it so fast?!"

Ryan's head shot up when he noticed the beast flying straight at them at a rapid speed. "Guys, it's here!"

He barely had enough time to raise his arms in front of his head before the monster crashed right into them, hitting Mech X4 with such devastating force that Ryan was shot into the air, a couple of cables exploding behind him from the rough impact.

"Ryan are you okay?!" Mark yelled.

Ryan swallowed and lifted his head from the cold floor. "Yeah I'm good," he said as he carefully stood up again. The giant monster in front of them was already readying itself for the next attack.

Ryan rolled his shoulders and raised his fists in fighting position. He ignored the cold sweat building on his forehead. "Let's finish this quick. Spyder?"

"One plasma punch coming right up." Spyder slid his chair back from the desk and grabbed a hold of his weapon arm.

"Ready?"

"Ready!"

Ryan and Spyder simultaneously drew back their arms and swung them back as Mech X4 did the same with his glowing fist. The monster had been distracted, working up the power to hit again, but was instead swept off his feet when the fist hit full force. It fell to the ground with a large growl, but was still moving.

"Again!" Ryan yelled, already jumping up again to do it.

"Wait dude, it needs to recharge first, we need to buy some time!" Spyder frantically punched his buttons as he read from the screen. "If we do it now, it will be like a grandma punch!" He stopped mid-punching his buttons as he thought about something. "Wait. Nevermind, my grandma would punch this dude into tomorrow. Okay what about, if we used it right now it would be like if Harris punched it!"

Harris spun in his chair with a "not cool, son," before he got back to his scanning and getting up the shields. Mark and Ryan silently grinned. It was an accurate comparison.

"Okay, Harris, how are we with the shields?"

"Almost done and… now they're up!"

And just in time too, because as soon as Ryan turned back to the large window, he saw the monster getting back to his feet again. It let out a low growl as its wings spread out in warning.

"Get ready, he's coming back!"

The robot stepped back as Ryan raised his fists and braced for the next attack. The monster darted forward, its claws barely missing the chest of the robot as Ryan ducked out of the way. Then, it lifted itself on his back legs and rose into the sky, its wings harshly pushing away the wind. As the gang was too distracted by the strong winds that almost pushed the robot off his feet, they didn't see the tip of the monster's tail, heading straight for the head. It clashed against the shield and bounced back, while in the process it successfully pushed Ryan and the robot out of balance, both failing to the ground with a thud.

Ryan grunted his way through the pain as he got back up. They were almost done with this and then he could hide himself in his blankets for the rest of the day. Almost there, almost done.

The beast lashed out again as it clawed against the shield. It seemed to try to rip it open.

"The shields won't hold this for long! Spyder is the plasma punch ready?"

"Almost…" Spyder tapped impatiently against his desk, his eyes glued to his screen.

"Ryan watch out!" Mark yelled. Ryan lifted his arms in front of his head just as the monster ripped away the shield, the pixels giving way as the energy ran out. The monster flew forward and extended its claws as it headed for the head. Without the shields, all Ryan could do was hold his ground and cover himself, not even finding an opening to strike back.

"Spyder?!"

"Almost…"

The beast struck out with a right hook and got around Ryan's defenses, punching the robot hard against his head. Ryan whipped back from the impact and clutched his jaw. That hurt. His eyes watered and refused to focus anymore. A shiver ran down his spine, even if he himself felt like he was burning from the inside.

"Spyder?!"

"I'll say when it's ready!"

The monster hit again and again, sparks flying around the control center as Ryan bounced around in his harness. He was literally being beaten to a pulp and all his strength failed him. He was too weak. 

He was… not fine at all.

Mark was pacing across the deck, checking his screens and performing quick damage control. "Spyder, we can't take much more!"

Spyder spun in his chair and pulled back his attack handle. "It's ready!"

Immediately, Ryan stumbled to his feet and raised his fists. Please let this be the final attack, he wished desperately. His mind screamed at him to never move again and just give up, but he just had to do one more thing. Just this one thing. He could survive that. Ryan jumped into the air and brought his fist down with so much force that his knuckles burned. The hit landed, the robot's fist piercing straight through the monster's chest as it de-transformed into ooze and splashed to the ground. 

For a moment it was quiet, and then the team of Mech X4 burst out in cheers. They had finished it! Ryan smiled weakly as he sighed. His muscles burned, his vision swum, but they had done it. Finally. He wiped his sweat of his brow and roughly dropped to the floor, his legs giving out from under him. Now on his knees, he unbuckled his belt and let the harness fly up into its storage. When his hand returned from the motion however, something caught his eye. There was red on his hand. His eyes widened. There was blood on his hand. he was bleeding. That monster must have done more damage than he thought.

“Hey guys…” he said, his voice weak and barely audible. No one heard as the rest of the team congratulated each other with their victory. Ryan shivered.

“Guys…” was the final thing he said before he crashed down onto the floor, his vision and mind going blank as he did not even notice how all the lights and screens in the robot flickered and died out with him.

--------------

“...Ryan.”

“Ryan!”

“RYAN!”

Ryan jolted awake and immediately regretted it as he bend over and lost his diner from the day before. Someone patted him on the back as he retched, but his eyes were too blurry with tears to see who it was. Lights flickered around them.

The same hands placed him back down on the bed when he was done, wiping his forehead with a cold towel. Ryan sighed and closed his eyes again, already worn out from keeping his head upright.

“Get well soon…” Someone said and then he fell asleep once more.

---------------

The next time he woke, he didn’t get the urge to puke as soon as he opened his eyes. That was good news at least. A little dazed, he looked around the room. The Medbay. Of course.

“Guys! Guys, he’s awake!” Spyder’s voice yelled from too close next to him. In reflex, Ryan shut his eyes tight and groaned, his head not happy with the loud noise.

Two sets of footsteps entered the Medbay as the door slid open.

“Bro, are you okay?!” Ryan opened his eyes and saw Mark rushing towards him, sitting down next to the bed and placing a warm hand on his shoulder. On the older shoulder came Harris’ hand as his best friend shot a worried look at him.

“You scared us buddy,” he said and slightly squeezed his shoulder.

Ryan smiled weakly as he closed his eyes and sighed. “Sorry about that…”

“Do you wanna tell us what happened?” Harris said, his attention already going to the screens next to the bed to check on Ryan’s vitals.

Ryan slowly opened his eyes. “Guess that monster was stronger than I thought.”

“Nah man, that was like a level 5 monster. It wasn’t even made of the red ooze, just the orange,” Spyder said with a shrug, “You normally beat down level 10 monsters with ease.”

“Where did you come up with this rating system?” Harris asked confused.

“It’s just what the collector’s cards say, I didn’t make it.”

“We have collector's cards?” Mark asked eagerly.

Harris shot them both an incredulous look before he turned his attention back to Ryan with an eye roll. 

“The scanners are picking up a high temperature, on top of signs of dehydration and not enough nutritions to give your body the energy to heal as fast. Ryan, did you eat at all yesterday?”

Ryan averted his eyes to stare at the scanner beside him. “I didn’t.”

Mark furrowed his eyebrows. “Dude, why wouldn’t you eat anything and still go to fight? Are you stupid? You could have die–”

Ryan flinched as Harris stopped Mark with a gesture of his hand. He shook his head at the older one of the Walker brothers.

“Ryan,” he said, his tone far more calm than Mark’s, “why didn’t you just say you were sick? We could’ve found another way to defeat the monster.”

“No we wouldn’t!” Ryan snapped, his eyes widening as soon as the words left his mouth. he hadn't meant to say it in that tone. He sighed. “Look, just, we all know that we need the robot to defeat the monsters and that we can do nothing with the robot without my powers. I had to fight. It was the only option. And honestly?” Ryan slowly pushed himself in sitting position with his arms. “I was fine doing it. Just got a nasty wound, that’s all.”

Harris shook his head. “This wasn’t just a nasty wound Ryan. On top of your fever, you have several bruised ribs and a large wound to your head. You’re lucky it was mostly superficial or it could have done serious damage to your brain.”

Mark nodded and patted Ryan’s head while Ryan weakly tried to push him off. “You hear that Dingus? No more fighting when you have a fever alright?”

Ryan successfully swatted away Mark’s hand. “Yeah, yeah.”

“You have to promise.”

“I promise Mark, I promise.” Ryan smiled softly and looked at his team. “Thank you though.”

“For what?” Spyder asked.

“For caring about me like this,” Ryan said and lay back down. He was tired. “I really don’t know what I could’ve done without any of you guys…” His voice got quieter as his eyelids closed, but before he fell asleep he still heard the “awww’s” around him. Yeah, he would definitely get teased about this later. 

For now though, he meant it. 

He loved his team.

#mech x4 #ryan walker #mark walker #harris harris jr #spyder #whump #fan fiction #sick fic #happy ending #angst #fluff #best friends #season 1 #a digital fever

[thewayiremember]

EPISODE 1

July 5, 7:20 PM – 4 DAYS AFTER THE INCIDENT

Nathaniel Blake is lying across from me. He’s 16 years old, 5.9, 154 lbs, has no allergies, and no chronic illnesses. At least that’s what his medical chart says. How I got access to that is not important. I don’t actually know the guy, but we’ve been practically inseparable for the last couple of days. Plus, even though he hasn’t regained his consciousness yet, I’m sure he complains as much as I do about being here. He just cannot express his frustration. I have it easy. I can roll my eyes and sigh as loud as I want to. But there’s no one to see it, so, what’s the point?

Nathaniel Blake was supposed to travel across the Pacific in a couple of days for his dream vacation in Australia. He has been preparing for that trip since last summer and it was kind of a big deal because that would be his first totally independent adventure. I know that because his grandparents lament about it every time they visit. He can probably hear you. It won’t make him feel better if you keep reminding him how sad it is he won’t be able to go. His left arm is encased with a cast. Luckily, the doctors said it should heal very nicely, and that he shouldn’t have any movement difficulties afterward.

I always pretend to be asleep when he has visitors, so I have a little trouble forming opinions about his friends. He has too many. They seem like good fellas, though. The guests usually come in the mornings, which works for me cause it’s easier to play dead when you’re still tired. I know they would feel a lot less comfortable talking to him if they knew I’m awake. Plus, I wouldn’t feel comfortable looking at their sad faces, either.

I talk to Nathaniel a lot. I feel a little guilty because I can’t know for sure he even wants me to talk to him, but the silence of this place really gets to me. So I made him my friend in spite of him being unconscious. He knows me really well. He can’t tell me to shut up, so, I never do. I try not to whine too much and keep it positive to cheer him up after all that sobbing he’s forced to listen to, but I can’t always help myself. My buttcheeks hurt from not really changing this half-seated position and the wi-fi dies on me every five seconds. I have plenty to complain about.

But he’s alive. And I’m alive. So, there’s that.

It’s nice to have a friend who listens so well, but I do hope he wakes up eventually. Keeping my fingers crossed.

There’s a TV hanging from the ceiling but I don’t know how desperate I’d have to get to turn it on. The ads play every ten minutes and they’re so loud it makes me even more hyper and annoying. We don’t want that. At least I have plenty of time to meditate. No… I don’t meditate, I just watch Netflix. Though I never realized staring at the screen all day could be so exhausting. Headaches are no fun. So I have to take brakes, and then I’m left with me, myself, and this beautiful ward.

And that is not sarcasm. It’s actually really pretty. Minimalistic, by budget, or design, who cares? We can see only whites, blues, and some pink-ish whites. And the light wooden window frames on the tilted wall complement those colors very nicely. There’s not a lot of space in this room, but in my opinion, it makes it cozier. We have our own bathroom that seems clean and doesn’t give you chills when you walk in. Not that we use it much, especially not Nathaniel. And for me getting out of bed is still very challenging so I try not to drink too much so I won’t have to go to the toilet too often. I have the smallest bladder on Earth.

The sun is setting and the whole mood starts shifting. I have a wide view of the lake when I look outside the window. The water reflects all the colors of the sky. A gradient of perfectly aligned hues is breaking through the clouds. It’s insane how sexy the sky can be. Lots of blues, yellows, and purples. Do you know what else has lots of blues, yellows, and purples? My chest. Not as sexy, though.

It’s been five days since I was brought to the hospital. I can’t tell if it’s a long time or not, but I feel like the recovery isn’t gonna be as difficult as I thought it would be at the beginning. When I first woke up in this bed I could barely breathe. It felt like my ribs were all shattered into pieces and my face was so swollen I couldn’t open my left eye. The bruises aren’t really fading away just yet, but I’d say half of the pain is gone. At least I can breathe, see and eat normally.

I used to be obsessed with watching medical programs. Plastic surgeries, body transformations, treating horrifying skin conditions, but they tend to be very repetitive and predictable, so I especially liked the ones when something went wrong along the way. Like that one time, the doctors were stitching up the patient’s toes and they couldn’t bring back the blood flow. And of course, it’s probably a little scripted for the sake of the show, but they did look genuinely terrified that the toes would turn black and fall out. That was exciting. Luckily, I didn’t need any surgeries. I’m pretty much just bruised up, I think. No internal bleeding, no broken bones, but they wanted to do some more tests on me and asked me to stay for a couple more days.

My parents come to visit once a day, but somehow they manage to make this place even gloomier than when I’m alone. I’m surprised they even care. Or maybe they just feel obligated to come. Like, we barely even talk. Why are you here? I mean, I DO get it. Not everybody has to like each other, not even people blood-related. And it’s fine. We’re just very different people. And if it makes them feel better when they come to check on me, that’s cool. I feel like I am understanding, but still, I’m not gonna lie, this whole situation is very frustrating.

I am aware that the problem is more on my side, cause most of the things they say wouldn’t bother me if they were said by somebody else. Today (like every day since I’ve been here) they asked me how I was feeling. Now, if any of my friends or nurses asked about it, I’d take it as an act of caring. But when the same question is asked by my parents, in my mind I go berserk. And how do you think I’m feeling? Have you looked at my face? Even though in reality I don’t feel that bad. I don’t know where that anger comes from. Maybe because they never cared before. Why now? But I just reply, as politely as I can, that I feel OK.

10:30 PM

I wear earplugs when it’s bedtime because once it gets dark and the rest of the hospital’s asleep, the heart rate monitor that Nathaniel’s still attached to, I swear, levels up in volume. I need something to occupy my mind. I just read 100 random facts on some website and did you know that by taking just one step you use over 200 muscles in your body? That means that today I used the same 200 muscles at least 20 times in three series while I had to use the bathroom. That’s a legit workout if you ask me.

There’s a group of friends skinny-dipping in the lake. I wonder how much time it will take for them to get in trouble. They are far away from any buildings, I can barely see them myself, and there’s a pretty dense forest spreading behind the lake, but that’s no less than half a mile away. Other than that, the space is quite open.

10:45 PM

I can hear dr. Gramm talking on the phone behind the door. I swear she doesn’t sleep. Or even go home, like, ever. She’s the one who takes care of me and Nathaniel. She and the whole staff… they really seem to care. It’s nice to see them coming in here so often to make sure that we’re doing OK. And here’s the thing, Nathaniel can’t complain, and every time they check on us, they make sure to adjust his body so that he’s comfortable. Sweet.

Since I can’t actually remember what happened to me and why I’m here, after long conversations and many check-ups on me to make sure there’s no any brain damage, dr. Gramm told me that thinking out loud makes your brain work more… efficiently. She must have read those 100 random facts on the internet as well. I’m pretty sure it was a fact nr. 48.

Well, I don’t know about thinking out loud. She probably wouldn’t be happy to hear that I traveled back in time. I think I’d be put in a different kind of hospital. So, I hope keeping a journal will do just fine.

#short story #journal #fiction #middle grade #young adult #story #lgbt #lgbtq #love #romance #diary #book #audiobook #youtube #gay #mistery #queer #time travel #mm #male romance

[lustriakeimark]

Prologue

It was dusk. The night began to spread its wings throughout the sky. The pale moon hung brightly like a big lamp of darkness with scattered streaks from myriad stars. The man just stood straight, his feet glued to the ground as his eyes froze from amazement. He was mystified but his gaze eventually shifted to a white gown, motioning radiantly to the inky blackness and capturing the brightness of the vast cosmic.

‘It’s a girl,’ he pondered, his expression somewhere with wonder and incredulity.

She kept running briskly, her gown brushing through the gripping bushes and rustling cinnamon dried leaves. Her stride resonating a creaking sound of smashed twigs and her sleeves sheared by the sharp claws of ancient trees. For a while, she halted and bent, clutching and reaping the train of her gown like a cornered prey wasting no time for a prowling predator. She glanced toward the direction where the man stood. Her eyes overwhelmed with fear and horror, looking every second through him. She was afraid, her streaming sweat shone from light of the moon and a dark red hue stained the upper arm of her gown.

‘She’s wounded,’ he whispered. ‘I should help her.’

In a blink, the man found himself drifting toward the miserable woman. His march reverberated a broken scuff of grazed leaves and branches from the soles of his sandals. Oblivious to the approaching man, the woman remained tearing almost half of her lower skirt. Deftly, she threw her heels and hurried to resume her pace, leaving a man in perturbing awe.

‘She can’t see me, that’s right. Why would she run like that? That’s the only logical explanation.’ He quibbled to himself, his forehead sketched with fissures.

‘But who is she? And why would I be here? What’s this place? Am I lost? I doubt if I am.’ he pattered to himself.

‘Or maybe, it is a dream. Am I dreaming? And what kind of fashion is this?’

He shrugged as he dabbed his brown shirt, the silk thin with matching laces intertwined on his thorax like a bygone era of style and his pants were as dark as vanilla.

He raised his hand, his fingers gesturing to squeezed his cheek and after a minute, a low groan unleashed from his mouth.

“I thought pinching the face would do. Geez, that’s hurt.” He complained stupidly. “I should’ve asked that woman, maybe she could hear me, but she should have heard my steps already. This is crazy.”

He scrubbed his head vehemently, his face wrinkled and his brows crooked from escalating agitation.

“It’s nonsense, this is all insane. Why would I be here in a forest?”

But his anxious countenance suddenly curved to bewildered astonishment. The sky began to upholster an intense darkness of stark black and vibrant grey, leaving the pale moon to illuminate the spectacle. A canopy of swirling mass of clouds with apparent amber shades of ferocious lightning bolt churned with a ricocheting thunder. The turbulence was concentrated to the zenith of the towering and gaunt ridge toward the course taken by the lady on a white gown. The crevasses inscribed on the face of the young man became more vivid and prominent and his curiosity grew deep. A manifestation of horror and trepidation started to creep his mien.

‘What is that?’ He inaudibly uttered, his voice muted and his gushing inquisitions clogged from his mind, paused and after a seconds, burst out like a torrent formed by a series of questions.

“This is impossible! Why would the clouds be like that? No, this is a dream. It’s all a dream. I should get out of here. What ‘bout that lady? Will she be okay? Why would I care? I don’t know her, nor her name. Damn! this can’t be happening. Where’s my bed? I want to go home--“

A voluminous flash of lightning swiftly skidded to the peak of the ridge accompanied by a deafening roar of the thunder, louder than its continuous grumbling sound, that thwarted the venting protest of the man. The blistering strike spewed a massive conflagration, wrecking the vast foliage of the forest. The view was a flaming marvel, a mile away from the frozen man. His feet trembled, and his jaw dropped from disbelief but immediately fused with worry.

“The woman goes that way? I should’ve looked for her earlier.”

He mumbled as his feet sprinted to the flaming portion of the wilderness. His mind was controlled by his philosophy of justice engraved by his grandmother, a good and responsible heart willing to give help.

Neglecting the jagged spines of unwelcoming trees, his body dashed through the narrow passages of the woods. The talon of austere forest pierced his flesh, scathing an excruciating pain through a soft growl. He looked out for a trace of the white gown glowing by the light of the timid moon on the branches. Steered by the hints and his integrity, he quickened his speed and with dexterity, he hopped along with the bushes and rocks. Finally, he arrived at the boundary of the charred forest. The flame was gone, leaving only the darkened bough of collapsing trees, the foliage and bushes was burned out and the cadavers of the once living plants became ashes of the looming shaven forest.

A loud hubbub from a distant put halt to his acceleration. From the sound, few people were present beyond the woods.

‘If there are people out there, perhaps I should seek help from them. Maybe they know where am I.’ His face brightened with hope as he thought of the possibility.

‘I shouldn’t act carelessly. I need to find that woman. Or maybe they are friends. If they are, then probably, they can’t sense me. Yet, I’m not assured. I can feel the pain, the leaves and the bark of the trees, thus there’s a chance they can see me. I should be more vigilant then.’ his instinct told him to be prudent.

‘The people beyond, being dangerous wasn’t far from being likely.’ he reckoned, his hopeful face faded, flustering a cautious demeanor.

He crouched toward the extending bushes, his stride wary of a rustling sound he made from the parched leaves. He was circumspect of breaking even the smallest fallen twigs. Like a fox lurking from its prey, he dropped down, hiding from his impending predators. After a while, he was nearer to sound of confabulation. The uttered words became clearer, there were two men arguing about something.

He tried to take a peek from his position. His head roused high as his confidence of darkness dwindled his fear of being noticed. His calculations were right, two men talking. One was in his 30s, tall and brawny, with black hair stretching up to his arm level, his face partly filled with coarse mustache and beard hanging to his chest. The other one was younger, probably in his early adulthood, his unkempt hair was short, his beard was scarce and subtle, and his body evinced his stalwartness. They both donned a buff cloak, the hood slackened to their back and their inside garbs were classic, same style of his wrap with nuance in colors. The night concealed their eyes, one was facing through the man’s right and the other was on his rear, slightly askew.

His gaze subsequently locked from the lying object behind the disputing men. Shadowed by their feet and hanging cape of their cloak, a shroud of white silk reclining to the ground, motionless. The furrows on his forehead turned to bold stroke, his brows cringed and rose, his eyes draw out from dread and his physiognomy appeared ashen.

‘There is no doubt. It was the lady in a white gown.’ he inferred, his face paled and shocked. ‘But why would they do that?’

Being fettered by his sense of responsibility, he waited patiently behind his dim covert of thickets. He laid down as he kept discerning his situation from the dialogue of the two.

“But captain, we cannot afford this incident to happen again, this girl should be caged in the Nether. Her magic becoming more immense than it was before, no ordinary knight could hold her unless you guard her yourself.” The younger man said, his hand beckoning for the older man’s approval. The unusual conversation perplexed the man beneath the bushes. His mind in maelstrom of myriad questions.

‘Magic? What are they talking about? I’m not in the movie, am I? and Nether? This is crazy as hell. Why am I even here? What do they need of that girl? What is she, by the way?’ the hiding man inquired from nothingness. His thoughts stopped by the conspicuous respond of the so-called captain.

“You already knew Elias. We are occupied in thwarting the mages of the Filipos. Otherwise, the king would notice, and master Eld would never let that. The princess should not be harmed, we need her power for the reign of our master, for the revolution. That fool of a king would never appreciate that, such a waste for our nation. You need to hide her, but not in the Nether.” The older man’s speech was an emulsion of command and dismay, piercing veneration for the man named Elias.

“She should be taken care. Such pity, she’s beautiful but in lieu of her, we can summon the powerful magic that will make the strength of nation amplified. So chained her and do not harm lest she may be killed. Now go! Or others may see you and don’t let this happen again.” the older man ordered with stern remark. His voice like thunder roaring and causing goose bumps on the cowering man. Like a lightning fury, the captain gaze looked back, askance for someone’s presence.

Elias nodded and carried out the command, conjuring an immense amount of water from thin air with ease. He gestured his hand inundating the flow of the gleaming liquid by the darkness which levitated and covered the shrouded girl, like a caterpillar in its cocoon.

“Now, captain.” The young man bowed his head, with the hovering body of the girl beside him, requesting and waiting for his captain to do something.

The captain in response, with his wave of hand looking down to his inferior, spawned a dust of clouds whirling around the two objects, wrapped their presence like the roaring vortex earlier but smaller in size. The swirling mass emitted a lightning, blinding the dilated gaze of the man behind the shadows and after a blink, Elias and the lady was gone in sight.

The captain, again summoned an expansive mass of clouds. With his feet wearing a drab wooden sandals, he hinged himself and lifted up to the air. He hastened and rode back overhead of the man hiding on a murky shades of the wilderness.

Left alone in silence of the misty night, his eyes enlarged of wonder, staring straightly still to the path the older man on his clouds had taken. He was mesmerized for the new world he had far witnessed. His body stood upright for a minute, his mind dazzled and stunned to even yield questions and thoughts. He was tired, remained speechless and after a while, his knees gave up. His weight slumped down to the ground, not noticing the pain of fall. His head laid languish, his hair ruffled with leaves and tiny twigs, and his face with small cuts and tinge of dirt with his eyes closed, depleted to the ground of the foreign forest, to the deep darkness of slumber.

05-13-2020

#writing #literature #novel #ugly

[motorsport619]

Cla Safflower Oil Review

Cla Safflower Oil Review There has been a hype for quite some time currently concerning dietary supplements that includes CLA Safflower oil. Promising revolutionary changes for those with excess weight, one particular producer of such supplements have been marred by a rather crass scandal involving dubious selling practices. Even if we might place it out of our minds, the very fact that CLA Safflower oil supplements are still being manufactured and commercialized warrants an in-depth analysis. Besides the obvious question that arises in the case of every supplement – does it very work? – there are some peculiarities in this case. 1st of all, the designation will be slightly misleading. CLA and safflower oil are connected yet different substances and, though they are presented as being a unitary extract, more inquiry and analysis of the compounds are needed. Secondly, we should delve a small amount deeper into the effects of the ingredients that build up these supplements in order to seek out out if they work towards achieving the goal of weight loss. Then there are technicalities – dosage, aspect effects and the like. We can offer you with the necessary info, starting with a separate discussion of CLA and then safflower oil (with arguments for and against the consumption of every), followed by an assessment of the prevailing body of reviews and rounding the article up with our verdict on the probability that CLA Safflower oil supplements may facilitate anyone in their quest for a healthier and more appealing silhouette. The CLA – Safflower Oil Connection Your time ago, The American Heart Association released a suggestion concerning the advantages that Omega-6 fatty acids have on the general heart health, urging their steady but moderate consumption. Within the wake of this announcement, the amount of studies undertaken on omega-half dozen acids, and polyunsaturated fats in general, have increased markedly. One such study, conducted at Ohio State University, was concerned with the results of supplementation with safflower oil and conjugated linoleic acid (CLA) in menopausal, obese, diabetic ladies who didn't require daily insulin injections. It was long speculated that this kind of supplementation would have a positive impact on weight loss efforts. Safflower oil (or rather a linoleic acid it contains) and conjugated linoleic acid share a chemical formula. However, their chemical structure differs slightly. They are related, however not quite the identical. The 35 girls in the study were divided into two teams, people in every grouping being administered half-dozen.four grams of fatty acid daily, for sixteen weeks, without any different tampering with medication, or with their routine normally. The results were encouraging, to say the smallest amount. Subjects in the CLA supplementation group exhibited a important decrease in the Body Mass Index indicator, half a point on average, a figure that translated into a drop of 3.two p.c from the total body fat. Subjects experiencing safflower oil supplementation, on the other hand, had a substantial reduction in their trunk fat, however with no important consequences on their overall fat, and a remarkable increase in muscle tissue. Furthermore, the safflower oil supplemented cluster additionally exhibited a decrease in their blood sugar levels with an average of 15 points. In the case of both parties, no different alterations in their health were observed, with the notable exception of the rise in the assembly of the hormone adiponectin, noticed in the cluster supplemented with safflower oil. This hormone is responsible for the pace at that fat is burned within the metabolism. While these results were promising and actually paved the method for a fast introduction on the market of CLA and safflower oil extract supplements, there are some caveats to them. The big question sign the results of this study raised considerations concerning the surplus fat. Where had it gone? After all, the exercise routine was not modified. The noticeable increase within the adiponectin production raised parallels the dramatic facet effects medication that tamper with hormone levels have. The excess fat might be deposited in the liver and/or muscle tissue, thus increasing the severity of diabetes (or causing it to individuals who don't suffer from the condition) or inducing an entire vary of liver disorders. This study indeed unearthed exciting edges that each CLA and safflower oil may bring concerning, nonetheless the doable facet effects might not have been fathomed throughout the restricted period (16 weeks) the scientists had at their disposal. Now that we tend to have seen how the underlying principle within the dietary supplements we have a tendency to are discussing came regarding allow us to get more at home with each CLA and safflower oil. CLA (Conjugated Linoleic Acids) The drawback with CLA isn't limited to grammar (i.e., should one use “CLA is” or “CLA are”, as some reviewers use them interchangeably), rather CLA are compounds that have not been sufficiently researched. Nevertheless, there is sufficient knowledge relevant to their use in dietary supplements, and we ought to proceed with the analysis. Conjugated linoleic acids are one amongst twenty eight isomers of linoleic acids that are created naturally when sure dairy merchandise or meats are softened by bacteria in the stomach or intestines. The isomers of a certain substance have the identical chemical formula (a single molecule contains the identical parts in specifically the identical range), however they differ in their chemical structure. CLA is assessed as trans- fatty acid and conjointly cis- fatty acid, making them one thing of an oddity, at least within the biochemical realm. This is where we can confront the “CLA – safflower oil” confusion and convolution of terms. Safflower oil contains traces of linoleic acid (but, additional than seventy five % of it is oleic acid, a monosaturated acid) – approximately zero.7 mg/gram. So, CLA and safflower oil are indeed substances that can be placed in the identical class, nevertheless they're by no means that as alike as to possess the identical effect on the human body or to be used interchangeably. From a logical standpoint, that's why the study cited in the previous section used each substances, to find out the outcomes and, as we have a tendency to have seen, the outcomes, though each regard the reduction of body fat, proved indeed to be quite different. CLA sprang into the spotlight as early as 1979, when a study performed on mice showed that the fatty acids had properties of visibly shrinking chemically induced tumors in mice. The studies haven't slowed their pace since then. But, it wasn't until 2008 that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) recognized CLA as being generally safe. Nevertheless, supplements containing CLA had been manufactured and marketed before, though the hype around CLA has magnified since that moment. The human body naturally synthesizes CLA from linoleic acid through the aid of the bacteria from the Bifidus strain that reside in the intestine. A host of conditions and dysfunctions – ranging from high acidic levels to most digestive diseases and even gluten intolerance – build the synthesis impossible. Thus, one can conclude that a supplementation of CLA is actually required, especially from a bound age onwards, nevertheless questions of dosage or methodology of administration stay. At 1st, CLA supplements were mainly marketed as natural anti-cancer solutions, with their scientific basis being the rodent study cited on top of (although extrapolating from artificially induced cancer in mice to tumors on humans is a rather dubious practice). In recent years, and in the light of the study performed at Ohio State University, CLA supplements are part of the supplements that advertise weight loss. According to the WebMD web site, CLA is used in dietary supplementation, with doses between 15 to 175 mg for daily use. The functions are various – cancer, combating delicate food allergies, reducing the consequences of chronic disease on weight or atherosclerosis. CLA is probably effective in fighting obesity and high blood pressure, but, additional analysis on the topic is required. On the subject of all different claims made by makers, speculation will best characterize them. It's safe for the common healthy adult in the doses found in food and in most supplements, though in cases where surgery, bleeding disorders, and diabetes are gift, one is suggested to avoid CLA. Arriving at the topic of dosage, the results of the Ohio State study are quoted – not more than seven grams per day, though there aren't any significant edges for doses larger than three.four grams per day. What is CLA’s Mechanism of Action? CLA’S biochemical mechanism of action is related to its interaction with the PPAR receptors. Clinical studies investigating the acid’s result showed lipogenesis reduction via molecule modulation on in vivo models. The findings conjointly instructed that the isomers in conjugated linoleic acid might scale back adiposity by influencing energy metabolism. The PPARs are a family of nuclear receptor proteins spread throughout the whole human body, however with a higher incidence rate within the adipose tissue. Three varieties of PPARs[one] have been identified and studied:     PPAR-alpha, mainly found in the guts, liver and adipose tissue, responsible for triglyceride reduction and homeostasis     PPAR-beta, expressed in brain and adipose tissue, involved within the fatty acid metabolism process     PPAR-gamma, in the white adipose tissue and intestines, with role in glucose metabolism and insulin sensitization The receptors are transcription factors, similar relations a ip to the thyroid hormones. They're stimulated by small ligands (purposeful teams of molecules with biological purpose) derived from the body’s lipid substrates. Evidence shows of roles in a series of processes ranging from lipid metabolism in obese models to pro-inflammatory enzyme inhibition. PPARs would possibly have an antitumorigenic impact in patients who have colon cancer. In vivo studies indicate a decrease in plaque accumulation in the hippocampus and cortex of individuals with neurodegenerative diseases. Normal activity of all three receptors maintains homeostasis, which suggests that the body incorporates a good immune system and lower possibilities to develop severe medical conditions. By activating the PPAR receptors, CLA is actively involved in numerous processes taking place inside the body. Various studies indicate that supplementation with CLA has anti-obesity effects in each animal and human models. A clinical trial conducted on rodents showed adipogenic process regression following the acid’s action on the PPAR-gamma receptor (a regulator of adipocyte differentiation).

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[metronomeinyourheart]

Cla Safflower Oil Review

Cla Safflower Oil Review There has been a hype for quite it slow now regarding dietary supplements featuring CLA Safflower oil. Promising revolutionary changes for those with excess weight, one particular producer of such supplements have been marred by a rather crass scandal involving dubious promoting practices. Even if we have a tendency to might place it out of our minds, the very fact that CLA Safflower oil supplements are still being manufactured and commercialized warrants an in-depth analysis. Besides the apparent question that arises within the case of each supplement – does it extremely work? – there are some peculiarities during this case. Initial of all, the designation can be slightly misleading. CLA and safflower oil are connected nevertheless completely different substances and, though they are presented as being a unitary extract, any inquiry and analysis of the compounds are needed. Secondly, we tend to ought to delve a touch deeper into the results of the ingredients that build up these supplements so as to search out out if they work towards achieving the goal of weight loss. Then there are technicalities – dosage, aspect effects and therefore the like. We can give you with the required information, starting with a separate discussion of CLA and then safflower oil (with arguments for and against the consumption of each), followed by an assessment of the existing body of reviews and rounding the article up with our verdict on the chance that CLA Safflower oil supplements may facilitate anyone in their quest for a healthier and a lot of appealing silhouette. The CLA – Safflower Oil Connection Some time ago, The American Heart Association released a suggestion regarding the advantages that Omega-half-dozen fatty acids have on the heart health, urging their steady however moderate consumption. Within the wake of this announcement, the amount of studies undertaken on omega-vi acids, and polyunsaturated fats generally, have increased markedly. One such study, conducted at Ohio State University, was concerned with the consequences of supplementation with safflower oil and conjugated linoleic acid (CLA) in menopausal, obese, diabetic girls who failed to require daily insulin injections. It was long speculated that this kind of supplementation would have a positive impact on weight loss efforts. Safflower oil (or rather a linoleic acid it contains) and conjugated linoleic acid share a chemical formula. However, their chemical structure differs slightly. They're connected, however approximately the same. The 35 women within the study were divided into 2 groups, people in each grouping being administered vi.four grams of fatty acid daily, for sixteen weeks, while not any alternative tampering with medication, or with their routine generally. The results were encouraging, to say the smallest amount. Subjects within the CLA supplementation cluster exhibited a significant decrease within the Body Mass Index indicator, [*fr1] a point on average, a figure that translated into a drop of three.two percent from the total body fat. Subjects experiencing safflower oil supplementation, on the other hand, had a considerable reduction in their trunk fat, however with no significant consequences on their overall fat, and a outstanding increase in muscle tissue. Furthermore, the safflower oil supplemented cluster also exhibited a decrease in their blood sugar levels with a mean of fifteen points. Within the case of both parties, no alternative alterations in their health were observed, with the notable exception of the increase in the production of the hormone adiponectin, noticed within the cluster supplemented with safflower oil. This hormone is accountable for the pace at which fat is burned within the metabolism. Whereas these results were promising and actually paved the approach for a fast introduction on the market of CLA and safflower oil extract supplements, there are a few caveats to them. The big question sign the results of this study raised considerations concerning the excess fat. Where had it gone? After all, the exercise routine wasn't changed. The noticeable increase within the adiponectin production raised parallels the dramatic side effects drugs that tamper with hormone levels have. The surplus fat could be deposited within the liver and/or muscle tissue, so increasing the severity of diabetes (or inflicting it to individuals who don't suffer from the condition) or inducing an entire vary of liver disorders. This study indeed unearthed exciting benefits that both CLA and safflower oil could bring concerning, however the possible aspect effects might not are fathomed throughout the limited period (16 weeks) the scientists had at their disposal. Now that we have seen how the underlying principle in the dietary supplements we have a tendency to are discussing came regarding let us get more familiar with each CLA and safflower oil. CLA (Conjugated Linoleic Acids) The problem with CLA is not restricted to grammar (i.e., ought to one use “CLA is” or “CLA are”, as some reviewers use them interchangeably), rather CLA are compounds that have not been sufficiently researched. Nevertheless, there's sufficient information relevant to their use in dietary supplements, and we have a tendency to ought to proceed with the analysis. Conjugated linoleic acids are one in every of twenty eight isomers of linoleic acids that are made naturally when sure dairy product or meats are lessened by bacteria in the stomach or intestines. The isomers of a certain substance have the identical chemical formula (a single molecule contains the identical parts in exactly the identical range), nonetheless they differ in their chemical structure. CLA is assessed as trans- fatty acid and conjointly cis- fatty acid, making them one thing of an oddity, a minimum of within the biochemical realm. This is where we have a tendency to will confront the “CLA – safflower oil” confusion and convolution of terms. Safflower oil contains traces of linoleic acid (but, additional than seventy five percent of it is oleic acid, a monosaturated acid) – approximately 0.7 mg/gram. So, CLA and safflower oil are indeed substances that can be placed in the identical class, nonetheless they are by no means as alike as to possess the same result on the human body or to be used interchangeably. From a logical standpoint, that's why the study cited in the previous section used both substances, to seek out out the outcomes and, as we have a tendency to have seen, the outcomes, though both regard the reduction of body fat, proved indeed to be quite completely different. CLA sprang into the spotlight as early as 1979, when a study performed on mice showed that the fatty acids had properties of visibly shrinking chemically induced tumors in mice. The studies have not slowed their pace since then. But, it wasn't till 2008 that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) recognized CLA as being usually safe. Nevertheless, supplements containing CLA had been manufactured and marketed before, though the hype around CLA has magnified since that moment. The human body naturally synthesizes CLA from linoleic acid through the help of the bacteria from the Bifidus strain that reside within the intestine. A host of conditions and dysfunctions – ranging from high acidic levels to most digestive diseases and even gluten intolerance – create the synthesis impossible. Therefore, one can conclude that a supplementation of CLA is truly required, especially from a sure age onwards, yet questions of dosage or methodology of administration remain. At initial, CLA supplements were mainly marketed as natural anti-cancer solutions, with their scientific basis being the rodent study cited above (though extrapolating from artificially induced cancer in mice to tumors on humans may be a rather dubious practice). In recent years, and in the sunshine of the study performed at Ohio State University, CLA supplements are part of the supplements that advertise weight loss. According to the WebMD web site, CLA is employed in dietary supplementation, with doses between 15 to 175 mg for daily use. The functions are diverse – cancer, combating mild food allergies, reducing the effects of chronic disease on weight or atherosclerosis. CLA is probably effective in fighting obesity and high blood pressure, however, more analysis on the subject is required. On the topic of all other claims made by makers, speculation can best characterize them. It's safe for the typical healthy adult in the doses found in food and in most supplements, though in cases where surgery, bleeding disorders, and diabetes are present, one is suggested to avoid CLA. Arriving at the subject of dosage, the results of the Ohio State study are quoted – not more than seven grams per day, though there aren't any significant benefits for doses larger than 3.4 grams per day. What is CLA’s Mechanism of Action? CLA’S biochemical mechanism of action is connected to its interaction with the PPAR receptors. Clinical studies investigating the acid’s effect showed lipogenesis reduction via molecule modulation on in vivo models. The findings also instructed that the isomers in conjugated linoleic acid would possibly reduce adiposity by influencing energy metabolism. The PPARs are a family of nuclear receptor proteins spread throughout the whole human body, but with the next incidence rate in the adipose tissue. 3 varieties of PPARs[1] are identified and studied:     PPAR-alpha, mainly found in the heart, liver and adipose tissue, accountable for triglyceride reduction and homeostasis     PPAR-beta, expressed in brain and adipose tissue, concerned within the fatty acid metabolism method     PPAR-gamma, in the white adipose tissue and intestines, with role in glucose metabolism and insulin sensitization The receptors are transcription factors, similar relations a ip to the thyroid hormones. They're stimulated by tiny ligands (practical groups of molecules with biological purpose) derived from the body’s lipid substrates. Evidence shows of roles in an exceedingly series of processes ranging from lipid metabolism in obese models to pro-inflammatory enzyme inhibition. PPARs might have an antitumorigenic effect in patients who have colon cancer. In vivo studies indicate a decrease in plaque accumulation within the hippocampus and cortex of folks with neurodegenerative diseases. Normal activity of all three receptors maintains homeostasis, which means that the body contains a smart immune system and lower chances to develop severe medical conditions. By activating the PPAR receptors, CLA is actively involved in numerous processes happening within the body. Various studies indicate that supplementation with CLA has anti-obesity effects in each animal and human models. A clinical trial conducted on rodents showed adipogenic method regression following the acid’s action on the PPAR-gamma receptor (a regulator of adipocyte differentiation).

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[fulgor-astrorum-blog]

World Of Warships Cheat Engine

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That is unfortunate - 1 / 2 of CMANO’s elegance is its plasticity. But, as being a nugget-obsessed 49er, I persevere, going out each day with the expectation of being able to see the glint of gold.